#i think golden girls probably did this exact trope like more than ten times

[hanzajesthanza]

the fact that the hanza spent yule eve & yule together always haunts me. especially around christmas time heh. they could have done anything else with their time and hung out with anybody else but instead they were like hey guys let’s sit around the kitchen table like we do every single morning and eat some food like we do everything single morning

[pippytmi]

Howdy! For the little au trope prompt ask. 2, 2, 39. Supercorp please. Thank you! (Hope it helps your writer's block!)

Everyone knows that when the Quidditch season starts, rivalries begin.

As a general rule, Lena doesn’t mind the Gryffindors. If she had to pick a house she hated, the Slytherins would be the unfortunate lot; Veronica Sinclair and Andrea Rojas alone give the group a bad name. (That could be Lena’s own personal bias, given the fact that both girls have broken her heart, but she maintains it goes far deeper than that). But the point stands—Lena isn’t a hateful person. Generally.

There is just something about Kara Danvers that brings it out of her. The one and only Gryffindor that Lena despises is that moronic, reckless Chaser who scores nearly every single goal she takes. The Ravenclaw team is nothing to sneeze at either, but Lena hates that of all people to throw her off her game, it is a girl who blew up her broom when attempting to fly on it during her first year. Seven years that she has known Kara, and still Lena is annoyed at the mere sight of those perpetually-askew glasses, those untucked robes, that undone tie; Kara Danvers is never expected to be poised and perfect, even with all the expectations on her shoulders. She’s just so...blasé. People talk about Kara like she is destined to join a Quidditch team straight out of Hogwarts and all Kara does is stroll into the Great Hall on game day with her head in the clouds.

So far up the clouds that she apparently can’t watch where she is going, either. Lena throws Kara the nastiest glare she can muster when they just about knock each other’s heads together, but all Kara does at the sight of it is grin. She always grins, not in a way that is arrogant or snide, but stupidly amused. Stupidly amused, as if everything Lena says or does is a bloody laugh, like Lena’s simmering hatred is nothing more than an inside joke.

“Hey, Luthor,” Kara says cheerfully, and there she goes, pushing those crooked glasses up her nose. There is a scratch on one lens, and Kara has either not noticed or not bothered to repair it. “Trying to take out the competition a little early, even for you.”

“You were the one in my way, Danvers,” Lena replies tightly.

“Was I?” And here is the kicker, that golden girl charm that fools everyone: bright blue eyes peeking out beneath those eyelashes, hand rubbing at the back of her neck, undone tie slipping an inch further. Kara tilts her head unassumingly as if that is even an actual question.

It makes Lena furious. “Here’s a tip,” she says, “for here and the Quidditch field. Maybe if you got your head out of your ass, you could actually see where you’re headed.”

Kara has the audacity to look affronted. “Is this because of the Brainy incident during training? Because he and I agreed that it was a joint effort. Joint…blame. Whatever you call it.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “Just keep your aggression to yourself, Danvers,” she mutters, and then she resolutely brushes past. She has no time for blank, witty banter, especially when this is the year’s first game and she has a team to rally.

“My—? Hey,” Kara’s voice rings out, louder than necessary, and that idiot is actually following her. “Hey, wait. Lena. Do you seriously think I’m aggressive? It was an accident! Both times!” A beat. “I mean both the Brainy thing and right now. I didn’t knock into Brainy twice. I did knock James off his broom once, but you probably don’t care about that since he’s not from your house, so…well anyway, just so you know, that was also an accident.”

“I have zero interest in your training squabbles,” Lena says exasperatedly, “and you’d do well to keep that in mind.”

“Oh so this is about the Brainy incident,” Kara says. “How many times do I have to say that the training pitch was ours?”

“According to you,” Lena counters. With that she whirls around, nearly colliding into Kara’s chest, but she still manages to lift her head up high and stare down that egotistical jackass. “I know you might think you’re entitled to any space you waltz into, but some of us mere mortals actually schedule training sessions. You know, like we’re supposed to.”

“I did schedule the—!” Kara has a tendency to become flustered mid-argument, it seems, because her mouth opens but no words come blustering out. Finally she settles on scowling when she declares, “You are a piece of work, you know that? Would it kill you to apologize to me once in a while?”

“That would imply that you have apologized to me at some point,” Lena scoffs. “Which you haven’t, for the record.”

“Yes I have,” Kara is quick to disagree.

Lena crosses her arms; it’s a challenge, and Kara immediately stands a little straighter when she notices. “Oh?” Lena prompts. “Like when?”

“Like…when I knocked into Brainy.”

“I fail to see how I fit in that scenario,” Lena says, “since you didn’t break my nose.”

Kara gives a little huff, as if this back and forth is all so inconvenient right now; as if she hasn’t instigated it. “Okay, but I apologized for disrupting your practice, remember? I took complete responsibility even though it was your fault you couldn’t keep track of when your team was scheduled—”

“That was not an apology. You literally said ‘Sorry Luthor, we need this more than you do’ and then refused to leave for the next half hour!”

