#so in the end I had to order second-hand versions from overseas and then the first package got lost and I had to order again and then

[secretsimpleness]

(pitch voice) Do you like character-driven fantasy with bittersweet romance? Well, then the Shattered Kingdoms trilogy might be something for you! (pitch end) Jachad, Lahlil / The Shattered Kingdoms (c) Evie Manieri

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Hello, Oldie Chinese Diaspora Anon™️ here again to add in my two cents. This time it’s about Chinese indie doll makers refusing to work with anyone outside of China. A lot of great points have been raised here: https://the-bjd-community-confess.tumblr.com/post/702732098587459584/re-b3doll-other-chinese-shops-they-dont-like but I would like to just add in a little bit more. To round- out the picture if you will.

What most folks don’t fully realise is that China is essentially a closed (and closely-monitored) socio-financial system. The concept of “Free trade” is somewhat tenuous at best. And this shows up in internal commerce and the existence of a “Social credit” system (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_Credit_System). Part of the social credit system is intimately tied to your financial history, and this is monitored through your public transactions. I hope I am not stepping out of line to say most folks have seen “Ali-Pay” as a payment option cropping up in many commercial places. I’ve explained it off as a Chinese version of PayPal, but that’s an understatement. In order to apply for an Ali-Pay account, you have to prove that you have a Chinese bank account that can be verified. While it might be easy to own a bank account in many countries (even if you are not a citizen of said country), it’s not the same in China. Yet, Ali-pay is so ubiquitous in the country that they have largely supplanted credit cards to become the most utilized form of payment. It’s better utilized than cash. And that’s saying something.

From what I have been told as a first-hand account, foreign travellers find it hard to pay for literally anything when off the beaten path. When not buying souvenirs or high-end items from tourist-traps, the simple transaction of buying street food can be difficult without an Ali-Pay account. But it’s nigh impossible for non-citizens to get one. The local friend had to pay for everything with the tourist paying them back in cash. (Note: This is pre-pandemic. Internal control has been getting worse since then.)

When one exists in a system like this, every transaction can (and is) monitored. Someone can track where the money is going, whether it’s foreign or domestic, and if there is anything that’s suspicious with the purchase. This has also fostered a system where people are highly aversive to cancelled orders (even for in-stock and second-hand items), as well as less-than-stellar feedback. Their “small claims” department of the police will take any complaints over $2500RMB ($330 USD) and it’s highly responsive to settle any dispute quickly. It means people who exist in this system are highly reluctant to work with anyone outside of the system. Foreigners literally have no credit (social or financial) within the system and therefore cannot be trusted. Even the money that’s wired in cannot be guaranteed – banks are unreliable sometimes, after all (https://www.npr.org/2022/07/25/1113528088/in-china-the-banking-scandal-is-causing-some-to-lose-faith-in-the-communist-part) is only about the most recent 2022 failure. There have been many failures before that.)

Seeing new Ali-pay symbols popping up everywhere scares me, honestly. It means the system of distrusting foreigners who are “without credit” is spreading outside of the country itself.

But that’s just the financial transaction, the harder part is shipping. FedEx and DHL don’t work very well in China. You are reliant on China Post (which… honestly, isn’t awful) but domestically, they are reliant on a logistics system that acts like a more efficient version of Amazon delivery. It’s cheap and reliable and you can choose to pay when the item arrives at your door instead of at time of purchase (which has its pros and cons and can also be exploited as well.) Larger companies that have been registered to deal with overseas customers usually have a contract with a logistics company that can ship abroad. But most independent artists do not. Take this, for example: https://www.facebook.com/163904020739383/posts/finally-were-able-to-provide-a-concrete-update-on-the-arc-doll-zilang-adult-ver-/1186736598456115/

Add the language barrier to this whole mix, you can see why most indie Chinese studios would rather give up your business. They put up the disclaimer up top to let you know that they literally do not want your money because of … well, it’s really not worth the trouble. If you are interested in any specific doll from a Chinese indie artist, I would still highly recommend using a proxy. It’s important to look around for a good one, but please understand that sometimes their fees are reasonable, once again, for all of the reasons above. Please, be kind to your proxies.

~Anonymous

[amphtaminedreams]

Why Ethical Fashion Doesn’t Need to be Boring (In the Words of a Shopping Addict): Lookbook no.14

Hi to anyone reading,

Arghhhh.

I never know how to start posts when I literally just uploaded the other week because I tend to follow the very formulaic approach of summarising what I’ve missed due to sporadic posting…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still posting sporadically, it just so happens I’ve had more content to get up recently-sometimes lightning strikes twice, ya know, and I have a brief, if chemically fuelled, reprieve from the permanent state of exhaustion. It’s not like there isn’t stuff to talk about- the last month has seen a horrific murder and public outcry in response. There are a lot of important conversations going on about women’s safety and misogynistic violence that I really cannot do justice to in a paragraph and feelings that have been brewing for a long time that I can’t articulate yet and will not attempt to offhandedly do so in this post. Right now I just wanna say that I stand in solidarity with all those with histories of experiencing violence at the hands of men, those who aren’t here with us anymore as a result of that violence such as Sarah Everard, and those marginalised women whose stories don’t make national news. It’s very telling the way Sarah’s vigil was responded to by the same police force that have allowed mostly male anti-mask protests to go ahead with protestors unscathed, and solidarity with the women who were treated with such an unjustifiable amount of force at the vigil too.

That being said, women’s rights are something I wanted to talk about in this post, with regards to the way it ties into ethical fashion. None of us are perfect and it’s easy living in a first world country to detach yourself from the issues stemming from fast fashion, especially when you don’t have the time or money yourself to be selective about where you buy from. Don’t get me wrong, I do treat myself to some new clothes from fast fashion companies like ASOS and Urban Outfitters a few times a year so this is NOT coming from a place of preaching, but I have drastically reduced that to buying about 90% of my new clothes either second hand from Depop or charity shops or clothing stores that are upfront about their outsourcing practices. I love putting outfits together and updating my wardrobe and I don’t want to abandon that as a medium of self-expression because it does bring me joy, but to continue to update my wardrobe with the frequency I do by buying from fast fashion retailers on such a regular basis I accepted was going against the things I care about; around 80% of textile workers on poverty wages in developing countries are girls and women (opensocietyfoundations.org), and whilst fast fashion companies in the West continue to outsource manufacturing to said countries to cut costs and there is little regulation enforcing employers to pay women the same amount as men or even adhere to a minimum wage, they will continue to be forced into these roles where they are subjected to horrific working conditions, impossible production targets and frequent abuse (according to an article published in the Guardian in June 2018, 540 incidences of abuse, often of a sexual nature, were reported by women working in factories supplying the retailers GAP and H&M when they were interviewed on the subject). There is no denying that the fast fashion industry depends on and perpetuates the subjugation of women and systematically prevents them from making steps towards gender equality in their countries, be it through greater financial independence or the freedom to pursue higher education; the popular current practice by western fast fashion companies of outsourcing manufacturing to factories unhindered by workers rights and gender equality laws by association condones the sexual and physical violence that occurs as a means of punishment for not meeting targets, the exploitative pay which affords women little independence from husbands and families dominated by patriarchal values, and the long, exhausting hours which women have little choice but to take in order to avoid their contracts being terminated and to put food on the table. No, one individual completely abandoning fast fashion isn’t going to put an end to these unethical practices but if all of us make a conscious effort to reduce our consumption at least a little and make it clear why we’re doing so, we put greater pressure on fast fashion companies to act in a more responsible way. There isn’t going to be any kind of miraculous change of heart, so to force them to change we have to hit the industry and the people at the top who benefit from such practices where it really hurts: their profit.

SO, for this post I thought I would highlight some of my favourite more ethical online clothing companies to buy from; the more popular these more socially responsible brands become, the more apparent it becomes to fast fashion companies relying on an exploitative business model that how they treat their workers is of growing importance to consumers. It’s all very well and good Missguided and PLT talking about empowering women and making “girl boss” slogan tees but we need to make it clear that we’re aware of the hollowness of the gesture, and that we want less hypocritical talk and more action to actually enhance the lives of the women that work for them, not just the ones they show in their flashy offices on TV. I’ve included my favourite Depop shops too, because if you can shop second hand, that’s even better; though I like to treat myself to new clothes now and again, I’m aware that the impact the manufacturing process in general, whether or not the company acts in an ethical way with regards to their employment practices, has on the environment is more often than not detrimental. Depop has really been my saving grace this past year-if you know what you’re looking for and have the time and patience, you can find so many gems, and at this point the balance of my wardrobe is tipped firmly in the favour of the reuse and recycle approach to shopping. In the vein of reusing fashion, I thought I’d also include a mini lookbook for a cardigan I got from one of my favourite online retailers, The Ragged Priest, just as a reminder that 1). The best way to be sustainable is to rewear and 2). That with tweaks, one piece alone can give you multiple completely different outfits. Like honestly, outfit repeating doesn’t have to be a literal repeat. Sometimes it’s worth spending a little bit extra on something that looks good with everything, and making that investment into your ability to fool people that you’ve got your shit together by wearing something cool as fuck.

Quickly before I get into it, I’m aware that some ethical companies are a bit out of the average consumer’s price range, and so I wanted to sort them into price point categories which will work as follows:

£= most of their stock is £40 & under ££= most of their stock is between £40-£100 £££= most of their stock costs upwards of £100

Now, in no particular order (and starting with online retailers before moving onto Depop shops), here’s the list!

1. THE RAGGED PRIEST

PRICE POINT: ££

Using recycled fabric to construct their pieces where possible and releasing clothing in small drops designed to sell out rather than following the typical fast fashion model of outsourcing the production of vast amounts of clothing overseas, the Ragged Priest is my absolute favourite clothing brand out there. It’s *semi* affordable and because they are all about those bold, in your face, your-grandma-will-probs-think-it’s-ugly kinda pieces, just one can do SO much for your wardrobe.

I recently bought this cardigan from their The Simple Life drop and had so many outfit ideas for it that I thought I’d put a few of them together for this post just as an example of how you can take the same piece over and over again and still make it interesting, even when you don’t feel like straying too far from your personal style preferences. While we’re at it, I also wanted to use this mini lookbook to point out how fucking great Depop is! Literally everything in these outfits is from there apart from the shoes and the jewellery, the leather blazer on the right I bought a few years ago and then the top and skirt in the outfit from the far left which are both from Ebay. The shoes with that outfit are from Koi Vegan footwear-I didn’t include them in this list because I wanted to keep it consistent and focus on ethical clothing companies rather than retailers that focus on one specific thing such as shoes or jewellery, but they are my favourite place to buy shoes from and focus closely on ethical production too so definitely recommend.

2. MINGA LONDON

PRICE POINT: ££

Towards the lower end of the ££ price point, Minga is probably the closest you’re gonna get to an ethical version of the Dolls Kill Deliah’s range. Their focus on being a socially responsible business is a huge part of their ethos and their pieces are put together in Portugal, where they're based, by a small in-house team; the majority of their fabric is sourced from local Portuguese businesses and even more amazingly, they recycle the fabric of the pieces they don’t sell in new designs. They are just a generally amazing company and I wish more people knew about them because their pieces are fucking adorable and wouldn’t be out of place (or overpriced) in your local UO.

3. ELSIE & FRED

PRICE POINT: £

A small, black owned business set up by 3 siblings from Coventry, Elsie & Fred have earned themselves a reputation as a staple provider of the festival season wardrobe. Being an independently owned business, they have strict standards that their manufacturers must adhere to and a close working relationship with the owners of the two factories who oversee production in Guangzhou, China, to ensure fair wages and a safe working environment. On the environmental side of things, Elsie and Fred are working to incorporate recycled fabric into their designs as much as possible and have this year introduced compostable mailing bags.

4. HOUSE OF SUNNY

PRICE POINT: £££

Follow enough British instagram fashion influencers and you are bound to have heard of House of Sunny in 2020-snagging what is probably my all time favourite coat from there in 2019 before all the hype is a humble brag I will allow myself on the basis that I haven’t been able to afford anything since, lol. Along with kooky, one of a kind designs, being decidedly anti-fast fashion is a huge part of their branding; HoS only drop 2 collections of limited stock a year, thoroughly screen suppliers and on their website you can find a tonne of information on how they’re working to offset their environmental impact too. If you can treat yourself to a piece from there at any point, the quality of the garments truly make the price point worth it.

5. JADED LONDON

PRICE POINT: ££

Similarly to The Ragged Priest and House of Sunny, Jaded London go the route of dropping limited collections on a less frequent basis intending to sell out (particularly popular pieces are occasionally restocked) rather than needlessly manufacturing vast quantities of garments to flog for whatever they can get and cutting corners with fair employment practices to offset any losses. By employing independent staff in the manufacturing plants with which they liaise to ensure fair, dignified working conditions and also by working closely with charities such as the Trussel Trust and Stand Up to Racism, Jaded London demonstrates a level of commitment to corporate responsibility that set them apart from a lot of similar online retailers. They are at the top of their game when it comes to daring and experimental yet wearable pieces and so it’s cool that they recognise the need to conduct their business in a considerate way too.

6. THE HIPPIE SHAKE

PRICE POINT: ££

Owned by UK based bohemian queen Naomi Hession, the Hippie Shake is not only a great small independent business to support but is also the definition of slow fashion. With a limited number of opulent 70s style pieces, I have always wanted to purchase something from here. I’ve yet to do so but I’m gonna make it my mission eventually.

7. VINTAGE HEARTS

PRICE POINT: £

An affordable, gorgeous array of quirky handpicked vintage pieces that would probably take you forever to find in a charity shop or that you’d be charged a small fortune for if you found it in a high street second hand store, Vintage Hearts is where you should go if you want a timeless statement piece that may have otherwise ended up in a landfill. The added benefit of vintage clothing is that it is, by its nature, great for the environment, but you can also look fab and groovy as fuck as you do your bit for the planet<3

8. WE ARE COW

PRICE POINT: £

Offering both original vintage pieces and reworked pieces using recycled fabrics, We Are Cow has both basic branded second hand items but also handmade streetwear style original designs all for a fair price. You can tell that it’s all high quality stuff consistent with their modern, functional aesthetic and it’s clear that the team behind the shop has a real vision in mind when they’re designing. 

9. OUT OF THE ORDINARY CLOTHING

PRICE POINT: £

In the words of Corrie Davis, founder of OOTO "I start with the belief that fashion will be always be worn differently by the individual that wears it. Every collection from Out of the Ordinary is different to the last but undeniably Out of the Ordinary. I champion flamboyancy and embrace the cultures I've experienced around the world, merging the two and creating popular style trends in exciting textiles, prints and techniques to bring to you something a little Out of the Ordinary." That pretty much sums up the vibrancy, vivacity and bold elegance of the brand’s aesthetic perfectly, which is reflected by Davis’ commitment to ethical manufacturing based on relationships forged between the founders and family artisans and the sourcing of fabrics from textile markets around the world. Everything you need for a boujie summer holiday in the Mediterranean-when leaving the country is finally allowed again, lol, EVERYBODY GET YOUR FUCKING VACCINE-is here.

10. WILD THING

PRICE POINT: ranges from £-£££ depending on the brand

Probs the closest thing you’ll get to an ethical ASOS, Wild Thing brings together a host of sustainable and independent clothing brands and puts them all in one place to present to us all a collection of the sickest festival style fashion out there. Whilst it’s super cool that this already exists and a slice of humble pie for myself to remind me that I am not in fact the revolutionary marketing genius I thought I was, I’m bummed to know that my idea of said ethical ASOS style website is already out there. Fingers crossed for the next grand money making scheme that comes to mind that I can use to distribute some wealth (yeah, there probably won’t be any because very few original thoughts enter my head, clearly, tehe) xoxo

11. SHOPFLUFFY

PRICE POINT: ££

I know it’s 2021 and we all kind hate the idea of girl boss feminism and the connotations of privilege and exploitation that come with it but can we bring it back when we’re talking about women who embody what it was actually all supposed to be about? Because the owner of ShopFluffy, @lulutrixabelle embodies everything good about the term. Somebody who genuinely does (cue Ramona singer voice here) empower other women through her celebration of powerful female friendship and free spirited sense of personal style that should inspire every one of us to wear whatever the fuck we want (clashing patterns and over-accessorising be damned), Lulu handmakes all the designs on her site and very much places an emphasis on slow fashion by releasing only a few collections a year which you can clearly tell a lot of painstaking effort and talent went into. ShopFluffy is on the pricier side but the adorable crocheted coords LuLu specialises in, reminiscent of carefree childhood days and picnics in meadows picturesque enough to be the backdrop of a Jacquemus runway presentation, are a bold and beautiful expression of playful femininity worthy of departing with a bit more than you’d usually spend. After all, if you are gonna spend that money on a piece of clothing, supporting an ethical, independent woman owned business clearly built on carefully honed skill, passion and authenticity is the way to go.

12. SHOPEASYTIGER

PRICE POINT: ££

It feels correct to follow up the ShopFluffy mention with ShopEasyTiger given the friendship between the former’s owner with Tigerlilly Winfield (is that not the most wonderfully storybook character sounding name of all time?), owner of Easy Tiger. Up there with my most revered style icons, Tigerlilly’s designs are as flamboyant and glamorous and daring and dramatic as her own personal style, and again, they are ethically made! If you want to get that psychedelic rock n’roll groupie that’s actually way cooler than the band itself kinda energy too, her shop is the place to start.

13. HOTTTRAMP 

PRICE POINT: ££

Founded by the incredibly hot Belle_hott_tramp on Instagram, HottTramp is a collection of both handmade pieces and carefully selected vintage finds that blur the lines between 90s Courtney Love style grunge and 70s summer of love hippy that make me want to start my own all girl rock band and hire a camper van to paint black and road trip through the American desert. Given my complete lack of hand eye coordination, I’ll most likely never have the instrumental skills to do that but I never said it was a realistic fantasy, okay?

14. LAZY OAF

PRICE POINT: ££

Is it just me that always thought Lazy Oaf was within the same kind of price range as The Ragged Priest? Because it’s a lottt more expensive than I thought. That being said, if you’re going for a playful, toned down Molly Goddard kinda look, anything bright and youthful, Lazy Oaf’s clothes 100% fit that brief. You are paying more, but part of that markup is reflected in their transparency when it comes to their ethical code, which includes ensuring that statutory minimum wage laws are adhered to in the supply chain as well as that all workers are of the legal working age for their countries and that their working hours do not exceed the legal limit. They are also steadfastly committed to donating a portion of their profits to charities dedicated to improving mental wellbeing such as Mind, Rethink Mental Illness, and Young Minds, something that is hugely important to me given my own experiences and the line of work I want to go into.

15. NEVER FULLY DRESSED

PRICE POINT: ££

Similar in their aesthetic to Out of the Ordinary, Never Fully Dressed is big on colour, print, and elegance. They have both specially selected second hand pieces on offer and original designs too and the about us section of their website clearly states how passionate they are about their ethical manufacturing process, which takes place both here in the UK and in China.

16. TUNNEL VISION

PRICE POINT: ££

Offering the dreamiest, one of a kind vintage 90s pieces, Tunnel Vision could just as easily be a grunge girl band come the craft themed moodboard as it is an online retailer. If the 90s isn’t for you-I mean, I don’t wanna question anybody’s taste levels but…-they also have the option of shopping by era, which I think is a really cool feature I wish a lot of irl vintage shops would incorporate.

17.  LOVE TOO TRUE

PRICE POINT: £

Everything on Love Too True is fucking gorgeousss and it is no surprise that they manufacture their garments here in London because I feel their brand totally encompasses that stereotypical 90s East End punk vibe perfectly with a shit tonne of chunky boots and show stopping plaid pieces that makes my heart ache for a riot grrrl renaissance. Yes, when it comes to feminism’s place in mainstream culture, making sure the political goals and structural changes we’re aiming for are visible to all is by far the most important, but let’s have a resurgence of the grunge girl’s armour along with that and PLEASE let’s leave athleisure in the 2010s. No more Kardashian nude leggings, I beg (I AM being lighthearted, wear whatever you want! We’re not policing women’s clothes in this neck of the woods).

18. NINE LIVES BAZAAR

PRICE POINT: £££

Eurgh. Nine Lives Bazaar. I want it ALL. Their clothes give me all the Etro, Zimmerman, Torey Burch, modernised Stevie Nicks vibes on a slightly more realistic budget, though unfortunately for me said budget just isn’t realistic enough. You would think pieces being ethically produced is just a given when it comes to clothes within this price range but that’s not necessarily the case and Nine Lives Bazaar is one of the ones you can trust to actually be considerate of their employees needs when it comes to their approach to business. To anybody who can afford to shop here, I am insanely jealous. The rest of us, for now, can just browse the website n feel the fantasy, channel a Valentina level of delusion and pretend it’s just the import taxes from Australia that’s holding us back from making a purchase.

-DEPOP SHOPS-

1. @HOUSE_OF_EROTIQUE

PRICE POINT: ££

Everything handmade and latex and form fitting to make you the baddest bitch in the room, I’ve got myself a few pieces from this shop over the past couple of years. Customer service is a bit hit or miss and there’s been times when I’ve had to wait a while for my purchases to get to me but because they’re all one of a kind and custom made to fit, it’s worth it, and when they have messed up they were kind enough to add something to my order for free.

2. @SACREDHAWK

PRICE POINT: ££

If you picture raiding the wardrobe of a biker gang, snatching the Coachella bound suitcases of the Revolve ambassadors at Palm Springs airport, and then jumbling all those clothes together, that’s probably your best bet at getting an idea of Sacred Hawk’s aesthetic. Formerly an ASOS concession, the brand is now available on Depop and is a collection of the most lavish glam grunge pieces, all vintage or reworked vintage. Some things are a bit on the pricey side but I would say they are all priced fairly considering how unique and ornate a lot of the pieces are, and I reeeeally wanna be able to say I own something from there one day.

3. @IDENTITYPARTY

PRICE POINT: £££

I struggled with how to categorise this Depop shop in terms of price point because although there are some fairly low-priced pieces, the standouts are the vintage coats which are understandably a lot more expensive-if you want to fully immerse yourself in the Almost Famous Penny Lane fantasy, you’re gonna have to fork out a little bit.

4. @RETRO_RAIL

PRICE POINT: £££

Retro_rail is of a similar vein to IdentityParty, in that the standout pieces are the vintage coats which are usually upwards of £100-if you’re looking for one-of-a-kind statement outerwear to invest in, I can’t recommend this shop enough. If you’re like me and you’re looking for something more within the £ to ££ price range, Retro Rail is still worth a browse as inspiration for the kind of styles you might wanna try and find elsewhere on Depop.

5. @5THSEASON

PRICE POINT: £

Most of the quirky vintage pieces you’ll find on offer on this Depop shop are within the £25 to £40 price range and though you’ve got coats similar to those you’ll find on Identity Party and Retro Rail and they are sill slightly more than the tops and trousers and dresses on sale etc., they are more modestly priced than the other 2 listed.

6. @DREAMERSREBELS

PRICE POINT: £££

Another v pricey one, dreamersrebels specialises in the daintiest, most whimsical 60s style co-ords I’ve ever seen. Handmade upon purchase, which in turn guarantees little textile waste, you can find the kind of pieces you’d expect to see on a 21st century incarnation of Audrey Hepburn, all the soft pastels and timeless, retro silhouettes you could possibly wish for. I mean, wishing is pretty much all I can do rn but anyone with a near minimum wage retail job knows you need something to aspire to, lol. I managed to budget enough to treat myself to a Selkie dress so I’m manifesting that same level of self-discipline to get me a dreamersrebels piece next.

7. @AWKWARDPHASE

PRICE POINT: £

Very affordable vintage pieces that range from cutesy mid-century style dresses and coats to grungy 90s jackets, perfectly styled and presented too in a way that will have you wanting to order something for yourself to replicate that modern spin on old staples and give them a second life.

8. @EVIEHALLOWS

PRICE POINT: £

Another Depop shop where the clothes are styled so well, it’ll have you thinking you can make anything from a floral 1950s housewife style cardigan to a lycra jumpsuit look very intentionally on trend.

9. @JAHOOLI

PRICE POINT: £

There’s also Jahooli, which I will just say ticks all the same boxes as the other two aforementioned stores to avoid repeating myself.

