#so i'm throwing it out here idk just bc
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So I'm rewatching House MD for. Some reason. Idk I just accept this is where my brain wanted to go I guess.
Anyway I'm in the ep where Vogler first shows up and I remember recently seeing that "Hate when the fandom makes awful stuff up that a morally grey character did. Like free my man he didn't do that. He did do a bunch of other stuff tho" post recently (I swear I'm going somewhere)
So Cuddy and House have that convo about Medical Ethics. And Cuddy is completely right House violates those all the time. However, House's specific criticism was "we're pressuring patients into choices that are bad for them, good for us. We're gonna compromise patient care". Now you can argue about whether what House is doing is "good patient care" (y'know, being a dick to them, ignoring what they want, that stuff), but it is aimed at saving their lives and not at making money, so, that's absolutely not "Taking House's game and going Pro". That is, in fact, doing almost the opposite ("Making patients agree to treatments that will not help them" vs "Forcing treatment on patients that will make them better").
All of which is to say, I'm not active in the fandom, but I'd still wanna tag House in the above mentioned post but with "his boss and coworkers" instead of "the fandom" asdgasjkdh
#i have half a mind of putting this in the tag#idk i'm feeling ~adventurous~ I guess lmao#I don't remember if House really Gets Worse As A Person in later seasons or if his German VA just gave him a different vibe#Bc I originally watched most of it in German (aside from the last season because it wasn't out yet or I couldn't find it)#And his German voice is definitely more... Rough#English House seems so much nicer than what I remembered but idk if that's Early Season or if it's really the voice#I... may or may not find out idk I was not expecting getting back into House MD to last more than a day but here we are#eh it's now in the general search anyway might as well throw it in the tag too#house md#hate crimes md
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless#ok gonna start rambling here a bit#vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society#in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing#drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful#i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard#sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames#oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school#i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor#what is up with these neurologists man#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome#don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually#and i'm fucking amazing at drawing
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Three of them
#fire emblem#feh#DIRECTLY INSPIRED by how sometimes i like to cheat in heroes journey and bring duo al/sharena LMFAOO#two of them and some other guy. idk when it happened it just integrated here.#world is a fuck born to tag along. this applies to BOTH moe and sharena i think.#it is so funny and so important to me actually that 'sometimes there's a third one' applies to both of them#anyways please please PLEASE read into the characterization in the poses bc i'm going to throw up. and cry#like fuck i'll do it for you actually LMFAO like moe is just silly. nosferatu ass. why do you sleep like that.#it doesn't like being touched a whole lot though. it's extremely picky about it. it's easier to hold a stuffed animal instead.#alfonse has a higher tolerance for touch but it's still situational. but when he touches he clings.#also. one hand gripping the plush goat ear. an acknowledgement of moe's boundaries.#and the other hand. lightly subconsciously holding on to a tuft of sharena's hair.#sharena has grown out of being super cuddly w alfonse but she will take any and every opportunity to 'steal body warmth'#she also directly mirrors him.#also i think whenever she shares a bed/sleeping area w someone she's a bed hog. she is pushing you off that thang#if you're not Willing to be smooshed by her. also. which is why alfonse is acting as a barrier here too LMFAO#like it's just a tiny doodle esp cause i didn't have the energy to do more but it made me ache so bad#that i threw up and exploded and died. badly.#fe alfonse#sharena#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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So.
