#so i hope people see the bonus one too!
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rewrite erik as the red death- 2024 / 2022! ;)
bonus:
#the new design is so much better! :D#more red but hey it's in the name! ;)#the only thing that's better about the old one (besides the claw hand!) is the feather#it was tough to draw this time around! :o#but the skirt looks so much better! :D#the skull mask also didn't change! ;)#poto rewritten#edit: i added the regular face to show how much more expressive erik is! :D#it usually takes hours for people to notice so i thought i could get away with editing but...#so i hope people see the bonus one too!
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Also i know its not a race and theres no rush but sometimes i wish i was a little faster at finishing art
#its an insecurity of mine#ah! maybe this ties into my completion anxiety issue#i get nervous and stuff thinking ah i m taking too long on this. no one wants to see this anymore#sort of thing#i dont compare us but my gf is so so so prolific her popularity is well deserved and earned#im not looking for a big following or to use my work as clout#i just want to share it#but like everyone who creates ofc i have my doubts and disappointment when the stuff i worked hard on doesnât necessarily reach the#intended or assumed interaction level i had expected#but i dont dwell on it i just move on and hope i do better next time bc algorithms are cruel#like I definitely get disappointed or disheartened#but i think about it accept it and continue because i still at the core of it all love the ability to create and its just a bonus that i#i can share it with like minded people
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Oh boy!! A chance for me to yap about gender at length?!?!!?!? DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [See tags for details. But be warned... I Popped the Fuck OFF writing this one, it's a doozy!]
Sorry if this is rude, but how do you identify? I looked around a bit and couldn't find anything, my apologies
Not rude! Honestly, I don't know these days! Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. Maybe this is too much, but also maybe saying something instead of keeping it inside will be helpful... I'll put my gender thoughts under the cut... maybe someone can relate and offer some thoughts lol:
Recently, I came to the conclusion that I'm really not attracted to men at all, and maybe, I never have been. Looking back, I can kind of clearly see that any crush on a guy I thought I had was more like "wow, this person is COOL as HELL. I hope we can be really good friends." And then I noticed, that any crush I had on a girl felt... different. The feeling was totally different, and it still is. Have you noticed how most of the men I draw are quite feminine? I also have no idea what's going on with my gender. I know I'm me, a Yugo, I also can't comfortably say what exactly I am. Though by technicality, I am nonbinary, the word doesn't feel QUITE right to use for me. Maybe genderqueer is better. I've never identified as a man, but I have identified as transmasc and taken T. I really do like the results I've gotten from that. But at the same time, I don't really feel close to "manhood" at all, but something about having a mustache sometimes, like I tend to do, feels right to me still. I also like to wear lipstick and stuff. I don't know. I'm also not a "woman" I don't think, but I identify with more... I don't know, masculine expressions of womanhood if that makes sense? I am very androgynous in expression, in short. So basically I don't know what the hell is going on. All I know is I love women LOL. Can anyone relate to any of this? Any ideas?? I will not be offended by any assumptions you might have lol. Maybe I should just make a comic about this.
#gotta say that I MASSIVELY resonate with this post#I've been finding value in taking steps back and looking at gender from the bottom-up (rather than top-down)#seeing what bits and bobs of presentation I like and what I dont. vs picking a sort of ''gender north'' and trying to guide myself to that#(like. yknow. magnetic north. I mightve phrased that oddly)#admittedly it's a bit of a slog! turns out you can't just think your gender into existence!! who knew!!!#so far the gender I'm running with is ''Roger Rabbit rules'': whatever's funniest! (with a hefty sprinkling of dykey-futch. for flavor.)#the way I see it; gender is a dialectic construct--it only exists in-between people. only in the third person!#after all! if it's just yourself in a void there's no need for pronouns or even names!#and even with a second person in the equation the most you'd need is ''me/my'' ''you/your'' or ''us/ours''#so when ya think about gender as a *tool* rather than a *role* things start to go topsy-turvy (in the useful way) and limits become options#all that's left is to ask what kinda tool fits which kinds of job!#for me that's led to my gender-tool becoming some manner of a joke; I want my tool to help me do sillyness and bring people joy!!#(and maybe sometimes it's a dirty joke. or a gallows joke. or a teasing joke. or an outright mean joke. or plain ol' slapstick!)#so when I find someone who seems like they have a good joke (or at least a good sense of humor) I take some notes to help improve my routine#and maybe it's not always time for wacky. sometimes ya just need to play the straight man (sometimes too literally...)#but I definitely need to watch my ESRB rating around kids. and usually old grouches too.#and for some reason people get mad when I bring up The Twin Towers or The Alamo!! *pats chest-bits and hip-bit in rhythm while saying that*#eyyy hahahaaa badabing!!! >;3#and finally; it's important to keep in mind how closely linked comedy and romance/sexuality/etc are. very close but still distinct concepts.#the most frequent question I ask myself when interacting with a cutie is; ''do I like their comedy or the comedian?''#either/both of which is a good answer! and often it's hard to separate the two!#I hope this helps whoever reads it. or was amusing at least.#I had fun writing all this! It's something I frequently think about and always delight in talking about#if it means anything to anyone then that's an absolute bonus! but otherwise I'm happy to get it out in writing.#anyways. I'm going back to doing studies of Inspekta! one of VERY few men to strike me genderously. he's so shapes :3#(though fuck knows that the whole damn GROVE is full of some absolutely *choice* GenderFood)
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I want to see all the carnival AU bios again, but finding Zooble's is too hard, even when using the search. I hope there's a more organized way to view them.
(Trying to come up with nicknames that said characters would give my characters.)
CARNIVAL AU MASTERPOST + BOUNDARIES
Augh... I never know how to organize stuff! But here is a mini master post of the TADC Info Cards (edited):
The Main Cast (Minus Zooble :C)
Zooble ( Plus Zooble!!! :3)
Shiny Cards âš
Lesser AI
THE GLOINKS!!!
Level layout
OFFICIAL COMIC:
The Entire Comic has also been dubbed by @volticglitch !! If you're not a reader, You can watch their dubs instead!! Here is the dub
Your best friend!
Jesterly duties
The hallway
Crying
First clue
Special event!
Foul language - a silly
Excuse me?
Leave!
A word with Bubble
Let it Settle
CONCEPT ART:
Characters Relationship Chart ( Bonus, OC relationship Chart!)
The Tent
The Funhouse
Cutscene
Pomni expressions
Character design
Meet Pomni
ALT character skins (Bonus, Maid skins because of course I did)
Pomni expressions AGAIN!!! (and a bonus)
The Jester's Circus tent (and a bonus)
References
Shape language ramble
LOREEE:
Neck pieces
Neck pieces (prt 2)
Neck pieces (prt 3)
Silly Frilly
Toxic Positivity Duo
Quick Ragatha Doodle
The Rabbit
Non-sentient Pomni
Pity Laugh
First act of violence
First and only visit
DOODLE DUMPS:
First look
Meet Jax
Meet Ragatha
Meet Kinger
Meet Able
Zooble's room
Theatre shinanigans
Thanks for listening
Jax Doodles
Ragatha doodles (Feat. Kaufmo)
Caine doodles
Queenie?
Colored doodles
Eye popping
Jax Ko-fi request!
SILLIES!!:
The "Sillies!!" Section is moved HERE becuase the mastpost couldn't take any more links!
âââ ââąÂ°âBOUNDERIES/FAQâ°âąâ âââ
"Can I make OCs In Carnival?" - Yess!! Multiple people already have and they make me so happy! do whatever, as long as you're happy and having fun!! " Can I make NSFW?" - Yas and slay, just be sure to warn and spoiler it, etc. etc. be responsible when posting NSFW! " Can I make Fanfics?" - Yes and please show me!! that would be lovely!! " Can I dub/voice your stuff?" - Yes but, I have only one rule... show me pleaaasseeee pls pls pls đ„șđ " Can I ship the characters/self ships/ OC x Canon?" - Aughh.. this is gonna suck to explain cuz its a lot to ask.. You're allowed to ship any ship! My only boundary is that it doesn't include either Pomni or Caine being with others who are not eachother! For example: Ragatha x Jax â
Pomni x Jaxâ Kinger x Queenieâ
Kinger x Caineâ As long as the ship does not include Pomni or Caine individually, I'm all aboard!! I respect Jax x Pomni shippers, as well as Kinger x caine shippers, I just don't like them myself and don't want to accidentally stumble upon them in the tag! I do apologize if that's a lot, it just makes me uncomfy! Bounderies can be very tight! :')
#The amazing digital circus#the amazing digital carnival#carnival au#pomni#caine#zooble#gangle#kinger#Ragatha#Jax#tadc#tadc fanart#the amazing digital circus fanart#queenie#kaufmo#able
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ocean view
member â junhui x f reader genre â romance, smut, strangers to lovers, soulmate au word count â 8.8k synopsis â an all expenses paid trip to greece for your friend's wedding seems too good to be true, but it gets even better when you meet a handsome stranger on the beach. with the help of a mysterious old lady, her magic deck of tarot cards, and one too many coincidences, you're starting to believe things really do happen for a reason. warnings â descriptions of female anatomy, unprotected sex, fingering, marking, an oddly romantic one night stand, mentions of past hookups, reader wears dresses, way too much yearning, happy ending ! notes â my part for the @svthub world tour collab; check out the masterlist here! thanks to @multi-kpop-fanfics for answering all my questions and the biggest thanks ever to @onlymingyus for proofreading & helping me brainstorm throughout !! inspired mostly by the spell mv but also a little bit from nana tour and in the soop bc of the vacation vibes. disclaimer i know nothing about tarot but i did a ton of research so i hope that part makes sense anyway :) this fic was a huge challenge to write so please please reblog if you enjoyed reading, the feedback is super appreciated and it helps me keep writing!! read bonus material here!
they say time flies when youâre having fun.
it felt like just days ago when your best friend had announced she was flying everyone to athens for her destination wedding. between helping prepare for the wedding and getting yourself packed for the trip of a lifetime, a weekend on the beach sounded like exactly what you needed to unwind.
but now that youâre here, youâve quickly realized that your dreams of lazy spa days, massages, and lounging on chairs in the sand with cocktails arenât on your friendâs itinerary.
what is on her itinerary, however? clubs. lots of clubs, and bars, and raves.
the night before the wedding, youâd showed up at the place you had all planned to meet at for her bachelorette party, a popular bar right on the beach in the center of everything. you hadnât been sure what to expect, so youâd worn your swimsuit underneath your sundress just in case. between wedding plans and jet lag, you hadnât yet had the chance to explore the beaches, and you werenât about to let your favorite white strappy one-piece go to waste without wearing it the whole trip; especially not when youâre surrounded by gorgeous clear waters you donât get to see while youâre at home.
you tug at your dress a little awkwardly, a simple off-white piece with buttons all down the front. cute and casual, the perfect thing for an evening on the beach. except an evening on the beach is not what youâre getting.
ânext round is on me!â
all the girls let out a cheer, clapping and whooping as they raise their glasses. youâre still not even halfway through your first drink; the night is young, but your friends are more enthusiastic partygoers than you are.
you lean away to check the time on your phone, trying not to feel defeated when you see how early it still is. youâve been trying to hype yourself up for tonight all weekend, but it doesnât help that your friends are bigger partiers than you. that isnât to say that you dislike parties, or that you never go out; but parties like this, huge events with hundreds of people packed into a small space with loud music and flashing lights, arenât really your ideal way to spend a saturday night. even for such a special, rare occasion like a bachelorette party in another country, you canât bring yourself to get lost in the scene. you shouldâve known how this would go, and yet here you are, standing at a cocktail table by yourself surrounded by drunk women.
you turn back around and suddenly the bar is a sea of unfamiliar faces, everyone around you lost in their own worlds jumping and dancing to the music that booms from the speakers. you stand up on your tiptoes to see above the crowd, trying to push your way through in search of someone you recognize, but it seems like theyâve all vanished.
the pounding of the music is starting to give you a headache, so you down the last of your drink and head away from the bar, pushing past people until the crowd eventually starts to thin and you break out into the open air.
itâs still light outside, but the contrast from the darkened bar makes it feel like stepping into another world. the noise gets quieter the farther away you move, and you find your feet carrying themselves down the beach. you walk backwards, turning to look over your shoulder one more time to see if you can spot your friends, but all you see is a crowd full of strangers.
itâs easier to breathe out here, feeling the freshness of the ocean breeze and the salty air in your lungs as you get further and further from the people and the businesses. you turn around again and almost run straight into a man walking from the opposite direction, and you stumble into his arms before you realize whatâs happening. you let out a little squeak in surprise and jump backwards, almost tripping over your own feet but his hand instinctively shoots around your waist to help keep you upright.
your cheeks burn with embarrassment, an apology already ready on your lips, but he beats you to it. âsorry,â he says with a shy laugh, slowly letting go of you and offering his hand for balance as you slip your sandal back on that had come off. he steps back and gives you a polite smile, trying to move out of your way. âyou look like youâve got somewhere to be.â
âthe opposite, actually. escaping my friend's bachelorette party," you explain.Â
"we're in the same boat, then," he chuckles, tucking his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "trying to ditch the bachelor party. itâs a popular place for weddings, huh?â
âseems like it.â you hum, turning to look out over the water. the setting sun glints off the surface, a clear and bright sparkling blue, and you lift your hand to keep the glare out of your eyes. âi just didnât think itâd be soâŠâ
ââŠhectic?â he asks, and you laugh a little.
"yeah, you could say that.â a warm breeze ruffles through your sundress, and you cross your arms over your chest. âi guess all weddings are like that, though.â
he nods, following your gaze off into the horizon. you go quiet, listening to the music still loud in the distance and the sound of seagulls cawing above your heads. "i was hoping to get a chance to explore more of the beaches while i'm here. i donât get to see it often."
"wanna go for a walk?â you ask suddenly, uncrossing your arms. maybe itâs the fresh air of a new place, maybe itâs the comfort of finding another person wanting to get away from it all, but some part of you wants to stay here and find out. youâd wanted to see more of the landscape anyway, and now seems like as good a time as any, especially now that youâve got company.
he looks over at you, judging your expression before his face softens. âthat sounds perfect.â
itâs still early enough that the beach is still mostly full of tourists, adults lounging on towels while reading books and kids splashing water at each other and playing in the sand. you walk further down the beach, passing in front of a grey haired old woman sitting cross-legged on a towel, shuffling a deck of cards in her wrinkled hands.
"always lovely to see couples enjoying the islands,â she calls out to you. thereâs an almost rhythmic lilt to her voice, and itâs so sudden that it makes both of you pause and turn around, having paid her no mind as you walked past before. she gestures down at the deck and you finally notice that sheâs holding a set of tarot cards, a deep matte black that seems to glitter and sparkle even while shadowed. âwould you like a reading?â
your cheeks start to warm, and you push down the butterflies that flutter to life when she assumes youâre together. "oh, no, we're notââ
"sure," jun says over you, and you sneak a glance up at him when you think he's not looking. "how much?"
she clucks her teeth and shakes her head, staring directly at you although sheâs answering his question. "no, no, no, my dear. just offering a bit of friendly advice. wonât cost you a thing."
jun nods, but she seems like sheâs waiting for your answer so you quickly nod, too. âokay. what⊠do we have to do?â
she places her palms over the deck and closes her eyes, falling silent. you stand in front of her, feeling a little awkward to be hovering over her like this, but she itâs like she doesnât even notice. you share a look with jun, but after a beat he grabs your hand and grins as if to say, just go along with it.
her eyes suddenly fly open and she seems pleased with whatever she was doing. âi knew i could feel it,â she says cryptically as she begins shuffling the cards. âbut letâs just see what fate has to say about it.â
she stops and pulls the top two cards from the deck, placing them face down on the towel as she motions at them with her hand. at her signal, jun bends forward and turns over one of the cards, reading it aloud. âace of cups.â
âace of cups,â she repeats. âan invitation. the open, uninhibited flow of emotions, creativity, and love; the awakening of your spirit. this is a new beginning for you, the start of a new season. trust yourself and your feelings, and embrace the opportunity to grow with your emotions.â
jun nods seriously like heâs taking in her words, but you can see the hint of a smile at the corner of his lips that heâs trying to suppress.
she looks at you expectantly, and you hesitate before realizing sheâs waiting for you to flip over the second card. you cheeks heat as you read it, but you try not to let it show. âthe⊠lovers?â
she smiles, and although her face looks kind you have a sense that thereâs something sheâs not telling. âthe lovers,â she says, almost solemnly. âmany people think this card is strictly about romance. and in some ways it is, but what it really represents is a choice. two diverging paths, two responsibilities. will you choose with your head, or with your heart?â
she stares at you for another moment, then looks back at jun. you both stay quiet and still, subconsciously hanging on her every word as she pauses, clearly having more to say. âhaving these two cards come up together⊠now, thatâs fascinating for you two, isnât it?â
you find yourself nodding silently, although you have no idea why. you feel junâs hand in yours, warm and soft and grounding, and the smallest shiver runs down your spine.
âthe lovers and the ace of cups are the potential for new beginnings and the fulfillment that comes with following your heart,â she says, her eyes locked with yours. âthis is a very powerful and meaningful connection, but only if you make the choice that is most heartfelt. you must be willing to be your most authentic self and hold nothing back. keep your eyes open, and you will be rewarded with profound joy and happiness.â
immediately you turn to look at jun to see his reaction. he looks just as confusedâbut is that a hint of excitement in his eyes?âas you do. the womanâs words are⊠cryptic, to say the least, but it stirs up a feeling of excitement in the back of your mind that youâre trying to ignore. it probably doesnât mean what you think it does, right?
"hey, wait, so what doesââ
you turn back to look at the woman for another explanation, but there's no one there. the beach is empty except for you and jun and the slowly setting sun, a few boats tied up at the dock. youâve walked so far down the beach that even the distant music has faded into obscurity and youâre left standing alone together, surrounded by nothing but the sounds of the waves. even the wind has died down, and it feels eerily quiet but in an almost comforting sort of way, to be alone together in a place like this.
"you believe in that kind of stuff?" you ask curiously as jun starts to walk away.
"mm⊠not really. but she seemed like a lonely old lady. i thought it'd make her day." he looks down at your entwined hands and squeezes lightly, almost teasing as you look up and see the grin on his face. "why, do you?"
you can't help the butterflies that instantly flutter to life in your stomach when you feel his warm hand in yours, but you shrug. "why not?"
jun doesn't reply, just nodding thoughtfully as you continue to walk hand in hand.Â
with the way the atmosphere has suddenly changed, it feels like time has stopped as you meander your way along the edge of the water. you chat off and on with jun, but thereâs a hefty amount of silence that neither one of you feels obligated to fill. talking to jun feels like talking to an old friend, and maybe itâs the beautiful scenery or maybe itâs the way both of you had found yourselves here looking for company.
after a while you come to a stop just below the rocks where youâd started. your footprints from where youâd run into each other are still visible, little indents in the damp sand, and it reminds you of what you were running away from in the first place. maybe you donât want to run anymore.Â
"wellâŠâ jun says, inhaling slowly. "we should get you back to your friends. i'm sure they're looking for you."
"would it be so bad if i said i didn't want to find them?"
he pauses to gauge your reaction, and you donât miss the flicker in his eyes as he looks at you. after a moment nods and points up the shallow cliffs, towards a little stone staircase worn down from years of being travelled on. "my hotel is just up there. if⊠if you wanted to stay a little longer? with me?"
you pull your lip between your teeth, looking up at him and the way the fading sunlight shines through his soft brown waves, and it only takes a second to make your decision. âiâd really like that.âÂ
it turns out that missing out on your friendâs party for a few more hours is an easy price to pay for more time with jun.
the door of his hotel room barely has time to shut before your hands are on each other. you tug him closer by shirt with an eagerness you rarely allow yourself and he immediately reciprocates, pulling you by the waist until youâre pressed chest to chest.
his hand skims over your collarbone towards your neck, and you shiver at the warmth of his fingers caressing the side of your jaw. he angles your chin upwards and leans in as you meet him halfway and your lips finally touch, a low sound escaping from your throat as his nose brushes your cheek.
he makes a soft noise as he inhales, deepening the kiss until you feel your knees go weak. his hand cups your jaw harder, trying to draw you further into him, unwilling to break apart. he kisses you so softly yet you can still feel the intensity behind every movement of his lips, exploring your mouth with a gentleness that feels more natural than anyone youâve ever kissed before.
jun curls his arm around you tighter, and youâre sure he can hear how fast your heart is beating as he kisses you again and again until youâre breathless. you slide your hands away from his chest and start to undo the buttons at the front of your dress, but he stops you. you look up and meet his gaze as his hand on your cheek moves to wrap around your waist, carefully walking you backwards until the backs of your knees hit the bed and you let yourself fall back onto it.
he lets out a quiet groan as you pull him down with you, landing on top of you and catching himself on his forearms beside your head. his face is inches away from yours, staring into your eyes for a beat before he presses down to capture your lips again.
his kisses feel like magic, and you almost forget exactly what youâre here to do. youâd be content to spend hours with his lips on yours and nothing else, but youâre quickly pulled away from it when he sits back and starts to slide his hands down your body, his nimble fingers skillfully undoing the buttons of your dress one by one.
he pulls the fabric away and lets it fall to the floor before leaning to kiss you again, and a grateful sigh slips from your lips at his touch. your fingers tug at his shirt and he breaks away once more to quickly pull it off over his head, tossing it behind him without a second thought.
your hands slide earnestly across his body, your fingertips trailing down his torso and the deep lines of his abs. his fingers brush over your swimsuit in tandem, tracing the cutouts of the fabric where your skin is visible and making you prickle with goosebumps at his touch.
he seems equally as content to just continue doing this, but eventually his hands make their way upwards and gently slip the straps off your shoulders. he doesn't move any further than that, waiting for you to move instead, his fingers resting at the base of your neck just beneath your chin.Â
you follow his actions and shimmy the suit down, letting it bunch up at your hips. only then does he finally break apart from you, moving his mouth down to your exposed breast and letting his tongue glide over your peaked nipple. your skin tastes like salt and sweat, like sunny days and warm breezy nights, and he can't get enough of you.
the first moan you let out is like music to his ears, and immediately he craves more of them. he wraps his mouth around your other nipple while keeping his hands attached to your body like magnets, desperate to be the one to draw more of those pretty noises from your lips.
you lift your hips just a little and he quickly gets the hint, wordlessly pushing his fingers between your skin and the fabric of your swimsuit before tugging it all the way off. he pulls it down your legs and you help him kick it away, leaving you completely bare beneath him.
your hands slide across his shoulders and up the back of his neck, tangling in his hair with another moan that sends a shiver down his spine. you canât help but roll your hips upwards against his body, squirming for more friction as your nails scratch at his scalp.
his face stays buried in your chest for a long time, moving between your breasts and planting wet kisses all along your skin. your head is spinning at the sight of this gorgeous man working his magic on your body, his hands wandering up and down with a tender purpose. you don't even know his name but you already know you're gonna be thinking about this night for months, probably even years. you're shocked at how good he is at this; there's a melancholy feeling looming in the back of your mind, knowing that this is probably the first and only night youâll get to spend with him, but you don't have time to focus on that when you have the tingly feeling in your stomach to focus on instead.
despite not saying anything aloud you can tell exactly what he wants from you, and something about how easy this is sends a feeling of relief through you. all of the mistakes of your past hookups feel like a distant memory. thereâs none of the empty conversations meant to do nothing more than fill the silence and the awkward, tentative movements that youâve become accustomed to from strangers who arenât familiar with your body.Â
but something about the way jun touches you does feel familiar, like youâve been waiting all your life for it, for him. his silence, something that most of your partners in the past had fought so hard to avoid, now only leaves more room for you to enjoy the sounds that often go overlooked: the wet hum as his lips connect with your skin, the distant crash of waves outside the window, the quiet whir of the ceiling fan.
jun leans down and kisses you again, shifting on top of you as his hand wanders down your hips. you pull him closer and let your hand travel a similar path, and you bite your lip in excitement when your fingers skim over the bulge straining against his shorts.
he lets out a strangled noise almost like a whimper at the contact but the sound only encourages you to add more pressure, soaking in his reactions. he whines again, pushing his hips into your hand and exhaling a shaky breath as you continue to palm him, feeling the hard outline of his cock as he struggles to keep his composure.
his knee is against your thigh and he repositions himself to press it higher between your legs, returning the favor and giving you something to grind on. instinctively your legs widen a little to give him easier access, and he rewards you with another hot, messy kiss.
you groan at the feeling, pushing your hips down towards him and rubbing yourself on him. itâs a little rough at first, but youâre already so wet that it doesnât take long before his knee is coated in your arousal and you slide along him easily.Â
after a minute he pulls back just an inch, giving you room to breathe, but one hand is still on your hip and the other curled behind you to support your neck. âgood?â he asks breathlessly, and even though itâs clear as day that youâre enjoying this as much as he is, you still nod and give him an encouraging smile, and he returns it with a smile of his own. âjust let me know,â he says, and the sultry yet sweet tone of his voice makes your heart skip a beat.
at your approval his hand begins to wander again, trailing over the top of your thigh. his finger slowly make their way down and you shiver, your hand stilled against his abdomen as you anticipate his next move.
you take this moment to get a good look at him; youâd been too shy to stare earlier on the beach, unsure how things were going to go. but now that heâs on top of you, shirtless and obviously just as eager as you are, you let your gaze roam unabashedly across his body. your eyes glide over his torso, the hollow slope of his collarbones and his hardened nipples, the deep-set grooves of his abs and the faint lines of his ribs beneath his skin. you want to reach out to touch him and run your hands over every inch of him, but youâre trying to be patient. and although you know your time here is limited, it seems like jun is only just getting started.
his fingers finally make it to your inner thighs, tracing the area around your pussy, but itâs still not close enough for your liking. you wiggle a little to try and encourage him, whining softly and letting out a little plea. his lips quirk up and he nods, his grip on the back of your neck tensing and tangling in your hair.Â
his fingers finally brush against your entrance and you gasp, writhing at how gentle his touch is. he dips his middle finger into your heat before pulling it back out, trailing upwards to your clit to circle it for a moment before heading back down and repeating the process. itâs barely enough, yet it leaves you breathless almost instantly.
heâs staring down between your legs with an intense focus, spreading your arousal around before sinking back into you for more. and just when you think you canât take it anymore, he pushes his finger in deeper, holding it still for a second even though youâve already adjusted to it. he waits until you start moving, arching your back and trying to get him to go further, before he adds his ring finger and begins slowly thrusting both fingers in and out together.
you whimper and curse under your breath, trying to roll your hips to match his rhythm. he starts to curl his knuckles and you swear you see stars, despite the fact that heâs barely moving at all.
after a moment when youâve regained the ability to breathe normally again you start to move your hand back against his bulge, shaky fingers dipping beneath the waistband of his shorts. you wrap your hand around him and your eyes widen at the thickness, the heavy weight of him in your hand and how youâre sure he must be aching by now. you feel the way his cock jerks when you squeeze ever so slightly, his fingers inside you freezing for a split second as his brain tries to process before he plunges them in even deeper, curling into you with even more fervor than before.
you hold him tighter and run your thumb over his tip, swollen and leaking with precum. he gets a little noisier with every move you make, unable to contain the pleasure he gets even from this. even the smallest touches from each other have both of you on edge in a way youâve never felt before, drawn to each other like no one youâve ever had before.
his clothes in the way are starting to frustrate you, so after another second you release his cock and move your hand up to the waistband of his shorts instead, trying to tug them down but itâs difficult from the position youâre both laying in.
âplease,â you pant out desperately after having little success, and he obliges, pushing his shorts away as fast as possible before resuming his motions. heâs still almost completely ignoring himself as he continues to focus on you and only you, and his complete devotion gives you another boost of confidence.
now freed, his hard cock slaps against your thigh and you moan happily at finally being able to see all of him. it looks even better than it felt, thick veins bulging out across his length and his tip flushed a deep red. you wrap your hand around him once more, flicking your wrist as you start to jerk up and down.
his fingers curl upwards to massage the spot that makes your eyes roll back, and if you had any functioning thoughts left you wouldâve marvelled at the fact that he was able to find it so easily, but youâre too busy arching your back against his pillow to think about that.
he can feel you starting to clench harder around him, making his fingers stutter inside you, so he pushes his other hand down on your hip to stop you from moving so much. he pulls his fingers out and your eyes dart back up to his face for an explanation, unable to stop the whimper that escapes from you at the loss, but the look in his eyes instantly puts you at ease. you can already tell he knows what heâs doing, and somehow he seems to know exactly what you need, so for once you donât mind sitting back and letting someone else call the shots.
âcan i fuck you now?â he murmurs, and it takes you a second to even hear what he said because youâre shocked at how low and rough his tone is since the last time you heard him speak. he wipes his fingers against the inside of your thigh as he waits for your reply, and you shiver at the cool wetness on your skin.
the best you can manage is a stuttered âyesâ, and without a word of acknowledgement he pulls you off the bed, guiding you off your back and onto your hands and knees.
you let out a squeak at the sudden change but you let it happen, and a second later you hear his voice beside you, his breath warm against your ear. âstill okay?â he asks, and despite the gruffness in his voice you can still hear the soft edge to his words.
âyeah,â you repeat, suddenly losing the ability to say anything else to express your pleasure, but somehow you know he understands. your stomach flutters at the low tone of his voice, steady and calm but so full of warmth and lust.
you feel the heat from his face move away from your skin, and you know heâs sitting up on his knees behind you. his hands slide down your sides, reaching under you to cup your boobs with both hands as he groans at the feeling. you let out a matching whine, pushing your hips back against him to feel his hard length against the soft flesh of your ass.
his hands still holding your breasts, he leans down over you to keep you flush to his body, your back pressed against his chest. he presses a kiss in between your shoulder blades, letting his tongue trace lightly over the ridges of your spine.
you grind backwards against him harder, your body on fire from his kisses as he starts to suck gently at the back of your shoulder. youâre not sure if itâs hard enough to leave marks, but you kind of hope they do, because then youâd be sure this encounter wasnât a dream. what other explanation is there for the fact that youâve not only met the most handsome man youâve ever seen in your life, but that youâre currently on your hands and knees in his bed as he runs his lips over every single inch of you, waiting for him to fuck you? itâs too good to be true.
but it is true, and you know it when he pulls away to brush your hair to the side and expose more of your back for him. his fingers are still so gentle against your skin, his touch heavy but soft, and it makes you even more desperate for him.
after a while he lets go of you and leans back, taking his cock in his hand and gently tapping it against your ass. you groan and fall forward, pressing your face into the pillows and arching your hips up into the air. his hands slide down your sides, gripping your waist with a low groan as he leans forward to kiss the side of your neck again.
he finally pushes all the way into you, and it feels so good it takes your breath away for a second. you can feel your walls throbbing around him, struggling to adjust to the feeling of being so full in the best way, a way you havenât felt this strongly in so long. itâs a feeling like no other, and it makes you wonder why you ever settled for anything else before this.
his hands are all over you like he canât decide what to do first, but after a while they settle at your hips and give them an encouraging squeeze, waiting patiently for you to set the pace. finally you bring yourself to move, tipping forward to let him slide out of you just a bit before you lean back into him.
he adapts quickly to your rhythm, thrusting in and out and matching your pace, using his grip on your waist for leverage to push himself deep inside with every stroke.
âfuck,â he moans under his breath, finally breaking the silence, and with just that one sound you feel yourself starting to let go.
the words tumble out of your mouth and you ball your fists into his sheets, clinging to the bed to keep you grounded while your head is spinning. âplease, please, yesââ
everything finally hits you all at once, like a tidal wave pouring over you as you fall forward and bury your face into the pillow with a broken whimper.
âdonât stop, please,â you whine breathlessly. your words are muffled by the pillow, but you can tell heâs heard them because his grip on your hips tightens even more, slamming into you with just as much force as before and carrying you through your orgasm.
jun has to bite his lip not to sail right over the edge with you, focusing all his energy on holding himself back until he feels your body go limp all at once, the waves finally subsiding and you let out a deep, pleasured exhale. heâs so close he can practically taste it, his skin flushed and damp with sweat and his abs burning with exertion. only once heâs absolutely sure that youâve finished cumming does he let himself break, pulling out as fast as he can and wrapping his fist around his length with all the energy he has left.
he moans weakly at the loss of your tight, warm walls hugging him so perfectly, but the view as he jerks himself over you all but makes up for it. the sight of your ass pressed flush against his thighs, your lower back arched and on display like a gorgeous blank canvas, and it gives him such a rush until he canât hold on anymore.
the warm, sticky liquid hits your back and you whimper into the pillow, instinctively lifting your hips even more towards him. his cum spurts out in thick ropes, painting your skin and pooling in the little divot at the base of your spine, running down your ass until it feels like youâre soaked in it.
he finally pulls back and lets out the breath he didnât know he was holding in, groaning as he sees you sitting still on the bed with your hips in the air. you feel the bed shift with his weight as he gets up, but you donât pay any attention to it as you focus on trying to steady your breathing instead. something in your gut tells you to stay put, and sure enough, a minute later you hear the sink running and then feel the cool fabric of a damp washcloth brushing over your back.
he lays his hand on your ass and gently gives it a little squeeze to signal that heâs finished, and you finally fall over onto your side. youâre coasting on cloud nine, and everything feels both dulled and hypersensitive at the same time. the whir of the overhead fan is a little more prominent now, and the quiet drone echoes around in your brain.
âdo you need water? or do you want a snack, or something?â jun asks, and while his voice still has a touch of shakiness as heâs recovering himself, you can tell his tone is back to the gentle and polite sound youâve become used to hearing from him.
you shake your head, and he hums softly in acknowledgement as he points to the nightstand on the side of the bed closest to you. âthereâs an extra water bottle there, if you need it. i havenât opened it.â
you nod against the sheets, suddenly too tired to even think about forming words. jun climbs back onto the bed next to you, stretching out his long limbs and leaning against the headboard with a satisfied sigh.Â
you surprise yourself when your body automatically reaches out for him, curling into his body and laying your hand across his forearm like a weight keeping him close. but what surprises you even more is when he mirrors the action, scooting closer to you and letting your head rest against his stomach. your first thought is that he makes a very comfortable pillow, and you let your eyes fall shut for a moment as your breathing returns to normal, wanting to savor this moment as you collect yourself and prepare to leave.
you open your eyes what feels like minutes later, but when you reach over to check your phone you realize youâve been asleep for more than an hour. you inhale slowly and swallow, blinking a few times as the sore feeling in your hips reminds you of where you are.
instinctively, you start to panic a little. your friends are probably looking for you. you disappeared without telling anyone, and now you have to get back to your hotel and make sure you have enough time to sleep properly and get ready for the wedding in the morning. never mind that it was probably the best night youâve ever spent with another person, and never mind that your friends are probably still out partying and havenât even noticed you missing yet.
you slide off of the bed as quietly as you can, stumbling a little when your feet hit the floor. you crouch down to pick up your swimsuit off the floor and put it on, hopping on one foot as you slip each leg through the holes. it's darker outside now, but the street lamps and the moonlight shining through the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony of his hotel room are bright enough that it still feels like day. you're so focused on getting dressed and mentally running over your to-do list that you completely forget there's another person in the room until you hear his voice cutting through the silence.
âyou donât have to do that, yâknow.â
you freeze and look up, your half-buttoned dress hanging loosely from your shoulders, your cheeks burning at the realization youâve been caught.
jun swings his legs off the bed, crossing the room in a couple of strides before heâs standing in front of you. heâs wearing nothing except for the boxer shorts he threw on right before you fell asleep, and your cheeks flush even harder at the sight, despite the fact that youâve already seen much more of him than this.
it takes every ounce of restraint you have to keep your eyes from straying, locked on his face before your gaze falls quickly to the floor where your sandals are left in a heap.
you didnât mean to sneak off. but what else were you supposed to do? you hadnât meant to fall asleep and stay as long as you did, either, and now you were stuck with the awkward conversation that always comes afterwards. the inevitable hurried goodbyes and uncomfortable tension as you try to put yourself back together and leave as fast as possible.
jun takes a small step closer to you, and despite all the confidence you know he has, it feels almost⊠tentative. as if youâre meeting for the first time and he isnât sure whether or not heâs allowed to touch you yet.
there's a lingering feeling that you can't quite put your finger on yet. it's conflicting, because you know you can't stay but everything in you is screaming not to leave. maybe there's something you can do, anything you can do. is it all worth it? to turn your life around in a complete 180 for someone you barely even knowâ and yet, the last few hours that youâve spent with him have been incomparably the best of your life.
after a moment he reaches out and starts to finish buttoning your dress for you, his fingers working them back through the loops with just as much care as he did when he was taking them off earlier.
âsorry,â you manage quietly, though youâre not even really sure what youâre apologizing for. a lot of things: sorry for running away, sorry for having feelings you probably shouldnât be feeling, sorry for knowing this wonât work out despite the way you really, really wish it could.
but he just shakes his head as he finishes buttoning the last button. âi took it off. i can help you put it back on, too.â you can tell he knows what you had actually meant, but heâs ignoring it either for your sake or his. something about his words feels so easy, like all the problems in your head donât mean anything anymore. here you are, an anxious and awkward and confused mess, and there he is, smoothing out the wrinkles in your dress like itâs something heâs been doing all his life.
he adjusts the strap on your shoulder with a gentle pat, but his hands linger for a few seconds longer than they should, and you lift your eyes to meet his. âcan i kiss you again?â he asks quietly, and for some reason his choice of words sticks with you. not one final kiss, not a goodbye kiss, just again. like heâs refusing to admit this will probably be the last time youâll ever see each other.
and you nod, and his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and pull you back into his lips, just as warm and just as soft and just as familiar as the first time. thereâs something so innocent about kissing him, even in the midst of a complicated and confusing mess of emotions that makes you second guess everything. somewhere in the back of your mind you vaguely register that this is the last time youâll ever kiss him, but as long as his lips are on yours it doesnât matter. youâll figure out how to deal with all that later; for now, the only thing youâre concerned about is the way he grips your chin and pulls you even closer.
it feels like hours later when you finally pull away, letting out a slow exhale as you try to blink yourself back to reality, and you know what has to happen now. âcan you find your hotel on your own? do you want me to walk back with you?â jun asks, and you can feel the hesitancy in his voice.
âitâs not far,â you sigh quietly, turning away to slip your feet into your sandals that wait by the bed where youâd taken them off earlier. you shouldâve said yes. âbut⊠thank you.â your words hold a sincere weight to them, and itâs silent for a few seconds as you cross the room quicker than you want to.
âyou could stay,â he says finally, but his hand is already on the doorknob and you both already know the answer. you hate that you have to be the one to tell him no, even though itâs been clear from the start what the outcome would be. you give him a small shake of your head, and he pulls on the knob.Â
he stands and stares for a minute, watching you walk down the hallway and praying youâll turn around. and then you do, glancing back at him over your shoulder, and he almost allows himself to have a little bit of hope that you might come back, even though you both know you canât. when you find him still standing in the doorway your eyes light up just the slightest bit, and finally you disappear with a tiny little wave.
the door clicks shut again, and the silence that follows is louder than anything heâs heard all day.
âand you didnât even get this guyâs number?!â
you wince at the tone in jeonghanâs voice, rubbing the back of your shoulder guiltily. âhis name, either.â
âeven after the magic old lady said all that shit about soulmates?â
âshe didnât say that!â you huff. your tone rises almost defensively, although it probably has no reason to. she didnât say anything about being soulmates⊠right? âshe said something like, âkeep your eyes open for stuff around youâ. but he said he didnât even believe in it, anyway.â
a waiter carrying a tray of champagne glasses walks past, and he snags a couple of them, holding one out to you. âwell, it doesnât sound like youâre keeping your eyes open. it sounds more like your eyes are closed, actually. are you blind?â
you scowl and take the glass from him. âmy flight home is tonight, hannie. iâm not gonna see him again.â you take a sip, letting it sit in your mouth for a second before you swallow. âand besides, he said he was here for a wedding, too. he could be from anywhere in the world. it would be impossible to find him.â
âdoesnât hurt to at least try.â you both stop in front of a circular table covered in flowers, with a little placard next to one of the plates with jeonghanâs name on it. âi guess this is my table. you want me to help you look for yours?â
you shake your head, pointing to a table a little ways away. âi saw mine on the way in, itâs over there.â
âwhatever,â he hums at you, but you know heâs just teasing. âi still wouldnât blame you if you ditched and ran off to try and find him.â
ânot happening!â you call over your shoulder as you walk away, matching his playful tone. but you canât help but feel like maybe heâs right.
jun taps his fingers against the table, staring mindlessly at the bubbles floating in his glass of champagne. heâs stuck in his headâ no, thatâs not right. thatâs not the problem. youâre stuck in his head. itâs nearly a full day later and he hasnât been able to stop thinking about you, the taste of your lips, the feel of your breasts in his hands, the scent of the shampoo in your hair. if that wasnât the most perfect hookup in the history of hookups, then he doesnât wanna know what is.
he still feels bad for not even paying attention during the ceremony, because he was too busy imagining you and him up there on the altar kissing instead. god, what he wouldnât give for another kiss like that. but just like you, he knows it never wouldâve worked out, and despite the what-ifs that are chewing him up inside and the fact that he definitely, absolutely, totally wouldâve tried to make it work however large the distance was, he knows itâs probably for the better. even if it means heâs gonna spend the rest of his life pining after a girl he met on vacation for less than a single day, and heâll never even know your name.
he takes a swig of his champagne and tries to put on a cheery face. this is a wedding, after all, and he canât afford to spend all his time pouting when heâs in a beautiful city by the seaside enjoying delicious food and near perfect weather.
and then he sees you.
not really, of course, because itâs probably the champagne going to his head after chugging the majority of his glass like a frat boy at a college party. but then he blinks, and it really is you, wandering around for a second before you sit down at a table on the other side of the venue, wearing a soft blue dress thatâs even prettier than the one he saw you in yesterday.
he blinks again, not fully believing that itâs you and not just the combined effect of the alcohol and his daydreams, but youâre still there when he opens his eyes again. and he knows itâs you, because he can see the faint hickies on your back and shoulders that you clearly tried to hide with makeup but couldnât fully reach.
the chances that heâd see you againânot even that, but the chances that youâd be attending the very same wedding he wasâmust be one in a billion. maybe even more. yet there you are, picking at your nail and staring wistfully at your empty plate as you wait for the reception to start.
he stares for another minute, just to make sure youâre actually real, before he stands up and makes his way to the terrace at the back of the venue where the groom is standing next to a tower of cupcakes.
âgyu,â he greets him, âhey. are we allowed to switch tables?â
âi⊠donât think so?â mingyu hums, a little off guard by the sudden question. âi made sure we put you next to hao, butââ
âif i give you twenty bucks, can you put me at table 8 instead?â junâs eyes flicker with desperation, and he has to force himself not to look back over at you.
mingyu whines apologetically and hesitates, glancing at his bride a little ways away as she talks to a table full of guests. âshe did all this planning, jun, i canât just change everything nowâŠâ
âitâs not changing everything.â jun pulls his wallet out of his pants pocket, already rifling through the bills. âiâll make it a hundred. mingyu, please, just switch me,â he says.
the whine in junâs voice makes him pause, and he bites his lip as he considers it. on one hand, he could have his brand new wife a little bit mad at him for a while (whoâll probably forgive him the second she gets in bed with him tonight), plus get to help his friend and get an easy hundred dollars out of it. or, on the other hand⊠he could not help him, and his wife would never know, and jun would probably hate him for some unknown reason even though he doesnât think jun has a single bone in his body capable of hating anybody. the decision is easy.
mingyu takes the bills from junâs hand and stuffs them in his pocket before anyone can notice. âgo ahead,â he says, tossing his head in the direction of the table. âi donât know what it is you want, but donât let anybody see you.â
âthanks! i owe you!â jun grins and hugs him, letting out a noise almost like a squeal before he turns and dashes away.
youâre barely paying attention to the reception anymore as you sit with your chin in your hands, again mentally running over all the things you need to pack and how on earth youâre going to be able to board your flight tonight and leave everything behind. the beaches, the city⊠and him. how are you supposed to just get on a plane and get on with your life, knowing that heâs out there somewhere in the world, and youâre never going to see him again.Â
youâre trying not to sulk, but you canât help the way your mood has been sour all morning, already filled with regrets and you havenât even left yet. maybe you shouldâve skipped the wedding altogether and spent another day in his bed, wrapped up between his sheets and lying in his arms. but then the rational part of your brain reminds you that he was also in town for a wedding, so even if heâd wanted to or even been okay with doing that, he probably had other plans anyway.
youâre still trying to figure out what to do about your hopeless situation when you hear a sound close behind you. it startles you into putting a smile on your face, preparing yourself to socialize although you really arenât in the mood to.
âis this seat taken?â jun asks as he pulls out the chair to your left and sits down.
your brows furrow in confusion, trying to place the familiar voice, until you turn around and your jaw drops when you see who it belongs to.
you stare at him in shock, your eyes darting back and forth between his trying to figure out what to say. âyouâre not joshua,â is the best you can come up with as your mouth hangs open and you whip your head around to check the list of names assigned to this table. you recognize them all, yet here he is: the nameless stranger youâve fallen so helplessly in love with in so short an amount of time.
he smiles at your reaction, and itâs such a genuine smile that you know heâs feeling exactly the way you do right now. âi guess youâre right. iâm not.â he brushes the name card in front of him to the side and sets his own down in its place instead before he holds out his hand to shake. âitâs nice to meet you. iâm jun.â
you pause for a minute, staring at his hand. you canât believe this is real, you canât believe heâs real; youâd almost been able to convince yourself that the whole encounter last night was a fever dream, if you hadnât woken up in the morning with a soreness between your legs that screamed that it definitely was not a dream.
finally you reach out and take his hand, and even in that little touch you can tell it really is him, from the way your heart picks up when you feel the familiar softness of his skin and the gentle squeeze that sends goosebumps down your arm.
âitâs nice to meet you, too.â
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Shut Up
pairing;Â wen junhui x f reader (ft. xu minghao)
genre; smut (minor dni), angst, fluff
summary;Â You think you know about the world around you, but one day you find out you don't know anything. When you start to fall about it's your boss Wen Junhui who picks up the pieces and keeps you safe.Â
content warnings; a lot of dark themes including: sexual assault, murder, guns, knives, beating, fighting, selling of guns, selling/using drugs, alcohol/eating, crying and dealing with trauma, mild dubcon. mob boss!junhui, second in command!minghao, security!mingyu, assistant!reader.
smut warnings;Â hard mean dom!junhui, sub!reader, dom!minhao. unprotected/protected sex, creampie, threesome, multiple sex scenes, rough sex, impact play, degrading, pet names, degrading names, dumbfication/objectfication to a degree, hand job, fingering, oral (m&f receiving & giving), crying/dacryphilia, innocence kink (no explicitly said), breast play, body worship. I am very certain I have left something out.
w/c; 35.9k and some change | read the 900 bonus on my patreon
a/n; this fic is for my @onlyhuis. thank you for not only editing this for me but supporting me every single word along the way. i hope you enjoy this one so so much my little huihui. with that said -- this fic is VERY dark and could be a lot for some of you to read. please be sure to read the warnings before reading so that you are prepared for what you are reading.
before continuing remember reblogs are incredibly important and please read how to support me here
âI literally donât give a fuck. Get his ass out of my sight.âÂ
Your brows raise as you look down at the tablet in your arms when the sound of your boss's voice rings through the bar. Someone had pissed him off and you were just happy it wasnât you this time. Wen Junhui was an important man to a lot of people and for a lot of reasons, most of those reasons you chose to ignore and just do your job.Â
There were a lot of things in your job that you had to ignore in order to keep it. Things like money appearing in large quantities with little to no explanation and meeting someone only to never see them again after they opened their mouth just a little too much.Â
Glancing towards Junâs office, you watch as one such man is being pulled out by Xu Minghao, Junâs second in command. You meet the desperate manâs eyes only briefly before dropping yours, but itâs enough to give him hope as he pulls against Minghaoâs arms, trying to move back towards the bar where you were standing.Â
âHey! Hey, lady, pretty lady! I'm in here all the time. You âmember me right?âÂ
Scoffing, Minghao shakes his head, nodding towards security at the front door for help. You watch under lowered lashes as Kim Mingyu takes one of the manâs arms, helping Minghao drag him towards the exit as he continues to ask you for help.
âI had the fuckinâ money! This is bullshit!âÂ
You let out a breath you hadn't realized you had been holding when Minghao walked back through the door, letting Mingyu shut it behind them. Wiping his hands off on the front of his shirt, the man lifts his eyebrows at you as you try to look busy with your previous task.
âYouâve been told not to look at trash when Iâm taking it out. You donât remember things very well to be so pretty, Y/N.âÂ
Sighing, you finally meet Minghaoâs eyes as he leans against the bar in front of you. You knew what you had been told; it was just that it was easier said than done to ignore something kicking and screaming as they were being dragged out of a building.Â
âIâm sorry. I shouldâve gone to the back when I heard Mr. Wen yeâexpress his displeasure.âÂ
You watch as a smirk pulls at one side of Minghaoâs lips when you correct how you talk about your boss and his best friend. He had a soft spot for you and he knew you were doing your best.Â
ââLeast you know what you should've done.âÂ
âHao!âÂ
Looking back towards Junâs office when his name is called, Minghao purses his lips and pats the bar with his hand before giving you one more lingering look. You watch him until he disappears into your bossâs office and the door is left cracked so that only a low conversation can be heard.Â
You spent most of your days and nights at Moonlight Lounge. Since you had been introduced to Jun and taken on the unique position of his personal assistant, your life had changed dramatically. You were in charge of managing most of his personal accountsâbut never his business accountsâand you were the one who kept his schedule to the minute.Â
âY/N!âÂ
Hearing your name being yelled by Jun wasnât an unusual occurrence but he didnât sound pleased, though that wasnât a new fact either. You werenât friends with your boss and you werenât sure if you ever would be.Â
Holding the tablet closer to your chest, you glance towards Mingyu, who grimaces at how your name was said before turning away as you turn towards the office door. Everyone knew that one moment could make or break how your day was going to go at the lounge, and you had caused more of a disturbance by looking at the man as he had been dragged out.Â
Knocking on the door, you slip inside, feeling two sets of eyes on you as Minghao sits against a sidebar console on the right of Junâs desk and Jun himself sits behind the large desk with a frown on his face. Lifting your eyes you try to skirt around Junâs eyes but the man leans his head to catch your gaze before sighing and pushing his tongue into his cheek.
âSit down. Jesus ChristâŠâ
He was in a mood and there was nothing you could do to change it. Slipping into the leather chair, you clear your throat and rest your tablet on your lap, straightening your spine so that you feel taller and less small under Junâs gaze. Lifting his hand, he pushes his glasses up his nose before reaching for the tumbler of whiskey in front of him, taking a sip and sitting it down hard.Â
âTonight we have some important guests coming to the lounge. I want to make sure we have some of the girls prepared to serve them but I want you to steer clear of that section.â Â
Furrowing your brows, you give him a confused look when he doesnât yell at you for what happened but instead goes to your task for the night. Glancing towards Minghao, you slide the pen from your tablet and stutter for a moment before opening the notepad to take notes.Â
âIâwhâohâŠsure. Do I know who the guests are? So that I can tell them? And so that I can make sure there are adequate refreshments for their visit.âÂ
Jun narrows his eyes at you before letting them move along your frame appraisingly as you switch into assistant mode and out of scared little kitten mode. You were stunning and when you wanted to be, you could be fierce. You had shown it on more than one occasion but Jun still had an urge to keep a close eye on you, like he did anything else that belonged to him.Â
âThey areâŠâ Smirking, Jun looks over to Minghao, lifting his hands in a question before sighing. âCompetition and nothing more, darling. Donât give them top shelf; we donât serve that to those who donât deserve it.âÂ
Swallowing hard at the pet name, you make some limited notes as Jun watches you carefully. It wasnât the first time he had called you darling or some other variation of a pet name, but it still made you nervous every single time. Rolling his eyes, Minghao crosses his arms and leans his head back as he watches Jun stare at you. He knew exactly what he was doing, even if you didnât.Â
âI think that handles everything. Make sure they are happy, but not too happy. I want them to be jealous of what they canât achieve. You get what Iâm saying?âÂ
Nodding, you bite at your bottom lip, making Jun tilt his head as he watches intently. You mutter to yourself, writing down a few of the waitress's names along with your suggestions for how the guests should be handled before looking up to meet Junâs eyes and feeling your cheeks burn at how he is looking at you.Â
âUh, yeah, I mean, yes, sir, Mr. Wen. Iâll take care of everything.âÂ
Gesturing towards the door, Jun smirks as you pop up out of your seat quickly, ready to leave. He knew he was intense and he knew you were crumbling under him. He wanted you under him in more ways than one, but he had patience and an inkling of respect about him.Â
âGood girl. Iâll see you tonight then.â
Counting the bottles of alcohol as they are loaded onto the tray, you shake your head, reaching for one as one of the waitresses passes by you.Â
âI told you, Mr. Wen said, âno top shelfâ.âÂ
Stopping, the girl gives you a nervous look as she glances from you towards the VIP section that she had been tasked with by you. You could hear the loud laughter of the men over the music coming from the lounge, even from where you stood at the bar.Â
âI know, itâs justâthey asked for it. They kinda scare me, Y/N. Canât I just give them that bottle?âÂ
Looking at the bottle of expensive vodka in your hand, you narrow your eyes at where you knew the men were before rolling your eyes at the girlâs words. It wasnât her fault. Most of the clientele at the Moonlight Lounge could be rough around the edges but it seemed this particular group was even worse.Â
You could hear Junâs voice echoing in your head as you put the bottle behind the bar and took the tray from the younger girl, making her whisper a small thank you in return. You knew you were going against what you had been told to do, the rules, and your better judgment⊠but it was better you than some helpless waitress.Â
Luckily, you had dressed for the night. Donning a tight black turtleneck sleeveless dress that ended at your thighs, your thigh high boots finished off your outfit, making you look classy enough to pass as management. Swallowing hard, you put on your best face as you approach the curved booth, seeing a group of three unfamiliar men. You could tell they at least felt important and had some money to their name from the amount on the table, the baggies of white powder, and gold on their fingers.Â
âYour drinks, gentlemen.âÂ
Putting the tray down on the table, you can feel as the man to your right leans out to examine you from head to toe. There was no mistaking what he was looking at or how he was looking at you like a piece of meat as the other two laughed before reaching for the various bottles of booze in front of them.Â
âHey, heyâŠnah, sweetheart. We ordered Beluga vodka, not this rubbing alcohol shit.âÂ
Stepping back from the table, you try to stay out of reach of the manâs grasp, causing all three of the men to scoff at your reaction.Â
âMm, Iâm aware of your order... Mr. â?âÂ
âYou can just call me Sir, baby, and you can get your pretty little ass back to that bar and get me my fucking vodka if you are so goddamn aware of it.âÂ
Pushing your tongue into your cheek, you can feel the frustration rising in you as you try to keep your composure. You didnât want to insult the guests, but you also didnât enjoy being talked to the way you were. Meeting the eye of the man who referred to himself as "Sir,"Â you lift your brow and decide to stand your ground, shaking your head.Â
âI wonât be doing that. These are the drinks you are allowed to have by Mr. Wen and you will enjoy them or you won't, Sir. Have a good night.âÂ
Turning on your heels, you feel good about how you ended the conversation. You can feel the pressure of the conflict lifting off you as you round the corner and enter the hallway, getting away from the constant bass of the music and the smell of the alcohol. You donât see the pissed off look on the manâs face as you disrespect him and you donât hear as he says he wonât let you get off that easy.Â
The rest of the night goes by like every other without incident. You find yourself yawning as you walk through the parking lot towards your car, your hand in your purse, when hands push you forward hard. The feeling of the breath being knocked out of your lungs is the first thing that you feel as your chest meets the side of your car, the next is lips against your cheek as you hear the sound of the manâs voice, Sir.Â
âPretty little bitch... you have fun disrespecting me tonight?âÂ
Pushing back against him, you find that you canât move with how tightly his fingers dig into your arms as his body pushes into yours from behind. Tears well up in your eyes from anger and fear as you try to look around the dark parking lot for anyone, but you were almost always the last person to leave the bar every night.Â
âPleaseâŠstop.âÂ
You feel the manâs lips pull up in a smirk as he pulls your arms behind you so he can hold them with one hand, freeing up one of his hands. With his free hand, he tugs at your dress, pulling it towards your hip, even as you stomp your feet back at his boots, making him laugh. That is when you hear the other two men, who had been with him inside, laugh.Â
âWhatâs your name? Nah, you know what? I donât give a fuck. Just another little whore that works for Wen.â Hearing your bossâs name, you let out a loud scream, causing the man to push you against your car over your hood as his fingers trailed along your inner thigh upwards. âHe likes to throw out the trash. We can show you where when we are done. Have you ever seen?â
The next sound you hear is a loud pop, followed by two others. You can only scream when the man collapses on top of you, something warm and wet soaking through the back of your dress as you struggle under him. The weight of his body is pulled from you and a hand is placed over your eyes as you start to flail your arms to fight.Â
âY/N! Stop, itâs me. ShhâŠdarling. StopâŠIâll move my hand, but keep your eyes closed for me?âÂ
Junâs voice and his arm moving around your waist to pull you back around against him like an anchor help calm you down. You hold his wrist tightly to your stomach, feeling his hand move from over your eyes as you keep them shut tightly out of fear of what you would see if you did open them. The smell of copper fills your nose.Â
You feel hands tug your dress back down around your thighs when Jun finally pries his arm from your grasp and then a warm coat placed around your shoulders. When he tries to step away, leaving you standing there with your eyes closed, you start to panic, prompting him to shush you, his fingers running over your cheek as he leans you against your car.Â
âIâm right here, baby. Iâm not leaving you. Keep those eyes closed.âÂ
Nodding, you hold tightly to the leather and fur jacket around your arms as you listen to the hushed voices of Jun, Minghao, and Mingyu. You hear the sounds of something heavy being dragged along the pavement and then the slamming of a trunk causes you to jump.Â
Jun watches you as Mingyu grunts, lifting the last of the trash off the ground and into one of the trunks. He had gotten lucky that you had screamed and that he had known you hadnât listened to him earlier. He knew you had gone to their table but he never thought something this drastic would happen.Â
âMotherfuckersâŠâÂ
Nodding along with Minghaoâs words, Jun runs his fingers through his hair before letting out a long sigh. He knew there were people who would come looking for those who had done this to you and there were those who had seen you talking to them at the table tonight.Â
âWhat do you wanna do about Y/N?âÂ
Pursing his lips, Jun watches as you visibly tremble a few feet away from them. You werenât safe anymore and he couldnât just let you go back to your apartment and hope for the best.Â
âIâll handle it.âÂ
Furrowing his brows, Minghao lifts his hands in confusion before moving towards Mingyu to close the last trunk as Jun moves back to you. You can feel his hands ghost over your arms before they finally rest on your biceps and he takes a breath, tilting his head and looking at your furrowed brow.Â
âYou can open your eyes now, Y/N.âÂ
Shaking your head, you find you're afraid to. What would you see? Would there be blood everywhere? Bodies? Whimpering, you open one eye only to see Jun in front of you before you open both eyes and glance around you.Â
Tears stream down your cheeks when you notice the dark spots on the pavement, because you know what they are. You know what is running down your back through your dress and it makes your stomach tighten. Lifting his hand, Jun runs his fingers over your cheek and shakes his head.Â
âYou canât go home. Itâs not safe⊠you understand that, right?âÂ
Shrugging, you try to speak but all you can do is let out a sob. Junâs thumb continues to stroke your cheek as he watches you intently, almost studying you.Â
âIâm going to take you to my penthouse. You can stay with me for a while. Iâll keep you safe.â
It doesnât dawn on you where you are or what that means until you are standing in Junâs living room, looking out of the large window to the city below. You can feel the weight of everything around you, just like you can feel the dried blood on your back, causing your dress to stick to your skin.Â
Furrowing his brows, Jun watches you as he keeps his voice low with his cellphone resting between his shoulder and his ear. You had been quiet since he had put you in his car and told you that you couldnât go back to your apartment. He had told you at least three times why you couldnât, but maybe now it was sinking in for you.Â
âNo, just grab some of her clothes and put them in a bag. Iâll buy new shit if I need to, but for now, I think sheâd want her own things.âÂ
Rolling his eyes at Minghaoâs response, Jun leans against his sofa, glancing down at his nails at some dried blood caked under them, making him grimace.
