#[which is also why a single post can take me several hours to write]

[helldustedstories]

Dear anyone who writes with me,

You do not have to match my length when I lose my mind and write ridiculous amounts of text because I am incapable of being concise when I'm having feelings.

Sincerely,

A very verbose idiot who is grateful you put up with them and their shenanigans.

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[sitp-recs]

Hey do you have any Drarry fic recs which basically have Draco completely changing in 8th year/after the war, like he's dyed his hair and has tattoos and just has become more friendly and changed and Harry basically loses his mind? Kinda tired of the grovelling Draco or animosity fics atp.. Thanks :)

Hi anon! Omg yes, love me confused Harry losing his mind over a changed, hotter and confident Draco. This trope always delivers even when Draco doesn’t go through major physical changes (I love it when he gets extra though 🤌🏼). I have a few recs but they’re all post-Hogwarts, I hope they still work for you!

Enjoy the Silence by @shealwaysreads (M, 3.4k)

Draco stops speaking, gets some tattoos, and discovers that Harry’s happy to be quiet with him.

Under Your Skin by p1013 (E, 4k)

He initials another section and flips the page. Being a junior Auror is a lot more grunt work than he expected, and the paperwork isn't even the worst of it. He's also managed to catch intake duty. It's getting close to 2 AM, there hasn't been a single arrest brought in tonight, and he's still got another six hours before his shift is over. Rubbing a hand over his face, he prays for something, anything, to make the interminable evening better.

The Study of Change by p1013 (M, 4.3k)

Harry's going to hell. He's going to hell immediately. Even with all of the good he's done in his life, he's never going to overcome the impure thoughts racing through his head at the sight of Draco Malfoy looking like an academic wet dream in a room full of barely legal adults.

Starstruck by phrynne (E, 4.5k)

Yeah, Malfoy has pink hair. Or sort of. Half of his hair is shaved short and dyed an aggressive pink. The other half is still white-blond, a strand falling over his right eye, only the left side of his face visible at all times. He turns it slightly and spots me beyond the moving bodies. He doesn’t stop dancing, a smile plays on his lips. This time I don’t look away like I used to when all this began.

Sex on Legs in Six-Inch Heels by @tessacrowley (E, 9.6k)

Draco Malfoy is a brilliant freelance cursebreaker and the only one who can help the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with a very dangerous case, but more importantly, he's wearing six-inch heels, and Harry cannot handle it, he really just can't.

Dream by the Fire by GallifreyisBurning (M, 11k)

When Draco Malfoy resurfaces in England after eight years abroad—tattooed, pierced, and wanting to take over a corner of Harry's coffee shop to work on a writing project—Harry can't help but be intrigued. Where has he been? What is he working on? Why here? And why does he have to look so stupidly hot with all those tattoos?

Cold Like Fire by QueenofThyme (M, 12k)

Head Auror Harry Potter had no problem with mandatory consent training for his team. He’d actually been looking forward to it, that is, until he discovered who the teacher was. Now, he had no idea how he was going to get through the training without throwing a hex at Draco Malfoy. Or a punch.

In the Shape of Things to Come by @academicdisasterfic (E, 15k)

Existential angst and chronic boredom are plaguing Harry Potter in his cushy post-war life. However, a chance encounter with a tattooed, pierced, disgruntled Draco Malfoy in the middle of Muggle Camden seems to spark something in Harry again—and he never could stay away from Malfoy.

We Might Be Too Old for a Bildungsroman by @wellhalesbells (T, 21k)

Harry finds something he’s been looking for since the war’s end. Admittedly, the packaging’s a bit odder than he expected.

Ink (My Skin With Your Name) by Kandakicksass (M, 22k)

Several years after the war, an ostracized Draco Malfoy covers himself in tattoos, becomes best friends with a muggle, and debates abandoning magical society entirely to work in a tattoo shop. All in all, he's having a hell of a time trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to do with his life. The last thing he needs is to run into Harry Potter, who seems intent on becoming his friend, even if he has to get a lot of ink to do it.

All Bets Are Off by dualwieldteacup (M, 31k)

Harry Potter's latest security assignment brings him to Las Vegas for the International Wizarding Casino World Series. At a magic underwater hotel, he is tasked with guarding the legendary and mysterious gambler known as Snake Eyes. The stakes are high when both Galleons and emotions are involved. Not to mention peacock pool floats, secret pizza, and most importantly of all, second chances.

[sinful-karateka]

I'll bite and talk about something that doesn't get enough spotlight in general, which are Demetri's and Eli's family life. So obviously several fic authors have their own twists and flavors to this, but if I may sell you something for a sec.

So far into the series, what we've got are these facts:

Demetri's Mom is the only family member to be mentioned in the show.

Eli's parents were mentioned a couple of times.

That should be enough context to deduce two things:

Demetri could be an only child to a single mother, and;

Eli's parents involve themselves in the stuff that he does — including karate, who knows — though they tend to be tone deaf with his actual needs.

There's strong evidence to why the boys act the way they act (brain functions notwithstanding, but this isn't the post for that), which is why I think these deductions make sense. How their hypothetical upbringing is part and parcel to how characters behave in this series. Of course societal influence comes in second because obviously you've got a show that encourages learning karate as defense against bullies, but this show is also about generational chains and traumas! So why wouldn't their home life inform the way it informs the LaRusso's, Lawrence's, and Nichols'? But I digress.

In the span of the entire series, I've held onto this headcanon that Demetri's neuroticism and ability to anticipate his actions carefully stem from a household that needs these systems in place, much more for someone who likes to be on top of things. Since he's just a student, the only authoritative figure who can make executive decisions... is his mom. Add to the fact that she may be a working mom, so when Demetri tells Daniel about certain restrictions in learning karate, what could have made her decide to just write a letter instead vs. taking the time out to go with his son herself? I know I know it's narrative writing but like do you seeeee where I'm at here

Eli's family life is by far gave us early indications of his dynamic with his mother — but not so a father — in earlier seasons. It's possible that his mom is a stay-at-home one, but if I were to push the bounds of this box even further, I'd even speculate that she's retired early if it meant that Eli's dad is the one making most of the living. Like of course they'd get mad at Hawk for getting a tattoo at his age, I think any parent would! But the way he tells Aisha to exclude him from her stories tells us that there's not a lot that his parents know about the life he lives as Hawk. At this point we all know the kind of effort it takes to successfully carry it out because he has to go home every night. It's either he a) puts in a lot of effort into concealing this identity once he gets home, or b) his parents are rarely ever home, which again, feeds into another assumption that maybe Mrs. Moskowitz works certain hours.

All we know is they're never around a whole lot for these boys, which is sad! and also again, very Indicative of their classification as awkward nerds pre- and early karate. When I read along certain fics that consider and include how the rest of their characters besides the found families they've formed, it gives much more depth and potency to writing them, their flaws, and how they think.

For all we know, Mrs. Alexopoulos could be a lesbian making fun of her son for not slinging pussy like she does being rizzless unlike her, but don't let me explain that when we have @demetriandelibinaryboyfriends!

[mwahmwahh]

hey y'all:)

I came back with some updates on my post about a synastry between me and someone. Here's the link to the post if you havent seen it :

note: it's been like 6-7 months I believe ever since I posted it. Here are my observations so far.

12th house synastry

I've heard countless scaryyy things about this placement, and yes, it is painful. In my experience, it feels deeply karmic. In my case, his Moon, Venus, and Mars fall in my 12th house, and everything about our connection has been so confusing. There was mutual appreciation and love, but for now, it just couldn't come to fruition. Why? Because he has to work through his own blockages and limiting beliefs to grow into a better version of himself.

He pursued me relentlessly—there wasn’t a single week in months where he didn’t reach out. He would call me even during emotional moments (a clear influence of his Moon), and we would comfort each other. But from my perspective, his feelings always felt somewhat hidden from me, even though he showed interest and pursued me (Mars energy). Also speaking of his mars in my 12th house, it's like he was scared to not be perceived as "successful" or "manly" enough, would be to proud to show vulnerability even tho it comes so natural for him to do so with me? (moon and Venus placement again). It’s like he never fully acknowledged the truth about our situation—not external factors, but the emotions and love (Venus) between us. Or he did admit it but for some reason he hides it.

