#so i'm not Mad or Annoyed or anything
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i always forget how much a lot of people really hate Danganronpa and anything to do with it until i step out of my DR Bubble and see the tags on things that have Broken Containment
#danganronpa#good lord#everyone has their own Tastes#and i'm new to the Fandom so maybe things used to be very bad#so i'm not Mad or Annoyed or anything#just kind of Shocked#this fandom has been nothing but good for me and made me so many Great Friends#and kickstarted my creativity into high gear#so the sheer Disgust and Hatred from some corners of the internet is like#???#but it is what it is
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sergle i thought you didn't like ppl objectifying you :/
god okay this gave me whiplash. make sure you remember how to read before proceeding. sound words out for a friend or family member if you need to. People Being Thirsty in my general direction is different from people like. seeing me only as JO material. I Don't Like people thinking they're smooth as hell trying to dm me what they assume women want to hear. Describing some cringe ass shit. I Do Like a compliment. I even like a compliment that is clearly thirsty. I don't think "I've jacked off to you" is a compliment. not from yall anyway. super controversial, I know. a fat fetish blog following me and reblogging my selfies Is objectification. someone being vaguely horny can be good, or bad, or funny and I show it to ppl on discord and laugh- depends on the specifics. Most of the people following me are too uwu to even get close to the line. they've backed so far away from the line out of fear that they tripped over something while they were backing up and it was embarrassing for them. People trying to push me into sex work specifically while I'm fundraising, because they know I'm more vulnerable at that time and they want to take advantage of me needing money, is definitely sexual harassment, that's definitely me being objectified. the ask I just got, though, was not that. 😭 just telling me that some girls think I'm hot? that is tepid as hell. thinking someone is attractive isn't objectifying them. all attraction is not objectification. please. work with me here
#also I'm just a regular lady and I am more lenient on some days and more annoyed on others#but like the type of thing I was just sent. is nothing. that isn't anything.#that's not on the list of crazy things ppl have said or done#sergle answers#it's so. funny? i guess is a word to use#it's so funny to me the way that- if I'm trying to establish a boundary. I get people who are annoyed.#and if I want to like. god I don't think I've ever posted a thirst trap. but if I post something like that. then people are annoyed.#if I accept a thirsty ask then people are mad on my behalf. if I'm mad at it I get asks about how I should be grateful#like people saying I should take the deals for selling pics/videos or start an OF because#''some girls make a fraction of that amount''#so I should do it what. out of obligation? yeah that's a great reason to get my pussy out#so many conflictions from people. and then there's ppl who don't know what a line is or where it is#so they always think it's crossed at the wrong time. and are unaware when it actually Has been crossed.
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N*loth is literally prime NPD representation and that's just how it is. Dat's just how i feel . if iiiiiii hear anyhing ab him needing to be humbled or put in his place i'll just tear my hair out right here and match his look. not even trying to lift him up or defend him i'm just defending the mentally ill skajrim characters nobody wants to understand,
#text#literally sick to my stomach from people sayin that shit omfg#no i'm exaggerating but be serious#my sk*rim NPD trifecta is n*loth + s*ddgeir + m*raak#s*ddgeir is the one you all should be humbling cause he's just gay (derogatory)) and materialistic#i swear n*loth didn't do anythign to any of you people he doesn't even like fancy stuff even tho he has the bag#people see a smart bih with a rocket science degree and just wanna say she needs to be '' '' put in her place '' '''#my hyper sk*rim character rambling. .. but seriously tho...#i think 2 this site its: traumatized character = 'sad wet cat'#intimidating woman = 'MAMA DOM'#and character with blown out ego = 'actually pathetic'#like i'll start swinging idc#m*raak is a good personification of NPD cause he doesn't wanna believeee there's someone better than him in his 'skill'#notice how he's Always throwing shit on U for no reason#he's so mad. lols#the entire DB DLC is about m*raak's NPD and how it consumed him. very artistic..#but n*loth i find to be extremely realistic even in the little things#how his NPD isn't an escape from anything but just pillars of his existence#+how his ego doesn't help w/ not caring about wat others think about him.. he neeeeds that validation to feel good 2#but not to survive. his Ego can carry him on it's own#i'll defend n*loth's mental illnesses with my life idrc abt m*raak's diagnosis tho just cause he annoys me from the gameplay LMFAO BYE#if i sound crazy when i post shid likethis it's cause you don't LOVE sk*rim like i do.........rubbing my temples
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i am going to wind up on team #justiceforarmand but it's going to be so situational. justice for armand specifically during the period of time louis is all "oooh who needs labels." a very different kind of justice for armand on matters pertaining to claudia.
