#it’s just that I spent the prequels going ‘ok but this is Bad’ a lot of the time

[nothinggold13]

*watches the prequel trilogy with the og trilogy once* GUYS I THINK I UNDERSTAND STAR WARS NOW

[radellama]

oh i almost forgot. DO LEON AND WESKER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE also ayla for fun

Leon S. Kennedy

First impression

Ayo… He's hot…

Impression now

Ayo… He's REALLY hot…

Favorite moment

Hmm… I don't feel like I can pick a real favourite so. Take this one scene that I love a lot

Idea for a story

Serious or silly?? I would love to write a story about Raccoon City and life there, but if the zombie outbreak didn't happen and Leon joins the RPD. And it's all normal boring nice stuff. You know me, I love the boring stuff…

For something more serious tho, I think it'd be cool to write something about Leon between the events of 2 and 4, how he was essentially held hostage by the government so that he could keep Sherry safe, how he starts to get more jaded as he also becomes more competent… that'd be pretty cool…

Unpopular opinion

Um? Leon dyed his hair blonde, he's naturally a brunette. Re2make he got it freshly done for his new job at RC, RE4 he hasn't had time to touch up his roots, and by RE6 he's given up :P

Favorite relationship

HIM AND ADAAAAA. ITS MYSTERY ITS INTRIGUE ITS BETRAYAL ITS SECOND CHANCES ITS MORALLY GREY ITS VARYING LEVELS OF EXPERIENCE ITS SECRECY ITS MUTUAL RESPECT ITS MUTUAL RESERVEDNESS ITS HOT ITS SEXY!! 

I know a lot of people don't like him with Ada in a romantic way cause the dynamic is interesting, but I think it's great, romantic or not. A lot don't seem to like how Ada used him in re2, but I don't think it's that bad, and its soooo good seeing how their relationship grows more complicated as it progresses… its just good and I like it >:) Maybe Ada/Leon is my unpopular opinion lol

Favorite headcanon

Even when he's dilf mode and so so jaded by all the shit he's been through, he will always be that rookie cop that just wants to help people… Despite having to go through shit over and over again, and he get so tired he loses his passion for it and just wants to give up… deep down he will still try to do the right thing, which is why he keeps on fighting.

//

Albert Wesker

First impression

>:)

Impression now

I LOVE THIS STUPID BITCH SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I UNDERSTAND HIM, I SEE AND PERCEIVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Favorite moment

Tie between this and this (<- the first 20 seconds or so, that line cracks me up and I spent a good 20 mins dicking around to make Wesker do the gay little twirls on my first playthrough just like that)

Idea for a story

OK SO. I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER. I HAVE A GREAT IDEA ON HOW TO FUCKING MAKE ONE (1) GOOD ADDITION TO THE PITIFUL RESI SCREEN LEGACY. LET ME MAKE A WESKER TV SERIES!!!

Starting with Project W and his days training under umbrella. learn all about him and get to see his honestly tragic backstory unfold as you follow him into his eventual shift into STARS and his betrayals… Mystery, drama, thriller, suspence, everything you'd fucking want to see shit go down. LIKE!?? WESKER PREQUEL SERIES YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT AND YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME TO BE MAKING IT!

Unpopular opinion

While I fucking enjoy the re5 Wesker so so much… he was such a characature and the end of that game…. Not worth it. I don't know if honestly he should've stayed a more lowkey 'background' villain or what, cause I like his 'powers,' but capcom didn't really know what to do with him and handled him pretty poorly tbh!! (Like they've been poorly handling most the main cast tbhhh!!!!!) Maybe he should've stayed dead the first time!?

Favorite relationship

Him and Chris. They hate each other so much that it gets fucking ridiculous. Imagine having fucking powers from viruses and shit and this guy who used to work under you gets super fucking jacked just so he can punch you, and he becomes an almost equal match to you just to get in your way? Just manly men things

Favorite headcanon

While he's always had his own interests at the forefront of his mind, he used to care a bit more about others around him when he was younger. I think he genuinely cared about his future as a virologist, and that he came to really care about William Birkin when they were training together. But when he found out more about himself, and Umbrella, he slowly began to shift… He locked himself out mentally and became more self centred as his hatred boiled on inside of him, and he was fully ready to throw everything away for whatever was in his best interest. I don't think he cared all that much about STARS, or maybe he did and it made him feel conflicted, so he stayed distant on purpose. After his first 'death,' it all just snapped into place. He struggled to find reasons to hold on to his previous mindsets, and I bet after finding out what happened to Willy B, he didn't want to try anymore. The world was his, and it was almost time to become god.

//

Ayla

First impression

OOOH STRONG LADY!?

Impression now

SHE IS SO FUCKING BRILLIANT AND UNDERRATED I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH!!!

Favorite moment

Honestly? A tie between her iconic 'Win and live. Lose and die. Rule of life. No change rule' line and her REAL CAVEMAN PARTY that included a BINGE DRINKING COMPETITION AGAINST A SPUNKY TEENAGER

Idea for a story

I would honestly like to write something that explores her being chief; what that means to her, to her people, to her enemies. What it took to rise to power that way, the stresses she's under to keep the respect of her people, diplomatic tensions between Ioka and Laruba since they're on almost opposite ends of the spectrum in the way they live life. What is it really like to be Ayla, chief of Ioka?

Unpopular opinion

AYLA IS FUCKING SMART. ITS NOT AN OPINION, IT IS A FACT. SHE IS NOT ONLY ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH TIME TRAVEL ADVENTURES AND FIGHT ALONGSIDE EVERYONE WITH NO WEAPON OTHER THAN HER FISTS, BUT SHE IS DOING SO ALL IN A SECOND LANGUAGE. SHE IS INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT, AND HER BEING STRONG AND SEXY SHOULDN'T NEGATE THAT FACT.

Favorite relationship

It's a three way tie between all the millennial trio. Her with Chrono? Fucking bros they are best buds they get up to all kinds of shit and challenge each other to be better and stronger and have so much fun getting up to shit together.

Her with Lucca? Amazing homoerotic brilliant so fucking good. They could have in depth conversations about whatever intellectual bullshit they wanted all night and still be discussing ideologies past sunrise. And look. Potential for lesbianism is off the fucking charts they'd be the most girlfriend ever they are so smart and beautiful they'd be unstoppable…

Her with Marle? Such a cute friendship, she would be so happy to be the older girl friend Marle needs in her life, and would enjoy Marle being the younger girl friend she needs in her own life. Like, just talking about life and boys and their bodies and politics and everything… nothing is taboo between them, they could be so open and share such a beautiful kinship because there is just SO MUCH they can relate with each other to.

Favorite headcanon

It's not so much hc as it is a fact that people forget… but AYLA IS SPEAKING IN HER SECOND LANGUAGE. By the way it's implied, the reptite tongue is what became 'English' for the future humans, she literally names Lavos after the word for fire in her language. ALSO to build upon that, when she talks to the Laruban tribe elder, they're both conversing in the reptite-english, which implies that Ioka and Laruba both have their own languages, and they talk in reptite-english to communicate. Like!? SHE'S SO FUCKING SMART!!???

[thebrightsessions]

Entertainment Spotlight: Ian McQuown

Ian is an LA based actor and producer known for the YouTube comedy group, Extremely Decent, as well as a voice actor in the popular audio dramas: The Bright Sessions, The AM Archives, StarTripper!! & Deck The Halls! His credits inclue American Housewife, Trial & Error, Better Things, and For All Mankind. Ian took the time to answer some questions for us. Check it out:

You’ve worked on multiple podcasts -- what drew you to the medium?

Well, to be honest, Lauren drew me to it because TBS was my first narrative podcast. We met at a Rocky Horror Picture Show show. Anna Lore is our mutual friend and I think Anna is just talented as all get out, so anything she’s involved I want to be in. And, I don’t know, it was just one of those lucky breaks you get where a door opens and takes you to all these cool places you never anticipated.

On podcasting though, I really appreciate how much more possible it is to tell engaging stories without the boundaries of having to afford a set and a camera and insurance and etc etc etc. Like, I grew up with Star Wars, The Matrix, Cowboy Bebop— so when I imagine the stories I like, I’m usually picturing other worlds, space ships, people with super powers and those types of stories used to have a lot higher barrier to entry to make than they do now, which is just awesome.

If you could give a character from The Bright Sessions a spinoff series, who would you choose and what would the series be called?

I mean, no surprises here, but I’d love to see Damien’s early years. And I’d be super clever and call it something like... Damien: The Early Years. I'm dying for that content a little bit actually: Damien, before he became such a bad guy. Maybe a love story that doesn’t work out and leaves him really scarred? Villains so bad they created a villain instead of a victim—  that moment where we see the two roads Damien has to choose between and it totally shreds us when he makes the choice we all know he’s going to make, I mean, come ON you can see that, right? It’d be like the Star Wars prequels but without all the youngling killing and “NOOOOOOOO”’s and I want it.

Can you share a fun story or anecdote from the making of The Bright Sessions?

Haha, ok well it’s not really anything of note BUT: I remember Lauren had this area rug in her room, which as you probably know is where we would record, and it was this really nice, I think, red sort of floral rug that took up pretty much all the floor space because it was covering up the older apartment rug-floor underneath it. And it was, as I said, really cool, except it wasn’t a rug on a wood floor, right? It was a rug on a rug so it was a bit taller than the people who designed the room had planned for— the result of which was that you’d walk in and the room had this really awesome little vibe with this cute rug, and it was all very cozy, unless you looked directly behind you at the corner where the door had just spent ages scraping the surface of it, catching the corner, tearing little pieces out. And I may be getting apocryphal at this point, but I feel like by the time I had started coming around Lauren had straight up duct taped it to the floor, which really didn’t help the problem. And, I don’t know—again it’s not really anything momentous—but I just remember giving Lauren a particular amount of shit about it one day and us all having a really good laugh. And I really love that— there are jobs where you show up, keep your head down, do your work and leave, but then there are jobs like The Bright Sessions where you all get to become friends, and even if you don’t see each other for a while you sort of just get to pick up where you left off. And then those jobs turn into other jobs and you get to keep hanging out with your friends and peers and just making stuff you like— I’m a big fan of that.

If your life was a choose your own adventure, what decisions would viewers have to make on an average day?

OKAY, you wake up...

Water your garden before it gets to be 110 today, you cannot skip this step. You may however:

A) Stay out in the garden for longer if you get inspired and check if the tomatoes and peppers are ripe for picking.

Great! Now let’s make breakfast:

A) Make eggs, toast, fried tomatoes, and hash browns? 

B) Make (A) But also with Bacon? 

C) Make a smoothie?

D) There’s no time today, run to Whole Foods and get their incredibly priced $6 Egg, Bacon Cheese Breakfast burrito.

Awesome! You’ve eaten and now you can think. What work do you have to do?

A) Prep your audition, dummy! It’s due this afternoon, go fix your hair. 

B) You have a zoom meeting with actor friends at 11 to play around with some new material, put on a hat.

C) There is nothing you have to work on so stare at your computer and wonder if there’s new project you could be working on. Try to find that project, leave your hair as it.

Wow! You really had a great (insert previous choice here), let’s get you a coffee and take a TV break. What should we watch?!

A) That new show you haven’t seen yet because you need to watch everything so you know how to work on it should you get an audition for it.

B) Harley Quinn (your favorite new cartoon).

C) Teenage Bounty Hunters.

D) Farscape.

E) Nope, you just got an audition for tomorrow, everything is off the table, start working on it (Level Complete).

Lunch Time!!!

A) Turkey sandwich with pickles from the garden?

B) Trader Joe’s Margherita Pizza with basil and peppers from the garden?

C) Are we going to start another loaf of sourdough you basic mf?

D) Yes we probably are, but also (A) and (B).

Cool! I’ve eaten lunch. Now what?

A) You haven’t finished that work from this morning. Riiiight.

B)…More Harley Quinn…?

C) Let’s make pasta from scratch!

D) Let’s make ribs! From…ribs!

F) You just got an audition for tomorrow, everything is off the table, start working on it. (Level Complete).

Bangarang! You probably chose to start cooking dinner immediately after eating lunch. You ate it (and it rocked), what now?

A) You just got an audition for tomorrow, everything is off the table, start working on it. (Level Complete)

B) DnD with squad.

C) Go on a run, dude— you’re getting a Jaba chin….

D) Bring on the chin! Let’s watch TV until 2am! Here are your options:

A) Harley Quinn (your new favorite cartoon)

B) Teenage Bounty Hunters

C) Farscape

D) Put The Office on in the background and clean your house.

Level Complete.

As you can see I’m a very food-focused person. Also, I’m going to be real, that is truly what most of my days look like and I’m low-key a little mortified that ’taking a shower’ wasn’t a game option... 

Can you share your favorite piece of Bright Sessions / AM Archives fan art?

I love all the fan art that people make for my characters but this one from Franartz has always been really special to me. It’s so GQ, I just love it — and some of my favorite early AG moments are with Damien, who looks a little like he stepped out of a Gorrilaz album here— big fan. I’m a little obsessed with fan art actually, I save everything I come across— there’s a freckled red-headed series of Owen by TheFigureInTheCorner that makes me really happy. Seeing that my work has inspired someone else to make something of their own is really what’s up, you know? It makes me think about all the art and entertainment that has touched me over the years and I get a lot of joy from being a part of that cycle.

Thanks for taking the time, Ian! Give I Can Die When I'm Done a relisten right here.

[calyssmarviss]

Spoilers for Obi-Wan Kenobi part I

Ok let’s go

Yeah, let’s put in a recap just in case the Prequel Trilogy doesn’t haunt you

“Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi,”

featured in “the top ten sentences that break my heart”

So Hayden being hyped for this was just preparing me for how this is All About Anakin Again

God they were both so hot in RotS

Pun non intended for once

HAAAAA LETS GO

show Order 66 as many time as possible challenge

Yeah those kids are dead

Bye kids

SAND TITLE CARD you’re so sexy

Wait i have a great idea: every opening should be another Order 66 scene i want to see all over that Temple as it falls down

SPACE SHIP SHADOW my beloved

Idk why space ships, especially big ones, make me incredibly excited and a not insignificant part of why I’m a fan of this franchise comes from the fuck you big ships it has. Yes i did like the Last Jedi a lot. ‘cause it had the biggest ship.

Inquisitor Squad! I spent like 2 hours earning them all in GoH a couple weeks ago now I’m gonna see if their attacks are accurate lmao

Another reason why I’m a fan of star wars is that the villains know how to dress

Yeah my dudes, you get why the dark side is fun

“You know who we are.”

“Yeah bro, you’re all dressed like an evil elite force and not the ones wearing red.”

Hehehehe evil monologue let’s go

LOL

THIS FIXATION WITH KENOBI WELCOME TO THE CLUB THIRD SISTER

What is that.

I don’t wanna say Krayt because i don’t know much about them besides that they’re dragons on tatooine and at least some of them are black but Krayt? 👀 (please it’s important to me because of themes)

ARE THEY PROCESSING IT

That meat looks good tho

HE’S HERE

HELLO THERE

OH I MISSED YOU SO

you look good with a knife ngl

scratch that he just looks good in general oh my god i need to find a pirate version of this i want to take all the screenshots

The Obi-Wan Show Episode1: Obi-Wan starts an union

Meat Wars reborn but this time it’s Meat Workers War

No i not will elaborate, know your crack

He’s so beautiful i missed him so much i wanna die

@forcearama i know your pain

SAD MAN IN A CAVE TIME

SMELLY MAN IN A CAVE 😂

Jawas are the best actually. Love how they talk.

They sound like sped up anime characters

“I’ve heard the Jedi are all but extinct.

Courtesy of my best friend.”

Anakin is so bad for business.

Welcome to the stinky wizard club Obes.

He’s still dreaming about him 10 years later no one touches me.

*makes miserable noise at Anakin laughing in the speeder and then the i hate you*

LISTEN

I KNOW ALL THAT ALREADY

WHY IS IT HITTING ME SO HARD

Part of me is like “answer the phone Qui-Gon” the other is like “no that’s good i don’t want to see him anyway and also Obi-Wan needs to be alone and miserable because i love angst”.

Baby Luke!

Oh that’s hitting him hard

*claps gleefully* yes more pain

It’s like he’s paying for child maintenance after his divorce

Oooooh he called him master of course he knew him everyone knew him

“You were once a great Jedi”

Yeah 😭

Is that Alderaan?

Yes!

Tiny Leia!

