#so if it’s a bit chaotic that’s why
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I know those eyes.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#wen ning#Sibling similarity but you only see it when you realize they have the same soggy eyes.#These two always struck me as a bit of a play on Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli for 'siblings who contrast each other.#But after spending a lot more time marinating on Wen Ning I actually think they are way more similar that is initially apparent.#Sure their surface level personality traits are pretty contrastive. But they both are so willing to risk their lives for what's right#Who raised them? In a story so full of examples of how parents shape their children - why are these two lacking in parents?#I imagine that Wen Qing is the older sibling and so her morals of 'help those who need it no matter who they are' got passed a long.#But how did *she* arrive there? Was that instilled within her or was it a reaction against bearing witness to callousness and cruelty?#We'll never know..the only thing I can say for certain is Wen Qing is *so* soggy in the audio drama.#She's like the ant with the bindle. It's a hell of a way to bring a previously sharp tongued character back into the narritive.#Side note: Thank you all for being so patient and kind while I took my break!#It's been a very chaotic few weeks and I didn't realize how bad my burnout was getting. I'm back and ready to keep drawing again!
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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I was super lucky to win a commission from @nerdferatum and can't thank Sara enough for this absolutely gorgeous art of Kyrahlise and Shery! I'm in love with it have literally cried over it three times now! I really hope folks can see some of the romance novel cover art inspiration going on here, I thought it was what Shery deserves! Also, please zoom in on the full piece, because you can't see Kyrah's adorable freckles here with how much tumblr compresses the image, and that's a damn shame. Now please excuse me while I go stare at it some more!
Edit: In my excitement, I forget to tag @shepherds-of-haven because without the game there couldn't be this beautiful drawing!
#Sara was so wonderful to work with! they took all my vague ideas and made them so much better than what I'd envisioned!#and she perfectly captured the vibe I was going for!#this is now the background on my laptop!#apologies for no image ID -- I tried to write one several times and my brain was like “I can do words but not those words”#why? idk#hopefully I can add one later#shery acquell#oc: kyrahlise niriviel#shepherds of haven#shoh#commissioned art#okay weird minor head canons about this piece incoming:#it's set a few years after the main events of the game so Shery is more confident and secure in their relationship#is Shery reading a romance novel? of course! might parts of that romance novel get reenacted in a little bit? quite likely ;)#also I imagine Kyrah's life isn't quite so chaotic and violent as it was during most of the game or before it#so she's able to take better care of her hair resulting in it being nice and fluffy!#would her hair look like that during the game? no. she travels too much and doesn't have time to take great care of it
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Saw the new outsiders musical photoshoots from their instagram and:
I’m not crying you’re crying
#liz.txt#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#the outsiders musical#the musical’s new photoshoot of the cast looked so similar to the original film poster i almost teared up#idk why it just did made me tear up a bit#like look how similar it is to the original#the outsiders musical cast is perfect and chaotic and I love them sm
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honestly part of the reason i've been really looking forward to finally playing light fingers (aside from the obvious horrors and whatnot) is because it, alongside bag a legend, contains a Choice™ i to this day am Extremely Torn About Making. like i've known for ages that the Choice™ exists in this ambition and STILL i am undecided about it. this Choice™ is of course. well. let's just say that by the time this ambition ends, caeru may not be the only catboy around town
#the bag a legend choice if ur curious is actually just. straight-up the ending. im not sure which one my BaL PC will end up with#all the other ambitions ive been Reasonably Certain about which path im choosing (especially in the case of the scoundrel)#(i kind of immediately decided i wanted the robe and built their character backwards from there)#but bag a legend? i CANNOT choose. they're all equally appealing to me. and to my BaL PC as they exist in my head rn#but BaL is practically a world's away so we (and i) don't need to dwell on it atm. we've got plenty of time lmao#the same goes for This Choice™ in light fingers. i'll decide when i get to it.#a lot will just depend on how the rp and story stuff plays out leading up to that point#who knows. maybe by the time he gets there lark will have become the fingerking's second biggest stan (after louise of course)#part of the fun i get in cyoa games is equal parts meticulously plotting out a character journey and just#seeing where the character vibes take me as i go along. it's a bit chaotic but ultimately very fun#that's why i keep talking about future events as though this is an actual story and not made up oc rp stuff btw#im just really insane about thematics and arcs in my roleplaying games#yin-thoughts#fallen london
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What's your opinion on malewife/house husband Adrien posts? I asked this to another blog, and like I said to them, I find them a guilty pleasure: The concept is cute, but I know that would be the last thing Adrien would ever wanna be after all his dad put him through.
