#i am incapable of not being verbose

[backlitmademoiselle]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

Thank you for the tag, @kotaka-kun ! This was such an enjoyable way to reflect on my work. :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 5 works posted.

What's your total AO3 word count?

31,484 (and counting)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

1. A PLACE TO BELONG — The Phantom of the Opera - rated T - 5,398 words - Erik/Christine

2. TRICK AND TREAT — Phantom - rated M - 11,538 (so far) - E/C

3. NOTHING OF TRUTH — Phantom - rated M - 3198 - E/C

4. RED DEATH & THE PRINCE — Phantom - rated T - 4,194 - Meg/Christine

5. MOONLIGHT FLOWERS — Phantom - rated M - 7,156 (so far) - Multi

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always respond to comments, even if it takes a while! I’m of the mind that if someone took the time and effort to read and comment, the least I can do is express my appreciation. 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Probably Nothing of Truth. It’s a Lerouxish insert, set between when Christine is dragged away from the torture chamber, and when we meet her again before Erik forces her hand. I wrote it after reading maybe slightly too much Angela Carter, and so it’s appropriately drenched in (menstrual) blood. 

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably A Place to Belong. Another Lerouxish piece, but a bit of a fix-it, a bit of an exploration for me as to what type of Christine would end up accepting what type of Erik, her thought process for doing so, and the journey of her various realizations after the fact.

Do you write crossovers?

Not yet! I was considering one for crack week, but didn’t have the appropriate time to devote to it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, and I would love it if I never did :)

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve written things, but never posted. :) My pieces tend to flirt with it, though. Phantom, to me, is inextricably linked with desire, no matter the characters or pairings or chosen canon. If my renderings of characters don’t at least kind of want to fuck each other desperately, maybe even reluctantly, bluntly-stated or otherwise, it’s not a BacklitMademoiselle fic.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! God, but what a new fear unlocked.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet. I tend to be very twisty when writing, trying to figure out exactly the right phrasing, trying to find exactly the right rhythm to the prose, and I feel that would be difficult to involve someone in right from the get-go.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

For the tragedy of it, Erik & Christine. For a couple that isn’t canonically a huge clusterfuck, Usagi Tsukino & Mamoru Chiba, from Sailor Moon — specifically the original manga interpretation of their relationship. It’s soulmates/fated across time, done right; they get to know and love each other before they ever find out their past and future lives. It’s a true partnership, and their devotion to and faith in one another is so strong it ends up saving the world way more than once. You could argue Kagome & Inuyasha, from Inuyasha, are somewhat similar. Honestly I guess I just love a strong, empathetic woman and the weirdo/dork who loves her (to varying degrees of success haha).

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Thankfully, I don’t have one of those at the moment! Knocking on wood so hard!

What are your writing strengths?

I think I can be very good at getting into the mind of a character, detailing their thought processes and ways in which they see and move through the world. I also have a soft spot for dialogue; it comes pretty naturally to me (most of the time).

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have so little interest in describing setting that I often have to force myself to put it in, or read over a fic in revision with setting specifically in mind. I also know I can get too lost in the weeds and the interiority of a character, to the detriment of plot, and have to forcibly remind myself that the ease of interiority is literally what sets the written word apart from most other media. (But gosh darn it sometimes I do wish my strokes were inherently broader in nature.)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t particularly favor it. It’s incredibly difficult to get right, if at all.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

There’s so much in Sailor Moon with possibility, that could be expanded and expounded upon, so perhaps I’ll dabble in that fandom some day, but for now Phantom takes up a bit too much of my brain to let any other fic potentials in haha.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t know if I can pick. A Place to Belong is probably the most solid, top to bottom; Trick and Treat the most wacky; Nothing of Truth the darkest; Red Death & the Prince the most overtly thirsty; and Moonlight Flowers is definitely still in progress, but just by nature of it being my first longfic, the most ambitious. I love all my weird children in different ways.

Tagging: @illuminaughti-online ; @shinyfire-0 ; @sloanedestler ; @battydings ; @madamedestler ; @danygiry ; @brendadaaedestler and anyone else that wants to use this as an opportunity to do some reflecting on your works

[literaryvein-reblogs]

writing a disorganized attachment style? Please, and thank you in advance.

Writing Notes: Disorganized Attachment Style

Disorganized Attachment

The most recently identified classification of attachment systems.

In the Strange Situation, a form of insecure attachment in which infants show no coherent or consistent behavior during separation from and reunion with their parents. Also called disoriented attachment.

General Attitude: “I am uncomfortable getting close to others and find it difficult to trust and depend on them. I worry I will be hurt if I get close to my partner.”

CAUSES

Associated with parenting that induces fear in the infant.

Arises from scenarios where a child’s attachment figure or parent is observably frightened or frightening when a child needs comforting or reassurance.

Involves frightening and violent behaviors from parents or caregivers and is, therefore, more common with families suffering from combined or distinct problems of child abuse, domestic violence, and family instability.

CONSEQUENCES

The severe long-term consequences for disorganized attachment systems include later dissociative disorders, anxiety disorders, and serious behavior problems.

Patterns of affective communication that result from frightened or frightening caregiver behavior (e.g., contradictory emotional cues, withdrawal) also correspond to infant disorganization.

PREVALENCE

Disorganization is more prevalent in samples with abuse or neglect and in samples with high levels of parental depression and unresolved loss.

Especially frequent among children who have been subjected to abuse or serious neglect.

Interpersonal Markers of a Disorganized Attachment Style

Proximity/distance: Fear proximity but feel lost without it

Trust/expectations of others: Strong distrust of others, fear of boundaries being breached or violated

Attitude to seeking and receiving help: Afraid of getting involved, but feel helpless

Expression and regulation of emotions: Absent or chaotic expressions of emotions, difficulties in regulating emotions

Self-image/self-esteem: Low self-esteem, incoherent self-image

Openness and self-disclosure: Are reticent about sharing thoughts and feelings, but involuntary ‘breakthroughs’ may occur

Dependence/independence: Strong conflict between the desire for independence and feelings of dependence

Conflict management: Conflicts may lead to breakdowns and inappropriate behaviour

Empathy: Own fear/helplessness hinders empathy and solicitude with others

Narrative Markers of a Disorganized Attachment Style

Coherence and credibility: Trauma-related material is unintegrated in the narrative and destabilizes it

Balance in descriptions: Incoherent, contradictory or suddenly changing descriptions of self and others

Dramatization/downplaying: Sudden shifts between dramatization and downplaying

Description of emotions: Absence of integrated descriptions of emotions, anxiety may ‘leak’ unintentionally

Abstraction/specificity: Both abstraction and episodic fragments are present, but are poorly integrated

Consideration of interlocutor/listener: Can be in ‘own world’ without a sense of the interlocutor, may at times frighten the listener

Verbosity: Can shift between reticence and verbosity

Narrative "orderliness": Abrupt shifts in the narrative in connection with trauma-related material

Mentalization: Magical reasoning and absence of mentalization in connection with trauma-related material

A theoretical and empirical distinction is made between organized attachment patterns (secure, avoidant, and ambivalent) and disorganized attachment patterns.

Later research has shown that children with disorganized attachment patterns often find their caregivers frightening, either because their behaviour towards the child is hostile or inappropriate, or because the caregivers themselves were traumatized and therefore become overwhelmed and incapable of supporting the child when needed (Lyons-Ruth and Jacobvitz, 2008).

This creates an unsolvable dilemma for the child:

The child’s attachment system urges the child to seek comfort from caregivers when scared.