âHao, just do it, alright? I donât wanna fuckinâ argue with you right now. Drop it off in the morning.âÂ
Hanging up the phone, Jun lifts his eyes back to you as he sighs. He knew you were scared and confused, but that was the world that he was living in and it was the world that you started living in the moment you took your job. He couldnât help but want to protect you from it still, just like he had shielded your eyes at the lounge.Â
âY/N, I am having Minghao pick up some of your personal items so that perhaps it will feel a bit more comfortable here.âÂ
Scoffing, you pull the borrowed jacket around you tighter, hearing your boss get closer to you. In truth, you were frightened of him just as much as you were thankful to him for saving you. You werenât sure how his large penthouse could ever feel comfortable for you.Â
Pushing his tongue into his cheek out of annoyance at your reaction, Jun moves to stand behind you, looking at your reflection in the window. Lifting his hands to your arms, Jun feels your body stiffen under his touch before he sighs, leaning forward to speak next to your ear.Â
âI will never hurt you, darling. I took care of those who did, remember?âÂ
Watching you nod, Jun feels your shoulders relax some so that he can slide his jacket down your arms, making you whine at the feeling of what was left. Your dress felt stiff and ruined, making you shift uncomfortably.Â
âI know, Mr. Wen. I-I..Iâm grateful. Could I just... I want to go home. I want to go take a shower and go to bed.âÂ
Jun frowns as he watches you struggle with your words. He knew there was blood on your skin and it made him furious. Leaning back to look over your frame, he shakes his head at your words and at his own assessment of your condition, noting the trail of blood running down the back of your thigh.Â
âIâve explained it to you multiple times. You arenât safe there, but here you are.â Meeting your eyes in the reflection of the window, Jun lifts his brows as you frown at him. âYou can shower here and Iâll find you something to wear. Youâll sleep just fine here with me, where you are safe. Do I make myself clear?âÂ
When you donât answer right away, Jun rolls his eyes, turning you towards him so that he can look you in the eyes instead of just at your reflection. The look in his eyes is a mixture of intense and concerned, making you flustered and confused as you find yourself nodding in agreement.Â
âGood girl. Come on.âÂ
Taking your hand into his, Jun takes the time to point out various rooms before leading you into a large bedroom.Â
âYou are welcome to anything in the kitchen and nothing is off limits to you. I just ask that you follow my rules while you are here.â Sighing, Jun gestures towards the ensuite as he continues to speak to you, dropping your hand. âYou can use my shower.âÂ
Moving towards the dresser across from the end of the bed, he mutters under his breath to himself, too low for you to understand, as you watch him in disbelief.Â
âUhâŠMr. Wen?â
Humming out a response, Jun furrows his brows, taking out one of his black cotton shirts and turning back towards you. He could see the confusion in your eyes, but he wasnât sure what there was to be confused about. He had explained everything.Â
âWhat? Also, letâs cut the formality, shall we? Just call me Jun. Iâm going to get annoyed with the âMr. Wenâ bullshit.âÂ
The idea of calling your boss by his first name makes your head spin, but you find yourself even more taken aback as he kneels in front of you to unzip your boots. Glancing up at you, Jun lifts his hand as if to say âgo onâ before helping you lift your leg, slipping your foot out of your shoe.Â
âIâumâŠokay. I could do that⊠But I was just going to say, isn't there a guest bathroom that I can use the shower in?âÂ
Lifting his brow as if you had just slapped him, Jun meets your eyes, removing your other boot and tossing it over his shoulder. You watch him stand as he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief at your obviously stupid question.Â
âOf course I do, kitten. Clearly, I have guest rooms, but I donât want you to use those showers. I brought you to mine. Itâs called keeping an eye on you. Iâve explained this.âÂ
You could hear the annoyance in his breath at having to repeat himself. You were frustrated at having to hear him say it again and again, but it wasnât making any sense. You were in some sort of twilight zone and you needed to wake up. Maybe that was all this wasâa dream. You hadnât been attacked. No one had been shot and your boss wasnât lacing his fingers with yours, leading you into his bathroom.
Jun watches you as he leans into his large shower to turn on the water. You were standing with your eyes closed, almost as if you could make something appear or disappear in front of you, but as soon as the water turned on, you jumped, and he tightened his grip on your hand. You were right back to acting like that scared little kitten from his office earlier in the day. He could see your eyes darting around to avoid him and the moment his hand was away from yours, you were wandering away from him towards the counter, making him groan out of frustration.Â
âDo I need to do everything?âÂ
Your eyes snap to Jun when he questions you and starts to move towards you once again. You can feel panic rise in your chest at the idea of what he might do even if you know he isnât trying to hurt you. All you can think about in your head is the hand of the man from the lounge on your thigh tugging your dress up.Â
âNo! IâI can! I can do it!âÂ
Jun furrows his brows when you yell at him. He could see the fear in your eyes when you looked at him even though he had promised not to hurt you, but he couldnât really fault you. Of course you would be scared of someone being that close after what happened. Taking a step back he puts up his hands to show you heâs not going to do something you donât want.Â
âOkay, Iâll be right outside the room then. Iâm not trying to upset you, Y/N. I told you I wouldnât hurt you and I meant it. Iâm⊠fuckâIâm trying to help you.âÂ
You watch as Jun gives you one last look, a sad almost wounded look in his eyes as he watches your hands shake when you reach out to hold onto the counter in front of you for stability. You could tell he was struggling to leave you alone and the moment, but he was doing it for you.Â
Reaching the door Jun groans under this breath, lifting his hand to run it through his hair as he leans against the wall just outside of the bathroom. He remembered the desperation locked in your gaze and the confusion. As much as you wanted to play a tough act and go home, he could picture you wandering some dark, dingy apartment in your blood stained dress for hours. You needed someone to take care of you.Â
Closing your eyes for a moment once you are alone in the bathroom, you feel your legs tremble as the weight of the day seems to close in around you. The quartz of the counter under your fingertips feels like fragile glass and the silence feels like a roaring wave and you realize that this is what it would be like to be at home alone. You didnât have a roommate, there was no family waiting for you. You would just be sitting on your bed completely alone stuck in a never ending silence as the world collapsed around you.Â
Tears stream down your face as you reach for the end of your dress trying to pull on it in an attempt to try to undress yourself but itâs all too much. Opening your eyes, you search the door for Jun letting out a soft sob of his name just wanting him to come back realizing you canât do this without him. It didnât make sense but he was a buoy keeping you from drifting off into the middle of the sea.
Hearing his name whispered between your sobs, Jun furrows his brows looking around the door frame to meet your eyes. The sight of you almost breaks his heart and makes him move to you taking your face into his hand as he rests his other against the counter. Sighing, Jun shakes his head studying your pretty face as you shake your head prompting him to help you.Â
âY/N, you need to take your clothes off.â You lean into Junâs touch as his thumb strums against your cheekbone. He waits for you to nod before he steps away and leans against the counter, glancing down trying to give you back some privacy. He was going to stay where you needed him, but he was going to let you try to do this yourself. Â
Sniffing back your tears you move your eyes from Jun and towards the mirror in front of you as you once again try to work up the courage to pull up your dress. When your eyes meet yourself in the steamed up mirror, they fall to a smear of dried blood on the side of your neck right above the top of your turtleneck.Â
Jun furrows his brows, listening to the sounds of your breath quickening to the point of panic, his hands tighten at his side before he mutters, âfuck, and looks up to see you still dressed, rubbing your hand at the blood on your neck. Moving to you, he takes your hand, with one hand wrapping the other around your waist, to pull you back against him, shushing you.Â
âLeave it. Thatâs what the water is for, baby. I was going to justâwell, stand here and make sure you were okay but if you canât even undress yourselfââÂ
Fingers slide from your waist to your thigh, carefully bunching your dress up your thigh, making you put your hand over Junâs. Lifting his brows, he meets your eyes in the mirror, waiting for you to move your trembling hand giving him permission to continue. Jun takes a step back and slides your dress up your body. You feel shame and something else wash over you as Jun hums softly, helping you work the dress over your head before dropping it onto the counter.Â
Luckily and unluckily for Jun, his eyes were moving over your back and to the dried blood that had transferred onto your body through your dress. While he was enjoying the view of your body on display in front of him, the idea of it being tainted by some piece of trashâs blood was enough to keep him from getting aroused. He needed to get you clean.Â
This was not a situation you ever thought you would find yourself inâin your underwear, in your bossâs bathroom as he undressed youâbut as Jun ran his hands along your arms soothingly, you found yourself somehow relaxing. Even under his intense gaze, there was a calm in the storm.Â
âThese next, okay, Y/N?âÂ
Swallowing hard, you nod and lift your hands, resting them over the cups of your bra as you feel the garment give way as Junâs fingers undo the clasp. The straps fall down your shoulders and you lower your eyes, moving one hand and then the other before covering your breasts once again.Â
Shaking his head at how you try to keep your modesty, Jun takes a breath, pushing his fingers into top of your panties at your hips and pushing them down before letting gravity do the rest. What was the point of your need for modesty now? You were stunning and if it werenât for the blood spoiling his view, Jun would have let you know then.Â
âGo ahead, darling... Iâll be right here.âÂ
Leaning back against the counter, Jun lifts his brow at you as you shift sideways, trying to keep yourself covered, sliding into the glass shower and pulling the door closed behind you. The steam gave you some privacy, but it still allowed you to see where Jun was, which for some reason, made you feel at ease.Â
Glancing back down at his nails, Jun takes a deep breath, hearing the water hitting your body before it hits the shower floor. It was a welcomed sound and one that he hoped to enjoy for himself once you were safely tucked away in his bed.Â
Running his thumbnail under his index nail to clean out the blood he had seen earlier, Jun glances towards the shower, watching you lean your head back as the water rains down over you. He could see the dark red washing down the drain at your feet and he hoped that you would be able to get it all off without him.Â
âY/NâŠLet the water hit your back for a bit.âÂ
You furrow your brows at Junâs voice, looking over your shoulder at him meeting his eyes through the glass. You knew that was where your dress had been sticking to you the most. Nodding, you step to your right, letting the water hit your back before you glance down at your feet.Â
Jun is quick to open the door when you let out a loud gasp, your hand reaching for the door as you see the blood going down the drain. Tears mix with the water running down your face as Jun pulls you against him, stepping under the shower with you.Â
Your eyes drop back down to the drain where your feet rest between Junâs. You see blood mixing with water running over his feet and yours before you lean your head back against his shoulder, feeling his wet shirt against your neck.Â
âYouâre getting your clothes wet, Jun.â Sniffing between sobs, you look back down seeing less blood going down the drain but it was still enough to make you tremble in his arms. âAnd the blood⊠itâs on your feet.â Â
Jun shakes his head, stepping away from you, keeping one hand on your arm as he uses the other to run it over your lower back, rubbing away the blood before glancing up at your face.Â
âYouâre worried about my clothes getting wet?âÂ
Smiling into his words, Jun sighs and furrows his brows carefully, swiping at some blood on your ass before moving to your thighs as he keeps talking, feeling you looking back at him as he focuses.Â
âThe blood isnât yours or mine, thatâs what is important. And itâs going down the drain where it belongs.â Pursing his lips, Jun meets your eyes briefly before wanting to once again distract you, protect you from looking at any more blood going down the drain. âWhat did I tell you when I hired you?âÂ
Shaking your head, you look at Jun, confused at why he would even be asking you something like that when you are so upset. Lifting your hand you swipe at tears and water on your face scoffing until he speaks again.Â
âTell me, Y/N.âÂ
His voice is stern but there is a layer of kindness to it that you were starting to get used to tonight. It was comforting and made you want to recall the conversation for him.Â
âYouâuh, you said that I was too sweet for the job. You said it would break me.âÂ
Nodding, Jun tilts his head, turning you to face him and glancing down the length of your body. At first, you feel incredibly exposed and self conscious, but after a moment, you realize he doesnât even seem to be looking at your body but instead for blood. Finally, his eyes lift to meet yours and he licks water from his lips, taking a step back from you.Â
âNow I have to put you back together...â
Running a towel over his wet hair, Jun leans against the door frame, looking at you curled up on his bed. You seemed to be finally resting after he had left you to get dressed in the t-shirt he had pulled from his dresser so he could take his own shower. In truth, he had worried you might try to wander off in the penthouse or even out of it, but he was happy to see you on his bed. Your bare legs were pulled up slightly as the comforter rested at your knees.Â
Before, Jun had been more focused on making sure you were okay. He had been able to keep himself from letting his eyes look over your body in anything other than concern, but now as you lay in his bed in his clothes, it was harder to do that.Â
Swallowing hard, Jun glances down at his bare chest, running the towel in his hand over some drops of water that had fallen from his hair before tossing the towel into the hamper and moving into the bedroom. He was already dressed in sweatpants, but he didnât feel the need to put on anything else, knowing he was just going to lay down on the bed near you. Jun was tired, but he had a feeling it would be a restless night.Â
Your eyes follow Jun as he moves around his bed, lifting his hand to run his fingers through the wet strands. You canât help but let your eyes move over his torso and arms. While you were having one of the worst days in your life, the man in front of you was treating you with the most care you had ever experienced on that worst day, and he looked like he was chiseled from stone.Â
Pushing your head down so that your lips are under your arm, you shift slightly when Jun lays down beside you. Staying quiet, your brows furrow as he groans under his breath, feeling the weight of the day in his back. He hadnât looked over at you yet, but you find yourself furrowing your brows in concern as his eyes close tightly and he arches his back to stretch it.Â
âAre you okay?âÂ
Your voice is soft, and Junâs brows relax the moment it reaches his ears. He had thought you were asleep. His bed was big enough that he wasnât that close to you and he knew he wasnât being so loud that he would have woken you up, unless you were an incredibly light sleeperâclearly you hadnât been asleep as he thought. Glancing over to you as he rests back on the bed, Jun lets his eyes move over your face as you hide half of it behind your arm. You were too pretty to hide like that but it wasnât the time to make you do anything different.Â
ââCourse. Your turn to worry about me now?âÂ
You canât help but smile at Junâs words before rolling your eyes, knowing heâs teasing you. You can see the small smile pulling at his lips as he turns on his side to face you; his arm is almost long enough that his fingers are able to brush your arm, but he doesnât.Â
âI was just asking. You sounded like you were in pain. Iââ Moving your arm so you can speak more clearly, you watch as Junâs brows furrow once again when your arm ends up against his fingers. âIâm just⊠I didnât mean for any of this to happen. Iâm sorry.âÂ
He didnât want your apology and he didnât need it. Sighing, Jun adjusts his head on his arm, testing the waters as he rests the back of his index finger against your arm and runs his thumb along the side of it gently as he talks, feeling goosebumps spread under his touch.Â
âShit happens when you live like we do, Y/N. I told you that. I knew who those pricks were and what they were capable of. I didnât want them around you for a reason.âÂ
Your eyes shift to where Junâs fingers rest against your arm as you listen to him speak. You know that you can move or ask him to stop, but you find yourself not wanting either of those things. There is comfort in his touch. Itâs the same comfort that you felt from the moment he put his hands over your eyes to shield you from what he had done to save you.Â
âI know. I shouldnât have gone against that⊠Itâs justâif it hadnât been me, it would have been one of the others. I think I know that now. None of the girls were comfortable.âÂ
Taking in a deep breath, Jun nods, drawing a small circle with his thumb near your wrist before wrapping his fingers around it, lightly letting your arm rest in his palm.Â
âIf we want to point fingers, there are plenty to point in all directions. I shouldnât have allowed them into the bar. I knew what they were⊠I know who they work for.âÂ
Your fingers tremble as you lift your eyes to meet Junâs. With how he is holding your wrist in his, you are able to drop your hand and rest it on the inside of his forearm, the tips of your fingers brushing over his skin. You watch him for a moment, watching the way his lips fall open to the sensation before Jun licks his lips and glances at yours as you speak.Â
âI donât blame you. Iâwell honestly, before... when we were in your car, I probably wanted to.âÂ
A smile pulls at Junâs lips when you confess your thoughts to him. Your touch was so light, yet it made his skin feel like it was on fire. It was such an innocent thing and it had him trying so hard to keep himself in check.Â
âYeah? What changed?âÂ
Furrowing your brows, you analyze Junâs smile. You had seen many of his smiles in the few months that you had been working for him but this one was different. If anyone had asked you to describe your boss before tonight, you would have called him stern, cold, indifferent, and even cruel. Watching Jun now, the way his brows furrow and then relax with worry as you stay quiet for longer than he would like, you know it would be different. The man you were getting to know now was guarded, caring, and warm.Â
âYou did.â
The sound of voices pulls you from your sleep. Glancing around the unfamiliar room, you start panicking at first, reaching for where Jun had been, only to find the smooth satin sheet under your fingers. Itâs only the sound of his voice and that of his laughter that brings your heart rate back down, making you realize he hadnât left you; he was just in another room.
Furrowing your brows, you try to listen carefully to what Jun is saying and who else is talking when it dawns on you that the other voice belongs to Minghao. The next thing that hits you is the smell of food and the sound of your stomach growling. It had been far too long since you had eaten and you were starting to feel it.Â
Sitting up, you glance around for something to put on your lower half, only for a smile to pull at your lips when you notice a familiar bag next to the end of the bed. Jun had told you that Minghao was going to bring you things from your place and it had seemed that both had kept their promise. Sliding from the bed, you glance towards the door before pulling the bag up and onto the floor, opening it to see what had been packed for you.Â
Jun glances back down the hall for the umpteenth time, making Minghao roll his eyes with a smirk on his face. He had seen Jun watch you at the bar, but it was never this bad. Sure, Minghao understood the gravity of what had happened, but it wasnât like there was danger lingering in the doorway to the bedroom at all times. You were simply sleeping in after a difficult day.Â
âSheâs fine. Stop being such a fuckinââÂ
Pointing the kitchen knife in the direction of his best friend, Jun stops Minghao before he starts. He knew he would never actually hurt him; however, that didnât make Jun any less threatening with a sharp object in his hands. Lifting his hands from his thighs, Minghao leans back on the kitchen bar stool, his eyes falling to the vegetables that Jun had been cutting up to go into the omelette he was making for you.Â
âFine⊠so sensitive in the morning. Youâve never cooked for me.â
Scoffing, Jun adds the chives to his bowl as he meets Minghaoâs eyes, whisking them in with the eggs.Â
"Well, I donât like you so...âÂ
You couldnât help the smile that was pulling at your lips as you watched the two men bantering in the kitchen. You didnât want to interrupt them, but after you had gotten dressed in some of the jeans and a long sleeved shirt, you followed their voices and the smell of the food. Now you were leaning against the tall cabinets, biting at your thumbnail, trying to stay quiet until Minghao noticed you and his brows raised in interest.Â
Jun wasnât the only one that found you attractive; maybe he was just a bit more forward with it, but Minghao couldnât help but let his eyes move over you in the simple outfit. Taking a breath, the man drops his eyes when Jun notices him staring over his shoulder, making him curious at what could be so interesting that Minghaoâs face had lit up. One glance in your direction told him everything he needed to know.Â
âHey, morning. Iâm making you some food. Come here⊠Do uhâyou like eggs? I donât actually know.âÂ
Still smiling, you feel your cheeks burn at their attention as Minghao peeks back up to watch you moving closer, your bare feet on the tile as you glance into the pan, watching the omelette cook.Â
âIt smells so good. I do like eggs. I should be cooking for you, though.âÂ
Scoffing, Jun turns his body so there is no way you could take the pan from him after hearing you laugh softly. His eyes follow you as you move around the island to take a seat next to Minghao, who presses his lips together before looking over at you. Jun furrows his brows at the manâs reaction. It was like he was attracted to you, but that was ridiculous, right?
âMorning, Minghao. Thank you for bringing me stuff from my house.âÂ
Smirking softly, Minghao nods, his eyes moving along your face as his fingers slowly tap against his arm.Â
âNo problem. I didnât have a choice anyway, but it wasnât the worst thing this asshole has ever made me do.âÂ
Jun rolls his eyes as he tilts the pan towards a plate, letting the omelette slide out onto it. He knew that while Minghao was teasing him, he also wasnât lying. There had been plenty that he had asked of him, and asking him to pack up a few things from your house was one of the easiest things he had ever done.Â
Sliding the plate across the island, Jun watches as you smile up at him, taking it with a small thank you before you pick up the fork and glance at both of the men with a laugh. Neither of them had food in front of them and Jun was already cleaning up where he had been cooking.
âWait? You arenât going to eat too?âÂ
Leaning back in his chair, Minghao shakes his head. He extends his arm to rest it on the back of your chair out of habit as he looks towards Jun, who sighs softly, using his forearm to turn on the sink.Â
âWe already did. You slept in, Y/N. Donât worry about us; eat up. You want something to drink?âÂ
Cutting into the omelette, you sigh, glancing towards Minghao as he asks you about a drink. Why are both of them taking care of you now? The look in his eyes was so similar to Junâs when he took the time to dry you off after your shower before pulling his shirt down over your body.Â
âUm⊠yes?âÂ
Nodding as he slides out of his chair, Minghao moves around Jun as if he belongs in the penthouse, opening the fridge to take out a pitcher of juice. You watch as the men exchange a few words in passing, with Jun passing a glass to Minghao before the glass is then slid over to you. Taking your first bite of food, you let out a breath through your nose in disbelief at how both of them are acting compared to how you remember watching Minghao drag a man out of Junâs office the day before.Â
âWhat? You donât like orange juice? Everyone likes orange juice, doll.â
After a couple of days of being in Junâs penthouse, you were starting to go stir crazy. You were feeling more like yourself and it was getting harder and harder to act normal around Jun while sleeping next to him every night. While Jun had his office in his penthouse and all of the comforts of his home around him, you were a visitor with a bag and wandering eyes.Â
Jun had gone to great lengths to try to keep you entertained. He had given you access to his credit cards and a laptop, which you refused to use. You had access to his entire penthouse, including a pool, and yet you were sitting on the reading sofa in his office. Glancing up from his desk over his glasses as you sigh for what he could only assume was the twentieth time in the last hour, his resolve breaks.Â
âY/N⊠are you struggling to breathe, darling?âÂ
Looking up from your phone, you pout at Jun as he uses his index finger to pull his glasses down his nose, getting a better look at you from the distance from the desk to the sofa. You could feel your mouth go dry at how he was looking at you. There was a sense of danger in his gaze. You could tell he was annoyed with you, but so were you. Worst of all, you were bored, and you were starting to get homesick.Â
âMaybe. Itâs stuffy in this penthouse. I want to go out.âÂ
Scoffing, Jun pushes his glasses back up his nose, looking back at his computer screen. You have already tried this a few times today. He knew you wanted to leave, but you were forgetting how much danger you were in. The trauma was starting to be masked by impatience. Meanwhile, he was often reminded of just how real the danger was.Â
âI bet you do. Go for a swim, then youâll be outside, darling.âÂ
Leaning your head back, you groan like a petulant child being told no. Smirking to himself at your reaction, Jun clicks through the pictures of the burned cars from his personal garage located at the bar. You hear him sigh, his brow lifting as he rolls his neck. That aura of danger is very present as anger washes over him.Â
âMotherfuckerâŠâÂ
Furrowing your brows, you sit up as if you are going to move towards him when Jun looks at you, making you change your mind.Â
âIâwhatâs wrong?âÂ
Jun simply shakes his head and lifts his hand, pushing his lips hard with his thumb as he tries to think about how to phrase what he wants to tell you. He didnât want you to be as terrified as you were when he first brought you home and he didnât want you to be watching over your shoulder every second for the rest of your life. He knew he would have to take care of this problem but that wasnât something you needed every detail of. No, that was something he could metaphorically shield your eyes from.Â
âJust⊠There was some property damage at the bar. Nothing for you to worry about. Nothing that I canât handle from here.âÂ
You could see there was more on Junâs mind, but something about that look in his eye made you not want to push the subject much more.Â
âOkay⊠âÂ
Furrowing your brows, you sit back on the sofa, watching Jun run his fingers through his hair before he pulls most of it back out of the way. Tilting your head as the minutes pass, you let your eyes move over his face and down to his hands as he works.
Jun glances towards you every few minutes, a smirk pulling up at one side of his lips each time he finds you looking at him, only for you to look away when you get caught. That was becoming a frequent occurrence, and one that he was starting to enjoy. It wasnât just here that it happened, but also as the two of you lay in bed at night or early in the morning. He would wake up to find your eyes on him before you would close your eyes, pretending to still be asleep.Â
You were bored; Jun knew that⊠He also knew you kept thinking about what was going on outside of the penthouse. You were thinking about the bar, your house, friends and family perhaps. You needed a distraction. He could do that. Maybe he had just been holding back too much.Â
Biting his bottom lip, Jun hears you take a deep breath before he looks over at you to watch you once again look away quickly. You were painfully obvious and so fucking adorable. Reaching over with his left hand, Jun turns off his monitor as he tilts his head, watching you try to look busy scrolling through your phone.Â
âKitten?âÂ
Your cheeks burn at the pet name, and your eyes meet Junâs as you glance at him over your phone. He had called you that name before and many others, but this time the name felt different and it made your thighs press together out of instinct.Â
Seeing you shift at his voice, Jun runs his tongue along his teeth. He knew you were listening to him and he had an effect on you. Thatâs all he needed to know. Lifting his right hand, palm up, he bends his index finger back twice, summoning you to him.Â
Just watching Junâs finger move, the look on his face is enough to make your skin feel like itâs on fire. You curse at yourself under your breath for the reaction you have before glancing away. You know you shouldn't be acting like you are over your boss, but a sigh falls from his lips along with your name and you are on your feet, moving towards his desk.Â
Sliding his chair back slightly, Jun follows you with his eyes the entire way until you are standing in front of him. Leaning his head back, he smirks at you, really looking at you for the first time since you stepped into his penthouse. He had been respectful so far, but now you could feel him undressing you with his eyes and you felt exposed and aroused.Â
Leaning your hand against the desk at your right, you take a deep breath, waiting for Jun to speak. You had a good idea where this was headed, but you werenât going to make a complete idiot out of yourself by throwing yourself at him. It was bad enough that you were pressing your thighs together in your jeans as you shifted your legs almost uncomfortably as you stood there waiting.Â
Jun was enjoying making you wait. You looked like a dog waiting for a treat. He had your treat, watching you do the stay command like such a good girl until he said the word. Shifting his legs apart, Jun lets out a breath as he lets his eyes finally move back up to your eyes.Â
âIâll ask this first. Do you want this? I wonât make you do anything, but I donât plan on going easy on you, darling.âÂ
Blinking a few times, you feel your mouth go dry at Junâs words. You hadnât been wrong and you had never been so aroused in your entire life. You knew what had happened to you at the barâthe feeling of the manâs hand on your skinâbut now, as your eyes move over Junâs hand, remembering it on your skin as he took care of you afterwards, you find yourself wanting him to cover up that bad feeling with something good. You just didnât want to give in so easily. Licking your lips, you tilt your head as Jun does the same.Â
âThis? This⊠what? Iâm not sure I know what youâre talking about, Mr. Wen.âÂ
Jun sucks his bottom lip between his teeth at your words, feeling his palm itch. You were being a brat and he knew it. You knew exactly what he meantâespecially with your âMr. Wenâ bullshit. He could hear the purr in your voice and it was making his pants tight. Lifting his hand, Jun scratches his eyebrow, an unamused laugh slipping from between his lips as you shift to stand on one foot, your other allowing your toes to run along your ankle.Â
âMmm, baby.â You canât help the small smile that plays at your lips when you hear the frustration in Junâs voice, his eyes moving over your legs and up your body as he speaks. âIf you think you can tease me and get away with it, you are going to learn you are sorely mistaken. Iâll ask again, more clearly, and I wonât ask again. Do you want me to fuck you, or not?âÂ
Jun watches as the confidence that you had been building to tease him quickly fades at his question. All that brain power that you had thinking up ways to get him riled up was now being used to picture getting your pussy filled by him. It was cute watching how quickly he could make you crumble. Such a smart girl goes dumb and just nods. Pointing at his lips, Jun signals for you to use your words. By clearing your throat, you try to sound louder than you actually are.Â
âIâI want you to.âÂ
Nodding along with your words, Jun reaches out to slide his fingers along your hip, pulling you towards him and causing you to stumble, but he is quick to help you settle on his lap.Â
âThen thatâs all you had to say. Isnât that easier? Brats donât get things they want, but good girls do. Remember that. I donât like when my palm itches, kitten.âÂ
Swallowing hard, you glance down to Junâs hand as he runs it along your thigh. You canât remember a time when you had fallen so hard in lust with another man. Resting your hand on his chest, you meet Junâs eyes once again as he leans his head back to watch you closely, his thumb brushing your inner thigh going further up your leg.Â
âI⊠umââ Watching your legs spread as you struggle to think straight, Jun smirks, moving his hand to the button keeping your jeans clasped. âI donât know what that means. What will you do to me if your palm itches?â
Jun grins, his brows lifting at your question. He wasnât sure if you were still being bratty or seriously asking that question. Pushing his thumb against the clasp of your jeans, he uses his other fingers to work the metal button from its secure hold so that it gives way letting your jeans undo for him.Â
âMeans Iâd have to punish you, baby. Donât make me do that. Understand?âÂ
Lifting his free hand, Jun holds your chin so that you meet his eyes, his other hand sliding along your stomach under your shirt. You sucked in a breath, feeling his thumbnail circle your belly button, Junâs lips pulled up in a smirk as his words seemed to dawn on your face and you nodded.Â
âGood girl. Stand up; let me get you out of these clothes. You donât need them anymore.âÂ
Letting out a shaky breath, you feel your hands tremble as you slide off Junâs lap to stand between his legs. You didnât want to be as easy as you were being with him or as quick as you were to listen to him, but his tone of voice had your mouth drooling and your panties sticking to your folds.Â
Jun tugs at your jeans, pulling them down your legs, letting his eyes move with them. He had seen almost every inch of your body already, but this was completely different. He was able to really drink you in this time. He could allow himself to actually look at you and you were the most stunning thing he had ever seen in his entire life.Â
Sucking in a breath, Junâs eyes focus on the wet spot on the center front of your panties as you lift your legs for him, letting him remove your jeans all together. God, you were already so wet for him. He couldnât wait to see just how wet you were.Â
Jun wanted to take his time with you but there would be plenty of time for that. He was impatient and his cock was straining against his pants as his hands tugged your panties down your legs. You listen to the groan that slips past his lips and your thighs push together in reaction. The sound was almost sinful as he saw how your folds were glistening in the light.Â
Glancing up at you, Jun pushes his hands up your stomach, letting you help him pull your shirt up and over your head. His eyes fall to your breasts, his mouth watering, brow lifting. He had wondered if you were wearing anything under your shirt earlier, but respect for you had stopped him from looking too closeânow he knew his answer.Â
âNow you?âÂ
Smirking at your question, Jun shakes his head, leaning back in his chair. He had no plans on getting as naked as you were. He enjoyed seeing you completely naked in front of him. You whine his name, and Jun gives you a faux pout of concern, lifting his hand to tug open the buttons of his shirt.Â
âYouâll take what I give you and thank me for it.âÂ
Your breath gets caught in your throat as you try to process what Jun has said to you. No man has ever spoken to you like that and you enjoy it. You find yourself trying to fight the goosebumps that spread over your skin at the idea of him walking this fine line of meanness and caring. Your eyes follow his fingers to the end of his shirt as he tugs it loose from his pants, shifting in his chair. You had seen Junâs body before, at least his torso and you had appreciated it, but this was different. You wanted to run your hands over every line and ridge of his muscles, but you find yourself standing as still as you can as he keeps his eyes on you, using one hand to undo his belt and pants slowly.Â
Lifting his hips, Jun pushes his pants and briefs down, letting them fall to his ankles as your mouth falls open in surprise. You had let your eyes wander to his sweatpants more than once. You had curiously looked at his bulge and wondered just how big he might be, but seeing his cock hard and resting back against his abdomenâyour heart was racing.Â
Seeing the expression on your face, Jun couldnât help feeling his ego expand. He knew he was big, perhaps bigger than some would expect and better than that, and he knew how to use what he had been given. Smirking, he leans his head back, reaching down to wrap his hand around his shaft, stroking himself from tip to base, knowing you were watching him closely.Â
âKitten⊠Your mouth is watering. Tell meâdo you want to sit on it or do you want to suck on it?â
Feeling your cheeks burning, you look from Junâs hands to his eyes and back, stuttering over your words, not sure what to say. He was being so forward and that wasnât something you were used to.Â
âWhaâI⊠I donâtââÂ
Laughing under his breath, Jun groans, pushing his thumb against his slit and arching his hips upwards towards the feeling as pre-cum drips down his thumb into his palm. Letting go of his cock, Jun lifts his hand and purses his lips once again, bending his finger back towards him to make you come to him. You watch the pre-cum slide over his skin towards his wrist, making your knees feel weak.Â
âItâs okay, darling. I know you donât have any thoughts in your pretty head but getting fucked. Get on your knees and let me use that mouth to get my cock wet. Gotta make sure itâs wet enough to squeeze it into your little cunt, donât we?âÂ
Your head was spinning as Junâs hand wrapped around your wrist and you lowered yourself to your knees in front of him. In the past, you had cussed out guys for much less and turned down tinder dates when they asked to see your pussy, referring to it as your âcuntâ. Yet, here you were on your knees, wanting Jun to fuck yours.Â
Kicking one of his legs out of his pants, Jun moves his hand from your wrist to your face as you move between his legs, looking up at him for direction. It was both the most adorable thing and the sexiest thing he had seen in his life. You looked just like that puppy waiting for a treat. Your lips slightly parted, your head tilted back, and your hands on his knees. He felt like he could cum on the spot just looking at you, but he had better control than that, and he had plans for you.Â
Guiding you forward, Jun uses his other hand to hold his cock, angling it so that his tip rests against your lips. You open your mouth as Jun bites at his bottom lip, a groan caught in his throat when his tip glides along your warm, wet tongue. Nails scratch at your jaw, fingers sliding down while Jun lifts his hips, just slightly pushing his cock even further into your mouth until you close your eyes and tighten your hand on his thigh.Â
You hadnât taken all of his cock in your mouthânot even close. You could almost feel him in your throat as Jun held your head still for a moment. Letting go of your head, he lets you move on your own as he leans his head back, groaning your name under his breath.Â
Jun knew he wasnât going to be able to let you keep your mouth on him for long. He had plans for you and they didnât involve him cumming prematurely down your throat, no matter how good you were with your mouth. That didnât mean he couldnât enjoy it for a few minutes. It didnât mean he couldnât relish in the feeling of you gagging around him as you forced yourself down further on his cock. You werenât a quitterâŠÂ Jun could appreciate that.Â
âFuuuckkââÂ
The word is drawn out on a groan as Jun looks down at you on your knees, feeling you finally pull back for air. He meets your eyes and he knows you are going to go back for more, but his hand catches your throat loosely and you stop in your tracks. The action scares you at first. You gasp, your eyes widening, but Jun purses his lips and shakes his head at your panicked whimper as he runs his thumb along your pulse point.Â
âYou think Iâd ever fucking hurt you? PrincessâŠno. Iâd wear your ass out and then kiss it better, but Iâd never actually hurt you in a way you wouldnât like.âÂ
Using a bit of pressure to urge you to stand, Jun lifts you by your throat as you stand on your own. Looking up at you, he grins as you shiver in his grasp, leaning towards him, finally relaxing as he slides his hand towards your collarbone.Â
âRed, if you want me to stop; if anything hurts or scares you too much. Yellow, if you need to slow down or if you need a break. Green, if you are okay. If I ask you for your color, you donât hesitate to tell me. Understand?âÂ
Nodding, you lick your lips as Junâs free hand slides over your hip before he guides you towards his desk.Â
âGood girl. Up you go.âÂ
You give him a confused look until Jun stands, kicking his foot free of his pants as both his hands move to your waist, lifting you on to his desk. Stepping between your legs, Jun smirks down at you as you lean back slightly, trying to avoid pushing any of his paperwork or supplies out of your way.Â
âSo timid and sweet after sucking my cock like a slut... what are you so worried about? Some pens and paper?â
Your cheeks burn when Jun degrades you. Leaning one hand against the desk, Jun reaches behind you to swipe most of the files and office supplies onto the floor with a loud clang. You canât help but jump to the sound as he grins against your ear.Â
âNow you can lean back without worrying what you might hit. If the computer falls off, Iâll just buy another one. I have a feeling this will make breaking anything in my office worth it.âÂ
Jun laughs when you whine his name and shake your head, trying to argue with him. Leaning back just enough to hover his face in front of yours, Jun watches your mouth fall open when he slides his fingers through your wet folds. His brows furrow at the feeling of your soft folds against his fingers and just how wet you were for him. It was one thing to see it, but it was another to feel it.Â
âFuck, baby⊠Youâre dripping on my fingers. You want my cock that bad?âÂ
You can only moan and push your hips towards Junâs fingers when you feel him push two against your entrance. You want to answer him and defend your dignity, but instead you only prove him right when you sob his name on another moan, feeling his fingers start to stretch you out.Â
Resting his forehead against yours, Jun smirks at hearing the sweet sounds slipping from between your lips. They were the sounds of his dreams and his daydreams. He could recall many days and nights spent with you in his head and him wondering how you would sound with his fingers stuffed in your pussy, and now he knew. You sounded angelic.Â
âThatâs right⊠you got my cock all wet, kitten, but now I have to stretch out this tight little hole. Gotta make sure I donât hurt you.âÂ
Tears collect in your eyes as your nails scratch at the wood under you, feeling a third finger sliding into you. The stretch is intense but welcomed, just like the dirty words being whispered against your lips. Gasping for a breath, you roll your hips down over Junâs fingers, tilting your head up to brush your lips against Junâs, testing the waters. A bit of fear ripples through your body like waves in a pool when he doesnât kiss you back at first. Instead, Jun groansâa sound similar to a growl in his throatâand his fingers push into you hard and deep before he bites at your lips, claiming your kiss for his own.Â
Jun had wanted to kiss you, but he had been worried. He had been afraid to scare you off with intimacy or perhaps to get too attached. All that faded away when your lips met his and he knew that he was fucked. You were his in every sense of the word as his lips pressed to yours, his tongue sliding into your mouth, and your walls began to tighten around his fingers like a vice.Â
You reach up to cling to Junâs jacket, scratching at the soft linen, wishing you could get to the skin as he smirks against your lips, feeling you cum around his fingers. Squeezing your quivering thighs around his body, you try to beg for mercy. Jun laughs into a whispered groan of âagainâ against your lips, feeling you clamp down on his fingers, another orgasm ripping through your body.Â
As your body relaxes, Jun carefully slides his fingers out of you, lifting his hand towards his mouth to suck his fingers clean. Your heart races not only from the intensity of your orgasms, but also from the sight of Jun licking your cum from his fingers as he groans in appreciation.Â
âDelicious⊠I knew you would be, kitten. Been wanting to do this since the day I hired you.âÂ
Jun grins around his index finger as you press your lips together, obviously embarrassed by his words and how forward he is being with you. He was enjoying every drop of you on his fingers. He wanted to bury his face between your legs and pull an orgasm out of you before he fucked you, but the painful throb of his cock was telling him otherwise.Â
âColor?âÂ
Swallowing hard, you nod as you take a breath. You knew Jun wanted a verbal answer, you just needed to find the words and your voice after two orgasms. Your mouth felt like cotton and he looked impatient. Licking your dry lips, you let out your breath slowly and finally manage to speak quietly, but itâs enough for Jun.Â
âGreen, Iâm okay.âÂ
To Jun, you were more than okay. He could see the look in your eye and he knew you wanted his cock. He had felt how your pussy was sucking his fingers back in, and he had a feeling youâd do the same with his cock. Nodding, Jun lifts his brows, using his hand to angle the head of his cock against your folds so that he pushes against your clit. Hearing you whine, still sensitive, he smirks and tilts his head, knowing he needs to ask more questions, though he wants to just bury himself in you.Â
âTell me, darling. When was the last time you had something inside you?âÂ
Your breath quickens as you answer Junâs question. You were almost afraid to answer him, afraid he wouldnât like the answer or, worse, that he would like it too much. You were a busy woman and it was his fault.Â
âA while⊠probably, I donât know, six months, maybe closer to seven.âÂ
Jun nods, enjoying the idea of no one has been close to you for the past few months. If he had his way now, no one would be except him. Licking his lips, Jun meets your eyes, leaning his head to the side as you try to look past him, feeling under pressure under his gaze.Â
âAre you on birth control? Hm?â
He could tell you were surprised by the question. That wasnât something guys usually ask you. Typically, they would just put on a condom or wait for you to tell them, but Jun was different. When you look taken aback, Jun grins and rolls his eyes, lifting his hand to brush it over your warm cheek as he uses his other to tease your clit again with his cock. You canât help the moan that escapes your mouth as you lift your hips, almost instinctively searching for Junâs cock at the feeling, but Jun just tsks, pushing your hips back down.Â
âNot so fast, baby. Answer the question. Yes or no? I want to fill you up⊠but I wonât tonight if you arenât on ââÂ
âI am! Please, just, oh my god. Stop teasing me?âÂ
Hearing you beg was something special and Jun knew he could get used to the sound of it. He could feel how he was leaking against your folds just from the sound of it and now he wasnât going to make you wait. Jun watches your face as he pushes into you, the way your mouth falls open as he stretches you slowly.Â
You knew he had taken time to make you cum on his fingers twice and yet you were clinging to Jun as he slowly eased his cock into you, making sure you could handle him. It wasnât painful, but by the time he rested his hand against the swell of your ass, scratching his nails against your skin to the feeling of you clenching around him, you felt the fullest you had ever felt.Â
âPlease. Please⊠Oh, fuckâŠâÂ
Begging again... Jun groans, feeling his head spin and his stomach tighten at the sound of your voice. He wasnât sure he was going to be able to control himself, but with how you were begging, he wasnât sure you wanted him to and he had said he wasnât going to go easy on you. Sliding his hand back to your throat, Jun feels you swallow hard under his palm as his hips meet yours hard, thrusting into you so deeply that tears instantly fall from the corners of your eyes.
You had been with several men over the years, but none of them had ever made you feel like you were simultaneously floating and drowning at the same time. It was hard to catch your breath between the panic of having Junâs hand on your throat and the pleasure of Junâs cock hitting you perfectly with every single thrust.Â
When Junâs hand tightens around your throat, your hand moves quickly to grab his forearm out of fear of what he is going to do to you. Jun smirks at your reaction before his expression softens. He could tell you were scared, but he needed to show you there was nothing to be scared of.Â
Watching you carefully, Jun watches your lips fall open in pleasure as your walls tighten around him, your orgasm taking you back over the edge before he squeezes your neck just tight enough that you canât catch your breath. You feel yourself let go; your brain goes fuzzy, but as soon as you relax around Jun, his hand loosens around your neck and his lips press to your cheek.Â
âBreathe. A big, deep breath for me, beautiful. There you go. Tell me how fucking good that felt?âÂ
You find it hard to think straight, much less speak, as Jun lifts your knee to his hip, burying his cock so deep that you feel like he is in your stomach. Groaning against your neck, Jun turns his head to press his lips against your soft skin before latching on to it, sucking a deep mark so that you will remember where he was as his climax rolls through him.Â
With every thrust, Jun pushes his cum back into you until he finally comes to a stop with his hips pressed against yours. Feeling your thighs trembling on either side of him, Jun smiles against your neck with a groan. He knew he needed to move, get you cleaned up, and get all of his cum out of you, but keeping his cock and his cum in you was too tempting. You were warm, tight, and wet. Jun could get used to being inside of you and he could get used to the idea of stuffing you full of his cum.Â
Leaning back to look down at you, Jun tilts his head as he studies you. He wanted to get to know you better. He wanted to be able to just look at you and read your mind, he wasnât at the point yet. If he wanted to know something now, heâd have to ask and hope that you told him the truth or that he knew you at least well enough that if you lied to him, heâd know.Â
âMm, wasnât that better than going out, darling?â
Sighing, you canât stop yourself before you roll your eyes, causing Jun to laugh at your reaction. That was better than lying to him. You were a brat, but he was going to have fun breaking you out of it. Running his finger over your cheek, Jun watches you bite your lip as you run your thigh along his hip to rest your foot over his ass to get comfortable under him.Â
âIt was fun, but Iâd still like to go out.â
Taking a breath, Jun narrows his eyes before looking to the side at his computer, which luckily hadnât fallen off his desk while fucking you. He remembered the pictures of several of his ruined cars and what it could mean for you if you were found by the prick who wanted you. You didnât understand, and you didnât really know the situation. Maybe he could compromise with you.Â
âTomorrow... for no more than an hour, but you go with Minghao. You arenât going anywhere alone. Do I make myself clear, Y/N?âÂ
Meeting your eyes, Jun waits for you to nod before he leans to press his lips to yours. A groan slips from his lips as he slowly slips his cock out of you. Your brows furrow at the feeling of being empty and the sticky feeling of cum between your legs.Â
Stretching his back, Jun glances between your thighs, only to smirk at the sight of his cum starting to drip out of you. He feels his cock already twitch as he feels aroused at the sight. Shaking his head, he runs his fingers through your sensitive folds, pushing two fingers into you and slowly meeting your eyes as your mouth falls open in surprise.Â
âMm, what? I donât want my cum to drip on the floor. You can handle one more, canât you, honey?â
Glancing over at you, one hand on the wheel, the other resting his thumbnail against his lips, Minghao listens to your sigh as you look at your phone. When he got to the penthouse, he could tell things were different. The air felt different, you looked different, and Jun looked even cockier. But then Jun had grabbed your chin and kissed you so hard that Minghao was sure he had knocked you out, and he knew what was different.Â
âYou fucked him?â
Minghao had been quiet, uncharacteristically so, since he had gotten to the penthouse. You enjoyed Minghaoâs company, even before all the drama or before what had happened between you and Jun, so his acting so odd was making you feel unsettled. You were trying to distract yourself and enjoy the feeling of not being cooped up in the penthouse when Minghaoâs words shocked you back to reality.Â
âIâwhaââÂ
âItâs actually not a question. I donât know why I asked it like that. I know you did. Heâs even cockier than normal.âÂ
You feel heat rising along your neck and face as Minghao rolls his neck, a hint of annoyance dripping off his tongue with each word. Why did he care? Was he jealous? Furrowing your brows, you shift in the seat of Mingyuâs G Wagon. You were embarrassed and looking for anything else to talk about.
âIâuh. Why arenât we⊠Where is your Ferrari? Did you bring Mingyuâs car to be less conspicuous? âCause I donât think a G Wagon is much better.âÂ
Rolling his eyes, Minghao leans his head back, glancing over at you with a smirk. He could tell you were flustered and deflecting. It wasnât going to work.Â
âCute, nice try, doll. Uh, I hate this tank. Itâs big and unnecessary, just like Gyu. But my carâŠâÂ
Sighing, Minghao furrows his brows, looking out at the road turning onto the highway that would lead him towards your apartment. He didnât like that it was where you wanted to go, but it was your request, and Jun had told him, âanywhere she wants to go for an hourâ.Â
âItâs seen better days. It was in the garage when all the others got fucked.âÂ
Furrowing your brows, you give Minghao a confused look, making him give you one right back before his face changes. Jun hadnât told you what had happened and he had said too much. Clearing his throat, Minghao shakes his head and the corners of his lips turn down as he shrugs, trying to think of how to fix his big mouth.Â
âMinghao⊠What happened? You were the one who would usually tell me shit. Donât do this to me. Donât I deserve to know?âÂ
You watch as Minghao lets out a drawn out breath once again, leaning his head back against the leather headrest. His hand tightens on the steering wheel before he nods and curses under his breath. He knew this was stupid and that Jun would be pissed off at him, but you werenât wrong. You deserved to know.Â
âThere was a hit at the lounge. The garage where Jun keeps his cars?â Minghaoâs eyes meet yours to make sure you know what he is talking about. When you nod, he continues looking back out at the road. âSomeone set every fucking car in that fuckinâ garage on fire. We got lucky that we have a fire suppression system so it kicked in before it spread to the bar.âÂ
Lifting your hands to your lips, you feel your stomach flip with anxiety. You knew Jun had told you about some property damage but the way he had said it, you thought perhaps there was some graffiti on the side of the building or broken windows. This was more than some simple property damage. They were trying to kill people or at least make a point.Â
Minghao nods, seeing your reaction out of the corner of his eye as he pulls into your building complexâs parking lot. His eyes scan the parking lot before he reaches over your lap to open the glove box, taking out a 9 mm. Meeting your eyes, he lifts his brow at your reaction as he slips the gun into the back of his jeans.Â
âI just told you what happened at the bar; you think Iâm going anywhere without one? Besides, you think I went anywhere without one before? Come on, doll... Use your head. Your time is ticking; your boyfriend wants you home soon.âÂ
Not waiting for your response, Minghao opens his door and slides out of the car, the door slamming hard and making you sigh loudly. You wanted to tell him that Jun wasnât your boyfriend, but in truth, you werenât even sure what he was. By the time you start to get out of the car, Minghao has your door open, his brows lifted at your delayed movement. Rolling your eyes, you slide off the seat and stand next to him, closer than you anticipated, as he meets your eyes, letting them fall to your lips once before looking up and away.Â
Your breath quickens, and your heart begins to race even from the small look shared by the two of you. You find yourself wondering if he had felt the small thing or if you were just too much in your head after everything that had happened between you and Jun in such a short amount of time. Taking your wrist in his hand, Minghaoâs eyes scan the parking lot as he slides the keys into his leather jacket, pulling you alongside him towards the building.Â
âYou are walking so fast, Minghao... Why are you mad at me?âÂ
Rolling his eyes at your question, Minghao uses his shoulder to push the door open, letting you move past him before he follows you, taking your hand in his to keep you close to him. You furrow your brows at the feeling, but as he keeps looking behind the two of you until you reach your apartment door, you can only frown at him until he finally answers, letting you take out your keys.Â
âIâm⊠Itâs not that. Iâm not mad at you. Iâm doing a fucking job, Y/N. StopââÂ
Reaching up with your key, you put your hand on your door when Minghao tells you to stop, but you feel your door giveaway under your touch. Your question had distracted him just enough that he hadnât noticed the way your door looked ajar. Grabbing your wrist, Minghao pulls you behind him as he uses the other to take out the gun, flipping the safety with his thumb before pushing the door open with his shoulder, ready to pull the trigger if necessary.Â
You feel your heart in your throat as you cling to Minghaoâs leather jacket, your fingernails scratching at the leather out of nerves. He keeps his hand on you even as he kicks your door back in place behind the two of you, not wanting someone to come in behind him. You swallow hard, afraid to close your eyes but also too afraid to peek around Minghaoâs arm, nervous that someone will be there and that you will see him use his gun.Â
âIâm gonna move my hand, Y/N. Stay behind me; you got it.âÂ
Nodding against his back, you sniff back tears, glancing down at your floor and seeing your things scattered. It was obvious that someone had been in your apartment and they were either looking for something or they were mad you werenât there.Â
Minghao curses under his breath at the state of your apartment. It had only been a few days since he had been there. You kept a clean, organized place, and now your couch was turned over, your entertainment center was on the floor, and the TV was shattered. He could see empty frames, the pictures taken, or at least you were ripped out of the pictures.Â
Taking each room slowly, Minghaoâs anxiety calms down with each one until he finally realizes that no one is there. Turning to face you, he cups your face with one hand, wiping your tears with his thumb as he puts the safety back on his gun, putting it back into his jeans. Taking out his cellphone, Minghao puts it to his ear and you hear Junâs voice muffled against his ear as you finally look around, letting out a sob.Â
Jun sits up, hearing the sound of your fear and sorrow. He was ready to stand up and walk out the door if necessary, but Minghaoâs sigh made his brows furrow. Something was wrong, but Minghao didnât seem distressed, just pissed.Â
âWhat the fuck is going on, Hao?â
Lifting your head so he can wipe the other side of your face as you cry, Minghao shushes you, moving you to sit on your bed among some of your clothes that had been pulled from your closet and drawers. He watches you carefully as you pick up one of your dresses, your fingers holding it up realizing it had been ripped to the point that it wasnât something you could repair. They had destroyed anything they could get their hands on to make a point.Â
"Fuckers broke into her place. They ransacked it, took pictures, and ripped up her shit.â
Junâs teeth grind together for multiple reasons. One, he hadnât wanted you to go back to your apartment. He knew that if this was reversed and he was going after someone, that was the first place he would sit, waiting for the mark to come back. Two, he was furious that they had gone through your stuff and taken personal items. This was worse than his cars. He could replace those, but could he repair your sense of security?Â
âIâare you fucking stupid? Get her out of there. Iâm gonna kill the son of a bitch. Bring her home, Minghao! Or Iâll come get her myself.âÂ
Jaw clenched at Junâs words, Minghao listens to the phone go silent as Jun hangs up on him. He knew he was upset with him, but he also didnât blame him. He hadnât wanted to bring you here in the first place, but Minghao hadnât wanted to upset you by telling you no. Maybe you needed to get used to hearing it from him.Â
âCome on, Y/N. Iâm taking you home.â
Scoffing, you gesture around you as Minghao talks about taking you home.Â
âI am at home!âÂ
Shaking his head, Minghao grabs your arm, pulling you up with some force and making you whine before he leans to rest his forehead against yours, muttering an apology. He didnât want to scare you, but he needed you to understand how serious this was.Â
âIâm taking you back to Jun. Iâm taking you home. Donât fucking argue with me.âÂ
You swallow hard, your eyes meeting Minghaoâs eyes so close. You nod and lick your lips, turning your arm in his grasp. You wrap your hand around his wrist to make him relax his grip on you. Feeling his body relax under your touch, you nod again, and Minghao tilts his head back to press his lips against your forehead before sighing.Â
âGood girl. Weâll keep you safe.â
Minghao rests his hand on the small of your back as he watches you kick your shoes off in the entryway of the penthouse. You glance up, hearing Junâs voice along with another you didnât recognize. Turning to look at Minghao, he leans his head to the side, gesturing for you to go on as he lets out a breath, hearing how annoyed Jun was.Â
âOf course itâs Park Bonhwa. Donât ask stupid fucking questions, Wonwoo. I pay you to be smart and get shit done.âÂ
Looking up at you and Minghao as you move into the living room, Jun narrows his eyes at Minghao before he meets your eyes and sits up, extending his hand for you. You look towards the dark haired man sitting across from Jun as he pushes his glasses up his nose, his eyes avoiding yours as if he knows not to look at you for too long.Â
Taking Junâs hand, you take a breath, feeling his thumb press into your palm. You watch as his brows lift, his eyes studying you, moving over every inch of you that he can see as if looking for any signs of injury. Itâs only when he is satisfied to see you in one piece, with no damage, that Jun gently tugs at your hand, guiding you to sit down next to him.
âAre you okay? Iâm sorry about your place, darling. Use my card to buy what you need, okay?âÂ
You sigh, leaning into Junâs touch as his fingers move over your cheek as if he has forgotten who was in the room, or more like he doesnât care. Minghao pushes his tongue against his cheek, moving to the armchair near where you and Jun are sitting. You turn to meet his eyes, pulling away from Jun only slightly to do so, causing the man holding your hand to purse his lips.Â
âI donât sue people, Wonwoo. I get even. Heâs always been pathetic, but this is a new level of low.âÂ
Wonwoo leans back on the sofa, glancing over to meet Minghaoâs eyes as Jun speaks. He didnât disagree with anything that he had learned or that was being said, but it wasnât as black or white as Jun was trying to make it out to be. Shaking his head, Wonwoo drums his fingers on his thighs, tilting his head, before he looks back over towards you and Jun.Â
âHe has his fingers in a lot of pots. His casino looks reputable, so I canât touch that, but... we know that theââ Wonwoo laughs into his words, repeating Junâs back to him, ââtrashâ, had weaknesses. They were at your bar for a reason, right, Minghao?â Â
Shifting beside you, Jun lifts his hand, stopping Wonwoo and Minghao before they start. There was too much business talk with you presentâtoo much that you didnât need to know. There were still plenty of things that Jun was trying to protect you from. Both men freeze at just Jun lifting his hand, waiting for him to turn and look at you, a smile on his lips as he brushes his fingers over your cheek.Â
âGo get my card off my desk and the laptop. I want you to go into the bedroom and shop.â
Narrowing your eyes, you shake your head. You knew what Jun was trying to do. You wanted to know what was going on. You didnât want to shop and be sent away as things were whispered just out of earshot from you.Â
âIâno. I donât want to. Just talk. Why canât I stay? I wanna know whatâs going on, Jun. They fucked up my apartment. They took pictures of me and my family. I deserve to know!âÂ
Minghao glances down at his hands in his lap as you dare to raise your voice at Jun. He didnât disagree with you, but he also didnât disagree with Jun. He understood why Jun was keeping you in the dark for so much of this. Jun was trying to keep you pure and fragile. Minghao was just worried that if he kept you fragile for too long, you might shatter. Â
Clenching his jaw when you raise your voice, Jun tightens his hand on your face, his thumb pressing against your jaw as his fingers hold your cheek, keeping your eyes on his. He could feel you try to turn from him, but he wasnât going to let you. He knew you were upset, and maybe another day he would allow it, but today wasnât the day for it. Today wasnât the day for you to get bold and have strong opinions.Â
âShut up. Donât raise your voice at me again, understand me? I adore you, Y/N, but I wonât take that shit. You have no goddamn idea whatâs going on or what Iâm doing for you. So do as I told you and Iâll explain things later.âÂ
Your heart sinks into your stomach when Jun tells you to shut up. You have mixed feelings about the man sitting in front of you and what he is saying to you. On one hand, you are furious that he would talk to you like that, especially in front of other people and on the other hand, you find yourself feeling bad for yelling at him. He was right; you didnât understand and you should be grateful, but how were you supposed to understand if he never told you?