“But I said sorry in there, ergo, it is an apology.”

“Well then, when my team beats yours to dust I’ll be sure to apologize properly for that in that exact same sympathetic manner,” Lena sneers.

Somehow, trash talk only makes that dumb, signature Kara Danvers grin come back, completely wiping away any sign of vexation. “Oh yeah? Tell me more, wise old Ravenclaw—”

Before Lena can even begin to dissect that childish comeback (and stupid sing-songy imitation of the Sorting Hat), other students come filtering down the hall and they are practically swept up in the masses. One kid completely shoulders Lena before she even realizes what’s happening; she stumbles to the left, nearly collides with the wall, and opens her mouth to shout, but then:

“Hey!” Kara is already brandishing her wand with one hand and catching the boy’s collar with the other. “Ten points from Hufflepuff! You could’ve hurt someone, walking around without looking where you’re going.”

Lena bites her tongue to stop from making a quip on how ironic that statement is, because Kara is engrossed in a stare-off with the pimply sixth year who is demanding to see her prefect badge to prove Kara can even take points. She would normally side with the kid—anything to knock Kara Danvers down a peg—but, well. For once, Lena can’t be bothered to actively hate someone getting into a heated argument on her behalf.

Two minutes later and the boy stomps off with ten points gone from his house and a detention to boot. Kara, meanwhile, is still frowning as he leaves. “Are you okay?” she asks absentmindedly, still tracking the kid’s every movement with her eyes. “I swear, if there weren’t so many witnesses I would’ve hexed him.”

“Winning move for a prefect, I’m sure,” Lena says dryly, and Kara turns towards her with that slow-growing buffoonish smile and another sheepish nudge of her glasses. Her next words kind of just fall out, almost as if she’d never formed them in her mouth but in the deep recesses of her subconscious alone: “You know, you confuse me.”

“Huh?” Another nudge. The smile slips a fraction, but just enough to show Kara is slightly confused by the change in subject.

You confuse me, Lena wants to repeat. You are the opposite of self-aware. You are messy, and reckless, and selfless whenever it counts and it’s confusing because all I can really hate you for is being able to get away with being imperfect and still be adored by everyone.

But none of those words, thankfully, leave her head. All she says is, “Your approach to discipline confuses me. It’s not like he purposely tried to run into me—ten points might have been too harsh.”

“This coming from the girl who once threatened to curse me into oblivion for tripping her when we were twelve?” Kara’s eyebrows shoot up. “Who are you and what have you done to Lena Luthor? No, hold on, I know. You’re really Jess in disguise, right?”

“Hilarious, Danvers. I wouldn’t quit Quidditch, it might be the only place you’re suited for,” Lena mocks, but all Kara does is laugh.

“Nope, definitely Lena,” Kara says, and the way she says it is almost…fond. Come to think of it, Lena can’t remember a time where Kara actually called her Lena. It’s always Luthor and Danvers and stop breaking the faces of my best players and never—never anything else.

Lena clears her throat and looks away; she can’t take another second of those warm, bright eyes. “Whatever,” she says. “I…guess I’ll see you on the pitch.”

“Sure thing,” Kara says, and she takes a step back, tucking her wand into her pocket. “I’ll be the one rocking the winning team uniform.”

Slowly, Lena begins to feel the corner of her mouth twitch. Completely unbidden, completely unpredictable. “Dream on, Danvers.” She allows the space between them to grow, but their eyes remain locked, and the air feels heavy—thick—and the weight of their shared gaze holds a meaning Lena can’t possibly unpack right now.

But Kara’s tongue pokes out between her teeth cheerfully, and she doesn’t appear half as bothered by this development. “Always, if you’re in them,” she says, twists a little on her heel to walk away, but she pauses while she is still in earshot. “You know—next time you can just thank me for defending you.”

“You mean abusing your power as a prefect,” Lena replies automatically even as her head is running a mile a minute; even as Kara is getting farther and farther away and the scratch on her glasses lens catches the light.

“That too!” Kara shouts as she gets lost in the crowd, and damn her, Lena has to put her hand over her mouth to hide the absolute idiotic smile that has formed on her own face.

(Joint blame indeed, Lena muses, and she figures that she might as well form a rivalry with the Slytherins instead of the Gryffindors after all).

[scenerdoth777]

My Thoughts Watching Twilight for the First Time

Ever since Twilight first came out, I was never allowed to watch them for reasons. Despite that, I had so much second hand fandom from my friends at the time that now,  almost ten years since the first film came out, I’ve decided to watch it. Here were my thoughts:

You never thought about how you would die? Obvious set up.

Oh god. Kristen Stewart, you’re hot but you can’t act to save your life.

I genuinely like Jacob. He’s not as much of a stalker as Edward is.

Why are people at school so welcoming? Like, when I first went to a public school nobody said hi to me, or automatically knew my name. Was Stephanie Myers homeschooled her entire life?

