#so is rendering we have a love hate relationship

[mutedeclipse]

✧ Close ✧

Hi i wanted a new laptop wallpaper and decided "hm. Brain and Plasma :}" ... Theyre being unusually nice to eachother

This took me two days please reblog it ;w;

[arokalypse]

i always thought romantic love was the plague and i was a plague doctor.

so here's an aro-colored plague doctor

me oversharing beneath the cut about how amatonormativity has screwed me up in ways I have never been screwed up before.

(rant beneath the cut is full of negativity, triggering, but perhaps relatable. idk. read at your own risk)

okay so let's have a mini story telling time about how romance plagued every aspect of my life until now.

My bestfriend in high school treated me of less value after she gets her boyfriend. This experience was what drove me into drawing plague doctors during valentines. These doodles were captioned with "Plague is in the air", because my friends in my circle told me to not hang out with her on that day because it's valentines day. So cool, I thought I should avoid them like they were the plague.

For the first half of college, I've been a wingman for way too many of my friends for my only female and best friend.

It has gotten to a point where the meaning of my companionship with my male friends had become solely for providing a connection to a girl they want to date.

In the long run, my bestfriend, who my 'friends' were pining for, actually has been pining for me. She asked if we could be a thing, I said yes because I thought that, romance isn't probably as disgusting as I think of it.

To protect tradition and to protect the feelings of the men she rejected (who I also wingmanned), we kept it hidden.

For the entire time, she emphasized how I was dense and oblivious about romance. For the entire time I was confused, disoriented, and even repulsed. I didn't know how to reciprocate and I certainly did not have THOSE feelings either at all.

Of course it didn't end well.

After that failed attempt at romance, I have been involved in three more encounters after that. Men suddenly started talking to me out of nowhere. Initially, I thought that they were just trying to make new friends. I didn't realize they were hitting on me but when I did, I cold-shouldered them out of my life.

The last one was the most traumatic. I have explicitly stated that he shouldn't attempt to romance me because I've admitted that I'm way too tired of dealing with it, but he was stubborn. He has also gone as far as sexualizing me against my will.

So yeah.

Amatonormativity made me lose faith in the meaning of my friendships.

It made me realize how friendship is easily overshadowed by romantic relationships.

It made me worry that my kindness is misread as a romantic gesture.

It made me constantly hate how friendship is only seen as a stepping stone for a romantic relationship.

And because amatonormativity has rendered all my significant connections meaningless, I'll spend every second of my life hating amatonormativity. I will always be repulsed at the concept that destroyed every goddamned friendship that I had. Nothing has ever made me feel THS sick. I will always think of it as the plague.

[doromoni]

Off Time | LN4

Ships : Lando Norris x F1 Presenter! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Subtags : She fell first; He fell harder, Misunderstanding, Mutual Pinning

A/N: Bruh this is so self indulgent! FYI~ I made this during my internship time (I was literally doing nothing). So heree enjoyyy ig?

Summary : You have pursued Lando’s affection, yet he doesn’t seem interested. Till your patience wavers and Lando realizes it too late. Will there be a right time for the two of you?

Masterlist

Part 2

It was another season of Formula 1 on the Silverstone track, the paddock was buzzing with excitement and cameras flashing as the drivers arrived one by one.

You were patiently waiting by the entrance of the paddock club eagerly looking for the family that loved you like their own. You promised them that you’ll see and spend time with the Norrises first before your busy schedule fully takes over and renders you unavailable for the rest of the weekend. It was expected considering that your line of work requires you with a mic and a camera on you at all times.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket, probably your boss Mia giving you orders on your next driver interview, and as you checked — you were right. Oh! It was at Mercedes with George. You were in the middle of replying to your boss when you suddenly felt arms wrap around your waist with force enough to make the both of you stumble for balance.

“Y/N! I missed you~ did you bring my stroopwaffles?” You were suddenly engulfed and bombarded by the youngest Norris sibling.

“Yes, Flo . Its at the hotel and I missed you too. Babe, I saw the horse show on video. You were amazing!” you exclaimed proudly as you hugged the younger girl back.

Your eyes then softened as you gazed at Adam and Cisca. They were smiling from ear to ear waiting for their turn for a hug.

“Hi, guys!” You finally said as Flo released you from her clutches and the Elder Norrises hugged you in one big group hug.

“Hi, darling. It’s so nice to see you again. Don’t get me wrong dear you’re amazing on TV — I just prefer to see you in person” Cisca comes at you as she pushes her husband aside to gather you alone in her arms; squeezing you.

“ Honey, let the poor girl breathe.” Adam Norris lovingly reprimanded his wife as he placed his hand on your head and messed with your hair.

You giggled at the family’s antics. Your eyes wandered around the area and you couldn’t help but look, hoping to see Lando’s presence nearby— hoping to have a chat or something.

The Elder Norris couple saw you looking around, probably looking for their son and they couldn’t help but feel awful for you.

“I’m sorry sweetie, Lando said that he’s running a bit late. We should go on ahead”

“Oh, yes of course. Shall we? I need to show you my office, I just got promoted!” You said trying to hide your disappointment with the achievement you got.

They knew that you liked their boy, and they were so happy about it. They would do anything to have you in the family. They just hoped that their son would finally clean his act up and see the amazing girl that was in front of him before it was too late.

As you walked through the paddock with Flo’s arm draped around yours, you couldn’t stop thinking about the British McLaren Driver.

He didn’t hate you, he didn’t hold anything against you— he just was… indifferent. Lando Norris didn’t like you the way that you did. Lando wasn’t interested, not in a romantic relationship type of way anyway. Or that’s what you concluded considering that for the past months of trying to shoot your shot, you were always turned down by the English Mclaren Driver.

His fellow drivers and best mates had always supported your attempts to pursue Lando. They said that you would be good for him, that you and Lando made sense. They knew that you would make him happy.

You met his family by chance and it bloomed when you saved them from being hounded by the press during the race where their son crashed; this resulted in a thank-you dinner and the rest was history.

His dad had loved you and wanted you in the family — so much that you were invited to intimate family gatherings and outings. His mom cherished your times together inside the kitchen, bonding over shared recipes and coffee dates. While his younger sister ran to you for comfort and advice. You were practically a Norris at this point.

However, the Norris sibling that held your fancy wanted nothing to do with you. To him, you were the family friend and the commentator from Sky F1. You were just a distant friend at best and for you that was enough.

Your mind was preoccupied with dazzling green eyes, the head of full curly hair, and now a blemish on his nose from a cut that you found most attractive on him. Your thoughts were fully circling Lando Norris and you didn’t realize that it was time to say goodbye to Adam, Cisca, and Flo.

“Ok guys, I need to work. I’ll find you when I can, alright?” You sulked as you dropped the Norrises off in front of Mclaren’s Motorhome. They said their goodbyes with hugs and cheek kisses. As you were leaving and them stepping inside the doors of McLaren — you were so sure that you saw the mop of curly hair that belonged to Lando Norris.

And you knew deep down that Lando was there the entire time and he just didn’t want to talk to you if not necessary. Knowing that information hurt you tremendously, but you continued to smile nevertheless.

***

Inside the McLaren Motorhome, just as you left, there stood Lando Norris clad in a black hoodie and sweats waiting for his family to enter. Yet his eyes lingered on the girl who seemed to catch his family’s affection like a bear to honey.

“Mum, Dad, Flo! How have you been?” Lando exclaimed as he hugged his family one by one.

“What is it, mum?” Lando asked his mother as soon as he spotted the disapproval on her face

“You said that you’ll be late, why are you inside the motorhome then?” Cisca’s eyes narrowed at her son.

Lando’s eyes shifted away from his mum, he didn’t like to lie to his parents. Rather to be quiet than lie.

“You know why, plus I’m thinking of dating someone else so please stop pushing Y/N to me,” Lando said somewhat indignantly.

“Son, Y/N is an amazing girl. Anyone would be lucky to have her. We just don’t want you to regret anything” His father explained pointedly however still gentle.

“Listen, I know that you love having her around. But, I just don’t fancy her like that. “ Lando languidly explained to his family his feelings for the commentator for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

“Lando, I love you, but you’re being stupid. Maybe Y/N could be better off with someone other than you” Flo mutters with her lips pouted out as she pulls her parents further into the motorhome, not bothering to wait for what seems to be a frozen Lando.

Lando knew to himself that he didn’t like you. He was sure of it. Then why does the thought of you with someone else make his stomach churn and his blood boil?

He pictured you aiming your beautiful smile towards another man. Lando imagined you riding in another man’s car and being your attentive and caring self. A memory of you doing the same to him came to his mind.

You were seated in the passenger seat of his Mclaren, the sound of the Japanese house’s “Sunshine Baby” slowly playing in the background as the three of you cruised through the streets of Bristol, while Flo was dozing off in the backseat. Everything was peaceful and calm as Lando drummed his hand to the beat. The drizzle of rain slowly pelted on the windshield, adding to the calmness.

“What song is this?” Lando suddenly asked you, catching you off guard. His eyes then met yours and held your gaze.

“Oh! It’s Sunshine Baby by the Japanese House. You like it?” You asked back, reluctance was evident in your voice.

“Mhmm, It’s very calming. I mostly listen to house music and EDM… something calm is great. Do have other recommendations?” Lando conversed with a smile on his face, his eyes meeting yours once again before looking back to the road.

“I have an entire playlist! Give me your phone” You showed Lando your palm gesturing for his phone.

As Lando hands his phone to you, Flo wakes from her sleep and demands food on the way.

“Lando I want food. Y/N please buy me food” The younger Norris pouted at you and his brother.

“What do you want to eat, Babe?” You asked Flo when you saw Lando nod in approval.

“Fish and Chips!” Flo exclaimed with enthusiasm. You saw the look of apprehension of the British Driver but he didn’t say anything— only silently drove to the nearest fry shop instead.

“I’ll be back with food.” You spoke as you went to grab your wallet. Lando was handing his card, but you only grinned at the driver then sticking your tongue out as you exited the vehicle.

“I got this covered London boy!” You teased, earning a laugh from both the Norris siblings.

The food didn’t take too long and before you knew it you were back inside the slick Mclaren as the smell of grease and salt wafting the air.

“Ohhhh, that smells amazing~ did you get us all Fish and Chips, Y/N?” Flo asked as she moved to get her food.

“Babe, Your brother doesn’t like fish. So I bought Chicken and Chips for him instead. While you and I get fish” You replied as you gave Flo her food and drink.

“You got me food too and it’s not fish?” Lando asked you with a look of both admiration and a bit of confusion.

“Mhm, you hate fish, right? So chicken it is!” You smiled at the McLaren Driver as you popped the straw in his diet soda and handed it to him.

You were always thoughtful and sweet to everyone, but Lando saw that you were especially so with Him and his family —you remembered every detail.