#so remember that school that I didn't go to bc in the end it would just be way too expensive to take on and I kinda spiraled and lost#all sense of self and I've kinda been drifting for the last year trying to figure out what to do with my life#well apparently my parents have been talking with the school behind my back and for the last few months they have been working out#payment deals and financial aid and today they got a call back with an offer that they like feel happy with and idk what to do#I wanted to go so so badly this time last year that it was literally soul crushing that I couldn't go#but I've also spent the last year convincing myself that this was actually a good thing and I've been looking into new schools#and I don't fucking know someone tell me what to do bc I have no idea what I'm feeling I'm kinda shutting down and I have to make#a decision by the first#sstfu.txt#how am I supposed to make such a huge life altering choice in two weeks I'm gonna throw up#my best friend is states away and my other best friend is in the city I just want someone here to hug me and tell me what to do
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trying to figure out Lomion's relationships for the reverse gondolin au - so far I have Rog as his mentor instead of Eol and Celegorm as his "uncle". he's not particularly close with Idril, but Turgon helps him with the politics/statecraft stuff. anyways I can't figure out a marriage candidate for him for heir-identification purposes so
#silm#silmarillion#reverse gondolin au#not art#lomion#i dont really have any ship/sexuality headcanons for lomion#so idk who to stick him with#but he is the high king after all and does need somewhere for the crown to go in the case of his likely demise#maedhros can get away with zero children because he has plenty of brothers & cousins#but sadly lomion is an only child (or at least the only surviving child...?)#and by his reign most of his family has been wiped out#idril still sails in the au so she cant inherit#i think celebrimbor is the only close friend/family he has living after the destruction of gondolin??#celebrimbor def would not *want* to be king but i could see him taking the crown in an emergency#so that sauron/morgoth/whoever would focus on him and give his family/people time to escape#the lomion/tyelpe idea actually happened bc i was thinking about if he should be obsessed with the opposite cousin the au#since idril is like 300some years younger than him and they didn't meet until much later#and anyways they're even more cousins-removed than russingon so it should be fine right? lol#the other main marriage option im considering is giving one of the other Lords a kid#maybe egalmoth can have a random daughter somewhere in there?#i don't want to make it too much of a 'random person + random heir kid' situation#so maybe he can just adopt a kid? but then if he dies early the kid is too young#(bc he doesnt have a kid when idril arrives)#also gil galad is younger here to make the timelines work#anyways and if he dies early and his kid is too young but he's also not married and has no siblings then idk who would be regent#bc by the end of the FA i'm aiming to have turgon & aredhel dead; elwing & earendil dead/departed; tuor dead; and idril sailed#and then that leaves like nobody alive family wise#aaagh help me i have no idea who inherits after him#like. does celebrimbor have to be king for a few hundred years? he probably would sooner dissolve the formal kingship than deal with that#or do i throw it back at gil galad? how does gil even get to gondolin?? where does he come from
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me: weird, I’m not able to reblog anymore? If I click reblog nothing pops up. I notice ublock origin’s counter keeps going up, what gives?
tumblr:
why the fuck is a wordpress pixel preventing me from reblogging you loser ass website. I’m not on wordpress, this breakage shouldn’t be happening.
Tbf, if I open a new tab or refresh the page I’m able to reblog again - but if I’m deep in the dash that’s obviously not the ideal move to make. I’m assuming this has something to do with the new UI Tumblr’s using because this hasn’t happened before.
Also, having refreshed the page and basically JUST making this post - can you fucking not??
Maybe it’s because I have the logger open so it’s not refreshing things but uhhh yeah this is dumb, whatever’s happening here.
On top of my heart kinda racing (bad) by just using the new UI because it feels like I’m on twitter again I’m just so annoyed with everything @staff is doing >.> STOP IT god dammit
#if your website breaks because I'm using ublock origin - I'm not using your website#thankfully the app is there and it Seems I can refresh the page desktop to reblog again but god....#why r y'all so hellbent on making me hate it here lol. I keep trying to say I love the community then tumblr throws another curveball#like hey!! do you want a new shitty update you didn't ask for?? here 🤲#the twitterfication of tumblr includes finding unique ways to make you at least little angry or annoyed every day >.>#uhhhh on top of twitter going to hell and twitter ppl joining tumblr. I Can Tell bc there's def a lot more discourse posts floating around#the past couple of weeks. It's too late for the rent lowering gunshots huh?#like the ecosystem here improved significantly when the reddit folk came over then twitter implemented a post view limit and#almost immediately twitter ppl came over and kinda offset the reddit ppl 😭 idk things r p chill over at cohost#i gotta work on building out my circles over there and finding more ppl because it's a genuinely fun place and as time goes on feels#more and more like tumblr than fucking tumblr itself does. I'm still here bc i'm invested in my mutuals and the artists I follow.#I wouldn't be surprised if at some point I just plug an API and stream posts from artists somewhere else so I don't#even have to be on here anymore.