I will show my love to you through my staaaaaares

Wait a guy just got killed? Go back to that! Go back to that! Don’t leave me with this shitty love story!

Clumsiness. Bella’s fatal flaw. The only one she has.

Ah yes, the infamous “Kristen Stewart doesn’t know how ketchup bottles work” scene.

The Cullens show up in an army jeep to school every day.

The asian kid is obviously gay, so why is he trying to get with with Bella? Honestly why is every guy in this film trying to get with Bella?

Why the fuck would you want a golden onion? Also, on the netflix subtitles when the students are booing it says they are catcalling. Needed to mention that.

Oh my god, Bella and Edward are so awkward. This is what happens when you try and cause romance in a biology class instead of chemistry.

More staring.

“Your difficult for me to read.” Romantic my ass. That is creepy

He just saved her from a van with super strength. I know what you are Edward. You’re a super hero. This is going to turn into a super hero movie and actually be enjoyable. Wait, no? Damn.

Even more stares.

Dad’s gonna take a black kid’s license away just for him loosing control of his van? WTF bro?

“I was standing right next to you” *why the fuck you lying starts to play in the background*

WAIT IS THAT FUCKER WATCHING HER AS SHE SLEEPS? THIS ISN’T LOVE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT THIS AIN’T LOVE.

Just found out it was a “dream”. Sure honey. Keep telling yourself that.

Alice is hot and obviously gay, but has a boyfriend. Why are all the gay coded characters straight? Is it cause a Mormon wrote this?

Compost tea. Sounds like a challenge.

I don’t think that Bella can be interested in anything.

That apple just fell on his foot and rolled up his leg. Edward would be great at hacky sack.

Oh boy, here comes the bad boy trope.

*batman voice* I am the friend that you deserve, but not the friend you need.

Did Bella just tell someone to take control and be a strong independent woman when she does the exact opposite???? The fuck?

Well that was a lame ass backstory for the vampire/werewolf feud.

MOAR KILLING. LESS CREEPY ROMANCE! Although they really used some state of the art effects for the speedy vampire things.

This film may show so many sexist things, but it does show that women do not like catcalling. You did one thing right film, although probably by accident.

Man saves girl from gangbangers so he himself can get some v.

Edward is a bad driver. Bella’s dad should revoke his license.

Edward is a stalker. Hands down. Run Bella. Run far away.

Ugh. The “i don’t have the strength to stay away from you” trope.

I do admit, I have sexual fantasies of having my blood sucked by a lady vampire, but not by one that stalked me. This child is a wreck and should be saved from herself.

I know what you are. Say it. Out loud. A Hufflepuff.

When Edward goes into the sunlight, you will find out that he’s addicted to body glitter. It’s all over him.

Bella has a glitter kink. Or is it fetish. I think it’s a fetish when it’s a specific item. So glitter fetish it is then.

“This is the skin of a killer, Bella”. Honey, that looks like the skin of a 4 year old girls doll after they smothered it in glitter glue.

Now there’s the “Your blood is like a drug to me” vampire trope. Yes this was in Vampire Knight and it didn’t bother me, but they at least pulled it off. This is just bullshit.

Bitch, you just met the hoe. You are not unconditionally in love with him.

Edward has a nice house. He’s giving off rich vegan vibes now.

“Bella and I are going to be great friends” Can Bella and Alice be a bit more than that? Please?

I have heard Claire de Lune in too many hentais to take this seriously.

What kind of pet name is spidermonkey?

One wrong move and Bella will fall out of this tree and this series will end a lot faster.

POLICE DOGGOS.

Let Bella be an introvert 2k17.

God Edward your a creep. Watching her sleep. Not hot at all.

Edward just cockblocked himself. Lol.

Ah, the infamous baseball scene.

EPIC GUITAR RIFF Some new challengers approach

Yay. Now there’s a hunter that’s going to kill her. Why do I not care?

I know that she’s trying to leave and shit, but Bella is being a dick to her dad.

Idk why, but I have a feeling that Rosalie would turn bad later on in the series

Edward is codependent.

Obvious set up in the beginning is repeated again.

It was a videotape??? Ok that was clever actually.

Now he’s video taping his feed like a pervert would video tape his rape. Gross.

JUST LET BELLA TURN INTO A VAMPIRE AND JUST END THE WHOLE SERIES RIGHT THERE AND NOT MAKE US SUFFER WITH THAT EDWARD/BELLA/JACOB SHIT.

ALSO, WHY CAN’T THE DOCTOR SUCK THE VENOM OUT! HE’S A PROFESSIONAL! WHY ODES IT HAVE TO BE EDWARD!

Look, I live in Florida and Jacksonville is not sunny everyday. Obviously the author has never been to Florida.

God dammit, Bella you are so codependent.

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious.

Despite how terrible the movie is, I want to watch the sequels just to see how worse they get from there. I am a masochist.