#so i just went with nonfiction because it's about me learning new things

[fictionadventurer]

Potential September Reading

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien (ideally in audio)

An English Squire by Christabel R. Coleridge

A Sherlock Holmes story (and/or a screen adaptation)

C.S. Lewis nonfiction

A sensation or mystery novel

A piece of one of the Psmith stories

Some kind of nonfiction book

[sheepwavehdg]

[Nonfiction/serious, CW recount of online sexual harassment] So, holy fuck. Last night someone developed an introject/fictive of one of my characters, Sally Fable from Good Sensory. It went poorly.

This person was barely more than a total stranger to me and had been sending me some just plain nonsensical DMs on discord, so I just muted them for 24 hours because I didn't care or feel like dealing with it. I was about to be enjoying some Substances™, and I just told them I wasn't gonna be avaliable.

Fast forward a few hours later and my very pleasant high is interrupted by the notification that someone is calling me on discord. I tab over, and discover hundreds of messages calling me mistress, begging me to punish them, sending me partially nude photos, asking for reassurances that because they're Sally Fable, I wrote Good Sensory for them too (more on that in a moment)

I block them as soon as I understand what's happening, and then I think I started getting notifications of them pinging me on the HDG discord, bypassing the block via pluralkit(???) so I left the discord (I am unsure of this and can't find any supporting evidence of it now that Ive rejoined, I was high and confused, but it's what I thought was happening in the moment anyway which is why I left) and got to have the lovely experience of learning how much worse a panic attack hurts when you're high and every sensation has "reverb" on your body.

This felt so particularly violating because Sally is not some character I made up whole cloth, her personality and appearance is specifically modeled on two of my partners. This is not a secret, it's in the chapter notes. I know this person read those, because some of the hundreds of messages they sent me referenced it and asked if this meant I wrote it for them too.

I made the discord staff aware of what was going on and they did a great job of both handling the situation on the server and lots of them reaching out to me and making me feel like I wasn't alone and they had my back, which meant more in that moment than I can even put into words. 😭

Anyway, I just woke up a few hours ago from a nightmare where this person sent me a suicide note via the comments on Good Sensory, which unfortunately is well within the reasonable possibility space of a thing that happens when someone fixates on you and you block them and they are banned from their community. (I have had stalkers in the past! Yay!)

So yeah I was very much not calm to see this when I woke up

I got a friend to check over the comments before I looked, and fortunately it was just normal comments. I've been absolutely blown away by the reaction to Good Sensory in particular, and I love reading peoples comments. That I was made to feel scared of something that would normally make me flap my hands in joy (sixteen new comments overnight is not unheard of for me, but it's still not typical) feels so shitty.

I also feel horribly guilty even tho I know it's irrational for me to feel anything but violated by this having happened. Like there's a reason I identify with the affini, I can't see someone in distress and not want to help. I feel bad that what I assume was a vulnerable trans woman clearly in some kind of psychosis state is going to have to wake up from it and find out they blew up their own social life yesterday.

But yeah, god, fuck, what a thing that happened. I had to write this just to proscess this experience. It doesn't feel like it was real but like it was. I'm going to be shaken by this for a bit most likely 😓

[kaikamahine]

Hey, if you're comfortable sharing, can you drop a recommendation list for non fic that you've read/listened to? I've been meaning to branch into non fiction books for a while now and your recommendations would be welcome!

Ow, friend, it really hurts when you twist my arm like that lmao.

But no really, I would love to. All of these I listened to as audiobooks from my library, so I can't promise the print versions aren't dense or hard to get through!

For Beginners: Engaging and humorous narration, broad scientific and historical appeal, fascinating subjects.

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. What it says on the tin, presented with a Douglas Adams-esque sense of humor. An Immense World by Ed Yong. An exploration of animals and their senses! I got a little teary eyed in places, because, like, nature is so cool???

Moderate: Harder subject matter. Be aware if you're in a fragile state.

An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz. Overlaps with Wild New World by Dan Flores, which I read at the same time. Turns out the fate of America's native people and its native fauna were intrinsically linked, whodda thunk. Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell. If you want a book about the banana things cults have done just so you can feel superior to the people who get trapped in them, this isn't it. Montell's got an impeccable comedic beat in addition to making you stop and think. Destiny Disrupted by Tamim Ansary. A history of the world through an Islamic lens! I might be biased, bc this was what I have a degree in, but I LOVED this one. Ansary's really good at drawing parallels in the form of "so this is probably how you learned it in the West, and here's how the Middle World saw it." Goes up to the present!

Niche Topics: Because who doesn't love when experts talk about the things they love and know a lot about and want to share it with you!

Paved Paradise by Henry Grabar. Parking! A whole book about parking! And it's genuinely fascinating, start to finish! Shakespeare Was a Woman and Other Fallacies by Elizabeth Winkler. Probably not news to English majors, but yo! I did not know! That Shakespeare's identity was even in contention. What else don't I know! Blowout by Rachel Maddow. The slimy history of America and oil. If you don't know, Maddow's one of those people Fox News complains about a LOT, and if that wasn't recommendation enough, she's also fantastic at telling a story. Pandora's Jar by Natalie Haynes. Women in Greek myth! Haynes writes fiction, too, and I really wish my library had more of her nonfiction, because when I finished this one, I went right back to the beginning to listen again.

By Author:

Mary Roach. You will see Mary Roach on a hundred different nonfiction rec lists. She is stellar at taking a topic and making it the most fascinating thing you'll hear about today. My library only has two of her books, so I can't tell you which one is the best yet lol. Patrick Radden Keefe. There's a lot of really good names in the reporter-turned-author category, but Keefe was the one I read the most of this year. His book on the opiod crisis (18 hours on audiobook) still sits heavy with me.

[puckpocketed]

weird/bad interactions always remind me about the good things. feeling very sentimental under the cut <3

housekeeping

The gist of this is that I'm very grateful every day my first encounters with hockey on here were primarily with kraken lb and sharks lb. You can stop here if you aren't in the mood for an essay LOL

I'm thankful in general for everyone who has ever welcomed me into their hockey spaces for giving me role models to emulate. I feel especially thankful after such a strange, off-putting experience in a new tag just now.

On the off-chance you're the person who took a screenshot of my post to tell me to leave your space and you're reading this: thanks for the chat, no hard feelings and no grudges held. If you're one of the people who uncritically reblogged that post... I can't tell you what to do with your blog but dog piling is a pretty good way to bully people and drive new fans, artists and gifmakers away from your community.

I'm not here to guilt people into being friends with me. and honestly, I don't want friends who would do that. I sincerely hope you grow and the next new fan you encounter gets a warmer welcome than I did. I know most people in the tag aren't like that, but I think I'll shelf that team for now. (my quest to fall in love with 32 teams carries on!)

Anyway, I get pretty mushy about my friends and communities semi-regularly on here so it’s not anything people haven’t heard before, but it’s MY blog and I get to write love letters to my teams and their communities if i want!!!!!

kraken

I take my cues from the way people in this tag treated me. The warm welcome is something I'll always think about, no matter how my relationship to the team and the community at large evolves over time. Sparking my interest in writing again, making new friends, and learning about The Beautiful Game was such a highlight during my summer last year. I am very very tender about this team and community. It’s hard to talk about them sometimes because it’s like… my feelings are so big <3 they are eating me like a soup dumpling. my head is being ripped off and my soupy insides are being sipped <- don’t know where i’m going with that....!

