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dazais-guardian-angel · 1 year ago

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Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

#bungou stray dogs #seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want #but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this #either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it #if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol #maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk #also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing #like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost #not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it-#-would have been extremely different otherwise #i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with #and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story #I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen #BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga #like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible #so I at least am still perfectly happy lol #(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao)#anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already #please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-)#it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda #Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please-#Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭#MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS

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unclewaynemunson · 2 years ago

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Tadaaaa here is the sequel to this post, which came from an ask that got me in a chokehold for days now so kudos to the lovely anon who sent that prompt to me! You can also read the whole thing on ao3 :)

As soon as Eddie got into the passenger seat of his Wayne's truck, he saw the whole world go blurry. He tried to blink away his tears, but it was no use – nothing ever escaped his uncle's notice anyway.

'Wanna tell me what's wrong, boy?' he asked while he started the car.

Eddie grimaced. 'You know how they say you should never meet your heroes?'

'Hm?'

'Well, I met mine. On the fucking train. Just yet.'

Wayne shot him an incredulous glance.

'What was the Black Sabbath guy doin' on a train?'

'What? No, it wasn't... No.'

'The Hobbits guy?'

'Jesus Christ, Wayne, Tolkien died like fifteen years ago, keep up.'

'You want me to keep guessin' or you gonna tell me?'

Eddie rolled his eyes.

'Yeah, no, you wouldn't guess it right anyway. It's this poet.'

'Don't think I ever heard you talk 'bout poetry before,' Wayne remarked.

And that was exactly the thing. Ronan Right had been something... private. Something between Eddie and the faceless blob in his mind that embodied Right – and maybe Jeff. Okay, and Jeff's mom. But it wasn't someone he'd talk people's ears off about on any occasion he got, like he did with plenty of other musicians or writers that he'd get all obsessive about.

Until Steve, that was. Steve, who had been casually listening to his music. Steve, who had recognized the book in his hands and effortlessly opened the floodgates of his obsession. Steve, who had said the most beautiful things about Corroded Coffin without even knowing who Eddie was. Steve, who had talked with him about their shared passions for hours. Steve, who he now somehow had to merge with Right in his mind.

Steve, who seemed so perfect that it made all of Eddie's alarm bells go off at the loudest possible volume. Because this couldn't be real. This was something straight from a disgustingly sweet romcom scenario, and if there was anything Eddie could be certain about, it was that his life was no romcom.

So during the short walk from the station to Wayne's car, Eddie's head had already come up with a dozen scenarios that were completely spiraling out of control – even though they'd all make for great songs, no doubt about that. Steve would die some kind of tragic death on his way to their first date. Steve was secretly addicted to crack. Steve was a stalkerish fan who had lied to him about being Ronan Right to get close to him. Steve would cheat on him on their wedding day.

The list of possibilities was endless and terrifying – while the list of possibilities for this having a happy ending, on the other hand, was exceptionally short.

'Was it that bad?' asked Wayne while they headed out of the city.

Usually, Eddie enjoyed amping up his dramatics to a maximum around Wayne, providing the much-needed balance to his uncle's calm and steady demeanor. But right now, Eddie felt himself deflate in his seat. He couldn't bring himself to make a show out of it.

'No,' he said, quietly. 'He was perfect.'

And Wayne must've heard it in his voice, must've picked up right away that this wasn't Eddie being dramatic, that something serious was going on here, because he gave him this look that was cutting way too deep into his heart.

'Nobody can be that perfect, you know,' Eddie continued. 'It's impossible. And he – he gave me his number. And I just know that if I call it, and we get to know each other better, I'll get crushingly disappointed sooner rather than later. Because something has to be, like, disturbingly wrong with this guy.'

Anyone else than Wayne would probably tell Eddie that he was being ridiculous, that he should get over himself and call Steve; that he should allow himself to let good things happen to him or some shit. But Wayne wasn't just anyone. Wayne was the one person who knew exactly what Eddie meant. The one person who had seen from up-close the shitshow that Eddie's life had been, who had retained a front row seat through all of it. And he had had his own fair share of misery himself, Eddie knew that much. He was too old and had gotten punched down too many times to still hold naive illusions of the possibility of good things.

So he didn't give him some bullshit advice. He merely patted Eddie's knee and turned up the radio.

---

Ever since Eddie had left Hawkins, it had become a habit of him to stay with Wayne for a couple of weeks every now and then. For all his desires to get the hell out of that town when he was younger, he still spent way too much time at his uncle's trailer. But it wasn't Hawkins that he came back for, it was uncle Wayne.

It was home. And it helped him breathe whenever the city got too intense. Helped him get detached from everything that distracted him from the shit that actually mattered. Helped him get his head right when Chicago was threatening to make him lose it.