“Try to not make anyone cry”

lmao that’s daddy Vader’s girl

And that is Anakin and Padmé’s girl <3

Do they have binary classes or did she just learn to interpret by having a droid around from a young age

I’ve got to read up on that it’s important for fanfic reasons

Leia and Lola

Don’t give promises you can’t keep babygirl

You know when we used to talk about a Kenobi movie all i wanted from it was seeing Obi-Wan be sad in the desert and today I’m being finally fed.

Owen vs Ben

“Like you trained his father? Anakin is dead, Ben. I won’t let you make the same mistake twice.”

Might as well stab him in the heart it would hurt less.

Cut off hand count: 1

Is Reva’s Force sense tingling?

Hate to break it to you Reva but Owen’s not dying for nine more years.

Today in Everyone Hates Tatooine

Today in Everyone Wants Obi-Wan

What did he do to her lol

“What I’m owed.”

Like what? Revenge? (Cause her name is Reva) Loads of credits? A promotion? Darth Vader’s attention?

“I didn’t do it for you.”

I knew you would say that you dumb fucking farmer (affectionate) guess what he was probably not saying thank you for himself either

“I didn’t come here to end slavery”,

said most people in Star Wars.

“Then i guess i don’t need manners when I’m talking to you” nice burn.

“You’re not even a real Organa” nah she’s a Skywalker, which is worse

She’s reading your mind cuz

“You have to rise above Leia”

wait til the third trilogy she’ll rise alright

She’s so dramatic i love her

I wonder if her cousin gets blown up with the planet

See, promises she can’t keep

“I know who she’s like”

me too

Bounty hunters?

Who you gonna call?

He’s our only hoe after all 😌

“I’m not who i used to be”

why, because you lost your sparring partner?

Great now i have to go and look up the travel time between Alderaan and Tatooine to know how long it takes for Bail to arrive

Yeah it’s something like 4 days give or take

“You couldn’t save Anakin”

here’s your daily reminder

“There is no one i trust more with my child than you”

hey that’s a sentence I’m sensitive about

Funny how it doesn’t hit the same at all tho 🙃

Ewan has really pretty eyes

A whole army no but I’ll do you one better

Is he

IS HE

digging for his lightsaber?

Did he find it by pinging the kyber?

Oh man i keep pausing on shots of Ewan looking hot that’s not good for my psyche

I’m going to have so much fun drawing him in something else than beige.

I mean come on he has LEATHER GLOVES i love drawing that shit

Ah shit no he was digging for his Jedi robes i hate this show

Bro do you actually wanna get arrested

They really do be hunting themselves

[zahri-melitor]

New Spring

Or I guess its other name is “Moiraine is extremely put upon and narrative causality comes for Lan”. Or “two young adults determinedly run away from being royalty”.

Yeah I jumped over here as the allure of the prequel was too big, I’ll be back with The Shadow Rising next.

1. Moiraine buying herself a horse the first second she’s allowed? I’m cackling. Purehearted horse girl.

2. “[Moiraine] had never thought she would dare give an Aes Sedai answer to the Amyrlin Seat.” Oh sweet innocent young Moiraine, you’re just getting practice in.

3. Also yes I noticed this is the Quite Gay Book as I have been promised.

4. Quite a LOT of bed sharing going on there, Siuan and Moiraine. And that dressing scene afterwards can easily be read as you weren’t wearing anything while sleeping.

5. Siuan telling Elayne and Egwene “corporal punishment then I’ll make you Accepted” is amusingly echoed in the “mice in Elaida’s bed” incident when Siuan and Moiraine became Aes Sedai but I cannot figure out what the repeat means. The strongest Aes Sedai get themselves into the most trouble?

5. Automatically my favourite book in the series so far as it has a dress shop scene and the politics of clothing. There are few types of scene I love more than a woman, with a dressmaker/seamstress, shopping and feeling pretty as they do so.

6. Moiraine being like “I give in, dress me however you want” ahahaha there speaks a noble used to court dress and not getting to have choices.

7. Rand: tossing invites into the fireplace with no understanding of what he’s communicating. Moiraine: tossing invites into the fireplace fully cognisant of the danger as YOU CAN’T MAKE ME SUN QUEEN, DO WHAT I WANT.

8. Moiraine: yes these dresses look hot on Siuan, confirmed, argument and money well spent.

9. Jordan you keep having women fold their arms UNDER their boobs and please, that’s not comfortable, that’s basically hugging your sides for comfort, why must dude writers be so bad at this.

10. “Her bed remained an ocean of froth that made Siuan giggle with delight”. Uh huh. Sea metaphor seen and noted in this (among other things).

11. “Wearing this dress and embarrassing myself is penance” ok yes go on and keep telling on yourself like that.

12. Moiraine: I am an adult! Making adult decisions! I can look after myself! Cadsuane: you are tiny babby, please make sure this baby has supervision she could hurt herself.

13. Lan and Moiraine! Trying to out stubborn each other! Two stiff necked, dramatic, petty, arrogant nobles who stand on their dignity. The combined power that will aggravate everyone else in the future directed specifically at making the other miserable.

14. Moiraine: we can take them on Lan: it’s four v fifty. We can’t Moiraine: just watch me Lan: no really it’s not going to work. We’ll just chase them off Moiraine (sulkily, 48 hours later): I could have taken them

15. Moiraine being shocked Siuan would seduce a MAN for information, wow is she ever queer the poor baby

16. I’m enjoying how the last third of this book is basically the set up for a romance except Lan and Moiraine just get bonded instead then spend 20 years spying together.

Ok, that one was just FUN. Both Young!Moiraine and Young!Lan are absolute idiots but hey everyone has to start somewhere. And yes, as I was informed, it is indeed QUITE GAY and Jordan has some obvious kinks showing. (The book kept going “and now we all get naked for this ritual” and I’m side-eyeing him going “you sound like Gardner”)

Theory: Lan and Moiraine don’t need to speak to each other much as they spent the entire first few years of their relationship just channeling all their frustration, anger and rage through the bond at the other rather than swearing as they were undercover so often, and they got so good at reading the other that when they finally worked out how to work in tandem they just kept silently emoting at each other. Like clearly. These two never sat down and talked through their problems out loud.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Top five magneto moments from the X-Men movies?

Ohhh...lemme think. (I tried picking from different films. It's not really in any order of preference, just scenes I think are neat.

1. aka the first one. I mean, not the first-first one or the second one or- but the first scene with Charles and Erik being Like That and doing their thing.

There's already at least one pretty popular post about why this scene is so damn good and how it tells us so much about these guys' dynamic without telling us much at all and I just really think it's well-done, well-acted. Especially since in the og movies, Mags and Charles aren't the main-characters so they don't get that much screen-time but this is what we need to know and there is just so much being communicated. I was kind of torn whether to pick this one or the very last one of the film but I chose this one bc I feel like the first one is more about Magneto (we already know he's going to be the villain right here, we learn what motivates him, we get some of the trademark bitchiness Ian McKellen brings to the character. Good stuff. Also when he walks off like: "We're the future, Charles! Not them! They no longer matter!" So much going on here.) while the end-one is more about Professor X. Also, for me the last scene actually elevates this one even further because of the way it makes this exchange frame the entire narrative of the film. You do get the sense that Charles and Erik are two chessplayers moving their pieces with the whole "What are you doing here?" - "Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answers?" and -

Like, you just get the sense that everything that happened between those scenes is just a little bit beneath them. It isn't any major break or change in their lives or relationship, they're the same as before and that also gives you an idea about the kind of history these guys already got to have.

2). Obviously.

Iconic. Show-stopping. Do I even need to say anything? Probably one of my favourite prison-break scenes ever put on screen. Everything about it. The dialogue, the violence, the "never trust a beautiful woman - especially one that's interested in you", the camera movement, the wink, the glass shattering and the cell coming apart, Ian McKellen floating on a metal/blood frisbee. This one has it all. Some physics guy on YouTube actually made a video about how powerful Magneto has to pull this off and apparently, this is a lot more impressive than any of the major property damage we see him cause across films.

3. Ah yes the Villa Gesell scene

Lemme say first: This scene is completely and utterly pointless from a plot-perspective. It's literally just a character moment. And I love character moments. It's just there to show us who Erik is and the film bends over backwards to justify this scene being in it: An entire stack of coincidences that is Shaw's photo hanging on the wall of this pub with the name of his boat clearly visible and he's sitting next to the two Nazis who happen to be sitting in this very pub right there and then and of course one of them has his Nazi knife with him (which is a very weird mixture of a Hitler Youth knife and an SS Honour Dagger and even ignoring that it's a mess bc they even forgot that German capitalises its nouns so why is the inscription all lower case and I'm the most annoying person on the planet to watch movies with but t-)

And the thing is - I actually like this entire scene even more for all of that. Because they could have just had that Swiss banker tell Mags where Shaw is. But instead, his entire trip to Argentinia is in there to let us see Erik kill Nazis and we get an exact sense of what he's doing with his life, who he is, how he is - and also did I mention dead Nazis? - I live for that (and also for a deleted scene where he sees a mother and her kid at the Argentinian airport and has a flashback and 😢).

I also like that it continues the pattern we get in the bank scene where he doesn't confront his targets directly but sets them up to incriminate themselves. We also get the "Frankenstein's Monster"-line which is something I have a lot of thoughts about - especially bc the whole "what makes us human/monsters"-question is a big deal in the movie. Also-also it sets up Charles 'head empty' moment from the finale of the movie where he tells Erik that the people CURRENTLY FIRING FUCKING NUCLEAR MISSILES AT THEM are just 'good innocent men' who are 'just following orders' and you just get the sense of how often Erik has heard this shit (also...thinking about how this film is set in 1962, meaning right after the Eichmann trial). There's just. A lot going on.

4. Oh let's be controversial!

ok I know this is something I know a lot of people hold against Erik and say it's one of his meanest and most unfair moments. but honestly? His anger is at least as earned as Charles' at this point and any take on this scene that is "one of them is right and the other is wrong" is ...boring. Erik once again lost people he cared about, he spent ten years in solitary confinement for a crime he didn't commit, he just learnt that literally everything that he warned about in the last film will happen (already has happened, partially), pretty much word for word ("Identification, that's how it starts. And ends with being rounded up, experimented on, eliminated.) to the point that an actual TIME-TRAVELLER comes back from the fucking future to tell them how bad they all fucked up.

(One of the things I like is that he doesn't make a difference between people who chose his side and people who chose Charles' side - he names Banshee along with Emma, Azazel, Angel. He's just sad about all of them. Generally, I'm still prissy that we never got to see him go full Magneto for any length of time in the prequels so him speaking of 'mutant brothers and sisters' is the closest we get to knowing what he would be like if they didn't always find some new weird between-movies plot for him like prison or starting a family in Poland or starting a leftist commune on an island - although I can kind of respect that one.)

Also anyone who ever had the misfortune of actually hearing me talk about this movie for any lengths of time knows I have...a lot of thoughts about Erik and his time in solitary confinement and I like that the first times we see his powers after he gets out after ten years of no metal, it's a huge mess. Erik as we know him from First Class would probably just wave his hands at those guards in the Pentagon kitchen and kill them with a few well-aimed knives in a blink of an eye - but this time around, he trashes the entire room and hits no one. And in the plane scene we see him lose control completely and almost bring down the plane once he snaps and you really get the sense that after ten years, he's no longer used to having metal around that reacts to his powers.

Also, in that same scene the mutual acknowledgement between him and Logan in the end? I liked that.

5. (almost) all scenes where he's just a giant menace to infrastructure and important landmarks.

Like the fact that he destroyed the Sydney opera house is just such a casual by-note, we don't even talk about that one. It's just how it goes, you know? The only let-down is that he literally went to France without taking down the Eiffel-Tower in DOFP? A giant metal structure? This is a serious oversight by the writers and really cheapens the whole movie-going experience. 2/10.

[sullustangin]

Fearful Avoidant Attachment and the Single Spy

Caveat:  I’m not a counselor of any sort, and I’m applying labels to fictional characters.  Don’t take this too seriously.

This post has been kicking around in different forms in my prompt document for awhile.  I will start posting my Yavin fic this weekend.  A major element of this fic will be the dynamic between Theron and the playable character/love interest.  Their interactions will be informed by how I view his attachments. I’ve put some of this into the fic series already.

“Attachment” in the Star Wars universe is the idea, according to George Lucas, that Jedi should love everyone but not get attached.  “Attached” in this context is possession, greed, being willing to do things for individuals rather than the greater good, and ultimately the fear of loss.  Attachment is a negative concept in Jedi philosophy.

However, I would argue that while this philosophy is in the back of Theron’s head, Jedi attachment concepts are not what makes Theron’s personal life messy.  It’s the personal context surrounding that teaching and his life events that shape this.  So let’s look at real life attachment theory. 

In its most basic form, attachment theory is the idea that children need to develop a positive relationship with a caregiver to turn out ok. If the child is neglected, then they will have problems forming healthy attachments to others.   There’s a lot of caveats to this theory.  Some put the threshold of ‘must have positive relationship by x age’ to age 2 or age 5.  Others state that this is problematic, because if a child loses their caregiver and passes into the hands of a less affectionate or downright abusive caregiver, then their positive attachment formation by age x doesn’t count for much.

There are several different types of attachment that a person can have.  A secure attachment is what most healthy relationships are rooted in. People feel safe and secure within themselves and within the relationship. Jedi can be attached in this fashion, even if they don’t call it this; the Jedi have orderly boundaries and a clear understanding of what their associations entail. They have care systems for younglings and padawans, which were like pre-modern apprenticeships.   They are secure within themselves as Jedi and in their relationships outside the order.  They are at peace.

An insecure attachment has a flaw in it; something is wrong in how the person relates to themselves and others in relationships, platonic, romantic or otherwise.  One type is dismissive or avoidant; the attachments are actively avoided, so the person is often isolated and rejects others and their friendly overtures.  Another type is anxious or preoccupied; people tend to get very clingy or possessive with anyone they latch onto, which can cause the relationship to self-destruct (hi, Anakin).

Then there is fearful avoidant attachment, the label I think fits Theron Shan, our favorite high-quality spy and absolute emotional disaster.  In theory, Theron tries to avoid deep emotional attachments because he’s scared of being left behind or not having those attachments reciprocated. At the same time, he desperately wants those attachments and relationships, but the potential of failure makes him avoid or even sabotage the relationship.  That results in an on-going war between Theron and his feelings. To quote Psychalive, “the person [he wants] to go to for safety is the same person [he is] frightened to be close to. As a result, [he has] no organized strategy for getting [his] needs met by others.”

Why does Theron have attachment issues?

Some accuse Satele Shan or Jace Malcom of being “bad parents.”  There’s a problem with this premise: although there is a biological relationship, neither Satele nor Jace had a parent-child relationship with Theron. Jace didn’t even know Theron existed until the child was 26, so he couldn’t act in any capacity.  Satele gave Theron up to be raised by someone else; she opted out of the role of mother and did not talk to him as mother-and-son until Theron was 26.  There isn’t an abusive or neglectful relationship here because there isn’t a relationship, period.  Much like romantic relationships, it’s better to have no relationship than a bad one. Jace and Satele didn’t raise Theron.  They were strangers to him until he was an adult.  They were never his caretakers.  Who did Theron have attachments to?

Theron was raised by a Jedi named Ngani Zho, who had been Satele Shan’s master when she was a padawan. After Satele gave birth in a cave on some planet, Zho took the child and raised him as his own son.  This was irregular, honestly.  Jedi younglings that express some sort of control over the Force are typically put into a creche at the Jedi Temple; we’ve seen this in the Star Wars prequel films.  Guss Tuno references this in SWTOR, as he was chagrinned to be in class with a bunch of five-year-olds in bathrobes.  Theron was raised by Zho directly and they were constantly traveling, based upon comments we read in The Lost Suns comic and in the novel Annihilation. Theron never entered the creche because he never manifested signs he was Force-sensitive – not even a little like Guss.

Zho traveled with Theron until the boy was an adolescent. Then, Theron was told by Zho to travel to the Jedi Temple at Haashimut to receive more training; he could do no more for him.  The trip through a desert nearly killed the boy.  When Theron had recovered, it fell to Master Till’in to tell him he would not be a Jedi.  Ever.  

Instead of telling Theron or notifying Satele about the boy’s lack of Force aptitude, Zho sent him onward and then disappeared.  There is no indication that Zho told anyone where he was going or why.  When Theron met Zho again at age 23, the Master’s mind was scrambled and confused; he couldn’t give any answers to Theron about anything.  Was there a mission he had been set on?  Or did he just wander off on his own?

