#so im just giving up and sampling it

[settofsofts]

i need to make ambient music sampling F1 this weekend or im goig to die

[coridallasmultipass]

Halloween costume hint:

(The stitch marker and the word that describes this colour-pattern of yarn [or fabric] are 2 more hints.)

[winterrose42]

I sm meant for a psperwork and objevt organizing desk job. Archivist gemersl thing study n organizer. Typinh out data and keepinh records. It is a fuvking crime this is noy a job i can find within my ares or reslly a viable one to really fo snywhere i would thrive. Plesse universe give this to me i hste calling people

[numerousenbees]

i wish people could just not cause drama over basic convos. like i cant even talk to my coworkers because somehow that creates gossip and drama over the fucking break times or some shit. like my supervisor said i shouldnt talk to them and should set up away from them (marketing food sample stuff with carts).

like i cant even have casual convo vaguely work related without drama, if i get asked anything apparently i have to pretend i dont fucking know shit. how do i even work here? i have no fucking clue, you tell me since me knowing anything causes issues. like also knowing their break time shouldnt be drama. what if we couldnt have more than one person on break at one time? well fucking shit cus i cant ask them when they are going on break or that i am. cause they might find that somehow a reason to fucking complain when i literally in every other job has to do my breaks around my co workers.

why cant people just get along and not be dramatic.

and that isnt even covering the fucking pay. it is ILLEGAL for a job policy to ban the talk of pay, yet all these jobs ban it like??? thats illegal. what? you dont want a department to know you are under paying them compared to the same job but a different department?? thats your fucking issue.

i get payed 3 dollars more than my coworkers cus i started at a different location. I cant tell people or mention pay even if it isnt I starting it. i would not do this shit if i was only payed 15 per. thats the cost of uber to the location (its closer to my college, the base location i worked for is in my hometown so i only do uber for this).

like for the pay the job is fine but i swear if i find a job that pays more and isnt a pain ima leave. this is not worth it with all the protocols and photo evidence needed TO GIVE FREE FOOD SAMPLES.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[roseband]

ew he's in nyc for some boring luxury brand's launch

[albonium]

i'm having a day

[elsolaer]

i have many thoughts in general but this tidbit from tingyun's voice lines is one of the things i wanna elaborate some more on at some point...

" Every time I head out, I leave a letter behind and lock it in the drawers of my shop. If I come back, then I'll burn it later. If I don't... then it'll be something for others to remember me by."

[deus-ex-mona]

g o o d n i g h t .

[phagodyke]

hate when ppl at work dodge my questions...

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

I keep getting ads for cheesecake factory cheesecake that you get in the freezer aisle and I waaaant

At the big Walmart they had indivually wrapped ones so I could just get a lil cheesecake treat for myself and don't have to commit to a whole box of cheesecake

But I dont go to the big Walmart anymore (and according to the app they dont have the single slices anymore anyway) and the small Walmart, predictably, has a much smaller selection of everything

[velvetwyrme]

which deception would have an sti AND fuck cars?

in reference to: https://www.tumblr.com/penny-anna/767952128217104384/imagine-youre-a-mechanic-in-the-transformers?source=share

okay. so. first off. anon, thank you for sending me this because the idea that you read that post and just went- "hey, you know who i should pose this question to?" and sent it to me- is hysterical and i lvoe u.

anyway theres also a Texty answer under the cut if you want to read that, because i genuinely DO have thoughts about this, but i wanted to draw that comic because this ask made me laugh very hard when i saw it in my inbox.

also, the thrilling conclusion of the comic answer:

he fucked that car!!!!!!!

hi! Texty time. I think a lot of them would have/be one but not the other (either has a STI or is a Carfucker) but i included some of those here anyway because i think my thought process was funny for some of them. this is all purely my own opinions etc. etc. no basis for anything only vibes. i went through a lot of options and came to a lot of conclusions.

to reiterate the Chart for claritys sake:

Soundwave: No STI and no Carfucking. This is true across all versions of Soundwave imo. Rumble and Frenzy are a solid no on the STI front and a solid yes on the Carfucking.

