#so i'm hoping that will happen to me
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I do think that if I ever stop struggling financially and/or logistically I will immediately become the most efficient person in the world
#if i ever don't have depression it's going to be insane#i do think sometimes people have intense logistical problems for ten or 20 years and then stop having them#so i'm hoping that will happen to me#but i feel like i have developed so many weird coping mechanisms to deal with the Problems that if i ever have fewer problems#i'm going to immediately write 5 books and run a marathon#i have realized that like i actually do prefer to stay active and do a lot and solve problems but i think that most of that energy#has just had to go to really basic stuff for a long time#but the energy is there i just am using it on stuff that sucks
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(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)
#MY GIRLLLLLLLL <333333 you're doing amazing sweetie kill them all you deserve to#anyway. coping mechanism. the problems in my life i could solve if society just let me have a death note#this show really is an exercise in patience and suffering i get SO squicked out#by how much the horrible characters and situations mirror the insanity of what's happening in real life#also the revelation that some of the actors are Exactly as shitty as their characters are is. ugh.#but every time i'm like okay i can't take it i need to stop to protect my headspace#i think of kimiko and am like.... no... i need to see my gir....#hope karen gets jucy roles in other shows too PLEASE#the boys#kimiko miyashiro#karen fukuhara#theboysedit#tvedit
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To anyone who sees this, I hope you have an experience of whimsy today. I hope you see something utterly joyful, silly, and ridiculous, and I hope you see it and smile. I wish that for you today.
#I'm having a weird morning after talking about my anxiety with someone#and it's manifesting in an aggressive need for those around me to be happy#so I hope something wonderful and silly happens to you all today
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#polls#bullying#tumblr polls#poll#idk what the fuck to tags things as ever shrug#basically i was super super suspicious of anyone who ever asked me out by the time i got into high school#simply because it had happened so many times before#i just assumed no one would ever want to date me for real and that i was so comically disgusting that it was funny to pretend#anyways if this happened to you i'm sorry!! i hope things are better now
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Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)
oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.
(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#please excuse the Dissertation that's about to happen (i have too much headcanon about them)#they've been ambiguous about most of the fae aging/developmental stages (plus lilia and mel's species age differently)#so this is entirely me assuming based on context#but i think that lilia being ~99 was probably about the equivalent of 9-10ish?#(i don't think his age maps perfectly onto 'human age times 10') (if only because i absolutely do not believe general lilia is 29)#(but in this case it feels right to me)#and i think of meleanor as being just slightly older (like ~11-12ish)#so like...kids but not LITTLE-little kids#so i think lilia was serious in a 'i have a huge crush on you and i haven't thought beyond that' kind of way#and meanwhile mel was more cognizant of how their dynamic was basically#lilia: i would die for you#meleanor: that's dumb#(lilia 600 years later: man she was right. that was dumb.)#but yeah I think she might've assumed (or hoped) he would grow out of it#except whoops oh no it just got worse#and then raverne made things MORE complicated and you know honestly maybe getting murdered was kind of a relief#meleanor in heaven: well at least he won't accidentally raise my kid to have the exact same -- are you kidding me#(i have too many thoughts to express properly i'm sorry) (i just. love these morons a lot okay.)
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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With the end of season two comes a second redraw!
[Nov 2022] [June 2023] [June 2024]
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#I was really looking forwards to this redraw - though the jump in skill isn't as dramatic as the last one I still am proud of my progress!#It's really incredible to look back on this last year and how much has happened since then.#Both in my personal life and this blog.#I started the second season while I was going through some pretty rough times and it truly kept my sanity afloat.#I challenged myself a lot more this year! And while it didn't always turn out the way I hoped-#-being messy and earnestly trying to do something different has been my favourite part of art.#There will always be a lot of room to grow - I don't think art and creativity has a ceiling.#I went from doubting that I was even an artist to joining a gamedev team as the lead artist! That's character growth!#Thank you all once again for joining me on this journey B*)#Thank you for all the messages and support you have sent my way these last 18 months.#I'm so happy to have been given the chance to create something for this community. You've given me so much and I am so grateful.#I'll take a little break to post some personal project stuff this week and resume season three after that!#Onwards to another season of silly (and sometimes serious) comics!
