#so i think starting tomorrow twice a day probably 6 pm and 8 pm if i had to guess

[general-george-washington]

quick coyote

[kybabi]

Hi!!! I love your writing it’s so soft & cute 💗 Can I request something for Suga, Sakusa, and Mattsukawa forgetting your birthday and how they eventually make it up to you. Thank you and hope this isn’t too much :)

forgetting their s/o’s birthday :(

w/ suga, matsukawa, and sakusa!

part 1!

series masterlist here!

(a/n: WHEN I TELL YOU YOU READ MY MIND BRUH BYE😭 i always wanted to write about characters forgetting important dates even before i started this blog HAHAH anyways

thank you sm for requesting anon! i hope i’m able to do this prompt justice😔 i did write these in the timeskip since i think i’m better at it this way. also idk why but this writing went on for way longer than i expected⁉️)

suga

suga’s been exhausted lately

being a teacher requires quite a lot of energy, especially when teaching a class of rowdy children

he often comes home too tired to do anything

and you really can’t blame him; you know you’d be the same in his position

but tomorrow is your birthday, so you’re hoping you’ll be able to do a little something, nothing big though

koushi’s always been very considerate, so you think he’ll probably be able to put his work down for a minute

even if you’ve never seen your birthday as that big of a deal, he’s always celebrated it with you anyway :)

you wake up to sunlight filtering through the blinds on the window, and yawn. you smile; today’s your birthday!

you reach over on koushi’s side of the bed, only to find that it’s cold there. you sit up, confused. and then you realize that he probably just left early for work today.

you check your phone to see if he’s sent you anything this morning, but it comes up blank. you shrug, figuring he’ll probably just come home this afternoon and wish you a happy birthday himself.

you spend the day enjoying your day off, watching your favorite shows and lounging around. obviously you wish suga was with you, but you know he needs to work today, so you have a little self-love session.

4:00 approaches and you wait for him to come home, as he usually comes home around this time. you wait, and wait, and figure maybe he just had some things to do at work.

then 6:00 rolls around and you’re a little bit tired of waiting around, but you figure it’s not that big of a deal.

it’s past 8:00 when you’ve become irritated, your phone empty, not a single message from your boyfriend in your inbox.

then, you finally hear the door open, and you go to see him. he gives you a peck on the lips and continues down the hallway towards his desk, where he sits down and sets up his laptop. he doesn’t pick up on your irritation at all.

“so,” you start. “where have you been?”

“work,” he mutters, eyes focused on the screen of his computer. you scoff, and he finally looks up at you. “what?”

“i don’t know, i just thought we’d do something today. you’re always busy.”

he sighs, as if he doesn’t have the patience to deal with you. “i know, baby. but i need to finish this, okay?” he turns back to his screen.

“seriously? that’s all you have to say?”

“y/n, i don’t have the energy for this. we’ll do something later, okay?” he says, not even paying attention to you.

and then it finally dawns on you that, he forgot.

you want to say something but decide against it, turning on your heel and entering your bedroom, slamming the door behind you.

suga sighs, exhausted, and looks at the time on his computer. 9:28 pm, the clock reads, next to the date. then his eyes finally find the date, and his heart drops.

he scrambles around on his laptop, afraid to check his calendar to confirm, but it’s lying there, outlined in red, fat letters.

it’s your birthday. and he completely forgot.

then he remembers the way you were acting, and everything makes sense now. and then he remembers how he treated you. he feels terrible.

he knocks twice on the door and opens it to find the light off and you in bed already, turned away from him on your side. his chest pangs with regret.

he kneels down in front of you, and you turn away from him.

“baby?”

no response.

“i’m sorry, y/n. i totally forgot about today and i—”

“it’s fine, koushi. you were just busy,” you cut him off, voice embarrassingly watery.

“that’s not an excuse, okay? i should’ve made time for you, and i got so caught up in my work that i just forgot that i’m not the only one in this relationship,” he explains. “please let me make it up to you?”

silence.

“i love you?” he tries again, heart in his throat. he waits a few moments.

then you turn back over to face him, and your eyes are watery.

“i just missed you.”

his own eyes are filling up now, and he puts his forehead on yours.

“i’ll be better from now on, okay?”

you nod, that smile he loves taking its rightful place on your face.

he laughs softly.

matsukawa

you know mattsun loves you (he really does)

but lately it seems like he hasn’t had any time for you

you know that he’s always quite busy, what with work and other friends

but sometimes you wish you could just spend some time alone with him

luckily, your birthday is coming up!

every year, you and issei spend the day together just relaxing and being with each other

you’re looking forward to just having a day to spend with him :)

issei has already left for work when you wake up, and you send him a message telling him to have a good day.

today, you figure you’ll be productive, organizing the pantry and doing a little cooking for yourself.

it’s late in the afternoon when issei finally comes home, and you get up, excited to see him! you wrap your arms around his waist and squeeze gently, your face in his chest. but something’s wrong, because he doesn’t hug you back in the way he usually would.

he walks past you and into the living room, and he doesn’t seem to be in a good mood today.

“is everything okay?” you ask. he shrugs.

“work has just been exhausting lately,” he mutters.

“oh,” you reply. “maybe you should take some time off, relax a bit?” he scoffs, as if the idea offends him.

“i can’t do that right now, y/n.”

“well, maybe you have to. i feel like i never see you anymore; you’re never even around,” you mumble, frustrated.

he seems to be getting just as irritated as you, because he sighs in annoyance.

“look, you can’t expect me to spend every hour of every day with you. some people actually have things to do. don’t put this on me just because you’re lonely, okay?” you reel back, hurt.

why is he treating you like this? and on your birthday?

and then you realize that he doesn’t even know. and that hurts even worse.

“issei, i’m not asking you to throw away your life for me? but it’s like you don’t even care about spending time with me anymore!”

he puts his head in his hands, frustrated.

“y/n, why are you so mad at me? i’ve had a really fucking rough day today, and i don’t need you yelling—”

“well maybe if you hadn’t forgotten my fucking birthday, i wouldn’t be so upset!”

he freezes. what?

you turn away from him, eyes watering angrily, and stifle a sob. you don’t even care that much about your birthday, but the fact that he didn’t even care enough to remember stings bitterly.

meanwhile, issei is helplessly counting dates and weeks in his head. he’s reeling through a calendar in his mind, and when he finally realizes what day it actually is, his heart stops for a second.

“baby...”

“just forget it,” you whisper, voice tiny. “it wasn’t that important anyway.”

he tries to reach for your hand but you push him away.

“i’m just gonna go to bed, i think,” you mutter under your breath. “i’m sorry for yelling at you.”

as you leave, mattsukawa watches you go, and while he’s desperate to catch you and apologize, you’re probably angry at him and he doesn’t want to make it worse.

the more he thinks about it, the worse he feels. when he can’t think of the last time the two of you just spent some time together, he realizes you were right. he put his own problems in front of you, and in doing so, he hurt your feelings. he couldn’t even remember your own birthday. determined to make things right, he takes out his phone.

around half an hour later, he opens the door softly. the lights are off and you’re on your side, still sniffling quietly. the bed dips behind you, and you turn to see issei next to you. he lies down on his side, facing you, and brings your face close to his. he noses at your cheek affectionately, and while you’re upset, you’ve missed his touch so much you can’t push him away.

“i’m taking a week off just for the two of us, okay?” he whispers against your lips. your eyes get watery again. issei doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself for making you cry on your birthday.

“you did this for me?” you whimper.

he sighs regretfully. “i’m so sorry, baby. i didn’t even realize how much i was neglecting you. please let me make it up to you?”

you laugh, sobbing pathetically, and bury your face in his chest.

“okay,” you giggle softly. “cuddles?”

he pulls the covers over you and holds you close.

“anything.”

sakusa

dating a pro athlete was never something you pictured yourself doing, ever

but now that you’re doing it, you can’t see your life any other way :)

the only thing is, sakusa always has a lot on his plate

having a balance between you and the rest of his life has always been difficult

and lately, it feels like he’s been drifting away

you miss him :(

buttt thankfully your birthday is coming up, so you hope that’ll give you some time alone with each other!

sakusa has been very busy with the MSBY team, and it’s been hard for him to think about anything else.

today, he’d left super early in the morning to get to practice. the team had to condition even harder than usual, and kiyoomi was already running on low energy when they began actual practice. and now, practice is over, and he’s irritable and all he wants to do is go home and sleep.

meanwhile, you’ve been at home, waiting for him to come back after practice. neither of you are that big on birthdays, but you’re hoping that you’ll be able to spend a few hours with him before the day is over.

when he finally walks through the door, you get up and take his bag for him, welcoming him home. he mutters a thanks under his breath.

you notice that he’s even more tired than usual, and you nudge at his arm. “you okay, omi?”

“tired,” he murmurs.

“oh,” you respond. “wanna watch a movie? or are you hungry? we could always—”

“i don’t feel like doing anything right now, y/n.”

you deflate. “sorry, i just figured that you’ve been so busy lately, and i thought maybe it’d be good for you to relax.”

“i think it’d be good for you to just leave me alone right now, y/n. i need to rest, and you’re just being a distraction.” sakusa rests his head against the couch, closing his eyes.

your heart stings at that, and now it’s clear to you that he doesn’t even remember what day it is. there’s a lump in your throat, and you swallow.

“right.”

you decide to leave and let him be, walking into your bedroom and closing the door behind you. he probably didn’t even notice that i left, you think.

kiyoomi is laying on the couch, head tilted up to the ceiling, when his rest is interrupted by his phone ringing. he plans to ignore it, but it’s so loud that he just picks it up in annoyance.

“what,” he grits out, irritated.

“chill dude, i was just checking in to see how you were doing!” atsumu chuckles into the phone on the other side. “you looked like you were about to fall over at practice.”

“well, i was trying to get some rest in right now, but then someone decided to call me,” sakusa mutters. atsumu laughs again.

“okay, well, i’ll leave you to it then,” he continues. “oh wait, tell y/n i said happy birthday!”

sakusa grumbles at that, about to hang up when atsumu’s words register in his head.

he sits up, fully awake now. “what?”

“tell them i said happy birthday; i didn’t get a chance to text them at all today,” he explains.

“...”

“omi?”

“i’ll call you back.”

“what—”

he hangs up the phone and stares at it for a while.

fuck. fuck. fuck. what day is it? i could’ve sworn.. there’s no way.. kiyoomi’s mind is racing.

his heart is beating rapidly in his chest as he checks his reminders on his phone. and there it is, bolded neatly: “y/n’s birthday.”

“fuck,” sakusa swears, burying his face in his hands. he can’t believe that he forgot. the fact that atsumu remembered and he didn’t.. god, he fucked up. badly.

he called you a distraction and told you to leave him alone when you just wanted to spend some time together. and now he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.

he opens the door after knocking on it softly. he sees you gasp softly, hiccuping, and then bury your face in your pillow in an attempt to seem asleep. he would laugh at your adorable behavior if he didn’t feel like absolute shit right now.

for now, though, he sits on the bed next to you, and pulls the covers off of you. you shiver, and he scoops you up into his lap. you feel warm and soft, and you hide your face away from his gaze in his chest. he kisses your hair affectionately, and you sniffle at the gesture. you cry into his shirt, comforted by his touch.

“i’m sorry, y/n,” he mumbles. “i’m sorry for forgetting about today and for neglecting you and for being a complete asshole to you when you didn’t do anything wrong.”

your grip on his shirt tightens, and you snuggle in closer to him.

“i love you, okay? i never wanted to hurt you, and i hate myself for doing that to you.”

at that, you look up at him, teary-eyed and nose red from sniffling.

“‘s okay, omi. i’m not mad at you for forgetting about my birthday. i just miss you being here with me. sometimes it feels like you don’t even want me anymore.”

kiyoomi looks down at you in disbelief. how could you think that? he can’t even imagine how his life would be without you in it.

he puts your face in his hands, thumbs wiping away your tears. he lays a kiss on your lips, and then a couple on your eyelids, and more on your cheeks.

“i’d never want to live in a life without you. i need you,” he whispers.

“so sappy,” you mumble. a soft smile graces his lips.

“shut up,” he mutters, quiet and sweet.

yeah, you think. we’ll be okay.

[earthblooded]

Just a drink - Rayllum Modern AU

Rayllum - Modern AU

Rating: M

Warning: Suggestions to adult-themed content, but nothing explicit.

Synopsis: Rayla's roommate, Nyx, convinces her to take a break from work for a night out, leading to a fun night, but eventual regret.

This is a fic that's been in my head for way longer than any other fic I've written for TDP but I never really had the time or energy to write it. I still technically don't have the time to write it, but I sure did find the energy tonight.

It'll probably turn into a multi-chap fic at some point, but I'll hold off uploading to ao3 until I intend to do so

“C’mon Rayla, you work yourself to death.”

Rayla sighed, leaning away from her laptop. She wasn’t a workaholic as many people pegged her to be, she just liked to keep herself busy. Getting any work done was becoming more and more challenging with her roommate breathing down her neck. This was the fourth time she had asked her to go out drinking.

“I can’t Nyx, it’s a Sunday and I need to be up early for work tomorrow.” Rayla chewed on her lip, glancing at the time – 8 pm – she still had time to get some reports finished before an early night.

“Well, everyone says Sunday is the new Friday, so maybe you should just come out.”

She stopped typing to raise her eyebrow, casting a skeptical look at her friend. “Who says that?”

“People.” Nyx answered, before waving her hand dismissively, “and anyway, you need the time to chill out. You’ve clearly been stressed because you keep snapping at me about dumb stuff.”

Rayla considered this, wincing when she recalled several occasions on that same day she had been short with Nyx about housekeeping, turning off music, her poor habits... “Fine, I’ll come out, but you can’t pester me about this again for another month.”

“Deal.”

Rayla gave her a week to break that deal.

____________________________________________________

“I thought we we’re just going for drinks.” Rayla said, as they queued to get into a club.

“I think they do drinks here.” Nyx nodded, pointing to a poster for drink deals on the wall. “Look, 2 for 1 on shots.”

“You know what I mean – like beer in the local, not clubbing.” Rayla watched a group of young women staggered out, giggling. “Nyx, you know I hate this, please can we go somewhere else?”

“No was Jose. You’re going to let loose tonight and tomorrow you will thank me.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

_____________________________________________________

Heaviness was the only word she could use to describe how she felt waking up the next day, her ringtone blaring in her ear. She wasn’t hungover, she barely drank anything, but she was tired – having arrived home at ridiculous-o-clock.

Home... no not quite, she realised, as she opened her eyes. Her bedroom didn’t have stacks of canvases and paint pots on every available surface. She sat up suddenly as her eyes scanned the room, trying to identify anything familiar to give her a clue as to where she was. Her clothing was scattered about the floor, her purse and contents among them. Light cast in through floor-to-ceiling windows, adorned with vine plants wrapping around the curtain poles. Sheer white curtains hung from them.

She pulled the duvet around her shoulders, feeling exposed despite still wearing underwear. She had a fairly good inkling as to what happened but there was one thing missing...

“Oh, you’re awake!”

Ahh. This is what happened.

She was greeted by a man in the doorway of the room, his brown hair ruffled, pupils blown wide as he regarded her and his t-shirt neckline was askew revealing the pink mark she had left him on his collarbone. This along with the state of the room, painted a fairly clear image of what had happened, even to those not involved.

In his hands, he held a tray with a small French-press, a couple of mugs and a plate of some sort of pastry. He crossed the room, setting down the tray on the bedside table as he sat opposite her.

“Coffee?” He offered, pouring a mug.

“Hmm,” she smiled, accepting it. As their fingers brushed, her mind flashed to the night before – his breath in her ear, lips on her skin, hands and body tending to her needs – she shifted uncomfortably as she felt that same heat rise up in her again. “Is this how you treat all the girls you bring home?” She asked, her eyebrow raised.

“I’ve never really had a one-night stand, so no... but maybe I’ll start.”

“Oh, just the one night we’re having, is it?” Rayla said, feigning offence. She’d never felt so bold before, but with this guy, she felt comfortable.

“Not if I can help it.” he replied, his eyes landing on her lips as he leaned forward.

Rayla’s ringtone blared again and the man’s head dropped into the crook of her neck as he groaned. She laughed, consoling him by smoothing down his shaggy hair as she picked up her phone.

Nyx was calling... holy shit 6 missed calls.

Her eyes flicked to the clock in the corner of the screen – 8am.

“Shit!” Rayla sprang free from his embrace and his lips on her neck. She bundled her clothing in her arms and hurried to the door. “I’m sorry, I have to go - I need to go home and change before work.”

“Wait, what about your coffee?”

“Sorry... you drink mine. You’ll need it after the night we had.” Really not the time to flirt right now, Rayla she chastised herself, lingering by the door as she watched him rise to protest further.

“What about breakfast? My aunt always said that breakfast was the most important meal of the day.” He raised an eyebrow, in an attempt to tempt her... and it almost worked.

“I don’t have time. I’m sorry – we'll do this another time and we’ll have breakfast, okay?” He sighed, but nodded in agreement. “Great, where’s your bathroom?”

Rayla came out a few moments later, having dressed and made herself semi-presentable for the commute back to the apartment. She found the man in the hallway, a brown bag in his hand held out to her.

“What’s this?”

“You should never miss breakfast.” He smiled, placing the bag into her waiting hand. “Here’s yours, to go.”

___________________________________________________

It was almost 10am and Rayla was sat in her office, staring at the reports she had yet to finish. The ones she should have finished last night if Nyx hadn’t have dragged her away.

Nyx. Rayla had just enough time to change and freshen up when she got back before heading to the office, but hadn’t caught up with Nyx yet.

The dial tone rang twice before she picked up.

“Oh, my gods, Rayla?”

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t have time to call you back and you weren’t home when I got in.”

“I went to work early. Are you okay?” She asked, but gave little time for Rayla to answer before she continued. “When you didn’t answer for the fourth time last night, I assumed you’d been kidnapped. Police said I had to wait 24 hours before reporting you missing.” She grumbled the last part and Rayla shook her head in amusement. Rayla felt lucky to have someone who cared so much for her, even if she was a bit ridiculous sometimes.

“Sorry for worrying you. I was with a...” she grimaced, knowing full well how Nyx would react “guy.”

Nyx squealed on the other end, but Rayla knew to hold the phone away from her ear and had prepared in time. “Tell me everything! Who is he?”

“Some guy from the club.”

“What’s his name?”

“I don’t know”

“Okay... great.” She said sarcastically. “Well, I know you never ever put out on the first night, so what happened? Were you drunk?”

“No, Nyx, I had that one tequila shot you forced me to drink and that it.” Rayla heard a knock at the door, and glanced up to see Soren wave at her through the window. She raised a finger, indicating she just needed a minute. “Look, I promise I’ll tell you everything later. I need to get back to work.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Nyx said before hanging up.

Rayla sighed – telling Nyx was definitely a mistake she’d live to regret.

“Hey Soren, come in.”

“Happy Monday, boss.” Soren said, striding in, as chipper as he always was. He was her second-in-command in their team. His up-beat attitude meant that she delegated a lot of the more hands-on work to him, while she worked on the nitty-gritty in the background. “New guy is here; you want me to send him in?”

Recruitment wasn’t something that she usually delegated to Soren – she had little faith in his judgement based on his previous hires – however, she was called away to other meetings on the day of interviews and so the responsibility fell to Soren, begrudgingly.

Rayla picked up the neat stack of documents on her desk, ready for the new recruit to sign his life away. “Yes, please – Callum, is it?” She read from the contract at the top of the pile.

Soren nodded, beckoning the new starter in. From her peripheral, she saw Callum walk into the room and she raised her head to greet him.

“Callum, sorry I missed the...” she trailed off as familiar forest-green eyes met hers. He was a lot more put together than he was a mere two hours ago – his hair smoothed tidily, the shirt and jacket concealed any marks of passion. His expression stayed neutral but Rayla saw the recognition flash in his eyes as they swept over her.

She fought back a shudder as the heat rose in her again but before her mind ran wild with memories, she realised how wrong it all was. She was in trouble.

[delaber]

Just Friends (Part 8)

Story Summary: After moving to America for a 3-month long internship, you meet two interesting characters on a boring night out.