I don't think that it would be the last thing that Adrien would ever want. I actually think it suits his character in a lot of ways, you just have to handle the topic with care.
First let's talk about why it suits him.
Miraculous has totally failed to give Adrien any sort of career-based passion and - if we ignore the senti complication - I honestly love that for him! I want more characters with no major life ambitions to balance out the Marinettes of the world!
I think that society places way too much pressure and value on finding the perfect career that fulfills us in every way while also allowing us to put food on the table. Most people will never find that and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you've failed or that you're lesser. For most people, the goal is to find a career that pays the bills and that you enjoy enough that you don't hate doing it 40hrs/week. Along similar lines, for most people, your passion will be something that doesn't make money. It will be something like a hobby or spending time with those you love or analyzing badly written French TV shows.
This brings us back to Adrien.
Adrien seems to get a great deal of joy from being around his loved ones and making them happy, so I can absolutely picture him finding a lot of joy in running a home. This is extra true because Marinette is pretty clearly career driven and she's planning to go into a creative field, so she'll probably have a pretty crazy schedule and struggle to stay on top of it all. Having a loving husband to take things like cooking and cleaning off of her plate would be a blessing and a gift that she'd greatly appreciate, but that would feel unbalanced if Adrien was working, too. (Yes, they could hire staff, but that risks the secret identity thing, so I don't see them doing that.)
If they both have power careers, then they'd barely see each other and I hate that for them. I think that it would make Adrien incredibly sad and depressed. Plus, while Marinette thrives off of competition and staying busy, only needing occasional breaks before diving right back in, Adrien seems to hate busy schedules and heavy work loads.
Given all of that, I think that there's a lot to be said for Adrien stepping away from the working world. Especially since he's been in it for years and being a child celebrity is no joke! I think it would be nice for him to escape from strict schedules and expectations. Dinner fails? Order takeout!
While we're on the topic of food, I really like the idea of Adrien falling in love with cooking. Dude needs a creative outlet and that's honestly a great one (I hate it when people write characters as unable to figure out cooking like it's some cute quirk. While an initial struggle is believable, it's not a mystical art that takes years of practice. Between YouTube, the wider Internet, and maybe some classes if he wants to get fancy, I think that he'll be fine.) There's so much variety with what you can do in the kitchen and the end result gets to be shared and appreciated by those you love. It just seems like a perfect fit for him, but I would never make him a professional chef because the hours are insane and the pressure to be perfect is high. I only see him loving it as a hobby where he can go at his own pace, take days off, and make lazy meals when he's not feeling like being a show off.
The big concerns that come with making him a homemaker are a lack of financial independence and a lack of socialization. I don't see the first thing as an issue for Adrien since he comes from a wealthy family, so that one doesn't phase me.
The isolation could very easily be an issue, but it could just as easily be a problem if he started working, too. It's not as if a job is a sure way to have friends or even just consistent positive social interactions, which is another reason why I don't really see a need to give him a traditional job. You can get a vibrant social life in lots of other ways.
Here are the two big things that I keep in mind when writing an Adrien-as-a-homemaker or similar setup as it is where I tend to have Adrien land for all of the above reasons:
Adrien needs to be active in some organization or project. Volunteer work is a good fit as is being an active stay-at-home parent or some combination of the two. Voice acting is also on my radar, but my default is to have him act as the head of team miraculous' out-of-battle activities. Scheduling meet and greets. Going to see sick kids. Jetting around the world for humanitarian aid missions. Basically let Chat Noir be his "career" which gives him a lot of much needed flexibility for making his own schedule, especially if he's a stay-at-home parent to any eventual kids. I also like the poetic nature of Adrien finally being proud to be the face of a "brand" via his hero side while his civilian side becomes just some guy that people kind of remember from old ads.
