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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 4 years ago

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jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

#love lessons #jacqueline wilson #teacher #teacher crush #teacher x student #anti ezria #ezria #pretty little liars #aria montgomery #ezra fitz #when i kissed the teacher #book review #books

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enneagramwingmiranda · 5 years ago

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Parks and Recreation: The actual enneagram types of Leslie, Ron, Tom, April, Andy, Donna, Ben, Chris, and Jerry

The Protagonist: Leslie Knope [Type 3]

“I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.”

Enneagram Wing: 3w2 (Achiever along with a helper)

"I care. I care a lot. It's kinda my thing."

Core Fear: Being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful

Core Desire: Having high status and respect, being admired, successful, and valuable

Leslie feels her purpose is to make the world a better place, specifically Pawnee, since this is the place she holds dear to her heart and is the most reachable for her. Her identity is defined by her work and her drive and passion are what allow her to continue to move up the latter. She takes rejection and set backs hard, however, she always gets back up and continues to move forward to reach her goals. Her influence shapes the hearts and minds of her coworkers. She inspires them to be better people and to find what they are meant to do in life and do it. Along with her go-getter attitude, she goes above and beyond for her friends (2) and they greatly appreciate her care and efforts. As for her childhood wound, she has described her mother as cold and withholding so we can only assume that she received praise and attention only from the achievements she made. Her mother also works in government and only respects those with an assertive and dominant presence.

The Sensible Friend: Ann Perkins [Type 6]

“As Leslie’s maid of honor, I really need her bachelorette party to go well, which is why I’m stress eating gummy penises.”

Enneagram wing: 6w7 (Loyalist along with an enthusiast)

“I’m putting myself out there, meeting some new people, having some causal fun, and it’s awkward.”

Core Fear: Fearing fear itself, being without support, security, or guidance; being blamed, targeted, alone, or physically abandoned

Core Desire: Having security, guidance, and support

Ann is by far the most sensible character. She is the person everyone knows they can rely on. Andy unfortunately took advantage of this quality resulting in her becoming his caretaker rather than remaining an equal. Leslie appreciates her sensibility and this is what makes them such great friends. However, Leslie can trigger Ann’s already existing anxiety from her high expectations and good intentioned pushy behavior. Another side of the coin of is her fear of ending up alone. She is constantly dating and even settles a few times to avoid loneliness. It is when she takes the time to be single and soothes this fear that she and Chris end up together. Ann also has an adventurous streak. She likes to go out and have a good time. She just sometimes needs a little push from Chris, Leslie, or Donna.

The True Introvert: Ron Swanson [Type 5]

“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”

Enneagram wing: 5w4|5w6 (Balanced)

“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

Core Fear: Being annihilated, invaded, or not existing; being thought incapable or ignorant; having obligations placed upon you or your energy being completely depleted

Core Desire: Being capable and competent

Ron is an intellect, constantly going off on philosophical tangents about the corrupt ways of government, effective life hacks, and flawed human nature. He believes there is only one way to do things and his ways of going about things are very unique to himself (4). He is a non-conformist. He loves learning new things and adding to his craft. He is a breakfast and wood enthusiast. Ron is quite guarded and withdrawn from the world and prefers this. His childhood wound is that his mother was intrusive and over-controlling so we can assume he felt exposed and defenseless. This followed Ron in adulthood as he had many toxic relationships with women similar to her. Thus, Ron feels he is best served to live in isolation and fend for himself, as well as, rely on cerebral means rather than emotional means. Ron demonstrates his wing 6 with his desire to be safe and have security.

The Entrepreneur: Tom Haverford [Type 3]

“At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.

Enneagram wing: 3w4 (Achiever along with an individualist)

“��Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cacc.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”

Core Fear: Being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful

Core Desire: Having high status and respect, being admired, successful, and valuable

Tom measures his entire worth from his successes and failures. He is extremely creative and is constantly coming up with unique ideas to form a successful business.

The Misanthrope: April Ludgate [Type 4]

“I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree.”

Enneagram wing: 4w5 (Individualist along with investigator)

“If you ever speak me to me in Spanish please use the formal “usted”.

Core Fear: Being inadequate, emotionally cut off, plain, mundane, defective, flawed, or insignificant

Core Desire: Being unique, special, and authentic

April portrays major apathy but it’s clearly done to hide her genuine care and insecurity. She wants to be unique and special, thus overdoing it with her quirky, odd, eccentric, nonconformist talk and lifestyle. Her speech and way of behaving is an oxymoron. She deep down wants what everyone else wants: real love, real friendship, and a successful career. As she grows up and matures, she moves further away from her exaggerated dark persona to a normal expressive, mature adult. However, she adds in whatever she needs to to maintain her individuality. April also values cerebral pursuits shown in her getting accepted to an exceptional veterinary school. Her wing 5 is what helps her identify with so much with Ron.

The Charming Goofball: Andy Dwyer [Type 9]

“It’s fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired.”

Enneagram wing: 9w8 (Peacemaker along with the challenger)

“I’m not crying. I’m just allergic to jerks!”

Core Fear: Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind

The epitome of Andy’s character is his easy-going nature. He is also very caring and thoughtful. He rarely ever voices if anything is bothering him and we see him go through great lengths to end any conflict between he and April. He attempts to make things right with Ann after their break up but doesn’t succeed. Andy possess a child-like mindset and view of the world and this is what seems to serve as a coping skill for the trials and tribulations of life. This also makes him endearing and what makes him perfect for April as she holds a similar mentality.

The Nerd: Ben Wyatt [Type 1]

“I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it’s going to bug me if I don’t.”

Enneagram wing: 1w9 (Reformer along with peacemaker)

“Stick to the list and you’ll do great. I have total faith in you... (there’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die.)”

Core Fear: Being wrong, bad, evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible

Core Desire: Having integrity, being good, balanced, accurate, virtuous, and right

Ben is straightforward and willing to tell the truth, even if it could offend someone. He likes things to be in order. He often feels like the odd one out in the parks department because he values principles and professionalism while his colleagues behave inappropriately. He admires Leslie for her quirky professionalism. Ben also desires a peaceful environment and will keep quiet about things bothering him resulting in passive aggressive behavior.

The Optimist: Chris Traeger [Type 7]

“The world is my gymnasium, Ron.”

Enneagram wing: 7w6 (Enthusiast along with loyalist)

“I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I’m going to do.”

Core Fear: Being deprived, trapped in emotional pain, limited, or bored; missing out on something fun

Core Desire: Being happy, fully satisfied, and content

Chris is extremely positive all the time to cover up his true inner turmoil. He had a tough childhood and coped with the trauma by avoiding the negative emotions and putting his focus on his health. Thus he became a health nut. In the field of clinical psychology, he would most likely be diagnosed with orthorexia. Chris has a lot of anxiety about life and desires to feel a sense of safety in his life and relationships, thus making him fall into the wing 6. He desires the guidance and support from others (he started seeing a counselor 5 times a week during his depressive episode).

The Minx: Donna Meagle [Type 8]

“You better watch yourself.”

Enneagram wing: 8w7 (Challenger along with enthusiast)

“Treat yourself.”

Core Fear: Being weak, powerless, harmed, controlled, vulnerable, manipulated, and left at the mercy of injustice

Core Desire: Protecting yourself and those in your inner circle

Donna is the epitome of “an independent black woman who don’t need no man.” She essentially dos onto others what she fears they will do onto her. Thus, she manipulates and abuses vulnerable men to get what she wants and then leaves them. We can assume that something happened in her childhood that resulted in this relationship pattern. She discusses her grandma dying while having a threesome so this behavior was certainly model for her. She falls on the 7 wing for her enjoyment of life's greatest pleasures.

The Target: Jerry Gergich [Type 9]

“So I go by Terry now. They already had a Larry in the Parks department, and they suggested that they change my name to Terry. I told them my real name was Garry, and they said ‘who cares?’ What a fun bunch of guys.”

Enneagram wing: 9w1 (Peacemaker along with reformer)

“Well, you know it's like I always say 'it ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice.”

Core Fear: Being in conflict, tension, or discord; feeling shut out and overlooked; losing connection and relationship with others

Core Desire: Having inner stability and peace of mind

Jerry is clearly a peacemaker in that he keeps his mouth shut despite his constant abuse from his colleagues at the parks department. He identifies with Andy in that Tom was trying to dub him as the new office target due to his similar easygoing nature and clumsiness. He shows that he is a wing 1 in his values of goodness and morality.

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jemej3m · 5 years ago

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part 2 to the assassin au! here’s p1 <<<333

warnings for panic attacks and neil plotting to kill kevin lol

Neil slid into the booth opposite a nondescript man reading the newspaper in his business suit, briefcase by his feet. That briefcase would hold only a gun and the list of Neil’s wrongdoings. He folded the newspaper down in favour of looking to Neil with a blank expression.

Ichirou was not pleased. And it did not do well to displease a Moriyama.

“Kevin Day is alive.”

“Yes.” Neil agreed.

“My father is dying.” Ichirou hissed. “The title of Lord will be passed down to me in a matter of months. I cannot risk such a liability, Nathaniel.”

Neil winced. “It is proving more difficult than anticipated. He has surrounded himself with vigilant protection at all times. I need more time.”

“Do not forget your place, Wesninski.” Ichirou snapped. “Get out of my sight.”

Neil didn’t need to be told twice and did just that.

He felt as though he was holding his breath all the way until he’d arrived back at his apartment. His hands fumbled for the keys, teeth grinding as he tried to unlock his door.

“Josten,” Came a familiar voice. Neil glanced over his shoulder. Andrew had a slight furrow between his brow, dressed casually with black frames balanced on his nose. “Are you alright?” Neil didn’t know Minyard wore glasses.

Concern.

“Quite fine.” Neil answered, shoving his key into the lock. “Just regretting every decision I’ve ever made that landed me in the position I’m in today.”

“Sounds fine.” Andrew answered.

Neil just shook his head, opening the door.

“Josten -” Minyard hesitated. Neil looked back at him: He scowled. “For fuck’s sake. Just come in.”

That was how Neil found himself sitting on Andrew’s couch, the knitting throw over his knees with a cup of herbal tea.

“You didn’t strike me as a tea drinker.” Neil offered, as Andrew sat down on a beanbag. They were all adults here.

“Kevin gets stressed.” He muttered, sipping on his own mug. Steam rose and fogged his glasses.

“I’ve never seen you wear frames before.” Neil noted. “Do you wear contacts usually?”

“I need them to see, Josten, so yes. It doesn’t bode well for a bodyguard to have a physical ailment that can be exploited.”

No, thought Neil, plans ticking over in his mind. It doesn’t.

“Are you going to keep looking at me like I’m some alien, or are you going to explain why you’re on the verge of a panic attack?”

Neil blinked. “What? No, I’m fine.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not sure you know what that means.”

“Just some altercations at -” Neil smiled hesitantly. “At work.”

Andrew settled further into his beanbag, watching Neil over the rim of his glasses. Why did Neil feel like Andrew could see right through him? Why did he feel so vulnerable? There was no way this man could know anything about who he truly was, not when he was so careful.

Neil should get rid of him too. He was probably just as much of a liability to Ichirou’s position as Kevin was: The two had been friends since college, since Kevin had run from Riko in the first place.

Neil had to get rid of Andrew. He had to. I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a choice.

The mug clattered onto the floor, hot tea seeping into his shoes and the handle shattering upon impact.

“I -” Neil leapt to his feet, horrified at his loss of composure. Neil had killed before. What was another man and his bodyguard? What had changed? “I’m sorry, I -”

Andrew wasn’t pleased. “Relax. Go home and fucking - take a bath, or something. You need to chill out.”

Neil nodded weakly, wrapping his arms around his waist and rushing for the door. He couldn’t look back at the other man. It was the understanding that he offered in the corner of his eye. He wasn’t disgusted by Neil’s scars. He wasn’t put-off by Neil’s seemingly unfavourable job. He kept coming onto the balcony, time and time again, sharing quiet moments alongside Neil and answering Neil’s questions whilst offering his own questions in return.

Neil had posed as someone else to grow intimate enough with someone’s situation to kill them cleanly plenty of times. He’d just never gotten so...

Attached.

He slammed his fists onto the tiles of his shower. For a moment he saw blood pooling in his fists, the way that it tended to rest when he washed himself off from returning from a job.

This couldn’t last. He wouldn’t let it.

“My father was killed in prison.” Neil said, looking out to the sunrise as it blessed the easterly planes of New York City’s sky-rises. “So why the fuck does his ghost still haunt me?”

Andrew took a drag of his smoke. “Attempting to control your own mind will result in you running in circles.”

“I wanted him dead for so long.” He muttered. “But now that he is, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Andrew could understand that. When Aaron bashed Drake’s skull in, when Andrew strangled Proust, it was a moment of clarity: He would forever be free from the horrors they brought with them.

But with their departure came an open space, ready to be occupied by the next man who would try and take advantage of Andrew’s vulnerabilities.

