namunad
the state of longing
11 posts
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namunad · 3 years ago
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namunad · 4 years ago
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.EVERYTHINGOES.
Summary: Hoseok keeps dying under water, no matter what he does he’s stuck in a loop.
Notes: While listening to Mono I’ve been inspired to write about this. To be honest I hope that this story helps someone out there, as much as Everythingoes healed me. I love you no matter who you are. Please if you ever need someone to talk to my Dms are open.
WARNINGS: Suicide, Death, Selfharm
The first time that hoseok died -or at least the first that he remembers- is in the ocean. The morning sun just setting on the sky, he rembers a serene feeling like time was floating with him on the water. He likes to think that he wasn’t afraid or scared to go into the unknown, that killing himself wasn’t as ugly or terrifying as it had been. He tries to escape the memories of the water burning his lungs, leaving him gasping for air that isn’t there. The pain that blossomed through his chest and the realization that he lost his life are all things that he doesn’t talk about. So when you ask Hoseok about the first time that he died he’ll tell you about the saline perfume of the sea, the soft warmth of the sun, the calmness of the water.
Continua a leggere
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namunad · 4 years ago
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MISFITS
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Some things are meant to be and some aren’t.
word count: 5k
Warnings: smut, mentions of mental ilness, smut, switch!jungkook, switch!reader, curvy!reader, angst  (like lots and lots).
It’s 1 a.m the air is cold and breaths puff up as soft clouds in the air, walking in silence you’re feeling the soft buzz of the few drinks that you had leaving you euphoric on this cold night. Jungkook seems to be fighting with the wind to light up his cigarette, the glow of the nearby bar playing on his face, purple and pink reflecting on his cheekbones. He squeals exited when finally hot red flashes before him and lets him drag the smoke to his lungs.
Continua a leggere
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namunad · 4 years ago
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Urgent please reblog.
I lost my job to covid and ive been struggling to find a job still. i hate to keep making posts like these but i really do need the help. i have bills to pay  and need to get personal hygiene things. Also need to get food for myself . Take my cats to the vet . My car is breaking down . I’m in debt with student loans :(
even if you can’t donate please reblog. it can be a 1,5,10,15. anything helps..
PAYPAL:  paypal.me/zombiemeowtaco or if you need my email. its [email protected]
CASHAPP: $zombietacoslayer19
Venmo: Princessrainbowmeow
I really need a miracle:(.
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namunad · 4 years ago
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Updated Masterlist
Last Updated 04/12/2020
Fluff (f)
Angst (a)
Smut (s)
Kim Namjoon:
cooming soon
Kim Seokjin:
cooming soon
Min yoongi:
cooming soon
Jung Hoseok:
.EVERYTHINGOES. (a)
Hoseok keeps dying under water, no matter what he does he’s stuck in a loop.
Park Jimin:
SKIN (f) (s)
Jimin discovers that he has a thing for fabbrics on your plump body and what was intended to be a fun night made you both explore his kink (Clothing fetishism: being sexually attracted to some fabrics)
Kim Taehyung:
cooming soon
Jeon Jungkook:
MISFITS (a) (s)
Some things are meant to be and some aren’t. In whitch two friends explore their feelings.
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namunad · 4 years ago
Text
MISFITS
Tumblr media
Some things are meant to be and some aren’t.
word count: 5k
Warnings: smut, mentions of mental ilness, smut, switch!jungkook, switch!reader, curvy!reader, angst  (like lots and lots).
It’s 1 a.m the air is cold and breaths puff up as soft clouds in the air, walking in silence you’re feeling the soft buzz of the few drinks that you had leaving you euphoric on this cold night. Jungkook seems to be fighting with the wind to light up his cigarette, the glow of the nearby bar playing on his face, purple and pink reflecting on his cheekbones. He squeals exited when finally hot red flashes before him and lets him drag the smoke to his lungs.
Continua a leggere
180 notes · View notes
namunad · 4 years ago
Text
MISFITS
Tumblr media
Some things are meant to be and some aren’t.
word count: 5k
Warnings: smut, mentions of mental ilness, smut, switch!jungkook, switch!reader, curvy!reader, angst  (like lots and lots).
It’s 1 a.m the air is cold and breaths puff up as soft clouds in the air, walking in silence you’re feeling the soft buzz of the few drinks that you had leaving you euphoric on this cold night. Jungkook seems to be fighting with the wind to light up his cigarette, the glow of the nearby bar playing on his face, purple and pink reflecting on his cheekbones. He squeals exited when finally hot red flashes before him and lets him drag the smoke to his lungs.
“Why the fuck did I pay 50 dollars for a drink?” his hand comes up to his temple massaging the tense skin frowning his red lips tug downward, his foot tapping on the hard concrete “but most importantly where the fuck is our taxi”. You shrugged not having an answer for his last question, the breeze forcing you to wrap your arms around yourself.
“You asked for the most expensive drink Kook” the soft smile that plays on your lips calms him briefly before he rolls his eyes huffing.
“I asked for the best drink, not the most expensive, and it wasn’t even that good” you laugh knowing that he is lying, the image of his face enjoying the drink impressed behind your eyes. Skin flushed and mouth slightly agape leaving your mind running free, fantasising about what could be wetting his lips like that. Soft petals after a moist night.
“Quit whining, you act like it's the end of the world” he scoffs and gives you a soft push, his lips spreading into a smile, the cigarette lying on the corner of his mouth. Ash falls on the collar of his black coat, your hands move their own accord dusting the soft ash off the fabric and staying above his heart.