For storytelling purposes, it’s convenient to pair Zho’s departure with the aftermath of the Treaty of Coruscant.  In the year Theron turned 13 (3653 BBY), the Great Galactic War ended with the Treaty of Coruscant, wherein the Sith Empire enforced demands on the Republic.  The Sith won. Zho leaving could be tied to this (through a mission or quixotic urge), but the source material isn’t clear on the timing.  

Theron’s life suddenly became very uncertain.  His entire life had been built up to becoming a Jedi.  To some extent, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, Theron probably felt like he was a failure.  We know he tried to fix this; in The Lost Suns, he acknowledged pursuing access to the Force through the Matukai Force tradition – being an ascetic. In Annihilation, he recalled and took particular umbrage at the “arrogance” of the Jedi – those that made him feel like any other path was second (or third or less)-best. This diminished over time, but the revelation about his lack of Force Sensitivity probably left Theron feeling very insecure about himself and who he was as an adolescent/young teen.

In terms of his relationships, Zho was gone with no forwarding address.  The man Theron called his father was no longer reachable, and for another ten years, there would be no closure as to what happened to him.  Zho had actively endangered Theron by sending him through a desert to Haashimut.  Did he gamble that the boy’s Force Sensitivity would manifest in a life-threatening crisis or something?  Who knows? Theron never went into the Jedi creche, so he didn’t have close peers or friends beyond pen pals at best.  Theron had not spoken to his bio parents at all to this point, and he probably didn’t know many (if any) non-Force Sensitive kids.  With his expulsion from Jedi society, Theron’s entire relationship network was gone.

This is important to understand -- Theron had been raised to not have attachments that would lead to selfishness or fear of loss, but he was raised to be able to love and care for others.  He lived in a structure that fostered good psychological attachments (secure attachments) to the order and to his fellow sentients without possessiveness or jealousy. Theron knew his mother gave him up. He knew one day Zho would give his care over to another Master.  He knew one day, he would leave the Temple to go out into the galaxy.   Theron knew how the galaxy worked and his role in it...

..and then it was torn away from him.  No more masters, no more knowledge of what came next, no way to ever work with his mother as a Jedi.  His life to that point had been an illusion -- he was never able to access the Force, and Zho knew it.  This left Theron as insecurely attached, as nothing that he anticipated for his life would ever happen, and he knew nobody that would accompany him into this new life. 

External to all this, the Republic Theron was raised to serve was on the losing end of war.  How the galaxy worked, as far as Theron knew to that point, was going to change.  After Till’in told Theron the truth, all we know is that he spent some time in Haashimut before going elsewhere. We the viewer have no idea what happened to Theron from adolescence until he was 16, when he entered SIS per Annihilation.  This may be a canon math/timing error, or it could be reasonable; Theron might have been able to get permission to join a government organization at 16.  If Theron was in foster care or a ward of the state or something else, whoever was involved didn’t make an impact worthy of mention thus far in SWTOR canon.

Theron described Zho in The Lost Suns as “never reliable.”  That was a 23-year-old looking back.  Yet, he referred to him as his father in Annihilation three years later, and even eight years later in SWTOR: KotFE, he mentions that “Master Zho would be proud.”  This seems contradictory.  Additionally, in both The Lost Suns and Annihilation, SIS Director Marcus Trant expressed concern about Theron and his issues.  Theron was a workaholic.  Being a workaholic is actually a sign of having attachment issues; a person attaches themselves to work, not people   Theron expressed desires to run away, go on vacation, and do new stuff… but he never did these things – couldn’t get away from the job.

Attachment theory states that a child has difficulty with attachments if they are abused or somehow neglected by their caretaker. The desert march definitely strikes me as falling into one of those categories, but again, Zho’s logic isn’t readily offered up to the viewer, nor are many details about Theron’s life as a traveling youngling.  That all said, Zho’s traumatic departure probably caused attachment issues that had no other herald.

Why do the labels “fearful” and “avoidant” fit Theron?

Theron Shan as the player met him in Forged Alliance SWTOR was a professional.  Flirting was ignored, mildly acknowledged, or, rarely, fully reciprocated. There was no physical contact between Theron and his asset. This doesn’t seem off or irregular until his romance is compared to that of Lana Beniko. She didn’t have the same issues expressing affection for her asset on Imp side; she touched their face and gave them a hug by the time the spies went under deep cover after Rakata Prime. Even if the player did not romance Lana, Lana herself was keen to make a team and bust open the conspiracy; she wasn’t as willing to go it alone.  

Avoidant people tend to refrain from contact, and they like being independent.  They don’t do well in teams.  Sound familiar?  Fearful avoidants also have the concern that they will fail their partner or that their partner will fail them.  If the player was Imp side, Theron was a jerk well into the Rishi storyline.  Eventually, Theron did come around.  His dialogue and follow-up letter reflect the fact that he actually did want these connections and attachments.  He enjoyed the time he had with the player.  

This is particularly pronounced if Theron was romanced by the player on Rishi and Yavin; first physical contact occurred on Rishi with a kiss.  If the player was Pubside, the fade-to-black and his comments on Yavin indicate they had sex.  Those episodes of affection, paired with the Pub post-Yavin letter and dialogue, really emphasize the connection that was formed.  Interestingly, Theron did not get a fade-to-black with the Imperial player. One might argue that he knew they were going to leave him, and so he couldn’t –wouldn’t—get attached.

…. And then Ziost happened. Theron refused to ask for help. He didn’t want to depend on that attachment.  He was distant on Ziost, regardless of how far the relationship went, and if Pubside, he declined a drink afterwards.

Whatever transpired between Ziost and the Eternal Fleet Incident, it’s clear that a romanced Theron and the player never defined their relationship.  There were certain boundaries that never were crossed.  He’d “like to think” the player is dreaming of him, but he didn’t want to presume.  Even after Theron got into a romantic relationship on Odessen, he still struggled with his ability to be attached, as evidence by his letters and expressions of affection and concern throughout the KotFE/KotET expansions.  

One might argue that the traitor element of the Nathema Conspiracy was partially caused by Theron’s attachment issues: his independent streak, his inability to ask for help, his lack of faith in others to do the job right (not telling anyone the truth), his lack of faith in himself (his willingness to understand why the player might dump/exile him). If romanced, he gave one of his Holonet messages the subject line “I love you,” but even then, he did not clue the player into his self-made mission.  Certainly, the Nathema Conspiracy happens because of Theron’s desperate desire to save the galaxy and the player at any cost – including the relationship itself and his life.

For those who let Theron live, the attachment issues have faded as Theron has gotten engaged/married and/or reformed a relationship with his bio parents… or the writers have moved on from Lana and Theron as companions.  Regardless, we have to keep in mind that Theron is closing in on 40, and he has grown as a character since he first appeared in Star Wars media at age 23 (baby and adolescent only in flashbacks).  His issues with his relationships, the Jedi, the Republic, and his bio parents have changed over the course of 17 years.  In the last story patch, people who have romanced Theron received letters from both Theron and his mother about how good the player is for him, and it’s very satisfying to see how far he has come.

How does this label of ‘fearful avoidant’ manifest in your fanworks?

Since not everyone is into fic, I’ll drop this behind a cut. 

Basically, my version of Theron wants love but is terrified of all the feelings and closeness that come with it.  When people get close, he draws away, but still wants them to be close.  Theron has had good relationships, but if it gets too serious, he runs.  That’s the case for his last major relationship prior to my oc; his Mirialan girlfriend was drawing a tattoo to mark their relationship, and she wanted him to meet the parents. Theron noped out of there pretty hard by taking a long mission off Coruscant and sort of forgetting to tell her.  There are several times where he takes a big step with Eva (my oc)– disclosure, physical intimacy, caring for her or letting her care for him – and then he just doesn’t contact her for the next few days.  He dives into work to avoid her.  Toward the end of their initial relationship, that will turn into weeks and months.  He is freaked out when he does things with her that are intimate, sexual or not.  He has a lot of fear that he will be left again, so he leaves first. 

Theron also sets up a lot of rules and boundaries that the partner has to dance around to get in.  After 300,000 words, I just completed a slow burn with the Rishi kiss, because Theron wouldn’t get involved with Eva until after the op to expose the conspiracy was over.  There will be more rules once they get to Yavin.  

When I was doing research on this, I read a clinical study that found that people with avoidant attachment issues are particularly fastidious about safe sex.  They don’t want attachments to their lovers in the form of a disease or a child.  Anxious attachments tend to eschew this and take the risk so they can be bound to someone. This is part of why I gave Theron a male birth control implant, but there will also be reference to his back-up (condoms) and back-up back-up (PreP) to ensure there aren’t any adverse consequences for him.

Theron is often alone, but that doesn’t make him lonely by default.  In part, that might be due to his avoidance of attachments.  Dude can pick up people at a bar and get laid. Theron isn’t adverse to sex, just intimacy.  He can find someone to hook up, but that doesn’t mean there is anything beyond sex attached to it.  Theron can and does get dates, and he can have relationships ... but that doesn’t mean he can make a healthy connection to the other person.  I think his issues are more emotional/internal than they are caused by not getting enough physical contact or affection from others.  People want to love him.  People reach out to him to be friends or have a relationship.  He just doesn’t want it; he avoids it.  I imagine that this is partly the case with Jace and his SIS coworkers.

The last fearful avoidant feature I’ll give Theron in my series is the tendency to idealize relationships after they’re dead and over. When the relationship is no longer available, it is held up and made glorious, partially to enable the person not to pursue a different relationship; it’ll never be as good, so why try?  This also calls in the tendency for fearful avoidants to fear not only screwing up the relationship themselves, but that others won’t live up to their expectations. Theron is a mess after the Eternal Fleet incident and never moves on from Eva.  It’s reasonable when he thinks she’s alive, but for a good two years, he thinks she’s dead… and he can’t.  With anyone else.

Unlike the game, I eventually send Theron to a therapist to deal with the fearful avoidant attachment issues.  I figure if I’m going to give a fictional character a real-world label, I need to give him a real-world solution that might work.

[skellebonez]

How about 70 for that one au where Red decided after Bad Weather that he liked MK? (Maybe a confession of some sort?)

Oh, I love that I get to come back to this idea! This is the first fill (which, holy shit, I cannot believe this got so many notes) and this was the follow up, so this one gets to be a prequel! I went absolutely wild on this... it's super long.

Was this supposed to be a romantic gesture?

Things had been suspiciously quiet since Red Son had attacked the weather station one week ago to the day. It had only taken him a day and a half to return, attacking Xiaotian and demanding a rematch in the middle of a delivery run only to immediately run off in a burst of flames and sputtered insults when he body slammed him into the side of his truck not even 2 minutes into the fight. He returned 5 seconds later with an angry scream for the truck and hadn’t come back since.

Nothing had happened since. Nothing.

And Xiaotian was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Oh, he joked about how Red must have learned his lesson and gone into hiding and how he didn’t worry about him coming back to get his butt kicked again, but deep in the back of his mind he just knew that he had something up his sleeve.

And oh how he hated being right sometimes.

“You can’t run away this time, Noodle Boy!” Red Son screamed as he chased Xiaotian, doing everything in his power to keep him from reaching his tuk-tuk. He was fighting more intensely, more viciously than the last two times, but this time without any of his fire or Bull Clones for backup. He had waited for him to take a delivery far outside of the city and ambushed him in his truck once again, blocking the road and making it nearly impossible for the delivery boy to leave. “NOW FIGHT ME PROPERLY!”

“I am fighting you!” Xiaotian screamed in turn, blocking each and every punch and kick with the staff. They’d been doing this song and dance for almost 5 minutes and Xiaotian was starting to get frustrated and angry and tired.

“I SAID PROPERLY!” Red Son repeated, landing a harsh punch to the back of one of Xiaotian’s hands.

He yelped, jumping back and waving his hand in pain before scowling in Red’s direction. “Oh, oh you want me to fight you without the staff? OK, fine, have it your way I can still kick your ass!”

The staff shrank down to the size of the tiniest pin and as Xiaotian stored it away in his ear he rushed at Red Son with a scream and aimed a punch at the other’s face. He startled when the punch landed hard only to have Red Son laugh in response and try to grapple him and toss him completely over his head with a yell of “FINALLY” and just barely managed to land on his feet.

He turned and went to punch once again, missing as Red leaned to the side and dropped down to grab his waist and return the body slam into the truck from last time. Xiaotian pulled his legs up and back, kicking Red hard in the torso and sending him flying away and freeing him from his grasp. He watched as the fire demon bounced and landed on his back a few feet away and rushed forward in anticipation for another attack... That did not come.

He stopped only a few short steps away from the fire demon, looking down carefully. Red Son laid where he landed on the ground, his chest rose and fell in heavy breathing from the battle and if it wasn’t Xiaotian would have been worried he had accidentally killed him.

“Uh-”

“Please go out with me.”

“EXCUSE ME!?” Xiaotian sputtered as Red Son sat himself up and he took a step back in shock, Red holding his chest and blushing even harder than the Monkie Kid himself was at the sudden request. “I-you-we just!? WHAT?”

“I- shit no, I apologize, that wasn’t how I intended to ask,” Red said as his hair started to sway in flames, blush deepening as he looked away.

“You... want to go out with me?” Xiaotian questioned, narrowing his gaze and watching Red Son’s face carefully. “I.... I’ve kicked your ass four times and stopped your father and-WAIT is this a trap?”

“No!” Red exclaimed as he rose to his feet, sighing as he ran his hands over his face. “No, I... I’ll explain in a moment. I, uh... after our battle at the weather station... I may have come to the conclusion that... maybe.. I had misjudged you and that you’re kind of handsome?”

Xiaotian froze, looking at Red Son with wide eyes before blushing more. “You think I’m handsome?” He chuckled, suddenly feeling awkward. This entire conversation had become very awkward, just enough for him to think... maybe he should see this at least part way through.

“Yes, and... I apologize for the... garbage comments,” Red said. “I was trying very hard to sound intimidating for my Bull Clones. They were immature at best.”

“I mean, we were kind of fighting on opposite sides and -HEY!" Xiaotian shook his head, scowling once again. What was he thinking? "Come on, I can't just accept you at your word! You're a bad guy, you and your dad and your mom destroyed half the city!"

"Ah yes," Red Son nodded casually as if he had expected such a retort as he reached into his coat pocket. "To prove I am serious about this proposition I took it upon myself to use my private funds to recoup the costs of 75% of the city restoration anonymously... since at least 25% of that was also you." He unfolded a paper, a genuinely official looking one.

Stepping forward carefully to read it, Xiaotian saw it certainly looked like a printed receipt for donations...

"... you're... serious about this aren't you?" He questioned, staring into Red Son's face as he did. "You actually want to go out with me."

"Just once," Red Son clarified as he put the paper in his pocket. "After the weather station I just couldn't stop thinking about the fight. I'd worked myself up enough to attack you thinking I had simply been angry about my defeat, but soon I realized I was not angry but impressed. It takes a lot to impresse me, Noodle Boy, and-"

"Xiaotian."

"Huh?" Red Son paused at the interruption and his hair flamed up more.

"If you're serious call me by my actual name, Xiaotian," he repeated, crossing his arms and jumping as Red Son burst into flames for a moment before seeming to calm down.

"Xi-Xiaotian," Red Son continued, voice more flustered than before. "I. I was impressed and. Realized that I found that. Attractive." His words were more stilted and awkward and if the situation was different Xiaotian would have only found it endearing. "I... LOOK- I spent 2 days researching human dating customs and I don't know if I'm doing this right at all and demon customs for courtship are very different and outdated and-"

"Sure."

"Huh?" Red flamed up again, blushing deeply. "Did you say yes!?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Xiaotian shrugged with a smile. "I'll go out with you. But why attack me again?"

"I needed to judge how strong you were in case you said yes and we needed to pretend to fight..."

This was going to be interesting.

