#also you Arent like i have to Be watched when i handle things Below me in status as its Like i get a Bit mean and Such.

[qblester]

well i Dont know what else like Or what else is close In your grasp.

why Do people get upset or Like dont want to live in hotels its Been awesome its Like or theres food And cleaning and a Pool even i didnt Have a pool at Like or any house ever well Theres a "pool" but thats Or something i will get hit About so its not Real. but this One is and i Could go in it if i wanted to.

[ganondoodle]

fuck it, elden ring DLC rant (spoilers) (long post ... oh dear)

so, to start this- this is a very emotional reaction, so take everything with a ton of salT (i need to get this out of my system bc i need to go and do stuff today, i literally couldnt get much more than 3 hours of sleep bc my mind was racing) i only know two screenshots and what others have told me (thank you) so i might be missing more context and havent seen or read it myself

(more details and spoilers for the DLC below the read more thingy)

also, just to explain a bit, i dont usually get this upset about things i like, i like alot of things, but its RARE as fuck that i care, like actually care care about something, and that just kinda happens, i dont choose it or can decide to not care, i just do, and when something like this happens its like ... a sort of grief? i cant help but care about it but it messes with me emotionally, i have no control over it and cant change anything about it when it gets bad or done dirty, leavign me to just have to watch it be real even when i dont want to accept it-- i wouldnt say so much that i 'expect' somethign specific and cant handle when its not like that (common accusation about disliking totk)- and no i dont have somethign specific in mind, i just dont want it to be bad OR things that seem done and closed off suddendly out of nowhere be revealed to 'actually' have been like this, new stuff that either makes no sense or invalidates alot about what i valued about it, what i thought was the point

(i remember two .. my only two other intersts before- see what i mean RARE- that also went down simiarly like this; transformers (bay movies and mainly prime series, listen i didnt choose it either) with each movie it got more messy and stupid, primes second(?) season had an end i hated and the following movie was the final nail in the coffin- and one piece after that, which i slowly fell out of love with bc every chapter seemed to go more into a direction i didnt like, then the reveal that luffy is a god actually was my final ok i hate that moment)

i knew demise for a long time but wasnt obsessed about him at all, it took me learning about how hylia was depicted in a non canon (?) manga (which made me annoyed me bc i didnt like it and made a design for her to counter demises instead) and then reading his few lines of dialog about her again that it suddendly HIT me, like cupids arrow into my head-- i liked but wasnt that super interested into elden ring until radahn showed up, instantly his design made me go owo and then learning his (base game) lore it HIT me (i love sort of tragic side characters that might have been powerful or heroic at some point but now arent anymore- not saying he is that elden rings lore i messy and no ones good tm- and especially so if that character is widely hated for no good reason, dismissed or forgotten, has little lore etc)

i have things i like but dont care this much about, like okami or bloodborne, i like it alot, theres characters i really like (oki) but im not like, fixated on them?- and to have two at the same time, while not equally strong, i dont think i had before, and then have both be damaged or potentially lose it in a similar way within barely a year hurts so damn much--- anyway, getting into the actual rant now lol

so, to sum things up (that i know), in the elden ring DLC later on

miquella is actually a master manipulator and brainwasher (even to his sister???? which means alot of impactful things about his relationship to people is kinda invalidated or made meaningless, shitty)

he wanted to become a god by marrying radahn (his half? brother, same father) of all people that has never been mentioned before until now somehow?? ) you can argue it was hinted to but i find it completely out of left field

miquella sent malenia after radahn to kill him so he could be put into the realm of shadow so miquella could marry him (there were better candidates for that??)- its unclear (to me) if radahn ever actually accepted when sound of mind or even knew about it at all, but failed and he was isntead inflicted with rot to slowly waste away but not die (like he is in base game)

which also means that, what i found really impactful in base game, the festival of radahn, that i thought was a tragic sort of last wish/effort for of radahn to grant him an honorable death as a respected general after being made into mindless people eating zombie, organized by his soldiers/friends- might have been just yet another attempt to kill him and get him over there to miquella (and even if not, it still makes it way less impactful and now i feel like letting him continue to roam as a zombie is more of a favor than killing him bc hes just gonna a puppet again! which turns the whole tradgedy of the stuff in base game on its head imo)

you need to kill him to get into the DLC (and i was even sus of that but shrugged it off when i heard it ..) bc that way miquella could take whatever was left of his soul and stitch it into mohgs corpse?? (which is why hes so small in that DLC fight) bc his body was rotten by that point, which also allowed miquella to control radahn and make him agree, force him to do whatever miq wanted (which ALSO might mean mohg 'kidnapping' miquella wasnt that actually but mohg too was manipulated so oud kill him and make his remains usable)

radahn in DLC is a voiceless meat puppet essentially ... like a mindless rotting zombie eating friends and fow alike wasnt enough- also means that we never ACTUALLY GET OT KNOW RADAHN HIMSELF bc hes eithe a zombie or a literal puppet (if you are gonna do him dirty at least let us meet actual real him *cries*)

his fight is super hard apparently (though i have been hearing people complain about the entire DLC being too hard, while the -casual player- streamer i watched is beating main bosses so fast they dont even get to start their second phase) when his fight in base game, and him by extentsion, was also hated bc of that ALREADY, which means more people are gonna hate his guts (he doesnt deserve that!!) AND most people probably wont get or care that its not actually HIM him so its like a repeat boss that everyone hates

it feels weirldy forced in for it to be radahn (like miquella was already said to be one of the strongest gods out there .. why hed want radahn so badly when his goal seemed to be rather .. combat less?? if you get what i mean, and radahn also rejected him??? and the tarnished is right there too????) bc theres plenty others it would have worked with that are barely used- it feels like someone jsut wanting him to be tha main guy not matter what (when he worked so much better as a side character!!!!)

a tragic but well rounded off side character (imo) was made into the main guy this is all about actually tm (i generally dont like main guys and this jsut feels so .... it just hurts, it didnt feel foreshadowed at all, and its not even truly HIM that is reveal to be a creepy asshat but hes just manipulated and controlled with the whole time, be it by rot or miquella)

and for miquella its like, no theres no even mildly good people there, hes brainwashed and manipulated everyone actually tm, a giant plan all to force his half brother into marrying him by making him into a corpse puppet bc he rejected miquella- inlcuding potentially manipulating his own twin sister, which goes agaisnt what you learn of what hes done for her in the base game i think?? (not that much into that part but yeah ... it feels unfair to her too)

it also kinda just leaves other lore from the base game in the dust? like the whole haligtree plan, how miquella cared for the rejected (i guess he didnt then??? and it was just more manipulation tm??) that castle with the eclipse stuff

(is the gloom eyes queen, marika, and or st trina even .. important at all to any of this??)

ok from reading tweets from people talkign about it, miquella says radahn agreed apparently but whether thats true remains uncertain and given the circumstances i do not think radahn did- others said that it kinda sounds he agreed to something that he didnt think would involve him marrying miquella

everything feels like its in shambles for every fan of every involved chaarcter

yes i know you can argue that it was all planned from the start and meant to be a twist and everything and that people having a different idea of characters isnt the fault of the creators .... only to some degree bc why then build up make so much lore and story about stuff that turns out to be like saying 'actually it was all a lie' like its not valid to feel betrayed then, you can plan things out all you want but that doesnt mean it cant be bad oder underwhelming

(i wished to be able to meet or know more about radahn but like in a non rot way or like past flashback whatever kind of way and then not like this anyway, like i was interested into his relationship with jerren and just .. more about him i suppose the monkey paw has curled hasnt it -or however you say that-)

and there i was like two days ago going "omg radahn mention!!!" when that one .. feyja? NPC says she fought alongside him at some point ............................................................

leonard isnt there in the DLC to my knowledge, you know it cant be truly radahn if his horse isnt there (the sole reason he learned gravitiy magic for and it stayed with him even after the rot!!! i know people have started to hate it bc people love that but i love that, it made him so endearing to me, like a character i already found cool omg has a confirmed softer spot??? in MY fromsoftware title??)

sorry for the long post of rambling, i am a mess, barely slept 3 hours, yes i am weird to care, autisms or whatever .. i need to go somewhere in an hour and havent prepared as all bc i needed my thoughts out of my head- might have forgotten stuff, idk if i will add it later or just kinda .. stew in it for a while

(and yes a big point why i feel so strongly is both bc its just gonna make more people hate him even more AND feels so invalidating of alot of other stuff- pulls other characters down with it- the entire time i was watching the streams i and trailers i thought i was like, its onw thing, with miquellas littel adventure and more background info on marika mostly on its own from the base game BUT NO I GUESS)

(read all this in the sense of an utteraly disoriented confused and drunken seagull yelling around pls i am not in serious mental distress ..)

[terranceholdsapencil]

I just watched space babies and Im gonna put some moments under the cut that are just so,,,

DOCTOR WHO SERIES 14 EPISODE 2 SPOILERS‼️ "Space babies"

-lets make this episode into one big exposition/lore dump so everyone knows whats going on

-RANI MENTIONED

-dinos <3

-ruby stepping on an actual butterfly and 15 blowing life into it again 😭 that was so stupid I absolute love it

-"One day this is wyoming"

-"Aha! Is that like a, uh, matter transporter like in star trek?" "hehehE! weve gotta visit them someday."

Im not even much of a star trek fan but I could totally watch doctor who with my star trek-autistic dad if there was a crossover. Also a crossover would be bangers.

-"Most of the universe is knackered, babes" fair.

-something about "the question is, why did I run?" "cause it was scAry!" "It was new. I LOVE meeting new things, so why did it give ME the shivers? I couldn´t run fast enough I was like 👏 WOOSH!"

I was like *clap* WOOSH!! (New stim unlocked)

-"So, this place, grows babies. What for? FoOd?" "fOo- who-whOT. FOOD? Theyre not tOmAtOes"

The way he said tomatoes is very special to me. As well as the general absurdity of that whole moment, actually

-giving her phone the space-time-signal boost!!! THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE ON SCREEN AGAIN

-space babies. First I was a bit annoyed and baffled by the way he kept saying space babies but eventually he said it so often I just went "SPACE BABIES :D"

-ruby and 15 handling the space babies??? 😭 Man that was so pure

-maybe thats growing up queer and autistic but this line killed me

"Nobody grows up wrong.

You are, what you are, and that is magnificent"

Okay Im just gonna sit down and CRY because I really needed my comfort character to tell me this. Im not ready for it yet but I still need it. Ill get back to this once Im at peace with myself. To heal.

-"because I, am absolutely lovely, arent I? 🥰"

-"And do you wanna know my secret?

Theres no one like me in the whole, wide, universe. No one like me exists, and thats true of everyone. Its not a problem, captain pops. Its a superpower 💪 High five!"

-i absolutely laughed out loud and almost woke my father when ruby tried to calm the space babies and 15 kept scaring them.

"Theres no such things as the bogeman. That thing, was more-- sort of like, a, uhhh," "BOGEYMAN!"

-"That should recalibrate the whole shebang"

-abortion allegory got like super spelled out at one point and that was a bit awkward but I have no strong opinion on it, because the point they make still stands.

"Hang on. So, the planet down below will refuse to stop the babies being born, but once theyre born, they dont look after them??"

-the way jocelyn said 'because its terrifying" after 15 said "and WhY was I so scared?"

Also: "Yeah but Ive met a million ugly bugs, *I´m* and ugly bug, ThAt THIng, made me run, I just wonder why" youre not an ugly bug gorgeous

-"babies with a flame thrower?!" Was possibly the stupidest thing Ive ever seen and Im so happy cause that is exactly how doctor who works. Babies with flame throwers. Who even thought of that.

Also reminded me of the fact daleks had flame throwers at one point

-"The teaching software, it told a story!" "it invented the bogeyman!" "For the babies 🥺" "For the space babies 🥺" (i love them)

-snot monster

-it did confuse me how familiar they seem already. And that he basically gave her a tardis key before she even really agreed to travel with him. I LOVE them dont get me wrong but that felt too quick

-seeing mum at christmas <3

-"tell your mum not to slap me" someone has never recovered from jackie and sylvia

-ohhh dna scan

-probably something I forgot but:

Episode was fun. Too exposition heavy at times and structured differently from 'normal' who. But fun. And also super silly. And we LOVE super silly.

Space Babies. Space babies with flame throwers.

[hampterguts]

sorry to be a hater but im socially obliged to watch all of twin peaks and um. when does it become watcheable.

thought-swarm rant below

i kept being told that theres a moment everything lines up and it all makes sense and the ppl who are going out of their way to let me watch it arent bigoted but the show is. the show is. not even in a conversational way its just unironic straight faced bigotry and the constant graphic depiction of sexual assault to women and teenage girls and the way the majority of adult characters the viewer is Definitely supposed to like are/were/arent upposed to having sex with high schoolers. not only are half the cast 18 theyre still supposed to be in high school.

like how am i supposed to like this show. the only main character thats a woman of color is the most unironic orientalist caricature. shes pure she's evil, shes loving but shes cold and has no feelings, shes innocent shes guilty, shes strong shes helpless, shes a manipulator shes being manipulated, shes the sole owner of a log company shes blackmailed into being a maid, shes a sexual abuse survivor, she loves america and hates her home country, her entire character story revolves around people who "own" her. she gets talked about like shes an item or a pet. she needs white cop man to save her from white people. one of white ppl whom literally spent an ENTIRE season "in disguise" as a vague east asian man. my ears still hurt from the racist accent. also the woman's dead husband who isnt dead bc she warned him hates her btw. the show acts like hes reasonable to. in fact another Good White Boy cop is seen as reasonable for not trusting her and holding her at gunpoint after she shoots ONE of her abusers. and again all of these things are shown BARE HANDEDLY AS IN WE ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT ALL AT FACE VALUE- ok well i still have like 8 episodes left but im not getting utena levels of "isnt this so fucked up to expect from a human being?" im getting "isnt she a fucked up little thing?"

she has short hair too btw. do you understand my devastation. my dyke ass was SO excited to see a Cool Calm short haired business suit wearing woman in charge of a lumber factory all by herself. like "wow this isnt egregiously racist i cant wait to see-" only a few episodes later and its the worst ive seen. i cant stomach this at all.

im going to have an aneurysm. i swear if i have to experience any more of this all of my blood vessels are going to burst and im going to dissipate on the floor. i have at least 8 episodes left. the mystery isnt even interesting to me bc all that keeps happening is racism, ableism, pedophilia, sexual assault, and romantic issues. its all so character-relationship driven and it expects you to be invested in and also LIKE these characters. i cant! i thought the director was famous why does this suck so extremely bad!!!!! when does the reveal happen and when it DOES happen i have a bad feeling it wont be worth the mental emotional pain ive been through. like im sorry famous director i think you'll have to scramble a LOT to make this one mentally ill internet faggot consider watching your other work at all. you cant handle mental illness you cant handle physical disability you cant handle race you cant handle women you cant handle mystery what CAN you write.

like its not even artsy with it. one artsy scene does not count. it also had a teenage girl kissing an unknown-aged adult man who we ARE SUPPOSED TO LIKE!!!! he's consistently "our little sweetheart protag hes so sweet and kind and trying to Do Good!!!!" fuck him to hell. his biggest reason to Not Date an 18 yr old whos still in school was bc hes "still in love with a dead woman". why the fuck is this show popular. what was the norm for the time this came out bc it sounds PRETTY BAD IF THIS IS CONSIDERED GOOD.

[hwangsies]

GALVANISING GREEN

(definition: galvanising (adj): to be affected by something as if by electricity)

pairing: slytherin!hyunjin x slytherin!reader

summary: hyunjin convinces you to break into professor longbottoms greenhouse with him at night, however he didn’t expect you to snoop around and get intoxicated by a plant that doubles as a strong aphrodisiac.

warnings: light angst, bad attempt at lining this up with the generation of harry and co’s children lol, somewhat involuntairy intoxication?, hyunjin is cocky, long flashback again(shocker!) smut as in: implied oral (f receiving), fingering 

6.2 k words,

enjoy <3

---

(read part 2 here)

---

"Psst" you furrow your brows as you concentrate harder on the essay you’re writing for your herbology class.

"Pssst" you hear from your right again as you shake your head.

"Pssssst"

"what??" You snap your head to the right to meet victoires green-turqoise eyes before she flicks a piece of paper at you.

'Open' she mouths to you before giggling inaudibly.

You roll your eyes at what your gryffindor best friend might've just wasted 1 good minute of your time on.

Normally you arent this persistent on getting things done instantly, but you know herbology isn’t something you’re talented at.

If there was a word to describe the opposite of a green thumb, you would use it to describe your talents in herbology.

Every plant you try to be nice to (ranging from harmless to deadly), has either died, attacked you or did nothing good for your grade.

So, already slightly pissed off, you open the neatly folded piece of paper.

Her handwriting is awful, and because she hexed it, the font dances around so it takes you a second to decypher what she had written.

Hwang keeps looking at you like you're his next meal, babe!

Once you read it, a scribbled version of the heart eye emoji appears below the words, slowly opening its mouth to have little drops of animated drool rolling down the paper.

You feel the blood rushing up your neck as you look up, across the long table you were sitting at and to the one next to it, where yours and hyunjins eyes meet.

His lower lip is trapped by his teeth, when he realises you are looking back at him, he releases the rosy flesh and chases it with his tongue before trying , yet failing, to hold back a grin.

You look at victoire next to you.

She grinns widely and whispers, almost completely inaudibly "attagirl"

At which you hastily shake your head and stick your tounge out at her before quickly gathering your things and leaving the big hall with victoires quiet snickering still in earshot.

If she only knew, you think to yourself as you rush down the hallway , pressing your books tighter to your chest.

~flashback to three days ago~

You groaned and let your forhead fall onto your herbology book.