Loosening his grip on your face, Jun watches as your eyes widen only for a few seconds before you nod and lift your hand to wrap it around his wrist. He wasnât trying to be an asshole to you; he was trying to protect you, even if that meant protecting you from yourself. Leaning in to brush his lips over yours, Jun sighs softly before he pulls back and lets go of you completely.Â
Sitting for a moment longer, you let your eyes move past Jun to Minghao, who runs his fingers over his lips. Feeling your eyes on him, he glances up to meet yours before looking away quickly. It was clear who was in charge in the room and it wasnât him or you.Â
Jun watches you do as he told you to, the door to his office opening, the sound of you moving around for a few minutes before you come back out with a laptop against your chest and his black card in your hand. You walk past the men, meeting Junâs eyes as he gives you a wink and gestures towards the bedroom.Â
You knew he probably wanted you to close the door but you also knew that from the living room, unless he stood up and looked, there was no way for him to know. Sitting down on the bed with a loud exhale, you open the laptop and type in a clothing brand to the search bar as you strain your ears to listen to the conversation happening a couple of rooms away.Â
Running his index finger against his lips, Jun furrows his brows, not hearing the sound of the bedroom door closing. He knew you were probably trying to be sneaky, thinking he wouldnât know, but he also didnât have time to deal with every little detail today. At least you werenât in the room so close that you could catch every word. Turning his attention to Minghao, Jun narrows his eyes as his best friend takes in a deep breath, already ready to be berated for what had happened.Â
âWhat the fuck were you thinking?âÂ
Leaning his head back, Minghao lifts his hands off the arms of the chair with a scoff.Â
âThat she wanted to get some more of her shit from her place and that I was with her so I could protect her. You arenât the only one who gives a shitââÂ
Stopping short, Minghao glances back over to Jun, who is obviously biting at his cheek. Taking in a breath to calm himself down, Minghao sits up straighter, leaning over his legs as Wonwoo chews at his lips, feeling like he shouldnât be there for this conversation.Â
âIâm sorry. I fucked up. Iâll run everything by you, always, from now on. Alright?âÂ
Jun waits a moment, letting Minghao sit in his fuckup, before he nods and looks back over to Wonwoo, who looked like he was trying to be anywhere other than where he was. He liked Jeon Wonwoo; he was a talented lawyer with less than pristine morals. He paid him well for those questionable morals and they were going to come in handy today.Â
âIâm going to check on Y/N and then I want to go to the bar. Wonwoo, I want you to come with me. I want Bonhwa on the phone or in my office this afternoon. Iâm tired of this bullshit.âÂ
Sitting up and lifting his right hand as if to stop Jun before he stands, Wonwoo shakes his head and laughs, obviously confused.Â
âWhatâ wait? You want to meet with him? Are you sure thatâs a good idea?âÂ
Minghao knew that Jun didnât like to be questioned. Minghao also knew that Wonwoo knew that so he wasnât sure why the man would be asking that, but he watched Jun scoff, looking down at his hands as he ran his fingers over his rings.Â
âI didnât ask you for your fucking opinion. I told you what I paid you for. Get on your damn phone and make it happen. Iâll be back out here in aboutâŠâ Looking at his watch, Jun shrugs a smirk on his face already knowing what he had planned. âFifteen minutes, and then we can go. Minghao, you can stay here and babysit properly this time.â
Starting to speak, Minghao stops when Jun walks around him, slapping his hand down on his shoulder hard before moving through the kitchen towards the open bedroom door. Shaking his head, Jun leans against the doorframe, wondering how long it will take for you to realize he is there as you pout at the laptop in front of you.Â
âBought anything cute?âÂ
You had been trying to listen for more conversation, but it had gone silent. You hadnât expected Jun to speak again so close to you. Jumping, you look towards him, lifting your hand to your chest in surprise, as if protecting your heart. Smirking, Jun moves further into the room, shutting the door behind him and pointing at it as it clicks closed.Â
âYou know how to do that, donât you? Close doors behind you?âÂ
Rolling your eyes, you look away from him as Jun teases you. Your attitude amuses Jun, a smirk lifting at his lips as you turn your attention back to the laptop, clicking to add a few things to your cart without looking at them too closely. Now you are spending his money out of spite? He could already feel his cock getting hard.Â
âAw, Princess, are you that pissed at me? Making me have to correct how you talk to me, and now you are just spending money to spend it?âÂ
Looking up at Jun as you press buy, you lift your brow, not even looking at the total. You watch as his smirk grows and his head shakes. You needed an attitude adjustment. It wasnât that he didnât enjoy watching you spend his money; quite the opposite. In fact, he knew he could probably get off on it, looking over his bank statement, knowing that you had bought yourself nice things with his money, but doing it just to make him mad?Â
âClose the laptop and slide it out of the way. You need a reminder of a few things, kitten.âÂ
Using your middle finger, you push the laptop closed as Jun chuckles in amusement, his hands already undoing his belt. He could see how you were looking at him. He could tell you were a fan of make-up sex, but that wasnât what he was giving you. This was a punishment, youâd figure that out in time.Â
âLick your fingers.âÂ
Furrowing your brows, you pause for a beat until Jun lifts his brows making you rethink not listening to him. He watches you lift your right hand carefully, running your tongue along the length of your fingers as he pulls his cock from his pants standing in front of you. Running his fingers over your hair, Jun tilts his head knowing your eyes were on his cock, your lips parting wondering if you were going to ask him to put it in your mouth. You didnât deserve it.Â
âHand on my cock, darling. You know what to do. Make me cum, maybe then Iâll know how sorry you are.âÂ
Wrapping your hand around Junâs cock, you start to stroke him, only to stop at the last sentence he says. You were apologetic about some things, but not all of them. Starting to defy Jun, you loosen your fingers when his hand wraps around yours keeping you in place.Â
âThis little fucking attitude you have today⊠Iâm really damn tired of it. I let you go out, gave you someone to go with you and you used him to go the one place you knew I didnât want you to go. Use your hand, Y/N or I wonât give you a fucking thing.âÂ
Your breath quickens, your thighs pushing together as Jun looks down at you. You could see the disappointment and lust in his eyes. It was a strange mix, but it was making you feel so many things. You wanted him to forgive you, for it all. You were mad that you had upset him and you wanted him to make you feel good too.Â
Using your hand, Jun strokes himself a few times before letting you take it back over. You circle his tip with your palm, earning yourself a groan from his throat, before you quicken your pace, wanting to get your prize.Â
âFuck, much better. See how good you can be? When you wanna be good?âÂ
Biting at your bottom lip, you whine, shifting on the bed, trying to get some relief from the ache between your legs. You can feel how wet youâve gotten from just jerking Jun off, listening to his lewd groans, and feeling his eyes burn at your skin as he stares at you.Â
âAhâyes! Hold it tighter, shit⊠stick your tongue out, baby.âÂ
Doing as you are told, you look up at Jun, feeling his hand wrap around yours again, putting more pressure around the base of his cock when you feel warm cum hit your tongue, lips, and chin. Leaning his head back, he smiles as his cock starts to soften in your grip. Sliding your hand under his, Jun shivers, feeling your fingers move over his head, his cum coating your fingers before he takes a step back, pushing himself back into his pants.Â
Looking down at your hand, you bring it to your lips, licking it clean for a moment, until you realize that Jun isnât moving over to you. You watch as he uses the mirror on the dresser to fix his hair and jacket before clearing his throat. Meeting your eyes in the mirror, Jun grins at your shocked expression.Â
âWhat? Horny? You can wait. Iâll be back in a few hours. Hao is going to stay with you. Be a good girl.âÂ
Your eyes follow Jun out of the room, a smirk on his lips as he moves back into the living room to find Wonwooâs eyes attempting to stare into the coffee table. Minghao simply glances up at his best friend, rolling his eyes and letting a scoff slip from between his lips.Â
âYouâre disgusting.âÂ
Shrugging, Jun rolls his shoulders, looking over to Wonwoo gesturing for the man to move.Â
âDid you call him?âÂ
Nodding, Wonwoo gets to his feet quickly, his fingers moving to push his glasses back up his nose as he tries to keep his composure after hearing Junâs loud groans.Â
âIâŠyeah I did. Heâs gonna be there in an hour. Said he wants a sample of your product for his time. I told him Iâd see what I could do.âÂ
Rolling his eyes, Jun glances back to Minghao as he grabs his keys, lifting his hands in question. Standing up, Minghao nods, and lets out a breath, taking out his cellphone and pressing on Mingyuâs name before putting the phone up to his ear.Â
âHey, boss is coming in. No, shut the fuck up. Iâm not bringing the wagon back. Listen to me, you fuck! The new product is in, on my end, a gram, nah, two. Put it on his desk.âÂ
Nodding at Jun, Minghao sighs into the phone as Mingyu continues, even as Jun and Wonwoo close the door behind them.Â
âThe fucker thatââÂ
Stopping when he sees you standing in the kitchen with a scowl on your face, Minghao clears his throat and furrows his brows, turning away from you.Â
âHeâs got an appointment. Get your shit together and watch his back. Heâs got the lawyer with him, so you know how fucking useless he is. I donât give a shit if you like him.âÂ
Running your tongue along your teeth, you cross your arms, moving to lean against the end of the kitchen island, watching Minghao closely. You hadnât exclusively promised to be good when Jun had told you to and he had left you in a less than ideal situation. You watch as Minghao shakes his head, putting his phone back into his pocket, his fingers running through his longer black hair before he turns back to look at you, his eyes moving over you from head to toe, finally landing on your eyes.Â
âWhy do you look so pissed? Didnât you just get fucked?âÂ
The urge to throw something at Minghao is strong, but you canât find anything at arm's length. Instead, you just stomp your feet and move towards the couch, falling onto it with a whine. Following you with his eyes, Minghao tilts his head before following you to sit on the arm of the couch, looking you over curiously.Â
âWhy the fuck are you being so dramatic?âÂ
Staring up at him, you can still feel how wet you are from Junâs teasing. Your eyes move over Minghaoâs face, his neck, and the low cut of his t-shirt under his leather jacket. You dare to let them move further to his black jeans, the slight bulge that you had always looked away from out of respect, but now you were so horny you could die. Maybe he was right, you were being dramatic.Â
His brow raised, Minghao can almost feel your eyes moving over his body, but when they rest over his lap, he canât help the smirk that pulls up at his lips. Maybe Jun hadnât fucked you. Was that your problem? Had he left you all hot and bothered?Â
Minghao knew he should respect you and Jun, especially the latter when it came to boundaries. He knew that Jun would probably kick his ass if he touched you, but maybe he could have a little fun. It was too tempting when you were looking at him like a five course meal and rubbing your thighs together. How had he not noticed that before?Â
âAhâŠaww, doll. Did he leave you untouched? What did he do? Let me guess... from the sounds that were coming from that room, Iâm gonna assume he got his rocks off, but he didnât let his little kitten cum.âÂ
Your eyes widen at Minghaoâs words as you sit up on the couch, sliding your legs up towards your stomach. Were you that transparent? Of course, you were. It wasnât like you were being inconspicuous with how you were looking at Minghao and you were panting like a cat in heat.Â
Laughing under his breath, Minghao slides down to sit on the couch, sliding his legs apart just enough that he wonders if you would picture yourself on your knees between them. He wonders if you would let him fuck you if he asked. Were you that wound up? He had to keep himself in line. Walk it but never cross it.Â
âShut upâŠâÂ
Your voice is so quiet that Minghao canât help but lean closer to hear you better. You take in a deep breath and his cologne almost makes you moan. Biting your bottom lip, you look down at your knees as Minghao lifts his eyes to look at your face, his fingers brushing over your cheek, amused to find your skin hot under his touch.Â
âIsnât that what Jun told you to do earlier? Is that what he did? Shut you up with his dick? Is that all it takes? A little cock and you straighten up your act.âÂ
Leaning back from Minghaoâs touch, you listen to him laugh again, his finger extending so he can tap your nose. Crossing his leg over his knee, Minghao takes a deep breath before sliding his phone out of his pocket to check his messages. Now he was going to ignore you. Granted, he did have a few messages from Mingyu and Jun, but he could also see you shifting beside him. It was cute to watch you squirm.Â
âOh my god, doll. Did he say you couldnât fuck your fingers or something? Or is that an unspoken rule? You are killing me. Making me feel bad for you.âÂ
Whining, you cross your arms and turn away from Minghao. No, Jun hadnât said specifically that you couldnât take care of yourself, but you had a strong feeling that it was an unspoken rule. He had told you to be good, but it was getting harder and harder to figure out how to walk that line and again, you hadnât promised.Â
âIâhe told me to be good.â Sighing into your words, you glance back over to Minghao as he smirks at his phone, answering a message from Jun. âYou smell good, Minghao.âÂ
Lifting his brow, Minghao glances at you from the corner of his eye, hitting send on his text before lowering his phone to his lap.Â
âThat so, doll? You so horny you are gonna try to fuck the help?âÂ
Minghao watches your lips tighten into a frown. You shake your head, your brows furrowing tightly. You apparently didnât approve of what he had said.Â
âYou arenât the help. Why would you call yourself that? You are Junâs best friend. You are his most trustedâwhatever it is that you do at the bar. I just know that you are important to him. You are important to me. Donât call yourself the fucking help.âÂ
That hadnât been the point of what he was trying to say, but your words make Minghao swallow hard. He had been trying to tease you more, but now his mouth felt dry. He was important to you. You thought he was important to Jun. He was trying not to let that go to his head.Â
Jun pushes his tongue into his cheek as he flicks his finger against the baggie held between his thumb and forefinger. Mingyu had done exactly what Minghao had told him to do. There had been two gram bags on his desk when he had walked in, but looking at them now, he knew he wasnât giving some piece of shit, low-life both of them. His eyes lift to Wonwoo, who sits across from him in one of the leather chairs as he slips one of the baggies into his jacket before leaning back in his chair, lifting his hands out of impatience.Â
âIâm getting real fuckinâ tired of waiting, Wonwoo.âÂ
He had started to complain, Wonwoo shifting in his chair, ready to take the heat, when a knock at his office door drew Junâs attention towards it. Sliding his hand down to his lap, Jun reaches under his desk for the .45 hidden in a holster he had fitted to the underside of a drawer. He didnât know what to expect after all the bullshit that had happened, but he wasnât taking any chances.Â
âCome in.âÂ
Mingyu pushes the door open and gestures for the man to go in. Lifting his brow towards Jun, Mingyu uses his facial expression to ask the question he wants answered without words. Jun simply gives the man a nod to let him know he is okay, but he watches as Mingyu narrows his eyes at the back of Park Bonhwaâs head, pulling the door shut, leaving it cracked as he stands outside of it.Â
Looking around the room, Park Bonhwa grins, taking it all in. He was mildly successful. He owned a casino and ran a nice little underground operation of his own. Granted, it wasnât as âcleanâ as Junâs, but that was why he had sent his men into the Moonlight Lounge in the first place. He wanted to know where Jun got his coke, where he got his guns, and how he kept his nose so fucking clean.Â
Meeting Junâs eyes, Bonhwa lifts his brows before looking over to Wonwoo, chuckling under his breath. That was half of the answer to his questions. A good lawyer who could sweep shit under the rug. He knew who Jeon Wonwoo was and he knew what Jeon Wonwoo could do in a courtroom.Â
Sliding into the chair next to the lawyer, Bonhwa gestures towards the baggie in front of Jun as he sucks on his teeth. That was, hopefully, the answer to another question. The cocaine looked clean. It didnât look like it was cut with anything, which meant Jun was making bank off of pure product.Â
âThat mine? You being that stingy with it, Wen?âÂ
Rolling his eyes, Jun picks up the bag between two fingers, tossing it towards the end of his desk, letting Bonhwa have to reach out to stop it from falling to the floor. Narrowing his eyes, Bonhwa scoffs, holding the bag up to the light before opening it and dipping a finger into the powder.Â
âThatâs a gram that Iâm giving you from the generosity of my heart when you deserve nothing. I should beat your ass into the ground, but I donât like getting blood on my clothes. I hate blood on my shoes.âÂ
Smirking at Junâs gall, Bonhwa presses his pinky to his tongue, tasting the coke with a tilt of his head. He knew he could get more for this than he was getting for the meth he was running out of the casino, but meth was cheaper and it was hard to find something this pure without an in.Â
âSuch a bitch when Iâm the one holding the cards. You canât touch me and you know it. You fucked me over. Three of my best guys, dead because of some little bitch. So now what do I gotta do?âÂ
Wonwoo starts to speak, hearing the sound of the holster under Junâs desk click, but Bonhwa tsks, moving his jacket to show Jun his own gun. Closing the baggie in his hand, the man slips it into his jacket and glances at Wonwoo with a smile before looking back at Jun.Â
âIâd have his brains on the wall before you got that gun from under your desk and even if you managed to shoot me, you think I donât know where your whore is?â Bonhwa unholsters his gun, laying it in his lap, his thumb flicking the safety off as he leaves it pointed in the direction of Wonwoo. âI had them take her pictures from her apartment for a reason. Her face is in the hands of every single man on my payroll.âÂ
Junâs jaw tightens, his eyes on the gun in Bonhwaâs lap, as Wonwooâs fingers tighten on the arm of the chair under him. Cursing under his breath, Jun moves his hand from under his desk, showing the man in front of him that he didnât bring his gun with him so that he wouldnât kill his lawyer.Â
âYour men touched something they shouldnât have. Can you blame me for protecting something that belongs to me? Youâd react the same way.âÂ
Nodding, Bonhwa flicks the safety back in place but keeps his gun on his lap, looking back over to Jun.Â
âYou took three from me. Three for one woman. Doesnât seem fair now, does it? The way I see it, you owe me an eye for an eye.âÂ
Jun narrows his eyes, watching Bonhwa smirk, a laugh slipping from his lips as he adjusts in his seat, lifting his hand to gesture towards him.Â
âOr something of equal value. Information perhaps, like where your product is shipped in from.âÂ
Wonwoo meets Junâs eyes and gives him a quick shake of his head to tell him to keep that information to himself. Jun starts to speak when Bonhwaâs hand moves quicker than his, the gun smacking Wonwoo across the side of the head with a deafening thud. Moving to his feet quickly, Jun hears the door open as Bonhwa laughs at being pulled up from his chair by Mingyu.Â
With his hand to his head, Wonwoo blinks as blood runs down his face, his glasses in his lap, listening to the sounds of fists hitting muscle. He groans at the pain radiating through his head and face as Bonhwa laughs through his own pain before Jun tells Mingyu to stop.Â
With his hand in Bonhwaâs shirt, Jun pulls him close, putting his own gun against his jaw as Mingyu pins him against the wall. He wants to pull the trigger, but he knows what problems that could bring him. There was enough happening right now, but if he killed Park Bonhwa, his entire organization would come down on him and he wasnât prepared for something like that.Â
âI will give you nothing! Do you fucking understand?!âÂ
Reaching into the manâs pocket, Jun takes the baggie out of it, throwing it on the ground as he pushes Bonhwa into Mingyuâs chest, taking a step back from them both.Â
âNot my information and not my woman. Get the fuck out of my sight. If I see you again, if I see any of your men, itâs on sight. Thatâs your last fucking warning, Park.âÂ
Laughing still as heâs dragged out of the building, Bonhwa grunts when Mingyu pushes him against the side of the Cadillac. Pulling the gun from his side, when two men step out to help their boss, the large man points the weapon at them and gestures with his head towards the bleeding man.Â
âHe got his warning; now Iâll give you yours. Stay the fuck away from the bar and from Mr. Wen, his employees, and associates. If you get near Miss Y/L/N again, Iâll stick my gun up your ass.âÂ
Narrowing his eyes at Mingyu, one of the men starts to take a step forward when the other shakes his head, pointing towards Bonhwa, who groans in pain, holding his side.Â
âSounds like heâs got some broken ribs. Take your daddy home and patch him up.âÂ
Inside Junâs office, Jun hands a bottle of whiskey to Wonwoo as he takes a knee in front of him, pushing his head up to look at the damage. He had already thrown the gun he had taken from Bonhwa on his desk with the intention of letting Wonwoo keep it. Clearly, the man needed to learn how to take care of himself.Â
Taking a sip of the alcohol, Wonwoo hisses as Jun pushes on his brow. Jun could feel the bone shift under his thumb so he knew there was a problem.Â
âProbably a fracture. Iâll have Mingyu take you to my guy. Heâll get you patched up⊠Iâll uh⊠fuckâ Iâm sorry.âÂ
Shaking his head, Wonwoo winces as he tries to open his eyes, feeling already too swollen to open fully. It wasnât the first time he had been hit, but it was the first time he had been hit by a gun. He knew the path he was taking was dangerous, but the money was worth it.Â
âIâll live. Make today worth my fucking time.âÂ
Nodding, Jun helps Wonwoo to his feet, leaning his head back, and gestures for Mingyu to come in and help him. He watches as Mingyu slides his arm under the lawyer's, helping him walk in a straight line out of the office. Running his hand through his hair, Jun glances back at the gun on his desk and sighs. He would get it to Wonwoo another time. Right now, Jun just wanted to get back to you.Â
The couple of hours that Jun had been gone had been full of tension for you and Minghao. Between the teasing on his part and the fact that you couldnât seem to get your mind off the idea of the teasing becoming a reality, you were worse off than you had been before Jun left. So by the time he walked into the living room, you were on your knees on the couch, happy to see him, only for your smile to fade at the annoyed look on his face.Â
Shaking his head, Jun takes off his jacket and tosses it onto the table before falling back on the couch on the other side of you as Minghaoâs eyes fall to the table. Minghao had kept what he knew about the meeting with Park Bonhwa a secret from you. He had done exactly what Jun had wanted and babysat you. He had kept you distracted so that you wouldnât ask questions, but that didnât mean that he didnât know the meeting had gone sour.Â
Turning towards Jun, you look him over and finally lift his hand into yours, pushing your thumb over the bruising skin. Things hadnât gone well; one glance back at Minghao and how he was avoiding your eyes told you that he already knew. Why was everyone keeping things from you?Â
âWhat happened? Are you okay?âÂ
Jun offers you a half smile, turning his hand in yours to run his fingers along your wrist before he pulls you towards him so that your body rests against his. He didnât want to talk about Park Bonhwa anymore. He didnât want to talk about the bar or what had happened. He didnât want to think at all. He just wanted to let go.Â
Leaning towards the table, Minghao picks up the baggie that had fallen out of Junâs pocket, holding it in his palm, before glancing over at his best friend. He knew that Jun would sometimes test the product, sometimes just for recreational purposes, but he hadnât expected him to bring it with him today. Things must have gone very badly.Â
Seeing Minghao move, you look back at him and then to his hand at the baggie with white powder. You had seen bags like that at the bar. In particular, you had seen them on the table of the men who had tried to hurt you, but you didnât know they had come from the bar. You were starting to realize that maybe you were being naive. There was a lot of money that came into the bar and it had to come from somewhere.Â
âWhatâs that?â You try to think of different drug names, tilting your head as you reach for the baggie, only for Minghao to keep it from your reach. âMeth?âÂ
Scoffing, Jun looks at you incredulously, as if youâve offended him. Leaning forward, he puts out his hand for Minghao to put the baggie into his hand. Once he has it, he holds it between his fingers and lifts his brow, looking at it in the light.Â
âMeth is for poor people, darling. People who sell that are weak and desperate. This is cocaine, sophisticated and pure. I like pure things.âÂ
Minghao knew that Jun wasnât really upset with you. He knew that Jun was talking more about Park Bonhwa and his business. You had no way to know who sold what when you didnât even know the real ins and outs of Junâs business.Â
Furrowing your brows, you look at the baggie in Junâs hand before sitting back and trying to understand what he was telling you. You had never done drugs in your life. You drank some, but even that was social. You were starting to understand what Jun had meant by this world breaking you. It was a lot darker than you realized, but you wanted to understand it. You wanted to understand Jun.Â
Looking over at Minghao, Jun purses his lips, seeing how close he was sitting to you. He hadnât even noticed when he had gotten back. He hadnât assessed the situation, but clearly something had happened while he was gone. Lifting his brow, Jun tilts his head, leaning back, to give you a good once over as he watches your ears practically smoke at how hard you were thinking.Â
âBaby, donât worry so much. This isnât part of your job. Your job is to look pretty and keep up with me. Keep me on schedule. You donât need to understand whatâs behind the curtain.â Smirking, Jun watches you pout as he lifts his hand to push his thumb against your chin. âWhat I wanna know is if you had a good time with Hao while I was out.âÂ
Shrugging, you glance over to Minghao as he takes a deep breath and looks away. He had been so confident before Jun had gotten home. You were having fun with him. He was teasing you and you were flirting with him; now he was acting like a scared puppy.Â
âKinda⊠I like spending time with Minghao, but you are both mean to me.âÂ
Jun smirks at your words, a curious look on his face as Minghao looks up, suddenly shifting a bit nervously at what you might be telling Jun. Lifting his hand to stop Minghao before he starts, Jun runs the fingers of his other hand along your thigh as he nods for you to continue.Â
âTell me what you mean. How are we both mean to you?âÂ
Deciding to just bite the bullet, you sigh, feeling Minghaoâs hand slide against your leg, trying to grab your wrist in an effort to ask for mercy. The look in Junâs eye tells you that maybe he doesnât need that mercy.Â
âWell, you left me wanting after I helped you. I think that was very mean.âÂ
Jun grins, his teeth catching his bottom lip as he shrugs. Taking a breath, he drops his lip as he lets out the breath with a sigh.Â
âYou need a punishment. You need to be reminded that if you have a smart mouth, you donât get what you want, kitten. But tell me, how was Hao mean to you?âÂ
Glancing over your shoulder at Minghao, Jun smirks at him as he gives him a pleading look, asking for forgiveness before you even speak. Jun wasnât stupid; he could feel the tension in the room.Â
âHe teased me. He knew I was suffering and that Iâm needy but he just teased me the entire time that you were gone. Made me want to break rules and... you know.âÂ
His brows lifting, Jun canât help the amusement on his face. He wasnât mad at Minghao for teasing you. He probably would have given him permission to do it if he had asked to, but what was most amusing was that you avoided saying what you wanted. Leaning towards you, Jun grabs your chin gently, brushing his thumb across your lips as Minghao swallows hard, watching carefully.Â
âI donât know; tell me. What did he make you want? What rules did you want to break?âÂ
You can feel yourself getting wet all over again. Your thighs push together as you whimper, leaning into Junâs touch but also feeling the desire to reach back for Minghao, knowing he was so close.Â
âIâwell. He made me want him. You said I belong to you, but I want him too. I wanted to sit on his cock while you were gone and stop feeling so empty since you didnât give me anything. You were so mean.âÂ
Running his thumb down your lip, Jun chuckles at your confession and how Minghao groans in frustration, afraid of how he will react. Glancing over your shoulder at the other man, Jun meets his eyes and lifts his brow in question, causing Minghao to open and close his mouth a few times before his shoulders sink in defeat.Â
âFuck⊠Yeah, sheâs not lying. I teased her. I knew what I was doinâ. Iâm sorry, alright? I can get the fuck out.âÂ
Starting to stand up, Minghao furrows his brows when Jun leans over you to grab his wrist, pulling him back down.Â
âI didnât tell you to fucking leave. Sit your ass down. My kitten wants your cock, Hao.â Smirking to himself, Jun glances at you to see your reaction before he looks back at Minghao. âI upset her. She said I was mean to her. We canât have that. I need to make it up to her. So I think I should let her have what she wants, donât you?âÂ
Minghao lets out a breath, trying to wrap his head around what Jun had just said to him as he feels you settle back into the couch. Your cheeks were on fire. You hadnât expected Jun to actually act on what you had said, and so quickly, but here you were sitting between the two of them.Â
Shaking his head, Jun watches you and Minghao, a laugh slipping from between his lips as he moves his hand from Minghao to your jaw, turning your face towards him.Â
âIf this happens, there are rules. I donât share easily. I think you both know that.âÂ
Nodding, you bite at your bottom lip, drawing Junâs eyes down to your lips as he smirks. He could see Minghao shifting behind you. If the man didnât want to participate, all he needed to do was get up and leave, but he had a feeling he would stay right where he was until he was told otherwise.Â
âHao will wear a condom and he wonât cum in your mouth or on you. Donât even ask for it. Understand?âÂ
You whine out a small yes, and Jun coos at you, tightening his grip on your chin ever so slightly at how innocent you appear. He knew you werenât innocent, but you were pure to him, and he planned on keeping you that way. Looking past you to Minghao, Jun lifts his brow, meeting the other manâs eyes before Minghao nods in understanding.Â
âGood, as long as we all understand whoâs house this is and who Y/N belongs to, we can go play. I think it will be a fun night. I could use some fucking fun after today.â
Letting go of your face, Jun swipes the baggie from the couch and puts out his other hand for yours. Looking up at him, you look a little apprehensive until you meet Junâs eyes and he nods. You knew you could trust him. It was a strange feeling. You didnât even really understand why you trusted him. You didnât understand why you wanted to or why you felt the way you did about him. All that mattered was that you did and that made it easy to take his hand and stand up.Â
Minghao closes his eyes for a moment, running his hand over his mouth, before watching you with Jun. He wanted this. He wanted it more than anything. He had wanted you since the day you had interviewed with Jun, but then he saw the look in Junâs eyes and it was confirmed by Junâs words. Then Minghao knewâor thought he knewâyou were off limits. Now he was looking at your outstretched hand as you beckoned him to join you and Jun. It was too good to be true, but he wasnât going to give up the chance, even if it was a one time thing.Â
Giving the guest room a quick appraising look, Jun drops your hand before sitting at the top of the bed. You stand at the door with Minghao, hand in hand, as the two of you watch him curiously as he opens the nightstand, taking out a strip of condoms and laying them on top of the nightstand next to the baggie.Â
Furrowing his brows, Jun scoffs at seeing you and Minghao standing like statues in the doorway. Rolling his eyes, he leans his neck from side to side with a groan as he gestures for you to come to him.Â
âYou both act like you havenât done this before. Come here, baby. You need to loosen up.âÂ
Pouting, you kneel on the bed in front of Jun as he pouts at you, furrowing his brow and teasing you with faux concern at the tense look on your face. His fingers trail over your cheek down to your jaw before his fingers reach your throat, making you swallow hard. Leaning forward, Junâs lips brush over yours, a smile pulling up at his lips when he hears how your breath hitches from just a simple kiss.Â
âAre you that touch starved? Did I rile you up that much before I left?âÂ
Nodding to the words spoken on your lips, you whine Junâs name, reaching up to wrap your hand around his wrist, trying to pull him closer as you push your lips against his. Jun laughs on your lips before pulling back with a sigh, leaning to glance at Minghao in the doorway.Â
âAnd Hao didnât touch you at all. What an asshole.âÂ
Tsking at his best friend, Jun smirks, watching Minghao scoff and roll his eyes. He knew he wasnât allowed to touch you. He knew what Jun was doing, and now his cock was straining against his jeans at the sight of you on your knees on a bed. Lifting his hand, Minghao sighs, running his hand through his hair as Jun claims your lips once again before pulling back, causing you to whimper at the loss of his kiss.Â
âMinghao, come here and touch her. Itâs what you both want. Iâm giving you both a gift tonight. Donât waste it or my time.âÂ
Swallowing hard, Minghao nods, taking a few steps to kneel on the bed behind you as you glance back at him. Just the heat of your eyes on him has him cursing under his breath and his hands running along your sides, pushing your shirt up your back.Â
"Iâfuck, you are so pretty, doll.âÂ
Smiling at Minghaoâs words, you lean back into his chest and his touch so you can feel his breath against your ear. Groaning, Minghao meets Junâs eyes, getting a nod before he tilts his head and presses his lips to your neck right under your ear, earning himself a soft, happy moan from your lips.Â
This wasnât the first time Jun had shared a girl with Minghao before, but this time was different. You were more important. You were different. Watching Minghaoâs lips move over your skin sends Junâs thoughts racing. Some were very good, and others were possessive and bordering on obsessive. Jun knew that if it were anyone else, he would have killed them for even wanting you, but it was Minghao so that made it something he could handle.Â
As Minghao slides his hands along your stomach, Jun makes a soft sound drawing Minghaoâs attention to him. Leaning back, Minghao moves his hands, seeming to understand without words, exactly what Jun wants. You whine breathlessly, not wanting either of them to stop, until you feel both sets of hands undressing you. Both sets of hands are similar, yet you can tell that Minghaoâs have more calluses as they scratch at your skin just a bit more roughly. Junâs fingers are more familiar, but you can feel the possession behind the way he grips at your body, pulling you a bit closer to him as Minghaoâs fingers undo your pants, his lips pressed against your bare back.Â
âMy beautiful little kitten is getting spoiled tonight. You like having two men touch you, baby?âÂ
You meet Junâs eyes, nodding to watch him smirk at you. His thumbs and forefingers roll your nipples between them as Minghao lifts at your hips so he can tug your pants down your legs, a soft groan escaping his throat at the sight of your ass. Jun chuckles at both you and Minghaoâs reactions, his eyes falling to his hands as he nods in appreciation of the view in front of him.Â
âThen you can listen closely tonight, canât you? Be a good little slut for Daddy.âÂ
Fingers slide around your hip, pulling you back against Minghao. You canât help but let out a moan, your brows furrowing to the feeling of his bulge, still trapped behind his jeans pushed up against your ass. Jun lifts his brows as he waits for you to answer him. His fingers squeeze your nipples as your back arches against Minghaoâs chest and you nod frantically, whining out âyesâ.Â
âThatâs all you had to say, Y/N.âÂ
Minghao grins against the back of your neck, speaking between kisses. He was feeling more like himself and bolder with each passing minute. He could feel you wiggle your hips back against his cock and just knowing how badly you wanted him made his ego soar. He knew he could follow Junâs rules, and heâd do what he had to do to get his cock inside of you.Â
Jun grins watching you with Minghao, the way your skin erupts with chill bumps at his words and how you nod again, agreeing with him. You were being a very good girl for them both. Sitting back, he lets Minghao get the rest of your clothes off until you are sitting bare in front of them, your cheeks warm as your eyes move from either man, both still fully clothed. Jun just chuckles under his breath as you start to cross your arms to gain some of your modesty back before he lifts his hand, pulling your arm down as he shakes his head.Â
âWhy would you hide how fucking perfect you are?âÂ
Whining, you look him over as if that should answer his question, but one look at his face tells you that he wants words.Â
âYou and Minghao are still dressed. Itâs not fairâŠâÂ
Moving his hand to your chin, Jun leans to press his lips against yours softly, making you relax. He could feel you pouting against your lips, wanting to get your way. Using his free hand, Jun moves your hand to his shirt, the button resting over his chest, feeling you smile against his lips as he lets you undress him for the first time. The way your hands shake as you undo the buttons makes Jun chuckle against your lips until your head drops so you can see what you are doing. The eagerness is evident in the way your breath hitches and you move closer to him, tugging at his shirt to pull it open.Â
âCareful, kitten. Donât scratch me.â You whine his name, trying to get Jun to stop teasing you as he smiles, running his fingers over your hair. âDo you want Hao to get undressed too?âÂ
Nodding, you glance back to Minghao, who smiles at you, lifting his hand to run the back of his index finger over your cheek as your fingers rest on Junâs pants.Â
âYou are spoiled. I never thought Iâd see Wen Junhui spoil a girl so rotten.âÂ
His brows raised, Jun tilts his head at Minghao as you bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling too much. Tugging down his zipper, you lift your eyes to meet Junâs eyes, finding him watching you carefully.Â
âIs that true? Do I spoil you?âÂ
Jun lifts his hips, letting you help him pull his jeans down his legs, leaving him in just his boxers as he waits for you to answer him. Glancing back at Minghao, you start to chastise him for getting you in trouble with his words until you see him significantly less clothed than he was a few minutes earlier. Your eyes move over his toned torso and down to where his thumbs rest in the top of his boxers, a smirk on his face while he waits for you to answer Jun.Â
You stumble over your words, finding your mind going blank, only thoughts of Jun and Minghao filling it back up until Jun turns your face back towards him. You feel his fingers press against your jaw as he coos at you, finding the blank expression on your face cute and desperate.Â
âAnswer me, darling.âÂ
Shaking your head, you try to scoot closer to Jun, sliding over his thigh so that your wet folds meet his skin. Jun hisses into a groan at the feeling, his hands moving to your waist to hold you tight, not letting you get any relief.Â
âMaybe Hao is right.âÂ
With a surprised breath, you find yourself on your back, your wrists pinned to the bed as Jun hovers over you, his knee pressed between your thighs. Arching your back, you rub your lips together as you shake your head, trying to argue. You want to prove that both of them are wrong, but as soon as you canât feel Junâs thigh close enough that you can rub yourself on his skin, you manage to do the opposite. A whimpered cry slips from your lips and Jun grins, his thumbs sliding along your wrists to keep you calm.Â
âMy spoiled little princess is already crying before sheâs had any cock.â Glancing over his shoulder towards Minghao, Jun lifts his brows and tilts his head towards the nightstand. âJust wait until you hear her while sheâs stuffed full of one.âÂ
Groaning under his breath, Minghao slides on the bed towards the nightstand to swipe the strip of condoms from it. Tearing one off, he tosses the rest to the side as his breath quickens at Junâs words. He could hear your moaned sobs as Jun teased you, and the idea of hearing you be even louder as he fucked you was driving him crazy.Â
You close your hands into fists, trying to plead with Jun to touch you as you wait for Minghao to put on the condom. You knew Jun didnât need or want one, so he could so easily slip out of his boxers and bury his cock into your aching pussy... But he only nods to your begging, feeling his cock twitching hard as he practices patience.Â
âShh..shh⊠kitten. Are you that empty? Do you need it that badly?âÂ
Fingers slide through your wet folds and a moan echoes off the walls at the same time as a groan is suppressed behind clenched teeth. Jun knew youâd be wet. He had felt you on his thigh, but feeling just how wet you were after all the teasing as he pushed two of his fingers into youâthat was enough to make his cock leak in his boxers.Â
âFuck⊠I donât think I even need to stretch you. You are so damn wet. Are you that excited about having us both?âÂ
Turning your head, you feel your check burn at Junâs question, but slender fingers turn your face back towards him. Minghao lifts his brow and you hear Jun laugh as the other manâs thumb pulls at your bottom lip. Your eyes move from either man until you finally meet Junâs eyes as tears run from the corners of your eyes. You clench around his fingers as he slides a third finger into you, his teeth catching his bottom lip and biting down lightly, waiting for you to answer him.Â
âYâyeah. Ah! Jun⊠please? Please, please⊠Can I cum?â Licking your lips, you search Junâs eyes for your answer, but when he doesnât answer right away, you push him further. âDaddy⊠please?âÂ
Minghao smirks when you call Jun Daddy. He listens to the way his breath changes, a groan bordering on a growl rising in his friendâs chest as Jun puts his thumb against your clit and his forehead against yours. You were good at getting what you wanted. Minghao wasnât sure if you even meant it or if you were just using the name to get what you wanted, but either way, it was hot, and you were getting exactly what you were asking for.Â
With your mouth falling open and Minghaoâs hand falling to your throat, you find it hard to make any sound when you cum. Nothing over a gasped breath of a moan makes it out of your lips as your cum seeps around Junâs fingers. Closing your eyes and feeling your head spin almost as if you are going to pass out from the intensity of your orgasm, you scratch at Minghaoâs arm, feeling his fingers lightly tighten around your throat. He wasnât like Jun when it came to putting his hand on your throat. If it had been Junâs hand there, you knew it would have felt like danger in the most sinfully erotic way; but Minghaoâs hand felt like a necklace, keeping you grounded to the bed as you soared.Â
Jun groans, sliding his fingers from your tight walls, feeling your body start to relax under him. He knew you wanted more and that you needed more. Glancing over to Minghao, Jun smirks, seeing his friendâs lips parted as he takes in deep breaths, obviously trying to keep himself in check until he is told he could do more.Â
You lean your head back against the pillows, reaching out for Junâs arm when you feel him sit up on the bed. Your eyes follow him when he lifts his hips to push his boxers down and he swipes the baggie from the nightstand.Â
âIâm feeling generous.â Junâs eyes meet yours, his smirk pulling back up at his lips as you tilt your head, curious to hear his words. âIâm going to let Minghao fuck you first, baby. Let him see what heâs been missing out on.âÂ
Letting out a breath he hadnât realized he had been holding, Minghao runs his fingers through his hair when you look over at him. You were stunning. He could see where the tears had run along your temples from where you had cried in pleasure from your first orgasm. He could feel his cock almost aching from how hard it was at the idea of being inside of you and being the reason youâd cry again.Â
âDoes that make you happy, kitten?âÂ
Jun watches you and Minghao carefully before turning his attention to the baggie in his hand. Opening it, he turns on the bed, running his fingers along your leg to pull your knee up so that your thigh is exposed and your legs are spread. Not only could he have his way with you in this position but he also knew that Minghaoâs eyes were on your pussy now.Â
He could almost see the manâs mouth watering at the sight of your wet folds. You whine out his name before nodding, your fingers reaching for Junâs wrist once again, only for him to shake his head and pull away so he can keep doing what he has his mind set on.Â
âGood girl. I like making you happy. I guess I do spoil you.â Meeting your eyes, Jun bites his bottom lip and lifts his brows as if to make sure you are paying attention to him before he continues. âKeep your leg just like this. Keep being my good girl.âÂ
Running his fingers along your other thigh, Minghao furrows his brows, watching Jun. He had a good idea of what was going to happen, but knowing and seeing were another thing altogether. Taking a deep breath, Minghao shakes his head as Jun taps the baggie against your inner thigh, leaving a small, thin line of powder on your skin. While he didnât partake in what he sold, that didnât mean that he couldnât appreciate the visual or the sentiment.Â
Your lips part in a small, surprised gasp when you feel Jun lean down to snort the line from your thigh. Without much thought, you run your fingers through his hair, your skin erupting with chill bumps as his nose brushes along your skin. With a small, satisfied groan, Jun hovers over your leg, taking a deep breath in from his nose and feeling his head start to rush. Smiling as the feeling of euphoria spreads over him, Jun presses his lips against your thigh before once again meeting your eyes.Â
âYou are so fucking perfect... Mmm, you wanted to fuck Hao?â Nodding to Junâs question, as he moves up your body, you smile as he lays over you, his lips hovering yours. âIâll give you anything you want, princess.âÂ
You could see how Junâs eyes had dilated. You knew that there were limits to what he would give you on a normal basis, but you hadnât been with him like this before. Right now, Jun was looking at you like you were his world. You could feel your heart beating hard in your chest as his hands ran along your sides and his lips gently pressed to yours between words.Â
âMy pretty angel. Iâm gonna watch you fall apart for him and then Iâm gonna fuck you so hard.âÂ
Pulling back from you, Jun leaves you breathless from just his words before he gestures to Minghao and you barely have time to think. Hands slide along your hips as Minghao pulls you on the mattress towards him and kneels between your thighs. Leaning down over you, he smirks at your surprised expression, running his right hand between your breasts as he traces the trail of your tears with his left thumb.Â
âIs that what youâre going to do, doll? Fall apart for me.âÂ
Nodding quickly, you listen to Minghao laugh almost darkly as his lips glide along your cheek before he finally presses his lips to yours. The kiss doesnât last for nearly as long as you want it to, his lips pulling away from yours, making you chase him for more. Running his fingers over your hair, Minghao smirks at how eager you are. Yes, he wanted you, but it was powerful to feel your body shiver under his every time he would pull away from you.Â
âPlease, oh my god. I canât take it.âÂ
You finally close your eyes, tears on the rims of your eyes as you feel your walls clench around nothing. Minghao smiles, his finger tracing your hard nipple as you arch into his touch. He knew you werenât his, but he could pretend, even if it was just for a short time. Jun cocks his head to the side, his eyes focused on Minghaoâs hand as he presses his thumb against your nipple, pulling a moan from your mouth. He knew that Minghao wanted to tease you for longer, but his heart was racing, his hands tightening into fists at how thirsty he was already feeling for you. Impatience was starting to kick back in for him.Â
âIf you donât fuck her, Hao... Iâll show you how itâs done. Stop teasingâ put your fucking cockââÂ
Meeting Junâs eyes, Minghao is the one who gives the warning look this time. He knew Jun wasnât in the same state of mind that he had been when the three of you had gotten into bed. Lifting his hand, Jun rubs his nose hard, leaning back with a groan of annoyance, pushing the same fingers through his hair. Minghao just shakes his head as you run your fingers up his arm out of some concern, a look of curiosity in your eyes.Â
âHeâs fine. Heâll get all that energy out once Iâm done. He said he was being generous, now he can wait and watch.âÂ
Smirking at how your eyes widen. The confidence that he was displaying even in front of someone that you had seen reduced him to something resembling an obedient puppy. It had your pussy almost weeping for him.Â
âYou can handle this, canât you?â Tilting his head, Minghaoâs smirk pulls into a full grin as his hand pushes your knee up towards your stomach. You feel the stretch in the back of one thigh as he repeats the process with the other leg and puts your hands on the back of your knees. ââCourse you can, doll. Stay still.âÂ
You start to question him, but any question you have leaves your head along with any thoughts when Minghao lines his cock up with you and buries himself in you in one smooth motion. Closing your eyes, you dig your nails into the back of your legs as you let out a soft, crying moan.Â
The stretch isnât so much that you are in pain. You can tell he isnât as big as Jun, but that didnât seem to matter that much because his cock was long and he knew what he was doing. With each deep, slow thrust, Minghao manages to let the tip of his cock push against your g-spot.Â
Finally, you take a deep breath and the tears he had hoped to see slip from your eyes start to stream along your temples once again. Minghao groans your name at the sight. He feels his stomach tighten, his pace picking up, and the sound of skin meeting skin loudly bouncing around the room.Â
Licking his lips Jun tries to swallow, but his mouth is so dry he can only groan, shifting on the bed, wanting to get closer to you. He wanted to be patient, but one more sobbing moan slipped between your pretty lips as he tugged on the bed so he could lean on his arm next to you. He was so thirsty, but looking at you, he knew that youâd somehow take care of it all.Â
Familiar fingers tighten around your jaw, turning your head to the left as you open your eyes. Meeting Junâs intense gaze, you whimper his name as Minghao thrusts into the hardest that he had the entire night. Your orgasm rips through your body as Junâs lips brush over your lips. He works his kisses towards your lips with a groan as Minghaoâs fingers bruise your ass with how hard he holds you.Â
Leaning his head back, Minghao curses into a groan, feeling you clench around him. You were so tight, it was hard to move. Now he had to work that much harder to fuck you the way he wanted to; you were driving him to the point that he was going to follow you right over that edge.Â
Groaning your name, Minghao watches Jun lay back, a smirk on the manâs lips after the rough kiss. The moment your eyes meet his, Minghao loses any control he once had. His movement becomes messy, each thrust deep and hard as he cums hard, wishing the condom keeping him separated from you was gone.Â
Trying to catch his breath, Minghao moves your legs down and around his hips as he lays over you. You gasp, feeling his hips roll towards you so that his cock is as deep as he can possibly be before he comes to a stop. You smile against Minghaoâs lips, your nails pressing into the back of his biceps when he nips at your lips before slowly pulling back from you.Â
The absence of Minghao sends a shiver through your body. Chill bumps spread along your skin and Jun smiles, running his fingers along your collarbone, marveling at the sight as Minghao moves off the bed. You were all his again. Jun was trying to give you a moment to come down from your orgasm, but the more his eyes moved over your body, the more he felt like he was going crazy.Â
Sliding over the bed, Jun smirks at hearing you sigh out his name. Leaning down, he presses his lips to your stomach, his hand pushing your hip back down as you try to arch off the bed towards him.Â
âYou just got fucked and you are still acting like a bitch in heat.âÂ
Your cheeks burn as Jun degrades you, his eyes meeting yours from between your legs. You canât help the chill that runs through your body at how intense he looks, his eyes darker from how dilated his pupils are and how hungry he looks. Fingers scratch over your soft skin, as Jun sits back on his knees, his hands finally resting on your hips, his eyes still locked with yours.Â
"Kitten, you are always so fucking pretty. Have I told you that?âÂ
Starting to look away, you hear Jun tsk in warning so you keep your eyes on him. The bed sinks beside you as Minghao lays back, resting on his elbow, watching intently. He knew Jun had been waiting for this moment and he would be lying to himself if he hadnât been waiting for it a bit himself. He enjoyed watching.Â
âItâs true. I used to watch you all the time at the bar, but this... baby, you are the prettiest when you are on your back for me.âÂ
Your lips part at Junâs words and his confession. You hadnât noticed him looking at you, but you had also kept your head down. You had tried for months to keep yourself off his shit list, when perhaps you should have been enjoying his eyes moving over your body.Â
Seeing the realization clicking in your eyes, Jun laughs and lifts his hand, rubbing at his nose as he shakes his head, feeling it spinning. He needed to do something with all of this pent up energy and you were right here, waiting to get fucked again. He had promised to fuck you hard, and he planned on keeping that promise.Â
Leaning over you, Jun slides your hands up the bed, grinning down at you as he lifts his brow at your reaction. You wanted to touch him and he knew it. You had been the same way in his office, but he wasnât ready to give you what you wanted. This was still his house and you were his to use as he saw fit.Â
âHold her arms.âÂ
You look up as Minghaoâs hands take the place of Jun's, pinning your wrists to the bed. Giving a small test tug just to see if Minghao would let you go, you pout when he shakes his head at you, keeping a firm grip. Your attention is brought back to Jun when his hands pull your legs up so that your ass rests on his thighs, your knee almost at his hips.Â
Biting at his bottom lip, Jun moves his hand from your hip to his shaft, pushing himself down so that his tip rubs between your wet, swollen folds on the way to your waiting entrance. Warmth wraps around him as Jun rolls his hips to meet yours. At first he keeps his thrusts shallow and slow, but watching you arch off the bed, trying to roll your hips down to take more of him, does something to Jun. The corners of his lips pull up into a cocky smirk as he uses his hand still on your hip to pull you down over him like a toy.Â
The stretch of taking Jun reminds you just how much bigger he is than Minghao. Gasping through a moan, you try to scratch at Minghaoâs hands as Jun continues to move you over his cock, harder and faster. You feel your brain start to go fuzzy, your eyes rolling back into your head as you let him use you and you just let go completely.
Whimpered groans slip between Junâs lips as his jaw tightens almost to the point where itâs painful as he clenches his teeth, feeling his climax right on the edge of a cliff. Itâs as if he is looking over at the rocks as waves crash over them, but your velvet walls are sucking him back in, keeping him warm, and pushing him to hold out longer.Â
âSo fucking good. Baby, youâre perfect. Gonna cum for Daddy?âÂ
Nodding, you tug at Minghaoâs hands as your eyes move over Junâs torso and his hands as they rest on your waist. You want nothing more than to grab at his skin and feel him under your fingertips but Minghao holds you tight. Sobbing into a moan, you arch your back off the bed and push down over Junâs cock as you cum around him. Your mouth falls open and your body is completely pliable when your brain goes blank during your orgasm, just a toy for Jun to take his cum.Â
His eyes move over your body, your skin glistening with sweat as soft moans slip out of your mouth and into the air like the most beautiful song he has ever heard. Jun shakes his head, feeling himself starting to lose momentum as he fills you with his cum. His hands start to shake against your hips with a few final hard thrusts that send you towards Minghao. Falling over your body, Jun whispers your name against your ear, a smile on his lips when he feels you nod, letting him know you are okay.Â
Letting go of your hands, Minghao watches you weakly move them to Jun. He furrows his brows, following your fingers through Junâs hair and over his shoulders as you hold the man laying on top of you. You had been gentle with him after he had fucked you, but this was different. You were tender with Jun and he was the same with you. Suddenly, Minghao was feeling like he was intruding somewhere he wasnât supposed to be.Â
Swallowing hard, Jun groans, his head starting to ache as the high that he had been riding starts to crash. Rolling off of you, he sighs, lifting his hand to run it over his face as you watch him concerned. You turn on your side carefully observing him as he licks his lips and makes a face like heâs tasted something bad in the air, his eyes still closed.Â
âHis mouth is probably dry as fuck.âÂ
Furrowing your brows, you look up at Minghao as he leans back against the headboard. You didnât know anything about what Jun had taken, but clearly he did. Sighing softly, Minghao slips off the bed and out of the room towards the kitchen. You turn your attention back to Jun, wondering if you need to get up and get him some water, when Minghao comes back into the room with a bottle of water, making your chest tighten. Clearly, he had done this before.Â
Sitting up, you reach out for the water, taking it from Minghao. Making an unsure sound, you look at Jun lying flat on the bed and Minghao chuckles, rolling his eyes.Â
âLet me move him into the bed and get his head on the pillows. Heâs gonna pass out, but... heâs fine, alright?âÂ
You werenât so sure, but you just nodded, trying your best to help Minghao move the larger man up in the bed. You take charge of pulling the sheets from under him and placing them over his body as Minghao adjusts a pillow under his friendâs neck. Pouting to yourself, you open the bottle of water as you lean over Jun, putting the bottle to his lips and letting him take sips of the water. Your eyes meet Minghaoâs a few times before you finally smile and let out a slow, long breath.
