#ah! maybe this ties into my completion anxiety issue

[xamaxenta]

Also i know its not a race and theres no rush but sometimes i wish i was a little faster at finishing art

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

16 + 22 + 23 for Jensen and Bryce!

ah tysm!!!! going into more detail than i need to but idk how much u know ab them. so.

16. how does your OC feel about their parents?

jensen has a very complicated relationship w his mom. his dad wasn't really in the picture after he was 5 or so (when he moved to the states) so it was just him and his mom until he was 15-16 ish when she lost custody. while a lot of people see it as black and white, just accepting she was a "bad" mother, jensen has always defended her bc he knew she was trying her best. and maybe she wasn't all the time, but he had to believe it for his own sake. they struggled a lot bc she really had no plan when she moved them. for many years they bounced in and out of assisted housing programs, friends couches, shelters, and questionable apartments, and it led to a lot of tension and anger and abuse (mainly emotional/verbal). jensen got into some trouble, which blew up into huge issue that ended up w him in juvie for a month (dw, all resolved and his record was sealed bc the incident in no way warranted that amount of punishment) which is how she lost custody. they haven't talked since then (despite jensens efforts over the years) and jensen doesn't fully process or get over that relationship until he's in his mid 30s

as for bryce, canonically he has a terrible relationship w his parents. they fucked over a LOT of people where he grew up (property tycoons turned white collar criminals) which completely severed any relationship he had w his community and culture. the second he went to college he cut ties w them aside from a few calls here and there to talk to keiki (his younger sister by 12 years). he's been trying to get as far away from them as possible since then, going to cali for undergrad/med school and boston for residency. canonically he ends up talking to his mom when keiki unpromptedly comes to live w him bc he can't exactly afford to take on a child, and another time during book 3. in my hc, he never has a strong relationship w his mom or dad again. he talks to them when he needs to for keiki, and tries not to start shit, but he really has no desire to rekindle a relationship w them (but ESP his dad as he always put more pressure on him when he was younger, which meant A Lot of fights and arguments). he ends up being close w an aunt on his mom's side, but that's ab as close as he gets to ever having a relationship w any parental figures

22. what is holding your OC back to achieve their goals?

both bryce and jensen are very committed to achieving their goals (they are both generally regarded as cold and pushy by others in their field/year) but ofc they have obstacles

bryces is his confidence. he is so used to doing everything right and perfect that the second one small thing goes wrong he crumbles. it's seen a couple times in canon, and truly he freaks out if something goes wrong and it's his fault. jensen helps him work through it (in a very point-blank jensen way) but it's always hard for him to learn from mistakes bc he is completely in denial that he can make them

honestly jensen is in his own way a lot? he pushes himself hard. to the point where he needs to take a break but won't acknowledge it until he's going to die, or at least feels like it (but even then he's good at ignoring it). he locks in on one goal to the point of ignoring everything else he needs to focus on. he's just not great at balance. and at the same time, he has a lot of anxiety and depression and ocd and undiagnosed autism that has always felt like a hurdle he had to go over. he's always felt that things are 10 times more difficult for him than they are for everyone else, and he never knew why. but he's also never let himself acknowledge it or slow down to accommodate himself. there's just very few times in his life that he's slowed down enough to consider himself as a factor in reaching his goals

23. what are your OC’s biggest flaws and biggest strengths?

(vibrating in my seat ab this one. oh bryce the lies im ab to spill ab you) bryces biggest flaw is that he is so committed to the image he's made of himself. bryce was thrown into life w no idea what he was doing, so it was a lot of guesswork. to combat that, he has developed this perfectly carefree, confident, egotistical, and arrogant image of a person that has pushed him to the top of his class and his profession. he essential faked it till he made it. and in a way, that is his biggest strength, too. he pushed through so much bs just by pretending he was okay until he was that honestly, people believed it. but the second something happens that's out of his control? something that completely disrupts the front he has built and perfectly molded for years? he fucking loses it. lots of breakdowns, lots of depressive episodes, he just can't handle it. and it takes him a while to pick himself back up, and sure, he will, but it's the massively unpredictable stuff that makes him stagnant for days, weeks, months on end

jensens biggest strength is that he is resilient as fuck. it has a lot to do w him just growing up poor, but also bc again, he does not make space to accommodate himself. he will push and push through so much shit until he gets to a space where he can allow himself to be comfortable. but, his biggest flaw is that he is convinced he isn't resilient. he has been there for every fuck up, every rock bottom, and every point of no return. he feels that the bad has outweighed the good, as if theyre on a scale at all. again, this has a lot to do w the undiagnosed autism, but he has always felt like there's something different about him in a way that he had to "fix". that makes it difficult for him to do things "right". eventually he starts to learn and grow from this, and can acknowledge that actually, yeah, he HAS endured a lot of bs that he hasnt just unpacked yet. but it has just always been in the back of his head in a way that weighs him down a lot

[bvidzsoo]

White Lilies

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

 Warning: swearing, violence, mentions of death, stalking, breaking in, borderline toxic relationship, allude to some mental health conditions but never named

 Word count: 26, 815

 Summary: Your brother, Kim Doyoung, works for the police. Ever since you finished high school, you moved away from home with him and now you live in a big city. You struggle with different things, but the worst one is the tendency to stalk others. And one day when you walk inside a coffee shop and come across a very handsome stranger, you can’t help yourself, he becomes your next target. Jeon Wonwoo. But he isn’t innocent, you find that out the hard way.

 Taglist: @chal-kagyu​ @taeyongandfree​ @minkwans​ @itsdnguyenxoxo​ @rjsmochii​

 Unable to tag: @cheolliehugs @3rachaonlyfans @leahxxiong

 A/N: Here it is! The spin off to Poison, it can be read as a stand alone, if not check out the mini-series: Poison. Minor things will make more sense. I hope it doesn’t bother you that I tagged you for this too, since it’s connected in some ways. Now, there’s things I have written in this oneshot that are totally not okay and I am very conscious of them, so please, if you ever come across a stalker or someone who harassess you, please report them, your safety is very important. But this is fiction, and I’m allowed to write whatever I want to. All the sentences in italics are the voices that Y/N hears. Enjoy now and don’t forget to leave feeback!

           All mornings were usually the same, it was a routine I became accustomed to a long time again. Five years ago, actually, when Doyoung and I moved away from home. There is only a two-year difference between us, so it was easy for me to follow him, having been already done with high school. Doyoung completed the police academy and he was being promoted, brought to Seoul, so I packed up and left my old life in our hometown. Nothing tied me to that place, I never liked it there. My parents were hot headed and they always argued with me, trying to convince me to become a house wife, to find myself a wealthy man that would care for me and for our family. But it wasn’t what I needed; I had always been a free spirit. I liked to explore and disappear from civilization from time to time. Like in eleventh grade, when I sneaked out and disappeared for ten days, the whole city was looking for me. However, I was living in the woods, by the outskirts of the city, in a small hut with a nice, old lady. She moved there after she gave up her job, because she wanted a peaceful life, surrounded by nature only. When she saw me wandering around, she offered me some tea and I accepted it, surprised to see someone living there. The hut wasn’t deep inside the woods, but it still took me by surprise that a lady like her wasn’t afraid inside there all alone. I wasn’t a big fan of forests, but being surrounded by trees and the green scenery always calmed my erratic nature. It was hard for me to stay still sometimes, that’s why Doyoung and I would regularly go on runs, to try and use up my energy on something. In school, I didn’t do very well, but it didn’t bother me. I was able to finish high school and get a diploma, but I didn’t want to go to college. I found it a waste of time and money, I decided I would find something that I liked doing and would excel in it. And with the help of the old lady from the hut, I realized I had a passion for photography. I got my first camera from her, and ever since then I didn’t stop taking pictures. It became my passion and my hobby, it earned me money. I was known for taking nature pictures, sometimes even of animals, and I had my own little blog where I posted all of my works. Sometimes I’d have my pictures put up in galleries for expositions, I earned well during those events. The small house Doyoung and I lived in, was full of all the pictures I took. We lived in a homey, quiet neighborhood, deep inside the heart of the city. Doyoung earned well and my salary always fluctuated, that’s why I decided to stay with my big brother, at least until I had gathered enough money to live on my own.

The house smelled of bacon and peppermint tea as I opened the window of my room, letting the fresh morning air in. I was already dressed for the day, camera packed safely inside my bag, waiting for a call. I wore dark velvet cotton pants and an oversized grey sweater with a deep V, due to which it fell off my shoulders. Ankle high heel boots and a few necklaces I used as accessories complimented the look. It was becoming warmer and warmer outside, which was great, because I never liked wearing coats. Besides, I rarely needed them, I had the unusual trait of not exactly feeling the cold. I was always underdressed during winter and it scared some people, especially Doyoung because he had the impression that I’d catch a cold, but it’s just how my body was, always too hot. I checked my phone to be sure that Mark didn’t decide to text me instead of calling me, but seeing there was nothing, I closed the window and took my bag, leaving my room. I closed the door after me, a habit I had, and headed inside the kitchen. Doyoung was in his police uniform already, moving around quietly the kitchen.

“Good morning!” I called loudly, sitting at the table, with my chin in my hand.

“Good morning.” Doyoung greeted, quieter, and turned around with a plate and mug in his hands. He placed them in front of me and I grinned, thanking him. I took the fork and dug into my breakfast, humming at how tasty it was. Even if our mornings were always the same, the breakfast wasn’t. Doyoung always had something up his sleeves, either trying out new recipes he searched up late at night, or just trying to replicate mother’s old recipes. I took a sip of the peppermint tea and pursed my lips, giving Doyoung a thumbs up as he closed the stove and turned to sit with his own plate and mug in his hands. He chuckled and mirror my thumbs up, before starting to eat too. We ate in silence, it’s how we were in the mornings, quiet. It was the only time Doyoung could savor the silence, because it was the only time I was silent. My hyperactivity followed me through all stages of life, I still struggled with staying still…that amongst other things.

Doyoung cleared his throat and I glanced at him, before checking my phone again, “What are your plans for today?”

“Ah, the usual.” I answered with a smile, trying to look nonchalant, so that he wouldn’t realize I was lying, “I’ll just go to the park and take some pictures if I find something I like.”

Doyoung nodded and took a bite of his bacon, “Don’t you think it’s time to…find a more stable work?”

“Like what?”

“Getting employed at a studio, maybe? You know…you could go to weddings, birthdays…all kinds of events to take pictures.” Doyoung’s suggestion was friendly, but it still angered me. I left home because I didn’t want to hear the constant nagging of our parents, but here he was, doing the same thing.

“I’m a nature photographer. And I wouldn’t like working inside a studio, or whatever.” I said a little harshly, making Doyoung sigh.

“I’m not judging you or trying to tell you what to do,” He knew how I could react to these things, he knew how much anxiety my parents induced when they would try and tell me what to do with my own life, “It was just a brotherly advice, because I worry about you.”

“You don’t have to!” I exclaimed cheerily, my phone ringing at the same time. I shot my hand out to grab it and answered the phone, already knowing who the caller was.

“Target is getting ready to leave, he’ll be at the same Coffee Shop he was for the past week.” Was all the person said before I hung up, stuffing the rest of the food inside my mouth hurriedly. I scrambled up from the chair and clumsily threw my phone inside my bag, trying to chug down the peppermint tea at the same time.

“Who was that?”

“Just some person trying to sell me something—” A burp I couldn’t control surfaced and Doyoung’s eyebrows furrowed in displeasure, but I just gave him an apologetic smile, “I’ll see you after work.”

I pressed a hasty kiss against his cheek, then raced to my car and unlocked it, throwing my bag inside before getting in. I would have to get to the Coffee Shop before the target gets there, to choose a good spot. This is what Doyoung didn’t know about me. I wasn’t just a nature photographer, I worked together with his colleague, Mark, whose job was to gather information about the targets the police had. He was really good at it, but sometimes he couldn’t gather enough information by sitting behind a computer. That’s where I come in play, I go out and stalk his targets. A year ago, Doyoung had a gathering with the colleagues he was closer to and I was invited too. Mark got really drunk and I offered to drive him home, that’s when he started telling me about his work. About how he already almost got fired twice, because his information wasn’t good enough or it was lacking. And because I was always seeking new experiences and new adventures, I proposed to help him. Of course, he’d have to pay me, but I’d stalk the targets for as long as he’d need me to. Until all information that was needed was gathered for him, which he could turn into a report and pass onto the higherups. He accepted without a second thought in his drunken haze and I was beyond happy; but I asked him to keep it a secret, especially from Doyoung. If my brother were to find out, he’d definitely either lock me up in our basement or send me back home, both were things I wouldn’t be able to survive. And being in this city was good for me, it was big enough that it distracted me from my other issues. Back in my hometown, everyone knew almost everyone and it was too easy to find someone you wanted to know. Which was bad for me, bad for someone who had stalking tendencies. That’s why I have been working with Mark for a year now, I was just too good, no one ever discovered me or my identity. I knew how to stay low-key and I knew how to work around the targets without them noticing that someone was trailing them almost 24/7. Having this job, it distracted me from getting infatuated with anyone, I didn’t have the time anymore. And it was a lot more thrilling to be trailing different people each month. It was a distraction from the dark voices in my head, which tried telling me that the next man that appeared around the corner could have been the love of my life. Or the woman that I ran into at the flower shop, could have been my soulmate. I hated those thoughts, and I battled with them my whole life. I used to take medication, it silenced them while I was a teen, but it still didn’t stop me from stalking others. So, as I grew older, I stopped taking them and I started spending more time in nature, where I was alone. Photography wasn’t just a job for me, it was my own therapy.

           Everything was set up perfectly, I grinned widely as I leaned back in my seat. My bag was on the chair next to me, the camera placed on the table. For this to work, I needed as many people as there were inside the Coffee Shop to see it. Thankfully, traffic wasn’t bad and I got here five minutes before the target. I sat close to the exit, from where I could see the whole shop well and could run away too if something happened. The target too was really transparent, he sat at the same table he’s been sitting at for the past week. Next to the big windows, behind his table there were a bunch of plants decorating the place and a painting of flowers was hung above it. Which was perfect for me, my plan was coming together. The target has already ordered his coffee, so now it was my time to do something. I took my wallet and walked up to the barista, having hung the camera around my neck. The weight of it was comforting, having worn it for so long, that it became something familiar. I smiled at the barista and looked over the menu behind her, acting like I was thinking of what I wanted, offering her enough time to take in my attire closely.

“I’ll have Caramel Macchiato.” Finally, I told her and she nodded, returning the smile, as I handed her the money.

“A name?” I was glad this wasn’t the barista who took my orders the other times, I didn’t want them to recognize me. I wouldn’t come to this Coffee Shop either way anymore after I was done with this job.

“Y/N.” I answered the barista and she nodded, passing the cup with my name written on it, to her colleague. She printed the receipt and handed it to me, her eyes falling onto my camera. As there was no customer behind me at the moment, she looked at me curiously.

“You’re a photographer?” She asked as the coffee brewer started making loud noises.

“A nature photographer!” I told her with excitement and the barista nodded her head, offering me a friendly smile.

“I tried it once, it wasn’t made for me.” We chuckled at her words and I just shrugged.

“It requires patience and technique, for sure.” I said and she nodded her head in agreement, “By the way…this floral arrangement—”

And then I turned my body sideways, eyes falling on the target. He was just a few feet away, I made sure to speak even louder, so that he would hear me, “The floral arrangement is so pretty! Do you mind if I take pictures of it?”

The barista thought about it as my drink was done and handed to me by the other worker, “I don’t think it’s a problem, go ahead!”

“Thank you!” I bowed my head a little and she bid me farewell. My plan was working, I just needed to do one more thing. So, with the most innocent expression I could muster up, I approached the target. I knew he heard the conversation between me and the barista, but I wanted to make sure he understood what I was about to do.

“Sir, excuse me—” I spoke softly, almost shyly, “Do you mind if I take pictures of this floral arrangement? You won’t be in frame at all.”

“Go ahead.” He answered me with a very uninterested shrug, the wrinkles around his eyes made him look older than the age Mark told me. I bowed my head and placed my Caramel Macchiato on top of his table, turning on my camera. I kneeled on one knee and started snapping photos of the plants, pursing my lips, trying to get the perfect angle. Then I rose to my feet, and took another one, the painting above it being included in the shot too.

“I’ll take some more from my own table, just letting you know…” I spoke up again, but the man wasn’t paying attention to me. I smirked a little, grabbing my drink from his table, cradling it in both of my hands. With a victorious look on my face, I turned with enthusiasm and took a step forward blindly. My body slammed into another body, and we both yelped loudly. Mine was high pitched, but the other one was deep and almost guttural. My heart started thumping in my chest loudly, taken aback by the accident, and hopeful that I didn’t spill my drink on my favorite sweater nor on the person I ran into.

“I’m so—” But when I looked up, I was left breathless. The man standing in front of me was frowning, looking over himself, to check if anything got spilled on him. Thankfully, the lid of the drink was put on really well and the way I was holding the cup stopped it from spilling out. The thumping of my heart became deafening and all I could see suddenly was the man standing in front of me.

He’s the one. Don’t let him slip past your fingertips.

The dark voice, however, quickly snapped me out of the state I almost got lost in. The target, I’m here on a very serious mission, Mark’s counting on me. But the man’s eyes would be forever ebbed inside my mind, I knew I would think about his sharp, fox like eyes before going to sleep tonight…or every night. Round glasses sat on his long nose and he pushed them up with his long fingers, they almost fell off at the impact. When his lips started moving, all I could see was the redness of them and how deep his Cupid’s bow was. Then I snapped out of it, eyebrows furrowing as I totally missed what he just said.

“Uh—I’m really sorry.” I said awkwardly, stepping back when I realized how close our bodies were to each other.

“It’s fine, you didn’t spill any on me…or you.” His eyes went to the sweater I was wearing for a second before he looked back up. His deep voice sent goosebumps down my skin and I very visibly shivered, but I wasn’t cold. The dark blue hoodie this handsome stranger wore seemed to be alright.

“Yeah, I didn’t spill it…” My mind felt like it was made out of gum, I had no coherent thoughts and it made me feel awkward. Taking a last glance at the handsome stranger, noting how his black hair was clumsily parted above his left eye, I bowed, and then willed myself to move away.

He’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

I walked back to my table and took a seat, taking a deep breath in. I can’t let myself get distracted. I run into strangers all the time; this handsome, deep voiced man wasn’t different at all. I couldn’t let the voices get to me, I had to focus on the target. So, I took a big gulp of my Caramel Macchiato and then looked at the target. He was tapping the table almost nervously, so I turned on my camera again and took two pictures of him, then one of the floral arrangement to make sure it didn’t look suspicious. I looked around the Coffee Shop and my eyes fell on the handsome stranger, who was laughing with the barista. What could they have been talking about? The jingling of the door snapped me out of my own thoughts and I watched as a tall woman, wearing a business suit, walked inside. Her hair was in a low ponytail and she looked fairly young, I almost lost interest in her, but then she sat across from the target. I took another picture of the floral arrangement and then snapped a bunch of pictures of the two, making sure the woman’s face could be seen well in all. There was movement in the corner of my eyes and I saw the stranger sitting at a table close to the front desk.

You should snap a picture of him too.

I cleared my throat and took another sip of my drink, the target and the young woman got up from their table, and I quickly went to grab my bag and pushed my camera inside. As I stood up, a name was called.

“Wonwoo?” And I saw the handsome stranger stand up and walk up to the barista to take his drink. Wonwoo, that’s his name. But I shook my head and waved at the barista with a cheerful smile as I quickly left the Coffee Shop, eyes narrowing to see the couple. To my luck, they were walking on the other side of the road, so I remained on this side and fished out my camera.

So, you’ll leave Wonwoo for that pathetic old man and the woman? He’s not more important?

I shook my head and snapped a few pictures as I walked on the sidewalk, getting to a cross. I crossed the road and cursed when they disappeared around the corner, I had to speed up; and threw the cup in the trash bin as I have finished my drink. I looked around once I turned the corner and panicked for a second, thinking I lost the target. But suddenly, I spotted them sitting on a bench in the park, so I headed that way. I started taking pictures of the river and the few birds sitting by the shore, then of the trees that have blossomed already. The white cherry blossoms were beautiful and I smiled to myself as a light breeze brushed my hair. Then I willed myself to focus again and turned the camera towards the target and the woman, who had decided to take a walk. There was a decent distance between them and I, and to anyone else, it would look like I’m taking pictures of the nature; which I was still kind of doing. The couple walked around for at least five minutes, and I decided to sit on a bench and watch them from there, putting on my shades as the sun was directly in front of me. I was just about to snap a picture of a little duck family, but the woman leaned in towards the target and I quickly started snapping pictures of them. It looked like she whispered something in his ear and then a kiss was pressed against the target’s cheek and the woman walked the opposite way they have come in. I snapped pictures of her alone too before turning back towards the target, who was on his phone. He was on the other side of the river, and I couldn’t have reached him in time, or follow him, my car was ten minutes away from here. So, I just continued snapping more pictures, and my eyebrows furrowed when someone got into the frame. The black hair covered the side of the picture, and I moved a little to the left, leaning against the trunk of a tree. I snapped pictures of the license plate and of the target as he got inside the car, seeing someone already inside of it. I smirked to myself as the car drove away and pulled my phone out, going to my contacts. I pressed the icon next to the name ‘Money Bag’ and it dialed the number.

“Anything?” Mark picked up on the first ring.

“A young chick showed up, but they split up and I lost both. My car wasn’t close enough.”

“That’s fine, where are you now?”

“At the park, by the river.”

“Okay, meet me in front of the town hall.” I hung up and placed everything inside my bag as I started walking back to my car, enjoying the weather and the warm sunlight. Spring was finally around the corner, it was the perfect time to snap pictures of nature, or at least, my favorite time. As a second thought, I took my camera into my hands and turned it on, curious of how the nature pictures turned out. I scrolled past the ones of the target and woman, and chuckled when the one with the ducks came into view. They were cute, people would like this. As I continued looking through the pictures, the ones where someone got into them, made me frown. I was about to delete them, but my finger paused. Black hair, sharp jaw, long nose, round glasses.

You know you can’t delete it. You can’t fight the urge, can’t you? Wonwoo’s the one, listen to us!

           The town hall wasn’t far from the park, so I didn’t bother driving there. Besides, I liked taking walks. It helped with calming me, even though I was desperately in need of a run right now. After waking up, Doyoung and I go straight for a run, but I slept in this morning and I’m sure Doyoung woke up later too as he worked until late last night. He said his boss, Sana, was making him work extra hours because she was sniffing around a very powerful mafia leader. I was aware of the illegal things some people did, sometimes the people I had to stalk for Mark weren’t the brightest, I was well aware of that, but I was never offered information about them. It was Mark’s way of protecting me from harm, which I didn’t think did much. If I was caught, they wouldn’t care if I knew or not things about them, I probably would have been still tortured. Which is why I asked Mark to keep the details to himself, if I knew that I was stalking a mafia leader or some other gang member, I probably would’ve been too scared to go through with the procedure.  

I was shifting my weight from one leg to another as I stood waiting around for Mark, pouting when I looked down at my wrist watch. I’ve been standing here for ten minutes; I was becoming really bored. I took my phone and sent a text to Doyoung, checking up on him.

From Doyoung: Just had my lunch break, I’ll be heading back to work. It’s possible I’ll be back late once again.

To Doyoung: No problem, I’ll leave some dinner for you.

From Doyoung: What are you up to?

To Doyoung: I’ll be going for a run in a few minutes, see you at home!

From Doyoung: Take care of yourself!

I smiled and as I looked up, Mark was walking towards me. I started waving at him with a big grin, my phone almost fell from my grip, but I managed to steady it. Mark was wearing dark jeans and a black hoodie, with a black baseball cap on his head. If this was him trying to be casual, he was failing.

“Stop drawing attention to us!” He said with a hiss as he came to a stop in front of me and I frowned.

“That’s not how you should treat someone so important to your team.” I said and Mark rolled his eyes, extending one hand. He was gripping some cash and I took it with a grin, quickly placing it inside my bag.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” I said teasingly and Mark rolled his eyes again, I handed him the memory card, “Take good care of it! And don’t delete the other pictures I took; some came out really well!”

“I won’t.” He said with a grin and then looked down at the card, “Your job is done here, wait until I contact you again. You could go on a vacation or something.”

I laughed quietly, giving Mark a look, “Yes, captain, I might just do that.”

Mark shook his head before taking off with a wave, I waved back and then turned to walk inside the second-hand shop. I greeted the lady and told her I just wanted to change inside the cabin, so she left me alone. I changed my normal attire into my running one. Yoga pants and adidas, a black top with a fluffy hoodie over it. I pulled my hair in a low bun and stuffed everything inside my big bag, it’s why I carried it around. Random runs were the best, always exciting as I never knew where I felt like going for one. I smiled at the lady from front desk as I left the shop, heading for my car. The walk was quick because I tried to hurry up, excited to go for the run. Once I got to my car, I placed my bag inside and then locked it, having my phone and keys in the pocket of the hoodie. I headed back to the park where I took the pictures of the target and woman, and first did a little warm up. I stretched my legs out and back a little, and then started running. I took steady breaths as I ran down the path, my pace not very fast but not slow either. My heartrate picked up as I continued running and I marveled in the peace around me. The scenery brought a smile onto my lips as I ran past some couples; I willed my mind to stop thinking. It was a hard thing to do at first, I was always thinking of something, but I had to learn due to the dark voices that would sometimes push me into doing things. I could ignore them, now better than when I was younger, but it was still difficult. The problem was, they could drive me crazy, I couldn’t ignore them forever, and in times like those, I would disappear. Doyoung hated it when I did that, but I haven’t had an episode like that in long.

But you can’t stop thinking about Wonwoo. You want him, you know it. You can’t lock us away anymore, Y/N, we are here. Wonwoo wants you too. Didn’t you see the way he looked at you? He fell for you, Y/N, listen to us once again. Do it. Just ask Mark. He’ll find him in a second for you. You didn’t delete his picture; you have his name—

A loud shout left my lips as I tumbled over some rocks that were on the path, but thankfully I didn’t fall. My eyebrows furrowed as I crouched down to hug my knees against my chest. I can’t let the voices get to me. I can’t let one stranger fuck up what I built up with so much struggle. I couldn’t let a stranger rule my life. I wouldn’t let the voices get to me, no matter what. I was stronger than that. With a deep breath, chest rising and falling quickly, I turned around and started running back. The energy burst I had this morning seemed to have disappeared, which was a good sign. I would have to take a bath at home and then cook some dinner, edit the pictures I took today after Mark drops off the memory card and post them on my blog. Well, that settles it then, I smiled as I came to the end of the path. I slowed down to a walk and took deep breaths, leveling my breathing. I turned to walk on the sidewalk and felt the breeze brush my hair once again, making me shiver a little bit. My body was warm from the run and I concluded that sitting inside my warm car while I was sweaty was probably a better idea than spending more time outside, in the cold breezy weather. But my mind went numb when I saw the black-haired man sitting on a bench with a book in his hands. My feet were still moving, but it felt like I wasn’t in control of it anymore. The Universe was really testing me today. I bit my lower lip and unconsciously grabbed my phone inside my pocket.

No, the Universe is doing for you what you didn’t want to do, Y/N. He’s right there, sitting on that bench, waiting for you. How could you let this opportunity slip past your fingertips? You want it, so do it.

I didn’t realize it until it was too late, my finger had already pressed the button, a picture of Wonwoo having been taken. I hated myself for doing it, but it felt like all stress finally left my body. I felt at ease, I wasn’t fighting with my thoughts anymore, with the dark voices. In the end, I really didn’t have a choice but to fall back into my old habits. And I was doing so well, until Wonwoo showed up. What will Doyoung think if he finds out? I can’t be sent to a psychic ward again, it wouldn’t help. They never help; I hate the medication they give me. I can survive without them too. Maybe if I stalk him for a week or two, I can get rid of the voices and go back to how I was before meeting him. But I pressed the button again, another picture snapped of Wonwoo. I wasn’t walking anymore, I was rooted in one place, mouth hanging open as I gazed at Wonwoo in awe. I must have looked hilarious, crazy even, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t look away; I couldn’t even move. But then suddenly, he didn’t flip the page of the book like he was planning to do, instead, he looked up. And his eyes fell on me, as if he felt that I was looking at him, and I jumped. His furrowed eyebrows snapped me out of my delirium, his sharp gaze sent a shiver down my spine and suddenly I found myself running away. I didn’t care what he thought, I was ashamed that I let the voices control me; it was time I headed home. It would be safer for everyone else if I just stayed at home.

That’s our girl, you’re doing amazing.

           The first thing I did once I got home was clean the house, my blood was boiling as I lost grip of the voices, which kept celebrating for I have taken those two pictures of Wonwoo in the park. In that rage, I deleted them from my phone and threw my phone in the trash bin I had in my room, slamming the door shut as I went to the bathroom to grab what I needed to clean the house. I turned on music, played it loudly too, blocking out the noises coming from outside, but the voices in my mind too. Due to my rage, I was done in almost two hours, it usually would take longer if someone tried to clean the house alone, we had a lot of stuff despite it not being a big house. Once I calmed down, I went to the kitchen and made some ramen, sweet potatoes made in the oven, and some seasoned pork. I went and bought beer for Doyoung and myself, and after putting them in the fridge, I decided to check my phone to see if anyone tried looking for me. It was six in the afternoon and I hoped Doyoung didn’t think that I was kidnapped…well, he’d actually know that. For my own safety, he installed an app on my phone that could track me. I only accepted it because I knew he worried a lot about me, Doyoung and I had a strong bond and the episodes I had always broke him mentally, I tried to be a better person for him too.

From Doyoung: I don’t think the ramens in the cupboard are still edible. Text me if you get home!

To Doyoung: Well, I cooked those ramens, so now they are edible! Sorry, I cleaned the house so I wasn’t around my phone…

From Doyoung: Cleaned the house? Are you feeling alright?

I chuckled at the fast reply, no surprise Sana made him stay plus hours if he hung on his phone while on duty.

To Doyoung: Don’t worry, I’m feeling perfectly fine! I hope Sana pays you well if you stay after working hours!

From Doyoung: Don’t worry about that, she stays with me.

To Doyoung: Oh! Someone’s getting it!

I laughed as Doyoung started typing back, imagining his angry and flustered face.

From Doyoung: Don’t be silly, Y/N!

To Doyoung: Okay, bye!

I laughed as I walked to the bathroom, turning on the warm water to have a bath. After the long day I had today, I deserved a warm, relaxing bath. I got a message from Mark, a thumbs up, and I knew the memory card was in the mailbox, so I quickly jumped into some shoes and ran outside to retrieve it. I locked the front gate, Doyoung had keys too, and then hurried back inside the house. I placed the memory card on my desk and then proceeded to undress while walking back to the bathroom. I turned the faucet off and threw some bath salts into the water, pulling my hair in a high bun. I shut the blinds of the bathroom and sighed, biting my lower lip. Would it be so bad if I asked Mark to look up Wonwoo a little bit? I wouldn’t try to do anything, I just wanted to know him better? I wasn’t doing anything wrong, right? I picked up my phone reluctantly as I sat on the side of the bathtub, easing my legs into the water. I went to my gallery and to the pictures I deleted, they didn’t get instantly deleted from my phone, they were stored there for another month before finally getting deleted off the device. I selected the two pictures of Wonwoo and sent them to Mark.

To Mark: His name is Wonwoo. Remember that favor you have going on? Return it by looking this guy up.

I threw the phone onto the clothing pile that was on the ground by the bathtub and lowered myself into the water, feeling bad that I couldn’t resist the urge. It was too easy with Mark, when I was a teenager, I would do everything by myself. It was thrilling to run after someone, watch them from a distance not knowing if they would notice you or not. And if they indeed noticed you, you could always play it off somehow. But this was safer, I couldn’t risk falling back into my old habits. It was like gambling or drugs…you needed rehabilitation from it, but the yearning never really goes away. I hated myself for doing this, but without the medication I so refused to take, I wasn’t strong enough. I wouldn’t admit that to others or myself, living in a lie was always easier. But tonight, I would allow myself to live in a fantasy.

·       Name: Jeon Wonwoo

·       Birth date: 1996. 07.17.

·       Height: 1,82 m

·       Siblings: Kim Mingyu, apparently they are both adopted

·       Job: Chauffeur of a business man

·       Places he’s frequently seen at: National library, Sunday Gym, Red Corner bookstore, various parks around his neighborhood, hiking trails around the forest, Soul BBQ, Sky Blue headquarters

·       Car: red Mercedes CLS class

·       Additional things I found about him: It seems like he has thirteen close friends, he lives with his adopted brother; but I couldn’t find the address anywhere. Surveillance cameras say that he usually goes to read in the park, by the river, and he drinks a lot of coffee. I’m pretty sure he wears glasses, but there’s few pictures of him wearing it. I’m sorry, Y/N, for some reason this is everything I could find about him. He’s got a clean record, and even the little information I gave you I could barely find. Something’s fishy, but maybe he really isn’t that interesting. I wouldn’t bother with someone like him. P.S. Don’t tell anyone I helped you gain information on him, they’ll fire me!

       The birds chirping were the first thing I heard as I woke up, then the hurried knocks on my door. I groaned loudly, voice hoarse from having just woken up, and the knocking stopped.

“Get up, it’s almost 9 am!” Doyoung’s voice called from the other side of the door and I sighed, burying my head in my pillow, “I’m heading in to work later. I can drive you to wherever you want to go, if you want me to.”

That definitely got my attention as I raised my head, “Okay!”

I cleared my throat and jumped up into a seated position, looking around my bed. Printed pictures lingered scattered around the blanket and my laptop was on the verge of falling off, so I grabbed it and got out of bed. I walked to my desk and placed it on top of it, leaning against the edge of the glass. I looked down at the pictures that were on my bed and decided, that I would do this. I stayed up until late night to research myself as much as I could about Wonwoo, but he had no social media. I found a few yearbook photos of him, but they didn’t help with much. Mark was right, he seemed to be a very boring person…he almost felt like a ghost, like his real identity was buried deep down. And that was exciting, so, if Doyoung had already offered to give me a lift, I could just head to the Red Corner bookstore and check it out for myself. Hopefully, Wonwoo would be there. I still don’t know his schedule, but if I start lurking around the places Mark told me about, I can very easily follow Wonwoo around once he shows up.

After having breakfast with Doyoung, we both got dressed and I gave him instructions to the Red Corner bookstore and we were off, rolling down the busy streets of the city. My fingers were tapping against my knees in excitement as I tried to stay still, trying not to alert Doyoung that I was feeling excited about something. But he was my brother, and he noticed.

“I didn’t know going to a bookstore could make you excited.” He raised an eyebrow and I chuckled, shaking my head.

“It’s not that, I’m just in a good mood!” I tried to lie, but Doyoung just shook his head; I knew he didn’t believe me.

“So…now you suddenly like to read?” He asked with a teasing grin and I scoffed, turning to look at him.

“What do you mean?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms in front of my chest, “I always liked to read!”

“Fashion magazines, maybe.” I huffed and it made Doyoung laugh as he drove through an intersection. Once Doyoung was done laughing, he cleared his throat and briefly glanced at me.

“You wouldn’t be so excited about books unless you’re stalking someone.” I failed to pick up on the playfulness in his voice, the way he bit his lower lip to try and stay serious. My heart started suddenly beating really fast and my grip tightened around the seatbelt, my whole body became tense. How did he realize? Did he walk inside my room while I was sleeping? Was it something in my words that gave it away? Did I get worse at hiding my feelings? I could feel Doyoung’s gaze on me, but I couldn’t move out of fear. I was scared of what was coming next and ashamed. But then, Doyoung gasped and I had to look at him.

“I’m sorry!” He exclaimed, panic lacing his words, and I became confused, “I didn’t mean to say that—I—I worded that so badly, Y/N—”

“Oh,” I chuckled, trying to collect myself, “No, it was a joke! I totally get it!”

I couldn’t believe I almost gave myself away. He had no idea; he was just teasing me! I chuckled again, feeling at ease as I turned to look at Doyoung again. “Seriously, I totally got your joke!”

“I’m still sorry—” My laughter interrupted Doyoung and he just shook his head, still looking guilty.

“I could become an actress if my reaction made you react like this.” But in truth, my reaction was genuine and I was so thankful that Doyoung didn’t realize that. He could read people very easily, but maybe as he was driving he couldn’t focus fully, which was great for me. Doyoung sighed and he pulled up to the sidewalk, looking at the Red Corner bookstore, which was just across the road. I smiled and unbuckled the seatbelt; I pressed a kiss against Doyoung’s cheek then got out. He offered me a small wave before driving away. I took a deep breath and smiled, looking around the street. It didn’t look like a very busy neighborhood; a few people were walking here and there. To my right there were many narrow alleys that lead to the main road, and I took off down the street. Why would Wonwoo come to a bookstore in this side of the city if he could go to the big one at the mall? Wonderingly, I crossed the street and carefully approached the bookstore. It wasn’t open yet, so I figured I could go to the coffee shop I saw while Doyoung drove us here. The bookstore would only open in half an hour, I still had time. I walked down the street with a skip in my steps, smiling widely. I had a feeling today was going to be a successful day, but for that I needed Mark to leave me alone. I was hoping he wouldn’t get a new case for at least a week, the potentiality of following Wonwoo around without him knowing had me in a very good mood. Sleeping on the choices I took yesterday definitely did well, I wasn’t feeling as bad about as I was yesterday. Yes, it was still wrong what I was doing, but as long as no one got harmed, it wasn’t something very bad!

