#so in conclusion they have similar/the same mentality when it comes to their value as opposed to others

[mari-lair]

Will greed island au gon ever at least meet mito? i feel like during his search for ging after he leaves the island with killua he would make the same conclusions that kite did and track down his dad's hometown. what do you think his feelings would be? would it improve his horrible sense of self worth?

Side note: how would the zoldyck family arc go in this scenario? I have a feeling that Illumi would show up to mess things up. but this gon is much stronger so he could just basically break into the manor and tell the zoldycks to f off in person.

(about the GI Gon AU: Here)

I didn't even think about this, BUT YES! Gon would go to Whale Island hunting for clues after passing the hunter exam and eventually find Mito. When he learns Mito is Ging's cousin he'll gets excited, cause Gon knows none of his blood family, no matter how distant, an aunt is still a big deal.

His first meeting with Mito will be a bit rough/pretty awkward cause I feel like Ging would let her know he has a kid through a letter or a call or something (is Ging he'll find a way to update her without facing her) but only a decade or so before she have a chance to met Gon. No further messages, no elaboration, by the point Mito sees Gon face to face the concept Ging have a kid will feel alien.

I can see him a bit more self-worth in her presence since 1 - Mito is no NPC she looks after him while he is visiting cause she wants/ she make sure to say when she isn't happy, which makes when she is happy he is around that much more impactful 2 - She will be very angry that Ging abandoned him in some game and while he will defend greed island forever, he is flattered, people rarely get this angry for him. 3 -He bonds with her about Ging leaving, cause the game masters were a bit exasperated at most Ging departure, but Mito was deeply affected by his departure like Gon was. But he still isn't as confident(?) as canon gon.

As for the Zoldyck rescue arc...

I'll be honest, I don't know how that would go, there are too many changes from canon for me to try to domino effect: Illumi already passed the exam, he can't take it again like Killua will, Gon also wouldn't be knocked out with his nen skills, so that scenario ain't happening.

I know Killua coming home needs to happen though, maybe Killua is taking too long in the game (cause he stopped focusing on killing his target after around a week or less and prioritized having fun with Gon and being a rebel) and so the Zoldycks send Illumi to find a way in the game and check on him but idk how that would go. I don't think Gon can beat Illumi. He can beat him in nen arm wrestling and maybe some strength tests, he is a monster in raw power, but is hard to say in a fight with no rules. I can picture Killua, who has the needle, using Acompany cards to run away with gon and freaking out about rebelling against Illumi but I can't picture how the actual confrontation would end.

(I just know Gon won't die inside the game, he has every game master keeping an eye on him if he reaches the point of being in genuine danger. They can be neglectful and all, but they would never let Gon die.)

So for now "how will killua go home?" situation is in progress/may drastically vary in the future

If despite all the changes the situation still end with Gon banging on their mountain gate , Gon would indeed be powerful enough to open the gates and walk to the butler's house without issue but he still has the same "Why must I do all of this to visit a friend?" mentality, and he wouldn't want to cause trouble to the butlers and workers who clearly value killua. So fewer injuries, more questions about the mansion's "rules and 'work designs' choices" (which are usually not answered. cause zoldycks) but overall a very similar outcome.

[zel-zo]

Hey so you know how in the Izuru-Fuyuhiko conversation, Izuru assumes Fuyuhiko intends to use Izuru for his talents? And Fuyuhiko refutes that like right away. Based on the recent art you made, do you have any thoughts on Izuru making himself useful (as a meat shield apparently) anyway? Izuru usefulness complex vs. Fuyuhiko 'people arent tools' complex or something like that? Sorry if this is a strange ask to get out of the blue haha I am interested in the narrative.

Ok so this is a FANTASTIC question and it took all my restraint not to send back an entire essay lmao💛💛💛 (correction^ I wrote 544 words of this so, maybe a LITTLE bit of an essay)

So, here are my thoughts on Izuru and Fuyuhiko's potential relationship in DRS:US:

I feel like the reason that Izuru may in fact stay with Fuyuhiko in this scenario (I mean, he outright says that if he were told to be free without orders he would probably just disappear overseas and cut contact,) is Fuyuhuko’s resolve not to use Izuru for his talents. I think that, in one way or another, this wont sit right with Izuru, who can easily reason out the fact that he’s a passive force until acted upon, and if acted upon (or used) for the good of humanity, that would have an overall better net benefit to the world than valuing his independence and letting his talents go to waste. As little as Izuru seems to care about anything, the thought process behind letting him do whatever he wants and not like, idk, make him cure cancer, is an absolutely atrocious error in judgement and has to be the fault of some under-developed moral code of Fuyuhuko’s. I think this intrigue is part of why Izuru would want to stay with Fuyuhuko: to see how long it will take for Fuyu, given ample opportunity, to abandon his personal code and start using Izuru (weather for humanity’s benefit or his own).

Note: I also think this is why Izuru would “make himself useful” (like the meat shield incident). By showing how much he could benefit Fuyuhiko when his talents are used, he’s subtly testing his resolve to keep refraining from doing so.

On the FLIP side we have Fuyuhiko, who’s honestly got a point. He’s definitely not thinking of it in the same big moral strokes that Izuru is, but he is thinking of the basic gist of it: What should you value more, a person’s freedom or the good they can do? In his (learned) opinion, the value a person’s life has and the potential they have for good aren’t exclusive, but that person needs to do the good on their own for it to have meaning. His relationship with Peko comes to mind hard here as someone who has been given a role and carried it out perfectly, denying their own free will in the process. Fuyu doesn’t go through the same lesson in the same way as DR2, but it’s clear that he’s coming to similar conclusions about valuing Peko’s free will in their DRUS interactions. I feel like, similarly, Fuyu would just want Izuru to start giving a damn about being used by people and stop treating himself like a means to an end.

So, does this turn into a genuine friendship? Something more?... Maybe??? I see a lot of interpretations of Izuru’s character were he’s an unfeeling machine, which I personally really dislike. I mean, the man has enough emotion to be bored by being unable to be surprised by anything anymore. He does Cry, even if he doesn’t know why. In my eyes, Izuru is mentally incredibly developed, but emotionally underdeveloped because of his emphasis on learning and usefulness since his ‘creation’. So, these two’s relationship is both ambiguous and up for interpretation, but I do think it has room for Izuru to come to understand Fuyuhuko’s thinking and maybe even start caring for him eventually. Honestly it’s all up to your personal interpretation of Izuru’s character!

But yea, those are just my thoughts! Let me know Your own interpretation!! I love these characters and always wanna hear other people's thoughts on them!!! 💛

[melit0n]

EUCLID ANALYSIS.

Told you guys it was coming, didn't I? I apologise that this has taken a bit longer than expected, my mental health hit me like a bullet train, but I do hope it's sufficient.

Part one -> You're already here!

Part two -> Line by line analysis part 1

Part three -> Line by line analysis part 2

Part four -> Musical/intrumental notes

Part five -> The Night in Sleep Token

Part six -> Conclusion

Please note this is a general analysis. Although I do go into theories, both my own and others, this is just general thoughts. Also note when I speak of Vessel, I mean Vessel as a character, not the person, unless I specifically state so.

Tagline: @rilllvri @a-s-levynn @fivewholeminutes @euclidsvessel @tonguetyd @moonchild-in-blue @kkarmatic @branches-in-a-flood

+ Some people were worried about spam liking/reblogging the last time I did one of these big analysis posts, and I want to say please don't worry about that! I get happy when I see the same users pop up liking and reblogging my work, because it means you're interested in this enough to go through the whole thing. Feel completely free to add your own thoughts, correct any errors I've made etc. As per usual, my DMs are completely open to anybody wanting to discuss ST <3

Let's start off with the basics. ‘Euclid’ is the anglicised version of the Greek name Eukleídes (Εὐκλείδης), mainly known via the ancient Greek mathematician Euclid of Alexandria, who is seen as the ‘father of geometry’, and most famous for his work on symmetry. Its general definition is something or someone who is renowned and or glorious (A) and the lesser known definition is something that is a copy of the same (B) (taken from Euclid’s ideas on symmetry), which we’ll come back to in a bit.

However, there is another Euclid in history that we’ll be referencing; Euclid of Megara. This Euclid, similar to our mathematician, was an ancient Greek Socratic (having been a pupil of Socrates) philosopher. I’ll be taking part of a text out of his Wikipedia article since his ideas have been explained thoroughly there.

(we'll be coming back to him soon)

First off, this is an incredibly interesting choice of name for a song. Outside of someone's maths and philosophy class, this name doesn't exist to most, so the fact it's been chosen at all is intriguing.

Vessel has shown time and time again he enjoys sometimes elaborate references in his art, an example being chemistry and biology in TPWBYT (most notable would probably be ‘Telomeres’), so, I think it would be easy to say that, whether it be a reference to Euclid the Mathematician or Euclid the philosopher, that said reference is understood and intended by Vessel.

So, let's start with our mathematician, shall we?

What I find interesting about Euclid of Alexandria is that his life and existence outside of his work on geometry is almost completely unknown. There's almost nothing known of him, as a person, other than where he spent half of his career (Alexandria; Egypt, hence his title), where he may have studied (Platonic academy) and a general idea of when he lived (around 300BC). What is known about this insanely famous man who created the foundations of symmetry is incredibly barebones. People take Euclid at face value for his work, just like Vessel (both as an artist, and a character).

Further, we, as listeners, don't have much of an understanding of who Vessel is other than being a mouthpiece of a deity known as Sleep, someone once human now grasping at the threads of humanity and someone sharing some of his struggles in life (both with Sleep and unknown people). Like Euclid, he is barebones, we take him at face value; a vessel. He is both a mouthpiece for Sleep, a mouthpiece for his own emotions (obviously) and a mouthpiece for us. His experiences transcend being just his, due to his anonymity, therefore allowing us to connect and express our own experiences. It's music for the sake of music; expression.

Now, having talked through Euclid as a person, it's time to talk about Euclid and his symmetry. Symmetry in shapes is 'reflections, rotations, translations, and combinations of these basic operations. Under an isometric transformation, a geometric object is said to be symmetric if, after transformation, the object is indistinguishable from the object before the transformation- a copy of the same’. So, of course, this means shapes like squares, rectangles, parallelograms and circles. Circles are a representation of infinity, wholeness, unity and loops. What does Euclid do? Loop itself (starts and ends with B major, which also happens to be the same chord that TNDNBTG starts with), and loops the three albums together, musically and lyrically.

Now, onto Euclid of Megara.