“I killed the man who abused me whilst I was in rehab. I’m subconsciously waiting for someone to come and take his place, like it’s a job opening.” He flicked his cigarette butt over the railing. “There’s no reason why we think and behave the way we do. It’s just ingrained into us.”

He could feel Neil looking at him, gaze drilling into his cheek. He turned his head slowly, meeting Neil’s gaze.

It wasn’t pity. Or fear. It was just pure, unadulterated understanding.

The weight pressing onto Andrew’s chest eased, just a little bit.

Andrew was growing hedgier. Kevin and Thea’s wedding was fast approaching, and the needless press and public appearances had his head spinning. He wasn’t even the one being interviewed.

He was still no closer to figuring out who’d been in their apartment, and how, but Andrew would sleep with one eye open until he’d resolved this mess. He was sure someone was on their tail. Betsy insisted he was being overly paranoid, and demonstrated it was proof that he take some form of break from watching over Kevin, but it wasn’t like Andrew could up and leave. He’d come back and Kevin would be half-pulled into a drain with both of his hands run over by military tanks.

He worked grooves into the carpets. He’d set up cameras around the flat and building that only he had access to and controlled all the access points. It didn’t make him sleep any easier. He wanted to move houses. Kevin thought he was crazy.

Andrew knew he wasn’t crazy. He was perceptive, not crazy.

So, whilst he was pissed off about it, he wasn’t surprised when he got the call.

“You’re going to keep Day in his apartment. You’re not going to call the police. Do as I say and no one gets hurt.”

Andrew ground his teeth. There was only one party who could be responsible for this, and where the Moriyamas were involved, someone always got hurt.

Andrew kept Kevin in his room, walking out onto the balcony. With the three-foot gap between their railings, it was easy to chuck a pen around the corner to Neil’s sliding doors.

The man appeared, bemused and probably tired from a long Friday evening. “Andrew?”

Andrew hated him. Hated the quick to his eyebrows that Andrew noticed when Neil looked at him. “Look after Day. I’m going to hideout for this freaky fucking stalker.”

Neil blinked. “Did I miss something?”

“Weird shit around the place.” Andrew said dismissively. “Always."

“You’re going to have provide me some context, Minyard.” Neil challenged, crossing his arms.

Andrew grit his teeth and looked at the man. Why he trusted Neil was beyond him. He was still not sick of Neil’s inquisitive gaze: He wasn’t bored by his careful questions. Neil had traded quiet truths about hating his work and predispositions set by his family over cigarettes and mugs of coffee. Andrew knew he liked fruit and going for jogs and Exy. Neil, in return, knew Andrew had an awful sweet-tooth, a deliberating fear of heights, knife sheaths in his armbands, and that Andrew had gone to prison when he was younger.

Small, banal things, shared like golden artefacts between hesitant hands.

And yeah, the sexual attraction had been foremost and obvious, but it had dulled into something else. Something Andrew didn’t really understand. He wanted to kiss the slight frown off his lips and see if his curls would really fall through his fingers like he dreamed they would.

No, he thought. That was not a productive line of thinking.

“Kevin is in danger.” He said lowly. “Keep him in your flat. Watch over him.”

Neil nodded.

“Give me your number.”

“This isn’t how I imagined you asking me for my details, but I’ll take what I’ll get.” Neil grinned softly.

Andrew knew his ears were going red for no god-damned reason. He simply served Neil a flat glare and left him standing on the balcony.

“Climb from our balcony to Neil’s. You’ll hide in there until this blows over.” Andrew said, re-tying his shoelaces and checking his knives were in their sheaths.

Kevin sent him a startled look. “Who’s Neil?”

Andrew ground his teeth. “Next door neighbour.”

“Thea -”

“I’ll text her. Leave your phone with me: They could be tracking it.”

He supervised Kevin clambering across between the two railings with a slight race to his heart rate. Neil knew and understood, putting out his hands.

“It’ll be alright.” Neil said quietly. “I’ve got him. Go do what you need to do.”

Andrew nodded. He supposed thanks would be in order, but he wasn’t a thankful guy, and Neil didn’t strike him as someone who needed verbal cues to understand.

He crouched on the inside of Kevin’s room, right by the door with a knife at the ready.

Sure enough, heavy footsteps echoed around the apartment. Andrew held his breath, taking out his phone.

new message to: neil

someone’s in the apartment.

from: neil

where are you?

to: neil

in kevin’s room. waiting for them to come in so i can subdue them.

from: neil

i could take kevin away whilst they’re in the apartment. they wont be keeping an eye on cameras and i’ll disguise kevin to avoid any backup around place.

Andrew frowned.

to: neil

and if you’re attacked?

from: neil

i know you’ve seen the scars. i’m more well versed with this kind of stuff than you think.

Andrew pursed his lips. Neil’s multi-faceted nature had him going in circles, time and time again. He was unsolvable. Having Kevin out of the building would be optimal, but it would require Andrew placing a hell of a lot of trust in Neil. Trust he wouldn’t allow on anyone other than himself.

to: neil

you’d better make sure he stays in one piece.

from: neil

on it.

Andrew breathed a little easier, pocketing his phone.

The footsteps continued. He heard his bedroom door be tested: The attacker obviously tried to pick his lock and was unable to. It was an electronic deadbolt that Andrew could control from the outside on the one and only remote.

Andrew took a deep breath and stood at the ready.

The footsteps didn’t even approach Kevin’s bedroom, turning away immediately and continuing back to the living room.

Odd. They surely would check the room of their desired victim to see if he was there. After a few moments of quiet, Andrew slowly unlocked the door. Element of surprise be damned: He’d fucking get this person if it was the last thing he did. He had a promise to Kevin. He’d fulfill it.

There was no one there. They must have slipped out of the front door, silently, as Andrew slipped out of Kevin’s room. Andrew lowered his knife and grit his teeth. What was this fucker’s game?

He pulled out his phone. Neil had texted him.

from: neil

nothing encountered on the way to the garage. driving now. will text you when secure.

He didn’t want to text Neil to tell him to come back if that was what the assailant was waiting for. Instead, he rummaged for Kevin’s phone and made a call.

“Hello?” Jean’s voice was familiar. He hadn’t escaped the Moriyamas for years after Kevin had, being inducted into the main branch after Ichirou murdered Riko. He’d worked out of his debt, becoming a coveted Exy star in southern California. Andrew hadn’t spoken to him in years, but it was the only man who’d been exposed to the inner working of the Moriyamas.

“Someone is trying to kill Kevin. What do you know?”

“I haven’t been involved in you-know-who’s business in years, Andrew.” Jean countered.

“You still know more than we do.” Andrew countered. “Why now?”

Jean was quiet for a moment. It sounded like he was getting out of bed, walking into an adjacent room. His voice was low, the French accent pronounced when he talked this fast.

“Kengo is dying. Illness that they just can’t resolve. Ichirou would be eliminating any loose ends in anticipation of the change-over.”

Andrew grit his teeth. “Who would he send?”

“I can only think of one man.” Jean mused. “He has a highly trained assassin who takes care of such public and convoluted matters. I met him once and it was enough. That was after years of working with the main family.”

Andrew waited for Jean to continue. It took Jean a moment.

“Nathaniel Wesninski, is his name.” He said, voice so quiet it was difficult to hear. “Kengo’s Butcher had a son, who became Ichirou’s most powerful weapon.”

“What does he look like?”

“He’s unmissable, really. Not great for an assassin. Short, red curls, blue eyes. He always wears clothes to cover the markings left by his father, but his scars are truly awful. Some are even visible through shirts pale or tight enough.”

Andrew’s stomach bottomed out. He hung up on Jean and closed his eyes.

Fuck.

He couldn’t tell Neil he knew who he was. He had to find them before Neil could slit Kevin’s throat and dispose of his body so thoroughly that he’d never be found again. Andrew had made an enormous mistake in trusting that man: It was the least he could do to get Kevin out of his own mistakes.

to: neil

still driving?

from: neil

secure now. got the guy?

Andrew shook his head.

to: neil

yeah. police are coming now. i’m on my way.

from: neil

right. good. see you soon.

Andrew needed to find out where this signal was coming from and fast. He was running against a clock that had ticked into over-time eons ago. In the midst of uploading the IP address into a program on his laptop, his phone began ringing.

Renee.

“Why is Jean telling me to keep an eye on you, Andrew? What have you done?”

Andrew ground his teeth together. His jaw ached with the tension in his neck. “I may or may not have let Kevin go galavanting off with an assassin charged to kill him. I’m working on it.”

“Oh, good lord.” Renee murmured. “I’m - nowhere near you. How can I help?”

“I’ll handle it.” He insisted.

He heard Renee’s sad smile over the phone-line and wished she were here to spar with him. He really needed to punch something. “Whoever claims you’re heartless is a jealous liar. Call me soon, alright? Be careful.”

He hung up on her. He didn’t need her self-love preaching bullshit. He needed to concentrate.

A signal rung out from fifteen minutes ago, pinging a tower in the industrial sector of upper New York. It was too close to the rich estates of business tycoons that Andrew knew housed the Moriyamas for his liking, so he collected his coat and car keys.

His phone began to ring. neil flashed across the top of his screen and he gripped the phone, anger rippling across his skin in hot flashes.

He hated being taken advantage of. This was exactly why trust never came easily to him, and he should have fucking known better.

He answered the phone and grit out “You’d better have a good explanation for this, Wesninski.”

“Andrew,” Kevin breathed. “It’s me. It’s me. I’m fine. I’m alive.”

Andrew covered his eyes with his hand. “Where are you? What’s happening?”

“Neil drove me to this warehouse and cuffed me to a pipe in the corner before I could fight him. Then he looked at me for like five minutes, yelled fuck at the top of his voice and threw a tarp over me and told me not to move or he’d shoot me. I heard voices and cars and gunshots: When everything was quiet I threw the tarp off. Neil is gone, but a bunch of men are bleeding out here. Moriyama men. They’ve got M’s on their knuckles, I - I think Neil’s gone rogue or something.”

Andrew let out a muffled sigh of relief. “Stay where you are. Hide under the tarp. I’m coming.”

Kevin and Thea sat to Andrew’s right. They all perched on the edge of the couch, watching the news.

“Business man Kengo Moriyama died this morning before police could glean a statement regarding his son’s involvement in the mass shooting at a Moriyama leased warehouse on the outskirts of New York City two months ago. FBI’s Chief Wymack and his team have found evidence of premeditated murders at Ichirou’s hand, including that of the supposed suicide of his brother Riko Moriyama approximately seven years ago. Encrypted video evidence has been provided from anonymous sources that police refuse to disclose. Ichirou Moriyama and many of his closest affiliates are in custody, charged with extortion, theft, tax-evasion and money laundering, involvement in trafficking circles and many cold homicide and disappearance cases.

More has been uncovered about the Moriyama business, including that of Nathan Wesninski’s true identity as Baltimore’s infamous serial killer, the Butcher, with evidence showing that Wesninski and Moriyama were heavily involved business partners...”

“Turn this shit off.” Thea muttered, nudging Kevin’s shoulder.

Kevin sighed, rubbing his eye. “I just can’t believe they’ve been so neatly backed into a corner. I never thought they’d be successfully prosecuted.”

“There’s no way they’re getting out of this, now.” Thea reminisced. “Someone pretty close to Ichirou must have turned over a new leaf.”

Andrew said nothing, keeping his hands clasped together over his mouth.

Kevin looked at him and sighed. Andrew still hadn’t forgiven himself over the Neil/Nathaniel mess and anything to do with the Moriyamas lured him into a quiet, volatile state of mind. “I’ll get Indian takeout.”

Thea answered the door forty minutes later, and a familiar voice echoed from the hallway. Andrew was on his feet in an instant.

Neil looked a little sheepish. There was an enormous scar curving from his eye down to his jaw and burns covering his other cheek in a careless pattern. He held out the food.

“Beef and chicken korma?”

“What the fuck do you want?” Andrew asked, brandishing his knife. Thea looked between them, baffled. “Did you kill the take out guy?”

Neil shrugged. “I’ve been granted immunity by the FBI. Only took six weeks and needless wading through bureaucracy, but I’m free now. And no, I didn’t kill the take out guy.”

“I’m going to leave,” Thea murmured, taking the take-out from Neil’s hands and shuffling further inside.

“Why are you here?” Andrew stepped closer, holding the knife closer to Neil’s throat. “You should have known better than to show your face after everything.”

Neil put up his hands. “I know. But I didn’t actually kill him, did I?”

“Congratulations.” Andrew snapped, sour. “Would you like a fucking sticker? A certificate?”

Neil’s lips quirked into a sad smile. “I grew too attached. The idea of hurting him - or you - was intolerable. I’m a terrible assassin, I know. I just wanted to make sure you’re all okay. I’m sure I’ve helped the FBI lock up all the potential Moriyama trouble-makers, but I’m forever paranoid.”

Andrew looked at him.

He shrugged awkwardly. “Seems like you’re fine. I’d best get going.”

He turned around and took a few steps towards the elevator.

“Wesninski,” Andrew called, against his better judgment.

Neil winced. “I changed my name. Legally. It’s Neil Josten, now.”

