#so if I ruin it myself then it wont hurt as bad

[perfectfuckups]

Honestly I've had a really good week all things considered but the urge to self-destruct is so high rn.

[mrfoox]

Another one of those ... 'i' ve been lucky' but... Having ASD really makes you easier to manipulate and use and I feel I've been fortune to not have come across anyone who have done such to me...

[nightfallsystem-moved]

Tw vent in tags

[dolliestfairy]

COD characters headcanons with chubby reader ❀

-

༊ Cw : Fem!reader, Fluff fluff fluff & fluffs, a little spice in könig & horangi, mentions of hurting (not from or for reader), stretch marks mentioned, boobeh & booteh mentioned, a lil tiny bity of breeding kink in horangi's part. Chubby Woc Readers (theres no skintone of reader mentioned. only skin texture & body shape.)

·*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

୨୧ Ghost

- Really love the opposite body shape you both had, imagine this; he's big and muscular, whiel you're simply plump nd small .. (unless ur tall, in that case you're plump & tall lol<3)

- and dont get me started cud this man loooovessss cuddling with u like godddd~

- but he wont admit it anyway.

- really love to grab your plump belly harshly and then jst like pulling it & playing it out bcs he thinks its cute lmao

- really loves how warm your body can get. loves to hug you when he's in fever (🥹)

୨୧ Price

- this old fashioned man really looves to see you in different type of clothes.

- if you buy some new piece of clothes u bet ur ass he'll be there seeing you trying your new clothes.

- dont get me wrong here, he just loves seeing you compliment urself in the mirror, cus no woman of his will be uncomfortable with her own body ✨

- really support you no matter what your decision is.

- if you'll ever decide to lose some weight he'll let you although he would be sad because he realize he will lose his favorite pillow. which is your bellies. <3

- also another sucker for cuddles, this man love cuddles like its a piece of china.

୨୧ Konig

- looves how plump u are omg

- if u had stretch marks then prepare for this big ol' guy to play with 'em, he jst cant stand those stretch marks being ignored :( he want them to feel loved too

- would smash everyones nose till its bloody once they talk bad about u. and if needed, he wont be afraid to putting a bullet in their heads, regardless of their genders. (but you wont find out about this though)

- loves seeing you in his clothes omggg, calls you his teddy bear because what else should he called u?? ur jst adorable and that body is basically perfect for cuddles

- also .. a little naughty things abt this guy is since he's so tall he likes to sometimes peek into ur boobeh if u wear anything revealing like a bra or a tank top.

- he just love seeing the shape of ur boobeh, no matter if its smol or no, a boobeh is still a boobeh.

- he actually felt guilty abt this but he cant stand it and sometimes he jst wish he could grab & squeeze them boobeh twins..

୨୧ Horangi

- really liked to tease u omg..

- this man is veeeerryyyyy clingy, and not just in front of you but its in front of everyone... including konig as well.

- for example he would basically nom nom ur plump cheeks in public without hesitation at all, or another thing is that he loves to softly touch ur booteh and also kiss ur cheeks in public as well

- its jst in public, but in private?????? do i even have to explain myself? 😭

- loves to called you "bunny" cus um.. well i mean he thinks that ur body is basically perfect for warm cuddles ( and also breeding, but he would never admit this anyway )

- would 100,001% ruin someones life once they talk shit about you.

- including breaking their ribs.

- loves to see u compliment ur self in the mirror, sometimes he jst watch u from behind while witnessing u having a lil dumb & silly conversation with ur own self in the mirror.

- think its cute & dumb, but would keep his mouth shut rather than saying it.

୨୧ alejandro

- compliments u in spanish omggg

- loves to calls you his wifey even though ur not (well i mean sooner -)

- would absolutely and menancingly roasting someone in their faces after their mouth just say something bad about you.

and if needed, he'll grab their head and bring em to the ground.

- and he wont afraid to do it in public either (this man..)

- also like ghost; he really love cuddles. no seriously, he loves cuddles with u.

- like everytime after he had done something, wether its finishing his missions or something like that he would jst go to ur home and ask for cuddles, and even when it was like holiday or weekend he would still just ask for cuddles..

- after work? cuddles, after dinner? cuddles, after sleep? cuddles, after breakfast? cuddles, after exercising? cuddles, after bath??? cuddles as well. its a cuddles 4 life for this man.

- he loves to spoil u. yes, he loves to buy you anything u want wheter its clothes, accessories, purse or anything u want he'll get it for you. even if the thing u want is from abroad or outside of mexico he'll still get it if u really wish for it. & its all for u his beloved plump cuddle bear♡

·*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩��‧͙ ·*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

[1byhwng]

Wildflower - Felix

synopsis- you and felix have the closest relationship so you visit his dorm to have baking lessons leading to him confessing only for you to leave him alone.

genre- fluff , angst

warnings: none

pairing- bsf!lix + bsf!reader

“Felix! noo, i’m going to kill you!” you say playfully while trying to remove the icing he put on your face. you look up only to see him laughing at your state before finally handing you a paper towel to clean the rest of the sticky icing off of your face. “you’re really pretty yknow…” he speaks up ,his voice sending shivers down your spine while looking at you with loving eyes leaning against the counter. “felix don’t..” you say trying to ignore your feelings for him.

“y/n..” he reaches out to you but you back away. “you know just as well as i do why we can’t.” you say in a soft tone. He sighs ,running a hand through his hair. “i should go, bye felix.” you say grabbing your things and walking towards the door. Felix follows you to the door, grabbing your arm turning you to him. “im sorry y/n.” You could feel his grip tighten “don’t leave..we can just act like i never said anything.” he looks at you with pleading eyes. “please, i promise i wont say anything stupid like that again.” you shake your head looking at him with a soft gaze. “you didn’t say anything wrong..i just can’t accept that i love you felix.” you say turning away to leave, grabbing your keys off the hook and walking out.

when you made it to your car you hesitate before finally deciding to leave. As you were driving you got a few texts from Felix.

y/n this doesn’t change anything right??

y/n?