Neither of you smoked when you first met, it's a bad habit that college got you into. You remember promises of never drinking, smoking or make use of any illegal substance. You start laughing, the irony of your past floating above your heads. How does one change completely within years?
“You’re lucky we’re friends, keep running that mouth and you’ll not be anymore” you purse your lips and sneak your fingers to the cigarette stealing it from Jungkook. The filter is stained from his lipstick, when it finds a place in your mouth you can’t stop your mind from thinking about where it had been before. Can it be considered as a kiss?
“Lucky me then, I love to open my mouth such a shame you don’t” the implication of what you’re saying is not lost on him. His eyes are dark and heavy, as always he doesn’t reply to your flirting leaving you like a call unanswered. The phone rings and behind there’s only buzzing statics. Suddenly awake, the night seems darker and colder.The sound of air leaving your lungs makes the wait even worse, the cigarette is suddenly unlit and cold. You throw it and step on it roughly.
Fuck him, you think and you almost say it. Stopping you is the tall figure that gets in between you two, the guy which is clearly drunk offers you a lopsided smirk and cocks his head at you.
“What are you doing here alone, pretty lady? Want some company?” as you open your mouth to say that you're actually not alone you stop yourself, mad and uncorresponded you tell him that you simply are not interested. But it doesn’t stop there, it never does with this type of man. The stranger hand finds your wrist and tuggs you against him “Don’t play hard babe, lets have fun”.
“I told you that I’m not fucking intrested” you shove him away from you, receving attention that you dindn’t want -attention from someone who wasn’t Jungkook- made you more upset. The guys face twists into a deep frown gripping tighter your wrist.
“You should be grateful bitch that I’m giving your fat ass a chan...” this time his words die on his mouth the reason being Jungkook. The sound of bones breaking makes you screech in horror, the guy takes a step back but doesn’t fall, doesn’t let go of you. Bloodshot eyes find yours, a wicked feeling gripping you from the inside. Red pops in your mind, it screams danger.
“She doesn’t want you dumbass” he screams with a proud glimmer in his eyes, maybe the feeling of victory, but this isn’t a film and before you can do anything Jungkook is falling on his back holding his face. The blood that gathers on his hand makes you sick, the world spinning beneath you. His vice grip leaves you and you fall against the wall, you bounce from the contact. Hard rubber against the floor.
From then it's just flashes, the tall man swings a fist at Jungkook then he says something and Jungkook is on top of him. When black starts filling your vision you can hear Jungkook yelling, he drags you to the cab and gets you on the backseat. Perfect timing. There you recoil and think.
On the way home you both don’t talk. You want to ask him if he’s okay but the hardness of his gaze stops you. You come to the conclusion that he is mad at you, every night that you had together finishes somehow badly. It's not the first time you get laughed at, the both of you being used to their mean comments you usually just go on, it had never led to a physical fight.
In the worn backseat you start crying. You know he probably hears you sniffle behind him but he doesn’t address it, which only makes you sob louder. He doesn’t care about you, not romantically and not friendly. When the taxi comes to a stop you quickly get out and realize that you’re not in front of your house, the doorsteps to his studio come to your vision making you want to scream.
“Why the fuck am I at your house?” the bitterness of your voice leaves Jungkook gobsmacked, you’re angry at him he understands it. He feels feverish staring at your face, red eyes and runny nose stare back at him. Were you crying for him?
“I thought that given what happened you didn’t want to sleep alone” you nod and relax your shoulders, your body feels at ease like it suddenly hit water and floated to the surface. But your mind seems to disagree, the need to refuse his offer on the tip of your tongue, the goose bumps on your skin convince you otherwise. His apartment is warm, more than yours would be in a night like this, you sigh tired beyond limits. Jungkook disappears in his room, you decide to not investigate to not hurt your feelings further and you sink on the sofa. Sleep getting the best of you and giving you some needed rest.
What wakes you it's him hissing and grunting, making jolt out of your place and run towards him. When you barge through the door you find him facing the mirror his eyeliner smudged and the cut on his lips crusty with dried blood. When his eyes settle on you he quickly avoids your gaze, but it doesn’t stop you from getting the cotton ball full of alcohol out of his hands and throw it. He shrugs and chugs the brown liquid before sighting sadly, as if someone was pushing on his stomach hard enough to make him exhale all that air.
“You should use something else”
“I only have this bourbon” comes his immediate response.
Strangers. You feel awkward telling him to get a chair so you can help him clean up, never in your years of friendship you felt like an outsider but as he settles the chair in silence you can’t help but to feel so. When he sits the lights of the bathroom finally lets you see the damage done to his face, a sigh of relief leaves your mouth. Aside from the cut on his lips and light bruising on his cheek you can’t see anything else.
“Were you expecting worse?” his eyes finally meet yours, you nod cleaning lightly his cheek “You know what you’re doing, it feels better when you do it” soft eyelashes flutter at his words. He is apologising, since you were kids it has been his way of being sorry. Big eyes and a pout is all that took him to be forgiven by you. This time is different, far from the simplicity of a stolen spoon of ice cream, you want to hear him say sorry. To be sorry .“The silent treatment, huh?” you scoff and start cleaning his mouth.
Full lips parted waiting for you, far from his hard stare you let your fingertips touch the soft skin. Jungkook winces slightly as if waiting for the burn of the alcohol not the softness of your caress. He doesn't move after that and lets you indulge in your fantasy, it doesn’t occur to you that your thumb is pushing past his lips to settle on top of his tongue until the wet muscle touches you. You gasp and try to move your hand as fast as possible, his teeth sinking on your finger keeping it in place. His tongue moves around your digit and sucks the life out of it, you tell yourself that he likes the taste of bourbon that is lingering on your skin.