I entered the coffee shop and walked to the front desk, ordering my usual drink of choice. When it was done, I walked to a table and took a seat, it was by the window, and took a sip of the Caramel Macchiato. I watched the people who passed by and took another sip, relaxing in the chair, feeling content. The melody playing in the shop was pleasant and I bobbed my head to the rhythm. The bell chimed and I watched the beautiful girl that walked in, her hair was dark brown and wavy. She had bangs and she was tall, definitely a beauty.

You could follow her too, she’s your type. If Wonwoo backfires, you have an alternative.

I almost laughed out loud at the words whispered to me by the dark voices, feeling truly entertained. It was so easy to find someone, like I said, it could be literally anyone. If I found them attractive, nothing was stopping me from stalking them. But I shook my head, took another sip of the drink, and ignored the voices. I wouldn’t let them take full control over me. And as the beautiful girl waited at the front desk, my back straightened as a very familiar red Mercedes came into view. It was Wonwoo’s car. My heart started thumping quickly and for a second I didn’t know what do to, so I relaxed into the seat, trying to stay low-key. The beautiful girl saw my sudden reaction and she looked at me concerned, but I just smiled at her, trying to show her that I was fine. When she turned her back on me, I grabbed my phone and quickly went to the camera, snapping a picture through the window. Wonwoo couldn’t be seen, all windows of the car were tinted, but he didn’t get out. I quickly locked my phone when I heard the heels of the girl getting closer as she walked by me and I waited patiently until she was out of the shop before I sprung onto my feet. My knees accidentally knocked into the table and it took the barista off guard, I hurriedly went up to her and handed back the now empty glass, thanking her for her services. She gave me a funny look but I ignored her as I almost ran out of the coffee shop.

“Bye!” I called to her with a wave before exiting, and stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. Wonwoo’s car was still there, but I didn’t know if he was in there or not, so walking up to it would have been too risky.

Oh, here comes the fun we’ve been all missing.

My whole body was shaking in excitement as I thought of my next move, deciding to walk by the bookstore. I could peek inside and see if Wonwoo was in there or not, the windows were big enough to see everything from the outside. So, I started moving, fingers tapping against my palm anxiously, heart thumping wildly. This was always exciting, but also nerve wrecking. I had to move without being seen…or recognized. But, I was sure Wonwoo had already forgotten my face, I was just an ordinary, clumsy girl who almost spilled her coffee on him.

No, the image of your face has been forever printed into his mind, Y/N. He’s watching you, just like you are watching him.

I stopped walking, the woman behind me almost ran into me as she was taken off by my sudden lack of movement. She gave me a glare, but I ignored her. I was right in front of the bookstore and my heart was beating even faster. What did the voices mean? Does Wonwoo know that I’m stalking him? That can’t possibly be true…why would he…

Are you the only person that stalks in this world?

I shook my head and closed my eyes for a second, trying to block the voices. The thought of that creeped me out and I didn’t want to think about being possibly stalked. Then I mustered the courage and looked inside, seeing two girls at the front desk. No trace of Wonwoo, however, as I looked around the place. Not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, I walked by and rounded the corner, leaning against the red cobblestone wall. Well, if Wonwoo wasn’t inside, he must still be in his car. Which is bad, because Doyoung drove me here. I didn’t think I’d have success on my first day of keeping my eyes on him, so I didn’t find coming with a car necessary. But now, I regretted my decision. With a sigh, I took my phone in my hand and was about to search for a cab, but then I heard laughter. Deep laughter. Coming from around the corner. My heart skipped a beat as I peeked around the corner, he was standing there. Wearing light blue jeans and a turtleneck, his dark hair in his eyes and round glasses sitting high up on the bridge of his nose. I quietly exhaled, taken by the sight in front of me. Wonwoo laughed again, his voice was still deep, his laughter was short but warm. The way his lips pulled up into a huge smile it melted away the cold expression I’ve seen him have in the pictures I found of him. His eyes didn’t look as menacing anymore. Not even realizing that I was doing it, I snapped a few pictures, hopeful that I caught his smiling face. But he was with the beautiful girl, and she was touching his arm. So then does Wonwoo have a girlfriend? And it’s the beautiful girl from the coffee shop? It isn’t impossible.

You could have both…or you could get rid of one…

“Shut up!” I hissed, and quickly ducked back behind the red cobblestone wall, scared that they heard me. They were a good distance away, and there was noise on the street, but I could never be too sure. I hated the dark voices, especially when they suggested getting rid of someone. I could never do it; I didn’t want to. I would go too low, I would disappoint Doyoung so much. If I killed someone, he’d be the one putting me behind bars. I didn’t want to see the pain on his face, pain I caused for him. I didn’t want him to suffer or worry for me anymore, he’s had enough of it while we were still young kids.

The slamming of the bookstore door snapped me out of my thoughts and nervously, I peeked around the corner again, seeing Wonwoo walking away. He was headed towards his car, so I didn’t bother following him at first, but when he went past it without getting in, I grinned. He wasn’t leaving just yet, that means I can follow him around! Fixing my hair and keeping my phone in my hand for comfort, I took off after Wonwoo, keeping a safe distance between us.

And I had a very successful day. Wonwoo stayed in the neighborhood for three hours, just walking around. I snapped plenty of pictures of him, ones I would have to copy on my laptop the second I got home and delete them off my phone. He did go and had breakfast at a tiny local restaurant, which had amazing food by the way. They had some traditional cake that I haven’t eaten before, and I made a mental note to return there from time to time. Maybe with Doyoung, he’s always had a sweet tooth. Then Wonwoo went for a short walk in the park, before he went back to the bookstore. He came out with a book and then went behind the bookstore, to a playground, sat underneath a big willow tree and read. For two hours, he didn’t move from there. His hair was moved by the breeze from time to time, his lips pursed sometimes, and eyebrows furrowed every once in a while. His glasses kept falling off and he had to push them up every five minutes. I’m assuming when something was interesting or tense, he’d bite his lip or thumb, eyes running over quickly the words on the white pages. I took a picture and I was able to see the title of the book, ‘I’ll be gone in the dark’. So, he was into crime books, I looked up and smiled in his direction. He just became more and more mysterious. I was aching to know who he truly was, what he truly liked, I was yearning to hear his beautiful laughter again. And as if Wonwoo finally noticed that someone was watching him, he looked up. And he looked at me. We made eye contact, my heart started beating like crazy, my hands shook.

What will you do now Y/N? Isn’t this just thrilling?

But suddenly a tap on my knee made me jump. I looked down confused and saw a little boy grinning up at me. My eyebrows rose as I watched him; he had his hands behind his back.

“Hello?” I asked confused, glancing around to see if he was with anyone. A couple elderly people were by the entrance of the playground, chatting. He was probably with one of them.

“Hi!” The boy said shyly and I offered him a warm smile.

“Can I help you? Are you lost?” I asked him, making sure that he wasn’t here alone.

“No.” He shook his head with a chuckle, then looked down. I chuckled and looked at him confused; he was shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“You’ve been sitting here for a long time,” He suddenly said as he looked back at me, “Aren’t you cold?”

I didn’t know how to answer him, he took me off guard. What was a little boy doing, talking to a stranger?

“My jacket is thick, I’m not cold—”

“Do you like that man?” When the little boy suddenly pointed at Wonwoo, my heart jumped into my throat. I was praying he wasn’t looking my way anymore, and thankfully; he wasn’t. Actually, he was gone. Disappointment settled in and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked around, trying to spot him.

“He’s gone.” I whispered, standing up abruptly. My legs were sore, my ass actually hurt. I should have moved around, not sat there unmoving for two hours straight.

“This is for you.” The little boy chuckled and I looked back down at him; he was holding a little white flower. I took it from him confused, but he just grinned at me and then ran off. What a strange encounter that was. But after that, I went back to the bookstore, and Wonwoo’s car was gone. He had left. That meant I was done for the day, he could’ve been anywhere, and I was actually really cold. So, I called a cab and went home, changed and then went for a long run. I needed to clear my mind, block the voices that were so violently trying to dictate me my next move. I wouldn’t let them rule over me, I was the one in charge of myself and my actions.

After I got home, I showered and cooked some dinner, then I sat in the living room with the TV on as I copied all the pictures I took of Wonwoo onto my laptop. My cheeks felt warm as I looked at them again. I printed two, one where Wonwoo was smiling and one while he was sitting underneath the tree. The breeze had picked up and his hair was blown all around, he was pushing up his glasses, his lips in a tight line. The pictured offered me calmness and as I was looking at it, the front door got unlocked. Franticly, I closed my laptop and threw the two pictures into the folder I was using to store everything I had on Wonwoo. Doyoung looked tired as he walked inside and I was standing very awkwardly in the middle of the living room.

“Hi!” I called out loudly and he looked up, taken aback by my presence there.

“Uh, hi.” He greeted back, giving me a questioning look but I just giggled.

“I cooked dinner!” I tried to diffuse the awkwardness and Doyoung started grinning.

“Thank God, I didn’t have lunch today, I’m starving!” He said as he pushed his shoes off.

“It’s important to have lunch.” I said as I walked to the fridge, taking out the food I had prepared.

“Yeah, but according to Sana, so is raiding the Sky-Blue headquarters.” Doyoung said defeated and my eyebrows furrowed. Where have I heard that name before?

“Why? What’s there?” I asked curiously as Doyoung took off towards his room.

“The mafia Sana is sniffing around.” And with that he went inside his room to change and come to have dinner. But the report from Mark said that Wonwoo frequents that place often. Why? Does he maybe know there’s a mafia inside there? Or is he oblivious to it?

And you thought he was boring? Aren’t things getting more and more interesting?

“How was your day?” I slammed the plates on the table and it made Doyoung wince. I gave him an apologetic grin as I placed two forks and some napkins too next to the plates.

“Uneventful,” I said with a sigh, going to the living room to grab my stuff, “I’ll be right back, I’ll just put these in my room.”

Doyoung hummed as he took a seat at the table, placing food on his plate. I hurried to my room, clutching the file tightly to make sure it wouldn’t open and free its contents onto the floor as I carried the laptop in my other hand. I entered my room and went towards my desk, placing my laptop on top of it. The file I placed on a shelf of my bookcase and as I was about to leave I noticed how the temperature was a bit colder than in the other rooms. Looking around, I noticed my window was slightly open and with a sigh, I went and closed it and locked it. It wasn’t unlike me to forget to close it back if I happened to open it up. And just as I turned around to leave the room for good, my eyes stopped on my nightstand. Five white lilies were placed in a tall glass with water. I remained rooted to the spot, warmness spreading in my chest. It’s been long since I got flowers from someone. How did Doyoung get these in here without me noticing the flowers when he got inside the house? I chuckled and shook my head as I went to have dinner, stomach churning loudly. It felt nice to get flowers. Even if they were from my brother.

           I should have taken Mark’s offer and went on that vacation he proposed, but my mind wouldn’t let me do that. I had a new mission, and it was following Wonwoo around. For a whole week I was vigilant enough that he didn’t notice me and now I knew his habits. In the mornings, he’d take that beautiful girl to the bookstore and then go buy himself coffee. Sometimes he’d go back to that park and read for a few hours, other times he’d leave and go to the gym. He would spend a lot of time at the Sky-Blue headquarters and drive his boss to less or more sketchy places. His boss was Kim Mingyu, it crossed my mind to research him too and follow him around for a day or two, but he was giving me bad vibes. When I trailed after Wonwoo’s car when he was with Mingyu, I felt like the two knew I was there. Sometimes, they’d drive around in the same neighborhood twice and I would have to take different turns in order to make it seem like I wasn’t following them…but it almost always led me to lose them. After Wonwoo was done with his work, he’d go to the national library and spend hours there, so much, that I was starting to worry that he’d fall ill from not eating and drinking enough. In fact, he barely ate anything all day, maybe he did it somehow when I wasn’t watching, otherwise I can’t explain how he remained energetic and standing for the whole day. On the third day of watching him, I decided to enter the library myself and try and find a book that I would enjoy. He switched from the book he was reading to a different one, in fact, every day he read something different. It was confusing, and I was dying to ask him why…but the right moment hadn’t come for it yet. One day, I got so immersed in my own book that I totally forgot about keeping my eyes on Wonwoo too and when I looked up from my book, Wonwoo was gone from his usual spot. I looked around a little too frantically, my knees bouncing fast. I waited for two more minutes before I sprung up onto my feet and took off towards the section I took the book I was reading from. I heard hushed laughter coming from nearby but I was busy trying push the book back in its place, so busy, that I totally missed the deep tone of the laughter. When I finally had the book in its original place, I turned and took off pretty much running, which led me into stumbling forward as my shoes got caught in the carpet. I gasped and ran into the bookshelves in front of me, barely catching myself from falling.

“Are you alright?” A feminine voice asked, and as I turned to answer them, my heart stopped beating. The woman was standing next to Wonwoo and they were both looking at me confused and concerned. I gulped and suddenly my throat was dry as my eyes jumped from the woman to Wonwoo and then back at the woman and then again to Wonwoo. I was waiting for him to point at me and yell that I’m a psycho stalker, but he just looked confused and I quietly sighed.

“Yeah, sorry!” I said awkwardly and bowed my head quickly before turning around and running away embarrassed. It was good that Wonwoo had no recollection of my face, it means that he didn’t pay much attention to me at the Coffee Shop and he also didn’t know that I was pretty much stalking him. As much as stalking Wonwoo made my week better and definitely uplifted my mood, the highlight of my week were the daily white lilies I was finding in my room each evening. I didn’t know how Doyoung was doing it, I could swear I saw him enter empty handed each evening, but maybe he was turning into a magician and was trying his tricks out on me. I didn’t say anything to him, wanting to act oblivious to his nice act if he wouldn’t say something first. But I had my concerns regarding Wonwoo and the relationship between him and the beautiful girl from the bookstore. She worked there and seeing them each morning together gave me the impression that they were on really good terms…possibly even dating, even though I’ve only seen them hugging. So, for that, to check it myself, I had a plan. I bought a copy of the book I saw Wonwoo reading in the park and one morning, on a Tuesday when I knew Wonwoo wouldn’t be the one giving a lift to the beautiful girl, I headed inside the bookstore.

The bell chimed loudly and it was warm inside. The radio was playing through the speakers at a low volume and the girl I was here for was at the front desk. My eyes fell on her and I noticed how she hasn’t had curly hair ever since that day I saw her in the Coffee Shop. She was concentrated on her phone, smiling as she typed quickly. I cleared my throat and walked up to the front desk, leaning against it. It took her a second to realize that someone was standing there, looking at her.

“Oh, hi!” She had a powerful voice; it didn’t take one long to realize she was a confident person. I smiled at her kindly and tapped my fingers against the counter.

“Hi…” I looked around quickly, feigning nervousness, “I’m sorry to bother you here…”

Then I looked at her name tag and read her name, “Hyemi, pretty name! Anyways…uhm, this book…”

I grabbed it out of my bag and placed it on top of the counter, “Wonwoo borrowed it to me and well…I’ve had it for too long and I want to return it.”

“Oh, you know Wonwoo?” Hyemi’s eyebrows rose as she took the book from me and looked at it, “I’ve seen this one laying around in his house.”

Oh, so she knows where Wonwoo lives. And she was there too. You knew this was coming, Y/N, but are you ready to face the consequences? What if you have to give up both? You can always get rid of one of them…you know it’s not hard…

“I’ve met him at the library, sometimes we talk,” I said with a shrug and took the book back from Hyemi, “he recommended it to me.”

I was hoping she didn’t see the tightness of my jaw as I tried to ignore the evil voices. They were urging me to grab the girl by the hair and drag her away. I couldn’t do that; I wasn’t like that anymore. And nothing was sure yet. They can be friends; friends hang out together in their apartments all the time. I can’t jump to conclusions just yet. And I’ve never seen Wonwoo spend time with her except for when he drops Hyemi off in the mornings.

“He really likes doing that!” Hyemi said with a roll of her eyes and I chuckled, putting the book away.

“He does, but it’s fine, I don’t mind.” She hummed and we looked behind her when there was a click. Another breathtakingly beautiful woman walked into the room and I couldn’t help but gape at her. Her lips were red and her long brown hair was in a low ponytail, eyeliner on her eyelids. She looked amazing, I cleared my throat and quickly read her name tag. Irene.

“Everything alright?” She asked with authority in her voice and I found myself nodding very quickly, but Hyemi just chuckled.

“Yes, I was just talking to—” Then both women looked at me and I was lost for a second, feeling flustered. My fingers tapped against the counter quickly and I realized they were waiting for me to tell them my name.

“Y/N!” I exclaimed and my cheeks became warm, “Uhm, my name is Y/N.”

“Wonwoo borrowed Y/N a book and she wants to return it.” Hyemi said with a smile and Irene hummed, looking me over quickly. Then she offered me a small smile and her stern expression melted away. It eased my nerves a little and I offered her a similar smile.

“Right, so…could you give me his address?” I asked, very innocently, as I looked Hyemi in the eyes. She knows where Wonwoo lives, I’m a little bothered by that but at least now I’ll find out his address too. But her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at me apologetically.

“Sorry, I don’t think I should just tell you that…without Wonwoo’s consent at least—”

“Oh, right!” I exclaimed and looked down embarrassed, “That was really…a dumb request, don’t worry! I totally get it!”

“Not to be mean—”

“No! It’s fine, you’re right!” I waved my hands in the air and Irene chuckled as she watched the exchange between us. I took a step back and played with my fingers as I tried to keep on an embarrassed expression.

“I’ll give it back to him when I meet him at the library.”

“Are you sure? You could give it to me and I’ll—”

“I’m sure.” I interrupted Hyemi and walked backwards towards the door, “Have a nice day, ladies!”

“You too!” Irene called out as Hyemi’s eyebrows furrowed a little bit.

“Bye.” She muttered as I hurried out the door, heart beating fast. What if she realized I was lying? Now all I could hope for was that she wouldn’t tell Wonwoo and throw me off from the progress I’ve been making.

And that day when I arrived home, I found more white lilies sitting on the little table that we had on the front porch. I took them and inhaled their scent, a smile appearing on my lips. And as a breeze passed by, I felt eyes on me. So, I straightened up and looked around, but the fence was high enough that no one would see inside, so I shook the feeling off and unlocked the front door, walking inside the house and headed to the kitchen to take a vase for the new lilies.

           A few days passed since I’ve been to the bookstore and I had realized that I needed a different approach. Yesterday, Hyemi and Wonwoo didn’t show up to the bookstore and as I went on with my day, I found Wonwoo nowhere he’d usually be at. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so, I figured they must have taken a day off. But that thought didn’t sit well with me, so, I decided that it was time I took serious actions. A more straightforward approach. One that would set off the start of something between Wonwoo and I.

I woke up a little earlier than I usually would to be able to get ready. We had only one bathroom, and for once, I put a little effort into my appearance. I usually didn’t doll myself up, but today I wanted to look pretty. So, I put on minimal makeup and decided to be a bit bold and use red lipstick too. I pulled my hair out of my face and clipped the front strands back and then I cooked breakfast for Doyoung and I, wanting to surprise him. He was always the one that got up early and made sure we ate well, but I felt like returning this little favor to him since he’s been bringing me white lilies for almost two weeks now. I even turned his morning alarm off, wanting to give him a little extra time to sleep, which was always welcomed as he worked late and had to wake up really early. After breakfast was ready, I went back to my room to get dressed and spent at least ten minutes thinking of an outfit. In the end, I settled on high waist mom jeans and a long-sleeved colorful crop top as yesterday it was rather warm. Then, I grabbed my bag and went to Doyoung’s room to wake him up. He was in a good mood once I told him I cooked breakfast and that I let him sleep in, his laughter echoed in the house as he told me a funny story that happened at work. Breakfast was pleasant and tasty and once we were done, I didn’t wait for Doyoung, I headed out. I told him that I found a new path in the forest that lead to a beautiful clearing with a spring and that I wanted to take pictures while the sun wasn’t high up in the sky, which unfortunately was a lie. I did find a place like that, but it was last month and I had already taken plenty of pictures of it. But Doyoung didn’t have to know that I was back to stalking again, especially not today, when I was so excited about my plan. Before going to the library, I grabbed a cup of coffee, Americano this time as I didn’t have in mind drinking it and it would’ve been a waste to buy Caramel Macchiato. By the time I got to the library it was nearing noon and I was hopeful that wherever Wonwoo went, he’d be back by today, otherwise, I did all of this for nothing. When I entered, the librarian gave me a glance and her eyebrows furrowed as they fell on my coffee, but I hid it behind my back and offered her a warm smile. She shook her head but didn’t say anything and I bowed my head, hurrying further inside. The coffee wasn’t hot anymore, but it was still warm, at least it wouldn’t burn him. I cleared my throat and took in a deep breath, about to round the corner and head to the reading area. My heart was pounding quickly in my chest and I feared that others would be able to hear it in the calming silence of the library. But as I rounded the corner, my mind went blank.

There he is.

I could feel excitement enter my whole body and my fingers started tapping quickly against the cup of coffee I was holding, I had to force myself to stay as still as I could and not take off towards Wonwoo. He was sitting at his usual spot, in the middle of the area and at the edge of the table. He had a book on the table in front of him, his glasses were close to falling off and his black hair was a bit messy. He was wearing a black t-shirt and a silver necklace hung around his neck. My eyes got glued to his muscly arms as he flipped the page and I gulped, trying to focus on my plan once again.

He is a sight for sore eyes, isn’t he, Y/N? No surprise you can’t handle the thought of someone else having him.

I shook my head a little and then started walking. My heels clicked against the wooden floor, but it was a dull sound, and thankfully Wonwoo didn’t look up. His eyebrows were furrowed as his eyes ran over the words in the book, and he sighed loudly as I got closer and closer. I glanced around, but there weren’t many people, and those who were, they were too busy studying or reading. Knowing that no one was looking my way, I knew what I was about to do wouldn’t look suspicious to anyone. I was two tables away from Wonwoo, and as I was watching him so closely, I noticed the sudden tensity of his muscles. How his palms clenched into fists and it almost looked like he was reading the same thing over and over, but I wouldn’t be actually able to tell that. My plan was to accidentally run into the corner of the table he was sitting at and spill the coffee on him. Like that, I had an excuse to talk to him and hopefully he’d even agree to me buying him a new shirt. I wasn’t able to decipher his personality as he was mostly by himself, but I prayed to every God out there that he’d comply to my wishes. And just as my eyes fixated on the corner of the table, to make sure that the front of my shoe would get stuck in it, Wonwoo abruptly stood up. And I jumped and panicked. The sound his chair made was loud and I lost all train of thought as his eyes fell on me and the heel of my shoe got stuck in the edge of the carpet. And suddenly, I was falling forward, eyes widened in horror. Wonwoo didn’t even blink, he just stood there, looking almost taken aback. And then our bodies collided into each other, and I felt the warm coffee spill not just on his chest, but on my own too. I gasped loudly, Wonwoo remained silent and suddenly I felt the eyes of the people who were around us, on us. Wonwoo was tense as he quickly gripped my forearms to steady me, the empty cup of coffee fell against the ground and I felt like it made the loudest sound I have ever heard. But in reality, it barely even made a thudding sound. My eyes remained wide, heart beating fast as I remained rooted in Wonwoo’s arms.

He smells so good. And his body is so firm. Do you hear how loud his breathing is, Y/N?

The evil voice made me shiver and I sprung out of Wonwoo’s hold, looking at him wide eyed. He looked frozen for a second, but then he lowered his arms, and gulped, glancing down at his damp t-shirt.

“Oh my God,” I muttered, looking down at my own damp shirt, this didn’t go as planned, he was the only one supposed to get coffee spilled on, “I am so sorry!”

My voice was quiet as I tried not to disturb the other people in there and Wonwoo finally looked at me. His sharp eyes offered no warmness and suddenly I felt small under his intense gaze. I felt embarrassed and as if I was caught in the act, but it’s him who stood up. This was supposed to happen differently.

“At least it wasn’t burning hot.” Wonwoo’s deep voice reached my ears and I did everything I could to memorize the deep vibration of it.

“Yeah, I got it a while ago…” I mumbled and looked down embarrassed, unable to maintain his intense eye contact.

“Accidents happen,” I could see him shrug as he ran his hands down his abdomen, “And it’s my fault, I was the one who stood up so abruptly—”

“Oh, no—” I looked up and shook my hands quickly, “I shouldn’t have walked so close to the table, it’s really my fault—”

“Don’t worry about it,” His lips pulled into a small smirk and I knew I was going to blush, “I’m not mad at you.”

My cheeks were hot and I felt at a loss of words all of a sudden, almost forgetting why I even planned on doing this.

“I feel guilty though—” I managed to get out, trying to avoid looking at his lips, “Let me make up for it!”

Someone towards the back of the reading area cleared their throat and I realized I was starting to speak too loudly; my leg was tapping against the wooden floor anxiously. I wanted to insist, but I didn’t know what to say next. I needed Wonwoo to co-operate, but I wasn’t sure he would just yet. His expression didn’t give away anything and I bit my lower lip nervously.

“How can you make up for it?” His eyebrows rose and my heart jumped in my chest.

“Uhm, I—I can just, uh—buy you a new shirt?” I hated myself for stuttering, but this was more nerve wrecking than I remembered it being. Has it been really that long since I’ve done this?

“I have plenty of shirts…” Wonwoo’s deep voice made me look back at him and I tried to stay calm. I couldn’t decipher his expression, but he looked like he was teasing me. I smiled softly and played with my fingers, glancing away from him before looking back.

“The mall is literally across the road…and…if you let me buy you this shirt, you’ll never forget that a stranger spilled their coffee on you on a very nice Wednesday…” Suddenly, all tension left my body when a wide smile appeared on Wonwoo’s lips. For the first time, I noticed how his nose scrunched up when he smiled, and how soft he seemed like this. When Wonwoo smiled, he wasn’t intimidating anymore, it was as if I was looking at a different person. My heart started beating quickly again and I felt at peace as I gaped at him, hopeful that he didn’t find it creepy. If only he knew…

“You might need a new shirt as well…” Wonwoo said once he was done laughing and I looked down at my shirt, eyebrows furrowing. Well yeah…that wasn’t part of the plan.

“If you insist.” I said with a shrug and Wonwoo chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’ll put this book back and then we can go.” Wonwoo said as he closed the book he was reading and picked it up from the table. He gave me a glance before he turned and walked towards the tall bookshelves, disappearing between them. I bit my lower lip, trying to contain my victorious smirk in case Wonwoo returned. I remembered the abandoned cup and turned around to pick it up, chuckling to myself. My plan didn’t work, but worked at the same time. It played out a little different than what I had in mind, but in the end, I still got what I wanted.

“Let’s go?” I turned my head and Wonwoo was by my side, eyebrows raised as his eyes fell on the empty cup. I nodded my head and we took off towards the mall from across the road, about to buy some new shirts.

Once we got to the mall I made Wonwoo choose a shop he likes and I’d buy him a t-shirt from there, only if he likes it, of course. In the end, he lead us to the cheapest shop and said that I should choose something for myself as well and he’ll buy it, because it was his fault too that the coffee was spilled as he got in my way. When he pointed towards the shop and said that he wanted to choose from that one, I gave him a look.

“Are you sure?” I asked as I followed after him, “Because I might look poor, but I’m not. So, if you want to wear something fancy, I totally can get it for you—”

“I don’t need anything fancy.” Wonwoo interrupted with a chuckle and I shrugged, walking inside the shop.

“Well, good for you then.” I muttered, looking around. To the left was the men section and to the right the women section, I pointed towards the men section, “Let’s go.”

Without thinking, I grabbed his wrist and noticed how warm his skin was against mine. I didn’t realize it was inappropriate to hold someone you just met, let alone drag him after you. But I was too happy that my plan actually worked out and that he didn’t recognize me at all. Even though he’s seen me twice before.

What if you aren’t remarkable enough? You could get Hyemi instead of Wonwoo, since he doesn’t even remember your face.

I shook my head and stopped in front of racks of various colored t-shirt and simple shirts, “Well, choose one!”

Wonwoo came to stand next to me and his eyebrows furrowed a little bit as he started moving the racks with his left hand. My right leg was tapping against the ground as I looked at his profile. His jaw was sharp and lips jutting out as he tried to choose one. Suddenly, I became aware of the hold I had on his wrist still and released it, clearing my throat awkwardly. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked ahead when Wonwoo glanced at me. I could feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment, but from the corner of my eyes I could see him smirking. It made my leg tap faster against the floor and I wished that something would happen that would save me from the embarrassment I was currently feeling.

“This one will do.” He suddenly spoke up, as if he could read my thoughts, and I turned to look at him. He was holding an almost identic t-shirt to the one he was wearing, except this one had longer sleeves. My eyes lingered on it before I gave him an affirming nod, and Wonwoo smiled.

“Your turn.” This time, he grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards the women section. My heart suddenly picked up its pace and my free hand turned into a fist as I tried to contain my wide grin once again. His grip felt like it was on fire and burned away on my skin, but I was enjoying it, it was a nice feeling. He released me though the second we got to the shirts and I didn’t even look, just picked up a brown see through shirt.

“This one!” I exclaimed and grinned at Wonwoo, holding up the shirt. His eyes fell on it and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you sure?” He asked and I could almost hear a certain discomfort in his tone, but I thought I was just making things up. So, I just nodded my head with a wide smile and Wonwoo sighed, pointing towards the changing rooms.

“Let’s change then.”

“Shouldn’t we pay first?” I asked surprised as Wonwoo took off.

“No, take the tag off, we can still pay.” My eyebrows furrowed at Wonwoo’s words but I didn’t say anything as I went inside a cabin and quickly changed into the shirt I picked. Once I was dressed, I gulped. Well, I certainly should have looked first at what I was picking out, you could see my black bra through the material. And it was a bit too thin for this weather, but if we stayed inside the mall for longer I wouldn’t be bothered. And my car was around the corner, hopefully I wouldn’t catch a cold. I pulled the curtain back and my eyes fell on Wonwoo who was leaning against the wall casually. He was wearing black jeans and black combat boots. The t-shirt he picked was tight around his chest and I couldn’t look away. It was a mouthwatering sight and I gulped, snapping out of it. But the silence stretched on for longer as Wonwoo continued looking at me with an unreadable expression, jaw just a little tight. He kept his eyes on my face, but I didn’t miss the split second they lowered towards my see-through shirt. It made me fidget as I cleared my throat.

“Let’s—let’s pay!” I quickly hurried past Wonwoo, feeling embarrassed for the nth time today. I could hear a deep chuckle behind me, but I ignored it and approached the front desk.

“Hi, we bought these two shirts we are wearing, the tags are here—” I started speaking as I placed the tags on the counter.

“I’m sorry Miss, that’s against the rules.” The cashier very rudely interrupted and gave me a glare.

“Uhm…we still intend to pay though…”

“It’s still against the rules to do that, I have to call security—”

“Maybe you should just scan the tags and proceed on with your life, Kelly.” Wonwoo’s deep voice boomed next to me and I looked at him, his jaw was clenched and he was glaring at the cashier, whose name was Kelly. She seemed to shrink a little under Wonwoo’s gaze and she hesitated for a second, but then scanned in the tags.

“We are paying separately.” Wonwoo proceeded to say when he saw that she put the shirts on the same bill and Kelly apologized quickly. I looked at Wonwoo, eyebrows furrowed at the sudden change in his attitude. He looked stern and demanding, I probably would’ve done instantly what he told me, if he looked at me like that. This is how I imagined Wonwoo’s personality to be like, yet it didn’t sit well with me. Something felt off about his attitude, this wasn’t the first time he was being like this. And it was very obvious that he knew what effect it would have on the one targeted.

“Here.” The girl muttered once she handed Wonwoo the change back and then it was my turn to pay, which went by quickly as both of us were trying to move quickly under Wonwoo’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Uh, bye!” I called out as Wonwoo and I walked out with a bag each and our stained shirts inside them. I stopped walking once we were out of the shop and Wonwoo stopped too, looking back at me confused.

“Something wrong?” He asked confused and I shook my head.

“Not at all…I’m just glad we are even now…” I shrugged and he nodded with a hum, looking around. I tried to shrug off the sudden uncertainty I was feeling. Wonwoo didn’t seem as safe anymore as I had imagined him to be.

“Do you want to grab some lunch?” My heart jumped into my throat instantly and my mind went blank. How do I answer that question? That was definitely not what I had planned, but it was turning even better. But I couldn’t, I felt like it would be too much. Yes, I wanted to get to know him, but I already felt like an intruder. This happened only because of me, I didn’t want Wonwoo to feel like he had to do this. And I wanted to sort out my thought first and analyze our interaction.

“I would love to, but I have to help out my brother.” I lied through my teeth, with a smile on my face.

“Ah…” He nodded and neared me, I felt small under his strong gaze. It looked like he was looking right into my soul, reading my mind. It gave me the impression that he knew I was lying, “You don’t have to feel guilty for spilling the coffee on me, I told you, accidents happen.”

“I know!” I laughed nervously, my leg tapping against the ground once again, “I feel like I should wash that t-shirt…to actually stop feeling guilty…”

And that was the second stage of my plan. Get him to give me his t-shirt so that I can wash it, that way I get his phone number and I have an excuse to meet up with him again. Wonwoo’s eyebrows rose at my words and he chuckled, reaching inside his bag for without saying anything.

“Here.” He said and handed me his stained t-shirt.

“Really?” I asked gaping and he chuckled as I took it from him, “I thought you’d be against it…”

“I’m not,” He said with a casual shrug and then fished his phone out of his pocket, “I’ll need your number in order to get back my t-shirt…unless you’re a t-shirt thief.”

I started laughing as I took his unlocked phone and typed in my phone number, trying to hide the tremble of my fingers, “Shhh, no one knows.”

I winked as I handed him back his phone with my number saved and Wonwoo chuckled, ringing me. That way I had his number too, which I would save the second I got to my car. And then, he took another step and I was taken aback by the closeness between us.

“Tell me…” He muttered, his voice deep and I gulped nervously, “Have we met before?”

He knows, Y/N.

I froze up for a second, looking at him with my jaw having fallen open, “What? I—I don’t think—where—You know, maybe at the library—No! We have never met before!”

I knew I fucked up with my stuttering and the way Wonwoo suddenly started smirking like he was proud of himself for making me react like that. Maybe he really does know and the voices aren’t wrong.

“You go to the library often?”

“Lately, yeah.” I cleared my throat and stepped back, acting like I was looking at the shop behind Wonwoo.

“I see.” He nodded and then stepped back too, holding his hand out, “We haven’t introduced ourselves, I’m Wonwoo.”

My eyebrows rose as I realized we really didn’t, even though I already knew his name. Thank God it didn’t slip from my lips, that would’ve been really bad.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you!” I smiled at him widely and shook his head excited, trying to ignore how hot his hand was once again. His grip was firm and I decided to ignore how our hands touched for a little bit longer than they were supposed to.

“Nice to meet you too.” Wonwoo chuckled and we let go of each other’s hands finally.

“I have to go now…” I pointed behind me and Wonwoo gave me a nod and a small wave, “Bye!”

“See you soon, Y/N.” I shivered at how low his tone got and quickly hurried away, feeling embarrassed, excited, nervous and confused by the vibes he was giving me. Why is it that I feel like there’s something going on with him?

           I was eager to get home after the day I had, ready to get lost in my thoughts and analyze every little detail about the exchange between Wonwoo and I. I even considered texting him, but I didn’t want to come off as creepy, or give him the wrong impression. If I wanted things to work out, I had to be smooth and careful about everything I said and did. As I parked my car in its usual place, I noticed how the lights were on inside the house and realized Doyoung was already home. Doyoung was home early! I quickly got out of the car and locked it, almost running to get inside the house faster. It was rare that Doyoung was home before nightfall and I missed spending time with him and going out with him. We haven’t gone on a run together in a long time and I was hoping that Doyoung was up to it. I knocked on the front door first to let Doyoung know that it was me, and then pushed the door open and walked inside.

“Doyoung!” I shrieked, seeing that he wasn’t in the living room nor kitchen, “Hi!”

Doyoung didn’t answer right away and as I closed the door behind me and locked it, I heard the water running in the bathroom. Doyoung was washing up, so I walked to my room and changed out of my clothes and wore something comfortable. I quickly removed my makeup and sighed as I pulled my hair in a low bun, feeling at ease once again. I opened my window to let in some fresh air and as I was about to walk away, I noticed the white lilies on the windowsill. I chuckled at Doyoung’s creativeness and picked them up, taking them inside with me. It was smart of him, to be honest. He parked his car behind the backyard, where the wall of my bedroom was too. So, in order to get to the front of the house he’d have to pass by my windows and that would explain how he was able to sneak in the flowers inside my room without me seeing them. But as I held the lilies, I realized that there were ten pieces this time and I bit my lower lip as a wide smile spread onto my lips. I glanced at the bag that contained the shirts that got coffee spilled on them and I walked up to it, grabbing Wonwoo’s t-shirt. I took it in my hands and, having placed the lilies on my bed, and felt the soft fabric of the black t-shirt. It was bigger than my own torso as I held it against my frame and chuckled as I walked towards my mirror. So that’s what I would look like wearing Wonwoo’s shirts.

