#so i just talk about my day or watever

[taintedmegane]

me practicing jpn like

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今日は忙しいですね。 色々なイラストを描きましたから、今眠いですよ…

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ねえねぇ、川先生！ 川先生のオリキャラのハーロー・ラローアについて、彼氏できた？ そうね、まだまだだww …ところで、会陰が―

[illubean]

Can you write a scenario/headcannons where the hxh characters have a crush on Zoldyck!reader? (I think reader would have such overprotective brothers, killua and illumi lol)

HXH with a crush on Zoldyck!reader

Characters: Kurapika Kurta, Leorio Paladaknight, Chrollo Lucilfer Type: Fluff?, Headcanons, Gn!reader

why is illumi the only one with eyebrows and a mouth in this photo

Warnings: none

Kurapika Kurta

out of his two older friends Killua thinks Kurapika is the better option

but he still doesn't like the idea of you dating anyone

like his dear older sibling is giving their attention to someone other than him? unacceptable!

Kurapika is a lot more reserved with his feelings than Leorio, leaving not much room for Killua to meddle

so the younger boy just watches from afar

he gives the blonde glares and intense side eyes, and when he feels he's getting too close he won't hesitate to swoop in and steal you away

Kurapika is pretty smart so he's probably found a few ways to get around your brother

after a while of you two talking without Killua's knowledge you eventually get together

one day he caught you two holding hands under a table at the diner or sitting at a bench

he actually screams

with erratic gestures to your guys' hands he's like "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN"

the boy is slack jawed

he thought he did such a good job keeping you separated

"watever just...don't hurt them or anything!"

Leorio Paladaknight

Killua's first reaction to learning this information is "No way, you're too old for my sibling!"

Killua babes he's only like 19

Leorio is by no means subtle with the way he feels about you even if he thinks he is

Killua makes it his life mission to keep you separated 💀

The group is splitting up and Leorio volunteers to go with you? So does Killua. He wants to sit next to you on the train? Aw too bad, your little brother is already sitting there

but if by some miracle you get away from your brother he doesn't waste a single moment in asking you out

after learning that his attempts to keep you separated failed, Killua gets a little pouty

"Seriously? You chose THIS guy!?" "What the hell is that supposed to mean you little shit!"

knowing you guys got together doesn't stop the boy from trying to get in the middle of things though

he's a pro at this point

he will find a way to crash literally any date you plan on going on soo you guys gotta be secretive about it

you probably had to come up with code words in order to plan dates 💀💀💀

Chrollo Lucilfer

the only way I see this working is if you were already part of the troupe so lets go with that

out of literally anyone on the planet he just HAD to have a crush on a Zoldyck

to say your family wasn't pleased would be an understatement

especially Illumi

the Zoldycks typically don't do -ships...like friendSHIPS or relationSHIPS so Chrollo pining for you is definitely an issue

and when two of your brothers end up joining the troupe after you

let's just say Chrollo isn't having the best time.

Kalluto is a lot less aggressive or opinionated on the matter than his eldest brother, but he still isn't fond of the idea of you ending up with the leader of the phantom troupe

he finds ways to draw your attention away from Chrollo

whereas Illumi isn't so passive

if he catches the head of the spiders so much as glancing at you he's going to stand in his line of vision with a stern "Stay away from my sibling."

and just to keep things easy on himself Chrollo heeds these warnings

well..until he's able to catch you alone

you guys are gonna have to date on the dl and be SERIOUSLY sneaky

dating while coming from a family of assassins is not an easy feat

In conlusion alongside being professional assassins, the Zoldyck boys are also professional cockblockers

[daftpatience]

heurhgh. thinkin abt the prince and the sea witch AU because i am an ocean boy and and and theres so much to thinkabout with this one!!!! i love aus that tap into classic fairytales becasue theres so much to work with!!! connections to make and parallels to draw

context and thoughts under tha cut cus this au sorta escaped me at first and there's very little stuff about it in english

the original au came from a leaflet that was bundled with volume 8 on toranoana:

rough translation explains that mermaid princess hinaichi rescued prince ronaldo, and sea witch draluc offers to give her legs to meet him again (and if he doesn't like her she'll turn into seafoam) which she declines. (literally what she says is "no need!" and the big words to the side of her say "no regrets" which is hilarious.) thats the end of the story and ronaldo is left alone. also, john is a sea turtle that lives in a clam.

im lifting my own headcanons and such from the original little mermaid story (not so much the didney one) where the prince doesn't see the mermaid and instead falls in love with this woman who comes to help him from a nearby temple (who he doesn't realize is actually the princess he's betrothed to later.) in this au that's draluc who was observing from a distance. (i just drew a half sunken agora and im calling that a temple. watever. its refd from one of the old arts and i think its pretty)

i like the idea that ronaldo exaggerates his own memory of spotting draluc that day due to the distance making details difficult paired with the fact that he was probably a little delirious. the idea that he doesn't immediately put together that draluc is the person he saw is kinda fun 2 me, and of course he'd make up some beautiful girl in his head. of course he would.

im messing with some ideas about draluc deciding to meddle with ronaldo instead - does he offer to turn him into a merman to look for his made up maiden? or does draluc come to land for his own reasons? maybe they visit each other at the temple every day and bring each other little things and talk and stuff. itd be cute if they butted heads but still went to see each other every day anyways.

a popular thing in the au is draluc being captured - maybe ronaldo, desparate to find his love and only knowing she was some sort of fish, does something stupid like setting up nets and traps. hahah. maybe he catches draluc and takes him to his castle to learn about merfolk and such. iunno. whatever the case i hope they fall in love in the process and also bicker a lot like their usual schtick

ive got a little sad idea that borrows from some 30 years later au stuff where draluc is worried about ronaldo's lifespan (this is also in the orig little mermaid where mermaids live longer than humans by hundreds of years) but also can't turn human to match ronaldo because it's too painful for him to walk on legs (since one of the au rules is that he must always be weak and the orig little mermaid made it clear that legs hurted real bad)

also also i very big headcanon draluc the sea witch has a sunken castle that looks a lot like ponyo's dad's house on the inside. fulla potions and stuff. wouldnt that be cute! maybe hes got an interest in human life/a collection of old things kinda like didney little mermaid - since canon draluc is so well adjusted to modern human stuff like games and livestreams and whatnot. in this au i think he'd be a lot more stubborn and reluctant to admit it, though, cus i also like the idea that his grandpa went the route of loving a human and going to land and maybe he doesn't want to end up like that? but it might be fate just cus draluc and ronaldo parallel D and helsing so well.

also i still want hinaichi to be in it but her rejection of the plot is so funny and good, i don't want to shove her in without thinking of a good way for it to make sense. she's good friends with draluc and likes his cooking...can you cook underwater??? maybe magically?? maybe draluc takes up cooking on land and brings hinaichi things he makes??? maybe then she gets interested in humans and wants to come to land to try all the cooking theyve got. iunno.

i usually keep this sort of note taking and doodling to myself but this fandom needs all the stimulation it can get. hiii hellooo :]

[phoenixstark1708]

the daughter of an archangel pt.4

The man came in once she left, and set down a bunch of books, and a strange electronic thing that folded. “hello phoenix, my name is mark. Im just going to ask you some questions to figure out where you’re at academically.” oh! I know what academics are! That is my favorite thing! My face visibly lit up at the prospect. The man began with painfully simple math equations “134+23” and “33x11” they progressively got harder, and I continuously got them gorrect. The man seemed astonished I knew all that I knew all this stuff. Trigonometry is where I got confused. He noted that on his clipboard. Then came science, which I was again, above average. Then history, I didn’t know much, because the stuff I was taught was purely propaganda. Then came literature, which I was average in. And finally, foreign languages. The man was obviously shocked when he realized I was fluent in 53 languages.

I later met with a psychiatrist, and spoke for nearly four hours. I explained my childhood, and past, and she listened intently, asking some questions, and recording the conversation. I had several preliminary diagnoses, but she wanted to meet in a few weeks to see where I was at. By the end of the day, I was tired, but I stayed awake because I knew I would be punished if I fell asleep. I sat on the edge of the bed until tony came in “hey phoenix, how’re you doiung? Pepper told me how well you did today. Im going to get you some tutors so you can get an education. Is that okay?” I nodded “great. Then, there was something else we needed to talk about.” I looked up at him “you are not a prisoner here. You can explore as you please, you can eat whatever you feel like, and do watever you need to. You don’t need to ask. For an example, if you wanted to shower, you can. If you wanted to sleep, you can. Eat? Of course. Drink? Yes ma’am.” I was looking at him quizically, confused as to why I was allowed to do these rhings. I was definitely not complaining. “but, I think it would be best for you to stay here, in the house. Of course you can go outside if you want, but stay close. Its not safe for you out there yet.” he finished. “take care kiddo.” he ruffled my hair and walked out of the room. I laid down on the bed and slept.

After a months of living with tony, I finally began to gain weight, I was finally gaining confidence, my face began to fill with color, and my academics took off. I was getting more confident, and happy. Actually happy. For the first time in my life. I still had times when I felt terrible for leaving bucky; How could I not? He saved me. I was having frequent flashbacks. After meeting with the psychiatrist again, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I refused the medications they offered, vividly remembering the various drugs hydra expiramented on me with.