10. @LOVELYANDLOVELESS 

PRICE POINT: £

In terms of price, I would put Lovely and Loveless into the same category as Jahooli, Awkward Phase and Evie Hallows, the difference being that the clothes available are more on the dainty, classically feminine side. People who have a Pinterest board dedicated to the cottagecore or light academia aesthetic (whew, the gen Z is showing), this one’s for you.

11. @CHLOESTJOHN

PRICE POINT: £

Finally, we have the ChloeStJohn Depop shop and it’s definitely a good one to end on; picture the wardrobe of Carrie Bradshaw if she’d lived in Camden instead of New York in the 90s and hung out with a slightly edgier crew than Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha and there you have it, the vibe of the pieces on offer. Does it belong to a girl who probs lives near Primrose Hill and has access to all the boujiest second hand clothes shops available which she most likely routinely raids to resell on Depop? Potentially, but hopefully not because I am very here for this whole red wine in one hand and a cigarette in another back when people were allowed to smoke inside bars aesthetic. I’m sorry that the gen Z part of me once again jumped out in such an aggressive fashion with that last sentence, but I know you know what I mean.

And that’s everything! 

I did wanna close off the post with a reminder of how nuanced a discussion this is-having the time and money to be more conscious about your ethical footprint when you’re buying clothes is in itself a privilege; fashion shouldn’t be an interest reserved for only those who have the means to pay extra or spend time scouring the internet. It’s also important to be aware of the lack of size inclusivity-a lot of the “trendy” sustainable fashion brands tend to not stock anything larger than a size 14 and attempt to deflect attention away from this by categorising clothes as either XS, S, M, or L, which is in itself a bit of a pisstake considering that 12-14 is the average clothing size here for women in the UK, and so in no way large. Shopping from Depop and Ebay is hard too when so many brands fail to understand how to fit a non-straight size body which in turn necessitates trying stuff on before you buy it, something that isn’t possible when you’re shopping second hand. A lot of Depop shops fail to offer returns and even with those who do, chasing up that return can be a time-consuming and generally all round frustrating process.

Basically, when we’re having these kinds of discussions it’s important to consider everyone’s situations and avoid sitting on some kind of high horse. I feel like things have become even more complicated lately- with the recent closure of once popular high street stores such as Topshop and Miss Selfridge, it has got me thinking a lot about just how many people’s income here in the UK is dependent on fast fashion retailers too and their popularity. The job scarcity resulting from these kind of closures, which are often all that is available to a lot of people with the demands of the job market seemingly becoming more and more impossible each day even for those who have been in higher education, is clearly an issue when the kind of support you can expect from the government as someone out of work is so woefully inadequate and likely to become even more so as the conservatives push for further cuts to UC and PIP. The past year has really shown us just how shaky the ground that an intensely capitalist society stands on is and how quickly everything can go tits up when we don’t invest in a safety net for those who are struggling. People seem to have realised more than ever the extent to which those whose jobs we deem “low-skilled” are actually the backbone of society, and yet even here, whilst the situation may not be quite as desperate as it is elsewhere, we still haven’t seen pay rises that reflect that. Turns out all the clapping WAS an empty gesture, who’d have thought it (for fuck’s sake)? Fair wages really are a global issue that starts with paying people enough for them to comfortably live on and in time should lead to a shift in consciousness away from the concept of profit before everything else and towards an equal playing field for everyone, something we should take every opportunity to speak up about and demand from our “leaders”, however shit a job so many of those leaders do. It’s frustrating how the focus on making ethical purchasing choices is so often on the overconsumption of things that women historically are more actively interested in such as clothes and accessories and make up when the reality is that the wealth of every industry titan on this planet, NOT just the ones who dominate the fast fashion sphere, depends on them continuing to get away with exploiting people-we should be looking at how we can show our dissatisfaction in all areas. Maybe I’m perpetuating that with this post, since a lot of the online retailers I mentioned only sell women’s clothing, but that being said, I’m not about to do men’s work for them, lol-they should make the effort, if possible, to research into sustainable clothing alternatives too.

Anyway, that’s the end of this post! If you read to the end, thank you so much! If I’ve made any errors in my research or there are more sustainable clothing brands that I could’ve mentioned, feel free to inbox me them too, and I can add them to this post if Tumblr allows. It’s usually a little bitch when it comes to editing long posts but I’ll try my best:) Again, thanks for reading! And if you are, I hope you are safe and well!

Lauren x

[the-great-imagines-of-1812]

La Vie En Rose- Bucky Barnes x Rogers! reader

Summary: By some miracle, Bucky Barnes doesn’t fall of the train on that cold day in the Swiss alps in 1945. He spend the rest of his days with his girl; you.

Song Used: La Vie En Rose // (The Louis Armstrong version)

Hold me close and hold me fast The magic spell you cast 

You remember the day your Sergeant first set foot in New York City after 2 years of fighting overseas so vividly. Two pairs of arms clutched each of yours; Rebecca, Bucky’s sister, on one side and Winnifred, his mom, on the other. 

Dozens on regiments have reached the US several days before, but because both Bucky and Steve were stuck on one last mission, something in The Swiss Alps, as he had expressed in a letter, they were due on the second to last ship.

But now you were here. Two years of tears, nail-biting anxiety, and exchanging letters back and forth had finally come to an end, and soon both your boys were coming home. 

If it weren’t for the three of you standing near the back, you wouldn’t have seen the ship due to all the people crowding the Brooklyn harbor. Thousands of wives, sisters, brothers, families and best friends all crowded together on that day were there were no clouds in the sky. 

It seemed like some sort of sign. All the madness of war had finally reached it’s end; and now the sun was welcoming the country’s men home.

The magic spell you cast This is "La vie en rose"

You didn’t see Steve or Bucky at first. Rebecca clutched on to you, the poor girl almost breaking out into sobs as the three of you had been waiting nearly an hour since the boat had come into sight. 

Winnifred stood on the very tip of her heels, hand over her eyes, in an attempt to block out the sun so she could get a better look at the soldiers walking down the gangplank. 

The shriek she let out could’ve made you deaf if you didn’t realize what it was for. Helping Rebecca up from the ground where she had collapsed, you clasped a hand over you mouth as the last of the soldiers set foot on solid ground, Bucky and Steve among them. 

Rebecca sped away quickly, her body crashing onto her brother’s in a tight hug. Walking up to them yourself, with Winnifred close behind, you gave Steve a tap on the shoulder and he turned around with a smile.

“Stevie, look at you! You’re so tall now. You’ll have to reach the flour on the shelf for me now.” you smiled, while he wrapped you in a now- tight - hug. 

“I have absolutely no problem at all reaching the flour for-” he attempted to answer you, but was cut off by Bucky.

“What m’ I,  dollface, chopped liver?” He said from behind you. 

Turning around and practically jumping on him, he wrapped two arms around your back. He was warm and smelled like fresh pine. Tucking your head into his neck, you felted grounded and safe. 

Because he was home. 

“Let go of the sister, Buck. She does live with me, and we oughta to all go home to catch a rest.”

“Oh shove off Steve. She may be your sister, but she’s my girl and I missed her.”

When you kiss me, heaven sighs And though I close my eyes I see "La vie en rose"

The day that Bucky got down on one knee with his mom’s ring in hand was one you’ll remember for ever. 

It was a year after he had come home, and Steve had put him through the third degree (despite being his best friend) when he stood at the doorway of the small apartment that you and Steve shared with a small bunch of flowers.

You had come out a few minutes later, with a dusty green dress, hair curled to perfection and a red lip.

Steve had demanded that he bring you home by 9, how he couldn't  hurt you, the regular stuff he would say when Bucky came to take you out on a date. 

The stars seemed to shine for only you two that night. There was a soft jazz tune playing throughout the park. The pair of you had just gone to dinner, and couldn’t stop giggling, which earned you a few stares from the elderly people trying to enjoy a quiet night.

But he sat you down on a bench, grabbed both your hands gently, while he got down on one knee, probably delivering what was the most moving monologue you had ever heard in your life:

“Y/N M/N Rogers, love of my life, doll-”

You knew what was coming. Tears streamed down your face in happiness. “Buck I-”

“Just please hun- let me say what I gotta’ say. We’ve known each other for a very long time now. And ever since I can remember, Steve always threatened to punch me whenever I did so much as look at you.”

This earned a laugh from you.

“But somehow, we made it work, and the three of us ran around Hell’s Kitchen like the mighty trio we still are. Hiding under the watchful eye of Steve in our late teens and early twenty’s was not easy- but here we are. And before I left for England, I promised I was gonna marry ya. And I’m a man of my word.”

He let go of both your hands to dig for something in his pocket. After a few seconds, he pulled out a little red box.

“This ring belonged to my mom, and now it’s mine to use. I hope you’ll let me give it to you. You are the love of my life. I might not have much, but I sure love you with everything I have. Will you marry me?”

You practically jumped on him, and if he wasn’t on one knee and hadn’t managed to maintain balance, he would’ve fallen over. Peppering kisses all over his face while he wrapped his arms around you. 

“I’ll take this as a yes, doll?”

“You bet, Sergeant.”

“Now let me put this ring on you, hmm?”

When you press me to your heart I'm in a world apart

You became Mr. and Mrs. Barnes in the fall of that same year. It was a small wedding, so there wasn’t much planning.

It was held in one of Howard Stark’s many residences, an small estate in Albany, which he offered to have the wedding held, and even officiated himself, as he had been a close friend of yours since you had entered a career in science, and had helped Bucky and Steve overseas. 

There weren’t may people in attendance, but that was exactly what you and Bucky had wanted. There was Steve and your soon-to-be sister in law, Peggy (which you had gotten along fabulously with), Bucky’s mother and father and siblings, Howard himself (of course) and his girlfriend, Maria.

The golden rays of the sun shone through the high windows, light bouncing off practically everything in the room. You had previously saved up enough for a dress, and maybe Howard had given you a bonus in the past couple of weeks just so you could. He didn’t tell you that, of course.

As soon as you had been pronounced man and wife, Bucky swept you up in his arms, giving you a quick spin, dipping you, which got “Calm down you two rabbits-” from Howard. Maria slapped him after.

Celebration soon followed in the dining room of the home, with a home-made meal, courtesy of Winnifred, Rebecca, Peggy and Maria all together.

You couldn’t have been more thankful.

A world where roses bloom And when you speak, angels sing from above

The Barnes Family had been blessed with twins two years later, in 1948. One girl, and one boy; Rebecca Margaret Barnes and Robert Howard Barnes. They lit up both you and Bucky’s life, and you both became involved in a much more domestic life, now moving to the suburbs, but still remaining in the state of New York in order to be close to friends and family, which now included your new niece, Sarah Y/N Rogers. 

Howard and Maria had yet to have kids, but they were in no rush to get married, either. 

Every weekday Bucky would come home from work at the bank, were he was finally able to make the money he had been dreaming of his entire life, and your worked from home, making many blueprints for Stark Industries, which you were now the co-owner of, and spent some days at your office in the city while Maria had offered to babysit numerous times. 

Fridays Bucky would bring home soda-pop for the entire family, which was then followed by a big dinner made by you, and dancing in the living room with Bucky till’ midnight, when the kids were already in bed. 

Saturdays were for the Rogers, Barnes and Stark families to get together and have a picnic in the park you, Bucky, and Steve had grown up in. Maria always had the habit of bringing the watermelon, you the apple pie, and Peggy with her famous  English biscuits. 

Sundays, Winnifred practically dragged three families to church, much to everyone’s protest, but it was always followed by a plentiful Sunday dinner.

Nobody ever complained about that.

Everyday words seem to turn into love songs Give your heart and soul to me,

The years had passed, yet none of these traditions faltered, even when all the kids were of age to leave for their college education. 

Minus one Anthony ‘Tony’ Stark, who had been born in 1970. He was the youngest of the bunch. 

As Rebecca and Robert Jr. had moved off to college in New Jersey at the same time, you and Bucky moved back to the city, not to far from The Starks.

The only one tradition that never faltered was yours and Bucky’s dancing on Friday nights, where you often danced to the song form your wedding- “Dream A Little Dream of Me”

You would love and cherish the small things. You knew that then, you knew that now. 

To love and remember, because as long as you and Bucky had each other, you would always- what was the phrase the French used? oh, right.

You would always see La Vie en Rose.

[wedreamedlove]

Life History of the 4 Men

The Chinese character books provide timelines of everyone's lives, so I decided to translate them all (as part of my epic procrastination ritual).

There are spoilers in these up to Chapter 24. Okay, I'm afraid tables look hideous in Tumblr, so you're all going to have to deal with my terrible text version.

LI ZEYAN

Regarding the Evol he was born with || Li Zeyan was born with a time manipulation Evol but he never told anyone around him.

10 years old || Park meeting || He met a 4 years old you at the park. He made a pudding as an apology to make up for wrecking your sand castle, but he never thought that he'd get a tag along from that moment.

11 years old || Suspending time during a car accident || He used his Evol in public for the first time in order to save you when you disregarded danger to grab a small cat in the middle of the road.

Orphanage kidnapping incident || He was kidnapped with you to an orphanage. He used his Evol to bring the other kids out but wasn't careful enough and was discovered. He was saved by you at a critical moment but, in the end, was unable to bring you out with him.

Start of the endless search || Unwilling to believe that you were no longer in this world, he started his 17 year long search.

14 years old || Mother's death by illness || His mother died to an illness and the details of the cause are unknown.

18 years old || Starts university || He was accepted into the country's famous university with his outstanding grades.

20 years old || Creates Huarui || He created Huarui when he was finishing his third year and, in the second year of its creation, Wei Qian came around to interview.

26 years old || Starts his restaurant || He opened a restaurant called Souvenir and considered this place a "utopia". He met Mr. Cai here.

28 years old || Huarui becomes a business empire || Huarui gradually developed and became a business empire.

Meeting again || Using his Evol, he saved you when you were about to meet with a car accident.

HBS' plot || He was locked in one of HBS' secret rooms with you. That one scene from his childhood happened again and he realized that it turned out the person he strenuously searched for was at his side. His Evol fluctuated and he could use it to twist space and time.

Deep space travel || Obtained a pocket watch from Grandpa Chen and went to the future Lianyu City. He was in contact with you through the pocket watch and, in order to change the ending of fate, he continuously crossed through space and time.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you at the Black Cabin and obtained memories of several worlds— no matter the world, you two would end up meeting and he would end up being attracted to you.

XU MO

Known to all as a little genius || Being a little genius in the eyes of others, he obtained the love of adults but was alienated by those of the same age and his only friend was the neighboring older brother, Fan Zihang.

7 years old || Car accident || Encountering a car accident on his birthday, both his parents died, and he survived with great difficulty only to be taken by a member of the Black Swan organization.

Acquired Evol || Underwent Black Swan's reformation experiment and obtained Evol.

8 years old || First meeting || He met with the very first color in his life underneath a camphor tree and even obtained a single colorful origami crane.

9 years old || Orphanage kidnapping incident || He was one of the victims of the orphanage kidnapping incident and was rescued by the police.

Went overseas || Going along with Black Swan, he went overseas to study.

15 years old || England schooling || He entered an England all-boys high school to study and, using one year, he completed high school and a university undergraduate degree.

16 years old || Studying hard for a master's degree || He entered one of America's leading universities to pursue advanced studies, a master's degree and Ph.D.

20 years old || Obtained a Ph.D. || He obtained a Ph.D. in neuroscience in America and started to work in a laboratory in America. He published many academic papers and laid the groundwork for neuroscience experts.

24 years old || Became a professor || Returning to the country, he founded the Xu Mo Life Laboratory and also held the post of being a guest professor at Lianyu University.

26 years old || Meeting again || He met with you again through the introduction of Professor Zhang Chengxi. He became your neighbor after moving in and also helped with the last episode of Miracle Finder.

The dream's passing || He brought you into a dream but, because he received the influence of your Evol, saw both of your pasts together and the car accident in his childhood. Afterward, he obtained a peace knot from your hands.

Breaking it off || His identity as Ares was revealed and he broke off relations with you. At a press conference about the development of an influenza vaccine, he had a debate about "evolution" with you.

Danger in the dream || In order to save you when you were being chased by radicals of the Black Swan organization, the two of you entered a dream. He used his Copy Evol to get out of danger and your memory of this time was also erased.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you in the Black Cabin and, obtaining the memories of several worlds, he takes you by the hand and hurries towards the next spring day.

BAI QI

Childhood || Although his father was always cold, under the care of his mother's warmth, Bai Qi had a relatively carefree childhood.

10 years old || Father took away his little brother || Bai Qi's Evol hadn't awakened yet. Bai Qi's father believed that Bai Qi didn't have the Evol genes and so he took away his little brother, whose Evol had already awakened.

15 years old || His mother passed away || His mother passed away in a fire and, after this time, "fire" became his weakness.

17 years old || Met you in the rain || He met you when you were foolishly blocking the rain for a cat and feeding it by the side of the road. He gave you his coat and then ran off into the rain.

Obtained Evol || He heard your piano when he fought a gang of people and was kicked off the rooftop. At the same time as he obtained his Evol he vowed to protect you forever.

18 years old || Goodbye || His Evol awakening was discovered by his father and he was threatened until he had no choice but to leave Lianyu High School. Before he left, he wrote a letter to give to you but, because of Han Ye's slip up, you thought it was a threatening letter.

19 years old || Hellish mission || His teammate Li Ye died during the "Hell Mission" and only Bai Qi and Gu Zheng survived. After this mission concluded, Bai Qi was made into the team captain.

20 years old || Training and missions || He actively participated in every country's training and missions and gradually became strong.

22 years old || Obtained an appointment || He obtained a formal appointment and joined the special forces.

24 years old || Meeting you again || In order to protect you, he voluntarily requested to be transferred back to Lianyu City to carry out missions and, at last, he met you again.

Broke off with the special forces || He discovered Commander Lian Ji's plot, questioned the special force's "justice", and broke off with them.

Participated in the NW Plan || Receiving his father's conditions, he participated in the NW Plan, and after the reformation obtained a stronger Evol.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you at the Black Cabin, obtained the memories of several worlds, and promised to be side by side with you in every different world.

ZHOU QILUO

Orphanage for those with autism || He suffered from autism when he was small, was a mixed blood orphan, had no friends, and spent every day curled up in the corner.

5 years old || First meeting || He was labeled as experimental subject 1562 and he met you during his escape. You two promised to eat doughnuts together after you both escaped.

Failure to escape || The escape failed and he became the valuable experimental subject 3684.

Obtained Evol || He underwent Black Swan's reformation experiment and obtained Evol. He is the only success of the orphanage's reformation experiments.

6 years old || Went overseas || Following Black Swan, he went overseas and was adopted by KEY. Afterward, he followed KEY and learned hacker techniques.

Launched his career || He launched his career as a child star in France.

14 years old || Attended high school in America || He finished junior high school in France and, listening to the suggestion of the middle-aged singer Eva Seidel, he went to America for high school.

18 years old || Admitted into a famous music school || He signed with a famous international music company and, after being successful, was admitted into a famous music school.

Set up a band || Created a band, had the position of lead singer, and started touring around the world, setting the groundwork of being an international star.

His master KEY disappeared || His master, KEY, disappeared and, in order to search for his master, he hacked into America's Federal Bureau of Investigation and found a mysterious symbol, but he was unable to crack it.

20 years old || Returned to the country to develop || He returned to the country to expand and Shen Yuan became his manager.

21 years old || Entered the hacker world || He returned to the hacking world with KEY's identity and persistently searched for any clues connected to his master.

Took the entertainment world by the storm || He acted as the young Sun Ce in "Three Kingdoms" and, not only did this take Japan by the storm, this also let more people in his own country recognize him.

22 years old || Meeting you again || He met you again at a convenience store when you both saw the same bag of potato chips and from this moment you were his exclusive "Miss Chips".

Hacker conference || He met you at the hacker conference when you blundered in by mistake and the two of you fell into Black Swan's secret room. His mysterious identity as KEY was found out by you.

Returning home || After saying goodbye on the rooftop, he returned under the identity of Helios and reunited with you at the hospital. He gave you a knife for self-protection and used his Evol to erase your memories of this moment.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you again at the Black Cabin and obtained memories of several worlds. You both gripped tightly onto each other's hands and became each other's light.

[freddie-weaselbee]

E2: The One in New York City//F.W.

Series Summary: FRIENDS but with Harry Potter characters after Hogwarts graduation, trying to figure out their lives and relationships. Non Voldy AU. Begins around the end of FRIENDS season 4 with The Wedding and semi follows plots in season 5. 

Pairing(s): Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader, Romione, Ron x Lavender, Hinny, Georgelina

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex, planned pregnancy

Summary: Years after Hermione came back into their lives, the gang finds themselves traveling to New York City for the wedding of the one and only Ronald Weasley. As tensions rise and feelings are revealed, the group has to take on New York and hope for the best. 

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: A little taste of the story:  “I’d pee on you any day of the week.” “What the hell did I just walk into?” Message me to join the series or general taglist!

May 2004

“Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi, there could be traffic, the plane could leave early! When you get to New York there could be a line at customs, come on!” Hermoine Granger was racing through the flat of Fred and George Weasley, the one above their infamous joke shop, Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. She grabbed clothing from their drawers and tossed it haphazardly into suitcases, while the twins in question were lounged out on their sofa observing the scene. 

You sat wedged between the two boys, leaning your head against Fred’s shoulder with your legs draped across George’s lap. You laughed as Hermione was practically hysterical about getting everything ready, even though she wouldn’t even be going to America. 

“Good thing she’s not gonna be on the flight,” Fred whispered into your ear. “A six hour trip to New York? That’s a lot of Hermione.”

Smiling you turned to look at Fred who was holding something in his hand. “What’ve you got there?”

He grinned cheekily and gave you a better look. “Condoms, Y/N! You never know what American hotties I might meet overseas.”

Rolling your eyes you turned to George, who was giving you the same grin. “And I suppose you’re just as prepared as your brother?”

“Of course! Y’know, I feel bad for poor Ronniekins, getting himself all tied down to one woman. Me and Fred, we know how to live, isn’t that right mate?”

“You said it.” You sighed and settled into Fred even more, relaxing for a few minutes before Hermione would drag you all to the airport and you and Harry would be stuck trying to teach the Weasleys how Muggle planes worked. 

There was an audible pop as Ron apparated into the room, standing off by the kitchen. 

“Hey!” he greeted, causing you to sit up from your comfortable position wrapped in Fred’s arm and go meet your friend with a hug. 

“Hey.” You squeezed him tight, noticing how his nerves had overtaken him. 

“Are you ready yet?” he asked, fidgeting with his wand. 

Before you could respond Hermione came barging out of George’s bedroom and threw two suitcases onto the twins’ laps with what could only be described as superhuman strength. “She’s ready. You have the tickets?”

“Harry and Gin do, they’ll be here any second.” The only current couple of the group, and an engaged one at that, suddenly arrived with another loud pop, startling Fred who had begun to count his condoms to make sure he had enough. 

“Hey big brother!” Ginny hugged Ron with enthusiasm, but not as much as Harry showed as he threw himself onto his best friend. 

“You’re getting married Ron!”

“I know!”

They stayed wrapped in their hug as they jumped around and around, George clapping along and laughing at the duo. 

“Don’t know why Lavender would want to marry a specky git like you,” said the younger twin, “but at least we get to travel to the states for it.”

“And have wedding food,” said Fred. 

“Oh and you can’t forget the hot bridesmaids, right boys?” you questioned jokingly. 

They shared a mischievous look. “Never.”

A loud bell sounded through the loft, signaling that someone had come in. 

“That must be Luna!” Ginny exclaimed. She sprinted down the stairs and wrapped the blonde girl in a hug, being gentle as to not crush her or her pregnant belly. 

“Hello Ginny, how are you?”

“Never better! Thanks again for offering to help Hermione watch the apartments and oversee the shop and employees. Ron really wishes you could make it to the wedding, but seeing as you’re about to burst--”

Luna interrupted her old friend with a soft laugh. She was 8 months pregnant with twin boys, and was left home alone for a few weeks while her husband dealt with a work issue in Eastern Asia. Which meant she had plenty of free time to make sure things were running smoothly in London while her friends were overseas. 

The two girls were joined by the rest of the gang who had been pushed down the stairs by a frantic Hermione. “Get going, all of you! You’re going to miss your flight.”

“New York baby!” The twins had jumped down from one of the landings, somehow managing not to injure themselves. Although they were now 26 they were never without their childlike energy. 

“I’m walking here!” cried Fred in a horrid New York accent. 

“Yee haw, cowboy!” said George, doing a little cowboy dance.