I can see you’re reading these..

are you ignoring me?

seriously y/n

ok fine.

You look at the texts with tears in your eyes threatening to fall. The texts kept coming but something inside you wouldn’t let you bring yourself to answer them. Not right now anyway.

It’s been a month since what happened and now every time you would visit the guys he wouldn’t even speak to you -god forbid he glanced at you. He was always in his room staying as far away from you as possible.

maybe today was different because when you walked in he was sitting on the couch with han watching a movie he looked towards you waving with a weak smile before looking back to the movie as if giving Han a signal that you were there. “Hey y/n” Han says getting up, walking over to you with a wide grin. “We were just watching a movie if you wanna join.” He says gesturing to the movie playing on the screen. Before you could answer Felix stands up making his way over it you “can we talk…alone?” He says looking at you with soft eyes. You think for a moment before replying “I-sure, yeah.” Han just shrugs and goes back to his spot in the couch.

You were sitting on his bed while picking at your nails unsure of what to do in this situation. “Look, y/n I’m sorry..” he starts with a sigh “I’m sorry for being an asshole, im sorry for making you feel bad, I’m sorry for having feelings for you, I’m sorry that I ignored you, and I’m sorry I ruined things between us.” By the time he stopped tears were still flowing out of his eyes and he looks at you with pleading eyes praying you would forgive him. “Y/n?” You look up at him getting up and pulling him in to an embrace. “I never thought you having feelings for me was stupid..I just don’t want to hurt myself, Felix.” You say as your head lays on his chest. “You’re an idol…I’m a nobody who makes songs for a living and clean cafe counters when I don’t make hit songs. The fans would hate me and you for it and I don’t want you to stress about it because of me a-“ before you could finish he pulled you into a soft quick kiss. “Don’t you think I wouldn’t have asked if I cared about that?”

“I care about you, not other people’s opinions.” He says smiling at you with his tear stained cheeks. “I promise I mean it..” he whispers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I love you y/n” he smiles softly at you.

”I love you too lix.” You smile as you start to shed tears of happiness of finally being able to express your feelings for him freely.

“I’ll never regret telling you I love you yknow.” He says poking your side. “Ah whatever sunshine I definitely won’t regret it.” You punch his shoulder playfully.

[fadedmunson]

all apologies | o. isaac

pairings ; oscar isaac x gn!reader (no use of y/n)

summary ; you do something that you know you shouldn't have done, now you're facing the consequences

genre ; reader doing something kinda dumb, slightest bit of angst, and then all comfort ^^ kinda established relationship already

notes ; 1 curse word !! im not very good at writing and english is not my first language, thank you for understanding

wc ; 🤷‍♀️, not proofread !!

the hot, blistering sun was making your skin all sticky but thank god for this pool

"c'mon dude, just do it!" your friends egged you on

"i mean whats the worst that could happen?" one of them asked

"well, im sooo glad you asked! because i could hurt myself and ruin oscars mural, he just painted it i would never forgive myself." just thinking about it made you shiver

the pool party was a pretty cute and small gathering. only your friends and oscars were at this party and since you shared most of the same friends, it blended together really well

the only problem was how intimate and cozy your shared place could be with more than 10 people in it

"you only live once and it would be really cool! we'll get it on video and everything. the murals kinda far from the pool. I also thought oscar didn't really like the mural all that much. some water wont hurt it." one of your friends comments analytically.

that stupid reasoning is why you were now at the top of this diving board counting down to three

THREE ! god, WHAT am i doing with my life

TWO ! this won't make so much of a mess? right? i thi-

ONE ! SWEET BABY JESUS I CANT BREATHE

you take a leap of faith and jump right into this pool

SPLASH !

you don't know the water goes everywhere but you're pretty content with how steady your position and posture was while diving

you don't see the look on your friends faces that say 'fml' and 'oh... no..'

the mural was still wet and with the amount of water that splashed on it, the whole thing was ruined

and of course, right on time, oscar walks into the backyard

"thought i heard someo- " the smile on his face is immediately fading and being replaced with a blank stare

"oh my god," you don't know what to do in your frantic state "babe im so sorry i had no idea-" you try to talk to him but he pushes away almost too quickly and goes back inside

you just stand there, a cold and anxious feeling waving over you

you breathe in and then out, calm down and give him space, everything will be ok

you grab a towel, dry of a little, and take your sandals to go inside

the party is semi quiet, only being filled with small conversations and music through the speakers

before entering through the door entirely, you move your head to peak outside

"delete that video!" you shout to one of your friends who you know pressed rec.

as you're fluffing and drying off your hair, you try looking for oscar, not knowing he's fully slumped on the couch, just staring into nothingness

you're just worried for what you've done to this poor guy :,(

"oscar, honey, you gotta look at me please." you find and sit next to his motionless state and comb your hand through his hair while the other hand is caressing his face features

he doesn't say anything and doesn't even acknowledge your presence, ouch

"oh baby, im so sorry i did that. i knew it was a bad idea and im not sure why i still did it." you're quick to apologizing and you're now overthinking everything you did tonight

you're severely overwhelmed and have no idea what to say in this situation

all you can do is rest your face into his neck and press the smallest kisses there, making your way up to his jawline, then his cheek, his nose, and his head

you won't stop peppering these tiny kisses and you can see a little smile ghosting his features

you love the way he smells, the strongest smell of his cologne is all you can smell right now.

it's strong, a sandal wood and clean scent, it's so comforting to you right now

"stop you're tickling me now" he begins to lightly giggle and softly push you back a bit

you're both just laughing at each other until the laughter dies down and you fully apologize to him