âThanks. I guess Iâm kinda useless when it comes to this.âÂ
Shaking his head, Minghao moves to the dresser, taking out a pair of spare pajama pants and slipping them on as he glances back at you and Jun. He knew he could just leave, but he didnât want to. You looked like a lost bird and Jun could be a bit unpredictable coming down. No, heâd stay, at least until he knew that youâd both be okay without him.Â
Sitting back on the side of the bed near you, Minghao leans down to pick up his cell phone that had fallen out of his jeans to read over a few missed texts as you fuss over Jun. At least nothing had burned down, metaphorically or physically, in the time he and Jun had been busy.Â
You look up at him curiously, hearing a sigh of relief before your eyes move to his phone, watching his thumbs move over it quickly. You knew there was more going on than Jun was willing to tell you, but Minghao was a bit more forthcoming. Of course, that had been before the apartment fiasco and getting his ass chewed out by Jun, but maybe if you approached it right...Â
âHeâs been so stressed out. I guess this was good for him. Ya know, to just let go? Not worry about the bar, all the shit thatâs going on there.âÂ
Lifting his brows, Minghao scoffs, thinking your words were an understatement. Writing one more reply to Mingyu, he sighs and glances over to you as you put the lid back on the water, putting it on the nightstand, as Jun snores quietly beside the two of you.Â
âMm, yeah. He doesnât do shit like this often. He doesnât go crazy with it either, but shit has been fucked up lately.âÂ
Nodding, you run your fingers over Junâs hair, pushing it back from his forehead, before sliding off the bed, feeling Minghaoâs eyes following you. Gesturing towards the door, you smile and tilt your head to the side.Â
âIâm gonna get some clothes and something to eat. You wanna join me?âÂ
Giving one last glance to Jun as he sleeps a bit restlessly, Minghao frowns before giving you a nod. He could hear his stomach growling and he could use some water himself after everything that had happened.Â
Slipping one of Junâs shirts over your head, you feel the end of it rest just under where your shorts end. You stretch your arms as you move back into the kitchen to find Minghao sitting at the island, his head turned back towards the guest room where Jun was sleeping. From where he was sitting, with the door open, he could keep an eye on him. You feel your lips pull up into a smile before you force yourself to relax and clear your throat. You loved how close he and Jun clearly were. You had never noticed it before, but there was something about fucking them both that made it easier to see.Â
Looking over to you as you clear your throat, Minghao gives you a half smile, lifting a fresh bottle of water to his lips as his eyes move over you from head to toe. He knew you were wearing Junâs clothes, but he didnât hate it. You looked cute in them.Â
"So, whatâs for dinner?âÂ
Your lips pull back up in a smile as you turn towards the fridge, opening it up so you can lean against it looking at the choices. Taking out the milk, you show it to Minghao before reaching up for a box of cereal. You watch the manâs half smile turn into a full grin before he laughs and nods approvingly at your choice.Â
âAlright, chef.âÂ
Cereal is in front of you and Minghao, and you join him in occasional glances towards the guest room. The restlessness that had been evident before seemed to have calmed as Jun lay on his back, one arm across his stomach, the other threatening to fall off the side of the bed. Minghao watches you for a moment, bringing his spoon to his lips to take a bite of his cereal as your brows furrow watching Jun.Â
âYouâre whipped.âÂ
Your cheeks burn hearing Minghaoâs words, even muffled by food as he chews. Meeting his eyes, you scoff and shake your head, trying to play off how you feel, but even you know that you feel something for Jun. If you didn't, you wouldnât let him keep you âsafeâ and in the dark.Â
âWhatever⊠He grew on me.âÂ
Smirking, Minghao rests his spoon against his lips before sighing as you take a bite of your own cereal, eating it quietly. He starts to let his guard down before your next words cause him to take a deep breath and his eyes to fall back down to his bowl.Â
âMinghao? Tell me whatâs going on. What happened today? Please?âÂ
He knew he could tell you no. He knew he could tell you to ask Jun, but he also knew Jun wouldnât tell you. He knew that Jun would tell you that it was safer not knowing, but Minghao was starting to wonder if that was true. You not knowing was going to make you complacent. Not knowing is what made you walk up to the idiots in the bar the way you did in the first place. Being in the dark about everything is what made you feel safe enough to walk to your car alone after saying what you did to them.Â
âUh⊠heâfuck, Y/N. Heâs gonna kick my ass, but listen, alright? I think you should know. Itâs better to know what you are up against so you can avoid it.âÂ
Your brows furrow as you lean towards Minghao, waiting for him to continue. You werenât sure if you agreed with his logic any more than you agreed with Junâs. They both wanted to treat you like some little lamb. Yes, you had been terrified after what had happened to you in the parking lot, but after what had happened to your apartment and what you were seeing happening to Jun, you were pissed. You needed to understand it before you could really see it. Your eyes couldnât be closed anymore.Â
âIâll deal with Jun. I do need to know. It involves me, but itâs also fucking everything up. I fucked it all up.âÂ
Reaching out to take your wrist into his hand, Minghao is quick to shake his head. His eyes fall to where his thumb glides over your skin at your pulse point. He knew he shouldnât be touching you while Jun was asleep, but after what had just happened in bed with you, he felt maybe he could get by with just a little.Â
âYou didnât, doll. It wasnât yourâshit⊠I wonât lie. You shouldnât have gone up to those fuckers without knowing who and what they could do, but that doesnât make this your fault.â Minghao sighs into his words as you turn your hand in his, letting him have better access to your skin. âJun met with their boss today. Thatâs the man who wants your head on a stick. He blames you for three of his idiots not walking around today.âÂ
You try to picture Jun meeting with someone who could be in charge of the men who had attacked you and it makes you feel sick to your stomach. Anyone who could be worse than those men... you didnât want someone around Jun, you didnât want him around Minghao, and you didnât want him around the bar. The thought passes through your head, but then you remember that Jun is just as frightening.Â
"Iâwell, heâs not wrong, but why did JunââÂ
âFuck that, Y/N!â Looking over to where Jun turns in bed when he raises his voice, Minghao furrows his brows and lowers his voice before continuing. âNo, they would have gotten into some shit and ended up the same way on their own with or without what happened that night. It was just a matter of time.âÂ
Sighing, you just nod, closing your fingers around Minghaoâs. You knew he was probably right, but it still didnât change how you felt. It was getting easier for you to understand that people died around Jun and Minghao. You understood that they were probably going to die around you if you stayed in this world. You just needed to understand why. Tilting your head, you lift your other hand, gesturing for Minghao to continue getting a nod.Â
âAnyway, he met with him. His name is Park Bonhwa. Donât look him up; donât look for him. Iâll know if you do.âÂ
As if reading your mind, the warning makes you sit up as Minghaoâs eyes meet yours. You can only press your lips together as his eyes search yours, waiting for you to nod. Only when he is satisfied that you understand does he look back towards Jun and continue with his story.Â
âYou know he took Wonwoo, the lawyer. I know Mingyu was there; thatâs how I know most of this. I just know it went bad. Wonwoo got hurt, but heâs alright. Heâs aliveâŠâÂ
Your hand tightens around Minghaoâs and he sighs, knowing that piece of information would make you upset. You didnât even know Wonwoo, but you were a caring person. That was why he wanted you to avoid all this, and that was why Jun shut your eyes.Â
âJun beat the shit out of Bonhwa and Mingyu threw his ass out. They warned him to leave you alone and I think he got the message.âÂ
Looking in the direction of Jun, you remember how red and swollen his knuckles were when he came home from the bar. You remember the dried blood and cracked skin and your stomach tightens. While you feel some fear for Jun, you also feel a sense of pride knowing that he was not only doing it for you but also defending Wonwoo.Â
âAnd Wonwoo? Is he okay?âÂ
Smiling to one side, Minghao shakes his head when your first question isnât about Park Bonhwa or about how they know he will stay away, but instead about your concern for Wonwooâs health. Your kind heart shows through the tough exterior you were trying to build.Â
âHeâs alright. Mingyu took him to Junâs doctor. Got him patched up, and Iâm pretty sure heâs on a retreat so he can heal.âÂ
Lifting your brows, you try to imagine what Minghao means by his last words. You knew it had something to do with Jun and that the lawyer was probably somewhere very nice and being taken care of very well. The idea of that makes you feel much better about the situation.Â
âThatâs good. Iâm glad heâs being taken care of. Iâd like to see him again once heâs feeling better.âÂ
Sliding his fingers along your palm, Minghao chuckles under his breath as he leans back in the bar stool chair before nodding.Â
âIâm sure heâll be around the bar in a couple months.âÂ
Meeting his eyes, you smile, having had so many of your questions answered. You still feel a weight on your chest that Jun wasnât the one to tell you, but the strength of knowing lets you breathe. Leaning forward, you feel Minghao freeze when your lips brush over his. At first, he doesnât kiss you back until you meet his eyes at such a close distance and he knows you wonât take no for an answer.Â
Your lips press against Minghaoâs and you take in a deep breath through your nose when his fingers slide back over your hand to wrap around your wrist. The kiss is tender; it takes your breath away, but it is brief. When Minghao pulls away, you almost pout, but upon meeting his eyes, you know that he feels the same way.Â
âThank you for telling me everything, Minghao.âÂ
Minghao takes a deep breath to calm his nerves as he nods. He didnât regret telling you, but he was already mentally preparing himself for the lashing he was bound to receive the following day.Â
Junâs head was busting, but turning to his side, he couldnât help smiling. You were sleeping next to him. He was still in the guest room, and that meant you had chosen to sleep beside him. You could have gone to the bedroom the two of you had been sharing since he had brought you to his penthouse, but you had laid down beside him instead.Â
You were beautiful. He had told you that many times, but today more so. The light from the window on this side of the building was able to peek through the blinds and it was playing against your skin. Jun furrowed his brows, letting his eyes follow the rays of light as they danced where he wanted to run his fingers.Â
While he didnât regret the night before, he knew that it would be hard to share you again. It would be a rare thing to let anyone elseâMinghao includedâbe that close to you. Taking a deep breath, Jun scoots closer to you, lifting his hand to very carefully brush his index finger along your cheek. He smiles again, watching how your face scrunches up at the feeling. He wasnât really trying to wake you up, but that desire to touch you was too much. He knew what he was feeling, but he wasnât ready to admit it to himself. He had never felt like this about anyone else before.Â
You whine in your sleep, feeling yourself starting to wake up as Junâs fingers move over your hair. It was a nice way to wake up. He wasnât rushing you. You were warm and you felt safe. Slowly, your eyes open, and you canât help but smile when the first thing you see is Junâs face so close to yours. It wasnât a horrible way to start your day, and it was becoming something you looked forward to.Â
âMorning.âÂ
Humming in response, Jun traces the shape of your ear as he swallows hard, feeling how dry his mouth was. He couldnât stay with you much longer like this, no matter if he wanted to or not. He needed something to drink and his stomach was growling to the point that your eyes were glancing down at the bed. Watching your smile turn into a laugh at the sound, Jun shakes his head, leaning forward to press his lips against your forehead before sitting up with a groan. He was sore. His hands felt stiff. His knuckles almost needed to be forced to move as bruises had formed over the night.Â
Sitting up with Jun, you glance down at his hands before your pretty smile falls into a frown. Reaching for the hand closest to you, you take a breath, running your thumb over the cracked skin and hearing Jun wince. The adrenaline from the night before had made it easy for him to ignore the pain, but now it was evidentâeven if he wanted to pretend like he didnât feel it.Â
âI donât blame you for doing it, but you need to clean your hands better. I know he deserved to have his ass kicked.âÂ
Junâs brows furrow slowly as he lifts his head in confusion. Had he told you what happened while he was high? No, he hadnât been that high. He would remember. Looking over at you, Jun pulls his hand from you, rubbing his knuckles hard as you sigh at him, unhappy that he is treating his hands with so little care.Â
âWho deserved it? Iâm fine, Y/N. I donât know what the fuck you are talking about.âÂ
Watching Jun slide out of bed, you furrow your brows knowing exactly what he was doing. He was trying to hide things from you again. You thought if you caught him off guard with what you knew he would just tell you, not needing to be prompted to do it, but instead he was just lying.Â
Following behind him, you cross your arms as Jun opens the fridge harder than necessary to take out a bottle of water. Tossing the lid on to the kitchen island, he meets your eyes as he quickly drains the bottle and wipes his lips with the back of his hand. He could see you were upset with him, but he wasnât pleased with you. He was trying to figure out how you could know anything, but the more he thought about it, only one person came to mind, Minghao.Â
âIâm not doing this.âÂ
Shaking his head, Jun watches you scoff, your eyes rolling as he turns towards the bedroom. Your eyes move over his bare body, noticing scars that you had either ignored before or hadnât taken the time to really look at. Now your eyes were open and you were seeing everything. He had been through a lot more than you could ever really understand, but you wanted to.Â
Jun tugs open his dresser, pulling out a pair of sweatpants, not looking at you as you follow him into the room. He had a feeling you werenât going to give up, but that still didnât mean he was going to tell you anything. The only thing on Junâs mind was how badly he wanted to kick Minghaoâs ass.Â
Standing behind Jun, you watch him pull the pants up to his hips before you reach out to run your fingers over his hip, your index finger tracing a long scar. You find yourself wondering if the scar was from something as simple as an accident or if someone else had given it to him. The line was jagged and the more your imagination got away from you, you could almost picture it being made by a knife. A chill runs through your body, and your hand shakes as Junâs hand rests over yours.Â
âI want you to tell me things, Jun. I need to know whatâs going on. I still work at the bar. I canât sit in this fucking penthouse for the rest of my life.âÂ
Fingers tighten around yours as Jun scoffs. You were infuriating. Shaking his head, Jun turns to face you, dropping your hand as he walks towards you, watching you take a step back.Â
âAnd why the fuck not? Do you seriously still not get it? If you are so goddamn smart and you think you already know so much because your buddy Minghao has given you all the detailsââÂ
Jun stops for a moment when he sees your brows furrow, tears starting to coat your eyes. He knew he was upsetting you, but maybe thatâs what it was going to take. Leaning down to take both your wrists to keep you in front of him, Jun meets your eyes.Â
âYou donât know shit. He barely knows what the fuck heâs talking about, Y/N. You are safe here! In these walls. I donât want you at the bar!âÂ
Tugging your arms in Junâs grasp, you feel your anger rising. The tears that had started to collect in your eyes spill over onto your cheeks from frustration when he keeps a firm grip not letting you get your way.Â
âIâJun! Let me go. What do you mean, you donât want me there? I work there! You hired me to work there. I have to understand whatââÂ
âFine! Youâre fired!âÂ
You stop struggling and stand in front of Jun in shock when he cuts you off. You knew that he didnât want to explain things to you and that he wanted to protect you but you never thought he would go as far as to fire you. You were good at your job. You loved working with the people at the bar. You werenât close with your family so over time they had become like your family, and now Jun was keeping you from them.Â
Jun watches anger turn to pain on your face as your tears flow more freely down your face. His heart was aching, but he needed to make you understand his way. Yes, Park Bonhwa had hopefully gotten his message, but he also knew that every single one of his men had your face in their hands. It terrified him because he lovâ no, he couldnât even think about it.Â
âWhat did you just say to me?âÂ
Swallowing hard, Jun loosens his grip on you, trying to get his own footing as you make him repeat himself. It was harder the second time.Â
âIâI said, youâre fired, Y/N.âÂ
Jerking your arms from Junâs grasp, you pull from him as he watches, running his fingers through his hair as you start to move through the bedroom, picking up bits and pieces of your clothing. His heart was pounding in his chest; this hadnât been what he wanted. He didnât want you at the bar, but that didnât mean he didnât want or need you here.Â
âWait⊠baby. Whatâno. What are you doing?âÂ
Junâs hand pulls at your wrist as you push your things into the bag that Minghao had brought for you the first night you had been brought to the penthouse. Pulling away from him again, you hear Junâs breath get caught in his throatâalmost the sound of a choked sobâbut you donât look at him. You were too busy blinking away your own tears and making up your mind.Â
âIâm packing, Mr. Wen. What does it look like?âÂ
Hearing you call him Mr. Wen cuts like a knife. Groaning under his breath, Jun shakes his head and reaches for your bag this time, only for you to meet his eyes and for that look to stop him in his tracks. You looked furious and hurt.Â
âIf Iâm no longer your employee, you have no fucking reason to make me stay. I can walk out the door. I donât have any ties to you.âÂ
That was worse than his name. You were twisting the knife. Jun wasnât sure if you knew how he felt about you, but those words were breaking him. Pulling your bag over your shoulder, you try to push past Jun, tears dripping from your cheeks as he pulls you back against his chest, wrapping his arm around your chest.Â
âYou donât have anywhere to go. Donât do this, please? IâIâm sorry. I needâŠâÂ
Junâs voice trails off and you feel his fingers tremble against your shoulder. You knew you could probably pull his arm down and away from you, but leaning back against his chest, you could feel his body shake. You had never seen or heard Jun cry. There was no way he was crying over you.Â
âI can figure out somewhere to go.â Trying to look back at him, you see Jun close his eyes, turning his face away from you as if heâs hiding something. âWhat do you need? Finish the sentence.âÂ
Groaning, Jun lets you go, feeling you turn your body towards him. He was trying to keep his emotions in check, but his cheeks were wet. You canât stop yourself from frowning, you have to fight yourself to keep your hands at your sides as the urge to wipe the tears from his cheeks becomes strong. You were shocked to see him crying; it was breaking your heart, but it wasnât going to change your mind, not if Jun couldnât finish what he had started to say.Â
âIâI need you. I need you to stay here.âÂ
The first part of Junâs explanation makes your head feel light, almost as if you are going to faint. You take a breath to steady yourself. You had never been needed by anyone, especially not by someone like Wen Junhui, but hearing him admit it made you feel weak in the knees. The second part made your brows furrow, that seemed like what he had been saying over and over again.Â
âI canât just live inside this penthouse for the rest of my life and not be able to goââÂ
âNo, no, I know. Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry, baby. Please, let me explain.âÂ
Junâs eyes open, and his hands move to cautiously hold your arms as if heâs afraid youâll walk away from him. This time he doesnât force you to stand in front of him, but he guides you to stay watching and nod so he can continue.Â
âIâm so fucking scared someone will hurt you and I wonât be there to stop it. I thoughtâI was hoping that by keeping you inside the house, youâd be safe and happy.âÂ
Your head tilts, your eyes narrow, and Jun lets out a whining groan, knowing that he is wrong.Â
âI know; I see it now. You arenât happyânot happy like I wanted. I just get so fucking obsessed with wanting to keep you safe becauseâwell, becauseâŠâÂ
Lifting your brow, you watch Jun struggle with his words. He had always been so well spoken at the bar, even when he was yelling at someone. You had never seen him so tongue tied and unable to get his words to connect from his brain to his mouth. Shifting in his hands, you lift your hand to finally wipe at one of his cheeks with your thumb, and Jun almost melts at your touch. Leaning into your hand, he closes his eyes and lets out a soft, content sound, happy to feel your hand on his skin. He knows what he wants to say and what he needs to say, but itâs terrifying.Â
âJust say it, Jun. This is what is driving me crazy. I canât live my life around you if you donât tell me whatâs going on. I canât read your mind. I canât understand things if Iâm not told.âÂ
Nodding, Junâs hand gently wraps around your wrist so he can turn your hand in his leaning to press his lips to the heel of your hand. This was going to change everything. You were changing everything. Junâs entire worldview was on its head because of some innocent girl that he thought was cute and he decided to hire her. He just had to go and fall in love with you.Â
âIâll do better. I promise. Give me a chance. Donât leave me. You can come back to the bar. I need you.âÂ
There was still so much left unsaid, but you were getting the feeling that they were words that he needed time to process and to say. The words that he was able to say were enough to make your shoulders relax and for you to nod. You just wanted to compromise with him. You werenât trying to rebuild his entire world; you were just trying to be part of it.Â
Moving his hands to either side of your face, Jun furrows his brows, watching your expression. Your eyes stay locked on his and Jun finally lets out a breath, not seeing any sign that you were going to pull away from him again. Leaning forward, he pushes his lips against yours, gently letting the kiss hopefully say everything he canât seem to get out.Â
The kiss is different. Jun doesnât rush. Instead, his thumbs brush against your cheeks as his tongue glides along yours slowly. You find yourself having to wrap your fingers around his wrists to keep yourself steady as your head once again feels woozy. When you sway in his arms, Jun furrows his brows, only then pulling back to look at you to see your eyes still closed and your lips barely parted, waiting for another kiss. Smiling, he brushes his lips back against yours before pulling your bag from your shoulder and letting it fall to the floor as he walks you backward towards the bed.Â
The back of your legs hit the bed before you feel Jun lay you back on the bed. His hand behind your head doesnât let you fall; he rests one knee against the mattress as he lowers you down, making sure you never slip from his hold. Whispering his name, you start to slide your hands along Junâs chest as he hovers above you, but remembering how every time you had been with him, he hadnât let you touch him, you pause.Â
Jun furrows his brows, seeing the uncertainty in your eyes and the way your voice wavers. There was something intimate about having someone touch you. That had been why he hadnât wanted your hands on him often. He liked you too much. He had been falling in love with you too quickly and it scared the shit out of him. If he kept your hands off his skin as much as possible as he fucked you into a mattress or on top of his desk, then he couldnât feel as connected to you.Â
Looking at you now, as you lay under him, your lips parted as you took deep breaths. All Jun wants is your hands on him. Reaching for your hand, Jun lifts it and puts your palm against his chest, near his heart. You feel it beating hard and fast in his chest, almost faster than yours. Your eyes fall to where your fingers rest over Junâs skin as you carefully move your hand before bringing your other hand up to run it along his side. You could really see each scar now; you could trace them with your fingers, but you could also count each mole and freckle. You were able to appreciate how beautiful Jun was without being told not to touch him or being rushed to do something else.Â
Licking his lips, Jun feels chill bumps spread along his skin under your touch. You were being gentle, almost as if you were afraid he was going to make you stop. That wouldnât happen again. He was yours just as much as he claims you as his own now. He should tell you that, Jun thinks to himself as his thumb glides under the borrowed shirt that had ridden up on your torso. Shaking his head to himself, he just smiles instead and meets your eyes before pressing his lips to yours once again, his hips rutting against yours, begging for relief.Â
You had fallen for this man. You were breathless from his kiss and the way his mouth felt on your skin. You hadnât let yourself admit it, not even when Minghao teased you, but as Junâs kisses trailed along your jaw to your neck, you knew it was true. You couldnât see yourself anywhere else but with him now.Â
âWanna do this forever.âÂ
Junâs words make you clench around nothing; your thighs tighten around his hips. Groaning next to your ear at your reaction, Jun scratches his fingers up under your shirt, pushing it up your chest. If this were any other day, he would have already had you naked and split you open with his cock, but not this time. Jun didnât make love, but he did this time. He would make love to you.Â
âSound so pretty. Sound like an angel, kitten.âÂ
Whimpering as Jun speaks, you lean your head back, scratching your nails lightly over his shoulders and feeling his fingers massage at your breasts. This was better than any other time that he had fucked you. Yes, all the other times had felt great, but you were already so wet that you were uncomfortable and Jun had barely touched you.Â
âDonât tease. Please, not today, Junnie.âÂ
The name slips out of your mouth before you even think about it. Pressing your lips together, you wait for Jun to get upset or have at least a negative reaction, but instead he leans back to look down at you, a smile on his lips. Leaning down, Jun pecks at your lips as his brows furrow curiously.Â
âCall me that again.âÂ
Licking your lips, you watch Jun lean back, his hands pulling the shirt up and over your head so he can toss it behind him.Â
âJunnieâŠâÂ
Chuckling under his breath, Jun shakes his head at how much he enjoys the sweet name on your lips. He hated nicknames and most pet names. They were degrading to someone of his standing, but this one coming out of your mouth made his chest feel light.Â
You sigh happily when Junâs lips brush over the top of your breast, his kisses moving slowly over your skin until he reaches your nipple. Lacing your fingers through his hair, your grip gets tighter when Junâs tongue laps at your nipple, causing it to harden. So much of your time with Jun has been centered on him. Anything he had done at the end of the day had been to prepare you to take him, but now he was taking his time, almost worshiping you as he worked his way from one breast to the other.Â
âAh⊠feels good.âÂ
Grazing his teeth over your pebbled nipple, Jun smiles when you arch your chest towards his mouth. He hadnât been lying when he said you sounded like an angel. Every moan and whimper out of your mouth was driving him crazy. He could feel himself leaking against the front of his sweatpants as he worked his kisses lower, over your stomach, and down to where your panties sat low on your hips.Â
Glancing up at you, Jun watches you lift your hand to brush your fingers at your lips, trying to be quieter, only to fail to feel his warm breath fan across your panties. He didnât want you to be quiet and he had a feeling you wouldnât be able to once he got started.Â
Using his index finger, Jun tugs your panties to the side, marveling at how wet your folds are. Carefully, he separates your lips using his thumb, letting out a soft groan as his eyes move from your clit down to your clenching hole. He knew how good it felt to be inside of you, and he wanted that more than anything, but he could be patient. Today, for you, he could do just about anything.Â
When Junâs tongue glides between your folds, you almost start to cry. Tears of pleasure sit on the rims of your eyes as you scratch the bedding under your hands. The warmth of his mouth, mixed with the fact that he clearly knows what he is doing, is enough to make you see stars.Â
Stiffening his tongue, Jun wraps one arm under your leg, pulling you closer to his mouth as he furrows his brows to your taste. Pushing his tongue into you, he canât help the deep groan that escapes his mouth and causes his mouth to almost vibrate against your pussy. Muttering fuck, against your folds, Jun shakes his head as he leans back to spit on your already soaking folds. Watching his spit drip down your skin, he smirks and is right back to what he was doing, his lips and tongue moving over your clit, making your thighs shake.Â
When you cum, you donât have time to warn Jun. You only have enough time to push your fingers into his hair and hold him tighter between your legs as you cry out in pleasure. Letting go of his head, you start to apologize when you feel Jun laugh, his lips pressing against your thigh. Shaking his head, he groans and turns his attention back to your pussy. Jun can feel your thighs shaking around his head as he laps at the cum dripping from you but he only stops when you whine and tell him itâs too much.Â
"Sorry, baby, you taste so good. I should have done that earlier.âÂ
Covering your face, you feel your cheeks burning under his attention. Fingers work your soaked panties down your legs before Jun kicks his sweatpants off and to the side. Gently, he moves your hand from your face as he settles back between your legs, resting on top of you. He knew that you were shy, but, in his opinion, you had nothing to be shy about.Â
Taking your hand in his, Jun presses his lips to the tips of your fingers before leaning to capture your lips with his own. You sigh into the kiss, only for the sigh to turn into a moan when you feel Jun push the head of his cock against your pussy. You are so wet that he slips in with much more ease than any time before, but the stretch still makes you tense up at first.Â
Resting his forehead against yours, Jun groans your name quietly as he thrusts into you with slow and steady movements. You had gotten used to him being rough and quick, but now you were feeling every inch of him as he pressed his hips flush with yours with every thrust. Mouth falling open with a breathless moan, you close your eyes tightly, and Jun can only nod in agreement as you clench around him tightly.Â
âFuck, so perfect. Want you to be mine, kitten. I justââ Groaning, Jun buries his head against your neck, kissing up to your ear before he finally speaks again and says what he had been so afraid to say. âI just love you so fucking much.âÂ
The words both shock you and send you over the edge. Clinging to Jun, you gasp his name in a loud moan as he kisses your neck, letting you roll your hips over him to ride out your orgasm. Throwing your head back, your brows furrowed tightly, you watch as Jun follows your same patch a few moments later. Pushing back on his hand so that he isnât laying on top of you, Jun holds your hip tightly with his free hand as he thrusts into you once more hard, filling you full of his cum.Â
Moments pass silently, just quickened breath as you and Jun come down from your climax. You brush your fingers over his forehead, pushing his hair back from where it sticks to his damp skin as he licks his lips. Finally meeting your eyes, Jun almost looks shy, knowing you heard what he said. It wasnât as if he had said it quietly and been in your ear. Seeming to know what the look is for, you smile and trail your fingers along the side of his face, stopping to brush your thumb over his lips, feeling him kiss the pad of your finger.Â
âIt scares me, but I love you too.âÂ
Jun furrows his brows at your wording. He could understand it. His world was a lot. You had already been hurt and seen or heard about others being hurt. It wouldnât surprise him if you told him you never wanted to see him again after he kept you locked in his penthouse like some princess he wanted to keep away from the world. Instead, you were saying it back to him and his heart was racing so hard that he was afraid it might explode.Â
âIâyeah? I mean, Iâm scared shitless. So fucking scared. Iâve never said that to anyone before. I donât wanna fucââÂ
Sensing Jun was rambling, you laugh and lean up on your elbows a few inches to press your lips to his to stop him before he really gets started. Junâs lips pull up at the sides in a smile before he really lets himself give into the kiss. Turning on to the side, Jun pulls you with him, feeling his softening cock slip from you, knowing it would cause a mess, but he couldnât find a reason to care as long as you were in his arms and his lips were on yours.Â
After a few moments, you are the first to wrinkle your nose, and the sticky feeling becomes unbearable. Pulling back from the kiss, you watch Jun pout and lean his head to the side like a puppy being disciplined. Shaking your head, you smile, and your cheeks once again heat up at how sweet he was acting around you after all of the tough guy acts you had seen over the months of knowing him.Â
âUm, weâwell I need a shower.âÂ
Gesturing down at your body, Jun follows your fingers with his eyes before pursing his lips. He knew you were right, but that didnât make it any less bothersome. If you needed a shower, he was coming with you. When you gasp next to his ear, feeling Junâs hands lifting you from the bed to carry you towards the bathroom, he just grins and meets your eyes.Â
âWhat? I thought you needed a shower. I need one too.âÂ
Sighing, you kick your legs a bit as if that should answer your question, but Jun leans to nip at your jaw before sitting you on the counter. Looking around the bathroom as Jun turns on the shower, you find yourself remembering the first night you had been in the penthouse and how this was mildly similar to it. You felt much better, but Jun was still taking care of you. He was starting your shower and keeping a watchful eye on you.Â
âThank you, Jun.âÂ
Humming out a confused sound, Jun looks at you as he turns back from the shower, testing the water on his fingers. The look on your face makes his smile drop a bit before he moves back towards you, stepping between your thighs. He could see there was something on your mind.Â
âFor what? Whatâs wrong?âÂ
Looking around, you shake your head and enjoy the feeling of his hands running along your arms.Â
âFor protecting me, bringing me here, and now for trusting me that I can handle it.âÂ
Jun sighs and leans his head towards you so his forehead can rest against yours. It was a terrifying thought, letting you into his world completely, but he knew you werenât going to give up. He would just keep you safer by his side. Teach you how to protect yourself until he was sure you could do it.Â
âMm, thank you for staying.âÂ
READ THE BONUS SECTION ON PATREON
© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.
#jun smut#seventeen smut#svthub#junhui smut#minghao smut#svt smut#jun angst#junhui angst#seventeen angst#minghao angst#svt angst#jun x reader#junhui x reader#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#minghao x reader#the8 smut#the8 angst
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6/2 Update: Security deposit has been paid!! Thank you so much to everyone for the help đ I still have to pull together all of June rent for my current place which is $675. Thank you everyone for all of the help so far đ
Iâm asking for help with June rent, which is $675 and needs to be paid ASAP.
Cashapp https://cash.app/clawshot
venmo https://venmo.com/rmck89
ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/roebeanstalk
Any help at all is super appreciated. Every dollar adds up, and shares are so helpful too. I know that Iâve received so much help from people in the past and I canât thank you all enough. I hope that this is the last of these that I have to do.
Needs:
June rent: $23/$675
Security Deposit: $495/495 Paid đ
Bonus:
July rent (First month at new place): $495
Movers + Uhaul: $300-350
More info on my situation under the cut!
Thank you so, so so much.
I have a history of mental health issues, and as a result I have a very difficult time getting and maintaining employment. My mental health also impacts my ability to keep up with and complete freelance/commission work in a timely manner. While I have made some incredible steps forward lately thanks to the right combo of therapy, medication, and a support system, I am still not at a point where I am self-sufficient yet. I am getting there â and I am committed to keep trying no matter what.
Original post blurb, taken out of main post since deposit has been paid:
My landlord has decided not to move forward with me as a tenant due to my history with payment/mental health. While this is frustrating as heck, itâs allowed me to find a better, more affordable housing situation. I have signed a lease at a new place and move in July 1st!Once the deposit is paid, my space on the lease is officially secured and I am good to go. This is the main thing that I am looking for help with.
Why I need help:
This new housing situation is incredible for me â itâs a room in a quiet house with two other queer folk, and the rent is very affordable compared to my current situation. The new place is $485/month, the current place is $675/month. Even with utilities, my total overhead for shelter will cost less than rent at my current place. If I can secure my spot in this house and move forward, I see such a clear path forward for me in terms of self-improvement and self-sufficiency.
For the first time in 15 years, I feel like I can tackle the things ahead of me. If youâre able to help out I would really, really appreciate it.
What Iâm doing:
I am job hunting for something that works well for my situation. With the cost of rent, I think that a part time job will be able to cover it. The process of getting a job is difficult for me, but I am committed to continuing to work at it.
On the art front, I have occasional comic coloring jobs that help me out. I also have commissions â I have finally been moving forward at a good rate and have been really happy with my work. In time, this will be able to be a more standard income route. I also have a Patreon that brings in about $65/month.
Cashapp https://cash.app/clawshot / venmo https://venmo.com/rmck89 / ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/roebeanstalk
Thank you so much for reading over all of this. Thank you to everyone who has helped with donations or kind words or reblogs. Thank you so much to every commissioner and customer who has been patient as hell with me on artwork, communication, and stickers. Thank you thank you thank you. Thanks to every single one of you I have been able to keep pushing myself forward, and I'm so happy to keep doing it and make good on everything. And eventually, give back to my community. I love you all so much, even though i don't know any of you that well. Thank youuuu. <3
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andromeda | (dybmn? bonus)
a bonus vignette from spencer's POV. we find out how he really feels about reader. takes place the day before the argument at the bar.
note: this is not part six! takes place between parts four and five.
series masterlist
18+ warnings/tags: fem!reader, semi-graphic descriptions of sexual fantasies, some angst, you're not actually present, mention of alcohol, very vague discussions of murdery stuff bc he's supposed to be working, sassy spencer makes an appearance a/n: for all my angels who said they wanted a snippet of spencer's POV! i'm sorry if i'm overdoing it with this story or clogging the spencer tags, i'm just having a lot of fun! i hope you enjoy or that this may be clears some things up for you, pls lmk your thoughts:) ily!!!
Spencer is incessantly drumming the particle board table underneath his fingers.
The polymer veneer is one of his least favorite texturesâhe hates the grain of it and if he were to accidentally scratch the table with his nails he knows it would make the hair on the back of his neck stand up.Â
But of all the things heâs worried about, that ranks very low on the list.Â
Heâs got a lot of mental tabs open all the timeâand the tabs, he can deal with. Itâs when he starts trying to operate with multiple windows that he begins to struggle. His brain, while it is a very fine tuned sort of computer, only has one monitor. Unfortunately, no human (except for the ones whoâve had their brain hemispheres surgically split) is immune to the inevitable pitfalls of multitasking. By dividing his mental energy between you and his job, heâs really fucking up his job. But he also thinks he really fucked up with you on that phone call the other night and for being as logical as he is he canât seem to make that feel unimportantâeven though heâs disgusted with himself for it because there are literally people dying.Â
Someone knocks on the open conference room doorâhe looks up, skimming his lips over his fist.Â
âWhatâs up?â he says too quickly upon seeing Emilyâs mildly concerned face peering in on him.Â
Her mouth bridges into a sort of nonchalant frown and her brows kick up.Â
âJust⊠checking in. Havenât heard from you all morning.â
âYeah, the, uhâthe geo-profile. Iâm still⊠Iâm still working it out.â
Itâs not like heâs ever been phenomenal with his syntax in a social sense, but Spencer is certainly aware heâs doing even worse than usual right now.Â
âOkay. Uh⊠is there anything in particular stumping you, orâŠ?â
âNope. Just not enough information. But IâmâIâm going to keep trying.â
âAlright. Got your phone handy?â
Itâs an odd questionâof course he has his phone handy. Heâs been doing this job longer than Emily has. How else would he communicate with the rest of the team? He bristles.Â
âYeah. Why wouldnât I?â
Emily shakes her head. Sheâs always been particularly good at reading his moods.
âYouâre not under attack, Reid. I was just asking.â
Just as heâs about to say, why would you assume Iâm not prepared for my job, he manages to swerve away and stifle the words with his fist. Instead he looks back down at his copy of the map and nods. In reality, he truly isnât prepared for his job today. The reason he has his phone so close, fully charged and at top volume is because heâs worried heâll miss a call from you.Â
Emily says something else, and he hums in response, and then sheâs gone.Â
He shouldnât be reading into your reticence this much. Itâs not like you just sit by the phone all day, eagerly awaiting a call or text from him (like he does you). You have a life. Youâre busy. And even if you are intentionally dodging his texts, he canât entirely fault you for it. Spencer knows heâs clingy. He knows heâs overbearing. Itâs part of why he panicked the other night and told you the whole humiliating story about Elle. Because he canât ever just be cool and he felt the need to explain himself.Â
But the problem was, and is, that he doesnât know how much longer he can go without saying those three words that fucked him over all those years ago.
So heâd danced around them. Applied them to someone else to try and avoid outright professing his all-consuming love for you over the phone. However you feel, Spencer has to assume he feels more. Spencer always has to assume he feels more because he usually does and itâs gotten him into trouble before. And now heâs pretty sure he was exactly right, as often is the case, because you didnât tell him he was mistaken and youâd clammed up and you havenât talked to him since and heâs not supposed to be reading into it this much.Â
Three victims killed and dumped within a 6 mile radius of the first victim plus one victim killed and dumped 23.8 miles away. That doesnât make any fucking sense. Fuck this guy.Â
Spencer decides the problem is that he needs more caffeine.Â
Or possibly, if he were a different kind of manâcopious amounts of alcohol.Â
So he stows his phone in a pocket and asks the first person he sees where the coffee machine is.Â
âLooks like you found it earlier,â the woman says, glancing pointedly down at his mostly empty mug. A playful smirk tugs at pinkish-brownish lips. Sheâs pretty, he realizes distantly. But he registers it the same way heâd take note of the model of a car, or the species of a bird, or the kind of shoes someone is wearing. It doesnât actually interest him. Itâs just part of processing his environment. âI can show you to it?â
He doesnât have the heart or energy to explain that someone else brought him his cup earlier and heâs not flirting with her.Â
âIf you could just point me in the right directionâŠ?â
She laughs, short and dry, before sheâs pointing down a hall.Â
âKitchenette down there and to the left.â
âThanks,â he mutters, already walking away without sparing her a second glance.Â
Sheâs the kind of woman he would have paid a lot more attention to before you came along. Not that heâd ever sleep with someone on the job (not since he was 25, anyway), but if heâd met her under any other circumstances he probably would have cared more about the way her pupils dilated and her eyes had widened slightly and sheâd adjusted her posture and all the other small things people do when theyâre attracted to someone else. 30 year old Spencer might have slept with her. 27 year old Spencer definitely would have slept with her. Current Spencer obsessively pines for a woman who is already his girlfriend and whom he has yet to sleep with at all far too much to think about other women like that.Â
But god, does he think about you like that.Â
His feet carry him down the dim, carpeted hallway but really it took barely a nudge and heâs thinking about you like that. At work. As heâs pouring himself coffee.Â
Spencer is confident in the fact that if anyone were to look at him right now, theyâd never guess heâs running clips of you in his mind like a dirty supercut. Because heâs just pouring coffee. Thatâs one good thing about having all those tabs open all the time. He can toggle between them quickly. He has enough going on in the background that people look at him and all they can tell is that heâs thinking hard about lots of things. Some of them just happen to be the way you look when youâre naked on his bed, skin shining and glazed eyes sleepy, parted lips higher in color than usual and catching your breath. Some of them happen to be your hair brushing his stomach before he gathers it back for you. Some of them happen to be the way your thighs feel on either side of his face, or how you stretch around his fingers, or how you might feel when you stretch around hisâ
He hisses as hot coffee overflows from the mug and burns his hand.Â
Maybe heâs not as calm and collected as he thought.Â
But on top of all the other things heâs dealing with, having been so close to actually sleeping with you the other night is really fucking with his head. Even if he tells himself he wouldn't have done it, he knows himself better than that. He's too familiar with the effect you have on his judgement.
âFound it okay?âÂ
Spencer looks down, surprised to see the woman from earlier sitting at her desk and watching him as he quickly passes by on his way back to the conference room. Her legs are crossed. Sheâs wearing a pencil skirt and a flouncy sort of blouse which seems impractical for working in an FBI field office. Maybe she notices his eye catching on her figure and misguidedly swivels her chair to give him a better look. But all heâs noticing is that it doesnât look like yours. Now heâs picturing the curve of your hip dripping in silk after that first night at Rossiâs. How your waist and your stomach feel when he slides his hands over you. This womanâshe might as well not even be here for all heâs actually seeing her.Â
âYeah. Thanks again.â
Then heâs gone. Very briefly he acknowledges that he should feel sorry for so obviously brushing her off, but he doesnât care even close to enough. He sets the coffee down on the table and rounds to the board where one of several maps is taped. On autopilot he draws lines between dump sites because one of the background tabs had deduced, while he was busy watching you like porn, that the distance between dump sites form the beginnings of the constellation Orion with some mathematical precision thatâs too exacting to be coincidental. Orionâs Belt plus the most recent victim. Betelgeuse.Â
There are ten formally named stars that make up Orion. He marks all of them, but circles the transposed coordinates of Bellatrix, Saiph, Rigel and Meissa as the next most likely dump sites. Most probably it will be Orionâs head. Theyâre all in wooded areas. He calls Garcia. Garcia will call Emily, wherever she is. If the unsub sticks to pattern, which they always do, they have until midnight. Itâs trite, really. Predictable, like people always are. Far too quickly he drinks half the cup of scalding coffee and retraces his steps through the office to find the bathroom.Â
Itâs empty. The fluorescent lights hum. Spencer washes his hands with cold water and presses still wet fingers to his eyes. Youâre waiting for him behind the black of his lids.
At first you would whine, and he would kiss you and youâd moan into his mouth and say his name when he opened you up as far as you would go. The air would be thick and warm with sex and vanilla perfume. Afterwards heâd take care of you and buy new sheets for his bed in your favorite color even if they didnât match the walls and there would be nothing youâd want for that he couldnât give to you ever again.Â
But.Â
Thatâs all contingent.Â
No matter how often he fantasizes about it, no matter in how much detail, and regardless of how often those details change wildly, one thing always stays the same.Â
The shape of your lips, swollen from kissing, bending around five or six vowels and only two consonants (it seems odd that there are only two consonants in I love you), sometimes before you start, sometimes in the middle or right at the peakâbut always there, always moving in slow motionâand always silent.
In real life, theyâd be aloud. Itâs why his fantasies arenât good enough. Itâs why he canât stop fantasizing about it. Thatâs the only part that really matters to him. The rest varies.Â
Not because having sex with you doesnât matterâit matters so much he almost shatters his molars whenever he starts picturing it around other people. But because Spencer canât have sex with you until you love him.Â
And he worries that you canât love him until you have sex with him.Â
The last time he thought that about a person, it didnât turn out well.
Maybe there is some magic number. Some amount of times you need to have sex with someone before theyâll love you back.Â
If there is, he knows for a fact itâs more than 32.
And he also knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he cannot have loveless sex with you thirty three times while he waits to find out.Â
Not again.Â
But he's going to hold out as long as he possibly can until you say it because he so badly wants you to love him back. He'll let the weight of every ignored text, every reminder that you don't feel that way about him, hang from his shoulders until he collapses. And then he'll probably try to get back up.
Recycled paper towels scratch against his skin. He dries his face and hands and throws them crumpled into the trash can.Â
Outside the restroom, he pulls out his phone. For safety reasons and paranoia disguised as professionalism, youâre not his lock screen. Itâs a photo of the Andromeda Galaxy. Whatever distance lies between you and Spencer, it could always be greater. No matter where you are in the world, you will always be the same 2.537 million light years away from Andromeda that he is.Â
It makes Orion feel much closer. You, too.Â
He sends you a textâthe third message in a row.Â
The distance between blue bubbles feels like light years.Â
Iâll be home tomorrow. I miss you.Â
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid angst#dr spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine
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Sending Stone Messages
A list for me that I want to update as new ones come in! Which w/ Dorian back, hopefully not so much (But i think I found all of them so far)
Bonus Ep 6 - Orym gripping the sending stone while Dorian was away
Ep 16 Fearne - right after Dorian leavesÂ
Ep 22 Orym â âWeâre leaving Jrusar, heading southeast. Following the Treshi thread further. Youâve been missed. Hope youâre well.
Dorian â âHey, sorry. Was sleeping. Thanks. Miss you guys too. Shit got crazy here too. Floating bar, Iâll tell you later.Â
Ep 31Â Orym â âHey friend. Missing you here. Could really use your special brand of optimism right now. Donât know where you are. Hope youâre happy. Bye now.â
Dorian â âHey! Floating bar got a little weird. Took awhile to land it. This side of the fam is keeping me busy. Miss you all too- Donât die!â
Bonus Ep 33 - Sending stone falling from Orym's hand as he dies from Otohan
Ep 40Â Orym â âHey. Yios bound. Found them- their killers. Bigger than we thought. Read rough, Dorian. Eshteross is dead. Glad youâre not here, wish you were anyway.â
Ep 41 Dorian (via Robbie)â âOh Orym~ My heart aches I cannot be there to help you. Find strength, stay steadfast. Sending you fairer winds. âŠ. Is this thing on or-â
Ep 49 Orym â âDorian. Update. People weâre chasing unleashing hell in a week. Weâre headed there now. Odds not good. More tomorrow. Where are you?
Dorian â âOrym! With the rest of the Crown Keepers in TalâDorei. Opalâs getting a little dark. Little busy at the moment.. I donât even know how to get to you.â
Ep 49 Orym -- "Hey buddy. I have a weird request from the other side of the ocean. Can you see the leylines? Is your night sky lit up? Ash says, "Hi." You'll know if you see it. Dorian -- "Yeah, it's, It's real colorful up here, too. I'd take it in and enjoy the display if things weren't so tense at the moment.. Tell Ashton I say hi."
Ep 49 Orym â âListen, whatâs going on over here is really bad. Get the group, get underground. Stay there until you hear from me again⊠Miss youâ
Dorian â âI'll see what I can do. Thereâs plenty of places underground, Iâm sure. It's a little hairy on this end too. You take care of yourself. Be carefulâ
Ep 59Â Orym â âDorian?? Can you hear me? whatâs the sky look like where you are? Tell me youâre okay-â
Ep. 63 Orym â âDorian. still alive, by the skin of our teeth. want to talk more. you know where Dariax is?â
Bonus I miss you - Ep. 79Â "I really miss Dorian and sometimes I think that's okay and sometimes it isn't."
Ep 86 Orym â âDorian, weâre alive. Been to the moon, going back. Find the tempest. If I donât get the chance again, Iâve really missed you.â
Ep 92 Orym â "We're home. Can you hear me? I'm northeast of Bassuras. Can you get there? I'm... struggling. Sorry. Can you get here? Fuck, I miss you."
Ep 93 Dorian (Robbie back) - "I'll be there" Bonus 93 Fearne - "Wait, what are you doing here? How did you get here?" Dorian - "Well, I got your message." Ep 94 Orym â "Dorian. Dorian. Dorian, wake up. Dorian. Fearne and I outside the city, about 10 minutes. Need you all."
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I don't think enough people really appreciate how horrifying Heritage Found is; especially for Erenville. Like Erenville left his homeland, but obviously believed it would still be there when he returned because why wouldn't it? But nope he comes back and the entire place is just gone. The environment has been devastated and twisted beyond recognition, the villages once full of life are abandoned, and everyone he knew is nowhere to be found.
The one time he does find someone they've chosen to adopt the culture of Alexandria and use of a regulator. In doing so he's forgotten all the elders who've died within the last 30 years and it appears all the other youths have as well. If you have even a passing knowledge of indigenous culture you'd immediately understand how devastating it is to lose elders and all the memories and knowledge they held.
Like Heritage Found is really just the most textbook way of executing colonization. Alexandria devastated the local environment driving the people of Yyasulani out of their homes and ways of life and onto designated settlements in order to survive. We can see how worn down the old settlements are after only 30 years; there's no way anyone who willingly remained there would've survived the endless lightning strikes. Your ass moved to the settlements or perished.
Alexandria then offered a wondrous device that would guarantee if they do wander their ancestral lands they won't immediately die when inevitably struck by lightning and also has the bonus of erasing any memory of those who die while wearing one. Sphene says everyone has a choice to wear a regulator, but we see they're all heavily encouraged to wear it so like is it really a choice when literally everyone you know is constantly on your ass telling you you should really consider using it? Ehh...I hesitate to believe the words of the AI programmed to be a little too okay with perpetuating bloody conquest lol
There's even an old graveyard that's been completely abandoned since so many people in Heritage Found have opted into the regulator usage; it's only maintained by a single shetona who still cares about their traditions enough.
And then there's the most obvious thing which is the renaming of Yyasulani to Heritage Found. Just straight up "nah we're not calling this Yyasulani anymore" which yeah. That sucks. Plus after 30 years of having everyone's memories erased how many Turali natives and descendants probably even remember the indigenous names of all the places in Yyasulani?
Erenville didn't just lose his mom he lost his entire culture and homeland in the blink of an eye. There's no wonder why the dude was literally silent for 99% of Solution 9 and Living Memory. He experienced a loss that's literally unfathomable to most people playing this game who never had to experience the echoing pain of knowing their culture was systematically destroyed for the sake of conquest.
I really really hope we get some post patch content that explores Yyasulani with Erenville. I don't want to see that area left in its current state let us take down the dome!!
#dawntrail spoilers#man heritage found was legitimately a gut punch and i've been thinking about it for weeks#lampreyxiv
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Hai hai! I wanted to request HCs for Riddle, Ace, Cater, Leona, Jamil, Azul, Floyd, Jade, Vil, and Malleus (apologies, that's a lot of characters-) with a reader that is normally awkward/easy to fluster but will randomly do or say something really bold. If that's already been done then please ignore!
Hope you have a nice day! Or night! Or secret third thing???? :3
I think this is rather similar to this, but I haven't done some of these characters with this prompt so I'll just write them here :)
*à©â©â§âË the boys do a flirt (part 2)
type of post: headcanons characters: ace, cater, floyd, jade additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu
we all know that Ace prides himself on his flirting skills
what can he say?
seeing you get all shy and giggly is a huge ego boost for him
he can't help himself!
even his corniest lines get a reaction out of you, it's too easy
(and giving Deuce secondhand embarrassment is a big bonus)
he starts to think that maybe he's overdone it when you start using his own lines against him
it catches him by surprise every time
and he can't even play it cool!
but, he'll admit, he's... kinda into it
turns out the taste of his own medicine is pretty sweet
*à©â©â§âË
not unlike Ace, Cater just really likes getting a reaction out of you
for one, it's good for his self-esteem
for another, you're the cutest thing he's even seen
and, finally, he knows just how to press your buttons
even his brain works on an algorithm
he figures out what you react to the most, and then uses that until you're reduced to a flustered mess
rinse and repeat
and when you start giving back the same energy, he's...
well, surprised, but also...
damn...
what's a friendship without a little tension that makes everyone else in the room uncomfortable, anyway?
^ Riddle hates you both
*à©â©â§âË
I had to think about how Floyd would flirt for longer than I'd like to admit
like... he bites people, right? we agree that he bites?
generally just annoying on purpose
closing books while you're reading them, stealing your things (and then pretending he doesn't have them), holding your things above his head where you can't reach...
anything to get you all riled up
it's adorable!
he's more used to being yelled at than flirted back with, though
this is much better, in his opinion
let's hope you're more clever than he is, though
he adapts fast
*à©â©â§âË
flirting with Jade means a lot of subtle comments and subdued looks
let's hope you're good at reading subtext...
you're going to need all the help you can get with this one
one careless glance in your direction could be him checking you out, and you'd never know
being, perhaps, the most subtle of flirts in this post, your boldness almost makes him blush
it's as if you're not even afraid of him
how... interesting
if you hadn't caught his full attention before, you surely have now
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#queued#ace trappola x reader#cater diamond x reader#floyd leech x reader#jade leech x reader
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âœâŻâŸ - THE LOVE COOK
ê° synopsis ê± : Sanji has always had an affinity for cooking but nothing could ever compare to cooking for you. But his plan backfires and he realizes heâs in for more than he bargained for.
ê° content ê± : MDNI. perv!sanji x dom!reader ; minor food play, handjob, minor cum play, lots of praise, unprotected sex, creampie, cunnilingus, usage of good boy (once), â WC : 4.6k
â đ ê° Waxing Crescent ! ê±Â â kinktober masterlist
Sanji's always had an affinity for cooking. Since he was young, his love for it wove into the depths of his very being, one of the things he greatly identified with.Â
Under Zeff's vigorous training, the young cook fought to chase his passion, learning everything he could in what it meant to be a chef that was fit enough for the seas. And as time went on, it only strengthened. Year after year of trying new recipes, of feeding people who were hungry and above all, never wasting a drop â the bond grew along with him.
But as he got older, there was a new bonus for cooking. One that was filthy and always left him feeling like a perv, and yet â he couldnât stop indulging himself.
Sanji really, really loved cooking for women.
It's honestly sinful how much he enjoys serving them food. How he makes sure his fingers grace their lap with a napkin â the fleeting touch of their thigh sending a thrill throughout his body, always ensuring to push in their chair a little too tightly so their chest presses against the table, and of course, feeding them a heartfelt compliment here and there while eating up their flustered state.
Every cook loves to see the reaction their food can evoke in people but Sanji takes it to a new level.Â
Women ooh and aww over his cooking, after that first bite he can clearly see it written all over their beautiful faceâs. The direct line of pleasure he supplied them effortlessly coating their features, eyes rolling to the back of their head at the divine taste of their favorite foods.
But the real treat is when he hears their moans of approval. Quiet, loud, breathless, guttural, heâs heard it all. It's only natural that he savors the sound in the deepest banks of his memory to touch himself to those keepsakes later, pairing it with their heavenly expressions as his fist closes around his cock.
So when he finally has you as his little taste tester, sitting across from him as he serves you, the game changes. Suddenly, all of the other women heâs served pale in comparison to your reaction.
The moment the dessert coated fork touches your mouth he can see the explosion of gratification before him and he counts every blessing he has front row seats.
The small smile that graces your face, licking the extra cream off your lips as if you couldnât get enough, an elongated yet quiet hum followed by his name and whatever praise you had for him immediately had his cock swelling in his trousers, pushing against the tightness of the fabric.
For a breath, he was just as dazed as you, watching your signs of contentment, your taste buds positively satisfied with all the flavors he lovingly poured into the dish.Â
But he needed more.Â
He needed to hear your praise once again.
âYou like it?â Sanji barely managed to ask, straightening up as he tried to hide his lower half behind the counter.
âLike it?â You swallow down the food, your pretty eyes meeting his and he feels as if he was brutally shot by cupid's arrow, headshotted and left without any hope of being saved. âI love it.â
Something electric buzzed in the room that felt far too foreign to Sanji. Compliments would always effortlessly spill from his lips as easy as breathing but the way you were looking at him whisked every last drop of air from his lungs, suffocating them with the addicting allure of your praise.
The roles were suddenly reversed and now you were the one who was eyeing him.
Stalking up like a panther ready to strike, you rise from your chair and make your way over to him with a dark look in your eye he hasnât been privy to before. Each movement was dragged out, languid yet precise. Like this was the moment you had been patiently waiting for and the thought drove Sanji close to madness.
âMon-cheriââ Sanji started as he backed up against the counter under the intense aura you were emitting. It wasnât a well thought out plan as you begin to corner him, effectively catching him in your little trap. He canât lie and say the energy didnât excite him, but it was certainly unexpected. Far too long he had been pining over you, dreaming of a moment like this but now that itâs here, heâs not so sure what to do.
âYou know what would make this taste even better?â A redundant question as you donât give him a chance to answer.Â
Taking your pointer finger, you gently scoop up some of the whipped cream off of the delicious pastry that Sanji had ever so graciously made for you. With a measured stroke, you glide his cherished creation down his neck, along his pulse point so you can feel how vigorously it races for you, his heart throbbing viciously against the chamber of his ribcage.
âW-what are you doing?â The question falls flat, dithery nerves striking up a cord within him that had him wanting to reach for his nearest cigarette to cope with the heart palpitations you were giving him with each move you make. âWait, donât waste it!â
âWaste it?â You tilt your head as you stand before him. His hands clutch onto the edge of the counter behind him in an attempt to steel himself. A soft puff of air caresses Sanji's skin moments before you lean in with your tongue peeking out of the confines of your mouth. dragging the pink muscle along his neck, you hum in approval at the sweet taste. âJust what I thought, even sweeter.â
His face burns red, the flames desperately licking at his cheeks under the sear of your compliments. Normally, he would be the one gifting them out, carried with a sweet melody of adoration. The energy he so readily gives out is now crashing back at him in full force and the poor cook can only tremble in anticipation.Â
Sanji's eye pinches shut in hopes of taking a moment to gather himself. But you were equipped with another dose of admiration, ready to pour it over him until he felt drowned in affection.
âYou have such a pretty face, Sanji.â You push his hair back, revealing both of his closed eyes. âAnd beautiful eyes, I wish youâd show them more.â
Your wish is his command after all.
Slowly, Sanji's eyes begin to open â showcasing the birth of a new day as he reveals the beautiful blue that pools in his irises. The kind that reminds you of the All Blue book heâs shown you countless times when the two of you would curl up together while keeping watch for the ship. But once they lock onto yours, they abruptly morph into the stormy seas of the new world, holding the utter excitement of uncharted territory thatâs waiting to be claimed.
âWhat are you doing?â Sanji asks the question again.
âNothing.âYour voice carries a silken lilt that smoothes over him like a balm. âNothing you donât want me to do, at least.â
âLike what?â He breathes out. If it wasnât for the close proximity due to you crowding him in the small corner of the kitchen, he doubts that you wouldâve picked up on his shaky words.
âOh Sanji,â The giggle that spills from your lips has his knees buckling, hands twitching to touch you and he swears he might fall over for a moment from the mountain of sheer desire heâs trying to hike through. âDonât be so coy. Youâre the one thatâs always flirting with me ever since I joined the crew, did you not mean all the wonderful things you said?â
âO-of course I meant them!â Sanji's face becomes coated in a dark pink once again, the blush spreading throughout his cheeks as blood starts to drip from his nose. He quickly catches it with his hand, all too acutely aware of his traitorous body. âI'd never lie to you, my sweet.â
âThen donât act so surprised.â Your hands slide up his arms, eyes intently watching him as he shudders under your touch. âAnd let me kiss you.â
Without another breath, lips softly collide. An explosion of shooting stars burst between the two of you as sparks caress your body. It's tender, unpracticed, and entirely wonderful. Utilizing small movements as you slowly figure out the rhythm of each other's mouths. How do his lips move? How do yours? How could they mold together so you can share the same breath?
After a few moments, you begin to gel against his â growing needier, craving more. Suddenly, the little pecks arenât enough and your senses long to be invaded by everything that makes him up.Â
So, you boldly take the first step, your tongue pokes out to trace along his lip, feeling him out while your taste buds engrave the flavor to memory. His tongue follows suit, the soft muscle touches yours and after that, you blur into each other.
Like waves that grace the shoreline, you find a steady tide of give and take â back and forth as you learn what he likes, what will draw him back in, what will pull him under your current.Â
Following a steady motion that you two create together, your own song dedicated to your souls courting each other, dancing around feelings the other had been too scared to speak of.
Reluctantly, your lungs scream for reprieve so you pull apart, a thread of saliva connecting you as you pant heavily, breaths fanning each other's face.
Sanjiâs blown out eyes are stuck on your lips and you realize that air be damned, nothing would nourish you more than the way he kisses every emotion heâs ever held for you against your lips, grabbing at you like youâre the very thing thatâs keeping him tethered to this world.
Another collision and youâre back to it â more desperate than before. The few moments you went without him felt like eons and you had to make up for lost time. A reunion that proceeds past this lifetime, one that was premeditated as the connection only strengthens with each glide of your lips.
His tongue swirls around your own, hungered grunts breaking out from deep within his chest as he grows addicted to the way you taste. Hands grasping and pulling along your body as if he needed more, needing to fully melt into you.
And youâre more than ready to let him.
Leading him to the couch, he lands with a soft thud before you begin to straddle him. The anticipation drums in his ears, blood pumping at an abnormal rate as it figures out where to flow. So much has already pooled all the way to the tip of his cock, painfully pressing against the confines of his trousers. The rest threatens to gush from his nose at an alarming velocity and itâs taking everything in him to hold it back.
All of Sanji's muscles grow taut in an attempt to reign himself in, locked in place as he waits for you to make your move to do something that would hopefully help relieve him of this agonizing pressure. He was simply pretty putty that laid in your tender yet tantalizing hands, leaving you to pick him apart and shape him into whatever you wished for as long as you just kept playing with him.
âHow pretty.â You coo as you get rid of his suit trousers, freeing his needy cock by sliding the fabric down his thighs a little. Through a practiced motion, you spit into your hand, wrapping it around his length to spread some more slick.
Sanji gasped, jaw hanging open once your fist closed around his leaking tip, giving it a gentle squeeze.
His face said it all â he was looking up at you with such awe and desire. The kind that made him think you strung up all the stars and moon just so the beams would cascade along your skin so beautifully â just as it is now.
Pockets of light illuminate you so he can see everything youâre doing through an ethereal filter that the heavens themselves mustâve constructed.
âYouâre beautiful.â He whispered, jerking into your divine hand. The honey coated compliment was so sincere, genuine, uttered in a complete state of reverence. It melted your heart to see him still wanting to give so much even though your intention was to focus on him.
Sanji deserves to be worshiped. Itâs something youâve thought to yourself for quite some time. sure, he could be a bit much sometimes, going over the top with compliments and relentlessly chasing after women.
But after spending so much time at sea with him, youâve started to peel back the layers behind the woman chasing persona he loves to wear so much. To the man who had unshakeable morals, who protected those who needed protecting, to feed every hungry person â friend or foe.Â
Sanji has so much to give, so generous with all the love he holds in his body. The love he so desperately wants to receive back but hides it behind cheesy pick up lines that can be dismissed with a laugh.Â
But enough was enough. It was Sanji's turn to be adored, to be told all the beautiful things about himself while you stroke his cock and coo at him until he spills all over your hand.
Which is exactly where you had him now.
âYouâre so sweet, Sanji.â You pepper a kiss along his jaw and to his scruffy chin, wrist leisurely flicking as you hold his cock in your hands. It was pretty, which was fitting. Long with a tip so red you thought he might burst. Luckily, most of the blood stayed pumping between his thighs rather than from his nose. For now, at least.
