#so i tend to wait for any hype to die down before i get into a thing

[mattcraft]

So so sorry for this but

Finally listened to lovejoy bc of how much phil has been hyping up “portrait of a blank slate”

Very good YesYes

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

The Boss From Hell

Summary: After Hell rose up under the rule of Boyking Sam and took over the earth, the reader has found herself working for Hell Corp and trying to be as productive an employee as possible to save herself from death. When she gets a call to meet with Sam himself though, he has a new job for her, one involving seducing his demon brother...

Pairing: Demon!Dean x reader

Word Count: 3,700ish

Warnings: language, threats, smut, angst

A/N: Enjoy!

_______

“Y/N. Sam would like to see you in his office,” said your boss, Todd. You swallowed, frozen in your seat. “Sweetie the longer you take the bigger odds he kills more slowly.”

“Right,” you said with a nod. “Um I’m almost wrapped up with the Johnson file but it’s final touches on the charts if you can do that after I’m, you know, dead.”

“Of course. I look forward to working together with you as a demon again,” he said. You swallowed and stood, Todd smiling. “All you humans are always so concerned about that. Trust me, this is better.”

“Looking forward...to it,” you said as you left your cubicle. Todd rubbed your shoulder before you went down the hall and out to the elevators. You were barely able to press the button down without shaking like a leaf. The doors shut quickly and you went down to the ground floor, quickly rushing over to a pair of large wooden doors where two demons in suits waited outside. They opened the doors for you and you forced yourself to step into the room.

It was no office. It had a lone chair and smelled faintly of blood. The doors shut behind you and you felt a presence close by.

“Y/N, isn’t it?” said Sam, his voice coming from directly to your right. He had a dark smile on his face as he walked in front of you.

“Yes sir,” you said as you lowered your head. He leaned down to get at your height and you shut your eyes.

“You think I’m going to kill you?” he asked. You nodded once and he laughed. “Well I do have a habit of doing that to most humans that come in here. I hear good things about you. Your bosses take credit for all of your work naturally but I know who puts in the long hours and does the real work. I’m quite impressed.”

“Thank you sir,” you said. He grabbed your chin and you looked up, Sam smiling back at you.

“I also know that you used your job here to help your human family. I don’t mind a rule broken here or there. You do work for Hell after all,” he said. He dropped your face and straightened himself up. “I’d like to promote you.”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you, sir,” you said. Sam smirked and you frowned.

“This isn’t an office job. You’re familiar with the resistance group known as W?” he asked. You nodded, used to seeing them all over the news. “My brother leads it. He’s...annoying. I’ve struggled to get a mole into his group for years. I feel as though you might be the one to help me change that.”

“Sir?”

“I want you to go undercover and gather intelligence for me.”

“Sir I thought…” you trailed off as he stared at you.

“Speak your mind. This only works if you tell me everything after all,” he smiled. You swallowed and nodded.

“I thought your brother was...a demon. A Knight of Hell,” you said.

“He is. He’s my second in command which is precisely why I want you to substantiate these rumors for me. Use any means necessary. Sex tends to work with him,” he said.

“You want me to have sex with a demon?” you asked, Sam releasing a booming laugh.

“Oh you’re so adorable. I want you to do whatever the fuck you have to in order to get close. The demon version of him is a little...slutty so use that to your advantage,” he said.

“Okay?” you said.

“You’re dismissed,” he said. He started to walk away and you opened your mouth. “Do not make me ask twice.”

You quickly left and went back to your cubicle, Todd surprised to see you still alive and human.

“Hey! You didn’t die! That’s good! Was this about the promotion I mentioned for you,” he smiled. “I bet it was.”

“Yeah,” you said wit a nod. “I um, got a promotion. I’m not working under you anymore though. Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s alright kid. You’re gonna do great things in upper management,” he said. “You mind finishing up that last report for me before you go?”

“Yeah, sure thing, Todd.”

You sighed as you stepped in front of your closet mirror that night. Sam had texted you some more information on Dean. You weren’t to come into work anymore unless he asked you to. You were a simple human now that had plenty of cash and resources and didn’t give a fuck about anything.

You spun around and winced at the shirt you had on. The backless shirt you had on. The last time you’d worn it was on a girls night to the club and you’d had an amazing time. But that was fun and a simple little backseat quickie with a handsome guy. This felt like you were selling your body.

“If I don’t go, he’s gonna torture me and kill me. If I do...I might get really hot sex and I might get to be safe from bad shit. Okay. Okay. I’m having sex with a demon tonight. I can’t believe I just said that but it’s happening. Okay. Here we go. Let’s do this. Let us do this,” you said, making a face. “Ah, why’d I have to be good at my job. Fuck.”

You took a deep breath and put on a pair of five inch heels, hair and makeup already done.

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” you said as you headed out to the club known for hosting demons.

“Two shots of vodka and an old fashioned,” you said at the bar thirty minutes later. The demon behind the bar nodded and you felt the eyes on your back. Lots and lots of black eyes in meat suits on your back. You threw back the shots once you got them, chugging the old fashioned before you got another.

“Rough day, princess?” asked a demon in a suit. He ran a finger up your spine and you narrowed your eyes.

“I don’t think princess said to touch,” said a voice. You turned your head and recognized the red shirt immediately. Dean Winchester, Knight of Hell and Sam’s righthand man. “Get lost.”

The demon took off and you got your drink, sipping it slowly as Dean came to lean back against the bar next to you.

“You know this is a demon bar, don’t you, sweetheart?” he asked.

“I ain’t your sweetheart. Sweetheart,” you said. You drank half your glass before you set it down. He smirked and picked it up, finishing it off. “That was mine.”

“I’ll buy you another one,” he said. He waved his finger and two shots of brown liquor were in front of you quickly. “You want to have tonight sweetheart?”

“Oh, you might be the Knight of Hell but I ain’t your typical girl,” you said. You took your shot in your hand and he smirked as he picked his up.

“I’ve heard it before. Let’s see if you live up to the hype,” he said. “Cheers.”

“Cheers, demon boy,” you said, clanking your glasses together.

“Another round. I like this one.”

“I said down,” you growled thirty minutes later in the room above the bar. You bit at his neck and rolled your hips, Dean thrusting up into you as you sucked his skin hard. “I. Said. Stay. The. Fuck. Still.”

He groaned as he released himself in you, your walls squeezing him, his tip hitting your g-spot and giving you a nice, deep orgasm. You kissed his marked up skin as you moved a few more times, smirking as you sat up. His hickey disappeared and he smiled, laughing to himself.

“Wow. You are not like other human girls,” he said. 

“Demon or not, a bottom loves an in charge top,” you said. “Now I think it’s time you cleaned up the mess you made.”

You slid off of him and crawled up the bed, settling yourself over his face. He immediately starting eating you out, his tongue swirling and diving deep. You came quickly and he licked up your juices until you were sure there was nothing left.

“Good demon,” you said as you rolled off of him. He sat up on his elbows as you walked over to get dressed.

“Y/N,” he said. You tensed. You hadn’t told him your name. You looked over your shoulder and his smile seemed...sad almost. “Marcy’s 30th birthday. You went out with your friends. We uh, we had some fun in my car.”

“Blue flannel guy,” you said as it came back to you. “Wait, were you a demon-”

“No,” he chuckled darkly. “That improvement came later. Something about you in that shirt I can’t resist apparently, human or demon.”

“I live in town if you’re ever…”

“Looking for a fuck?” he asked. “I don’t have too hard of a time getting those.”

“There’s a difference between a fuck and a good fuck. How am I batting so far?” you winked.

“Two for two,” he said with a smirk. “Why’s a nice human girl like you in a place like this? I remember the hot sex. I remember the backseat cuddling too.”

“The demons are in charge, Dean. Hell won. I want to be on the winning side of this thing. You guys tend to fuck better too so there’s that.”

“The boyking is in charge. He’s the one to worry about,” he said.

“Isn’t he your boss?”

“I suppose. Change the guy’s diapers and this is how I’m repaid. Fucking vice president of this shit hole,” he said. 

“Well, you’re hotter,” you said.

“He’d kill you for that you know. I should kill you for insulting him like that,” he said.

“Okay,” you said. He got out of bed and you stared up at him when he walked in front of you. “You’re still hotter.”

“He gets a lot of credit for being smart. Most everyone’s always thought he was more intelligent. I mean how obvious was he trying to send a mole after me?” he said. You didn’t move a muscle and Dean brushed your hair behind your ear. “Your only give away was getting out of bed and not trying to cuddle. I can’t blame you for that.”

“There’s no point in me trying to lie, is there,” you said.

“No, not really,” he said. 

“Please kill me quickly,” you said. You shut your eyes and swallowed. “Please.”

“I think you’re going to come home with me and we’ll decide the answer to that. Get dressed. Now.”

Twenty minutes later Dean was leading you by the arm into a relatively normal looking home. He cut through the house and over to a kitchen table, dragging a chair out and setting it in the middle of the room. You sat down, Dean grabbing another one and swiveling it around to face you. He straddled it and sat down, lifting up a finger. He pointed it at you and curled it, your arms tight by your side.

“Understand?” he said. You nodded and the pressure came off of you. You set your hands in your lap, Dean looking you up and down. “I can’t blame you. Your options were agree to be a mole or death. It’s not really a choice at that point. He kills his loyal followers most slowly too I’m sure you’ve heard.”

You stared at him and he smiled.

“How about we come to a...similar agreement,” he said. You shut your eyes and he chuckled.

“You feed Sammy whatever information I tell you to and I will allow you to continue to live,” he said.

“Not much choice there either,” you said quietly.

“Do you know where he gets his powers from? Demon blood. Guess who’s blood he likes the most,” said Dean. He wiped his thumb over his forearm and you saw a scar appear. “I am sick of being his blood bank.”

“It keeps you weak, doesn’t it,” you said. “It’s why he does it. It’s why you haven’t challenged him.”

“Perceptive aren’t you,” he said. You knew he respected strength and you were valuable to him now. You stood up and he watched you carefully. You walked past him and felt a pressure keeping your arms by your sides but that was it. You could move forward, you could turn your head.

“You’re more than weak,” you said. He growled but you took a step forward and another, only stopping when his hand caught your arm. “I find it hard to imagine that the Knight of Hell gets that much power zapped when some blood gets taken from him. You’re weaker than the lowest level demon.”

“He did something to me. Now who’s side do you think I’m on? Demons? Or yours?”

“What’d he do.” He rolled his eyes and you shrugged him off. “Maybe I can help.”

“I am barely demon. He made me harmless. I keep him fed and that’s all I am anymore. He thought I was going to fuck him over. Well his big fuck up was nearly changing me back. Fuck him and fuck the demons. I’m gonna be in charge.”

“Are you going to end the world or just play dirty in it?” you asked. He smirked and raised his chin.

“You know I’m not as bad as him. I’m the lesser of two evils. You...want to help me. Oh, that’s even better than I thought. Shit, I could turn you in and probably get him to back off of me,” he said. You held your ground and he nodded. “Good. You know I was bluffing.”

“We can help each other,” you said. He rested a hand on your hip and gave it a squeeze. “I’m not your personal slut.”

“Understood. No reason we can’t indulge in a little fun while we work together though,” he said. He moved his hand aside and nodded. “I assume you want something for this.”

“What?”

“What do you want? Money? Power?”

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Everyone is always so afraid of what the demons will do to us. If you’re in charge, you and the other demons can play in our world but this is a human world again. Understand?”

“If my brother goes bye bye, Hell will go back to as it was. I swear on my soul,” he smirked.

“Alright then,” you said. 

“Well, now that we got the dirty talk out of the way, how about I make you come screaming my name again?”

“How about you go upstairs, edge yourself and tomorrow when I come back, maybe I’ll be nice and let you get off,” you said. 

“As you wish,” he said. “Don’t bother locking up. Nobody steals from us.”

“Dean,” you said as he headed upstairs. “Don’t fuck me over on this.”

“He’s not Sam anymore. I like you a hell of a lot more than him right now,” he said. “Wear something you don’t mind me tearing to shreds when you come by tomorrow.”

“We’ll see, demon boy.”

You swallowed as you followed Dean up to his bedroom the next night. You’d spent the day researching and understood what Sam had done to make him barely demon as he put it. One more shot of the right kind of blood and he’d be human.

“Y/N,” said Dean as he stepped aside and you saw a large bed. He grabbed your clutch and opened it, frowning when he pulled out the syringe of blood. “What exactly were you going to do with this? I thought we had an understanding.”

“You can help me. If you’re human then I know for sure you’re-”

“If I’m human, he knows it’s me. He knows it’s you. He’ll destroy us both. I am so much more valuable as a demon and this? This causes trust issues, sweetheart.” He snapped the syringe in his hand and you tried to take a step back, Dean slamming the door shut with his finger. “Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m in charge and if you don’t like that, too fucking bad. Understand?”

“Yes,” you said. He walked until your back hit the door, a dark smile on his face as he peered down at you. 

“Now how about-Fuck!” he shouted as you stabbed the syringe from your back pocket into his leg. You ran past him and over to a bathroom door, Dean falling down to the floor and clutching his body. He passed out and you looked around, Dean coming around quicker than you were expecting. You ran over and took out the pair of restraints from your pocket and put them on his wrists. Dean groaned as you tugged them taught and stepped back. He got up to his knees, black eyes staring at you that dissipated into deep green ones. 

He shook his head out and took a few breaths, squeezing his eyes shut momentarily.

“Y/N? From the car?” he said. He looked around and down at his wrists. “What the hell is going on?”

“You don’t remember a thing?” you asked. He shook his head and swallowed. “What do you remember?”

“Sammy was...that can’t be real,” he said. “None of that is real.”

“Dean, your brother is the boyking of Hell and he rules not only Hell but earth too,” you said. He shook his head and you stepped closer. “You were a demon. I turned you human just now. Sam made you demon but kept you only kinda demon I guess for your blood. You sounded like you wanted to help and I’m sorry but you were too dangerous as a demon to work with.”

“What do you mean boyking?” asked Dean. You sighed and pulled out your phone, Dean’s breath hitching as you showed him the articles about your demon overlords. “This can’t be happening.”

“It is. I need your help. I know you hunted monsters. I need you to hunt this monster down with me.”

“You mean my brother,” said Dean. You nodded and leaned down, Dean holding out his hands. “Let me go. Please.”

“Are you going to tell Sam?” you asked.

“You have no idea what you just did,” he said. “This mark? On my arm? Eventually, I’m gonna lose it and I’m gonna kill anything in my way.”

“Then we get it off.”

“There is no getting it off. The only way to get it off is if somebody else takes it from me,” he said. “You can’t trust me as a human.”

“Are you kidding me? I just risked my life to save you.” He sighed and snapped the plastic ties, shakily getting to his feet. You stepped back and he held up a hand.

“We got some time before I go ballistic. Probably a few months. If we can get this thing off my arm...somehow...we might have a chance.”

“Then let’s get that off your arm,” you said. He nodded and smiled at you. “What?”

“I always had a good feeling about you was all. Let’s get out of-” he said as you heard a creak down the hall. You both looked out the bedroom door and saw Sam there.

“Y/N, Y/N...I should have known you’d be drawn to him. Now I have to kill him,” said Sam.

“Sammy, don’t,” said Dean, Sam suddenly by his side and snapping something. Dean dropped to the floor and you backed into a wall.

“Give him a minute. He’ll wake up all demon again real soon. This time, he’ll do as told,” said Sam. “He’s very...pliable when he first comes into his new life.”

“Pliable my ass,” said Dean as he yanked Sam down to the floor. Sam grunted and you dove into the bathroom, a lot of smashing and crashing going on in the bedroom. It went quiet and you swallowed when you heard footsteps. You looked up, Dean staring down at you, his eyes narrowed. “You followed the plan very well. I knew Sam was watching and he did exactly as expected.”

“Is he dead?” you asked.

“No. He’s going to detox now and when he’s done, he’ll be a simple little human,” said Dean. “As for our, arrangement...your family and friends are safe. Demon corp is no more.”

“Okay,” you said with a nod, wondering how the hell you were going to help either one of them now. Sam sounded like he was screwed but you knew deep down it wasn’t his fault. He was manipulated and you couldn’t blame him for that entirely. Dean, well him you just needed some blood and then you’d have time to get the mark off of him.

“Pack a bag,” he said. You raised an eyebrow and smirked as he squatted down. “I like loyalty. You’re loyal to me, aren’t you, Y/N?”

“I’m still not your slut,” you said.

“Didn’t say you were,” he said. “And I said pack a bag.”

“Why?”

“Because you just gave me Hell. I’m gonna give you whatever you want as my second in command.”

“Excuse me?”

“I feel like this is going to be the start of a great relationship, sweetheart,” he said as he flashed you a wink. “Don’t you? I’ll be by your place in an hour whether you’re ready or not.”

He walked out and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes.

“Well shit.”

________

[nettlestonenell]

(above, an unpopular opinion?--if so, the first of many)

The King: Eternal Monarch Catches Plenty of Hate Online Why That Is, And Why You Should Ignore It Part I

(to be posted in several parts, spoilers possible, but will be limited)

Subjects of the Kingdom, Citizens of the Republic, and (as always) Gentle Readers:

If you’ve spent any amount of time searching The King: Eternal Monarch, Lee Min Ho, Kim Go Eun, or various other adjacent topics online since 2020, the fact that Kdrama The King: Eternal Monarch is more likely to be associated with negative coverage rather than positive, is far from news to you.

Just the other day, @dumbassdictionarysds popped into my DMs and asked if I might have a post in me to explain what I thought the roots of this heated rejection of the show might be.

“I was thinking of making a video on TKEM and its criticisms and why people didn't like it and why I liked it,” they wrote, “I would really appreciate if you could give some insight into what common criticisms you saw and what you thought of them.” 

It should come as no surprise at this point that, as someone showed up wanting to talk about--and hear about--TKEM that my responding was an absolute no-brainer, and a welcome moment of elation.

As we dive in, let me give two (sorta three) shout-outs to places I’ve read meta for TKEM, whose thoughts on the matter and the show have no doubt helped shaped my own opinions and understanding of it: bitchesoverdramas.com and thefangirlverdict.com, with a nod to TKEM’s Wikipedia page as well. For the record (because it seems it might prove germane here) I am neither Korean nor have I/do I live in Korea (nor the Kingdom of Corea, for that matter).

Okay. Many people (perhaps most people?—at least online fan people) really, really have issues with TKEM. Writer Kim Eun Sook’s shows, while generally well received by fandom and critics, are no strangers to occasional controversy-- particularly of her two most recent dramas available through Netflix, Mr. Sunshine and The King: Eternal Monarch. 

Research seems to show that KES tends toward being something of a polarizing figure in fandom. Those that love her don’t just love her a little, but will die on this hill, and those who dislike what she does can really, really, REALLY, not stand it (and are also ready to die on that hill). 

That’s a lot of people camped out, ready to die on their respective hills. For every person that thinks Goblin is the greatest kdrama ever filmed, there is a person ready and waiting to dismember Heirs’ Kim Tan.

No one should be surprised that KES’ new show would prove polarizing.

So let’s get down to business. Why all the hate?

Expectations Deliberately and Consistently Subverted

Was this Lee Min Ho’s Regarding Henry-moment?

WRT TKEM, let’s start with the elephant/top star in the room: stratospheric Hallyu star Lee Min Ho’s return to viewers’ screens following his two year absence due to mandatory military service (and removal from public life). 

There is a weight added, then, to fans’ expectations for the show. It’s not just LMH’s next project, it becomes his MOST IMPORTANT project, his ONLY new project. (Since 2016′s The Legend of the Blue Sea, I believe).

Don’t ask me to react to this photo. I’ve been processing its existence for months now, no conclusions to share yet in sight.

These are fans of Boys Over Flowers’ Goo Joon Pyo, of Heirs’ (also by KES) Kim Tan. These are die-hard viewers who know how they like to consume their LMH on-screen. But KES (and LMH, b/c he’s actually spoken directly to this) aren’t interested in handing out on-brand LMH anymore. Therefore, his Corean King/Emperor Lee Gon is much more in line with the mature, controlled, focused and kind Joseon magistrate Dam Ryeong (from The Legend of the Blue Sea) than the out-of-touch disaster boy chaebols like GJP and KT that rocketed him to global stardom and notoriety.

For instance, TKEM has its hero Lee Gon (LMH) experiencing an epiphany moment of actually understanding and feeling deep empathy for what the female lead is going through—an understanding and an emotion that that utterly evades both GJP and KT (and let’s face it, the majority of kdrama male leads) throughout their entire series.

Do people perhaps hate on LMH in TKEM just as they hated Harrison Ford’s attempt in Regarding Henry to choose projects that artistically interested and challenged him but were found NOT to interest movie goers that rather wanted to see (what they expected from) “a Harrison Ford film”? Is it that viewers wanted to watch (what they expected from) a LMH kdrama?

Had the character of Lee Gon been written and performed as more of a GJP-role would the show’s reception have been more robust and less controversial?

Thankfully, for this viewer, we’ll never have to know.

You cannot truly address LMH’s return to screens without bringing up TKEM episode one, and the way the writing chose to handle what surely had been incredibly hyped in Korean media (LMH’s return). 

Does LMH storm the screen in the first moments, triumphant? Is his face the first thing we see? Not even close. The show begins in a muddle for viewers, not sure where we are or what’s going on. And then it…doesn’t do much to clear that up. [more on that in a later section] 

Essentially, the show begins in a police interrogation room, during a scene that actually takes place in the penultimate episode of the show. It then proceeds to a seminal event that happened 25 years BEFORE the main timeframe the show operates in. 

Neither of these things involve a visible LMH. IN FACT, it is more than 37 minutes into the first episode before he’s acting on-screen. [Yes, I know he’s shown in a 10 second lightning flash right before the show’s 4 minute mark—but that’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, and barely even counts as an amuse-bouche.]

When we do see LMH as the grown Lee Gon (a child actor having portrayed him for the prior 37 minutes), if a viewer is holding entitled golden boys GJP and KT in their mind, it changes their potential reading of Lee Gon’s entire introduction to us as king. The humorous sniping between him and Court Lady Noh over getting married and producing an heir might take on a (misinterpreted) nasty edge, if one is predisposed to expect LMH to portray an temper-tantrum-throwing male character of great wealth whose character arc is to redeem him from his bratty nature through finding the love of an average good woman [Hint: that’s not at all what’s going on here.]--if that’s what a viewer showed up for, they’re going to have those expectations disappointed. And if they can’t shed them, they are going to hate this show.

...to be continued in Part II  “Subtitles? More like Sub-par-titles“

[pparkerpoetry]

Face Reality (Part 12)

Title: Secrets Fester (but they aren’t the only things that grow)

Summary: Tommy's hybrid half urges him to seek out his family. Sam is hiding something, but they don't know what. Tubbo learns about a part of himself he didn't know existed and is reminded of his past.

Part One

Part Thirteen

Masterlist

___________

Tommy woke up last a few days later to a soft trilling in the corners of his mind. He groaned- it was his turn for a thin day, apparently. He wasn’t surprised, he’d read that families tended to group their days close together. 

 He sat up and sighed. His thin days were always embarrassing, his stupid little bird brain always wanted to spend time with his family, and constantly wanted cuddles. Tommy didn’t want cuddles.

 Yes you do.

 Tommy huffed. No, he didn’t want cuddles. He wanted to get through the day without getting teased. Maybe he could just stay in his room all day. Yes, that was a good idea.

 Make a nest? His mind asked, getting excited.

 He rolled his eyes. Okay, maybe he could make a nest. That was relatively normal, right? His hands moved to grasp the blankets and shape them into a sort of circling wall, with enough space in the middle for him to curl up underneath his wings. He ignored the happy cooing that his mind wanted to release- he couldn’t just chirp and trill, that’d bring noise, and noise meant someone coming in, which meant embarrassment. He didn’t want that.

 Flock, The bird in him trilled sadly. Where’s your flock?

 “Busy,” Tommy grumbled, moving a wing to cover his face. “So shut the fuck up.”

 He stayed there, keeping the sounds at bay, for a long time. Too long.

 There was a knock at the door. “Hey, Tommy?” Ranboo asked. “Are you alright? It’s almost noon, and you never sleep in this long.”

 Tommy opened his mouth to say he was fine, but a distressed chirp escaped instead. He winced, hoping Ranboo didn’t hear it.

 “Uh, pardon?” Ranboo chuckled a little. “Can I come in?”

 He wanted to say no. But the part that wanted to say no was overpowered by his bird brain. Literally. “Yes.” He sighed reluctantly.

 When he walked in, Ranboo immediately spoke. “Aww, Tommy, is it a thin day?”

 He nodded miserably, forgetting that his wing was covering his face. 

 “Aw, Tommy, come on, most of us are in the living room.”

 His stupid bird sounds made him give out a happy trill, and then he cut it off with a grumble. “They’re gonna tease me.”

