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soaringwide · 1 month ago

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PAC: What will be revealed to you this fall? [Ko-fi extended] How to make the most out of it? Advice and guidance

Fall is a heavily introspective season for me, which is why I wanted to do a reading that focuses on self-knowledge. The question is: What will be revealed to you this fall? and I will leave it open for any type of subject, be it something you will learn about yourself, or something outside of you.

I hope this reading is helpful to you and as always, remember that this is a general reading meant for many people and that it might not apply 100%. Take what resonates and leave out the rest.

For those who wish to push this reading further, there is a ko-fi extended reading that will focus on giving you advice and guidance on how to make the most out of it. More info in my pinned post or on my ko-fi page.

book a reading ★ ko-fi membership ★ all free PACs ★ pinned post �� IG

PILE 1 ★ blue skull

Cards: 6 of Wands, Queen of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, Bottled up, Courage, Judgement, 10 of Pentacles, the Sun, 7 of Cups, Page of Swords, the Chariot, 7 of Swords, 5 of Swords, 9 of Swords, Page of Pentacles, 10 of Wands, Hope

Hello Pile 1, This reading doesn't has a set and definite area of life, but given your cards, I think it has to do with practical matters such as job or life situations and how you are interacting with it and perceiving it.

So for your current situation, I can definitely see that there's something lying underneath that has quite a negative note, but that you are trying your best to keep your heads up, being brave and look at things with positivity. You're trying to take care of yourself, look at the future, think of the success you could achieve, and as a result, you might be bottling up a lot of darker feelings that are getting the way and that could put your progression to a stop, or at least that's how you feel. You really are in a fighting mode at the moment. You don't want anything or anyone to get in the way. You have a goal, a wish, a dream to bring things to a better state.

The good thing about the situation is that you are done with the bullshit, you are done with the lies and the illusions, and you're ready to take the matter into your own hands. You understand that this situation brought you a lot and helped you grow, but that you are nearing the end of a chapter and that there is so much more to gain if you dare to go and do something else. Despite being a difficult situation, you're definitely coming out of it in a better place than when you entered it, so it's not a loss but rather something that brought you a lot and has run its course.

For what's your struggling with, you have a hard time trusting and being carefree, because I can sense the tension and worry over it. You want to be more at ease, more playful, but you don't feel like you can do that. There is also a part of you that is still wondering if you can actually move on from this situation, and if you re not going to lose something in the process, even though you know that what you're leaving behind cannot kept because it's dead weight. You don't know where this journey is leading you, and it's creating worries and doubts.

What will be revealed to you this Fall is about finding back this sense of hope despite the heavy situation. There are three things here.

First, you may feel like a lone soldier, lost and isolated in the face of this struggle, having to face heads on what's threatening you and hide your fears not let them consume you or appear weak. Yet it's also the realization that you're moving to the sound of your own drum, that you are free to go towards a different path, one that you chose for yourself and that could bring you much success down the line.

Secondly, you might be pushed to use what you think are dishonest tactics in order to get the most out of this situation. This is definitely a messy battle but one that you can come out of it like a winner, a bitter one but a winner nonetheless, if you play your cards correctly.

Thirdly, the realization, that all that you've been bottling up, all these heavy thoughts, these sleepless nights of anxiety, they can't continue and that yeah you might get hit in the face with them a bit, but realizing them also help you seek a solution. It's just that you've been ignoring them for too long and it reached an explosive point, which is not a bad thing but just a sign that things cannot continue the way they are. A new seed will be planted, a new journey to take on.

Link to the extended reading for ko-fi members, "How to make the most out of it".

PILE 2 ★ yellow skull

Cards: 4 of Pentacles, the Chariot, 7 of Pentacles, Optimism, 6 of Cups, 2 of Wands, Worn Out, Worry, Queen of Wands, Knight of Cups, The Magician, Ambition, 6 of Wands, the World rx, Queen of Cups, 3 of Swords, Valiant a Courage

For your current situation, you want to make big changes and big moves in your life, but you're currently feeling quite restricted, stuck in the same old routine, the same old places, hesitant to let go and perhaps a bit aimless as well. There is an intense feeling that you've outgrown your current situation or environment, but a hesitation to make that move, due to fearing that you're going to lose what you have.

At the same time, there is a strong faith that things will change eventually, and that it's all about being patient and working step by step towards your goal. It's like you can see the night sky above you, you know that so much more is possible and that you can transform your life, you feel this vibrant hope that transcends your current reality, yet it's hard to know where you should go.

What is going well here is that I think you're getting over some type of exhaustion you've felt in the past, perhaps weeks, months or even years. You're finally getting out of it and finding enough resources within you to look forward. I think this is making you look back on who you were, what you valued and loved, as a way to better align with who you want to become. It seems to be a great thing for you as a way to consider your options and see what suits your own unique perspective on life, and an important step to take at the moment.

What is not going so well though, is that I see you struggling to get past the fears that are paralyzing you, to some extent. I think you struggle with seeing your own strength of character, but also your skills. You have a lot to offer to the world, from a personal point of view but also what you can do, but you fail to fully embrace it. You fear that you wont be able to take out the gift you hold within you for all to see, perhaps because you don't know how to communicate it or to make something out of it, or perhaps because you worry its not going to be received well, that it doesn't fit anywhere in this world.

What will be unveiled for you this Fall is a renewed ambition and a desire to overcome the obstacles in your way. You will see more clearly what's holding you back, the hurt and the pain you've carried and you will stare right at it in order to untangle it, because you know it is the first step toward future success. Here it is all about solving these blockages by taking actions that feel different and revolutionary for yourself. You will be aware that in order to step into your new chapter, it is necessary to sooth these sore points and to show yourself that you can overcome them. You won't be holding back anymore and you will realize that you've done the hardest part already, and that these obstacles will seem like they are melting in the sun as your resolution to move forward grows. I think an important point for some of you will be to speak your own truth with authenticity, which will heal you because I think that's something you've always wanted to do yet never totally did and it caused these blockages.

Link to the extended reading for ko-fi members, "How to make the most out of it".

PILE 3 ★ pink skull

Cards: 9 of Cups, 3 of Wands, the Emperor, Relieved, Justice, 4 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, Anxiety, Queen of Pentacles, 3 of Swords, King of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, 4 of Wands, Renewal, Healing, Overwhelmed, Unknown Territory, Traveling Lightly

From the outside, it seems you currently have everything you need and seem quite stable and successful. However, I do sense some type of restlessness. Something is missing, and you don't really know what. It is possible that you fought hard to get where you are at the moment, and now that you've achieved it, you don't know where to go next. It's like you expected to be at peace by now, but the reality is that you don't feel that way.

For what is going well, I definitely think that financially, things are quite stable, you've been careful about your spendings and are in a comfortable and balanced situation. There's definitely something big, like some type of achievement or something you acquired that feels like a milestone you've worked patiently towards. Perhaps you used to have debts or fines that you've finally put behind you after carefully paying them back. In all cases, this used to cause a lot of anxiety, and while the reason for it is gone, it's still lingering.

So it makes sense that for you struggles, you are still dealing with these pains that getting out of this situation caused you. I see you struggling to find hope for the future and also struggling to take care of yourself properly. I think you put your own needs and desire at the back, that you probably didn't really take care of this anxiety of yours because it was more important in the moment to take care of this heavy situation.

What will be revealed to you this Fall is the importance of releasing steam, and by that I mean all these emotions you've bottled up previously. It will be a time of renewal and healing for you if you decide to choose yourself and an opportunity to dedicate some time for the aspects of your life you've neglected. It might feel uncomfortable at times. You may feel lost in this new era, but it will help you unburden yourself emotionally and allow you to recharge your batteries. I see a time for socializing, reconnecting with friends and family, and even meeting new people. Also a time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and splurge on yourself a little, which in your case is not a bad thing at all.

Link to the extended reading for ko-fi members, "How to make the most out of it

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pac reading #tarot reading #divination #pick a pile #tarot #soaringwide #soaringwide tarot reading #tarot readings #tarotblr #tarot community

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bad268 · 4 months ago

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Hi! Can I put in a request for Paul Aron x F1 driver! Y/N? It’s be cute for the reader to bring Paul around the paddock and make him say hi to everyone and vice versa!

Rookie Debuts (Paul Aron X Williams Driver! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/F3

Requested: Clearly (I have so much fun with this <3 also, I love Logan, but I needed to give him appendicitis for this)

Warnings: mentions appendicitis (Logan Sargeant)

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1751

Summary: The reader takes Paul on a chaotic walk through the paddock.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

You didn’t know what was with drivers and their appendixes erupting recently, but you weren’t complaining as it gave you your Formula 1 debut. You have been a Williams Academy driver since 2021, and you were named their reserve driver while you competed in Formula 2. That means that when Logan’s appendix erupted just before the Hungarian Grand Prix, you were pulled up. It sucked a little because you liked racing against your friends and boyfriend, but you were never going to pass up an opportunity to race your favorite track in a Formula 1 car.

Paul was more than happy for you! You were the same when he got his opportunity at the Formula E race in Berlin back in May, so it was only fair he was just as supportive. He said he would follow you around like a puppy all weekend (not like it was anything out of the ordinary).

One thing that you made sure to do on media day was to talk to every driver, regardless of who they were. You did not want to be the new meat on the grid and have no insight. You had raced in Hungry before, but it was just different this time. Paul was busy doing his own media obligations, so you got a head start. You were put on a media panel with Max, Charles, Oscar, and Fernando, and you planned to use that to the fullest.

“Question for Y/n,” an interviewer broke your train of thought, “How do you feel stepping into Logan Sargeant’s car this weekend? How has the grid treated you so far? And is there anything you feel disadvantaged by?”

“I’m nervous but excited, so I can’t complain,” You chuckled. “The grid hasn’t really talked to me yet, but it was announced this morning that I was driving. I’m cutting them some slack right now. As for a disadvantage, I just think I’m not nearly as experienced as the rest of the drivers, and I haven’t trained as much. That’s all I can think of, but if any drivers want to give me some advice or anything,” you mockingly coughed, “it would be greatly appreciated.”

“Break slightly earlier going into turn six,” Fernando said quietly as he leaned toward you. “You’ll want to try braking later, but coming from experience, break earlier.”

“Also,” Oscar piped up, “Use heat on your neck before you train and ice it after. It loosens your neck and helps with recovery.”

“And this track you’ll need quick instincts, so brush up on those,” Max said.

“And don’t forget,” Charles interrupted before anyone else could add more, “This is your first race in a Formula 1 car. You’re not going to be perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself. How many testing and free practice sessions have you been in?”

“Two testing sessions this year, and I haven’t had a free practice session yet,” You answered.

“See? So you’ve had very limited running in this car. No one is expecting you to be Michael Schumacher this weekend,” Charles laughed.

“Thanks, I’ll take all that into this race,” You chuckled as the panel finished up. Each of you got up and walked out together. Just as everyone was about to split off toward their respective garages you stopped them. “Really, thank you guys. I really appreciate everything you’re telling me.”

“Of course,” Oscar comforted as he gave you a side hug. “We were all rookies before, and we know that this track is probably not the best one to be starting on.”

“Yeah, and if you need any more help or have questions, we’re here,” Charles added, giving you a hug too. Max sandwiched you between them as he also gave you a hug.

“What if I just want someone to talk to?” You asked. “Alex is always with James or George and I don’t know anyone in this paddock.”

“You know us,” Max said blankly. “Whenever we don’t have any race things to do, you’re always welcome in Red Bull.”

“Same for Ferrari.”

“And McLaren.”

“And Aston Martin. We also have Felipe this weekend.”

This weekend was off to a great start. You couldn’t complain. You tried your best to bounce between the F1 and F2 paddocks since you still wanted to cheer on Paul. You were a Paul Aron cheerleader first. Williams Formula 1 driver second.

It worked out well, so you were able to watch almost the entirety of Paul’s sessions before having to go get ready for your sessions. Thankfully though, your physical trainer has taken to helping you stretch somewhere where you could see and hear the race. They only made you head to the garage when you had to look over data and change before getting in the car.

Then, Paul said he would be in your garage as soon as he finished his post-session obligations. After your first free practice session, he was waiting in the back of your garage by the time you came in. He was still in his race suit since he had to qualify later, but it was comforting to have him there backing you up.