However, if the caregiver is simultaneously the source of fear, the child experiences irreconcilable impulses to simultaneously approach and withdraw from the caregiver.

Like the ‘organized’ insecure attachment patterns, disorganized attachment is NOT in itself a sign of mental illness in a child.

However, out of the four attachment patterns, it is the pattern most systematically connected to mental problems in the long term (Dozier et al., 2008 , Greenberg, 1999).

Disorganized Attachment: As Adults

As adults, these individuals have difficulty with:

trust,

lack empathy towards others, and

are worried about their partner’s commitment.

These individuals engage in a push/pull dynamic, sometimes wanting intimacy and other times not wanting intimacy.

These individuals struggle to understand their emotions and downplay the importance of relationships.

Disorganized Attachment: In a Relationship

Experience conflicting desires for intimacy and fear of rejection or betrayal (Fearful-Avoidant).

Extremely inconsistent behavior and difficulty trusting others.

You might even go back and forth from seeking closeness with your partner to withdrawing in order to protect yourself from potential harm.

This may stem from childhood experiences of trauma, neglect or abuse.

Struggling to trust others and often feeling overwhelmed by emotional needs are indicators of a disorganized attachment style.

Other signs include:

Fear of rejection

Inability to regulate emotions

Contradictory behaviors

High levels of anxiety

Difficulty trusting others

Signs of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles

Understanding the different attachment styles can help empower people when it comes to recognizing relational patterns. Knowing your own attachment style will help you to cultivate healthier connections that you deserve! By practicing self-awareness and empathy, you can navigate attachment needs and communicate effectively with all relationships in life.

REMEMBER: Attachment styles learned through childhood CAN change.

When we enter relationships, each partner brings their own unresolved needs or fears. Partners often have different attachment styles, which guides their beliefs and behaviors within the relationship.

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 ⚜ More: On Attachment ⚜ Avoidant ⚜ Anxious ⚜ Secure

Hope this helps with your writing! Please use these notes as just quick references. More research may be needed to write your story.

[aniamra]

Traits that make people terrible moderators

These are just some observations I've made being a moderator in multiple settings, in wonderful teams and bad teams, as well as being in communities that have absolutely festered due to poor moderation. Many of these traits are things you can identify before the person is even appointed a moderator in the first place. (Most of this applies to large-scale servers and/or communities, and isn't always applicable to small and/or personal servers. I am not writing some sort rule book absolutely everyone has to follow, these are just traits that would not make the mod-team cut, to me, you don't have to agree with me.)

Having any hesitation with confrontation. (being a moderator requires confrontation, this is not negotiable. if the idea of confronting difficult people gives you anxiety or panic attacks, don't apply to be a moderator)

Being too eager to confront and/or unable to use tact/kindness when confronting. (those that seek confrontation should not be moderators)

Gets personally offended easily. (any mod that is constantly getting into fights with other users because of perceived slights, will make the whole community feel unable to talk to the mod team)

Is incapable of repairative reading. (moderators need to be capable of reading the best out of someone and not jumping to negative conclusions)

Lacking in compassion. (using tact and kindness leads to faster, more permanent, diffusion of conflicts)

Views any confrontation as a personal attack. (being a moderator means getting a lot of questions, suggestions, and well-meaning 'confrontation' and needs to be met without hostility. ps: tact and firmness are not the same as hostility)

Cares more about their own wants than the server. This can manifest in the form of, in the case of a server/community created for a single individual, ignoring comforts/needs of the individual; in the case of a collective community, being unwilling to negotiate or compromise with the rest or the community/team. Just any abuse of power in general.

Likes to control others. (moderation is about cohesive harmony for a shared goal, not control)

Incapable of being objective and applying the same rules appropriately to all users. (those that expect exceptions for their friends or people they want to impress, or express any other bias of application of the rules, should not be moderators)

Incapable of following the rules, themselves. (if someone wasn't following the rules before they became a mod, it won't change when they do become a mod)

Wants to be a mod for the social collateral, not because they want the community to run smoothly. (those that are constantly vying for attention and validation, that then apply for being a mod, should not be made mods)

Lacks humility. (knowing when to admit you're wrong or have overstepped, is important to being a good moderator)

Lacks the self-awareness of knowing when to put something down and walk away. (as a moderator, self-moderation is a vital skill that must be learned to be able to moderate others)

Refuses to communicate directly and clearly in any given circumstance. (vague communication is bad moderation, any user being approached by a mod should know exactly what they did wrong, and what is expected for future change)

Is prone to soap-boxing/lecturing instead of being concise. (this goes back to communicating clearly and directly; being overly verbose and preachy can make it difficult to understand. You need to give room to allow the member you are confronting to talk and ask questions.)

Incapable of deferring to others with grace where appropriate. (knowing when you're not the best mod for the job, when you're lacking in information, when your ideas just won't work, or when you're compromised is important. and knowing how to properly delicate tasks is a Must for an admin)

[helldustedstories]

Dear anyone who writes with me,

You do not have to match my length when I lose my mind and write ridiculous amounts of text because I am incapable of being concise when I'm having feelings.

Sincerely,

A very verbose idiot who is grateful you put up with them and their shenanigans.

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

Recipe has 7 steps bc that's the kind of explicit instructions I need when I'm cooking a type of food I've never cooked before & figured others might be the same (and bc I have ADHD and am incapable of not being verbose even tho it's also hard for me to read large blocks of text - it's a curse). I also wrote this for the oven bc I don't have an air fryer

Like it's ok if the recipe doesn't work for you but it did kinda hurt my feelings that you took time out of your day to tell me all the reasons why my post, which I spent a while making on Tumblr dot com because I thought it might help people, is bad. like love and light to you but if you don't like the post then just go look one up for air fryer and move on

I hope you enjoy your chickpeas though if you do end up making them :)

I'm not sure why crispy chickpeas aren't everywhere as like a top ADHD snack because they are:

Delicious (so you will actually seek them out/want to eat them)

Crispy (a good stim for texture people)

Easy to make (super hands off, they just roast for like 30 minutes while you do something else)

Healthy (it's literally just beans! Such protein!)

Versatile (you can switch up the seasonings if you get tired of one flavor; you can also put them on/in a bunch of different dishes)

Cheap AF & forgiving of your timeline (a can of chickpeas won't go bad in your pantry if you don't have the energy to make something with them this week)

So here's the resippy.

Cooked chickpeas (I usually use one can)

Olive oil

Salt

Paprika or curry powder or rosemary or your favorite spice (optional)

Steps:

Drain and rinse your chickpeas.

Dump them onto a towel or paper towel and rub them dry a bit.

Remove any loose skins. If you're feeling extra you can remove all the skins; this makes them slightly crispier. I do not find this to be worth it.

Put them on a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you want to save yourself some cleanup). Toss with a drizzle of olive oil, a generous pinch or two of salt, and your seasoning.

Roast in your oven. I usually do 400°F for about 25-30 minutes, but this is pretty forgiving and you can do 425 for 20 minutes or whatever you want to do

Taste a chickpea. It should have an audible crunch. If it doesn't, put it back in until it does

When done, taste for seasoning and add any additional salt or seasoning you want. Proceed to devour them.

These are best fresh, but I still like them later on (if I don't eat them all right away). Store in an airtight container for a couple days at room temp or a few days in the fridge.

Enjoy!!

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

for the ask game: homestuck

I want to preface this with that anything I say about these characters is going to be incredibly abnormal because Homestuck was my hyperfixation media from the ages of 13-16 and it was there for me at a time when nobody else was (half joking) so basically I'm shifting into autistic teenager mode, which is the cringest of all possible modes for this answer.