Consider having a non-traditional living arrangement. I am a big fan of hero teams living together, so my default is to take the Agreste mansion and remodel it into a secret HQ for the team. Adrien and Marinette would have their own apartment/wing/whatever, but they'd still be surrounded by their found family on a near-daily basis, so that social isolation is the last thing on Adrien's mind. There's almost always someone to hang out with! You could also just have Alya and Nino or other friends live in the same apartment building so that they're over a lot/Adrien has a place to hang when Marinette is working late because you know that she'd do that.
Basically, Adrien's rich, so he doesn't need to make money and he doesn't seem to have any interest in a normal job, so I really like letting him having a unique life where he doesn't have a traditional job. He is a superhero, after all. Unique career paths are pretty par for the course. You just have to be careful to make sure that all of this feels like his fully informed and carefully considered choice and not like you forced it on him to make Marinette's life perfect (I only brought her up earlier because this is a story and it makes sense to design characters around each other). I usually do this by sending Adrien to therapy in his late teens or by giving him some other parth of self discovery.
Do note that all of the above is inspired by my read of Adrien which may be totally different from your read of him and that's fine! I just can't picture him as someone who thrives in a traditional career path based on knowing people who strike me as similar to him and from whom I draw my understanding of how to write that part of Adrien's character. I think that he'd be perfectly able to have a traditional career path, but I also think that he'd be pretty miserable for a lot of reasons.
I'll also note that I'm not sure what posts spawned this ask, so there may be elements of those that I'd have criticisms of. This post was about the general concept of Adrien being a homemaker. I tend to avoid the broader fandom for my own sanity and the use of the term "malewife" has me concerned that I'm implying support of something I wouldn't actually support because that's a new one for me and it sounds incredibly sexist.
I'm not a fan of implying that the default definition of "wife" is "submissive homemaker" so a man taking on a homemaking role is clearly submissive and acting like a woman does while his aggressive, domineering wife is acting like a man, which is the definition of this word that I'm finding online and yikes! Wife and husband are legal/social status in my book. They are not clearly defined jobs/roles/personality types, so I'm not a fan of using gendered terms to refer to stuff like this especially since I do actively try to use gender neutral words in my own writing whenever I can, though I'm certainly far from perfect on that front.
I also don't see homemaking as a submissive act. It certainly can be, but that's not how I picture Adrien at all! I picture him as relaxed and plesent, but 100% in charge of the home and all choices about how it's run. I also see him being in charge of their finances like homemakers often were in the "old days" since they were the ones in charge of things like scheduling cleaners, buying food, and other things that needed strong budgeting skills while the person who worked wasn't actually spending money or managing the home since they were at work. I like to think that Nathalie would prep Adrien to be a wealthy man and so he'd have strong skills in finance management.
#anon ask#Adrien analysis#How did we go from trying to remove gender roles from job titles to this?#Like at least “traditional wife” makes some sense from a historical pov#These other ones are trying to defy gender roles by leaning into gender roles and just why?#Fun fact: read the end of this post to my SO to make sure it came across okay#And as soon as I said the word “malewife” he just looked at me in horror and said “what???”#So it wasn't just a me thing!#We also had a lovely talk about the main body topic and how nice it would be if we could comfortably let one of us be a homemaker#And also how Marinette would absolutely thrive in a stressful chaotic job once she improved her time management a bit and learned to say no#Bias disclosure: my mom was/is a homemaker whose life has been similar to what I described for Adrien and she's loved it#Even though she had an extremely successful career before kids came and she gave up her traditional career#Some people really thrive in that support role and find immense joy in taking care of others#Though my mom is a total Marinette (sans anxiety) and always has tons of projects going so it's not a perfect match#She's merely one of the people I think about when I try to figure out how to give Adrien a happy fulfilling life that fits his character
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I'm not including a situation where someone might be injured because in that case I'm thinking the bed goes to them by default or they are nominated for it. anyone who wants to be chatty goes to join the living room floor gang.
