#so i guess the clients did stress me but more because i didn't fucking want to work on crypto projects than because they were unpleasant lo

[branmer]

i will be sad tho (obviously you've all seen me crying and wailing and snottering like a baby) if i can't continue in an art career. i like working with clients and making things for people, and i've found that largely speaking im lucky enough to have a natural professional compartmentalisation that means i don't feel particularly attached to client work and im mostly not bothered when a client doesn't like something ive done/wants a lot of changes unless their demands become outrageous. i can count on my hand the times a client has actually really upset me, and that was usually when i had other stressors going on. idk there's a fairly firm divide in my head between my professional and personal work

[thelikesoffinn]

Hello Finn! You said you'd give advice for fanfiction, I think and I'm a bit desperate so I hope you can help me!

A follower asked me to write about Tav killing herself to be free from ascended Astarion and I have a lot of trouble with writing his reaction because I really don't know how he'd react to that???? It's stressig me out so much pls help me

Hello there, petal!

I think this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a while, I'm so sorry. I haven't been on top of it lately. (But I'm getting to it, I swear! I know a few people are still asking why I hate Astarions reaction to Tav's romp with Mizora and I'll definitely get to that, do not fret!)

But anyway, let's see how I can help, shall we? I did a bit of research and watched a ton of ascended Astarion content so that I could actually give you proper advice and ohhh boy, when I tell you that I've had clients like him before...blegh. But, as always, do take it with a grain of salt because I'm no expert. Just a social worker with a lot of time to watch vampire videos, apparently, haha.

So, to recap: Your Tav committs suicide in order to escape from ascended Astarions grasp. And I guess he only finds out after, seeing as you need his reaction, yes?

I can see why that would be stressful, but it's probably less because you really don't know how he'd react and more because there's a disconnect between the reaction he'd actually have and the reaction we all want.

As both a writer and a reader I'm not ashamed to admit that I'd want him to suffer. I'd want him to realise all his faults and where he went wrong and I'd want him to cry because he fucked it all up, so much so that he's now lost the one person that loved him despite everything he has done.

But with ascended Astarion, I don't think a reaction like that would be very likely. True vampires are a bit difficult when it comes to things like guilt and shame and loss, as in they don't really seem to take it the way normal people would.

Or, rather: They can't react to them the same way normal people would.

Where a normal person would go through an entire circle of mourning, a true vampire is probably going to throw a tantrum and create a demiplane that he can sulk in. (Looking at you, Strahd.)

Instead of sadness, It's very likely that he'd react with anger. A LOT of anger. The anger likely won't be self-directed - at most a little annoyance because he didn't lock them up harder and more securely - but it will most definitely be directed at Tav.

I don't think I need to explain that while ascended Astarion does not really love Tav anymore he does want them.

Tav is his. Their entire being belongs to just him. Only he get's to decide when and if they're allowed to die. They're his to destroy and his alone. So how dare they kill themself without his permission? How dare they take away what's rightfully his!?

And just as anger replaces sadness, it's very likely that blame overshadows guilt and shame. So he doesn't feel shame over how he treated Tav. He doesn't feel guilt over how he drove them to suicide. No, instead he blames Tav for their decision because they're spoiled and unthankful.

He is not the problem, they are. He gave them everything. Everything one could ever want, they had. He game them power. He gave them wealth. A palace. A life filled with all sorts of pleasure, right by his side. He granted them eternal fucking life. What more could they want? What more could anyone want? He did everything for them, and they threw it right back at him like a spoiled little brat. He should've been sterner, should've kept them on a tighter leash. Should have showed them his bad side so that they'd learn what staying on his good side meant.

The only thing he'd probably actually feel is loss, but once again... it'd be different. It's probably less the gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness that suddenly haunts you when you remember that you won't ever get to speak to someone again because they're no longer here and more the upset of loosing a beloved item. So more of a 'fucking hell that was my favourite fucking thing and now it's gone'. There'd probably be some despair in there because he can't simply replace Tav but that despair is, once again, likely tied to his possessiveness and not to true loss. He'd be desperate because he wants them - he wants them - but not because he's just lost the one he loves.

That's probably the reaction I'd expect of ascended Astarion and, as you can tell: It's not what one would expect of a fanfiction, yes? We'd expect the heartbreak and the sorrow, the guilt and the tears because we love Astarion and Astarion is supposed to love Tav. We want him to love Tav. And those who like him ascended want him to love Tav even as his ascended self.

Now, does that mean the reaction I described wouldn't make a good stroy? Absolutely not! In fact, I do believe it would be a nice switch up in between the very heavily romanticised ascended-fics because it adds that shot of realism. (As much realism as a high-elf-vampire can have, at least.)

So, what I'm trying to say is: Don't worry too much about what is "correct" and what isn't and instead focus on what you want to achieve. If you want to hit your readers with the sad truth of ascended Astarion, maybe go for the approach I described. And if you want to be a bit softer and more romantic, have the boy cry tears of woe.

Or you could go totally crazy and do both things - have someone watch him and describe how they see it - the points I just mentioned - but once you describe what's happening inside him, go full on romance novel and break our hearts!

Find your own path, petal, I'm sure it will be a lovely read either way!

[mustfindcreativeusername]

Granada Holmes season 1 thoughts

I (finally) started watching this with my grandma and my roommate, who decided to join us. Unfortunately grandma wasn't impressed (pacing) so she dropped it after ep 4. But me and my roommate are enjoying it! So now we're watching it together, 1 ep/day.

Anyway here are my very unfiltered thoughts. Straight from the notes app

--

1- SCAN (30 iul)

Yessss. I liked it. A lot. Loved the disguises, i didn't even recognise him in the first disguise.

..why did they change it to "Irena" tho?? At least that's how they pronounced it. Weird.

At least they didn't butcher her personality

2. DANC (31 iul)

I liked this but it seemed slower. And after they get the bad news i feel like it should've been a bit.. worse? At least make the wounds more horrible. And why is Elsie still in the house? They had time to get her to a hospital.

3. NAVA (1 aug)

I hadn't read this one so i didn't know what to expect. I liked it. We made a lot of fun of Percy. I thought at one point that he had hidden them and was playing it up but no, he really was that dramatic.

Poor Holmes hurt his hand :(

Also very funny, i actually hurt my hand like 10 minutes after the episode ended.

Like during the episode I was all "awww do you want one of my pink peppa pig bandaids :(" and guess what. Guess fucking what.

4. SOLI (2 aug)

Well well well

I enjoyed this

I especially enjoyed Holmes beating up that creep

I have not read this story either but i listened to the Sherlock and Co episode. So i kinda knew the basics but not too much, yk.

My roommate appreciated how polite Holmes was with miss Smith. And i was reminded of that one part in the books where Holmes said that he thought of one of his clients like his own daughter. (Don't know what story it's from tho, i only saw it in screenshots on here)

I think it had a good ratio of intense (the obvious) and funny (holmes being kinda mean to watson, the ending :) )

Also the whole wedding in the woods bit was insane. Who would really think that that's enforceable. Jeez.

5. CROO (4 aug)

I mean it was alright. The "david" thing was a bit weird? Especially because she muttered it in her sleep? Like i guess it's something like calling someone a karen but still. The fact that she still said "david" in her sleep was odd.

Also what... How could someone do that? Indirectly (try to) kill a person who trusts you bc you like their girlfriend. That's insane.

He had it coming. Too bad it took 30 years🤷

Also Holmes being mean to that guy in the beginning was hilarious.

Oh oh and Watson's deduction at the end? "Elementary, my dear Holmes" :)))) that was good. We cheered for him

6. SPEC (5 aug)

AAAHH YEAASSSS YESS FINALLY this is my favourite story from the books, it's one of the ones i read when i was around 10 and it was my favourite then and yeah. Love it.

But yeah loved to finally see it on screen. I imagined the snake bigger and spotty-er but yeah. Oh and i loved the interactions between Holmes and Watson. And between them and Miss Stoner. (I told my roommate if i see one more person describe him as cold and emotionless, I'm throwing hands)

I liked that Holmes kinda felt bad for bringing Watson along because it was so dangerous, only for Watson to immediately go anything for you Beyonce :))

And then in the room, his hand shaking? Quality content. Bc yeah. It's a wild animal, it's unpredictable. (Super stressed at the end when he picked it up?? In his hands?? Like yea the leash was there but bruh-)

Also poor Watson being woken up twice :)) (does Holmes know how to wake someone Watson up like a normal person? Unclear)

Also also- "my intimate friend"

Yes

7. BLUE (6 aug)

Right so i do know the original story but i read it a while ago. I still think it's nice that they let the guy go but i remembered him more sympathetic in the books. Idk. Also, did Holmes keep the stone? I thought it was a bit of an odd choice. And how were they able to free the plumber guy without the culprit or the stone? Ehh yeaah, odd.