Everything was going good, until one day, a black man came with an eyepatch. Tony explained he was here to help, and he called him because of me expressing my desire to help the world after all the damage I'd done. We sat at the patio table, tony giving us privacy. “so, I hear your name is pheonix stark?” he sort of questioned “yes sir, that’s me” “good. But I know that you don’t have any official family- yet. I wanted to talk about tony adopting you. He has already agreed, but has made it expressly clear that its off if you don’t want him to. This way, you can become an official citizen of the united states, and you can go to a real school. How does this sound, phoenix?” I waited a moment “good. It sounds good, but tony said that you were here to talk about me helping the world?” he chuckled “straight to the point. I like that. Yes, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. Im the head of an organisation called SHEILD. I know you are relatively familiar with us?” my eyes widened in fear when he mentioned SHEILD. “y-yes. You know me, what ive done. Why would you want me there?” I asked in a small voice “we want you because you would be an excellent addition to our organization. HYDRA controlled you, we all know you didn’t have a choice. We want to help you learn to control your powers, and how to fight. We want to train you to be excellent. And make no mistake, you are not forced to, you will not be harmed by us, and you don’t have to do any of this if you don’t want-” I cut him off in excitement “i’ll do it” I was beaming with joy not showing in my voice. “we will also send you on some missions when you’re ready. Nothing like what you did at HYDRA, you would be saving people, not hurting them.” I nodded “this may seem like a lot, phoenix, but I think this would be a good thing for you.” “i want to do it. All of it. I want to be adopted by tony, and I want to join SHEILD. This will be my opportunity to make amends for the things ive done. Thank you.” just then, tony come out of the door. I ran to hug him – an astronomical improvement from when I arrived; afraid to even talk. “thank you.” I murmured “thank you kid. Phoenix Stark has nice ring to it, huh?” I nodded, beaming with excitement.

After that day, we signed a LOT of paperwork for the adoption. I found it hilarious that we had to sign hundreds of papers, quite a change from what I was used to. and I became an official U.S. citizen! I had never felt so much like a person, rather then a machine. I struggled with terrible nightmares of the punishments I endured, and the missions I partook in. I couldn’t stop thinking about the sacrifice bucky made for me. I hated HYDRA for it, well I hated them for a lot of things, but especially that.

i saw you like the other 3 parts, so tagging you in this one :)

@breadhead19

[cattyanon]

So this AU idea came to me 1 night ago and I spent a full day on this drawing I did cause I just had to get it out of my system if I'm to focus on writing The Horrors some more. So I present to you...

True Gaia Sonic!

Design notes not mentioned above:

-I took inspiration from those designs where one half is an angel and the other half is a demon.

-I'll get to the colors eventually but the only important thing to note rn is that the Light Gaia half is a very light blue while the Dark Gaia half is a dark blue. The arms are specifically the werehog blue while the rest is slightly lighter. Plus the orb on his chest is half green and half purple.

-The Dark Gaia half is purposefully more complex (to my own annoyance) and messier looking compared to the Light Gaia half.

-While the small chart I made depicts the middle quills, I think I should also mention it the difference between the bottom ones too. That being that Light Gaia half is more downward and relaxed looking while the Dark Gaia half is higher and more defensive looking.

-He can bulk up the werehog looking arm and stretch it.

-I was actually struggling with the shoe design until I made a happy accident with the right shoe with a small line.

-The tail is a combination of Chip's tail and a serpentine tail. You can't honestly tell me that Dark Gaia's body type doesnt scream serpent...

-Speaking of the tail, the stinger's effect is similar to paralyzation but not quite. It does that effect in game where the humans get all super hopeless during night. Like the icecream guy for example.

-Using a height comparison website, with the average human adult height being around 175cm according to Google, I'd say he's around 240cm. Not huge but substantially taller than a human.

Summary for the beginning of the story under the cut!

So there's this cult that collects a combination of Light and Dark Gaia energy so they can create the perfect god. A balance of both light and dark.

The True Gaia.

But they can't just make a god out of energy alone. They need a vessel, someone capable of wielding both Gaia energies.

Someone like Sonic the Hedgehog.

They know a good portion of Sonic's exploits as the Werehog, a being capable of utilizing the darkness of a god. And then there's all the times Sonic has saved the world. A true emissary of Light.

The perfect vessel for their god.

Lots of planning and preparation go into their scheme of kidnapping Sonic to use him as a vessel. Swifly and efficiently, they store Sonic in a previously setup test tube designed to infuse him with the energies of both Light and Dark Gaia. The process takes awhile as one does not simply infuse such powerful energies all at once. As strong as Sonic is, there is no room for such risks.

But before they can fully realize their goal, they're raided by the Police (since GUN had no reason to suspect this was anything but your average sacrifical cult) with the assistance of Team Chaotix in tracking them down.

Then they find Sonic what they can only presume is True Gaia in a test tube. And like. Knowing the kind of crazy stuff that happens in their world they decide that watever this might be, they did not sign up for this shit. So they talk with the Chaotix again in hope of contacting some heroes, aka at least someone more suitable, aka not GUN cuz they'll probably just make it worse and the world doesn't need another damn crisis on it's hands, to deal with this.

That's how Tails and Knuckles (for backup in case something goes wrong) wind up finding Sonic encountering True Gaia . Yet theres multiple things about this entity that signal a bunch of alarm bells for Tails that this might be his missing brother. The way they're blue, the much slimmer yet undeniably werehog looking arm, and most tellingly the shoe design.

Tails eventually manages to drain the tube and release him from the stuff he's hooked up to. It let's him fall to the floor gently and opens the tube. Now on his knees, Sonic slowly opens his eyes and then looks up at Tails. Hesitantly, Tails calls out Sonic's name.

There's a pretty noticeable echo in Sonic's voice as he responds to Tails with something like "Sonic...? Although that is familiar, we are the True Gaia. That being said, we must thank you for freeing us." And he studies Tails for a few seconds before going "Hmm... You seem very familiar as well. You called us Sonic earlier. Admittedly, the name feels more... natural than True Gaia, though I do not why. Maybe... Do we know you?"

And Tails, just wanting his missing big brother back, takes this as confirmation it's him and is like "Yes, it's me! Tails!" while Sonic True Gaia is there feeling strangely protective of this child he just met.

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

Sara encounter with god part 3

Sara: *wakes up in her bed alone* god? *smells the air smelling food* hmmm? *walks downstairs shocked at wat she saw*

God: morning sara i made some breakfast didn't know wat u liked so i made every breakfast food there some on the table

Sara: huh *looks at the tables* oh babe u didn't have to?

God: i know but i did sara and im not ready to be called that yet

Sara: too bad I'm calling u my babe because ur mine now

God: that's wat u think cutie

Sara: first im not cute im hot and so r u *tackles god* now fuck me u holy cock tease

God: uh no not now we eat but I'll think about it deal?

Sara: I'll fuck u somehow babe but i am hungry *gets off of him walking the table*

God: *sits up sitting down at the table* ur one crazy mare cutie

Sara: and ur one handsome stallion my lord *starts eating*

God: *starts eating sipping his blood coffee* how's the food my sweet

Sara: good but i rather have something else to "munch" on heheh

God: *blushes eating* u really wanna fuck do u?

Sara: yes i already know how it's gonna work if u don't fuck me I'll make u fuck me

God: hmmm i wonder how this will play out im curious

Sara: ? So ur not gonna fuck me?

God: maybe it depends

Sara: plz my holy lord fuck me I'll do anything just

God: sorry sara but not now just eat ur food

Sara: *starts eating* just u wait ur holiness u'll fuck me by the end of this day i know it

God: *mumbles* that wat im afraid of *keeps eating*

Sara: but i do have plans for us today my love

God: huh? Wat plans r u talking about?

Sara: u'll find out soon my holy lover

God: i have a bad feeling about this....

Sara: it'll be a good feeling for both of us u'll finally feel my insides with ur holy cock

God: yeah bad feeling....

Sara: *finishes eating jumping on god lap* fuck me ur holiness *kissss god deeply forcing her tongue down in his mouth*

God: *pushes her off* damn sara tongue on the first day??

Sara: u mean date my sweet lover *tackles god to the ground kissing him* mmmm ur lips feel so warm babe *kisses god face multiple time*

God: *blushes deep red trying to get free* damnit all

Sara: also happy valentines day babe *kisses do gods chest*

God: plz don't do this sara it's very bad

Sara: i know hehehe now let me see that holy cock of urs

God: *teleports to the kitchen* oh damn......

Sara: get back here u cock tease

God: oh fuck *runs upstairs to her room hiding* i think i fucked myself........

Sara: *dragging some chain opening her closet door* hi babe how r u doing?

God: oh god...... *panics*

Sara: *jumps on her bed* get over here *wraps one chain around god neck pulling him to her*

God: u suck sara

Sara: there will be some sucking involved babe don't u worry about that *flops on her bed spreading her leg* now start sucking babe

God: *pulls on the chains* ur gonna have to make me babe *smirks giggling*

Sara: i don't mind making the holy lord suck on my pussy *pulls on the chains making god eat her out*

God: *continues sucking on sara clit spreading her pussy lips licking deeper*

Sara: ahh b-babe *moans louder wrapping her legs around god head making him go deeper into her pussy as she climaxes onto god face*

God: *licks up the cum on sara pussy*

Sara: kiss me u filthy animal

God: *kisses sara deeply* happy valentine's day babe sorry i been not hard to get

Sara: don't be i love a challenge fuck me plz my lord *kisses god again looking at him* plz?

God: *smirks* no

Sara: fine I'll fuck u then *they rolled off her bed sara was on top grind her pussy against god cock*

God: *uses his magic to spank sara flank*

Sara: no fair u have magic

God: seem fair *uses his magic to rub sara clit*

Sara: ahh *thrusts god cock in her pussy taking it half way while cumming moaning loudly* u-u as-sho-ole

God: still seem fair

Sara: *thrusts up and down* u-ur cock i-isn't mmm all that mmmm g-good

God: watever u say babe *spanks her flank harder*

Sara: ahhh *thrusts more faster hope he cums soon* b-babe?