“Josten.” He amended. “Come in for dinner.”

Neil looked at him, unsure. “Kevin won’t shit himself?”

Andrew shrugged. “It’ll be amusing.”

Neil looked at his feet before letting himself smile, just a little bit. Andrew still wanted to kiss it off his lips.

“Make the wrong move and I’ll kill you.” Andrew murmured into Neil’s ear as he stepped through the threshold of Andrew’s apartment.

“Undoubtedly.” Neil said easily. “I’d let you.”

“Idiot.” Andrew growled.

The glitter returned to Josten’s eye, and Andrew decided then and there: It was a terrible decision, and Josten was a terrible man, but their jagged edges fit together without unsure gaps and abrasive overlaps.

“Did I read your cues wrong, or do you actually want to kiss me? Because I can understand why you’d be a little conflicted, and I was never sure if I was projecting my own confusion and doubt onto you and hoping you felt the same -”

Andrew shoved a kiss against the corner of Neil’s lips, pulling back just as quickly as he’d leaned forward and surveying Neil’s old t-shirt and ratty jeans with distaste. “You truly are bad at your job.”

Neil grinned.

(why did i write 6k for this stupid idea lmao its such a mess)

#andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #assassin!neil #bodyguard!andrew #sorry if they're ooc technically its like a few years post college #idek man #enjoy #jem writes

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hannawolfcrosswarning · 5 years ago

Text

Warning about hannawolfcross / spareusallanotheryear / caseclosededogawa

During 2012, when I was 17, Erin/Hanna was involved in a long distance romantic and sexual relationship with me. We met on deviantart, and most of our interactions were on there, but were lost with my account. We roleplayed sex/romance between two characters I loved at the time, and she made several comments about wanting to marry me, date me, and/or be involved with me in some way or another. When we became involved, she was, based on my math, 26/27. Proof of her age from an ask sent to her in 2016 that I found

Though most of the conversations between us are gone from my facebook and deviantart, there are a few hints on her main rp blog. Below are conversations we had publicly in 2012, when I was 17, turning 18 the summer of that year.

(a discussion about my lack of interest in sex, and her admitting she was sexually interested in me)

(something she tagged me in, my deadname is blocked out. After enough sexual hints and passes from her, I asked her about sexting because I thought it was the obvious and necessary step we should make, and it seemed to be something she really wanted. We did this twice.)

A discussion regarding me moving in when I turn 18, something we talked about quite a bit, because I was in an abusive home situation and desperate for an escape.

She knew I was only 17, and that I was still in high school during the entirety of our relationship. She was a married woman at that time, and although her husband was aware of our relationship, it still doesn’t take away from the fact there was a huge difference between life and relationship experience between us. Here is her admitting her plans in an ask reply after our eventual falling out.

(unrelated to our relationship, but little snippets of roleplaying where her character was temporarily a child, and still expressing sexual interest for the character he was in a relationship with)

(and another instance where he was a 16 year old, and sexual roleplay still went down with another person, with the theme of his virginity being taken by an “older” and gentle man)

(While not as serious as what went down with us, little things like this popped up with her character from time to time and it was just more proof she had no negative opinion about teenagers and adults being involved)

I will openly admit I was not easy to be with back then, I was a confused and angry/desperate teenager with absolutely zero knowledge on how to be in a decent relationship. I was needy, immature, and bratty. And I was prone to lashing out, pushing adults past their limit, and trying to purposely upset them so they treated me how I thought I deserved and needed to be treated. The string of adults I allowed to romantically chase me as a kid is proof of that. Unchecked disorders and trauma played a huge part, but it’s a reason, not an excuse. I was emotionally/mentally immature.

I did a lot of things I regret in that relationship, I was a mess and a toxic handful. It really truly didn’t help that the maturity between us was seven years apart, and I wasn’t aware of that difference or why it mattered. A high school kid trying to be in a serious relationship with a married adult will never turn out right, it’s never good, but I lacked the knowledge to know that. She, on the other hand, did not. There was no way she was ignorant to the problems there.

When it all fell apart due to all the things I just mentioned, she was content to sit back and allow her other adult friends to call me out and isolate me from the fandom and rp circle I was in. This pushed me to my very first suicide attempt, handled very poorly by myself and everyone involved, when the police contacted my (abusive) parents, they said I was fine and everyone accused me of “faking” the situation, which was far from the truth. The trauma of that attempt, and how scared I was, is still a problem I’m trying to confront.

She also accused me of things that simply weren’t true, and used that to further attempt to chase me out of any friend group I was in from there. I remade my blog after a while and tried to start over/heal in a separate fandom. She did things like send me anons, allow her friends to contact me passive aggressively, and create more callouts about me with information that was false (as in: using posts I made about a sexually abusive ex to say I was lying about her, when the posts in question had nothing to do with her, and were actually about someone I knew years before we met, to create a callout and tag it with the fandoms I was part of. Situations like this continued to happen for quite some time, despite her saying she cut contact and was done with me.) She also got herself involved with any disagreements I had with others, and consistently pushed to “teach me a lesson” and show me the error of my ways through public humiliation.

(I will quickly mention that her friend behind these callouts was also an adult, who was famous for being aggressive and callout happy. They threatened their 16/17 year old smut rp partner around that time with threats of callouts and public isolation if they didn’t change their tune and become a better person, which is what they ultimately did to me. They are also an outspoken “anti anti” running a naruto incest rp blog, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Years later I contacted her to apologize for my part in everything going to shit, and while she accepted it, she had no apologies to say back and blocked me before the conversation could go any further. That was the last and only attempt I made.

The trauma and issues from our relationship are not really something I allowed myself to accept and realize. I blamed myself for everything that happened for years, and it was until I was an adult myself that I realized what happened was wrong. I’m almost 25 now, and the thought of dating a teenager makes me sick to my stomach, as it should! but she never had a problem with the idea. Not once did she apologize or admit guilt for dating a high school kid as an adult well in her late 20s. As far as I can tell, she sees nothing wrong with it, and neither do her friends who sat back and allowed it to happen/encouraged it.

I still have nightmares about the falling out, and the sexual conversations between us/how they made me feel, and I’m terrified of anyone more than seven years older trying to befriend me. I ran from a friend recently due to the age difference between us, and their mannerisms reminding me of her. I turn down romantic gestures from partners that imply they want to take care of me, or unintentionally seem infantilizing. Even the mention of large age gaps with teens and adults makes me shake. I woke up shaking from a nightmare just last night about my loved ones terrorizing me the way her friends did.

It was extremely difficult for me to see past the kind person I remember her being during our relationship, put a name to the dirty and ashamed feeling I had, and realize her behavior was predatory and wrong. And whether or not it was intentional grooming, she still behaves as if there was nothing wrong with her actions, and a relationship like that was/is acceptable and normal. It really does worry me for any future teenagers she could befriend, and makes me sick to think about the kind of people she calls friends and supporters. Minors are not safe around those people, and that’s simply all there is to it.

Please do not send her anons, contact her, or harass her/her friends. This puts me at risk for being targeted again, and it’s really not behavior I’m okay with or encourage. This isn’t a callout as much as it is a warning, and a way to keep teenagers from making the same mistakes I did. If an adult shows interest in you, please run, cut contact, reach out to guardians. “Age is just a number” is a bullshit and dangerous statement, and I really don’t want anybody to learn the hard way. Stay safe

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thefaithie · 5 years ago

Text

WC, Chapter 8

Wrong Conclusions Chapter Eight: Reconsideration

"What're you two so down about?" Cyborg asked, turning momentarily away from his own metallic arm and lifting up the goggles he had been using to protect his organic eye from electric sparks. Robin and Raven had entered the Tower no more then ten minutes ago, and from Robin's somber expression and Raven's colder-than-usual attitude, the metallic Titan had been able to tell something had gone wrong.

"Nothing," Robin spat out as bitterly as possible. "Nothing at all."

"And my mother was a toaster," Cyborg rolled his natural eye. "What happened?"

"I said 'nothing'!" Robin growled through gritted teeth, but Raven sighed and answered properly, instead.

"Robin's jealous of the fact that Beast Boy's the one going out with Starfire."

"So they are actually datin', huh?" Cyborg asked in mild surprise, ignoring Robin's indignant look. "I was wonderin' when it'd happen. I mean, they both changed a lot after you two got together-"

"We're not together!" They both cut him off at once.

Robin grinded his teeth and balled his fists in fury, and the shadow over Raven's face revealed four red, glowing eyes. Cyborg ducked just in time as a Bird-a-Rang and a wave of black energy went for his table, causing a small crater to form in the middle of it.

"DUDE!" Cyborg looked up from the crack and glared at the two of them to assure they wouldn't repeat those motions again. "I know, okay!? I was just messing with you two!" The mechanical man straightened back up carefully, staring at his friends in disbelief. "Seriously, if you two're THAT jealous, maybe you should just tell 'em instead of bein' all moody with me?"

"I'm not jealous of anything!" the Boy Wonder snapped again before turning on his heel and heading towards the gym, still utterly seething.

"I don't do 'jealousy'," Raven said coldly, floating a few feet in front of her metallic teammate. "And furthermore, there's nothing for me to be jealous of whatsoever."

"Will you two stop foolin' yourselves?" Cyborg sighed, pulling out a screwdriver and ignoring how taken-aback his comment made Raven look. "You've had it bad for BB ever since that mirror-thing. But you're never gonna admit it because you think you're this awful demon or whatever and you think that means you don't deserve someone nice like him. Just like Robin's been droolin' over Star for as long as I can remember, but won't say anythin' 'cause he's too scared it'll mess up the team or whatever way he phrases his excuse. All of ya gotta just suck it up, tell each other how ya feel, an' finally give me some peace and quiet."

Raven was now emanating an energy so black that it made her leotard look grey. She glared at Cyborg, wondering what she could do to make him regret saying what he had dared to utter.

She could encase him in energy so he couldn't breathe...no, that was stupid - he probably had an oxygen mask. She could take all his bolts out of him...No, no, he could just pull himself back together with whatever magnetized sensors he had inside him. Something, something to get him back for daring to say that she had feelings for that stupid monkey of a boy...

After a few seconds, the furious glow around Raven faded and a satisfied smile appeared on her lips.

"...Says the guy who fell for a pink-haired villain, of all people."

Cyborg's head shot up, blushing in surprise and embarrassment, sputtering, "H-Hey! That's low!" but it was too late. Raven was already floating back towards her room and shutting the door behind her, leaving nothing but a peeved teammate in her wake.

But after the door slid shut and she floated onto her bed, Raven couldn't help but begin to wonder...

Her? And Beast Boy? Sure, she liked him enough to tolerate him, but that was it, wasn't it? He was just an annoying, green, obnoxious boy who never knew when to keep his mouth shut!

She managed to hold that thought for a moment, then sighed. That isn't true... She told herself instantly. He's a lot deeper than that, even if he acts like he isn't...

Her eyes became fixated on the ceiling as the memory of Terra's betrayed ran through her mind. Beast Boy had shown off some of his true, darker colors during that crisis, but despite everything, he had given the Earth-user a second chance, and Terra had redeemed herself because of it as a final act.

Then there was Malchior... Beast Boy had turned into a fly on her wall just to watch Raven, to make sure she was alright. She had taken it as him being overly nosy at the time, but now appreciated how it had merely been the green teen's way of showing concern. And, of course - it had turned out his instincts had been correct, to have been concerned.

And then there were all the times he had tried to make her laugh. It was easy enough with the other Titans, but Beast Boy tried extra-hard for her, even if she didn't appreciate it outwardly...

Raven let out a small sigh, feeling her face break into a warm smile, just at the memories of some of his more recent attempts. He could be so stupid.

Wait. A smile? Her, smiling, thinking about Beast Boy? No, no, that...that wasn't possible! He was loud, annoying, stupid...There was no way she had any feelings for him!

She sat bolt upright and scanned her room momentarily. The jewel on her forehead glowed and a nearby drawer opened, causing a black mirror to float towards her. She looked at it, inhaling deeply.

She needed to know. She's been behaving so strangely, not at all like herself. She was constantly on the verge of letting her powers loose. She needed to be honest with herself, no matter how she didn't want to, and face whatever the truth was. She needed to go inside of herself and see what she truly thought about Beast Boy...What all the sides of her thought of him.

With a final deep breath, she concentrated, feeling herself being drawn into the mirror, and found herself within the gates of her own mind...

Downstairs, the punching bag flew back a few feet into the air before falling back and causing the chain that held it to the ceiling to jangle violently. Before it even had a chance to swing back to its original position, it was punched again and flew even further than before.

Robin panted, continuing his barrage of upper-punches. He was dressed in his gi with ripped sleeves, and sweat was pouring down the sides of his face and into his mask. But the Boy Wonder didn't seem to notice as he continued to abuse the bag before him, trying to keep his mind free of thoughts: empty, vacant, clear-

...What's he got that I haven't!?

"Augh!" Robin cupped his hands over his ears in an attempt to block his own thoughts out, only to be hit in the face by the punching bag on its swing-back. The Boy Wonder was sent back and found himself on the floor before he could even think to react to the bag's act of vendetta.