Word Count: 4.6K

Pairing: Rafael Casal x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, minor drug use, smut, slight dom!Rafa, swearing, and loads of British references (sorry not sorry lol)

Chapter Note: this chapter is dedicated to exrthangel because she’s honestly the sweetest thing ever and she’s studying so hard rn ❤️

Tag List: lonelydance mysearchforgratification ramp-it-up blndspotting summerofsnowflakes exrthangel honeysucklechocolatedrippin

Other Parts: See Masterlist

You had read the message over and over again ever since you had received it a couple of days ago: I have a surprise for Friday. Will pick you up at 6. Wear dark clothes.

What the hell did he have up his sleeve? Why the dark clothes? You were utterly confused as you on Friday afternoon pulled on a pair of black jeans, a black top, and your leather jacket.

At 5.55 pm, you were tying the shoelaces on a pair of combat boots when you heard Samantha exclaim from her seat in the window sill, "are you kidding me?!"

"Oh no," you groaned, "what is it?"

Samantha was looking out the window with her mouth hanging open when she suddenly started to laugh, "he has a bloody motorbike," she said in disbelief, "Where'd you find this boy? He's textbook American!"

You rushed to Samantha's side and saw Rafa on a motorbike, wearing an outfit that was roughly matching yours. He pulled off his helmet and flipped his hair before he started walking towards the front door.

"Oh, and he's cute up close too!" Samantha said as she studied him swagger up to your house.

You hurried towards the front door, calling out to Samantha, "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Oh no! You do not get off that easily!" Samantha ran from the window sill and held you back at the door, "I am going to meet this guy who's all you've been able to talk about since New Years!"

You heard a low chuckle coming from the other side of the door, "aw, you tell your friends about that guy?" Rafa spoke from the other side of the closed front door, his voice sounding as if it was about to burst with happiness.

"Not when he butts in on private conversations going on behind closed doors," you mocked him.

You could hear him chuckle slightly before Samantha in one swift motion turned the doorknob and opened the door to a smiling Rafa.

"Ladies," he nodded to both of you, sending you a wink. You had to give it to Samantha; he did look particularly good up close.

"Rafa, this is my roomie Samantha," you cleared your throat, "Samantha this is... the guy I've been talking about apparently."

Samantha extended her hand, "Nice to finally meet you. I'm Samantha."

Rafa took her hand, "likewise. I'm Rafael."

"Your real name is Rafael?" it slipped out of you and Samantha sent you a weird look.

"Yeah, what'd you think Rafa was short for?" he laughed, his crooked tooth somehow more fetching than usual.

"I honestly haven't given it much thought," you laughed and he sent you a sappy smile looking at you very softly for a couple of seconds.

Samantha noticed the sexual tension and decided to break it, "well you two have fun, yeah? I won't wait up so don't bother having her home on this side of midnight. The magic won't wear off, I swear," Samantha winked before she let you and Rafa go.

"See you later, Samantha," Rafa chuckled as he stepped down from the porch.

'Stop that!' you mouthed to your grinning roomie before you followed Rafa.

You heard the front door close shut behind you, and first then did Rafa whip around, "are you ready for the best friend-date you've ever been on?" he said theatrically.

"You bet!" you matched his level of excitement, "although I'm a bit nervous as to what we'll be doing with that," you gestured to his motorbike, while dreading his answer.

"We're going for a ride," he said dramatically and threw you one of two helmets that had been lying on the seat.

"You're not serious... I'm not going on the back of that!"

"Do you not trust me?" He smirked as he climbed the bike.

"Of course, but..."

"Then get up. I'll go slow, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"You're gonna love it!"

"O-okay," you said and swung your leg over the seat, tightening your helmet significantly.

"Just hold on tight, okay?"

"Hold on tight to what? There are no handlebars back here," you said in a panicky voice.

"Hold on to me of course," Rafa laughed.

Your arms snaked nervously around his waist, and he put a reassuring hand on top of yours for just a second before he took a deep breath and retracted it again. You couldn't help but wonder if this was the exact reason why he had wanted you on the back of his bike in the first place.

He turned the engine and slowly drove away from your townhouse while you whimpered in the backseat. He started off by slowly going through your neighbourhood checking on you regularly while you felt more and more comfortable on the bike. Every time he felt your arms loosen their grip around him, he sped up slightly, causing you to tighten your grab around his waist significantly. You were quickly comfortable with his full control over the bike, however, and actually had to admit that you were enjoying the fast-paced way of getting around the city.

"We can go faster than this," you bellowed over the sound of the motor a couple of minutes in.

Rafa didn't need telling twice and quickly sped up the bike while you squealed in the backseat, holding on tight to him again. You rode all the way down Sunset Boulevard until you reached the coast close to the Santa Monica Pier. The bike came to a halt right before the beach.

"That was amazing," you laughed completely high from the ride.

He smiled proudly to himself as he turned off the bike, "What did I tell you? I knew you'd love it!"

"I did," you said excitedly, "thanks for making me do it!”

He looked at you tenderly for a few seconds before he came to his senses, "come. We're going over here," he said and put a hand on your leather-clad back leading you to a sketchy looking hotdog stand, where he placed an order for two of the most popular kind.

"Really?" you asked him with raised eyebrows as he handed you one of the hot dogs.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it," he laughed as you sat down on a bench overlooking the dark beach, the sky a beautiful lilac colour as you had just missed the sunset, "I was hoping it might lead to the story behind your tattoo," he sent you a crooked smile.

"God you're the worst," you laughed at him, "Alright then - but I'll only tell you because that was a really smooth move. And I'm having a bite of the hotdog first."

"Let me know what you think," he looked at you excitedly.

"They're that good?" you laughed as you took in his excitement.

"Oh you're about to taste a tiny bit of heaven," Rafa smiled, "Diggs is quite the hotdog connoisseur and he recommended the place to me way back in the day. They have bratwursts shipped in from Germany."

"You have expertise in both chillies and German sausages? You're a man of the world, aren't you?" you teased him.

"Shut up and eat your hot dog," he grinned.

You took a large bite of the sausage which was definitely one of the best you'd ever had, "oh bloody hell! This is good," you practically moaned while rolling your eyes backwards in an attempt to show Rafa exactly how much you liked his choice of dinner.

"Hey, you cannot do that," he looked panicky as he desperately elbowed you in the ribs to get you to stop, "you're giving me the chubs," he shot you an awkward laugh.

"That's all it takes?" you laughed at him.

"Hey, I'm a simple man: I see a beautiful girl putting penis-shaped foods into her mouth all the while she's moaning and her eyes are rolling to the back of her head - and the rest is physiology," he smirked and bit into his own hot dog.

"I'm beginning to suspect that's the real reason why you took me here," you laughed at him.

"Hey, don't make me out to be some creep, okay?" He laughed, "I'm your innocent friend Rafa who just loves hot dogs and beautiful women - especially the two combined. Now tell me the story behind that tattoo dammit!”

"If you must know," you groaned, "I got it at Glastonbury when I had just turned eighteen. It was part of a bet."

"Really?" He looked amused, "What did you get out of it?"

"My friends paid for the tattoo and paid me a hundred quid for it - which was a fairly good amount of money back then," you laughed.

"That's what? 130 dollars or something? I sure hope you bought yourself a car with that kind of money," Rafa joked.

"I spent all of it on booze that night alone," you laughed.

"I probably would've done the same thing to be honest," he chuckled.

"So we're both smart people!"

"PhD-smart," he tapped his temple while winking at you, "speaking of; how's your project coming?"

"Good," you nodded, "although, I'm a bit behind schedule with the project I'm working on over here. The next couple of weeks are without a doubt going to be quite busy," you sighed, "I'm not going to have much free-time."

He grunted in response, probably aware of what that meant in regards to your already limited time together.

"I constantly need to remind myself why I'm here and why I'm even doing the project," you eyed him. You wanted to tell him that he had made it hard for you to concentrate on anything apart from him but ended up deciding against it.

"Yeah? What made you decide to do the project in the first place?"

"Because it's the coolest thing ever," you bumped your knee into his.

"Yeah?" He grinned at the contact, "what's your thesis about? Explain it to me as if I'm five because I don't know science for shit."

You laughed at him and told him all about what your PhD was about, explaining it as simple as you possibly could.

"Sounds complicated," he blew out some air when you were done.

"Nah. It's just like learning a new language," you shrugged, "you get the hang of it."

"How are you so nonchalant about almost finishing a PhD?" he laughed, "it's fucking difficult and you've worked hard for it. Don't play it down. Tell me how hard it is to come this far and how amazing you are at it!"

"It's hard and I'm amazing?" you said half-heartedly with a laugh.

"Oh come on. Do it with a bit more gusto. Don't go all British on me."

"Uhm... it's hard and I'm amazing," you said a bit more resolutely this time.

"Damn straight!" he said loudly, "a project like yours does not come easy to anybody. Don't take away your own victory."

"Alright, alright, I guess I did work quite hard. But I'm very privileged to even have the chance to do it."

"Yep, that's fine and whatever," he rolled his eyes at you "- Now tell me how you really feel about it."

You eyed him for a couple of seconds. Was he really able to see right through you so easily? "Okay," you sighed, "at first all the lab work was fun but now it's kind of draining and I cannot wait until I'm done so I can start something new!" you laughed, "also, right now I hate the project because it takes away my very limited time with you."

He looked at you and tried to hide a proud smile. "Look at you being all honest," he nudged you softly in the ribs and winked at you before he responded to what you'd said, "when are you handing in your thesis?"

"If all goes well, it'll be done before summer."

"And then what?" he nodded slowly.

"Ah yes! The million dollar question," you laughed, "I don't know. Maybe a post.doc?"

"You're gonna spend your whole life in academia?" he looked at you intently, "how much money do you have?"

"You get paid a fair salary when you're doing a PhD - and tuition is free in most of Europe so you can just go to another country and study if you don't have the money for it."

"WHAT?" he bellowed, "Tuition... is... free? You’re kidding! What kind of a hippie continent is that and when can I move there?"

You laughed at him, "European welfare, boom!" You said while dropping the hotdog wrapper into the trashcan next to the bench, "Europe 1 - America 0."

"You bet," he mumbled, "Ah, I probably wouldn't have lasted a day anyway. I got kicked out of high school, you know."

"You did? What'd you do?"

"That's a story for some other day," he smiled at you, "come, I have another surprise for you."

He helped you up from the bench and snaked his hand around your waist as you walked over to the bike in silence. You wanted to tell him that what he was doing felt close to violating your code of conduct but just like the other night, his hand around you made you feel safe and warm, so you let him keep it there.

You rode back up Sunset Boulevard telling yourself repeatedly that safety was the only reason for your tightly wrapped arms around his waist.

A couple of minutes later, Rafa parked the bike outside a brick building with a big sign reading 'THE ECHOPLEX presents CLIPPING.'

You could hear the music boom from inside. "Is this a concert venue?" you asked him.

"Yep," he said, "you and I have tickets for the hottest shit in L.A."

"Oh, don't tell me you're going to try and convert me into a rap-lover?" you laughed, "I haven't even listened that much to your playlist."

"I'm not going to covert you," Rafa smirked, "Diggs is."

"Oh, we're meeting up with Daveed?" you said not really sure if you were excited about seeing him or disappointed that you'd have to share Rafa with him.

"...Kind of," Rafa said mysteriously.

"I'm intrigued," you said as you handed him your helmet.

He put it on the bike and took your hand, "Come on, we're late. The show's already started."

He showed the bouncer two laminated tickets and handed you one of them afterwards, "put this around your neck."

"Backstage pass?" you arched an eyebrow as you read the inscription, "really?"

"I came to impress," he laughed, "you want something to drink?"

"A beer would be lovely," you nodded, looking at the stage where a man was rapping rapidly to weird noises and sounds. You weren't really sure that this was anything for you.

Rafa came back a short while later and handed you a local beer. "I brought you an IPA," he laughed, "I figured you'd appreciate my average white-male taste."

"I like IPAs too," you laughed, "this music on the other hand is..." your voice trailed off.

"What, you don't like it?"

"No, Rafa," you laughed and pointed towards the stage, "what the hell is this shit because it surely isn't music! Don't tell me that you actually find this good."

"You did not just say that!" he looked at you with an amused face.

"What?"

"Have you even seen who's performing?" he laughed whole-heartedly and pointed towards the stage.

The guy rapping shirtless at the front was spitting bars and hyping people up, and first then did you realise that you knew him, "Hold up! Is that Daveed?"

Rafa laughed at you, his hand coming to a rest on the small of your back as he leaned in and whispered in a teasing voice, "I'm going to tell him that you think his music's shit."

"You wouldn't dare," you leaned threateningly close and squinted your eyes at him.

"Oh, but I would - so you better behave," he said devilishly, his gaze wandering between your lips and your eyes, clearly thinking about kissing you. When you noticed, it once again took everything in you to pull back and turn towards the stage instead. Out the corner of your eye, you saw Rafa take a deep breath before turning to the stage as well with a somewhat pained expression in his eyes. He slowly found the rhythm of the music, head bopping in time with the beat while he started quietly rapping along.

-

"I can't believe he's a rapper," you laughed when the concert was over and you were heading towards the backstage area, "normally he looks so... innocent - but up there he's so... raw!" You laughed and felt the many beers that you and Rafa had shared.

"Easy girl," Rafa laughed, "don't go change me out for Diggs.”

You sent him a look that he most certainly was familiar with by now.

"I know," he chuckled, "just friends. That's what I meant," he lied, "come on, they're in here," he pushed open the door to the band's private room.

"Alright, guys!" Rafa yelled in best hype-man style as he waltzed across the room to the mini fridge in the back, walking as if the owned the room, "well done. Great show! Even my homegirl here agrees."

You waved to the three guys, "very nice show. Love the energy."

"Glad you enjoyed it," Daveed nodded, "Rafa mentioned that you don't really get rap music - did we manage to change your mind?"

"I think the show was really great," you said slowly trying to figure out a way to not hurt his feelings.

"It's not for everyone. I get it, no worries," he laughed, "Just don't tell Rafa; it would just break his heart."

"Hey - quick question," you whispered, "what do you think would rile Rafa up the most: criticising rap music in general or criticising his beloved chili sauces?"

It made Daveed chuckle, "hot sauce! For sure. Did you not hear his lecture the other day? He takes that shit very seriously and just goes on and on and on to anybody that'll listen."

"Who are you guys talking about?" Rafa emerged at your side, casually draping his arm across your shoulder as he handed you and Daveed a beer each.

"No one," you and Daveed said in unison.

"Are you plotting against me?" Rafa chuckled, "should I be concerned?"

"No," you both said at the same time looking excitedly at each other.

"Right..." Rafa pulled you just a little closer to him, clearly wanting to show his friend that he needed to know his place - subconsciously or not, you did not know.

"So... what do you guys usually do after concerts?" you asked, hoping to break the tension you felt in Rafa who was now pressed completely up against your side.

"We get high," Daveed laughed, "I was just about to ask..."

"Don't worry, I didn't take you here to get high," Rafa interrupted his best friend and sent you a smile.

"It's okay! If it's what you usually do, I don't mind."

"Are you sure?" Rafa shot you a look, "it feels like kind of a dick move on my part to meet up with a bunch of my friends and get high when we're on a date."

"I thought you were just friends," Daveed mumbled without looking up from the cone he was folding.

"He gets it," you smiled and sat down on the sofa next to Daveed.  

"Okay, sure," Rafa nodded and sat down next to you with a small laugh, "I guess I could get high too if you're definitely up for it."

"I am," you sent him a grin.

"Alright, let's do this," Rafa said and draped his arm around your shoulders.

"Oh god, I haven't done this since I was twenty," you were slightly nervous as you eyed the blunt that Daveed was now lighting up.

"So last year?" Rafa teased.

"Easy grandpa, I'm 29."

"Ah yes, so young and innocent. So easy to manipulate!" he sighed, "I remember when I was your age."

"And you're what? Four years older than me?" You arched an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, but the years between 29 and 33 are really what define you as a person," he smiled and put his arm back around your shoulder.

Daveed took a puff of the joint before handing it to you, "Here you go," he said, "It's strong so you probably don't need that much."

You inhaled slightly, resisting the urge to cough before you quickly exhaled a mouthful of smoke already feeling its effects, "oh damn," you said as you already felt yourself growing relaxed and careless. You quickly took your second puff before passing it along to Rafa who was clearly more experienced than you were. He puffed it twice as well before he passed it on to Daveed's band mate Will. You held out your fingers, ready for hit number three.

Rafa raised an eyebrow at you, "are you sure?"

"Yep," you said, your speech a little slurred but you were sure you could take it.

The third hit of the joint hit you like a truck, "oh fuck," you exhaled as you felt a wave of warmth wash over you.

"You okay?" Rafa laughed at you as he took hit number four himself. His eyes were bloodshot but apart from that, he kept it together.

"Yep," you said as you slumped on the sofa.

"You look like a slug," Rafa mimicked you, arms hanging to the side, his chin pressed tightly against his sternum.

"But a cute slug," you pouted.

"The cutest," he snickered, his hands brushing slightly against your knuckles before his fingers entangled themselves in yours.

"Mmmh," you hummed at his touch, all thoughts of what you should or shouldn't do, gone. You couldn't remember if you'd ever been this carefree and relaxed before. Especially when his thumb was caressing your hand as he sent you a cute smile.

Looking into Rafa's bloodshot eyes, you reminded yourself that you needed to keep your cool. You were both drunk and high. You shouldn't be doing this no matter how much you wanted it. So you retracted your fingers from his and sat up straight on the sofa. "I need a beer," you mumbled and walked over to the fridge in the far corner.

"Yeah, bring me one too," Daveed called, "- maybe an entire round. My main man Will is looking a little thirsty over here," he nodded towards his band member who was clearly experiencing cotton mouth.

You looked back at the men in the sofa and counted each of them; thus you picked up four beers and slowly walked back to them. Rafa was staring at you through heavy-hooded eyelids with a smug expression on his face. He was looking very very fuckable as he slid down further on the sofa, spreading his legs slightly as you neared him. You really just wanted to say fuck it all and jump him - but no, you weren't going to go down that road. You had made a promise to each other. A promise you intended to keep no matter how high you were.

You sat down a beer in front of each of the men before realising that you had forgotten one for yourself. Giggling slightly at your own high, you returned to the fridge where you bent over and picked up yet another beer.

"Are you on a mission to torture me?" Rafa's hush voice sounded from behind you, "because bending over like that twice in a span of thirty seconds is just plain mean..."

"What?" You turned around, now face to face with him.

He stepped closer, "I'm sure you're aware of the effect that you have on me. Especially when you bend over like that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you said innocently, an involuntary smile spreading slowly on your lips as you took in his pained expression.

"Fuck!" he hissed, "That - that - is exactly what I'm talking about," he stepped as close to you as he possibly could without touching you, "half the time you look so innocent and doe-eyed and then suddenly - boom - your innocence is replaced by these... mewling sex-kitten looks and fuck it's hard to keep my hands to myself when we both know what we want - Regardless of your code," he ended up sighing.

He still wasn't touching you but the way he was moving his face told you that he was fighting hard to not kiss you. And to be honest, you were fighting too.

"It's not on purpose," you said, looking up at him, "I'm not so evil that I'd dangle bait in front of you on purpose and then get angry when you bite into it."

"I don't care that you're not doing it on purpose," he grinned and licked his lips, "you're still doing it. And I really want to fuck you right now."

"Too bad you can't," you said.

"You're really strong-willed, aren't you?"

"You don't move half-across the globe for a project you've lost interest in if you're not strong-willed."

He leaned in closer, lips hovering above yours but never touching, "fuck, it's so hard not to touch you..." he groaned, "I hate being friends with you."

"I hate being friends with you," you said softly, almost giving in and closing the distance.

Your moment of weakness, however, was interrupted by Daveed who gave out a loud whistle to get your attention. "Rafa!" he bellowed, "Party's moving downtown."

Rafa grunted in response, turning his attention back to you, "do you want to go?"

"Not really," you said, gulping up at him.

"Me neither..." Rafa responded and fidgeted with the hem of your t-shirt, "do you want to come back to mine?"

"That sounds dangerous," you smiled and avoided his gaze, instead fixating on the thin golden necklace he was wearing.

"I won't try anything," he grumbled above you, "I promise - okay? We could just... watch the rest of the movie from the other night."

You looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot but soft as he watched you contemplate your answer. "Okay," you ended up whispering, already knowing that you were now doomed. You just couldn't help yourself with him. Especially not when high and with alcohol coursing through your veins.

Rafa sent you a smirk, "good girl," he whispered darkly, sending shivers down your spine. "Diggs, we're not coming."

"Right," Daveed nodded, "see you guys later. Have fun," he shot you a smirk.