An uncomfortable sensation settled on his chest as Lando saw in his mind you sharing the bond you had with his family with the family of your other half.

“Lando! Come on” His train of thought was disturbed by the shouts of his dad. However, the feeling of stuffiness remained.

***

You were walking through the paddock towards Ferrari when you walked into Alexandra and Rebecca along the way. The two wags were sweet and inviting, despite their lives of luxury and glamour; their humility shined especially Charles’ girlfriend.

While you were friendly with Rebecca — you didn’t have anything that connected you other than Carlos Sainz. You always felt a bit of tension with the girl, on her part of course. Maybe because of your close relationship with Carlos, jealousy was a feeling you understood well, so you didn’t hold it against the girl. However, with Alex, Alex just like Flo has found solace in your presence in the paddock. You were the first of the few who welcomed her with smiles and open arms when she first started appearing in races; solidifying your bond with the art graduate.

And so Alexandra was the very first to advise you on the news that ultimately breaks your heart.

“Y/N, I heard from Kika that Lando has been going on dates with a girl named Magui for a couple of weeks now and she says that the girl would be coming to the races in the very near future” Alex gently said as she clutched your arms tighter around hers— offering comfort.

Your breath was caught in your throat and you didn’t know how to reply without bursting into tears.

You thought after Luisinha you had a chance or at least to be closer with the driver. But with rumors swimming around about him dating this Portuguese model with a checkered dating past, your chances grow slimmer and slimmer.

Maybe you were kidding yourself for hoping for Lando to reciprocate your feelings. Maybe you were being overly optimistic when everyone said that Lando would come around. Maybe the best was just to give up.

Maybe it was time to truly let go of Lando Norris.

***

It was impossible to miss each other in the paddock, one way or another Lando and Y/N crossed paths.

It was almost routine for Lando to hear your voice calling out his name as you waved your hand in greeting. A sweet smile was always ready for him.

That’s why shock and bewilderment overcame Lando as you walked past him as if he wasn’t even there. No greeting, no smile, not even a brief eye contact.

You went past the driver as if he weren’t there. As you continued to walk away, Lando couldn’t help but look at your retreating form with hurt— he looked wounded by your indifference.

He then heard your sweet voice calling out a name, but this time it wasn’t his— it was his teammates' name. “Oscar!” You bellowed at the Australian Driver; with a smile that Lando wished was directed at him.

***

It has been a month with Y/N’s interactions with Lando at a standstill. And at this point Lando cannot deny that it drove him mad, that you drove him mad.

He was no longer in denial about his feelings for you. He fully accepted it and he wanted you back. Lando Norris liked you the way you did.

[avvail]

truth potion/serum 😌

“What’s that?” The hero murmurs uneasily under their breath, watching as the villain carefully inserts the needle into the soft flesh of their forearm, making them wince slightly. They watch it plunge into their vein, only daring to tug against the restraints once the needle is out of their skin.

The villain merely sends them a smile. “Nothing that’ll kill you.”

“Let me guess,” the hero growls. “A fate worse than death? Are you really trying this bullshit with me after all this time?”

“You don’t think our dynamic is a conventional one?”

The hero shuts their mouth, contemplating what the villain’s game was. If it was a sedative, it was a slow acting one, since they couldn’t feel any symptoms creeping up on them just yet. It was peculiar - they felt just fine.

“Let’s be honest,” the hero sniffs, and they don’t miss the way the villain almost laughs in amusement. They don’t know why that’s funny. “If our relationship was a conventional one, you would have killed me the moment you kidnapped me.”

The villain hums, their eyes roaming from their face languidly, kissing their teeth. The hero watches with a stubborn frown as they begin to circle around them, ever so slowly, and it makes them nervous.

They try not to shift.

“You’re right,” the villain sighs from behind them, and they want nothing more than to crane around to keep their eyes on them, but they can’t. Their heart races relentlessly in their chest, clenching their jaw. “Would you rather we adhere to the stereotypes?”

They roll their eyes. “If it means getting killed, then why would I?”

“You’re self righteous and selfless, aren’t you?” The villain teases. “Doesn’t that come with your job?”

“It doesn’t mean I’m eager to die. Dying means defeat, and I wouldn’t ever let you defeat me. You and I both know that.”

The villain stops beside them, a smile on their face that the hero doesn’t like. They send them a sharp glare for good measure, just because they can.

“So, is that a no?”

The hero wants to know where this is headed.

“No,” they confirmed. The villain stepped closer to them, their thumb gently brushing over a tender bruise on their temple. The finishing blow that had rendered them unconscious, making it easy for the villain to drag them here into their clutches. The hero forces back a wince, their eyes hard and determined. The villain loves that look.

“But you’re like that with others,” the villain comments, still stroking their temple. “Other villains, I mean. Especially Supervillain - the typical good versus bad. You know they’d kill you if they could. Stereotypes, after all.”

To hero resists the urge to lean keenly into that touch. “Because I know Supervillain is dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” Their eyes gleam mischievously. “You don’t think I’m dangerous?”

They shift. No dizziness yet, and their vision is completely clear, along with their mind. It’s not a sedative. What are they planning?

“No,” they respond after a moment, and the villain’s jaw ticks. It’s the only sign of irritation they’ve seen from them, but their tongue blurts more before they can stop themselves. “You’re dangerous in different ways.”

The irritation disappears, and the thumb slips down their cheek.

“Dangerous in different ways,” they muse, as if chewing the words that came out of their mouth. The hero’s heart is pounding against their ribcage, and they’re not quite sure why. The villain is incredibly close, feeling pinned down by their cold gaze alone.

“You’re easier to be around,” the hero speaks, trying not to stammer over their words. “I...” I hate you, don’t get me wrong. That’s what they want to say, but their throat closes up before they can. The villain’s thumb strokes the bottom of their jaw, and they shiver, as if encouraging them.

“Because I know you won’t kill me. When given the chance, you go easy on me.”

“You think I go easy on you?”

The hero gives them a disgruntled look. “You never torture me. Last time you kidnapped me, I slept in one of your guest rooms.”

“You were still a prisoner, or did you forget?” The villain scoffs. Of course they had been. The hero had spent all night trying to pick the lock, to smash the windows, but there was no point. They were a prisoner, but it never felt like they were in danger. Not in the same sense they felt when the supervillain almost incapacitated them. It was different.

“That’s not the point,” the hero snaps, unaware of their own rising irritation. They jerk their head away from the touch, feeling as though it was distracting them. The villain has this arrogant smirk on their lips, as if they know exactly what they’re doing. “If I ever kidnapped you, I wouldn’t stick you in a luxurious room. I wouldn’t let you sleep on a bed, I wouldn’t have you here and not torture you.”

The villain hums, their voice dropping low. “You like it when I treat you good?”

“Yes.” No. “I do.” It’s weird.

It takes a single, heart stopping beat for the hero to realise what they’d just said, their brows furrowing in confusion. They open their mouth to say something else, before their eyes flick down to the red pinprick from the needle in their skin. They release a shuddering breath.

“A truth serum,” they breathe. “That’s what you injected me with.”

The villain lets out a dark, amused chuckle. “I was waiting for you to figure it out.”

They lean back, creating a rift of air between them where the hero can still feel their warmth. It still feels hard to breathe, their wrists flexing under the restraints, and they grind their teeth hard together. This is dangerous. This was exactly what they were talking about.

“Are you tired, Hero?” The villain’s soft voice questions, enough to make the hero swallow uneasily. Their heart is racing now, so fast they feel like they’re going to throw up. They screw their eyes shut.

“Yes,” they say, feeling fingers under their jaw, tipping their head back. Their eyes open instinctively. The villain almost coos.

“And you love how easy it is with me,” the villain murmurs, admiring the embarrassed, shunted look in those cute eyes of theirs. “Love how I treat you.”

The hero’s fists clench. They desperately try to say no. “Yes.”

“And,” the villain purrs, their thumb brushing along their bottom lip with precious ease,” it’s dangerous because it’s so easy to shut your brain off. So dangerous to let your guard down around me. Easy to manipulate, as much as you wish that wasn’t true.”

The hero almost whines. “Yes.”

“Do you think I’m manipulating you?” They ask, their voice a hushed whisper, like a soft lull in their brain. The hero squirms, but they still can’t look away, not even daring to swallow. The villain leans in closer, their lips so close to theirs, and their voice turns dark. “Do you think it’s working?”

Who knew the hero’s weakness was simple acts of kindness. The villain had never thought going so easy on them would make them putty in their hands. But it did.

The hero bites down on the inside of their cheek, straining not to answer. The villain’s fingers curl around a lock of their hair, tucking it behind their ear tenderly. Too tenderly - the hero loves it.

“Better not fight it,” they hum. “It’ll hurt.”

“Yes,” the hero finally gasps, the throbbing pain in their head easing. They almost feel out of breath, trembling under each of their cunning touches.

The villain’s eyes gleam, leaning forward to kiss them. The hero had been so adamant they could never defeat them, and it almost makes them crackle. Maybe never in the stereotypical sense, but they had proved this was not a stereotypical rivalry; what was true defeat if they didn’t conquer them, after all?

@badthingshappenbingo

[brawltogethernow]

I would LOVE to hear your aro Hal thoughts if you don’t mind sharing?

[re:] (Sorry in advance there are absolutely no issue citations; I have saved so many pages in random places without labeling them.)

I don't know if I'd even call it having thoughts so much as having...an incomplete collection of Hal...saying things?

And having things said about him?

And he does this very familiar weasel jink when asked certain types of questions.

Like the general direction of authorial intent here is presumably that he's a ~playboy~ who ~can't be tied down~,

but we rarely see him...like...with anybody. He's an informed attribute playboy who's had a handful of onscreen flings that tend to be complete disasters with significantly less chemistry than a poorly measured baking soda volcano, and other than that there's Carol, who he's been failing to marry with high agitation for sixty-five years at this point. Like in cape comics it's standard for your obvious endgame A couple to take twenty or thirty years to get around to that, but sixty is excessive. Like even Alicia Masters and the Thing managed it faster and they kept getting put off because it stressed out too many Marvel writers to contemplate monsterfucking. (And other less comedic factors but this post isn't about that.)

And every time Hal tries to go steady with Carol he acts like he's dying, even though he clearly loves her and holds having her in his life in extremely high priority.

Like he is not enjoying a playboy lifestyle he doesn't want to give up. He has tried very hard to settle down several times, but he always panics and bolts at the last second like someone who's run out of the willpower¹ to keep holding onto an electrified rod--except when he's rescued by deus ex machina.

¹Ha.

And it's also pretty evident that he hates himself for this and doesn't understand why he can't pass this standard life milestone, or why he keeps hurting Carol, his favorite person, trying and failing to do what they think you're supposed to. He very blatantly views his romantic failures as something that let down other people and "improving" as a sacrifice he's supposed to make for them.