This placement is painful, yes, but I believe it holds immense potential for growth for both individuals if they are willing to work on themselves and become their desired self if they arent scared of their own potential. These are necessary lessons for personal growth and, potentially, for a stronger connection in the future. I say this because he many times admitted his mistakes, and he did say he is going to work on those bad parts of himself (honestly when I received that message I was really happy, because he does hold a lot of potential to be a good partner [I say this as all of my personal planers fall in his 7th house which I will talk later on as well on this post] but its like I knew I couldn't get to excited yet as it will take time and a lot of patience. And note : I do not plan on waiting for him. He can go focus on himself, I will do my own thing, and if this was ever meant to happen, it will happen eventually but again these placements made me reallyyy tired and took a lot of my energy as I was always left in doubt. I do like him ngl and I do hope things get better, but until then I tried my best and he knowsss he could've been so much better. Again since it is with no doubt (I do tarot and my friends too so I've confirmed this through tarot as well), he will eventually get his karma and will realise everything bad happening in his life is linked to every poor decision made. If he was a better man and showed more interest instead of being scared to do so, I would've stayed but since he didn't, I left (in silence too cuz I tried to explain myself many times and LADIES keep in mind a man reacts to actions, not words. you can send that ogre paragraph after paragraph, he will not change until you leave or something else happens. in my case after a fight we had I just unfollowed him and took him from my followers as well, now we wait for him to notice since I did it not long ago 🙂‍↕️)

Moving onnnn,,, (sorry y'all I'm a gemini STELLIUM I can just talk and write for hours no problemo:))) )

In my case, I’ve experienced several serious, long-term relationships, while he has struggled with relationships that failed, leaving him reluctant to pursue anything serious. I truly believe we were meant to meet—not in a soulmate way, but in a karmic sense. The pain he unconsciously causes me feels like a mirror of the unresolved pain he carries, giving him an opportunity to heal and grow. Through this, I hope we can both learn from and transform through the connection.

7th house synastry:

my sun, moon, mercury, and Venus fall in his 7th house. I've heard people say how the planet person feels it more than the house person but in this case I disagree. while I do see a lot of potential for this guy to be a good partner, he struggles to let me go because he feels the same way, but bcs of his planets in my 12th house, makes it confusing for him to see how he can pursue me or have me, makes his feelings clouded bcs of unresolved issues but through it all he sometimes has this lighting bulb when he wants to make things right, fix everything and meet. I do believe the influence of this house does balance a lot of aspects from the 12th house. The connection was really dreamy, since we both saw the potential to be together, we connected on many levels and had a lot in common but also a lot of difencences that ironically enough made us more attractive to one another. It's like I reflect something hopeful for him, because many times I did encourage him on a lot of things and given him support when, with his own words, doesn't even recieve this much support from family or friends. We had many deep conversations, not just about our situation, that helped him but I do believe it does help him more than it does to me. More on this house, my moon in his 7th house again explains just how natural it came for him to tell me the "unhidden" things, my sun thete also really puts a focus on the "problems" (the problem being him, but anyways).

8th house synastry

Mentioning also the 8th house synastry real quick (my mars and saturn in his 8th house), yes there was a lot of attraction and sexual attraction, a lot of admiration etc but I feel like it's very obsessive from his pov. It's like he wants to be together with me but doesn't know how to and he's ego is too high (for now) to admit it until it's too late. And when he will finally realise I'm not there waiting for him to change anymore is when finally that mars placement gets activated, but in a very pursuing way and idk how it will go but mark my words bcs I will update you guys again :).

More personally, yes he had a lot going on in his life, yes he knows he hasn't been the best man and did say he wants and will fix those negative parts of himself, but there is no excuse to "play" with someone's time and energy. This situation was really tiring, again, and I think it is for the both of us because yes we can confront each other in a healthy way but it gets to a point it becomes really frustrating : for me not seeing process and eventually losing more interest/patience for this, and for him because he wants to change but doesn't know how to. and I tried helping him but I do not wanna keep saving people who can't be saved, especially a man HE CAN HELP HIMSELF!!!!🤩

I feel like this post was very long so sorry in advance!!! if you guys want a can make a part 2 or if you have any questions please leave a comment, I will reply to you :)

[batsplat]

your sampras/agassi post was life changing... my god

(said post) thank you!! I'm really pleased by the pick up that post has gotten - I don't post much about tennis on here, but it always has and always will be my number one sport and this rivalry is one that's very dear to my heart. incidentally, I got a similar ask prompting a write up of the henin/clijsters rivalry, so when I find the time I'll talk about them in similar depth too. now there's a rivalry that definitely deserves more attention that it gets

but speaking of agassi/sampras, while I have you here... there's one particular match from 1994 I only very briefly alluded to that does also speak rather nicely to the themes of that rivalry. it's the final of key biscayne (aka miami), played at a time when sampras is the dominant world number one and agassi is still on just the single slam. the reason why this match is so notable is that it could very easily not have happened. sampras was struggling with health issues at that point of his career - and before the match was scheduled to start, agassi came upon him lying prone on the locker room floor with severe stomach pain

sampras was not ready to start the match at the scheduled start time. by rights, it should have been agassi's win via walkover. the tournament directors requested that agassi agree to a delay of the match - it's particularly awkward to have to cancel a final, after all, with thousands of spectators present to see the big match (x)

On March 20, when Agassi entered the locker room before the final, he witnessed a very unusual scene: Sampras was lying on the ground, suffering from a stomach ache. There was no way Sampras could be ready to start the final on time, which would make Agassi the Miami champion. However, the world No 1 thought he would be able to play if Agassi agreed to delay the final by an hour. Agassi agreed. “It’s not about winning the tournament; it’s about taking pride in what you do,” Agassi explained later, according to The New York Times. “If I couldn’t beat Pete healthy, I didn’t deserve to win the tournament.”

delaying it by A WHOLE HOUR is just objectively extremely generous from agassi - though of course the expectation was that sampras surely wouldn't be particularly competitive anyway. sampras got an IV drip that managed to at least get him back on his feet and ready to take to the court. so at last, after all the fuss and delay, they manage to get the match started. here's agassi in his autobiography describing the delay:

After dispatching Becker, I’m in the final. My opponent? Pete. As always, Pete. The match is slated for national TV. Brad and I are both keyed up as we walk into the locker room, only to find Pete lying on the ground. A doctor and a trainer are leaning over him. The tournament director hovers in the background. Pete brings his knees up to his chest and groans. Food poisoning, the doctor says. Brad whispers to me, Guess you just won Key Biscayne. The director takes Brad and me aside and asks if we’d be willing to give Pete time to recover. I feel Brad stiffen. I know what he wants me to say. But I tell the director, Give Pete all the time he needs. The director sighs and puts his hand on my arm. Thank you, he says. We’ve got fourteen thousand people out there. Plus the network. Brad and I lounge around the locker room, flipping channels on the TV, making phone calls. I dial Brooke, who’s auditioning for Grease on Broadway. Otherwise, she’d be here. Brad shoots me an evil glare. Relax, I tell him, Pete probably won’t get better. The doctor gives Pete an IV, then props him on his feet. Pete wobbles, a newborn colt. He’ll never make it. The tournament director comes to us. Pete’s ready, he says. Fucking A, Brad says. So are we. Should be a short night, I tell Brad.

now, I reckon by now you should be able to guess where this is going. you can find the full match on youtube (samprasfan1987 one of the absolute goats of historical tennis match youtube), though unfortunately only with german commentary. here's three minute highlights with truly horrendous quality:

and I'd recommend it as a match to experience in its entirety. it's........ it's not the best match you'll ever see. it's not the best match those two have played. it's certainly a match those two have played. but, y'know, the thing about tennis is that sometimes it just isn't the best matches that are the most compelling... sometimes it's the matches where both players are fighting their demons. sometimes it's compelling to watch the demons win

because of course sampras can't do the decent thing and just roll over and die. he just HAS to come out swinging, clearly rattling agassi with how he can actually somehow play proper tennis in his condition. this match is such a fun little case study of what an absolute bitch it is to play a physically diminished opponent. the spectators, the commentator, you the viewer, and agassi himself - everyone knows that agassi SHOULD be winning this match. of course he should!! sampras was lying on the FLOOR an hour ago, he's had to IV his way back to his feet, agassi is giving him the "newborn colt" descriptors. and this kind of set-up does run the risk of making you feel like it's a lose-lose situation. if you win, you only won because your opponent was off your game. if you lose, then you're a fucking moron who couldn't even put away the weakest version of your rival

and it's clearly affecting agassi, who plays poorly at the start of the match. he quickly goes down 2-5*, double break to sampras, not finding his rhythm and reeling off a litany of cheap errors as sampras ticks up his games with typical metronomic efficiency. agassi might be making sampras' life easier, but sampras certainly isn't playing like a man who'd lain stricken with agony a short while earlier. then, however, agassi rallies - finds his game, loosens up, probably because he was already down on the scoreboard. the worst case scenario was already happening. the momentum switches quickly and it looks like sampras might be ailing physically after all. agassi still isn't playing his best - but he takes it to sampras, cleans up the error count a little and takes five consecutive games to win the first set 7-5. which, well. a physically healthy sampras generally does not get broken three service games in a row. not with his serve

so going into the second set, it looks like... well, maybe sampras had only about half an hour of decent tennis in him. now he's run out of steam, it's basically game over, right? agassi can cruise home to take the match and the title - probably shouldn't have let the first set get so spooky, but all's well that ends well. spectators got their show, agassi doesn't fall apart against a guy who might keel over any minute

except... except. first set to agassi, and the pressure's once again on him... once again, he's the guy who's supposed to be winning. sampras is down, might be out - he has no reason not to swing freely in a match he probably should be losing. and unfortunately for agassi, there's no guarantee sampras might not recover again physically somewhat after all. energy levels can wax and wane - if you're trying to manage some kind of physical issue, you might be struggling for a while before suddenly clicking back into gear again. agassi has the momentum, sampras has nothing to lose

you know what happens next. sampras gets better and better. agassi gives up a cheap break early in the second - by the third, sampras does manage to find a strong level. it's basically one way traffic. sampras takes the victory. agassi takes another blow

or, as the washington post would put it in a true all timer sports headline:

lovely

here is sampras' description of that episode:

Meanwhile, in a development I kept secret from everyone, I was battling physical problems of my own, although they were paltry compared to Tim’s. For more than a year, I had been struggling with bouts of nausea and an inability, at times, to keep food or even water down. The situation started sometime in 1993, and was so aggravated by the spring of 1994 that I was unable to make the start time for the final of the important Key Biscayne tournament, in which I was to play Andre Agassi. In a gesture I still appreciate, Andre agreed to postpone the scheduled 1 P.M. start of the final for an hour, while I took an intravenous glucose drip. I had been throwing up all morning, which I blamed on the pasta dinner I’d had the night before. The IV did the job, rehydrating me, and I went on to win the final in three sets. At the time, I wanted to believe that the episodes were somehow related to dehydration.

and his immediate post-match comments:

“I woke up at 7 feeling nauseated, heaving and gagging; I didn’t think I’d be able to go out and play,” Sampras added. “But I feel a lot better now. As the match wore on, the adrenaline started kicking in and I started to think I could win when the chips are down. That sort of showed me I’ve got guts.”

guts that were nearly spilling out of him at one point, one might note

and on agassi's side:

“Once he got in front, he started serving big, and that was it,” Agassi commented. “Part of me was saying there was no way he could stay out there for three sets…. I was wrong.” During the trophy ceremony, tournament founder Butch Bucholz thanked Agassi for his sportsmanship, and the runner-up received a standing ovation from the crowd. 

I'm sure agassi felt better getting a standing ovation for having been made a fool of

and that's the problem, isn't it, hinted at by agassi's own line - playing a diminished opponent forces you to think far far more than you should be. it increases the stakes. it makes you feel like you should be winning. it saps at your concentration. it requires you to resist feeling any sympathy or even pity for your opponent when they're struggling. it makes you wonder if you should be taking advantage of your opponent's condition, make them move around the court more, prolong the points, change your style of play to better suit the situation. it makes you wary of celebrating too much, partly out of respect and partly out of a sense of dignity, messes with your motivation levels. makes you think too much about how people are reacting to the match when you should be focusing on how you're playing it. it makes you try and peer into the future - wondering when their level might drop off, if you just need to hold out until their legs give way... all these extra considerations, eating away at your concentration and mental strength. on the flip side, it can make everything easier for the struggling player: they know they only have limited options to pull off the win, they know they probably shouldn't be winning, so they can opt for simplicity over turmoil

it's a universal dynamic in tennis, happens to the best of us - but this specific scenario does also feel like it just happens to be perfect for this specific rivalry. as always, pete; as always, denying andre. sampras, who could swing freely and fight as hard as he dared and show his guts and emerge victorious. agassi, plagued by doubts, second guessing himself as he lets his inevitable rival inevitably snatch away another victory. from right under his nose. after having been lying prone on the locker room floor in front of agassi's own eyes

as ever, of course, agassi himself puts it best:

But Pete does it again. He sends his evil twin onto the court. This is not the Pete who was curled in a ball on the locker-room floor. This is not the Pete who was getting an IV and wobbling in circles. This Pete is in the prime of life, serving at warp speed, barely breaking a sweat. He’s playing his best tennis, unbeatable, and he jumps out to a 5–1 lead. Now I’m angry. I feel as if I found a wounded bird, brought it home, and nursed it back to health, only to have it try to peck my eyes out. I fight back and win the set. Surely I’ve withstood the only attack Pete can mount. He can’t possibly have anything left. But in the second set he’s even better. And in the third he’s a freak. He wins the best-of-three match. I burst into the locker room. Brad is waiting for me, seething. He says again that if he’d been in my place, he’d have forced Pete to forfeit. He’d have demanded that the director fork over the winner’s check. That’s not me, I tell Brad. I don’t want to win like that. Besides, if I can’t beat a guy who’s poisoned, lying on the ground, I don’t deserve it. Brad abruptly stops talking. His eyes get big. He nods. He can’t argue with that. He respects my principles, he says, even though he doesn’t agree. We walk out of the stadium together like Bogart and Claude Rains at the end of Casablanca. The beginning of a beautiful friendship. A vital new member of the team.

such an impressive act of sportsmanship. so completely unrewarded. god, I LOVE the wounded bird trying to peck agassi's eyes out description. can you IMAGINE how annoying that must be if you're agassi? what a thorn in your side this one guy must be? what does it TAKE to put this bloke away? doesn't even have the decency to lose when he's needing an IV drip to take to the court. always, always, ALWAYS catching agassi by surprise. in their first slam final when agassi should've been the favourite, in that 2001 uso quarterfinal when agassi was in far better form, in their last ever slam final and match... even here, when sampras should have been a shell of himself. somehow sampras finds something, somehow he has an evil doppelgaenger to send out in his stead. no wonder he kept scrambling agassi's brain. what a nightmare to deal with

[mrhaitch]

Hello Mr. Haitch, how are you ? I reckon that since you're an author married to an another wonderful author, you may be familiar with the self-doubt and overall bleh feeling that comes with writing and not really finding pleasure or purpose in it anymore. My question is : how do you deal with that ? I don't see myself as a writer but I still try to nurture this hobby, it's just been hard when everything I write ends up feeling flat at best, unreadable at worst. I don't really have writer pals or readers who give me feedback and I was a bit sad to realise that even when sharing my writing on online spaces where there are no stakes, it still feels like a race to notes and interactions. How can I keep pushing past this ? How do I improve when no one gives me feedback ?

I'm doing well, thank you anon.

Yes this is all familiar to me, and it's something I'm presently overcoming myself (I think it's been over two years since I managed to complete something).

I think there's a few different things here to address so I'll take them each in turn.

Motivation - Loss of motivation is inevitable. All love affairs have peaks and troughs, creative ones doubly so. Accepting that what you're feeling now will pass in time can help, but it's not a cure. When I feel like a failure I try to remember something Neil Gaiman talked about a few years back: writing is a lot like trying to get to the top of a mountain, with every word being a single step closer or another foot surmounted. If you find there's a time you can't write, you're not going backwards, you're just standing in place. Sometimes you have to in order to catch your breath. Forgive yourself for taking a breather - and try to figure out why you need it.

Writing in isolation - This has been my own experience, to tell the truth. I hold a Masters degree in Creative Writing and sat through many hours of workshops, but even then it still felt like I was writing alone - that somehow the conversations that took place in those groups were competitive and unconstructive; everyone eyeing each other, asking 'do you like me? do you like my work? is this okay?'. Writing can be lonely, especially with that first draft where you're writing with the door closed, just figuring out the story one line at a time. You can experience several lifetimes in the space of an hour and occasionally emerge from your writing place, puffy faced and wild-eyed, feeling like you have to tell someone what you just witnessed, but find people give you a quizzical look and fail to understand. Working with others, sharing with others, especially people who do understand can be a wonderful balm for such extended (and sometimes necessary) solitude - but it can have it's own problems. Sometimes you internalise the expectations and tastes of others in such a way that proves more of a hindrance then a help. Which brings me to-

Writing for a social media profile - I've done this myself some times and fell into the same trap you describe: second guessing my work for the sake of a theoretical audience, interpreting a lack of engagement as a sign of my own failures or short-comings as a writer. Even when I published for the first time, and then again for a second, I have only met one person who read my work and it was only because they were published in the same anthology. The relationship between artist and audience is difficult, fraught might be a better word, and one that deserves its own post. Sometimes the audience feels they're owed something by the artist, sometimes the artist senses that expectation and subjects their work to censure to adapt it to what they think the audience wants from them. In the end you've got a work that satisfies no one. Social media can help you find an audience - but it's also a medium built around habit, dependency, and engagement. It's not a true reflection of your worth, but rather how closely what you produce as an artist best fits that platforms algorithms and business models. And, here I'm flirting with arrogance a bit, you should never really concern yourself with what everyone might think.

As for advice, here's the best I've got: find whatever it is that brings you to the page and keeps you there. If trying to satisfy the expectations of others isn't helping, then focus on what you want. How would you tell this story, if you were the only person to ever read it? How would you excite yourself, challenge yourself, enlighten yourself?