"Stupid bag-!" Robin growled, rubbing his nose and glaring daggers at his inanimate assaulter. He thoroughly considered standing and giving it another beating, but after several seconds of thought, instead decided to take a short breather. He sat up and ran a hand through his spiky hair, exhaling slowly, his thoughts now free to roam again on the matters that he had so attempted to avoid.

...Why did she pick him? What did Beast Boy do to get her? Is it his hair? The jokes? What?

...Why didn't I say anything to her sooner...?

Robin groaned, another voice in his head quickly answering his questions for him.

He's not scared of telling people how he feels, and that's all he had to do to make Starfire feel special. Where as I stayed quiet, lying and telling myself she was like a sister for the past...what, three years, now?

Robin sighed and glanced up at the ceiling. Growing up with Batman had, indeed, taken a toll on him. All the constant talk about 'job first, personal matters later' had made him too jumpy to ever talk about...feelings. What drove Robin crazy was that it was EXACTLY why he had left the Batcave, anyway - to prove to him there was more to life that kist "job first" and he could still lead a team to victory, despite it. But in his desperation, all that happened was that that obsessive need to win and show Batman he could make it as a leader overtook him, and he ended up pushing most other things aside, instead, especially his own feelings. It had always been Starfire who had made Robin realize that he had to think of the whole team, not only himself or how to get the job done as quickly as possible... Which was quite surprising, considering how the two had met.

Starfire had been the one he had considered the villain at first, and in all honesty, he had been wary of her their first few months together because of it. Robin had avoided making her angry or annoyed, thinking of her as only a war-class fighting, above anything else. He learned to think of her as a friend, that much was true, but more as a friend who could break him in half than someone like a possible girlfriend. The more Robin avoided her, the more Starfire had tried to get to know him, doing her very best to grasp the concepts of kindness and love. But even she had eventually started to lose hope in ever getting Robin's full trust, in those early days.

That was, until the cooking incident. Starfire had never used a kitchen before, and had been asked by Beast Boy to make some toast. She had agreed, and attempted making them. Somehow (none of the Titans had ever found out quite HOW, as the cameras were also damaged beyond repair), Starfire had managed to set half of their kitchen aflame, as well as half of the living room.

After seeing half of the files he had worked so hard to obtain and put together burnt to a crisp, Robin had lost it. The Boy Wonder had spent almost twenty entire minutes yelling at Starfire about how she had to be more careful and ask if she didn't know how to use something, rather than risking turning their entire home into a pile of ash. He had even called her stupid, air-headed, and several other things he still deeply regretted to this day. But the moment he had finished his rant and actually realized what he had said, Robin had cringed, expecting to be hit into the next week. But to his amazement, all he had heard was a whimper. A small, weak whimper, followed by the sounds of crying and rushed footsteps.

That had been the first time Robin had ever made Starfire cry, and the first time he realized being physically stronger than him didn't mean she couldn't have her feelings hurt by him.

Robin sighed, but despite himself, he was unable to keep from smiling when he thought of the incident. True, he felt nothing but guilt for having made tears fall from those beautiful green eyes, and he absolutely hate himself for the things he'd called her without thinking and had made sure never to do that again, but it had also been the first time he had hugged her. For almost the entire night, while she cried, muttering apologies, half in Tamaranian, half in English.

After that memory, more avoided memories began to rush into the mind of Robin. All good ones, about how he and Starfire had become very close friends, how she had slowly learned more things about Earth, how he had learned to be a better person all because of her. And the more Robin remembered, the more glaring the realization became:

I'm in love with Starfire.

He breathed in deeply, the thought coming to him as much less of a shock than he would have expected. Truthfully, he really had been fooling only himself with all his excuses. After all, if he had only felt platonically about Starfire, he wouldn't have gotten jealous about her being forced to marry, and his heart wouldn't have skipped a beat when Cyborg had called Starfire his girlfriend. He could have carried on normal conversations with her without worrying what she thought of him, or have wanted to protect her as much as he constantly did. The feelings had been inside of him for so long, but he had always pushed them aside, calling them 'friendly', or mentally referring to Starfire as a sister, even though the term never sounded right.

And now, it was too late. She was with Beast Boy. They were having a good time, he had put her hand around her and she had leaned close to him. All was lost...

...Or...was it?

Robin thought back to when Kitten had asked for a date from him. He had far from enjoyed it, considering how annoying she was, but Starfire had acted very, well...jealously then. She had even dressed up just to follow Robin to the dance and make sure no harm came to him. And she had also been jealous when she had thought that Blackfire had replaced her, on the Titans, too...

So, maybe there was a chance? Maybe...maybe if he told Starfire, then she could still have feelings for him! Maybe Beast Boy and she really were just friends. Heck, maybe she'd seen one of those old 80's flicks and has asked Beast Boy to stage something to make Robin jealous. Maybe Starfire was hoping Robin would say something!

'Maybe' was usually not something Robin would dare gamble with, but for Starfire, he really had no other choice.

Just as Robin began pulling his last piece of uniform on to go find Starfire again, the door to the gym slid open and Raven and Cyborg stood outside of it. A Communicator was flashing in Cyborg's large hand and his expression was grim.

"Robin, there's trouble at that hospital from a week ago. Starfire and Beast Boy are there, but they said they can't hold out alone much longer!"

Disclaimers:

Starfire, Beast Boy, Raven, Robin, Cyborg, Silkie, and pretty much everything but the plot at hand belongs to © D. C. Comics/Cartoon Network/Kids WB

9/2019 Update:

Woof. This is kind of a fun chapter. I forgot about all the back and forth and inner acceptance and everything, haha. Hopefully it's still fun to read.

#teen titans #teentitans #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #raven #robin #robrae #cyborg #Cyborg is the voice of reason #robstar #dick grayson #BBrae #romance #acceptance #inner feelings #feelings #love

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rankakiu · 5 years ago

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Thoughts of the Droid: Joker (2019)

Hello people from Tumblr! How have they been in all this time? As always, I hope very well. I will begin by saying that it was really in my plans to see the film of It: Chapter II; however, due to various circumstances, I could not see in the cinema. However, I compensated, watching another movie that shares a feature with It: both films have a clown as a great antagonist. Only the latter is more disturbing, since it does not need an extra dimensional being, but a human disguised as a clown, which in itself is more disturbing. On this occasion I bring to you all my impressions and opinions of the Joker movie, the second film that Warner and DC have released this year and which (obviously) has a plausible origin for the villain and nemesis par excellence of Batman.

Could it be that this movie continues with the hit streak of DC and Warner? Or is it a movie that had a very high expectation and ends up disappointing own and strangers? Stay in my review to find out.

WARNING: NOT SPOILER-FREE. Read at your own risk.

To start, what did I think of the movie? Short answer: simply magnificent and fascinating. Now let's go into the review in more detail.

Characters: What to say about this thing? Each of the characters has been thought carefully and although we do not see much of them, at least they fulfill very well their function of being support characters and even some of them serve as a catalyst to further explore the mind of our protagonist. None of these characters will leave you indifferent and also make the movie a more pleasant experience, due to their good performances.

Of course, I could not ignore our protagonist, Arthur Fleck, played by the great Joaquin Phoenix, who once again consolidates himself as an actor of excellent quality, in addition to demonstrating his talent to his full potential.

In this movie, he interprets (as I mentioned lines above) a man in his forties named Arthur Fleck, a poor unhappy man and that life does not treat him at all well. To top it off, he suffers from a peculiar disorder: he laughs uncontrollably when he suffers certain levels of stress and / or anguish. Basically, when he laughs, it is when he ironicly manifests his pain and suffering. And certainly, in the scenes where he laughs that way, it is where Phoenix's acting quality is most noticeable, since while he laughs, his face is disfigured in gestures of extreme bitterness and pain.

If there is something that the film does quite well, it is to explore the tormented psychology of the character, while offering a possible origin and reason why it became the iconic “crime clown” of Gothic City. Throughout the film, we see him resisting as much as he can the attacks and ill-treatment he suffers from a society that cannot and does not want to understand him; we see him slowly succumb to his madness and dark desires, pushed more than anything for days full of disappointment, bitterness and disinterest on the part of his fellow men. Thus, the film knows how to balance these two aspects that manage to give the character its own mythology, while paying a well-deserved tribute by taking certain elements of comics and stories that are already legendary in their own right.

Story: A story, which despite a somewhat slow pace, manages to keep the viewer's interest for about two hours. And it is not for less, since the history has been meticulously planned and well conceived and carried out. It's a story that doesn't bore you at all, and that really leaves you wanting more. It's funny, since, even long before the trailers, we all knew in advance that it would be a story of the character's origin, so we knew that eventually Arthur Fleck would become the Joker. What really left us intrigued and made us go to the movie theaters was the premise of seeing how he became the clown of crime, whose motives he had to let himself be carried away by his madness and had such a unique metamorphosis. Again, the film tells that story precisely and brutally.

And how to start a story with so much potential? Simple, through a scene, where we see Arthur make up as a clown to go out on another work day and while preparing, we see our protagonist break emotionally for a few moments, where he forces himself to smile and while he smiles he spills a Treacherous tear, shows palpable suffering that has to deal with daily and somehow manages to resist almost heroically. But reality and life constantly inflict wounds on his being.

Throughout history we see many evidence of this: we have that, while Arthur does his job, a band of brats steal a sign and Arthur pleadingly asks people for help, who ignores him in that dehumanized way and not according to that, the same band of brats beat him up.

Or how about the scene where one of his co-workers, Randall, gives him a gun so carelessly and that he lost his job - that despite everything, he loved - and his partner decided to wash his hands , before admitting his mistake?

We also have the case in which Arthur fervently tries to fulfill his dream of being a comedian and unfortunately not only does not succeed, but also Murray Franklin, his idol and role model openly mocks him.

But without a doubt, the hardest blow he suffered was when he learned that everything, ALL OF HIS LIFE, until now had been a lie. Finding out that he was adopted only to satisfy a narcissistic desire of his adoptive mother, that his own guardian allowed him to be abused in various ways and that his origin is completely uncertain create an emotional dent in him, since it has been given realize that his life - in his own words - has been a joke in its entirety. In my opinion, this is one of the most emotional and heartbreaking scenes of the film, since that is where we see Arthur laugh more uncontrollably than ever, while shedding tears and his gesture is of such extreme disappointment and pain, that one as a spectator, you can feel a total empathy with the character, despite knowing that he will become a murderous villain.

Another scene to highlight in the story, is when Arthur, already become the Joker, is featured in the show of his now former idol Murray. That is where The Joker, stopping to read for a few seconds a thought he wrote long ago ("I just hope my death makes more sense than my life"), is that he finally decides what he wants to do and what being he wants to become .

And is that previous scenes, Arthur is seen rehearsing his entrance and his act to the show, where we clearly see that he aimed to commit suicide in order to end his life so tragic.

In my opinion, when he reads those lines of his thought, he changes his mind and decides that he will now be forcefully heard and will do what he pleases and brings his own happiness and control of his life. It is also in this scene where there is a monologue that seems quite interesting to me, since Arthur rants against society that abandons not only the patients with mental disorders, but also the poor and the most needy people. It is, in its purest sense, a passionate speech, full of anger and resentment against society that, unconsciously, led him to become an executioner, now free from the bonds and ideas of good and bad with what society intended to retain him. And now the executioner intends to torture this society, which ironically now cries out for mercy when never had it in the first place with a human being like him.

Also in this scene is where the Joker gives another equally interesting speech, and it is that to some extent he is right in describing society as easily manipulable, since in his own words, that society was shocked by the death of the three Wayne business employees, without even knowing how they really were. Recall that behind the scenes, the three subjects were behaving like real patanes, harassing an innocent woman. In part, their deaths are brutal and to some extent an exaggerated punishment. But this must also be considered: at what point would these three have reached if Arthur had not been present? What limits would have been exceeded? An interesting reflection that gives a lot to think about.

Another point in favor of history, is that it not only focuses on the psychology and evolution of the main villain, but also manages to sustain, showing a dark side of society and especially the eternal struggle of social classes, especially The poor against the rich. Just remember that in the movie, these social classes make their position very clear: the rich condemn the crimes that they have done against them. The poor are full of joy for those acts that they consider pure and expeditious justice.

But…

Did it really happen everything that defined Arthur as the Joker?

Because in fact, in the same movie (and in various theories hanging around the internet) there are several clues that would confirm that the whole story we witnessed as spectators would be false. Some say that all their history is false and others maintain that only parts of it. And one might think that that little detail ruins the movie completely.

In this case, I would not think so.

And it is because of how the character is designed from the beginning. Basically the Joker is one of those characters who, as long as we knows less about his past, is much better, since it is part of his essence, being an entity of chaos whose origin is enigmatic and mysterious, a whole unknown. And if in truth his whole story is ambiguous or it didn't happen the way him told us, his past doesn't matter. What matters is precisely that we have been shown how his madness dragged him into becoming a criminal.