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cannot stop thinking about yungi youth mv
#like what if i throw up#it's about the trauma and the tiredness and picking yourself back up and moving on it's about friendship and home#they lost sight of each other when they were so focused on themselves and their own shit#the shot of mingi in front of the mirrors where the center one is himself and the rest are yunho with his back towards him like !!!!!!!!!!!!#their old coping mechanisms not working#mingi used to use music to shut out the world so he could be alone but now it brings him back to yunho but yunho isn't THEREEEEE#yunho picked up his lore!brother's guitar bc it had been his dream before he died and he was grieving him but here he's smashing it on the-#-wrecked car the thing that took his brother away from him#and u can SEE yunho dancing in the burning house even in the 2 different sets u see flames through the windows#and mingi is watching the cabin burn alone until yunho walks into frame and we can breathe bc he's no longer trapping himself in that house#AND THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNS TO MINGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IT'S LIKE. WE'RE BOTH HERE. WE MADE IT AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER.#gonna puke. idk if anything i've said makes sense it's after midnight and my head is a jumble they just got me feeling a lot#it's about the loneliness it's about the grief it's about watching ur past in third person it's about returning to yourself in the present#mingi i love u forever and ever. his lyrics have always hit the hardest like he Gets me#god this is just such a fever era song so ofc i'm obsessed like the lyrics in that series just fuckin HIT#they talk abt how hard and lonely and scary and confusing and tiring it is growing up and i start thrashing and clawing at the walls#how wonderful to not only be alive at the same time as atz but to be the same age & have similar experiences so their music feels like a hug#like. i'm not alone huh#ANYWAY. did not come here with the intention of saying anything in the tags i was just gonna post that picture but alas#kara can talk
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fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore
#she bork#tbd#like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is#insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not#hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a#fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!!#what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on#my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just#gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day#w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis#but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't#mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like#eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or#unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere#else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting#into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of#waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin#care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying#to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i#have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of#supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some#expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but#i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it#always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just#not doing it for me anymore#ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a#sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not#particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun
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another year, another long sigh as I watch people get excited about Revoice from afar
#ive been wanting to go for. jeez. how many years now? four? five?#thought i finally could this year since ive moved out but i cant afford the price of a ticket *and* flight *and* hotel#and even if i could i cant get the time off because it overlaps with a coworker's vacation#i feel so disconnected from the larger side b community bc most everyone is on fb or twitter which i dont use#moved to a new area and have no idea who is out here#havent had an opportunity to meet up w the one person i know is kinda nearby#just sucks. i'm glad for my little online community but it feels like i'm on an island#throw in the autism which makes it hard to connect w ppl irl anyway. and the gender stuff. and idk#maybe i'm better off staying in my lil corner
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Tumblr, I am disappoint. A couple of years ago a sizeable chunk of you history nerds were nuts for The Longest Day in Chang'an and now, when I finally managed to finish it (it was AWESOME; one of the best shows I've ever seen, full stop) I come online and find
A) WHY DID NOBODY WARN ME ABOUT GENERAL GAN SHOUCHENG and
B) WHERE IS ALL THE THIRSTY GENERAL GAN CONTENT?! Now, I know that cdrama fandom is pretty chaste and that in much of Asia, perving is something you keep private and I can respect that. Ok. Cultural differences, I'm cool with that. I'll keep the lewdz to my Pillowfort.
