#so im going to add a bunch of shit so it hides the tags

[beepathan]

ahhh ahhh

[p---ink]

Stark Contrasts: Chapter Two

Author’s Note: Hey guys, an anon asked for angst, so I gave them a bunch of drama with this chapter. Though I personally wouldn’t classify this as angst, im gonna tag it that way. I think angst is more like a story with a depressing tone, but this is more so dramatic if anything.  But don’t worry I sprinkled in a bit of fluff and some smut to lighten it up a bit. This is a sequel to Stark Contrasts, which I recommend reading first in order to get a background of what led to this chapter. Caution, I used google translate, to add in some French. If any French readers find it offensive or wrong, let me know so I can take it out or edit it. I really hope you enjoy reading this chapter, it took me over a week to write due to writer’s block, but I am pretty happy with the outcome. Once again PLEASE DON’T REPOST MY WORK! 

Summary: Edward Stark realizes the errors of his ways towards the reader, and tries to woo her in order to save their relationship.

Warnings: Smut, Angst, cheating, age gap, daddy kink, etc. 

Song: From Eden by Hozier for the first half, and Run by Hozier for the second. 

Word Count: 11.2k.

Parts: one | two | three | four | five

Chapter Title: Daddy Issues. 

So much had changed since your night with Tony. For one, the entire dynamics of your relationship. Long gone were the unsure lovers with unresolved sexual tension. You two were more confident in your affections now, and this made you reach a new level of comfort within each other and within yourselves. Through the eyes of a stranger, the description would be that of an old—in love, married couple. 

Though he was much older, you were the more mature one. Tony enjoyed doing things just to annoy you. He found your irritation both adorable and sexy. You would get so pouty, and your voice would go up at least three octaves. If he really did his job right, you would end up banging your small fists against his chest, which he thought was the cutest shit in the world. He took pleasure in poking the sides of your stomach, when you were performing tasks that took your attention away from him. “Kitten,” he’d whine when you were entranced in a book, “put that down, and come and play with me.” Then he would lay his head in your lap and talk about absolutely nothing until you noticed him. He only ever drew the line in his endeavors when you were studying. He preferred his head attached to his neck, rather than rolling on the ground. 

Besides always trying to piss you off, he religiously spoiled you rotten. That extravagant lace pale blue body con dress that you saw in your favorite shop? Better believe you’d find it on your bed the next day after Edward left for work and you were getting ready for classes. He would place expensive Cartier bracelets around your breakfast muffins, and bvlgari necklaces around the necks of gifted stuffed animals. He loved buying you luxurious gifts, ranging from earrings to bags. But besides your pleading for him to stop, he knew you struggled to find ways to hide it. If he happened to notice it, explaining to Edward where you got the money to pay for diamond encrusted rings would prove difficult. You were only able to wear your shiny new gifts when you were out with Tony; he found other ways to spoil you however. There were many days, where you had nothing planned, and he’d surprise you with a day at the spa, or a night on the sky in his private helicopter. If it had been up to him, everyone in the world would know you were his, but he just couldn’t risk being seen with you. Because of this fact, he had to become creative with the ways he treated you. From the rooftop dates in secluded towns to the lavish wine tastings alone in Napa, you had experienced more with Tony than you had in your entire life. When he could arrange bullshit business events for Edward to attend, he gave you bullshit reasons to fly with him to Paris, Italy, Greece, and everywhere in between. While Edward had his trips, the two of you had your own. 

Of course you always felt it was too much when he would do all of this. However, no matter how much you begged him to stop spending money on you, he never listened; it was like second nature for him to give you the world and more. He felt it necessary for someone he believed created the moon and stars. 

Most who knew him closely thought he was an asshole. He would often over-talk, dismiss, and challenge others. They always pinpointed on his shortcomings, forgetting that he was a good man in the process. He was a genius billionaire philanthropist, for fuck-sake, who many a time sacrificed his own desires for the wellbeing of others. This is why he always felt guilty. The one thing he kept to himself, the one thing he was not willing to give up, was you, even though you belonged to someone else. 

He just wouldn’t give you up though. Tony adored you. When the rest of the world felt like pollution in his lungs, you were his breath of fresh air. He was intoxicated by you. Enamored in your existence. He saw you as perfect which he knew was impossible in a world full of imperfections. 

He became obsessed with your hair, curious as to how it could defy gravity some days, then dance on your shoulders the next. He needed to know the secret on why the sun resided in your skin, giving it a mahogany glow, with golden undertones.  Your soft full lips, coffee-colored with a tint of pink, were his eternal bliss. It didn’t matter if you smelled of his sex the morning after or if your tired eyes were baggy from a night of studying, he knew you were the most beautiful person he laid eyes on. It was just as simple as that.

Tony wasn’t the only one to change. One could argue you became more bold. Where he showed his love through gifts and adoration, you showed yours through care and touch. “Tony, you’re working too hard. Come to bed now," you’d urge when you’d find him in his study hunched over a stack of papers at his desk. If he had too much on his hands, you would happily take over to help him get done sooner. You were surprisingly stubborn, and would stand firm in your attempts to get him to take care of himself. Though Tony loved annoying you, he hated when you were worried. If he was sick, you’d drop everything to tend to his needs. Whether it was making homemade soup, or driving halfway across town to get a specific type of medicine; you would do it for him no hesitation. It got the point that whenever he wasn’t feeling well, he tried to hide it. In a way being ill made him feel insecure and old. You couldn’t give a shit about those silly worries of his though, because if he needed to be taken care of, that’s what would happen. When nameless idiots over the internet spoke bad on his name, you were the first to draw your sword to defend him. You could never tell him that, but the screen name Tonysbitch99 wasn’t really fooling anyone; how could it when the anonymous face behind the name would say exactly what you would? To you, your love felt minuscule in comparison to his. It’s the reason you hated when he spoiled you. Tony however, appreciated your gestures, and felt that he was the one that was lacking. In reality your love language complemented each other perfectly. His love for you was loud and vocal, whereas yours moved silently. He needed you to ground him, while you needed him to drown out any shadow of a doubt that his actions were genuine. Besides, what could you possibly do for a man that had everything in the world?

Among other things that were now different was the constant sex. You two fucked like rabbits. He once cleared out an entire store just so he could fuck you in your dressing room. Your favorite times were when he didn’t clear the store at all. “Daddy, someone might hear us” you’d moan into his skin while he thrusted into you against a wall. “I want them to.” He would counter, before picking up the pace to build your reaction. On the way home from dining out, you would often ride him in the backseat of his car, the two of you clawing at each others skin desperate to get closer. When you just couldn’t wait to get home from your outings, he would start fingering you underneath the restaurant table while whispering sweet-nothings into your ear; this usually resulted into you getting dragged to the nearest bathroom stall. On nights where Edward was home, he would come up with any excuse to get you alone so he could bury himself into you. The two of you were playing a dangerous game, but Tony was an addict and he didn’t plan on stopping any time soon. 

Perhaps the person to change the most though, was Edward. Whether it was because he learned to work hard for the things he desired in life, or the fact that said things could be taken away from him in an instant, he was changing. Most importantly, he saw that you were changing. Tony and you may have thought him to be a self-absorbed idiot, but he saw the fading love marks that littered your neck. He saw the expensive shopping bags filled with shoes and high-end lace, carefully tucked away in your shared closet as if it was meant to be hidden. The new housekeeper bought your hand-stitched lingerie in with the laundry, smiling to him relishing in how lucky he was. But you didn’t wear that for him. He saw the way you bounced around without a care in the world, even though he had not done right by you for the entirety of your relationship. Who was all of this for? Whose texts were you chuckling at while you laid in bed so late at night? Whose scent was embedded in your bedroom sheets? Whose hickeys bruised the surface of your skin? Who was all of this for? 

It was true that he was somewhat of a different man now. Edward in the past would have accused you of being the biggest slut in the world. This Edward however, knew that he had no room for anger. He had absolutely no room for judgement. He had cheated on you since the genesis of it all. That didn’t change the fact that he loved you. He meant it when he said you were his forever girl, and that you were the best thing to ever happen to him. How could he be so foolish and let you give his love away?

“Dad,” he started, looking up to observe the older man. He and Tony were currently sitting opposite in their breakfast nook. Tony with his legs folded, newspaper in hand, orange juice in the other, hadn’t even looked up to acknowledge him. All that could be heard was a barely audible “Hmm?” 

“I think maybe I need some time off from the company” He stated.

Expecting his father to just be okay with that, he was slightly taken aback when Tony replied, “Why is that?” briefly meeting his eyes before returning to the words on his paper. 

“Well, its actually about Y/N” at this, he had his full attention. 

“What’s wrong with Y/N? Is she sick?” Slight panic dripping in his words.

“Well no but…” he began, trying to find the words to say. 

“But what Edward? Use your words, kid!” He demanded, tone a few notes away from a shout. He saw the surprise in his son’s face, so he straightened himself and said “Sorry. It's just you know how close we are. She’s my best friend.” He wanted to say you were his girlfriend, but best friend reigned true as well. 

“Well,” Edward began again “Our relationship is in shambles. I’m pretty sure she’s cheating on me and I don’t want to lose her. She might be the only woman who’s gonna put up with my shit. And I know she’s genuine because she doesn’t ask for my money. I feel like if I’m here more, I have a chance of rekindling our connection” Edward stated, confiding in his father, hoping to find some sense of relief. He hadn’t realized how hurt he was. Is this how he made you feel? Tony almost felt guilty. But protectiveness over you soon clouded his sense of remorse. Who was he to try and take you away from him? 

He examined his son. The younger boy looked like he hit copy paste on his mother’s genes. They shared the same facial features, down to her high cheek bones, only Edward had raven black hair and dark brown eyes. He was more compared to Robert Pattinson than he was to his own father, even though he looked nothing like either of them. Man, genes were a funny thing. 

Tony thought about his words. It was true that you were humble and any other woman with an ounce of self-respect would have hit the door running the minute they found out how sleazy Edward had been. You almost did, until you met his father.

He put down his newspaper, turned to Edward and took in a sharp breath before saying, “She is taken care of, so you have nothing to worry about. There isn’t any unknown man coming in from off the street sniffing around your woman.” Tony chose his words carefully. They were cautiously crafted so that he technically told the truth. He was many things, but he hated to be called a liar. 

He read the uncertainty in Edward’s face, then continued his case. “In all honesty, Ed, you know I need you at your desk. You wanted this, are you really gonna let your insecurities get in the way of that? If so, maybe I should find someone better to take your—” 

Quickly interrupting his rambles, “No dad, listen. I don’t want to give up my seat. I’ll just have to find some other way to solve our issues.” 

“Exactly what issues do you have?” Tony pressed, eyebrows knitting together. 

“Don’t ask me how I know, but she’s cheating on me. I’m sure of it.” He confirmed, staring blankly into his father’s eyes. What does know? Tony thought to himself. Does he know it’s me? “Besides why are you getting so defensive?” Edward challenged. “It almost sounds as if you’re mad.”

“It’s just I know what kind of girl she is.” He defended, throwing his hands up and sitting back in his seat a bit. “She wouldn’t cheat on the man she loves. And I’m sure she cares about what you think.” Taking in his words after a moment, Edward chuckled to himself. His dad was right, you had to care about him. Why else would you still be here despite how much he had put you through. 

“Thanks dad. I think I was worried about nothing for a second there.” In the back of his mind, he still knew you were sleeping around, but now he was certain that it was all done as a cry for help. You just wanted his attention. He felt silly. He smiled to himself, then to his father. Tony returned a weak smile; the rest of his face couldn’t fake the empty sentiment. Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, you came in to distract them. You came bounding down the staircase on your way to make some breakfast before your trek to school. Both of the men instantly averted their attention away from each other, to instead lay it onto you. 

It was a cool fall day, so you were wearing a cropped white turtleneck that you paired with a pleated floral skirt. Long tan thigh high boots hugged your brown legs in just the right way, and you wore a simple (but expensive) necklace that Tony purchased for you. You used to care, but now you thought nothing of it since you knew Edward never paid any attention to you. Today happened to be one of those days that you were wrong. While Edward silently fumed over your choice of jewelry, Tony thought of new ways to violate you. With your consent, of course. 

Focused on the iPad in your hands, you failed to notice anyone else in the room until you heard the creak of a wooden chair. Looking up from your device, you were greeted by the men of the house eyeing you meticulously. “Oh sorry. Good morning” you smile, shy from the sudden attention.

“Good morning sweetheart” “–Morning babe.” Tony and Edward say simultaneously, surprising each other, and surprising you. As they say it,  their necks snap towards each other for just a second and their expressions match; furrowed brows and clenched jaws. Your eyes widen for a second before you continue on with your business. 

Before swallowing the awkward silence, Tony begins, “You’re down here pretty early. Do you have something important to do?” 

“I don’t have anything planned, I just wanted to wake up early to get some things done before class.” You returned, searching the cupboards.  

Upon hearing your plans to do nothing, Edward sparked up an idea. He cleared his throat, and rose from his seat to hesitantly trudge over to you. At the moment, you were standing on your toes trying to reach your favorite coffee mug in the top of the cupboard. Tony always placed it there to watch you struggle, just like he was doing right now. While taking pleasure in how cute you looked bouncing up and down, he hadn’t noticed Edward leave from his seat until he blocked his view. He shadowed your form to place a hand over yours bringing down your mug. Slightly startled, by his touch, you dropped it. It fell into his hand before it could shatter on the floor. “I’m sorry for scaring you.” He chortled, turning his lips into his famous sexy grin. It did nothing but repulse you. 

“Its fine.” As you take your mug and turn away from him to pour your coffee, Edward wraps his hands around your hips to turn your body towards him. You were now facing Tony, but even if you weren’t you would be able to sense the daggers he was throwing into Edward’s back. His orange juice glass was on the verge of shattering, and the wood on the table threatened to splinter his fingers, from the grip he had on it. He wasn’t supposed to touch you. 

“So I was thinking” Edward began, dragging his thoughts out. “Since you don’t have any plans, I’m taking you out tonight.” You mentally cursed yourself for going into detail about your day in front of him. Mouth agape in utter disgust, you were at a loss for words. Tony could think of a few he wanted to say; however, but he stayed silent. Edward took your silence as surprise. In his eyes, you were happy to finally be spending some time with him. Everyone just stared at each other. Edward at you, you at Edward, and Tony back and forth between the both of you. “I can tell you’re happy.” His hands began to roam up and down your sides as he spoke. He drew a line up your spine, and pressed his lips to your ear before whispering, “Make sure to wear something sexy—”

“Edward sweetie, as the boss, don’t you think you should be at work bright and early.” Tony advised. Saving both you, and Edward. He worked very hard to ensure his words didn’t fall through gritted teeth.

Without taking his eyes off of you, Edward rolled them and smirked at you, as if you too were frustrated with Tony for cock-blocking. He quickly pecked your lips and went to grab his workbag. Your eyes followed his movement about the room. Just before exiting the house, he turned back to you to say “Be ready at seven” and then he turned the knob to leave.  

You, Tony, and silence were all alone together. You didn’t dare look at him, but the side of your face was burning from the glare he had on it. Acting as if nothing happened, you turn back around to prepare your day.  

Still staring in your direction, it was now Tony’s turn to get up. He leaped from his seat to take long strides towards you. He stopped just short of where you were standing, waiting for you to acknowledge him. You tried to busy your hands with your current task, cracking eggs into a bowl, waiting for him to break the silence; he was waiting for you to do the same. The sound of egg yolks hitting the surface of the bowl, followed by the stirring of a whisk were the only noises to be heard in the kitchen. 

“Yes, my love?” You ask after a few moments, the quiet becoming too unbearable. 

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” He replied, eyes boring into the side of your head. 

“Tony what are you talking about. I’m busy.” You sigh, growing annoyed. 

“Well fine, if you won’t look me in the eyes, can you at least answer me this? What. The Fuck. Was That?” He asked, soaking his words in drama. He placed his hand flat onto the counter awaiting an answer.

“I honestly don’t know.” You answer truthfully, still whisking your eggs. 

“Well did you two make up?” Tony pressed.

“No, I guess—”

“Well then why did he kiss you?”

“Tony, I don’t know wh—”

“Well then why don’t you know?”

“Could you let me finish!” You shouted before giving him your undivided attention. Your outburst both surprised and shut him up. “I don’t know why he kissed me. I don’t know why he asked me out on a date. We did not make up, because as usual we don’t say a word to each other. Fucking hell, this has been the first time in a year since we’ve been in the same room for longer than a minute, besides when we’re asleep.” You end your rant with this “All that I know is this, I don’t care. I’m not going on that date because I would rather spend the night with you. To be completely frank, I think I’d rather spend the night in a closet with murderous clowns, than go on a date with your shitty son.” With that, you walk away to aggressively click on the stove to begin cooking your breakfast. 

“Well,” Tony began, only slightly taken aback. “I know he’s shitty, but you didn’t have to say it. He is still my son, so I’m the only one who reserves the right to call him a shitty.” He chuckled, leaning opposite to you against the counter, looking down to observe your actions. 

“And to that I say, when you do a piss-poor job at raising a man to respect women, then anyone reserves the right to call them shitty.” You comment, meeting his eyes with a small smile before turning back to your  cooking. 

Tony smirked at your remark. “Blame his mom, because I’m a total feminist.” He grasped your chin to turn it towards him, bringing his face down to kiss yours before abruptly stopping. He took a paper towel from the bar, and began wiping your lips, earning a glare from you, that soon turned into a fit of laughter. His smirk only grew wider at his successful attempt to diminish your anger. 

“You make me sick.” You roared, calming down from your fit, before wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in for a deep kiss. When you were ready to let go, Tony wasn’t. Ignoring his needy looks, you turned back around to your task at hand. Like that, the mood changed from light-hearted, to serious in an instant. Unsatisfied, Tony moved from his spot at the counter to wrap his arms around your middle, pulling you flush against his chest. 

“You know I could get used to you yelling at me. It really turns me on” he said, rocking from side to side which made you sway in his arms. 

