#so i just went with nonfiction because it's about me learning new things

[fictionadventurer]

Potential September Reading

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien (ideally in audio)

An English Squire by Christabel R. Coleridge

A Sherlock Holmes story (and/or a screen adaptation)

C.S. Lewis nonfiction

A sensation or mystery novel

A piece of one of the Psmith stories

Some kind of nonfiction book

[sheepwavehdg]

[Nonfiction/serious, CW recount of online sexual harassment] So, holy fuck. Last night someone developed an introject/fictive of one of my characters, Sally Fable from Good Sensory. It went poorly.

This person was barely more than a total stranger to me and had been sending me some just plain nonsensical DMs on discord, so I just muted them for 24 hours because I didn't care or feel like dealing with it. I was about to be enjoying some Substances™, and I just told them I wasn't gonna be avaliable.

Fast forward a few hours later and my very pleasant high is interrupted by the notification that someone is calling me on discord. I tab over, and discover hundreds of messages calling me mistress, begging me to punish them, sending me partially nude photos, asking for reassurances that because they're Sally Fable, I wrote Good Sensory for them too (more on that in a moment)

I block them as soon as I understand what's happening, and then I think I started getting notifications of them pinging me on the HDG discord, bypassing the block via pluralkit(???) so I left the discord (I am unsure of this and can't find any supporting evidence of it now that Ive rejoined, I was high and confused, but it's what I thought was happening in the moment anyway which is why I left) and got to have the lovely experience of learning how much worse a panic attack hurts when you're high and every sensation has "reverb" on your body.

This felt so particularly violating because Sally is not some character I made up whole cloth, her personality and appearance is specifically modeled on two of my partners. This is not a secret, it's in the chapter notes. I know this person read those, because some of the hundreds of messages they sent me referenced it and asked if this meant I wrote it for them too.

I made the discord staff aware of what was going on and they did a great job of both handling the situation on the server and lots of them reaching out to me and making me feel like I wasn't alone and they had my back, which meant more in that moment than I can even put into words. 😭

Anyway, I just woke up a few hours ago from a nightmare where this person sent me a suicide note via the comments on Good Sensory, which unfortunately is well within the reasonable possibility space of a thing that happens when someone fixates on you and you block them and they are banned from their community. (I have had stalkers in the past! Yay!)

So yeah I was very much not calm to see this when I woke up

I got a friend to check over the comments before I looked, and fortunately it was just normal comments. I've been absolutely blown away by the reaction to Good Sensory in particular, and I love reading peoples comments. That I was made to feel scared of something that would normally make me flap my hands in joy (sixteen new comments overnight is not unheard of for me, but it's still not typical) feels so shitty.

I also feel horribly guilty even tho I know it's irrational for me to feel anything but violated by this having happened. Like there's a reason I identify with the affini, I can't see someone in distress and not want to help. I feel bad that what I assume was a vulnerable trans woman clearly in some kind of psychosis state is going to have to wake up from it and find out they blew up their own social life yesterday.

But yeah, god, fuck, what a thing that happened. I had to write this just to proscess this experience. It doesn't feel like it was real but like it was. I'm going to be shaken by this for a bit most likely 😓

[asexualbookbird]

August feels. Blurry. The Thursday of the year. Of the summer? IT feels like the year. I managed to fill out my entire Summer Bingo Board for the library. I haven't heard back about winning any prizes, but I had fun and that's what counts. Bingo made me branch out of my comfort zone which was really neat. Can't say I'll do it more often, a comfort zone is comfortable, but I do enjoy reading something Different every now and then. Did some crafty things this month, which has been a lot of fun, and I've been Smart and Wise and started on holiday gifts so I'm not scrambling in December. It's called personal growth~

The Bone Season: Tenth Anniversary Edition by Samantha Shannon ⭐⭐ - I'm salty about this. Yes, it's an improvement, but it still sucks. The world and magic is so neat, but we're stuck with a plot Like That. Made me do an actual full review on goodreads and on tumblr if you want all the details.

The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon ⭐⭐- I kept my original rating because honestly I felt the same as I did years ago. It's worse than the updated version, but it's the core of the novel that needs changing. Props to this one at least for making Paige asexual. I do not want to see this book on ace book lists ever again.

The Adventure Zone: The Suffering Game by The McElroys and Carey Pietsch ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- One of the best installments so far. The art is AMAZING, I love the meta they're doing with Griffin and The Hunger, it was a little rushed and I'm bummed we aren't getting a full adaptation of The Stolen Century, but this is still right up there with Petals to the Metal for me!

The Hollow Places by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - T Kingfisher has never written a bad novel to me, but this one did take me longer than her others to really click. The audio narrator had some inflections that didn't work for my brain, but once they went through the door, things got Weird and picked up. These two made so many stupid decisions, but it still felt in character! Big Stan Pines energy coming from that uncle.

Frostbite: How Refrigeration Changed Our Food, Our Planet, and Ourselves by Nicola Twilley ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - For book bingo! Got me a square for Read Nonfiction, Read Something About The Environment, and Read Something You Found from Book Page (a magazine advertising new and upcoming books). AND it had a local connection. I learned a lot, it was really neat and didn't feel like I was reading a textbook. It was very engaging, and has me looking at grocery stores differently. It was hard to find, though, because Frostbite is a very common name in the urban fantasy romance genre.

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oof. Very heavy, very creepy, very GOOD. Did not expect the many graphic dog deaths, but that was on me. Technically I WAS warned, my brain just didn't register "SGJ dogs are not safe" as "The dog dies in this one". The audio narrator was very good, but I had to listen to the opening a couple times to really get everything to click. It might've been easier had I" read it myself, but the cadence of the narrator really added to the story.

The Last Heir to Blackwood Library by Hester Fox ⭐ - Wow when was the last time I had a true one star read. (Actually not too long ago. It was The Novice.) This wanted so badly to be The Haunting of Hill House, but if you want another book like Hill House, just read Starling House. We missed what actually happened in the book because the main character was losing her memory. If you want that, go read Harrow the Ninth. This was a mess and I hated it.

On that note, I need to read something to recharge my faith in books, so MURDERBOT TIME! That's my only reading plan for September, but now I'm feeling Rushed because the year is almost over and I still have about half of my reading goals list left. Whoops. I'd also like to at least attempt some of the Swordtember prompts, if not do all of them. That looks like a lot of fun! So! Onward we go!

[puckpocketed]

weird/bad interactions always remind me about the good things. feeling very sentimental under the cut <3

housekeeping

The gist of this is that I'm very grateful every day my first encounters with hockey on here were primarily with kraken lb and sharks lb. You can stop here if you aren't in the mood for an essay LOL

I'm thankful in general for everyone who has ever welcomed me into their hockey spaces for giving me role models to emulate. I feel especially thankful after such a strange, off-putting experience in a new tag just now.

On the off-chance you're the person who took a screenshot of my post to tell me to leave your space and you're reading this: thanks for the chat, no hard feelings and no grudges held. If you're one of the people who uncritically reblogged that post... I can't tell you what to do with your blog but dog piling is a pretty good way to bully people and drive new fans, artists and gifmakers away from your community.

I'm not here to guilt people into being friends with me. and honestly, I don't want friends who would do that. I sincerely hope you grow and the next new fan you encounter gets a warmer welcome than I did. I know most people in the tag aren't like that, but I think I'll shelf that team for now. (my quest to fall in love with 32 teams carries on!)