When his desires come into it it's primarily in the context of him gaslighting himself about how he totally wants the things he's supposed to that won't disappoint people, definitely definitely for real this time.

As seen above, romantic success for Hal is often conflated with retiring from being Green Lantern to inject cheap drama and insert a built-in inevitable failure, framing him as staying single because he's "married to the job". This barely ever made sense but was already downright comedic by the, I want to say late 70's?, where Carol was in on the secret identity and John and Katma were pulling off extremely successful GL/GL dating in the same book. At this point it's complete nonsense, so writers have been pulling harder on framing Hal as a disorganized man-child with commitment issues who's just sort of arbitrarily rendered undateable by being a committed superhero, something which, although it's a classic source of drama, has not hindered any of DC's other characters to this degree this consistently.

In conclusion: This aro man does not know what aromanticism is despite being one degree of separation from Connor Hawke, which is ruining his life and his ability to have any self esteem. Him and Carol desperately need someone to tell them what queerplatonic relationships are so they can stop doing these wretched I'm-not-touching-you kisses.

#EverybodyDislikedThat

Also he's been dressing up as the aromantic flag since 1959. Okay now I'm done.

[multimilfs]

My Two Cents on AAA EP6...

The hateful response to episode 6 has unfortunately solidified a thought I've been thinking for a while (and hoped I was incorrect on);

People don't care about true storytelling anymore.

A genuine, well-rounded story is built with so many moving parts and players. Agatha, while being the main character, is not the only important piece on the chess board, she's just the one we're focused on. Billy (or Lilia or Jen or Alice etc etc) are just as pivotal to the outcome.

We have the opportunity to witness some of the most heartfelt, beautiful storytelling in years and the second the story pivots to build out plot, there's a riot. Torches and pitchforks and for what? For answering questions people have been asking since episode 1? For adding another layer to the lovingly-crafted onion that is the story of Agatha All Along?

I love Agatha and Rio. I've been dying to see more of them since episode 1, but if your response to a potential ship is to render the rest of the story irrelevant, why are you watching the show at all? At this point just wait and watch the clips of the ship once the show is all over. Or write fanfiction like the rest of us if things don't go your way.

Rio and Agatha's relationship isn't the point. It's a bonus. It's a wonderful treat woven in—just like Billy and Eddie. To quote this post from the brilliant @the-scarlet-witch-22 ;

"...reducing Agatha Harkness to just being one half of a romantic ship is doing such a disservice to her character and the entire purpose of Agatha All Along."

Agatha is brilliant, cunning, and interesting; with and without Rio. She is a whole woman. She is not half of a character without a partner. And Agatha All Along is not half a show for prioritizing plot over romance.

Also, is it not worth celebrating that not only do we have a lovely, explicitly queer character in Billy Maximoff—but also that we have the privilege of seeing him fleshed out, where years ago he'd have been killed off-screen (or worse)? That he is a key player? From someone who spent years watching queer characters die left and right, it is a gift to live in a time where they not only get to live, but have relevance. It is a gift to watch Billy's story evolve alongside Agatha's.

There are valid concerns in the ether, but don't let fear become hatred; the second it does, we're no better than those who want to see all of us gone.

[reocidal]

day 04 : alhaitham x gender neutral reader ; police x criminal ++ modern au!

wc : 3022, swearing, angst??, fluff, horrible humour, reader has a personality and dyed hair, reader is a criminal, occasional minor violence, unestablished relationship for a majority of the fic, happy ending, kissing? art by @/strayuu

author's note : @phantasmaebg pick me choose me love me?

"nice to meetcha," you grin, and alhaitham raises a brow, immediately on guard. this is… not what he'd been expecting.

"i'm… here to arrest you. for your crimes. that you've committed. and are committing. right now." he hopes he does not sound too bored.

"are you, now?" your smile grows bigger, and you toss something to his right. his head whips around instinctively, and you take the opportunity to lunge towards him, withdrawing a concealed knife and digging it ever so slightly into the back of his neck. the blade doesn't cut the skin yet, but before you get to even utter another word, he automatically flips you over his shoulder. now you weren't expecting that.

"ow!" a startled yelp escapes your throat, but you don't waste any time lying on the floor or wallowing in self-pity like he'd hoped. instead, you're back on your feet in a remarkably fast time, and edging towards him again, looking… hopeful?

"y'know," you begin. "i didn't expect you to be, y'know, not the usual potbellied dwarfs they send after me."

he raises a brow in question, not really sure where you're going with this.

"what i'm tryna say is, are they real?"

"are what— what?"

"your, um." you jab at the general direction of his abdomen with a finger. "your abs."

alhaitham, for the first time in a good few years, is rendered speechless. he blinks at you silently, wondering if you are some alien species he has not yet been informed about, then shakes his head. "what? it doesn't matter. now don't move."

you ignore him. "so they're fake?"

"no, of course not!" he hates the fact that he replies.

"can i touch?"

"what? no." alhaitham is appalled.

"aw, okay. well then, i'll get going—"

"no you're not." he takes a step towards you, and then another, and another—

you turn around and grab him by his fancy tie, pulling him down to your level.

"listen, lemme go and i'll show you a real good time when we meet next," you promise.

when you let him go, when you actually leave, alhaitham makes no effort to follow. instead, he just stands and watches you go.

alhaitham's experiencing a day off. not enjoying it, just experiencing it. there's a difference, really. to be honest, he might even hate it a little. he kind of wishes he was back at work — and oh, apparently he's manifested it into existence, too. angry yells ring out all around him, and a single figure — rather familiar if he does say so himself — runs out from the crowd, leaping and diving over the cars on the road. His first — very unpolicemanlike — instinct is to pause. instead of running after the thief, he freezes. subway surfers, says his brain. like the ones on your mother's phone, when you were a kid.

he hates thinking of his mother.

he grimaces but complies, setting off in their direction. for a moment or two, he thinks he might not make it. maybe he'll have let the thief go. but it'll be his second failure this year, and the third in his entire career. in other words, this simply cannot happen. (the second had been the first time you met him; the death of his mother when he was eighteen, the fact that he'd let the killer get away is the first. it's all personal for him, though — none of these show up in his records.) his energy seems to spike, almost, and he speeds up, and the thief — you come back into view. he knows it's you because you turn back to see who's chasing you, and your eyes widen in recognition when you see him. (he's the exact same, and even though your hair is now a concerning mess of purple and green, he still knows who it is, and he still knows it's you. even though you've only met once. no, don't say anything about it, please.)

you slide into an alleyway (even though you know there's a dead end) and he follows, right into your trap, unthinking.

"hi, alhaitham!" you say, much too cheerful for a situation like this. "i'm glad you recognised me!"

"didn't," he forces out; it's a lie.

you smile at him knowing. somehow, it's worse than if you'd just responded.

"you're doing this on purpose," he ventures, guarded. "what do you want from me? how do you know my name?"

"i googled you!" you say brightly. "as for what i want… how do i phrase this?"

you pause, pretending to think for a moment. in his opinion, you lack the ability to do so completely.

"alhaitham, i think we may be soulmates!" you announce with a flourish.

he raises a brow. "no, we're not?"

it comes out as more of a question than an answer.

"well, if you're so sure, what's your wrist say?" you demand, peering at him as if you're going to go over to him and investigate his wrist yourself; he backs away defensively.

"y/n l/n, why?"

"that's literally my name," you deadpan.

his first instinct is to deny it. (how does that even make sense?) the second one tells him to run.

"i'm sure there are a lot of y/ns around," he says at last.

"none with alhaitham on their wrist, i'm sure," you retort, and his heart drops into his, well, ass, for lack of a better word.

"…ah."

"yeah."

alhaitham honestly fears the worst. he's had two other run-ins with you over the past month, and it gets worse each time. like, you're soulmates. okay. he's part of the law enforcement, and slowly but surely falling in love with you, an anonymous but wanted criminal. not okay.

you keep showing up in the most unlikely places — like right now, at his favourite cafe. you're almost sheepish, and you're not radiating your usual confidence, and you don't even make a move to approach him. not until he curses himself and beckons you over, that is. and you're too happy to bound over; you also take the opportunity to make him pay for your coffee and an overpriced, underwhelming pastry.

your hair is pink and blue; "tv girl reference," you tell him, then, "i don't even listen to tv girl."

he doesn't know what a tv girl is, nor does he want to find out, but he assumes it's an obscure internet reference. how are you a basically homeless robber but also chronically online? that's his soulmate for you.

his chin is cradled on his palm as he surveys you with the air of a depressed old professor facing their one hundred and twelfth petri dish; you're going on and on about something unimportant that he doesn't care about very much, just because he likes your voice so much. he understands that it means he's not a very good — boyfriend? partner? situationship? the two of you aren't exactly dating, per se, but whatever you've got going on isn't very platonic either. he decides not to worry about it right now. maybe he'll just enjoy his time with you instead.

"sorry," he says, voice rough from disuse. "can you repeat that again?"

and if you were anyone else, he'd expect you to be upset, maybe annoyed, but you just seem so happy to be able to talk to him. you perk up; "what were you even zoning out about?" you ask before launching back into whatever you were talking about.

but you're barely two sentences in when he interrupts you once more.

"you," he says. "i was thinking about you."

for the first time in a while, you lose the ability to speak, and your face turns a brilliant shade of red.

"oh," you say. "don't say that."

"but it's true," he hums thoughtfully. "i don't do lies."

"oh," you say again. "okay."

he's always been very careful about who he lets in, who he lets see certain parts of him. no one gets to see him at his very best, for example, and no one gets to see him at his worst either. it's just one of the many rules he's set in place for himself. rules make life easier.

you, on the other hand, seem to break all of them simultaneously as you crash into his life repeatedly without notice; you see him display more emotion in the short time that you've known him than people he's known for decades. and the worst part is, he doesn't hate it at all.

alhaitham doesn't hear you approach the first time, head buried in his arms as he tries to block out all external stimuli — the noise cancelling headphones are working, yes, but not as well as they should be. even then, he's quite startled when you pull the hood of his jacket up and lean right into his face.

"fuck off," he says, and your eyes widen. you've never once heard him swear before.

"you good, bro?" you ask, sliding shamelessly into the chair opposite him at his little cafe table.

"i'm not your bro," he says, sitting up straighter. "and i'm fine."

"no you're not," you reply immediately. "you're wearing a hoodie and sweats. something's not right."

"it's just a bad day," he says at last. "i'm having a bad day. there, happy?"

you sigh. "why're you out and about, then? let's go back home."