[s1utspeare]

Fic Writer Interview Meme

I was tagged by my beloved @hils79, whose answers to this were so??? nice???? and good??? i was like HILLLSSSSS MY LOOOOVVVEEEE esp. with their spicy opinion like. it was very good. 

name: Brigid! But slutspeare on ao3!

fandoms: hoo doggy. uhhhhh I wrote fic for Percy Jackson, Sherlock, the Avengers, and Doctor Who in Ye Olden Days on FF.net, but now I mostly write DMBJ fic, which, tbh, is really the only fandom that I like writing fic for at this point?? I think it’s because of the people lmao. And also the extremely versatile ways I can use the characters

two-shot: I don’t think I have a two-shot? I have some two-parter series, either finished or in the works, but for me it’s either one-shot or many-shots. I like two-shots though! They’re always very good bc More Content but with the neat formatting of a one-shot

most popular multi-chapter fic: A Swiftly Tilting Planet yooooooo! I mean to be fair it’s also my only multi-chapter fic but

actual worst part of writing: SUMMARIES i’m literally so bad at summaries. they’re all either short or don’t actually make sense bc I’m literally terrible at writing them. I also hate the feeling where the fic is all inside you and wants to come out but you don’t have enough time/energy/typing speed to get it out there quick enough

how you choose your titles: they’re usually song lyrics or lines from poems lmao. I’m also not great at titles. the FoBa Psychic Detective AU is gonna be called You Don’t Recognize the Bodies in the Water, which is from a weird-ass TikTok I saw the other day so uhhhhh take my titling ability as being Non-Existant

do you outline: YES ok so i was adamantly against outlining for like. my entire writing career bc i was like “it’s a waste of time, idk what’s going to happen, i find it out as i write” and then i outlined Swiftly Tilting and banged that one out SO fucking quick. Like, even just having a basic idea of where you want to go before you start makes writing SO much easier. how did i not discover this hack earlier. Also, you don’t even have to stick with it! You can change it as you discover things! Like! Ah! 

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: hmmmm i don’t know! There’s like! so many! and most of them I could conceivably get around to, but it might be awhile. I have a vague idea for a Swiftly Tilting prequel about the m9 ship crew, and also a Vincenzo fic about vinnie and luca being IN LOVE because they ARE but i don’t know if I have enough passion in me to write for that show. other than that, though, is just like. a veritable cascade of ideas waiting (ooohh like the Jia Kezi/Li Jiale ghost roommate oneshot based on the hit BL drama He’s Coming to Me? i would LOVE to write that one but idk if it will happen). aslighalkdsfjladkjf @vishcount I also had a SOTUS-dream last night where Arthit discovers a secret plot at the college that involves a gun full of bees that Kongpob’s mother developed and he has to keep it hidden from the Bad Guys who want to use it to create like, fuckin, superpowered swimmers?? also there was a lot of angst involved bc Arthit was a swimmer in high school for some reason and then something happened oh wait oh shit I realize why that was, it’s because Krist was in that one show where he played a swimmer in high school and it was very angsty. Ok my brain makes sense now. Also BTS was there. 

callouts @ me: i love u. slow down u maniac.

best writing traits: oh gosh uhhhhhhh ok I don’t want this to sound like i’m bragging or full of myself but like. I’m fucking good at writing. There’s definitely stuff that I need to work on, and maybe i should edit things a little more but like??? bitch!!!! you’re good at this!!! this is your job!!! idk I spent so much time being like “aw shit what if I’m actually not that good what if everyone who reads my stuff is just being nice and saying that they like it and it actually sucks” but i’ve looked back on some of the things i’ve done recently and I’m like, actually a good writer. I mean I’ve been practicing for a long time, so it stands to reason that I would be decent by now. But SHIT like. I’m doing ok! and I’m still a baby! I can only get better! 

spicy tangential opinion: I don’t know if I really have any writing Hot Takes? oh wait i guess i do have one sort of. I think the “fake it until you make it” saying is also super applicable to writing, bc in college I was like “ok what if I just make this as Pretentious Sounding As Possible” and everyone was like “omgggg ur so goooodddd this proseee” and i was like “oh damn i didn’t realize that would work.” and now my ace ass writes straight p*rn romance novels for a living. like I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing half the time, but if you put your work out there with confidence and the knowledge that someone will want to read it, someone is going to read it. also u don’t have to know what a penis looks like to write Sex Involving Penises. You’ve just gotta be good at metaphors. 

this was so fun! I love answering questions! I’m gonna tag @vishcount, @lacommunarde, @gaiahenshin, @merinnan, @bookjoyworm, @humanlighthouse, and @undyingsunshine for this one, if you haven’t already been tagged (but as always, no pressure)! also, anyone else who would like to do it, pls tag steal from me!!! love u bbs, hope you’re having a great day! 

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Cinnamon Rolls

Summary: Rushbelle. Belle is missing Earth. Rush manages to put his foot in it until he learns the deeper reason for Belle’s distress. This acts as a prequel to my previous fic Whispers, but it can stand alone as well.

Written for the @a-monthly-rumbelling October moodboard prompt, available here.

Rated: T

===

Cinnamon Rolls

“I miss cinnamon rolls.”

Rush paused in his contemplation of what had affectionately become known as ‘Rush’s Wall of Mathematical Madness’ and looked over at Belle. She was staring into the middle distance, playing with the chalk between her fingers and very obviously several million miles away from Destiny.

“Pardon?”

“I miss cinnamon rolls. I miss all proper food. Roast lamb with all the trimmings, lobster, chocolate fondant, steak sandwiches… But most of all, I miss cinnamon rolls. I’m beginning to think that I might never eat them again. I know I’ve gone back to earth and eaten them via the stones, but it’s not the same when it’s not your own taste buds, and inevitably I have to come back here to this body, whose taste buds only remember protein gloop and the odd things we’ve managed to grow in hydroponics.” She sighed, finally looking over at Rush. “I miss Earth,” she said simply. “I want to go home. I know that what we’re doing out here is important, discovering the key to life, the universe and everything, and I understand why you feel the need to keep chasing that until the end. But I want to go home, Nick. I’m tired of this. I can’t cope with it anymore.”

It was the longest speech that Belle had made to him for days. She had been subdued and withdrawn for a long time, and now he knew why. Rush gave an inward sigh. He was not a good boyfriend. A good boyfriend would have noticed that Belle’s behaviour was off and would have asked about it, instead of just shrugging it off as one of those inexplicable quirks of human interaction that he didn’t currently have time for, then going about his day. 

In Rush’s defence, though, he had never claimed to be a good boyfriend when he and Belle had first got together. In fact, he had explicitly stated that he was probably going to be a very bad one. Belle knew what she was getting into and she’d stuck by him for almost a year and a half. All the same, it did make him feel a bit guilty. He turned back to the wall, trying to distract himself from the unwelcome feeling.

“Do you miss anything about Earth?” Belle asked. There was something hard and accusatory in her tone, and Rush didn’t like it. He bristled.

“Of course I do.”

“Apart from a whiteboard and a limitless supply of dry-erase markers, and anything else that would make your job here easier?”

That stung, and Rush turned to her.

“Of course I miss Earth. I miss normal food and normal showers with running water like everyone else, but unlike everyone else, I can put that aside in order to get on with the task at hand!” He indicated the wall, annoyed that he’d lost his train of thought.

“Jesus, Nick, are you even listening to yourself? Are you even human?” Belle got up from her position cross-legged on the floor. Rush knew he’d said the wrong thing, but since he had no idea what the right thing was, he opted to keep his mouth shut.

Belle threw her hands up in defeat. “We had a life, before all this happened! We had a nice, normal, happy life, and we may never have that life again, and I miss that life! I miss coming to your house and sitting in front of your fireplace and talking about things that were in no way, shape or form related to astrophysics! I miss dating! I miss having you all to myself and not having to share you with a spaceship that’s falling apart at the seams! I miss that life, and you have the audacity to stand there and infer that the life I miss is just a distraction! That it was never as important to you as this new life is!”

There was a long pause, and Belle shook her head. “I deserve more respect than that, Nick.”

She left the corridor then, no doubt going back to the cool and calm of the hydroponics lab where she spent most of her time, caring for her little seedlings and helping build their new life here on Destiny even as she longed for her old one back home. Her footsteps echoed eerily along the metal corridors, and Rush turned back to his wall again. At the end of the day they would both calm down and everything would be just about ok again, although this did seem to be a hurdle that they were destined to come back to. 

It must have gone deeper than just missing Earth. Belle had expressed how much she missed Earth before, but it had always been in a more wistful tone, like she expected never to see it again and was nostalgic for the time they’d had there. Rush had thought that she’d made her peace with Destiny becoming their permanent home just as much as he had. This longing was something very different, and it perturbed him more than their argument had. 

He did value Belle, of course he did, and he had loved the time they’d spent together on Icarus and on Earth. He loved her, and he could never think that she, or their relationship, was a distraction. He just wasn’t very good at expressing that, especially not when there were so many other things pressing in at the edges of his mind. 

Perhaps he did take her for granted in a way, a kind of comfortable reassurance that she would always be there and would always forgive him no matter what else might come their way. He thought that they had done very well to be able to keep their relationship going amid all the stresses of their stranding - perhaps the fact that no-one else on Destiny seemed to have realised that they were even in a relationship at all helped - but now, things looked like they were falling apart and he knew that he could not rely on having Belle there in the background like she had always been. 

It was not a happy thought.

X

Belle came back to the corridor later in the day, leaning carefully against the wall so as not to smudge the chalk marks there. 

“We need to talk,” she said. There was a quiet sadness in her voice, and Rush wondered, with a gnawing little feeling of ice in the pit of his stomach, if this was the moment when they fell apart; not explosively, not with hard words and shouting like there had been earlier, but with sadness and disappointment, like so many things fell apart. “We needed to talk earlier, and I was segueing into it but then I flew off the handle.”

“I know you miss Earth,” Rush began. “And honestly, I do miss it too.”

Belle shook her head. “It’s not that. Well, it’s not just that. It’s the terror of feeling like we may never get back there. It’s not so much the things on Earth that I miss as Earth itself. And I’ve always felt that way, and I’ve always managed to push it down and make the best of it, because what other choice did I have? But I can’t do it any longer.” She sighed, and her eyes were melancholy when they finally met his. She’d been crying, it was obvious. “I’m pregnant, Nick.”

For a long time, silence reigned supreme in the corridor. It was a heavy, all-encompassing silence that was screaming with the need to be filled. Although Rush had perfectly understood the three words that had just come out of Belle’s mouth, he was having a lot of trouble actually processing them and having them sink in and their full repercussions become known.

“What?” He wished that he didn’t sound so shocked, his voice choked in the back of his throat, but he knew that at least it sounded better than something flat and emotionless would have done. He had no idea how to react to the news. It was… Well, if he was being brutally honest with himself then he couldn’t say that it was entirely unexpected given their lack of resources on Destiny, but it had come so far out of the left field, so out of the blue that he simply hadn’t given any thought to it at all. 

“I’m pregnant.” Belle gave a soft sigh, raising her hands as if to use them to illustrate her point - Belle was good at talking with her hands when she got excited, but she was far from excited now - and then just wrapping them around her chest like she was trying to hold herself together. “I mean, we’re still having sex even though I ran out of my Pill three months ago. It’s not exactly like this wasn’t a risk.”

Rush gave a slow nod. “No, no I can see that.” He paused. “Are you sure? Are you sure it’s not just stress and bad diet making you skip a period?”

Belle nodded. “I’m sure. TJ has tests in the medical stock. She knows, but no one else does.”

Rush let them fall into silence again. His most primal instinct was telling him to swear and smack his fist against the wall, but he knew that would not help matters in the slightest. Belle was already standing on a knife edge, close to breaking point, and their relationship had already started to strain beneath the massive consequences of this news even before he’d been aware of it. Rush was not a social person by any manner or means and he was not a good boyfriend, but he retained enough interpersonal awareness to know that showing anger would be the worst reaction he could make.

This was not what he needed right now. It was not what he needed at any point in time if he was being honest. He’d never had any desire to be a father; it had never been on the cards with Gloria and he’d never spoken about it with Belle, but he’d assumed that she felt the same way as he did. He had never wondered if she might want to start a family. 

All the same, even if she did want to, here on Destiny, stranded in the middle of nowhere on a quest to discover the origins of life and time itself, well, it was hardly the place to start one. 

“So what happens now?” he asked. Whatever decision was going to be made, neither of them could make it alone. This was on both of them, this baby was a part of both of them. 

Belle wiped her eyes. 

“Now I need you to put me first, instead of this ship,” she said quietly. “We have so much to decide, so much to talk about. I want to be a mother, Nick. I want to have a baby, and God knows I want to have one with you. But at the same time, can we really justify bringing a child into this world?” She gestured around the corridor. “This would be so much easier if we were on Earth. But we might never get back there. I may never have a better world to bring a child into. So we are going to have to think long and hard about what we do next, and I need to know that no matter what happens, you’re with me, and no matter what happens, you think it will be worth it. I don’t want to feel like this is just a distraction from what you’re working towards. This is so much bigger than missing cinnamon rolls, Nick. This is missing opportunities. This is missing life.”

Rush came across and put his arms around her, welcoming her slight frame leaning against him. This was unexpected and unprecedented, and he still didn’t know how he was going to deal with it all in the long term, but even he could tell that it was time to put Destiny aside and focus on Belle. 

There was a long and difficult road ahead for their relationship, no matter what the future might bring.

[daily-jaspvid]

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - Jaspvid fluff

This is the first chapter of my prequel series. This takes place the winter before the show takes place, in which Jasper happens upon David at a party. 

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but it is quickly turning into at least 3 chapters. I can’t post the second chapter here, but chapters 1 and 3 will be here! No plot happens in chapter 2, just NSFT content heh.

also the title song! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5Or6-HOveg

Here's part 1! Merry Christmas!

Gem insisted this party would be good; that she had seen this band perform before and how great they were live. With nothing better to do, I decided to tag along. After all, finals were over and we were due to celebrate before we headed home for winter break. 

When we arrived Gem was immediately distracted by the punch bowl conversation. From how many people stopped to greet her, I was reminded of how gregarious my friend was compared to me. Not wanting to harsh her style too much, I took my cup of punch towards the dance floor.  From the looks of it, the band was starting to set up, so the waiting stereo pumped out indie tunes. 

I idly bopped along to a familiar song when a firm force bumps me from behind. I stagger, holding out my drink to steady it. In the next beat, I feel hands brace my waist to steady me. The hands are warm, firm, but didn’t feel of ill intent. 

“Oh, sorry about that!” Chirped an equally as warm voice. I turn and the hands pop off me like old stickers peeling away. I see an auburn-haired man who offered a genuinely sorry smile. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied abruptly as anxiety swelled in me. Sure, I was expecting to meet a few new people today, but a cute ginger boy right off the bat? I guess Christmas was coming early. 

He wore a red button down and a pair of blue jeans. He appeared to be wearing a band tee, but I can’t figure out who in particular. His face shown with simply the brightest smile I have seen in years. It felt familiar. 

“So, uh… you ever see this band before?” I ask after a few awkward seconds of standing together. 

“I haven’t. Honestly, this is the first party I’ve been to this semester. I’ve been pretty busy between classes and student teaching. You?”

“Pretty much the same. I’m studying to be a writer. Not as exciting, I’m sure, but it’s an excuse to spend all my free time reading at home.” I admit with a quick and strained smile. Before he could respond, Gem came upon us with one of her friends. 

“Hey, you two! See, Cathy? I told you they would get along! We didn’t even have to enact the master plan!” Gem exclaimed, causing Cathy to stifle a laugh. 

“David, you’ve met Gem from my psych class,” she motioned to the mutual friend. “So you must be her friend from therapy, was it?”

I shoot Gem a look, which she just shrugged to. Damn psych majors and their gossip. “Yes, Jasper,” I confirm, offering my hand to her. She gives it a firm and professional shake. 

“Isn’t he just the cutest, Cathy? Hes such a little crab! It took me weeks to convince him to come!” Gem lamented. She moved in front of me to adjust my clothing, tugging at my popped collar to lay it down. I grimace, hand twitching with a desire to hide my exposed neck. I see David’s eyes flicker down to my neck before looking away, tension filling into his eyes. That was most people’s reaction when they see the scars there. The polite ones, anyway.

The conversation was cut short by the music lowering and a mic switching on. The band introduced themselves as Florist and began playing their easy, folky tunes to the milling crowd. Gem scurried off through the crowd to get closer while Gem hung back to tap away at her phone. Just as quickly as they came, I was once again left alone with the lithe ginger. I spent most of the set watching him from my peripherals. He swayed gently to the music, expression fixated intently on the band. He seemed to pour all of his focus into them and I could feel the aura force field around him, seeming to block everything else out. 

Before I could fully process his energy the set was already over. The band thanked us for listening and the previous playlist switched back on. By this point, people were beginning to collect their friends and head out. David seemed to be remembering his place among the crowd and looked around. Our eyes catch each other’s and I find my voice springing out before really even considering my words. 

“Hey. You wanna get some coffee?” The words tumble out, and by the time I get to the end of the statement, I can feel myself quivering with unease. If David picked up on this he didn’t show it. 

“Yeah, sure! I’d love to!” He chimed. David caught Cathy’s attention to let her know the plan. I felt a little bad about ditching Gem, but it wasn’t like she seemed very keen on hanging around me. It’s what she would want.

