#so i have them now yayyyyy
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i am the luckiest man on this planet
#wind howls#i woke up at 8:30 and i had a zoom meeting at 8:30 and i felt horrible bc i was gonna be late BUT#i didnt have wifi anyway :) so i sent a message that i was gonna be late bc of the wifi and she was like no worries ^_^#anyway my ass got Adapted Disability Accommodations at school now thats crazy#i never asked for them before because i never felt like i was like. idk. 'disabled enough' for it ?#but these are hopefully my last 3 years of college and i have a diagnosis proper so i went who give a shit#so i have them now yayyyyy#i can take the elevator whenever AND ill get my own lone locker#though i feel bad bc i just got myself a locker mate but if my locker is in a better position ill tell her that she can just use mine#if hers is in a different building than where All our classes are then itll be far more efficient
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Since Back In The Saddle is the last ep in the EGB timeline and we never see them leave…
Bonus:
#the real ghostbusters#rgb#extreme ghostbusters#egb#ghostbusters#egon spengler#ray stantz#peter venkman#winston zeddemore#janine melnitz#there is so much stuff I put into this omg#first: rings as they are all married (illegally for now)#second: ray is wearing egon’s t-shirt from one egb episode#third: egon’s cup is pea soup green bc it’s canonically his favourite colour#fourth: they went on a trip to oklahoma to catch up#oklahoma bc that’s where summerville from the hit movie ‘gb: afterlife’ is#and I love to imagine all of them moving there later in life#kinda like egon did in the movies except together bc they deserve to be happy#egb are having a ‘I know what you are’ moment#janine is just happy for them#POLYBUSTERS YAYYYYY
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it's Sprinkle Sorting Hours!!!
#I GET TO MAKE!!! THREE PILES!#oh boy oh boy sprinkle sorting....#SHIT DO I HAVE A JAR FOR THIS??? im sure i have a tiny one somewhere#OH MY GOD I THINK THESE CAN FIT IN MY TINY COKE BOTTLE SALT SHAKER#YAYYYYY IVE BEEN WANTING TO PUT SOMETHING IN THAT THING FOR AGES!#now is its time to shine...#unless not all of the sprimkles fit... i hope they do!#photos from the bog#oh no. i dont think they will#well fuck. ill figure Something out! worse comes to worse i'll get a little jar sometime this week#and i'll Resort them!! i doubt i'd mind!#i do so enjoy making little color coded piles...
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Hyacinthus Iceberg Meme EXPLAIN (P4)
Part 1 ✿ Part 2 ✿ Part 3 ✿ Part 4 ✿ Part 5
It's time for me to answer your questions about this Hyacinthus iceberg meme. There is a lot to tackle, so I'll divide it into 5 parts for the sake of my sanity.
Quick disclaimer: I am NOT an expert in Greek mythology, just a fan of Hyacinthus who wants to learn about him and anyone related to him. Most of the things I'm about to discuss are just theories and speculations of a passerby on the Internet, so do not take them as valid facts!
The Hyacinthides (Hyacinthus' daughters)
People are yelling for answers, and I shall give them.
The Hyacinthus with four daughters sacrificed in Athens isn't Apollo's lover Hyacinthus. But the confusion is understandable because the "father" Hyacinthus is also from Lacedaemon.
"[...] the Athenians at first, in obedience to an ancient oracle, slaughtered the daughters of Hyacinthus, to wit, Antheis, Aegleis, Lytaea, and Orthaea, on the grave of Geraestus, the Cyclops; now Hyacinthuss, the father of the damsels, had come from Lacedaemon and dwelt in Athens." - Pseudo-Apollodorus, "Bibliotheca"
Another account claims that Hyacinthus (the father) killed his daughter on his own.
"Hyacinthus, a Spartan, killed Antheis his daughter according to an oracle on behalf of the Athenians." - Pseudo-Hyginus, "Fabulae"
When I first read these on Theoi.com, I thought that was that. There is another dude named Hyacinthus who lost his daughters to a human sacrifice (or sacrifice them himself). Cool!