Time seemed to move differently in Hawkins than in the city. Slower. More naturally, too, somehow. Maybe it was because of the lack of nightlife and flashing neon signs when the world was supposed to be wrapped in darkness. The fact that he could still see the stars when he stepped out of the trailer at nighttime. Maybe it was the quiet, which allowed him to actually hear himself think. Or maybe it was the predictability of it all: Wayne waking him up with a cup of coffee in the morning, the two of them sharing cigarettes on the porch, Eddie helping Wayne with some chores and then trying to write new songs until well into the night, when the world was his and his alone.

He kept reading Right almost religiously, but it was different, now. Now that he could hear Steve's voice say those words, now that he could envision the way in which the sun shone on his hair through the dirty train window and the shape of his hands clutching a walkman that had Eddie's music in it. It was all different.

After a week, Eddie had a whole album worth of songs about the deception of things that seemed perfect. He hadn't been able to write even one song about things ending well, about things working out. That wasn't his life. Things never worked out. Why would they, for a boy born in a household where the trifecta of poverty, addiction and violence was all he had ever known? In the five albums he had produced so far, he'd never experienced a lack of demons to write about.

So no, he wouldn't be calling Steve, even though he had read the number that was written down on the sleeve of his own album so often that it'd probably be impossible to ever erase it from his mind again. He'd protect himself, this time. He'd cherish the hours he got to spend with Ronan Right, the memories that were already starting to feel like a fever dream, and not let his heart break any further. Not this time. Not again.

---

'Got mail for ya.'

An envelope landed in Eddie's lap.

'What's this?'

'I dunno, 's your mail,' Wayne answered.

Eddie didn't recognize the handwriting and the Indianapolis post stamp didn't give him much of a clue either. It didn't make sense that someone would send him a letter at his uncle's place.

He frowned, roughly tore open the envelope and pulled a single sheet of paper out of it. It was neither directed at nor signed by anyone, but that wasn't necessary for Eddie to know who sent it.

'What is it, boy?' Wayne asked, a worried edge to his voice upon hearing the choked sob that freed itself from Eddie's throat.

Eddie knew that the words were only meant for him. But he and Wayne were a unit, always had been, ever since Eddie moved into Forest Hills. So he wordlessly handed the paper to his uncle, roughly wiping the tears from his eyes.

Wayne assessed the text with a wrinkled forehead, holding the paper at an arm's-length in order to read it.

'That from the boy you met on the train?'

Eddie nodded.

When his uncle looked up from the letter, Eddie caught an almost unfamiliar look in his eyes. It was soft, hopeful. Optimistic.

'You know I ain't any good with words, like you, or this – this poet,' Wayne said. 'But this...' He pressed the letter back into Eddie's hand. 'This looks like he knows you, Ed. Like he sees you. For all that you are.'

He didn't tell Eddie what to do; that wasn't his style, never had been. But what he did say kept bouncing through Eddie's head unceasingly, making him unable to sleep, unable to write, unable to think about anything else.

---

Eddie desperately wanted to say something meaningful when Steve picked up the phone. He wanted to thank him for reaching out, to apologize for being too much of a coward to call earlier – but what came out of his mouth instead was, 'How did you know where to find me?'

'Eddie, is that you?' It sounded like Steve didn't quite believe it.

'Yeah – yeah, it's me,' was the only thing he managed to get out of his mouth.

'Look, I'm sorry if I overstepped,' Steve told him. 'I just – I couldn't get you out of my head and it all felt so right, you know, like fate or some shit, so I just had to... I needed to try. And I knew your name, and that you were staying with your uncle, so I got help from some friends and they managed to find your uncle's address.'

And as if Eddie hadn't been enough of an emotional wreck over the past week, his vision got blurry with tears yet again.

'Sorry, was it – did I go too far?' Steve sounded nervous.

Eddie could perfectly envision the way he would be frowning and anxiously running a hand through his hair; as if they had already shared a whole lifetime of getting to know all about each other's mannerisms instead of a few stolen hours on a train.

He hated the idea of Steve thinking he had done something wrong when all he ever did was so fucking right, so he determinedly shook his head, then realized Steve wouldn't be able to see that, and started scraping for words.

'No, Steve, you... You're perfect. And that scared the shit out of me, because so far, my life hasn't really done perfect. Most of our songs, they're – well – creative retellings of my own shit.' Now that he started talking, the words actually came a lot easier. 'They're all real, at the core, when you peel away the layers of, like, monster slaying and fantasy imagery. Like, everything underneath all that, it's all... me. Damage, betrayal, fear, violence – all that shit is true. Life hasn't been kind to me, Steve. And I was convinced that you'd only become an addition to that long list of crap, because you seemed way too perfect. I never thought I could have something good. And you're good, Steve, you're so fucking good. So I couldn't believe it.'

A long silence ensued at the other side of the line. Then, a sigh.