When he opens his eyes his jaw suddenly goes slack but you don’t find it in yourself to drag your finger out of his mouth. So you stay in that position, outside the sun is starting to light up the sky through the curtains. The light reflects on every shiny surface, a snowstorm of dust dancing in the apartment. A car outside honks and you jump surprised clutching your hand, against your erratic heart. How you wished to be outside, under the cold sun.
“I’m sorry” he offers you a sad look, his hands pressing against his thighs as if cleaning all the sweat that they collected. You know better, his anxiety habits being close to your heart. Brown orbits follow your gaze, stopping every movement he was doing.
“I know you are” comes your reply
“I really am”
Jungkook opens his mouth slightly and then he closes it. He knows he shouldn't do it, yet his hand comes to your hips and tug you towards him, fingers digging into the rough material of your jeans. You tip your head making your face hover his.
“For what?” His hands fall on his sides, he has shown you everything that he could.
He offers you his palms up, they say ‘read through the lines about my future’. What does it hold for us? Lovers, friends or strangers?
“Kiss me?” he whispers against you, soft breath warming your lips. The question lingers in the air, it dances between the two of you. Soft limbs press against each other.
“You don’t want me to” his eyes are fierce long lashes bat before you, tongue poking at his cheek. His nose finds yours and swipes against it.
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn't want it” he purrs and presses his lips against yours. The kiss is messy and far from what you had dreamed of in the years. He was ravishing you not tasting you, disappointed and surprised you decided that you liked it. The bourbon tang moves from him to you, and you blame the alcohol for the quickness with which you’ve forgiven Jungkook. His tongue plunges in your mouth, and you find yourself thinking about the softness that you had experienced against your finger in contrast with the rawness of it now. Plump lips work against each other for longer than you think.
“You taste of bourbon” you mumble as he detaches from you, he smiles and grabs your face caressing your cheeks. His lips kiss the apple of your cheeks, and then your eyes pressing lightly against them. He chuckles as you eyelashes tickle him, as you open your eyes you find him smiling so dumbly that if you didn’t know better you’d think this is the most beautiful day in his life.
“I think you taste like me” he says before getting up and pushing you to be the one sitting on the chair.
Switched roles. You gasp when he falls to his knees and starts unbuttoning your pants, his lips plant themselves on your tummy as if sucking the life out of it. His eyes don’t leave yours, your gut twists at the fastness of his movement, when your thighs are free from the tight confinement his face pushes against them. Jungkook closes his eyes enjoying the softness of them, how would he love to sleep on them forever. how easy would it be to die there. Your fingers ruffling his hair are enough to wake him from his reverie and start kissing your inner thigh with a new fund intensity.
He trails his open mouth kisses to your clothed core, which receives a soft caste kiss as if it was the cheek of his mother. Wanting to ask him if he really means that gentle gesture,if he sees you as a delicate creature worth the tenderness. You need to bite hard on your tongue to stop yourself from ruining the moment. His next actions give you an answer.
You never deemed Jungkook as the rough type and neither the soft type, in your mind he was passionate. Hot skin melting under his touch. In the years it had happened that you heard others enjoying his company, dreaming to be them you indulged in the fantasy that he was an intense lover. Not too much and not too little. As his fingers tear your underwear and his tongue finds your most sensitive pearl, you can see how much you were wright. You can feel it in the fervor in which he is eating you out, the hard muscle working on your insides as his nose keeps stimulating your bundle of nerves.
“Take this off” he tugs on your revealing top, that you had worn in the hopes of an event like this “Wanna see your tits”. He doesn’t give you time to think about a mouthy answer diving back to your moist cunt, your legs shake against his shoulders while hard teeth start nibbling at your soft labia. You take off your last garment without any complaints, Jungkook smiles against your heated mound and detaches himself from you. Wet strings follow on his face, a moan leaves your mouth.
The cocky smile that tugs at his face doesn’t surprise you, knowing that Jungkook is used to winning. To be good at anything of that matter, he thrives of what makes him understand that he is the best. He knows he is good and he knows that you love it. The thought makes you shamefully more aroused than what it should.
“You have such a pretty pussy” two of his fingers spreading your wet lips, they move to circle the tight hole collecting your juices and then start pushing inside “So tight for me ...” . Jungkook loses you right there, overwhelmed from the fast pace you don’t hear him saying the last words. “...only for me”
You hum and then scream when his mouth finds your nipple and starts sinking his teeth into it, by the end of his work when he leaves your nipple to move to the other one you feel raw everywhere. From the tip of your sensitive boobs to your insides which are gripping so hard on Jungkook's hand that he thinks that you're going to break his fingers. He sees you nearing your end, the look on your face, the delicate moans that leave your mouth spur him to start going impossibly faster. His lips find your clit, making you cry out loud the lord's name
“I’m gonna cum. Gonna cum right now Guk” you keep chanting his name, the only word that bounces in your brain “Fuck, fuck” you whine as he keps the same pace. Jungkook is amazed when he sees your orgasm face, the lonely nights in which his hand had helped him get through his impossible feelings for you he imagined something else. When you cum your mouth opens to what seems like the most relaxed expression to ever touch your face, he cant help to hope to see you always this rested and calm.
