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stuckonbts · 5 years ago

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Fix you

Jimin x reader

Summary: you both have been in a relationship for some time and you notice a drastic change in him

Warnings: deals with ideas of anorexia and insecurities

Genre: fluff/drama

Words: 2.8K

I hope you enjoy my first write on here :)

It’s been about three months with you and Jimin being flatmates, and another 6 of being together. Jimin loved you with everything he had in him and you knew that from every little to big thing he has ever done.

But in the last 3 months you’ve noticed how he began to change. Seeing him everyday really revealed it to you, he still treated you like the God hand placed stars in your eyes but you could tell something was wrong. You’ve seen him staring at the mirror in two to three outfits before going somewhere and each one looked amazing on him.

He stood in front of the mirror a fourth time with ripped jeans and a black loose long sleeve. He had ran his hands through his hair so many times it began to lose its shape and you saw his eyes glossing over. Finally having enough and now realizing this was more than just an outfit to him you went to him.

He was startled to feel your arms go around him from behind so quickly and you felt him tense up.

“I’m not sure what’s going on, but I hope you know how amazing you look in my eyes.” You said to him while resting your head on the back of his shoulder. His head fell back a bit and you heard a sharp intake of breath.

“I love you.” He said quietly and turning around to hug you properly.

As much as you wished it had stopped, this continued on. You became used to waking up to a cold bed with a little sticky note saying he went for a run and he loves you.

You both were still in college and your first lecture wasn’t until 9, and he didn’t have one that day so you decided to make you both breakfast for when he came back.

“Babe I made breakfast” you said happily as he came in through the door.

While you were still putting it on a plate he kissed your lips “can I save it? I’ll put it in the microwave I just want to shower really quick”

You nodded not thinking anything of it and put his plate in the microwave so it could stay warm while he showered. You finished your breakfast quickly and left to your lecture with a yell to jimin that you were leaving.

After the lecture you grabbed a coffee with one of your friends and finished some short assignments at the coffee shop.

You got home in the later part of the afternoon to walking and hear his music playing. Not obnoxiously loud but you heard it. And absentmindedly you looked over to out your keys on the counter and saw that there was still a plate in the microwave. The pile of dishes you created this morning were now clean and put away and the mess in the kitchen was gone.

He hasn’t eaten today.

“Jiminie,” you called for him. He was in the living room doing sit ups but stopped once he saw you and smiled.

“Hi!” He said overly happy. He looked like a puppy. You walked over to him and sat next to him on the floor.

"How was your day? Thank you for cleaning the kitchen by the way” you said to him while talking his hand in yours and kissing it.

“It’s not a problem. I just wanted to make sure you had time for me after lectures. Or other stuff you wanted to do, I mean you don’t have to hang out with me, although id like it if you did but I did it so you didn’t feel so overwhelmed when you came ho-” you cut him off from his rambles with your hand.

“Jimin, you do know I like being around you right?” He nodded with a grin on his face “so don’t go on a nervous ramble about me hanging out with you because you know I will” he nodded again.

"Then~ you wouldn’t mind watching a movie with me right?” He asked

“I swear if it’s train to Busan again-”

“Please”

“Ugh fine. But your having dinner with me, I’m starving”

He smiled and kissed your cheek and agreed to have dinner with you. You both agreed on pizza delivery but needless to say, he barely ate a slice.

This continued on for the next week in which he was extremely conscious of his food intake and barely ate anything. He drank plenty of water but things started to get serious when he became lightheaded two to three times a day.

You even went as far as to call his mom and ask her what his favorite dishes were so he could eat, and he still barely touched them. He was losing weight inhumanly fast and his close were becoming baggier on him.

You’ve brought it to his attention that you were worried, but he just brushed it off and it lead you guys to fighting.

"Jimin this isn’t good,” you told him.

"Love, I’m okay, I’m just not very hungry.”

“Bullshit! You don’t think I don’t hear your stomach at night?! You think I don’t see you rush to balance yourself when your lightheaded? Do you think this is okay?”

“I’m fine, drop it.” he said and his irritability with you was evident because of this conversation.

“I can’t drop it! Do you know how hard it is to see the person I love suffering like this? I know your suffering jimin and I don’t know why your not talking to me.”

“Because I can’t! If I did you wouldn’t let me do this.” He grabbed his car keys and opened the front door “just leave me alone right now, I’ll be back later.”

“No!” He stopped in his tracks as he heard your voice break through what you were saying. “I don’t want you to end up in the hospital Jimin, your gonna get hurt and I can't… I can't…” You heard him breath but he still shut the door behind him.

You want to bed alone that night. Although you couldn’t sleep. You’d be lying if you said you were crying all night because you weren’t. You were just worried, laying on your side as the anxiety built up that something had happened to him because now it was 2 am and he still wasn’t home. You did start to cry when his phone went to voicemail after you tried him and it didn’t work.

In the middle of your crying you felt the bed dip on his side and it just made your feeling worse. You cried harder but kept as quiet as you could and you felt his arm wrap around your waist and pull you close to him.

He still had his jeans on and you felt it against your legs. He nuzzled his face close to your neck and kissed you there.

“I’m so sorry” he whispered to you and kisses you again. His hold on you grew tighter and you felt a wetness on your neck. You weren’t the only one hurting and if anything, you knew he was hurting so much more than you were.

You didn’t think that what you were fearing would happen the following day - and to a much larger scale. You didn’t think you’d be sitting in the back of an ambulance holding jimin’s hand while he was breathing through an oxygen mask, still unconscious.

In the morning he woke up early to cook you both breakfast. He was going to eat with you, he was going to enjoy you again how he had before. But when you woke up because of the smell of something burning you ran to the kitchen to see jimin passed out on the ground and the stove still on with pancake batter in a pan.