#usually i would be like 70 years???#that's just your husband. sit in your choices as u might say#obsessing over your first love isn't going to change anything about what you decided to do and who you decided to do it with#but in light of claudia i'm forced to be like hm. well if you just wanted to torment him by dangling yourself in front of him for decades#that would be valid. like you should probably do more and worse but the time for that was before he did the atrocities to your child#so. here we are!#press says iwtv#interview with the vampire#the thing is i love claudia in all mediums she's my girl#but this version is so vulnerable and actually desperate for louis to see her and choose her#whereas while that's not absent from book!claudia she is notably higher on both louis and lestat's list of priorities#and i think more of a player. not that show!claudia isn't shooting her shot but u would never catch book claudia joining the bad news cult#because she's that desperate to be loved#book!lestat genuinely wanted her to stop being mad at him for cursing her to exist in the way they do and go back to playing happy families#evil of my evil etc#louis is sick of their mutual misery but armand really had to fuck with his head to bring the madeline situation about#also i am faintly annoyed that we don't see her souring on the possibility of making friends within the coven more directly#like did she conclude they'd turned too inward to be friends the moment she got that dress?#anyway. regardless. does she not deserve love? and mass murder?
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Scene Awsten Hair (And some bonus clothes)
While I made hair for Awsten before, I was never satisfied with the shape of the scene hair, and for a long time I felt this base mesh from Backyard Stuff, which I kept thinking was from Cool Kitchen Stuff, for awhile, would be perfect. But the bangs went the wrong way, so I decided to mirror the mesh in Blender, as that is like the only hair related thing I can modify, but then the UV mapping on the back was off, if you wanted to know why I screenshotted a lot of low angles, so I fixed that. And I'm really picky about which direction bangs fall. :)
Due to it being a mesh edit, it should not require any packs, tho due to the UV mapping editing, this hair is just standalone. Not to fret! In case you REALLY want this hair mirrored with the default textures and UV mapping, I made that too.
Pictured above is how Awsten normally treats me in this game. Due to how I made all this hair for him, I am able to have outfits for him and up to 4 different hairs with all different colors. The tricolor I use all the time, red & black for a few specific outfits, blue for just one, and now scene for two. This only matters to me really, but in case you're like me and like your Sims to change hair style and color a lot.
Scene Awsten Hair
Mirrored Backyard Stuff Hair
As a bonus, as I'm never gonna get to share these otherwise, I made some shirt and shoe recolors for him, the shoes and long stripes shirt are extra swatches onto vanilla stuff, the striped t-shirt is standalone. I spent like an hour on the damn shoes, I am sharing them. Oh and fingernails too. Those come with a second swatch for Jack, so two swatches. All should be base game. The shoes and tshirt come with extra swatches, the long sleeved shirt just has the one.
Striped T-shirt
Sneakers
Long Sleeved Striped Shirt
Duel Color Fingernails
#sims 4 cc#sims 4#the sims 4#ts4 cc#the sims cc#ts4#sims 4 cas#ts4 cas#cas#awsten knight#waterparks#hair#top#accessories#shoes#fingernails#Sorry about the red glow#werewolf fury you know#I'm trying to use Awsten to do the current Reaper Challenge as idk it felt like something he'd do and plus he already has some crops growin#And his skills are decent enough#Except his fishing sucks but who needs to fish when you can hunt#Anyway he is horrifically unruly and doesn't listen to me and is only saved by being too funny to stay mad at#Cringe from For Rent is the perfect trait for him#For Rent has amazing traits but I couldn't give two fucks about anything else#So I paid $40 to have Awsten dab and annoy other Sims with memes. Worth it? Probably#I even recolored that tie-dye shirt but since it's someone else's CC I'm not sharing it#I try to avoid using other CC for bases if I intend to share something just out of common curtesey#And because in 20 years one of the two halves will be nuked from the internet and impossible to find and that will make me sad#Because I browse Sims 2 CC all the time and constantly run into dead links and missing dependencies for the best looking emo hair this side#of 2004 and it kills me every time. I make a lot of random things and don't want to share if I didn't make it all or it's not half vanilla.
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trying to finish reading dungeon meshi now that it's done and just seeing everyone in the comments talking about ships. gun to my head
#ofc anytime someone says they ship smth straight someone has to be like 'ermmmm labru and farcille are better' like. not to me.... sorry#i actually do like farcille but people are so annoying about it acting like it's 'essentially canon' that it puts me off.#tbf that why i dislike a lottttt of ships LMAO not that i'm in the habit of caring abt it too much in most media#but sometimes it just really annoys me liiike laios and marcille have just as much ship tease as farcille (if not more)#but they couldn't get naked and go in the bath together so it doesn't count ig#tbf i'm not even huge on any ships except maybe fleki and lycion. i love when two equally weird ppl love each other#also like. they already had someone in the story who was head over heels for falin and i'm pretty sure shuro and marcille act nothing alike#when it comes to her. so. eh. i mean yadda yadda subtext or whatever i guess lol but if it can just as easily read as not romantic then#i kinda find it hard to care honestly. which is why i don't really ship anything from it. which brings me back to my original point#why is that basically all people talk about when it comes to anything... it should be a garnish not the whole god damn dish#and there's soooooo much in dungeon meshi that's more interesting than romance which is basically never once a priority#anyways. i'm just being an asshole and a hater as usual so go about your business and do what you want. i'll just be mad about it alone#labru is so nothing burger though i will never understand...