I confess I often feel overwhelmed and lost in the hockey tumblr space as someone who doesn’t participate in shipping/rpf and isn’t attracted to men, but I’ve never felt like people wanted me out because of it. Thank you for accepting me, and accepting the way I love this team and sport.

sharks

Tiny but mighty!! the kraken crossover likely contributed a lot to this, but I've met such amazing people in this tag. We may have different/conflicting opinions about non-sharks teams but we are united in our love for this flop train and my life is enriched by it. Would not commit to a months long research project with any other people ! Mwah <3

There's a whole iceberg's worth of things to say here. I'm trying to keep it short otherwise it would be like.... a whole post of its own LMAO.... i should definitely write a puck-mortem on the primer work one day.

But to give anyone reading this an example: I still think about a sharks writing prompt challenge where the organiser went out of the way to include non-shipping/nonfiction works in their list of acceptable submissions. I won't name or @ anyone in this because that's sooo embarrassing aslkjasdkljdjkl but. we exchanged a few messages about it, and learning that they did that specifically to make sure people like me were included genuinely made me tear up.

I love u sharkudablr <33

kings

Somehow even smaller. Many of us don't have LAK as our primaries, and honestly why would we? The community tinyyy... and only recently we're coming back to life it seems. I really can count on two hands every active kings blog I've met and interacted with. But I value every 6 note post so much <3 also we may be very funny for real actually. incredible memes and collective sense of humour. The memes and gifs and photo edits + reposts are so important to me .

I love our kings, our little family, our little liveblog tag. The way I follow LA is unlike how I follow any other team. they really are my eldest daughter, in that I am holding them to SUCH high standards. Perhaps because out of all my teams their fate seems the most uncertain? Are we on the verge of collapse ? are we cup contenders? are we ever gonna escape the round 1 time loop? <3

I hope one day we're as big and warm as my other beloved team tags. I think we're on our way :)

golden knights

another small but close community. I'm so grateful I saw Adin Hill go ultra instinct and got interested in this team <3 aside from saving me a bit of heartbreak during the trade deadline, I've met amazing new people.

Also, loving this team makes for a great litmus test + rent lowering shots. To be loud about enjoying this team is to filter unserious people out of my tumblr experience <3 Those who were wishing injury on m.stone in particular and those who were uncritically repeating conspiracy theories, thanks for exposing yourself during playoffs. Those who are in the tags of my vgk gifs saying how much you hate this team, thanks for exposing yourselves. I do not go out of my way to be spiteful on here, I think it really does no good. but I fear I don't want to sit with you at lunch if you are doin all that!!

what's really special to me is how our community is small and safe. it is the safest I've felt in a hockey community. I am so happy our discord is place I can go to without fear of seeing one of my other teams/players randomly smeared, I love that it was started with the express intention to avoid simply repeating the unfiltered hatred we experience in other spaces. building with purpose, choosing to be kind... i think that's also something I want to take and run with in my own community building efforts. thanks for being bold enough to be different <3

caps

Quickly rising up from babygirl-in-laws (hi Lucky!!) to BELOVEDS. I think the Dubois trade might be one of those inflection points they talk about in sci-fi movies where they gotta time travel and change the future :) I was already sort of eyeing this team and had a few friends/mutuals who followed them, but the incredible caps fans who have reached out to me to share their love of their team really sold me.

I love talking hockey with everyone I've met. I love the goofy vibes. i love the essays in my inbox. I love that people read the essays i write back. <3 When a link to a video didn't work for me (required a log in) a caps fan simply screen recorded it and posted it. When I asked about the power play I got completely serious hockeypilled answers <3

There is something to love about every team, but I'm finding a huge part of loving them, at least for me, is the people you love them with.

everyone else

If i haven't mentioned a team I like or people I've interacted with it's because there are too many to recall in one go and this post has gotten a lot longer than I originally intended <3 trust that I think of you warmly and often. every person who has ever sent me an encouraging word, discoursed with me about the game and the narratives, and every note on my silly gifs and art - appreciate you more than I can express. you all make being on here such a cool experience.

I hope i love hockey for a long time and keep meeting new people <3

[bigbrotherlouis]

top books of 2024!

i’ve been doing a lot more reading and i love talking about it so here are my faves. i tried to narrow it down to 5 and then went “well, i can’t leave THAT one off the list!” so ten fiction and five nonfiction recs for you:

fiction:

1. nettle and bone by t. kingfisher - i’m a sucker for a fairytale and this was a good one. felt very familiar and still very new all at the same time. t. kingfisher was a new to me author this year and her horror didn’t hit but all her fairytales did. this one was very good, and a princess nun on a witchy endeavor was a fun time.

2. burial rites by hannah kent - i read this in one sitting because i couldn’t put it down, and i’m still thinking about it almost a year later. the way kent changes your opinion on the characters is so skillfully done and i liked it a lot.

3. the library at mount char by scott hawkins - this is not a book for everyone but i do love a plot that makes me go “HOW did you even THINK of that?!” what WOULD you do if god went missing?? massive trigger warnings but oh so good.

4. the alice network by kate quinn - kate is my holiday read author of choice and i read this in poland in the summer and it was perfect. the rose code is still my favourite book of hers but this one ranked up there. love a good spy network.

5. beartown by fredrick backman - i loved this one but i think i would’ve loved it more if i had not read the other two. good, but after three books of that length it does drag. masterful control of perspective and of plot weaving, plus some great ruminations on hockey.

6. the six deaths of the saint by alix e. harrow - i am overjoyed that harrow is (allegedly) making this into a longer novel because i LOVED IT. the visceralness of it. the cyclical nature. the horror when you realise what’s happening. perfect.

7. when among crows by veronica roth - i’m a slut for slavic folklore and this has such a sense of both history and place that really draws you in. i cannot stop thinking about the spine sword. i wish it had been longer just to stay in the world more.

8. the english understand wool by helen dewitt- i know it’s three novellas in a row but they were GOOD!! this one was an amazing length and just a fascinating almost oceans eleven-esque unraveling of a story. i gasped.

9. normal people by sally rooney - i know I KNOW. but i went to school on the emerald isle and it just resonated in lots of ways. i fell in love with the characters and honestly? might reread this winter bc i loved the atmosphere.

10. penance by eliza clark - god. this book. brutal in the worst ways and such an insightful commentary on, well, a lot of things. true crime culture, online communities, parasocial relationships, the weirdness of girl friendships as teens. also a potential reread!

nonfiction:

1. red valkyries by kristen ghodsee - probably my favourite book i’ve read this year, just because i learned SO much!! i read it in one sitting because i was just so fascinated by these amazing women, and i walked away with a more nuanced, more positive view of lenin than before.

2. the quiet damage by jesselyn cook - possibly the best nonfiction book i have ever read? i couldn’t put it down. heartbreaking and tough to read but i think very necessary in these days.

3. war is a force that gives us meaning by chris hedges - this is very good with a disclaimer. i agreed with a lot of his overarching philosophies but i didn’t agree with his examples. it has some pitfalls, but! parts of it are essential reading for peacebuilders. if anyone wants to chat abt this one please text

4. in the dream house by carmen maria machado - this was a very good memoir and very innovative in form. i liked that part a lot but i couldn’t quite shake the feeling that this was not written for me. that’s okay! i could still see how it might be impactful and, again, i liked the playing with tropes, but didn’t hit me the way i expected after seeing other people’s reactions.

5. the sunflower by simon wiesenthal - i tell everyone to read this book if they are interested in peacebuilding at all. it’s a good commentary on forgiveness. not much else to say except it’s fascinating.

and that’s all for now! i read 62 books and am trying to read 100 in the upcoming year (about 8 a month). my personal goal is at least one nonfiction a month, but my secret goal is two with one being more memoir and one being more informative. it was fun rediscovering how to read again and i’m hoping to continue that in 2025 :)

also for the record the worst book i read this year is the idea of you which is the one that anne hathaway starred in an adaptation of. absolutely terrible.