"if i knew what would've happened, i would have never even step foot on that diving board" you look into his eyes with all the seriousness you could muster up

he just looks at you with softened and sad eyes "y'know, i was starting to like the mural a bit actually."

you're heart shatters into a million pieces (for the second time today) great, you feel like utter shit now

you feel like curling into a ball and crying as of right now, and he can tell, but you're here to console him

you see tears swell up in his eyes and you're quick to kiss his eyes and move onto his lap, your lips just inches away from his

"i don't deserve you, at all. there aren't enough apologies in the world to make up for hurting the most attractive person on earth" you poke at him a bit and just rest your forehead on his

he immediately moves your forehead off and wraps his hands on your waist as he leans in for a sweet, looooong kiss.

its warm, you taste the lukewarm beer he had around an hour ago, but it makes you smile into him

you end the kiss with a little peck on his lips and tilt your head to the side

"forgive me?" you pout a little

"i guess so," he sarcastically says but flips you on your back to trap you in his arms for another kiss

"hey!" you yelp while giggling

"i love you so much." you mumble into the kiss

"mmmmhm," he breathes into you "i love you so much more, mi querida."

[gxldenlush]

Wedding date || c.s

part2

pairing: bestfriend!chris x fem!reader

summary: y/n needs a date to her competitive sisters wedding

warnings: use of y/n, nickname (ma), nc touching (hand on her hip), [very] short fight, sibling argument, random names for sister & her husband

A/n: I’m not sure how many parts thee will be for this but let me know if you want me to keep going with this. i’m giving Emma a colour too this time

Pink=y/n

Orange=chris

green=Emma

༻☙✽༺

“What do you want?”

“I just wanted to talk to you… you look really sexy tonight…”

“Excuse me? Did I miss a chapter? You just married my sister!”

James laughs and steps closer “c’mon don’t be like that”

“Back up, you’re drunk James. Just go back to Emma, your goddamn wife. Drink some water and sober up.”

He doesn’t listen to a word I say, stepping closer, his hand going to my hip. “No one will know.” He leans in one to whisper “Our little secr-”

“Hey! You gotta learn the concept of no, dude!”

James turns to see Chris stood just a few steps away, his face fuming and his its balled up tight. “Hey man, she came onto me.”

“What? That’s a lie! You followed me!”

“Who’s gonna believe you?” His hand sqeezes my hip enough to bruise, Chris notices this due to the look on my face and he shoves James out of the way.

To which James drunkenly retaliates with a punch, Chris hardly even stumbles, the punch not even fazing him. Chris grips onto the collar or James’ suit jacket and shoves him against the wall.

“Chris! Just leave it!”

He doesn’t even acknowledge my words as he speaks to James through gritted teeth. “Stay the fuck away from her, or we will have a fucking problem. Understand?”

James’ only response is a harsh glare, Chris lets go of him and he stumbles away. Cris instantly turns to me, his hand touching my hip gently, a total opposite to how James had grabbed me.

“You okay? Hurt? Anything?”

I let out a shaky breath, shaking my head. “I’m fine, I just want to leave now. Do you mind?”

“Of course not, let’s go.” He puts his arm around my shoulders to guide me but it stop him.

“Wait”

“What is it?” He looks concerned

“I haven’t peed yet, I’m dying to go” He shakes his head and aughts at me. “Go. I’ll wait here”

I mutter a quick “thanks” and i rush to the bathroom. Once I close the door, I lean my back against it for a second, pulling myself together before sitting on the toilet, while I eye, I let out a few tears, but I stop myself and wi my tears away before finishing up and going out into the hallway again. Chris flashes me a gentle smile. “C’mon, let’s get out of here” he holds his hand out which I take gladly.

Before we start walking, I lightly pul him to face me, I put my had on his reddening cheek. “It’s fine, doesn’t hurt that bad” He reassures me as though he knows what I’m thinking. “I just can’t believe he punched you, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault, okay? Let’s go, you can stay at my place tonight”

We walk back to the marquee, I spot my sister talking to my mother. “I should let her know I’m leaving”

“alright, I’ll come with you.”

We make our way over to my sister, i interrupt her conversation politely. “Hey Emma, Chris and I are gonna go.”

“Go? Why?”

I stay quiet for a second, unsure of whether to tell the truth. “Just tell her, ma.” Chris mumbles from beside me

“Tell me what?”

I sigh before speaking. “Em, James followed me to the bathroom an-” I’m cut off by my, now raging sister.

“Stop. Don’t say another word. Why can’t you ever be happy for me?”

“I’m always happy for you Emma. That’s not the point”

“No, the point is that, you can’t stand to see that I’m better off than you so you try to ruin my fucking wedding!”

I’m stunned. She doesn’t even believe her own sister. “Em, he punched Chris, look at his fa-”

“Don’t. Don’t fucking speak. Not to me, not to my husband, ever again. Get out of my life, and stay the fuck out. Got it?”

I don’t even try to defend myself at this point, knowing that she wont even let me finish my sentence, let alone believe me. “Okay, fine. But before I get out of your life I want to say one thing.”

“What!?” She snaps

I keep my tone calm “You’re not better off than me, I have a good life. A good job, amazing friends, though the family department could use some work” I spare a glance to my mother, who has always sided with my sister through ur entire lives “and I have Chris” His head turns to me quickly, surprised that I’ve included hm as his own reason. “He has always been there for me when I need him, he is the only family I need. I don’t need you, I don’t rely on you. Quite frankly, Emma, I haven’t seen you as family for a very long time. Goodbye, Mrs Blake.”

I don’t even give my sister time to retort, nor my mother. I turn on my heel, taking Chris’ hand again and walking away. Out of the marquee and towards my car. Once ere in the car, Chris finally speaks up.