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Saw the Epilogue for Liar Satsuki just now and yeah no, I was coping when I thought it'd make things better. I still can't believe Akira and Satsuki didn't end up together. After EVERYTHING these two have been through together. Komachi is not even slightly as relevant for most of the manga, and you can say what you want about both their abilities tying them together thematically and what not, but frankly the entire manga set it up such that Akira x Satsuki was the obvious choice.
#unma rambles#liar satsuki can see death#usotsuki satsuki wa shi ga mieru#also the dad thing is... fine. Could've been done better if it was given more chapters to breathe#and the way he acted to her still makes me upset thinking about it#so seeing him forgive Satsuki but not acknowledge how much he's hurt her really annoys me#bullshit that things will get better fucking tell your daughter sorry#okay I'm sure he probably says it off screen given it ends on “We need to have a talk” but like#I can't just accept that#but this is just a me thing tbh#at the end of the day it's fine#honestly this is probably the first yuri to leave me so annoyed at its ending#I've read and dropped bad yuri before#not often does it leave me annoyed because I have a high tolerance#but like#wow this is the first time I've been mad at the ending of a love triangle#and part of that is that one side of the love triangle didn't even exist!#it appeared in the last few chapters and suddenly won#it makes no sense from anything but a thematic standpoint#and even then it fucking sucks on that point because Komachi and Satsuki barely interact directly compared to Akira#like if you wanted Satsuki x Komachi to be endgame#YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE SO MUCH TO MAKE THE READERS LIKE SATSUKI X AKIRA#the collective despair of the mangadex comment section upon realizing that this was the ending they were getting#yeah. I felt the same way man#okay that's it. I have things to do. ramble over.#rambling in the tags
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Honestly the roleplay blogs are stronger than I am because if I saw a post where people were saying my blog was annoying and calling me corny I would jump in a large pit and rot away
#I don't think I should tag this one#Okay I've typed my emotions out. For a more normal way to put it: While it makes sense to be upset#best move. I'm sure the blogs in question would be happier if you just told them about the roleplay guidelines than if you made a post#where multiple people call them annoying. Like can you imagine if someone said that about a writing blog#'So sick of x reader fics in the tag I don't want to see that and they're all so out of character' What a dick move.#It is a different case with rp blogs I'll give you that. But I think the principle of the matter stands#unless it doesn't and everything I said is stupid#original ramble below I was so mad for some reason. im not mad at anyone really. everyone is cool. love you guys#I get why people are unhappy that theyre clogging up the tags#like despiar dev said not to and people want to see content of despiar thyme not just ask blogs#I saw someone say they just blocked them and like. I get why. however. people do not know everything#but my brother in Christ you're not helping the matter!!!!!!!!1 send them a screenshot of what despiar dev said!!!!help other people!!!!!!!#just politely tell them instead of weirdly vague posting it helps everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe they just don't know#misspelling the tags so no one finds this post. I will actually be so pissed if people find this and r upset#Oh I'm sorry THIS is the post you're noticing? You have followed me for over six months and you haven't said anything about any other negat#negative feelings i've expressed. I see how it is#I wish the drdt confessions account was still open but whatever fucking whatever#sui mention#personal vent#whatever I guess
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i have so many left. blasters t why are you like this istg.
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#sighhhhhhhh#i've only finished the cluvian keyhole. and i've started on all the cluphinix ones#i'll have to go back to the suspicious room soon i think#i still don't understand how the t level works which is super annoying because the level scaling is so weird???#why does the cluphinx spade mouth end at level 80 the other two only go up to level 60.......#apparently they were version-exclusives in the japanese version??? like fuck sukiyaki players i guess jeez-#... does that mean i only have to do one?????? how does blasters t work i'm so confused#oh i don't even have to do any of the cluphinx ones. fun i'm just wasting my time. i love blasters t so much#sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh#blasters t is fun tbh but it is also so annoying at the same time i just want to be done already#THIS ISN'T EVEN GONNA GET ME ALL THE QUESTS I'M MISSING I'M PRETTY SURE SOME#ARE LOCKED BEHIND THE TOWER OF ZENLIGHTENMENT TOO#i'm just mad i finished all the hailey quests honestly :////// didn't even get anything in return#whapir's just eternally telling me i don't have any detective requests. i never will again-
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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I am genuinely upset about Andi! WTF is FSG doing? She's one of the best in the entire league! The pens online presense was top tier but with ITR gone last year, and now Andi, I don't have any idea what their plans are. Please let Jen be safe! I'm sure Andi will find a place. I'm not too worried for her. The Pens media department tho
I really wish her the best in whatever she does next. She was at the helm at the peak of the Pens' social media engagement and prominence, and while that fell off as she ascended the ladder and became a VP/further removed from the day-to-day posting, I think she did a ton of good work here.