Euclid was born in Megara, Athens and was a follower of Socrates (sneaking into Athens to hear him speak, and he was also present during his death). He is most known for his philosophy that good is the knowledge of simply being and that the opposite of good does not exist, aka evil. The Good is described to be a perfect, eternal, and changeless Form, existing outside space and time. A form of Heaven without a God.

This idea could be linked lore-wise with Sleep Token; Sleep could, in a way, be The Good literally. Bliss. Further, with the idea that there is no actual opposite of good, then how can anything be bad? How can Sleep, as a deity, have bad intentions if there is no actual evil?

So far, with these two notable figures in mind, we can perceive Euclid as one of two ways (and there are more ways to come). Euclid can be seen as quite literally being a form of symmetry; a parallel that Vessel lays his life on because it brings all of the produced albums, all of his stories, together. Or, we can think of Euclid as Vessel. This brings me to @euclidsvessel's post on their theory on Euclid; what if Euclid was Vessel’s name before he became a vessel?

The theory that Euclid could be Vessel’s old name is not only extremely insightful, but very plausible as well. They explained their points very well in their original post, and I don't want to repeat what they’ve already said, so I do implore you to go read that! It's not detrimental to needing to understand this post, but I highly recommend it. Despite this, I am here to both support their argument and bring my own comparison. Take a look at the cover art for Euclid:

Let me repeat the lesser-known definition of Euclid; a copy of the same. A clone. A replacement. Held in the right hand is the decapitated head of Vessel's old (2nd gen.) mask. Specifically, the one that covers his mouth; the version that relinquishes the most amount of humanity. The album art is a representation of change portrayed in a symbolically gory way. Beheading, depending on the era you’re working from, symbolises both vengeance as well as a form of purification. By cutting off the head, you remove any ‘unholy’ thoughts. It's also among one of the most horrific and humiliating ways of killing someone (since it was typically done publicly, and sometimes the heads were placed on spikes of battlements as a warning).

Furthermore, there's a theory that's popped up a couple of times, lore-wise, that Vessel is not the first person to be turned into a vessel of Sleep, and he certainly won't be the last. So, considering the literal album art illustrates a replacement of Vessel, I’d say that theory is pretty much confirmed. In conclusion, the album art can either be interpreted as how Vessel will eventually be discarded and replaced by another vessel, or how Vessel himself will change, for better or for worse; clawing out of his own skin to become “someone new”.

So, to compare the idea of Euclid being Vessel’s old name, and to create the third perception of what or rather, who, Euclid is, what if Euclid will be the eventual replacement for Vessel?

[the-demon-prodigy]

Dazai and the Meaning of Life

here's a little thing i cooked up recently about dazai's ultimate goal and how he views the meaning of life. i technically have more thoughts on this topic but i hope that this is at least sorta good anyway :3 this whole thing i tried to follow an essay formula and i tried to make it sound professional and under the impression that the viewer does not know much about bsd (bc we're going to do an essay unit at my school and i lowkey wanna show these to my teacher who doesnt know the series hehe)

also the conclusion of this post mentions that maybe the ada will come to understand dazai as well and btw i do think that the ada cares for and (partially) understands dazai when the story takes place just for clarifiation afsflfsfjk

neway lets get on with it!!

TW: Su1c1de mention (only briefly)

it'll be under the cut :] pls enjoy

Among the many intricate characters of Bungo Stray Dogs is Osamu Dazai. Sharing many similarities with his namesake, the real-life Osamu Dazai, he is heavily philosophical in his contemplation of the value of an ongoing existence. The Dazai of Bungo Stray Dogs is very dear to me, and so I wanted to detail his relationship with the meaning of life.

Dazai has sought the meaning of life since the age of 14, or even younger. He is a hyper-intelligent character and sees the world far differently than those around him, who fail to see the full picture in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai is immensely analytical and calculating, often crafting intricate plans to entrap his foes, further proving his intelligence. Although most people live their lives aware of death, Dazai understands its presence in a way that many others fail to. He understands that everyone dies someday, and in that inevitable state, none of the material things matter. Friends will leave somehow, money has no value in the afterlife, and intelligence means nothing once you’re dead. And because everything will die someday, living is just a pointless game of arbitrary constructs. So why live in a world like that? It’s pointless.

Due to Dazai’s immense intelligence, the intricacies of his philosophy slip away from even me. However, I know for certain that Dazai has spent much of his time reflecting and polishing his worldview to the point that it’s iron-clad. Nothing escapes him, and he capitalizes on this to create a set of concepts that none can reasonably argue. But… Why? 

It’s likely that Dazai finds comfort in his own mental health issues; he’s lived with them since he was a child and, when he is in the Port Mafia, it protects him from the grim criminal world that his teenage self is being forced to live in. If he continues to seek a goal even if he knows he won’t achieve it, it makes living in a pit of carnage and demons far easier. (That, and Dazai has a habit of letting his emotions override his brain when something is too hard for him to face, which is often, because Dazai has hardly ever had anyone that can help him mature emotionally.)

Speaking of Dazai’s goal that he partially had given up on, let’s cover that. Dazai is well aware of his alienation from the rest of society due to his intelligence and knows that others can easily find meaning in living. And so he wishes to study them. The fact of the matter is that Dazai generally values human life, but he doesn’t consider his own life to be that of a human being’s because he operates far differently from those around him. People wander and find meaning in life and regret things and experience things and Dazai believes that that is what it means to be human and that is what it means to live.

Dazai seems to believe that humans have a vicious, violent true self that exists in order to help them survive. He joins the mafia because he believes that those in the criminal underworld are stripped of societal constructs and so are their true selves. (Dazai also joins the mafia because he believes that by observing immense amounts of death up close, he will be able to get a more ‘full’ picture of what it means to live, which contributes to his goal of finding the meaning of life.) He believes that if he studies how humans live and why they want to live so easily, practically by nature, he will be able to ‘become human’ and wish to live as well.

Dazai believes that the meaning in life hides in the nature of human beings. Dazai wishes to understand humans so that he can understand life. Dazai thinks that his own life is pointless, that he will suffer for eternity, never understanding why others wish to live and never finding something worthwhile. Everything passes, including that which Dazai loves, and so he tries to cease living and cease loving. But he fails, because Dazai is not inclined to evil. He is a blank slate, but one who loves by nature and denies harsh truths and doesn’t want to be alone.

Dazai hates his differences with others and idolizes humans. He doesn’t want to hurt or kill others, because they wish to live, and that is what he wants for himself. That is what he admires. (Dazai also admires those who choose to be good despite being human, which Dazai believes is indicative of intrinsic cruelty, and he, again, believes himself to be incapable of being ‘good’.) 

Dazai has lived in a far emptier world than others for ages. Yet he is lonely. Still, he is but a child who has never been able to grow up but had never been allowed to be young. He’s existed in limbo for ages. After a year in the mafia, he’s given up. He’s concluded that he will not find anything in the mafia and possibly nowhere else. So he doesn’t even intend to leave the cesspool of systemic abuse that has broken his childhood self so horribly that he cannot face the sun nor the stars.

But someone proves him wrong. A person who is a friend to Dazai that understands him so heavily and simply fails to find the words to convince him to keep trying. In that person’s final moments, he tells Dazai to leave the side of darkness and become a good person.

Dazai will not find a reason that satisfies him; that’s just how he is. But if he works to be good, he will become that, and his life will light up with meaning because saving people, the same people that Dazai has never understood yet wished he could because he thought they were remarkable in their ability to find meaning in life, is beautiful. 

Even as a 22-year old who has left the Port Mafia, having defected to the Armed Detective Agency, Dazai has still failed to find the meaning of life that is the existential answer he so seeks. However, there exists something far more fulfilling than anything else in saving people and revelling in the small things. All while drinking tea at a cafe and pestering his coworkers, Dazai carries with him a melancholy so intense that others are often kept at arm’s length, and yet he is happy. Because perhaps his whole life will be a search, but things far more beautiful than any answer exist on the way.

And perhaps his coworkers, no, his friends, will be able to reach Dazai as well.

[cherryys]

Hii, this is the anon ^^ thank you for answering!

Before saying anything I wanted to say that your reasons are pretty solid, and Yuuji's detention center death thing is one of the reasons that make my own waver a lot lol. I didn't even consider that Kenjaku's words could still apply despite them being technically separated (for now). And also that second-to-last paragraph made me tear up a little ngl.

Maybe my reasonings are tainted by me being an itafushi fan too lmao, but these are mainly the reasons that make me think they'll have the same fate:

Their cog mentality. Yuuji's is more prominent and repeated, but we see Megumi present it too in chapter 9 (a little fun fact is that Gege uses slightly different kanji for them, Megumi's 歯車 being more like a literal cog and Yuuji's 部品 more like "part/component"). Maybe this is more of a meta read from a reader's point of view, but imo having Gege give them such similar, low views of themselves and their roles in the story makes me believe they'll both end up looking in the same direction and come to the same conclusion (especially after that narration post-Choso's death and everything that's been building up for Megumi, with his own role and purpose being obliterated).

They're also taking each other's roles as the plot progresses. If Yuuji literally dooms himself for Megumi's sake (ch.1) and sacrifices himself for Megumi (ch.1/9), then it's Megumi's turn to put himself in danger for Yuuji's sake (ch.143-212). If Yuuji has to go through his own personal hell (Shibuya) by Sukuna's hands, then Megumi has to go through his own personal hell (Tsumiki) by Sukuna's hands. I also think it's important that it's been made a point to show this "whose turn it is to sacrifice himself to Sukuna" thing through the title of the chapters being the same in ch.9/212, when even Megumi himself had said in the detention center that "it seems our roles have been switched" (from who's going to die - Megumi thought it would be him this time).

Like, I don't really know how to express it better, but they've spent the entire story sacrificing themselves for the other, so I think the conclusion will be them putting an end to it by finding their own value through the other. There must be a reason Gege has been having them mirror each other's paths throughout the story. I just can't see one's conclusion without the other's, since this story started with them both. I don't see Wasuke's "curse" as the ending but more chapter 1 as a whole, which is about Megumi and Yuuji making sacrifices for the other until both of them have to bear the burden that is Sukuna.

Maybe "taking the burden together" means they'll both die with the King of Curses but the cycle will just repeat again years later as is humanity's nature, maybe it means they both will have to find a way to live after all this devastation in their lives, despite it all. And yes Yuuji is the MC so his own, personal curse from the start of the manga should take priority, but Megumi (and Sukuna) is so tied to him that I think they will have to either die or live together. What would it mean to Megumi if the one person he has decided to save dies for his sake? Or what would it mean for Yuuji that he has to follow the cruel fate he's decided/been given instead of managing to pull through and finding a reason to want to stay alive, selfishly (since saving Megumi is definitely not the sanest choice here)?

