#so i think that should be respected lmao
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thinking about this one post i saw that suggested bat’s been taking over other territories this whole time because they started out saying they represent nagoya in drb➕, a city within aichi prefecture, to saying they represent the chubu area in hella awesome banquet which encompasses 8-10 other prefectures in the area lmao
#this is vee speaking#it was also brought up that it could be a bit of nagoya pride slang in the comments#how some nagoyans consider anything inward bound from mt fuji is nagoya lmao#but takeuchi-san who is from somewhere in aichi makes sure everyone knows he’s from aichi and NOT nagoya#so i think that should be respected lmao#anyway this is so funny to me LMAO and you can even track their progress apparently#dba➕ i think kuukou says they rep aichi#hitoya says they rep owari region in one two law which is an outdated region that consists of aichi and some of gifu#and in survival of the illest➕ kuukou says they got the toukai area which consists of aichi gifu mie and shizuoka lol#it took three years but bat has completely taken over the entire region they get classified in i’m so proud lmao#does dh rap about being on top of kansai at all???? 🤔 kansai i know includes kyoto so i’d assume it’d be harder to claim full kansai rep lo#but it would be so funny if bat’s been actually doing the territory battles part behind the scenes this whole time lmao#the last time kuukou had a mic pre current era was when they actually had territory battles#so what if he just assumed that was still a thing and wrangled jyushi and hitoya into it lmao#bat: *beats gifu division* kuukou: and now your division is mine 😈#gifu guys: wait what this was drb qualifications— hitoya: *completely on board* not anymore it’s not#c: kuukou👑#c: jyushi#c: hitoya
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every time gricko semi-mockingly imitates kremy by going 'and then kremy'll be like 'waddadoo waddadoo fellas etc.', years get added to my lifespan and my skin clears
#kremy is my favorite and I think we should all make relentless fun of him for being as he is at all times <3#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#gricko grimgrin#kremy lecroux#the power balance as it were between gricko and kremy is really weird and interesting#like when gricko puts his foot down about something that concerns one of the others or the whole group kremy tends to listen#they are the two oldest people in the krew I suppose. and despite having some common sense frost lacks the gravitas#(due to being a bABY a little in his twenties kitten boy what the fuck!!! you ever remember that gricko is like... twice as old as frost.#incredible and wild) to really stand up to kremy a lot of the time#and obviously. torbek is torbek lol#kremy and gideon are a bit more of their own thing within the group and kremy does listen to gideon within that#but honestly they seem to be pretty on the same wavelength about a lot of the big stuff too haha#just partnership stuff <3#but when it's the whole group gricko is often the opposing 'other parent' to kremy's awful team mom antics#and it's really interesting#kremy *definitely* does not respect him in the conventional sense lmao but he does listen now and then#these characters can have dynamics and interactions so complicated and weird as a treat (a treat FOR ME!)
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what if they murdered freeza together. as a treat.
what if we gave granolah a big ol kaiju vegeta and they stepped on freeza as a team instead of going to therapy
#with all due respect to goku ... Move lmao#nobody needs to see you kill freeza a third time let the people who have earned it have a go skldjask#granolah#vegeta#ego oozaru#dbtag#sketchbook#did i design geets ego!oozaru just for this au? bitch....maybe#no I just really like mandrill teeth and I think Ego deserved TEETH and it became a whole thing but#this is a very fun byproduct#tbh all i really want is to see Vegeta use straight up Destruction on Freeza I think that would be cool as hell#I think he should also maybe gift Granolah some of his many many saiyan years so Granolah can live a good long life like he deserves to
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The Godfather, Mario Puzo | An Hymn to Childhood, Li-Young Lee | Psalm 139: 14 | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | For your own Good, Leah Horlick | Erou, Maya Phillips | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | Ask Polly | The Hours, Michael Cunningham | FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK", IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE" ENERGY DRINK
#vito corleone#tom hagen#the godfather#web weaving#this is...unreasonnably long and for that i apologize but what can i say? i had a vision to share with y'all#seriously tho maybe i should have done 2 parts but i don't think it would have hit the same way if i divided it so idk#anyway this thing being so long is a perfect metaphor for me having so much things to say about the relationship between tom and vito#it's such a fundamentally contradictory one and it fascinates me#vito keeps tom at an arm's length his entire childhood. he denies him affection and the right to truly see himself has a part of the family#he also treats him with more care and respect than his own parents ever did and with more kindness than vito does his own children#he undeniably saved his life and give him the type of opportunities tom would never had gotten otherwise#and yet he ruined him just like he ruined michael#father and son of all time#and i haven't even gotten in the parallels in their two own messed up childhood!#i woud have a lot more to say but this is long enough already lmao
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Was watching Now You See Me again last night and my god Jack really is doing everything 😂 Everytime we need something offstage? Jack can get it. Steal a whole-ass corpse? Jack can do it. Dramatic car chase? Jack's got this. My man is fucking CARRYING this entire operation.