Starscream: no STI, no Carfucking (despite what Soundwave thinks). TFP!Starscream specifically might have an STI though. Sorry man. Skywarp definitely has/had a STI but gets it treated on account of his trinemates. No Carfucking. Thundercracker would fuck a car but doesn't have an STI.

Shockwave: ??? - I'm not sure I want to know. "Once, as part of an experiment" was the original thing I wrote for his answer lol. True across continuities as well.

Anyway. moving on...

My actual answer for Megatron: REALLY depends on continuity. Here's a sample:

G1? Yeah, probably both. I can see it.

IDW/MTMTE? Nah. Maybe? ... Nah. I feel like if he had an STI it'd have been back when he was a miner. Would not fuck a car.

Earthspark? I feel like no STI but yes to the Carfucking. Except he feels really guilty about it after. I still haven't watched ES but this is the impression I get from him.

TFA? oh god. i don't know... i don't know....... he probably fucks cars. No STI.

TFP? Yeah absolutely are u kidding me? Yes to both.

Constructicons: I feel like they'd be a yes to both, but not at the same time, so they wouldn't have been the one/s to transmit a STI to a car. Also Hook would be ON TOP of treatment. Once they ALL got infected after combining into Devastator, and that was miserable for everyone. Nobody has fessed up to being the one who had it in the first place, but now they have treatment on hand just in case.

Also while on the topic of combiners... I think some of the Stunticons are also pretty good candidates for STI/Carfucking. Motormaster, Drag Strip and Wildrider in particular shfkgbekfbk

I considered Tarn/The DJD and Overlord just because of how freaky them guys can get, but I think Tarn runs too tight a ship for that to happen, and Overlord is preoccupied with. worse things. The Scavengers on the other hand... sorry to Misfire, I can see him giving a car a STI. Relatedly, Grimlock would fuck a car but not have an STI.

Who else................................ wait.

Astrotrain. I can see it. Okay bye im going to sleep this took me too long to reply to fhfjfbrmfbdj

[qblester]

well i Dont know what else like Or what else is close In your grasp.

why Do people get upset or Like dont want to live in hotels its Been awesome its Like or theres food And cleaning and a Pool even i didnt Have a pool at Like or any house ever well Theres a "pool" but thats Or something i will get hit About so its not Real. but this One is and i Could go in it if i wanted to.

[corviiids]

"i suck at summaries": a dubiously helpful list of tips for how to do a summaries

by no means am i an expert. but in the hopes that this is helpful.

fic summaries have two main purposes:

tell a reader what the premise of your fic is in one glance, and

provide a 'hook' that convinces them to click on it.

based on those two purposes, here's what you should aim to do:

pack the key information into something that can be read while scrolling, and

make your fic stand out.

how do you do that. there are many different ways. ymmv. here are some starting points which may help if you are really, truly stuck.

details under the cut. in summary:

know your premise

keep it short and sharp

demonstrate your style

1: can you describe your premise in maximum three lines?

fewer is better. im not saying your summary has to BE fewer than three lines, you just need to be able to describe the premise as concisely as possible. not the whole fic. not everything that happens. just your premise.

being able to condense your ideas this way will improve your understanding of the work and make it easier to summarise.

sometimes it's a bit hard to isolate what exactly your premise is, especially if you were just writing into the void. so here are some questions you can ask yourself to figure it out:

what was the idea that spurred you to write the fic?

what is the climactic action in the fic?

if the fic is an au, canon divergence, what if, etc - what is the point of difference between this and canon?

if the fic is based around a trope, a genre, a particular device - how did you apply it, what makes the work familiar, and what makes it different?

this is important, because:

2: brevity is the soul of wit

now that you know your premise, it's time to jazz it up. turn it into a one-liner or similarly catchy pitch. give it a makeover.

it doesn't have to be literally one line. however, do not make your summary super long. do not make either your summary or your tags a massive block of text. the reader is scrolling. they have not yet decided to invest time in your fic.