I yapped a lot sorry if this doesn't make much sense, but overall I think I just have a more optimistic(?) point of view, and of course I could just be very wrong. After all, jjk has tragedy in every of its corners and who better than the protagonist to put a nice, final bow to it lol. But tragedy can take many forms so I guess I just want to believe that jjk also wants to say that unwavering love/humanity CAN break even the biggest of curses and to keep on moving forward no matter how bleak everything is, and there's no one better to do that than the two guys who have been pulling through for each other from the very start (Megumi finding a reason to get stronger in Yuuji, Yuuji finding a reason to live in Megumi during the CG, etc).

(p.s.: here's my translation of Wasuke's last words from the og jp text, but i'm leaving the jp too in case you want to translate yourself ^^:

オマエは強いから - you're strong, so

人を助けろ - save people

手の届く範囲でいい - it's fine if it's those within your hand's reach

救える奴は救っとけ - save those who can be saved

迷っても感謝されなくても - even if you waver, even if you aren't thanked

とにかく助けてやれ - even then, save (people)

オマエは大勢に囲まれて死ね - die surrounded by many people

俺みたいにはなるなよ - don't end up like me)

You bring up very valid points! Yuuji and Megumi's fates are very intertwined so it's hard to see any conclusion of either character without the other intrinsically embedded in it.

An ending where they both die, effectively ridding the world of the King Of Curses since it's a burden they both shared would be pretty tragic in its own right imo but them both surviving and helping each other heal while trying to fix their mistakes would be a much more hopeful ending and would especially work with the theme of the younger generation breaking the cycle of the older generation, where Gojo & Geto made disasterous decisions and died before they could truly bear the consequences of it (Shibuya and Culling Games), Yuuji and Megumi will live on to bear the consequences, but this time together, where the burden will be much more easier on their shoulders.

Yes JJK is a tragedy, but it shouldn't be a depressing one all the way through. We see scenes of hope that things would turn out better this time (Megumi telling Yuuji to share the burden after Shibuya, unlike Gojo who told Geto that he alone should bear the burden of failing to protect Riko, thus driving them away from each other) (Jujutsu Sorcerers fighting together to stop Sukuna instead of the classic mentality of "Jujutsu Sorcerers die alone so they should fight alone) stuff like that.

I do think it would also be unnecessarily cruel if Yuuji were to die right after Megumi (assuming he gets up because of Yuuji eventually) starts believing in a person again right after he drowned in despair because he lost all the people he believed in lol but Gege is known for just putting Megumi through the wringer so it would unfortunately fall in line with what he's doing. Like that guy can never catch a break, holy shit. (People kept saying he hates Gojo, but look at what he's doing to Megumi 😭)

i'm not too hopeful that one won't bite the curb prematurely, but i would like it if they do live on

(Also thank you so much for the translation!!! Official translations can be so wacky and the original meaning always gets lost in translation(

[bandofchimeras]

thinking about NPD acceptance/positivity tonight. i still feel uneasy with identifying too hard with personality disorders but here's a thought:

a road block to healing mental & emotional wounding is often inability to accept due to toxic shame, that goes to the core of a person. like a huge part of NPD and other personality disorders is believing "I am X" and "X is evil/wrong/inhuman" and the logical conclusion "I am inherently evil/wrong/inhuman." therefore overinvesting in crafting an image of the self that becomes bloated and obscures actual self awareness. maintaining this image is exhausting and often impossible. especially when it is linked to moral obsessions. nothing is more disconnecting with other human beings than having intense internal pressure to maintain a delusional image of the self as good/perfect.

some folks end up "solving" this issue by inverting it and being fully honest about their shame-based image instead. it's a kind of relief, but it doesn't actually allow you to connect with people. it's Bojack Horseman. he leads with how much of a POS he is, and guess what? self fulfilling prophecy.

he's a bit more tolerable than Mr. Peanutbutter in that show but still - both characters miss out on the full truth of their humanity. Or dog-manity? horsemanity?

The shadow side and the basic fundamentals goodness of being a Being on this Earth, in everyone. In fact life is simply complicated and good/bad a somewhat arbitrary, community defined distinction.

So what does that have to do with NPD?

Well, honesty is a good first policy. But the intense self focus of the disorder, is disabling, and can lead to hurtful actions due to lack of awareness or understanding. I don't see personality disorders as value neutral due to the fact they are disturbances in the balance of human relationship. It's not the pwNPD's fault, but the way they've learned to exist causes issues. It just does. I don't think it's positive although many narcissistic people have positive traits still. They simply tend to be incapable or struggle to do the simple relational repair work of apology, sincerity and investment in others well-being. These are skills that can be learned, as the core wound of toxic shame is also addressed. It is possible to crawl out of the prison of your own mind into the sunlight.

But it is really, really hard work. And that's where personality disorder acceptance or at least just "lots of people are fucked up and it's possible for them to still learn and grow" as a movement is important.

I believe personality disorders need the same destigmatization as, for example, meth and crack. Not because yay they're great! or because everyone will and Should recover or else be deemed Inhuman and Irrdeemable, but because everyone deserves to be seen in their full humanity, and have access to what it takes to recover, even if in the end they can't beat the habit.

Because narcissism is a deep, wormy habit. For most of us, a survival habit gone awry. And for some of us, autistic people especially, we might never be able to survive without focusing a lot on ourselves and getting called narcissistic for it.

A friend talked with me about my inability to show up for them recently. I kept coming back to my intent and they told me this was hurtful too because regardless I still impacted them. And the old habit of anger and denial and splitting came up to the surface. But under it I felt a inkling of empathy, like really being able to sit and imagine what their pain felt like. That inkling gets shoved down because it brings up pain with it - pain of toxic shame and guilt, of frustration that I feel at my absolute limit and can't live up to expectations, anger with myself, fear of those selfish parts of me that don't actually give a fuck.

It challenged me to be honest.

Addicts say you know you're in trouble when you realize you have stopped caring.

So with these personality coping traits, it is similar. I'm losing my battle when I stop caring about others. And I can't care about others without caring for myself enough to at least not be in empathy burnout.

I would really like to be a person who carries extensive knowledge of machinery or plants or languages or myths or even just my friends and community. To give myself over to that and feel how good it is to let go of self image and be in passionate mutual relationship with life. Instead of cramped anxious and stuck within myself like a tangled labyrinth. Or my only area of expertise being psychology I have learned to save myself.

However at this point in life habits are setting in. I know the old cracks and quirks of my traumagenic beliefs like "reaching out to people is a nuisance" or "if I do not pretend to be perfect some terrible thing will happen" or "being liked is more important than anything" they're very well worn. but I am not sure they can be beat until I am secure enough to let go a bit, and get into some deep therapy or creative work.

it's very annoying to be run on old programming and feel unable to do anything concrete about it yet.

So yes, personality disorder neutrality is helpful. Recovery is a life long process. It upset me a lot when I first read that in a forum somewhere. I wanted so badly to be fixed and have this horrible fear and shame in my soul removed. But it's a long dirty process that you have to learn to enjoy or at least feel deeply. just like addiction recovery. Stigma only cements people in their shame and keeps them isolated.

Those are my thoughts for now. And Yes, I've been reading Gabor Mate's In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts .

[profoundlyfaded]

Thank you for answering!

I came to the same conclusion, with similar reasoning - yes, the fear of dying is probably the biggest aspect, but I had other factors both influenced by the romance and out of it but linked.

What I love about the idea of Lichdom in this game is that it’s not something evil. You have to have a moral conscience to survive the sifting of the soul, and I think deep down that Emmrich doesn’t think he’s good enough for it - I’ve mentioned it before when I added those thoughts to your post about the Harding dialogue - he’s been ridiculed and received scorn for coming from poorer means. That sort of thing leaves a mark on the mind no matter how much you rise. Simply, he fears death and fears he is not good enough through deep buried shame.

At this point in his life, I don’t think a non-romanced Emmrich would choose Lichdom either. The implication I get is that he already has the right to undergo the final rites and has been putting it off. It feels to me that he if he hadn’t left with Rook, he’d have waited to attempt the final rites until he was on his death bed - the last chance to avoid eternal death, and more time to stock up on being mentally worthy.

Within the romanced storyline, I think another reason that Emmrich would chose mortality is because even if you say you’re okay with Lichdom (that said, I don’t know how this conversation looks for a non-Mourn Watch Rook), I don’t think he would actually take that at face value. I actually think he would be held back by the consideration that loving an entity of dead flesh and bone, would be a step too far. He’s at great pains to tell Rook that the usual rules don’t apply - which basically translated as ‘it’s not classed as necrophilia, darling, I’ll have a soul’. So clearly, there is a rule that you don’t engage in romantic relationships with the undead - probably why he’s so pissed off with Taash for calling him a skull fucker; it’s abhorrent.

That fear of Lichdom being a step too far is represented in the crypt scene after The Fade in the Lich Path; they’re in private but he’s in mortal form. My initial, raw analysis of that was he was giving Rook comfort with the familiarity of the face they fell in love with but no, the decision to appear mortal is about him and his feelings. He thinks Rook’s feelings have diminished and there is the gentle push away when he tells them they need to rest because he’s bracing himself for the end. I suspect there is a part of romanced Lich-Emmrich who might consider the relationship close to the moral line of the aforementioned abhorrence.

As an over thinker, romanced Emmrich would have probably considered this in the abstract and would have been another barrier for him in choosing Lichdom. He will do anything to keep Rook, even face his greatest fear and put aside his life’s work to keep them.

As an aside, it’s quiet funny really that if you go down the Lichdom route, you are quiet possibly unleashing pure, unbridled chaos if Emmrich is romanced. He’s so polished and comes across as beyond reproach - you think to yourself, he’s a guy who can handle the responsibility of watching over the world for eternity…. Nothing could possibly go wrong here…

You’ve done the deep dives, and considered a good number of elements in your study of Emmrich’s romance… so my question is… for a romanced Emmrich, of course…

At the point of making the decision, if Emmrich was making it autonomously, would he choose to remain mortal or become a Lichlord?

And why?

When I read this at 6:00am yesterday I sat like this for a good 20 minutes before passing out, contemplating -

And I think I have an answer for you.

Romanced Rook

With a romanced Rook, I think (and yes of course a developer, and RPG decision, but outside of that -) a romanced Rook x Emmrich and this decision is actually an important part of their dynamic. We think back to the graveyard scene, the one where you can discuss lichdom and commit to his romance. He specifically states that he will inform Rook before making any decision and gather their input, as Emmrich will consider a romanced Rook a 'close family member'.