#nysm#jack wilder#also they're just so mean to him all throughout for no reason 😫#like you fucking RESPECT jack he is doing all the heavy lifting#the funny thing is he's not even my favorite horseman lmao i just think everyone should be nicer to him#babygirl deserves it
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Fish, 7 (For your prompts! ❤️)
Hi, anon!! Thank you for the prompt, you were the very first one to send one in! 7 was, again, the wildcard, so I randomly generated a different number to land on Yue Qingyuan (from Scum Villain)! I have no choice but to dedicate this to @bytedykes, because I told her about this prompt and she said “yqy pet fish mental health speedrun” and we went, uh, a little insane about it. Enjoy some yuefang, folks!!!!
“Mu-xiong,” Yue Qingyuan says. “I’m sorry to bother you. Are you available?”
“Yue-xiong is never a bother,” Mu Qingfang says warmly. “And I am, actually, yes. Is everything okay, Yue-xiong?”
“I think I need help.” A bit dramatic, perhaps, and Yue Qingyuan hates to trouble Mu Qingfang on a rare day off, but Yue Qingyuan and impulse have never been the best combination, and he would appreciate a second opinion.
Mu Qingfang’s voice turns hard. “Where are you? I'll come right away.”
“What—?” Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone like the blank call screen will tell him why Mu Qingfang suddenly sounds so serious. “I'm at home, but—”
“I'll be right there,” Mu Qingfang says, and hangs up.
Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone for another second, then lifts his gaze to his sparkling new aquarium. His new betta, white and black and resplendent of fin, stares back. Was his crisis of faith about his viability as a fish owner really so deserving of such urgency…?
—
“So,” Mu Qingfang says. “This was your emergency?” He looks about as unimpressed by the betta as it does by the two of them.
Yue Qingyuan feels obscurely like he’s being scolded. Mu Qingfang is one of the nicest men he knows, but that just means that his censure takes the form of a blunt instrument of mass disappointment.
“In my defense,” he points out meekly, “I didn’t say there was an emergency. Mu-xiong just assumed.”
“That’ll teach me,” Mu Qingfang huffs, but at least he looks amused. “Yue-xiong should get used to asking for help more so this gege doesn’t have to panic every time he does ask.”
Yue Qingyuan’s mouth almost drops open. He can only hope his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. “Er—well, I asked this time, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Mu Qingfang allows, looking something horribly close to fond. Yue Qingyuan swallows and tries to hurry on.
“So—not an emergency, but I do want your opinion,” he coughs out. “I’m having… doubts. About the fish.” Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows contract. Yue Qingyuan rushes it out. “Do you think I should keep it?”
“Yue-xiong…” Mu Qingfang looks politely incredulous. “Why does my opinion matter? The fish is already yours, isn’t it? If you don’t think maintaining its upkeep will be feasible, that’s one thing, but… Surely Yue-xiong did the research before getting it?”
He doesn’t sound judgemental, but Yue Qingyuan feels his cheeks warm. “I did, but I wasn’t planning on getting a fish; I was only admiring the tanks. There was a salesperson who was… very insistent.”