God: don't worry babe *pulls out cumming* t-the-ere mmmm

To be continued

Tag for @saraali-19

[gayspock]

andthe randos

like pure pathetic embarrassment . again . its so, so fucking funny. i donthtink ever fully-fully bought it. but tantalised maybe . like oh you're 16, dude! theres plenty of time to stilljust ... find something. find fucking anythighnj

you're 24:D YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME! YOUR LIFE ISNT OVER! isnt it? isnt it?its like people jsutodnt fucking listen to you. ever. they just dont fucking care. no i FUCKING mean that i really fucking do. i want to bash their fucking heads in and i dont fucking give a shit because since when are they gonna give a shiut and its just a nasty little thought in my head and yep im acunt but what does it matter why een care any more when its just so inconsequential everything you do everyhting you are is so fucking inconsequential and you know you know damn well when you die rotten and bitterit'll be your fault cuz you were alwyaslike that hwne it doesnt matte.r it doenst matter yhat it doesnt startlike that but i jsut cant cope i cant fucking cope i cant fucking cope and i cant fucking do it and i cant ufkcing handle it i fucking wish i was dead i fucking wish i was dead and itsalwyas just childishness its alwyas jsut stupid fucking me exceptits not even tha t who fucking cares who fucking cartes any more i jsut i dont know i dont know I DONT KNOW

youre 24 i keepthinking i jsut keep hrutng for it i feel so so fucking sad every day because i just id ont have anyone and theres no way to try and meet anyone andeven if i did itslawyasjust the same its always just the same i dontknow whatswrong with me i dont know what all i know is it gets infintiely harderevery day and it was alread y so fucking impossib le even as a kid when yorue there andyouresurrounded by people and thereschances and room to meertpoeple every single time everywhere you go i jsut . its jsut ever anyhting its jsut never anyhting i jsut . cant . make it matter i jsut . iknow oh my god its youir fault for hinking liek that ITS . WHEN I DIDNT AT THE TIME IT DOESNT MATTER WHEN I DO IT DOENST MATTER WATEVER IT IS!!! IT DOENS TMATTER i jsut cant . manage and ow what what what nobody my age i cant im so exha\usted im so consumed by fuckingjsut getitng by i cant fucking even manage that go out and meet someone who fucking where fucking what everyones busy we're adults everyoens busybut with the people they alreayd have and lvoe and when yorue a kid itsjust wait wait you'll get hete eventually if yourejust yourself wow theres8 billion people in the world! someones going to like 2you! do nothing wrong be yoruself it'llbeifne it nebvetr./ then it goes on and on and i jsut cnat do it . any mrowe i cant fuc iking do it hold on for fucking WHAT. FOR FUCKING WHAT!!!! ^_^ i dont FUCKING want to hold on its not fucking WORTH IT TO ME because FOR DUCKING WHAT ITS EITHER 99% CHANCE MORE OF THIS AND WHAT THE SMALL FUCKING SLITHER OF FUCDKING ANYTHING EVER FUCKING MIRACULOUSLY

HAPPENIGNTO ME- IM SORRY BUT I CANT FUCKING DO IT. I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT! EVERY FUCKING NIGHT I FUCKING SIT THERE AND FUCKING FANTASISE ABOUT IT AND ITS LIEK teehee is it niceies no its vivid fdetail its all in my head i cant gwet out of tit thweres nohere to go everything its jsut fucking turn this way go this way go that way you didnt fuckijng DO IT HARD ENOUGH YOU DIDNT DO IT RIGHT ENOUGH GO BACK TO THE THERAPY THATR DOESNT EXIST GO BACK TO THIS GO REACH OUT! TALK TO PEOLPLE! TALK TO WHO TALK TO WHAT COME TO WHAT FUCKING COCNLSUIOON NONEEEE OF IT MEANS ANYHTING I JSUT . I JSUT WISH IT DID SO WHAT SO WHAT IFI KEEP WISHING AND BEGGING ITNEVER MATTERS IT NEVERRR MATTERSSS AND WHAT I HAVE TO GO TOW ORK TOMORROW DO IT ALL WORK MY 10HOURS OF FUCKING BULLSHIT RECOGNISE ITODESNT UDCKING MATTER BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THERES OSMETHING JUST FUCKING UNLIKEABLE ABTOU ME THAT I CANTUCKING MANAGE TO EVER SCRUB OUT AN D IT DOESNT MATTER HOW HARD I TRY WHAT I PUT INTO IT.I I SJUT. i dont know i dont fucking know any more

i cant do it i cant physcially do it do people understand do people know od people fucking carei mean it when i sayfuckjing loneliness the fucking days weeks dont see another peorson except people in the fucking grocery store and when you do meet otherpeople they dont care about you and tisbeen years itsbeen fucking years and years and eventhen it wajsust horrtible ducking flaoting around trying too hard i jsut . i cant ufkcing do it like oh my god just pullyourselfup but forw hat sorry im fucking honest here i cant fucking do it i mean it just rejection rejection reection youre never fucking. it . youre never fucking it for anybody never enough to matterpeoplesay oh we like youbut its sitllkjsut. its jsut a fucking pity . its always the pity. and its always the wordsand ntohing else and then a walk away and wellyou should fucking try nre . what does it matter what am it riyng to fucking prove at the end of the day i jsut i feel like theres a spite to it like i jsut. id ontknow i want to reclaim some of it back claw some of it back thesepople dont fucking care but i seriously want to fucking film myself slitting my wrists open and fucking forward ito every patronising bastard that dismissed me to soothe their own fucking bulslhit no i dont want them to fucking care or their pity i dont fucking want it i want you to just. afford me the single fucking privilege of ADMITTING I WAS RIGHT TO BE UPSET. JSUT FIUCKING RIGHT. THATS IT . JUST . FUCKING UNDERSTANDING THAT NO THERESNOT A FUCKING POINT. YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT. HI EVERBYDY. HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ARGGGH WHO CARE SORRYYYYY LIKE WHO IS READING THIS. AMEN. LIKE ARE YOU INSANE I CAN DO WHATEVER IN HERE. YOU KNOW i d

do whatever in here like my desperate little attempts to feel real like what difference idont fucking write it all in here ithink thats my one fear osmeitmes osmeone is acrtually fucking reading this and it drives me insanecuz in myhead oh yuoure making a fucking poicture of meget rid of it im still self censoring to helland bloody backand what. i write it in notebooks ive written it all down on walsl over and over what write it in private write it continuously in emails to yourself theres no one else to fuckngtalk to no one else to care post it to your tumblr blog pretendLETS ALL PLAY PRETENDGORGEOUS. BEAUTIFUL. SMILE. HOLD MY HANDDDDDDDDDDDD BECAUSE NO ONEEEEE IS EVERRRR GOING TO REMEMBER YOURE ALIVE NO ONE IS GOING TO EVERRRR REMEMBER YOU WHEN YOU WERE GONE AND THIS WHAT IS THIS BUT THE FUCKIN G DESPERATE FUCKING ATTEMPTS LIKE OH MY GODPLEASE I DIDNT TAKE SO LONG TO END IT AND . and what. what is this this it this is everything i am right and its ust crazy fucking cringe . it really fucking is . who cares. i think abotu i like oh my god if someone was reaidng it still itsjust the quiet fucking . thought of judgement the walk away iknowin reality what ami beeven in all oft his but a passing fucking throaway and . idont know . id nt know im goign ntus . i think i didnt try hard enough, though, right. im goingt o the doctors again thursdaymorning im fucking considering pivoting and asking them to try ad ufcking end me

[sayitalianolearns]

Diary entry 566

새로운 날, 새로운 영상, 새로운 답 연습 ㅋㅋㅋ

떡볶이 좋아해? 떡볶이 아직 못 먹어서 모르겠어.

커피랑 아이스크림 중에 어떤 거 먹을래? 지금 커피를 먹을래.

지금 뭐 해? 지금 너에게 대답하고 있어 ㅋㅋ 그리고 내 일기 쓰고 있어.

우리 언제 만날까? 내일 만나자, 그래?

내일 몇 시에 만날까? 넷시에 만나자.

늦어서 미안해. 오래 기다렸어? 아니, 오래 안 기다렸어.

오늘 뭐 하고 싶어? 숲에 산책하고 싶어.

오늘 날씨 어때? 어제처럼, 흐리고 비 올 거 같아.

이 모자 어때? 멋있어! 너한테 잘 어울려.

어떤 가수를 가장 좋아해? BTS를 가장 좋아해!

그 가수를 왜 좋아해? 노래를 잘 하고 춤을 잘 해서.

지난주 주말에 뭐 했어? 우리 엄마의 생일 축하했고 집에 쉬었어.

이번 여름 휴가때 뭐 할 거야? 아무것도 안했어 ㅋㅋ 오케이 사실 한국어 공부했고 운동했고 산책했고 조금 일광욕을 했어.

한국어 얼마동안 공부했어? 이제 한국어 1년 6개월 동안 매일 공부했어.