Also is everyone forgetting that Holmes and Watson aren't the only ones who know that the carbuncle is with them??

Anyway

God he looked so different at the beginning of the episode, before he did his hair. Also my roommate made a comment about having cigarettes for breakfast and. Yeah, petition to have this guy eat a normal meal?? *Sigh*

Also why did we see Watson with a bunch of presents and then never saw any one of them opened? Chehov's Christmas presents. I wanted to see what he got for Holmes

(At least we have the Sherlock and co episode...)

[diary-in-disguise]

One Cruel Joke 11/1/22

Oh god. How come whenever I have an actual decent day, its followed by a completely abnormal shit day. I had about 3 good days, Sunday was "eh" but i was on a good track. But man oh man, today was just awful. Like what kind of sick joke of a day is this? So much "wtf". It all started when i woke up. Something just didn't feel right at all. For some reason i started remembering some more dreams I had. You see, last night I dreamed about a university in the snow, and i was running from something, then i suddenly turned into Garfield and run in the snow. It was really bothering me because i was just done with dreaming. and...now im having a mini meltdown even when saying that-I feel bad i have to turn so much pain off in points of my life. Distancing from my family and now my own dreams.

Anyways, I found it really abnormal my brain was like check summing or filling the blanks to complete these dreams. It made me confused on if these were truly dreams i have even had. Anyways even as i type this i remember yet another weird one, i remember this one dream i had when i was going on trip and driving through Charleston again and ended up in this hotel that was expiring my room. Ok anyways im going to just keep writing this entry. So i keep telling my mind i am for sure 100% accurate on my remembering like i could never forget how familiar that dream is. Well anyways next i made spaghetti, i was super hungry. Well i took only 2 bites because the sauce was not good.

It sucked, anyways my week is too busy this week. Its really a damn shame. I pretty much entered work on Monday and a fuck ton of stuff just fell on me. No wonder this world is declining in quality when we have too much to do. Anyways i wasn't dreading work too-too much atleast. Until about 10am when the office hours first class was just completely bare. Hardly anyone. It was so awkward and annoying. But the conversation flowed smooth atleast, same with the second section but huge bummer because the FUCKING DIRECTOR came in and was awkward, probably wondering why its dead but whatever. Then i had to do a demo for a client later at 2:30 though and i encountered my first rude customer for the first time at this job. I was so annoyed with hte manners on him, this is a tech call not a mcdonalds. Basically i answered his question and then asked him "Did I answer your question" and he scoffed and said "I don't know, aren't you the "expert" all sarcastically. Fuck that guy, probably another misogynistic piece of shit. I was just surprised today was my 2 year work anniversary at this company and this fuck had to be rude on it. Anyways i had a huge stress headache at the end of it all. I RARELY get headaches but i guess it didnt escape me today.

Anyways i forgot to mention my grandma insulted my hair. I hate when that bitch has to insult my hair. I have never been called beautiful or pretty once from that woman. I never will! It is honestly so annoying when i try to be a good person and help her and she just has to trigger my bad thoughts in regards to my hair. So i basically spent all day with this nagging insecurity about my hair, i have walked by that stupid mirror so many times just to puff it up I feel too insecure about it now. I hope this passes fast because i am mentally not wanting this either. It took me about 3 months last time she did it.

Anyways I have tried fostering the love emotion in me. I was contacted by a guy who i liked a little, not the most to like date him tomorrow or anything, but i really was enjoying our conversations and was feeling like i was opening up to him more. We have known eachother for awhile and we just were getting along well the past few days. I was really getting into the conversations. Well anyways i was completely 360 wrecked when he got snappy at me because i misunderstood he WANTED TO DATE HIS COUSIN. bitch, WHAAAAAT? It caught me so off guard I was just completely thrown off I had to ask him 3 times. Anyways I probably will start drifting from this guy now, thanks world. For the "wtf" of an announcement. But you know what thankfully I have the reason to know ATLEAST IT WONT WORKOUT. Or maybe it will because the world be like that.

Anyways, I just feel really overwhelmed now. I for some reason just feel really worthless and dulled. It is like finding people you feel like awaken a creativity in you others dont seem to wake because of how into the conversation i was getting in. Anyways I guess i will keep searching, and am over it now. I'm more just hoping the world doesnt do this again if I truly do find someone.

Its like everyone I talk to is a glazed eye zombie. I talk to people in real life and its like when i say something that tries to dig deeper about myself, its like i somehow glitch the matrix because their faces always freeze in an unattentive glare and they turn away, not acknowledging it. Its like i wasnt supposed to ask that, or the programming was hit somehow. Anyways I feel like that guy from XXXHolic manga, like I am only existing in both the real world and spirit world, but only the spirit world speaks to me and im invisible in the real one. Oh god its exactly that im some weird mid dimension spirit getting ignored by the dead. So much suck! I guess thats all. I feel like i was making so much progress on my mental health lately and it just kind of feels like im back to square one. Same bed, same situation. Too many obstacles in between.

Oh god now the ESFJ INFJ thing compared me to him, a failure! Thats just the cherry on top of the shit day sundae

[dzpenumbra]

10/25/22

Welp, I finally pulled the trigger and smoked for the first time in like... a week or more. The time passed went real quick. I guess I still have most of my tolerance because I was using the tincture at night, but the high with that is suuuuper subtle, very different. I'm definitely feeling it, even though I only smoked like half a hit tonight. Didn't wanna get obliterated. And I smoked a mix of the two hybrids. So it's a nice kinda energetic but still glowy kinda high. I'm still pretty sleep deprived so I wanted to play it "safe", I'm noticing that I'm much more prone to freakouts when I'm stressed and sleep-deprived.

But I feel good right now, which is overdue and earned. I started the morning with a text from my dad, who has been giving me advice on my business by quoting Warren Buffett and Richard Branson (I think?) to me. You know, two very well-known successful self-employed solo multimedia artists... Not two elderly billionaires...

Apparently the problem with my art business is that I am bad at "marketing and communication". Not that I have no social media presence, no friends, no clients and literally no one even asks me what I'm working on or shows half an interest in my libraries of past projects. And the worst part, I said this to him verbatim. Maybe a 2 page text is just too fucking long for people to read and retain the information. Maybe they just skim looking for key words, something that confirms their biases. Then they start writing their own 2 page thesis to complete the cycle. What a waste.

I was on the fence about reopening this can of worms. It's clearly not good. I just start the day with a critique of my life. Not with questions to learn more details, not with offerings of assistance or contribution, but with unsolicited criticism and analysis. Like my life is an interesting article he found and wants to study until it bores him. He's not the only one I've known that's done this, a lot of people do this. It's... well... it's decimating. It destroys your sense of self-worth, it makes you a paranoid wreck, you start questioning your own perceptions of reality. At least I do. But I'm a very romantic, imaginative type, so... maybe I shouldn't speak in generalities, but if you're anything like me this is what it does.

I got a bit upset. I asked him what he was offering. He withdrew, saying he was just going to offer his theories, and then ran off to lunch and essentially hung up on a text conversation. I couldn't be fuckin bothered, I went about my day. But I left a message there that I might send him an unsolicited critique of his business, see how that goes over sometime.

Ugh. Enough of that, lets go on to something more positive - drugging my cat and bringing her to get her blood drawn. Yay! So... I got Max her meds after the text stuff. Put it in chicken. She was really doped up in the AM, like... wobbly on her feet, barely awake, bumping into things. It's always hard. With Cerry it was easier to just go "yeah, she's just really high right now" because Cerry was much more laid back and bubbly. Max was just... fucked up. And clearly very fucked up. Like I was afraid the dose might have been too high. But yeah, kinda went a little helicopter parent with that one. We did have some fun with it eventually. But I got the meds to her around the time window needed. I got her to the vet. She was great, barely even flinched or pulled. Got the blood first try. It went great. I got some stuff for her gingivitis to put in her food, even more supplements. I'm sure she'll get used to it in time.