You look lovely, Y/N, we bet Wonwoo can’t wait to see you like this. If you proceed carefully, he’ll be yours in a blink of an eye.

I chuckled, letting the image the voices created linger in my mind. I brought the t-shirt up against my nose and reveled in Wonwoo’s cologne. It was masculine and it carried a musky scent and something that I have only felt on Doyoung, the smell of gunpowder. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at the t-shirt, lowering it back inside the bag. Why would Wonwoo’s t-shirt smell like gunpowder? Does he go to the shooting ranges? Is it a hobby of his? No, if it was, I would’ve known already. But before I could dwell on it longer, the bathroom door closed and I jumped, taking the white lilies as I left my room.

“Y/N, are you home—”

“Doyoung!” I exclaimed and threw my arms around my brother, giving him a back hug. Doyoung chuckled and tapped my arms, softly peeling them off himself.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be home so early!” I said as I walked around him, wandering if we had any free vases for the lilies.

“I wasn’t either…” Doyoung muttered and I heard him sigh as I opened some cabinets until I found a blue vase. I smiled in victory and filled it with water, placing the lilies inside before putting the vase in the middle of the dining table. Doyoung was lounging on the couch with a frown on his face and as I looked at him, about to rant about my day, I realized something was wrong. He looked drained; his eyes even looked red.

“Doyoung…” I muttered with a frown and approached him slowly, arms hugging around my torso, “Are you okay?”

He looked up at me and tried to put on a smile, “Yeah! I’m fine—”

But his voice broke a little and I quickly sat next to him, throwing my arms around him as I pulled him into a tight hug.

“Hey, talk to me.” I whispered as I rubbed his back reassuringly. His arms went around me and he sighed loudly, sniffing.

“Well…I was sent home early because the higher ups are in meetings…” He sighed again and I just hummed as I waited patiently for him to continue.

“Sana was found dead this morning—” His voice broke again and I froze. Doyoung’s boss was dead? Who could have done such thing? And why?

“Oh, Doyoung, I’m so sorry…” I whispered, tightening my hold around him. He nodded his head and then rested his cheek against my shoulder. We remained silent as I tried offering comfort to my brother, knowing how much Sana’s death affected him. Not many liked Sana, sometimes even Doyoung hated her, but they spent a lot of time together. And inevitably they bonded, she still meant something to him.

“She was shot in the head once, it killed her instantly—” I wanted to tell him to stop thinking about it, to not tell me anything about her death, but he had to get it off his chest. And I was there to listen, I would always be there for Doyoung, no matter what he needed.

“There were signs of other altercations before her death…” Then he stopped for a second and scoffed, “She attacked a girl, Y/N, a simple, innocent, girl. She just—broke inside her apartment, trashed it and—and tried killing her? I don’t understand—”

“People do all sorts of things,” I interrupted Doyoung’s rambling, “You can never truly know what a person is capable of until it’s done.”

Doyoung sniffed again and then gently pulled back, rubbing his eyes. I let my hands rest in my lap as I watched my brother trying to pull himself together.

“She did it because of a guy—I don’t understand. She was obsessed with this—Kim Mingyu and she attacked Hyemi for being with him, I—” Doyoung shrugged and fell back against the couch, looking up at the white ceiling. My eyebrows furrowed as I watched my brother. Kim Mingyu? It’s the guy Wonwoo works for. Wait…does Wonwoo know anything about this? Why was he missing yesterday? Hyemi…it can’t be the girl from the bookstore, right?

“Is Hyemi alright?” I found myself asking quietly and Doyoung hummed.

“Her friends found her just in time, before she could get hurt seriously. But Sana…”

“She got what she deserved.” I couldn’t hold my words back and Doyoung’s head snapped in my direction, “She tried to kill Hyemi, Doyoung. And she was a cop. Attacked a simple civilian. I understand your pain and struggle but—”

“I know,” Doyoung offered me a reassuring smile and patted my hand, “but it’s very stressful. They want me to replace Sana.”

My eyes widened as I sat up straighter, “Wait…you’ll become head of police then…?”

Doyoung’s lips formed a thin line and he sighed, looking away from me, “I guess Kim Mingyu really does achieve whatever he wants…”

“Kim Mingyu?” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Doyoung once again confused hearing his name, “What does he have to do with this?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about that.” Doyoung quickly said and ran his fingers through his damp hair, “I just wanted to be the first one to tell you all of this, and not Mark.”

Before I could press more about who Kim Mingyu was, I froze and looked at Doyoung surprised, “Mark?”

“Yeah,” Doyoung gave me a small glare and it seemed like he was quick to repress the feelings towards Sana’s death, “I know about what you do with Mark.”

“I don’t do anything,” I shrugged defensively, “I don’t even know who that is!”

Doyoung scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Please, you think people didn’t notice Mark’s sudden success this year? Everyone knew he was close to getting fired, until he suddenly turned into this super detective he never was—”

“And how is that my fault?!” I exclaimed, unable to keep it inside anymore. My legs were bouncing quickly and I gave Doyoung a glare, “I wanted to help. I wanted to do something else besides running my blog and taking pictures of nature, alright? This is fun and exciting—”

“And fucking dangerous, Y/N!” Doyoung exclaimed, standing up as his eyebrows furrowed, “Do you have any idea who you even follow around? Gang leaders, mafia heads, powerful business men! These people are shady! If you were ever caught, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything—”

“I know!” I exclaimed and stood up too, feeling desperate for Doyoung to understand me, “But this helped! It really did, Mark offered me an escape, Doyoung. An escape from falling back into my old habits and stalking people. Ever since I started doing this, I—I had no tendencies to stalk others—” Besides the sudden infatuation I had with Wonwoo, but it would pass. I hoped that it would. I wanted Doyoung to be proud of me.

“You just need a good therapist, Y/N—” Doyoung’s words were triggering as my parents would say this often to me and I couldn’t control myself, I shoved him back. He stumbled a bit, taken aback by my sudden outburst. Until he realized what he said, and he turned pale.

“Thanks a lot, big brother.” I snapped and turned around, storming towards my room, “You know therapists did shit and never helped me! The medication only made feel worse after a while!”

“I didn’t mean to say that, I’m sorry—” Doyoung tried to apologize as he followed after me.

“Save it, okay?!” I entered my room and blocked Doyoung from coming inside, “I—I know I’m a burden to you. I hate being a burden. But I can’t live on my own, and I hate that. I want to offer you a normal life, but instead, I’m just hanging on your neck—and I don’t need you to remind me that!”

“That’s not true!” Doyoung looked offended by my words as his eyebrows furrowed, “You were never a burden to me. I love you and I want you with me, Y/N—”

I raised my palm to stop him from talking, “Stop, I don’t care. Thankfully, helping Mark out pays well and I’m close to having enough money to move out. Give me three more months, and I’ll be gone.”

“What?!” Doyoung’s face fell and he went to grab me, but I slammed the door shut quickly, “I don’t want you to leave! We moved in here together because we both wanted to! You can’t just leave—”

“Watch me!” I screamed and I heard Doyoung sigh loudly as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. This wasn’t the time to act childish nor to drop something like that on him, not when his boss just died and he was in grief. But I couldn’t help it, he pissed me off. He would never understand what I had to go through daily and therefore he had no rights to try and tell me what to do. What Mark offered me was a life saver and Doyoung would never understand how much it helped, right up until I met Wonwoo.

“Y/N, I’m sorry.” Doyoung said loudly and knocked on my door, but I quickly locked it. I knew he was sorry and he didn’t want to hurt me, but I needed time to get over his words. By tomorrow morning I would be fine, but I needed to be left alone tonight.

“Whatever!” I called out and rolled my eyes, “Don’t bring me any white lilies anymore!”

I waited for an answer but Doyoung remained silent and I really wanted to see his expression, was he mad that I told him that?

“What?” My eyebrows furrowed at his confused tone, “You’re the one who buys them daily—”

The rest of his words got swallowed by my loudness. My heart started thumping wildly as I unlocked the bedroom’s door in a hurry and threw it open, “What?!”

Doyoung’s eyebrows were furrowed too as we looked at each other confused, “You…aren’t the one buying the lilies?”

“And it’s not you who’s been giving them to me?” Doyoung and I seemed to realize what this meant at the same time and as I scampered to shut the window of my room closed and lock it, Doyoung hurried to take on some shoes as he turned on the lights outside around the house. He threw on a jacket and hurried outside as I remained shivering in the middle of the room. Goosebumps covered my skin as I remained staring at the flowers on my nightstand that I got yesterday. Who was giving me these flowers then? And why was this person breaking inside our house?

Aw, does our little Y/N have a secret admirer? Who could it be?

“No!” I shook my head and hurriedly shut all blinds in my room and then went around the house, shutting each one of them. Doyoung came inside looking distressed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ll talk to the boys, and they’ll start patrolling around the neighborhood. Tomorrow a search team will come and search the house for any foreign DNA, alright?” Doyoung spoke with a serious tone as he locked the front door and turned to look at me, “Nothing will happen, alright?”

“They have been breaking in for two weeks, Doyoung—” I bit my lower lip and started tapping my leg against the floor anxiously, “Do they want something from me?”

Doyoung walked up to me and held onto my shoulders, “We’ll catch them before they can do anything, yes?”

I sighed and nodded my head, looking around the house to see the white lilies everywhere. They made me feel sick to my stomach, so I walked past Doyoung to take the trash bin and started throwing all of them inside it, cursing under my breath. I should have known that it wasn’t Doyoung. I’m so stupid!

           Sleeping was hard last night and after struggling for a while, I somehow fell asleep towards the morning hours. I didn’t have the energy to go and watch Wonwoo today, I was too paranoid to even wear headphones on my run. I kept glancing behind me, until I noticed the police car parked around the curb and two of Doyoung’s colleagues chatting as they had coffee in their hands. I quickly greeted them before running past them, deciding to change my running route out of fear that if someone indeed was watching would already know I would head that way and do something to me. Doyoung kept messaging me every half an hour and I got irritated so I told him to just watch the app where it showed him my location, and at least that made him stop. I was halfway down the path when my phone started buzzing in my back pocket, tickling my butt cheek. I stopped running and unzipped the pocket, taking my phone in my hand. My lungs were screaming for air and I had sweat a lot as I pushed myself in order to try and forget the whole stalker deal. But when my eyes fell on the caller ID, I felt excited.

“I hope you went on that vacation and enjoyed yourself,” Came Mark’s voice through the phone and I chuckled, still trying to catch my breath, “Because I’ve got a new job for you.”

I hummed and breathed loudly, waiting for Mark to continue.

“Am I…interrupting something?” His voice was hesitant and it made me laugh.

“Yeah, my run.” Mark chuckled and I turned around, walking back towards the house, “Tell me everything.”

“It’s a one-day job, but it’s very important. The names are Wen Junhui and Xu Minghao. I’ll send you the details in a message on your other number, delete it once you had it memorized.”

“What exactly will I have to look out for?” I wondered as I passed by the police car again, the officers were gone this time.

“Those two are planning a heist, just take pictures of each jewelry place they go inside and send them to me straight when you think it’s clear.” I pursed my lips and thought a little.

“Fine, but don’t say a word to Doyoung. He knows about us and he’s very mad.”

“I know,” Mark cleared his throat, sounding awkward, “He very much wants to fire me right now. Maybe you heard, but Sana is dead, so he’s the big boss now…”

“I know,” I muttered and walked down the street, looking around before crossing onto the other side, “Doyoung told me. Seems like she was nuts or something…”

“She had it coming,” Mark scoffed and it peaked my interest, “Anyone who works against or turns on Kim Mingyu ends up being dead.”

My eyebrows furrowed and I was about to ask who this man was, but Mark gasped, “Shit, your brother is coming—keep your eyes on your phone!”

He hung up and I sighed as I locked my phone, wondering if I would find anything about Kim Mingyu on the internet. Since Wonwoo worked for him, I’ve seen him a few times, his business seemed pretty serious. Lost in thought, I didn’t notice the guy approaching me and gasped when their shoulder collided with mine. I hissed and stopped, turning around to shout at them, but the person didn’t even acknowledge me.

“Asshole!” I shouted after them, noticing their hunched form. The person seemed tall and looked like he was trying to hide his actual height. I turned to walk when the scent hit me. Musk and gunpowder. I quickly turned around, but the man in the black clothes was already gone.

Was that your secret admirer?

I shivered and quickly ran the rest of the way home, only being around the corner. I quickly unlocked the gate and as I walked inside, my eyes fell on the white lilies that I threw in the dumpster this morning. I felt bad for them because they were very beautiful, but I didn’t want them inside the house anymore.

After showering and getting ready, I checked out Mark’s message and memorized the information quickly, deleting the message. I grabbed my laptop and put it inside my bag together with my camera as I pulled on my tennis shoes and left the house, locking everything after me. I had an hour until the targets would show up to the city center to check out all shops, so I decided to take a walk there, try to use up the energy that didn’t go away while I was running due to it being cut short. I let Doyoung know that I was going out and to an agglomerated area, so that he didn’t have to worry, besides he had the tracker on. I snapped a few pictures as I walked and reveled in the silence around me as I took the back streets, where less people walked. I wondered what Wonwoo was doing, and suddenly I felt bad that I didn’t follow him around today. He’d be at his work place right now, having already been to the gym earlier this morning after he dropped Hyemi off at work and bought his coffee. What was interesting about Wonwoo was that each time he ordered coffee, he bought something different. My phone dinged as I turned onto the main street, getting lost in the crowd of people as I opened my phone and almost shrieked when I saw whom the message was from.

From Wonwoo: Hey…I hope I’m not bothering you…I was just wondering when we could meet up? You know…to give me back my t-shirt.

I struggled for a second to hold the phone in both hands and also not walk into others as I typed back.

To Wonwoo: Hi! You’re not bothering me at all! I washed it this morning…so if the weather is nice, it’ll be totally dry by tomorrow! Is tomorrow good for you?

I was about to put my phone away, but Wonwoo started typing back instantly and soon came his answer.

From Wonwoo: I can’t tomorrow, I won’t be in town and will only get back late. The next day…is it good for you?

I looked around me, noticing that I was in the area Mark instructed me to. I noticed the first jewelry shop and found a bench right across from it, so I hurried to take a seat there.

To Wonwoo: Sure, at noon? We can have lunch, since I turned it down last time…

My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for Wonwoo’s answer, which seemed to take ages, and in fact only took a few seconds.

From Wonwoo: Fine, but let’s go to a restaurant. The food is better than the one at the mall.

He wasn’t wrong, besides this was sounding an awful lot like a date. I giggled and looked around before typing back.

To Wonwoo: Tell me the location and time?

From Wonwoo: 1 o’clock, but I’ll pick you up. Give me your address.

I hesitated for a second, knowing better not to give away my address to a complete stranger. My parents warned me about bad people, and so did Doyoung numerous times…especially since he became a cop and had to work on many cases that ended badly due to naïve girls going on dates with guys from Tinder. But I didn’t meet Wonwoo on Tinder…and I’ve already been watching him for weeks, I know what he’s like.

Honestly, you would pass on an opportunity like this one, Y/N? Isn’t this what we’ve been working for? Getting Wonwoo? Why did you even bother if you’re about to refuse him?!

When I saw Wonwoo typing, I quickly sent him my address, scared that he thought I was about to refuse him after I was the one who proposed getting lunch.

From Wonwoo: Alright, I’ll be there then.

To Wonwoo: Can’t wait to see you!

I instantly regretted sending that, but it was no use deleting it as he had already read the message.

From Wonwoo: Me too.

I giggled again and as I looked up; I saw a black Ferrari pulling up. I quickly scrambled to get out my camera from my bag and turned it on at lightning speed. I snapped pictures as the targets got out of the car. They were the same guys from the pictures Mark sent me, Minghao and Junhui. Both dressed pretty fancy and I knew they were the targets. I remained seated as they walked inside the first jewelry shop and snapped a picture of it. They didn’t spend much time in, quickly headed to the next one. I followed them from the bench as long as I could, but as they started walking towards the end of the street, I had to move too to be able to catch them. My phone and Wonwoo were forgotten, but just as I got up from the bench, throwing my bag over my shoulder and camera in my hand, my phone buzzed. As the targets were still inside the shop, I quickly checked to see that I had another new message from Wonwoo.

From Wonwoo: What are you doing right now?

I paused a little bit, finding his wording a little weird, but shrugged it off. I looked up just as the targets walked out of the shop and placed my phone in my pocket, snapping pictures as they talked and looked around. I wasn’t afraid that they’d see me as there were lots of people around us, but it still felt like I was being watched. They didn’t move from that spot, so I quickly answered Wonwoo.

To Wonwoo: Nothing much, just working. You?

I looked up to see the targets moving across the street, headed to a simple gardening shop. What could they be doing there? I started quickly walking towards it and snapped a picture just as I passed by in front of it, hopeful that no one saw me. Especially the targets. Then they walked out and headed down the street, towards the bench I was sitting at previously. I trailed after them, keeping a good distance as I pretended to look around and snapped a few pictures of the things that were displayed in the windows, trying to act normal and as if I was a tourist. I felt my phone vibrating again, so I checked it with a sigh. This isn’t how I’m supposed to be doing my work.

From Wonwoo: Working too, waiting for my boss.

So Wonwoo was with Mingyu then, probably sitting in his red Mercedes, waiting for Mingyu to show up and order him around. I didn’t react to the text message as the targets started moving again, headed for the Ferrari they have arrived in. Hastily, I snapped a few more pictures of the car, getting the license plate, and once they sped off, I took a deep breath. Well, I wasn’t caught, so that was amazing. Now I just have to send Mark all the photos and then have some lunch, my stomach is screaming for food.

I found a nice restaurant just around the corner and sat at a table at the back, opening my laptop. I copied all pictures on it and then sent Mark everything through an e-mail before deleting everything off my camera and laptop. No traces of what I had done, perfect as always.

To Mark: Everything good?

From Mark: Perfect, thanks again. I’ll pay you later, wait around a little bit.

To Mark: Fine, I have to eat either way!

And then I put my phone away and ordered food, which thankfully came quickly, as I was really hungry. I bobbed my head to the songs played on the radio while I ate, my legs bouncing underneath the table, unable to sit still. Not that it was something unusual. I was slurping up the rest of the soup when Doyoung messaged me and told me he would be home early again and that he could pick me up if I wanted him to. But I couldn’t as Mark had to pay me still, so I told him that I wanted to stay out alone for a little bit longer. And after almost two hours of me sitting at the restaurant, Mark finally called me that he was in front of the gardening shop, waiting for me. Paying for the food and greeting the lady, I left the restaurant in a hurry, glad that Mark finally showed up. In truth, I wanted Doyoung to pick me up, but he was at home by now and I didn’t want to bother him. I would just take a cab as it was getting dark and I didn’t want to walk home anymore. The exchange between Mark and I was brief as usual and I quickly found a cab for myself. I got in and told the driver where to take me and got comfortable against the beige leather seats. I sighed and started tapping my thigh with my fingers, looking out the window at the bright billboards and lights of the city. We went past the first intersection, but traffic was getting bad as everyone was headed home or out to have fun, so we caught the next red light. The cab driver turned the volume of the radio up a bit as he started bobbing his head to the beat and I found myself tapping along it too; the song was catchy. Police car sirens could be heard in the distance, but it wasn’t something unusual. Then suddenly, there was a commotion a few cars behind us and as I twisted my neck to see what was happening, four figures in all black and masks covering their whole faces ran up to the car. The cab driver panicked and before he could lock the doors, his door was ripped open and he was pulled out. I jumped and opened my own door in a hurry, wanting to get out, but I couldn’t as all four doors of the cab were now ripped open and the four men jumped in. I got pushed into the middle by my head by the man on my right and squeezed there as I gripped my bag to my chest. All doors were shut closed and only the driver put on his seatbelt. Suddenly, he started reeving the engine and then crashed into the car in front of us. The car jolted and I gasped as I was sent forward, eyes wide as my heart pumped loudly. God damn it, I should have just accepted Doyoung’s offer and asked Mark to pay me tomorrow. The cab driver was holding onto his head and screaming for help as the sirens got closer and the driver started honking, trying to make space for us to pass. I remained silent and shocked, gripping onto my bag and hopeful that they wouldn’t do anything to me. They seemed too stressed about leaving and getting away from the approaching police.

“For fuck’s sake!” Suddenly the one in the passenger seat shouted, his voice raspy, as he threw his door open and got halfway out. And then a silver thing glinted in his hand and I made myself small as I knew he was about to pull the trigger. The gunshots were loud as people started screaming around, suddenly the cars in front of us started moving aside, the light had turned green too.

“Floor it!” The man to my left shouted and the one in the passenger seat hopped back in as the driver pressed the gas pedal and we were sent flying forward. I yelped and held onto the headrest of the passenger seat tightly, looking ahead. The driver was honking constantly until every car started moving out of the way and we were flying down the road, but the sirens were closer too. So close, that the red and blue lights could be seen from inside the car. My breathing started to pick up as my left leg was bouncing very fast, and I was trying to remain as calm as I could. It seemed like they didn’t want to bother with me, so if I remain silent, maybe nothing will happen to me. I might as well blindfold myself so that I know nothing about where they are taking me and then they can let me free as I haven’t seen their faces.

The light turned red in front of us, but the driver wasn’t paying any attention to the traffic lights as he was speeding and switching lanes frantically, even going into the opposite lanes, making me squeeze my eyes shut. If we were about to run into any car, I didn’t want to see it. My bouncing leg knocked into something and I opened one eyes, becoming aware that these criminals were holding black bags that seemed to be heavy. They must have robbed some place and now were running away, just fucking perfect that they chose this cab! I gasped again as the car was jerked to the right and I was sent into the person on my left, making them hiss. I was expecting a slap or them to scream at me, but they just gently adjusted me back into the middle seat, turning their head towards me as if they realized for the first time that I was in the car too. I could see their brown eyes, and they widened. Mine widened too out of fear and I quickly ducked my head, holding onto my bag tightly. By now, the police was full on chasing these criminals, they were right behind us and the car was jerked to the left this time.

“Fuck this shit car!” A very deep voice suddenly shouted, making me jump, “I can’t outrun the fucking police in this old ass piece of shit—”

“Calm down!” The man on my right snapped, voice tense and raised. My left leg was bouncing so fast that I was getting a cramp in my thigh, but I couldn’t stop, I was on the brink of passing out from how anxious I was feeling. I stopped breathing normally a long time ago and I even started sweating, if only someone would’ve rolled down a window…

“Where the fuck do I go if they are trailing us? I can’t lose them here!” The deep voiced man continued shouting and he honked again as the sirens seemed to become deafening. But the more I concentrated on his deep voice, the more familiar it became. My body felt like it was made out of rock already, but it seemed like I could tense up even more. My breath got cut off for a second as my head snapped up, my whole body sitting up straight. My eyes bore into the back of the driver’s head. I knew that voice, but it can’t be. My brain is just making up things, I’m under so much stress that I started making up things.

“Take the back streets!” The man from the passenger seat answered him, “Boss is waiting at the docks.”

“The docks are fucking half an hour away from here! Start shooting at their cars tires, you idiots!” The driver’s deep voice boomed in the car and I shivered as three windows were rolled down. The three men suddenly all had weapons in their hands and they started shooting at the police car that was speeding beside the cab. I remained staring at the driver as my brain was screaming at me that the voice belonged to Wonwoo. Suddenly, the guy looked in the rearview mirror and our gazes connected. My mouth fell open when I saw foxy eyes staring back at me with the intensity I was used to seeing from Wonwoo, their brown seemed to be even darker as I gaped at Wonwoo. This can’t be happening, no. This must be a joke. But Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed and he quickly looked back at the road, taking another sharp turn as the rest managed to get rid of that one police car, but at least three more were still chasing us. Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket and I let go of my bag with one hand, only now noticing how badly I was shaking. I knew no one was paying attention to me, so I curled up into a ball and sneakily placed the phone against my ear after hitting the green button.

“Y/N?!” Doyoung’s voice was frantic and the sirens were even louder through the phone, “Why the hell are you in the car we are chasing—”

Suddenly, the phone was ripped from my hands and I shrieked, trying to reach for it, “Doyoung!”

But the guys on each of my side held me down and the man in the passenger’s seat had the phone against his ear.

“Listen here—” But he was cut off by Doyoung, I could hear him screaming through the phone, but I didn’t understand what he was saying as all I could hear were my own loud heart beats as I struggled against the men holding me. Finally, my flight or fight kicked in, and I chose to fight as I didn’t really have the opportunity to run. Only God knows what was about to happen, I wasn’t going to sit around anymore. I elbowed the man on my right in the stomach and he cried out loudly as I finally freed my right arm. The man on my left was very skinny, but despite that he was very strong and my arm was turning numb, that’s how hard he was squeezing me. I started fighting against him too, punched him in the face with my free hand, even though he tried dodging it. My left arm was free too and I lunged for the guy in the passenger seat, knowing that I’d kill all of us if I started choking Wonwoo. So instead, my hands went around the other guy’s neck from behind as I started squeezing, the words he was about to say to my brother dying away in his throat. My phone fell from his hand and he gripped my wrists, trying to claw at me with his nails, but he was wearing glows. I started squeezing even harder as Wonwoo started swerving the car around violently.

“Get a fucking grip on her!” He shouted as with his right hand he gripped my bicep and started yanking on my arm. I cried out in pain, trying to elbow him as suddenly hands around my waist and forearms were pulling me back harshly. The guy I was choking started fighting back too, probably close to passing out as his struggling became less and less. But these guys were very strong, and two were pulling me back while one was squeezing so hard on my bicep that it felt like someone was trying to rip my arm off, I had to let go of the guy in the passenger seat. He started coughing and wheezing loudly as he fell forward. I screamed as I was restrained, this time the guys were almost sitting on me to stop me from fighting back. Wonwoo looked at me through the rearview mirror and I knew that he knew I recognized him, his deadly glare made me still instantly. I was rooted against the leather seat as he reached for my phone and hit a button, no doubt calling my brother.

“You want your sister? You play along with me.” Was all he said before hanging up and throwing the phone back at me, hitting my knees as it fell onto the ground. The guys still held me tightly, even though I stopped struggling. The one in the front stopped coughing, but he was still leaned over, holding onto his head as he was breathing loudly. My lungs were rising and falling at an alarming pace as my legs started bouncing again. But then suddenly Wonwoo took a sharp U turn and the police cars stopped following us. The sirens stopped blaring, all you could see were the lights, lights that were getting farther away from us. Doyoung was getting farther away from me, he was in one of those cars! I bit my lower lip and tried to keep the thoughts about me dying out as for once in my life I focused on the voices.

Look at that, Y/N is having the most fun she’s ever head. Don’t worry, you won’t die. Wonwoo won’t kill you, he’s into you. And he probably knows that you know it’s him. Isn’t he just so hot? The way he screamed, the way he’s driving…and you thought he was boring?! His burning gaze makes you feel all sorts of ways, Y/N, admit it. Now calm down, you are getting out of this alive.

The voices weren’t helpful as they were rambling about Wonwoo, but I did take a deep breath and noticed that until I was zoned out, he stopped driving at a crazy speed. We were downtown, but nowhere close to the docks. Wonwoo pulled up into the parking lot of a poorly lit convenience store, where a police car was already there. But all lights were off and only one man was there, walking around the car anxiously. It was Doyoung and my heart almost jumped out of my chest when Wonwoo stopped the car just next to Doyoung’s police car. The doors were kicked open again and I jumped when the guy on my left held onto my bicep, Wonwoo squeezed me so hard that my whole arm was on fire, it would bruise so ugly. I was pulled out of the car, but not manhandled, as Doyoung came to a stop at the back of the car. The guy let go of me and I took two hurried steps, but someone blocked my path, and I ran into their hard chest. Musk and gunpowder. I didn’t look up at Wonwoo, only stared at his chest as I held my bag against my stomach, my whole-body trembling.

“Say a word to anyone about this, I know where you live and I won’t hesitate to find you.” His deep voice was low as he whispered to me, radiating anger. I bit my lower lip and said nothing as I knocked into him hard and walked past to get to Doyoung. He was quick to pull me into his arms and I clung onto him, telling myself that I was finally safe. It was silent as no one dared to say anything; Doyoung was so tense, he felt like I was hugging a rock.

“If you ever again put my sister into danger, I won’t hesitate to continue what Sana started. You’re lucky I’ve known Mingyu since we were kids, otherwise you’d be laying in jail for life right now.” Doyoung was so angry, his voice trembled and it even raised a few octaves as he spoke to the criminals. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. He was just letting them off like that? They were criminals!

“Your generosity will be always returned, you know that, Doyoung.” The guy I choked could barely speak, his voice was a low rasp and then I heard something colliding against the concrete. Doyoung moved us a little as car doors were closed and the engine of the cab started again as Wonwoo pulled out of the parking lot with the tires screeching. I let go of Doyoung and looked at him disappointed, lips trembling.

“You’re a corrupt cop?” I managed to say as a few tears fell from my eyes. He looked down at the bag and picked it up, remorse showing on his face.

“You weren’t supposed to find out, but it’s a complicated story—”

“Nothing about this is complicated!” I shouted, angrily wiping the tears off my cheeks, “You just let four criminals run off like nothing happened! Like I couldn’t have been killed in that chase or afterwards by them! If people like you are the ones protecting this city everyone should be afraid for their own lives!”

Doyoung’s face got red and he pointed a finger at me, “You don’t get to tell me what’s wrong and what’s right! I’m not perfect; you think you’re the only one with flaws, Y/N?! Wake up! I’m not the perfect brother you always make me out to be! Once you start working for the mafia there’s no way out—”

“You work for the mafia?!” I screamed, seeing Doyoung in a different light for the first time. He really wasn’t the person I thought he was. The innocent Doyoung never existed, at least not since he’s been working for the mafia apparently.

“No, but I help them out sometimes. Mingyu and I made a pact a long time ago—”

“Kim Mingyu is the mafia leader?”

“Yes—”

“Who is Jeon Wonwoo?” Doyoung paused for a second, eyebrows furrowing. I raised my eyebrows at him as I waited for an answer. Oh, and he was going to give me all the answers I wanted.

“A very skilled getaway driver, Mingyu’s closest and most trusted friend, and his chauffeur.” Doyoung answered me after he took a deep breath, searching my face for a reaction. But it never came, I surpassed it. I felt tired and I was aching all over, I need a warm bath and sleep. I didn’t even want to know anything anymore, that was enough.

“Let’s go home.” I said with a sigh and walked up to the police car, “I’m very tired.”

“Y/N—”

“Now, Doyoung.” I snapped and opened the door, sitting inside angrily. Doyoung shook his head before following suit, remaining silent for the rest of the night.

Isn’t Wonwoo just the most amazing person you’ve ever—Shut up, I shouted in my head, closing my eyes tightly. I was done listening to the voices. I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. No, Wonwoo was a criminal and he made it very clear what he’d do if I said anything about what happened. I was going to ask Mark to return that damned t-shirt to him and I never wanted to see Wonwoo again or talk to him again. I blocked his number and deleted all pictures I had of him in my phone. In the morning, when I was home alone, I was going to burn every single thing I had collected about him, every single picture I snapped. He was a criminal and I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

           Ever since last night Doyoung was acting like I was an alien. He didn’t speak to me; he didn’t even look at me! He quietly greeted me when I walked to the kitchen to have breakfast, but before I could thank him for making breakfast or ask him how he slept, he was out of the front door. He barely checked up on me all day, and when I gave him a call to ask him if he’d come home for lunch as I cooked food, he didn’t answer but sent a text saying that he couldn’t speak to me at the moment. It was pissing me off. I didn’t want him to make this harder for us. What I found out was a lot to take in and I wasn’t proud of him, but he was my brother and he was the only person who stood by my side since day one without judging me. I loved him very much and I needed him next to me. I needed him to understand that nothing changed between us, besides the fact that currently I was very pissed off and scared. The police were still patrolling around the neighborhood as no DNA was found inside the house that didn’t belong to us, and honestly, I was on the verge of inviting the officers inside the house as I jumped at every sound. Sleep came easily as I was very stressed, but my eyes opened at five in morning and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep, so I got to work. I gathered everything I had on Wonwoo and threw it in the fireplace in the back garden and watched it as it burned away in the morning light. It eased my nerves a little bit as I clutched the blanket tighter around me, knowing that Wonwoo was out of town today. But tomorrow he wouldn’t be, and I had a feeling that he was still going to want to meet up with me. But I didn’t want to, not anymore. Knowing that Mark wasn’t sleeping at that hour, I called him, and told him everything that happened. He was very sorry and felt really guilty and promised to never send me off to watch mafia members, I was content with that. Watching shady business men was alright, but following mafia members wasn’t fun anymore. I stayed inside the whole day after I went on my run and just cleaned and cooked even more. I updated my blog and accepted a request of someone to put up my photos in their gallery next month. Since Mark wasn’t going to contact me for a while now, I started looking for vacation destinations. I really needed it, I had to get away from the city for a while. The voices went quiet and even when I listened closely, I only heard intangible whispers. It was good, it meant I was over Wonwoo. Even if I wasn’t really. The fairytale I was living in was shattered and as I glanced at his folded t-shirt, I sighed. I was hoping that for once I finally found someone who would be good for me, but it turned out I was very wrong. Usually my hunches were good, but this time I was totally blinded by his attractiveness and the voices that never knew better. Shaking my head, I remembered the old lady from the woods and wondered if she was still alive…or if she’d recognize me if I showed up. She told me she’d welcome me anytime again, but I didn’t visit her very frequently as my family was keeping a close eye on me after I ran away, and it was fine. But now, I craved to be engulfed in total silence and the green nature around me.

Nightfall came and I was eating on the couch as I watched a reality show, laughing loudly when something was amusing. It wasn’t very late, but the sun still set early as we haven’t passed the spring solstice yet. I just bit into the meatball I made for lunch when the front door was unlocked and I heard Doyoung’s keys.

“Hi!” I called out with my mouth full, raising the hand with which I was holding the fork to wave at him. Doyoung hummed and went to the fridge directly and opened it.

“Oh, I made a lot of food today,” I said as I turned around, resting both legs on the couch, “Meatballs, found some spaghetti too so I made some sauce for it. I made a salad with the veggies we had and lentil cream soup, your favorite!”

But Doyoung didn’t react and my eyebrows furrowed as I chewed the food I had in my mouth. This had do end right now, I wasn’t going to let my brother treat me like I was invisible just because I found out that he’s a corrupt cop.

“Hey!” I snapped, placing the plate on the coffee table forcefully, “Stop being a pussy and face me!”

Doyoung sighed and threw a glance at me as he took out the soup and I spoke again, “Aren’t I the one supposed to be giving you the silent treatment?!”

Doyoung just shrugged as he took a bowl and poured soup into it, “I don’t know…”

“Nice to hear you are still able to speak—”

“Are you not mad?” Doyoung cut me off before I could finish my sarcastic remark and I glared at him.

“I’m very mad, but it doesn’t mean that I’ll stop acknowledging you, yeah? What kind of shit person does that?” I rolled my eyes and Doyoung chuckled, throwing a glance at me as he sat at the table to eat.

“The me kind of shit person apparently.” I chuckled and resumed eating as Doyoung did too. I lowered the volume of the TV a little bit and turned back towards him again, taking in his attire. His uniform changed; I didn’t notice it this morning.

“You have a new uniform?” I asked with a grin and Doyoung nodded, looking down at himself.

“Yeah, I got it today.” I nodded and bit into the meatball.

“Well, congratulations—next time lock the mafia guys up, yeah?” Doyoung paused and I knew it was too soon to joke about this, but I wasn’t exactly joking. My tone wasn’t playful at all and Doyoung sighed, wordlessly nodding as he started slurping his soup.

“Were you that hungry? You didn’t even change…” I wondered as Doyoung finished eating and stood up.

“No, but I have to go to the funeral house. It’s Sana’s watcher…” My lips formed a thin line as I nodded, finishing my dinner wordlessly as Doyoung moved around the kitchen. He squeezed some lemon in his water and drank it, closing his eyes for a second. His body seemed tense and he was hunched a little forward as he washed away the dishes he used.

“Don’t come too late, you should rest more.” I said as Doyoung nodded and put on his shoes, taking his keys.

“You too, don’t wait for me.” He said and I nodded, watching him leave the house. The locked the door and I sighed, getting up from the couch. I walked to the sink and washed the plate and fork I used, putting them away. I left the TV on as I just wanted to change into my pajamas and go back to watch something before bed. But as I reached my door, I heard footsteps outside the front door and knocking. Rolling my eyes, I walked to the front door and unlocked it, ready to tease Doyoung for forgetting something at home again. But it wasn’t Doyoung. I froze as I stared at Wonwoo’s face, goosebumps suddenly covering my body. Then I realized it was Wonwoo and quickly tried to slam the door closed, but Wonwoo was quick to react and he started pushing it back. I hissed and put all of my weight against it, struggling to close it as Wonwoo was pushing just as hard to open it up. I was wearing socks and my right leg slipped on the tiles and Wonwoo gained advantage as my weight shifted. He was able to push it wide enough to slip inside and I quickly abandoned the thought of trying to keep him out of the house and ran to the cupboard full of knives. I quickly opened it and took out the sharpest knife we had and turned around, just in time as Wonwoo almost reached me.