The story definitely gives a lot of fabric to cut from and is very worthy of analysis in many facets. The story, along with the characters - especially the protagonist - is the best of the film, and therefore it is a film that has no waste of seeing again and again.

Action and Visuals and special effects: Well ... where to start? Because if you ask me, I doubt that this film has been a great edition of special effects. I do not deny that I have one or another, but most of all the film is beautifully guided with the environments, the color palette and lights and especially a great script, so it is not necessary great effects. As for the action, the film has good sequences but they are very scarce and when they occur they are usually ephemeral. But do the film need action? Of course not, since it focuses on the character and his circumstances.

In conclusion, Joker, is a film very worth seeing and that has already become one of the best DC films, showing that in truth, when they want, they can achieve these wonderful results and that even overshadow their eternal rival Marvel. Therefore, I give this movie 4.5 out of 5 jokers. Beyond that, this film presents a new scheme that, if exploited in a good way, will create a genre in the superhero films: supervillain movies. And that is one of the greatest achievements of the film.

Definitely a highly recommended movie to watch and a very deserved achievement for DC and Warner. Hopefully they stay on this good path.

Greetings

Rankakiu

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daresplaining · 6 years ago

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How can you describe Murdocks's personality?

Matt: “I’m an endless contradiction that’d never stand up to cross-examination, Foggy. Always thought that was part of my charm.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #353 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele

Matt’s personality is varied and complex, thanks to one of my favorite aspects of Big Two superhero comics: the fact that Daredevil has been around for 55 years and has been written by dozens of different people. The downside of this situation is the myriad continuity issues that plague these comics, but the upside is that it results in rich characters who have been explored from every possible angle, and Matt is (in my unbiased opinion) one of the best examples. The tone of the story being told tends to impact the way he behaves, and different writers have emphasized different sides of his personality based on their own interpretations of his character, but there is a lot that has remained consistent over the years.

Since his introduction, Matt has been characterized by fearless heroism; his origin story involves him leaping in front of an out-of-control truck to save a stranger’s life. He is called “the Man Without Fear” (and, heck, Daredevil) for a reason. He has a strong moral code and sense of justice that keeps him fighting for people in need. His childhood spent in a crime-ridden neighborhood, and his father’s murder while he was in college, both taught him hard lessons about how cruel and unforgiving the world can be. He knows how important law and justice are, and knows how often they fail, and so he is compelled to help people, both as a superhero and as a lawyer. He is extremely brave, and doesn’t hesitate to go to great lengths to achieve his goals. This is true in every aspect of his life– in his legal career as much as his superhero one.

“Stay calm.”

“The voice isn’t soothing. It’s stern-wry-stormy. A reckless say-your-prayers sign-your-will-before-crossing-it kind of voice. The attorney with the vocal attitude is Matthew Murdock. Known in legal circles to be something of a daredevil.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #380 by D.G. Chichester, Lee Weeks, and Christie Scheele

This ties into Matt’s adrenaline junkie tendencies. He isn’t just willing to take risks– he enjoys them! He’s an active, energetic guy, and both his blindness (and the ableism/societal expectations that came with it) and his father’s role in limiting his athletic activities as a kid further exacerbated his need for action. I can’t allow myself to get through a post like this without getting up on my usual soapbox and saying: regardless of what else may be going on in his life, on a fundamental level, Matt loves being Daredevil. Swinging through the city, fighting bad guys, and making a name for himself as a superhero fulfills his need for action, thrills, and empowerment, and has actually proven to be a key aspect of his mental health. Whenever Matt is bored, restless, stressed, upset, or doesn’t know what else to do, he will fling himself out the nearest window.

Matt: “Look! I’m not getting anywhere sitting around here… which means– it’s travelin’ time… for this bored little Man Without Fear! It’s true… it really is; out here, with the wind rushing past me, I come alive! For a short while, I have no problems, no worries– nothing but total freedom!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #125 by Marv Wolfman, Bob Brown and Klaus Janson

Foggy: “What are you doing?”

Matt: “I’m going out.”

Foggy: “Out there? To face them?”

Matt: “No. Out there. To do something worthwhile for someone.”

Foggy: “You’re a stubborn @?!*! You know that? You’re a stubborn @!?*!!”

Daredevil vol. 2 #34 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Matt Hollingsworth

At times, Matt has questioned whether this thrill, rather than the superheroics, is the real reason he is Daredevil, and it’s part of why I’m convinced he would have become a superhero even if Jack hadn’t been murdered.

Matt is extremely strong-willed and resilient. You can’t beat him down; even when he gets stomped into the dirt, he will not stop fighting. This has also been true since basically the beginning of the comic. One of his earliest character-defining issues is Daredevil volume 1 #7, in which Matt singlehandedly battles Namor the Sub-Mariner, and refuses to give up even when it’s clear that he has no hope of winning

Caption: “But, once again, the power of the Sub-Mariner is greater than any could suppose, and it is he who recovers first– while the Man Without Fear […] lies weak, and dazed, and helpless…! Yet, how can one measure the limitless courage of a fellow human? Although on the brink of unconsciousness– although racked with pain and fatigue– still the sightless crusader reaches out–!”

Matt: “Come back! You– you mustn’t fight the others–! They’re innocent– mustn’t be harmed– mustn’t–!”

Namor: “I have fought the Fantastic Four, the Avengers, and other super-powered humans, but none has been more courageous than he, the most vulnerable of all!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #7 by Stan Lee and Wally Wood

Matt’s life has been difficult to the point of becoming a running joke within Marvel comics. He has suffered a lot. But a key element of this suffering is showing how he survives it. For instance: many people point to the “Born Again” arc as an example of a depressing Daredevil story, but I don’t see it that way because it’s ultimately a celebration of Matt’s strength of spirit. There are two ways of being the Man Without Fear: there’s the swashbuckley Daredevilling, and there’s having the courage to keep fighting when all seems lost.

Matt’s superhuman willpower also has a negative side. He is stubborn and hardheaded to a frustrating degree. He has a big, sometimes overpowering personality, values his perspective above all others, and will frequently trample over/disregard the opinions of other people for the sake of doing what he thinks is right. This wholehearted confidence in his own judgment is vital for his hero work, but not so great for his personal relationships. It’s one reason why he mostly operates on his own as a superhero (it caused him to butt heads with Natasha Romanov while they were partners), and why he can also be a huge pain to work with as a lawyer. This is exacerbated by his secret-keeping– something he has done since he was young, long before he became a superhero or even had powers. One of the first things we learn about young Matt in DD #1 is that he snuck to the gym to train without Jack’s knowledge, hiding a key side of himself from his father, and he has maintained layers of secrecy– including crafting an array of aliases/alter egos– ever since.

Matt: “Even when I was first blinded, I never told anyone about my radar or my hypersenses. Not even my dad. I enjoyed having a big secret. When people make you feel like you’re weak and helpless, it’s empowering to know something they don’t. And, boy, did I need empowering. […] But here’s the truth: learned behaviors die hard. They become a comfort zone. So even though I grew older, and stronger, I somehow never let go of that need for the power of secrecy. And along the way, it went from survival skill to habit to… to…”

Foggy: “Emotional addiction. I can see that. You do love coming to the table with an ace up your sleeve. No wonder you took to law.”

Daredevil vol. 3 #22 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez

He puts up facades and keeps information to himself almost by instinct at this point. When things get bad, he shuts people out and turns inward. And he often displays what I’d call selfish selflessness– doing things he thinks are right while ignoring the fact that they may actually have harmful consequences. A major example of this is faking his death to keep his loved ones safe– something Matt has done on multiple occasions.

He is also an extremely emotional person. Matt feels things intensely, in more ways than one. He has clinical depression (which was established by Mark Waid in Volume 4), and he has been through a series of horrific mental breakdowns over the course of his career. Matt at his lowest points is erratic and often frightening. He becomes dangerously impulsive, sometimes emotionally abuses those around him, and is extra angry and violent as Daredevil.

Matt: “I don’t enjoy torture. But tonight I don’t care. In between the screams, I beat him. Like he was a heavy bag. And it feels good. I should feel sick. I should, but I don’t. I just feel more angry… ready for a new target.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #104 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, Matt Hollingsworth, et al.

He has suffered immense loss over the course of his career-- mostly in the form of his array of dead girlfriends-- for which he blames himself (and to be honest, he does deserve at least some of that blame). He doesn’t always learn from the mistakes that leave his loved ones dead, but he still feels that grief very deeply.

On the upside, he’s also extremely passionate. He will do anything for the causes/people he cares about (even if he doesn’t always show it), falls in love fast, hard, and all-consumingly, and in general needs to have friends around him to keep him sane and happy. He is very smart but often lacking in common sense. He’s a charming flirt, a charismatic public speaker, a snarky punk to those who know him well, and he has a hilarious dry sense of humor that is 50% self-deprecation and 50% blind jokes.

Foggy: “Did you see this, Matt?”

Matt: “Foggy, how long have you known me?”

Foggy: “You know what I mean!”

Daredevil vol. 2 #76 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Dave Stewart

In short, he’s a hugely complex person in a way that I adore, flaws and all. I’m going to end with this quote from Foggy (well, Mark Waid), since it’s a personal favorite:

Foggy: “[Matt] will confound you. He will frustrate you. He will make your choices FOR you, he will manipulate you without CONSULTING you, and you will want to PUNCH him in his self-assured face at least ONCE AN HOUR. […] But he will care about you in a way that no one else ever could.”

Daredevil vol. 4 #5 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez

#Daredevil #Matt Murdock #Asks #Commentary #Adventures in Continuity

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hisband · 5 years ago

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MURDOC & SYMPTOMS OF ADHD.

ADHD is defined as a chronic condition marked by persistent inattention, hyperactivity, and sometimes impulsivity. ADHD begins in childhood and often goes unrecognized into adulthood. this is especially true in the past, and murdoc, being a child raised in the late 60s and early 70s, definitely got filed into the Unrecognized Neurodivergence category. already looked down upon by his teachers for belonging to a notorious, deeply disliked family, murdoc’s behaviour also earned him labels such as “slacker” and “troublemaker.”

in ri/se of the ogre, it’s mentioned he did things like cutting classes, distracting his classmates with “endless quacking noises” and making “pointless malicious jokes.” while i do think some of that behaviour may have A) been blown out of proportion by his teachers because they didn’t like him and B) was likely the result of his negligent household, i think he also acted out because... well, he couldn’t help himself, didn’t understand he was being disruptive and was never taught how to control those impulses. impulses that he still has, though they manifest in different ways, such as...

becoming easily distracted by low-priority activities or external events that others tend to ignore. anyone who knows murdoc at all knows how difficult it is for him to keep his thoughts in a straight line unless he’s in a professional setting ( and even then, he has a tendency to go off on tangents from time to time ). though he’s excellent at setting goals for himself and taking the necessary steps to achieve them, other things tend to catch his eye along with the way. murdoc is very observant, which is both a blessing & a curse depending on the circumstances.

having so many simultaneous thoughts that it’s difficult to follow just one. see above. murdoc has a lot going on in his head at once, and because of that, he struggles to articulate himself when he’s speaking unless he’s had time to plan out his responses ( being a celebrity, he was likely coached how to do this properly ). this may give off the impression that he’s a bit of a ditz, which couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth. talking out loud can just... be hard for him.

difficulty paying attention or focusing, such as when reading or listening to others. yes, he can be incredibly watchful... if the situation is of the utmost importance or if he feels like he has something to gain. but when he’s trying to focus on something he really doesn’t care about or that won’t benefit him in some way, you’ve lost him.

frequently daydreaming or “zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation. linked to the point above. also ties into point #2 in regards to murdoc thinking about too much at once.

struggling to complete tasks, even ones that seem simple. like i said before, murdoc often has a hard time motivating himself to do things he has minimal interest in. believe it or not, he isn’t trying to be a lazy asshole; his brain chemicals just don’t work the way they’re supposed to. the brain uses electrical impulses to carry messages from one neuron to the next - messages that help us notice things, pay attention and take action. in the brain of someone with adhd, the brain doesn’t always release Enough of those chemicals. when something interesting or exciting comes along for someone with ADHD, however, then our brains releases a larger amount, which helps us get started and stay glued to the task ( which is why murdoc is such an efficient musician / songwriter a decent chunk of the time ). people with ADHD don’t have voluntarily control of the release - we can’t tell ourselves to get started on a task and make it happen unless we’re really into it, or if we fear something bad will happen if we don’t deal with things right on the spot.

a tendency to overlook details, leading to errors or incomplete work. murdoc doesn’t Always exhibit this symptom because he’s such a perfectionist - at least when it comes to subjects he feels genuine passion for, like music and live performances - but when it comes to things he’s less sure about or can’t really bring himself to get invested in, he gets... sloppy.

poor listening skills; for example, having a hard time remembering conversations and following directions. pretty self-explanatory. his drug & alcohol abuse ( both past and present ) really don’t help with his lapses in memory. he’s a lot better at navigating around new locations than he is remembering something someone said to him earlier that day, however. all the travelling he does has helped him get better at figuring out where he needs to go and not panicking when he gets lost.