You sighed and slapped your head with your hand. “Okay, cause that’s not gonna get annoying.”

They ignored you and continued with their yelling and dancing, dragging as much luggage as they could out the front door of the shop. 

“Well,” said Ron, “we’re all here and ready. I guess we should get going!” Harry and Ginny gave Luna one last goodbye as they followed you out to the alley, leaving only Ron, Hermione, and Luna left in the shop. 

“So, we’re off,” said Ron, a little awkwardly. He and Hermione had a bit of a rough past, having dated on and off for the past few years. But that was all behind them now, and she was happy that he had reconnected with their friend Lavender from Hogwarts and had fallen in love. 

“Have fun, Ron,” replied the bushy-haired girl. 

“Thanks,” he said, giving his friend a tight hug. “Ugh, I can’t believe you’re not gonna be there!”

Hermione sighed and pulled back. “Oh I know, I’m sorry.”

“So-so come! Why don’t you come?”

“What?”

“To New York!” Ron was holding Hermione’s hands and jumping up and down. “Come to New York, please? It’ll mean so much to me.”

Hermione hesitated for a moment. She wanted to go, to have a great trip with her friends and visit the historical places she’d read so much about. But she didn’t have it in her to watch her ex-boyfriend get married to someone else. 

“Yeah, well, I gotta work, I’m sorry. The Ministry is really up my arse these days, pardon my language.”

“Mione, this is my wedding,” he said, giving her his best puppy dog eyes. 

You stuck your head back through the door and called out to them. “Alright, y’know what? Now we really are late, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

Ron sighed and let go of his friend, grabbing his suitcase before heading out the door. “I’ll see you when I get back, Mione. Bye Luna!”

Luna and Hermione both gave small waves as Ron pulled the door shut. A resounding “New York, baby” could be heard even from deep inside the shop, and Hermione giggled as her friends made their way to the London airport. 

----------------------------------------

“Alright,” said Ginny as you all stepped out into the streets of New York City. “Harry and I will help the groom and bride-to-be get everything set up for their big day. Which means you, Y/N, get the honor of babysitting my older brothers.”

“Ginny I can’t handle them all by myself! We’ve been here for less than 5 minutes and look at what they’re doing already.” You all turned to look at the ginger twins, who were standing on top of a map of the city and staring down at it. 

“What is going on with you two?” you asked, but you were quickly silenced as Fred placed his finger on your lips. 

“We’re concentrating. We went in the map so we can figure out where we are.” He kept his finger there until you finally removed it and looked at the map they had made, complete with little pop ups of all the important places they wanted to see. 

“If you see a little version of me in there, kill it.” Harry laughed at your quip and grabbed Ginny’s hand, waving goodbye as the couple and Ron made their way to meet Lavender and her family. 

“We got it!” screamed the twins. They stepped out of the map and started walking right, on to their first tourist destination. “Here we go.”

“Okay, listen,” you said catching up to them, “we’re not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?”

Fred shushed you and George groaned. “Y/N, you made me lose it!”

George put the map down and stood back on it. “A lot harder when the map doesn’t change specifically for you and show you exactly where you are, huh?” you asked, referencing the parchment the twins used for years back in Hogwarts. 

They ignored you and took off down the street again, their long legs moving so fast you had to almost sprint in order to keep up the pace. This was going to be a long day. 

------------------------------

Meanwhile Harry, Ron, and Ginny had made it to the Brown’s apartment in New York. Although Lavender was raised in England and attended Hogwarts, her extended family lived in the States and her parents moved there after she graduated. The apartment was rather large, but that was no surprise as the Browns were a wealthy family. 

“Oh Won Won!” Ron was greeted at the door with a vibrant Lavender throwing herself into his arms. Ron laughed and spun her around, giving her a quick kiss before finally setting her down. 

“Hey Lavender, I missed you.” He smiled warmly at his fiancee, soon to be his wife. After Padma left him right before he was going to propose years ago, Ron decided not to waste any time in popping the question once he and Lavender started dating. They’d only been going out for a few months before he asked, but despite the worried opinions of their friends they were convinced that this was the right thing to do. 

Lavender pulled Ron down for another kiss, this one much more passionate than the last. “I missed you too.”

They were pulled apart by an awkward cough from Harry, an arm around Ginny who was covering her eyes to avoid watching her brother make out with someone in front of her. 

“Sorry Harry, Ginny,” said Lavender. “It’s great to see you both. Come on in, will you, we have a few last minute preparations to attend to.”

They followed the brunette into her family’s apartment, which was decked out in reception decorations that still needed to be set up. “Where’s the rest of your group? They are coming, aren’t they?”

“Y/N and the twins are out exploring the city,” said Ginny. “I figured you probably didn’t want Fred and George to be around anything important, especially with their history of pyrotechnics. And I don’t trust them alone in the city, so Y/N’s making sure they don’t burn down half of New York.”

Lavender laughed and poured some tea for her friends. “And what about Hermione, is she at the hotel?”

The room suddenly got very tense and Harry quietly sipped his tea, trying to disappear from the awkward scene. 

“Umm,” Ron began, “Hermione’s not coming. She can’t get time off at the Ministry and she’s helping watch over our apartments and take care of Luna.”

Lavender nodded sadly, sighing deeply at the news. “I guess it’s all for the best then. She never did like me, did she?”

“No, that’s not true at all,” Ron argued, taking his fiancee's hands. “She’s just...she takes a while to warm up to people. She really wishes she could be here, but you know how work is.”

The girl smiled slightly at Ron’s comforting words. “Yeah, thanks Won Won.”

He squeezed her hands gently. 

“Alright then,” said Ginny, “what needs to be done? Even though Parvati is your maid of honor and I swear I’m not upset about it--” Harry elbowed Ginny hard, “--I’m still one of your bridesmaids, and I want my big brother’s wedding to be as amazing as possible. So, what should we do?”

“Well,” Lavender said, clapping her hands, “I need a new venue. The one I had was going to be absolutely gorgeous, but they tore it down early, which means we need a new spot.”

Although Lavender said these words calmly, it was obvious that she was on the verge of tears and the stress was getting to her. 

“Got it,” said Ginny. “Let’s go check out the old venue and see if there’s anything we can do. I promise you Lav, this day is going to be amazing, for everyone.”

------------------------------

“This is going to be horrible!”

Hermione was pacing around her apartment, the one she shared with you and Ginny. She was packing up Ginny’s belongings for when everyone returned from the wedding. Once Ron moved out of his and Harry’s shared apartment across the hall, Ginny would move in with her fiance, leaving only you and Hermione to share the space. Hermione decided that packing for Ginny would help take her mind off of the wedding, but unfortunately her assumptions were incorrect. 

“What’s the matter?” Luna asked from the sofa, leaning comfortably against a pillow with the Quibbler in her hands. 

Hermione sighed as she continued to pack. “I’m just bummed about the way I left things with Ron. I shouldn’t have lied to him about having to go to work. He seemed so mad at me.”

“Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself,” the blonde said, not looking up from her reading. “If someone I was still in love with was getting married…”

Luna jumped as a vase hit the floor and shattered. She looked up to see a wide-eyed Hermione staring at her. “Still in love with?!”

“Yes,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“I’m not in love with Ron!” Hermione screamed. 

Realization flooded Luna’s face. “Oh, no, good! Yeah, me neither.”

Hermione sat down across from her friend, ripping the Quibbler from her hands and attention. 

“Luna,” she said, “I’m not going to Ron’s wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because I’m still in love with him! I mean, I like Ron as much as the next girl. Clearly I still have feelings for him, but feelings don’t mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ron. But, but that doesn’t mean that-that I’m still in love with him! I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him--oh!” she gasped at her own words. “Luna why didn’t you tell me?”

“We thought you knew!” she said, surprised that Hermione was for once in her life so oblivious. “We talk about it all the time!”

“You all know?” Hermione asked. “Does, does Ron know?”

“Oh no,” Luna answered calmly. “Ron doesn’t know anything.”

Hermione started pacing once again, this time much more frantically. “Oh, I can not believe you didn’t tell me!”

“We thought you knew!” Luna replied. “It’s so obvious. That would be like telling Ginny ‘hey, you like to play Quidditch,’ or you know, ‘George, you’re gay.’”

The pacing girl stopped dead in her tracks. “What?”

“Oh please,” replied the younger blonde, “she’s always got a broom in her hand!”

------------------------------

“Alright! The Empire State Building. Hands down, best State building I’ve ever seen.” George pulled out his Muggle camera, still trying to figure out which buttons did what. They were a lot smaller than the one Colin Creevey used to carry around at Hogwarts and George still hadn’t gotten the hang of using Muggle items. 

“What do you think of the Empire, Y/N?” Fred turned his head to you as he asked his question. Your legs had gotten tired from jogging to keep up with the ginormous twins so Fred had offered to let you ride on his back the rest of the way, an offer you couldn’t refuse. 

You hopped down and quickly covered your eyes to hide from the bright flash of George’s camera. “I don’t know, I can’t see it with that thing blinding me, George.”

He quickly apologized, but not before snapping a picture of Fred wrapping his arms around you and smiling while you glared at the camera. 

“Someone’s grouchy today,” Fred said, swaying you back and forth a few times before releasing his grip. 

“I’m just tired, jet lag y’know?” He nodded and pointed to his back, letting you know it was alright to get back on. You didn’t hesitate to jump onto the redhead as he followed his brother into the massive building in front of you. 

After waiting in line for what seemed like hours you finally made it onto the elevator to take you to the top of the building. George continued to take pictures of anything and everything, including you flipping him off from on Fred’s back. As the doors opened and you stepped out onto the observation deck, you were amazed by the incredible view before you. 

Thousands of tiny buildings filled with thousands of tiny people stood before you, or rather below you. It was like you were on your broom and flying high in the sky, except this time time you didn’t have to focus on keeping your broom in check. You could just stand and stare. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Fred came up next to you, leaning on a railing in front of him. He hunched down enough that his face was right next to yours as the two of you stared at The Big Apple. 

“It really is.” You looked around for George, but he was off pestering other tourists to take pictures of him and the city behind him. “Remember when we were playing Quidditch at the burrow, and I flew up this high and stayed there for hours?”

“How could I forget,” Fred laughed. “We had to send search parties for you, thought you had been snatched up by dementors or something.”

“Nope, just got a little distracted by the view.” You continued to watch the amazing landscape and incredible sky, not missing the looks Fred was giving you. “What’re you looking at, Weasley? Don’t tell me that I’m more enchanting than the city. I mean, we all know it’s true but try not to make it so obvious.”

You pinched his cheek and he swatted your hand away playfully. “Don’t be stupid,” he said. “I was just remembering the time I peed on you to combat the jellyfish sting.”

“Fred!” you whisper yelled, laughing as he put his hands up. “We said we would never talk about that again. I don’t need that reminder!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just too good of a story! Really shows the strength of our friendship.”

You rolled your eyes at your best friend. Technically you would’ve considered Ron to be your best friend, as you’d known him the longest and had been the closest with him for so many years. But the past few years, living close to Fred and hanging out with him almost every day, he had become the most important person in your life. He was always there to make you smile or laugh when you had a rough day, or wrap you up in a blanket and watch a movie after a horrid date with some arsehole. He was one of a kind, and you were so glad he was in your life. 

“Y’know what Fred?” you asked, scooting closer to him. “If you ever got stung by a jellyfish, I’d pee on you too.”

Fred wiped away fake tears from his eyes. “I’d pee on you any day of the week, Y/N,” he said, pulling you into a tight hug. 

“What the hell did I just walk into?” George was standing behind you and Fred, having only heard Fred’s last sentence. The two of you cackled with laughter, bringing George into the hug with you and just enjoying the moment. 

------------------------------

“Hey Luna?” Hermione called from her bedroom. She and her friend had spent the day discussing her feelings for Ron and trying their best to help her get over him. Apparently recounting the horrors of their relationship was not helping in the slightest. 

“Yeah,” Luna called back from the kitchen. 

“Do you remember where the pygmy puff food is?” Her muffled voice sounded rushed and anxious, even more so than Hermione usually was. 

“Yeah, it’s under the front counter of Fred and George’s shop. Why?”

Luna turned her head to see Hermione come flying into the room dragging a packed suitcase behind her. “Because I’m going to New York.”

The pregnant girl nearly had a heart attack at Hermione’s declaration. “What? What do you mean you’re going to New York?”

Hermione grabbed a few more essentials from around the apartment, rushing in order to catch the next flight. “Yeah, I have to tell Ronald that I love him. Now Luna, you take care, you don’t have those babies until I get back.”

“I--but what about all of the finding his flaws and burning his picture rituals we’ve been doing?” Luna asked, straining to stand up and chase after her friend. 

Hermione easily moved past the slow-moving girl, zipping up her bag and heading to the door. “Yeah, that didn’t work. I know he loves Lavender but I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all of the information and then he can make an informed decision.”

Phoebe shook her head and continued to hobble around the room. “No, Hermione, it’s too late, you missed your chance! I’m sorry, I know this must be really hard, it’s over.”

The other girl paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “Y’know what? No. It’s not over until someone says ‘I do.’” And with that she took off out of the apartment and to the streets of Diagon Alley, on her way to another country to declare her love for Ron Weasley. 

[appears]

20th Anniversary

Ayumi Hamasaki: evolution (2001.01.31)

evolution is where it all started. It is the very first Ayumi Hamasaki CD I ever bought, way back in the early 2000s at the Virgin Megastore in downtown Chicago. Till that point, I had only cursory background information and a few RealAudio samples, but had never bought any albums (I had ordered a few CDs off of the Internet, but they hadn’t arrived in the mail yet). After bee-lining straight for the Import section on the lower level like I always did, and flipping through every single CD, beginning with A all the way down to Z, I picked out a few CDs that looked promising. I then had to whittle it down to one, because that's all that I could afford with the money I had saved up over time. I remember there being a few other Ayu CDs, namely the ayu-mi-x II version US+EU and version JPN CDs, but they were about $25 apiece. I think they might have had Duty, as well. I eventually bought two of those three from the store on later trips, but evolution just made sense as the first: it had 10 songs and was only $13. Sold! I remember opening the CD very, very carefully, making sure to save the original plastic it came in, and popping the CD into my Discman, where I proceeded to listen to it for the rest of the day while walking around the city and on the train ride home. For me, those first few notes of "evolution" never cease to take me back to that day in my life.

"evolution" was released at the peak of Ayumi Hamasaki's career in January 2001, debuting first at an annual COUNTDOWN LIVE concert to commemorate the new millennium. Though only the second song she had ever composed herself (aside from lyrics, and credited, as always, under the pseudonym CREA), it already had all of the classic elements of her style: a soft, slow ballad-like opening, followed by the introduction of faster and heavier elements, that resounded in layers of drums, guitar, distortion, and fuzzy vocal effects. I didn't really like the whole song right away: I loved the intro, and wished it was just as gentle and slow as it suggested, but over time, the time you had back before so much music was freely available at a click and you could skip to the next thing as soon as you felt bored after three seconds, and all you had was radio and your CDs which you practically learned to love through re-play because you wouldn't be able to afford another one for another month, it quickly became one of my go-tos, a song that I blasted often and learned all of the lightning-fast lyrics to. But I did like most of the remixes: all of them are in club and house styles, with many of the usual and now-legendary names like DJ Remo-con, Izumi "D.M.X" Miyazaki, and RAM RIDER contributing their takes on the title track, and Laugh & Peace and Seiki Sato adding two remixes for "End of the World" and "SURREAL" respectively. One of the advantages to having six remixes of the same song on one disc was that it made you intimately familiar with the vocal track -- this is one Ayumi song that I know from front to back, upside down and sideways, and probably backwards, too.

On the other hand, it can get a bit tedious as well, and the limits of using the same vocal track of a rock song to front upbeat club tracks doesn't always translate so well -- what a producer did with the vocals could really help him or her stand out with how skillfully they managed to make it work. To be fair, I liked dance music a lot around the time I bought these, so I probably wasn't the best person to ask about a fair assessment. Twenty years removed, these songs have become so entangled in my DNA that there is no way I can judge them in any objective way.

I purchased this CD twenty years ago, on April 21, 2001, and still have it in the original packaging, complete with hype sticker and the giant, nostalgic Virgin Import sticker. It comes in a standard maxi-single case with no paper backing, a foldout sheet with lyrics and song credits, and an OBI. This single was later released on two different 12" vinyl records. The Japanese version with the same image on the picture sleeve, only included three songs: the title track, the "Oriental Hot SPA" mix, and the "Razor's Main Mix" version, the latter which is not on the CD maxi-single. An overseas American version came in a blank, black record sleeve and included two tracks: “Razor's Club Mix” and “Razor's Dub” mix. I own both of these, and as far as I know, the Razor remixes were exclusive to these vinyl versions, though many more remixes of "evolution" would follow on singles and albums for many years after this single was released. This single, along with LOVEppears, which showed up a week later, prompted me to continue buying more Ayumi CDs, helping to spawn one of my longest and most loyal love affairs with an artist and genre to date. That makes this single, and this particular copy of it, absolutely priceless.

For more on the song, please check out this retrospective I wrote back in 2015.

[rubyjcat]

[Behind-the-Scenes] HELIOS Rising Heroes: Animation Showcase

“HELIOS Rising Heroes: Animation Showcase” is an English voice fan project I worked on all by myself (barring voice actors) that took five months to make.

The original plan was to make just one video, but it ended up being eighteen of them!

Link to YouTube playlist:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0UbdFyWSx0n_ewcd-t0iAB0adGe5lghH

In this write-up, I’ll be discussing details about the response to the project, recording all the footage, video editing, voice acting + audio processing, script translations + rewriting, which fonts were used, and even the emulator used. I’ve organized it into sections to make it easier to find certain things. Also, this is directed to English-speaking readers since I’m not gonna bother translating the entire thing to Japanese.

THE DREAM

I wanted to make this fandub ever since the game was released (in Aug 2020). I just knew that English voices would be extremely fitting to the world of HELIOS with a setting inspired by America and characters, places, and terms mostly in English. I was disappointed to hear that the studio behind the game, Cacalia Studio of Happy Elements K.K., had no interest to localize their games outside of Asia, which meant the chances of an English dub, let alone a global release were close to zero.

I was able to understand how to play the game thanks to the fan translators, some of which came from other Cacalia Studio games, and got inspired to continue learning Japanese (there was a previous attempt to translate Japanese lyrics years back).

What I thought was just the silly dream of one overseas player’s became something much more!

THE TIMELINE (BRIEF OVERVIEW)

I played the game for about two months prior to working on the project. Before starting the project, I had to sort out graphical and technical issues on my end first as I was unable to play the game smoothly until November.

November 2020

Finding all the in-game battle lines

Writing transliterations (romaji) of lines by ear

Learning and translating lines to Japanese

Started recording footage

December 2020

Further translation revisions

Held a casting call

Script rewriting and finalizing

January 2021

Completed casting

Started video editing (learning process)

Started audio processing

Recorded more footage

February 2021

Recorded more footage

Japanese script revisions

Finished working with VAs

Finished audio processing

Continued video editing

Published Preview video

March 2021

Recorded the last of the footage

Japanese subtitle revisions

Finished Showcase video

Finished Individual battle clips

Gave recommendations to VAs

The exact start and end dates were Nov 1st, 2020 to March 31st, 2021. Pretty neat.

RESPONSE TO THE PROJECT

I was absolutely shocked with the response to the preview video, which at the time of writing has just hit 10K views and almost 600 likes on Twitter and YouTube combined. Not bad for an unpaid hobby fandub (a joke only I find funny...) of an otherwise “niche” Japanese-only mobile game.

As of Apr 4th, 2021 - Thank you so much. This is more than I could’ve asked for.

The preview video blew up way more than anticipated, setting up for a bit of disappointment when the Showcase video was released.

The amount of views I expected for this project within its prime were a couple hundred views, so I’m content that the Showcase video reached that amount (it had ~500 by the end of March).

The expectations for the battle clips were an average of 100 views and a handful of likes - and each one got roughly that amount (or more) - so I’m also content with that, especially for something that’s just “bonus material”.

I tried my best to promote this project on Twitter with three main tweets. My one regret with promoting the project was making the second tweet after publishing the Showcase because the Japanese I wrote there was pretty terrible (as I was all worn out from editing and was in a haste to tweet about it). I tried to make up for it in a follow-up reply the next day, but it was too late. I was satisfied with how my third and final tweet and thread of battle clips turned out, but it sadly didn’t garner much attention. A reason for this was probably due to bad timing. I knew that the timing of the last tweet was awful as HeliosR did something special for April Fools’ day, plus the Easter event was being hyped around the same time, but I really wanted to finish up the project within March (my timezone, at least. It was already April 1st in Japan).

It was important to also make the videos accessible to the Japanese audience as they were a large portion of the viewers. This proved to be a challenge as my knowledge of Japanese is limited - at least for me, it’s easier to translate grammar-correct Japanese than it is to write my own sentences.

I ultimately decided against posting any of the videos on NicoNico because I wasn’t sure about Japan’s laws regarding copyrighted material. I knew it was already risky enough posting on social media and didn’t want to take any additional risks.

ABOUT THE FOOTAGE (1) – HEROES & ATTACK ORDER

HeliosR uses a gacha system, so to be able to even make something like this, you’d first need access to all 16 ★4 OG Heroes in the game.

I had them spread across five different accounts, four of which were reroll accounts. Asakou from the Cacalia RPG server gave me two of those accounts, and I rerolled myself for Keith and Ren during their Birthday Orders (one free 10-pull per account). Every account is also given a free ★4 selector ticket which I made good use of.

3,000 rubies (in-game currency) were sacrificed to pity the ★4 OG Dino when he was released in December just for the sake of the fandub!

Besides covering all of the Heroes, I also needed to play through each account to unlock certain story chapters, event stages, and evolve the Heroes for their shiny evolved CG art. Some of the Expert event stages (that had the Nighttime backgrounds) proved difficult to clear with a new account.

When using skills, the order of the Heroes were edited such that everyone was able to have the majority of their lines used at least once. All Heroes had two “receiving support” lines, two or three “supporting” lines, and two or three “skills against the enemy” lines. Some of the extra lines didn’t make it into the Showcase, so they were used for the individual clips instead.

I should’ve used Gray instead of Marion for the account that had Billy because you can see Marion’s sprite in Billy’s image. xD

In the Showcase, you may notice that the "Union Attacks" consist of all the ★4 CG images. These were spliced together; I never had all four Heroes of the same sector on the same account. For example, I would have Gray, Asch, and Jay on one account and Billy on another account, recorded their ★4 Bursts separately using the same background (from unlocking the Expert stages on both accounts), and then edited all the footage together.

Jay’s Burst was later re-recorded with a different attacking order so that he wouldn’t link to Billy.

It was also important to keep the same order of Bursts as well as use all four Bursts in the same turn. The ★4 Burst order was usually determined by who didn’t link skill with one another (with the exception of East sector as I was still figuring things out) because I didn’t want the link skill activation getting in the way of the animations.

As a little bonus, I also showed off the exclusive damaging skills of the Chapter 6 and 7 ★4 frames that I was lucky enough to pull from the gacha: Marion’s "Invitation To The Dance“ (roses), Faith’s “Synthetic Vibes” (beats), and Dino’s “Crow Mark Dead End” (claw marks).

ABOUT THE FOOTAGE (2) - BACKGROUNDS

Since I didn’t want to use the same battle music and backgrounds for all of the videos, I decided to use some of the themes from the limited-time events which went as far back as Nov 2020.

Each background has three variants (Daytime, Afternoon, Nighttime) and so I carefully picked them based on the colours. I ended up using mostly Expert stages - or Nighttime backgrounds, since Daytime versions were only used for Normal difficulty stages (which are too easy to clear).

The backgrounds used for the Showcase, all from limited-time events.

I decided to mix up some of the Heroes from other sectors in the individual clips for fun, basing it off of their relationships with each other. Using South sector’s background for Gast’s clip was a purposeful choice because I already used the North sector’s background for the other three North sector Heroes. I made sure to include Akira and Will of the South sector in Gast’s clip so it didn’t feel too random!