“Stay away!” I pointed the knife at him and he stayed rooted, his sharp eyes gazing into mine, “What do you want? I didn’t say anything to anyone—Doyoung already knew about you! You want your bloody t-shirt?! It’s in my room!”

Wonwoo remained silent and I jerked my hand slightly, showing him that I wasn’t afraid to stab him. I wouldn’t go down without a good fight, in case he thought I was scared of him. Which I was, but I was angrier right now and it ruled over my fear.

“I just came to talk.” Wonwoo said calmly and I chuckled dryly, rolling my eyes.

“Oh, nice talking. This is how you usually do it? You break into someone’s house and get threatened by a knife and then just…talk?”

“I usually don’t get threatened.” Wonwoo answered with a shrug and I huffed, eyes darting towards my phone that was on the coffee table. If I outsmart Wonwoo, I can get to my phone and run inside my room and jump out the window. Then he can try and talk to me, but I won’t be here anymore.

“Well…less stressful for you, I guess.” I tried stalling, gripping the knife tighter, “But I’m not in the mood to talk.”

“Just listen to me, I’m not here to hurt you.” Wonwoo’s voice softened and his eyes did too as he tried pleading me with his gaze. I rolled my eyes and then lunged towards him, without the intention of stabbing him. I just wanted to take him off guard, to distract him. And it worked as he jumped back with a gasp, his sharp eyes widening. I dropped the knife and pushed him hard, making him fall onto his butt. I quickly ran around him and got to the fridge when I was grabbed. Well, obviously my plan wasn’t a smart one and this is why Doyoung checked on me regularly. I really needed someone to look after me. I yelped as Wonwoo’s arms went around my waist and roughly yanked me back, pinning me against the table with his body. He didn’t look very pleased and my heart started beating quickly, thinking of a way to free myself from his grip. I could either kneel him or just try and headbutt him, but it seemed like Wonwoo guessed what I was thinking as his lean and muscular body molded into mine. My wrists were pinned to the table and I shivered, his cologne hitting my nose hard. He smelled like musk and gunpowder again and he was so close I could count his lashes if I wanted to. I craned my head back and tried to move around, but it only made me feel more parts of body and that was too much just yet.

Look at this compromising position, Y/N. All you have to do is lean in and open your knees, isn’t that what you’ve wanted all along? We are guessing Wonwoo wants the same thing…not that we are complaining.

I tried to remain unexpressive as the voices suddenly returned and were very loud, of course they’d come back in a situation like this one.

“Well, this is very uncomfortable.” I said quietly, maintaining the eye contact with Wonwoo. My heart was beating fast and I could feel the heat in my cheeks. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. Why do I still like him? After yesterday…how can I still like him?

“Well, you didn’t give me a choice.” Wonwoo muttered, his low voice vibrating against his chest and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” I scoffed and then glared at him, “why would I want to talk to a criminal? Let alone give him a chance to explain himself?”

“Did you let your brother explain himself?” Wonwoo’s eyebrows rose and I glanced away, trying to free my wrists again.

“Kind of…” Wonwoo just hummed and lessened his hold on my wrist so that it didn’t hurt anymore. The bicep he squeezed so hard was now a beautiful shade of green and purple.

“Then it’s my turn—”

“Whatever Wonwoo, I really don’t care. You’re part of the mafia and you robbed the jewelry shops Mark asked me to watch yesterday. And then you had to run away because Mark alerted the police thanks to me and then very sadly you got in the same cab with me. And look at my bicep, you did that.” I snapped, looking down at the bruise as Wonwoo’s gaze followed. His eyebrows furrowed and he sighed, looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” He muttered with remorse as he looked at it again. His words and reaction were genuine but I just rolled my eyes.

“A little late for that, now—” I shoved myself into him, but it did nothing, “Let go of me.”

Wonwoo’s lips pulled in a straight line and he shook his head, seemingly thinking about what to do next. But I started struggling and trying to move him back so that I would be able to knee him. But he probably knew that was what I was trying to do and squeezed my legs together between his.

“God, the second I get out of your hold I will beat you up so badly, Wonwoo, no one will be able to recognize you—” Wonwoo’s deep laughter echoed in the house as I looked at him menacingly. I wasn’t joking, I really wanted to beat him up and I would, but I needed to free myself first.

“I love how you underestimate me; the shock will be bigger once I’m done—” But Wonwoo’s laughter was so contagious that I had to fight back my own. His nose was scrunched up and I just noticed how he wasn’t wearing glasses. His hair was styled back and he seemed to be wearing some fancy clothes, his pants were silky. He was very attractive, but I tried to ignore my sudden thirst for him. So, I looked away and he slowly stopped laughing, my eyes fell on the front door as I tried coming up with another escape route. But on the ground were five white lilies and I felt my mind go blank as I stared at them. There’s no possible way anyone brought those in, Doyoung and I never buy white lilies, and Wonwoo is the only one that just barged in. Wonwoo.

“Oh my God,” I muttered in despair, looking at Wonwoo all frantic, “Did you—bring those flowers? Wonwoo?!”

Wonwoo looked at the flowers and cleared his throat, looking back at me, “Yeah.”

“Oh my God.” I muttered again and felt like a deer caught in headlights. It was Wonwoo all along? What is happening? I don’t understand anything anymore!

Well…at least you found out who your secret admirer is. And it’s Wonwoo, you should be happy it’s him and not some old creep—

“Shut up!” I exclaimed, squeezing my eyes shut, “This can’t be happening. No fucking way.”

Wonwoo looked confused when I opened my eyes and looked at him, “You were breaking in our house for two weeks?!”

“You’re the one to make a scene, huh?” Wonwoo suddenly raised his voice and his eyes narrowed as he started glaring at me, “You’ve been stalking me for two weeks.”

I gaped at him and blinked, taken off guard, “I—I wasn’t—what?”

“Yeah, you really thought I wouldn’t know?” He chuckled unamused, “I’m surprised it took you this long to realize it was me bringing the flowers.”

My eyebrows furrowed and I looked at him confused, “How was I supposed to know?! I thought you had no idea I was watching you—”

“Stalking me.”

“Stalking you, whatever,” I rolled my eyes, trying to make sense of the situation, “It doesn’t give you the right to break in my room and—were you marking your territory or some shit mafias do? Were you showing other mafias that you were to be the one to kill me—”

“What nonsense are you talking about?” Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrowed and I tried to push him away again, my back was becoming numb, “You fantasize too much. Mafias don’t do that, but—”

“But what?!” I snapped, eyes widening.

“I did think of killing you in the first three days of you stalking me.” Wonwoo finished with a smirk. My heart skipped another beat as I started breathing faster, his musky scent made me feel dizzy.

“What?!” I exclaimed and started struggling against Wonwoo again, trying to free myself, “For God’s sake, I can’t feel my back anymore, Wonwoo!”

He gave me a look that said if I tried running away again he’d tie me to a chair and leave me there until Doyoung returned, he probably would’ve gagged me too, so I just sighed and let go of all muscles, softening my body. Wonwoo’s eyes gazed into mine intently and his hold slowly loosened as he seemed to lean in subconsciously. My eyes fell onto his lips and realized how plump his upper lip was, but we both snapped out if at the same time as he stepped back and I jumped away from the table, breathing hard. I massaged my lower back as best as I could as I licked my lips and looked at Wonwoo with a glare.

“I don’t like what I’m about to say—” And I took a deep breath and watched as Wonwoo started smirking again, “But what if…we both just forget about all the shit we did and…go on and live our lives like we never met. And, I don’t know, get some therapy as we both apparently need it badly.”

My words made Wonwoo laugh again and I actually smiled this time too, feeling tired after all the new information dumped on me.

“I can’t do that,” Wonwoo said once his laughter died down, “I can’t continue living like I never met you.”

I shrugged and ran my hands through my hair, looking away from him, “Well, I can and I will. So, you better do the same or else I’ll tell Doyoung about everything and he’ll be really pissed and won’t care about Mingyu or whoever, yeah?”

Look at our Y/N lying like that, as if all of this didn’t happen because of her.

I felt Wonwoo move closer to me and his fingers ghosted over the bruise on my left bicep, “Can you really pretend I don’t exist? When you started this?”

“I didn’t start shit!” I snapped and turned my body away from his, “I stalked you for two weeks and I won’t do it anymore because I got over you. I always do. It never lasts for long, you’re not special.”

But he is Y/N, you know it. He knows it.

“Really?” Wonwoo muttered with a small smile and I just shrugged, avoiding his gaze, “Because I watched you the whole time we were in the same Coffee Shop. You were following that businessman, working for Mark, I assume. I noticed how you couldn’t stay still and how you whispered things to yourself. How the barista lit up when she saw you and talked to you. If you wouldn’t have stalked me after that day, I would’ve still found you.”

I just gulped and felt all the anger, frustration, fear melt away as I slowly looked at Wonwoo, “But you broke inside my bedroom…to give me flowers…”

My voice was small and he nodded as he stepped closer, placing his palm on my cheek. I almost jumped at how warm his palm was again and tried to ignore the rapid beat of my heart, “And I was wrong to do that…sorry.”

“Sorry for stalking you.” I muttered and a small grin appeared on Wonwoo’s lips as he closed the distance between our bodies again.

“I’m also sorry for the other bad things I did.” Wonwoo added.

“Yeah, fuck you.” I said with a chuckle and his grin widened into a smile.

You’d love that, wouldn’t you, Y/N?

I rolled my eyes at the voices but Wonwoo didn’t react as he leaned down and his red lips pressed against my cheek, making me blush instantly. Why did I forgive him so easily? Maybe because both of us fucked up big time this time.

“I still expect to see you tomorrow at lunch for our date, so tell Mark to stay at home.” My eyes widened as Wonwoo stepped back, letting go of my cheek.

“How do you know—”

“I’m in the mafia, remember? I know everything.” He winked and walked towards the front door.

“And you called me the stalker.” He chuckled as he opened the door and stepped outside.

“Don’t tell Doyoung just yet, he’s very mad for what I did yesterday—”

“Yeah, me too.” I cut him off and Wonwoo gave me an apologetic smile.

“Sleep well.”

“Don’t break in my room anymore!” I called out as he walked down towards the gate, turning around to wave at me. I rolled my eyes and closed the front door, locking it. Jesus, this really is not how I expected things to turn out. I don’t think I need to watch any TV to feel sleepy. This is my cue to rest and worry about what to wear tomorrow for lunch.

You can wear whatever, Wonwoo is head over heels for you, Y/N. And as we’re seeing, you’re too for him.

[krabmeat]

𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎?

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: c!Quackity, c!Techno, c!Tommy, c!Tubbo, c!Schlatt 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: violence, fighting, threats, weapons, panic attack, manipulation, yelling

𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎:

another lore fic for my dsmp persona, this wasnt a request just something i wanted to post! enjoy! :]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

The molten and glowing netherite dented into the ideal shape that Krabs had in mind. Currently she was in her smithy at home working on a dozen netherite tipped arrows. She hadn’t tried making arrows before but when Techno asked her for a commission for it, how hard could it be, right? By the looks of it, it seems to be turning out well. She managed to make a strong, dense metal fit the characteristic requirements of an arrow that should be light and steady.

On about her 5th one, 4 steady knocks come from her door. 

‘I’m not expecting anyone today…?’

The same knocks rumble from the spruce wood. Krabs puts down her welding tools and goes to put on her worn and ripped navy trench coat. 

“Yeah, hold up! I’ll be there real quick!”

Grabbing Axe My Beloved and heading for the door, she places her weapon next to the door out of view in case she needs to use it at all. Opening the door, she realizes she needs her weapon in her hands once she sees the man on the other side.

“Ah, Krabs! Just the lady I wanted to see!”

Krabs furrows her brow and gets in a defensive position, grabbing Axe My Beloved and holding it in front of her.

“Why are you here? How the hell did you get past the forest and what do you want?”

Her words are like venom, the hostility practically oozing out of her body. Quackity takes a casual step back and holds his hands up in surrender.

“Relax, relax! I’m not here to hurt you, maybe- just here to discuss some…business.”

He can see the confusion on Krabs’ face along with how dumb she thinks he’s being. Deciding to humor his request, she pretends to think about what he said and acts like she’s taking it into consideration before dropping her expressions that made Quackity hopeful.

“I don’t think you see how much of a contradicting dumba$$ you sound like right now. We have nothing to discuss so get off my property, you’ll lower the property value.”

She walks away and waits for the door to slam shut after swinging it closed, but it never happens. Instead the door is met with Quackity’s foot as he opens it and lets himself in without warning. Krabs turns around and he’s already right behind her.

“What the- QUACKITY WHAT THE F*CK?! GET OUT!”

Krabs swings her axe at Quackity, making them easily dodgeable as to not hurt him but more so to scare him away. 

“Well you let other people talk to you about what’s on their mind! Cmonnn, how is this any different?”

“Man, I have no clue! It couldn’t possibly be because you always want me dead whenever I see you! You tell me Quackity, why is it any different?” Krabs says.

He then gets a small smirk grazed across his lips. He knows that she’s being sarcastic, but pretends to play dumb.

“I have no idea what you're talking about! You're really just gonna ignore someone who needs to talk to you? Wow...I thought you were better than this.”

Krabs stops and rolls her eyes, sighing as she walks to a door expecting Quackity to keep up, which he does.

“Leave all your weapons outside the room. I’m keeping mine next to my chair because I still don’t trust you but other than that I won’t have any weapons either. This is the best you’ll get from me.”

The room contains 2 small navy couches across from each other, 3 black leather stools along the wall and a small coffee table between the 2 couches. A big window with open, white shutters is on the right wall and the rest of the walls are a plain grey tone. Sure enough, Krabs grabs a stool and sits down after leaning Axe My Beloved against it while instructing Quackity to sit wherever he wants after he places his weapons outside the door. They are both seated when Krabs nods at Quackity, signaling him to start speaking.

“Well it looks like you’ve got a nice place here! I have to say, I saw some of the weapons you’ve made in your workshop and your work is amazing!”

He’s seated on the couch, looking around at the small room and taking it all in. He can sense the uneasiness from Krabs and it makes him smile.

“Yeah...I was working on a new commission before you came knocking at my door. Some netherite tipped arrows for Techno.”

Krabs starts fidgeting with her hands, scratching her thumb against her index finger. She’s reluctant to make eye contact with the scarred man in front of her. She knows he’s staring her down and it makes her wanna shrink down into her seat, but she won’t. Looking vulnerable isn't exactly up her alley, so she takes on a more casual look but still avoids eye contact.

“Hm...look, we’re both busy people so I’ll cut to the chase. I’m sure you've heard of the new country I’m starting up, Las Nevadas. Everything’s built, there’s a bunch of casinos and it’ll be one of the most economically prosperous places you’ll ever see. I’m asking you to join my country Krabs. Join me.”

“Um...excuse me, what? Out of all people, you’re asking me to join your country? Man, how desperate are you? Of course I’m not joining! Let alone a country led by you, Quackity.”

Quackity tilts his head to the side in amusement as if he was expecting this response. Which he was. He’s not surprised that she reacted that way. I mean, one of your worst enemies who’s always out for your throat asking to stand side by side with you? That’s practically asking to be labeled as suspicious!

“You’re still holding onto the past, I see. Krabs, you need to stop looking back. L’manburg is f*cking gone and there’s nothing we can do about it. I don’t care anymore that you helped blow it up because I moved on. You should too.”

Krabs lets out a long, aggravated sigh and tightly clenches her hands together to relieve pressure.

“Maybe if you would take the f*cking time to listen for once, our sh*t could have been resolved a long time ago! I tried telling you why I had to help build the detonator but YOU decided to not let me speak and instead shoved me to the damn ground and made stupid false accusations. Why the hell do you think Tommy isn’t mad at me for helping? Or Tubbo? Because they had the common sense to let me EXPLAIN, QUACKITY! Our issues with each other are all on you, so quit trying to shove it all down my throat. Either way, I’m not gonna join you. I’m not Techno, Quackity. I don’t team with my enemies, you’ll just stab me in the back later.”

“Your ‘reasoning’ for why you helped is for another chat. It’s funny how you bring up Technoblade, though. You guys seem to work with each other a lot, right? I mean, he trusts you enough to let you live in the same area as him! But...what else is there to you?”

“Hm, well as you know I’m a welder, builder, blacksmith, redstone intelligent, pretty good at PVP and the general therapist of the Dream SMP. I also have my fair share in historical events, so there’s quite a bit to me actually.”

A long sigh and a slow head shake of disapproval comes from Quackity. 

“And yet, you’re still as significant as a grain of sand.”

Krabs doesn’t get offended or angry, but rather curious and suspicious. Her eyes squint at him, tilting her head slightly to the side waiting for him to continue.

“Krabs, what word have you built for yourself? What title? ‘The Laborer’? ‘The Therapist’? You block out everyone from yourself, you’ve made yourself dull and boring. You have nothing to hide if you join me, Krabs. You’ll be someone!”

“Did you just completely ignore everything I just said?”

She finally looks up at Quackity, squinting at him. Accepting his request to chat is something she regrets now.

“I’m not ignoring anything, I’m telling you the cold hard truth. All of the sh*t you’ve been a part of was never you. All you are is an asset to peoples victory, and since you jump around so much your help isn’t as respected anymore as it used to be! You’re just Technoblades assistant. You’re just Tommy’s assistant. You’re just your ‘fathers’ assistant. And sooner or later they’ll realize your worth and drop you. They’re going to leave you, Krabs.”

The last phrase sends chills of anxiety and paranoia down Krabs’ spine. Was that really true? I mean, she had always known that she was less than her friends but pushing those kinds of thoughts away were a normally practiced thing for her. Her vicious shaking proved why she always tried to shove away the thought. Tears threatened to dump from her eyes as she downcasted her gaze to try and hide her sorrow, her breaths shallow and shaky. 

“Shut the f*ck up…”

Quackity is a bit taken aback by her current state, but quickly tries to recover and recoil with an answer.

“It’s not my fault you’re too much of a p*ssy to-“

“I SAID SHUT THE F*CK UP! SO F*CKING HELP ME QUACKITY IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD I WILL NOT HESITATE TO SLICE YOUR TORSO IN HALF-“

Krabs’ yells, sobs, and threats choke to a stop as her neck is held at knife point with her axe kicked away from her reach by Quackity.

“Try to kill me and I’ll slit your throat right here with your own f*cking finger, Krabs.”

Both of them know what he means by that. He snuck in the knife he made after chopping one of Krabs’ iron fingers a while ago. She welded a new one back, but he got it made into a pocket knife just to spite her. And now here she is, being threatened with her own material. Her head is tilted upwards exposing her neck more but not wanting the knife to be in more contact with her skin. It feels like time stands still for a couple of seconds. With Krabs trying to fully process the situation while also trying to not look as weak and shattered as she does, and Quackity feeling both prideful yet slightly shocked that he has one of his longtime enemies finally backed up into a corner. Tears are running down Krabs’ cheeks but she can't wipe them away in fear of the blade being pushed further into her skin. But the silence gives her time to calm down and recoil.

“So, you're gonna take a life? Go ahead. Attack when your opponent is at their weakest, like always. Pathetic. Killing me wouldn't do anything, it would be a dishonorable kill and you would lose a precious member of Las Nevadas.”

His thoughts linger on the first part of what she said, when he realizes the last part. The knife hesitates and releases pressure from Krabs’ skin, giving her the chance to slowly back away from the knife. Once she's leaned back into the stool enough, Krabs dives for her axe but Quackity reacts before she can get to it and slams her stomach into the wall harshly with his shoulder. He crouches down in front of her aching body as she hisses in pain, cradling her stomach with her right arm.

“This is a dangerous f*cking game you're playing here, Krabs. Repeat that last thing you said.”

But no words come out of her mouth. They're all stuck in her mind. Her eyes are squeezed shut and hard breaths are escaping her nose. The words in her mind are ping-ponging all over the place and it feels like everything is both in and out of her grasp. Both her thoughts and her body are shaking- she's having a panic attack. An event that Quackity is all too familiar with from his Manburg days. The way Schlatt was like during their partnership in running Manburg, the abuse was both mental and physical so panic attacks aren't a foreign thing for Quackity. After he realizes this, he waits. Obviously he's not the person to help Krabs with this, and he doesn't think she would want help from him after what he did, so he lets her calm down on her own before engaging in a preferably more calm conversation.

“Are you able to listen to me now?”

A genuine question, no sarcasm, annoyance or malice laced in between. Krabs nods her head while keeping her gaze on the spruce floor in front of her. Quackity takes on a less menacing tone and instead speaks casually to not bring attention to Krabs’ current state, as well as to make things easier and less tense.

“Look, I heard you say something that hinted you were joining me. Were you telling the truth?”

Krabs takes a deep breath. Her voice is quiet and raspy, but she manages to mumble out a response.

“Admittedly, I said that to throw you off guard…”

Quackity chuckles quietly. Of course she would do that, how did he not realize? Still though, he's gotta admit it was pretty clever. 

“You’re really hard to convince, aren't you?”

“Considering I'm your enemy, of course I'm gonna be difficult.”

“Well, then how about we make a bet for it then? It is a casino dependent nation, after all.”

Krabs looks up at Quackity, her eyes bloodshot but still wanting to know more of this bet Quackity has in mind. Her right eyebrow raises in wonder.

“We duel. If I win, you join me in Las Nevadas and capitalize off of the plot of land I'll be giving you. As well as pledging loyalty to the nation, following our laws, etc etc.”

“And if I win?”

“Straight to the point I see! If you win...not only will you not have to join Las Nevadas, you will also have immediate connections to me- the owner of the nation- if you ever get into any sh*t and you won’t need to owe anything in return, and I'll also keep the little episode you just had completely under wraps. Deal?”

Quackity holds out his hand to Krabs, waiting for her to seal the deal. She stares at his hand, thinking about the offer.

‘Seems fair enough…wouldn't want news spilling out anyways.’

“Hm, deal. When is this duel of yours taking place, and where? What are the rules?”

She shakes his hand then lets go, listening closely.

“It'll be in The Needle in Las Nevadas in about an hour or so. Bring as many weapons or materials as you wish, but no armor to make things more interesting. The first one to put down their weapon and surrender loses the bet,”

He gets up from his crouched position and heads for the door. 

“See ya in about an hour, Krabs. Start preparing! I know I will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Krabs looks down at the small piece of paper with the coordinates sloppily written on it. Quackity had placed it on her workbench before leaving, so she followed it after packing everything she thought she needed. A huge red and white sign stood proudly next to the concrete walkway.

Las Nevadas

read the sign. This was the place, she knew it. Not only from the obnoxiously bright sign, but also because of the golden winged man sitting just below the sign. Krabs whistles at Quackity, causing him to spot her walking towards him.

“Alright then, let's make this quick. Follow me, we're going to The Needle.”

To say the country was impressive was an understatement. Casinos, food joints, gathering places scattered all across the roads. The sun started to slowly set about a minute ago, making everything a beautiful golden orange hue. Krabs keeps her comments to herself, but looks around in wonder. She hadn't seen such a beautiful place ever since before the detonation of L’manburg. Krabs didn't say anything, but Quackity could see the look of amazement on her face and felt his ego boost a bit.

“Yknow, we don't even have to fight if you already like it here-!”

“Now who said anything about that?”

The elevator dings, and the two exit the small glass room into the highest and most spacious level of The Needle. The view is like nothing Krabs has ever seen before. The sky started taking on a darker hue, meaning that lights were being turned on throughout the country. And man, what a sight it was. 

“So, are you ready?”

She snaps out of her trance, only to be met with Quackity standing in a fighting position on the other side of the room, sword in hand with potion effects floating around him. Krabs nods and proceeds to take out Axe My Beloved and eats a gapple. 

And with that, the duel starts. Quackity is first to react, lunging at Krabs and slicing his sword at her. A swift move to the left and she evaded the attack and hacks her axe into Quackity’s torso. Dislodging it, blood drips from her weapon, yet he hasn't dropped. Instead, his skin has woven back together leaving not a scar behind, only a tear in his shirt. Time feels slow but is moving fast when their weapons strike each other, they both reposition their weapons to a flatter angle to try and shove the other away. 5 distinct seconds are gone, Quackity takes a potion from his inventory and quickly down the bottle, smashing the empty glass to the side while overpowering Krabs with one hand on his sword. 

‘Regeneration and strength potions…’

Quackity managed to push her to the ground on her back, his sword striking against her axe she's using to block. His strength potion hasn't worn out yet so his sword is getting closer and closer to Krabs’ neck before she swipes her foot at his legs, making him fall over but getting a light cut on her arm.

Both of them are breathing heavily. Quackity’s regeneration potion has worn off but his strength potion hasn't. It's become clear to Krabs that he's relying on potions to win, which is perfect for what she's been saving. Clang after clang from blocked attacks, they've been going at each other for a good 10 minutes now when suddenly Quackity disappears after downing another bottle.

‘That f-cker had an invisibility potion!!’

His steps are quiet and he's making no noise, making things almost impossible to locate him. Krabs orbits around the center of the room, being cautious of any noise she hears or any potion effects she spots. Her eyes catch the familiar colorful potion effects rushing for her, she takes out a splash potion bottle filled with milk and smashes it in the general area of the potion effects. She wasn't sure if this experiment was gonna work, so she was surprised when all of the potion effects Quackity had wore off immediately, making him both visible and weaker. His sword gets a few inches stuck in Krabs’ metal arm that she had used to block herself with. It's wedged in enough that Krabs can yank the sword away from his grasp, dislodge the sword from her arm and throw it out the window. Glittering, clear shards scatter everywhere, and Quackity has been disarmed. The perfect opportunity open to her, Krabs rushes Quackity, holding her axe to his chest. The only thing behind him is the velvety sky, a cool breeze dancing through the few hairs exposed from under his beanie. 

“Well, this has been a good fight! But you should have been more precautious, after all-”

For what seems to be the millionth time, he downs a potion from his inventory and tosses the bottle out of the already shattered window.

“-I am a gambler!”

He leans back into the night sky. Krabs expected an immediate death until she saw him slowly float down from the top of the building, laughing in overwhelming pride and satisfaction- he got away.

“HAH! GOOD FIGHT KRABS, BUT I HAVE A COUNTRY TO RUN AND I CAN’T RUN IT IF I’M DEAD! THE OFFERS STILL OPEN THOUGH, HIT ME UP IF YOU WANT THAT PLOT OF LAND!”

Quackity’s feet softly hit the ground, picking up his sword and walking away from the building with his own little victory. Krabs scoffs as he walks away, but not in pure hatred or anger. More so amused. Maybe she would just take the plot of land. What could go wrong, right?

[writingtoforgetreality]

Stuck with U (Peter Hale x Reader)

[Teen Wolf-Masterlist]

Summary: The only thing the pack wanted to do was to find the hunters that kept hurting the innocent. A plan was a good start but what if they managed to kidnap you anyway? And if that was not enough...with Peter out of everyone. To say you guys despised one another would be an understatement. Still, the most important thing now was to keep a clear head & to work on a solution. Together.

Words: 3,482

Warnings: language, Peter & Reader being sarcastic assholes, age gap (Reader is of legal age), kidnapping, angst (so much angst), fluff (bc let´s be honest...Peter is a big ol´ softie)

Inspired by: “Stuck with U” by Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber 

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Mmm Hey, yeah (That's just for fun) (What?) Ah, yeah

You were in your senior year of high school & even though you loved your friends endlessly, you were eager to graduate & leave Beacon High behind you. There were just way too many bad experiences you associated with that place. But, on a lighter note, if you had not started at this high school, you would have never met the pack. At first, it scared the shit out of you. The monsters you had dreamed about as a small child were reality. They were somewhere out there, in the dark corners of the country.

Lately, you guys had a little, well actually not so little, problem with a few hunters who wanted to see your pack dead, you included. Why? You were not sure. It was not like you were a werewolf or a banshee. Just a simple teenager who got thrown into this mess. But you did not want to have it any other way. Yeah, the days as an average human surrounded by powerful supernatural beings were hard but you knew how much you were needed.

You were all located at Derek´s loft, figuring out a way to stop the hunters. Now, not all hunters were bad. Chris Argent, for example, was eager to help you guys to put the killers to a stop just as much as you did. The thing was that it always seemed they were a step ahead of you. Even some of Stiles´ plans had previously failed, much to your dismay.

“Maybe we should just go into groups of two & trick them into thinking we´re not all planning on hunting them down?” Peter sighed with a roll of his eyes.

“Sure, because that always works in the movies, right?” it was you who shot him a glance, making the rest of the pack grow quiet.

Peter & you hated each other. Ever since you guys first met. You were fed up with his constant sarcasm & how he could not see the real danger & had to make fun of everything. He immediately caught up to your negative feelings toward him, thanks to his werewolf senses. And neither of you were sure why you hated each other so much, you simply kept rolling with it. The others were at a point where they did not even pay much attention to your bickering anymore. You had better things to do for fuck´s sake.

You were not really paying attention to what the others were saying, too lost in your own thoughts. Graduation was way sooner than you anticipated & you had not really spent a lot of time studying, due to those fucking hunters. What was even worse...you had to deal with a big ass crush. It was not like you wanted to catch feelings, it just sort of...happened. With so many amazing, kind & attractive guys in your pack...you had to pick the one you “hated” most: Peter Hale. Maybe that was another reason why you always fought with him. To keep your feelings at bay. First of all, he was too old for you, clearly he would not have any interest in such a young person. Second of all, he hated you with his guts, you were sure & everyone else could feel it too. So you hid your feelings, acting as if nothing bothered you whatsoever. By the time you started focusing on the conversation the pack held, the plan was already settled. And by your surprise, Peter´s plan was about to happen. Stiles said if you were able to circle them & two of you being baits, you actually had a chance of stopping them. The pack decided to set out at night so less people would be able to see you.

~time skip~

Another one of Stiles´ plans (well, actually Peter´s plan) failed. At first, everything looked optimistic. You all got into groups of two & Scott said it was better for you to be a bait. Of course you understood why, you did not have “superpowers” like the rest but you were not that bad when it came to fighting, you had to give that to yourself.

“Okay, fine. Does that mean Stiles & I are a group?” you gave up & asked the obvious.

“Um, actually...(Y/N), I need Stiles next to me & we thought it was the best if Peter & you teamed up” Scott hesitated & scratched the back of his neck, knowing you were not okay with the pack´s decision. His words made you snap up. You could not believe what you just heard. You & Peter? It was bad enough that you guys always argued but it was even worse because you knew you could not keep focus with him next to you. Stupid crush…

“I think the fuck not.” Peter growled, throwing a disgusted look at you. Very nice of him. You would lie if you said you were not hurt by his words.

“Peter, you are the last one to decide in this group. So if we say you & (Y/N) are the baits then you don´t argue with us, understood?” this time it was Derek who tried to talk some sense into Peter. It seemed to work because after that, Peter made his way over to the couch & sat down, leaving the rest of you in the kitchen.

“Good luck with him, sweetie. If you need help, you know what to do.” Lydia winked at you, then her face showed a sympathetic look. I'm not one to stick around One strike and you're out, baby Don't care if I sound crazy But you never let me down, no, no That's why when the sun's up, I'm stayin' Still layin' in your bed, sayin'

It was dark & Peter & you were already on position. It was an abandoned alleyway and you would have lied if you claimed you were not scared. Peter seemed to sense your anxiety & tried to calm you down, at least a bit. 

“We have so many badass people on our side, they won´t let anything happen to you. Besides, you still got me.” with that, he shot you a wink to which you started blushing. Your eyes focused on the floor so Peter would  not notice you cheeks heating up. Due to your reaction, he assumed you were but he did not comment on it. He simply smiled. A smile you could not see because your own shoes seemed to peek your interest more.

“(Y/N)! Watch out!” Peter´s scream was the last thing you heard before passing out.

Here you were. Tied up in a room that seemed to have no doors. This fact alone let your anxiety rise up the moment you opened your eyes. Looking around, your eyes settled on Peter who was just a few feet away from you, still unconscious.

“Peter! Peter, wake up!” after a few more tries you heard him groaning out. His wrists were bruised, just like yours, from being tied up. If you had not known better, you would have guessed you two had been held hostage for a long time.

“You alright?” were Peter´s first words, directed at you. You were confused, since when did he care about your well-being? Nevermind, you had bigger issues at the moment.

“I´m fine, how about you?” you lied. To be completely honest, you were a wreck. Your heart was racing, your throat was dry, your wrists were bleeding so bad, they were numb.

“Cut the bullshit, (Y/N)! I´m a werewolf...not a dumbass.” he stated matter of factly. That made you tense up even more. You really were not in the mood for dealing with his hatred.

“Look, Peter, just for as long as we´re here, can we stop the arguing? It´s not helpful.” your voice sounded exhausted. At first, Peter wanted to come at you with a snarky remark but when he looked over to you, he saw nothing but fear so he decided against it.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Got all this time on my hands

Might as well cancel our plans, yeah

I could stay here for a lifetime

Neither of you said much but you both knew you had been locked up for a couple of hours by now. While you were way too tired to think of an escape plan, Peter had spent most of the time using his claws to free himself of the rope wrapped around his wrists. You had told him a while ago that his attempts were useless but he had just growled at you & kept going. Not wanting to argue any further, you let him do whatever & just stayed silent, trying to calm yourself.

Suddenly, you felt someone grabbing your hands, making you shriek. You thought it was one of the guys who had kidnapped you but were surprised when Peter crouched down in front of you.

“Shh, it´s just me, you´re alright.” his voice had a soothing tone to it, something you had not heard from him before. A look at his wrists made you wince. You were sure yours did not look any better. Peter used his claws again, this time working faster because he had two hands he could use. When you were finally freed, your arms fell to your sides, not being strong enough to take a closer look at your wrists.

“We need to bandage your wrists up, otherwise they get infected. Yours are way worse than mine.” his voice was barely above a whisper &, to your surprise, it managed to calm you down a lot better than you thought it would.

“Why?” was all you could say. His eyes searched your (E/C) ones, his face showed a pure look of confusion.

“I just told you, so they don´t get infected. Maybe you should actually listen to what I say.” Peter chuckled as he ripped two pieces off his shirt to wrap around your wrists.

“No, I mean...why are you helping me?” you kept your voice low, somehow embarrassed that you were in need of his help. Usually, you would try everything to handle such things on your own but your exhaustion made it a bit hard for you.

“Because your wrists look, sorry for my language, disgusting & we´re the only ones here right now. If we wanna get out, we need to help each other. Now, would you please shut up & let me treat your wounds?” Peter made sure that the usual bitterness of his voice was gone. He did not want you to freak out even more. If he were honest, he hated seeing you like this, completely worn out & filled with anxiety. He should not have these feelings right now. The only thing that mattered was getting out alive. Why was he thinking about his crush on you? Peter had always felt drawn to you from the moment you first met. Obviously, he was aware of the age gap & that you somehow seemed to hate him. So, to keep things even, he matched your attitude but in a more playful manner. Deep down, every time you guys argued, his crush on you got slightly bigger.

“Thank you.” you breathed out & looked at Peter as he finished bandaging you up. He sent you a small smile which you reciprocated.

“Anytime, darling.” Peter winked at you & yet again caused you to look at the floor & try to hide the blush that crept on your cheeks.

So, lock the door and throw out the key

Can't fight this no more, it's just you and me And there's nothin' I, nothin' I, I can do I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you So, go ahead and drive me insane Baby, run your mouth, I still wouldn't change Being stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you, baby

“Peter?” you asked after a while of comfortable silence. Both of you had tried everything possible to find an escape but escaping a room without any windows or doors was hard.

“Hmm?” he looked up at you to find you fiddling with your hands in your lap.

“What if we die in here? What if Scott & the rest won´t find us? What if-” but Peter cut your rambling off.

“(Y/N)...Try to breathe, okay? In...and out. In and out. There you go.” he went over to you & sat himself right beside you, his thigh next to yours, slightly touching. He waited until he spoke up again.

“Look, first of all, & I told you this earlier, Scott & the rest are freaking badass & they will do everything to find us & get us out, okay?” as you nodded he continued. “And IF it really comes to the outcome of us dying in here, & the possibility of doing so is incredibly small, then we should set some things clear, don´t you think?” he smirked at your confusion.

“What´re you saying?”

“I don´t know...Getting to know each other better, I guess. The only thing I really know about you is that you have an attitude & you seem to use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.” you playfully hit him as he said the last part. “Okay, okay. Let´s start simple then. Hmm, let me think, oh, I got one: Why do you hate me so much?” & with that question of his, you guys started talking, actually talking, not arguing, for the first time ever.

There's nowhere we need to be, no, no, no I'ma get to know you better Kinda hope we're here forever There's nobody on these streets If you told me that the world's endin' Ain't no other way that I can spend it

After what felt like hours, Peter & you found out that your hatred for one another was based off a big misunderstanding. This was just one of the many facts you learned about him. He was right, if you were about to die in this room, then at least with clearing things up. By the time, you were both too exhausted, too tired to talk any more. You did not recall how it happened but your head was laying on Peter´s chest, right above his heart, calming you down. Before you knew it, the both of you were fast asleep.