When we stepped outside it was, unfortunately, pouring rain. Freezing rain. I unrolled my sleeves to save myself from the cold a little bit.

“Damn, so much for getting anywhere in this. I’ll call us a Lyft.” We hung out on the porch while I set up the ride. 

Despite the weather, it arrived within minutes. We ducked in, only made mildly damn. Though the café was only a few blocks away, it felt longer in the silence. Once again I found myself watching him from the corner of my eye. As we turned the block the side of the road through his window showed the dark abyss of dense forest. His reflection in the window became water-warped, and the familiarity finally clicked. I let out a quick huff of my breath, catching his attention.

“Davey?” I asked tentatively. His head snapped up from his phone, eyes wide. He looked like he had seen a ghost. 

“Nobody calls me that. Not since I was a kid - except for Mr. Campbell, but-” He paused, his confused expression shifting to concern as I recoil at the name “Campbell”. Memories of my 11th summer come crashing back to me and I suddenly feel ill. As if on cue, our driver stops to drop us off. I have never been more thankful to stand in the pouring rain.

“Come on, you’ll get soaked to the bone!” David exclaimed, grabbing my hand to pull me into the café. 

Thankfully this place had good heating. The cozy café had few patrons. Most people were either at parties or already homeward bound to family. We stepped up to order and it wasn’t until the barista gave us a knowing smile that we realized we were still holding hands. Flustered, we take turns ordering our drinks. 

“So… You’re the Jasper I knew all those years ago? From summer camp? It’s been, what, 13 years? Man, it must really be a small world, huh?” He sighed nostalgically. 

“Honestly, I’m surprised I recognized you,” I admit with a shrug. “I guess I remember more about that last summer than I thought. For a long time it was such a blur, to be honest.”

We collected our drinks and headed to a space heater in the back of the café. It had a couple of chairs surrounding it that we settled in to. David flopped into his with a heavy, content sigh. I sat more forwardly in mine, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning towards the warmth. I felt numb, like neither the aching cold nor the radiating heat could break through to me. 

“You seem sad.” David’s voice broke through the silence once again. It was low and tender as he leaned over to me.

“I’m fine, really, just… a lot is coming back to me, is all,” I chew on my lip and spoke through grit. “A lot of not great thing happened that last summer we knew each other. Not great things that lead to worse things. It isn’t your fault, of course, It's just… forget it.”

David reached out a hand and placed it on my leg, giving it a squeeze. his eyes scanned as if searching for the right words to say but ultimately decided to remain quiet. We sat like this for a few minutes before I pulled out my phone.

“Hey, can I have your number? I’d like to keep in touch again if that's ok?”

“Of course! I would love to catch up!” Davey perked up as he received my phone and punched in his number. “So, what do you like to write?”

Hours soon had drifted by as we conversed. I soaked in every smile and laugh. Craved every new emotion I could draw out of his expressive being. Anything he had to give, really. Davey radiated with life. It poured out of his being, passion radiating like a star.

Oh, God.

I can’t be falling in love.

I feel my breath hitch as I suck in air. Davey notices and pauses his story to ask if I was alright, only for the clock to ding for 4 am. Shit. 

“You can crash at my place if you’d like.” he offers as we stand. I feel like I am going to faint back into the chair. Clearing my voice and adjusting my flannel, I nod.

“I’d like that more than anything right now.” I reply, taking up his offer and hoping I don’t sound too desperate. Just like that, we set back off into the rain and caught a ride across town to his apartment.

[moonbearmeliox]

X-Men Series Film Review

Welcome back to “Bren rambles about a movie/tv series.” So I just spent the past three days watching the main X-Men movies and while watching I wrote down my thoughts and what came to mind when watching the movies. Spoiler Warning(duh) for the X-Men movies. Also trigger warning because I do talk about homophobia and conversion camps.

X-Men

As the woman is talking about how mutants can be scared to revel themselve because they could be met with hostility and violence, I find this as a parellel to gay marriage and how LGBTQ+ are scared to come out because they won’t be accepted. Mutants are scared to say they’re mutants of fear of being put to death; LGBTQ+ people are scared to come out in fear of being met with violence or judgement(some places you can be put to death for being gay.

“We should decide if parents want their kids to be in school with mutants.” Sounds the same as “Do you want your child to go to the same school as a gay person? Do you want to be in the bathroom with a girl who has a dick?(in the context of conservatives who don’t want transgender people to use the bathrooms they identify with because “their genitals don’t match)”

Speaking of gay: Eric and Charles

Wolverine got anger issues

Wolverine adopting a young girl with mutant powers, how many times is this going to happen? At least twice.

Rouge really got the shortest end of the stick with the mutant gene.

Give Rouge a male love interest that will inevitably die by her hand, that’s what I’m assuming.

Jean Gray is going to be Wolverine’s love interest, calling it now

Mystique’s costume always bugs me because she’s essentially naked. Like, the directors were like “She must wear no clothes.” “That’s not practical-” “Men will eat it up. The sex appeal, yes. Because women can never have practical costume design.”

Scott looks like he’s played by the main dude in the Sonic Movie(I was right!)

Can Magneto bend the iron in people’s bodies?

“You never use your power against another mutant.” How long is that going to last?

Dad Logan is the best Logan.

The Train Splitting scene shows how powerful Magneto is but didn’t Charles tell Wolverine that Magneto can control metal. Wouldn’t Wolverine have the knowledge, “Hey using my METAL claws against a METAL bender might not be a good idea.”

Kinda figured he would want Rouge, a mutant who can literally kill someone with touch is definitely something the big bad would want.

Magento could just metal bend Charles’ wheelchair.

So Magento’s plan is to turn everyone into mutants, right?

Charles explained it more and it sounds like Terragensis from Agents of Shield with the crystals. Some come out of it with powers, others will crumble to dust.

What powers the cortex that makes it so Charles goes into a coma? Like how does the liquid get into his brain for that to happen?

Yes Jean, it is a perfect idea to put the helmet that put Charles into a coma on your head. Nothing will go wrong.

Mystique really only has like five lines in this whole movie. She really is just supposed to be eye candy.

Of course classic shapeshifter double, who’s who scene. Probably going to be resolved with Jean Gray knowing which one is the real Logan.

The fight scene isn’t that well shot but it is 2000 so

I don’t remember there being a big museum when I visited the Statue of Liberty

I doubt Mystique will stay dead.

Again they thought it would be a good idea to send Wolverine, the man with METAL CLAWS to help fight a METAL BENDER.

Nice of Magneto to put Cyclops and Jean right next to each other face to face.(Director: They’re a couple they must face each other so one can kill the other)

Yep, knew Mystique couldn’t stay dead

Why did they try and have Jean and Logan have a weird semi romance set up when Jean is dating Scott

They gave Charles a plastic wheel chair for when he visited Magneto. Ha, that’s funny.

Plastic isn’t that durable, it would be easy to break Magneto out

X2

Nightcrawler!

The fights scenes have improved, but they’re using a lot of wire rigging

Alan Cummings played NightCrawler. Knew he looked familiar.

Let’s have Wolverine follow a wolf even though wolves are wolverine's natural predators.

Watch the president be a mutant

Dad!Logan

Still painting it that Logan and Jean could possibly end up together. No thanks.

I see they didn’t change Mystique’s costume design. Is she going to say more than five lines in this movie?

Government wants to pass an act to detain and control all mutants, goes and raids a school filled with mutants, and then is SURPRISED when the mutants retaliate. “Oh we don’t want to start a war” THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE. Of course they’re not going to leave them alone because what isn’t normal scares them and must be dealt with no matter what.

Getting even more parallels between mutants and LGBTQ+. Striker wanted his son cured of the mutant gene but was ultimately upset when Charles’s school couldn’t do that. It’s similar to how when people come out to their parents, their parents send them to conversion camps to “Cure” them because they think being gay is an illness. 

Bobby don’t get horny, it will only end badly

I asked the question if Magento could bend the iron in people’s blood in the last movie. The answer is yes. Yes he can.

Bobby’s parents “Have you tried not being a mutant.” Gives more LGBTQ parreles “Have you tried being straight?” “Have you tried being your assigned gender?”

An officer shooting a white guy? Unrealistic.

Welp Bad guys and good guys team up to save Charles.

Jean and Logan kissed. Here’s my shocked face. #TeamScott.

But seriously, I hate how the main dude must have romantic interactions with the main girl. It’s never the main dude has romantic interactions with a minor(minior in the sense of not that important to the plot) girl, Storm is right there with no love interest. Pair Logan up with her, that way we aren’t running an already established romance, But nooooo, Hollywood loves to have love triangles.

Mystique changing into Jean, making out with Logan, and then changing into a bunch of different girls makes me uncomfortable.

But again, “All women who have the potential to be a love interest must kiss the main dude” now we wait for Storm to give Logan a smooch.

Female Wolverine!

Magneto had his own secret agenda? Who would have thought?

Bobby’s going to come in clutch with freezing the water

Why does Jean need to go and stop the water? Bobby has control over ice, he can stop it.

Man I really feel bad for Scott. 

But I’m miffed because it’s the classic female character dies to further male character’s development.

Oh look Jean’s alive, not surprise. Is she going to be the villain of X-men 3?

I couldn’t watch X-Men 3 because it wasn’t available on any sites but reading the wiki synopsis I was right on her being a bad guy(MY BOY SCOTT GOT MURDERED!). Upset Charles died but he was old and the mentor figure so he kinda had it coming.  On to the prequels. 

X-Men-First Class

So Charles met Mystique first. And her name is Raven. Wonder what caused their split. I just hope they weren’t romantically involved

Poor Erik, really giving him a tragic backstory

James Macavoy!

Raven and Charles call each other siblings! Oh this is going to hurt more.

Excuse me while I get distracted by Vegas women.

But also did the CIA woman plan to sneak in as a showgirl. Because who would wear lingerie under work clothes unless she planned for this(or planned to get freaky later). I mean it’s Vegas so maybe she was prepared.

Emma Frost is a telepath and can crystalize her body. Not what I was expecting with the last name Frost but I also find it odd that her two mutations don’t intersect with each other. Telepathy and crystallization have nothing in common, so the only explanation is that she got both genes from her parents. It would have to be rare since males are usually the ones to pass the gene to their kids.

Azazel. I’m guessing is Nightcrawler's dad. He and Mystique will get romantically involved and have Nightcrawler. He’ll get the blue skin from his mom but the mutant gene from his dad.

Ok I’m miffed about the costume design again. It’s London and it’s raining and they decided to have Raven and the CIA woman wear SHORTS! They’ll be freezing their asses off all so you can have some leg candy? What’s so appealing about knees? Nothing. It’s always been women’s costume designs that have to be appealing, not practical.

If Charles can’t be involved with Mystique, then he’ll have to get involved with Moira?(I don’t know if I heard her name correctly, the CIA lady). Because all male characters MUST have a romantic love interest(sarcasm)

That one CIA dude, he’s a real one.

So the dude that killed Erik’s mother, is also a mutant. 

How is Erik trending water and controlling metal? Nevermind, he’s drowning

Charles saves Erik! And thus the ship is born. “Erik, you’re not alone.”

Hank Mcoy. They zoomed in on Mystique when he was looking at her. Reading the camera angles...oh please don’t have another romantic set up.

They did the Spiderman/MJ framing with Hank upside down and Mystique very close to his face. Yep, they’re setting up a romance between them that will ultimately go nowhere because again, Mystique will do the do with Azael to get Nightcrawler.

Hank and Mystique have only known each other for like five minutes and they’re already having a picnic on top of a rocket. I hate how romance moves so fast in movies.

And Mystique was going to kiss him. Just...no

Erik, right after he walks in on Hank and Mystique’s picnic: If I looked like you, I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Are they really trying to set up a love triangle between Hank, Mystique and Erik? I know Magneto and Mystique's relationship in the first three movies is close, but that sentence just makes it sound like Erik is jealous.

“Are you sure we can’t shave your head.” “Don’t touch my hair”. I mean he’s going to lose it eventually.

I love the mutant finding montage. Especially the Wolverine cameo

My mom just informed me that the bad bad is played by Kevin Bacon so that’s what I will refer to him as since I can’t remember his name.

These recruited mutants aren’t going to last long. They’ve got the youthful team up energy, they will be the “First Class” hence the name, but we probably won’t see them again after this movie.

Charles, Erik and Moira being disappointed parents. Starting to get a family vibe that we didnt get from the last three movies.

Charles as Erik storms in: I’m sorry, I can’t leave him. They’re gay your honor.

I just realized that Frost is the second right hand woman to have no real costume. She’s just like Mystique where “she must wear the least amount of clothing possible or have no clothing at all when using her powers” I just wish it would stop.

Let’s take the right hand woman who is a telepath with us. What could go wrong?

What is Angel’s motive to go with Bacon, like I don’t get it. And the adaption dude? It’s just a turn on the dime. Nevermind it was a fakeout and one of them died. Knew they weren’t going to last long.

I feel like Chalres trying to shoot Erik as training is foreshadowing.

Training montage

SO Bacon loses Frost and now has Angle as his right hand woman? I honestly didn’t think that necessary.

Welp there goes Mystique and Hank’s relationship. He only liked her when she was in disguise.

Conflicting differences! Finally get to see Erik and Charle’’s view on humans.

Knew it! As soon as Hank dumps Mystique she goes straight to Erik. Because “She MUST be romantically involved.” Why? Why? Can’t she just...not. She doesn’t need a man.

Erik: I want to go to bed. Maybe in a few years. Ha funny.

I get Mystique going to Erik because he accepts her, unlike Hank but again, she doesn’t need to have a love interest.

Suits! But again, miffed about Mystique’s suit not being fully set up. SHE DOESN'T”T NEED TO HAVE HER CLEAVAGE TEASING IF SHE”S GOING TO BE FIGHTING!

Could Charles just stop controlling Bacon, so he can move and Erik wouldn’t have a chance to kill him.

But good cuts between Bacon and Charles.

The boyfriends are fighting!

Oh that’s how he gets parralized. I forgot about that.

Erik really does care for Charles even tho they have different viewpoints

Mystique going with Erik and having Azeal with him is setting up the perfect opportunity for Nightcrawler.

“Gentleman, this is why the CIA is no place for a woman” *Big gigantic crash* That’s what you get for being sexist.

Days of Future Past

So these machines can absorb mutant powers and transfer them to other machines. A new threat.

Oh Charles isn’t dead from being disintegrated by Dark Phoenix

Logan!

Charles confirmed Mystique was like a sister to him.

So Mystique’s dna was the cause of the Sentitnals. I understand that stopping Mystique from shooting the doctor will change that, but also if that doesn’t work they would have to kill Mystique.(which won’t happen because she’s in the next movie.

Charles tells Wolverine that he didn’t have his powers in 1973, but First Class takes place in 1962 where he definitely had his powers. So what happened to Charles that made him lose his powers?

For once the government isn’t targeting mutants

Well one dude from First Class is in this movie, but sadly I can’t remember his name. X-beam guy.

Why is Charles drunk and not parallelized?

Hank still cares for Raven. Guess the love triangle is still a thing

Oh he’s doing the equivalent of mutant heroine to get rid of his powers and walk.

Erik in gay baby jail.

Erik killed JFK?! Why?!

I feel like if Mystique is searching around the office of someone, she should still be disguised as someone so she doesn’t get caught. I get her dropping the disguise to show the audience it’s her and it builds suspense but she would draw less suspicion.

PETER! MY boy!

I love that he talks fast and that’s kinda like a teenager. I don’t know how old he actually is.

“My mom knew a guy who could do that.” They’re not even trying to be subtle here.

Slow mo Peter speed scene! Yes!

Is that all we get of Peter in this movie? I hope not.

JFK WAS A MUTANT?

So Magneto can lift a plane, a submarine, and now a baseball stadium. Why does he need a baseball stadium?

They showed a clip of Peter watching the broadcast and he’s holding a little girl. I’d like to think that’s Wanda.

Everyone’s alive. Yay!

I’ll excuse Jean being alive because time changes and all that. SCOTT! SCOTT”S ALIVE! YES!

Apocalypse

Hey Oscar Issac

Young Scott!

Young Nightcrawler!

Erik went from wanting to kill humans to being a farmer and having a wife and daughter. Still going to end up on the bad side.

Young Jean Gray! Scott and her start out rocky but we know they’re going to end up together.

Knew the wife and kid wasn’t going to last long. Always got to do something that makes Magneto the bad guy

Two birds...one arrow

For this one, I can understand Magneto’s anger

Young Storm was originally on the bad guy’s side.

Scott sees things through literal rose tinted glasses.