[shark-myths]

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

[thelaurenshippen]

this month’s mixtape is for Sawyer Watson, one of the protagonists of my queer outlaw western (currently drafting). if you subscribe to my newsletter (linked in the previous sentence), then you’ll have already read these, but for everyone else, my notes:

Similarly to last month's Tex Bullock playlist, I'd never actually written annotations for this playlist, despite the fact that I made it all the way back in 2019. And as I did last month to catch you up if you're new: Desperate Hollow is my currently unpublished queer outlaw romance. Tex Bullock and Sawyer Watson grow up in a gang together before Sawyer shoots Tex and leaves him for dead. Seven years later, they end up in the same dead-end town and have to deal with everything they've never said. 

But. Yeah. 2019. That's when I made the original three playlists for this story (this being the third I've shared, though it was made simultaneously with Tex's). It's odd listening to them now, because the characters they were made for feel like sketched versions of them, rather than the completely filled out people they are now. But they didn't change too much from their original conception, so everything still holds. 

Sawyer does not belong in the life of an outlaw. That's not to say he's bad at it--as Tex swoons over observes when they're in their late teens, Sawyer is exquisitely good at violence, he just hates it. He'd much rather think or talk his way out of a problem, so it's a good thing he's incredibly smart and persuasive. He isn't charismatic in the traditional sense - not flirtatious, but commanding. He knows how to tell a story or express an idea and make people listen. And he's curious about everything - always reading any nonfiction tomes he can get his hands on or learning a new skill. He plays piano beautifully and when he lets himself feel joy it is all encompassing. Sawyer has the reputation for being the one person who can truly rein Tex in, but he doesn't like being viewed as Tex's handler - he doesn't think Tex needs to be handled. Tex, the unholy terror of the West, needs to be protected. Which makes it hurt all the more when Sawyer is the one to shoot him and leave him for dead.

1. "Sad, Sad Song" - M. Ward

This is where Sawyer starts the story--he's been living on his own for seven years, with the assumption that Tex is dead in the ground and that Sawyer is the one who put him there. And there's something so beautifully tragic to me about someone going around and asking the entire universe why their true love is gone. I especially love that idea in the context of Sawyer fully knowing that he's the reason. 

And so I went to my mom/I said "Mama, please, what do you do when your true love leaves?"/She said "the hardest thing in the world to do/Is to find somebody believes in you" - Sawyer, made an orphan in his adolescence, would love nothing more to talk to his mother and father about what's happened. But they, like Tex, are gone, so there's no one left in the world who believes in him.

God, I promise, the whole playlist isn't going to be dour sad songs, I'm realizing now this is sort of a downer opener. Tex's is a lot more energetic throughout and that's because he's the one who basically had to crawl out of his grave. Sawyer's the one who has been living like a ghost himself, weighed down by grief. 

2. "Me and Mine" - The Brothers Bright

This scene isn't really in the book the way it used to be, but the idea of Sawyer - someone who hates violence and has never killed anyone in his life - going completely bonkers scorched earth because someone hurt Tex is one of my favorites to think obsessively about. If anyone else had shot Tex, that person would have absolutely been the first and last victim of Sawyer Watson. But instead, he has only himself to blame and I'm sure he won't punish himself in any kind of really sad and mournful way or anything. 

I'm a man of my word/I will burn your kingdom down/If you try to conquer me and mine - Sawyer is absolutely a man of his word, and he is also definitely deeply possessive. A thing that Tex would be totally normal about of course if he knew. 

3. "House of the Rising Sun" - Lauren O'Connell

What would a moody Americana playlist be without an even moodier cover of this song?

Sawyer is not a gambling man, nor one who drinks to excess, nor does he ever partake in the saloon girls all over the Wild West (he is very, very gay and demisexual - also, I know this song isn't explicitly about sex work as much as it is the other two things, but idk, the first time I heard the phrase "House of the Rising Sun", I just sort of thought of a brothel), but he is the sun to Tex's moon, so I do like that imagery. 

But that's not all - I like that the lyrics have so much about parents - a bit of a running theme for Sawyer, who had parents who were wonderful and actually had an impact (positive) on him. I think Sawyer would see the life he leads after they die as some kind of let down for them - that he's been led into ruin and vice, when they were such upstanding moral people. But, then again, Sawyer wouldn't trade it for anything because his "house of the rising sun" isn't a place or a vice at all, but Tex Bullock, an addiction he'll never give up. 

4. "Jolene" - Mindy Smith

See first bullet on previous song. 

Gay demisexual Sawyer jumps out here in full - Tex is the only one for him and always will be. So he watches Tex - bisexual and promiscuous (I know it's a bad bi stereotype - one that, as a bi person myself, I find deeply annoying but...Tex just enjoys sex. Idk what else to do about it) - go to bed with person after person and just...silently sulks about it for years. One of those "both of these people are so jealous that they're blind to the other's jealousy" situations. 

(It should be noted, if its of interest, that these are the sexualities I see them as having from a writing standpoint but from a story standpoint, it's 1898 so of course they weren't using any of these words. Mostly their sexuality is something demonstrated rather than talked about, which is partly why Tex thinks Sawyer is probably interested in nothing at all).

5. "Take Me to Church" - MILCK

Okay, jeez, this playlist is, like, mostly covers. I love a cover, but this is excessive even for me. 

But there is something inherently queer about this song (originally by Hozier, patron saint of lesbians; also, watch the music video), and I love this female cover that maintains the pronouns, to make it explicitly gay. There was also a half intentional/half subconscious thing of filling Sawyer's playlist with female artists. There's a lot of subtextual gender fuckery in the story (necessary for any good Western in my opinion; see also, last week's newsletter) and whereas Tex is a construct of American masculinity covering up a classic "pretty boy" exterior, Sawyer is classically handsome and strong, but much more comfortable in both his masculinity and femininity. 

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies - I am rotating like a rotisserie chicken about this line when I think of these two. I was going to explain more, but I'm basically already writing out the whole story here, so I'm gonna hold back for now. 

Sawyer grew up going to church and is mostly ambivalent about God now,  but his and Tex's devotion to each other is something holy to him, even when they're just friends.

6. "Lemons" - Brye

A bit of a hard tonal turn, but there needed to be some lightness in the midst of all this angst. This song and the next are representative of those moments when Sawyer tries to remember Tex's frustrating qualities or, eventually, when Tex is back in his life and just as infuriating as ever.

You're a sour little boy, with a fragile masculinity

I've tried to remain patient with your stupid shenanigans/But you've given me no other choice/You've tried to knock me over by acting like you're above me/And pretending that I don't have a voice - this is exactly what Sawyer felt about Tex when they first met and how he feels about a lot of people through the years. Sawyer has very little patience for bullshit. 

7. "High Horse" - Kacey Musgraves

See the last bullet on the previous song. 

Oh, I bet you think you're John Wayne/Showing up and shooting down everybody/You're classic in the wrong way/And we all know that you know the story - see: Tex's playlist featuring "John Wayne" by Lady Gaga

And also, I think Sawyer sometimes feels a little this way - that he kills the buzz by opening his mouth and being practical, that he's too stuck on his high horse to be fun. 

8. "I Walk the Line" - Halsey

Female cover strikes again! 

So. I have a terrible confession to make. I'm not a huge fan of Johnny Cash. Don't get me wrong, I think his songs absolutely rule, I'm just not a huge fan of his vocal style, which is why I end up with a lot of covers of his stuff. 

Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you/because you're mine/I walk the line - now, Sawyer, deeply uninterested in anyone who isn't Tex, doesn't have problems with fidelity (to be fair to Tex, neither would he if he actually had what he wanted with Sawyer - that is a bi stereotype that I just fully hate and, in general, I'm just not interested in cheating storylines), but he's still walking a line. He's walking Barlowe's line. He sees how dedicated Tex is to the gang and even though Sawyer could break out on his own, he stays and follows Barlowe so that he can be by Tex's side. 

9. "Missing Me" - Angie McMahon*

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the line loving you is lonely is just sooooooooooo. Well, that's the whole thing, really. 

This song is about someone who is being ignored by their paramour, so not a perfect 1:1, but the object of affection being someone who swaggers, chatters, talks them to nothing...well! That's Tex! 

And, to get back to the point: loving you is lonely. That's how Sawyer feels. He knows that Tex is devoted to him as a friend and brother-in-arms, but he doesn't think that Tex loves him the way Sawyer loves Tex and that is so lonely. And then, once he's gone, all that Sawyer has is that loneliness and missing Tex and still wishing that, somehow, wherever he is, Tex misses Sawyer too. 

Loving you has thrown me/You have been my only rock on the ground

[gotjacobian]

Finished the "HOT-TO-GO" translation, which I'll put under a cut. Original lyric is in italics at the top, then mandarin and (pinyin), and then [a more literal translation] and some notes on why we picked what we did.

I can be the one, I’m your new addiction 我可以成为你的，想成为你的瘾 (Wǒ kěyǐ chéngwéi nǐ de, xiǎng chéngwéi nǐ de yǐn) [I could be yours, want to be your new addiction]

It’s all in my head, but I want nonfiction 都是我的想象, 但我想要现实 (Dōu shì wǒ de xiǎngxiàng, dàn wǒ xiǎng yào xiànshí) [It's all imagination, but I want reality]

I don’t want the world but I'll take this city 我不要全球 但要拿下这城市。 (Wǒ bùyào quánqiú dàn yào ná xià zhè chéngshì. [I don't want the world, but I'll take this city]

Who can blame a girl, call me hot not pretty 不要叫我漂亮，你要叫我火辣。 (Bùyào jiào wǒ piàoliang, nǐ yào jiào wǒ huǒ là.) [Don't call me pretty, call me hot.]

Pretty direct translations. The last line is the biggest change. We dropped the first question and went for an exact translation of "You shouldn't call me pretty, you should call me hot." It keeps the beat better, and putting 火辣 (huǒ la, hot) at the end keeps the punchiness better than 漂亮 (piàoliang, pretty) would. And it comes a bit closer to actually rhyming (though I didn't really put much effort into preserving that - I think it would take a level of mastery I definitely don't have)

Baby, do you like this beat? 宝宝,你喜欢这歌吗? (Bǎobǎo, xǐhuān zhè gē ma) [Baby, do you like this song?]

I made it so you’d dance with me 我写了它好和你跳舞 (Wǒ xiěle tā hǎo hé nǐ tiàowǔ) [I wrote it to dance with you]

It's a hundred-ninety-nine degrees 是一百九十九度啊 (Shì yībǎi jiǔshíjiǔ dù a) [It's a hundred-ninety-nine degrees!]

When we’re doing it baby, doing it baby 等到我们做的时候， 我们做的时候 (Děngdào wǒmen zuò de shíhòu, wǒmen zuò de shíhòu) [By the time we do it, By the time we do it.] Numbers are one of the things I know well at this point, so I was very pleased at how closely the scansion matches across languages there. It matches too well - you fall one syllable short because of the 度(dù)/degrees swap, and really can't change anything without making the line significantly harder to sing. My gf and I went back and forth for a while about how to finish the phrase, and just ended up adding 啊which indicates an exclamation, and also works as an "ah!" for the singer to play with going into the next bit. For the last line, there's an impressively close equivalent to "doing it" as a euphemism in 做 (zuò, do or make, contextual sexual connotations fully included). Which I learned when it came up as one of the characters to memorize on a flashcard website I was using, and I got a very weird look when I asked what it meant.

Snap and crack and touch your toes 啪啪啪，触摸你脚趾 (Pā pā pā, chùmō nǐ jiǎozhǐ) [ Snap, snap, snap, touch your toes]

Raise your hands now body roll 举手现在屁股摇 (Jǔ shǒu xiànzài pìgu yáo) [Raise your hands and shake your ass now] 啪啪啪(Pā pā pā) is onomatopoeic for snapping, but ALSO has some convenient sexual connotations! And I had no idea how to get "body roll" , so went with the more vulgar, but also more easily translated, 现在屁股摇 ( xiànzài pìgu yáo, "now shake your ass". 屁股 is one of the words I already knew how to translate, because I went to middle school with a lot of kids who spoke chinese.)

Dance it out, we’re hot-to-go 通宵开门打包带走 (Tōngxiāo kāimén dǎb��o dài zǒu) [Open all night 'for takeaway']

H-O-T-T-O-G-O You can take me hot-to-go 可以把我打包带走 (Kěyǐ bǎ wǒ dǎbāo dài zǒu) [You can have me 'for takeaway']

We kept the spelling, and I think an "actual" translation/cover would too. I am very pleased with the swap of "dance it out" for something that's the equivalent of a shop window "open 24 hours" sign, also. And then, of course. "打包带走" (dǎbāo dài zǒu) literally means " wrapped up like a dumpling and taken away" and practically means "as takeout", and we put that in anywhere "hot-to-go" shows up in the original song.

I woke up alone staring at my ceiling 我独醒得早，仰屋兴叹 (Wǒ dú xǐng dé zǎo, yǎng wū xīngtàn) [I woke up early alone, looking up at the house and sighing]

I try not to care but it hurts my feelings 我努力不在意可我内心困扰 (Wǒ nǔlì bù zàiyì kě wǒ nèixīn kùnrǎo) [I try not to care but I'm troubled inside]

This translation of "staring at the ceiling" is very... literary? It is 'staring at the ceiling' in this context. The direct translation is something like "to stare at one's house in sadness" and comes with associations of truly unmitigated despair. This greatly entertains me, so I kept it. The translation of "hurts my feelings" here is also more directly "troubles my heart" which is pretty good. The first time I tried to translate it, the literal translation was "hurt my face" (fun fact - the 'saving face' idiom in english comes from this equivalency in chinese) and my gf laughed for like five minutes.

You don’t have to stare, come here get with it 不要只是盯着， 可以来得到我 (Bùyào zhǐshì dīngzhe, kěyǐ lái dédào wǒ) [Don't just stare, you can come and get me] No one’s touched me there in a damn hot minute 很久没有人操过我了 (Hěnjiǔ méiyǒu rén cāoguò wǒle) [It's been a long time since anyone has fucked me.]

Apparently the "it = me" implication "get it/with it" here doesn't translate well? Which I find interesting because mandarin usually seems very ready to leave stuff like that up to context in other situations. I was also proud of the next one - mandarin is left-branching, not right-branching, so communicating the sentiment "no one has touched me in a long time" goes in the order "in a long time, no one has touched me." Which breaks my brain a little when I have to say things, but that's not the point - the humor of this line comes from having a euphemistic first half and more intense/explicit back half. So I flipped which clause was the explicit/non-explicit one to keep that.

