#so i’m not going to hang around for it
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ok i have done extremely well at not getting stressed out about the election and instead getting stressed about work for most of the day but it just fucking hit me :/
#nonironically i will leave the usa if trump gets in#i will just not renew my visa and get a job in europe or move back to nz#which would suck complete ass bc i like my job here and where i’m living#but being 1) a woman 2) queer and 3) an immigrant with trump is in charge would be miserable and potentially dangerous#so i’m not going to hang around for it
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The fact that Leo can go literally anywhere on earth to be alone with his thoughts at a single moment’s notice is something that shakes around in my head all the time. Like, portals and teleportation are amazing and convenient abilities both in and out of battle, but they could also so easily be used to run away as well.
I don’t think Leo ever would, at least not most of the time. He loves his family too much, and is too dependent on their love and attention to cut himself off so suddenly like that, but it’s a very real possibility nonetheless.
It’s a good thing Leo’s overall temper is more on the mild side and he prefers going to his room or something to complete solitude, because it really is dangerous for a kid to have the ability to isolate themselves like that at their fingertips.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#and like#it doesn’t even have to be on purpose either#anything could happen where Leo goes out to travel real quick somewhere and suddenly he can’t get back#sure Donnie has the trackers but trackers only do so much when the one you’re tracking is across the globe#that one short of Leo ending up trapped hanging off the Eiffel Tower all alone when he’s still new to portaling#is actually a bit terrifying when viewed through a more serious adult lens#don’t mind me just doing what I like to do best aka think about Leo and his abilities#I’m still saying tho that his abilities make running away so easily#and he’s quite good at that#even if he’s physically there his MASK lets him run away from truly processing unwanted situations or conversations#imagine Draxum telling the boys about the other hidden cities and Leo takes it upon himself to go scout them out#and he does so going around and letting his bros know of the cities he finds here and there#only to end up in one that cuts off foreign mystic energy#like imagine being suddenly cut off and alone#this ability can be SO USEFUL up until it’s cut off midway and suddenly uh oh it’s horrifying
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Me? Having a phase? No . . .
I have most definitely not been having a phase
#obsessed with making Majoras mask recently#the big wooden one I made a few years ago#the Lino stamp was yesterday#as was the ink drawing#the marker drawing and stickers were last week#not pictured: two more pages of stamps#I’m practicing stamping and its bringing so much joy#majoras mask#loz#the legend of zelda#metal sewing#legend of zelda#art#my art#linocut#stamp carving#ink drawing#wood carving#getting a head start on#linktober 2024#with the drawing#I want to get the linocut prints really good so I can bring a stack to the next con I go to if anyone talks to me about my mask#(I always wear it)#almost nobody talks to me about it anymore though#even people with other Zelda stuff on#I usually kinda hang around and browse near them so we can have a conversation about echos or smth#but it never happens anymore
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#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird#and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again#like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake#but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the#family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just#don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other#siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me#which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk#and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am#counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes#god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here
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the fact that the hanza spent yule eve & yule together always haunts me. especially around christmas time heh. they could have done anything else with their time and hung out with anybody else but instead they were like hey guys let’s sit around the kitchen table like we do every single morning and eat some food like we do everything single morning