'I hate this' you muttered to yourself in a , what you felt like, never ending loop.

"I feel that" you got startled and whipped your head up as a yelp slipped past your lips.

Hyunjin grinned at you before draping a cloak over the chair and taking a seat across from you at a small table in the slytherin common room; his own books in his hand.

You chuckled embarrasedly as you ran your hand through your hair, trying to make you look somewhat presentable for the handsome boy.

"Dont worry, i dont judge you" he smiled and plopped his books on the table as well "stuck on herbology too, huh?" He peeked over.

"Yea, professor longbottom is going to behead me" you joked "i dont get it, how am i supposed to write an essay about my experiences with magical plants when all i ever get them to do is...die, or nothing at all" you shook your head in defeat.

He giggled cutely as he gathered his chin-length blonde hair in a low pony.

You couldn’t help but stare at him, the way the yellowish lights of the doungeons illuminated his features was too perfect.

The feline eyes ,the blunt nose and his thick lips. In combination with his sharp jawline and dark eyebrows, it was easy to be intimmidated by his looks.

You kind of had a thing for him for a while now, but then again so had almost every girl in your year. Him and his best friend james were by far the most good looking guys in your year.

The difference between hyunjin and his best fried however was that his friend knew he looked good and liked it to be known and acknowledged.

Hyunjin was open-minded and sweet, aslo a little shy from time to time, but he also had his cocky moments, especially with girls.

So they weren’t that different, both being players and heartbreakers to a certain extent.

They were popular due to their success in each of their quidditch teams, hyunjin being the seeker for slytherin and james for gryffindor, following in the footsteps of his famous father.

They started out as rivals but became inseperable over time, successfully breaking the stereotype that gryffindors and slytherins couldnt be friends.

Nowadays the only things they’d get competitive about was quidditch and girls.

Even though hyunjin and you were in the same house and year, you didnt have that much to do with each other.

Due to him being more popular and, well, more talented in everything he did; but also because your friendgroups rarely overlapped.

There was this one time in the 5th year where you two were close to becoming friends.

He had asked you for help with his little cousin who had started dating someone you used to be friends with, around that time you noticed that you liked him for the first time.

In the end, his cousin broke up with said boy and you somehow lost sight of each other again.

And so the crush on him kind of faded into the background, it wasnt something you were always thinking about, but you knew it was there when you spoke to him or when he was too close.

But the stories that you heard from other girls kept you from imagining more with him.

"I dont even know what the last plant was that he showed us in class, i always feel like sleeping" he said laughingly, before opening his book and opening his pot of ink as well.

You chuckled softly in response.

You watched him for a few seconds, reading his book, scratching the back of his head and furrowing his brows while his lips pushed fowards in a pout so cute, you would be insane if you didnt want to kiss it away.

After what felt like an eternity, you looked at the clock to see it was already past 11.

Since it was a friday and you didnt have class the next day, you didn't jump into bed immediately.

"This is bullshit" hyunjin muttered and looked up "what the hell do i know about what this plant looks like, i dont even know how to pronounce the name" he groaned, slightly frustrated.

He pointed to the name written in his book and showed it to you “look”

"Oh, i think i've seen this name on a pot in professor longbottoms greenhouse" you recalled.

"Yea?" You nodded at him.

"Okay" he closed his books and stood up "lets go"

"Huh?" You looked up at him confusedly.

"Lets pay the greenhouse a little visit" he grinned.

"Have you gone mad? No way, do you know in how much trouble we could get into?" You asked rethorically.

"Chill, james lent me this" he held up a dark brown cloak.

"What is that?" You asked, just as unbelieving as before.

"His dads invisibility cloak" he answered quickly "come on, we'll stay there 10 minutes tops, i just want to see what that plant looks like"

"Okay, well have fun doing that, alone" you retorted.

"Noo, y/n i need you to show me to the plant, you know where it is" he pouted.

"Please" he was definetly using his charms, which is why you felt so stupid when you sighed an ‘okay’ after he begged a few more times.

You closed your books and got up as well, hyunjin quickly draping the cloak over the both of you.

"You go in the front, you're smaller" he commented.

"Allright" you muttered and moved in front of him.

"We have to be quiet when we go outside, or the fat lady is gonna snitch on us" you felt his breath over your ear.

"okay" you said shortly, getting nervous over the fact that he was this close behind you.

Once out of the commonroom you walked up the stairs managing to do so without tripping over each other and blowing your cover.

Once you arrived on the ground floor, you headed for the back door, which brought you to the garden and the greenhouses.

The moment you reached out your hand for the door handle, it got pushed open slowly.

Hyunjin pulled you back instantly and pressed himself with his back against the stone wall as he gripped your waist with one hand and held the other over your mouth because somehow he sensed how close you were to yelp out.

What he didn't know was how he made the situation worse for you because your back was pressed against his firmly built chest and your lower back against a certain bulge.

"shh" he breathed against your ear, so quietly you almost didn't hear it.

Mr filch groaned as he stumbled inside and fumbled at the doors lock, the door itself still wide open.

You felt hyunjin push against your waist slightly from behind to get you moving, so you complied.

Quickly rushing outside, you got startled at the loud bang of the heavy door falling close behind you two.

He removed his surprisingly soft hands away from your face, his body however didn't move an inch.

You slightly turned around to him in disbelief.

"now what?" you started freaking out, because how were you going to get back inside?

"what?" he asked back.

"how in the hell are we going to get inside again smartass? He locked the door" you gestured with your hand.

"alohomora?" he answered cockily, at which you flicked his forehead.

"you've been here for 7 years and don't know that that doesn't work on the main doors?" you asked infuriated.

"okay, chill. I know some other ways" he said calmly, still rubbing his forehead.

"what do you mean chill?? What other way-" he cut you off.

"just trust me alright?" you couldn't see him well but his eyes still sparkled in the dark.

So you just sighed.

"come on" he carefully pushed you forwards by your waist; you were pretty sure he would remove them after a few seconds but they stayed there until you entered the greenhouse.

He quickly discarded the cloak and threw it onto the big wooden table in the middle of the spacious house, next to a big book on 'advanced herbology'.

"lumos" you said, making the tip of your wand light up; hyunjin mimicing the same thing.

"now, where did you see this plant?" he asked you.

"uh, I think it was over there in the corner" you pointed to the other side of the house.

"okay" he mumbled and made his way over there.

You looked around yourself and looked at some of the plants, when you heard a thump of some sort.

You whipped your head around to look for hyunjin, you spotted him rubbing his forehead.

"nothing happened" he raised his hands playfully.

You sighed in relief "hurry up, and try not to kill yourself"

"why?" you could hear his grin "cause you'd miss me?" he snickered.

"no, because I’d wanna do that myself if we get caught" you retorted, at which he chuckled.

"ah, got it" he said, holding his wand closer to the plant in the far right corner of the house to get a good look at it.

Turning around, a shimmering dark green flower caught your eye, it shined as if it was reflecting the light from your wand.

You took a few steps towards the window sill, the mysterious flower was standing on, in an equally green pot, on which in a deeper green the words 'galvanising green' were engraved on.

It was sparkling, yet there was a glass dome over the flower; which was weird because no other plant had anything of that sort placed over them.

You thought it was so pretty: the way it sparkled, some sparkles leaning more into a teal color, others more in a deep grass green.The stigma, which was protruding out of the petals was pulsating in a dark ocean green, it was as if it hypnotized you. inviting you to free it and take a closer look.

Slowly you lifted up the dome.

"okay lets go" you heard hyunjin speak somewhere in the distance, but it was uninteresting because the flower was drawing you in and nothing else mattered.

"y/n what are you doing" he seemingly came closer, making his way through all the pots and plants standing around.

After placing the small dome on the window sill, next to said flower; you got closer to it with your face.

"y/n!" hyunjin sounded stern "you don't know what that is, stop it"

Still, you took a whiff of the sprakling plant and it felt like a punch against your chest as it flooded through your lungs, throwing you back instantly.

You gasped for breath as you stumbled backwards, right into hyunjins embrace as he leaped fowards to catch you from falling.

"shit" he slowly sat you down on the ground and got in front of you "fuck y/n" he patted your cheek lightly when you coughed.

He looked up at the plant and quickly got up, placing the small glass dome over it again, holding his cloak covered hand over his nose and mouth.

"galvanising green?" he muttered, reading the inscription on the pot before looking back at you sitting on the ground and holding your chest.

Crouching down to you, he held a hand onto your forehead "are you okay?"

You cleared your throat a few times "uh-mh- yea I think so"

He nodded, carefully holding up his wand to look at your face a little better; your cheeks were a little rosy but other than that you looked normal.

"normally we should go to professor longbottom if something like this happens, but he would kill us right now" he chuckled worrily before his gaze fell onto the big book on the table in the middle of the house.

"I'll just check out the plant to be sure okay?" he said, you nodded, smiling embarrassedly.

He got up and quickly got his hands on the thick 'advanced herbology' book, opening the heavy sides and turning the pages.

"I don't even know why I did that" you spoke softly.

"its okay" he said genuinely.

"no, I'm serious, it was as if it controlled me or something" you kept going.

"hmm" he hummed, clearly to busy looking for said plant in the huge book and not listening.

"phhuuuh" you breathed out after a minute of silence and started fanning yourself.

"is it getting hot in here?" you inquired.

"green...green" you heard hyunjin mutter "there it is!" he said.

Tracing his finger under the lines he was reading, his eyes widened.

"fuck" he mumbled to himself and looked over to you, you were plucking at your shirt to get more air onto your body.

"hyunjin" you gasped "im so hot" your breathing getting shallower.

"okay, uhm okay fuck" he repeated himself and reread the little part of the page again and again.

The Galvanising Green plant is a type of flower, first analyzed in 1987, this plant is very rare in Europe.

Its effect on humans is easy to depict. For women it is a strong aphrodisiac where as for men just a small amount of the pollen can lead to severe headaches and diarrhea.

Part of him was glad that he didn't have to go through headaches and diarrhea, but a different part of him would've preferred it; because now he had to handle an extremely horny version of you?

As if the normal you wasn't enough to make him feel some type of way.

He read a little further than that before coming to your help again.

"jinnie" you mewled as you started to take off your slytherin coat.

"stop" he held it up your shoulder "listen" he placed one hand on your cheek as he brought his wand up to your face.

Your pupils were blown and your cheeks were now completely flushed.That, and your continuous ragged heavy breathing told him that you definitely inhaled more than enough pollen to trigger this response from your body.

"what?" you breathed.

"it's a really strong aphrodisiac, that's why you're feeling like this" he tired to stay calm.

"huh?" your eyes widened "oh shit" you let your head fall back.

"how do I make it go away?" you asked breathlessly, grabbing onto his bicep.

"the book says you have to work it out of your system otherwise your body will go into a shock state because of all the pollen and hormones it produces" he tried explaining to you.

"huh?" you sounded again.

"come here, get up. We'll go inside first" you complied.

"what do you mean 'work it out of my system'??" you asked him as you left the greenhouse on shaky legs, hyunjin wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you from falling.

"well" he blushed as he looked down at the invisibility cloak, he had grabbed in the last second, draped over his arm "are you seeing someone at the moment?"

"uh-n-no?" one of your feet gave out for a millisecond but hyunjin caught you before halting you in your steps.

"was that a question or an answer?" he locked eyes with you as he draped the cloak over the both of you.

"a-mh- answer" you stuttered.

"okay uhm" he kept his eyes trained on the secret path back into the castle, james had told him about.

"I'll bring you to your chambers and you'll have to do it alone then" he mumbled.

"alone? What? Do what?" you breathed heavily, suddenly you felt a rush of warmth in your nether regions at which you whimpered.

"you have to..." he cleared his throat "well... work it out of your system" his eyes widened and his head snapped towards you when you moaned.

"y/n? you okay?" you had buried your face in his shoulder.

"shit" he mumbled "here we go" he pointed to a wooden door "just a minute and we'll be inside okay?"

"hmm" you whined.

You walked through said door into a tunnel you'd never seen before; normally you would've scolded him as to why he knew these kind of things but you had other problems right now.

Not a minute later hyunjin tapped onto the wall, which indicated the end of the tunnel, with his wand in a weird pattern.

But somehow it worked and another door appeared, leading the two of you into a small broom closet.

"you have to be quiet now" he whispered, you nodded your head as good as you could and bit your lower lip.

Leaving the broom closet, you stepped into the hallway of the seventh floor of Hogwarts.

"hyunjin, you cant just leave me alone" you whispered desperately when the same tingling warmth returned.

The pollen of the plant overtaking your brain so much that you didnt even care as to how that weird door brought you into a broomcloset that connected to hogwarts again.

"shh" he shushed you before speaking as well "y/n I don't know how else to help you"

That was a lie, of course he knew what he could do.

But that would be unethical; he didn't want to take advantage of you like that.

"you have to help me" you clawed at his coat "please" you whimpered and it went straight into his pants, which he felt guilty about.

Suddenly a door appeared a few meters in front of you, just a second after he'd spotted it, he heard footsteps from behind.

"shit shit, fucking shit" he ushered you to walk faster before quickly opening the door and rushing inside.

When he looked at the door from the inside, it disappeared; leaving only the brick wall.You had already ripped the invisibility cloak off the both of you.

Looking around this mysterious room, he spotted a luxurious king sized bed with nightstands on each side and dimmed lights; that's when he knew where you two were.

"no fucking way" he mumbled, having never before seen the room of requirement.

"hyunjin" his thoughts got interrupted by you dragging him at his coat and stopping right with your back to the bed.

"please help me" you looked up at him with big teary eyes, he could hear your heartbeat, that's how affected you were by the plant.

You discarded your coat, before pushing his down his shoulders as well.

"y/n no" he said, but his coat already laid on the ground.

He caught your wrists when you reached for his belt "y/n you cant think straight, you don't really want this"

"yes I do" you stomped your foot on the ground "I really do" you said quieter as you came closer.

"please jinnie" you freed your wrists from his grip and peeled off your plain black tshirt you always wore under the coat “this is your fault to begin with!”

His eyes stuck to your lacy black bra as you undid the button of your jeans and pushed them down your legs.

He felt his cock stir in his pants when your matching cotton panties were revealed and you stepped out of your jeans, kicking them to the side.

You took advantage of his slow reflexes and looped your arms around his neck "please" you whispered before attaching your lips to the skin under his jaw.

He swallowed hard "fuck y/n" his hands grabbed your waist, making you push yourself against him more flush.

"okay okay" he sighed in defeat, you looked up at him "I'll help you, but we're not going to have sex!"

"hyunj-" you started again.

"y/n I'm serious I don't want to take advantage of you" you swallowed and nodded, eyes big.

"okay" he ducked down a little and plucked you up from the ground by the backs of your thighs.

You squealed in excitement.

"Kiss me" you pleaded after he laid you on your back and slotted himself in between your legs.

His lips were slightly parted as he looked down at you, eyes scanning over your features.

"Okay" he whispered before pressing his lips to your.You instantly moaned into his mouth when his togue pressed against yours.

The next thing you did would've never happened if that plant hadn’t make you hornier than 10000 bunnies.

You took one of his hands and brought it down to cup over your core, mumbling a whiny 'please'.

Hyunjin hissed through his teeth when he felt how soaked your panties were.

He palmed your throbbing cunt roughly, shooting a spark of pleasure up your spine aa he encouraged you to rutt your hips against his hand.

"Oh my- hyunjin" you yelped out after he had discarded your panties and slipped a finger into you.

“okay?” he asked when feeling how tight you were, at which you nodded agressively.It was almost embarrassing how excessively aroused you were ; hyunjin however didnt have alot on his mind in that moment.

All he could focus on was how pretty your flushed cheeks were and how lost you were in the pleasure he was providing you.

His thumb found your aching clit and drew circles over it while pumping his middle finger into you.

"thats it baby, you like that?" He asked a little hesistantly, not sure how you felt about dirty talk, but seeing your chest arch up and hearing your whimpers only spurred him on.

"Hmmmh" you whined "fuck-oh" he looked down at you in awe when your pretty lips shaped into an o form.

"Fuck i'd love to taste you right now, so desperate hm?" He hummed into your ear, it sending straight into your core.

Your back arched off the bed and you clawed at his soft black shirt when his lips found your neck.

"Yes-yes fuck hyunjin-" you cried out when he started sucking at a particular sensitive spot, coming apart shortly after with yelps of his name, clenching around his finger furiously.

"Better?" He asked after a minute, looking down at you, you chest was heaving and a light sheen of sweat covered your body.

"A little" you said quietly.

"Need more?" He asked like the gentleman he was, gently letting his finger slide out of you.

You nodded poutingly as you ran your nails through his hair at the back of his head.

"What you said about tasting me..." you looked up at him shyly "w-would you?"

His eyes widened, would he?

He wanted to, really badly.

So, he heard himself stutter a "yeah" as you unclasped your bra.

The low moan that slipped past your lips when he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth made his cock stir in his boxers.

"you're so sexy" he mumbled against your stomach before suckling at the skin just over your belly button.

"take off your shirt" you pleaded, to which he grinningly complied

You moaned when you felt a new heatwave wash over you at the shight fo his toned torso; gasping when the blonde haired boy reinserted his finger into you.

"arh yes fuck" you groaned, grasping his hair when he started leaving wet kisses on the junction of your legs.

Feeling your arousal being at a height as if you didn't just get off again, you whimpered, realising he was teasing you as he switched between thighs.

"please don't tease jinnie" you pouted, he grinned at the nickname, he loved it but would never admit it.

"mmh- what do you want me to do?" he grinned up at you, his fingers moving too slow inside of you for your liking.

"use your mouth" you begged "please" he almost felt guilty for how much he liked hearing you beg for him.