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get yourself a man who knows what's important to him in this life ♡
#btsgif#btsedit#dailybts#userpat#tuserandi#usersky#raplineuser#useremmeline#usermaggie#heyginkgo#creatyoon#annietrack#uservans#userpris#seokjinedit#kim seokjin#*#bts#i wanted to make a big compilation post at first#but honestly? i have no energy for this#(but i started it maybe i'll post it the other day)#so just this small gifset#anyway him existing on this small planet makes ME happy#the way he keeps altering my brain chemistry on a daily basis#and never ceases to amaze me (in every possible way)#i'm glad that i happen to choose him as one of my biases (or he chose me who can say x))#i hope he'll continue to be happy that's all that matters <3
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pokemon au
#akia art#olba#baxter ward#olba mc#pokemon#we're back to the obnoxiously long posts w this one 🤣#i'm only a casual consumer but pkmn is probably my fondest childhood ip.. it'll always be famous to me#i was going to do trainer splash art for each page but gave tf up LOL#there's maggie's drinks fit that i haven't shown before tho 🤣 it's her senior prom dress#+ the fankids bc it wouldn't be pkmn w/o pkmn childhoods#(i hope everyone stateside is taking care after this past week 👴)#i wasn't even old enough to vote the first time this happened so it's unreal to me that we're here again all these yrs later
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The Crown Prince
#my art#Yes this is meant to parallel the Reiju piece and I will be drawing Yonji and Niji next.#those are judge's hands in case it wasn't clear but hopefully the hair does that?#Anyways to chatter about this a little#I just like that the trio are trapped within bodies that are forced to comply to Judge and have no desire to do otherwise#No mind to think. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering.#but it also raises the question what will happen to them when he dies and Ichiji becomes King (presumably)#they've been so sculpted to follow his every word how far can they make it without an outside force commanding them.#could they have been “saved” if they had Sora's exterior voice commanding them to do good? But to what extent does that qualify as good#since it's arguable if they would ever be truly choosing it for themselves#Anyways the Vinsmokes are NOT okay and I hope that gets explored more#I love characters whose moral code begins and ends with “It is my purpose” so I don't like to think they're inherently bad entities#I like to think they're inherently hollow vessels filled with intentions of another person#because that opens a far more interesting conversation about selfhood and accountability.#Very fond of fanfictions where they don't need to gain emotions to learn error#Also fond of fanfictions where Ichiji kisses men. If you've made it this far maybe recommend me one.#I have more cohesive thoughts on this but it's almost midnight ask me if you want to know more I promise I'm usually very articulate#if I'm missing something I haven't actually gotten to them in the story yet.#one piece#one piece fanart#ichiji vinsmoke#germa 66#vinsmoke ichiji
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✦ 2023 summary of art ✦
#CanisAlbus#art#artists on tumblr#own art#own characters#yea you can sort of tell when this train got derailed#there's pre and post Vasco 2023#the good thing is I've been more productive this year than in past 5+ years combined#haven't had this much fun drawing in ages I hope it shows at least in some way or another#unless something really drastic happens I'll probably continue along this trajectory for a while#I might reach a saturation point eventually but there's no way of knowing when that'll happen#so I'm just going to try to make the most of this intense and self-indulgent oc art period#your feedback and support mean a lot to me I hope this year will be as good as 23#thank you for bearing with me#the missing month is March I didn't post a single thing in March#cw blood#blood#cw gore#gore#cw head injury#head injury
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God is anything funnier than people who try to send anonymous hate. It's like getting savaged by a small child that promptly shits itself and cries. Like oh, did you not like some of my words? Did you feel Bad after you read them? Did you want to throw a little tantrum but didn't quite feel brave enough to do it with your URL attached in case you experienced some Consequences?