“I’m so proud of you, y/n.” Those words make my heart swell.

“You are?”

“Yeah! You finally stood up to Emma, you’ve wanted to do that since you were a little girl, right?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true… But maybe I should’ve have told her about James…”

“Yes you should have. No matter what kind of person she is, she deserves to know that kind of think about her husband. Now it’s on her to do the right thing”

I nod and start the car. “Are you sure you don’t mind if I stay over tonight?

“Of course I don’t mind, anything for you ma”

༄

I drive us back to Chris’ house. His brothers, Matt and Nick, must be in bed due to the lack of lights on in the house. we go into the living room and I plop myself down on the couch with a dramatic sigh.

Chris sits on the coffee table infront of me, he lifts up my foot and takes my shoe off for me, then the other, he puts my heels neatly on the floor at the end of the couch. He then moves to sit next to me, I lift my feet onto the couch to be under me, my knees bent and pointing in his direction, Chris puts his hand on my thigh.

“How you feeling?”

“I’m okay, a little shaken but not too bad. I just can’t believe I finally said that to my sister after so long”

“I’m really proud of you, ma. Tonight was fun, until Emma’s husband got handsy”

I smile at the memories of tonight. “Yeah, it was fun”

“I enjoyed being your fake boyfriend”

“oh yeah?”

“mhm, maybe a little too much” He smiles. I know that smile. It causes nerves and butterflies to dance in my stomach.

Before I can react, he’s leaning in closer. I don’t even process what’s happening until his lips meet mine…

To be continued…

[silawastaken]

I love seeing people compare music to their favourite characters and go like 'oh yeah this verse might be this character... and then this one is the other one... and then this little bit here is them both honestly. Or something like that' because I HAVE gone through every taylor swift song on evermore and folklore and compared it to skk. Sorry to be autistic on the writing account, but this is a fanfic writing account and I'm writing my second novel length fic about them so what did you expect.

folklore/evermore are very canon skk, and verge into fanon and some songs are the reason for very specific head canons, or some of the ways I write the way they perceive each other. 1989... DON'T GET ME STARTED OMFG HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO BLANK SPACE? I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT HAVE AND OMG IT'S SO SKK CODED LIKE WTF. I HAVE VERY FIRM OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH LYRICS ARE THEIRS. Also the vault tracks literally exist what more do you want from me. 'i think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running and say the one thing I've been wanting' okay dazai pack it up you did that already, beast exists. 'i call my mom sister she said that it was for the best remind myself the more i gave you'd want me less' yeah yeah chuuya we know he left you get over it, it wasn't personal(think that line could go for either of them but the other line 'the way you faded till i left' feels more Dazai personally). Plus suburban legends. For personal reasons I struggle to listen to song without SPIRALING FUCK YOU THAT ONE PERSON SEHDHSSJNS but very skk as well 'we were born to be national treasures' is very soulmates of them. And out of the woods screams them in fanfic when they try to get better. Red, straight away all too well. They both remember it all too well. All too well skk cover with switching vocals anyone? The last time. The one with gary lightbody. Underrated song, is my favourite on that album, and SO THEM. 'this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong, this is the last time i wont hurt you anymore' because they're fated to be together and are constantly drawn to each other and yet keep HURTING EACH OTHER RAGH. also 'we are never getting back together' is pretty funny and nice when applied to them. also state of grace. any taylor song with a mild drop of religious imagery is them cause yeah. but 'i never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same'... okay pack it up, we don't have time for your yearning. 'you were never a saint' (dazai abt chuuya) 'and i loved in shades of wrong' (bc hes toxic and doesnt know how to healthily like people) 'we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts' (bc they continue anyway and stick it out, living with the pain of being bad for each other because of how deeply they care). I almost do. Dazai after leaving. moving on to more religion, holy ground. 'for the first time i had something to lose' 'and i guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the storys got dust on every page' AAAAAA IT'S THEM. Can't really speak on debut- but I've listened to our song and picture to burn and if picture to burn isn't a vengeful chuuya idk what is. BOY OH BOY SPEAK NOW.

excuse me. one moment.

Mine- literally a skk au

Sparks fly- 'the way you move is like a rainstorm and im a house full of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running' that entire verse screams dazai's fascination with corrupted chuuya, and the whole song is well yeah

back to december- dazai when they reunite just trust me on it just trust me on it. the repetition was intentional, that's how serious i am. 'i go back to december all the time' 'I got back to december to make it all right'

speak now- might just be me but it really makes me think of teen skk in fanfic harbouring urges to ruin the others relationship for 'some reason. I don't know, seeing him with her just... irks me'.

the story of us- first verse is chuuya, second verse is dazai, and the third is them both because they're LOSERS and they LOVE EACH OTHER and FUCK I'm CRYING NOW. 'id tell you i miss you but i don't know how' EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BASTARD.

enchanted- self explanatory. for more context, i really think it's from dazai's pov in this case, could probably be both, but dazai fell first and harder so it's really like god he's been in love ever since he got kicked into that wall he wants him around forever. He held Chuuya's hand in the fight with rimbaud and then had all those close moments in the manga and went home to lie on his bed kicking his feet and giggling don't lie. (god im still crying this isn't helping)

better than revenge- they're both pretty vengeful idk it makes me think of iwsynttr for some reason

haunted- chuuya pov. 'i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong' 'stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had' they're so sad, but the general idea of chuuya thinking he has figured out dazai and knowing how he thinks and then dazai just leaves suddenly and he's like 'Wow! I thought i knew you. How do i forget this'. 'wont finish what you started' bringing chuuya into the mafia then leaving it.

last kiss- 'you told me you love me so why did you go away' chuuya pov again oh god it hurts why am i doing this to myself? 'never imagined we'd end like this, your name, forever the name on my lips' yep yep ow.