"how could I say no to that pretty pout" he teasingly nipped at your thigh making you squeal.

-end of flashback-

Just as you speak the password to the fat lady and the door opens, you hear running behind you and a voice "hey! l/n"

Of course you recognize the voice, so you sigh and turn around "hwang" you say, plastering a fake smile on your face.

"you've been avoiding me" he grins as he catches up and steps into the slytherin dungeons at the same time.

"hmm have i?" you mumble, not looking at him directly.

"yea, even though you so clearly couldn't get enough of me two nights ago" he bites his lip and raises his brows cockily when you stop and look up at him.

"listen, I was drugged by a fucking plant okay?" you argue "and you even promised me to never bring it up again, so what the fuck do you want?" you ask.

"never bring it up with anyone else babe, I thought we could talk about how much fun we had together?" he reaches for your waist, at which you slap his hand.

"would you not?" you whisper "there are people here" he just chuckles at the way you blushed slightly.

"okay, I'll make it easy for you hwang, what do you want?" you stem you free hand on your hip sassily.

He breathes in as his eyes wander over your face before his lips curl into a smile and he reaches for you hand "come with me?"

You huff but don’t fight his hand enclosing yours "where?"

"somewhere we can talk in private" he states calmly.

So you follow him out once more, you should've known where this was going but only really realise it when he pulls you in a broom closet.

Books still pressed against your chest with one arm, you hiss "what the fuck? I thought you wanted to talk"

"chill miss goody shoes" he giggles before his eyes fall onto your books "gimme those" he mumbles, taking them from you and plopping them on the ground behind him.

"hyunjin!" you exclaim, mad that your books were getting dust all over them.

He just snickers before coming closer.

You involuntarily press your back against the wall because he’s closing in on your personal space.

"what do you want?" you ask him for the nth time, a little quieter this time.His hands find your hips as he wedges a strong thigh in between your legs.

"I missed you" he says quietly, the lighting in there is bad but you can see that his eyes are fixed on your lips.

"huh?" your breath was shaky.

He grins before leaning in slowly, giving you the opportunity to stop him, and when you don't, he presses his lips against yours.

You kiss him back without thinking, your hands finding their home in his long hair when he gently rolls his tongue against yours.

The grunt that comes from him shoots straight into your pants, you feel how he presses his body into yours; the thigh between your legs getting pressed into your sensitive core.

Moaning against his lips at the new friction; he pulls at your bottom lip with his teeth before moving down your jaw with his lips.

You let out a shaky breath when he reached that one spot on your neck, directly under your jaw.He smiles against your skin before sucking on the soft spot at which another moan leaves your lips.Growing desperate, you start rocking your core against his thigh more obviously.

Hyunjin releases the soft skin from in between his lips, grabbing your jaw with one hand as he looks down at you ministrations.

"need something, pretty girl?" he grins, the nickname has you keening; the friction provided by his thigh being nice but nowhere near enough to get you off.

"please" you just mumble before he kisses your lips again.

Together, you undo the buttons of your cloak before he unzips your jeans and slips his hand into your panties.

-

"w-wait, hold up girl, you're telling me you haven't had sex yet?" victoires gaze bores holes into the side of your face as she sits down across from you on your bed.

There was no way you couldn't have told her about this whole situation you had gotten yourself in.

"no!" you snap your head towards your best friend "we just did a lot of other stuff" you cross your legs to sit more comfortably.

"but I don't plan on sleeping with him anyway" you shrug your shoulders.

"why?" your best friend grins "I thought you were sick of being a nerd and a virgin"

"bitch" you tsked and smacked her calve that was closest to you "you're a nerd as well"

"yea" she snickers "but im not a virgin because I don't feel the need to only do it with someone I'm in love with"

"hmpf" you let yourself fall back onto your back "whats so bad about that though?" you ask more quietly.

"nothing" she lays down next to you "I'm just kidding...but does he know?" you shake your head.

"no, I feel like he'd just call me a prude or miss goody shoes if I told him" you mumble.

"well then he's definitely not the right one to do it with" victoire comments, you just nod.

-

The next morning you’re sitting in the big hall, chatting with victoire as usual, as breakfast was being served.

Suddenly you felt a woosh of air on your right as someone sat down in a hurry.

"hey l/n" you glace to your right to see hyunjin "hey weasley" he nods at victoire opposite from you and him.

When you look over at you best friend you see that james had sat himself next to her, grinning just as big as the blonde boy next to you.

"uh hi?" victoire speaks for the both of you.

"listen up, we graduate in a few weeks and graduation ball is soon as well..." hyunjin starts, still grinning from ear to ear.

You frown, victoire mimicing your expression, both of your gazed flickering between the two boys.

"..so??" she gestures with her toast in hand.

"so...how bout it?" james continues "let’s go to the ball together" he turns to victore before gesturing to you and hyunjin "and those two"

You giggle when seeing victoires face scrunch up in disgust before she flicks james forehead.

"eww potter, I'm not going to the ball with you, that'd almost be like incest. Plus I'm trying to get laid afterwards" you laugh at james shocked expression to your best friends words.

"what do you mean incest babe? Just because we've known each other for so long doesn't mean..." he keeps on rambling to your best friend as she stands up and turns to you.

"excuse me" she exhales annoedly, you chuckle and nod before she walks away, james at her heels, still talking.

"so what about us?" you flinch a little, almost having forgot about hyunjin next to you.

"uhh, I don't know" you say, looking down at your plate.

"why not?" he nides your arm with his elbow "we like each other" he scooches closer "we have fun together" lifting his hand and softly tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as he speaks.

You move away from him "yea about that, I think we should stop" you quickly say before getting up to make your way out of the hall as well.

"hey" he catches up with you quickly "why? did I do something wrong?" you roll your eyes as you keep walking.

"I didn't tell anyone about us! I swear! A- and I think y-you know, you're hot, I'm hot; I think we'd look really good toge-"

"can’t you accept a no?" you suddenly stop in your tracks, frowning annoyedly as you tell him off.

"woah- hey I just wanna know why you hate me all over sudden" he looks hurt.

"I don't hate you hyunjin" you sighed "but I also don't like you; you play with girls like they're dolls and when you had your fun you throw them away and I don't want to be thrown away, no matter by who" you breathe in.

"okay okay" he holds up his hands in defense "first of all, everything I had with 'all of these girls' you are talking about" he quotes you, gesturing air quotation marks "was two- sided! They knew what they were getting into, I never lead a single one of them on"

"mhm I'm sure that's why they like you so much now" you speak sarcastically while crossing your arms infront of your chest.

"you're making it seem like I slept with the whole school y/n!... I didn't! just to be clear..." you roll your eyes again.

"Its not my fault when-"

"when what?" you feel yourself get angry "when they fall in love with you?? because you're sooo irresistible??"

"is it so hard for you to believe that I'm not that interested in you? Is your ego that big?" you caught yourself before you got too loud, staring into each others eyes for a few seconds.

When he doesn't react to your statement you turn on your heels, ready to walk away again.

"I kinda hoped you were actually" you stop, turning around to him again when he continues "because I actually like you"

"so that's what you call not leading someone on, yea?" you ask rhetorically.

"I'm not leading you on y/n I'm serious" he walks up to you again.

"you're only interested in me because you haven't actually fucked me yet, hyunjin" you deadpan and walk away for good this time.

-

"girl" victoire exclaims as she walks into your chambers, you look up from the homework you’re doing on your bed a few days later.

“how do you always get in here?” you ask, reffering to the fat lady being very strict with non-house members in the chambers.

“the fat lady loves me!” she shrugs her shoulders, plopping down on your bed.

"alright, what is it?" you look back down to finish writing your sentence.

"I just saw hwang in the hallway, he looked beat" she huffs "and with beat I mean way way  worse than the last few days" she eyes you scribbling something onto your paper.

"hm" you respond.

"what did you do to him?" she asks.

"what do you mean? I protected myself from being just another girl on his list" you continue writing.

"are you sure?" victoire persists "I mean whenever you sat next to each other in class, even after the plant incident...he seemed genuinely happy with you next to him"

"well, sucks for him I guess" you mumble, not looking up, instead turning some pages in your book.

You did feel sorry in hindsight, you shouldn't have talked to him like that. He had always shown you respect and you didn't reciprocate it.

It is just really hard to believe that he'd actually be interested in you, since he was well...kinda perfect at everything and you were just very mediocre at everything.

He is so good looking, and even though he calls you hot and pretty you yourself don't really believe it.

Like,... what do you have that he can’t find in a prettier girl?- "y/n?" victoire speaks up.

"huh??" your head snaps up at her.

"I said... are you sure that you didn't just push him away because you're scared of the fact that you may like him back?" 

-

(a/n: i was inspired by this jungkook fic i read on here like a year ago but i couldn’t find it for the life of me, all i remember is that it was called ‘golden hour’ so if anyone knows what im talking about please tell me so that i can give proper credit! thank u!...also i know the fat lady originally guards the gryffindor common room but i couldnt think of anything else loolll...)

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Sailor.”

Decided to take a break from the main story-line. I want to go back to working with krill for a while, allowing him to experience different kinds of people and situations, so if you have any ideas, I am open, though weather or not I will get to them is another matter entirely. 

Te chopper blades whirled overhead so deafeningly loud that Krill couldn’t hear himself think. Leave it up to the humans to create a piece of technology that got them into the air by attaching a giant fan to the top of it, or giant spinning blades of death. It actually offended him that they didn’t use some kind of hover-craft, which he was sure they had. However, Commander Vir had said that the Navy didn’t have a whole lot of “funding” anymore so their technology tended to be older than dirt.

Krill didn’t think anything would be older than dirt, but stopped short of correcting the human when he realized it was probably just some sort of saying. But now, here he was trapped inside this loud, metal container, feeling the wind buffet them back and forth as Commander Vir adjusted the pedals.

Krill had no idea that the Commander could even fly a helicopter, be here it was. 

The guy could probably fly a cardboard box if it had a big enough engine.

Beside him sat the Navy pilot surprisingly eager to learn from the more experienced man, and the two kept a light string of conversation over the headsets. The second guy was on lend from the Naval office as an assistant of sorts. The commander seemed confused, but apparently it was common for higher ranking officers to have subordinates to lick their boots and hand them things.

Commander vir hadn’t gotten that memo.

The original pilot pointed out the front and the helicopter tilted just slightly.

Krill lifted up a bit to look out the front window, but was mostly blinded by sunlight as it reflected off water.

Commander Vir flew the helicopter in low aiming for the helicopter pad on the back end of the ship.

He managed to maintain a hover just above  the circle surprised when, “It’s moving!”

“Yes sir, we are on water.”

“Its not supposed to be moving.” he said to himself trying to determine the best way to let down.

“Just get her in close commander than drop her when she comes back up.” The pilot instructed, pleased that they could teach something to a superior officer, though the way the man talked it was hard to remember all those fancy ribbons on his dress grey.

He was a pretty good listener too, and didn’t back down from a fight, lowering himself towards the deck and then timing it just so it placed when the ship swung back up.

It was a minute movement, but still could have thrown anyone off.

As soon as they touched down and the commander cut the engines, Krill could feel the light rocking.

He, and the others stepped out onto deck. 

Krill stopped in his tracks eyes staring out at a scene he had only seen through the small windows of the ship. A vast and unending horizon of water on all sides. Tiny white capped waves rolled up and down as the massive steel ship bobbed below him. He turned in a wide circle, staring off at the vast horizons and stretches of water so wide.

They were the only ones here, nothing else in sight.

He grew a bit dizzy.

“Good morning Commander.”

Krill turned to watch as the ships XO (executive officer walked forward to greet the man with a firm handshake. He was surprised at the youth of the commander, he was older than a good portion of his men, but younger than a lot fo them too. The Captain was in his early forties, this man almost young enough to  be his son.

“A pleasure captain.” At his back the Lieutenant stood stiffly waiting to be used for some reason or another.

“I heard you were coming, to what do we owe the pleasure.”

Commander Vir glanced out at the sloshing waves with some unease, “I wanted to come down to observe the operation of your ship, Captain. I am afraid to say that current UNSC protocols are still being made, and I thought Navy and UNSC vessels are similar enough I might due to take some lessons from the way things are run.”

The man smiled, “Well, sir generally the brass doesn’t sail. In the Navy you would have a cushy job somewhere on land behind a desk.”

“String me up when that day comes.”

“You and I feel the same way then. The sea is my life, Been sailing since I was a kid, and I couldn’t imagine what I’d do without her.

Commander Vir nodded, “its flying for me.”

Krill glanced around the ship, watching as men and women worked on objects that he did not know, wearing uniforms he did not recognize. They were led down onto the deck, and Commander Vir stumbled a few times, unsteady on the moving platform.

The captain grinned, easily riding the gentle rocking motion as if they weren’t moving, “Someone has yet to get their sea legs.”

Commander Vir gripped the railing, “Fun fact. I’ve never actually been on a boat, at least not larger than a canoe.

Behind him, Krill simply tried floating to avoid having to move, but found the boat deck moving below him, and a gentle sea breeze pushing him back. In panic he set down on the deck again.

“Seems strange, someone who pilots a ship,”

“No such thing as space legs.” The commander commented gingerly letting go of the railing. We have gravity mats that make it just like earth, and there is no wind or water to make us move. Steadier than riding in a car, and once the acceleration is done there is no way to know you are even moving.

The man shook his head, “Can’t imagine wanting to fly in space, being trapped inside a tin can that, if it malfunctions my eyeballs would be sucked out of their sockets.”

“Actually that doesn’t happen. You would freeze first, while your blood boiled off anyway.”

The man gave him a look, “You’re insane.”

“I’m insane! At least its better than drowning, or being eaten by sharks.”

The captain waved a hand, “I can’t remember the last time someone in the navy actually drowned.”

Commander vir eyed the edge of the ship nervously.

“Anyway, Commander, I am glad we could be of service, truth be told us sailors arent needed all that much anymore now that wars tend to take place in space and off world. Most of the stuff we do includes tracking down pirates and saving dumbass civilians who don’t know what a red sky at morning means.”

Commander Vir stared at hi blankly.

The man frowned, “You don’t know do you.”

“Can’t say I do.”

“Red sky at morning sailors take warning. Meaning there’s going to be bad weather?”

He shrugged, “Why not just use radar for that.”

“The man looked almost offended, “Thousands of years of accumulated knowledge, and you just want to use radar?” 

Krill watched in silence keeping notes in one of his cortical hemispheres as he listened. It was strange, by all rights these two men should have been similar in a lot of ways. When it came right down to it  a UNSC vessel and a Navy one were pretty much the same and included a lot of the same sort of things on board. Even the two men were similar in their almost rabid love of the place they worked. One and knew more about the ocean than krill thought there was no know, while the Commander had a handle on space that no other man in the history of humanity ever had.

To krill’s surprise it turned out there was some actual sill to floating on a large body of water. The man talked about the currents, and the weather patterns, and the way the ship liked to ride them. 

Space vs ocean, and neither man seemed to understand why the other would want to go anywhere near the other’s domain.

The Navy captain also seemed to be having a right old time watching commander vir stumble into things as he adjusted to his “sea legs.”

Krill had no idea what that meant, but he kind of doubted it was what it sounded like. The saying made hi think the human was going to spontaneously grow new legs for walking on the ship, but the more likely explanation seemed that the human body would get used to the constant moving, so the person would no longer have trouble when walking.

Krill didn’t really need sea legs, though he marveled at how the humans could seem to work so normally on a rolling surface when their balance was already unbelievable.

Around the ship, the regular Navy men were more than a bit tickled to see a member of the brass (UNSC or otherwise) wobble about like a ‘drunken’ sailor. Mostly it was funny and partially it made them feel superior to someone who would usually have that edge over them.

Eventually the Commander go the hang of it and accompanied the Captain to the bridge and around the ship to see how things worked taking occasional notes, but eventually ordering the Lt. to do it for him as, “Your fidgeting is making me nervous, so have something to do.”

Krill got stared at, a lot, but that was pretty normal for him, and, on one occasion, a call went out from one of the men on deck, and an entire group of them rushed over to one side, pointing at the water. The captain led them over just in time to watch in awe as a massive creature breached the surface of the water. Krill stepped back as the massive shape slowly tilted backwards and water erupted around it.

The captain turned to look at the commander with a smug expression, “Guess you didn't get to see that in space.”

He was a little less pleased to see the commander smirking at him, “Perhaps not…” he let it trail off there, though his grin was rather telling.

“What! You’re not telling e there are space wales.”

“I am not at liberty to discuss that, captain.”

Krill wasn’t entirely sure if their teasing was friendly or if their rivalry was something more than that.

Either way the captain did get the last laugh, as sitting inside the ship the commander didn’t touch his food head resting back against the wall, eyes closed. As a doctor, krill couldn’t help but notice the parlor that had fallen over his face. He was about to ask the commander if he was feeling ok when the captain strolled up, his turn to look smug and took a seat, “Don’t worry, a lot of people get seasick their first time. But I’m sure that’s not a problem in space.”

“Cosmic hysteria is worse.” The commander muttered.

“A bit green about the gills there. Do you want e to get you a bag.”

The commander frowned, but didn’t open his eyes.

“I thought you were a fighter pilot, shouldn’t you be immune to motion sickness.”

The human was teasing him, but commander Vir felt to sick to respond. He was very much determined to keep his lunch down, but knew that was going to be a losing battle. 

He could hear the sailors laughing as he bolted upright and sprinted to the edge of the deck mouth salivating so badly he was sure he was going to drip on his uniform.

Nothing was funnier to the crew than a member of the brass who couldn’t hold in his lunch on a ship.