한국어 왜 공부해? kpop 노래를 이해하고 한국에 가러.

thoughts

i think that for a while i had a wrong idea of friendship. and also because of that i had "wrong" friendships (but ofc everything is right, even when it hurts you or doesn't feel entirely so: it's meant to help you learn something more about yourself, your needs and wants).

so i am wondering, what is your definition of a friend? what should they do, how should they be? and do you have such friends around you? (if not, i hope you do have some amazing friend/s around you soon ik i'm talking alone but whatevs)

in the pic my breakky: ricotta cheese, peach, hazelnuts and honey.

card of the day

daring- take the risk of thinking the opposite way about watever is scarying or worrying you. what if it's gonna be good? what if it's gonna work out? what if they actualy care about you? what if they really see you and accept you for who you truly are? you went a long way, don't let fears and insecurity block you just now. remember your worth and go on.

song of the day

let's practice some french like the good old times

[daenerystargaryensgirlfriend]

THANK YOU, SERIOUSLY. I'm tired of people saying that "they ruined dany's character in the later seasons", they started ruining her character from THE BEGINNING. they made her a thin shadow of what she actually is.

the worst part is that you can make this sort of discourse about SO MANY characters. like arya and the way they made her think that "most girl are idiots" and making her a cold-blooded killer while in the books she suffers from being different from the ladylike idea (even because of people that keep and keep comparing her to her sister (even her sister didn't help)) AND YET she DOESN'T think that mOsT gIrLs ArE iDiOtS. and also she's not a robot and she feels EMOTIONS because she is a CHILD (much like dany at the beginning, which is a thing i would like to remember to everyone because asoiaf "fans" all apparently want them (because this rule doesn't apply to their sigma-male fav character because X makes a mistake? NOO😡! U'RE A BETA!😡 HE'S PERFECT😡) to be fucking perfect because apparently according to them people just CAN'T learn from their mistakes) and she doesn't like violence and killing.

also brienne??? and her attitude towards womanhood??? calling jaime a woman??? as an INSULT??? like when? how? why? BRIENNE would NEVER. also generally the whole brienne/jaime dynamic was changed and less y'know LESS then in the books and won't sit by it, one day i will talk about it because there's no way there's people out there not KNOWING THEM TRULY like ARSHAKJSS.

even asha (yara) who's a boss in the books and takes no shit from anyone? asha you ask? she's a fighter, she's intelligent but most importantly she's yet another character that's been completely watered down by Dumb&Dumber, going from... well... Asha Greyjoy to a pale imitation/parody (because that's what it is) of her named Yara. Let's be honest now, Yara is pretty useless in the show, running away to meereen at the first hint of trouble to make heart eyes to dany (because apparently she's also queer for no reason OR perhaps the reason is connected to the fact that pre-modern societies viewed sex more like a social and political roles and thus power? but this applies more to book cersei in my opinion and still this is mainly connected to the Romans or the ancient Greeks and Martin takes elements mostly from Medieval period right? honestly i don't know). not to mention many of the things that Dumb&Dumber make her say and do: raping a volantis' slave, leaving theon in bolton dungeons, calling theon useless, bringing him (a PTSD victim that has been tortured and molested by ramsay) to a BROTHEL)

you can make this even with sansa which is INSANE in my opinion because she's the closer that they could get to the "innocent girl" that Dumb&Dumber seem to like so much. except that APPARENTLY it's not a sweet/innocent girl thay they want but it's a STUPID one they can play with. they're ALLERGIC (very badly) to any sort of STRENGHT or INTELLICENCE coming solely from a woman. turning book sansa (who is a flawed character in my opinion BUT still able to get appreciated) into a weak, passive, shallow girl and a "slow learner" WHEN IT'S JUST NOT LIKE THAT.

it's even crazier when you think that they did this to these characters (turning them to their show counterpart) WHILE they made people like robb (which i have nothing against with, it's just objective that he's not the mastermind that Dumb&Dumber wrote. also the scene where jon says "he was stronger than me, better than me" i was laughing because it was totally the other way around in the books but watever) or TYWIN some kind of mastermind geniuses and war masters.

(Going back to dany because i completely changed the topic lol) it is INSANE to me that they tried to pull the "anyone is better then her" card on DAENERYS of all people, while also ERASING not just bits but almost ENTIRELY her personality and her spirit from the books <- wait no they didn't erase it sorry, they STOLE IT FROM HER TO GIVE IT TO THE MEN AROUND HER. who used their knowledge in dothraki culture to embarrass viserys? DANY, not the man that did it in the show. who gives her strenght during her tough times in the desert? DANY, not jorah, who is btw harassing her and making her uneasy. SHE gives HERSELF strenght because she needs to be strong for them. who suggests that she souldn't buy slaves but instead have people following her because they believe in her? DANY and not barristan (who btw is like the best man she has around her). who suggest that she should let slavery continue for seven years? NO ONE, BECAUSE IT'S A DUMB ASS IDEA AND EVEN IF SOMEONE HAD SUGGESTED THAT DANY WOULDN'T CERTAINLY BE LIKE "oh that's such a good idea". who talks about merciful strategies? DANY because she DOESN'T WANT to turn cities into dirt, she wants to rule upon happy people in PEACE. now the thing is that NEITHER TYRION "I WANT TO SEE KL BURN" WOULD'VE SUGGESTED THAT like WHAT THE FUCK AARDSJ

The signs were there…

The signs were there all along… that the fucking hacks were ruining this beautiful, amazing, complex character long before the shit season. I know those dumb as shit incompetent hacks and some of the cast of GoT (do they actually believe that shit or were they toeing the line?) in their condescending manner told us that the “signs” were there all along about Dany “going mad”. They are right but not for the reasons they think they are. The signs were there… that D&D were ruining Dany’s character long before that putrid shitshow that was Season 8. When you reread the books and remember or rewatch the show, you can see. As early as S1, they were giving many of Dany’s strong or intelligent or kind and merciful moments to the males around her. It was her who took Viserys’s horse away from him to show how she has grown stronger and is no longer as afraid of him as she once was. In the show they gave it to Rhakaro. In S2 they had Jorah tell Dany she must be her people’s strength and then Dany told Jorah “as you are mine”. Contrast that where in the books Dany told herself she must be her people’s strength, including Jorah. And they gave Dany’s meeting with Quaithe to freaking Jorah! There is the fact that the hacks couldn’t have women talking for two minutes without insulting each other (directly or subtly). And then they gave her intelligent strategies to her male advisers in S3 and 4. And of course had her rely on the incompetence dumbass Show Tyrion for strategy completely in S7, ignoring the advice of her allies (who were all females). And to make her look worse, they had Barristan tell her “it’s better to answer injustice with mercy” when she had those masters crucified for what they did to the children (and of course add “nice and innocent slavers”). No surprise to find out that they omitted that Dany specifically ordered them to give up their leaders aka the ones who obviously ordered it, in the books. And how Dany is told by her advisers to be more violent and ruthless, instead of them “tempering her worst impulses” (I fucking hate that sexist fucking line). Dany is the one who wants to be as merciful and nonviolent as possible. A little off topic, I think Dany needs to become more ruthless. I think GRRM was trying to show that while it shows Dany’s good heart that she tried to be compromising, you cannot compromise with slavers. If she wants to utterly destroy slavery she will need to be more ruthless and that is not a bad thing at all.

Anyway, besides giving most of Dany’s best moments to the males around her, the fucking hacks were changing things when they still followed the books (for a given definition of “follow”) as well as adding ridiculous crap. It’s most blatant in her S2 storyline. The Thirteen immediately invite Dany into Qarth because they sought her out. But the hacks had Dany be condescendingly talked to by the show only Spice King and refused entry. So they could have her shout “We will lay waste to armies and burn cities to the ground”. I know a lot of dumb idiots will use that line as “proof” but it was a stupid addition by the two hacks so they could make Dany look bad. And then they had Dany’s Dothraki people slaughtered. They had Irri murdered. They took away Dany’s female companionship (until Missandei). And speaking of Irri, who killed her? Doreah! Yeah! They had Doreah out of literally nowhere with zero explanation or reason betray Dany and murder Irri (like I said, Dumb&Dumber can’t stand female friendships. They think women are only good for insulting and killing each other). Looks like the later seasons weren’t the start of them inventing stupid plot points out of nowhere. And I guess they wanted to make Dany look cruel for locking Doreah and Xaro in the vault. Know what she does to them in the books? Nothing. Well not exactly nothing. Doreah dies in the Red Waste and Dany holds her and gives her water from her own waterskin and refuses to move until Doreah has passed. And Xaro is still alive in the books. Because Xaro and Pree never stole her dragons in the books (another stupid show invention). And then later, as I previously mentioned, they invented “innocent slave masters” that Dany crucified like Hizdahr’s daddy. Nothing like that is brought up in the books. Oh, and they decided to kill off Ser Barristan in S5! Even though Barristan is alive and well and gladly serving Dany in the books and knowing she’s nothing like her father. Which the actor pointed out. And it only made those scumbags want to do it even more. And then after his (very stupid) death, Dany burns a slave master. And that stupid awful behind the scenes book after the shit season, Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon has that moron Cogman bring that up about how Dany didn’t care if he was innocent or not (they really had a thing about “innocent slave masters”). None of that crap ever happens in the books.

They also changed small but important parts. Never let Dany have a crown like I mentioned. They also had Dany sit on top of the stairs in Mereen, when she insists on sitting at the bottom on a simple bench because she wants to be on an equal level with her people. Heck an illustrator had to be corrected by GRRM when she was showing that (does anyone have a picture or article about that?). They also never really showed her bond with her other dragons. In the books she loves and pays attention to all of them, in particular Viserion who always wants to be petted by her. In the show, she only really pays attention to Drogon mostly. Rhaegal and Viserion were reduced to “the two smaller different colored dragons” (to be stupidly killed off later on in stupid asinine ways). And Dany’s relationship with Daario is changed. Daario is made to be the one in love and Dany “feels nothing” when she ends their relationship. In the books Dany has a huge crush on Daario but Daario only really wants her for her crown and title, not the girl she is. And Dany knows this. And Jorah is changed into this super nice guy who is always giving her wisdom instead of this creep who is trying to isolate her from other men so she’ll only rely on him.