the ideal summary is stylish and concise. your reader should be able to take it in without pausing for too long. it gives them a good impression of you: you know how to be economical with your sentences, which means your writing is probably easy and enjoyable to read.

and on that note:

3: including an excerpt is always an option

an optional option. but if you're stuck, it's a free card to play.

readers want to know that your writing style matches what they like to read. showing off your style can help you stand out to an interested reader.

try and find a few lines which are representative of the premise, representative of your style, and sufficiently intriguing. an excerpt is a try before you buy. you just wrote a whole fic. you want people to read the whole fic and enjoy your work. so show them what you have to offer.

what is an example, postmaker

look im not more qualified to give this advice than anyone else, but here's what i do if it helps. i typically pick out a short excerpt and include a short pitch underneath it. that way the reader knows what i sound like and what the fic is about.

here is a baldur's gate 3 fic summary

shadowheart says, “kill l–” “not lae’zel, darling, it’s too obvious. in fact, both of you are banned from killing each other.” astarion thinks for a moment. “in the game, at least.” -- the gang plays fuck, marry, kill.

this fic has a basic premise and hinges on dialogue, so i picked some sample dialogue to demonstrate what my grasp on the character dynamics looks like and then added one line to explain what the fic is about.

here is a death note fic summary (death note spoilers) (i guess)

The night Ryuzaki dies, L appears in Light's bed. -- (every night when light goes to sleep, his dreams place him in a romantic relationship with his newly-dead rival. it makes him sick.)

this fic has a more abstract premise, so i picked a short excerpt to demonstrate what the tone of the fic is (a bit mysterious). then i added two lines: just enough information to explain what the catalyst of the fic is, but no more than that, so that the reader will be intrigued.

here is a persona 5 fic summary

Ren grins. “You want me to date Goro?” “Pretend-date Goro,” Ann corrects. “And make his crush jealous.” “This is not going to work,” Goro says. “Sure, I’ll do it,” says Ren, still grinning. He does his own rendition of Ann’s eyelash bat. “Go out with me, Goro-kun?” “I’m older than you, so show me a little respect,” Goro says crossly. “Our relationship is off to a bad start, Ren-kun.” -- (or: what not to do when you're fake-dating your real crush.)

this fic is based on a premise everyone knows well (fake-dating trope), so i picked dialogue that samples the tone of the fic and of the key relationship so that readers can decide if i write the dynamic in a way they personally vibe with. then i added a line to tell them what the trope is, so that fake-dating trope enjoyers know that's what it is.

anyway. hope that helps

[kaivenom]

Hi, I was wondering, since it is the holiday winter season, if you could do something kinda similar to the Halloween one I requested, but it's the One Piece Guys (Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Sabo, Ace, Law, and Kidd) X Reader, in like short stories but it's them and reader doing romantic Christmas/Winter activities together?

Christmas drabbles

A/N: since this was my first year with the blog, i didn't think of doing specials for halloween and christmas like kinktober and fluffmas, things like that. So thanks to the people that requested it and i hope that for the next year i organize myself to have that events ready. And Merry Christmas!!!!

Masterlist

Luffy

Snowball fight

You asked for Nami's help and she "unintentionally" diverted the ship's course to get to a winter island.

When you all got there, Luffy was inmediatly heading to a playground full of snow, guiding you with his hand.

You both spent all afternoon doing snowball fights with the crew and building weird looking snowmen.

At the end, all the crew reunited to take dinner at some tabern of the village and Luffy whispered on your hear.

"I know that you talked to Nami to get here, i always wanted to have a snowy day, thanks... i love you." you couldn't believe that he knew and was able to wait all day to say it to you.

Zoro

Drinking outside.

You thought that he would want to stay inside the ship or on the deck.

But when you all got to a village with a christmas market and a lot of stands full of food, drinks, crafts and a lot of ambient an people, you were surprised to see that he took you by the arm and dragged you to the place.

Seeing all the liquor stands made you thought that he only wanted to get drunk but for every sip he took, he passed you another.