âYouâre the aah-â His blonde locks toss as his head hangs back, heavenly bliss whirling around him as he curls his toes â trying not to cum so quickly. He was so sensitive but he wanted more, greedy for everything you were more than ready to give him. âSweet one.â
âNo, no, Sanji.â You lightly nibble on his ear and his hips stutter up with a loud groan. âYouâre going to listen to me, okay? If you want me to keep going, you just have to sit there and be good for me. No complimenting me, no trying to please me, weâre focused on you right now, okay?â
Sanji didnât know what to say. Primal instinct told him to sit there and be quiet but how could he when you were an angel sent down from heaven, just for him? The pleasure you were feeding a starving soul like him was too good to pass up.
âOkay.â He manages to choke out as his release pools deep into his gut, threatening to spill out everywhere. All he needed was that extra push.
âGood boy.â The phrase falls out of your mouth like a purr and he immediately cums into your hand with a whine, biting his lip trying to stay quiet. You donât stop your movements as you press your lips against his, swallowing his whimpers as you start to overstimulate him.
But youâre merciful, and you donât want to punish him. The only thing on your mind is making him feel loved, feel wanted, feel adored.Â
âLet me ââ Sanji starts to move, adjusting himself to tuck his half-hard cock away.
âAh, ah, ah.â The smirk that takes up your face was killer as you brought your messy hand toward your mouth. You make a small show of playing with it, feeling how sticky it was, how it ran down your finger before plopping it into your mouth. âDonât want to waste any of it, right?â
Sanji couldnât even speak, the words stolen right from the tip of his tongue as yours danced between your fingers, removing every trace of him. You move down to kneel in front of him, the gasp he lets out sending a shiver down your spine. Anticipation bubbling up inside of you as lust pools in your gut, starting to burn with need.
Holding his half-hard cock in the palm of your hand, you swirl your tongue around, cleaning up the residual mess he made with a few precise movements. You lick along the length, feeling him hardening under your ministrations.
It only encourages you to engulf him in your mouth, showing him how far you could take him down your throat. Sanji groaned in response, fingers digging into your hair as his thighs tensed.
Once youâre finished, you remove your own panties from under your skirt and climb into his lap to straddle him once again.Â
âSanji, you really are just so sweet.â You repeat your words from earlier, gliding your now bare, drooling cunt against his stiff cock, âMakes me want to eat you up.â You pause, sucking a mark along his neck before whispering in his ear. ââŠdevour you.â
Sanji was truly at a loss for words. Always the one so readily equipped with a line to show his undying admiration was now struggling to string together a coherent thought as your slick started to cover him.
âLike look at these wondrous hands.â To make a point, you hold them up as you continue to grind against him. âAlways providing for us, making the world's most delicious food and spoiling us to your heart's content.â
Tugging his hands, you make sure they cover your chest so he can get a proper squeeze in that causes his nose to drip yet again, his cock undoubtable leaking with more pre-cum.
âI'd do anything for you.â He whispers, thumbs gently brushing over your nipple. Sanji was eerily quiet for a moment as he caressed the plush of your flesh, transfixed on the sight before him.Â
âAnything?â The question hangs in the air as you brush his bangs to the side. His slightly sweaty forehead helped keep some of the pieces tucked from his eyes, both of his eyebrows now on full display â just like you wanted.
âAnything.â He breathes the word out like a prayer, a promise that heâd never deny you of what youâd ask of him.Â
âAre you ready for me?â Your thumb trails along his parted lower lip, his darkened eyes hazy with an overwhelming lust but entirely set on you.
âPlease.â He moans as you line up your soppy entrance with his cock, slick with your saliva and twitching with need.Â
âAnything for you, monsieur.â Slowly, you lower yourself on his cock, letting him feel every inch of himself bury into you at an agonizing rate. Your wet, welcoming walls greedily sucked him in, wrapping snuggly around him so tightly that his head grows blank.Â
Sanji's moans fill the room, his hands gravitating toward your waist as if it was pulled by another force, thumbing circles against your skin. It's taking everything in him not to bury his fingers into you and slam you down onto his cock, letting the most primal part of him mount you and take you in a way that directly challenges his morals.
The pace catches him off guard, fingers quickly moving to dig into the scratchy fabric of the couch. It wasnât enough to steady him, the precipice of his release hastily rising at a rate he could barely keep up with.
The way your warm walls constrict around him, enveloping him in a way that makes him think you never want to let go. He barely has enough strength to pound up into you, opting instead to capture your nipple in his mouth, latching on while his hand caresses your other breast.
Sanji has always had a silver tongue, able to sing the sweetest praise and compliments toward any woman within a 20 foot radius. But you never thought about how well his mouth would be used in other ways. His soft tongue caresses your pert nipple, hardened by the contact and the slightly chilly air in the kitchen.
Lithe fingers gently pinch your other one, before trailing down along your sides and slipping between your thighs to roll your neglected nub between his digits. The sudden pressure gives your body an electric jolt, lurching forward and pressing your chest into Sanji's face more.Â
Each roll of your hips earned another tender groan from the man below you, lost in a haze as you continuously fed him the sin that he had been craving for as long as he can remember. He pulls back from between the valley of your breasts, looking up at you with hearts flitting around in his eyes, his cock twitching in tune with its beat.
âWant you to come for me, mon-cheri.â He releases his mouth from your breast, looking up at you, limbs still twisted around you as he drives into you harder.
âYeah? Want me to come all over your pretty cock?â You mewl, pressing your body flush against his as your own thighs start to tremble.
âYes, please! I need it, need to come with you.â Sanjiâs voice almost cracks under the intensity, gripping onto your shaky thighs as he begins to meet you thrusts, fucking himself harder into you. Your body jiggled under the intensity, spiraling you to your high and threatening to unravel you to your very core if you let go.Â
So you did â letting the blinding white wash over your vision, course and tremble through your body as he fills you up with ropes of cum. Sanji all but whined, biting his lip in pure ecstasy as he teeters over the edge of oblivion.
The two of you try to catch your breath, a pair of lovers leaning against each other more out of necessity than comfort â but it was welcomed nonetheless. Sanji drew little circles along your back, the glide of his fingers soothing you back down from your high.Â
He gives you a quick kiss on the forehead, moving you so youâre sitting on the couch, your head lolling to the back of it as you stare up at the ceiling.
Sanji shakily rises to his feet, swiftly moving toward the kitchen to get a fresh cloth to clean up the mess between your legs. But his keen eye spies something else that might serve more of a purpose right now.
âMay I ?â Sanji asks, kneeling down from where you are sitting on the couch, gently wedding himself between your knees. Taking the whip cream he had swiped on his finger, he drags it along your inner thigh and throbs at the way you gasp in surprise. âAfter all, I still havenât gotten my own taste yet.â
âBut I told you ââ
âOh sweetheart, I know what you told me,.â Sanji pries your legs open a little more, licking his lips as he takes in the way his cum is oozing out of your pulsing cunt. âWould you really deprive me of this?â
The sheer eagerness fills his eyes like wide saucers. The over enthusiastic man before you was more than ready to please you now, holding back this entire time as you had your way with him. He had been so patient that maybe he did deserve a reward.
âNo.â Your voice is a little quieter yet filled with unbridled curiosity. The ghost of his tongue gliding over your nipples earlier resurfaces and you shudder in delight.
âGood, so good for me.â Sanji praises, licking up the stripe of frosting that laid defensively on your inner thigh, dragging it all the way to your cunt. The soft breathes from Sanji tickled at the sensitive flesh and had you trying to squirm away. But he had quick reflexes, gently digging in fingers into your hips and pulling them closer to his face. âWouldnât want to waste a drop.â
Sanji lapped at the cum dripping out from your entrance, ensuring to clean up all of the mess he left behind. The taste of your shared essence hit his taste buds and he swears heâs never tasted anything better. Groaning into your cunt, he clutches onto your plushy thighs and begins to eat you out like a starved man.
The vibrations from his guttural grunts directly attack your clit. The hot flash of pleasure coursed through your veins, spreading along to every nerve that was attached to your body, singing out in ecstasy as your thighs began to tremble and lock around his head.
For added leverage, you weave your fingers through the soft, pretty strands of his blonde hair, tugging on them like reins that will steer you right to the climax you were steadily building towards.
ââm close.â You gasp, not giving him a chance to move his head as heâs locked in. But you donât hear one noise of complaint â instead, it was just another groan of approval that ripped through your body and pushed you towards the edge.Â
Stars burst behind your eyes, your mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Sanji worked you through your orgasm, squeezing out all the pleasure before overstimulation started to bite at you. Using his hair, you pull him apart from your sensitive cunt. The blissed out smile on his face no doubt mirrored your own.Â
âmagnifique.â Sanji breathed out, watching as your chest heaves under the fight to catch your breath, your lungs desperately gulping down air as it took everything in you to float back down from your high. He leaves a wake of gentle kisses along your inner thigh paired with the soft praises he coos at you. âThe heavens orchestrated this moment for us, my own little angel coming down to save me.â
Sanji places one last kiss on your knee, tempted to go all the way down your leg and worship every inch of your skin. He rises back up, grabbing the cloth he had originally set out for and returns back before humming a tune that you hadnât heard before.
âWhatâs that song?â you ask softly, body twitching in anticipation as Sanji runs the cool cloth between your legs and being very careful not to overstimulate you. Too much. His eyes flash up towards yours once you speak, his attention always set on you no matter what task heâs working on. This was no exception.
âThere used to be a beautiful singer that would visit the Baratie when I was younger. Sheâd come in every few weeks and sing for everyone there.â He goes on to tell the story while still cleaning you up, kissing every freckle and mole he can spot as the cloth tenderly glides along your skin. âShe sang many songs but this one was my favorite. It was a love song that told the story of a couple who longed to find adventure together, going as far as transcending time and space to meet each other in every life.â
âThat's lovely.â You give a small smile as he finishes. Sanji reaches for your panties, sliding them back up your legs before itâs back where it belongs. His palms caress down your thighs as he rises back up, pressing a warm kiss against your forehead that made your head all fuzzy. âI've never heard you sing before.â
âThen you should come into the kitchen more often while Iâm cooking, Mon-Cheri. I'm always humming a tune.â His thumb trails along your bottom lip â mesmerized at how swollen and kiss-bitten it was. You push forward, giving it the slightest amount of pressure as you return the favor.Â
âMaybe I will.â Sanji gives you a little wink, stepping back for a moment as he fishes through his pockets to find what heâs looking for.
âIt would be my greatest honor to have the most beautiful person in all of the seas accompany me during my tedious tasks.â Sanji flashes his most charming smile before he places a cigarette in his mouth and sets it aflame with his trusty gold lighter. âNow, letâs have you finish your sweet treat so I can indulge in mine again after.â
tags : @ambiguouslady42 ᥣđ©
#â đ Kinktober !#âË. âïž â daydreams.#sanji x reader#sanji smut#one piece smut#one piece x reader#op smut#op x reader
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Missed Hints
King Thorin Oakenshield x Female Reader
Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): fluff, light angst, humor, pregnancy, suggestive themes, fade to black, established relationship
Word Count: 1.8k
With the pregnancy confirmed, you decide to drop little hints until Thorin makes the connections.
A/N: for @protosslady
ao3 // taglist // main masterlist
âYouâre pregnant, your majesty.â
Those two little words are enough to make time freeze. You are cold, a bit hesitant, and completely unbelieving of what youâre hearing.
âAre you sure?â you ask slowly, needing to know if youâve heard her correctly.
The midwife, Lena, smiles broadly. âAs sure as the sun rises in the morning. Iâve been doing this for close to thirty summers now. Rarely am I ever wrong.â
Lenaâs assistant, Petal, matches Lenaâs smile with one of her own. It is radiant and sunny, a stark difference from your sudden anxiousness. âThis is wonderful news,â she exclaims. âKing Thorin will be so pleased.â
âIndeed,â agrees Lena. âAnd so will the people when itâs formally announced.â
Both women sigh at the same time, but you are not nearly as excited as they are.
You and Thorin did try for a child many times in the beginning of your marriage. It was enthusiasticâand constantâbut nothing ever came of it. While it bothered you, Thorin never seemed to care. He told you that all he wanted was you and that anything else was a bonus.
That is still true. Thorin loves you.
But Thorin is being pulled in a different direction. Erebor needs attention, and Thorin throws himself into service attempting to tackle every obstacle and difficulty on his own. Most nights, he comes to bed lateâusually when youâre already asleep. When you wake, he is usually gone, off to take care of his abundant duties. They are piling up, becoming a burden. Thorin does too much, and while you admire him for his dedication, you miss him.
To know that youâre pregnant is a surprise. Itâs not that you and Thorin havenât been intimate, itâs just that it hasnât been nearly as frequent as in the past. While Thorin is gone, you have your own duties and responsibilities. When the two of you do have quiet time together, intimacy is brief but passionate and almost always followed by the two of you falling asleep in each otherâs arms.
âHow far along?â you ask, trying to place exactly when it might have taken.
When your cycle never came, you didnât think much of it. That happens sometimes. But then didnât occur during the next expected timeframe. With its absence came irritability and random bouts of sudden crying you couldnât explain. Certain foods smelt odd, and while you werenât emptying the contents of your stomach, constant nausea made it difficult to complete daily tasks. You knew then that something was different. And now the midwife has confirmed it.
But even with an answer, youâre not sure how you feel.
âIâd place you at about ten weeks. Perhaps eleven,â answers Lena with a slight shrug of her shoulders.
âThat far?â you squeak, wincing immediately with how upset you sound.
Lena and Petalâs smiles start to diminish. Their enthusiasm melts away, replaced with furrowed brows and soft lines of concern.
âIs everything all right? You look a bit faint?â Lena places her hand on your shoulder.
âYes,â you reply, though it sounds like youâre gasping for air. âSurprised is all.â
Their smiles return but itâs subdued.
This is supposed to be a happy occasion. A child means an heir, and it also gives the people hope for the future. Much of Erebor is still in pieces from Smaugâs habitation. That doesnât even begin to include all the damage and death from the battle. Dale, which was once abandoned and forgotten, is starting to see life again as well. The races of Men are returning to it, hoping to rekindle its long-extinguished flame.
A royal child is a symbol of hope. Itâs a moment of celebration for everyone.
âI think a bit of rest for the remainder of the day will do you some good,â says Lena softly. âWe will prepare some ointments that you can use to relieve any aches or pains. Bloating is likely, and as the body makes room for the little one, youâll have some discomfort.â Lena taps her bottom lip and then turns to Petal. âWeâll need to prepare some liquid supplements to take with meals.â
âOf course,â nods Petal. She begins packing up their supplies.
Lena squeezes your shoulder before letting go. âIâll come check on you in a few days. Bring a few things with me. Weâll talk more then, preferably with the father present.â
âYes,â you reply, absently rubbing your belly. âThat would be best.â
The two women bow and depart quickly, leaving you alone in the royal bedchambers. The room is quiet and your breathing sounds too loud in such a large space. With hands clasped, you twist them over and over again in agitation, needing to move but unsure of how to quell the anxiousness. Itâs stubborn like the deep roots of a tree that refuse to give up the dirt.
How are you to tell Thorin? How do you approach this when you rarely see him. Itâs just one more thing to burden him with. Perhaps, if you dropped a few hints? Covertly toss the pregnancy in his direction and see if he picks it up?
You know deep in your gut that you shouldnât worry over this. Thorin will be happy. He will be.
You spend the rest of the day as Lena instructs. Reclining, resting, and reading. Thorin is supposed to return tonight for evening meal. Whenever he promises an early arrival, Thorin means it. Rarely does he make promises he cannot keep.
As dinner is brought in, and the table is set, Thorin walks through the door. There is a bit of soot on his cheek like heâs been in the mines, and his cheeks are slightly flushed. When he notices you, he beams, and there is so much love there that you simply want to melt into a puddle on the floor.
âMy love,â he says, moving toward you swiftly. The embrace nearly sweeps you off your feet. He plants a kiss on your forehead and draws back.
âYouâre filthy,â you laugh, looking him over. Thorin has been in the mines.
Thorin shrugs sheepishly. âI had to help dig. Structural issues.â
âWash your hands at least,â you playfully tease.
âNot interested in eating a bit of dirt?â he asks with a laugh.
âGo,â you giggle, pushing away from him.
Thorin disappears and you take a seat at the table. He reappears a few minutes later, face and hands clean. The clothes he wore before are also gone, replaced with simple, fresh attire. He takes a seat next to you, gaze darting over the spread.
âIâm starving,â you begin because itâs true even though youâve been consistently snacking all day. âItâs like Iâm eating for two.â
First hint dropped.
Thorin laughs, and the sound is sweet like honey cake. âI promise, love. You couldnât eat for me. My appetite is insatiable.â When Thorin says insatiable, he pointedly glances at you with a heated stare.
You perfectly understand his meaning.
You attempt a different angle. âIâve also been having the oddest cravings,â you say, starting to load your plate.
âWhat do you mean?â asks Thorin before he pops a chunk of bread into his mouth.
âDifferent foods. Things Iâd never eat together otherwise.â It is common knowledge that pregnant women will often crave highly specific foods and food combinations.
But Thorin doesnât appear to pick up on the hint. He frowns, then shrugs, continuing to eat without making a comment.
Sighing, you pick up one the freshly made rolls. âI think these buns need a bit more time in the oven.â You stare hard at Thorin, mentally sending message after message. âWhat do you think?â
Thorin glances up at you then down at his own plate that has five of them. âI think theyâre perfect but if youâd like them more done, Iâll let the kitchen know in the morning.â
âThorin,â you say flatly.
âYes, my love?â His head slightly tilts, and his gaze becomes pointed. Heâs starting to pick up on your agitation. You donât mean to be cross, but you were hoping that heâd figure it out so you wouldnât have to tell him outright.
Setting the roll down on your plate, you promptly divert the conversation to a different hint. âWeâve never talked about where weâd put the nursery.â
Thorinâs brow rises toward his hairline. âI didnât think you wanted to discuss that until we crossed that hurdle?â
Does he hear himself? Does he understand the context of whatâs coming out of his mouth?
âYouâre right, Thorin. I didnât want to discuss it until we needed to.â You repeat his words back to him, slightly leaning toward him as you speak to emphasize the point.
Still, it brushes right over his head.
âSome of the advisory council members have brought up financial concerns. Rebuilding Erebor is important but the needs of the people are pressing. Food. Proper housing.â Thorin begins slicing into the chunk of roast on his plate.
Maybe you are going to have to say it outright.
Licking your lips, you ignore Thorinâs change in conversation. âI did receive a few inquiries about baby clothes. Offers to knit a few items,â you shrug.
âThatâs kind of them,â says Thorin slowly. âBut whyââ he pauses, âyouâre notâ"
Thorinâs features suddenly shift, becoming almost unreadable. His jovial expression is gone, replaced with a stern consideration.
Are you going to have to shout it at the top of your lungs?
Thorinâs lips part. Promptly shuts. Opens again. âAre youâŠâ he begins but does not finish.
You start to nod, urging him on.
Finally, like light igniting in the dark, Thorinâs face transforms into one of shock, then pure joy.
âTruly?â
âFound out just this morning.â
Thorin abruptly stands, pushing himself and his chair away from the table. He is moving toward you, grasping your hands, bringing them to his mouth to kiss your fingers.
âWhy not say anything?â he asks.
âI did,â you laugh. âMany times.â
Thorin momentarily frowns before his mouth turns up into a soft smile. âClever.â
âYouâve been busy and I was unsure of how to tell you.â
Thorinâs thumbs rub little circles over your knuckles. âYou can always tell me anything. Whatever is happening. Whatever is on your mind. I wish to hear it.â He kisses the tops of your hands. âEspecially something like this.â
âAre you happy?â you ask, voice cracking at the end.
âHappiest Iâve ever been.â
Thorin pulls you up from your chair, his large, muscled arm sliding behind your waist. He drags you to him, his eyelids lowering seductively, all gentleness leaving him to be replaced with desire.
âAre you up for a bit of celebrating?â he asks.
âWhat kind of celebrating?â
âThe kind that landed us here.â
âThorin,â you gasp, lightly slapping his chest. He snatches your wrist, kisses the pulse point there.
âThe food can wait,â and his voice ends on a soft growl.
âThorin,â you repeat, this time with a rasp to your tone.
He seizes it, draws you even closer. âThe food can wait?â
You nod. âIt can wait.â
taglist:
@foxxy-126 @glassgulls @km-ffluv @sweetbutpsychobutsweet @singleteapot @glitterypirateduck @tiredmetalenthusiast @protosslady @childofyuggoth @coffeecaketornado @cherryofdeath @mrsdurin @therealbloom @ninman82 @thewulf @ferns-fics @beebeechaos
#thorin oakenshield fanfic#thorin oakenshield fluff#thorin oakenshield fanfiction#thorin oakenshield fic#thorin oakenshield imagine#thorin oakenshield x f!reader#thorin oakenshield x female reader#thorin oakenshield x fem!reader#thorin oakenshield x you#thorin oakenshield x reader#thorin fanfiction#thorin fic#thorin fanfic#thorin fluff#thorin oakenshield#thorin x reader#thorin x you#the hobbit thorin#thorin x f!reader#thorin x fem!reader#thorin x female reader#erebor#king thorin#the hobbit imagine#the hobbit fanfic#the hobbit fanfiction#the hobbit fic#the hobbit fluff
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Girl Crush
hello hello hello! i am so sorry for the long break - but i'm so happy to be back! i hope you all are doing well. i have quite a few requests sitting in my drafts, so once i get through those, i am happy to reopen my inbox for requests, if you guys want. anyway, these 3 requests were quite similar to each other, so it just made sense to combine them into one fic. hope you enjoy!
Request: Hi! Can i request a reader x Regina George where the reader is super oblivious to Regina flirting and thinks she's just being really friendly and it's obvious to everyone but the reader how in love Regina is with her.
Request: can you do a regina george x reader fic where R is literally the only person in the school who isnât afraid of regina in the slightest and just treats her like a normal person (bonus points if the reader is just an oblivious ball of sunshine)
Request: hiii :) i was wondering if you could maybe write a regina x reader fanfic where the reader is friends with karen since they share a class together. regina ends up developing a crush and u can finish the rest lol (maybe incorporate karen inviting the reader to sit with the plastics at lunch as sheâs walking by without consulting with regina first?)
Pairing: Regina George x Reader
Warnings: None
~
Math class dragged on, the teacher talking animatedly about something you couldn't bother paying attention to. Your class bestie, Karen, was seated beside you, taking notes diligently for a reason you couldn't fathom. It was quite endearing how she actually cared about her grades and education, despite the fact that she was a Plastic. Not that you thought of her, or any of the Plastics differently. After all, they were just normal people.
Pretty, rich, popular, normal people.
The bell rang after what felt like forever, signaling the end of class. You began packing up your things, when you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder. You glanced over, to see Karen grinning at you brightly. "Hey, Y/N. You want to sit with me at lunch today?"
You blinked, momentarily stunned at her question. "You mean, like, at your table?"
Karen laughed loudly, her straight, pearly white teeth on display. "Yes, Y/N. Come on, it'll be fun! Please?" The brunette pouts, batting her long eyelashes at you pleadingly. She was so sweet, you would feel bad saying no. Plus, it wasn't like you really had anywhere else to be.
You groan, reluctantly agreeing, to which Karen squeals excitedly. "Yay, yay, yay!" She grabs your arm and loops it with hers as you toss your backpack over your shoulder, dragging you out into the hallway and into the massive rush of students. Karen expertly weaves you both through the crowd until the cafeteria is in sight.
As Karen tugs you toward the Plastics' table, your eyes land on Regina George, staring down at her phone - long, blonde hair fell across her strong, exposed shoulders, clad in a tight-fitting tank top and high-waisted jeans. Her nails were perfectly manicured, pretty golden rings adorning her fingers with a necklace to match.
God, how did she always look so pretty?
"Hi, Regina!" Karen plops herself down next to the blonde, as you slink into the bench across from her. Regina finally tears her eyes away from her phone and instantly land on you.
"Um. What are you doing?" She raises an eyebrow at you accusingly. You knew she didn't mean to be rude, just surprised that you were here, since usually you would skip lunch in the cafeteria and opt for the library instead, to complete homework assignments while you ate. It was quieter and less crowded, too. Not to mention the librarian loved you.
Sometimes Regina would even surprise you in the library, asking you to help her with her homework or claiming that she was bored and wanted someone to talk to.
You smile at her, placing your backpack down at your feet. "Hey, Regina. Karen invited me to sit here today."
Regina clenches her jaw, her eyes icy as she turns over to the brunette, who grins at Regina innocently. They exchanged glances, expressions filled with something that you couldn't quite decipher. You sat there in awkward silence as they glared at each other, Karen smiling teasingly at the blonde. "If you don't want me to sit here I can go-"
"No!" Regina speaks hurriedly, grabbing your hand as it reached for your backpack. You raised your brows at the unexpected contact, staring down at her hand wrapped around your wrist. She quickly released it, a light pink hue dusting her cheeks. "I mean, it's fine, you don't have to leave. Karen just didn't mention it to me, that's all."
You steal a glance at Karen, who simply smiled at you, as if she knew something you didn't. She began to talk to the pair of you excitedly about something - you couldn't really pay attention because you felt Regina's eyes burning holes in the side of your head. You could practically feel her eyes drag down your frame, taking in every little minute detail of your face. After a few minutes, Gretchen arrived at the table, pressing a kiss to Karen's cheek as she did so.
She greeted you kindly, already knowing you from the classes you shared together and how much Karen talked about you. The couple exchanged a knowing glance, before excusing themselves to the lunch line. Which left you alone at the table. With Regina.
"So, Regina," You turn to look at her, meeting her pretty hazel eyes that were already looking at you. She smiled at you teasingly, tilting her head as she awaited your question. "How's your day going?"
Regina rolled her eyes, leaning her chin on her hand as she leaned closer to you. "That's the best you got? Come on, I know a pretty girl like you can spark a more interesting conversation with me."
You laughed lightly at her joke, thinking nothing of the little compliment thrown in. "Well, we saw each other a few periods ago. And, I do actually want to know how your day is going."
The blonde huffed but caved, beginning to talk about her first half of the day, which consisted of complaining to her teachers, pretending to pay attention in class, and judging the fashion choices of her classmates. All normal Regina George behavior for a Tuesday.
You listened to her intently, watching the way she gestured with her hands and tossed her hair over her shoulder every so often. You were so attentive that you hadn't noticed Karen and Gretchen returning to the table, staring at the two of you with satisfied smirks.
"How about you, nerd? How has your morning been? Don't tell me Karen was bothering you again in class." Regina nudges your foot under the table, poking her tongue out at the brunette whose jaw was dropped incredulously.
"I do not bother her! She is my math class bestie, isn't that right, Y/N?"
You laugh along with the group, reassuring Karen that she was your class bestie, too. Regina excused herself from the table; you eyes follow her as she walks toward the lunch line, her hips swaying in those tight jeans. She glances over her shoulder, catching you staring, throwing you a wink and a smile. You felt your skin flush a little, clearing your throat and turning back to the other two girls.
They were already looking at you and smirking, again.
"What is up with you two today?"
"Who, us?" Gretchen places a hand over her heart dramatically. "What so ever do you mean, Y/N?"
You roll your eyes at the redhead, a playful smile dancing on your lips. "You know exactly what I mean. You two, with your little smirks and smiles. What are you two doing?"
Karen shrugs innocently. "Oh, nothing. Just observing, that's all."
You raise a brow at her. "Observing what?"
"Regina-"
Karen is interrupted by the blonde returning to the table, silently sliding a full tray of food across to you, as she sits down with her own. You look up at her in shock, your mouth slightly hanging open.
Regina looks around at the three of you as she takes a bite of her food. "What?"
The couple raise their hands in mock surrender, as you look at Regina with soft eyes. "Thanks, Regina. You didn't have to do this." The blonde shrugs, gesturing with her chin for you to eat.
"No biggie."
It was a biggie, a huge one, actually. Karen and Gretchen had never seen Regina be as nice to anyone like she was toward you. She would bring you your favorite coffee order in the mornings on her way to school, since you two shared first period, then walk you to your second. She kept a bag of your favorite snack in her locker in case you texted her, complaining about being hungry. Not to mention, she had a photo of your class schedule on her phone in case of emergencies. All unbeknownst to you, of course. To put it simply, the blonde had a massive crush on you. Meanwhile, you just thought she was being nice.
Karen and Gretchen both knew, though, of course, having heard Regina complain for months about how much she liked you, how you were her first ever girl crush, and she felt like she was going insane. You were way too oblivious to realize that she had literally been flirting with you, every time she saw you. She'd throw in compliments, brush against you, tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, sometimes even hold your hand as to "not lose you in the crowd". She really just wanted to find an excuse to touch you.
Regina felt like she was losing her mind waiting for you to notice. At this point, she would have to sit you down, look you square in the eyes and straight up tell you that she likes you. She was worried that even then, you'd think she was just being nice.
You, on the other hand, have had a crush on Regina since last year. The first time Karen introduced you to her, you were a goner. You decided to bury it though - you knew she could never reciprocate feelings for someone like you: reserved, quiet, shy. She was the total opposite, and you assumed she would want someone who was more like her.
Sure, she was extremely nice to you and sort of mean to everyone else, but that's just because you two were somewhat friends.
"Y/N? Hello?" You were snapped out of your thoughts by long fingers waggling in your face, Regina looking at you with furrowed brows. "You okay?"
You swallowed the lump in your throat, nodding and shooting her a weak smile. "Yeah, sorry, I'm fine. Was just thinking about something." You finished eating your lunch as the three girls chatted amongst themselves, Regina stealing glances at you occasionally. You smiled at her, more reassuringly this time, which eases her posture a little bit.
The bell rings much too soon this time, disappointed groans echoing throughout the room as students begin to file out and toward their next class. The four of you do the same, Regina taking your tray and returning it to the trash area before you could protest. Karen and Gretchen wiggle their eyebrows at you before hugging you goodbye, waving at Regina as she returned to the table with you.
"Let's go, I'll walk you to class." Regina took your hand in hers, lacing your fingers together and tugging you along. You just managed to grab your backpack as you stumbled behind her, shuffling to catch up with her long strides. As soon as she turned into the hallway, students parted like the red sea, making a clear path for the two of you to walk. You couldn't help but flush at the feeling of everyone's eyes on you, staring you down as you inched every so closer to Regina.
"Aren't you going to be late? It's fine, Gina, I can-"
The blonde stopped dead in her tracks. "What did you call me?"
You felt yourself pale, silently cursing yourself for the mistake. You hadn't meant to call her that out loud - you knew how angry she got when people called her outside of her name. You cringed, waiting for her to lash out at you, but it never came.
You stole a quick glance at the blonde, who was already looking at you with soft eyes. "I'm not mad, nerd. Just surprised. You've never called me that before."
You stammered, trying to find words. "Sorry, yeah, I just...I think it's a cute nickname for you."
The blonde smirked at your nervousness, once again tugging you along with her to your class. "It is a cute nickname. Just like you."
You feel yourself smile at the compliment - Regina was just so sweet to you. "Thanks, Gina."
The hallways were mostly clear now, aside from a few students scurrying to their classes at the last minute. Regina stopped walking again, turning to look at you with her brows scrunched together. "Does your brain work?"
You looked at her, dumbfounded. "I...what?"
She simply stared at you, crossing her arms over her chest. "Your brain. Does it work? Is it on?"
You were genuinely speechless, failing to find any words to respond. Regina rolled her eyes, tugging you into the empty locker room. She sat you down on the bench before sitting herself beside you, leaning toward you. "Seriously, Y/N, do you have a concussion or something?"
You laughed incredulously. "Regina, what are you talking about?"
The blonde groaned, exasperated. "I have been flirting with you for months, Y/N. Months! Yet, you walk around, la-di-da, as if I'm just being friendly. When have you ever seen me be nice to anyone?"
Your mouth drops open at her words, opening and closing like a fish out of water. "You...what?"
"Oh my god, Y/N, I like you, okay! I have a big, fat, lesbian crush on you. I have for months."
"No you don't."
Regina sputters out a laugh. "Y/N, you're joking, right? I literally just told you that I do."
You frown, looking down at your hands. "I...no. You can't like someone like me." Your voice grows small, nails beginning to pick at the hangnails.
"Hey," Regina scooted closer to you, cupping your face in her warm hand. She brushed her thumb over your cheek, bright eyes gazing into yours with conviction. "Don't talk down about yourself. Yeah, you might be a nerd, but that's part of the reason why I like you, Y/N. I like that we are opposites in a lot of ways. If I was with some bitch like me, I'd go nuts."
You laugh lightly at her words, leaning your weight into her touch. "Stop, you're not a bitch. And I like you too, Gina. I have for a long time, actually. I'm surprised Karen hasn't told you."
Regina laughs, using her other hand to grab your hip and tug you closer to her. "That girl can keep one hell of a secret. I think her little lunch invitation today was her way of telling me to go for it." Her hand tightens on your hip just barely, her eyes flicking across your face. "Would you slap me right now if I kissed you?"
You roll your eyes, resting your hands on her bare shoulders. "No, Gina. You can kiss me."
The blonde smiles and does just that. Her nose brushes against yours, warm breath fanning across your lips as she meets them with her own, softly, sweetly.
After a beat, you both pull away, resting your foreheads together and sharing a smile. "Can I take you out this weekend?"
You nod, brushing a strand of her soft blonde hair behind her ear. "Duh."
~
i hope you enjoyed this one! my goal is to continue posting regularly, so please keep an eye out for more fics coming soon :)
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Telling Hugh Dancy about trans masc Will and more...
As some of you already know by now, I went to Boston Fanexpo this past weekend for another stop on the unofficial Hannibal 2024 Reunion Tour.
I had planned to do autographs on the Friday before the Hannibal panel and had brought some gifts for Hugh which included a copy of Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal, which I compiled and edited last year. I also got him to sign my own copy (above).
It all moved quite quickly, but I did have the chance to explain that it's a volume by and about trans, non-binary, and genderqueer Fannibals that includes art, fics, essays, and personal pieces. He seemed intrigued and I said I hope he'd have the chance to read it and that the art isn't explicit/sexual but some of the fics are - he laughed and said he appreciated the warning.
It was all quite the whirlwind, especially after coming all the way from the UK, so I was absolutely mortified when I remembered the next morning that I had talked with a few trans Fannibals who had specifically asked me to let him know that he/Will is a trans icon. So I went back up to see him again on the Saturday morning when it wasn't too busy (and get more stuff signed) and this is what happened:
[I wrote notes down right after so this is as close an account I can get without having filmed it!].
Me: I saw you yesterday Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: I gave you a book Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: well, I forgot to tell you. A few trans Fannibals reached out to me to tell you that Will is a trans icon to them and we all love you for it. Hugh was surprised (in a nice way) and I was pretty much going to walk away then - job done and feeling like time for me to stop bothering Hugh lol. But before I could walk away he sort of held out his hand to stop me and said something along the lines of - I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, don't take it the wrong way... I'm genuinely curious- I get that it can be about identity- but what is the connection to Will and being trans? Luckily - my essay in the book is exactly about how Will can be read as trans, so I sort of gave him a summary of that. I explained that (obviously) both Will and Hannibal can be read as queer, and that - especially as both characters have dominant masculine and feminine traits, it's also easy to read them both as trans or in some way genderqueer. He was nodding and agreeing, so I further explained that with Hannibal, he is fully formed - he's already whatever he is - which Hugh also agreed with. But that Will is still becoming, still transitioning and therefore can be more relatable to trans fans who see that journey in themselves. So although it's not necessarily the same journey - there is enough to it that it resonates with trans people. I said that in the show there is also the added bonus of Will being seen and accepted for who he is, just as trans people wish to be. He was nodding along and agreeing with me and then he thanked me for explaining that. It was pretty quiet previously but I'd been there a few minutes so the queue was building up a little but he was so focused on me - so genuinely intent on hearing what I had to say and learning more. SO I CARRIED ON. (lols) I explained to him that it goes further than the show, that we have found a community in the fandom and that many trans people have a catalyst in their life that sparks their journey - like Will had in his friendship with Hannibal. For us it might be a person, an event, or even a TV show. I explained how the fandom are so supportive of trans people - that we are SEEN. That I for one wouldn't have been able to afford top surgery without the kind donations of Fannibals back when I was not in a good place (mentally or financially). That we all help each other and for some of us that has been life-saving. He did the hand on heart thing and said "wow" and was clearly moved. I said to him that so much of this is in the book, that I completely understand if he doesn't want to read the fanfic, but I really hope that he will at least read each of the personal pieces - that each of the fics and art also have a little write up from their creator about what the show and/or fandom has meant to them and their gender journey - how important this has been in our lives. He repeated a couple of times that he would definitely read it. I thanked him and he held out his hand and gave me the most genuine hand shake I've had in my life.
I want to really stress here how much this was instigated by Hugh. That he really wanted to know more and understand and didn't even look at the slowly growing queue but was instead intently focused on knowing more about the trans Fannibals and about why this show and the characters mean so much to us.
I then went off and spoke with a few Fannibal friends in the queue before getting around the corner to another Fannibal friend and having a bit of an emotional moment/breakdown. I can't even explain how grateful I am that he gave me the opportunity to explain all this to him. And I was especially glad I got to tell that Will is a trans icon because I'd have felt terrible if I'd have not done that after people had asked!! Thank you for trusting me to pass that message on for you!
đ
I know for many of you Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal might have gone a little under the radar. So here is some more about that >>
It was compiled last year for Trans Hanni Day, edited by Max Turner of (and in conjunction with) A Coup of Owls Press - and published under Max's ACoO imprint.
It features essays, personal pieces, fanart and fanfic by and about trans, non-binary, genderqueer and otherwise non-cis Fannibals.
IT IS FREE TO DOWNLOAD, however we ask that if you do that, please consider donating to one of the linked trans orgs if you can afford to (or a similar organisation/charity of your choice).
It can be purchased on Amazon, however, as the proceeds go to charity, and Amazon only gives royalties, more is earned/given if bought directly via Max's shop.
Dearest trans Fannibals, please know that YOU ARE SEEN!
#hugh dancy#hannibal#will graham#trans will graham#trans fannibals#fannibals#fannibal family#boston expo#hannibal reunion tour 2024#meat up
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HITS DIFFERENT | L.DH
TITLE: hits different
PAIRING: lee haechan x fem!reader | mcâs best friend johnny, haechanâs roommate mark (+ kinda emotional support boy when mc acts like a loser)
GENRE: non-idol au, strangers to friends with benefits to lovers, getting together, smut, angst, fluff | requested | bonus part
SUMMARY: nobody ever got under your skin, not until Haechan came in your life and changed everything.Â
WARNINGS: smut, protected and unprotected sex (condom first and then mc is on the pill), multiple sex scenes, oral sex, fingering, car sex, riding, fingers sucking, face sitting, rimming, anal, mirror sex, a bit of exhibitionism (as a fantasy), praise, teasing (as in degradation but itâs not hard stuff), handjob, morning sex, kitchen sex, toys (vibrator), overstimulation, (no bdsm but) switchy dynamics, sa doesnât happen but there are a few references to pushy behaviours, mentions of a past car accident and death of a barely mentioned character | I hope I didnât forget anything but if I did, let me know! | kinda implied that both haechan and the reader are bi because in this house we only support mxf bi4bi couples (joking⊠unless) do whatever you want with this information.
WC: 44.804k
TAGLIST: @adorejaehynâ @matchahyuckâ @sundhaelatte @jjhmkâ @ourbeautifulaffairâ @what-the-jamsâ @oleoleniallâ @kundann @bbaguâ @ismileeprnc-responderâ @produmadsâ @zkdlllinâ @yesohhsehunâ @aliceinwhateverlandâ @strangevanteâ @cas104 @hyuckdreamsâ
A/N: finally writing hyuck as a loser male wife (kinda) my life is complete!!! Itâs been months and Iâm back with a request, I know it took long to write it but I hope whoever requested will like this. Iâm still not sure about the present tense but idk Iâm trying out new things. I would really appreciate if you could support my work in any way, feedback makes me happy and motivates me to keep writing. If you can, reblog so it can reach more people or come and chat in the ask box to let me know your opinion! Love you, enjoy!
It was Johnnyâs fault. Itâs always his fault when things donât go as planned.Â
Itâs his fault if right now you are jumping around Haechanâs bedroom trying to look for your clothes while the clock is running fast, and you are running late.Â
It was Johnnyâs fault for setting you up with Haechan out of all his friends.Â
âCan you please help instead of just staring while I slowly transcend into madness?â
Haechan rolls his eyes, still laying in bed, crumpled-up sheets all over his body. âDamn, all of this for a pair of panties?â
âFor all my clothes. What the hell did we do last night?â You groan, throwing your head back while another exhausted sigh slips from your lips.Â
âDonât know,â he shrugs, shaking his hair out of his face while a small smirk curls his lips, âfucked you so hard you forgot?â
âShut up!â
Haechan sighs another time, eyes rolling in the back of his skull before he stands up and actually starts helping you find your things. You hear him giggle at your muttered curses under your breath but at least heâs helping, studying the room to put your outfit back together.Â
But when you finally are done, he doesnât shut up, heâs not half asleep like he usually is when you sneak out of his place on your tiptoes like a thief.Â
âYou know, I donât even get it,â he says, crossing his arms, eyes fixated on you even if you can only see him with your peripherical view, too occupied putting your panties back on.Â
âWhat?â
âWhy youâre always in a rush. I think this is the first time I wake up with you. I donât bite, you know,â you can hear the sarcasm in his voice and this early in the morning, with those implications, you find it slightly irritating.Â
You scoff, âI wouldnât say that.â
âIt happened once,â he exhales loudly, a hint of annoyance in his voice, âthey looked extra soft.â Thatâs always his justification when you bring up the one time he bit you during sex, his eyes falling on your chest before you swiftly cover it with your arm.Â
âOkay, enough. You are a sleepy head and I have things to do, thatâs why.â
Yeah, thatâs why. Itâs got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you wouldâve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesnât know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse.Â
âWhatever,â he replies, believing in you, slightly disappointed over the fact you implied heâs lazy and sleeps too much. âWe could eat breakââ
âNo!â You scream. âFuck,â you shout again when in the rush of reacting to his absurd proposal you almost zip your panties â or better the skin of your mound â in the zip of your jeans. âI just told you Iâm late.â
Haechan doesnât get you. He thinks he never will. And you can see it in his eyes and the way heâs looking at you. It makes no sense for you to sweat while youâre dressing up again. He also thinks he knows so little of you and has no faint idea of what you could be late for. But he doesnât ask. He might not have rules written, but somehow that feels like crossing some of those lines that are in between you like invisible strings.Â
âMy purse, my purse, where the hell is my purse?â
He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, âCouch, probably. You always throw it there.â
You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits? You scroll that out of your mind and run a hand through your hair â the flat press that now looks like a mess â before walking past him. Itâs so irritating to have him there while you have to escape.Â
âWhy are you following me?â You ask exhausted, turning around to meet him standing right behind you; youâre face to face, and considering he spent half of the night inside you, you shouldnât find it so weird to have him so close, but it is, so you take a step back.Â
ââCause this is my house?â
You huff, âyeah, of course.â Your purse is on the couch where you always throw it, and youâre quick to grab it before heading to the door.Â
âAre you sure you donât ââ
âNo, gotta go. Bye. See ya,â you stop him, waving a last goodbye with a barely visible movement of the hand.Â
The door closes behind you and you finally start breathing normally again.
This is all Johnnyâs fault.
It was Johnnyâs fault.Â
If only he didnât drag you out that night with the lame excuse that you needed to unwind and meet new people.Â
It wasnât totally wrong. Letâs say you arenât the best at making decisions, especially romantically, and you were still caught up with your ex... or whatever he was. You two werenât together anymore, technically. Practically? WellâŠ
But you didnât want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasnât even that good, currently heâs the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didnât end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole.
âCan you please donât run, I canât keep up with you,â you scream, trying to reach your best friend, Johnny, hurrying in your steps, praying you wonât break your ankles.Â
âYou still insist to wear those heels when you canât walk in them,â he jokes, laughing at you, watching you huff and bend over to catch your breath.Â
âItâs not them, itâs you for being so tall, why do you take such big steps?âÂ
Johnny only rolls his eyes before pointing at the bar door with his head, âShould we head in? Need me to carry you or your small legs can drag you inside?âÂ
You frown, glaring at him, âI hate you.âÂ
Johnny smiles, handing out his arm so you can intertwine it with yours and then you step in.Â
The inside of the bar is cosy, the brown of the wood and the shelves make it warmer, and the music playing in the background is a nice company sound that wonât overshadow the talks. You donât have time to look around much more, Johnnyâs hand swiftly wraps around your wrist, and then he starts dragging you somewhere, and you can only activate your brain again to focus on him if you donât want to fall in the middle of the place like a bag of potato.Â
âDude, you finally made it, youâre late.â A boy you donât know exclaims from the table and your eyes follow the line of five heads sitting next to him.Â
âSorry, it was her fault,â Johnny says. Lies, cause you were on time, he picked you up late, making you wait ten minutes under your complexâs porch.Â
You are about to complain but suddenly all the eyes are on you, and you are too conscious about it to do anything else other than stare back at them with an awkward shy smile and a small wave of your hand.Â
âHe picked me up late,â you still manage to babble out cause thereâs no way that will be the first impression of you. You surely have some flaws â many flaws, Johnny would say â but being late itâs not one of them.Â
âYeah, we know,â another one replies, glaring at your friend.Â
âHaechan,â Johnny replies with a scowl to him, and you try to note to yourself thatâs his name. âMove, we need to sit, too.âÂ
You wouldnât have minded sitting at the far end of the bench, not even if you were at risk of falling down every two seconds. It wouldâve been better than being squeezed between Johnny and Haechan. But even if the position is not the best, once again because Johnny takes too much space, after more than an hour you got along with all of his friends, you learned that most of them were dating, or busy with something, so you couldnât quite get why Johnny brought you there. The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense.Â
âSo, how do you know Johnny?â You ask, turning around to look at him while a small smile curls your lips.Â
Haechan smiles, or smirks, itâs almost a chuckle, you canât quite describe it. âAt the gym.âÂ
âAt the gym?âÂ
He rolls his eyes, swiftly licking his lips, and lifting his hands up in defence, âI tried, okay? Itâs just not for me.âÂ
âOh, no, sorry if it came off rudely,â you apologise. âYou didnât seem interested when they talked about it before soâŠâÂ
âCause Iâm not,â he laughs wholeheartedly, and his face softens, making you take a breath of relief, well, good, you didnât fuck it up for once. âWe got close soon and then we started knowing each other out of that hell.â
You laugh at the way he talks about the gym, not that you disagreed, Johnny tried more than once to drag you there but youâre loyal to your Saturday and Sunday morning runs outside or on your treadmill.Â
His eyes fall on yours again, and he briefly studies your features before speaking again, âWhat about you?âÂ
âOh, he was actually my brotherâs best friend, then they fought, and we became inseparable. My brother is still mad but thatâs not my fault.âÂ
Haechan laughs even though a frown hardens his features for a second, something about your tone seemed off for a split moment, but he shrugs it off and tries to joke about it, âUsually that ends with dating.âÂ
Your eyes widen and your head moves from side to side. âOh, hell no.âÂ
âJohnnyâs a dream for a lot of people.âÂ
âYeah, weâre fine as friends,â you confirm again, the mere idea of seeing Johnny as something else making your stomach convulse. You are sure heâs a perfect boyfriend, husband even, to somebody else. Â
âOh, already taken?âÂ
âNo, weâre friends, heâs my soulmate in another way. And I donât do love.âÂ
Haechan stares at you, his eyes moving on your face, the small nervous twitching of the corner of your lips, and the frenetic playing of your fingers with the crumbs on the table. âNo?âÂ
âItâs just not for me. Not in aâŠâ you stop, trying to find the words. You donât have a reason, you just never fell deeply for someone. You surely care for people, and you love your friends, but your relationships never left a deep mark on you. Youâre fine with yourself. âIâm good on my own.âÂ
âBad experiences?â He tries to guess, thinking heâs going to hit the target.Â
You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. âNo, Iâve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.âÂ
He chuckles, and something crosses his face but you donât catch it, it looks like the smirk of before with a glint in his eyes, but itâs too quick, and you donât know him at all to read his micro-expressions that well.Â
âYou?â You ask, feeling a push of curiosity that makes you want to learn more about him. His lips move, but you have no time to carry on the conversation since the others arrived.Â
Back then you didnât know where that night wouldâve led you. You had no idea that the person that wouldâve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnnyâs fault.Â
Youâre sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didnât happen. You two didnât even exchange numbers, you canât even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friendâs arm.Â
Whatever led you here started a few weeks after, probably even a month later, when Haechan had already slipped out of your mind, long forgotten, categorized with those people that if you saw somewhere you were sure you already knew, but couldnât remember when, why, and how.Â
But with him, that didnât happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you wouldâve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him.Â
âLook whoâs alive,â Haechan jokes, looking at you up and down, eyes lingering for a bit longer on your exposed thighs, the pink skirt youâre wearing giving him a good view of your skin. Â
You chuckle, âwhy would I be dead?âÂ
He shrugs, before calling the bartender and ordering you a drink. âDonât know, you disappeared,â he whispers, looking at you.
âI didnât know we wanted to keep contact,â you say, meeting his gaze and drifting away immediately, itâs a subtle movement, enough to make it seem like the stocked bottles of different types of liquor are more interesting than him. You never react like that, thereâs something different in the air tonight and youâre not sure you want to get drunk on that feeling.Â
âYouâre right,â he whispers, and your legs brush for an instant as he sits better on the stool. âI find you interesting, so I was looking forward to seeing you again.âÂ
âReally? After a five-minute talk, I already have that effect on you?â You tease, staring into his brown eyes while you sip on the drink that arrived.Â
âYou talked all night, to be honest. You seem fun to be with,â he defends himself, but you see in the way he acts that heâs confident, your teasing didnât make him uncomfortable or anything, and you donât know where your bickering-flirting method is going to take you. âYouâre friends with Jonny, after all.âÂ
You shake your head, placing the glass down, and then fix your skirt. âSo following your logic you should be charming and attractive too?âÂ
He lifts a hand to stop you, âNever called you charming or attractive, do you think that of me, honey? Want me to think you are?âÂ
Youâre stunned and a bit taken aback because you werenât expecting that answer, and you donât even expect your body to light on fire. Itâs not really about the words, itâs the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And itâs also in the way his body talks, itâs addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face.Â
You shake your head when you realize that you still didnât come up with an answer, too lost in his details to think about a comeback, and youâd like to die when his melodious laugh resonates from his chest.Â
âShould we order another one to ease the tension?â He doesnât give you time to fall down into the deep end of your regrets and embarrassment, heâs smiling at you tenderly, and you smile back.Â
Thereâs something different in the air, and youâre sure about it, just like you feel more and more like you shouldnât get drunk on that feeling.Â
But you donât have a choice when the night drags longer and youâre no longer sitting at the bar but youâre dancing in a corner of the club with his hands all over you. You donât know how you got there, words turned into teasing, teasing turned into something bigger you didnât know how to deal with (he is good with words), and to bear with them you thought dancing wouldâve drawn his quirky remarks out, but Haechan was also good with his body, and once he had you wrapped around him, you didnât know how to stop.Â
You had lost sight of Johnny, but you couldnât care about him. Technically you had to go home with him, but you werenât sure you wanted to.Â
âFuck, girl,â he whispers, âyouâre good at this.âÂ
You roll your eyes, but a laugh rolls out from your chest. âDonât call me girl, it sounds so condescending and you sound like a creep.âÂ
âSorry, prefer other pet names, or is your name fine?âÂ
âMy name is fine.â Your name shouldâve been a neutral thing to keep him away from your heart, at least â even if he actually isnât, he is already deep inside your panties by now. But unfortunately, even the way your name rolls out of his lips makes your heart lose a beat. But you blame it on the night, on the alcohol, and on the fact heâs teasing you, whispering it right next to your ear as if heâs casting a spell on you.Â
You need to breathe some fresh air because Haechan is becoming too much. He was already all over you and you arenât used to this.Â
When you open the door of the bar and lean against the wall, the cold of the night envelops you before his warmth washes over you again.Â
He doesnât talk, though. Even if your eyes are closed you can feel he is staring at your face, fearfully at your lips while they puff out white clouds of air.Â
âShould we take this home?â Those words seem so loud in the quiet of the night, just a few cars passing by and some people stumbling out of the club.Â
You donât reply, your head turns around to stare at him; heâs serious, partially drunk, but serious. And you are in desperate need of a good fuck. Well, you hope it will be a good one, or probably no, maybe you wish it will be terrible so you can rant about it with Johnny and he will make sure you and Haechan never cross paths again. But right now, youâre not thinking with your brain, and you want him, hoping it will be good, and who knows, maybe you can find your perfect distraction.Â
âYour place?â You ask straightforwardly, meeting his eyes.Â
âOh, Markâs at home,â he says, âmy roommate.âÂ
You sigh, you canât take him home either. âWell,â you say, rubbing your neck and looking away, âmaybe next time, then.âÂ
âWait,â he stops you by a hand, âhave you ever done it in a car?âÂ
No, you havenât, and soon you also find out why youâve never done it.
âWill you please stop cursing?â Haechan rasps, pulling your panties down, trying to block your leg from kicking him in the face.Â
âI donât think this is the best place we could â fuck,â the words die in your mouth when, after rolling his eyes and gutturally groaning to shut up, his lips close around your pussy. Itâs a harsh suck on your clit that gets you silent, head rolling back on the backseat. You think that he might be uncomfortable kneeling between your legs, halfway down and halfway up in the space between the front and back seats, but you honestly donât care, thatâs his problem for choosing this out of all the places, not that you had a better alternative, at least the car is clean, unlike the club bathroom.Â
Itâs not the first impression people would go crazy to have about themselves, but fuck, Haechanâs good at this. Itâs like he has a mission, and probably thatâs to make you come in the shortest possible time.Â
âWhy are you so loud?â You ask. Itâs not a complaint, you like hearing him moan against your skin, and as embarrassing as they should be, you enjoy the slurp sounds heâs making while his mouth keeps working wonders on you. But your pleasure-haltered voice doesnât come out how it sounds in your brain and Haechan growls in annoyance.Â
âWhy are you still talking?â He scolds, pulling away from you, and the sight of his face covered in your wetness makes your stomach twist and your hips buck searching for more. You need him back right where he was, immediately. âGood, these are the only reactions I want from you,â he comments mockingly with a snotty grin on his face before he leans down and resumes where he stopped.Â
This time no more words but curses and moans come out of your mouth. Your head falls back slack, and your fingers graze the backseats of his car, trying to hold onto something as the knot in your stomach tightens more with every lick on your sensitive core.Â
âTaste so good,â he hums against you, his hands push your legs up for what he can, and his fingers dip into your soft skin, gripping strongly to keep you in place. The cold of the rings adorning his digits makes you shiver and youâd do anything to have them inside you, but it feels so good that you canât even beg for that, too focused on what heâs already doing with his lips and tongue.Â
âHaechan,â you whisper when he quickens his movements and parts your lips more, starting to also tease your entrance with his tongue and making you feel more exposed. You should be more bothered about the cars â and people â passing next to you in the parking spot, but given by your whimpers and moans, itâs clear you donât care. Truthfully, itâs like you have completely forgotten where you are, not even the painful reminder of the safety beltâs buckle pressing right against your ribcage seems to remind you that youâre in public and anyone could hear â and for now see too, since the windowpanes arenât fogged by the heat of your bodies yet.Â
âMhh, mhh,â he sings in response, opening his eyes to meet yours, looking at you with so much intensity you feel your knees tremble and your thighs close around his head. âNo, no, no, babe, let me do my job.âÂ
You groan; the teasing, almost condescending, tone of his voice fuels a fire in you, and the orgasm chokes you up. You curse when your climax breaks through your body and leaves you gasping for air while Haechan continues pleasuring you through your high. His hands cup your ass, kneading it, while his tongue plays with your extra sensitive pussy for some more before he pulls away and stares at the mess between your legs with a proud, playful smirk curling his reddened and puffy lips.Â
âSo, was it worth it for you, spoiled princess?âÂ
You scoff, brushing your hair back and some sweat off your forehead, while you try to close your legs because suddenly you feel too exposed to him. âYou canât deny the car is a shitty place.âÂ
He laughs and then shakes his head. âSo shitty you canât take some more for me?â He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants.Â
âIf youâre also so good with your dick I think I can take being cramped up in a sardine can some more,â you joke, struggling to sit up because your legs feel like jelly and you canât believe he made you feel that good with his tongue only. Your first time together? And it looked like he genuinely loved giving oral? Was all this luck a sign of something tragic imminent?Â
You scroll your thoughts out of your mind when you feel the sound of the belt unbuckling and his jeans hitting the floor of the car.Â
âFucking worst idea ever,â he curses as he realizes that he canât fuck you with the denim mid-thigh.Â
âI told you,â you retort, and youâd be entertained to watch him curse and struggle some more, pondering if he should just get rid of his shoes too and be naked while anyone could knock on your window and signal you to the police, but you want him too badly and you canât wait any longer, so you propose a thing, âSit here, Iâll ride.âÂ
His eyes light up and you can see the weight being lifted off his chest as he nods and promptly sits in the middle seat. You stare in silence as he pushes the boxers down his legs too before grabbing a condom and rolling it down his length. You could cry because also his dick looks perfect for now, and you donât go around saying it often, but itâs literally the perfect size, it wonât hurt you and yet it will fill you amazingly, you just know.Â
âEnchanted?â He tsk with a bragging tone, winking while he runs his fingers through his hair.