Mu Qingfang regards him doubtfully, which is fair. Yue Qingyuan towers over most people he meets, and his bulk only further adds to the impression of immovability. It’s only when he opens his mouth that it becomes clear how spineless he actually is.
Yue Qingyuan falters. “I had thought… I thought it might be nice.” The bettas had seemed so majestic in their tanks, iridescent monarchs of false grass and plastic coves, and Yue Qingyuan had thought, wildly, that one might be rewarding to keep, might breathe a touch of life into his immaculately sleek living room. The whole affair hadn’t even been expensive by his shiny new standards, forget difficult to physically arrange. It was only when installation and set-up for his new aquarium had finished and he was left to watch that jewel-bright being swim disaffectedly through its new home that doubt had seized him, all-consuming and black. He had, admittedly, panicked a little after that.
(Yue Qingyuan’s apartment is very large, and very clean, and very empty. It holds the barest amount of decoration and muss to qualify as lived-in rather than a snapshot from a magazine ad. The fish may, in fact, be the only thing in the entire place which really qualifies as his. No wonder Yue Qingyuan wanted to jettison it from his life as soon as he got it.)
Mu Qingfang’s expression hovers between concern and simple confusion. “I’m sure Yue-xiong will be a more than adequate caretaker,” he says, more gently than Yue Qingyuan and all his neuroses probably deserve. “What’s this really about, Yue-xiong?”
Ah. There it is. Being the mildest person of Yue Qingyuan’s admittedly sharp-tongued social circle doesn’t preclude Mu Qingfang’s wit from being as keen as the scalpels he works with.
“I don’t…” Yue Qingyuan falters. How to express to Mu Qingfang how manifestly unfit Yue Qingyuan is to care for any living creature at all? He changes tack. “I think he hates me,” he admits dolefully.
Mu Qingfang stares at him for a long time, long enough to imply that he’s reevaluating certain opinions about Yue Qingyuan’s intelligence. “Yue-xiong, with all due respect to your new pet—it’s a fish.”
“Fish have emotions!” Yue Qingyuan argues. He flushes at the volume at which it comes out, and at the way Mu Qingfang’s eyes go wide-eyed in startlement. But the salesperson had been very insistent about that, as well. “Bettas are intelligent animals. They dislike certain colors, apparently, and they’re very sensitive—ah, to environmental disruptions, that is. And—”
Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows are still high, but his face has relaxed into a smile. “It sounds to me like you like it quite a bit already. Isn’t that reason enough to keep it?” His tone curls with sudden mischief. “Have heart, Yue-xiong—you’ve hardly known each other for a day! Give it time to adjust to you, and I’m sure you’ll win it over as surely as you do everyone else.” And he grins, sure and easy in his trust that Yue Qingyuan won’t fumble and shatter something so small and monumental as a life that he could cup in his palms.
While Yue Qingyuan is still dazed by that, Mu Qingfang’s eyes alight with interest. “Ah, Yue-xiong—what have you named it?”
“...”
Mu Qingfang’s face falls as devastatingly as it had lit up. “Yue-xiong…”
“Mu-xiong is aware that I was unsure of whether or not I’d keep him!” Yue Qingyuan is terribly aware that his ears are now heating up to match his cheeks. Mu Qingfang’s ensuing laughter does not help with that matter.
Yue Qingyuan is not very good at holding onto things. More often than not, he makes a mess of whatever he’s set his clumsy hands to, lets it fall right through his scarred fingers. But Mu Qingfang’s words ring through his head: Isn’t that reason enough to keep it? And, well, isn’t it? Surely Yue Qingyuan is adult enough to follow through on this. Maybe happiness can be look like his new betta swimming up to the tank to observe the new colorful form moving in front of it, can come as easy as Mu Qingfang quipping that his knowledge about fish is clearly lacking and vowing casually to read up on bettas to be a better fish uncle.
Yue Qingyuan buries a smile and walks over to let Mu Qingfang know that bettas can be trained to follow fingers around. The betta’s clear preference for Mu Qingfang over Yue Qingyuan is as good a marker of intelligence as any fun fact the pet shop worker could have given him. Yes, Yue Qingyuan thinks with a smile—he thinks he’ll be keeping this after all.