Oh, oh, oh, oh (ooh) Got all this time in my hands Might as well cancel our plans (yeah, yeah) I could stay here forever

Peter & you were shaken awake by bashing on one of the walls. Peter motioned for you to stay behind him, just in case. Yeah, you were skilled in fighting but he was still way stronger than you. Perks of being a werewolf. From behind, you could see his sharp claws, ready to attack. It almost sounded like a faint voice calling your names. Was this Scott? Maybe you were starting to hallucinate due to the lack of water, food etc. The wall came crashing down but before Peter could jump into action, you screamed “Scott?”

“Oh, thank god..” said Lydia who was right behind Scott. Stiles came rushing forward towards you, kind of ignoring Peter (they did not really get along, surprisingly).

“Are you okay?” Stiles grabbed you by your shoulders & just as you wanted to answer him, the world around you became pitch black.

So, lock the door and throw out the key Can't fight this no more, It's just you and me And there's nothin' I, nothin' I, I can do I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you So, go ahead and drive me insane Baby, run your mouth, I still wouldn't change Being stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you

You could muster some voices in the distance, they sounded far away & you wanted nothing more than to open your eyes & scream for them to get you. But your eyelids felt way too heavy, giving you a hard time to open them. Then, you felt someone taking your hand, the touch felt familiar, warm but you could not quite make out who it was.

“Come on, (Y/N). Wake up. You can´t just open up to me like that & then...disappear. What would I do without your sarcastic comments? Stiles´ comments don´t count, he´s a douchebag. What would I do without your attitude? (Y/N), what would I do without...you?” Peter whispered, not wanting anyone to hear what he just...confessed. Little did he know you actually heard every bit of his confession & you hated your body for not reacting the way you wanted. Peter did not leave your side, though, wanting to be there when you woke up.

Woah Baby, come take all my time Go on, make me lose my mind We got all that we need here tonight

“It´s been days, Peter. You heard what Melissa said. The stress, the anxiety mixed with the exhaustion you both endured, was a lot for her. It will take a while until she wakes up & even if she does...it will most likely take a while until she´s back to her old self.” Derek informed Peter once more about your current condition. He was aware of that, of course, it still did not sink in. He needed you & it took the both of you almost dying for him to realize it.

“I know...It´s just, ugh, I hate myself for not noticing sooner.” Peter sighed, sadness written all over his features.

“Noticing what exactly?” Derek furrowed his brows, waiting for Peter to continue. After that, Peter told Derek everything that had happened between the two of you from the moment on you were kidnapped. This story made Derek realize. Peter had a huge ass crush on you & still had not had the chance to tell you.

“She´ll wake up” Derek tried reasoning. He went over to Peter & gave him a pet on his shoulder.

I lock the door (lock the door) and throw out the key Can't fight this no more (can't fight this no more), it's just you and me And there's nothin' I, nothin' I'd rather do I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you So, go ahead and drive me insane Baby, run your mouth, I still wouldn't change All this lovin' you, hatin' you, wantin' you I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with You, oh, oh

“Hey (Y/N), I brought you coffee, figured you would need it after waking up from such a long nap.” Peter slightly chuckled as he moved closer to the bed you were currently laying in. He placed your cup on the bedside cabinet & took a sip of the one in his hand. His free hand found its way to yours, he interwinted your hands, bringing it up to his lips to give it a small kiss.

“Didn´t know you were such a softie.” you croaked out. As soon as you chuckled you felt how dry your throat was & started coughing. Peter´s eyes widened at your words. You were awake, finally! He grabbed a class of water, helped you sit up & handed it to you. You downed it entirely, the liquid soothing your throat.

“How...How are you feeling? No lies this time!” Peter once again took your hand into his, enjoying the contact & you did not mind either.

“Not gonna lie, I´ve been better. But I´ve been worse too, sooo…I´ll live.” you made sure to send a smile towards Peter in order not to scare him. You were exhausted, yeah, but you would be okay.

“You scared me there for a bit.”

“Because I looked...how did you put it? Disgusting?” your exaggerated voice made him laugh & you joined him.

“On a more serious note...(Y/N), um, I wanted to tell you-”

“I heard you the other day. When you confessed, I heard you but I couldn´t open my damn eyes. I just couldn´t. So, to ease your mind, I was thinking the exact same thing, Peter.” you took his face into your hands & pushed him towards you, your lips colliding, moving in sync. Finally, after many doubts & many arguments, you were kissing him. The Peter Hale. And it was even better than you had ever imagined. After a while, you two pulled away.

“This doesn´t mean I´ll stop dropping my sarcastic comments, just so you know.”

“I wouldn´t want it any differently.” Peter leaned in once again for another kiss. He made sure to put every bit of emotion in it, wanting you to know how he felt for you.

“Guess that means I´m stuck with you then?”

“I guess so.”

Stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you

Published (06/29/2020) by Cathy

Tags: @exceptionallytiredzombie , @theloveshow , @theycallmequeenie , @letsgotothecityandfallinlove , @marvel-gives-me-feels , @blog-lady-vi , @kissingvalentino , @aelin-thefirebreathingbitchqueen , @iclosetgeek , @captainoffantasy [love to everyone tagged <3, let me know if you want a part 2]

[elsanna-shenanigans]

December Contest Submission #11: Cinnamon

words: ca. 4500 setting: mAU lemon: no cw: angst, anxiety, panic attacks, pajama cuddles (not for faint of heart), feet touch (in a gay manner)

A shiver ran down Anna’s spine as she quickly skipped across the hallway, her fuzzy socks slipping on the polished wood like skates on ice. Her head had two close encounters with the wall by the time she reached the destination–Elsa’s bedroom.

It was dark as hell in the hallway, so she could easily see the light seeping out from under the door. With no time to waste for knocking and waiting for an answer–and silently hoping Elsa was just reading or playing with her phone, and not doing something private that she should not see–she turned the doorknob and almost fell into the room.

“Anna?”

She shut the door behind herself and turned around to look at Elsa, who was, indeed, sitting on the bed with an open book in her lap, her brows furrowed in a mix of confusion and worry as she stared back at Anna over her reading glasses.

Without saying anything, she trotted over the floor, slowing down a little only once she reached Elsa’s fluffy rug until she almost flinged herself on her sister’s bed.

“Are you cold?”

Anna huffed irritatedly. “How’d you tell?”

Elsa reached to take off her glasses. “For one, you’re shivering and you have goosebumps on your arms,” she said, touching the tip of her–cold! Anna almost jumped–finger to Anna’s exposed elbow while she put her glasses away on the nightstand. “Two, you came in running here like a startled horse, and you had that little grumpy little baby expression.”

Anna pouted.

“Exactly this one.”

“Stooop,” she whined. Then she quickly swatted at Elsa’s hand as it was making its way to tickle her side. “Elsa! It’s not funny!”

Elsa giggled. “I’m sorry.” There was no hint of remorse in her voice. “I just thought that maybe a bit of physical activity could help warm you up.”

“More like physical torture,” Anna muttered, pulling her feet up to fold her legs on the bed. “Anyway, yes. I’m cold. I’m freezing, honestly.” She sighed. “It feels like maybe fifty degrees in my room, and the rest of the house is barely any better.”

It’s been a few months since they moved in together (after years of living apart, the pandemic of 2020 forced them to re-think the whole ‘independent living alone’ situation) to this lovely apartment in an old building, allegedly built in the early 1800s, a parting gift to them both from their late grandmother. The entire move took place at the beginning of August, when the Summer was still happily around, but not as hot as to make enough of an impact for either Elsa or Anna to notice anything odd–and with the following Autumn being very mild, it still never hit them something was very wrong until after the middle point of November.

Anna had been the first to notice. She’d been sitting in the kitchen pretty late at night, working on a very overwhelming project that made her completely lose track of time and space for a good few hours. Had it not been for the little burst of chilly wind on her neck, she’d probably have spent the entire night up.

Yes. Wind. Cold, frigid gust of wind through the soft hairs at the nape of her neck while she was sitting inside. At first, she’d thought it was a ghost–which she now could admit was maybe not the best assumption, but to her defense she and Elsa did spend the previous two weeks or so watching horror movies every evening.

So, naturally, she’d screamed in horror and ran out of the kitchen, zooming across the hallway to her room, where she’d hid under her covers for about two minutes before a very sleepy and confused Elsa appeared in her doorway.

They’d established it could not be a ghost–it took some time to convince Anna, though–and instead probably just a random little crack in some window frame that let in the cold air from the outside.

The random little crack seemed to be untraceable, though, and soon it had become very painfully clear they were instead dealing with isolation issues all over the place.

“Did you get an extra blanket?” Elsa asked, looking at her with that worry back in her eyes.

“I got three.”

“And you’re still cold?”

“Elsa,” she said–softly, lovingly, but with all the desperation of her aching bones, while she looked her sister deep in the eyes. “I’m not joking. It’s literally freezing in my room, and it’s only marginally better here and I have no freaking idea how you’re just sitting there like this.”

In an attempt to keep warm, Anna took to sleeping in a pair of those long, warm sweatpants and a hoodie, even though she hated the way they kept tangling in her three blankets to the point of her always ending up sleeping in some weird position for the entire night.

Meanwhile, Elsa was reclining against her pillows in nothing but a spaghetti strap silk nightgown.

“It doesn’t really bother me that much,” Elsa answered simply, shrugging with those bare, exposed shoulders. “I actually think the cold helps me sleep better.”

It took every ounce of willpower still left in her for Anna not to burst out laughing/crying at the same time.

Instead, she donned her best kicked puppy expression.

Elsa’s soft, vaguely worried expression turned to outright concern. “Is something wrong?”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“Wha– yes?” It sounded less like Elsa agreeing, and more like her just wondering if that was even an option. “I mean– Yeah, you can. Will that help?”

Anna shrugged. “I felt a chilly breeze right on my head when I laid down in my bed tonight so I’m literally fresh out of other options. And it is a little warmer in your bedroom.”

Elsa nodded, then closed her book and put it next to her glasses, before patting the unoccupied side of her giant bed. “There’s plenty of room, so you can hop– actually, you probably want to grab some of your blankets. I only have this one.”

She held up her not exactly thick cover, as if to prove that it was of no use. With a deep, world-weary sigh Anna stood up and went straight for the door.

~*~*~

Less than two minutes passed before she barged back in with all of her necessities bundled up in her arms, then promptly went around Elsa’s bed to drop the heap on ‘her’ side.

“Really?” Elsa asked in an incredulous voice while Anna watched her pick up a plush seal from the pile. “You’re twenty-six.”

“And you’re judgmental,” Anna hissed back at her, snatching the toy away to put it next to her pillow. “It’s an anxiety thing.”

“It’s alright, Anna.” Elsa smiled. “I didn’t want to offend you. I’m sorry.”

Anna just huffed–too cold and tired to even think of a response–and laid out her blankets, then promptly jumped in the bed and burrowed. She let out a low, content grumble and heard Elsa laugh softly in response.

A faint scent of cinnamon tickled her nose.

It was… surprising how open Elsa could be, sometimes. She thought back to the tickle attempt earlier–which she was too grumpy to appreciate at the moment, but could now think over with a clearer (warmer) head.

When she’d first come to the conclusion that she’d have to move in with Elsa, mostly due to financial problems tied to the world pandemic, she was mortified. The last time she’d lived with her was when they were both still in high school, and after Elsa’s graduation they didn’t exactly keep in touch all that often during college or afterwards. Honestly, moving in with her sister was almost like a random lottery roommate–completely unpredictable and potentially devastating.

But Elsa was a blessing. Even though they were forced to spend almost all their time together, it almost never felt like they were in each other’s way–and when it did, it was usually Anna’s own fault. Elsa worked quietly, cleaned up after herself, took care of bills and utilities and even cooked for both of them, none of which Anna herself was exactly known for. Perfect roommate, and it turned out it was Anna who had something to live up to.

And of course now she had to breach another layer of intimacy because of the damned cold house.

“Here, you forgot about this guy,” she heard a soft whisper right after Elsa turned off her light, and peaked out from under her cover to see Elsa holding her seal out to her. She took it slowly, and briefly wondered if Elsa thought she was a nuisance and was just very good at not showing it. “Are you a little warmer now?”

She spoke to her like to a small child, and that pretty much answered Anna’s self-conscious question.

~*~*~

The next night, she tried sleeping in her own room, too ashamed to bother Elsa again. She woke up with a dull ache in her joints and blocked sinuses, courtesy of the damn little constant breeze blowing onto her head and shoulders.

Elsa would send her worried looks the entire day, sometimes asking her if there was anything she could do for her, offering tea, painkillers and even drawing her a hot bath to ease the pain. Really, she was too good to be true sometimes, definitely not the girl who left her at their parents’ place all those years ago without much of an explanation.

She’d refuse everything–aside from the bath–of course, at times resorting to say she’s ‘an adult’ and ‘can take care of herself.’

~*~*~

She lasted a week before she just couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Ah, I was thinking about you.”

Elsa was sitting in her bed reading a book, again, but this time she seemed to be prepared for Anna–the other side of her bed was left empty, clearly meant for her to put all her stuff in.

All the better, since Anna literally came with her entire sleeping equipment in her arms.

“How’d you know?”

Elsa smiled. “The forecast said it was going to be three degrees out tonight. I figured you won’t be able to just stubborn your way through that.”

Anna gasped in mock–okay, not exactly fully mock–offence. She walked over to the empty side of the bed and dropped everything to start crafting her nest.

Elsa watched her carefully, almost to the point of discomfort on Anna’s side, but she didn’t comment anything. Again, she picked up her seal and held it while Anna tried her damnedest to straighten out her pile of blankets.

As soon as she managed that, she jumped in the bed so hard she almost knocked the book out of Elsa’s lap.

“Here.” Elsa placed the seal–Anna really should give it some name–in her arms and went back to her book.

For a moment they were silent, Elsa reading and Anna just lying there, enjoying the warmth and cursing under her breath. Somehow, one of her legs was already tangled in the sheets. Her favorite t-shirt and shorts combo wasn’t exactly the best for this kind of weather, but sleeping in sweatpants and a hoodie was a logistical nightmare to someone who moved around as much as she did.

“It’s going to be about three degrees for a few days now, and then it’s only dipping lower,” Elsa said suddenly just when Anna’s eyelids started to drop and she was slowly lulling herself to sleep. “We really need to fix the windows in your room, you can’t just walk around the entire day like a zombie,” she continued with a sigh, and Anna felt a wave of fresh embarrassment wash over her. “Say, why don’t you just keep sleeping in my room until we can get it done?”

The wave turned into a tsunami as she nodded.

~*~*~

They managed to get a hold of a repairman that had some free slots for the next month. Their neighborhood was full of very old buildings, and it really was showing by how sought out good repairmen were.

So, the next few days were a torture. Her room was sealed shut, but the entire apartment got so cold over time that even Elsa would sometimes shiver hard in the night, something that would wake Anna up with a start. Half-asleep but concerned, she’d pull the covers up to Elsa’s shoulders, only to have to wake up and repeat it after a few hours.

She was lying now next to Elsa in the dark, trying not to make too much ruckus as she tried to rub her feet together without waking her sister up.

“Anna,” her voice was muffled by her covers, but Anna could clearly hear the annoyance. Normally, Elsa would try to keep most negative emotions out of her voice when she talked to her–something she noticed she very much did not do when talking with people in her Zoom meetings–but at about 2 a.m. she apparently couldn’t fight it anymore. “What are you doing?”

She asked the question in a softer voice, but there was still no mistaking how miffed she was at being woken up.

“I’m just…” she trailed off, not even sure if Elsa actually wanted to hear an explanation or just wanted her to stop, but after just a few seconds of her hesitation Elsa hummed expectantly for her to keep going. “My feet are super cold…”

Oh, that came out as a very pathetic whine. Not part of the plan.

Elsa sighed, then shuffled–she’d been facing the door with her back towards Anna, but now she turned to lie on her back, her bare shoulder almost brushing against Anna’s nose. She smelled really nice, a very festive mixture of cinnamon–her usual shower gel–and apple–her new shampoo–that somehow already made Anna feel warmer. She kept shuffling under the covers until suddenly Anna almost jumped when she felt Elsa’s fingertips on her hand.

“Come here,” Elsa whispered, retreating her arm and patting the bed somewhere next to her. “Under my cover. I’ll keep you warm.”

In the cold night air Anna’s face felt steaming.

“A-are you sure?”

Elsa nodded and turned back around, leaving the passage for Anna to slip her legs in until her feet touched Elsa’s calves. She heard a surprised inhale, and against reason Elsa shifted closer to her.

“Why did you take off your socks?” She said it over a yawn, and Anna felt really bad for keeping her up again. “Your feet are freezing.”

“I can’t sleep in socks.”

It was enough to try and sleep in pants. With socks, she only felt like she was capturing the cold next to her feet.

Elsa chuckled, and rubbed one of her own bare feet on Anna’s.

~*~*~

“What’s this?”

Anna looked curiously at the giant box in the hall. It was delivered while Elsa was taking a shower, and Anna’s been waiting for her to finish almost buzzing in her seat with the need to know.

“Oh, I didn’t think they’d deliver it so fast.” Elsa was still drying her hair with a towel, dressed only in a thin tank top and sweats while Anna sat there in a giant plush robe wondering how in hell was her sister not just a giant cinnamon-scented icicle. “It’s a space heater.”

Anna’s eyes lit up.

“I figured you might use one in your room.”

“Oh.” That instantly dampened her enthusiasm, though. Over the past days she’d really grown accustomed to sleeping with Elsa–she was surprisingly warm once she started dozing off, and with every night Anna would snake her way a little closer. First it was just her feet leeching Elsa’s heat, then her legs, and when Elsa didn’t seem to mind she actually migrated almost entirely under her cover. Last night she was even able to finally sleep in a t-shirt and underwear, as god intended. “You want me to sleep in my room tonight?”

She didn’t actually mean to say that, especially not in this broken of a voice, but it was out before she could bite her tongue. Elsa’s eyes grew wider and Anna prepared for impact.

“Jesus, no!” Elsa looked like she’d just said the stupidest possible thing. “I meant that for sometime in the future when we fix your window. It’s minus four tonight, we might actually need to use this thing in my room first.”

Anna could only hope her face didn’t show how elated she was.

~*~*~

She came to Elsa’s room that night to find the bed set neatly–Elsa could really be a little of a pedantic freak sometimes, who the hell sets their bed every night–and Elsa standing in front of her TV, shuffling through videos on YouTube.

“Hey,” Anna said quietly, sitting down on Elsa’s side of bed with folded legs. Elsa murmured a greeting back. “What are you doing?”

The frustrated shuffling stopped for a moment. “I’m trying to find a– oh, this one looks nice! Turn off the light, please.”

Anna looked at her in confusion, but she reached over to the bedside lamp and tapped it gently. For a moment they sat in the dark as the video Elsa chose buffered, but then a warm, orange glow filled the room.

“A fireplace?”

The fire crackled happily on the screen. “Yeah, I thought it might be a nice ambience for sleeping,” Elsa chirped, which was very unlike her, while she bent down and– Anna had to turn her gaze away. Looking at her sister’s lace underwear was probably more than she could handle at the moment. “Especially combined with this.”

A soft hum followed right after and the ever-present, soft scent of cinnamon intensified–then Elsa moved out of the way and a wave of warm air hit Anna straight in the face. Elsa had to literally haul the heater into the room on her own while Anna was bathing.

“It does fit nice,” she admitted, looking into the flames and enjoying the warmth. “Almost like a real fireplace.”

Elsa climbed on the foot of the bed and crawled over to her on all fours, and suddenly there was more heat on Anna’s face and her mouth was dry. “You used to say you wanted a fireplace when we were kids,” Elsa said, shimmying on the bed until she was sitting next to her. “You had to be…five or six, and you’d keep saying you wanted to live in a cottage so that you could have a nice fire going every night and sit there with a cat in your lap, quote unquote like a witch.”

Anna laughed nervously and moved out of the way to let Elsa under her cover.

“And this is obviously nowhere near a real fireplace, but…”

She locked eyes with Elsa, and the orange glow of the TV made her irises look a fiery, sparkling purple. They were only a few inches apart, so close she could actually feel Elsa’s soft exhale blow over her own nose. Anna’s heart beat fast in her chest, fueled by some very odd and unwelcome emotions. “T-thank you,” she managed out through a clenched throat. Elsa really tried. She really, really tried, not only tonight but all the days before, pushing her own boundaries to accommodate Anna in her bed and it finally hit Anna just how much she had to love her.

And in this same, orange-glow filled, cinnamon-scented moment it also hit her how much she loved Elsa.

“Are you alright?”

Elsa’s face was concerned. Worried. Let down? Shit, she thought Anna didn’t like it.

“Y-yeah, I’m just– I’m super tired. I love this all, Elsa, thank you,” she repeated again just to make sure there was no mistaking how grateful she was for Elsa’s thoughtfulness, and something sank in her stomach at the sight of Elsa’s absolutely delighted smile. “Can we sleep?”

Elsa nodded and moved the covers away.

If not for the orange light, she would probably get worried again at Anna going absolutely white at the sight of her blankets spread nicely under Elsa’s cover.

“I figured this would be easier,” she said as she slid under and patted the space next to her. “You roll up into this tight ball every night before you fall asleep and then crawl under my cover anyway, so I figured this way you’ll be warmer.”

Anna gulped down the stone in her throat. “Y-yeah, sure.”

“We can even cuddle if you get cold. There’s supposed to be a blizzard tonight, so lots of wind.”

As if on cue a strong gust of wind rattled Elsa’s window and managed to get partially through, right onto Anna’s back. The surprised yelp and violent shiver at least let her hide how absolutely mortified she was with the idea of soft cuddles under the blankets with the fireplace glow.

Elsa pretty much pulled her under the blankets after that, and even tucked her in lovingly before lying down next to her–facing her, lord have mercy–and letting out a tired sigh.

“Goodnight,” she whispered, reaching out blindly to touch Anna’s cheek.

That one soft gesture sent a jolt down Anna’s spine. “Goodnight,” she answered, and she hoped that Elsa would pin the shaking in her voice on the cold gust of wind. Had she always felt like this? There had been a time in her life that Elsa was everything to her, but it was more like…younger sibling idolizing the older. Elsa had been her role model and her best friend, but after her high school graduation she just– Stopped. She wasn’t there anymore, busy with college, then busy with post-grad, then busy with work with no time to ever even visit. It seemed the only Anna ever heard from her was postcards and short birthday phone calls.

In that time she made herself at least pretend to resent Elsa for leaving her behind. She could never actually hate her, but the anger she felt was raw and it was at least better than grief.

But this Elsa– the Elsa that moved in with her, she was the same but she was different. The last time she actually saw her, she was a shy teenager with huge glasses and nerdy sweatshirts, always in a messy braid. When she saw the absolute glow-up Elsa went through, how beautifuller with emphasis on fuller she was, she did have to take a moment to collect herself.

Did she feel like– like this then, though? She was shocked, yes, but was she–

She looked up at Elsa’s calm, gorgeous face.

Was she–

This absolutely wonderful, sweet woman who literally had to take care of her because she was a fucking child that couldn’t even make sure to eat properly. The woman who would wake up half an hour early just to make her some chocolate chip or blueberry–or both because Anna was a mess–pancakes just because she knew it would make her happy. Who would randomly come up behind her and stroke her hair when she saw something was making her stressed, and it was the best way to calm her down.

Was she– Could she–

All of these little acts of affection that Elsa thought were innocent– that were innocent on her side and Anna has apparently been corrupting them in her depraved mind this entire time.

Was she in lo–

“Anna, what’s wrong?”

She opened her eyes to see Elsa look down at her with actual fear in her eyes and she realized she was shaking violently in her spot with no idea how much time had passed while she was spiraling. Her muscles were flexed and aching, jaw clenched so hard there was ringing in her ears. She was coiled in on herself like a tight spring.

“O–” she started, but her tongue felt like lead. “O-Olaf?”

Fear mixed with confusion. Then, suddenly, it changed to understanding. “Your seal?” Anna nodded. “It’s right here.”

She reached above Anna’s pillow and pulled Olaf out from where he was wedged, then softly placed him in Anna’s waiting hands. She immediately gripped him hard and curled up on her side, eyes tightly shut for fear of seeing her sister’s face.

“It’s okay,” Elsa’s whisper was breezing through her hair. “It’s fine, babygirl, I got you– d-do you want me to hug you?”

No, please, don’t. She nodded. I’m disgusting. Elsa enveloped her immediately, surprisingly strong as she pulled her closer to her chest. I don’t deserve to touch you. She burrowed her nose between Elsa’s breasts and inhaled.

Cinnamon.

She had no idea how long Elsa held her like this, her hand gently caressing up and down Anna’s bare arm, legs intertwined with Anna’s. She was planting soft kisses to the crown of Anna’s head. “It’s okay, baby, it’s alright,” she kept murmuring in between the kisses like a mantra, and with time it wasn’t even the words Anna was listening but just her voice, her breathing, the rhythm of her heart.

Her own was still racing when she spoke. “I’m s-s-sorry.” The words, already stuttered and slurred, came muffled out against the bare skin of Elsa’s chest.

“No, don’t be,” Elsa whispered hurriedly, not making a single move to pry her away. Even though she should. Anna should not be allowed to be anywhere near– there. “It’s my fault, sweetheart.”

What?

“I– I got overexcited and did things too fast,” she continued and if it wasn’t so hard for her to speak now, Anna would have shouted in disagreement. “I wanted to make things nice for you. I thought it would be– and then I saw how overwhelmed you were and I knew I messed up, and I– shit, I should have thought to give you Olaf earlier.”

Elsa remembered her plushie’s name.

“Do you want a tissue?” At first she didn’t understand the question, but then she realized she was crying. Heavily. Elsa’s chest was soaked.

She pulled away to try to answer–

Fuck, Elsa was gorgeous.

The glow dimmed considerably by now, but she could still make every detail of her face. Her big, round eyes. Her parted lips. The way she was looking at her with worry, but also pure adoration.

Anna wasn’t exactly thinking straight. She was very far from any remotely intelligent thought, her senses overwhelmed by cinammon. At a complete loss of the ability to speak with so many things to say.

What she couldn’t say in words in her state, she instead said with her lips on Elsa’s.

In the next second it dawned on her, and she immediately wanted to pull away and apologize, but Elsa held her in place with her hand on Anna’s stupid head.

They didn’t make out wildly like they do in the movies. It was a soft, tender and slow kiss. “It’s okay,” Elsa whispered against her lips in a few minutes. “It’s okay, baby.” She locked their lips again, a little firmer. “I understand.”

Four and a half thousand words all died on Anna’s lips, brushed off with Elsa’s tongue.

It was the explanation. It worked, for now at least, as she lay cradled in her sister’s arms, trading feathery kisses in the orange glow of their fake fireplace. In time, Elsa’s hand moved from her head to rest around her waist, keeping her warm and secure in place as she promised her we’ll talk tomorrow and it’s alright now, love.

And a tiny voice in her head, so small she could barely hear it through the shouts of self-hate, said that maybe.

That maybe it was going to be alright.

[keanuvibe]

Bodyguard (John Wick x Reader) Pt. 4

A/N: Hi! sorry im awful at uploading lol. my personal life rn is on fire and i haven’t had all the time in the world to write, but managed to pull this chapter together so :) thats coolio. 

Words: 4.7k

Warnings: swears, violence, a lil fluff

“So, tell me everything.” June smirked, leaning over the table towards you. You had managed to meet the girls on time, only a few minutes past twelve- thirty. The three of you got seated shortly after, and ordered your cocktails; beginning the rounds of catching up you had to do. The restaurant is diner themed, set in the 1950’s. One wall of the building was a bar, fit with barstools, an ice cream machine, as well as a soda machine. There was even a section where you could order homemade candy. Little booths scattered the wall across from the bar, and tables separated the two. The floor was checkered design donning many muddy footprints and the walls were covered in old-timey photos of local streets. You and the girls sat at a booth, June and Dottie sitting across from you.

“Okay, get this,” You began, leaning in towards your friends, “Santino, you know, mio cugino pazzo. He’s mad at my father and is trying to kill me for it.”  ‘[My crazy cousin.]’ You finished and took another long sip of your cocktail. June and Dottie stared with their mouths agape. You calmly set down your drink and smiled shyly, eyes bouncing between the girls. You loved your friends, honestly. The three of you have been close since you were young teens. June and Dot also had connections to the Italian mafia, their fathers having run a section of both New York and New Jersey; although they aren't as intertwined as you. June is the oldest, one year older than yourself. She’s an old soul, that you know for sure. She wears dated clothes and uses dated household items; in fact, you can't recall June ever purchasing something new from the stores you and Dot go to. Hell, even her car is a 1978 AMC Pacer. Dottie is only a few months older than you, on the other hand. She is the spitting image of a pinup girl. She wears her hair in elegant waves and has bangs, she even wears button up dresses and has big hair bows for when shes feeling fancy. You can’t recall a time when she didn’t wear red lipstick nearly everyday.

“Should you even be outside?” Dottie whispered, leaning closer to your figure. Her New York accent was a little amplified by the drinks she’s had already. You shrugged as your answer, and June scoffed. 

“You, (Y/N), are unbelievable.” The waiter to walked up to your table, halting your conversation. The three of you blinked at the other, little grins holding back giggles ready to erupt. The waiter asked for your orders, then as soon as the young man had left, you jumped right back into it. 

“You guys should see my bodyguard.” You spoke, a smirk donning your face. Your mind wondered as to what he was up to right now. Maybe he's still sitting waiting for you to exit the bathroom, or, maybe he's already begun the witch hunt. 

“Ah, yes. John? As you've mentioned. Show us! the way you've described him- He sounds gorgeous.” Dottie eagerly bounced in her seat, urging you to show them a picture. You pulled out your phone, stomach dropping at the several messages that donned the lock screen; John’s contact name on each one. Witch hunt is it. 

12:47: Very funny. Where are you? 

12:59: Where are you. 

1:13: (Y/N). This isn’t a game.

1:21: I’m coming to find you. 

At least it took him almost an hour and a half to notice. You bit your cheek, looking up at June and Dottie. The two girls were engaged in conversation, talking about something or another. You cleared the notifications and unlocked your phone, hoping to god you got to finish your lunch before John caught up. You opened the camera roll and scrolled through until you found a picture of you and the bodyguard. Somehow, you'd gotten him to agree to a photo. He was bent over so his head was level with your own. Due to the lighting, the man was squinting, however the dark gaze caused a chill to form down your back. You cleared your throat and flipped your phone around to show the girls. Dottie stopped talking and immediately looked at the screen

“Oh my god.” She murmured, sitting back and putting her hand over her chest. “He’s so handsome.” June grabbed the phone from you to get a better look. 

“You have to fuck him.” The eldest commented with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. You let out a short laugh, snatching your phone back from the girls grasp. The two girls giggled at your embarrassment, Dot even took a coy sip from her drink. 

“Was that gray in his beard? How old is he?” Dottie asked, looking you in the eye and sipping on her own cocktail. 

“Don’t laugh, okay? He’s mid fifties.” A blush crawled across your cheeks as your words escaped your lips. June and Dottie blinked a couple times before Dot finally let out a snort. 

“Going geriatric, now? hm?” June spoke, raising her brow and taking a gulp of her drink. While Dottie laughed at June’s question, you glanced over their shoulders, witnessing two burly men sit down at a table across from yours. One of them made eye contact with you, glare evident in their gaze, before looking back to their buddy. You felt your skin crawl and cleared your throat, pushing the feeling away. June’s laughter brought you back, now looking between the two girls again. 

“Well, He- He really doesn't feel old. Not when we're together.” You shrugged, playing with the condensation on your drink. 

“I mean, you’re only twenty-six,” Dot spoke, her eyes glancing between you and June. “You’re young and hot. I don't see an issue.” Your eyes shot up to meet Dottie’s. She smiled at you, her dark brown eyes warming your core. 

“Who are we to judge,” June began, a laugh escaping her throat. “I slept with that old guy, remember? He was, like, almost sixty and I was drunk as hell.” You and Dottie laughed, remembering that night. It was June’s twenty-third birthday. You three went to the club to celebrate and the eldest of your group ended up getting too wasted on absinthe. Which resulted in her sleeping with Mitch Johnson, an old friend of your fathers. Small world. 

“And you,” June pointed to Dottie, “Are a homewrecker.” 

“He never said he was married.” Dottie responded, sticking her tongue out at the woman. The three of you chuckled amongst yourselves before a silence took over. Your eyes once again scanned the room, not being able to shake the eerie feeling those two men implanted. They still sat across the diner and occasionally their eyes would make contact with your own, causing a chill to run up your spine. You quietly flipped your phone over, checking for any more messages from John. The screen remained blank, setting panic to freely course through your veins. His previous message was sent fifteen minutes ago, which meant the man was probably on his way right now. Plus, your parents didn’t live far from Coopers. 

The men both stood up now, locking eyes with you. They then looked at the other, as though confirmation was in order, before beginning to walk in the direction that you and the girls sat. Anxiety courses firmly through your veins now, and you could feel your palms gather sweat. 

“Girls,” You murmured, gathering their attention. “There are two men walking in our direction now, and I’m pretty sure they are after me.” You kept your voice low, trying to pretend as though you are oblivious. June and Dottie became physically uncomfortable, now shifting in their seats and looking over their shoulders. You felt guilt cross your person, now realizing how serious the situation is. You put your two best friends in harm's way. I mean, It’s not like they’re completely useless; they have parents in the Mafia, they’re trained in combat and weaponry. However, the guilt still bothered you that it was your fault.

“How do we go about this?” Dot asked, reaching for her purse. Your eyes watched as the woman dug into her bag. The pop of a gun chamber sounded as she began to fill it with bullets. June tied her hair back and began to stretch her arms. You sometimes forget that June is trained extensively in Jiu Jitsu. You also looked back to the men who were still making their way to you, passing through the crowded dining room floor. 

“Should we leave the public space?” You murmured, “I don’t want civilian casualties.” 

“Yes.” June agreed, standing up. “Gather your things, quickly.” She added. The oldest tossed a fifty dollar bill onto the table to pay for the drinks and the food you didn’t get to eat. You led the way, pushing through the crowded dining room to the exit. You glanced back, seeing the men become more frustrated. You are aware of the other, knowing what little cat and mouse game was occurring. 

Your palms shoved the door open, the three of you stumbling over onto the sidewalk. You looked both ways before leading right. You didn’t know what to do, whether you should try to outrun them, or stick up and fight. Maybe if you kill them it’ll send a message to Santino. Though, he may not even care. As he’s got twenty more men to fill the space those two would leave. You made sure June and Dottie still followed, checking over your shoulder occasionally. The three of you pushed through the crowds of New York, your main destination being Dottie’s vehicle. Your eyes also kept a lookout for John. He probably tracked your phone, you knew he had the ability anyways. You’re just glad the little ploy worked for as long as it did. You turned right down an alleyway, taking a shortcut towards the parking garage that Dot’s car was in. June looked over her shoulder, alarm blaring through her veins as she spotted the men. 

“They’re still behind us.” She spoke, looking between you and Dottie. You took a deep breath, placing your hands on your hips. 

“Va al diavolo!” ‘[Go to hell!]’ You cursed, throwing your hands up. Dot quickly grabbed you by the arm, pulling you as she began to run to the end. June grunted as the three of you approached a dead end, meeting a chain link fence.

“Fanculo. Okay, you two climb over.” ‘[Fuck.]’ You spoke, gesturing to the fence that stood in front of you. Your eyes met those of your friends, all breathing heavily from the sprint. Echoed footsteps could be heard at the entrance of the alley. You glanced over your shoulder, seeing the silhouettes of the men headed in your direction.

“Go!” You spoke with a harshness towards your friends.

“Not without you!” Dottie raised her tone, hands on hips. You turned your head again, seeing them get closer.

“Dot, just go!” You finally yelled. The girls hesitated, however respected your wishes and quickly climbed the fence, hopping to the other side. They stood now, staring as the men approached, getting ready to jump back over if need be.

“Santino it ha Inviato?” ‘[Did Santino send you?]’ You asked the men, slowly walking towards them.

“Si.” ‘[Yes.]’ One responded, their faces finally becoming clear from the backlight. You looked at them, noting how they both looked like average Italian men. Dark hair, olive eyes, and warm skin. Their faces were covered in a few scars, and you noted how they both wore suits with visible holsters resting on their hips

“It ha mandato per uccidermi?” ‘[Did he send you to kill me?]’ You asked, the men now only ten feet away from you. The darkness of the alley sent a chill down your spine, and you glanced back at the girls to make sure they were alright. Dot had her hand in her purse, most likely gearing up for when shit turned sideways. June held a stoic look, almost a resting bitch face, staring down the two men. 

“Si.” The same one answered again. They now stood only five feet away, stopping in front of you. You felt the sweat drip down your forehead, the buggy summer heat beginning to take claim of your body. You took a deep breath, wondering where John was, and how now would be a good time for him to suddenly appear. The men cracked their knuckles, rolling their shoulders and looking at you with sinister smiles. 