I love Kurt.

Scott use to be a rule breaker

At least Storm has a practical costume. 

Also if Erik really wanted to lay low, why did he choose to work at a metal factory.

Pyslocke’s costume isn’t practical. She’s got a boob and butt window. Girl there are so many places you could get stabbed.

PETER!

Charles and Erik always greet each other with old friend

So birdman gets metal armor and the girls get nothing.

Peter slow-mo! This will always be my favorite speedster scene

So the only people that can save the X-Men are Cyclops, Jean Gray, and NightCrawler. Three teenagers with no plan. They got this.

Go Charles! Fighting no matter what.

Logan!

Thankfully most of these characters can’t die.

Pyslocke  and Angel can die but the others all have plot armour

Peter didn’t tell Erik he’s his son. Why?

No not the hair! Apocalypse took Charle’s hair.

Go Peter!

No Peter!

So Charles still has the hair when he’s in Apocalypse's head. Part of me knows it won’t grow back but I hope it does.

Mind fight!

So Erik is on the good guys side until the next movie.

Mystique finally has a good costume design

Dark Phoenix

The dude they got to play Bush doesn't look like Bush

SPACE!

This mission is going to go wrong and the X-men are going to get planned. Thus leading the world going against mutants again.

They gave Scott is own eye cannon, nice

Yea absorbing a solar flare will definitely cause your powers to go way hire

Well the mission didn’t go wrong, the way i thought it would. That’s good.

Charles motives have changed

So, men, supposed gods, robots, and now we’re dealing with aliens

Charles kinda being shown as a bad guy is weird. So used to seeing him have good motives.

The aliens want Jean to use her power to take over earth. Not surprising.

Dad now is not the time to poke the super powered bear

Police always show up at the wrong time

I know Mystique can’t die. This is the prequels

But again, Stop killing female characters to further male character’s development.

Oh there’s Erik. 50 minutes in and i thought we weren’t going to see him

Jean’s got a heat signature with that solar flare so it would be easy to track her.

At least the military decided to fallback instead of shooting

And there goes humans liking mutants. This is why we can’t have nice things.

So Mystique’s death is what sets Erik on being the villain again? It’s the same as a woman losing her husband and becoming a villain for revenge. Honestly I’m tired of love revenge plots.

Guys stop fighting! You’re  friends!

Oh shit! Jean is making Charles walk. And not in the good way.

OH SHIT KURT IS KILLING PEOPLE NOW!

Dark Phoenix. A movie about family.

Legend of the Phoenix. She’ll rise from the ashes.

Bummed Peter wasn’t in this movie more

All in all, Apcolypse is my favorite X-Men movie.

[riskeith]

awwww i’m here now darling so you better feel amazing <33333

ok miss i see the subtle flex you just pulled on me, just say your team is op and go... :pp jk!! no but yeah if you’re stronger than the goddamn bosses it usually goes easily. can’t say i’ve seen those days in a while tho rip

YOU ARE MY BABY!!!!!! you could do a doodle for me and i’ll literally cry abt it until i die. ooooh that seems good tho??? especially ningguang and beidou... the ladies are making a comeback 🥴 i agree with you actually!! i’d love for chongyun to come back (so you can get his c6 mostly) and for selfish reasons i want razor to come back to... bc boy scouts. i really want the boy scouts... hope it happens soon tho 🥺

speaking of boy scouts i just got him.... xingqiu.. i felt so bad bc i know how much you want him... :( but i didn’t get any xiangling so. i lost successfully shskdhsk. also I WISH they had cross-server co-op more than ever at this moment bc then we could do our chongyun + xingqiu dates... 🥺

cluna you’re literally so cool! you work through them? help couldn’t be me. i get super annoyed and if it’s not working i’ll just let it go and write something else instead shskdhdksk. for instance, i was working on this fic two months ago and i got really far into it when i hit a writers block. so, its just been collecting dusts for months now. a couple days ago i accidentally stumbled upon it and realize the potential it had so i might pick it up sksjdkd. i was literally prepared to just let it rot like so many other fics i write. so yeah idk sometimes i just give up because it’s easier even if it hurts me bc i spent so much time writing them sjshdkdj. yikes.

right?? and when you write a fic that takes place during the day you can get inspired by the atmosphere outside!! and yes!! i have to study outside i can’t get anything done at home. i used to be able to do that when i was younger but now it feels sooo impossible. especially with online school and stuff. either i go to a library, cafe or school. although most of these are closed now so i have to book a room somewhere to study. do you have a specific area at home where you write or can you just sit down anywhere and study?

for sure!! if i had the space i’d absolutely consider buying more books. right now i just have them scattered around everywhere (even some in my makeup drawer shdjdh). do you have a bookshelf? 🥺 that’s so pretty...! what are some of your other favorites btw? oh grade school is basically class 1 to 9... so from 6 years old to 15? girl no worries i know how difficult it is to understand all of that. when my friends used to explain their countries school systems before i’d just sit like owl eyes.

THE ALBEDO FANART!!!!! during his quest i took sooo many screenshots god he’s just perfect. he’s such a gentle and sweet boy ughhhhh.... he’s been gone for 2 days and i already miss him. and xiao and aether are just... yeah... i love how everyone ships aether with the boys yet i don’t think i’ve ever seen lumine shipping fanart? let’s just say gay rights and leave it at that.

BEFORE I CLICKED ON THE LINK I HAD A FEELING IT WOULD BE THAT POST.... literally us!!!! don’t make one in america no worries!! idk why my acc was set to that lmao. i’ll make one in asia tonight and just hustle for a few weeks until i reach co-op (i think it was ar 15?) plus i really want aether so i’m kind of not so stressed about it tbh? god i’m actually so exciiiiiteeeeed...... 😭 you gotta promise you’ll help me with domains and bosses tho you’re gonna be at a much higher rank than me while i’ll just be a little nooby girl. 😭

thank you so much for the encouragement!!! ♥️

today i didn’t keep you waiting too long, hehe. i missed you too much. but you’re porobably asleep now though :( oh well, can’t wait to hear from you my love <333

hiya!! i’m still up bc i miscalculated the length of a fic chdjcnskjd and thought to check if you’d sent anything before i went to sleep!! made me v excited to see there was not only 1 but 2 asks from you hehe (also it’s 2am rn so apologies for any incoherence!!)

AHAHAH fjskdjskdn genuinely tho,,, i’m really happy with my team rn LOL. and noooo you’ll get there someday!! before your world level increases and you’re stuck being many levels below the bosses again fhdjdjkd it’s a cycle 😩

NFKSKDLAKS i wish i could manage even a doodle… drawing hair is literally my worst nightmare (along with drawing anything else tbh) and all the genshin charas have such complex layered hair ugh it’s like they don’t want me to even try. yass beiguang (idk if that’s their ship name) actual queens 👑. razor!!!! what a good boye. i love his idle animation so much, pls he deserves everything 🥺🥺 and you deserve to get the boy scouts!!! can’t wait for that day to come <33

AHHH!!!! no don’t feel bad i’m so happy for you omg… live out all my xingqiu-having dreams for me please 😩😩😩😩 our xingyun dates!!!! some day it’ll be a reality <333

DHJAJSHS nooooo fuck writer’s block 😤😤😤 but i hope you’re able to finish that fic now!! (vaguely, if you prefer) what’s it about? also i have plenty of fics/ideas just rotting too, but that’s usually bc i get caught up in a new idea which i like more ? i think? lmao so yeah i definitely do give up on my fics too omg wait do you have those fics where you’re like omg this concept is god tier i’m so big brained and then you write out a scene and then it’s like … wtf do i do with this now? HAHAHAH like my attention span is slowly too short to write any long af fics, i can’t stay dedicated or interested enough for that but a lot of the ideas i have have the potential to be those 300k 40 chapter slow burn etc etc so there are so many docs in my drive that are just. works with like 2-3 written scenes and an entirely fleshed out plan but i know i’ll never actually end up writing it bc of aforementioned factors lolllll. that’s another reason why i think about just releasing all my wips some day! so people can see all the ideas im unable to execute jfjsndns. do you [like] writing super long fics like that? i admire your tenacity if you do ahah

agreeeeeed <3 and oh i see!! i always feel like people who don’t study at home are so studious fjskdksk it gives off that kinda vibe for me 🤪 and i have a study! so i usually do most of my work there. sometimes tho when i get bored and if i’m not watching a lecture i’ll sit on my couch or on the floor and change things up a bit lolol

djxkkakdks omg don’t let your makeup ruin the books.. or is the makeup more important djskskks. i do have a bookshelf!! it has like… 6 levels? and it’s all full 😳😳 other faves are defs the hunger games (catching fire >>>>>>>>) and you know the others like percy jackson, divergent, the mortal instruments. oh and the maze runner!!!!!!! the prequel (? sequel???) is probably one of the recent books i’ve actually read, even tho that was like back in 2017 lmao. i liked the john green stuff too.. just a lot of the like. basic ones LMAO. hbu??

6-15??? damn that’s an interesting range djsksk i guess the closest for us would be primary school which covers ages 6-12!

albedo is legit SO prettt and for what. his hair, his eyes, his soft spoken manner. ugh 😩😩😩 and taking a bunch of screenshots is a big mood!! ooo i’ve seen some lumine ones but yeah def not a lot ! (i know there’s discourse surrounding that lmao) but yes gay rights 😤 wait that reminds me i saw the cutest razor pic the other day and saved it i’ll show you when i’m in a more awake state to attach the image fjdjnd

!!!!!! ours minds… actually connected 🧠

okay that sounds good!!! and yeah wtf why does co-op unlock so like late lol let us play together NOW 😤 and good luck with starting again!! and have fun with aether hehe we’ll be able to have both ours meet 🤪🤪 AND YES I PROMISE!!!! i’ll carry you until we’re both the same AR and we can suffer fighting bosses together <3 you can just sit back and watch me do all the work 🤪 i’m super excited too!!! 🤩🤩🤩 and thank you for doing thisss even tho i know you said you don’t mind but still!! 💗💘💝💕💓💗💞

no problem!!! i believe in you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

eagerly (but patiently) anticipating your response~ xo!

[radramblog]

5 RNG’d Songs

After being burned out yesterday I spent a lot of today relaxing and doing shit for myself because yknow its Sunday and all that and now it’s 10:55 PM 11:05 PM and I haven’t written shit so time to do that.

I’m gonna hit shuffle on my spotify Liked Songs 5 times and discuss what comes up. Linkin Park Pt.2 tomorrow.

(Remember when this was just a music blog? Good times.)

1. Robot Rock- Daft Punk (Human After All)

…fuck, I keep forgetting to take this off the list. Ok, this one’s a freebie, I’m not counting it for shit. I like Daft Punk a fair bit, and French house music in general if I’m honest, but Robot Rock is a repetitive mess that goes for 2 minutes longer than is justifiable. Its just the same line, over and over again, and it gets really obnoxious eventually. Human After All is far from their best work.

1.(again) Prequel to the Sequel- Between the Buried and Me (Colors)

Oh now we’re talking. Colors is an album that I spent a while hunting for on CD, being one of those really fun ones where everything blends together like one big song, such that on a first listen you aren’t going to be able to tell where the tracks begin and end (PttS’s ending is more obvious than most, but I digress). Prequel to the Sequel is the 6th of the 8 tracks on the album, clocking in at 8:37 making it the 4th longest song on the album. Prog Metal be like that.

Most of the track is the fun proggy metal stuff I love from albums like these, developing new lines and having moments that come out of nowhere but are extremely satisfying- those piano notes at ~4:50 are so fucking good. Shortly following this is one of the points on Colors where everything cuts back and we’re suddenly listening to a different genre- one of the previous tracks has a deadass hoedown breakdown and in Prequel’s case it’s a little polka-y accordian bit. Moments like this add levity and a breather from the otherwise intense onslaught of riffs and percussion the album gives, and are easy to appreciate as a result. Prequel follows it with what is in my opinion the best section of the album, where everything suddenly builds back up again as the vocals hit their most desperate note, crashing down into the most intense part of the song so far. It’s a really great time, and I think on its back Prequel manages to snatch the title of favourite song on the album for me from the former head, White Walls, the album’s closer.

2.       Powerless- Linkin Park (Living Things)

fuck off ill get to you soon enough

2. (again) Land of Confusion- Disturbed (Ten Thousand Fists)

Eh. It’s been a long time since I listened to this, actually, having entered my list as I went through some metal bands I’d heard of when I was a wee babo trying to find workout music. It took embarrassingly long for me to find out it was a cover, with the Genesis version being probably better. Genesis is just a better band than Disturbed, and I would be hard-pressed to call myself a fan of either.

Out of curiosity, I checked the top listened to songs on Spotify for Disturbed, and this doesn’t even make the top 5, which I didn’t expect to be honest. Also, how the hell is their Sound of Silence cover ahead of Down with the Sickness? One is their iconic song, one is an overdone piece of shit. Ah well, Stricken is better anyway.

(also the music video is the least subtle thing I have ever seen)

3. Serious- Stuck in the Sound (Billy Believe)

I mean, I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk about these guys, I guess. Stuck in the Sound is a French rock band (that sings in English) somewhat known for their really cool music videos- while Serious is mostly silly, the animated videos for Let’s Go and Alright are excellent, and Badroom’s is fucking hilarious.

Serious is probably my favourite song from the band’s 2019 album, Billy Believe, and is a loose, fun song with a friendly vibe. It’s a great example of the somewhat odd accent of the vocalist- I don’t know what part of France he’s from to be honest, but its not a bad thing- and while I’d argue it isn’t representative of the band as a whole it’s still a pretty great track. Despite it’s name, it is not very serious.

 4. Skyscraper- Touché Amore (Stage Four)

Well, I was thinking about doing a full runthrough of this album at some point, but sure, skip to the end why don’t we. Stage Four is an excellent, heartwrenching album about the band’s singer coming to terms with his mother’s death from cancer, told largely through a lot of brutal screamo vocals that aren’t probably as harsh as that sounds- it’s more frustrated than angry, you know. Skyscraper is the closer to the album, representing the passage away from the fourth stage (geddit) of grief and onto the final stage, acceptance. The screaming is replaced by almost spoken word verses, and a simple chorus sung by not the same bloke as the rest of it- save for an almost ethereal repetition of the lyrics at the song’s climax. The line (you lived there, under the lights) is such a simple thing, but its one of those wistful memories you get when dealing with loss, and the way that can make you feel is conveyed by the weight of these lyrics. I’ve been fortunate enough to have not had to deal with losing a direct family member like this yet, so I can’t possibly know what it’s like, but this song represents the point in that process that you hope to get to eventually.

One of the previous songs on the album (I think New Halloween?) ends with a line referring to a final voice message left from the singer’s late mother that he hasn’t had the courage to listen to. Fittingly, Skyscraper ends with this voicemail playing. It’s such a mundane little message, but it makes for a really meaningful little moment.

 5. Black Fingernails, Red Wine- Eskimo Joe (Black Fingernails, Red Wine)

Shoutout to that one time a mate of mine was like “Hey what’s that song called where the lyrics go black fingernails red wine?”. To be fair, I didn’t know the song at the time.

Eskimo Joe is one of the more popular bands out of Perth, so I’ve gotta give them some home team love, though they’ve been less prolific in the last decade as they were back in the 00s. BFRW, their 2006 album, is pretty clearly their most popular, and I’d argue the title track is the best song on the album. It’s this oddly melancholy little alt rock tune backed by some lovely percussion and piano lines. Unfortunately for this ramble its one of those tunes where I don’t have an awful lot to say about it, I just like it. Oops. Randomness has its drawbacks. I went to go watch the music video for the first time to have something else to talk about but it’s like, kinda boring? I like how it just cuts out at the end though.

[curlyhairallday]

Bump and Dumps

Harry and Hattie had met and immediately hit it off after three years of being no more than friends with benefits, although a small bump finally forces Hattie to confront him. 

Harry and Hattie had been friends with benefits for the past three years. Although all their friends and family saw them as a married couple. They spent christmas together, they went out on valentines day, she was his date to weddings and family events. Heck they even lived together, they shared a bedroom, a cat and Harry even let her wear his clothes. But whenever Hattie asked him what they were, Harry would also respond with you’re my angel. She never understood how he could write a song declaring she was the only one for him but couldn’t even ask her to be his girlfriend. Since their first meeting and accidental hook up Hattie had seen no one else but Harry would still date and hook up with other girls.

Hattie up to this point had agreed to it as she would rather have this type of relationship with Harry than none at all. Although, as she was gazing down at a white stick with two clear lines she realised this was no longer about her. She called the only person she could trust her uni flatmate Emily she was the person who had first introduced the two but she had taken Hattie under her wing like a big sister.