We got home. My mom and I talked in the driveway for like... an hour or something. It was helpful, she's on the same page as me now on a lot of stuff, and it's really helping me not feel batshit crazy. When everyone just treats you like "oh making art is easy", "oh starting your own business with no help and no friends is easy", "i have no idea why you would be struggling with this", "you just need to try harder" Stupid, ignorant, lazy, ill-informed shit like that. When you get nothing but that, you (well... I) start to question reality. I wrote it on my whiteboard like 2+ years ago in red ink - Stockholm Syndrome.

I think it might be one of my big blindspots. Where I kinda just default to "well they probably know what they're talking about, I should defer to their judgment". Like "doctor's orders". I don't know how to define it... but if I'm surrounded by the deprecating opinions of someone that I consider a friend - someone bonded, who I trust and defer to for perspective - then I often start questioning my own perspective, in an effort to grow, optimize and improve. And I just sorta absorb their contradicting information, assuming truthfulness, because what reason would anyone have to lie to my goddamn face? Why would anyone put on the mask of a friend, lover or family member and use that costume to lower my defenses and earn my trust - only to hide their true self, and use it for their own personal amusement?

Maybe I'm naive, maybe I'm a dreamer. But I feel like a big part of being a good person yourself is to give others the benefit of the doubt that they are works in progress as well. That we're all constantly in flux, and learning every day. Well.... at least we are all capable of growing and working on ourselves every day. I truly do believe that. My faith is rooted in it. That even a wild coyote or shark has a heart, and is capable of learning. Okay... well a shark might be a good analogy for the shit I must be missing, because I'm looking at that again and going... well... a shark is always going to be a shark...

So with wild dogs, totally, you can get them to come around. I believe that about domestic dogs too. I try really hard not to question my faith with that. I'm sure with some they're just so deeply traumatized that there's really not much left there... so that I'm really not sure? I guess I'm just not personally experienced with that level of extreme first-hand? Or maybe I am? I don't know. I'm really trying to keep an open-mind across the board on this one. So... what about wild cats? Like a mountain lion or something? Can you domesticate those? Can you expect warmth and affection, bonding out of those? I mean... I've seen panthers cuddling with dogs and people before, I think it's well within reason... So the further down the animal kingdom we go, the tougher it gets. Bugs and shit it's like... I don't know how much there really is the bond with there...

But people, we're all in the same group, and we're all way up at the top as far as complexity of bonding and cognitive function. At least, as far as we know. So... we should all be much more capable than sharks or cats to learn how to coexist and adapt. To learn and see at very least at a survival level that being a good friend, good mate and good family member - keeping that relationship in good standing - is mutually beneficial to survival. Power in numbers, safety in numbers. There is a biological imperative to take care of eachother, at a core level. So I really don't know how people can just... have that shut off. Or voluntarily turn that off. I don't know. Maybe some people have that function impaired? I guess that's a theory of modern psychology? Genetic mutation, or chemical imbalance or something? I imagine if that is the case it would have to be phenomenally rare. But maybe the population boom is making those statistical anomalies more visible? I don't know anymore, it's all so complicated.

So maybe my whole thing of just having faith in the goodness of people is a coping mechanism to keep me from thinking about the evil of people. To not even entertain the thought, because of how horrifying it is. And how you can just turn into a paranoid wreck who trusts absolutely no one in the drop of a dime, and have mountains of evidence to reinforce that decision. Maybe having faith in the goodness of man is the only thing that keeps me from running off into the woods in like Alaska or some shit and just never coming back. Just hanging out with dogs and cats and racoons and foxes and shit, exploring the woods, collecting stones and elk and moose antlers. Making art and recording music. For who? Oh... there it is.

I guess we're going full circle. Let's really think about that. If I were on the North fucking Pole alone, in a bunker, for 20 years. Knowing full-well that no one would have any contact with my work until the time was up... I would still make art and music. And write. Constantly. As much as possible. And collect stories and memories. Memorable moments in video games, like when me and my friend Reaper made a bridge to drive a giant drilling rig across a canyon in Space Engineers, and I flew my Pelican shuttle backwards right in front of him so I could guide him across because he couldn't see the wheels and needed to have them perfectly lined up or else the whole thing was going into the canyon. Like making an Apothecary Shop in Minecraft creative mode with Chisels and Bits, and putting actual animated fluid bits into the little potion jars and making glass display cases full of them. Like a Rimworld colony I had way back when Sparkles (my builder) and the other builder (I don't remember his name) had spent so much time building together that they fell in love and got married, and it warmed my heart so much! Memorable moments in life, like when I went hiking at the river and came across a Red-Tailed Hawk that was on the ground for some reason. He flew up to a broken tree trunk that was like... 12 feet tall? And just perched up there and eyed me for a bit. I just stood there with him, probably... 5 yards away? Barefoot, sleeveless tee, backpack on, just staying still and sharing the space with him for a few minutes until he decided to move on.

To me, life is all about these moments. And capturing and cherishing these moments. Even the bad ones, unfortunately, in their own way. And I really feel like even if I were tossed in a rocket and blasted off to a moon base for the rest of my life, I would be doing this. I would be making a garden in my head and tending it regularly, waiting for inspiration to bloom. And when it inevitably does, to capture it to the best of my abilities. And bring it into the world, like birthing a child. I see that as my purpose, as a human. The purpose of my life. And I think I'd really be doing it no matter what circumstance you put me in. Like Picasso said --- okay, it's not what I thought it was. See, in college I was taught that the quote was like... if you put me in jail, I would paint with my own blood. But maybe that wasn't him? Or maybe someone misquoted? The actual quote is:

"We artists are indestructible; even in a prison, or in a concentration camp, I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell."

So yeah, I got lost in reading quotes there. I'm kinda saying for like the third time that this life kinda just keeps choosing me. And a few years back, I stopped fighting it. It worked very well for me in college, I was very prolific. I just needed the right facilities, company around me to keep me sane during grueling 10+ hour marathon painting sessions, and some form of loose guidance (wasn't really necessary, honestly). A few years back, like 6+ months after my breakup, I really just... really decided to stop trying to superimpose a new life on top of mine. I stopped trying to just cram myself into a 9-5 formula and mold myself into what "society" wanted me to be. I went the other direction. I tried to engineer custom careers, relationships, workflow, all of it around what I naturally tend to gravitate back to. To stop fighting my natural impulses. To discern between primitive impulses (like wanting to smoke, wanting to have sex, being hungry, wanting to distract myself) and creative impulses. To be a bit more deliberate and mindful of the way I use these things, rather than just doing things for the sake of doing them. Which has never really been my style at my core, but society can teach a lot of nasty habits.

So I started to be deliberate about when and how I smoke tobacco, what I used it for. That one took the longest and was definitely the hardest. Sex has always been pretty easy to control, especially in isolation and having a very deeply strong link between physical and emotional feelings. I feel like... a really big part of being present in your life, is not just being on autopilot or doing things because it's what you're supposed to be doing. Like actually actively engaging with things and... well I guess that would make me a fan of mindfulness. I hate how people just... fuck with words and add subtext to make them "lame" or whatever.

Actually chewing and tasting your food, paying attention to the flavors and the textures. Not rushing to chew it as fast as possible and get it the fuck over with so you can get on to your next thing that you're going to get over with too. Slowing the fuck down and being in the moment. I try to live in that place. The Now. And people who are frantically trying to generate money, or consume "content", or rush rush rush to the next thing on the agenda? They would claw the fucking walls screaming if they were in my life for like... an hour. Tops.

So... I would consider this life "work". Considering most people choose the safety and security of a 9-5 and that kinda shit. And I seem like I'm oddly built for it. So I've been leaning in to it. And I've made some of my best work by leaps and bounds because of this. I am eternally grateful that Past Me made the decision to reconnect with all of the best parts of his past, and revive them. Create a home for them. It's the foundation on which my life today stands.

I'm still trying to figure it out, of course, how to make it work financially and everything. But it'll come together in time. Once I find people who believe in what I do, and want to experience my creations and share them with others.

Wow, all that off of a convo with my mom. It clearly went well.