Anyway, I get pretty mushy about my friends and communities semi-regularly on here so it’s not anything people haven’t heard before, but it’s MY blog and I get to write love letters to my teams and their communities if i want!!!!!

kraken

I take my cues from the way people in this tag treated me. The warm welcome is something I'll always think about, no matter how my relationship to the team and the community at large evolves over time. Sparking my interest in writing again, making new friends, and learning about The Beautiful Game was such a highlight during my summer last year. I am very very tender about this team and community. It’s hard to talk about them sometimes because it’s like… my feelings are so big <3 they are eating me like a soup dumpling. my head is being ripped off and my soupy insides are being sipped <- don’t know where i’m going with that....!

I confess I often feel overwhelmed and lost in the hockey tumblr space as someone who doesn’t participate in shipping/rpf and isn’t attracted to men, but I’ve never felt like people wanted me out because of it. Thank you for accepting me, and accepting the way I love this team and sport.

sharks

Tiny but mighty!! the kraken crossover likely contributed a lot to this, but I've met such amazing people in this tag. We may have different/conflicting opinions about non-sharks teams but we are united in our love for this flop train and my life is enriched by it. Would not commit to a months long research project with any other people ! Mwah <3

There's a whole iceberg's worth of things to say here. I'm trying to keep it short otherwise it would be like.... a whole post of its own LMAO.... i should definitely write a puck-mortem on the primer work one day.

But to give anyone reading this an example: I still think about a sharks writing prompt challenge where the organiser went out of the way to include non-shipping/nonfiction works in their list of acceptable submissions. I won't name or @ anyone in this because that's sooo embarrassing aslkjasdkljdjkl but. we exchanged a few messages about it, and learning that they did that specifically to make sure people like me were included genuinely made me tear up.

I love u sharkudablr <33

kings

Somehow even smaller. Many of us don't have LAK as our primaries, and honestly why would we? The community tinyyy... and only recently we're coming back to life it seems. I really can count on two hands every active kings blog I've met and interacted with. But I value every 6 note post so much <3 also we may be very funny for real actually. incredible memes and collective sense of humour. The memes and gifs and photo edits + reposts are so important to me .

I love our kings, our little family, our little liveblog tag. The way I follow LA is unlike how I follow any other team. they really are my eldest daughter, in that I am holding them to SUCH high standards. Perhaps because out of all my teams their fate seems the most uncertain? Are we on the verge of collapse ? are we cup contenders? are we ever gonna escape the round 1 time loop? <3

I hope one day we're as big and warm as my other beloved team tags. I think we're on our way :)

golden knights

another small but close community. I'm so grateful I saw Adin Hill go ultra instinct and got interested in this team <3 aside from saving me a bit of heartbreak during the trade deadline, I've met amazing new people.

Also, loving this team makes for a great litmus test + rent lowering shots. To be loud about enjoying this team is to filter unserious people out of my tumblr experience <3 Those who were wishing injury on m.stone in particular and those who were uncritically repeating conspiracy theories, thanks for exposing yourself during playoffs. Those who are in the tags of my vgk gifs saying how much you hate this team, thanks for exposing yourselves. I do not go out of my way to be spiteful on here, I think it really does no good. but I fear I don't want to sit with you at lunch if you are doin all that!!

what's really special to me is how our community is small and safe. it is the safest I've felt in a hockey community. I am so happy our discord is place I can go to without fear of seeing one of my other teams/players randomly smeared, I love that it was started with the express intention to avoid simply repeating the unfiltered hatred we experience in other spaces. building with purpose, choosing to be kind... i think that's also something I want to take and run with in my own community building efforts. thanks for being bold enough to be different <3

caps

Quickly rising up from babygirl-in-laws (hi Lucky!!) to BELOVEDS. I think the Dubois trade might be one of those inflection points they talk about in sci-fi movies where they gotta time travel and change the future :) I was already sort of eyeing this team and had a few friends/mutuals who followed them, but the incredible caps fans who have reached out to me to share their love of their team really sold me.

I love talking hockey with everyone I've met. I love the goofy vibes. i love the essays in my inbox. I love that people read the essays i write back. <3 When a link to a video didn't work for me (required a log in) a caps fan simply screen recorded it and posted it. When I asked about the power play I got completely serious hockeypilled answers <3

There is something to love about every team, but I'm finding a huge part of loving them, at least for me, is the people you love them with.

everyone else

If i haven't mentioned a team I like or people I've interacted with it's because there are too many to recall in one go and this post has gotten a lot longer than I originally intended <3 trust that I think of you warmly and often. every person who has ever sent me an encouraging word, discoursed with me about the game and the narratives, and every note on my silly gifs and art - appreciate you more than I can express. you all make being on here such a cool experience.

I hope i love hockey for a long time and keep meeting new people <3

[shark-myths]

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

[gotjacobian]

Finished the "HOT-TO-GO" translation, which I'll put under a cut. Original lyric is in italics at the top, then mandarin and (pinyin), and then [a more literal translation] and some notes on why we picked what we did.

I can be the one, I’m your new addiction 我可以成为你的，想成为你的瘾 (Wǒ kěyǐ chéngwéi nǐ de, xiǎng chéngwéi nǐ de yǐn) [I could be yours, want to be your new addiction]

It’s all in my head, but I want nonfiction 都是我的想象, 但我想要现实 (Dōu shì wǒ de xiǎngxiàng, dàn wǒ xiǎng yào xiànshí) [It's all imagination, but I want reality]

I don’t want the world but I'll take this city 我不要全球 但要拿下这城市。 (Wǒ bùyào quánqiú dàn yào ná xià zhè chéngshì. [I don't want the world, but I'll take this city]

Who can blame a girl, call me hot not pretty 不要叫我漂亮，你要叫我火辣。 (Bùyào jiào wǒ piàoliang, nǐ yào jiào wǒ huǒ là.) [Don't call me pretty, call me hot.]

Pretty direct translations. The last line is the biggest change. We dropped the first question and went for an exact translation of "You shouldn't call me pretty, you should call me hot." It keeps the beat better, and putting 火辣 (huǒ la, hot) at the end keeps the punchiness better than 漂亮 (piàoliang, pretty) would. And it comes a bit closer to actually rhyming (though I didn't really put much effort into preserving that - I think it would take a level of mastery I definitely don't have)

Baby, do you like this beat? 宝宝,你喜欢这歌吗? (Bǎobǎo, xǐhuān zhè gē ma) [Baby, do you like this song?]

I made it so you’d dance with me 我写了它好和你跳舞 (Wǒ xiěle tā hǎo hé nǐ tiàowǔ) [I wrote it to dance with you]

It's a hundred-ninety-nine degrees 是一百九十九度啊 (Shì yībǎi jiǔshíjiǔ dù a) [It's a hundred-ninety-nine degrees!]

When we’re doing it baby, doing it baby 等到我们做的时候， 我们做的时候 (Děngdào wǒmen zuò de shíhòu, wǒmen zuò de shíhòu) [By the time we do it, By the time we do it.] Numbers are one of the things I know well at this point, so I was very pleased at how closely the scansion matches across languages there. It matches too well - you fall one syllable short because of the 度(dù)/degrees swap, and really can't change anything without making the line significantly harder to sing. My gf and I went back and forth for a while about how to finish the phrase, and just ended up adding 啊which indicates an exclamation, and also works as an "ah!" for the singer to play with going into the next bit. For the last line, there's an impressively close equivalent to "doing it" as a euphemism in 做 (zuò, do or make, contextual sexual connotations fully included). Which I learned when it came up as one of the characters to memorize on a flashcard website I was using, and I got a very weird look when I asked what it meant.