But then I read Michael Pettersson's "Cults of Apollo at Sparta" book, and some of his analyses intrigued me.
According to Pausanias, there is an altar depicting Hyacinthus and Polyboea taken to the heavens by a parade of gods and goddesses. The Hyacinthus in this relic has a beard, which means he is a grown man by Spartan standard.
Pettersson explains the bearded Hyacinthus contrast the usual depiction of Apollo and Hyacinthus' myth because, in most versions, Hyacinthus is a youth. Pausanias also acknowledge this as he mentioned the depiction of youthful Hyacinthus.
So from there, Pettersson suggested that the young Hyacinthus and mature Hyacinthus (on the altar) should be two separated figures. I will disagree with him on this because in Pausanias' work, the altar of Hyacinthus was built under Apollo's statue, so bearded Hyacinthus has to be related to Apollo somehow, possibly still his lover.
"The pedestal of the statue [of Apollo] is fashioned into the shape of an altar and they say that Hyacinthus is buried in it, and at the Hyacinthia, before the sacrifice to Apollo, they devote offerings to Hyacinthus as to a hero into this altar through a bronze door, which is on the left of the altar." - Pausanias, "Description of Greece"
Pettersson also mentioned another version of the sacrifice of Hyacinthus' daughters. The Hyacinthides may have been the daughters of another man named Erechtheus. And Erechtheus and mature Hyacinthus may have connection with one another, though that is still up for debate.
Furthermore, Pettersson went as far as to say the mature Hyacinthus in Athens could have been the same as the Spartan Hyacinthus.
From there, he suggested that the scene of mature Hyacinthus and Polyboea on Pausanias' record isn't about a brother and sister because they might have a large generational gap (a bearded man and a virgin maiden)
And if we want by the conflation of both Hyacinthus figures, the scene of Hyacinthus and Polyboea could have been the scene of a father sacrificing his daughter.
So what does that mean?
From my non-expert opinion, Hyacinthus might have different depictions in ancient Greece, sometimes as a bearded man and others a young fellow (like how Dionysus is seen as a hairy guy and a flaming twink). As a bearded man, he has one or four daughters (the Hyacinthides), and his daughters were conflated with Erechtheus of Athens' daughters. I rule out the possibility of Polyboea being Hyacinthus' daughter because I think that is a bit of a stretch, but it's fun food for thought.
Hyacinthus and Hymenaeus
Like Hyacinthus and Erechtheus, Hyacinthus and Hymenaeus' conflation is... complicated.
If you remember part 1, I already talked about Hymenaeus as the Thessalian version of Hyacinthus. He is the son of Magnes of Magnesia and a lover of Apollo.
Another figure by the name of Hymenaeus is the god of wedding hymns and a son of Apollo and/or one of the Muses, presumably Clio.
Why did I mention Clio specifically?
Because if you remember part 1, I mentioned that one of Hyacinthus' parent is the Muse Clio and King Pierus!
These three figures (Spartan Hyacinthus, Thessalian Hyacinthus, and god Hymenaeus) all have similar parentage and some kind of relationship with Apollo.
Is this a coincidence or the result of century-long syncretism? We will never know - or, at least, not for now.
But pairing with the previous part about Hyacinthus and Erechtheus, we can see there are a handful of different depictions and counterparts of Hyacinthus outside of Sparta, so it's possible that he wasn't as obscure back in the day as many would have thought.
Hyacinthus is Persephone's male counter part
This is more of a personal headcanon than an actual discovery. I've talked about it before but there are a few things I want to add in.
First, quick run down on why Hyacinthus' death and Persephone's abduction share a few common traits:
They were Chthonic deities associated with vegetation. They were even theorized to be very ancient deities possibly outdating other partners (Hades and Apollo).