Krill personally found a couple of things interesting, number one being the ardent glee that the other humans experienced upon watching the suffering of another. It seemed to be a common theme in humans, enjoying watching someone in power over you get what they deserve It seemed to make underlings feel superior in some way where they normally wouldn't. Through their ribbing was generally light-hearted and nothing worse beyond that.

Second being the human’s strange ability to become sick because of unpredictable rocking motions. He had never seen an alien with that issue, though, upon looking into it with the crew physician, he learned that humans, while having the best sense of kinesthetic awareness out of most of the species, that had to do with the placement of liquid inside the ear canal that moved with the movement of the head.

Constant movement that was in contradiction to the movement of the eyes, or caused the sloshing to become confused inside the ears could cause a reaction in the brain that simulated poisoning.

You see one of the first signs of neurotoxin is dizziness and the body responds with nausea. When movement causes the fluid in the ears to become jumbled and confused, the rain interprets this in the same way and responds with nausea.

Quite fascinating, and Krill couldn’t help feel his own sense of satisfaction knowing he couldnt get seasick.

Although he was ore than happy to get off this moving metal tube of death.

Leave it to humans to figure out a way to make metal float and then decide to spend days at a time on it.

Humans who loved large bodies of water were insane.

Though most humans were insane he supposed 

[reading-hub]

Bakugou/shy reader - Studying

Contains: smut, bl*w jobs, face f*cking

- - - - - - -

A study partner? Aizawa explained to them that last week's test was bombed significantly by almost a large portion of the class. Now guilt silence consumed class 1-A. [f/n] was nervous-no she was panicking! She wondered if she failed with the rest as well... Her worries were getting the best of her as they pilled on. Would she have to get one? If so, would she have to pick her own partner? And if not, she just hopes she's not paired up with Bakugou. It's not that she hated him. She's just never had the chance to have a full-on conversation with the explosion boy. The only closest thing she ever had a conversation was him walking past her in the hallway. Not to mention her huge crush on him----WHAT?! who said that!

As for Bakugou take on this AND the smartest guy the class, he was pissed that he had to face the consequences along with everyone else, it wasn't his fault that so many people failed this ONE test. Not that it mattered. Aizawa furthered explained that it didn't matter if you were proficient in last week's test. They would be assigned partners as well. It would only be fair if everyone is assigned one, proficient or not. Ok, now Bakugous' blood was definitely at boiling point.

Aizawa paired these study partners carefully. He didn't want anyone to get distracted by a friend they would know too well-so no Kirishima. Nor could it be anyone that they would despise too much into not studying with at all-stupid Deku...

[F/n] was relieved, but she was still worried about whom she assigned to. As for Bakugou, he just wanted a partner that won't irritate him...

Skip to Saturday, and here you were standing in front of Bakugou's dorm room. You couldn't believe it! You secretly thought that this was all turning into a dream of yours. It was all falling too well into place...

Before you could knock, the door opened immediately, making you stand frozen and eyes wide like a deer in front of headlights. Bakugou stood there, sweatpants and a black tank top that was showing all of his jacked arms that he worked hard to become a hero.

The sight was too much to handle! You could faint right now!

"Hey, idiot." You blinked in response, bringing you back to reality. "Let's just get this study over with so I can do something worth my time." He left the door open for you to come in. You fumbled as you walked in, closing the door behind you, not wanting to make him anymore annoyed than he already was.

You turned around to see Bakugou sitting on the floor, his textbook and needed materials on the floor with him, you plopped yourself on the floor to join him after. You took this time to look around his dorm room. Which was surprisingly clean and organized. Was it always like this or did he tidy up knowing you were coming over?

An hour passed, this alone time together has made you fallen more in love with Bakugou than ever before. Something about him was to be admired for, in your eyes at least. It was possible you loved him simply because he was everything you weren't.

The things he did during the last two years of him at UA was a lifetime achievement for you. You never one to get out of your comfort zone so easily, the thought of you ever hurting someone on any level of emotional or physical would haunt you till your death, and when comparing quirks: he's got it all in the bag.

Not to mention how built he was...oh no. Your dirty mind was getting the better of you now.

"Hey, I'm done with my side of the study." He spoke. And that voice of his too! How rough and dominant it sounded to you. The things he'd demand from you during a passionate night, and you happily oblige him with no question after. The thought made you bite your lip in excitement...

You notice you were taking a while to answer back. "U-uh yeah, so am I..." Ugh, he probably thinks your stupid for answering him like that.

Little did you know, as you were distracted from your thoughts, you didn't see that Bakugou was eyeing you up and down, heck, he's been eyeing you the whole study session! Damn him for being too smart to study at all!

"How come you're so nervous all the damn time?" He bluntly said to you. You looked up at him, shocked. "I, uh..." Was he asking about you? Well, better not keep him waiting.

"It's just how I am." You said clear. "B-besides, not everybody can say that their study partner is Katsuki Bakugou." You looked down in embarrassment. All Bakugou could at that moment was smirk ever so deviously. An idea popped in his head at that moment, an idea that he sure as hell knew that you wouldn't mind making happen for him.

He just needed to egg you on a little further.

Without noticing, Bakugou moved inches closer to where you were sitting. "So you think I'll become a hero?" He asked, a little too sinister. You looked at him with wide eyes, you were too innocent for your own good. "Of course, Bakugou, I think you would be a great hero." You exclaimed.

He had you right where he wanted you. "Anything more than that?"

"Wha-what do you mean..?" Confused, just what exactly was he asking from you? "Ever saw me more than just a hero," He continued "perhaps maybe, the thought of me had your all panties soaked." How did he..?

Before you could fully understand, you felt a hand caress your own. It felt like your hand was getting a deep tissue massage, and Bakugou was providing it. Did he--?

"I've seen the way you avoided me." His tone was deep but it wasn't anger, maybe lust. "I thought it was because you were another extra who was weak-willed,"

"But then I notice how you easily it was to make your cheeks turn red, especially around me." You just didn't want this to end, it was plucked straight out of a fairy tale in your eyes. "So it wasn't out of fear, huh?" You shook your head. "It was something else?" He asked after that. You nodded vigorously.

You then felt something wet and warm around your neck. You gasped in shocked, only to realize you were too deep in Bakugou's words, that he's been getting closer and closer to you, to the point where he's licking and sucking your neck as we speak.

Meanwhile, you couldn't believe this was happening! It had to be a dream? Right??

His mouth hovered over your neck, leaving behind a little hickey he planted on you. "You want this, don't you?" He prodded. "Y-yes! Yes, I do, Bakugou!" You said, already in need of him.

He kissed you, roughly. His hands gripping the back of your hair from all the intensity that's happening right now in this room! Your hands also wandering around his shoulders and finally his chest. Lips still colliding with one another, Bakugou must have known you weren't exactly the most experienced, so tongue was out of the question, for now.

You both stopped, trying to breathe in any oxygen that escaped from both of you during that kiss. His body was on top of you, you underneath him like prey, and he was ready to eat you up...

Without any reaction, your body suddenly decided to do all the talking right now. Next thing you know, you're lifting your hips up and down, grinding on him. You both looked down, noticing that his sweatpants were giving him away, at how he was feeling you grind him like that. The sweatpants outlined what was down there, and your imagination did the rest...

Bakugou was heavily breathing from all this and had another idea.

"On your knees." He demanded. You being the submissive minx deep down, you happily nodded and did exactly just that.

Now here you were. On your knees, Bakugou sitting on his bedside, trying to rub himself out right in front of you. To have a front seat to all of this, suddenly have a pool of your own fluids below your waist.

Without warning, his dick was touching your lips, and you were smiling in lust. "Your quite dirty arent you, little slut." His devilish smirk came back again. His tone desperate and in want. You hummed in delight as you kitty licked the head of his cock.

"Heh, then why don't you put your whole mouth into it, huh?" He held both his hands on each side of your head for support, slowly pushing in your mouth to meet his whole base for one second, only for him to quickly pull your head back so you wouldn't choke on it.

You gasped once more, licking your lips in response to taste the precum still on your lips. Bakugou watched you in desire, grinning like the Chesire Cat.

"I'm gonna mess you up, so bad, you'll never want anyone else's dick but mine, got it?" You nodded once more, he pushed your head back down. You were all about his needs right now, to hear his groans of pleasure, knowing that your the one making him do that.

He was cursing up a storm as your head bobbed up and down, showing no sign of stopping, every ounce of warmth and wetness in your mouth was getting every spot on his cock to be jolted with pleasure. His hand never leaving your head, gripping it once a while to show you whose cock you're sucking on.

Those tiny jolts of pleasure that you were giving were now rapidly increasing every second. He was so close to cumming. You noticed as well, as he was gripping on you tighter and tighter, bruising your shoulder in the process, you saw the pornos.

It was either the guy quickly lifted the girl's head off his cock to cum on her face or maybe Bakugou was gonna leave you still in your mouth, and cum inside your mouth.

Without warning, both his hands held your face close, making sure you didn't move. You then felt some sticky fluid run through inside your throat, you were getting nervous again as more and more kept coming through, you weren't sure if you were gonna drink all up.

You breathed through your nose in the hopes of helping, it did, sort of. However, before you thought it was done, some still landed on your cheek. Bakugou helped out by cleaning off the evidence with his thumb, putting said thumb in your mouth to have you lick it off, which you oblige.

He then hoisted you up from the floor and had you lay on his bed. Before you could protest, he stopped you by cupping your clothed pussy, which was dripping wet at this point. You felt your cheeks getting hot, Bakugou saw this, "You're still embarrassed after what just happened?" He smirked.

He lifted your skirt, fingering you through your panties. You had a feeling he wasn't done with you yet...

[cheswirls]

we come from the ashes (we leave under fire)

aight so now that im fully immersed in psycho pass again its time to drop the different routes of the sa psycho pass au. i think sabo and ace are just enough complex characters with different drives that they could fit into multiple roles in a pp au, so this is jus a fraction based on whats spoken to me. also, theres like, a touch of popular fanon characterization here and there but instead of far-off fanon its could-be-implied-from-canon fanon. regardless this is entirely to my taste.

also these aren’t full scenarios so some of them will cut off at odd moments!! they arent intended to be like outlines, jus my rambling thoughts. ill put a read more under the first one, theres 4 in total rn

route 1: e!sabo (former i) and i!ace [i: ace, lami | e: sabo, law, rayleigh, monet] -sabo is an inspector before ace at a young age (before turning 20) -sabo ends up being a well-rounded member of the team and soon becomes crucial to the overall success of missions -something happens that forces sabo’s hue to take a nosedive, and every little upset pushes him deeper, until his crime coefficient is so high the bureau is forced to remove him from the line of duty -knowing sabo’s innate prowess for the job, he’s placed in protective custody and forced to undergo mental therapy; however, this has the opposite effect, spiking his crime coefficient to almost unseen numbers (600+) -he spends three months in custody under observation, but as the number fails to drop, two key things are observed: 1, sabo is eerily calm for the most part, remaining near emotionless on the outside as a result of a coping mechanism learned through the attempted therapy, and for the most part functions like normal, aside from his absent personality; 2, the most part is there because sabo has brief psychotic breaks, most lasting mere minutes, but the recoil has him down and out of it for almost a full day, like someone with intense manic depression after an episode -knowing they can’t afford to lose a talent like sabo, and understanding the risks, the bureau brings him back under their care as a latent enforcer; aside from his shift in personality, and his lack of authority, sabo enters back into the life he had known before his crime coefficient skyrocketed -enter ace, three years after sabo’s reinstatement -ace and sabo are relatively close in age, but unlike sabo who joined the bureau of public safety immediately upon graduation, ace has a few years more of life experience under his belt before becoming an inspector -no one knows his ambitions or motives, and ace is careful not to let it slip, that he’s striving to uncover the situation that led up to his little brother losing his life -on ace’s first case, lami pulls him aside to say she was taking law, and wanted him to handle sabo and circle around; she warns ace not to let sabo overstep, because the power went to his head; ace asks ‘what are you trying to say?’ and lami tells him if he loosened sabo’s leash, the chain would snap off -sabo and ace, despite being in each other’s care, don’t mesh well together at first; sabo is intent to do things his own way, and is constantly berating ace for doing what he thinks is a second-rate job; the last thing ace wants is a latent criminal constantly correcting his choices and challenging his authority, but he just can’t seem to win with sabo -the first time ace witnesses one of sabo’s attacks is the same night he breaks from lami’s advice, letting sabo separate from him and monet to box in their suspect, monet makes a noise of disapproval when she sees sabo moving away, but when ace asks why, she only eyes him critically and says he’d already made his choice -they continue forward when lami contacts them through the comms, noting their target dot had stopped on the map and asking if ace had them in custody yet; ace admits he and monet were still on their way, so it was probably sabo, and lami cuts him off with a ‘sabo is alone??’ -shit, lami says, and orders him to get a move on, and to remember that they needed this one alive to link the motive to a previous case; her and the two enforcers with her would meet them there, already heading to the fixed location -it’s a frenzy to race to their destination, and ace notices along the way that his baton was missing from his person; monet mentions sabo must have taken it without his knowing, and ace opens his mouth to deny it, but he doesn’t get the chance to when they come out in an open area and find sabo burying the stolen baton into their culprit’s stomach -it’s clear that sabo had taken his time in brutalizing the person already, an when ace shouts over, asking what he was doing, mentions that sibyl’s judgement wouldn’t be enough, so he was doing it his way; ace immediately has problems with this, but him and monet are on an incline, a wide space still separating them from sabo, and his options are limited to pointing his dominator when it’s clear sabo has no intention of stopping, and hoping for the best -except, the best doesn’t happen, because sibyl scans sabo’s crime coefficient at way over 500 and still rising, and before ace’s eyes transforms into a lethal eliminator; sabo looks up, as if sensing this, and freezes as he’s met with the sight, with the dominator trained on him; it’s enough for the person under him to start squirming to get free, and ace doesn’t want to kill sabo, that wasn’t his intention by any means, but it wasn’t like there was a safety feature on dominators, so there was nothing he could do -but he could, because there was still a trigger, and as their suspect claws their way halfway out from underneath sabo, ace makes a decision, quickly pointing the dominator down as he fires, so that it hits their target instead of the enforcer; the person combusts, sabo drops his makeshift weapon and collapses to his knees, and ace’s dominator reverts to its usual state without a target to lock on -sabo still looks haunted, and its worse now that he’s absolutely covered in blood; he starts gasping for breath, curling his arms around his stained suit jacket, and falls completely as his legs give out; his hands shoot out to catch himself, but they keep slipping on all the blood on the ground, and at that moment ace doesn’t see a latent criminal, he sees someone his age looking utterly terrified, so he holsters his dominator and makes to move to help -but monet holds him back with an arm over his chest, watching sabo with a stern expression; ace looks at her incredulously and she tells him to wait in a stern tone, holstering her own dominator to activate her comm and alert lami -sabo’s panic attack has dissolved from breathing at this point, and he’s crying hysterically, one hand clenched in his hair; ace stands still and watches as lami’s group appears on the same platform, level with sabo, and take in the situation very quickly; monet releases him but he doesn’t move forward, and down below, lami ushers for law to stand in front of sabo, holding her dominator level with his chest -the read on the enforcer forces the dominator into paralyzer mode, and law sidesteps just as lami fires, ‘its time to sleep now’, so that it hits sabo instead, cutting off his hysterics as he sags fully to the messy ground  -ace realizes then that there was a trick in the system, because when she had pulled off was not unlike what he had just done with his own dominator, delivering the judgement to a different target than the one scanned; lami later admits she’d learned it from the chief inspector upon insistence of the bureau head, for situations like these, because still in moments when it seemed like sabo was too far gone, the public safety bureau still considered him and asset they couldn’t afford to lose -ace isn’t suspended for his actions, but reiju makes it very clear he was on thin ice, and he and lami aren’t on speaking terms just yet; in the lull between cases, with their only lead splattered all over a back alley, ace opts to visit sabo in medical; he had a peculiar situation, the medic ward tells him, sabo up and about around 18 hours after being paralyzed, a little longer than usual, but not behaving like it by any means; sometimes he would fall unconscious, other times he was awake but completely listless, his eyes open but unseeing, his head refusing to rise off the pillows; the ward admits the enforcer would be like this for another half day, maybe longer, though his crime coefficient had dropped down by almost 150 points; when ace asks what that made it now, its with a chuckle he’s told sabo’s range is still exceedingly high, almost at 600 -ace keeps coming back, viewing sabo from behind the glass, until he starts to regain some function; when he responds to a question while having his iv changed, ace convinces the ward to let him take sabo the tea they were bringing in; sabo eyes him critically when he walks in, but ends up thanking ace when he reaches out to take the steaming mug; ace settles into the stool beside the medical cot and sabo lets him be, not questioning his presence, not until ace starts asking questions -but sabo’s anger at being asked why quickly dissipates, his body not able to keep up with the intense emotion, and he shrugs in lieu of an answer, drinks his tea; but ace isn’t leaving, and after a while and an empty mug, sabo admits he was trying to get their suspect’s crime coefficient to rise above 300, because he didn’t like the idea of bringing them in and locking them in a cell when there was a slim chance they could recover, after what they had done -ace is horrified by this, and it must show on his face, because sabo shrugs; that’s just how he is sometimes, he admits; his mind falls into a black pit, and he can’t escape, and when it’s finally over it takes forever to feel like himself again -ace admits lami had it out for him because he killed their suspect, and the laugh sabo produces in response is gruff; she’ll get over it, he says, she’s always like that, he says, she’s not a hard person to piss off, he says; ace asks suddenly why their relationship was so tense, and sabo shrugs, saying him and lami used to be tight, but then he became like this, and she no longer thought society had a use for him