Blorbo: Dave Strider for sure, although I do want to give a special shout out to Roxy Lalonde here as well because my friends got me into Homestuck by diagnosing me with Roxy-kin. I'm a strilonde girlie to my core, but Dave is my forever girl.

Skrunkly (my baby): Again I have two, there are truly so many characters in this comic. Nepeta reminded me of my little sister at the time, so I instantly developed the weirdest older brother parasocial relationship with her. I'm kissing that cat girl on the forehead but I am also bullying her affectionately in an older brother way for being cringe. And the second if Feferi because look at her. She was my platonic waifu when I was 13, she has a special place in my heart.

Scrimblo Bimblo(underappreciated fav): The Mayor. It might just be because of his proximity to Davekat, the ship ever, but I think he's a neat little guy. There weren't enough cosplays of him because he was a chess piece wrapped cloth. my rotten soldier my sweet cheese my good time boy.

glup shitto(obscure fav): Kankri Vantas. I was a verbose autistic teenaged communist incapable of experiencing self cringe so you know...

Poor Little Meow Meow (problematic fav): You remember how I said I was a strilonde girlie to my core. You how I'm a complete fag? Take a guess. You were right, it's Dirk Strider. I will always stan a king who mailed his own severed head to a cute boy in an attempt to get a little kissie.

Horse Plinko (Character I would torment for fun): I think I'm gonna go with Vriska, but like the main timeline post retcon vriska, the one who was on the meteor with everyone and is dating Terezi, not the dead Vriska who is dating Meenah, Dead Vriska is a queen and I will not hear a negative word about her. Yes she did kill all those people, god forbid women do anything.

Eeby Deeby (Character I would send to superhell): Eridan. He'll pay for putting the incel moves on my waifu. I hate him. (not that much he's still like 13. but I do hate him a little bit)

[zolusbian]

Your fics got me into lacho hyperfixation hell. I have reread all of them two or three times this week alone. You're just so good at their characterization, I love your work. Do you have any advice for writing them? Both in general and any thoughts on how they'd vibe in an au where Lalo meets Season 1/2 Nacho? Lalo is just a slippery character for me to get a grasp on, and I feel like Nacho really changed from earlier seasons but his lack of screentime makes the details and nuances a bit blurry.

hey! thanks so much for the ask!!! and wow, that's a lot of rereading, ha.

as far as writing them, i've been thinking about how i would summarize it. lalo is definitely the harder character to write for but i always say that the upside to writing him is getting to lovingly describe, like, nacho's eyelashes and bow legs, lol.

so here are some general guidelines.

nacho

nacho speaks only what needs to be spoken. he is not verbose nor particularly eloquent. his speech in 6x03 didn't change my mind about this--that's a special occasion. he is also prone to being crude about things, especially in the earlier seasons. ("you're shitting me." "looks like a schoolbus for five-year-old pimps.")

despite what the reality is, nacho has convinced himself that he is doing everything for his dad and that he has a conscious/he's better than everybody else. nacho is a liar to everybody including himself, about everything. this can be tricky to write, because you have to fight the impulse to tell what's really going on to the reader, so trust your reader's intelligence! alternatively, when you go really angsty (as i am prone to do), you can have nacho have moments of self-realization and then bury them with something like sex, alcohol, drugs, or working out. or just zoning out on the couch with amber and jo's mac and cheese or something.

regarding amber and jo: nacho feels a certain detached protectiveness. they are his morality pets. they are there to keep his bed warm. they are there for mindless sex and to make him feel like he's doing something, i.e., housing them and giving them drugs. the fandom joke that they're his housecats is pretty much accurate. he's kinda shitty about it, but nacho is a kind of a shitty guy.

nacho is smart but not too smart. he does not achieve complete self-awareness and he does not think his plans through. he is prone to thoughtless, impulsive actions that he thinks are well-planned (hector's murder.) this is the key thing i have to say about writing nacho: nacho thinks he's better than everybody, but he's not.

lalo

lalo is not incapable of love, empathy or sympathy!!! he is perfectly capable of those things, he just has a fucked-up, salamana-influenced moral code that disregards most people. lalo loves his family, especially his uncle and yolanda (i will die on that hill--he greets her like a man greeting his mama!!!). if he lets you into his circle--which is nearly impossible and something nacho accomplished through the skin of his teeth--he will extend emotions to you. he just simply doesn't care about most people.

relatedly, lalo is not needlessly cruel. it may look like it, but he's practically cruel. he doesn't kill margeritte (sp) or her dog because he doesn't have to, there's no reason to suspect him; he kills hector and the travelwire guy because it's easier to eliminate witnesses. that being said, he can enjoy warranted violence perfectly well--the bell story exemplifies this, but still, in his mind, there was a reason for the violence.

lalo is gay and also does not see women as people. (these are two separate points, but in lalo's mind, are related.) yolanda is the exception because she's not a Woman, she's Mom.

lalo is prone to flourished speech and is a physical talker. it's a nice complement to nacho, who stands there stone-faced and goes "Sure." or "Nah." to everything.

lalo also thinks he's better than everybody. he kinda is. he's not baselessly confident.

a random pet peeve for both of them: i don't like random spanish in fics unless it's something untranslatable ("mijo" for example). i prefer indicating whether they're speaking in english or spanish. i have lacho talk pretty exclusively in spanish with each other, but either way works, really. (i enjoy the headcanons about lalo thinking nacho's chicano spanish is shit, lmao.)

NOW about the au--lalo would be completely charmed by nacho! i think nacho would have to go through the impressing lalo thing, but this time proving he's not just some over-pompous low-level street guy. lalo might be weary and not take nacho as seriously at first. then nacho would reveal some of his inner smarts, bat his eyelashes and swing his hips or whatever, and lalo would go AWOOGAH with cartoon eyes popping out of his head. maybe they'd take down the cartel together, or maybe nacho would prove lalo's fatal flaw. who knows! we'll find out if i ever get around to writing this fic.

i hope this helped! :)

[sincerelylaurel]

50 fancy words to expand your vocabulary (pt 3)

writingwithacutlass on instagram

source: https://www.vocabulary.com/lists/258109

again, these definitions are quite short and not very detailed, so you may want to google them so you can be sure you're using them correctly. and yes i am aware some of these may not sound fAnCy to you but please remember everyone's vocabulary size is different! knowing all of them or not knowing any of them is okay either way <3

litany: a prayer led by clergy with responses from the congregation

lurid: glaringly vivid and graphic; marked by sensationalism

machiavellian: of or relating to amoral or conniving political principles

malaise: a feeling of mild sickness or depression

malinger: avoid responsibilities and duties, often by faking illness

mantra: a sacred utterance or poetic hymn in vedism

maudlin: effusively or insincerely emotional

mercenary: a person hired to fight for another country than their own

minimalist: a conservative advocating only minor reforms in government

misnomer: an incorrect or unsuitable name

narcissist: someone who is excessively self-centered

nirvana: the beatitude that transcends the cycle of reincarnation

non sequitur: a reply that has no relevance to what preceded it

oblivion: the state of being disregarded or forgotten

ogle: stare or look at, especially with amorous intentions

ostentatious: intended to attract notice and impress others

ostracize: expel from a community or group

panacea: hypothetical remedy for all ills or diseases

paradox: a statement that contradicts itself

peevish: easily irritated or annoyed

perfunctory: hasty and without attention to detail; not thorough

philistine: a person who is uninterested in intellectual pursuits

picayune: small and of little importance

precocious: characterized by exceptionally early development

propriety: correct behavior

previse: to foresee

quid pro quo: something given in exchange for something else

quintessential: representing the perfect example of a class or quality

red herring: something intended to distract attention from the main issue

revel: take delight in

rhetoric: study of the technique for using language effectively

scintillating: having brief brilliant points or flashes of light

spartan: unsparing and uncompromising in discipline or judgment

stigma: a symbol of disgrace or infamy

stoic: seeming unaffected by pleasure or pain; impassive

suave: having a sophisticated charm

supercilious: having or showing arrogant superiority

teetotaler: someone who abstains from drinking alcoholic beverages

tete-a-tete: a private conversation between two people

tirade: a speech of violent denunciation

tryst: a secret rendezvous, especially a romantic one

ubiquitous: being present everywhere at once

unrequited: not returned in kind

untenable: incapable of being defended or justified

verbose: using or containing too many words

vicarious: experienced at second hand

vile: morally reprehensible

waft: a long flag; often tapering

zealous: marked by active interest and enthusiasm

zeitgeist: the spirit of the time

have a great day/night!!