It became a ritual that everyone in Williams came to look forward to seeing after every session. They found it adorable. Some called it young love while others said it was true love. Without fail, you would climb out of the car and immediately run into Paul’s open arms regardless of how the session went.

When race day finally came, you had made an impact on the grid, showing exactly what you could do and why it was a good decision you were pulled up. Every practice session had you in the top 15, and you qualified eighth for the race itself. You and the team were proud, but no one was as proud as Paul.

The morning of the races, you went in early with Paul. You both wanted to support your friends in F3, but you also wanted to introduce Paul to all of your new friends.

“Come on, Paul! We have time to say hi before going to see Dino and Gabriele before the feature race, but I wanna introduce you to my new friends!” You exclaimed as you dragged Paul by the hand through the paddocks.

“I’ve met Alex and James already,” Paul chuckled, following behind you blankly but became confused when you pulled him past the Williams hospitality. “Wait, where are we going?”

“To meet my new friends, duh!” You laughed as you continued until you saw Max and Liam talking outside of the Red Bull hospitality. “Max, Liam! Hi!”

“Hey, what’s up?” Max said as he turned to pull you and Paul into the conversation.

“Nothing much, just showing Paul around,” You giggled as you leaned into his side. Paul just stood frozen. “He’s a bit shy if you can’t tell.”

“We can tell. Are you ready for your first F1 race?” Liam chuckled as he returned your enthusiasm.

“As ready as I can be,” You answered honestly before looking over at Paul. “Well, I think I should take him somewhere to regain his sense of reality real quick. I’ll see you guys later!” You bid them goodbye as you pulled Paul over to an empty table. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t fan anyone, but you actually talked to Max Verstappen and he didn’t kill you?” Paul asked. You weren’t sure if he was serious or not, but it still made you laugh lightly. “What’s next? You’re gonna tell me you’re friends with Fernando Alonso?”

And as they say, speak of the devil, they will appear. Fernando, as if his ears were ringing, comes walking up to you two with Lance and Felipe.

“Hey, rookie,” Fernando teased as he took a seat in front of you. Lance took a seat next to him and Felipe leaned against the table.

“Hey yourself rookie,” You chuckled, lifting your hand to fist bump him. “What are you three up to?”

“Walking around before sitting in a car for two hours,” Lance replied sarcastically.

“But you’re sitting,” Paul pointed out, causing them to laugh.

“Look at that! Your boyfriend can come out of his shell! Max was just saying how awkward he was with him and Liam,” Felipe laughed.

“Ok, I gotta take this guy around to make him meet everyone now,” You said as you stood up and pulled Paul away. “I’ll see you on the track, minus Felipe.”

“Don’t rub it in!”

“I cannot believe I manifested Fernando Alonso to come over,” Paul said in disbelief as you two walked aimlessly between the hospitalities.

“I can’t believe you made a fool of yourself in front of two world champions already,” You teased. After being met with Paul planting his feet and pouting, you turned and placed a short kiss to his lips. “I love you anyway, but you’re my fool.”

“I’m a fool for you,” Paul whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours and pulled you into another kiss.

“Why must I be single?” A voice from behind you two said but it was immediately followed by an “oof”. You two pulled apart and looked back to see Oscar and Lando standing You assumed Lando said it and Oscar elbowed him in the stomach.

“That’s not something I can answer for you,” You chuckled as you approached them. “You guys ready?”

“I think the question is, are you? Any nerves yet?” Oscar asked. “This goes for both of you. Paul, I saw you’re leading the championship, so how’re you feeling?”

“Good, starting on pole, so I can’t complain,” Paul answered.

“I’m also pretty good. Hungaroring is my favorite track, so I’m just ready to have fun,” You added before hearing some commotion behind you. You turn to see a flurry of read running up behind you.

“There you are!” Charles said out of breath. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Why? We have like four hours?” You responded, looking at your watch in confusion before your eyes widened. “Shit!”

“What?” Paul asked.

“Paul!” Ollie shouted as he ran up to you. “Hitech had been looking for you everywhere! You need to be there for pre-race.”

“But F3 hasn’t started yet,” Paul answered confused.

“They’re on lap 18 of 22,” Ollie answered as he pulled your boyfriend away, pulling you in the chain as well. “I’ll make sure someone returns the Williams driver!”