The only default background I didn’t use was Chapter 2’s because I already made use of the Casino theme for OG West sector’s individual clips. (...Plus I didn’t really like that background :p)

Here’s a list of all the backgrounds I used:

Escape the Prison (Nov 2020) - used for Showcase [EAST]

Mission of CASINO (Nov 2020) - used for Junior, Faith, & Keith clips

HAPPY NEW YEAR SHOW! (Jan 2021) - used for Showcase [SOUTH]

Help! Cooking Hero! (Jan 2021) - used for Will and Oscar clips

A Sweet Spell Garnished With Chocolate (Feb 2021) - used for Showcase [WEST]

Grandiose Chinoiserie (Mar 2021) - used for Showcase [NORTH]

The Hero Is A Detective!? (Mar 2021) - used for Billy and Jay clips

Default backgrounds: Chapters 1, 3, 4 (shared with 7), 5 (shared with 6) - used for all other clips

The Christmas event was the only event that went unused during the Nov 2020 - Mar 2021 period.

I didn’t record the East sector event (Christmas) in Dec 2020 because I was actually too busy with the casting call! I also didn’t think I would make use of it after already recording the Prison event intended for East sector. The project ended up taking so long that it actually benefited from having a wider selection of events over the months, which also showcased the beauty of the game.

ABOUT THE WORK & VIDEO EDITING

Hardware:

A decent computer.

A pair of no-name earbuds I found while cleaning out some junk.

Software:

All FREE!

*There’s a catch

NoxPlayer* emulator (debloated, read more about in its own section) and Open Broadcast Studio were used to record game footage and sounds.

Davinci Resolve was the main tool I used to edit the videos. A very demanding program that I only recommend using if you have a mid to high end computer.

MediBang was used to edit some of the art like the logos, but I ended up using Resolve for the majority of the graphics, including the thumbnails.

Audacity and Cakewalk were used to edit audio.

Many aspects for this project took longer than I had hoped because there was a learning process with using Resolve for the first time. I’m also a bit of a perfectionist, re-exporting videos tons of times just to fix small mistakes. Lastly, the time it took to make all the fancy effects was longer than I’d estimated. As the project dragged on, there was pressure to not delay the release of the videos any longer than I had to. A lot of this was self-imposed though.

There were days where I just did something else other than work on the project, which helped re-fuel my motivation when I decided to pick it up again.

Pretty much everything in the videos were taken from the game itself. The only graphics that were taken from the official website instead were the Substance symbols (the pictures with HERO at the bottom).

Additional overlay graphics were custom-made. It took two whole days to make the 3-second long sector intros and another two days to create and animate the arrow graphics for the credits. These were made using Resolve’s fusion and colour features. Much of the edit was inspired by the official HeliosR designs.

Left: Official in-game graphics // Right: My fanmade video (sector intros)

Sector intros were inspired by the four Heroes version of Union Attacks in-game.

Left: Official HeliosR video // Right: My fanmade video

The Preview video took after the ★4 Burst mini-previews as part of HeliosR’s promotional campaign, uploaded before the game was released.

Left: Official HeliosR video // Right: My fanmade video

The credits at the end of the Showcase were inspired by a different video, this time being the Half-Anniversary video.

The Showcase - which had a duration of 29:07 - was 11.5GB large in size. It took almost three hours to render (which I re-rendered to fix things) and two DAYS to upload to YouTube because I experienced multiple uploading interruptions. It’s a good thing you can re-upload the same video to continue where you left off without having to restart the entire process.

The individual hero clips didn’t take as long to make (but they took a while anyway as I re-uploaded some of them to fix minor mistakes). The recommendations for the VAs that were given alongside the publishing of each clip also spanned over another five days as I wanted to personalize and think about each one carefully.

A pretty frustrating part of the project was the prevalent lag when recording footage, which may have been due to the emulator and/or some technical things on my end. The Prison event used for the Showcase was the very first one I recorded when I wasn’t as aware about the lag, and so it suffered a bit as a result. The Union Attacks were the worst offender. I re-recorded the same battle scenes several times each just in case, then went through the footage frame-by-frame in Resolve and chose the ones with the least amount of lag. If all of the recorded footage suffered lag at different parts, I would even compare and splice together parts of them that didn’t lag. There was also audio lag (a known issue of NoxPlayer) so I had to move all of the audio forward by 1/3 of a second.

By the end of the project I had over 200 videos of game footage with a total size of over 24GB and a total duration exceeding 9 hours, not even counting all the ones that went unused.

The Heroes weren’t the only ones who evolved. MS Paint not recommended for thumbnails.

Overall, (despite the few mistakes here and there that nobody other than me would notice) I was happy with how everything turned out, down to the gorgeous thumbnails! I am an artist, after all~ :^)

I also have much more respect for video editors. They should be called VIDEO ANIMATORS!

ABOUT THE VOICES & AUDIO PROCESSING

When making a dub, it doesn’t mean we want to replace or best the original language, we just want to give it a new interpretation. In fact, the characters’ voice descriptions and direction provided in the scripts were heavily inspired by the seiyuu (Japanese VAs) and how they performed their lines.

Honestly, this was THE dream cast!! Some of the VAs had comparably similar voices to the Japanese ones which was an amazing coincidence. The ones that may not have sounded as similar had unique interpretations that I felt still suited their characters well. I also chose actors based on their performance, and everyone delivered!

Voice actors were not expected to imitate the Japanese voices and lines. They were provided direction and reference videos to help time their lines, but were otherwise given liberty when it came to their own interpretations.

You shouldn’t hear any jarring differences between the voice actors’ microphones and setups. That’s because I took the time to process the audio. Faith’s audio was submitted to me post-processed so it was used as a guideline for what the audio quality should sound like. Some of the others had comparable quality to Faith’s, so I only added compression to balance their volumes. Most of them benefited from equalization of various levels - this took some experimenting back and forth with the frequency spectrum. Lastly, a couple more benefited from clip fixing, noise gate, de-essing and/or click removal. It was very important for VAs to have at least decent room treatment; while small differences between mic frequencies can always be altered, echoes are difficult if not impossible to remove completely.

I feel that audio engineering is highly underrated and more important than ever as voice actors continue to record from home studios.

And in case it wasn’t already clear, this was purely voluntary work. No VAs or myself were paid to contribute anything for the project. Though, the experience alone was worth more than any amount of money.

ABOUT THE SCRIPT & TRANSLATIONS

HELIOS Rising Heroes「エリオスR」English Translation - Battle Lines

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ImWrAfvS_hgp6qr5qt30vCP63uHEk2o79uqY0h-3wL4/edit?usp=sharing

This spreadsheet consists of the literal translations for all the battle lines I could find in the game (it still isn’t done -yet-, plan to finish it when I get the chance). These are only fanmade and are not guaranteed to be accurate, especially as I wasn’t able to find another translator to help or proofread it.

After translating the lines, I made many additional revisions from the literal meanings such as changing the intention of the line slightly to flow better, having extra words added in to provide more context, or changing them completely. Thus, the lines used in the video are NOT literal TLs!

Another thing of note that may not seem apparent, but is what I feel an important aspect of character writing, is to remain completely unbiased towards all the characters. Personal favourites aside, I ensured that every Hero had their own spotlight as well as lines written in a way that remained faithful to their personality, no matter how unlikeable they were (looking at you, Asch Albright).

Even after giving voice actors their scripts, I made another revision in February after the release of the aforementioned Half-Anniversary video with the transcriptions for the ★4 Bursts, which is when I discovered a couple of mistakes with my transcriptions. This resulted in me having to edit out a part of one of the voice actors’ lines (Billy’s “String Show” line in his ★4 Burst) because of a translation mistake! I’m really glad I was able to double-check the correct lines before releasing the Preview video, or it would’ve looked pretty silly to Japanese viewers.

The last set of revisions were just minor edits to the subtitles (such as using kanji instead of kana) while I was working on subtitling all the videos.

Notable changes included:

WILL SPROUT

During attacking combo

Original line:

tanonda zo... ike! / “Counting on you... Reach!”

Rewritten line:

“I’ll become stronger... For everyone!”

The rewritten line is a condensed version of one of Will’s ★4 Evolved CG lines (“For everyone... I’ll become more and more stronger!”). He had “Reach!” in both his attacking combo and regular Burst, so I gave him an extra unique line.

★4 Burst

Original line:

warui kedo... kore de oshimai da! / “Sorry, but... it ends with this!”

Rewritten line:

“I’m sorry, but... it’s over for you! HAAAH!”

There were a couple of oversights I made with the script, and this was one of them that didn’t fit the animation properly. Props to Ryan for coming up with the extra shout at the end! So yeah, we kinda winged this line.

OSCAR BALE

When using skills against the enemy, during attacking combo, and in the ★4 Burst (repeat line)

Original line:

osoi! / “Slow!”

Rewritten lines:

“Too slow!” / “You’re slow!” / “Over here!”

Rewritten simply because I wanted to minimize repeated lines and change things up.

GAST ADLER

When supporting an ally, and during attacking combo

Original lines:

tetsudau ze / “I’ll help (you).”

itchouagari / “All done.”

Rewritten lines:

“I’ve got your six.”

“Target eliminated.”

I wanted to add in a few military terms to reflect Gast’s background.

FAITH BEAMS

★4 CG line (for the credits)

Original line (literal TL):

“It’s not terrible or evil, right? Surely this isn’t punishing... I guess?”

Rewritten line (with “mistake”):

“I’m not doing anything horrible or evil, alright? This is just business as usual... I suppose?”

Faith’s CG line had a mistake when I first translated and handed it off to his actor. I accidentally wrote “oshigoto” (work/business) instead of “oshioki” (punishment). The original has him pretty much saying the same thing twice anyway, so I would say the intention was still retained.

KEITH MAX

When supporting an ally

Original line:

gambare yo~ / “Do your best~.” or “Hang in there~.”

Rewritten line:

“Stay alive, would ya~?”

I know Keith’s meant to say “serious” things in a sarcastic or snarky way, but I just had to add in this fun line!

DINO ALBANI

Using skills against the enemy

Original lines:

haa! / “Haah!”

hei! / “Hey!”

Rewritten lines:

“I can do this!”

“Leave it to me!”

The Japanese lines for Dino’s offensive skills were rather basic, with the third and unchanged line “Here goes!” being a repeat line Dino also says when attacking. I wanted to give him some more lines - as standard as they are - to show his personality a bit more, along with having an additional fun West sector interaction. The changes fit the animations better too. (I actually had his VA say the "Haah!" line, but ended up using a different take of “Here goes!” in place of it.)

ABOUT THE FONTS

Fonts were taken from various sources and were either FREE for personal use or had an open font license. I didn’t have access to the commercial fonts (such as Futura) used in-game, so these were the following fonts I made use of:

Techna Sans looked similar enough to Futura when capitalized, and still looked decent in lowercase.

Jost* is a font that was derived from Futura. Some of its uppercase letters are sharper than Futura's, but it worked pretty well for the text in the credits.

Gau Font Over Drive was used for the ANIMATION SHOWCASE text.

Gen Jyuu Gothic LP was used for the majority of the Japanese text and its English letters were also used for the battle clip subtitles on Twitter.

Meiryo UI (default font) was used for the Preview videos’ subtitles.

Noto Serif JP (default Google font) was used for the serif Japanese text in the credits.

ABOUT NOXPLAYER ANDROID EMULATOR

ETA: AS OF VERSION 1.1.18 (04/23/21), EMULATORS NO LONGER WORK WITH HELIOSR (AS WELL AS OTHER CACALIA STUDIO GAMES). THE BELOW INFORMATION IS OUTDATED.

If, for whatever reason you’re interested in using NoxPlayer, you should take caution when installing it onto your machine. I don’t advocate for or recommend installing Nox. I had to resort to emulation so that I could record the footage and sounds directly from my computer using OBS. The reason why I used Nox specifically is because Cacalia Studio doesn’t like emulators, blocking most of them from running their games. I found further instructions on how to run the game in Nox from the Cacalia RPG Discord (via Twitter @HeliosR_en).

First, not all Nox versions are safe. It should only be installed from the official website, Bignox. More recent versions (I believe from 6.3.0.6 and up) may contain malware such as Segurazo and Chromium packaged with the installer which can be annoying to remove. The version of Nox I used was 6.3.0.0 (you can install older versions, then just don’t update it), which has Android 7 and doesn’t contain packaged malware (AFAIK).

Second, NoxPlayer may be “free” to use, but it comes with bloatware and profits off of its users’ data by collecting and sending it to many different servers. The below guide is what I used to debloat Nox and minimize communication to these servers. Scroll down the comments for additional domains to add to the hosts file.

Debloating & Optimizing Nox:

https://gist.github.com/Log1x/12d330ef7685d6fbc611d1d57efb5c29

This is another good guide that makes use of command prompt to remove additional bloatware from the emulator.

How to Remove Bloatware on Nox and LDPlayer Emulator:

https://codefaq.org/emulator/how-to-remove-bloatware-on-nox-and-ldplayer-emulator/

ENDING NOTES (TL;DR)

Images of the first and last video for the HeliosR project. We’ve come full circle!

One very tired and average person decided to translate, script, cast, direct, and edit an ambitious project all by herself using only FREE tools, and ended up taking too long to finish it. But at least she finished it, right?

Translators = RESPECT

Voice actors = RESPECT

Video editors = RESPECT

Audio engineers = R E S P E C T (their work is especially behind-the-scenes)

Hell, I even like Asch now.

During my time working on this, there was one question I always had in mind: “What would the fans want?”

I hope this follow-up has given you a bit of insight into the makings of the HeliosR project. Thank you for reading!

~RubyJCat

[fruitwoops]

c. sc // right person, wrong time

light angst, ex-boyfriend!seungcheol 1.6k words

You could still recall that day as though it were yesterday.

Rosy hues had replaced the cyan tones of the sky, and the ivory clouds were now splashes of apricot, allowing the fading daylight to paint the beach a faint glow of honey. The whimsical laughter of children filled the air, mixing in melodically with the soothing movement of low-tide waves, which caressed your bare feet each time they reached the shore.

Seungcheol stood facing you, your silhouettes illuminated in marigold. The backdrop was nothing short of romantic as your boyfriend reached for your hands with a soft smile, running his calloused fingers across your knuckles in the way he usually did when he was nervous. You returned his smile with a fond expression of your own, nodding encouragingly as you weaved your fingers with his. His plush velvet lips parted slightly, trembling as the words spilled out like bullets straight to your heart, “We should break-up.”

-

“I can’t believe you actually cleared your schedule for this,” Johnny laughed, the ice cubes in his whiskey clinking against the crystal glass as he did so. You rolled your eyes as you took a seat at the table which your friends had occupied.

“What? Can’t I want to catch-up with our high school friends?” You defended, glancing through the menu. Your friends shared a knowing look, waiting for the waiter to leave with your order before resuming their inquisition.

“He’s right though,” Nayeon giggled as she pointed her fork at you. “You’re a total workaholic, sajangnim. Plus, like us, you hated most of them. Why would you make time for them?”

“Not to mention, you’re high-key making us attend too,” Hyejin deadpanned. You stared back at your friends before throwing your hands up in mock surrender.

“Okay, fine, maybe a part of me just wants to see their faces now that we’re all mad successful. Especially after all the crap they gave us throughout high school,” you smirked as you raised your shoulders in a “can’t be helped” gesture, the Patek Philippe timepiece wrapped around your wrist emphasising your point.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Johnny reached over to high-five you, a devious glint in his eyes at the notion. Hyejin nodded approvingly, her own countenance morphing into nefarious pleasure as she sunk her teeth into the wagyu. Nayeon merely grinned at you, though that should have been a warning sign for the words that left her mouth as her perceptive brown orbs studied your face.

“I heard that Seungcheol’s going to be there.”

You felt your muscles tense at the name, unsure how you should react outwardly. While the break-up itself was far from a happy memory, it ended up being a beautiful one ; a romantic scene in a movie where a young, selfless boy chose to help the girl he loved to achieve her dreams. Your younger self had been naive and stupid, wanting to throw away everything you had worked hard for, for the boy you loved. But Seungcheol knew better, wanted better for the girl he loved. He broke up with you so that you would take the overseas scholarship at your dream college. And you did.

Truth be told, the real reason you chose to attend the reunion was to see him. You believed it was a case of right person, wrong time. And you longed to find out if you both were to meet again, now full grown and dreams in hand, would it be the right time?

It must have shown on your face, because Nayeon snorted and held her palm out to Johnny, who begrudgingly handed her a 10,000 won note. You groaned at their antics, fighting a smile as Hyejin reached over and squeezed your hand.

“We’ll have your back regardless.”

-

You could feel the stares as you handed the key of your Aston Martin to the hotel valet, basking in the attention that commenced the moment you exited the car. Not that you could forget that behind each awestruck face you laid eyes on were the lingering sneering faces of the classmates who made high school difficult for you.

Yet nothing would beat the collective shock and whispers of recognition and disbelief that rippled through the crowd when Nayeon called out your name, waving to you from where she, Hyejin and Johnny stood by the entrance. She looped her arms with yours once you reached them, whispering into your ear with a cheeky grin. 

“He’s inside with his boys.” 

You glanced into the foyer, catching sight of the male in question. Your heart skipped a beat, excitement and trepidation bubbling inside you instantly. Though that emotion immediately manifested into disgust and doubt when a familiar voice came from behind you.

“Heard he’s married already, or at least engaged.”

You turned your head back, scowl already forming at the sound of her voice. Minah stood before you, her high school posse trailing behind her just like they did in their youth. And just like the old days, they were here to ruin your mood. But unlike your younger self, you were no longer afraid of them or unable to hold your ground.

“It’s been 10 years and you still keep tabs on all of us? Grow up, Minah,” You countered with a scoff, raising an eyebrow at her. Though you could not deny the anxiousness that seeped through your mind at the thought that Seungcheol had already found someone else.

“Besides, how would you know that? I doubt Seungcheol invited you or released any sort of engagement news to you,” Hyejin chimes in. “He didn’t like you one bit.”

Minah looked offended for a second before schooling in her expression to point a finger in Seungcheol’s direction.

“We walked by them earlier and Yura saw a ring on his fourth finger. Go figure.”

Yura nodded fervently, speaking up to back her leader, “Plus, the other boys didn’t seem fazed at all, so their relationship must have been pretty serious for a while now.”

Your heart sank, realising the truth to her words. Of course he had moved on, it had been ten years since you last spoke to each other.

Yet here you were, ten years older, but still very much in love with Choi Seungcheol.

-

Seungcheol’s eyes found your figure the moment you entered his peripheral, breath hitching at the sight of you. You waltzed in with Nayeon and Hyejin, Johnny trailing behind you three with a laugh. The familiar sight took him back to the days where he would stare at you from across the hallways, heart in his throat as he thought of ways to approach you.

The memories seemed to rush back ten-fold now that you were standing in the same space as he was. The playful laughter, ardent touches, languid kisses, and whispered dreams of the future.

Seungcheol had not expected you to show up to the reunion. Ever since he broke-up with you that one summer evening, you had disappeared overseas and had not returned ever since. He could still see your sobbing face in his mind’s eye, and your heartbroken sobs pounded in his ears, all the memories burned into his memories for eternity.

While he had intended for you to leave the country and pursue your dreams, his younger self had not accounted for the heartbreak the both of you had to go through, both alone. That, and the fact that you never spoke to him ever again.

For a time, a part of him had been bitter that you did not understand his intentions, that you did not understand his love for you. But his older self knew better now; the two of you had not been ready for each other.

He shook the thoughts out of his head, fingers subconsciously prodding at the ring on his fourth finger as he focused on what his friends were saying.

Things were different now. 

-

You knew you had to face Seungcheol eventually, yet you remained unprepared when you finally stood before him. The amber tones of the chandeliers overhead cast a warm glow on his features, and the familiarity of the sight almost brought tears to your eyes.

“Hi.” You attempted a smile, though it came out slightly forced and awkward.

Time had done him well, his features sharpening over the years to form a more chiselled version of the face you remembered. Despite the early wrinkle lines that had begun to form around his eyes, Seungcheol still proved dashing as he reached out to pull you into a friendly hug.

“Hi, stranger,” he joked, making your lips curve up into a genuine smile. However, the feeling of metal against your back pulled you out of nostalgic reverie, the smile slipping off your face.

As you pulled back from the hug, you felt Johnny rest a hand on your shoulder, his squeeze of comfort indicating that the trio had seen the ring in question. Your heart ached, but you forced the smile back on at the sight of Seungcheol’s confused gaze. Yet nothing could have prepared your heart for the emotions which ran through your veins when you finally allowed your eyes to fall to the ring on his finger.

The cool metal resting on a chain around your neck almost burned at the sight of its counterpart ; a pair of cheap rings sourced from a capsule machine the autumn you both turned seventeen.

“So, is there a Mrs. Choi?” Minah asked in a faux saccharine tone, casting a snide look your way. You failed to notice, gaze fixated on Seungcheol as he chuckled bashfully.  

“No...” his eyes slid to you, the grin you loved so much adorning his face. “...not yet.”

Perhaps, this was the right time for you and me.

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 2: Twisted (Part 4)

Warnings: none...? (enjoy it for now XD)

Author notes: a kind of transition... More action in the next part, I promise!

Dazai-san's office was quiet when I entered, without bothering to knock on the door. It was not yet the middle of the afternoon, and the warm sun rays shone through the imposing bays, bathing the room with bright light. I sat down on the couch and contemplated how peaceful it was without my superior, before demanding my mind to come up with a plan to erase the slave trading company from the world. The orders given by the higher ups of the organisation had been clear; I could not let these people run free, for they had betrayed their contract with us and deserved to pay for our losses. In a way, the whole Port Mafia worked like an enterprise, a business, except it was led by a ruthless man who commanded countless armed men ready to kill on a single word from him. I sighed and closed my eyes. Ambushing them would be quite a difficult task. The location of the warehouse made it impossible to surround with the men and there was a single entrance, heavily guarded. Inside were stored the slaves, from different origins, whom I ideally wanted to spare from the fire, so launching a massive and blind attack was also not an option. Going all out for them in the open was not a wise plan, and I thought eliminating them from the inside was a much better strategy. As such, I had ordered the investigation team to gather information about Samejima Seiji that we could use against him.

For the moment, I could simply rest in the serene atmosphere of the empty office, without worrying about being beaten up by my whimsical executive. Erasing an entire organisation... I was not sure I could do this within a single night, just like Dazai-san and his partner, Nakahara-san, had done some time ago. This achievement had given them the title of sōkoku, double black, the strongest and most feared duo of the underground. I did not possess my superior's extraordinary foresight and intelligence, nor was I half as strong as Nakahara-san. His gravity manipulation ability was made for combat, it was undeniable, whereas mine... I did not even know how it could prove useful, considering I could not even control it. I was worthless, and deserving of the executive looking down at me. At least, if I could succeed this mission on my own, I would perhaps make sure he would not slap me upon returning by the end of the week.

A knock interrupted my train of thoughts and I groaned an annoyed "come in", much like Dazai-san each time someone would bring in a new pile of paperwork. It was Taneda-kun, the subordinate I had scolded in the torture room.

"Ogawa-san... I am there to bring you the intel we gathered about Samejima Seiji." He timidly said, putting the documents on the table in front of me.

"That's a thin file..." I grimaced before sighing.

"The man isn't very interesting..." He conceded "Shall I leave you alone?"

"Please." I nodded.

Once the door closed, I took a look at the information I had requested. There was not much, indeed, nothing exploitable at the very least. He did not even have a family I could have used to lure him into a trap, and despite being able to hack into his offshore accounts, stealing his money would not erase his organisation. As I was thinking about a strategy, at least a dozen of ships all around the world was transporting his slaves, which would bring in another tremendous amount of money. The fact he liked tennis was useless for the Port Mafia as well. The only thing I could use was his lewd tastes for women, but being the head of a slave trading company, he could surely have all the women he wanted for his personal pleasure. Finally, I came to believe it would be easier to drop a bomb on the warehouse and make them disappear all at once.

Once again, a knock disturbed me and, frankly annoyed, I stood up to open the door myself.

"I asked to be left alone —" I started grumbling before cutting myself "Oh. Yamada-san."

"I'm equally pleased to see you, Ogawa-kun. There is someone on the line who requests to talk to you." He gave me his most contemptuous look.

"I have a phone. Why didn't that person call me directly?" I crossed my arms.

"It is rather urgent, so I would appreciate that you do not ask any questions. For my and your sake." He replied curtly.

I was forced to follow him in the corridor, toward his office. It was fancier than Dazai-san's, heavily decorated with luxuries he would not be able to afford, did he not occupy such an important position in the Port Mafia. Without waiting for him to suggest it, I took a seat in front of the desk. He handed me the phone.