And when they stopped following the books? Well they really weren’t bothering to hide it much anymore. In S6, they have that idiot Show Tyrion talk about how Dany was “wrong” for not building a new system (and Tyrion is portrayed as smart for not wanting to change the way of the world even though that’s what Dany wants to do). So Tyrion wants slavery to continue for seven years (which the idiot says is a “short time”). And most disgustingly, they had him tell Missandei and Gray Worm, who were slaves their whole lives, that he now “knows the horrors of it”. A white rich guy telling two people of color that he knows about slavery… (am I looking at it too much?) Anyway, when that predictably backfires (why the hell were they always having people talk about how smart Tyrion is and Dany needs to listen to him when all he’s ever done is fail?) and Dany returns to Mereen, they have Dany talk about “returning cities to the dirt” so Tyrion can give her a more merciful strategy. And then in S7… have her rely only on Tyrion and his stupid plans. And if she dared to want to just end it quickly, they told her she would be just like her father. They even had that dumb weak idiot Show Jon say that. Book Jon would bitch slap that idiot. Book Jon wants to bring destruction to House Lannister.

Speaking of which… that scene where she meets Jon. It was funny how Dany had all her many titles spoken by Missandei when all Davos said about Jon is “He’s King in the North”, right? Well… I think those hacks wanted Show Jon to be this humble “noble king” while Dany is this “arrogant Queen with all these titles”. And they also want Dany to come as arrogant and entitled so they have her talk about all the shit she went through (like getting raped and betrayed and sold to sexual slavery) and how faith in herself kept her going. Now to the sane layman, that is a strong woman giving herself credit for believing in herself and using her strength to forge something better for herself. But to Dumb&Dumber that is an arrogant and selfish woman not crediting her abusers for her strength. Gosh I loathe Show Sansa but NO ONE deserves to be raped and to have her credit her rapist for her strength is just… wrong. In every way possible.

Then there was that crap with the Tarlys. Those idiots wanted us to see Dany as doing something evil and wrong. Actually they wanted us to see that whole battle as “wrong”. Because they have that tragic music playing and Tyrion looking sadly. The same guy who watched thousands burn in wildfire that he himself laid out. Where was the sad music then? Anyway Dany does what literally not just every King and Queen does but what ever highborn period does after defeating the enemy. She offers them the choice to bend the knee and live and keep their lands. Or death. Same choice Robert Baratheon offered Balon Greyjoy. Same choice the old Stark kings offered their rivals. The two Tarlys choose death so Dany executed them despite multiple chances. And immediately Varys starts comparing her to her father. Except her father (and people like Ramsay Snow, Tywin Lannister, Gregor Clegane, and Euron Greyjoy) wouldn’t have given multiple chances. They would have given no offers. Just murdered them all (Ramsay, Gregor, and Euron simply for their sadistic pleasure). And then they had Jon look uncomfortable when Dany said she had fewer enemies. Which is stupid. Jon has fought battles before. He’s killed thousands to take Winterfell back as Dany herself reminds him.

And they even had it said that Aegon the Conqueror started “the wheel” and got along far with fear. Except… yes Aegon was ruthless when he had to be, but as King he unified a country that was divided and plagued by constant conflicts. He gave them peace and prosperity. And he and his wives were the first to get rid of some unsavory practices. The hacks were determined to have us think that all Targaryens were “mad tyrants”. Idiots would have us think the Starks were democratically chosen leaders instead of ruthless warlords who conquered the North. They never understood the story or the characters. And the signs were there all along that they were ruining and destroying one of the greatest female characters in fictional history.

Longest post I ever wrote! I didn’t cover S8 because nothing needs to be said about that putrid shitshow. But let me end with this. I fully believe that not only will GRRM finish the books… he will give Dany a great and satisfying ending. I hope she becomes Queen but I will perfectly settle for her being alive and well. I have every confidence that she will not get that disgusting show ending. That was a shitty sexist plot point done purely for shock value. But… I guess the signs were there that those hacks never understood or respected Dany. But there are signs that George has great things planned for our beloved Dany. And then that is how she will be remembered. I’m gonna keep believing and hoping. Someone has to, and I will happily be that person. PS: Can people please tell me what they think of all this? Any questions? I’ll happily answer! And reblogs are perfectly acceptable and encouraged! I’d love to hear your thoughts and you can add anything you want.

[cloudrage]

Hey, I know my last update was kinda depressing, but it's about to get a whole another level of depressing real soon.

I know you really loved dad, and I know all you wanted was for us to be a big happy family like all your friends had, and that's probably why this feels waaaay more awful than what it actually is.

So Dad and Cher had an encounter (I guess there is no english word for roce), and things titlted sideways, well, maybe more like they did a whole 360.

You know how money crazy dad has always been, but after this thing with cher he became a total psycho. He bought a safe (that this other psycho friend of his suggested) and put all the money inside there, and none other than hin and his secretaries are allowed to touch the money there, wich, okay, but he has fucking awful money management, even worse than Cher, and that is saying something.

Anyways, the thing is that I talked to him, because I didn't want Cher to leave, I didn't want the person I love the most to leave because he's acting like a little kid again. So I talked to him, I told him all I wanted, all all of us ever wanted was for him to love us, to make us feel protected, that I wasn't asking for a lot, just for him to be a Dad, y'know? He obviusly didn't get it, like always, it was like talking to a wall. Just imagine how pathetic I looked begging my father to show me a crumb of love.

Obviously nothing changes, yeah, he came home that night and told us he would try and that he loved us and blah blah. Empty words, as always.

Honestly it was hard on me emotionally, like honestly after your death, this has been the worst thing to ever happen, the stress is too much, is like being under water and running out of air.

I talked to him again after a few days because he was being his annoying self as usual and I was on edge. He told me I had a bad view of him and that he wasn't what I thought anymore, and yeah, I gave him that, but I also told him that he wasn't that much better eitherway, I told him that all I ever wanted in my life was a dad like the ones my friends had, I didn't want a millionaire or whatever, I just wanted a Dad that loved me and my siblings, that loves my mom, that made us feel safe at home, a man that I could look at and say "Yeah, I want to marry a man that makes me feel as loved as my dad made us feel all those years", because I don't know what that is. I also told him that he can offer me economical stability all he wants but it's just worthless If I feel like killing myself half the time. I told him that I would choose mom and Cher in a heartbeat, because for me that's where home has always been.

Then he started rambling on and on about how important we all were to him, so I asked him a question; If I invited him to a recital that was important to me, would he go?, he said 'I woudn't go, because it isn't interesting or important to me, but I would take you there and pick you up afterwards'. And there it was, the answer we've all been waiting for, he just doesn't care.

I told him so, I told him that there is the difference between us, because I would listen to watever stupid shit he has to say because I know he likes it and it's important to him, and that's enough to make it important for me too, I told him that maybe It was a stupid recital and it was boring as shit and whatever, but for me it was important, and for me it was important that he was there, because I wanted him to be part of something that as important to me. And that's it.

I guess I would've liked to have that conversation sooner, I would've liked to realize that my Dad maybe doesn't love me at all, that maybe he never loved us at all.

I guess this I another gaping wound that I will have to carry forever.

I'm sorry.

Love you always,

Your big sister.

[samsspambox]

Hi Sam! (｡･♡･｡) hope your doing very well! Cause im not hahah ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ im doing some very tedious work here, i feel like my feet are gonna explde hahhaaha Do you have a theory/interpretation on tot's prologue or have u already talked about that? Always here waiting 4 watever fic u write!♡ have a good day!

CUTE NONNIE HELLO!!! im sorry you're having a bad day hopefully this'll make it better! because holy shit you got me hella thinking about the prologue. honestly i've done stuff alluding to things in the prologue like how i thought vyn could've been the most likely candidate to betray the nxx (which, honestly, i also need to revisit bc i don't think so anymore) or maybe in the theory chain relating to artem, but i haven't properly introduced my ideas in a singular post. and now that it's been a year, let's dive back into theory city, shall we? i, for one, haven't thought about the prologue in ages so i am so ready to revisit that. put on your tinfoil hats, cuz here we go!

sam's prologue theory extravaganza

1.2k words

okay so the first thing we see is Rosa. they are your stand-in for this universe, the person you control. there's this chime we hear at the beginning when the camera zooms in which i'm attributing to entering a state of hypnosis. because that's what's happening IMO, rosa is in a hypnotic state. u know how some hypnotists go 'now sleep' and snap their fingers? that's what that little chime is to me, a kind of trigger that makes rosa fall asleep.

the first person we encounter is luke who is surrounded by the fog and shadows. this is literally so indicative of what's happening with rosa, especially in this event current event (entwining hearts). this is a person rosa knows but because 8 years have passed, do they truly know who he is? luke, being hidden in the shadows, represents that duality of 'i know you, but do i?'. luke drops his key once he disappears with the ravens (which, you know, ravens are omens of death but also of wisdom). this key is incredibly important to him as it opens a box of treasured memories he has. i don't know if i recall this correctly but didn't rosa give him the box (and by proxy the key?) either way, rosa opens the key at our choice (but is it really a choice when it's the only option?) this segues to the next male lead and then to the next, but let's take a detour to what vyn says at the end when he was holding luke's key.