 Flock? Flock? 

 Ranboo lifted Tommy’s wing and stared at his face. “If I make them promise you aren’t going to say anything, will you come out? It’s not healthy to suppress this.”

 Tommy sighed. “Fine. But they need to promise to not take any photos for blackmail.”

 Ranboo left the room, which his mind didn’t like, but he sucked it up. Eventually, Ranboo came back and beckoned Tommy to follow him.

 When they got to the living room, he frowned. “Where’s Dad?”

 Flock? Where is the flock? Why is it not complete?

 “Prison.” Purpled sighed. “Something about making sure the prisoner didn’t die.”

 “That’s okay though,” Tubbo smiled. “We’re here! We’re enough, right?”

 Tommy’s frown deepened. “I guess.” He went over and flopped on top of whoever was on the couch. He wasn’t sure who, but someone started preening his wings and he let out a happy sigh that morphed into a purr. 

 All of them remained close to the living room for most of the morning, taking turns being near Tommy since his body radiated warmth and the house tended to be a bit colder (which didn’t make a whole lot of sense, since Sam liked warmth, but..). 

 Sam came back a little after lunch. 

 “What took you so long?” Fundy drawled, head hanging off of the couch and feet dangling over the back. “You got a secret girlfriend?”

 Sam had been drinking some water, and nearly spit it out. He was content to stick with choking on it, instead. “No,” He said weakly. “Nope, no girlfriend here. I just had a weird conversation with Dream and had to think about it a bit.”

 Everyone squinted at Sam for a moment, but Tommy interrupted by barreling into him. “Hi, dad.”

 “Hey, Tommy,” Sam smiled. “Your turn, huh?”

 Tommy chirped a bit, burrowing his head into Sam’s chest and letting his wings circle them both.

 “Who’s the clingy one now?” Tubbo mused from a chair. “Hint, it’s not me.”

 ________

 Sam was having an odd day. He hadn’t been lying when he said he’d gone to the prison, but Dream was being weird.

________

 “So, how’d those hybrid hunters end up?” Dream asked nonchalantly. 

 Sam turned. He was just about to leave, but… “You knew they were coming? And you didn’t warn us? I have the emergency contact button for a reason, Dream.”

 Dream chuckled. “I knew you wouldn’t have your device on, since you exploded, and well, I couldn’t be bothered to reach anyone else by now. Haven’t you learned, Sam, that I just don’t care?”

 Sam glared at him. “You’re lucky my boys took care of them. Tubbo and Purpled could’ve been killed, since humans are no use to the hunters.”

 “Humans?” Dream laughed again, before realizing Sam was serious. “Sam, no one on this server is completely human. I made sure of it.”

 “What?” Sam shook his head. “You’re saying they’re hybrids, too?”

 Dream was quiet. “I’ve already helped you enough. I think you’ve gotta give me something in return, if you want more.”

 “Alright. Be like that, then. See you next week.” Sam sighed, leaving the prison. His brain was muddled with thoughts.

 When were Tubbo and Purpled going to show their true colors? What hybrids were they? Was Dream even telling the truth?

 __________

 And, well… He took a detour before he got home, sure, but he hadn’t been lying when he said he didn’t have a girlfriend… but it felt weird keeping a secret, even if he’d been keeping it for a while.

 He had Tommy to think about before tonight… would he be able to leave the house? Tommy seemed pretty attached. 

 The day went by okay after he got home, to be fair. There was one incident where Tommy tried to get on top of the fridge to divebomb everyone since he was too tired to fly up, but Sam got him down. 

 Having a relatively tame Tommy was a nice change, but it was odd. Sam kinda wanted his energised son back, even if he was a little annoying at times. 

 At any rate, he’d made some half put together excuse as to why he needed to leave for the night, and planned on leaving through a hidden back door connected to his room once he was ready. He looked in the mirror and scrunched his face up. He hated wearing suits. He was more a sweatshirt type of guy, or he wore his mask when he was working, but never suits. Why was he doing this again?

 He patted down his- jacket? He wasn’t sure what it was called, but he straightened it (some part of his brain snorted at that), then fiddled with his tie.

 The door burst open before he could stop it, and then it was just Sam, in a fancy suit, staring at Tommy, both looking like deer in headlights.

 “Where you going, big man?” Tommy asked, less clingy than this morning as his human side was taking back more control. 

 Sam winced. He couldn’t lie to Tommy, even if he wanted to. Not directly. “I’ve uh, I’ve got a date.”

 Tommy lit up. “No kidding? Who’s the lucky lady?”

 “I’m gonna refrain from answering that.” Sam chuckled nervously. “Are you going to be alright while I’m gone?”

 “Are you crazy? We gotta tell the others so we can hype you up, and then we’re gonna meet our new mom!” (Sam didn’t know it, but Tommy’s mind was spamming flock)

 Sam’s eyes widened. “No, no, no, Tommy, I don’t think that’s a good idea-”

 It was too late. Tommy had already run down the hall, and Sam barely had time to sit down on his bed before the entire herd of his sons came barreling back, outraged that Sam had kept such a momentous secret from them.

 “Are you nervous?” Tubbo asked, towards the back of the group.

 Sam shrugged, “I mean, yeah, but-”

 Fundy grinned. “It’s gonna go great, dad. You’ve got nothing to worry about, she’s going to love you.”

 Sam cringed, “I, uh, I’m sure she will?”

 “Yeah! That’s the spirit!” Tommy cheered. “On the other hand, can we go meet her? I promise we won’t be weird.”

 “Can you promise that?” Ranboo teased. “But yeah, can we?”

 Sam sighed. “I mean, I guess,”

 “Do we have to put on suits?” Purpled complained, “Cause if we have to, I don’t wanna go.”

 “No,” Sam said, putting his head into his hands. “You don’t have to put on a suit.”

 “Hey hey hey,” Tommy said, sitting next to Sam on his bed, “Now is not the time to be sad. You are going on a date with a woman, and that is Pogchamp. Now is a time to celebrate. Let’s go, you’re going to be late, and you can’t be late if you’re going to absolutely win her over like I know you are.”

 “Thank guys,” Sam said, and he meant it a little. Now he had something to worry about other than his date. “You’re right, let’s go.”

 It was… an interesting walk. His boys were hyping him up, which he appreciated, but he was nervous. He had been hoping to wait a little longer to tell them. Of course they found out on one of his only dates after he’d adopted them all.

 Finally, after a stroll through the woods, they arrived at the place: a lovely little clearing with fairy lights that shone and twinkled as the sun set with a table in the center set in the middle. There was food, and candles, and it was all very romantic, but the boys weren’t focused on that. They were focused on the person who was standing by the table, in a suit, rose in hand.

 Purpled was the first one to speak. “Ponk?” He stepped closer and fell into a hug from the man who was, indeed, Ponk. “Is this really you?”

 “Yeah, Purp. It’s me. I’m sorry you had to go through all that you did alone.” Ponk said, surprisingly softly. “I wanted to see you, but Sam told me to let you heal a bit, first.”

 “Bitch.” Purpled said, but it was clear he was trying not to cry. “I missed you.”

 “I missed you, too. I thought you would’ve come to see me earlier.”

 Purpled shook his head, refusing to leave Ponk’s hug. “How could I? We just found out you guys were a thing today, I was too scared to visit you otherwise.”

 Ponk turned to Sam with an exasperated look. “Sam, I thought you said you were gonna tell them!”

 “Well, I had every intention to,” Sam said defensively, “but everyone kept getting hurt and it never seemed like the right time.”

 “Wait,” Tommy butted in, “How long have you guys been dating? I thought this was like, a first date type thing and that’s why he was so nervous.”

 “Aw, Sam! You were nervous?”

 Sam, in question, flushed a little. “I mean, how could I not be? You’re so amazing and all, I-”

 “How long?” Tommy asked loudly. “You aren’t answering my questions, and they need answering! Now!”

 “Well,” Ponk winced, “Sammy, you answer it. They should hear it from you.”

 “What do you mean we should hear it from Sam?” Tubbo asked. “How long has this been going on?”

 Purpled squinted at Ponk. “And why don’t you want to answer?”

 “A little over a year and a half.” Sam blurted out, and all eyes turned to him.

 “What?” Tommy cried out. “And we didn’t know? You’re our dad, you’re supposed to tell us these things!”

 Sam was at a loss for words. “I didn’t know you guys cared about my love life?” He tried as a weak response.

 “Of course we care,” Fundy argued. “We always care, and that’s why we came here to make sure that whoever you were dating was fit to be our other parent. We just… weren’t expecting Ponk.”

 “Who were you expecting?” Ponk asked, confused. 

 “Well, Tommy thought it was a girl.” Tubbo said, and Tommy tried to deny it.

 “You thought-” Ponk laughed. “You thought Sam was dating a girl?”

 “Sam didn’t say he wasn’t!” Tommy protested.

 It was quiet a moment longer, until Ponk interrupted it, arms still around Purpled. “Wait, Sam, your love life? You love me?”

 All eyes turned to Sam as he blushed furiously and scratched at the back of his head. “Well, I mean, you’re really funny and your smile is really cute, and I really like spending time with you…”

 Tommy glanced from Sam to Ponk, both blushing and looking at the ground bashfully, and groaned. “Oh, my god! We get it, you’re in love! Get a room.”

 The two adults both spluttered, trying to get a response, before Tommy spoke again. “Go ahead, say ‘i love you’ and all that gross mushy stuff. Pretend we’re not even here. I swear, we’re not gonna say anything. Just go for it.”

 “I mean,” Sam started, looking up at Ponk, “if you want to, of course I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or anything...”

 “I love you.” Ponk blurted out.

 “I love you, too.” Sam responded breathlessly. “A lot. Like, probably too much.”

 Ponk hid his face a little, and held out his hand. “I, um, I got you a rose,” 

 “I saw. You’re adorable.”

 It was quiet, and Ranboo coughed a little. “C’mon, guys, they probably want us to leave. It’s their date, after all.”

 “Do we have to?” Purpled asked, “This is more entertaining than any movie we’ve watched, I wanna keep making them embarrassed.”

 “I agree with Ranboo,” Tommy said, “We should probably go. However, I also agree with Purp, because I want to stay.”

 Ponk shrugged. “I mean, I can woo Sammy here another day if you all wanna just go watch a movie, or something. Sam? You alright with that?”

 Sam had to admit he'd wanted a nice night with just him and Ponk, but part of his mind was worried for Tommy, since he was still going through a thin day. “Sure, I guess we can watch a movie tonight and do something else later.”

 So, they all walked back to Sam’s base, boys in front, politely pretending that they didn’t notice Sam and Ponk holding hands in the back. They didn’t want to notice it. They also pretended to not notice the little sweet whispers that the two exchanged, and the boys were starting to regret their decision to not leave the two alone.

 Despite that, they all watched a movie, huddled in a nest that Tommy had made. He stretched his wings around those that he could, but ultimately was content to just huddle up against Sam and sleep, instead of watching the movie. 

 Sam was curled up next to Ponk, which was a little odd considering the height difference, but they made it work. Sam wasn’t sure where the rest of his boys were in the nest.

 At some point that night, once it was late and it was just him and Ponk awake, he felt Ponk shift. 

 “Where are you going?” Sam asked sleepily, clutching the sweatshirt that he’d let Ponk borrow. “Why are you leaving?”

 “It’s late,” Ponk whispered. “I need to get home.”

 “No,” Sam pouted. “I don’t want you to go home. You should stay here for the night.”

 “I appreciate it, Sammy, but I really-”

 “I almost died a few days ago and you’re not going to do what I want?” Sam murmured, waking up slightly. 

 “Oh, Sam,” Ponk said, sadness weighing his voice down. “Don’t joke about that. You worried me, when you didn’t talk to me for a week, then I found out from Tubbo that the hunters were back. I was so worried that I’d get there too late, and you’d be gone. Hell, before I found out, I thought you were breaking up with me.”

 “I’d never do that. Don’t be sad.” Sam said tiredly, but Ponk wasn’t done.

 “And then, and then I found out this morning that you’d gone against some, some fucking god, and you won, and you’d adopted Purpled, and I found out all the shit that he’d gone through and how you reacted, and I’m scared.”

 “Of what? I’ll protect you, Ponkie.”

 “I’m scared that one day you’ll go up against some big bad villain and you won’t make it out alive, Sammy. You take on so much, and what if I can’t help you?”

 Sam looked up, and saw that Ponk was crying softly. “Oh, Ponk. I’m always going to come back, because I have a reason to. I’ve got you to come back to, I’ve got my boys. I’ll fight with everything I’ve got to make it out alive.”

 “But what if that isn't enough?” Ponk stressed. “I joke all the time, and I mess around, but I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

 “You won’t.” Sam assured him, pulling Ponk back into a hug. “Stay the night?” He asked again.

 “Okay,” Ponk relented, sniffling. “But I’ve got to go home in the morning. Are you going to let me go?”

 Sam smiled sleepily and pulled Ponk closer, burying his head in his shoulder. “No promises. I love you.”

 “I love you too, you big sap.”

 _______

 Tubbo woke up last the next morning. His head hurt, like he had a headache, and his mouth was dry. He wasn’t aware that he’d woken up last, as he was still curled up in the nest and didn’t really want to do… anything. His head hurt too much.

 He let out a little whine, burrowing his head into the blankets as the light hit his face.

 “Tubbo? You up, man?” Who was that? That was Tommy, right?

 “Tommy?” He murmured. “My head hurts.”

 The voice chuckled. “Not Tommy. I’m Ranboo. I dunno, you need an advil, or something?”

 “I don’t know,” Tubbo groaned. “Make it stop.”

 He heard a slight humming. “Maybe I should go get Sam.”

 “No,” Tubbo pouted, curling up even more. “Get Tommy. I want Tommy.”

 Footsteps echoed away from him, and Tubbo moved one of his arms under his head. His fingers brushed against his ear, and-

 “What?” He sat up, poking at the back of his ear, momentarily blocking out the pain of his head. “What?”

 Sam walked into the room, “What d’you mean? Anything wrong? Ranboo said your head hurt, or something.”

 “Sam,” Tubbo started, hands still covering his ears. “Why am I growing fur?”

 A look of sudden surprise was painted across Sam’s face before it settled on a grimace. “Well, Tubbo, you’re a hybrid.”

 Tubbo looked up quickly, wincing at the pounding in his head. “I’m a hybrid? How do you know?”

 “When I visited Dream he mentioned it,” Sam mumbled a bit, before speaking a little louder. “Anyway, it’s probably going to hurt. I’ll send someone to go grab Tommy, since most of us were born with our hybrid features rather than growing them.”

 Tubbo thought Sam spoke more, but he wasn’t listening. His head was still hurting, and the pain was still increasing. He wanted Tommy. He missed Tommy, where was he?

 How had he gotten on the couch? Was he crying? Oh. His head hurt a lot. “Tommy?” He sniffled, too far gone to hate how vulnerable his voice was.

 “I’m here, Tubs. I’m here.”

 “What’s going on?” He managed, trying to turn to his side but yelping when the pain spiked.

 “You’re probably growing something.” Tommy said nonchalantly, putting a hand into Tubbo’s hair. 

 Tommy’s hands put pressure on the side of his head. “Ow,” Tubbo cried, and Tommy rushed an apology. It was quiet for a moment. “What am I growing?”

 “I can’t tell yet.” Tommy hesitated. “Your ears look pretty cool, though. They’ve gotten all long and furry.”

 “My ears are furry?” Tubbo didn’t quite catch Tommy’s reply as he fell asleep despite the pounding in his head.

 _________

 The next time Tubbo woke up, he was alone. He was still on the couch, but daylight streamed through the windows and the house was silent. Where was everyone?

 His head felt much better, but his mouth was still dry, so he pried himself off of the blankets and padded into the kitchen for a glass of water. He turned the faucet on and yawned as the water poured out, reaching up to scratch his head.

 His hand hit something smooth and solid, right above his ear.

 Tubbo turned off the faucet as his eyebrows furrowed, walking over to the bathroom, glass still in his clutches. No one was in the halls, and he frowned as he pushed the bathroom door open. 

 His gaze raised to the mirror, and the glass slipped from his fingers to shatter on the ground. He didn’t register the water that soaked through his socks, but he stared, unblinking, as his eyes filled with tears. He stumbled backwards, yelping as he fell into the tub and sobs racked his body.

 “Tubbo?” Tommy’s voice called from down the hall. “I heard a crash, are you alright?” The voice got louder and Tubbo’s cries did, too. Tommy’s head popped through the door frame. “Tubbo?”

 In the corner of the shower, Tubbo was huddling with his legs pressed against his chest and head ducked down. When he spoke, it came out soft and trembling. “We promised.”

 “What?” Tommy started, but was cut off by Tubbo.

 “We promised that you wouldn’t be the next Wilbur, and I wouldn’t be the next Schlatt.”

 “Yeah?” Tommy said, tilting his head, crouching down in front of Tubbo and holding his hands out, palms up. “And we kept it. We’re fine, okay? We’re safe, and nothing is going to happen. Let’s get clean-”

 “Then why have I grown horns?” Tubbo cried, tears streaming down his face. “I was finally able to move on, and now I’ve got a permanent reminder of him. He promised he wasn’t my father, Tommy, but what if he really did lie about everything?”

 “Oh, Tubbo.” Tommy said softly. “Schlatt’s not your father.”

 “How can you be sure?” Tubbo asked, but he moved into Tommy’s arm for a hug. His chin rested on Tommy’s shoulder.

 “Because,” Tommy reasoned, “Your horns aren’t the same. His curved around his ears, right? Yours stick up a little. And your ears!” Tommy smiled, and lightly flicked one of Tubbo’s ears. “You’ve got some yellow fur growing. I’d bet good money that you’re a moobloom.”

 “You bet good money for stupid reasons, though, Tommy.” Tubbo murmured, falling asleep again as Tommy’s wings wrapped around him.

 Tommy went to reply, but Tubbo had fallen asleep. “You’re lucky that you’re my best friend, bitch.” He grumbled, picking up Tubbo to move him to the couch again. He’d clean up the bathroom too, but Tubbo was more important.

 His best friend was more important.

 Family was more important.

 More important than anything.

[fandomdojo]

The thing about so many waiting for Cinder to die, There are many reasons and I would take several answers as anon, maybe I will but I think it is easier to ask the other way Why should we expect Cinder to survive? I apologize in advance for my negativity.

That's a valid question to ask but the reason I ask why so many people expect her to die and then the answer I get being "she killed so many people" and I'm there like... ok? You do realize that her killing people does not cut down her lifespan or is slowly causing her death, right?

So, why should you expect Cinder to survive?

Well, the answer to that is basically because of the role she plays in the show. I can't guarantee that she'll live until the very end but a decent portion of the show is expected. Cinder is a maiden.

I feel like many people tend to forget that she's one of the only 4 people who are able to open a vault and retrieve a relic from it because of the amount of bullshit she's been getting up to but killing Cinder off before she could do that will only slow down the storyline.

Right now, volume 9 is confirmed to be a detour, meaning that we won't be seeing the relic and it won't be in anyone's grasp until late volume 10 or early volume 11. After that, both sides won't loiter around and do nothing, despite who has the relic at the time, the heroes and the villains will immediately set course for Beacon.

Cinder dying anytime before she opens the vault simply sounds out of nowhere. I asked why people think so and the response is either "she's bad" or "Salem will kill her" which is more absurd of an answer than the one before it. Salem literally calls Cinder the key to their success, whether that's because she is the literal key to the vault or because she knows that Cinder will be able to deliver the relics to her or something else entirely, I don't know.

All I know is, Salem won't kill Cinder even if she disobeys. The most extreme punishment I see she'll give is actually turn Cinder into some Grimm experiment but she won't directly end Cinder's life.

There's also the fact that there's no one to take Cinder's place as the Fall Maiden yet. We might see new villains in volume 9 but who will fit the criteria to be the Fall Maiden? And no I don't mean Female + Young as the criteria.

The villains definitely won't be the ones to take Cinder out because even if one did, then they're directly betraying Salem by doing that and I don't expect them to live very long after that. So the only remaining way for Cinder to die is to be killed by a hero.

She's caused them so much pain and suffering and obviously, many of them are actually attacking Cinder with the intent to kill but still, that's not really enough for anyone to say she'll die. She's lived this long and she most likely can fend them off longer.

I also think that when someone outright says that Cinder will be killed by any specific character then they're simply saying what they WANT to happen not what WILL happen. Because everyone is trying to manifest a death for Cinder at this point.

"and that is why she cannot be redeemed."

Sometimes this argument gets very exhausting to answer. Everyone is aware that she doesn't regret anything or is seeking to change, you're all repeating yourselves and forcing us to repeat ourselves as well. Saying someone is irredeemable when the chance is not yet too late is laughable.

Many villains have been offered the chance to be redeemed and they all made their choice. Neo and Cinder have not yet been given that chance, saying Neo can be redeemed but Cinder is not is you outright saying "I want Neo to be redeemed and not Cinder".

Because guess what? Neo also does not regret what she's done so far and isn't seeking to change. While Cinder was smart enough to put her anger aside and work towards her goal, Neo is the one constantly pushing Cinder to go after Ruby, she doesn't care what happens as long as she gets to kill her. 

Everyone is all about the hype that Neo is on the island with team RWBY and that would be her chance at redemption but what if she hadn’t fell down with them? The talk of Neo being redeemed and not Cinder was there long before the finale aired but based on what are you choosing who gets to be redeemed and who doesn't?

You might think that it took her too long but that doesn’t make it any less valid than anyone else’s redemption. By saying she had all the time she needs is silly because so far, her chance isn’t gone yet. If you personally feel that her redemption would be undeserved after all that time then you simply don’t know why the need for redemption is there.

By saying someone is irredeemable, you're outright denying them the choice of being redeemed. Ironically, that’s what happened to Cinder when she was 14.

[yanderedbh-moved]

Headcanons of the Harvest Moon One World Bachelors as Yanderes (Part 1)

A/N: I know this is usually a DBH themed account, but after more than a little burnt out for some time I’ve decided to start writing about characters from any video game franchise. (Obviously while still keeping to writing Yandere content.)

I’ve got a few more WIPs inspired by other games in the works, but I’ve got requests open for the moment, with all that said, please enjoy.

Content warnings, Slight mentions of NSFW, possessive behavior, yandere tingz

Braden

Braden will admit to anyone close to him, is he has nearly no experience with romance. He was always busy as a farmhand growing up and helping to raise his younger brother. His own love life wasn’t something Braden gave much mind to. Braden likely didn’t think he was the Romantic type and deep down wondered if maybe he was meant to be alone with his animals forever.

Yet all the same, when he met you, and he could feel himself warming up to you, in ways he hadn’t known before. Braden couldn’t help but succumb to his own emotions. Both his genuine and pure love, as well as an unusual obsession for you, his first real object of desire. Not that he would ever admit this to you, there's no way Braden would want to risk creeping you out or fumbling over his own words and embarrassing himself.

Other people, likely even Braden’s own family, told you he was a stoic man, keeping to himself whenever he could. This is why it came as a bit of a surprise to you, and honestly, even Braden when he began going out of his way to ask you for help. Little favors when he knew you were in town or even going out of his way to approach you in return treating you to fresh produce from his farm. Maybe even shyly leaving offerings at your house while you slept. He may have addressed this as a gift from a secret admirer, but you both knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.

For a while, long before you were in any way privy to Braden’s “darker nature,” you couldn’t help but feel yourself being won over by his rustic charm. Sure he wasn’t exactly the romantic type, but you knew he wasn’t as cold and emotionless as he wants others to think. As far as you were concerned, the two of you were close friends, and you knew you could always count on him.

And while he struggles trying to understand his own emotions, let alone others' feelings, he will do his best to maintain this level of simple kindness with you. Though when the two of you were alone together, and you made silly jokes about “rolling in the hay” together, he had a tough time falling asleep that night. Dreaming about bringing you into his home, caring for your needs, and picturing you begging for him on your back beneath him.

The first red flag you noticed something may be up with Braden was the way his face darkened when you tried to leave a little early after staying over at his house one night. It truly surprising to you when he insisted on you staying, and something about the way he was staring you down made you all the more certain you needed to get out now.

Another nasty little side effect of Braden’s inexperience with love, he tends to catastrophize things and assume the worst. Likely a bad habit he picked up from having to care for his little brother and little animals. He’s a bit of a mother hen in that sense, and he feels the need to make sure you’re doing ok if he hasn’t seen you in a while. (Whether you know he’s there watching you or not.)

Thinking if you didn’t want to be around him now, it was only a matter of time before you never wanted to be around him again. The mere thought of this brings Braden unbearable pain. He needed you and was sure you needed him in kind, and Braden would rather die than abandon you.

Braden fears that there are so many other bachelors in the area, people who can offer you more than he can. This would really bring out his more possessive side and would be his final straw before either strong-arming you into moving in with him.