LONG LIVE.- LISTEN. TO. THE. SONG. AND TELL ME IT'S NOT DAZAI AND CHUUYA. I COULD DO A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON JUST THIS SONG. 'promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye...please tell them my name, tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how i hope they shine, long live the walls we crashed through, i had the time of my life with you' FUCK IT'S DAZAI AN HE'S IN LOVE WITH CHUUYA AND DOESNT KNOW ODAS GONNA DIE YET, JUST THINKS HE DOESNT GET TO KEEP ANYTHING HE WANTS. FUUUUUCK. THEY'RE IN LOVE AND DAZAI WANTS IT REMEMBERED PLEASE I'M SO SAD.

anyway, i can't pretend I'm normal about skk anymore i haven't even covered fearless, reputation, lover or midnights please somebody encourage me to actually write full things dedicated to each album and the most fitting songs from said albums please i'll do it and plus i need to actually gather proof for my autism diagnosis appointment so this would be a good way to to that probably. anyway yeah this'll never make it out my drafts lol

[barzfrommarz]

My honest unorganized thoughts on c!wilburs ending

(2 years late)

tw: mentions of suicide

I would put my thoughts on the apology tour here too but I think that will make this post to long so i'm just going to talk about the finale stream itself.

Also this is very unorganized bc I dont really remember how it exactly played out and I could go back and watch the VOD but ion wanna hear wilburs voice so im using the wiki for this therefore I wont have intricate details

One thing I really like is the flashback at the beginning. Especially the fade from L'manburg to the destroyed L'manburg I love it sm it reminds me of Analog horror series

(That part isn't relevant tho that's just me nerding out over analog horror)

They then go to Las Nevadas to try and apologize to Q but get ghosted and im pretty sure it was bc of conflicting schedules or smth but the fact that c!tntduo never got a proper ending pisses me off to this day. LIKE wdym they never interacted ever again??? Wdym if followin the dsmp ending Quackity probably has no memory of c!wilbur??? !?!?!??!?! I rlly just wish they could've gotten some form of closure either from cc!wil or cc!quackity and sure its funny ig that Q canonically ghosted c!wilbur but still??!?!??!?! ugh anyways

Tommys outburst towards wil..."I never used to be this angry" KILLS MEEEEEEEEEEE. Also c!wilbur getting scared was so....NOT EVEN TWO SECONDS LATER tommy fucking asks "Wil, are you going to kill yourself?" FUCK?????? BRO????????????? WILBUR DENYING IT TO???? Maybe im wrong here but I dont ever remember other characters acknowledging c!wilbur being suicidal and esp the fact it was c!tommy UGH it kills me

Now getting to my criticisms a little bit, I don't like the utah and gas station thing at all. It feels just so random? Out of place even. I would've liked it more if it was just a desert where c!wilbur was from or something

Then wilburs goes to leave blah blah blah don't trust those americans yada yada

Oh but C!tommy asking c!wilbur to forgive the most important person (himself) then a few minutes later we get "I never did forgive myself"OUGDHSHSGHDGDSHUSHGHUHB

Okay now im going to lay out my main criticisms I have with the finale and why I think it was somewhat unsatisfying and we c!wilbur fans were kinda fucked over in the end

-We should've gotten a VERBAL apology to c!tommy

I understand c!wilbur was afraid of losing him or whatever but it would've shown SO MUCH GROWTH FROM HIM IF HE OUTLOUD SAID "Im sorry" TO THE PERSON HE HURT MOST. Im pissed that presumably cc!wilbur decided not to have that happen. Even if it was bad JUST DO IT. c!wilbur was going to leave anyways so him being scared of losing c!tommy if he apologized wouldn't matter!

My next point is that c!wilbur leaving wasn't thought out enough I think. I do personally think c!wilbur should've left the place that ruined him to heal. That's step one of learning to heal but with the apology tour being a flop and him never verbally apologizing to c!tommy it felt unsatisfying and almost underserved and I see why so many people afterward were like "he doesn't just get to leave". What would've helped I think would've been more streams or longer streams if possible. There was so much shit that needed to be retconned but it wasn't given enough time I feel and thats why to so many ppl they were unsatifyed/upset

Going more into the utah shit. I hate it. I hate the "Plot twist" of him being secretly american and from utah. Not even getting into how the real world is now apparently canon to the dsmp in one of the last few dsmp lore streams. I honestly would've liked it more if it wasn't specifically named what the place was instead it was just home. I also had this idea of instead of him disappearing in the middle of the ocean I think it would've been cooler if c!wilbur took a train somewhere almost like a callback to limbo.

I don't like how its somewhat implied c!wilbur killed himself again. It feels cheap to kill of a already heavily suicidal character AGAIN when instead it genuinely could've been a story about how you can learn to heal and forgive yourself even if you did bad things. Maybe this is just me not wanting my favorite character to die but I don't like it at all

Ghostbur was also handled terribly. I understand why alivebur hated him but I also think it would've shown growth if he learned to accept ghostbur in the end. Even if it wasn't fully

Also why the fuck did we never get the contents of the book c!wilbur gave c!tommy?? You throw that shit in just to never tell us what's in it almost 2 years later??

Final thoughts

I might go back and edit this later with more things but for my final thoughts I think c!wilburs finale +the apology tour was a big unsatisfying flop and I belive c!wilbur fans were unfairly fucked over in the end.