remember you're loved and remember to drink water. see you next time! (turn on post notifications so you don't miss any of my posts!)

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰ ───

➳ answer the qotd!

➳ please don't repost without credit!

➳ save and share to boost this post!

｡･:*˚:✧｡ love, laurel

[canonicallyanxious]

hi! saw your last anon and sorry if this is annoying, but just wanted to ask u a question. i don’t know anything about d20 (assuming it’s like a d&d game) but i did watch all the free game changer episodes on yt and i’m lowkey obsessed and want more. is d20 the same kind of vibe, assuming it’s the same people? for someone who isn’t and has never played d&d would you reccommend starting d20? i kinda don’t want to pay for dropout, so maybe i’ll start with that :) have a nice day!

not an annoying question don't worry!! in fact i feel like i have to apologize in turn because i already know i'm going to be incapable of being normal about answering this question lol but me being verbose as hell on main, what else is new, etc. etc.

Re: whether d20 has a similar vibe to game changer -

so i'd say you're right in that d20 involves many of the people that are featured on game changer since they're both produced by collegehumor/dropout. as you might know Brennan Lee Mulligan who appears pretty often on game changer is the main DM for d20, and since d20 is an anthology show the casts rotate out every season but one of the most frequently recurring casts incudes Zac Oyama, Ally Beardsley, and Lou Wilson who are also pretty frequent guests of game changer [the others were also involved with Collegehumor at some point, can't remember if they've been on gc tho]. collegehumor folks sometimes appear in other seasons as well - for example rekha shenkar and lily du have been in multiple d20 seasons, jess ross and mike trapp have also featured, and there's even one season that's oops all collegehumor folks called Mice and Murder which is basically holmesian style turn of the century murder mystery but everyone is an anthropomorphized animal [dropout exclusive but the first ep is on the d20 yt channel]. so if you vibe with the humor and the personalities of the people who feature a lot on game changer, it's likely you will vibe with the humor and tone of d20 too!

that said, given that game changer is styled after a traditional competitive game show and d20 is an actual play show where people play tabletop rpgs together they are very different in the sense of genre. d20, while largely improvised [which believe me is a fact that will probably be hard to believe when watching it but is entirely true], is very much a collaborative storytelling effort between the people involved and makes very concerted efforts to present a tight and cohesive narrative through their seasons. so d20 is great if you like fictional narratives and fun and colorful characters, but if you want more traditionally unscripted content like gamechanger i recommend checking out:

dirty laundry [which is actually a spin-off of a gamechanger episode; hosted by Lily Du, first ep available on the CH yt channel]

make some noise [unfortunately i think right now all the make some noise eps are also dropout exclusive, here i have linked to the trailer, but it is another spinoff based on this honestly iconic game changer ep wherein Josh Ruben, Brennan Lee Mulligan, and Zac Oyama make weird sounds at each other and it's the funniest thing in the world]

Um, Actually [nerdy trivia game show hosted by Mike Trapp]

Rank Room [fyi it's an older show and they don't make it anymore but i still think it's a fun watch; hosted by Katie Marovich]

[do u see what i mean. i thought this first question would be a short answer skdfjnsdkjfnsdns so uh deep apologies for what will come after this bc i have THOUGHTS about your second question]

Re: would i recommend d20 for someone who has no experience with d&d -

short answer: yes absolutely 100%.

long answer: why do i so enthusiastically recommend d20 for people who have never played dnd? because i am a people who has never played dnd and d20 is one of my favorite shows ever! tbh i do think i am kind of biased as d20 is really the only actual play show i've ever been able to get into and i'm sure there are plenty of other shows out there that work for other people [if you're a podcast person for example you have tons of good options, i however am Not] but there are a number of reasons why I personally enjoy d20 as an actual play show:

I often struggle with other actual play shows because of how long and meandering they are. I think this is more of a personal preference thing because even when reading/watching more traditional forms of media i always tend to prefer tighter narratives with a clear ending in mind [e.g a 3 season show with a good finale is more compelling to me than an ongoing 10 season show with no ending in sight] but because d20 is an anthology show and each season is more or less a self-contained story aside from the few sequels i find it much easier to keep my attention on the episodes. to be sure the eps are still quite long, most ranging from 1.5-2 hours, but brennan + the other dms they feature on d20 do a really good job of keeping the pace moving while still giving the players freedom to explore the world and make their own narrative choices [which i think is one big appeal actual play shows has over other forms of media, the improvised and collaborative nature of the storytelling versus something that's already been fully scripted beforehand].

another thing i struggle with is how cumbersome dnd combat can be, personally i don't think it's the most accessible especially for people who have no ttrpg experience but d20's combat actually works pretty well for me because 1. they plan their combats before the season starts and especially in the earlier seasons of d20 they stuck pretty strictly to alternating between roleplay versus combat episodes so it's easier for me when i know kind of what to expect and 2. because they plan their combats in advance they are able to build INCREDIBLE custom battle sets with custom minis [shout out to Rick Perry!] and for me the visuals really help me keep my attention on the combat versus when combat is more theater of the mind [which to be clear does sometimes still happen in d20]. Tbh i still think combat can be a little clunky especially in the earlier seasons of d20 but i think the show has always gone to a lot of effort to create really creative and engaging combats for both the players and the audience and as it's gone on they've only gotten better at achieving this

in that vein i think the fact that d20 is 1. entirely filmed and 2. edited very well is VERY helpful for someone like me who has traditionally struggled with podcasts because the lack of visual context makes it hard to stay focused. as far as the editing goes i know some people prefer more of a livestream feel but just for me personally having the editing and the different camera angles and the sound cues and the music [d20 is really good at picking royalty free music for their soundtracks btw may i just say] gives me something more concrete to focus on and keeps it more visually interesting. and i do feel that they still make an effort to preserve the more natural/organic feel of ttrpgs by limiting their cuts story wise and focusing a lot on player reactions in the moment so for me it kind of hits the best of both worlds!

personally i think the choice for d20 to cast a lot of talented improv comedians is fucking inspired, especially when the show is so comedy-oriented. improv comedians are good at making bold choices on their feet, crafting rich characters while improvising their dialogue on the spot, and collaborating with each other, which are all skills that are very helpful for an actual play show context and everyone they cast on d20 is SO talented at all of these things. there are some players on d20 who also have little to no experience with dnd [notably Ally Beardsley has only ever officially played dnd on camera for d20; Rekha Shenkar and Mike Trapp in Escape From the Bloodkeep were also very new to dnd at the time] which on the one hand i think helps audience members like me who are inexperienced with dnd knowing some of the players are in the same boat but also they tend to make some of the wildest most out of the box choices as a result of being new to the game. so i think ultimately it's just a really fun combination and it's so much fun to watch in action!