But still! Look at him! A hot baddie with stupendous amounts of guyliner and a carefully coiffed Beard of Evil, he gets a scene like this, and there's no chaste and ladylike swooning or oohing or aahing, even?!?!
#in other news#grouse has a side crush#only about 10% of what i feel for connie bc it's a human and not a god i'm crushing on here#but it's still pretty ooooh#it's like someone put fadl and lau in a blender#and served me with kinda the same level of angry horn i have for baz#that kind of situation#i'm not even tagging this appropriately bc i fear i'll get yelled at by someone bc this is tumblr#and i'm keeping the pervy tags to pillowfort#but#uh#hi#i need help#so tell me if there's content#i'm fine with even gen fic if there's fic#the actor keeps changing his name too so this isn't making things any easier#i know he got into trouble some 10+ years ago or whatever but i understand dude reformed and made a comeback#but when china cancels you they want you to stay cancelled#which hardly motivates anyone to reform now does it?#so idk if this guy's even working anymore#also tan qi is so badass i can't even ship her with him#i mean normally i'm all about throwing a goodie to be glomped by the baddie and making them enjoy it despite themselves#but it's be too ooc for her#having said that if it exists in well-written form i may consider reading it#otherwise i want him back in s2 thanks#just so tan qi can rip his eyes out#as nice as his eyes look with all that guyliner#oh god i need to come up with a lady oc to pair him with bc he's too hot to leave without#so maybe lin jiu lang has a hot bored wife and she sees the handsome general pacing the courtyard#like an angry tiger ready to pounce
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EMBARRASSED...
#i. drew a low effort comic today that was meant to be low effort but i'm still nitpicking tiny bits of it#and also. it is so unlike me... to be embarrassed about whatever i do w moe/alfonse...#i don't believe in being embarrassed and i don't believe in cringe. i don't even believe in 'be cringe and free'#bc i straight up don't believe in cringe. huge for my life philosophy and being autistic in general#but like...... this is.. looking directly into my soul.... as if. all of my art isn't just That LMFAO BUT. please understand.....#literally like. men (me) only want One Thing and it's DISGUSTING 😒😒😒 (wwugh. wwaghghh. wwwaughhhhgh. wauughhhh)#but man also like. i go a few days dojng something else and i'm gonna throw up. WHERE IS IT. WHERE IS MY GUY. MOE .#moe is so powerful it is the only oc ever that has achieved a place in the autism special interest. INSANE.#like i get this way if i don't draw alfonse for too long (WHICH I EAS. ALSO FEELING. BADLY)#AND i get this way if i don't draw sharena too long too (but that one sneaks up on me more.)#like i'll just be chillin for A While and then suddenly i'm gonna throw up bc i haven't drawn her blonde/pink gradient for too long#and i MISS HER. BADLY#all of fhis is to say it turns out i get like this w moe too. i'm going to be Sick.#if i don't draw it lovingly 1000 times also w alfonse adoringly by its side. THE AFFLICTION........ IS CHRONIC ...... AND SEVERE#but it's.... so.. like ... well. idk if there's anything to clean up here i thiink i'm just 🫣
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Oh hilarious I have misinterpreted/misremembered tiefling lore in the pursuit of Chant's backstory
This is... hm this is fine I can swing with it. Or ignore it! This is my sandbox and I do what I want!
#this is your disaster speaking#i assumed tieflings were born of *any* race that made a warlock pact#not just humans#so half her family is elfy#idk if i thought this from... vox machina? or just not generally going#''ah yes pointy ears. obviously.''#which is valid actually#but anyway the family progenitor actually being human. could perhaps make sense#they're largely tiefs now anyway#we can throw some elves in there for shits'n'gigs y'know?#anyway I'm working out backstory stuff bc of bg3 once again#it's not the part i was gonna think about but here we are!!