Not to sing brighton biter praise, but I do believe he was a good writer and the fact that the last few streams were this unsatisfying is disappointing coming from him. I mean im sure he just wanted to get c!wilburs finale out so he could be done with it but that's not an excuse for fucking your fans over. There was also probably issues with other ccs and characters since (Imo) a lot of the characters he interacted with in the end don't have the best writing (not meant to insult the ccs btw, just saying)

But personally, I somewhat accept it simply bc this is the best we got and I personally don't like alot of other fan re writes on his ending and I also don't like his ending just being "lol he killed himself again"

Anyways that's it, sorry for being unorganized and I apologize if I got anything wrong I might add more to this later. Thx for listening <3

[zmbiest4rr]

just something from my journal 🤍

I don't like the word hate, but oh how I hate school, and how I feel the need to change myself to fit in, I hate having no time for myself between school and sports, I hate P , how she always complains when she knows she has it better than most people. I hate how she acts like she is the worst at everything she does, I hate how she cries over stupid things , and how she always says “My mom is the worst” “My mom said [...] was not very good.” Please stop talking.She bought you an expensive gift and lets you sit out of practice because your ‘stomach hurts’ You not being good at the sport is your own fault. I hate dislike my mom , I hate that she treats me younger than she treats my sisters , I hate how she doesnt put trust in me, and says “You need to prove I can trust you.” When trust goes both ways, I want to be able to trust that my mom wont get mad at me over the little things, I dont want her barging in my room evry 5 minutes asking that same question and saying that same phrase “What are you doing?” “I havent seen you much , you need to come out of your room more often.” I'm tired, Mom, I never have time to do the things I enjoy anymore. I'm trying to keep up in school , even when it's so hard trying to keep my grades from falling all while having very few hours between getting home and sports. I always say I hate my mom but thats isnt and never will be true, she has only done the best for me, I know she only wants me to be safe and trys to keep me from turning out like my father. I can't say I hate V when I know we both have it rough, but I hate her actions , I hate when she gets upset and won't talk to me. I hate when she gets all clingy, I can't text her all the time. I hate when I voice when I'm not feeling good or having a bad time and everyone just says “real.” or ignores me completely, but of course when someone else , more liked does, it's “I'm so sorry, how can I make you feel better?” I dislike my siblings, I hate when they take my stuff , or when they ruin it. I hate that they resort to hitting me when I am only messing with them. I hate how my brain works. I hate that I get overwhelmed by overlapping conversations or lights that are too bright, or the texture of a towel. I hate that I remember every license plate and phone number and address of anyone Ive ever cared for. I hate how I overshare, I just want you to know me. I hate that no matter how much effort I put in I never feel pretty. I hate doing sports, I'll never have the stamina that other kids do. I hate being tired but all I ever want to do is sleep. I hate crying in front of people, why does it make me feel weak. I hate crying in front of people , but some days I can't stop it and feel warm tears fall down my face. I hate the word hate, but some things I can't help but say I hate.

[pansnovidinnia]

honestly 12 episode of HB season 2 is horrible for me personally (STRICTLY IMHO and spoilers)

first of all, im not fan of stolitz, they just dont work for me. im also proship, which means that stolitz shippers are absolutely valid and yalll! i just dont like something, its not really critique post, just my feelings, alright? by no means im trying to say your otp is bad or something. i just have my point of view and i have emotions. and i need to share them, so it wont hurt me. we clear? hope so. have a good day and merry sinsmas!!!!

1.Its the second episode where Stolas has no magic and no title. Its... depressing for me. he's so unhappy and depressed, hes traumatized and probably has severe ptsd and/or mental problems on top of the depression. + im really sad Viv decided to downgrade him like that. i, myself, liked that Stolas had magic and title. it was fresh for me to watch stuff about rich, but depressed person with shitty life. its more interesting for me than poor and happy. its not that common so its interesting. Oh and im sucker for strong rich and immortal! my sin!

2. Octavia iS SO STUPID WHATS WRONG WITH HER??? she acts like shes 10 not 16! like sorry but people in 16 usually can comprehend situations like that? at least to some degree? i get that shes traumatized and was abused by her mother probably, but she still acts very very badly. Stolas didnt deserve shit he got from her

(still imho! just ny feelings, im not saying ppl who like it are bad! its okay!!)

3. the dynamic between Stolas and blitzo just... depresses me even more. blitzo feels very artificial. before Stolas' sacrifice, he knew Stolas has shitty life and severe problems. but he became more emphatic ONLY AFTER Stolas became basically like him. and unfortunately, Stolas now in this position because he wanted to save blitzo. though at least its frost parrot's and stella's fault... i dont even wanna talk about those cryo bitches. i hope they die, and Stolas gets back his magic and title.

3.1 also wanna add to "artificial" blitzo: it feels that way because he started to care about Stolas only after Stolas became like him. yes, the sacrifice also played a big part, but i feel like if blitzo did indeen care for Stolas before, he would not be such an asshole to him. Stolas started to try and make their r-ships better, while blitzo didnt care about it and Stolas' feeling, just continuing with his usual behavior and stuff.

3.2 sacrifice thing also should make their dynamic more equal, but honestly? if for the sake of equality you ruined the life of one of them, who, actually, wasnt THAT HORRIBLE OF A PERSON, its really poor dynamic equality. remember Ozzie and Asmodeus? Well they have power dynamic too. but they have THE HEALTHIEST R-SHIPS im crying over their wholesomeness!!! like power difference is not a bad thing in vacuum! it can work FOR the r-ship, it doesnt ruin them all the time! i think Stolas' downgrade was too harsh. he needs his stuff and daughter back. as soon as possible. (sorry guys Stolas-simp here)

4. what else... millie is pregnant??? i didnt expect that! Moxxie will probably be super happy, he seems like it, but still interesting story choice

5. i know many ppl dont like Stolas and i know even more ppl hate him because he's "rapist" "abuser" etc. i dont think he's all those things, even if he's not the perfectiest (lol) person in the world. still i cant stand the treatment he got at the end of 2 season. in the 1 one he was more like a joke at the start, then it felt like Viv grew on him and started creating a character on the joke foundation, and now he's really really broken. no i dont know. its too painfull. by that point i watch HB ONLY AND ONLY because of Stolas. i wanna know what will happen to him, will he get his powers back, will he be finally happy etc

ps. also the gay couple with kids was so wholesome i cried so much. it was so perfect so nice so soft and gentle and also fuck the woman who wanted to kill them. they seem like an amazing happy family, they really didnt deserve to die. im glad they werent killed!!

oke thats the end of my rant. please remember its not an attack on pairing or the show itself! yall are valid and your thoughts on the episode are valid too! i would gladly listen to your thoughts or objections as well. be safe!