What's it take to get your number? 你可以留下电话号码 (Nǐ kěyǐ liú xià diànhuà hàomǎ) [You could leave your phone number]

What's it take to bring you home? 我真的很��带你回家 (Wǒ zhēn de hěn xiǎng dài nǐ huí jiā) [I really want to take you home] Gf and I also talked a lot about these. Apparently this kind of rhetorical structure is really hard to do concisely in mandarin. Like it exists, but the primary way you communicate stuff like what would be communicated the weird verb tense sandwich of "what does it take to get" is by sticking a bunch more words in a sentence. I'm still not totally satisfied with what we came up with, but it was tough to try and hit the right tone. The "leave your phone number" thing is also apparently just how you say that, though most of the suggestions i saw for a "get your number" translation on i.e. reddit were actually "add me on WeChat" lol.

Hurry up, it's time for supper 快点，晚饭时间到了 (Kuài diǎn, wǎnfàn shíjiān dàole) [Come on, it’s dinner time]

Order up, I'm hot to go 下单了, 打包带走 (Xià dānle, dǎbāo dài zǒu) [Order up, for takeaway]

Hurry up, it's getting cold 快点吧，天要冷了 (Kuài diǎn ba, tiān yào lěngle) [Come on, it’s getting cold]

Last few lines! The first thing I came up with for the "it's time for supper" I was told sounded too much like "your mom calling you in for dinner" and there was much discourse about what fixing that would even entail. I was pleased that there's also a pretty nice translation for "Order up" that fits the beat.

[financeprincess]

Could you talk a bit more about the “mental” part of glowing up? Taking those first steps and being intentional about changing yourself and your life?

A lot of it is about commitment to change and stepping out of your comfort zone. Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things, going new places, inserting yourself into spaces you haven’t been, all help break limiting beliefs. Imposter syndrome is super real especially if it’s been bulldozed into you from day one that you have to be the best at everything (speaking from personal experience) and especially if you’ve ever dealt with anxiety it can be tough to get over. I meditate a lot, journal, listen to high vibrational frequencies and bilateral stimulation music, read/write/speak/listen to affirmations, went to therapy for a very long time. Also it’s very normal to cry, I cried a lot when I first started to really change things because I felt like I was grieving an entire life I was leaving behind and was grieving for my past self because she had tried so damn hard to get it together but hard work doesn’t always equal the results you want. Manifestation and reaching your goals is easier in a state of receiving, flow, and ease. Write down how you want your ideal life to be and start thinking of the steps it takes to get there. Use a planner and dump everything you need to into it.

Read as many books as you can about things that interest you, especially nonfiction. Some of my favorites are finances, real estate, technology, biographies, fashion, politics, history, science, classic literature, and philosophy. Download DuoLingo and start learning languages that interest you. Invest in your hobbies. Try whatever you want to try: pottery, dance, horseback riding, painting, new workout classes, photography, musical instruments, sewing, baking, chess, the possibilities are endless.

Stop consuming low vibrational content: brain rotting TikTok videos, trashy TV shows, anything with excessive violence or gore, anything on social media that is exclusively for shock value or trying to illicit attention or controversy. If you’re consuming media you want to feel better or more informed after watching it. I love food and nature documentaries for this reason. Speaking of social media, delete everything you have on your profiles that doesn’t align with who you want to be. Or better yet, delete them altogether and either go ghost or start a new one. Do a dopamine detox and cut out vices as much as you can. Video games, excessive shopping, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, caffeine, sugar, social media, unhealthy foods, gossiping, etc. All of these give your brain a rush when you engage in them, amongst other habits.

Limit or eliminate time around negative people or people who just do not have it together. What kind of people do you want around you? Do these people elevate me or bring me down? How do they act towards me? You have to be ruthless with your personal boundaries because you can’t expect other people to read your mind. Ultimately it comes down to switching your mindset and taking radical personal responsibility for your own life. If you feel a sense of responsibility over everything around you, it will cause you to take action if you are not happy. Positive mindset and radical trust in God is everything too.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

nov 5 rambling

all week, i've been seriously considering taking a break from political news, and i can't tell if that comes from a place of maturing as i'm about to hit 40 or as a warning about my mental health, because for me numbness and avoiding my interests are usually tells for depression.

but mostly, the idea--even as it seems like a good one--just kinda hurts, because deep-diving into policies and governmental history and being a nerd about campaigns and candidates has been a core part of who i am for years now.

growing up, i was surrounded by adults who didn't talk about politics, who as far as i know never even voted, who insisted it didn't matter or change anything. when i came back from college with a new awareness that politics existed, i felt like i had a lifetime of missing knowledge to catch up on, and i dove in.

plus, as somebody autistic but also easily bored due to adhd, i don't just have a singular special interest--politics is one i developed later in life. fictional media, live news, memoirs and nonfiction books, and journalism have taught me so much. i've enjoyed the learning. it's my kind of fun, being a sponge.

but this year was the first election day i've spent not obsessively refreshing electoral maps and awash in existential dread. sure, i know doing that won't change any outcomes, but it's how i don't handle the stress anyway. except that wasn't an option this time.

@actuallylukedanes and i spent the morning busy with important errands, and we spent the afternoon and evening making trips to the vet, worrying about one of our cats who'd had surgery. i went to bed that night in the back room, keeping watch over him and barely sleeping.

when i saw my best friend the next morning, tragedy was written all over their face, and they greeted me with the election results. i'm pretty sure i blinked for a few seconds before i responded at all...but it wasn't because i was in shock, or devastated. i'd just forgotten about the election entirely, tucked in a small room with a sweet kitten who was bleeding.

and it feels weird, all of that, having a day that was so big and busy that for once something overshadowed epic political battles and narratives and fear. who knows, maybe that's what daily life is like for most people. maybe that's how so many people are comfortable basing their votes on vibes and not looking anything up: they're too busy caring about just what's in front of them.

i don't know how to live that way, and i'm not sure i would want to even if i could. everyone i love is too at-risk, depending on who has power in this country, for me to put my head down and completely check out. and something about my bipolar nature has always meant that i feel a weird duty to take in the pain, like i can't fix everything for everyone so i at least owe them my empathy, my constant pressing-on-a-bruise awareness of all the bad things i can't control.

so i don't like feeling numb. that switch still gets flipped sometimes, without me trying, when the alternative would be drowning in the overflow of emotions. when that happens, i know my brain's trying to protect me, in the only way it knows how. and maybe that explains my reaction now, maybe it's a depression tell or a protective mechanism--but it's just so different from what i would've expected.

there's a very firm wall up between me and the results of this election. i feel hyper aware of what it means, the rightward shift of our national and state and local elections this week, of what could happen to my family and my friends and everyone else who deserves so much better. so on a deeper level, i also can't feel it at all.

i was heartbroken in 2016, and in shock. i cried so much, and we ultimately moved to a state where we would be safer. but i stayed hopepunk, and kept learning, and participated in mutual aid. in 2020 i blogged my amusing thoughts about the democratic primary debates here, and was grateful for every good thing that the government has done since.

but with everything i know, and everything i've learned, i feel even less prepared for what's going to happen now--because what i've learned is how limitless the potential horrors could be. spreading out in all directions, the future is a black box that asks us what we want to trust (things they say? things they've already done? things we believed no one would ever really do?) before we can know what to do.

so this time, i've barely cried. i haven't watched the concession speech. i don't think i ever will. and i keep returning to my usual news websites, the almost-a-dozen publications that make up my routine. it's become an essential habit for me, the scanning of headlines and plucking out whatever interests me--an online version of the browsing i used to do, back when it was easy to lug a dozen books home from the library.

i normally read anything that gets my attention or interests me, which is a lot every day--but now, i either don't want to read people's election opinions and predictions, or i regret it when i do. everybody wants to argue about why we ended up here. who's to blame. what to do next. what's coming.