route 4: e!sabo and e!ace (both former i) [i: ace, sabo | e: katakuri, kuzan, shinobu, rebecca] -this is the one i think would be the most fun, but ultimately wouldn’t advance anywhere, with both being latent criminals and being bound by what the position entailed -in this case ace, whose own emotions had always fluctuated and took a toll on his higher-than-average crime coefficient, falls first, driven to near despair when sabo is almost fatally injured during what was supposed to be a routine roundup -sabo had taken an enforcer and was forced into close-quarters combat, and before he could subdue whatever had caused the enforcer to rage, his crime coefficient dips enough for the stunner to paralyze him (thru the enforcer using their own dominator on sabo upon identifying his elevated psycho pass); left with very little option to struggle, sabo is lethally injured and left for dead before backup arrives -ace’s crime coefficient spikes when confronting the scene, and he doesn’t hesitant to kill the enforcer before rushing to sabo’s side; unfortunately, as sabo is rushed to emergency care, his absence does ruin to ace, whose number refuses to fall as his hue grows cloudier -when sabo wakes up, on a long road to recovery, ace is nowhere to be found, and the chief inspector reveals he had been arrested; sabo is frantic, only able to think of ace, and what he was going through now, and why this had to happen to ace of all people, and then of the small box he had nestled in a hidden space in their shared flat, something he would never get to use now -the bureau releases an inter-team statement that ace was not at fault for the enforcer’s demise, ruling it off with use of the dominator, but that didn’t excuse his crime coefficient from refusing to fall, and if he wanted to continue work for the bureau, had to be reinstated as an enforcer -the toll on their new life (ace living somewhere different, ace having a curfew, no longer having ace next to him every second of the day, no longer even to have him to hold at night) is heavy for sabo, and it doesn’t help that ace keeps saying it was expected, that he become just like his father after all -sabo grabs him by the cheeks and tells him to stop, please, bc that wasnt true and saying that would only make it worse, and didnt ace know how much he loved him for who he was already, and that ace was already perfect in sabos eyes; ace apologizes and promises to try better, and sabo breaks away, going on a mini tangent, saying how he couldnt handle it anymore and his hue was getting cloudy, and how ace had to do his best to get out, to stabilize, so that they could begin to return to some sort of sanity -ace promising to do that, and worrying over sabo’s declining mental state, because worrying over him shouldnt have been priority and yet sabo was fretting anyway, and sabo pulls back again to say this was the last time he would see ace for a while; when ace asks sabo admits he was getting institutionalized for treatment, bc it was the only thing he could think to do, and that he wanted ace to focus on getting out, even if he had to be demoted to an enforcer, bc at least he would be out in some sort of sense, and if sabo wasnt waiting for him then he would have to wait just a little longer -the realization of how much sabo was getting affected nearly kills ace, and the weight is heavy in his eyes, enough for sabo to see, and the ring box in his pocket is burning, and he doesnt even know why he brought it with him, bc its not like he could propose to a latent criminal anyway; ace knows what sabo going away means, and even if a thousand questions bubble in his mind, (what about the dog, what about the house, what about the bills, what ab-) he throws them all aside in favor of pulling sabo close, and holding him tight, and promising everything would turn out just fine, even if they would never live the way they used to before case x -(sabo goes home after being released to manage his and ace’s affairs, and ends up giving their dog away before fleeing to a mental facility) -sabo checks himself into a mental facility to deal with the sudden weight on his shoulders, sure that if he continued to suffer by himself he would end up in the same fate as ace -it doesn’t help, though; the facility sets him on a physical therapy track along with a stress recovery one, but the two don’t exactly work hand in hand, as sabo increasingly develops ptsd and more stress from the pt exercises -sabo spends an uncertain amount of time in the institution, and while he leaves nearly fully physically recovered, his psycho pass never regressed to where it was before he was injured -reiju, the chief inspector, comes to pick him up and bring him to the bureau; sabo asks what was going to happen to him on the car ride there, and reiju reveals she would give him a choice, and a handful of hours to think it over; once in her office, sabo finds ace waiting for him; reiju gives them a moment before settling, and tells sabo while he couldnt become an inspector again with his crime coefficient, he could settle for working as an enforcer for another division; she reveals more details re, he would be confined to the bureau’s tower, have restricted access, be limited regarding orders, be under someone’s strict command, etc etc; his other alternate was to undergo treatment in a cell in latent criminal housing, like ace had tried -sabo is given three hours to think it over, and reiju lets ace take him from the room; before ace can drag him far, he brings him to a sit-down with kuzan, shinobu, and one of the inspectors that had replaced them; its more of a reunion with the former two, with them sharing their experiences with the matter, and the new inspector saying it would be an honor to work with sabo, but would respect his decision either way, acknowledging that ‘becoming an enforcer wouldnt do anything to help his psycho pass, and was most likely going to make it worse’ -ace takes sabo to his room in the tower and they fall together on the couch; they have somewhat of a serious discussion about it all, because while ace would love to have sabo by his side, he knows it wouldnt be permanent like it used to be, because they would be on different divisions, they would most likely have separate living quarters, and their freedoms were greatly restricted; the other side is that sabo could potentially get better, and if his psycho pass recovered and was cleared, he could live on the outside again, he could be an inspector if he wanted, or he could do anything; he didn’t have to work for the bureau anymore if it was too much, whereas if his psycho pass was never fully cleared, he wouldnt have any sort of option, being confined to a cell -ace doesnt realize, but sabo has all but given up; hed spent so long in the hospital, and if that hadnt worked, how would being in a cell help any more?; he knows, logically, given enough time, things that hadnt worked before might begin to help, but he also knows that would be a long road to recovery, and right now he was only concerned with the short and easy; he dissuades ace in the gentlest way possible and reveals he would settle for an enforcer position, since the bureau would still have him, and this way he could be with ace again, as close to normal as they could get -ace doesnt know what to feel, because short term him feels gratified that he would have sabo back, but long term he knew sabo was giving up a shot at normal life again, and it killed him to acknowledge that; he doesnt react any one way or another, accepting sabos decision -reiju is much the same, taking his choice without any approval or disapproval; she makes a number of calls and system commands while sabo waits on the plush couch, and when she’s done sabo has an updated id card, badge, terminal access, a cleared desk with his confiscated items being moved to it, and funds for at least one suit; all the basics, along with one holo flipped to face his way, revealing a walkthrough diagram of a basic furnished apartment that had the potential to be his -when sabo questions the last part, reiju smiles, and puts two keys on the desk; one is the new apartment, and the other is a spare of ace’s; sabo is startled when he realizes the implications, and reiju’s smile turns knowing; she cautions him that he could always have a place of his own to escape to, but sabo doesnt hesitate to take the second key and hold it close -reiju tells him to retire for the night, and in the morning, he would report to his division’s staff room for the [evening/morning, trauma relive implications for evening, escapism for morning] shift, the same as ace’s timetable; if anything happened, he already knew standard protocol, and if anything didnt, it was more time spent unpacking to his desk and familiarizing himself with the team -ends (?) with sabo meeting sonia, who had joined the division during his absence, and lami, who he knew only in passing, and law, an enforcer he knew used to be an inspector like him; ends w sabo telling ace he hasnt given up, not just yet, but that he wanted to help people again in the meantime, even if that meant stretching out his recovery a little longer, and that ace better not have given up either, and ace affirming that he hadn’t

route 5: i!ace and i!sabo (turned e) [i: koby, sabo | e: rayleigh, law, izo, kuzan] [i: ace, sonia | e: sabo, law, ikkaku, izo] -for the most part, sabo and ace have life made; they’re married, they share a house, they’re partnered on the job in the same division, everything is as it should be -and then an incident occurs, and the first division is suddenly looking for a new inspector to replace the one that had lost, and to help close out the ongoing investigation -they end up choosing sabo, who is hesitant at first, but after getting debriefed on the case, jumps on the case; now things get a little rougher, longer hours for sabo, different timetables, multiple nights where he pulls all-nighters and resists the pull of his bed at home for his desk at work -ace becomes spiteful after being supportive for so long, almost unable to bear the stress of never seeing sabo for such long stretches of time; and their relationship becomes strained as a result, because sabo doesn’t want to move back down to a lower division now that he’s tasted the top -and then something goes wrong, and sabo comes home near dawn very awake and very afraid, and forgets that he and ace are mad at each other, and runs to him for comfort; ace stays awake with him until they both have to leave for work, never asking what was wrong, only being a soothing presence that ultimately amounts to nothing, when sabo is refused entry into the bureau for his bad psycho pass -(ace first noticing sabo’s hand shaking, and the fact that he could see his hand, that his gloves were off, was the first sign that something was very wrong. sabo lets ace hold him for a long time, try and work on getting him to breathe, and then calming him down, and then sabo bursts out crying, and ace quietly shushes him, drawing him closer, saying it was okay, whatever it was, it would be okay, they would move past it, together, because they did everything together and ace wasn’t going to leave him alone for this; this just makes sabo cry harder because he knows ace can’t follow, not with a clear mental hue, and its a big punch to the gut; ace stripping sabo of his suit jacket and holding him close, lying them on their bed, and finally as sabo’s cries become only harsh breaths, asks if he needed to skip work, take the day off; sabo doesn’t have to think long to know that was only delaying the inevitable, because his hue wasn’t going to change if he was home alone stressing or home with ace stressing -he knew what he’d been through was too much for either of them to handle by themselves, and being given one day to live in bliss and ignorance would only make the next day, when they had to return to the bureau, that much harder) -sabo and ace’s day-to-day lives are upheaved after this; sabo is stripped of his rank and authority, and suddenly instead of it being a rarity that him and sabo would cross paths at home, sabo is never home because he is not allowed to be -the bureau forces sabo to stay at a rehabilitation center and he does so for two long months, learning to control his emotions even as his crime coefficient never fully stabilizes below 100 again; after this time, before he’s released, the new division one inspector now partnered with ace pays him a visit and urges him to come back to div 1 with her, saying they could really use his help, that they still needed him, that he still had a purpose, and a chance, under sibyl -privately, sabo thinks to himself that the sibyl system is the entire reason his life is now in shambles; things would never go back to how they were, but at least if he rejoined the bureau as an enforcer, he could live at the psb and ace would be allowed to visit, as opposed to living in latent criminal housing in isolation -sabo accepts and ace tackles him they next time they meet at the bureau, nearly on the verge of tears, and their colleagues give them a minute to sort themselves; ace admits that he thought sabo still had a chance, that there was that story of an enforcer who had recovered and was able to rejoin society, and that he promised when sabo recovered enough to live on the outside again, they would both quit the bureau and live more peaceful lives; sabo has reservations about all these hopes, but he’s not in the mood for disappointing ace more than he already has, so he keeps his mouth shut -division 1 has almost been entirely restructured since sabo’s departure, but the case that had left the division devastated was still open-ended, much to his distress, but no new leads and a new distinct lack of things to follow up on leave the case virtually at a standstill; sabo vows to look into it on his own time, because it wasn’t something he was willing to let go just yet -ace catches him in the act, because ace is always watching him these days, but after sabo admits his intentions declares he wants to help too; seeing sabo willingly put himself into the line of fire again by opening the case back up does something to ace, makes him realize how much sabo is willing to push himself for others and for the sake of his job, and how that was a quality of his he’d always been in love with

route 6: i!sabo and e!ace [i: lami, sabo | e: ace, rebecca, monet, law] -in this one ace is a latent criminal with a high crime coefficient and is jaded from his past with roger, believing it to be his father’s fault and his father’s legacy that drove him over the edge -sabo is an upstart at the public safety bureau, and he has just recently transferred to the division ace serves in as an enforcer -ace is brash and uncompromising, not unlike other enforcers sabo had worked with but far more difficult (this is definitely the enemies to lovers route k? k) and the best advice sabo can get from his new coworkers are don’t even try with him -but it’s unlike sabo to give up without a challenge, and so he attempts to match ace, crazy stunt for stupid tactic for idiotic, rushed plan, enough so that after a bit ace goes from being annoyed to being slightly impressed sabo was willing to put himself through so much; not that he would ever admit it aloud, though -the turning point is sabo doing a daring move on a case that saves the life of another enforcer; ace turns the thought in his head, and decides he could respect sabo’s actions in that instance, because enforcers were replaceable and technically criminals with no futures, but sabo had put one before his own life anyway, and something about that touches ace in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time -their relationship evolves from that point, where ace will stop sabo from rushing in instead of letting the inspector risk himself for his own amusement, and generally tries to watch sabo’s back when the chance arises; it takes sabo a little while and a few prods from others to notice ace’s flip, but once he starts taking it in, his view of the enforcer changes little by little -because it’s not like ace is a bad person, per se; true, he was a brute and he could be vicious and he had a temper and a tendency to snap bones before asking questions, but he wasn’t always like that; he wasn’t like that to little rebecca, who was younger than him, or any of the victims they encountered on the scene that didn’t deserve the harsh sentiment; he didn’t have the energy to be nasty and self-serving all the time, and as sabo begins to watch for it, it shows more and more -it reaches a point, ace looking out for him, where when they’re on a dangerous scene confronted with the aftermath of something horrific, and sabo descends into a panic attack and nearly loses himself, it’s ace that stays by him the entire time and helps pull him from his mind, soothing him enough that his number drops to normal -from then on, the negative outlook they held of each other disappears near entirely; sabo still finds he struggles with the memories of that day, and ace more often than not is by his side when he’s consumed by thoughts, helping to ease him out -it happens late enough one night, with sabo hunched over his desk staring at his bright computer screen, pouring over scarce documents to a tough case, that he’s startled when he’s pulled from bad thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder and an even warmer drink being pressed into his hand; ace convinces him, after an hour of fruitless effort of turning up anything new, to take a breather, at least until the sun was out; sabo agrees, almost too tired to function, and lets ace lead him from the room and into one of the spacious lobby areas, where they both collapse onto a couch; sabo doesn’t even notice ace running a hand through his light hair until he can fall asleep, or the way he’s caged in by ace’s legs, reclined against his front -when sabo wakes in the morning he is not alone, but ace is keeping distance; he’d waved around a mug of heavy espresso until the smell had sabo roused from sleep, crouched down in front of the couch, and sabo finds his head propped up by pillows that feel cold compared to . . he’s not sure what -monet enters into the lounge when sabo is sat up and a bit more awake, and pauses to eye him for a minute, until her mouth curves into a dangerous smirk; sabo asks but she shrugs, leaving without giving him a proper answer; later, in the office, sabo finds her and law hunched together, the two looking up at the same time to fix him with knowing looks that he doesn’t know how to respond to -sabo looks around and asks where lami was, since her shift just ended, and law tells him she was in his room several floors down, revealing when she needed rest but couldn’t afford to go all the way home for it (or stubbornly refused not to) then she had a spare key to his quarters so she could sleep without leaving the psb tower -sabo is mildly surprised by this, knowing the relationship between her and law but being unaware that inspectors entered into the rooms of enforcers, previously viewing the invisible boundary between the two as much more strict -but as he begins to observe more, he finds that maybe that wasn’t the case; and his own feelings regarding it all surface when rebecca has lunch with him one day, and admits that shes ‘never seen ace act the way he does with you with anyone before’

[zhuhongs]

Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i  have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented. 

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

 If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader. 

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.  

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced. 

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever. 

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel. 

[findingyouagain]

personal rant down below. pls feel free to ignore

apparently asking my mom to stick up for me when my sister starts yelling at me about stupid things like accidentally spilling a drink upstairs, putting a sweatshirt on top of the dresser to block the box lights, her yelling at me over having a fan plugged in & on downstairs is “not something we need to talk about” & “your dad & i are working with av. on her anger” ( um bitch where she’s upstairs all the time & you bitches are downstairs 24/7. what are you having telepathic conversations about her anger issues ??? & yes im at the house all the time so its not like its happening when im not around ) & “you & kar. are out to get avery & get her into trouble & that’s why you keep bringing up old stuff” ( no we keep bringing up old shit bc if i had broken a door in this house i would have to pay to fix it & have all my shit taken away from me ).

also apparently when getting into heated discussions about the severity of covid-19, racism & how making jokes about stereotypes is racist, & other “political” issues ( aka human rights issues ), me pulling out articles & quoting scientific fact is “handling it wrong & attacking them” & my mom literally said she just shuts up & stops listening to me bc she doesnt want to hear it aka she’s not open to having her opinion changed on anything so y’know Fuck all of the kids who might die bc we have to open the schools back up & fuck their family members who might get sick if they bring it home & all the teachers & our schools arent eve requiring kids to wear masks just the teachers. & my other two sisters are going back to uni next month & one of them keeps fucking complaining about having to wear a mask & she fucking cheered the other day bc her school isnt in one of the counties in our state w/ mask requirements so when she has to go to this stupid sorority thing that they could do over fucking zoom next weekend, she’s just gonna be out there exposing herself & others to whatever fucking germs she has & im just so fucking tired.

& even my youngest sister was backing my mom up & was like “its just arguing all sisters dont get along all the time” & im like no av. has been physically & emotionally abusive to me & made me feel like i dont deserve any of the space or air i take up in our shared room the past 7 years & y’all are just mad that kar. & i are sitting here quietly & putting up with it anymore. & then she said “you just have to let it go & move on & like forgive her &  giver her a second chance” like no bitch this is her like 15th chance, im done. im so fucking done. but i cannot move out ?? bc i dont have a car. & i dont have money for a car or an apartment & i have no fucking friends & every person who is ‘supposedly’ my friend from home or school & shit, it’s always me who has to reach out first. always. & im tired of not feeling needed or wanted. but then oh why havent you done the dishes or the towels now im crying upstairs after ls or vacuumed or cooked yet. & when i do those things & ask for help from my sisters it’s well you’re not our parents & you cant tell us what to do.