"Ogawa Yōko." I introduced myself "I was told you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes, indeed."

My blood froze in my vessels and my hand started shaking uncontrollably as I struggled to keep holding the phone. It could not be... I breathed out and tried to calm myself down. I could not let him hear how frightened I was.

"Dazai-san." I clenched my jaw "What would you want from me?"

"Tell Yamada to leave us alone." He ordered.

I did as told and, as the door closed, brought the phone back to my ear.

"I heard you interrogated a prisoner earlier. Is that right?"

"It is." I nervously tapped my finger against the desk "I gave my written report to Yamada-san and ordered an investigation on Samejima Seiji, the leader of the slave trading company we are after. I also obtained the location of their headquarters."

"I know the details, the report was sent to my mailbox." He stated, making me frown "Which is why I know the man was released. What I want to know is why. You are perfectly aware that we don't let them go."

"I judged he did not need to die and simply made sure he disappeared from Japan." I answered concisely.

"You are a fool for thinking he could be harmless." He scolded me, rather harshly despite his poised tone "Now that he is gone, we can't even know if he isn't going to inform his boss, and any plan we can make won't change the fact we lost the upper hand of surprise effect...!"

I sighed, slightly.

"The man chose China to start his new life with his wife and future child. I made sure they were escorted by our men from Tokyo to Beijing, and also personally called our contact within the Chinese embassy to provide them with a new identity, which means we can find them anytime. Besides, I do not think he would even try to go against us... Not after how I threatened him in the torture room." I explained.

"Oh? And how did you threaten them, Ogawa-kun?" He sounded more curious than angry.

"Oxytocin." I said, staring at a painting on the wall "With his pregnant wife at my mercy, obviously. Then, I crippled him by shooting a bullet in his hip. I made sure to send them a souvenir from their stay among us as well, to remind them we are watching."

"Excellent." He somewhat chuckled at the other side of the line "It seems I was wrong for worrying. Yamada only mentioned you had released our prisoner in the wild, after all, I could not help wanting to question you about your clumsy mistake."

"I understand..." I relaxed a bit "But my report contained everything I told you, including the methods of torture and details about their release... You said you had received it in your mailbox... But it was a handwritten version I had submitted to Yamada-san."

"Is that so? Perhaps I should have a talk with him, then... Anyway, I entrust you with taking care of that company, so no matter what that second in command says, you have free reins." He declared "Try not to disappoint, this time."

"Of course, Dazai-san." I accepted his orders.

Having been officially appointed to the task, I left the office of Yamada-san, not without a slight smirk as I gave him the phone back. Our superior wanted to have a few words with him about the reporting incident, and if he had expected that his false report would have doomed me, his lie would actually get him quite a lecture. However, I knew that he would not be demoted, because Dazai-san needed a stupid pawn he could move as he wished. The greedy man was the perfect tool for that motive, easily controlled and manipulated, quick to kiss up the higher ups and too nearsighted to see he was being played with. Quickly, I made my way back toward the executive's office, the only place where I could focus properly without being disturbed. There was no point in launching an attack on the organisation, we would have to kill them from the inside. I could still exploit his weakness for women and attempt to seduce him — I had been taught by Ane-san herself — but seeing as I lacked many feminine attributes, I would not even be able to get a glance from him. Disguising myself as a slave disgusted me, for I had been in their stead only a few months ago and entering the company undercover sounded like a waste of time. They were not that powerful, it was only the location of the warehouse which made it complicated. Then, I had an idea. Slaves were captured to be sold. As much as I despised this business, it was one of the Port Mafia's most important income, a market a powerful organisation like us could not neglect. Slaves were sent overseas, of course, but there were auctions in Yokohama as well. I had been the product of one of them, so I knew for sure such events occurred. I had seen different kinds of brands on many girls' skin, marking them for life as properties, and I recalled that particular company had been present as well. I only needed to know if they were to participate in another auction soon, or if there was a way to invite them to a scheduled one. Once everything would be settled, it would be my turn to infiltrate the event.

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[bangtan-madi]

All Of Our Lifetimes — One: Daymare

Pairing — Taehyung x Reader

Tags — boyfriend!Taehyung, husband!Taehyung reincarnation au, lovers to strangers and to lovers again, established relationship, implied soulmate au

Genre — fluff, angst, crime (ish)

Word Count — 2.7k

Summary — Does love ever truly end, or does it simply take another form in a new life? The cycle is like clockwork: your lives end and you’re reborn again. You’ve lived it over and over. Each cycle, one of you loses your memories and is tragically unaware until the other finds and awakens their lover. After all these eons, all these lifetimes, is it possible to find each other again—even when neither of you awakens with your memories? 

Part — 1 / 10

Warnings — swearing

A/N — This is going up a few hours earlier than I said previously, but I don’t care! Tuesday is the worst day of the week so I need to put out something good lol. Enjoy!

Previous — Next

"Find me... Find me... F—"

"—Oh, fuck me!"

Milo's temper tantrum draws you from your intense daydream. Jolting in your seat, breath ragged and heartbeat racing, you see your roommate throw a copy of her resume across the living room in a burst of rage.

"Fuck you," she points sharply at the paper, "fuck this, and fuck me!"

As Milo throws herself onto the couch, draping her forearm dramatically across her eyes, she heaves a heavy sigh and groans loudly.

"How are we supposed to have this much experience for an entry-level job, [Y/n]? We were lied to. I feel wronged. Can I sue?"

You shake your head, trying to push the daymare away from your mind. It's not the first time this has happened, and it certainly won't be the last, but somehow that man's face keeps coming back to you. Day and night, he's all you see when you close your eyes, almost like a memory...

You feign a smile as you reply, "Who are you gonna sue, Mi? You're the one that insisted on doing your resume yourself, after our internships."

Milo gestures extravagantly with her free hand, making shapes in the air with her fingers. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe the professor who told us that we'd have enough to get a job overseas by the time we graduated? Maybe the damned school who never mentioned the fact that South Korean's are so damn particular? Maybe my mom who never forced me to continue speaking Korean or writing Hangul when I was a kid so that I had to basically re-learn every-fucking-thing?"

The highs and lows of her complaints cause a laugh to slip out as you turn your attention back to your own resume, a digital copy ready for edits on your laptop. "You're gonna sue your Mrs. Choi? Doesn't sound like a great idea. Besides, I like her too much. Her kimchi is to die for. And if you had already known Korean and Hangul, we may have never met!"

Your best friend nods once, accepting this fact as true. "Probably not. That semester in a foreign language really did solidify our nerdiness about South Korea." She jabs a finger in your direction. "But I have a one-up on you 'cause my grandparents were first-gen immigrants from Seoul. So ha!"

Raising your hands in mock defeat, you retort, "You win that one. I'm just an American."

"So sad." The brunette sits up with an excited expression, eyes wide as she crawls over to you on your side of the sofa. "How about my academic advisor, if you can even call the woman an advisor for rehashing my own questions back at me? She convinced me that I could get a job anywhere, with any degree. So what did I go with? Interior design! I can't find a single freakin' job in Seoul for that! Not that doesn't require, like, three years experience, a particular certification that I conveniently did not get, and a signed contract with the Evil Underlord Satan."

"I really don't think that's gonna work, but hey go ahead and try!"

Milo shoves your shoulder playfully, turning to the television to change it to the New Year's Rockin' Eve show that you'd been waiting to start. "You're the one that took ethics classes! I thought you'd be able to tell me if I had a case."

You scoff, "I took business ethics, not legal ethics! But I can agree with you partly. That woman was of no help. At all. Glad I wasn't stuck with her as an advisor since I was in the communications program."

"Yeah, I like to compare her to our house: a conventional ranch with no personality."

You burst into laughter, and Milo hops up from the sofa, an amused expression on her face. She tosses the remote in your direction. "Get the channel right. I can't find it. I wanna watch the ABC exclusive. Pretty sure we get that through YouTube TV."

You catch the remote with ease and turn to the menu. "You think I know how this thing works? I only use Netflix and Crunchy Roll."

"Just shut up and search, will ya?"

You roll your eyes and do as your roommate asks. "Why ABC? Isn't it easier to just stream it online?"

"Becauuuse BTS! They're gonna be performing in, like, ten minutes!"

"What's that again?" you tease.

"Okay, I am not dealing with you right now. Don't make me come over there and hit you with the champagne bottle."

The last two words catch your attention. You turn around, rest your arms on the back of the sofa, and give your best friend the biggest puppy-dog eyes you can manage. "Pour me a glass, Jagiya?"

Milo smirks at the Korean pet name and grabs the golden bottle from the refrigerator. "Get your ass over here so we can pop it and move on. I ain't waiting for midnight. We got shit to do before then, and I can't work on this job-seeking stuff for another damn second without some alcohol in me."

You squeal a tiny, "Yay!" before leaping over the back of the sofa and joining your roommate in the kitchen.

After the champagne is popped and poured, both of you return to your places on the sofa. You take a sip from your glass as Milo calls your favorite local pizza place to place an order.

"Pickup in fifteen, which is perfect! I don't wanna miss BTS," she giggles, pushing her champagne away. "No drinking and driving. I can wait until I get back."

"You're giving up champagne for this band?" you tut, swirling your glass to show off the drink. "You must really love these boys."

Milo narrows her dark eyes at you and tosses her hair over her shoulder. "You'll see."

Another sip and you turn back to your laptop, the noise of the New Year's Rockin' Eve in the background. "Mhm, sure."

You continue to work in relative quiet for the next five minutes until Milo breaks the peace with an elated screech, a sound that is more similar to that of an animal than a twenty-something woman.

"They're on!" She grabs your arm and shakes it vigorously. "Look at them!"

You stop your edits to your portfolio and turn to the television with a sigh. The crowd has started to go mad over the seven men currently trotting up the stairs and on to the stage. The singing has already begun, and you have to admit that their voices harmonized spectacularly together.

But there's one voice, in particular, that is so familiar to you. Despite being mixed in with the group, the lowest register has your eyes leaving your laptop screen and shifting to the television. You can't put your finger on it, but there's something so soft, so real, so warm about it.

The camera zeroes in on the seven men. All are dressed to the nines and look like they're having a blast while performing. So not only can they sing and dance—and, for some, rap—they're all stupid good looking, each in their own unique way.

As the first song comes to a close, and Milo sings the last verse at the top of her lungs, the camera pans to the man in the center. He delivers some of the last lines in a voice as soft and warm as the one you'd heard amongst the mass. Except, this time, he stands out.

But you recognize more than his voice; his appearance is familiar, too. Despite remaining in the background for most of the first song's performance, there's something about the man with the wavy black hair and similarly colored trench coat that calls to you. On an ordinary day, on any other day, you would wave it off as a simple attraction.

But this—this is different. You can't put your finger on how or why, but you know that you've met this person before.

Lightning strikes. You know where you've seen this face before. He's been in your dreams and nightmares, your daymares and daytime imagination. He's been all over your mind, consuming it for the past few months. You've always had this dream, ever since you were a child, but lately, those nightmares have been getting more frequent. This man might be a slightly younger version than the one that plagues your dreams, but it's the same person. You're sure of it. Every time you close your eyes, his face is the one you see.

Right before you both die.

The next song begins, and the dark-haired stranger is back at the front. For the remainder of their eight-minute time slot, your eyes are glued to the screen, unable to comprehend where this person came from. You have distinct memories of your mother consoling a three-year-old you after having these same night terrors. Surely, you could not have seen this person back then. It's unlikely you saw him at all, and certainly not as he is at the turn of the decade.

"Who's that?"

Milo follows your gesture, seeing the raven-haired man taking center stage once again. "That's Kim Taehyung! Pretty, isn't he?" She chuckles at your expression. "You have a bias already, damn that's impressive. I mean, I'm more of a Hoseok girl myself but..."

Your roommate's chatter fades away as your attention is once again drawn to the screen. The performance ends, and the show shifts to a different artist, all part of the New Year's Rockin' Eve circus.

"Welp, that was worth the wait, but  I'm gonna go pick up that pizza," Milo cheers, hopping to her feet. "Don't drink all the champagne before I get back!" 

You shake your head and wave to the brunette as she slips out the door. Turning back to your laptop, you open a new search bar and put in two words: Kim Taehyung.

Millions of results pop up, everything from Wikipedia articles to Koreaboo gossip posts and everything in between. The entire time Milo is gone, you spend online researching BTS' V. By the end of the half-hour, you've learned quite a bit about him—taking particular note that his birthday is just a few days after yours—and have stalked his social media.

A little farther down on the results, you see an ad for Big Hit Entertainment. The ad says that the company is looking for bi-lingual speakers, preferably English and Korean, to hire as a production assistant. Out of curiosity, you click on the link and are taken to Big Hit's site.

Milo returns with fanfare, holding the pizza in front of her like Simba the lion. "It's the cirrrcle of life!" she sings. "They were definitely talking about pizza when they wrote that line."

As she plops the box onto the kitchen counter, you make a sound of vague agreement. Milo asks you how many pieces you want, but you hardly hear her, eyes skimming the job posting over and over.

Is this a possibility? Is this something you're actually considering? Besides the fact that you just saw the add a few minutes ago, your reasons for applying are vague at best. Are you weighing the real options, or are you leaning into this particular job because it might lead you to answers? Or maybe give you an opportunity to meet this Kim Taehyung, maybe even ask him questions?

"Hello? Earth to [Y/n]!" Milo reaches over the back of the sofa to wave a hand in front of your face. Snapping you out of your stupor, your best friend laughs. "Damn, what are you reading? You're really out—wait...is that Big Hit? You found a job posting? What!"

Milo grabs your laptop and pulls it from your grasp. "Mi—"

She brings it over the back of the couch, placing it on the counter beside the pizza. Her brown eyes are wide and curious as she scrolls through the information. "Production assistant for Big Hit, in Seoul, for a bi-lingual speaker with no prior experience? Dude. This is the perfect job! Like, seriously, where did you find this?"

"On Google," you sigh, knowing that you're not going to get the laptop back until Milo relinquishes her control. You settle in on the stool beside her. "I was looking...for postings while you were gone. I stumbled across it."

Milo cocks an eyebrow and shows you your search history, terms which mostly consist of "BTS," "BTS V," and "Kim Taehyung."

"Mhm, suuure, we'll go with job postings."

You take the device from her with a playful scowl. "My point remains. This is exactly what I've been looking for. It says here that the job would be a lot of translation work, both in person and on documents. I'd also assist in the studio while recording or producing. And various other tasks, but I think it'd put my communications major to good use. It's a step in the right direction."

"You sure you just don't wanna see Taehyung-ssi?" she giggles.

A rising feeling of defensiveness comes over you as you close your laptop, moving to the sofa to retrieve your glass of champagne. "I just heard BTS for the first time tonight, Milo. I'm not about to pick my first post-college job and move half-way around the world for a boy I don't even know, let alone a K-pop boy."

"A cute K-pop boy, though." 

You return to her side, raising both eyebrows in an expression that says, "Really?"

Milo shrugs, raising her hands in mock surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll let it go. Just an odd choice for you."

"Well, it's like we were saying earlier." You grab a piece of pizza from the box and shove the end into your mouth. "What'd we got t'lose?"

Milo makes a "close your mouth" gesture with her hand, grimacing at the sight. "Points were made. Fine, but maybe sleep on it? And this is me telling you to not be impulsive," she laughs towards the end. "But what the hell. If you go for it, I might have to find a job in Seoul sooner than I thought."

"I'm sure there are thousands of applicants," you grimace, the reality of the situation settling in. 

Milo grabs a slice for herself and wraps an arm around your shoulders. "And you're worth each and every one of 'em." After pressing a loud kiss to your temple, she slips from the bench and plops back down on the sofa. "C'mon! We got some balls to drop and resumes to edit."

Later that evening, or earlier the next morning, you're left cleaning up as Milo reclines on the sofa in a tipsy slumber. After the New Year rolls in, along with a brand new decade, you're left alone with your thoughts. 

Thoughts and several disposable dishes.

As you tidy up, you contemplate the options in front of you. Sure, you'd sent out several resumes to plenty of companies already. Some of which you'd heard absolutely nothing from, while others have let you know they'll get back to you about a possible interview. So far, nothing has been terribly promising.

So what' the harm in applying for the Big Hit job in Seoul?

The other half of your motivation slips into your sleepy mind. The person you've seen since childhood, could he really be Taehyung? Could you finally be so close to the answers? Why only one dream? Why him? Why so much blood and death?

Does he dream of you, too?

The laptop remains on the kitchen counter, and your fingers itch to open it up and send off your completed resume. This could lead to more than just a new job and a fresh start; this could lead to the answers you've been seeking ever since you were three years old.

A tiny voice inside you says, "Do it."

And, against your better judgment, you listen. 

[eunahfmdarchive]

so-so - full lyrics credit, full composition credit, full production credit. date: january 2021-ish. word count: 1,813, not including lyrics. as per usual, this sucks <3 but also it was kind of fun. did i write it well? no, but it was fun. uHH don’t bother reading this, and beth i’m really sorry that you have to. CW: very brief mentions of sex.

what’s her sound? eunah laments over the question for a long time. is it problematic for her to investigate her musical identity so closely? does it make what she writes less sincere? or on the contrary, does it make the end product more thoroughly thoughtful? last year, eunah spent a lot of time questioning her style of songwriting. it mostly came as a result of appearing on our songs, where the different assignments pushed her out of her comfort zone. and since then, the music she writes has become more varied. even so, eunah feels an urge to return to her roots, to write something with more theatrical leanings. over the last year, she’s become a lot more concerned with writing songs that will sell, trapping herself within walls of dimensions entertainment’s design.

it would be nice to write something just for her, for a change.

rather than settling down in front of her piano with her notebook to write another generic love song, eunah decides that, for once, she wants to be as honest as she can in what she creates, instead of dressing up her feelings inside of another song for dimensions’ approval. 

it’s not like nobody’s good enough for me i just don’t quite feel like it i meet guys once or twice or maybe a few days but the awkwardness is always there

when it comes to romance, the last couple of years have been ... interesting for eunah. she’s happy where she is right now, contented in her singleness, but things haven’t always been that way for her. only a handful of weeks ago, she was seeing someone, and entertaining the idea of making it official. a lot of boys have come and gone with surprising fleetingness, all of them usually inspiring a song or three. nowadays though, when she thinks back on them and their relationships, she doesn’t feel much. she remembers their dates and kisses in a largely neutral fashion, and finds that, even without those guys by her side, she feels just fine. it’s sort of disheartening to realise that maybe she’s still the girl she was three or so years ago, back when she was so much more emotionally distant. she doesn’t seem to be able to make any romantic relationship last. or maybe, it’s just that she’s become less dependent on others. maybe, she’s more independent than she thought. she’d like to fall in love for real one day, to let go of her inhibitions completely and feel freely, but the idea of that is scary as well. as happy as she is right now, maybe it’s safer for her to maintain a certain amount of distance in her romantic affairs. perhaps this is just the way she loves -- neutrally, carefully, awkwardly, but sincerely.

she still isn’t confident enough to have sex with the lights on. 

no matter who i meet so-so being alone is just so-so not so exciting but not all that bad (so-so) i’m starting to forget what love is supposed to be like i can’t even remember

though i’m jealous of couples (how lucky) i’m not that lonely being alone (it’s quite alright) my phone never rings and I’m free on weekends the only thing i hate is myself in front of the tv

so-so is just the right way to express it. the song, she realises, isn’t just only for herself in the context of thinking too hard about what the company wants, but it’s taking back at least some of her creative agency from her exes. she loved them, truly, but it’s freeing to write as eunah -- just eunah, rather than a version of herself connected to someone else. 

there’s a desire for companionship underlying it all. that’s unavoidable. people are desperate to rid themselves of loneliness more than anything else, she thinks. but eunah isn’t lonely. being alone isn’t an issue for her, but non-action is. the image of herself reflected back at her on a darkened television screen makes her wrinkle her nose. it makes her feel like she isn’t being productive, or that at the very least there should be someone sitting next to her, arm thrown around her shoulder. or, when she sees herself on the screen, singing about love, or, more recently, acting in love. is it normal to feel jealous of her on screen self? maybe.

but there’s no prince and princess ending for hong seol either. that’s a refreshing aspect of the show, of the character. 

she supposes though, that that’s part of her motivations too. if she isn’t attached to someone in her personal life, she’s attached to someone else via her profession ... she likes that, she thinks, the ability to slip into a second skin. she likes the time she has alone too, though. 

once again, everything is just so-so.

the lyrics come together easily enough, a rare blessing for someone like her, who usually pieces scraps of sentences together for weeks until she finds an order that she likes, habitually swapping things around at the last possible chance, ten minutes before stepping into a recording booth. with the actual music itself, eunah’s a lot less finicky and fickle. sitting in front of her piano, eunah thinks about let me in -- she’s come a long, long way since then, but she’s still that girl. she spent a lot of time trying to recover a previous version of eunah, but she came to the conclusion, eventually, that she’s not going to be able to go back there. she’s changed, and that’s okay. maybe this won’t be the song to show her progress through its lyrics, but she thinks it could be a song to call back to let me in in a stylistic sense. a song with a musical sort of tone. 

it’s a self indulgent decision to return to her roots, in much the same way that choosing to write an uninterested, bored-with-love love song was in the first place. the songs she’s written most recently have taken her out of her comfort zone. dancing cartoon, count you out, painting and seattle alone all forced her to use a little more brain power than she’d usually put into coming up with melodies, and twice as much brain power again for the ones she produced for. eunah doesn’t consider herself to be that good at production yet, so she focuses on making a type of song that she could hopefully work with easily. eunah’s hands pause atop the keys of her piano. she wasn’t sure at what stage she’d mentally committed to producing the song herself as well, but she apparently had. 

her progress on the song is quicker than usual. writing this song -- she thinks she’ll call it so-so after all -- isn’t as strenuous as writing some of her others. eunah’s never been the type to believe that a song’s worth directly equates to the amount of blood, sweat, and tears shed in the process of making it. in fact, she finds it relaxing, as she constructs a mid-tempo, largely cheery tune for her lyrics. the melody still turns somber at some points, to fit the more contemplative parts of the lyrics, but the music quickly picks up again for the chorus. she wants the song to really be something that highlights her voice and her abilities. the music, she decides, will ultimately be an accompaniment in a very true sense. a lot of the songs idols put out nowadays have instrumental heavy choruses rather than vocally focused ones. it doesn’t even stop there, extending to pop songs from overseas too. eunah doesn’t mind that to listen to, or to perform in 7rophy, but she doesn’t think that she could pull off something like that by herself. 

when she pushes back from her piano, all of her notes scribbled down messily across a handful of pages, eunah breathes out a tired sigh -- tired, yes. sad? frustrated? no, quite the opposite. she hums her new song to herself as she drifts off to sleep.

once the melody is pinned down and she records the vocals, eunah plants herself squarely in her studio at dimensions headquarters, essentially living out of there for a handful of days and leaving crys’ care to her roommate. it’s not officially her studio or anything, but it’s the one she uses nine times out of ten that she needs somewhere to work on her music. she’s grateful for the space, and for the agency she has over her solo music. she knows, however, if the finished product isn’t what dimensions want, they’ll make whatever edits they want. that’s why this stage, the final one, is so important. she’s busy these days with press junkets and promotional material for cheese in the trap, and this is the first chance she’s really had to toy around with the song’s production properly. there were moments that eunah could have stolen before, but she wanted to wait for a time in her schedule when she was able to consistently work on it. she’s made some amendments to the tune and lyrics since, the last of which happened right before recording the version of her vocals that she went with. she realised after how the lyrics might be read or interpreted more sadly than she initially intended them to come across. she leans into it though, pleased to see her song taking on somewhat of a life of its own. with that in mind, recording went smoothly.

it is sad, she ultimately agrees, even as she arranges the background instrumentals in a decidedly happy leaning order. acting through her voice is something eunah has always prided herself on. it’s her strongest skill -- some would probably say it’s her only skill. if that really is the case, eunah thinks that it’s a fine skill to have, if she can really only have one. it’s a good thing too, because after countless edits and a spread of versions with only slight differences for her to choose from, the one that eunah likes best is the one where her voice does most of the work. the arrangement of the instruments isn’t particularly interesting or unique, but it’s pretty and listenable, and does exactly the job she wanted it to. it’s a perfect accompaniment for her voice, climbing in just the right spots to support her belts, and lulling into silence just after her vocals softly peter out. there’s backing vocals added throughout, layers of her own voice propping her primary self up, appearing in just the right places as echoed confirmations of the lyrics’ lamentations. eunah likes a song that comes with all the bells and whistles as much as the next musical theatre fan (professional? she supposes she is) or noise music performing idol, but she think a song like this is what suits her best. though she set out on a well-intentioned but always doomed quest to define her style by returning to her roots and making something theatrical, she ended up with something simple. something that, in its difficulty level, might be described by its own title -- so-so. maybe she’s just less dramatic nowadays. her emotions have definitely been reined in, in a good way; in a manageable way. worrying about her music’s sincerity won’t get her anywhere.

and anyways, it’s fine, she thinks, for me to be so-so about things. i spent too long losing myself to my emotions already. eunah figures that, to some extent, life is good if life is boring. submitting it with a slight, but satisfied smile, eunah can only hope that the title isn’t predictive of the song’s reception.