"The key to the chest of memories... Did you see the answer inside? Was it what you wanted?"

in the end of his chapter 4 we actually do see (or, well, read) what was inside of his chest. and it was right, it did hold memories. so why is he pointing this out to us? here's my (new) interpretation of this.

each male lead represents something within the hypnotic state. luke, obviously, is memory. marius is the image you give to society (or the mask), artem is career, and vyn is the self. why is vyn the self?

think about the standard types of hypnosis for a second. there are two ways to take you out of a hypnotic trance: the hypnotist slowly rouses you out of your state of hypnosis or you get the classic 'wake up' with a snap. what i'm arguing is that rosa, when they wake up, wasn't really out of the hypnotic trance. this is purely my own experience with hypnotism (yes, i have been hypnotized before) but i wasn't... that receptive to it. i 'woke up' mid-session and kinda just walked off stage.

but here's why i'm saying this: vyn may have put them into an inception-esque hypnotic trance. some people just have a natural resistance to this, so why not go deeper and deeper until there's no way you can resist to it? it would explain why vyn knew about the chest and was able to materialize it, same with the other mementos the rest of the male leads had. its why we don't hear another chime as rosa wakes up, and why they're being hypnotized again. but why is vyn the self? because vyn is known to analyze situations. in this case, vyn is the representation of analyzing rosa and their attachments.

now, let's move on to another male lead: marius. marius' whole thing is about painting rosa as he sees them. i couldn't really,,, find what flower rosa is holding in the painting but i'm going to go on a limb and say that they're lilac bushes. lilac bushes represent spring and renewal, which seems about right as marius sees rosa as something new and, frankly, refreshing. he doesn't have to hide his 'true' nature around them, he can just be himself. but why the change to the crying picture?

i dont think that you have to interpret this literally, as like luke's introduction. i think that the painting, as much as it represents rosa, it also represents marius. you have to peel back into the layers in order to get to the trauma/the thing people don't want you to see.

"Using a painting to conceal the truth? Perhaps you can fool the eyes, but not the heart."

honestly, you can kind of see this in marius' personal story 4 with the cautionary tale marius' uncle. the guy tried to shield his wife from the public because he truly loved her. in the end, marius followed his heart even tho he tried to contain the truth.

artem's is... one i really like for theory stuff, mostly because of the graveyard. if we keep following the pattern, artem's gravestone isn't really in regards to a person, but rather a thing. i honestly think this one is about the fears of losing a case, or maybe the career rosa has tried so hard to obtain. it's also very linked to artem's second story and beyond. artem, in the beginning, and overall as a character, is a very rigid person. he's a very black and white person, right? that's why the balance fits him so well as a character, his whole shtic is learning how to be in the grey. no one is truly black or white, you know? but it also ties into his indecisiveness regarding rosa in the entirety of the year before he confessed. in his phone call before anni he's like 'i don't wanna live without regrets', tying back to the what-ifs and how in that instance, that was a moment where he had to choose. the flowers themselves represent abundance, elegance, and royalty, but focusing on abundance here. if the flowers that represent abundance are left in a grave, what does it mean?

"Ironic, is it not? Adhering to your convictions but betraying your heart... In the end, it was all for naught,"

in the end, it means indecision leading to regret. something happened that rosa now regrets, and we know that happens too in episode 6.3, who's to say something similar in regards to a case that hasn't happened?

and then... vyn also analyzes himself, why he is there.

"Even if the world were against you... Would you still stand by your choice?"

honestly i think vyn's is the simplest to explain: do you trust yourself? because vyn represents the self and reflection of actions, he is able to pinpoint and ask questions about the things he is able to materialize. vyn is there to ask 'why do i feel the way i do'?

tl;dr and as a recap to yall at home:

rosa is in an inception-like hypnotic state

each boy represents a part of herself

marius represents the way people perceive rosa

luke represents the memories that make rosa... rosa

artem represents career and opposing forces

vyn represents the self and analyzes all the boys + HIMSELF

now, that's just what i can gather through the video itself. if i want to start going into why rosa is in this state, that's a whole other post if yall want it. i do have theories for that! they have to deal with repressed memories and stuff, possible betrayal, and other stuff that involves theorizing about the future of the main story :D

but yeah, thank you for the ask cutie!!! <3

[kaayxshay]

I have a request pls scold me😭 I've been knowing about loa for nearly 2½years now and I've still gotten no results at all. And to be honest just like everyone I too keep complaining about my problems all the time. After affirming I feel good for 1 or 2 days and after that my beliefs start to spiral again "I don't think this will work" "this has never worked" I never feel the urge to achieve my desire I don't study I lack motivation at everything past few months I was sick and also wasting my time watching anime. Not to mention I've been having thoughts about k!//ing myself because I can't focus on my studies I can't even talk to anyone about this I feel so alone and tired upon that I have a really hectic schedule and when I come home I again waste my time watching yt shorts or just mindlessly scrolling, Can you tell how can I get back on track? I'm sry I wrote this big of a paragraph 😭😭 I just don't have anyone who'd believe me so just....I'm sry😭 but pls help me 😢🙏

trust me i’ve been there, when i felt good about having my desires then the next two day i start either getting negative feelings and doubt feelings that made me start doubting or i just don’t see no movement.

but you gotta focus on your 4D (your mind, thoughts, imagination, assumptions/beliefs) your assumptions is what create and how do we create assumptions by persisting in a thought which is an affirmation.

you need to do a mental diet which is keeping your thoughts in check which is flipping negative thoughts, if u get a thought saying “i’m ugly” you flip it to “i’m pretty”

you need to either take a break fr or do a routine something that’ll keep you going with manifestation, if u like affirming u could make a reminder to affirm or visualize however u manifest.

u need to get out of this mindset or funk, maybe u need a break take a break from loa but if u don’t want to then you’re gonna have to discipline yourself for sure. that’s one thing u have to do when it comes to manifesting disciplining your mind.

and u don’t have to affirm or however u manifest 24/7 so u can watch anime but if u mean you’re watching it all day and doug long nothing else but that not even affirming or keeping your thoughts in check then u need to make a alarm maybe for certain times where u can affirm ir visualize whichever and then go on abt your day keeping your thoughts in check.

your emotions and feelings don’t manifest unless u assume they do. so don’t feel like you’re fckning up because u maybe sad, or just down or watever feel those emotions because you’re human.

if there’s any typos sorry i don’t feel like going back and correcting.

[genderlessanxiousweirdo]

Dear Tumblr.

Its been years ever since ive joined thIS GOD FORSAKEN WEBSITE but i have 1 thing and 1 thing only to complain even with all the disorder loving, depressing adoring achoholics on this fucking app theres one thing ive never been to forgive you for creating and that is the motherfucking angel text. no, im not talking about kinnies im talking about the fucking text. if youre unfamiliar there is a copypasta/copy paste fucking watever text about a “little boy” and either “random girl” or “me”.And i fucking hate it. this stupid lil text is e ve r y w h e re. you go to the comments of a tiktok video< theres one bitch, ONE SINGULAR FUCK THAT COPY PASTES THAT UNHOLY PIECE OF LITERATURE YOU GO TO YOUTUBE, THERES ONE EMO ASS LICKER COPY PASTING THAT WHY? WHY ARE YOU SHITTY MONSTROSITES OF SADNESS MAKING MY LIFE SO HARD???? WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME SUFFER??/ AND THE WORST PAR IS YOU EXPECT SUCH AN IDIOTIC PIECE OF WRITTING, THAT CAME FROM TUMBLR NO WHERE WELSE, WOULD DIE AROUND, OH IDK, 2018?? BUT NO. THERE ARE COMMENTS AS EARLY AS THIS FUCKING DAY COPY PASTING THIS DUMB FUCKING TEXT I HATE IT MORE THEN I HATE LITERAL DICTATORS THIS TEXT MAKES MY LIFE SPAN SHORTER BY THE S E C O N I I FID OUT IT HAS BEN PUT SOMEWHERE AND I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT TUMBLR SO I HOPE, THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT HAS EVER IN THEIR WRITTE, OR COPIED THIS FUCKING SHITTY TEXT, FAKE DEEP, EMO LOOKING PIECE OF DEPRESSING ROMANTICIZATION SHIT THEIR PANTS DURING THEIR DATES, THEIR MEETUPS WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILIES, THEIR FUCKING GAMES I JUST HOPE YOU CONSTANTLY SMELL LIKE THE ASS OF A BLOODY BABY THATS JUST BEEN BORN AND IT SHAT ITSELF FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU I HATE THIS and you may wonder oh but genderlessanxiousweeb what in the unholy fuck afre you talking about? this.

to the person who wrote this? i hate you. just so you know  writting this has pained me because i had to remember this fucking text exists i hope all of you emo freaks listen to me when i say: this is not deep its a pile of weak, watery sHIT. i wouldnt want another persaon having to read this but i need you guys to understand THIS FUCKING SUCKS anywayzzzz good day for you tumblr bro hoes and pals!!! luvs also xoxo happy pride month <3<3<3 lets idk smoke weed and incentive children who used app in 2013 to fucking get a disorder or smth

[aleniksimmer]

Hi everyone, sorry for the lack of activity. If you’ve read my last posts you know it has been a rough time for me due to the health of my cats.

First of all I want to thank all the people who donated, reblogged and left a comforting message. I wasn’t able to answer but I’ve read them all, you really helped me go through these weeks.