You spasm and cry his name once again. Your toes are painfully curled against his back and your spine is so curved that you think you might develop a disease with how long you stay in that position. His fingers work you through your climax keeping a steady pace, when overstimulation starts to settle in you move from the imaginary cast that you created. As you come back to your senses you feel too naked and vulnerable, your hands come instantly to your stomach as your eyes drop to the floor. You showed your all to him and as he stares at between your legs you almost want to tell him your deepest secrets.
“Don’t cover yourself” he tugs on your arms that are firmly planted to your skin “I love your body”. You give him a tight smile knowing well that it wasn’t about your appearance, if only he loved you.... Is it bad to want something that someone doesn’t want?
He knows why you’re suddenly so tense but he isn’t ready to talk about it, Jungkook wants just to feel you and as he's getting up his hands snake under your arms bringing you flush against him. As if he always did it, his head falls on your shoulder as he holds your naked body, he shifts his weight rhythmically singin so faintly that you find it difficult to even understand him, let alone understand him. His lips hover on your shoulder, hot breath making you squirm in his hands. Again he has succeeded in calming your pained heart.
“You’re so perfect” he whisper against your ear
“but not for you” you breathe discouraged
“yes, for me”. And I’ll show you, he thinks but doesn’t say. As if nothing happened his lips search for yours and they find them waiting for him, you sight on his mouth. The frown that was deeply creasing your forehead relaxes.
He walks backwards holding you until he touches his bed and sits down bringing you on top of him. Painfully dressed, the rough material of his jeans press onto you so harshly that you whimper way too loudly. His hands, that now are resting on your ass, squeeze it and then slap it playfully. He almost breaks his neck trying to get a glimpse of the ripples of your flesh. You pull on his shirt trying to get him out of it, the tight black turtleneck doing wonders for his figure, he shreds the piece of clothing not before making you laugh as he gets his head stuck. Once uncovered he falls back to his back giving you access to his unmarked body, ravishing the sight of him so pliable under you as your mouth presses against his hot skin.
When you notice them, two lines like a railway leading to nowhere. Two long scars. Your heart jumps out of his place with sorrow and what you think is defeat. You arrived too late, someone had already hurt him. Lips aching to kiss it better, at least until the pain is gone. Erased from the face of the earth, you find yourself wanting to hurt who made him think less of himself. You knew of them, of course you knew, after all you were the first call that his mother had made that disgustingly sad day.
“I’m sorry”. I’m sorry for what happened to you. Sorry that you felt so alone to think that no one was going to miss you. Sorry to not have been there, to not have noticed.
“I know you are” his nails are now scratching lightly the skin of your thighs. You know it's not like that, but you can’t help yourself to think that's a punishment. You hope that his finger cut you, digging through your muscles permanently damaging you. So that you could understand what he feels, and he would understand how deeply you feel for him.
“I really am” shame grips you so strongly that your eyes fail to stay open and look at him
“Don’t cry about it”, you gasp as you realize the wetness on your cheeks. “It happened a long time ago”. Birds are chirping outside and he smiles collecting your tears and kissing each of your fingertips.
“Besides I really need you now, please”. Jungkook is impossibly hard and your boiling sex against him, makes him want to tear his closes to tiny peaces until they don’t exist anymore. His fingers force you down on your hips, pressing himself closer to you.
His tongue is reckless in mouth, pushing past your teeth and dancing with you own. Jungkook delivers the sloppiest kiss that he can give you, pushing his, still clotheted, erect cock into you.
“Want to feel you” you huff, your fingers struggling with the tightness of his trousers. More skin comes into your vision; you cannot stop your mind from screaming to worship him. You take in a breath so intense that it tickles your chest, his eyes are waiting for you as soft whines leave his mouth. On your knees you start praying that no one will ever see what you're seeing, will never see him that sweaty and needy. A mole on his knee catches your attention so much that you find yourself kissing it, and so to each of his little beauty marks. You slowly work your way up until you’re kissing him. His bottom lip is as soft as a pillow after a stressful day.
Chest to chest nipples rubbing against each other, you take hold of him. It pulses in your hands as it finally gets the attention that it deserves, it looks painfully pleasurable neglected for so long that when you look at it the tip has a flushed color to it. His hand finds yours and guides your movements, as his thighs tremble. Your thumb plays on his slit as he moans throwing back his head
“So fucking good” he grips your hips and pushes his thigh in between your legs. “Can you ride my thigh? Fuck cherub that would be so hot”. He rolls his eyes so hard that he nearly loses sight as you put all of your weight on the taunt muscle, the wetness in between your legs permits you to move so smoothly that he’d think you’ve done it you’re entire life. You can feel his dick rubbing against your upper thigh.
His finger comes up to your nipples, pinching and rolling them. Your heart starts beating faster, the feeling of a new orgasm building makes you slump forward and press your forehead against his. Jungkook would love to be a sponge right now, just to absorb all of your thoughts. Was he what you had imagined? Your second orgasm is more dull in comparison to the first, still better than any escaparedes that you had in the years. Jungkook bats his eyelashes waiting for your next move, his arms holding your trembling body up.
“You’re so patient” is the first thing that you say “such a good boy” he purrs at your words, nose scrunching at your praise. He is a complete mess from the black locks falling on his eyes, bruised skin to his raw lips.
It would be a shame not to kiss them, you would be disappointed in yourself if your lips didn’t impress themselves on his forever. Profoundly interconnected like time and space. As you whimper against him his hands travel to hold your head against his, even as you start to struggle breathing you keep kissing him. When you feel your lungs screaming for oxygen you break out of his hold but his fingers that now are on your hair tug roughly on your scalp. You cry, pain mixes with pleasure as your head falls back and gives finally Jungkook the access that he needed to devour you.