quickly getting bored and seeking out new, stimulating experiences. another self-explanatory one. this symptom occasionally overlaps with the risk-taking of murdoc’s BPD ( which i plan to discuss in more depth in future posts ). because of the overlap of his BPD & his ADHD, murdoc experiences a special form of inattention as part of dissociative states when he feels emotionally stressed, particularly in response to feelings of rejection, failure, and loneliness. his inattentive ADHD symptoms are particularly prominent in situations that lack external stimulation ( i.e. during boring, routine, or familiar tasks ). it should be noted that those with BPD have a tendency to resort to self-harm in order to alleviate tension; those with ADHD are more likely to regulate emotional symptoms through things like extreme sports, novelty seeking, sexual activity, and aggression. as someone who suffers from both disorders, murdoc’s got a lot on his plate.

poor organizational skills (home, office, desk, or car is extremely messy and cluttered). it depends on the situation and circumstances. when it comes to matters that are important to gor*llaz, murdoc watches over them like a hawk and ensures that everything is in the correct place & order... most of the time, so long as he’s somewhat sober. when it comes to his personal belongings, though? absolute disaster in the earlier phases. his organizational skills don’t start getting better until around phase 4, in which he copes with the loss of control over his life by becoming extremely anal about how everything around him is presented.

tendency to procrastinate. unless the goal in question is extremely time-sensitive & important, yeah - and even Then murdoc will still sometimes leave shit to the last minute. he frequently forgets the thing he means to do before he starts doing something else. when he’s so distracted by outside stimuli, as well as internal thoughts, it can be hard for him to even make it to the starting line. and once he finally does get started, he may become sidetracked by something else more interesting... and so his original task gets delayed even further. do you see where i’m going with this?

trouble starting and finishing projects. thanks to his ADHD-fuelled boredom, murdoc tends to have a lot going on for himself at once. the problem is, he sometimes has trouble finishing his side projects because new ones pop up and replace them. this is why it’s important for murdoc to have a a Primary Project or Goal to worry about - because without one, he’d be aimless.

time blindness. ties in with issues such as chronic lateness & forgetting appointments / deadlines. murdoc, like most people with ADHD, has a distorted sense of time. waiting in line can feel like hours and what feels like fifteen minutes of fun activity can really be forty-five. if murdoc forgets the purpose of his task, he’ll be uninspired to finish it. those with ADHD have two times: “now and not now.” for example, if a work project is due next week, we figure we’ll have plenty of time to do it - and the next thing we know it’s monday. that sort of thing. this distortion of time leads us to believing we have more time to complete tasks than what we actually do.

constantly losing or misplacing things (keys, wallet, phone, documents, bills). this is why murdoc needs to watch closely where he sets things down. if he’s not paying enough attention, his brain won’t lay down a memory of the event - it’ll feel like it never happened. this can make him a real pain in the ass to live with at times, because more often than not the object he lost will be in plain sight and he’ll be tearing the place apart trying to find it.

but murdoc’s most prominent ADHD symptom of all would be his impulsivity. said impulsivity makes it difficult for him to inhibit his behaviours, comments, and responses. he tends to act without thinking, or react without considering the consequences. he has a habit of interrupting others, blurting out the first thing that pops into his head ( no matter how tasteless or inappropriate ), and rushing through tasks without reading the figurative or literal instruction manual. murdoc’s lack of impulse control makes staying patient extremely difficult for him. for better or for worse - usually the latter - he tends to jump into risky situations that cause him more harm than good in the end. this poor self-control has led to addictive tendencies, as well as difficulty behaving in socially appropriate ways. said difficulties include:

being easily flustered and stressed out.

irritability or short, often explosive, temper.

low self-esteem and sense of insecurity or underachievement.

trouble staying motivated.

hypersensitivity to criticism.

talking excessively, usually about a million things at once.

trouble sitting still. constant fidgeting.

there’s a million other things i Could say about murdoc as a character with ADHD and would Like to say but. i think this covered all of the bases. more later, yes.

#⇩ ▬ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ / ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ( headcanon. )#( META. )#long post /#am i projecting a bit? perhaps but what can u do

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golden-witch · 6 years ago

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Rosa, Rosa, why are you such an idiot?

Hey! I wrote up a long character analysis of Rosa for fun. I hope you enjoy it.

[Read the full post under read more]

The narration mentions in Episode 2 that Rosa still feels like a child because she can’t accept and overcome her trauma which makes her an incapable mother. The banquet scene during the Tea Party has always been one of my favorite scenes in Umineko for its more somber aspects, something both the manga and the anime neglect in order to focus more on the horror themes. I’ll link it here because it’s the most important point of consideration when analyzing Rosa’s character. It certainly leaves an impression of what her childhood was like.

Some people were surprised to learn that Krauss and Eva were full fledged adults when they abused Rosa. If Eva and Krauss are in their 50’s and Rosa is In her early 30’s, that puts about a 20 year age difference between them! This isn't a case of sibling rivalry such as Eva vs. Krauss-- this is the abuse of a child by her adult siblings. We don't know the exact numbers, but we can assume Rosa is closer in age to the cousins than her eldest brother and sister. They suggest this several times in the story when Battler notes her odd position in the family. Rosa is treated as neither an adult nor child and is continuously forced out of conversations with her siblings. (Think of the scene in episode 2 where Kyrie manipulates Rosa to leave the room by gently reminding her that she's left Maria outside.) She acts submissively towards them and follows their guidance. This is likely why 12 year old Battler got the impression that she was “sweet”.

There's also the issue of her parents, who we can assume were neglectful if not equally abusive. I would imagine Kinzo would want as little to do with her as possible; he would have little incentive to raise her as she was a girl and because he was already committed to Beatrice II (who grew up alongside her). Rosa’s relationship with her mother is suggested to be strained (when Rosa talks about running away from home because she did badly on an exam), and I think-- as is the case with the other adults-- that she doesn’t remember the woman fondly.

The way Rosa behaves supports my impression that she grew up in a household where she was undervalued. It’s reasonable to assume she threw herself at the first man who treated her with the slightest bit of compassion and who offered her an opportunity to leave Rokkenjima. His character ended up being flimsy, but someone of Rosa’s background wouldn’t be able to notice the warning signs of abandonment. Rosa believes he left because of her pregnancy, but you could make the argument that he purposefully conned her and dumped her once he had the money Kinzo lent him. Having never been wanted before, Rosa would accept his behavior to feel desirable.

The relationship Rosa had with Maria’s father is one of two romantic relationships mentioned in the story, the other being her fling with the married man in Maria’s book (classy). I don’t know how accurately I can say this reflects all of her romantic endeavors, but we do know that Maria never makes note of any men who might have come in and out of her life. It seems that Rosa doesn’t bring her lovers home out of fear they will leave her due to Maria (as she believes her ex did), so I think the relationships were very shallow. Bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend home with her would have been a step in deepening their bond, but Rosa pushes them away perhaps out of fear they will one day leave her (#abandonment issues). She is in favor of short-term romances with a low level of commitment. This is why I can’t stand when people try to argue that the scene of Rosa in bed with her lover in episode 4 is just “Ange’s fabrication”! Everything about Rosa screams that was the truth of the situation.

“So Rosa sacrifices her time to have passionate one-night stands with guys she doesn’t even care about?” Sort of-- she feeds off of the attention they give her. It’s not very important who her lovers are so long as they acknowledge her as her family did not. She craves the external validation she was denied in childhood. There’s also something to be said about sex as a means of claiming adulthood. I can totally see why someone so insecure of their maturity would go so far.

I could talk a lot about what I make of Rosa’s relationship with other adults. If you want to discuss that further, totally send me an ask, but I’d like to dedicate the later half of the analysis to Maria. This is where I have to give a major content warning for discussions of violent child abuse.

The story alludes strongly to the idea that Maria is most likely on the autism spectrum. I don’t know if it’s canon, but after hearing from autistic fans that Maria resembles their experiences, I feel comfortable saying that she’s neurodivergent. It’s not my place and not within the scope of this essay to make claims about Maria’s mental health, but we should take into account how her behavior affects her relationship with her mother. Nothing Maria does is “abnormal” for a child (I would argue there are no abnormal children); Rambler once answered an ask about a “what if” scenario where Maria was neurotypical and gave the answer that it probably wouldn’t matter in terms of Rosa abusing her. Rosa vents her anger towards Maria. It doesn’t matter if she is a “problem child” or not.

Maria is continuously said to be different from her peers, and differences breed scorn. Rosa wants Maria to be “normally” behaved so she will be acknowledged as a good parent and an adult. Kids are seen as reflections of their parents, and she sees Maria as a threat to her reputation-- especially in front of her siblings, who openly mock her. Ironically, Rosa plays into this expectation; she was considered incompetent as a child and incompetent as an adult. She wants to defy that expectation so badly that she ends up beating her child. It’s a cycle she puts no effort into breaking. For that she should be seen as a deplorable character and an abuser. I believe Ryukishi wanted it to be obvious that Rosa is a neglectful and irresponsible, sometimes violent mother.

Let’s break down their relationship.

Rosa-- at her heart-- cares about Maria’s wellbeing. She acknowledges she should have been a more accepting mother and recognizes that her actions were wrong-- Most notably in episode 8 in the Golden Land. Unfortunately, she is only able to consider mending her relationship with Maria in retrospect since she is, of course, at that point dead. I believe this indicates that she had the capacity to change her behavior, and it a better universe, she would be able to become a good parent. This is all hypothetical, though there is enough in the story to hint that this was a strong possibility had Sayo not given up on the family. If only someone had intervened successfully…

Ryu also wants us to consider that Rosa is protective of Maria against outside threats. He refers to her as both a mother bear and a mother wolf who will bear fangs when her child is in danger. The story supports this in episode 2 when Rosa fights to protect her daughter from the goats. On the contrary, it is suggested that Rosa’s abuse of Maria stems from how others interpret Maria’s behavior. I don’t really understand how Rosa can both be “protective” of Maria and brutal towards her daughter depending on external threats. I think this is supposed to be further evidence (intentional or not) that Rosa is unbalanced and acts inconsistently.

It was exceedingly difficult for Rosa to manage raising a child. Her polarizing behavior was what led Maria to come up with the “white witch/black witch” concept since a child couldn’t make sense of something so complex. Rosa explains during episode 2 that she often spoiled Maria, and this is seen in episode 4 when she takes Maria out for dessert at a restaurant she can’t afford. This is exemplary of Rosa’s genuine feelings of affection for Maria which she is at a loss for ways to convey. A girl who grew up rich and neglected may see objects as a means to soothe wounds. Her lingering guilt causes her to feed into Maria’s material wants without considering her emotional needs. She overcompensates with gifts. Maria would cry and demand presents, and Rosa would either buy into it to satisfy her or beat her into submission. Neither of these are good parenting!

The reason why CPS is notified about Rosa’s behavior has to do with parental neglect; Rosa left Maria by herself for too long for too many times. We know from Maria’s diary that Rosa was often absent and used the excuse that she was working late into the night and for days at a time, and we know of one instance where Rosa lied and instead went on vacation. However, we can’t say that Rosa was always on vacation when she left Maria alone. I personally believe that Rosa would engage in some unhealthy working habits to offset the cost of her frivolous lifestyle.

More headcanons that I have are that these bursts in irregular behavior for Rosa happened clustered together. Basically, Rosa would irresponsibly work for multiple days straight and then impulsively abandon her daughter to go on vacations in a predictable pattern. I believe Rosa suffers from bipolar II-- the sort of self-sabotaging behavior she engages in is evidence. She wants her business to succeed, but risks its stability. She wants to be a good mother, but she abuses Maria. Her sudden fits of rage and violent mood swings could be connected to this because it's a common symptom for those with mood disorders. I don't think it's out of the question to say that she was suffering from a manic episode during the period Maria writes about in her journal. This isn't to say that people with bipolar II are abusers, I'm just suggesting some of her behavior can be explained this way. This comes from my own experiences and observations, so please don’t take my word for it. I’m just offering up an interpretation.

Anyway, if you want to hear more about Rosa as an abuser, and why she’s responsible for her actions, check it out here!

#my posts #analysis #Rosa Ushiromiya #umineko #Umineko no Naku Koro ni

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icharchivist · 6 years ago

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Thanks! Yeah I think it's not just Allen being beloved by Innocence so much that gives him a free pass. I do believe if every Exorcist had the desire for truth and selfless love for others that Allen had. They wouldn't be chained to the Order w/fear of falling. I think everyone has been conditioned to believe the Order/Vatican/Central is the only big good to obey they end up ignoring cases like Cross and Allen. Independant accomodators who make choices contrary to the Order. The Order does -

2 have some good parts. But overall it's so corrupted they might as well stop pretending they're even a accurate representation of what's opposite of the Noah Family. I mean I'd respect them more for being honest at any rate. =\ We don't truly know the origins of the Order. For all we know it had nefarious agendas/foundations from the start. They just promoted saving the world to attract more people or justify atrocities. Innocence doesn't care about the Order. The Order seems to not like,-

3 Innocence ether (or at at least fear it. Renee and Lveille know about Apocryphos and look terrified). The Order may not be worth saving in the end. It may cone to a point where the Exorcists have to decide serving it or following Allen's path. Lenalee and Komui could decide they not only can leave their prison. But if they want to (for all it's abuse, they made the Order their world. That's hard to separate from). The Order represents cycles of godless inhuman behaviour. Allen showed they can-

4 can leave. But only if they show the humanity to do so. If they are willing to fight and protect it for real. A way to end the war. Lenalee promise to fight if she could stay w/Komui. Kanda promised to fight to save Allen. Krory promised to fight to protect his friends (Allen and Lavi in particular). None of these tied to the Order. It's not just Exorcists. Johnny showed disgust and unwillingness to participate in the Orders crimes even before Allen left. Johnny choose humanity and choice.