Snap and crack and touch your toes 啪啪啪，触摸你脚趾 (Pā pā pā, chùmō nǐ jiǎozhǐ) [ Snap, snap, snap, touch your toes]

Raise your hands now body roll 举手现在屁股摇 (Jǔ shǒu xiànzài pìgu yáo) [Raise your hands and shake your ass now] 啪啪啪(Pā pā pā) is onomatopoeic for snapping, but ALSO has some convenient sexual connotations! And I had no idea how to get "body roll" , so went with the more vulgar, but also more easily translated, 现在屁股摇 ( xiànzài pìgu yáo, "now shake your ass". 屁股 is one of the words I already knew how to translate, because I went to middle school with a lot of kids who spoke chinese.)

Dance it out, we’re hot-to-go 通宵开门打包带走 (Tōngxiāo kāimén dǎbāo dài zǒu) [Open all night 'for takeaway']

H-O-T-T-O-G-O You can take me hot-to-go 可以把我打包带走 (Kěyǐ bǎ wǒ dǎbāo dài zǒu) [You can have me 'for takeaway']

We kept the spelling, and I think an "actual" translation/cover would too. I am very pleased with the swap of "dance it out" for something that's the equivalent of a shop window "open 24 hours" sign, also. And then, of course. "打包带走" (dǎbāo dài zǒu) literally means " wrapped up like a dumpling and taken away" and practically means "as takeout", and we put that in anywhere "hot-to-go" shows up in the original song.

I woke up alone staring at my ceiling 我独醒得早，仰屋兴叹 (Wǒ dú xǐng dé zǎo, yǎng wū xīngtàn) [I woke up early alone, looking up at the house and sighing]

I try not to care but it hurts my feelings 我努力不在意可我内心困扰 (Wǒ nǔlì bù zàiyì kě wǒ nèixīn kùnrǎo) [I try not to care but I'm troubled inside]

This translation of "staring at the ceiling" is very... literary? It is 'staring at the ceiling' in this context. The direct translation is something like "to stare at one's house in sadness" and comes with associations of truly unmitigated despair. This greatly entertains me, so I kept it. The translation of "hurts my feelings" here is also more directly "troubles my heart" which is pretty good. The first time I tried to translate it, the literal translation was "hurt my face" (fun fact - the 'saving face' idiom in english comes from this equivalency in chinese) and my gf laughed for like five minutes.

You don’t have to stare, come here get with it 不要只是盯着， 可以来得到我 (Bùyào zhǐshì dīngzhe, kěyǐ lái dédào wǒ) [Don't just stare, you can come and get me] No one’s touched me there in a damn hot minute 很久没有人操过我了 (Hěnjiǔ méiyǒu rén cāoguò wǒle) [It's been a long time since anyone has fucked me.]

Apparently the "it = me" implication "get it/with it" here doesn't translate well? Which I find interesting because mandarin usually seems very ready to leave stuff like that up to context in other situations. I was also proud of the next one - mandarin is left-branching, not right-branching, so communicating the sentiment "no one has touched me in a long time" goes in the order "in a long time, no one has touched me." Which breaks my brain a little when I have to say things, but that's not the point - the humor of this line comes from having a euphemistic first half and more intense/explicit back half. So I flipped which clause was the explicit/non-explicit one to keep that.

What's it take to get your number? 你可以留下电话号码 (Nǐ kěyǐ liú xià diànhuà hàomǎ) [You could leave your phone number]

What's it take to bring you home? 我真的很想带你回家 (Wǒ zhēn de hěn xiǎng dài nǐ huí jiā) [I really want to take you home] Gf and I also talked a lot about these. Apparently this kind of rhetorical structure is really hard to do concisely in mandarin. Like it exists, but the primary way you communicate stuff like what would be communicated the weird verb tense sandwich of "what does it take to get" is by sticking a bunch more words in a sentence. I'm still not totally satisfied with what we came up with, but it was tough to try and hit the right tone. The "leave your phone number" thing is also apparently just how you say that, though most of the suggestions i saw for a "get your number" translation on i.e. reddit were actually "add me on WeChat" lol.

Hurry up, it's time for supper 快点，晚饭时间到了 (Kuài diǎn, wǎnfàn shíjiān dàole) [Come on, it’s dinner time]

Order up, I'm hot to go 下单了, 打包带走 (Xià dānle, dǎbāo dài zǒu) [Order up, for takeaway]

Hurry up, it's getting cold 快点吧，天要冷了 (Kuài diǎn ba, tiān yào lěngle) [Come on, it’s getting cold]

Last few lines! The first thing I came up with for the "it's time for supper" I was told sounded too much like "your mom calling you in for dinner" and there was much discourse about what fixing that would even entail. I was pleased that there's also a pretty nice translation for "Order up" that fits the beat.

[financeprincess]

Could you talk a bit more about the “mental” part of glowing up? Taking those first steps and being intentional about changing yourself and your life?

A lot of it is about commitment to change and stepping out of your comfort zone. Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things, going new places, inserting yourself into spaces you haven’t been, all help break limiting beliefs. Imposter syndrome is super real especially if it’s been bulldozed into you from day one that you have to be the best at everything (speaking from personal experience) and especially if you’ve ever dealt with anxiety it can be tough to get over. I meditate a lot, journal, listen to high vibrational frequencies and bilateral stimulation music, read/write/speak/listen to affirmations, went to therapy for a very long time. Also it’s very normal to cry, I cried a lot when I first started to really change things because I felt like I was grieving an entire life I was leaving behind and was grieving for my past self because she had tried so damn hard to get it together but hard work doesn’t always equal the results you want. Manifestation and reaching your goals is easier in a state of receiving, flow, and ease. Write down how you want your ideal life to be and start thinking of the steps it takes to get there. Use a planner and dump everything you need to into it.

Read as many books as you can about things that interest you, especially nonfiction. Some of my favorites are finances, real estate, technology, biographies, fashion, politics, history, science, classic literature, and philosophy. Download DuoLingo and start learning languages that interest you. Invest in your hobbies. Try whatever you want to try: pottery, dance, horseback riding, painting, new workout classes, photography, musical instruments, sewing, baking, chess, the possibilities are endless.

Stop consuming low vibrational content: brain rotting TikTok videos, trashy TV shows, anything with excessive violence or gore, anything on social media that is exclusively for shock value or trying to illicit attention or controversy. If you’re consuming media you want to feel better or more informed after watching it. I love food and nature documentaries for this reason. Speaking of social media, delete everything you have on your profiles that doesn’t align with who you want to be. Or better yet, delete them altogether and either go ghost or start a new one. Do a dopamine detox and cut out vices as much as you can. Video games, excessive shopping, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, caffeine, sugar, social media, unhealthy foods, gossiping, etc. All of these give your brain a rush when you engage in them, amongst other habits.

Limit or eliminate time around negative people or people who just do not have it together. What kind of people do you want around you? Do these people elevate me or bring me down? How do they act towards me? You have to be ruthless with your personal boundaries because you can’t expect other people to read your mind. Ultimately it comes down to switching your mindset and taking radical personal responsibility for your own life. If you feel a sense of responsibility over everything around you, it will cause you to take action if you are not happy. Positive mindset and radical trust in God is everything too.