Rafa quickly ordered an Uber while you pulled on your leather jacket and started walking towards the exit. Rafa was walking behind you, his gaze almost burning a hole in your jeans as you swung your hips a bit more vigorously than you normally would've done. Not to get his attention, you told yourself.

When you arrived outside, the car was already waiting for you. You both got in the backseat, and intentionally left the middle seat empty between you. No need to tempt the devil.

You hadn't driven for more than a couple of seconds, however, before you noticed that Rafa was already having a hard time sticking to his promise of not trying anything with you, "I didn't even get a chance to tell you how amazing you look tonight," he put his neck on the headrest and looked over at you.

"Thanks," you smiled at him, "you look very handsome yourself."

His hand twitched in his lap as if he had decided to reach out and touch you had but reconsidered at the last possible moment. With a sigh, he turned his head and looked out the window instead, completely silent for the rest of the journey to his place.

[ikleesfiction]

Will you follow through if I fall for you?

Fandom : One Chicago Word count : 3,762 words Disclaimer

Previously on this fic : Part 1 🞂 Part 2 🞂 Part 3 🞂 Part 4 🞂 Part 5 🞂 Part 6 🞂 Part 7 🞂 Part 8 🞂 Part 9

Part 10

It's been almost 6 months since you left Chicago. You spent those months working yourself to the bones as a way to forget Jay. It certainly was not a successful attempt, but at least you were too busy to think about him. You accepted Alex's idea to make a duo project and lazily named it "alex&y/n". You both started doing gigs at various clubs around the world. Pyramid, Alex's record company where you work for, continuously releases new sounds that you discovered. You keep writing and producing songs after songs. Really, your career is flourished. But deep inside, you're empty.

You never had a chance to go back to Chicago. Part of you was relieved that you don't have to deal with it yet. The other part of you was missing it so much. You might only stay four months in Chicago, but somehow the city (and its people) have marked their place in your heart.

You love Amsterdam. It's still your home, but its charm hasn't called you as it did before. Sure, you have your parents here. But you only got to meet them twice a week at best. Your work and their jobs don't leave lots of time to be together. Also, even though you have most of your friends in the city, you don't get to hang out with them all the time since you travel a lot for work. You get to make new friends along the way instead, just like you did in Chicago.

Case in point, you are currently in Norway, working on a song with Oliver Dahl, the number #1 DJ in the country.

Oliver's home studio is one of the best places you ever work in. The studio setup is practically the same as the one Pyramid has. But Oliver has a baby grand piano on one corner where through the window, you can see a tranquil lake with a green forest on its side. The view is calming and inspiring. So although Oliver is a much better pianist than you, you park yourself there and relegate him to a Korg keyboard.

"Hey, it's almost dinner time. Let's take a break," Oliver suggests to you. He guides you out from the studio and moves downstairs to his kitchen. The glass-paneled dining room has a door that leads to the back porch. You thought the view from the studio was great, but the view from down here is even better. You sit on a swing at the porch, take a deep breath of fresh air there.

Oliver comes out with two bottles of beer and hands you one, which you gladly accept. You switch your phone back on since you didn't want to be disturbed when you were working. It relentlessly buzzes once it's on. "Well, somebody is famous," teases Oliver.

You peek at your phone screen before grimacing at him, "Sorry. Nick needs something. I gotta call him back." You walk a few steps away from the porch. Without the roof over your head, you can feel slight drops of rain on your face. "Hey, boss. How's the meeting in Brussels go?"

"Infuriatingly slow. That is why I'm calling. I was hoping you can help us," Nick replies. He didn't sound too worried, so you thought it's going to be an easy request, "Sure. What is it?"

"Alex was supposed to have a phone interview with one of Chicago radio show, to talk about the new single of alex&y/n. Since our meeting here runs longer, could you do it in his stead? I know you don't like doing an unprepared interview, but I promise it won't be long, 15 minutes max."

"Alright, I'll do that." It's not like you can say no anyway.

"Great! I'll set it up. It's going to be in an hour. So don't mute your phone." Nick reminds you.

"I won't. It probably falls during our dinner here. I can keep my phone on."

"Thanks, y/n," Nick hangs up the call.

◢◤

Joe Cruz walks into the common-room of Firehouse 51 with his phone on hand. "Guys, Chicago Top 40 is interviewing Y/N right now!"

"Turn the volume up. I cannot hear it from here," Mouch complains from the couch as he mutes the tv. Joe pushes the side button of his phone and sets the volume to the max. Everyone continues doing their things quietly as they listen to the interview.

"We got one half of alex&y/n on the phone with us here. Dare I say the prettier half. Let's say hi to Y/N!" They hear the radio host cheers from Joe's phone.

"Hi, how are you doing?" you chuckle and greet back.

"We're all good here, thank you. So please tell us more about the latest single of alex&y/n? How did you guys come up with it?"

"We started writing this song probably about 8 months ago. I was in Chicago at the time actually," you start to explain.

"Oh, really? I didn't know you were in town," the host shortly interrupts.

"Yeah, it was back before we had any idea for this project. Alex came up with it when we made this song. It was supposed to be the first single of alex&y/n. But when I came back to Amsterdam, we wrote "Void" The team decided that it fitted better as the first single. Hence this song "Fiery Love" got pushed to be the second one."

The conversation regarding the song and the duo project goes on for another ten minutes before the interviewer wraps it up. Joe is about to close the radio app when he sees Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton step into the common-room of Firehouse 51.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Y/N," says the host on air. "What time is it anyway in your place right now? I haven't got a chance to ask where you are,"

Joe's thumb stills above his phone screen. "It's almost 7 PM in Bergen, Norway," you inform the radio. Jay stiffens as he hears your voice.

"Oh, you got a gig there tonight?" the host asks curiously.

"No. Just a bit writing and studio session," you answer vaguely.

"It must've been in a studio with a view, unlike our four wall booth here," the host retorts.

You snicker quietly, "If I could, I'd trade you in a heartbeat,"

"Oh, stop it! You're too kind," the host says, thinking you're jesting.

You let out a tiny laugh, "But no, I'm serious. I wish I didn't leave Chicago," you admit candidly on air. Totally unbeknownst to the strained atmosphere in the Firehouse 51 common-room.

"Come visit soon. We'll show you our fancy dig here," the radio host returns jokingly. Joe finally decides to close the radio app, as Matt Casey addresses their guests. "Detectives, how can we help you?"

Jay looks at his partner, neglecting the fact that everyone in the room is watching him, "Can you handle this by yourself? I.. I think I left my phone in the car," Hailey is sure that Jay didn't leave his phone, but she gives him an understanding nod.

"We need to see Chief Boden," Hailey answers Matt. He then guides her to the Chief's office. When both detectives are out of range, Hermann asks the room, "It was a bit awkward, wasn't it?" Everyone ignores Hermann's comment and back doing things they did before. Kelly Severide determinedly stands up from his seat and goes outside. He finds Jay standing in front of the squad truck.

"Hey, man," Kelly greets him. Jay just nods to acknowledge him. After a few moments of silence, Kelly breaks first, "She always asks about you whenever she calls."

Jay scoffs his disbelief, "Yeah, right."

"She is not a brave girl, Jay. But she really loves you. She still regrets hurting you." Kelly tells him. Jay stays silent, taking in Kelly's words. "I don't think she's doing well out there." Kelly continues. Jay glances at him before opening his mouth to say something. But at the same time, Hailey comes out with Matt. "Let's go," she tells Jay. He nods at Matt and leaves with her without saying anything.

As both detectives walk away, Kelly shouts to Jay, "Will you pick up? If she calls you?"

Jay halts and looks over his shoulder. Not sure what to answer, he just shrugs in response.

◢◤

The following week, you find yourself working alone in Alex's studio. You go through some demos, try to find a song that you'd like to work on. The door is suddenly opened and reveals Alex and Nick coming in.

"You planning on going home tonight?" Alex says as he hands you a mug of hot tea. It's not unusual for you to stay all night working. While it was beneficial for the company, your well being is still his priority.

"Maybe," you just shrug as you accept the mug. "Thanks. So what's up?"

"I got an offer for alex&y/n gig for an EDM festival," Nick starts. "What do you think about it?"

"Cool, I guess.." you answer indifferently.

"Yeah?" Alex tries to reconfirm your agreement. You never play a festival before, so far alex&y/n only do club gigs. Even though you're basically doing the same thing, the stage and crowd size sometimes could be overwhelming, especially for someone who doesn't like to perform live.

"Uhuh," you nod before sipping your tea.

"Don't you wanna know where it will be?" Nick pushes.

"No," you say in disinterest, already looking back at your laptop. Nick raises his eyebrow questioningly towards Alex, which he answers with a subtle nod. "Alright then, I'm gonna go home now. You two get some rest. We'll talk again tomorrow," Nick informs you before leaving the room.

Alex drags a chair and sits next to you. "Talk to me. Please"

"There's nothing to talk about," you reply to your cup. Alex nudges you. Once. Twice. Thrice. "Stop it!" you scold him as you roll your chair away.

"You know I can do this all night until you talk to me," Alex says as he slides closer to you.

You exhale loudly in defeat before quietly tell him, "It's just... I'm exhausted."

Somehow he knows that you're not only talking about your body. "I'll talk to Nick. We can cancel the rest of alex&y/n gigs,"

"You know we can't," you rebuff his idea.

"We might be able to do that if I offer to take them instead?" Alex offers a solution.

"And let you be the one who burnout? Hell no," you deny his suggestion. You tiredly rub your face with your palm, "It's alright, Lex. I should have just suck it up and do it,"

Both of you stay silent for a moment. You pick your tea mug from the table when Alex unsurely speaks again, "That gig Nick talked about is in Chicago," You freeze up until Alex prods you, "Still wanna do it?"

"What do you think?" you weakly ask for his opinion.

"I think we should do it. It'd be fun. We can try to arrange a few days off. You can take me to your favorite places in Chicago, meet your friends.." Alex tells you. It sounds nice, makes you want to say yes. But you still have doubt in the back of your mind. "It's been months, y/n. Time for you to face it. Face Jay." Alex continues as if he knows your thought.

"I can't!" you shake your head in resign. "And why is that?" Alex pushes further.

"Because I still love him!" you forcefully drop your mug on the table, the tea splashes out of it.

"Then tell that to Jay! Don't make the same mistake as you did before!" Alex yells back at you. You instantly feel like you've been slapped.

Avoiding Alex's stare, you start to pack up your things from the table. "I think I need to go home now. Don't think I can work on anything tonight." You grab your jacket and hastily walked out of the studio.

A couple hours later, Alex comes by to your place with a canvas bag on his shoulder, "I got a box of chocolate and a six-pack of La Trappe Tripel here,"

"I don't think they can help me feel better this time," you quip as you open the door for him. Alex pulls the beers and chocolate out from the bag and puts them on the coffee table in front of the couch. He reaches again to the bag, "Don't worry, I come prepared. Got jenever in here too," He sets the bottle next to the chocolate. You go to the kitchen and bring out two clean glasses.

"Are we starting right away?" Alex asks you in confusion.

"Are you waiting for something else?" you start to open one of the beer bottles.

"Don't you want to eat dinner first? Or maybe have bitterballen to snack on?" Alex suggests to you. You open the chocolate box and pop one candy into your mouth. "There, I ate something," you declare sarcastically before sipping the beer in your hand.

"Okay then," Alex accepts his defeat. He goes to your kitchen and sees what you have on your fridge. "You don't mind if I finish this leftover stew, right?" he hollers at you as he puts the container in the microwave.

You snort your answer, "Go ahead. It's not like you need permission to raid my pantry anyway,"

Alex comes back with a bowl of stew and sits next to you on the couch. You fiddle with your phone for a bit before a ballad song playing on your home speaker. Alex starts to talk about various things as he eats, updating you about his sister Sara, his meeting in Belgium. He even lets you know what he had for lunch today. He keeps talking because he knows you're not gonna say anything.

Alex cracks open his second beer while you finish your third one and start to pour the gin into your glass. "I'll Be Over You" by Toto is playing on your speaker. Alex exasperatedly rolls his eyes, thinking that his best friend could really be dramatic sometimes. You sprawl on the couch with your feet on top of Alex's lap. "What if he's moved on?" you say after long contemplation, ready to tackle more serious conversation. "Ready" as in drunk enough to talk about it.

"Well, you face that with head held high and moved on too," Alex replies. "Easier said than done, I know."

"Big chance he doesn't want to see me anyway," you mutter to yourself. But Alex still answers you, "Maybe. Maybe not. You'll never know without going there,"

◢◤

It's been 7 months since you left Chicago and Jay Halstead still kept your last voicemail on his phone. Even when he's so mad at you, Jay never had the heart to delete it. Because somewhere deep inside, he could hear your sincerity. Jay is desperate to believe that you honestly love him and care about him.

Before Severide approached him the other day, nobody ever talked to Jay about his ex-girlfriend. Jay never apologized for pushing Adam. His friends guessed that his relationship ended, but no one ever said anything about it. His brother always abruptly changed the radio whenever your song was played on-air, acting all annoyed. But he knows Will is secretly still a fan of your music, just not in front of Jay. He thinks they're all worried that talking about you would raise his temper. But the truth is Jay misses you.

After his anger passed by, Jay could understand your position. You were left alone, befriending strangers in some city that far from home. While Jay understood that you missed home, he's still disappointed over the fact that you didn't tell him sooner. But it already happened, you made your choice. Now Jay is left with a bruised heart and silently pined over his ex.

Jay is lost in his thoughts. He jolts in surprise when he feels something cold and wet on his cheek. Jay looks up to find Will, who hands him a glass of beer. "How is the game going? Anything interesting happens when I'm gone?" Will asks Jay as he sits and looks down to the ice rink. They are at the United Center arena, watching a Blackhawks game.

"Nah, you don't miss much," Jay tells his brother. "Thanks for taking me here, man."

"It's nothing. I want to do something for your birthday, but since I have to work double shifts tomorrow, we just have to celebrate early." Will raises his glass for a toast. The brothers shout wildly during the game, chant together with other spectators in the stadium, basically having a good time. When the game is on a break, Will and Jay trade a light banter between each other. The jumbotron above plays adverts that they ignore.

"This summer, coming back to the Soldier Field Arena. We proudly present, Spring Awakening Music Festival! Featuring..."

When they hear the ad's narrator mentions "alex&y/n" Jay spontaneously looks up at the jumbotron. There was a picture of you and Alex, standing back to back, staring hard through the camera. Even with the cold gaze and unsmiling face, Jay still thought you look good. The announcement was certainly a surprise. Jay remembered when you told him that you don't like to perform in front of crowds. Now here you are, headlining a big stage. Time's changed, he thinks to himself.

Jay keeps looking at the gigantic screen, even though now it's showing another ad. If anyone asks him, Jay cannot tell what this new ad is about. His mind is busy thinking about something/someone else. Will glances at his brother and notices the tightness of Jay's shoulders. "I won't come to see them, even if they give me free tickets," he remarks wittily. Jay burst out a laugh and elbow his brother, "Thanks, man." he is grateful for his brother's understanding.

◢◤

Jay wakes up late the next morning. He spent the night listening to your podcasts and fell asleep with your voice on his ears. Seeing you on the jumbotron made him missed you more. His phone battery was drained, his alarm didn't ring. It's only because of habits from his ranger days that he woke up and gets ready in time to go to work.

Just as he walks out of his place, a delivery man is stopping him. "I got a package for Jay Halstead?"

"Yeah, that's me," Jay says distractedly, trying to recall if he orders anything online. The guy hands him a bag and a receipt form. Jay skims the paper before signing it. On the shipper box, it is stated, "Belgian Chocolatier Piron, Inc." He returns the signed form to the courier. "Thank you. Have a nice day, Sir", chirps the man. Jay pauses slightly, looking at the bag, before running to his car once remembers that he's late for work.

Once Jay arrives at the district, he puts the suspicious package on his desk. He opens the bag cautiously and pulls out a golden cardboard box with a black bow tied around it. He digs deeper into the bag but finds nothing more, no notes or cards, just this golden box.

"You got a box of Piron?! Can I have one? Please?" Jay hears Kim Burgess squeals at him.

"What the hell is a Piron?" Adam Ruzek asks loudly from behind her. Kim starts to pull the bow, but Jay moves the box away quickly. "I don't even know who it's from. We should be careful. I'll send it to the lab.."

"Is that Piron?!" Hailey Upton shrieks as she steps closer to Jay's desk.

"What? You know about this Piron too?" Adam baffles even further.

"They are like one of the best chocolatiers in town." Hailey impatiently explains to Adam. "Is it yours, Jay?" She sounds rather demanding than asking.

"Yes, it's Jay's. And he wants to bring it to the forensic lab. Unbelievable..." Kim says disapprovingly.

"I don't even know who send it! Aren't you worried if it turns out to be a bomb or a deadly virus?" Jay tries to reason to his teammates, who are now circling around him.

"What bomb?" They all jump in surprise when they hear Voight from behind them.

"Ah, it's nothing, Sarge. There are no bombs anywhere. At least not in the city of Chicago... Maybe..." Jay rambles.

"Are you gonna open that box, Halstead?" Voight cuts him off, pointing at the innocent box.

"I'm not sure, Sarge," Jay meekly admits. Voight pulls the black bow that was half undone because of Kim and opens the box gently. "Oh no, it's a bomb," Adam whispers as he hides behind Kevin Atwater but peeks over his shoulder. The girls are excitedly bouncing on their heels, seeing the rows of chocolate inside the box. Voight takes one and confidently bites into it. "You should never waste good chocolate. By the way, happy birthday, Jay." He pats Jay's shoulder before stepping toward his office. Jay gives Voight a small smile, though he still confounds about the situation.

Jay looks at the rest of the team. Hailey bites a candy on her right hand as she picks another with her left. Kim got half-bitten chocolate on her fingers. Her eyes were closed as she savors the taste. Adam's hand hovers above the box, cautiously looking at his teammates, "You girls feel okay? No dizziness, nausea, anything?" His questions were left unanswered since the girls were too busy munching.

Kevin offers Jay a handshake and continues with a quick hug, "Happy birthday, bro!" Jay clasps his shoulder, "Thanks, Kev,"

"So someone sent you this as a birthday gift, huh? Quite special, isn't it?" Kevin picks one candy from the box.

"I guess. If only I knew who sent it..." Jay wonders. He also takes one piece of chocolate and nibbles into it. The bittersweet taste suddenly reminds him of a particular someone. At the same time, his phone chirps on his desk. Jay checks his phone and finds a voice memo from an unknown, international number. He moves to a quieter place and listens to the message.

"Hi, Jay," Jay holds his breath, recognizing the voice on the other end. "It's me, y/n... I just want to wish you a happy birthday... Hope you enjoy the chocolate," He waits as you hesitate to continue. "Err... Stay safe, alright? I love you." As if just realizing what you've said, Jay hears you curse in panic, "oh shi.." and the message briskly ends.

Next on this fic : Part 11

+x Taglist +x

@shipshipshipau @itsdesiree86 @thevelvetseries @annaallicce

[pi-cat000]

MSA time travel idea (part 39)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Vivi POV, 8, 9, 10, Lewis POV, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Lance POV 18, 19, Lewis POV 2, 21 , 22, Vivi POV 2, 24, 25  Lewis POV 3,  Mystery POV , Vivi POV 3, 29, Lewis POV 4, 31, ViVi POV 4 , 33, 34, Lewis POV 5, Mystery POV 2, Lewis POV 6, Vivi POV 5

Part 40: here

...

LEWIS POV

Lewis comes to welcome the dark interludes which provide a brief reprieve from the parade of fake-Arthur-memories. The cold, empty silence is preferable to the increasingly dour scenes depicting the day-to-day struggles of fake-Arthur and fake-Vivi as they fail at dealing with fake-Lewis’s death. Not that either of them know about his death. Arthur doesn’t remember the cliff or the body snatcher, thinking fake-Lewis is alive and lost somewhere. Vivi doesn’t remember him at all. He’s been erased completely from her mind, leaving her confused and Arthur distraught.  Lewis has no idea how long he’s spent watching them struggle. The scenes come and go at varying lengths and changing levels of detail.  He must have lived through several weeks’ worth of fake-memories now. Months of Arthur’s life flit by, broken up into chunks. 

...

A conversation with Vivi, trying and failing to convince her that the other-Lewis had existed at all.

“Lewis…you know, Lewis. Please remember.”

“I’m sorry, I blanked out for a second there…what were you saying?” 

“Nothing. It’s nothing…”

“Oh shit…I was...how long was I out for this time?”