#yqy in canon: i make impulsive decisions of a scale where they torpedo my entire life#me: got it. in a modern au he makes expensive impulse purchases and then returns them immediately after#bc he can't conceptualize doing things for himself and also has no idea how to spend all his money he doesn't know what to do with#(this is suchh a vague modern au lmao like mqf is obv still a doctor#but i didn't write yqy as his boss here and am not sure what he does in this world or why he's rich now#and i have no idea who the fucking pet shop salesperson was either. i think it's sqh though)#don't worry about it okay? just enjoy the yuefang and the fruits of my and nik's agenda to make all our fave sect leaders fish owners#i personally see mqf as older than yqy! in this au he thinks he could be really into yqy#but he respects that yqy doesn't seem to be looking for a relationship (and that he has some shit going on that he hasn't seen fit to share#with mqf yet)#so he's content to stick to some mild flirting while enjoying their friendship#meanwhile yqy is totally divorced from the concept of attraction (directed at or coming from him)#so he panics every time mqf flirts with him but has no fucking idea that that's actually what's happening on either end#they would be so good together :)) mqf is going to be such a good fish co-parent :)) this fish is going to get these two together okay :)))#the betta is a black dragon/orchid; i couldn't decide so it's up to you#writing this was kinda funny bc the fish could and probably should have been a metaphor for sj#but i wanted to write smth yqy-centric that didn't directly allude to him even once#and i succeeded!!!#the entire reason i wrote this as modern au was bc i thought of mqf calling yqy 'yue-xiong' and went insane btw#OKAY SHUTTING UP NOW. THANK YOU AGAIN ANON!!!!!#asks#anonymous#my writing#svsss#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#yuefang#yqy tag
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just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your comic I am so inspired by it and it’s so lovely and I wanna buy the physical books (I’ve never done that before) I just AUGGHHH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO 💙💙💙
do you allow fanart? And is there anything not allowed? I wanna draw adam and steve so bad 😭
Of course it's allowed! Fanart fanfic fan music fan dubs whatever!
I like to think I'm sort of "building a playground" when I make a story, have fun on it! I made it for you!
In my general opinion, it's not my business what my "fandom" does... It's on you and also me to curate our own spaces! If you're inspired by my work in any way, that's the greatest honor I could imagine and I want you to feel fully free to explore that. If someone is being weird, I know where the block button is and they can keep being weird where I don't have to see it haha
Just don't like... sell it... it's messy legally with webtoon and I'm one person making the story and it's my whole income so the few sales I get are kind of huge for me ;_;
#the way I see it is if I put up a boundary of like 'dont make something that I wouldnt want to see'#all it does is scare the people who respect me into not making anything!#and the people who were never going to respect me anyways were going to make those things regardless#because they didn't respect me. so they wouldnt care if I put that boundary up.#so my opinion is like honestly it's not my business what you do... if you're doing something weird with my story it's not reflecting on me#like youre the one doing the weird thing not me...? so why would I care LOL#I'm pretty good about blocking tags or ignoring the things that make me uncomfortable. which has happened#also like. I'll be honest#if you sold like 3 I also wouldnt care AHGASJGLKGJASLGKJSA#cause idk. I dont generally feel like it's taking away from my business...#idk!!! it's a weird zone#like I need money to live but morally I'm not opposed to other people making art and selling it so idk where to land on that#but uhhh webtoon wouldnt like it if you sold it. so#I'm not going to like go after someone idk...#if I did not need the money to live. I wouldnt care at all and would probably encourage other people selling my stuff#or like their art of my stuff. not my art of my stuff. never do that#thats just regular theft#but webtoon does NOT!!! like that and idk how much they go after stuff like that. I know they went after scanlation sites sob#novaeverse#asks#sorry this is so unclear. my opinions on it are unclear lmao#basically. do whatever.#I can't stop what you are doing and I will not waste the energy trying#all I ask for is some basic respect!#and I dont think I can or should ask for more. so#enjoy! make whatever! it's literally making free art for me AUGASJGLKSAJGALKGJ how could I say no...