What are your thoughts and headcanons? Do you have thoughts on how the boys tend to approach assigning beds in inns? Who do the chain choose to sleep near when camping and why? What are their dynamics like when settling down for the night and getting ready for the day?
In "Mirror Vs Open Closet Door: Fight!" by Gintrinsic (here) Four refers to the chain's decision on how to split up between inn rooms as the "Link-per-room ratio" which I find very funny. He, Sky, and Time also talk about their thought process behind why they do or don't want to sleep in a room with some of the others which I find fun and interesting.
So! If you have thoughts and want to share them! *gestures to the post!*
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#alrighty! now for my answers-#for the ranch question I think it varies which is why I'm asking in a poll. What do you think happens most often though?#each answer is a fun scenario so it's difficult to choose#but I think they'd try to act politely around Malon and Time for the first couple visits with straws or rock paper scissors#or showing generosity by offering the bed to someone else. (I bet Malon saying they're charming is quite the incentive#for more possible compliments. The chain as a whole would want to prove her right xD )#Once they're more comfortable in the house though I can totally see Wind and Legend making a mad dash for it while Wars yells after them xD#Wind probably ends up sharing with Four a lot since they're the littles#or Wind snuggles in with Wars Legend Wild etc#Wild and Twi/Wolfie have claimed the spot on the floor by the fireplace.#For inn rooms / castle rooms / camping - I tend to group them by how they're grouped a lot already#but a lil mixed up#Time - Sky - Wars are the good rest trio. they want a good night's rest please let them get their beauty sleep. often joined by Four#Wars goes between this group and wherever Legend is depending on how chatty he is that night.#Twi - Wild - Hyrule are snuggle/proximity buddies#Legend is attached to Hyrule's hip or sets up near Warriors to gossip and gripe. I can also see him setting up near Wild#in the eye of the storm as it were or just an interesting place to be. Wild and Hyrule can get to chatting about everything and anything#so if Legend wants background noise (Hyrule and Wild podcast omg)-#or a conversation he can be half a part of and jump in and out of while getting ready for the night or in the mornings-#this is a good place to be. add Wind and things get a bit more chaotic.#Wind gravitates to Wars and Legend too when curious and chatty. He gravitates towards Time when he wants something calmer.#Four tends to be near Sky or Twi or to Legend's group for the same reasons#I can see Four and Twi having a little book club going during downtimes where they talk about what they're reading. Sky likes to listen. <3#Wind thinks they're nerds but so is he and he can't resist a good story so he orbits and sometimes settles in and peppers questions.#it's funny that Time Sky and Wars want to sleep the most but Legend follows Wars to chat (and ends up bringing people with him xD )#there could be some conflict there oooo#Twi is by Time#it's almost a circle but with clusters of sleeping bags near on top of each other and filling the gaps
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this man’s lifelong obsession with the macau track needs to be studied (he’s mentioned many times before that it’s the coolest street track)
#like the last time he’s raced there was in 2004!!!#just a baby back then!!#and he still loves it#idk i know this is a bit niche but like i love that he loves it lmao#it’s a great track as well#chaotic af#(probably why he likes it so much)#lewis hamilton
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not to be like “ugh aos crew” again but ugh aos crew again spock really got accepted into the most prestigious university on vulcan and was like “haha fuck you <3″ bc they insulted the fact that he’s mixed-race jim banged his forehead in the shuttle within the first 30 seconds he was on board leonard was hiding in the bathroom of said shuttle because he hates flying sulu couldn’t get the ship to warp for the first 3 minutes of his first-ever flight on the enterprise uhura is mostly okay still except she’s also got a thing going with her former professor so maybe that raises some eyebrows (ha) scotty is literally in a butt-fuck middle of nowhere outpost on a death ice planet chekov is. seventeen. i don’t really have much more to add to that except guys your ensign is seventeen years old