"no." it comes out harsh, harsher than he wants it to, and you flinch, and he's never felt worse in his life. but you shake your head like a dog shaking off water, and smile at him, big and bright. he thinks you might be the sun, coming down from the sky to cater specifically to him, even though it's raining outside.

"that's fine, we can go to mine instead."

"you have a place?" he asks, so surprised that it slips out before he can stop it. you laugh at his taken-aback face, and even he musters up a smile at that. maybe all is not yet lost, he muses as he gets up.

.

alhaitham hates the dark, hates not being able to see. the blinds in your dingy apartment are pulled down to the floor, and you haven't bothered to turn the lights on yet. rain pelts the windows around you, and alhaitham's hoodie is slung carelessly over the back of a chair — your only one, actually, but it doesn't matter — which is wildly uncharacteristic; when'd he stop caring about hygiene so much?

you're on top of him — wow! — and he watches you through half-lidded eyes, free hand coming up to play with your hair. it's green again, he notes; this time it's the colour of his eyes. he's not sure how you've ended up here, in bed, instead of at the table where he'd opened up to anyone for the very first time in his life. not that he minds it, really. your fingers are cool around his wrist — your hands are always rather cold — and you press your lips to his soulmate tattoo, and he grins, and maybe his bad day isn't that bad after all.

but just because your relationship — that's still not really a relationship, considering he only sees you on and off every few months — has its highs, doesn't mean it doesn't have its lows, either. after all, you are still from very two different worlds.

it's only natural for him to be upset when you show up at his door again, bloodied and bruised. he knows it's hard for you, he knows this is all you know, but really. he's let you in, so why don't you do the same? or let him do something for you, even if it's in return for everything you've ever done for for him.

so he tells you that (for the sixth time over the course of knowing you, if he's kept count correctly) and as usual, you deny.

you're sitting on his kitchen counter by a stack of books you've taken from his shelves, mouth full of grilled chicken when he comes up to you, looking more serious than usual. though he's between your legs, hands on the counter on either side of you.

"what's up?" you ask after you swallow, confused.

"you need to stop this. stop running around and risking your life for unnecessary shit."

"it's not unnecessary, i need all that," you argue.

"i can get you everything you need and more, so if you think about it logically—"

"fuck logic!" you snap. "i'm good just like this, thanks. besides, i don't want to depend on anyone else, not anymore, anyways."

"and i am risking my job for you, so maybe stop and look at the bigger pciture." alhaitham is calm, eerily so. but you know he has a point. you know this isn't something he — either of you — should be doing. "y/n, please, if you stop this— this foolish thieving you've got going on, i can help you, the way you need."

"i don't want your help," you retort before realising that this is escalating too fast. you decide to change the subject instead. "there's a lot of other things you're giving me, and it's enough. hell, it's way too much!"

"what do i even give you?" he asks, genuinely intrigued. you make a funny face at him, and his curiosity turns into distaste as he grimaces.

"you're disgusting."

something between a scoff and a lugh escapes you, and you get up, placing your plate by the sink as you head towards where you kept your shoes. "you're even worse, mr. respectable police officer. helping out a lowly thief like me? on a regular basis too!"

he glares at you, crossing his arms defensively. "you know there's a reason."

"i think i forgot." you smile without remorse; it's obvious that you haven't forgotten anything. alhaitham, for one, knows your memory is top tier. "actually, i think i need you to remind me again."

he makes a discontented noise low in his throat. "it's because we're soulmates, because i'm in love with you. there, are you satisfied?"

"very." you are. "so gimme a kiss, alhaitham, and i can go on my merry way— see you at my next crime scene, maybe?"

"maybe not." he leans back when you lean up, and your lips turn down in response.

"what, hate me that much?"

he shakes his head. "give it a try, please. not being a nasty little thief, i mean."

you roll your eyes. "and what do i get in return? exactly, nothing!"

he sighs. "c'mon, pretty—"

"what'd you call me?"

alhaitham purses his lips. "you have nothing left to lose, i'll take care of you. we can have an actual—"

"my honour doesn't allow that."

"what honour do you have, living off— off shit you steal?" his voice, in contrast to his words, is surprisingly gentle. "when you know i could help you make a change."

you swallow. no one's happy now.

"like i said," you begin, and your voice wobbles. "like i said, i should get going now."

"alright." he moves automatically now, like he's only doing it because he's being forced to, deflated, like something in him has been extinguished. he doesn't attempt to talk to you again, although he does kiss you goodbye like he usually does. it's only when you've walked halfway down the drive does he speak again.

"y/n," he calls; you turn around, caught off guard by the sudden use of your name. "we're soulmates. no matter what, you'll always end up with me. try to fight it all you want, but it's the truth. it's as true as the sun in the sky and the books you read."

and he shuts the door, and you don't see him again for the next six months.

when you do see alhaitham again, there's not only a defeated look in his eyes — as usual, every time he finds you — but one in yours too. you're covered in dirt and grime and blood, knuckles bruised a sick mix of blue, purple, and green that he knows will look even worse later. you look like a cornered creature, feral, flighty, ready to attack at any given moment. your poise looks relaxed, but from years of experience and knowing you he knows that it's nothing less than a disguise. you're so on guard, you're physically unable to let it down around him.

"what happened?" he takes a single, firm step towards you, but nothing more. no sudden movements, no actions that will cause you to work yourself up further.

"almost got caught," you force out. you're panting, voice raspy, eyes following all his movements.

"oh." he softens, visibly. "well. not much i can do now, right?"

"yeah."

"unless…"

"yeah, i'm done."

he tries to hide the smile that creeps up on his face, and fails miserably.

you let him take you home that night; whatever inside you that had been fuelling all of this seems to have finally burned itself out. you let yourself cry when he bandages you up, rough hands tender upon yours. and when he begs you, again, to allow him to take care of you, you don't refuse.

opening up to people is hard; he knows that better than anyone else, and when you do begin to speak, eyes trained on your lap, where your bandaged hands fidget with each other. your voice is shaky, but you are speaking, and he is listening. and in the little piece of the world that's yours — you, and him, and the house that you now share — that is enough.

the robberies around town die down all of a sudden; coincidentally the records of the perpetrator of those aforementioned crimes are all erased due to a mishap while saving some files. alhaitham's records are perfectly clean; better officers than him — if any — are found few and far between. and no one makes the connection between you and the infamous thief in town.

and it's while it's not the easiest or most enjoyable ride ever, the two of you do get your happy ending. you think you don't deserve it, but he knows you do.

© reocidal 2024

[ruthytwoshakes]

after 30 hours we’re done!!!

I love little pootis so much, a fantastic series. If you haven’t seen it yet I really recommend it!! I bought one of the plushies for my little siblings for Christmas hehe.

I’ve been wanted to make some fanart for it for a while, but I wanted it to be special! Since it means too much to me and my family :3 so I tried my hand at digital painting again! Here’s my process:

First I started out with the sketch and putting in the values, (that image is the scene I was referencing.) and since I have absolutely no idea how perspective works I just guessed and went “eh good enough.” I also used my radical composition skills to give the whole thing some life! (Golden ratio my beloved.) I should have gotten some reference images, first mistake, but I was way too excited lol.

Then I duplicated the layer and started painting over my sketch using some painting and blending brushes. Unfortunately I forgot to capture any in-betweens of this process so it makes it a little hard to explain. But once I got my values down and my painting rendered to point I wanted it to be, we started coloring!

And oh god! This is why the painting took 30 hours! This was my first time painting using this method, so I was so not ready for the coloring part. I’m in a love-hate relationship with gradient maps so the coloring was mostly done with blending modes, I think I used the linear light mode?

After watching a stupid amount of videos by Marc Brunet I finally got it! Used just one overlay layer and adjusted my colors and values as needed for this one. Used a couple gradients and other techniques to get the snow and the water looking how I wanted, and we’re almost done!

My favorite step! Adding a bunch of textures and sparkly stuff! It’s not for everyone but I really like it. And congratulations we finished our first painting yippee! Thanks for reading :3

little pootis by @quazies

[candlelightreader]

I was just listening to the DVD commentary on the Snakes episode and I know Grissom and Sara's scene (the only scene they're present in this Nick-centric ep) is big--obviously shipper nirvana--but the commentary by George Eads and the rest (I think one of the writers and either a director or producer) added so much weight that I'd never considered before!

So, Eads remarks on how Sara is the only one who ever talks to Grissom that way. This is, as she really dials up the husky, soft voice she adopts with Grissom. Eads also observes that Grissom is always himself with her, i.e. more of a nerd and rather stripped bare in a way he never is with anyone else. They all make comments on how emotional the scene is and how revealing it is of their relationship because, as always, Sara is 'putting it [her attraction and ongoing interest] out there'. She is never shy about wanting him. (I really need to transcribe the commentaries.)

But Eads keeps coming back to the idea that Grissom is more Grissom or is more himself with her than with any of the others. I'd add that it is not only the fact of their professional position that makes him freeze with her--I think Grissom is talking about himself when he asserts that some men are intimidated by beauty.

You know what magic, Grissom!

Anyways, something I hadn't thought of is that Grissom almost says something back, such as "Let’s go to dinner." But, of course, Sara overtalks and halts his momentum such as it were. But even more, it made me realize how pivotal this scene is, even compared to the Nesting Dolls reveal of her childhood trauma, because this is the moment when Grissom knows 100% that he isn't too late. The flirting takes on a different dimension after this. The looks become more meaningful.

This is especially significant when you consider that ealier in the season, the writers and producers are talking about the explicit intro of Sofia as a romantic interest for Grissom. She was there to create tension and her chemistry with Grissom was very much not subtext. So the decision to make 'this thing' with Sara more solid in the presence of this new love interest adds to the dynamic more than ever. Because the chemistry with Sofia is too easy and too simple. He's too smooth with her. He knows what to say to her at a given moment, because he has no interest in Sofia romantically and doesn't feel threatened by her. She really is just a colleague he doesn't hate. Ultimately, Sofia doesn't leave him speechless the way Sara does. He is not 'himself' when he is with her. Sara, on the other hand, always renders him vulnerable, which of course is why he distanced himself from her in season three, as he realized in four.

And we can see how Sara's effect on him is unique when looking at his other love interests: he does have speechless moments with Terri but by the end, no so much--perhaps there is a sense that while he is attracted intellectually, and somewhat sexually, there is no sentiment after all. With Heather, he never is at a loss for words, which leaves me to lean towards the notion that he was indeed never involved with her romantically--but, perhaps, it is her who makes him discover that sex without love makes him sad whether through conversation or more... In other words, grissom is typically putting on an air with other people. He's fully insulated against them and can act out the persona of an assured, curated Grissom, the bossman, the tin man, the nerd, the professor, the mentor, the father figure, etc.

But with Sara, he is exposed.