They were killed literally and figuratively by their partners. Hyacinthus was slain by a discus and Persephone was kidnapped to the Underworld.
(This is common knowledge at this point, I ain't gonna put snippets)
They represent a natural cycle. Persephone's journey to and from the Underworld brings the change of season. Hyacinthus' death and resurrection symbolizes flowers wilting under the summer heat but regrows again every year.
Now these might only be coincident and it would be a stretch to assume they are related.
But! There is another thing I've found that further convince me that Hyacinthus and Persephone could have been counterparts at some point.
Yeah, spending time in two worlds is no longer Persephone's trademark. And there's a post that analyze Hyacinthus' travel to Hyperborea that you can read for further insight.
Wikipedia said this theory came from Frederick M. Ahl's "Amber, Avallon, and Apollo's Singing Swan". I'm trying to find a PDF version of this book to confirm its legitimacy, so for know take this new knowledge with a grain of salt.
And now with the final note! This one is very interesting.
You guys remember that Demeter, Kore (Persephone), and Hades were also presence on Hyacinthus' tomb? There may be a reason as to why these three in particular were somehow connected to the Hyacinthia.
Basically, the girls in ancient Sparta would attend the Hyacinthia - a festival for a chthonic deity - like a ritual that transfer them from young girls to adult women. This tradition might have been "inspired" (for a lack of better words) by Persephone's myth, who was a maiden before the abduction and a woman after the abduction.
Pretty cool, huh?
Cult of Apollo - Hyakinthos
This is an actual research topic in the classical and archaeologist fields, and there are scholars written about it before. I won't talk much on this part because I really want you guys to check out the academic essays yourself, they are really worth the read!
Hyakinthos and Apollo of Amyklai: Identities and Cults A Reconsideration of the Written Evidence (Angeliki Petropoulou)
Hieromênia and sacrifice during the Hyakinthia (Angeliki Petropoulou)
A Companion to Greek Religion [pg 49, 212, 238] (Daniel Ogden)
Hyacinthus is a pre-Hellenic nature god
This is one of my favorite Hyacinthus theory, and it seems to be supported by scholars alike.
(Angeliki Petropoulou, "Hyakinthos and Apollo of Amyklai: Identities and Cults A Reconsideration of the Written Evidence")
But just how old is Hyacinthus' worship? Here are some theories:
(Michael Pettersson, "Cults of Apollo at Sparta")
In the section about Hyacinthus' death symbolizing the vegetation wilting, I already talked about how the myth of Apollo and Hyacinthus is an analogy for Apollo's worship taking over Hyacinthus'. You can check it out in Part 2!
The final days of the Hyacinthia festival???
So we all know what the Hyacinthia is by now, but not all of it. One of the biggest mystery of this festival is what was happening on the final days (some say that the Hyacinthia lasts for three days but others suggests it can be longer, up to nine or eleven days!)
But we can still have some guesses.
(Angeliki Petropoulou, "Hyakinthos and Apollo of Amyklai: Identities and Cults A Reconsideration of the Written Evidence")
(Hellenica World, "Hyacinthia")
I can't find many articles talking about the final days for the Hyacinthus, given that it's a mystery to both the ancient people and modern scholars. But if you do know something, I would love to hear to out!
TO BE CONTINUED
#hyacinthus#greek gods#greek deities#greek mythology#iceberg meme explain#long post#my ramblings#my theories#analysis#sorry for the suuuuuper late update on this explanation series#uni had been kicking me so i had to postpone researching Hyacinthus for a while :(((((#there so more essays i wanna include but i don't have enough time to read all of them#at least now i only have one final part left!!!!!#yayyyyy#The Pen explodes with ink
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FINISHED WATCHING MHA MOVIE 2: HEROES RISING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS SO GOOD YO HOLY FUCK I LOVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA
This was truly My Bakudeku Academia. Watching that final battle felt like a religious experience- as if I was watching the birth of Christ. Holy fuck if that really was the original ending, with Deku passing OFA to Kacchan, and the whole "Oh it actually stayed with Deku and Bkg got amnesia" didn't happen, this would have been a dramatically different story moving forward.