“Or not! I’m starting ninth, and I’d like a free place!” Oscar shouted after you.

~~~~~

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dragonslaved · 6 days ago

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All right, besties. I had my days of depression and (bad) ideations, I had my flare of anger. It's easy to fall into despair, but let's focus that energy to thinking further ahead. Firstly: by focusing on our health and eating.

You've probably noticed in the last few months, a lot of food recalls from the FDA. The majority of these, particularly the most recent ones around heavily processed chicken in ready-meals and beef in fast food restaurants, are a direct result of the 45th president cutting back health regulations in industrialized food production four to six years ago that we're just now seeing the results of as it's gone through the process and finally hit shelves.

Now would be a good time to start looking into your local farmer's markets and sourcing your meats and produce from locally owned farms you trust. Start developing a good relationship with your local farmers and butchers. When you go to see them, just get to know them and ask some general questions.

A lot of these places are family run, particularly if you're not close to a large metropolitan area. So when you go to see these folks and they make small talk (because they will, they want to know what brought you out, how'd you find their farm, what kinds of meats and cuts and whatever you're looking for, just genuine small talk), do not bring up politics or USDA regulations. Literally just tell them that you're interested in sourcing and supporting local agriculture and farming (which is true, you are wanting to get away from big corporate industrialized meat production).

If your area has a good farmer's market during the spring/summer/fall, absolutely hit that up. The one close by me not only has good meats and produce, but also honey, different kinds of cheeses, all sorts of things. Farmer's markets closer to a city or metropolitan area will usually only be on weekends during the warmer seasons so keep an eye out and check out any options you have.

I'll give a starting resource for you: https://www.localharvest.org/locations/

Any local farms or farmer's markets that are registered there in the mainland US will have some listings there with hours of operation, location and what they produce, as well as if they're a farm, a farmer's market, a grocery, or a local restaurant, as well as reviews. Use that and source further and find other farms that aren't registered on that site that may have more of what you're looking for. The farming community talk to each other and they know what's up with the other farms.

If you want to go out and pick your own produce (berries, fruits, etc), there's https://upickfarmlocator.com/ that will show you any "u-pick" farms and orchards in your area. It's a pretty in depth resource that I'd recommend using if you're able to go out and do that.

There are a few urban harvesting resources like fallingfruit, but I'm not as familiar with that so I can't in good faith recommend it until I've done some research into it myself.

I'm mostly familiar with chicken farms and fish ponds so I can't provide much insight to cattle or game meat, unfortunately. If anyone who sees this post is familiar, please feel free to add on. I'm also not a source for how to skin your meat or pluck your birds, so again, if anyone seeing this has any insight, please please add on to this.

Let's keep each other healthy and strong so we can fight the good fight ahead of us. The biggest advice I can give to anyone starting this journey is to research. Research anything you're interested in and don't give up.

I'll update this post with any other resources I find, or that others add on. This post is recent as of 2024-11-08.

(And yes, I know, before anyone comes rushing in, I understand this is not as easy for larger metropolitan areas or food deserts. Yes I know not everyone has the ability to go out and do this, and not everyone has easy transportation to haul goods back. This is where the "community" part comes if you can coordinate a group renting a car or someone who does drive to get everyone out there and back. And yes, before other folks come in, I understand sometimes it's better to grow your own produce and raise your own livestock, this is for the folks who don't have the ability to whether that's because of physical disabilities, lack of space [Hi, I live in a condo and have no space to grow my own in fact], or any other reason why they can't.)

#food #resources

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simplyreveries · 6 months ago

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Hi hi I just seen your new post and I came running.

Feel free to deny or anything like that. This is a platonic Diasomnia with a gn reader who sees Lilia as a father figure and is around Silver's age and sees Silver, Malleus, and Sebek as brothers.

diasomnia

they're already a pretty tightknit group and family with one another, it's no different with you around. in fact, I'd say they have more of a protective nature, that's usually with someone like malleus or silver even if it isn't always obvious-- they're always looking out for you in each of their own ways. whether or not you reside in ramshackle, diasomnia is basically your home now since you're there most of the time.

lilia is his typical playful self with you, but since you're so close you him, yes you are succumbed to eating his "meals" that he so graciously goes out of his way to make for you. I guess it's the thought that counts. but the number of times he has made you treats like a birthday cake on special occasions and it being awful is too many times to count. also, its canon i think that lilia cuts his own hair and does silvers... he will 100% try to do the same to you be warned. he will want to dye it too.

he also gets genuinely proud and praises for things you've done well in... he is so supportive. but he has this attitude of already knowing that you could do it anyway. with all of his energy around you he also can be completely comforting and consoling for any of your troubles. you literally cannot hide anything from him, he knows you too well enough to have you act like something isn't bothering you and making you upset. truthfully, he is so keen and observant he probably will already know what the issue even is- but he'll gently remind you to let it out and be open with him.

malleus is more of the quieter type around you, that looks quite intimidating whenever he is lurking beside you. but he is as doting as he can be to someone like you, he holds dearly. you're one of the few people, along with the others in your little circle of family in diasomnia. he considers it to be precious and very special to him. it's funny how he doesn't seem to react any indifferently if you wanted to something as uncharacteristic for him like you make flower crowns from the courtyard and putting them on him.

as i have mentioned, yes, he does have slight tendency to be protective of you- he certainly has told you some of his... distaste for anyone in the school when it comes to anything romantic for you. and for the love of all things, it better not be someone like leona. I'd genuinely love to thing about how that would play out.

I think silver shows his care for you in ways such as teaching you how to use a sword and defense. he looks out for you like that, he does enjoy having someone to train and practice with anyway. he is slightly awkward when it comes to doing things like giving advice, but he wants to look more respectable and someone you can look up to in your eyes. It's just... he is a sheltered guy who has spent his life living with faes he has no clue how to navigate most social things too. he IS someone who will listen to you always though even if he doesn't have the words.

he trusts you a lot and always asks you to make sure you help him stay awake during the day-- if you catch him dozing off you have permission to shake or nudge him awake. if its you thats dozing off he'll mumble something about you "not getting enough sleep" but he lets you have your peace around him.

you're like the only person who can somewhat get away with teasing or messing around with him. like he'll always react upset btu you still can do it. he slightly changes his negative views and annoyances with humans, you're like this exception he's felt along with silver. he'll still grudging call you human but its not with the amount aggression he may have with others haha. like silver, he enjoys practicing the sword with you, but its more of a challenge that he enjoys having.

he also forces you to study with him if he feels that you're struggling, he tries to make it not seem like he's looking out for you. he always chastises you for always getting caught up into trouble with the other first years like ace, deuce, and grim. may or may not think they're a bad influence sometimes when it comes to what they get themselves in.

#twst #disney twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst wonderland #LOL kinda long mb #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland headcanons #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #silver twst #sebek zigvolt #twst imagines #twst hcs #not proofreadd

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orobaxis · 2 years ago

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Hiii! I loved your last Ominis X reader fic so much 😍 I really hope you write more!! I have a few prompts I’d love to read but feel free to pick and choose any ones you like because I’ll take any Ominis content you give 🥰

- Reader gets hurt and has to go to the hospital wing. Ominis is super worried and spends as much time as he can with them.

- Reader falls asleep on Ominis’ shoulder (or vice versa)

- Ominis getting bad dating/flirting advice from Sebastian to use on reader. Queue a facepalm from Anne and a very confused reader

- Reader comforts Ominis after he receives a particularly bad howler from his parents

- Ominis and reader each trying to build up the courage to initiate their first kiss.

these are all so sweet oml!! ! happy valentine's day everyone! thank you for all the love! <3

valentine's day chaos

ominis gaunt x reader (hogwarts legacy)

word count: 1200

prompts:

-Ominis getting bad dating/flirting advice from Sebastian to use on reader

-Reader gets hurt and has to go to the hospital wing

-Reader falls asleep on Ominis’ shoulder

and another ask: Loved your Ominis story! More pleaseee! Maybe from the prompt list: “are you really so oblivious?” I feel like that’s so very Ominis to say haha!

beware of spoilers in the comments/tags/reblogs!

ominis was doomed the moment he started to ask sebastian

unfortunately for him, he doesn't really trust anyone else for this super secret task he has appointed himself, and who else would he ask if not for his best mate sebastian? (literally anyone else)

"you want to ask y/n out on a date, do you?"

ominis tries to hide his shock, "what makes you say that?"

sebastian shrugs matter-of-factly, "well, it's valentine's day, and you've been talking about y/n all day today"

they both turn their heads to the sounds of y/n and anne laughing as they play summoner's court

"i have an idea on how you can woo y/n," sebastian suggests, and he basically sees ominis' ears twitch in interest

"well?" ominis starts, almost irritated, as he waits for sebastian, "what is it?"

sebastian smirks, "i know she will appreciate this and you will successfully woo y/n. women love grand gestures of love, y'know."

cut to charms class, all four of you are (kind of) listening to professor ronen talk about some softening charm when

BAM! the door burst open

you crane your head to see...

dwarves

three of them, wearing golden wings and carrying harps, making them resemble cupids...if not for the scowls on their faces

it may as well be goblins from the way they scowl and look around the room

you and anne exchange curious looks, wondering if professor ronen has somehow hired these dwarves, but judging from the curious look on his face as well, you doubt it

you miss sebastian elbowing ominis, an excited look on his face, and whispering, "here they are"

"y/n l/n?" one gruff dwarf calls out

you shrink next to anne, unsure of what the dwarf wants, but you have a sense that it wasn't good

professor ronen, bless him, is very confused, "um... excuse me?"

"are you y/n?"

"err, no...but--"

"y/n l/n?!" all three dwarves shout

anne pipes up, "here! she's here!" raising her hand to point at you

you try to glare at her, curious and anxious about the dwarves

one dwarf tosses you what appears to be a box of chocolates, which you almost drop, while another one clears his throat before reciting in a gruff voice

"y/n l/n, the sound of your laugh

is like my calming draught

i wish we would hug

you are a beauty and me, a lousy dugbog"

"dugbog??" ominis hisses at sebastian, who looks proud of his creation

everyone in the classroom giggles as the three dwarves try to do a pirouette and then vanish

"oh y/n," anne exclaims, "that was so..."

"sweet?" sebastian suggests

"embarrassing!" anne retorts with a laugh. behind her, you dont notice ominis turning pale (paler than he usually is already) before sending a mean elbow into sebastian's stomach (a hex too)

as the class tries to transition back to class, you see looks on their faces, excited to see what is inside the box

you open it and you see a chocolate frog

"oh," you sigh, relieved, before smiling, "this isn't so bad."

when you bite into it however, you feel your stomach turn

professor ronen and anne must have noticed how green you looked as the professor quickly produces a bag in front of you

you proceed to empty the contents of your stomach into the bag

anne frowns at this, "it's a vomiting valentine! it's a nasty thing you usually send to someone who broke your heart on valentine's day!"

"quickly, miss sallow," professor ronen instructs, "please take her to the hospital wing!"

this time, it was sebastian's turn--appearing greener than a frog.

"sallow, what have you done?" ominis hisses, "i thought you said this would work!"

"the dwarves worked, didn't they? they must have picked up a different package, she wasn't supposed to get the vomiting valentine!"

"you oaf!" the gaunt boy huffs as he and sebastian follow you and anne out of the classroom and to the hospital wing, ignoring professor ronen's shouts

thankfully, nurse blainey is able to solve your...valentine's malady

ominis, however, is so consumed by guilt, and in his head he just keeps regretting having asked sebastian for help

so when he and seb find you recovering in the hospital wing, he's relieved

and he decides that this should be the time to apologize

"some valentine's, huh?" you smile at them

in seb's quest to ask for ominis' forgiveness, he manages to drag his sister away from the hospital wing

you smile at them and wave, before turning to ominis, who looks stiff as a board, "ominis, are you alright?"

his voice is hard, "you got hurt."

you gesture to yourself, "this? oh it was nothing," you wave your hand to dismiss it

"no," he replies, "you got hurt...because of m- some stupid, stupid valentine's day prank. and you got embarrassed by those dwarves too."

you can see how much this is affecting ominis, so you try to reach for him, settling for his hand

you pull him closer to you, telling him to sit beside you on the bed, "i'll move over, sit here with me"

ominis hums, and sits beside you

"it's all sebastian's fault"

you turn your head to look at him, confused, "seb?"

"yes, he ordered those dwarves...they must have switched the package with the vomiting valentine"

hearing this from ominis kind of deflates you, and you unconsciously turn away from him

"oh...sebastian did those for me? does he...like me?"

ominis gapes in shock, eyebrows raising, "no! i mean...yes, he did all those...but he doesn't like you! he doesn't hate you either...i just meant--"