Me and Max spent the rest of the day laying low. I was going to smoke during the day... for the third day in a row... and blew it off. "I don't want to be high in case Max tries to jump off something and hurts herself", "I don't want to cook when I'm high", "I don't have any media that doesn't have potentially dark content to play in the background while I'm playing Minecraft". So I just put off smoking until before this. Still a bit more paranoid than I'd like, half a hit isn't gonna fuck me up so bad that I burn my house down... that's paranoid shit and I don't like it. But yeah. That's just kinda where I was at today.

So Max is doing much better, she's walking more naturally now, much more alert. Almost wanted to play a bit towards bedtime. And we'll hear back on the blood results... whenever they get back to me, probably a few days.

Big day, get to catch up on sleep now. This was a hell of an existential tangent tonight, thanks for taking the ride with me.

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (SPECIAL CHAPTER)

⇒ a glimpse of life with Jeon Jeongguk now that you can see colors.

Pairing: Dad!Jungkook x Mom!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Genre/Warnings: established relationship au, fluff, soulmate au.

Note: This is a special chapter for YOUR EYES TELL so it contains spoiler from said fic.

drabble: your eyes tell - special chapter part 2

The total solar eclipse, a black pearl necklace being auctioned for nine hundred two thousand dollars, and you glaring at Jeon Jeongguk.

These things were rare occurrences, but it looked like the last event you had mentioned would happen more frequently.

"I said no, Jeongguk."

Jeongguk. After being together for half a decade now, your husband still shuddered with fear every time you called him using his given name.

Why couldn't you just call him Gukkie? Did he fuck up so bad that you refused to coo his favorite nickname anymore?

"But—"

Your husband tried to reason out; however, when he saw how your glare became angrier, he stopped for a few moments.

Your cheeks were flushing. This didn't look good. You were making Jeongguk nervous.

"I really wanna move back to Seoul," he tried pouting his lips since he knew you could never resist his cute face.

He knew his plan was working when you suddenly clamped your eyes shut, refusing to look at him.

"I-It's not easy to just go back to the capital, Gukkie. Our life is literally here."

Here as in Busan. You and Jeongguk decided to settle down in his hometown the second you found out that you were pregnant.

You two figured that it would be best to raise your kid in a place where she could interact with nature. Busan was known for its beaches and mountains, unlike in Seoul where you would only be surrounded by tall buildings and hustlers.

Your kid shouldn't be in a stressful city at a very young age. Jeongguk knew this too, this was why you couldn't understand why he wanted to buy a house in Seoul.

"No, it's not." Jeongguk was still pouting while shaking his head. "You're a corporate lawyer and most businesses operate in Seoul. You barely have clients here."

He was right.

"Besides, Red wants to form a partnership with you. You know it's a good offer..."

You stayed quiet for a while, only biting your lower lip because you were aware that he made a point—a good point. But then again, you also knew that he wasn't saying these things for the advancement of your career.

He only wanted to go back to Seoul because "you want Chae-won to be close to Beomgyu, right?"

Chae-won. This was the name of your four year-old daughter. Chae meant color while won meant beginning.

You and Jeongguk thought that the name suited your daughter since Chae-won was made out of love, and love in your world signified the time you began to see the pretty hues.

"W-Well yeah..." Jeongguk was stuttering, trying so hard to find an excuse. "B-But it's also because I miss city life! I miss our friends! Don't you miss Jimin-hyung? Seokjin-hyung? Red?"

Jeongguk mentioned the Kim couple as if he was implying something. Admittedly, he had been trying to include them in literally every conversation you two were having, and the reason behind this was because of Beomgyu, the first born of Seokjin and Red.

Beomgyu and Chae-won were born in the same year. The former being three months older than your daughter. The two of them only met once since the Kims lived in Seoul—which was also the sole reason why Jeongguk wanted to move back to the capital in the first place.

Chae-won and Beomgyu met two weeks ago, meaning it had also been fourteen days since your daughter started seeing colors.

You could never forget that day.

Chae-won came crying to her father, hugging his left leg as if her life depended on it.

"B-Baby...what's wrong?" Jeongguk's face was pale. He could feel the tears pricking at his eyes.

He had always been like this. Jeongguk would cry when he saw his loved ones crying too.

"Appa! My eyes!" Chae-won used her free hand to rub her eye. She was doing it vigorously, as if she wanted to get rid of it.

"What happened to your eyes, my love?" You kneeled beside your daughter, stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her down.

It was obvious that your husband was losing his shit. At least one of you should try to stay calm, right?

"I-It's too bright, Mam..." Beomgyu was the one who answered on behalf of Chae-won.

You switched your gaze at Beomgyu, amazed because of how respectful he was. He was the only kid who called you Mam.

"Oh, my God..." Red suddenly gasped, covering her mouth when she realized something.

"D-Do you think they're..." Seokjin's wife stared at you, eyes widening as she trailed off.

"They're what?" Mr. Kim raised a brow, looking at his son and Chae-won.

"Soulmates?" Jeongguk supplied, unsure.

The four of you remained quiet. The only sounds that could be heard were Chae-won's sobs and Beomgyu's ragged breathing.

The four year-old boy didn't understand why his heart hurt so much just because Chae-won was crying. He wanted to wipe her tears away.

"Jeongguk..." You were the one who broke the silence. You glared at your husband because you felt like he just uttered the most absurd thing ever.

Sure, Jeongguk became a romantic when he finally accepted the idea of soulmates, but...wasn't he being a little too much?

Chae-won and Beomgyu were still young.

"I mean...it's a possibility, right? Chae-won started to cry when I told her to go play with Beomgyu." Jeongguk said, squatting to carry his baby girl.

You stood up, feeling a little uncomfortable with your position.

The six of you were inside the Kims' mansion. Red and Seokjin invited your family for dinner when they learned that you were in Seoul to attend Ji-eun's birthday party.

Actually, you would be staying here in Seoul for three days because Namjoon said he couldn't plan his daughter's birthday on his own. Even after four years, Namjoon was still chaotic as ever.

He refused to date, already happy with his life with Ji-eun.

"So are you saying that the world is so small that the daughter of my ex and my husband's former lawyer is the soulmate of my son?" Red chuckled, amused.

She wasn't sure whether to side with Jeongguk or not. But then again, they just couldn't ignore the mentioned possibility.

Fate always had its way of confusing the shit out of people.

"We can bring them to a doctor, if you want..." Seokjin blurted out, pulling Red closer to him as he patted his son's head.

Beomgyu was still staring at Chae-won, contemplating whether he should embrace her or wipe her tears away.

In the end, the little boy chose the former option, causing Jeonguk's heart to swell with so much happiness.

His happiness turned into joy when later that day, they found out that the kids were really soulmates.

"Of course I miss our friends," you finally answered Jeongguk's question after remembering what happened at the Kims' mansion two weeks ago.

"But I'm happy here, babe. Chae-won's friends are here. Her life is here. You know how much she likes visiting her grandparents whenever she pleases. She's born here, Gukkie."

Jeongguk bit his lower lip. He was the one who couldn't answer now. You made a point too.

"I say we let her decide where she wants to live. Chae-won is smart. She will know what her heart truly desires. Besides..." You went near Jeongguk, wrapping your hands around his neck.

He instantly encircled his arms around your waist, pulling you closer.

"Our daughter is still young. Let her be a kid, babe. We can't force her to seek romantic love just because she found her soulmate,"

Jeongguk looked sad, his lips trembling.

"I-I know that..." He heaved a deep sigh. "I guess I'm just scared. I don't want Chae-won to go through the pain you had experienced because of me. I met you a little late, love. I don't think I can handle seeing our daughter cry because her soulmate is in love with someone else..."

"Oh, Gukkie..." You nuzzled his nose, kissing his cheek.

Jeongguk was left craving for more, and so he placed a kiss on your sweet lips.

"Chae-won and Beomgyu are meant to be together. I'm sure fate will find a way to bring them together..."

"Just like what happened between you and me?" Your husband's eyes were wide and sparkling, like he was seeking your approval.

"Yeah, maybe even better. Maybe Beomgyu will love our precious baby more than we love her..."

"But I am the one who loves Chae-won the most!"

You chuckled because Jeongguk looked so adorable, like he was competing with a four year-old kid.

Typical Jeongguk.

"I know. I love you..."

"I love you too." Jeongguk smiled, kissing you once more. "And I'm so glad you're my soulmate..."

MORE JJK FICS WRITTEN BY ME: EUPHORIA or check MASTERLIST

[agustdef]

With All My Heart

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Hoseok x Doctor!Reader.