[thelaurenshippen]

this month’s mixtape is for Sawyer Watson, one of the protagonists of my queer outlaw western (currently drafting). if you subscribe to my newsletter (linked in the previous sentence), then you’ll have already read these, but for everyone else, my notes:

Similarly to last month's Tex Bullock playlist, I'd never actually written annotations for this playlist, despite the fact that I made it all the way back in 2019. And as I did last month to catch you up if you're new: Desperate Hollow is my currently unpublished queer outlaw romance. Tex Bullock and Sawyer Watson grow up in a gang together before Sawyer shoots Tex and leaves him for dead. Seven years later, they end up in the same dead-end town and have to deal with everything they've never said. 

But. Yeah. 2019. That's when I made the original three playlists for this story (this being the third I've shared, though it was made simultaneously with Tex's). It's odd listening to them now, because the characters they were made for feel like sketched versions of them, rather than the completely filled out people they are now. But they didn't change too much from their original conception, so everything still holds. 

Sawyer does not belong in the life of an outlaw. That's not to say he's bad at it--as Tex swoons over observes when they're in their late teens, Sawyer is exquisitely good at violence, he just hates it. He'd much rather think or talk his way out of a problem, so it's a good thing he's incredibly smart and persuasive. He isn't charismatic in the traditional sense - not flirtatious, but commanding. He knows how to tell a story or express an idea and make people listen. And he's curious about everything - always reading any nonfiction tomes he can get his hands on or learning a new skill. He plays piano beautifully and when he lets himself feel joy it is all encompassing. Sawyer has the reputation for being the one person who can truly rein Tex in, but he doesn't like being viewed as Tex's handler - he doesn't think Tex needs to be handled. Tex, the unholy terror of the West, needs to be protected. Which makes it hurt all the more when Sawyer is the one to shoot him and leave him for dead.

1. "Sad, Sad Song" - M. Ward

This is where Sawyer starts the story--he's been living on his own for seven years, with the assumption that Tex is dead in the ground and that Sawyer is the one who put him there. And there's something so beautifully tragic to me about someone going around and asking the entire universe why their true love is gone. I especially love that idea in the context of Sawyer fully knowing that he's the reason. 

And so I went to my mom/I said "Mama, please, what do you do when your true love leaves?"/She said "the hardest thing in the world to do/Is to find somebody believes in you" - Sawyer, made an orphan in his adolescence, would love nothing more to talk to his mother and father about what's happened. But they, like Tex, are gone, so there's no one left in the world who believes in him.

God, I promise, the whole playlist isn't going to be dour sad songs, I'm realizing now this is sort of a downer opener. Tex's is a lot more energetic throughout and that's because he's the one who basically had to crawl out of his grave. Sawyer's the one who has been living like a ghost himself, weighed down by grief. 

2. "Me and Mine" - The Brothers Bright

This scene isn't really in the book the way it used to be, but the idea of Sawyer - someone who hates violence and has never killed anyone in his life - going completely bonkers scorched earth because someone hurt Tex is one of my favorites to think obsessively about. If anyone else had shot Tex, that person would have absolutely been the first and last victim of Sawyer Watson. But instead, he has only himself to blame and I'm sure he won't punish himself in any kind of really sad and mournful way or anything. 

I'm a man of my word/I will burn your kingdom down/If you try to conquer me and mine - Sawyer is absolutely a man of his word, and he is also definitely deeply possessive. A thing that Tex would be totally normal about of course if he knew. 

3. "House of the Rising Sun" - Lauren O'Connell

What would a moody Americana playlist be without an even moodier cover of this song?

Sawyer is not a gambling man, nor one who drinks to excess, nor does he ever partake in the saloon girls all over the Wild West (he is very, very gay and demisexual - also, I know this song isn't explicitly about sex work as much as it is the other two things, but idk, the first time I heard the phrase "House of the Rising Sun", I just sort of thought of a brothel), but he is the sun to Tex's moon, so I do like that imagery. 

But that's not all - I like that the lyrics have so much about parents - a bit of a running theme for Sawyer, who had parents who were wonderful and actually had an impact (positive) on him. I think Sawyer would see the life he leads after they die as some kind of let down for them - that he's been led into ruin and vice, when they were such upstanding moral people. But, then again, Sawyer wouldn't trade it for anything because his "house of the rising sun" isn't a place or a vice at all, but Tex Bullock, an addiction he'll never give up. 

4. "Jolene" - Mindy Smith

See first bullet on previous song. 

Gay demisexual Sawyer jumps out here in full - Tex is the only one for him and always will be. So he watches Tex - bisexual and promiscuous (I know it's a bad bi stereotype - one that, as a bi person myself, I find deeply annoying but...Tex just enjoys sex. Idk what else to do about it) - go to bed with person after person and just...silently sulks about it for years. One of those "both of these people are so jealous that they're blind to the other's jealousy" situations. 

(It should be noted, if its of interest, that these are the sexualities I see them as having from a writing standpoint but from a story standpoint, it's 1898 so of course they weren't using any of these words. Mostly their sexuality is something demonstrated rather than talked about, which is partly why Tex thinks Sawyer is probably interested in nothing at all).

5. "Take Me to Church" - MILCK

Okay, jeez, this playlist is, like, mostly covers. I love a cover, but this is excessive even for me. 

But there is something inherently queer about this song (originally by Hozier, patron saint of lesbians; also, watch the music video), and I love this female cover that maintains the pronouns, to make it explicitly gay. There was also a half intentional/half subconscious thing of filling Sawyer's playlist with female artists. There's a lot of subtextual gender fuckery in the story (necessary for any good Western in my opinion; see also, last week's newsletter) and whereas Tex is a construct of American masculinity covering up a classic "pretty boy" exterior, Sawyer is classically handsome and strong, but much more comfortable in both his masculinity and femininity. 

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies - I am rotating like a rotisserie chicken about this line when I think of these two. I was going to explain more, but I'm basically already writing out the whole story here, so I'm gonna hold back for now. 

Sawyer grew up going to church and is mostly ambivalent about God now,  but his and Tex's devotion to each other is something holy to him, even when they're just friends.

6. "Lemons" - Brye

A bit of a hard tonal turn, but there needed to be some lightness in the midst of all this angst. This song and the next are representative of those moments when Sawyer tries to remember Tex's frustrating qualities or, eventually, when Tex is back in his life and just as infuriating as ever.

You're a sour little boy, with a fragile masculinity

I've tried to remain patient with your stupid shenanigans/But you've given me no other choice/You've tried to knock me over by acting like you're above me/And pretending that I don't have a voice - this is exactly what Sawyer felt about Tex when they first met and how he feels about a lot of people through the years. Sawyer has very little patience for bullshit. 

7. "High Horse" - Kacey Musgraves

See the last bullet on the previous song. 

Oh, I bet you think you're John Wayne/Showing up and shooting down everybody/You're classic in the wrong way/And we all know that you know the story - see: Tex's playlist featuring "John Wayne" by Lady Gaga

And also, I think Sawyer sometimes feels a little this way - that he kills the buzz by opening his mouth and being practical, that he's too stuck on his high horse to be fun. 

8. "I Walk the Line" - Halsey

Female cover strikes again! 

So. I have a terrible confession to make. I'm not a huge fan of Johnny Cash. Don't get me wrong, I think his songs absolutely rule, I'm just not a huge fan of his vocal style, which is why I end up with a lot of covers of his stuff. 

Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you/because you're mine/I walk the line - now, Sawyer, deeply uninterested in anyone who isn't Tex, doesn't have problems with fidelity (to be fair to Tex, neither would he if he actually had what he wanted with Sawyer - that is a bi stereotype that I just fully hate and, in general, I'm just not interested in cheating storylines), but he's still walking a line. He's walking Barlowe's line. He sees how dedicated Tex is to the gang and even though Sawyer could break out on his own, he stays and follows Barlowe so that he can be by Tex's side. 

9. "Missing Me" - Angie McMahon*

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the line loving you is lonely is just sooooooooooo. Well, that's the whole thing, really. 

This song is about someone who is being ignored by their paramour, so not a perfect 1:1, but the object of affection being someone who swaggers, chatters, talks them to nothing...well! That's Tex! 

And, to get back to the point: loving you is lonely. That's how Sawyer feels. He knows that Tex is devoted to him as a friend and brother-in-arms, but he doesn't think that Tex loves him the way Sawyer loves Tex and that is so lonely. And then, once he's gone, all that Sawyer has is that loneliness and missing Tex and still wishing that, somehow, wherever he is, Tex misses Sawyer too. 

Loving you has thrown me/You have been my only rock on the ground

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

nov 5 rambling

all week, i've been seriously considering taking a break from political news, and i can't tell if that comes from a place of maturing as i'm about to hit 40 or as a warning about my mental health, because for me numbness and avoiding my interests are usually tells for depression.

but mostly, the idea--even as it seems like a good one--just kinda hurts, because deep-diving into policies and governmental history and being a nerd about campaigns and candidates has been a core part of who i am for years now.

growing up, i was surrounded by adults who didn't talk about politics, who as far as i know never even voted, who insisted it didn't matter or change anything. when i came back from college with a new awareness that politics existed, i felt like i had a lifetime of missing knowledge to catch up on, and i dove in.

plus, as somebody autistic but also easily bored due to adhd, i don't just have a singular special interest--politics is one i developed later in life. fictional media, live news, memoirs and nonfiction books, and journalism have taught me so much. i've enjoyed the learning. it's my kind of fun, being a sponge.

but this year was the first election day i've spent not obsessively refreshing electoral maps and awash in existential dread. sure, i know doing that won't change any outcomes, but it's how i don't handle the stress anyway. except that wasn't an option this time.

@actuallylukedanes and i spent the morning busy with important errands, and we spent the afternoon and evening making trips to the vet, worrying about one of our cats who'd had surgery. i went to bed that night in the back room, keeping watch over him and barely sleeping.

when i saw my best friend the next morning, tragedy was written all over their face, and they greeted me with the election results. i'm pretty sure i blinked for a few seconds before i responded at all...but it wasn't because i was in shock, or devastated. i'd just forgotten about the election entirely, tucked in a small room with a sweet kitten who was bleeding.

and it feels weird, all of that, having a day that was so big and busy that for once something overshadowed epic political battles and narratives and fear. who knows, maybe that's what daily life is like for most people. maybe that's how so many people are comfortable basing their votes on vibes and not looking anything up: they're too busy caring about just what's in front of them.

i don't know how to live that way, and i'm not sure i would want to even if i could. everyone i love is too at-risk, depending on who has power in this country, for me to put my head down and completely check out. and something about my bipolar nature has always meant that i feel a weird duty to take in the pain, like i can't fix everything for everyone so i at least owe them my empathy, my constant pressing-on-a-bruise awareness of all the bad things i can't control.

so i don't like feeling numb. that switch still gets flipped sometimes, without me trying, when the alternative would be drowning in the overflow of emotions. when that happens, i know my brain's trying to protect me, in the only way it knows how. and maybe that explains my reaction now, maybe it's a depression tell or a protective mechanism--but it's just so different from what i would've expected.

there's a very firm wall up between me and the results of this election. i feel hyper aware of what it means, the rightward shift of our national and state and local elections this week, of what could happen to my family and my friends and everyone else who deserves so much better. so on a deeper level, i also can't feel it at all.

i was heartbroken in 2016, and in shock. i cried so much, and we ultimately moved to a state where we would be safer. but i stayed hopepunk, and kept learning, and participated in mutual aid. in 2020 i blogged my amusing thoughts about the democratic primary debates here, and was grateful for every good thing that the government has done since.

but with everything i know, and everything i've learned, i feel even less prepared for what's going to happen now--because what i've learned is how limitless the potential horrors could be. spreading out in all directions, the future is a black box that asks us what we want to trust (things they say? things they've already done? things we believed no one would ever really do?) before we can know what to do.

so this time, i've barely cried. i haven't watched the concession speech. i don't think i ever will. and i keep returning to my usual news websites, the almost-a-dozen publications that make up my routine. it's become an essential habit for me, the scanning of headlines and plucking out whatever interests me--an online version of the browsing i used to do, back when it was easy to lug a dozen books home from the library.

i normally read anything that gets my attention or interests me, which is a lot every day--but now, i either don't want to read people's election opinions and predictions, or i regret it when i do. everybody wants to argue about why we ended up here. who's to blame. what to do next. what's coming.

at this point, i don't feel like i'm learning anything anymore, just being painfully reminded of what i already know: america isn't the way i wish it was, or how i saw it when i was a young idealist first learning about democracy. we keep repeating the same patterns, and being surprised at the results. and publications that aim for truth give space to writers pushing hate and fearmongering, for the sake of imagined balance.

so if i stop soaking up the political podcasts, articles, and constant data that has always made me feel so informed and empowered...is that a good break for my mental health? or is it just me checking out and retreating into a bubble where i can pretend this all isn't happening? how can i tell the difference?

it's been four days, and i'm not any closer to figuring out the answer. all i know is that reading about the goings-on of the government, the little battles on subcommittees or the history of the secret service and voting...it all used to make me happy. now it feels like a thing i do, because it's a thing i do. and anything that's too closely related to the election itself, all the podcast episodes and op-eds that have come out since, those feel like salt in a wound.

so whether it's self-protective or not, i'm going to take that break. set aside my political ebooks for now, and narrow down my news websites and podcasts to the ones that aren't so politics-heavy. i'll see if the lack of them bothers me, or if i don't even miss them. maybe it will be a relief.

it'll definitely give me more time to read the old articles i have saved from years of tab hoarding--literally hundreds are in that pile, mostly because i like long stories that dive deep into things, which don't make for quick reads. i'll also have time freed up that should really be redirected to the tv shows and movies on my watchlists anyway.

who knows, maybe what i need is a little less reality and a little more indulgence in imagination. i've never been good at balance, and depriving the creative side of me never helps. the one thing i know for sure is that after i found out about the election results, reading the news made me feel worse. so i came here because i wanted to feel better.

and it worked. i did feel better. people's immediate reactions here were so much more like mine than anything i've seen or heard in the news. everyone i follow is sharing resources and cute animal videos and revolutionary quotes. this is still a hellsite, and i've been away too much to understand what's happening anymore, but tumblr is still my hellsite. you are still my people.

i've missed every one of you, and i'm sending you so much love and gratitude. hopefully we all make it through what comes next, together.

[carriagelamp]

My internet died for about half a week this month, so I had a really peaceful few days where I had an enforced excuse to do nothing but relax and read when I got home from work. It was incredibly zen and I really sank into my books that week.