“Babe.”

“Hmm.” He hummed, rubbing a finger down your spine the same way Edward did earlier, only this time instead of chills and shivers, you felt warm tingles. 

Not now.” You warned, already knowing where this was going. He pushed a bang behind your ear to admire your neck.

“Why not. Can’t you skip school for just one day?” Tony responds, fanning his lips over your ear.

“ No. No I cannot.” You reply, trying to overlook the kisses he planted against your neckline, and the traveling hands against your curves. 

“Then just be a little late.” He said, palming your chest, taking his time to massage the fleshy mounds. You lose your composure as he brings a hand down your sternum to dip underneath your skirt. You both groaned, him at how wet you were, and you at how good his hands felt. “Besides I know you wanna stay a little longer.” His voice was shaky and husky, and he was about to snap, which made your knees like jelly. 

“Tony, please.” You were going for stern, but your demands came out in labored pants. You felt his hardened member pressed against your ass and back, and you knew if you didn’t stop him now, there was no way you were leaving the house any time soon. You unfastened his hands from your waist, and pushed him away from you before continuing your cooking. You cleared your throat to say “Maybe later.”

Seemingly defeated, Tony started with a sigh “Fine. No more teasing. But I’m hungry.” 

“I have time to make you some French toast or pancakes.” You respond, placing your cooked breakfast on a plate and turning the stove off. 

“I think I’ll have you instead.” He says, before planting one more kiss beneath your ear.

“No thanks love.” You chuckle. 

“I wasn’t asking,” he retorted, before hoisting you up by your knees and placing you on the island away from the stove. You laugh in the process, knowing that this was inevitable. Upon sitting you down, his lips were on yours in an instant. Hurried sloppy kisses, covered your mouth and jaw as he explored your body with his fingers. As he traced his the index along your collarbone he realized he found new things to worship every time. His lips were hot and wet on your skin, both burning and soothing everything in their path. Breaking the kiss for just a moment, he brushed passed your shoulder  to push everything that was on the kitchen-top’s surface to the ground. 

“You’re cleaning that up this time.” You exhaled, before grabbing his face to bite his bottom lip, something you knew drove him crazy. 

“Fuck it princess, it’s worth it.” He groaned, before roughly pushing you down, while being careful enough to not injure your head. He reached up your thighs and under your skirt, to pull your panties down your legs and over your boots. 

“Let me take these off” you suggest, lifting the band to your shoes, but he raised his hand up to stop you, eyeing you through his tousled brown locks. 

“I like them on.” He pressed a gentle kiss against your exposed skin, before saying “I’m keeping these by the way.” in reference to your lacy black underwear, before stuffing them in his back pocket. He bent down to pepper love-marks along each leg before lifting your skirt to place a soft kiss against your entrance. There was no time for him to be a tease, so he quickly dived his tongue between your folds, and he began writing his full name into your lips. The name Anthony Edward Stark felt both long and short, as it was being etched into your core. Shocks of what felt like electricity rippled through your spine, as your pussy purred to his beckoning. You were a fucking mess. He let a string of spit fall from his lips and onto yours, before flattening his tongue to gather the mixture, slurping and suckling in the process . Your eyes started to roll to the back of your head, until Tony pinched your clit. This became his favorite signal for you to give him your attention, the jolt always conflicted your pain and pleasure receptors. You loved and hated eye contact. That feeling of vulnerability sent your mind into a frenzy. But Tony refused to let you look away; he was obsessed with the way your face looked when you came undone. He began making the lewdest sounds against your cunt, tonguing it in the same way he’d do your mouth. You made a mess of his face. Your juices were dripping down your folds and in between your cheeks; what his tongue didn’t catch spilled onto the island. With his face buried in your box, his nose would lightly brush your clit, sending you straight into ecstasy. 

You slightly squeezed around his head, only to have him pry your legs open. His tongue fucked your hole, making you clench around it.  You were already so close, but Tony wanted this to last—that way, you’d be bursting at the seems by the time he was finished with you. “Someone wants to be fucked senseless, doesn’t she?” He asked as he raised up, licking his lips. Smirking down at you, he lifted your sweater up to your chin, in order reveal your happy breasts. He then pulled your bra under them to get a full view of the spread.  

Dragging you closer to the edge, he massaged his fingers into your pussy, running them through your lips, while watching you squirm underneath his touch. He placed a hand between your thigh, kneading the immediate area with his thumb. He was enjoying the view, but knew that he only had a few minutes left; so, he pulled his pants down, coated his length with the hand he previously used to massage you with, and sunk into you no warning. 

You took in a sharp breath, tears welling in your eyes and chest rising and falling. As many times as you had been with him, you still weren’t used to his size. “Shit, kitten. I’m sorry, I thought you were ready for me” he swore, grunting at the feel of you. Despite the overwhelming pleasure, he wouldn’t move until you said it was okay. 

When the pain subsided pleasure quickly took over. You looked him in his eyes to say “Please wreck me baby.” He crooked his neck to look at you sideways for a second as if to ask ‘are you sure?’, dick twitching inside of it. You were more than sure. Then, before you were able to comprehend he snapped his hips forward, drilling into you at a brutal pace. Your moans and pants turned into screams, and you braced your hands against his abs. He grabbed your wrists to steady himself, so that he could thrust deeper into you. He loved this shit. The way your chest bounced. Your broken moans and cries. Even the expressions you wore, were enough to spur him on. 

“I can do this all day!” He growled, relentlessly hammering into you. He thought your tight little cunt was euphoria. At this point you felt like he was in your stomach, threatening to go further. You felt your dam about to break once more, but he was a step ahead of you. 

He sat you up and pulled you off the counter, quickly turning you around, ridding you of your orgasm again. Frustrated, you wiggled your ass, and pressed it against him, desperate for his touch. This earned you a harsh slap against the cheek. “Don’t play that game with me, unless you don’t wanna walk for a week” he warned before digging his nails into your skin. Within a second after that, his cock vanished behind your walls, instantly hitting your g-spot. You yelped throwing your hands back to cushion the slaps between his thighs and your own. Tony grabbed them, and like before,  used them to pull you back onto him. “No, no princess. Take all of me baby. I want you to feel it all.” He growled, slamming his frustrations into you. The cabinet doors below you were shaking from the impact of your thighs. Your nipples, slid across the cool countertops as Tony stroked in and out you. You laid your head down on the counter, strength leaving you as he rocked you back and forth.

To reach a better angle, he grabbed one of your knees, lifting it to lay beside your hip against the counter. He then leaned over, so that your back was against his chest. “This pussy is mine, do you understand?”

“Yes daddy.” You whimper. 

“I’m sorry what was that?” He challenges, grabbing a fistful of curls to yank, lifting you both back up.

“I said yes daddy” you shout, approaching your orgasm once more. 

Tony roughly grabs your chin to turn it towards him, pressing his forehead against yours. “I can tell you’re close princess. I can feel you getting tighter around me. But good girls always ask before they cum. Beg for it.” He whispered. 

You knew he wasn’t joking, but you wore your worried expression on your face. “Don’t be shy kitten. It’s just you and me.” He assured, lightly kissing your lips as he spoke. 

“Please let me cum Tony.” 

“Do you think you deserve to?” He questioned, suddenly ticked off from Edward’s bold gestures earlier. His lips ghosted over yours and he began slowing his moments, to really pound himself into your core. “You’re a filthy little slut for letting another man touch you.” On any other occasion, his words would have pissed you off, but in this moment they just made you wetter. 

“I only want you to touch me daddy, I’m sorry” You whine, throwing your ass back onto his cock, determined to take your orgasm, but wary of the consequences if you do. 

He gripped your neck with one hand, and grabbed a tit with the other. He fondled and massaged the breast, while applying pressure with the hand on your neck. He places his face to the side of yours, chin hairs tickling your cheek.“Do you promise to never let that happen again? Hmm?’” He presses, squeezing your breast and tweaking your nipple. All of this was happening while he was continuing his movements in and out of you.

“I promise baby, please just let me cum.” You screamed. You were losing your composure, and your vision was becoming blurry from tears. He had denied you one too many times, and you didn’t know if you could hang on any longer. You were pleading with him at this point. 

“Cum” was all he said, as you coated his dick in your juices. Tony followed you not a second after, shooting his load up, feeling it come oozing down his member. He bit into your shoulder-blade to suppress his moans. You however lets yours come out in an almost embarrassing shriek. You had no shame though, Tony had brung you out of your shell many, many orgasms ago. 

Now a sweaty mess, he unsheathed himself, and leaned down to place a kiss on your back before readjusting your sweater and skirt. He then turned to readjust himself. 

“I know you’re gonna hate what I am about to say,” he warned, buckling his belt and bracing himself for your reaction, “but you should go on the date.”

“What, why?” You questioned, turning to face him, confused by his suggestion. Was he tired of this? Was he tired of you?

“I just don’t want this to end. So…to not raise any suspicion, you should go out, and have fun.” He stated before averting his gaze. He clearly didn’t want you to, but he knew you needed to. 

“Tony I’m not going.” You stated, fixing your hair and walking away to collect your items for school. “He didn’t even ask me, he told me. So I don’t want to do this.” You pout. 

Trailing behind you slowly, he asked this question “So if he had asked you, would you have been more willing to go.” You were kneeling down to adjust the straps on your school bag at the moment, but you stopped to survey him. His hands were buried in his pockets, and his shoulders were squared. He wasn’t the usual sure of himself cocky man you’d come to know, for a minute he seemed insecure. 

“Tony, I wouldn’t want to go period.” You confirmed, raising up to stand at his level. You unplanted his hands from his pockets, and clasped them to your own, stroking his knuckles. 

“Sweetheart,” he started. He let go of your hands to so that he could cup your cheeks. “I think you have to baby.”

“Ugh.” You loudly scoffed, letting his hands go to walk back into the kitchen and grab your breakfast. Your eggs were cold now, so you searched for an apple and a granola bar instead,  as Tony continued his case. 

“Listen, Edward knows about us. Well, not us specifically, but he knows you’re with someone. Without him, there is relatively no reason for us to continue…us. It would look bad if we still remained close with each other if your relationship with him ended.”

“Tony I’ve been living here for over a year now. I think it would be even weirder if I just cut off ties with you completely” you sneered, violently flinging the refrigerator door open in search for the string cheese. Tony mirrored your movements, and slammed the door back. 

“Sweetpea, could you just think about it.” He pleaded, while talking with his hands and peering down at you with his chocolate orbs. Butterflies started to flutter in your stomach, at the new pet name he assigned you. He always tried out different ones for different situations, and this one just happened to fit this one. “We always knew this was a difficult relationship. Even if you guys ended on good terms, dating me right after would not be the greatest idea. At least if you’re with Eddy, we have more time to figure things out. Please.” 

Contemplating his words, you knew he was right. But that didn’t change the fact that you hated it.  “Fine. I’ll go on this stupid ass date.” As you said it, the word date was laced in venom, venom that you wished to reserve for Edward’s veins. “How are you okay with all of this though? Whats your secret?”

He thought about it for a moment, and then replied, “I’m not” before pursing his lips and looking down at his feet.  Weirdly enough, you needed to hear that. Knowing that you both were going through this dread together oddly made you feel better. You grabbed his chin to lean in for a passionate kiss. Your taste from earlier still lingered on his tongue. 

“Everything is going to be fine.”  You assured, gazing up at him. 

“Ya, I know.” He smiled, before looking down at his watch. “Well not everything, because you’re late for class again.”

“Shit!” You screeched. He watched as you sprinted through the door after scrambling to grab your stuff, all before he could even blink. 

“I love you, Y/N.” He said to himself, as he waved at your fleeting car. 

——————————————————

“How does this one look?”

“No. No. No. That slit is entirely too high!”

“Tony, it’s literally below the knee. And you’re the one that chose it!”

“Too much skin. Next.”

“Yea well he has seen me naked before so.” You mumbled. 

“What was that? Yea maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. You were  right kid, take it off and we’ll come up with an excuse as to why you couldn’t go.” He was worried. He became worried after the first dress. Though he would never admit it, you knew when he was upset. He would place his glasses on his face and get to talking faster than normal. 

“Baby, like I said earlier, everything is going to be fine. Trust me.” You assured, as you went to get changed into the 7th dress of the night. 7:00 o’clock was approaching faster than normal. You had been home for a few hours now, so you and Tony mentally prepared yourself. He drew you both a hot bubble bath to calm your nerves, but it didn’t do much for them.  As the time got closer, it got harder to convince each other, that this was fine. At the moment, it was your turn to persuade Tony.

You came back into the room, in a flirty fit and flare dress. Though the dress was less than a foot away from your ankles, it hugged your curves perfectly. “Hell no. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He shouted. He had crossed and uncrossed his legs so many times at this point, you thought he’d pull a muscle. He got up to pace the room. You had never seen him worry this much. 

You met him from across the room, skipping to stand behind him. As you hugged his back, you stood on your tippy toes to press your chin on his shoulder. “Honey,” you cooed, “it might help if you told me exactly what you were afraid of.”

“I’m a grown ass man Y/N, there isn’t much that I’m afraid of.” He retorted. 

Aware of the sudden attitude, you reply “Fine, maybe afraid is the wrong word. Let’s say nervous. What’s got you so anxious?”

He placed his hands on top of yours  before sighing, “I don’t want him to steal your heart. But I also don’t want my son to be hurt. I really don’t want to lose you, but I also feel like I am being selfish towards you both.” He turned around after making his last point, entangling your fingers together. “Most of all, I don’t wanna lose you.” 

You placed your head on his chest and chuckled, the gesture sending small vibrations through him.“You said ‘I don’t wanna lose you’ like three times already.”

“Well I don’t. And you know what, who gives a fuck about me being selfish. I am that way when it comes to you. And don’t I get to be?” He asked the question more to himself than to you. 

“Yes pumpkin.”

“I know. I mean, I’ve failed him as a parent you know? If he doesn’t have the decency to appreciate someone as wonderful as you, then I have failed him. I don’t know what to do. I usually do, but I just don’t this time.” You had never seen Tony be so vulnerable before. Over the past year, he had seen you in so many compromising situations that would have made any other man run straight for the heels. But you seldom saw him in those same compromising situations. This was new, and while you always liked new, this was scary. You feared, that he saw an end to this before you could. 

“It is going to be okay.” That was all you could say. He sighed, and placed a kiss against your forehead before speaking. 

“Y/N,  I’ve been wanting to tell you,—”

“Dad! Y/N!” You heard Edward yell. You two quickly removed yourself from each other, just before he could make the room. You ran back into your bathroom to slip into another gown. When Edward came in, he was surprised to find his father in his room. “I was looking for you, but I didn’t expect to find you in here.” He began changing out of his work clothes, to freshen up. 

“Well yea, she asked me to help her pick a dress.”

“I hope you helped me out here. I am trying to get laid tonight.” He admitted, winking at his dad. Tony just stared at him blankly. Taking his expression as disapproval for his choice of word, he awkwardly laughed, “Oh come on dad, don’t get stiff on me now, you know you taught me everything I know.” He began changing into his date attire, before realizing something was missing. He went to look in your shared bathroom. 

Attempting to walk in, the door was immediately slammed back into his face. He was embarrassed that it happened in front of Tony, who was currently chuckling on your bedroom couch. Regaining his cool, he knocked on the door. “Babe, I need to get in for a sec.”

“I’m in here.” You replied, with short words and short tones. 

“Yea babe, I know you’re in there, the thing is I need to be in there too.” He was annoyed, but you were already pissed about going out with him. Especially since he interrupted his dad from earlier. What was he gonna say? You thought. 

“Well you’re gonna have to fucking wait Edward.”

“Listen, if this is about your dress, I’m gonna be happy with whatever you put on for me okay?” He assured. 

“No, Edward. This is about me not wanting you to see me naked.” You corrected. “Now you could either wait, or forget about the entire date.”

“Well, I guess that means you’re not getting laid tonight.” Tony teased, fighting the shit-eating grin, that threatened to plaster his face. It got harder when Edward looked at him with the biggest death-glare .

Why does the bastard seem happy about that? he thought to himself. “Whatever. There’s always next time.” He stated matter-of-factly, not noticing the joy that left his father’s eyes. “Do you have any cologne that I can borrow?” He was still annoyed but it was fleeting. You two were not going to ruin his night. He would have you by the end of it. 

“Uh, yea I left it in the downstairs bathroom, follow me.” Edward found it hard to read Tony at the moment. As mentioned before, the older man rarely lost his composure. Those closest to him, knew his ticks, but by no means were Tony and Edward close. Father and son, maybe, but they would never be friends. Edward always took to his mother, listening to the poison she spewed in his ears from the time he was old enough to understand. To him, Tony was a terrifying, self-entitled, know-it-all, who never granted mercy tho anyone, even those he loved.  

Up until recently, he saw that that wasn’t true, or if it had been it was in the past now. As he followed him down the staircase, they reached the bathroom where the cologne resided. Tony, trying to play nice, handed Edward a tiny glass bottle. The bottle itself probably cost over a thousand dollars, what did that say about the tawny brown liquid inside. “Thanks man.” Was all he said, as he carelessly took it. 

“Hey, you be careful with that! It cost more than your entire outfit.” 

He spritzed the liquid onto his collar and wrists before speaking “This smells really good. What is this again? I feel like I’ve smelled this before.”

“Forget about the damn cologne Edward. We need to talk about Y/N.” His demeanor turned serious, as he addressed you. 

“What is there to talk about?” He questioned, tousling with his hair in the mirror.

“She’s fragile right now, and I just don’t think you should force yourself onto her.”

“Woah, woah, woah. I’m not a rapist.”

“That’t not what I’m saying at all. The very fact that that’s the first thing your mind jumped to is alarming to say the least. Whatever, anyway, I’m saying that you can be a little aggressive with your approach. She doesn’t appreciate your selfish nature.”

“Selfish? Did she tell you that?” He stopped with his hair and eyed him through the mirror. 

“All that I am saying is that you may win more points with her, if you ask her about what she wants.” Tony didn't even know why he bothered trying to help him. In all honesty, he was just trying to to help you.