he sighs, "i asked him for help on what to give you for valentine's day...so this was all his idea. i thought...you'd like these grand gestures and--"

"wait," you perk up, smiling. ominis can hear the joy in your voice, "you...like me?"

now it's ominis' turn to look in your direction, head tilting in curiosity, "yes, of course. are you really so oblivious?"

you laugh, in shock, in relief, as you clutch his hand happily. "i guess i am. but even with the dwarves and the vomiting valentine, this day is still good."

"what makes you say that?"

you blush, mustering the courage to lean in and rest your head on his shoulder. he smells good, feels warm, safe. "well, because i just found out the person i like likes me back."

ominis hums happily at that, visibly relaxing.

you two don't say anything else, but you quietly relish in each other, his hands wrapped around yours

and slowly, he rests his head on top of yours, feeling your breathing becoming even

and ominis closes his eyes, taking in your scent, thinking, "yes, perhaps today wasn't so bad after all."

the twins come to check on you two in a while, and sebastian sighs in relief when they see you two resting, with your head on ominis' shoulder and his head resting on top of yours.

all's well that ends well

until...

"you won't be getting away with this, sebastian," ominis calls out.

#hogwarts #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt imagine #ominis gaunt x reader #hogwarts legacy #harry potter #wizarding world #sebastian sallow #anne sallow #hogwarts imagine #hogwarts legacy imagine

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shirecorn · 11 months ago

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Your reindeer designs give me such childish joy I can't wait to see the rest. What's your process (aka any advice) for designing from scratch with something like just a name or concept?

Redbubble (buy reindeer swag) || Patreon (see all early!) || Ko-fi

See more free tutorials!

You can see my process unfold in real time by joining any tier of my patreon discord. Which doesn't even have to go through patreon! If you want, you can just pay me $20 and let you in for a year (and then lose track and probably keep you anyway)

Here's a preview using comet! (nevermind the preview thing I wrote you a whole lecture lol)

initial sketches in 2021:

Revisited in 2022 and 2023

I was constantly asking which design was the weakest, why, and how to fix it. Whenever I tested without the magical comet behind it, people could only guess who comet was by process of elimination.

I didn't want to rely on throwing icons into the design. I wanted each one to communicate through shape and silhouette alone. It would be like drawing a little cherub with a bow and arrow floating along with cupid. If you have to include a nametag to communicate, your design can be improved.

So I tried a few different strategies to say "comet" before I realized I could twist the antlers into any shape I wanted. I was worried I would have to discard the drawing and restart from scratch! Which is what I did for rudolph about 6 times before I had a breakthrough.

Then I gave my patrons a brief lesson in antlers to explain where and why I was placing the tines. When I stray from the caribou structure, I do so knowingly in order to achieve something that cannot be achieved within the caribou shape, like dancer's tutu. Know the rules before you break them. My goal is to make animal nerds (myself chief among them) happy when they see species-specific anatomy instead of cop outs.

I tried a few things before figuring out antlers could become comet

Another thing that often caribou have is an unsymmetrical "spork" that comes forward off only one antler. I figured this out by looking at hundreds of reindeer pictures and saving them to my reference folder. A few of my designs have this, that's what the little spiral is in the final comet antler design.

When I put comet in my lineup, I realized that the antlers I drew were way more stylized, chunky, and "tribal" than the others. I had already changed the proportions on one of my designs to match, so then I had to hack away at the basic comet rack to make it look natural.

I already knew that comet's colors would be easy because a basic reindeer already Has the big comet on the shoulder. But here's a peak at all the reindeer images I posted for my patrons to look at.

As you can see below, I chose reindeer markings for all my designs instead of other deer or animals. Even vixen is tied to actually possible reindeer patterns rather than copy-pasting a fox. Almost all of my designs have light-colored anklets on dark colored legs, which is very common with caribou of any color. This is the sort of thing no one tells you; you have to observe it yourself.

Ft cupid's early design! I was continually testing out my reindeer silhouettes and colors on new people, taking their feedback, and fixing what wasn't clicking.

I know I could have made vixen sexy and curvy to play into a recognizable trope, but I really wanted them to be scary and fox-like. Sometimes you gotta do what you want and not what you think will appeal to audiences. Reindeer Days is a purposeful exercise in audience resonance. Most of my art is 100% me and what I feel like doing with no regards to anyone else. So it was a fun challenge!

My patrons also got to see me making fun of corporate designs for recognizably/cliches at the expense of literally anything good

One of these is going to get a lot more "that must be vixen!" results from people who aren't constantly thinking about animal colors, markings, hunting strategies, and teeth.

And one rocks.

Vixen changed the least from the initial 2021 concept!

A Vixen is a female fox. In english slang, it means a cunning, fierce human woman, and sometimes sexually attractive or promiscuous. Quite often an insult to someone because she won't date you!

But to me, a vixen is an animal. A predator.

When designing to reference something, I like to hit it at multiple angles, referencing obscure trivia about something to delight and educate. This is done by researching a topic deeply, far below surface level and beyond what you think you need to make your design. Or in my case its just knowing a bunch of animal trivia already.

After researching/dredging your knowledge, sit there and Think. Don't draw anything. Come up with several ideas and then throw them all in at once for the ultimate trivia design.

Trivia about red foxes:

They have Long bushy tails

They have teeth that include large sharp canines, flat incisors, triangular premolars, and chunky molars with points on them that slide scissor-like with the molars above to cut meat via chewing

They hunt rodents in burrows under the snow by jumping into the air, arcing, and slamming down with their face through the snow

They are orange

They have a dark vertical stripe on their snout

They have black legs, with the backs and bottoms being orange

Translated into the design:

Pose based on a fox jumping, about to land in the snow

Antlers twisted to resemble teeth

Long (for a reindeer) bushy tail

black mark on snout

Some adjustment to the pose to be at the top of the arc and flow better.

Tinkering with the design to make it recognizable but not 100% copypasta fox

I was finally happy with a design that absolutely showed "fox" while still being creative and plausibly caribou shaped. This would absolutely communicate who it is! I thought!

The most obvious one of the bunch! After all, everyone knows what a vixen is!

Nope! No they do not

Want to be part of the design process, help me with WIPs months before everyone else, see exclusive doodles every day, and join a funky little community?

(you also get to see photos of my dog)

Connect your discord to your patreon and join any tier to automatically get added to the server. Not a fan of patreon or monthly subscriptions? message me here, on ko-fi, or via email (shirecorn.art@ gmail.com) and ask if you can pay $20 to get put in the server for at least a year and longer if we work it out later!

This was supposed to be a preview to get you to pay me but instead I wrote an entire lecture for free because I can't help myself.

Want to thank me for the free info? Tag me when you use what you learned! Comment and give feedback! If I could pay rent with attention I would never need anything else in life.

You can also thank me by tipping my ko-fi! I use it to buy pens since I die if I have caffeine. But could you imagine??

#shire screams #shire draws #art tips #art tutorial #character design #character design tutorial #tutorial #behind the scenes #design tutorial #design tips #reindeer days #ask #ramble machine

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watcherwingedcat · 1 month ago

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Hi! So I just found out about essas like this week and the concept is very intriguing to me! I saw that you made a post explaining the basics of that an essa is and that you've also answered someone else's ask about them, so I thought I'd put some questions here. These are directed at the community at large (if anyone who reads this also wants to share) but I thought it'd make more sense to put them as an ask. If they are too personal, please feel free not to answer them!

I think I've got a few questions, so here it goes-

1) How do you bond with an essa? I've seen multiple people mention bonding with them and it made me curious. What are methods you use to bond with an essa? Which do you think are least/most effective? I'm sure these vary from person to person but I'd still love to hear examples.

2) How do you know if what you're doing for bonding is working? Like how fo you tell if you're actually forming a bond?

3) How does an essa help? I understand that they are supposed to comfort their handler/owner (is there a word preference in the community?) but I'm not exactly sure how that works. Again, I'm sure it varies but I'd love some examples ^^

And 4) How did/do you pick your/an essa? Which things do you usually consider while getting one?

That's all the questions I had for now. These are asked out of genuine curiosity and I hope they aren't read the wrong way. Thank you and anyone who reads this for any answers you choose to give. I hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful day!

- 🌌🌃

Hello! So, quite an amount of questions, anon, thanks for the ask! It's crazy how people asked me about it, never thought that my little post would interest people. I'm planning on making some other posts on the matter, but I'll try to answer the best I can. I'm in not means an expert, but I do know how human psychology works (a little bit).

1) How do you bond with an essa? What are methods you use to bond with an essa? Which do you think are least/most effective?

So, the first thing to remember is that essas, even tho we in the community like to make them feel alive, they are just what their name says: They are plushies. We like to pretend they are real dogs/animals or whatever, but at the end of the day they are still plushies.

But well, how do you bond with your essa, knowing this? First, you need to choose which kind of essa you want. Do you want a big plushie? A small one? Think about whether or not you can take them anywhere with you, or not. "Bonding" requires you'll spend a lot of time with your essa, so you know your friend well. Also, yes, it's important to bond with it, otherwise the essa would just be a simple plushie, therefore useless if you already have one. Essas help you. They bring support. So, spending time with it, carrying it with you, you getting used to it, etc, would be the best methods.

The best advice I can give you is to form an especial connection to your essa. Maybe it's a childhood plushie that gives you comfort. Maybe, like me, you chose your essa because of the texture it has for grounding techniques. But you need to bring yourself to care for it.

2) How do you know if what you're doing for bonding is working? Like how do you tell if you're actually forming a bond?

Again, an essa is still just a plushie. But, if you got yourself used to it and bring it with you and it isn't doing anything, maybe you need to try from a different approach.

If you did all of the things I said, and the essa still feels like isn't working, maybe you're still not very attached to it. That's okay. Just try again. How do you know if you're bonding, and the essa it's helping you?

You know your "bonding" it's working when you feel the plushie is actually working. I know it sound obvious, but hear me out. If you are attached to the plushie, you care for it, the plushie will give you comfort, therefore, it will "task" correctly. For example, say you're having an anxiety or panic attack, and you pet your essa for grounding and in order to distract yourself. And... your essa actually calms you down. That's how you know the essa is doing its work, because you are attached to it, and it brings you comfort.

The bond you have with your essa it's chosen, and it's yours. You choose it. Maybe you use your essa every single day, maybe you don't need it at all times. Maybe you bring it with you everywhere, maybe not. It's up to you, and your essa will adapt to whatever your lifestyle is.

3) How does an essa help? I'm sure it varies but I'd love some examples ^^

An essa brings comfort to the user, and it can have different tasks. As an example, Ramen, my essa, has a texture that helps me grounding. Some essas are heavy because they are filled with rice or gravel, and they help the user with deep pressure therapy. Maybe petting your essa helps distract you from hurting yourself.

Essas also help with neurodiversities. I'm autistic and I'm very awkward in social situations, so Ramen gives me confidence in myself.

An essa can help you getting out of your house, too. For example, I treat Ramen as a real dog, and real dogs need walks every single day. Therefore, I go outside to walk him. You may receive weird looks, just ignore them.

"Plushies are more than just toys. They become confidants and a source of unwavering support. As silent witnesses to our joys and sorrows, stuffed animals are trustworthy allies in our battles against stress and anxiety. Whether you developed a lasting bond with a cherished stuffed animal as a child or found a new friend well into adulthood, an emotional support stuffed animal can help you through your toughest times.

Stuffed animals bring comfort, alleviate anxiety, and nurture emotional well-being no matter your age. They are a testament to simple comforts in a chaotic and unpredictable world!"

4) How did/do you pick your/an essa? Which things do you usually consider while getting one?

How you choose your essa varies from person to person. It doesn't have to be a dog, or have gear, either, it literally can be any stuffed toy. I picked Ramen literally in an impulsive decision: I was researching essas on the internet and one day me and my friend went to Tiger. There, they sold dog plushies for nine dollars, and because it was inside of my budget, I just bought him.

You may want to consider your lifestyle. Do you really need an essa? Are you ready for it, to care for it, to love it? Because if it's something you'll just buy but never use, maybe it's not the solution for you. Obviously, there aren't any rules on owning essas. But if you'll be throwing money away, maybe it isn't worth it.

Please, don't listen to others when they say essas have to be a certain brand or have to be expensive. You don't need to follow certain "rules" or "requirements". An essa can be any plushie. The only difference from essas and a normal plushie is the relationship you have with them, and the amount of comfort they bring you. They are not pets, but also, they are not just plushies. They are your friends, and powerful tools against certain disorders.

#essa #emotional support plushie #emotional support stuffed animal #answering ask #ask #thecatchirps #from the queue

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optimisticstudentangel · 1 year ago