Horikoshi really loves Bakugou- like absolutely no question. The story following this kind of ending would be about him continuing OFA's legacy with the guilt of a thousand suns on his shoulders for "taking away" Izuku's dream. Izuku would have continued the hero course as an actual quirkless student. I would love to see aus of this being canon and continuing their story from there.
I'm guessing Nine here was supposed to be AFO, and he would basically be gone too. Katsuma is perfectly set up to be the next protagonist (I can already imagine him using Cell Regeneration as Super Regeneration- he could become invincible while also healing others. Incredibly amazing quirk).
NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT I HAD WAS ADDRESSED. THE REST OF THE CLASS ACTUALLY DO FEEL STRONG AND USEFUL AND EVERYTHING AS SHIT I LOVE IT AAAAAAAA
YES MY GIRL OCHAKO FINALLY HAS HER BIG MOMENT FLOATING SO MUCH DEBRIS!!! I'M SO HAPPY- EVEN JIRO, AOYAMA, SHOJI, TOKOYAMI AND MORE HAD LEGIT GOOD SCENES AND FIGHTS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH THEY ARE SOOO COOLLLLL THEY GENUINELY GAVE IT THEIR ALL FUCK YEAHHHHH
(note. THAT WOLF GUY CALLED SHOJI UGLY- A FELLOW HETEROMORPH, CUS HE WAS PROJECTING HIS "MONSTER" ISSUES ON HIM HOW FUCKING DARE YOUUUUU)
THEY ALSO MAKE IT ACTUALLY MAKE MORE SENSE HOW THE WHOLE CLASS IS SEPARATED ON AN ISLAND TOGETHER AS A WHOLE CLASS THIS TIME TOO (and not just half like last movie). They even managed to tie it in to AFO, the LoV, and Hero Society. Like it actually feels more grounded and reasonable why the class would be here alone with supervision.
They even add hints of Touya Todoroki with him having a short battle with Endeavor, Hawks spying in the LoV, the HSPC head cameo, and other little things too. Man I loved this fucking movie I would watch it 10 more times right now.
#THIS WAS SRSLY MY BKDK ACADEMIA#I CANT IMAGINE HOW INSANE HORIKOSHI IS FOR IMAGINING THIS AS AN OG ENDING???#CUS WTF. IZUKU GENUINELY TRUSTS BKG SO MUCH IN WANTING TO BE THE NUMBER 1 HERO HES FINE WITH HIM HAVING OFA. WHAT#BKG WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED AND WOULD DO THE SAME THING HE DID IN THE CANON ENDING NGL IF THIS HAPPENED#HE WOULD N O T LOSE IZUKU BY HIS SIDE BRO#IZUKU WOULD CONTINUE AND GRADUATE AS A LEGIT QUIRKLESS HERO EVEN EARLIER IN THE SERIES- WHAT THE FUCK LSKFJKJSD#OK IM JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY GAVE OCHAKO MORE SHIT TO FLOAT LIKE GODDAMN#SHE WORKS SO WELL WITH TSU AND SERO HELL YEAH!!! IM SURPRSIED NO ONE DRAWS THEM TOGETHER MORE AS FRIENDS!!!#(guess I'm doing that now. tsk.)#I have moved on so much from my younger years bkg hate that seeing him succeed and do shit legit makes me so fucking happy-#thATS MY WINNING FIGHTING FUCKING KINGGGGGG#and Izuku being the absolutely selfless and darling sunshine he is and being so deranged in beating this dudes ass. always beautiful.