“Dad, you just let her call me selfish? I am your son, shouldn’t you care more about what I think?”

“You literally just proved her point. And shouldn’t you want to be more attentive to your girlfriend’s needs?”

“Why are you two so close? Don’t you think that’s a little weird?” He inspected his father skeptically. He turned around to slowly look him up and down before continuing “Whose side are you on?”

Tony stood firm. He made sure to show no sign of weakness. “I’m on her’s.” His eyes burned a hole through Edward, and the younger boy bit back his anger to cower his head away from his father’s menacing look.

“Let’s go, before I change my mind.” They both perked their heads up to look at you standing through the bathroom’s doorway. 

You were wearing a silk mauve spaghetti-string top, paired with pearl colored high-waisted wide-leg dress pants; those were held together by a simple Gucci belt. A chic baggy blazer that matched the pants graced your arms, and three-tier pearl earrings dangled from your lobes. Your perfectly manicured cream colored nails clutched a large white wristlet against your person. You sported a curly shoulder-length bob, and your makeup was done to look natural. On your feet were a pair of costly looking suede heels whose color resembled your top; their points were so sharp they could puncture skin. You looked more ready for a business meeting, than a date. 

“Wow babe” Edward started, eyeing you in detail. “You look great, but I thought you were gonna wear something a bit more comfortable.”

“Well Edward, you said you would be happy with whatever I chose.”

“I mean I am but—”

“You look amazing.” Tony interjected, eyeing you a little too long for Edward’s liking. 

“I mean don’t act so surprised, I am a boss ass bitch” You respond feeling shy all of a sudden. You broke eye contact to bite your bottom lip and examine your feet. How could your stomach still swarm and your face still heat up after all this time. 

He cleared his throat before saying, “Right well, you guys have a date to attend. I hope you have fun” He turned to Edward to adjust his collar, “But not too much fun.” He left it at that for a moment before adding, “Because ya know, I’m too pretty to be a granddad right now.” He patted his chest and turned him so that he could push him out of the door.

He stopped you before you could follow, to say in a hushed tone,  “You look beautiful. Hurry back please.”

“I’ll try. Don’t worry.” You gave him a small smile, before turning to leave. 

He grabbed your hand to whip you around and slam the door. He pressed you against it, hands on either side of your head. 

“Tony what the fuc—”

“Say the word and we can call it off.”

“Honey, at this point it’s too late. He’d know something is up if we did that.”

“Do you think I give a flying fuck what he thinks. Come on just say the word.”

“Tony, I am going. We won’t be long. So don’t worry.” You grabbed his cheeks to peck his lips. 

He released his hands from their spot on the door and reopened it to a confused Edward. “Sorry.” He directed towards him. “It looked like she had a gaping hole in her pant leg. Couldn’t let it ruin your date.” He was always a terrible liar, and as he said it, he watched your retreating movements to the vehicle. 

“Thanks for looking out,” Edward said sarcastically before following your steps. He tried to open it for you, but you ensured that you could open the door yourself in a cold manner.

When you got into the car, you prepped yourself for the long night before you. If you had looked back at Tony’s expression, you may have never left with Eddy. 

———————————————————————

Shit. You thought, as you pulled up to the restaurant. Of course it had to be one that you and Tony frequented a lot. Every time they saw him, they called you both by name. You should have known something was up when the drive took an hour outside the city. 

“Eddy, why don’t we go somewhere else.” You say as you slide down in your seat. “This place looks expensive.”

“I want to try this. I’ll take care of the bill.” He was being short with you now. It was due to the lack of communication during the entire drive. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t get more than two words out of you. You almost felt bad, but that diminished when you saw him shamelessly checking out a girl who was passing by your car. You didn’t even care about it, you were just annoyed that he did it in your presence even though it was his idea to take you out. 

“Fine.” You retort, unbuckling your seatbelt to beat him inside. You felt that if you got in before him, you could warn the staff not to mention Tony, or your being there before. Too bad Edward’s legs were way longer than yours. 

“Slow down, I’m the one who made the reservations.” He ran up to walk beside you. He sensed you sense him checking the other woman out, and took your sudden mood shift as jealousy. “Don’t worry baby, she wasn’t even that pretty.” He snaked an arm around your waist, which made you recoil away. He opened the glass doors for you, and you were immediately embraced with the familiar smell of French cuisine. The ambiance was soft and warm, and the lights were dim as golds and yellows lay in the scenery. Being here without Tony wasn’t the best, but at least you felt somewhat at home.  

As the two of you approached the maître d’s desk, the jolly man lit up at the sight of you. Samuel was the sweetest, and sassiest person you had ever come to know. The fact that he could be both was why you loved him.

“Aww ma cherré! C'est si gentil à vous de nous rejoindre ce soir!” Samuel exclaimed. He was elated to see you since it had been a while. 

“Tu m'as manqué Samuel!” You were happy to see him as well and expressed how much you missed him. 

“You two know each other?” Edward inserted, causing Samuel to focus his attention on him. 

“Well no. I just read his name tag.” You said nervously.

“Qui est-ce?” Samuel asked, trying to figure out who Edward was. He was currently sizing him up. This wasn’t his precious Tony.

“What did he say? I knew I should have gone somewhere, where they speak English” Edward complained. 

Samuel mumbled something about Edward being an entitled prick, which made it hard for you to suppress a smile. “He asked what was the reservation name under.”

“Ahh, it’s under Stark! I am the one who called ahead 3 hours ago!” Edward shouted, like the asshat he was.

“Monsieur, I understand English. I’m from New York.” Samuel stated with an attitude. “However speaking French helps set the tone for this environment. Also, if you yell at a person who you presume to speak a different language, it makes you look like an obnoxious prick.” You couldn’t suppress your smile this time. 

“Is it customary to speak like that to your guests too?” Edward challenged, making both you and Samuel’s smile falter. 

“Non monsieur.” He replied, the confidence from before had left now. 

“Yea I didn’t think so. I would like you and your staff to speak English to me for the rest of the night.” He informed, a menacing smirk playing on his face. “I should see that you take care of those who give you service.” 

“Yes sir. Allow me to lead you to your table.”  You tugged on the cuffs of his jacket to look at him with sorry eyes. “ Ahh Mrs. Y/L/N, will you be taking your usual spot on the roof—”

You looked at him with wide eyes before you said “Monsieur!” You shouted. You guys had stopped, “Could you show me to the restroom! I am sorry I cannot hold my bladder any longer.”

“But you already know—” Samuel you idiot! You thought to yourself. 

“Restroom please!”

“Okay okay, just a minute!” Your outbursts were out of character, so he was just now realizing something was wrong. “You can sit here sir. Right this way ma’am.”

When you two got  out of earshot, that’s when you tackled him with a hug. “I am so sorry he treated you like that.”

“It’s not your fault, my dear. But who is that son-of-a-bitch.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed before saying, “That’s Tony’s son. We are dating.”

“Wait! No what happened with you and Tony!”

“Nothing, we are fine…we just met at the wrong time.” 

“Ahh, does he know that you are dating his son?” You basically just told Samuel that you were dating two people who were blood-related, and he didn’t bat an eye-lash. 

“Of course he knows! Edward doesn’t though, so if it isn’t too much to ask, please tell everyone to act as if they never met me. I would really appreciate it.”

“Anything for my favorite girl! You stupid bitch, I can't believe you didn't tell me all this juicy gossip.” He winked at you before leading you back to your table. 

You sat down in the booth and let your blazer fall from your arms. All of a sudden you felt nervous, but determined to play nice. Edward’s irritation took on a new level, and you forgot that you were supposed to be “rekindling” your relationship. All you had done this entire evening was make it worse. You almost forgot how to talk to him, being alone only made things worse. He was sitting opposite to you, examining his menu. And when he spoke it was cold. 

“I took the liberty to order us some drinks while you were off talking with that server.” So he knew you had lied about the bathroom, yet his eyes hadn’t left his menu. Maybe he was trying to decipher the French, and wasn't really worried about you.

“I don’t drink anymore.” You declared.

“So much has changed about you. Like you speak French now, when did that happen.” His voice was like liquid turned into stone. Hard but smooth at the same time. 

“I took an online class.” You lied. Tony was the one to teach you. “I have an internship in Paris that requires me to learn it.” That part was true though

“Does that internship pay you ahead of time?” He glanced up from his menu to meet your gaze.

“It doesn’t pay me at all.” Your brows furrowed. Where was he going with this? 

“Oh. You know I just thought it did, since you can afford Gucci, and what is that?” He asked referring to your wristlet “That’s a Valentino right? Oh and let’s not forget the Louboutin’s on your feet!” He was losing his cool now. 

“Eddy you’re gonna cause a scene. Lower your voice.” You hiss. 

Fortunately your waitress came over to distract him for a second. “Bonjour, je m'appelle Elise. Je serais heureux de te servir ce soir.” You knew Elise, but you had to act as if you didn’t. You hoped that when she looked away from her notepad, she wouldn’t recognize you.

“English please. I already told your host this.” He was already an ass, but now he was being plain rude. 

The peppy red-head looked up from her notes to examine him. Her doe-like eyes wide in terror that quickly turned into joy upon noticing you. 

“Y/N! It’s so nice to see you!” She looked around for a second before looking back to you, “Where is Mr Stark?” You held your breath at the mention of Tony. I guess Samual hadn’t warned Elise yet. 

“I am Mr. Stark.” Edward rudely inserted. You were relieved he didn’t realize the error, until he spoke again “Look. We’re not ready to order yet. So why don’t you come back later. Fuck off” He waved his hand in a dismissive behavior, before turning back to you.

You watched the girl bow her head before quickly retreating.“Why do you have to be such a fucking dick?” 

“What? Do you think I hurt your little friend’s feelings? Why did you act like you’ve never been here before.” His nostrils began to flare, as he sat up from his seat.

“I haven’t—.”

“Don’t fucking bullshit me Y/N. I heard him ask you about your usual spot on the roof. You must think I am an idiot.” He snarled. “I asked about it before reserving the restaurant. My point is that I know it costs more than your tiny bank account could hold. So what, did you plan on freeloading off of me and my dad, while your sugar daddy takes care of you too?”  

“Don’t speak to me like this.” You state through gritted teeth. Your eyes were starting to water from his interrogation, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. 

“Who pays for it? Hmm? Is it the same person who put those hickeys on your chest? Or is it the person who bought you that cheap ass bracelet.” Before you knew it, he grabbed your wrist to snatch off the Cartier bracelet Tony got you for valentine’s day. It meant the world to you, since he had the words ‘My heart belongs to you, T.S.’ engraved inside it.  You watched the jewels bounce and clatter on to the hard-wood floor. Rolling under feet and nearby tables. People were starting to look over, but you didn’t care. You also didn’t care about the tears that spilled from your eyes. 

Edward sat back in his chair, and rubbed a hand through his hair while acknowledging your tears. He coldly mocked these next words “What’s wrong. Can’t he afford to buy you a new one?” 

“Yea.” You said, voice shaking, while your eyes remained on the floor. You turned back to him to say, “Maybe if I fuck him good enough, he’ll get me an even prettier one.” His hands began to shake as you watched him go red in the face. He balled his palms into fists, knuckles turning white; a sharp contrast to his crimson fingers. He unexpectedly slammed them on the table, causing you to jump, and the conversations around you to cease. 

“Well maybe he should give you a ride back home while he’s at it, you fucking bitch!” He shouted, spit flying from his mouth. He got up to storm out of the door, pushing passed Elise who was coming back with your drinks. He left you embarrassed, without a way home, and alone. Oddly enough, you weren’t crying because of Edward. You were crying because you felt like you failed Tony.

————————————————————

You arrived home over four hours later, after hailing a taxi. You would have been home sooner, if you didn’t spend the night with Elise, Samuel, and the rest of the staff, insisting on helping them close. You partly helped to make up for the scene you and Edward had caused, and you also wanted to give Edward enough time to get home and go to bed. From the looks of it, he had made it there in just a little under an hour, because that’s when Tony started lighting your phone up. That’s why you stayed longer to wait for him to fall asleep as well. You were an even bigger idiot than Edward if you thought he would be asleep before you made it home. 

He was sitting on the staircase when you unlocked the door to come in. “Are you okay?” He asked, leaping up to stand before you. 

“Yea I’m good.” You respond, tiredly. 

“Good. Because I am fucking livid.” He said in a frantic tone. “What’s wrong with your phone?”

“Nothing. Where’s Edward?”

“He’s asleep. So why didn’t you answer you phone?”

“It died.” 

“Was that before, or after you turned it off? Because I know for a fact that’s what you did. That’s always your excuse when you don’t want to talk to someone.”

“Can we not do this tonight.” He grabbed your shoulders and bent down so that he could look you in your eyes. 

“I would prefer it if we did this now.”

“Well it’s not about what you fucking want all the time,” You snapped.

“Hey. That’s not fair.” Hurt was plastered on every inch of his face. You saw it, so you began to apologize. 

“I’m sorry.” Your voice cracked, and you were about to cry again. “Tony I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live in this house with him anymore. I can’t live this lie any. more.” The tears spilled, and you couldn’t tell who was more hurt at this point, you or Tony. 

He pulled you into his chest, which muffled your sobs. “What am I supposed to say, when you get like this? I can’t bear seeing you cry, princess. What do I do?”

“Please just hold me. Don’t let me go.” You mewled. 

He pulled back to wipe away your tears with the backs of his thumb. “Now when have you ever known me to do something stupid.”

“Everyday.” You laugh. He tapped your nose and gave it a quick kiss, while still cupping your cheeks.

“Yeah, well besides then.” 

“Never.” You whispered. He stared into your eyes lovingly. You two stayed mesmerized in each other for longer than usual. 

“I love you, Y/N. I guess that goes without saying, but I thought you should know.” He confessed. Believe it or not, it was the first time. The two of you never had to say it, because you just felt it. Just knowing it, still wouldn’t beat hearing the actual words though. He had just made it fact in your heart. 

Speaking of your heart, it was beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings, threatening to leap from your chest at any second. The butterflies he gifted you quickly turned into elephants, that threatened to trample your insides, and replace the remains with Peruvian lilies.  Your cheeks were now hot to the touch, and your mouth searched for words that came out in random incoherent spouts.

Tony, suddenly overcome with unsureness started with, “Maybe this wasn’t the right time to—”

“No!” You shouted, “I love you too.” You cried, smiling before you stood on your toes to wrap your arms around him. His arms dropped to your sides, and he pulled you in by your shirt, latching his mouth on yours. This kiss was different from the rest. They all felt good, but this one felt better than them all combined. Taking in all of you, your scent, your taste, your feel, he felt spoiled. He grabbed at the sides of your face to deepen it, while you grabbed at the back of his neck. You both tried your hardest to get closer, but it may have not even been possible, since there was no space left between you. 

You were the first to pull back for air, while Tony still pecked at your lips, stealing wet kisses, that trailed from your mouth to your forehead. He peppered them over your eyelids, nose, and cheeks, desperate to cover every perimeter of the skin. 

You fluttered your eyes open when he was done, smiling up at him though your lashes. His chocolate brown orbs danced with more joy, than you had ever seen, and his pearly whites peered through his goofy grin. He eskimo kissed you, and rest his forehead against yours. You were happier than you had ever been. 

You both snapped your necks towards the sound behind you before you heard Edward say “I should have known it was you.” He, like his dad before, sat at the bottom of the staircase watching the both of you. You two were so wrapped up in each other, you didn’t even hear him walk down.

And just like that, your happiness left the chat. 

  A/N: Sooo... tell me what you think? Also, I proofread, but please let me know if you see any errors. Please like comment and share. To  @swaggysposts​ @scarletsoldierrr​ I am so sorry for posting so late, but I really hope you are still interested. Please tell me what you think!  PART 3 here 

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (10)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 2.8k (this chapter), 32.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

They try everything. Sophie handles the cameras and phones while Phil and Chris spend way too long cleaning up files on their laptops and doing what they can to get any clear images out of the mess. It's no use. By the time PJ returns from driving Dan home, all they've accomplished is figuring out that the corruption is on their devices, not on the exported files. No matter what they do, the videos and pictures they took have the effect of being scrambled, like someone has pressed fast forward and also put a noise filter over them. The sound is no better - there's a high-pitched sort of ringing in all of the video and audio recordings that Phil can't understand the source of. Some files won't open altogether.

"How does this even happen?" Sophie mutters, bent over Chris' phone with a furrowed brow. "There's nothing left. Like, at all."

"We still have footage from the first night," says Phil. He's trying his very best to stay positive, but this is unbelievably frustrating. They experienced something last night, even if they can't agree on what it was, and they're supposed to start driving back to Brighton before it gets too dark. They don't have time for this. "With the shadow, you know."

His friends make grunts of irritated agreement. Phil knows that all of them are disappointed and a little angry about the lack of evidence for their hellish night, almost like they went through it for nothing, but he doesn't have anything comforting to say.

Phil has never been very good at comfort. He's good at distracting people and forcing optimism, but seeing such visceral emotions from his usually mild housemates makes him want to retreat into himself. He takes his glasses off to rub at his eyes, fighting off a budding headache.

"That's not really enough for a video, though, is it," says PJ. "I mean, you're not going to convince anyone with just a shadow."

"Well, we can't stay to try and get more," Chris says with a little huff.

"I can," Phil points out. He doesn't think he wants to, really, because this whole situation skeeves him out and going back alone would not help, but he needs there to be a purpose to his friends' suffering or he'll never forgive himself. He stares at his unfocused laptop screen, full of files that don't work, and wonders if they're going to bother to try and stop him. "I mean, you guys all have work tomorrow. I don't have anywhere to be. And I kind of want to see this through, so I can, like… take the train home when it's done."

There's a moment of quiet. Phil feels his shoulders tense at the possibility that he's going to have to argue his way into this. It's his job. Plus, he already knows his parents are going to have a problem with him staying longer to investigate, and fighting with yet another set of well-meaning people is more than he wants to do.