[diederichs-gen2]

like 2 stars floating in the universe | the diederich men

The goal was to pleasantly surprise Rowan with his presence rather than scare the man half to death, but unfortunately, the latter had to come to fruition before the former. Walking into their apartment after a rather ordinary day of work to the sound of bustling in the kitchen when the Quidditch player in their relationship was supposed to be overseas prepping for a semi-finals match was alarming. But not as much as getting swept up in Detlev’s arms as soon as he crossed the threshold into the kitchen. 

“I know you have that whole thing with your parents tonight…” As Detlev spoke, Rowan peered over the man’s shoulder to the simple but thought-out spread laid out on their dining table. “But I thought I could steal you away for just a little bit first?” Rowan didn’t have to look at Detlev’s boldly familiar grin to know it was there. Lips touched his jaw in a manner that his 16-year-old self never would have imagined, adding to the slight shiver that chased across him to hear Detlev’s voice in closer proximity than it had been in weeks, “Happy birthday, my love.”

─

Ordinarily, reorganizing boxes of inventory at the back of the shop wouldn’t be quite an exciting task, but with a bargain on the line of the more efficient stocker getting to choose their son’s outfit for the evening’s engagements, Renee and Jo were rather motivated. In between storing their materials almost a little too precariously in a bid to win their little challenge, Renee’s eyes caught on his own plaid shirt, worn but comfortable where they rested on Jo’s shoulders, hugging to her loosely as he often wished to be in these moments.

Later tonight when they joined their families and varying members of the community to celebrate the very woman always on Renee’s mind, she’d look very different. No less herself but wonderful in different ways, with the little boy on her hip that was the pride and joy of their lives, and Renee almost couldn’t decide which version of her he loved more. He could’ve pondered on it right then, made an entire pros and cons list in his mind, weighing each time he’d seen her milling about the shop and simply been disarmed by her mere presence, against every family, anniversary, and birthday dinner where he’d openly tuned out speakers to gaze upon her. 

But instead, his attention was pulled away by the corner of a box poking at his side as Jo herself teased that with the pace he had slowed down to it was almost as if he wanted Yago to be dressed entirely by her. Renee supposed that at the end of the day, having to decide whether he was going to daydream about his wife or kick her ass in every challenge she posed him with, wasn’t such a terrible problem to have.

─

In hindsight, Soren was lucky he didn’t get whacked upside the head, appearing at Leo’s bedside at midnight and poking his friend awake the way he did but he would do it again if he had to. He had to be the first, no matter what it took, no matter that it went against his instincts to creep out of his own dorm and into the Gryffindor ones, arms full with loot. No matter that he’d never done something so bold as to insist Leo scoot over in a whispered command so he could not only squish onto the single bed beside his friend but dump a variety of Honeyduke’s sweets mixed in with a handful of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes trinkets before them. To know which was being picked up in the darkness of the room was part of the game and the grin on Soren’s lips as he latched onto each of Leo’s reactions wasn’t just an eagerness to know if his friend approved or not. It was the show of his racing heart, his red-tipped ears, the adventurous heart he’d never mustered the bravery to show anybody else. It was a thanks for helping me be the most me I’ve ever felt, all wrapped into the simple words of, “We’re going to make this your happiest birthday ever, Leo.”

─

After their last encounter, Malekai almost expected her not to open the door for him. Nothing should be bating his breath anymore at this age but to stand there in front of her home once more, this time without the words, “go home to your wife” ringing in his ears, he could have sworn he was 17 again. Despite the suspense, she let him in, as she always did against her better instincts, and Malekai stepped in slowly, glancing around the space where he’d nearly gone mad with the burden of both of their choices, past, present, and even potential ones. 

She could never know the lengths he went to in order to track down the Greek dessert that he set down on her table, trapped in the past to survive since she wouldn’t allow them to ascend into their future. But even if she wouldn’t know of them, she deserved every second he poured into this since he had the thought of it, every moment it took away from the others in his life, every location he visited in search, every bit of nostalgia that touched him along the way. She deserved for him to be at her feet in mind when his body stood a foot above hers at all times. 

She had turned him away last time, unwilling to rock the boat when all they had done their entire youths was lean into the waves, crashing headlong into the shore with laughter at their lips. But now she had lived one more year, decades longer than either of them had thought they’d make it in life and it was a call for celebration. A call to sink the hull just a splash, a call for an embrace, for closeness, for a whispered and careless, “I’ve been thinking about you. But I didn’t want to wait for your say so to come along today.”

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 16/?

FMA AU meets “The Wind Rises” AU : “I still remember every day”

[crazy idea #1: if you are familiar with FMA: Brotherhood (superior in every way) you probably are too young or too smart to remember the original 2003 FMA clusterfuck series but i’m neither young nor smart so here is my take on one of my favorite animated movies of all times “The Conqueror of Shamballa” BUT the story doesn’t start in 1923 Germany but somewhere around 1923 Japan. If you are familiar with this movie and the 2003 series you will know Ed Elric has moved from London to Munich and started living there frequently interacting with a family of rocket scientists (sounds crazy if you are only knowledgeable with FMA: B, but… trust me). So i thought, “what if our protagonist (in this case WWX) travels from China to Japan to work on some airplanes instead?”]

[crazy idea #2: “The Wind Rises” from Ghibli is set in that historical period right? so what if we make transmigrated WWX work his engineering magic on some aircrafts before any conflict can actually take place? precisely between the end of the Taisho period (1912-1926) and the beginning of the Showa period (1926-1989), when the desire for innovation and the new technological advancements could be implemented while at peace.]

[obviously, this is just a prompt, and I don’t feel particularly comfortable with creating fantasy storylines so intertwined with actual historical events, especially if these events caused the suffering of many and belong to a culture that is not mine to describe with the potential risk of offending its values and legacy. also, fandom should be fun and if you love angst maybe this is not the prompt for you. on the other hand I thought of how much i love movies like “Porco Rosso”, set somewhat really fucking close to where I live while describing a fun and lighthearted narrative even if it’s dealing with historical and political events that are still fresh and painful in our collective memory nowadays. Maybe it is possible to write something easy and fun while, at the same time, setting it in a time of great difficulties without hurting anyone. Maybe I’m not the person for that (after all, this is just a prompt), but if you want to explore a similar plot you are encouraged to tag me bc I would really like to know your take on the matter. and if I happen to offend anyone I will properly apologize and take responsibility.]

[the title is from L’Arc-en-Ciel’s song “Lost Heaven”, which still makes me cry to this day]

*

When Wei WuXian wakes up after the core transplant surgery, the first thing he realizes is that he should be awake. Wen Qing insisted on the fact that he had to keep himself awake and conscious for the entirety of the procedure, otherwise he would have suffered from extreme backlash and so would have Jiang Cheng. But here he is, waking up from slumber after who know how many days. In front of a figure in white he doesn’t recognize. Everything is blurry in his periphery, as if he’s inhabiting two bodies at the same time. His every move heavy and his speech sluggish.

The person in white turns the moment Wei WuXian realizes he’s standing in the middle of nowhere, in the space between realities.

“Where am I?”, he asks, trying to make out the features of the person in front of him, their long white hair, the silver lining of their robes.

“You’re here to pay a price.”, the other answers, their voice a mere whisper. Barely louder than the crisp little noises the pins and jewelry adorning their hair and neck are making as the person approaches him slowly.

“A price for what?”

“Before losing consciousness, you wished for your brother to be saved no matter what.”

“Is… is Jiang Cheng safe?”

“He’s dying because you fell asleep.”, the other announces, sending shivers down Wei WuXian’s spine, dread sitting in the middle of his chest, “You cannot wake up, the damage is done. But if you enter this door you will be able to save him. Your body in this world will die, the core will not share two owners at once and your brother will be the only one able to use it from now on.”

Wei WuXian doesn’t have time to feel pain, determination painting him in vibrant colors in that white realm of silence and void. He turns as the person in white gestures him to do so and he finds a door so big it could rival with one of the gates of Koi Tower. Engraved on its surface are myriads of characters reminding him of something ancient and forbidden. Something so dark and dangerous not even cultivators as knowledgeable as Lan QiRen would be able to understand, let alone encourage learning about.

“What will i find on the other side?”, he wonders, watching as the gates slowly open in front of him, a warm wind spiraling upwards and messing his hair.

A kiss from the underworld.

Is this the day I die, he doesn’t ask.

“Another world.”, the woman in white and silver answers honestly.

Wei WuXian doesn’t have time to recognize her that he is dragged inside by a thousands of spirits with eyes for mouths and teeth for hands.

*

Mere months have passed since he woke up in a body similar to his original one, but completely different from his own at the same time. He’s still seventeen, but cannot rely on cultivation anymore. The brand scar he received in the cave of the Tortoise of Slaughter is nowhere to be seen. His mother and father welcomed him back in their arms, crying over his bedridden body thanking the heavens for saving their only son from typhoid fever. He knew deep down those were not his true parents, that Cange Sanren had a different name on top of that and that their actual son’s soul was probably the sacrificial lamb paid on the altar of Wei WuXian’s greed to save his only brother. He knew this since day one, yet he was too tired to say anything at the time. He woke up in a small village in the Hubei Province under the Republic of China, established twelve years prior. A reality almost identical to his own, but stripped of any power of the cultivation world.

However, now things have changed and his parents have died a second time, the fever and starvation taking them in their sleep one at a time. But not before his mother could send a desperate letter to an old acquaintance of hers asking them to take their son “Wei Ying” out of the country and save him from harm. After accepting her proposition, the Chinese diplomat Jiang Fenmiang has invited Wei Ying to live with him and their family in Tokyo, where he’s working in order to strengthen and acquiesce the relations between the two countries after a period of tension and grievances.

As he travels on what he understands to be called a “train”, Wei WuXian takes notes over the many technological advancements this new era has brought to humanity. Such as the ferry he has taken to travel overseas and now the locomotive taking him to Tokyo. The pain of losing his parents for the second time is still fresh, as is the memory of the past few months living alone on the streets chased by rabid dogs. His body is still weak after surviving the fever and his lungs and digestive system are forever compromised, but he wants to meet Jiang Chen and YanLi a second time in this new world. Feeling guilty for leaving them in a world ruled by the Qishan Wen clan, the only thing he can do is to atone in this new life and protect them in this reality. He takes a brief moment to himself as he looks up from his notes and sees a man approaching from the first class carriage of the train.

Initially Wei WuXian doesn’t regard the stranger with anything but a polite nod, some of his notes flying away from his journal as he adjusts himself on the platform at the end of his car. He sprints up to try to catch them... before the stranger could grab them for him and give them back.

It’s then that Wei WuXian recognizes the man, an older version of Lan Zhan from the one he remembers, dressed in modern clothing and shorter hair. He’s just another double, a copy of the original he used to know. Just like his mother and father, just like the Jiang family he’s going to meet soon. No recognition comes from the other-Lan Zhan, yet Wei WuXian lets himself stare for longer than necessary as he thanks the man.

A single tear rolls down his cheek as an earthquake shakes the train and destroys everything around them in that day of September 1923.

[details down below]

1923:

(WWX is 17)

the train stops and all the passengers survive, but they are scared and don’t know how to reach Tokyo safely by foot. Some officers guide them to the nearest road and help them walk for a while before they have to leave for the capital in an attempt to contain the flames of the many fires caused by the earthquake.

Lan Zhan’s double has the same name and features, but is now twenty-five and was supposed to arrive in Tokyo to meet with his brother, Lan Huan’s double. He’s a little more cheerful than what WWX remembers and he also decides to stick with the younger man all the way to Tokyo. After glancing at WWX’s notes earlier, in fact, double!LanZhan recognizes him as someone from his same country and reasons they should feel safer traveling together for a little while more.

given that trying to explain his situation to double!LanZhan would be useless, WWX simply agrees and shoves down any temptation to tell him all about Gusu and the cave and how much he wishes he could go back to his original world. They walk all the way to Tokyo talking quietly: they are surrounded by strangers, WWX doesn’t know much Japanese to begin with and he doesn’t want to be recognized as a foreigner.

uncle Jiang, along with some clothes to travel more comfortably, has sent him enough money to travel and direction to reach his home. The only thing WWX hopes is that nobody was injured in the earthquake and that no more waves can reach them before he can join them. What an unfortunate time to arrive. Aunt Yu would probably hate him in this reality too just because of that.

but as he trails behind double!LanZhan and enters Tokyo, WWX feels as if hell has found its way into the world, flames everywhere and nowhere to go. In the midst of chaos, however, double!LanZhan tries to keep him from fainting or shaking, talking about all the things he and his brother wish to work on as architects working for the government. Yet, WWX senses how worried he is for his twin brother and pities him as he tries to calm down, marveling at how much this version of Lan Zhan can talk. They walk towards the Jiang household as double!LanZhan chats about the university he’s supposed to work for the following month, wondering if it’s still intact after the catastrophe.

they reach the elegant house without any more troubles, relief spreading through their hearts as they notice it has endured little to no damage. Uncle Jiang scurries over them and immediately recognizes WWX bc of how much he resembles his mother and the man dotes on him from then on. He thanks double!LanZhan profusely, ignoring the resentful glances coming from his wife and the curious ones from his daughter. A kid roughly the same age as WWX approaches and takes the other’s only suitcase: a scowl on his face and hurry in his steps, telling WWX to keep up because “the world is crashing down if he hadn’t noticed”.

WWX doesn’t have time to properly thank double!LanZhan that he is urged inside by his new family.

1927:

(WWX is 21)

given the connections the Jiang family has in both countries, WWX and his step siblings are able to enjoy benefits others may only dream of, but the government is wary of foreigners and they need to act as good guests. This angers and stresses Jiang Cheng, his temper even worse than what WWX remembers, and he is even more rebellious than his new stepbrother. It’s WWX who needs to tone down the other’s snark at times, reminding him they cannot do as they please and that, even if others are jealous of their grades in university and overall position, they are still living in difficult times.

WWX knows this Jiang Cheng is a double ant that everything feels like a dream and nothing matters anymore, but if he pretends hard energy maybe he can stop feeling guilty for leaving his dear ones behind. But acknowledging this Jiang Cheng as the real one feels wrong and sometimes WWX distances himself from him, keeping his secrets for himself.

however, double!JiangCheng has seen his brother scream in his dreams, even waking him up in the middle of the night just to shake him from his horrible nightmares. Sometimes Wei Ying watches him in his sleep, when he hasn’t yet realized double!JiangCheng is awake, as checks for his breath. Other times he pressed a hand to his abdomen, as if checking for scars or injuries. He doesn’t know what it means, but he is willing to wait for the other to come around and they’ll him himself.

their sister YanLi has figured a way to be useful in a country wary of foreigners by studying to become a doctor and save lives. Their father is currently struggling at work because of the increasing tensions between the two countries and their mother keeps to herself in spite of everything.

WWX’s health deteriorates after he starts working, their supervisor suggesting him and his brother to keep a low profile just not to attract any unwanted attention on their family. Their work as engineers can convince the higher-ups to keep them close in case war were to strike again. But Jiang Cheng feels bad for working for a country constantly threatening his parent’s home country over mining rights and land ownership. He may love working on new aircrafts and test his limits, but he’s against using his energy and drive for appease someone else’s greed.

WWX, for the first time in his life, feels second to his brother, admiring his ability to distinguish from right and wrong while he himself cannot even tell dreams and reality apart. With a weakened body and a mind filled with memories of a world that doesn’t even exists, WWX convinces himself he’s in hell and this life is the punishment for being too greedy himself.

1929:

(WWX is 23, double!LWJ is 30)

tension is too strong for them to live in Tokyo, with Uncle Jiang forced to work for the government and scramble for solutions in order to keep his family safe in a secluded location in the mountains, in a hotel in the middle of nowhere. There, the elites enjoys the last days of peaceful times they will not see again for years to come.

WWX feels drained, dreaming of people he will either never see again or see every single day in the faces of strangers. Jiang Cheng convinces him to talk, even if only to ease his pain, but WWX cannot bring himself to reveal the whole truth. The only thing he feels like to share is that he has visions of another world and that maybe reincarnation is not as far fetched as it seems.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t really believe him, but he supports him and together with YanLi they try to make Wei Ying relax during their vacation on the mountains.

there, out of nowhere, WWX meets double!LanZhan and his brother: they meet on top of a hill as the wind rises and some of the two brothers’ musical scores fly away. WWX and his stepbrother catch them and bring them back as YanLi approaches the two musicians.

this time, WWX notice immediately something is wrong. Double!LanZhan is far less cheerful than what he remembers from their first encounter, while his brother seems to have lost his vision, music being his only comfort. The group exchanges pleasantries with the twins on top of the hill, until rain forces them all to seek refuge under some trees. WWX watches double!LanZhan closely and realizes these years apart must have been tough on him. He asks if double!LanHuan has lost his sight after the earthquake and the only thing double!LanZhan is able to do is nod, his eyes filled with tears.

Would it be so bad to befriend this other-LanZhan? Is it right for WWX to start a new life in hell with someone so compassionate and kind? Maybe that would be okay in the end, maybe they can be good friends and survive this world that is wary of them simply because of the greed of human kind. Then why does it feel wrong to let himself be loved by these people? Why does it feel like he’s betraying the ones he has left behind?

during their vacation, the two families get closer and they enjoy each other’s company. They talk in Japanese to not be stared by the other patrons and WWX wonders what happened in his world. If the Wens have crumbled down. If their name is synonymous with hatred and greed. If this is how any refugee would feel, isolated from the rest of the country while desperately trying to hold onto any familiar face and memory at hand.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t like to talk in another language and fear others might look down on him and seldom attracts attention by causing mayhem. But YanLi and even double!LanHuan help him come down from his stubborn antics and take him to long walks to calm down. This way, WWX and double!LanZhan are frequently left alone, because Wei Ying cannot walk for too long without feeling exhausted and so the other keeps him company.

since double!LanZhan is so under the weather and quiet, WWX takes it upon himself to entertain him and he spends their days chatting about the things he misses from home, what he would like to do if he were to live somewhere else, they airplanes he would like to make. He doesn’t talk about how much me misses flying on a sword, or how the wind fills under his clothes up in the air, or how much he would have loved to hold onto Lan Zhan among the stars at night.

WWX cries in front of double!LanZhan without noticing one day, missing the days at the Cloud Recesses when they were classmates and he used to pester the other boy. And only now, only now he understands what it was, what he wanted to convey with his antics. How much he wanted the other to notice him and pay attention to him. But the one rubbing a comforting hand up and down his spine now is not his Lan Zhan. Even if he’s just as kind and compassionate, just as quiet and brilliant, just as hurt and lonely.

they share a kiss under the trees of a meadow one afternoon and WWX feels like he’s either betraying the real Lan Zhan or this gentle young man who’s never done anything bad in his entire life. And he doesn’t know why double!LanZhan is crying as well as they kiss, but he’s too afraid to ask.

the following day Uncle Jiang calls the rest of his family back home and the Jiang siblings say their goodbyes to the twins hiding alone with their uncle on the mountain. Promising to meet each other again soon, even if WWX knows that’s most likely nothing but a well intentioned lie given the hardships they’re bound to face.

1930:

Lan Zhan:

(WWX is 24, double!LWJ is 31)

after meeting with the Jiang family, the twins try to retrieve their life as usual the moment they return in Tokyo for the winter. Their uncle notices double!LanZhan’s distress over departing from the young men he had met there, but his inquiry is fruitless since his nephew refuses to speak. The old man has noticed some changes in the younger twin over the course of a couple of years or so: his frequent migraines and tiredness, his laborious efforts to speak as if feverish and confused, his nights interrupted by nightmares more often than not.

even his brother has noticed the difference despite losing his vision in the fire at the imperial university seven years prior. His cheerful spirit is gone, his steps alternate different rhythms at times, and even his accent often doesn’t sound familiar to him. In his younger brother’s words “it’s almost as if two of me are residing in a single body”. But Lan Huan doesn’t know what to make of it, wishing he could look his brother in the eyes and see the truth for himself.

double!LanZhan, on the other hand, feels split in half ever since he has kissed Wei Ying. He remembers that day because his body has moved on its own, half of his mind lost in Wei Ying’s grey eyes while the other half (his own half) was trying to understand why the sudden urge to hold the boy tighter in his arms. He felt like someone had possessed him for those brief, stolen moments in time before leaving his body altogether the second Wei Ying has run away from him in the meadow.

unable to find an answer, feverish and tired with a migraine splitting his brain in half, double!LanZhan wanders around Tokyo trying to remember where the Jiang residence was. His feet walking him towards Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng’s room in the evening one day. Wei Ying is alone, sitting down by a table covered in drawings. Mesmerized, double!LanZhan watches from the window as Wei Ying traces the lines of faces and places, over an over again, as if he doesn’t want to forget what his imagination has shown him that night.

seeing what is depicted on the table, double!LanZhan’s migraine worsens and he collapses in the back garden, snow piling up on him. Wei Ying immediately notices and brings him inside, covering him in quilts to keep him warm. But Wei Ying is the warmest of all, his embrace like a balsam over double!LanZhan’s pulsing head as the younger tries to keep him warm by rubbing his arms over and over.

suddenly his head doesn’t hurt anymore and he can finally, finally let go. Let the other half take his place for now, just for a little while, as he takes a small nap in Wei Ying’s arms.

when he wakes up, Lan Zhan cries all of his tears.

he was finally able to reach Wei Ying, his Wei Ying, who was trapped in another world. The one Lan Zhan has been looking for ever since the end of the Sunshot Campaign, ever since Jiang Cheng himself told him of his demise. The one Lan Zhan was able to reach only after sacrificing his golden core to the immortal turned goddes BaoShan Sanren in front of a gate born from the efforts of some past demonic cultivator.

for two years he had tried to make his way through the veil between realities, his consciousness exhausted as if he had been swimming for far too long. The other-him, the man who shared his name and face, hosting his soul at the expenses of his own body for over two years. All because of Lan Zhan’s grief and greed, all because a goddess had promised him he could be reunited with the love of his life. But at what cost... at what cost indeed.

since two souls cannot reside in a single body, one of them had to die in order for Lan Zhan to meet his Wei Ying again. The moment WWX sees the other cry, he immediately recognizes him and tries to console him for the loss of his “other”. But LWJ cannot seem to feel any relief as he falls asleep once more in his arms.

Jiang Cheng:

Jiang Cheng enters the room and is baffled to find one of the twins in there, but seeing his brother crying over the man he decides to help them instead of calling the servants. Things are turning ugly in town for people like them and he doesn’t trust anyone anymore since YanLi got married and started working for the hospital, leaving the brothers alone.

in tears, Wei Ying tells him everything: of his dreams of another world, of the one he was destined to meet, of Lan Zhan finally remembering who he really was. He’s still fixated on this “past life” thing, uh? Jiang Cheng doesn’t really understand, but he knows the two man has grown fond of each other the previous summer and doesn’t really envy their fate.

he watches over them as they fall asleep in each other’s arms, having promised them to keep the servants from knowing about Lan Zhan’s presence in their house. That’s when he comes up with a plan and calls Lan Huan on the phone, briefly telling him that “his brother Lan Zhan has made a choice and that he cannot stay in Tokyo anymore”.

Lan Huan asks Jiang Cheng if his brother is there, to which the other only says “yes”. Is he with Wei Ying? Yes. Are they in love? Yes. Do they need to hide? “I can manage that for them.”

They meet the following morning at dawn, outside of Lan XiChen’s house to not attract the attention of the Jiang servants. Jiang Cheng will escort the two lovebirds to a cottage somewhere in the countryside, far away from society. When Lan Huan will succeed in convincing Lan QiRen to follow him there, they will receive them and arrange something.