If things were really getting rough for him, however. There’s a strong chance he would hold you, prisoner, in his barn with the animals until you convinced him you really did love him enough to bring you to his home as his lover.

Despite at least in some way, knowing he is in the wrong here. Braden knows what he’s doing is hurting you. Braden will not give up. In his mind, his goal justifies the means. And at the end of the day, all he wants is to hold you in his arms and start a family with you.

While Braden would never want to hurt you physically, he knows how strong and physically imposing he is. He wouldn’t be afraid to use physical intimidation to keep you scared and under his control.

Braden also loves to draw you while you’re sleeping, looking so calm, natural, and peaceful is beyond entrancing for him. Likely has a secret hoard of drawings he’s made of you. Braden’s waiting for the right moment to gift them to you.

Kanoa

If you weren’t expecting someone as pure as Braden would have any dark/ulterior motives for you, then you really didn’t see this coming from Kanoa. The moment you met him, you were captivated by his outgoing personality, strong body, and good looks. You were far from surprised to learn he was so popular in Halo Halo.

While he may come across as a car-free surfer bro, he’s actually far more attentive and observant than what others might think. Keeping extra close attention to what you like and what you say. He’s very people smart and is an experienced lover when it comes to romance, and he can’t start soon enough.

Even though he is super into you, Kanoa wants more than anything for you to be the one to fall for him. Maybe it’s his ego. Perhaps it's the way you make him feel so comfortable and alive. Before he even knew you intimately, Kanoa would have many fantasies of you infatuated with him. Dreaming of all the pleasure the two of you could share.

Kanoa isn’t afraid to use his good looks or his natural charisma to flirt and fluster you at any given moment. Whether it’s cute moments like feeding you soft ice cream on the beach. Plucking hibiscus flowers to put in your hair while walking with you. Splashing your clothes while the two of you are wading through the tides. Or more intimate events, like pulling you onto his lap while sharing drinks with a big group of people.

Needless to say, Kanoa would become your best friend in Halo Halo, and your unofficial guide around the town, and would be STOKED to see you participate in Halo Halo culture, and would be the best hype man. Always there to check up on you, and make sure you’re doing alright, and welcoming you to walk around the beach.

Anytime you’re in town, he somehow always seems to know and is always by your side, begging you to come back again soon, and even not-so-subtly suggesting you should move into town. You laughed it off quickly enough, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he was serious here.

Kanoa fell fast.

His hidden double intention here is to not only get a secure lock on your location at all times but also to keep any other bachelors in the area away from you. While he might be good friends with just about everyone in Halo Halo, there’s no way he would let anyone try and take you away from him.

Loves it when you cook for him but loves it, even more, when your cooking food is gathered for you. Whether it’s the fruit of the area, the fish from the bordering ocean, or even just brewing up some coffee for him, he can’t get enough. This isn’t even mentioning how he loves your passion for gardening. It’s like you two were meant for each other!

Absolutely would be the type into using pet names, in private and public, and loves public displays of affection.

Loves to take you out to the docs or the beach late at night to watch the moon and the stars together away from the crowds. While he intended this to be a cute moment between the two of you, he’s likely accidentally fallen asleep on your lap more than a few times. Cuddling your thighs and listening to the roll of the tides.

Likes to take you out on little unofficial dates in town during the daytime as well, so long as you stay by his side, that is. Whether that means sharing a seat at the local café or even just gathering fruit from the trees together, quality time and physical touch mean so much to him. (Gets quite hot and bothered thinking about going skinny dipping with you in the ocean once you were feeling more comfortable around him, of course.)

He truly is a rather touchy-feely kind of person in general, in public or in private. Which may cause you to get more than a little flustered at his amorous behavior. (Something which Kanoa finds endlessly adorable yet will pretend not to notice.)

While he isn’t the jealous type if he were to see you getting a little too close with any of his friends on the island, he might accidentally do something impulsive in the heat of the moment. Whether that means snapping at you, accusing you of cheating on him, leading him on, etc. Or starting a physical fight with another guy, accusing him of trying to steal his girl.

He certainly didn’t mean to hurt you, and he really is the last person in the world to take pleasure in bringing you pain. The thing is, since Kanoa is so confident the two of you were meant for each other, he can rationalize a bit of tough love every now and then, as it’s his job to protect you.

Furthermore, if you were to talk with others on the island about this strange behavior, they likely wouldn’t believe you. After all, it was the word of a newcomer against Kanoa, one of the most beloved members of Halo Halo, and there’s no way someone as bright and charming would hurt you. It’s not likely something anyone would say to your face, yet it would guilt you all the same.

Eventually, you can’t help but wonder to yourself if maybe you were too quick to judge Kanoa. He was a young man, and he was likely just overwhelmed by his emotions, and you misunderstood him. Perhaps if you were to just sit and talk with him, it would straighten everything out.

Your intention here was to sit with him and tell Kanoa he needed to respect your space and your emotions here. While you thought he was a great and admittedly quite attractive young man, the two of you weren’t meant for each other, and it was time to part ways.

For Kanoa, though, this was anything but a calm and rational discussion. Thinking that he was about to lose you forever, he would instantly assume he was but moments from losing you altogether. This would take his impulsivity right into the fight or flight territory, and he would kidnap you, bringing you to his home. Refusing to let you leave until he was positive you would never try to leave him again.

[alteredphoenix]

I wonder what it says about Sylvanas as a character when you look at the community - whether it’s on Twitter, Reddit, MMO-Champion, on Tumblr or any other forum WoW can carve a niche in - and see the absolute divide she has on people the likes of which I don’t think I’ve seen in any fandom before. I can’t say I’ve seen the fandom be this tense since...hmm, well, I guess we can say Jaina in Battle of Dazar’alor, since she’s another long mainstay in the cast.

But it’s as the devs said: Sylvanas makes Garrosh look like a child; his crimes pale in comparison to what she has done and the people she has allied herself with. Not to mention the ‘let’s break the Machine of Death and upend the Cycle that shoehorns predetermination against our will for a new system where we can have free reign on our choices without the threat of otherworldly powers and artificial intelligence puppeteering us in the direction they want us to go’, which sounds well and dandy...until you remember that all souls post-Emerald Nightmare are being funneled into the Maw and, as the SL artbook states, tortured until they’re driven mad and side with the Jailer to increase his numbers.

As a fanfic writer and a player that tends to stay away from discourse as much as humanly possible, I personally don’t mind the direction the story is going in. I’m a lot more patient now than I was when I was a girl; after all, my white whale of anticipation isn’t Sylvanas, but Turalyon and Alleria, whom I waited on for eight years to properly debut. Even now, with their roles currently solidified in the current state of canon, I’m content to wait even longer for the inevitable Light Versus Void expansion to see what will happen to them. People like them have the equivalent of the Sword of Daedalus hanging over their heads. It poses the question “Will they or will they not die?” It is the natural progression one can see when we look at integral characters that we follow for a set number of expansions, such as Garrosh, Varok Saurfang, Jaina, and Tyrande.

It’s no different with Sylvanas when you look at her, except this time she doesn’t just come with the Sword. She comes with so many impressions and conclusive feelings that anticipating the finale of Sanctum of Domination is akin to betting all your money on the horse you want to believe for a fact is going to win the Kentucky Derby; hell, let’s replace that with the Super Bowl instead, because that’s how monumental this is being hyped up to be. There’s a strong taste of tension, bloodthirst, and outright mental anxiety over what will happen to her, and that comes off as a little worrying for me - more so the anxiety than the bloodthirst, that’s to be expected with Sylvanas. I have read posts from users during my Tumblr surfing sessions where the more diehard fans are having panic attacks just thinking about the outcome.

I am a Sylvanas fan. I like her. I disagree with some of her decisions, but I still like her just as I like Arthas - her parallel - and disagree with his decisions. But be she hero or villain, the story direction is not worth damaging your mental health over. The story so far has been told and will yet to be told. It’s okay to step away. It’s okay to turn out the noise and focus on yourself. As much as I find some of the dedication toward her to be too extreme and obsessive for my tastes, I also don’t want those fans that feel that strongly to hurt themselves in the process. Then again, I’m no doctor; that’s going into territory I’m not educated in. There’s not really much I can offer you other than that, and you are free to take of it what you will.

I’m not sure where else to take this; I’ve rambled far more than I wanted to, and I’ve deviated more than intended. But let me put it like this: if the story is easy enough for me to understand and I like it, then I’m content with where it’s heading. Maybe that makes me foolish and naïve, but that’s just who I am. I don’t think in terms of ‘is this bad writing’, I think of ‘do the plot and characters make sense for me’. I do wish the lore were a little more consistent, but WoW is going on 17 years old, some of the stuff I’ve seen from older expansions haven’t aged well or have holes in them that need to be patched. I guess that’s why I get confused when some people really stretch out the ‘irredeemable, unsalvageable, maniacal, mustache-twirling Saturday Morning Cartoon Snidely Whiplash’ impression they put on Sylvanas, and I’m over here thinking she’s always been that harsh, cruel Banshee Queen of Undercity who has had her moments of relatability born from tragedy and a specter of love for her people and family that has been stomped on so much she’s willing to tear down the System of Death. If the Split Soul Theory plays into any of this, that’s something I will have to accommodate to.

I am a writer, after all. I’m patient. Whatever happens, happens, and to see the amount of discussion that Sylvanas brings to the fandom solidifies her as a memorable character. You could even argue this makes her a great character, and as a person with writerly aspirations I think, in my personal opinion, that nothing would make me happier than seeing a character of questionable morality who commits even more questionable actions to reach such heights of sympathy, fame, and notoriety.

That’s all that matters to me.

Take care of yourselves. Be nice to each other.

[hysteriium]

Doctor’s Orders

(Gif isn’t mine)

(A/n): I had a request for some Dark Knight nurse Joker action so,,,,, here! Hope it satisfies! :) @pennyship​ is my HYPE she is the light of my LIFE she helped me make sure this was coherent and lmk if I was being too much of a self-deprecating asshole HIFSHDFUIS. Enjoy!

(Summary): A deal’s a deal. 

(Pairing): DK!Joker x Reader

(Word Count): 7,200k+ 

(Warnings): Smut (18+), swearing, dub-con, implied stalking.

———

The sea of people your shoulders were ramming up against seemed to be a never-ending stream of mayhem; a faucet that desperately needed to be turned. Truthfully, you were surprised you hadn’t been dunked, swept under the furious stampede of shoes and trampled on. 

Ever since the threat was made by Joker, the hospital had been thrown into panic mode. Staff, law enforcement, and the clamour of patients added to the suffocatingly anxious air. It was proving to be a very tolling day, the cherry on top – a sour, bitter one might you add – was that somewhere in between you'd lost your necklace. You remembered twirling the small pendant between your thumb and forefinger while everyone, you included, crowded around the small TV in the waiting room. 

Just minutes after receiving the news, after hearing that soul-chilling voice announce its equally as cold plans, the jewellery vanished. During the rush, there was the possibility someone had snatched it off you. Too distracted by the waves of patients you had to tend to, you guessed you failed to notice its absence until too late. Alternatively, your meddling could have loosened the delicate piece, rendering its tumble inevitable. So much so, that when you were practically slamming into people, like a typical game of bumper cars, it may have fallen. 

Regardless, it was gone, irrespective of its sentimental value. For now, you had more pressing matters to worry about. 

Lives.

Coworkers tried their hardest to lead subjects to safety, whether by their beds or by feeble arms. It looked like an accident in itself waiting to happen, a ticking time bomb which no one would have the luxury to clean up after. A dramatic number of personnel had dropped off the face of the earth within minutes of the news broadcast and so you all tried to make do. There was no doubt the hefty chunk had left to escape the danger, fearful for their own lives. 

Irony at its finest. 

As you attempted to escape the barrage and locate your next patient, a sharp turn took you into one of the rooms. The cubic area wasn’t large and its walls were coated with a particularly unappealing shade of mint green – a style which after all these years seemed as hideous as the first time your poor eyes made contact with it. The empty bed settled within the middle told you the patient had already been assisted, and you were about to leave when a flash of white and copper caught your vision. Upon second glance, you realised it was another nurse. With her back turned, you could see the glistening of her short framed hair. She looked to be occupied, her posture odd and hunched over, hiding whatever she was doing. You could also hear... mumbling? 

Curious.

Clearly not hearing you enter, you promptly cleared your throat, trying not to startle her. Then, you approached.

“Everyone’s crazy out there…” you started with a bitter laugh. 

The further you travelled, the more obvious the grumbles became. The clacking of something metallic emerged with your increasing proximity, a clamour from a fidgeting of some sort. After a quick flicker, you noticed that her shoulders were quite broad, along with her seemingly defined biceps. While it was more of an observation, the pit in your stomach told you something about her was off.

No response. Not even an acknowledgement.

Your amusement subsided when it was met with the ever-so-reassuring retort of silence, your smile falling as well when your next words received the very same. 

“Especially since everyone’s ditched.” 

You were about to ask if she was alright, considering your existence had apparently been downgraded to ‘invisible,’ when suddenly, you froze. 

A pool of crimson had seized your attention.

The woman who was yet to speak, let alone turn, went rigid when she heard you gasp. Your hand had automatically flown to your mouth then, the distinctive whack of skin slapping echoed throughout the room. Though, such a change was lost on you as your instincts immediately kicked in. The source of the sinister liquid was hidden behind the bed, but you didn’t need to see any more of the scene to already make a conclusion. A little shuffle to the right had informed you that the man had been an officer, his uniform soaking up the seemingly fresh bullet wound wedged just above his heart. 

Immediately, your gaze returned to your questionable coworker, the adrenaline rushing through you tingling your fingertips. In one swift movement, you had forced yourself up against the wall opposite her, your shaky figure slowly sidestepping towards the exit, ready to pounce for the door. The disturbing reality of the situation washed over you when the new angle enabled you to view what her frame was protecting – what she had been playing with all along. 

A gun.  

“M-ma’am?” The whimper that left you was a pathetic sound, one that coincided with the wavering of your lips. To top things off, like the legendary klutz you were, you stumbled over one of the metallic bins, a small rectangular thing that only served to signal your intent to escape. 

That had been the last straw.

“Ah-ah-ah!” She sung, abruptly whirling around. 

Or, more accurately, he. 

Dressed there in all his glory stood the very man who’d threatened to blow up the entire building. Threatened to kill hundreds of innocents in the process. To say you saw your life flash before your eyes when he reared his gun towards you was an understatement; all colour draining from your face as if it had merely been coated on like his own face paint. The glaring abyss, angry and entrancing, was reminiscent of the gaping hole in your heart, decaying from the ever-so-acidic weight of terror. And, even though half of his face was concealed by a white surgical mask – an absurd combination with the makeup – he still succeeded to emit a viciously deadly aura.

He had snuck in and hidden right under everyone's noses.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

With a cringe, he yanked off the mask. The 'snap!' of its elastic strings bouncing back emanated as he flung it behind him uncaringly. Peeling off the copper wig and discarding it similarly, he snickered at your expression, “well, helloo, beautiful.”  

Involuntarily, you felt ice glide down your spine, branching throughout your body and leaving its distinctive mark in the form of risen skin. The sound of his voice was enough to strike fright in anyone. He'd proven as such from his inception. The very thought of what he'd do to you was even more disturbing.  

“D-don't.” 

“Awww, scared of this lil ol' thing?” Sadistic giggles spilled from his lips as he jiggled the weapon. 

“She won't bi-te,” the last portion had his tongue flicking off the roof of his mouth.   

Your eyes had been darting from him to the firearm nestled loosely in his grasp, his hand worryingly relaxed for such a weapon of butchery. Contemplating whether or not you had an opportunity to run for it, a sudden cry rippled the silence. 

A sharp inhale followed by another moan to your left had you twisting your neck, deviating from the oh-so-dangerous man in front of you. Similarly, the gun locked in his clutch was flung towards the origin. The slant of his weapon – downturned towards the floor – spoke volumes; told you all you needed to know.  

The man was still alive. 

“You know what the, uh, funny thing is about people?” Joker started, his voice dangerous and spoken with an edge, a serrated knife slicing into the well-bolstered tautness of the air. 

“They're like,” he paused, looking up at the ceiling as if to remember. The whole charade, his wiggling fingers and his drawn-out words were all to drag out the gut-churning anticipation, “insects.” 

You knew he was talking to you, even if his focus was elsewhere and occupied by the man who he’d previously shot. It didn't take much observation to pinpoint the man's strange idiosyncrasies. The way his tongue darted out, speedily scaling the risen tissue on the corners of his lips, the unpredictable fluctuations in his tone, the controlled gestures of his hands. All screamed erratic.  

Suddenly scrunching his nose, he dragged back the hammer with his thumb, the small clacks from the small extension exacerbating the wild drumming of your heart. 

“Theeey. Just. Don't. Die–”

“WAIT!” You shouted, shooting out your trembling palms. 

It had been an improvised move, one that could have gotten you killed, but the innate tendency to prevent bloodshed (well, more), seemed to override logic. You had trained all your life for this job – to be a nurse and help people. Like hell you were about to just stand by and let him kill another innocent on your watch. Either you'd succeed or die trying.  

Leaning over the bed to view the state the man was in, you recognised positive signs. Like always, things could be better, but he was still fighting. Meaning, there was still a chance you could bring him back from the brink of death and get him to safety. You just needed to convince the other male waving the firearm around somehow. Surprise him. 

“Ju-just–” you swallowed the lump in your throat and shut your glassy eyes for a brief moment to release a steady breath, “take me instead.”

“A-and then–” you riskily took a step forward, your palms still raised defensively, “the-then you can do anything you want. Please. Just let me help him.”   

The man who had his head angled, essentially letting it hang, perked up his eyebrows at your proposal, the prominent creases of his forehead no longer fully concealed by his smudged greasepaint. Slowly, like a big cat toying with its prey, he prowled forward. His steady approach had you shrinking back into the wall behind you, your arms firmly planting themselves against its chilly surface while the trickle of laughter revealed his wicked pleasure. The taunting voices in your head told you that you’d worsened the situation and further cornered yourself into his vile trap – playing right into his hands. 

With no concept of personal space, he then hovered over you, face only centimetres away from your own. You could tell this was just one of the ways he intimidated people – gained control. By some miracle, you endured eye contact. 

“Hmm, are ya willing to shake on that, sweethear-t?” He drawled, the sudden weight shoved against your stomach involuntarily coercing you to look down; down at the handgun practically connected to you, the point of its muzzle hiding in the fabric of your uniform. When you naively tried to create more distance, the attempt ended up as a pathetic, miserable display. Soon, you gave in, your fingers reaching around the gun. Slow, stuttering motions manipulated your wrist as you worked to mimic the action of a handshake. 

The hum he emitted at the interaction was deep and reverberated – almost like a purr – the sound igniting an unimaginable yearning you tried with all your might to suppress. You didn't even want to acknowledge it, mentally kicking yourself when you instinctively glanced at his lips. You prayed he didn't notice, but a part of you knew better. The way he inched closer, your noses nearly touching confirmed this, coaxing you to look back up at him. Focusing into those dark, glittering eyes, you saw the hellfire behind them, a black hole which sucked out any form of innocence; a cesspool which bred corruption. Speckles of intrigue swam in them. 

Or was it excitement? 

You couldn't exactly tell, but you knew it was bad news. Knew that you had, most likely, made one of the worst deals in your life. 

To compare this man to the devil, the master of deals, was inaccurate. With only just one, tiny, interaction, you could infer this. No. He was much worse. Worse because unlike fairytales, unlike the mystic, this man existed. He could, if he so very willed, demolish you in an instant. 

“Welll,” his gaze lingered on for a split second – just enough for you to notice – before he reared himself back, “that settles it.” 

Joker, who was much taller, was able to effortlessly shift his focus to the policeman struggling to push himself up against the wall. The injured man shimmied back into its cold reinforcements while one of his hands desperately fiddled with his belt. 

Entirely shielded from the scene due to your angle, the most visible section being his head, you missed the way the wounded man drew his firearm and aimed it for the anarchist in front of you. The only sign something had transpired was the blur of white in front of you bobbing low, as well as the dizzy scent of smoky gunpowder. As the shot rang out, echoing throughout the room like an explosion, causing brief deafness, Joker ducked down just in time. The bullet whizzed above him, wedging itself into the wall behind, just missing the glass of the door; a permanent, antithetical imprint.   

“Op– and that's my cue,” with a quick wink, he grabbed his previously discarded attire. 

“See you around, doll,” he said, zipping out of the room entirely.

The officer slumped up against the wall when he realised he hadn't hit his target, exhaustion enveloping his form. You made your way to the dying man as fast as you could and began to tend to him. 

“Oh!” 

You jolted away from your patient when Joker suddenly appeared again, head peeking from the corner. He had the surgical mask, although this was lowered and the wig was back on, concealing the scraggly strands of dyed hair. 

“And – heheh – you mayyy want to, uh, make it fast,” he shook the detonator in his hand, clicking his tongue twice with a crooked grin before he took off for good. 

With the door now wide open and the overwhelmingly white hallway visible, you quickly noticed how empty it was. It was virtually a ghost town. While this meant it was easier to navigate him to safety, it also spelled trouble. After halting his bleeding, you were going to need to move him, this being problematic since you weren't exactly the strongest. 

You weren't up to that part yet, however.

"Stay with me okay? Can you hear me?"

The dazed look in his eyes and the expansion of his pupils told you that he was experiencing head trauma. Assessing the small bloody mark against the green paint and the gruesome splatter near it, you were able to figure out a rough idea of what happened. The force of the bullet had propelled him backwards and whipped his head back, it rutting up against the wall while it tried to catch up with his body. The aggressive hit to the cranium was what finally knocked him out, rendering him limp until he later regained consciousness. 

Ouch.  

It took a moment, though the gentle nod of his head answered your question.

"Good," grabbing scissors from one of the tables nearby, you tore into his shirt, finding the source of the wound. Another positive – just from the way the crimson liquid was flowing, it was clear no arteries had been hit.

"What's your name?" 

It was essential to keep the victim as awake as possible, your questioning aiming to do just that. 

No longer at his side, you rushed around the room like a chicken with its head cut off, frantically trying to find a tourniquet or any sort of compressor. 

“Daniel," his voice came out strained and delayed.

"Well Daniel, we're going to get you out of here, alright?" You said, hoping he could hear your reassurances over your wild searching.  

The room was more of a mess than when you entered, bits and pieces of equipment decorating the floor as if a twister had come through and hurled them there. You found it funny how in times of great urgency the things you needed most you could never find. 

You were about to give up and tear Daniel's uniform, using the shreds of his suit when your quivering digits stumbled across precisely what was needed. When you found the tourniquet, you had to literally hold yourself back from screaming eureka. You hastily returned to the disoriented man and dragged along one of the wheelchairs which had been abandoned. In no time, the wound, both entry and exit, had been covered, the utensil applying a great deal of pressure. Daniel's cries hadn't been easy to listen to but as you gently eased him into the wheelchair, they lessened. 

The home stretch. 

Fiercely clutching the push handles, you flew into the corridor, extremely conscious of the time and the tiny device which had been attached to Joker's palm like superglue. The mental image motivated you to maintain your swift pace, Daniel's head lolling to the side, jostling with each sudden movement. 

By some miracle, as you pushed through those automatic glass doors, you saw the last of the patients being loaded into the yellow school buses. Using the ramp, relief washed over you like a chilled breeze on a hot summer's day. The closest bus was where you headed, and you flagged down one of the doctors to get immediate help for Daniel. Within minutes, he was moved into the bus receiving treatment. 

About to dispose of the wheelchair, an enormous roar had you rearing your head back to the hospital. The ground shook with each stuttering explosion, the surreal view forcing you to look on with wide eyes. It was a distressing sight to process, but for some reason, you were unable to look away from the tragedy. 

This was especially the case when a familiar blob of white waddled out of the building with outstretched arms, his painted smile wider than ever. As if everything had been predestined, he knew exactly where you were, immediately noticing you gawking. Stuck between the weird limbo of boarding the bus, he gave you a wave. It wasn't fast, nor one in which required his whole limb. It was a slow, controlled one, only the tips of his fingers obliging. Time seemed to slow with the movement, each drawn out wiggle adding to the deep-rooted layers of terror and astonishment. A staring contest ensued. 

Before you could intake the sight anymore, let alone process it, you felt the distinctive clutch of hands from behind, pawing at you. As you were hauled into the bus by your underarms, the doors slammed shut with a hiss. Then, the bus booked it, your eyes never deterring. 

Nor his. 

———

Hours after the event, Joker had been captured and thrown into Arkham Asylum like most criminals in Gotham. While your job was more or less blown to smithereens and unsalvageable, forcing you to look elsewhere, you were sure it had marked the end of your interactions with him. 