"Normally I'd be like, whatever," says PJ. "You know what you're doing and you do this sort of shit alone all the time. But, Phil, how the fuck do you think the paralysis will work if you're by yourself?"

"I won't try to sleep there," Phil decides, shoving his glasses back onto his face. "That's the only time it's happened, right? When people are already falling asleep?"

PJ's mouth twists unhappily, but he doesn't protest further. Phil wonders if he's actually won this argument or if PJ is just too tired from bickering with Dan about cryptids, or whatever they talked about on the drive. Thinking about Dan is a distraction, and not exactly a welcome one. Phil doesn't know how he feels - or even if he should be feeling anything at all - and he doesn't want to add that crisis on top of the one he's already dealing with.

"So you're just going to go there," says Chris. "Alone. And then poke around and go home?"

"That's what I do in most haunts."

"Fair play. Carry on."

It's almost funny how quickly PJ's expression nosedives into aghast. "What? That's it? You're not putting up more of a fight?"

"Why bother?" Chris asks with a little shrug. "He's a stubborn bellend."

"Hey," Phil half-heartedly protests. His friends don't deign to acknowledge it.

"You should bring a sigil with you," says Sophie. Her voice is soft and tired, but her eyes are kind in a way that PJ and Chris don't bother to be. "Why don't you bring something down that you'd have on you, and we'll all put something on it?"

"Really?" Chris asks. It's impossible to tell what he's thinking. Phil doesn't know if he thinks the idea is good or stupid, but he nods after Sophie does. "Alright, we can do that."

PJ is looking off into the distance while cogs seem to turn in his head. "Something you'll have physically on you, Philly, since we can't put it on your skin itself. Let us draw on your glasses or jacket or -"

"Knickers," Chris chimes in.

"Or your knickers," PJ agrees, far more solemnly than Phil thinks is necessary.

It doesn't seem like it'll actually help, but Phil feels so much affection and gratitude for his friends wanting to protect him in any way they can that he doesn't argue.

Phil doesn't really like the idea of going to the Wilkins place alone, either, but he's a lot more comfortable doing that than dragging his innocent friends along for the awful ride again. He thinks about Sophie's kind eyes staring up at the ceiling blankly, the way PJ gasped when he woke up, Chris trying to hide his own concern about the situation, and he feels his resolve stiffen even more.

Maybe he is a stubborn bellend. This is his responsibility, though. It's not right for him to keep asking for help. Phil lets the conversation flow to what snacks they're going to get for the drive and thinks about how he's going to break the situation to his parents.

--

It doesn't feel as satisfying to shut the door of his childhood bedroom, now. Maybe it's the fact that he's too mature to slam it, or maybe it's that the room itself isn't the haven it used to be. All the neutral colours and boring pieces of art are like a constant visual reminder that his life isn't here anymore.

He doesn't want it to be here. That isn't the problem. It feels stupid if he thinks about it for too long, but he grew up in this house. He's got scars from the sharp corners of the old furniture and more memories than he has in any other singular location. Sure, it makes sense that his parents are retiring and want to downsize from a big, empty house, but Phil really isn't comfortable with this level of change. He kind of assumed he'd always be able to come visit and feel at home again.

Phil sinks onto the mattress. For a long moment, he seriously considers going to sleep. It's barely past seven, but he didn't sleep well this morning. At least if he's unconscious he doesn't need to deal with the crushing weight of his parents' disappointment and worry.

The decision is made for him when his phone buzzes with a notification from Tumblr.

tell ur parents thanks for letting me stay and tell pj thanks for bringing me home and tell urself thanks for the uhhhh experience lmao its deffo not one im gonna forget anytime soon

Phil huffs a laugh and gets comfortable. You're very welcome. I'll tell them when I come out of hiding.

arent you in a very small car on your way to brighton mate… how tf do you manage to hide in there when youre huge

Oh I'm not in the car, I'm still at my parents' place. It's a long story and I hate typing a bunch on my phone. Phil grimaces at himself for the way that sounds, like he's cutting off any questions Dan might have before they ask. He sends another message. Voice call me on Skype or something if you wanna hear about my no good, very bad day.

He doesn't expect Dan to actually call him, let alone immediately, but Phil's phone starts buzzing with a Skype call before he's collected himself enough to find his headphones. He's still detangling while he answers with a sheepish, "Oh, hello!"

"Hi," says Dan. Their voice is low and amused, and Phil can't believe how nice it is to hear after only a handful of hours.

"I'm woefully unprepared, as per usual," Phil rambles, finally getting his headphones in and grinning at the bland wall in front of him. Nobody is here to judge him for it. "You, er, got home alright?"

"Obviously yes," says Dan. "So, you had a bad day?"

"'Cause you had a bad day," Phil sings back to them. The sound of Dan's giggle makes any embarrassment worth it, he thinks. "Yeah, uh, it was rough. So we wanted to look over the footage from last night to see what the camera caught, y'know, but… I don't know how, I don't have an explanation for it, but everything is corrupted. Our audio, our video, our photos. They're all beyond repair."

There's a few moments of silence, where Phil would think Skype had frozen if he couldn't still hear the faint music on Dan's end. Then, "What? You - what? We don't have anything?"

Phil likes the sound of 'we'. He probably shouldn't.

"We tried everything," Phil explains, his heart feeling heavy all over again at the reminder that they spent hours terrified for nothing. "But the corruption isn't even in the exported files, it's on our devices themselves. Chris' phone, our cameras… they're all fucked."

"If you're swearing, it must be fucking serious," says Dan. Phil wants to interrupt then, explain that his policy on bleeping out curses is more about staying monetized and keeping his parents happy than any personal morals, but Dan has already shot past the topic at the speed of light. "So basically we've got no proof we were ever there, let alone that something weird happened - which I'm not saying is some kind of fucking paranormal shit, by the way, but it was weird - and now you've got nothing to make a video with and I never should have told you about this place to begin with?"

"Dan, breathe." Phil waits until he's sure that Dan is at least trying to follow the directive. "It's okay. I'm glad you brought me here. And that's why I'm still in town - I'm going to get more footage."

"Not alone, you're not," Dan says fiercely.

"Peej and the other Scoobs already went home. I just didn't go with them."

"I don't care where your friends are," says Dan. Phil can almost see their hand waving dismissively. "You're not going back there alone. End of story."

The clear insistence in Dan's voice should be getting Phil's back up against the wall. He hates being told what to do with his own projects, needs to be in complete control whenever possible. Instead, he finds himself thinking that it's sweet of Dan to worry like that.

Christ, but he's got it bad.

"I'm still in town either way," Phil says, picking at a loose thread in his sleeve absent-mindedly. "Which my parents are, uh, not thrilled about."

"Really?" Dan sounds genuinely surprised. "They seem like they really love you, mate."

Love has never been the issue. That feels strange to think, cocky almost, but Phil has never really worried that his parents won't love him. Even with the secrets he keeps from them and their fears about the way he lives his life, the worst he's ever expected is disappointment. That just isn't the way their relationship works.

"Oh, they do," says Phil. "But they hate my job, and they think that it's stupid of me to keep investigating a place that clearly doesn't want to be investigated. They believe in ghosts and demons and all that jazz, y'know, they think I'm inviting evil into my life, so they said they'd let me stay here while I work but that we're going to have a 'serious discussion' about my life trajectory when I'm done."

"Ouch. I'd hate that conversation."

"Trust me, it's going to suck. I just got the preview today, and I already know I'm going to want to run away to Iceland."

There's a beat. Then, Dan says, "At least when you're there you can look into the hidden people. You know, the Icelandic elves or whatever that live in a parallel world. That seems up your alley."

"Your mum lives in a parallel world," Phil mutters.

Dan giggles. The sound of it is soft, like they're aware of their own volume, and Phil remembers that Dan lives in some kind of housing with a bunch of other students. He still loves the sound, so much so that he drifts into a nonsensical daydream of making Dan laugh as much as possible and almost misses Dan's voice coming through his headphones again.

"Since you're still in town," Dan is saying, and Phil makes a conscious effort to tune back in, "you should come by the shop tomorrow. I have an early class, but I'm starting work at eleven."

The prospect of seeing Dan again is such a good one that Phil doesn't even hesitate before he's agreeing. It'll be a bit of an effort to get out of bed early enough to avoid his parents and catch Dan for a good amount of time, but Phil feels like it's definitely going to be worth it. He likes Dan, likes being around them if absolutely nothing else, and the ill-advised butterflies in his stomach aren't enough to make him fall on the side of finding this a bad idea.

It isn't until after he's hung up and getting himself a sandwich so he doesn't have to eat an awkward dinner with his parents that Phil realises he's going to have Dan all to himself tomorrow. Well, to himself and to whatever patrons come into the coffee shop. The force of those warm eyes, just focused on him… it's going to test Phil in a way he's not sure he's ready for.

He turns away from the fridge and almost jumps out of his skin.

"Mum," he complains, free hand clutched to his chest. "Don't just stand there, you scared me!"

A smile tugs at Kath's lips, but her arms are crossed and her eyes are staring into Phil's very soul. He feels cornered all of a sudden, like he ought to be clawing for escape.

"Philip," she says, all warmth. There's that slight edge that he remembers so clearly from mishaps as a child, but for the most part it seems like she isn't here to lecture him. He imagines that's going to come from both of them. "This thing that you insist on doing… it's dangerous. You must know that, love."

Phil doesn't actually know that. For the most part, his career hasn't given him anything but boredom and a complex about his own creativity. It's just the odd cases, the ones like the Wilkins house, that get him squirrelly.

"I know, mum," he says anyway. It isn't worth the argument. "But this is my job."

"It doesn't need to be," she presses, and Phil realises that his assumption was very, very wrong. They're going to divide and conquer. She continues like she hasn't noticed the way his whole body is tensing up. "You have such a wonderful mind and loads of ambition, my dear. And that imagination! Gosh, you could do anything that you set your mind to."

Anything he set his mind to - if he actually tried. Phil can hear the words that she isn't saying, that his dad will have no trouble voicing later, and he feels the familiar burn in his throat like he's going to start crying.

He won't. He doesn't cry much, as a rule, but he's well-acquainted with the sensation of holding it back.

"I know that I can," says Phil quietly. He looks down at his sandwich. He isn't very hungry anymore. "Mum, I'm not - I don't do this because I - you know, I like my job."

That's not exactly the truth anymore, but Phil is also well-acquainted with the art of lying to his mother. She doesn't need to know about the doubts that plague Phil, the way that he's felt like he's slogging through videos until they catch his interest properly. That's something he can figure out on his own. He forces his eyes back up at her to drive the point home with a sincere, pleading sort of look.

Her mouth twists, unhappily this time.

"You need to grow up sometime, Phil," she says, so soft that it almost cushions the devastating blow of her words.

Almost.

[tiffgeorgina]

alright trailer thoughts

watch it here slutties: https://twitter.com/SHOBlackMonday/status/1216778009044291585

1) HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S HERE THIS FEELS SURREAL

2) HOLYYY SHITTTT

3) but actually let’s get it. this song bangs showtime stays on their excellent editing.

4) trying to analyze showtime’s trailers is like trying to grab smoke so this is going to be extremely barebones for a while. 

5) somebody drives off with the busted up limbo, but we can’t tell who it is yet bc their face never comes into view. they’re wearing a gray suit tho, so it may become more obvious who it is once the episode itself is out.

6) mo is being dramatic asf which as of 1x10 is perfectly in character lmfao

7) bro what the FUCK did you do to your hair i gotta ask fuck the 80s. also there’s this character on IMDb tagged “Vanessa (hair like mo)” so that makes more sense now maybe?

8) establishing shots that almost make me think mo is hiding out in california. since we know his orphanage story is bullshit, maybe he’s visiting family? maybe this is where that marcus wainright iii character comes in? since i dont think he’s in the trailer?

9) keith is living. almost has out-of-the-closet energy. i bet that scene of him roller skating is either after a) he comes out to his wife and divorces her or b) he gets a call from mo and flies straight out to cali to meet up with him.

10) the editing is so good you guys holy shit they jsut never quit over there do they?

11) a shot of mo in some suburb. could be a family member or a friend’s house? which again leads me to think he’s in california.

12) there’s this TV show called “America’s Most Unsolved Crimes” that mo shows up on bc he’s being solely blamed for the crash. how dawn and blair managed to avoid any blame whatsoever is beyond me, but mo is an excellent scapegoat since he confessed on record. no idea who the guy sitting on the desk talking about him is tho, since he wasn’t announced as one of the new guest stars. probably just a one off. maybe this is where “reenactment dawn” comes in from the IMDb page?

13) mo is bringing back the 70s and i do not like it. when i said the 80s were cool bc nobody knew how to dress themselves This Is Not What I Meant.

14) he wouldn’t just casually play basketball with some random kids, these are probably either his cousins or his nephews or the kids of a friend. again leads me to believe he’s in california, possibly visiting marcus? it would make sense. either that or we finally get some real concrete background on mo that isn’t total bullshit.

15) keith is in contact with mo. it’s hard to tell if keith went to cali to see mo or if mo came to NY seeing as both are extremely suspicious. assuming mo is in cali that is. keith is definitely going to get mo back in the game. speaking of mo, this entire first 30 seconds is Mo-centric, so i bet mo’s arc is going to be plottier than blair or dawn’s in 1“A” (showtime doesn’t really have A and B arcs for this show bc there’s no midseason hiatus i just like the terminology)

16) throwback thursday lmfao

17) no idea who this guy shooting/probably fake shooting is?? like no idea. could be nothing of importance and just a transition filler/tone setting moment.

18) the heat is on motherfucker! let’s get this cat and mouse shit im ready for it!

19) here we go here’s dawn. back at the jammer group. back at DAWN AS THE PRESIDENT HIRING A BUNCH OF WOMEN???????? BIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHH I LOVE TO SEE IT. INCLUDING DEANNA CHENG (she’s friends with casey which means she’s friends with half the cast we should’ve known she wasn’t going anywhere) AKA THE SALES CLERK WHO HARASSED DAWN IN 1X02????? YES BITHC

20) then wayne and yassir fucking it up (nice facial hair wayne it’s hideous kjsfkjdhg) and the women throwing paper at him??? LKJRHGKLJSERH????

21) blair and tiff dressed up??? guys. they’re going to some rich people gala thing. this is what i was talkinf about. im almost certain this is how blair and harris meet. their wives are gonna see each other after not having spoken in years bc of whatever but they used to be friends so they go to talk and the husbands and dragged along and *closet case to closet case communication sounds*

22) ok now BLAIR’S on the exercise craze? i thought that was just gonna be dawn like in s1 also how long is this exercise montage in the show bc there are some things a god fearing lesbian shouldn’t have to see. this weird mirror talking shit feels like voyeurism from this perspective i feel like i shouldn’t be seeing this.

23) she’s still topping him??? after all that??? aight yk it’s part of the dynamic

24) tiff is wearing the same dress in “you do, hunk” as she is in the bit where they get out of the limo and deal with the paparazzi so i presume that workout scene is immediately before that gala thing im establishing a #timeline

25) the skants reveal??? we call that PLOT DEVELOPMENT i love a good callback to the first season

26) the shocked gasp i can’t tell if it’s good or bad. also does this mean tiff’s starting her own company? since georgina is liquid?

27) larry telling dawn that mo’s on his way back for revenge? spliced with mo staring at the wall like he so frequently does while smoking? mayhaps this editing went off also i never thought i’d say this but the brotherfucker has a point mo is gonna pop off when he sees yall again

28) FBI wyd........ that’s a lot

29) that falling out last season bit: blair’s definitely talking about tiff’s parents, and im almost certain andrew flubbed right there and improvised over it by saying “autumn.” well im appreciative of that bc a) it’s funny and b) it indicates when this is going on a bit. it’s not like we’re two years in the future or anything. this is probably gonna start a couple of months after the crash and that’s it.

30) no idea who blair is talking to tho since i can’t see the woman’s face. could be one of tiff’s friends? idk. also nice hair tiff

31) that ball spinning around like a gumball in a machine? weird transition but aight. also immediately after, dawn is in the lehman office, again no idea why. probably the same scene as larry telling her that mo is plotting his revenge but idk why she’s there.

32) that shot of a plane coming into JFK? now im near certain that mo is in cali it would make so much sense please showtime just MAKE SENSE. 

33) confetti and mo’s entrance? you know what it’s what i should’ve expected tbh it’s all so delightfully in character EDIT: THE CONFETTI IS NOT BEFORE MO’S ENTRANCE. YOU CAN SEE DAWN’S CLOTHES CHANGE COLOR, IT WAS JUST AN EDITING TRICK.

34) mo’s just gonna pull up, zero fucks, in the middle of the day. much different than how i thought this scene would go, with a lot of betrayal and drama involved instead of this bitch just pulling up. now idek if dawn and mo are in contact before this, when before i was almost certain they would be.

35) what blair says here is definitely not the first thing he says when mo walks in, i can tell from the editing. also im near certain that blair doesn’t say “bro.” it sounds edited in/done in post (his voice pitches up a lot there when that’s usually a beat when your voice would fall), so i wouldn’t be surprised if blair curses a lot there and they just had to edit it to stay in the green band. 

36) ol polluted waterfall lookin ass jshgkjfdhg mo quit lying that hairstyle is not popular fuck off

37) im loving this tagging order tbh. paul scheer getting tagged in the trailer is just. what he deserves. do we consider keith a protagonist now? he’s in all the promo material by name and face now.

38) regina and andrew look so good god yes also the editing is so GOOD fuck

39) keith (hand holding emoji) blair

        getting hit by random vehicles

40) NO THE LIMBO FUCK SHIT THESE CARS WERE NOT MEANT TO LAST almost looks deliberate :eyes emoji:

41) what’s keith doing with this barbershop quartet wtf

42) almost certain that’s tiff singing? based on 1x09 this oughta be good lmao

43) THE HEEL CLICKING IS TAKING ME OUT HGKJDHFGKJFD. could this be mo and marcus? who knows?