and just a few more reasons why I consider d20 a favorite in a more general sense:

I mean Brennan Lee Mulligan as d20's main DM is a HUGE draw of d20 in my opinion. like if you were already a fan of him from game changer or other college humor content i think you will especially appreciate him in d20 because he is absolutely in his element here. actually last year i made a ppt for my friends about why i like d20 so much so here is a relevant excerpt:

i want to emphasize that d20 is a comedy-oriented show so tonally comedy is what it will prioritize. however i also want to emphasize that this does not mean it pulls any punches with the emotional depths it's able to reach. the themes and the worlds and the characters are SO rich and complex and compelling and I think i have experienced basically every human emotion and then some while watching this show. i also think it's incredibly character driven and does an amazing job of prioritizing character and relationship development and player agency, which is one of my favorite things to see in any kind of show!

and conceptually i just think it's so much fucking fun! it being an anthology show means there is something in here for everyone but i have enjoyed every season i have watched immensely [which is all of them except for one!] and have found it remarkably easy to become invested in every single one. you want to know what it would be like if dnd took place in a john hughes style teenage coming of age movie? or what if lord of the rings was about the bad guys but also it’s a workplace comedy? or how about an urban fantasy story set in modern day new york with a secret sixth borough hidden away in the world of dreams? you can have it all and more from d20! and this is just the seasons that are available on yt for FREE there are so many other cool and fun stories and worlds and dms to engage with!!!

tl;dr it's a good show and i like it very very much thank you for coming to my ted talk

[dangermousie]

Last post on this topic. Probably

At this point the horse isn’t just dead, I am flaying the hide! But I grew up on lengthy Russian novels and hence verbosity is something I cannot contain.

I keep trying to articulate why I feel so strongly about He Yu - and I mean He Yu as an overall person as opposed to He Yu’s bad actions. (I can like a person and dislike their actions or like their actions and dislike the person.)

I think what I am getting stuck on is I see two paths forward and they both drive me nuts for the same reason. Path 1: in the future, He Yu discovers that XQC had a noble reason for saying what he said/doing what he did and therefore will feel bad because his bad behavior hurt someone who did not deserve it because he was a good person. Path 2 (which can be either separate or complimentary with Path 1): In the future, He Yu discovers he loves XQC and therefore will feel bad because his bad behavior hurt someone who did not deserve it because he loves him.

And that is what I think drives me so insane and makes me so irritated at him - in both these scenarios, He Yu would feel bad because XQC moved from deserving to undeserving bucket and He Yu acted as if XQC was in one group when he was actually in the other. In neither of them does He Yu realize something utterly basic which is that NOBODY should be in the deserving of rape bucket under any set of possible story facts - it’s one of those - “even if everything you believed was factually correct - both about XQC’s actions and personality and your own lack of feelings, your actions were still inexcusable” things.) Even if He Yu does not fall for XQC, even if XQC was a person who paid lip service to doctoral values but ran at the first sign of trouble and was hypocritical and selfish, what He Yu did was still horrific and it is become clear that He Yu is literally incapable of realizing this and that is what is making me lose my mind in an uncool fashion.

Now, now, this may make me a hypocrite - I am a huge fan of Wu Chang Jie and its set-up is precisely feral amoral inhuman nuclear bomb chained by sane good one. It’s pretty clear that even at the end, Fan Wushe has no morality and cares zero for humanity. It’s also clear that no, he does not think rape or murder or any other bad thing is bad per se - he feels remorse for his bad behavior towards Xie Bian because he was wrong about his facts and because he loves him. He has no concept of abstract morality. But here is where xianxia distance comes into play. It’s such a fantastical environment that it all feels unreal. Here, I can’t distance myself because it’s modern and so feels real and so I can’t as easily put my moral judgment away and it seems so much more immediate. But also, while I did read WCJ as it was being published, by the time I got into it, it was hundreds of chapters in. I think binging and so consuming all the rage-inducing parts at once and getting past them quickly and not having time to dwell also helps, as does different narrative structure (about which I talked at length.)    

Anyway, I don’t even know where I am going with it. It’s so unusual for me to keep reading a novel with a protagonist who I find deeply unsympathetic but where I find the novel itself super good that my brain keeps running around like a hamster in a cage. I do think binging would have def helped - I would have sped past all the rage parts in a few hours as opposed to dragging them out for days and then would have either been OK with how it resolved or not, but there wouldn’t have been the dwelling on it part.

[an-asuryampasya]

languages, man.

So I technically speak a non-English language that is more flexible in its sentence structure (if that's what it's called?) than English. And what I've long noticed is that that creeps into how I speak English?

As in, I often find that English's word order is not aligned with how I intuitively think. Since I tend to speak while thinking as opposed after thinking, it becomes annoying. I need to stop, go back, and start my sentence all over again to be grammatically correct in English. So what I end up doing instead is to like, use connecting words from the other language, apply the rules of joining clauses from that language, but continue speaking English?

Example:

I'm thinking about a scene. I realise in it, character A looked at character B. This is what I want to say, and that's the order in which I had those thoughts. So in English I want to go: "That scene | A looked at B" based on how I thought. But in order to make any sense, I'm supposed to say "In that scene, A looked at B". Or "A looked at B in that scene." Either way I need to stop and restart my sentence after already saying "in that scene". This is fine for short sentences. However, as this post makes obvious, I am physically incapable of not being unnecessarily verbose. So keeping track of what comes where in the grammatical order becomes a pain.

What do I end up doing? Apply the flexible word order of other languages to English.

The literal translation of this sentence into what's grammatically allowed in my other language could be either: "[A looks at B] [that scene] [in]" and "[that scene] [in] [A looks at B]"

So what I actually say in English: "That scene [non-English word for 'in'] A looks at B!"

Now I know this is incorrect and stuff, but since for most of my life I've lived in a place where the basics of the other language are pretty much common knowledge, I could always get away with this and people understood me. And it was usually just for connecting words like 'as in', 'in', 'meaning', etc. - words that I needed to connect clauses when I thought of them in the wrong order. Eventually I even stopped noticing when I did this (and then I went to uni elsewhere in country where suddenly I was making much less sense).

But like, this is interesting to me because it's not just "word for this thing in other language". I started applying rules from that language to make my English sentence work.

I was going to end this post asking if that was a common experience and if there was a term for it but nvm. I went looking and I think what I've been engaging in garden variety code switching after all? Or I think a combination of two kinds of code switching. I used to think code switching was limited to like, words and not rules being borrowed, but I stand corrected.

[caustic-light]

You're trying to implement a big vocabulary in all of your posts, is eloquence a huge part of your (real life) job or is it just a habit of yours?

I’m actually trying to avoid that because I find it leads to a discourse climate where having and expressing opinions is gate kept by a huge intellectual barrier of entry which then leads to a couple people at the top dominating the discussion by being very verbose and eloquent and a lot of less secure or less eloquent people following along and being dazzled by vocabulary instead of fully understanding what the person is actually saying.

However I have adhd and as such I am physically incapable of writing sentences that don’t take up half a page and I am also a writer so I take pleasure in constructing sentences in ways that I personally find pleasing. But I’m trying to make myself easy to understand and as simple to read as I can get away with, even if I frequently fail at that.