He wants you to have his marks for a long time, he sucks on your neck as if his life depended on it. His teeth nip on the abused skin and a smile stretches on his face thinking of you the next day checking the damage that he had done. If he could Jungkook would cover you in hickes, from head to toe.
The power dynamic has changed, now you’re the one who is squirming and fighting against his mouth. As he flips you to have you on your back, you can only be impressed by his force and drool over the sight of his biceps flexing. How can someone be so fucking hot?
“Missionary, huh? Isn’t it a bit basic” you ask as he starts rubbing his tip against your sodden folds.
“You better close your mouth cherub” He pushes on your hip making you twist your lower half and give him the perfect view of your ass. A hard slap echoes through the room and then another one, finally Jungkook can see the jiggle of your soft body coming to the conclusion that you’re an otherworldly creature.
He holds one of your legs up and thrust in your tight walls, as he bottoms out you both shiver from the contact. “So deep” you keep blabbering as you squeeze your breast holding them from moving too much. Sweat is collecting on his temples and it shines on his bronzed skin as kisses given from the gods. He is relentless, his crown kissing your cervix with how roughly his ramming inside you dragging his cock so perfectly in you think you're ascending the material world. Your hands leave your chest to find his and quickly pass on his little buds, he growls and lets your leg fall to his side probably tired.
Jungkook drops on you, hips flush against yours, stomach against stomach, heart against heart. Forearms on the sides of your head he picks up a destructive pace, hitting right on your g spot, stimulated beyond limits you can only kiss him. His hands find yours and enterwine, you’re so close that you start feeling claustrophobic. Buried under the weight of your deepest desire.
“Are you going to cum for me?” your spasming also are enough of a response and the screech that comes out of your mouth is so lustful that he starts throbbing inside of you
“Fuck, can I cum inside you”
“yes, please” White stars are spotting your vision, he seems an angel to your hazed mind. The experience is so shocking, that you can’t even call it an orgasm. Your brain floats, intoxicated with his smell.
“Gonna fill you up so good Cherub” you humm at his words as he suddenly stops, he is impossibly deep inside you when he spills, so much that you think you’re going to bear his child. He rolls to your side panting like a dog after chasing his favourite toy in the mud. You feel dirty as the piercing air hits your skin, no longer hidden from his fraim you shiver.
He stays like a dead body for a few minutes, when his eyes open and his chest starts moving you feel oddly satisfied. Your nakedness no longer a concern you reach to kiss him and he welcomes obediently, his hand coming to take you closer to him.
“Can we stay like this forever?” he sighs and squeezes you. Doesn’t he know? How can someone be so oblivious?
“If you wanted we could” you whisper. Finger sinking onto him in the desperate try to not let go of him
“I don’t mean it in that way”
“Then which way?” Which way do you perceive me; friends, lovers or strangers?
Life is beginning outside, you can hear the commotion. Kids screaming, students laughing, the workers hurried steps. You can hear it all, but his reply. Your work is done, you quickly get up straightening your back and turn around. Leaving his warm embrace feels like being born again, being thrown into a pool and not knowing how to swim.
You tug your now cold clothes back to their original place running to the door while he calls your name, scrambling to get your coat and shoes you fall and get quickly up. Your knee sting and you're sure that you'd find them bloody if you looked at them. The fist breath of air feels hot as if breathing through fire, thousands of needles poking at your lungs.
“For god's sake can you wait?” he is scrunching holding himself against his knees “I like you. No, screw that I love you but I cannot do this to you”. Surprise washes over your features over the sudden confession as you try to reach for him he takes a step back and continues. “I cannot let you fall for me because I can’t guarantee that I’ll always be there”
This time when you cry tears are falling freely, the reality of what is happening starts to sink in and you feel like you’ll be crying forever. A tap broken on the hottest setting, so when you try to fix it you’ll be left in excruciating pain.
“You should find someone else, someone who cares so much for you that wants to stay alive”
“But I already love you” you love him so much that the extent of your love scares you. So firmly rooted in your heart that if this love is eradicated from you, you’ll be left as empty soil. Moist land without seeds.
“Then you shouldn’t”
It’s 10 a.m, the air is cold and breaths puff up as soft clouds in the air, walking in silence you’re feeling overwhelmed by what happened in the few hours that you had with him leaving you alone on this cold day.
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namunad · 4 years ago
Text
.EVERYTHINGOES.
Summary: Hoseok keeps dying under water, no matter what he does he’s stuck in a loop.
Notes: While listening to Mono I've been inspired to write about this. To be honest I hope that this story helps someone out there, as much as Everythingoes healed me. I love you no matter who you are. Please if you ever need someone to talk to my Dms are open.
WARNINGS: Suicide, Death, Selfharm
The first time that hoseok died -or at least the first that he remembers- is in the ocean. The morning sun just setting on the sky, he rembers a serene feeling like time was floating with him on the water. He likes to think that he wasn't afraid or scared to go into the unknown, that killing himself wasn't as ugly or terrifying as it had been. He tries to escape the memories of the water burning his lungs, leaving him gasping for air that isn't there. The pain that blossomed through his chest and the realization that he lost his life are all things that he doesn't talk about. So when you ask Hoseok about the first time that he died he'll tell you about the saline perfume of the sea, the soft warmth of the sun, the calmness of the water.