All in all, life seemed to revert back to normal. Weeks passed as you hunted for another position, and ultimately, your searching paid off when you found another hospital. Resuming your duty as a nurse, Daniel had been transferred to the same institution for treatment as chance so happened and in a weird twist, you were assigned as his carer. His recovery wasn't very long but within that small time frame you knew him, you’d come to enjoy his company – perhaps a bit too much. Time revealed the feeling was mutual by how, as he so eloquently put it, he owed you dinner for 'saving his ass'. 

How could you have resisted?

However, like the venomous serpent it was, fate appeared to strike when you least expected it; baring and infiltrating with its noxious fangs. This much was proven when you arrived back home from said ‘dinner.’ Expecting a night filled with laughter and shy glances, reality was disappointing. Instead, you were met with a boatload of anxiety and stress. 

For starters, the dress you had laid out earlier in the morning had magically disappeared when you returned from work, and you eventually gave up searching after a ridiculous amount of time. Opting to leave the house with a backup, you hadn’t dared to peek at the time. Yet, the worst was yet to come; the straw that broke the camel's back was the amount the traffic jam you wound up in. 

Everything that could’ve gone wrong, went wrong. 

In total, the high of the night, came screeching to a stop when you spotted blinding flashes of red and blue. Combined with the waving, directing hands of law enforcement, the weight of dread compelled you to roll down your window and ask around. A few ignored you, though you had gotten some one-worded answers – ‘accident,’ and ‘crash’ being the mains. Yet, none of their explanations, underwhelming and dismissive at best, prepared you for the shock which cocooned your worn form as the culprit revealed itself – a firetruck. 

On fire. 

It was almost like a sick joke. 

The truck was completely destroyed and wedged between the entrance of the bridge, blocking exactly where you needed to go. In summary, it looked like you weren’t seeing Daniel anytime soon.  

Heaven only knew how long you sat in the car for when you arrived back home again. Resting your throbbing forehead against the leather steering wheel in a pathetic attempt to fight the manifesting tension headache. You had practically driven in one giant loop. It felt as though the Gods were laughing at you, all huddled around each other in their perfect utopia looking down, pointing and snickering. 

You needed a drink. 

When you finally did stumble out of the vehicle, you just managed to make out the small rectangular object placed ever so delicately on your doorstep. Then, with the automatic sensor light flickering on, you were able to identify the material it was sheathed in: recycled wrapping paper. Purple tinted and crinkled, the colour complemented the vibrant green bow criss-crossed on top. 

The hues alone communicated enough.

Hey, at least Joker was an environmentalist. 

Even rotting in a cell, he was still able to pull strings, sustaining some semblance of terror. He must’ve had men on the outside, eager to do his bidding. 

The strange feeling of being watched, the apparent echoes trailing your footsteps, the disordered internal debates sparked by open windows over the past few weeks finally made sense. You had merely chalked off the occurrences and the growing collection of missing items to your overactive imagination. To your paranoia. 

The naive belief that Joker was too busy wrapped up in a straitjacket to chase up on the deal you’d idiotically settled on had been shattered, thrown to the ground and stomped on. Originally, you doubted he even remembered the agreement; he certainly didn't seem like a man capable of holding down a thought – the chaotic energy emanating from him so astounding it was almost a phenomenon. Though, this had been wrong. Foolishly, you had thought yourself safe. 

Foolishly, you were mistaken. 

The joke was on you. 

You wanted to go to the cops. You wanted to turn in the little gift of death. The hovering worry of it being tampered with in some way, everlasting. Running rampant and wild with possibilities, your imagination outrageously tried to guess what was inside while your curiosity simultaneously nagged at you. 

Overwhelmed by the two shrieking entities, you reached down to pick up the small package, most likely adding to your list of dumb decisions. A small Joker card was attached to the bow, the bottom-half dangling, while tiny, messy crimson writing demanded the card to be flipped. It read:

'Tick tock!' 

The phrase was repeated in scratchy, crazed scribbles, decorating the card in a rather unsettling fashion. 

Swamped with confusion, itching fingers coaxed you to look inside the ambitiously innocuous box. Within its cardboard confounds laid a circular pocket watch – withered and deteriorated. You could barely make out the thin hair-line cracks in the glass. Although deceivingly harmless at first inspection, further scrutiny revealed they were deep-rooted and hardly repairable. 

Your heart skipped a beat when the sensory light suddenly shut off, but you didn’t need it any longer. Not with the harrowing imprint of the card cruelly carved into your brain. Ultimately, the message was loud and clear:

The end was nigh. 

Your end. 

The very words Joker had uttered to you haunted your thoughts like a spectre: a promise of your finale. Of your very last, spectacular, blue-faced, gasping breath. You were about to pull out your keys to unlock the door and barricade yourself inside when you noticed something horrifically disturbing. 

The door was slightly open.

With a hand reaching for the phone and ready to dial the police, your shoulder served to nudge it open. No groans emerged from its hinges as you pushed yourself inside, immediately heading left in the darkness to the kitchen. In the hopes of reducing any noise, you'd taken off your heels before you entered the house, mindfully placing them away from the door in case you needed to make a quick exit. 

Your go-to stop was the cutlery drawer. Gently sliding it open, you felt around for a knife, snatching it away when you found the right one. As if on cue, the kitchen light flicked on, rendering you momentarily blind from the dramatic shift in luminance. Like a newly birthed animal, scrambling to comprehend its surroundings, you flipped your body against the counter and wordlessly threatened the intruder. Pretending like it would make a difference, you waved the weapon around carelessly, eyes attempting to adjust.

"Sorry for the deee-lay," a familiar voice drawled, one that shook you to your very core. Within the few seconds of focusing, you observed how Joker mimicked a cringe, dragging out his 'e's'. His figure was resting against the second door frame, opposite of the way you had snuck in. The plum coat he often wore was lost and his sleeves were hastily rolled back to his elbows, exposing his toned arms. Along with all this, the infamous green vest was no longer hugging his waist, instead the tucked in hexagonal blue patterned shirt made a firm appearance, with olive diamond ridden suspenders. 

"I've been a bit… busy."

"And, uh, by the looks of it," he paused as he eyed you up and down, scanning the form-fitting dress you completely forgot you had on, "you have too." 

In an attempt to shield yourself from his sweeping, to hide how begrudgingly exposed you felt,  you crossed your arms against your chest. It was a gesture he ignored. 

"How did your little play date…" He clicked his tongue, waving his hands in gestures of quotations, “go, hmm?” 

You couldn’t help the involuntary falter in your expression when the words left his mouth. The series of unfortunate events which appeared to plague your day no longer resembled coincidence. The thought that he had been monitoring every movement was disturbing to say the least. 

“Not so well?” He continued with an all-knowing grin, tilting his head until it was properly angled against the door frame, following the lead of his body. The only divergence was in his suffocating gaze, displaying ponderance.

“Seems like poor Daniel, uh, missed his chance." 

The way his name rolled off of Joker’s tongue contained deep-seated malice, a guttural growl which had you rutting back into the counter with a jump. Bruises were sure to form on the tender flesh of your backside by morning. 

“Wh-what did you do?” The words came out mumbled as if you were afraid to know the answer, and in a way, you supposed you were. Still shaking, you hardly deterred the point of the knife from the criminal in front of you, the blade wavering so much it almost looked like its length was vibrating on its own accord.

"Ohhh, nothing a little gasoline couldn’t fix…”

It was only then when you realised he was slowly making his way towards you, slow and calculated and ready to pounce. With each one of his steps, you could feel every agonising jolt from your heart – feel it pick up its pace.  

Then, you mulled over his comment, recalling the terrible traffic, the ember hellblaze engulfing the raging red of the firetruck, and the amount of time it took you to maneuver out of the driving nightmare. 

It was all because of him. 

“And now that I have you allll to myself, we can get down to business," by now he had already inched halfway into the room.   

"I swe-swear to God, I will use this if you don't step back." 

Regardless of how many times you swiped the knife – to get it to look like you were actually serious about using the weapon – Joker remained unperturbed.

"But all I wanted to do was say hiii," he paused his advances, his hands shooting up to display his palms while his scarred mouth fell into a mocking pout, "especially to my favvvvou-rite nurse."

“I-I’m warning you–” 

He was barely a meter in front of you now as his towering figure practically cornered you like your first encounter. The wave of déjà vu flooding your senses drove you to raise the knife and plunge – or at least try to. Stopped midair was the kitchen utensil, along with your struggling arm by his forceful grip. He hadn’t even cared to toss a glance at the incoming weapon, maintaining composition as he swiftly and effortlessly succeeded in capturing your wrist. Only after did he shift attention, a low whistle of feigned surprise his barbed acknowledgment. He had drained all your hope, then. Killed whatever shred of optimism you had left in the process; hell, it didn’t even look like he was trying.  

In one swift maneuver, he ripped the blade out of your hands and quickly tossed it to the side, pinning your lower half against the counter as he did so, "did you – heeheh – really think I was just gonna let you go? Hmm? Forget about ya?” 

You tried your best next to use your hands – to slap him, to push him away, to wriggle out of the trap his body had forced you in. Yet, tricky vine-like hands excelled in capturing your own. Then, acting like nothing happened, as if it were a mere momentary hiccup, he continued, his tongue flickering out to dab at his scars, "no no no, you see, you caught my eye."

"A selfless little bird!” 

“Willinggg to sacrifice your life for another,” he spat, vicious and gruff; the volatility of his tone made it hard to decipher his thoughts. Though, it wasn’t as if you were well versed in such a thing to begin with. One moment revealed mockery, the next, disdain. 

What was real?

Maneuvering his hold on your wrists into one hand, his unoccupied digits reached for your hair, twirling a small strand that had fallen in front of your face during the struggle, “I've come to coll-ect.” 

“P-please-” Your breathing came out uneven through your nostrils as you clamped your eyes shut, still attempting to create distance. The feeling from last time, the shame woven into the forbidden craving had arisen again and you essentially prayed that he chalked off your squirming to fear and not to a specific… discomfort.    

"Noww, relaaax – doctor’s orders,” he hummed, wiggling his eyebrows. A trickle of joy spilled from his scarred lips, “what happened to that bravery?” 

You had shied away from his stare up until then, the rough hold which had migrated to your chin forcefully wiggling you closer. When your eyes met his dark ones, his eyebrows flicked upwards in what seemed like a tic. 

 “I-if you’re going to kill me, just do it,” you forced out. Gloved fingers squeezed at your cheeks.

“I’ve had a change of heart.” 

His thumb swiped your quivering lower lip, a sight he was thoroughly engaged in. Mere centimetres apart, it was there when you realised, with his breath sweeping against your mouth, that you wanted to kiss him. You really had sunken.

“Though, I am looking forward to – oh how did you put it? Letting me do what I want?" 

In one sudden, erratic movement, he wedged his knee between your legs and lifted the limb slowly, sliding it up until he reached your cunt. With your lungs feeling like they’d been robbed of air, you inhaled sharply, dizziness overtaking you. The tightening pressure around your wrists acted like a constrictor knot, its bindings strengthening the more you writhed.

“Do you remember that, sweetpea?” 

He rocked his knee which in turn rutted against the cabinet, enabling his thigh to brush your clit through soaked panties. Your dress was bunched up and pooled around his leg, hiding a good portion of his pinstripe trousers and in a response you weren’t particularly proud of, you released a choked moan, his actions providing the semblance of the relief you were chasing – craved.    

"Hmm, yeah?" He cooed, high pitched and almost like he was talking to a child.  

Protests – a whole bouquet of them sprouted from your vocal cords, their great green stalks filling the width of your throat, clogging it. So much so that instead of frantic clusters of ‘no,’ ‘stop,’ ‘get away from me,’ strangled noises and gasping moans trickled out. At least that's what you told yourself; because to face cold harsh reality would have proved to be too much. To realise that so much as one nudge from the cold criminal could reduce you to putty, a hot melting mess would be repugnant! To realise that those flowers hardly represented your innocence and more so the blossoming of carnality was a hard seed to swallow. 

And so, perhaps it was better to hide behind the excuse of obstruction even though the weakness in your knees told you different, even though you were leaning into him and transfixed on his lips. And maybe, just maybe, it was better to ignore how your stomach leapt at his resonating growl and how he pulled you by your wrists, and how you continued to ignore the auspicious swell in your chest as the risen skin of his scars brushed your cheeks and how the quick prod of his tongue coaxed you into a sloppy open-mouthed kiss and how your honeyed hums pressed against his mouth and how he darkly chuckled and–

Fuck. 

Fuck it. 

Melting into the way his tongue teased yours, you rolled your hips, meeting the occasional bounces as you rode his thigh. His free hand began its slow ascent up your dress, squeezing greedily at the flesh and when he knew you weren’t going anywhere, he relinquished his domineering hold on your wrist. In a move that seemed all too comfortable, natural even, your arms reached up to rest on his shoulders while the wandering hands nearing the waistband of your panties suddenly yanked the material – a fierce ‘snap!’ forcing you to jolt. 

You had no time to recover when he hoisted you on top of the kitchen counter. The sudden liftoff was rough considering his handling but the landing was even more so when he plopped you on its surface; the small squeak of pain followed by skewed mimicking and taunts. Regardless of the humiliation, the sudden loss of contact had you whining pitifully in the middle of the room, a reaction you were positive only urged his sadistic inclinations. 

“Wooould ya look at that,” Joker smirked, directing you to the sizable wet spot in his suit pants.  

The heat rushed to your cheeks instantly at the vulgar display, a rose dusting sweeping the area. With his knee still propped up against the counter, he was able to push his way between your thighs losing your ability to shut them knee to knee. 

No matter how much he tried to poke at your eagerness, shame was void. Such a point was proven when you leaned backwards slightly, adjusting your position, never straying far from his lips. Once done, you reached for the digits circling the skin of your hips. Joker hardly seemed fazed by the sudden contact, though he watched you intently with squinted eyes – intrigue the dominating emotion. Said narrowing was so subtle that if you hadn’t been looking up at him the whole time, you wouldn’t have picked up on it at all. 

The gentle trail you led him down, from your hip to your inner thigh, and then, finally, to your slit had been drawn out, the pleasured groan he emitted a forbidden delight submerged in concupiscence. Slickness coated the tips of his gloves as they toyed with the area, his long digits sliding easily inside from how wet you were. 

“One second you’re scared stiff,” he grinned, eyes flicking between you and the way his unhurried fingers filled you up. 

“The next you’re allll ho-t and bothered.” 

With no time to adjust, he ditched the leisurely act and started a much more impatient speed. You eagerly leaned into the sly, slithering touch which happily found you were braless. Curled markings scratched into the edges of the counter, coinciding with the tortuous ascension of poisonous fingers – a poison in which seemed to seep its way into your bloodstream instantly, manipulating every feeling, every thought, every sensation to the firey, prickling rush of desire; of him.

“What does that say about you, huh?” 

Knowing exactly what you needed, his thumb promptly found your nipple. With both hands busy, the sheer euphoria they propagated brought on a daze. 

“It says I’m a nurse,” you warbled, breathing heavy. 

Jokers eyebrows furrowed, though quickly reverted in seemingly the very same twitch; it appeared he always wanted to have the upper-hand. To control. Nonetheless, he was eager for your continuance, the way his skilful fingers glided inside you, exploring, not stopping in the slightest. The swell of pleasure which forced your toes to curl and your hips to rise let you know you were close.

“I’m built for high-pressure situations.” 

“Is that so?” He said, his voice as smooth as silk. He leaned in again, so close that measuring the distance would have been redundant. Strands of green, which were once woven neatly (or more, as neatly as they could get for the man), deviated. Each curl bounced along with every thrust. 

“Care to put your money where your mouth is, sweetheart?” He grunted, pinching the sensitive nub between his thumb and forefinger, drawing out a sharp mewl.

“Another deal?” You forced out, breathing a laugh.

“If you, uh, think you can handle it,” he flopped his head to the side and performed his idiosyncrasy with an impish twinkle in his eye, “you know I’m a man of my w–”

You both paused.

During the exchange, you swore you had heard something. Considering Joker’s sudden halt too, you were certain it hadn’t been your imagination. The only thing louder than the silence was the furious ‘rap rap rap’ of your heart, a thunderous drum calling out for something – anything to mask its bellows. 

‘Mass hysteria’ was doing rounds in your mind as an explanation for the sudden, unexplained noise until finally, it repeated. Short, sharp, and distinguishable. 

This time, you heard it clear as day.

Your name. 

“(Y/n)?”

It seemed you were the only one who remained in your fixed state as Joker clamped a hand over your mouth. However, he continued with his thrusts, controlling them into a slower pace; a patience you didn’t think he had. With your tongue, you ran the muscle against his gloved fingers, biting into the material, a signal to ditch the covering. It appeared to work too, because within seconds his bare flesh replaced it. He slipped two digits into your mouth instead and pressed the pads of his digits of your appendage. Immediately, you hollowed your cheeks, looking up at his lust ridden gaze as you sucked. A delighted purr resonated from him. 

“Good girl,” he growled, curling the fingers still inside you; marking the end of his teasing. Joker, more agitated by the second, returned to his previous rhythm, the kitchen counter groaning.

 So much for patience. 

The interruption was almost forgotten as you began to reach your peak. Arching your back, you forced Joker closer to you and clung onto him, ensuring each rapid ram reached his knuckles. In a flurry of desperation, you pawed at his arm, trying to redirect the hand not currently busy fucking you into oblivion. With a small ‘pop’ he left your mouth, finding your neck with your guiding. His fingers wrapped around the area perfectly, squeezing while a laugh left him.

“Well, aren’t you just full of surprises.”

“(Y/n)?” The voice repeated. You heard your door slam shut soon after, only just now had it occurred it had been left open the whole time.

“Hey, the door was open,” they confirmed, continuing as you heard the distinctive thud of boots searching the house, presumably searching for you.

Mumbled, nonsensical phrases left your mouth in the violent flurry of release, suppressed by the pressure around your throat. In the midst of things, the top half of your dress had fallen and bundled around your waist. As you went rigid, your nails clawed and sunk into the back of his shirt, stealing a few grunts. Too wrapped up in your own pleasure, you missed how Joker intently watched your climax, mischievous eyes deviating to the exposed flesh of your shoulder. 

“I heard about the accident, and I guessed you wouldn’t have made it so I decided dinner here would be–”

Joker without warning had bitten into your shoulder, the unexpected intermingle of pain and pleasure coaxing you to cry out. Such an interruption warranted the frantic footsteps heading your way.

Shit.

“Is everything ok–”

Splat.

Both you and Joker whipped your heads around to the source which was now in one of the doorways of the kitchen. There stood Daniel, horror stricken and trying his hardest to comprehend the scene before him. A demanding contrast of colours – flowers, wrapped and nicely presented, had fallen to the floor in surprise, explaining the slap of sadness.

No one said anything. 

The thick mist of unease permeated through the kitchen, suffocating everyone inside. Well, at least those prone to embarrassment. Although you couldn’t see the cocky smirk on the jester’s face, you could feel the distinctive rumble of laughter brewing from the way you continued to cling onto his back. 

In short, Joker was shameless.

No sooner than when you had realised such a thing was festering – it erupted, breaking the spell time had cast on the small box of a room. Hysterics was contrasted with Daniel’s visible confusion and, dare you say, hurt. The blood had rushed to his face, whether in anger or embarrassment it was clear it was both. A small part of you felt bad, it truly did, though it was difficult to sustain when Joker, without even so much as looking at you, forced you back further to a 130-degree angle until your upper half was leaning against the kitchen wall. Without missing a beat, he started to fiddle with his pants, a vicious, sharp smile delivering the final slice to the intruder’s heart.  

“The early bird gets the worm, Daniel.”  

[nad-zeta]

Compatibility Matchup (◕‿◕✿)

Greeting, My Queen!

I love reading all your match-ups! Like, I really do! 💕💕💕😆 If it’s okay, can I please request compatibility match-up with Nobunaga and Kenshin?

I’ll send you the details again hehe. I have a long and straight black hair, height barely reach 5'0. My zodiac is Scorpio but with Sagittarius moon and rising. INTP-A, ambivert but leans to introvert, only talk a lot with family and close friends, very shy with strangers, but I am polite generally. I am also a solo-traveler! (love traveling so much and will travel until I go broke)

I like readings, puzzle and strategy games like chess. But if I play them for too long my brain will get exhausted and I will need to take a nap ASAP to recharge, no matter what time of the day is it. I love jokes and pranks, and will do it to people who are close to me, and I won’t mind if they prank me back because it means WAR and I get to prank them as much as I can, until one of us admit defeat. I also will hype up and cheer if I see people sparing and fighting in martial-art competition because I love actions so much. 🔥🔥🔥

My biggest weakness is when I have negative emotions like sadness or anger, I tend to bury and forget about it, which makes me feel numb when something bad happen. During that time, I will appear cold and unbothered. (I am not unbothered, it just hard for me to express the sadness) Like when my beloved grandmother died, I didn’t shed any tears, but for few weeks my life was dull and I felt numb, faking smile everywhere I went. But I do cry occasionally if the bottled-up feelings are becoming too much, and will find a secluded spot to cry alone because I feel embarassed if people see me crying. 🥴

Lastly, I am not good with romance. I shy away from romantic gestures and PDA is a no no (might die from embarassment). Cannot flirt without face getting red as tomato (I am the type that will steal a kiss from someone I love and then quickly ker-vanish) Love to hug someone sneakily from back and sometime try to lift them or tickle them from behind. (I know it’s weird but I like doing that to my siblings)

SORRY if it’s too long and you can ignore it if you don’t want to do, I don’t mind. 😉 Thanks!!

Awww you are so freaken sweet!🥰❤☀️ I’m so happy you have been enjoying them, and of course, you can request one!🦋🦋 I love doing these, although they take me soooo long! 🙈😱Speaking of..... sorry for making you wait an eternity for this, hopefully, it will be a nice surprise to wake up to lol!☺🥰😳 Anyways I hope you enjoy this, dear! And I hope you have the best day! Thanks again for the request love! @cherrydangome​☺🥰

Okay so without further ado………….

Nobunaga 

Pros of dating Nobunaga 

The two of you will definitely have big shy introvert vs extrovert vibes going on

Like the chemistry and tension between the two of you is there and everyone in the room can see it

Naturally, it takes no time at all for Nobunaga to pull you out of your shell and get you to open up to him

It probably will happen very early on in your relationship TBH, like the second night when he insists you entertain him by *ahem* warming his bed

Of course, you are like hell NO! But that’s when you spot his array of board games in the corner of the room

He sees that excited glint in your eyes and he is like GAME ON

This is how your afternoon visits to play board games, turn into night time deep conversations and chats with the man.

The two of you are always engaged in some or other war

Be it a battle of Go, or a battle of wits

Did somebody say pranking wars?

The two of you cuties will forever be going head to head, pranking each other. Nobunaga hates to lose so you better be prepared to admit defeat

Of course you are just as stubborn as the man, which he low key loves cause no woman has ever challenged him so boldly and refused to back-down. Will wear his smug smile whenever you have pulled of a successful prank on the man

“Well then little fireball, i hope you are prepared for the swift revenge that awaits you”

His eyes will widen when you initiate an unexpected second attack right after his declaration at revenge, cue him smirking even wider, “You certainly are the most entertaining fireball”

He will low key invite you to play board games with him late at night just so he can watch you get sleepy and boldly plonk your head down on his lap so you can take a power nap before continuing on with the game.

You are forever surprising this man with you unexpected actions, just when he thinks he has you figured out, BOOM you surprise him

Nobunaga is a fellow travel lover, so I hope your bags are always packed and ready to go at a moments notice

Nobunaga will legit sneak into your room in the middle of the night to invite you to. sneak out the castle so the two of you can go on a fun trip together

The two of you give Hideyoshi all his grey hairs, cause he will be running around the castle searching for the two of you cuties, with a note in his hand left by Nobu

The note reads; “BRB we are going on an adventure make sure the castle doesn’t burn-down in my absence, monkey.”

He will legit take you with him, all over the world once his ambition has been reached. It is something that the two of you talk about quite often, planning out every detail of where the two of you would explore first.

Whenever the two of you are together it is always a lot of fun

His love language is physical touch, so during your outing expect to be spontaneously hugged and kissed

He absolutely adores the way your face lights up in embarrassment whenever he kisses you in public, he will legit tease you mercilessly just to see you go as red as a beet

You best be sure when the two of you are riding to your travelling destination this boy is gonna be playfully nibbling on your ear and kissing your neck, just to rile you up

LOTS OF TICKLE FIGHTS

Whenever Nobunaga teases you in public you are always sure to get him back by tickling him

All you have to do is send this man one sneaky glance, and he knows, you mean business, he will legit cup his ears and run away from you as fast as he can

Naturally, you would chase after him to get your sweet revenge, Cue Hideyoshi yelling at the two of you to spot running in the hallway

No one is safe once you and Nobunaga form a pranking alliance to prank the residents of Azuchi castle. The only way to guarantee safety from being pranked is to offer the two of you candy as payment

Nobunaga love love love it when you surprise him with hugs and kisses

If you want to make this soft boy melt, let him rest his head on your lap between meetings for a quick power nap, while you pull your fingers through his hair.