The Call of the Wild

A classic novel that I’ve always meant to read. I was sick and headachy this month and decided that this was the perfect sort of relaxing, narratively rich book to listen to. I really enjoyed it, would recommend. It follows a dog named Buck who’s snatched from his home in southern California and is shipped off to work as a sled dog in the Yukon, where a need for strong dogs to help transport goods over the snow and ice makes them very valuable. Buck has to learn how to survive in this harsh environment as everything from the weather, his fellows dogs, and his human masters seem to fight against him.

A Complicated Love Story Set In Space // How To Bite Your Neighbour and Win A Wager

Putting these two together because my experience with them was pretty similar. For both I was intrigued by the title, got them from the library on a whim, and didn’t really mesh with either. I didn’t really get far enough in either to give much of a review, they just didn’t vibe. A Complicated Love Story Set In Space set up a scenario that didn’t really interest me — not surprising, I’m picky about my scifi — and How To Bite Your Neighbour and Win A Wager just had an… odd writing style to it. It very much feels like it’s main goal is to be a kinda horny about vampires which, if that’s what you want, all the power to you, but it’s wasn't doing it for me. I had to suspend way too much disbelief for the scenario to function.

Indiana Jones and the Cup of the Vampire // Indiana Jones and the Curse of Horror Island

A pair of choose your own adventure books I found at a used book sale. I picked them up out of sheer amusement, and they were basically what I expected and paid for: cheesy 1980s adventure stories with Indiana Jones as a nominal protagonist. They were both varying degrees of improbable, ridiculous, and racist so YMMV but they were fun to play with while I was down and out on the internet front.

The Kootenay Kidnapper

Eric Wilson is a classic Canadian author who writes children’s mystery/thriller novels. I’ve never read him before and decided to remedy that. At this point I choose to withhold judgement until I read another… I’m not sure how I felt about The Kootenay Kidnapper. It had some nice descriptive language, successfully raised the tension from time to time and made me really try to piece together who the villain was, but then also had some strange dead zones as well. The whole thing read a bit like a 1990s stranger danger PSA which was also… weirdly nostalgic? But also just weird. Would try another.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation comic v3

I continue to be a MDZS simp, this is not news. 

The Radium Girls

I don’t read much nonfiction, but this book was so narrative in its writing that I seriously couldn’t put it down. Kate Moore took a historical event (the girls that were paid to paint watch dials with radium paint in the early 1900s) that had been written about in scientific and legal styles, and instead retells it with a primary focus on the girls themselves. You follow a variety of real life women over the decades and learn about the all the machinations that went into them being horrifically poisoned by radium, and how that changed the very foundation of American workplace safety. Super engaging, unspeakably appalling.

Scott Pilgrim v1/2

My brother and I started watching Scott Pilgrim Takes Off on Netflix and… wow, it is not what either of us was expecting but we are loving it. We’ve both been big Scott Pilgrim fans since the naughts. Since I haven’t reread the series in years I decided I should pick it up to help notice the differences between the original series and this new show — I have the big, coloured omnibus version, so I reread the first collection of stories which amounts to volume 1 and 2 of the original. 

Scott Pilgrim is one of those comics that if you’ve somehow never read then you really need to, it’s one of my all-time favourites. It’s a story about Scott Pilgrim, a young adult who’s awkwardly trying to figure himself out, combining a coming-of-age slice-of-life with magical realism. The mysterious girl he meets, Ramona Flowers, can travel a subspace highway through Scott’s dreams — of course, don’t they teach Canadians how to do that? Huh, maybe it’s an American thing. Scott is known to be the best fighter in the province and when he defeats an enemy they explode into a pile of coins. One of the Evil Exes has Vegan Powers, and another can summon demonic back up dancers. This story just does whatever the fuck it likes and I adore it for that.

Heaven Official's Blessing v3/4

I continue to be TGCF simp, this is not— seriously, the series continues to be excellent and I only get more and more invested in not just Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, but also in the side characters that are introduced. I was thrilled to have Shi Qingxuan become a bigger player in book 4, and really liked the whole plot with the Venerable of Empty Words and Black Water. Please, someone, help this guy…

The Wind in the Willows

Another classic I had never read that I decided to pick up. It was excellent, I can see why it’s stayed so beloved over the years. Though I love a good cute-animals-in-lil-clothes-living-cute-lil-lives story, so I was an easy sell. It was much more tame than the likes of Redwall, but had a bit more going on than the likes of Brambly Hedge — it keeps you very engaged, but never raises the stakes so high that it stops feeling light and comforting. It is essentially a collection of stories that follow Mole and Rat, a pair of friends that live together on the river, through the seasons and the various misadventures they and their friends go on.

The Woman They Could Not Silence

Since I liked The Radium Girls I decided to pick up another one of Kate Moore’s books. This one follows a woman who was intentionally committed to an insane asylum by her husband, purely because she was intelligent and outspoken, refusing to be cowed to his opinions or beliefs. This story details her time in the insane asylum, the abuses that the patients suffered, and how she came to fight the laws that allowed for such abuses to be perpetuated in the first place. A fascinating read about a historical figure I had never heard about before.

[zucchinibread777books]

Why Fish Don't Exist Book Review

Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller Review

Summary:

In this memoir/biography, Lulu Miller takes us through her obsession with David Starr Jordan and how he managed to persevere throughout so many hardships. In his story, Miller searches for the meaning of life and why she too should continue, knowing that in the grand scheme of things it’s pointless. Little did she know, it wasn’t his story that gave her that meaning, but the stories of those she met in her search. And the new knowledge that fish don’t exist.

Review:

To begin, I really think it is best to go into this story not knowing anything about David Starr Jordan. Miller very intentionally wrote this in a way where we would learn the information in the same way that she did, and knowing how his story ends will leave you questioning her intentions throughout the story and will take away from the impact a lot. So, if you haven’t read this book, don’t read this review because SPOILERS AHEAD!!

The good:

I really enjoyed this book. My first impression after finishing was just “wow, I really think everyone needs to read this”. I went into it completely blind. I read this for a book club and didn’t even read the summary before picking it up, so I honestly didn’t realize it was nonfiction at the beginning.

The way Miller writes is very engaging, especially for someone like me who doesn’t read a lot of nonfiction. She had clear goals for what she wanted to say with this book and in my opinion, she met them very well. She also clearly put a lot of thought and research into everything she mentioned, even going so far as to include illustrations primarily made with a sewing needle, which I thought was a nice nod to the story that started her interest in David Starr Jordan.

I also felt that a lot of what she put into words here were beliefs that I have lived by for a long time. Ideas of nothing mattering in the grand scheme, but they still matter to those around you. Other things like how small of a grasp humans really have on the world, and no matter how much we try to make sense of nature, there is always going to be so much we don’t know. How much we discount the intelligence of others due to our own warped sense of superiority. It was so comforting to see these feelings put so clearly on paper.

It also turned out to be a good warning about who you pick as your inspiration, because the person that you thought had it all figured out might have just been far too self-inflated.

Not all of this information was completely new to me, so I can’t say I was surprised by anything in this book, but for those who are truly unaware of the issues she discusses, I think there is a lot that could change your view of the world. I also think it may just inspire you to find interest in a subject that you may not have even known existed. I know I did.

Here are two of my favorite out-of-context quotes:

“Your mom? Absolutely. A fish.” (pg 175)

“His hurt, imagining him in some degree of anguish… it has a wonderful effect.” (178)

The bad:

When I was reading this book, there were a few things I was expecting her to delve into more. Things like how gender and race played into the topics she discussed. While she touched on them a little, she didn’t go very deep. It is clear she put a lot of research into this as a taxonomist and that gender and racial studies were not her specialty, so if you are looking for more commentary on that then this probably isn’t the book for you.