“An hour...You were gone for an hour.”

 “I’m sorry Arthur.” 

“Don’t worry about it. Was my fault…Mentioned something I shouldn’t have.”

Fights with Lance when the older man attempts to intervene and stop Arthur’s increasingly destructive behaviour.   

“This behaviour isn’t healthy.”

“What am I supposed to do!”

“Maybe, stop and actually think about this…” 

“Lewis is out there somewhere, and you want me to just give up!”

Hours spend online and in police stations trying to convince people to look for the other-Lewis. 

“Kid. You’re friend is listed as missing. We have alerts out in the neighbouring states and so far there’s been no word. Search parties, caving experts, were combing those old mine shafts for six days after you came in. There was nothing there.”

“Something happened there...something bad...if you would just...”

“The cave is just a regular cave. Those old mines are old mines. Nothing weird or spooky about them, just very easy to get lost in. There’s nothing more to be done so go home, eat a hot meal, get some sleep. If your friend shows up you’ll be one of the first to know. ” 

...

 It’s like watching a highlight real, only nothing about these memories is a highlight. He’s almost sure the fake-memories are selected and purposefully skewed towards negative experiences. Surely, even if this were real-it’s not real, it can’t be real-Arthur’s life wouldn’t be this bad without Lewis there.  

When the darkness falls away, transitioning into another memory, Lewis wants to yell out in frustration.

…

…

…

Lewis’s eyes open of their own accord and he’s looking out at the world, experiencing life from his friend’s perspective.

…

…

This memory starts with Arthur staring as a door handle, hesitating to pull it open. Lewis recognises it of course, he’s seen this door serval times, scattered in amongst the most recent lot of fake-memories. It’s the door to Vivi and Arthur’s apartment in Milton, faded green in colour and rusted around the hinges.

Arthur lets out a long breath which tranistions into a yawn, fiddling around with a set of keys with his one, good arm. Lewis tries not to worry when his friend drops the keys to the ground, hand slightly shakier than usual. Arthur probably hasn’t been sleeping properly. Not-sleeping is a running theme for this fake-memory-Arthur.

When the door does finally swing open, it is to reveal an irate Vivi. She is blocking the flat’s narrow entryway, her hands on her hips, expression creased into a scowl.

“In what universe does ‘I’ll be back early’ mean 11:30 pm?”

Arthur winces. Lewis can’t see his expression but his friend is probably grimacing. Most memories that feature both Vivi and Arthur involved an argument of some sort. Another form of torture for him no doubt. Seeing them struggle to come to terms with his disappearance was always a painful viewing experience. Lewis braces himself for some sort of emotionally charged argument, wishing he had the power to intervein. These fake-memories are some of the hardest to sit through.

“A lot of the guys in the lab work late hours.”

Vivi looks unimpressed, “And I suppose they’re all recovering from a recent amputation as well are they?”

“It’s been four months …It’s healed plenty.”

Lewis feels the echo sensation of pain as Arthur drops his bag to the floor, freeing up his remaining arm. Arthur lying to Vivi about his wellbeing is another common theme in these fake-memories. Vivi knows it too, Lewis can already see the tension in her shoulders.

“I’m fine,” Arthur tries to reassure, skirting around Vivi, avoiding eye contact. “The prototype for the new arm is almost done, we’re just waiting on the guys in programming to double-check some of the coding….”

“This new arm isn’t going to be worth much if you’re too exhausted to do anything with it.” Vivi interrupts angrily, following Arthur as he slinks past the small kitchen towards bedrooms at the back of the apartment.  

Lewis feels her grabs the back of Arthur’s shirts, pulling the other up short.

“I said I’m fin….wait.”

 Vivi drags Arthur to the narrow kitchen bench just big enough to fit two bar-chairs, ignoring his objections.

“Sit.” She orders, stopping over to the frig, pulling out a bowl and thrusting it into the microwave. The hum of the microwave makes the following quiet twice as uncomfortable. Even Lewis feels it.

Arthur clears his throat to speak and is cut off when the microwave lets off a loud ping.

Vivi all but slams the streaming bowl down in front of Arthur.

“You really don’t have to…” Arthur tries.

“Oh yeah? What did you eat for dinner?”

Silence.

“Lunch?”

“…”

“Because I only know you ate breakfast because I was there for it.”

More silence hangs between them.  

“Eat.” She instructs and glares until Arthur picks up the spoon. Lewis can feel Arthur shift in awkward discomfort as he starts eating. After living through so many of these fake-memories, Lewis is becoming an Arthur body language expert. 

“How was work?” Arthur breaks the silence, glancing at Vivi. She is sitting with her arms crossed, still upset, still annoyed. Lewis can read the worry fuelling her frustration clear as day. 

Her expression clears as she deliberately puts the issue of Arthur arriving late to one side, “Work was good. Duet is a real character but they’re nice and super knowledgeable when it comes to the occult and other supernatural stuff. They’re helping me research memory-related curses and whatnot. The first person, apart from you, who doesn’t think I’m crazy. So that’s a plus.”

“When my arm is fixed, we can hit the road and follow up on any leads you hear,” Arthur murmurs between mouthfuls and Lewis wishes he could face-palm because that is the exact wrong thing to say. Not for the first time, Lewis longs to be physically present so he can smooth over the sudden tension which spikes in the room.  “Or we could go before that…I mean…I don’t really need two arms.”

“It’s not urgent or anything,” Vivi responds with the forced cheer of someone holding back on speaking their mind. “I bleary notice that the memories are gone most days. Your arm is more important.”

 “Don’t say that,” Arthur stops eating to frown.

“Don’t say what? That I’m fine postponing the search for my memories for however long it takes you to get better?”

“That’s not…what I mean is that your memories are important.”

Vivi’s expression hardens, becoming terse, “Not more important than your health.”

Arthur tenses.

“My missing memories can wait,” She insists. “I’ve been doing fine without them. Especially now we live here and not in Tempo. I haven’t had a blackout since we moved.”

“It’s not just that…” Arthur retorts, frustrated.

“Then what.” Vivi snaps, almost yelling now, “Do you hear yourself speak?  ‘I don’t really need two arms,’…are you kidding me!  What could possibly be more important than your health.”

“You know I can’t tell you.”

Vivi lets out a long, frustrated breath, standing. “You promised, when we moved closer to the hospital labs, you promised that you’d make an effort to actually look after yourself.”

Arthur doesn’t respond as Vivi continues.  “When your arm is finished. When you look like an actual person and not a zombie. When we don’t have to have this conversation every day. Then we’ll go searching.”

The bar stool squeaks on the floor as Vivi pushes it back, “I’m going to bed. I’ve got work early tomorrow. You should sleep as well…when you’ve finished.”

A long silence stretches between his two friends, all the heat gone from the argument. Lewis can’t see Vivi anymore, Arthur’s vision is now fixed on his spoon which is resting on the lip of the bowl.

“I would tell you everything…if I could…” Arthur doesn’t look up. His voice is strained.

Vivi pauses in the doorway. “I know.” She sounds tired. Lewis’s heart aches. “That doesn’t change anything.” 

Arthur flinches.

A sigh and Vivi adds, “I better not find you awake in an hour because I’m going to set my alarm to check.”

“What?” Arthur finally looks up. “You can’t do that.”

“I can and will.”

“…but you just said you have work in the morning.”

“If you’re not gonna sleep then I’m not gonna sleep.”

“But….”

“Just the way it’s gotta be apparently,” Vivi finishes, strolling out of the room, leaving Arthur- and, through him, Lewis- to stare after her.

Arthur slumps, “God…damnit…” rubbing his eyes. There’s no anger to the word.

No matter how many times he’s seen Arthur and Vivi argue in the weeks and months following his counterpart’s death, it never got any easier.  They were both too stubborn for their own good. Arthur’s got a quiet, methodical stubbornness about him while Vivi is loud and abrasive. Mix that with emotional stress and an obvious concern for one another and the result was a whole load of tension. Lewis knows Arthur has low self-esteem and tendency to beat himself up and blame himself for stuff that definitely wasn’t his fault, but he’s never seen him this bad. It never seemed like that big a deal when both him and Vivi had been around to help.  Vivi too, he’s never see her so stressed and angry at seemingly everything.  Or maybe Lewis doesn’t know Vivi or Arthur as well as he thought he did. 

There is movement in the corner of the room and Lewis notices Mystery for the first time. The not-a-dog had been lying in the corner.

“What.”

Mystery just cocks his head to the side.

“I know you can understand me,” Arthur mutters, shifting with discomfort. Mystery doesn’t speak or do much of anything, trotting out of the room after Vivi. Not too surprising. Another trend in these illusions was that Mystery tended to just sit and watch.

Sometimes, Lewis wonders if he just imagined the whole ‘giant fox’ thing. His memories for the car park confrontation are fuzzy, he’d been in a lot of pain at the time and probably suffering a bit of blood loss. He’s lived through so many of these memories that the real would seams so far away. Then he remembers those shinning teeth biting into him, and very real physical pain. That was real. 

The real world was still out there. 

None of these memories were real. He had almost forgotten. 

“I’m not crazy,” Arthur murmurs, eyeing the dog uneasily before turning back to finish what’s left in his bowl. Lewis can’t read Arthur’s thoughts, but he suspects that his friend might be having similar doubts about Mystery’s true identity as well.

“I’ll find you, Lewis…”

For a second, Lewis thinks Arthur is addressing him directly before remembering that that’s impossible. This fake-memory-Arthur is addressing the ghost of a best friend he doesn’t know is dead. Lewis is only a passenger, watching life through Arthur’s eyes, invisible and stranded.

“I’ll find you …no matter what it takes. I’ll find you. And everything will go back to normal…”

…

…

…

The memory fades, darkening and Lewis is once again back in the dark.

...

...

...

“DAMNIT!”

He slams both fists into the ground, watching the darkness ripple under the impact. His yell doesn’t echo, swallowed by the nothing.

“Damnit…DAMNIT…DAMN IT ALL!”

Feelings of frustration and anger smother his hurt and sorrow. He growls, smashing his fist into the ground again. If this were the real world, he’d have to worry about bruising his knuckles or breaking his fingers. The void offers little in the way of resistance. 

“I GET IT, ALL RIGHT! They’re miserable…they’re struggling…I get the point!”

Nothing responds to his shouting. He’s alone. He shouts again, screaming into the void. He’s stopped questioning the motive behind what he was seeing long ago. They were illusions masquerading as his friend’s memories. Designed to hurt him as much as you can hurt a person without touching them.

“Just stop already!” He rages. Nothing responds.

 Fury, white-hot, is better than the creeping sadness threatening to drown him. Sure, being angry about things had never worked well for him in the past. He’d been a very angry child and it was only thanks to his adopted patents and then Vivi and Arthur that he’d put the unpleasant emotion behind him.

None of that mattered here. Here, in the dark, the anger is his only defence against the green bastard’s torture.

Lewis regrets not punching the asshole when he had the chance. He wishes he’d done a lot of things differently. Lewis continues yelling right up until the dark once again fades into another memory.

..

NOTE: Resurrecting this fic in anticipation for a possible new video maybe? One can only dream. Sorry if it reads slightly different, i’m a bit rusty.  

Part 40: here

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 9a

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover (If you can’t find it here)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7a | 7b | 8 | 9b

I really enjoy everyone’s feedback. It makes my day to know you all are enjoying this story so far. There is still a lot planned for the future. I said this is slow-burn, it is don’t worry. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Chapter 9: Packing Up

Summary: “Your theory about possibly being matched with aliens? Well, he isn’t exactly an alien, he is a part of the First Order. When they found out who I was matched to I was immediately escorted here.”

_______________________________________________________________________

You were alone for a moment, you swore you could almost hear Kylo talking to the general on the other side of the door. He sounded harsh. You hear his footsteps walk further down the hall.

The door opens and the general walks in with the tree junior officers trailing him. He stepped back and let the junior officers quickly clean up your and Kylo’s lunch. “The Supreme Leader has made me in charge of your safety. He also said I am to take you where ever you would like to go.”

You nodded. Just now you realized you never messaged Hayden or Carter that you had been escorted, in fact, you had yet to check your phone.

You pulled it out of your back pocket and saw that you had 30 messages from Carter and Hayden and 15 missed calls. They were all asking where you were, if something happened, if you were all right and if you were being interrogated.

You decided to call Carter. “Excuse me, General, I need to make a phone call.”

He nodded and stepped out of the room leaving you alone. You dialed Carter’s phone number, it rang twice before they picked up.

“Oh my god Y/N! Are you all alright? We have been trying to get a hold of you for hours now,” their voice was laced heavily with concern.

“I know. I’m alright, everything is fine. Actually, it’s better than fine, but I don’t know if this is how I want to explain it. I’m safe, I’m in Washington D.C.”

“Wait I’ll put you on speaker. You will explain everything,” you heard Carter switch the phone to speaker. And heard Hayden clear his throat.

“Hayden, you were right,” you said with a light chuckle.

“Sweet! Wait right about what,” he asked not remembering.

“Your theory about possibly being matched with aliens? Well, he isn’t exactly an alien, he is a part of the First Order. When they found out who I was matched to I was immediately escorted here,” you paused second guessing if you should reveal who Kylo is. “He is a high ranking officer, so it looks like I’ll be joining them.”

“Wow, Y/N we are so happy for you. I’m guessing you’ll probably leave when they do. Are you coming home tonight?” Asked Carter.

“He said I’ll be joining him on the ship tonight and that I will be able to come back down tomorrow,” You glanced at your watch. 3:30 PM, the suttle ride itself only took an hour and a half to get you from Toronto to D.C. You should have enough time to go back grab some things and be back in time for the nightly public First Order address. “I know you guys have more questions but I have to go.”

“Bye, be safe my dude,” said Hayden.

“You know we love you and want you to be happy, just call us when you can,” said Carter.

“I know and I love you guys too,” and with that, you said your goodbyes and you ended the call.

Unsure of what to do you walked over to the door opened it and stuck your head out. You could see the general down the hallway talking to some other First Order officers and people whom you assumed to be White House staff. You called to him, “General?”

He turned and started walking towards you. You now exited the room. “Yes,” he asked.

“Your orders were to take me anywhere that I would like to go, correct,” you asked.

“Correct, I am assuming you have made a choice,” he responded.

“I was wondering if I could take a shuttle back to Toronto to gather some of my things? I’m hoping to return before the nightly public address.”

“That can be arranged,” with that he looked over his shoulder to one of the junior officers who left immediately to make the arrangement. “Of course because I have been tasked personally with your safety I will have to escort you.” And with that, the junior was back and informed the general that there was a shuttle ready. He nodded and they excused themselves. He gestured for you to once again follow him and you were off to the shuttle.

You exited the White House and were once again aboard the shuttle, “This is a Xi-class light shuttle. It is mostly used for ferrying on planet surfaces and transporting freight. Not, that I expect that you will remember this right now, but if you are to be Supreme Leader’s consort then you will be expected to know these things.”

You looked at the general slightly shocked. This wasn’t something you had thought deeply about. You were now about to literally give up your whole, albeit boring, life for a man who was in charge of a military regime. You didn’t want to be in the spotlight. You just wanted to be loved and to love.

Both of you buckled in facing each other, “Would you like me to prepare some education videos for you? You have much more to learn than the average First Order planet citizen,” he said while working on a datapad.

You just nodded your head and he handed one to you, “This video is outdated but contains lots of good information and background knowledge for you,” responded the general.

He pulled up a video titled “First Order” by The Templin Institute. This one was much shorter and was just under ten minutes. This video gave you an idea as to who the man Kylo killed in order to receive the Supreme Leader position. It also gave you more information as to how the First Order came to be. When you glanced up after finishing the video the general used his datapad to send you another.

This time it was a speech given by the general himself from Starkiller base, “The First Order: Last day fo the Republic.” The video was intimidatingly impressive, it was similar to the speech he gave yesterday, but this time it caused the destruction of an entire star system, the New Republic’s capital.

“What did you think,” he asks as you can see the smug look on his face.

“It was intimidatingly impressive. An entire system gone in a matter of minutes.”

He was pleased with your answer as he sent you a news release from the First Order. “The Voice of the First Order: Issue 23.” Ironically the first one being about propaganda, avoiding Resistance and the New Republic propaganda and where a First Order citizen my uncover the truth.

Lastly, he sent you a bunch of articles talking about the different transport ships that were standard issue within the First Order.

The pilot spoke to the general informing him of the arrival back at the registration station. You handed the general back the data pad. You both unbuckled and stood to exit the shuttle.

“General, if you don’t mind I need to take my car back to my apartment to get my things,” you said to him.

“Yes, one of the ancient wheeled vehicles. I suppose we will have to return it. How many passengers can you fit,” he asked almost disgusted by the idea of having to ride in a car.

“Not including the driver I can technically seat 4, but only three comfortably as it is a sedan,” you replied.

“This will probably be the only time you will be allowed to drive one of those death machines again, but we will take three troopers with us for protection,” he said. And the thought of never driving again made you sad and curious as to see what freedoms you would be allowed. The general ordered three troopers to escort you two your car. “We will have the shuttle pick us up from your apartment to make things easier upon departure.”

With that, you got into your car. The general still seemed to be disgusted with it, even though it was clean. The three troopers struggled to sit in the back as they were too large for the seat. Once everyone was settled and buckled you were on your way to your apartment. It was not a long drive and for once all of the lights were green when you got to them.

Parking in your ramp you all got out of your car and approached your building's elevator. The troopers were making sweeps of the area and the general followed confidently behind them and all of them behind you. The elevator ride is awkward, even more so than the car ride. You reach your floor and you unlock your do, but be for you enter one of the stormtroopers moves you out of the way. They enter and sweep your tiny apartment.

You moved to follow them in as did the general. “I thought the people of your planet were supposed to have large dwellings,” he said commenting on your small apartment.

This made you a bit ticked off, and the fact that they were all wearing shoes inside and tracking dirt in. “Why would I need a larger apartment when I live alone?”

The general just hummed in response. You went to your closet and gathered your duffle bag and your backpack. You began packing all of your clothes and your toiletries knowing this could be one of the last times you would be back at your apartment. Packing didn’t take very long. You grabbed your work tote and filled it with your laptop, planner, notebooks, and chargers. You also grabbed your favorite coffee to-go cup and water bottle. It only took about 15 minutes to pack everything. “Is there anything I can get you? I have water, tea, coffee, and various fruit and snacks.”

The general shook his head in response and the troopers gave no sign of acknowledgment. And with that, your life was packed and ready to be moved again.

“This is everything I need, we should be able to go now.”

The general nodded to the troopers and you made your way down to the main entrance of your apartment building. Once again you boarded the shuttle.

[iwritesickfic]

not if it’s you

Bo knew that calling out sick for a day would mean he’d see Dell at some point after he was done with whatever he had to do. Part of him is hoping that Dell doesn’t know why he has the day off, but Dell isn’t an idiot. 

Part of Bo’s reasoning is that even though he probably could work, he really shouldn’t. He’s told Dell enough times to not wait until it’s so awful he can’t get out of bed to get some rest, so he’s partially taking his own advice. That said, he feels pretty terrible. Whatever this virus is, it’s absolutely vicious. His sinuses feel like they’re full of concrete, his nose won’t stop streaming and most aggravatingly, he’s sneezing. Maybe for some people sneezing is the least of their worries, but with the aching in his swollen sinuses it makes it feel like someone’s driving a stake between his eyes. 

The final reason is that Bo never really gets sick, and if he does it’s always mild, so he can’t imagine how Dell, who’s genuinely miserable with what others would call a cold, could handle this. The chances are pretty good he’s going to catch it even with Bo taking a day off, but it’s worth a try. Which is why he’s hoping Dell won’t show up at his door tonight, even though he knows it’s inevitable. 

And just as he expected, at 8 PM there’s a knock on the door. Bo takes a deep breath and spends a moment in front of the mirror trying to look less shitty than he feels before opening the door. 

“Hi,” he says, and Dell smiles. Even feeling like this it makes Bo’s heart melt. 

“Hi. You’re sick,” he says, and it’s not really a question but Bo nods. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” All he wants is to be held right now, to be taken care of and looked after and loved but it’s selfish to ask those things of Dell, even if he’s offering them.

“I’ll be fine,” he says, and Bo sighs. His head is really starting to ache from being upright. Dell starts to lean in, and Bo has to put a hand on his chest.

“I really don’t want you to catch this.” Dell tucks a bit of hair behind his ear, and Bo can feel his fingertips brush his temple.