Nobunaga is a closet softy, so he will get super pouty if the love of his life isn’t giving him enough attention

His absolute favourite is to spend quiet evenings with you nestled in his arms as the two of you engage in your nightly battles of GO

Cons of dating Nobunaga

Nobunaga is not exactly what you would call in tune with his feelings, heck he didn’t really know what love was until he met you

So this poor boi is oblivious when it comes to recognizing when you are bottling up your feelings

It is only when he finally finds you crying alone from too many bottled up emotions that he realizes you have been going through a hard time

He 100% works on trying to become more in tune with his and your emotions

He knows something is up when he sees that strained fake smile on your face, but alas the job of conqueror is never done, and he has a full day of war councils to attend to before he can finally see you and find out what is wrong

The biggest con for Nobunaga is his super busy schedule, as sometimes it feels like there just isn’t enough time in the day to get all his tasks done. Thanks to Hideyoshi keeping him busy with meeting upon meeting, sometimes the two of you don’t see each other for days.

Only being able to exchange a few words and sneaky kisses in passing

Of course Nobunaga will try his hardest to make more time to spend with his beloved fireball

If he sees you are feeling sad or numb, he will legit cancel all his meetings for the day and seek you out

At first, he might not know how to help you out of your numb dull state, but you can always be sure he will be there for you.

He will wrap you in his warm embrace and just hold you while tenderly tracing soothing circles on your back until you feel better, or are ready to tell him what’s going on

He will gently coax you back to reality with sweet words and loads of affection

Will 100% demand you cry in front of him, cause how else is he supposed to perform his boyfriend duties and make you feel better. 

Even if you feel embarrassed, he will insist that whenever you are feeling sad that you interrupt the meeting or whatever he is busy with, so he can remind you just how much he absolutely loves and adores you.

Relationship score

So in ganna give this a solid 4.8/5

The two of you sweethearts are incredibly compatible. When you and Nobunaga are together, the room is always filled with laughs and good times. You and Nobunaga are always up to mischief, whether it is planning your next prank or running in the hallways stealing candy. With Nobunaga, your life will be one big fun adventure. You have taught Nobunaga how to love, and you continue to teach him, that it is okay to take a break every once and awhile, to do the things he loves. Like spend time with the love of his life and travel and explore fun places with you by his side. After-all, the castle will be left in Mamahens capable hands. The two of you cuties are most definitely a very affectionate couple, always exchanging a quick kiss or tight hug. You bring a sense of fun and wonder into Nobunaga’s life and allow him to be the soft, playful boi that he truly is. And for that, he will be eternally grateful. Although Nobunaga is new to the topic of emotions and both of you, tend to hide your emotions rather than confront it head-on. You both help each other to learn and grow and, be more open with each other about how you are feeling. Overcoming this obstacle helps your relationship to fully blossom. 

Overall the two of you cuties are incredibly compatible, and you can be 100% sure that Nobunaga will spend every day of his life showering you with love and adoration. After all, you are his queen, his dearest fireball, and the love of his life and he will remind you that everyday

Kenshin.

Pros of dating Kenshin

First major pro, well for Kenshin anyways, is that you love hugs and cuddles. This boy is 100% touched starved and absolutely loves to snuggle and cuddle you any free chance he can get

Your love for strategy games is what first bonds the two of you cuties together. Kenshin LOVES anything war, and that includes war/strategy games.

Sasuke legit invited you over for an innocent game night, and it was this act that sparked a strong friendship between you and the God of War

You were truly a challenging opponent and he loved that you could anticipate and match his every move.

Did someone say pranking war! The first time you pulled a prank on Kenshin, he was low key confused, but then Sasuke dramatically put his hand over his mouth and muttered that you had just openly declared war on their lord.

Cue Kenshins cute bunny eyes lighting up in excitement, of course, he could never go to war with his dearest goddess of war so, he snuck into your room one night, to strike a secret alliance with you

The next day the castle of Kasugayama was an all-out pranking battlefield.

If Sasuke wasn’t throwing fart bombs at the two of you, you and Kenshin was replacing all the residents water with vinegar. 

NO, ONE, WAS, SAFE

Naturally you and Kenshin came out on top, being crowned as the prank masters

The god and goddess of pranking if you will

The two of you cuties would definitely pull a few light, innocent pranks on each other, but be prepared cause Kenshin will get his revenge on you for pranking him via teasing you mercilessly

Kenshin loves it when you come up behind him and hug him! This act melts this soft bunny bois heart into a puddle of happiness

He will legit turn around in your arms and return the hug all while nuzzling you with his nose and showering your face in sweet little kisses

If you want to make this mans heart burst from pure happiness, cheer him on as he spars and trains with Sasuke and Yukimura

He will legit be beaming in absolute pride and joy, as you cheer him on

He will legit start showing off slightly, showing Sasuke and Yuki no mercy

During Banquets:

Kenshin; who wants to spar with me this banquet is boring

Yuki and Sasuke: Looking at you pleadingly, as you are the only person who can get Kenshin to see reason

You: Fight fight fight

Yuki and Sasuke: Runs away while you cheer Kenshin on

Kenshin knows you tend to shy away from PDA and romantic gestures so he will try his best to keep them to a minimum when the two of you cuties are out together. Although he will insist on holding your hand! This boy just wants to be close to you and protect you at all times

If he is feeling a little playful, he will steal sneaky little kisses from your lips during banquets which make you flare up in embarrassment. He will then smile the most beautiful of smiles and pull you into his arms, so that you are comfortably seated on his lap. He will then hide your beet-red face against his chest. Cause he is the only one privileged enough to get to see your flustered expressions.

Hehe speaking of sneaky kisses, whenever you give him a sneaky kiss and then Ker-vanish, he is left in the middle of the hallway with his cheeks dusted in a light pink hue. Who taught you to be so freaken cute

Sometimes he will sense you coming and catch you in his arms before you pull your Ker-vanishing act and shower your face with tiny kisses as he tickles you.

What is Kenshin’s absolute all-time favourite, well that’s easy! Whenever he is getting tired or bored during a war councils, there is just one thing that will give him energy and the will to carry on. And that is when you bring the warlords some tea and snacks and while no one is looking, hug Kenshin from behind while kissing his cheek.

His sour bored expression will 180 into the biggest smile

Another pro with Kenshin is he is a rather emotional person and knows how it feels to be trapped in the dark of your own mind, feeling nothing but numbness

He will pick up fairly quickly if you are faking a smile or acting cold and dull

This boy will end all meetings immediately for the day, gently take your hand and pull you to your shared room

Once you are inside, he will immediately wrap you in a warm blankie and summon the bunnies to cuddle you, while he makes the two of you some tea

Will then wrap you up in a warm embrace while nuzzling your neck and soothingly pulling his long fingers through your soft hair as he coaxes you to tell him why you are feeling upset

Anyone who dares bring his sweet goddess of war to tears better prepare themselves to face the wrath of Kenshin and his bunny army

He will kiss and wipe away every tear as he reaffirms his undying love for you

What is one more big pro of dating Kenshin, you may ask? Well, his man adores your long black hair! Like he is literally in heaven whenever you are in his arms, and he is playing with your long hair. It’s just so soft and silky smooth. 

Loves it when you tell him all about your day as he just spends hours pulling his fingers through your hair. Bonus points if you coax him to lay down on your lap as you tenderly caress his hair and face

Cons of dating Kenshin

SO Kenshin is not exactly an introvert per se, but he is most definitely an odd duck that has spent his life avoiding woman at all costs! So you already have a disadvantage the first time you meet Kenshin, you know, being a woman and all.

And considering you are a sweet shy bean at first, it definitely takes a lil while for the both of you to get comfortable around each other to start opening-up

But once you start joining them for their weekly game nights, Kenshin catches a glimpse of that strong wonderful personality, and well he can’t help but fall absolutely head over heels for you

Another con with this cute bunny boy is the fact that he is trying to protect you 24/7. HE has finally found a second chance at love and no way is he gonna let anyone or anything pull him apart from his dearest soulmate

He knows you love travelling but this sweet boi can’t help but feel slightly anxious whenever you leave the castle without him, even if it’s just to go shopping

He will insist on coming with you, and as your relationship progresses he comes to realize just how strong and independent his goddess of war is, and starts to relax slightly

Although in saying that, the first few weeks of your relationship, you are basically stuck in the castle, cause of Kenshin’s fears and traumas

Which brings me to the next con, Kenshin has been deeply hurt in his past and has trouble moving on and allowing himself to heal and grow, so you will need to be patient with bunny boy and provide him with plenty of love and reassurance

Although you are always there to help and support Kenshin, chasing away his every fear and anxiety, through nights spent holing him tight in your arms. And days spent just reassuring him and spending time with him and the buns

He is eternally thankful to you for granting him a second chance at love and thanks to your strength and endurance, the two of you learn and grow together. Finally, Kenshin is not haunted by his past and is sure to take you on any and every trip your heart desires.

Just say the word and he will have the horses packed and ready to go, leaving Sasuke to care for and handle all castle affairs

The two of you even reach that point of endless trust, love and communication that he finally caves to your request of wanting to tag along when they go to war, so you can heal the sick and wounded

There is no hiding your sadness or tears from Kenshin, this boy has a network of secret spy bunnies that will 100% out you if they see or sense you are upset

The bunnies will legit keep you company, cuddling and nuzzling you until Kenshin arrives

This boy be possessive, so be warned, like I said he is aware you don’t like PDA, BUT if some creeper thinks he can lay his hands or even eyes on his beloved soul mate, he has another thing coming

Kenshin will try and control his seething rage for the disgusting daimyo who are trying to win your favour, but at some point, he just can’t anymore

He will legit put his arm around your waist and pulls you flush against his body as he gives you a passionate kiss filled with love, need and desire. He will hold you in his arms for the duration of the meeting showing the man just who your fiancé is

Even the bunnies follows suit in their God of war’s possessive behaviour and hop into your lap cuddling you as they glare daggers at any man or woman who is not Kenshin

Relationship score

I score this relationship, a solid 5 out of 5 hehe

I think the two of you are incredibly compatible. It may take some time and effort to work together to heal from traumas of the past, but once the two of you have climbed and conquered that mountain together, it is smooth sailings. Kenshin will be a very very loving and doting partner and you will never be in need of cuddles or snuggles, cause if you are not in Kenshin’s warm arms you are being nuzzled by your army of bunnies. Kenshin would move heaven and earth if it would bring a smile to your face, and you will have this man wrapped around your little finger. He will instantly drop any important duties just to tend to you. He will be devoted to you for life and will spend everyday cherishing you and showering you with absolute endless amounts of love and affection. 

Your relationship will be filled with sweet hugs and kisses, and be sprinkled with the occasional touch of playfulness. There will never be a dull moment in your life with Kenshin, in the rowdy Kasugayama castle. 

All and all everyone has their flaws, but I think the two of you will be able to accept each other flaws and shortcoming wholeheartedly and live a long, happy life together

Hehehe its actually been so long since I’ve done these lol I hope you enjoyed it, dear (side note sorry if it’s different from previous ones- I legit low key forgot how I have been doing these) 🙈🙈🙈😅

Anyways hope you have the best day! Sending you a ton of hugs! ❤❤🥰☺

[undignifiend]

So I made a Trollhunters fan character instead of sleeping. Meet Dezoka.

A (secretly) unregistered changeling trying to pass as a Gumm-Gumm warrior after getting stuck in the Darklands during the Battle of Killahead. Genuinely wants to be a Gumm-Gumm, but has to be deceptive (like an ‘Impure’) in order to even attempt passing as one. Frustrated by the irony.

She feels like a coyote trying to blend in with a pack of wolves. Fortunately for her, she’s got enough fire to keep up most of the time...

Might be equal to a sergeant in terms of rank; second-in-command of a platoon in Gunmar’s army (or the Gumm-Gumm equivalent). Favorite weapon: Parlock spear, but likes brawling unarmed, too. Would absolutely love the drunken fist style.

Not the strongest hitter or fastest healer, but she’s enthusiastic, fast, and has excellent pain tolerance and reflexes; excels at rolling with the punches, dodging, and deflecting. Has enough stamina to wait out or distract most opponents she’s met long enough to create openings for her teams to take down particularly tough enemies and accomplish their objectives. She’s not a duelist, she’s a pack-fighter. The rush from that is her favorite thing ever. It gives her a sense of belonging and community that she otherwise feels a degree of removal from, and the aftermath of victory is the only time she’s too hyped up to mind non-violent physical contact – celebratory headbutts and claps on the back, that kind of thing.

As evasive as she is in combat, she still gets hit a lot. Tends her own wounds, and refuses to let a healer treat her unless ordered to by a superior. And it might be a little hard to notice in a place as gloomy and washed-out as the Darklands, but her blood is a telltale purple. Grateful for how much her Gumm-Gumm armor hides. (I need to draw her helmet, too. She wears it a lot. Especially when injured.)

Has a reputation for being disciplined, loyal, direct, and industrious. And neurotic. Oddly, is most relaxed (and tolerable) when on a mission or task. During her downtime, she’ll seek out other work, or will try to salvage resources, clean/repair weapons and armor, or organize supplies in the interest of boosting efficiency. No task is too small so long as she’s convinced it will be of some benefit to the cause. If her regular duties are complete and no one gives her further orders, and if she’s got energy to spare, she’ll find something to do.

She was very gentle and affectionate as a whelp. Liked to cuddle and nap, and was easy to put to bed. When feeling active, she enjoyed ‘helping’ her favorite adults with tasks, ‘hide-and-scare’ (would leap or scamper out of her hiding spot and ambush her playmates with all the ferocity of a kitten), wrestling, and the “I bet I can jump from here to there” game. Mostly wanted to climb somewhere high up (especially on tall, broad shoulders) and observe (and give occasional, soft little headbutt-nudges like a happy cat). Is a mutt with a strong background of a sub-type of troll with propensity for leaping, climbing, and ambush tactics. Has very strong fingers, forearms, legs, and toes, and is an excellent climber. Can even fall asleep clinging to rocky walls to this day.

Became the exact opposite of cuddly. It’s like a Cats vs Cucumbers video. If someone startles her by getting too close in a non-combat situation, she can leap pretty high – and cling to any rocky walls, ledges, tree branches, or accidentally tear down rafters and get tangled in curtains. Might yell, start a brawl, or bite her tongue to resist doing either, depending on who scared her.

Very conscious of hierarchy and knows her place in it. Easily intimidated by superiors getting into her personal space, and will try to anticipate where they’re going and get out of their way. But if in-formation, or expected to hold, she will obey and hold position for as long as they tell her to, no matter how nervous it makes her.

If, however, they attempt to take advantage of her despite her protest, or if she witnesses someone else being abused (as opposed to punished) by a superior, she’s likely to take that to mean that the aggressor is unfit for the responsibility of their station, and she will consider the resulting fight she starts as her ‘appeal for a promotion’. She may be a bit squirrely, but she’s got pride and resolve in spades. Fortunately, this has only happened once so far (her former sergeant was abusing one of her shield-mates), and fortunately, she won (barely). Lost a tooth in that fight.

Gets really touch-starved when in season. She hates it. It’s perhaps the one instance (aside from recovering from debilitating injury) in which she’ll take her downtime to actually rest – which she’ll do somewhere up high and relatively hidden, where she can keep tabs on things in case she’s needed for something, but is otherwise out of sight and out of mind. Gets kind of depressed, too; without her usual duties and distractions, her mind wanders to things she’d rather not think about.

Pan and demi, but because she doesn’t want to chance anyone finding out her secret, she tends to keep people at a distance, and is effectively celibate.

Normally rolls around in dust-baths a lot to help disguise her scent. Does this extra when in season.

Favorite snacks: packing-peanuts (she likes the squeak) and coffee-grounds. Will stress-eat either of those by the handful, especially if drizzled with teriyaki sauce. Favorite beverage: any kind of soda. The bubbles “taste sharp” and it comes in edible shells! Likes to mix it with bubble solution when she’s feeling extra fancy.

Gunmar seems to notice a difference in how changelings smell, so she’s especially wary around him. It’s kind of a weird situation for her. He makes no secret of his opinions on changelings, but she idolizes him (so much that she ran off to join the Battle of Killahead when she was young and naive and wanted to personally witness his victory). As a result, her motivation to conceal the truth isn’t only about self-preservation. It’s also about trying to do right by her hero by trying to “defy her treacherous nature” (as she thinks of it) and live as a proper, loyal Gumm-Gumm. But doing so requires deception, and she’s deeply frustrated by the irony.

Constantly waffles back and forth between thoughts of “I’m lying, disloyal trash. End me.” and “This is my lot, and I’m gonna do the best I can with it.”

The only two things holding her back from coming clean and submitting to punishment, is 1) her fear of possibly getting her familiar killed as part of said punishment, and 2) her fear of dying as one more “lying, treacherous Impure” despite her efforts not to be.

Was a young, stary-eyed nobody at the Battle of Killahead, and got trapped in the Darklands with the rest of the Gumm-Gumm army. Quickly realized (or assumed) how Thoroughly Dead she’d be if she didn’t start passing as 100% Troll, pronto, and has kept up the ruse ever since. Has gone to great lengths to keep this secret, up to and including bribing goblins to hide her familiar – first name “Danica” - and erasing the name they shared from the nursery records to protect them both.

Had five fingers on each hand, which was seen as a common enough mutation among her tribe, but which she feared might be incriminating. Just to be on the safe side, she bit off her pinkies. It wasn’t her favorite day. Later learned that it’s perfectly normal for some changelings to have different numbers of fingers in different forms, and she was just being paranoid. Sour about it.

“Dezoka” was the first Trollish name she conjured up when someone asked her. She’s craftier now, but she was not a brilliant improviser in her youth, and still reflexively grimaces at the name sometimes. (It’s too close to her familiar’s name for comfort.)

She’s getting older by the present day, and even if she can still fight, she knows her reflexes are slowing. She never figured out how to accept that gracefully, and is a bit grouchy about it. She thinks she’s had a good run, even if she spent the vast majority of her life in the Darklands, and is hoping she’ll die in combat before anyone figures her out.

Witnessing Nomura getting imprisoned and tortured only made her more certain that the same would befall her. She wasn’t sure which would be more “classically Impure”: trying to appeal on Nomura’s behalf (she was trying to think up a compelling case to let her serve in the army), trying to help her escape (thereby betraying Gunmar, which is out of the question), or letting another changeling take hits for things she couldn’t help (and knowing no one would step up for her, either). Things moved on before she could decide, but the question still haunts her.

It puts kind of a damper on her ability to form relationships. And even if she got to spend time around other known changelings, while curious about them, she has internalized a lot of shame and negativity about them. And even if she didn’t have that problem, letting anyone know (changeling or not) puts her and her familiar at risk.

She has been working on a plan to get her familiar back to the Surface ever since she heard that humans are now far more likely to survive infancy. She’s not afraid to risk her life in battle, but she’s terrified of screwing up and getting her familiar killed (either on the Surface or as punishment), so that’s why she hasn’t made her move yet.

She thinks she would rather stick with Gunmar’s army than join up with the Janus Order if she got the chance. She’s lived almost her entire life as a troll, anyway, and doesn’t know how to be human, even if she may or may not have a few buried human instincts and tendencies. Also, a huge part of her paranoia about letting anyone get too close is her fear that they might have a gaggletack.

One of the main things that has kept her from giving up during times of doubt, crisis, and intense loneliness, is that she always still wants to see how long she can get away with it. It seems to her to be a very Impure attitude, and she’s starting to learn how to laugh at the irony.

[ladyvialana]

a few thoughts on FFXIV...

So, this game has basically taken over what spare time I have in my life and I have very few regrets (most of those regrets are early-game decisions that I can still work on, so in general no regrets). I was surprised to find myself enjoying the game as much as I did since I tend to prefer single player RPGs to MMORPGs, but it is Final Fantasy, so ...

Anyway, since this game has basically been living in my head for months now and I’m finally caught up to the main storyline (just waiting on the latest patch to download), I figured I would jot down a few fun thoughts and headcanons that I may or may not play with later in fic format.

General stuff:

- playing as a Xaela Au Ra is so much fun

- Dragoon kicks ass, as does Gunbreaker (my 2 mains)

- I am very much a melee/non-magical player but it has never been so evident as it has in this game and, as much as I want to try all of the roles, I fear I will suck so hard at Black Mage and any type of Healer (I will try them all, I’m just going to have to get used to positioning and spell speed restrictions)

- I really like the gathering and crafting side quests and jobs

- part of me still wants to get a house, but I already have an apartment and it’s fine? like I don’t think I need any more space, also it’s cheaper and much less hassle and I hardly spend any time there anyway, so whatever - unless houses allow you more inventory storage space, in which case I need a shitton more gil

- like all of the npcs are great? and there are some really fun character moments/storylines/developments with the scions that I really enjoy

- the way the lore/backstory with the ascians has unfolded is fantastic, they’re much more compelling as antagonists now than upon their initial introduction, like the stakes make sense as do their motives, and they’re sympathetic but you still can’t root for them even though you actually kind of agree with them, I genuinely did not expect to want to know more about them since they just seemed like such generic ‘dark/bad/destruction/chaos’ villains, but they’re great and I want to see how things turn out

Headcanons/NPC stuff:

- G’raha Tia is absolutely worth all the hype and I love him, why is there no romance option in this game???

- the older scions are such dorks and I love them so much (like, that scene where they get their new clothes and weapons back is amazing, they look like kids playing dress-up ... and when Urianger is trying to walk on water and Thancred has to jump in after him, more of those scenes please, I love them)

- the twins are babies and should always be protected (jk, they will totally kick your ass, but they’re still super precious and I would die for them) and I love how they tease each other but they’re super protective of each other, adorable

- Thancred/Urianger is absolutely a thing!!! mostly bc of shadowbringers banter, but it’s there and it’s fantastic and I was not expecting this ship to hit me like this

- Alphinaud gets crushes on nearly everyone he meets, like not super serious or anything, but he’ll just follow them around with heart-eyes and posturing like he’s trying to impress them and it’s absolutely darling and hilarious (he totally had crushes on Estinien and Ysale during Heavensward and kinda had one on WoL during ARR but that faded away into super friendship ... he’s absolutely still got a crush on Estinien though and everyone notices and teases him)

- Alisaie likes to pretend she’s above all of that sort of nonsense but she’s just way better at hiding it than her brother, and she probably is better at rationalising her crushes but she definitely has them (WoL and Lyse, especially) and maybe hers are a little more serious/she gets crushes on close friends that build up over time ... the last one was Tesleen though, so no one really teases her about that like they do Alphinaud and his crushes (also because she doesn’t act way over the top like he does when he’s trying to impress someone)

- I would not trust Y’shtola with small children, they need at least a basic ability to take care of themselves before she should be put in charge of them for any reason, like she shouldn’t even be left in charge of herself if there’s work to be done/mysteries to investigate (Runar was always feeding her for a reason, not just because his feelings for her were adorable)

- I absolutely would trust Urianger with small children, as would everyone else, I would also trust Thancred, though other people would be wary of his reputation (but they’re both such softies for children, total dads, I love them)

- Of the older scions, Thancred is the only one actually any good at cleaning regularly, mostly because he just doesn’t own any stuff and he gets super paranoid about germs and dust whenever Ryne so much as sneezes, so he goes on a cleaning binge (she’s fine, he’s just an overprotective dad), Urianger and Y’shtola get partway through then find a book they’ve been looking for and just stop in the middle of cleaning to read it (that’s if Y’shtola even does her own cleaning, she just enchants brooms to go her work but they’re just not detail-oriented enough to satisfy Thancred’s standards of cleanliness)

- (possibly controversial, I don’t know the fandom well enough) Ryne > Minfillia, also Ryne deserves the world and all of the friends ever and there needs to be a way that she can keep in regular contact with the scions (esp Thancred who cries the next time he sees her in person and doesn’t bother hiding it)

- Tataru Taru=secret ruler of the world??? (Maybe Lalafell just give off that vibe)

- I am still heartbroken about Hauchefaunt and likely forever will be

- The Xaela clans and the Steppe are the best, I will not be accepting any criticism of this opinion (aside from the fact that Au Ra women should have more bodily variety than ‘petite’ :/)

- I was not expecting Gauis to return and definitely not expecting him to return like that (or look like that, like damn, get it Estinien)

Stuff I may write fic about:

- than/uri fluff???