“Di ‘a Santino: E un peccato che sia troppo codardo per uccidermi.” ‘[Tell Santino: It’s a shame he’s too much of a coward to kill me himself.]’ You spoke, remembering the moves that your bodyguard had taught you. You leapt forward, first knocking one of the men down by pushing in his kneecaps. You took the moment to quickly hit the next guy, however, he blocked your blow, sending you back a few feet. The second man took advantage of your hesitation and grabbed you, throwing you into one of the walls. You let out a yelp, feeling the brick scrape bare skin harshly. The first guy stood up, and threw a fist at you, however, you quickly dodged and used his own momentum to toss his body into the wall. 

You felt as the second lackey quickly punched your gut, causing you to double over in pain. June and Dottie stood yelling which you could hear through ringing ears. You recovered quickly, countering the second man with a swift kick to his shin. He groaned, but recovered and swung a fist at you. You managed to dodge the blow and delivered a hearty boot to his groin. He quickly dropped to the ground in pain and you grabbed the pistol from his holster, pulling the trigger and placing one bullet into his skull. The second man used this moment to grab your loose shirt, and throw you into the brick, scraping your skin once again. He lifted his foot and conveyed a kick to your gut, sending you to double over. He used his fist to hit the sides of your face, throwing your head back and forth. You could feel blood begin to drip down your face, the pain that each snap of your neck caused, you could hear June and Dot yelling but it was faint. Time felt slowed, your heartbeat was like a drum in your ear. Then, a gunshot. 

All movements stopped, followed by the thud of a body hitting the ground near your own. You slowly slid down, ignoring the burning chafe the brick left. Hot tears stung your eyes as you covered them with your hands, a harsh sob leaving your throat. Your body ached, your face burned, and blood was the only taste that donned your mouth. You heard the chain link rattle as somebody climbed over it, as well as a huff when they landed. A gentle hand placed itself on your shoulder, and you saw as they knelt down, due to the shadow.

“(Y/N).” John. A hoarse cry escaped your throat upon hearing your bodyguards gentle voice. He wasn’t angry, like you expected. Instead, his tone seemed more worried than anything. You managed to look up at the man from your hands, your eyes greeting the sight of his own.

“Oh my god, (Y/N)!” You heard Dottie yell as she approached your side. The two girls quickly examined your body, nearly shoving John out of the way. 

“I fucked up.” You didn’t even recognize your voice as you spoke— your throat burned. June dotted your bloody forehead with a napkin from Dot’s purse.

“We should get her back home.” Dottie murmured, looking up at John. The dark haired man nodded, agreeing with the woman. June moved out of the way so he could scoop you into his arms. You lay your head onto his chest, faintly hearing the sound of his heartbeat and breathing. The man carried you out of the alley with June and Dottie close behind. You felt the summer sun warm your face as you exited the cool shade of the alleyway. The fresh breeze brought your attention to the cuts on your face, feeling the coolness from the semi-dried blood. Dottie opened the vehicles door and John placed you in the passenger seat, buckling your body firmly in. The two girls hopped into the back, John promising they’d be returned to their car later this evening. You heard the rumble of the engine, and closed your eyes, feeling tiredness numb the pain that ravaged your figure.

——————

“How long have you been employed by the (Y/L/N)’s?” Dottie’s gentle voice quietly echoed throughout your bedroom. Mellow sun rays shone in through the window, casting a warm haze throughout the space. After the incident in the alleyway, John brought you, Dottie, and June back to your parents estate. However, after you all got back, John discovered they'd left on business to Rome for a few days. He carried your figure all the way from the car to your bed, carefully depositing you. Dot and June then got to work, bandaging your wounds, though after you seemed stable and well asleep, they backed off and let you get some rest. Now, John watched as Dottie cared for your sleeping figure. His heart couldn’t help but ache to see you so helpless laying there. Your face had been drained of some of its color, leaving it more pale and sickly. Your hair stuck to your skin, and a thin layer of sweat covered your body. Your bodyguard wanted so badly to climb into the bed with you, stroke your hair from your face, tend to your bandages, hold you, kiss you. 

“Month and a half.” John answered, looking over to the woman. She nodded at his answer, dotting your forehead with a wet washcloth. The woman sat next to your bed with a rag in hand, occasionally cleaning your skin of sweat and dried blood specs. June was asleep on the small couch you had in your bedroom next to one of the windows. John stood on the opposite side of the bed from Dottie, watching her every movement when it came to caring for you. Occasionally your body would stir, but you still hadn’t woken up since the car— four hours ago. 

“Are you liking it?” The vintage dressed woman asked, a smirk crossing her red lips. She cast her eyes between John and your sleeping figure, hinting as to what she was meaning. 

“I am.” He responded. Dottie noticed his softened gaze when he looked towards you. She glanced back down at your face, wiping your skin with the washcloth gently. Your brow bone contained a nasty laceration and your cheekbone held a nice bruise with a cut as well. There was also a gash on your bottom lip, and your left eye held a hefty black bruise. That man really got ahold of you. 

“They're a good family. I know Francesco means well,” Dot murmured, “Speaking of, have you let them know?” John watched as the woman stood up and walked to the bathroom retrieving a fresh bowl of water for your face. 

“I called Francesco shortly after we arrived here.” The dark haired man spoke. He sat on the edge of the bed, leaning towards your figure. He brushed away a few strands of hair that had fallen in your face. His thumb caressed your cheek afterwords, carefully avoiding the wounds that donned your skin. He felt your body stir, and a quiet groan escape your lips as you started to wake up. Dot walked back into the room, noting Johns figure looming over your own. A little smirk crossed her lips as she set the bowl down on the nightstand. You peeked your eyes open for a second, wincing at the brightness of the room. 

“Good afternoon, sleepy.” Dottie smiled, sitting beside your figure again. “Careful.” She murmured, watching as you shifted to sit up a little better. You knew Dottie was next to you, but could feel the weight of somebody on your other side. A large hand quietly placed itself on the side of your arm and you looked to see who it belonged to.

“How do you feel?” John’s words were gently spoken. His fingers squeezed your arm slightly before he released. 

“M-my throat hurts.” Your voice came out scratchy and withered sounding. Dottie quickly placed a cool glass of water into your palms, hers then wrapping around yours before releasing entirely. You gave her the best smile you could manage, due to your cuts, before sipping the drink. John stood up from the bed and made a comment about going to grab pain medicine before he exited your bedroom. 

“I'm going to wake up June.” Dottie spoke, walking over to her sleeping position by the window. You blinked your eyes, feeling the pain from the cuts, and groaned silently. It was stupid of you to think you could take on both of them. Your training with John was going fine, you figured if you at least got one down… No matter, at least you were still alive. The footsteps of your two friends caught your attention as the girls returned to your side. June immediately began to gush over how happy she was you were awake and okay, hugging you tightly. 

“We thought you were a goner.” The girl whispered, worry still evident in her tone. You raised your brows but winced as the sting from the cut became overwhelming. 

“I'm glad John showed up when he did. Like a superhero. He stood there with his gun and you should've seen the animalistic look in his eye.” Dottie sighed dreamily, “You are one lucky girl.” 

“I know about your ‘no dating’ rule, however, I don't think you should let this one get away.” June commented quietly, brushing some hair from your face. Dot agreed, shaking her head vigorously. The three of you cut the conversation short as John's footsteps echoed closer. He entered the room quietly and padded over to the bed, handing you a bottle of painkillers. Your fingers brushed as the container was passed and you felt a longing for the touch to remain; however just as the warmth arrived, it left. 

——————

June and Dottie stayed over for another hour before leaving. They helped you change your clothes and settle in for the night before they left you in the capable hands of John. The two of you remained in your bedroom the rest of the evening. You went in and out of sleep a few times. One time, you woke to the man humming quietly while sitting in bed next to your figure. Another, he was checking your bandages and cleaning the sheen of sweat from your skin. Maybe what June said is right, you can’t let John get away. Nobody has cared for you like he has. But that begged the question, would he even want to be with you? You’re half his age and apart of a mafia family. Plus, you still don't know much about him; his past, his home life, etc. He is a mysterious being, quiet too. It only made you want to know more.

“John?” You murmured, gathering the strength to sit up. It was late evening now, just past eight. The summer sun had just set, leaving a gray tone to cover the space. 

“Yes?” He answered, turning to face you. He had been sitting at your desk, cleaning his gun. 

“Parlami di te.” ‘[Tell me about yourself.]’ The man responded to your request by putting down the parts in his hand. He then quietly cleaned his fingers of grime before standing up and padding over to you, but not sitting. 

“What would you like to know?” He murmured. You studied his face for a moment, taking in the features he donned. His normally combed hair was disheveled now and he had bags under his eyes. He wore a suit and shoes too, obviously still dressed for work. 

“Everything.” You replied, ignoring the throb of pain that coursed through your body. John nodded, then loosened the tie from his around neck. He shed off his suit jacket next, leaving him in a black button up and vest on top. You admired his figure in the darkening room. He stood tall, confident, maybe a little tired, but didn't let it show much. The man settled on the edge of your bed, by your feet. The room remained silent for a few moments; you not daring to speak, and John taking the time to gather his thoughts. 

“I was married.” John’s voice was so soft, you had to lean towards him to hear better. The man kept his gaze towards his hands, fidgeting with his fingers. 

“Was?” You asked, pushing aside the slight feeling of jealousy that rose. 

“She- she passed due to an illness years back.” The bodyguard paused.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.” You let out quietly, as to not bother John’s story process. 

“I was retired and wanted to live my days as a widower, however I was dragged back into the business by an old friends’ idiot son.” The man sighed, pushing some fallen hair behind his ear. You caught a glimpse at how sad he appeared, and felt an urge to comfort him. Pain shot through your body as you scooted down the bed until you were close enough to John. You grabbed his hand and his fingers instinctively intertwined with your own, making you realize just how large his palms actually were. It felt right, his hand being wrapped with your own. 

“Ever since then, I haven't left the business again. I see no point. I can't seem to leave anyways, I keep getting dragged back in.” He sighed heavily and you began to rub your thumb along his hand, as your way of comforting him. He fell silent, but you didn't push anymore questions just yet. He was being open and raw, which was probably difficult for the man to do. If he wanted to tell his story, he would. You wanted to know more, obviously, about the kind of work he's done; his jobs, the people he’s met, and if he knew anyone in your family. You wanted to know why the man was so troubled, and why it seemed everybody is against him. 

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Your voice escaped softly, barely above a whisper. John's hand squeezed your own, before he finally made eye contact with you. His dark gaze caused a chill to slither down your spine.

“Yes.” He spoke softly, “I need to go change.” He gave your hand one last squeeze before removing it and standing up. You watched as his figure walked across your room and disappeared behind the door. It only took him about five minutes before he returned, ready for bed. Sure, it was barely nine, but you figured you could put on a movie. You drank in the sight of him, admiring his pajamas. Blue with plaid stripes, and a plain white t-shirt. You’ve never seen him in anything but a suit, nevermind the sweatsuit outfit from when you train. This is different than that, this is a side of John that doesn't say ‘Hey, i'm a killer!’ This side is domestic; make you coffee and toast in the morning domestic. 

“Would you like to watch a movie?” You then asked, watching him tidy up his mess from cleaning his gun, which he didn't finish. 

“Sure.” He responded, walking over and climbing onto the bed next to your figure. You turned on your TV, and picked a movie from a streaming service, before fully settling in. You scoot your body close enough to John’s that you were able to lay your head on his chest. The man wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you even closer, but gently as to not cause you more pain. You listened to his heartbeat as it slowed to a resting rhythm, and then closed your eyes letting sleep overcome your senses.

--

Masterlist

[stormyreadingsxx]

Tarot Suits

As an infophile (at least how my astrology chart describes me), I've found that I love sharing, consolidating, and using the information I've amassed in a strange life. Heavy on the Virgo and Gemini placements, it seems I've gathered a LOT of knowledge along the way (although how useful it is remains to be seen). It was a book that explained in depth to me what all the planets in our charts mean, their positions amongst each other, and how one Gemini sun Libra moon could completely differ from another with different house placements. The way Co--Star throws it all in our faces, sometimes too much data is overwhelming and does the opposite of informing any of us.

Sometimes, corroborating information is exactly what I need. Just like there are four elements that govern every astrological sign of the Zodiac (water, fire, earth, and air), there are four suits to be found in our Tarot decks. Wands, Cups, Pentacles, and Swords. Each one relates to a certain aspect in everyone's lives, bodies, spirits, and emotions. Like I am bound to my earthy, grounded, and stable nature, what the cards mean starts with their suit and number.

Each card number and court member have their own general themes and meanings. This is expanded on by whatever **suit **they fall in. People have a tendency to hope for the profound guidance of the Major Arcana cards when they get readings (like Death, The Sun, Judgement, etc...) to give them a sign and explain their next steps. But, given all the information that can be found in our Minor cards, they can turn out to be an astute and enlightening reading just the same.

Wands

"Wands describe your spirit, motion, and action. When this suit comes up, it's time to do something!"

Think of the fire signs you know (if you know any). I'm a firm believer in needing all the pieces of our cosmic puzzle for it to start holding water, but in personal experience they are are exactly how one would think. Live-wires. Sometimes impulsive, maybe loud. Passionate. Never a dull moment, usually a fun time (people crave this energy or to let loose with them often). Usually saying exactly what was meant.

If you let a fire dominant person handle your deck before a reading, don't be too surprised if some Wands fall out (Pentacles and Swords drop for me constantly as a Virgo sun, moon, AND Gemini rising). Aries, Leos, Sagittarius all come to my mind in movement. They've made the decision, maybe the deliberation wasn't long outside of the moment. But they are always in action, and as someone who lacks this fiery initiative in my own makeup, I kind of love it (in an anxiety-inducing way).

Their energy and ways are often primal. It may not be so easy for you to express yourself at times, but for most of this suit it can be guaranteed. The suit of Wands is about inspiration, passion, strength, and determination. What drives you? What are you willing to do to go get it? These cards are all about what make you tick, but they can also point out the presence of illusions, tricks, and maybe self-deception. As can be expected, both sides of the spectrum lay waiting there.

This element is masculine, powerful, and in line with fiery Mars energy. Fire is hot, wild, unpredictable, and energetic. It can be creative in helping us to cook food or build tools, or it can be destructive, like a devastating bush fire or house fire.

“Should a Tarot reading be predominantly Wands cards, you can be sure that you are seeking solutions to issues that are based mainly in the realm of thought, or that are in the first stages of development.”

These cards are not limited only to people with flaming zodiac signs in the charts, rather they take a look at what motivates and energizes one’s soul.

Cups

“Cups describe your emotions and relationships. When this suit comes up it’s time to listen to your intuition!”

If Wands were flames, then Cups are their equal and opposite reaction: water. Fire yields transformation, and water sure can too. But the feisty element was about action. Water-holding Cups are all about how we feel on the inside. How we process these emotions and go throughout our every day lives. Wands hold a distinctly masculine energy, but our friend water here brings a feminine power into play. Stable. Cleansing. Purifying.

Our emotional consciousness is very important, especially when it comes to relationships, feelings, and our connection to this world and everything at work. In movement and in flow, water is still something that creates power in a different way. A person in control and in the knowledge of their own feelings holds a quiet power, one that is often appreciated.

“Cups Tarot cards indicate that you are thinking with your heart rather than your head, and thus reflect your spontaneous responses and your habitual reactions to situations. Cups are also linked to creativity, romanticism, fantasy and imagination.“

If the deck is speaking to you in Cups cards, maybe you are seeking relief or resolution to interpersonal troubles. Perhaps expressing yourself or how you feel, or maybe a more love related matter. It is always important to pay attention to your deck’s tone for the day and what they have to say. Often times, cards may not sync up with your current situation but a situation a few weeks/months in the future.

Pentacles

“Pentacles describes your material world, body, and finances. When this suit comes up, listen to your common sense!” 

Ah, ruling a large part of my personal domain, earth signs (and maybe Virgos in particular) can have a bit of a ‘loss’ mindset. ‘What do I need?’ ‘What can I do?’ My VIrgo is most often in the fourth house (of homes and family ties). I like to nest, hoard things that I or someone else may need in the future, and focus on having what I need. The Pentacles encompasses the tangible things in life. You don’t have to be materialistic to realize things, to a certain extent, matter.

Pentacles, like Cups, is a divinely feminine and responsible element. Are you prepared perfectly the night before a trip or do you wing it? Make plans out of the blue or prefer to hyper schedule instead? I can speak for my virginal sign when I say I am at my best and happiest when prepared and helping someone else be prepared. The Suit of Pentacles Tarot cards deal with the physical or external level of consciousness and thus mirror the outer situations of your  health, finances, work, and creativity. They have to do with what we make of our outer surroundings – how we create it, shape it, transform  it and grow it. On a more esoteric level, Pentacles are associated with  the ego, self-esteem and self-image.

To have a lot of these earth messages come to you, it means you’re grappling with extremely real obstacles and things in your way. Have confidence you can overcome them!

Swords

“Describe your thoughts and state of mind. When this suit comes up, it’s time to make a plan and let go of worry!”

Swords I probably pull more than Pentacles for myself (which is interesting since as a Gemini rising I apparently present as an air sign, first not the neurotic earth sign I truly am). Who are we without our beliefs? For the death penalty? Against it? Abortion? Space travel? Our lives shape what we believe in and our stances for or against things. What we think and where we draw the line differentiates ourselves from another. Swords are all about the fine line between good, bad, and our own inner dialogues.

“Swords are often double-edged and in this way the Suit of Swords  symbolizes the fine balance between intellect and power and how these  two elements can be used for good or evil. As such, the Swords must be  balanced by spirit (Wands) and feeling (Cups) to have the most positive effect.“

If you find a deck speaking to you constantly in Swords, you may be fighting a mental battle (guilty LMFAO). Struggling with decisions you can’t bear to make or maybe arguing against your own nature, Swords may ask you to wrangle the ego inside of yourself to BE your best self. Taking action is important and necessary, but remember that each action has a consequence. Likely good and bad ones.

When I get Swords, I try to stop and think what they could be about.

[danganronpedits-archived]

same anon from before, tumblr ate my ask im so sorry!! i would like a kin match up please, im an INFP and my friends tell me im a pushover and too nice to people who dont deserve it/too trusting,, i usually never open up to people and i use humor to cope,,, i like being alone and i rly prefer animals over people. im told to stop apologizing a lot, ee here are some sources!!:mysticmessenger,danganronpa, camp camp,n anything else i luv a lot of sources!!

don’t feel too bad, anon!!! i totally get it, tumblr’s got weird restrictions on asks,,,, another anon i did a matchup for had the same problem! it’s not your fault at all!!! um, but i can definitely get the matchup done for you! i am kind of uncomfortable with camp camp as a source, so the major matchups will be based around mysmes and danganronpa!! i’m sorry!!! your matchup is under the cut, since i realise these kinds of posts can get pretty long ,,,!

-mod tsu (placeholder mikan shift icons!! i’m working on better ones!!!)

first off, from mystic messenger, i match you with...

yoosung kim!

this section will contain spoilers for yoosung’s route, and mystic mesenger as a whole! please proceed with caution! i think that yoosung, at times, can be a pushover or too trusting- a strong example that comes to my mind is when seven tells him that... well, that you can die from drinking chocolate milk. as in, that yoosung has a disease  yoosung completely believes it, and believes that he has accidentally poisoned himself, only to be taken off guard whenever the truth is revealed. i don’t mean to assume you’re gullible or anything!!! but i think that you could also relate to the embarrassment/shame that comes with being duped like this. um,, and i also don’t want to call you insecure,, but i think that something that comes with being anxious like how you seem is... like, blaming yourself for your mistakes !! i totally get that, but,, sometimes it’s not your fault, you know ?,,, um, but whenever yoosung finds out that seven was just joking around, while he is angry with the latter, he seems more disappointed in himself that he didn’t catch on. plus, the others do tease him a bit- that probably didn’t help. i could see the both of you not wanting to go on the defensive, and just more... crying. i would say that he is a bit less of a ‘real puppy', as the RFA members describe him, around V. however, i think that the two of you definitely have your limits with your kindness- rika was a person who was very important to yoosung, and V, to his knowledge, is someone who didn’t take her ‘death’ seriously. i think that if someone really hurt you personally, then you would maybe be less forgiving or kind towards them... but that’s just my own guessing!! i don’t want to be presumptuous!! um, i do think that of your mbti type, yoosung is at the very least an introvert. i think that someone more extroverted would find comfort in other people,,, while yoosung finds comfort in video games. um, this also ties into him not really opening up a lot of the time...

while yoosung does admit personal facts about himself ingame(such as him not having a girlfriend, or his distrust of V) i’d still argue that he doesn’t open up much, at least not at first. this is a strong part of yoosung that i think you can relate to- for both of you, the people you associate with have a general gist of what you’re like, but they may not be able to fully get into your mind and work out the reasoning behind your thought process. that’s not their fault or anything,,! it’s just that... i think it’s hard to know how to. but the point is, yoosung is severely depressed after rika’s death, and while it’s implied, we don’t properly learn that he copes with it through video games(and also loses his motivation to perform well in school, even though he knows it’s disappointing his parents) until later on in the story. i think that you may be able to relate to this, being aware of your responsibilities, but not being able to handle them for one reason or another. ah, but that’s just a shot in the dark!! i’m sorry if that’s completely wrong,, um, but yoosung is kind of comic relief for the first part of the game. while he may not mean for this to be intentional, i just... seeing that ketchup smiley face on the omelette... it’s the funniest picture on earth. i wish i was in the meeting where cheritz decided to make that a thing, and saw the art process... sorry that’s off topic!! he does like to be alone, though, i think!! that’s to an extent of course,, but two of his biggest hobbies are video games and cooking- both of which can be done with others, but are typically things done in solace. even volunteering, another one of his hobbies, doesn’t inherently mean working with other people... at least, not all the time. lastly, while i do think he’s fine with people, he may be able to find more comfort in animals. an example of this is how he dotes on rika’s dog, versus how he kind of struggles to get along with people like jumin and jaehee.

second off, from danganronpa, i match you with...

chihiro fujisaki!

i’ll be using she/her for chihiro on this post!! to start, for your MBTI type, chihiro is absolutely an introvert. her career is in programming, and considering that she tends to not work on a team for this, i’d say that programming is one of the most do-it-yourself activites out there. to quote the description of infp’s,,, “While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine.” this is just... a short, but encompassing description of chihiro. for starters, chihiro is definitely someone who i’d describe as a bit of a pushover,, while she is working on getting stronger and bettering herself(see the “flame and passion” in the INFP description), she is also kind to a remarkable, ‘pushover’-ish extent. even towards people like byakuya and hifumi(who isn’t inherently a bad person, but many are made... uncomfortable by his presence), chihiro tends to back off or take blame instead of fighting back against their... iffy remarks. with hifumi specifically, there are times when he’ll rave about his fanfiction career, and chihiro will respond with trying to make him happy, taking it in stride. i think that other people may find his demeanor as a reason to be uncomfortable by him- but she doesn’t see him in that way. she even tries to help him grow closer to the media he loves, saying “ I'm going to work hard to create something that can make people happy... And when I do complete it, I want you to try talking to it.” to him. chihiro also tends to not fully open up to people- like yoosung, you can get a general grip on her personality. however, with her gender-related issues, she only opens up to mondo whenever her identity will be revealed regardless, and that’s after at least ten years of keeping it all to herself. maybe you’re not that reserved, but it’s not something that most people would pick up on at first !! maybe you have tendencies that are in that similar “most people don’t really notice them” way at first,,!!

next up, while chihiro tends to take things from others rather seriously, she can be a little joking at times! particularly as someone’s straight man, chihiro tends to be good at deciphering gundham’s statements (Gundham: “Offerings such as birds grilled in hellfire and ensorcelled confections. [...] Go and eat.” Chihiro: “So you want to share the food and cake from the party with me?”), which aren’t exactly things to laugh openly at, but i smiled at it. she does seem to like to be alone- like yoosung, i don’t think she dislikes people per say, but a lot of others can make her feel standoffish or out of place ingame. i think you can relate to that, feeling like you don’t exactly belong when talking to others... so you just don’t because it’s draining, having all that nervousness. also, she’s said ingame that she really likes rabbits and hamsters, and that she’d like to have one as a pet. she’s not told to stop apologising too much, though her habit of saying sorry is pointed out several times ingame. plus, characters like kaede and makoto are quick to say that she doesn’t need to or that things are okay, so... maybe you can also understand that side of it! i’m realising that i didn’t expand on chihiro’s niceness enough,, i may not need to, but chihiro is described as “one of the kindest and softest characters in Danganronpa”. she literally wouldn’t hurt a fly(or, mosquito) because it might have a family, and if you give her something she strongly dislikes in free time, she’ll say “Um...well... I'm sure someone else will appreciate having that more than me. Maybe you should find someone to give it to who can make better use of it...”. she’s very gentle with the feelings of... well, everyone and everything around her, and i think that you could maybe feel that way too!! i definitely get being hesitant when talking with other people, and not wanting to hurt them,, i hope that you’ll be able to grow more confident, anon!!

and lastly, from danganronpa, i match you with...

mikan tsumiki!

maybe you saw this coming ;!! i think that mikan can definitely be described as a pushover, she’s been severely bullied her whole life and her default state is freaking out. in terms of INFP, i think that while she wants people to like her(and is borderline attention-seeking), she is an introvert to an extent. like with chihiro, the anxiety that comes with talking to others can be exhausting- her ‘energy’ around others is more fueled by that adrenaline. however, i’m sure that she regenerates by being alone, even if it gives her paranoia. maybe you relate to that, but not on such a high scale- like, you could be by yourself for a while, and that could make you worried that you’ve been away from other people for too long. with the F part of INFP(feeling), i think that this is a key part of mikan’s personality, actually. while some may see her reliance on medical knowledge as her leaning towards T(thinking), i think that for most of the problems in her life, she just goes with her gut. a lot of her reactions to other people are based on her own emotions, and i’d say that you can relate to that too. i get being a more emotional than logical thinker, anon, so don’t feel stupid or bad about it, haha... i wouldn’t be surprised if you’re easily made nervous just in general, and if part of you apologising is because... you feel like you messed up in a conversation, or that you might have upset someone. i’m sure that you’re not as bad as you may think you are, anon ,,, um, i think that mikan can definitely be too trusting/nice towards people that don’t deserve it. she’s very kind to hiyoko despite the dancer’s mistreatment of her(despite having an underlying resentment towards her), and even in the face of people like junko and kokichi, she doesn’t take their misleading tactics as... lies or manipulation, despite it being a little obvious, instead trusting that they have good intentions. even in kokichi’s case, when he admits that he was faking sick, she apologises for figuring out his lie. even if he is taking it easy on her, i think both you and her are good at finding out reasons that... well, you’ve done something wrong.

like chihiro, while i think many can get a general grip on mikan’s personality, neither of you really open up and let people get into the... like, inner workings of your head. for example, mikan does hold anger towards her ab-sers, deep, deep down, of course. i’m sure that she’d never admit it, and feels borderline ashamed of these feelings. in fact, she only admits it whenever she’s... literally inflicted with a disorder meant to cause her despair/unhappiness. i don’t know you personally, or anything, but i wouldn’t be surprised if there are people you hold resentment for. i also think that maybe with your timidity and apology streak, you would never voice this anger out loud. um, i don’t want to assume though!!! so if that’s wrong,, disregard it,, i don’t want you to have a worse perception of yourself ,,, um, i don’t think she exactly uses humor to cope? but a lot of her... um, offerings as apologies, can be seen as humorous. if your sense of humour is... strange. and i think that she can also enjoy being alone, even if she does like attention- whenever the spotlight is on her i think she wouldn’t know what to do, and she’s probably more comfortable whenever there aren’t expectations being placed on her. i think that she can prefer animals over people... to an extent. plenty of them would remind her of the bullying she faced, yes. but i think that there’s a lot of comfort in just... something small being there by your side. dogs have been described as a very forgiving animal(though they don’t exactly have the emotional capabilities to forgive in the way we define forgiving... still.), and i think that she’d like that. she also might be good at taking care of animals, as part of her nursing knowledge. plus, it’s a small detail, but in the anime she references jurrasic park in response to nekomaru’s enormous shouting. lastly, mikan is noted to apologise very excessively. while she’s not exactly told to stop apologising, she can be a little exasperating to even her more polite/patient classmates, like mahiru and hajime.

-

minor matchups time! from danganronpa, you also remind me strongly of makoto naegi, monomi/usami, and seiko kimura, as well as somewhat of tsumugi shirogane, chiaki nanami, and gonta gokuhara! from mystic messenger, you also remind me somewhat of jaehee kang. from other sources, you remind me strongly of fluttershy from my little pony, as well as strongly of macarona from the grey garden, and dolphi from watgbs! from 1bitheart, you also remind me strongly of rocca rion and haruya nasuki, and somewhat of kotora yatano. from bang dream, you also remind me of shirokane rinko. from alice mare, you remind me of chelsy and allen. lastly, from pokemon reborn, you also remind me strongly of shelly citra!

hope this was helpful anon!! i didn’t really get to finish yoosung’s route,, so my description of yoosung is based off of a transcript and the wiki, mostly ;; it may not be too accurate, so please remember that you know best!!! thank you very much for requesting!!

[shesgayfor]

Mouthguard

Summary: Bucky is having jaw issues and needs a mouth guard to sleep with but he’s afraid it’ll trigger him. Reader (she) and Bruce Banner help him out with his issue.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Reader (She), Bruce Banner, Mentions of Tony Stark

TW: Dentist, Dental fear, Anxiety, PTSD

“Ah, what the hell.” Bucky wakes up, rubbing his lower jaw trying to release pain that is happening.

“What is it?” She asks from the bathroom.

“My jaw. It’s so sore.” She peaks her head out from the bathroom to look at Bucky.

“I mean are you surprised?” She questioned.

“What? Surprised about what?”

“Wait Buck you aren’t aware?”

His eyebrows perked up. “Aren’t aware of what?” His voice exuded confusion.

“That you grind your teeth in your sleep. Badly.” She softly replied, walking closer to him.

“I what? Since when?” His voice went up an octave.

“Uh, since we’ve been together. So about 5 months. Wait you really didn’t know?” She ran her hand through her long, thick, brown hair. He shook his head no at her question. She sat herself on the bed, directly next to Bucky’s long figure laying in the bed.

“Do you want me to speak to Tony and Bruce? They can help.” She asked quietly and softly.

“No no, please Y/N just, no.” He grew upset at her words.

“Why not Buck,” she placed a hand on his metal one. “I don’t want to see you chip a tooth or wreck your teeth completely in your sleep. Just let them have a look, I’m sure they can help you.” She continued to offer. He let out a deep sigh, as his face fell to one of defeat.

“Fine. But you’re coming with.”

She smiled widely at him. “Of course my love.” She grabbed his face and pressed their lips together. She pulled away as she continued to get ready for the day.

Bucky was just getting out of the shower when he heard Y/N on the phone with someone. He opened the bathroom door to see her chatting away.

“Yeah yeah, no just a look. He’s grinding his teeth like bad in his sleep. Can you fit a night guard or something?” She stopped talking when she heard the door open, to reveal a half naked Bucky. The towel around his waist was just below his V line. His long hair was tied up in a bun, she was distracted by him. “Tony can we come in later for a check up? I don’t know an hour. Okay. Yeah yeah. Okay I gotta go. Yup. Thanks Tony, see you later. Uh huh bye.” She ended the call and turned to Bucky.

“That Tony?” Bucky asked, worry filling his voice.

“Yeah, he and Bruce can see us in an hour if that’s okay?” She walked towards him, placing her hands in his.

“It’s fine yeah.” His face looked worried.

“He’s not going to hurt you, love. I promise. I won’t let him. He said he can get you a mouthguard for when you sleep. He’s not going to do anything else.”

“Okay, yeah. Mouthguard. That’s not triggering at all.”

“Oh Buck shit, I’m so sorry I forgot about that.” She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him for a tight hug. “I’m so sorry. Maybe there’s another way.” She whispered into his ear.

“I just don’t know if I can handle wearing a mouthguard, when HYDRA used to use one on me to torture me. I’m afraid I’ll be triggered every single night.” Tears filled Bucky’s eyes as he talked. She pulled him even closer.

“I know I know. It’s going to be okay, though. You are safe. No one wants to hurt you. It’s just a device used to help you not wreck your teeth. But like I said, maybe there’s something else they can do.” She continued quietly speaking to him. He nodded at her response.

The two of them headed to see Tony and Bruce, who could help with this situation.

“Bucky! Y/N! How are you guys?” Bruce greeted the two of them. Tony was nowhere to be seen.

“Hi Bruce,” Y/N walked to Bruce as the two of them hugged. She smiled at Bruce, before looking back at Bucky.

“Bucky, hey.” Bruce sounded sympathetic and sweet.

“Hi,” he shyly smiled, reaching to shake Bruce’s hand. He didn’t know Bruce all that well, but Y/N did.

“So what’s the issue going on? I didn’t have time to speak to Tony, he just said you guys were coming in.” Bruce asked.

“Oh right. Well, Buck woke up in the morning with pain in his lower jaw. I hear him in his sleep grind his teeth, like,” Y/N did a visual example of how Bucky grinds his teeth in his sleep. “I think it’s hurting him more than he realizes and I’m really worried.” She told Bruce. Bucky’s face fell to one of upset and embarrassment.

“Awe, I’m sorry to hear that Bucky. Would you be alright if I have a look at your teeth? Just to make sure everything’s okay?” Bruce was a gentle, calm presence. Besides his alter hulk ego, he was very caring and gentle, and it translated very well in his professional life.

“Uh, sure.” Bucky looked very nervous. Y/N grabbed his hands to calm him. The 3 of them walked into Bruce’s med bay, and had Bucky sit down in a reclined chair in the middle of the room. It didn’t really look like a dental chair, more like a fancy reclining chair. Y/N took a seat directly next to Bucky, holding his hand.

“I’m just going to have a look, okay Buck? I’m not poking or anything. I’m not going to hurt you, but if you’re uncomfortable or anything please tell Y/N or myself so we can make you more comfortable.” Bruce explained to Bucky.

“Thank you Bruce.” Bucky rested his head on the back of the chair. Bruce slipped on a pair of gloves and grabbed a small mirror from a drawer.

“Overhead light, yes or no?” He asked Bucky.

“Please no.” His response was immediate.

“Not a problem.” Bruce reached behind him to grab a penlight, and handed it to Y/N. “Y/N can you just shine this in his mouth, while I have a look?”

“Of course.” She smiled at him.

“Alright Buck, I’m just gonna have a quick look.” Bruce motioned towards Bucky’s mouth with the mirror. Bucky hesitantly opened his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut out of fear. Bruce carefully looked in Bucky’s mouth, using his fingers to move his lips down or up. Y/N watched as the small mirror made its way all the way around Bucky’s mouth. He actually had really nice teeth for a hundred year old.

“Go ahead and close Buck, you’re all good.” Bruce finished and said.

“So?” Y/N asked.

“His teeth are fine. But the back molars look like they’ve been grinded on. They aren’t chipped or cracked or anything, but if you wait any longer, they might be.”

“Meaning?” Bucky asked nervously.

“Meaning you need to wear a mouthguard to bed. I’m sorry, I know that’s not ideal but it’s the only thing that’s going to help you.”

Y/N looked over to Bucky, who looked like he was going to throw up.

“HYDRA used a mouthguard on him when they tortured him, is there anything else you can offer?” Y/N asked.

“I’m sorry I wish there was. If it helps, it’s just a plastic piece that molds into your teeth, making it personalized.” Bruce offered.

Bucky’s breathing became trembled, as Y/N tried her best to calm him. “Breathe babe, breathe.” Her voice was soothing to Bucky’s ears. She rested a hand on his shoulder, trying to bring him down.

“Okay okay, fine. Let’s get it over with.” Bucky gave in.

“Of course, let me just go get the materials.” Bruce hurried out of the room to get what he needed.

“Buck?” Bucky averted his gaze to Y/N.

“I don’t want my teeth falling out. I’m pretty sure HYDRA fucked with my teeth, so I’m done with that. I’ll suck it up, I’ll wear it at night. And like Bruce said, it’ll be my own, HYDRA never gave me a personalized mouthguard. I’ll push through, but I’ll need your help okay Y/N?” Bucky was panting.

“Of course Buck oh my god, whatever you need.” She smiled up at him. He let up a smile, he just loved her so much.

Bruce came running back in the room with some tools, as he carefully set up what he needed. Y/N and Bucky watched as he melted down a piece of plastic into a tray. He turned back around to Bucky, with the plastic in his hand.

“Okay, so what I am going to do is let this rest on your upper teeth for 2 minutes, okay? It needs to form your teeth perfectly, and it’ll harden and then it’ll be good to go and a mouthguard tailored to you.” Bruce stated.

“Okay.” Bucky replied.

“Alright, open please!” Bucky did as he was told, as Bruce carefully positioned the piece on Bucky’s entire top teeth. Bruce used his fingers to lift up Bucky’s lips to place above the mouthguard piece. “2 minutes, okay? Are you doing alright?” It was 30 seconds in at this point. Bucky nodded yes, while Y/N slowly ran her hand through Bucky’s hair. Bruce kept looking at his watch, updating Bucky on how much longer.