Jiang Cheng May not believe his brother, but he knows things are getting dangerous in the country, especially for foreigners like them. Let alone someone like Wei Ying and his lover.

Wei WuXian:

While Lan Zhan is still feverish, Jiang Cheng and WWX take the train with the older man to the countryside. WWX feels bad for leaving, but Lan Zhan needs to rest away from the modern world for a while and he himself doesn’t feel well at all. Not with his lungs giving up on him any time he has to stiffen a cough and swallow his own blood with every breath. His weakened body may have caught something in the last few months, but he will not give up on Lan Zhan now.

They reach the cottage and Jiang Cheng immediately sends a letter to his sister, apologizing for what he’s about to do. They only have to wait a week for Lan Huan and Lan QiRen to arrive, but in the meantime Lan Zhan has regained enough energy to eat and stand up on his own. WWX asks him what is going on, and LWJ tells him that he’s currently trying to hold onto this body while simultaneously ruling over his original body in Gusu. He doesn’t want to fade away, but he fears slipping out of reach and leave WWX behind a second time.

when Lan QiRen sees them, he cannot deny what is in front of him: someone who is merely pretending to be his nephew greets him with a stoic face as he announces his intention to marry a man. Despite the initial shock, when Lan Huan has asked him to take him in the middle of nowhere in the countryside in winter, Lan QiRen has accepted to indulge him knowing Lan Zhan must have had something to do with it. But this in front of him is definitely not his nephew and this realization hurts more then knowing he is in love with a man.

Lan Huan, on the other hand, knows from his voice this is not his brother but cannot explain why. He’s filled with grief at the thought and not even his uncle can comfort him, the older man himself in pain for a loss he cannot comprehend.

WWX asks them to indulge them just this time, feeling like his life is getting closer and closer to its end, not knowing what else to do. Jiang Cheng comforts the two men as he tries to explain his reasons, that nobody will let them have even an ounce of joy in the world they’re forced to live in and that, if things will end up getting worse in the end, at least they’ll have this memory to look back to. He feels like a war is approaching, and no one can know what kind of world will greet them at the end of it.

Lan Zhan:

the day of his wedding he’s very nervous, having asked their hosts to simplify the traditional ceremony given the fact that Wei Ying and he are both men and there are no actual guest attending. They bow to the heavens and the earth, to their families, and then to each other. Their clothes are far less expensive or appropriate from the nuptial red they would have worn under different circumstances, yet Lan Zhan has never felt more adorned and rich, basking in Wei Ying’s love.

they spend their first night together whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears, tired and happy as they have never been before.

Wei WuXian:

they stay at the cottage for months, receiving news from the outside world every now and then from Jiang Cheng and Lan Huan. He suspects his brother is keeping something to himself, ignoring his questions over the political situation altogether, but he doesn’t insist.

LWJ tells him stories of the Sunshot Campaign, of how he tried to save the weak, the women, the children and the innocent of the Wen Clan against the rest of the cultivation world. Of how he found a way to summon BaoShan Sanren through some scrolls he had found in Burial Mounds, where he thought WWX’s soul might have disappeared to. Of how he hadn’t even been able to say goodbye to his brother and the people he had saved in Yiling before signing a contract with the immortal.

WWX’s lungs are giving up on him but he tries to keep LWJ from noticing. YanLi comes to meet them one day and makes sure to cry for her brother only when they are finally alone, sensing his intention to keep his husband from knowing the truth. He knows LWJ cannot possibly keep holding onto two bodies at the same time: waking up in Yiling the moment he falls asleep in the cottage; then waking up with Wei Ying every morning the moment he falls asleep in Burial Mounds where he has decided to hide. Without a golden core, for as strong as someone like LWJ can be, he would die if he keeps crossing the veil, the gate between the two worlds.

the day after YanLi has left them alone, WWX spends his last day with his husband, making sure everything is perfect. he also sends letters to his family and thanks them for loving him. he extends his best wishes to the people who worked alongside him, helping him bring to fruition his dream to fly in the sky once more... even if he has never flown in this lifetime.

he’s very happy with his husband and wants to commit every second they spend together to heart. They make love for the last time before they both fall asleep together and dream of home.

he whispers “I wish you good luck” before falling asleep.

Lan Zhan:

he wakes up the next day and Wei Ying is gone. His body cold in his arms.

mad with grief, unable to believe a life without WWX can or should exist, he cries over his husband’s body and wishes he could die.

Lan Huan and Lan QiRen happen to visit that day and find him crestfallen and asking to be left alone to die. But they help him bury the body instead and take care of him. Lan QiRen suddenly feels terrible at the thought of leaving this boy all alone, whether he’s actually his nephew or not. Lan Huan convinces his brother to eat and rest, holding him for as long as it takes for him to calm down.

the following day, as the younger twin wakes up, he asks Lan Huan why they’re in a cottage in the countryside and what happened while he was asleep.

the actual LWJ, by falling asleep, not willing to wake up in a world where WWX doesn’t exists anymore, has allowed double!LanZhan to regain complete control over the body in the cottage. The twin wasn’t dead, just dormant, waiting for LWJ to let go of his body on his own.

waking up in the Burial Mounds, however, with no golden core and no Wei Ying is worse than anything LWJ has ever experienced. Having to survive WWX’s death not one, but two times is too much to handle... but a small kid has found his place in his arms while LWJ was sleeping. His beloved A-Yuan, one of the few Wen children he was able to save from the Lanling Jin’s clutches after the Sunshot Campaign.

as he takes in the sight of the child he considers his own, peacefully sleeping in his bed, LWJ finds the strength to say “just another day”. And then another and another and another again.

13 years later:

Mo XuanYu sacrifices his body for WWX and the first thing Wei Ying does in his new body is to ask the Lan juniors to bring him to Hanguan Jun.

but Lan Zhan is already there, following the juniors around after managing to reforming a golden core in just a little over ten years all on his own. The first thing he says to Wei Ying is “I still remember every day.”

and they begin to travel together for the rest of their life.

*

Now I need a fucking tissue.

[as you can see very little “conquering another world” type of quest because I didn’t like to think too hard. This is more like “what if before transmigrating WWX and LWJ lived somewhere else and got married?” But then I had to make it sad, uh? Fuck.]

[also, demonic-cultivator!LWJ anyone?]

[dennou-translations]

Chou Animedia Interview with Chihara Minori

“Amy”, the theme song of the film “Violet Evergarden Gaiden” sung by Chihara Minori, is a gem birthed from the world of theatrical animes.

About a year and a half after its TV broadcast, the new work, “Violet Evergarden: Eien to Jidou Shuki Ningyou”, started being screened on September 6, 2019. Following the TV series, Chihara Minori, who was in charge of the opening theme song “Amy”, released it as a single prior to the theatrical screening! An interview about the highlights of the song and the appeal of “Violet Evergarden” was published in Seiyuu Animedia’s October issue. Here in Chou! Animedia, we will deliver a long version of it, which includes the parts that could not make into the article.

Raw || Index

■ “I was able to feel a worthiness and sense of accomplishment that I had never felt before.”

——Please tell us your impressions regarding the TV anime series “Violet Evergarden”, in which you appear and were in charge of the theme songs.

It is a wonderful story where a girl named Violet Evergarden meets people of all sorts of circumstances through her ghostwriting job while looking for the meaning of the words “I love you”, which were left to her by someone important, and everyone grows up. The one I play, Erica Brown, is an introverted girl with no confidence in herself, but after meeting Violet, she was able to pursue her dreams and move on. (The ex-soldier) Violet supposedly shoulders a past with incalculable pain and suffering. But I believe it is exactly because of this that Violet has the power to move people’s hearts. I feel that this series has the power to take away all our negative emotions and that there is a lot of love in it.

——What kind of appeal do you feel from its Gaiden, the new film?

It is a story centered in Isabella York and Taylor Bartlett, who had a fateful meeting with each other when they were younger, and Violet carries out the important role of reconnecting these two, who ended up living separately. There are times when Isabella is overwhelmed by the decision she made in the past and suffers because of it, but once she meets Violet, her heart, which had been closed up, melts down and she changes little by little. Through this work, I thought that Isabella, Taylor, Violet herself and every single one of us can overcome hardships if they happen, exactly because we have people who can serve as support for our hearts, and we live every day while being helped out by others. This Gaiden is also a story full of a kindness that only “Violet Evergarden” has.

——What was your impression when it was decided that you would be in charge of the theme song of the Gaiden, following the TV series?

Honestly, I was uncertain if I could write lyrics superior to “Michishirube” (smiles bitterly). I have sung the theme songs of countless serial shows until now, so for the part of the series that I bear responsibility, the sense of anxiety as to whether or not I could surpass my previous work was already there with me. However, I was not just the singer but was also in charge of the lyrics this time, so I felt for real the difficulty of renewing a musical composition from a serial show, as well as how high this bar was.

——How was the theme song “Amy” created?

I talked to director Fujita (Haruka) and the staff, and it was unanimously decided that “since the scene where Violet dances in a ball in the middle of the film is very impressive, wouldn’t it be nice to make it a triple-time waltz”. (Composer) Kikuta (Daisuke)-san also told me that, as this work was going to be released in theaters, the song was made in a way that would link the contents of the film and the animation in a sonorous fashion. So, when I first listened to it, from the intro to the conclusion, including the arrangement, I thought that the composition was as if I were watching a dramatic movie and it made me emotional.

——When you were chosen to write the lyrics, how did you come up with the concept?

I had crammed all my feelings towards this work into “Michishirube”, the ending theme song of the TV series, so I thought about writing these lyrics in a way that they would be close to the story of the Gaiden. “Amy” is the precious magic word that connects Isabella and Taylor, the two who were separated in this story, for all eternity. So just like this, from the title “Amy” to each of the verses, the song nestles one hundred percent close to the series. Also, the first-person pronoun is “boku” in the first chorus, “watashi” in the second, and lastly, it is both “boku” and “watashi”, which are sides of each character. When people watch the film, I think they will definitely understand the reference, like, “Aah, so that’s what it was about”. Director Fujita has tons of love for the series and she made this together with me while having discussions about it, being satisfied with it in the end, so I really felt a worthiness and sense of accomplishment that I had never experienced before, which made me happy. This song composition definitely would not have been birthed if not for this series.

——Did you like actually singing it?

Including the part of pre-projects and voice training, things had progressed carefully, so by the time we did the recording, I was already getting along with the song very well (laughs). People were going to listen to it in the theaters, so I sang in a way that they would be able to hear the words clearly, that it would be delivered to their hearts as if I were narrating it. During the first meeting, director Fujita said several times, “I don’t want to deny choices that someone made with love”. So I had something like a sense of responsibility that I should make this song into a warm one with salvation to it. Anyhow, I sing it while wishing for Isabella and Taylor’s happiness. For me, going out into my home’s veranda and singing this song at the end of the day has turned into a routine (laughs). It goes without saying that people will reminisce to the story they saw in the theaters when listening to it, but if they listen to it before bed, they might be able to have a peaceful sleep.

——The MV also displays the dance in a way that comes close to the film.

Indeed, the film’s dance scene is very impressive, so I suggested that it might be wonderful if I also danced it in the MV. But it was my first time dancing waltz, so I practiced for two days before the filming. The instructor chose steps and moves that even an amateur like me could manage.

——The scene where you were lifted by the male dancer was also incredible (laughs). It was amazing (laughs)!

At the end of the day, it is difficult to continuously keep a beautiful posture… There is a correct position for the head, face, hips, rear and everything else, so I had muscular pains all over my body (laughs). But we were able to make an extremely marvelous MV thanks to that, so right now, I am thinking of learning a bit of ballroom dancing (laughs). Also, since the story has been finished, I want people to pay attention to the outcomes of those two as well, and we did our best in the acting, so I would be happy if people could notice the characters’ facial expressions too.

——The coupling song, “Plumeria”, is also a wonderful composition.

It is a slightly fashionable and uplifting EDM. Amongst the song compositions of “Chihara Minori” from until now, which have always given full-out and were mostly strong and cool, there had not been a song that I was able to sing so relaxed and naturally as just myself. The sense of tempo is also very refreshing and comfortable, so it became a “breaking new grounds” kind of song for me. According to the director, it seems this song has the image of “an adult woman who plays around and makes bets looking at the sunset in a resort by the sea” (laughs). That’s why I looked up tropical flowers in my phone and sang it after getting a tropical feeling. Also, about the bit in the lyrics that goes “the place where I am myself when I come back to it”, when I searched for where that could be in my case, turns out it was the live concert stage. In the end, when I come back to the live venue and hold a concert, I can think “I’ll do my best once again from tomorrow on”. To me, my fans are the plumerias inside my heart.

——The other one, “Mikashokuman no Utage nite”, is also a live concert song that will surely rile up people.

This one was made for people to enjoy the live, as the theme song of SUMMER CHAMPION 2019. Since it is a live concert festival, I had requested a melody that would be perfect for festivities, as well as an arrangement that included a traditional taste overseas fans would also enjoy, and I was happy that the composition turned out as something beyond my expectations! When I actually sang it at the concert, the duets were spot-on, the venue’s voltage exploded in an instant, and it truly came out as an amazing song (laughs). When I think about how I can nurture this composition more and more in live concerts from now on, I end up looking forward to it!

——By the way, did you like listening to these three songs one after another?

To tell the truth, I have not listened to them in sequence (laughs). The three songs here assembled are of varied natures, to the point they can give people the impression that “Is it really the same person singing them all?”, so I wonder how the people who actually listened to them in order felt. Including this aspect of it, I look forward to doing this on one hand, yet it makes me nervous on the other (laughs)… But I am happy that I was able to deliver a “new Chihara Minori” like this once again. Having reached the fifteenth anniversary of my debut last year, I am really feeling the joy of being able to make something new one more time.

——You also had a birthday live in November to celebrate your debut’s fifteenth anniversary, right?

Since it is a live concert for my fifteenth anniversary, I wanted the contents to be something that would firmly touch upon the history of “Chihara Minori”. However, I released a “the best” album and did a best hits live on my tenth anniversary, so I did a lot of planning in order not to do the same thing. It was held at a live house, so I had concluded it was going to be a very intense concert. I will be transferring to a new agency and turning a new leaf in April, so I was really happy and looking forward to spending the very day of my birth with my fans in a year that would be the beginning of trying my best while feeling like a rookie!

——Please leave a message to your fans.

Again, a new work packed with love has been finalized. I believe this one was born thanks to my meeting with “Violet Evergarden”. I would be most satisfied if you all could go to the theaters and enjoy “Amy” together with the story as you listen to it!

[lavendertwilight89]

The Great Dog Demon War

Alright here we go **cracks knuckles** I already accidentally deleted my whole prologue the other day. Can we just say how frustrated I am??? But I think this version is better. Only took me 3 days to finally re-hash it all out.

Anyway, this is post cannon. I’ll lead into Kagome’s return in how I envisioned it and kind of set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the story (I know everyone has a different take and it’s been hell picking what I want to do with it but I think I finally landed on the right dynamic in my head) and then onto the main premise--i.e. the title.  I also am aware most prologues are shorter... but I’m sorry that’s just not gonna work here for what I am going for--I need more background to get into the story. 

Anyway please enjoy! **this will be an M rating. For now T for language**

Song inspiration: Song Of the Caged Bird-- Lindsey Stirling

**I do not own the song or InuYasha characters**

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Prologue

Kagome prayed close to everyday since she had returned to her era.  Initially, she was still shaken by her abrupt return and half-way expected or rather hoped to be able to return to the past.  After a couple months, she realized she needed to move on... Inuyasha couldn’t come for her.  She tried getting back to him... but the well had lost its magic. No matter how many she jumped in, tried to dig through, or even screamed his name the well refused to reopen. She began to pray in front of the Sacred Tree daily after school. Her new resolve was to live the normal life like she had wanted in the first place. Talk about irony. She prayed for peace.  She prayed for strength. She prayed for love... a love that would be greater and be able to ground her to this time and place... a love more powerful than her love for...

CRAP!!!!  She screamed internally and clapped her hands together angrily squeezing her already closed eyes tighter in annoyance because her inner thoughts betrayed her, yet again, for the thousandth time.  Her thoughts always led back to him.  For almost 2000 days, her thoughts never strayed far from Inuyasha. He was so engraved in her mind it was impossible for her to finish her prayer without his smirk appearing in her thoughts. Without envisioning his red robe of the fire rat, his long silver hair, his fluffy dog ears that sat on the top of his head that twitched whenever he was listening to her from afar, his long claws that would delicately tickle her when he’d carry her on his back on her thighs, his golden amber eyes that stared at her with such hope, longing, worry...love...

She let out a long disappointed sigh. God... why couldn’t she move on with her life?  She just finished high school.  She applied for university overseas in order to study medicine.  To be a doctor. That was what she always wanted right? Pft, let’s be serious--she applied overseas to get away from it all.  A new city, a new country, a new home... Wouldn’t that be enough to clear her head of it all? A distraction from everything she went through beginning four years ago. She was trying to move on.  That year of her life where she was in that era with him and her friends ended three years ago. There was no sign she’d be able to return...she was failing worse at keeping her thoughts away from him than when she almost failed out of middle school because of him. 

Well, this was waste of time. I’m still only thinking about him... Kagome chastised herself half-heartily. Her feet started to carry her away from the tree and back down into the well-house. She walked down the stairs thinking about why the well closed.  How she thought her time in that era had ended because they vanquished Naraku.  She helped Kikyo’s (her own) soul move on and be reborn in her. She purified the jewel... That was only her purpose... right? To fix the past and make a better future? That what she had begun to believe in these three years of solace. 

No... She... she had to be born to release Inuyasha from that fifty year slumber. She was born to teach him trust people, make friends, learn what love actually meant... She was born to be with him...or at least that’s what she thought...  She thought the red strong of fate had tied them together...maybe she was just young and stupid.  How did she really know what love was? But how can a fifteen year old fall in love that hard and fast without it actually meaning something. She hadn’t been able to move on from him. This couldn’t just be it... Right?

There was no way.  How could only one year of her life impact the other seventeen years that greatly if her soul-purpose was to only appease a soul and remove someone and something from existence? No, she had to be born for more. There was no denying it.  The last three years were empty for her. Lifeless. She was going to school to distract her from her pain.  She hung out with her friends to distract her from her loneliness.  She tried going out with Hojo finally... trying desperately to not think about Inuyasha... trying to get him out of her heart and head. She never smiled a real smile.  She couldn’t laugh an unforced laugh.  She couldn’t hold a conversation without effort. She couldn’t escape her heart and head anymore.  They would always be with Inuyasha.

Inuyasha...I-I want to see you... Kagome pleaded with the well clenching it tightly with her hands on the rails. And just like magic, she felt a breeze in her hair. She opened her eyes in shock and stared down. 

She didn’t hear her mother descend from the stairs towards her.  She didn’t even hear her initially when she said her name worriedly. Kagome was about to jump in without even a second thought.  She felt she was being pulled down into the void of time.

“Mother... The sky...” Kagome said breathlessly as she stared down into the well.

“Mmmmph...” Her mother said and put an arm around her shoulder and gazed down into the past and sighed. She knew her daughter had been struggling since her return.  She had been wearing a mask since she returned from the darkness; trying to be brave, trying to live a life everyone expected of her.  She went to school, came home, sometimes went out with friends; but she could see underneath it all how broken Kagome actually was because of her loss.  She lost her second family, her best friends that she had been completely honest with, and the love of her life that protected her with his own.  She heard Kagome scream at night while sleeping in fear, distress, sadness, hopelessness that Inuyasha wasn’t coming to save her.  She noticed she would leave the light on to try and chase the demons away, but even that didn’t help her agony and depression. She knew she had to let Kagome go... 

“M-mother... I-I’ve been thinking...” Kagome couldn’t even finish her sentence.  She was so scared her mother wouldn’t understand her pain. That she wouldn’t condone her desire she had to be with Inuyasha again.  She was fearful her mother would brush it off as a crush and that when she went away to university she would be able to forget and move on.  When her mother pulled her into a hug, Kagome kept her eyes trained to the well. Fearful it would close before she could convince her mother what she needed to do.

“Kagome,” her mother said and put a hand beneath her chin to guide her face to look at her.  She smiled happily but with hidden sadness of knowing this was the end, “I understand.”

Kagome teared up and smiled. It hit her. This was goodbye. Forever.  She grasped her mother hard and quaked a bit.

Kagome’s mother rubbed her hand on her back soothingly to reassure her that everything would be okay and she accepted her choice without anger or remorse.  She pushed her away gently and helped her stand up on the well. She gave her hand a tight squeeze and told her she would explain to Sota and Grandpa where and when she was going with a smile. Kagome nodded in acknowledgement almost torn about her decision...but then redirected her gaze down to the sky on the other side with a determined look. No...this is my destiny.

Kagome’s mother gave her hand one more tight squeeze then let go and stepped back.

“I love you, mother... Goodbye”

“We love you too, Kagome. Go.”

Without looking back, Kagome jumped and disappeared.

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Kagome landed on the other side of the well and looked up to make sure she was actually there. The fresh air hit her and she could smell how clean and crisp it was.  She heard the birds chirping. The sky was so blue and clear. She softly gasped taking in just the wonderment of being in the well smiling at the recognition she was back.

She looked over to the side of the well in hopes to see something to help her climb out since Inuyasha was not at the top like usual. She saw the vines that were there on her first venture to the past those four years ago and began to climb. She reminisced her first time coming through the well... the first time she spoke to Inuyasha. What would this reunion be life for them?   

She heard a gasp and shaky breathing above her when she got about half way to the top.  She looked up with wide eyes biting her lower lip.  Amber met caramel. His eyes were also wide in disbelief? Shock? Who could say.  It had been three years. He longed of this moment as much as she had. 

He reached out his arm with a sigh of relief to her. She released her lip from her bite and kicked off the wall and grabbed his hand and was whirled up over his head where she put an arm on his right shoulder to support herself from falling into him completely.  They got lost in other eyes of longing... there was so much to say... so much to confess...

“Kagome...” He finally said. That was the only thing he could say without his voice cracking.

“I’m sorry, Inuyasha... were you waiting for me?” She said tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

“Ugh,” He finally released the tension of holding her up and brought her into his arms. “you idiot, what have you been doing all this time?”

She felt him take some deep breaths of her hair. Her scent. He had to make sure she was real. She sighed happily into his arms.  She was finally home. She was finally at peace.  Her prayers came true.

He heard running coming from the village and stopping short of where the tree-line ended.  There, standing at the clearing’s edge were Miroku, Sango, Shippo, two twin girls, and a baby strapped to Sango’s back.  They stared in awe of the two sharing an intimate embrace.

“Kagome?” Miroku questioned in disbelief.

“You made it back!” Sango exclaimed.

Kagome and Inuyasha looked up and over to them.  His arms remained wrapped around her.  He didn’t care anymore what anyone thought of their relationship.  He literally followed her into the underworld.  Into the Jewel of the Four Souls.  Loved her enough to let her be safe in her world... rather than being here with him. They all knew. She knew.  She came back.

“Sango, Miroku, it’s great to see you!” While Inuyasha was always her primary thought, her most potent desire, she missed her friends.  Sango knew her entire life. Her double life, her love for Inuyasha and the relationship they were struggling to build over the times of their travels, how it seemed unrequited but through Sango’s reassurance she help on, what her dreams were, what her sorrows were... Sango knew it all, as she knew all of Sango’s. Miroku was like a brother to her. An older, perverted brother, who was wise beyond his years.  He told it like it was but always added a hint of humor to soften the blow. Shippo, a little brother almost make-shift child who reminded her of her actual brother Sota.  Young and hopeful about the future and willing to do anything to help. They had moved on with their lives as it appeared Sango and Miroku had three children in the span she was away.

Kagome stepped hesitantly out of Inuyasha’s embrace to face them more and he released her without a fight. She gave him a quick smile and he nodded in return. Her face lit up for the first time in one-thousand ninety-five days and ran towards them in the biggest smile she ever formed. 

I’m back!!!

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After embracing each of them and learning the names of their children (Ayumi, Suzuki, and Komori) and briefly enlightening Kagome on what had been going on for the time she was in her era such as Shippo going through the fox demon trials, their marriage, the birth of their children, and other minor details, they decided to make their way to the village.  Miroku handed Ayumi to Sango and crushed Shippo to stay on his shoulder with a little defiance but was easily swayed with a look of the monk that sent shivers down Shippo’s spine.  Kagome turned to Inuyasha with a soft smile.  She wanted to be able to talk to him. To make sure everything wasn’t all made up in her head.  She jumped into the well without hesitation, deathly positive of her decision.  There was no going back now.  But now that she was here, she was nervous. He took two steps to be next to her as the others started their trek back toward the village and offered her a hand with a smile. 