#ily sm izukuuuu#also. brief TODOIIDA YAYYYYY THEY WERE SO BACK TO BACK IN BEATING THE CHIMERA DUDE LKSFLKSJK#yes kiri and tsu were also there and were Awesome- but u can tell its these two back to back#when iida reminds shoto to prioritize saving civilians with his hand on his shoulder yeAHHH thats their THEME RIGHT THEREEE#they both learned that together from deku and now are always fighting side by side fuck yeAHHHH#ok thats enough. i fucking love these movies. idc if theyre basic big selling fight scene crap and are shallow to most ppl#i care abt these kids and this world and its fucking heroes and villains n jackshit so much#if anyone stops me from enjoying this they can go suck their own dick and crack their neck trying. ha.#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#heroes rising#bkdk#bakudeku#izuku midoriya#bakugou katsuki
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i finally have a design for my character on Haters SMP @hater-smp-official
i will eventually make a sheet with more information on them but all i really have at the moment is that their name is Lev and they use any pronouns
click for better quality
alt with the sculk assimilation that’s happening lore-wise
#yayyyyy haters smp!!!#i’m having so much fun#but i have no clue what his lore should be#i’ve had her character design for like a year and a half actually and now i can use it#and yes i will be changing pronouns every time i talk about them because fnunny#cassart#art#artists on tumblr#artwork#digital art#my art#original art#original character#my oc#haters smp
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FLY ON THE WALL 🪰
#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#YAYYYYY EPISODE 90 WE FINALLY MADE IT#THIS THUMBNAIL HAS BEEN JUST STARING ME IN THE FACE EVER SINCE IT CAME OUT#A COLD DEAD STARE BUT ANYWAY#DUKE REALIZING THEY’RE ROOMMATES PLUUUUKKKKKEEEEEE#THEY’RE ALL FUSSING OVER HIM MISFIT SQUAD SO CUTE#LENORE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR WIFE AFTER IT ALL#OMGGGGGG THE DEANS#I DID KINDA THINK WE WERE GONNA SEE THEM TODAY BUT AS LIKE A HALFHEARTED THING BUT THERE THEY AREEEEEE#GOSH THEY LOOK SO GOOD IN THIS PURPLE LIGHTING MERRY ESPECIALLYYYY DREAMLAND IN THE DAYTIME#CHAOS GREMLIN MERRY.. I MEAN HE HAS A POINT MOURN IF THIS IS A SPECTACLE TO WATCH THEN WHY NOT MAKE IT FUN#RULEBOOK FOR LESSONS!?!?!?! THAT'S NOT HOW SCHOOL WORKS BUT OK#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID TO HER I CAN'T WHY WOULD LENORE HAVE ANY REASON TO SHOOT IT MAKES NO SENSEEEEEEEE#LIKE WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT NOOO THE HEART SHAPED BLOODSTAIN GET OUT OF HERREEEEEEEEE#well now I can make a proper piece to the crane wives song the well so maybe look forward to that#WE'RE ALL ROOTING FOR THEM MERRY C'MON MOURN JOIN USSSS#NICE SOFT MOMENT BETWEEN THEM HOW WHOLESOME#THE TEA HAS SPILTTT#MONTY JUST LEAVE HIM MAYYYYBE DROP HIM OFF AT THE INFIRMARY IDK#CRAZY EPISODE LIKE WHAAAAAT
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my brother actively trying to destroy our relationship since i said i think im going to sit out the next dnd campaign
#high risk aka my mh clinic no longer thinks i have si issues#bc i havent had them in like.. 1.5 months now? (yayyyyy)#and the response from my brother is what. he WANTS me to be high risk?#tfw you have no idea what it means so you make cruel bitter comments
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video games....