[csaventing]

Im really nervous to be doing this, but here goes

im a victim of aocsa/acsa (ive seen both terms used, meaning animal on child sexual abuse/ animal-child sexual abuse). I wont go into details but its when an abuser forces an animal to commit sexual acts with a child or the other way around.

Its so so hard to find anything talking about this. Only recently have people begun speaking up about their stories online ive noticed. And its because of other people speaking up about it that i was able to talk to my therapist about it, and do this now.

I feel so disgusting. I didnt want any of it. i didnt understand what was going on, i was 10 and they were 14/15. And my dog didnt ask for any of it either. i feel so bad for him, hes long gone now but i always carry guilt for what happened. It was so bad that i couldnt be there with him when he was put down because for the longest time i thought it was my fault. Now that im older and understand more of what happened, im now guilty that in his final moments he may have wondered where i was. I loved my dog so much but it hurts so badly that all i can think about is what happened when i think about him.

I have another dog now, and its also ruining my relationship with him. If it were up to me, i would have never gotten another male dog, but my family got one anyways and im still living with them. Im glad we got him, because he was a rescue, so hes much better off now, but sometimes i wish we never got him. And it hurts that i wish that sometimes, because i do love him. I love him, but i struggle so bad around him. Im scared of him.

And it sucks so bad because i love animals. I have for my entire life. And i would have never imagined myself being scared of any type of animal, but here i am. And im forever haunted by what happened. Im haunted by what i was held down and forced into. And i feel like its never going to go away, ill never be clean from this.

.

[misanthropicdoe]

idc if i am dramatic. my blog was there for me every single day for six years. i dont have a real life, i dont have any friends, nobody knows me or even who i am or my name. for the first time ever in my life i felt belonging. idc if i am crazy, but i've had nothing and no one for so long, my blog became my best friend. it was there though several heartbreaks. it was there for me during the first worst period of my life, when everything crashed and i broke. it was there when i went through all my rough phases, it was there to catch me and hold me. it was there to listen to me completely judgement free. it was there when i stopped having contact with my father. it was there when my friends left. it was there through all of my health chrises. when i received no help from the health care system, when i was dismissed and ignored and mistreated. when my sisters stopped talking to me. after every traumatic and scary and uncomfortable moment. no matter what it was there to listen to me. i was never alone because i had my blog. my blog i could pour everything into. idc if it is unhealthy because it was all i had. idc if that is chronically online because i dont wanna live in the real world, it is too dangerous and here im safe. idc if none of it is real bc i dont care for reality. and not only the blog itself, but honestly there was the place people were nice to me. irl i have been bullied and discarded and hurt and abused, but people were nice to me?????? that was the first place i've ever experienced that.

idc if im autistic, no other blog feels the same. it just doesnt feel the same. every day for six years that blog was my anchor. it grounded me. it was the sole reason i wasnt so alone i ended it all. when i was sad, i told it. when i felt the urge to show someone all my stupid fucking pics of snails or the sky or whatever, it was always there for me. always. no matter what. i think ppl would think i sound insane but something inside of me is broken, i cannot have real relationships and connections with people. im so far away from everyone. even my mother. and she gave birth to me. im just not fully human, it hurts and i wish i was but im not. i dont talk to ppl, i dont connect, bc im just filling a role so they wont hurt me. my entire existence is just to fawn so others wont hurt me as bad as they could.

i want my blog back bc it is all i had. and the first time i got my blog termed i knew that oh yes i was blogging abt tcc so like i get it. sucks but i get it. this time it was safe for six years, and then just bc i felt upset that some stranger was saying smth hurtful and judged me on one of my vent posts, i got so mad so i told them off. and then half a day later my account got termed for "promoting sh" and idk if it is all my posts abt it i've made or if it was that one fucking picture on that sideblog where i responded to that person, that pic i reblogged from someone else with faint marks. i've seen more and worse on other ppl's blogs. blogs that are still up. why did mine get termed but not everyone elses??? (i dont want that bc im insane and fucked up but i think ppl should post that if they want) but im just so heartbroken bc it is unfair. why is all i had gone?? i once reported a blog w cp and it stayed up for months. mine got termed in less than a day. everything i had gone just bc of one "sh" post. one report.

i cant stop crying. and i just dont care abt anything else. that blog was the first and only time i've felt "home". idc if i sound insane. i am just not like others and i never will be. i was broken and ruined and i just am this way. i cant connect. i dont have anything else. and now its taken from me. i dont feel whole. i feel like the most precious and treasured and beloved piece was stolen from me. theres probably smth very wrong w me for feeling this way for just an account on social media, but, i think it was the only thing i've ever felt truly safe to let myself feel a connection to. and the fact that no matter what happened to me, no matter what other ppl did to me, i would always have my blog to run to... and that i no longer have that is hurting me so much. i think i most likely had some neurodivergent attachment to it bc i just do not feel the same way abt my other social medias. they could delete my instas and pinterests and twitters and i'd be like oh damn that sucks whatever. and i am here crying and typing but i feel removed from this blog. and all my others. it was that blog i felt attached to. and it is gone. just bc i was so fucking stupid and just had to tell someone off. i never will again, i'll let anyone walk on me i'll let anyone violate all my boundaries and i'll never speak up again just pls pls pls pls let me have my account back.