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Committed a social faux pas today and I hate it
#i have 2 licenses bc i just haven't gotten around to destroying my old one yet#i have them both in my wallet#i accidentally had the old one on top of the new one when i went to but cider out of state#they were like this one's expired so we can't sell it to you#but I'm 30 let me get you the one that's not expired#so i dropped the correct license on the counter while i fished out my credit card#and they were like 'okay but next time don't throw your license'#but like??? i dropped it on the counter for them so i could get my card???#and they were like 'we're nice people' don't be so rude and idk they made me feel weird and bad#anyways as much as i like traveling i don't like feeling so... out of my depth#in ny that's just like a normal thing i think? like here have my license while i get you money#idk I'm tired and i was driving all day and i feel weird and bad for committing this faux pas#then they started saying like 'use this machine if your license is expired to print out an id' like... what?#idk i wanted to crawl in a hole and die#thanks rsd#it's been... it's been a long week#and I'm tired#on Tuesday though I'm calling up the apartment places I'm looking at to set up tours for while I'm in OR in June#people were like 'well why not Nashville since your bro lives there' fuck no Tennessee is the worst like yes it's ecologically beautiful#but i like having rights to things like trans healthcare and abortions#there are only a couple of places in comfortable living in the us and that's the northeast minus Maine and the West Coast#odt#it's actually been a long month tbh#i feel like i forgot something at work#and i don't have my work laptop and I'm nervous now#oh well
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... My parents really for real are leaving the uncleaned, rotten potato juice and other misc unknown juice infested, LITERALLY FRUIT FLY LARVAE INFESTED, cupboards, in the bathroom,
For like the 4th day starting today if I am counting right
Sure just don't let me shower sure just let me get paranoid over the larvae sure make me not trust the bathtub for like a week sure let the place get more infested sure let it stink up the whole place SURE LEAVE THE FUCKING BATHROOM UNUSABLE
#I was the one who found the cupboard btw#They fr left shit there for months#Never checked it#Bc I don't cook or stay in the kitchen a long time unless I'm actively seeking Being Alone and Not Food#I never checked#Whole place infested with fruit flies#Thousands so many#'haha guess it's summer gotta be the trash' mom says#Then I try finding the source myself on an already extremely low appetite#....... Yea let's just say I just had to comfort food it out again after my discovery. So bad.#I know they've had work but. Uhm. Today home all day. Are they seriously not gonna clean it unless I say#I'M NOT DOING IT I'LL THROW UP + IDK HOW TO DO IT DO I LOOK LIKE I'VE BEEN TAUGHT#TO CLEAN ANYTHING#We don't even have basic cleaning supplies.#They always leave gross buckets of gross?? UNKNOWN LIQUIDS#In there for DAYS#And I CANT TAKE A BATH JNLESS I ASK SOMEONE#FOR#DAYS#LEAST HYGIENIC FUCKING HOUSE JESUS CHRIST I GET TOLD MY ROOM IS GROSS AND DIRTY#BUT ITS THE CLEANEST PLACE IN THE HOUSEEEEEE#Would be better if WE DIDNT LOSE THE WHOLE VACUUM SOMEHOW#Where IS IT.#I can't with this house#Vent#Sorry I'm talking abt this situation a lot (@my friends)#Like Uhm I wanna shower. I haven't since my Transgender Werewolf Period began#No since BEFORE IT. I'm DISGUSTING. PLEASE. GET THE LARVAE INFESTED THING OUT OF HERE#AAHHHHHHHH#I'M WRITING THIS BC KM AVOIDING BRUSHING MY TEETH NEAR THIS THING.
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Reason #345734 why I don't tell my mom shit.
Her pain and suffering is the only kind she cares about, and she'll play stupid games with me like ghost me for 3+ weeks after a minor surgery, just to make sure I'm worried enough about her life to check, so she "has permission" to start in with the talking my ear off about her problems without boundaries or preamble. She won't know shit about my issues til after they're over (if she hears about them at all) bc she never asks a damn thing about my life, and literally only ever leaves room for herself and her feelings in any equation literally ever and then peaces tf out like. Bitch I'm permanently disabled and in a degenerative spiral that's gonna last my whole fkn life, and you're still bitching about yourself? Wanting me to cater to your emotions when you haven't even spared a CRUMB of consideration in return?