44) look at all the cash wtf what’s all that cash for? ah shit here we go again

45) tiff entering another dimension followed by dawn doing what is certainly a mountain of coke? kind of poetic cinema ok

46) ok dawn’s wearing that green suit again from my icon so??? what does it mean what does it all mean

47) who is mo squaring up with tf? is this marcus? i can’t tell in this lighting maybe it’s fake shooting guy idk also where the fuck are they? some party? but not a rich ppl thing just a thing? idk

48) guys. we have it. the fucking airdate. i have been stanning since the first fucking episode almost a year ago today and finally we have an airdate. respect to the new stans but yall dont know what seven and a half months of network radio silence in regards to your current obsession feels like. @hatimbinaba msged me and said we had a date and the shot of adrenaline i felt was like nothing else. serotonin is currently stored in the black monday and now the serotonin is stored in the ME. Sunday, March 15, 2020, 10 pm motherfuckers. put that shit on the calendar. also looks like we have a slightly earlier timeslot which is nice.

49) and to top (ahah) it all off we have blair just straight up gay panicking at the end. that’s definitely tuc and june and if yall have been following yall would know that tuc is playing blair’s love interest and june is playing tuc’s wife so this is all very jghsrkjghs im rly excited for this scene. no way of knowing if this is before or after blair and harris get together but it’s still kshgkdjhgdkj. rich people golfing? more like rich people existing lmao. also where’s that onion video i need to find the onion video fuck this is just like the onion said would happen. i will post it and make memes later. 

50) then blair just gets hit??? by the golfcart?? and there’s this scream that is definitely not the scream of andrew, tuc or june so??? whose scream was that??? did they add that shit in post??? tf???? also tuc and june barely flinching is really decapitating me kjshkrjdg

51) there’s no way of knowing if tiff is also at the golf course, but if she isn’t? then it’s just blair and his canon love interest and canon love interest’s wife???? which is so funny “hey come play golf with me” “oh is anyone else coming?” “ya my wife” “you’re so stupid i have to question how you’re even still alive”

52) WHEEWWWW AND THAT’S IT YALL!!! BUT A COUPLE MORE THINGS. some distinct absences: no known shot of marcus (which is wack yall would think they would want to plug the hell out of dulé hill) and very few shots of harris and corky. why. promote your newcomers some more tf.

anyways that’s all on this long ass post. @ mutuals expect more freakouts xx love yall this is unedited just raw emotion

[in-tua-deep]

souly im deprived of five centric fics do u have any suggestions?

oh man i am always full of suggestions but if you stalk the ao3 tag you’ve probably read all of them lmao, but here are a couple I like or like the premise of from what’s written so far under the cut - 

Taking it slow (that’s how it goes) by Inkrivers - a very cute five and one style fic centered around Five and Mr. Pennycrumb, his puppy. It’s just super cute and I adore it, very soft and good for soft feelings bless

When it’s time, I’ll leave the ocean behind by Lifeofren- also very cute and I’m always a sucker for fics that explore things Five has never done or never seen, like going to the ocean, very cute excellent content

Break the Seams by badromantic - oh man this one is fun, it’s an au where Five sort of dies and is brought back by questionable Klaus powers with one issue: he’s only got thirteen years worth of memories. Oops. I’ve loved every update so far, it’s not finished but 10/10 recommend it’s seriously super fun

There are stones in my stomach and worms on my plate by TheArchaeologist - every time this fic updates I cry a little inside because I genuinely can’t wait to see where it goes tbh. It’s about Five’s issues with food and his attempts to hide it from his siblings, and him being unsuccessful at it

Childish by just_a_sunflower_girl - honestly this author updates so quickly i am genuinely in awe. The whole premise of this fic is that Five is turned into a four-year-old by the Commission to make him easier to kill and it’s just a whole lot of cute content and y’all know i’m a sucker for cute content okay?? It also has a sequel bless

Cough Syrup by sky_blue_hightops - a sickfic with a sick!Five and making an effort!Klaus, I will admit I’m an absolute sucker for sickfics,, actually just any fic where a character I like who is usually tough ends up vulnerable,,, i just want to smother five in hugs okay is that too much to ask

Traumaversary by WeWalkADifferentPath - oh man this one is so good like the style of writing like i’m always a sucker for the choppy style when done well and this is done well. It’s about a year after they stop the apocalypse, when April 1st is drawing up, and I’m pretty sure I genuinely cried reading it. Klaus is the best brother, bless his heart

once more, with feeling by iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid - this one is a post-jump fic where they’re all 13 again and Five,, isn’t handling it all that well. Well, he is in that he’s being protective of his siblings, and isn’t in that he’s getting exactly no sleep and it doesn’t seem to occur to him that his siblings are allowed to be protective right back

This years love by LWF - Dolores goes missing and Five freaks out. I just really really like this one because while in the show Five gave up Dolores willingly, if it had gone down any less willingly I think there would be big problems. This one isn’t very Luther friendly, but it leaves room for him to improve I think

As it was by hotcocoaaa - look i have no excuse I just like some gentle five whump occasionally and the family being hit over the head with the realization that Five is thirteen again. The whole plot is Five almost getting kidnapped by some random dude because he’s out being 13 alone and then hopping back to the house and Allison freaking out on him and look i just really like fics where the siblings are protective of one another it’s my weakness

The moon laughs by lady_origami - holy SHIT this one isn’t done yet but it is ILLEGALLY good. Klaus is the best brother in the universe. Diego has been the real MVP of recent chapters. It’s basically the premise of being stuck in a time loop - Five jumps back with his siblings and ends up at Dad’s funeral again in his too-big suit. And then he dies, and he shows up there again. And again. It’s so fucking heartbreakingly sad and good and I want to smother all of them with love and also Five gets to be able to hear Ben it’s so blessed

looking for a place to start (everything feels so different now) by emavee - this one is recent but i fucking LOVE the premise. Thirteen year old Five jumps into the future - not to the apocalypse, but to before it. He decides he can’t face Reginald and ends up on the streets until he runs into Diego - Five just wants to figure out how he can go back and save Ben (because he found Ben’s statue/grave) and doesn’t really want to get attached to his adult siblings because he’s going to undo this world, right? I honestly cannot wait to see where this goes

okay there are a whole bunch more but i have to go to bed at some point and I keep clicking them open and then proceeding to read them again because that’s the life i’m living but this is a good list and I will probably add onto it later for sure lmao, especially with some of the tumblr fics i’ve seen that aren’t on ao3!!

[mswisegal]

Not At All

Warning: vague mention of child abuse, injuries, blood, a little swearing, a bit sexual.

A/N: it’s finally done hooray! i feel so accomplished since it took me so long in editing and writing this, it felt like i had a baby and now it’s all grown up ready to go to college. anyways, enough about me, let’s talk about this piece of work i got right here. it’s not finished yet, it has a second part so don’t worry. i thought it's best to split them cause it's way WAY too long already as i've mentioned a couple times before and thank you so much for being patient and sweet and for encouraging me to write, it helps and it brightens me up for days. i hope you have a fun time reading, muwah!

Tags: @sungoddessra, @@aria-is-trash , @mcrosiers , @aceslytherin, @kaymordeline, @im-on-blue 

Pairings: Felix/MC, Chester/MC

Felix loosened his tie and adjusted his collar, perspiration starting to build on his forehead as he ungracefully sat on his expensive dark green sofa near the fireplace. With a tired wave of his hand, a house elf appeared with firewhiskey on top of a silver tray, head low and arms stretched towards him. He took the drink and with another silent wave, the house elf bowed then disappeared.

He looked like shit, he’s aware. If anyone who knows him sees him now, hair unkempt, dress shirt crumpled in small folded creases, and sweat running down the side just near his temple, they would have gaped in disbelief.

Felix never felt so disorganized.

He knows why he just didn’t want to face it just yet. The sound of ice hitting the glass as he examined the beverage in his hand absentmindedly brought him back to the time when he first met one of his unlikely friends many years ago. The sound of the fire crackling faded and the sound of scraping silverware along with a familiar booming voice took its place.

                                                    Year One

“HUFFLEPUFF!” Yelled the Sorting Hat as it was placed on top of none other than Jane Court. Felix remembers her, he saw her coming in and out of the compartment next to his and buying sweets from the trolley lady. Nose high when asked which house she’ll be getting into.

I’ll be in Ravenclaw no doubt. Have you read Hogwarts: A Histo-

Professor McGonagall took the hat on top of the blonde girls head to reveal half of her hidden face. She was shocked, to say the least, eyes blown wide but silently got off of the chair to approach the Hufflepuff table. She was greeted with an assortment of applause and a few welcoming handshakes.

Shame. Felix thought, his hands behind his back, she has the wits for Ravenclaw but it wasn’t enough for the sorting hat it seems. He wished he knew how the hat sorts them by so he wouldn’t be so-

Despite the confidence that was placed on his shoulders when he left for the train to Hogwarts he can't help but feel nervous.

What if the hat places him somewhere other than Slytherin? Is he even Slytherin enough? His father would hex him if he wasn't. Merlin forbid that he'll be placed in Gryffindor of all houses.

Felix suppressed a shiver when phantom green lights directed at him flashed behind his eyelids.

“Next we have-“

He felt a light tap on his shoulder. Felix stopped midway from listening and looked behind him to come face to face with a boy with coffee brown eyes and neatly gelled hair, shining under the floating candles above. "What house do you think you'll be in?" He whispered as he looked over to the next student getting sorted.

Felix didn't feel the need to answer because the boy opened his mouth before he could even reply. "I think I might be placed in Gryffindor, my little brother occasionally tells me I'm brave. I mean, if that's how the hat sorts us by. Though I doubt it, bit too easy if that's the case."

Felix didn't say a word, he didn’t have to, he kept his mouth shut despite the rising disdain he has for the gelled haired boy already. No one was placed in Gryffindor that didn't cause any trouble. They are loud, messy, and all over the place. His father said.

There was a moment of silence before the boy jumped, a look of realization on his face. "Oh sorry mate, forgot to introduce myself. I'm Chester Davies." Chester held out his hand for him to shake and he politely took it in his hand and shook it briefly before letting go.

"Rosier," He paused letting his family name sink in, voice low and devoid of any interest, "Felix Rosier."

"Saw you sitting in the compartment alone earlier in the train. I wanted to say hi but didn't want to disturb you, you seemed pretty preoccupied." Chester chuckled before continuing, "I do that too whenever the situation presents itself."

Felix was yet to respond and Chester raised a curious brow, "You sure aren't talkative, that makes you a good study partner. Say, do you find Divination weird or interesting?"

"Felix Rosier." Called Professor McGonagall looking around among the first years. Felix straightened his back, his name echoing among the Slytherin table. He could feel them staring at him, waiting.

He stepped out of the crowd to sit on the chair the professors provided without a second glance at Chester. After this, they wouldn't be able to talk to each other anymore and he found himself relieved, he didn't want to associate with anyone like him.

The ugly hat was placed on top of his head, almost too slow for his liking. “Ah, I see. You're one of them aren't you?" The Sorting Hat's voice is deep especially up close, Felix could feel it trying to understand him inside his head.

Legilimens. Hissed his father when he thinks he’s being untruthful. "Hmmm.... yes that is quite tragic." Drawled the hat thoughtfully. Felix began to feel uncomfortable on how transparent he is to the hat now and wished nothing more than to get this over with.

"Dangerous, very dangerous." It muttered. "You're a Slytherin no doubt, your ambition outmatches your father and your grandfather's. You have a right to be proud.” The heavy load seemed to have lifted from his chest making him sigh in relief.

"But too much ambition can lead you to a lot of trouble boy, best to stay out of it."

Felix was confused despite the swelling pride blossoming in his chest. "What do you mea-"

"SLYTHERIN!" Yelled out the Sorting Hat and it was taken off of him. Felix stood up, brows knitted together trying hard to decipher what it said.

Now walking towards the Slytherin table, he saw a few familiar faces with others he didn't recognize. They whispered to each other and looked over at him, whether it's mild interest, admiration, or calm indifference he didn't entertain them.

They know who he is and it gave him great comfort and a gut-wrenching distress that he hides perfectly behind a stoic expression.

"Welcome to Slytherin Rosier, the house will expect great things from you." The current Prefect told him before telling a few of his fellow Slytherins to move aside and give space for him to sit.

"Chester Davies!"

The familiar name rang and Felix turned around from his seat to see Chester walking stiffly towards the front, clearly nervous. When the hat was placed on top of his head he was sweating and pulling at his collar.

"YOU WANT TO BE IN GRYFFINDOR EY?!" Yelled the Sorting Hat and the Great Hall erupted in laughter. Chester shrank and a pang of remorse made it's way to the surface. Felix internally sighed, Shame.

The hat was talking to him and it seemed that Chester was the only one who can hear it and the student's laughter died down. The Gryffindors were eager to add another poor soul to their bunch and some were leaning over to try and catch what the hat was saying.

A momentary pause, the hat looks like it was in thought before yelling.

"RAVENCLAW!"

The Ravenclaw table erupted in noise, clapping and standing up with big smiles on their faces as Chester hopped off from the chair to walk over to his table. On edge, the boy almost tripped over the stairs before composing himself and walking much faster than necessary.

Felix wasn't expecting that, maybe there's a small chance they'll be able to talk to each other that now he isn't sorted in that house. 

One thing crossed his mind when he thought of Chester. The boy who was hunched over, overwhelmed by the attention he was receiving.

Felix doesn't envy him, no, not at all.

                                                 End Year One

He let out a dry laugh as the memory, still fresh from his mind like it happened yesterday, came back almost choking him. One glass wasn't enough, not even a bottle. With a silent call, the glass was refilled by a house elf before leaving him again to his own devices.

Felix learned earlier in life that not everything happens the way you expect it to be, that you don't get your way unless you do something about it. It was basic knowledge, everyone knows that.

How did his father reach being a member of the Sacred Twenty-Eight? How could they have obtained a large sum of gold? Surely not standing around and doing nothing, his family line would have ended before it even began.

Evan Rosier didn’t stop getting what he wanted, there was no hesitation written in his actions if Felix ever felt like remembering him despite the bitter and burning taste in his mouth that the firewhiskey can never outmatch.

But where is he now?

Dead.

Evan Rosier died in the war. He didn’t make it because he was a fool for following a supposed 'Dark Lord' who got defeated by a damn infant. 

Felix was twelve when he received the news.

                                                     Year Two

It was October and Hogwarts is in lockdown. Students aren't permitted to leave their common room after six and Felix was in his dormitory anxiously reading Guide to Advanced Transfiguration using the light from his wand to be able to see the text. It was better to occupy himself than think about the ongoing war in the wizarding world.

It's been weeks since he received a letter from his mother and thought that the ministry might have interfered with parents communicating with their children who are currently in school. It wasn't the most practical but it's reasonable, especially when you're a son of a Death Eater.

Felix spent his time alone and some classes were canceled so they had more free time than usual. The muggle-born and half-bloods are all shaking along with other lesser purebloods who, at least, had a higher chance of survival than the rest.

He couldn't sleep.

Thank Merlin the professors weren't paying much attention to the student's school work or else he would be failing class after class. Felix wouldn't stop worrying about his parents or the outcome of this war would be.

He had met the Dark Lord, saw him only once when his father decided to invite him over. The dark wizard's presence was suffocating, he couldn't even begin to describe how his magic surrounded him like fog, ready to take the air out of Felix's lungs to the point he was suffocating during dinner and the only thing that kept him on his toes is his mother's reassuring squeeze on his leg.

Felix has bags under his eyes but kept his posture straight, hair combed neatly, and is as cold and forward as always. Some students were avoiding him, he can tell, they stepped out of his way whenever he walks by.

There's little to no students left appearing in classes, some preferred to stay in their common room until they are called out for food. The professors understood or simply had their own worries to even consider it a problem.

Gryffindors were as ballsy as ever and are mostly the ones who cut through the tension in the air to help forget momentarily about the war along with encouraging Hufflepuffs and reasonable Ravenclaws.

Chester was one of the few who was still buried deep in the books. Felix never thought much about it because he is a pureblood and he doesn't even need to worry about being hexed from this life to the next.

Somehow he was the only one Felix can really talk to during this time. Well, if talking also means reading quietly in the library together until the sun sets then they are quite acquainted.

They would occasionally talk, they don't just sit there in awkward silence. Chester is mostly the one who fills the air with nonsense and Felix would only reply if needed. Neither ever talked about the war.

Chester fits into all the categories his parents would allow him to have in a friend. He's a pureblood, not a Gryffindor, quite book smart, and isn't one to look for trouble.

This continued until November hits. He heard some students whispering, asking each other if Halloween will be celebrated inside of Hogwarts this year. Idiots. Felix hissed at them in his mind. You think of parties when people are out there dying? He didn’t know anymore, he was unsure. There was something wrong but he just couldn’t find it. Felix was so confused.

He questioned his father’s decision for a second and he immediately banished it from his mind. To question his father is to question himself and he wasn’t ready for that. Not now, maybe not ever. Felix feared the day everything he grew up to be was just something that could easily be proven as a lie. 

He breathed, In and out, he told himself as he kept walking. A Slytherin walked past him, head low, their hair framing their tired face.

A letter arrived before the day ends.

He was on his way to the library, a new book in hand when an owl hooted at him from the distance. It wasn’t familiar but he took the letter that was dropped on top of his head. Felix thought that the sender might not need him to reply.

The owl wasn’t familiar but the seal with his family crest was, he picked it up instantly, looking around for any signs of life. When he found none, he opened the envelope.

‘Felix, this is your mother. Forgive me but I have to make this letter brief, I have unpleasant news.

Strange. He thought. Felix began to feel uneasy, he could feel his mother's stress through the parchment.

Your father fought for the Dark Lord bravely my son, he did the best he could to rid the world of impurity. Our Lord has fallen by the hands of none other than Harry Potter and now we are facing a conundrum. With your father gone and our family name tarnished because of Igor Karkaroff, I will be sent in for questioning.