- scions just hanging out

- twins being adorable terrors and dragging poor naive g’raha along and long-suffering WoL having to bail them out

- these are basically (mostly) canon anyway? I just need more

TL:DR

FFXIV is fun and I like the story and the characters and even the villains (who are not as one-dimensional as they seem) and it’s basically like a single player RPG in MMO format. Also there is an option to play as a giant purple dragon-man riding a chocobo, so it is clearly one of the most superior games of recent times (that or I’m just a sucker for squeenix)

[bearpillowmonster]

KH: MOM Review (Gameplay)

Every Kingdom Hearts game feels different. It's always innovating and always adding new types of gameplay. This is no exception. Rhythm minigames are no stranger to the Kingdom Hearts series but a whole game based on it is new.

I don't play a lot of rhythm games but I have played the infamous Atlantica section in Kingdom Hearts 2 as well as the Symphony of Sorcery in Dream Drop Distance and the Ice Cream Beat of Birth By Sleep, Guitar Hero and I'll even throw in the Honeybee Inn rhythm game in FFVII Remake. Out of all of those, Atlantica has been my favorite, that's right, I actually didn't mind it.

Now this system is entirely different than any of those, at least to me. It's definitely the most complex though but just hold on because I know how the word 'complex' can be triggering for a game, I just mean in comparison to the others is all. It's not a DDR right, left, up or down. So without further ado...(Nonspoiler for this part, it’s just gameplay)

This game begins with a stage. You're thrown into it without any notice, there were things that I didn't grasp until near the end of the stage, luckily it doesn't count towards a score yet, and after it is the tutorial but that's just the opening so if you're clueless and want to be prepared, I would say to try out the demo, I didn't even realize how much it helped me until I played the actual game. 

I wanted to say at just how friendly this game is to newcomers, it's literally all laid out for you. Nomura came out with HD remasters and collections of the previous games then a recap of the franchise on YouTube then put it IN Kingdom Hearts 3 and people still complained because they don't know the story and are too lazy to play the other games. Now Nomura's packed it all into one whole game to sum it up, explained from the perspective of Kairi herself so that you're still entertained while catching up. If there was ever an easy path to get into Kingdom Hearts, this is the answer. If I hear complaining about it from this point forward, I will be pissed. Now, as you can see, I didn't make it to story yet but that's not entirely what I'm talking about. All the buttons and functions are the same as a regular game, you basically have it all but the different keyblades (well you can collect them but not use them because they're cards). You can play as casually as you want, a song here and there. There are even options for a shuffle and sort function if you want to just jump to track selection but you'll need to unlock them individually in World Tour first. This may sound complicated but that's where the clean and accessible the menu comes in, I have to give props for that.

You're on a set track, it runs on its own, does its own thing except when you're gliding which is just moving left and right to collect notes. You use the normal KH abilities to your advantage because some enemies will be high in the air so you need to jump and slash at the same time but you can't just button mash any more, there's timing involved now. Once you get used to the gameplay, it's quite enjoyable, you may even get a song that you hit every note, my first one was 'Another Side', the first try too, I didn't hit all excellent though.

How do party members work? Well let's say you have Sora, Donald, and Goofy in a party. You have 3 buttons you can press to attack, Sora's the only one that can jump and the only one that can use the reaction commands so you need to pay attention to all three because there could be enemies on the floor and in the sky at the same time. The one thing I will say is a little bit of a complaint and that's that it doesn't tell you which buttons to press except on specific stages, it just has the symbols, I guess that's what makes it more combat oriented but it's definitely different and a little bit harder. But I guess it gets to be muscle memory, after a while. If you already know the themes, it gets easier for you to manage because you focus more on what you hear and less on what you see, that's how I started getting better with timing. I experimented with pretty much everything I could think of so I tried it with low volume and found that I missed a whole lot more because I couldn't hear it, which might be obvious because it's a rhythm game, but it just goes to show how important sound is. I even tried using headphones, I suppose that's up to you, it definitely made the music clearer but my performance was about the same. 

What do songs net you other than progress? Well you get materials. Also similar to KHUX, you get crafting materials except these ones you can use for potions and stuff, I did a potionless run because I didn’t feel the need (but I also didn’t do it all proud either) but I used a few summons and item boosts just for fun. You can also craft cards, which are really just for looks to see in the Museum after you finish one of the memory dives (which I'll get into) but the way you get the cards, grinds my gears because it's gacha, you craft them and it's a surprise what you're going to get...so it's essentially a loot box that you don't pay money for?? What the-

(notice how it says KH2 or Days at the bottom, you don’t even know. Of course I have Writhing Shards rn but that’s because I beat the game and didn’t open a whole lot of keyblade cards but the memory and scene ones are the annoying ones for me)

You don't even have to "finish" the song, just get it most of the way before you die then you'll still get credit and still get a ranking, just no exp. Now, there are also stars, stars are from 'missions' for each stage, if you play KHUX, it’s kind of like how it says “get this amount of Lux” or “use this type of medal” or “don’t use continue” so most stars are just “get this many points” and you need to collect enough stars to get to the next area. With that, so long as you have enough stars, you don’t “have” to play every stage, just like regular Kingdom Hearts and skipping worlds, I did though, just for sport, except Let it Go, just for spite. I could see plenty of fans going after those A+++ Proud Performer 3-Star rankings, I can't wait to see the hype it generates, same with the co-op.  

They went all out when they didn't have to. The Museum is where everything is collected, so all the cards you collect and craft. You can also just play the song on its own without gameplay through the Museum, so if you want headphones to just chill, it's really nice. You can also play the cutscenes and memory dives on their own without the gameplay. There are "feats" or missions such as finishing a certain number of songs, like Nook Miles or the ones they had in Re:Mind. You can collect profile pictures for your co-op or versus account, mine is Simba (even though I don’t really use it). But the co-op can get pretty intense as you can “sabotage” each other, which seems similar to a Smash or Mario Kart match, adding that much more to the gameplay.

A few more complaints, one is that certain enemies from a stage, (say, the Wyverns) won't have the same attacks as the other stages, sometimes they'll have it so that you jump to hit them and sometimes they'll just have them take a normal hit without the jump so you can't memorize what each enemy requires (there are too many to really do that anyway). The other thing is more just opinion based, particular enemies such as Large Bodies tend to carry a weight so you need to hit them more than once even if its just one enemy. How it does this is that you hit it and then the enemy gets knocked back as your next note so you hit them again. There were definitely times where I struggled because I knew I was hitting the buttons but nothing was happening, I would guess timing was the problem in some of those cases but the indicators can be difficult to keep track of because it has to be “just right”. I think even just a line on the floor to tell when you’re supposed to hit would be a major help but in a way, I feel like that’s on purpose. Also, in the Museum, you can view all the cards EXCEPT the Keyblades which is pretty shotty if you ask me, what's the point in grinding to get my favorite Rumbling Rose, if I can't even look at it properly?

(also new names for some keyblades (this is a zoom-in))

There will be a lot of things happening at once which can be daunting, I do appreciate that they included the easy, standard, and proud modes though. Keep in mind, each of those are used for individual songs, not playthroughs so if you want to change, go ahead, at least as far as World Tour goes. On top of that, there are different modes that also gauge at how good you are (to use on the track selection). There's the basic mode which I already explained, then there's the one button mode which should be self explanatory, and then there's the performer mode which is quite a lot to put on your plate all at once because on top of normal gameplay, you're adding new buttons and things in the middle of your attacks, I would probably only recommend that after you've got a decent amount of experience because I tried it day 1 and it seems like you would need a good understanding of the game and to be on the same wavelength before even attempting it. You can view a playthrough of each stage called a "demo" which is the little play symbol button next to the "play" button, it shows you how you should be playing to get an A+++ rank and giving you a heads up of what's to come, all excellent all the time. On top of that, when I was playing Xenoblade, one thing I proposed was flicking the analog stick in a certain direction for each move, that’s present here in the form of bosses and memory dives but if you want it to, you can go into the menu to enable it for regular gameplay. You'll find out if you want it on the very first stage, again, I would only recommend it after a lot of experience.

Your characters level up but it mainly just has to do with HP so you don’t die so easily but at the same time, you have potions so I don’t see much of a point for normal gameplay. All three of the party members only have one health bar, so leveling does come in handy for the bosses. However, I don't understand how each party member has a different level, maybe it's just based on the amount of notes you hit with that character but it's kind of weird because I don't think it matters. Even on the team selection part of the play screen, it has one compilitive level so why would they be different on the menu?

For bosses, you only encounter a few. If it were me, I would've made one per game but it is what it is. You don't worry about jumping anymore, it's just holding the attack button down instead and the amount of "dodge" notes that you hit will work in your defense whenever the boss attacks. Once the dodge section is over, it actually tells you how you did with the dodging section. The first time I ever did it, it said "Oh No." it has a sense of humor, it took me a while to nail those ones you hold down which is odd because I rock the gliding sections most of the time. 

There's only one more type of gameplay type I can think of, memory dives. It's similar to a boss but you're flying and there's a scene playing in the background, also some of the directional notes will have doubles, so you need to point the analog stick in different directions which is as difficult as can be because you have to use BOTH analog sticks (took me forever just to figure that out). You 'mainly' gain the memory dives from crafting which is a bit odd but you unlock the recipes and items as you go through World Tour and then play them separately in Track Selection, until you get to KH3 at least. 

Keep in mind that I played the demo on both PS4 and Switch and compared the two, my performance was about the same, though I will say this. With Switch, you can take it on the go and just do a few levels here and there as well as remove the joy-cons. The thing about that is that I feel the need to shake the joy-cons but there's no function that uses that in the game, I really wish there was though. And those directional ‘slide’ notes have to be way easier on PlayStation because the analog sticks are right next to each other.

[hazardville]

Fuck You Facebook

So, in case anyone’s seeing this without coming here from my Facebook: Facebook removed this post because it was flagged as spam.  I’m preserving it here because this information should be shared and Facebook’s attempts to obscure the sharing of health information should be condemned, widely and publicly.  Enjoy. This is a long post addressing two underlying issues with the current response to the pandemic that leave me concerned.   It’s the longest post I’ve ever written.  The Medium version of this post (link below) has been viewed 1.2M in less than the last 24 hours as of 3/17/20. For those of you not taking action, or believing the pandemic to be “over hyped”, you can make fun of me as much as you want now or when this is over.  You can make me the subject of memes and post it everywhere.  I will pose for the picture.  I am not trying to convince you, but I do feel compelled to share information that I deem critical to all of us, which is why I am posting this at all. WHY YOU SHOULD TAKE 5 MINUTES TO READ AND CONSIDER THE INFORMATION I AM SHARING: As of 3/15/20 at 9 am PST this post has been shared over 50k times since it was posted 2 days ago.  So a lot of people find value in the post and although it's a long read, I believe you will find this information valuable too. For those of you who don’t know me well, I am analytical and metered.  I don’t freak out nor do I respond emotionally.  I also don’t post a bunch of bullshit or political or controversial stuff on Facebook.  I founded and am CEO of a successful software company that provides SaaS based data, analytics, and dashboards to recruiting departments at companies we all know.  As you would expect, I am data driven and fact based.  Before founding my company I held executive roles leading very large recruiting teams at some of the world's fastest growing companies such as Starbucks and Google.  At Google I was fortunate enough to report to Sheryl Sandberg before she took the Facebook COO role.  I was a Chemical Engineering major in college and have a business degree from a top undergraduate business school.  I am not one for hyperbole or histrionics.  My bullshit factor is close to zero. I share all this personal information only to help solidify that this post may be worth reading and sharing with others. I would encourage you to forward or share this post at your discretion.  Many people do not understand what is happening with the pandemic to the degree required which is why I took the time to write this and share this on Facebook. Now that I've gotten the introduction out of the way, here are two issues I want to bring to everyone’s attention.   ISSUE ONE:  SOCIAL NORMS ARE POWERFUL MOTIVATORS AND GETTING IN THE WAY OF PEOPLE TAKING THE RIGHT STEPS IN RESPONSE TO THE PANDEMIC:   One of the current problems with addressing the pandemic is the social pressures of taking action today. It's awkward, and feels like an over-reaction. The reason it feels like an overreaction is that most people OVERWEIGHT the currently reported cases and inherently UNDERWEIGHT the mathematics of how the virus is spreading and what will happen in about 30 days time. This is because our brains tend to think linearly as opposed to logarithmically.  It’s the same reason many people don’t save for retirement or understand compound interest.   To create a new social norm, human beings like to see behavior modeled. This serves as a signal that says, “oh, someone else is doing it so I should do it also.”   SO HERE IS A SOCIAL BENCHMARK FOR REFERENCE - THIS IS WHAT I’VE DONE FOR MY FAMILY TO DATE: I have already isolated my family. We have canceled EVERYTHING. We have canceled previously scheduled doctor visits.  Social get togethers.  No play dates.  Normal routine meetings.  Everything has been canceled.   It's difficult and socially awkward. Some of you think I’m crazy, but I’m doing it not because I am afraid, but because I am good at math (more on that in part 2).  I had to have my 16 year old daughter quit her job coaching junior gymnasts at the local gym, with one day’s notice and also tell my kids they can't attend youth group at church. Both of those were tough discussions.  I told a very close friend he shouldn’t stay at my house this weekend even though he was planning to and had booked his flight from the Bay Area.  I canceled another dear friend’s visit for later this month to go snowboarding on Mt Bachelor. We are not eating out.  Our kids are already doing online school so we don’t have to make changes there.  I would not send my kids to school even if they were in public or private school.  We have eliminated all non-essential contact with other people.  We will only venture out to grocery shop when required.  We will still go outside to parks, go mountain biking, hiking, and recreate to keep ourselves sane and do other things as a family, just not with other people.  We have stocked up on food and have a supply for ~2 months.  We have stocked up on other goods that if depleted would create hardship, like medicines and feminine hygiene products.  We have planned for shortages of essential items. THE REASON I HAVE CHOSEN THIS ROUTE FOR MY FAMILY IS MULTI FACETED: 1.    Although my family is considered low risk (I’m 49 in good health, Angi is 46 and in good health, and our kids are 14 and 16), we must assume that the healthcare system cannot help us, because the hospitals will become overwhelmed very quickly.  Most American hospitals will become overwhelmed in approximately 30 days unless something changes.   More on this in part 2 below.  So although we are in great health and unlikely to become gravely ill, the risk is greater if you do not have access to the medical care that you need.  This is something for everyone to consider.  As a society we are accustomed to having access to the best medical care available.  Our medical system will be overwhelmed unless we practice social distancing at scale.  That said, the medical teams in Italy are seeing an alarming number of cases from people in their 40s and 50s.  Triage tents are already going up in the parking lots at many hospitals close to the epicenters in the United States. 2.    It’s not a matter of if social distancing will take place, it’s a matter of when.  This is because social distancing is the only way to stop the virus today.   As I will explain in part 2 below, starting now is FAR more effective than starting even 2 days from now or tomorrow. This has been proven by Italy and China (and soon to be France and other European countries who have been slow to respond.) [updated as of 3/14 France is now on lockdown mandated by the government].  Wuhan went on lockdown after roughly 400 cases were identified (and they had access to testing that America has systematically failed to do well to date).  The US already has more than 4 times this number of known infected cases as Wuhan did when it was shut down, and our citizens are far more mobile and therefore spreading the virus more broadly when compared to Wuhan.  Yet our response is tepid at best.   If hand washing and “being smart” were sufficient Italy would not be in crisis.  So I pray the draconian measures are coming from our government, because they are required to stop the spread of the virus.   It’s better to start sooner than later as the cost is actually far greater if we wait.  I pray they close all schools and non-essential services the way that Italy and China have done. 3.    Spreading the virus puts those in the high-risk category at much greater risk.  This is the moral argument.  It’s a strong argument because there are only two ways, as of today, that the virus can be stopped:   let it run its course and infect 100s of millions of people, or social distancing.  There is no other way today.  If you don’t practice social distancing, people downstream from you that you transmit the virus to will die, and many will suffer. 4.    The risk of infection is increasing exponentially, because the quantity of infected people, most who will not show symptoms, is doubling every three days.  So the longer you wait to self-isolate, the greater the chance of you or someone you love becoming infected and then you infecting others because more of the population is becoming infected.  There are twice as many infected people today as there was on Tuesday. 5.    The virus is already in your town.  It’s everywhere.  Cases are typically only discovered when someone gets sick enough to seek medical attention.  This is important as it typically takes ~5 days to START showing ANY symptoms.  Here’s the math:  For every known case there are approximately 50 unknown cases.  This is because if I become sick, I infect several people today, and they infect a few people each tomorrow (as do I), and the total count of infected people doubles every 3 days until I get so sick I get hospitalized or get tested and become a “known case”.  But in the time it takes me to figure out I am sick 50 others downline from me now have the virus.  So every third day the infection rate doubles until I get so sick that I realize I have the virus an am hospitalized or otherwise tested.  Harvard and Massachusetts General Hospital estimate that there are 50x more infections than known infections as reported (citation below).  The implication of this is that the virus is already “everywhere” and spreading regardless if your city has zero, few or many reported cases.  So instead of the 1573 reported known cases today there are likely 78,650 cases, at least, in the United States.  Which will double to 157,300 by this Sunday.  And this will double to 314,600 cases by this coming Wednesday.  So in less than 1 week the number of total infected in the United States will quadruple.  This is the nature of exponential math.  It’s actually unfortunate that we are publishing the figures for known cases as it diverts attention away from more important numbers (like the range of estimated actual cases).  [Update as of 3/15/20 - I've been sent more research that may add clarity to the ACTUAL cases vs CONFIRMED cases and will update this post with any conclusions] 6.  Some people cannot, or will not, practice social distancing for a variety of reasons and will continue to spread the virus to many people.  So everyone else must start today.   The reasons above are why I have begun to practice social distancing.   It’s not easy.  But you should do it too. The hospitals will be at capacity and there are not enough ventilators. You will hear a lot about this issue in the coming few weeks... the shortage of ventilators. ISSUE TWO:  MANY PEOPLE ARE FOCUSED ON THE WRONG NUMBERS: Yes, the virus only kills a small percentage of those afflicted.  Yes, the flu kills 10s of thousands of people annually.  Yes, 80% of people will experience lightweight symptoms with COVID19.  Yes the mortality rate of COVID19 is relatively low (1-2%).  All of this true, but is immaterial.  They are the wrong numbers to focus on...   The nature of exponential math is that the infection rates start slowly, and then goes off like a bomb and overwhelms the hospitals. You will understand this math clearly in the next section if you do the short math exercise.  Evergreen hospital in Seattle is already in triage. I have heard credible reports from people on the ground that they are already becoming overwhelmed.  And the bomb won't really go off for a few more days.  Probably by Wednesday, March 18th (next week).  In just a few days from now we will hear grave reports from Seattle hospitals.   [update as of 3/15/20 - see the comments section below for an update from a staff member at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland, WA] You should assume the virus is everywhere at this point, even if you have no confirmed cases in your area. YOU SHOULD DO THIS SIMPLE 2 MINUTE MATH EXERCISE (NO REALLY TAKE TWO MINUTES AND DO IT): To further understand exponential growth, take the number of confirmed cases in your area and multiply by 10 (or 50 if you believe Harvard and Massachusetts General estimations) to account for the cases that are not yet confirmed. If you have no confirmed cases choose a small number.   I’d suggest 10 cases in your city, if no cases are yet reported.  But you can use whatever number you like.  This number of infected people doubles every ~3 days as the infection spreads. So literally take your number, and multiply by 2. Then do it again. Then do it again. Then do it again. Do this multiplication exercise 10 times in total. 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x (the number of estimated infections in your city today (not just the reported cases)).   This result is the estimate for the actual cases in your area 30 days from now.  The math will take 30 seconds to complete with a calculator and it’s worth doing the math to see how it grows.  This end number is the number of cases in your city 30 days from today if a large percentage of the population do not practice social distancing.   2 to the 10th power is 1024.  When something doubles 10 times, it's the same as multiplying by 1024.  The infection rate of the virus doubles every 3 days.  In thirty days there will be 1,024 times the number of infected people in your area as there is today if your community does not immediately put social distancing into practice.  One thousand and twenty four times as many infected people as there is today, in just 30 days.   Next, divide the final number (the scary big one) you just calculated by the current population of your city and you will be able to get the percentage of people THAT YOU KNOW PERSONALLY who will be infected 30 days from now.   Next take 15% (multiply by 0.15) of that final 30 day number of total infected people (the number you calculated by multiplying by 2 ten times). This will provide an estimate of the serious cases which will require hospitalization, and compare it to the number of beds and ventilators available at your local hospital.  Google the "number of beds" and the name of your local hospital now.  It takes 2 seconds and the number of beds is easy to find.  65% of beds are already occupied by patients unrelated to the coronavirus.  St Charles in Bend, Oregon where I live, has 226 beds and the town is roughly 100,000 people.  Most hospitals have on average, 40 or fewer ventilators.  5% of patients require ICU treatment.  There are very few ICU beds compared to regular beds in hospitals.  There are very few negative pressure areas in any hospital to deal with the containment of airborne diseases.   These numbers you just calculated are the Big Problem:  Too many patients, not enough beds, and a serious shortage of ventilators (the biggest problem) if we don't immediately begin social distancing.  More on this biggest problem related to the insufficient quantity of ventilators is below. COUNTRIES THAT GET OVERWHELMED WILL HAVE A MUCH GREATER MORTALITY RATE BECAUSE THEY WON’T BE ABLE TO ADEQUATELY CARE FOR THE SICK.   And by sick I mean not just coronavirus patients.  Your son or daughter that needs acute care surgery this May for his badly broken leg will be attended to by an orthopedic doctor that has been working at maximum capacity and working 18 hour shifts for 7 days every week for 6 weeks because it was required to care for all the coronavirus patients at her hospital.  Or the orthopedic surgeon will be sick with the virus and your son or daughter will be operated on in a tent in the hospital parking lot by a non-expert or a member of the National Guard.  Your elderly Mom that has diabetes and goes into acute distress next month may not receive ANY medical care because the doctors are consumed and have to prioritize patients based on triage guidelines based on success rate probabilities.  Your sibling’s family that are all injured in a terrible car crash in June will have diminished care.  If one of them needs a ventilator there will be none available because all of them will be in use by critical coronavirus patients.  Your young friend with cancer and a compromised immune system from treatment will succumb even though the cancer was curable and the treatment was working, because their body was too fragile to combat the coronavirus due to the chemotherapy and they couldn't receive the customized, acute care required due to the hospital being overwhelmed.  All of the above is currently happening in Italy, who had the same number of infections we have today just 2 weeks ago.  You must start social distancing today. The count of actual virus infections doubles every ~3 days. The news and government agencies are lagging in their response. So we hear that the US only has 1573 cases today (3/12/20) [update as of 3/15/20:  3115 confirmed cases), ( see https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/) and it doesn't seem like a lot.  It would be better to report the estimated actual cases, since reported cases don’t tell us much.  However, we know from China that the actual number of cases are at least an order of magnitude greater than the reported cases, because people get infected and do not display symptoms.  In math, an "order of magnitude" means ten times difference, or put another way, a factor of 10.  100 is 10 times greater than 10, so it's an order of magnitude greater.   Harvard Medical School / Massachusetts General Hospital just released their estimate (recording is here:   https://externalmediasite.partners.org/Mediasite/Play/53a4003de5ab4b4da5902f078744435a1d) that the actual cases are 50x greater than the reported cases.  So we likely have 75,000 cases in the United States already.  The number of reported cases is not that important. But let’s assume the current number of cases is only 10,000 ACTUAL cases in the United States just to be conservative and model out what will happen: If we don’t stop the virus from spreading, in 30 days we will have 2 to the 10th power more cases of infected people because the infection count doubles every 3 days (the virus doubles every 3 days and there are 10, 3 day periods in 30 days).   The math: 2 to the 10th power means 1,024 times as many cases as we have today (2 times 2 repeated 10 times).   This number is a catastrophically big problem for all of us:  We will have 10 million+ actual cases (10,000 actual cases today x 1,024) in the United States in just 30 days’ time if we continue without extreme social distancing.  10 million people with the virus.  And it will keep doubling every 3 days unless we practice social distancing. 15% of cases require significant medical attention, which means that 1.5 million people will require significant medical attention if 10 million people get infected (15% of 10 Million total infections = 1.5 million people requiring hospitalization).   1.5 million hospitalizations is way more than we have beds for at hospitals in the United States.  And 65% of all beds are already occupied in our hospitals.  But many patients (5%) with the virus need ICU beds, not just any old hospital bed.  Only about 10% of hospital beds are considered intensive care beds.  So we will have a huge bed shortage, but that is not the biggest problem, as we can erect temporary ICU shelters and bring in more temporary beds, as Italy has already done, and California and Washington hospitals have already done.   Evergreen Hospital in Seattle has already erected temporary triage tents in the parking lot as of 3/13/20.  All regular beds are full at Evergreen Hospital as of yesterday. Once the government of China, Norway, and Italy came to understand this math, they reacted accordingly and shut EVERYTHING down.  [update as of 3/15/20 now France has done the same lockdown]. Extreme social distancing is the only response available to stop the virus today.  The United States is not responding well nor are other countries like  the UK.  Countries that do not respond well will pay a much larger, catastrophic price. But hospital beds are not the big problem.  The lack of ventilators is the big problem.  Most estimates peg the ventilators in the United States at roughly 100,000 to 150,000 units.  See the study from last month: http://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/resources/COVID-19/200214-VentilatorAvailability-factsheet.pdf The primary and most serious comorbid (comorbid is a medical term that means co-existing or happening at the same time) condition brought on by the Coronavirus is something called bilateral interstitial pneumonia which requires ventilators for treatment of seriously ill patients.  So if 1.5M people of the 10 million infected 30 days from now require hospital care (15% of the 10M estimated total infections), 1.3M may not get the care that they need because we don’t have enough ventilators, beds, and ICU beds in the United States.  And remember, this is only if ALL OF US EFFECTIVELY start social distancing by April 11th (30 days from today).  This increases the mortality rate significantly. BUT IF WE START EXTREME SOCIAL DISTANCING BY MARCH 23 (12 days from original writing), WE AVOID OVER 1.4 MILLION PEOPLE GETTING CRITICALLY ILL AND OVERWHELMING THE HOSPITALS: If everyone takes extreme measures to social distance, and the United States can dramatically reduce the spread of the virus 12 days from now, the math is very different, as the exponential growth will only be 2 to the 4th power (12 days divided by the doubling rate of every 3 days equals the exponent of 4): 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 = 16 So instead of 10 Million cases in the United States if we wait 30 days, if we act 18 days sooner, we will have only 160,000 cases (16 times the estimated 10,000 actual cases as of today), of which 15% are likely to require hospitalization.  This is 24,000 critical patients (a huge difference compared to 1.5 million acute patients).   The difference between taking extreme measures now, versus waiting even a few days, is very large due to how exponents work in math. THE OUTCOME IS EVEN BETTER IF WE TAKE ACTION IN THE NEXT 6 DAYS:  If the vast majority of the population self isolates and implements social distancing in only 6 days from now the exponential math is 2 to the 2nd power (6 days divided by the 3 days it takes the virus to double means the exponent is only 2).  In math this is "two squared". 2 x 2 = 4   Multiplied by the estimated 10,000 ACTUAL cases as of today (3/12/20) that means only 40,000 total cases will develop, 15% of which may be critical which is 6,000 critical patients. This is why you should share this post broadly.  If people begin social distancing in the next 6 days it will greatly reduce the impact on all of us.  It's why they say a "post goes viral". SOCIAL DISTANCING WILL REDUCE THE FINANCIAL IMPACT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY: Finally, the longer everyone waits to practice significant social distancing the greater the economic hardship will be on all of us.  Lost jobs.  Mortgage defaults.  Closed businesses.  Bankruptcies.   All will be minimized if you start social distancing today. Some of the reasons the economic impacts will be reduced are worth mentioning:  If we stop the virus now the overall duration of the outbreak will be far shorter.  The stock market will normalize more quickly and recover more quickly.  Businesses and people will be able to survive a shorter duration outbreak vs a longer duration outbreak.   More companies will avoid bankruptcy if we begin to practice social distancing now. This is a big financial reason to begin social distancing if you are employed by any company:  if companies see that the virus is being slowed, they will be less likely to conduct layoffs.  You will be more likely to be laid off or experience a job-related event if we don’t practice social distancing immediately.  As an HR executive, I’ve been involved in many, many layoffs.  It’s the last thing companies want to do.  But if they see that the pandemic will be shorter lived vs long and drawn out, they are less likely to make the permanent decision of laying off staff. The overall economic impact that hits your bank account will be greater if you wait or you don’t practice social distancing.   This is why Norway acted now, because it’s less economic impact to take drastic measures early than to do them later, and it saves a lot of lives and suffering by doing so.  And Norway has only one confirmed death as of this writing.   Many people have suggested they want to support local restaurants and other businesses, who have seen sales drop by 50-90%.  Stopping by and visiting them won't save them.  What will save them is social distancing and what you do after the pandemic is over.  If you are concerned, call them and buy a gift certificate over the phone. START TODAY.  I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.  YOU MUST START TODAY.   Finally, the article that I posted yesterday written by Tomas Pueyo has been read 30M times in the last few days and has been updated with new information.  It’s worth reading again. Here’s that link.   https://medium.com/@tomaspueyo/coronavirus-act-today-or-people-will-die-f4d3d9cd99ca Other up to date data I frequently consult regarding the pandemic is here: https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ I hope this is helpful and useful.  My brain focuses on the math and I try and be fact based in my analysis and interpretation of how I should respond. THERE IS MORE INFORMATION IN THE COMMENTS BELOW WORTH READING AND I WILL BE UPDATING THIS POST, AND THE COMMENTS, WITH MORE INFORMATION, (AS OPPOSED TO CREATING NEW POSTS). MY FINAL PARTING THOUGHT:  Please share or forward this post at your discretion.   If everyone shares this post and two of your friends share this post and so on, we use the power of exponential math to work in our favor, which seems appropriate given the virus is using that same exponential math against us.   HOW YOU CAN REALLY HELP:  If you know people who have large numbers of followers, or people in the media, please leverage your personal relationship with them and ask them to amplify this post by sharing it or the Medium Post (link below)   For people not on Facebook you can email or text the link.   It would be useful to get the post on Twitter and LinkedIn by sharing the Medium post.  If you know people in government this fact-based post may help inform them to make the best decisions.   It's time for us humans to go on the offensive against the virus.  We must fight back.   There is only one way to do so:  Social Distancing.   Do it today. NOTE:  Anyone, including the media, is free to use this post, any related content, in all or in part, for any purpose, in any format, with no attribution required. Please direct message me if you have other ideas for how to raise awareness. Finally, I can no longer keep up with friend requests given how much this post has been shared.  To receive updates or follow me, please use the "Follow" button on Facebook.   3/16/20:  I am preparing a second post, now that 4 days have gone by since the first post. To receive it please follow me on FB.  I can not keep up with the friend requests. https://medium.com/@Jason_Scott_Warner/the-sober-math-everyone-must-understand-about-the-pandemic-2b0145881993 https://www.facebook.com/jason.scott.warner/posts/10163742243430144