#caroline talks#star trek#THEY'RE ALL SO. in their own varying levels. unhinged#me: ah yes. the best of the best. starfleet's best and brightest#[immediately cuts to spock being a sassy little bitch + leonard swearing up and down the ship + jim running around#because his hands have SWELLED TO THE SIZE OF BALLOONS BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN DOCTOR + sulu looking like he wants to die#because spock was said sassy bitch + scotty just being like 'do u know what i've been eating. it sucks'#+ uhura being mostly fine except girlie i know spock's attractive and i know u are both adults but GIRL + chekov just cheerfully going#'seventeen sir :)' and leonard going 'OH GOOD HE'S SEVENTEEN']#they are so. like.#frankly for all the hate that the reboot movies get i fuckign adore them bc it's like 'you know what. they're all like. young.#they can be stupid.'#like. some of them are in their twenties. do u know what that does to a person#jim kirk is in his twenties and that's the only reason why i'm like ' .. . . . . listen he might be a little bit chaotic but i love him'
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11/18/24 TW/CW: vent (sort of), mentions of blood, vomit (slightly), mentions of yelling, trauma, blood, et cetera. Thank you.
“My brain works in a weird way. It’s sort of like how celebrities or others online only show their best side. They only reveal the highlights of their life and positive moments, and the audience may look up to them or feel… insignificant, in comparison. After a bit, in my case, my mask can wear down. I play this positive character in this show, and my depressed states are merely my expressions when I am off-stage. And so, I want to find a way to cope with all my stress, my trauma. And until I do, it is broken. I cannot wear it again, or lies will show. I can’t play out-of-character in a live show; the live show being, well, my life. No- I need to find a way to cope. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive. I’ll never forget. I’ll never get over it. All I have sinned for. But. I am scared. What methods do I have where my writing keeps safe? What platform is not going to be tracked by my guardians? No matter where I go, they are there. They are watching. I can’t feel safe online if they are there. I can’t express my true potential if my mom will eventually find my account and brag to her friends over how great I am. Over how… talented I am.”
“I’m crying too much. Emotions flood me as if dams are broken. The water, a growing flood, overcomes my emotions and my rationality. I do not panic, but I am scared. But I must hide my sobs before my father finds me and mentally beats me up about it. ‘It won’t do any good for you’; I can’t help it. If you keep yelling at me, what am I supposed to do? For I have not matured to your liking. I only exceed your standards, and my mother’s standards, in art. Something they seem to never get over. I start overthinking things. I grow anxiety. My head starts to throb and my hands begin to tremble so much. I feel so sick, I might throw up. The idea of multiple tests this week doesn’t help. I sit in the bathroom, silent. If I am caught, I am beat. I am lectured. They will ask me: ‘whats the matter? Why are you so sick?’, as if they are clueless that they are the main cause. I grow weak at the thought of the future, the past, and the present. ‘This could have been worse’; I comfort myself. This isn’t the worst, but it’s not the best. Tears slowly roll down my face at the memory of all the people I have lost. I’m sorry. Everything I’ve done. Every sin I’ve committed to have gotten where I am today. I’m so sorry, everyone. I deserve this. Don’t I? My lack of rationality grows my thoughts to believe in your lies. Am I just in denial? At this point, I’m stuck in here for 3 hours. I’m too scared to leave, but too scared to stay. I close my eyes and hope everything will go away. I hope everything is merely just a dream, I just need to wake up. Wake up, or you will die. Fuck. Why me? I sob silently, watching my volume as I can lightly hear the footsteps of my family emerge from the hallway. I feel so sick.”