#i get they had anxiety but#you guys don’t wanna do ANYTHING else besides hang out in the kitchen#i’m not dismayed i’m just impressed they loved each other that much#there is no one so interesting in beauclair to them besides each other?? based friendship#cahir you literally have TWO girlfriends#they were all together like guys. everyone else here is stupid and you (exhale) seem sane by comparison#that’s something milva would say begrudgingly… this city makes us seem normal#i do like the idea of them ending up together on coincidence#kind of like in the holiday episode of sitcoms where characters get their flights cancelled and their dates cancelled#so they all end up together like they all usually do and gather around for their normal table chatter#i think golden girls probably did this exact trope like more than ten times#and it is damn effective because we the audience see that shit and go omg they’re at their table#bonus points if they’re all very glum but then once they start talking and spending time together their mood improves#the elbow-high diaries
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smoking is just so vile to me i cannot sexualize it
#it makes me feel like i can’t breathe and it smells disgusting… i do not kiss people who smoke. smoking is a no no for me. can’t do it.#none of my faves smoke and if they do no kithes for them and they better do that shit miles away from me#and i won’t smoke bc i’ve had several family members die from lung cancer so. don’t touch me with that shit#i’m not going after anyone irl who smokes btw. i just wouldn’t kiss u. sorry.#or hang around u when ur smoking bc im terrified of secondhand lung cancer#tw smoking#cw smoking
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it’s crazy to me that the hawkins family photos insta account hasn’t been clocked by netflix or the duffers when that account has thousands of followers posting high def pics where you obviously have to be near or on the set to capture them, but when we wanted the official scripts from that guy that would post scripts for MULTIPLE SHOWS FOR YEARS, he was taken care of with a swiftness 😭😭
i’m not saying hawkins family photos needs to be taken down. i’m just saying that it’s interesting they didn’t want us to see those scripts from episodes we’ve already seen, but high def pics where like obviously ppl who work on set would potentially see the person taking pics of season 5 is just going about their day???? nahhh something was in those scripts that was legit. something was in there they didn’t want us to see i swear. they told us those scripts were fake but idk something’s fishy 🤨🧐
#once again thinking about scriptgate#LIKE WILL RECOGNIZING DR BRENNER?? YEAH DUFFERS THATS RIGHT I HAVENT FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT!!#i have no idea if hawkins family photos is the one taking the pics or if someone who works on set sends it to them#regardless#you’d think an account with that many followers would be taken care of or something like for all this time of filming they haven’t been#caught???#like a show like stranger things is obviously going to have PAs and security so ppl cant just hang around#like if they can create a large distance between ppl and the set then they will#so idk just interesting#i’m thinking that hawkins family photos is created by someone on set and it’s part of marketing#and that the scripts were actually legit that’s why it was taken care of#that’s why nothings happening to HFP bc it’s controlled spoilers#scriptgate#byler#stranger things
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Something about drawing Kazurei being able to peacefully rest together just soothes my soul.
#kazurei#buddy daddies#reikazu#my art#buddy daddies fanart#kazurei fanart#rei suwa#kurusu kazuki#suwa rei#kazuki kusuru#I’ve been having kind of a rough time lately#I don’t really want to go into details but I’ve just been feeling kind of burnt out and numb#and just kind of bad about myself overall#and some people I used to feel emotionally safe around I kind of…don’t anymore#so it’s just been a sucky time#but I’m hanging in there ❤️#and I know it sounds silly but drawing Kazurei sleeping peacefully really does make me feel better#drawing them in general does but especially when they’re cozy and snuggly#I think because I just like imagining them feeling so safe#like something about that makes me feel better#I know it’s weird but hey a coping mechanism is a coping mechanism#so I may be posting a lot more eepy kazurei for a bit#and/or fluffy kazurei#I actually might do flufftober this year#because I need some fluff in my life#anyway sorry for venting in the tags
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exploding rn
#OWIE OUCH MY HEAD#doodles#sonic#fun fact that is my bottle of advil#it actually has regular liqui-gels in it#cause when got a new big bottle it had a stupid childsafe cap on it so i transferred it into a couple empty bottles i had lying around#now ones on my bedside tabel and this one hangs out near my setup#the two places i spend 90% of my time lol#anyway i’m going to explode into a million pieces now
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A bonus Molly sketch from my gilded cage things! Given the circumstances for Molly in particular during chapter 4 and the fact that Dutch being the way he is would likely just use her as an accessory for the evening I can’t imagine her having a good time, but at least the dress is pretty