Her breath got caught and her face lit up with the smile he loved so much and she took his hand happily and they began to walk side by side gazing into each others eyes.

Miroku peered back carefully trying not to get caught. He smiled softly and held in a chuckle and nudged his wife with a subtle tilt of his head back toward them and turned Shippo’s head as he was still complaining about not being able to walk Kagome which stopped as he caught sight of the two. Fingers interlaced, Inuyasha’s soft smile, Kagome’s bright glowing eyes and shining teeth, their arms brushing up against each... It was like they didn’t exist in front of them.  Shippo turned back facing forward on Miroku’s shoulder with a blush while Sango giggled slightly. 

“Thank God,” she said quietly to her husband hopefully Inuyasha wouldn’t be able to hear. Although, she was pretty sure he probably could but was so distracted he wouldn’t pick up on it.

They made it to the village and Sango and Miroku said some quick goodbyes inviting them over for dinner later. They made the excuse they had laundry to finish attending to while it was still light out and that if Kagome needed a place to stay she was more than welcome to stay there with Inuyasha if she liked.  They proposed Inuyasha to visit Kaede and give her and Rin the good news of Kagome’s return.  They turned to head back to their hut on the far west side of the village, Miroku’s firm grip on Shippo to ensure they wouldn’t be bothered just yet.

Kagome looked at them leaving with a smile and Inuyasha looked slightly confused at their sudden departure but was also kind of relieved to be able to have a few moments alone with Kagome before they visited the old woman’s house.  He turned to her mouth open only to see she was about to say something to him too.  Both their eyes widen and said they were sorry and for the other to speak first.  Then Kagome laughed at their struggle they were clearly having. Her musical sweet laughter. He could listen to it all day.

“What were you going to say Inuyasha?” She looked up at him still interlocked with his fingers.

“Uhm... later, before we go to their place for dinner... can we just--uh--”

“Talk?” She said lips curved upward.  Big brown caramel eyes pouring into his amber.

“Y-yea. If that’s okay.” He was slightly blushing now.  He had three years, three years, to figure out how to say he loves her.  Three of the longest years of his two hundred year life span and he was still stuttering like an idiot. But God, those big beautiful eyes stared into his soul and he got so lost he wasn’t even sure he could form a sentence. 

“Of course, Inuyasha. I’d love that. I was about to ask you the same thing, actually.” She giggled taking her other hand and holding it over her mouth to try and contain her laughter closing her eyes happily.  She then opened her eyes and looked nervous taking her lower lip to bite down. She wanted to show him what their talk would be about... She knew he knew. Him asking her to talk privately was all the courage she needed to let go of her bottom lip.  It wasn’t in my head after all... She hesitantly stood on her tip toes and leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.  

His eyes widen. He froze. Fuck it, this is happening now. Talk later, take action now.  He was always better at making his actions speak for him than being able to actually convey his feelings into words. Before she could lower herself off her toes, he caught her cheek with his right hand what wasn’t interlaced with hers and gave her a real kiss on the lips releasing her hand he was holding and pulled her in closer by placing it on the small of her back and squeezing his eyes shut hoping to God this wouldn’t get him sat or that he misread things.

Her eyes widen and she gasped softly. Her eyes filled with happy tears which poured out as she squeezed her eyes shut and threw her arms around his neck to keep herself pulled up and keep him down at her level.

They’d kissed two times before. Once at Kaguya’s castle out of desperation to keep Inuyasha from transforming forever and obeying the likes of the fake celestial maiden. Praying he wanted to stay with her rather than him becoming a full fledged demon right then, Kagome at thrown herself at him. It had worked and he had kissed her back but it almost felt like it was more out of obligation.  The embrace after was more intimate than the actual kiss-- while the kiss was made out of genuine love and trust he wouldn’t hurt her and she thought it would pull him back to the surface, it was timid and short-lived as they were still in the heat of battle. They never spoke of it after; they were both too embarrassed to admit their feelings regarding each other and the incident that took place. Their second kiss was of relief and hope when he appeared literally out of nowhere to rescue her from the darkness that the jewel had imprisoned her in for three full days. That kiss was more intimate. Desperate to convey their feelings they had for each other without actually voicing them while they were in a stand-off with the jewel. They weren't able to address exactly what happened after as they were separated by five-hundred years. This kiss... was everything Kagome ever dreamed. It was needy, greedy, loving, and if possible, time stopping. They lips moved in sync with each others. Exploring. Memorizing. It said everything he wanted to tell her, and everything she was going to say later...

“Lord Inuyasha?” A young girls voice chimed from behind him.

He broke the kiss a part from Kagome and turned around to see who was addressing him lowering the hand that was on her cheek to around her waist where his other arm was still holding her against him. Kagome opened her eyes still kind lost in the moment and daze of lust, slowly lowered her arms to his shoulders and peered down and around his arm to see who was speaking to him as well.

“Rin!” Kagome gasped in surprised eyes widening. “Wh-what are you doing here??”

“Lady Kagome!! I could ask the same of you!” She giggled and then bowed.  She straightened back up and winked mischievously, "I was wondering who finally caught the eye of Lord Inuyasha.  He has been most melancholy since your shocking and immediate departure when Naraku was destroyed. I never thought he'd move on. I guess technically he didn't,” she raised her eyebrows with a smirk on her face.

“Rin...” Inuyasha sighed, “nosy as ever you little pipsqueak”. 

Rin giggled again. "Lady Kagome, it's so great you have returned! You were extremely missed!"

"Thank you, Rin. I missed everyone too. It's good to be back," Kagome turned back to Inuyasha smiling sweetly. He redirected his gaze back to her and smiled an apology of sorts that the runt interrupted them.

"Are you on your way to see Lady Kaede? I'm sure she'll be so happy you've returned as well! I was heading back there myself if you'd care to join me in my walk?"

"Yea, yea, we'll follow you pipsqueak," Inuyasha grunted in defeat.

"That's Lady Pipsqueak to you, Lord Inuyasha," Rin laughed at her own joke so hard she almost tripped when she started to pass them. "Well come on, you can do lovey-dovey adult stuff later when you're alone, not standing in the middle of a busy road of the village." She turned around to tease them winking wickedly before leading the way to Kaede's hut.

Kagome turned bright red, at least five shades darker than her pink sweater she had on. She probably matched Inuyasha kimono. She felt like steam was escaping her ears like she was a tea kettle about to boil over from how embarrassed she was by the young girl's comment.

Inuyasha just shook his head taking an arm off of Kagome's back and put on his head. "That girl has a mouth on her. Come on, before she says anything else that she use against me later." He removed his other hand from her waist and interlaced their hands again.

On their way to Kaede's, he explained that Rin was learning how to live with humans so once she came of age she could decide for herself if she wanted to return to Sesshomaru or if she wanted to lead a more normal life in the village. Rin interjected a few comments of her own about her feelings on the matter but ultimately would do what her Lord asked of her for the time being.  He also explained how they bonded since she is quite the spit fire and enjoys peace and quiet like he did...even though she always seemed to be talking when they were trying to enjoy silence away from everyone else.

“Hahaha, oh Lord Inuyasha, you know I just like to ruffle your fur.  You make it too easy,” she said laughing, smacking him lightly on his left arm as she crossed in front of him to the hut pulling the screen back for them to enter. “Lady Kaede! Look who I found while I was out!”

“Aye Rin, who is it now?” Kaede had her back to the screen and wash brushing off herbs.

“See for yourself, old hag,” Inuyasha said with a jab of humor.

Kaede hadn’t recognized that tone from him in years.  Since Kagome’s departure.  He hadn’t joked or been cheery about much.  She turned around and was stunned to see who stood before her in a pink sweater, short navy skirt, long wavy hair, and bright brown eyes full of excitement.

“Ka-Kagome! You’ve returned!”

“It’s nice to see you Kaede,” Kagome walked from Inuyasha dropping his hand to meet Kaede who rose from her sitting position to give her a warm hug. 

“H-how? When? Are ye able to travel back and forth to your era again? It’s so good to see ye again.”

“Uhm...Hehehe,” Kagome scratched the back of her head bashfully realizing no one else (including Inuyasha) had asked her yet. “I think this was a one-way trip actually. It hasn’t worked on my side either until today.  Not sure how it happened, but one moment I was praying by it and the next I was able to see the sky.”

Inuyasha, Rin, and Kaede were then floored. Their eyes wide mouths slightly agape. She had left her era, her home, to return here. Forever. Inuyasha’s face grew concern not realizing everything she had given up to cross over.  To come back to him.  She literally threw her life away for him...

“Aw! How romantic! You came back to be with Lord Inuyasha?! Oh my Gosh, isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?? So when are you guys going to get married and move in together?? Oh my Gosh, what about babies?! And---mmmmph” Rin looked from Kagome to Inuyasha dazzling at the love story unfolding in front of her while Inuyasha, now fully annoyed and embarrassed, grabbed Rin by the mouth while he blushed hard on his cheeks.

“Please. Stop. Talking.” He said completely exasperated by her rambling shaking her from side to side to maybe settle her down.

Kagome who was also now red again, thanks to the small thirteen year old child, was starting to let everything she said soak in realizing maybe the implications of her being here were going to be a lot for them to swallow.  They had only just expressed they cared about each other a year ago. 

Kaede cleared her throat catching everyone’s attention. “Rin, why don’t ye go check on young Komori and Sango.  They are due for their checkups.”

“Right!” Rin jumped out of Inuyasha’s grasp and bowed before running out of the hut.

Kagome and Inuyasha both sighed in relief the young talkative girl had left them for the moment.

“Pay her no mind.  She is young and still doesn’t understand those things need to be talked about between the two of ye before making plans with everyone else... Kagome. Ye are welcome to stay here until that has been resolved. Ye are also welcome to re-start your priestess training if ye desire to continue.  These bones are growing old and I will likely be needing someone to take my place in the up-coming seasons.” Kaede sat back down in front of the fire.

“Oh Kaede, yes! That would be wonderful! Thank you! When do I start?”

“Dawn tomorrow.  Why don’t ye and Inuyasha go discuss what your return means for the two of ye?” Kaede said raising an eyebrow with a hidden smirk.

Inuyasha grabbed Kagome by the arm and lead her out before she could say anything else scoffing and making incoherent sounds that weren’t actually words. Kagome couldn’t believe the amount of meddling they’ve been through in the last ten minutes. It was enough to last a life time.  She didn’t think she’d ever been asked so many questions before aside from her school friends...

Before she knew it, they were in front of Inuyasha’s usual “sulking tree” as she referred to it.  The one she found him on the night she met Sesshomaru, the one she’d sat him from to take care of his injuries after the battle with Yura, the one he came to when he needed privacy... the one he brought her up to sit on when he admitted he wasn’t strong enough and had a ways to go in order to be able to protect her.

He looked around and then picked her up and jumped up to his usual branch and rested her down to sit next to him. Talk about deja vu.

“Sigh...finally. A moment to ourselves. Everyone is so nosy and always in my business!” He gruffed.

Kagome giggled at his annoyance. “It just means they care, Inuyasha.”

“...” He looked at her to his left trying to gauge how to steer the conversation to confirm what she had said earlier. “So... is it true?”

“Hm? Is what true?”

“That... you can’t go back to your home?”

Kagome’s smile fell a little and she looked downward. “Yea... even if it wasn’t... I don’t think I’d ever want to risk not being able to return again.” She turned back to him with a look of longing and placed her right hand on his arm. “Inuyasha... These three years... the were the longest and hardest of my life. I tried so hard to move on... I did everything I could to forget and move on. Months had passed and no matter what I tried spiritually or forcefully, the well wouldn’t open.

“I thought you would come get me... like you did when I was lost in the darkness. But even that became wishful thinking. Moving on seemed like my only option. But, haha, I couldn’t even do that right. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. When the well reopened today, I didn’t even think twice. I almost jumped before goodbye to my mother... I honestly didn’t even think about what my choice would do to you. I just knew I wanted to be here with you. I couldn’t go another day without seeing you again... I’m sorry if that puts you in an uncomfortable position. But--” Inuyasha began to open his mouth to say something and she shook her head and grasped his arm firmly. “No--please let me finish. Let me say everything I should have said three years ago before the jewel took us away from each other.”

She scooted herself as close to him as possible turning her body to face him still holding onto his arm for balance. “Inuyasha... I love you. I love you for who you are--whatever you are that day. Demon, human, half... they are all you. I love all your quirks and qualities that make you who you are.  Please...let me stay with you. I want to be with you.”

Inuyasha’s mouth hadn’t closed when she had asked her not cut him off. It stayed agape to her heartfelt confession. Everything he ever needed and wanted someone to tell him... she said. She loved him for who he was.  She didn’t need him to be human to stay with him, she didn’t want to be a full demon to protect her... she wanted him who he was. He already knew Kagome held no prejudice towards him for who and what he was. She never looked at him any differently than she did Koga or Miroku. To her, he was just normal.  There was nothing wrong with him. 

She started to look a little confused as he hadn’t replied to anything she just said and looked like maybe she broke him. “Uhm... Inuyasha? Are you ok?”

He grabbed her faced and crashed his back down on hers the second time that day. She moaned softly into his mouth and hung on to him for dear life. She knew he wasn’t good with words. This was good enough. She could accept this proclamation.  But then he started to pull away before she wanted to start exploring the inside of his mouth with her tongue and gazed at her nervously.

“Ka-Kagome,” he swallowed. “I...I...I love you too.”

She smiled at his confession, catching her breath again. “We can figure the other stuff out later, okay Inuyasha? We have all the time in the world now.” With that she turned back to face the village and rested her head on his shoulder and interlocked arms with him. 

Inuyasha leaned into her and smiled softly. “Yea...Sure.” We do now, don’t we?

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After dinner with Sango, Miroku, Shippo and their children, Inuyasha and Kagome bid them farewell stating she was going to reside with Kaede for the time being while they were getting everything sorted.  She also added it would be easier on her with priestess training that she wouldn’t have to worry about oversleeping with her new sensai not far from her pillow.

When they returned to the hut, Inuyasha pecked kagome on the cheek and jumped away before Rin or the old priestess could pry anything out of him. Kaede offered Kagome a plain white yukata to sleep in and priestess robes for her to start her training in for the morning. She rolled out an extra sleeping mat and laid it by the fire.

“Kagome, I am afraid Rin and I are needed for another young mother who is about to give birth to her second child. We will be staying there tonight. I hope that is good for thee child,” Kaede informed the young girl before helping her get tucked in. Kagome decided she didn’t want to change out of her clothing just yet. She didn’t want to completely immerse herself immediately.  She wanted to make sure people remembered who she is, not who she once was in a previous life. 

“Uh, oh, thank you Kaede. Yes, that should okay. I’ll be fine, I’m exhausted anyway. Take care” She gave a soft tired smile.  It had been such a long day of reunions, catching up, and digesting a lot of information about her up-coming future. 

After Kaede and Rin had exited the hut, Inuyasha landed on outside the door and entered. Kagome smiled a little more awake at his appearance.  She could sense him not far from them. She thought about the current times she now resides in and how it probably wasn’t “proper” for a man who has shown interest in a woman to share a house at night until they were properly married.  “Decided to sneak in while the priestess is away?” Kagome teased.

“Keh, I’m not scared of the old hag. But I also don’t want rumors flying about you shackin’ up with half-demon out of wedlock the minute you came back.”

“Ohhhh, how would I ever sleep at night,” Kagome rolled her eyes. “You know I don’t care what people think.”

“Clearly; still wearing your too short shirts, hanging out with a no good half-breed like me,” he jousted back sitting near her bed, back against the wall. He took out the Tessaiga and placed in between his legs and folded arms.

“Uhm...”

“What?”

“I-I know this is kind of...improper I guess... and you can totally say no if you’re not comfortable with it, but...” Kagome started to turn bright red again. “W-W-Would you please sleep next to me????” She forced out eyes closed scared of the backlash she might get for asking something so radical and racy for this day and age.

“...Yeah. I’d actually like that a lot.”

Kagome opened her eyes and gasped as he moved the Tessaiga to lay next the sleeping mat and then moved himself to slide in next to her.  She lifted the blanket up for him and then snuggled up to him facing away from him blushing lightly. She couldn’t believe how easy that was to get him to lay next to her.

“Since I am laying next to you... can... I hold you, Kagome?”

“Y-Yes. Please...”

He strewed his left arm underneath her neck and then placed his right around her waist and pulled her in close. All of a sudden, tiredness hit her. She sighed happily and closed her eyes, finally at peace and not struggling to fall asleep. He also was at peace in heart finally and closed his eyes and buried his nose in her hair inhaling the sweet cherry blossom and vanilla scent and faded into sleep as well.

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It was later into the night and storm clouds had rolled in. Thunder was heard and lightening lit the sky frequently.  The rain had not begun to pour yet. Inuyasha remained in a restful sleep still holding Kagome to him, but Kagome was beginning to cringe and flounder softly. She began to sweat from the aniexty of her dreams. She was moaning softly enough to not catch Inuyasha’s attention.  He had grown used to her nightmares anyhow over her math exams she had talked about throughout their year of travel enough to almost tune her out completely unless something sounded out of the norm.

“Kagome... Kagome... Kagome...Open your EYES!”

Kagome’s eyes flew open and she was surrounded by darkness and she gasped.  She looked down to what she was holding and it was her bow from Mount Azusa and she was wearing her old middle school uniform. She looked up and saw the Sacred Jewel with an arrow sticking out of it shining brightly.

“NO!! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! WE WON!! THIS ISN’T REAL!!!” Kagome cried.

“You will never win, Kagome. You were born to become a part of the jewel.”

“That’s a lie! I was born for more than that!”

“Then why are you still here? Why do you keep coming back?”

Kagome was so angry she drew her bow and arrow. As she drew back the Jewel flashed a bright light blinding her.  When she was able to reopen her eyes, she saw demons swarming out of the jewel towards her. She began to unleash arrow after arrow until one demon knocked her bow from her and then turn to devour her.

She screamed unable to fight anymore and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Kagome!!!! Kagome, what’s wrong?! Kagome, wake up!!!!”

“NO, NO, PLEASE STOP!!!!!” she screamed thrashing trying to escape from whatever had hold of her.

“Kagome!!! It’s me! Open your eyes!” Inuyasha pleaded shaking her shoulders. 

Kagome finally opened her eyes, gasping loudly, tears rolling down her cheeks. Inuyasha and her were sitting up with his hands on her shoulders, his hands were gripping her tightly. They were still alone in the hut where she was when they fell asleep. She looked around to get her bearings before she started to relax.

"Oh... I-I'm sorry Inuyasha. I didn't mean to wake you."

"What the hell was that, Kagome? You've had bad dreams before but that was something I've never witnessed."

She closed her eyes and brushed her tears away, trying to calm herself before replying. "Since the jewel locked me in the abyss... I've had the same dream. Being trapped there with it. Unable to break free..."

Inuyasha took her pained and anxious expression. He pulled her close in his arms. He wanted to convey he'd never allow anything to take her from him again with his grasp around her small body.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to find you Kagome... I should have realized it earlier when Naraku’s incarnation cut you with the Meido. Maybe none of this would have happened..."

"Stop. Don't blame yourself. No one knew what the jewel had been planning. No one even knew it had a will of it's own. We're together again, Inuyasha... please."

Inuyasha pushed her back until his face was above hers and grabbed her chin and kissed her fiercely. Kagome took in his hunger and wrapped her arms around his neck and moaned into his lips. God she couldn't get over how amazing this new level of their relationship was. She couldn't wait for more.

Inuyasha pulled back from the kiss placing his hands back on her shoulders, a little out of breath from the lustful kiss they ended up sharing. Kagome following suit on regaining her own air in her lungs.

"Kagome, I want you to live with me. Please, take me as your husband. I'll try to earn you. I'll try to make you the happiest woman in the village if you'll accept me."

"Inuyasha..." His confession and proposal floored her. She almost expected she would have to take the next steps after she purposely drove the conversation on the tree from what she thought was going to make him uncomfortable. Clearly she was mistaken and should have let him do it there and then.

She smiled at him earnestly and accepted, "Yes. I'll be your wife. I'll live with you. But you don't have to earn me. You already have. Please, don't sell yourself short. You deserve happiness and love too. I'll be the happiest girl in Japan as long as I can stay by your side."

She sunk back into his embrace leaning her head on his chest. He moved back to lean against the wall of the hut and wrapped his arms around his now proclaimed woman...his betrothed. 

He could tell she was back on the brink of sleep and just held her to ensure she knew she was safe with him. Hoping maybe this position will keep her nightmares at bay.

His eases twitched at a sound from outside. A familiar roar... he sniffed the air.

Sesshomaru? And... other dog demons with a similar scent to ours...

He didn't think twice about the strange scents since his brother probably knew whoever it was. He didn't know much about his legacy. He never felt like asking and it would have more than likely to start an unnecessary argument between them. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into his fiancee's hair for the second time and let sleep claim him.

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Sesshomaru was in full dog demon form. He was chasing around four other Inu’s. He finally caught their attention or they were where they wanted to touch down when they swirled together in a mix of demonic energy towards the ground.

They land in front of Kikyo’s grave. The four stood across from Sesshomaru now in their human forms. Three of the four, kneeled before Sesshomaru. They looked a little younger than him, around Inuyasha’s age span. One had bright silver hair that was tied up in a long pony tail, he wore armor similar to Sesshomaru but his kimono was navy with white accents, another had black hair that was cut to make him look the most human, he wore a dark green kimono and he resembled a prince, and the last one kneeling before him had brown tight curls that laid at his shoulders wearing a bright orange dress with armor platting on his shoulders and breast. The fourth demon was older. Long silver hair cascading down his back to the floor. He has similar armor that of his late father. Eyes piercing gold. His facial markings were different from his father though. They were purple around his neck that traveled up and around his ears. 

“Lord Sesshomaru... I never thought I’d meet my foolish brother’s son. I’ve heard quite the tales of you and your journey for supreme power and conquest over the last few centuries.”

Sesshomaru raised an eye brow, “Brother?”

The oldest demon laughed a hardy belly laugh, “So Inu-Taisho never mentioned his older brother? Probably out of spite. You and I have similar ideals Lord Sesshomaru. The humans are weak and worthless beings. They should be expunged from this world. They are creatures ruled by time. That makes them greedy and insignificant.  Their motivations are only driven by what they can get done in a life-span.  Meanwhile we could rule the world without ever having to worry about death’s call. We can totally eliminate their threat to our kind’s existence. Join me, and we can reconquer these lands from our other brethren, and then the world.

“My sons and I have already conquered the main-land when I was banished by your father , for what he called my radical ideals.  He was weak.  He perished at the hands a human protecting a mortal woman who breed with him a dirty half-breed. We need to make a stand to keep our blood pure. What do you say, Lord Sesshormaru? Nephew? Let us do what your father had no courage to do,” The Great Inu demon stepped around his sons and extended an arm of agreement to other great lord of the west.

“Why would I join the likes of you? My father may have perished, but I have regained his territory. The humans do not bother me or my vassals. There is no purpose in making them a part of my plans to conquer more territory. I agree, they are ruled by time... but that is what makes them weak and futile. Why waste breath on what is already fleeting?” Sesshomaru turned his back on the dog demon. To him it was great insult meaning he was not a worthy opponent or adversary to let your guard down so close.

“I think you should reconsider, Lord Sesshomaru.  I will give you two winters to decide.  When they cherry blossoms begin to bud, I will be back with my sons and an army I don’t think you will want to face... the continent is wide and vast. This an army I don’t think you could have ever dreamed of. Consider this a warning; do not stand in our way.”

“Or I could just finish you right now,” Sesshomaru turned quickly to strike them down with his sword Bakusaiga. But he could swing they were gone. 

“Heed my words Lord Sesshomaru... Two winters and we will return...Give up your claim and join us... Or you will fall.”

Sesshomaru sheathed his sword and looked outward to the village. He could hear Rin’s voice comforting some woman in child-labor not too far from the grave he sword by. Weak and worthless beings, huh? He closed his eyes deep in thought and proceeded down the stairs towards the huts. 

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DONE!!!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!! PLEASE ENJOY