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Why side characters are boyfriend material?

Diavolo

Lord Diavolo is great for building a reliable relationship. He is one of those types who are always ready to listen to his partner and become better for himself and his lover.

He has a childish interest in everything, so you will never get bored with Diavolo. He often comes up with unusual ideas with which he is ready to occupy your time with him. Most of your dates were organized by Diavolo, he takes your meetings very seriously, thinking in advance about what you will do. For this reason, all your dates are perfect from start to finish.

Sometimes it may seem to you that the future king of the Devildom is a child in an adult body, but I hasten to refute this idea, because despite his frequent infantilism, he is always responsible at the right moments. So you can always rely on him.

In general, there is always a balance in a relationship with him. He is courteous and cheerful, passionate and soft, deep, but at the same time simple.

Barbatos

Barbatos does not need to be directed anywhere in the relationship, he himself will cope with it perfectly. Perhaps you will be able to have a helpful relationships with him, because his language of love is caring.

With him, you easily forget about the mini tasks that you had to do. He can take half of your worries to make life easier for you. Do not forget to also take care of him, because he is very pleased when you respond with the same gestures.

Also, his strong point is that he can speak out about things that concern him. In any relationship, it is important that the partners feel comfortable when discussing topics that bother them. Be sure that you can tell him about your problems, and that he will always be ready to listen to you and give you advice.

It's good to have a calm and comfortable relationship with him. Together with Barbatos, you can create a relationship where both you and him give all your all, so that your romantic connection is cozy for both of you.

Simeon

He is the greenest flag in the whole wide world. The relationship with him is perfect because he is very understanding and sensitive to your and his needs.

He read a lot of books, including romantic ones. As a model of behavior in a relationship, he took an example from the charming main characters, adding something of his own. He has been dedicating poems to you, in which he confessed his strong love to you every time.

If somehow, you felt offended by him, then he always solved the problem by discussing his mistakes. He never let you get away from him in an offended and sad state until he gets to the bottom of the problem and makes you happy again.

Simeon's strong shoulder lets you know of his boundless support. Do not be afraid to seem weak, Simeon will be happy to help you in any way he can, he will protect you.

Solomon

A relationship with him will always lead you to something new. This is the most striking feature of Solomon, which you need to get used to as soon as possible. He is a free man who loves to make choices that will give him something he did not know before.

As his mate, at the beginning it might seem to you that Solomon absolutely does not need anyone, he will find company for himself, cheer himself up, he will spend his immortal life without focusing on anyone. He doesn't depend on anyone. This is partly true, but still Solomon let you know that you are an important person in his life and he will not let you leave him so easily. Solomon will always be around, hanging around somewhere with you.

Solomon is the one who brings change with him. It's hard to find stability with him, because he loves chaos and unpredictability. Being with him for some time, you begin to understand that you yourself are gradually beginning to change, to get used to the character of Solomon. The relationship with him is like an adventure on a raging sea, which directs both of you in an unclear direction, where you eventually find your happiness. He is free as a cat who does not tolerate any kind of management in his side, but he will be happy to give you the opportunity to be his equal companion.

#obey me #obey me side characters #obey me scenarios #obey me fanfic #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #simeon x reader #simeon x you #diavolo x mc #diavolo x reader #barbatos x you #barbatos x reader #solomon x mc #solomon x reader #om! solomon

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edenmemes · 2 years ago

Text

god of war: ragnarok starters

may contain spoilers !

❝ trust? you have broken my trust. ❞ ❝ you seemed troubled in your sleep, even for you. nightmares? ❞ ❝ if you’re not fighting dirty, you’re not fighting, right? ❞ ❝ the worst is still ahead of us. we must be strong. ❞ ❝ it’s times like this i really miss home. ❞ ❝ you must live with your deeds, but do not be troubled by them. ❞ ❝ you don’t strike me as someone who fears death. ❞ ❝ that is not who i am anymore. ❞ ❝ the problem doesn’t have to reach our doorstop to be our responsibility. ❞ ❝ please don’t make me do this. ❞ ❝ the storm is getting worse. ❞ ❝ i’d offer you a hug, but why traumatise either of us further. ❞ ❝ whatever anger you’re feeling, whatever loathing toward me...it’s nothing to what i’ve said to myself. ❞ ❝ i know the hate that burns you from within. i’ve felt those flames...known the comfort of their warmth. ❞ ❝ i do not need you to protect me. ❞ ❝ be glad you have a home to remember fondly. ❞ ❝ you’ve come a long way since i first met you. ❞ ❝ the pain only grows. will i ever be free of it? ❞ ❝ i need you...i can’t do this by myself. ❞ ❝ got a case of pride, i get it. hope yours clears up quicker than mine did. ❞ ❝ you were given an impossible problem. do not blame yourself for failing to solve it. ❞ ❝ you speak of your deeds with shame. ❞ ❝ i wronged you. and i cannot change that...and can never apologise enough for it. ❞ ❝ we do not know what lies ahead. i wish to enjoy the time we have left. ❞ ❝ there is no need to shoulder this burden on your own. ❞ ❝ i suppose that’s all any of us can hope for in the end. that our death has purpose. ❞ ❝ i don’t need to hear about your mistakes. i’ve made enough of my own, thanks. ❞ ❝ some free advice? you don’t want to let anyone catch you talking to your sword. ❞ ❝ you reek of cheap mead and that is by far your most endearing characteristic. ❞ ❝ i expected you to come and find me. that no matter how hurt or angry, you wouldn’t abandon me when i needed you the most. ❞ ❝ you started this fight --- i will end it. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to do this kinda stuff just to keep my mind off things. ❞ ❝ could i ever think of this place as home again? after all that’s happened? ❞ ❝ all too often, people are blinded to all but their immediate self-interest. ❞ ❝ not exactly a calming presence, are you? ❞ ❝ know that all reigns end, and all empires fall. ❞ ❝ do not doubt the lengths i will go to. ❞ ❝ so much has been taken from me and i’m supposed to let it all go? ❞ ❝ if you don’t think i could lead us, just say so. ❞ ❝ i’m not saying anything you haven’t thought. ❞ ❝ there’s no making this right, is there? ❞ ❝ love should be---could be---stronger than hatred. ❞ ❝ it seems to me we share a common enemy. ❞ ❝ i know how bad it can get with one’s own kin. ❞ ❝ seems the only thing i can do right these days is destroy everything around me. ❞ ❝ i am haunted by your incompetence. it keeps me up at night. ❞ ❝ so i’m not allowed to give you a nickname? ❞ ❝ oooh, getting nosey. getting personal. ❞ ❝ that’s the most dangerous and irresponsible thing i’ve ever heard. ❞ ❝ i haven’t given up hope on you. ❞ ❝ i had hoped my days of ceaseless battles were over. ❞ ❝ to grieve deeply is to love fully. ❞ ❝ the truth is always more complicated. to imagine it’s simple is dangerous. ❞ ❝ you're a killer, just like your father. ❞ ❝ you think you just get to walk away? ❞ ❝ uh...someone’ll clean that up. ❞ ❝ i dont know if we’re breaking fate, or fate’s breaking us. ❞ ❝ how can you, of anyone alive, be squeamish about war? ❞ ❝ oh, wow...that’s quite the compliment. ❞ ❝ i grow tired of your lack of empathy. ❞ ❝ to abandon a poisonous path and walk another is no small challenge. ❞ ❝ can i get you a water or something? ❞ ❝ confronting the past comes with a price. ❞ ❝ i want things to be the way they were. ❞ ❝ being in love’s always a risk. that’s what makes it fun. ❞ ❝ i was always fond of our talks, you know. ❞ ❝ curiosity’s all well and good...but so’s privacy, yes? ❞ ❝ whatever you ask, consider it done. i am forever in your debt. ❞ ❝ what’s the biggest thing you’ve ever fought? ❞ ❝ so...was this all that you hoped for? ❞ ❝ the closer we get, the more tightness grows in my chest. ❞ ❝ your path leads to countless deaths. unimaginable pain and suffering. ❞ ❝ can’t you take a joke, you old goat? ❞ ❝ everyone takes it easy on you because they’re scared of your father. ❞ ❝ that’s family. you got to keep them close where they can make you good and crazy. ❞ ❝ maybe, for the moment, you’re of more use to me alive. ❞ ❝ look at the ruins before you and understand the truth: this was your doing. ❞ ❝ forgive me. my words were chosen carelessly. ❞ ❝ my success does not come from luck. ❞ ❝ just shut up and drink. ❞ ❝ no matter the size, every creature has a weakness. ❞ ❝ sometimes we never really know the ones we love. ❞ ❝ tell me about your homeland. ❞ ❝ leadership? not really my strong suit, let’s be honest. ❞ ❝ what am i gonna do, walk around with a bandage on my head, begging for attention? ❞ ❝ why are you so bent on hurting me like this? i’ve done nothing to you. ❞ ❝ you seem like a calm and reasonable person. are you a calm and reasonable person? ❞ ❝ i’ve seen my fair share of bloodshed, but this is an awful lot for one morning. ❞ ❝ if you’re planning on killing me, at least let me finish this song. ❞ ❝ everywhere i look, i am reminded of my mistakes. ❞ ❝ i have seen many lands. many realms. i can tell you with some certainty: no such paradise exists. ❞ ❝ do something about it or shut up already. ❞ ❝ breaking tension with humour is the sacred duty of a travelling companion. ❞ ❝ forgiveness can be powerful. even for the unworthy. ❞ ❝ you have no idea the kind of shit i’ve been through. ❞ ❝ our actions have consequences. to be reminded of them is not a punishment. ❞ ❝ take the hint. go away. ❞ ❝ something is on your mind. what is it? ❞ ❝ what a twisted little soul you have. ❞ ❝ your eyes say everything. ❞ ❝ me and you against the world, huh? just like the old days. ❞ ❝ there is no making things right. only better than they were. ❞ ❝ without me? i thought we were partners. ❞ ❝ this will end in blood. the only question that remains is which side is willing to spill more. ❞ ❝ i have lost myself before. more than once. ❞ ❝ you cannot sneak up on me like that. ❞ ❝ is it always moral to kill something that’s trying to kill you? ❞ ❝ we’ve gotta be more than a bunch of stories with our endings already written. ❞ ❝ the smell is making my eyes burn. ❞ ❝ you are staring... ❞ ❝ even the brightest among us carry darkness. ❞ ❝ anyone ever tell you that you babble when you’re terrified? ❞ ❝ every path i walk...leads back to vengeance. ❞ ❝ maybe our families are just meant to be enemies. ❞ ❝ i know how it feels...to lose a parent. ❞ ❝ your love of this place...i can feel it. anyone can. ❞ ❝ what you can do is get the fuck out of my sight. ❞ ❝ it was stupid of me to hope in the first place. ❞ ❝ is that regret in your voice? ❞ ❝ there are things even gods cannot control. ❞ ❝ you don’t care about anyone beyond yourself. ❞ ❝ say something. i enjoy hearing your voice. ❞ ❝ does it frighten you? that is why you must do it. ❞ ❝ the dumb doesn’t fall far from the tree. ❞ ❝ you’re quite agitated, even for you. ❞ ❝ ain’t you never seen a legend in the flesh before? ❞ ❝ you are one of the few i would call a ‘friend’. ❞ ❝ this place is kinda pretty, when things aren’t trying to kill us. ❞ ❝ i find the hues and shades of your shortcomings almost moving. ❞ ❝ i still might kill you when this is over. ❞ ❝ i wish i could do more, i really do. ❞ ❝ do you ever have those moments where you wish you could...go back? rewrite your own past, make different decisions. ❞ ❝ do you want me to stop talking about your muscles? ❞ ❝ you are a formidable warrior, but even more than that, you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ this world takes more strength than it gave me. ❞ ❝ i’m trying to save your life, you big jerk. ❞ ❝ at least something out here doesn’t wanna kill me. ❞ ❝ i’ll just say it. i’m getting a really terrible feeling from this place. ❞ ❝ violence changes us. you are not weak to feel its effects. ❞ ❝ i’ve always loved you, you know. ❞ ❝ what side are you on anyway? ❞ ❝ everything was fine until you showed up. ❞ ❝ i have been...falling back into my old ways. angry. distrustful. ❞ ❝ one day, you will have to survive. without me. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to like me but...we’re gonna have to trust each other. ❞ ❝ you think war drives me? or power? wealth? no. never has. ❞ ❝ and they say i’m the bad guy. ❞ ❝ you feel it in the air, don’t you? the anxiety. ❞ ❝ i’m not being weird, you’re being weird. ❞ ❝ sure you’re up for breaking the rules like this? ❞ ❝ doubt is a weakness we cannot afford. ❞ ❝ mm. i do not like riddles. ❞ ❝ it just seems like a lot for someone your age. ❞ ❝ use the judgement of a man and not of a child. ❞ ❝ so what are we supposed to do? roll over? do nothing? ❞ ❝ war will not give you the purpose you seek. ❞ ❝ nasty hit! are you alright? ❞ ❝ well, glad you survived the first day. ❞ ❝ what do you think? is there a right side in this war? ❞ ❝ didn’t you ever have an awkward phase in your youth? ❞ ❝ you will not find me good company. ❞ ❝ how about we just don’t kill each other? ❞ ❝ what have your promises ever been worth? ❞ ❝ why would you come this way alone? ❞ ❝ leave now, whether you value your life or peace in your death. ❞ ❝ i put you in so much pain. put you in a terrible situation. ❞ ❝ the most difficult battles are fought within. ❞ ❝ it’s not my job to teach you everything. ❞ ❝ thanks for patching me up. ❞ ❝ loss can do things to a man. ❞ ❝ i don’t know why i thought i could do this alone. ❞ ❝ i will do what it takes to keep you safe. ❞ ❝ a desperate creature can be the most dangerous. ❞ ❝ you’re just sharing your thoughts on a subject you know nothing about. ❞ ❝ this isn’t who you want to be. ❞ ❝ i knew this was going too smoothly. ❞ ❝ can one man do this much damage? ❞ ❝ this is your final warning. ❞ ❝ you have a lot of nerve, know that? ❞ ❝ i am counting on you. to be safe. to be smart. ❞ ❝ uh, maybe that’s not a good idea? ❞ ❝ well, that was violent. ❞ ❝ don’t go to too much trouble on my account. ❞ ❝ are you not a soldier? are you not a leader of people? ❞ ❝ just when i thought you couldn’t get even more godly. ❞ ❝ do you wish to speak of what happened? ❞ ❝ you have no hold on me any more. ❞ ❝ have you ever been in love? ❞ ❝ mind if i give you the best advice you’ve heard all day and possibly ever? sleep. ❞ ❝ you’ll have my wise and faithful counsel always. ❞ ❝ look, i just want to do the right thing. ❞ ❝ all i ask for is a good night’s rest. ❞ ❝ you’re angry with me, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ we live in strange times. ❞ ❝ do you hear that? i thought i heard a voice. ❞ ❝ any outsider is considered a threat. ❞ ❝ it is not always wrong to trust people. ❞ ❝ never thought i’d be so relieved to be back here. ❞ ❝ well, we all make mistakes. ❞ ❝ this is the craziest thing i’ve ever done. ❞ ❝ when we get out of here, i’ll give you some space. ❞ ❝ violence cannot prevent violence. ❞ ❝ the truth can be a cruel thing. ❞ ❝ defy your prophecy at your own peril. ❞ ❝ i must say, i think we make a good team. ❞ ❝ where would you even be without me? ❞ ❝ calm your mind. control it. ❞ ❝ you look...weirder than i imagined. ❞ ❝ we must tread carefully. danger is close. ❞ ❝ there are worse things to discover about someone you love. ❞ ❝ i know how it feels to be wronged. ❞ ❝ did you just wake up with the urge to be a pain in my ass? ❞ ❝ is it revenge if justice is served? ❞ ❝ sometimes there is no other way. ❞ ❝ all journeys come to an end. ❞ ❝ you’re the first person that i’ve talked to in a really long time. ❞ ❝ i’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment. ❞ ❝ so...do you forgive me? ❞ ❝ sorry, i’m just really excited to talk to you. ❞ ❝ is there any way to stop fate? ❞ ❝ it would be the first time in a while i have something truly mine. ❞ ❝ the earth is the reflection of those who tend it. ❞ ❝ i have to say. i am profoundly unimpressed. ❞ ❝ i did not come to you for a lecture. ❞ ❝ perhaps there is a measure of monster inside us all. ❞ ❝ i was about to look for you. ❞ ❝ i said we would speak no more of that. ❞ ❝ peace cannot endure without force to protect it. ❞ ❝ what is it you will not tell me? ❞ ❝ where has everyone gone, i wonder? ❞ ❝ i suppose we’re all entitled to walk our own paths. regardless of where they end. ❞ ❝ you are in way over your head. ❞ ❝ so much about that day i wish i could change. ❞ ❝ it is difficult to seek forgiveness when you feel unworthy. ❞ ❝ i don’t recall asking you to come along. ❞ ❝ don’t you know who i am? ❞ ❝ real power does not need to flaunt. it emerges when the time is right. ❞ ❝ i don’t move, you don’t move. don’t do anything you’ll regret. ❞ ❝ sorry we got off on the wrong foot there. ❞ ❝ i meant it when i said you’re not a prisoner here. ❞ ❝ the culmination of love is grief, and still we open our hearts to the inevitable. ❞ ❝ why aren’t we working together? ❞ ❝ maybe together we can take back what’s ours. ❞ ❝ you don’t hear me spreading your business all around town, do you? ❞ ❝ you judge me? you? ❞ ❝ you think i’m being stupid. ❞ ❝ go before i change my mind. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing but pain. ❞ ❝ always expect the unexpected. ❞ ❝ don’t go telling anyone about that. ❞ ❝ i shouldn’t have listened to you. ❞ ❝ you think my anger is irrational? ❞ ❝ prophecies are slippery by nature. ❞ ❝ seek no quarrel with me, and i’ll have no quarrel with you. ❞ ❝ you’re a destroyer, like me. ❞ ❝ you think i’m trouble? you just met me. ❞ ❝ not sure that makes me feel any better... ❞ ❝ let me see the monster inside. ❞ ❝ i know what you’re doing. trying to play on my sympathies in the hope i let you live. ❞ ❝ i do not want you to feel alone. ❞ ❝ the mistakes of the past need not be repeated. ❞ ❝ never mind...i shouldn’t have asked. ❞ ❝ i regret many things. killing you will not be one of them. ❞ ❝ do you believe in fate? ❞ ❝ you can’t kill what you can’t catch. ❞ ❝ i just could use some fresh air, is all. ❞ ❝ i told you never to come back here. ❞

#roleplay meme #roleplay starters #rp meme #rp starters #long post for ts #gow spoilers #god of war spoilers

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zjasperwrites · 1 year ago

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A Non-Exhaustive List of Tips For Managing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

If you type, write, draw, craft, or do anything with your hands, you are at risk for carpal tunnel! If you're developing any pain, or have none but want to take preventive measures, feel free to try these. I'm not a doctor, but these help my case of severe CTS!

This advice may not apply to everyone, but these are all things you can do without receiving medical care. Yet know that options like pain prescriptions, steroids, and surgery are possible for relief.

Give your hands a break when necessary and feasible. Even just implementing one rest day a week can be extremely beneficial.

Stretch your hands, fingers, arms, and neck regularly. This video can get you started.

Look into a hand massager. I use this one. If your pain is severe, I find massaging before stretching is most effective.

Vary your positions. You can reduce strain by trying differing neutral angles of arm/wrist position while working. Elevation helps.

Use ergonomics. Ones I use include an ergonomic mouse and mousepad, and this support pen from PenAgain.

Explore temperature therapy. Both heat pads or ice packs can be helpful depending on your needs and preferences.

Work on grip strengthening. If you already have CTS pain, be careful, but some wrist/finger exercise can help. I use this tool.

Train yourself to work more gently. Lighten your grip on writing tools, slow down and don't press so hard while typing.

If you already have pain, GET WRIST BRACES. Sleep in them to start, then wear them during the day if needed. You can also...

Try out k-tape. I personally get more pain if I use a brace 24/7, so this k-tape wrap is nice for day-time support.

Look into finger splints too. Finger hypermobility or exertion can strain wrists much more quickly, especially when typing.

Compression gloves also help. These are my "lowest tier" for support when my pain is mildest.

Get comfortable with voice-typing. Adjusting to this can be hard, but its an excellent way to keep writing without hurting yourself.

Especially if you have severe pain, consider tools marketed at amputees. Obviously be mindful of the resources you take up, but accessibility tools are for anyone who needs them. When my pain is at my worst, I am unable to use my arm/hand and can't even raise it, so tools to facilitate one-handed use are helpful.

And finally, not so much a tip, but a warning. Most likely, you'll get CTS pain in your dominant hand first. When that happens, do not switch to your non-dom hand and continue on. That hand is not in the clear, its next. Implement treatment and management in both hands, and use your non-dom hand when necessary while not overworking it either. Don't let yourself fall into denial because you can "get by" without adjustments. I promise the initial ability to keep working without inconvenience is not worth developing CTS in both hands lol.

If anyone else has advice please add on! I live as a walking warning to my husband who crochets to take care of his hands, so here's to hoping I can help others too!

#writeblr #carpal tunnel #disability #crochetblr #artblr #accessibility #chronic pain

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starsinkpop · 6 months ago

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ATEEZ Park Seonghwa Tarot Reading - Ideal Type

Disclaimer: I do tarot readings for fun, so please read them with a grain of salt. Don’t take my words too seriously and just keep an open mind. Tarot is a divination tool that can’t predict the future, as every single individual has their own will and makes their own decisions. Tarot is not a fixed fate. It should be seen as a guidance and a good friend that just has your best interest and gives you advice when needed. I’m not putting anyone in my readings on a pedestal nor am I trying to harm anyone. One last side note, I’m not a native speaker, so please excuse any wrong spellings or poor grammar.

Date of Reading: May 26th 2024

Decks: Edgar Allan Poe Tarot

Their Personality - VII The Chariot, XIV Temperance (R), VI The Lovers (R)

Seonghwa’s ideal type is committed, determined and holds a lot of strength. He loves someone who has a certain duality to themself, like being cute on one side but also very powerful and strong on the other. His ideal partner loves to travel the world and explore new things on the regular. They love to take action when he’s hesitant. His ideal partner won’t shy back from challenges and encourages him to do the same.

Seonghwa is into someone who’s a bit more extreme. It seems like he wants someone who’s challenging him in way. Like someone he can not have from the beginning. Someone who is very free and independent and hard to pin down. He feels drawn to people who aren’t interested in him, maybe even ignore him. Seonghwa’s ideal type could be the complete opposite of him. Also I’m getting the vibe of someone who’s naturally has relationship or trust issues.

His ideal type is someone who could be detached from reality and has a hard time finding harmony. It’s giving “I can fix them” vibe on Seonghwa’s side tbh. He is also into someone who’s an underdog. Someone being completely misunderstood by society. He’d be into someone who doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship, thinking he could change their mind in a way. A forbidden fruit.

Physical Appearance - III The Empress (R), Two of Swords (R), Queen of Pentacles (R)

Seonghwa’s ideal type has a certain imbalance about their look. Like some asymmetrical facial features, or a style that doesn’t match their face. His ideal type could have some messy hair or a bit of a messy style. But still look somewhat expensive. He as well could feel drawn to a person with a more sick complexion, deep under eye bags, maybe more on the slimmer or bit overweight side. There’s also something artificial and overindulging about their look. So maybe for example some outstanding nails or plastic surgeries. The cards are talking about neglecting yourself but also overindulging in material stuff. He could be into body hair or/and facial hair. His ideal type is someone older than him or just giving off a more mature and experienced vibe.

For general style I see someone who’s combining clothes that usually wouldn’t really match or society wouldn’t see as a good combo. Similar to Hongjoong, his ideal type loves ripped or stained clothes to get a somewhat used look going. Giving off some rebellious, anti glamorous energy.

•••

Love, Nicky 🫧

Masterlist

#ateez #ateez tarot #kpop #kpop tarot #seonghwa #ateez tarot reading #kpop tarot reading #park seonghwa #seonghwa tarot reading #seonghwa tarot #tarot #tarot reading

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guesswhojusttt · 5 months ago

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someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little? (love me a little?)

Ren Hana x suicidal!reader

Summary:

You work at a suicide hotline, and get a call from a boy who watches too much anime. It's all downhill from there.

Full story on AO3

Chapter 1: she's my mother, I tell him, but she has never been a mother

Summary:

“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.”

― Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath

(Note: the text messages are formatted weird on tumblr but are coded into looking like phone texts on AO3)

You sit at your desk- a quick turn in your black spinny chair- and push on a pressure point at the meat of your thumb in a little attempt to calm down. Pull on your headset, adjust the mic, and speak as kindly as you can. “Hey, I’m right here to support you- this is a judgment-free, safe space, and everything you share is entirely confidential and anonymous. You don’t even have to share your name unless you feel comfortable. What’s on your mind?”

“Are you busy right now?” The boy- young man?- is anxious, skittish.

“No, I’m available to talk as long as you need.”

“Okay, but when you do get busy, you’ll tell me, right? If there’s- if there's someone else waiting on the line, and all the phones are occupied so no one picks up- I’d never forgive myself for taking help away from someone who actually deserves it. So if- if someone calls in, let me know and I’ll hang up, okay?”

“Okay.” You say. You will not, of course, hang up on a suicidal caller, but the guilt of using a resource they don’t ‘deserve’ wasn’t entirely uncommon. So many had started the call with I’m not suicidal so I don't even know why I’m calling, but… or I know I’m hogging something people actually need…

“Because, you know. There’s so many poor people and I’m- not. All these horrible stories about- about a spouse who hits you or having to work two jobs just to make ends meet- but I’m not- I’m privileged. Lucky. So I don’t… I really don’t know why I feel… I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.” You imagine him pulling the hem of his sleeves over his hands, wringing them, white-knuckled.

“Well, you don’t need to compare yourself to others.” You speak slowly, calmly, doing your best to soothe him. “Death by one bullet or death by a dozen is still death, yeah? Your problem is just as important as anyone else’s.”

“But it’s… silly. There’s this guy I met and- he’s like the only one who listens to me, but I’m not sure- he’s older, you know, and I don’t- it’s not like I like him like that, but my family doesn’t care about- and it's not like I have any friends- he seems nice. I think. I’m not sure.” It's like he's typing up a message, erased the whole thing, wrote a new one, backspaced, scrapped it and started from scratch again.

“I can’t give you any advice-”

“But what would you do?”

“I’m not permitted to tell you what to do-”

“I just need a second opinion. An unbiased, third party. It’s… something feels off, but he’s unlike anyone I’ve ever known.” He huffs, sheepish. “Mostly because he’s the only person who’s bothered knowing me.”

You want to point out that it sounds codependent, that the other person is taking advantage of his desperation, that isn’t this grooming, but you inject as much understanding, as much sympathy, as you can into your voice. Judgment-free, as you’d promised. “And why does something feel off?”

“It just does. But, like… who cares about being safe, you know? Isn’t it better to be loved? Not that I love him, I hardly know him. But… he listens. No one ever listens. Um- no offense. You don’t count since it’s your job.”

“I understand,” you assure gently, “I know how important it is to have a friend. It’s normal to want to connect to anyone, even if that person doesn’t feel safe, or reliable.”

He babbles without breathing, as if scared he’ll be interrupted, or shut down, if he doesn’t let it all out at once. “Exactly- see, exactly, you get it. And it’s like- if I don't do this, I don’t know what else I’ll do. I was about to kill myself, you know? Because my date didn’t show, and this was like- this was my last shot, my one chance at having someone who loves and supports me, to have a relationship and- I've been waiting three hours here, how pathetic is that? But he came and saw I’d been stood up and let me whine about my problems and- part of me wants to just keep talking to him, go with him, but the other part… but if I don’t, that’s it. He’s my last chance, and I’ll just kill myself. So I’m in the bathroom of the restaurant now and he’s out there at my table and I’m huddled in a stall like a loser and I’m still- still not sure if he’s someone I’m- so I called here instead.”

“And I’m so proud of you for doing that.” You pour your sincerity in, and you mean it. You lean forward a little, fingers idly working at your palm’s pressure point to keep yourself, and your voice, calm. “It can be incredibly hard to reach out for help, to open up to a stranger, and you’ve done such a wonderful job for me so far. This man- he’s making you uncomfortable?”

“No, no- I mean, yes, I’m uncomfortable, but it’s not his fault. He’s really kind, actually, I mean I know it sounds weird but I swear he’s a nice guy. And like, if it’s a choice between going home alone, again-" and there's so much weight in that again, the heaviness of years of frustration and isolation and raw misery, "and how many nights and months and years can one person spend alone before they just- they just need someone? So if it’s a choice between a- a sweet guy and just- just offing myself-”

“May I ask if you still intend to end your life tonight?” You wince. You're generally not supposed to interrupt, supposed to give them the space to say everything they need to, but this guy is barreling on like his words are pus, are vomit, that he just needs to hurl up.

“No. Yes. Maybe. I… it depends. On the guy I mentioned. Some part of me thinks I should cut contact, but mostly want so badly to talk to him again. I don't know how to describe it. It's not like having a crush. It’s like… I just want him to make me feel important again.”

“Your importance is unchangeable regardless of who recognizes it or not, and no one can make you important, but naturally, all humans require external love and affection to feel it.” Your finger twitches over your mouse, considering flagging your supervisor that the caller was in danger, at-risk of some- what? Attack? Criminal? An ill-thought-out one-night stand? “Of course you want him to make you feel important- but do you feel like you’re risking your safety?”