#rdr2#molly o’shea#I’ve thought about this a lot#she would not get a second away from him I’m sure#he can’t stand her even breathing the wrong way around him at that point but having a woman with him would make him seem less suspicious#which is a big thing during that mission#so molly would just be hanging onto his arm all evening unable to go anywhere or speak to anyone by herself#I’d get into how she would also not be received well by many people there especially if she approached them alone#because she is Irish and these are a bunch of rich people and it is 1899#I have a lot to say about the importance of molly being an Irish immigrant as an Irish person myself#but I don’t feel like giving a history lesson here#so to condense my thoughts a little molly would have been stuck with Dutch the entire evening#surrounded by people who probably have an inherent dislike for her once they hear her speak#or ignore her in favour of whatever Dutch is saying#which is pretty similar to how the gang already treats her#so even once she finally leaves camp it’s just the same#there is more I could say especially regarding the dress itself but that’s too long to write here#fanart#digital art#sketches#my art
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back on my bullshit (meeting men im in love with). Ben Schwartz is so kind and tall :-) I didn’t totally freeze like when I met the Jonas brothers but the selfies we took are blurry so 😔
(at least I have these bc I told sam to record the whole thing heheheh)
#also the show was great#I had to slap sam many times bc she was choking from laughter#ben schwartz#bro how did i forget my personal tag for ben#ben schwartz my beloved#me#also forgot me tag#editing tags after the fact to recount the entire experience#so we waited outside for about 10 minutes and I had no expectation of how long it usually takes for him to come out and take pictures#he comes out without a mask which is surprising to me and says ‘you guys wanna take some pictures?’#we all just kinda form a non sensical blob (there’s maybe like 10 ppl total) around him#Brandon Katie and Eugene hang back towards the stage door unsure if anyone wants to chat with them#I’m gushing over how tall and handsome Ben is to my sister who is ready to record our interaction once he gets to me#as I listen to him chatting with the other fans I can’t help but smile and say to my sibling ‘he’s so sweet’ every minute#he meets someone who has a cool sketchbook of the skits from the show that he wants to take a picture of#but they need to write their handle so he says he’ll talk with some others and get back to them#so he does and then later I see the girl ready to talk to him again off to the side#so I tell her ‘you can go ahead and finish talking to him”’ and she’s like ‘are you sure?’ and I’m like duh!#finally it’s my turn and he looks at me and says ‘hi I’m Ben’#yes Benjamin Joseph Schwartz I know#he sees me holding my phone and immediately sides steps to get into selfie mode as I ask him if he’ll sign my Jean Ralphio figure#he steps back to Be in front of me ‘yes of course!’#what insane media training he has#he says ‘I’ve seen this! this is the first one I’ve ever signed’#upon seeing the figure he says ‘it’s beautiful’ lol#he’s concerned that the sharpie I brought will not show up and I mention that it was probably a bad one to bring because it’s pastel#he signs and holds it up (as you can see in the first photo) to make sure it’s visible#he hands it back to me and I thank him and he says ‘do you want to take a picture?’#and I say ‘I would love to!’ and then I hold the Jean Ralphio figure and he looks to my sibling assuming she’s taking the picture#she’s like ‘no I’m just here for moral support!’
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Lately 💜
#sushi asked to hang out after she’s done w work and I’m out rn and I’m like NOOOOOO#……….. hate it when I can’t hang out w sushi NOOOOOOOOO#been playing around w eye shadow so that fun#makes me want more colors!#anyway… can’t wait to indulge myself in art besides work art stuff AHHH#been going out every night bc ppl came to visit AHH#so busy w that#want more dresses in different colors LOL#got a lot of black or crème haha#x
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the more I work in the music industry, the more I can see clearly just how ‘easy’ it is to make it in here. It’s really easy. It’s fucking infuriatingly easy. All you need, is all the time in the world. If you have all the time to write, perfect, produce, do press, design and print your own merch, go knock on every media outlet’s door, talk to radio stations on drive time morning radio when most people are listening, by not being at work, if you can keep going to shows every night and not have to worry about getting home far away or about how you’ll pay your rent or what you’ll eat on tour that’s not utter junk, where is safe to sleep at night and if you have a minute to vet motels and hostels for bedbug reviews.