After finishing, I also decided to read some of the one-star reviews, because I was curious what could have led someone to hate the book so much when I really loved it. Many people said that she seemed to be idolizing a person who, with one quick Google search you would know, was a deeply deeply horrible person. I think this is true. Even though she does break down exactly what he did and how he ended up being the person he became, it’s still pretty clear that some part of her still obsesses over him. I will give her one benefit of the doubt, which is that the information available to us now was not so available when she first began her journey (see the linked interview). She started this research rabbit hole because of a legend passed around her school and learned the horrible things along the way. I think its very intentional that the book started out speaking so highly of him, because she was trying to take us on the same journey she went through, but she failed in making the horrors just as emphasized.

Miller also writes about some of her life experiences and choices, and at no point in the story did I think she was a particularly good role model either. She had something to say and she said it well, but she definitely made choices in her life that I am very morally against (cheating, for example), and failed to recognize the dangers of idolizing a man from a time so fraught with societal issues.

I may not agree with her on some things, and I may not have had to go through her same journey to reach the conclusions that she did, but I do think that what she had to say in this memoir was important and worth reading.

I would recommend this book highly and I definitely see myself rereading it in the future, so for those reasons I give this book

4.5 Stars

The interview: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lulu-miller-why-fish-dont-exist_n_5e90a9ccc5b6d641a6be4aef

[bettsfic]

I'm really enjoying your craft essay commentary! I have to read more in 2023, too. If you have anything in mind, it would be cool if you posted the list so we could take a look and join you! (Or if anyone has recs?)

i honestly wish i was one of those people who could make a reading list and make my way through it, but since reading is my job, when i read for fun it has to be either 1) entertaining, and/or 2) enriching, and it's surprisingly rare how few books there are that seem to fit into either category. which has nothing to do with the books and everything to do with my weird personal tastes.

but! here's what i'm hoping to make my way through in the coming weeks.

novels/memoirs

return of the king (re-read) and maybe some other tolkien stuff (i went on a used book store spree recently)

in the dream house by carmen maria machado (a christmas gift from @significationary!)

furnace creek by joseph allen boone (just preordered it in paperback)

the last 3 books of the neapolitan quartet by elena ferrante (i already read my brilliant friend)

the last samurai by helen dewitt

the color of sin and father of lies by janet inglis (these were very hard to get my hands on; i don't think they're in print anymore)

the locked tomb series? at least, another attempt will be made. the first time i tried gideon the ninth, it uh. didn't seem like my thing. but enough people have rec'd it that i'll try hard to stick with it.

maybe i'll finally read mdzs

i'd also love to pick up some classics that i'd intended to read for my comps, or maybe take a crack at smiley's list of 100 novels

nonfiction

authoring autism (this is going to take me a while, because it's a little over my head and also a very emotional read for me)

both tin house writer's notebooks

13 ways of looking at the novel by smiley

anatomy of criticism by frye (i think)

mystery and manners by o'connor

my narratology and rhetoric books (there are 2 narratology books that are based entirely on foucault so i'm gonna have to read him too probably)

and i have a bunch of other craft books on my shelf, plus a lengthy craft book purchase list, which i'm not letting myself touch until i've made a dent in what i already have

what i would love more than anything is to find a book or fic i can't put down, that i read until five in the morning and then pick up again as soon as i wake up (entertainment). or i'd like to find a book that's maybe not super interesting on a conflict level but which is so beautifully or weirdly written that it either teaches me something new about writing, or does one thing so remarkably well i might want to teach it in a class one day (enrichment).

last year, the best thing i read was a 700k fic that's not even on ao3 anymore, that was both entertaining (so sickeningly dark, with such high stakes) and enriching (i learned a goddamn ton about scene-level pacing and honestly just what it means to stare the present moment in the eye? i still can't even articulate exactly how masterful it was on a scene level). i also read when meat loves salt by maria mccann, which should have been a slam dunk for me (gorgeously written, historically accurate, extremely fucky gay relationship), and i did really like it but i read it in fits and starts throughout the year because it couldn't seem to keep my attention for long.

i thought the problem was that i was poorly medicated so i couldn't focus on anything. but now i can focus on stuff and i'm still putting down most of the books i pick up out of sheer disinterest. so i'm hoping this year i can kind of target that problem and figure out what my deal is, or find a way to reliably find books i know i'll like.

i always appreciate recs of the "this is the most exceptional thing i've ever laid eyes on" variety, so if anyone's got any of those, i'd love to hear them.

[bookstoreadbtr]

Roderick Edwards has written and published over 25 multi-genre books as paperbacks, eBooks, and audiobooks. According to his website Roderick is sometimes called the "Bansky of Books" due to his unexpected style that bypasses the cookie-cutter market-driven fare, you'll be certain to find something you will enjoy, or you will dive into a new genre with seamless crossover. He was delighted to share with us his experience as a published author.

When did you first notice your joy for writing? Ever since I could write, I’ve been writing stories in wire-bound note books and on any scrap of paper.

What inspired you to write your first book? With the advent of print-on-demand, self-publishing, becoming an author is easy. I tried and accomplished it.

What is the synopsis of your first book? A person wakes up in a strange world with no memory of how they got there. The world is full of hostile creatures. The person must figure out how to survive while also trying to figure out how they got there. https://rodericke.com/pve

What was the most challenging thing you experienced during publishing your first book? Editing and formatting are always the most difficult things for a self-published indie author. You can pay someone or you can try to do it yourself.

What advice would you give a first-time author? Think of your first book as a “throwaway” book that you are producing just to learn the process, otherwise you could be disappointed by the process and result.

What genres do you publish? What attracts you to writing in those genres? Nonfiction, historical, fiction, religious, political and more, as I am a multi-genre author. I’m attracted to knowledge and understanding.

What is your latest paperback about? Family Valor – it is a true story of WW1 & WW2 soldiers, father and son and their stories. One of them was a Congressional Medal of Honor recipient for saving people from a burning plane. The other was a paratrooper that was shot multiple times while serving in Europe. https://rodericke.com/family

What inspired you to write the book? A local man contacted me after seeing I’ve written other military biographies. He had pictures and documents to share. The stories came together and the book became a reality.

What was/were the motivation(s) to publish your first audiobook? I’m a big believer that to reach people you must go where they are, so I want my content to be consumed in all formats. Audiobooks are becoming a huge market. I wanted to stay ahead of the game.

What was the process like? Did you have a guide or did you figure it out along the way? ACX is the company Amazon uses to produce audiobooks. I have found their royalty share option with narrators makes it seamless to produce an audiobook. I read some help forums but otherwise figured it out as I went.

What author would you enjoy a conversation with? Why? J K Rowling, because she was the rare case where she was hugely successful with her first published book.

What words of wisdom would you share with someone who believes reading is boring? Don’t think of it as reading. Think of it as exploration. Don’t try to read 300+ page books or books by cookie-cutter authors. Maybe try audiobooks in the car.