Then, 'Eddie,' in the softest voice possible, like his name was something breakable. Eddie didn't remember ever having heard his name said like that.

'I think that was exactly what I heard in your songs. Why I kept listening to them. Why they inspired me so much.'

Eddie tried to swallow away the lump in his throat, suffocated by the emotions bubbling up inside of him.

'I wish I could hold you, right now.'

Eddie's breath caught. He knew exactly what he needed to do: he needed to stop running. He needed to trust that Steve could be right, for him. That Steve could be something good.

'I mean, you could come over to Hawkins and do just that, you know,' he suggested.

'D'you want me to?'

He nodded, again forgetting that Steve couldn't see him.

'Yeah, I'd like that. Probably still got half that cookie somewhere in my pocket, y'know. Maybe we could share it.'

Credit where credit is due: the line “He sees you, for all that you are” isn't mine, it's one of my favorite quotes from Schitt's Creek and I really wanted Wayne to say that to Eddie about Steve, so here we have it <3

@ My beloved 🥐 anon: I hope you like this ending, and that I came close enough to your suggestion to have Steve make Eddie a character in his next poem <3

Taglist: @kathorakiryu @goodolefashionedloverboi @undreaming-rambles @fangirlycupcake @ghouligans-central @henderdads @dolphincliffs @anglhrts @ajamlessbaby @yearningagain @vampireinthesun @xxbottlecapx @kissaphobic-kas @mad-h-w @booksandsience @obsessivlyme @ppunkpuppyy @barnes-bestgirl @capital-p-platonic @eddiemunsonmeltdowns @callme-keys

#tumblr didn't wanna format the poem right so i hope it's not too annoying i ended up inserting it as an image #also i'm v nervous about this one bc i can't write poetry yet here i am pretending like i can #don't mind me rambling about stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #wayne munson #fruity ficlet

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solplease · 2 months ago

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i've been very excited to post this but here are my ocs haha!! meet lune, cecilia, nox, and aster!

close ups, more info, and a more detailed relationship chart under the cut! this is gonna be a long post haha. there's also some more info about rowan!

cecilia's twin (he's the older twin) ((by two minutes. lol))

the type to go “here to here, i’ll buy it all”

he's got a temper

possessive, devoted, and jealous yandere

people think he's a tad bit insane (and he's self aware mostly,,)

gets into fights often

“want me to kill that guy for you?” (he’s serious btw)

he’s not nice lmao, but to you he is (in his own special way of course..!)

kind of like a cat who will proudly leave dead rats and leaves on your doorstep as a gift bc it thinks you can’t hunt for yourself

hates nox LMFAO

difficult to approach at first but once you get close he won’t ever let you go.

extroverted

LOUD. someone shut him up, this mf does NOT stop yapping bro

annoying as hell and he doesn’t know that lmao

if he absolutely has to, he’ll behave. but it's... odd

constantly needs to be doing something or he’ll get bored lol

has a bit of a sweet tooth (typical)

Bastard (not literally)

played the piano when he was younger with his sister, but he hated playing it

bad terms with his family except for cecilia

huge rebellious streak

shockingly will not kidnap you! everyone already knows you’re his, and he’s yours. and he won’t let anyone get in between you two. yay..!

hates it when you don’t pay attention to him (will absolutely start sulking too)

he’s impulsive but he’s not completely reckless

you probs shouldn’t trust him too much though he has good (????) intentions lol

seems silly (debatable really) but he’s dangerous.

half of the things he says sound like jokes but trust me, he means it. he’d do anything and everything for you, don’t forget!

shockingly pouty and whiny, only in front of you though

him and cecilia have matching bracelets from when they were younger which they both wear to this day

he’s oblivious as fuck, and an idiot

lune's twin (she's younger)

normal (somewhat) ((not really))

sweet and friendly

really likes giving gifts to people she cares about

jumps to conclusion and freaks out easily, but she’s subtle about it

constantly stressed (lune is her brother, so… i get it)

introverted (runs on a social battery)

says things without thinking sometimes

people pleaser

awkward as hell tbh, but it’s really not obvious because she’s good at putting on a front

kinda has the ”””””princely””””” persona (i didnt know how to describe that better lmao

has abandonment issues

girlfail tbh

hardworking

shes really protective of her loved ones

likes cute things

has issues with her family but still talks to them (lune does NOT)

on really good terms with lune, they’re very close (even though he’s a huge troublemaker that stresses the shit out of her) ((if he fucks around too much she’ll give him a good smack))

packs a good punch

SENSITIVE…

potential yandere? still not too sure if i’ll make her a fully fledged yan but she def has some of the traits lol

her and lune have matching bracelets from when they were younger! (she wears it everyday!)