[pupmkincake2000]

So, about 2 months ago I started posting hankcon content on the Detroit subreddit. Nothing special, just some funny screen shots from the game and my own renders. I got a lot of hate for it, because Hank and Connor are considered by a lot of people there "to be father and son coded" (which even sounds cringy, considering the history of their relationship and considering they do not mind other ships at all)… and I also gained invaluable experience of how hypocritical our society actually is. People complain that they are "tired of seeing hankcon content" and this is despite the fact that I am the only person who has made any hankcon posts there in years (Reddit, by the way, deleted my post about how if Hank was more visually attractive, no one would care about the ship and that he is 53 ), and I haven't posted anything ship-like there for weeks, but people keep whining. And I don't get it why they are trying to push us, hankcon fans, into "have your own hankcon subreddit, here we must have only dbh related content" thing. Although any content created in the DBH fandom is DBH related content. That is, hankcon is a part of all of this and we are not obliged to be outcasts in this rotten society. Why is it permissible to openly talk about other pairings and characters, but if you start talking about hankcon, you are considered a weirdo? But, to my honest surprise, there were even adequate people who directly asked the fatherson fans/antis to calm down because hankcon actually is a big part of DBH fandom and doesn't harm anyone who's not biased.

But here's what I realized: there are hankcon fans there too, maybe not many of them, but they exist, they are just scared to openly talk about what they love and I think it's wrong. I think that we should talk about hankcon as loudly as possible, because we have no less rights to love our ship as other people love theirs.

[indigo-scarf]

Parental abuse & the Malfoys

The most common way I've seen parental abuse portrayed in fanfic never resonated with me. In fic, the ethos of an abusive parent often reads as: "I want to hurt you as much as possible, because I hate you" — and that doesn't reflect my own experience.

Of course, it might reflect other people's experiences, or the fics might not even be aiming for realism at all, so I'm not here to argue that you can't write like that. But to those interested in another possibility, I want to share my perspective.

The way I understand my parent's (twisted, unacceptable, but genuine) logic is:

"I love you. I want to get along with you. Us having a harmonious relationship is the default state, until you do something that hurts me, or shows that you don't value the love I am offering you. Then I have to discipline you, or I react aggressively because I've been aggressed upon. If you only behave, we can be the happy family I want us to be."

And in my view, this applies to Lucius Malfoy too.

The Borgin & Burkes scene in CoS suggests a heavy-handed intention of JKR's to portray Lucius as the shallow trope of an unidimensionally cold father, but if that's what she was attempting, she failed. Lucius and Draco do seem to get along most of the time.

As many have pointed out, Lucius is willing to listen to Draco's rants about Harry Potter; he shares news articles and sensitive information with Draco; he gets extremely involved in Draco's school life, and attends his every Quidditch game; there is always a sense that Lucius and Draco are gleefully teaming up to get in someone's way.

Lucius didn't suddenly realise in Deathly Hallows that his son was important to him, he's always known that. Even Voldemort knew that, hence his conclusion that targeting Draco would be the worst way to punish Lucius.

However, the Borgin & Burkes scene does add an essential layer to their relationship: Lucius cannot handle frustration.

He wants Draco to succeed, but if he doesn't, that is a threat to Lucius's ego. He can't have a son bested by a Mudblood! That kind of shame terrifies him, and renders him not only aggressive, but frantic.

Because why would Lucius Malfoy want to humiliate his son in front of "riffraff" like Borgin?

Why would he want to broadcast, "Hey, people who should admire my family as your superiors, look what a failure the Malfoy heir is, he can't even beat a Mudblood at school! He'll end up a lowlife criminal!"

I imagine this kind of berating is not uncommon whenever Draco threatens Lucius's ego by doing anything he fears will reflect poorly on him — but it would be kept behind closed doors. To the world, both Lucius and Draco are interested in presenting the best image of their family.

For Lucius to do this in public, he must be really feeling the pressure of Harry Potter's reappearance, and all the threats to his status that came along with it. He might be so sick of hearing about him not because he's sick of his son, but because Harry is making him feel so destabilised.

Now, of course Lucius would never admit he made a mistake, or stoop down to apologising to anyone, much less a child he wants to respect his authority. He would just convince himself Draco deserves whatever harshness he incurs when he fails to be a "good team player", and then the game goes on as it should — as a loving, harmonious family.

It's not so much lack of love, but the conditional nature of Lucius's love that makes Draco vulnerable to Voldemort.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

beautiful (nsfw)

jan stevens/f!reader

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

tags: lesbian sex, body image issues, rosacea, relationship study, oviposition

written for @alexusonfire

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

beautiful

Jan knows how to love you.

She peppers sweet kisses all over your flushed face, your rosacea rendered more prominent by the blush born out of desire as she rubs gentle circles over your underwear, the fabric growing damper by the second. She laughs when you thank her.

“What exactly are you thanking me for, darling?” she chuckles into the soft, flushed skin of your cheek as she pulls the soaked underwear aside and gently, slowly slides a single finger inside of you. 

Besides the hot, aching want, there is confusion. Does she not see you?

“I know I’m not, ah,” you breathe out, “the prettiest girl, and yet you make me feel…”

You can’t bring yourself to finish the sentence, to find the right words, because Jan curls her finger and presses into that rough, sweet spot that makes your mind go blank. “Ah, Jan!” you cry.

“How?” she murmurs in-between soft kisses on your cheeks, nose, chin. “How do I make you feel? Tell me.”

She pumps her finger faster, applying just the right amount of pressure — she knows your body well by now, never fails to pay attention to what makes your thighs tremble and your breathing grow laboured, what makes you moan louder. 

“Wanted,” you whine as pressure deep in your belly starts to build. “Ah! You make me feel… wanted.”

“My beautiful girl,” she coos at you when you come undone around her finger. She's always warm and gentle, but still somehow overwhelming. The only thing you are aware of is Jan. Her lips on your burning cheek, her warm breath on your flushed skin, her body that radiates heat, looming over you, trapping you against the bed, her finger still inside of you. Jan, Jan, Jan, everywhere. 

“Beautiful,” she continues to whisper into your skin. She kisses your cheeks that are speckled red and that you hate so much, but she seems to love. 

She sounds so genuine that you don’t dare argue with her.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

She never closes her eyes when she kisses you. It’s somewhat unnerving — or it would be if it were anyone else but Jan.

“Why do you never close your eyes when we kiss?” you ask one day as you sit in the garden under the apple tree that barely started blooming, admiring blackbirds chirping.

She cups your face and pulls you close. Her bright blue eyes lined with perpetually smudged black eyeliner and that signature messy eyeshadow shine with adoration. 

“Because you are art,” she says. “And it is a crime not to admire art when it stands right in front of you.”

You laugh in disbelief, and she shuts you up by crushing her mouth into yours, making your head spin with her wet, hot kisses. 

She doesn’t close her eyes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

You kiss in the drawing room, sprawled on the sofa. “Jan,” you say, pulling away, “shouldn’t we go upstairs?”

“I’m afraid I can’t wait to touch you,” she says, kissing along your jaw. “I want to have you right on this sofa.” 

“But it’s — ah! — only five minutes to get upstairs!” you breathe as she bites your neck. 

“Too long,” Jan chuckles into your skin and pins you down onto the sofa, straddling you. You have no further argument to offer. 

She kisses the flushing skin of your cheeks as you grind against each other. The small sofa creaks under your weight, mirrors the rhythm of your hips. Laboured breathing and quiet moans echo throughout the empty, dark drawing room. Jan watches you with love and reverence in her eyes as she reaches her peak and coats your thigh in her wetness. The mere sight makes you come undone as well. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

She has a lot of love to give — too much, everyone always says — she’s too much. Too tall, too imposing, too prone to meddling into everyone’s affairs, too preoccupied with her job. She is too eager, wears too much makeup, has too extravagant tastes, likes young, pretty artists that come to the Institute just a little bit too much. 

They don’t see her the way you do. Love swirls inside of her, begging to be released, to be given. If anything, she is too loving, too generous, too kind. They say she’s too much, but perhaps everyone else isn’t enough. 

“I’m fat,” you say one evening as you’re getting ready for the afternoon mixer — an informal press conference of sorts, to announce your new album. You look at yourself in the mirror, pinching your thighs, your belly, tugging at your underwear that digs into your soft skin. 

Jan, now out of her bunny pyjamas she lounged in all day and already half-dressed, puts her hands over yours and presses her front into your back. She towers over you, and you lean your head onto her breasts. You watch her reflection in the mirror, relieved to tear your gaze away from your own image. Her eye makeup is somehow even darker than usual (if that sort of thing is even possible), her hair styled in intricate finger curls. She looks enchanting and just a bit unsettling — like an oversized doll.

She squeezes the soft flesh of your belly. “You are perfect,” she says.

“I’m fat,” you repeat.

She comes in front of you and kneels. “I never said you weren’t. I said you are beautiful.”

You sometimes wonder if Jan simply doesn't see what you see, you worry that you somehow tricked her into thinking you're beautiful — but it seems that she sees exactly what you see, and yet something completely different at the same time. 

You rest your hands on her hair as she kisses your belly, your hips, your thighs, leaving plum lipstick marks all over your skin. Her hair is hard and clumped from hairspray. You caress it fondly. 

“My beautiful girl,” she whispers, planting a kiss right onto the band of your underwear. Her fake eyelashes flutter like butterflies as she blinks up at you, watching you like you truly are a piece of art — something exquisite, something special, something to be admired. "You're simply gorgeous."

For the first time ever, you don’t argue with her. “Thank you,” you say.

She kisses your belly button and gets up. When you dress, she compliments you again, and she seems to be unable to refrain from touching you. 

She doesn’t stop showering you with compliments all throughout the evening. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jan knows how to love you.

You gasp when she inserts the gelatine eggs inside of you. They stretch and fill you deliciously. She discards the neon dildo once all three eggs are inside of you. 

“If only you knew how pretty you look like this,” she murmurs into your thigh as she kisses it, all while eyeing your filled pussy with lust in her eyes. Pink gelatine drips out of pink folds as the eggs slowly melt inside of you. She licks it. 

She never breaks eye contact with you as she eats you out. Your muscles convulse with pleasure, and one egg slips out of you. She catches it with her mouth, spits it out in her hand, and then shoves it back inside of you, making you groan as you’re stretched once again. 

“No one else would let me do this. No one ever let me love them like this,” she says, wiping gelatine from her lips — a futile gesture, for moments later her mouth is back on your aching pussy. She watches you as she sucks at the pink flesh and licks the pink gelatine.

“No one else would ever love me like this,” you say, unable to peel your eyes away from the odd, beautiful, fantastic, absolutely mad woman between your legs. 

She stops pleasuring you for a moment, huffing in disbelief. You feel the gust of cool air on your wet, hot cunt. “You say it as if it were a chore,” she says before continuing to devour you with gusto.