“30 seconds left, you’re doing so good Bucky.” Bucky’s eyes were closed, he was on the brink of tears. He hated every second of this, but didn’t want to lose all his teeth so he’s sacrificing.

“Time!” Bruce said as he reached back into Bucky’s mouth, carefully removing the new formed mouthguard. “Okay look, it’s all done.” Bruce picked the mouthguard off the plastic tray it was stuck to. It revealed a clear tray that had teeth impressions in it. He placed it in his hand, bringing it to Bucky. “It’s yours now. All you have to do is just put it in every night before bed. It will stop you from grinding your teeth together.”

Bucky looked at Bruce then at the tray, before picking it up from his gloved hand.

“Go ahead, try it on.” Bruce said. Bucky nodded then placed the tray back in his mouth, of his own will. He played around with it in his mouth, trying to get it to be comfortable. He bared his teeth at Y/N, showing her what it looked like. All that you could see was his teeth, along with a clear tray placed in between them.

“Looks good babe. How’s it feel?” Y/N asked.

“Good.” He tried to muster out, but it caused a major lisp as he spoke. This made Y/N laugh a little, but made Bucky embarrassed.

“Oh no love I’m sorry, it’s okay.” She gently stroked his cheek.

“Anything else I can help with?” Bruce asked them both.

“No Bruce, thank you so much.” Y/N hugged Bruce again.

“It’s no problem, I’m glad I can help. If there’s any issues feel free to call me.” Bruce offered. He walked by the side of the room to pick up something, handing it to Bucky. “It’s a case for it. Clean it often, warm water and what not.”

Bucky tipped the case to Bruce. “Thank you. So much. This means a lot.” Bucky smiled at him.

“Anytime man.” He reached to shake his hand, Bucky shaking back.

“Let’s go love.” Y/N took Bucky’s hand, leading them out of the room.

“Thanks again Bruce, see you later!” Y/N called out, as the two of them were out the door.

Later that night, Bucky and Y/N were getting ready for bed. They laid together in bed, him spooning her. He was running his metal arm through her hair, while she rubbed her hands on his leg.

“Doing okay, love?” She asked him. He’d been silent the past hour.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” His tone was unconvincing. She turned over to face him, his eyes cold and sad. “Buck? What’s going on love.” She placed a hand on his warm cheek.

“Sorry. I just hate that I have to wear the mouth guard.” He quietly replied.

“I know. It’s for the best, right?” She tried.

“Yeah.” His tone was flat.

“How about this. Instead of going to sleep with it in for the first few times, I put in it for you after you fall asleep. That way you wake up to it only, and you can get used to it slowly?” She offered. His face went to one of thinking, before replying, “Would you mind?”

“Not at all. If you bite me or punch me in your sleep I’ll be upset though.” She joked. He laughed at this. “I’ll try not to.” They both laughed even more. He sprung a kiss on her, kissing her passionately and tenderly.

“Oh. Thank you for that.” She appreciated this romantic gesture.

“No, thank you for you. For everything. You are the love of my life.” His eyes were hardcore locked on hers. Her hands made their way back to his long hair, playing with it gently.

“I love you.” She whispered.

He smiled widely at her. “ I love you.”

[stedes-black-bonnet]

My Baby Does Me: Chapter 12

POV: John Deacon x reader

Notes: ongoing fic. Let me know if you want on that tag list.

Warnings: anxiety?

Abstract: You contemplate your worth; John Deacon contemplates you; a date is made; Roger and Lydia discover what’s missing.

You felt yourself swinging in and out of joyous dozing. You had never been good at, or indeed capable of sleeping when another person was in your bed. When someone else was your guest in your bed, you’d pretend to have had a pleasant night’s sleep. When, in fact, you had had anything but a decent night’s rest. You’d toss and turn, or, even worse, be too afraid to move for fear of waking the other person up. You’d lay in a prison of your mind all night. Wishing you were somewhere else or someone else. Someone who enjoyed the act of sleeping with other people. Someone who enjoyed sleep, might be more to the point, you thought. You liked the idea of that kind of vulnerability, but you had never been able to achieve it. Did that mean you had never really found someone you felt capable of relaxing with, you wondered? Was it some fatal flaw, some great deficiency that you felt entirely uncomfortable sleeping next to someone? Maybe you weren’t too damaged to love, but too damaged to sleep next to. Maybe it meant the same thing. You weren’t sure. Thousands of people slept next to someone every night and didn’t bat an eye, literally. Yet, here you were, laying on a rock-star, and for the first time in your life you were slowly drifting into a state of sleep while having another person in bed with you.

John Deacon felt your breathing slow with the sway that comes from absolute comfort and long-term intimacy. He was astounded at the connection you had made in just one night, in a handful of hours. There was a closeness here it took years to lay the foundations for, a sense of great ease only friends could share. He hoped it was real, actualized, and not merely a fantasy he had concocted to feel less lonely. Had he fabricated a closeness to you to feel alive? He had met a lot of people, attempted to make connections to a fair few of them, and had frequently come up with nothing. He felt, perhaps, he wasn’t easily loved, simple to understand, worth of a life-changing connection with someone. Yet it was just that connection with someone that he longed for so deeply he was too afraid to speak it out loud for some childish fear it would be outright rejected as something he would never get.

You were dozing in top of him, a detail he noticed by the small, endearing snores coming from you. He wrapped his arms around you, worried what would happen when the night ended. Would he ever see you again? Would you let him? You had done something especially intimate here tonight, forward, even, and maybe you’d second guess what you had done? Maybe you’d gotten what you wanted, were satiated, and required him no more? He increased his holding pressure on you as his fear rose.

You woke up, feeling confused as to where you were. Then you felt Deacy breathing beneath you, and remembered: ah, the bed, the touching, the game. It had been entirely fantastic to be that close with someone without having to explicitly explain what you wanted or needed. The line was very thin, you thought, between what one wanted and what one needed. You were becoming more and more unsure of where that line was regarding Deacy. How ridiculous, you thought; it’s only been one night. There was something here, though, wasn’t there? Something real? You’d hate to think this was all he wanted, or, in your mind, even worse, all that you had wanted. Closeness didn’t come easily to you. People had desired you, sure, but actually letting them in? You weren’t even sure you knew how to do that, let alone recognize it when it was happening or had already happened. Had he merely said all those wonderful things about his intentions with you to get you into bed? You hadn’t thought so then, but now, now that foggy monster in the back of your mind was doing its best to remind you that you weren’t special, that you weren’t worth sticking around for, that you weren’t anything.

You breathed him in, his sweat reminded you of the something briny, the sea, maybe, mixed with cedarwood. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.” You said, still resting on him, “I’ve never done that before.”

“What? Fallen asleep?” He was teasing, now, his voice back to its usual luster.

“No. I mean--yes.” You admitted, “I’ve never been able to sleep while being held by someone else. Or really if anyone else was around.”

Deacy thought in silence, interrupted only by the sounds of your joint breathing. He enjoyed the luxury of sleeping next to someone. Traveling and being on tour, constantly away from home and loved ones, didn’t exactly make for a not lonely life. It wasn’t impossible to stomach, was most certainly worth it for the ability to create music, and play it for his fans, but it wasn’t a loquacious life, a life steered by a great romantic partnership he so craved. It was a life of hotel rooms and foreign languages, and strange lands. A life of fame is a life solitary life, he contemplated. To be so desired and yet so alone seemed entirely unfair to him.

“Did you like it--the sleep?” He asked quietly, drawing shapes on your back as you talked.

“I don’t think I’ve ever slept so well in my entire life.” You said, curious how long you’d been dead to the world.

“Well, I’d ardently take up the post of your pillow any day of the week.”

“Don’t offer something like that if you can’t follow through on it.” It wasn’t harsh, exactly, but it was certainly honest; it escaped your mouth before you could stop yourself.

A silence again. Breathing again.

“I am not in the habit of say things, of making commitments, I do not, or cannot keep.” Deacy said exceptionally seriously, and as slowly as dripping wax. “We’ve just returned from a tour, and won’t be leaving again for at least a year; we’re beginning work on this...album.” His voice trailed off, and you had the distinct impression he did not want to talk much about it.

“I didn’t mean to imply you’d be running off,” you said softly. “Only that, well,” it was now or never, you figured, “I didn’t want to assume that you’d want anything further to do with me after tonight. I know you said as much to the contrary earlier, but that was before we had whatever that was and maybe this was all you needed and--!”

Before you could say anything else, Deacy chose that moment to remind of you of his unyielding determination to have you in his life. He lifted you, scooting you up his body, to make kissing you possible and easy. It was a tender embrace, layered with everything he wished he was capable of saying to make you believe him. The issue, he figured, wasn’t with is words, but with something or someone in your past that had made you feel unworthy of meaning beyond what you had to offer with your body. Words wouldn’t work, he thought. He could reassure you until he was blue in the face and there would be the lingering chance you might not believe him. Actions would have to be his proof.

“Would you be interested” Deacy asked slowly,  “in accompanying me to a business dinner Monday night? I know it wouldn’t be a typical first date, but it would be an excuse to see each other before I call you tomorrow asking you on a legitimate first date later in the week.”

He could feel your heart racing, and he couldn’t tell if it was a good beat or a bad beat. “Y/N, you going to need to tell me if you are nervous or excited; I can’t tell the difference between heartbeats.”  

“With as many love songs as you’ve written, you should be a pro at identifying the difference.” You said as lightheartedly as you could manage.

Deacy tried to laugh your comment off; he could tell from the tone in your voice you had returned from whatever dark hole you had dragged yourself into, or been dragged into. His own anxiety, however, had only increased since asking you on a date, without receiving an answer.

You had been foolish, you thought. Of course he had meant what he had said. This man was genuine. A cipher, sure, but he didn’t strike you as a liar.

“Deacy,” you pulled up from him, sitting up on the bed. “I’d love to go to a work function with you.” You heard him breathe deeply, still laying on the bed. It was a sigh of relief, and the smile on his face was quite satisfied. “Did you honestly think even for a second I’d say no?” You asked, curious if he had secret worries of his own.

“Stranger things have happened; shocking, I know, that I’d get turned down for dates all the time.”

You weren’t sure if he was joking or not. You pulled your dress up your shoulders and began tying the knot into place.

“Here,” he said, sitting up suddenly, “Let me.” He had a strong connection to clothes; they were, if he was perfectly honest, a strong turn-on for him; the act of dressing and undressing could be just as pleasing as an alluring touch or a passionate kiss.

You stopped tying your dress into place. His hands touched yours as he took the rope from you. The spark in his touch was just as powerful as when he had first taken your hand to examine it earlier in the night. He had been attempting to prove that he knew you without ever really talking to you. You had been taken aback by his accuracy. He adequately tied the knot, gazing at your face the entire time. There was something far away in your eyes; he raised an eyebrow at you, as if to ask where you had gone.

“I was thinking about when you took my hand tonight. Back at the bar,” You explained.

“That’s right,” he said, remembering the moment now for himself. “You’re a musician, too? If I’m recalling correctly? You never really answered.” “I was too distracted by you.” You admitted.

“Well?” He questioned excitedly, “Are you?”

“I am, yes. I play the piano. Well, I play a couple other instruments too, but that’s my main.”

“The piano!” Deacy smiled, completely engrossed in everything, anything you had to say. “Why the piano?”

You could get used to that kind of attention, you thought. “You know how when you hear a song, or read a book and something in it speaks directly to you? Like maybe it had even been written for you, it felt so personal and knowable? That’s how I feel when I play; like the world is a little bit smaller, that people are relatable, that I’m having tea with a friend I’ve known all my life. It’s the one relationship I know will always be there for me, no matter what. All I have to do is sit and play, and I’m in that moment of wholeness every time.”

Deacy couldn’t get enough of you. Speaking about the piano made you shine, just like you did the first time he saw you across a crowded room. Passion was painted on your every word, commitment and connection crafted every syllable. You could make a deaf person hear, he thought.

“Does that sound crazy?” You asked.

“No.” Deacy said certainly. “I know precisely what you mean.”

“Do you feel that when you play?”

“I do; when I compose,” He took your hand in his, “I feel exactly that. That maybe each line is a connection I’m making to someone else, someone I may never know, may never meet. But it could mean everything to them. It does to me. Something in me becomes ultimately knowable through them, or something. There’s nothing else I would rather be doing…” His words drifted off to a meek, if not embarrassed silence. He wasn’t so sure anymore. He was sure about the music and the act of creating it, but he was less certain if it was all he’d rather be doing; tonight, being here, being home, and meeting you had changed something profoundly for him, something he was still working towards putting a name to, something he was still trying to suss out. Maybe you were a new priority? He hoped you’d give him the time to figure it out.

“What do you mean you can’t find them?” Lydia asked, slightly annoyed, somewhat amused. Lydia was wearing Roger’s rainbow sequin blazer. It was buttoned all the way up; she had tied the top part of her dress around her waist like a belt. She managed, somehow, against all odds, to still look extraordinary put together and fashionable.

“I mean one of my lousy friends stole them,” Roger said exasperatedly rubbing an angry hand through is too blond hair. He shivered in the night wind, now only wearing a white T-shirt that showed off his arms. His black tuxedo pants looked bizarrely out of place without the flashy blazer.

“You love them, Rog.” Lydia simpered. “You can’t fool me.”

“I’m well aware of both facts, thank you very much, love.” He said sarcastically. The smile on his, however, was quite sincere; she had hit the nail on the head, because despite the teasing, despite the pranks, he loved them unconditionally; Queen was his family.

“You wanna complain about them, because somehow in your twisted, ego-driven head it makes it easier for you love them.”

Roger flicked his blue eyes onto Lydia; the same steely look took hold of them that had possessed him in his Alfa Romeo earlier when she had been on top of him, when they had been holding each other’s hair, daring each other to act, “‘twisted’ and ‘ego-driven’ you say?” His eyebrows, above his glasses, danced mischievously in the moonlight.

Lydia sighed, “I mean them in the best way possible.”

“Pot, kettle.” He had his arms folded across his chest. Quite as determined to win as ever.

“Alright, alright,” Lydia was laughing; he was petulant and stubbornly sexy all at once; which, theoretically, shouldn’t be possible. Yet here she was, and here he was: The great Roger Taylor, a debtor to a fault. Lucky he’s so intriguingly beautiful, she thought.

“We need to go back in and find them.” He held a hand out to her, flashing his smile at her.

“I’m ready for round two whenever you are, Rog.”

“I’m always ready, Lydia; you’ll learn.”

“As if you could teach me anything.”

“I’ll take that bet,” He was grinning as if he knew a secret she didn’t. She took his hand, sure he knew every secret everyone ever had, and they made their way back to Garden Lodge.

“Who do you think has them?” She asked as they passed through Jim’s spectacular garden once more.

“Deacy,” he said venomously. “Ever since ‘I’m in Love with My Car’ its been his favorite prank.”

Lydia did the math in her head, “Wait,” she said, “Deacy has been playing this particular prank on you for six years?”

“Yes,”

“And you’re still falling for it?”

Roger stopped and looked at her, his expression irritated and sullen.

“Oh, please! I can tell you’re faking it.”

Roger started laughing, unable to keep himself from holding it in any longer. Lydia giggled with him, surprised how someone so cunning could also be so trusting and compassionate towards his friends.

“Let’s keep it up, love.” He said smirking at her, as they continued their way through the large home. Most of the guests had vanished into bedrooms, fallen asleep on random sofas--if they were lucky, or gone home for the night.

They stopped outside Freddie and Jim’s bedroom, determined to go all the way if necessary.

“Knock first,” Lydia suggested. She had a hunch whoever was still in there might like the warning.

Rolling his eyes, Roger Taylor knocked on the door.

Lydia recognized it as the drum line of “Get Down Make Love.” Uncanny, she thought, that mind of his.

Tag List: @phantom-fangirl-stuff @triggeredpossum @obsessedwithrogertaylor @groupiie-love @richiethotzierz @partydulce @sophierobisonartfoundationblr @psychostarkid @teathymewithben @smittyjaws @just-ladyme @botinstqueen @mydogisthebest @little-welsh-wonder @maxjesty

[what-even-is-thiss]

Fic, Heightened

Winged Anxiety seems to be popular right now. I like writing things about winged people. My fic I wanted to write about an au where all the sides are people with wings didn’t quite work out but I still like writing about people with wings so why not jump on this sudden fascination with wings?

@randomslasher your drawing of winged Anxiety inspired me to write this. It’s not like your drawing but that drawing did motivate me to write this.

Tip Jar

Warnings: Heights, anxiety. 1,818 words.

Abstract: An average problem. An average day. Verge with wings.

 He hated flying. It’s too dangerous. There’s too many things that can go wrong. Never mind they say it’s safer than driving. If a plane crashes there’s very little chance you’ll survive. He didn’t care what Logan said. Flying is terrifying, which is what made his appearance all the more confusing.

Heightened Anxiety. Real funny, Morality thought the first time he’d made that joke. Now it had become a common term. Heightened Anxiety. It wasn’t even a joke anymore. He was tall and had, well…

Virgil’s wings were sticking behind him as he sat on the arm of the sofa in his room. His hoodie was tied around his waist. He mindlessly adjusted the strap on the back of his shirt with one hand as he clicked the down arrow on the laptop.

A quiet hum seemed to be in the air today. It made Virgil suspicious. Thomas was obviously forgetting something. He let them keep scrolling through the article though. Just keep it in the back of your mind.

He adjusted the strap again. It kept scraping against the top of the joint where his wings began. If he moved it too high the bottom seam would scrape against the underside. Most of the time he had his hoodie on and the pressure it used to keep them contained distracted from the itchiness. But he couldn’t keep the hoodie on all the time. He became cramped. They started hurting.

He couldn’t stop working. He slammed the laptop shut. Thomas had to be forgetting something. He pulled the hoodie off his waist and fitted his wings into it snugly, then immediately lost his balance because he had gotten used to walking with his wings sticking out in the past few hours.

He picked himself up and sighed as he walked to the staircase.

When he appeared invisibly on the stairs he saw Thomas sitting on the arm of the sofa exactly where he himself had been sitting in his room. Except real people don’t have wings of course.

“What are you forgetting?”

“Oh, hey Verge.” The inner monologue said in a trying not to be annoyed tone. “What is it this time?”

“You’re ignoring me. You’re forgetting something.” Virgil insisted.

No answer from anybody. No voice ringing through the mind.

“You’re forgetting something.” Virgil repeated in a more sinister tone.

He could feel Thomas’ throat closing slightly. The chest pains. The physical symptoms of fear that were becoming harder to ignore. Yet it kept going. Ignoring him.

Virgil felt his hoodie begin to feel tight. He slipped it off and his wings made him look bigger than he was. The conscious mind didn’t see him, but his presence was felt even more.

“What are you forgetting?” Anxiety asked forcefully.

The lights in all three of the others’ rooms seemed to dim slightly. Roman looked up from the computer screen. Logan did too. Patton didn’t want to think about it, but it was becoming clear they would have to.

Thomas leaned his head back as he slid onto the couch and sat on it properly. He closed his laptop and rubbed his face, trying to remember whatever Virgil insisted he was forgetting.

Logic appeared. He eyed the situation. Anxiety put his hoodie back on.

“What is the issue, Virgil?"

"Something's off. He's forgetting something."

Logic took a breath, his invisible not quite there form becoming a little more clear than Virgil's.

“Thomas is forgetting nothing at this time.” Logan insisted.

Virgil’s shape became less defined. Darker. He seemed to melt into his midnight black wings. They weren’t listening. He hated flying. They were forgetting something. He could stop but he didn’t. His edges became blurred until he almost looked like black smoke in the form of a winged demon.

“Think of something else!”

Virgil fell over, his power drained. He looked up groggily. It was like he had just been knocked out for a second. He had been knocked out for a second.

Roman had come along and started a daydream. Basically Thomas was distracting himself with shiny things. Breathing slowed down to a more normal pace.

Virgil knew he had been saying something. What had he been saying? Something. There was something to be worried about.

Embarrassed, he picked up his hoodie and sunk down. Whatever he had been worried about, he’d taken it too far again. Thomas had almost needed that breathing exercise

He was still there. He always was. Sitting on the stairs. The hoodie didn’t press now though. He was relaxed. He hated flying. The wings made him look intimidating though.

“I have been meaning to ask you...”

Anxiety looked up and lifted one side of his headphones.

“What are you doing in here, Princey?”

“I have been curious...”

“Stop eyeing my posters.”

“Oh, very well. That is not why I came to this place anyways.”

Virgil sighed, holding back a wounding remark. “What now?”

“Well, I have questions. Two of them. The first being, do you have wings all of the time?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Virgil replaced his headphones and leaned back on the stairs, closing his eyes. The headphones were ripped off his head.

“What the...” was all he got out before

“Did you harm yourself on accident back there?”

“I don’t know! Maybe. Get out of here, you’re getting frantic.”

“Allow me to asses the situation!”

“No!”

“Virgil, let me...”

Virgil hated flying, but he hated physical fighting almost just as much.

Anxiety held a branch to steady himself. He looked out over the mist he had brought into being. Somewhere below was his room, now lacking a roof. As usual, despite his fear of the situation, he showed no outward sign of distress.

Roman was much less composed. Virgil found this out as the princely idiot screamed, completely panicked, and barreled into him.

Roman doubled over and clung to Virgil’s waist, breathing far too fast.

“That. is. harder. than... oh!” He cried out between breaths.

“Roman are those...”

“Did this tree you conjured have to be so high?”

“Roman...”

“I mean, if you do not understand the concept of listening then...”

“ROMAN!”

“AAAAAH!”

Verge caught the prince as he almost fell out of the tree and helped him stand upright.

“Hey. Lord up-in-my-business. What are those?”

Virgil gestured to  Roman’s back. The prince was wearing the tanktop he normally wore under his princely attire. There were two white wings a bit smaller than Virgil’s. As he pointed to them, however, they blew away like dust and Creativity was back to normal.

Roman looked down.

“Get me out of here.” He said, not having any other words left.

Anxiety held on to the tree branch with one hand and Roman with the other. The tree fell in on itself, moving backwards through time, growing smaller and eventually became small enough that the two sides could jump down.

Roman woke up on his own couch. Virgil was playing Spiro on his TV.

“We’re forgetting something. Do you think it’s a friend’s birthday?” Virgil said.

“You’re wearing that hoodie again.”

“Yeah. Ah, man. Hey, we probably forgot to lock the car. Or take meds. Thomas is gonna die.”

“Alright, sunshine. Get out of my room. You think of far too many troubling scenarios when you are in here.”

Virgil stood up from where he was sitting on the carpet and gave a dangerous look worthy of a Disney villain.

“Not until you spill the beans, swan prince.”

Roman sighed, royally annoyed. “Oh, very well. I was asking you because I only gain them on rare occasions. Like when you get out of control. I can hide them well enough but they itch like no one’s business.”

Virgil let out a slow humorless horrifying laugh that made Roman’s skin crawl. Virgil  always became strangely dangerous in here. Fear with confidence was a very unsettling thing.

“So prince charming is the little guardian angel. How cute.”

The last word dripped with poison as thick as honey and sweet as acid. How cute.

Roman’s face grew hard. A death glare normally reserved for monsters to be defeated or challenges to be conquered. A monster clawed at the inside of his chest threatening to break through. Anxiety’s return gaze was stone cold.

Princey forced himself to take a breath. Don’t think about yourself so much. That’s what the other sides always told him.

“Do you remember... before the last video? Before the public was aware if your name?”

Anxiety blinked, dropping his villainous mask for a microsecond. “Um, yeah?”

“So many of them believed you would be named Angel. Does that not speak for what you do?”

Virgil stuck his hands in his pockets. If it wasn’t for the disturbingly correct posture Princey could have sworn he was back to normal.

“Just get me out of here. I’ve been trying to leave for at least ten minutes.”

Roman took Verge by the hand and they sank out into the main mind palace together. Creativity sat on the arm of the couch in an unproper way.

“He is viewing a cartoon. Star. Do you wish to tune in?”

Virgil showed no sign for a minute but then went to the couch and sat on top of the back rest. As sometimes happened, Morality found his way in and sat down on the couch next to Virgil’s legs.

Thomas stayed anxious. He still didn’t know what he was forgetting. His sides were acutely aware of this, but none of them acknowledged it. Verge was just there right now, his normally moderately sized wings growing big enough that his hoodie became uncomfortable.

As Roman lip-synced to the theme song of Star vs the forces of evil for the third time that night Logan came in to cut them off. As soon as the television clicked off Anxiety’s presence became more noticeable. They all felt it.

Virgil looked at Logan. “What are we forgetting?”

“Again Anxiety, Thomas has forgotten nothing.”

Virgil slid down so he was sitting next to Patton on the edge of the seat. A awn traveled through the mind and a quick check of the phone said it was well past midnight.

Random thoughts before bed. Coming from all sides. Verge decided Roman’s smaller wings reminded him of inaccurate portrayals of Cupid. No, they weren’t that small, but comparing Roman to tiny baby angels seemed funny.

Roman forced the wing back into place.

“Yikes! Watch it!” Anxiety exclaimed.

“I cannot believe you were flying with a bent wing. What were you thinking?”

“Isn’t it my job to scold and get into your business?”

A small chuckle. “I suppose. I won today though.”

A returning smirk. “You sure about that?”

Prince helped Anxiety back into his hoodie. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Let us sleep!” Came a voice from the hallway.

Verge looked back at Roman and they shared a glance and a small mischievous smile. The annoyed teacher voice. Perfectly good reason to not let him sleep.

[nipnapples]

Moonstone (A Taehyung One Shot)

 I received a request for a Tae one-shot, a college AU that I really loved the idea of.  This is the product of that.  Thanks to everyone for sending in requests, I loved hearing your ideas and inspirations.  xoxo 

Genre: Fluffity fluff fluff 

Rating: E For Everyone! (but with some light swearing thrown in) 

When I was little, I would count windows as we drove through my town.  I knew how many windows were on the market store front.  I knew how many were on the antique shop, Mr. Miles’s house, and the elementary school.  I would count them out loud, one two three four, until it drove my parents crazy.  “Stop counting.  It’s weird.” my other snapped on the way to fourth grade.  Heaven forbid I was weird.  I was a chubby nine-almost-ten-year-old who wore a thick pair of glasses and still carried around a stuffed rabbit named Babbit.  Heaven forbid if I was weird.  

I didn’t have many friends.  It was hard for me.  I preferred to sit on the swingset and read a book, mouthing out the big words I didn’t know, and count the windows on the school (32 on the first floor facing the playground, 41 on the second floor with the library).  Kids thought I was weird.  They generally steered clear of me, never really paying any attention to me, I wasn’t interesting enough.  I wasn’t bullied, thank goodness for that.  My mother would never let me live that down.  But I was isolated, and sometimes I didn’t want to feel lonely anymore.

Three days before the school year was over, fourth grade reaching up into the summer before fifth, a new kid showed up.  It was strange, a new kid three days before school ended.  But the teacher said he was Korean, and barely spoke any English and his parents wanted him to interact with other kids his age as soon as possible.  I thought this was an incredibly silly idea.  His name was Taehyung, or Tae as it was easier for us American kids to pronounce with clumsy tongues, and he was shy like me.  The other kids were fascinated by him for about an hour, and then got bored.  But I studied him.  He had ashy brown hair, tan skin the color of brown sugar, and large dark eyes that avoided everyone.  He never looked up from the ground, afraid to meet anyone’s eyes.  He didn’t speak and sat at the back of the class, scribbling in a beaten up pokemon binder.

 Someone else would have thought him strange and off-putting, but all I could think was how uncomfortable it must be to be in a classroom full of people speaking words that you couldn’t understand.  Heck, I was uncomfortable in this classroom and I spoke English.  So during silent reading, I used the time to slip up to the library to find a book about Korea and one about how to speak Korean.  The librarian helped me find a few, and let me check them out for the rest of the summer with a wink.  At recess, Tae stayed inside, sitting at his table scribbling in his book, English mixed with other strange marking that I later learned were Korean.  I slipped into the chair beside him, and dropped my books on the table, there were about four of them.  The top was the Korean to English dictionary I had found, and I had marked all of the pages about introductions.  Showed Tae the beaten up blue cover, pointed at it and then me and then him.  He looked confused, but intrigued, and I took that as a signal to keep going.  The teacher glanced up briefly from her work at her desk, smiled lightly, and then continued. 

I flipped open to the first page titled “So You’re Making New Friends?!” and looked at the first word.  It was long and felt jumbled up in my brain, but if Taehyung was going to try to learn English, I could try to learn Korean for him.

So I took a deep breath.  Tae’s face hadn’t changed.  I was suddenly sweating, heat prickling at my hairline.  I knew my face was bright red, but I powered through.  I mouthed the word a few times, feeling it out on my tongue.  And then I jumped.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” I muttered, glancing at the boy in front of me.  He blinked a few times, and I wasn’t sure he had heard me correctly or if I’d said it right.  “Uhm, ah-an-annyeonghaseyo,” I repeated, blushing furiously feeling more and more embarrassed.

And then, quite suddenly, Tae’s face nearly split in two with a smile.  “Hello,” He said slowly, dipping his head.  “I am Taehyung.”  His English was broken, heavily accented, and much too proper, but I knew how difficult it had to have been to remember those words.  I smiled and held out my hand to shake.  Tae took it nervously as I said “I’m Y/N.  Let’s be friends.”  

Taehyung and I were inseparable after that.  

Flash forward many years, the summer before our senior year of college.  We were sitting on my porch swing, nine at night, quizzing each other in both Korean and English as the sun was slowly sinking over the mountains.  We were both nearly fluent in each, but it was still fun to see if we could stump the other.  It was good we’d learned another language when our brains were still soft like playdough, as it allowed for the knowledge to stick.  I was wrapped up in my college sweatshirt, a size or two too large.  I hadn’t changed much from the chubby fourth grader, my hips were just wider and curvier, my glasses thinner.  My hair was tied neatly in a bun on the back of my head, held in place by some Hello Kitty chopsticks I’d found in my kitchen drawer.  Tae had his long, skinny legs thrown over my lap, his hands behind his head, and I was pushing the swing slowly with the toe of my sneaker.  

Often, I found myself thinking about how Tae had grown into one of the most beautiful creatures that I had ever seen.  Wide eyes, long fingers, thick hair that he was constantly changing the color of (It was silvery grey at the moment, much like the moon hung in the sky), and a jawline that I often wanted to brush my fingers over.  But it was Taehyung, and I couldn’t do that.  Being in love with Tae was strictly off limits, and something that I never allowed myself to even consider.  It had crossed my mind, at parties when we would dance closer than normal.  On nights when we’d just crash at one of our houses and he’d fall into a soft snuffling sleep.  When we’d be watching TV and his knee would press against mine, in a completely platonic way.  Yes, it made my heart speed up and made my body react in ways that it rarely reacted at all, but it was TaeTae.  We’d never amount to anything more than friends, and I’d forever be that weird, clingy girl in his mind.  

Just now, Tae had thrown his head back laughing hard and long at some joke I had made, something dumb.  And I found myself thinking those off limits thoughts.  I was suddenly feeling much too warm and much to close to Tae.  I shoved his legs off of me and reached for my hard cider, taking a large swig, praying that Tae couldn’t see my blush in the dusky light.

“So,” I began, keeping my eyes off of Tae and staring into the mid-distance.  “Senior year...”  I trailed off, thinking about my car packed up with my bags to begin my last year as an RA in the morning.  

“Senior year, and then freedom.”  Tae nodded in agreement.  His plan was to travel, to start in Korea, see his grandmother again and then see the world.  It had been his plan since he moved here, that as soon as he was done doing what his dad wanted, to go to school and get his degree in business, he was gonna fly away from this and me and everything that held him down here.  

There was a pang in my chest at the thought of him leaving me, probably for good.  But it was months away and it would do no good to worry about it now.  

“Where are you going first again?”  Tae had told me one thousand and one times his plan, but I still liked listening to it.  Hearing the excitement in his voice as he spoke, his voice getting deeper as opposed to higher.  

“Seoul, and then Dageu.  I’m gonna stay there for a while, I’m not sure how long, and then hit Japan, China, and probably India.”  He smiled, his eyes glowing with the idea of continent hopping, exploring each place learning more and more, capturing it all on his camera and endless capsules of film.  

“Have you decided about Europe yet?” I asked, thinking about Tae exploring the Louvre and holding up the leaning tower of Pisa.

He shook his head, running his hand through his hair.  “Not sure yet.  If I’ve got the money, yeah, probably.  If not, I’ll just head back to Korea, see if I can get a flat in Seoul.”  He shrugged and I envied him.  

I was a control freak.  I still counted windows and needed an itinerary that was followed to the T.  If the plan was changed last minute, I was struck by anxiety so crippling it took a count to ten and several minutes of breathing to bring me back down to normal.  Tae was the only one who really knew how to help me, but he would soon be gone too.  And then where would I be?  

I shook the thoughts away, and took several deep breaths.  I was always jittery the night before leaving for school, but tonight felt different, like the beginning of an end.  I had already chewed my nails to nubs earlier when we were watching TV (with korean subs, Tae said it made it more fun), and I was now tugging on a lock of hair that had fallen out on my bun at some point.  Or maybe I’d tugged it out, I couldn’t remember.  

I was pulling on it when Taehyung caught my hand in his.  “Woah, woah, hey.  Jagiya, Y/N, whats going on up there.”  he tugged on my hand until I faced him, avoiding his eyes.  “Do you need to breathe?  Are you good?”  He looked worried, and for good reason.  He knew what my episodes could do to me, sending me into a spiral that could last minutes to days.  I chewed on my lip, wondering if I was going to ruin our last night together before school.  

I took a deep breath and Tae waited til I was ready.  It made my heart expand, thinking how he had never grown tired of me and my anxiety, my issues.  “I’m going to miss you.” I said, and Tae smiled.  

“Well, I would hope so.  Jesus, what kind of friend would you be if you were like ‘yup, bye, finally some alone time’.”  I laughed, and Tae slung an arm around me.  My stomach fluttered, and it was becoming harder to shove the off-limits thoughts away.  “Y/N, I’m gonna miss you too.  But-”

“This is something you need to do, I know.  I’m not gonna stop you.  I want you to be happy.”  I shrugged, attempting to ignore the weight and warmth of his arm across my shoulders.  

“Not what I was gonna say,” He scolded.  

“Oh?  And what were you gonna say?”  

“You should come with me.”  He sat up straighter, not moving his arm but angling his body to face me, to force me to look into his eyes.  

“What?” I asked, my heart sputtering to a stop.  His dark, warm, chocolate eyes searched mine.  “Me? Go with you?”  I pointed back and forth between us, making sure that I had heard him right.  

He nodded enthusiastically.  “I want to introduce you to my Grandmother, she’d love you.  I’ve written to her about you.  I want you to see the world with me.”  I could see all of it flashing before his eyes: meeting his grandmother, cooking traditional food in her kitchen with him, going to some concert in Seoul, seeing the Taj Mahal in India and the Buddhist temples in China.  All the while him at my side and me at his.  

But I shook my head.  “Tae, you know I can’t.”  

“And why not?”  

“Well, first off, I don’t have that kind of money.”  I wasn’t poor per say, but Tae and his family certainly weren’t middle class.  Tae didn’t have to worry about student debt after graduation, not like I had to worry about it.  Tae had freedom, a freedom that I could not afford. “Secondly, I don’t think my anxiety would let me.  You’re a very...”  I paused, thinking of a phrase or word that could describe him accurately.  “...go with the flow, hippy dippy, ‘oh we missed our train, we’ll just sleep here and catch the one in the morning’ kind of guy.  I get nervous in crowds.”  I shrugged, blushing again.  “I don’t want to hold you back.”  

“Okay but like,” Tae paused for a moment, clearly trying to arrange his thoughts from Korean to English and then into a proper sentence.  He only had problems when he was getting flustered or worked up.  After a moment he gave up and switched entirely to Korean, which was how I knew he was serious.  “I don’t understand why you think I want to do this without you.”  

I shook my head again, but he stopped me with a frustrated groan and a mumble of what definitely sounded like “stupid white girl”.

“You don’t get it, do you?” He asked in English.  

“What am I supposed to get, Taehyung?”  Sometimes I hated when he spoke to me like I was a child, and that he knew everything.  

His leg was jiggling in frustration, his fingers beating out a rhythm that I couldn’t place on his knee.  He was getting really frustrated now, switching back and forth between English and Korean, causing my brain to scramble to keep up. “I don’t want to go without you.  If I left without you, I would constantly be thinking ‘oh wow, Y/N would love this’ or turning to tell you something only to realize you’re not there.  Jagiya, you’ve been there all these years and you expect me to just walk away?  You don’t get it!  You keep expecting that I’m gonna walk away from you just because the rest of the world has.  But I’m not them.  I’m me.  I’m Taehyung, TaeTae, your V.  I will never walk away without you.  I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”  

I smiled sadly at Tae.  “I understand that.  I really do.  But what about when you meet a girl, fall madly in love with her, and she thinks our relationship is weird.  What if she asked you to walk away?  You’d do it Tae, because I’d make you.  Just like I’m going to make you now.  I refuse to let you give up your happiness, this happiness that you’ve been planning and plotting since you showed up in fourth grade just because of me.  I’m nothing, Tae, nothing compared to that big wide world out there that’s waiting for you.”            