she doesn’t mean to put on a front it just kinda happens automatically lmao

could kill someone... probably wouldnt tho

used to play the piano with lune, she still plays it now too (as a hobby)

cunning and annoying

def the type to kidnap you

oddly sweet (???)

but also ominous as hell

docile with the one he loves

isolating and manipulative yandere

dislikes lune

nice but you can tell he’s putting up a wall (with strangers and friends)

introverted

wouldn’t put stalking past him tbh

he’s the type that wants to know everything about you.

he has a tough time interacting with others. he feels awkward in social situations

the type to go to a party and spend the whole time petting the cat in the corner (he would not go to the party in the first place tho lmao)

he’s not misunderstood tho, he just can’t socialize and doesn’t really want to

grabs the end of your shirt in an awkward situation (its kinda cute)

takes time to open up, but when he falls for you, his love is so strong, it’s almost overwhelming. so just accept him, alright?

shittiest sleep schedule known to man, like srsly, what is bro doing

this man’s brain probs short circuits every 5 minutes LMFAO go to bed you idiot

really good with his words, very convincing

loves cats

hidden piercings

careful and patient

is really good at taking care of others (but he would only wanna take care of you) you’ll let him, won’t you?

startles easily lol

elf oc

ditzy and kind (to you)

bit of a mean streak (not to you!)

wants to appear princely in front of you

kinda stupid (a farce but not completely lol)

has a bit of a temper, but nothing too bad

clingy and cunning yandere

two faced

struggles with empathy (he tries, he’s not human, what’s he supposed to do!)

extroverted (?)

he’s really lonely

when he met you for the first time he was absolutely fascinated as he’s never interacted with a human being before!

BLUNT. he’s not used to convos… just give him some time!

at first it was simple curiosity, but that curiosity turned into something… deeper

he was completely alone before this, but now you’re here, and you’re going to stay, right?

is obsessed with the idea of you staying here with him forever, so why do you keep talking about going home? can’t you stay here?

but then you bring up the idea of him coming with you, well why didn’t you say that earlier! he's happy to come with you

It takes him some time to grasp certain concepts so please be patient with him, he’s not used to humans

he’s paranoid and hostile to other humans. it’s not fair, he wants all of your attention, so why is everyone trying to take you from him? he doesn’t like that everyone is getting in his way…

he’s terrified of bugs. will scream incredibly loudly if he sees one lol

he pulled you through a mirror, that’s how you ended up in his land

so if you wanna go back, just ask and he’ll take you!

gives you jewelry, expensive jewelry. (maybe he’s slipped on a ring before. haha. jk… unless..?)

prefers to stay inside your place because he really doesn’t like people who aren’t you lmao

don’t stray too far from him, okay? he’s always waiting for you

rowan (who i don't have a new drawing of rn </3 sorry!):

he absolutely hates not being a priority, so please don’t ignore him. please? he just wants you to love him.

clingy, devoted, and obsessive yandere

if you don’t reciprocate he might (unknowingly) try to guilt you into liking him back. will appear like a kicked puppy to really sell it (but it’s not an act lol he’s just like this)

at least his intentions are pure! (?????????) but is that better..?

if when (it will happen) you two end up together, he’ll give you the world if you’d asked for it

used to cut his own hair! :D (not great at it tho tbh)

very attentive and will work hard to keep you happy! just don’t forget that you’ll love only each other for the rest of your life. please don’t leave.

has tripped over nothing, will definitely happen again

here's the shitty relationship chart that i rushed </3 its very ugly im sorry HAHA

i really want to clarify that NONE of them will ever hurt you physically on purpose (they might have to pay up for emotional damages tho. they have your best interest in mind ig)

also i would say that they all share some traits like being clingy, devoted, possessive, obsessive, jealous, protective, and loyal. but if i specifically wrote it, it's probs just a bit more intense... just a bit,,, haha...

#num draws #oh hell yeah new tag time #lune posting #cecilia posting #nox posting #aster posting #rowan posting #technically lmao #yanderes #yandere oc #male yandere #yandere male #not tagging female yandere just yet </3 #oc art #digital art #yandere #original character #i've been really excited to post this #i mean i know it might not get a huge response #but i really wanted to introduce them #and i do hope you like them!#i'm really bad at writing characters too so please be patient with me and hopefully i'll soon improve :]#if you have any questions about them at all PLEASE don't hesitate to ask #i would love to answer any questions!#i'm also nervous to be posting this haha... but its OKAY. im doing it #also i overused the SHIT out of the coloured text #ive never done it before i think i deserved to do it at least once HAHA #sorry that its super long btw </3 #i might do actual profiles at some point too if anyone is interested :]#realized i accidentally added aster’s info twice 😭

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once-in-a-half-life · 2 months ago

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some new half life doodles

oh and also a ton of selfship / oc x canon doodles with gman under the cut, that i've done over the year lol

