#so idk how much time i actually have to do all the big things that are currently really important but not 🚨URGENT🚨 urgent

[dailyhtfboards]

Day 108

Today’s board is:

Ptooey!!

(From TV episode 11A Wingin It)

[loveafterdeath-if]

Yeah, similarly to what another anon said, I was kinda hoping for this to be a story about moving on after losing a lived one, specifically your partner, which I thought was a beautiful and heartbreaking concept, and while we did get that in the first few chapters, it feels like this plot twist kind of defeats the whole point.

Though, unlike the other anon, I personally will probably continue reading because I think you are an amazing writer and because I love Ekissa. The only thing that makes me not sure about continuing is that the situation is a bit awkward, makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, so I was wondering about how you were going to manage it? Because MCs moving on process obviously gets cut short, but for those of us who are gonna romance someone else, we still need to finish that process, and one important thing when moving on from an ex is time apart, especially for one you were grieving not so long ago. Otherwise old feelings, nostalgia and a lot of other emotions get mixed up and that would probably lead to confusion. (Sorry, for the long paragraph, just a bit worried about how this is gonna continue)

It's heavy spoiler territory, but I'll have to address this for anon. And it'll be a long-ass response, so be prepared,

You are right about one thing, the whole plot falls apart if El is alive, doesn't it? And like someone said in the LAD discord "why love after death then". They didn't phrase it exactly like that, but you know what I mean. The plot does start with El, but it won't end with them. Idk how to explain without giving away too much, lol

There are clues that El isn't really dead in the first chapters. The flowers MC receives, and now players know El was the one offering them. The doc and Athiel never talk about death when discussing El. MC doesn't have the right to go to the funeral or even see El's body. Even L being called by Juliet at the beginning will have its importance. They're small details, nothing too obvious, but they're here.

I'll be honest, sometimes when writing Athiel talking with MC, I struggled to remember El wasn't dead because I tried to make it look and feel like El was dead, so I drowned a bit in that department.

The characters might seem like a lot, but each has their own purpose, big or small. Some are a breath of fresh air for MC since they're not caught up in all the drama and can be objective. Others are here because they'll play an important role later. Then there are those who serve as reminders of the past with El (like the neighbors). And some are just like those background characters in anime; you don't even see their features because they're just there to serve a small purpose and keep the intrigue going. They come and go.

Sorry, I'm talking too much. So how I'll manage it, is by—and it's where it's gonna get tricky—make MC aware of it as soon as possible. There will be a reunion between MC and El. The tricky part is showing that El won't remember MC, no matter how much/if the MC tries to jog their memory.

The past El is dead; the memories won't come back, and if any fragments do resurface, El won't feel the love they once had. It's more like a ghost of memories; their body remember, but it's more mechanical than actual feelings. Like an old habit that won't go.

MC will have to grieve the old El anyway, even with them actually alive.

In El's route, it'll be all about falling in love again, getting them out of this toxic relationship with their mother, helping them learn to love themself again, and living with someone who is El but not the El you used to know. They have trauma, the confidence they once had is gone, they're insecure and they're more reserved than before.

Juliet is like, the first villain before introducing the final boss. What I wanted to do was weave two kinda plots in the same book because I didn't want to make two separate books. Love After Death is Love After Death for a reason. The plan is to make the players realize that El wasn't the focus of this book in the first place.

I hope there won't have any inconsistencies in this story, but if you find any plot holes, you're free to let me know, and I'll do my best to improve. It's only with advice and constructive critique that I can do so. I'm sure there are blind spots I won't see right away; I'm only human😭

[phobiaexists]

hii, Big fan of ur AN Other AU and your designs in general (The butch Jane in me compliments the butch Jane in you) so hmm, I may or may not have made some sketchs with ur designs while I was studying anatomy, they look silly I'm afraid.

I wanted to make a silly contrast between them, John suppose to give a more softer prey (omg references) look while Jane is a more of an apex hunter. Jane has more muscle mass than John and overall a sharper demeanor and a shady look, ik she's pratically a sniper but at somepoint she has to throw hands with someone (and she's good at it.) she's pretty much battle scarred bcuz hmm fights hmm

John still extremely strong, however, that fact get overshadowed because he looks crazy soft (that's also servers as contrast between OG John and AU John, too. prey animal and apex predator and all 🫡) he's slightly paler than Jane bcuz hmm eye injury me thinks (and bcuz he's a nerd)

I also tried to make a small cute art of them snuggling (would never happen ❤️... mean like probably)

pretty much inspired by that ask u said he likes to appear small near Jane, yes he's idk 6'3 or smt on AN Other but do we care???? no. anyways, I am allowed to be delulu and make a whole ahh scenario where Jane breaks free from that whole stinky illusion or I'm supposed to suffer? (bonus doodles bcuz hihi)

sorry if the ask looks invasive, didn't meant to do it aaaoorghh my brain is like... melting rn, again sorry 😔

OH MY GOD.