“I love you,” you breathe out after a mere couple of minutes, when an intense orgasm washes over you and eggs slide our of your pussy and onto the silken sheets. 

“I love you, Jan,” you cry as she continues to suck on your clit that aches with overstimulation, making your thighs close around her head. You close your eyes. Hot tears stream down your red, splotchy cheeks. After a couple of moments you feel her wet and slick lips on your cheeks, kissing the tears away. 

“I love you too, my beautiful girl,” she says.

You believe her. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

taglist: @opheliauniverse @dumbasslesbi @bychrissi @scream-queenlover @muffintopxs @bigolgay @gwenslucifer @weemswife @yourhauntedhead @carnivorousflowers @i-have-insane-that-i-am-paper @softshrimpy @willowshadenox @syrenacrainn @weemssapphic @dianneking @imprincipalweemspet @kimiinou @ninelesbien @i-love-nerdy-stuff @eveymay @myzzjolanda @pluied-ete @brienneswife @gwenzone @principal-weems09 @inlovewithalcinadimitrescu @gela123 @emilynissangtr @gwendolinechristieiscute @h-doodles @winterfireblond @larissaoftarthweems @a-queen-and-her-throne @bikergurl5 @salems-spaghettios @theflashesoflove @catechristiesstuff @vendocrap8008 @billiedeansbitch @coffeemelko @lilfartbox1 @amateurwritescm @daydream-cement @kaymariesworld @sicklygrlsicklygrl @wh0re4women @rippersz @milfsloverblog

[erika111111]

Just to show everyone how truly toxic and evil these Rylan shippers really are. I rest my case.

NEVER ONCE did I say if you like a gay ship are you misogynistic or fetishize gay men. I said that specifically about the Lyan-hating Rylan shippers, NOT EVEN all of the Rylan shippers. Using the term "braindead" is ableist and disgusting (I actually lost a relative who went braindead after having a seizure so this really fucking triggered me). Apparently these people would rather use ableist insults against me than actually read my damn post, because I NEVER said that, and never would. I literally ship several gay ships, just take a look at my blog, man. Sure seems to me like some people got butthurt and despite me not calling them out specifically because these were NOT the people I was targeting with my posts, my post triggered them because they took it as a personal attack. I also said I ship LAURAMAX, not Lyan. I made a whole ass LauraMax playlist. I don't EVEN like Lyan. I stood up for the minority group that was being bullied, I'm not "hiding behind canon" to "ship my shit" or whatever. I actively ship LauraMax, there's no insecure canon shield being held here, I don't like Lyan, but again, canon is canon. I'm not wallowing in any misery, but clearly you are, or you wouldn't be attacking and mocking me behind my back when I literally didn't say a single word to you. No one's hiding behind canon. Canon is canon. If you don't understand what that means, that's your problem. And for the millionth time, not all Rylan shippers are bad, misogynistic, or fetishize gay men. I met some very nice Rylan shippers. I said the LYAN HATERS and the Chrashley/Jossam haters you get around here are. So stop accusing me of whatever bullshit you're accusing me of (homophobia, pfft, nice try, I ACTIVELY ship Blygbank, Jemily, and ChrisMike; again, how about you actually take a look at my blog and PUBLIC likes before making baseless accusations) and actually read my damn post before you get offended and sarcastic and start attacking me and making nonsensical accusations. Never once did I say that the only way to like Rylan was to be delusional, misogynistic, or fetishize gay men. Never. I specifically said I don't care what you ship. Again, it was targeted at the Lyan haters and people like them where they literally admit to that sort of thing. But okay, just make up lies about me because you're angry and miserable, that's cool too. Also I don't believe I ever said anything about race?? So I sincerely hope that part wasn't about me too. I'm literally in an interracial relationship and I'm the POC.

And seriously, how the fuck is saying someone saying it's disgusting for people to fetishize gay men render them a homophobe? That's the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard and the complete opposite of the entire point I was making with that statement. I'm LITERALLY saying it's disgusting for people to ship a gay ship if it's just because they have a fetish for gay people. We all know those people exist. Are they everyone who ships a gay ship? No, obviously not. But they exist and they're disgusting. That's the point I was making. That should've been obvious but again, I guess people can't see behind their rage to read that much. And I think just because I don't like this ONE PARTICULAR gay ship, you people were just waiting for the opportunity to call me a homophobe because it was easy even though it didn't make sense. But again, Blygbank, Jemily, ChrisMike, Jerin, and that's just from Supermassive Games. I like all kinds of ships, gay, straight, I don't care. Sexuality does not affect my opinion of any given ship. (Also, I made character playlists for the cast and put several gay artists in Dylan's, like Mike Taveira, JORDY, Passion Pit, all of whom I love dearly, and literally put a reference to Rylan but also putting Radiohead in Dylan's playlist as well, as Radioheads is the other Rylan ship name. But, you know, apparently I'm a homophobe. Whatever.)

Also, why try to attack me for being "new?" That's just weird. This blog is relatively new but I've been using Tumblr since I was 11. I didn't block anybody because I thought they wouldn't see my posts if I did, that's another crazy accusation and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I block people I don't even hate, I just block people whose content I simply don't want to see, plain and simple. Some people view that as a stretch, yes, but I literally temporarily blocked some people who were talking about the Until Dawn remake because I didn't want to see it at the time, I had nothing against the bloggers themselves though. Who the hell would even assume blocking someone would make them unable to see YOUR posts? It's the other way around. Again, that comment was just weird. Also, for the millionth time, I said I don't care what you ship and this was not some call to get people to stop shipping Rylan. So no, I will not be dying mad. Once again, I sincerely just don't care. If you like the ship, good for you. Truly. I'm only mad now because you people shoved lies in my mouth and called me/my opinions some very insulting, disgusting things.

This fandom clearly does fucking suck. Thanks for proving it. Also even some Rylan shippers say the fandom sucks, so what say you to that? The only good in the fandom is not Rylan and I very much enjoy tons of other The Quarry content. Again, check my likes. And Lyan shippers get a whole lot of hate so why are people who don't ship Rylan the only ones who need to change and not the people actively hating the Lyan shippers? Hypocrisy.

Now block me and leave me the fuck alone. Literally attacking me for no reason. I didn't even know you three existed. There were no personal attacks and I didn't call you any names. I didn't call anybody any names, but you guys sure did. "Personal attacks, what you say about me, insults from unserious people, how insightful," you guys really thought I was talking about y'all. It's just sad. You made literally all of this stuff up. You really should calm down and actually read my posts first or maybe just ASK ME if I was talking shit about you guys behind your backs if you were concerned or offended. None of this had to happen if you just calmed down enough to communicate like adults. Yet, I'm the one not being an adult here? Okay. Your attacking me and hatred for me is completely unwarranted and unnecessary. I was talking about other people. But NOW I'm mad. @erzivy @pandanomalous @ghostradiodylan (And if there were more of you, I don't care, just block me as well and move on.)

EDIT: These people still keep shit talking me and spreading lies behind my back despite calling them out specifically and just wanting to move on. Can't have this keep affecting my day to day life and clearly nothing that I do will stop them from shit talking me and speading lies so I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and block them and stop engaging with this bullshit. The amount of lies and evil things that have been said to and about me is fucking overwhelming over a goddamn video game. This is no longer worth my time, sorry. I actually have a life unlike you people. Edit 2: It got to the point where these people are making alt accounts to continue to attack me and I just... don't have the words anymore. All I'm gonna say about this one is that I didn't put fandom wank in the tags, I don't even know what that term means, that tag was only used by the people attacking me but there were a lot of reblogs/replies so I guess it got confused somewhere. You can't force people not to tag things. And it's not "bEcAuSe i'M nEw," everything I actually did tag I did intentionally so you know, people would see it? If people with an unpopular opinion about a series can't even tag said series then you're doing nothing but intentionally silencing them because you disagree with them, plain and simple. Also the Lyan haters always tag "Lyan" and "The Quarry" in their Lyan hate posts and I don't see you complaining about them. Again, complete and total hypocrisy and it's pretty clear this argument isn't about being fair or moral, it's just about what you want and demanding that your opinion is the only one on the website. Same thing with Hackearney as well, although I also don't ship them, everybody tags "Hackearney" and "The Quarry" on their Hackearney hate posts too and I don't see you complaining about that even though there are also people in this community who are fans of and ship them too. So why does this nonsense only apply to Rylan? Hmmm. Leave me alone now. Please and thank you. Edit 3 and hopefully final, to clear my name of all the remaining slander: I was not talking about anyone on Tumblr, I was talking about people in chat/comments on Twitch and YouTube who were bashing Lyan shippers, fetishizing gay people, and ignoring canon. TheCaitlinMarie was one of the streamers/streams this happened on, I forget the others now. I was watching/participating in a lot of livestreams at the time and a lot of people were playing The Quarry to prep for the Until Dawn remake. Not everything is about you, Tumblr. You people obviously won't believe me even after citing proof, but whatever, that's your problem. I spoke my truth. Also, saying "you need better reading comprehension skills" to insult me, me calling you out for insulting me, you going back to edit and delete that portion of your post, and then accusing ME of being the one that started that insult is one of the pettiest, most childish things I've ever experienced. Just yet again proves me even more right that you people are the nasty ones desperate to make yourselves look like the good guys and demonize me. Also, laughing at/mocking someone's triggers/trauma makes you trash. And thanks for admitting to intentionally talking shit about me behind my back so you could try to get away with it. And all of you ignoring/not replying only to the specific portions of my post where literally every time I factually proved you wrong, not taking back a single slur, insult, or accusation because you're mad and embarrassed I proved you wrong. Peace. Though you'll probably never find it. Edit 4: @camillabanilla Justice Smith himself said that the "maybe neither" line meant that he was interested in Laura, so his feelings for her are canon; not the ship itself, but I quite literally never said that the ship itself was. Maybe learn something or actually read my posts before running your mouth. Thanks for proving my point as well, I'll add you to the list of toxic conclusion jumping trolls.