[ruifictiveapproved]

vent. please look away 👍

i know ive said this and i keep saying it but i do think people are getting tired of me ans theyre starting to hate me and realize that being friends with me is wrong and it is it one hundred percent is but i just let myself get attached because i have greed and im so very selfish wsnting peoplr to stay but i know that wont happen and people are already leaving me and ive been alone most of the day rotting away in bed snd i dont know if its more upset than it is comforting because ifeel fucking nothing right now other than pain but when asked to describe i cannot give a clear answer. i need to run away and just leave everyone now before they do it to me, so that way im.not hurt and theyll realize im right then i change my name make new accs and start the process over witj new friends rinse wash and repeat continue doing this until i actually do suceed in killing myself since last night wasnt successful and when i do ill be a distant memory in everyones heads only something they think about on occasion and they look me up find my obituary and say "oh my, rest in peace" and move on with their day. i want that so bad. there is nothint to continue looking forward to. all my dreams will never come true, all my friends will leave, and dying is just simply apart of life. maybe its fate that im supposed to die right now but i think fate is a stupid and silly thing. whatever it is i know im supposed to be dead though because im a bad person and an abuser andni neglect people all the time and i just ruin peoples lives in the end yrt NO ONE LISTENS WHEN I SAY I DO thrn they get upset not even five fucking minutes later crying because of me and its my fault and everyones like "no no its not" but it IS if i talk about my feelings then someone starts crying thst literally makes it my fucking fault sont try to gaslight me into thinking its not my fault. all i do is hurt and all im capable of feeling is hurt andni really shpuld judt kill myself already

[nerves-nebula]

I had an actual question for you but I don't remember what is was so... Is there anything random that you want to post about? Topics completely up to you! Doesn't have to relate to anything else on here, I just wanna know what's bouncing around inside that skull of yours!

OK BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT.

under the cut for a long ass rant about my opinions on the use of SA/CSA/and incest in fiction

so i've prolly talked about this before but it's been on my mind again recently. I really really dislike the way people think of sexual assault/rape/sexual abuse/incest as inherently more Life Ruining than other shitty things that can happen to you. it makes it hard to feel normal or talk about cause it's such a taboo, it's considered such a Horrible Thing. There are people who genuinely think you shouldn't include it in stories unless you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO which is WILD to me.

like i know the people who say that are usually just annoyed by seeing someone use SA poorly in their story, but frankly it always just made me feel like i had to justify why i would want to write about it. which is BAD. because no one should have to feel pressured to disclose their personal trauma- and even if you aren't traumatized that's just a stupid and annoying standard. and also makes it so that the only people who feel comfortable writing about it are people who dont give a shit or don't understand that they might be portraying it weirdly/in a bad way.

ANYWAY the point is that something that's helped me A LOT is to demystify rape & sexual abuse. especially incest. I have a kind of "it be like that sometimes" mindset nowadays, where it's like, yeah, that's something that happens sometimes. it's happened to a lot of people and will probably keep happening. it's not so terrible you can't say the words or make jokes about it.

it genuinely makes it harder to talk about my experiences if the person I'm talking to like, breaks down and starts crying just thinking about the fact that I've been molested. as if the world ENDED when I was 8 years old and now i'm just a husk of a person??? like nah man I kept living!

and with that comes a kind of acceptance of a lot of things tbh. like getting to this point meant that I had to stop shaming myself for all the feelings that come WITH experiencing sa at a young age. no more shaming myself for gross kinks, because i can't control those feelings, so it's best to just practice them in a healthy way where no one actually gets hurt or w/e. yknow? anyway, as open as i might be, talking about my personal kinks and which ones are and arent influenced by trauma is a step too far for me. so that's enough about that.

AND ANOTHER THING- I KNOW this wont happen any time soon, but I want more childrens stories with sexually abused kids. do you have any idea how much that would have meant to me as a kid?? Do you have any idea how seen I would have felt if kids were depicted as having gone through cocsa and STILL being heroes or going on magic adventures or literally ANYTHING other than being sad for a PSA???

so. yeah. that's what's been bouncing around in my skull.

[duskdragonxiii]

So... I've been seeing all the hate towards hogwarts legacy, all the harassment people have been going through just for playing it, and noticed that JKR has also said some bad things about autistic people(I swear these are relevant)

My mom has mentioned she's considering getting it for our PS5, and she knows all the transphobic stuff JKR has said. She believes in separating the art from the artist, but I'm worried about mentioning it anywhere lest people get mad at me for being fine with her. I am autistic and I don't want people to think I have internalized ableism or something because of this. I don't want either of us being harassed over a game.

Is this likely at all? I know you might not be the best person to ask but I noticed you were reblogging a lot of that stuff, so I decided to try asking someone.

Im not the best person to ask im afraid. Im in a similar situation myself-- my mum loves harry potter but she DOESNT see the problems with it. Thankfully my mother doesn't play videogames but she is a lifelong potter fan and I don't want to take that from her. However there is a point where you have to take a stand.

Now, this game was not directly created by the transphobic overlord herself, she basically wasnt involved, but shebprofits from it via royalties nonetheless. In this case, "seperate the art from the artist" doesnt apply here, and every penny she gets in royalties she herself has said she believes it to be in support for her politics.

People outside the uk seem to think oh shes not a government official she doesnt have any real sway- she very much does for us and funding her hate is ACTIVELY DANGEROUS to minorities in the uk.

Its so easy to go "well one exception wont hurt" i know bc ive done that- but it does. If everybody goes "well just one exception" then we aren't making a difference at all. We have to put this fire out before it starts killing people. Its already out of control.

I would advise you not to fight your mother on this but Strongly Discourage It. This isn't about ruining peoples fun, this is about saving peoples lives. We cant keep letting this shit slide.