Genre: Established Relationship; Angst; Fluff

Word Count: 11K

Warning: Angsty. Language...?; Mention of Death; Mentions of mental health struggles

Rating: PG15

Banner Maker: @httpangelicjimin​ who was wonderful enough to remake this one after realized the other wouldn’t work and then proceeded to use it for I Found You.

Beta Reader: @suhdays​ who knew I was in a rush and was kind enough to offer to beta it for me without me asking. 

When Hoseok came home from his last appointment, he found the apartment mostly silent and way cleaner than when he’d left that morning. Probably cleaner than after the weekly Sunday morning routine was finished, which was impressing and worrisome. But also made him hopeful.

After discarding his shoes and jacket at the door, he headed to the bedroom where he found YN already settled into bed. She wore a large shirt – with the words fight me with a leprechaun on front – that she’d probably stolen from Yoongi’s closet during their last visit, her bonnet, and a koala face mask. Her eyes were focused on the TV on the wall opposite their bed and she hummed along with the intro to the anime she was watching.

It was the most relaxed he’d seen her in weeks.

“Hey baby,” he said.

That drew her attention towards him, and she smiled when they locked eyes, though that stopped as soon as her mask shifted. She was happy to see him and had missed him after the day she’d spent alone. Not that she was lonely or anything, but it felt nice to break away from being by herself.

“Hi. You’re home early. I thought you had to work on that big piece tonight?” she said.

That made Hoseok annoyed in an instant. He huffed and rolled his eyes while his fingers ran through his hair. The memory of the evening he had before, and after he finished what turned into his last client filled his head.

“She called and said she couldn't make it. Which was fine, because I wasn't up to working on it tonight anyway. I'm still feeling sick I guess. But, then she kept changing her mind, and when she finally decided to come - and said she was on her way - she didn't come at all. No response to calls or any of the messages I sent. But I was scrolling through the shop's feed while waiting for my other person only to see her at some other shop we follow getting a different tattoo. I just told her that if she wasn’t going to honor appointments and give me the run around, then we weren’t the right fit.”

In response YN frowned. It was clear how annoyed and tired he was, even without the added stress of a wishy washy, client who just thought they could do whatever the hell they wanted when requesting someone’s time. She wanted to knock the girl upside her head, but it wasn’t realistic, and she’d never go out of her way to attack someone. Though the idea of cussing her out if she appeared at the shop when YN was around didn’t seem too terrible of a plan.

However, that wasn’t something that either of them lingered on long because Hoseok sneezed five times in a row and by the third he seemed wiped out.

YN took off her mask and threw it in the trash near her side of the bed before hopping up. She opened her bedside table and pulled out a thermometer, which she quickly freed from its little bad as she rounded the bed to where he stood. Hoseok knew better than to argue so his mouth opened before she even raised her arm to stick it in.

They stood there for a moment staring at each other, until they heard the beep and when YN looked at the temperature she winced.

“You went up so much since this morning. You’re practically at fever levels. Go take a shower and get in bed. I’ll get some stuff for you to take,” she said.

There was no way Hoseok would argue with how he felt. It was like once he was at home and stopped moving his body had started to give up. He felt heavy and he ached a little here and there. His head also felt a little weird, but he chalked up part of that to being frustrated. So, once she stepped away from him he dragged himself to the bathroom.

By the time he finished his shower and pulled on some clothes, YN was already back in the room. She’d had a bowl, a mug, and a glass of water sitting on the table near his side of the bed. And she was unfolding a blanket, which Hoseok recognized as one the weighted ones. It was something that YN pulled out whenever one of them was having a tough time sleeping or in general, and when they got sick. Something about the thing eased the body into relaxation that neither of them had ever felt before.

When she noticed his arrival, she smiled at him and patted the bed. Hoseok moved as quickly as his body would allow him and plopped down onto the bed. Before he could do much else she placed the bowl into his hands.

“It’s a mix of the broths from the soup your mom brought and that Mama Min brought. You are to never tell them that I did this. Or that while both are good they taste next level combined. I will not be killed because I took care of you,” she said.

At that Hoseok laughed, and then drank down the broth. YN wasn’t wrong about it being better combined, which was part of the reason he downed it despite the burn he felt. Naturally, YN chastised him as he did because she could see the pain on his face, but he paid her no mind. Once finished, she replaced the bowl with the mug and one look inside had him sitting it down.

“You know I don’t like that version of ginseng. Why can’t I drink the other one?” he whined.

“Because it’s the kind that helps you the most and it hides the taste of the medicine you hate so much. This is your own fault for being a wimp and not wanting to drink it down by itself. So drink it,” she said.

Of course, he didn’t do it right away. Hoseok stared YN down and attempted his best puppy dog eyes and pout, but was met with an unamused expression that became more uncaring as each second passed. That didn’t deter hum though, at least not for about a minute or so when it was clearly she only grew more impatient with him.

With a huff he grabbed the mug and quickly downed the shot of ginseng and medicine. He winced in reaction to how bitter it was and immediately snatched the glass of water up as YN took the mug from him. Once he’d downed that as well she grabbed all the dishes and headed out of the bedroom.

“Get comfortable in bed,” she called back.

Upon return she had both of their 34oz water bottles filled up and ready for them to drink through the night if need be. Which for Hoseok was often while sick and because she’d caught a little of his cold she too needed a few sips at random times if she woke up.

After giving it to him, she climbed into bed and slid under the blanket. It may have been summer but they tended to keep their room on the colder side, which meant that they wouldn’t overheat just because they slept under them; which was good because YN needed to be under a blanket to sleep.

Getting comfortable didn’t take them long, since they were both so wiped out from their days. And despite Hoseok’s sickness they cuddled together, because unlike him YN continued her dose of medicine until it was gone. She knew she wasn’t one hundred percent better even when the symptoms appeared to have left her completely.

They stayed cuddled together for about half an hour watching what YN had on before he’d come home. Nothing felt tense or awkward in their silence, just comfortable and relaxed.

But as time went on Hoseok remembered the feeling he’d had upon his arrival home. The worry that filled him when he saw how much she’d cleaned by herself in the time he’d been gone. And the hope he’d had at knowing she’d found enough energy to even make the effort to clean that much in the first place. She’d been out of it for weeks and it was the first major sign that something changed. Or that’s what he wished for.

Hoseok turned his head to look at her, well more like assess her face. It was relaxed and she seemed genuinely interested in what was on the screen and not off in her own little world. Though once she realized he was staring she turned his way and his assessment was over almost as quickly as it began.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her brow raised.

For a moment Hoseok debated telling her no, but that didn’t sit right with him. He needed to say something or it would bother him until he blurted it out. Or there was a chance she’d bottle it all up and not say anything at all because she was fine or she didn’t want to dump on him because he wasn’t her therapist.

“How was your session?” he asked.

There was a momentary change in her expression, but she didn’t let it linger for long. That made him even more worried, but he waited for her to say something. Though he knew if she was holding back and if he should push her.

“It was fine, I guess. Less crying than usual. We talked about all my other issues and saved how I was feeling about my mom for last. I think she hoped that by keeping me in a time constraint of twenty minutes I’d be forced to get out the main issues first and avoid going off into tangents. She was very wrong about that and the appointment ran for half an hour longer than it should have. I’d gotten so worked up that it wasn’t wise to try to force me down quickly,” she said.

Hoseok nodded along and reached under the blanket to grab her hand but didn’t utter a word. Just like her therapist he wanted her to let things out at her own pace.

“I mean it’s getting easier, but I don’t know. How is one supposed to process the death of their mother? And it doesn’t help that on top of that it’s dealing with how we were estranged. Knowing that my mix of apathy and deep hurt are valid. That it’s okay that I’m not as torn up about her dying as I think I should be. That I’m not torn up about losing a chance at speaking to the sibling that I never wanted to deal with because he moved back to the US. Dealing with calls from a slew of aunts and uncles who regularly give no fucks about me, questioning why I’m not there, and why I chose not to be heavily involved in the process. Why I could only show up. Why I didn’t stay longer.”

The more she spoke the shakier her voice got and it broke Hoseok’s heart. She was getting better and he knew that, but he always knew it was a lot to overcome. The loss of her only parent, despite their relationship, was something hard to deal with or so he imagined it. It had even affected Yoongi a great deal since he’d been close to her before too, but he recovered faster.