“After another hour or so, I leave carefully. It’s midnight. They are all asleep at this point, and I am spared for another day. I immediately retreat to my room in a silent run, which slightly makes the nauseated feeling return. My pace slows as I walk to my bed, flopping down. My hand immediately reaches for my phone, an instinct. I feel something dripping from my mouth, and I carefully run my hand over it. Blood. Or so, I suppose it is. It tastes like it at least, but it’s too dark to tell. I ignore that and change my glance to my phone, going to Tumblr. My hands still tremble and my eyes are dry. The nauseated feeling slips in and out: irritating yet worrying. I scroll, looking at more art. I force a light smile to myself, and my jaw aches. It leaves after a few seconds. ‘Is this my last resort?’; Do I have to do this? This will only cause me more overwork, stress and anxiety. I exit the reblog. I am sorry, but my body still aches with the need for drawing more, making up perfect animation and drawing ideas in my head. This needs to stop. No. Please. This can’t be it. I can’t draw anymore, but my body refuses. My mind races with the thought of all my requests I have not finished, silently apologizing to the users.”
“…I can’t do this anymore.”
“I need to stop. I need to take a break. I can’t continue this continuous cycle of self-torment. If I do, I’ll become depressed. If I do, I’ll distance myself further from my friends.”
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Thank you all. I appreciate your support and words of encouragement, and I know this may be a bit excessive, but I felt like releasing my emotions into a piece of text, even at the risk my mom may see this. I apologize if I have not finished your art requests. I am not taking a break, and I will continue making art (I’m sure you little shits are gonna be happy about that, huh, you guys who only care about my art). But I will not be as active, for school is still occurring. I have a break for a week next week, so I’ll try and make more art then. I just want you all to be happy, I’m sorry. I know this is a bit of a 180 from how I was earlier, but I gotta cope. My parents are arguing again (fml). XOXO.
#digital painting#art#tumblr#vent post#vent#vent art#cw vent#TW vent#tw blood#TW mentions of nauseated feelings#TW yelling#slightly suicidal#sorry#I kind of lectured ya guys huh#I need sleep#that’s probably why#artists on tumblr#cw blood#cw nausea#cw: gore#gore#this isn’t because I lost my Duolingo super by the way#it’s because I gotta cope#cuz my family is chaotic#and so am I#(I’m a bit acoustic)#/silly#but seriously#based off a true story#I guess-
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*watches the prequel trilogy with the og trilogy once* GUYS I THINK I UNDERSTAND STAR WARS NOW
#star wars#I have enough chaotic thoughts that I could let this take over my blog for a short time but I probably won’t lol#it’s just that I spent the prequels going ‘ok but this is Bad’ a lot of the time#but then I followed them with the og trilogy (which I’d at least 60% seen before) and suddenly that new background information MADE SENSE#like. Darth Vader. he really IS protective of Luke from the get go. like. hello Anakin.#so like. parts of it are still a bit of a dumpster fire.#BUT I SEE THE FRAMEWORK NOW#brb thinking about Leia carrying her mother’s sadness. that’s a thought. ‘Beautiful and kind and sad’#like. just. oof.#I also actually understand why the prequels are Bad now which is fun and I’m temporarily obsessed with them#may watch TFA at some point because I wanna meet Rey and Finn but I will not complete the sequel trilogy lol#little bro says the sequels Aren’t Star Wars and I preemptively agree but I just wanna steal the good parts to add to my mind#may watch Rogue One at some point too#and then we’ll see if I submit myself to the devastation of the clone wars because I probably shouldn’t but also it would probably fix me#I’m gonna shut up now. I should get ready for bed.