Your eyes roll in the back of your head, but your pussy clenching is your honest reaction, heâs too hot and uses it to his advantage a bit too often, he canât keep getting away with it. So, you go on with your lie, trying to appear unfazed, you shake your head and climb on top of him, luckily you decided to go for the mini skirt and not the long pants tonight, so you donât have access problems. You move your hand to grab the base and lift your hips, only when you feel his tip prod at your entrance you start sinking.Â
âOh, shit,â you moan and your head rolls back when you bottom down completely. You donât move right away, letting yourself get used to his â in fact â perfect girth and length, feeling his hands wrap around your waist to keep you from falling clumsily.Â
Haechan lets out a shaky moan too, and his eyes are closed still when you lift your head and focus on his face, but they snap open when you start moving on him.Â
âFuck, eager?â He groans, biting his lips to donât be too loud, not that it would do anything when youâre moving so fast on him, your ass smacking hard against his thighs, the sounds filling the vehicle.Â
âWanted to fuck you since I saw you standing at the bar,â you confess nonchalantly, and he thinks you canât be real, but he has no time to dwell on you and the way you are because youâre taking his breath away. He canât even lie, he wanted you too since the same moment, if not since the very first night, so having you here feels a bit unreal.Â
âYouâre so hot,â he whispers, eyes moving on your body, watching your boobs bounce with every thrust through the skimpy top, and your thighs, fuck your thighs, he wants to squeeze them and hold them, and so he does, moving his hands there and massaging the flesh, eliciting more moans from your parted lips.Â
Your hands clench on his shoulders, your nails dig into his skin, and he lets out a groan but it surprises you when you realize itâs a moan of pleasure and not pain. Your lips twitch in a smirk before your tongue runs on them. âLike the pain?âÂ
He glares at you, moving his left hand on your ass, slapping it harshly, smirking in victory when a choked moan falls from your lips and your cunt clenches around him. âYou too, it seems,â he winks.Â
âFucker,â you slur out, narrowing your brows, and picking up a different rhythm, grinding your hips on him with force to distract him from your right hand creeping on his neck until it reaches his hair and pulls at it with a tug.Â
âShit,â he moans, thighs flexing under you at the unexpected wave of pleasure he feels rushing through his bones. âI hate you.âÂ
You donât reply, you donât need to, itâs clear he doesnât, and heâs loving it. So, you give him more, leaning in to leave small bites on his neck and collarbones. You donât let your teeth sink in his golden sink much, your goal is not to leave ugly blooms of purple and red for everyone to see, you want to feel the shivers on his skin and the hisses hitting your earlobe every time you graze his sensitive skin.Â
You pull back with a cuss when another smack lands on your other asscheek, and Haechan chuckles darkly at your surprised face.Â
âWhat, babe? Itâs the art of giving and receiving,â he says, trying to sound cocky but his breaths are short and heâs clearly fighting himself back to let out all the moans youâre eliciting from him.Â
You groan, and you almost lean in to kiss him, you donât think it through, your body moves on its own but right when your lips are about to crash you stop, seeing eye to eye. âI hope youâre having fun, then,â you retort, but your voice is shaky â he blames it on the sex â and your heart is almost pumping out of your ribcage, but he doesnât notice, he doesnât even notice your trembling hand as you try to fight off the anxiety that being so close to him, to his lips, to his eyes, gives you.Â
âSo much fun,â he snorts, pulling you closer to him by the waist and you have to pull back swiftly, gasping for air. The car feels suffocating, and when you turn around for a split second you canât see whatâs outside, glasses steamed up.Â
âWorried about people that could see us?â He teases you, bringing your attention back on him with his thumb on your clit, smirking proudly when your eyes widen and your thighs tremble, and you have no idea how youâre â not only supporting your body up â but still fucking him.Â
âWorried about going home with a corpse in the car,â you mutter when he starts moving his finger on your clit, and presses his hand on the small of your back, and you can almost feel the metal meld in your skin for how hot your body is.Â
âWant to kill me? After the best fuck of your life?â He pouts, starting to move up into you, knocking the breath out of your lungs.Â
âYou wish,â you spit out, but oh god if heâs right.Â
âThen I guess youâre not gonna come.â He forces you still down on him, the strong grip on your waist almost painful. Â
âWhat?â Your eyes snap open, and your hands have to hold onto his shoulder because your legs canât hold you up by themselves anymore.Â
âChanged your mind? Itâs good?âÂ
You groan, throwing your head back when he resumes the strokes. âIt is good, I just want to slap you for no reason.â Because you are too good, and I might already be addicted and I donât like how this sounds.Â
Haechan grins, loving the way you look like a mess in his arms but still talk back and do anything to pretend that itâs not that good. Heâs getting off to that, your blissed face, your low, needy moans, your trembling thighs, and your dripping wet pussy making a mess around him. Heâs getting off to you, and your stubbornness that makes all your weaknesses so fucking attractive.Â
âHaechan,â you slur out, letting your head fall on his shoulder while your whole body tenses up. You donât warn him, the orgasm runs through you before you can even process it, and Haechan doesnât need words anyway because your cunt clenching around him and your nails digging into his back again trigger his own release too. Your moans blend together and bounce around the car while your hips move in messy thrusts for a while more before coming to a stop, slowly letting the quiet of the night around you slip into the car and remind you two what you had just done.
âFuck,â you breathe out, forcing your torso up, and gulping while you look around and hope you werenât too lost in the pleasure and didnât hear police sirens or something.Â
âDonât worry, nobody ever walks around here,â Haechan chuckles, watching the expression on your face change into confusion, leaving the fear behind. âWhy do you think I always park here if itâs free?âÂ
âOh,â you whisper. âSo, you bring a lot of people here. Nice to know,â your comment is sarcastic but you canât deny the small veil of pettiness and jealousy behind it.Â
âHonestly?â He says, shutting down a moan of disappointment when your body leaves his, and you try to look for your purse to find tissues to clean yourself. âI never brought anybody here, not for sex at least.âÂ
You shouldnât be relieved, but you are, and you shouldnât. So you shrug it off and turn around after you pushed the dirty tissue into the empty envelope that used to contain it before. âAnd for what then?âÂ
âOccasional smoking weed sessions,â he confesses. âWhen one of my older friends used to drive me and my roommate here, and we escaped those nights with some other friends. Iâm not saying nobody ever passes by, but trust me, they donât care âcause they probably will do the same.âÂ
You hum before staring at the door handle as if it will open on its own.
âWant me to drop you home? It got late,â Haechan asks now that heâs finally put together again and looks at least decent, the flush on his face is still there and his hair is a mess, but heâs covered.Â
You shake your head and bite your thumb before your hand lays on the handle. âNo, Johnny will drop me home.âÂ
âOkay, great. Are you alright?âÂ
You laugh and look at him with a grin on your face. âPlaying boyfriend after you fucked me next to a wood?âÂ
âOh, shut up!â He yells, pushing you out, and then following you. âJust wanted to check.âÂ
âWell, I can walk on my knees, so I guess Iâm fine, thank you for your concern, Mr perfect dick.âÂ
Haechan scoffs, rolling his eyes and walking to the other side, opening the driverâs door and getting halfway in. âFuck you, Miss Iâm not fucking in a car.âÂ
âGoodnight to you, too, Haechannie. It was lovely making a new acquaintance,â you joke, and you canât hold back the smile when he starts the car and drives away all while holding his middle finger up for you to see after sending you a flying kiss.Â
When you turn around and hug yourself in your jacket to shield yourself from the cold, you curse at your first step.Â
You very much canât walk without looking like you just learnt how to stand on your feet.Â
âFuck you, Lee Haechan.âÂ
The rules arenât exactly written anywhere in your house, it wouldâve been weird if someone ever entered and found your â10 things to donât do with your fuckbuddyâ, not that many people are allowed in your apartment. That is another of your thousands of unwritten rules, itâs not like you donât have friends, you are pretty chatty with everyone and get to know people easily, but your house is your safe place, and only a few are allowed in. Haechan isnât one of that. It isnât because you arenât close with each other, by now it had been six months since you started this and well, you got to know each other pretty deeply, but you are terrified that your rules arenât his.Â
You know how to move when you go to his place, you have your ways to donât turn this amazing sex into a catastrophe of broken hearts and shed tears; the rules are simple and clear in your mind.Â
Rule number 1:Â never sleep over.Â
Sleeping in the same bed is romantic. Even when there are no feelings involved, even when no âI love yousâ can slur out of someoneâs mouth.Â
Sleeping in the same bed is dangerous.Â
You can appear a bit cold and distant, but unfortunately, you arenât. And as much you tell yourself to donât catch feelings, you may never know what happens when you fall asleep side by side and two arms start keeping you warm. Sure, you could sleep in the same bed and still stay away from each other, but what if⊠yeah, you donât even like to think about the possibility of things that arenât in your plans to happen.Â
Better safe than sorry.Â
But that rule doesnât last long. Haechan is a little too good and you always finish a little too late, so most of the time either your legs donât allow you to stand on your feet (let alone drive back home), or it is too late and there are no more buses.Â
So, rule number 1 became what used to be rule number 2: if you by mistake sleep over, leave before he wakes up.Â
This one is pretty easy to follow. Haechan is more gone than you in the morning and as soon as you hear the first ring of your alarm you are on your feet, ready to go on with your routine. Washing your face, fixing your hair, and finding your clothes so you could be out of there as soon as possible. You wouldâve dealt with the other hygienic things back at home. You often thought about carrying a small bag with you with your toothbrush, a towel, and some other things, but that felt too domestic. Even if you had to bring it from home, the idea of brushing your teeth at his place, washing your hair, taking a shower, and walking around his house with only a bathrobe, made shivers run down your spine. Too romantic.Â
Rule number 3:Â never invite him over.Â
Itâs not only for sex-related problems, itâs also because you donât want him to get too deep into you. You had spent a lot of time to make this house your home, and you are sure that if you let him in after the doorstep, he wouldâve got to know you, and you donât want that to happen. You are close, but not too close, and you want to maintain the line clear.Â
Rule number 4: no kisses. Â
Strictly no kisses outside of the bed. Your initial rule included also kisses inside of the bedroom â or whatever surface he fucked you against â but after the first kiss he stole from you, well, screw another rule. It is also quite impossible when, for some reason, you two got so primal with each other. It isnât a fucking session with him if you donât spend at least five minutes making out while your hands roam each otherâs bodies leaving marks behind. Embarrassing, you think every time those flashbacks assault your mind when you are out of the sex haze.Â
Rule number 5:Â keep it private.Â
This also was never spoken but it seemed like Haechan got it too. It isnât to protect the relationship or some other bullshit, you simply canât stand peopleâs opinions about you and your life. Also, what is the point of people knowing you two fucked? Thatâs too personal and invasive. You donât want to deal with their comments or their misunderstanding of your and Haechanâs friendship. After all, you two are friends before anything else and you act like friends, but as soon as people know something more is going on, their first brilliant idea is to make up crazy theories of how you two look like such a hot couple and would be perfect together.Â
And then there are some more, random rules you make up along the way every time you feel he is crossing some lines or you are.Â
It might seem strange that thereâs no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, itâs not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. Youâre not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits?Â
Unfortunately, it never crossed your mind that they are not Haechan.Â
Youâre not sure when it all started. What youâre sure about is that you never planned for anything to start. The fuck in the car had been, unfortunately, really good, but you truly believed you could live without his dick. But maybe there was something else of him you couldnât live without, and you had no idea about it yet.
âSo, uhm, you know Haechan, right?â Johnny mutters in a low voice while you two are walking back home after you convinced him to go out for a run with you instead of going to the gym.Â
You sip from your cup of coffee and stare at him with a question mark painted all over your face, is he dumb?  âMhh, yeah, you got us in touch?âÂ
âLike him?âÂ
The coffee almost spurts out of your mouth, but you still try to keep your composure and only choke silently on the sip that youâre swallowing. âHe seems like a cool guy.âÂ
Johnny snorts, âA cool guy, really?âÂ
âWhat do you want me to say? I barely know him.â You donât like the smirk that crosses your friendâs face, you know what kind of grin it is, the smirk of a man that has a plan you know nothing about, and you donât like not being aware of what is going on. âJohnny?âÂ
âWell, you could get to know him better?âÂ
Your eyebrow rises and you almost stop walking, your brain running too fast trying to keep up with your friendâs bullshit. âWhat do you mean?â
âHe asked if I could give him your number, wanted to be sure it was okay with you.â
âHe asked about me?âÂ
Johnny hums, slurping loudly on his straw. Arenât straws banned? Why does this place still sell them? Just so he can get on your nerves? You are brought out of your straw-hatred thoughts when he speaks again.Â
âTold me you talked the other night.âÂ
âTalked,â you snort before coughing. âI mean, the music was loud, and we could barely make a conversation, but yes, he seems⊠fine.âÂ
âHe seemed interested.âÂ
âWell, give him my number, Iâm sure he wonât text me anyway.âÂ
You got Haechan wrong. So many times actually, because every time you expected he would do something, he would always surprise you by doing the opposite and you werenât sure it was a good thing.Â
When you got home after parting your ways with Johnny, the last thing you were expecting was to get out of the shower and see the notification on your phone from an unknown number.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx hi, itâs haechan. guess you remember me cause johnny gave me your numberÂ
thanks for giving him the consent btw
we were so busy last night that we didnât think about thisÂ
You hate to admit it, but you stare at the phone a little too long, why is he so polite about it? Damn, is your bar set so low? Is it really that bad that 90% of the men you met wouldâve sent you a dick pic as the first message or a âwhat would you if I was in the shower with youâ text? Probably it is.Â
You quickly shake your head, biting your thumb, and get up from the bed, swearing because you already left a wet patch on the duvet.Â
âI canât answer naked,â you whisper, opening the chat and already thinking about what to reply. âI mean, it could come in handy if he asks for nudes but⊠what the fuck am I talking about?â You curse before throwing the locked phone in the middle of the bed and rushing to the closet to grab some new clothes.Â
When youâre all done, in black sweatpants and a white long-sleeve shirt, hair dry, and skincare applied, you slump on the bed and face what has a big chance of becoming your new toy.Â
you hi! yes i canât really forget you
âOh, jesus, are you kidding me? Thatâs cheesy. He will never get that I mean I canât forget about his fingers, tongue, and cock, right?â You huff, throwing your head back, trying to think of something else.
you hi! yes i rememberÂ
âThere, so we donât sound like a pathetic loser,â you hum happily, pressing send. And with that, you mightâve avoided that, but heâs trying to win the race of the best pathetic losers because he replies in less than a minute.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx great, feared you forgot about me againÂ
anyway, how are you?Â
You stare at the phone, not because you want to make him wait â you really couldnât get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they wonât disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply â youâre truly shocked because, damn, a small taste of you and he is already a sore loser, and youâre not ready for a half-assed small talk conversation.Â
Your fingers start typing anyway.Â
you good, went on a run with j
you?Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx stayed humble and played with some of my friendsÂ
âOh, heâs a gamer? Thatâs why heâs good with his fingers,â you let out before you can think of what youâre saying, and also ask yourself since when you started talking to yourself so much. Maybe Johnny is right, being alone is fucking you up.Â
you did you win?Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx of course, babe
do you know whom youâre talking to?
A loser.Â
You think but you donât write it.Â
A loser.Â
You think of yourself when reading the message, you can hear his honey-like voice whisper âbabeâ to your ear and your core starts throbbing as if sheâs been left starving for years.Â
you haha hope you had funÂ
Dammit. Since when do you suck so much at holding a conversation? Why arenât you flirting back? Wait, is he flirting?Â
Another groan leaves your lips as you plunge even southern on the bed and lock the phone again, hoping he lost interest in you after that dry-ass message and you can go back to your toys and your ex â update, the sex ranking fell down after Haechan, he wasnât even good for that anymore.Â
But Haechan surprises you, he always does. When your phone dings again you expect to find Johnny congratulating you for being a dumb bitch but instead your jaw falls on the floor.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx sure did
btwÂ
can i take you out tomorrow? johnny told me you stop working at twelve on friday so it shouldnât be a problem
dinner out? iâll come to pick you up at 7Â
âWhat the fuck?â Your attempt at donât look like a crazy single 40 years old woman that fell into madness by being only surrounded by her cats didnât last long. âWhat the actual fuck?âÂ
Is that a date? He asked you how youâre doing for some sort of niceties before dropping the question just like that? Why is Johnny so nosy going around telling your business â mental note; talk to Johnny about shutting his mouth.
you fine but i can drive thereÂ
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx no dw, itâs a surprise, iâll drive you
you thanks, i promise i wonât make you wait
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx canât wait to see you đÂ
You snort, fucking loser, before going to his contact.Â
âpathetic loserâ was added to contacts.Â
Haechan surprises you even on your first date, or whatever you could call that. As sweet as he seems, you deep down â precisely between your legs â hope it is a dick appointment, but since you arenât with your car you arenât so sure about that, he for sure isnât entering your place that night.Â
You are punctual, already waiting for him outside of your house, and immediately entering on the passenger side when he stops on the sidewalk.Â
âAm I late?â Haechan asks when he sees you step in so promptly.Â
âNo. Why wait, though? See that the first time it was Johnnyâs fault?âÂ
Haechan chuckles before giving you a brief look, studying your red dress, the heels, and the small bag, and then starts the car again. âItâs always Johnnyâs fault.âÂ
Yeah, you totally agree.
âSo, where are we going?â You ask, hating the silence thatâs filling the car. After the small talks, you stopped conversating, and even if it wasnât awkward you didnât want your brain to travel to places.Â
âI told you, itâs a surprise.âÂ
âI donât really like surprises,â you confess, turning your gaze to him, leaving the city behind you. Â
âDamn, you bite back,â he whispers, and you blink in surprise.Â
âAm I too honest?âÂ
âDonât know, I donât know you yet.âÂ
You think for a second that you should end this as soon as possible, he seems too sweet and even if you donât do it on purpose, you know you can come off as too edgy at times. Not everyone likes being told things to their faces or having set boundaries they couldnât cross, but you mean no harm, you just want your space protected.Â
âIt wasnât supposed to come out harshly, Iâm sorry,â you say, trying to meet his eyes and when he stops at the traffic lights, he turns to stare at you. âIt was kinda a âget to know meâ information and I sounded like a bitch.âÂ
Haechan laughs, shaking his head, fingers tapping on the wheel, probably to release the tension in his muscles. âI wasnât offended, I just wasnât expecting you to be so upfront. People⊠lie.âÂ
âI hate liars,â your voice comes out just like before and you curse under your breath. Â
âAnother âget to know meâ information?â He questions, his voice playful while a gentle smile curls his lips.Â
You roll your eyes, shaking your head. âAdd it to the list, it might be helpful if you donât want to end up on my blacklist.âÂ
The biggest surprise Haechan gifts you is that⊠he is not an asshole.Â
You expected he would say something during dinner to make your pussy dry, brain dead and stomach convulsing with the urge of puking, but⊠he didnât. Nothing dumb, insensitive, tone-deaf, cringy, or creepy came out of his mouth.Â
Even when he flirted, he knew how to do it right. He was so fucking good at it, being so subtle he left you speechless and warm, making you dizzy, and, after the tenth eyebrow rise and lick of his lips, even wet.Â
And he was funny. Quickly going down the memory lane you could recall that the only man that genuinely made you smile so much was Johnny.Â
And well, youâre not quite sure how to feel about this.Â
The only thing you feel is the disappointment when he drops you back home and you know you wonât get a good fuck out of that â amazing â night.Â
âSo, did you have a great time?â He asks, rubbing his hands together to warm them while he turns his torso to stare at you, and you see his eyes linger on you a bit more, probably wanting to take in for the last time how beautiful you looked that night, not that he ever stopped reminding you. Â
âYeah,â you whisper, almost shily. âIt was fun, and the food was so good.â Yeah, the food. Not you. Absolutely not you. Never you.Â
Haechan smiles, nodding. âGlad you had fun; Iâve never been there, so it was a shot in the dark.âÂ
âMhh,â you hum, staring at his lips, thinking how badly you want them on you before shaking your head. âIt was a good shot in the dark.âÂ
âYeah, sometimes I donât make a mess,â he jokes, and you let out a laugh too. Good for you, you think. You always make a mess, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.Â
âWell, itâs⊠kinda late,â you start saying, rubbing your arms with your palms, and tapping your heels, hoping he would make a move and drive you to his place, as if he could mentally get you and know that youâre insane and there are only five people that can set foot in your house.Â
âYeah,â he mumbles, looking at you. Probably thinking the same, itâs only logical for him to expect you to be the one to make the first move, your place is right behind you, and you only have to ask him to go inside. But you donât. And he doesnât even think about kissing you, of course, he doesnât, you didnât even let him kiss you while he was fucking you, heâs sure you would slap him if he only moved closer now.Â
ââKay,â you sigh, undoing the belt and placing your hand on the handle, âIâll go in. Thanks for the night, the drive, the food, and the laughs.â A tender smile is sitting on your face when you say that to him before making your way out, bending to say goodbye again, just in time to get the thin veil of slight disappointment and sadness in his eyes.Â
âThatâs what matters,â he smiles. âWe can do this again. If you want to,â he adds, panicking, almost as if he had asked to marry you just to regret it two seconds later.Â
âYeah, we can,â you smile. âItâs pretty chilly out here, so,â you shrug, âgoodnight?âÂ
âCanât wait to see you again, then. Goodnight,â he says before waving at you.Â
You see he waits for you to get inside before his car starts again to head home and you find yourself grinning like a fool when the door closes behind you. Â
Yeah, heâs definitely a loser. Â
You could call that the start of your friendship, but surely not where the benefits started. Actually, the whole sex thing took a toll for a few weeks where you only got to know each other and hung out casually. You canât lie, you were sad about it, and you thought you screw it all up that night when you didnât let him in; nothing couldâve gone wrong for one time you let him in, right? He wouldâve fucked you into the weekend, making you see heaven, and then you couldâve kicked him out of the house, right? But you didnât, and now you are here, absorbed in your torments, trying to find a way to get back to where you started, possibly without ruining your friendship, of course.Â
You know the chemistry between you two is still there, but itâs like heâs holding back. You surely arenât; flirting shamelessly with him, sometimes even in front of your â now common â friends (no need to worry about Johnny, he knows you can flirt with plants when youâre in a peak of insanity and good mood, nothing of your remarks is ever serious â it is with Haechan, but he doesnât know â you just have zero skills of keeping your tongue inside your mouth and your thoughts inside your brain).Â
So, you understand that you need to make a bolder move, the dinners and the meets up around town arenât working, and your move is Johnny and another night out at the club.Â
It works. After dancing together almost all night in a corner of the club, you find yourself pressed against a wall while his hands run on your body and his lips â shily â kiss your neck, and you know you got him.Â
âYour place,â you slur, pushing him away, and grabbing his hand to drag him to get your jackets.Â
âBut Markâs at ââÂ
âAs far as I am concerned, Mark can listen to us all night, I donât care. Weâre not fucking in the car.âÂ
âYour place. What about your plaââ he tries to argue but your glare when you turn around and youâre now face to face stops him.Â
âYour place, now.âÂ
Heâs good at following orders, or maybe youâre just scary when you want to, but whatever the motive, all that matters to you is that after a fifteen minutes drive â the longest of your life â and a few minutes walk from the car to the apartment, you have Haechan buried between your legs, eating you out as if thatâs what he was sent on earth to do.Â
You wish you could care about trying to keep it low and donât moan loudly for Mark, but when Haechan slips two fingers in you and starts sucking on your clit with more strength, his poor roommate slips out of your mind completely.Â
âFuck,â you moan as your head rolls back, rubbing against the pillows of his bed, and your legs part unconsciously.Â
âYouâre so embarrassingly wet,â Haechan notices, standing on his elbow and licking his lips clean with a flick of his tongue. âBet even Mark can hear how wet you are,â he mocks, quickening the pace of his fingers inside your cunt, causing the lewd sounds of your wetness to be even louder.Â
âShut up!â You groan, slamming your hand next to you on the mattress before your fist moves in a ball and traps the sheets between your fingers.Â
Haechan grins, and a chuckle rolls from his lips while his eyes skim your face, meeting your eyes that are â pathetically â trying to glare at him. âYouâre so pretty like this, you know?âÂ
Another annoyed grunt slips out of your mouth, and you move your head to the side to avoid seeing his face.Â
But Haechan clicks his tongue and pulls out of you, making you whine and move your hand to bring his fingers right where they were. Heâs faster than you when he sits up and cups your face with his clean hand as his fingers plunge back into you with no warning, cutting the air in your lungs and causing your eyes to flutter shut.Â
âKeep your eyes on me,â he orders and you unwillingly open them again, locking them in his. âThatâs it, pretty girl.âÂ
The way those two words roll from his lips shouldnât make your stomach twist, but they do, you prefer blaming it on the way his fingers are pumping in and out of you, brushing against your sweet spot and driving you closer to the climax second after second.Â
âIâm...â you mumble, chest lifting erratically because the eye contact is driving you more insane than his hand in you, â...close.âÂ
The grin that appears on his face is so slappable but you have no strength to lift your hand and do anything, and Haechan can see it in your eyes. Thatâs how he wants you, speechless.Â
âCome for me, babe,â he urges you, pressing his thumb on your clit and moving it in circles.Â
âFuck,â you rasp out, your hand reaches his wrist, and he shakes his head, tsking.Â
âNo, youâre not pushing me away,â he says, but he doesnât move your hand away, you are not even trying to push him off, well, you are, but the attempt is laughable and embarrassing.Â
âToo much, too much,â you cry out, voice coming out muffled by his hand still wrapped around your chin. âHaechan, please.âÂ
âCome, we both know you can take much more, donât play with me,â he growls, leaning in to trap your lips in a messy, heated kiss. âBe good and come for me, would you?âÂ
You moan and hum against his lips, your hand around his wrist tightens the grip but not to push him away, to hold onto him while his fingers move even faster in and out, your hips buck up and your feet press against the mattress while he keeps you down. You feel like you canât breathe when the orgasm breaks through and you see stars, shaking under him as you feel the grin on his face as he muffles your whimpers in his mouth.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â you cry out, slapping his hand away when he doesnât stop moving after your high dimmed down. âHaechan, fucking stop.âÂ
He laughs deeply and stands away from you, his fingers slip out of you but soon after theyâre inside his mouth as he licks them clean while staring straight into your eyes.Â
âYou will drive me insane,â you mutter low enough only for you to hear and Haechan raises a brow, silently questioning you to repeat, but you wonât tell him that. âFuck me,â you request instead, sitting and grabbing the hem of your shirt to lift it off your head, throwing it around the room.Â
âHey, I wanted to undress you,â he pouts, watching you unclasp the bra that meets the same fate as the shirt soon after.Â
âToo late, shouldâve thought about it before.âÂ
He rolls his eyes but doesnât move from his position, too busy staring at your naked form. âFuck, youâre so fucking beautiful.âÂ
Your eyes roll back in your skull while a heavy sigh leaves your lips. âGreat, can you fuck me, please,â your voice is venomously nice, and gets him on top of you in a second.Â
âThough it was too much? Are you sure you can take it?âÂ
âIf you donât fuck me, Iâll ask Mark to do it and will make you watch while youâre tied to a chair.âÂ
He whistles with enthusiasm, raising a brow, âThat sounds pretty hot, you know? But I donât think Markâs the type to enjoy these things. Should we ask somebody else?âÂ
âIs there anything that is actually a threat to you or are you so horny that anything is a possibility?âÂ
âDonât know,â he whispers with a light tone as he leans in and starts kissing your neck, moving down until his lips wrap around your hard nipple, sucking harshly enough to make you hiss before he keeps talking, âisnât life boring if you donât at least try everything once?âÂ
Your stare could burn him alive. âI swear this is the last time youâre fucking me.âÂ
âOh, shut up,â he groans, kissing you to silence you. âAnything legal and not dangerous.âÂ
âI donât care about that,â you almost scream. âJust fuck me, now.âÂ
âAsk nicely,â he coos, caressing your cheek with the back of his index finger and you glare at him.Â
âMark.âÂ
âFine,â he rolls his eyes and before you can say another word he slips into you. Your teeth trap your lower lip to muffle a high moan to be heard in the entire house and your nails dig into his back. âGave you what you wanted.âÂ
âNot yet,â you whisper through gritted teeth as your body gets used to his size. âFuck me.âÂ
âAs you wish,â he replies, adjusting better between your legs to find the right position, and after a few seconds, heâs thrusting into you. This is ten times more comfortable than the fuck in the car and you canât believe itâs happening again. âYeah, definitely like you better like this,â he comments with a cocky smirk, his eyes are still on your face, and his hands are holding tight on your hips.Â
âLike you better when you fuck me and keep your mouth shut,â you bite back. You donât know why you two get so heated up during sex â fair, two times is not enough to draw conclusions and come up with statistics, but to you, itâs clear this is the way you two talk to each other when things get spicy â when you talk normally, youâre not like this.Â
Haechan rolls his eyes and grunts as he pushes with more vigor inside you, swiftly pushing your thighs against your chest with his body, and blocking your wrists over your head. His lips crush messily against yours, trapping them in a rough kiss.Â
Your eyes roll in the back of your head when he hits the sensitive spot inside you, and your legs immediately wrap around his waist to keep him close to you. You havenât died yet â obviously â but this feels like the closest thing to heaven â you doubt youâll go to heaven, to be honest â but anyway this; his hips rolling against you so perfectly, his hand on your hip and the other around your wrist, his lips on your neck and collarbones, and his cock buried deep into you, this is a taste of heaven, the higher you ever felt and probably will ever feel. And it feels humiliating that heâs got you like this after the second time together, but you donât want to fight the feeling.Â
And you donât. You moan, even letting out chants of his name shamelessly, and he has to remind you with an amused grin that youâre not alone. Mark is right next door and as funny as it might be, Haechan is not sure he wants to share you in any kind of way, no, not even the way you whimper and squirm under him.Â
âKeep quiet, babe,â he hushes you, kissing you again, and you have no strength to push him off. Maybe you can get used to his kisses, after all, itâs just sex, and for some spell, Haechan turns everything he does into sex, so a few heated kisses while he pounds into you until the bed squeaks wonât make you fall head over heels for him.Â
You nod, eyelids fluttering as you try to focus on him. His brown hair is falling on his forehead, and thereâs a cute, sexy, frown in the middle of his forehead, while his eyes are staring into yours, and you feel the knot in your stomach tug strongly, making your breath cut short. He is so intense, itâs like he can reach so deep into you and discover parts of you that are still untouched.Â
âHaechan, fuck,â your voice gets higher when he pulls your hips closer to him and changes angle to fuck into you better, âI wonât last.âÂ
He snorts, âGood.âÂ
âNo, no good, IâŠâ I want you. I want you all night. I want you all over me until your smell consumes mine. You want to scream but itâs too pathetic. You never went this far for some sex. But nobody ever felt this good either.Â
âI can fuck you all night,â he chuckles while his thumb finds your clit and starts torturing you even more. âDonât believe me?âÂ
You groan. You do. You just know. Heâs been sent by the gods at this point and youâre sure you wonât find flaws in him anytime soon, but you canât. You canât stay the night. You canât let him get so deep into your skin so soon.Â
âCome,â he urges you, âdonât hold back.âÂ
Your jaw tenses before going slack when he flicks your clit just right, triggering your orgasm. Itâs intense, running into you from head to toe with so much force that you have to slap your hand on your mouth to avoid waking Mark up. You think Haechanâs close too, you can hear how his moans got lighter and whinier, but once again, he surprises you.Â
You donât have time to complain when Haechan pulls away, leaving you empty. He turns you around, lightly slapping your asscheek to order you to get on your knees while your shoulders stay flat on the mattress, you wouldnât have the strength to stand on your arm even if you wanted to.Â
âWant one more?â He asks against your ear, teasing his tip against your soaked entrance and brushing it against your throbbing clit in quick motions.Â
You hum, nodding against the pillow, âPlease, please, fuck me again.â
You almost feel the smirk against your face before he fills you once more, stretching your sensitive pussy, making more of your cum drip out of you.Â
Your eyes fall shout, a raspy, low moan slips out of your lips, this position is making you feel him even more as the first orgasm has enhanced your senses. You feel like a puddle under him.Â
âYou feel so good, baby,â he groans, throwing his head back as he picks up the rhythm of before, holding onto your hips so tightly his nails sink into your skin, making you hiss in pleasure. âSo warm and wet for me.âÂ
You hide your head between the pillows, biting back the moans, wondering why Mark didnât push down the door already because thereâs no way heâs not hearing all of this. But for some reason, the idea of him listening turns you on even more.Â
And itâs like Haechan gets it. He leans back against you, brushing your hair away so his lips can be right against your earlobe. âWhat are you thinking, babe?âÂ
âMa-mark,â you slur through ragged breaths, ânot him, not like,â the words die in your throat, afraid he might misunderstand, âwhat if he knows?âÂ
Haechanâs laugh hits you straight to the core, itâs deep and mocking, and you clench harder around him. âOh, honey,â he whispers, and his voice feels like honey, thick and velvety, âI think he knows.âÂ
You shake your head, trying to convince yourself he might be a heavy sleeper, but your body is following another direction, feeling excited just at the idea, so you push your ass up.Â
âYou canât keep quiet, youâre so fucking loud itâs like you want to get caught,â he taunts, smacking the side of your thighs, smirking when your muscles tense in response. âWant him to know Iâm making you feel this good?âÂ
You deny with a movement of your head, but words fail to come out because you feel on the edge again and you donât know how much longer you can last.Â
Haechan clicks his tongue and then presses his chest against your back. âLetâs see if this can keep you quiet.â The last thing you expect are his fingers pushed into your mouth, but after the first surprise, you donât even complain. Your mouth wraps around his three digits and you start to suck on them eagerly, receiving a moan of approval from him. âFuck, youâre so fucking hot.â He knows he wonât last when your eyes flutter at the compliment and you start sucking on them even harder, he can only think about you taking his cock instead.Â
âFuck, fuck,â he mumbles, as the images in his fantasy and the one in front of his eyes start having the best on him, hips starting to lose control, âIâm close.âÂ
You start fucking back into him, and thatâs the last thing he needs to come. His moans are higher, and when you turn your head to the side you see his trying to hold them in, biting his lips and gripping your hips tighter with the hand that is not in your mouth.Â
The sight of him losing his mind is enough to make you lose yours. Youâre in ecstasy as your orgasm pervades your body.Â
âShit,â Haechan growls one last time, his fingers slip out of your mouth and he pulls out of you before heâd like to, squirting some of his cum on your ass and thighs. âOh, shit, Iâm sorry.âÂ
You barely realize what heâs talking about, but honestly, you donât care. For what youâre concerned, after the fuck you had, he couldâve come all over you and you wouldnât have minded.
âItâs fine,â you breathe out. Your eyes fall shut as you focus on your erratic breath, feeling him slump next to you without any other words.Â
âAre you okay? Was it too much?â He asks, and at first, you think heâs bragging but when your eyes meet, you realize heâs being genuine. So you nod and beam at him as the only reply you can give him at the moment.Â
You lie in silence for a bit, your bodies are not touching and you can only feel his heavy breath calm down with yours as you both wait for your body to cool down again. You donât wait to be fully recovered to stand up and slip out of the covers, too afraid that sleep will take over you and block you at his side.Â
âWhat are you doing?â He questions, staring at you with an arm under his head.Â
âPutting my clothes back on,â you reply with a lift of shoulders as if that wasnât obvious. You try to search for a bin where you can throw the tissues you used to clean yourself but you canât find any, so you remind yourself to search in the kitchen before leaving. Â
âYou can wear something mine.âÂ
âI would have to hand it back next time we see each other, I can survive in this a bit longer.âÂ
âYouâre sleeping with those clothes?â Confusion blooms on his face as he watches your shaky hands struggle with the zip.Â
âNo, Iâll change myself into my nightgown.âÂ
A frown almost connects his brows before he voices out his doubts, âI donât have it here.âÂ
âIâm leaving,â you say with a hint of annoyance, he thought you were sleeping there, really?Â
âLeaving? You can stay.âÂ
You donât answer immediately, grabbing your phone to book a ride home, and then reply while shoving the phone in your bag. âNo, thanks.âÂ
âDo I have to drive you home?âÂ
âNo, Iâve already called a Uber.âÂ
You see Haechanâs mouth move but nothing comes out and he only stretches his limbs. âI think that might take a while to arrive, though. Itâs cold outside.âÂ
âItâs spring,â you say, walking to the mirror on wobbly legs to make sure you look decent, fixing your air and clothes.Â
âItâs still cold. At least wait in the living room,â he proposes, now sitting on the mattress as he doesnât take his eyes off of you.Â
âIâll be fine,â you smile, turning around, and holding your bag on your shoulder. âI survived walking in a wood at night when I was fifteen, I can survive waiting under your buildingâs porch.âÂ
âYouâre always so â so,â he sighs, shaking his head, giving up finding an adjective to describe you.Â
You chuckle, âAlways? And you donât know me yet.âÂ
âIt sounds like a threat,â he says, running his fingers through his hair.Â
You open the door, and take a step outside, only showing him your face as you wink, âOh, it is.âÂ
Probably there was some magic in the air â the polluted air of the city made some kind of magic happen â but from then on, Haechan stopped holding back. He wasnât shy when he texted you âhouse empty, wanna come over?â leaving no doubts about what was going to happen if you said yes. You found it funny how he treated Mark like his parents, especially after you were sure he heard you fuck that night, but of course, you said yes.Â
pathetic loser dinner at that trashy fast food place with the arcade and then dessert at my placeđÂ
And you said yes.Â
pathetic loser iâm busy this friday but marksâs out saturday so we have the whole day to ourselvesÂ
And you said yes. p.s: he made you come like ten times, so it was worth it.Â
pathetic loser wanna skip the group hang out and fuck around?Â
And you said yes.Â
You kept saying yes until you also started asking, and he obviously didnât decline. It flowed and usually, you didnât like to leave things unnamed, but you were terrified that if you asked, âwhat are we?â he wouldâve run away scared or, worse, confessed with his big brown eyes and that fucking glint they had inside.Â
You didnât need him anyway to know what you were. Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, sex partners, or any other name you want to give it, you were that. Nothing more and nothing less.Â
It still wasnât your typical thing. You two never sat down and discussed anything, your dear boundaries were nowhere to be found, or better, they existed, somehow he respected them, but you never said them out loud. Not that it was hard to get them, when you never invited him home, never leaned in for a kiss, and never stayed over, he knew your limits and that he had to respect them.Â
So, everything worked perfectly fine.Â
Until your rules started to be broken one by one before you could even notice, or better, before you could care to fix all the changes that were happening in your life because of Haechan.Â
pathetic loser hey
me and the boys are going on a trip to the coast this weekendÂ
wanna come along?Â
you who are the boys?Â
pathetic loser yes, johnny is comingÂ
You roll your eyes at the screen before tapping a reply.
you didnât ask that : /Â
but yes, need some time offÂ
you will pick me up, right?Â
pathetic loser youâre so pretentious
donât you think i should propose to you to come pick you up like a gentleman?Â
you fine gentleman, pick me up at my place, see you this friday!Â
pathetic loser i canât stand youÂ
Itâs Johnnyâs fault. Itâs his house on the coast, his parentsâ, to be precise. Itâs his fault if right now you have Haechan so close and canât make a move because whatever is going on between you two is a secret.Â
Youâre still not sure why it wasnât Johnny the one to invite you there, you wonder if maybe Haechan slipped and confessed to him that something is going on between you, but youâre sure that Johnny wouldâve already bragged to you about how he made the âperfect matchâ or how it was thanks to him you were finally getting laid, surely after screaming at you because âwe never keep things a secret from each otherâ.Â
Youâre brought out of your thoughts when a ball hits you and you lift your head to see Mark running to you, mumbling apologies as if he had stabbed you.Â
âIâm fine, itâs just a ball,â you smile to reassure him and lift a hand to cover your eyes because the sun is annoying you. Unfortunately, the sun is not blinding you enough for your wishes because you can perfectly see Haechan playing volleyball a few meters in front of you. Youâre sitting on the sand, a sundress on you, while the others left you to play. You werenât in the mood, too busy letting your thoughts get the best of you, a mix of lewd images of what you wouldâve done to the man you couldnât drift your eyes from and sadness looming over your head like a cartoon cloud.Â
âHey, want something to drink?â Youâre still so caught up that you donât realize Haechan is talking to you. His blouse is big and covers his body, only leaving his arms exposed and a small portion of his chest â he doesnât like to show much of his body â and you get lost in his sun-kissed skin another time, but when he calls your name, you shake your head and cough, trying to play it cool.Â
âYes, what?âÂ
âWeâre grabbing something to drink, want some?âÂ
âOh, yeah, some tea.âÂ
âGot it,â he says as if heâs accepting a commend and waves you goodbye before running to the others and you follow him with your gaze until he gets out of your line of view.Â
You sigh, fanning yourself because even if luckily today the weather is not too hot, you still canât stand the heat sticking to your skin. Youâve pondered before about jumping in the sea and freshening up, but if just seeing the others having fun had brought back too many â painful â memories, youâre not so sure you can take having âfunâ in person. Â
âHereâs your tea,â Haechan says after a while with a bottle in hand, once again pulling you out of the tornado of melancholia that was drowning you.Â
You smile, lifting your head and grabbing the drink from his hand. âPeach? How do you know itâs my favorite?âÂ
âYou told me,â he replies, sitting next to you, a bit too close, but you donât scoot over, you like the way your legs brush against each other and also the fact he decided to sit with you and not with your group of friends near the volleyball net.Â
âDid I? When?âÂ
Haechan laughs at the surprised expression that creates a cute, small crease on your forehead and says, âthe few times we had a serious conversation that didnât include dirty talking?âÂ
You roll your eyes, open the lid and take a sip of the cold liquid, immediately feeling better. âYou make it sound as if we donât hang out normally.âÂ
âWe do,â he replies but itâs like heâs not done, as if thereâs something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, âbut you never say anything about yourself.âÂ
You chuckle nervously, fingers fidgeting with the cap of the bottle. âWhatâs to know about me?âÂ
âEverything. Youâre a secret.âÂ
You can hear the bittersweetness in his tone, and if youâd stare for a second more, you would also catch it in his eyes, but you dismiss him and the things heâs silently telling you with his body. You sneer under your breath and shake your shoulders before words roll from your mouth. âSecrets are exciting.âÂ
He nods, pressing his lips in a thin line to hold in a groan of disagreement. âWhen you know them and you have to keep them away from the rest of the world.âÂ
âYou want to keep me away?â You joke tenderly, meeting his brown eyes, even warmer and more welcoming now that the sunlight is reflecting in them.Â
He laughs, shaking his head. This time heâs the one diverting his gaze, the next words that are about to come out sound too vulnerable in his head and he doesnât want to imagine how heavy they will sound out loud. âIâm just saying, I would keep some things of you only for me to know.âÂ
You hum, nodding while staring at the sand, showing nonchalance even if thereâs a circus in your stomach. Maybe you can give him something without breaking another one of your rules, but you soon realize that he already knows the small things about you that you told him to get to know each other. He knows where you work, he knows you have a brother, and you know he has two and a sister. He knows you once found a grass snake in a park and took it home because you wanted a snake pet and your father almost threw you outside (affectionately, no kids or animals were hurt, you just had to give it back to nature). He knows your birthday and your favorite color. Isnât that enough?Â
âThereâs nothing to know about me.âÂ
âOh, yeah, youâre boring, arenât you?â He mocks with sarcasm and his head falls back in annoyance. âYou donât strike as the bland type of person so try again.âÂ
âI just donât get what you want to know. Ask me questions and Iâll answer.â And Iâll lie, thatâs what you truly think.Â
But Haechan shakes his head, gulping down another mouthful of water. âNevermind, you donât get it.âÂ
No, you donât get it, or maybe youâre pretending not to get it, that he wants to know you. He wants to learn by watching, by studying you, but you always slip away, you donât let him close. He doesnât care about questions, this is not a quiz for him, but maybe thatâs the fun of you. He has to work extra hard. And he will.
 âItâs pretty here.â Haechanâs voice fills the night air, itâs chilly outside, and youâre sitting on the small sofa under the porch. Thereâs nobody but the two of you at home, the others decided to go out and visit the small coastal town at night, but you were too tired to drag your feet any longer, and honestly, you thought you were all alone.
You hum, moving to the side to leave him some space next to you. âWe used to come here during summer,â you let out, and itâs impossible to control the smile on your face when you remember your childhood with your and Johnnyâs family. âI always sat here at night, I liked the quiet of the beach and the lights of the towns of the coast. My brother didnât get it,â you chuckle, shaking your head, âhe was too busy playing with Johnny. Even when they stopped being best friends, it was like something shifted in summer. Something about this place feelsâŠÂ different.âÂ
Haechan smiles, heâs not staring at the view, his eyes are locked on you. He thinks that you are different here. He canât say you two arenât close, but itâs clear you never let him too close, and heâd like to know why. He knows exactly where your relationship stands, itâs just sex, and heâs fine like this, really, but he wonders if you only do it to protect your heart from unwanted inconveniences or if you donât trust him enough to let him in. He often thought about prying it with Johnny, but he knows that as soon as your name will slip out of his lips, Johnny will twist everything, and probably that would drift you even further from him. You never had a conversation but itâs clear you both want to keep this between you.Â
âIt feels like the world stops here,â he says instead to donât let the conversation die before moving his gaze away, hearing you hum an affirmative response.Â
It really feels like time has stopped, and thereâs undefined electricity running between you, itâs the same as always and itâs different at the same time.Â
âJohnny didnât tell me about this,â you breathe out; you know it could end in a catastrophe, but you need answers. âDid he ask you to invite me, or did you do it?âÂ
Haechan doesnât answer right away, you see him gulp and you fear the worst. There it is, the confession you donât need, you donât want it, because he is the best sex you ever had, nobody ever made you feel like that, he completely unplugs your brain and for a few hours, you can leave all your problems at the door, and also because after all, heâs a good friend, and love would screw this all up.Â
âHe told me I could invite some other of our friends,â he replies, âand I asked about you, and he told me I could ask. He was going to invite you, but I did it first,â he explains, playing with a loose string of his shorts that are barely covering his thighs. âWhy?âÂ
You shrug, itâs the only thing you can do, a breath of relief would be too obvious. âNothing, I was just wondering. Usually, he organizes these things with me.âÂ
âOh,â he whispers, âI think that initially it was supposed to be a boysâ thing only, then Mark brought up Minjeong and here we are.âÂ
You know he doesnât mean it that way, but that âhere we areâ makes shivers run down your spine. Because here you are. This is the closest thing to breaking rule number 3 and 4 and so many others. Itâs just the two of you, watching the sunset while the sea plays its melody just for you to listen. This is romantic. Heâs not fucking you shamelessly under the porch where everyone can see. You are laughing together, passing a bottle of soju, and sharing touches that feel too intimate. You canât break any more rules.Â
âI was thinking â oh, shit,â Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. âWow, fuck, needy tonight?âÂ
You donât reply, your lips move down to bite his neck while your hips start grinding on him.Â
âCalm down, damn, Iâm not going anywhere,â he chuckles, wrapping his hands on your waist now that the shock is gone, âand donât mark me, you donât want the others to find out, right?âÂ
No, you donât. Or maybe you do, maybe itâs time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel youâre going down a slippery slope and you donât like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you canât, deep down, you donât want to.Â
âItâs only been a week,â Haechan mumbles through the kiss. âYouâre so needy.âÂ
âCan you just shut up?â You argue, pressing your hips down on him, smirking when you feel his dick start to press up against you. âSo, you do want me.âÂ
He snorts, âOf course, I do. I wasnât rejecting, I was just pointing out â fuck,â he whimpers breathlessly when you bite his lips and his nails dig in the exposed skin of your back, your crop top leaving so much bare.Â
âWant you,â you say as if you have to make it any more obvious.Â
âItâs a bit too public, donât you think so?âÂ
You shake your head, moving a hand between your bodies to open the button of your shorts but he stops you again, forcing your hands behind your back, catching you by surprise.Â
âIâd love to fuck you right here, in front of the sea and the sunset, but if one of our friends comes back before time, weâre fucked with no way out, so⊠can we take it inside?âÂ
You nod, mumbling a faint positive answer, thinking of getting up and running upstairs, but Haechan has no intention of breaking the contact. He lifts you up after freeing your hands so you can secure them around his neck and then pushes the front door open.Â
âLetâs give it a turn of keys,â he says, twisting the keys in the lock so youâll have extra time if by the time theyâll come back you wonât be done. You wait patiently, enjoying the way it feels to be in his arms, and let him carry you on the second floor where the bedroom you share is. Was it a great thing or a curse, you still canât tell, but for now it seems like a good thing.Â
When you cross the doorframe, the clothes are on the floor in less than a minute and your bodies are already tangled in the bedsheets, hands running on each other with eager and soft whimpers filling those four walls.Â
You donât keep track of how long you spend kissing â or eating each other â but youâre sure a few minutes pass by of you just grinding against each other while your tongues and lips meet in a mess.Â
âFuck,â Haechan whispers, his hot breath puffing against your warm, wet, now plumper, lips. âComâere.â He lays on the bed, patting the space next to his face and you stare at him with confused eyes. He sighs, âOn my face, honey. On my face.âÂ
âOh.âÂ
He quirks a brow. âYou were so eager before, what happened?âÂ
You shake your head, moving closer to him, planting your knees at the sides of his chest. âI was, I mean, I am, I want you.âÂ
âSo? On my face.âÂ
âI â I donâtâŠâÂ
Haechanâs eyes roll back and a heavy annoyed groan comes out of his mouth, âOh God, donât tell me your ex never done that?â
âHyuck, he would rarely eat me out while I was laying, do you think he would make me sit on his face?âÂ
âAsshole.â Â
âHaechan!âÂ
âHeâs an asshole, you know it! But Iâm not, so come here and sit on your throne.âÂ
âYou didnât just call your face my throne?â Your tone is a mix of annoyance and incredulity, but you actually found that too hot to handle.Â
âI very much did. And now, do I have to drag you or will you fucking sit?âÂ
You gulp, nodding swiftly, but your legs are slower at moving next to his face and he doesnât like your hesitation. You yelp when his hands grab your ass and your thigh and pull you right where he wanted you.Â
âWas it that hard?â He asks teasingly, almost growling so close to your skin, before winking at your flustered face.Â
The sight of him under you, and his breath colliding with your pussy, make your knees tremble already. âNo â no.âÂ
âGood. But you still didnât listen,â he says sternly.
âI did, Iâm on your face,â you defend.Â
âAre you sitting?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âWhat are you waiting for? Do I have to do everything tonight?â His tone is getting lower, and the edge of anger in it causes your pussy to clench around nothing.Â
âBut I will⊠I will break your neck.âÂ
âAnd I will die like a man,â he insists, challenging you with a glare.
âNo, itâs ââÂ
His mad, animalistic, growl on your pussy when he forcefully slams you on him makes you choke on a moan and throw your head back while your hands automatically grab the headboard to hold onto something. Haechan tends to always be messy when he eats you out, he never does things you donât like, but he has to make sure you know heâs enjoying it, so heâs always a bit messier and louder than he has to be. But this time heâs taking his everything to let you know how badly he wants you. His fingers are planted on your skin, his nose is pressing right against your clit while his tongue moves to leave kitten licks that quickly turn into open-mouthed kisses.Â
âFuck,â you moan, hands clenching tight around the bar, and head falling down to see him. His eyes are closed and heâs having the time of his life as he sucks at your clit and lips with eagerness.Â
âYouâre so hot from here,â he mumbles, stopping only for a second to catch his breath before he resumes his movements. His pink muscle moves down, teasing your entrance, slurping up the juices that are dripping out of you, and when your thighs clench around his head in response, he groans gutturally.
You think you hurt him and try to pull up, but he forces you down with strength.Â
âDonât fucking move,â he growls, glaring at you, and you can only hum in reply, feeling your body melt under his skilled movements.Â
When Haechanâs lips dare to move down on your sensitive rim, you jolt, but heâs fast at keeping you in place, his hands on your thighs as he presses them down and sends you a daring glare.Â
âHae â I donât thinkâŠâÂ
âYeah, exactly, donât think,â he snarls, the movements on you getting sloppier and louder, making you start to grind against him unconsciously.Â
Moans choke you up as he explores new things with you, sending you into a new dimension. You canât fully comprehend youâre sitting on top of his face while he messily eats out your pussy and your ass. You canât believe heâs moaning under you, holding you tight, one hand busy touching your ass while the other wonders on your upper chest caressing your waist and your boobs.Â
You feel high and drunk on him. So much you can barely mutter a warning before you come, shaking on top of him, your movements are frenetic as you reach your peak while cries of his name slur out of your mouth with low moans. A tear almost slips from your eyes when Haechan doesnât stop right away and keeps stimulating your sensitive spots, itâs too much and you collapse on the other side, trying to catch your breath.Â
Haechan chuckles, licking up your juices before rubbing his nose against your neck. âFuck, Iâd eat you out for days,â he comments, rubbing his hands on your stomach. âYouâre so pretty when you moan and squirm, whether on top of me or under, and you taste so good.âÂ
âYou never let me pay you back.âÂ
He giggles, kissing you, âyou donât have to.âÂ
âBut maybe I want to,â you pout. You canât deny that you live for how much Haechan loves giving you oral, but you enjoy sucking him off just as much. You love how he lets you have control, how husky and warm his moans are, and you love when his hands weakly wrap around your hair⊠well, he only let you do it once but you had the time of your life and that never happened when you went down with your ex soâŠÂ
âHave you ever tried anal?â He asks out of nowhere, surprising you.Â
âWith someone? No. By myself⊠maybeâŠâÂ
He raises a brow while a smirk curls his lips. âMaybe? What kind of answer is that?âÂ
âI did,â you confess, feeling shy all of a sudden. Â
âUh,â he coos, poking your side playfully, âhad fun?âÂ
You lick your lips, shrugging. âFine, I did. I think I like it, but it might be different with, you know, a real person.âÂ
âWould you try?â He asks timidly, looking at you with puppy eyes. As if he has to beg to make you do something, as if he doesnât know you would try anything with him.Â
âYeah, why not.â
âGood, fuck,â he kisses you after letting out the breath he was holding in. âWanna fuck your ass,â he whispers against your neck, but you can feel the ear-to-ear smile on his face, âwanna be your first time.âÂ
Youâd dwell on how cheesy that sounds a bit more if only it wasnât for his hands groping your ass and squeezing hard while he ruts against your thigh like a pup in heat.Â
âYouâre pathetic,â you mock playfully, tugging his hair back, eliciting a broken moan from him. Â
âAnd youâre hot,â he breathes out, moving on top of you to shush you with a kiss while his right arm falls under the bed to search for something. âBeen thinking about this all day. You looked so pretty in that short white dress.âÂ
A small smile paints on your face, but it drops when he keeps rummaging in his bag next to the bag. âCanât you get up to get, I guess, the lube?âÂ
âNo,â he almost growls. âWant you.âÂ
âIâm not going anywhere, come on, need you to fuck me.âÂ
âYouâre so impatient,â he groans, âbut I got it!â He lifts his hand, showing you the small bottle of lube and you snicker at his proud smile.Â
âYouâre such a loser, youâre lucky youâre with me because anybody else wouldâve been out of the door by now.âÂ
âAnd they would lose the best dick of their life, so, dumb decision,â Haechan says before his lips crash on yours again. âAnd youâre not that dumb, right?âÂ
You shake your head, already feeling your breathing get shorter when his lube-covered fingers start playing with your rim.Â
âYou looked so, so fucking hot in that short sundress, fuck,â he moans, pulling away to sit between your legs, he pushes a finger inside and you bite back a moan. âWanted to press you against the handrail and fuck you right there on the restaurant balcony.âÂ
Your head rolls back, thinking of that afternoon. The tension between you could be cut with a knife, and there was something thrilling about the way you couldnât keep your eyes â and hands â off each other and still had to keep it a secret.Â
âYou shouldâve,â you breathe out, choking on your words when he starts fucking you with another finger, curling them inside and stretching you to get your hole ready for him.Â
âYeah? You wouldâve liked it?â
You nod, staring into his eyes with a teasing glare. âMaybe I shouldâve sat on top of you,â you stop to swallow, eyes squeezing when he brushes his thumb on your dripping pussy and starts teasing it, âon your lap and tried to â to keep it cool.â
He smirks, tilting his head before he pulls his fingers out. âI think youâre ready for me. You always are, right?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
You are, but when his thick cock pushes into you it still takes your breath away. Your fingers and your little purple toy canât compare to him, they donât fill you like this, and they donât feel so good.Â
âThatâs it, baby,â he whispers, rubbing his thumb on your waist in circular motions, âtaking me all like a good girl.âÂ
You bite back a groan and throw your head back, breathing deeper and longer before you reach his hand and beg him to move.Â
Haechan sneakers, âonly if you keep telling me your little fantasy.âÂ
âI â I donât think I can,â you confess; heâs barely moving into you, only making circular motions brushing against your sensitive spot, and you already feel weak.Â
âIâm sure you can,â he smiles, âI didnât fuck you dumb, yet.âÂ
Your holes clench at his words and you gather your sanity to keep talking. âSitting on your lap, trying to â trying not to fuck up and down on your dick,â you force out when he keeps his promise and starts moving in and out, gripping your hips tight to angle you just how he knows you like it best.Â
âYou think you can resist it? Stay on my dick without moving?âÂ
âYe-yes.âÂ
He laughs, throwing his head back as he starts snapping his hips faster. âYouâre so confident, baby. I would love to see it all fall down.â
âBut if I did, they would find out.âÂ
âYeah, and think about it, Iâd bend you over the table while everyone watches you get fucked dumb. Would you say no?âÂ
You nod, failing to give him a stronger verbal answer. Â
âLiar,â he spits out, grabbing your thighs to push them up. âEvery time I fuck you with Mark in the other room you moan even louder.âÂ
âThatâs not true.âÂ
âOh, no?â He tsks, cupping your cheeks. âHoney, you love putting on shows. Or is it just for me?âÂ
âFor you,â you confess, voice muffled by the pression heâs applying on your face.
The smirk that curls his lips is smug and cocky. âThat little dress was for me?âÂ
You nod and his smile grows bigger before it turns into a pout.
âI didnât get to take it off.âÂ
âYou were supposed to â fuck â to fuck me in it,â you mumble, catching your breath when his hold on you loosens.Â
âNext time,â he groans, âor maybe tomorrow.âÂ
You donât reply, only cry out louder when you come unexpectedly, taking you both by surprise.Â
âIâm â Iâm sorry, it â shit â it felt too good, I,â you donât truly know how to justify yourself because you donât know why youâre so sensitive tonight.Â
âShut up,â Haechan stops you with a kiss, âI know you canât help it when youâre with me.âÂ
âYouâre so fucking annoying,â you retort, rolling your eyes.Â
âBut you love it,â he smirks. âCome here.â He pulls out of you, slapping your thigh as he orders you to sit up. âWant me to fuck you hard?â
You nod, crawling to him at the end of the bed on your own, cupping his face to pull him in a rough kiss as your fingers slip in his hair, and his hands reach your asscheeks, shamelessly parting them before he spanks you hard.Â
âCan you take it?â He asks against your lips, rubbing his thumb against your jaw before he brushes it on your open mouth, staring into your eyes.Â
âYe-yes,â you say but your voice is shaking. When his hand wraps around your neck to tease a kiss that he never gives you, you frown, and he snorts.Â
âYouâre so cute, you know?â His patronizing tone makes more wetness drool down your thighs but you still find the strength to push his buttons.Â
âAnd youâre hard, you didnât come once, yet. Shouldnât you fix this?âÂ
He doesnât reply, he pushes you onto the bed, making you face the only mirror in the room, itâs not extremely close to the bed but youâre sure it will do for whatever he has in mind.