Its maybe on his fourth death that he starts to remember his past life, to remember the hell that his life had been. Depression and anxiety are no joke, he rembers but doesn't suffer. Like watching an awfully sad movie about someone you dont know. Empathy long gone from his body, he understands that he just feels pity for his poor soul. Not sadness but mild disappointment. In what, he doesn't know. Maybe for the way things had gotten out of hand. Maybe in his friends for not noticing and helping him. Maybe in himself for deciding that suicide was the way to go.
The first time that rained and Hoseok was outside he cried because he tought that he wasn't safe anywhere, not even under the grumpy crying sky. They both shed tears that day, painfully so. When it stopped and he came to the conclusion that the soft drops falling on him were not going to harm him, he fell on his knees. Needless to say that they cried again as if they were in sync. Two soulless entities crying over their shared condition, so far from the security that religions offered. What does life offer when you dont have a soul?
Hoseok hates waters, after drinking so much salt he think that his insides are all dry. He sometimes fantasizes about crushing all of his organs with a fingertip, just for the fun of it. Moist sand crumbling with a gentle touch. He wonders if even then he will be alive, if death happens to the body or the soul.
The first time that he understood he wanted to die. Die forever. Hoseok gasps and then exhales a long breath, in the cold weather it puffs up as smoke from a chimney. He was sadly dead and disgustingly alive, lost in watever limbo he had created. He really tried to understand why it happened but as many suns disappeard in front of him he loses interest. A game of cat and mouse, running after something so little and so precious. Is it life or is it death?
Hoseok loves water, in the rain especially he enjoys life. The dampness of his clothes sticking on his skin, weighting more than what water and fabric should. He dances and sings in the rain because he is sure he will not die in that moment, that this kind of water is harmless. He likes to believe that the bad kind is lost in the salt, like his feelings and soul.
Soft as flowers touching skin, droplets fall from the sky, as red stats to color the fresh air he comes to the conclusion that he's gone mad. As if the last few years of death and life had been normal. Thousands of bright petals dance in the wind, coming and going in front of his eyes. He is positively gobsmacked when they touch his skin and melt, cold to the touch as if snow had laid on his skin. How can it snow when the sun is so bright? Was it always this bright? How can it be so cold and yet so warm to the eyes? An oxymoron.
The only detail that makes hoseok understand that he isn't dreaming are the pinkish droplets that stay on his arms and white shirt. Asleep and awake.
He thinks.
He had had less bizarre dreams in his mortal life. No dreams in his present, only memories. So many memories that he can only overanalize them, times when even chewing gum on the wrong side of the mouth can lead to an eventful evening. As red kept flashing in front of his eyes he sees a figure materialize.
It's you. He knows it upon settling his eyes on your evanescent shadow, the subtle drop of his heart tells him that. He falls deep inside himself, doesn't know how much it takes before he open his mouths. Even then, nothing comes out. As if he didn't know how to speak to you. The truth being that he didn't know what to say or how to say it. Gaping like a fish who wanted to jump high and fell on a hard slippery rock. Splashing and convulsing before falling back to water, but as he swims he doesn't think about how high he can jump. What does it take to die? So little, yet too much.
When he figures out how to move his tongue he still doesn't speak. The soft muscle seems relentless in his mouth, it keeps hitting his teeth trying to spit some words. But he resists. So much that his jaw starts to hurt with how tense he is. He is not afraid nor angry, just surprised. He had wished to have you so badly in the years that it had become is only thought. Through the pouring rain and the heavy water bubbling from his chest he loved you. He loves you. Lost and found. What is death if it isn't life? What begins needs to end.
As you approach Hoseok doesn't cry, but smiles. A soft invite, "come here" it says, "this place is safe".The smile you offer when your friends treat your house as theirs. Suddenly his whole body relaxes as if a wave had it him. He doesn't fall.
If love and hate are the same thing. To live is to love. To die is to love. He lived so he loved you, and now he knows he will love you forever.
He is grateful that he met you.
Soul.
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namunad · 4 years ago
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Bangtan little world has become my safe space and I couldn't be happier. Bts literally brings the biggest smile on my face. I love them and I wish them the best of things. Love you all armys!
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namunad · 4 years ago
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MtL to like a chubby partner
1. Yoongi
2. Jin
3. Taehyug
4. Namjoon
5. Jungkook
6. Hoseok
7. Jimin
So.... let me start by saying that I think that all the guys if they like the person they would like them regardless of their body type. They would all enjoy a bit more weight in my modest opinion, this list has what I think are the most likely to date chubby/plus size person.
Yoongi, Jin and Taehyung: I think they would love to have a chubby person by their side. Yoongi strikes as the type who likes to touch a lot his partner and probably will enjoy squeezing the hell out of his loved one. Seokjin said that he wouldnt mind having a chubby partner (also since we are here let's talk about his -lowkey- kink with food play). Taehyung is really observant I think that he would absolutely be watching your ass and thighs giggle, he is 100% in love with abundance (can we blame him tho??).
Namjoon and Jungkook: they seem like they wouldn't be specifically after a chubby person but once they like them they'll be head over hills about their curves. Namjoon probably being an ass man and Jungkook loving thighs ( insert him loving Rm thighs, again can we blame him??)
Hoseok and Jimin: They strike me as someone who would prefer a petite partner just because of their dance background and height. Obviously if they like you, you'll be beautiful in their eyes. The perfect combo would be thick and short.