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Ok but when I tell you I cackled at this part, I mean I CACKLED. I've read this line of his but this is the first time I've ever heard him actually speak it, and knowing it was directed at Ariadne...😆 (she will not be letting him live calling her "chief prig" down)
And oh Ulbrig...never change. Seriously, I think him questioning her decision actually would've been a strange source of comfort in this moment, because even she's starting to second guess herself. I really can't wait to delve deeper into what sort of mindset would've made her pick Angel over Trickster or Azata, the fact her confidence is already starting to show cracks is promising such delicious angst 👀
#ash plays wotr#oc: ariadne trias-arendae#Ariadne's Ascended Angel AU#<- bringing that tag back#yes capitalizing all the As is important#the angst from being too chaotic for the angel path combined with her lovers quiet (and not so quiet) disapproval...this is going to be fun#genuinely. i love her trickster to legend story that's why it's canon#but it's also fun to torture her a bit with aus where things weren't as fun for her lol
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you remembered, quite observant |hidden agenda ep. 1
#hidden agenda#hidden agenda the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#aka very convoluted flirting strategies#i really like how needlessly chaotic this is already#i'm not even sure i want to get an explanation why joke doesn't directly hit on him before starting this whole thing#but i enjoy how charmed he is but also isn't so unrealistically enfatuated that he'd let bs slide#and i am not certain how airheaded zo is to not catch the i love you in mandarin by joke#love the petulant way he grabs his coffee (also in a way that screams 'I drink take out coffee a lot' - which probably is just dunk)#hmmm#first time i am watching a show with joongdunk and i enjoy them#some of the show feels a bit like it was made 2 years ago but it is pretty solid and i like the silliness of it all#i just hope nita doesn't have to suffer under their combined weirdness - i felt sorry when zo ripped the strap on her bag after not accepti#ng her refusal#but i appreciate that the show knows that he isn#t perfect - he did slap joke after all#also: i changed the font i used which took up 80% of the time working on this aka 25 minutes#still not 100% sure but the text reads crisper than on my older sets
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POKEDDEXY DAY 1: BUG TYPE (#988)
Another year, another Pokeddexy!! 🎉
I honestly don't know how much I'll be able to combine because objectively January is kind of a shitty month for me lol
But WHO CARES, enjoy my boys, see you again at the end of the challenge if I'm still alive lol o|-<
#Anyway i just decide that I'll be deranged in the tag lol#infinite rambling moments ahahaha#so#I just asked my friend the prompt list for this year for like a month?? bc in this way i can prepare a bit#guess who is STILL LATE???#and is just the first day lmaoo#Sorry toff you know i love u😔💖#Anywayy i decided that even this pkdexxy has to be chaotic so i just slapped Ribera here for the first day without contest ahahah#I draw him last year but who cares??? +1000 pokémon but i love him so \_( ´ ▽ ` )_/¯#I can give some context tho#Or maybe not lmaoo my word building is not something amazing#Paradox pkmn are all bikers since this gen the legendaries are walking bikes lol#There are two gangs one for past paradox one for future paradox and blablabla onestly I wrote abt this last year too lmao#I also said that I'll explain this better and not in the tag. Did i do that? No. Did i care? No💀#Anyway motorbike shops are cool#They are something between a decathlon sportswear aisle and the aestetich moodboards you see on pinterest#And I don't know why but the walls and shelves are always white ahaha I mean it looks a bit like a hospital too#I understand it may be an accurate choice since 292992 of the motorcycle suits are neon color lmao#pkg pokeddexy#pokemon gijinka#slither wing
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I love how it’s so much harder for Bad to pretend he doesn’t find Quackity’s dirty jokes funny when they’re together in person
#Quackity#BadboyHalo#BBH#BBQduo#BBQ duo#IRL#Everyone: omg Bad is such a goody-goody he never swears or makes dirty jokes or anything!#BBH viewers: *look directly into the camera*#man keeps his streams PG but that doesn't mean he's never made jokes on OTHER people's streams#BBH is actually so funny but most people are just like ''he's the Mr. ''LANGUAGE'!!!' guy''#like guys why do you think Bad and Quackity get along so well. They're both frickin chaotic and unhinged#granted Quackity is.... on a whole 'nother level lmao#Not captioning this for... obvious reasons#sometimes when I don't caption things I look at the reblogs to see how other people have done it#and when it's for things like this it always makes me laugh a bit#because like. I feel you how the frick DO you caption that noise#poor captioners be like ''how do I accurately caption this without making it sound like an M-rated ao3 fanfic''#Me loving Quackity's laugh vs me being 😒 over the noises he makes
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