Any advice for someone who is fearful of the publishing process and has yet to take the leap? Obviously, it is self-promotion but after 25 published books, I think I can say with legitimacy that reading my short book, HOW TO WRITE AND PUBLISH A BOOK TODAY will help a person move through the process in a realistic way. So many of the “How-to” books on the market promise too much and paint an unrealistic picture. https://rodericke.com/write

Where can we find you and your books on the world wide web? Any links you would like to share with your potential readers? My books are through Amazon, https://amazon.com/author/roderickedwards and are available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and some in audiobook formats. You can see my more personalized representation on my personal site, https://rodericke.com

[purpleyoonn]

i haven’t been on in a hot minute because life is overwhelming. but i see you have so many new fics that i need to get started on!!! omg so excited to read more from you.

update on me: my mom and i are going through my grandmothers things finally. it’s very… surreal at times. cause it’s just like “wow she’s really gone”. but also i’m learning more about my grandmother and i thought i knew a lot about her. and also classes are taking a toll. i’m in three different writing courses: contemporary art history (it’s a lot of academic writing), fiction, and creative nonfiction. plus two arts: print media and a print making class. i mean don’t get me wrong i’m actually loving my classes but i am so overwhelmed. the course work is exhausting and ugghhh. on top of everything depression has started to try and kick in which is so not fun. i was doing so well too 😭

anyway, i hope you are having a good day and you have a restful weekend!! it’s been storming all day today which has made my little depressed spell worse 🥴 i’ve missed escaping through your writing so i’m glad to be back!! -✍🏻

to be honest, I think I haven't answered this ask yet because im kind of jealous. im so happy that you got to actually go through your grandmothers things and be able to cherish those memories.

I didn't get that with my mother, unfortunately. when she passed, my grandmother, before my sisters and I could even like, actually come to terms with my moms passing, went through everything, claiming it was all hers or something she had given my mom. we didn't get any jewelry or clothes or anything. we were "saved" by my moms boyfriend who had kept her bag of things from when she was in the hospital the night-ish before. so I got the necklace my mom wore for years, adding additions on as time went by, my older sister got her favorite sweatshirt, and my younger sister got her favorite blanket. that is literally all we have left of our mom. besides her ashes.

im so happy that classes are going good though! I wish I could have taken more art classes in college, but I tend to think differently than my teachers and have almost had beef with every art teacher ive ever had. I have a love of using pen and ink as a medium, and I love sketching. I also have gotten into painting.

fun fact, ive never taken a creative writing course...like ever. I don't like being told what to do, and in being told to write like a poem or a non fiction piece, I would have rather gouged my eyes out. I also didn't like that I would be judged on my writing and graded on if I "fit the criteria" assigned to me. like its a creative writing course why am I being graded on my creativity??

I hope you like the new stories/chapters ive put out and im sorry I didn't answer this sooner🥺

[coquelicoq]

L (sorry if both asks went through, tumblr is garbage)

i only got one ask from you but i also got an anon asking for L, so it is meant to be!

Put a letter from A-Z in my ask and I’ll tell you 1 thing I love which starts with that letter.

i love leap years. i love that the calendar year is a social construct and sometimes we just all agree to throw in an extra day (or, in the case of lunisolar calendars, an extra month). i love that it's possible to have a birthday that some years just doesn't exist. i love that our tracking system for a natural phenomenon is imprecise enough that we're noticeably out of sync after only four years. (but also, four full years! not too shabby!)

i love lentils. there was a "let's make some soup poll" going around recently that ENRAGED me because lentils were not an option. yes many soups do not contain lentils and sometimes i even make and eat those soups...but to not offer them as a possible response was a slap in the face that lentils don't deserve. i once made lentil soup and some errant lentils found their way underneath a dish that i left in my sink for like two weeks and when i finally got the courage to wash that dish i found that the lentils had sprouted...not a good look for me as someone who should clean the sink more often, but the point is they're just little guys...straining for the sun with their little leafs....please don't forget about them 🥺

i love language. i love the creativity of it. i love that alongside its versatility and endless potential it is also by definition understandable…like no matter how far we take it, it only really remains language if it's communicating something from one person to another. and it's so human: fallible and incomplete and always changing, just like us. it exists because we are social creatures. the things it has allowed us to do! what a different existence this would be if the only things we could experience or learn about were the things available to our own immediate senses. plus all of my favorite types of humor are language-based. actually maybe i should branch out with my interests lol. think about things other than language for a change…

i love labelmakers. love me the fuck out of some labels. love making 'em, love sticking 'em to shit. in college i worked in a cafe where we had to wear nametags and i would just make myself a new name with the resident labelmaker (stored under the register) whenever i felt like it. i still have that nametag actually. it says my name is WANDA.

i love libraries. currently avoiding my local library because of the holds (there are so many) but i'm glad it exists. knowledge wants to be free!!! i love that i've had my library card since i was a wee bairn and it has my little kid handwriting on it. i love locating a nonfiction book in the sprawling morass of the dewey decimal system. it's probably not that hard but it feels like an accomplishment every time. i love libraries with big staircases and full-wall windows. i love seeing people sitting in chairs reading.

i love paintings of light on water but i'm not sure if that should go under P instead and i feel like i talk about it all the time so i'll spare you.

i love lyrics...especially stupid lyrics. especially abstruse lyrics. especially lyrics with sick rhyme schemes. especially lyrics that sound incredibly facile if you say them with normal cadence and pitch. that's why they're lyrics and not non-lyrics! they're meant to be sung!! i love stuff that's exactly what it's supposed to be and you maybe don't even notice until you try to make it something it's not. i love when it takes thirty years for me to realize i have no idea what the lyrics mean, or that i've been singing the wrong words all along. i love that lyrics are made by a person to a purpose. i especially love it when the lyrics come written down with the album. when nobody got me i know cd liner notes got me.

[straycatboogie]

2024/03/18 English

BGM: Teenage Fanclub - Hang On

It was a day off today. This morning, I went to the hospital and saw my doctor. We talked about my mental and physical condition. After that, I went to AEON but did nothing special. At the bookstore at AEON, I tried to find out the latest paperback of my favorite author Brady Mikako, but couldn't find it, therefore I had to give up.

This afternoon, after having a nap, I started writing the first piece of my novel actually. At first, I had thought the title could be "Word Salad". But after thinking for a while about that, I decided to name it "Kotonoha Salad". I don't want to write any "big" dreams about this - as you might have already known, my mind can changes really easily because of autism. All I have to do is just to keep on writing it with a certain steady attitude.

After having written the piece (and also, after having translated it into English,) I started writing the draft of the next presentation I'm going to do on the final Thursday of this month. At first, I had thought it should be about Discord itself. Why do I keep on using Discord? And what kind of things I have learned by using it? (especially, through the connection of our group "World's End Pharmacy") etc.

But, through writing it, my mind has started changing its figure (yes, as I've written above!) I started thinking about the "diversity". Especially, I started remembering the part of Brady Mikako's book "I Am Yellow, White and a Little Blue: The Real British Secondary School Days [ぼくはイエローでホワイトで、ちょっとブルー]" which has referred to diversity itself. As that nonfiction by her explains us, diversity is really "sensitive" concept to treat (therefore, on X, you can find plenty of troubles about this concept among Japanese "serious" users.)

I am NEVER a wise person. I am just a incomplete one who has always (yes, actually ALWAYS) been haunted by various [censored - but I believe you can guess this] idea. So, I have to confess you this. I keep on learning diversity through several conversations with various people.

This evening, I talked with a Chinese friend on WeChat. She taught me her life, and also embraced me. It has been really precious, wonderful moment - so I have promised her to show my new English version of that "Kotonoha Salad."