& its my dads fucking bday & i spent the day making him a cake ( his family’s recipe meaning i had to call his parents who constantly harass me about my weigh t& my clothes & my hair & theyre racists homophobic assholes who i will never come out to but cant fucking cut out of my life yet bc i still live at home w/ my dad & bc their other son is supposed to be helping me get a car & bc they had to cosign my student loans last year & they told me i ha to watch what i eat as the stipulation for them signing & also they fucking guilt trip me anytime i spend more than a couple days not talking to them & explicitly try to make me feel bad that i enjoy the company of my mom’s parents more ) & now im upstairs crying bc i got into it w/ my mom while he & av. went to go pick up the pizza which is the only reason i brought it up.

oh not to mention the text btwn my mom & dad that i accidentally saw where they explicitly said kar & i implied we wanted av. to be put under a 72 hr psych hold as if asking that she be held accountable for her actions & not throw toothbrushes at us & shit is the same thing as that ??

so in case you were wondering no quarantine is not holding up great i fucking wish i could move out already but thats not gonna happen for probably a year & idk what to do i just need my own place so i can have space again & not feel like im constantly in it w/ 4-5 other people.

[27snakesinatrenchcoat]

https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rspb.2019.0760

I know this study is on cichlids but it makes me curious about how much we don't know about fish and their emotional capacity. We know from studies that many fish species recognize and bond with their keepers, play, learn tricks, and bond with one another... how much else have we underestimated about their mental capacity because they arent like mammals? Like I know from my own experience (as pretty much any pet owner does) that they all have unique personalities and quirks.

(Warning, pet death mention below)

Last week while I was feeding the platties I noticed Splash's spine had curved to the point where she was unable to reach the food and eat (she didn't handle her pregnancy well and her physical health had been in decline for a while but over the last month she took a turn for the worse)... I couldn't watch her deteriorate and suffer anymore so I did made the decision to finally euthanize her. (may she forever swim in peace. she is missed terribly but I'm glad she's not hurting anymore)

A good while before this happened I had removed Splosh (the male that was breeding with her) and put him in the breed box so he would leave her alone in hopes that she'd be able to eat and put some weight back on.

Naturally Splosh is afraid of me. Ive noticed he has a remarkable memory in comparison to some of the others, and now he will not come out of his hiding place until I leave the room. If I walk in and he sees me, he immediately hides.

I released him before Splash's passing, as I noticed she would spend a lot of time hovering next to the breed box where he was and as stupid as it sounds, I wanted them to be able to spend the day together before I put her to sleep because it seemed like they wanted to be together. I also noticed that she started getting thinner after I'd separated them, but I dont know if that was just coincidence or if being separated stressed her out more.

Now that she's gone, both Chonk and Big Mama hide when I walk into the room. Big Mama and Chonk will come back out after a moment if they think it might be food time, but I never see Splosh. I saw him frantically searching the tank for 3 days after Splash's passing and I just feel really bad for him.

Obviously I dont think he knows what happened (how could he??) But I do know he knows I removed both Splish and Splash from the tank and they never came back. Rather than "food bringer" I think he sees me as "fish taker" at this point :/

Like I know most people are like "hes just a fish" but... i don't want him to be so afraid of me? I feel like I destroyed any bond he did form and I'm not sure if I can ever regain his trust at this point and it just makes me sad. I just want him to be able to feel safe swimming around his own tank again because thats his home and he deserves to feel safe there. He might just be a fish but he's an animal with feelings. He might not be very smart and he might not understand anything that's happened, but that doesnt mean he isn't frightened and I just feel bad because he doesn't deserve to feel that way.

This is mostly just a vent, I'm not looking for advice. I know the best thing to do is just keep treating them like everything is okay and eventually they'll probably feel better. It just makes me sad that you can't give a fish a treat or toy or something to tell them it's okay and try to show them that you're sorry and still love them :'(

Other than the traumatized platties, everyone else is doing just fine, and the remaining platties are in very good physical health. Chonk is starting to flash their fins at the other fish (and me) in a territorial fashion so I'm starting to wonder if they're getting ready to mature into a male. They should be right around that age now so I guess we'll see soon. :0

[btsandvmin]

Getting it out of the way...

Okay, so here’s the thing. I get a lot of questions about other ships, mainly about Ji/kook and I just want to say that while I understand that a lot of you are curious about my opinion on them there are a few things I would like to say about the topic of other ships. 

If you don’t want to read about other ships I suggest you don’t keep on reading. I also apologize if I sound rude and that this post is a mess, but I really just wanted to answer this and get it done as I don’t really find much pleasure in it.

I want to say to you who sent these asks that I hope you don’t feel that I have anything against you, because you have said nothing wrong or offensive. You clearly like my posts and I really love you all for supporting me and liking my thoughts to much! <3

I just don’t really like talking more about other ships than Vmin. So sorry if you feel sad about my replies. I wasn’t actually sure if I should answer some of these questions at all.

However I am, but be aware that this could be difficult to read for shippers of “all sides” including Vmin shippers. It’s basically just me ranting and speculating as I share my own views.

First of for me it’s much more fun to talk about Vmin and their bond, it’s what I love and it’s the reason I made this blog. Again, not to prove what ship is real or not, but simply to talk about Vmin and what if’s based on things I notice. Also as a bit of a counter to other shippers who love to analyze but always act 100% certain of being right. I also still think that most likely BTS has non straight members but that the odds of there being an actual couple are rather small. But if there is one maknae line is definitely the most suspicious ones for various reasons.

Secondly even if another ship is real you can’t put the relationships against each other. Seeing more of one dynamic doesn’t automatically mean that the other is lesser or has been replaced. Even if two of the members are together why does that mean that they wouldn’t be close with or love another member? If that would be true it would reflect rather poorly on the members involved, basically either making them obsessive/possessive/jealous to the point where it affects their relationship with their friends. Or being neglecting towards your friend because of a romantic relationship. Maybe this could be true in the start (honeymoon phase) of a relationship but we are talking about people who know each other and has been friends for years. You really think Jimin or Tae would abandon the other to the point of not spending any time together outside of work? We know that’s not true, we know they still spend time together even if we don’t hear about it as often. I just think it’s weird to pitch the members against each other in that way, or imply that one or more of them would be insensitive enough to do this for such a long time even if someone suffers for it. Love is not a competition. Fine if it would be mutual and they wouldn’t want to spend time together, but at least we can see that Vmin clearly love each other and they still indicate often that they like spending time together. So why wouldn’t they?

Thirdly, do you even realize how much we don’t get to see? I’ve said it before but idols manage to have relationships that are completely hidden with people they can’t meet very often. If BTS has a couple within the group they surely get to spend more time together than the normal relationship even outside of what we as their fans get to see. But it’s also much more risky and easy to expose if you say or do the wrong thing. Even if fanservice is something they can hide behind partly. In this sense, even Tae/kook makes more sense with how little we get to see from them despite obviously knowing they spend time together too. Just saying that no matter how much we think we get to see, there is still a lot we don’t see. And the things we do get to see are edited and often managed by Big Hit (even though I do not think that all the staff like editors and directors etc would be aware of a relationship if is there is one).

Fourth if there is an actual homosexual couple I think it would be in both their own self-interest and from Big Hit’s perspective to not let it show, at least not too much considering how the fans really look into every single thing. I could be wrong and maybe Big Hit is planning to let Ji/kook come out or be in a glass closet, but it would likely be devastating to their careers. Just a few days ago I saw Korean netizens comment that homosexuals are basically psychopaths. It would mean that they would put being together openly above the success of the group and honestly I just personally don’t think that fits with either Jimin’s nor Jungkook’s personalities who has sacrificed a lot of other things for BTS and their fans (I know this sounds horrible, just saying it’s a huge deal). Not right now at least, when they have renewed their contracts and still has military service to go through. Engaging in “homosexual activities” during military service is even punishable by law in Korea. Of course I don’t know any of this as fact and I do think Big Hit and BTS are very forward thinking and obviously pro LGBT+, so who knows. It would also be a huge deal that would help a lot of people, but as of now I just think it’s unlikely that they would let any member come out as non straight, and even less a couple. Their general attitude towards publicly showing support has grown, but it’s still careful and they would definitely lose a lot of fans, not the least in Korea.

Fifth, the fact is that Ji/kook is getting PR from Big Hit. Most of, if not all, things that reach us be it videos, tweets or written interviews are probably looked over by Big Hit (also remember Vmin checking their answers with each other?). Especially if they have something to hide they would probably have teams that made sure things stayed hidden. I think JK even talked about how they have staff up working while they are on vlive to check reactions etc. It’s just common sense for entertainers of any kind to have their image managed by their company at least to some extent. Also, leaks by staff is how most info on idols’ private info leaks, so a thing like this would be handled very delicately if you don’t want to get exposed. The exception here would be if no one knew about this except Ji/kook basically, but then that wouldn’t explain why Big Hit helps promoting them, also if that would be the case I imagine they would rather act even more careful.

Now of course not all staff could know about them hiding such a thing and things would slip through from time to time no matter what. But you all realize that things like GCF are right there on their official channels? That Ji/kook got asked about the trip several times, and even got moved in the Harajuku sweets interview so that we would get to see the question “What do you like about Jimin?” from JK. And why does Big Hit refuse Taehyung to sing the song with Jimin, if they are okay with promoting Ji/kook in quite obvious LGBT+ ways?

I don’t deny that Ji/kook don’t spend a huge amount of time together, or that they aren’t close, because they surely are. I also don’t think promoting a ship to hide another makes sense, so it’s definitely genuine from their side. They also do have suspicious moments and likely has hidden in each other’s rooms etc. But all I can say is that IF they are together it would seem like they don’t care about being discreet at all. Jimin has even been described by JK as “shameless” and I think the word fits with Jimin’s attitude towards JK since the beginning. Personally I don’t see much of a change in Ji/kook relationship from his side at all. And that is fine, maybe they just are that open and don’t care about being careful at all… But then that begs the question “why does Jimin act careful in regards to Taehyung?" I’m not kidding when I’m saying Jimin and Taehyung acts stiff or quiet at odd times like they try to hold back things, or that they really do seem reluctant to be alone live together.

Below you can see some asks I have gotten on these topics and honestly I kinda just want to get them all out of the way at the same time, because a lot of the things are the same. Sorry if I come off as rude, but I really don’t want to talk too much about other ships, both because it’s not really in my main interest and secondly because I think everyone should ship what they like and I am not here to talk badly about any ship.

Again, don’t feel bad for sending me these asks, and I hope you don’t feel insulted by my replies. These are sensitive topics after all and this is merely how I feel about various things.

 Asks are in cursive:

sometimes i cant help but feel really weird about vmin and feel insecure ji/kook are always together on stage and off stage even in one of taes vlives he said he wanted to call jimin but hes probably with jungkook and so many other things in memories of 2018 i really love vmin but i feel so sad and can’t help but feel that they’ve grown apart and jimins replaced tae with jungkook it makes me upset to think that maybe they fought and arent together anymore :( i’m sorry for bothering u

Even if Jimin spends more time with JK than Tae we don’t see everything and we don’t know everything. But I am confident that Vmin love each other and we know they spend time together that we don’t see. I doubt Jimin would “replace” Tae with JK, and once again their love is not something we as bystanders can measure based on the amount of screen time or tweets we get to see of certain pairs.

Heelow i just wanna ask a quick question, do you watch jik analysis videos especially that one popular shipper named kook/min/world on YouTube and Tumblr her analysis are........ STRONG I've been stalking her on Tumblr and she acts like she knows things and not gonna lie some of the things she says do come true 😕 Anyways where are you we miss you soo much mommmmyyyy 😭

I have watched some, though I can’t recall exactly which ones and what they were about (watched too many random analysis videos to remember who made them). And I agree, there are some strong compelling arguments, both for ji/kook and tae/kook. But most of them are still based in sharing rooms or the GCF or “jealousy” and frankly to me that isn’t enough even if all of them are true. The step from sharing a room to being in a relationship is rather huge if you ask me. And we know idols can be careful about showing things like that even if it’s all just rumors. And again, the behavior of ji/kook just doesn’t seem to show that they are trying to be careful about anything. But that’s just me.

As for knowing things there are plenty of inside information to be found if you just dig enough. It’s difficult to know what to trust and especially shipping info is very hard to trust. There are things like sound of JK and Tae playing games and swearing out on the internet, there are alleged fake dates with women, and not the least many fans knew about the huge internal problems that BTS experienced during 2017-18. So yes, there is of course a chance that people have obtained inside information but it’s really difficult to know what to trust or not even if some things prove to be real later on.

I appreciate your opinion , coz i find it pretty logical and mature. So i have some question about ji/kook . What do you think . Why Jin asked in recent run episode to Jm and JK "Are You Guys dating ?" i also noticed that Tae at that time seemed so quite and distante .. and he didn't laugh with other memebers after that . What do you think why memebers would say such thing as "joke" and do u think it's a joke ? Also Tae's reaction intrigued me and i think didn't other members noticed that too ?

Thank you! I try, though of course it’s extremely difficult to know everything as what is logical to me might not be logical to someone else etc. Still, I’m happy to hear you say my thoughts seem logical and mature.

For me personally things like Jin asking “Are you guys dating?” is one of the biggest reasons I don’t think it’s true. It would be a huge risk and the only reason I could see anyone doing that is if they know the truth will be out soon. They’ve also said this to other members as a joke, so that’s honestly what I think it is; a joke.

Taehyung’s reaction to things like this I have noted tend to be very muted. But on the other hand he also has a neutral face that looks rather sad, meaning he could really just have no real reaction. This is a huge problem I see in analysis videos all the time, that the person analyzing doesn’t actually seem know the members enough to know them “on their own”. Like Tae having a rather “sour” looking neutral face or for example JK who has a billion nervous habits, one which is the famous “tongue” thing. Meaning you can’t automatically assume that things only has that one meaning etc.

hello I really liked everything you write about VMin, I love that relationship that I do not consider it a Shipp anymore, for me it is the purest and most real relationship that any other shipp, I wanted to ask you what do you think about the rings I mention JK in Busan? Jimin got very nervous and JK hinted that it's something between him and Jimin, why did he do that? If you say that BigHit gives you rules to not show your love or your relationship, why did you do that ?, despite that situation

Thank you so much! :) VMin truly has an amazing bond!

I have heard about the rings, though I don’t know if it was confirmed to be exactly those rings (aka wedding/engagement) but I am not sure I know what moment you are talking about with Jimin seeming nervous. I’m guessing it might be from muster, but if someone knows please let me know.

Again, I have no idea what Big Hit says or does (though we do know some things like Tae not being allowed to sing with Jimin or Docskim not being allowed to release the behind story of Lie etc) all I talk about is how I assume they would manage such a situation. But there could be many other ways I can’t even think of. Basically it’s all a guessing game, but personally I think it would be in Big Hit’s interest to not let BTS “run wild” with certain things (like the no drunk tweeting rule). Also even if Big Hit has given them rules they are still capable of breaking those rules if they choose to, though I think it would get consequences. As for the rings a lot of the members have matching jewelry or clothes, so it’s difficult to know if it means anything special.

I'm not the last anon so I don't think they're forced but in relation to change people often say it's usually late 2017—2018. Then there's its because of JK. Because apparently that's when jimin and jk noticibly started spending a lot of time together. And since jimin only has limited time to spend with others, even outside the group, that's when the questions come. For me personally I saw the change after the Malta trip.

The dates always seems to be different even from Ji/kookers, but for Vmin at least to me there seemed to be a possible change in the early 2016 when they basically stopped with their vlives and then started to look super clingy yet pushed each other away at odd times.

As for late 2017-2018 and Ji/kook I have a few things I question in regards to the actual timeline and how that would effect Vmin. First if that was when JK and Jimin actually got together doesn’t that change the whole narrative of GFC and their trip to Japan? I mean, I realize some people see it as when they “confessed” but then it seems odd they would suddenly be super open and out if their relationship was so new. The Big Hit “unicorn shoot” was also before that which means they had already started the LGBT related promotions for Ji/kook. So if Ji/kook is real I think it makes more sense that it would have been going on for longer than that. I also personally don’t think the change is completely due to ji/kook but rather a major change in Jungkook. He did not have a good year 2017 and I think Jimin being there for him was just Jimin being Jimin. I also think that when JK then started to be happier his attitude changed, he started posting on twitter after a long time, dyed his hair basically for the first time and started to be seen outside more often. Sometimes getting “dragged out” by Jimin.

But the question remains if Ji/kook got together why did it affect Vmin so much? Surely if Ji/kook has been together for a long time the other members would have known and let them spend time together of course, but why would Jimin suddenly start pushing Taehyung away just because he got a boyfriend? It doesn’t paint Ji/kook in a good light to see their relationship possibly affecting Vmin’s friendship so much. And more importantly, why would it still after years make Vmin avoid certain things and act weirdly? Jimin and Taehyung are best friends and should still be able to spend time together if they truly want to, and things they say and do indicates that they want that. So why is Vmin so much more private if there is no problem for ji/kook to be so open about spending time together? 

I don’t know, personally I still think Vmin behaves more suspicious which I think would match better with both the risk with being in a homosexual relationship as well as with their respective personalities.

hi i know you are busy and probably answer very late but I've noticed that when Jik are together they always forget about Tae there are so many moments i can't mention here i am sure you know about them but it makes me sad how they just ignore tae especially jk they all were so close before so do you think there is somethin going on between jik? I mean they go on trips jm came back from Japan on Valentine's day nd they were spotted together, maybe that's why tae also doesn't go with jm 😪🤔

Hmm, interesting because I think there are plenty of moments where Vmin end up forgetting other people when in each other’s presence as well. I can think of examples with JK as well, like in Hawaii when Vmin talked about walking together at night and JK just sits there etc. I think this is one of those things that might just be shippers pointing out and over analyzing something that happens with more members than just their ship. Also Tae tends to space out, so that could be another reason. I would have to look at each moment to give a proper opinion.