He wasn’t responsive to you at all and his pulse wasn’t as strong as it should have been. How long has it been since he’s eaten? You called 911 and that’s how you found yourself here.

He was given a room and put on an IV like all other patients. The doctors have him vitamin supplements which were given to him through the IV as well because he was very malnourished.

"Are you Mrs. Park?” A nurse asked you.

“Oh no I’m just his girlfriend”

“Well, you are written on his emergency contact information so be prepared,” you nodded your head and rubbed your eyes feeling the weight of your exhaustion getting to you “Hes severely fatigued and he’s developed a case of anorexia.”

You pretty much knew things would lead to this, you knew that If things didn’t stop this was going to happen, you just weren’t aware of how soon it came around. You couldn’t stop it, you couldn’t save him from this.

“So how do we move forward from here?” You asked biting your nails as you felt your eyes still being glossy from earlier but not crying.

“He’s going to have to go to a rehab center, there’s records of him being underweight but no one ever knew he was deliberately trying to lose weight because it never went to a severe extent.” She explained

You nodded again “can I see him yet?”

She gave you a small smile and motioned for you to follow her to his room. Once you got there she opened the door for you and let you in.

You sat in the chair next to his bed and grabbed his hand in yours. You were able to get a good look at him now. See that he was paler, his wrists were skinny and his arms were bony. Even his cheeks were gone, the adorable things you loved so much that you kissed over and over again in the past.

He was weak and you couldn’t be his strength.

You felt his hand squeeze on yours and you looked up to see his eyes open.

“Hey,” you said first

“Hi.” He whispered.

You looked back down at your intertwined hands and took in a shaky breath. “I couldn’t save you from this” you started.

"It wasn’t your fault… I did this to myself” he said.

"Why Jimin?”

“I wanted to be good enough.” You shot your head to him and he knew you were confused. “I never felt content with myself, I always knew I could be better, I could be what people wanted I could be wanted.”

“I want you Jimin” you said to him.

“That’s what I was afraid of, I was afraid that you would see my imperfections and you would start to hate them. Start to hate me. I didn’t want to lose you, I was so afraid I’d lose you because I was so imperfect and I love you so much that I didn’t want that. I was scared of that.”

He was crying to you at this point. You had dropped your head on top of both your hands and cried with him. He did this because of you, he put himself in this situation because of you.

“Jimin…” You knew that you had to let him heal himself, he needed to know that he was worth every piece of you. That he didn’t have to change because to you he was what you wanted, he didn’t have to do anything different. But you couldn’t relay that to him. He needed to learn this himself, he needed to learn to love himself.

"You’re worth everything I can give you,” you explained to him. “You’re worth everything and so much more” you kissed his hand. “No matter how long it is, I’m going to wait for you. I will always wait for you.”

You spent that day by his side knowing it would be your last for a long time. You told the nurse you talked to before to let you know every piece of information she could about the rehab center he was leaving to. Jimin knew he was going, and he knew you would be the one to pack him a suitcase.

This was what he didn’t want, he didn’t want you to go away, he wanted you with him anywhere and everywhere. But he knew you felt that all this was your fault, and he knew that you, more than anything, wanted him to know he never needed to change himself for somebody else. Especially you.

He was gone for seven months. He was only supposed to stay for four but the doctors there didn’t want him to relapse to this again.

Mrs. Park and I have met up a few times since him going away, she’s had contact with him, but on his request we haven’t spoken. She’s told me that he’s doing better and he’s gaining his strength back. He’s eating and seeing therapists. His college studies were temporarily moved to online and the center still updates you on him. His mom told you more than once that he talks about you anytime they speak. He asks if I’m okay, if classes are alright and I’m taking care of myself. He’s said he misses you.

Being away from him so long was hard on you, the first month you dragged yourself through the day, and got everything you needed done on autopilot. You went to see your mom a few times and that helped you when some days it just wasn’t as manageable as others.

It was 5 pm and you were watching an episode of ‘Running Man’ in one of Jimin’s t-shirts that you took from him because you loved it so much.

A knock at your door moved your thoughts away from the show, you reached for your wallet to grab a twenty out of it as you walked to the door. You earlier ordered Chinese because you were simply too lazy to cook tonight. All your class work had been finished for the night and you just wanted to enjoy your time as much as you could.

“Hi how much is it?” You asked as you opened the door and searched your wallet for money because for some reason your wallet was empty. “Umm..” you looked up across the counter to grab your bag and finally found the twenty in the side pocket.

You turned your head towards the front door and stopped in your tracks as your hand was holding the twenty towards him.

“Jimin…” You breathed and put your arm down.

“I’m back” he smiled at you. He was in front of you, your jimin who was tanned and gorgeous and not sick anymore. He was glowing and he radiated his happiness.

You took two steps to him and raised yourself on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck. He didn’t waste time putting his arms around your waist and pushing you against him. He was warm.

“I missed you so much, I waited I swear your mom knows I did i’ve been seeing her and-” you spoke quickly to him as you guys still hugged and he quieted you to stop you from rambling. He pulled you a few centimeters away from him so he could see your face once again.

“I know,” he brought a hand from you waist to place a piece of hair behind your ear. “I have no doubt in my mind you did.” He looked straight at you and kiss your forehead “I missed you too”

That night you both enjoyed Chinese together while you helped unpack his clothes. You missed him. You missed this.

You both didn’t go to bed until late because of how much you were talking. Catching up and telling eachother of your time apart despite what hell it had put you through.

For the first time in months, you went to sleep with him wrapped around you and didn’t wake up to the bed being cold.

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