And then you went to try the free samples of food, and then he paid for two hot cocoas and took you again by the arm to take a walk.

You both sat at a bench and saw the people walk while you finished the liquor chocolate.

"I know that we went to almost every stant that had alcohol but if you want to go to an especific one, you can say it."

And then you saw a big wheel and even that he didn't quite like heights, he kept his word and you even took pictures.

Sanji

Since he is the cook of the ship, all his day resumed on cooking christmas dinner.

So, since he can't get out of the kitchen to be with you, you went to the kitchen to be with him.

He was a little stressed cause it's a special night but you managed to help a little, even if it was just peeling potatoes.

You played music and sang together while moving around, even a couple of times swinging together like you were dancing.

The dinner was a succss, obviously and everyone staying eating until midnight, then everyone headed to their quarters.

You helped him clean the dishes and you thought that you both would head to bed and sleep but.

"Mon amour, you've been my ray of hope all day and i couldn't give you the attention you deserved... now i am fully yours and we can go take a walk."

If the ship is near to an island, you would go take a walk to there if not, then he would do some hot cocoa and you both would sit on the deck.

Trafalgar Law

Kissing under a mistletoe.

All day, the crew tried to make you both kiss.

Law was evading this the best he could but you were oblivious to that plan.

One particular moment, you were about to exit a room and he was about to enter, so you both crashed and suddently a small mistletoe appeared above your heads.

Thanks to Shachi and a fishing rod.

You laughed and kissed his cheek, but he was so nervous that he turned his head and you both ended up kissing on the lips.

He dissapeared and you were really sad, until before the dinner he appeared with a small box of your favourite chocolate, flowers and a letter.

"Im sorry, i really like you but i didn't plan on our first kiss to be like that."

When you looked at him again, you saw that he was holding a mistletoe above both of your heads and a small smile.

Eustass Kidd

Giving gifts.

Eustass wasn't the type to give gou anything, like at all.

And you thought that for christmas he at least would have a little detail with you, but he wasn't showing any signs of that, even talking to Killer that the tradition of giving gifts was stupid.

You were starting to feel hurt cause you already bought something to him.

When dinner was finishing you decided to give him yours, at least to make him feel bad about his behaviour.

He just simply said "thanks".

Your heart cracked and you felt like crying.

You thought about not sleeping on the room that night but you didn't have the guts, you felt stupid.

Kid didn't went to bed with you at the moment and by the time he did, you were already sleep. You thought that probably he went partying with the boys but you didn't have the humour.

When you woke up, you saw a lot of gifts all over the room. You decided to nudge him.

"What?! I thought you would be happy that i get you all the crap that you were saying all the year."

"This are all the things i said i wanted ... in the year?!" he nodded, "you idiot, i thought you weren't going to do nothing... i was really sad and felt like shit."

"Woman, how could i not give you anything? it's christmas! i wanted to make it special... and thanks for YOUR gift, i really like it."

Ace

Binge watching and celebrating with the crew.

You all had stopped by on an island that had a sky station so he was living the dream.

In a very reckless way, so, soon enough he broke his leg and had to stay inside of the room.

He was sad and grumpy cause he didn't like to feel like an invalid and tried to escape a couple of times.

You managed to convince everyone to give him a surprise and make the dinner on your room.

It was fun and noisy and all of you didnt care.

He was happy and didn't try to escape for the whole night.

Then everyone left to give you some "privacy".

"Hey babe, i realized that maybe staying inside is not as bad as i thought, we can finally catch up with all the movies we didn't see."

He smiled showing you all the DVDs while catching the den den mushi to order even more food.

Sabo

Just resting.

It was christmas but legionaries never sleep, or relax, or celebrate...

So you were working on a new plan, even when Dragon sent you to your quarters.

So, when Sabo came back from an special mission just to surprise you on holidays and found out that you were working... he made a plan.

He set everything on the room to make a romantic christmas night, some themed movies and made all the shoping groceries.