Ecliss is back home and she’s recovering well. She has been in the hospital with drains on for about 4-5 days (I read the vet report and she had a sack of “purulent” material on both sides of her chest, causing her lungs to not be able o expand and it had caused metabolic effects too cause her sugar blood level was extremely low when she was checked in). Now she’s under large spectrum antibiotics for at least 17 days cause the vet is afraid the infection might come back. She said this may have been caused by old bite wounds and her immune system worked against it till it could. And now I wonder if this could have been a years old issue cause I’ve always seen her breathing “oddly” especially in summer when she was skinny, but her being the only cat I couldn’t compare. I was able to convince (more or less) my parents to give her the “ironing room” instead of the garage at least till the proper cage arrives (amazon lost it somewhere in Germany) cause I was afraid she might suffer the cold due to her condition and her underweight. The first days she was a little off but in the last couple she has become the cat I’ve always known. She decided to claim the chair I used to sit while keeping her company and now she uses it as her bed and scratch spot (since the seat is made of straw), she started exploring the top of the furniture (my mother is not happy), broke a curtain while trying to climb it and was also able to open the temporary cage my dad made for her (can’t deny I was amazed when I found out the next morning, it reminded me of her kitty days). She’s eating a lot, her breath seems normal now and she also started playing, the only problem now is that she has diarrhea due to antibiotics, and since she doesn’t know how to use a litter box (she used to poop in the vegetable garden which is way bigger) she spreads it around the cage if I’m not around to stop her.

This picture was taken when she still wasn’t completely active, I’ve now put a proper cat litter, but she’s still not able to use it properly.

Stige is doing as nice as she can with her condition. The edges of the ears are slowly healing (very slowly), but the open wound is still open. We tried to apply again the staples but her body kinda rejects them (the tissue dies around them till they fall off). On top of that the cone is starting to irritate the skin around her neck (she has very sensitive skin) and she’s somehow able to wound her paws when she’s inside the cage. I treat all of the scratches I see otherwhise they remain open and swallen. I don’t have recent pics of her, her head now is completely shaved cause it’s easier to clean and the overnight leakage from the right ear caused her an eczema near the eye (I’m treating that too). Today the vet told me to try with a band aid on the wound cause she lately tried to scratch her ear with the cone and spread drops of blood everywere. Unfortunately it didn’t stick on the growing fur but I’ve tried to make a kind of light bandage around her head, I didn’t put pressure on it cause I wanted to make sure she was able to breath and eat, but I’ve checked it tonight and it still seems to hold on. On a good note, she’s a chubby cat now, I think she was so hungry when she was outside that now she eats everything as fast as possible (I’ve tried to reduce her dry food lately and see how it goes, if you know who Poki is it’s basically the same attitude except the meows). I’ve noticed that since Ecliss is more active she keeps watching her (they are separated from a glass door) and when I’m around she starts meowing. I don’t know if she’s jealous, wants pets or just coming inside. She didn’t showed any agressive behaviour, nor even when my cat was able to escape from the door and eject herself on the balcony railing (she’s scared of Stige apparently), fortunately I was able to stop her before jumping cause we live in the second floor (she gave me an heart attack and she’s now banned from coming outside till she finishes with her antibiotics).

In general I don’t feel really good, I spend most of the day taking care or pet my cats (I decided to adopt Stige, I still don’t know how but I don’t plan to leave her in the wild, not even after her wound is closed if it will happen) and I love it, it makes me feel good and relax me, but as soon as I come out of the room I’m “assaulted” by sadness. I’m still afraid for Ecliss, and I’m afraid when it will be time to free her in the garden again cause I can’t monitor her health 24/7 but keeping her inside is a big no for my family. I really became affectioned to Stige and every day I see the wound be worse than the day before for watever reason I feel helpless. I want my cats to be as comfortable and happy as possible, but at the same time I don’t know if I’m doing the right things. Rationally speaking I’m doing everything in my power and even the vets told me I’m doing great with the care, but I just feel “blue” whenever I think about it. Physically speaking, it’s not going that great but I try to fake it in front of my family. I’m allergic to cats, and Ecliss always gave me itchy hands even after I washed them. Plus I have psoriasis/dermatitis and with the cold my finger skin starts cracking open. Now it’s not that cold but I’m already full of wounds due to the allergies and my psoriasis, usually located only on my hands, spread to the wrists that are starting to crack too. I’m trying to control it with cortisone (to which I’m allergic too but it’s the last resort) and very “fat” cream but it doesn’t stop spreading. This adds up to the whole mood thing and if my parents find how it’s spreading is going to be another shit show. I also have to go to our old vet (the one who misdiagnosed) to giver her “food samples for pee problems” back but at the same time I don’t want to see her again, if I listened to her, Ecliss would be gone by now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m feeling so many emotions right now that I might just go there and start screaming at her. Even Stige’s vet said it’s odd that she gave us a (fake) diagnosis without even running a blood test. Me and my family decided that for pets health issues we are going to this last one, who seems way more competent and is also easy to talk to. 

Sorry for this last rant, I’m bottling everything up inside and I needed it out in some way. Anyway, now I’m going to bed cause it’s past 1am and I’m exausted. I’ll check the messages/ask as soon as I have time and I feel okay. Again, I’m sorry for the lack of activity, as a CC creator too, due to all that happened I wasn’t able to create anything new nor finish past wips. Sorry.

[namunad]

.EVERYTHINGOES.

Summary: Hoseok keeps dying under water, no matter what he does he’s stuck in a loop.

Notes: While listening to Mono I've been inspired to write about this. To be honest I hope that this story helps someone out there, as much as Everythingoes healed me. I love you no matter who you are. Please if you ever need someone to talk to my Dms are open.

WARNINGS: Suicide, Death, Selfharm

The first time that hoseok died -or at least the first that he remembers- is in the ocean. The morning sun just setting on the sky, he rembers a serene feeling like time was floating with him on the water. He likes to think that he wasn't afraid or scared to go into the unknown, that killing himself wasn't as ugly or terrifying as it had been. He tries to escape the memories of the water burning his lungs, leaving him gasping for air that isn't there. The pain that blossomed through his chest and the realization that he lost his life are all things that he doesn't talk about. So when you ask Hoseok about the first time that he died he'll tell you about the saline perfume of the sea, the soft warmth of the sun, the calmness of the water.

Its maybe on his fourth death that he starts to remember his past life, to remember the hell that his life had been. Depression and anxiety are no joke, he rembers but doesn't suffer. Like watching an awfully sad movie about someone you dont know. Empathy long gone from his body, he understands that he just feels pity for his poor soul. Not sadness but mild disappointment. In what, he doesn't know. Maybe for the way things had gotten out of hand. Maybe in his friends for not noticing and helping him. Maybe in himself for deciding that suicide was the way to go.

The first time that rained and Hoseok was outside he cried because he tought that he wasn't safe anywhere, not even under the grumpy crying sky. They both shed tears that day, painfully so. When it stopped and he came to the conclusion that the soft drops falling on him were not going to harm him, he fell on his knees. Needless to say that they cried again as if they were in sync. Two soulless entities crying over their shared condition, so far from the security that religions offered. What does life offer when you dont have a soul?

Hoseok hates waters, after drinking so much salt he think that his insides are all dry. He sometimes fantasizes about crushing all of his organs with a fingertip, just for the fun of it. Moist sand crumbling with a gentle touch. He wonders if even then he will be alive, if death happens to the body or the soul.

The first time that he understood he wanted to die. Die forever. Hoseok gasps and then exhales a long breath, in the cold weather it puffs up as smoke from a chimney. He was sadly dead and disgustingly alive, lost in watever limbo he had created. He really tried to understand why it happened but as many suns disappeard in front of him he loses interest. A game of cat and mouse, running after something so little and so precious. Is it life or is it death?

Hoseok loves water, in the rain especially he enjoys life. The dampness of his clothes sticking on his skin, weighting more than what water and fabric should. He dances and sings in the rain because he is sure he will not die in that moment, that this kind of water is harmless. He likes to believe that the bad kind is lost in the salt, like his feelings and soul.

Soft as flowers touching skin, droplets fall from the sky, as red stats to color the fresh air he comes to the conclusion that he's gone mad. As if the last few years of death and life had been normal. Thousands of bright petals dance in the wind, coming and going in front of his eyes. He is positively gobsmacked when they touch his skin and melt, cold to the touch as if snow had laid on his skin. How can it snow when the sun is so bright? Was it always this bright? How can it be so cold and yet so warm to the eyes? An oxymoron.

The only detail that makes hoseok understand that he isn't dreaming are the pinkish droplets that stay on his arms and white shirt. Asleep and awake.

He thinks.

He had had less bizarre dreams in his mortal life. No dreams in his present, only memories. So many memories that he can only overanalize them, times when even chewing gum on the wrong side of the mouth can lead to an eventful evening. As red kept flashing in front of his eyes he sees a figure materialize.

It's you. He knows it upon settling his eyes on your evanescent shadow, the subtle drop of his heart tells him that. He falls deep inside himself, doesn't know how much it takes before he open his mouths. Even then, nothing comes out. As if he didn't know how to speak to you. The truth being that he didn't know what to say or how to say it. Gaping like a fish who wanted to jump high and fell on a hard slippery rock. Splashing and convulsing before falling back to water, but as he swims he doesn't think about how high he can jump. What does it take to die? So little, yet too much.

When he figures out how to move his tongue he still doesn't speak. The soft muscle seems relentless in his mouth, it keeps hitting his teeth trying to spit some words. But he resists. So much that his jaw starts to hurt with how tense he is. He is not afraid nor angry, just surprised. He had wished to have you so badly in the years that it had become is only thought. Through the pouring rain and the heavy water bubbling from his chest he loved you. He loves you. Lost and found. What is death if it isn't life? What begins needs to end.

As you approach Hoseok doesn't cry, but smiles. A soft invite, "come here" it says, "this place is safe".The smile you offer when your friends treat your house as theirs. Suddenly his whole body relaxes as if a wave had it him. He doesn't fall.

If love and hate are the same thing. To live is to love. To die is to love. He lived so he loved you, and now he knows he will love you forever.

He is grateful that he met you.

Soul.