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namunad · 4 years ago
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SKIN
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Summary: Jimin discovers that he has a thing for fabbrics on your plump body and what was intended to be a fun night made you both explore his kink (Clothing fetishism: being sexually attracted to some fabrics)
Warnings: soft dom! Jimin, sub! chubby reader, marking, oral ( f and m receiving), size kink, face fucking, light slapping clit & face, a bit of cock warming, unprotected sex (please use condoms lol), creampie, the tiniest bit of cum play and lots of love :)
Word count: 2.4k
It was a normal weekend when Jimin discovered his bizarre interest for fabbrics. He was curled up against you while you were watching a film. It was a typical night until Jimins fingers indulged on the silky fabric of your top. At the begging he didn't think much of it, he liked the feeling of silk on his hands nothing more, as his finger tips were traveling up and down your curves he started to indulge on that sensation. Craving for it. Slowly but surely he started to get hard only by touching a silky tank top and feeling your soft body under.
That night he had a cold shower and contemplated his decisions in life. Jimin had always appreciated sex and the complexity of his partner's kinks and his, but he had never tought about something so extravagant. Here he was, turned on by different fabrics on your plush body that made everything so tasteful and aphrodisiac.
His problem was becoming worse and worse day by day, every time he would see you in silk, leather or fur he craved to touch you. He could feel the softness of you under those beautiful fabrics, just waiting to be ravished.
Jimin decided that he wouldn't bother you with his new discovery. After all he was a giver and always put your pleasure first, but that plan got quickly thrown away when he found you after a stressful day on his bed in pretty lilac lingerie and a long feathered boa.
You were a confident woman, so to make at ease your man who seemed a little stressed and out of it, having amazing sex seemed like the best way to satisfy him. You had tought about a lap dance with purple lights and lots of props.
Before you could even explain what this night was about him he lounged forward, grabbing your hips while his thumbs kept swiping over your lacy panties. Jimins mouth was a gift from god devouring your skin like it was honey, you knew tomorrow you would be all bruised. And you loved the thought of it.
"Pretty" he kept kissing your neck and face "so so pretty". His plump lips doing all the work on your skin, trailing to find your open mouth. Kissing like a hungry man his hands kept traveling on your body grabbing everything that he could. Every roll, every fullness, every strechmark, everything. The only sounds that could be heard were your whimpers, his grunts and the wet meeting of mouths.
Jimin was a pretty vocal man, always asking what you wanted and always showering you with dirty remarks. Today was different, while his mouth kept working wonders he seemed to indulge more than what was needed in kissing your covered nipples. Sucking and biting like he was a starved man, Jimin didn't want to let go of you with his arms getting tighter and tighter on your torso pushing you against him more.
Whimpering you tried to unclip your bra to have his full attention on the erect buds. As you were getting up to undress your self, he pushed you against the bed and kept kissing you covered mounds while playing with the feathers. Eyes dark and hungry, he started to get in between your legs giving open mouth kisses on your big thighs.
"J-Jimin, can I please take these off" being used to his playful dominant side, you thought that he just wanted to make you wait for it, maybe beg for it.
"Why? You don't like it?" He seemed taken away from your request, both your eyes glossy with desire panting while waiting to consume your love "If you don't like it, it's okay we won't do it"
"Do what Jimmie?" he furrowed his brows and shook his head
"Nothing, I just tought that you in lace and all this feathers was your way of telling me that my kink is okay" he said while biting mindlessly his bottom lip. In that moment it clicked all his weird behavior, his compliments on your clothing, the continous touching. You understood him, but before you could show him your appreciation he talked again.
"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Let me help you to get these off" he said with a nervous smile while tugging on you panties. Your hand pushed his off of the piece of clothing while taking hold of his face to kiss him deeply.
"I need you so bad baby" you mumbled between deep breathed "Please" you paused sounding desperate "please touch me and use me as you like". This was enough for Jimin to get back to his work between you legs and suck your covered clit with full force.
His finger curling on the material to drag it to the side " look at this pretty pussy" his gaze was fixed on your plump cunt drinking it in. "Are you this wet for me?" not giving you time to reply a loud slap on your clit ecoed trough the room, before you would even process what was happening there was another one. More powerful and quick, it made you jump from sensitivity.
"It's all for you Jimin, ahhh!" His nails pressed on your soft tummy quickly reminded you to stay at your place while he worked his magic. And god, was he a magician. While one hand was holding the material of the panties the other was discovering the depths of your body, sliding at a fast pace in and out of it. Jimins theeth kept playing with the sensitive bundle of nerves while the pads of his fingers found the part that made your toes curl, bringing you in no time to your orgasm.
"Jimminie, I'm gonna c-" your voices died followed up by a loud whine, your eyes that had been close savoring the moment were now wide open staring at a grinning Jimin. He had just denied you an orgasm, and he seemed like the happiest man alive.
"Baby doll, today you can only cum on my dick" his voice muffled while his face was pressed against the expensive lingerie. Savoring the feeling of the fabbric against his smooth cheeck "hmm, is that good?" you nodded under his predatory gaze
"Can you show me what that pretty mouth can do?" His fingers leaving your skin fo find a new warm and wet home.
"Suck my fingers baby" needless to say that you sucked on those fingers like your life depended on it, moaning and whimpering from tasting yourself. With lust filled eyes he started to push you on you knees, positioning you between his thick muscular thighs. Spreading his legs wide enought to fit your wonderful figure in it.
His wet fingers left your mouth, and gently slapped your cheeck. With enough force to make you open your mouth wide for him. He chuckled, still completley dressed while laying on his elbows. Jimin is illegal, no questions about that. He was born to sin with that beautiful body of his, that amazing full mouth and that lustful gaze.