“C’mon, you’re breaking my heart.” His voice is so hard to resist, he’s too damn charming. “Probably caught it already anyway.”

“Well you’re definitely going to if you come in.” A few sneezes catch him off gaurd, and though he’s able to catch them in his sleeve, his head throbs and it’s so bad he’s swaying on his feet. Then, he feels steady arms pull him close, his aching head against Dell’s chest. It feels incredible, being held, and he lets out a shaky breath.

They stay like that for a while in silence, one of Dell’s hands rubbing his back.

“You’re running a fever,” he finally says, and Bo hums in response. There’s another long pause before he speaks again. “Listen, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll go, but you have to take tomorrow off and you have to text me, ok?” Bo breathes a sigh of relief and nods against Dell’s chest. “Alright. One more thing.”

They pull apart, and immediately Bo is disappointed, the steady comfort is gone as quick as it came.

“What?” He asks, and without warning, Dell presses a lingering kiss to his forehead. Clever of him not to ask first, as Bo definitely would’ve said no, but it feels so nice he doesn’t complain.

“I’ll see you the day after tomorrow,” he says, and Bo nods, forcing a little smile. “Good.” He smirks. “Now go get some sleep you look like hell.”

--

Two days later the illness is almost completely gone, the only remnant the odd sniffle here or there and the soreness of his nose from being rubbed raw with tissues. 

He’s glad they’ll be working - it takes care of the whole no-kissing thing without Bo having to actively decline, which is good because he’s pretty sure he’d give in just seeing his smile.

He’s hyper focused on Dell throughout the day, and luckily it seems like he’s feeling fine. He has small tells that Bo’s learned to recognize, but nothing seems off. Usually after work they’d have dinner, but Bo decides it’s best if he doesn’t risk it.

But, the next morning, he sees Dell and his heart immediately sinks. He definitely hasn’t slept well, and he’s touching his septum with his knuckle which nine times out of ten means he’s coming down with something.

“We should take the day off,” he says, and Dell sighs.

“I’m fine. Really.” Bo bites his lip. “Promise. If I feel bad I’ll let you know.” Bo must still look skeptical because Dell puts a hand on his shoulder. “Trust me, I’d love to take a break every time I feel like shit but I have responsibilities. The world’s not gonna stop for me.”

Bo wants to argue but he knows Dell’s right, at least partially. Now of all times it’d be hardest to get a break. He’s still in the process of transitioning into his new role which originally was supposed to be king, but is now just taking over all of the policy his mother doesn’t want to handle. The royal titles are mostly symbolic, but their family still wields considerable political power.

While there’s always tension between Dell and his mother, lately it’s been more pronounced than ever. Things are moving fast and he can’t afford to stumble.

 “Promise you’ll tell me if you need to slow down.” Dell smiles.

“I promise. You’re really cute when you’re worried.” That manages to draw out a laugh, and Dell seems pleased.

The rest of the day goes smoothly, but Bo can tell he’s feeling worse and worse. By the end of the day, Bo’s already trying to see how possible it’d be to cancel their day tomorrow. Better to get a jump on the inevitable.

He’s relieved when they’ve finally reached the end of the day, but almost immediately there’s a new problem.

“Why wasn’t it on the agenda?” Bo asks, and Dell sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose like he does when he has a headache.

“It’s a family thing, I thought you knew about it. It’s not a big deal, it’s just a dinner.” It’s not just a dinner, Bo knows that. They’ll be entertaining some group of politicians for most of the night, then he’ll have to spend at least a few hours with his family and Emilia. But there’s really nothing to be done. Family commitments are non-negotiable. “I feel ok, really. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, ok?”

Bo takes a deep breath and nods.

“Tomorrow morning.”

The minute he doesn’t see Dell at 6:30 the next morning in the front driveway, waiting for the car, he knows something is definitely wrong. Dell’s never late. Ever. Still, he waits 15 minutes. When he doesn’t show by 6:45, Bo makes his way upstairs and through the maze of hallways to Dell’s apartment. 

He knocks once, twice, three times, all to no response. Finally, he just opens the door. The room is dark, and for a moment Bo thinks maybe he’s not here, when he hears a few muffled sneezes.

He flips on the lights, walking over to the bed where he now sees a lump underneath the comforter.

“Hey,” he says, trying to keep his voice low. If he caught what Bo had he’s probably got a pretty bad headache. When he gets close enough he finally sees Dell curled up under the heavy blanket all the way up to his nose, eyes red rimmed and unfocused. Carefully, Bo sits on the edge of the bed, and Dell lets out a soft little moan. He tries to be gentle, but even pressing his palm to his forehead draws out another half-moan half-whimper.

He’s incredibly warm, but that’s not really a surprise.

“Fuck, did I sleep in?” he mumbles, voice thick with congestion.

“No, you’re fine,” Bo says, not wanting to make him feel any worse. Normally Dell’s sharp enough to tell when Bo’s bullshitting, but now he just accepts the information without complaint. He just lays still while Bo runs his fingers through his hair. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Head fuckin hurts. A lot.” Bo can tell. Dell doesn’t offer anything more, so Bo lets his thumb run back and forth against his hot temple.

“Migraine?” he prompts, and Dell makes a small sound from the back of his throat. “That’s a yes?”

“I don’t know, Bo. I just feel awful.” His voice sounds unsteady, like he might cry, which ratchets Bo’s anxiety up a notch. That and the fact he’s actually admitting to feeling terrible. Usually statements like that are followed by “but i’m alright,” or “but it’s not so bad.” He starts to sit up, and his face immediately goes pale. Bo guides him the rest of the way so he’s upright, but lets him rest his weight against his chest. His head is tucked into the crook of Bo’s neck. His breathing is strained.

“Hey, it’s alright, just relax, ok?” Dell shakes his head, and Bo sighs. “What’s wrong with that?”

“I have to get up.”

“I promise you don’t.”

“I’ll take an ibuprofen, it’ll be fine.” He’s shaking, but Bo’s not sure if it’s from exhaustion or the fever. 

“Hate to rain on the parade but you can barely sit up. I’m not just telling you to stay in bed, I -”

“Yes you are,” Dell argues back weakly. Bo almost wants to let it happen. For Dell to get up and pass out  just so he’ll understand what’s going on. 

“It’s not an opinion, i swear, i’m being objective here. You’re just too sick.” Dell lets out a small huff and tries to sit up straight. He manages, and somehow gets his legs over the edge of the bed. Bo sighs.

And of course, just as he anticipated, the minute Dell tries to stand on his own his knees go weak. Luckily Bo’s able to catch him and get him stable again pretty quickly, but the damage is done. The shaking is even worse now, and with every exhale there’s a little pained sound. 

“Fuck,” he finally says, and Bo presses a kiss to his temple.

“Just relax, ok?” He says, and Dell nods. Just as he’s pulling away, he lets out a harsh sneeze, followed by what can only be described as a moan. Two more come soon after, and it’s abundantly clear they’re worsening the pain in his head. He sniffles, which draws out another soft moan.

Bo pulls far enough away so his hands rest on Dell’s flushed cheeks, and experimentally, he presses his thumb into the space under his eye and to the side of his nose. Immediately he lets out a choked sob, and Bo frowns. His sinuses are so swollen Bo can tell from that one touch alone he’s got a sinus infection, and a bad one at that. It’s no wonder his headache is so awful. He remembers his own bout with this and how terribly his own head ached. He can’t imagine how Dell must feel. 

“I am so sorry,” he whispers, and Dell shakes his head.

“It’s not your fault,” he says, and Bo sighs. “M’gonna lay back down, ok?” he mumbles, and Bo nods.

“Yeah, definitely. I’m gonna grab some stuff, I’ll be right back.” He nods, and Bo gets up. In the bathroom cabinet he finds a few things that might help, but he’s not totally sure. He has the thermometer, obviously, and at first he considers something cold to help the fever but decides something warm is probably better to help the ache. He remembers an old trick he used to use in university when he ran track, a quick way to make a hot compress.

He brings the supplies he’s got so far back to the bedside table and slips the thermometer under his tongue, before going to the closet and grabbing a sock. It takes him a minute to find the right drawer, but when he does he heads into the kitchen. It takes another minute to find the rice, but when he does he fills the sock about halfway and ties the end, then sticks it in the microwave. It’s sort of strange, but if it works it works. 

When he finally gets back to Dell, the thermometer’s long done. 102.4. Bad, but not catastrophic. Yet. He takes the hot pack and lays it over Dell’s closed eyes, and he lets out a little gasp.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, panicked for a moment.

“No. Feels good,” he mumbles, and Bo is about to reply when his phone starts to ring. Loudly. Dell’s expression tightens, and Bo fumbles to answer the call. He gets up, walking over to the couch.

“Hello?”

“Bo, shit, what’s going on?” It’s one of the family’s other assistants, Marina.

“Dell’s sick. I was just about to call.”

“So when will he be ready?” Bo braces himself.

“He can’t get out of bed.”

“When did you become a doctor?!” She snaps.

“Mari, I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too!”

“He almost passed out trying to stand up, there’s no way he’s going anywhere. Even doped up on whatever, it’s not happening.” There’s a long silence.

“Well...” she trails off. “Shit. You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Alright.” She sighs. “I’ll clear everything today and tomorrow, and I’ll put in a med assist request. You better not be exaggerating. This totally fucks the entire week.”

“Why would I -”

“Because he has you wrapped around his finger, Bo.”

“I’m not gonna talk about this with you. Just text me about the med assist and let me know if I need to make any calls.”

“Alright. Talk later.”

“Thanks.” When he hangs up he lets out a heavy sigh, and Dell’s weak fever slurred voice pipes up from the bed.

“Who was it?” 

Bo shoves his phone in his pocket and heads back over to where he was sitting on the edge of the mattress.

“Just Mari.” 

“Why? You said we’re not late.” Bo goes back to playing with his hair, hoping the touch is comforting.

“Everything’s cancelled.” Dell still looks confused.

“Why?” Bo considers his options. He could just tell him the truth - it’s because he’s too sick to even get out of bed - but that might just stress him out more. Knowing that he’s the reason everything’s been rearranged will just make him feel worse.

“She didn’t say.” Luckily, he seems to accept that answer without question, but Bo can tell there’s something more bothering him. “Was everything ok last night?” Dell sniffles, and Bo hands him a tissue from the almost-empty box on the nightstand. He takes the now room temperature compress and puts it on the bedside table.

“No, I didn’t sleep good.”

“I mean with the dinner and everything.” 

“Oh. Uh, it wasn’t great. Just family drama.” He pauses. “No one gives a shit about me, Bo.” Immediately Bo’s hand goes to cup his cheek.

“That’s not true.” Usually Dell doesn’t discuss any of his family issues, even when it’s just the two of them. He’s always diplomatic and vague, never really expressing any opinion. Bo gives a soft smile. “I do, right?”

“Not you, that’s not what I meant,” he says, and Bo sighs.

“Well what makes you say that?” Dell looks lost, his mind cloudy with fever, so Bo resates. “That no one gives a shit about you. What would make you think that?”

“I was so fucking sick last night.” He ends the sentence there but Bo can infer the rest of the meaning. And no one cared. 

“To be fair, you’re very good at looking perfectly fine when you feel like shit.” Bo offers, but Dell’s expression doesn’t change.

“ I can’t...it’s hard to explain it.”

“It’s alright, I understand.” He doesn’t, but the conversation is clearly only making Dell more upset. “Can I get you to eat something?” He asks, and Dell sighs.

“I guess. I don’t know. Can you ask Mari why everything’s cancelled? That doesn’t make sense.” Bo bites his lip. 

“Yeah, I can ask her.” He’s wondering how he’ll even begin to think of a believable lie when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He opens his texts. 

medical got denied. Bo frowns, typing back quickly.

what? why?

She texts back almost immediately.

they didn’t say. schedule is clear though, so that’s something at least.

The frustration must show on his face because Dell speaks up.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, just give me a second,” he says, and types back.

he needs the med assist

Another message comes through.

relax. he gets sick all the time its not a big deal 

Bo closes his phone and shoves it into his pocket, trying not to look as angry as he feels. 

“What?” Dell asks, and Bo sighs, brushing some of the hair off his forehead. 

“Just Mari giving me shit, it’s fine.” Dell frowns.

“What did she say about the schedule?” He asks, voice distorted by congestion and fever. Bo takes a deep breath.

“Today and tomorrow everything’s cancelled.” Dell still looks confused.

“Why though?” Bo is really having to weigh the benefits and drawbacks of being truthful. If he lies, Dell might feel better for the moment, but he’s eventually going to find out the reality. But if he is honest - that he told Mari he was too sick to get out of bed - it’ll cause some more immediate problems. Bo decides that he’s going to keep an even keel, and cross the truth-bridge when they get there.

“I think someone last night noticed you weren’t feeling well.” Dell doesn’t look totally satisfied with that answer. “Your mom maybe?” Dell’s expression immediately shifts to one of almost childlike disbelief, and Bo immediately feels guilty. 

“Yeah?” he asks softly, and a lump forms in Bo’s throat. Would it be so terrible to lie if it’d make him feel so much better? He’s so sick he might not even remember their conversation.

“Mmhmm.” He’s really digging himself a hole here. Dell’s going to be devastated when he finds out it’s not true, but for now if it’s what’s going to keep him in bed that’s probably the most important thing. For most people the worst outcome of not getting proper rest with something this bad would be a prolonged recovery, which isn’t great, but it’s much better than what he knows Dell’s experienced twice - sepsis. When a normal infection gets into the bloodstream and wrecks absolute havoc. Insane fever, every nerve screaming, heart racing -

He hasn’t witnessed it himself, just heard the second-hand accounts from some of the other staff, but he knows enough. The awful immune system, the scar on his sternum, the nightmares and panic attacks - that’s where they all come from. One bout after pneumonia went untreated for two weeks when he was 15, the second from a kidney infection when he was 22. And Bo swears it’ll be over his dead body before it happens a third time. 

So maybe he is overreacting, but he’d rather overreact than have to see Dell go through anything like that. Which is all the more reason Dell needs the med assist. 

“Just when I thought she finally, fully, 100% hated my guts...” Dell mumbles, and Bo bites his lip. He types a text to Mari.

who denied medical?

He slips the phone back into his pocket, and goes back to stroking Dell’s hair. He seems so content, like he’s ready to fall asleep.

“Wait, take these first,” Bo says, and hands him two ibuprofen. He downs them quickly, and wastes no time curling back up under the comforter. Bo’s phone vibrates in his pocket.

who do you think? Bo sighs. Another text comes in.

could definitely change though. she’s trying to set some meetings back up, without him obviously, so she might want him distracted

“You keep looking at your phone like that. What does that mean?” Dell mumbles, and Bo rubs his eyes. 

“It’s just Mari, it’s fine.” He slides it back into his pocket and tries to process everything that’s happening. Dell pouts.

“She’s being mean to you?” He almost smiles, but the look on Dell’s face is earnest. He tests the blonde’s forehead. Definitely a little warmer. Once a fever starts getting into the neighborhood of 103, Dell is a little less...filtered. 

“I can’t talk shit about her, especially not to you,” Bo says, and Dell tries to roll his eyes, but his face screws up in pain. Bo smirks. “What’s up?”

“My entire face fucking hurts.” He takes a deep breath, and Bo’s glad it sounds like his lungs are doing fine. He presses the heels of his palms against his eyes and groans. “My teeth hurt, Bo. My teeth. They’re bones.” Bo can’t suppress a laugh. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dell looks at him like he’s an idiot.

“Bones are like...rocks.”

“They are 100% not like rocks. Why do you think it hurts when you break something?”

“Because there’s stuff around it - whatever.” He takes another deep breath and sneezes wetly into his elbow, followed by a soft moan. “Mari sucks. Why can’t we talk about Mari?” he mumbles, and Bo is surprised he remembers the beginning of the conversation. That said, he’s still clearly operating under the fever - he’d never be so candid if he was in his right mind.

“Because it’d be unprofessional,” Bo says, and Dell laughs.

“How does fucking me fit into unprofessionalism?” He asks, and Bo’s a little relieved he seems to have enough mental wherewithal to be sarcastic. 

“Ok, yeah. You’re right.” Bo’s hand has stopped playing with Dell’s hair. “She just said something about me being wrapped around your finger.” Dell opens his eyes wearily.

“More please,” he mumbles, and Bo furrows his brow. “Your hand. Do more.” Bo cracks a smile and continues his ministrations, carefully running his fingertips through the gold-blonde curls.

“I think she was right,” he says, and Dell frowns.

“Bout what?” 

“I’m wrapped around your finger.”

“No, it’s uh...the snakes. Around that thing,” he says and sniffles again. Bo hands him a tissue.

“I’m not following,” Bo says, catching himself before pulling his hand away from his hair. 

“It’s like...two snakes. Around a thing. It’s on a bunch of stuff...” he says, trailing off, and Bo racks his brain.

“Can you give me...literally anything a little more specific?” Bo asks, and although he’s joking, feverish Dell doesn’t seem to get it.

“I’m trying, my head hurts,” he says, sounding genuinely dismayed, and Bo runs a thumb over his hot temple.

“I know, I’m just teasing.” The image suddenly pops into Bo’s head. “Caduceus! The staff with the two snakes, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. They’re like...they’re wrapped around each other. That’s you and me. Wrapped around each other.” Dell closes his eyes, finally seeming content now that he’s gotten a thought across. 

After that, Dell falls asleep for real, which gives Bo a little time to handle everything else that’s going on.

He walks into the kitchen and closes the door before calling Mari.

“Hey,” she says. “Good news. You’ve got your medical but bad news is I don’t think you’re gonna like it.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it?”

“I’m pretty sure the plan is to have a doctor deem him physically unfit for any sort of real political office.” Bo feels a spike of anger in his chest. “It’s kind of bullshit but it might be better in the long run. With everything going on the past few months, he hasn’t been this bad since college. Or so I’m told. It’s what Will says, anyway.” Will’s been working PR for the royals about 10 years now. “He said stress makes it worse. And you know things have been pretty fucking stressful.” 

Bo doesn’t know where to begin. There’s too much he wants to say.

“You there?” She asks, and Bo sighs.

“Yeah. Unfortunately.” 

“They said they wanted the people there asap, so I’d keep a lookout.”

It’s then that Bo hears voices from the other room.

“I’ve gotta go,” he says, and hangs up before hearing her reply. He walks back into the main living area and sees Dell sitting up against the headboard, a young man and two young women are huddled around him. Bo clears his throat, and they turn.

“Bowen, correct?” the man asks, and Bo nods. “Seeing as Mr. Hagen won’t be needing your services for the rest of the day, you’re free to leave.”

“Bo stays,” Dell says before Bo can even open his mouth. The man nods.

“Alright.” One of the women is pulling out some medical tools, the other seems to be prepping a blood draw. The man doesn’t bother introducing himself to Bo, just continues on his conversation with Dell. Bo can’t be sure what’s already been said, but it’s safe to assume Dell downplayed the severity. 

One of the women, Bo guesses they must be nurses, takes Dell’s temperature with an over the forehead reader. Bo braces himself for the reading.

“100.3. Low grade,” she says, and Dell shoots him a look. Either the fever’s miraculously broken in the five minutes Bo’s been gone, or Dell knows how to cheat the thermometer. The nurse taking his blood pressure frowns.

“That’s odd, he’s very warm. Do we have the tympanic?” The other nurse nods, and grabs an ear thermometer from the bag. Dell’s face has fallen. She puts it in his ear and and he sighs. It beeps, and she pulls it back.

“That’s more like it. 103.1.”

“Fuck,” Dell breathes, and the nurse rubs his shoulder.

“It’s alright, just your body fighting to get well.”

“I know,” he whispers. He looks like he might cry. He doesn’t so much as blink when the other nurse starts taking his blood.

“So we’ve gone over how you’re feeling today...” the man says, flipping through pages in a file. “You said mild headache, upper respiratory congestion?” Dell nods. “We’ll add the fever in, and your blood pressure is low...” He draws out his words as he scribbles things down onto the paper. “Obviously I’m just the RN, and Dr. Jones -”

“Dr. Jones?” Dell interrupts.

“That’s who was requested, right?” Dell frowns.

“I didn’t re- where’s Dr. Hansen?” He asks, and the RN looks surprised but not confused. He looks down at the sheet and presses his lips into a line.