I'll be very interested in how the department reconfigures in her absence. There seem to be a lot of power vacuums right now, with lots of people with long tenures at the Pens departing. Part of me hopes there's a chance for young blood; other teams have been doing more innovative, more curious, and more creative stuff in terms of their media. While losing legacy employees is a loss, I can only hope that there's an infusion of youthful, out-of-the-box thinking coming our team's way. It's the best we can hope for.
#I'd be galled if jen were let go frankly. like sure no one is too high up to be safe w/e but she is HIGH UP#and she's very ingratiated w/ the players (think about geno's “I want to go home jen” lol)#while I don't doubt andi was a familiar face to them I think they rely on jen a *lot*.#I think about her interview she did where she said she thought of some of them (kris/sid/g) as her kids lol#but also I thought andi was safe when I read the announcement today so clearly this is all conjecture and I don't claim to KNOW anything#I think our media has been falling behind in the past several years admittedly.#it's hard because I *did* join the fandom when the team was at its peak and I think that makes media/fan engagement easier. you're a winner#but I think it's just a matter of fact that we are not as cutting edge as we once were on our socials#the loss of ITR blows and I'm still mad at FSG for that#but I think they have a chance now to prove they care about getting back to innovation. I don't know that I trust them to execute it though#also I don't want this to be a critique of andi. especially when she's freshly off of losing her role.#this is more about the org itself needing to refocus on being innovative.#they've been a bit too comfortable in a lot of aspects in the past few years. having been to more arenas now and seeing more teams do thing#I have found it easy to say it feels like other teams/orgs are TRYING harder.#seattle puts on a show every game. their in-arena partners are cool. they have live music before every game. they have a freakin' drum line#y'know? pittsburgh had.... a really annoying train airhorn this season that they abandoned halfway through lol#the spirit of innovation has been gone for a few years now. if this gets it back... well we'll all be lucky IF that happens.
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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Hermitcraftblr is so fucking vile and toxic towards dtblr EVERY SINGLE TIME despite us literally being in our own lane all the time idk it's so frustrating seeing the way we're treated like ok you don't have to like the ccs we stan but you can treat us like equals in a fandom space without being awful.....how yall want to preach about being one of the nicest subblrs after the shit you pulled during the mcytblr sexyman polls and anytime afterwards whenever we've been involved is fucking beyond me
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i updated my rpg runs carrd to include da4! :') my brother regularly accuses me of making all my player characters look the same, so i'm self-aware don't worry hahaha
i've beaten bg3 nine times oops 😶🌫️
#chelle.txt#no spoilers or anything haha just builds and stuff#i still don't quite understand da4 builds 🤔#i'm used to the dnd SAD/MAD system and 'damage is king' mentality#and bg3 gear interactions and blah blah#the da4 system...... why are all the numbers so BIG 😭✋#what is a good number for armor class????????????#do i have to swap out gear for every enemy i face based on vulnerability/resistance???#so confused#but i'll figure it out haha#currently all that i'm sure of is that percentages are better than flat numbers#i like gaming math 🤓#ok also im annoyed that i cant 'respec' companions HAHA#like what if i want lucanis to stick around but i dont want to rely on necrotic damage#boooooooooo
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reading some batman comics and i always get so excited when Tim is there he's so funny
#also it's nice to know that dick takes his mean/annoying older brother duties seriously#but tims inner dialogue is my favorite#almost cheered when batman carries him out of the sewers bc he's real sick#im specifically trying to read the comics where Cas appears so I'm kinda just jumping in the middle of things#anyway tim and selina are the funniest to be in the minds of#selina is so mad at batman and threatening to kill him in her head until he kisses her and she's like 'okay babygirl whatever you want'#i do love silent void mask batgirl shes so ominous#not having any context besides vague prior knowledge and what they provide is so funny what do you mean selina ran for mayor and staged her#-own assassination??#shoutout to tims fever dreams where his dad accepts him and batman is disappointed in him skip to hours later when B is so proud-#-and carrying his sick ass out because he cares so much#yj tease him about batman being his dad and they are right#it was so boring when it was just batman being emo I'm so happy his kids are here#i did like when he babysat an actual baby for a bit and convinced the women fighting over it to co-parent#like he was kicking ass with one arm cradling a baby just.. because? helena asks where he got the baby and he just doesn't say anything#if your characterization of batman lets him carry around a baby and they're both unbothered by it then that's how you know its good
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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