at this point, i don't feel like i'm learning anything anymore, just being painfully reminded of what i already know: america isn't the way i wish it was, or how i saw it when i was a young idealist first learning about democracy. we keep repeating the same patterns, and being surprised at the results. and publications that aim for truth give space to writers pushing hate and fearmongering, for the sake of imagined balance.

so if i stop soaking up the political podcasts, articles, and constant data that has always made me feel so informed and empowered...is that a good break for my mental health? or is it just me checking out and retreating into a bubble where i can pretend this all isn't happening? how can i tell the difference?

it's been four days, and i'm not any closer to figuring out the answer. all i know is that reading about the goings-on of the government, the little battles on subcommittees or the history of the secret service and voting...it all used to make me happy. now it feels like a thing i do, because it's a thing i do. and anything that's too closely related to the election itself, all the podcast episodes and op-eds that have come out since, those feel like salt in a wound.

so whether it's self-protective or not, i'm going to take that break. set aside my political ebooks for now, and narrow down my news websites and podcasts to the ones that aren't so politics-heavy. i'll see if the lack of them bothers me, or if i don't even miss them. maybe it will be a relief.

it'll definitely give me more time to read the old articles i have saved from years of tab hoarding--literally hundreds are in that pile, mostly because i like long stories that dive deep into things, which don't make for quick reads. i'll also have time freed up that should really be redirected to the tv shows and movies on my watchlists anyway.

who knows, maybe what i need is a little less reality and a little more indulgence in imagination. i've never been good at balance, and depriving the creative side of me never helps. the one thing i know for sure is that after i found out about the election results, reading the news made me feel worse. so i came here because i wanted to feel better.

and it worked. i did feel better. people's immediate reactions here were so much more like mine than anything i've seen or heard in the news. everyone i follow is sharing resources and cute animal videos and revolutionary quotes. this is still a hellsite, and i've been away too much to understand what's happening anymore, but tumblr is still my hellsite. you are still my people.

i've missed every one of you, and i'm sending you so much love and gratitude. hopefully we all make it through what comes next, together.

[zucchinibread777books]

Why Fish Don't Exist Book Review

Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller Review

Summary:

In this memoir/biography, Lulu Miller takes us through her obsession with David Starr Jordan and how he managed to persevere throughout so many hardships. In his story, Miller searches for the meaning of life and why she too should continue, knowing that in the grand scheme of things it’s pointless. Little did she know, it wasn’t his story that gave her that meaning, but the stories of those she met in her search. And the new knowledge that fish don’t exist.

Review:

To begin, I really think it is best to go into this story not knowing anything about David Starr Jordan. Miller very intentionally wrote this in a way where we would learn the information in the same way that she did, and knowing how his story ends will leave you questioning her intentions throughout the story and will take away from the impact a lot. So, if you haven’t read this book, don’t read this review because SPOILERS AHEAD!!

The good:

I really enjoyed this book. My first impression after finishing was just “wow, I really think everyone needs to read this”. I went into it completely blind. I read this for a book club and didn’t even read the summary before picking it up, so I honestly didn’t realize it was nonfiction at the beginning.

The way Miller writes is very engaging, especially for someone like me who doesn’t read a lot of nonfiction. She had clear goals for what she wanted to say with this book and in my opinion, she met them very well. She also clearly put a lot of thought and research into everything she mentioned, even going so far as to include illustrations primarily made with a sewing needle, which I thought was a nice nod to the story that started her interest in David Starr Jordan.

I also felt that a lot of what she put into words here were beliefs that I have lived by for a long time. Ideas of nothing mattering in the grand scheme, but they still matter to those around you. Other things like how small of a grasp humans really have on the world, and no matter how much we try to make sense of nature, there is always going to be so much we don’t know. How much we discount the intelligence of others due to our own warped sense of superiority. It was so comforting to see these feelings put so clearly on paper.

It also turned out to be a good warning about who you pick as your inspiration, because the person that you thought had it all figured out might have just been far too self-inflated.

Not all of this information was completely new to me, so I can’t say I was surprised by anything in this book, but for those who are truly unaware of the issues she discusses, I think there is a lot that could change your view of the world. I also think it may just inspire you to find interest in a subject that you may not have even known existed. I know I did.

Here are two of my favorite out-of-context quotes:

“Your mom? Absolutely. A fish.” (pg 175)

“His hurt, imagining him in some degree of anguish… it has a wonderful effect.” (178)

The bad:

When I was reading this book, there were a few things I was expecting her to delve into more. Things like how gender and race played into the topics she discussed. While she touched on them a little, she didn’t go very deep. It is clear she put a lot of research into this as a taxonomist and that gender and racial studies were not her specialty, so if you are looking for more commentary on that then this probably isn’t the book for you.

After finishing, I also decided to read some of the one-star reviews, because I was curious what could have led someone to hate the book so much when I really loved it. Many people said that she seemed to be idolizing a person who, with one quick Google search you would know, was a deeply deeply horrible person. I think this is true. Even though she does break down exactly what he did and how he ended up being the person he became, it’s still pretty clear that some part of her still obsesses over him. I will give her one benefit of the doubt, which is that the information available to us now was not so available when she first began her journey (see the linked interview). She started this research rabbit hole because of a legend passed around her school and learned the horrible things along the way. I think its very intentional that the book started out speaking so highly of him, because she was trying to take us on the same journey she went through, but she failed in making the horrors just as emphasized.

Miller also writes about some of her life experiences and choices, and at no point in the story did I think she was a particularly good role model either. She had something to say and she said it well, but she definitely made choices in her life that I am very morally against (cheating, for example), and failed to recognize the dangers of idolizing a man from a time so fraught with societal issues.

I may not agree with her on some things, and I may not have had to go through her same journey to reach the conclusions that she did, but I do think that what she had to say in this memoir was important and worth reading.

I would recommend this book highly and I definitely see myself rereading it in the future, so for those reasons I give this book

4.5 Stars

The interview: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lulu-miller-why-fish-dont-exist_n_5e90a9ccc5b6d641a6be4aef

[carriagelamp]

My internet died for about half a week this month, so I had a really peaceful few days where I had an enforced excuse to do nothing but relax and read when I got home from work. It was incredibly zen and I really sank into my books that week.

The Call of the Wild

A classic novel that I’ve always meant to read. I was sick and headachy this month and decided that this was the perfect sort of relaxing, narratively rich book to listen to. I really enjoyed it, would recommend. It follows a dog named Buck who’s snatched from his home in southern California and is shipped off to work as a sled dog in the Yukon, where a need for strong dogs to help transport goods over the snow and ice makes them very valuable. Buck has to learn how to survive in this harsh environment as everything from the weather, his fellows dogs, and his human masters seem to fight against him.

A Complicated Love Story Set In Space // How To Bite Your Neighbour and Win A Wager

Putting these two together because my experience with them was pretty similar. For both I was intrigued by the title, got them from the library on a whim, and didn’t really mesh with either. I didn’t really get far enough in either to give much of a review, they just didn’t vibe. A Complicated Love Story Set In Space set up a scenario that didn’t really interest me — not surprising, I’m picky about my scifi — and How To Bite Your Neighbour and Win A Wager just had an… odd writing style to it. It very much feels like it’s main goal is to be a kinda horny about vampires which, if that’s what you want, all the power to you, but it’s wasn't doing it for me. I had to suspend way too much disbelief for the scenario to function.