#my art #my stuff #gman #oc x canon #self ship #artemis rambles #tbh i'm not sure what to categorize this cringe stuff as (not that it really matters anyway lol)#anyway im really nervous about posting this please be niceys #please dont mind the fact that my oc's design and my artstyle is inconsistent as fuck... and that i can't draw couples doing couple stuff #I do also draw digitally I PROMISE... but it's mostly traditional sketches because I am fighting to finish up my sketchbook already #(started it in 2023 and I'm so tired)#i hope you can read my shitty handwriting... if not then that's okay too. nothing of value is lost sdfhkf #also sorry for the shitty editing. idk how to best edit scanned in drawings lol

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aeb-art · 2 months ago

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Make Me Feel Real

Loop x Siffrin

Rating: M Summary: Siffrin is desperate for something new, anything new. He hadn't felt anything in a long time. They ask, or well... force, Loop to assist them. CW: gore, mutilation, referenced self-harm, torture, intrusive thoughts (the intrusive thoughts are Loop's, but the POV is Siffrin's)

(ao3 link)

“About my dagger…”

“This again?” If looks could kill, the glare Loop shot your way would’ve reset the loop. “Seriously, stardust, you can’t really be so dense as to not see how little I want to talk about that…” They grimaced and looked away from you. Their hands came up to their opposite arms to rub away waves of frizzling needles, which by now you recognized a self-soothing technique.

"Just hear me out.” Your grip on the grass below your hands tightened. You breathed in and out.

They did not turn their head back toward you, but their eyes met yours. They said nothing at all. It seemed like that was the closest semblance to getting permission to speak that you were going to get.

"You get upset with me whenever I use it, so what if…” You gulped. “What if you just… Took that out on me?”

(What are you even doing?)

“What…?” Their eyes widened. Their hands let go of their arms and just hovered there, fingers twitching.

“If you’re so mad about it, why don’t you take it out on me?” You steeled yourself to meet their eyes again. “You could even use my dagger if you want.”

Loop looked…

Terrified.

"Stardust, I…” They looked around, almost frantically, at anything but you. “You can’t just say things like that. I-! I’m supposed to h-help you and how would attacking you possibly help either of us with anything? Stars, do you really want something new to happen that desperately?”

The ends of their fingers grew sharp like claws as they dug into the tree root they sat on, audibly splitting the bark. Their flesh’s vibrations slowly grew more erratic. Their forearms split in two, it looked like bones now instead of flesh. Sparks flew off of their head, but dissipated before they hit anything, sizzling before making a final little pop.

They wanted to, didn’t they? They wanted to hurt you, you realized that now… but you didn’t think they liked that they wanted to. You think they’d been holding back such desires all this time. You think such desires must scare them to have… Yet you found you didn't care about that nearly as much as you should have.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been pushing this though. You might not be able to undo whatever damage this caused to your relationship with Loop. Your relationship already wasn’t that great, thanks to your insistence on killing yourself very often.

And yet, you kept going.

“You want to, don’t you?” You pushed yourself up to stand, quickly brushing dirt and grass off the back of your pants. “You think about hurting me often, don’t you?” You took slow steps across the short gap between the two of you.

Loop was trembling. Their wide eyes searched for a trace of something in your eye. They couldn’t get a read on you for once. They looked like a cornered animal.

Sometimes prey animals will bite back when they see no other option.

“So do it.” You took your dagger out of its sheath and held it up to them. They winced.

Loop wouldn’t forget when you reset. You couldn’t just undo this like when you tested things with your family. Loop was the only real person in this blinding play who still felt real, they were the only connection to reality that you had left. Did you really want to take this road? to risk burning the last bridge out?

“St-stardust…” One of their hands lifted, slowly reaching toward the blade, eyes glued to it. It was like they had no control over the limb. “I shouldn’t- I can’t…”

“Take. It.” You shoved it toward them with a frustrated growl and they jolted back. “I’m asking you to. I want you to.”

Their hand looked like it was shaking in and out of the correct shape for a hand to be in. One second they had five fingers, but then in the next, two of their fingers would merge together before separating once again. You tried to not stare.

Then they finally took the dagger and you pulled your hand back.

“Okay.” You held your arms out and took a step back. You breathe in and out. “Give me your worst.”

You deserved even worse than Loop’s worst. You were disgusting. Weren’t they supposed to be your friend too? How could you just put them in this situation? They clearly didn’t want to act on their thoughts, they didn’t want to hurt you, but you wanted something new, you wanted them to hurt you, you needed it.

You’re vile.

They gripped the handle tight in both hands before they stood on shaking legs. You smiled at them when they met your eye again. They did not smile back, in fact they looked worse than before. Then…

“Oof-!” A hard punch in the gut knocked you back and before you could catch your bearings, their foot stomped you to the ground. You cried out as their heel pressed so hard onto your chest that you thought a rib or two cracked.