I believe Emmrich is also looking for that validation. We know how 'fast' a romanced Emmrich and Rook can progress in their relationship because they are perceived outside of their relationship to be two fools in love. I think Emmrich is asking Rook as a form of, what do I do? What are you okay with? I think Emmrich may believe that Rook knows him better than he knows himself at that point in time. Rook mirrors his fears too. Emmrich has a fear of death, Rook a fear of failure.

All in all i think Emmrich seeks out Rook's advice because he loves them and I think that's important.

The Decision

This is quite a difficult decision, but if we look at the dialogue during each choice in that scene, I believe if Emmrich was making the decisons autonomously, he would choose mortality. I say this because when you choose lichdom as Emmrich's decision path, the reasoning for choosing it is "you are well equipped to deal with lichdom emmrich". I beg your finest pardon but in what universe is he well equipped. He did not in a mere FEW HOURS, get over the fear death. He could barely hold up the lantern untill Rook encouraged him and manfred showed him what courage is. I think pure love and courage that was shown to him would factor into his own decision. Additionally, if you choose the mortal decision of resurrecting manfred, he requires far less 'convinving' and Rook offers simple guidance, "oh ya know things maight be easier: compared to "youre well equipped do it".

All in all, I think he would, in his decision, choose mortality. Simply because Emmrich has his life now, his family, and he can see that. You can see that in the final boss fight with Hezenkoss. He chose to be courageous. Lichdom was his way to escape his fears, not transcend them in the name of love.

[tracinginwardinvestigation]

Play #8: Beating for the sake of beating?

One of the things I’ve come to appreciate lately is the joy of beating the game for the sake of it. I used to believe that to enjoy a game to its fullest, I have to experience as much content as I can: all of its side quests, all of the optional minigames, all of the secrets, and so on. The thought of skipping these contents rarely crosses my mind, in part because I thought I would have a lesser experience; after all, doesn't the journey through the game matter more than the destination? Yet, such obsession with “full experience” was perhaps one of the reasons I soured my experience with some games by forcing myself to slog through parts I didn’t like. Thankfully, I’ve gotten better at understanding why I enjoy playing video games, so I’ve left that mentality in the past. Sometimes it is nice to just prioritize my own enjoyment over experiencing everything; that’s what I did with Legends of Amberland, Victor Vran, and Trine series, and what made me love these games a lot, enough that I want to replay them properly one day. Had I forced myself to experience everything in these games (in particular with Trine’s late-game difficult puzzles), I knew I would have gotten burned out sooner or later.

This priority reminds me of how I used to play with toys back in childhood. Here, I optimize my own enjoyment first and foremost, while disregarding the game’s intact cultural or artistic value. My goal is to relax through engaging with the game’s content: to puzzle out the solutions, to laugh at the humorous writing, to enjoy an epic story mindlessly, to have fun overcoming a combat challenge, and so on! And once I begin to feel bored with the game, I just rush into the ending instead of forcing myself to play further. If I am playing simply to entertain myself, not to evaluate how well-crafted the game is, there is nothing wrong with not experiencing all the contents so long as I feel entertained the whole playthrough, isn’t it? The key lesson is that I should not feel guilty for not experiencing everything fully; there is always next time.

Still, why do I need to beat a game first in order to consider my whole playthrough to be fun, I wonder? There are times when a lack of proper conclusion often leaves me feeling empty, but I never thought hard about why a conclusion is important to my enjoyment. For example, while I do enjoy playing open-ended life-sim games like Animal Crossing: New Horizons or Stardew Valley, I usually get bored eventually, which in turn sours my feeling toward them even if I had fun playing them before that. I feel the same struggle with roguelike games despite my liking of their gameplay. In a way, the only way I could feel satisfied from playing these games is to establish an end goal—something to stop my engagement before boredom takes over. Take Dead Cells for example, I set my end goal to be beating the seventh level Astrolab, so when I reached it, I was left satisfied and had not touched the game since.

Additionally, there were times when I could feel this same satisfaction even though I "finished" a game through an alternate means instead, such as through watching a YouTube video. This was the case with Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth. As the final battle was too difficult for me, I had to resort to a YouTube video to see the ending. Similarly, I couldn’t finish Yakuza 0 in game because the game constantly froze at the final boss cutscene on my old lap, so watching the ending online was my only option to conclude “my” playthrough. Even though I didn’t “earn” such an ending, I still felt a similar sense of accomplishment, or joy, that came from beating a game. What is this satisfaction that comes from beating the game? Could the answer be as simple as because finishing a task is fun?

What’s more, I’m also curious if my urge to reach the end of a game at all cost is inherent to my mind, or if it is learned as a consequence of consumerism. By consumerism, I referred to the behavior of hoarding games that has been normalized in gaming culture. Everywhere I go on the internet, jokes about the endless backlog are everywhere; it’s fairly common for someone to take pride in cleaning their backlog (including me), as though video game is something to get through, not to experience. Putting it that way, I can’t deny the possibility that one reason I enjoy rushing to finish a game is because I want to clear my backlog: to put the game out of my mind so I can focus on something else. Even so, the reality here is that I only love  the Trine series as much as I do right now precisely because I rushed to the end instead of forcing myself to play the parts I didn’t like. Perhaps it is unwise to conclude that the urge to rush to the ends should be unlearned simply because it can be associated with consumerist mentality.

Lots of questions opening up with little answers… I will have to revisit this topic another time.

[sekwanele]

Cultural Humility

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) defines cultural humility as “a lifelong process of self-reflection and self-critique whereby the individual not only learns about another’s culture, but one starts with an examination of her/his own beliefs and cultural identities.” A strategy or frame of mind called "cultural humility" can be used by people while interacting with people from other cultures. It entails realizing and appreciating the intrinsic value and worth of all cultures and the people who inhabit them, as well as one's own cultural background and any inherent biases. Cultural humility places a strong emphasis on the value of self-examination, mental flexibility, and a readiness to absorb new information.

This is a real matter, especially in healthcare, where we work with people from all walks of life, including different races, genders, and ages. It is critical that we as healthcare workers we need to learn to be understanding and accepting of other cultures. Upon engaging with this topic I thought to look up how most African clients view diseases like CVA in their culture. A study(https://www.researchgate.net/publication/358084551_If_I_Were_to_Suffer_a_Stroke_Right_Now_the_First_Place_That_I_Should_Be_Taken_to_Is_the_Traditional_Healer_Community_Beliefs_and_Health-Seeking_Practices_for_Noncommunicable_Diseases_in_Rural_KwaZulu-) that looked into the community of Ingwavuma (KZN) and its members cultural beliefs in noncommunicable diseases like CVA. And why they first attend traditional healers and the hospital when the condition is worse. It found that most of the men believed that their role as a man means they must neglect their health as they believe that as a man you have to be strong and work to provide for the family. One of the participants stated that should he have a stroke his first step would be to go to a traditional healer.

This made me think of how a patient of my of one of my colleagues patient passed away due to a multi-organ failure shortly after getting they got a pass out and went to their traditional healer. I came across a study that found that 36% of rural South Africans who had an STI first consulted a traditional healer first, (Tradit, 2008). This is that often the tricky part of healthcare work where you know according to Western education that there is no cure for STIs like HIV, as you have to always respect client autonomy. Often time many clinicians get frustrated with a client who shares a different belief based on their culture. They often act biasedly to the client who oftentimes comes back to the hospital in a way worse condition because of non-compliance which according to our training is wrong. I faced a similar conundrum with a CVA client of mine that believed that he got the condition due to his family performing witchcraft on him and wanted to get out of the hospital and go to a “Sangoma” , unfortunately, this is not unique in the African culture. I was really conflicted as to what to tell him if I tell him that it would work, and what he was believing in was wrong. This would immediately affect treatment however my supervisor at the time advised me to educate the client and also get an understanding of the client’s context and possibly get the contact details of the healer so we could possibly work together to get the client better.

In conclusion, culture is very important in healthcare and one needs to always have in mind that their client won’t always have the same belief as you. You however need to stick to the Hippocratic Oath that you will act in the best interest of the client and reserve all biases and beliefs from affecting treatment negatively. Always remember we are part of different cultures, and one culture is better than the other. However, it’s essential to find a balance where you can work with the client without going against their cultural beliefs whilst achieving the best result from treatment. This is often difficult but very possible, it just depends on what type of clinician you want to be.

References:

Harrisberg, K. (n.d.). 27-year-old stroke survivor who cried out in pain accused of witchcraft. Life. Retrieved May 19, 2023, from https://www.news24.com/life/archive/27-year-old-stroke-survivor-who-cried-out-in-pain-accused-of-witchcraft-20180820

Mngqundaniso, N., & Peltzer, K. (2008). Traditional Healers and Nurses: A Qualitative Study on Their Role on Sexually Transmitted Infections Including HIV and AIDS in KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. African Journal of Traditional, Complementary, and Alternative Medicines, 5(4), 380–386. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2816575/

Sufrin, J. (2019, November 5). 3 Things to Know: Cultural Humility. Hogg Foundation. https://hogg.utexas.edu/3-things-to-know-cultural-humility

[wonda-cat]

Misconceptions About Tommyinnit’s Character That Genuinely INFURIATE Me

Since the recent events following the second L’Manburg Festival and subsequent war, I’ve seen many, many hot takes surrounding the nature of Tommyinnit’s character on the SMP. Some of which annoyed me to the point where I felt compelled to sit down and actually write this. I’m going to only be highlighting the most common complaints or questions I’ve seen, one by one, in hopes of providing a better understanding of Tommy’s character for anyone interested. (I also briefly discuss Techno and Tubbo’s characters as well.)

If you’ve said similar things to what I’m going to be discussing below, please know that it’s perfectly understandable how you’d come to these conclusions. Some of these aspects of Tommy’s character are not always obvious; especially if being watched from another streamer’s POV. This may become quite lengthy, so bear with me for now.

“Tommy’s motives are all over the place. He can’t decide whether he wants the discs back or not.”

Tommy is actually one of the most motivationally consistent characters on the entire Dream SMP. Even Techno, someone completely confident in their ideals, does more motivational flipping than Tommy. From the very start of the story, Tommy has always cared for three things; L’Manburg, Tubbo, and his music discs. However, him caring for something is not itself a motivation. 

Surprisingly enough, his motivation isn’t even just, ‘Get my discs back,’ like many assume it is. Tommy’s one true motivation, since the end of the Independence War, has always been, ‘Keep things the way they are now.’ 