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#people are gonna be big mad when I say this so I’m hiding it in tags#lmao if you’re still a Ziam I love you I respect you and just… stop reading now lol for your health okay?#or unfollow and block me whatever just… CURATE YOUR EXPERIENCE IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY#but the DIFFERENCE between how Zayn talks about his daughter#versus…. well I mean do I even have to say it lmao#I’m watching the Zach Sang interview and it is freaking WILD#W I L D#and I just think people should maybe use critical thinking skills and wonder why that is#and! and! Zayn and Gigi have done a fabulous job drawing boundaries about what they will and won’t share#so don’t come at me with oh but Louis needs to be private#or some of that nonsense#because at no point does Zayn say things that really cross that line?#he just…. he talks like an actual dad#and I’m sorry I know no one cares and we’re in this and it doesn’t matter#but the difference - if someone actually cared to look and listen?#the difference is astonishing in my opinion#anyway#ignore this lol
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Friede, Amethio and Zeiyu..
#love how my man effortlessly and randomly gets on their nerves <3#friede was so cute this ep though.. the way he actually wanted to play and enjoy the festival in his own way#he was soo cute.. even at the end he was still willing to take on zeiyu's challenge#because he wanted to have fun too! it's just that he needed to look for briar#i actually have thoughts about friede's competitive spirit. but can't exactly articulate them right now#something something about how friede is usually the responsible leader and carries a Lot in terms of things and people to protect#but he likes battles too and i think he wanted to channel his competitive spirit somewhere. something he can't exactly do with the rvt#which is why imo he was happy to have found a rival in amethio. because he gets to show that side of him with someone#amethio is as important to friede as friede is to him. because friede gets to be competitive with him in a battle setting with an equal.#something that he can't do anywhere else.#anyway. i should get around to writing more on their rivalry someday#i think the setting is a bit similar with zeiyu.#it feels like friede gets competitive around people he genuinely likes.#i feel like he values people who are straightforward and honest?#and both amethio and zeiyu are open about challenging others etc..#friede probably doesn't respect(? for lack of better word) fake people (like spinel lmao)#anyway. it's all interesting stuff#and in the end it comes off as teens beefing with friede and him accidentally provoking them and i think that's hilarious#hz069#friede#zeiyu#character notes#episode notes
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so you know how I've been talking about the Kazuha Demon Slayer crossover for ages now?
Hahahaha
Chapter 1 is out :)
#ahjskdkhjf#drops this and runs#I will be honest!!! I dont think I characterized sanemi very well lmao#he's the exact kind of character I don't know how to write! Like selectively respectful and doesn't give a shit otherwise#and also like extremely angry and driven and such! I am much more used to writing quiet pensive more rational characters I think#I had to rewrite this first chapter like 3 times because I couldn't figure out how to get Sanemi and Kazuha to mesh together very well#Like neither of them are particularly trusting on first meeting someone especially with added suspicion from both sides#and I still have like. no idea how to actually write grief which greatly complicates writing this#because it's meant to be an exploration of Kazuha's grief through the lens of other demon slayer characters#oh well if people don't like it I suppose it was still good practice on writing#It is 1 AM and I am Letting Anxiety Get the Better of Me#and I have to wake up at 8 tomorrow so I should go sleep#ok bye
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꒰୨୧꒱
#the thing is that even if i always long for a relastionship...#i've never even been in one and idk how they work & im so scared of many things#i have sm troubles and issues with touch. i've gotten to a place where i cant even stand my own sisters or mom bumping into me#and outside i cant stand when someone accidentally walks into me or touching someone's legs on the bus#i hate it. it's not only feeling uncomfortable i feel distressed and scared and sick#smth that seems very normal in like all couples is that youre 'allowed' to touch eo all thge time whenever#that scares me a lot. like touch is so scary for me. and when youre in a relationship theres just this silent agreement that you can touch#eo all the time and thats like... how it's supposed to be.... ://#thats so scary to me. that theres this expectation and demand that if im someones gf they should be allowed to touch me whnever#and like i've never been in love and been in a relationship and been touched by that person so idk#maybe it wouldnt be an issue. but just thinking that.. i dont belong completely to myself and therefore give up#the right to not be touched if and when i feel distressed or uneasy is too scary for me#maybe i could learn to feel safe with them and want their touch but rn it scares me skskks#what if they kiss me when im feeling extremely sex reoulsed and wanna kill myself bc of my inner agony#and they get hurt when i try to pull away?