Beyond that I'd suggest reading a lot and reading widely. Feed the creative compost heap that dwells in the darker, mustier corners of your mind, and see what weird and wonderful things take root.

And if you want something to prime the engine, watch this short interview with Ray Bradbury towards the end of his life. It always cheers me up:

[scoopertrouper]

If you’re still taking Stancy prompts, Nancy wondering what Steve is up to while they keep their distance in s3 is always my jam. Love love love your Nancy and Steve.

my first prompt fill!

i have to be honest, i don’t know if this is really what you were looking for? like, i admit there’s altogether more jonathan than probably anyone wants to see. but alas, i banged this out in like four hours last night and this is where my brainworm took me. thanks for prompting!

also, if you want to get a more exact idea of the kind of headspace i was in writing this, you’ll just want to listen to tswift’s death by a thousand cuts on one long, endless loop.

2,200-ish words under the cut.

-*-*-*

the only thing we share [is this small town]

She sees him sometimes. 

Not on purpose. Definitely not on purpose, but Hawkins has a population smaller than the enrollments of some state colleges. It’s kind of inevitable that their paths will cross more than occasionally.

And it’s not that Nancy's avoiding him, exactly. It’s more that every time she gets a glance at him even in passing, it’s impossible not to recall the sad way he’d stared down at her the last time they’d really spoken to each other, resigned to an outcome she wasn’t even sure she herself had reconciled with yet.

It doesn’t make her feel good, and after the past year, she’s more than sick of seeking out reasons to feel bad. 

So she doesn’t avoid him, but she also doesn’t not hide behind aisles in Melvald’s when she sees him pass by. And if they happen to be walking along the same side of Main Street at the same time, it just so happens that she’ll remember several urgent reasons why she needs to cross the road right away.

But that’s not avoiding. It can’t be, because Nancy doesn’t avoid. She barrels, head on, right into even the most fraught situations, because at the end of the day she has nothing without her resolute confidence in the fact that she is right.

She is right, and nothing – not Department of Energy hacks, nor the assholes at the Hawkins Post who make a sport of changing up their sandwich orders and the way they take their coffee every other day (“See if you can solve this, Nancy Drew…”) – can shake that certainty.

(Except sometimes – sometimes/especially when she sees Steve – a creeping sense of wrong begins to slither its way in, wraps icy tendrils of doubt around her carefully guarded resolve and squeezes. Hard.

But before it can do too much damage, before it can cause the kinds of hairline fissures that turn into cracks that end in endless interdimensional bloodshed, she turns away. Takes Jonathan’s hand, and looks into his eyes, and remembers why they’re the only two people in the world who could possibly get each other. Even when she can’t understand why he hovers in uncomfortable silence while those dickheads laugh at her. Even when he doesn’t get why she just can’t stop pushing, because a job’s a job and maybe if she let up a little they wouldn’t laugh at her so much.

None of that matters, because she and Jonathan…they just make sense. The photographer and the journalist. Shared goals. Shared trauma. Right? Right. 

And so the ground steadies beneath her feet, and her breathing eases, and she sinks back into the safe surety of her belief.)

Most of the time, not-avoiding-Steve also facilitates not-thinking-about-Steve, which is easier now that he hasn’t been around town much lately. She’d heard via the grapevine – amid some derisive tittering that had irked her for reasons she preferred not to examine – that he’d gotten a job at the ice cream parlor at Starcourt, and that he wasn’t headed to college after the summer was over, because he didn’t get into a single school, can you believe it?

The guilt was suffocating. She puts it out of her mind.

So it’s a blessing in disguise that Jonathan’s aversion to crowds and hypercommercialism means that Nancy hasn’t spent as much time at Starcourt as she’d planned to once she heard they were putting in a Gap. Because less time at Starcourt meant less time not-avoiding Steve (and less time – and money – spent stress shopping).

In fact, Nancy’s been lured into such a false sense of security that she never sees the stupid commercial coming.

It’s evening, and still boiling outside, and she and Jonathan are languishing on his beat-up couch after a long day spent toiling in the darkroom (him) and chasing down a specific kind of pastrami on rye with grain mustard available only from the sole deli in Hawkins, which just happens to be about as far across town as you can get on foot (her, of course).

Nancy is the kind of mentally exhausted that means that while she’s valiantly trying to pay attention to CBS Evening News (she likes to flip back and forth between all the major network shows), she’s actually staring off into space as Dan Rather covers a TWA flight hijacking that she knows she should care more about.

The jingle of the commercial doesn’t even penetrate the fog until Jonathan scoffs.

“Christ,” he mumbles. “They’re still playing this shit on TV?”

“Huh?” Nancy grunts before she can stop herself, rousing from her stupor. (It’s only now that she realizes she’s been doodling daisies where she usually takes careful notes on each story’s lead-in.)

“The Starcourt commercial,” Jonathan says, nudging her with his shoulder. “It’s been open for, like, a month. When’re they gonna give it a rest?” 

“Oh.” Nancy gets with the program, and laughs perfunctorily at the cheesy stock footage that’s eaten more airtime over the past six months than she’d ever thought city council would have the budget for. (Huh. Maybe there’s a story there.) “I kind of forgot about it.”

“Maybe…we could check it out soon,” Jonathan says, eyeing her almost cautiously. “See if it’s as awful as it looks.”

Nancy does a double-take before she can stop herself.

“You said it’d take a literal alien invasion to get you to set foot inside that mall.” And with the bizarro turn their lives have taken over the past year, she can’t be entirely certain he’d been joking.

Jonathan shifts, and scratches the back of his head.

“Well – they do have a bookstore,” he says, defensive. “And, like, I know this internship hasn’t been what you were hoping, so it might be nice to –” His jaw drops before he can finish the thought. “Holy shit, is that Steve Harrington?”

Nancy’s head whips around so fast she almost hears a crack. And yeah, that is Steve Harrington. In vivid technicolor, standing behind a cash register next to a vaguely familiar-looking redhead with a tousled bob – Nancy’s pretty sure she’s seen her around school before.

She recognizes the discomfort in his face all too well – it had stared across the table at her every time she’d tried to quiz him on SAT vocabulary words last summer. 

Only then, he hadn’t been wearing a hideous polyester sailor costume.

“That’s new,” Jonathan says, the ill-disguised laughter in his voice so uncharacteristic that Nancy’s head whips back around again. She’s going to need a chiropractor by the time this commercial ends. “I guess we definitely gotta check out Starcourt now.”

She rolls her eyes, and relaxes the fist she’d clenched around her pencil during the seven seconds – max – that Steve had been on screen. Jonathan doesn’t seem to have noticed her tension, and she’s grateful.

“What’s so interesting about watching Steve scoop overpriced ice cream?” she deflects skeptically, sinking further into the couch, wincing as she hits a spring. Now Jonathan’s the one who double-takes.

“Um. Nancy. It’s King Steve.” She doesn’t love the way he says that. “Dressed like a stand-in for The Village People. Slinging banana splits. What isn’t interesting about that?”

“It’s just a job,” Nancy retorts, face heating. “D’you think it’s funny that I run around buying lunch and pouring coffee for a bunch of dipshits who wouldn’t know a good above-the-fold if it hit them with a two-by-four?”

“Of course not, Jesus!” Jonathan sputters helplessly, shoulders hiking up to his ears. “I just meant – I didn’t – of course I don’t think that’s funny.” His mouth flattens. “I think it’s really shitty. You’re right, I shouldn’t make fun of anyone’s job. We don’t have to go to Starcourt. I just thought it’d be something we could do together.”

He looks deflated, and all at once, Nancy feels like shit. Jonathan was so serious all the time, and usually she liked when he let that go a little bit and dropped his guard. But she’s ruined it by getting defensive, and she doesn't even totally understand why.

“No, I’m sorry,” she backtracks, grabbing his hand and linking their fingers. It’s warm, as familiar as her own at this point. “It’s just…been a shit day. I overreacted.” She just has to work harder. Make them see how serious she is about this. Make them see how good she is at this.

All at once, she’s acutely ashamed of how lax and distracted she’s been, scrawling stupid pictures all over her notepad when she should be working. Improving her craft. Showing everyone that she belongs in that newsroom. Showing them that she’s right.

In return, Jonathan’s smile is strained, but it seems genuine enough. He squeezes her hand, with a strength that still surprises her sometimes.

“Things’ll get better. You’ll see. You’re brilliant. They’ll figure it out. Eventually.” He ducks his head, then looks up again, a little more relaxed. “Speaking of ice cream…I think Mom brought some Rocky Road home last night. Two spoons?”

Nancy nods, accepting the peace offering for what it is (even though she prefers strawberry).