Tommy’s one fatal flaw is that he is resistant to change and refuses to let go of the past. This is seen through all of his actions and words; in all conflicts involving him. This flaw is the drive to all of Tommy’s mistakes. Burning down George’s house, an action which resulted in him getting exiled, was done out of a desire to pull pranks the way he used to before the first war. His friendship with Ranboo started because Tommy said he reminded him of Tubbo, back before he was President. 

Tommy still talks highly of Wilbur because he chooses to remember him as the wise, kind mentor who cared for him. This motive is the reason he defends L’Manburg so fiercely; it’s his memory of a better past. This is why he holds grudges more often than any other character; especially refusing to forgive Techno after he killed Tubbo during the Manburg Massacre.

It’s why Tommy falls under extreme distress whenever Tubbo or Quackity tell him that something will never be the same again. This motivation is entirely formed from an underlying desire for peace and comfort, something Tommy has been denied since being forced into a life wrought with war and death. To accept change, to Tommy, is painful and terrifying. But he will only ever truly be happy when he finally learns to let go.

“Why do the discs matter so much to Tommy? They’re not actually worth anything.”

Tommy’s discs are much more than just any ordinary pair of music discs. They were never important for their material worth, but for what Tommy was willing to sacrifice in order to keep them. Tommy is entirely what gives the discs their value. 

Tommy also commonly operates under the Sunk-Cost Fallacy, wherein he’s invested too much of himself into something to just abandon it, even if it’s causing him problems. This mentality is a huge piece of what keeps him tied to both L’Manburg and to his discs. He’s sacrificed too much at this point to simply let them go. If he admits the discs are worthless, then he’s admitting that he wasted all this time and effort, just to keep them.

The discs also act as a constant source of hope for Tommy because they are directly tied with his motivations as a character. They’re something he’s had since the very beginning. They’re something he used to listen to with Tubbo on their shared bench. 

To Tommy, they symbolize a life before war, filled with comfort and peace. They are a love letter to his country and his late mentor Wilbur. They are a physical representation of Tubbo’s companionship. They are the only thing, besides L’Manburg and his best friend, that gives him the hope that he can one day return things to the way they used to be. 

This ideal, paired with Tommy’s refusal to let go, has left him ruthlessly pursuing the things he’s lost. Not his music discs, but his peace and comfort, his friendship, his country, his mentor Wilbur, and his life before war.

In his desperation to hold onto his prized possession, it has only hurt and pushed away the people that love him. If Tommy continues to ignore this reality, while still refusing to resolve his major flaw entwined with it, he will lose all that the discs had once stood for. He will lose his country, then his friend Tubbo, and then he will lose himself.

“Tommy never grows or learns from his mistakes. This makes him a badly written character.”

Characters do not have to constantly learn from their actions to be well-written. Tommy is one of the best examples of this. The fact that his growth is infrequent is the entire point of his character; it’s completely stemmed from his fatal flaw. 

By addressing himself, he would be accepting change, something that terrifies him; something he stubbornly resists until he is absolutely forced to confront it. Contrary to popular belief, Tommy knows when he makes mistakes, but he pretends to be ignorant as to avoid facing reality. He digs his head in the sand despite knowing better, puppeteering the person he used to be during happier times, now gone.

In spite of his infrequent growth, the idea that Tommy still hasn’t learned anything isn’t quite correct either. Tommy, as of the last three plot streams, has shown incredible character development. By giving up his discs again, he had finally demonstrated that Tubbo is more important to him than his possessions. Speaking as a makeshift leader, he put aside his issues with others to rally them together against a common threat, something which Tommy had never been able to do before. He owned up to all of his mistakes openly, apologizing to everyone he’s ever hurt in one place. 

He apologized to Tubbo after they were reunited and came to terms with the fact that Tubbo was forced to exile him without choice, finally forgiving him. He was kind to Sapnap and learned how to be his friend after months of bitter rivalry. And these are only a few examples. This isn’t to say Tommy has overcome/fixed everything because he clearly hasn’t. There are still major things Tommy needs to work through that remain unaddressed, the biggest being his complicated relationship with Technoblade.

“Tommy only cares about himself. He does everything in his power to be the hero, always putting himself in the center of attention, especially during Doomsday.”

Tommy, since the start of the L’Manburg War for Independence, has never set out to be a hero. Not once. He may fall into the role of the protagonist, but his identity as a hero was pushed onto him by others. Giving up the discs was his only option during the Independence War. 

So when Wilbur called him a hero for it, Tommy said he didn’t feel like he was. During the November 16th War, Tommy again said he didn’t feel like a hero because he had lost what he thought was everything at the time. During exile, Tommy certainly knew he was no hero. And upon reuniting with Tubbo, he admitted to feeling like the farthest thing from it. That he’d hurt everyone and all he wanted to do now was fix it. 

The day before Doomsday, Tommy only took a leadership position because no one else was willing to, filling the role for Tubbo, who was crumbling under pressure. He had no choice but to try to bring everyone together, or fight alone. Most viewers never saw this during Doomsday, but before the battle, almost everyone who had vowed to fight alongside L’Manburg had abandoned them the very next day. They were convinced it was going to be destroyed either way, no matter what they did, so they chose not to see it through to the end; ultimately leaving Tommy and those who remained to fight a losing battle, alone. 

After about a third of the way through the battle, it became clear to everyone that they could do nothing to win. One by one, everyone stopped fighting and stood by to watch their country go up in smoke. Tommy was the only person on the battlefield who refused to stand down and give up. And so he took over the role as leader again, trying his best to keep them alive, to keep Tubbo hopeful; to keep fighting, no matter what. 

However, what most people don’t realize, is that this isn’t Tommy trying to be a hero or force himself into the spotlight. This is Tommy trying to convince himself to keep going. Because whenever things start to look hopeless, Tommy simply chooses to ignore them. He puts on a happy face and soldiers through it because that’s all he knows how to do. Tommy, at his core, is someone who wants peace through stagnation. He doesn’t want to fight, although causing the occasional friendly conflict is how he finds fun. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt others. 

Tommy may come across as self-centered, but this is because he is an extremely extroverted character. He finds energy and joy in the attention of others, both good and bad. It’s why he’s always seeking the approval of others and, oftentimes, will destructively insert himself into another person’s life in order to find it. 

Out of every character in the story, Tommy is the most drawn to praise and positive reinforcement. He is constantly seeking out mentors and friends because Tommy needs someone else to help him feel confident in his own identity and abilities. It’s why Wilbur was such a positive influence on him. His boisterous confidence has always been a front because if anyone were to actually hurt him, he knows it will make his self-esteem crumble instantly. 

This is part of why Dream’s manipulation was so effective against him. By isolating him, he’s left without energy and looking to another person’s guidance. Tommy outwardly may seem independent and rude, but just under the skin, he’s unconfident and lost when he’s by himself. Tommy will only grow from this flaw when he finds his own identity and inner confidence; when he finally learns to be okay with being alone.

“Tommy goes to the festival solely to get his disc back and then tells Tubbo to give it away immediately after. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Before the screaming match between the two friends during the second L’Manburg Festival, Tommy had been in exile, manipulated by Dream for long enough to lose his will to carry on. It is because of him that Tommy’s reality becomes distorted, long after fleeing from his abuser. This mangling of ideals leads Tommy to subconsciously believe that L’Manburg and Tubbo are unsalvageable. 

Therefore, the only thing he has hopes of retrieving are his discs, which are easier to manage than the latter two things. And so Tommy does reprehensible things at the behest of Techno in a vain hope of getting them back, going so far as to kidnap and torture for them. This ultimately culminates in a confrontation between the ex-friends, quickly turning violent. It is in this violence that we see Tommy has sunk to his absolute lowest point in his journey. 

Swinging his axe, he nearly kills his friend as he delivers a string of words that cause the room to silence instantly. He says the discs were always worth more than his friend. Within the quiet of the room, Tommy is forced to reflect on everything he’s done. How he kidnapped and tortured Connor. How he accidentally drowned Fundy. How he traumatized Ranboo. 

And now he’s hurt Tubbo, the one person he has always sought to protect; someone he vowed to never hurt. This realization causes Tommy to break. He’s so ashamed of himself that he can’t look at anyone. Tommy knows now that he is worse than anyone he’s ever hated. 

With pain in his voice, he tries and fails to apologize to Tubbo in the moment. The only way he knows to redeem himself now is to prove to Tubbo, after everything, that he can still put the discs aside. And so he does.

“The fact that Tommy is still trying to get his discs back after L’Manburg was destroyed is unreasonable and ridiculous.”

Tommy deals with grief in an interesting way, doing something very similar to Techno. His grief almost instantly becomes anger and a drive to prove himself. It morphs into a need for vengeance in response to injustice, always. 

After the destruction of L’Manburg, Tommy saying he wants the discs back is a double-sided motivator. The obvious side being: Tommy still needs them to feel comfort. The subtle side beneath it: Tommy is using them as an excuse to find Dream and kill him. To make him pay for helping destroy their home, hurting his friends, and abusing him in exile. 

Upon the loss of his home, I’d also argue the discs have only grown more important to Tommy in the aftermath. Typically, in grief, people hold onto things that survive devastation far more than if the tragic event never occurred. If your eldest child dies, one may hold their surviving children tighter. If your house burns down, one may deeply treasure a box of items that survived the flames. Tommy’s desperation after losing so much is entirely understandable.

On top of this, the discs are still the core to Tommy’s fatal flaw. They are what keeps him from achieving total happiness, so him getting over this intrinsic part of himself so easily would make for an unsatisfying character arc. He still has to work for his happiness in order to change for the better. 

To add, I’ve seen a lot of people complaining that Tommy is still prioritizing the discs over Tubbo, especially in that moment. And while I mostly agree, there are some interactions that stand out to me as being different between the pair that may imply otherwise. Tommy says a few times that despite L’Manburg being destroyed, he still has something left to lose; each time, turning to look at Tubbo. 

This subtly implies that losing Tubbo would be as devastating as losing his home. Tubbo also never voices disagreement over Tommy’s continued pursuit of the item. However, Tubbo frequently does what he thinks will make others happy, so this doesn’t implicitly mean support for Tommy either. Besides these two things, this is still Tommy’s fatal flaw shining through, continuing to hurt others around him. 

I only hope Tubbo can learn to stand up for himself and voice his real thoughts to Tommy now, after everything. It would provide at least some desperately-needed closure for Tubbo’s character.

“How could Tommy betray Techno like that? Techno told him upfront what he was going to do.”