Indiana Jones and the Cup of the Vampire // Indiana Jones and the Curse of Horror Island

A pair of choose your own adventure books I found at a used book sale. I picked them up out of sheer amusement, and they were basically what I expected and paid for: cheesy 1980s adventure stories with Indiana Jones as a nominal protagonist. They were both varying degrees of improbable, ridiculous, and racist so YMMV but they were fun to play with while I was down and out on the internet front.

The Kootenay Kidnapper

Eric Wilson is a classic Canadian author who writes children’s mystery/thriller novels. I’ve never read him before and decided to remedy that. At this point I choose to withhold judgement until I read another… I’m not sure how I felt about The Kootenay Kidnapper. It had some nice descriptive language, successfully raised the tension from time to time and made me really try to piece together who the villain was, but then also had some strange dead zones as well. The whole thing read a bit like a 1990s stranger danger PSA which was also… weirdly nostalgic? But also just weird. Would try another.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation comic v3

I continue to be a MDZS simp, this is not news. 

The Radium Girls

I don’t read much nonfiction, but this book was so narrative in its writing that I seriously couldn’t put it down. Kate Moore took a historical event (the girls that were paid to paint watch dials with radium paint in the early 1900s) that had been written about in scientific and legal styles, and instead retells it with a primary focus on the girls themselves. You follow a variety of real life women over the decades and learn about the all the machinations that went into them being horrifically poisoned by radium, and how that changed the very foundation of American workplace safety. Super engaging, unspeakably appalling.

Scott Pilgrim v1/2

My brother and I started watching Scott Pilgrim Takes Off on Netflix and… wow, it is not what either of us was expecting but we are loving it. We’ve both been big Scott Pilgrim fans since the naughts. Since I haven’t reread the series in years I decided I should pick it up to help notice the differences between the original series and this new show — I have the big, coloured omnibus version, so I reread the first collection of stories which amounts to volume 1 and 2 of the original. 

Scott Pilgrim is one of those comics that if you’ve somehow never read then you really need to, it’s one of my all-time favourites. It’s a story about Scott Pilgrim, a young adult who’s awkwardly trying to figure himself out, combining a coming-of-age slice-of-life with magical realism. The mysterious girl he meets, Ramona Flowers, can travel a subspace highway through Scott’s dreams — of course, don’t they teach Canadians how to do that? Huh, maybe it’s an American thing. Scott is known to be the best fighter in the province and when he defeats an enemy they explode into a pile of coins. One of the Evil Exes has Vegan Powers, and another can summon demonic back up dancers. This story just does whatever the fuck it likes and I adore it for that.

Heaven Official's Blessing v3/4

I continue to be TGCF simp, this is not— seriously, the series continues to be excellent and I only get more and more invested in not just Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, but also in the side characters that are introduced. I was thrilled to have Shi Qingxuan become a bigger player in book 4, and really liked the whole plot with the Venerable of Empty Words and Black Water. Please, someone, help this guy…

The Wind in the Willows

Another classic I had never read that I decided to pick up. It was excellent, I can see why it’s stayed so beloved over the years. Though I love a good cute-animals-in-lil-clothes-living-cute-lil-lives story, so I was an easy sell. It was much more tame than the likes of Redwall, but had a bit more going on than the likes of Brambly Hedge — it keeps you very engaged, but never raises the stakes so high that it stops feeling light and comforting. It is essentially a collection of stories that follow Mole and Rat, a pair of friends that live together on the river, through the seasons and the various misadventures they and their friends go on.

The Woman They Could Not Silence

Since I liked The Radium Girls I decided to pick up another one of Kate Moore’s books. This one follows a woman who was intentionally committed to an insane asylum by her husband, purely because she was intelligent and outspoken, refusing to be cowed to his opinions or beliefs. This story details her time in the insane asylum, the abuses that the patients suffered, and how she came to fight the laws that allowed for such abuses to be perpetuated in the first place. A fascinating read about a historical figure I had never heard about before.

[bookstoreadbtr]

Roderick Edwards has written and published over 25 multi-genre books as paperbacks, eBooks, and audiobooks. According to his website Roderick is sometimes called the "Bansky of Books" due to his unexpected style that bypasses the cookie-cutter market-driven fare, you'll be certain to find something you will enjoy, or you will dive into a new genre with seamless crossover. He was delighted to share with us his experience as a published author.

When did you first notice your joy for writing? Ever since I could write, I’ve been writing stories in wire-bound note books and on any scrap of paper.

What inspired you to write your first book? With the advent of print-on-demand, self-publishing, becoming an author is easy. I tried and accomplished it.

What is the synopsis of your first book? A person wakes up in a strange world with no memory of how they got there. The world is full of hostile creatures. The person must figure out how to survive while also trying to figure out how they got there. https://rodericke.com/pve

What was the most challenging thing you experienced during publishing your first book? Editing and formatting are always the most difficult things for a self-published indie author. You can pay someone or you can try to do it yourself.

What advice would you give a first-time author? Think of your first book as a “throwaway” book that you are producing just to learn the process, otherwise you could be disappointed by the process and result.

What genres do you publish? What attracts you to writing in those genres? Nonfiction, historical, fiction, religious, political and more, as I am a multi-genre author. I’m attracted to knowledge and understanding.

What is your latest paperback about? Family Valor – it is a true story of WW1 & WW2 soldiers, father and son and their stories. One of them was a Congressional Medal of Honor recipient for saving people from a burning plane. The other was a paratrooper that was shot multiple times while serving in Europe. https://rodericke.com/family

What inspired you to write the book? A local man contacted me after seeing I’ve written other military biographies. He had pictures and documents to share. The stories came together and the book became a reality.

What was/were the motivation(s) to publish your first audiobook? I’m a big believer that to reach people you must go where they are, so I want my content to be consumed in all formats. Audiobooks are becoming a huge market. I wanted to stay ahead of the game.

What was the process like? Did you have a guide or did you figure it out along the way? ACX is the company Amazon uses to produce audiobooks. I have found their royalty share option with narrators makes it seamless to produce an audiobook. I read some help forums but otherwise figured it out as I went.

What author would you enjoy a conversation with? Why? J K Rowling, because she was the rare case where she was hugely successful with her first published book.

What words of wisdom would you share with someone who believes reading is boring? Don’t think of it as reading. Think of it as exploration. Don’t try to read 300+ page books or books by cookie-cutter authors. Maybe try audiobooks in the car.

Any advice for someone who is fearful of the publishing process and has yet to take the leap? Obviously, it is self-promotion but after 25 published books, I think I can say with legitimacy that reading my short book, HOW TO WRITE AND PUBLISH A BOOK TODAY will help a person move through the process in a realistic way. So many of the “How-to” books on the market promise too much and paint an unrealistic picture. https://rodericke.com/write

Where can we find you and your books on the world wide web? Any links you would like to share with your potential readers? My books are through Amazon, https://amazon.com/author/roderickedwards and are available in ebook, paperback, hardcover, and some in audiobook formats. You can see my more personalized representation on my personal site, https://rodericke.com

[agardenofbasil]

do you have any advice for beginners in fanfic writing? i want to write something, i have the scenes played out in my head like a movie i just struggle to write them down :(

Hi there! I do have some basic advice for you if you’re just getting started, though most of it is more about confidence rather than “writing.” Still, I hope it’s helpful.

1. When I first started writing fic, I had a lot of anxiety/fear on whether it would be good or not. It took a long time for me to finally realize, “Hey, this is for fun, and I’m on the journey to eventually get better.” So my first piece of advice is to sort of confront that fear if you have it. Do your best to be comfortable with making mistakes, running out of fuel/inspiration, writing scary/unconventional things, etc.