No news as of yet of this matter, only that the Ministry wants to talk to me. For now, you will focus on your studies and will continue to remain oblivious of your father's connection to the Dark Lord and anything relating to his death.

I will be planning a late funeral in December. Until then you won't be receiving letters from me. Destroy this message after you finish it.’

Felix’s hand was sweaty and it dampened the thin expensive paper, he gripped it so tightly in his hand that it crumpled. The boy’s face was blank, hickory eyes darker than usual despite the soft glow of the sunset on his face.

Evan Rosier, a man Felix looked up to most of his life, is now dead. His mother didn’t let him know how he died but knowing him, he wouldn’t have gone down being pliant and begging for mercy.

A hole in his chest opened like a black pit, an endless void. Felix couldn’t feel anything, doesn’t feel anything other than this cold sinking feeling. They lost the war, his father is dead, Voldemort got defeated, and his father is dead.

“Incendio.” He whispered and the letter bursts into flames, leaving no trace of anything other than the smell of burnt paper mixed with thick ink in the air. The thought of visiting the library didn’t sound appealing anymore, he turned and headed back to the Slytherin common room.

“Felix, wait up!” Called Chester in the other end of the hallway, he jogs towards him, robes flying behind him slightly. He grasped Felix’s shoulder to stop him and a pang of something made it’s way up starting in his stomach, to his chest, then to his throat. He wanted to lash out, to yell but his father’s words crept into his subconscious.

You are a Rosier.

A Pureblood

Know your place.

And he swallowed, letting the words die just right at the tip of his tongue. “I didn’t see you today so I thought I’d check up on you.” Chester, the boy with neatly gelled hair, stood in front him. “Are you alright?” He asked, tone careful with barely hidden worry in his features.

Felix brushed it away with a nod. “Fine, I just noticed the time.” With how the sun is nearly disappearing he knows that they’ll be ushered back into their respective rooms soon. “I have to go.” He side-stepped Chester and went back to walking ahead.

“Wait!”

“What?” Felix hissed low, irritation leaking out from his steady facade. “If... if you want someone to talk to. You can- I mean, my door’s always open.”

He stiffened, thoughts racing. Did he saw?

“See you around.” Without waiting for a reply, Chester walked back from where he came, hands in his pockets. The quick clicking of his shoes began to sound faint until Felix couldn’t hear it anymore. His knuckles turned white as he clutched The Monster Book of Monsters.

                                                 End Year Two

The glass in Felix's hand crinkled as he gripped it tightly, eyes distant. Evan Rosier died in the hands of Mad-Eye Moody, rumor has it he took a portion of his nose before leaving this earth. 

He took another sip of his drink.

Felix was right, his father is too proud and stubborn to back down even if it was a dozen Aurors taking him all at once. He was given two options, to rot in Azkaban or to die. Both weren't ideal but dying was the easiest way out and what better way to describe a Slytherin?

Felix could feel it again, the empty dark hole that seemed to have made a home in his chest. He would never say it out loud but he was glad that his father died. The old man was better off dead anyway, with him gone Felix can do whatever he pleases.

He can ignore his mother, especially her suggestions of potential wives. She had been showing him photo after photo of women whenever he comes over, it was almost rehearsed. A different month a different girl and she grew frustrated that he wouldn't pick one. She insisted on knowing about his preferences but unfortunately for her, Felix doesn't have any.

Unless if it's-

Felix stopped right there. No. He reminded himself, Stop.

But his mind wouldn't let him. The walls he put up is starting to crack and he couldn't halt the tiny bits and pieces of memory that slips through the gaps. Felix licked his lips, throat beginning to dry instantly.

A girl was running, skirt flying as she ran around the familiar grassy field filled with wildflowers, chasing the pages from her notes that got caught by the wind-

the color of her cheeks, the flutter of her eyelashes, the small bounce in her step-

her bright eyes, her soft lips-

her hair, her voice, her smile, her-

everything.

The walls collapsed and thoughts of her hit him like a tidal wave, it was drowning him, Felix could hardly breathe. The hole in his chest is suddenly being filled with something he didn't dare name. It kept pouring in but it didn't make him feel full. It didn't help soothe the ache.

He was still hungry, wanting more of whatever she has to offer. He laps up the attention she gives him, savor the small touches that ghosted over his skin for days, he eats up the words that went past her lips when she's talking to him.

Felix was the dog next to its master's table wishing for a few lucky bites of whatever it is on the plate.

The glass in his hand shattered, unaware of the grip he had around the fragile thing. The sharp pain made him refocus on his dark and gloomy surroundings, reminding himself to breathe. In and out.

The glass dug in his palm and the color of his blood shined almost black in the barely lit room. The light in the fireplace flickered and he felt uncomfortably warm. Felix's palm opened letting the blood drip down to stain the carpet.

“Have you seen her?”

                                                     Year Five

“Yes, I have.” Replied Felix who was facing Chester, “It’s impossible not to.” With a butterbeer in hand, he took a drink to hide his amusement. The edges of his mouth curling upwards as his lips touched the glass. The boy, who no longer gell his hair but let his locks loose, glared at him from across the table.

“Then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t you feel a little bit sorry for me, for what I have to deal with for two more years?” Chester has his arms in front of him, palms open as if asking for Felix something. Unable to stop, he covered his mouth to silence his hysterics.

Chester scowled. “Some friend you are.” Felix coughed before waving his hand. “My apologies but it’s not my fault you have little to no luck in life at all.” He said with simple directness.

“Great. I’m so glad you find my pain entertaining.” He sighed, “First it’s Jacob and now her. I don’t think I’ll survive until the end of the year, let Ravenclaw win the house cup for seven years straight in memory of me.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “Don’t be dramatic, you’ll do fine. She couldn’t be worse than her brother.”

“You don’t know that!” Chester exclaimed, hands on his head, messing his neatly combed chestnut hair. "Have you ever met him? Talked to him? He's absolutely mad, bonkers, at his wits end! He kept talking about these cursed vaults like a lunatic! He wouldn't drop the subject that's why he got expelled!"

Felix was taken aback by Chester's sudden outburst. So it's that bad huh? How can someone be able to cause this much trouble? He thought and immediately try to calm his friend down.

"Listen, she's an eleven-year-old girl. What could she possibly do? Lumos her way in?” Smirking, he could see Chester’s tense shoulders relax little by little. “Besides I’m sure she learned a lot from her brother getting expelled. Do you think she’ll throw away her own opportunities to find, possibly non-existent, cursed vaults?”

“I can see where you’re getting at, I really do Felix.” He sighed again, “But you see, she thinks that her brother isn’t dead. Just, you know, missing.” Chester gestured in front of him, his own butterbeer forgotten. "I ask her why she thought that but she only gave me a short reply.”

There isn't a body so he isn't dead.

“She wouldn't believe it if there isn't any evidence that he is."

"I would say that's quite a solid argument," Felix mused, rubbing his chin. "I wouldn't put it past her if she thought that her brother isn't gone yet. Though I believe that she wouldn't be stupid enough to retrace his footsteps."

"I doubt it.” Chester groaned out pinching the bridge of his nose before taking his butterbeer and drinking it. It already dropped to room temperature but it seems like he didn’t care. “One of the reasons why I asked you to Hogsmeade, besides letting off some steam, is that I wanted to ask you about a first-year named Merula Snide."

The familiar name got him straightening his back. What did she do this time? He hissed in his head, irritation seeping through his being. "And what's so interesting about her that you feel the need to ask?"

"She's taking every opportunity to get Jacob's sibling in trouble. She reported to me that Ms. Snide put Bulbadox powder in her cauldron causing it to explode and after being tricked she got trapped with Rowan Khanna, her friend, inside a closet with a Devil Snare."

“Does she have any evidence that Merula Snide did all these?” Felix guessed that she doesn’t have any but he believes her, Snide caused a lot of problems already at the start of the year by mentioning You-Know-Who carelessly and the urge to set her straight right now increases. Another one to taint the Slytherin name? Not on his watch.

Chester pursed his lips. “No.”

“Then that’s quite a bold accusation.” He stated calmly but Chester only shook his head. "She insisted that it was her, I'm not saying she isn't lying either because I was not there to see it for myself. I just ask of you to look out for any suspicious behavior regarding Ms. Snide. I already had enough headaches to last a lifetime." With a last deep sigh, Chester took his butterbeer and downed the whole thing.

Felix felt pity for him as he watches Chester empty the glass. His hair was messy, his eyes tired, and his mouth was shaped into a temporary frown. Merlin, he hoped one day to never end up looking like that.

                                                 End Year Five

Felix laughed at the irony of it all. He laughed through the pain. How dumb can you be? He asked himself, his own cruel tongue lashing at him, creating wounds that Episky can never heal.

There was a small figure standing not far from where he's sitting, it was a house elf holding a wet towel, looking at him with big eyes filled with worry. The creature didn't dare speak now, afraid of the consequences if he did.

Felix's laughter died down, slumping back against the sofa with a loud thump. Who knew that he would feel for her this way in the future? He was never really good at Divination even if he had good grades in the subject, he always thought that it was a load of bull anyway.

And what good would it do to see yourself years from now pining over a girl that would never want him the way he wanted her? Fuck that, he'll eat his own heart out first then hers. The thought made the corner of his mouth twitch.

Running his tongue over his lips, Felix asked himself what flavor does he think she would taste like. She would be sweet, no doubt.

When have you become so morbid?

"Master, Rico wishes to s-serve.” Stuttered the house elf, approaching the sofa with shaking legs. "M-Master is hurt."

Felix was unresponsive but moved his injured hand to the side. His arm plopped lazily on the armrest, palms open in invitation and Rico rushed to heal him and clean up the mess he made. 

The pain on his hand disappeared when the elf put his own palm over it and with a snap of his finger, the blood stain in the carpet disappeared, along with the broken glass.

"Rico brought Master a towel." Rico offered the wet towel but Felix decline by turning his head away to stare straight into the fire. "Leave me." He said voice hoarse and the elf, with sad eyes, quickly obliged.

                                                       Year Six

Fast heavy footsteps were echoing around the empty library and Felix felt the need to look up, so he did. It was Chester, with fire in his eyes and books tucked under his arm. Felix knew what this was all about and he mentally prepared himself.

The Ravenclaw prefect slammed his books down in front of him and thank Merlin the uptight librarian wasn't there to hear it or else she would have thrown a fit.

"Now, Chester, calm down-"

"No Felix, I'm done." Chester fumed, "I've had enough complaint from my house, from Jane, and from Angelica. You said you'll do something about it but I don't see any progress, it’s almost as if you’re letting them.”

Offended, Felix stood, his chair scraping the floor making a screeching sound. "I'm not responsible for the actions of others nor do I control it." He seethed, "But rest assured that I'm doing my best in order not to let them offend your sensitive ego."

Perhaps it wasn't the right words to say by the way Chester's face gradually becomes red. Felix took great pleasure knowing that he had hit a spot, though it was short-lived. Guilt made its way down the pit of his stomach and he wants to vomit an apology out but his pride wouldn’t let him so he swallowed.

Jaw tightening, Chester narrowed his eyes. "This isn’t about the damn house points, let Jane do the job of throwing heads. You're aware of what this is about, don't act coy.” He retorted, his hands balled into fists. “It’s about the bullying, quite obvious really since your house is fucking full of them!”

Felix gritted his teeth, "And what about Gryffindor? I don't see you both complaining to Angelica."

“It’s more likely that your house is the one who initiated it and this is different.”

“What makes you believe that?”

“Because a snake would do anything to save its own skin and you know damn well Slytherin contains a lot of fucking dickheads." It was quiet, both of them staring each other down. Felix can’t confirm or deny it. Though he expected much more from him than this. It was unfair, he didn’t want it to happen. It wasn’t his fucking fault.

The Slytherin prefect scowled at Chester, closing his book with a loud bang. "You have a thick skull Davies, and here I thought Ravenclaws are supposed to be wise." He picked his book up before walking away.

“This isn’t over Rosier, Slytherin will answer for Eliza Mckinnon’s broken leg!” Yelled Chester from behind him and a familiar "SHHHHHHHHHH-" from Madam Pince was heard throughout the library. 

                                                  End Year Six

Who knew Quidditch could ruin friendships? Felix stood up, taking off his black tuxedo jacket and throwing it on the sofa, then he ripped his grey tie off of his neck before throwing it into the fireplace. He hated that one anyway.

Felix wondered if Chester ever thought of him from time to time while unbuttoning his white dress shirt. He remembered his plan for revenge, how pathetic it was. It was filled with restraint and doubt that it was almost laughable. Felix had a feeling that there was more to it than that but the boy was too cowardly to proceed.

Chester never really was the type.

Sebastian Jaeger, the third year Slytherin beater, knocked Elizabeth Mckinnon, the Ravenclaw seeker, off her broom resulting on breaking her leg. Felix saw it all, he was in the front of one of the stands and could see Elizabeth’s leg bent in an odd angle, lying on her back with a pained expression. The blue of her uniform was a contrast to the color green of the Quidditch Pitch.

Up high he caught Sebastian laughing with his teammates, speaking enthusiastically as if he did the best thing ever known to man. A voice echoed in his head.

You taught them that.

YOU. TAUGHT. THEM. THAT.

Felix vowed to never share or teach if he knows the other would use it for nefarious purposes, especially for something like this. It was supposed to be all in good fun, a bit of a twist to the game. 

How wrong he was to believe that those boys would ever think differently and to even assume that they see eye to eye with him-

It made Felix's blood boil.

Mckinnon came out in the infirmary good as new with a nicely healed leg, another miracle made by Madam Pomfrey, and the next Slytherin vs Ravenclaw game was canceled due to the incident. No evidence or punishment was brought down on Jaeger.

Though one afternoon he was seen in the Courtyard, drenched head to toe from being pushed by an unknown force into the fountain. He was humiliated but other than that he came out fine.

Nobody knew who did it but they all guessed it was a Ravenclaw since he was tormenting a Ravenclaw student before getting pushed, and the fact that he almost did kill a student from said house made it even more apparent.

A pair of coffee colored eyes burned straight through the back of his head, sending silent curses his way before disappearing. Leaving him dread a pair of hands would wrap around his neck and choke him.

It never came but something else grasped Felix and he was familiar with it. Regret. Which is by far more worse than any physical blow in his book.

Chester was only one of the few people he knew he could easily call a friend. He was different from the rest, he was open, enthusiastic, and he never minded if Felix just distances himself at odd times. He understood.

That’s why he felt a little guilty when he imagined her there in the room with him, admiring his physique on the sofa where he previously sat. Eyes shining under the soft glow of the fireplace when he discarded his trousers.

He felt something stirring in his lower abdomen and he groaned. Dreams and fantasies are all he has, Felix doesn't want him to take that away from him too.

Pathetic.

Her smile was wide, inviting, almost innocent. Felix thought how cruel life is as he kicked the last remaining piece of clothing off of his body before making his way up to ready himself a bath.

For a thousand time, he replayed a recent memory. Something he just saw only days prior to his sorry state today.

Felix was walking, his cane hitting the ground on one cold cloudy afternoon, he just visited his mother who is still insisting that he marries before he reaches thirty. The woman looked as if he grew a second head when he brushed off the subject and told her that he might never do so.

He only wants one girl and he doesn't want any unwanted distractions from his work.

This doesn't mean that his mother would stop all of this nonsense, she can be very persistent. It's good that he grew up to tolerate it or he would have succumbed for her to leave him alone.

He apparated just outside the building of the Ministry of Magic. Jane, who would be up there somewhere, checking the clock and guessing if he would come or not. 

The Rosier family became a large benefactor to the Ministry since the tarnishing of their family name. It was to 'compensate' for his father's actions and the Ministry was more than happy to accept.

It's important to build a good reputation. His mother coldly stated after the funeral. So that we could have people on our side when the need arises. Granted, most of them are previous Death Eaters, but they're making their way up again and that's all that matters.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

He went up the stairs, taking his sweet time knowing that Court is getting anxious by the minute. Felix likes making her wait, maybe then she would begin to realize that she isn't the big fish in the pond.

The Ministry of Magic is a wide circle of powerful people who cruelly stomp on those that don't benefit them.

Ah, politics.

Felix looked around, head held high when one or two people glance at him one too many times. He was admiring the stunning pillars when he spotted the familiar shade of chestnut colored hair among the crowd.

It was Chester leaning down to give a girl a kiss, he almost didn't recognize him with that hideous full beard he has on. It didn't suit him at all.

He was wearing an ugly brown three-piece suit with a blue trench coat and Felix grimaced at his choices of clothes. He heard that he had become an Auror, specifically a private investigator, after Hogwarts and it was the most unsuitable job he could think of for him.

He had always imagined him to be the kind of man that will be filing papers behind the desk for the rest of his life. Like Jane. He thought, scrutinizing Chester's appearance once more.

He has his silver cane in one gloved hand. His black robes, despite being simple, stood out because of the patterns of snake scales that he couldn't help but admire. It was basic yet elegant and Felix didn't know why he felt the need to compare.

Felix was ready to leave, not wanting to watch anymore, he still has many things to discuss with Jane. Then as he about to do just that, he caught a glimpse of who Chester was with. 

His eyes gradually widened and the grip on his cane tightened, a sharp pain went straight to his chest and he just couldn't believe it.

It was the girl who had forgotten him. The girl he met years ago at his doorstep asking for a look at his family’s vast book collection for 'research'.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be a bother. Angelica told me you have all sorts of books. May I- may I come in and have a look?

She was wearing black trousers with a light blue fitted dress shirt. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, and her eyes were fixed on Chester's bearded face.

And she was blushing.

Chester took off his ugly trenchcoat to wrap it around her and they started walking away from where Felix stood, his hand never leaving her shoulder. They disappeared- no, apparated away so fast that Felix thought that it might have been just his imagination.

But when will he ever imagine Chester being with her so intimately like that?

Felix couldn't remember what Jane told him but he agreed to it, which is bad since he doesn't know what she asked of him and the woman can be devious when she wants to be.

Then he remembered Cole, if it wasn't for her he would not be in this predicament. He wouldn't have met her and that would have saved him a lot of trouble. Is it that horrible? To have the chance to know her? 