When you looked up at them, they oddly seemed more relaxed. They twirled the dagger in one hand idly, like it was natural to have one in their hands. It was like a switch flipped. They accepted and quickly slotted into the role you so deeply desired of them.

“Just what is wrong with you?” They sneered down at you. “You disgusting little masochist! You realize how selfish you’re being, don’t you? Pressuring me into this?” Slowly, they bent down and sat on top of your thighs. Their free hand started to push your cloak up.

“Wh-whoa, wait, what are you-?” You tried to sit up, leaning on your elbows, but the blow to your chest made you pause with a wince. You didn’t register any pain until you moved… Maybe because you’d already felt far worse.

“I just want to see what I’m doing.” They set the dagger down at their side, just out of your reach in case you changed your mind about all of this.

You just silently let them pull it off of you. They tossed both your cloak and hat to the side. You only struggled again when they started to untuck your sweater. “Hey, hey! Why do you need that off too?” Your voice might have cracked a little in your slight panic. You really didn’t want to be undressed, to be left bare, especially when just about anyone could come to the Favor Tree and see whatever this was at just about any point!

“What part of “I want to see what I’m doing” did you not understand? Come on, stardust, you aren’t that stupid.” They stared down at you blankly, coldly. “You asked me to hurt you and I intend to enjoy it… So shut up and let me take your shirt off before I tear it apart.”

Your mouth snapped shut and you stopped resisting. They tossed the offending sweater over with your other clothes. You felt compelled to ask if they might’ve wanted your gloves off, but you didn’t want them to laugh at you, so you kept that to yourself. You did feel weird wearing gloves without a shirt though, so you silently tugged them off anyway and tossed them aside.

What you asked instead was “So how are you gonna… do this?”

“You know… Before all of this looping nonsense, I used to know how to butcher an animal…” They trailed off as they pushed against your chest. It wasn’t a lot of pressure, it was more like they were giving you the hint that they wanted you to lay flat, the opportunity to do as they wanted before they made you. You obeyed that silent order without second thought.

Surprisingly, you felt a cool wave of healing craft flow from their fingers into your chest. The dull pain quickly faded away… Why did they heal you?

…

It almost felt like a reward for good behavior.

“What parts were good, which to throw away…” There was the smallest twinkle in their eyes and you shuddered. Their finger trailed slowly down your center. You felt their nail? claw? something? make the shallowest cut, small pinpricks of blood coming to the surface. It was a superficial wound at best. They were dragging it out on purpose. They wanted to take their time with you. They wanted to play with you.

What did you just awaken?

“Human beings' insides are, supposedly, surprisingly similar to pigs. Did you know that?” Their eyes trailed back up to meet your own. That sounded vaguely familiar, but you couldn’t fully remember, so you still shook your head no. “Have you ever seen the inside of a boar, stardust?” You slowly nodded. They grinned. “Then some parts should look familiar!”

Oh.

Stars.

They picked the dagger up and leaned down over you. The tip of it tilted your head up agonizingly slow. Their face drew so close, far too close. You could feel their warmth kissing your face like the sun itself.

“Do you feel it anymore, when you kill yourself?” The tip of the blade pressed into your chin, just deep enough for you to feel a trickle of blood trail to the back of your neck and into your hair.

Your hands gripped tight onto the grass at your sides.

“You already don’t see yourself as a person anymore,” Slowly, they dragged the dagger down your neck and you sucked in a ragged breath. Their hand gripped tight on your shoulder and kept you still. “No matter how many times I’ve tried convincing you you’re still real.”

The pressure varied as they cut you open, though their hand was eerily steady. The longer it went on, the more your body started to realize you were being hurt, the more pain started to register. You hadn’t felt anything in so long.

“So I’m going to remind you once again that you’re still here, with me.” They moved to the side of your head, whispering into your ear. “I’m going to cause you enough pain that you can be grateful when you loop again and wake up unharmed.” Their voice dropped in pitch. Their words were careful, like they’d thought about saying this to you many times before. “I’m going to hurt you until you can be thankful you’re alive.”

A shiver ran up your spine. You hissed out in pain when your own movement made them cut deeper into your chest. They just kept pulling your dagger down, down, down…

“And after you die, by my hands,” They pushed against your shoulder to sit upright. “You are going to walk right back here and thank me.”

That dark look in their half-lidded eyes made you feel like your nerves were set aflame, like you’d been struck by lightning.

…They struggled a bit cutting through your belly button right after that since the dagger wasn’t serrated and had to slice a little around it. Surprisingly, they had the decency to look a little guilty about it when you groaned in pain. They kept going down until they got to where your pants began. They glared down at your belt buckle like it personally offended them. With a frustrated huff, they moved on. You half expected them to tug your pants down to cut further… You breathed a strained sigh of relief.