âI think youâre so pretty when I touch you, kiss you, tease you,â he whispers against your ear, âfuck you,â he fucks into you without warning, and you gasp, âitâs a shame you donât get to see it. To watch your pride slip out of you every time that Iâm inside you.âÂ
Your head rolls down when he starts fucking into you faster than before but he shakes his head, clicks his tongue, and pushes you up with a tug on the makeshift ponytail. âYouâre not running away from me, babe,â he says. âYou might not let me into your true self but I have you turned inside out when youâre under me.âÂ
You blink your eyes, staring at him through the mirror, feeling small because you feel like you canât keep up with his gaze. Haechan has control, he does have you in the palm of your hand, now, only when he fucks you, and you canât care to mind.Â
You want him to fuck you until thereâs nothing more in your brain. You want him to know all the small things that make you feel good. Because nobody before him even wanted to know them, to own you like this, and you donât want him to stop.Â
âLook at you,â he whispers, biting your earlobe, âis it so terrible to not have everything under control?â You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if heâs mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. âYou donât have to worry about anything.âÂ
âWith you,â you cry out, shaking a tear away and gritting your teeth when he hits you deeper and you feel your body on fire again.
âYes, with me,â he says. âYou donât have to think about anything when youâre with me. Iâve got you.âÂ
You almost scream because you hate how much comfort you feel at his words, they donât sound sexual, not even now that his rutting into you at a fast speed, fucking your ass with so much force that the bed is squeaking and the slaps of your skin against each other fill the room. Even now, something about him makes you feel in the right safe place and youâre not sure this is how youâre supposed to feel while being railed by your friend with benefits.Â
You shake your head, forcing your eyes open as you stare at him in the mirror. âHarder,â you whisper, sinking your nails in the crumpled sheets under you.Â
âHarder?â He mocks. âAre you sure?âÂ
You nod, pushing your ass up, trying to provoke him into giving you more.Â
âIf you say so.â His hand moves hesitantly on your neck, he doesnât apply pressure, he just keeps you in his hold as he fucks into you with rhythmic, deep, and breath-taking thrusts. A low grunt escapes from his lips when your eyes roll back for a moment and you start to be more vocal, mouth staying parted and chest rising swiftly as you gasp for air.Â
You are a vision. And he could get lost in that.Â
âYou â fuck â feel like heaven, baby,â he groans, âand look so pretty with no thoughts in your brain.â His voice hits right beside your ear and sends shivers down your spine, the eye contact through the reflecting surface makes you melt, tighten the knot in your stomach and almost come on the spot.Â
Haechan chuckles, kissing your cheeks in a mockingly delicate motion. âWere you about to come again, honey?âÂ
You shake your head, lying blatantly because you know that if you give it to him, he wonât shut up. But he knows you were.
âYes, you were,â he taunts with a sharp laugh. âWhat did I say about holding it back?âÂ
âBut I â I canât, fuck,â you cry out. âToo much, canât take another one.âÂ
âYes, you can,â he orders. âCome for me, and then Iâll show you, youâll come again.âÂ
The last thing you want to do is listen to him but heâs a sneaky piece of shit that knows you too well, and when two fingers rub against your clit and two others pass from your neck to your mouth, forcing you to suck them, your orgasm explode before you can even try to fight it.Â
âI fucking â ugh â hate you,â you cry out, still shaking from the pleasure, writhing under him, shaking your head when he cleans his fingers on your chin.Â
âThe mess on your face is nothing compared to the mess between your legs. You know, right?âÂ
Yes, you do. You can feel your pussy drip an embarrassing amount of cum, and you know how much your hole is clenching around him. But itâs not your fault.Â
The sounds that come from his mouth are pure condescending mockery as he smirks down at you. âCanât answer me anymore?âÂ
Youâre about to open your mouth but he shuts you up with an open hand on it. âI donât want to hear you. I donât need to hear you to know youâre going dumb on my cock.âÂ
You muffle something but itâs in vain, and his eyes glint when you give up in two seconds.Â
âYouâre right,â he groans, âsomething is different about this place. You never let me have so much â fuck â so much control over you. You never let me fuck you this good, like you deserve.â
Youâd like to complain. Because if he thinks that your past fucks werenât this good, heâs dead wrong. But when your eyes lock, you get heâs still talking about something else. Itâs not about the sex or the many orgasms, itâs about you. You didnât talk back, you didnât roll your eyes when he called you âprettyâ or âbeautifulâ, and youâre not running away even if heâs all over you. You get lost in his bites and kisses on your shoulders, on his hands on your skin, and his words filling your brain.Â
âWouldnât fuck you in front of the others,â Haechan grunts. Heâs picking a brutal pace and you feel like you could break, but moans are still coming out of your mouth, hoarse and needy. âThey donât deserve to see you like this,â he groans, slipping a hand under you, reaching your clit, and making you yelp. âThis is only for me. This is mine to see.âÂ
Your eyes roll back. The possessiveness in his voice shouldnât make you feel things, but it does, it gets your inside to twist and your heart to race and your cunt to clench around nothing even more. You feel like your chest could explode when he keeps repeating that youâre his and his only and you can tease everybody else as long as you want but no one will ever make you feel like he does. His pace on your clit speeds up, while his head falls in the crook of your neck, and then his hips still, the orgasm hits you at the same time and your bodies freeze as the pleasure buzzes through your bones, his hand falls from your mouth and you gasp for air while he collapses on top of you.Â
You start breathing in synch, and you enjoy the sensation of his chest on your back, but that doesnât last long. Heâd love to stay there some more, but your friends might come back in minutes now, and he truly doesnât want anyone else to even get a glimpse of you like this. So he rolls to the side, turning his head to stare at you while he dares to caress your back with his hand. You never let him do it, he had tried, he thought aftercare was essential and that after everything he put you through you deserved more than just a simple âare you okay?â followed by your positive answer before you slipped to run back home or if he was lucky only in the bathroom before you came back to sleep next to him, as far as possible.Â
But this time you donât glare at him, and you donât move away, you move closer, not much, but for you is a lot, and you keep your eyes closed while your left hand searches for his body shily, you donât touch him, itâs just a brush of your fingers against his stomach, but it makes his heart jump in his throat.Â
âI thinkâŠâ he whispers, stopping when your eyes flutter open, terrified he ruined something, but you donât talk, âI think we should shower, so we can be asleep when they come home.âÂ
You smile, stretching and covering your mouth when you yawn. âIf you carry me,â you mumble. âI canât walk.âÂ
He chuckles and then sits up. âItâs my fault so, yeah, Iâll carry you.âÂ
Nothing changes after that small summer trip. You go back and start being stressed once again and the only relief you have is Haechan. Some days are so stressful that you beg for him to come pick you up at work so you can eat something outside and then head back to his apartment to fuck.Â
Yeah, to fuck.Â
That is always the original plan, the only thing you need him for. You feel bad for some time treating him like a living dildo, but isnât it what you two are for each other? You know thereâs respect, and care, not love, never love, but other than being friends, when you meet up alone thereâs just sex.Â
Thatâs what itâs supposed to be.Â
But then those things turn into⊠something else. You think it started one night when you came to his place but couldnât jump on each other because he got a phone call he couldnât decline, and you had to sit on the couch. You couldâve been a tease and started masturbating in front of him but that thought didnât even cross your mind. You sat there, grabbing the remote to turn on the tv, hoping to catch something to keep you entertained, and you did. It was one of your favorite movies and when Haechan ended the call and sat next to you, you both had forgotten why you were there.Â
Just like right now. Itâs a Friday night and you came to his place to spend an evening together. No, you didnât break any rules, itâs just a simple movie night. After you found out you both have an interest in films you couldnât stop thinking about it, so it was an excuse to watch and discuss some movies together.Â
âHi,â Haechan opens the door, and he looks wrecked. You panic seeing him because it looks like he fought with a bear with bare hands, heâs sweating, and his hair is a mess, and your heart clenches in your chest⊠is he fucking â âI cooked.âÂ
Oh, he cooked.Â
That made perfect sense, but it doesnât make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up. You mentally slap yourself and smile as big as you can before making your way in. Suddenly regretting that you canât slam him against the couch and ride him until you both pass out.Â
âLast time chips hurt your stomach, so I made fries, and some small pizzas,â he exclaims, disappearing in the kitchen before showing up again with his hands full. âI hope you like this.â Haechan almost passes out when he sees the smile on your face, itâs so big and he swears he never saw you smile like that, but the moment of happiness doesnât last because that smile disappears after your thanks.Â
Itâs another mental slap to yourself and your heart for beating so damn hard. Itâs just snacks, anybody would have done that, right? Except you know damn well itâs not true. Your ex never cared about the few things your stomach hated and kept you up at night. Sometimes even Johnny forgot you couldnât eat chips for God knows whatever reason. And it is annoying to fry and turn on the oven when he couldâve just opened a bag and eaten.Â
Haechan is a good person. You justify. He is. You know it. Heâs kind, good with kids, doesnât know how to cook but he tries (for you), and when you tell him something makes you uncomfortable, he always tries to fix it as soon as he can, heâs perfâ
âWe should eat before it gets cold, then,â you almost scream, scaring him because you were dead silent in your thoughts for too long.Â
And Haechan thinks he will never get you. But itâs fine like this. You are to discover, and he likes it. Itâs thrilling, and every small step deeper into you feels like the biggest of the rewards. But he wonders when, and if, he will ever reach your core.Â
For now, itâs fine like this, as you sit on the couch with the food in front of you and the movie you picked starts playing on the screen.Â
After those movie nights, you should leave. You never set them too late for that reason, so you can drive back home before midnight. Itâs easy to do, youâre just a bit tired but your legs are not shaking post-orgasm, your heart is not jumping out of your ribcage and youâre not leaking cum.Â
It is easy.Â
Yet, you stop doing it.Â
âWhy donât you stay?âÂ
You should leave. Just like you did that one time he woke up with you and asked you to stay for breakfast. You were late. And right now, you canât be late, but tomorrow you need to be home before nine because you have something important to do. Itâs an easy lie to tell, he doesnât know anything about you anyway.Â
âI donât know,â you whisper and Haechan looks taken aback. Of course, he is, thatâs not a typical response of you. You wouldâve screamed something at him, acting like a dog when someone crosses its personal space, barking left and right (not the nicest comparison he had told you â yes, he did â but you couldnât get mad cause he was right). âI donât have a toothbrush or my towels.âÂ
You realize that you broke another rule when Haechan stares at you with wide eyes and mouth agape. Thatâs the reason why you canât stay. And the way those words came out of your mouth shows that youâre almost â he learned he has to be careful with you â sad for it.Â
âI have a spare one,â he says before you can go back to your true self, âit can be yours.âÂ
That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, youâre reminded of all the lines youâve crossed. You didnât bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesnât keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there. Â
You know it doesnât, it feels weird, romantic, and domestic, and fuck it, you never left any of your belongings in your ex-boyfriendâs apartment. Yet, you canât bring yourself to take it out and throw it away.Â
Itâs because you might need it.Â
Yes, you might need it.Â
Thatâs what you tell yourself.Â
Things start going downhill when you break rule number 3.Â
Technically you didnât break it.Â
You didnât exactly invite him over.Â
A phone call at midnight while drunk-you slurred out incomprehensible words and sobbed like a child to whom somebody just stole their favourite teddy bear canât be considered an invite, right? In your defense, when he hung off the call, making you sob even harder cause you thought you fucked it up another time, you werenât expecting the bell to ring ten minutes later. And when you dragged your body to the door, you didnât expect to find him standing there, his nightwear only covered with a jacket, his hair a mess, and his breath short, a clear sign he rushed to your place.Â
âAre you okay?â Haechan asks worriedly, shaking your shoulders to make sure youâre alive and not a creation of his imagination.Â
If you were your usual you, you wouldâve slapped him. Wasnât it clear that you are not fine? But youâre not there tonight, so you say something else.Â
âIâm sorry,â you sob, tears streaming down your face as you feel guiltier than ever, âI didnât know who to call.âÂ
If you were your usual you, you wouldâve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechanâs eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight.Â
âWhat happened?â He asks, trying to appear calm but heâs not calm at all. You are vulnerable, you. And out of all the people to be vulnerable with, you chose him.Â
âIâm an asshole,â you mumble, letting your body fall into his arms, face hiding in the crook of his neck while you let go to a nervous cry.
âHey, itâs alright, Iâm here now. Should we sit?âÂ
You nod, but youâre not really giving orders to your body when he drags you to the couch and lets you cuddle up next to him, shushing you and rubbing circles on your back.Â
âI never do anything right,â you mutter, holding yourself closer to him, hoping youâll disappear into him and wonât have to face another day.Â
âI donât think so.âÂ
âBut you donât know me, you⊠if I only⊠if you only knew all my flaws you would run away, even if between us was just sex.âÂ
Haechanâs face twists in pain as he looks down at you, only seeing your hair because your face is still pressed against his chest. âCause itâs not?âÂ
âWeâre friends, but youâŠâ your words die in your mouth, trying to give an order to all the things that are running in your head. âI try to fix things and then they go wrong, and how do I stop being a bad person? How do I stop hurting everybody?âÂ
âWho did you hurt?âÂ
âI mean⊠I am hurt, but I⊠is he manipulating, or am I truly a bitch?âÂ
Haechan canât follow you, he wants to be a support, but you arenât giving him clues about anything that is going on and heâs terrified of crossing boundaries, especially now that he has you so close and honest in his arms. This feels more intimate than all the sex you shared, and itâs scarier.Â
âWho are you talking about?â He dares to ask, losing the hold on you when you sit up, moving away from his body, not much, your legs are still pressed together, and you search for his hand for comfort.Â
âMy ex.âÂ
âYour ex?âÂ
You nod, biting your lips just to prevent another terrible sound to roll out. âI started thinking⊠about us and why we didnât work out, and⊠there were so many things that didnât sit right. I donât think I was crazy over him, but I⊠Iâve always respected him. He surely wasnât the love of my life but fuck,â at that you break down again, turning your face to the side because even if youâre in the middle of a breakdown you canât be so vulnerable to Haechanâs eyes. âWeâve been together for a year and a half and only now, because I asked for more closure, he told me he used me just for sex. And as the dumbass pathetic mess I am, I⊠we⊠we used to fuck.âÂ
Haechanâs jaw tenses as he listens to you, itâs probably not his place to syndicate since you two are using each other for the same reason, but itâs mutual and consensual. He coughs and then speaks when you donât explain more. âAfter?â
âWhat?âÂ
âYou went back to him after the breakup⊠to fuck?â Â
âYes,â you cry out, voice coming out in a yelp. And you know you look like a mess, tears and snot staining your face, but you canât control your emotions anymore. You feel stupid. Every time you let your sentiments have the best, life proves you shouldnât do it.Â
Haechan sighs, taking you back in his hold, letting you go off in his embrace. He doesnât talk, not sure of what to say, and let silence pass by, lulling you, and drawing circles in your hair. Only when youâve calmed down a bit he talks. âWhy are you the bad person in this?âÂ
âCause he told me Iâm insufferable. He said he loved me at first but⊠every day with me was âkilling himâ or whatever. Because I⊠I like things done a certain way, I like order, I⊠I canât let my life go into shambles, Hyuck. Iâve lived the worst days of my life because I had lost control, I feared I wasnât going to make it out alive only because I wasnât mentally there anymore, because I wasnât in control. I let people walk over me and put myself last. I canât go back there, I canât.âÂ
âYouâre not insufferable for being honest. Youâre sincere about what you feel, not the type of person that hides behind honesty to make fun of others or to push them out of their comfort zone. I mean, surely sometimes itâs a lot when you want to have so much control over things, and how badly you react at times when a minor thing doesnât go as planned. But I think that there are some flaws the people that love us should learn and comprehend, and either decide itâs not a weight for them or be frank and break up. Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and thatâs fine.âÂ
You sniffle, knowing heâs right, but also feeling that nobody seems to be able, or willing to even try, to carry the baggage you carry with you.Â
âWould you date me?â That was the alcohol talking, and the heartbreak, and Haechan knows it. But he doesnât know how drunk and heartbroken you are. He doesnât know if this is a tricky question, if you wouldâve remembered it the next morning and instead of taking it as a friend supporting you, it wouldâve caused you two to drift apart. He doesnât want to lose you, so he circles around it the best he can.Â
âYour value is not in the people who would date you or not, not even in those who did, like your ex.â
âYes but, isnât this the same? I am using you for sex, Iâm doing the same.âÂ
âItâs not the same. We want this, and weâre friends. Iâm here, supporting you. I donât think he supported you that much while technically you were dating, am I wrong?âÂ
âNo, youâre right. I shouldâve seen the signs.âÂ
âWeâre all good once things are done, but we canât blame ourselves from the past. You were in love, it doesnât matter that you werenât madly in love, you never disrespected him. While he made you believe he loved you, and in reality, he stopped feeling that and still used you. So, whoâs the asshole here?âÂ
âHim,â you whisper with a shaky voice.Â
âGood, thatâs my good girl,â he praises, caressing your cheeks and wiping the tears away with his thumb. âSee, you can see things clearly after the storm.âÂ
You hum, a small smile plastering on your face before you cuddle closer to him. You take a deep breath, inhaling his perfume and you feel at peace. âYou know I like you, right? Like, I respect you and care for you.âÂ
Haechanâs smile goes from ear to ear, deep down he does, but he wouldâve never expected you to say it out loud. âI know, even if you run away from my bed as if I bite you.âÂ
You laugh, hiding your face against his chest and your fingers tighten around his shirt. âIâm sorry.âÂ
âItâs fine, Iâm used to an empty bed anyway, so itâs not much of a difference when I wake up and donât find you there.âÂ
Your head rolls up, chin pressing between his sternum as your eyes meet his. âMind not waking up to an empty bed tomorrow?âÂ
âMh?âÂ
âCan you please stay the night?â You ask shily, voice quivering. âI know Iâm selfish, but I need someone with me.âÂ
Haechan smiles, âItâs not selfish, thatâs what friends do.âÂ
Thatâs what friends do.Â
Cleaning your smudged makeup and tears.Â
Giving you water and an aspirin.Â
Helping you clean your body and even apply moisturizer.Â
Taking care of your hair.Â
Putting you in clean nightwear.Â
Whispering a song to your ear to make you fall asleep.Â
Holding you close the entire night, so you donât have nightmares.Â
Yeah, thatâs what friends do.Â
You know Haechan has aâŠÂ sparkling personality. Heâs chatty, outgoing, and friendly with everyone. Heâs not so different from Johnny, so you two get along well because you grew up with your best friend starting conversations even with walls, it doesnât annoy you when Haechan does the same.Â
Well, it didnât annoy you.Â
Other than that, Haechan has this tendency of flirting with pretty much everyone â of age, and that doesnât give signs of discomfort â not so different than you, so you couldnât get mad at him for that, right? Those flirty remarks are jokes, silly things that fit into the moment and that he says just for funny purposes, right?Â
You arenât so sure about it. And you arenât even sure why you care so much. That sensation at the pit of your stomach every time he talks with someone else, touches them, or winks and smirks, is not normal. You know heâs going to take you home and fuck you all night, giving you exactly what you ask for, so why do you feel like this?Â
âThis place is dope.â Markâs voice rings loudly in your ear, and his body touches yours as he messily sits next to you on the bench, dragging you out of the intense staring competition you were having with yourself, Haechan and his new friendâs body.Â
âYeah, Johnny always finds the best places,â you force out, gripping the empty glass in your hands tighter and obligating yourself to look around and not go back to Haechan and that fake blonde girl that is all over him.Â
âSeems like someoneâs having fun,â Mark laughs, looking in front of you and you curse mentally because you know who heâs referring to, and right now you wish Haechan wasnât having the time of his life. âJohnny made a match for himself and for Hyuck too, the only one missing is you.âÂ
You chuckle, looking at the floor, sighing deeply before you decide that itâs better to divert the conversation from you. âWhereâs Minjeong?âÂ
âOh, sheâs at home, actually Iâll leave in a few minutes cause I have to go to her place,â he says with a smile on his face and you think itâs cute how he reacts when sheâs brought up. Heâs so madly in love and she is too, when they come along they make you wish you had what they had, for two seconds, just two. âAlso doing Channie a favour, you know,â he winks and then chuckles, but you donât find the implications funny, and your stomach twitches in discomfort.Â
Did Haechan ask him to leave the house empty or is he just being playful? And what if you wonât be the one Haechan takes home?Â
âI donât think heâs going home with her,â you say, barely hiding the bitter tone. Itâs not an opinion, youâre manifesting because you canât bear that thought, but Mark is not on your track and he snickers again.Â
âThink theyâll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?âÂ
You force out a laugh while replying, âGod, I hope not.â But youâre dying inside and you wish Mark would leave so you can run outside, slap yourself, go back inside and find somebody else to fuck that night and put your dumb brain â or heart, but youâre not ready to accept that just yet â to sleep.Â
âI think he will last until home, heâs not a fan of doing it in unpractical places, dirty or too risky.âÂ
âIs the car risky?âÂ
âYes,â he replies as if heâs shocked by your underestimation. âPeople know what goes on even if they canât see, and then it moves and fogs and itâs⊠embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, heâd rather go home with his balls blue.âÂ
Oh.Â
Oh.Â
âToo much information,â you joke, shrugging off how your body heated up, and Mark apologies through laughter before standing up.Â
âSorry again. Man, Iâm used to making fun of him with him and got carried away.âÂ
âItâs fine, Iâm a grown woman, sex doesnât traumatize me,â you reassure but your dumb heart is beating weirdly faster in your chest, and the awareness that Haechan never done it with anybody else, that he also broke one of his unspoken rules for you, is driving you insane.Â
Now youâd like to get up and drag him by the hair and ask him if he would fuck her in a car but you donât, you canât. So you say your goodbyes to Mark and then stand up to walk to the bar, some alcohol will do.Â
âHey, pretty,â a manâs voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention.Â
âHi,â you reply back, trying to bite back the bitterness of your voice, whoever that man is, he isnât the man you want to reach your side.Â
âAll alone here?âÂ
You roll your eyes at his lame pick-up words and at the hint of the smirk you can hear in his voice. âIâm with friends, just need to cool down for a bit.âÂ
âOh, all dating and all over each other while they forget about you,â he jokes and only then you turn around. Partially true, but being left alone by your friends had never been a problem, you always found someone that wanted to dance with you, even right now you have this man â a handsome man, with black hair, tanned skin, and a somehow not creepy smile â hitting on you but he isnât the man you want.Â
âIâm not actually,â you lie, you donât even know why. You couldâve said yes, flirted with him a bit more, ground against each other for a while before going home, to his place, wait, to his place? What if he was a murderer? And with what car? You shouldâve called a Uber, or worst, slept over. But soon you realize his bed isnât the bed you want to fall asleep into after some draining orgasms. The idea of even being at his place makes your skin crawl and you push down a groan when two brown eyes, auburn hair and bronze skin fill your thoughts instead.Â
âThen why are you alone? Youâre too pretty to be wasted here, sitting all by yourself. I could hear your thoughts from there,â he says, pointing at where he was sitting before.Â
Your face twitches in irritation, you donât like being called pretty, not with that tone at least, and not by men that arenât Haeâ anyway, you donât like it. It feels like mockery and when it comes from menâs lips it feels like theyâre trying to box you up there, as if being pretty is all youâre worth but at the same time, they canât compliment you with words like âbeautifulâ or âgorgeousâ because then they would boost your ego too much and they cannot compete with confident women.Â
âAnd what were my thoughts, Harry Potter?â You joke, trying to hide the bitter tone with a forced small smile.Â
He snorts, shaking his head, and shifting closer to you. Your first reaction is to move away but another body on the other side stops you from going far.Â
âI donât recall Harry Potter being able to mind read,â he whispers, and you feel his breath collide against your neck, and his fingers graze your thigh. âAnyway, I could tell you were begging for attention.âÂ
You gulp. You donât like this anymore, you didnât like this in the first place, to be honest. But him being all over your personal space without your consent is making you uncomfortable and for some reason, you canât react like usual. Maybe itâs because heâs not doing anything, or well, not something so evident that wouldnât make the whole club call you a crazy attention whore for accusing an innocent man.Â
So, you sit quietly; if you donât talk back, heâll get tired and will leave, thatâs what you pray for. You just have to wait for a miracle.Â
And just when youâre about to lose all hope, and the man moves even closer to you, a fit of cough brings you back to earth.Â
âHoney,â Haechan calls, âsorry, the line at the bathroom was endless. Should we go?âÂ
It takes you a while to realize heâs talking to you, but once your brain registers his voice, you let go of a breath of relief, and when you turn around you meet the pissed-off expression of the man next to you.Â
âWhoâs this?âÂ
âHer boyfriend,â Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. âNeeded something, sir?âÂ
Haechan is clearly mocking him, staring at the stranger with a challenging glare and moving closer to you, almost to shield you from him.Â
âNothing, have a great night,â the man mutters angrily before walking away.Â
âYou too!â Haechan screams and then turns to you. âAre you alright? It seemed like he was crossing some lines.âÂ
Youâre still shaken, and only mumble some hums as a reply. Itâs not really because of that man but mostly because you werenât expecting this from Haechan. Or worse, you werenât expecting your heart to react when he called himself your boyfriend.Â
âIâm fine,â you whisper before briefly looking around, this is getting too much. You donât give him time to check another time that youâre up and walking speedily to grab your jacket and storm outside. Haechan doesnât get it, for the nth time he canât predict anything of you, and he feels guilty because maybe he read you wrong, maybe you were willingly flirting with that man and he fucked up everything. But he still runs after you, and thatâs, one, not what you expected, and two, not what you needed.Â
âIâm sorry, I didnât know you were flirting back with him,â he apologizes, running after you, grabbing your wrist, and forcing you to turn around.Â
You sniffle, looking at the ground because this is so pathetic and itâs already the second time he catches you crying and you canât bear how vulnerable you have shown yourself to him â yes, that is too many times for you. Bottling up feelings and emotions is your top skill after programming everything like a mastermind to make sure everything would flow perfectly and everyone would have a very specific image of you, so why the hell are you a mess every time he comes around?Â
âI can go talk to him and explain it to him ââ
âNo,â you stop him. âI⊠Iâm a bit overwhelmed because I⊠I wasted a night out, I couldâve stayed at home and written a little or gone on with my favourite series, but you knowâŠâÂ
âFleabag?â He taunts, tilting his head as he tries to meet your eyes.
âYeah,â you whisper, running a hand on your neck. Â
âYou already know it by heart, it would be your tenth rewatch,â he jokes but when you look at him with your lips awkwardly pressed in a thin line, his eyes go wide. âOh God, you started it again?âÂ
âIâm sorry,â you cry out, âitâs my comfort show, and then the other day I fucked up again, I needed to see myself being a total failure in someone else and Fleabag is always there for me.âÂ
Haechan chuckles, shaking his head, still staring at you with an amused expression. âItâs fine, itâs fine. Need a hot priest too?âÂ
That should make you laugh â oh, how much you wanted that â but it only makes you let out a chocked sob because fuck, he surely doesnât carry a rosary and the bible is not his favourite book, he canât say mass, but you feel like Haechan is your hot priest. Heâs fucking you up in ways nobody else ever did. Fleabag at least had God and morals to come between them but you, what do you have? Nothing.Â
âIâm sorry,â he says, pulling you in a hug, âno hot priests, no judging for your fixations. How about you tell me what is going on?âÂ
âNo,â you reply, hiding in his hold. It should be easy, embarrassing but easy, to slur out that youâre a mess because you feared he wasnât going to pay you a bit of attention, surely you shouldâve turned it into a confession of how dick-addicted you were and how badly you needed him â vulgarly, his cock â after an entire week of absence, but itâs not easy to be your usual â or past â self when you feel like you are missing him more than you are missing what he knows how to use best. âYou should go inside, sheâs waiting for you.â So you place the weight on him, hoping he wonât take you home because you canât do another night like when you called him in the middle of desperation.Â
You donât catch his expression, a held-back smirk mixed with eyes full of surprise, but that would be the look on his face that youâd see if youâd stopped staring at the cobblestones on the sidewalk.Â
âAre youâŠÂ jealous?âÂ
Your head is not facing the ground anymore, with a snap so fast you know itâs a miracle you didnât break your neck, your eyes lock with Haechanâs. And then you laugh, hysterically. Itâs a fake laugh and he gets it, he can see you panic, he saw it in your eyes that brief moment they intertwined, and he knows.Â
You are jealous.Â
And you know he knows it, so you have to fix this mess.Â
âFine, I wanted to fuck you tonight, itâs been a week and Iâm kinda needy, and seeing you with her got me mad, but not jealous. Do you know when youâre horny, you think youâre close to getting some relief and then something happens and what you have in mind doesnât happen anymore?â You ask, and you see in his face that heâs barely following the words youâre spitting out before you can betray yourself. âBut itâs fine, my toys are still working, so I can use them instead.â
âAre you walking home?âÂ
Oh, so he doesnât care about anything you said? He didnât believe it, right? Fuck, now heâll think you love him.Â
âYes.âÂ
Haechan shakes his head, before grabbing your hand and pulling you to the opposite side. âCome on, donât make me drag you.âÂ
âIâm not going back inside,â you say, trying to pull away and he stops, sighing.Â
âHoney, Iâm taking you home.â
Oh.Â
Oh.Â
Youâd fight if you werenât a mess, you surely would do it and tell him itâs not necessary, but you need a ride back home so thatâs the only reason you say yes. You donât hope you will break rule number three again and he will fuck away this sadness youâre carrying around. Why are you even sad? Heâs there, right at your side, driving you home after you cried like a child in the middle of the street, comparing yourself to a fucking tv series character, an insane character, by the way.Â
âDo you think I talk to myself?âÂ
âWhat?â He almost swerves when you talk after five minutes of straight silence.Â
âLike Fleabag, you know. The thing she does when she talks to us?âÂ
âI donât know, Iâve never seen you turn around mid-conversation to stare at a spot behind you or to your side to talk to a camera, so I guess no.âÂ
You sit in silence, blankly staring at the street in front of you. Oh, you do. Not the camera, not really, but you are slowly transcending into the madness of that old cat lady that Johnny always talked about.Â
âIâm insane,â you cry out.Â
Haechan laughs, turning to stare at you for a split second, and smiling again at your devasted face. âI just think youâre drunk.âÂ
âI didnât drink,â you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. âGot two small glasses of something that wasnât even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.âÂ
Shit.Â
Fuck.Â
âShe was hot.âÂ
Think fast. Think fast. Think fast.Â
âYou shouldâve gone home with her. Can we go back so I will go home with her?âÂ
âI take it back, you are insane, not drunk,â he giggles, caressing your thigh when the car stops at a traffic light.Â
You groan. Why is he so unfazed by your weird tactics? Why does he laugh so tenderly even when heâs teasing you? Why does it feel like he holds so much love in his voice, words, and touches? âIâm sorry, it was a shitty night and Iâm⊠overstimulated. Not sexually, but mentally. Everything feels doubled.âÂ
âThatâs why Iâm taking you home.âÂ
Your brain has many things to say but you keep your mouth shut, you already messed up enough tonight and youâre not sure you can live tomorrow with the consequences of these minor errors already, so adding more to the list wouldnât be a wise thing.Â
When you arrive home you donât move. You should jump off the car to slump in your bed not even changing yourself â once again going against one of the thousands of rules you have in order to survive in the insanity of your sanity. But you donât want to leave his side. You like being around Haechan, even when you donât talk, even right now that you feel on the verge of tears again and you canât blame your hormones, while the music plays from the radio.Â
And Haechan gets it. Your usual self? Out of the car in a second; the first times you two hung out you barely gave him time to stop before you were under the porch of the complex you lived in. He once again has no idea whatâs going on inside you, but he knows he canât leave you alone. He doesnât care if you use toys, but for how shaken you look, he knows the only thing youâll pick up will be the phone to call your ex, and he doesnât want that. You donât deserve to be hurt, and your ex doesnât even deserve to hear your voice.Â
âWanna come to my place?â He asks, breaking the silence, staring at you while youâre lost with the gaze in front of you on the quite empty road of your house. âYou have everything there anyway.â
You have everything there anyway.Â
His toothbrush that became yours.Â
His white t-shirt that became yours.Â
A new set of towels he had bought just for you.Â
His favourite mug that became yours.Â
A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else youâre not ready to face yet.Â
âYeah, letâs go home.âÂ
Haechan shouldnât smile this big when those words leave your lips and you slump in your seat letting go of the tension, but he does. He knows youâre drunk, he knows youâll go back to being your distant self in the morning, and probably he wonât even find you there when he wakes up, but he likes this new side of you so he wants to enjoy it while it lasts.Â
Home.Â
He loves the way it rolls from your lips and how that house feels like home when youâre inside.Â
Apparently, your new plan is to give Haechan a heart attack, cause when he wakes up in the morning and, not only still finds you there, but finds you cuddled up on top of him, he feels like dying. He is not even sure you are you, maybe heâs making you up and all of this is a dream.Â
Now that you are awake you feel the same. You are in his bed, wearing his shirt and pants, itâs nine in the morning, your clothes are not scattered on the floor and the sheets arenât a mess. Why? You know why. Unfortunately, you werenât drunk enough the night before to forget how embarrassing it had been, but you wish you could find another reason.Â
âOh, hi,â he cheers when you enter the kitchen after ten minutes of contemplating whether running away now was a good idea or if the more you acted weird, the worst it got. âHeadache?âÂ
âNo, luckily no,â you reply, running a hand on your face and sitting on a chair. âWhy are you cooking, trying to blow us up?âÂ
âOh, youâre back, I was starting to worry,â he laughs at your snarky remark, shaking his head.Â
You donât reply, only drop on your arms, resting your head on them against the table as you watch him move around. He might not be a good chef, but you love the way he moves, itâs like his body always makes sure to remind you of all the years he spent doing ballet, and even if he hates it now, youâre glad he did it.
Heâs hot, even in the morning, even with his eyes still sleepy and hair a mess. But you feel like something of the crazy, pungent, chemistry that used to buzz between you stopped doing so. Or maybe this is a friend moment without the benefits? You canât tell, and you just want to get back on the benefits again because the whole friendsâ thing is turning romantic and you donât like it.Â
So, your feet move quickly, making you reach him in a second and wrap your arms around his body.Â
âWhat are youââÂ
âShh,â you shush him, moving your hands lower on his abdomen.Â
âOh, sure, of course, you werenât just hugging me, fuck,â he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you donât get it.Â
âWant you, Hyuckie,â you pout against his ear, and you can feel him shiver in your hold.Â
âNot now,â he murmurs, reaching for your hand to move it away.Â
âThen when?â You ask, slipping your hand into the rubber band after you slapped his away. âYou never fucked me in the morning, you know?âÂ
Haechan gulps and turns off the stove, hands losing their grip on everything they touch while your hands kept teasing him more and more.Â
âWhen we had all, mhh, day to ourselves,â he murmurs, squeezing his eyes as he tries to donât give in to you.Â
âFucked me in the evening, at night, and in the afternoon.âÂ
âYou slept till noon of course I couldnât fuck you in your sleep.âÂ
âWell, couldnât or wouldnât, you still didnât, and I need you to do it now.âÂ
Haechanâs breath falters when your fingers wrap around his dick and start moving to get him hard, head reclined low as he tries to hold in the moans youâre dragging out of him.Â
âCan you get hard for me?â You whisper teasingly and Haechan groans, glaring at you.Â
âNow you think I canât get hard?âÂ
You chuckle at his voice and also because you can feel his cock hardening in your hand with each stroke on it.Â
âGood,â you hum, starting to kiss his neck and when his head rolls back and he searches for your lips on his, you pull away.Â
âOh, cool, went back to phase one?â He says and you can hear the bit of anger in his voice even if heâs trying to hide it.Â
You donât know what to reply, you can turn it into something sexual, so he wonât get mad and keep this thing going. You donât even know why you pulled away. Well, yes, you do, but why are you so afraid all of a sudden?Â
âFuck me first and then maybe later youâll get a kiss.â This will do, coming out sultrily it only sounds like dirty talk and hides your insecurities. âYou left me hanging for too long to get what you want so easily.âÂ
And Haechan falls for it, groaning again and leaning back on your shoulder while his eyes are shut and from his lips start to come out more moans.Â
âFuck, youâre so good,â he whimpers, fucking back into your hands.Â
You smirk, finding yourself staring at his blissed face a bit too long, but he looks just so beautiful like this, with his long lashes resting on his full soft cheeks, and his plump lips parted to let out soft, raspy whimpers.Â
âWanna come?âÂ
âIn â fuck â in your mouth, please. Use your mouth.â
Your hands leave his dick, and you take two steps back.
âTurn around and take your pants off,â you order and stare at him following your instructions in the blink of an eye. When heâs done, you get on your knees and donât waste time taking his hard cock in your mouth.Â
âShit,â Haechan groans, throwing his head back and wrapping his hands in your hair, he doesnât force your face down, leaving total control in your hands, he simply likes to hold on to you somehow.Â
You go for a steady rhythm, not fast but not slow to tease him and waste more time. Youâre dripping and you need him inside you soon. And for your luck, it doesnât take him long to come. After all, you know him and what drives him crazy. So one of your hands fondles his balls while the other wraps around his base, and start working on him while your tongue and cheeks focus on his tip. You also know that he loves hearing you moan around him, and watching your eyelid flatter as you stare up at him, and he never told you but when tears start spilling out of the corner of your eyes, his cock throbs harder.Â
âMhh, fuck, fuck,â he rasps out, followed by chants of your name as his knees wobble and his hips buck up while he comes in your mouth. His eyes roll back when you pull away with a pop sound and then swallow everything without breaking eye contact. âYou drive me insane,â he mutters, running his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply. Â
âFuck me,â you urge, standing up again, his words flying over your head. âPlease.â
Haechan nods, shaking his head to try to shake the post-orgasm haze out of his mind. âCome here,â he hums, pulling you closer, moving his hands on your body to undress you of the pants and underwear before lifting you on the countertop.Â
But thatâs not what you want.Â
âNo,â you huff, squirming in his hold. âFrom behind, please.âÂ
Thatâs not what Haechan wants, when you fuck in that position is because you want it particularly hard and thatâs not what he wants to give to you, not now. Heâs still trapped in that sense of what was different from the night before and heâs not ready to bear with your shift to your old self again. But when he looks into your eyes, he realizes that spell is already far gone, no more tenderness or heartfelt conversation, just sex and greed.Â
But you are still there, and it never happened before, and this is better than nothing, so he gives you what you want.Â
âBend over,â he says, helping you off the kitchen and waiting for you to get in position. He would find the view hot, incredibly hot, your ass pushing back up into him, your wet folds pressing against the tip of his cock, your hips swinging in desperation, and it is hot, but he canât enjoy it fully; if it only wasnât for that small twinge of pain in his heart.Â
âPlease, fuck me,â you beg again when he doesnât push in right away, too lost at staring blankly at your back.
âAre you in a rush? Somewhere to be better than here?â He bites back, itâs a bitter tease, not a sensual one, and his voice trembles, and so do his hands on your hips.Â
âI need you, please,â you grunt, throwing your head down, âplease.âÂ
Haechan swallows the gulp in his throat and pushes into you. Heâs always delicate when he thrusts in the first time, he knows youâre wet and ready to take him but heâs always careful and you wish you didnât find it so attractive, but you do. Nobody ever cared for you that much during sex, well, nobody ever cares for you that much in general.Â
And when he starts moving in and out of you, your heart loses another beat. He fills you up so nicely, you hate to compliment every part of him but fuck, heâs perfect, he fits perfectly and you feel him everywhere, itâs like he was made just for you.
âFuck,â he groans when you clench down on him. âWant it harder, babe?âÂ
âYes, please.âÂ
His hips start snapping against you in a fast rhythm, causing your bones to hit the hard surface of the countertop, but you donât care, you even find the slight pain more exciting.Â
Haechanâs groans fill your ears, as the grip of his hands on you gets incredibly tighter. Itâs rough like you asked but not how youâre used to. You donât dare to turn your neck to get a peek at him but you know his brows are knitted and his eyes are dark. This doesnât feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, itâs like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting.Â
âHaechan,â you call out his name, and only for a second his grip softens, but you donât continue, you donât even know what you want, or if you want something.Â
âWhat?â He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. âIs this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?âÂ
Your eyes squeeze shut as you feel a tear streak down your eyes and you shake your head swiftly, trying to hold onto something. âNo, it is,â you breathe out. âYou are, fuck, you are enough,â you cry, hissing when he slaps your ass.Â
âYeah? Then what do you want? What do I have to do to make you happy?â
âKiss me,â you mumble, pushing your head back, trying to reach for his lips. âPle-please, want you â umh â you all over me.â
And when he leans in, kissing you with eagerness, itâs like the gloomy cloud that was shadowing over you dissolves in the air, his grip turns delicate, and his face relaxes, while his hips slow down until they come to a stop. Haechan doesnât pull away and you donât care youâre almost struggling for air, feeling breathless, gasping against his lips makes you feel alive more than ever.Â
âFuck,â he groans, pulling away with a gasp. He stares at your face for a moment, watching a tear roll down your cheeks, and heâs tempted to wipe it away with a gentle touch of his fingers, but he doesnât give in to temptation. If you werenât in yourself the night before, heâs not in himself right now, and he feels that he might want to see you cry, cry for him.Â
Another guttural sound rolls from his lips when he drifts his gaze away and pushes you flat on the countertop with force, picking up the same rhythm as before, snapping against you so fast that your heart starts racing faster in your chest thatâs raising up and down in a frenetic rhythm.Â
âToo â too much,â you whimper, letting your shoulder relax when you fear you wonât be able to keep your body up much more.Â
Haechan snickers, moving a hand down to knead the flesh of your ass harshly as he leans closer to you. âReally? Thought you asked me to fuck you like this.âÂ
You nod weakly, muscles of your neck sore, and you close your eyes because you feel more tears threatening to spill out, itâs a mix of physical pleasure and mental â emotional â pain you canât deal with.Â
âI wouldâve fucked you differently,â he almost growls next to your ears, and you know heâs mad. âNice and slow, probably wouldâve even eaten you out but you asked for this and Iâm giving you this,â his voice almost breaks and his hips falter, his heart is beating so loud in his ribcage you can feel it against your back. âWant me to stop?â And here he is, as always, no matter the pain you put him through by playing a game of hide and seek inside your true self where he canât grasp anything real, his voice still turns soft, weak, almost shy, as he makes sure this truly is not getting too much for you. Because you hit left and right with your sword and your blinded eyes but he wonât ever hurt you even if heâs clearly the one bleeding.Â
âNo,â you sniffle, opening your eyes to try to glimpse at his, but the position doesnât offer you a great view. âWant you, please. I â I need you, Hyuck, so much.âÂ
He nods quickly and then starts thrusting into you, this time he wonât stop until you come, but he pushes your body up against his because he needs you. He needs your scent to be all over his skin, he needs to remind himself youâre not a dream even if you continuously slip from his fingers, he needs to remind you and himself that heâs the only one that has you like this. He is the best you ever had and thatâs a little consolation.
âFuck, youâre squeezing me,â he whimpers, forehead frowning while sweat starts pearling his skin as he looks at your ass bouncing on him. âGonna come?âÂ
âYe-yes, please,â you beg, and you donât even know why. You donât have to ask for his permission to come but itâs like you want him to end this moment.Â
âHold on just a bit more, Iâm close,â he replies, âwant to come with you.âÂ
You nod mindlessly, letting out louder and whinier moans while your hands desperately search for some kind of contact and your legs shake as your orgasm builds up with more violence inside you.Â
âBe a good girl and come with me,â he orders and you feel one of his hands reach in front of your body until it finds your clit. He groans loudly when your pussy clenches hard around him and your body tenses up while your orgasm washes over, leaving you with your mouth parted but too breathless to let out sounds. Haechanâs not silent, he curses your name and some swear words while his hips keep ramming into you as he pumps his cum in and out of your hole.Â
âShit,â he comments, pulling out of you sooner than you wish he would, leaving you empty and cold.Â
You think heâs behind you, but when you turn around struggling, you see heâs not in the kitchen anymore and you collapse on the floor, legs too weak and trembling to hold you and your heavy heart up.Â
Youâre not sure how many minutes pass while you sit naked on the floor of his kitchen with your hands in your hair wondering where did you go wrong. You just know it feels like an eternity and when you hear footsteps approach, you quickly jump on your feet to cover up and donât let him find you like that. Â
Once you pulled back up your clothes, and heâs back in the room, you donât know what to say, and you donât even feel like staring at him.Â
âYou canâŠâ he starts but then stops and when your eyes lift from the ground, you see heâs turned around, turning on the stoves again.Â
âI can?âÂ
âNothing,â he mutters. âYou know where everything in this house is. Do whatever you want.âÂ
âAre you â are you mad?â You chuckle nervously, shaky fingers fixing your hair behind your ears.Â
He shrugs, shaking his head, âIâm not, I just know you wonât do what I propose, so if you want to eat, take a shower and grab some new clothes, do it. But if you want to leave, itâs fine, too.âÂ
You bite your lips; you know your typical answer would be easy: leave. But right now, it feels like the wrong one. You canât bet on it, but Haechan seems sad, even angry, and the cold wall between you and his back is making you feel guilty for something you donât even know. You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like?Â
âIâll stay for a bitâŠâ you whisper and when he turns around with wide eyes you add, âif itâs fine for you.âÂ
âYeah, I told you, everything you decide itâs fine for me. Want breakfast?âÂ
âYeah,â you say.Â
âAnd maybe new clothes?â He smiles, tilting his head to the side, warm dispersing on his face again.
âYour closet?âÂ
âMy closet.âÂ
The names you start slurring in bed donât belong to Haechan. Honestly, you havenât seen Haechan in over two weeks now. That morning you needed him to prove you something, only to be proven the complete opposite. Things with him werenât going where you planned them to go in the first place.Â
And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser.Â
You think you are stupid and childish, and you hate yourself.Â
But you still donât pick the best solutions. Actually, you donât pick solutions at all, you just fuck things up because youâre not used to them going right.Â
You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friendâs nights out because you canât face him.Â
You feel like you cheated on him. No, there wasnât written or slurred speech anywhere that you two were exclusive but you two were exclusive. Haechan never fucked someone else behind your back, and he also most of the times implied he didnât because, since you two did it raw, he wanted to make sure he was only active with you.Â
And you⊠you crossed a line you shouldnât have crossed.Â
You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied.Â
You should pick up your phone, call him over and explain, youâre still in time to fix this in a way he wonât hate you forever, but you donât.Â
You go to work, come back home, slump on the couch with food and movies, or stay out running until you can barely feel your legs, stand under the shower as if the bill wonât crash you at the end of the month and then go to sleep, or try to, while you fight with your brain and heart and the emotions none of the three of you knows how to cope with, just to do it all over again the next day.Â
Itâs an endless routine where you try to push him out, but it doesnât seem to work.Â
It had always been easy to delete people from your life like this. One cut, one push out of your protected zone, and they were long forgotten.Â
So why is it so hard with him?Â
But you still donât pick up that damn phone, not even when a month passes by and Haechan reaches for you, apologizing.Â
[Monday]
pathetic loser hey, itâs been a while i just wanted to check if everythingâs alrightÂ
[Wednesday]
pathetic loser will you be there at johnnyâs dinner at his place?Â
maybe we can talk there?Â
[Friday]
pathetic loser  i didnât ask johnny but i guess you wonât be there so i just hope youâre okayÂ
You donât reply, only stare at those texts trying to force yourself to grab the phone and call him because he deserves that more than a dry reply in a text. But you donât know what to say, and youâd probably hope he wonât answer the call, so youâll have an excuse to say youâve tried but he didnât reply. And when you try to come up with something that can explain to him this whole situation and at the same time donât tear you apart, another week passes by.Â
[Thursday]Â
pathetic loser i wonât bother you again i promiseÂ
i just wanted to apologize if i did something that made you uncomfortable that night/morningÂ
i donât know what it is but itâs fine if you donât want to tell me, after all you donât owe me anythingÂ
it was just sex anyway so itâs fineÂ
i will stop hanging around with johnny when i know he plans with all of us so you donât have to avoid him tooÂ
he misses you, please donât let some sex come between your friendshipÂ
anyway back to us, i know i sound like a loser but i had fun and i hope you donât regret this totally, sorry if i messed something up i didnât do it on purposeÂ
iâve written too much so yeah hope youâre fine, have a great life (you can block me if you want to, if you didnât already)Â
You donât reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you canât breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery.Â
It was supposed to be just silly, superficial, and fun sex, how did it turn into this?Â
Haechan didnât mean to mess something up.Â
But Haechan doesnât know that the only thing he messed up with is your heart.Â
It takes you a while, but you get over him and get back to your daily life, the real one. No more depressing couch-sitting-eating sessions or extremely exhausting workouts to burn your brain down, no more avoiding social life and crying yourself to sleep.Â
Johnny didnât understand what happened, he felt like there was something going on between you and Haechan, but you never told him anything and you wouldnât keep that a secret to yourself, right? Not from him at least. But even if he didnât know the reasoning he gently, and friendly, dragged you out of the house without asking many questions, he just wanted you back.Â
And you were back, a bit less chatty and loud, with a lightly dimmed glow in your eyes, and with a tongue that stopped flirting with every breathing being, but you were there.Â
Haechan had disappeared, he was true to his promise, and you never saw him in the mixed-groups group hangouts, so moving on from him had been easier.Â
You donât hear his laugh anymore, you donât laugh at his jokes, you canât feel his hand secretly and gently rest on your thighs under the table, he canât rest his head on your shoulder when the alcohol kicks in and he is too wasted, you donât have someone to dance with or run away back home when your social battery dies.Â
You donât have him.Â
And it sucks.Â
But you try not to show it. You are trying to move on, and even if you hate how tortuous it feels this time and how you still look for his dumb-looking, slap-attracting, handsome, kissable face, you are trying.Â
You are also failing.Â
When the seventh drink of the night reaches your stomach, youâre not even sure youâd be able to answer if someone asked whatâs your name. And you hate that a name is still loud and clear, ringing in your mind like a permanent reminder that maybe, just maybe, you are not getting over him.Â
So, you drag your legs up and feel your head turn, everything is spinning but you need to find someone that will drown him out. You canât keep going on like this.Â
âHi,â you mumble when you reach the bar and sit clumsily on the stool.Â
âOh, hi, babe. Look what we have here,â the man replies, studying you.Â
âWanna fuck?âÂ
âOh, you go straight to the point, and I wouldnât say no if only you didnât look completely out of yourself.â
âIâm not,â you reply, shaking your head â terrible idea, everything spins faster, and you have to squeeze your eyes to find balance again. âI just had a few drinks.âÂ
âA few?âÂ
âYeah. I can take you home,â you wink, caressing his arm with two fingers and the stranger chuckles before shaking his head. Â
âI think we need to find somebody that knows you to take you home. Are you alone?âÂ
You shake your head. âYou could take me home. Iâm good, I give amaaazing blowjobs.â
âI donât want to doubt your abilities, but youâre drunk,â he says, starting to look around, hoping to be lucky enough to make eye contact with someone you may know.Â
âCome on, I need this. Is it because you think you canât take me?â You still insist, pressing your finger on his chest in an accusative tone.Â
He snorts, âI can take you, but sober. Hey,â he calls someone, waving his hand and at the same time trying to keep your body up with his other one.Â
âWhat the fuck are you doing here?â Johnnyâs voice is clear and too loud, especially when he groans your name angrily after you try to avoid him.Â
âDo you know him?âÂ
âHeâs my bestie,â you say, rolling your eyes. âMy bad, bad bestie. He made me meet someone that broke my heart, donât let me go with him, pleaseee.â
âMan, she needs aspirin and a bed.âÂ
Johnny nods, grabbing your arm and pulling you from the sit, âYeah, I can see. Thank you for not taking advance of her.âÂ
âShould be the norm,â he smiles. âTake care. And maybe talk with whoever broke your heart.âÂ
âNo,â you reply angrily, crossing your arms on your chest. âIâm mad at you,â you say to Johnny, trying to walk away from him but you need his support to donât wiggle around like jelly. âYou first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because Iâm not sober to you and him and why I canât have nice things?âÂ
Johnny stares at you as if youâre crazy; he had seen you drunk but never like this, so miserable, and the fact he has not even a faint idea of how and why you are like this, doesnât sit right with him. âWhy donât we sit in a corner and talk?âÂ
âI donât want to. I want Haechan,â you slur out, collapsing on the sit and resting your head on his chest, but the music is loud and Johnnyâs not sure he heard right.Â
âYou want who?âÂ
âHaehan,â you mumble against his shirt.Â
âOkay, I donât know who or what you want but we need to go home, come on. Please, drag your feet to the car, Iâll carry you inside your place but please, letâs just make it to the car.â
Johnny has to carry you to the car in his arms because you are a boneless mess and he doesnât want to end the night at the hospital because you broke your ankles on those damn heels; mental reminder to gift you heels you can easily walk on even when you have more alcohol than blood running in your veins.Â
The drive back home is a blur in your brain, youâre sure youâre not sleeping, but your head is spinning and at some point, you start shedding some tears and mumble chants of a name, Johnny supposes, but he canât get it right. Your voice is low and groggy, and sobs come through every whimper that escapes your lips.Â
âMy place or yours?â He asks, hoping you can give him an answer, but you answer other doubts instead.Â
âHyuck,â you whisper, and Johnny finally has all the puzzle pieces to put together.Â
When you wake up in the morning with a throbbing headache and your stomach turned upside down, the last thing you want to deal with is your best friendsâ stares and glances he throws at you as if he knows something you donât know he knows.Â
You donât ask him any questions right away, your brain is too far gone to deal with it, but after another aspirin and a coffee, you feel like youâre ready to face him. Except youâre not quite ready for whatâs to come.Â
âWhy are you looking at me like that?â You ask, rubbing your temples while you rest your elbows on his kitchen table.Â
âHaechan,â he replies with a smirk on his face as if he finally got you right where he wanted you, cornered. And well, you feel like you are, and maybe you shouldâve waited a bit longer cause your acting skills are not at their best right now, but you take another sip from your cup, shrug, and then reply nonchalantly.Â
âWhat about him?â
Johnnyâs eyes roll back as he huffs loudly. âDo we really have to do this?â
âDo what? You bring him up out of nowhere,â you say, but the calmness of your voice is being betrayed by the nervous bouncing of your leg and Johnny gets it immediately, and thatâs when he shoots his arrow.Â
âYou love him.âÂ
âWhat?â You almost spit the coffee out while you stare at your best friend with wide eyes, hoping to see a reaction, hoping that this disgusted him to the point he will get up and focus on cleaning the table and insult you instead of twisting the knife in the wound thatâs called âme and Haechan.â But heâs impassive, and itâs written all over his face that heâs not buying it, or anyway, he wants to dig deep into all the secrets you kept from him.Â
âYou love him,â he repeats, and those words coming out so slowly from his mouth make shivers run down your spine.Â
âI donât,â you reply sternly, getting up to clean the spilled coffee and keep yourself busy. Â
âYou do. You slurred his name all the way back home and I thought I was crazy until you said Hyuck and hell no, thatâs him.â Johnny reaches you and now you also feel physically cornered by his big body â why the hell is he so big? â and physically disgusted because you did what? And why couldnât he leave you in somebody else home? Slurring his name to a stranger wouldnât have been as embarrassing as what you did.Â
âSo? Are you going to answer? Or keep denying?â He presses you again, and before he can scold you as he usually does with an annoyed call of your name in a stern tone, you snap.Â
âWe used to fuck, okay?â
âYou did what?â Johnny almost screams at your face, and you push him back to walk to the living room.Â
âDonât be surprised, you literally set us up.âÂ
âWhy the hell didnât you tell me? What happened to our friendship and our rules.â Johnnyâs voice cracks as he tries to accept that you, his best friend, sister of another mother, and partner in crimes, really kept all of this behind him. Â
âOh, screw rules, all those fucking rules I never know how to respect,â you huff, falling on the couch and holding your head in your hands. And Johnny has to rub his temples because all of this is insane and surreal to his ears. Â
âYou donât know how to respect them? You. Miss little rules?â
âShut up.âÂ
âWait⊠your rules about sex? Are you talking about all that crap you believe wonât make you catch feelings?âÂ
âIt never made me catch feelings. It always worked. Clear boundaries, good sex, and everybody on their way.âÂ
Johnny smirks, kneeling in front of you so you canât avoid his gaze anymore. âYou broke them.âÂ
âI didnât,â you mutter, and you want to slap his face because why is he having so much fun seeing your breakdown?
âYou did. You just told me; you got mad when I mentioned them, and you wouldnât get mad unless something didnât go as you planned.âÂ
âNothing happened,â you retort, leg bouncing progressively faster as you feel your heart race and your body burn. Â
âNo, you broke them.â
âI didnât.âÂ
âYou fell in love with him.âÂ
âDonât,â you stop him with a glare that doesnât scare away the smirk on his face. Instead, the look in your eyes, the way your lips are twitching, and your continuous nervous movements are everything Johnny needs to let him know heâs right.Â
âYou fell in love with Haechan.âÂ
You almost scream when those words roll from his lips, you hate hearing that thought, that fear that has been lingering in your brain every night for a month now. âShut up, donât make things up. I broke the rules of not telling you we fucked.âÂ
âOh, no, girl, I know you. Youâre fidgeting with your fingers, and your voice is shaking, youâre straight-up lying and you can sell that bullshit to anybody else but not me, so spill the fuck you have to spill or else weâre going to have a long day.âÂ
âThereâs nothing to know. We started fucking, and then stopped, but Iâm in my unlucky month and I donât find anybody thatâs good enough to satisfy me. And thatâs why Iâm breaking rules, I like to have fun, but I donât like to try so many people and fuck with every person I see, you know I hate it.âÂ
âThen why are you doing it? Your toys are not enough anymore?âÂ
âYeah, Iâll stick to them,â you cut it short, trying to avoid his eyes because you know you will fall. Johnny has this power of dragging things out of your mouth, youâre lucky he didnât get the tiniest hint of what was going on between you and Haechan or he wouldâve made you face some painful truths a long time ago.Â
âIf it was so good, why did you stop?âÂ
You shrug. Fuck.Â
âThatâs not an answer.âÂ
âI donât know, he wanted to see new people and we just stopped.âÂ
âReally?â Johnny asks with a teasing edge to his voice, clearly mocking you. âHeâs not seeing anybody.âÂ
âMaybe he didnât tell you. You didnât know about us, and we were both friends with you, so. Or maybe he didnât find another one, just like me.âÂ
âHe seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.âÂ
Now itâs your time to be shocked. He asks about you? He doesnât hate you after the way you treated him? Youâre still in his mind? No, why would any of this matter? Why do you care? It doesnât matter. âWhat?â Well, it shouldnât matter.Â
âIf everything was alright or if something happened to you.âÂ
âJust checking on people is normal.â You shake it off with a nod and raise of shoulders, but something inside you is burning. Itâs that flame you think you put out and yet found a way to spark up every time you donât think about it.Â
âNot asking if something happened,â he says before walking around and studying you. You are avoiding his gaze and are a raging ball of nervousness, you werenât even like this with your ex-boyfriend, let alone with your few hook-ups. And then something else clicks in his brain. âDid you cut him off without a word?â And when you donât answer, and he calls out your name with urgency, you canât lie anymore.Â
âMaybe,â you reply with a loud groan, your head falling backwards with force, hitting the backrest so hard you hurt yourself even if thereâs the cushion dividing you from the hard surface. âMaybe I did.âÂ ïżœïżœ
âWhy?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
âYou donât know?â He shouts, throwing his hands over his head.