“Yeah…that sounds good.” He leaves to clatter around in the kitchen, and she turns back to the TV, suppressing the urge to chew on the end of her pencil (what serious journalist walks around with bit-up erasers?).

Against her will, Steve’s face plays on a rewind loop in her mind’s eye.

Maybe it was just her imagination, but he’d looked miserable, and she was pretty sure it wasn’t stage fright (he used to preen whenever the yearbook photographers were in his general vicinity. It was equal parts endearing and annoying).

Had he really not gotten into any colleges? (None of her business.) His dad probably hadn’t taken that well. (Really none of her business.) 

She should’ve tried to help him more, after the whole…incident. He’d been insanely concussed, and that couldn’t have helped with the whole college essays and applications thing. He’d already been having a hard enough time with it all.

But what could she have done? The thing with Jonathan had been so new, and every time she chanced a look at Steve, he was already staring back, hurt scrawled plainly all over his face.

It would be better now, though, right? A lot of time has passed. She’s firmly settled into her new relationship, and Steve is – Steve knows how to rebound. He’s always been good at that, on the court and in life.

Maybe she should go visit him. Not – not to laugh at him, but just to see how he’s doing.

Would that girl be there? The coworker? She’s cute, in a “probably listens to too much Depeche Mode” kind of way. So not Steve’s type. (Nancy, why would that matter?) 

But they had been standing kind of close in the commercial. Maybe they’re friends?

Nancy snorts. Steve didn’t have female friends, except for maybe Carol, and that was mostly vis a vis that shit-for-brains Tommy. In fact, after he cut the two of them out, Steve didn’t seem to have many real friends. Or any. At all. He’d focused all his attentions on Nancy.

She swallows past the tightness in her throat. Anyway. This girl. Definitely – definitely not a friend. Maybe a friendly coworker. Or…

Nancy glares at the whites of her knuckles. None of her business. 

It really isn’t. After all, she has Jonathan, and Steve has, well…whoever he wants, really. That’s never been an issue for him, not even after he’d been officially “dethroned”. Girls still lined up at his locker for crumbs of his attention, right smack dab where Nancy used to wait for him in between classes. She assumes that in that regard, not much has changed besides the venue.

In fact, she can see it pretty clearly: Steve, raking a hand through his thick hair every time a pretty girl happens to make her way into Scoops Ahoy. Drumming deft fingers against the glass of the freezer. Handing out free scoops of ice cream like they’re not gonna eventually come out of his check.

Suggesting that they stick around until he’s off-shift so they can catch a movie or – or – something else.

The pencil snaps. Startled, she stares down at her hand, where the two jagged pieces haphazardly dangle, connected by little more than a few bare slivers of wood. What the fuck?

She’s got pretty much no time to figure out what the hell just happened, though, because Jonathan picks that moment to come back into the living room, a carton with two spoons balanced in his grip.

“Sorry that took a sec,” he apologizes, and  Nancy shoves the pencil’s remains in between the couch cushions before he can notice. “Will left eggs in the pan again, and I told him he’s gotta wash them out, like, right away or it’s a pain in the ass to scrub them off later –”

“It’s okay,” Nancy cuts in, unsettled by the stinging in her palm as he flops back down beside her. Despite the heat, he curls an arm around her shoulders. It’s light, and wiry, and she tells herself she prefers it that way.

“Dan’s kind of boring tonight,” Jonathan tuts, leaning back. “Wanna see what Tom’s up to?”

Nancy nods, curling into his side and scooping a spoonful of ice cream out of the container crammed between them. It’s creamy, and deliciously sweet on her tongue.

It’s just right.

(It has to be.)

[eliotquillon]

BOOKS: 16, 3, 5

16. What is the most overhyped book you read this year?

nobody get mad at me. but buddha of suburbia by hanif kureishi. don’t get me wrong i LIKED this book!!! i love edgy literary fiction (coming out as a moshfegh enjoyer) and i love gross borderline TMI details and i love a messy protagonist and i love a clean writing style. this ticked all of those boxes and it’s a good coming of age story and i get why it was and still is popular. but did it blow me away? no. the edition i read had a foreword by zadie smith that basically acted as if it was god’s gift to literary fiction and idk maybe that skewed my expectations but it just wasn’t! a solid 4 star train read but it did not change my life and i was kind of expecting it to (especially because kureishi wrote the screenplay for my beautiful laundrette which is one of my favourite films EVER).

3. What were your top 5 books of the year?

AGHH this is tricky.

maybe this is cheating because i had to read it for my dissertation but a single man by christopher isherwood had me crying in public. again, more literary fiction, and as with most of isherwood’s work it hasn’t exactly aged gracefully in places, but it is just so…raw. i can take or leave isherwood’s attempts at humour but what he IS very very good at is portraying grief, especially in the stream of consciousness format. even when it isn’t the explicit focus of a passage or a chapter it’s always in the room and it just absolutely gutted me. honestly this book had the effect on me that everyone said i was supposed to get from mrs dalloway. i don’t think isherwood is a better writer than woolf overall but IN THIS ONE RESPECT…isherwood wins.

this one is top 5 not in terms of quality but in terms of ‘made my inner 13 year old very happy’: the sunshine court by nora sakavic. look okay when i was 13 i read the all for the game trilogy for the first time and it changed my brain chemistry forever. i may be an adult with an english degree now but when i found out there was gonna be a spin-off sequel you bet your ass i dropped everything i was doing to devour this book in one day. i would like everyone here to know that i was on the jeremy/jean ship train years before it was cool and i have the jerejean fanfic with thousands of kudos that was written and posted in 2017 to PROVE IT. i don’t have anything coherent to say about this book other than ‘objectively it was badly written but subjectively i had to lie down on the floor for several hours after reading it’ and that’s my truth. i would not wish this book series on my worst enemy. but nevertheless.

i also really liked manhunt by gretchen felker-martin. i’m not usually a horror/zombie apocalypse person BUT this is a very different take on it��i think i will do a very bad job of describing it so please look it up, it’s an ownvoices novel written by a trans woman. i was not a super big fan of the ending but everything up until that was very, very good—i normally hate gore but the body horror descriptions were super compelling and i think the plot works really really well as an allegory for transmisogyny.

rounding out the list: this year i finally got around to reading maus by art spiegelman and yeah. it just really is that good. by far the best graphic novel i have ever read and honestly the best non-fiction book i’ve read in a while. and finally: american sonnets for my past and future assassin by terrance hayes!! i was set sonnet from hip logic for a supervision essay (all fourteen lines are ‘we sliced the watermelon into smiles’) and it got me a) very into sonnets and b) very into hayes’ work in general. highly highly recommend. i am not a ‘poetry person’ for the most part (bold take for an english major, i know) but this collection slaps. really made me rethink everything i knew about poetry.

5. What genre did you read the most of?

yeah there is a clear winner here and for better or for worse it Is literary fiction. i did not used to be a lit fiction person at all and then the summer before i turned 19 i got really annoying and really into ottessa moshfegh and now look at me . specifically i read a lot of modernism this year because my dissertation supervisor specialises in it and i am, once again, writing an isherwood diss lmao. and i also read a hell of a lot of short stories if we’re counting those as a separate subgenre (which i don’t, i class it as a form, but i know some people do). my teenage self would be so disappointed in me. i do have such a soft spot for genre fiction, specifically fantasy, and i DO still read a lot of it but i just lean more towards literary fiction now and that’s okay!!!

[kaija-rayne-author]

I'm doing a series of reviews as I play Dragon Age Veilguard. One or two posts a day, whenever I can play.

This is installment one.

Can't remember if I mentioned that a lovely person gave me a copy of DAV. And I'm so very grateful I can play close to release. So I can do an unbiased review series.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

I'm seven hours in. (2 in CC so 5 playtime.)

Spoilers for DAV. Dragon Age Veilguard

Also, this is all my off the cuff writing. I haven't the time, energy, or desire to edit them.

Five hours in... I can confidently say welp, it's a game. It is indeed a video game.

I don't hate it? Most of it? Can't say I love it, either.

Background and environment folks did a fantastic job. And I was pretty sure they would. That part feels like Dragon Age. Except for the floaty spaceship thing in Minrathous. Intentionally not saying what it's supposed to be, because they do tell you.

Baddy design is as bad as I feared. If not actually worse.

I totally called it on several points, which gods escaped, for one. The fact that those 'demons' were gonna give me a headache, too. And the whole Solas Varric sitch.

CC is pretty good. Nothing ground breaking, but people should be able to make a character they like? You can make a good redhead.

I like the new codex design. I still preferred DAO for that one. Aaaannnnd I've already caught a couple editing errors in the text.

Extremely thrilled that my non-binary ass can be non-binary.

Yes, you can actually make a (slightly) pudgy character.

That is still not Solas. And you can't try to tell me I'll probably like him once I see him in game, anymore. I don't. He does still move the same, so they got that right. Still has the subtle humour, too, which, since Weekes wrote him, makes sense.