[blssomings]

☕ . ˚ ◝  (  kim yerim. cis female. she/her. ) bohee park is a twenty year old taurus. the tennis player’s go-to order is an iced chai latte with almond milk and a cinnamon raisin bagel. they like to listen to dreams by the cranberries while they wait for their order. the employees of the deja brew think they are indolent but swear they’re totally generous as well. maybe that’s why falling in love with strangers, scuffs on knees and elbows, and laying in bed until two remind me of them.

hi there !! i'm bee ( . . . as in bumble -- what a bad joke JNNVMBNC ), and wow, i’m so, so, so excited to be here! this here is the light of my life bohee. the long + short with her is that she has two modes: going, going, going or nothing at all. she means well but she’s notorious for being unreliable. there’s some more info about my little blossom under the cut, and be sure to tap the heart and i’ll come to you. 💖❤️💕

                                          BASICS. 💕

birth name : bohee  park

nicknames : "  blossom,  "  or  "  bo.  "

birthday : may  14th  ,  1999

gender : cis-gender female

zodiac sign : taurus

hometown : anaheim  ,  california  ,  united  states

current residence : downtown    los    angeles  ,  california  ,  united  states

family : edward  park (  father  /  sanitation  worker  )  ,  park  (  mother  /  middle  school  english  teacher  )  ,  two  older  siblings  +  two  younger  siblings.

sexual orientation : pansexual    /    panromantic.

positive traits : generous     ,     polite     ,     adoring     ,     intuitive     ,     &     golden-hearted.

negative traits : headstrong     ,     deceitful     ,     crass     ,     lackadaisical     ,       &     slow-moving.

                                          ETC. INFO. 💕

born the middle child of five ( two sisters + two brothers, ) bohee’s family was full of talented people. music constantly echoed throughout the park house, while paints and pencils were scattered everywhere. from a young age, bohee knew her siblings were special, but their excellence only emphasized her . . . well, lack thereof.

her eldest sister was a beautiful painter, while her eldest brother had written three plays before the age of nineteen. the younger twins were an incredible violinist and a genius, respectively. bohee had no clue where she fit in; growing up in the park house of wonders was incredibly lonely when you’re the only one who’s not wonderful.

bohee’s jealous nature wouldn’t allow her to sit idly by and watch her siblings get all of the spotlight. she wasn’t going to mope around and wait for her calling to call out to her; she was going to find it.

and it was rough. art was never her forte. she couldn’t carry a tune and it was often hard for her to perfect stick figures. it seemed like she would never find her talent. maybe her parents lied, maybe some people simply aren’t good at anything. bohee was so ready to throw in the towel and accept her inadequate fate. 

. . . that was until she stepped foot on the tennis court. finding tennis was simply a fluke. a friend at the time wanted to join the team but couldn’t muster up the courage to go by herself. bohee didn’t really care much, so she offered to tag along but the moment the coach put a racket in her hands, everything clicked into place.

( long story short ) she’s a semi-professional tennis player who tends to stop at the deja brew before ( and, don’t tell her coach or her trainer ) or after practice. the fact that she could probably down a gallon of iced chai isn’t something that she should be proud of, but it’s not her fault the baristas are so dang good at their job.

bohee might look cute on the outside, but if you catch her on the right day, she’s quite the contender. yes, she likes to laugh and joke around, but certain things aren’t laughing matters. for bohee, tennis is one of them.

another thing that’s not a laughing matter is music. unfortunately for her ( and everyone around her ) she never grew out of that thirteen-year-old phase where she thought that liking old music was a personality trait. half of her paychecks go to the local record shop, where everyone knows her by name.

can and often does put the ‘b’ in bitchy. she’s a taurus, so you KNOW she’s stubborn. she’s also prone to tunnel vision, so to anyone who gets in the way of what she wants ( and she’s not picky; it can be anything like a win at a match to a specific cart at the grocery store ) i have this to say: good luck. i’m sorry, but good luck.

bohee is loyal to a fault. she’s quite standoffish at first, but when she decides that someone is up to her ( well, not so ) high standards, she would go to the end of the world and back again for them.

she’s The Worst though because she’ll get into moods ( especially during the off-season ) where all she does is sit in bed and play her old kirby video games all the way through. if anyone tries to come and get her out of the house, they’ll have to face her wrath.

she’s also got a hint of a god complex HAHA. to her? she manages to both be the coolest person ever and the worst . . . all at the same time.

will hype anyone up tho! she’s a one-woman hype group. she’s the friend who comments all the heart and star emojis on someone’s instagram post, and she’s the first one to call you on your birthday uwu

. . . pls love her. sure she’s the world’s smallest dweeb and can be a brat BUT she means well !!!

                                         POSSIBLE PLOTS. 💕 

i’ve got a real plots page here!! stuff will be added soon.

uhuhuh PLEASE give her like a tight-knit friend group!!!! they send stale memes, clown each other and sing along to old songs in the car.

someone who gets under her skin TOO much. no matter how hard bohee tries to ignore this person, she really can’t and she is always drawn back to them.

best friend! ride or die best friend! regardless of if they’ve known each other for a few years or their whole lives, they’re each other’s go-to person. breakup? hang out and talk about it. job promotion? hang out and talk about it. any minor inconvenience? hang out and talk about it.

OOOOH maybe your muse wants to take up tennis as a hobby / for giggles and bohee’s their impromptu instructor ( she’s trying to make that $$$$. )

exes? friends? one-night-stands? enemies? people who she smiles to when she sees them at the cafe? yes, yes, yes, please!

if you have read all this . . . thank u so much !!! i should be around on tumblr im for the rest of the night, but if not then my discord is clown college valedictorian #8254 :~)

[tenscupcake]

Kingdom Hearts 3 - An Honest Review

I’d like to preface this review by saying I am an unabashed Kingdom Hearts geek. Like, through and through. I played KH1 when I was just a tween, and have picked up a copy every installment since (in some cases, even bought the entire console just to play that one game). I still have CDs of the game soundtracks, a few discs which have nearly burnt out on replay in my car. Sanctuary After the Battle will forever make me cry, whether or not I’m watching the cutscene that goes along with it. I’ve replayed most of the titles multiple times. Wasted away hours on YouTube watching Story So Far recaps and funny commentaries about the games in preparation for KH3. Like millions of other enthusiasts, I have been eagerly and patiently (all right, sometimes not so patiently) awaiting the arrival of KH3 since the moment I first finished KH2 – 13 very, very long years ago.

At around eight o’clock on premiere night, I took my place in line at my local GameStop wearing my Kingdom Hearts t-shirt and pajama pants, brandishing the miniature Kingdom Key clipped to my lanyard. Finally holding that blue case in my hands was absolutely surreal. One of those natural highs it took me hours to come down from. Tears welled up in my eyes at the first few somber piano keys as the title screen faded into view.

Lots of people asked me, in the weeks and even months leading up to the release (because believe me, at any opportunity, I would not shut up about how excited I was about this game), if I thought it would live up to the hype. Pfft, I thought. People outside the KH fandom never understand. Of course it will. Sure, the series has had its weak links, its hiccups (the battle system in COM and the perpetual re-releases of old games with minor tweaks, to name a couple). But with the compelling cinematic storytelling and uniquely delightful gameplay of the main series’ smash hits - KH1, KH2, and BBS – in their repertoire, I knew the team at Square was capable of pulling this off. To me, it was just a given that it would be epic. That playing it would be worth all the years of waiting. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind this game was going to be lit. As. Hell.

I’m only saying all this so as not to give the impression I went into this game looking to find flaws, to nitpick it. Or with the expectation of being disappointed. In fact, quite the opposite.

I wanted to love this game. To me, loving KH games is one of very few constants in my life. I was supposed to love this game. I needed to love this game.

But the truth is, I didn’t.

That statement has been pretty difficult for me to come to terms with.

In what few early reviews and videos I’ve found of people discussing their thoughts on the game, I’ve found fans to be quite split: with some unreservedly loving, others downright hating the game.

I fall somewhere in the middle of the polarized fandom. I did NOT hate the game. It was actually a good, if not great game. But putting it on a sliding scale of satisfaction and disappointment, I would say it’s tipping toward the latter. And as it’s taken me hours of mulling, reading, and discussing with other players to characterize and articulate precisely why, and because I think I owe it not only to the series and the characters therein, but also my younger self to leave no stone unturned, this review is going to be a long one.

I’m finding it easiest to break it down by category:

Graphics.

This game is beautiful. It was sort of a dream come true to meander around in real time with the gorgeously, smoothly animated versions of Sora and the gang that we’d previously only been able to see in the rare cinematic cutscenes at each game’s beginning and end. Most of the Disney and even Pixar worlds and characters are rendered to nearly the same quality as their film counterparts. I often found myself just standing in place for a while, admiring it all. The vivid green landscapes of Corona, the beaches and sprawling sea in the Caribbean, the towering cityscape of San Fransokyo. And walking on water where the sky meets the sea? Stunning.

Gameplay.

All in all, this game is pretty damn fun to play. It was all I thought about during long days at work: I couldn’t wait to jump back into the action. Pounding on Heartless still brings me back to the good old days. And who doesn’t want to run up the side of buildings as Riku and Roxas demonstrated so epically, so long ago, in the World That Never Was? Soar to sky-high Heartless as easily as you can lock onto them? These new movement aspects brought an almost superhero-esque quality to the game, reminiscent of Spider-man’s wall-crawling or Batman’s grappling hook, that, if a bit unrealistic, I found to be immense fun. And compared to previous games, worlds are no longer cordoned off into many separate areas, and with the sheer scale of them, KH3 experiments with a quasi-open-world style that is rather freeing.

I also really appreciate that the character interactions with your party and with NPCs felt much less clunky. For one thing, they FINALLY did away with the press X-to-progress text-only conversations that were so prevalent in previous games, with all the dialogue left to voice actors. Even minor NPCs that only show up one time were given a voice, making every interaction that much more immersive. Transitions from cutscenes to the action were also much more fluid, and Sora and his current teammates talk to one another as you pow around. Even if it’s just a warning from Goofy you’re going the wrong way, or a heads-up from Donald there’s an ingredient or lucky emblem nearby, it was still a new feature I was glad to have.

Combat-wise, this game has a lot going for it. This installment brings nearly all the combat styles we’ve seen up until this point: magic, combos, form changes, flowmotion, shotlock, companion team-ups, and links. And it even introduces a few new ones on top of all this: the ability to swap between three different keyblades at will, and the new Disney parks-inspired attraction commands, where you can summon roller coasters, tea cups, and spinning carousels to your heart’s content. What this enables is for the player to never get bored during a battle. With so many options to choose from in each new enemy encounter, you never have to stick with the same combat style or get stuck in a rut of just mashing X to hack and slash everything. All things considered, Sora’s got some pretty sick moves this time around. Whipping out Thundaza, watching lightning explode across the screen and zap all the enemies in sight with it? Wicked. Floating above the ground, wreaking ethereal, glowing havoc with the Mirage Staff? Awesome. Surrounded by a sea of Heartless, locking onto 32 different targets at once and unleashing a flurry of lasers to slash through them all? Amazing. Thumbs getting fatigued fighting the third maddening iteration of Xehanort? Give yourself a break from the chaos in a giant, technicolor pirate ship, watching it thwack your adversary on every rock back and forth.

On one hand, the hefty damage most of these combat options deal gives the game an almost Ratchet and Clank-esque ‘blowing shit up’ vibe, which is undeniably fun. But, this array of choices does become a double-edged sword. With grand magic, attraction commands, form changes, and team attacks all fighting for space atop the command deck, they tend to pile up quickly. It’s not at all uncommon to rack up three or four different situation commands after only about 30 seconds of fighting. Sometimes, the constant need to make a choice, especially in a busy battle, can be more of a burden than a blessing. Having to shift between situation command selections on top of attacking, blocking, and accessing your shortcuts can be a bit cumbersome.

Unlike in previous games, there also aren’t many consequences for over-using special attacks. In KH2, your drive gauge ran out and needed to be slowly refilled. You also ran the increasingly high risk of morphing into the near-helpless Anti-Sora by relying too much on drive forms. But here, no matter how many times you’ve used a special attack, your MP will reload in a few seconds, and you can easily just ignore the situation command for Rage Form when it pops up. In BBS, it felt like it took a good while to power up to a form change, whereas in KH3 it seems like you can spend just as much time in a powered-up keyblade form change as in regular combat.

And, because so many of these situation commands are so powerful and frequent, they tend to dominate the entire battle, making the combat in the game much easier than previous games. Bordering on too easy. Where in other entries in the main series, I usually had to die several times on each boss in Proud mode before I devised the right strategy to defeat them, I rarely died at all in this game. On the surface, that isn’t such a bad thing. As I like to say a lot of the time, when I play a game “I’m here for a good time, not a hard time.” But there comes a point when the combat is so easy that it no longer gives you that sense of accomplishment when you progress past a tough batch of heartless or a particularly merciless boss – you know, that punching the air, whooping to yourself sort of pride. I was definitely missing that, at times.

Believe it or not, I think the Disney attraction commands, though powerful, and at first hilarious, were a bit too extra. After only a few hours in they just became annoying, and I was doing my best to ignore them when they popped up, even wishing I could turn them off. Now and then, I’d accidentally trigger the Blaster or the raft ride and just roll my eyes while canceling back out of it. Because it doesn’t really feel like you’re doing any fighting, let alone the real-time keyblade-style fighting uniquely special to this series. And forget trying to effectively aim while you’re in one. After a while the only thing I found them useful for was, as I mentioned earlier, taking a break from a fight when you’re fatigued, as they give your thumbs a break and cause you to take much less damage. While they were cool at first, my final impression of this addition to the combat was all flash, no substance.

I was one of the few who actually liked and took advantage of flowmotion in DDD, and was excited to see it brought back here. But this, too, turned out to be mostly another annoyance. I’m not sure if it’s because the actionable objects are so much more spread out in KH3, or because they actually built in restrictions on combos here, but I was unable to keep a flow going at all. After only one successful strike after leaping off a wall or pole, the blue glow of momentum vanished. It didn’t feel like “flowmotion” at all, just a one-and-done special attack that tended to kill any rhythm I had going moreso than facilitate it. So while conceptually and visually it was promising, I unfortunately no longer found it very useful.

Also, and I realize this is completely subjective, but I found the form changes to be stylistically underwhelming overall. I thought the drive forms in KH2 (especially Master and Final) were visually and stylistically cooler, and seemed to have more finesse.

Worlds.

When I was whisked away from San Fransokyo and landed in the final world of the game, I found myself disappointed by the number of worlds I’d been to, expecting there to be a handful more. Though, when I counted the worlds up, the tally was at nine. So I asked myself why it felt like so little, when nine didn’t seem like a small number. But, tallying up the worlds in previous games, KH1 had 13, KH2 had 15, and BBS had 10. Which does put KH3 on the low end of world count. Also, in all three of these previous games (especially KH2 and BBS), you had to return to these worlds more than once, usually unlocking new content and/or areas each time, leading it to feel like there were more worlds than there actually were. Though KH3 has a comparable length of gameplay to complete the story, it definitely does feel like it comes up short in terms of variety of worlds you get to visit. As a result, some of the worlds where you spend 3 or 4 hours at a time can start to feel like they’re dragging on a little bit. And on the flipside of that, there are certain worlds that you technically do visit in KH3 I did not include in the world count, because you are there for such a fleeting amount of time, or in such a tiny portion of the world – e.g. Land of Departure, the Realm of Darkness. Worlds that would have been awesome to get to actually explore! And perhaps the biggest letdown of all, though you get to visit Destiny Islands and Radiant Garden via cutscenes, there is no play time in either. Serious bummer.

As far as the worlds they did choose to include, the selection admittedly left me ambivalent. I was really glad to see Toy Story, Monsters Inc., and Big Hero 6 included, but wasn’t over the moon about any of the others. I was really counting on having a Wreck-It-Ralph world (I mean, how perfect would that be?), and would love to have seen them tackle Zootopia, Wall-E, Meet the Robinsons, or the Incredibles. I’d even settle for a return to Halloween Town (shameless NBC fangirl, what can I say). The Emperor’s New Groove could have been pretty damn funny. Even A Bug’s Life or Finding Nemo could have offered some unique gameplay opportunities. Certainly better content to work with than Frozen, at any rate.

As far as the plot/experience within the worlds, I also found it to be a mixed bag. I did enjoy all of them, even ones I did not expect to enjoy too much (i.e. Frozen and Pirates). Honestly, though, I found myself a bit bored in worlds where they followed the plot of the films too closely, to the point that it felt like an abridged re-hash of the movies. I know they’ve taken this approach before with earlier Kingdom Hearts games, and I may sound like a hypocrite for only critiquing it now. But I think even in stories where they did do this earlier, like Tarzan or Aladdin, they executed the re-tellings more successfully. The plotline was altered just enough to ensure Sora was a part of the action through and through. After playing those games, Sora was indelibly inserted into those films in my head. To where the next time I watched them, I was jokingly asking myself “Where’s Sora?” But that was not the feeling I got here. In worlds like Corona or the Caribbean, Sora was just sort of jammed into the plot where he didn’t really fit. In many of the longer cutscenes, I actually forgot Sora was even there – even forgot I was playing Kingdom Hearts. Sora didn’t really feel needed. I definitely found it more enjoyable to be part of a new adventure with the characters – like what was done with Toy Story and Big Hero 6, where Sora was able to play more of an active role in progressing the subplot. It was nice to feel like I mattered!

Extras.

These were hit-or-miss for me. I actually screeched with excitement when Sora and the gang ran into Remy, and enjoyed the scavenger hunt for ingredients. And while cooking with little chef was a treat I wouldn’t want to see cut from the game, I found most of the cooking mini-games to be simultaneously too short (less than 10 seconds each!) and needlessly hard to master (especially cracking that egg).

Admittedly a Disney and Disneyland fanatic, I also got a kick out of the lucky emblems (aka hidden mickeys). I thought they were one of the most fun collectibles we’ve seen to date in the franchise.

Which brings me to one of the more controversial extras in the game: the gummiphone! While a lot of people are ragging on the inclusion of this dynamic, I enjoyed it. The Instagram loading screens were a little jarring at first, but they really grew on me. And being able to point the camera at Goofy, Sully, or Hiro and watch them pose for a picture in real-time was nothing short of adorable.

Another thing that surprised me? The game’s occasional self-awareness. I almost included a separate category for this, because I’ve never seen another game do this, and did not see it coming! But the “KINGDOM HEARTS II.9” title screen gave me a good chuckle. It doesn’t make up for all the 1.5, 2.8, 0.2 nonsense we’ve had to put up with, but it’s at least nice to see they can poke fun at their own ridiculousness. And when Sora laments how long it’s been since he’s seen the folks in Twilight Town; then Hayner, confused and even a little creeped out, says “It hasn’t been that long”. Simply acknowledging the vast disconnect between the short time that’s passed in-universe since KH2 and how egregiously long the fans had to wait – well, it had me in stitches. It was morbid laughter, sure, but refreshing nonetheless.