More than anything, Hoseok wished he could find some magic way to lessen the pain and confusion for her, but he felt just as helpless as when she found out. She’d come to the shop when she still had six hours of her twelve hour shift left to go and looked in shock. Without a word she’d run into Yoongi’s arms as he’d come out of his room after hearing Jungkook’s frantic calls. There she burst into tears, and through the sobbing told them that her mother had been in a car accident and didn’t make it.

None of them, except Yoongi, had ever seen her cry that hard and he tried his best to be her rock, but he broke with her. They broke down in the middle of the shop, falling to their knees as they cried together. The boys decided to close after that and just let them cry, comforting them when they could. And at some point they called Beau and Mama Min to tell them what had happened.

From there, they had to wait until they were calm enough to get them in a car to head back to Yoongi’s place. There they were met by Beau and Mama Min, who accepted them with open arms. The sobbing started all over again and they slowly got them to calm down enough to eat and shower. Everyone assumed it was a sleepover kind of situation, so they’d gotten Jin and Taehyung to swing by their places to grab stuff for them.

The entire night was just everyone surrounding YN on the makeshift nest they’d made. She never once let go of Yoongi’s hand and he didn’t dare release hers. And as they slept she cuddled into Mama Min’s side holding onto her for dear life with her other hand.

Seeing her shattered like that was eye opening for Hoseok, and he tried his best to make sure she was okay. Work gave her two weeks off, but when she didn’t bounce back quickly they extended the leave for a little longer. Then when that ran out she used vacation time she’d saved up. That was the start of when she actually made progress in not being a shell of her former self and Hoseok would tell her to take off all the time in the world if it meant that she’d be better.

But, as Hoseok sat there thinking about how he wished there was something he could do to fix things he realized there was something he could at least try to make her feel a bit better. And it would allow him to do something that he’d been wanting to for a while.

Smiling at her he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling away and staring into her eyes.

“We haven’t gone out in a while. So, what do you say about us and everyone going out to the beach for a week? We can do it next week too. Go to the beach house and hang out, have some fun,” he said.

For a moment it felt like she’d say no, especially because she looked so emotional, but then she nodded. And Hoseok watched as a smile worked its way onto her lips, bigger and more genuine than he’d seen in a while.

“That sounds like what I need,” she said.

Happy with that, Hoseok leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before pulling away and snuggling into her. They continued their comfortable cuddly night in and slowly drifted to sleep together. Hoseok’s mind focused on planning things out perfectly until he knocked out.

The day before they were to leave to head to the beach house YN had planned to spend it packing and relax because the journey was tiresome. However, Hoseok had other plans and just as she finished packing her stuff he called her to come down to the shop for the night. Saying no was an option, but he sounded so excited that she couldn’t help but say yes.

So, on a Friday night when she could’ve been in her home eating and playing video games she found herself in Hoseok’s tattoo room by herself. Upon her arrival she’d been told he’d run out for a second and would be back in a bit. And in that case a bit meant thirty minutes or so after she got there.

Annoyed was an understatement, especially when she saw that he read the texts she’d sent asking him where he was. When it got too much, she got up to leave, but the moment she put her hand on the knob she was stumbling back because the door was being pushed open from the outside.

Hoseok – sweaty and breathing heavily – held bags of food and balanced multiple drinks in a tray. His eyes were wide and his mouth open in that uncomfortable mouth breathing way. Like YN could see the man’s uvula clear as day.

For a while they stood there staring at each other, that was until Hoseok regained control of his breathing.

“Were you about to leave?”

“Yes. You asked me to come at a specific time and you’re not here. Then I have to wait over thirty minutes where you open and don’t respond to my texts. How much longer did you think I was going to stay? Especially since you asked me to come here when I planned to not leave the couch until I absolutely had to all night,” she said.

At that Hoseok frowned. Moving past her a little he placed the stuff down in the tattoo chair that was reclined back. Then he moved to stand in front of her, his hands cupped her face. He stared at her expression and saw the slight bags under her eyes and the lingering sadness. She’d done so well for almost a week following his proposal of the beach trip, but the last day or two something shifted.

Her mother’s husband had found a way to contact her and it had thrown her off. Though the conversation had gone well it had brought her two steps back. Hoseok had woken up to her crying in the middle of the night and through the tears she’d managed to say that she felt like she was doing something wrong despite knowing she wasn’t. Despite knowing she was doing what was best for her and her mental state she felt like it was all wrong. Overthinking her decisions needlessly. The next morning – after he’d gotten her to sleep – she apologized and told him she knew that she was right and having a conversation with her mother’s husband that didn’t go horribly or fill her with anger felt off.

Things got better after that, but it took more than a moment of clarity and a talk with her therapist over the phone to get her back to where she’d been before. And that was why Hoseok had come up with the idea to call her into the shop. Well Jungkook and Taehyung came up with the idea to take her out before they all left, but he came up with what they’d do.

“I know, but I wanted to do something before we left. I swear we shouldn’t be here all night and I got that burger you were craving,” he said, a pout formed on his lips.

The usual thing would be for YN to throw the smallest of fits because she felt so tired, but his stupid face was there and she couldn’t say no. Plus she hadn’t left the apartment much in a week and needed the change of scenery even if it wasn’t a major one.

YN sighed. “Fine.”

With her answer and the small smile he saw fighting to take form on her lips Hoseok finally stopped his pouting. Leaning forward he pressed a quick kiss to her lips before releasing his hold on her face and moving over to the food. He carefully removed everything from the bags and then ran to put two of the four drinks in the tray into his mini freezer.

All the while YN stood and watched him; she hadn’t wanted to get in the way of what he was doing. The man could be anal about how things were handled when he was attempting to make some nice gesture and she’d been on the end of one of his glares before. Though she knew he wasn’t actually mad she knew not to push it further. There was no need for her to deal with a pouty baby later because things veered off plan; especially since she’d shown up before he could get back.

“Okay, so I know you were craving a burger and I went to the place you like and got you a double cheeseburger with extra pickles and a large fry. Also, a sprite and a chocolate milkshake,” he said.

Hearing him list the things made something stir inside YN. After giving into him she’d gotten less annoyed, but that hadn’t meant her mood shifted completely. Despite not being actively sad she felt down and having him get her the thing she’d been craving and getting her out of the house brightened her day. The corners of her mouth even turned up in a smile, something that hadn’t graced her lips once since she’d arrived – or all that day for that matter.

So, she watched as he excitedly continued and reassured her that the things she didn’t like weren’t on the burger and that he thought it would be good for them to sit in his room to eat. There was something about another plan of his, but she barely heard him as she smiled and watched him closely. His smile grew as he excitedly spoke of his idea, causing her own to do the same.

Hoseok was mid-ramble when he noticed that she was smiling at him. A truly genuine one at that. It made his heart beat a little erratically, but he didn’t mind at all. YN’s happiness was his priority and it felt good for him to see that she looked happy, even for a moment.

“Should we start eating?” he asked.

She nodded and he moved one of his chairs over to her so she could sit down to eat her food at the tattoo chair. In many cases she’d object, but the smell of multiple disinfectants told her that he’d cleaned the thing multiple times before her arrival. Plus, he’d laid a paper you’d see when you went to the doctor over the seat, so there was an added barrier from the food and the not so cleanly people who sometimes sat in it.

Though her mouth watered at the smell and the visual of her food YN waited until Hoseok was seat in his own chair across from her. He gave her a pointed look that she knew well from all the times he got annoyed at her not just eating and she dug into it without a word.

Not speaking was something they maintained for a few minutes before Hoseok swallowed a bite that he barely chewed.

“Did you finish getting everything ready?” he asked.

She nodded, because unlike him she liked to chew her food quite a bit before swallowing it.

“Yeah. Everything of mine is packed, as well as stuff we need for the beach, most of the snacks, and I grabbed all your stuff but didn’t pack it.”

Hoseok scoffed. “Good.”

At that she couldn’t help but to roll her eyes.

“You could’ve just let me pack it all for you. That way you don’t have to worry about it when you get home. Plus, you’re going to ask me to help when something doesn’t fit anyway,” she mumbled.

“I can back my own stuff. I’m a big boy. Besides who says I’ll need your help this time, I’m not even taking a whole lot with me.”

There was no verbal response to that, just a shake of the head as she gave up on the topic. At the end of the day she knew she was right and that Hoseok would come to her whining about something not fitting right or being unable to zip the bag. And the solution would be to refold something, rearrange how things sat, or make him realize he didn’t need as many pairs of shoes as he packed. And he definitely didn’t need to bring multiple colors of the same chunky, ugly pair of shoes that she hated.