Thoughts of them together went back to the forefronts of his mind and it made his chest ache once again. When he reaches his luxurious bathroom, he closed the door behind him with a click.

One thing crossed his mind when he thought of Chester. The man who was leaning down to kiss the only person he seemed to endlessly want.

Felix doesn't envy him.

No.

Not at all.

[hideyoshineki]

Writers Reflections: Tag Meme

I was tagged by @oathkeeperoxas my ultimate writing senpai uwu ❤💛❤

Rules: answer the following questions about your own writing, whether fanfic or original. If you can't/don't want to answer a question, just put N/A. If you don't have that many posted works, tell us about your WIPs or individual chapters/drabbles or even your ideas! Then tag as many writers as you like :)

AO3 name and link, if applicable: angeltrumpets

What's your most popular fic, by whatever metric is most relevant to you (hits, kudos, comments, reblogs, some other trait)?:

By Any Other Name is the most popular on AO3, but it's the only fic of mine that isn't a oneshot and it's also a soulmate AU (Hdkn from TG) so that just kinda automatically makes it more popular than my other fics.

On tumblr tho, my most popular fic has easily been A Source of Warmth, which as of now has 87 notes. It's a Hdkn TG oneshot I posted when the fandom was at its peak in 2015, however about a year ago it got a bunch more notes like a sudden attention and idk why but it was unexpected that's for sure.

What's your favourite fic that you've written?

Hmmmmmm Dancing Fireflies is my favourite in terms of the context behind it and how much damn fun it was to write, because it's a crack fic, but treated seriously, which made it more fun to write, and I also like going back and reading it again. It's also the fic with the most entertaining comments.

What's your best fic, and is it different from your favourite fic?

Recurring Illusions. It's the most recent thing I've written. (Hdkn oneshot, angst, an excuse for me to never stop being owned by Chapter 136). It really does FEEL like my best fic, as in I had a really good feeling as I was writing it! I was doing a lot that I hadn't written before, and I worked really hard on it! It came out really good!

Unfortunately because the fic is tagged with Graphic Violence and Implied Character Death, not many people are clicking to read it, but I expected that. The Graphic Violence was actually one of the things that was new to me, because most of my writing is very.... hmm uneventful? Like nothing big happens in most of my oneshots. Whereas here it was like Im writing a scene where he's killing people or eating people here how does that get written. Especilly the eating. I am very proud of the eating part of the oneshot especially because I pushed myself to go further with it and not shy away from details. I also am proud of the choices I made when writing it to display what state of mind Kaneki was in at certain parts.

Do you have a fic whose popularity surprised you?

OMG YES!!??!! Coffee And Thieves!! It's my second most viewed and kudosed fic on AO3 and I'm ????? like I'm still lost!!!!! It was a secret santa fic I wrote of the Amon/Hide/Kaneki poly ship and its popularity confuses me for two reasons: 1) I had no idea this many people would be clicking on it and reading it because honestly it's a super rare ship especially being a poly ship and I wouldn't have even known of its existence if it weren't for who I was gifting the fic to! But apparently more people are looking to read the ship than I thought! And 2) quality of writing wise it's more simplistic than some of my other fics. Like it's just fluff and I know people like reading that but it also means there's less room to like... show-off writing capabilities, you feel? Altho again, it's not like people are looking for that when it comes to fluff.

Do you have a fic you wish more people would read?

THE WITCH'S SERVANT! It's easily the oneshot I spent the most time on like I posted it months after starting it because I spent so long getting it right and soooooooo many hours working it out. But yeah it got comparatively much less attention than my other Hdkn fics. But I am still proud of it because I worked really hard on it and I got to write up what I wanted, which was the play that Hide and Kaneki brought up in the series. I wanted to look more into that and write about it, because I had seen meta and theory writers talk about Hide and Kaneki's roles in that play in relation to their roles in the overall story of TG, so I tried to integrate a little of that meta into the fic. I also included dialogue from the unused draft from the last ep from Root A in the fic. So there was a lot I was putting in, and yeah while it's a shame it didn't get more attention, I'm still happy with it and proud of it.

Is there a ship or fandom you haven't written, but really want to?

I have been wanting to write Reigisa from Free since fckn 2014. Every year I have been like "This is the year I contribute to Reigisa Week" and then I don't. And since Ive been with the ship for a long time and seen a lot of it, I feel like I know the characters and ship dynamic well enough to be comfortable writing it. But yeah Ive never gotten around to completely writing anything. Ive started a few, but they had always ended up abandoned.

Tell us a random fact about your writing process:

Ok so Im slow as shit right, like my multichapter fic from earlier has 2 chapters written and I started the fic in March this year so lol i know slowness and going ages without writing is common with a lot of writers tho

Usually what gets me going is a song putting me in a mood. Often the song won't match the mood of the fic I'm writing, as it'll almost always be a more angsty emotional song that gets me motivated, even if what I'm writing is not emotional at all. It just makes me feel like I can get things out more easily and write more interestingly.

I also save my writing docs in dropbox so I can always add to it either on my laptop or phone whenever I feel like it and it's synced up, but it never really ends up that way because nothing happens when I try to write on my phone I'm rarely able to write without the laptop setup.

Tagging @akaaka04 because Red ur the only mutual who first came to mind when I was thinking of mutuals rn who write, anyone else I can think of I'm either not mutuals with or I don't know for sure if they write or not. Sorry if I'm forgetting someone

[thesundowncrew]

The Sundown Crew’s rp plotting cheat-sheet

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: Dee OOC Contact: Tumblr IM

Who the heck is/are my muse(s) anyway:

In the main crew, we have Sammy, a nerdy ghoul boi who is the embodiment of Samhain (of the Celtic calendar) and Guardian of the Veil; Nightshade, his soul-sister and cat-turned-human witchy familiar; and last but not least Axel, the sadistic, cannibal crow mythos who’s only interested in revenge and fucking people (up).

They’re all super old and supernatural and 2/3 are always happy to meet new people!

Points of interest:

Samhain & Nightshade: guarding the Veil, keeping the balance, protecting innocent humans and mythos alike, adventuring and exploring new places, meeting people and learning new things. Sammy enjoys reading, treasure-hunting and getting lost in his research. Nightshade enjoys cooking, eating, listening to music, and keeping up with the latest memes.

Axel: looking for the biggest, baddest, toughest rivals he can fight to the death with, enjoys challenges, exploring new places, witnessing genocides and mass-murders, causing genocides and mass-murders, fucking people (up) psychologically and physically.

What they’ve been up to recently:

Samhain & Nightshade: their work and responsibilities as Guardians of the Veil. Though the Veil is at its thinnest during Hallow’s Eve (31st Oct), they work 24/7 by hunting malicious spirits and whatever dangerous creatures threatening both humans and mythos that are already existing in the world. When not on the job, they’re either out sight-seeing and visiting friends or chilling at home. They also run a small business from home by making potions, charms and selling spells or rare ingredients. Merchants and traveling caravans often stop by their place so they always have a lot of stock to trade.

Axel: whatever the fuck he wants. Mostly spends his time hunting down prey in the human world, or spreading his wings and exploring new and faraway lands/dimensions. He’s still on his quest to journey to Hell and get his revenge on the demoness who killed his whole family. Always easier said than done, but he’s patient and he plays the long game better than anyone.

Where to find them:

The crew live on an abandoned, magickal island called Sundown. Geographically, it’s somewhere up in Northern Ireland but can’t be marked on any human map. It was magickal long before any of them settled there and because of its supernatural properties, it can hide itself from the naked eye. At the same time the island and its forests are connected to every labyrinth, maze and neck of the woods across worlds and dimensions.

Samhain is always saying that the island has a mind of its own and likes to spirit people away, regardless if their living or dead. People either end up in Sundown when they least expect it, or because it’s where they’re supposed to go.

While you can easily find Samhain and Nightshade at home, Axel can’t stay cooped up in once place too long and travels all over the place. When he’s not hunting, he escapes to the quiet of the wild or the bustling big cities.

Current plans:

The narrative starts with Samhain and Nightshade already experts in their fields and doing their jobs as Guardians of the Veil, and continues with them helping Axel achieve his goal of ultimate payback. The timeline for this blog is infinite after that because I haven’t quite figured out the endgame for anything just yet. Which is why any plot that involves Axel killing Ketele, getting his heart back, and even Nightshade’s life after Samhain’s death, is considered an AU.

In terms of plans for this blog, I’m still working on things so that they can fall into place and serve as proper material for a comic. Once I’ve gotten all my ideas sorted out, those AUs might probably not stay AUs and end up being one huge main timeline.

Desired interactions:

I’d love more threads that explore the darker side of Samhain, whether it’s in the Mainverse or in any of the AUs where he’s not his usual, warm, friendly self or where he’s morally grey. Which is why I love writing him in his criminal verses! Some of my faves are: - Pirate AU: He’s the first-mate and quartermaster who has the gift of ‘Sight’ but he’s as pirate as they come. - Green Eyed Devil: Human-Ghoul hybrid bandit whose crew would do almost anything for money. - Mobprince AU: Classy and more reserved, the quiet but bloodthirsty type. I’ve always been a fan of mobs/gangs/syndicates. - Dark!Samhain: Angsty, overpowered hermit. I rarely get opportunities to write him in this verse which is a shame because I’d like to develop it more.

Nightshade’s all fun and games but once in a while, it’d be refreshing for Nightshade to do a serious thread. Like maybe deal with heavier, more sensitive topics. I’ve emphasized how she’s seen the same amount of horror Samhain has seen but comes out more mentally resilient in comparison, so I’d really like to explore that more about her. I also feel like she hasn’t been able to really connect with anyone as a real friend?? Idk how to explain it but like, I feel like she just floats between different muses and she’s so friendly with everyone, it’s hard to pinpoint whether there is a real connection between them or if it’s just Nightshade being...Nightshade? It’s none of my partners’ faults BTW! I’m reminding me to fix that about myself and how I write her.

Speaking of darker topics, I don’t mind pushing the boundaries when it comes to Axel as long as it doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable. I used to write some disturbing shit with him back in the day (like he broke into a drug lord’s flat and killed everyone in it so he could use it as his personal nest, killed and ate two police officers who were investigating the break-in, mutilated, tortured and ate a rapist alive after catching him in the act etc.). But the partners I used to write with are long gone and I feel like Axel needs to get back into the game again.

Offered interactions:

All of the above as well as anything else from my list of AUs! As mentioned on the page, that list is not the TOTAL list of AUs I’ve got. Some are just really small and still in development, and not enough to justify getting a spot on that list. Honestly, I’m open to plotting and coming up with more AUs so if you’ve got an idea, just hmu! I’ve also got a tag for ‘au ideas’ so you can browse there too if you like and tell me if anything strikes your fancy~

Current open post/s:

I don’t make open posts or starters. I prefer writing starters once my partner and I have something in mind and we’ve plotted enough to go about it.

Anything else?:

Though the blog is advertised as a WEEKEND blog (cus I work 9-5 on weekdays), I am usually lurking online thanks to mobile and will answer IMs when free. I don’t like replying to threads on mobile so I’ll usually reply on the weekends. Unless I’m busy that weekend, then sometimes I change up the rules and reply on a Friday or whenever I’m able.

When I reply to threads, I like to release a bunch at a time and then I’ll tag my partners so that they can see how many threads I’ve replied to out of the total count, like so! The total count often changes because we could have dropped threads in between, or partners go on hiatus and they get moved from ‘ongoing’ to ‘cold’ threads. Because of this, I have a threads page which I try my best to update.

Tagged by Stolen from: @bengalisms

[thedappleddragon]

ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand.  for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun/Taemin; A Series of Lists (Part 20); PG

part 20: five times they were Blushie

From: Taemin Tuesday 4:35pm jonghyun please explain the nut meme to me

masterlist

ao3

1 “Jonghyuuun,” Taemin calls. Whines, more like, raising his voice just loud enough to hopefully be heard upstairs. He pouts to himself as he lays on his stomach on the floor, squinting to see under the couch. He doesn’t know how he lost his swiss army knife under there so easily; he was filing his nails one second, and then the next it was slipping out of his hands and tumbling into the dark void.

“Yeah?” Jonghyun’s voice calls back. Taemin turns his face to face more upwards than downwards when shouts up again.

“Do you have a flashlight somewhere?” he asks.

“Uh,” Jonghyun says. There’s a pause after that, which Taemin assumes is Jonghyun trying to finish whatever cooking task he’s doing up there in the kitchen before he tries to think. He waits patiently, shuffling to his feet and brushing dust off of his clothes. He hears the familiar noise of someone going up the stairs to the motel rooms through the wall and wonders vaguely if the people in the lobby can hear their conversation. “In my bedside table drawer,” Jonghyun calls eventually. “The middle one. In there somewhere.”

“Okay,” Taemin shouts back. He shuffles his way into Jonghyun’s room, flicking the light on as he sits at the edge of his bed. Pulling open the drawer, he peeps inside. Looks like a bunch of stuff. He moves aside a little packet of tissues, a deck of cards, a box of lube and condoms, some cold medicine, cough drops, a magazine with Taemin’s face on it, a--

Wait.

Taemin pauses, pushing a pack of sticky notes back where they first were, and--yeah, that is his own face looking up at him. Huh. Taemin pulls out the magazine, snorting when he remembers the shoot. He still doesn’t get why they had him pose in front of a wall splattered with paint, but at least he looks like a babe. He smiles to himself thinking of Jonghyun having this magazine. He must have just come across it by chance and saved it. That’s cute. Jonghyun is cute. He loves his cute boyfriend.

When he moves to put it back into the drawer, he’s stopped by yet another picture of himself. He pauses again, looks at the magazine in his hands, looks at the one still in the drawer. When he reaches in to grab that one, he realizes that it’s actually just one on top of a whole stack.

“Oh,” he says to himself, and pulls all of them out at once. “Hmm.” This is a sizeable bunch of magazines. He flips through them all to confirm that they’re all of him. Each magazine is either opened to the ads he modeled for or stuck with a little postie note on the right page. Taemin flips through all of them with varying levels of regret--why the fuck did he he take that ramen job--and the occasional fond smile. He’s never actually taken the effort to look up the shit he’s done; some of these he doesn’t look too bad in.

He also finds himself grinning more and more at the fact that these were all just stacked neatly in Jonghyun’s drawer. That his little bub has looked for and bought and saved up every instance of his modeling career. That they were conveniently placed in the drawer right by his bed. The same drawer as his lube and condoms and tissues.

Suspicious.

“Tae?” Jonghyun calls then. Taemin looks up; it sounded like Jonghyun was just on the other side of the bedroom door. Even as he glances back down at the magazines Jonghyun jiggles the doorknob and pushes it open. Taemin doesn’t even really try to hide what he was looking at. It’s not his secret. “Did you find it?” Jonghyun asks as he steps into the room. He looks at Taemin at the bed, smiles, notices magazines in his lap, tilts his head curiously. “What’re you looking at?” he asks. Taemin cocks a brow, then holds the top one up.

Jonghyun looks at it for a long moment before his cheeks start to color pink.

“Oh,” he says, and his eyes flick down to the whole stack of magazines in Taemin’s lap. “Oh,” he says again, and immediately turns and walks out of the room, lifting his hands to cover his face. A wide smile spreads over Taemin’s lips as he catches the bright blush that’s made its way all the way to the back of Jonghyun’s neck.

2 When Jonghyun comes out of the bathroom, fresh and minty and all washed up for the day, he finds Taemin still sitting up in bed, sleepy and groggy and rubbing his palms into his eyes. He smiles fondly. Cute bub. Taemin finishes rubbing his face and looks up as he enters. His lips twitch up into a little smile and he waves softly.

“Happy birthday,” he says. Jonghyun smiles even wider. Bless.

“Thanks,” he says, sliding onto the bed and draping himself over it so his head is in Taemin’s lap. “Wanna take me to breakfast?” he asks, reaching up to poke Taemin’s soft little cheek. Taemin nips at his finger, pets his hair, pats his chest.

“Sure,” he says, “but, first. I got you some stuff.”

“Ooh,” Jonghyun says as Taemin leans over the side of the bed and rustles in his bag on the floor. He loves stuff. He sits up straight as Taemin pulls out a little box and holds it in his lap.

“Uh,” he says, and pulls the top off. “I didn’t wrap any of it, but.” He shrugs and hands Jonghyun a card first. It’s cute; it has pictures of puppies in birthday hats and it says “28? Celebrate!” in bubbly letters. Inside Taemin’s drawn him a heart with little blushies on it that Jonghyun chuckles at. That’s sweet.

“And,” Taemin says, pulling stuff out of the box. “I got you some fancy guitar polish,” he says, handing the bottle over. “And, a custom scented candle that smells like leather and asphalt… and… a notebook to write music notes in… and--oh. This,” he says, leaning down to rustle in his bag again. He pulls out a red and blue plaid button up and holds it up, peeping at Jonghyun from over the collar. “Because I thought you would look cute in it, with that purple hat you have,” he says.

“Ooh,” Jonghyun says again. He knows just the hat Taemin is talking about and he agrees. He puts all of his other new stuff down and reaches for the jacket, pulling it on over his blue tshirt. “Thanks, Tae,” he says, fixing it up over his shoulders. “For everything, heck.” This is all so nice. He pops the lid off of his candle and sniffs, then sniffs more when it smells exactly like Taemin does when he first shows up with the gang after being away for two months. Holy shit. This is a very important candle that he will cherish forever.

Taemin hands him the box as well; Jonghyun giggles as he takes it and gently puts everything else back inside. He loves them and he loves Taemin. They’re such thoughtful little gifts, even the jacket, and--

“Oh!” he says suddenly. The jacket reminded him of something. Taemin hums in question and Jonghyun wiggles to the edge of the bed to get off. “I have something for you too, hold on,” he says, opening the top right drawer. He runs his fingers over all of his hats and bracelets and earrings until he finds the right jewelry box, then pops it opens and shuffles through his rings until he finds it. “Aha,” he mumbles, and takes it out.