Um, the folk dancing in the square in Corona? Literal funniest thing ever.

One thing that I really missed? Closing keyholes. Finishing worlds wasn’t the same without them.

At this point in the review, I’ve covered basically every aspect I can think of save for one: the story. I’ve purposely saved it for last, because it’s the most important aspect of the series to me, the one that can make or break a Kingdom Hearts game.

From the categories I’ve judged thus far – content, visuals, gameplay, extras – I’d probably give this game a solid 8 or 9/10. I had some issues with the overly cluttered combat, the difficulty level, and the slight disappointment with which worlds were included and the ways they chose to play out the subplots in each. But in the grand scheme of things, all these complaints are minor, and don’t detract from the fact that it’s just plain fun, in a new league with some of the most entertaining and most beautiful titles out there.

But that’s exactly it. Beautiful graphics are the new bare minimum for this generation of console gaming. If a game released for the PS4 or Switch isn’t visually outstanding, it runs a real risk of faltering behind the competition. There is no shortage of beautiful games on the market in 2019.

And if I want a fun game, I can pop back into Mario Odyssey or get a group together to duke it out in Super Smash Ultimate. I can easily download a dozen fun platformers on Steam for less than 50 bucks.

Yes, KH3 is really beautiful, and really fun.

But that’s not why I was so excited to play it.

A legion of kids and teenagers stuck with this series well into their twenties and thirties, never giving up on the release of the next installment. Trudged through handheld games and blocky graphics and clunky battle systems and convoluted plot lines. Why? Well, of course I can’t speak for all KH fans, but for me, and all the ones I know personally, it’s because of the story. It’s always been what, in my mind, sets KH apart from any other video game I’ve ever played. It’s the only game series that’s ever made me cry. The only one I’ve ever owned merchandise for. The only one I’ve ever been so invested in that I can discuss it with friends, even acquaintances, for hours on end. The only one that’s made me care so much about the characters that they feel like my friends. With how much time has passed since I started, maybe even my kids. No pun intended, the series has heart. It contains the same sort of magic that going to Disneyland as a child did. Or, it used to.

Kingdom Hearts 3 didn’t need to just be a great game. It needed to be a Kingdom Hearts game. One that built a wove a compelling story filled with intrigue and emotion from the first hour. One that did justice to all the characters (and by now, there are a lot of them) that we’ve grown to love over the last 17 years. One where a prepubescent kid can yell a speech up at a threatening villain that makes you believe, harder than you’ve ever believed, in the power of friendship. One that instills a childlike optimism that no matter how dark the world gets, as long as someone keeps fighting, good can still triumph over evil. One that tugs on the heartstrings in just the right ways, at just the right moments, to manage to make you cry – repeatedly – over a gang of outspoken, angsty kids with clown feet.

The thing about the story in KH3 is: it’s not inherently a bad story. Sure, it’s a mess, it doesn’t make much sense, it leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s incredibly cheesy, and it retcons a good deal of lore from previous installments. But many of these things could be said of other Kingdom Hearts games. The fact that these descriptors apply to KH3 isn’t what disqualifies it as a worthy entry in the series, in my mind.

For the most part, it’s not the story itself I found disappointing. After all, think about how a summary sounds on paper: reunions with long lost characters, long-awaited battles, conclusions of lengthy character and story arcs. 

The biggest problem wasn’t so much the concept of the story, but rather the execution.

First of all, the pacing. The pacing was terrible. Almost nothing happens the first 20-25 hours of the game. I can think of maybe two scenes that got me on the edge of my seat, gripping my controller in the hopes it would advance the plot further: the scene with Mickey and Riku in the realm of darkness where you get to play as Riku for a few minutes (sadly the only time in the game that you do), and running into Vanitas in Monstropolis. Nothing. Else. Happened. Sure you run into Larxene in Arendelle, and goof around chasing Luxord in the Caribbean, but none of this is actually relevant to the plot we care about. Certainly not the plot the story is telling us to care about from the beginning.

And that leads me to the second issue – how vague your objective actually is. The ultimate objective of the game seems clear enough: rescue Aqua from the realm of darkness, maybe worry about the other two Wayfinder trio once we’ve found her, and defeat Xehanort. But this is not Sora’s given objective. Rather, it’s to find the ‘power of waking.’ Which is not explained, either to Sora or the player. Sora, on the other hand, appoints himself to another mission entirely: contemplating the unfairness of Roxas’ disappearance, he seems to mainly be focused on finding him and restoring him to a physical existence. However, this mission is starkly at odds with the canonical explanation of Nobodies in general and Roxas, specifically. The last time we saw Roxas (chronologically speaking) he reunited with Sora, and as far as we know, he’s still part of Sora. So, the mission to “find” Roxas as if he exists as an entity in the real world is perplexing. Second, lacking hearts, Nobodies can’t exist as a whole on their own. So even assuming we can “find” him in Sora, how far we going to bring him back without splintering Sora into a Heartless and a Nobody again? Even according to the series’ own complex lore, it doesn’t make sense. Therefore, the first half or more of the game seems aimless, not really knowing what we’re meant to be doing, or how. It’s hard to be invested in a story with no clear objective. Not something we can easily get on board with like “Find Riku and Kairi” or “Track down the Organization.” Just “Go find the power of waking.” Okay.

And while a lot (and I mean a lot) happens in the last 4-5 hours of the story to tie up loose ends, it’s crammed together in such a jumbled rush that it’s almost impossible to appreciate any of it.

After collecting Aqua and Ventus, long lost characters reappear on screen one right after another assembly-line style, to the point that none of them feels special or poignant anymore.

Not only that, but the characters who are brought back, many of them beloved protagonists from earlier installments in the series, are not given any time to shine.

It was promising when they let Aqua fight Vanitas in the newly restored Land of Departure. Ven is her friend, her responsibility; it was her fight. But with this taste of getting back a playable character from the franchise, I expected that as the plot progressed, it would open up plenty more chances for past protagonists to take the stage. That we’d be able to step back into the oversized shoes of other playable characters we’d missed. That when (or if) others returned in all their glory, they’d get to strut their stuff.

But that is precisely the opposite of what happened.

I mean, Ventus didn’t get to steal the spotlight for the final clash with Vanitas? By definition, his natural foil?

Terra didn’t get to exact his revenge in an epic showdown with Xehanort, the guy who stole his body and enslaved him for more than a decade?

Roxas and Axel, reunited, couldn’t team up to pound on the Organization members that tormented them? Instead, after his surprise entrance, Roxas got hardly any screen presence at all, and Axel’s epic new flaming keyblade got destroyed, making him sit out most of the fighting after all the build up that he was training to fight?

Oh, and you know who else was utterly useless through the final battles, demoted once again to a damsel in distress despite years of hype that she’d wield a keyblade in this installment, and multiple cutscenes indicating she, too, was training to actually fight? Yup. I don’t even need to say the name.

And to only get one small boss fight as Riku, when in the previous installment he had half the screen time?

The heroes we’ve missed for so long and longed to return to the screen are not resurrected with the dignity and respect they deserve. They are relegated to side characters, who are either completely sidelined for the final battles, or else just hacking away mindlessly in the background as you marathon one ridiculously easy “boss” after another Olympus Coliseum-style.

Speaking of resurrecting characters: the manner in which they brought some of them back was so nebulous it was impossible to understand, let alone experience any sort of emotional reaction.

For one: Roxas. For starters, it’s pretty lazy writing to have Sora be the one pursuing his return (however that was supposed to happen), only to have that pursuit peter out completely, and for Roxas to just appear at the final battle with no resolution or explanation of how. (Nor the satisfaction of fleshing out how Sora achieved it.) But more importantly, where did he come from? There was no scene in which he emerged from Sora’s being. So, where was he? Also, I get that they must have used the replica Demyx/Ansem brought Ienzo as a vessel for him, but how does he have his own heart now? There was no evidence to indicate Sora or Ven lost theirs again. This is a pretty glaring plot hole.

Second? Naminé. This one really came out of left field. No one had even spoken about Naminé the entire game, save one throwaway line. Then all of a sudden, near the very end of the game, everyone cares about bringing her back, too? Even Sora, despite his hours-long obsession with bringing back Roxas without a word about Naminé, sees a newly empty vessel and asks “Oh, is that for Naminé?” All I could do at this point was laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

Even more confusing? Xion. She was a replica, with no heart, no personality... a walking vial for Sora’s memories. How on Earth did she get brought back? What was there to bring back? And what was the point? Xion always felt far more like a plot device than an actual character.

At this point, so little made sense and so many characters had appeared in a row with no regard for continuity or maintaining canon that my heart was really starting to sink. It all felt like it was meant to be fan service. Bring back everyone’s favorite characters: they’ll love that, right? But the issue is they did it no matter what rules they had to break, or canon they had to ignore. Sure, I wanted a lot of these characters back, I think a lot of people did. But not at the expense of good writing.

Even if one completely excuses the hole-filled poor writing that got us there, it didn’t even feel real that we had these awesome characters back. Because they just sort of existed, as high-def cool anime hair and porcelain skin and not much else. Not only did they not get to show us what they’re made of in epic fight sequences, but there was no meaningful dialogue from any of them. Where was Terra giving his friends any sort of recollection of his time as Ansem’s guardian? Riku and Roxas making amends? Aqua thanking Sora for keeping Ven safe? A brofest about protecting their friends between Riku and Terra? Axel saying anything at all meaningful to his best friend when he finally saw him again? For all the reunions we got, it was shocking how little substance there actually was in any of them. 

It was an insanely rushed ending, with stunted, shallow dialogue, and awkward tears that felt forced rather than genuine.

KH3 is to KH1&2 what Moffat Who is to RTD Who. A lot more flash, a lot less substance, and hollowed out characters that no longer provoke deep emotion.

Characters’ emotions were not handled well in this game. Like when Sora, notorious for being a persistent optimist, dissolves to hysterics and claims he’s “nothing” without his friends. But we never get to see this sharp departure from his M.O. (because he has lost his friends over and over throughout the series without reacting this way) really wrestled with. It’s just swept under the rug after a single line from Riku. It’s okay for characters to hit rock bottom: in fact, it’s good for them. But such episodes have to be properly fleshed out, or they won’t have an impact.

Also, just my two cents? Making your characters cry is not a shortcut to get your audience to cry. It’s a lazy way of demonstrating feeling. In the writing world, there’s something called “show, don’t tell.” Making characters cry left and right with hardly any time devoted to the proper dialogue and action is the equivalent of telling, rather than showing. This series is unique to me precisely because it’s the only video game to make me cry (repeatedly). But I didn’t shed a tear in this game. And I think that is so telling. I always think of this behind the scenes video I watched for Doctor Who, in which they filmed different versions of a (very) emotional scene. In one of these versions, the Doctor properly breaks down and cries. David (the actor) upon seeing this version played back to him, said: “I worry if you see him breaking down, it stops you breaking down, as well.” He was onto something there. They didn’t end up using that take in the episode, and I think everyone would agree it was the right call. I’m not saying crying is inherently bad and always to be avoided. In fact, the opposite: it can be very powerful if used sparingly, and at the right moments with the right build-up. But overusing it, with no apparent regard for characterization nuances, basically making it your only method for tell your audience a character is emotional? It’s a little insulting. You also need good dialogue, good acting (or in this case, good animation and voice acting), and proper timing if you want to strike a chord with anyone.

Which, speaking of, I thought both the dialogue and the voice acting in the game as a whole left something to be desired (and seemed almost painfully slow?), and I think a big reason why emotional moments tended to ring hollow.

Onto another aspect of the story: how it ties in to earlier installments in the series. There was a fair amount of speculation going into this game whether or not smaller, handheld-console based installments and extra nuggets from mobile games and re-releases would be relevant in KH3. But regardless of which side of the argument fans fell on, the fact remains that many fans had only played KH1 and KH2, possibly BBS, prior to playing KH3. Many people don’t have the money or the interest in playing on multiple handheld consoles (me being one of them, though I toughed it out in this case) or cell phones, nor the tireless dedication and yes, more money, to purchase games a second time for Final Mix versions and secret endings. This is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean they are bad fans, or less deserving of playing or enjoying KH3. Someone should not have to be a zealous super-fan to be able to enjoy a video game, or any form of entertainment. If you show up to Avengers: Endgame without having seen some of the previous major installments in the film franchise, you are probably going to be confused. I don’t recommend doing that. But is it necessary to have re-watched them all 20 times, speculated for hours on blogs and message boards, and read decades worth of Avengers comics to be able to understand it? Of course not. Though some insufferable comic book elitists insist they’re better than everyone else because they know more about the Marvel universe, the fact is you don’t have to be a Marvel super-fan to enjoy the films. That’s how it should be. Because it’s okay to be a casual fan of something. Content creators normally recognize this, and respect all of their audience. But here, there was critical information from pretty much every spinoff handheld game that you needed in order to have any idea what was going on. There wasn’t even any recap system like in KH2 (the static memories) to get you up to speed on what had happened in the series up until this point. Not to mention the location of the final boss fight, as well as the very last cutscenes centered around a mobile game/movie that I had never even heard of until I was in the middle of playing KH3. Now I am something of a KH geek as I said, so I’ve sat through Union Cross now and done my best to understand some of the more obscure lore. But, call me crazy, I don’t think it’s fair to expect every single person who plays the game to do that in order to understand it. Games are supposed to be fun, not homework.

Which brings me to my last point: this game was supposed to be the end of the saga as we know it. Whether it’s the end of the series or simply the end of this story arc and subsequent games will follow a villain besides the many iterations of Xehanort is yet to be seen (as of me writing this), but it was established this game would be the end to the main trilogy so far. And, to have that end be the main character swanning off on his own (as some have speculated, possibly to his death)? With everyone else from the series partying on the beach like someone important isn’t missing? As someone who came into this game expecting closure, I felt completely blindsided by this ending. After all he’s been through and all the sacrifices he’s made, Sora deserves better.

Kingdom Hearts 3 was visually and mechanically a blast, and credit should go to the developers, artists, and designers where credit is due. But as a fan who plays this series not for graphics or flashy gameplay, but to immerse myself in the story, I’m left feeling cheated. The way the plot unfolded and the way the characters were handled did a disservice to both long-time fans of the saga and to the characters themselves.

I always have a hard time with this, but if I had to put a number to it? I’d say maybe 6/10.

It hurt just to type that.

I’m not giving up hope in the franchise. If there’s ever a KH4 (which still seems unclear right now), I’ll probably still play it. I’m trying to give the creators the benefit of the doubt: they were under a lot of pressure to create a great game, and had too much time in development on their hands and too many sprawling ideas and tried to do too much at once. I’m all for second chances. But if they want the trust of fans like me back, they’re going to have to earn it.

Over the last couple months as I’ve put together this review, I’ve found myself in doubt. Even, dare I say it, like a bad fan, though in principle I vehemently reject the notion someone is a bad fan for disliking an installment of any franchise they love. Am I just too old for Kingdom Hearts now? I wondered. Was I romanticizing the series the whole time, and it’s not as good as I’ve built it up to be in my head? After all my time spent waiting, am I being too critical? I tortured myself over it. So, a couple of weeks after finishing KH3, I popped in the 1.5/2.5 HD compilation into the PS4 and restarted KH2. I had to see if it even came close to the hype I’d built in my head in the 8 or 9 years since I played it last. Almost 60 hours of gameplay later, I can say with confidence that I had not romanticized it at all. This game is amazing. I didn’t mind watching 30 minutes of cutscenes at a time because everything is so compelling. So the graphics are dated, but who cares? The combat is FUN without ever being cumbersome. It’s just the right level of difficulty that there are still some battles and bosses that require multiple attempts and the journey continuously instills a sense of pride and accomplishment. It has so much heart. I still teared up in the same places I used to as a teenager.

KH2 is still a perfect 10/10, and playing it again with fresh eyes only made me realize just how disappointing KH3 actually was.

There’s an old adage that it’s the things we love most that hurt us the most. I wouldn’t feel so let down, or compelled to write 6800 words why, if I didn’t love this series with all my heart. I’ve seen a lot of fans insulting and belittling anyone who dares to criticize the game online, and frankly I’m baffled by that. I critique and discuss all forms of entertainment I enjoy: and that includes both the strengths and weaknesses, the successes and flaws. And I guess I tend to associate with people who do the same. It doesn’t make us bad fans, but passionate ones. I’m not sending hate mail to Square telling them the game unequivocally sucks. I don’t have any ill will towards them or think they’re irredeemable writers or developers. I’m simply recording and posting my honest thoughts to help myself process how I’m feeling, and perhaps others if they choose to read them.

I’m genuinely happy for the fans who loved the game and felt it worth the wait – I don’t want to pick any fights with them (so please don’t pick any fights with me, either). I’m sadly - believe me, no one is sadder than me to admit this - just not one of them.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Avatar

Hyperbole is a real bitch. No matter what direction it goes in, it can seriously hamper a movie’s reputation. It’s the reason why I always just give a broad recommendation at the end of my reviews rather than a score; I find saying “Hey if you like this genre/subject matter/actor/etc, you might like this film” is a lot better than saying “This is a 10/10 five star masterpiece that all humans who ever shall exist need to see.” All too often the latter is what you get from mainstream publications when they praise a film.

Look what happened to Frozen; it was called one of the better Disney movies in recent memories and was praised to the heavens and back, which led to a bunch of people on the internet vocally disagreeing with said opinion, which then led to an entire anti-fandom of obnoxious basement dwellers who felt the need to constantly remind everyone Frozen sucked on any animation post they could find. All of this for a movie that, in hindsight, is just a solid, standard Disney princess flick.

Tonight we’re talking about a similar case, a film that when it came out was hyped up as a groundbreaking masterpiece of visual effects and a box office smash that grossed insane amounts of money… and was then derided as forgettable and a ripoff of Pocahontas or FernGully or what have you in the years to come. Yes, tonight we are talking about James Cameron’s smash hit, Avatar, and honestly? It’s probably the second best thing named Avatar out there, after Nickelodeon’s series about the last Airbender. After spending years being an obnoxious hipster douchebag and not watching it because it was popular followed by several more years of being an obnoxious douchebag who bashed whatever it was that was popular to bash, I finally sat down and watched James Cameron’s silly blue alien environmental movie… and frankly, it’s a pretty damn good movie. And I don’t just mean “oh it’s better than I expected but not great,” I mean “I can genuinely see to an extent where people were coming from when they were praising this.”

The story goes like this: In the far future, Earth is a polluted pile of fuck, so humans have taken to looking for resources elsewhere. One elsewhere? The moon of the planet Polyphemus, known as Pandora, which is home to a rare mineral that humans ironically dubbed “Unobtanium,” as it is rather hard to obtain due to the richest source being located amongst the native population: the ten-foot-tall blue alien beings known as the Na’vi. Jake Sully, a paraplegic former marine, is selected to utilize a remote-controlled artificial Na’vi body called an “avatar” so he can gain the native’s trust and maybe convince them to move, though there are tons of problems he has to overcome, not the least being that he starts crushing hard on Neytiri, the daughter of the chief (and seeing how she’s a hot blue alien played by Zoe Saldana, can you really blame him?). Can Sully help the humans and Na’vi reach a peaceful conclusion, or is the warmongering Colonel Miles Quaritch gonna get his way and start routing the natives out by force?

Interestingly, a lot of the movies that people claims this ripped off came out after this movie had been written; Cameron’s been working on this movie since 1994, when he wrote up an 80-page treatment for the film. He wanted to start working on this after Titanic, but the technology of the time just wasn’t right to fulfill his vision. Frankly, it’s a good thing he waited, because as I’m sure you know from all the praise it got, the visuals in this film are simply stunning. The Na’vi, the creatures of Pandora, the forests, all the glorious details of this alien planet and its inhabitants are just incredibly well done. If this had been done earlier, there is no way the Na’vi would have avoided the uncanny valley as well as they did; as it stands, they’re probably one of my favorite alien races in fiction, just from the visual standpoint alone. How good this movie looks compared to the story - which by comparison to the groundbreaking effects is rather basic - would almost make you think this film is just style over substance…

...But I’d argue that’s not exactly the case. While it’s glaringly obvious that the effects are the biggest draw, the story is still enjoyable and solid. It may seem rather derivative, but that’s mostly because in the span of time the film took to get made everyone and their mother cranked out environmental films or films about aboriginal people being joined by an outsider who learns from them and then fights back against people encroaching on their way of life, especially during the 90s. This movie quite frankly has an edge over all of those films; for one, this film looks way better than any of them, even Pocahontas (which is undeniably a beautiful film to look at). It also helps this film avoids the, uh… unfortunate implications that often come with these kinds of stories. I’m not here to get to into this aspect of those kinds of movies, but in the hands of less talented writers and directors there tends to be really nasty undertones. While Jake Sully does help lead this foreign culture to victory over their technologically advanced foes, it’s more due to him having knowledge of how humans work combined with the skills the Na’vi themselves have. Neither would have won without the other’s help. So yeah, the story is pretty simple, but pretty good. Not truly groundbreaking or original, but it really doesn’t have to be.

While I will say the story is the weak point, it IS carried by some truly great characters… just not Sully. While he’s a decent protagonist and all, he’s quite frankly overshadowed by just about everyone around him, with three enormous shadows being cast by Grace, Neytiri, and Quaritch. Grace is played by Sigourney Weaver. That is literally all you need to know to understand why she utterly steals every single scene she’s in, but for the sake of this review, let me explain in a bit more detail: her establishing character moment has her awakening from her avatar pod asking where her cigarette is, she openly is suspicious of Sully being added to the avatar program, she is the most honestly sympathetic and noble character in the entire movie, and her avatar is a stunning work of CGI. There’s really not a bad thing I can say about her; she’s basically Ellen Ripley with a more positive attitude towards aliens. She takes no shit and she does all she can to keep these people from being exploited by the greasy corporate shitweasels, no matter what she has to do. What a fucking hero. Can you see why Sully just seems kinda weak in comparison?

Then we have Neytiri, played by Zoe Saldana. She’s gorgeous, she’s badass, and she has quite the likable personality. She almost singlehandedly gives Sully a basic rundown on how not to die and spends most of her early screentime saving his ass. This was one of Saldana’s big roles in 2009 alongside playing Uhura in the Star Trek reboot series, and it brought her tons of praise, fame, and helped get her typecast as “Badass space babe with colorful skin.” Without this, Gamora might have gone to a less impressive actor who wouldn’t have been able to showcase the emotional range required, so at the very least I’m thankful to this movie for that.

And now finally, and perhaps most importantly, we come to Colonel Miles Quaritch, played by Stephen “You wished he was Cable until they cast Josh Brolin” Lang. Quaritch is what seems like such a simple villain: a military man with some serious bloodlust, a guy who just seems to be itching to go to war. But really, there’s a lot more to him than that. One really gets the sense Quaritch really does believe what he’s doing is for the betterment of humanity, and he doesn’t go right to gunning down the Na’vi even when he’s given the word to remove them by force. There are a lot of ways to interpret him, but frankly, no matter what way you cut it he’s at the very least genuinely concerned with the safety of his subordinates (outlined in his establishing scene); this leads him to becoming probably one of the single most badass anti-villains ever conceived. The man frequently steps out into the hostile atmosphere of the moon, holding his breath, to take shots at foes before putting on a breathing apparatus. He jumps out of an exploding plane in a mini-mech, which he uses to get into a knife fight with Sully. And every heinous and violent action he takes is one he takes to protect men from dying, something he has seen far too much of. And while this makes him sympathetic to a degree, his utter disdain of the Na’vi and his bloodthirsty attitude also makes sure you want to see him gets what’s coming to him.

There’s some side characters here and there that are good, but it’s mainly these three carrying the story when it starts seeming a bit too basic for this lofty world Cameron has built. And really, this is a fantastic world he’s created. This is truly a stunning film visually, with some flavorful characters to ensure that the vision doesn’t wear on you throughout the running time. For the most part, it really does work; guess that’s just the magic of James Cameron.

This is a very good film. Not the greatest film of all time, but definitely an enjoyable, ambitious, and groundbreaking one. If I ever make a list of the best sci-fi films (and you know I will eventually), this will most certainly be on there… somewhere. It’s at least top 25 material. While Aliens and the first two Terminator films are definitely the best stuff Cameron has done, this is still quite an impressive piece of pop sci-fi he created; if you like environmental movies, science fiction, creative worldbuilding, awesome visuals, or James Cameron movies, this film is worth a watch. Hell, it’s worth a watch if you’re a fan of Weaver, Lang, or Saldana too, because their performances really drive this film. It’s a good movie, plain and simple.

...Though I don’t think it’s good enough to warrant four sequels. Fuck off, Cameron.