#mine#i love my steam deck sooooooooo much im so happy i can actually play games again like a big proper library of them#and everything#everything on steam AND emulators is available to me. do you know how many games that is!#i started a new beegee3 playthrough on the HARDEST DIFFICULTY (!) today. which is also a single-save difficulty#and im in one of the most difficult parts of the game right now (level 4) and kind of nervous lol#but at the same time im really proud of myself for learning the game to the point i feel comfortable challenging myself in it#and im happy i get to at all :D i love you video games#and sooner or later ill come back to stardew valley cause there was that big update and i have some games on my wishlist too#and its not verified yet but i might play that pomeranian making the house dirty game cause it looked cute#oh and yakuza also because my friend got two of the yakuzas for me#YAYYYYY GAMES#also kind of sad though because tomorrow i pack and sunday i go back for babys last quarter of college#and im worried about how busy its going to be with classes and job apps and then of course actually graduating#and moving out and haivng a job and stuff#when all i want is to enjoy being able to play video games again.... sig#sigh*#WHATEVER...future mes problem#oh i almost forgot...one of the best parts of the deck imo is the versatility because with games like beegee3#you can play it in controller mode which has its pros and cons but you can also swap to computer mode#which also has its pros and cons so like. i can adjust as needed#when im just exploring or trying to loot an area etc i go controller#but when im in combat i go computer because the hotbar is REALLY helpful for decision making#its really nice to have the option to choose since no console players have that it seems#and the only pc players who can do that are the ones who have and are willing to connect controllers#and most of them dont seem to be into that#but im really glad to be able to do both#ok done yapping now
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Delivery day!!!!!!!
#my comic and zine and wooden pin arrived from the uk#i would be so powerful if i could get stuff like this from the us too. but alas customs and fees not going through that again#but yeah i was just thinking yesterday about how it's been a while since i ordered them. so yay!#they already look sooooo cool can't wait to read them#when you get a personalised note from the seller along with the order 💗💗 ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )#plus there's just something so nice about having something from smaller artists. feels personal and sort of unique!#because it really is both of those things when you think about it#all of the mini-comics and zines i own now i have acquired over the past couple of months#still getting used to the fact that 1) i'm an adult 2) i have some money of my own that i got from freelancing for a while#and can therefore buy whatever stuff i want if i wish so really#but speaking of zines its even cooler when one of them has your own art in it!!!!!#this is such a huge thing really. if there's one thing that made studying at this other university for one semester worth it in the end#it's the long trail of events that led to me learning about this project and then actually deciding to participate!! and getting accepted!!#anyway. my piece is a short comic based on the lyrics of eaten of the monster of love and it's my favourite thing i've ever made possibly#ok sorry for the ramble. my point is.#yayyyy getting a delivery and yayyyyy surrounding yourself with things you like and that inspire you. so cool#goosepost
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also i finally focused a bit more on my combat setup. went back to 2/4 necron and 1/4 maxor since they added the shadow assassin cloak so i have the speed i want with just the boots (i used 2/4 maxor just bc 1/4 wasnt fast enough for me to do what i wanted) and i recombed my pants
my damage went up slightly
#i think the main thing holding me back was that my equipment SUCKED jfkhg#now there's actually special dungeon equipment tho yayyyyy#i also did not have a good 1:1 strength/crit in dungeons so i fixed that#and it should be more 1:1 when the dragon levels up bc now im a bit behind in strength#im also gonna put the juju back to spiritual and put my waxed gear piece to strengthened#bc that'll give me all the crit chance i need#yippeeeeeeeee look im doing better im not good at combat so an 11m difference is insane to me lmao#im almost cata 30 wahoo#had so much fun grinding f5 with friends yesterday#(had to get one of them leveled up so we can do f6)#maybe. MAYBE one day this little group can do f7#we gotta at least try jkhfg#chat#sb
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managed to cure my hiccups by slowing my breathing down to a crawl thank you years of practice by wanting to be good at hide and seek