“Alright, uh, I see the problem. Dr. Hansen’s -”

“Don’t tell me he’s busy. He’s not busy. He gets paid to be on call, it’s his job to not be busy,” Dell snaps, and Bo’s a little taken aback. He’s never heard Dell demand anything before. “I know what’s going on here, ok? I’m not an idiot.”

“I think your temp-” one of the nurses starts, and he cuts her off.

“I’m not mad because I have a fever, ok? I’m mad because I’m 24 years old and I’m being treated like a child.” He sighs and rubs his eyes. “I apologize, I’m just very frustrated,” he says, and it’s odd to hear him all of a sudden using his professional voice. “I know it’s not...I’m sorry, this is just your job.” He takes a long pause. “My mother made this request -”

“Oh, no. We were told it was uh...your assistant?” He turns to Bo, “I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

“Bowen,” Dell says, voice flat.

“Right. Bowen spoke with Marina, and communicated to her that you were too ill to leave bed. Marina in turn put in a medical assistance request.” 

Dell pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. 

“Ok, whatever.” He sighs, and when he opens his eyes he looks completely exhausted. “What I mean to say is Dr. Jones reports to my mother, and Dr. Hansen is the doctor with whom I have a confidentiality agreement, so if I’m going to be seen by somebody, I need it to be him. And additionally I’d appreciate it if the vitals were reported exclusively to Dr. Hansen.” 

The RN seems to have no problem with this, looking almost relieved that he hasn’t done something wrong.

“Alright, sounds good. Will do. Is there anything else I should tell him?” His pen is hovering over the paper.

“You can tell Dr. Jones I did a thousand pushups. And to go fuck himself.” The RN laughs nervously, but Dell’s face is blank. “Apologies for my language I’m fuck-” he catches himself and lets out a shuddering breath. “I’m really not feeling well.”

“Right, speaking of that,” the RN seems to be relieved the non-medical part of the conversation has ended, “Like I said I’m not Dr. - I’m not the one who makes the diagnosis, but with a fever that high I’m surprised you don’t feel worse.” He flips back a few pages. “From what you described I’d guess a common cold but it doesn’t square with your vitals.”

“Can I be frank with you?” Dell asks, and the RN twirls his pen nervously.

“Of course, sir.”

“I’m exhausted. If you have what you need -” The RN stands up immediately, and motions for the nurses to grab the bags.

“Yes, of course. Absolutely.” The hurriedly pack their things, and are gone without a trace in under a minute. Dell’s still sitting upright, leaning back against the headboard, eyes closed. Bo sits down on the edge of the mattress. Carefully, he runs his fingers through Dell’s hair.

“I’m not mad at you,” he whispers, but Bo doesn’t reply, just keeps playing with his hair. “You’re just worried about me, you don’t...” he sighs shakily. “You don’t know how fucked up everything is.”

Bo feels tears start to well up in his eyes, and a lump form in his throat.

“hey, hey, it’s alright,” Dell says, and Bo shakes his head.

“I hate seeing you in pain. I fucking hate it. And this is my fault. All of it.” He chokes back and sob and rubs his eyes. “And now I’m crying, and you’re comforting me which is ridiculous, and you’re still burning up and you still have that headache because I can see that crease between your eyebrows, and -”

“Relax.” He grabs Bo’s hand gently. His hot thumb runs back and forth over Bo’s knuckles. “Just relax.” Bo tries, and Dell gives him a sad little smile. “Trying to take care of me is...it’s like trying to build a house of cards in a hurricane. It’s rotten work.”

Bo looks down at their intertwined hands, then back up to Dell’s eyes. He tries to keep his gaze steady.

“Not to me. Not if it’s you.”

[abrakophile]

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE. 

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING  (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP. 

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

[wocfics]

Step By Step

Kim Namjoon Series

Arranged Marriage Series

Main Masterlist

KNJ x Poc Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2k+

“Shhh...come on YoungMi, please get some sleep for mommy.” You paced around your daughter’s room while rocking her in your arms. You glanced over at the clock that read 2:43 am and took a deep breath. YoungMi whined and cried quietly in your arms. You knew she couldn’t help it since she was sick and the poor thing couldn’t get sleep. After getting prescribed medicine, the doctor said it should work after a couple of hours but Namjoon, being Namjoon, forgot to give it to her before her bedtime and you were left to fix it. It had only been a few minutes since you gave it to her and she started to quiet down.

Ever since that day at the building, you and Namjoon haven’t been on the best of terms. You avoided him as much as possible, only talking to him when it was related to the child you both shared. You didn’t have long to think about the living conditions since all of your stuff had already been moved in anyways. You did what you had to for your baby, wanting nothing but the nest for her. That was a few months ago, of course and now you had to deal with a sick, crying baby. Although you weren’t talking to Namjoon as much, you were able to figure out his schedule since it was a must. 

5 am- Namjoon wakes up and so does YoungMi

5:30- Namjoon has eaten breakfast while you feed the baby as well and let Namjoon hold her for a while before heading to the studio.

6 am- YoungMi goes back down after being tired from waking up so early and you take a shower.

7 am- You cook yourself breakfast and do any cleaning that wasn’t done the night before while learning Korean through an app and books, with help from Jimin.

7:45- YoungMi wakes up and you get her dressed for the day.

Between 8 am and 10 pm you give MiMi her tummy time so she can learn to crawl, feed her and you make a grocery list for later, make lunch and do laundry.

By 12:30 YoungMi is down for her nap while you eat breakfast and learn more Korean, taking notes.

1:15- MiMi wakes up from her nap and is fed again.

2pm: You and the baby go out to the grocery store and spend some time at the Han River.

5pm: You start cooking dinner and brush up on your studies since you’re still waiting for a few phone calls for your esthetician job.

6pm- You feed MiMi again and turn on soft music for her to listen to while she sits in her bouncer and watches you make dinner. 

7pm- You give MiMi her bath

8pm- You eat and put the rest up for Namjoon

9pm- Namjoon comes home and goes right to spend some time with MiMi before bed while you learn more Korean.

10pm- Namjoon takes another shower and goes to bed while you go to bed in the other bedroom.

You had all of this figured out within the 3 months that you’ve been living together. Sometimes Namjoon will send a text to see YoungMi on his lunch break at the building so you bring her there, but you won’t say a word to him and the boys can tell that there’s a lot of tension between the two of you. They don’t speak on it, since most of them have their own issues going on already with their wives. When you do need a break, Namjoon’s mother, the angel that she is, will take the baby to give you some free time in which you do squeeze in a few sessions with a personal trainer since you wanted to get your body back.

Now, in this room with your daughter slowly falling asleep, you sniffled some since she was starting to make you sick, all from taking care of her. You kissed her head a few times, rocking back and forth. Even if your eyes felt heavy and you wanted to sleep, you knew you couldn’t until she was okay. Motherhood was definitely taking its toll on you and your body but you wouldn’t give her up for anything. It was hard, but you knew you could do it and even if you and Namjoon didn’t see eye to eye he was a great dad, a little forgetful but great to MiMi. 

Laying her down in her crib and placing a blanket over her, you walked over to the humidifier in her room and filled it with more water, turned it on and walked back to your own room. Hearing the other door open, you froze and turned to see Namjoon coming out of the room, shirtless and wearing boxers while scratching his chest and staring at you. “She okay? I heard her crying.” He grumbled. God, why does his voice have to be so deep and sexy at this hour? If you didn’t hate him so much right now you would probably be pregnant again. You hadn’t gotten laid since the night your daughter was conceived but you were sure he got his fill while you suffered.

“She’s fine now, you forgot to give her the medicine she was supposed to take hours ago.” He cursed and rubbed his face. “I forgot...I’m sorry. Hectic day and-” “It’s taken care of now, just go back to bed.” You cut him off, not really in the mood to hear what he had to say. Closing your door behind you, taking a deep breath, you sat on the edge of your bed and rubbed the back of your neck and that’s when your door opened and in walked Namjoon, closing it behind him and clasping his hands together. Was he for real? Right now at this hour and still wearing boxers? 

“Y/N...we need to talk about this now. It’s been months and this is getting ridiculous. I know we don’t know much about each other but we do have a daughter together and I would like for us to get along for her sake. There’s an award show coming up and the company wants us to invite the wives, ever since the announcement people have been waiting to see all of you so I need you on this, Y/N, please. There’s already enough stress with this comeback and the new album dropping soon.” He paused for a few seconds and looked at you. “We can talk more about it in the morning, you can even sleep in the bed with me and move your stuff into the room. I want to work this out.” He added. 

He looked like a God when he was begging like this. Blinking a few times, you rolled your eyes twice as hard as he spoke and picked at your pajama shorts before looking up at him. “I want you to apologize. Apologize to me for what you said. You wanted me to stay out of your way, you wanted me to stay in the extra bedroom and not bother you while you work and I gave you exactly what you wanted and now you hate it. I’ve been giving you what you’ve wanted besides this marriage that I had no say in...I just want you to know, that as hard as it is for you it was hard for me too, Namjoon. To be pregnant by myself with no help, drive myself to the hospital and give birth alone and then take care of her for 2 months by myself. No help, just sleeping when she sleeps and eating when she isn’t crying. So, with that, the only thing I want from you is an apology. I’ll fix everything else tomorrow and we can figure something out but I just need you to understand that I’m also overwhelmed too.” You climbed under the blanket and looked at him. 

“Please, let me get some sleep, call your mother in the morning to pick up MiMi and keep her for the day.” Namjoon nodded and gave you a small smile. “This will all work out, I promise. All relationships have obstacles and this is one of many that we will get through. Things will get crazier but I promise I’ll try my best for both of you. Um, goodnight, Y/N.” He nodded his head once again before leaving the room.

Great, now you were stuck staring up at the ceiling and thinking about what he just said. Clearly he needed to redeem himself and you could tell he felt guilty about what you went through while being alone and pregnant. Also, you had forgotten about the award show and even the whole announcement. You stayed away from most of your social media except for Instagram, which you kept extremely private and you wouldn’t dare to go on Twitter even though you had thousands of notifications. What were you gonna wear to this award show anyways?

You and the other wives had your fittings in one dressing room, all matching colors with your husband, your color was gold. You were placed in a short dress, black with gold details, the back was only slightly low and the dress itself stopped at your mid thigh, almost feeling like a second skin. Your jewelry was gold as well, a few rings, earrings, a gold diamond choker and a a bracelet. Your shoes were black, keeping those simple. You did your own hair, keeping your curls but less volume and did a simple smokey eye with a brown lip. 

You waited with the other wives, quietly talking amongst them and taking in how beautiful they all were. Jin’s wife was last to get ready, being the diva that you thought she was but once you all were ready, you waited for the boys. Looking over your fresh manicure that you were not used to having, you played with the rings on your fingers while the boys walked out, all dressed in their own style of suits but they matched the dresses overall. Namjoon stared at you, his eyes looking over your body and you glared at him before getting into the vehicle that was to escort all of you to the red carpet.

The amount of cameras and people that were on the red carpet was overwhelming. You weren’t ready at all but Namjoon, kept you next to him, holding your hand while you all walked and waited to take pictures. The screams were insane, your body tensed up every now and then but you kept a small smile on your face while posing and taking pictures. While the boys spoke, you and the other wives took a few photos together, it was weird that people knew your names and asked you to turn and take photos for them. 

Each couple had their interview, which thankfully you didn’t have to speak much and Namjoon did almost all of the talking. He led you inside, his hand on your lower back and waved at a few people. Once inside, you walked to your seats. “Are you okay?” Namjoon asked and you nodded, confused as to why until you heard the fans from afar, some cheering and others yelling bad things at you and the other wives. Scrunching your eyebrows, you held Namjoon’s hand and squeezed it while staring at the stage as they got things together. 

At one point during the show, the boys got up, more than once to accept awards and then to perform. You sat next to Jimin’s wife who was on your right, dancing in your seats to most of the songs and grinning when the boys performed. The whole night was something you never thought you would have the luxury of being in. The idols were nice, at least most of them, some of them didn’t take the time to say hi but it didn’t bother you. You knew why but you didn’t let it ruin your night.

The boys were phenomenal, winning so many awards that even they were shocked. Although it was long, it finally ended and you were able to go home. As Namjoon walked over to you, sweat on his face, you grabbed a napkin and patted it away for him, fixed his collar and jumped when you heard someone behind you call his name. Jackson Wang, of Got7. He jogged over to you two and briefly spoke to Namjoon, asking him to come to the after party. 

Within the two weeks that you moved back into the main bedroom, worked out your schedules and your daughter got over her cold, things were looking better. The fandom was still shaken up, but on your end, this was what you wanted for your daughter, a great life and even greater parents. 

You nodded to Namjoon, seeing as he was looking at you for confirmation for the after party. Of course, you would be going with him since Jackson insisted. 

The after party was a different atmosphere, more relaxed than the award show. There were drinks, actual food and music playing. The building in which it was being held was beautifully decorated, red carpeting and a chandelier in the middle of the room. The first thing you did was grab a glass of wine and took a sip while Namjoon introduced you to a few people. Jackson made his way back over. “You made it and you brought your beautiful wife.” He cheered and finished his glass of whatever he was drinking and held out his hand to you. He kissed the back of your hand and you full on smiled, giggling. “Wow, Namjoon-ah, you really outdid it. She’s so beautiful. Your dress is amazing.” He commented towards you and you thanked him as he spun you around.

From the corner of your eye, you can see Namjoon’s jaw tighten visibly and he pulled you back to his side and stared down at you. Jackson was still holding onto your hand, looking over your rings and showering you in compliments, your face was burning from it all and Namjoon took your now empty glass from you and went to get you another one.

“So how does it feel to be Mrs. Kim Namjoon, huh? Where did you two meet and how come I didn’t see you first?” He joked and you laughed, explaining that you met in California a little over a year ago. You let go of his hand as he talked about his music and the trips he had lined up, you noticed Namjoon standing by the bar, watching you, carefully and you hugged Jackson goodbye, his hands rubbing your back before letting go.

Once you were in front of Namjoon, he leaned down to your ear. “We’re leaving now.” He ordered and grabbed your hand, pulling you with him out of the building and towards the car that was waiting for you. He sent a quick text and the other members came piling into the car with you and you all drove off.

You didn’t know what caused this sudden change in character for him but something told you he was angry about whatever it was. Maybe Jackson being too friendly or maybe he just wasn’t feeling well. Whatever it was, you were gonna ask him once you two got home anyways.

[agentsandbutterflies]

Merwin, bakery AU. ❤️

So I was almost done with this when I got this mental image of a scene and had to change the entire premise... I’ve put the other one under the cut for you, because damn it.

Eggsy needs a second job because he can’t get enough hours at the grocery store where he works

He sees a sign in the window of a bakery and since the hours are from 4 am to 8 am he figures he can do that before his other work, no matter what hours they give him

The bakery isn’t really looking for someone to train, but the sign has been in the window for a while and Eggsy seems fit enough to manage the more physical parts of the job so he’s hired

Eggsy is a hard worker and a quick learner, but getting up at 3 am is taking its toll on him, especially the days when he has the closing shifts at the grocery store

The hourly rate at the bakery is better, though. And it smells good. And it’s warm. And there are no terrible customers.

And Merlin’s there...

Merlin’s one of the bakers. He comes off a bit grumpy at first (or always, really) but he’s encouraging and actually takes the time to train Eggsy, even though there really is not time and the work just has to be done

Eggsy comes in in the mornings, Merlin’s there, sitting on the stool with a cup of coffee, already changed into his jacket and apron

(Eggsy has never seen him actually wear the military green sweater that hangs in the changing room) 

He looks pleased to see Eggsy almost every morning, and he says things like “I’m thinking carrot bread today, what do you think?” or “Want to learn braid dough?” 

They have about twenty minutes alone every morning before the other baker comes to work and those twenty minutes quickly become the reason Eggsy gets up in the morning

(Harry -- the other baker -- is always late, so Eggsy doesn’t notice how those twenty minutes become thirty minutes, then forty minutes... He’s just happy to get more time alone with Merlin. Merlin never says a word to Harry about it either.)

It’s a perfectly ordinary morning

Merlin’s question of the day is “I need to get started on the pies, do you think you can manage the bread yourself until Harry gets here?”

Eggsy can and he does

They move around in the small space, listening to the radio, talk. It’s nice, it’s familiar, it’s how life is probably supposed to be

Eggsy puts a sheet of bread in the oven and turns around

Merlin, clearly on his way somewhere, stops

They are not even an inch from each other

The room is warm and bright, time stands still

Merlin takes a step back, putting another two inches between them, because that’s all there is, and takes a deep breath

Eggsy’s heart is in his throat, for the first time ever he wishes that Harry would get his arse over here to break whatever tension this is

“Sorry lad, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“You haven’t.”

Merlin smiles and goes back to work. Eggsy slumps against the workbench

When Harry finally arrives, Merlin takes a long break

The next morning, everything is as it’s always is

Merlin sits on the stool, drinking his coffee when Eggsy comes

But instead of a question he says, “I was about to kiss you yesterday. I’m sorry. Harry’s promised to be here on time, starting tomorrow.”

Eggsy stares

And stares

And stares

“So if I hurry I can kiss you before he gets here today?” he asks

Then it’s Merlin’s turn to stare, but after a moment he nods

Eggsy walks up to him, bends down and kisses him

On request, Harry keeps coming in late even in the future

Send me a ship + AU and I give you 5+ headcanons

Hehe I had to think really hard to not make this a “the front of Kingsman is a bakery and not tailor shop AU”! I hope it sort of worked? Turned a bit coffee-shopy…

Eggsy gets a job at a local bakery after leaving school because the hours are odd enough that he can fit in a second job during the day

He gets up at 3 am every day, works until 8 am at the bakery when they open and then he goes to the grocery store where he works between 9 am and 6 pm

He doesn’t have the energy to do much more than make dinner before he collapse in bed after 8 pm

It works, but it’s not really a life

Some days when he has a later shift at the grocery store he stays longer at the baker and mans the register (all hours are good hours)

He likes when that happens on Tuesdays or Thursdays, because Tuesday and Thursday are Kingsman’s order pick-up days

That means Tuesday and Thursday Merlin comes into the bakery

(Eggsy knows his real name isn’t Merlin, he has seen the man sign his name enough times by now, but when he first saw him he wore a bomber jacket with a merlin on the back and that mental nick-name stuck with Eggsy)

Merlin must be about twice his age and so insanely hot that Eggsy feels like a complete idiot every time he opens his mouth around him

Whatever small denial he might have had left about his sexuality had gone out the window at his first meeting with Merlin

“You should stop by Kingsman some time,” says Merlin one morning when Eggsy helps him carry out the bread. “See what we do with all your hard work.”

“I can’t,” Eggsy says, blushing with shame. “Have another job after this.”

“We’re open until eight every day.”

Eggsy promises he’ll come, because how can he not?

Kingsman is a deli that (among other things) sells sandwiches that they make with the bread Eggsy bakes every morning

One day when Eggsy can leave the grocery store early (at 5 pm!) he goes to there

He’s terribly nervous and wishes he had thought this through more so that he could have picked better clothes this morning… Or at least have time for a shower…

The doorbell plings as he enters Kingsman

The man behind to counter looks up, he wears a pair of glasses and his hair is fucking amazing

“I’m looking for… em… Merlin,” says Eggsy, blanking out on the man’s actual name

“Who?”

“Eggsy, is that you?” comes Merlin’s voice from the back room.

Merlin’s face lights up with a smile when he sees him. “Harry, this is Eggsy, our baker.”

Eggsy protests, because he’s not the bakery, he just works at the bakery!

The man with the hair -- Harry, apparently -- doesn’t bother to listen. “Nice to finally meet you,” he says. “Was it... Merlin you called him? Well, Merlin hasn’t stopped going on about y--”

Merlin throws the receiptroll he had gone to fetch at Harry to shut him up

Harry snickers and leaves

(and then I thought of the other thing, but yeah they probably end up kissing some point after this ;) )

[maepolzine]

As much as I love my short hair, I was seriously missing long hair so I got a wig off of Amazon that’s got dark roots then long, wavy blond ends. And I seriously love it. I still need to figure out how to style it without wearing a hat as right not it’s a bit obvious without a beanie that I’m wearing a wig. But other than that I’m loving it! But it was quite cold over the weekend compared to the week or two before, so I didn’t mind getting a chance to wear a beanie. Since honestly I would wear a beanie every day if I could. If you would like this wig, here’s a link to the listing on Amazon. I have gotten several other wigs from this brand and love them. Just as a note, this is the first not lace-front wig I’ve gotten from them and there is a little bit of shredding when you first wear it. But overall, it’s not too bad.