Emily had come over in a hurry without asking any questions.

“So what is wrong?” Emily asked as Hattie dragged her through the house to the bathroom without uttering a word to her friend she passed the piece of plastic to Emily.

“Is it?”

“Yes it is, I don’t know what to do?” she began to pace she knew Harry would be fine with what was happening but she didn’t want to raise a baby in this uncertainty she was in a relationship if she could call it that, which every gossip story broke her heart every night he didn’t return she lost a little more hope. Plus she was only 23 for crying out loud and had only just started her job at the law firm she still had a long way to go before she’d reach where she wanted to be career wise. She had a plan she wanted to be a partner before she even considered kids she wasn’t even sure if she had a maternal bone in her body. When most girls played with dolls she’d steal toy hammers and pretend to be a judge and rule over her teddy’s disputes.

“You have to tell him today before you chicken out he will know what to do.”

“But I don’t. I don’t know what to do. We aren’t anything plus didn’t you hear him the other day Camille messaged him they are going to try to reconnect.”

There had only ever been a few breaks on their arrangement and Camille was one of them he didn’t come home for months when he was with her. Hattie understood he couldn’t exactly come and stay in her bed when he had come home he had purposefully fallen asleep on the sofa so he didn’t make Hattie feel bad when he’d slept in the guest room. When Harry and Camille were together she had started to search for apartments but with her entry level pay at the firm London wasn’t affordable. But she knew if it had continued she couldn’t stay there it would have been like him having his mistress their. What if they did get back together her and the baby would be a bump in his perfect life.

“Hatters he deserves to know now so he can make a discussion. He may be dumb to it but everyone knows he’s in love with you otherwise why would you be in his house for three years.” She knew that Emily was trying to reassure her but she couldn’t find truth in her words.

“I can’t stay if he doesn’t want me now he never will and I’m not going to raise my child in this confusion. I’ll explain it to him but then I think I’m going to move home.” The words surprised even Hattie herself but she knew it was the only option for her baby. She had enough of this doubt and uncertainty and she just looked like the dad hoping puppy that was probably the butt of her friends jokes. I mean who wouldn’t laugh at how pathetic she had been.

Once Emily left Hattie packed her suitcase and grabbed Muffin their Tabby cat and waited for Harry. She knew if she didn’t say it now she never would.

Harry was discussing the final release details of the album with Jeff when he walked in. He quickly ended the call as soon as he saw Hattie bag and nervous look on her face. Had he forgotten something was she going away on hoilday did she have to go somewhere with work, he was so sure he would have remembered her discussing that.

“What’s going on love?”

She sat silently unable to communicate she just simply passed him the piece of plastic and watched his face display shock, anger and happiness all in a matter of seconds.

“Whose is it?”

She looked at him furious he would even ask that question.

“Yours.” She spoke through gritted teeth how could he ask her that when she had never spoken or looked at a guy in three years.

Harry began to pace slightly trying to figure out how far along she was just to piece the puzzle together but he realised there were too many options they went at it like Duracell bunnies he could never get enough of her she was the perfect lover the perfect girl he couldn’t get enough of her.

“Ok, why the bags?” He didn’t know what else to say he could see she was clearly upset and he didn’t want to anger her more. In his three years of knowing Hattie he had learnt she rarely got mad or upset but when she did it was like a volcano exploding.

“I can’t stay here Harry we aren’t anything heck we never have been all I am to you is a friend with the bonus of sex but you would trade me out for your models. You ignored me for three months when you dated Camille.  I am not pathetic I won’t let my child think that. I want a boyfriend I want someone to love me back. I want. I want. I wanted you but after three years this baby made me see I can’t have you. I was never worthy of you I can’t be heart broken everytime I turn on the tv because you were pictured with another girl. I am going to my parents.” She sobbed out  the last bit she realised the only guy she’d truly loved was about to be out her life she knew that there would be no more morning coffees and back rubs as she revised this was it.

“Hang on love can we talk about this when you have calmed down. This baby is mine as much as yours don’t leave us we are a family now.”

“ I don’t want to be a family just because of the baby. I am not taking it from you I just need space Harry. I deserve better that just a fuck buddy and thats not your fault you either love someone or you don’t. You cant force love Harry if you could Justin Timberlake would be mine.” she giggle through her tears.

“Please don’t leave this is a lot to take in. I do love you Hattie.” she smiled as she understood.

“You love me H just not in the way I love you. I will call you to discuss the baby soon but I have to go H you must see that.” She left the house and closed the door knowing she had not only broken herself but him as well. But she knew it was the correct move she wanted her baby to be surrounded by happy people and she would never be that longing for him.

Please let me know if you like it and want a part two. Also I have a prequel on how Hattie and Harry first met and there relationship to this point if you want to read it let me know. Love T x

[nekojitachan]

OK, last of the owed fics from the @aftgremix challenge - this one is for @nikothespoonklepto who guessed which fic was mine and wanted soft jeaneil. Hopefully I got the request somewhat right - this is a prequel to Qui N’avance Pas, Recule    (mind the warnings for the fic, some brief, not too explicit non-con in the first section which you can probably skip, just know that Neil and Jean escape from the Nest where they’re Ravens).

Think the only warnings for this fic are that it has vague references for canon events at the Nest - nothing explicit, nothing detailed, just that Neil (Nat/Nathaniel here) and Jean are very happy to not be there anymore. That and references to Neil’s past in Baltimore.

*******

Trickle

*******

“It’s not much, but it’s safe,” Chesare told them as he placed the keys he’d used to enter the small apartment on the kitchen counter. “There’s enough food for a couple days, linens in the closet, and we guessed about the clothes based on the information your family sent.” That was directed to Nat, who stood there with a too-blank expression on his face and still dressed in the ‘borrowed’ sweatshirt he’d taken from Howard. “They’ll check in on you soon enough once it’s safe, so try to stay inside as much as possible.” While he spoke, the man (Hatford associate?) reached into his denim jacket for his wallet, out of which he took a very impressive stack of euros. “This neighborhood is safe, too, but no point in creating trouble, yes? Only go out when necessary.”

Nat gave a slight nod. “We understand. My family’s helped us out a lot, we’re not about to be ungrateful after everything they’ve done.”

“Good,” Chesare grunted. “Then I’m done here.” His tone was curt, but he gave them a friendly grin before he turned to leave; Jean followed so he could lock and bolt the door behind the man, relieved to be alone with Nat at last. The past day was a blur to him, a domino effect of events with each one more implausible than the last – the practice session where he and Nat bested Riko and Kevin, Riko showing up in their room at the Nest to exact his revenge, Nat defending Jean with such violence and Jean daring to strike down Riko for his partner, them fleeing the Nest, Nat’s family helping them to leave the States and sneaking them into Marseilles of all places….

Jean couldn’t believe that he was back in France, that he was home, even if he was a wanted fugitive from a criminal syndicate.  He was home, and his partner was at his side.

Literally.

He jumped in surprise when he turned to find Nat gazing up at him, beautiful pale blue eyes surrounded by dark circles since the little imp hadn’t slept at all in at least a day, not since… it had to be at least a day, since they’d gotten up for practice back at the Nest. Jean rubbed his eyes as he tried to factor in the different time zones for a moment then gave up. “Yes?”

“Let’s check out the place,” Nat said, his voice faint with exhaustion yet his French perfect as always, just like his Japanese and German and the Russian he’d begun to learn in the last few months. It was one of the many things that Jean adored about his partner (lover), that gift with languages, just like Nat’s (Nathaniel’s) passion and loyalty.

He could have left Jean behind in the Nest, could have run to his family on his own, which would have been safer, yet he’d kept Jean at his side the entire time, had stayed awake while Jean had eventually crashed from the stress of… of everything, and hadn’t been upset when told that they weren’t going to London but Marseilles instead.

Nat didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t reuniting with his family as long as they didn’t try to separate him from Jean.

“It’s bigger than our old room,” Jean teased as they looked around the small, one bedroom apartment; it was in an older part of Marseilles, so there were hot water radiators for heat, worn wooden floors, and lots of windows (they had a corner unit, thankfully, and were six floors up) to help cool it in the warmer months.

“Almost anything would be bigger than our old room,” Nat shot back as he yanked off the oversized blue hoodie he’d worn since leaving Edgar Allan and dropped it to the floor. “Let’s hope that the shower is decent because all I want right now is to scrub myself clean then go to bed.”

Jean was in agreement with that; he wanted to wash away the remainder of the Nest from his body, of the States and all the bad things which had happened there (as if it would ever be that easy), and pray that when they woke up that they could begin a new life together.

A little more searching revealed the linens and clothes which Chesare had mentioned; Jean placed a clean set of sheets and a duvet on the queen-sized bed which took up a good bit of the bedroom while Nat grabbed some towels and clothes.

Nat then took care to set aside the phone which Cindrich had given him before they'd left the States, which Stuart had used a time or two to call him, but otherwise they shed the outfits they'd been wearing with the intent of getting rid of them for good before they stepped into the old claw-foot bathtub together. Jean felt a stab in his chest upon sight of the numerous scars littering his partner's lithe body, along with the bruises which Riko and Tetsuji had inflicted over the last few days - injuries which he swore to himself they'd never get a chance to do so again.

It took a minute or two for the water to warm, the pipes noisy the first few seconds, but Nat pressed against Jean's side and smiled, the expression tired but true, as they huddled together in a bathroom which was all their own, a bathroom with a locked door and a shower curtain and a tub in which they could soak if they wanted.

A bathroom and an apartment which was all their own, if Nat's family could be trusted.

(A family which had gotten them out of the States, had gotten them away from the Moriyamas - the monsters to which Jean's family had sold him without a care, so he'd wait and see about these Hatfords.)

As exhausted and stressed as he was, Nat actually laughed when Jean insisted on washing his hair, and joked that Jean just wanted to drown him in the water so he could have the entire bed to himself.

"Don't give me any ideas," Jean chided as he carefully tilted his partner's head back to rinse out the rosemary-scented shampoo. "Besides, an imp like you would just come back to haunt me."

"Hmm, so true." Nat closed his eyes and slumped a little more against him with a bone-deep weariness. "I'd return the favor, but I can't reach the head of a tall bastard like you, my star."

"Me? I'm perfect," Jean sneered, and felt his heart race when Nat smiled at the familiar joke.

They probably should eat something, but they were so tired after the shower that once dried they pulled on the clean sweatpants and t-shirts (Nat's comically large) and after finishing the bed (more Jean than Nat), all but collapsed onto it. Something settled inside of Jean when he could pull his partner against his chest and wrap his left arm around Nat's waist, while Nat clutched the sheathed knife that Cindrich had also given him in his hands. "Get some rest," Jean ordered, not that he believed Nat could remain awake much longer.

"So bossy," Nat murmured, already well on his way to unconsciousness.

Jean wasn't sure how long they'd slept, just that he felt better - was starving but felt better - when they were jolted awake by the ringing of a phone. It took him a moment to realize it was the one given to Nat, that it wasn't one of their 'official' Raven phones (that Tetsuji monitored and they’d left behind), and by then Nat had sat up so he could answer it.

"Hello?" He was quiet a moment then set the knife in his other hand aside. "Hi, Uncle Stuart," he said as he switched to English. "Yeah, but it's okay, I get the feeling we'll have lots of time to catch up on our rest in the next few days, right?" He smiled, the expression a bit wry, as he scooted back on the bed so he could lean against Jean. "And thank you," he offered as he hit the 'speaker' button so Jean could hear Stuart.

"Again, it's nothing, kiddo," Stuart’s voice was deep and rough as if he was a smoker. "It's long overdue, getting you out of that hellhole." There was a bit of anger in his tone as he referenced the Nest. "Is everything all right with the flat?"

"Uhm, yeah." Nat glanced back at Jean then shrugged. "The bed's wonderful, and everything seems nice. It's quiet." They really hadn't been there that long and had spent most of the time asleep, but they'd been left alone and that was all that mattered to Jean and he suspected to Nat as well.

"It's nothing fancy, but it's safe, you won't be touched while you're there," Stuart assured them, then cleared his throat. "Look, I wanted you to come here, and it's not like Will doesn't want you with the family, either. But we've already had Moriyama people all over the place looking for you, so he was right about if you come to London, it'll be trouble."

"That's fine, I don't want to cause the family any problems," Nat said in a rush, a hint of guilt on his lovely face. "It's enough that you got us out of the States. That's all we could ask, really."

"Bullshit," Stuart spat out, "you're family, it's the least that's owed. But it does look as if you're safer away from us right now, someplace those bastards won't expect you to be." He was quiet while Jean wrapped his arms around his smaller partner in a vain effort to keep him safe. "Also... you come here, I don't think you're going to be able to remain apart from the family, Abram. People are going to see us fighting for you and they're going to make assumptions."

Nat didn't say anything for a few seconds before he nodded once then spoke. "I understand."

"Just... think about what you want, okay? I'll be there in a couple of days and we'll figure things out. Until then, be careful and stay out of trouble."

"I will," Nat promised. "Be careful yourself."

He was quiet after he ended the call, until Jean gave him a slight hug; he tilted his head to look up and smile, then patted Jean's arms in a signal to 'let go'. Once Jean did that, he got off the bed, put the phone aside and went to the bathroom. After he came out, hands running through his hair and bangs which were slightly damp from when he'd washed his face, Jean entered the room so he could use it.

When finished, he found Nat searching through their kitchen, all of the cupboards left opened while his partner checked the drawers. "You French have no appreciation for a proper tea," Nat grumbled, an adorable frown on his face as he motioned to a box of black tea on the counter - a box of tea yet no kettle.

"At least there is black tea," Jean pointed out with a slight chuckle; he'd heard so many complaints about that over the last several years, while Nat 'suffered' with the green tea available to all Ravens.

"Oh, shut up," Nat muttered while he started a pot of coffee (of course there was coffee, Jean was smug to notice), then made do with boiling water in a pot. "I'll text Stuart about the tea."

"Hmm." Jean held up some eggs, to which Nat nodded; there was oatmeal in the cupboards, but they were starving so it would be best to go with something quick - eggs, some of the ham in the fridge, and toast.

It had been years since either of them had to cook, but they'd (more Jean than Nat) had experience from before they'd been sold off to the Moriyamas and it wasn't a complex meal. After a few minutes, they sat down at the tiny table in the kitchen with pleased grins on their faces to eat, Jean with his coffee and Nat with his tea, and it didn't take long after that before the food was gone.

It was... it was one of the best meals in Jean's life, at least that he could remember.

Once the plates were left to soak in the sink, they refilled their mugs and sat at the table to talk. "So, Marseilles," Nat said with a slight smile. "You must be happy."

"It feels like a dream," Jean admitted. "As if any moment now, I'll wake up and it'll be time to start our morning practice."

Nat grimaced as he held his mug between the palms of his hands as if to savor its warmth. "More like a nightmare. You know we can't ever be Ravens again, it would be better to stick our heads in that oven right now than to let that happen."

No, Riko would never forgive them for daring to fight back, let alone to run, while Tetsuji would never allow a slight to his authority. The only question would be, just how long would they suffer before the Moriyamas (most likely Tetsuji) would finally put them out of their misery? "I agree, so what now?"

It was quiet while Nat sipped his tea and considered the question. "Well, as far as I can figure, we stay here or we go to London and officially join the Hatford organization."

"But your uncle didn't seem pleased about that," Jean pointed out - Nat didn't seem happy about it. "Why is that, when he went through the trouble to bring us here?"

"Because... because my mother didn't want that life for me, as far as I could tell," Nat confessed in a faint voice as he gazed into his mug. "Or else she would have left my father after I was born." He glanced up and gave Jean a wan smile. "I heard her argue on the phone with my uncle about it, once. If she went back... well, she’d have to a Hartford again, we both would.”

“And being a Hartford means what?” Jean asked as he reached out to wrap his larger hands around Nat’s – everything about his partner was smaller, was finer-boned, yet Neil wasn’t made of anything breakable, wasn’t fragile. No, after being raised by the Butcher and sold to Tetsuji (after being handed over to Tetsuji’s psychotic nephew), he was… he was like one of those Japanese blades which hung in Tetsuji’s office back in the Nest – was something finely crafted out of iron until it was beyond worth. Nat (Nathaniel, a name which Jean knew he disliked because it was too like his father’s) used his fragile appearance to his advantage, to fool people with an improbable image until he tore them to pieces.