While it’s true that Techno was obvious about his plans, Tommy was also just as upfront with Techno about what he thought of it. In fact, maybe even more so, considering Techno attempted to hide them from Tommy for a good portion of their partnership. Whenever Techno brought up the idea of destroying L’Manburg or hurting Tubbo, Tommy would always remind Techno that he didn’t want to hurt anyone. And that if Techno ever did, Tommy would be there to stand in his way. He never once stopped saying this. 

Tommy’s two major positive character traits have always been his undying loyalty and his strength to never give up, even in the face of death. Two classically heroic qualities, both of which, ironically, reinforce his fatal flaw. His refusal to change makes him stubborn; stubbornness being the only quality that makes unwavering loyalty and extreme persistence feasible. 

Because of these two traits, it was impossible from the start for Dream to completely break Tommy’s spirit and for Techno to get him to agree to anything too extreme. Despite this, Techno already had no hope of keeping Tommy on his side after the events of the day before the Festival. During it, Tommy had asked multiple times for Techno to give his word not to hurt anyone. That they’d only threaten to spawn a wither, get Techno’s remaining weapons in exchange, then leave. That’s it.

Techno avoided directly promising Tommy but still agreed not to regardless. So when Techno chose to spawn the wither anyway, despite Tommy urging them to leave multiple times, whatever trust Tommy had with him went completely out the window. Thus, when the threat was finally real, that Techno would make due on his promise to burn his home country to the ground and slaughter his friends, Tommy intervened. It would be unreasonable to expect Tommy not to stand against him in that moment, especially after his mental breakdown which ensued as a result of him nearly killing his best friend. 

Adding salt to the wound on Tommy’s end, Techno decided to also align himself with Dream, someone Techno knew Tommy was afraid of. This might have been a way to purposely hurt Tommy. More likely, it was because Dream and him shared a common goal in the moment and Techno desperately needed allies.

However, the implication of Techno siding with Tommy’s abuser most certainly hurt him, regardless of its original intentions. This is possibly why Tommy kept insisting through Doomsday that Techno betrayed him, avoiding actually telling anyone the reason as to why. If he couldn’t find the words to describe what Dream did to him, even to Tubbo, he certainly wouldn’t be able to tell Techno either.

“Techno gave Tommy everything, only to be repaid with betrayal.”

This statement regarding Tommy is the one I see most often. (It is also the one I get the most heated about.)

Dream’s character is well known for his manipulation tactics against other characters; pitting them against each other, crushing them under his heel, bending their will to conform to his own. It’s what makes him an interesting villain. It’s something fun to discuss. 

But is it still fun to discuss manipulation tactics if they’re so subtle, almost no one notices them? This is the paradigm Technoblade’s character falls into. While people know Techno for his laid-back personality, dry humor, and complex motivations, many fail to recognize him as a manipulator. The reason why this is so hard to spot is because it is mostly unintentional on behalf of the character. Dream performs his craft with intention, Techno does it without realizing. 

As well as this being unwitting, it is sandwiched between Techno’s actual attempts to connect with Tommy and care for him. Thus, making the manipulation feel less damaging. The only problem is, this still hurts Tommy just as much, regardless of the intentions behind it. Especially after just escaping Dream, Tommy’s reality and sense of identity are horribly distorted. In this vulnerable state, he desperately needs healing and someone to help ground him. This is what makes him even more susceptible to Techno’s influence. 

And because it is much subtler, it is harder to notice, and much harder to break free from. Despite Tommy claiming to hate Techno for what he did on November 16th, he still chose to flee to his house because it was the only place he could think of going, as well as being the safest area possible. After the failed execution, Techno mentioned potentially hurting Tubbo through a vengeance plot. Tommy voiced extreme distress over this, to which Techno threatened to kick him out of his house. 

Tommy then says he’s fine being homeless because he doesn’t want anything to do with someone who would hurt his friend. This is when Techno decides to weaponize Tommy’s own trauma against him. To be fair to Techno again, Tommy never told him the extent of the abuse he suffered in exile. But Techno isn’t stupid. He knows Tommy is extremely afraid of Dream, and for good reason. 

So he tells Tommy that if he were kicked out, he’d be defenseless. That if he were out there all alone, Dream would find him very easily. That Dream would drag him right back to Logstedshire in an instant. He notices the way Tommy reacts to this, how quickly he changes his mind about being kicked out. He continues to use this trauma repeatedly in order to keep Tommy under his roof, no matter how disagreeable he gets about Techno’s plans. He knows he can’t retrieve his weapons alone because he has no leverage. 

Therefore, using Tommy like a wild card was a major side strategy. Techno knows it will hurt Tubbo by doing this and may make the President more willing to compromise. In addition to this, many of the strategies Techno utilizes are Narcissistic manipulation tactics, categorized by their intent to keep the victim in a position below the abuser in terms of worth. This includes Techno using the silent treatment as a punishment, something which hurts Tommy since he craves affection from others. 

He also attempts to isolate Tommy by telling him he doesn’t need anyone else; that everyone abandoned him during exile (something which Dream has also said.) He tells Tommy that he’s only alive because Techno is there to defend him and supply for him, as well as constantly reminding Tommy to not let any compliments he receives get to his head. These are both meant to make Tommy depend more on Techno and doubt his own abilities. Techno also occasionally engages in subtle gaslighting, attempting to sow doubt in Tommy’s mind about his relationships with Tubbo, Quackity, Ranboo, and Fundy. 

It’s also vital to keep in mind what exactly separates Dream and Techno in this regard. The most important thing being that Techno actually does care about Tommy. He trusts him and wants to earnestly help him. He knows Tommy has been traumatized and abused in some way, but he doesn’t know how to help because he’s not that great with people. It also doesn’t help that Tommy is unable to tell anyone what happened. 

In the end, Techno really does want to be a shield for Tommy. Despite debating handing Tommy over to Dream, it’s more likely Techno was using this as bait for Dream to waste his favor on something useless. After all, he could always save Tommy, should he ask for him to. Techno’s warnings about Tubbo and L’Manburg also come from a place of love, as Techno was personally hurt by them and wants to protect Tommy by telling him to leave it behind. However, just because something is done out of love, doesn’t mean it’s automatically helpful or good for someone. 

There’s no better example of this than in Techno’s most damaging and frequently used tactic: ‘Buy Their Love,’ a technique commonly used on children by narcissistic parents. At first glance, nothing seems wrong. Techno gives Tommy most things he asks for; providing him with food, gifts, protection, and a place to sleep. The manipulation within this arises when the act of kindness is counted as a debt against the person who receives it. That by receiving so many good things, they would be ungrateful to go against their abuser. Doesn’t matter if they emotionally or physically hurt you, they gave you gifts, so you should shut your mouth and allow the abuse to continue. 

Whenever Tommy speaks out against Techno’s violent actions or his plans to hurt his friends, Techno would frequently bring up all his ‘good deeds.’ He consistently reminds Tommy that he could’ve just thrown him back to Dream, but he was too kind. That he went out of his way to give him gear, food, and a roof over his head. That he was kind so Tommy should be quiet and let Techno plot to hurt the people he loves. Or else he’s selfish and ungrateful. Or else Techno will take all of his gifts back and leave him with nothing.

Knowing this, it is horrifying seeing people justifying this behavior by mocking Tommy’s character and calling him ungrateful using this very same fallacy. (Especially for those who grew up being controlled by this very tactic.) 

It is through knowing Techno’s use of the ‘Buy Their Love,’ method that makes Tommy’s, ‘I am worthy,’ response, not one of betrayal, but one of triumph. This moment is a major positive character change for Tommy for many reasons. When Tommy decides to stand against Techno, this causes him to fall back on his most reliable tactic. He insults Tommy and then asks for the Axe of Peace back. Instead of caving, Tommy refuses. 

By keeping the Axe of Peace, Techno’s final gift to him, he is not only rejecting the destruction of all he loves, but he is breaking free from Techno’s manipulation. He says, ‘I am worthy,’ because now he knows his own self-worth. He doesn’t need Techno or Dream to decide it for him. This moment is Tommy finally breaking free from not just Techno, but Dream as well. He is finally free.

“Tommy was only using Techno and never thought of him as a friend.”

Tommy and Techno’s relationship is complicated, which is why pretending only one side was in the wrong isn’t entirely accurate. Their friendship, in summary, is tragic when fully examined; being doomed from the start. Techno and Tommy are brought into conflict often because they are simultaneously so similar and so different. Techno and Tommy both deal with grief in the same way. They both long for a life of peace and comfort. They each long for companionship, hold their ideals in kind, and are both naturally resilient in the face of adversity. 

Yet, their personalities and courses of action are polar opposites. What makes this friendship one of tragedy is the fact that not just Techno, not just Tommy, but both of them, actually thought the other was their friend. They had each wanted to be the other’s friend since the day they’d met. Tommy never stopped wanting to impress Techno and get on his good side, even if his methods annoyed the target of his affections. Him calling Techno ‘The Blade’ was never meant to dehumanize him; it was a title of adoration. 

Along the same spectrum, Techno is a character who generally longs for friendship, but pretends not to after a lifetime of hurt. He’s been burned too many times, and so he chooses to stay alone. Techno is generally very reclusive and awkward around others, so when he likes someone or cares for them, it’s noticeable from a mile away. Their friendship has a very brotherly dynamic, and the fact that Techno allowed him to stay in his house, implies Tommy is a step above pretty much everyone else but Phil. Putting up with Tommy’s shenanigans is itself a sign of affection. 

However, when their goals come into conflict and the two start to drift apart, they deal with this in massively different ways. With Tommy devastated and enraged, and with Techno withdrawn and hurt, once more burned by someone he slowly learned to trust. They were once both friends, neither one was pretending. Yet, both of them thought their companionship was unreciprocated. 

On top of this, both Techno and Tommy were using each other. Techno used Tommy to get his weapons back by manipulating and lying to him. Tommy used Techno to protect him from Dream and get his discs back. They each hurt the other and refused to listen, both shouting valid complaints at the other that they refused to hear. 

Their relationship is also deeply affected by the themes of vengeance in the current arc, which is something I haven’t seen many people talk about. Most of the current conflicts this past month have resulted from characters being unable to forgive, resorting to revenge as a way to cope with loss. L’Manburg was the first to initiate this, through the influence of Quackity. The Butcher Army was formed to punish Techno for a war crime he committed. And while this is perfectly reasonable, what isn’t is the way the incident was orchestrated. It was an unchecked abuse of power to execute someone without a fair trial, as well as punishing Phil, who was not involved whatsoever. 