In romance novels, the lead never realizes she’s crying until and touches her cheeks after her lover leaves her.  I can attest to the fact that this is a fucking lie.  I knew that I was crying by the tightness in my chest and the way my eyes burned and blurred when I looked at Tae.  He was gonna leave me.  And that was that.  

“You should go now.”  I said, standing up and wiping some stray snot on my sleeve.  Very romantic.  “See you, TaeTae,”  I said, turning towards the door, not looking at my best friend in the whole world.  There I had gone and ruined our last night.  Just like I thought I would.  Stupid white girl, indeed.  

“What the fuck?” Tae said as his hand closed around my wrist.  “Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N?”  He pulled me around to look at him.  “Do not pull that pity party shit with me.  It may work with your mom but I’m not dumb nor do I pity you.”  I stared at my shoes.  “And Jesus, please just look at me.  Just...”  He stopped, sighing, his voice becoming quiet.  “Please, Jagiya, please just look at me.”  

I lifted my eyes to him, and my heart began to beat at my rib cage, a bird trying to escape.  The sun had fully set, and so it was only the porch light now that caught the angles of his face.  His hair glowed around the edges, changing the ash grey into a luminous white.  The boy took my breath away, and I had no more words for him.  He had effectively wiped my brain clean.  

“Y/N.  I don’t want to leave you.  I will never want to leave you.”  He moved his hand that was around my wrist into my palm, and then he took my other hand in his other one.  He moved these both up to his chest, never taking his eyes off of me or removing his hands from mine.  I could feel the stuttering beat of his heart beneath my fingertips, strong and powerful but as nervous as mine for once.  “I know that you’ll probably never feel the same way as I do about you.  You’ll never want me as I want you, but that’s okay.  I promise.  I just need you to know that you are my whole world.  I never do anything without thinking ‘Y/N would love this’ or wondering when I’ll see you next.  You were my only friend for the longest time.  I can’t imagine a world where I’m happy without you.”  

I blinked several times.  “You’re so stupid.”  I said after a moment.  

Tae blushed and looked shocked.  “Excuse me?  I confess to you after all this time and you call me stupid?  Rude.”  He huffed, letting go of my hands and shaking his bangs into his eyes to hide.  I laughed, a hysterical nervous sound emanating from my throat.   

“Kim Taehyung.”  I said, taking his face in my hands and brushing his hair from his eyes so that I could see them.  He looked at me nervously, eyes flicking all over my face, never settling on one distinct feature.  “You are the stupidest fucking man I have ever met.  How could you not see how in love with you I am.”  Just saying the words made me want to vomit in fear, fear of rejection, of being laughed at even though he had just confessed himself.  But he hadn’t said love.  I had said the L word.  Panic rose in my throat but a little voice in my head, that I would later realize was Tae’s voice, said fuck it, it’s too late now.  “I am not subtle, no matter how I try.”  

Tae laughed, his smile taking up most of his face, and suddenly he was the shy new boy from fourth grade again.  My heart expanded as he took my face in his hands, his head dipping slowly towards mine.  “Don’t let me leave without you then,” he whispered, his lips softly brushing my own.  “Don’t let me go alone, I don’t want to be without you.”  Tae pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes closing softly, his breath brushing my cheeks soft as a butterfly wing.  

“You are ridiculous,” I sighed, deciding to shove the dark thoughts of money and debt and panic and anxiety to the farthest corner of my brain.  I wouldn’t give him an answer quite yet, we still had months of school and graduation to make it through, then I, no we, could decide where to go next.  But for now, I let my window-counting-self live in the moment, live in the now, as my mother said, and stretched onto my toes and pressed my lips against Tae’s.  My hands were still pressed against his chest, his arms snaked around my waist, engulfing me in his scent of bubblegum and books mixed with some kind of manly soap.  His lips were soft, just as I’d imagined them, and his tongue as it slipped between my lips was softer.  He tasted me and I tasted him, drinking him in and forgetting where and who I was in the process.  He groaned, humming happily into the kiss as one of my hands ran up through his hair, my fingertips scraping across his scalp.  I smiled and pulled back, watching him as he slowly and dazedly opened his eyes, his lips slightly parted and swollen from the kiss. My brain buzzed from the fact that Kim Taehyung loved me, and that I loved him.  I was encased in a rosey bubble that I hoped I’d never leave.

And then the front door opened, and there stood my mother, hands on her hips, smiling a wicked smile.  I was expecting her to scold us, or lecture (again) on the dangers of unprotected sex, but instead, she sighed and shook her head.

“Finally,” she said, closing the door and leaving the two of us alone in the dark.  

[lexpistachio]

Yo, your opinion doesn't bother me so much as I like debating? And like. I don't expect to change your opinion, just like you won't change mine, and you're totally within your right to not respond if you don't want to! I think with me, I don't see the issues presented as having disappeared? Like just because Jack has been doing well mentally doesn't mean his anxiety is totally gone. Bittys checking problem isn't gone, either, just because he's gotten better at handling them. 1/?

And maybe it’s because I went into CP knowing what to expect but like. I always thought the whole point of CP was “hey hockey’s cool but Fuck the NHLs homophobia and Fuck toxic masculinity. We don’t need it.” It should also be noted Ngozi did write something about homophobia/toxic masculinity in hockey. It was called Harvey, it was a screenplay she did for a class, and she wrote check please to be it’s counter. A Gay player with a toxic team vs an accepting one 2/2

Outsourced homophobia anyone?

Kidding aside, do you mean Hardy not Harvey, of which only the first 15 pages was shared? Firstly, I have read that and it features hypermasculinity and internalized homophobia but I didn’t see the toxic vs happy team comparison that you’re talking about. Maybe you have access to the complete script, maybe it’s really Harvey and you have, like, a different script altogether, I don’t know, and I honestly don’t care because that’s not what we’re discussing. We’re talking about CP as a body of work. You don’t tell each and every one of future buyers of the comics to, hey, read the script she wrote back in college, all the issues are there, this is the fluffy companion. We look into this particular piece as it is.

Going back, I don’t think you got the point of my answers to your previous asks: it’s not particularly the lack of homophobia that bothers us here. It’s not. It’s the erasure of this issues that were present at the beginning, which makes for an unsatisfying narrative. Homophobia and hypermasculinity in sports was real when Bitty was afraid to tell his dad, or his team, it might’ve been real when Jack OD’d, but now that they’ve come out (at Jack’s behest, may I add), it’s suddenly gone? Did the comics just present coming out as a cure to homophobia? That depiction makes my eye twitch, as a queer, but never mind that. Narratively speaking, it’s just unsatisfying, is all.

Allow me to be a little more pedantic here and talk a little about narratology. One of the most interesting explanations that I’ve read on why we read is by Peter Brooks, who said that we’re driven to read because of our drive to find meaningful, bounded, totalizing order to the chaos that is life, and if the natural state is quiescence, it is interrupted by dilations (through discursive manipulations), which are necessary also to give us a sense at the end that the narrative has reached a proper closure—that feeling of “ah yes, of course!” Basically, what he says is that in plotting, it’s necessary for loose ends to be tied for the purpose of reading to be fulfilled. How do we do that? He borrows from Freud and says that it’s through repetition of a past trauma. The goal is “to make an end to its reproductive insistence in the present, to lead the analysand to understanding that the past is indeed past, and then to incorporate this past, as past, within [the analysand’s] present, so that the life’s story can once again progress.”

It’s all fancy shmancy for: don’t leave your plot points behind because it’s fucking annoying.

That is to say, regarding your point that Jack’s anxiety or Bitty’s problem not disappearing, let me remind you that it’s fiction that we’re talking about here. They’re fictional characters. It’s like the metaphysical question about the tree in the forest: if homophobia and anxiety and checking problems (? what) exist out of frame and they aren’t manifesting in the comics itself, do they still exist? Maybe to your imagination, but more importantly, do they matter if these don’t affect the comics’ characterizations, the plot or the narrative at all? I don’t think so.

And the nature of oppression, or maybe any significant burdens for a long time at that–they tend to warp you, subconsciously, and it affects your attitude, your habits, your decision-making. A story: I grew up poor, and when I was growing up, my parents didn’t have money to spare me lunch money, so we have to eat every single food on our dining table because we can’t afford to get hungry outside. Years later, I had dinner with a colleague who was in charge of the tab that night. He noticed I was taking a long time in eating my food, and I was still trying to finish it even though some of our other friends had moved on to post-meal chatter. He said, “You don’t have to finish that, you know,” and it seems innocuous enough but I felt my cheeks flushing. I felt humiliated in that I recognized that I was still on that habit of voraciously eating everything in front of me if it was in abundance because I was afraid of being hungry. I realized I had certain behaviors affected by the oppression that I carried, even though some of them aren’t present anymore: I tend to hoard things, I stock food a lot. The oppressions I still carry, I can’t even begin to describe. My parents think mental health illnesses are weakness and laziness that I could snap out of any moment, so I try not to be a burden and would rather curl in by myself rather than seek help when I break down.  Having grown up in a traditionally Christian environment, I can’t talk about my queerness to my family. I don’t even write about it in my journal in fear they will come to look at it and reject me (which, I know they will). I certainly don’t hold a person of the same-sex’s hand outside when on a walk or talk to a significant other in a public kitchen in a shared house where my peers will be able to walk on me anytime. Such is the nature of oppression: it incites fear and manifests in the littlest of ways.

Check Please used to be so relatable in that sense, but stopped being so. Now everything’s just smooth and shiny with no past traces of anything at all. I remember Jack being so relatable in the ways he felt closed off to people and I was so interested on how he manages it once he goes pro, but the lack of repetition of these themes just makes for (1) inconsistent characterization (2) unresolved issues and (3) a seeming lack of insight on the nature of oppression, or at the very least, poor plotting decisions. Not to go post hoc ergo propter hoc on this, but love/coming out -> issues missing/not discussed, ergo? Fallacious, but that seems to be a problematic portrayal if I do say so myself.

(and not to go ballistic, but really? the way to fuck NHL’s homophobia and toxic masculinity is to pretend they don’t exist? really, you’re affirming that?)

Anyway, as I’ve said before that it’s okay if you want fluff; personally, if I’d wanted fluff, I’d read a fic. Though, even then, I like a satisfying story, but that’s just me. This has been a long enough post just to tell a person I have no chance of convincing anyway, apparently. I’m busy and tired, yo, and just so you know, people in this fandom with unpopular opinions have been harassed and driven into deleting their accounts, you know? So if you want a proper debate that doesn’t put me on the defensive I’d be glad to entertain you over the little smiley chatbubble in the right hand corner of your dashboard, thanks.

[fanscrit]

To the Rescue

Fandom: Overwatch Pairing: Mchanzo Rating: Teen and Up Prompt: Superhero AU (Day 2) Warning: Angst

A/N: Sorry, it’s what I do best. Sorry for being late

Since he was a small child, Jesse McCree loved to watch the Gibraltar news reports of the superheroes going out to save the day. Seeing his favorite heroes like Striker 76, Lionheart, and Angel go out into battle to save innocent lives was inspiring. He dreamed of one day getting the chance to fight side by side with them, but he knew it would never be. You had to have powers, and he was nothing like them. Didn’t quench the fire burning in him to do good, though.

Jesse joined the police force and put his shooting skills to the test. He made first response and excelled. No one could match Jesse when it came to the gun. He never missed if he could see you. Some of the guys on the force joked that he was a Super himself. They even gave him his own name: Deadeye.

Jesse complained and said it sounded more like a crook than a hero. Secretly, he loved it. Captain Reyes agreed, and whenever he used the dispatch, his boss never failed to joke around about it either. Here, he felt at home. He truly felt like he was where he needed to be… but something was missing. He couldn’t understand what it was.

Half a year into his time on first response, he was accustomed the ins and outs of Gibraltar. The dispatch crackled as the word came out.

“We have a robbery on 6th and Hanamura Avenue, Payload Industries. All patrols, converge on the site. I repeat…” Jesse drowned out the sound of Orisa dispatch interface. Putting the lights on so he could avoid traffic, Jesse made for the destination.

When he arrived, there were two visible figures among what appeared to be hostages. One was a Hispanic woman in a purple jacket and leggings. He’d read up on her, Sombra was an elite hacker, and with her powers she could control anyone. The other man was new, though. Asian, by the look of it, with black hair, rugged features, blue attire with an asymmetrical chest cut, and a bow.

Jesse looked to his hostage negotiator, Lucio, who looked like he was about at wits end. The poor thing was new, just into his second week, and while he was good in normal circumstances, Supers were a whole other breed. This was his first time with them too. Jesse patted him on the back.

“What’s going on here, partner?” Jesse quipped. Lucio looked close to tears when he turned to face Jesse.

“Deadeye, she’s impossible! I’ve tried everything, and she just tosses it around and leaves me all tongue tied. Nearest Super is 20 min away, but she’s gonna set her hound on them in the next 10. I don’t like it,” the man whined.

“Now I don’t think Hana would like hearing about you getting tongue tied by another woman,” Jesse joked, “so let’s see if we can wrap this up before time’s up.”

Lucio’s dark skin grew heated, “Yeah, okay. There’s a roof entrance accessible by ladder, you can sneak in and get them that way.”

“Gotcha, keep Sombra busy while I head in. If I can get rid of the muscle, we should be fine,” Jesse took off in the direction of the building, avoiding the glass walls on the second floor.

Jesse got in easily enough. The building was three floors high, so he needed to head to the stairs and wait for the signal from Lucio. He saw terrified employees on his way through, innocent people waiting to be saved. All he could do was give them a fighting chance till a Super would show up.

He made it to the stairway door and tested the knob. It was unlocked, good. He needed it to be accessible to make this work. Jesse took a deep breath and turned the handle, gun in hand. He had not been expecting someone on the other side, but within seconds, a bow notched with an arrow was pointed in his face.

“Hey partner, now let’s just take a minute to think about what we’re…” Jesse’s words trailed as he took in the intricate Dragon tattoo on the man’s exposed left arm.

“What is your business here?” The strong Eastern accent made Jesse focus on the man in front of him again. He stared the man down, watching his stern, solid gaze for weakness.

“I reckon I take issue with that question,” Jesse laughed, “seeing as how you’re the one not meant to be here.”

The archer’s eye twitched in annoyance, “I will play no games with a cop. State your business or die.”

“But we were getting to know each other so well,” Jesse poked, hoping for a response.

“No we were not.”

“But we could, if you wanted,” Jesse gave the man a winning smile. He watched the man’s brow furrow for a momemt.

Jesse coughed, “Let’s start with names. The name’s… uhhh… well most just call me Deadeye.”

The eyes narrowed, as if looking for a trick. After a tense moment, the reply came.

“Stormbow.”

“Well, sounds nice and tough if you ask me,” Jesse eyed the tattoo again, “What’s with that on your arm?”

“Why do you care?” Stormbow questioned. He was getting suspicious. His gaze turned to a clock on the wall. He needed to hold out for a few more moments. He needed a bold move.

He relaxed his grip on his gun and pocketed it in his holster. He held his hands up a took a step forward. Stormbow backed into the wall.

“Come on, I’m sure your girlfriend down there is nice, but a friend couldn’t kill ya, right?” Jesse mused.

“She is… we a have strictly professional relationship,” the man corrected. Jesse would deny that his heart did a flip when he heard that. He had assumed they were a power couple. It wasn’t uncommon. Why was he so happy to hear that…?

Jesse through caution to the wind and took a few more steps until he was right in front of Stormbow, “Well maybe we can have one a little more… off the books?”

Stormbow turned a shade of red that was completed confusing to Jesse until he went over what he’d said. His cheeks burned as he tried to back track his words.

“I mean, not like that! Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all, I mean I just don’t know you well enough! You’re probably a great guy and all but I just got away from a bad break up and I’m in no position to-”

“Storm, we need to go, did you get…” the voice, belonging to none other than Sombra, trailed as it looked up at Jesse. Immediately, her eyes went wide and she threw up her hands, glowing a dark purple.

Jesse suddenly found himself on the floor in a crumpled mess. He couldn’t move his limbs at all. Sombra must have hacked him! He struggled to move but failed again and again.

“I’ve got you in my sights!” The call denoted the arrival of Striker 76. Stormbow and Sombra whipped around and the man himself was at the door to the second floor steps. Sombra cursed.

“Mission failed, we need to go. Say goodbye to you friend,” she snarled as she typed into the holopads she created.

“He is no friend of mine,” Stormbow snapped. He did, however, look back at Jesse with a look of confusion.

“Whatever, translocating,” and with that they disappeared. Seconds later, Strike 76 appeared. Jesse craned his neck to look up at him

“Does this wear off or am I stuck like this?”

Jesse started running into the pair all over the place. And each time, he would run into Stormbow again and again. He had to admit it was something he looked forward to. Jesse was man enough to admit he was smitten with the man. Just a crush, though, nothing more. It wasn’t like anything was gonna come out of it.

Each time they talked, he learned a little more about the man. Like that he loved seafood and cheese, that he had recently discovered jazz and was quite fond of it, and that he’d been trained in archery since he was a child. Each time, Jesse fell for Stormbow harder and harder.

It got to the point that at the last time they had a run in, Jesse had yelled dinner reservations at the archer as he sped away. He’d received no confirmation about if Stormbow would even be there, but he made the reservations anyways. His friend’s mother, Ana Amari, owned a four star Egyptian cuisine restaurant that he convinced her to get them a table at instead of waiting weeks for the reservation.

Jesse made the reservation under Deadeye since he hadn’t given Stormbow his actual name. He was smitten, not an idiot; he still had his gun on him. It was the longest hour of his life. So many feelings went through him, from anxiety to fear, disappointment to embarrassment.

When we was all but ready to call it a night with he head in his hands, Jesse heard a chair being pulled back. He looked up to see the refined archer in all his formal attire. Jesse had never been a man to have a particular interest in a man in a suit, but the one before him truly made him reconsider it.

“You came…” Jesse was not a fan of how surprised and afraid he sounded in that moment.

“You made it sound so important, I decided to see what this was about,” Stormbow quipped back. The familiar banter helped ease Jesse’s nerves.

“Well, I guess you could say that, but it’s not really-”

“Ah, so I was right then. Good,” The Asian pulled a wicked smile and Jesse’s face turned beet red, “So Deadeye, tell me-”

“Actually, it’s Jesse,” he hadn’t meant to go there, but some part of him wanted this to feel real and Deadeye was a joke. Stormbow laughed.

“Hanzo. So Jesse, tell me,” his ears burned and the sound of his name coming from Stor- from Hanzo. He could get drunk off the sound alone, “what is it that you want? Info on my partner? Her powers? My cooperation in a takedown on her?”

Jesse’s eyes widened, “No, no, nothing like that. I just wanted to get to know you a little better… see where things go. I’m sorry if you got the wrong impression from what I was looking for here.”

Hanzo didn’t move, didn’t speak. Thankfully, the waitress saved him from embarrassing himself further by ordering wine and some appetizers. When she left, he turned back to Hanzo to see a face of stone. Jesse panicked inside. What had he done? Was this a mistake? Maybe he should go?

“I can leave if you-” he made to rise and leave the building but Hanzo stopped him with this hand.

“I am not opposed to getting to know you,” he started.

“Good,” Jesse breathed, taking his seat again, “cause I wanna know all about you.”

They spoke on many things. Hanzo would laugh when he told a joke, and Jesse would let Hanzo try what he ordered since Hanzo wasn’t as familiar with Egyptian food.

Halfway through, a storm kicked up and Hanzo excused himself to the bathroom. As soon as Hanzo turned the corner, Jesse broke out in a sweat. He was hooked. Everything about Hanzo made him desire the man more and more. He was obsessed. He wanted the chance to really know who he was.

After several minutes had passed, Jesse got up himself and went to check the bathroom to make sure Hanzo was okay. When he found the restroom to be empty, Jesse became immediately concerned. He found Ana in the kitchen and asked if she had seen anything. She shook her head and said to check the upstairs hall before the doorway too the roof.

Jesse hopped up toward the roof and came to the door. He put his ear to the door and listened for words. Maybe Hanzo was making a long phone call, or maybe he was just as nervous as Jesse was. He could pick up distant yelling.

“What are you doing,?” It was Sombra… Jesse’s heart skipped a beat in panic.

“I never wanted this! I did not ask to be here with him,” It was Hanzo, and what he was saying… Jesse was close to tears. He really was stupid if he thought this would work.

He kicked the door in and pointed his gun at Stormbow, “Sorry, didn’t realize I was that bad of a date.”

“Jesse…” Stormbow took a step forward but Jesse fired a warning shot into the ground in front of him.

“Don’t you dare!!” He lost it, “so what was it, huh? Bad conversation, poor food, or was I just a side piece till the main course came back around?”

“Jesse, please, let me-” the archer tried again, but another warning shot fired closer to him.

“It was from the start, right? All the talking and back and forth was a lie, right?” Jesse couldn’t tell if it his blurred vision was from the rain or the tears, but his heart snapping in two definitely felt like it was the tears.

Sombra laughed, “What, you thought you would make him fall in love with you, make him leave everything behind to be with you and you both would love in peace? How small minded. Stormbow, kill him and let’s go. I’ve had enough of this.”

“No one moved, Jesse pointed his gun at Stormbow’s head, waiting for him to make a move. Slowly, he notched an arrow onto his bow.

"Jesse, please understand…”

“Understand what, that you made a fool of me? Did you get a good laugh? Did it make you feel like you were a man? I’m done talking, I don’t wanna hear anything you got to say. You make me sick,” with each word, Jesse’s voice began to break. He was all but sobbing. He was worth less than nothing foretting the enemy use him like this. He was more angry with himself than anyone else.

Stormbow didn’t make a move to shoot. He turned to Sombra, “No.”

Sombra whipped around at him, “What was that?”

“I refuse. I will not take his life, I will not make the same mistake twice. We will go and-”

“No, you will do as I say and get rid of him, he knows too much. My operation will not fall because of some cliche romance,” Sombra snapped.

“I said-”

“No I SAID he dies!” Sombra ensnared Jesse in her hack. The cop glowed a sickly purple as he dropped his gun to the floor. He felt as if he had to retch.

Stormbow made as if to shoot Sombra, but she was one step ahead of him. She pulled her own gun from her side and aimed at Jesse. Stormbow hesitated.

“Nope, not gonna happen,” Sombra cackled. She made Jesse wall to the end of the building. He stood, overlooking the busy street below.

“Now, let’s have some fun, since you don’t seem to understand who’s in charge here." She released Jesse from her control. He turned to see Stormbow glowing a sickly purple, bow drawn at him.

The first one launched, embedding itself right into the crook of his elbow. Jesse hollered in pain while Sombra laughed.

"Stop this!” Stormbow yelled.

“I can. But you have to ask me to kill him. Otherwise, I’ll turn him into a cowboy pin cushion,” Another arrow went into his shoulder. Jesse buckled down onto his knees. His vision was hazy. He couldn’t feel his arm at all.

Another hit his thigh, and a fourth one punctured a lung. He was all but dead on his feet. Jesse was a mess of tears and blood being cleansed in the rain.

“Just, may I have a moment? Please, I wish to say goodbye,” Stormbow pleaded.

“Sure thing, cabrón. Hurry it up.” She walked Stormbow over to Jesse, who lay there on the ground, breathing heavily.

"I am forever sorry, I never intended to hurt you. I merely deluded myself into thinking I could have something I always wanted,“ Jesse turned his head and looked deep into Hanzo’s eyes. He could feel something just beneath the surface.

"Huh, what’s that?” Jesse coughed.

“Happiness,” tears fell from Hanzo’s eyes and he brought himself down to kiss Jesse. It was sad, as if two long lost lovers were saying goodbye once more. Jesse sighed into the kiss and reached to hold Hanzo’s hand. The sound of the rain seemed to stop as he lost himself in were his final moments.

He felt something enter his grip and looked down. It was his gun! Jesse barely had enough time to think before Hanzo whispered in his ear “Shoot me.”

Whatever was beneath Hanzo’s skin started to roar, to Jesse it felt like the world was shaking.

“Do you feel that?” Jesse sputtered.

“Do not worry, it is of little consequence. Just do what you know you must,” Hanzo smiled as he squeezed Jesse’s hand.

He could feel in inside him, begging to burst free. He needed to let it free.

Jesse leaned leaned up into Hanzo’s face, “Let the dragon consume.”

Hanzo looked at him in shock. Jesse shook his head. Where had that come from? But his hand burned with raw energy. It wanted out.

“I’ll point and shoot, you just say the words,” Jesse coughed.

“They speak through you, with you…” Hanzo closed his eyes. When he opened them, he had a look of determination, “Very well.”

Jesse gripped the gun and with what little strength he had left, aimed the barrel at Sombra.

“Now Hanzo!” Jesse screamed.

“Ryuga Waga Teki No Kurau!”

Electric power rushed through his entire body, traveling through him all the way out through the barrel of the gun. Jesse pulled the trigger, but no bullet came out. Instead, a dragon the size of a baseball sped out of the pistol. It moved so fast, one would mistake it for lightning. It hit Sombra dead in the chest, causing her to stumble back in agony.

Hanzo took the distraction, took Jesse in his arms, and ran for the hallway. Jesse faded in and out of consciousness. He remembered seeing Ana and her scream. The police and ambulance carrying him into the van. Hanzo praying ‘please do not leave me, please, not when I am finally ready to be happy again.’

When he fully awoke, he was in a hospital bed. He looked over to see Hanzo passed out beside him. His fingers were intertwined with his. Jesse smiled as he felt sleep try to take him once more. He whispered to Hanzo in his sleep.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna be right here, with you. Always.”

[ingridgovaninsights]

The Charlotte Chapters- Part 10

When Elliott and I left the hospital, it was one in the morning. The town was quiet; I didn’t even know which town we’d ended up in. But Elliott knew his way around. We started driving back home. It was a quiet night on the highway.

“If you don’t mind my asking, what was Victoria saying to you on the phone?” I asked after we had driven in silence for a good ten or fifteen minutes.

It wasn’t a comfortable silence, it was an awkward silence. I was perfectly fine with comfortable silence, but our silences recently weren’t so comfy. There was an unspoken tension in the air between us.

“Oh, she was getting all pissed off because I took you to the crisis unit,” he mumbled. “But hey, what else is new, right?”

“Elliott, what is her problem?” I asked. “She seems to really have something against me.”

“Yep, it’s because of our history,” he said. “Victoria is a very… jealous person. But she has her reasons, so I’m not going to go and talk shit about her.”

“She has her reasons? You’re trying to justify it,” I said, getting quite heated about it. “She can be jealous all she wants, but you haven’t given her a reason to be so rude to you. The way she’s been talking to you is just… ridiculous. Do you not see that?”

Elliott shrugged. “I mean, sometimes I think maybe she’s a little out of line, but hey… she’s got quite a few mental issues, okay?”

“Why are you making excuses for her? You’ve told me so many times you’re the one who cuts through the bullshit. So why do you lie when it’s about her?”

Elliott sighed. He started tapping his fingers against the steering wheel; was he anxious?

“I… I don’t know. I’m afraid she’s all I’ve got. If I lose her, I lose my chance at love, at a family, at an actual life…”

“Is it true love if you have to cover things up all the time?” I asked boldly.

It was something I should have asked myself a long time ago. Elliott had no answer.

***

Elliott and I didn’t really talk again between that night and Friday night- my date night with Oliver. I was too nervous, anyways, to be dealing with the Elliott and Victoria drama. I was probably just as nervous as I was excited. Is that a bad thing?

We were supposed to be meeting downtown in a couple of hours. I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, completely naked, and really looked hard at my reflection. I hated what I saw. I looked so plain, so boring. And my figure was far from the ideal- after so much stress and anxiety, I probably gained about ten pounds. I had extra weight to go around, for sure; I could pinch my side and grab a handful of fat. 

Fat- that’s how I felt.

I stood awkwardly, my hair a mess and my eyes looked tired. I didn’t feel very ladylike. Why did I have such muscular legs, and such small breasts? I wanted to feel like a woman, and a powerful one at that. I couldn’t, so long as I felt this way about myself.

So I would have to mask the insecurity. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water cascade over my body. I squeezed a ton of body wash into the palm of my hand, and started scrubbing almost desperately. I wanted to wash away all of the filth that was my life; but sadly, no amount of scrubbing could do that.

When I was finally done showering, I towel dried my hair as best as I could and slipped into my favorite outfit- bright red skinny jeans and a plain grey v-neck. It was simple, but I felt most comfortable in it, and my red pants gave everything a pop. I felt slightly less insecure hiding under my clothes.

I wasn’t one for makeup, but I applied a thin layer to try and give myself a boost of confidence. I told myself I didn’t look half bad. It would be okay.

Before I knew it, it was time to head out. I grabbed my purse and dipped out into the brisk evening. I only had to walk a few blocks to get to downtown- it wasn’t far, yet people still felt uncomfortable about women walking alone at night. What was the big deal? Men could get kidnapped or attacked, too.

The pub looked extremely busy- every table including the tables on the patio were full. Lovely. Unfortunately, I spotted Oliver already at a table in the far corner… looks like I’d have to endure the noise level.

Oliver looked incredibly handsome, even in the poor pub lighting. His Jesus hair was tied back into a ponytail, and he wore a nicely fitted black t-shirt with faded blue ripped jeans. Even something so casual looked so fine on him… but I had to stop ogling. I was too caught up in his appearances; I didn’t even know the man yet. I composed myself and walked over to meet him.

He turned around, noticed me and smiled. “Well, look who it is.”

I couldn’t help but smile back. He had such a great energy about him, it was so hard not to feel like you were being hugged by the positivity, too. When I took a seat across from him, he watched me curiously, as if he were trying to read me. I fidgeted, feeling quite awkward about it. I never knew what to do when people looked at me for extended periods of time.

Luckily, the waitress came over and broke the awkwardness. “Hi! Can I get you something to drink?”

She was smiling over at me. I looked at Oliver’s half-full glass of beer. “I’ll have whatever he’s having. Thanks.”

With another smile and a nod she disappeared to fetch me my drink. So there we were again, in awkwardness. Damn it, why couldn’t she have stayed a little longer to avoid this situation? My heart was pounding. I felt overwhelmingly anxious.

“So, Charlotte. Tell me a bit about yourself.” I was thankful that Oliver started the conversation for us.

“Well, what would you like to know?” Apparently I couldn’t think clearly enough to come up with something to say on my own.

“Well… I know you work at the restaurant. You moved back here not too long ago. What happened there, if you don’t mind me asking?”

I hesitated. It was a bit of a personal question to be asking right away on a first date. But I wasn’t going to lie or pass on the question. My story should be heard.

“I left to move back here because I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. Not sure if I told you that or not. Anyways, it was a bit rough. He was quite… controlling. Jealous. Manipulative. Yeah, those are good words. He turned something that happened into something it wasn’t, and it caused lots of fighting between us. Things eventually had to come to an end, so I decided enough was enough.”

I tried to go for a more vague answer, since I wasn’t interested in scaring Oliver away; I just wanted to give him the gist of the story. Oliver was nodding slowly, as if he could understand. Did he, though?

“Right, right. Charlotte, I’m so sorry. That’s really awful. Do you stay in touch with him?”

“No,” I answered quickly, “not at all. He cut all contact with me, and to be honest I think I’d rather it stay that way. I don’t need to associate with people like that.”

The waitress came by and plopped the beer down on the wooden pub table. It had taken a while, no doubt- they were incredibly busy, and just next to us there was a big party table of maybe fifteen college students. They were all sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, laughing loudly and drinking endless amounts of beer. They split some nachos- which looked really tasty- and a big plate of calamari. How could they possibly have a meaningful conversation with so many people begging for their input to be heard? That’s why I didn’t like big social groups- it was difficult to go deeper than chatting about movies and sports without getting lost and overwhelmed.

The party table made me pretty anxious. Surely they’d had several pitchers of beer, and they were getting quite rowdy. They were laughing about something on the TV- but I didn’t understand what was so funny. For them, it was probably the buzz talking. Blah. I took a long drink of my beer; hopefully it would soon take the edge off. I didn’t drink alcohol as much these days- after the “three month crisis” (as Elliott and I like to call the break in the relationship for Ross and I where all I did was drink and act impulsively), I was a lot more cautious about my drinking habits. So with that knowledge, I didn’t need to drink too much to get a bit of a buzz.

“Okay. So you had a bad breakup with an asshole of a guy, and you’re not in touch with him anymore.” Oliver was thoughtful. “Okay, that gives me a lot of background and helps me know where you’re at. Thanks for sharing.”

“What about you?” I asked. “What was your last relationship like?”

“Ah,” he said, taking the final gulp of his beer, “good question. I was with my ex for two years. It was really, really good for the most part. We knew each other in high school, but weren’t part of the same social circle so we never talked. But we reconnected, randomly, on Facebook years later. Social media is pretty amazing that way. Anyways, yeah, we had a good run, but ultimately we had to go our separate ways because she decided to go backpacking in Europe for a year, which was great for her, but not my plan. We just wanted different things.”

“Wow,” I said. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a break up as… mutual as that. As cleanly cut.”

Oliver shrugged. “Sometimes there’s no choice but for it to be messy. It sounds like you didn’t have much of a say, Charlotte. So don’t think about it too much. Can’t be pals with all of your exes.”

“You could,” I said. “But would you want to, is the question.”

“Aha,” Oliver said.

We just sat for a moment, and surprisingly it wasn’t awkward. We both quietly watched the group of college students as they all started singing some random show tune through bursts of laughter. Wow, I sometimes wish I could be that free spirited. Maybe if I had more friends. Maybe if I wasn’t so anxious all the time…

“So do you wanna get out of here?” Oliver asked me with a sly grin. “We can take a walk or something, go get ice cream.”

“That sounds great.”

***

Oliver and I hung out for maybe four hours, which was considered wild for most first dates. But I wouldn’t consider myself normal- the longer the better, if it meant getting to know the other person more.

We walked along the water, and found a bench to sit at with a nice view. We had ice cream- Moose Tracks for me, plain old vanilla for him. I don’t understand how people can choose such a basic flavor when there are so many exotic flavors to try.

“So tell me what it is you like to do for fun,” Oliver said, paying special attention to his ice cream. He was flattening it out with his plastic spoon- somehow it tasted better if you manually made it soft serve. Maybe it just went down easier.

“Um…” It was a question I had to think about. Everyone seemed to have their “thing”- for instance, Elliott was a car guy; my sister was a painter, Ross had always been the video game guy. What did I do?

“I’ll go first then. I would definitely call myself an outdoorsy kind of guy. I love to hike. Last summer I went up north, no plan in mind, with a sleeping bag and a few cans of beans. I found a really cool spot in the middle of nowhere and I just camped out. On my own. It was quite peaceful- I had a fire and just sat in the quiet with a book. What a great time that was.”

Wow. I honestly couldn’t compete with that- but then again, who said it was a competition? I tried to think about what I’d been up to for the past several months, and I realized I never tried to work on myself. I worked for money- slaving away at the restaurant- and I worked to please other people, but I failed myself big time.

“Um… well, I like to hang out with friends,” I said. “Uh… is work a hobby?” I joked, laughing nervously. He was going to lose interest so fast…

Oliver chuckled. “Oh, I could probably say the same. I work a ton, too. So let’s say it’s a Wednesday night, and you have the entire night off to yourself. What do you choose to do?”

Why was Oliver asking me all of these questions? I felt like I was being interrogated, and though I didn’t do anything wrong, I felt guilty. My palms were sweaty; I shifted in my seat.

“Well… I used to write,” I mumbled. “I don’t do much of that anymore. Maybe I would have a nice bath, listen to some music… but then again, I’m not really a bath person…”

“Used to write, eh?” Oliver raised his eyebrows. “What happened with that?”

“It wasn’t anything fancy. I mean, I’m no bestselling author,” I laughed. “I used to write short stories for fun. I never showed anyone, though. I wrote tons of stuff in those 100-page journals you can get at the dollar store… I have them kept away in a giant tote somewhere.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Oliver said.

I shrugged. “Well… Ross happened. That’s my ex. And then… I think I got so involved in the idea of being a ‘we’, I forgot the whole concept of being a ‘me’.”

Oliver was nodding heavily, like he could really speak to that. “Yeah, yeah. I hear you. But Charlotte, now’s the time to rediscover that concept. You’re still young, you have lots of time to figure out what you want to do and who you are. The love you are looking for will be here when you get back, and you want to know something? If you take the time to do some soul searching, that love will be stronger than ever, and it will be so worth it.”

“You sound so wise,” I said. “It’s as if you’re speaking from experience.”

“I am thirty years old,” he said. “It’s not older by much- you’re what, twenty-three?- but old enough to have a little more knowledge on that topic. You’ll get there. And then you can pass that along to others.”

“You’re thirty,” I repeated. “Aren’t you looking to maybe settle down soon?”

Oliver shrugged. “I gave up on rushing myself, it was just stressing me out too much. Look, if I can wait this long, you can wait a little longer to better yourself and just focus on enjoying life.”

“But what if I’m always going to be alone?”

“That’s a foolish notion,” he said. “Work on yourself first.”