[hyuckie-angel]

treasure reaction; college boyfriend

in which they love their partner and their studies (sometimes)

a/n; a lil suggestive in jihoon, yoshi, asahi and doyoung’s parts

최현석 • choi hyunsuk

the making music at 1am boyfriend

the raw talent your partner hyunsuk possesses is no joke

the way music seems to come from his fingertips

magically into the software

renders you speechless sometimes

‘come look at what i made :D’

he’ll never say it but all of his lyric inspiration is you

he’s never failed a project and he knows its because he’s got you there to write about :’)

but anyway

despite adoring his creativity, sometimes he really just has no clue 

like there’s a road in his brain but its one way and the lines are fading

if you get what i mean

it’s really late

the world is silent

you are drifting off into dreams

when out of nowhere you hear a really loud Dm chord blasting through the stereo

‘hyunsukkkkkkkk’

‘yeah? :0′

he’s cute when he’s confused so you forgive him

when he has an early class you sometimes have to get out of bed and force him away from his desk

‘but im almost don-’

‘hyunsuk it is 4am go the fuck to sleep’

sometimes he whips out the guitar at 1am, strumming a few chords and humming along

this you could never say no to

‘i wrote this one for you the other day’

lying there listening to him quietly serenade you fills you with this warm comfortableness 

so you jump out of bed to grab his face 

planting a soft kiss onto his lips

you can feel his grin even with your eyes shut

its safe to say that sleeping doesn’t play a huge part in the relationship, and you could not care any less :)

박지훈 • park jihoon

the ‘if i finish my project will you finish me? ;)’ boyfriend

lord help your soul

jihoon may look like the sweetest, most innocent guy on campus

but oh boy is that incorrect

before you were even dating he was winking at you across the classroom

or running ahead of you to open doors

and despite his wide and elated smile when you finally accepted his advances

he is a fiend

he’s like your own personal devil on your shoulder

‘surely we skip this class’ wink wink wink

you quickly figured out that the best motivation for this man is

well

the intimate kind

the ‘if you finish this project in the next hour ill let you do whatever you want tonight’ kind

he has absolutely no complaints

it was a dream come true when he realised you would reciprocate

besides

both of you would much rather spend a night having fun

than reading coursework and hating life

of course he has his sweet moments

buys you flowers

brings you chocolate when you’re sad

agrees that making a pillow fort is very important rn

cue the next 3 hours of bickering and pillow related injuries

but his tendency to get distracted

makes itself known quite often

of course you use this to your advantage

walking into the room in a tiny little skirt and an almost see through top

you get more attention than you’ve ever dreamed of

and the sex 

you don’t wanna blow up his ego

but it’s just always really, really good

your professor has started to become suspicious

sometimes both of you do fantastic work

but sometimes both your projects look rushed  (¬_¬)

‘we just spent too much time studying for our other class professor i swear’

this boy will be the death of you 

金本芳典 • kanemoto yoshinori

the always late to class boyfriend

you love this boy to the grave

but you cannot count on all your fingers and toes the amount of times he has forgotten about his classes

never once has he done it on purpose

the man just gets so distracted by anything and everything

especially you

he is no thoughts head empty only yn

‘holy fucking fuck i have class rn’

you have his schedule written down in your phone

so when you tell him you’re going to the shops and he says he’s coming

you can tell him 

‘no yoshi you have literature in 5 minutes’

cue yoshi olympic sprinting out of the house

the amount of times he comes back from class with a paper that has been graded 

‘98%... late’

its basically his brand atp

you’re no better sometimes though

if you’re making out and in the back of your mind you know he probably has class soon

but you’d much rather be here

with his hands in you hair and your heavy breaths breaking the silence

you just say nothing

yoshi doesn't care if he’s late because you guys were having sex

in fact unsurprisingly

he quite enjoys it

 as do you lmao

‘yoshi you have class’

‘stfu do you wanna have sex or not jesus’

he’s also developed a sixth sense when around his professors

if he passes by one of them on campus

he immediately leaves your side

jumping behind a bush

as you get confronted by his literature professor asking why tf he missed half an hour of class again

‘just tell them i died’ 

‘no??’

he’s never going to change, but as the wisest men say

yolo

김준규 • kim junkyu

the studies until 5am then sleeps through the class boyfriend

if theres one thing about junkyu

its that sleep >>>>> anything else

(aside from you >> ofc)

he also has this unbelievable fear of failing

so to compensate he spends hours and hours studying

into the night

you wake up sometimes and there’s 4 redbull cans scattered across the desk

and a very unconscious junkyu drooling onto his workbook

you take a photo of him

you gently shake him and wake him enough to get himself to bed

you can always tell how hard he’s working to try and pass his classes with the best marks possible

and you admire him for it

but goddamn does he need to stop staying up so late

you remember the infamous night that he stayed up super late cramming

absolutely determined to pass his exam with the highest marks possible

and then proceeded to sleep through all his alarms

you received a very tearful phone call that morning

‘can you wake me up at 6:30?’

‘junkyu its 5am that is 1 and a half hours of sleep’

‘yea??’

he lives and breaths energy drinks

cue his hands shaking to the point where both of you are like

‘maybe we should go to a doctor’  (≖_≖ )

your favourite thing to do together is nap

because he is always sleep deprived

he turns into a cuddly gremlin when you lie down together

you want to get up and use the bathroom

too bad

wait until he wants to let go

its okay though because he’s so cute

sometimes when you’re napping he unconsciously kisses your forehead and cuddles closer to you

and you have to say nothing so you don’t wake him but also die inside from love and affection

although he is clumsy

and somewhat disorganised

he’s your clumsy and disorganised, and you love him more than anything <333333

윤재혁 • yoon jaehyuk

the ‘whats the answer???’ boyfriend

you met jaehyuk in a class the two of you shared

you could tell he was an absent minded guy

he was often staring towards the front of the lecture hall

looking directly through the teacher

and taking in precisely zero information

but because you were sat next to him

and you liked to think you were a decent person

you would give him a tap on the shoulder every time you thought he was missing something important

this seemed quite mundane to you

just a girl helping out a fellow classmate  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but the butterflies that birthed in his stomach every time you leant over to help him out

made him feel crazy

so he asked you out

after getting over the initial surprise of this gorgeous man wanting to be your boyfriend

you began to notice all these little habits about him

his confused squint when he’s trying to figure something out

the way he clenches his jaw in understanding

his fiddly hands when he’s losing his attention span

and your personal favourite;

the way he leans over to ask you questions about the class

‘hey what did you get for number 1 coz i got 35 but its not even a maths question?’

he’s also so unintentionally funny

‘babe i lost 17 pens can i borrow one?’

once you snorted in amusement so loudly the teacher said bless you

which made jaehyuk loose his shit laughing

and now whenever you laugh at his expense he says bless you

so you slap him (gently)

he pokes his tongue out 

you pretend to get offended

he laughs and kisses you softly

you forgive him immediately

his attention span in class has definitely improved with you helping him

even the professor has noticed

but

he maaaay or may not be pretending to zone out sometimes

just so you’ll tap him on the shoulder and look at him with your pretty eyes and ask him if he needs anything :’)

浜田朝光 • hamada asahi

the quiet sober; crazy drunk boyfriend

when you first met your boyfriend asahi

his quiet and calm temperament had caught your attention

you’d seen him in the library, head down, brown hair falling in his eyes

and you’d realised that you needed this man

he was beautiful

so you went and talked to him

his responses were

well

limited

‘hi’

‘yeah’

‘haha’

but little did you know his heart had swelled and his palms had become clammy at the sight of you

you and your face that he thought was maybe the most gorgeous he’d ever seen

so two months later you were dating

he’d told you he didn’t drink much

he didn’t care for it

but when you were invited to his best friend jaehyuks birthday party, he told you he’d probably indulge a little

“a little” he said

by the time you got into the uber to go to the party, his cheeks were flushed 

by the time you got there, he was smiling wonkily at you like an idiot

about half an hour later and you’d totally lost him

you weren’t worried, it was a safe environment

but you were curious

so out you went to look for him

and there he was on the roof

ON THE ROOF?!?!

his hangover the next morning was his punishment for doing stupid shit you’d told him

now every time you drink

you wait for an incident ™

sometimes he just gets super horny

‘can we leave plzzz babe ;))’

and sometimes he manages things you don’t understand

‘okey we needa go coz that guys wantz to fite me idk why’

but all times, he is hungover for three days and one of his professors thinks he has an alcohol problem 

‘i’m never drinking again’ :(

김도영 • kim doyoung

the hits on you like you’re not dating boyfriend

just like jihoon

doyoung has this innocent exterior, devilish interior 

kinda vibe

he also has absolutely no shame ever

and so has this habit of constantly putting you in awkward situations 

where people think he’s harassing you

but in reality he’s just being a dickhead

‘hey bby girl you wanna come back to my place tonight?’ ;)

before you had told your best friend that you and doyoung were dating

he had come over, slung an arm around your shoulders and gone

‘hey sexy’

you had turned bright red

and your friend had looked so confused you thought she might have an aneurism

doyoung lives in a share house just off campus with three roommates; jaehyuk, jeongwoo and junkyu

the first few times you’d come over, doyoung turned off the weirdness

opting for just following you around

like a lost puppy

but when he realised his roommates didn’t pay you guys any attention

suddenly he’s backing you into walls

grabbing you from behind in the kitchen

staring at your chest almost all the time

and just being a general menace to society 

you have a really lovely and not embarrassing at all memory 

of a beautiful spring day

5:30pm

you and two friends were walking out of class

giggling at everything under the sun

when a voice echoes through the air

a voice belonging to your beloved boyfriend who’s standing 20 feet away from you with a shit eating grin on his face

‘yo yn... is that a mirror in your pocket coz i can see myself in your pants!!!!’ ;)) 

your physics professor was standing right behind him 

you’ve never seen someone go from confident to embarrassed that quickly

but even though he is your personal humiliation creator

you still let him hit

what can you say, he’s dumb but he’s hot lmaooo

渡辺春虎 • watanabe haruto

the ‘i fcking hate this class’ boyfriend

you were the year above haruto

you in your third year of studies, him in his second

you had dreamt your whole life of becoming a marine biologist

dedicating countess hours to study and achieving perfect scores

it wasn’t a secret that you loved all of your classes

now

one evening you were asked by your professor to attend a lecture and maybe help out anyone in need

and that’s when you first saw him

you thought he was cute immediately, his platinum blonde hair framing his face nicely and his glasses sliding down his nose a little

but you weren’t one for pursuing attraction

so you spent the lecture walking around and giving tips to people that asked

until haruto raised his hand as you walked by

secretly happy, you sat down next to him and asked what he needed

it was basically love at first sight for both of you

you spent the rest of the lecture sitting with him

he found you so endearing 

and you thought he was hilarious

all was going so well

until he opened his mouth and went 

‘yeah i fucking hate this class lol’

you awkwardly smiled

‘this is my favourite class’

his grin dropped dramatically

‘ah- ah i’m sorry idk why i said that’

you weren’t offended in the slightest

but his flustered reaction made you giggle

you began dating only weeks later :)

haruto’s favourite thing was to annoy the shit out of you talking about how much he dislikes the classes you love

you could be sitting in the food court

having a loving conversation

and out of nowhere he goes

‘i’m so glad im not in that class rn’

you deadpan stare at him 

if he sees you studying for the class

‘damn i was gonna stay over but not anymore i guess fuck’

so dramatic i stg

despite wanting to punch him in the jaw sometimes

he makes you laugh more than you had in years

and so you can move past the difference in interests for him

박정우 • park jeongwoo

the second-hand embarrassment boyfriend

like

confidently raises his hand and says the total wrong answer

kinda guy

trips over and sprains his ankle in the food court

kinda guy

not that you’d have it any other way

but damn sometimes you have to restrain from cringing visibly

he’s like a walking sit-com

and you are the audience

your personal favourite pass-time is forcing him to listen to his own actions retold from your perspective

as you wheeze with laughter and he sits there like  (－_－) 

he secretly loves it though

if his misfortune is enough to make you happy

he thinks you might be slightly weird

but your happiness is all that matters to him

so he can deal with it

‘im glad me falling on my ass was this amusing to you thanks heaps babe’

one day you were sitting in a class you shared 

it was business and it was boring but it was both of your favourite class because you were in <3 love <3

and jeongwoo had a question

the professor was walking around the classroom so he was waiting

and as they walked over, jeongwoo opened his mouth

and you watched practically in slow motion as he said

‘hey mum i have a question’

your eyes widened

his eyes widened

the professors eyes widened 

doyoungs eyes widened

you held back on laughing until he’d gotten the answer he needed

and then you and doyoung let loose 

‘hey mum’