You realized exactly what they were doing when they started to carve a wide V across your pelvis. They were going to open your skin up like they were vivisecting an animal. Wasn’t that more like they were studying you than butchering you? Why take such care and patience into it if you’d wanted them to just attack you? You’d wanted them to stab you, not… this.

You felt so much more vulnerable like this. It was almost… intimate.

Before Loop carved the top V, the cuts on you formed an arrow pointed right at them. You tried your best to not think about it…

It hurt the most so far when they carved along your collarbone. Your hands shot up to their thighs, fingers digging into their legs as you struggled to hold back a scream and whimpered instead. You bit your lip to avoid biting off your tongue.

“That's the kind of reaction I wanted! Tee-hee!~” You could hear a growing mania in their voice. You could see hunger in their eyes. “Does it hurt? Come on, you can always talk to your darling companion Loop!” They pulled the dagger down your center one more time, pressing harder than the first, and blood gushed out of you as your skin was truly completely severed. Their head glowed brighter as they watched you cry and writhe under them.

Your nails clawed at their thighs, but their skin could not be scratched, their flesh would not bleed as yours did. All that happened was lightless grains of… sugar? got caught under your fingernails.

They set the dagger aside before running their fingers along the opening, their hands getting stained by your blood. Gently, they peeled the flaps they’d carved open.

You looked down as their fingers traced your ribs. You felt like you were gonna be sick.

“Gross!” They giggled before one of their hands slipped its way into your guts. You cried and realized tears had already been streaming from your eye for you didn’t even know how long. They lightly squeezed your intestines. You coughed up blood and felt the skin over your throat split further apart. They held your intestines up just high enough for you to see without straining your neck. They seemed to grin wider before…

Slice!

Blood and bile and you didn’t want to think about what else shot out of the open tube. It sprayed all over you and onto Loop’s hands. You screamed until your throat went raw, your eye screwing closed tight. It wasn’t the first time you felt like your neck was going to explode, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Then you felt some of the pain ebb. Slowly you opened your eye to see Loop holding ends of the tube together and using healing craft to sew it back up as if they hadn’t just torn you apart.

You sobbed.

They met your eye and you squirmed seeing their expression turn warm at a time like this. They leaned down, pressing a hand to your neck and you felt that same cooling touch numbing all the pain there. They shushed you softly, almost sweetly. “It won’t do if you can’t speak.” Their hand lightly squeezed your neck before they pulled away. You could see their whole front was splattered with your fluids. “I want to hear you.”

That little process continued for an excruciating amount of time. Loop would tug something out just enough for you to see before mutilating it, then as you coughed and screamed and cried, they’d just heal it right back up. There was something unsettling about how fond they sounded as they healed you. They were only doing it to elongate this encounter, but it started to feel like they were praising you for taking all of it. Loop really had a lot of pent up frustration over you, huh?

You were getting lightheaded. No amount of healing craft was going to stop that eventuality, in fact it probably sped it up, but you were kind of impressed by how long you lasted.

Loop was now just staring down at your chest, fingers tracing your ribs just as they’d done at the start. “Stardust,” They cooed down at you. “Do you know whose heart this is?”

(What???)

(It’s yours, obviously.)

“No, silly!~” Their right hand moved inside of you again. “It’s mine!~”

You barely felt the intrusion at first. You were so drained at this point… But then they actually touched your heart and your breath hitched. Their finger lightly caressed the organ.

“Oh, you little cutie,” They giggled and leaned down, looming right above you, until their face was the only thing you could see. “It’s going so fast now! Just for me?~ You’re gonna make me blush!”

That only made it beat faster.

“L-Loop…” You croaked out, before a blood-soaked cough forced its way out of you. Your blood got on their face, but you couldn’t see it past their light. With all the strength you could muster, you dug into their hips. You could feel your fingers up to the first knuckle sink into the sugar.

They shuddered, eyes closing for a moment. Their finger’s sharp tips lightly scraped your heart and you jolted. They braced their other hand back on your shoulder to keep you still once more. You raked your hands up their back and felt their vertebrae spike out around your fingers.

They leaned closer to you, sighing softly into your ear. “U-use your words, Stardust…”

“I-…” Your throat gurgled, you thought you were going to choke on blood. “Just f-finish it…” You blinked away tears.

They leaned back, just a bit, to stare at you.

You… You didn’t know what that expression meant.

Their hand on your shoulder gently slid up your neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps left in its wake, their thumb rubbing along the seam of one of the cuts they’d healed, the first cut they’d made. They held your cheek with their sticky bloody hand and that same thumb wiped a tear from your eye. Then in the same instant, they fully grabbed onto your heart and dipped their head down to you.