2. My thesis advisor was a big proponent of sectioning off an hour a day to write or to think about writing. She never pushed me to actually write, but rather, she encouraged me to at least spend an hour thinking about writing and my project, or at least something adjacent to that. I find this to be incredibly helpful because thinking about things can, more often than not, lead to you doing the thing (or something related to the thing) and for my case, this is true. I let myself pick a time that I’m comfortable with and stuck with that time frame. This definitely contradicts the next piece of advice below, but it helped me build a habit when it comes to writing. Building a habit of, say, adding 50-100 words to your project a day can help you stay upbeat about your project.

3. That being said, I still encourage people to write on the fly because I still practice this 70% of the time. Just like you, the movie scenes are in my head. Whenever I get one, I open the notes/Docs app and just write the basics of the movie scene (character, action, feeling, setting). Sometimes, it’ll be a line of dialogue. Sometimes it’ll be “Character needs to feel awkward.” There’s nothing wrong with writing when the feeling comes to you, and as someone who mostly writes short stories/prose and nonfiction garbage, I recommend this. However, don’t bully yourself into writing more than you want/can. If you open up the doc, write two lines, and can’t think of more, that’s okay. If you want to see this in terms of how I outlined Longing for the Shore, just let me know, and I’ll happily show you how that went from a few bullet points to more specific lines to the actual paragraph/scene!

4. I encourage people to not delete anything. I know that sounds kind of manic, but hear me out. You wrote something. That’s great. Keep it. If you hate it, open a new document or turn to a new page. Give yourself the grace and room to move on and leave things unfinished. Try your best not to operate in absolutes. Don’t look at a piece as “good or bad” as “should be posted or trashed.” Binaries are awful and they limit you. You never know when that piece you initially hated can be the basis of something totally new.

5. Finally, take inspiration in little things. There should be no shame in being inspired by your favorite shows, an actor you masturbated to, the events in your life, the things you went through. I still find myself writing about my muse’s blue dress, about what I see on a walk. For example, in the piece about Lamine and Cuba, I took inspiration on how Lamine is constantly patting his hair down. He probably doesn’t wear many beanies at all. Imagining him wearing a beanie that Cuba gave him, even when he messes with his hair often, is a “story” that bloomed from that. I’ve learned that you don’t need to have profound inspiration or even write profoundly. You can just write about simple things and find happiness in them, and that’s still writing.

6. Other things that may help: Discord has a writing sprint bot that you and friends can play. Set up a timer for 20 minutes. Write whatever you want down. Or, go old school. Have a pen pal or a writing buddy/group that you silently sit with and physically write. Make it social by having a IRL/digital writing group that meets and talks about the process of writing (very helpful for academic work.) Read stuff out loud in bathroom mirrors. Don’t let posting on Ao3/Tumblr be the end goal. The end goal is whatever you want it to be.

This is very long, but I hope this helped. Let’s talk more if you want (and let me know if you want pictures/examples of how I go from “movie scene” to “fic”)!

[straycatboogie]

2024/03/18 English

BGM: Teenage Fanclub - Hang On

It was a day off today. This morning, I went to the hospital and saw my doctor. We talked about my mental and physical condition. After that, I went to AEON but did nothing special. At the bookstore at AEON, I tried to find out the latest paperback of my favorite author Brady Mikako, but couldn't find it, therefore I had to give up.

This afternoon, after having a nap, I started writing the first piece of my novel actually. At first, I had thought the title could be "Word Salad". But after thinking for a while about that, I decided to name it "Kotonoha Salad". I don't want to write any "big" dreams about this - as you might have already known, my mind can changes really easily because of autism. All I have to do is just to keep on writing it with a certain steady attitude.

After having written the piece (and also, after having translated it into English,) I started writing the draft of the next presentation I'm going to do on the final Thursday of this month. At first, I had thought it should be about Discord itself. Why do I keep on using Discord? And what kind of things I have learned by using it? (especially, through the connection of our group "World's End Pharmacy") etc.

But, through writing it, my mind has started changing its figure (yes, as I've written above!) I started thinking about the "diversity". Especially, I started remembering the part of Brady Mikako's book "I Am Yellow, White and a Little Blue: The Real British Secondary School Days [ぼくはイエローでホワイトで、ちょっとブルー]" which has referred to diversity itself. As that nonfiction by her explains us, diversity is really "sensitive" concept to treat (therefore, on X, you can find plenty of troubles about this concept among Japanese "serious" users.)

I am NEVER a wise person. I am just a incomplete one who has always (yes, actually ALWAYS) been haunted by various [censored - but I believe you can guess this] idea. So, I have to confess you this. I keep on learning diversity through several conversations with various people.

This evening, I talked with a Chinese friend on WeChat. She taught me her life, and also embraced me. It has been really precious, wonderful moment - so I have promised her to show my new English version of that "Kotonoha Salad."

[devalchineselitblog]

Final Blog

Reflections on a Year of Reading Chinese Literature

Book title 

Wild Swans: Three Daughter of China By Jung Chang

The Rape of Nanking by Iris Chang 

First when we were introduce to this project I was told to choose 3 country that you like or have a connection with or just want to learn more about it.So for the assignment I chose china,japan, and cant remember the last one.The next Day when we had class I was told that my country would be China and I have to find book about china that you are interested in reading it has to be fiction and nonfiction.I exactly didn’t know why I went with china as my first choice but I think It's because it was close to india so I choose it and also it's good to know your neighbor history.So I got three book 2 nonfiction and 1 fiction and they were about true event that happen decade ago.When choosing thesis book I wanted to learn more about their country history rather than something else and these book are based on true event is perfect to learn more about it. I decide to read my nonfiction book first, while reading nonfiction books in there it show a lot emotions their country background history and other unique information that I didn't know before same with the second one it has similar information but on different event during that period of time But second book had major detail about the event rather than first one.And that made more thing clear for me and open up more information for reading to know about.

From Wild Swans:Three Daughter of China by Jung Chang I’ve learned from chinese Literature that Life can bring many problem doesn't matter how powerful you are or strong your are.It because In the book Chang the main character/Author Had struggle to pass thought in order to  keep her family safe and be together at all time.In that journey she lost a lot of people and home and other important things that she care about.This situation doesn't only apply to Chang it apply to her Mother,and Grandmother and even her own family member and many other family member in the world are going to this situation somehow.But at the end she only had her mother and brother and sister to be there for her.I;ve learned that you should spend much time with your family member or your loved one because one time there aren't going to be with you when you need them.

From my second nonfiction book by Iris Chnag: The Rape of Nanking I’ve learned from Chinese Literature that People dont have limit they can do anything if they were ordered to do so.Its because In the book Japanse soldiers were order to rape people in china while there was battle happening against japanese.Those people were age 8 to 70 that were raped during that time and china soldier couldnt do anything because they were turned into prisoner for japanese people.In my options soliders should know there limit on the stuff they can do what not to do.So for that reason I personally have limit on what I do and I think other people should do it as well.

When we were introduced to Independent reading I barely read book last time I can remember reading was in freshman year so I wasn't looking too much on reading.But I had to read to get my grade Up so I was kinda forced but by choice to read.While week progressed It got little by little more interesting to read and learned so much new information that I didn't know before about that country.Someday there was that I just can’t or didn't want to read because of that chapter but when story gets more interesting I was excited to read the following days.Hopefully this made my reading skill increase by little.Before we started this I hated reading book and found that very very boring and most of the time falling asleep.But this book had some magic that I just kept going and going.I’ve learned that Book has a lot of education and knowledge that you can archive from just reading.Hopefully this makes me more excited to read new book in the future.