FUck all the way off.
Should have known that if she had died or sth bad happened, I'd have heard something right away. After 30+ yrs of her pulling the "yeah my kid tried to kill themself for the 7th time, but have you asked ME how hard it is to raise them doing the nothing I have been, bc I still don't know them as a person at all or even try to? Where's the compassion?!" shit... you'd think I would know better, but my compassion gets me fucked over YET AGAIN.
If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty. If she's being flighty, she's being petty.
Back to no contact.
Let the bitch suffocate if she can't self soothe.
#idk how many chances she's gonna get in this life and she's still playing stupid games with my fkn emotions and banking stupid ass prizes#frfrfr every “nice” thing she does is usually laced with something she knows damn well I hate so she can use my reactions against me bc#she just wants to have a nice peaceful time throwing me a bday party i didnt want with cake i don't like and getting butthurt when i don't#lie to her face and spare her feelings and literally replace my own boundaries with hers instead#wonder where I got the minimization of my own problems from hhhhhhh bitingbitingbiting#this shit is why it took over a decade to even get the autoimmune diagnoses i needed to understand why i was infirmed half my fkn life but#noooo she's gotta make everything about her#i never get a “hi how are you” just months of no contact followed by all her drama in a full discography without even checking to make sure#i'm in a space to be carrying all that shit#which as a chronically ill and fatigued person it's just courteous to ask before you dump shit on them if you know they're gonna be tired?#it costs zero dollars to check on someone before you dump every article of your dirty laundry on them and throw a pity party without consen#i can also be guilty of venting too but ffs at least i check in on my vent friends if i go too hard and try and keep shit stirring to a min#nvm the last time i told her anything it was to say i got those diagnoses and actually have medical reasons for my permanent exhaustion#and she turned it into a fkn competition!!!!!!!!!!#this bitch only cares about herself it literally doesn't matter if she's well or sick it's all about her and what she wants out of it#never once did i get anything to the degree of 'what would you like to happen/where are your boundaries here' bc she doesn't fkn care#so i am done giving her the grace she doesn't need and hasn't yet earned back bc i'm not putting her needs before mine again fuck that#fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck this shit i'm out~#vent rant#pls ignore
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#i'm fine btw lol#i talk a lot abt killing myself for someone who's probably not gonna do it#tried before and it famously didn't work . which is why y'all have to suffer and deal with me now 😻#but it's fine i won't do it#i will just dream abt doing it until i die fr one day#hopefully sooner rather than later#such is my life . life fucking sucks i hate being alive etc etc#nothing tethering me to lifeeeeee and that's fine i've come to understand that nothing remains meaningful to me apparently#i need to put my head in the oven or smth#damn dude i should just kms but it's like . 😮💨 you know . hard to think it might not work again etc etc#lol idk#school is starting again and i've never been more suicidal in my life i think like wow#i really do not want to do this ... but it's cool 🫂 who cares#i'll suck it up and get the fuck over myself and deal with#like either i do it or i get kicked out.. i don't really have much of a choice 😮💨🤲 so#anyway... i'm fine really... it doesn't matter anyway... even if i wasn't bc there's literally nothing to do abt it so why bother#i'm going to go and try to stomach some food bc i've been throwing up everything i've been eating bc of how stressed i am#and then i'll just . lie down on the floor and patiently wait for tmmr#i'm really tired 👍 like beyond the regular usage of the word tired.. m fucking exhausted...#blah blah blah wah wah wah my life sucks you guys are sick of this so i will shut up but i think i'm not gonna be super active on here#anymore bc of school so 🫡 just figured i would log out but im sad so who i be if i didn't make some depressing text post abt killing myself#before i did. that 👍 jrjrjdkdkdkd lol#dl#neg
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