Your scream was muffled by Loop’s face pressing against yours. You couldn’t feel any lips, but… Were they kissing you??? They hummed against your lips, eyes closed and head glowing so so bright that you could barely keep your eye open. Loop was definitely kissing you, while they had your heart literally in the palm of their hand.

This was insane.

(What is wrong with them?)

And yet… You kissed them back. Your grip on their back tightened, keeping them as close to you as you could, as your eye slipped shut once more.

(What is wrong with both of you???)

They pulled back a moment later as you started to cough and convulse once again. They softly wiped the blood off of your lips with what seemed like a smile on their own face. When you whined, they leaned down to kiss you again, though less aggressively than the first time.

Their hand gripped onto your heart tighter and you spasmed violently. They backed up only a centimeter just to hiss at you, “Now give me what’s mine.”

You felt something rip before-!

You felt a tug on your stomach.

You got your heart torn out.

Well, Loop had told you to come thank them right after they killed you, so you should get up and go back to the Favor Tree. Actually… Maybe you should go get the flower first so you have something to give them. You really appreciated their help after all, as twisted as it became.

They made you feel alive again.

#2024 #fic #gore #sifloop #sloop #isat #also features an improper use of healing craft #i'm so nervous about posting this i feel like i'm the one who's gonna be vomitting blood not siffrin #hope everybody has/had a nice day btw ilysm mwah

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dollypopup · 10 months ago

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I think something we don't talk enough about is just how relatable it is that Colin's completely lost in life and is also just 22 years old. His whole thing in the books was that he was 33 and running away from his responsibilities, not wanting to be in just one place, least of all Mayfair, and frustrated at himself for being aimless and unsure of his future. But that just doesn't work in the same way in the show because. . . who of us wasn't unsure and adrift in our early twenties?

Of course he doesn't know what to do with his life. Did any of us? Personally speaking, I certainly didn't. The modern equivalent is that he almost got married in his undergrad and then finished his degree studying abroad when the engagement fell apart. He was sad and disappointed in himself. He is one of eight siblings, those of whom are around his age already more successful than he is. His eldest brother is the head of the family, his elder brother was in art school and close to his siblings, his younger sister is married with a title. His other younger sister is embroiled in political efforts and another is about to make her debut in society and will also be wildly successful.

Colin is deeply, deeply relatable. He wants to live up to the expectations of his family, expectations that are, in many ways, in his own head. He's a middle child, frequently lost in the shuffle. A chronic people pleaser who just wants to bring some ease. Sure, we have Chaos Colin, but in Season 1 and 2, all he really wants is to be useful. He doesn't have much use in his familial dynamic, so he looks to be useful to other people- Will and Penelope in particular.

I think there's a lot about Colin that, once you scratch beneath the surface, is a reflection of a lot of people. He's unmoored, yes, but especially in our current time, that is incredibly common. He's a young man trying to find his foothold in the world, and nothing he does seems to fulfill that. Colin tries to drink like Benedict, but it doesn't make him happy. He tries to marry like his Mum preaches about, like Daphne is expected to, and it's looked down on. He tries to travel, to be a worldly, educated person, and it doesn't bring him peace. He writes, but not to share with anyone, least of all after he gets so few replies. If his own family doesn't want to hear or read his recollections. . .who will?

We talk about wanting to see Colin humbled in our fandom. . .but let's be honest, he is already humbled. Colin is, for most intents and purposes, alone. He's lost his father and his previous engagement, his mother hardly notices him, he's curled in the shadow of his siblings, he tries things and none of them capture his heart or reveal themselves as his talents, nothing he seems to do is ever good enough. I think almost everyone can find something about him to go 'wow, that's me'.

Colin is discovering who he is, and I'm curious as to his story and how they're going to take it, because so much of the book dynamic with him just can't fit. Sure, he can be jealous of Penelope's success, she's younger than him and seemingly found her purpose, is much more established than he is as a person, but beyond that? I love book Colin deeply, but 22 year old Colin and 33 year old Colin have different struggles and different dynamic. Colin's not a rake. He doesn't frequent brothels or break hearts. Hell, in S2 he even said he's just a bystander, not taking part in any flirting or conversation with women looking to be married (save for Pen). His reputation as a flirt isn't established like it is in the books, and he's struggling to make sense of himself. He's not running from the yoke like his book counterpart, and the argument between him and Pen, in which she accuses him of running away to avoid his responsibilities, just doesn't hold water the same way. He's a confused, lost man, doing his best and trying his best and falling flat on his face. That speaks to a lot of us.

I don't know, I just love both versions of him dearly, and I hope the show allows him the depth of nuance he deserves.

#colin bridgerton #polin #i love colin so much and i hope they do him justice #i hear so much the 'we're sticking close to the books' and i reread the book and go '. . .how?'#how are they gonna thread that needle?#i'm curious but also very nervous

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