#for context in what I mean. growing up I'd hide under my sister's clothes on the flooe of her closet for hide and seek#because she'd always have clothes on the floor. so I'd hide underneath them. and you can't really hide if your breathing is super obvious#so I learned how to breathe incredibly slowly and by making the most minimal minimal movement while breathing#while in a tight confined space. and now I used that training to cure my hiccups yayyyyy
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and it is a sunday once again.. my collection grows
#just me hi#i've lived 951 sundays now :D#what a pleasant number#not one i would like usually but it's a lot (to me) !! oo one day i'll have a thousand !!! :DD#//i'm learning to read again and it has been fun#or. mostly hfvhs - my dad means the best i know he does but i do not like the way he is trying fhsvh#he gives me books when i've just started and then asks me stuff while i'm in the middle of them#which sounds fine but i have a dumb brain and i don't think anybody wants to hear a disjointed ramble on why this and that and who and why#hfhsh#which is yea mostly dumb brain talking but let me at least get it in order hbvfhs#/sigh. i miss my little fiction books from when i was little lol#chisholm trail mothertrucker... i hate you so much why do i know your birthday lmaooo.... (1867)#//anywaYs i've got the p1nk space in my brain again which is niiiiice#not like the usual rabies kind but the kind where i'm staring into the abyss and taking turns rotating each character very slowly in my min#you get what i mean you get it 🤝#//anyway tomorrow will be my 951st monday!! how neat :D#this whole week is a 951st actually hfbvhs#i'm just kind of happy about the individual days thing lol :>>#/on my way rn though!! cheers ~✧ !!#(i have sweet teeeeeeeea Yayyyyy :D)
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also btw my favorite professor is leavi ng next week and i thougut i was gonna get to say goodbye to her on her last day (next monday) and i put off reaching out to her and buying her a present and everything bc it is um. Too painful to accept that she’s about to leave and i put it off bc i couldn’t bear it. but i finally emailed her today and she won’t be available on monday after all she’s only available tomorrow and i don’t have a present or anythi ng for her and im not emotionally ready to say goodbye like im taking off friday and i was gonna use the three day weekend to prep and brace myself and now i have to do it tomorrow and i don’t have anything to give her and can’t go o it and buy anything bc i can’t drive and i have therapy and even if i could get a ride the stores will be closed by the time im done bc we had to schedule it late today. i can’t fucking take itttttt
#purrs#i can’t accept that she’s leaving and i have to write her a card at the very least. and i can’t accept it and the goodbye is going to be so#awkward. and it’s been SO hard not being able to talk to her abt **** leaving last july like she’s one of the ppl i would go to for that#and she’s like one of the only people on campus who understands me and gets how i react to things and speaks my emotional language. and i ha#haven’t been able to go to her bc she’s leaving too and so immediately all that convo is off the table. and it has KILLED me. and now she’s#about to leave and i have no more women mentors left on campus not even a full year into my new job during the time in my life where ihave m#most needed women mentors. yayyyyy 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#literally the way at this time last year i had 2 and now i have ZERO because they both fucking left. if you’d told me that a year ago i w#would’ve shriveled up and died. and here i am in the FAKE future where they are both gone / leaving and i am miserable and in hell. and i ha#have to… omg not o say this not to namedrop. but i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see. but i needed them to stick around longer s#so i could absorb. more of them and figure out how to be me too. bc they help make me.. me. and now they’re both gone…….. LOL!#delete later
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Chapter 7 is fully written! 2.4k words and it just needs to be edited before posting tomorrow!
#behind the writer#yayyyyy#it's not my favorite chapter so far#but it works#this one and the next are a little bit filler#aka not much plot stuff happens but i just got to have them now because they're building up the world and stuff for later#passage of time is hard and all#but there is stuff that happens in this chapter#it's just not thrilling or anything#hopefully people like it#anyways this is very long and rambling and i'm going to sleep now
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so many moments in my life where i think "if i wasn't medicated i would not be able to sleep. this mistake would eat me alive" and it's about a typo on a tumblr dot com post
#for so long i couldn't commit to physical arts because irreversible mistakes scared me so much#im better now tho yayyyyy❤️❤️❤️ i dont care if my warhammer minis have crusty glue on them❤️
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