[sinnhelmingr]

There’s something so strange about it, being watched by a reflection. Yet she doesn’t betray the unease that builds in her stomach at such a thorough examination, can’t blame her audience for the curiosity that brings this child to lean in closer to the dark vanity. She knows no better, knows nothing of what being the center of attention does to Hel. Dark brows knit together, and the girl sucks in a breath, setting her mother bracing for impact.

“Mama,” Runa begins, shifting against her lap, “How come you put on glamours?”

“Why not?” she answers in kind, dropping the pendant around her own slender neck. After so long, she hardly needs to monitor the runes for efficiency. Their magic surges tenderly along her skin, turning rot to false beauty. All told, she’s rather more concerned with what makes her daughter so fascinated by the work.

“Papa doesn’t like them,” her daughter admits. I know, Hel longs to drawl, but fears her dry amusement will be taken for something with a bite. “He won’t let Nuala wear them.”

Slender fingers card through wild curls, a now perfect chin kissing the crown of Runa’s head. The pallid girl settles easily into the affection, smiling contentedly at the reflection of the embrace. She can’t say how badly she needs these moments, these assurances that her baby is still such, that she is still happy to be here with her, wherever here might be.

“I don’t do this for your father.”

Runa looks just like him, when she’s puzzled. The same twist of the mouth, the wrinkled set of the brow, eyes narrowing in a way she’s seen too many times to count, Hel cannot deny her daughter is a product of her mate’s blood more than her own. She spares the girl the suspense, resting a hand against the infant’s shoulder.

“I do this because I like to, from time to time. It’s something I enjoy, and no one can tell me not to.” She looks away from the mirror, staring down at her girl with a soft smile. “Like when you wear your rain boots indoors, because it makes you happy.”

The gears are turning. She knows they are, that her daughter is cleverer by far than her father, that she actually thinks about things. Her confidence is confirmed when the girl lilts her head to look up at her, black eyes meeting green.

“It makes you happy?”

“Very much, my love. It’s like putting on my favorite dress, or my rings.” Saying so, she plucks a silver   offering from her jewelry box, sliding it neatly into place against a glamoured knuckle. “It’s another way I get to… Express myself.”

She reaches for another ring, smaller than the one now sitting on her middle finger, and coaxes her daughter’s hand up. With care, she pushes the golden band down a bone-white thumb, letting the girl marvel at it for a few moments.  She twists her hand to and fro, watching the torchlight catch the jewels and set them sparkling against the mirror.

“How come Papa doesn’t like them?”

Because try as he might, your father is still a man, and men are full of flaws. No, that’s not it. Because your father is a control freak. That’s not a conversation he’s ready to have, should his daughter go repeating the fact tonight. Sighing quietly, Hel racks her brain for a proper answer.

“I don’t think your Papa understands it himself, really. He thinks it’s a trick of some sort.” She raises a brow. “Do you think I’m tricking you, when I put on my jewelry or a nicer dress than usual?”

That tiny head sways from side to side, though her attention never drifts from the treasure on her finger. Hel stills her, gathering the raven coils into her grasp loosely. “How about if you did your hair differently? Would that change anything about you?”

“Unh-unh.”

Such a verbose answer. Her tutor must be so proud of his students conversational skills. Hel chuckles, placing ah and over her daughters in a vain attempt to draw her back into the discussion at hand.

“Then I guess it’s just that he doesn’t get it.”

“Papa’s old, though.”

Runa punctuates the second word with such force that Hel can’t help laughing, properly this time.

“But he doesn’t know everything, love. Only Uncle Destiny does. Your papa can’t make sense of glamours, so he doesn’t like them.”

“Uncle Destiny likes glamours?”

That’s certainly one way to interpret her statement. Hel shrugs her shoulders, contemplating how best to lead Runa back to the deeper subject at hand.

“I don’t know. Ask him next time you see him.”

A huff.

“He never comes and visits, though. I’ve never even seen him, Mama! What’s he like?”

A taloned finger taps against her chin, expression turning thoughtful.

“He’s smaller than you are and smells of wet dog.”

Runa gasps, turning to look back at her mother.

“Does not!”

“Ah, my mistake, Princess. I haven’t seen him in so long. I must be confusing him with someone else.”

Somewhere, blind eyes have read the exchange, and she’s sure they are rolling. Still, it’s drawn her daughter’s attention back to her. Hel holds her gaze, voice becoming all the more serious.

“When I do this, I don’t do it for you father, Runa. I don’t do it for anyone in the entire world but myself. The way I look, what I present myself as, it’s only for me. Remember that, little bird. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, so long as I like who I am, what I am.” She takes the girl’s face in her hands, tender. “It’s just the same for you – for anyone. Don’t ever let another person tell you what to do with yourself. This body is yours. You can do with it what you like, and no one else can stop you. No one should.”

Her daughter is a good girl, and smarter than her father. There’s a thread of empathy in the child that amazes Hel sometimes, especially having seen so much of Dream in her. She’ll understand – if not today, then in the future. Other perspectives come so easily to her, after all.

“Does that...” Runa hesitates, twirling the ring around her finger anxiously. “Does that mean Papa’s bad, making Nuala not wear glamours?”

She’s getting it after all, even if it distresses her. Hel understands, really, pressing a kiss to the girl’s forehead. She was just the same at that age, putting her father on pedestals the Trickster could not possibly reach on his own. If there’s one creature in all of creation that believes in her mate, believes him incapable of mistake or harm, it’s the one curled into her lap.

“That’s for you to decide, Runa. I think, if it upsets you, you could try talking about it with him.”

It’s not the assurance the child so clearly seeks. Still, it’s not Hel’s place to absolve him for one of many flaws. “For whatever it’s worth, I think there’s a difference between a bad person and an ignorant one.” That familiar expression returns, leaving her mother abashed to realized the accusation might include a word Runa has yet to be acquainted with. Woe betide her, if the words get back around to her partner that he’s seen as ignorant.

Before it can settle into the forefront of the child’s mind, Hel reaches to the other side of the vanity, plucking up a soft brush and tracing her daughter’s profile with it. A giggle rings out at the sensation, and Hel relaxes into a successful distraction.

“Now let me up. I might not have any glamours for you, but I think some cosmetics might help you understand a little better, if you want them.”

[thelivebookproject]

Talking Books With @thereadingchallengechallenge!

[What is this and how can I participate?]

Hello again!

Today we talk with the queen extraordinaire of #LoveOZYA. Get ready, because this is a long interview: we discuss books she likes, accurate portrayals of disability, and reading under the radar.

Important note: I haven’t changed or edited any of the answers. I’ve only formatted the book titles so they were clearer, but nothing else. Because I’m incapable of shutting up, my comments are between brackets and in italics, so you can distinguish them clearly.

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[Image description: a square titled “Know the blogger”. Name & pronouns: Em, she/her; country: Australia; three adjectives to describe her: easy-going, verbose & curious /end of description]

1. What was the last reading challenge/bingo/readathon/etc you took part in?

Oh dear, I don't remember! I think it might've been the "Booklr Reads Australian" event I ran in 2019? I'm very much a mood reader so I find it difficult to stick to specific reading challenges. But I set my own little challenges for myself each year :)

2. Last book that made you laugh?

I've been listening to the audiobook of Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones before bed and I keep having to bury my face in my blankets so I don't laugh and wake anyone up 🤣 Howl is the walking disaster I'm looking for and I am thoroughly enjoying reacquainting myself with him and Sophie's antics.