She wished she could burn them but he loved them too much.

From there silence persisted for a bit and then she randomly turned her head to see a sketch on his wall of an anime she’d watched a long time ago. Naturally, that started a whole conversation about it and how much Hoseok hadn’t liked it as a kid. Something about his sister forcing him to watch it and him not liking the main character. Which led to a discussion about other main characters they both didn’t like. It spiraled into the difference between characters made unlikable as a part of their stories and how some were just not great and people played them off as unlikable on purpose. That didn’t stop people critiquing them though. Definitely didn’t stop YN.

As they talked their food lessened until it was gone. Hoseok took the initiative to clean it up and directed YN to the freezer. She grabbed their shakes and sat the one that was clearly white and black down on his side, grabbing a straw and jabbing it into her own cup. Her lips wrapped around it to pull some of the frozen treat up, but she struggled with how thick it was. When she finally got some out she pulled away with a smile.

“I see it’s up to your standards of thick. Sure you don’t want a spoon?” he asked upon his return to the seat.

YN shook her head vigorously and went in for more. Part of her brain hated the struggle, but the joy that filled her each time she finally got some was too great. The thick milkshakes were always the best.

While she did that Hoseok moved to his computer and turned on some music, his usual tattooing playlist blasted through the speakers. He turned it down when he saw YN flinch and then slid his chair back over to the seat. He grabbed his own straw and milkshake and sucked it down. It was thick, but the normal kind. No part of him had the patience to wrestle with his food or drink, so despite how much creamier it was her way he chose not to suffer.

About half the milkshake was gone before he got up from the seat and snatched YN’s from her hand – despite protest – to put back in the freezer. When he turned around he was met with her pouting and he wanted to give it back but they had other things to do as well.

“There’s another reason I asked you to come,” Hoseok said.

“Which is?”

He didn’t respond, just gathered a few things and prepped his small rolling table for tattooing before pushing towards her. There was no time to process what he meant by the action because then he was whipping off his shirt and taking a seat in the tattoo chair.

His intentions were beyond clear.

“Today?” she asked.

“Today.”

“But I-”

“Aht, no buts. You’re ready to do this and you were so excited to get to tattoo an actual person. So, today you’re going to do me and then Yoongi another time. Probably the others too since they’re all babies who can’t be left out.” He rolled his eyes while he said the last bit.

“That’s so many, I didn’t sign up for that. And why now? I’m not prepared for this. I don’t even have the stencil ready or-”

Again she didn’t get far because Hoseok pointed to a sheet of paper on the table that had various copies of the tattoo they’d agreed on and a pair of scissors.

The man had truly taken the time to make sure that everything was set. Which was sweet, but also spiked YN’s nerves. So much that any sadness that she’d felt was nowhere on her mind.

Hesitation was clear on her face as Hoseok watched her and he worried she was stuck amid her sadness, but then he noticed the nervous glint in her eyes. He found it cute that the woman cut open people for a living and was worried about how her tattoo would come out. Even though she caught onto tattooing faster than anyone in the shop and had the steadiest hand of all of them.

Reaching over Hoseok cupped her face and forced her gaze on him.

“You’ll do fine. We chose this tattoo because it was quick and basic. Line work and some shading. You even did it a million times on oranges, lemons, and grapefruit. It’ll be great,” he encouraged.

There was an urge to protest, but YN didn’t. She rose from her seat and walked out of the room. She went to wash her hands and then came back to slip gloves onto them. She lifted the arm rest and placed his arm on it, careful to look around for a good spot. Hoseok was tattooed almost completely on both arms, but there was a spot on his left forearm that had enough space.

From there she was kind of on autopilot. She cut the stencil and placed it on the spot to double check that it would work. Once pleased she set it back on the table and grabbed an antiseptic wipe to clean the area. She spent way too much time on that, but Hoseok didn’t comment on it. Before she knew it she was actually placing the stencil onto his skin and peeling it off, the thin purple lines transferred perfectly.

By then the nerves had returned and she was ready to back down, but then she made eye contact with Hoseok and he gave her an encouraging smile. She couldn’t stop then, she needed to see the tattoo through.

She got the gun and the ink ready, but the vibe felt off. So, without a word she rolled over to the computer and pulled off a glove. There were several clicks before Jonghyun’s beautiful voice filled the space. It was the first song on her surgery playlist and in a way tattooing was like that, so it was the perfect relaxer.

After replacing the glove she took off with another one she got to work. The tip of the needle dipped into the black ink and using her free hand she pressed Hoseok’s arm down and began the tattoo.

The design was a crescent moon – which would be shaded in – and a sun combined. Where the moon stopped lines and dots of varying lengths were used to make clear that it was the sun. Nothing intricate, but still something she worried about messing up.

Her movements were careful and steady, her hand moving easily as she traced the outline of the moon. It took her shorter than she thought even with her excessive wiping, but she wasn’t pleased with the outcome. It wasn’t bad at all, basically perfect. However, she’d been so nervous that the lines were too thin.

“If you want it thicker you can do it. I know Yoongi worked with you on that the last few sessions. I only taught you to start with thinner lines just in case you’re unsure,” Hoseok offered as if he read her mind.

YN nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she went in again. That time her lines were a little heavier and though part of her worried that it was a mistake to make them that thick, by the time she’d finished and wiped the excess she was pleased with it.

Being happy with her outcome meant that she felt more confident, which meant she went into the next part with less worry. She shaded the moon in with vigor and had to mutter a few apologies when Hoseok whined about her being too aggressive. It was just that she got excited and so into the work.

Which meant that she didn’t notice Yoongi when he’d silently entered the room. He stood behind her, though about a foot away so he wasn’t crowding her. Him and Hoseok watched as she finished the shading and went on to the lines to create the sun. Her hand moved carefully as she did and though there were a few curses when she thought she messed up, there were also those lightbulb moments when she realized she could make up the length with a few extra dots. Nothing ruined at all.

Once finished she set the gun to the side and carefully used the other items on the table to clean it. Seeing the cleaned version had her scared it was a mess, but the more she stared at it the more she liked it.

“You did good. How the hell did you get that to curve so fluidly?” Yoongi said, startling her with his sudden presence.

“She was so worried she’d mess up, I told her it would be fine,” Hoseok said.

Involuntarily, YN rolled her eyes. They enjoyed double teaming her on everything, but self-doubt was by far their favorite.

“Let the man see the new tattoo,” Yoongi said, playful nudging her shoulder.

Her eyes widened as she remembered he couldn’t see it well from the angle he was at and she moved away from the chair so he could get up. Hoseok immediately went over to the floor length mirror hanging near the door. He held out his arm and examined it closely – and for way too long – without saying anything. If he hadn’t smiled before he spoke she would’ve thrown up in fear he hated it.

“I told you, you’d do good baby,” he said.

Tension melted from her body at that and Hoseok watched on in joy. Not only had she accomplished her first tattoo, but she also appeared genuinely happy. There was nothing about her that exuded sadness or showed that she was even vaguely in a low place. It didn’t mean she was completely free from the thoughts, but it did mean that she wasn’t caught up in them enough to show any outward reactions. And since she wasn’t the best at keeping her emotions hidden and bottled up that was a win.

From the eye contact he made with Yoongi for a moment the older male also appeared to think so. Flashing Hoseok a thumbs up when YN wasn’t looking.

The first part of Hoseok’s plan was a success.

The trip to the beach was long and started early. They’d rented a twelve-seater van to drive there and alternated drivers. Jungkook, Yoongi, and YN switched out every two hours so no one got too complacent or tired with the six hour drive. It was trying sometimes because of stupid drivers or someone complaining too much, but they made it there without anyone killing someone else.

A true win.

They arrived at the beach house late afternoon and decided they’d spend that night in. None of them had enough energy from the trip to anything and they had a full week to venture out. Plus avoiding the massive crowd on a Saturday night was a win.

Food was ordered in front various places because everyone either wanted something different or couldn’t make up their mind on what they wanted at all. Dinner was eaten and though it started off with minimal conversation they all eventually started talking about random things and eventually it led to talk of what they would do the next day. Hoseok mentioned something about the amusement park nearby, which got YN excited immediately and everyone agreed with that.