‘mummy i mean mummy i mean-’

‘excuse me professor birthgiver’

‘OKAY I GET IT SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE’

if he ever gets insecure about anything

you look him dead in the eyes and tell him that he may be an idiot, but he’s your idiot, and thats all that matters :)

소정환 • so junghwan

the spends all his money on you boyfriend

from the beginning

junghwan had been spoiling you silly 

buying you lunches

hearing you say you liked something and immediately purchasing it

you hadn’t thought anything of it at first

assuming it was just a friendly gesture

but the smirks from all your friends told you a different story

after the two of you began dating, his bank account began suffering

you had told him countless times

he didn’t need to be doing all this

but to him, it was his way of showing you he cared

‘you like this? i buy for u bby girl’

‘junghwan no-’

he also wasn’t afraid of showing people how much he spoiled you

read: ‘one time he walked into your class whilst the teacher was talking and everybody looked at him confused and he walked to you and gave you a block of chocolate and then walked straight back out but blew you a kiss just to make sure you were sufficiently embarrassed’

you adore him for it though

no matter how much he tries to humiliate you

you also aren’t allowed to try and pay him back

if he catches you tryna pay for something

or transferring money

its on sight

‘i am a grown man and i am insulted by this behaviour’

sometimes you run to the food court to buy both of you lunch before he gets there

so that he can’t lecture you on spending money

sometimes you think he’s a bit dumb though

you once broke a pencil you’d been using in your art class

and in response junghwan had bought you 83 more

‘why are there 7 parcels at my door rn’

‘damn that shits crazy i have no idea’

despite this

you know his only intention is to be there for you and help you out

so you always thank him with a huge hug 

and only one or two insults about him being a walking wallet

[seastarconstellation]

Does anyone want to scream about Lily Evans and her relationship with Snape with me? I'm writing a longfic and I'm struggling a little with my characterisation.

Okay, actually. I'll start:

Lily fascinates me because we know so little, and what we do know often contradicts in very interesting ways. Who Harry’s parents were is presented as a mystery that Hary solves throughout the books. Lily appears to be even more obscured than James; he has a group of friends to tell Harry all about who he was. People seem much more hesitant to talk about Lily (the marauders mostly bring her up to talk about her green eyes. That part where Lupin talks about being close with her is movie-only), and her closest friend and family actively withhold information. There are never any Griffendor women who talk to Harry about being close to his mom. It leads me to assume that Lily, a known muggle-born from a poor town in the middle of nowhere and a known associate of Severus Snape, wasn’t quite as popular as Slughorn suggested in Hbp

I’m also going to go out on a limb and say she wasn’t quite as put together as you’d assume; she had a baby at 19 or 20, in the middle of a war. I’m really trying to put what I’ve seen happen first-hand with super young parents aside. But even when I accept that Lily was able to be a good mum at such a young age, I can’t pretend that this was a mature decision. A war was happening, and Lily and James were both prominent soldiers in it. Surely she realised how much danger they both were in.

The big bombshell is, of course, her friendship with Snape. We know they became friends at eight years old, considered each other ‘best friends' at one point, that their relationship started crumbling in the fifth year and that she officially cut him off after he called her mud blood at the lake. Other posts have already masterfully illustrated how they were torn apart because they were fundamentally unable to see things from each other's point of view. Severus talks about being bullied, then dismisses the bullying other Slytherins were doing (when Lily tells him about Mulciber using dark magic on a student he waves her off. “That was just a laugh.”). Lily, on her end, seems very eager to believe Griffendor's gossip over her supposed best friend when it comes to the shrieking shack incident. They’re both hypocrites. Completely ignoring each other's issues while blaming the other for not acknowledging their own. So one thing leads to another, Snape yells a slur and Lily decided that enough is enough. Which makes sense, it’s not her responsibility to fix him if he’s starting to get radicalised. There’s a certain tragedy in baby Sneeple being thrown in the dungeon with a bunch of wannabe-death eaters at eleven, but again, that was not for her to fix.

But I’m still completely baffled by the fact that she laughed. Whywhywhy did Joanne(derogatory) write that. That’s your best friend being publically humiliated and borderline sexually assaulted, what in the hell are you smiling for. I’ve tried to argue that she’s not laughing at Snape, she’s getting flustered by James’ antics. But no, that doesn’t make sense either. At that point, she’s still very turned off by him, and she calls him a toerag only a few lines later. His show-off is precisely what she dislikes about him. This would not be charming to her even if she already had a crush.

One explanation I’ve seen is that the friendship was one-sided from Snape’s end. She pitied him when they were kids, got sick of him at Hogwarts and then dragged this dead horse of a friendship around for five years before finding a way out. Meaning that she laughed because she genuinely thought Snape being bullied was funny. And to be honest, I hate this interpretation. It’s just sad, but not in an interesting way. There’s no tragedy there. It reminds me of those fanfics on Wattpad where the love interest was only fake-dating Y/N as a joke.

It’s wildly unrealistic, renders Snape’s sacrifice kind of meaningless, makes him seem like a total idiot and her like an evil harpy. I’m rejecting it on principle.

So… then what? Lily just has a lack of empathy? Demonic possession? Honestly, it seems as likely that Joanne(derogatory) had not quite figured out what their relationship was supposed to be. Because it makes perfect sense if they don’t really know each other, doesn’t it? The smile emphasises that Snape is socially ostracised. The fact that she composes herself emphasises that Lily is a moral figure and does not approve of James’ conduct.

If you have another interpretation that makes sense, please tell me! I’d love to know how others are reading this scene because I feel it’s essential to her characterisation but I’m just not quite able to get there yet.

[backlitmademoiselle]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

Thank you for the tag, @kotaka-kun ! This was such an enjoyable way to reflect on my work. :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 5 works posted.

What's your total AO3 word count?

31,484 (and counting)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

1. A PLACE TO BELONG — The Phantom of the Opera - rated T - 5,398 words - Erik/Christine

2. TRICK AND TREAT — Phantom - rated M - 11,538 (so far) - E/C

3. NOTHING OF TRUTH — Phantom - rated M - 3198 - E/C

4. RED DEATH & THE PRINCE — Phantom - rated T - 4,194 - Meg/Christine

5. MOONLIGHT FLOWERS — Phantom - rated M - 7,156 (so far) - Multi

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always respond to comments, even if it takes a while! I’m of the mind that if someone took the time and effort to read and comment, the least I can do is express my appreciation. 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Probably Nothing of Truth. It’s a Lerouxish insert, set between when Christine is dragged away from the torture chamber, and when we meet her again before Erik forces her hand. I wrote it after reading maybe slightly too much Angela Carter, and so it’s appropriately drenched in (menstrual) blood. 

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably A Place to Belong. Another Lerouxish piece, but a bit of a fix-it, a bit of an exploration for me as to what type of Christine would end up accepting what type of Erik, her thought process for doing so, and the journey of her various realizations after the fact.

Do you write crossovers?

Not yet! I was considering one for crack week, but didn’t have the appropriate time to devote to it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, and I would love it if I never did :)

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve written things, but never posted. :) My pieces tend to flirt with it, though. Phantom, to me, is inextricably linked with desire, no matter the characters or pairings or chosen canon. If my renderings of characters don’t at least kind of want to fuck each other desperately, maybe even reluctantly, bluntly-stated or otherwise, it’s not a BacklitMademoiselle fic.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! God, but what a new fear unlocked.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet. I tend to be very twisty when writing, trying to figure out exactly the right phrasing, trying to find exactly the right rhythm to the prose, and I feel that would be difficult to involve someone in right from the get-go.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

For the tragedy of it, Erik & Christine. For a couple that isn’t canonically a huge clusterfuck, Usagi Tsukino & Mamoru Chiba, from Sailor Moon — specifically the original manga interpretation of their relationship. It’s soulmates/fated across time, done right; they get to know and love each other before they ever find out their past and future lives. It’s a true partnership, and their devotion to and faith in one another is so strong it ends up saving the world way more than once. You could argue Kagome & Inuyasha, from Inuyasha, are somewhat similar. Honestly I guess I just love a strong, empathetic woman and the weirdo/dork who loves her (to varying degrees of success haha).

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Thankfully, I don’t have one of those at the moment! Knocking on wood so hard!

What are your writing strengths?

I think I can be very good at getting into the mind of a character, detailing their thought processes and ways in which they see and move through the world. I also have a soft spot for dialogue; it comes pretty naturally to me (most of the time).

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have so little interest in describing setting that I often have to force myself to put it in, or read over a fic in revision with setting specifically in mind. I also know I can get too lost in the weeds and the interiority of a character, to the detriment of plot, and have to forcibly remind myself that the ease of interiority is literally what sets the written word apart from most other media. (But gosh darn it sometimes I do wish my strokes were inherently broader in nature.)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t particularly favor it. It’s incredibly difficult to get right, if at all.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

There’s so much in Sailor Moon with possibility, that could be expanded and expounded upon, so perhaps I’ll dabble in that fandom some day, but for now Phantom takes up a bit too much of my brain to let any other fic potentials in haha.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t know if I can pick. A Place to Belong is probably the most solid, top to bottom; Trick and Treat the most wacky; Nothing of Truth the darkest; Red Death & the Prince the most overtly thirsty; and Moonlight Flowers is definitely still in progress, but just by nature of it being my first longfic, the most ambitious. I love all my weird children in different ways.

Tagging: @illuminaughti-online ; @shinyfire-0 ; @sloanedestler ; @battydings ; @madamedestler ; @danygiry ; @brendadaaedestler and anyone else that wants to use this as an opportunity to do some reflecting on your works