"Take everything off baby" feeling tiny under him you bit your trembling lip, while your hands traveled under his shirt feeling the toned muscle. Pushing his shirt you were met by his bronzer skin which was smooth under your hands, you gently grazed against his nipples making him moan under his breath.
With shaking fingers you started to open his fly and helping him out of his jeans and then his boxers. His cock sprung and bounced against his toned stomach making your mouth water from need. You could feel the heaviness of that monstrous being on your tongue, the angry red tip already leaking a bit of precum.
His dick never failed to amaze you, Jimin was undoubtedly a well endowded man. Staring for what seems like ages you were reminded by a rough tug on your scalp to get to work.
Instantly you started to squirm and press your thighs together searching for relief. Your lips found their way around his thick dick, sucking the tip like it was the most delicious thing on earth. And truthfully it was. You kept reminding your self to keep you jaw relaxed, just to be able to take a bit more than half of him.
Jimin was in heaven the moment the warm muscle started to envelope his shaft. Not only stunning you were also good like no one else at giving him head. Always working your best to satisfy him and boy was he satisfied.
"Kitten, open wider" obedient as you were your lips parted as wide as they could waiting for his next command "I'm gonna fuck this little and tight mouth of yours" You nodded with your tongue already out for him " and your gonna take it all, because your such a good girl, yeah" his fingers brushing your hair gently while his other hand was pumping himself.
Not even a minute after he was pushing his dick on your wet caven, his hips moving quickly running after his pleasure and desire. Jimin loved the way you would look at him with teary eyes always taking whatever he gave you.
Being manhandled made you wetter than a river, making you feel you slick coating your inner thighsand ache to be touched. He was pushing your head making you gag around him and brush your nose against his pubic hair. Feeling like you couldn't breathe you started tapping on his thigh a bit overwhelmed.
"Are you okay Love?"Jimin quickly let go of you, taking hold of your face in search of any pain in your eyes. "I'm so sorry sweet pea, I got carried away. If you want to stop we can take a bath and relax"
"I'm not hurt it was just a little bit hard to breath" you reassured him "I dont know about you but I'm still feeling horny maybe I should just go and pleasure myself" you said laughing at your boyfriend for being the most caring person on earth
"Little one that mouth is going to get you in big trubles one day" his expressions serene seeing that you were okay and able to crack jokes "come up here pretty lady" he didn't need to repeat himself because you were instantly straddling him.
Your thighs squished at his sides seemed like the most erotic sight he had ever seen. Pushing to the side your underwear he made you sink on him. The stretch being so good that you almost started crying. Moaning at the full feeling you pressed your forehead on his big shoulders while his arms hugged you closer. Needing relief you started to move but his hands quickly reminded you to stay still.
"I thought that maybe a little bit of a pause was needed" he said while his teeth sinked on your collarbone, nibbling on the soft flesh " Have I told you that you're the most gorgeous and ravishing woman I've ever been with?"
You chuckled " always Jimin, always" . The first time you met him, hell even the first few months of you two dating, you thought that you didn't deserve him, that maybe you were too big for him, that he was way more beautiful than you. But as they day passed he made you fall in love with yourself first and then him. Jimin made you understand that you deserved him as much as he deserved you "and have I told you that I love you?"
It was his time to laugh, throwing is head back exposing his slender neck. Giving you just enough space to start sucking on the delicate skin. This was enough for him to grab your curves and start moving inside you at a slow pace. His hips rolled slowly but precisely, hitting every right spot in you. His hands moved grabbing the feathered boa and starting to wrap it on your waist, the feathers lightly tickling you adding more intensity to the whole thing.
Once he tied the boa he flipped you both, hovering over you as he plunged his dick deeper than he had ever been. His mouth finding yours with full force and passion. The kiss was more sloppy than intended and had strings of saliva once you parted but it left the both of you extremely excited.
After more powerful thrusts he got on his knees grabbing your legs and pulling you by your thighs, alling himself with your entrance he started collect your juices whit his tip. "Baby you need to beg for it" he said smirking at your needy eyes. Slapping his cock on your sensitive covered clit your mouth trembled under his dominant nature
"Please" you screamed "please let me cum" he cocked his brow staying still "please Jimmie" you whispered.
Jimin decided that it was enough teasing, he took hold of the boa on your waist and started dragging at a fast pace his dick against your walls. Your panties digging on your sensite bud giving you delightful friction.
"Fuck J-Jimin, you're so fucking good" you mumbled while getting your pussy absolutely wrecked by the love of your life. His hands grapping the cups of your bra and pulling them down exposing your chest for him. Suddenly his mouth was on your sensitive nipples neglected this whole time and it was all that you needed to come. Spasming around his girth while crying out loud one of your most powerful orgasms. Your vision going temporarily black overwhelmed by him.
Jimin in the meantime was watching what seemed like the most perfect creature on earth come undone. Your tits bouncing at his thrusts, screw that your whole body moving so beautifully that if he wasn't chasing his own release he would've started crying.
"Just like that Baby" he kept repeating "such a good girl for me, mhh?" the soft praise making you clench in your post orgasmic awe. Minutes after you Jimin came, and he came a lot. More than what he had ever done in his life, and he blamed it on you and his new found kink. Thick ropes of cum painted your insides, giving you a primal sense of belonging. Like this was your home.
He quickly pulled out, and parted your lower lips watching his release gush out of you. Jimin quickly collected it and started lazily started drawing on your tummy " Maybe one day, here will lie our son or daughter" you lazily smiled at his dreamy state working your fingers through his hair.
Looking at each other, sweaty and with the glow of after sex. You both found yourself thinking about how much you loved each other.
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