This was also particularly unfair to Techno, as many projected their anger at Wilbur onto him. Even Tommy did this, finding himself unable to blame his late mentor, so Techno was the next best option for him. However, it was Techno’s response to this that was interesting. He chose a path of vengeance, the same way L’Manburg did, after vowing to live his life as a pacifist. By doing this and following through, he hurt everyone, not just the people he claimed needed to pay for their actions. 

Instead of just picking the weed in the garden, he set the entire flower bed on fire. Through L’Manburg’s destruction, he gets what he wants. He destroys their government, but he also scars the earth and shatters the sky. He leaves uninvolved people homeless, deeply hurting Ranboo, Eret, and especially Ghostbur. Philza turns to vengeance as well, taking his anger at the death of his son out on people who do not deserve it. 

Tubbo, a day before the second Festival, was given another chance to seek revenge when Techno had spawned a wither on their land. Instead, all Tubbo could say was, ‘We do nothing … It’s pointless, vengeance. It’s poisonous.’ By doing this, he has managed to be a bigger person than even Techno was, with the strength and maturity to turn the other cheek. And now with Tommy’s plan to kill Dream, the conflict continues to escalate; only ending where forgiveness begins. 

It’s sad to think, if Techno didn’t choose a path of vengeance and Tommy was strong enough to tell Techno how he really felt, the two might have remained friends. Who knows? Maybe they still can.

“Tommy was the one in the wrong. Techno was right to destroy L’Manburg.”

Techno is a lovely character. He’s well-written, engaging, funny. He has many values and quirks that are generally relatable and interesting. His motives are deeply understandable and sympathetic. And yet, he is perfectly capable of being evil, in just the same way that Tommy can be deeply flawed despite being the protagonist. 

I’m sure most people already know that Technoblade is a villain. Or more accurately, a tragic antagonist. Techno (the streamer) knows he is and he’s having fun playing that part. Just because a character is morally in the wrong doesn’t mean their values and ideology don’t have merit. The best character I could compare Techno to is Thanos. 

They have completely valid concerns and points, but it is the way in which they go about achieving their goals that makes them into evil people. And despite this, many will still agree with them, even after they do something reprehensible. Contrary to popular belief, Technoblade’s tendency towards violence isn’t a good thing, no matter how you look at it. Even Techno himself knows this, that’s why he decided to reform and become a pacifist with Phil. He was not a good influence on Tommy, on top of also manipulating him. 

Techno caving to hatred and vengeance makes him no different to the resolve of the Butcher Army that pursued him. It is precisely the fact that he went on to destroy the home of not just Tommy, but also Ranboo and Ghostbur, that puts him in the wrong. He is allowed to despise all government and remove himself from it, but the moment he decided to insert himself into someone else’s country and take their home from them in order to destroy it, he abandoned an integral principle to his own values. 

This principle being: ‘Choice.’ The act of letting others be free to decide what they want for themselves. It is a huge component to the concept of anarchy, the freedom to choose. And yet Techno robbed this from, not just the ruling powers that hurt him, but individuals who were not even involved in the first place. He justifies this by saying it’s for their own good, that he’s helping; while acting in a self-serving manner. 

In his anger, he became the punisher, stooping lower than L’Manburg has ever gone. There is also the issue of Dream weaponizing Techno to destroy the one thing that has been a thorn in his side since the very start, manipulating Techno’s grief to achieve his goals. Tommy’s biggest sin in the Doomsday War was standing up to Techno and getting in the way of him hurting his friends and destroying his home. 

This isn’t to say Tommy is perfect, because he still hurt everyone he ever loved. But the only way he knew to redeem himself was to fight for what he knew was right. And so he chose to fight alongside his best friend, Tubbo. However, just because Techno is in the wrong doesn’t mean others are wrong for wanting to side with him, or by finding joy in his ruthlessness. The biggest appeal of Techno is the fact that he opposes people like Tommy. 

He knows how to put people in their place and it’s satisfying to watch. Some people love rooting for villains and it’s entertaining to see a being with so much power crush everyone else down so effortlessly. Especially because it’s so easy to sympathize with Technoblade. Sympathetic villains are the best kind; where they have understandable motivations, relatable flaws, people they love, and something they can lose. Dream is a villain you love to hate. Technoblade is a villain you hate to love. Simple as. 

Despite the destruction of L’Manburg being either devastating or fantastic depending on who you are, there is one major good it has done. It has pushed Tommy more towards the completion of his character arc. By losing one of the three things he loves, it will be impossible for him to pretend any longer. He will be forced to confront reality very soon. It all depends on whether Tubbo will have to die first for him to finally see it.

[meraus]

hope this clears things up x

eddie passing out completely only after it’s confirmed that buck isn’t hurt is a parallel to buck only letting himself collapse after the tsunami once he saw christopher was safe with eddie

[grandinventor]

Honestly the hypocrisy regarding Sokolov and Jindosh has always made me go ???? Because “Jindosh assisted the coup, he’s made terrible inventions.” K…what exactly did Sokolov do that was so different?? He EXPERIMENTED on people.

Right! Like yes, Jindosh is bad and Sokolov is old enough to start having regrets and trying to correct himself (but he is ~20 years older than Jindosh) but he was also...bad. (I have to put it under the cut it got Long)

For the record Sokolov: - experimented on people (for the Plague sure, but that's what we know of and he wasn't exactly nice about it, he had them locked behind a wall of light) - did some kind of vague disgusting rituals to summon the Outsider - Delilah did not like the implied sexual relationship she had with him when she was 20 or so years younger and had no way to climb from her bad life but being his "apprentice". - drove Roseburrow to suicide after he turned his benign inventions that brought prosperity to the Empire into military grade weapons that were used to oppress the people. - those include the guns and weapons, walls of light, arc pylons, arc mines and tallboys. - invented an electric chair used to torture the workers at Rothwild Slaughterhouse so they won't form a union (and said electric chair is lethal too). - invented a machine to electrify the whales and keep them alive for long so their whale oil can be harvested (this whole whale thing is very much implied to be Bad for the overall world state in the first game). - is a master at whale vivisection, you know cutting them open alive. - did assist Hiram and sided with him until we literally had to threaten and bribe him to help us did everyone forget this? - did invent a lot of the useful whale oil systems that did help the Isles go into the new era of technology but the majority of those can be attributed to Roseburrow himself. - found the cure for the Plague with Piero.

And speaking of Natural Philosophers, there is also Piero who has a far smaller list of shit but he: - was generally a creep and was creeping and peeping on Callista who is like 20 years younger than him (not that her being older would make it better). - has this very interesting and not at all concerning and fucked up audiograph:

- found the cure for the Plague with Sokolov - made Corvo's mask and the Heart for what's worth.

On the other hand Jindosh has a very similar list because he:

- tried to do or did some experiment on his peers that almost landed him in jail. - uses prisoners the Duke gives him to test his Clockwork Soldiers. - has used his electroshock machine on some baker (can't defend you here king). - has let people die in his house, by his house but in his defense he does tell you at the door that you shouldn't go in or you will die, which goes for most houses of nobles and important people anyway. - has dissected those that have died or were nearly dead in his house. - killed a cat when he was a kid so he can dissect it (people are so touchy on this one, all Natural Philosophers dissect animals, it's not the serial killer material y'all thought it is but you tried). - did not invent any weapons but the Clockwork Soldiers, however improved Sokolov's military designs to give Karnaca and Serkonos their own walls of light, arc pylons, audiographs and other devices so they won't have to import from Gristol. - invented a lot of harmless and GOOD stuff like the silvergraph (he was gonna make movies! and just having photography available to everyone is such an improvement to society), the carriage system in Karnaca and also he uses hydraulic systems as in hydropower to power his house instead of whale oil which is pretty nice given the shortage and the cruel methods of producing it. Also I think his company makes a lot of heating/cooling and ventilation systems too. - has made a replica of the Heart at the Academy. - made a machine that drank sea water and made sounds that drove people to tears (in high chaos it's a toy made of cat bones that worked on whale oil but it drove a girl to madness). - was expelled from the Academy for undisclosed reasons that are described as "a little accident" in "The Return of Daud."

And also to add, dissection is like a perfectly normal thing at the Academy, at least in the first game. I don't know why dissection and animal dissection was made such a big deal in the world of Dishonored, like yeah its morbid for us, but we don't operate on the same in-world morality.

So like in conclusion from all I listed, Jindosh was just as bad as Sokolov, or rather Sokolov was just as bad as Jindosh. Piero is also a shithead but he decided to die so he isn't my problem now, but both are just...bad scientist men trope. They both suck. The only difference is that Dishonored 2 decided to go with the spin that old Sokolov realized he was bad and tried to run away from it and make up for his sins while Jindosh is the dangerous, mentally ill coded """psychopath""" who loves killing and will never change or become good just so Sokolov can get the moral high ground. And after making sure they drive the point home that Jindosh is mentally ill crazy and mad inventor with no empathy who will kill for fun, they then had us lobotomize him. And then despite the people working on his level asking for a 3rd option where we don't harm him, creative direction said no and they realized his non-lethal was just a bunch of shock value crap, so they made his "canonical" fate to die. And like...all of this could be avoided if they didn't use Jindosh as a leverage to try and retcon or sugarcoat Sokolov's crimes and acknowledged both suck but they are fun characters.

I am sorry this got long, I am very passionate on the subject because Jindosh's non-lethal is one of the few things in fiction that upset me and this is coming from someone who love Jindosh AND also likes Sokolov a lot as a character despite all of his flaws. So it's not just me hating on Sokolov, I wish this arc was written better between them because the potential was there. Jindosh had so much potential as a character and they just threw all that good voice acting and amazing level design for nothing.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

*sitting and pondering the orange side like all good Fanders* (these are purely running, “out loud” thoughts… take of em what you will, spoilers for WTIT)

This is very long and convoluted but I eventually conclude on an alternative to the Orange = Wrath theory…

If we’re to believe that the “dark sides” except for Virgil have been foils to the current sides… Creativitwins with their green and red… Patton who was replaced by Janus, and now colour wheel complements Logan and Orange… then we all are kinda following the same line of thought that it’s MCU villain style ie the hero and the villain have similar power sets but different aesthetic..

Roman and Remus being the clearest example. Both brilliantly creative but Roman seeking more conventional creativity that ensures positive acclaim vs Remus’s bizarre, unconventional and uncomfortable creativity that sometimes produces brilliance like in WTIT with his Rube Goldberg traps…

Yknow. Colour-wise… primary colours: Red, Yellow, Blue… mix colours: Purple, Orange, Green… and then there’s the oh so legendary crayon theory with the broken blue… which I always thought rep’d Patton and Logan since they were the mind and heart? And so are connected… if anything pre-Remus, I might’ve thought Patton and Logan were twins…

Which leaves Janus. A “dark side”. He’s the remaining primary colour. If we follow this idea, shouldn’t Janus be one of the core four and not Virge? But then this comes through as what Thomas prioritises value-wise, as well as self-preservation reasons and his mental state…

But Janus being the original 4th and having clear control over the other sides and being sitting in that tree like he knows all and hides these deep dark secrets kinda makes sense?