[Everyone says they laughed with this book and I don’t remember laughing when I read it???? Like, it was fun, but not laughing-out-loud fun. Am I broken?]

3. Do you read graphic novels?

I try. I have my favourites - Heartstopper by Alice Oseman 😍 - but I'm visually impaired so if the font in the dialogue and text is too small, I literally can't read it. This has meant I've missed out on iconic stories like Nimona by Noelle Stevenson. I've tried to think of a way to bring attention to this issue but I haven't come up with anything yet. 

[Oooof that’s hard, I’m sorry. I don’t really read graphic novels because I’m not usually interested, but not being able to read them because you can’t... Perhaps having transcriptions of the dialogue in a bigger font would help?]

4. What are some books related to a topic you care about?

My ultimate passion when it comes to books is finding accurate representations of disability. With roughly 1 in 5 people around the world having some kind of disability but only around 2% of media including disabled characters, there's a major issue with this. Especially when you consider the fact that a significant amount of disability representation is inaccurate at best and actively harmful at worst. Finding good disability rep has been an enlightening experience during my blogging journey and I've found some great books that represent disability authentically and sensitively. 

On the Edge of Gone by Corinne Duyvis - a stunning sci-fi novel about an autistic girl in Amsterdam trying to make it to safety when a meteor endangers life on Earth. Corinne Duyvis is autistic herself and is also the creator of the #OwnVoices hashtag which is now used across the publishing industry.

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera - I love a sad story and Adam Silvera writes them like no one else. I loved this story about a boy grieving his first boyfriend while trying to cope with OCD. Silvera writes about mental illness a lot, always with care and respect, and writes beautiful queer romances alongside it.

RUN by Kody Keplinger - I loved this book about two best friends, one of them visually impaired, running away from home to try and seek their fortunes away from their controlling families and tight-knit community. Disabled (and queer) herself, Kody Keplinger is a fantastic author who writes some of the most realistic teenagers I've ever come across. She writes about heavy topics like sex and abuse with such care and realism without it ever feeling sensationalised or over the top. I'd recommend any of her books but this has been my favourite so far.

Everything I've Never Said by Samantha Wheeler - A short, Australian novel, this follows 12-year-old Ava who is living with Rett Syndrome and desperate to find a way to communicate with her loving family. I found this book incredibly emotional to read because of how well Wheeler explained the difficulties disabled people (and their families) face while trying to seek even the most basic of aides and assistance. She didn't pull her punches in showing the ableism and abuse Ava faced in the community, from her doctors, from support workers, while also showing how empowering it is to connect with other disabled people and feel pride in that identity. 

Unbroken: 13 Stories Starring Disabled Teens - edited by Marieke Nijkamp, a disabled writer I love to pieces, this YA anthology features a broad range of disabilities in characters whose identities range right across the board. If you want to learn a little about a lot of different disabilities, from authors who share those disabilities, this is a great book to pick up because it beautifully illustrates how disability intersects with other kinds of identities as well.

If you're looking for other books featuring disabled characters, check out Disability in Kidlit for in-depth #OwnVoices reviews or my "Disabled Characters" shelf on Goodreads. 

5. Who do you share your passion or your reads with?

Mostly booklr. When I hang out with friends - remember doing that? - we usually catch up on what we've been reading or we visit a bookshop and I spit recommendations left, right and centre, but for the most part, I just share my reviews on tumblr and Goodreads. Which I enjoy - I love knowing that someone's gonna see my review and get a different perspective on the book than the blurb or how the publisher has marketed it. 

I learned early on running my blog that books so often only tickle our fancy because of their blurb but when a blurb completely contradicts the actual story - like, say, The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater - we can miss out on books that we'd really love. So when I write reviews, I always try to present my reads a little differently than the official blurb has in the hopes that maybe someone will give that book another chance. 

[I should write blurbs too, but I’m too lazy. I usually just copy the blurb off Goodreads when I review, and then just explain myself what’s going on if I think there’s something missing]

Free space to say/add/recommend anything!

In my search for accurate representations of disability, I have also discovered loads and loads of authors who fly under the radar around here. I love boosting these quiet voices of YA but I thought I'd share a few tips to help other people find these lesser-known books on their own.

Look for authors who aren't from America: I know, I know - the market is saturated by Americans, but it isn't too hard to find lists of books and authors from other countries if you know where to search. If you aren't already acquainted with Goodreads' lists feature, go check it out under their "Browse" tab. Search "UK YA" for books from Britain, search "#LoveOzYA" for books from Australia (and sometimes New Zealand). There are usually yearly lists and if not, there are definitely lists of popular books from other countries. It can be hard to buy these books from overseas but request them from your library, order them through your local independent bookstore - they are always happy to help you find books off the beaten path. 

[Good moment to say that you should also read translations!!!! Not everything in this world is written in English, and there are very good books out there you all are missing out on because you don’t branch out!]

Use Goodreads "Readers also enjoyed" feature - carefully: If you use Goodreads on desktop, you've probably noticed the little slideshow in the top right corner of a book's info page with a stream of similar books. But did you know that it tends to group books from the same country together? If the book's American, it shows other American books. If it's Australian, it only suggests other Australian books. An excellent example of technological bias for anyone taking media courses but not too helpful for us bookworms searching for an obscure new read. The easiest way around this is to find one book from a different place and then just scroll through the other books, seeing what strikes your fancy. Go down the recommendations rabbit hole and see what magical land you end up in.

Look at the end of Goodreads lists, not the start: Back to those lists, you'll notice that they're sorted by votes, with all Goodreads members allowed to add books and vote for the ones they love or care about. So, naturally, the most popular books end up at the top - this is most evident looking at the "YA Releases by Month" lists. But if you go to the end of the list and work backwards, you're sure to find some interesting novels that only a few people have heard about before. 

Sort your TBR by number of ratings: We've all done that thing where we hear about a book, add it to our TBR, and then promptly forget about it. Use this infinite bookworm problem to your advantage and sort your TBR by the number of ratings a book has, using the bold column titles on your shelf page. You may have to add the function by visiting your Want to Read shelf and selecting Settings > Visible Columns > activate "Num Ratings" > Save Current Settings.

Book shopping? Check the Bargain section: A lot of my early unknown YA discoveries came from looking in the bargain sections of websites and bookstores. Often cheaper, because the bookseller is trying to clear space, it can be really interesting to see what books you find in these sections of stores. You don't always have a lot to choose from but you can often be pleasantly surprised by what you'll find and you're almost guaranteed to come across authors you've never heard of before.

[This is actually a super neat trick, I’ll definitely try it next time!]

All sound a little overwhelming? No worries! I have several lists of "under the radar" recommendations available on my blog if you just want to pick out a few titles to get you pointed in the right direction 😊

You can follow her at @thereadingchallengechallenge and on Goodreads.

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Thank you, Em! This gave us lots of food for thought and your links are super handy.

Next interview: Wednesday, 23rd of September

[cupiscent]

OKAY YOU WANTED MORE THOUGHTS: So yes, like you said, Ives and Neil give each other SO MUCH SHIT, they're 'mean' to each other, but would absolutely kill for the other. That one time some rookie agent makes a comment about Neil being too unprofessional and preoccupied with The Protagonist to be good at his job, Ives absolutely verbally destroys him. Everyone is just looking at him like O . O, Neil included, but Ives has no time for people talking shit about his friends. Wheeler just smiles.