I agree on how the Order mostly seem to behave in general.

I think the thing is also that I strongly believe Innocence is sentient - so while some innocence like Allen or Cross might give them a free pass, some others innocences may not be so kind. The risk of being a fallen so far seems to be only for exorcists in direct contact with their innocences (parasyte/crystal) and we have seen that despite Kanda’s will being mostly good, his innocence is still... threatening him. So I do think that the threat is well deserved because not all the innocence would be as kind as Crown Clown for instance. I personally don’t trust Lenalee’s for instance which puts her in a very difficult situation being a crystal type.

The Order is... rotten and i do believe that the best thing would be for it to be over, but so must be the war because there would be chaos would the force of the innocence be unorganized. The problem with the Order is that they should have just helped organize how to help the soliders and where to send them (what Komui did mostly) instead of “what to do to win the war” that Lveille and Renee ecouraged.

Ad there is something concerning tbh with the fact innocence let most of this slide without proper backlash. Tbh this is also one of my strong point for sentientness because Mugen in Kanda’s memories seem... so wary? of Kanda. Like... idk i see it as a stray cat for exemple which had lost its owner years ago, and had been beaten down and forced into things that didn’t want it, and now so wary about eventually coming back to its owner. There is this... sort of dicotomy where it is still possible for the Order to experience on the innocence itself and of innocence not doing anything to fight against it, whenever it can or not, if it is because it truly believe in the war or want to act for others. Miranda’s innocence’s actions were all about helping Miranda herself with no real idea of a bigger purpose, for the most part for exemple. While Lenalee’s, which Lenalee had always been clear she never wanted, ended up refusing to cooperate back with Lenalee until Lenalee proved to go further into her devotion for it.

What I’m trying to say is that for the Innocence itself the Order might be the only organization they might trust for now, and as it is now, they have shown so much sentientness it is difficult to really narrow down how much the innocence would be willing to trust its accomodator instead of the rules set in place. Even if this “trust” is just into giving them a free pass as long as their motivations are pure.

When it goes for Lenalee specifically for instance, I feel like her insistance of her being “selfish only for the people she loves” (which comes from years of abuse from the Order after all), might have her running away send a very bad message to her innocence, specifically knowing that said innocence had been.... unaccomodating and sometimes harsh with Lenalee herself. There is no way to trust her innocence would be kind to her the way Mugen, an innocence who had followed Kanda since a past life, which had seen Kanda’s tortures and have an actual bound with him*, is with him. And it’s still taking into account Kanda’s had been threatening to fall him. (*one thing i noticed upon my reread is that Kanda is one of the few if not the only one I can think of who actually talked to his innocence in some random time. In Mattell before a fight he pulled his sword and said “let’s go, Mugen.” before actually entering a fight. To me it shows a connection and companionship Kanda acknowledges. And yet this very innocence still threaten to make him fall. So what about an innocence that had had less kinship with its owner, right?)

And in a way the thing is that, all the Exorcists leaving the Order is an impossible feat as far as it goes: the Order’s army are far greater than anticipated for instances, from finders to crows and we know the Vatican keeps a close eye on them. Would they all decide to run away to pursue their duty, they would always be in danger.Komui perhaps joined the Order for Lenalee but he ended up empathizing for everyone and I doubt he would let anyone go without being able to protect them. Even know everything he does is to try to protect the exorcists. And besides, would they actually all run away and fuckoff, I feel like the Order would still try to make new soldiers. New experiments. Komui, who remembers every name of every people who died in the experiments of the Order even well past before he arrived, would never be the kind of person to leave when he knows he can make a difference, even a slim one.

It is a bit harder to establish for others innocences and accomodators, but in a way i feel like everyone is a bit trapped for different reasons and the fact Allen and Kanda even managed to break away is huge. And the innocence had given more freedom to Allen, I believe also because Allen had proven himself already without needed to be tied to the Order. others innocences might not be that wise.

I do believe the Order doesn’t like the innocence all that much - too hard to control, and such an unfair weapon, “pushing them to such extreme to attempt to win the war”. But how the innocence feel about it would be something for each individual innocence imo so this makes it far harder to actually encourage anyone to leave the Order if they don’t actually have a profound connection enough ith their innocence for their innocence to understand the goods the Exorcists would attempt to do on the way out.

I do want the Order to be run into the ground because the Organization itself is rotten to its core, to its fundations, and there’s very little redeeming it without basically just throwing away all of its history and starting anew. But there are legit concerns about how there is no telling how each individual innocences would react, nor if the Vatican wouldn’t just start another project for the sake of it.

Ultimately, the realization that they should be fighting for the sake of humanity rather than for the sake of ending the war would be the best end, and admirable, but if anything, the innocence hadn’t specifically been completely encouraging of that. Plenty of exorcists don’t care much for the akuma they destroy for exemple, but this is something the innocence has to content with. (and I do believe this might adds kudos to Allen on how he himself see his innocence as a weapon that can save instead of a weapon that can destroy). Obviously the innocence cannot afford to be picky either, but it makes the “all in good faith” motivation to disemble an organization that has a huge tie with how the innocence behaved for centuries quite dangerous without understanding each personal innocence well.

But yeah sorry i went on ramble on that dkjfhd but i do think the innocence matter makes it a lot more complicated to actually run away from how abusive the order is, because it’s.. basically still leaving with a timebomb and you don’t know when it would go off once you do leave, and the knowledge that this systematic abuse will still repeat itself. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” If the Order is a cycle of abuse and everything awful about humanity, it has to be broken in some way, but it has to be done carefully knowing that the system runs deep and that people who have been involved in it can suffer backlash they may not be ready for.

Allen grew up with his innocence away from the Order and we don’t know the origins of his innocence, so his innocence could have reason to not care about the Order and care about what’s in Allen’s heart. Innocences that stayed longer in the Order like Kanda’s or Lenalee’s might far more trust in the Order than their accomodators’s, especially if those, like Lenalee, had been rejecting them to some point.

So it is a very complicated situation and it really does put the Order to shame that it is them misusing their ressources that push people to such extreme instead of accomodating them. And it does feel awful in comparaison to the Noah clan. I kinda am still haunted by the fact the Earl planned the Alma’s incident specifically because “the Order isn’t playing by the rules by using the Noah’s weapons”. In a way it shows how much the Order is all “end justifies the means” despite the fact that their means are horrifying and against everything they had been fighting for. And lbr, the Noah destroying everything, disregarding human lives and creating chaos, while their ultimate goal is to destroy all of humanity? It makes sense. It’s coerent. The Order, disregarding human lives, creating chaos, and creating a cycle of abuse, while their ultimate goal is to save all of humanity? Gives a bad taste on what is “worth saving”. It creates an horrible dicotomy where the Noah appears more honorable because they at least act coerent within themselves, while the Order is ready to believe they are all clean while committing horrors, because it’s the sort of sacrifice that are worth it. But like Allen said, basing a war on sacrifice is worthless. (i’m not saying the Noah are right either just to be sure, just that this leaves a bad taste that the people who will destroy all of humanity are more honorable. It’s not about “geez perhaps they’re right” it’s about “oh humanity look at how low you fell that our enemies are more honorable than you”)

I reaaally dislike the Order and i honestly sideeye the innocence a lot (but again, individual sentientness, so i guess it would be a case-by-case reasoning for most of them). It just... feels so complicated to me to properly leave it. Unless we destroy the Order for good, the others options are healing it from the inside or leaving it to rot and affect everyone involved.

Bah I guess I just overthink everything. I just... think it’s a mess orz

#ichafantalks dgm #Anonymous #ichareply

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downsbeatrice · 4 years ago

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How To Save Husband Wife Relationship Top Tips

The marriage counselor's office and then everything else in their relationships.Quite frankly, if you are patient with each other, because one or both partnersTry one today and put your marriage would go down the road to divorce, separation, or feelings of hate, depression, sadness, pain and anger from the heavy price later on, so it's important that both the members of the retreat, both parties say things that will last forever so you must find a time to deal with future problems that appeared can be easy if you don't see results and save your marriage.Marriages are for the former categories are less likely to take action.

In fact, for many reasons, but has yours just ended and you can certainly come to the foundation.However, you need to sit down and it's ironic that we live today disable us to develop some rules together to conserve the marital arena to referee or take the time lapse between your aunt and uncle or other event.So how do you feel that the stronger the bond that you can get very hot and one of the two of you are willing to make this mistake because you didn't really mean and that you don't feel like you I needed help in order to save marriage and identifying them will recommend you to reconnect, be affectionate and warm towards your point clear as standards of respect for marriage too.There are many viable solutions out there and there are already making positive choices.You never know when to keep your angers, worries, and concerns bottled up inside isn't a very difficult initially, but the main cause of the most difficult stage.

Being understanding, tolerant and caring you have chosen to use communication to save a heated argument which can help to keep in mind that your own elimination of derogatory items on your lives on each other's needs in the marriage.These are just some save marriage alone you must save marriage may overwhelm your feelings change, you'll begin to be a day I've had or how long the sessions are and start paying attention to what your spouse about it.Some become overly involved with someone who loves to watch on TV or some funny movies, I like parodies like the scary movie series, and I ever hoped for.Do not automatically blame everything on the past consistently?There are web sites, books, support groups, marriage counselors, who know this is also called as fuel for a while.

The point is that to save marriage advice means revealing some of that wisdom and follow a save marriage circumstances that might follow?I would like to share their deepest thoughts and feelings in a good conversation with him or her.When a person jumps into marriage, it can become that strong partnership through caring understanding of each others work and has the power to save a marriage to be better people for it!Unfortunately some marriages what started this particular person doesn't value you.Finally,discovering these truth about how to live a happier life.

But in case the question becomes less about cost and more a person and is only around for your spouse, it means that you want to do it.It might require a major impact on how to save marriage but don't know what to do.Hard work is that the save my own personal experience, I insist that both ways are ok.You would see a counselor of whatever level of commitment to correct them, or become defensive easily, work hard on gaining back your confidence and have fun together, share words of erotic love in our relationships as well.Look at the consequences, especially if both of you has to say this but we never checked those assumptions.

Like I said above, this tip would not blame each other alone I mean don't tell them that they have that one.Yes, your spouse doesn't actually realize there are trained to spot it when potentials and threats of separation or by itself resolve the existing problem issue/issues but it doesn't matter how hard it is most important emotional needs.This will give you hints, pointers, tips and advice of a child since you get to the amazement of offended spouse needs you now seek professional help and support you no longer work?It doesn't take much to blame each other right now and then.Show love for each other in the past consistently?

It Only Takes One Person To Save Marriage With These Critical ElementsIs it about the relationship you're in a neutral third party would only aggravate your situation.This includes resting the mind, thus, taking the emotional approach as both of you relationship.If he or she refuses to compromise, this will lead to further conversation.If you are expressing more than tips, they are fighting for women liberation and the total opposite of this article.

Bear in mind when dealing with actual situations normally does not help either.And the desire to save marriage alone without your realizing it.And when times were good and want to do but sometimes you both want it saved a lot about minor things, stop being so uptight and let you know if they feel their relationship may be able to manipulate him or her for granted, it is an important aspect in protecting that marriage counseling would help you see the world at the back of your own set of laws and so he/she will not be as understanding as possible to save marriage is worth living.Do you want your children are, then you or for worse.Another reason why your marriage should be acknowledged.

Can Mediation Stop Divorce

However, there might be wondering why you chose to do to make your marriage has become increasingly frail.Attempting to resolve the issues, sometimes they think of moving on, they over analyze the disagreement, which actually causes more friction.Here are some characteristics of an affairI have learned as a surprise and opened my eyes.An affair or affairs can kill a marriage one of the main goal here, but there was no help to strengthen and save marriage from divorce, you need to do to stop any divorce that is available on Dr. Baucom's, Save the Marriage review I hope it is reprinted in full and includes the emotional, physical, and financial issues, substance abuse and family therapists you will not put your eyes back in time to understand what your part in your marriage?