“A little. Well. A lot. But what’s life without a little risk, right?" He chuckles self-deprecatingly, dry and bitter. "I’m just- a shut-in, watching stupid anime and reading manga all day and collecting dumb figurines and- the riskiest thing I’ve done is drinking too many energy drinks so I could stay up for a Kamisama Kiss marathon. I think… isn’t it about time I step out of my comfort zone?”

You're patient, you're kind, you're not enough. “Like I mentioned, I’m in no position to provide advice. However, we can come up with a safety plan, if you'd like? If you stay alive tonight, you can sleep on it and have a clear head to decide in the morning.”

Here’s what you should’ve done.

You should’ve flagged your supervisor. Should’ve messaged her: I think the caller might be in danger of harm from others. He has repeatedly mentioned an unsafe, unreliable man. While he hasn’t provided details, he has reported feelings of unease and uncertainty. The caller is young and has stated the man is older, and I want to ensure his safety and well-being. Your supervisor would have told you what to say- maybe to steer the caller away from the strange man- and he would’ve been okay. He would’ve been fine, and you would’ve been fine, and none of this would happen.

But all you’d done is established the next steps, a “what are your physical needs? Do you feel up for food, drinking something, or taking a shower?”

“I… don’t feel like getting water. I do have some ramune I ordered though, at my table.”

“That’s great!” You encourage. Little steps should always be rewarded, you think. “Being hydrated is good; doesn’t have to be water. Is there anything you usually do to soothe yourself?”

“Well, I… watching anime is great, but if I really wanna take my mind off things, I like to..." he trails off, a little shyly. Embarrassed, even.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me, but as long as your hobby is fun for you, that's what matters." From collecting and naming rocks to editing and monitoring all the Wikipedia pages about the Odyssey, every caller- every person- had their own way of self-soothing.

"I know it's... a moronic waste of time, but I... sketch some self-insert OCs.”

“Drawing is very creative, and I know it can take a lot of time and effort, too. Give yourself some credit. Do you feel up for that tonight?”

“Yeah. I guess. Thanks. I think it’s best to go home, now, I’ve been at the restaurant an embarrassing amount of time anyway. Um- thanks for- being cool about all this. Bye.”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He would end up talking to the man again after all, going home with him, and wreck his life- and yours- in the process.

You jam your index finger deeper into the pressure point at the base of your thumb:

Lonely since you were a child, you filled it with what many do: video games. A hopeless romantic, you filled the need for a relationship with otome games specifically. One of them, bad boys do it better, had this scene: the strong-but-silent love interest finds the main character, the only girl at an all-boys’ school, sleepy and yawning in the classroom. He takes her hand, presses a pressure point on her palm, and she feels all invigorated and awake.

Considering you, yourself, were constantly sleep-deprived, you decided to look it up for yourself: it wasn't a fluke. Give yourself an acupressure wake-up, one article reads, 6 pressure points for falling asleep, Medical News Today lists. It becomes a hyperfixation: pressure points for period cramps, for headaches, for high blood pressure. When you’re motion sick in a car, you massage a point in your inner arm to soothe it, when the Tylenol and Advil don’t make your migraines go away, you try a pressure point between your eyes, or at the side of your brow.

Honestly, it doesn’t always work- maybe half the time?- but it’s a cool party trick. Or, would be, if you got invited to parties.

As you type up the basic information of the call (reason for calling, next steps established, suicidal risk from 1-5), you think about how everyone is suicidal, actually. There’s so many YouTube playlists- for when you want to disappear, alone… again, one more night feeling like the loneliest person in the world, when loneliness no longer a pain but a comfort, suicide at 3AM, it’s getting worse again and it’s all your fault, slowly dying- where the comment section of vent playlists and lo-fi hours are flooded with paragraphs of people either pouring out their life’s trauma or comforting words to gently encourage the reader to live another day. There’s suicide hotlines and textlines and 7 cups of tea and a steep increase in people seeking therapy this past decade, because everyone is depressed, because there’s a housing crisis and all-time highs both for poverty rates and billionaire’s incomes and and and

There isn’t really a reason to live, anymore. No dream house to look forward to, no shiny career as a writer or actor or artist or teacher when they’re so severely underpaid, no true love soulmate when there’s no third place to meet people anymore, except a bar or a club which is really just a chance to be drugged and date-raped.

So, no. You don’t think you’re depressed, you don’t think most people are depressed; rather, you think the world itself is in a very depressing state, which naturally leads to its inhabitants mirroring its circumstances.

Well. You might be a tiny bit suicidal, but not depressed. Not really. From fantasizing about running away from home since you were eight to constantly imagining grabbing a bag and getting out of here through every single middle and high school year to the crushing disappointment of not affording a dorm and having to live with her throughout university and then, in some twisted, cruel fate, having to stay even while you work because she has chronic pain and can't work, won't work, and wouldn't you be ableist for leaving someone on so many medications to fend for themselves?

So you work and you pay the rent and the groceries and the bills and it all goes to her bank account. Oh, sure, the account is under your name (and somehow that's worse, it's your credit score it's affecting), but it's her email and her phone number and she won't tell you the password and she's taken out some loan and your account is 4000 in debt and there's some 15% APR platinum whatever and and and

It's not your money. You don't get to spend it, and yet you wake up and drag yourself to work even when exhausted and sit through eight grueling hours and then there’s no reward, no payoff, nothing but heading home to the same arguments and abuse and fighting and yelling and you decide, realize, in an awful epiphany, that you're not getting out. You're never getting out.

Because it’ll only get worse. She'll grow older, and even if there's no Alzheimer's or dementia, aging will hit her- maybe she'll need a walking stick (she already uses one sometimes), or a wheelchair, or you'll need to be the one feeding her, and you'll only have to do more, more, more-

You're never going to be free. You'll be shackled to your abuser from womb to tomb.

You’re never getting out. The only solution- the quickest, easiest solution- is to kill yourself. Except that’s a sin, so you can’t. It doesn’t stop you from wishing for it, romanticizing it- all of which is so deeply, wickedly ironic, as your job is to keep others from fulfilling your greatest desire. Callers blur together- my dad is an alcoholic and I’ve never heard a kind word from him, my little sister’s dead and I can’t get over it, I’ll never get over it- and every day, you soothe them, help them establish a safety plan, connect them to resources for mental health- peer support groups and affordable, sliding-scale therapists and a million other ways to help them, to keep them alive, even while you so deeply ache to die, yourself.

Some never call again, and you hope that means things are better, now. That they found a reason to live. Some are regular callers- maybe you don’t speak to them every time, but it shows up on your screen- that they’ve called four times this year, that the last time they were calling it was about academic stress and this time it’s about the loneliness of summer vacation, and it- kills you, that you can’t help everyone. Can’t save everyone. Once, halfway through a conversation where the caller had been pouring her heart out- about how she’d thrown away her life, how she’d studied and worked so hard to be a doctor but then got married to a man who insisted she stay home to raise their first kid, then their third, then their fifth, and now her degree is twenty years old and she’s got this huge gap in her resume and no one wants to hire her and there’s a new baby, again, and she wishes she could just- oh, what’s the point? (And you hear a pill bottle rattling). It’s never going to get better, and there’s nothing you can tell me that’ll change anything. Sorry for wasting your time.

And she hung up, and never called again, and you can only hope, but never know, that she hadn’t taken the pills.

And though you felt like a hypocrite, the truth is, you really do believe the things you say. When you assure a caller that he’s not too demented to deserve to live, when you encourage his love for plants and say "staying alive just because no one else will love and take care of your plants the way you do isn't ridiculous, Lawrence. Tending to and watering your plants is a perfectly valid reason to live", you mean it. You do.

Somehow, none of the words you tell others seem to apply to you.

You don’t how many months or years pass like this, this blurry awful misery. The call with the anxious boy at the restaurant blends with the thousands you’ve gotten since then. You fought about- something, this morning, with your mother. Some biting remarks about you being an idiot or ungrateful, some mumbled apologies on your end, but when she calls you spoiled you remind her “you’re not doing me a favor by driving me to work- it’s not like driving me to a sleepover where I’m doing it for fun. This is our only source of income, and you can’t just not drive me, because who else is going to pay for a roof and a meal?”

Her face contorts, as it always does, to that indignant snarl. “You think I have to drive you? I don’t have to do anything. I don’t owe you anything. I’m your mother, it's your job to look after me. You can’t neglect me: that’s abuse.”

You sigh. Not mad. Not even irritated. Just... just whatever. “You do have to drop me off here, or else I miss a whole day’s pay and how am I going to cover your medical bills?”

“Are you threatening me? How dare you?” She hisses, slamming on the pedal- to prove a point, driving past your workplace.

“Slow down. I'm getting out.” At this point, at this age, you get fed up quickly, skipping right from fear to anger to just being done. You click open the door, scan the grey sidewalk blurring, passing by- slipping through your fingers, you think vaguely, like your life.

“Close the door, you moron, I’m not paying for your surgery if you split your skull open.”

“You couldn’t if you wanted to, but glad to know!” You gauge the ground, stick one leg out, the other one too, and-

Walk the distance left to work.

Sometimes, you can’t believe this is your life. You’d worked hard, damn it, and you’re a good person, so why isn’t the world good back to you? Why are you still stuck here, with her?

How immature, you think. How childish do you have to be to drive past your daughter's work- which you need, for money, for survial- just to spite her. And you know the moment she picks you up from work she'll be yelling through the car ride home, and then when you enter the apartment, and all through the night. Your coworkers often found working at a suicide hotline emotionally taxing, and looked forward to weekends and holidays as a break from the stress, but- for you, work was your safe haven.

As you talk down someone who's maybe ten minutes away from throwing themselves off a roof, your phone vibrates. Again. And again.

000-000-0000 Yesterday 10:15 PM if you go to sleep and die tonight, you're going to Hell Today 9:05 AM Why? Why are you doing this to me? Don't worry, I won't touch your money and I won't take anything from you. I won't even eat from the food we have anymore since it's all been bought with your money like you said Idk why you have been doing this You want me to stay miserable and under our control and do exactly what you want. Why are you doing this to me? Why? Why?

You don't have her saved as a contact, so you only see her phone number. It feels wrong to title her 'mom', when that word carries all these connotations of unconditional love and gently braiding your hair and a warm bowl of soup on a sick school day. She has nothing to do all day, is the thing, just rewatching Friends for the 60th time or knitting- so she texts you, and can get all worked up and have a full fight and conversation all by herself, without you needing to lift a finger. Simply existing, you think, is enough to warrant the torrent of abuse.

You get a call and shut off your phone, slipping right into your sweet, soothing voice as you greet a young girl with a razor in hand. You reassure her, hear her out (no, there's nothing wrong with wanting to leave, I understand you want to help him but if he's abusing you, you need to help yourself first), and transfer her to the employment assistance department, where they can help her set up her resume and cover letter and get out of living with him. Your break is spent in the bathroom doing breathing exercises to calm down, your lunch is spent mindlessly scrolling through Dead Dove: Do Not Eat recommendations, and you almost know what you're about to read before you turn on your phone.

000-000-0000 Today 4:18 PM Don't act like you are this innocent, sweet, little wonderful person You always do horrible thing so don't play this victim role again I'm exhausted of those games you keep playing Like when you were a baby, you'd cry in your room just to manipulate me into picking you up. I didn't fall for it obviously but you're still playing the same mind games Acting so pure and innocent Stop being so cruel and get back to your senses Once you are ready to apologize, maybe I'll pick you up from work. Otherwise have fun sleeping there

It's as good a chance as any, you decide. You had a bag under your desk for precisely this chance, but always chickened out at the last minute. But this is an opportunity to not be at home without her questioning it...

So you'd done it. You'd finally done it. The good thing about not having control over your own money- not even knowing the credit card number or the password for your account- is that you don't have very many things. Oh, you have clothes and little knick-knacks, but they're easy to pack. To zip up, to stuff snacks and-

You need your IDs. Your passport, your social security. She had them just a few weeks ago, but eventually, when she was in a good mood, you'd mustered up the courage to ask for them. Why do you need them? Just need to take a picture for this one job I'm applying to. It'll pay more than this one.

You'd tucked them into your bag too, and while most people would find it safer to store their things at home than at work, the space under your desk was guaranteed to remain untouched, while your bedroom didn't have a lock.

You don't know how to drive- she never taught you, and driver's lessons cost money you don't get to control- and public transport is spotty at best. You've never been fit, getting winded after five minutes of walking and legs aching after 10, and you realize quickly that this is inefficient and you've gotta find a way to at least be out of the city so you don't risk her finding you, somehow.

Where do the homeless, the elderly, the disabled, the lost go to for resources, go to be pointed in the right direction?

Actually, it would be the masjid, but you know your mother would go there.