[coconutsugacones]

BUGS BIRTHDAY "STASH"

san and I were cuddling on top of the couch, watching tiktoks and giggling, forgetting what personal space meant and then all of a sudden he He lifts up his white shirt off his body and came straight at my neck, attacking m with harsh hickeys

he took my shirt off and went lower and lower, kissing every inch of my skin. Normally I would have screamed at him to stop but these days my hormones have been acting on me and with all my emotions heightened, I start to enjoy it slightly moaning his name while my hans went up to his face he sliD my panties off and started slURPING up my insides like a slushie. It was when he started to suckk on my lil ball of nerves when the front door opened with an ASTrOmOnIcal Amount of force the door open bUrSt open and two clowns ran in. Two plump looking clowns in striped reD was all I saw for a few seconds in my aroused state. It was then I realised it was my two mates.

“just as it was getting good” i whispered to san as we tried to cover ourselves oP because we realized they we’re tryna film us to make a porno tape??. As Mals was trYnnA gesture at me to keep going, her clown nose detached off and rolled on to to sans ass.

mals tried to pick up her clown nose from sans ass but just ended up making it go further in his holé. "ahhh UhG" San let out a moan that I could only describe as something between an anime girl and a construction worker having a wank on his break.

now all 3 of us were gathered around sans ass, trying to get the clown nose outta his ass, we were working aT iT like a group of engineering students trying to fix a brokEn engine. Then rans had the absolutely thrilling idea of facetiming her bouyften Yuri for help getting it out. While I was trying my best to deter her away from that idea (cause hello that's mY BRO) San that mf spilled all his load on the couch

while ihu was busy trying to clean sans white mess up rans quickly called yuri up, knowing he had plently experiences with getting bALLs outta pacific holes

"yes it only works with strawberry ice-cream" we heard Yuri say. with that rans quicky went towards the fridge to look for the said icY GOodnESs. we were all confused with what yuri said, but at this point we were willing to try anYTHING to shimmy that ball out of there

"Shimmy yeah shimyy yeah shimmy yeah all allalassslll" San Started to sing. It was then rona’ came in with a bUCKet of the sweet stuff™️

She guided San to sit in the bucket and thanked the jeezis for his thin hips and snatched waist. The poor bOi was terrified as to why he was in this situation, calling for HOngJoon hyung even though he's hallways across the continent.

I was doing my best to comfort san, because even though he tried to play it off like it was cOOL*wink* i knew his ass was boutta freeze off

"okay next Yuri said we have to have one hand in the bucket with San" rans said "me MEEee" before I or anyone else could say anythinv, mals dunked her whole hands in.

mals instantly regretted dunking her hand in because it was colder than the mf nITROgen filled icecubes chan shoved up her vaheena the order day. Whilst mals was blowing on her hand as if THat will help we heard some pigeons from the balcony.

my whole face lit up when i realized my m8s were here for the rescue!

All three of us had the same idea and we ushered San in all his naked glory towards the balcony. "Okay San trust us this won't take long"

the pigeons gathered around san in a prayer circle and started chanting in some kinda weird oTher woRLDLY language that none of us had heard before. Slowly but surely the red nose started to slip out of san. This resulted in some ass simulations for the bOi and he stared get hard again, the moans now louder and echoing though the empty street

they all started to cheer clAP in joy, finally the ball was out! but wait what was that-

THE PIGEONS HAD ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED SATURN 🪐

And there was Saturn! Makinb his way downtown.

san started whIMpering in fear as he didn’t want another ball anywhere nEaR his ass after that traumatizing incident. So we all headed back inside and the pigeon follows us in probably wanting a snack for their hard work. RAns wasnt having any of it and dragged each pigeon one by one by their wings outside and made them drink the now melted ice cream from the bucket.

ihus cancer ass didn’t want her m8s to be drinking anymore of her fiancés gREASE and led them into her bed to sleep, because after all without them san would prolly still have a ball in his ass. The pigeons were all drenched in the pink liquid but they all laid down on my bed like the good slavs they were. as i put the piegeons to resting, i realized we had to do suMN about this wandering satURN 🪐

I went out to sitting room to discuss what we should do about saturn and nealrh choked out sans cum from last night case there was saturn, leaning against the kitchen door just chilling on one leg

“sup ladies” saturn beybe-nim said with a wiNK as he started to hoP towards us

"soo I was thinkinnn" Saturn started with his gay ass voice as he sat down at our table and started helping himslef to sum mashuni and roshi. before saturn could help himself to more of MY food i was coming @ him but then san pushed me aside and started walkin towards sAturn, dick first, at full speed.

"Omg I totally forgot about sans demon kink!" Mals exclaimed taking out her camer and going behind the couch for that "angle" or watever..

san didn’t heard her aNd tRIPPED on the ground, dick in fULL erection and this was when Saturns gay ass Approached him to sing "hey I just met you and this is crazy but hears my number so call me maybe" but san got propelled towards the ceiling from bouncing of top of dick

I had ENOUGH of him flirting with MY mans and went over there and slapped saturn across his smug face.

Saturn immediately burst into tears saying something about how "none of god's niggas can be gay in peace" but the real cAtASrophe was his tears were absolutely boiling hot and dissolving the living room rug

at that moment, san knew EXACTLY what he had to do before the whole place melted into nothing. He laid down in submission, ass up as mouth open for saturn-sunbaenims tears.

saturn immidiAtly stopped cRYING and came over and slAPPED sans ass, at this point we knew we were overpOwERED by saturn and had to let him have his way if we wanted to live.

Even though I would have never been okay with it I decided to let Saturn have a quickie with my mans.this whole thing was unfair and it was supposed to be MY bIrdthay.

My girlies were comforting me and all of a sudden saturn peeled his face off to reveal he was acTUALLY WOOYOUNG all along and said “no homo bro”

"wOOOYOJnG I'm AbOUTTA KILL YOu" I screamed while going after him with ae fruit knife.

then san turned towards me and repeated a quote by the god herself “it’s not cheating if it’s your soulmate”

At This point i had had enough and scrmead at EvErONe to leave so I can go back to my room and chill in the AC with my pink m8s

while i was having some time with the m8s I realized it wasn’t really sans fault, and he only did it to save all of us. Wooyoung was to blame! did he think this was funny to do on my special day?? me and the m8s were discussing a plan to prAnK him bacc. I knew San and all of the clowns were taking refuge in my parents room so I headed there

when i went in i looked around and didn’t see anyone?? was i blind? I could’ve sworn i heard them in there. Then I went to the balcony and saw rans giving wooyoung the actUAl devil a blowjob so I quickly turned around and saw San and mols on top of the ceiling fan.

this made me even more mad! before i could address any of the problems that were going on my m8s quickly flew in to coMMeNse THe plAn. They grabbed onto wooyoung and started flyING him out of the house as fast as they could and I turned to him and said “if you wanna be saturn so bad go live in space”

My m8s unbottomed his shirt and started to fly him out almsot naked. I laughed to myslef cause he'd be having his purple nips out for the public to see. everyone stopped doing what they were doin and came out to thr balcony to see wooyoung being launched into space. But I wasn’t done with them yet! rans was cheating on yuri, san kinda cheated on me but not really? and mols probably invoted wooyOUNg here in yhe forst place.

I called for a group gathering and picked up the melted ice-cream goo with all my might and threw it on towards the traitors.

they finally got what they deserved! or did they? I looked at them and realized they were kinda elEcTRICUTING?? what the actual fuck they weren’t my friends this whole time but ROBOTS.

I gasped and took a step back in disbelief. Were they the AI robots KQ sEan kIm-nim talked about? But how did he actually manage to make and send them here?

i was so relieved but scared at the same time, at least it wasn’t my friends doing all of theese shenanigans but where were my ACTUAL frens.

The robots were now going going haywire in my living room and I was left to my own devices (literally) to clean it up and somehow get rid of them before my parents cake back.I concentrated all my negative energy on them and actually managed to throw them out of the balcony

They landed on the street and dissipated into thin air. I heard a loud elphephantd noise and looked up to see balcony San but now he looks even more like real San!

every thing was such a mess and i knew I couldn’t do it alone so i called him over to help me clean up and maybe sneak out to fiNd my real frens after that

He did a lil salute and ran straight to my house. I was extremely glads that he didn't reject me but honestly thou I did my hair the night before and was feeling like a bOUjee bitch WHo COULD deNy Me AAhA

we quickly cleaned up and went to look for the huMAN m8s

Whilst we were walking his hand slowly slipped into mine and I almost gagged on mylsef.

then I remembered sAN and how dissapeted he would be and sadly broUGHT ma hans back to myself and went aloNG. Balcony San started talking bout how he was a new trainee ata Japanese company-

we wandered along to this dark, kinda scary lookin hALL? all the lights were off and I couldn’t see anything. My clumoy ass slipped in the shiny tiles and balcony chan was too busy talking about CoLOr changing pigeons to notice it

as i helped myself up, balcony san pushed me into this bALL piT and all the lights turned on! then i saw my m8s and as i was gonna run towards them to hUg them i realized they decorated the whole place for ma borthday!!.my HUMAN m8s, rona, mols and sAN that is akakka

There was this huge redvelvet cake and a small lil stage to the side. When the stage lightings cam on I SAW MF Ikon and they started singing their songs but rock version with AcTUAl live drums and guitars. then all of the ateez members also came up from backstage and they all started singing together. San gestured atme to come up

Ateeze and ikom collabed to make me a birthday ballad song and I was fully bawling my eyes out while stuffing the caked in. From the corners of my eyes j saw rans and mals having a swimming battle on the marbled tiles.

i brought them all in for a group hug, even wet ol rans and mols and i thanked them for this amazing gift! this shore was a birthday to remember