âJohnny, please, I donât need a lecture right now, okay? I know I was rude, and an asshole.âÂ
âNo, youâre in love, itâs different.âÂ
âNo, Iâm not.âÂ
âWhy are you lying? You never called your ex-boyfriendâs name while you were wasted, you never broke any of your rules for him, it took you nothing to move on, and the only reason you got back was because you wanted revenge and because you needed to fill your life with something. You never cared for him nearly as half of what you care for Haechan, so why lie, and why lie to me?âÂ
âI donât want to,â you sniffle, suddenly feeling your brain spin again while your nails sink into the fabric of the pants Johnny gave you.
âTalk to me?âÂ
âNo, to love him.âÂ
There it is; the loud confession. That confession you didnât even do to yourself alone in the darkness of your room. Itâs still bouncing against the walls of Johnnyâs place in plain sight under the bright daylight and it pierces your ears and your heart.Â
Fuck. Youâre screwed.Â
Your eyes lock with Johnnyâs and your brain would like to lie and mumble some nonsense but your heart canât keep bleeding without being taken care of anymore. So, hot salt starts streaming down your face silently and your head faces the ground while two strong arms wrap around you.Â
Youâre screwed.Â
When youâve cried all your tears in Johnnyâs arms, and you feel like you can try to put it down to words you do it. Maybe with Johnny by your side, it will be easier.Â
âI donât know what the hell he did to me.âÂ
âThatâs a nice start.âÂ
âIâm not saying I didnât consider the possibility of this going down a different path and starting to allow feelings in butâŠÂ like this? Iâve never felt like this before, not even when I fell first, and Iâm not even sure Iâve ever loved somebody before if this is how itâs supposed to feel.âÂ
âThen why donât just let yourself go for once? You donât have to always have everything under control.âÂ
âBut Iâm scared. I hated seeing him with someone that wasnât me. The mere idea of him being with somebody else now makes me sick. This is scary.âÂ
âLove can be scary at times, but thatâs what it is.âÂ
You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. âBut what if itâs wrong? What if⊠God, Iâm doing all this and Iâm not even sure he likes me back.âÂ
âWell, if itâs right, you know, right?âÂ
You shrug, you thought it was right so many times before, and then it never was but this felt different, everything about Haechan hits different, it truly was like an arrow straight to your heart purposefully made to hit you straight to the core and cut you deep.Â
Johnny sighs, you already talked too much today and faced the truth, he knows he canât push you any further.Â
âIâm not saying you have to take him back but⊠sometimes you can take the good things life gives you without tearing them into pieces. It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.â
Going back to the coast feels like torture, especially when both you and Haechan forgot to ask Johnny if the other was there and found out only when you hopped out of the cars and locked eyes after months.Â
No, you didnât pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die.Â
But when your eyes jump into his again, and cheesily, it feels like the time had stopped, youâre not so sure whatever was, or is, going on, is destined to die.
Itâs awkward when you donât know if you should greet him or not, but luckily in the mess of everyone greeting each other, you lose him in the âcrowdâ of friends. Fortunately, most of them found somebody to bring along so there are double of people than the last time. Unfortunately, that leads you and Haechan to the same room of this summer. Of course, nobody knows, and youâre not quick enough to retort when Mark decides like this after sorting everybody else in other rooms, and Johnnyâs not there to save your ass â probably he wouldnât.Â
The tension can be cut with a knife and you feel like your head is exploding while you two make your way to the room and then start to put your things in place.Â
âI can sleep on the couch,â Haechan says, breaking the suffocating silence.Â
âNo, itâs fine,â you almost choke on your words, unprepared, non-expecting he would talk to you first, âwe did worse things together,â you chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood but you only get a forced snicker back before he turns around and gives you his back again. You know that wasnât the smartest answer you could give, but you donât know how to ease the tension and the heavy weight of guilt in the pit of your stomach.Â
You want to talk, that should be the right moment to do it, to apologize, at least. But youâre tongue-tied.Â
âIs there even something to do here during winter?â He speaks, still giving you his back, and it takes you a while to understand heâs addressing you.Â
âUhm, yes,â you reply. âThe city is nice, and there are mountains just forty minutes away from here so⊠usually with our families we used to ski.âÂ
âGreat,â Haechan hums, standing up, brushing his hands on his pants to flatten the creases of the fabric, ânever done it before. Guess Iâll take a look around town. Last time I didnât get to visit it,â he smiles before walking out and you feel the ground collapse under your feet.Â
You wonât survive three days like this.Â
You hated spending time in that house during winter when you were a child, the sun didnât shine bright enough, the sand was wet and sticky, and you didnât know how to ski, also you never got why your family spent so much money on that sport when they clearly werenât as rich as Johnnyâs parents, and no one of you was good enough for it to even be fun.Â
Now nothing changed, the cloudy weather over the sea is depressing, and watching your friends have fun is not making you feel any better, you still donât know how to ski, and you have a lump in your throat as your brain runs faster than you, screaming how you put yourself in this situation.Â
The tea in your hand is not hot enough, you wasted too much time stealing glimpses at Haechan and his new crush to drink it when Johnny served it to everybody after all of you came back from the â for you terrible â ski session this afternoon. You didnât do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You shouldâve stayed at home, it wouldâve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung â apparently, that was her name â laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now itâs not going better, sheâs sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them.Â
You never had that with him, and the jealousy mixes with bitterness, until you realize that the arrangement you had didnât include any of that. So why did you want it so much? Why do you want to be her so badly right now?Â
You sigh, running a finger on the mug in front of you, staring at the brownish liquid as if by magic youâre going to see your future in it, but you think itâs better like this, youâre pretty sure the picture would be a tragedy anyway.Â
When the talks get irritating, you decide to go back to your room, not even saying anything, youâre not sure about what they want to do, it was in the air to eat at a place downtown but you didnât pay their talks much attention. You decide to go for a shower with the hope it will relax you and wash away some heaviness, but nothing much changes once youâre out and dressed up in clean clothes. It only gets worse when you open your room, and Haechan is there, laying on the bed with a hand behind his head and his phone in the other.Â
You pass in front of him, not saying a word, silently putting back in your purse your shampoo and conditioner, and other things you carried with you. He doesnât talk either. It has been like this the whole day, barely acknowledging each other and now itâs getting too heavy. You owe him an apology, not to make things get back in place, they never will, but because he didnât deserve it.Â
âIâm sorry I pushed you away,â you say, turning around, âIâm sorry I avoided you.âÂ
Haechan lifts his head, a small frown connecting his brows for a while, almost as if heâs trying to get what youâre referring to, and when he does, the muscles of his face relax. âItâs fine.âÂ
âNo, itâs not. I didnât want to⊠to leave you like this.âÂ
âIt doesnât matter, you had all the right to stop it,â he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you donât hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. âI donât cry for sex.âÂ
You hum, but you study his face to understand if heâs serious. Was it just sex for him? Were you just sex for him?Â
âIâŠâ you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and youâre playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. âI have to tell you something.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âI⊠I loââÂ
âHaechannie!â Wonyoungâs voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. âWe are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, weâll have dinner together.â You shouldnât find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way sheâs looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right?Â
âYeah, Iâd love to. Be there in a minute.âÂ
âAh! Youâre the best, baby,â she cheers, running to leave a kiss on his cheeks and then walking out.Â
âYou were saying?â He asks, turning his attention on you, shaking his hair out of his forehead.Â
You shake your head, gulping. âNothing,â you smile, itâs forced and fake, and if heâd look closely, heâd see a tear at the corner of your eyes, but he doesnât. Heâs looking at you with his head slightly tilted in mild concern, but you know itâs just for niceties.Â
âIt seemed serious, though?âÂ
âIt was just another apology you donât want,â you breathe out in a bitter chuckle, rubbing your hands on your thighs while your gaze meets the floor. âI lost track of myself during the time we drifted apart, Iâm sorry it⊠it fired back to you.âÂ
âOh,â he says, âitâs fine, seriously. I just care that youâre fine. You are fine, right?âÂ
You hold back a sob and smile, feeling tears at the corner of your eyes. âNever been better.âÂ
âGood,â he smiles. âYou coming?âÂ
âNo, Iâm tired, Iâll go to bed like a child that has school tomorrow at 8.âÂ
Haechan laughs and then grabs his jacket. ââKay, donât take all the bed. You still have that bad habit, donât you?âÂ
You chuckle, giving him an apologetic look, âI have a bed too big for me only, Iâm not used to sharing.âÂ
He nods and then opens the door. âLeave a small patch for me, and donât have too much fun all alone,â he winks.Â
You smile and then wave him goodbye.Â
If crying yourself to sleep was fun, you were about to have the funniest night of your life.
âBeen a while, isnât it?âÂ
The last thing you expect to find in the morning is Haechanâs face looking down at you with a teasing smirk while you rest too close to his chest.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say, sitting up in the blink of an eye, trying to rub the sleep off your face and scoot away from him.Â
Haechan scoffs under his breath, painting that bitterness with irony, âItâs nice to know you didnât change.âÂ
You chuckle awkwardly and then jump off the bed.Â
âNo, definitely didnât change,â he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldnât do it months ago, he doesnât see how he can do it now. After all, youâve never been his. This isnât different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. Youâre up, putting your hair in a ponytail, rushing to the bathroom to wash up, and he knows you wonât even come back into the room, but run downstairs to have breakfast.Â
You are long gone and he doesnât even know how and why he lost you. Maybe itâs better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on.Â
But moving on from you seems something impossible to do.Â
From that moment on, you two decide you can go back to at least be friends and hang out in the same group again. Itâs not exactly like before, but itâs better than silence and distance.Â
Or maybe not.Â
You canât stand that Haechan doesnât sit next to you anymore, heâs always on the other side with Wonyoung, and you canât bet on it, but you fear that his hand is now resting on her thigh and you hate it.Â
You donât show it, not with words, but your body is a neon sign flashing that you donât want to be there, especially when everyone leaves to take on the dance floor and youâre left with your thoughts.Â
âWhy are you always alone?â Mark asks. âDonât get me wrong, I love Minjeong, but I can still see youâre beautiful and hot, why are you the only single one?âÂ
âThe only one?â Thatâs the only thing your brain registers, making you stare at him with eyes too wide to make it pass like a normal reaction.Â
âWell, it seems that even Hyuck found someone that can stand his annoying ass,â he jokes, pointing at him and Wonyoung.Â
âOh, I didnât get they were official,â you whisper, your lips quiver, making it look like a smile but itâs pure sadness.Â
âSo it seems, heâs quite private over this.âÂ
You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldnât hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does.Â
âWhat about you?âÂ
You shrug, rubbing your arms. âIâm the problem, thatâs why Iâm single.âÂ
Mark chuckles tenderly, sitting next to you. âSo, youâre heartbroken.âÂ
âMaybe.âÂ
âWas it serious?âÂ
âIt wasnât even started.âÂ
âOh, well, isnât that better? Maybe it wasnât even love,â he attempts to lift you up, trying to see it from another perspective. âA lot of times what we tend to consider love is not it. Itâs just a lie, something else dressed up as a feeling that is not that deep.âÂ
Yeah, you wish it was it.Â
âYeah, surely,â you reply, by now there are no emotions in your voice. âI donât care, I moved on. I just hate sitting here while looking miserable.âÂ
âWhy donât you go talk to someone? I think that girl at the bar is looking at you?âÂ
âMaybe,â you whisper, not even caring to follow his finger to see the girl that is, in fact, looking at you. âSorry, I need to go to the bathroom before hitting on people I donât know,â you joke, smiling at him and letting a laugh follow.Â
Mark copies you before his hand touches your arm and pats it gently. âIt will be fine.âÂ
You nod before pulling your lips into another forced smile. You hope so.Â
You donât walk toward the bar, your want to even find someone that can take you home is nowhere to be found, and you sit in a corner to stare at Haechan from afar. He canât be in love with her, right? But then again, why shouldnât he?Â
That torture lasts for a while, and when you think you paid the price for your sin, you grab your things and exit. Sure, you intend to go inside again, Johnny dropped you there, but not now. You need to cool off, and shut your brain. You donât know how, your method was Haechan but now he is the reason why your mind keeps running a thousand miles per hour.Â
Youâll find a way, you always did.Â
âYou shouldnât do that,â Haechan says, leaning next to you against the wall.Â
A grin curls your lips, and you partly open your eyes to make sure heâs real and not made up by your mind. He is very much real, with his denim jacket that doesnât keep him any warm and his â now black â hair falling on his face, while his eyes look at you with too much concern. âI tend to self-sabotage a lot,â you whisper, huffing out the air, âyou should know it.âÂ
âYeah, not like this.âÂ
âHey, I was smoking it!â You scream when he slaps your hand, not hard to hurt you, but hard enough to make the cigarette fall to the ground.Â
âSince when?âÂ
You roll your eyes, watching the cig on the floor becoming completely useless now that heâs stepping on it, and then you shrug, âI donât smoke, some guy offered it to me, and I wanted to see if it has any kick.â
âWhy?âÂ
âWhy do you care? Iâm not your problem.â Your eyes are not on him, staring straight into the night that falls upon the road in front of you, but you can feel his stare burning into your skin. Also, heâs close, and youâre not used to having him this close anymore.Â
He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesnât faze him. âYou said you were doing fine; it doesnât look like it.âÂ
âIâm just tired, I want to go home, thatâs it.âÂ
âYou barely talked, danced, or did anything the whole night,â he points out, rubbing his chin and raising a brow.
âOh, so you donât only have eyes for your girlfriend,â you spit out before you can realize it.Â
âGirlfriend?â He tilts his head, and his lips twitch into a barely visible smirk.
âYeah, the fake blonde.âÂ
Haechan laughs, âJealous, babe?âÂ
âNo. And donât call me babe. Iâm not your problem and Iâm not your babe.âÂ
âSheâs not my girlfriend,â he says resolutely.Â
âOh, well, âcause sheâs all over your dick so it looked like.âÂ
Another laugh rolls from his lips, this time louder and without a nervous grin hidden behind. âYou are jealous.âÂ
âIâm not,â you retort, frowning.
âYou were the one all over my dick, and you decided to stop that.âÂ
âI wasnât like that. I was on your dick, having the best orgasms of my life, but I never humiliated myself in front of you doing silly voices, calling you Haechannieee, or touching you as if you were about to be kidnapped by the aliens and I wouldnât have had the chance to see you ever again, or looked at you with those eyes that could â well, you get the picture.âÂ
âOh, I do. You are so fucking jealous and itâs kinda turning me on, I have to admit,â he teases you with a smug smirk on his face. Â
âShut up, asshole,â you smack his arm. âGo back to her.âÂ
âNah, the aliens are kidnapping me, I guess sheâll have to spend the rest of the night alone.âÂ
You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there.Â
âCome on, Iâm hungry,â he urges, pushing you with more force.Â
âWhat are you doing?â You ask, gesturing nervously with your hands and looking back at the club that was disappearing behind you.Â
âTaking you to our favourite hamburger place, I could eat you right now for how starved I am.âÂ
âI wouldnât complain,â you wink shamelessly. Â
âNot like that,â he says. âIâm not sure you deserve it after the way you behaved.âÂ
You huff but follow him, keeping up with his fast steps, until you reach his car and jump inside. Itâs been a while since youâve been there, and when you stop and think about what happened in the backseats your body heats up, but you try not to think about that, and instead turn on the heater and the music how you like. Haechan only laughs lowly, and you know he doesnât mind, after all these months he knows you can pass as bossy sometimes, and like things in a certain way, so he lets you.Â
âI told you Iâm sorry and you said it was fine,â you retort, not letting his remark of before go unnoticed.Â
âYou just donât read me, do you? Like, fuck, you are hard to read but Iâm an open book and you truly think that shit didnât hurt?âÂ
âI think it hurt you thatâs why I felt like shit, and thatâs why with each passing day I couldnât bring myself to talk to you. I get scared when things go well, and itâs not right, itâs not healthy, and I know I hurt you, but Iâm sorry, I truly am. You can ask Johnny, he knows it.âÂ
âYeah, I know he knows.âÂ
âYou know he knows?â You scream. It is always Johnnyâs fault.
âI know he knows,â he replies with too much calm for your liking. âHe had to spill something when I thought you hated me, and I couldnât sleep thinking about what I couldâve done wrong. He told me you didnât hate me, that you are dumb and donât know how to deal with anything in your life that doesnât follow exactly the path you traced, and I thought âoh yeah, seems fitting of her, not surprisedâ and moved on⊠well, tried to.âÂ
âOh,â you gasp.Â
âOh?â He snorts, shaking his head. âAll you can say?âÂ
âDo you want me to spend the whole ride saying Iâm an asshole?âÂ
Haechan laughs, âIt would be entertaining but I will save you from humiliation.âÂ
âThanks,â you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because youâre back with him by your side.Â
When you arrive at what used to be your place, you sit at your table while he orders your usual. For him, a double cheeseburger and for you, the big friesâ portion with a sauce that only that place makes â that you wouldâve shared with him but only if he begged well enough.Â
âI missed this,â he whispers after a few minutes when youâre both halfway through your order. Â
âThe burger? Yeah, I missed this sauce, God, I will find someone that sells this.âÂ
âI missed this, dumbass,â he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. Itâs like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still donât know what causes it, but you love it.
âOh, I⊠I missed this too,â you mumble, diverting the gaze and cleaning your mouth with the napkin to keep yourself busy.
âWow, wow, wow, wait, you? Getting a tiny, little, small, fainty, invisible bit sentimental?âÂ
âStupid! You make me look like a heartless bitch.âÂ
Haechan raises his brows and cocks his head to the side.
âDonât look at me with that face. You know Iâm not.âÂ
âYou are.âÂ
âI broke my rules for you!â You confess in the heat of the moment, raising your voice, the last words coming out in a squeak.Â
Oh, shit.
Haechan is confused and you donât know how to save yourself.Â
âRules?â He asks with a frown as he stops midway with his hamburger in hand.Â
âItâs nothing,â you shrug, grabbing the cola and bringing it to your lips.
He swallows, shaking his head to try to understand if he got it right. âYou had rules?âÂ
âI didnât.â You try to focus on the fries now, but even the window looks tempting, itâs near and you could easily escape from there and ghost him agaiâ
âSo, maybe you are not a cold, heartless, emotionless, impenetrable, untouchable, person after all?âÂ
You sigh, rubbing your neck, and giving up the escape plan. Like the old times, you can give him what he wants without actually giving him what he wants, right? Just a small peek into yourself and then heâs out. âI let you sleep in my bed, only three people had the honour, Johnny, unfortunately my ex, and you.âÂ
Haechanâs lips curl up and his nose twitches. âYou are the sweetest person for breaking your rule.âÂ
âThatâs not a rule,â you lie but this time he falls for it.
âThen what were the rules?âÂ
âJust eat, and then letâs go home. Youâre so curious for no reason.âÂ
âYeah, you shared too much tonight, would never want to stress you,â he jokes before stealing one of your fries and send you a flying kiss.Â
âThanks for the food,â you say when you both reach the door of your apartment. He usually wouldnât come out of the car to walk you to the door of the complex, and even less he would reach the apartment door. But you didnât stop him when he followed you in the elevator, you didnât even flinch, almost as if that was how it was supposed to be.Â
âNothing,â he smiles. âIt was fun, talking and you know, just us, like the old times.âÂ
You chuckle tenderly, nodding while trying to find the courage to ask one more thing, âWant to come in?âÂ
âI donât have a toothbrush at your place,â he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place.Â
âI should have a new one in the cabinet.âÂ
Things go back to normal after that. Youâre not sure itâs healthy, considering you didnât confess your feelings, arenât sure he feels the same, he had to be honest with Wonyoung without making any names because you two still want this to be private, and the only confrontations you had on your detachment were those two talks. But itâs fine.Â
The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose.Â
But you didnât. Some fears still linger inside of you and sometimes are stronger than others times.Â
âFuck,â you mumble, âdo you really have to push me against the metal bar?âÂ
âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry,â Haechan laughs, pulling away from the kiss.Â
âDonât laugh! This furniture is a menace to society, you need to find something else to put in your entrance,â you say, rubbing your back.Â
âIf you werenât horny like a bunny and waited at least to the couch to jump on me, I wouldnât push you against it,â he says, wrapping his arms around you and starting to walk into the leaving room.Â
âI canât stand you,â you whisper through the kiss, struggling to get him out of his clothes, but after a while, almost everything is scattered on the floor of his living room and you two are rushing to his bedroom.Â
âIs it softer for my princess?â He teases when he pushes you down on the mattress and hovers over you.Â
You roll your eyes but still hum. âI have the back of an 80-year-old, you need to respect that.âÂ
âDoesnât look like it when I fuck you all night,â he laughs.Â
âShould we test it?â Youâre done playing around. After a dinner out, and an hour driving around town, because you wanted to see the city lights, you needed him. The flirts were unbearable and also it had been the longest week of your life.Â
And Haechan doesnât make you repeat it twice, his hands reach your panties and slip between your legs, meeting the wetness thatâs collected there. He doesnât even bother to pull your underwear down, he pushes two fingers into your welcoming warm entrance and starts pumping in and out right away.Â
âFuck,â he breathes out, staring in awe between your legs, âyou take me so fucking well. Missed my fingers? Thatâs why you sent those photos the other day, âcause yours arenât enough anymore and you were hoping I wouldâve rushed here to fuck you.âÂ
You curse, âDonât act as if you didnât start it.âÂ
He scoffs, âIt was just a hand pic, needed to know your opinion about the new watch and rings.âÂ
âAnd the thighs picture?â You try to sound menacing, but his fingers are making your voice tremble, and picturing those images in your mind doesnât help you either.Â
âLiked the new grey shorts? Theyâre pretty, right?âÂ
âFuck off, Haechan,â you gasp, and he laughs deeply.Â
âItâs so easy to mess with you,â he coos, leaning in to leave a peck on your lips. âWas the jacking off video enough to make it up for the teasing?âÂ
âNo,â you cry out. He couldnât play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside, everywhere. Â
âIs this enough?âÂ
âYes,â you moan, opening your eyes to meet his. âJust â fuck â go faster, please.âÂ
His lips curl upward while his two fingers start moving at a faster speed, you almost come on the spot when he presses a hand on top of your stomach and moves his thumb in circles on your clit. Your whimpered âtoo muchâ gets shut down when his lips fall on yours and start kissing you. You feel lightweight, entire body reacting to his touches and kisses, playing you like a violin. His mouth is delicate and addictive and you find yourself thinking nobody ever kissed you like that. You canât put a name on whatever âthatâ is, but you love it.Â
âWhy are you kissing me like that?âÂ
âLike what?â He whispers, huffing air against your wet lips and staring straight into your eyes.Â
Like you mean it.Â
âNothing, just ââ your lips meet his again while your fingers tangle in his hair and his free hand runs on your smaller back, pushing you flat against him. âFuck.â You feel his digits deeper and your brain starts spinning faster while your boobs rise fast trapped in the lingerie that is still on your body.Â
âHyuck,â you cry out, reaching his wrist to slow his movement since you feel too sensitive.Â
âIâm not stopping, babe. Youâve been thinking about this for days.âÂ
âI â I know but ââ
He shushes you again with kisses while he moves your hips so he can hit exactly where he wants, making you scream out when his fingertips start slamming quickly against your sweet spot. You are breathless and you feel your stomach tighten while your legs spread to give him space to give you everything.Â
âCome for me, come on,â he encourages, pressing delicate kisses on your rising chest and whispering praises.Â
Your scream pierces the bedroom of his apartment when one twist of his wrist makes your high explode. Your nails dig deep into his arm in response as the sensations feel overwhelming when he doesnât stop right away, making sure heâs getting every last drop out of you.Â
âHyu-hyuck, enough â enough, please,â you snarl, hips bucking up in erratic motions that make him smirk proudly.Â
âI have a surprise for you,â he says before licking his fingers clean after he pulled out of you reluctantly. He loved making you come with his fingers only, watching them move past your pussy, while your cum coated them and dripped down his wrist and your ass, he loved how he could be all over you.Â
You donât reply but you feel itâs something to be afraid of since heâs looking at you with a devilish grin on his face.Â
âWanna see it?â He smirks, jumping off the bed and shoving his boxers down, finally giving you a sight of his hard throbbing dick.Â
You hum lowly in reply, forcing your eyes up from between his thighs and following him with your gaze as he walks to the closet and roams through something before he comes back to you with one hand behind his back.Â
âYouâre scaring me,â you breathe out.Â
âIâm sure youâll love it.âÂ
Your mouth opens in surprise when he pulls out a small wand vibrator. Itâs not the first time you use a toy, though you never had a vibrator of that kind, youâre just worried about what he wants to do with that.Â
âYou wonât edge me, right?âÂ
âWhy not?â He asks, starting to jerk his hard cock, collecting pre-cum and making it fall on your lower stomach. âYou look so pretty when no coherent words come out of your mouth and your eyes are empty⊠well, filled with lust and me, but empty of anything else.âÂ
You groan, about to lift your torso but he pushes you back right away. âDonât move,â he orders sternly, caressing your inner thigh as he slowly drags your panties down, leaving you bare, and then pulls you closer. His cock brushes over your pussy, but thatâs not where you need him.Â
Haechan laughs, seeing the desperation in your eyes, finding it funny youâre truly thinking he wonât fuck you. âHoney, I need this pussy just as much as you need my cock, I wonât disappoint you,â he groans and then drives his hips back to align himself to your gaping entrance.Â
âWhy do you always make me wait,â you cry out.Â
âBecause it wouldnât be funny otherwise,â he clicks his tongue, wrapping a hand on the base of his dick and then smearing your wetness everywhere on your pussy, but he doesnât slip in. âShould we try this new toy before?âÂ
You huff loudly, rolling your head back and the laugh that resonates through his ribcage makes you want to slap him but youâre left breathless once again when the vibrator starts buzzing right against your clit.Â
âShit,â you curse, fingers gripping the sheets tightly and toes curling. âHaechan.âÂ
âYeah, thatâs my name,â he taunts, playing with the different speeds and you know thatâs not the first time he had the toy in hand, he doesnât need to try it, he just wants to drive you insane, keeping you on the edge as the rhythm keeps changing and the fat tip of his cock is still pressing halfway into your cunt.Â
âPlease,â you beg, opening your closed eyes and struggling to even breathe out that single word as he keeps messing with you.Â
âPlease, what?â He leans down, heâs so close your noses almost touch and his breath hits your lips. âUse your words, babe.âÂ
You inhale deeply, breathe breaking in the middle when he goes back to the higher frequency and you come on the spot, stilling as the rushes of pleasure invade your body and put a proud smirk on his face.Â
âWas that what you wanted?â He questions, kindly lowering the vibrations and pushing just a bit more of his tip into you.Â
âNo,â you cry out, âwant you.âÂ
He quirks a brow, caressing your cheeks gently and kissing your lips. âWill you ask nicely?â He says, but when you only part your lips to let out sinful sounds and barely shake your head, he snaps. âIâm sorry, maybe I wasnât clear,â he fakes a sweet tone before he growls and slaps your clit, âask nicely.âÂ
You gasp, feeling sparks rush through you when the spank hits. âPlease, Haechan, please fuck me. I â I need you to fuck me. Iâve been â shit â thinking about you all week, wanted to â to feel your body and â nggh â your touch, please.â You feel on the verge of tears as the vibrator keeps going on your clit and the man between your legs is barely inside you.Â
But maybe thatâs enough for him, maybe you did great and he will give you what you want.Â
âHow much do you need me?âÂ
Or maybe not.Â
âSo much, so, so, so much. I dreamed of you, day and night, mhh,â you swallow a moan, fighting against another orgasm. âFuck me âtil I forget my name, please?âÂ
Haechan moans, bottoming into you in a second, finally giving you what you deserve.
âOh, God,â you gasp out when he fills you up, feeling overflowing with emotions. âPlease, fuck me,â you donât waste time begging again. You need him to move, to send you into the spiral of emptiness and fullness only he can push you into.Â
âI leave you starving for a week or less and you go completely crazy,â he mocks, picking up the rhythm he knows you love while he keeps the toy in place. âMy greedy baby, arenât you?âÂ
Youâre deep down that spiral because that sweet, condescending tone and the possessive pronoun donât make you mad but instead, they make your heart jump to your throat and your heat clench around him.Â
He smirks when you donât reply and angles your hips better so he can reach where he has you trembling.Â
âYouâre making a mess, fuck,â he groans, drifting his gaze from your face to look between your legs. âYou love this toy. Picked a nice gift, havenât I?âÂ
The teasing, bragging tone of his voice would make you talk back to him but you canât say much. The intermitted buzzing of the toy and the never-ending pounding of his dick are driving you wild. Your head is rolled back and you donât even care to shut down your moans, fuck the neighbours, after you two heard them fuck for three hours straight last week this was fair payback.Â
âHyuck,â you cry louder when he changes the rhythm again and this time the vibration builds up slowly before crashing down, kinda like waves. âYouâll â fuck â too good.â
âIâll what, babe?â He grins. âMake you come again? Drive you insane?âÂ
You nod, jaw slack because you feel like you canât breathe in enough air. And when the nth orgasm breaks through, tears erupt down your face. Haechanâs gentle enough to pull the toy away, probably not cause itâs a genuine move of heart but only because heâs too lost in your blissed face.Â
âFuck,â he curses, shakily moving his fingers to caress your wet cheeks. The last time he saw you cry wasnât a great view, and it was because of an asshole, but this time he is the reason for those tears, and they look so beautiful on your pretty, overwhelmed face. He thinks he loves when you get so vulnerable with him, he doesnât even care that you only get like this during sex, he still has that power over you, and knowing you, this is already the biggest sign of trust you can gift him. âYouâre so pretty, you know?âÂ
A dumb smile paints on your face as your hands reach for him to pull him closer. You feel like your brain is melting and your bones are ashes but you want to feel that skin-on-skin contact more. You want him all over you, deeper into you, seeping into the smallest creases of you so that you canât wash him away for days.Â
Haechan moans your name in a heated kiss when you clench around him. âTaking me so fucking well, thatâs my good girl,â he praises, pushing back again on your lips. âMy good girl.âÂ
âYours,â you whimper through moans and sobs.Â
âYeah, mine,â he whispers back, changing the angle of his thrust so he can hit your sweet spot better and exactly how you like. But right now is just too much for you, between your clit being endlessly stimulated, his cock hitting deep into you and his lips and hands on your body, youâre sure you canât drag this longer.Â
âDonât you fucking dare pull away, hands off,â he scolds, swatting your hand away when you try to get between him and the vibrator.Â
âItâs too much,â you whimper, âI canât anymore.âÂ
âYes, you can, babe. Just one more,â he whispers against your lips, kissing you softly to calm you down. âCan you take one more for me?â He still checks, slowing his movements and slowing down the speed of the wand.Â
You hum, breathing out a choked positive answer and he smiles happily, picking up his ministrations inside of you and on your lips. âGood girl,â he praises, âtaking it all, taking me so well. I ââ he stops, panic flicking behind his eyes but yours are closed and youâre too lost to feel the same rush of fear into you. âIâm so proud of you.âÂ
Your heart jumps in your chest, and you feel like you could melt. Praises have never done anything to you until they started coming out of his mouth. They didnât feel like a mock anymore, or like a nicety said just to be clichĂ© and repeat some erotica-porn-type catchphrase. You know he means it.Â
Your eyes snap open when he starts fucking you faster, turning the vibration at that high setting and never changing it until you wouldâve been done. Curse spill from your lips, but Haechan catches them all inside his mouth. He doesnât do it to keep you silent, Markâs not home anyway, he does it for another reason. Almost as if heâs addicted to your lips, or you.Â
âHyuck,â you breathe out.Â
âI know, baby. I know,â he coos before sticking his face in the crook of your neck to smear wet pecks on your skin. âCome with me, okay?âÂ
You hum, shaking your head in quick motions and trapping your lower lip in your teeth because you know your moans would be screams by now, and before the neighbours might mislead this beautiful sex for a crime scene, you try to keep it under control. Haechan is not as careful as you, his velvety, deep moans slip freely and you canât blame him, your pussy must be gripping him tighter than ever before and be just as wet, the lewd wet sounds are a clear indication of how turned on you are.Â
And something between all that makes you both reach your climax, panting and squirming against each other before you go slack on the mattress and he collapses on top of you, thoughtful enough to turn off the toy and threw it at the side of the bed.Â
You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate.Â
âYou amaze me sometimes,â he whispers mindlessly, letting his hand run on your back, reaching your hair to brush some strands, following their natural pattern.Â
You chuckle, âFor taking your cock so well?âÂ
He snorts, rolling his eyes and leaning closer to you; the temptation to kiss you is strong, and weirdly enough you still havenât moved back, but he knows he canât risk it. âFor taking everything I give you so well.âÂ
âFair.âÂ
You stay there for a while more, waiting for your bodies to recharge a bit but the more he holds you in his arms the more you feel sleep take over you. But you both know you canât sleep in those conditions, so Haechan breaks the magic.Â
âShould we order something to eat and in the meanwhile take a bath?âÂ
You stretch, and hum. âIf you carry me to the bathroom.âÂ
Once he has ordered food and youâre both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechanâs body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you.Â
Thereâs nothing sexual about this, heâs delicately cleaning you with the sponge while you talk about stupid things and make jokes.Â
Itâs warm. And safe. And special.Â
Itâs different.Â
From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this.Â
To a home, not a house.Â
To a place to come back to thatâs full of life and love.Â
To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends.Â
You truly believe you could get used to this.Â
But all the fears you have to face still appear like an insurmountable wall that menaces crashing on you.Â
Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he canât reach you through call, when you still donât answer his texts after five days, he knows he wonât write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again.Â
Heâs mad, furious, even, and once again, he canât understand you.Â
You were back together, better than before, closer than before, and now, youâre gone without a word another time.
He doesnât bother to text you to warn you, heâs pretty sure if you knew he was coming, you wouldâve escaped to the other side of the world, leaving no traces behind. So heâs standing at your door, ringing the bell with no patience, and huffing loudly.Â
When the door opens and you murmur a curse after blabbering Johnnyâs name because you were expecting to find him, your eyes widen.Â
âHaechan?â You whisper, throat dry and hand shaking on the knob.Â
He doesnât say anything, he pushes you to the side and enters the place.Â
âHaechan, I can ââ you start, but his glare stops you.Â
âWhy do you always ruin everything good?â His voice is shaking and so are his lips, quivering even now that heâs not talking anymore.Â
And youâre frozen. Youâre not ready for this. You didnât prepare a speech before, you donât have an explanation about your personality and you two. You spent the last five days working and worrying because things went wrong once again because you let him too close and now he is there, waiting for an answer you were never able to give yourself.
âI said,â he starts, âwhy do you ruin everything good?âÂ
âI donâtâŠâÂ
Haechan groans loudly, throwing his head back and turning around because he canât stand your face, your tears rolling down your cheeks as if youâre the victim in this, and probably partially you are, but why canât you let him in? Why canât you explain it to him? Whatever is bothering you and making you stab him repeatedly. He just wants to know why before he lets you go, but it seems you donât even know how to do that.Â
âYou ran away from us another time and you canât give me an explanation?â
âIâm scared, okay? Whatâs between us is⊠is not going where I planned it to go and itâs becoming so much. I just donât know what to do,â you try to explain, trying to keep your composure and donât shake like a leaf.Â
Haechan scoffs in disbelief, but the truth is that heâs feeling an abnormal amount of pain just looking into your eyes. âWhatâs there to know? I thought we were fine. I⊠I came back to you as if nothing happened, as if you didnât leave me without a word. I hurt an innocent person all because I wanted to be with you, in any way, I donât care. I didnât even want apologies or anything, I just wanted you and I thought we were doing fine but to you, fine is never enough.â
âIt was enough, it is. I â I think itâs too much. I donât know how to deal with this. With you,â you reason, and itâs hard to look into his eyes when you can see all the pain youâre causing. Â
âI thoughtâŠâ he stops, backtracking on his own words because none of this makes sense. You never show signs of discomfort when youâre together, you used to bicker much more at the start than now, so your words sound crazy to his ears. âWhy canât you tell me this when I do things that are too much for you?âÂ
âBecause they arenât too much when they happen. I like what we have.âÂ
âThen why do you run away?â He canât keep his voice low, and those words come out in a scream full of bitter incredulity.Â
You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you canât give him an answer, just a useless apology. âIâm sorry,â you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know youâre being honest, youâre not lying or putting up walls. Itâs just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself. Â
âNo, youâre not,â he retorts, voice lower. âIt happened twice, Jesus Christ, twice. You can go back to your ex, the one who treated you like shit, but you canât at least warn me when you need some time alone.âÂ
You shake your head, pressing your lips flat to hold in the cries. âI donât need some time alone. Iâm confused and overwhelmed.âÂ
âBy what?â Haechan urges again, nervously moving in small steps on the spot, feeling like he could explode at any minute.Â
âEverything. All of this is new to me and I⊠Iâm trying to be a better person. Iâm trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and donât fuck everything up, but I canât. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and⊠and I donât know what to do.â
Haechan is confused. He thought that what you had had never been better than this, so why is it so different for you? Why are your points of view so far from one another and distorted? Maybe that is the problem, after all, you are too different from each other, not compatible, and it will never work. âBut I donât get you, Iâve tried, I swear, I did, but itâs like â itâs like thereâs a wall and I canât get past it.âÂ
You groan, throwing your head back, but you know that if itâs difficult for you to explain it must be ten times harder for him to understand. âItâs hard for me.âÂ
âBut why? I thought I was better than your ex, why are you pushing me away?â He knows heâs not perfect, but heâs never done anything to hurt you, moreover, he always tried everything to protect you and make you feel good, and that went beyond sex. He thought it was clear, but apparently, it was all to waste.Â
Youâre short of words, struggling to come up with an answer. âBecause, because, fuck, Iâve never felt like this before. You fucked me up in a way no one else ever did. Itâs pathetic the way you make me weak. The way⊠the way my walls come crashing down when Iâm with you.âÂ
âOh, really?â Itâs a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and itâs even followed by a click of the tongue.Â
Your voice falters as tears break free from your eyes. Of course, he doesnât believe you. Of course, he canât know how much you showed of yourself, parts of you nobody else has ever seen. âThey do. You simply donât pry in, you donât push me to my limits to make me let you in but the door for you is wide open. I feel⊠Iâm vulnerable.â You stop, taking a deep breath. âWhen Iâm with you, Iâm vulnerable.â
Haechan shakes his head, thinking you canât be serious. The only time you have been vulnerable was because of your ex, and the other times you opened up, well, heâs not so sure you told him anything true. âAnd yet I still donât get you, and Iâm starting to think Iâll never will because⊠you act like a child running away when nothing happens. What do you do when things go wrong?âÂ
âI donât know,â you cry, sliding down on the floor, covering your face with your closed fist. You donât let things in your life go wrong, because they already went wrong years ago and you canât even risk for a tragedy to happen again. Thatâs why you need rules, order, and peace. âIâve never had something like, something likeâŠÂ this,â you confess, looking at him. âIïżœïżœve never had someone like you.â Haechan. The opposite of what you needed until now to survive. There were no rules with him, no order and no peace, but strangely enough, all his opposites didnât bring you war. Yet, that doesnât calm you, something about all of this feels like a bomb to you and he still doesnât understand you.Â
The heavy sigh that comes from his lips makes you look away. âSo, you run when things are good? Will you keep leaving me? Do I have to come running to you, looking for you, not knowing if you want me or if I should leave you space?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
Haechan almost yells. âStop saying that, itâs infuriating.âÂ
âBut I truly have no idea. I just told you. I could tell you about me, but why would you want to listen?âÂ
âBecause I love you?â He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. âFuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I canât keep doing this any longer. I love you. I donât know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I canât have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because thatâs what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They donât run away.âÂ
âYou â you love me?âÂ
Haechan takes a deep breath, and a tear rolls down his eyes as he hums, nodding. âAnd you donât have to say anything, I donât care if you donât love me back, but thatâs why I hate when you act like this because you donât let good things come at you in life, I might not be your happy event butâŠâÂ
âBut?âÂ
âGrow up.âÂ
Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you canât believe youâre hearing them from him. You know that wasnât his initial thought, but he doesnât backtrack.Â
âGrow up because you need to learn how to deal with this shit, whatever it is, whatever is making you act like this. Excuses and apologies are not enough. You might not hurt people on purpose, but you still do and IâŠâÂ
âNo, please,â you scream when Haechan starts walking to the door swiftly, opening it before you can even make him out. âDonât leave,â you cry, struggling to stand on your knees. âDonât leave me, too.âÂ
He stops and turns around gulping but shaking his head.Â
âI need to be alone,â his voice is broken and heâs clearly holding back tears, and youâd like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didnât care about them as you care about him.Â
âI canât keep defending you,â Johnny confesses while he stares at your crying face. You called him sobbing, muttering a few words, but he didnât need more to come rushing to you. He didnât even need you to explain, he knew. Haechan had this over-dramatic way of reacting, posting sad Instagram stories with depressing and heart-wrenching songs, and everything led back to you. Also, he had told him he âbrokeâ everything with Wonyoung and Johnny saw how you two were close once again. So, you mustâve fucked it up once again and that was why you two were here.Â
âYou donât have to,â you weep, hiding your face in his chest, and wrapping your arms around his broad back, deeply hoping he would crash you with his arms and you would stop suffering for all your poor decisions.Â
âYou canât keep sabotaging yourself,â he says, caressing your scalp in circular motions, knowing that always makes you calm down. âI canât keep seeing you like this.âÂ
âI was never like this.âÂ
Johnny sighs, âYou might not cry but if you think that I donât know your fucked up coping mechanism, youâre wrong. And we know well itâs not only about love. Everything good that happens in your life you have to turn into a curse. Why?âÂ
âI donât know.â You know it well, and weirdly it isnât even in your power.Â
âYou had an offer of a job you loved and you lost it all because you thought you were undeserving and played humble, and letâs not talk about the days before the interview you spent feeling sick because you thought you werenât good enough for it.â
A broken sniffle rolls from your lips.Â
âDo we have to go back to the school years?âÂ
âNo, thanks.â You donât need a reminder, the years of tears and stress that you doubled for the standards you set for yourself are still weighing on you, so you donât want to go back there mentally.Â
âAnd love⊠why do you think you donât deserve love?âÂ
âI donât think I donât deserve it. I never felt something so strong and Iâm afraid. What if⊠what if weâre both not ready to settle down and be serious with this? What if it will break my heart?âÂ
Johnny chuckles, âAnd what if heâs the love of your life?âÂ
âOh,â you whisper, your heart speeding up just thinking about it. The long-term scared you, that was why you ran away. You love how you feel good when youâre with him, but youâre terrified it wonât last and once the spell expires you will be left in the ashes.Â
âThe only certain things in life are taxes, if youâre not a rich asshole, and death, but everything else? Itâs a shot in the dark. Donât you think some risks are worth taking?âÂ
âBut it will hurt.âÂ
âAnd isnât it hurting already?âÂ
âOh.âÂ
Johnny smiles, caressing your cheek. âWhy are you so worried about the future? You canât make it perfect. You canât have control over everything, little bird.âÂ
âDonât call me little bird,â you say, emitting a sound mixed with a sniffle and a chuckle.Â
âYou are. And you still didnât learn how to fly. But if you donât fly, how will you live?âÂ
You sigh, rubbing your hands on your face before biting your nails nervously.Â
âListen,â he says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and gently whispering your name to make you look at him. âI know why you want to have control so badly. I know why you think that if you plan it all before, think about all the things that could go wrong, and torture yourself into thinking that you can have power over the wilderness of the world and destiny, nothing else will go wrong, but itâs not like this. We both know it.âÂ
You sob louder, knowing exactly what heâs talking about, eyes dropping to the floor as guilt plunges your heart again. âI couldâve saved him.âÂ
âNo, you couldnât have. Some things are just not in our power. I blamed myself too, so many times. But I swore to him I wouldâve protected you over anything, and if that anything is yourself and your fears, I will protect you from you.âÂ
You wish you could feel better at his words, but they only make more tears stream down your face. âIf I didnât call him, if I⊠if I had someone to come home with this wouââÂ
âIt wouldâve happened,â Johnny stops you. âYouâre not that powerful, little bird. Iâm sorry,â he chuckles, wiping your tears away. âNone of us is. And itâs all about luck, and just occasionally about merits. So, if life sent Haechan to you, donât make him slip away.âÂ
âBut every time I followed my instinct things went terribly, I feel like I carry so much bad luck around me sometimes.âÂ
Johnny only hugs you for a while, caressing your back and lulling you in his arms. âWhen you were a kid and let the sea carry you too far away?âÂ
âMy father almost died.âÂ
âBut he didnât.âÂ
âYes, but then⊠you know what happened.âÂ
âAnd it wasnât your fault. After that you never let emotions carry you, you never let someone deep into you because you think everyone could betray you, and unless you have everything written down you donât do a thing. You hide it quite well, you almost seem normal from the outside.âÂ
You laugh lightly and hug him tighter. You donât feel better, but maybe heâs right, maybe this is your chance to change your life and stop living in fear.Â
âSo, what do I do?âÂ
âYou let Haechan in, maybe explain something to him so he puts his mind at ease because I think that both Adele and Taylor Swiftâs discographies are about to end, he seemed rather depressed in his stories.âÂ
âAnd if it goes wrong?âÂ
âAt least you tried.âÂ
A heavy sigh rolls from your lips as you stare blankly at the floor, nervously biting the inside of your cheeks and, once again, trying to think faster than life, maybe if you change your plans, it would count as if you still made them, right? Or maybe this time there is no plan, and itâs right like this.Â
âI only promised him one thing, and Iâm not going to take my words back, little bird. He wanted you to live, to be free, and to be loved. On the way to you, he called me, ranting furiously about how he wouldâve killed your stupid boyfriend if he saw him somewhere because nobody could hurt you. He only wanted someone that was right for you. Iâm sure he would love Haechan, and who knows, maybe Hyuck is truly sent from above.âÂ
When your closed fist crashes against Haechanâs front door to knock on it you feel like you could pass out. You keep torturing the inside of your cheeks, chewing the flesh nervously, while your right foot nervously bounces against the cold floor.Â
You slightly jump back when the door opens and your eyes meet with his.Â
âWhoâs â Oh, itâs you,â he whispers and he almost sounds disappointed, you wouldnât bet on it, but his eyes are not looking at you like they usually would and that makes you regret even more that you came.Â
âCan we talk?â Your voice is weak and hardly comes out, vocal cords shaking like your body. âNo, we need to talk. Please,â you add to donât sound too rude, itâs the last thing you can be, given the position youâre in.Â
Haechan sighs, rubbing his face and then moving to the side to let you in. The house is dark, the only light comes from outside, and dead quiet.Â
âWhy are you here?â He questions, crossing his arms and watching as youâre about to sit on the sofa. You stop halfway and gulp, standing up again and clinging to your purse. âYou can sit.âÂ
You do, fixing your clothes and looking down at the floor.Â
âSo? I donât have all day,â he urges and the coldness of his voice is the tenth bad sign thatâs screaming you shouldnât do this.Â
âAbout us.âÂ
Haechan chuckles, itâs a bitter laugh, trapped in the back of his throat while his eyes roll to the sky and his head shakes. âUs? Now you decided thereâs an us?âÂ
You bite your lower lip and clench your fists. âPlease, just let me explain.âÂ
âSure, canât wait to hear some other bullshit youâll have to tell me before disappearing forever,â he says, sitting in front of you, and the distance feels unbearable. You had never seen him this cold, not even when you went back to the coastal town this winter.Â
âListen, Iâm here to talk like adults, okay? Can we please stop being childish and put the pride away for just an hour? Then Iâll leave if you want to.âÂ
He hums, heâd love to add that he doesnât want you to leave, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to talk.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say. âFor everything I did to you. Trying not to hurt myself I only hurt you and I didnât want to.âÂ
He babbles something under his breath, shaking his head, he canât even be mad at you for long and he hates it.Â
âAnd I donât want you to forgive me, but I think I owe you my honesty, and a bit more of me, you knowâŠâÂ
âYou donât have to.âÂ
âNo, I do, because you let me⊠you let me in. You talked about your family, about your struggles, how you moved here on your own and I said a few things and I even lied.âÂ
Haechanâs face cannot be read, probably a fragment of stupor crosses it or maybe disappointment, but then he scoffs. âWhy am I not surprised?âÂ
âI didnât â I didnât think we would ever get here,â you confess. âYou were supposed to be just sex, Haechan. To be honest, I didnât even want you to be that. Johnny dragged me to that bar and here we are.âÂ
He gulps, moving his eyes up and down your figure, and then takes a deep breath. âWe donât have to be anything, I just wish you wouldnât cut me off like this all the time because it hurts. I care about you and the idea of hurting you, even involuntarily, kills me. Itâs pathetic, I know, butâŠâ he sighs, rubbing his temples, âbut itâs the truth.âÂ
Your heart jumps and you canât believe his words. So is this how it feels when the person you love the most is about to give you up? âBut I do.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âI â IâŠâ you choke up on your words, fighting the tears back. âI want to â I donât know why it is so hard.â No, you know why, because the last time the words âI love youâ slipped from your lips you were bent on a deathbed, beginning your other half to stay alive, to donât leave you in the madness of the world at fifteen, promising him from then on you were going to listen, to stay in track and never break a rule, but it was all in vain. And now confessing that something as strong as love ties you to someone that wasnât in your life since forever makes you shit yourself.Â
âYou donât have to fake it if you donât feel anything. I know I crossed a line, I know what our rules were and Iâm aware I broke them so no, I wonât blame you if I lose you,â Haechan says, stopping probably to gather the courage to add the last words, âI know I already did.âÂ
âNo, you didnât,â you say. âLet me talk, please?âÂ
Haechanâs not sure, taking time to consider his options, but then nods, humming lowly. This might be the last time he has you like this, if he didnât listen to you now, he wouldâve regretted it forever, staying up at night thinking about what you had to say.Â
âRemember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?â Haechan nods, even if he doesnât get its correlation with you two. âI lied. They never fought; my brother died,â your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, âIt was all my fault.âÂ
âWhat?â He blurts out, eyes wide and mouth open. âI mean, Iâm sorry, God, it wasnât supposed to come out like that but⊠IâŠâÂ
You chuckle, shaking your head. âItâs alright, I wouldâve reacted the same way if you pretended your brother was alive and well.âÂ
âIt didnât happen recently, right?â Heâs afraid all this time you left, it was because of that, maybe you were going through a loss and he wasnât by your side. Â
You shake your head, playing with your fingers. âI was fifteen, and he was only twenty.âÂ
He mentally takes a breath of relief knowing it was in the past, but he doesnât feel any better, itâs clear itâs still hard for you to talk about it even if seven years went by. âBut⊠unless you didnât kill him, how can it be your fault?âÂ
âIf only I didnât call him, if only I listened to my parents and never⊠never dated him or went on that trip, my brother would be here today.âÂ
Haechan tries to talk but you stop him. âBut thatâs not why I talked to you about this, I mean, I still have to talk to you about this. I hope it can make you understand why⊠why Iâm like this.âÂ
The man in front of you swallows, and you can read it in his eyes heâs not so sure anymore he wants to dive deep into you, but itâs the only way he can at least try to forgive you.Â
âI know it sounds crazy but, when I was a child, I was reckless and only trusted my instincts. I loved living to the fullest, you know? I always tried new things and nothing really scared me. I was like this even with people, I always saw their good, but sometimes the good never even existed.âÂ
Haechan doesnât talk, he only looks at you, listening attentively. And that makes you relax a bit, that was one of his thousand virtues, he always listened and emitted this sense of calm. Â
âI was like this even as a teenager when I didnât know men are shit since the day they are born.âÂ
âFair,â he agrees.Â
âIâm sorry, like, some of you are just terrible and when I was fourteen I fell for the worst one, but I couldnât see it. Iâve never been a loser, not in a clichĂ© way, but he seemed so cool in my eyes. He was pretty, popular, funny, for the broken humour of fourteen years old me, and he could do so much more than I could and I was in love, not really looking back at it now, and jealous.âÂ
âI guess he was older?âÂ
âHe was, he turned seventeen when I turned fifteen and we werenât together until then, but I was⊠a child at heart. I didnât feel ready to try a lot of new things and he always pressured me into them. My parents didnât like him, but I was headstrong and didnât listen. Anyway, we dated for a while and everything was fine, until one day he asked me to go camping with his friends. I was so happy, it was my first night out with people I wasnât super close with and we were under the sky, in my mind it was going to be the most romantic night of my life until it turned into a nightmare. My parents didnât want me to go, so I had a fight with them and my brother took my defences, saying that I had to make my first experiences and if something happened I could always call home, so they gave up. But I was still mad at them and didnât want to call them when things went wrong, proving they were right wouldâve killed my pride, so I called my brother. I knew he wouldâve never said anything to me.âÂ
âDid he⊠force you?âÂ
You shake your head. âNo, but they were doing drugs and mixing it with alcohol and I was afraid, I only knew him and two other girls, but never was in touch with his friends and they were all starting to get too violent, and I didnât like the jokes, the jokes about me. They started mocking me, for being too naĂŻve, and pure and he didnât say a word to defend me, he even laughed with them, straight to my face. And then the alcohol made him confess he hated how we still hadnât fuck because I wasnât ready, and after that, I snapped. I was terrified he was going to find a way to make it happen somehow that night and I didnât want to be there. I had nobody to defend me and I couldnât stay there. So I grabbed my things while fighting with him and ran away, in the middle of the wood, crying and heartbrokenâŠâÂ
âSo you called your brother?âÂ
You nod, wiping away the tears. âHe came rushing, and he wanted to address them but I just wanted to go home, technically to Johnnyâs place, I didnât want to see my parents and we had this plan we wouldâve kept it a secret from them.â
âSo you were already friends with Johnny?âÂ
You nod. âWeâve always been, thatâs why I tell you that I could never be attracted to him, he has always been like my second older brother, and now heâs the only one I have left.âÂ
âYou donât have to go onâŠâ Haechan says, seeing how much youâre shaking and how weak your voice is.Â
âNo, I do, I need to. I trust you,â you confess, and the beam behind his eyes dims your tension. âWe were driving to Johnnyâs place, it was late at night and it also started raining. I know it wouldâve happened even if he wasnât mad because we were in the right, he was driving well, but if only I didnât call him up he wouldâve been at home and not in that damn crossroad.â You canât go on and you lower your head while you try to gather your thoughts and stop your body from shaking. You feel Haechanâs hand reach yours and you hold it tight after the sofa hollows as he sits next to you.Â
âThe last thing I remember is his hand on my thigh while he caressed my hand to calm me down, and the static, deafening sound in my ear of the crush, the pain and his hand slipping away.âÂ
âSo, you were there?âÂ
âYeah,â you whisper. âHe didnât die on the spot, he suffered for like a week, he even woke up, barely had time to talk one last time to all of us and then his heart had a failure and they couldnât save him.âÂ
âIâm so sorry,â he says, contemplating hugging you but it feels out of place, so he only keeps caressing your hand. âAnd you?âÂ
âBroken leg, broken arm, a minor brain trauma and something else but Iâm still here, and heâs not. And why? Because I decided to follow my dumb heart.â
Haechan feels out of place but after what you heard he canât keep quiet. âI⊠I think he loved you too much to blame you for something that wasnât in your power.âÂ
âI know, I swear. I went to therapy, and I know itâs not my fault, I accepted his death and I know he wouldâve thrown himself in the flames for me, but I canât let go of this fear in my everyday life. Not having control drives me crazy and with you, I lost it so soon, it never happened before.âÂ
âI donât know what to say,â Haechan confesses, heâs still holding your hand because it feels like the only thing he can do. But other than that? He canât protect you from your fears and he doesnât know how to give some control into your hands, itâs not in his power either.Â
âI love you,â you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. âAnd thatâs the shitties confession ever, and Iâm so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I⊠I canât keep losing good things in life because Iâm afraid of taking risks. I canât erase you, Iâve tried, but I canât.âÂ
Haechanâs mouth is wide and heâs not sure if he went completely insane or if those words came out of your mouth for real.Â
âI canât move on from you. And I donât need all the big answers I was searching for to give this a reason, I love you, itâs simple as that.âÂ
âIâŠâ he tries to answer you, but he feels his heart racing and head spinning, you just said you love him, twice.Â
You stand up and start walking back and forth. âIâve never been so honest, but I canât stop thinking of you, dreaming of you, even. And I canât believe I love being with you so much. God, you were supposed to be just a one-night stand and here we are, you washed over me like a rouge wave and...â you chuckle, eyes glistening as happy tears wet them â... I canât even care if it made me drown. I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and donât have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.â Â
You canât read his expression, your heart dares to say heâs happy, surely shocked and probably thrilled, but your brain is still the annoying douchebag that makes you feel he doesnât want you back.Â
âAnd I know Iâm hard to be with but if you want me, if you feel like you can take me for who I am, I promise that I wonât disappear ever again and I will let you in.âÂ
Haechan chuckles and then raises his head to smile at you. âYou are the wildest rollercoaster Iâve ever been on, you know?â You hum, smiling sadly. âBut I canât get off.â Your eyes light up at his words and your heart starts beating again as if it has been brought back to life.Â
âSo you donât hate me?âÂ
He shakes his head, standing up to be face to face. âI donât think I can.âÂ
Your smile lights up the room, and Haechan leans closer. âSo, can I kiss you or are we breaking another rule?âÂ
You chuckle. âWe are. I think this is the only one we never broke, we never kissed outside of sex.âÂ
âOh, so this one has to be specialâŠâ he caresses your cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, rubbing your skin with his thumb and then leans in, ââŠto us?âÂ
You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. âTo us.â When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings. Itâs soft, and thereâs still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know itâs going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips.Â
Haechan hits different. Haechan is like a high-speed train and a bullet to the heart. Haechan is like jumping in the void with no parachute on hoping wings will grow from your back to keep you floating. But itâs good and it makes you feel alive, a feeling youâre now sure you had forgotten a long time ago.Â
And maybe, after all, you have to thank Johnny for this.
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