You go to the library, sit down in a big, drooping bean bag chair, and breathe.

It was exhilarating. Scary and risky and dumb, yes, but what a relief! Finally, what you've been dreaming every single day for two decades, finally, you're no longer collared and leashed, finally, you get to start some flimsy attempt at being an independent adult, finally-

You need to open your own bank account. You click on one of the library monitors, leaning in to the computer and Googling banks. Chase. Schwab. Wells Fargo. Credit unions. Everyone has bad experiences with every bank, based on Reddit, but then one comment points out that all banks are the same. Just a place to keep your money, as long as you don't rack up overdraft fees or debt.

You'd actually tried opening your own bank account before, back in February, because this isn't the first time you've been hard-hit with the need to run away. You'd tried to sign up for Chime, which, ironically, while supposed to be for people who need money when in a tight position, had rejected your application- possibly for not having a credit score (?). Someone online too had posted that it's ironic the very site for people in a bind still wouldn't accept those who were, you know, actually in a bind.

You'd researched on banks without interests, found someone on Reddit asking it, and someone who worked at Schwab had detailed how to call someone and ask for a certain tier and walk them through giving a no-interest account.

It had been great. You signed up. You never verified it (or did you? You don't think you did), and now, when calling, they said they had closed your account because your social security number didn't match the other information, that you would have to take a W9 to a physical location so they can confirm your social and go from there.

You try to sign up for Chase, except it needs a driver's license or state ID, and you have neither. You try to sign up for Wells Fargo, but it needs a valid phone number, and you don't have a phone plan, only e-numbers, so it doesn't accept it.

You're almost tempted to ask a librarian. You'd seen posts about librarians helping someone who's drunk or unstable or homeless, but- they're not social workers. This isn't their job, you don't want to inconvenience them and it's- embarrassing. This is all so embarrassing. You're a grown adult, why don't you have everything together by now?

Ok. No bank account. Maybe you can use PayPal? Just for now? You'll need to afford public transportation, and a deposit for a new apartment- better to be with roommate, so you don't have to pay the $300 non-refundable application fee, to have to provide a reference from your previous landlord, so a roommate is necessary, non-negotiable, because your previous apartment...

It had been under your name, of course, since it's your income. But your mother was furious at them for charging one (or five?) thousand dollars, either for moving out before the lease was over or for the security deposit or whatever, but she insisted you stop taking out the trash. When she saw you trying to take a bag, she- well, she yelled as she always does. The bathroom and kitchen and everything were trashed, and you did your best to sweep up your room, your bathroom to hallway, to clean up-

But the kitchen was a mess, and the dining area (which was just the cats' area), had an overflowing litter box and a giant pile of dozens for overflowing, near-bursting trash bags. The smell was awful, fruit flies and all sorts hovering and buzzing and oozing everywhere, but your mother in her spite insisted to leave it untouched. That they should clean it up themselves.

So. No recommendation from that landlord, which means find a roommate who already has a lease, and then that new landlord can give you a recommendation when you get your own apartment.

How to find a roommate who'd take someone with not a single dollar- unemployed, now, since you were leaving the city with your job in it- nothing to offer, except maybe cooking and cleaning, which you hated as you find chores menial and redundant- why bother making your bed or folding your clothes when they'd be unfolded, your bed unmade, just some hours later? It doesn't make sense. It's a waste of time.

Cooking, too, feels tedious and unrewarding. An hour of cooking for ten minutes of eating? No thank you.

Your best bet is to get a job, and use that to get a roof over your head. Till then, all sorts of food banks and shelter can give you enough food in your stomach to keep your back upright enough, mind alive enough, to start the job-hunting agony.

But this job requires a driver's license and a personal vehicle, and this job requires you to be physically there in person, you'd apply to jobs all over so couldn't possibly be in all places at once. You sit in the library till your leg falls asleep, foot staticky, neck hunched over, finger cramping, mindlessly applying for 100 jobs, 200 jobs. Something has to give. Just statistically speaking, one of them has to respond.

Right? Right?

But the library closes too early, and cafes and restaurants close down too, and you can't exactly take refuge in a 24-7 convenience or grocery store.

You could try a fast food place, then? A bar?

Not a bar. Never a bar. Way too many stories about what happens to dumb, defenseless girls in a bar too late at night.

It's your first night out alone and you need a place to sleep, but the nearest shelter is an hour and a half of walking and you're just- you need to rest your eyes and wrists from hours of staring at the computer screen, need to sit down and eat and you're entering the first fast food restaurant you find. Electric blue and neon orange lights dazzle the windows and invite you in, a cracked black leather bench in the corner your beloved refuge. It's a little maddening, a little torturous, to sit and smell the grease and that fat and hear the sizzles and hisses but be unable to do a thing about the saliva pooling your mouth, coating your tongue. Your stomach grumbles, a dying whale, the aroma of cheap burgers and oily fries flooding your nostrils.

You're this close to burying your head in your hands and sobbing. Yes, you have snacks in your bag, but you'd grazed on them absently while running your job application marathon.

You've never been very good with hunger. While others around you can have just breakfast, lunch, and dinner- while they can sit at their 8-and-a-half-hour shift at work and eat only during the 30 minute lunch break, you were always eating at your desk. Answering emails, in between phone calls, you're always, constantly hungry. Nothing you eat ever seems to be enough- maybe because you don't actually eat sufficiently, don't eat enough in a day adequate enough to fulfill your needs- so your stomach always feels empty.

But now, it actually is empty, and the void makes it impossible to focus on anything but the hunger. To think rationally. To consider maybe shoplifting, and at least if they arrest you there'll be food in prison, right?

Right?

Your stomach groans again, as frustrated with your situation as you are, and you think you really will cry. The smell of the cheese, the meat, the cheap beer-

You didn't know this place sold beer.

It doesn't. You've seen the menu a million times. You lift your hand, eyes darting to catch the culprit-

The only other customer this late at night is a man seated at the bench before yours. You see him hunched over a gloriously loaded double-burger- the colors of pale green lettuce and bright red tomatoes enchant you, and a dollop of thick mayo dribbles down the flaky sesame-seed bun, splatting onto the crinkly paper wrapper on the shiny black table.

A slash of envy sears through you. You need that burger more than he does, need that large Styrofoam cup of soda with the cold condensation along its sides infinitely more than him, and you're hit with a desire to snatch it. You know, logically, you can't take him in a fight, but like. What do you have to lose?

He catches you staring.

If you weren't so hungry, you'd be embarrassed, even apologize, but as it is your eyes linger on the grease shining on his thick fingers, on the smear of too-orange cheese dashed along the corner of his lip.

He raises a slightly bushy, brown eyebrow. It's the same cheap beer brown of his eyes, which are a little wide, a little giddy.

You squirm, uncomfortable, pinned by his gaze like a butterfly- a moth- to a corkboard. "You wan' some?" His mouth is a little full, but even so you catch the lilt of a German accent just beneath his voice.

"Oh, no, I-" heat smarts your face, but he interrupts you, jovial and inviting,

"Your stomach, I'm sure, begs to differ. Come on, I can order you whatever you like, bud."

Bud was... less harassing, less off-putting, than sweetheart or baby or the assorted nicknames drunken men hollered at anything with a rack and two legs. if you ignore his too-cheerful grin, the little manic glint and gleam of his eyes, the use of bud would put you at ease.

But you can't ignore it, and it doesn't, and you get to your feet to leave. "Thanks, but I'm okay. I'll just make some dinner at home."

"No need to be shy! It's okay to rely on the kindness of strangers," he stands up too, already ambling to the counter to order for you, "large fries, a vanilla shake, and a hearty double bacon cheeseburger for my new friend."

"Oh, um, I prefer chocolate, actually." You felt half-guilty for being picky, and half-incensed that he ordered for you without consulting. You don't even eat bacon.

The cashier- her dreads tied back in a loose ponytail, her red shirt uniform with a crooked name tag- clicks her tongue. "So is it vanilla or chocolate?"

"Vanilla. Right, buddy?'' His grin is big and cheerful and encouraging, nudging, nagging. Almost instinctively, you find your shoulders rounding tighter, find your body curling to make yourself smaller.

"Right."

He's- satisfied? Almost proud with the way he pats your shoulder, like you passed some unspoken test by deferring to his choice, rather than holding your ground.

(Maybe it would've been better to fail it).

She rings up your (his, really) order, nails click-clacking as she types, Strade ripping the small slip of receipt and- it really is tiny, in his large palm, all thick fingers and brown hair curling over the back of his hand. When he crumples the paper, his veins sort of- do a kind of pulsing thing you think you like.

But you still don't like how he ordered for you, how he insisted on a flavor you don't prefer. You know it was intentional.

You just can't figure out why.

He picks up the navy tray for you, and that irks you, too: why don't you get to carry your own food? What, is he going to hand-feed you too?

You sit across from him, and when you unwrap the yellow-and-white checkered paper, scrunching it up- the combined scent of the fat and oil and meat is enough to haze over any apprehension, any irritation you might have had, quelled by knowing this sandwich- large enough you pick it up with both hands- is for you.

You pluck out a strip of crispy bacon and offer it to him, a sort of olive branch. He takes it- thumb and forefinger pinching it, and smiles lazily.

"I haven't seen you here before."

"Yeah." You bite into the sandwich, not elaborating. No need to. If you could, you'd maybe nick his credit card- it wouldn't be nice considering he just fed you for the night, but you could stick it in an ATM, get the cash out before he calls the bank to close the card, and- he'd be fine. He'll be fine. You need the money more than he does. But how to pickpocket without him noticing-?

"Something bothering you?" He asks, dipping a long, limp fry into a shallow well of thick ranch. "It's easier to talk about it to a stranger, you know? That way you don't have to worry about it changing your relationship with them, or their judgment, because you won't see them again."

"Hm." It was a good point. But if you've never told anyone else about it, were you really about to trauma dump to some eccentric stranger?

"I don't mind, really, and I can tell you need it."

"Oh, yeah? How?"

"Something about it in the eyes."

"You really wanna know?"

"Of course, buddy, I'm all ears. I love helping people!"

"Fine." You smack your hands flat on the table, get up, and sit next to him. Up close, the musk of cheap beer mixes with sweat and grease in the world's strangest cologne.

You glare at your phone, click it on, and let him read over your shoulder.

000-000-0000 Today 2:04 AM It's all about you and if something doesn't go like how your majesty wants or likes then it's all bad I'm not a fan of drama and I can't tolerate entitled brats like you who thinks the world owes them something just for breathing Guess what? You are the abusive one and always have been. From this point on I will not take orders from you You have no idea how hard it is to be your mother. I sacrificed my LIFE for you. Do you know how painful it is to give birth? Every day I was pregnant with you was torture, and it as even worse when you were born. I had to stay up all day feeding you and all night putting you to sleep. You were a NIGHTMARE. I thought you'd grow out of it but I guess you're still a baby I have done so much for you and I have been through so much and you have no idea

He reads quietly- thinking, analyzing- and breaks into a positively delighted smile. You can't tell if it's the grin a groom dons on his wedding day or the grin a dog bares before cornering its prey. "Oh, mein schätzelein. You're perfect."

You eat in amicable company, and it's- nice. It is lovely, actually, to have dinner with someone you're not scared of, someone you don't have to worry about setting off or angering or harming you. Strade is- a little weird, sure, but a nice guy. You give him your bacon, he gives you a ketchup packet to squeeze onto your fries, and you let him scroll through days and weeks of your mother's texts and felt a twinge of validation every time he said something like "can't blame you for running away", a rush of satisfaction, of vindication, of it's not just me, I'm not crazy, she really is abusive, it wasn't just me being entitled after all. You find yourself inching a little closer to him every time he makes a remark like, "isn't she aware it's her job to take care of you, not the other way around?"

Something incredible blooms between your rib cage and behind it, making your cheeks flush and your fingertips tingle and your eyes sting just a bit. No one had ever bothered to hear you out, to just sit there and make biting, almost cruel comments about your mother with every text he read, to make you feel so important. You half-wish you could work up the courage, could be bold enough to tell him that you didn't have a place to put your head down tonight, just so he could offer, just so you could have an excuse to spend more time with him.

You sweep up the trash and crumpled straw wrappers while he returns his tray and yours and it's wonderful. Even if you can't go home with him, you almost want to make this a routine, make it so you can meet up every week, on a melancholy evening like this, and exchange bad food while he listens and provides a (strong, broad) shoulder.

He's just such a good listener.

~~~~

Author's notes:

Mein Schätzelein = My little treasure The parallel of the chapter starting with Ren thinking and feeling the exact same way MC does at the end of the chapter,,, buckle in folks Look, basically I want 1) to torture strade and 2) to save ren. However there's pretty much zero (0) fics about it so that means rolling up my sleeves, learning how to do the work skin that lets me insert phone-texting into the chapter, and doing it myself. Comment whatever thoughts you have and thanks for reading <33 ~~~ Also, while we're all little freaks that might enjoy a bit of horror, a quick reminder that in real life there's actual horrors going in the world- specifically, the genocide Palestine. Please take a moment to email and/or call your representatives , click-to-donate (free, donation revenue via ads), check out the boycott list, do what little things you can to help.

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