The more present you are in the music industry (probably the entertainment industry in general) the easier it is for people to recognise you— and got that, you’ve got to give it all the time you have. If you’ve got that kind of time, it’s so easy to make it in the music industry. Enragingly so. More on this later, I have a work call in 15 mins
#And after that I’m running off to a gig tonight#The world we inhabit is a small subculture— the music world is small. I’ve said before the Canadian music industry is v Small#I’m realising so is it in the UK. Everyone knows everyone. But you’ve got to hang around until you can be familiar#Or go to the right school (music and arts) or get lucky (many creative people emerging from the same secondary school eg)#It’s all about time#Anyway bye now#Music#music industry#musicians#creative#creative fields
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fully forgot i had a rosquez fic for the kinkmeme like 85% written forget what i said last week i’m kind of having nothing but wins
#new job agreed to work around grad school#coworkers at my current job pulled together and bought me a travel backpack that i was obsessed with as a going away present#and i thought someone stole it so i got so into sherlock holmsing the whole situation they had to blow the surprise and give it to me early#which was SO sweet#and my head was normal today so i’m hoping my meds are helping#AND I TEXTED MY FRIENDS 💓 and we’re hanging out monday after a MONTH. feeling better.#callie speaks
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#anyone know how to deal with overwhelmingly jealous and envious thoughts?#I just can’t stop comparing my life to other peoples#just went to my sisters new place#I would literally kill for a place like that#but I’m still stuck in my parents basement#not having a safe space to go#I eventually got over it while I was hanging out with family#but when I left I had to bump into a group of girls#all dressed up#looks like they were either going out or getting back from a club or something#and damn#I miss those days#I only got a taste of it very briefly before I was even of age#like 18-19#and now I’m fucking 26 and I don’t have friends to go out and have severe social anxiety#when I see people like that having a good night or whatever#I just get so sad and jealous#I’ve been wasting the past 6 years of my life#literally just trying to survive#and then everyone else around me is actually living and enjoying their lives#obviously it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but they have the support system or a place or something to lean on when something bad happens#I have nothing#I have no support system#not able to heal or really live in my current place#been struggling to just get out of bed#trying ro figure out a job but when I can’t even get out of bed how the fuck am I gonna do that?#struggling A LOT right now#shut up rosie#delete
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We’ve all been screaming about Evan “That’s why you’re so… *bisexual hand gesture* pent up” “Well, I wish I could help.” Buckley, but can we talk about Eddie in that scene?
Eddie has been in the show for 6 seasons and, to my memory (which could be wrong bc I haven’t watched the previous seasons in over a year) Eddie’s never really been “pent up” (due to lack of sex) or anything before.
Like, in s2. That man wasn’t going to cheat on his wife, regardless of the fact that she completely abandoned them for years. Those rose-covered glasses he’s wearing now have been dialed up by a lot, but he was definitely still wearing them while they were separated, so that was at least 2 years without sex. Probably substantially longer, given that he was deployed & then came home injured & then they were constantly fighting. That doesn’t really make for a great sex like.
Then, she dies, and the tsunami & lawsuit & Chris’ trauma all happens, and Eddie uses illegal street fighting to manage his feelings.
I don’t remember him making any comments about wanting to meet someone, or be with someone in the time before Shannon & Ana, and he only went after Ana bc she was there when everyone was telling him not to miss out on anything (even tho he very clearly was not ready) & that’s another 2.
We have the same thing again between Ana & Marisol. We know he’s a family man, but he certainly isn’t making any effort to get any or meet people. He only agrees to go on dates bc his aunt guilts him into it, & there’s a year and a half (roughly) between the EddieAna breakup & him calling Marisol.
Idk, I find it hard to believe that - between being a full time firefighting father & nephew & grandson & friend & basketball games & trauma & mental breakdowns & healing from injury after injury - this man is finding time for regular sex, & we’ve never seen him “pent up” as Buck said.
It just feels very weird to me. Like, that kind of painted Eddie as a man that is concerned with consistently needs to get his dick wet or he gets all sweaty & weird, and that’s never really been his character.
It would definitely make sense if it was anxiety rearing its head and/or his struggle with Catholic guilt. I mean, he consistently uses exercise as a way to let off steam when he’s struggling (in 2x01, when he’s in the gym as he & Buck are butting heads. The street fighting arc. The fact that he has a lot of heavily physically exerting hobbies, even if we don’t see them on screen.)
Idk, to frame it as Eddie not getting laid enough (when they also literally showed us a scene of them doing it the day before?) feels very OOC to me.
Unless Buck was seeing it as sexual tension & not the anxiety that it actually was bc he was feeling sexually charged & projecting????
Idk. I’ve been thinking about this for DAYS & I can’t make it make sense with Eddie’s character.
#911 abc#eddie diaz#911 spoilers#in the bank robbery scene the man literally says “I’ve got 2 full time jobs”#like where is he finding the time to go out & meet people & sleep with them?#idk those are long periods of time to go without just to turn around & be fiending for it after less than 24 hours#and sure being in a relationship might be different but he’s STILL on shifts & hanging out with friends & taking care of his son#that still lives with him#so it’s not like they’re having constant sex then either#I’m assuming Marisol no last name has a job along with her brother & her own social life so add in another scheduling conflict#framing it as him being sexually pent up just makes no fucking sense to me & I genuinely don’t understand it unless Buck’s just projecting
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