They were right, the characters do look better in game.

AND THAT IS STILL NOT A FUCKING DARKSPAWN.

My youngest kid just glanced at my screen and did a double take with a 'Ma? Why are you playing Fortnite?'

From the mouths of babes. He's right in that Fortnite player age bracket, FWIW. And no, he has no interest in playing Dragon Age. No matter how much they made some of it look like Fortnite.

Not feeling any of the romanceables, yet. But I've only met Neve, Lace, and Bellara. Alas my poor bisexual heart. None of the women do it for me. That may change, it's still very early as per in-game events.

I'm going to stick with it to see if it'll actually catch me up. Because it sadly has not, yet. By an hour in on my first playthrough of DAO, I was head over heels for Alistair. By 1 hour into Awakening, Anders had me. By hour 3 in DA2? Anders and Isabela both had me. By seven hours into DAI? I was very much in love with Solas, though I was playing a guy because I wanted to Romance Dorian first. (Still really loved Dorian.) But yeah, that bloody elf had me first, and I think it was at the first damned scene with him in it. Which is roughly an hour or so in?

I'm intensely curious about the story, and it's why I was so desperate to play it. So unless it somehow utterly offends me, (worse than those not-fucking-darkspawn and what-the-actual-fuck-are-those-demons already have) I'll finish it. Unless I lose interest. It's at least worth playing so far. I don't feel like I wasted the seven hours.

Fighting is reasonably easy to adjust to. And it'll be more fun when I get the hang of it. (For me, I usually don't have a lot of trouble picking up new fighting systems in games.)

Oh, and it took Astarion BG3 half an hour. 🤣

Please no spoilers if anyone responds. As I said, only seven hours in.

In case you're interested, here's my predictions piece.

And here's the second part in my ongoing review as I play series.

[fancy-feast-official]

instead of doing anything normal (like taking ibuprofen for my headache) i just spent the past four hours of my life writing an essay on why manfred von karma is abusive. kind of proud of it ngl.

also i tagged all quotes from the original post i'm talking about to their actual [user].tumblr.com site which has really bright colors fyi. i'll link the tumblr.com/[user] site at the end of the essay if bright colors don't work for you. also if ppl start sending me hate i'm just gonna block them.

In a Tumblr post by Wendy/Jessie Rose Rocket (referred to from here on as Wendy) on their interpretation of Manfred von Karma (MvK) in the Ace Attorney series, they argue that there is little canon evidence that MvK could have ever abused his children.[1] This however, is not the case, as there are various examples which they cite themselves that include traits of emotional abuse, including a hyper-controlling nature, manipulation, and invalidation of the victim’s feelings.

Before I get into the various examples given in the original post which indicate emotional abuse, I will say that I am not going to attack the more personal aspects of this argument, nor do I wish to attack any people who believe that MvK is not an abuser. I only want to look at the facts of his characterization and dissect the argument itself. Ignoring or overwriting the signs of emotional abuse in fictional characters can pose some threat to real people – if they’ll excuse emotional manipulation in fiction, they may be willing to excuse when they themselves are emotionally manipulated. I also think that it is misleading for Wendy to state that they are alright with abuse victims writing MvK as an abuser, before spending several hundred words explaining why they don’t think that MvK is an abuser, and that Ace Attorney fans are wrong in interpreting him that way.

Also, I will mention that both my own essay and the original post are triggered somewhat by the Filter Bubble Effect,[2] where content filtering and selection leads to a person only seeing one opinion or viewpoint. Wendy mentions that, while they see differing viewpoints on MvK on Tumblr, Twitter, and AO3, they do not see interpretations of him as abusive on other sites. I personally disagree with this statement as entirely factual, as before this post was made I had never seen interpretations of MvK as anything other than abusive. There is likely a split between these two interpretations, and I’m not willing to hazard a guess as to percentages in each camp.

With all that said, Wendy also mentions that both Miles Edgeworth (Edgeworth) and Franziska von Karma (Franziska) are “incredibly queer & nd coded.”[3] This is somewhat untrue. Both Edgeworth and Franziska are written as stuffy, calculating, and believing themselves to be entirely logical. While these are considered traits of neurodivergency, it is stated within the canon of the games that these traits have been trained in them by MvK. There’s an argument to be made on nurture versus nature (especially in the case of Edgeworth), but for the purposes of my argument I am going to say that this is more due to their upbringings than anything else.

While Edgeworth is somewhat queer-coded, it is only really present as a joke (Implications that Edgeworth isn’t aware that women find him attractive[4]), or because of his relationship with Phoenix Wright.[5] Franziska is not queer coded, though she is written as somewhat masculine compared to other female characters. This characterization is more a result of her being a female version of MvK and Edgeworth, and less to do with any alleged queerness.

The first piece of evidence which Wendy gives, under the context that it is “the one single piece of evidence that team fanfred brings to the table,”[6] are three lines from  Ace Attorney Investigations, both in the fourth case. The first is a conversation between Franziska and  MvK,

Franziska: Papa! You’ll come and watch my courtroom debut next, won’t you?

Manfred: Hmm… I’ll consider it.[7]

This conversation is rather innocuous, though it shows that MvK can be dismissive of his children at times. The more damning line is the second one which Wendy includes, where MvK says to Edgeworth, “A worthless person like you has no right to claim such a thing as perfection!”[8] This is one of many examples of MvK expecting nothing but perfection from both of his children. An expectation of perfection leads to Franziska and Edgeworth doubting themselves, and feeling worthless.[9] MvK places high importance on perfection, leading to his care for his children being conditional, reliant on their ability to be perfect.[10] Among other things, instilling self-doubt and worthlessness, and making acceptance or care conditional are signs that someone is being emotionally abusive.[11]

MvK is shown in various media to have a constant need for perfection and control of everything around him. in Ace Attorney Investigations, he manipulates aspects of cases so that he is guaranteed to win,[12] something he also does in “Turnabout Goodbyes.” It is completely reasonable that, when his own protégé does not display this inhuman perfection, he would be upset and lash out, as he does in the above example. Wendy notes that the word used in the original exchange, 半人前, does not translate to “worthless,” but instead to “an amateur / someone without experience.”[13] This, of course, is much more accurate to the context of their situation, but stating that the translation must have been made in bad faith is besides the point. There is no reason that MvK should be putting such high expectations for perfection on someone who, in real life, would not even have finished college yet. While it does not hold much weight as evidence for my own argument, it holds very little weight for their argument as well. However, it is important to cover this exchange, as they believe it is the only evidence a so-called “Fanfred” might be able to find indicating an abusive characterization.

Wendy continues on by listing the many ways in the anime that MvK is shown to be a good father. While they can be seen as evidence that he is not abusive, abusers can be nice to their victims, for a myriad of reasons. This can be done for any number of reasons, including: Bolstering the abusers image to the victim or outsiders, or to convince themselves they are a good person; As a manipulation tactic; And because the abuser is in the recovery phase of the abuse cycle.[14] I am going to focus on the former of these two reasons, as they are more likely in the von Karma situation. 

The most striking of the initial examples from the anime is Edgeworth’s statement that “he considers [MvK] the only person who was there for him after his father died.”[15] While this can seem like a positive thing, it is important to note that MvK very clearly isolated Edgeworth from his friends by moving him out of his house, away from his friends (who are not provided with any information as to why he’s gone). Social isolation is a tactic of abuse, used to tether a victim to their abuser so that they are more reliant on them.[16] The next examples of MvK complying with Franziska’s demands in an effort to make Edgeworth smile after he first moves in with them could be an example of him wanting to cheer Edgeworth up after the death of his father (who, I will remind you, was killed by MvK). However, this could have underlying motives, where MvK wants Edgeworth to open up to him, so that he might have more control over him. By killing Gregory Edgeworth, and raising his son to be as ruthless as himself, MvK takes care of the “curse” that he believes the Edgeworths to be.[17]

In the anime, MvK reacts rather calmly to Edgeworth’s first ever defeat during “Turnabout Samurai.” Wendy states that he seems “perplexed,” but is not in any way “cruel and unusual” what he says during that conversation.[18] Taken out of the context of MvK’s behavior, this is plausible. However, over the 15 years that he raised Edgeworth, he emphasized perfection over all else. Edgeworth’s reaction to losing is so negative because of MvK’s influences on his ideas of self-worth. In the conversation, MvK also advises Edgeworth to not have feelings, invalidating any feelings that Edgeworth might have about the cases he works on, feelings which can be necessary in determining the truth.