I suppose if Tae perhaps really liked Jimin and got his heart broken as Ji/kook got together it could mean that Tae would like to distance himself. But there are too many other things that goes against this and I think it would be way more noticeable, not to mention probably show a huge change in physical behavior between them so it seems unlikely. I don’t see any reason for Tae to push away the person he calls his best friend just because he would be in a relationship. I also don’t see why Vmin wouldn’t just be able to continue being best friends even if one of them had a relationship someone.

I love your analyses , coz you're always puts everything so logically . Bdw what do you think of that famous jikook trip together ?? It's still intrigued me why Vmin always wants and say out loud that they want to travel together just Only two of them , and they even made a promise of that ,but then suddenly JM goes w JK (and they likes to talk about that trip a lot) , and i still can't get why Tae coudn't be there too and what stopped them to made their wishful promise ??

Taehyung was actually in Japan at the same time… Which is interesting. But he was spending time with his family. I do agree it’s weird Vmin has never acted on going somewhere together despite having claimed to want to several times, but either we just haven’t seen it or they simply prioritize other things above it. I don’t think it’s anything weird if that’s the case. I also don’t think Ji/kook going on a trip automatically makes them real, not even if Jimin was out with JK (and other friends) on Valentines day.

It’s funny because Ji/kookers stalked them to find which hotel room they stayed in and got all crazy about the bath being see-through, as if not all the members have likely seen each other naked for years. But yeah, when you only see your own ship I guess it doesn’t mean anything that others has done it before. Remember Vmin on Valentines 2014?

Sorry for sounding bitter and negative, but it’s just not that fun for me to talk about this. I am aware of the other ships and how many odd things there are to find, but I will still stand by and ship Vmin. As I’ve said before they have plenty of odd things too, which means most of the ships probably cancel each other out and aren’t real. Shipping Vmin romantically is what I love and prefer and if anyone says Vmin don’t love each other they are clearly lying. I can support Vmin as best friends just as much as lovers or soulmates. To me what matters is that the members are happy and if another ship being real means happiness for the members then that’s fine by me. I will support BTS and the members no matter what, but as of now we still don’t know anything and I am not convinced of any ship.

Sorry again, I hope I haven’t offended one. But honestly being sad because you possibly might be wrong about a ship doesn’t change the fact that all of BTS love each other no matter what.

Thanks if you managed to read this and still wants to follow me. I really appreciate you all a lot. <3

[chrisemrysfics]

And here I find in my draft a ramble about maturity, in relation to fiction.

It’s not made to be like a proper speech, just rambles read over to make sure there’s a progression of logic and it makes sense. I added more so you can see where it gets a bit less ramble and a bit more clean, but it’s all just, feels sharing.

I post this because I don’t feel I expressed what I do here in the way I did here, and I feel so very strongly about this.

If you want to take one sentence out of it that I really loved once I wrote it, it’s this one: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, they are always as mature as their own growth and journey has lead them to be.

With bonus of: maturity is not intelligence, to say you aren’t mature enough for something is, in fact, intelligent of you; but to react in immature actions is still nothing about being non intelligent, your maturity is an aspect of yourself in itself, the same way intelligence is another, and age is actually another, because while age can limit the level of maturity you can achieve (due to the brain still growing and also the limit of experiences you can have the younger you are), different people at the same age can be more mature or less mature than each other.

And extra bonus: fiction is, I dare say, almost always meant for people who can handle it, with the expectation that those that cannot handle it will avoid it (close tab, close book, change channel, blacklist, etc). Because that is the mature reaction to have, to avoid what you cannot handle (and minimize your exposure to it). Which is why mature people will not listen to immature reactions, and “defend” the source of the immature reaction, because they can recognize it isn’t a mature reaction, and hope to make the person grow in their maturity to realize the mature reaction is to avoid, not censor.

A quick addition based on my mostly fandom based meta just before: fiction is also the only place, only thing in existence, where you can experience and learn from an infinite number of experience, all the while being safe. It is the only place you can safely discover your limits, and grow your maturity through the fictions you can handle, as you discover different ways a topic, experience, etc can be experienced. Fiction is a mirror of reality, but reality can harm us, and fiction is unable to, and once we are mature enough to react maturely to what we can or cannot handle, we can make use of fiction to learn and know ourself and navigate the real world better. And it’s the other reason mature people will protect the freedom of fiction.

was talking about maturity and i remembered when i was young teen, maybe 13, or maybe even 12, and i asked to use internet, and a neighboor-friend (big brother like) helped me make a forum account and mom was close by too, and with my neighboor we made a joke in my profile (i can recall it still, we wrote “and god created pikachu!”).

things had been going well (i think he showed me some things too), mom wasn’t hovering but was around and sometimes looked to, it was a fun, happy moment.

and then someone messaged me and insulted me, angry that i mis-used god’s name.

needless to say, i got really confused and hurt and i cried, it’s very vague in my memory then but yeah i know i was hugged, and my neighboor replied for me and told the person off and made sure to nail in the fact i was a teen.

once i calmed down, mom asked me what i wanted to do, and i told her, i dont want to try for now, and i didnt, because i had enough maturity to realize i wasn’t feeling mature yet to handle these kind of people and the wild cards of internet.

in the same manner, i was maybe mid teen, maybe even 15/16 or closing in to 17, its lessened now but back then i was really, really squirmy with g/ore and b/lood and ho/rror. however, i cant recall if i saw a bit or saw another and had handled it, or if it was curiosity, but i recall asking to watch Alien (cant recall which one). Its possible i watched one that i handled and wanted to watch the first one, or again, just curiosity. anyway mom just asks to make sure, and i cant for sure if i was alone watching it, but what i recall is being really shaky after, like, growing really anxious in the night and being too afraid to sleep.

that night i slept in mom’s room, and agreed i should not watch ho/rror movie for now (and i believe i didnt try for years).

both of these to say: this illustrates that some things cannot be handled if your mind hasn’t reached enough maturity and also that it IS mature to back away from something you cant handle. mature also is different than adult, this is why we can see teens handle mature topics, but the fact is, minds mature with time and no matter if you feel, or genuinely are, a mature teen, your mind is still growing. there are mature topics, stories, discussions, etc; that you just cannot properly handle.

it is natural to feel distress when your mind cannot properly handle something, but it is immature to blame the content, because the mature thing is to back away. it is also a sign of a lack of maturity of your mind, if you cannot process the complexity of a topic and why people speak of it in different manners.

a lack of maturity is not being stupid. but intelligence and maturity are two different things. if you are intelligent, you should be able to understand you can still lack maturity.

chances are, if you think you are mature enough, and you arent, you’ll encounter topics you cant handle and lash out at the topic rather than pause and ask yourself if you were mature enough for it.

this is also why you’ll see mature people supposedly “not listen”. its not that we dont listen and defend “bad” things, its that we are mature enough to be able to dissect it, and we can see you aren’t mature enough. we arent “defending bad things”, we are trying to make you understand it’s about maturity.

when we say you can love a villain, for example, it means you are mature enough to appreciate a villain and still know they’re a villain and their acts are wrong

when we defend s/exual content and “problematic” content, its because we know the complexity of humanity and we are mature enough to differentiate fiction and reality, and the layers of them, and how they interact together, and how different people have different experiences reading fiction.

The whole reason fiction is often labelled with age as warning is that, in general, someone below that age is not mature enough to properly handle it. Some people of that age can, in fact, handle it, but not all. In the same manner, not every experience of something complex can be “good” or “bad”, because it is possible to have the people involve be mature enough to make it a good version of the experience.

However, the whole reason fiction is so, so important is that it is the only thing that exist where we are 100% safe and yet able to see, learn, experience, all sorts of things. If you need to understand a topic, especially to discover your own limits, you’re safe to do so through fictions, but you aren’t safe to do in real life. And because fan fictions are made by people who are everywhere, who are all kind of people, you will find a much larger range of experiences written.

As a final note: I don’t know how often you, we, hear it, but it is totally okay to feel repulsed by something, and it is totally okay to realize you aren’t mature enough to handle a topic or a specific way something is expressed, or just to admit to yourself that you aren’t as mature as you thought you were. Maturity is something that grows, and everyone has their own pace. Again, maturity is not intelligence, you aren’t stupid if you aren’t mature, and you will notice I’m not saying “immature”. I think, honestly, an act can be immature, but a person is never immature. You are mature, but your maturity evolves, so you are always mature at the level that you have achieve at any moment. Some people grow their maturity at faster rate, some need slower ones.

But I think I love this idea: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, you will always be just as mature as your own evolution lead you to be. You are mature to a certain level, and you can be more mature with certain topics. And I feel that the first lesson in maturity for any given topic is when you learn not to react with immature actions for the each topic. You already are so, so mature when you are capable of not reacting with immature actions. You never have to “accept” something to be mature. Maturity is when you are able to recognize what you can handle, and what you cannot, and to be responsible for your own comfort.

To demand others to not create content that you can’t handle is an immature act. To avoid the content is a mature act, because you recognize others might need that content, and that the content is not meant to you directly. In fact, I dare say that in general, people who share content, create fiction, only ever aim it for those that can handle it, and expect people who can’t to avoid it.

Yes sometimes you can stumble on a content you can’t handle, but the mature reaction is to say “okay I can’t handle that” and just leave. Close the tab, change channel, stop the movie, close the book, ask for the subject to change if you’re speaking with someone or with people, etc.

[feminarrie]

Niall, a bottle of whiskey, and a drill. use that and write what you will. I want to see what you come up with!! (also you can take your time with this)

kate! once again, thank you for challenging me with this! it was fun to figure out just how i wanted to go about this, but i’m happy with what i’ve come up with!

i’m putting it below a cut bc it’s just 3k+ of smut (it is also unedited sorry!)

As she looks out at Niall, Y/N can’t help but think how utterly domestic the scene is.

It’s midsummer and the California heat was approaching a dry 100 degrees. She had ditched her shirt in favor of a bikini top and a pair of light wash shorts atop her bottoms. She’d even spent the better half of the morning in the pool with Niall. But, as it neared one in the afternoon and the peak temperature of the day, she had gone back inside to cool down and to prepare lunch for the both of them. While Niall had slipped out of the pool and wandered to the patio, where a new patio set is still sat in pieces.

She looks outside at him now, through the kitchen window, as she washes and peels a carrot. His back glistens with sweat as he attempts to line up a metal pole with another piece of the bar that they had bought just a few days ago. They’d offered to assemble it upon delivery, but Niall had insisted that he would be able to put it together. She hadn’t argued it, either. Especially considering that they were on their way out for a scheduled date night.

She’s glad Niall had decided to put the furniture together. Especially when she see the way his broad back tenses when he moves this way or that. Droplets of sweat drip down it and highlight every movement.

The way his arms look now, as he uses a drill to join to pieces together, surpass sinful. With every movement, his biceps flex and Y/N can’t help, but think about how they feel when he’s fucking up into her. Like they had this morning, in the comfort of their air conditioned bedroom. When her back was pressed to his chest and the backs of her thighs and ass bounced in his lap. His arm had wrapped around her middle while his other hand was wound around her throat. Hitting her at angles that she didn’t think were possible.

There’s a different heat that’s building, now. An internal heat that still has sweat developing on the back of her neck and at her hairline despite the heavily air conditioned kitchen. It settles into the apples of her cheeks as continues to prepare their lunch. 

Which, it really is a miracle that she’s capable of finishing all the preparation and plating it by the time Niall walks in. She’s even managed to grab the bottle of whiskey from the top of the fridge without asking Niall to retrieve it for her. She pours it over the ice in a short glass, watching as it melts the cubes just slightly. She hopes he’ll like all of it, too. Niall is usually one to drink beer or water in this kind of heat, but she figures that a small glass of whiskey is a treat for all the hard work he’s doing. Plus, it forces him to slow down enough to enjoy the liquor and cool off for awhile. 

Y/N can see the sunburn that has begun its assault on his shoulders. The already tan skin has turned a shade of pink that holds a future of promise of blossoming into a shade of red if he’s outside for any longer. “Whatever you’ve made smells delicious, love.” Niall hums, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head as rounds the corner of the island.

“Thank you.” She grins, leaning upward to receive the peck that Niall has stopped to give her. “Go clean up and I’ll have the table all set when you come back.”

Niall nods and leaves after another peck to her lips.

Y/N busies herself with setting up the table. She places a smaller bowl of salad between two plates of greek wraps. It’s nothing too fancy, but she hardly thinks that Niall is keen on having a hot meal after he’s come inside. Even if he was, she absolutely did not want to be overheating while cooking up a warm meal for him. So, she figures it is more likely a win/win situation for the both of them. Niall returns shortly after she’s set herself down to eat. He’s in a pair of deep blue gym shorts and nothing on top. As he comes to sit down next to her, she can see the freckles that have begun to develop along the expanse of his shoulder and back. Unlike his sunburn, they will likely fade within the next few days. 

“Thanks for lunch, Y/N.” Niall says before his eyes land on the chilled glass of whiskey. “And for this. How’d ya know I was cravin’ something stronger?”

“Figured you would after being outside for most of the day.” Y/N shrugs as she answers. Their conversation dies down after that, both of them being too busy with eating to speak. Especially Niall, who goes back in for a second helping of salad. And Y/N lets him because she knows he’s probably built up an appetite.

“I’ve just got to put a few more pieces together and then I’ll be done.” Niall says after Y/N asks him how much longer he’ll be.

“We’ll stay inside after that then, yeah?” She suggests, hopeful that Niall will want to stay in for the remainder of the evening. “I’ll order takeout for us, if you’d like.”

Niall nods, drying off his hands after having finished washing his dish. Y/N lets the rest sit in the sink for now, her mind having drifted to the idea of having a cool shower while Niall finishes up outside.

He kisses her once more on the cheek before stepping out into the yard once again. Y/N paces herself in heading upstairs into the master bathroom. Grabbing her phone from the coffee table so that she can listen to music while she’s showering. She’s even more eager because she’s got a killer playlist that she’d been adding to for the past few weeks.

But, she’s also got other things on her mind as she makes her way upstairs after turning the temperature down just a little bit more. 

The images of Niall were shoved aside as they ate. She was starving and in that moment, her appetite had far outweighed her desire for Niall. But, now that she had a clearer head and a shower awaiting her, she couldn’t help but to conjure up those images again. 

She’s sure he would be too tired to do much of anything anyway. So, she sees no harm in getting herself off while he put the final touches on their patio furniture. Especially seeing as she doesn’t know how long he will be and Y/N has never been one to be patient about these types of things. 

Before long, she’s come to stand in their shared master bathroom. The heated floors don’t feel quite so warm beneath her feet, but she is still aware of the heat that they exude. Their toothbrushes occupy one marbled cup set between two sinks and white, plush hand towel hangs just slightly over the edge of the dark countertop. Two more navy blue towels hang over separate bars that sit next to the shower. There’s still droplets of condensation against the glass, likely from Niall’s shower earlier that morning. 

Y/N strips after she’s turned the shower on and found a happy medium between too warm and too cold. She kicks her shorts and bottoms to the corner of the room, closer to the laundry basket. Her top is flung in the same direction moments later. All the while, the sounds of her playlist bounce off the walls of the spacious bathroom. 

A soft sigh leaves her lips when the water hits her front. It’s enough of a temperature difference that her nipples pearl and to give her some relief from the high temperatures outside. Her sun kissed skin drinks the moisture as she allows it to wash over her for a prolonged period of time before she turns around. 

She reaches for the bottle of cherry blossom and citrus scented soap that lives on the middle left shelf of the tiled shower. Her other hand reaches for her own loofa that hangs from the shower handle. Once she’s put more than enough of the soap on it, it’s only a matter of seconds before it has begun to lather. Y/N hums along to Postpone by Catfish and the Bottlemen and she nods her head along with the beat. And she’s fully enraptured by the song until she’s reached between her thighs, the soap leaving a soapy lather that drips down her thighs as the water drips down from her back. Where she simply can’t help herself from switching the loofa from her dominant hand to the other.

The pads of her fingers dance over her already slick folds, gliding with ease as she teases herself. She reaches down to slide her middle finger from her entrance to her clit, letting it stay there and adding just a slight amount of pressure. Enough to heighten the stirring in her tummy, but that’s it. She teases herself for awhile. Eventually letting the loofa fall to the floor so that her other hand is free to roam her body. It eventually settles at the base of her throat and she applies just a slight amount of pressure. Her small hands aren’t as good as Niall’s, but they’ll do in the moment. Especially when she’s pushed two fingers inside herself after the images of Niall and her own teasing had become too much to bear.

Y/N is chasing her orgasm when Niall enters the bathroom after having called out for her just a few minutes before. He doesn’t need to see her form to know that either. Instead, her whimpers and occasional pants of his name can be heard loud and clear with the acoustics of the space. When he does look at her, though, it has his cock hardening in his shorts. Enough so that if she looked now, she could see the outline of it with only so much as a glance. But, she doesn’t. Her eyes are squeezed shut as one hand drops to cup her breast, a sure sign that she is close to the edge. Niall watches her as she continues to chase it, too. Her shoulders slouching forward slightly and his name like a mantra as it falls from her lips. She falls apart right before his eyes, unraveling at the seams as she cums. A final yelp of his name as her body quakes with her orgasm and her head lulls backward.

He allows her a moment to recoup and steady herself before he clears his throat. It still makes her jump, though. Which, Niall knew it would but it still pulls a strained chuckle from him.

“Fuck,” she mumbles, “You scared the shit out of me.”