#bc regardless of what ppl say... it is a truth that in a relationship youre exoected to want physical touch at all times#and it is seen as an insult to your partner if there are other forces within u (like trauma etc) that makes u sometimes uncomfortable w it#but yeah idk... the problem is that... in humanity and society#consent is one of the least important and prioritized things. as a humanbeing living u will have your consent disregarded countless times#and for me personally consent is one of the most important things. & thats one of the reasons why its so hard for me to live in this society#like yes i do want to have a partner and touch and be touched#but what if we're in the store and im feeling particularly bad that day and feel like#i need to turn myself inside out and peel my skin off and feel anxious and scared#and they just casually grab my ass?? then i will go home and kill myself :) or have a breakdown in the store lol#i dont want to go thru this but i also dont wanna put someone else thru it#and like it would be different if they asked first if i was ok being touched and i said yes#and if i said no theyd respect me and not get hurt#but like be for real.... almost nobody does that. and almost everyone thinks thats lame#in most relationships nobody asks eo. youre expected to just always be ok with it. if u want to be asked youre silly and demanding#nobody asks their partner abt that. that just dont happen lmao. so idk. :((( i wish i was normal
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youtube
goals 😍
#what Excellent texture i love this so much#their other vids also look good but my laptop was overheating lmao so i will watch more later#video#embroidery#i don't think i wanna try doing this on these knit gloves but i am def gonna do some of their flowers on my tiny terrarium print#i think the leaves should look a little more jagged but that may be a difference between our respective local varieties#and i'm pretty sure i can figure out how to do that#Youtube#also watching them do french knots was a revelation and i am much less intimidated by them now
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very ironic that there have been several story beats throughout fontaine like "the melusines are often infantalized by people but they are fully autonomous beings who deserve respect" and then half of the fan base is like awe cute little melusine baby who is like a child and a kid and a baby who needs to be taken care of by other characters because they're like a human toddler 🥺. die.
#so so weird gives me the ick as the kids say. stop that.#ppl charactarizing sigewinne as a child/acting like she's other characters kid#when she literally says outright that ppl treat her like a kid and think she's stupid so she uses this to manipulate them. lmao.#they literally HAVE JOBS. THEY GET PAID AND GO TO WORK EVERY DAY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.#I think many of the melusines we've met so far have been Naive#but that 1. doesn't mean they should be infantalized#and 2. reflects each characters specific circumstances not like. all melusines as a group of sentient beings#I know I am way too pressed about how a fictional race of ppl in a gacha game are being treated by strangers but it pisses me off#esp when the game is so outright in discouraging the exact thing that fans are doing#that always gets me in any piece of media when the message is so clearly against what fans are doing like. WERE YOU PAYING ATTENTION. DIE.#also like whenever there Are naive or 'childlike' melusines the game makes clear that they should still be treated w respect and autonomy#and that they still have skills and strengths regardless#and that being naive or innocent doesn't mean they aren't independent beings that are literally hundrends of years old#its just sooo ridiculous Especially when it comes to sigewinne#she is not neuvillette and wriothesleys kid she is a medical doctor who shot someone. what the fuck are you talking about#ghost posts#text#genshin
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i know that i applied for the leave of absence from my school a long while ago but,,, today i officially sent an email saying that i'm actually withdrawing now
i'm really glad i did wind up taking that time away from the school to figure myself out. it gave me a lot of time to reassess and get back in tune with myself and what i truly want rather than do things out of obligation towards others
even if i am a little exhausted that technically now i'm striving towards two dreams and working towards both at the same time, it's still nice to be like 'oh this is way more like me!' and feel at least a little happier with it :>