I agree with Wendy that MvK is, as they put it “a despicable fucking human being.”[19] In “Turnabout Goodbyes” alone, he:

Commits aggravated assault, including assault against a minor

Steals and tampers with evidence

Engages in conspiracy to commit murder, and is shown to have committed murder himself

Frames two people for murders that he was involved in

Due to his propensity for physical violence, it is no stretch to assume that he is physically violent with his own family members.[20] Even if he is not physically abusive, it has been shown time and time again that he emotionally abuses his children, and even despite that they look up to him. It is not uncommon for an abuse victim to love or care for their abuser. This can lead to blaming oneself for the abuse, and normalizing the abuse that is happening.[21] The reactions that Wendy wants to see in fics are plausible reactions for abusive victims to have when their abuser dies. It is possible for someone to understand they are being abused and yet still love the person doing the abusing.

Now, the lead poisoning business. Yes, it is possible for someone to get lead posioning from a bullet wound.[22] This is a plausible excuse for MvK’s behavior in later years, however, his tendency towards manipulation and hyper-control are present in “The Inherited Turnabout,” before he’s shot.[23] While lead poisoning does cause irritability, it also causes memory difficulties,[24] something that would hinder MvK’s ability to write his detailed plan for payback which he sends to Yanni Yogi.[25] This removes any plausible deniability for MvK in the murder of Robert Hammond – he very clearly knew what he was doing, and knew the consequences, which is why he tried to frame Edgeworth and Yogi. In a real court of law, he would be competent to stand trial for his crimes.

In conclusion, while he is not explicitly shown to physically abuse his children, Manfred von Karma canonically emotionally abuses his children, forcing them to adhere to his strict sense of perfection and morality. When both Franziska and Edgeworth fail to live up to his impossible standards, they doubt their own abilities and self-worth. Excusing this behavior in any person could lead to people not realizing that they’re being abused, and therefore having more difficulty getting out of abusive situations. It’s alright to like MvK as a character, but deliberately overlooking his abusive tendencies is to overlook a major part of his character, and his relationship with Edgeworth and Franziska.

"I'm Going to Change Your Mind About Manfred Von Karma"

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ april and may 2023

i didn't do one last month so we get a double feature today!

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 6 214 in april; 9 425 in may

projects worked on: once again only wrote for Andromeda Rogue but did a lot of plotting and planning for The Gemini Heist

proudest accomplishment: i've resisted chucking everything i've ever written into a shredder

books read in both april and may: A Rival Most Vial be @ashen-crest; Planetfall by Emma Newman, and Rogue Protocol (Murderbot Diaries #3) by Martha Wells

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

i went super hard in the beginning of april, burned out majorly for several weeks, then went hard again in the last 2 or so weeks. april ended in the middle of my burnout so that's why i didn't have an update last month. it just didn't seem worth it.

i'm also trying to make a soft return to writeblr! it's not working.

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft 2)

this might be a stretch but the 2 year (2 year?????!?!?!!) anniversary of me finishing the first draft of AR1 is coming up on June 13th... so wouldn't it be grand if i finished the second draft by then? a guy can dream.

right now this draft is sitting at nearly 73K, which means i've almost reached the wc of draft one. and i still have a few more chapters to go!

unfortunately i've also left all the Hard Parts up until now becuase i love to make myself suffer!!!! pray for me y'all.

☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (planning, i guess?)

well the good news is that i actually have the skeleton of an outline! i have 7 acts and a vague idea of what happens in each of them!

the bad news is i can't seem to get myself to actually write any of it! all i've been doing is anything EXCEPT writing. backstory developing, worldbuilding, creating menial lore... but not a single word added to my draft. when will my suffering end.

i did post a fun drawing + worldbuilding thing tho, if you missed it!

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

i'm pretty sure i posted this excerpt from AR already a loooong time ago... but it's gotten a small upgrade ever since. you see, back when i first wrote it, i didn't know how long the gang's trip would take. but then i developed a standardized formula to calculate travel time and just happened to end up with the funniest possible result... which lead to this.

Valyan, meanwhile, plopped themself into the co-pilot’s chair. 

“How long have you been able to do that?” they asked, eyes sparkling. “Why don’t your powers look like the Hepplings' from the Order of the Vine? Is it just the healing thing you can do, or can you do other things? Like use the plants as a lasso, or—”

“Look, kid,” Finneas interrupted, “here’s the deal. If you leave me alone for a few hours, I’ll answer every question you have about my… powers. Okay?”

Valyan narrowed their eyes. “How many hours is ‘a few’?”

“Um… seventy?”

“Nice try. That’s about how long it’ll take us to get back to Sayntagnesia. And it’s actually sixty-nine hours.” They grinned. “Nice.”

Of course that would be the one fact they’d remember. “You got me. How about six?”

“Deal.”

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.

general taglist:

@nicola-write @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation@chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre

andromeda trilogy taglist:

@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasy @chaylattes @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriter @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawrites @cynic-and-chief @enchanted-lightning-aes @aesa @outpost51

gemini heist taglist:

@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @onomatopiya @outpost51

[buzzybee26]

Thor Pirate Software's coverage of the Stop Killing Games Initiative has been deeply frustrating to me because one of the main points he's been getting on their ass about is being vague, but there are several times that he has been incredibly vague about the information he's used to draw the conclusions he's presented and where he got that information from.

The example of this that I'm going to use is in his first video when he talks about The Crew.*1 There's a bit where he claims that the game was always marketed as online only, and the only source he cites for this is legitimately "everything I've found online." I'm not saying this is false, but I have so little information on why he thinks the game was only ever marketed as online only that I can't say it's true with 100% confidence, especially with the knowledge that the crew had a story campaign that could be played entirely in single player*2. Not a perfect comparison, but the majority of Splatoon 1's marketing, at least from trailers, was based around its multiplayer (I'm not about to do the same thing I'm criticizing him for after getting on his ass about that, I do have some self awareness), and yet you can still play its single player campaign after the servers are dead. And I'm not saying the single player mode was ignored in the marketing, like I say it's not a perfect comparison to the claim he's making, but the vast majority of the marketing for this game was showing its multiplayer gameplay and features. This being the case, the vast majority of my playtime with that game as well as the rest of the series has been single player. Just because a game is marketed based on its multiplayer content, that doesn't mean people won't only play it for its single player content or that the single player content can't be a major selling point and he didn't go through any effort to show that this wasn't the case for The Crew. Show some trailers, a screenshot of the game's storefront page from when it was being sold, anything more specific that "Everything I've found."

And if we want to talk about being vague, how about deleting 2 weeks worth of stream content, including all the VODs in which he talked about the initiative. I would say deleting multiple hours of your coverage of a topic is not the best way to keep the specific details of your argument in tact. I simply refuse to believe that he managed to fit all of his opinions and takes about the initiative into 23 minutes and 9 seconds and I'm not going to hunt for clips on tiktok, youtube or twitter just for the sake of understanding the perspective of someone who doesn't know I exist. If he wanted his perspective to be understood, he would consistently show clearly and specifically what information he uses to come to his conclusions and where he got that information from.

I have a lot more thoughts, but I am wayy too tired to get them down now so I'll cut this off here. TLDR: put the bare minimum effort to show where you're getting your information from, jesus christ.

*1 There used to be a bit where I said The Crew's Wikipedia page was the only source he used for information about the game. This is false, he also used cites Steam's active player count tracker to show that the game had a large drop in players when The Crew 2 came out. This is the kind of thing I'm talking about and I wish he was more consistent about showing information like this. He also shows the release dates of the sequels that the Crew received, but I don't count this showing sources for information about The Crew 1 and I forgot about him showing the player tracker when I was writing this initially

*2 I realised I did the thing here, This Steam discussion post and this Reddit post contain people discussing the single player campaign, which is how I know about it. Cite your fucking sources, me. Also, The Crew's Steam Page lists the ability to "fly solo" as a key feature of the game, as well as boasting a 30 hour+ story campaign in the Content section. Most of it is focused on multiplayer, but to say the game was only marketed as online only isn't even true.

[stereax]

NICOJACK. every interraction they had. why are they so gay omg. they totally deserve one!! if you wanna ofc

oh my god I just got a cold sweat at the idea of cataloguing every single time those two have fucking BREATHED around each other. (because that's what you're asking me to write! a literal three year primer report of 15000 words of Why These Two Are Obsessed With Each Other.) I should probably do this at some point, honestly, but I'm not feeling up to it that much right now, and I don't really have the time at the moment to trawl through Tumblr, Twitter, and Discord and catalogue and source everything, because that requires extensive computer hours that I'm not really allowed stateside. I do want to, don't get me wrong, but maybe in a week or three when I can sit down for a whole day and dedicate myself to banging it out.

...that and also when this current mental haze clears up. not doing too great right now - I've been in a bit of a tailspin since (honestly) last like, October or November, and it got really bad last semester (spring '23) to the point where I'm genuinely surprised I made it out in one piece. now that I'm back in America, a lot of burdens have been lifted off me, but there are a lot of new burdens in their places, not least of which is the fact that I can't really dictate my own schedule any longer and I'm kind of running on the whims of my parents, which, once again, makes a prolonged effort like a ship primer tough. a lot of my stereanalyses are written and posted between 12-4 am for this reason - when my parents are asleep, I can type on my phone and write posts that way. (for the sideblog, I usually write posts for that in tiny spurts during the day and then schedule it for the midnight releases.)