It’s muffled by the sound of the shower and music, but Niall can still (just barely) make out what she is saying. “Sorry, love.” He replies, genuinely sorry that he had scared her so much.

Y/N takes in his half naked form from where she stands. Even with steam rising from the shower and blurring her vision slightly, she can see the outline of his cock. It only serves to make her even wetter. Something that she didn’t think was possible considering she can feel herself dripping down her thigh before it’s washed away by the water. “Got off thinking of you.” Y/N begins and she hopes Niall had been in the room to see what an absolute mess she was at the mere thought of him. A groan sounds from deep within Niall’s chest. Because even after all this time, the idea of her getting off to the thought of him was a nice ego boost. Plus, that thought alone was enough to have him muffling his own cries as he cums in the bunk of his tour bus when he’s been away from her for too long. Again, Y/N has hardly ever been good at being patient. So, when Niall is taking too long and absentmindedly palming at himself, she lets out a huff. She’d like to get her mouth around him, if he’d let her. Swallow all that he had to offer before they toweled off and settled in for the night. (Although, Y/N wouldn’t be opposed to another round once they’ve received their takeout). “Niall,” she whines, a pout setting on her lower lip.

“What is it that you want, love?” Niall raises a brow, his hand stroking across the length of himself as he looks at her.

And normally, Y/N is all about niceties. Even when Niall is nipping and sucking at her clit with three fingers buried inside her. Bringing her closer and closer to her climax, but not allowing her to cum just yet. When she’s frustrated to the point of tears because he could be so cruel and dominating when he wanted to be. She still repeats a series of thank you’s as she comes down from her orgasm. Too blissed and utterly fucked out to form any other words. “For you to let me suck you off.”

The statement is so simple and abrupt that it surprises Niall. His eyebrows shoot toward his hairline and he’s becoming almost painfully hard now. After that, he is quick to peel his only item of clothing off and step into the shower. The water alone could have him close to his own orgasm because it feels so damn good against his sunburnt skin. He can feel the heat radiate from his shoulders as he steps closer to Y/N, effectively putting them both beneath the large shower head.

Y/N glances up at him before trailing her eyes down to where the head of Niall’s cock is tinged pink and a light shade of purple. She bites her lip at the sight of him, eager to get her hands and mouth on him. So, she tears her eyes away to lock her gaze with him once again. He’s smirking at her when she does and takes a step closer until she can feel him pressing into her tummy. She isn’t sure if it’s the precum that has dribbled out of the slightly exposed tip or the moisture that has trapezed down both of their bodies to join together. It only takes a moment after that, that she is lowering herself to the ground. The tiles feel cool and hard against her knees, but she doesn’t mind. Not when she is eye level to Niall’s cock. From here, she can see the vein that travels up the side of it and just how much precum as bubbled up at the head. She looks up at Niall with a question and desperate look in her eyes. The doe-eyed expression makes her look too innocent to be doing such a thing, but it only excites Niall more. Especially knowing that she is more than capable of taking him in until he’s bottoming out and she’s gagging around him. “Go ahead.” Niall nods alongside his affirmation.

Y/N relinquishes her lip from the space between her teeth before parting them. He notices that it is plump and slick before it’s gone from his vision as she wraps her lips around him. His head falls back and his jaw slackens as she swirls her tongue over the tip before taking more of him into her mouth. Her small hand makes up for what her mouth can’t currently cover. And between her mouth on him and how her hand glides so easily across him, Niall can’t help but to let out a long fuck.

His eyes have fallen shut, so Y/N takes it as an opportunity to peek up at him from behind her lashes. And she’s glad she does because Niall looks like an absolute dream above her. Chocolate brown hair matted to his forehead, lashes just barely touching the apples of his cheeks, and body glistening with the water that is running down his body. She keeps watching him as she pulls off of him with a wet pop, allowing herself a moment to breathe. Her hand continues to pump up and down his length, twisting her wrist at the tip like she know he likes. He has one fist clenched at his side while his other hand is pressed to the wall beside her. His tongue darts out to lick over his lower lip and his chest has started to rise and fall with his quickening breaths.

With slight reluctance, she tears her gaze away from him. But, the feeling doesn’t stick once her lips are around him and she can feel the heavy weight of him on her tongue. Her hand holds him at the base, this time, as she slowly begins to build up a rhythm. She allows herself time to enjoy the taste of Niall on her tongue. It’s heady and salty, a familiar and somewhat pleasant taste to her. She alternates between self indulgent licks when she needs a moment to breathe and taking all of him until the tip of him touches the spongey back of her throat.

And it’s not long until Niall is ready to cum. The hand at his side is clenching and unclenching as if searching for purchase. Y/N notices it after Niall’s bucking his hips forward slightly, although he’s trying to control himself. And she knows he is teetering off the edge and into oblivion. So, she wraps her fingers around his wrist and brings it to the back of her head before placing them on his hips. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Niall repeats, each reiteration gaining volume. “I’m gonna cum, Y/N. I’m gonna cum.”

Y/N tightens her grip on his hips, keeping him in place as she takes him as deep as she can go. And that’s all Niall needed before he’s painting the back of her throat with his cum. Y/N swallows all of it with ease and pulls off of him. Though, she’s sure to run her tongue along his slit to collect any remaining cum before she glances up at Niall. Who, like her this morning, looks entirely fucked out. And she prides herself with being the reason that he looks as fucked out as he does. It’s from her position on the floor, as she drinks in his form, that she decides Niall doesn’t just look like an absolute dream. Because a dream isn’t accurate enough to describe the vision above her. She thinks fantasy might be a better way to describe him, but she can’t be sure. Because nothing seems accurate enough.

[flower-of-the-desert]

City of Bones Thoughts

So full disclosure, I came into this with hella low expectations and prepared for the worst thing I’ve ever read basically. Many of that is because of the comments I’ve seen from other people and if I’m being completely honest? I disagree with about 90% of the things I’ve seen them say about this book. So there’s that. My thoughts in no particular order are below, I’ll try to keep it brief since otherwise it’s gonna get sooo long (my notes ended up being 14 pages which I debated whether I should just post them or not but decided to just give a summed up version instead).

Overall, I enjoyed this book a whole lot more than I ever thought I would and I love that. I absolutely loved many things from world-building elements to character interactions and conflicts and resolutions and I’m definitely looking forward to the next ones.

1) I like the writing style; one thing I’ve always liked about CC’s books is that it’s easy to read them because the writing isnt some pretentious attempt at sounding smart, it’s simple and easy to understand and I very much enjoy that. And it’s actually a bit better than TID? which I didnt expect but in TID there were a lot - and I mean a lot - of repetitions and the same descriptions used a million times in like a page-two pages max which was kind of annoying and I thought it would be the same here but it wasnt which again, I enjoyed very much.

2) I like the basic idea of the plot, there was nothing super shocking about it, of course, since I’ve already watched the show but I like the idea of the whole hidden world, angels vs demons, warlocks, magic, vampires and werewolves and all that; I’ve said before and I’ll say again, one of my favourite - if not the favourite - things about these series is the universe that it created. It has some of my all time favourite tropes and world-building elements and it’s the first thing I fell in love with.

3) I like Hodge being the guy backstabbing the heroes and the foreshadowing of that; it was subtle enough that if I didnt know I wouldnt immediately realise it but if I reread the book or read it already knowing what he’ll do it’s super fun to pick up on the little clues.

4) I loved that we actually got a resolution to the Clary/Alec conflict - and a satisfactory one at that! I absolutely didnt expect there to be one but I adore that their big fight was properly addressed and they both handled it in a mature responsible way.

5) Speaking of the big fight - one of my favourite scenes of the book! And one of the things I strongly disgaree that it was So PrObLeMaTiC; I mean yes, both of them were wrong to act the way they did, absolutely, but like people arent always fucking perfect? Sometimes they do bad things, they lash out and hurt other people in a moment of high emotions, etc. It doesnt make them terrible people forever more (especially if they apologize and realise their mistakes, which both  Clary and Alec did). So in that repsect I fucking loved that scene - it was emotional, it was ugly but incredibly true to both characters and what they’ve been bottling up since the start of the story. And like I said, it had an actual resolution which makes it even better.

6) Another favourite scene - MAGNUS (is anyone surprised anymore). Every time Magnus was in a scene or was mentioned I might have definitely screamed. It be my brand. The scene where the gang goes to him for help is just amazing - everything about it; some many things going on, Magnus’s reluctance to help shadowhunters vs his fondness for Clary, Jace trying to blackmail him with the treath of the Clave like a typical shadowhunter, Alec’s quiet observations of Magnus and how he was the first and only one to not get upset with him and to assure him his past isnt his fault (also speaking of that, if Magnus shared his past with his step-father in this scene then doesnt that create a slight plot hole with TRSOM where he shares the same story with Alec? Although I assumed this was the first time Alec was hearing it but I dont think anything indicated this int he scene itself? Also Magnus was very brief here and didnt go into details so that could also be a reason). Magnus’s struggle to express to Clary that different doesnt always mean better and also how upset he got with the implication that he might have done something to “break” her when all he’s ever wanted was to help - I love him so damn much. Also I love love how utterly unimpressed he is with shadowhunters still and how badass bossy he is and how he still managed to slip in some knock-downs on the Clave and shadowhunters by reminding Clary she isnt better than the rest of them.

7) “Keep it in your pants, shadowhunter” only a true King(TM) can open his introduction scene like this.

Also “Not for free, darling, and you cant afford me” -  BEST LINE OF THE WHOLE BOOK

8) Magnus throwing a birthday party for his cat - ❤️❤️❤️

9) Another scene I love and I think it did a great job of setting up both characters is the convo bw Alec and Isabelle while Clary is unconscious - I made a seperate post just about that because I liked it that much but basically I love that we see Isabelle being rather judgemental while Alec - the gay shadowhunter living in a unaccepting society is the one that seems to be missing that quality and comes to the defence of people more often than not.

10) Speaking of Alec, I really really like him so far; he’s sweet and clever and sarcastic in a different way than Jace and apparently has the one brain cell of the whole Institute 99% of the time (the other 1% is when  Church has it) which is just a perfect recipe for a favourite character in my dictionary. I hope I keep liking him because after three seasons of wanting to punch show!Alec in the face, I really need this. Another agrument I disagree with comes with Alec’s fighting skills and people saying CC made her gay character deliberately weak... but like the narrative explicitly points out several times that Alec hasnt killed a demon yet not because he’s weak but because he focused on watching Jace and Izzy’s backs and using more defensive tactics rather than offensive. And then in the fight with Abbadon all of them are shown to be shaking in fear and basically useless against the demon, not only Alec. Jace - the golden hero - cant do anything either so I fail to see this as a slight against Alec. The fact that Isabelle and Jace arent dead yet should be proof enough that Alec is good at his job.

11) people getting called out for doing/saying shitty things at various points - I love that song

12) there’s a lot more self-awareness than I originally anticipated.

13) “You need to know someone to love them” - book!Alec be speaking from my soul

14) I liked rat!Simon 100% more than human!Simon and that should tell you all you need to know about my feelings about him.

15) the finale scene between Clary, Luke, Jace and Valentine - I loved that. Although I knew what would happen it still gripped me in a way I didnt expect and I was practically on the edge of my seat. The way Jace struggled with his feeling for his father, Clary trying to break him out of it, Luke and Valentine facing off - there was so much emotion going on and characters pushing each other and interacting in meaningful ways and arh, I loved it.

16) Jace’s portrayl as an abuse victim makes so much sense like every word and action makes sense given his backstory and it really makes me feel for him... except that one scene where he manipulates Alec into coming with them when he didnt want to by hitting on his insecurities. That was one thing I wished had also been addressed in the end.

17) Things I didnt enjoy - the girl hate between Clary and Isabelle and Simon’s nice guy bullshit. Both can kindly fuck off. Those are probably my biggest complains in this book which I hope with that ending we’re going to fix at least the first issue.

[skaian-fiddler]

State of the Webcomic

Im not sure what I wanted this to be when I started writing it. I know that as of late, Homestuck, in terms of its fanbase and its surrounding politics, has been pretty bleak. And I know that it feels like there arent alot of us left that care anymore. So I guess this is going to be something of a chronicle of the comic, and its involvement in my own experience. If youre just here for classpecting memes, feel free to totally disregard this. Otherwise… strap the fuck in I guess? Theres a nonzero amount of words about to come at you. For this 4/13, this is my account of Homestuck.

On April 13th, 2009, some guy with a shitty url published the first page of an indie webcomic. As I have come to understand, this fact would eventually become something of a ‘big deal’. At the time, however, it was not. I wouldnt be aware of its existence for quite some time.

Some years passed, and people started learning that this weird thing existed. The webcomic had survived through its fledgeling stages, and had managed to gain enough momentum and a fanbase large enough to keep above the surface and on peoples radar. At this stage, the only thing I knew about the webcomic was a single word, whispered in hushed tones: “Homestuck.” A few more years passed and the fandom began to grow steadily in proportion to a roster of increasingly convoluted characters, as well as the hair-brained complexity of the comics plot.

And then, Cascade.

I heard rumor of a webcomic that went off so huge that it fucking broke Newgrounds. Suddenly the fandom was omnipresent, and potentially out of control. From what ive picked up, it was a pretty rad time to be a nerd. “Somewhere, a soused uncle deliberately shatters china on the floor. Muddy livestock is decorated, and then lost track of. The question ‘Who's mule is this?’ at times can be heard over the din. This is now your reality.”

But, as much as I was starting to learn exactly what Homestuck was, I was hearing equally as much in terms of negativity about its fandom. Of their overwhelming presence during conventions, their reputation for immaturity, the torrents of unsealed gray face paint flooding the lobbies of unsuspecting hotels. So, I stayed away. This was like, late middle school for me, and there was no way in hell I was going to risk putting my image-obsessed ass on the line for a bunch of rainbow blooded zodiac alien shitlords and their apocalyptic tendencies. So, I stayed away.

It really was the first time something pop culture had ever gotten this big. Openbound hit, and it got bigger? Somehow? More trolls? Jesus christ. The fandom kept growing at an exponential rate, faster than people could process it, and so much so that nobody else knew how to handle it.

And then it… stopped.

The Gigapause, I think it was called. At the height of their power, the fandom was left with nothing, no new content to grab hold of, no new development to fuel their fan works, no anything. The fandom starts to lose speed. A spot of hope happens, during act 6 and is subsequently dashed against the rocks below as the Omegapause kicks in. I wasnt paying attention. I was busy, there was work to be done trying to get into college.

And just as suddenly as it had come, it was gone. The webcomic concluded in a way that implied that not only the readers, but the fictional characters themselves were freed from the scope and size of their own work. Anyone still reading watched Collide, in what I can only imagine to be 20 minutes of pure catharsis. The fandom got hit with Act 7, and that was it.

This whole time, that entire span of that seven years, nobody had ever ‘told me about Homestuck.’  Until, about a year after it ended, a friend of mine told me that the way I talk reminded them of a character called Karkat (after what Im assuming was a fairly aggressive bitch fest about something or other). Upon my asking what in the fuck kind of name Karkat is, they nostalgically smiled, and asked me if I had ever read a certain webcomic.

We went back to my dorm and they pulled it up on my computer. We read for a couple hours. I didnt think too much of it, but it was amusing enough. I put it away, and forgot about it until one lazy day like month later. And then I think it was Rose dropping a bathtub in Johns hallway that sealed the deal. I dont think I have to tell anyone following a fucking classpect blog about how addicting reading Homestuck is. I got really into the classpect system, as you can see. Im damn near constantly nerding out about videogame-esque class systems and personality studies, and I thought Homestuck’s god tier system was so fucking creative and interesting. And the music, holy shit. A flash webcomic? With LEITMOTIFS?!?

I eventually figured out that thinking Homestuck is cool in 2018 was… lonely. The people that still were fans of the comic enjoyed it in hushed tones, and in shame. It was sad, in ways. A part of me wished that I had gotten to experience it at its peak. I am not one such member of this fandom that has existed when the work was in its primordial stages, and I do not for one second claim to have been at the apex of the movement.

So what does this shitty history lesson good for anyway, right? What does it all mean? It has been nine years to the day, this 4/13, and Hiveswap is the only thing from keeping what was once considered a monumental aspect of pop culture from fading into complete obscurity. I am hopeful of the future of Homestuck, but I cannot help but also feel that one day, in the near future, it will be lost to time. And so, here we are today. I walk amongst the bones of the sun-bleached empire that used to be Homestuck. Not many people live here anymore. One day, it might be empty. One day, it might be that nobody remembers it at all.

But not as long as you are here, reading horseshit like this rant. Not as long as someone is drawing shitty fan art of the Mayor, not as long as someone is shamelessly jamming out on the bus to Sburban Jungle, and not as long as someone out there who cant think of the word ‘Pisces’ without instinctively associating it with the color fuschia. Humanitys drive to build things, to create, is rooted in an effort to outlast their own lifespan. And the same is true for this thing that we have all come to love (hate?), and for all of the thousands of people that have found some connection with each other over a common bond. I know that this whole rant has had some serious cringe potential, but know this, you bunch of nerds: As long as you are out there, reading, enjoying, then the fandom is still alive and well. And better yet? You arent alone.

Happy 4/13, kids.

“I keep having these dreams. Great empty cities, silent roads stretching for miles. The Earth from space, all dark. Not a single light to guide me home. But if someone really came from another world, what would the Earth look like to them? A wilderness? A wasteland? I don't think so. Even after thousands of years they’d see a world shaped by our hand in every aspect of its being. They'd see the cities and the roads; the bridges, the harbors. And they would say: Here lived a race of giants.”

-Acclaimed Actor and Sleeping Prophet, Charles Dutton

-Alexandra Drennan, The Talos Principle