It’s a simple thing; a black band with silverish lines on each side. He takes it back with him to the bed and sits pleasantly in front of his babe, who’s looking at his closed hand with curiosity. Jonghyun smiles and holds it up for him to see.

“I’ve been meaning to give this to you for, like, months,” he says. He’d just been forgetting, but Taemin giving him the shirt made him remember. “I think rings would suit you.” He hands it over; Taemin takes it and looks at it in the palm of his hand.

“Oh,” he says. Jonghyun nods, looking around for his present box again. He takes the top and puts it on. He’ll put everything away later. “It’s not, like, a relationship ring, or anything,” he adds as he leans over to put the box on top of his bedside table drawer. “Just, like. An accessory. You don’t have to put it on your ring--”

He stops when he turns around; stops and just looks at Taemin, right hand halfway through sliding the ring down his left ring finger, bottom lip between his teeth, vibrantly pink in the cheeks. Taemin looks back at him, eyes wide and cheeks getting darker and darker by the second. Jonghyun feels the most amused and fluttery feeling inside of him and pulling his lips up into a wide grin.

“Tae,” he says. That’s so fucking sweet and adorable. Taemin hisses a soft curse, puts his face into his hands (the black of the ring stark against his flushed skin), and stands up without looking at Jonghyun again.

“Come on, kid, let’s go get you some breakfast,” he says loudly. He grabs one of Jonghyun’s jackets at random from his coat rack to pull over his sleep shirt as he all but speeds out of the bedroom. Jonghyun follows considerably slower, making sure to grab his purple hat from his drawer on the way out.

3 From: Taemin Tuesday 4:35pm jonghyun please explain the nut meme to me

To: Taemin Tuesday 4:35pm ??????? What

From: Taemin Tuesday 4:50pm idk i say nut sometimes like “wow you really nutted that frisbee when you threw it” and everyone tells me to stop but they say it in the same tone they use when they tell someone else to stop talking about memes but the only memes i know are the booty one and the tag yourself one so im really confused

To: Taemin Tuesday 4:51pm Oh,,,, my god

To: Taemin Tuesday 4:51pm It’s not really a meme but it’s slang

To: Taemin: Tuesday 4:52pm Nut means to jizz but usually in a jokey or exaggerated way

From: Taemin Tuesday 5:20pm ?

To: Taemin Tuesday 5:21pm Sometimes it’s just a synonym for jizz or ejaculate or whatever but usually it’s to say you’re feeling a lot of good emotions about something

To: Taemin Tuesday 5:21pm Like if you see something really rad or something that you’re excited about you say that you’re gonna nut

To: Taemin Tuesday 5:21pm You’re not actually going to jizz about it but it’s funny because the idea of someone jizzing over a coupon for free pizza or a good song is funny

From: Taemin Tuesday 7:30pm oh

To: Taemin Tuesday 7:31pm Speaking of good songs I have a few more for you to listen to the next time you’re here uwu

From: Taemin Tuesday 8:15pm nut

From: Jinki Wednesday 11:30am You explained what Nut means to him didn’t you :/

4 Taemin rests his chin in his hand as he slowly sips the rest of the milk from his cereal bowl, blinking sleepily at the cute strawberry decor of the kitchen tablecloth. The little strawberries smile back at him, greeting him good morning and making him feel sunny on the inside. He knew picking this out for Jonghyun’s house would be a good idea.

At the sink, Jonghyun hums to himself as he washes the dishes of whatever breakfast he’d made and finished before Taemin woke up and slouched down the hallway. Taemin lifts his eyes to smile fondly at him instead, little and cute and peppy with his fuzzy pajama pants and dark tank top. His arm muscles look extra nice today. Not too buff and inflated by the crushing pressures of the patriarchy like they used to be for a few years, but not at that too small point that makes him pouty about too many skipped days. They’re in the middle. Just right.

A line of black just above Jonghyun’s left elbow makes Taemin pause in his breakfast and squint. Scooting his chair closer, he reaches out to gently touch Jonghyun’s arm as he puts the last dish into the drying rack. Jonghyun hums, glancing at him over his shoulder.

“Yeah?” he asks. Taemin glances up at him, then back to his elbow. With Jonghyun still like this, he can see it clearly: black ink that spells out “inspiration” with a thin red line through it.

“You got a tattoo,” he says, rubbing his thumb over it gently. When the frickie did that happen. It definitely wasn’t there the last time Taemin left three months ago, but he’s been back for almost a month already. He can’t believe that he didn’t notice until just now.

“Oh,” Jonghyun says. He smiles, turning his arm to look at it himself. “Yeah,” he says. “Four, actually.” He grabs a dish towel to dry his hands as Taemin’s brows rise into his hair. Four.

“When?” he asks curiously.

“Uh, like, a week or two after you left last time,” Jonghyun shrugs. “Here’re my other ones, see--” He holds out his right arm, pointing to three simple words on the inside of his bicep: “never the less.” Then to his left forearm, where “Story Op. 1 2” is written, and then taps the back of his neck. “The one back there is a secret,” he says, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. Taemin feels himself smiling too. That’s cute. They’re all cute. He’s heard Jonghyun say “nevertheless” a lot; whenever he’s pouty about having to do a chore but he does it anyway because he knows it’s right to do. And “inspiration” was the name he gave his first little set of concerts, and the Stories were his little album names.

“I like them,” he says, reaching up to run his fingers over Jonghyun’s bicep. They’re cute and fun and sentimental. Jonghyun beams back, booping their fingers together cutely before sitting down across from Taemin.

“I was thinking about getting a fifth, actually, I just remembered,” he says, “well, more than that, but--I was waiting to ask you about this specific one.”

“I--why?” Taemin asks. It’s Jonghyun’s body. He can do whatever the fuck he wants to it. Jonghyun smiles down at the table, bites his lip for a second, and looks back up.

“Because, um,” he says. “Inspiration and the stories were for me, and never the less is something I and my other friends say a lot together, and I wanted to get another one for… you.”

“Me?” Taemin asks blankly. A tattoo for him.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun says, nodding eagerly. “Nothing too big, but. It’s still going to be a permanent thing on my body that represents you, so I wanted to see if you were comfortable with that first before I went and did it.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal either way Taemin decides. Taemin hums shortly, not really agreeing or disagreeing. Just processing. A tattoo for him.

“I was thinking, like,” Jonghyun continues. “Hereish, on the inside of my arm.” He flips his left elbow over and draws a little circle with his finger just above the crook of it. “A little black leaf with light green veins. Because, you know, you like plants, and you have all your defense mechanisms on the outside but for me usually now you’re really bright and relaxed, and. I just think it would be cute.”

A tattoo for Taemin.

All of this information suddenly registers to Taemin all at once, and the way his body decides to react to it is by blushing violently and sliding out of his chair to sit on the floor under the table.

Jonghyun wants to get a little symbol to represent Taemin inked into his skin. He wants it there to look at and to smile at and to think about and to show off to everyone. He wants it there permanently, always, so it never goes away, even after he’s gone and in the ground. Future alien archaeologists will dig up his grave and analyze it and find evidence of the tattoo that stood for how much he loved Taemin and--

“Fuck,” Taemin whispers into his knees.

“Tae?” Jonghyun says genty. Taemin doesn’t look up, but he can tell from the direction of Jonghyun’s voice that he’s sat himself on the floor under the table with him. He appreciates that. “Are you emotional because I, your boyfriend of, like, sixteen years, wants a little ink leaf to remember you by?”

“Yeah,” Taemin squeaks. That is exactly it. What the fuck. Jonghyun laughs softly and Taemin hears him shuffling more forward until little hands appear on his knees. Jonghyun paps his knees gently, rests his chin on one.

“So is that a yes?” he asks.

Taemin nods with the tiniest noise of confirmation and feels his whole body getting warmer as he does so.

5 Jonghyun taps his fingers on the underside of the desk as the front door opens and a few bikers come in. He’s twenty-five and far too used to them all to still be getting excited like this, but he can’t help what he can’t help. Hearing all of their bikes rumbling from down the road still makes him shiver sometimes.

It’s around half the group today that parks in the front lot and it’s three that come inside. One of those three is Taemin and Jonghyun fights himself to smile at Jinki when he comes to the front counter instead. He is a professional adult working his very important professional job and he can’t make eyes at his boyfriend just because he’s shown up after two months of being away.

“Hi Jinki,” he says, shaking his excited hands out one last time under the desk before he lifts them to rest on top of it instead. “Welcome back,” he says. He glances at Kyuhyun on Jinki’s left with a little smile to greet him too, and then glances considerably longer at Taemin on Jinki’s right with a considerably larger smile. Taemin holds his gaze, eyes dark and quiet and warm, before Jonghyun makes himself look back to the leader of the gang.

“Thanks,” Jinki hums. He leans one arm on Jonghyun’s counter in a way that looks casually comfortable but Jonghyun knows is actually sleepy. They must have gotten up early this morning. “Three rooms, this time,” Jinki says, reaching in his jacket pocket for his wallet. “And six bikes.” He jerks his head backwards to indicate the little jumble of motorcycles in the parking lot waiting for their garage passes. Jonghyun notes Taemin glancing back out there as well as he nods.

“Mmhmm,” he hums. He scoots a step over to the computer and starts tapping in the normal information for Jinki’s name. “Do you have any preferences for the rooms?” he asks. They’re mostly empty today. Jinki shrugs, shaking his head, but Kyuhyun nods and leans up on the counter next to him.

“Yeah, can I get one in the back by the trees?” he asks. “I’m tired of Changmin whining about the sun,” he grumbles. Jonghyun snorts.

“Sure,” he says, tabbing over to one of the back corner rooms. In the corner of his eye, he catches a sleepy biker babe kind of shuffling to the side. He glances at Taemin as he’s reaching under the counter to grab the three sets of keys. He has his forearm casually on the counter as he slides down it, towards the wall, towards the gap between the two. When Jonghyun hands the keys over and starts entering in the parking information, Taemin slowly steps behind the counter. He starts making his way back to Jonghyun, scooping a business card from a little stack in a blatantly obvious attempt to look like he’s not being sneaky.

Jonghyun grins to himself as he pulls six little placards from a drawer.

“Here you go,” he says, giving Jinki the keys and five of the passes. He sets the last one on the desk, patting it pleasantly as Taemin super casually slides right behind him and slips his arms around his waist. He sees Kyuhyun roll his eyes and Jinki smirk knowingly at Taemin over his shoulder and tries not to smile too wide. He’s really grown to love these public displays of affection Taemin gives him sometimes. He thinks it’s nice that they’re both more comfortable enough for shit like this.

“Thank you,” Jinki says pleasantly, taking both the keys and cards in one hand. With his other he hands Jonghyun his credit card and then props his chin in his hand as he waits. Jonghyun rests his right hand on top of Taemin’s on his stomach and uses his left to swipe Jinki’s card and take care of the money. He’s sure that no one will mind the extra few seconds it takes him to do things one-handed. And if anyone does, he’s sure that Taemin won’t mind taking a second from how he’s nuzzled into the back of Jonghyun’s neck to frown at them about it.

He finishes logging everything into the computer and smiles the customer service smile he’s been perfecting back at Jinki, handing his card back easily.

“Okay, thanks,” he says. “Enjoy your stay.”

“Mmhmm,” Jinki smiles. He glances at Taemin as he slots his wallet back into his pocket. “Dinner at that place you like in town later,” he says.

“Mmhmm,” Taemin hums back. Jonghyun feels him give a little nod behind him. He waves the other two off, watching them walk back outside to roll their bikes into the garage. Jonghyun assumes that since Taemin is here clinging to his back that he parked in an outside spot and is going to move his bike later. When the door closes behind Jinki, Jonghyun starts to turn in Taemin arms. Taemin’s hands on his waist guide him the rest of the way until he’s looking up at his babe, sleepy and quiet.

“Hi,” he says. He slides his hands up Taemin’s stomach to pap against his jacket. Taemin slides one hand up to Jonghyun’s chin, tiling his face up gently. His thumb rubs lightly over his lower lip, dark eyes intent on his mouth, before he leans down and kisses him.

Jonghyun melts into it easily, amused but not surprised at Taemin’s bluntness. He isn’t kissing hard, just deep, each breath a slow movement of his lips against Jonghyun’s. He holds Jonghyun’s face close with a hand on the side of his neck and his body close with a hand on his hip. Jonghyun likes it. A quiet voice at the back of his head nags about being seen like this by anyone but he knows that they have at least another minute before all of the bikers come inside. He can indulge himself in his boyfriend for a little bit if he wants to. And he can let Taemin indulge in him as the very first thing he does here in two months.

“Hi,” Taemin breathes when he finally pulls back. He rubs his thumb over Jonghyun’s cheek as Jonghyun’s eyes flutter open. Jonghyun licks his lips as he meets Taemin’s eyes. Taemin watches the movement, thumb sliding down to tap the corner of his mouth. “I had a dream about your lips this morning,” he says quietly. “I couldn’t stop thinking about them.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun says, and that’s all it takes. Just that one, simple, honest statement that has heat creeping up into his whole face. He hides his face in his hands, pressing close to lean into Taemin’s shoulder. Taemin dreamt about him. What the fuck. That’s so. Beautiful and wonderful. He’s gonna fucking implode.

“I made you blush,” Taemin says. His voice is a guilty little mumble as he wraps his arm fully around Jonghyun’s waist. “Sorry,” he says.

“Nnnn,” Jonghyun says. He shakes his head, leaning back and lowering his hands just enough so he can peep up at Taemin. “It’s not an anxiety blush,” he says. The furthest thing from it for once, honestly. “It’s a flattered blush. Don’t feel bad.” He knows Taemin has been really trying to be gentle with his anxiety lately now that he’s getting a better hold on it and he doesn’t want him to think that he’s fucked up. Taemin looks down at him, relief in the way his fingers curl into the hair at the nape of Jonghyun’s neck.

“So, like, a good blush?” he asks. Jonghyun smiles and nods, lowering his hands to give Taemin a quick little peck.

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s good.” Taemin hums shortly, kissing him again. He pulls back and rubs his knuckles lightly over the pink of Jonghyun’s cheeks.

“Good,” he says, and there’s a fond warmth in his voice that makes Jonghyun warm all over again. “You’re really cute when you blush,” he says.

“Oh my fucking god,” Jonghyun says. He buries his face in Taemin’s shoulder again, pink all the way down to his soul as his heart swells.

[furryanarchist-blog]

this is gonna b long, but im mad and got issues with the inclusionist side. if u got somethin 2 add (cus lets b honest this gonna b biased as fuck bc i only interact with the worst of the inclusionists so i probs wont see the worst of the exclusionists) feel free to add it, id appreciate it and would b relieved 2 b proved wrong if u actually can prove it. (tldr; is at the end of the post)

tw: uncensored q slur, swearing, bold, brief nazi & concentration camp mentions

when talking about ace discourse, it is a intracommunity issue. its all lgbt+ people arguing with each other because of how they see things differently. so when addressing the discourse as a whole you have to acknowledge all the sides of it, because there isnt just one. that being said you can still discuss the issues that inclusionists have and the issues exclusionists have just talking about in those groups seperately. i see a lot of posts that discuss the “entirety of the discourse” but just talk about the opposing views they have. thats created a whole bunch of different standards each side has been held accountable for.

this post by @dogsanddiscourse is a great example of how each side is held to different standards. those who participate in the discourse on the inclusionist side do tend to ignore the issues on their side. even when shown how it can be problematic, a majority will still not acknowledge it. a good example of this is the CAH discourse. both sides made a cardcast discourse pack (exclusionists, and the 2 inclusionist ones x  x ) and there was plenty of talk about them. for instance the deck made by @x-q-u-e-e-r-x which featured many slurs (none of which have been used in ace discourse) had many people reblog and support it, where as the exclusionist deck got flack for including ace and aro identities. i have pointed out to people that some cards in the inclusionist pack were iffy at best, and no one has yet to acknowledge that. if you have a issue with something (cah discourse packs) you should acknowledge both sides who are doing it, not just the opposite side. (another example if u wanna look at smthing real bad is everything to do with discourseshit)

what i really hate the most is that you cant ask inclusionists to take a look at what someone is doing without 1) “attacking all aces and aros” 2) “accusing a entire side for one persons actions” 3) “being a bigot”.

people (not everyone!! but there are people who rb from these blogs) are continuously reblogging from people who have said straight up homophobic things like acerecourse, uninueclus, wetwareproblem, golbatgender / periegesisvoid, myidentityisnotaslur / memestealingasexuals, featherinmycapandcheese, and ppl like tenichyfingers, theangrybi / robotbisexual, kuroba101, drg-aido, vaspider, strategicgoat, juunkrat (who i havent seen in the discourse tag for a while, but this is why i dont like them) i could go on. there are many popular inclusionist blogs that people will continuously reblog from and support no matter how many times they will be called out. but, on the other side. as soon as a exclusionist has done something problematic they are immediately exiled and cut off (which is toxic and a whole nother discussion for a dif post)

even when not talking about specific people but ideas and symbols inclusionists will never directly address it but instead ignore it. i havent once (pls correct me if im wrong im beggin to b wrong) seen inclusionists speak out about: the ace triangle (a direct parallel to the triangles gay people had to wear in nazi concentration camps), not calling people things they dont want to be called (queer, allosexual), using “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” to co-opt cishets into the lgbt+ community. where as the exclusionist side will no-platform ad ignore anyone whos been called out, (example, example (u just gotta tell me who and ill look into it), example)

tldr; i just got a huge problem with the inclusionist side cus none of nyall will take accountablity for shit u say like this. everyone just sweeps it under the rug and ignores it. its frustrating especially when people turn around and say “well ur side did this” to completely ignore the problems uve been shown. and its not even u so y r u defending them. like seriously, its not impossible for u to acknowledge that uve made mistakes, everyone does. like all i want,, if for everyone to just step up and be responsible. like, if u say shit, u gotta take shit, u cant just keep hiding and blocking. square up and take responsibility for your actions