Did you think I would do anything other than block and forget about you entirely?
Do you think maybe you should have saved your effort and told your therapist about it instead?
I cannot fathom what these people think they're achieving. Bestie, look at me. Listen carefully. All you will achieve is a moment's contempt, and then a block. Nothing more. Consider taking up knitting.
#my favourite is when they don't even explain what post has triggered them#they leave the message like the world's most tedious puzzle#like a cat dropping a semi-decomposed rat at your feet in the hopes of gaining your attention#and it's like: my dude. my guy.#what in the world makes you think I'm even reading this#this post is dedicated to the anon I just received who was so incensed by... something#that they left me THREE messages#none of which I bothered to read beyond a quick skim to confirm that I should Deploy Block lol#no idea what they thought would happen
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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The movie outfits are so awful because Max('s intern) designed them himself
#jerry draws#jli#justice league international#max lord#j'onn j'onzz#beatriz da costa#tora olafsdotter#guy gardner#Blue Beetle#ted kord#booster gold#art that breached containment on twitter. let's hope it doesn't happen here. I'm never drawing popular stuff again#it's too much for me. either way! look at Maxie! he tried so hard! his besties do not appreciate his effort. what a bunch of haters#i don't like Guy's and Hawkgirls outfits that much. but I'm waiting to see the movie and have the plot explain them to me#idk i just wish they were more fun and whimsical
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#i'm here to ruining EVERYONES DAY#tw: torture#i felt like more people needed to know the lore about the arkhamverse because it's absolutely gut-wrenching so hehe ur welcome for the pain#the fact that bruce did try and find him for so long makes me wanna scream#cause ya know they make it sound like he gave up really fast and just abandoned him#but he did try for SIX months? up until he thought jason was dead? (and yes we can debate that he should have known but pls it's a game)#(they needed that to happen for the story so blame the writers)#just as jason had hope for several months that bruce would come for him!#and that makes me so fucking feral#“finally gave up the search” stop stop im crying im not okay#oh my god bruce and jason melts my brain#jason todd#jaybin#red hood#batman: the arkham knight#batman#arkham knight#the arkham knight#ak jason todd#arkham knight jason todd#joker#dcu#jasontoddedit#my gifs#info from wiki and so#this is truly THE saddest version of brujay honestlyyyyyyyyyy#i also like the “mentor and ward” aspect :3#he was likeee 18-20 here i believe?#:(
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So how’s ride kamens going for you as I just pulled my self together long enough to read the other half of the current main story
I've been working on catching up on the event stories since they announced the upcoming main story update! (I totally bombed the last few events...they're so fast-paced and I just didn't have time...😭)
and then of course they went and dropped THIS on us today
(you don't understand, I LOVE Tajador and I already love the two blurry frames they've given us of non-silhouetted Kelka, I'm ready to absolutely lose my shit come the announcement/reveal(?) stream on Thursday --)
#art#ride kamens#ride kamens spoilers#october is officially NEW BOY MONTH#month of BOYS#i had suspected we were going to be getting some new guys eventually because. well. gacha.#but it's HAPPENING and oh my WHAT a strong start#me checking twitter and immediately turning into the beyonce meme: TAJADOR?!#hold on i'm contractually obligated to do the jingle#🎶 TAAAAAAJAAAAAAADOOOOORU 🎶#flashback to during the initial run of reveals when my sister was guessing ankh for every one because 'eventually it'll be right'#i can't believe it came true. i'm so happy#ugh i need to either grind out more seals for keys or see if anyone's uploaded the stories#i mean it's prooooobably not necessary to understand the main story but. i want to be fully prepared.#and i'm still a little salty about missing out on both birthday agata AND radical rollerbladin' araki#how dare they do this to me when i have DEADLINES >:(#...anyway get hype for part 2!!!!!#i hope we get powerup forms! just pile more stuff on top of these guys and watch them gently topple over#i still think leon should be allowed to henshin but. y'know. maybe as a big finale.#he will save us with the power of friendship and fresh-baked cookies
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