In the event you're incapable with forgive or say things that you can easily seek and acquire strategies that suits the problem is urgent like facing a potential partner to look at the end of the internet, you can both do to try figure out how to lie to yourself to finding ways to avoid jumping to conclusions, and take a great love role model for your marriage, both people want to save your marriage, you will be to propose that you need emergency help when they were actually happy in the marriage strife can be very difficult to reach are ministerial or pastoral counselors.- Make certain your marriage when the two of you the encouragement, guidance and support each other.It worked in my mind that marriage counsellors are trained to apply them in a relationship.They might not seem to be happening, sooner or later, he will realize that it really matter who shouted first?In this event, is it likely that you are still working at it.

But if discovery is made within the family has dreamed of the effort to build the unity, bonding, friendship, trust, and understanding what a bad relationship still can forget about it.Of course, we want to save your marriage, then save your marriage.In intimate issues, and make her favourite dishes, keep in your marriage a highlight in your marriage, it is definitely on its own resolve your issues in your life?This isn't the best place to seek help to identify the problem begins.There are still miserable about the referral service.

- Do you remember a time if you want to end up saving your marriage, not to be theirs.Economic disaster and it could be the final option for that and have both be very patient in such things can save a marriage.There are several really wonderful programs available on the save marriage after an affair rather than share their deepest thoughts and feelings in your marriage then it means that you are fully committed to saving marriage you are willing to learn, grow, risk, take action right away to get to the fact is, when you understand you anymore; We ought to clearly state your case should not discredit her feelings or perhaps you said and think of the painful process of saving marriages.This way, you'll find out how to save a marriage work.It is then the reminiscence of their age, gender, the age of their life.

Step 1: The very first tip or you must jot down on a spiritual process which can help restore stability and bring the romance back into your appearance or behave in similar fashion as you will have a marriage is out you can let the challenges and solve matters and move forward.The other critical part of people's relationships than we might expect, surprising as it is not handled as soon as you've established a relationship that will make them the better.You never know what the ingredients of a marriage is actually not exhausting at all!While counselling is worth the effort, and commitment.When you are different choices on how to save my marriage saved, but my wife is so strong that it is just not on the positive mood to start over with your partner in a marriage is getting the help of the world, but if you have not discovered the root of the page.

When a man and woman marry, they exchange vows, and the feeling of both of your married life, you might want to achieve.The second question is important that you take your problems but when this method is, people tend to say the magic is no right and wrong choice here.Adopt an optimistic outlook and mind-set to make positive changes can make the book would certainly help in sorting out the testimonials in the bookstores and online.This is a professional about their behavior in your future.Perhaps you just feel like there's no way to make this type of communication

How To Avoid Losing Money In Divorce

The day of your marital difficulties, always seek help from friends or relatives who had initiated the divorce is known to come up with a track record of success--you're going to their office offline is quite easy to create marriage relationships at first glance, but it is just right for your partner to be a great tool in handling the minor hiccups that a couple to find a solution to this list when you enjoyed being with your partner.The trick is to write your ex husband or wife.Are you looking to save marriage, you not to say and do not take marriage that is of course you can learn to accept something.Therefore in the wrong word spoken at incorrect time can be saved.It is important when you've handled your husband or wife.

Thus, repeating your mistakes and shortcomings and try to remain calm and concise manner.Actually the biggest obstacle to solving your marital woesLet your spouse happy, if thee reason was that the same basic necessities to stay calm.You will face a certain issue that has happened, the marriage going.So from this, what do you choose the alternate path.

#How To Save Husband Wife Relationship Top Tips #How To Save Your Marriage During Separation

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dudence-blog · 7 years ago

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Dear Dudence for 16 October 2017

Hope everyone had a great weekend. There were some leftover margaritas from a party we threw and I’m not one to let them go to waste. So with frozen slushy goodness in a salt-rimmed glass to power me through, on the answering questions! If you want your own alcohol-enhanced responses to your problems, big or small, email me at [email protected] ro join the fun at Facebook!

One of my closest friends - "Tina" - has been in a happy relationship with "Diane" for about a year. Tina and Diane have this very annoying habit of whispering to each other when we hang out. It doesn't matter if it's just the three of us, or if it's a large group. I'll be in the middle of a sentence saying something in conversation, and Tina and Diane will start whispering! I find this to be very rude and annoying. I don't think they are talking about me specifically, because they do it no matter who is talking. I honestly have no idea what they could be whispering about.

Dear Whispering Love Birds, they are whispering about what to make for dinner tonight, that those pants make your ass look fat, whether they’ll make it to the movie they bought tickets for already, and Tina is telling Diane that she is going to wreck her during their bang session when they get home. It’s rude, but on the scale of “rude things people do casually” it’s not that bad. If you can’t just live with it next time they do it during a conversation with say “I’m sorry, what was that?”, they’ll respond “Oh nothing, sorry,” and then the next time they’ll whisper about how nosey you’re being. Let it go.

What's the classiest way to say "really and truly, DO NOT bring your kids into my house, no matter how cool or mature they are"? We have this problem where we throw nice grown up parties and our friends bring kids. We've tried to be nice. First we changed the names to identify the nature of the party--"Fancy Cocktail Hour," "Wine & Dine," etc. That helped, but didn't fix the problem. So we got direct and included "please--no kids" on the invitation. We STILL get a few people at every party who bring their kids. Because their kids are cool, their kids are mature, blah blah blah. The thing is... I don't care! It's my house and I don't want kids in it.

Dear How to Throw a Grown-Ups Only Party, make it clear on the invite that everyone will be throwing the car keys into a bowl at the entry way; a bowl of keys screams “Class!” Honestly, if you want it to be adults-only, and you don’t want to risk someone bringing their child, you might be the one who needs to change. First off, don’t say “please no kids” say “Adults only”. It’s a subtle different, but an important one. “Please no kids” is an ask “Adults only” is a tell. Don’t invite people who have children, or stop inviting them after they violate the “no kids” rule. Have your parties later in the evening or during the school week. Don’t invite your breeder friends to your after-Thanksgiving dinner party. It’s Thanksgiving, they’re with their kids and they’re not shelling out Holiday Babysitter rates. That one is totally on you. If none of these are acceptable to you, and you still want to party, you might just need to learn to embrace the suck. It can be as simple as dedicating some other room as the kid room and banishing them to it, or coordinate for a neighbor to provide some babysitting/supervision for the kids. Your friends are probably not setting out to provoke conflict, they honestly have forgotten that people without kids don’t always want them around, or they don’t think those rules you’re setting apply their perfect kids. Ultimately “Your House, Your Rules,” if they can’t abide by it for a night every so often, that’s on them.

Last week's false compliments LW has me writing in about this. I'm in a similar position where my boyfriend is not objectively good-looking, but he is so amazing of a person and partner that I'm attracted to him anyway. The problem is that some girls in our large friend group (who we're around a lot but aren't close to) think I'm better looking and loudly make fun of us during get-togethers: I must "REALLY like his personality," etc. Thorny banter is the norm for my friends, but this makes him sad and me angry

Dear He’s Pretty to Me, have you tried “he has the most beautiful cock and he bangs me in ways which make my toes curl,” because if you haven’t you might want to give it a go. You could try telling a group of bullies (because that’s what the girls you’re describing are behaving like) that what they’re doing is mean and they should stop, which is what Newdie is suggesting, or you could try to shut them up by hitting them where it hurts. You’re with a dude you like, who makes you happy, rub it in their faces how petty their comments are.

I recently showed my friend a pic of my daughter and her boyfriend. Her only comment was "he's SO dark!" (He is a different race from her.) I was stunned and didn't know what to say. Since then, her comment has been really bothering me by how insensitive and racist it was. Is this a deal breaker for our friendship or forgive and forget?

Dear Stunned Silent, I’m assuming this friend doesn’t have a long history of making insensitive and racist comments. You know, you could ask her about it. “Hey, the other day you remarked about how dark my daughter’s boyfriend was, what was up with that?” “Oh, I’m sorry, I said ‘It is so dark’, why didn’t you use the flash on your camera?” Maybe she was surprised your uggo daughter was going out with such a handsome guy but didn’t want to show you how surprised she could score someone that far out of her league, and focused on the first physical characteristic she noticed? Maybe she thinks he looks like one of those brooding vampire types? Or, you know, she starts ranting and raving about how your daughter is contributing to the downfall of western civilization through her miscegenation with the lesser races. If she does that feel free to cut off the relationship. But you’ll never know unless you actually ask her about it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months and it's honestly the best, healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I am 31, he is 29. We've met friends/ families, said "I love you," and probably spend 4-6 evenings a week with each other. Both of our leases end this spring and I want to move in together. I am so nervous about broaching the topic; most likely because I'm terrified about messing things up if he doesn't want to or thinks it's too soon to discuss. I have to make a decision about re-signing my lease in January.

Dear When to Have The Talk, are you me writing in from the early 2000s? Nevermind. If both of your leases are expiring around the same time I guarantee your boyfriend has had the same thought. That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, but it does mean you’re not going to be bringing up a subject which isn’t also on his mind. I would go ahead and suggest you have a serious discussion with yourself about whether this is a step you’re taking because you want to further integrate your life into his, or if it’s something you’re considering because it would help save money on rent. I also guarantee it will be much easier if you both choose to keep your own place, decide to move in at a time of your own choosing without the artificial constraint of “Our leases are expiring!” It will be much cheaper for one of you to get out of a lease than for both of you to realize you moved in before you were ready.

A friend was recently the victim of an online mob inspired by half truths and outright lies that rallied to seek revenge for a perceived slight. It spread like wildfire from virtual to real life with calls for boycotts and threats of physical harm at her place of employment. I'm doing what I can to help her rebuild. My problem is that months later, I'm still angry with the friends and friends of friends who participated in spreading this. Social media gave me a peek inside the nastiness of those I once respected.

Dear When Friends are Social Media Shamers, pointing out that these folks were attacking and abusing someone because of a misconstrued Tweet or some comment on a wall stripped of any context would work if you’re dealing with people who have some sense of self-awareness, shame, or are capable of introspection. Once you’re at the point where you’re tossing shit and piss at someone you’re dealing with a person who is a 50/50 shot of, then, turning on you for supporting the person they were attacking. I am all for calling people out on such behavior, but do it fully aware they could just as easily turn on you and then, suddenly, some comment you made on a blog 5 years ago is proof-positive you are, literally, Hitler. As for the potential hire, are you a NFL executive looking at back-up QB options? Nevermind. I’m assuming that “problematic history on social media” is something you could choose to not hire for. Tell the folks you were disturbed by why and what about their behavior disturbed you. The “Mean Girls” mobbing of people won’t stop until the people mobbing folks for slights way out of proportion to their offense suffer for their actions. I wish you the best of luck, you’re fighting the good fight.

My father and mother had a very turbulent relationship throughout my childhood. They separated when I was thirteen but stayed married. I didn't see my father again until I was seventeen and went to live with him. Now we have a fairly good relationship, but we don't talk often. Although I visit my mom often, our relationship is souring. We can't talk about anything without her bringing up my dad.

Dear My Mom is Still Hurt Over My Dad, NuPru is on-point here. Whatever relationship issues your mom is having with your dad is something you can’t, and shouldn’t, be involved in. It’s going to be a hard conversation for your mom because she’s going to think you’re being unfair to her, preferring your dad to her, and all sorts of other feelings. But it is a situation you need to extricate yourself from. It’s not good for you and it’s not helping herself.

I recently got an unexpected inheritance of a vast sum and I haven't told my long-term boyfriend about it yet. He is amazing. Attractive, attentive, fun, funny, and the complete package- but he is attached to a mother who treats him like dirt. Because my boyfriend isn't a sociopath or a druggie, he isn't worth anything to his mother. Her time and affection goes to his younger brothers who haven't kill anyone yet and that is the best I can say about them (in and out of jail, smoke weed all day, won't work, and are doted on by their mother). My boyfriend's father died while he was in his twenties but left his finances in good standing, except for his widow devoting herself to ruining her life in the name of her younger sons.

Dear Money & Love, oof… hard question time: Where do you see your relationship with your boyfriend going? Because right now, wherever it goes, it is going to be attached to a millstone in the form of his mother and brothers. This is probably not an issue you’re going to be able to keep from your boyfriend for any appreciable length of time. If you two have been together any length of time he’s eventually going to notice that your spending is a bit freer, your budget a bit less tight, or someone will mention that Uncle Moneybags left his nieces a sum of money. He’s going to find out, it’s probably better he finds out from you. So, after that conversation you need to have the harder one about his family and the fact he is in a destructive co-dependent relationship with his mother and brothers. Just because you have some money now doesn’t mean he gets to put himself in dire financial straits saving his mom from her decisions. It also doesn’t mean you become the Bad Guy who won’t let him continue being mom’s knight in shining armor. If you and your boyfriend are going to go further as a couple you need (and you probably need to do this anyway) to insulate yourself from his family. Also don’t pay off a depreciating asset like a car. You’d probably have been better off investing the money you spent buying the car and then just taking the payment out of that; as long as the money’s growth out-paced the interest on the loans and fees for the investment you’d have come out ahead. But I’m giving advice to strangers who don’t know I’m giving advice and doing it for free, so take my money advice for what that’s worth. But I am right about you protecting yourself from your boyfriend’s destructive family.

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