I bill myself as generally a more analytic Tumblr presence because that's what I love to do - crunch numbers, offer statistics, and dissect things such as cap situations, salaries, line deployments, prospect development, and so on and so forth. that's the type of thing I can write a 2 AM stereanalysis on, hit post, and not feel like I've missed anything.

I do, however, adore my narratives as well. I have at least half a dozen fiction pieces and projects in varying stages of completeness and I keep building more ideas for myself without actually taking (or finding) the time to write them out. that... also stresses me out tbh, because I love to write and share that writing, but I suffer severely when I can't knock it all out in one sitting. that's why I made the sideblog in the first place - to motivate myself to write, and to write in a sustained manner. that's why I generally write my stereanalyses in one long take at night, when I can't be interrupted and my train of thought can see my ideas through.

ah, beans, and now I've written too much personal griping on a lighthearted ask. my apologies, truly. I don't want to overload this blog with my personal problems hahaha.

tl;dr not right now but I do want to do this so drop into my inbox again in a few weeks and I'll work on it then? :')

[1800titz]

I looooove all your patreon stories and you come up with such creative tropes and plots. But there’s so many and they only have one or two parts each. Would it be possible to like… write ahead and somehow keep feeding us so we’ll but also move the stories forward?

Hi SO the stories are moving forward, they’re on rotation and get interspersed with blurbs and requests :) The last to be updated was Trivia on the 7th of July, and that one has been ongoing since May. They’re not full length series the way that TDIAG was, so there’s not nearly as many updates to look forward to per trope. Trivia, for example, only has about 2-3 parts left, if that.

With peace and love, this ask came off a tiny bit like anon maybe doesn’t fully understand the effort that has gone into consistently updating twice a week, so I just wanna clarify a little bit here. Every writer writes at a different pace, but what may come out to like 3K for a reader and get consumed in the span of 45 minutes actually takes me days to complete, and I write every single day to some extent (most days for several, several hours, even on days when I work, I feel sick, etc— I’ve actually had to raincheck plans with friends and date nights so that I could keep writing) to get two posts out every week. I wish I had this super power of being able to sit down at a doc and just crank some masterpiece out in the span of a few hours, but that’s just not how my brain works. There would be no chance for me to get ahead unless I took time off, which I am kind of unable to do because patreon has been supplementing my income quite a bit the last couple of months (thank you guys! When I say you all are allowing me to create more, you quite literally are, because I can take days off of my shitty job to focus on this and still be able to pay bills!). Don’t get me wrong— I love doing this. I am not complaining by any means— just clarifying, because I felt like it was needed. If I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I would stop doing it. I was really worried, initially, to start a patreon because I’ve found that when I take a hobby and turn it into a job, the burn out is so intense, and it’s just no fun anymore. That hasn’t happened, and to be doing this for almost 3 months and not have that icky, ugh I don’t wanna do this anymore feeling says a lot! I love writing on patreon for you guys, I love that so many people are enjoying my content, and I love that so many of you have been so eager to support me! It really, really means more than I can put into words.

That being said, it is a lot of work, and there is absolutely no way for me to get anywhere ahead at this point in time. Also, there’s just no way for my brain to consistently write and keep pumping out one trope without going, this is too much and abandoning it altogether, which is why I have to keep multiple things running at the same time (as most patreon creators do, from the creators I’ve subbed to, tropes get updated around once a month).

I’m just a little confused anon, were you asking for two posts a week + more? Either way, thank you so much for subscribing, but if the way I post doesn’t work work for you, I absolutely won’t be offended if you decide that it’s not for you and just choose to read from another creator.

[squarebracket-trickster]

Yes, this has happened to me several times too. I didn't even realize this happens to others - so thanks, OP, this made me realize that it shouldn't be this way.

Also, sorry OP, I'm about to ramble...

Them: Oh! You're writing a WIP about [thing]? Me too! Tell me about yours and I will tell you about mine! Me: Yeah, my WIP is about a [main character] who [has a problem]. [This] happens. [This also] happens. [Other media] was my inspiration. But my favourite part is the [feature]. What about you? Them: So, the first scene starts with [describes the whole scene], and then [thing] happens - but to understand [thing] you need to know [150 words worth of backstory] - and [thing] is important because later it will come up again when [plot point]. The main character is [physical description, socio-economic status, family, backstory, activity they are doing when we meet them, motivation, fatal flaw, entire character arc summarized in 100 words] and then they meet this other character who [same deal]. That's when they discover [inciting incident] and then [this other thing] happens that makes it even more complicated. The villain is [same deal again] but actually [50 words worth of explaining why the villain arc is thematically important]. So then [this thing] happens, and then [this thing also] happens, and then [more plot], and then [MORE PLOT], and finally [climatic moment] happens and then [third act breakdown] but then the characters realize that [moment of clarity] and there's this plot twist - oh! but you can't understand the twist without knowing [this other information that I'll take 75 words to explain.] And then the story ends with [takes 200 words to explain every resolution to every single story thread] but for the sequel I was thinking... By this point I am literally doing something else and just checking back on my DMs every ten minutes, because that is how long it takes them to type each message. [Two hours later] Them: so what did you think? Me: I liked [thing]. I think it is a really unique idea and I like how it [does this thing]. Them: Give me more! Tell me everything you liked! I want ALL THE FEEDBACK!! [This is not an exaggeration of how these texts go by the way. They use cap locks. This has happened to me twice.] Me: [gives detailed, but positive, feedback - even though I am annoyed because that is a huge demand on my mental energy which they have already drained by talking my ear off]. So, in my WIP one thing that I am really excited about is-- Them, before I am even done texting: That's cool! But oh yeah! and another thing I should tell you about my story:

And it just goes on and on and on...

And frankly, it feels entitled and inconsiderate and I lose respect for the people that do it.

After that, I am very careful with any interaction I have with them. I try not to give them any chance to start talking about their WIPs because I know they won't stop for hours, and worse, they will demand feedback I am not prepared to give.

Even worse is when they practically beg for criticism. And well... this person can't even have a respectful conversation, how the fuck are they going to react to criticism? So I just tell them I can't think of anything and it all sounds good, and then I feel bad because, actually, it doesn't all sound good, and they are acting so entitled I wish I was confrontational enough to knock them down a peg.

The TL;DR is, they lose "talking with Square about WIPs" privileges for good. They want to talk about their WIPs so bad, now there is one less person they can do that with.

To be honest, I found that making posts about my WIP where I could just talk and send it out to the void was the only way for me to actually be able to talk without getting drowned out.

Then my moots and followers can choose which of my rambles they interact with - with the expectation that this is my blog, here we are talking about my WIP, if you don't want to talk about my WIP don't comment. Sometimes we'll get a conversation going in the reblogs (and those have been some of my favourite interactions on here).

It's not the same as a text conversation, I know. But it has served me well as a way to set boundaries. Really, I wish I could find more writeblrs that do it my way because then I could interact on my terms, when I have energy, when I actually have something to say, and I could be surrounded by people passionately rambling all over my dash.

The problem with internet writer culture

Tell us about your wip!

But don't advertise, ads are bad and we don't like being advertised to.

Oh but tell us about the wip!

*gives thirty second summary*

Oh that's a nice wip, mine is *gives thirty minute lecture on characters, plot twists, and origins*

Oh sorry, I thought your wip was nice. What did you think of mine?

*gives detailed and sincere compliments about what I thought of it*

I'm glad! Yours was cool, but oh! In mine *another thirty minute lecture*

...

......

.......... Is this what passes for interaction these days or am I just unlucky? I've found like TWO people, maybe three, who will have an actual conversation with me about wips.

With everyone else it's like I'm expected to keep it short, sweet, and to the point, unless I'm reacting to theirs, and if I return the favor and gush at length about mine, they disappear or never react.

And it's a very real problem.

Because it's not just impacting me.

It's impacting a LOT of people. Because everyone wants to talk about their wip but nobody wants to listen to anyone else's, so there's so many writers that put on a veneer of "I care!" And they pretend to listen or maybe they read a little or skim, but they don't absorb it.

And then, because you've talked about your work, they now have license to talk about theirs, and they won't stop until either you stop them or make it obvious you're not listening.

But we don't do that, do we?

We do care. We want to encourage. We want to support. So we try. But then they don't return that favor. They don't actually care, but they know you want to, and you'll try to, so they'll milk that until your patience runs out.

Then what?

Then they look for the next kind heart that will sit quietly and listen.

And it's a problem.

Because we all want to be heard. But that doesn't give us the right to overpower another person in conversation just to force the other person to hear us, at the cost of their enjoyment of the interaction.