  I also realized that I am super behind in Steven Universe, but can’t exactly buy the rest of the volumes that I don’t have but I did get the next volume on Amazon to watch. I did accidentally see the spoiler regarding Rose Quartz.. and I have to say it makes a lot of sense. Not that it makes everything better but it explains things. However, I’m not super happy about Rose Quartz being Pink Diamond. Because she basically caused all of the issues in the first place. From taking over the colony of Earth then creating an alter ego to start a war instead of just telling her fellow diamonds that she didn’t want to complete the colony. And then instead of dealing with her mess, she pretended to have herself shattered which caused the other three diamonds to corrupt all of the gems left on earth minus Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, and Pink Diamond now being her alter ego of Rose Quartz. And all that comes to mind when thinking of Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond:

“I finally know the truth. I know what you are! You’re a liar! I thought you’d never want to hurt anyone! You hurt everyone! How could you just leave Garnet, and Amethyst and Pearl, and-and Dad?! They don’t know what to do without you! Maybe they didn’t matter to you as much as hiding the mess you made! And that’s why I’m here, isn’t it?! Did you just make me so you just wouldn’t have to deal with your mistakes?! Is that what I’m all here for…?”

Steven Universe, Storm the Room

Continuing on with shows, I’m not happy that Hayley died in The Originals though I’m glad she went out on her terms protecting her daughter. This season has been the worst one so far. I still think they should’ve just been done after the previous season. Considering all of the siblings had to be separated, Elijah had his memory wiped, Hope had just started at school, and everyone was happy! But no, they had to come back and tear everything apart. As long as they don’t mess with Kol and Davina, then I’ll be fine with however this season turns out. Since we know Hope is safe since she’s getting a spin-off series coming up called Legacies. But if they destroy my OTP, I will not be fine at all. They’ve already attacked and tried to destroy it twice now.

My mom and I have also decided to start going for long walks every weekend, and eventually 3 times a week. This past week we went around Rice Lake which is around a 5 mile walk. And considering my ankle is still healing from the sprain of two weeks ago, it probably wasn’t the best idea. Pixie was insanely excited about it and enjoyed the walk like there was no tomorrow. My mom is doing it to get back in shape since she now drives all of the time for work. And I am doing it to lose weight since I have a few pounds I need to lose.

  I’ve also switched temporarily at work to an earlier shift (7:30 AM to 4:30 PM), which has actually been really nice. It’s also not a normal time as I mentioned so there’s little to no traffic at anytime as it’s in between the waves for coming and going to downtown Minneapolis. Though I have had to get used to getting up earlier, which I’m still not used to yet after about two weeks of doing it. Then again, I still wasn’t used to the other time and I’ve had the same 8 AM to 5 PM shift for 4 years. I’m just not a morning person no matter what I try and hit snooze about 3 times every morning. But that’s a lot better than it was before, I used to hit the snooze button 6 or more times every morning. So I’m getting there on my year’s goal of not using the snooze button as much. Not at the point of quitting using it all together, but I’m getting closer.

I haven’t mentioned this and I don’t know why I haven’t… but Pixie no longer chills with me on my bed. Instead she prefers laying on the rug next to my bed or underneath my bed on her dog bed with all her toys. She used to always cuddle up next to me when I’m sitting on my bed on my laptop. But now she’s no where near me, and this includes when I go to sleep. Not sure if she’s just in a mood or if it’s cooler under the bed. I’m guessing it’s the second one since our room gets really hot. In the winter our room was unbearable unless the vent was shut. And now it’s still insanely hot even though I have the vent and window open to allow in cool air… but nope my current Harry Potter Closet room is just insanely hot. But I miss cuddles with my bug… and there isn’t room in there for a fan so I’m not sure what I’m going to do. If you have any ideas how to cool down a room, I am all for it.

Weekly Discoveries/Obsessions:

Songs: Sober Up by AJR.

TV Shows: Steven Universe (Volume 4-6).

Video Games: Clue: The Classic Mystery Game.

Weekly Influencer Shout-outs:

This is something new I’m going to do every week is shout-out several influencers that I love big and small. There are tons of influencers both on Instagram, blogging, YouTube, etc. that just don’t get their voices heard or their platform has made it so they aren’t being heard anymore. So I wanted to do shout-outs to those individuals. If there is someone you don’t think is getting the attention they need let us know in the comments so we can all check them out.

Swoop / Spankie Valentine: Twitter | YouTube | Instagram

Glam and Gore / Mykie: Twitter | YouTube | Instagram

From Roses / Rebecca: Twitter | Blog | Instagram

Instinctively En Vogue / Jackie: Twitter | Blog | Instagram

Porcelain / Bridgette: Twitter | YouTube | Instagram

I did get this idea from Swoop as I thought it was a brilliant idea and I encourage you guys to do the same because maybe then content creators on any of their platforms can get the attention they deserve or has been denied to them.

Love ya,

Mae Polzine

Join the Howl of the Pack today by subscribing! Or support this blog over on Patreon so I can continue to put out quality content for you! To stay updated on everything I’m doing, follow me on Twitter as that’s where I post quick updates. Also, if you like this post, let me know in the comment section, it really helps me figure out what content you guys appreciate. Don’t be shy I would love to hear from you!

My Week in Review As much as I love my short hair, I was seriously missing long hair so I got a wig off of Amazon that's got dark roots then long, wavy blond ends.

[cosmosogler]

oh my god, yesterday was the wooooorst.

i left for the airport on time. the bus app said that the bus would arrive at the stop in 10 minutes (and it was a 2 minute walk away). so i had 2 hours to make a ~30 minute ride.

i missed the bus by so much that i didn’t even see it drive away from the stop before i arrived. the app had just, completely lied i guess? the rest of the day was also like that.

so i walked to the downtown station to try to catch the other bus. i also just missed that one according to the lady at the counter. she said the next downtown bus was coming in 40 minutes. so i called a taxi after fretting about it for a few minutes. the taxi driver said they’d be there in 15-20 minutes so i was like “ok.” the other route would go by in a half hour so a taxi would be faster.

the taxi took over 40 minutes to arrive. i told them never mind and got on the second bus. they said they had just pulled into the station and seemed pretty salty about it. but like... that was more than twice as long as they said they’d take.

the bus didn’t leave the station for another ten minutes. i made the wroooong choice. the bus also stopped at every single stop along the route and got stuck at some long red lights. i called my mother. i complained about it to harrison. but nothin was gonna make that bus go faster.

i missed my flight by 10 minutes.

i got put on the next flight... which was in six hours. instead of 9 or 10 pm, i’d be getting home at 3 am (my time). so i spent 6 hours bumming around the airport. i couldn’t get food when i was hungry because the person behind the counter at the snack bar didn’t show up for a very long time. i started drawing a picture on my ipad that i’d planned on working on during the flight.

the flight took off late. i had had a 20 minute layover in charlotte, so every single minute was making me more and more antsy. then when we arrived in charlotte we got put at the wrong gate so the plane sat there for more than 5 minutes before trundling away to the new gate.

the gate was at the end of one terminal. the plane i had to catch was on the other end of the airport at the end of another terminal. i sprinted!!! i had ten minutes to get there!!!

i was really bummed because you’d think since i can bike 12 miles that i could run for more than one minute before completely losing my breath and stamina. though to be fair i had not eaten and was wearing a heavy backpack and a bra that’s a little too tight. i was wheezing after a few seconds.

i actually made it? and i got my boarding pass printed at the counter with 4 minutes to spare before boarding started. i ran back to the bathroom but the line was so long i’d never make it back to the gate (the area was under construction and the nearest bathroom was more than 2 minutes away from the gate). 

it had been a few hours since i’d gotten to use the restroom, and with my gallbladder out i’ve had less... like, tolerance for waiting. that might be a “stress has destroyed my body” thing more than a gallbladder thing though.

anyway i had to fidget in my plane seat for 45 minutes while waiting for boarding to end and the takeoff and then we had to reach cruising altitude.

on the flight my ipad pencil wouldn’t connect to the ipad (airplane mode i guess?) so i couldn’t draw for the 5 hours i was sitting there. i got out smash instead since i got my 3ds fixed the other day... i got really REALLY good at hitting rest on a moving target as jigglypuff. i spent like 40 minutes doing nothing but that. the other hour was just working on general combos and taking on the computer as dedede. because i had nothing else to do and wanted to get good at it again. i made a gunner mii based off blue but the mii characters don’t really seem to have any natural combos? it’s just really hard to rack up damage with them. jumbi’s way easier to play as, at least. she’s got a sword.

my thumb started hurting from the new thumb stick (it wasn’t broken in yet i guess) so i put the game away and dozed for the rest of the flight. i made some notes for the story... just thinkin about how i wanted to work out some conversations. i mostly wanted to rest because i’d be getting home at 4 am in the morning my time, the airport is an hour away from my parents’ house. i didn’t get any sleep at all.

when i got to the airport my mom and dad were actually there? i thought they’d be picking me up at the curb. but they snuck up behind me while i was trying to get to baggage claim and mom almost pushed me down the escalator.

dad acted like everything’s normal. and i guess things are “normal” now. as in, this is the new normal, because dad has either completely ignored what he did or forgotten about it. 

he probably forgot about it. grabbing and threatening me and using real personal insults wasn’t a big deal ~to him~. grabbing me while i was laying in bed trying to sleep wasn’t a big deal ~to him~.

i pretended to sleep on the car ride home but again couldn’t manage to doze off. i wrote a few more story notes in my memo after a while because i gave up.

when i got home i went basically right to bed without even putting on pajamas and then i couldn’t sleep. wiley came to cuddle with me for a little bit. once he was satisfied that he had stepped on me enough times he left. i still couldn’t sleep.

when i finally did doze off, i woke up like two hours before my alarm was set to go off. so i guess i got like five hours of sleep maybe?

today was a blur. i spent a large fraction of it scanning in my old comic pages. i couldn’t get my sketchbook to fit in the scanner though no matter what i tried (i tried a lot of arrangements). so i’ll either figure that out later or not bother. there was a big dark line down the left side of the images. i was also a little upset that my loose pages didn’t fit in the scanner, so there’s a bit of the side clipped off every page image now. i was so broken up about how much i was losing that i didn’t even change the deviantart images. i know i shouldn’t put stuff on the edges of the page, but i didn’t really register it when i started the comic. i had started to use the whole page, and i put dialogue at the top and off to the sides to give myself more room to draw. i had to erase and redraw a lot of speech bubbles.

then i think i dicked around online for a while, uploading the images and stuff, and then i went downstairs to try to draw on the ipad and maybe finish that picture i’d started. i don’t think it’s going to be a fast picture... i don’t have the energy for shading though.

my brother came home so i said “hi” and “nice anime hair.” his hair is more than twice as long as mine, at least in the front. in the back it’s not quite that much longer. we drove out to freddy’s for dinner and both got real sick from the greasy burgers. he got it worse though because i had a veggie burger. then we got ice cream because we’re geniuses.

then we got groceries but i couldn’t find any tempeh. so tacos are gonna have to wait.

mom came home at 8 pm. she’d been out of the house working or driving to/from work for 13 hours today. she’s going to work for 6 hours tomorrow too. she told me about our my financial situation. but then she gave me a bunch of excuses to not teach me how to do taxes yet again this year.

i gotta start paying off my student loans though. can’t let that interest build up.

villanova apparently blew all my parents’ retirement funds. i didn’t realize they didn’t actually provide us with any financial aid. we couldn’t get loans because of the retirement money... all i managed to do at villanova was almost die!

while i was hanging out with my brother he made a few “jew” jokes. i pretended to be extremely confused. he asked if i’d never heard of jew jokes before and i shrugged and said not really. at least it got him off track. he didn’t tell any more.

i need to read up on how to deal with family members who get... weird about race. my brother’s already made holocaust jokes though. he’s been doing that. i get the feeling he fell in with the wrong crowd. i don’t remember what to do about it.

genevieve seems bored to tears. from the way my family describes her behavior she seems... depressed. she won’t go for walks. she doesn’t leave her bed and doesn’t come when called. she still won’t touch the stairs and she doesn’t spend much time in the backyard. 

i got her to come twice when i called today at least. i had to be really insistent and annoying but she did come over eventually and i highly praised her generosity. that seemed to cheer her up. she wagged her tail and everything. it’s so hot out... maybe tomorrow i can get her to go to the park for a few minutes. we’ll see. 

whenever i try to interact with eve my family, like, tells me how it is with her. like she’s just Like That now and there’s nothing they can do about it. “she won’t go up the stairs. she just won’t.” “she won’t come when we call her. she just looks at us. that’s all she does.” when i called eve my brother actually interrupted me to tell me yet again that she doesn’t come when called.

i got her to come.

when i try to encourage eve to check out the stairs my mother has interrupted me three times to tell me eve won’t go up the stairs. like she doesn’t want me to even try. eve is so lonely. i can tell. she’s bored and lonely. that’s why she’s started chewing up cardboard and stuff left on the floor.

i’m gonna take my work downstairs tomorrow and work in the kitchen i think. 

this evening i tried to start drawing for the comic again. i got one panel done, but IT’S SO HOT HERE. MY HANDS WERE SWEATING BEFORE I COULD EVEN PICK UP THE PENCIL. EVERYTHING GOT SO SMUDGED!!! it’s going to be a real struggle to finish two scenes this week. ten pages... i’ve got three finished already and in my drafts on the comic. so, i need to draw seven pages. i’ll work on it tomorrow if i can. these pages might suffer because of the heat though. i smudged one of the older pages before i could even get it in the scanner. i somehow got graphite on my LEFT hand, which never gets smudgy when i work... it’s always the side of my right hand since i rest it on the paper so it doesn’t shake.

my back really, really hurts. my shoulders and neck also really hurt. i tried stretching, but i didn’t really put a lot of effort into it... i always feel so, like, unable to do things here. unwilling to do things, maybe. lethargic. i didn’t get to meditate yesterday and i’m skipping it tonight because i don’t want to make noise with the guided thing. i’ve been lax about it anyway. i feel so on edge.

when i tried to have lunch at like 10:30 (? i lost track of time) this morning i was immediately very ill. so i ended up not having any food for about 27 hours, if we decide to cut out the leftovers adventure there. i didn’t try to eat again until i went out with my brother. to fast food... only good decisions, folks!!

still feeling super lethargic even though i finished a panel. i’ve got a lot of drawing to do. i hope tomorrow i feel better. on sunday i’m going to the movies with asher, i think. 

you know what i’m probably feeling so low energy because i didn’t eat for so long and also i haven’t slept well in two days. or, really, in a very long time, but especially the last two nights. i still need to talk to mom about finances for, like, hiring a study specialist... i don’t think we’re going to have the money to afford the psychiatrist my therapist recommended. she REALLY wants me to get a second opinion on my meds but i just don’t think it’s a big enough deal to warrant shelling out for full price psychiatrist appointments. that doctor doesn’t take insurance and it’s just... i know how expensive this gets. it’s already expensive enough getting even regular check ups for snoopy.

i hate living here... it’s so dirty and dusty and dilapidated. in my apartment i keep everything pretty orderly and don’t hold on to things i’m not using. or at least, i try not to. i don’t have enough space to hoard random stuff and i don’t get that attached to those things anyway. my mom won’t even throw out old food that nobody ate for the 3 years before it went bad (2 years ago). they’ve been using my room as a storage space while they paint the game room, but that project’s going super slow because they’ve been at it for months now. so now there’s just tons of crap stacked in front of my dresser (so i can’t actually get to the clothes i left here) and you can’t even get to my sister’s door. she’s in korea anyway i guess so that doesn’t matter as much.

ok anyway i’ve been writing for a while now. thanks for listening. i’ve got a lot more sore muscles than just my back and neck and shoulders. maybe i pulled something while sprinting around the airport yesterday, because breathing is a chore and my legs are just... not feelin it. i’m just trying really hard not to get sick. my mom came in my room and coughed all over me without even covering her mouth so it’s like, well, guess i don’t have any control over that either! 

high stakes, no control!!!!!!!!! just how i’m used to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it’s 11:40 arizona time but i know my body thinks it’s way later. i’m so tired. i don’t think i’ll be able to sleep though. guess i should try anyway.

[groundsnow]

ツイタチ

It has been three days since news about multiple burglaries and thefts at Women's Residence Hall were reported. I heard from some of my classmates that their laptops and phones were stolen as well. As odd as it seems, the criminal has not been caught yet. It's my first semester at Yokohama University, and strange things just keep happening, not to mention that the semester has just started.

I hear the sound of the key turning in the door knob. It's Horikawa. I get up from my seat and turn the stubborn knob for her. The door opens, and I'm greeted with her smiling face. "Yo." My roommate enters and gestures a two-finger salute. "Thanks." I smile back at her. She puts her black backpack on her desk then sits on her bed. I get back to my chair then face my laptop.

"Aki."

"Yes?" I answer while staring at my laptop, trying to read some news articles.

"Looks like these burglaries won't be going away soon." There's the usual pokerface, but I can sense that she's worried as well.

"Indeed. I wonder who's doing it." Silence fills the room, which is quite the signal for me to go back to what I have been doing. It's already 6 pm, a weekend, and I haven't gotten out of the dorm yet after a long day of work. Horikawa was out since yesterday and only arrived tonight.

"Aki, have you eaten?" I had to rethink what I heard. Is she asking me to eat outside?

"Not yet. I haven't left the dorm all day." I face her direction.

"You sure are hardworking. The semester has just started though." I never thought she would notice me studying all the time.

"I got lots of homework and quizzes." I smile at her. "You're too GC." She laughs a little.

"Not really." I tell her laughingly.

"Would you like to eat dinner?" She's actually asking me? Is this real?

"I want curry rice. Let's try the new curry place near the Blue Park." She looks cheerful. This is rare.

"O-okay, let's have curry." I answer then smile back at her. We get out of the dorm after a few minutes of preparing. I guess it has been a month since the semester started. I'm not really counting the days. Time passes by so quickly when busy with academics. But tonight is different because it's the first time I'll be having dinner with my roommate.

On the day of freshmen orientation, we just had a brief introduction and a short conversation. She has always seemed reserved and quiet, an air of mystery surrounding her, so I only know a few things about her.

Sena Horikawa. 16 years old. Lives in Nagoya. Psychology student. Plays the violin and piano. An anime fan. Likes wearing black hoodies and pants, has short, black bob cut hair with fringes, and is generally boyish in style. Looks just right for her age, and has a resemblance to Mirai, a popular female Japanese ikemen idol, which I noticed from the first day of our encounter.

These are some basic information I discovered when we had our introduction. I just realized that there are still a lot of things I don't know about her. Most of my friends have already gotten close with their roommates, so I kinda feel lonely. But who knows, it might be different starting tonight.

"Thank you for the food." We are both surprised that we said it at the same time. She looks at me while laughing. I laugh too. It feels strange, probably because it's rare for me to see her like this, cheerful like a child. She would always have a serious demeanor, so I have never really imagined her this way.

"Oi, why are you staring at me like that?" She says as if teasing me.

"What? Uh sorry, I was just thinking."

"Aight, eat then. Look, I'm almost done, and you haven't eaten anything." She laughs.

"Okay." I smile then start eating. Sometimes, I tend to zone out when thinking deeply.

"Horikawa, are you aware that you look like Mirai?" I ask intently. Staring at her for so long made me realize that her looks are incredibly similar to the Japanese idol than I initially thought. She can even pass as her sister.

"A lot of people have said that. I've received a lot of confessions from girls in high school because of it. Mirai used to be a member of an ikemen group, after all. They're projecting to me their affection for her." She says while finishing her plate clean. I'm actually not surprised that girls would run after her. She's charismatic after all. But I never thought she'd tell me this.

"Eh? You're so cool, Horikawa! What did you do when they confessed to you?" I exclaim. I fail to control my emotions this time. Ugh. How embarrassing. She laughs.

"Not really, I just happened to look like a popular idol." She says, waving her right hand in front of her. I'm surprised by her humility though.

"As for the confessions, I had no choice but to reject them. I'm not interested in girls." Looks can really be deceiving. Just because a girl dresses and often behaves like a guy, doesn't mean she's into girls. "Can we go get ice cream after this?" She asks. "Sure." I say while taking my last bite.

"You're a slow eater." She teases me.

"I-I guess." I laugh.

"You took so long because you were literally staring at me. I'm not Mirai, you know." She jokes.

"Un, I know." I look at her while laughing. We decide to buy ice cream at a nearby convenience store then go straight home.

"I'm too full." I say after a yawn.