THIS IS THE MOST ABSOLUTE FUCKING THING TO WAKE UP TO OH MY FUCKING GOD? JANE DOE IM. JANE DOE IM GAY AS HELL. JANE. JANEEEEEE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

OHFHVHRHCHRHC OHHHH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR ENJOY MY AN OTHER AU AWAWAWAAAAAAA DJDJDJDJDJ 💖💖💖💖💖 I LOVE HOW YOU DREW JANE AND JOHN HGNVHFHCHFH are those bullet wound scars on the prey animalll GWAAA YOURE RIGHT FOR THAT GEHDGDGDGRVD

Jane with facial and bodily scars and with grey streaks in her hair yes yes YES THATS HER THATS MI AMOR CBFGXGRGGDRVRGHRG 💖💖💖

You’re like the second person I’ve received fanart of my own designs/interpretations from and it already just. It already makes me so, so, so fucking happy seeing my own John design be drawn every time because I know it’s meant to be specifically my take on him when the dotted patterns and scales in his corruption are included and especially when his gills are drawn and especially since AN Other!John exclusively has the eye patterns in his corruption and and and HNFHXHRGRGRGRGGRRHFHCRGR

THE ART OF THEM SNUGGLING OHHHH MY GODDDDDD I LOVE YOUR RENDERING AND THE DOODLES ARE SO CUTE EHHXHDHXHRBD every time someone draws Jane with a gun I feel so much absolute rabid joy. Poor John is not getting his survivor wins with her around and she’s gonna fucking make sure of it when she breaks into one

Don’t worry you guys are allowed to be delulu. I’ll probably join you guys in being delulu eventually as well when I get that AN Other!Jane design actually going. Brain keeps juggling between regular John and Jane, AN Other AU John and Jane, and Gasharpoon John but currently Gasharpoon John fixation is strongest but again my brain likes to juggle things HDHSJEHDH

[scriblesandbits]

So god created us in his image, right? And that’s cool and all but what if it turns out god, like, hates his own image??? What then????

[drpicklesart]

they are going to mehnahnaroo

[arolesbianism]

Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

[collgeruledzebra]

been a while since ive had a spell of anxiety bad enough i genuinely can't tell how much im overreacting

[savetheghost]

wanna be put in a room with craft stuff for 10 years

[seaofreverie]

Anyway how is everyone doing

[gayboyrocklee]

Love posting my Spotify receipts for the month bc you can always tell when I’ve had smth big to write for one of my classes bc the one Jash song (Dream (Outro from Calamity)) will make the receipt. I did not end up a Jashinator but I do like having a song I can rely on to make me write things.

[watery-melon-baller]

on the one hand, i really like working on the script for this video essay. on the other hand, it feels like im just being super negative and and a hater towards the entire toh fandom because they like making their dolls kiss

[orcelito]

I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

[izzy-b-hands]

I keep forgetting I can't seem to get the current version of xkit to work on my new laptop and going to do stuff that it let me do fjldksafjdlsaj

[writhe]

dude i hate long workdays so much when i leave and i feel dysregulated and so separated from any rhythm of the natural world. it was beautiful today, and now the sun is going down, and i’ve no ‘real’ interaction with people (as myself vs. ‘Working With Public’ guy) and the day starts and ends alone and without (barring Halliwell) any genuine or meaningful social exchange. usually get home and feel too uncomfortably hungry (even if i’d packed a sufficient amount of food for the day) to know when i’m full 

i’ve been trying to challenge myself on what i call ‘work’ or don’t because i realized i was only calling my day job ‘work’ when i spend most of my time alone, when home, working on shop stuff or commissions or something otherwise related to money or productivity (which i guess can also include housework) 

i’ve tethered myself to working (or productivity) so much that i’ve been very neglectful of any hobbies that allow me to rest. i prioritize active hobbies (ie, hiking) first because i love them but also partly because halliwell needs the engagement, partly because i start feeling terrible if i don’t spend at least a good part of the day out of the house, and partly because it’s easier to keep doing things when i’m just doing them. i have a hard time sleeping if i’m not completely exhausted 

i try to force myself to ‘do nothing’ and i’ve gotten a little better at it, i can bake something for friends, i can sit or lay down and read for a while now, but most of the time i find myself in some sort of nagging doom scroll, telling myself i will close my phone and get on with heat setting or orders or finish or start a drawing or send an email etc etc etc. then i procrastinate because here is the LICK of downtime i’m allowing myself, here, on my phone. i don’t feel enriched by time spent this way, i mostly feel as if i’ve failed to start something and all the content i’ve idly glanced at somewhere in my mind half-stuck and not fully retrievable. it’s like smeared text. unflavored food. ruffage. it is unengaging yet inescapable. i’m not learning i’m just seeing everything until nothing is really novel, in a way that feels passive and dull

i want to do things that feel motivated by interest again, not money or deadlines. i don’t want to experience the world on the clock. i want to feel satisfied by curiosity and experimentation 

days like this make me feel so small. i’m tired and hot and it’ll be dark and buggy by the time i get there, but i think i am going to go to the woods and i think the mosquito bites i scratch will be the only proof i’m something living in the world today. i’ve spent the last few hours on my phone unable to make a decision, i feel under and over-stimulated. i wish i had someone to chat with. i wish i could spend more time alone in ways that were enriching to me. i wish we could all experience the world in ways we were meant to 

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

because im less breakable than you