so! i'm much happier now at least. and at least for one of those dreams i can see so much progress for someone who only started to pick it back up in may. i'm really excited to share more of it but for now it's just the waiting game :]
#avil speaks#was thinking about it for a bit lmao#IT WAS ALSO VERY HARD TO THINK ABOUT BECAUSE MY CURRENT JOB IS SO STRESSFUL AND IVE BEEN HATING IT SM#that i just wind up being very angry when i get back home and i just need to shut down for several hours#but todays my day off so i was just thinking about it a little bit#that plus i did two interviews thatll help me with the other dream i have in mind so im like :>#i guess it just feels nice to realize that its sorta coming together now#anyways! i should go eat lunch ^7^#im kinda shy about both dreams tbh but#the main one was just voiceacting but i think ive been talking a lot about it#i get so excited about it though that i wanna share what ive been up to but T 3 T#its not like im under an nda anyways but in respect of the creator id rather wait till the finished product is out#anyways (rolls back into selfship account again)
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[its own post and not in the tags] five years later i have spent muuuuuuuuuuch time agonizing over finding the limits of my responsibilities and the exactitudes of my fuckups and how profusely and heartfelt i would apologize for them if he ever came wanting one. however i also suspect unless he got more well-balanced about a lot of things real quick in this time that he would put more blame on me than im interested in taking.
and now that im no longer thinking about this every single day ive lost some of the authenticity of my desire to prostrate myself in repentance and go for the more kneejerk instinct to blame /him/ for more than he was actually responsible for lol. and some like. preemptive unfair irritation at the expectation of him blaming me for things.
and so [avpd wins!] i still think the best option for both of us is to continue not crossing paths and dredging this up lol. bc i think all i could manage politely is the heartfelt but precise apology and then i would have nothing else i wanted to interact w him about without fighting kjsfg. thank u me every day for irritating him into giving up the pretense about wanting to stay friends so i could work this all out in the privacy of my brain and not At him
#now once a year i just agonize abt what to do w one of his emotionally significant belongings that ended up w me in the move#whats the correct timing on figuring out how to contact abt him on that and also making it clear this is not an overture to#talking to him again kjsdfg#meanwhile me and my roommate BOTH went thru this about each other for an extremely disproportionate number of years#for the time we actually knew each other before. just to actually talk about it one day now and find out she had a completely different#understanding of what went wrong and our respective [handwaves] cancelled out and didnt actually matter now. so.#i lucked out of taking responsibility for that one too!!!!!!!!!! lmao#which is good bc im still resistant to on that specific issue ig id sum up now as being functionally aro <- guy who kinda sucks tbh#guy who demonstrably should not be dating people but still thinks about dating people. luckily the 10 million obstacles keep me from#repeating any of this! <- applying dbt wrong
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i'm just saying there comes a point at which you have to think long and hard about the situation(s) you have found yourself in. the reason why you think i'm the common denominator across all of your failed relationships is because you are still obsessed with using me as a scapegoat for all your problems despite having zero evidence to suggest it's true, and because it's easier than admitting you have not changed in the past two years. perhaps you should look at yourself and your own actions
#the irony is that everything you've accused me of is literally a projection of your own actions#i stopped thinking or talking about you the second we amicably ended our friendship despite your inability to respect boundaries#but you're so angry i drew a line that you're STILL obsessing over me 2 years later? going around my back & making up stories?#being bitter & spiteful about me to other ppl? trying to get random strangers online to hate me?#& you have the gall to say I'M the one whisper networking. lmao.#truly idc if you want to be angry at me but i think you should understand that if you want to spend your life bitter about me to everyone#to the point you push them away & piss them off with the same shit you did to me. they are inevitably going to question whether what#you said about me is true. then they're gonna ask me for themselves & it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that YOU created#& i don't have to make up a fantasy version of you to justify being mad at you. i just need to tell the truth
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