"Really, you must have a small stomach." She jokes. "Maybe. I eat a little." I gesture to her.

"That's why you're so thin." She says, looking at me. "I guess. I'm just not a big eater. I would like it if I gained a little weight though." I look down on the floor.

"Meanwhile, other girls wish they were thinner. The irony." We both laugh. I turn on my laptop and bring out my notes. "Homework?" She asks.

"Yes. I have to submit a problem set on Monday." I say as I face her direction.

"So busy. It's only Saturday though." She says while typing on her laptop.

"Two days is short for this." I smile while showing her the stapled papers.

"That looks tedious." She says then walks close to me to take a look.

"MATH 13?"

"Yes." I smiled at her.

"I heard that's one of the dreaded courses freshmen have to take."

"I guess it is..." I look at my paper.

"What about you?" I ask.

"I also got homework due on Monday, but I'm gonna do them tomorrow." She says carelessly.

"Eh? Wouldn't it be a bit too rushed?" I ask.

"Nah, I'm used to it. I tend to procrastinate a lot, because if I won't, I'll miss out on life." She winks at me. No wonder a lot of girls fall for her. She's too charismatic and confident. People tend to be attracted to confidence.

"Well, you're not wrong." I say. I'm surprised by what she said, probably because it doesn't fit her character which is on my mind. Who would've thought that an enigmatic person like her would joke around and wink? Maybe she's just introverted, and is only expressive when around certain people. If that's the case, then I'm honored, I guess. She looks like a totally different person to strangers.

I start answering the math problems. She takes a shower. It's about 8 pm so I'm already sleepy. I rest my head on the desk, telling myself that I'll just rest for a bit.

"Aki." I feel something on my head.

"Hey Aki, don't sleep there. Your neck's gonna hurt." I face sideways as I slowly open my eyes. I see Horikawa patting me on the head.

"Ah I fell asleep." I say while rubbing my eyes. I slowly raise my head.

"Yeah, it's actually 8:30 pm. I just got out the shower. If you're gonna sleep, sleep on the bed and not on the desk. Your bed is just a few steps from here." She says, still standing next to me.

"Thanks, Horikawa. I still need to finish this but I'm too sleepy." I'm feeling groggy so I just close my laptop without even shutting it down and head to my bed to sleep.

"Ms. Masuda, why didn't you turn in your homework on time?" My terror professor stares at me, speaking in a serious, low tone.

"S-sir, I submitted it." I'm sweating profusely and stuttering.

"Please don't make excuses! I was clear about the rule last time: No submission, no grade."

"But sir —" Arguing with him won't go anywhere. "Aki!" I felt a strong grip on my right hand while someone called out my name. I open my eyes slowly and see Horikawa standing next to me.

"You were sleep talking, you know." She says while holding a carton of juice. She's wearing her usual black hoodie and dark jeans.

"I had a bad dream. I wasn't able to submit the homework." I say. She laughs.

"I figured. Your alarm actually went off twice already, so I woke you up. It's 9 am by the way." She says, laughing.

"What?" I can't believe that I woke up so late! I get up quickly and look for my slippers. There are lots of boots by the bed.

"And, yep. You slept on my bed last night." She says, laughing.

I feel my face heat up of embarrassment. I put my right hand on my face.

"I'm sorry. I thought I slept on my bed." I say, still covering my face.

"Nah it's fine. I knew, so I didn't wake you up and slept on your bed instead." She says.

"Thanks." I look at her, still covering my face except my eyes.

"No problem! Anyway, I have to go now. You're lucky I returned here earlier."

"Ah thanks! A-and.. Sorry. About that." I say, looking down in embarrassment."

"It's okay. Well then, I'm going ahead. Later." She makes the two-finger salute then leaves the room.

I still can't believe I slept on her bed. It was too nice of her. If it was someone else, she would probably wake me up just to let me transfer beds. Things are really strange: First, the burglaries, then my cold and aloof roommate suddenly warming up to me. My first week as a freshman student is surely filled with unexpected events. I place my hands on my face then get up.

[nyctimus]

Text symbols meme thing for Ivanpez and Talix and like lit anyone else you wanna do it for.

Set in MB:R verse!

IVANPEZ-

MORNING text.

8:03 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Hi handsome! Don’t forget you promised to meet me for brunch at that cute little bistro on main, okay?! Can’t wait to see your pretty face! 🥰

text that WASN’T SENT.

9:30 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] My mother has enough money to cover the slack for us if you just quit your job

RUSHED text.

4:45 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] I’m SOOO sooo sorry I’m running late :((( Got stuck in the goddamn metroplex traffic, swear to god I’ll move to the wilderness and abandon the city completely one day. I’ll be there soon! Promise!

DRUNK text.

3:09 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Move in with me wuit your job. I’ll quit mine. We can go somewhere nice like ...  3:12 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Whefe? Where you what to go 3:13 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Beach? We c an skinny dip every night 3:13 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Hou can buiold a nice beach hut an I will make nice curtains for it, okay?

SUGGESTIVE text.

2:57 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you insisted on wearing that skimpy little white tank to work in just to try and tempt me to tear it off of you. 

LATE NIGHT text.

1:15 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Come here. I want cuddles, and my bed is nicer than yours

HATEFUL text.

5:44 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Peter. 5:44 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you, but I promise I’ll right it. 5:49 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] What do you mean? Of course I have, why else would you have worn those atrocious, eye- searing shirts every day for the past WEEK if not to punish me? 5:51 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] What? 5:51 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you’re punishing me. 5:52 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Still too angry to tell me what I’ve done, I see. Okay. I’ll try again later.

RANDOM text.

2:32 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Gold or indigo? I can’t decide.

SCARED text.

6:45 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Hey, I thought you’d be back by now? 7:02 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Pete? 7:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Peter??? Please pick up 7:26 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Baby please

LOVING text.

10:50 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Good night, sweet boy, I hope you have the very best dreams... I know you’re nervous about tomorrow, but you shouldn’t be... you’re perfect. 10:52 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] You’ve got this. Now get some rest... don’t make me come over there 10:52 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Fine, then. See you soon

CURIOUS text.

3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] What are your favorite appetizers? Salty or sweet? Party hosting has become just a little more complicated since I started caring more about your opinion than my own. Feelings can be so pesky sometimes 😛

EXCITED text.

3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Pete!  3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Can you believe we’re leaving on our veeeery first vacation together as a couple together today? Even if it’s just a little two day getaway, I’m SO excited, I’ve been looking forward to this all week. 3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Can’t wait to have you all to myself. You may be sick of me by the time this is over. Fair warning!

ACCIDENTAL text.

1:19 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s entirely possible I’m just a way for him to pass a little time. And I’m fine with that. Obviously. Why wouldn’t I be?

HEARTBREAKING text.

1:19 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Pete? 1:24 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] My mother just died. I.... I’m packing to head home to Paris now. Can you go with me?

/ / /

TALIX-

MORNING text.

5:25 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know you’re sleeping and won’t even see this for another 6 hours or so, but if you come give me a ride home I’ll smuggle you a whole loaf of that cinnamon coffee cake you like. Please

text that WASN’T SENT.

10:17 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] How do you do it? Live like that constantly? It was a ten minute experience two months ago but I’m still having nightmares

RUSHED text.

3:59 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] K, I know Ellis would probably throw the entire knife drawer at your face if you show back up here but there are SO many drunk assholes here right now it almost seems worth it to beg you to come save me

DRUNK text.

9:42 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] U just reality want you to hold me brighttnkw 9:42 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Plea.Se. And pet my hair, Anne kiss my nose. Ok?

SUGGESTIVE text.

4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know this is fucked up, okay... 4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] And idk if it’s the full moon or what, but I can’t stop thinking about you with your gun when I’m getting off 4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Your actual gun. Not your dick, love that one too but the one you... you know what I mean  4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] The way you hold it. Your fingers. Those fucking veins in your arms, Jesus Christ

LATE NIGHT text.

1:32 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Are you okay? I know it’s silly to be afraid for you every single time the news mentions turf wars and casualties, but I worry about you. Text me when you can

HATEFUL text.

5:18 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Swear to fuck next stuck up ass businessman that walks through these doors, orders coffee and then wrinkles his nose when he tastes it is getting the whole pot poured on his fancyboy suit. Why do people come here wanting Starbucks? I’m going to scream

RANDOM text.

7:30 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] ...Pretty sure your kid is here staking me out right now. Not even subtle. Staring me down as I text this. Should I be concerned? Pretend I don’t know him? SOS

SCARED text.

4:06 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I think someone’s following me. I keep seeing the same car. At work, outside my apartment 4:07 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] In the parking lot at Krogers. What should I do? 4:08 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know if they see you it might make things worse but can you come get me? Please. I’m scared

LOVING text.

7:31 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Hey, hot stuff. I’ll be dead to the world by the time you read this but I just wanted to tell you I hope you have a good day. Kick everyone’s ass. Don’t get arrested. 💖 xo

CURIOUS text.

9:22 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] What do you have planned for Thanksgiving? My brother’s hounding me to bring you back to the farm. No pressure either way. He’s kind of a lot. I think he wants to shovel talk you, so... feel free to be busy, haha

EXCITED text.

5:48 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] You know that cat I’ve been leaving canned tuna out for for like, the last month and a half? 5:48 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] SHE CAME INSIDE 5:48 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] And killed my favorite plant, but! SHE CAME INSIDE!!!

ACCIDENTAL text.

8:57 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know you’re just worried about me, and I get that 8:57 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] But you need to fuck off. It’s none of your business, man

HEARTBREAKING text.

6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know I’m being an asshole doing this over text 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] But I’ve been trying for weeks to say it in person, and I just can’t. I look at you and it wipes everything else out of my brain 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I don’t know how to commit to a guy with a kid. 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] And I know you warned me, first thing, and I know I’m being horribly selfish 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I just. I guess I’m looking for something else. 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I’m sorry.

/ / /

DONNY/GRAHAM-

MORNING text.

7:37 am [Graham → bitchboy] it’s cold, jackass. if you’re gonna fucking leave me here to freeze by myself you could at least turn up the heat wtf 7:37 am [Graham → bitchboy] inconsiderate motherfucker

text that WASN’T SENT.

7:36 am [Graham → bitchboy] please come back, i dont sleep as well without you

RUSHED text.

6:44 pm [Graham → bitchboy] fucking setup? target expecting me so find your leak

DRUNK text & ACCIDENTAL text.

2:57 am [Graham → bitchboy] i wasfn EXPECTING him, tyler 2:57 am [Graham → bitchboy] i mean everypnoes heard of him. what an asshole he is. cause he is. but hes this asshole who owns a TEDDY BEAR 2:59 am [Graham → bitchboy] of course you won’t believe nme but im not lyin i swear it on my mams grave 3:02 am [Graham → bitchboy] and its not his sons. its his. its so cute. hes cyte. ill stab your duck if you tell anyone 3:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] duck 3:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] duck 3:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] y ouknow.  3:04 am [Graham → bitchboy] god. 3:04 am [Graham → bitchboy] its’ terinle

SUGGESTIVE text & EXCITED text.

11:52 pm [Graham → bitchboy] finally finished up here. 11:52 pm [Graham → bitchboy] eta 47 mins, have your office clear and my reward ready ;)

LATE NIGHT text.

12:02 am [Graham → bitchboy] sometimes i feel like you’re intentionally giving me the lamest possible fucking targets. wtf. i like killing bitches that will stab me back, not pushing pathetic ass grannies down the stairs while her 50 cats watch me? im picking my own files from here on out 12:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] and im bringing the cats 12:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] maybe youll think twice before pulling this shit on me again

HATEFUL text.

6:26 pm [Graham → bitchboy] you sign my paychecks. thats it. you dont get to tell me what to do outside of that. dont get it twisted just because were fucking, asshole

RANDOM text.

8:32 pm [Graham → bitchboy] idc what we do for dinner but i really want cheesecake so

CURIOUS text.

4:30 am [Graham → bitchboy] idk what you and dj usually do for holidays. should i head out? i can crash at my old room at tys, i dont mind

SCARED text & LOVING text & HEARTBREAKING text.

4:29 am [Graham → bitchboy] idk, got me good thus time. pulling over. behind sunoco on 35. dont wnna crash but you should send someone to gt rid of the folders if not my body too by rhen. too much evidence sorry 4:30 am [Graham → bitchboy] im really sorry 4:30 am [Graham → bitchboy] i love you. sorry for not telling you until now . sorry. im so sorry

[nanabeats]

Stealing a thing!

Stealing this from @a-kitsuneet-and-a-cybele, but instead just answering things down the list that I can or feel comfortable enough answering

1:Full name Alice Armstrong.

2:Age 22, last I checked

3: Fears? Mostly anxiety-related things, but something you might not expect is a fear of silence. Better dead than deaf, imo

4: 3 things I love I’mma be a dork and list @daxreythaak here. Also, music and good  food

5: 4 turns on Nope! Try again later.

6: 4 turns off Bad grammar, low intelligence, persistent clinginess,  and big egos.

7:My best friend Not answering this because it’s not a competition

8:Sexual orientation Yes.

9:My best first date Uhm. Dates? Right, people do those...

10:How tall am I 6′3

11:What do I miss Headshots. Every time. 

12:What time were I born Grammar o’clock. 3:44 AM, I think?

13:Favourite color Purple

14:Do I have a crush No, though I might go get one from the gas station. Orange sounds tasty right about now

15:Favourite quote This changes based on the day. Give me a topic, I’ll come up with something quotable for it

16:Favourite place My bed

17:Favourite food Knowing that Dax is reading this right now, General Tso’s chicken is fucking delicious

18:Do I use sarcasm? Never. Is there any other answer to this?

19:What am I listening to right now: Ga1ahad and the Scientific Witchery by Mili. @grexion just put it on in Plug. https://plug.dj/makais-shipyard

20:First thing I notice in new person: Hair

21:Shoe size Big

22:Eye color Blue with hazel flecks, or hazel with a blue ring around it. Depends on who you ask

23:Hair color? Very very brown

24:Favourite style of clothing? Simple.

25:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “R”? No/

27:Meaning behind my URL I wanted Foxy-thoughts but it was taken. Also foxes. And thoughts. And personal blog. Pretty self explanitory

28:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “M”? Teeeeeeeeeechnically?

29:Favourite song: At the moment, Zenmajikake no Kami wa Kaku Katakiri by Automata Girl. If I haven’t posted it yet, I will tomorrow

30:Favourite band: Depends on the day, but Alstroemeria, Shibayan, and RD-Sounds are my top three

31:How I feel right now? On a scale of 1-10? Ask Ana mains how they feel about onetrick Genjis stuck in low Silver, and convert that to a number. 

32:Someone I love: Already tagged @daxreythaak

33:My current relationship status Taken by ^

34:My relationship with my parents? FUCK NO

35:Favourite holiday: yule/Winter Solstice 

36:Tattoos and piercing i have: None

37:Tattoos and piercing i want: None

38:The reason I joined Tumblr: Long story short, @the-cursed-swordsman is a fucking cool blog.

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? Normally? No. Presently? Fucking pissed at him for something that happened an hour ago

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? The latter, occasionally

41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? EW NO! She has 44 years on me and I could go on for ages ranting about why that’s a bad idea

42:When did I last hold hands? Either this morning, 8:30 AM or last night, 8:00 PM

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Depends on how long I’m given. On a day where I have nothing to do? Three to five hours. Emergency? Three to five seconds, depending on how quickly I can get my legs over the edge of the bed 

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No

45:Where am I right now? Work

46:If I were drunk &; can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? The morgue. I don’t drink.

47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable. Normally.

48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I’d murder the former and the latter hasn’t been in my life for twelve years now. Thank god. No.

49:Am I excited for anything? POP|CULTURE 6, Alstroemeria Records

50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

51:How often do I wear a fake smile? Nope!

52:When was the last time I hugged someone? Today, 9-ish AM

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I’d be confused as hell...

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Probably

55:What is something I disliked about today? Everything but Plug and so far, this list

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Nah, I’m content as I am

57:What do I think about most? Anxiety things!

58:What’s my strangest talent? I guess I can kick myself in the face if I want to? Don’t ask how I learned that or where I got a prize for it?

59:Do I have any strange phobias? Silence

60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind.

61:What was the last lie I told? “Fine, I won’t drag you into this discussion”.

62:Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Chatting online. I hate phone calls.

63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? If they exist, they exist. If they eventually matter, they eventually matter.  However, they do not matter to me at this moment, therefore they are not something I am concerned with

64:Do I believe in magic? To an extent

65:Do I believe in luck? Aye

66:What’s the weather like right now? Cloudy

67:What was the last book I’ve read? The Iron Druid Chronicles book two, Hexed, I think?

68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? No?

69:Do I have any nicknames? Plenty

70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Rolled my ankle once. Hurt worse than the road rash from ditching my bike when a car cut me off, so probably more severe. I don’t get injured. I get sick.

71:Do I spend money or save it? Spend...

72:Can I touch my nose with a tounge? With someone else’s, yes

73:Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Grammar. And no.

74:Favourite animal? DO YOU HAVE TO ASK?

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Getting ready for bed. The night before that? Talking to people

76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Zhou.

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7xai5u_tnk

78:How can you win my heart? Nope!

79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Something that other people will see as fitting

80:What is my favorite word?

81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83:Do I have any relatives in jail?

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

86:What is my current desktop picture? I have entire folder of these that I could share sometime if anyone wants me to.

87:Had sex? Yes

88:Bought condoms? Yes

89:Gotten pregnant? No

90:Failed a class? Only once, when sabotaged by my mother. I was still one of the best students in that class

91:Kissed a boy? Aye

92:Kissed a girl? Yup

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? I think so?

94:Had job? Kinda

95:Left the house without my wallet? Who needs a wallet when you’re broke?

96:Bullied someone on the internet? Yes

97:Had sex in public? Kinda

98:Played on a sports team? No

99:Smoked weed? Not actively, though my stepdad was a dealer and the house always smelled of it

100:Did drugs? HELL no

101:Smoked cigarettes? Nope

102:Drank alcohol? Kinda, leaning no.

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No.

104:Been overweight? Aye

105:Been underweight? No

106:Been to a wedding? Once

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Frequently

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? When younger

109:Been outside my home country? Yes

110:Gotten my heart broken? Kinda?

111:Been to a professional sports game? Twice

112:Broken a bone? No

113:Cut myself? Never intentionally. I’ve cut myself ON things, but I’ve never self-harmed

114:Been to prom? And hated the picture from it

115:Been in airplane? No

116:Fly by helicopter? No

117:What concerts have I been to? I’d rather not...

118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? What part of “Sexuality? Yes.” do you not get? Yes.

119:Learned another language? Partially

120:Wore make up? Yes

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? No, actually

122:Had oral sex? Yes

123:Dyed my hair? It would kill me

124:Voted in a presidential election? No, the only one that I’ve been old enough to vote in was the most recent one, and at that point I was stuck in legal limbo between two counties and couldn’t get to where I was registered

125:Rode in an ambulance? No

126:Had a surgery? Not yet

127:Met someone famous? Kinda?

128:Stalked someone on a social network? Kinda

129:Peed outside? Yes

130:Been fishing? Yes

131:Helped with charity? Yes

132:Been rejected by a crush? Kinda? But not really.

133:Broken a mirror? Yes

134:What do I want for birthday? A “my” in this question. Also for people not to pay attention to it. Or maybe a new laptop would be nice

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Five. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. Never. And Fat Chance. Really though, please no kids

136:Was I named after anyone? No

137:Do I like my handwriting? No

138:What was my favourite toy as a child? I don’t remember

139:Favourite Tv Show? Presently? Rick and Morty, though I watch it online.

140:Where do I want to live when older? Somewhere peaceful

141:Play any musical instrument? No

142:One of my scars, how did I get it? Set my hand on a broken mirror.

143:Favourite pizza toping? Topping. Bacon?

144:Am I afraid of the dark? No

145:Am I afraid of heights? Kinda?

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Gotten caught? Almost. Once. Though it wasn’t “bad”, per-se. My mother walked into my room unannounced during my first ever orgasm. That was... Interesting. She still doesn’t know about this.

147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Aye

148:What I’m really bad at: Lots of things

149:What my greatest achievments are

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I don’t really hold on to things like that

151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery Invest

152:What do I like about myself: Well, I’m a fairly influential person when I choose to be, and I’m fairly good at pulling through tough spots

153:My closest Tumblr friend Not a contest, so not answering

154:Something I fantasise about: [REDACTED]