And his direct colour complement on the wheel is Virgil? So this lends further credence to the idea that they actually should be swapped… but Virgil’s presence in Thomas’s mindscape is prolly too big to ignore or suppress and so Janus, like the snek he is, operates behind the scenes… I know he replaced Patton first, but Patton has since leaned towards accepting Janus for various reasons, and in general he isn’t hostile towards Janus? At least not in the same way as the others.

Honestly I still hold the idea that Logan and Patton are the true foils. As has been established in the past. And yknow crayon theory.

But then Orange is Logan’s current aggressor. And pulling it back to villains with the heroes power set, then it stands to reason that Orange is something very similar to Logan.

I know the predominant theory is Wrath. Anger, as it were. But if we consider: Creativity, Logic, Morality, Anxiety, Deceit, Intrusive Thought… except for maybe Anxiety, the other sides aren’t so heavily referential to an emotion, and describe a function. Even Anxiety is something of a function and mental and bodily response that is particularly heightened c!Thomas… ie Fight or Flight. Which is why I’m hesitant to confirm it is Wrath. Even though there is certainly strong merit.

There’s other theories that to complement Logan, Orange is Ignorance or more likely, the feeling of being ignored. Someone mentioned Injustice, and the righteous anger that often accompanies it.

I was thinking something along the lines of Control or Accountability… maybe too on the nose… Maybe it’ll even be a softer concept than Wrath but is able to stir up strong emotions as a result. Since Logan is the least flashy side, what if Orange is the least flashy dark side? Like his presence can certainly cause explosive reactions but he himself doesn’t do much…Maybe Disappointment?

What I’m leaning the most towards is Irrationality

Which would make the perfect foil to Logic. Logan is all about proving things through facts and best practice. He says he doesn’t have emotions. And yet he is prone to explosive outbursts of rage and anger when he feels ignored or insulted or looked down on.

Irrationality could be a bit more subtle and also work hand in hand with Intrusive Thought. Logic says there’s no reason to get angry. Irrationality says there is.

Logan says that Thomas will definitely listen to him one day!

Irrationality whispers in his ear that he never will.

And Irrationality having an influence on the others? Irrationality exacerbating both Remus and Virgil’s powers over Thomas’s psyche? Irrationality compelling Thomas to turn to Deceit aka Janus for help? Irrationality playing into Patton’s desperation to hide in memories and nostalgia and the past? Irrationality playing up every single one of Roman’s securities and desperation to prove himself?

I’d have to think on him in a more positive skew. Like being irrational can get Thomas to push the boundaries, stand up for himself maybe. I’m not sure yet. Would deffo play into the Love side because sometimes Love is irrational!

I think Orange is Irrationality.

We took a while to get to this conclusion but methinks this is it.

[goodqueenaly]

In more parallels between ASOIAF (particularly future writings on the sons of Maekar) and The Accursed Kings (what can I say, it's what I write), I think this short paragraph from the first novel, Le Roi de fer (The Iron King), might be on point:

Philip the Fair realised that he would get nothing out of him [i.e. his youngest son, Charles]. He looked at his children as if he had never seen them before, and wondered about the value of primogeniture; he thought that nature often served the law of the throne extremely ill. What absurdities might not Louis, his unreflecting, impulsive, cruel eldest son commit as head of the kingdom? And what support to him would be the youngest, this mere rag of a man, who collapsed at the first crisis? The most qualified to reign was undoubtedly the second, Philippe. But it was clear that Louis would never listen to him.

I don't think it's stretching the point too far to suggest that Maekar likely felt the same way about his sons (specifically Daeron, Aerion, and our Egg) as Philip IV felt about his three sons here. In two successive generations, Maekar had seen how "nature often served the law of the throne extremely ill", and consequently "wondered about the value of primogeniture" himself. Where was the merit of primogeniture when the successor by that law to Daeron II was Aerys I, a weak and disinterested king who allowed his realm to be pillaged by Dagon and controlled as a police state by Bloodraven? Where was the value of primogeniture when Aerys I's own heir was (until his death) the mentally unstable Rhaegel? Why, when Maekar himself had the commitment and command ability to defend the realm, had he been born his father's fourth son, only coming to the throne through a series of dynastic accidents? And now, having become king, why were his two eldest sons so obviously ill-equipped to become kings after him?

So I would not at all be surprised if Maekar came to very similar conclusions about Daeron, Aerion, and Egg as Philip did about Louis, Philippe, and Charles. Daeron was not only unreflecting like Louis (someone who had come up with a horrible plan to hide himself and Egg simply to avoid the tourney, who seems to have applied himself not at all to the typical training of male Westerosi aristocrats and royals) but may well have been seen by his father as "a mere rag of a man, who collapsed at the first crisis" (as Daeron - "a wastrel and a drunkard" in the words of the WOIAF app - had lied about Dunk to save his own neck the moment he was caught, literally just laid down and did nothing during the trial). Aerion, seemingly representing the other side of Louis, was himself "impulsive" and "cruel" - Maekar needed only to think of the public torture of Tanselle at Ashford to prove that - and might well commit any number of "absurdities" as a result (if, say, Maekar remembered Aerion (probably) murdering the surrendered Haegon Blackfyre on the battlefield). While it's as yet unclear how Maekar felt about Egg during the former's reign, I don't think it unlikely that Maekar saw Egg as "[t]he most qualified to reign"; Egg was not only intelligent, bold, and brave in his youth, but grew up to be (as GRRM described him) a "strong ... kindly, [and] approachable" king. However, since Egg was a fourth son, some 10 years younger than Daeron and probably eight or so years younger than Aerion (who had also abused him throughout his childhood), as well as the friend and longtime squire of the hedge knight who had publicly beaten Aerion and been officially the opposing party to the two brothers in the trial by combat, Maekar could well have figured that neither Daeron nor Aerion would listen to Egg.

Small wonder indeed that "[t]he chief issue of Maekar's reign was the question of his heirs".

[life-rewritten]

Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I  write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series.  An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in  2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them;  both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought.  It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm 

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.  

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective.  This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance 

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly.  He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

 A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think  (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others.  So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind.  This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.  

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that.  Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others.  Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen,  refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!).  Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first.  He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree.  So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc.  Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

[no--envies]

Today I want to analyse and compare two dynamics in MDZS I find really interesting: WWX and JC; LWJ and LXC. Although both are brotherly relationships, they couldn't be more different.

WWX and JC

First of all, we must consider that WWX and JC aren't actually brothers and that their social positions are different. This is something that shouldn't be underestimated, because JC's jealousy stems from the fact that he couldn't stand being outshined by his right-hand man (and that his father could connect with WWX better than with his own son). However, they do behave like brothers at least until WWX rescues the Wen remnants, bickering and teasing each other all the time.

When looking at WWX and JC interact, we can immediately see how different their personalities and outlooks are: they're almost never in agreement about important matters. When WWX wants to help MianMian in the Xuanwu cave, JC tries to stop him; when WWX rescues the Wen remnants, JC tries to convince him to abandon them, etc. JC wants to protect his almost-brother in his own way, but he can't really understand him. He's never been able to really understand and accept WWX for who he is. In fact, he always tries to change him. He would like for WWX to be more like him, to be less "heroic" - in part because he's genuinely worried about him, in part because he hates being constantly surpassed by him.

WWX, on the other hand, does understand JC really well. He's aware of his jealousy issues and how unhealthily proud and competitive he is, but he accepts him because he loves him like a brother. I think this is what makes their dynamic seem so unequal: it's not that JC didn't care for WWX or that he wanted him to be his servant, but that he couldn't accept him. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that WWX was just better than him, not only in talent but also in personality and attitude. Instead of looking up to him and trying to be more like WWX, he wanted WWX to be more like him. He wanted to be the better one and prove that WWX had been wrong all along (in putting himself at risk to help others, rescuing the Wen remnants, etc.). His mother's constant comparisons between him and WWX definitely didn't help and contributed to making him develop this kind of mentality, but part of it was just due to his personality.

I believe WWX and JC did love each other like brothers when they were young, but with time their relationship could only deteriorate. Their values and outlooks are simply too different: they want different things in life and fight for different things. Their falling out with each other was only a matter of time.

LWJ and LXC

LWJ and LXC have almost the perfect brotherly relationship: they get along well, they understand each other perfectly, they always have each other's best interest in mind. This seems almost too perfect to be true, but considering both of their personalities it's not that strange that their relationship is so good. They had similar experiences, since both grew up in the same environment and had the same parents and guardian; they were taught the same values, which both have internalized because they have a similar outlook; both have calm and kind personalities that aren't prone to jealousy and resentment.

LXC and LWJ also have similar levels in talent: neither of them really outshines the other. They are the Twin Jades of Lan. LWJ might have slightly stronger spiritual powers, but LXC has better diplomatic skills. LXC is definitely better suited for being Sect Leader than LWJ, who doesn't care for politics and prefers to use his skills to go "wherever the chaos is". It can be said that LWJ and LXC have a completely harmonious relationship, since both of them worked hard to really understand and accept each other for who they are, despite their differences.

LXC proves his ability to understand his brother time and time again, especially regarding WWX. Not only does he immediately notice his brother's interest in WWX, but he also shelters them in the Cloud Recesses after their escape from Koi Tower because he trusts LWJ's judgement and knows he wouldn't simply be blinded by his love for WWX (also LXC's own morals compels him to get to the truth of the matter before making accusasions). LXC's support in that case doesn't show how much he wanted them to get together, but how much he trusts his brother and how highly he regards him. I also can't help being moved when he gets angry on LWJ's behalf in the Guanyin Temple. Although his assumptions about WWX at the time were mostly wrong, he acted exclusively with LWJ's best interest in mind and in the end what he said proved essential for his brother's happiness. He even managed to keep mostly calm despite how angry he was (I love LXC if you can't tell).

Conclusion

I really like both of these relationships for different reasons. WWX and JC have the kind of dynamic that is interesting to analyse because of how it failed despite the genuine affection between them. Although JC's jealousy and resentment did play a big part in their falling out with each other, I think what really makes them incompatible is their almost opposite values. LWJ and LXC, on the other hand, are not only actual brothers with similar experiences, but have a similar outlook on life, which allows them to really understand and accept each other.