And then he appeared behind you, you were so tired that you thought he was a ghost.

So he took the chair and dragged you closer to him.

"My beautiful and worker girlfriend, Dragon sent you to the room."

"But, i thought you wouldn't be here so i didn't have a reason to celebrate."

"I love you so much." he blushed and kissed you, and then take you on bridal style to the room.

[bigwishes]

Tummy Trouble

Connor flexed at himself in the mirror, he'd been lifting for years but still was no where near as big as he dreamed to be. He looked at some of his buddies in the gym that had gotten bigger than him taking roids but Connor didn't want any of that crap, he wanted to get as big as he could naturally, without risking his health.

Still he couldn't help but wish he was so much bigger.

Connor was on his way out of the gym when someone stopped him.

"Hey bro," the man grabbed Connor by the arm

Connor turned to see a unbelievable tall man who was insanely muscular. The straps to his tank top where barely visable between his shoulders and traps, the length of his tank top wasn't quite long enough to cover up his entire torso and his gym shorts looked more like spandex underwear. Connor was both turned on by the sheer size of the guy and turned off, he was clearly a roid head.

"eer, hey man"

"hey bro you look real fit, are you training to get bigger?"

"yeah man, as big as I NATURALLY can" Connor made sure to pretty much shout naturally at the guy, he'd had too many roid heads try and sell him gear in the locker room before but never had one brave enough to try it out the front of the gym

"aw yeah man, nice nice, look I got a sample for you"

"sorry man, Im not into enhancements or roids or whatever"

"you got me all wrong bro, no roids, its free gym gear we are giving out some clothing samples and asking for feedback for payment"

Connor's face turned bright red with embarrassment, now he seemed like some entitled asshole who thought he was too good to even talk to anyone not natural.

"bro I'm so sorry, I just, normally when a guy like you asks me if I want a sample in the gym" Connor began to stumble over his words trying to back peddle realising he basically just called this guy a roidhead without proof

"a guy like me?"

"yeah, eerrrrr, ya know big and..."

The giant man began to laugh and slapped Connor on the back "I'm just fucking with you mate"

Connor let out a sigh of relief

"but hey mate, so you're all about the natural look yeah? but you also wanna be a massive tank?"

"yeah man, look I know I might be dreaming but I wanna be fucking huge, like you, I just don't wanna take any enhancements"

"I think I got something for you mate, here"

The giant handed Connor a small carboard box with the words "Big and Bulky" written in bold black letters and a gift card for $100 Food delivery service stapled to the top.

"Free of charge mate, put em on when you get home and I'm sure you'll be feelin like a freak in no time" The giant man winked.

Connor took the gift and continued to thank him multiple times trying to make up for the fool he'd made of himself just moments before. He got in his car and sank in his chair. He opened the box seeing a pair of briefs, he couldn't exactly try them on in his car, he thought it'd be better to just come back with some feedback tomorrow.

----------------

Connor stepped out of the shower and dried himself off, he began his normal flexing routine in his mirror but thoughts about being staying lean and small invaded his mind fairly quickly. He contemplated if staying natural was worth it if it meant he'll never get his dream body. Pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind Connor slipped on the briefs he was gifted earlier and......they felt like normal briefs. He couldn't work out how these were made special for athletes but at least he got a food gift card out of it.

Connor picked up his phone going to take a photo whilst he looked good in the light when suddenly a golden light began to shine off the waist band of the briefs. It was like sunlight was coming out of the fabric itself. He saw the letters B....I.....G slowly appear and he watched in the mirror as his body began to swell. His shoulders broadened, chest expanded with every breath, his arms began to swell up and soon his pecs and arms were competing for space. His thighs became tree trunks and he had to readjust his package so it didn't get crushed between them, even his feet began to grow outwards. Soon it all slowed down and all Connor could do was stare at himself in amazement.

Somehow, by literally magic he had swollen up into the size of his dreams. he couldn't help but start flexing and even licking his own bicep. A small noise, like a shop bell interrupted his self worship as a tiny slip of paper was ejected from the top of the box. Connor picked it up...