“And what about you?” Jean asked. “What do you want?” Because Nat often used that unbreakable will of his to protect him, to taunt Riko and bear the madman’s abuse so Jean didn’t suffer, had killed three people so Jean… Nat bore too much because of Jean, so whatever Nat wanted was important.

It was quiet while Nat nibbled on his full bottom lip, the lip which Jean adored kissing gently because of such abuse. “Uhm… I doubt it would be too bad, working for my uncles, but I want to stand on my own – on our own,” he said in a quiet voice. “If we join them, we’ll be tied to them forever. I’d rather avoid that if we can. I think that’s why my mom didn’t run to her brothers when she had the chance.”

“Then we find another way,” Jean agreed; after escaping one life of servitude, he was with Nat in that it would be foolish to throw away their newly found freedom so quickly.

Their future decided for the time being, they washed the dishes then spent more time exploring the apartment and rearranging things since it appeared that they would be staying for the immediate future. Jean threw out the clothes they'd worn yesterday, wanting to keep nothing from their time at Edgar Allan other than their shoes (they would need to go out and buy new ones) while Nat made up a shopping list. Once that was done, they turned on the small television and sat down to watch what was available, something they never were allowed to do at the Nest.

They avoided anything to do with sports in unspoken agreement, and scanned through the available channels with interest, only to stop when they reached a news channel. They watched since they were out in the 'world' again, a world which went beyond the walls of an Exy court and the gossip of the Class I division, and needed to be caught up as quickly as possible. They watched on with rapt attention until the banner at the bottom of the page announced that there had been an accident near the Edgar Allan campus which had cost the lives of several Exy team players, including two of the Perfect Court, and that Riko Moriyama had sustained injuries which would prevent him from participating in several upcoming games.

Jean changed the channel to one showing some asinine variety show after that, his fingers numb and a strange ache in his chest. "They've officially announced us as dead."

"It's not a surprise, Tetsuji probably doesn't want to explain to the main branch that we've run away. This way he can cover for Riko, as always," Nat spat with bitterness as he tugged at his bangs. "He probably hopes that he can track us down quickly and make the story real before Kengo figures out the truth."

"Which is why he's harassing the Hatfords." It really was for the best, them standing on their own, to avoid a fight between the two families.

"Yeah." A mulish expression came over Nat's pixyish face as he stared at the screen in front of them, yet there was a distant look in his pale blue eyes. "I think... I think it's best that we make ourselves valuable enough that it's more effort than it's worth for the Moriyamas to try to pry us out of here and that the Hatfords aren't continuously having to fight for us."

That... Jean shook his head as he got up for more coffee. "I'm not sure I'm following you. How do we do that? We're two kids, not two criminals." He thought about that for a moment as he regarded his partner, who sat there with a knife tucked beneath his left thigh, who had killed three people for him yesterday. "Nat... I'll do anything for you," he confessed as he held an empty mug in his hands, "but I'm confused right now."

The look his dear friend gave him was one of understanding instead of contempt. "I know, my star," Nat told him with overwhelming affection, the pet name making Jean's chest ache in the best of ways. "It's... I remember hearing my... hearing him complain one day." Judging from the amount of venom in Nat's tenor voice, he referred to his father, the Butcher, just then. "About a guy who crossed one of his people, but he wouldn't let Romero take him out - he needed someone who wasn't known to associate with him to handle things so the police couldn't trace it back to them." He gave Jean a lopsided smile. "That's what we need to be, the guys with no obvious ties to anyone who get things done."

For a moment, Jean wanted to say 'no', to ask why did Nat - crazy, impulsive Nat who never backed down even when he should, when it would spare him so much pain - think that they could be those people... and then he thought about the last few years. He thought about how they'd endured so much, had dealt with everything Riko and Tetsuji had dealt out, had commanded and carved into their skins, and wondered if there was anything out there in Marseilles which could be worse than what they'd suffered in the Nest.

(Technically, yes, but he knew there were some lines which Nat would never cross, not after what Riko had done to them, would never ask Jean to do, so it would be all right.)

"If it means that I don't have to live on British soil, then it's fine," Jean sneered before he poured the last of the coffee in his mug.

That led Nat to complain that he would adore being British, just adore it, and come over to hug him from behind while Jean brewed more coffee. Jean sniffed and insisted that the wonderfulness of France had clearly overwhelmed the fool, and when Nat doubled over in laughter (a truly rare occasion), slung the impudent imp over his shoulder to carry him back to the small couch where they occupied themselves by watching movies for most the day (another impossibly rare occasion) save for when they made something to eat or napped.

It was… if anything brought home the fact that they weren’t Ravens anymore (as well as the fact that they hadn’t been abused in the past twenty-four hours or so), it was that they were able to rest, to do nothing but sit down and be near each other without having to go out on court, to practice and practice and practice, to wear themselves into exhaustion at Tetsuji’s command (the Master’s command). Jean felt it when Nat’s body would twitch against his from time to time as if to jump from the couch and go, to run to the court or the exercise room or somewhere, when his fingers would flex as if to grab a racquet, but there was no court, was no schedule anymore.

Not for them, not when they were no longer Ravens.

(At least not officially – Jean suspected there were some things that weren’t so easily discarded.)

Despite them leaving the Nest, it had left its mark on them, or at least its schedule had, and they soon found themselves growing tired early in the evening; it wasn’t so much the change in time zones as them struggling to adjust to a twenty-four hour day once again. They took turns in the bathroom to prepare for the ‘night’ and then once more curled up together in bed.

That ‘night’, they didn’t sleep without interruption; Jean woke three times to find Nat tense in his arms and whispered his name until his partner’s fingers unclenched from the knife and his heartrate stopped thundering in his narrow chest.

It wasn’t unusual for one of them to have nightmares, not with everything they’d endured at the Nest, with what Nat had endured at his father’s hands. Yet Jean wondered if part of what caused them that night was what had happened right before they’d fled the Nest, was what Nat had done to protect him.

He held his partner (his love) tighter to his chest as his hands soothed along Nat’s trembling body.

The next two days were spent much like the first, with them sleeping when they were tired and cooking when they were hungry, with them watching whatever they found interesting on the television to while away the time. Jean could tell that Nat grew anxious from being ‘trapped’ in the apartment – not even the hours of sit-ups and pushups he did on the floor could burn off the excess energy. Yet when they ran low on food at last, Jean insisted that he be the one to leave the safety of the apartment to go shopping: he was less recognizable with his black hair, could blend in the crowd better than gorgeous, fiery Nat.

Nat… Nathaniel with his auburn curls and pale blue eyes, with his striking features and short, lean body always drew attention, and that was before he opened his mouth, before he unleashed his sharp tongue and sharper wit. No, Jean knew how to be quiet, to blend in and keep his head down so he’d slip out, find the nearest store and be back as quickly as possible.

All it took was a polite question or two and he found a small store down the block, where he was able to purchase enough food to last them a couple more days with the cash that Chesare had left. He was halfway through the alley leading back to their apartment when an older man stepped out of a doorway and in his path.

“Moreau.”

Jean stilled at mention of his name spoken with a British accent, especially since it sounded familiar. He was about to swing a bag of groceries at the man when he caught sight of a gun pointed at him, right before he was motioned toward the doorway. “Ah, best to behave right now,” the man said in English.

“You’re… your Nat’s uncle,” Jean realized as he followed instructions. Why was Stuart Hatford threatening him?

“Clever boy.” Stuart nodded once and, after a long look, put away the gun in a holster he wore beneath the jacket of a finely made grey suit. “I wanted a chance to talk to you alone before I saw Abram.” His fine blond brows drew together in obvious displeasure. “Why are you out of the flat, eh?”

“We need more food, and I thought it best that I fetch it instead of Nat.” Jean scowled at the man while he held up a bag; Stuart was a few inches shorter than him but taller than Nat (who wasn’t?), and had blond hair cut close to the scalp and pale grey eyes – he resembled Nat’s mother, who Jean had seen in a picture Nat cherished (which had been abandoned at the Nest).

“At least you know that much,” the man muttered as he folded his arms over his chest. “Still, anything could happen to you out here.”

“We didn’t know when you were coming, were we to starve while waiting?” Jean shot back.

“Hmm, awful lippy for a man asking for help.” Stuart gave him a cold look for a moment before clicking his tongue. “I’m not here for a bitch session, though. The main branch has found out that Tetsuji’s lost the two of you and Kengo’s not pleased.”

Jean nearly dropped the bags upon hearing that. “What happens now?” Did they have to go to London and join the Hatfords after all?

Stuart continued to stare at him in an intent manner. “What if I told you that they’re never going to stop trying for you and Abram, hmm? That the only way I can see this ending is if we give them something to appease them.”

“And that is?” Jean asked as he slumped against the stone wall framing the door.

“Well… Abram is a Hatford, and Kengo understands family ties. You? You’re not family.” Stuart gave him a cold look. “If we send you back and take Abram in? That might work.”

Jean closed his eyes and thought about it, thought about going back to the States and what the Moriyamas would do to him for daring to run, for harming one of their own… but if Nat would be safe then? As long as his partner (lover) could have a life?

It would be worth it.

“All right,” he said, his voice quiet and not free of a faint quiver, then opened his eyes. “I’ll go. Just… just don’t tell Nathaniel, okay? Not the truth. Tell him some gang got to me or… just not the truth or he’ll never stop until the Moriyamas are destroyed.” The foolish, loyal imp never knew when to let go, he thought with fond amusement despite having just signed his death sentence.

Stuart continued to study him for a couple more seconds before he rubbed at his face as if tired. “Fuck, but you’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Eh? Aren’t you?” Jean was confused, especially when the man shook his head.

“I just… I wanted to see how serious you are,” Stuart said as he motioned down the alley, toward the apartment, “about Abram. We might not have been able to do much about him, but we know him, he’s blood, whereas you?” He gave Jean another intent look. “All we know about you is that you play that damn sport well, that Abram wouldn’t leave you behind, and that… well, that you’re with him. So I wanted to see if you’re worth the trouble.”

Heat suffused Jean’s face as the meaning behind those words sunk in. “But… we’re partners,” he tried to argue as he set the bags down on the ground so he could rub at his own face (hide it behind his hands).

“Don’t lie to a liar,” Stuart muttered as he shifted about; Jean lowered his hands to watch the man light a cigarette then blow out a plume of smoke. “Like I said, Abram’s family so we kept tabs on him in the Nest, we know things.” He gave Jean a narrow look while he lowered the lighter as if slightly displeased. “At least he seems to have better taste than Mary so far, but mess with the kid? You’ll wish I had sent you back to the Moriyamas.”

“It won’t happen,” Jean swore as he picked up the bags of groceries. “Now are you done? Much longer and Nat’s going to tear the city apart looking for me.” The suffering he’d endured the last few minutes was almost worth it when an expression of panic flickered across Hatford’s face and he mumbled something about his sister.

Nat clearly had been ready to search Marseilles for Jean when they reached the apartment (he had his shoes and a jacket on, and knife in hand), and only the arrival of his uncle kept him from interrogating Jean on what had taken him so long to fetch the groceries. Jean allowed the two a few minutes for a private reunion (a bit uncomfortable on his partner’s part since he wasn’t used to grown men who obviously cared about him touching him without harm), and then the three of them settled in to talk about Nat and Jean’s future.

Stuart appeared a bit taken back when Nat argued for them to stay in Marseilles and why, and how they could help out the family as ‘independents’ – taken back but pleased in the end. He appeared to understand Nat’s logic, though he offered suggestions which Nat considered and eventually accepted. For his part, Jean was quiet and as long as Nat felt that it would work out well for them, he went along with his partner’s decisions since all he really knew was Exy and that Nat wouldn’t betray him. He caught Stuart giving him those intent looks again during the discussion from time to time, and noticed an approving gleam in the man’s grey eyes when he would defer to Nat.

“It won’t be easy for you,” Stuart confessed before he left (with the shopping list from Nat in hand), “but to be honest? I think this is more along the lines of what your mother would have wanted for you.” That appeared to be directed at Nat. “She always wanted to stand on her own, it’s why she went to the States.” Grief washed over the man’s expressive face for a moment before he shook his head. “If you’re willing to do some hard work, I’ve some people I think who’ll only be too happy to keep you busy, people who’ll also give those Moriyama bastards pause about causing any trouble.”

Nat glanced at Jean, who nodded at the proposal, before he smiled at his uncle. “It can’t be any worse than Exy practice for ten hours a day – sixteen-hour days at that, so tell them we’re in business.”

“Definitely a Hatford,” Stuart said with obvious pride. “Give me a few days to set up the new identities for you two and to gather everything on the list, though it might be Henry or Jamie who stops by with the stuff.” He grinned as he held up the list. “The family’s eager to see you and I got an earful about being the one to come this time.” The grin turned a bit sharp when Stuart glanced at Jean; years of dealing with Riko set off warning bells in Jean’s head at the thought of him meeting the rest of the ‘family’.

He had some dark thoughts about his partner and all the trouble the damn imp had dragged him into (and out of) over the years, until Stuart left the apartment. Nat was quiet as he stood by the door (locked and bolted), his eyes hooded and full lower lip caught between his teeth, until Jean tucked back a stray lock of his unruly (lovely) hair. “That went well?”

The troubled expression was quickly replaced with a smile as Nat nodded. “Yes, it did,” he assured as he caught at Jean’s hand to lead him back to the kitchen. “He won’t have agreed if he didn’t think it would work, nor would he risk any contacts to help us out. The family also can’t risk us falling back into the Moriyamas’ hands because it’ll make them look bad, so he must think it’ll work.”

Jean didn’t particularly like Stuart after the little ‘trick’ he’d pulled earlier, but he had to admit that Nat was right about the man having reasons to want to keep them safe, to keep Nat safe. He shook his head while he watched his partner (his love and reason for being) wash the dirty mugs. “Of course it’ll work, all of your insane plans do even as they leave chaos and mass destruction in their wake.” He sighed deeply while he glanced heavenwards. “I need to find the nearest church so I can light a candle,” he paused to think about that, “make that a few dozen candles.”

“Ha, there’s that wonderful sense of optimism of yours which I adore,” Nat grumbled as he set the last mug on the dish rack then reached for a towel to dry his wet hands. “I’m surprised you’re not adding ‘check out burial plots’ to the list.”

“Hmm, what a wonderful suggestion.” Jean gave the imp a blank look when Nat growled beneath his breath and came over to smack his fists (with little force) against his chest. “All right, check out my burial plot, you insane demon,” he clarified as he wrapped his arms around his beloved tormentor to hug him close.

“You know I’d never let something like that happen to you,” Nat murmured as he gazed at Jean’s chest, eyes downcast and a slight frown on his lips.

No, Nat (Nathaniel, the Butcher of Baltimore’s son and a Hatford, the Perfect Court’s number Three and the one Raven whom the Moriyamas could never break) never would, no matter how much pain and abuse Riko heaped upon him (the beatings and cuts and handing him over to- no, no more). “I know,” Jean breathed out as he hugged the most precious person in the world tighter against him.

Nat’s smile blossomed even as it took on a sad note. “I won’t. So if you want to walk away, to find your sister and live somewhere quiet together, somewhere away from all the-“

Jean didn’t give the fool a chance to finish such an improbable, generous, Nat-like offer (sacrifice); he lifted his love into a passionate kiss which served as his answer. Yet in case that wasn’t definite enough, once a certain spawn from hell was left gasping for air and clutching at his neck, Jean broke it off to speak (after he drew in a deep breath). “There’s no way I’m going to allow you to run around my beloved country unsupervised, you destructive little imp. There’ll be nothing left standing within a week.”

That earned him a pleased smile. “You underestimate me.”

Jean closed his eyes and offered up a prayer for patience even as he rubbed his partner’s back, then sighed again when Nat wiggled free.

“Come on! We’ve a lot to do before Stuart or whoever comes by with the stuff,” Nat insisted as he tugged Jean to the living room. “I should be able to teach you how to pick pockets and some basic fighting skills by then.” He seemed to consider something as he began to push the small coffee table out of the way, his lower lip once more caught between his teeth. “Maybe if it’s Henry or Jamie, they can help with the fighting.”

Jean had a feeling that he’d be running out to the store again very soon, that time to buy wine; he rubbed his forehead at the thought of what Nat and the Hatfords would soon teach him, of what his new life would be like, and sighed in intense weariness.

Still, Nat was at his side and he was free of the Moriyamas (mostly), could look forward to the day when the two of them held no obligation to anyone but each other. The thought of that future in mind, he pushed any doubts aside and taunted his partner to do his worst.

*******

Okay, so there’s that. Now I have to get to work on the Reverse Big Bang fic, last of my owed fics, and then... we’ll see?