Also sth shifts between them (into a genuine loving friendship that is still ofc masked by ruthless teasing) after one mission goes spectacularly wrong. They are hiding somewhere from like 12 thugs, Ives was shot, cannot move around well so he tells Neil to leave him there and save himself, Neil looks at him like he's crazy, goes "I'm not fucking leaving you" proceeds to take on all the thugs by himself and afterwards sinks onto the ground next to Ives bruised and with a bullet graze with "fuck"

🤩 Nonny, you’re great. I’m so overflowing with delight about this I’m going to get waaaaay verbose here so let’s just cut to save everyone’s feed...

Let me flail wildly about "zones of competence", and how I think Neil and Ives have wildly differing sets, that give them both fodder for shit-talking AND outrageous respect for each other.

Because Ives reads very much to me like straight-up SAS - special ops, but military all the way. He seems so jaded, but Tenet is a relief because the superiors are actually not fucking stupid and honestly time-travel is not that perplexing compared to some bullshit operation plans he's been involved with. Ives is the cavalry; he's the one you turn to when the time for subtlety is over and we're coming in hot.

But to me, Neil is all about the subtlety. He's lateral thinking, lockpicking, guns with silencers, clandestine, disappearing into the night. I feel like we can see this even in the final mission--sure, he's there, he's in the squad, he can do this (thanks to Ives' not-so-gentle training perhaps) but he's constantly looking around, seeing things, putting bits together, stepping sideways from his strict mission parameters because thinking outside the box IS his box. (I favour a criminal/unofficial background for him because he just seems so creative and flexible about getting-it-done, but I'm also easy with the idea that he's just always been Like That and not even MI6 could force him to colour between the lines.)

So I love the idea of an Ives&Neil friendship that is built on a wild mutual respect for each others' skillsets as "you are not like me, but you are fantastic at what you do; I could not do that but I value it". But that absolutely does not stop Ives from pointing at the locked door and saying, "Go twiddle with it, pixie-fingers," and Neil snarking back, "What, not going to blow it up, Rambo?"

But YES, if anyone else starts in with attitude about Ives being a hammer and not understanding any other options, Neil will get blistering about how some people apparently are incapable of recognising competence, and likewise if anyone suggests Neil is not up to the job, Ives will smack them on the nose with a verbal rolled-up newspaper.

(YES, Wheeler smiles about it. And possibly also makes quiet jokes about them braiding each others' hair. Ives points out that he doesn't have hair long enough to braid. She says Neil can braid his beard.)

My bottom line here is that--given ALL OF THAT--I am so smitten by the idea of Neil saving Ives through application of Ives' skillset (in his own uniquely Neil way). He can save Ives because Ives taught him how and I am extremely 😍.

I also think this needs the reverse happening sometime, Neil stuck locked in a tiny room somewhere, fucking despairing because who's going to find him, let alone get him out, and then there's a scrape at the lock, and the door swings open, and it's IVES and Neil just stares and Ives is all, "What, like it's hard?"

[vampiresuns]

Anatole and ADHD

A pick up from his intro post.

While he didn’t get a diagnosis too late in life, he’s always been more on the side of “well, this is how I function” about it. His is a moderate case, but it’s still there and has shaped both his personality (how he sometimes can be overachieving or over competent, for example) and his experience as a person.

Think of it like a Bermuda triangle of ADHD. His parents, out of bona fide and wanting to do right by their child, decided to try things by asking knowledgeable colleagues, because if that is the way he functions, then they might as well try it. Again, out of bona fide, they didn’t register this could be the case, mostly because while Anatole doesn’t always consider himself specially intelligent, he actually is, and did not abide by the stereotype of “people with ADHD do poorly, academically speaking.”

Which is something that often happens because of how, in our world, education is structured, but not a default. It has less to do with us, and more to do with education systems and capitalism.

Eventually, when he got older (late teens), the cues for potential ADHD turned into proper manifestation of ADHD, and the negative externalities it can carry, as he began to take bigger and bigger tasks, he began burning out, finding it hard to start things or create habits, so he was no longer able to sustain himself by “brain power” alone. Tasks that required his attention for long periods of time just became more and more overwhelming.

His mother was talking about it to one of her doctor colleagues, speaking how her, Anatole and Vlad always had this system because he just “works that way”, but he has been taking up more things lately and he’s getting “the fuzzies” (as Anatole himself described it). Someone simply went “Louisa, are you SURE your kid doesn’t have ADHD?” which made all of them start considering it.

A lot of the signs had always been there, like getting verbose about particular things, or when he’s nervous, leaping to conclusions, his attention wandering like a pinball game because he has too much of it, leaving things unfinished because he forgot, specially if it’s something which doesn’t interest him. Or things like avoiding tasks or topics he didn’t find interesting (interest driven behaviour), “getting stuck in the tunnel”, which is how Anatole describes being so into something he will literally not stop his rabbit hole until he’s exhausted himself, or struggling with emotional dysregulation as he was growing up, because he didn’t have the tools to handle it.

Lo and behold, he has ADHD.

Since his parents just made sure he learnt how to handle burn out so he didn’t get frustrated bc he was too ambitious, and helped him create organisation methods and back up plans for when habit forming just did not happen, learning to co-exist, or rather, realising he exists with it, was frustrating but something he already had a good basis for, and he picked up from there.

Him having an encouraging environment in his family is key to him. Him being ‘odd’ in his many ways was comfortable around them because if everyone is odd, then no one is odd. Anatole’s discouraging obstacles do not come from his family, even if it’s not perfect, because no family is. They have usually come with the world and his process of figuring out his place in it. 

This exaplains many of his behaviours, such as: 

It’s not unlikely to see him walk in circles for half an hour incapable of doing organisation bc he was too tired to beat the ADHD hours.

Ignoring things he isn’t automatically good at, often having to stop, and then come back to the task at hand.

Getting frustrated with skills he hasn’t consistently practised in an encouraging environment.

“I am not trained for it and I refuse to because I personally do not care”

However you put him in front of political history and he WILL LEARN, he will MASTER IT.

“The abyss of my brain waving back at me will swallow what you just told me, never to be seen again. It’s really not something personal.”

If you interrupt or sidetrack him, he will Hate it. He will seriously hate it, please do not interrupt him. Please do not cut him off when he’s speaking or half of his string of though will be thrown into the black box of his brain never to be seen again, and he doesn’t know if his forgiveness extends to such a thing.

Needing a bit of alone time/time to decompress because he’s overwhelmed. It is best to leave him to it.

He’s quiet, rather than loud, but he is hardly still, mentally and physically. He’s always jumping from one topic to another, and digging and digging and digging.

He talks to himself as he does things.

Can he read and follow instructions? Yes. Does he like it? He hates it, with every fibre of his soul.

He either bounces his leg, fidgets with pencils or pens (once began doing it with an regular quill and he splashed ink everywhere. You can bet half your liver he absolutely did it again), and dances. He dances to no music when he waits, when he’s actually listening to music, when he does the dishes, when he does any chore.

All of this said, this is also one of the reasons why he resents being underestimated, specially if you do so because you caught him riding an ADHD wave of any kind. IRL, people who are too infantilising, or plainly calling him stupid? Not his favourite people. He doesn’t need everyone to know he’s actually smart, but he doesn’t like condescending, unkind, mean people who simply abuse a position they have by mere accident of chance. He doesn’t consider himself liable if he bites your ankles for it.

Whenever he has the inattention going on, and he has a language burn out, either no language he speaks comes out to play and he just doesn’t want to talk (it frustrates him), or he thinks in too many, and he would like ALL OF THEM to shut up at once. He didn’t allow this — but he’s also constantly re-learning to accept his brain sometimes does things he doesn’t allow, and he does just fine anyway.