"Thank you for choosing Djinn.co transformative clothing, the transformative clothes you have chosen will permanently change your body, no need to workout to stay in shape never loose muscle keep the body of your dreams... NOTE: Your attendant for the day was Big Guy Bob he has added extra command words to your transformative clothing, we here at Djinn.co only print two command words on our clothing however your interaction with Bob had him convinced you deserved more"

Connor was amazed, surely this was a dream, there was no way he had stumbled into a pair of magic transforming clothes. As Connor was caught up in this thoughts light began to shine out of the other side of the waist band, the Connor felt his body start to get bigger. A part of him thought he should take the underwear off but he wanted to get bigger, he wanted to be a giant like the guy he met today. Another light began to shine from begin but Connor couldn't see. He flexxed in the mirror looking at the letters B...U....L....K....Y appear on the waist band. He flexed as hard as he could expecting to see his muscles to double in size again.

Connor's muscles became slightly large but nothing really changed. He dropped his arms to his side hearing his stomach make a slight gargling noise.

"awww, is that it, nothing even hap-"

*FWOOOMP

Connor almost fell forward as suddenly his six pack expanded into a loose gut. Hair quickly coated his entire body and he started sweating worse than he normally would at the gym.

"WHA...M...MY ABS...MY SIX PACK WHAT THE FUCK"

Connor rubbed his new tummy on the verge of tears.

"oh god...what the fuck do I do with this thing"

His stomach let out a loud hungry growl as if almost to respond to him.

He picked up his phone and used the gift card to order some food, as if on auto pilot he spent the entire $100 instantly and even dropped another $100 from his own bank account on food.

Connor just stood in the mirror staring at his new belly disgusted. He had all the muscle he had dreamed of but felt his gut, pecs and ass wobble as he flexed. Soon the doorbell rang and Connor went to go grab his bags of food.

Bringing the bags in from inside and placing them on his kitchen bench his hands instantly dove in grabbed a handful of fries out the box without even taking the box from the bag, without realising he had stuff half the box of fries in his mouth, salt fell from his lips into his new forest of chest hair and he simply wiped his salt covered hand on his brief whilst opening a bottle of off the shelf protein shake. He began chugging it down and could feel little bits slips from his lips and into his new beard. Connor picked up all the bags and moved to his couch.

Connor blinked awake as if from a trance, all around him were empty plasic bottles from protein shakes and soft drinks, multiple empty fry boxes littered the look around him and he noticed his chest hair was tangled with salt, some burger lettuce and dried protein shake, his briefs were also covered in stain from where he had wiped his hands. He slid his briefs off noticing 3 words painted on the ass he didn't notice appear. "SWEATY, HAIRY, SLOB". Connor rubbed his new gut and tossed the briefs to the side.

His stomach began to gurgle and it sounded like a water cooler. He watched as his loose gut started to become firm.

"oh...god...whats happeneing now"

each time Connor inhaled his stomach felt worse

"I....god what the fuck"

A small ding noise interrupted Conners panting and panicing as another small slip of paper magically was printed out of the top of a closed chip box. Conner leant forward and read it.

"Hey man, Big Guy Bob here, today you expressed wanting to become a natural tank, so I made sure you got a pair to turn you into an absolute unit but I know you were worried about people thinking you might be on roids, just look at today you were so quick to think I was on them, so I added some key words to not only turn you into a huge tank but to turn you into a huge slob, enjoy the size bro"

Connor groaned as he tossed the note to the ground.

"FUUUUUUUCKKK IM SO.......BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP"

the pain subsided and his stomach went soft again. Connor stared at his enormous body in the reflection of the black glass of his TV.

"mm...mmaybe i can cut?" Conner said aloud, completely unaware of the cupcake he was stuffing into his mouth as he spoke...

-----------------------------------

I hope everyone who wanted me to write a weight gain story is happy with this one, this is probably as far as Ill every go with this kinda stuff but yall voted on it and I was happy to write it.