However, the quickness in which they all said yes wasn’t lost on YN despite her excitement. Usually they all took forever deciding what to do on any group outing and when they did there was some sort of whining. But everyone had agreed and then went about eating like everything was fine. No questions asked. No adjustments to time. No concerns about being there for so long. Just compliance.

It was something YN planned to ask about and fight against if they were doing it because she wanted to. Them giving in just because it would make her happy because she’d been so down wasn’t something she was okay with. The thought was nice, but she preferred they did their own things if that’s what they wanted. But she didn’t get to ask because everyone finished and before she knew it Hoseok escorted her to their room.

And like clockwork her body felt heavy the moment her eyes laid on the bed. Not even the pretty view from their balcony could draw her in. Which made it easy for Hoseok to maintain control to get her in the shower and then bed in the matter of thirty minutes.

By the time her head hit the pillow she felt refreshed, but like she’d cried for a few hours straight. The kind of tired where you don’t really feel one with the world and everything is almost like an outsider looking in. Though when she looked at Hoseok he grounded her a bit.

He took a few minutes longer to get into the bed after she did, slipping in wearing nothing but his boxers. Which was fine because she was in short shorts and a crop top. Something that seemed to warrant him poking her stomach every so often, which she allowed to happen because she didn’t have it in her to stop him.

Hoseok knew what he was doing too and that he’d pay for it once she slept, though she tended to forget things when too tired. But he stopped his poking and prodding after a few seconds, preferring to pull her close so they were cuddled together. Her leg thrown over him and their faces resting inches away from each other. He wanted to stay up a little and talk, but her eyes were closed and her breathing slowing.

For once she didn’t argue about it only being 8:00pm and thus too early to sleep. She’d say that every time they went on a trip, but more than anything she’d been saying it since after her mother’s funeral. Even when she looked exhausted and mentally not there she refused to sleep that early. So it felt good to see her not do it for once and after placing a kiss on her lips that thought lulled Hoseok to sleep.

Because they’d fallen asleep so early everyone was up at around seven the next morning. Well, everyone except for Jin, Beau and YN. They’d all woken up and ventured out of their rooms at around five almost six and decided yoga was the move. They gathered on the back patio of the house where you could see the beach and got to work.

Yoga was something that Jin and YN did regularly. The hospital had classes for all the staff to take and they’d gone with no intentions to ever do it again, but then realized how good they felt the days after. From then on they went to the classes or met up in a secluded part of a park early in the morning to do it before going out for breakfast or something. Beau joined in once when YN did it at home and then usually join her anytime he saw her doing it. Sometimes even joining her and Jin when they ventured out.

It was a great first moment of the vacation and one of the few times she’d felt so at peace in a long while.

From there they showered, got dressed, and went down to make breakfast. They’d picked up some groceries before getting to the house so they didn’t have to worry about it later.

By the time they finished everyone was up. Food was consumed at an alarming rate and everyone got ready with the same quickness. They wanted to get to the park at opening so they could have a better chance to get on everything. Which led to a lot of yelling and rushing people to hurry up and get to the van.

Hoseok took it upon himself to drive them there and as the rides came into view the closer they got the more excited YN got. She bounced in her seat and almost opened her door before the car came to a full stop.

That was dangerous and with the way Yoongi looked at her Hoseok thought she’d get scolded, but in fact the older man was upset that she tried to cheat. Which confused Hoseok until he whipped the door open and sprinted towards the entrance, YN hot on his heels and yelling about who was the real cheater.

It was like watching two children and goodness did it make Hoseok feel good.

When the others reached them they both stood there with big smiles and holding wrist bands, all of them the kind that were used for those with fast passes.

Hoseok narrowed his eyes at them, but neither of them looked regretful about what they’d done. In fact, they both appeared way too smug.

“What did we say about you two buying everything before anyone gets a chance? It’s not allowed on this trip or any trip,” Beau said.

Yoongi and YN turned to each other and shrugged, then thrusted a wristband into everyone’s hands. Since it wasn’t their first time out with the two amusement park junkies they all knew to get the bands on quickly, as if their lives depended on it. Yoongi had once wrapped Jungkook’s so tight that it limited circulation in his hand and they had to get another.

No one wanted to repeat that.

Without missing a beat they walked towards the workers scanning people in, leaving the others to catch up. Both of them were several feet inside the park by the time the others caught up again. They stood perfectly still and took in the park. One could feel the excitement that radiated off them.

It took Taehyung clearing his throat multiple times before they turned to face the rest of the group. Though that only lasted for a second before they were focused on each other.

“We meet here in four hours?” YN asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Right here and then I kick your ass in everything.”

That made YN scoff but she refrained from any trash talk in retaliation, there was always enough of that during them playing the games. Besides her focus was on something else.

Off in the distance was a ride that was way too high and moved way too fast – by even her standards – but the expression on her face showed how much she wanted to try it. So, without a word to the others Hoseok walked forward, grabbed her hand, and headed towards it. Everyone else went their own way, except for Jungkook and Taehyung who followed behind them. Hoseok felt like he was going to be sick the whole way, but YN and Jungkook reassured him the whole time while Taehyung poked fun at him, though it was clear that was only to calm his own nerves.

Once on the thing they all were ready to shit themselves but pushed through and as the it reached the first drop. YN and Hoseok made eye contact for a second and there was a reassuring feeling that flowed through them, but the next thing they knew they were sailing through the air so quickly it took a moment for her to breathe properly again.

The entire ride there was no moment to relax or get used to it. Even knowing what was to come didn’t make it any easier to adjust.

It was exhilarating.

That feeling is why Taehyung and Hoseok ended up waiting as YN and Jungkook went on again. Neither of them wanted to relive that and the fast pass line wasn’t that long, so they just sat on a bench a few yards from where the line-up started.

“So, are you going to do it today?” Taehyung asked, his voice a bit strained.

At first Hoseok was confused by the question and then it dawned on him what he meant. A different kind of discomfort settled in him at the thought of saying yes and so he shook his head quickly.

“Definitely not,” he muttered.

Taehyung turned to look at him with a raised brow and confusion.

“I thought that was the plan? Get her all happy and then do it? Don’t tell me you’re chickening out?” he teased.

Hoseok reached over and lightly punched his shoulder, a soft – but nervous – laugh escaping his lips.

“I’m going to, just not today. I want to make sure she’s good first. I’d hate to do it while she’s still wrapped up in sadness. That would make the whole thing much more complicated than it already is.”

At that Taehyung shrugged and turned his attention back towards the ride. They sat in a comfortable silence watching it climb high and then drop, looping a few times before it climbed again. It was more nerve wrecking watching it move like that then being on it, but that didn’t mean that Hoseok wished he was on it instead. He never planned to get on that ride again if he could help it.

About twenty minutes or so passed before they both returned and then everyone was off to other rides. They were all their own level of terrifying, but as they ran from ride to ride Hoseok got used to the fear and thrill that came along with them. He’d even agreed to go on one twice, which made YN beyond happy. Especially since she could see the eagerness was genuine. As if him being the one to request they go again wasn’t clear enough.

They continued on like that for a while, though eventually Jungkook wanted to circle back to get on something they’d all said no to. He convinced Taehyung to go with him and then Hoseok and YN were traversing the park alone.

A few more rides after the departure of the others and Hoseok forced a stop for food. Which wasn’t a whole lot and less than Hoseok would’ve liked her to eat, but it was more than she’d had some of the days from weeks before. A win in his book.

Before they went to get on some more rides they stopped to get a dessert, which was ice cream wrapped in a crepe. The park hadn’t had it the last time they’d come to it and that made YN all the more eager to indulge. They reminded her of ones she’d had in Japan when she’d gone for six months to study in high school. They tasted like them too.

“I don’t know if I should get another one now or later when we’re about to leave,” she said.

Hoseok laughed as he watched her devour it.

“I think I saw a stand with it near the entrance so you can get it when we leave,” he offered.

Though she looked conflicted at first, she smiled and nodded after a bit. No matter how practiced she was at eating and getting on rides too much dairy was a mistake. Fifteen-year-old her learned that the hard way.

After food was consumed, they went on a few more rides and then headed back toward where they were to meet with fifteen minutes to spare. The walk was taken slowly and they intertwined fingers as they went.

It was a moment of peace among the chaos and when YN looked at Hoseok with one of the brightest smiles he’d seen in a while he felt near tears. She’d been so happy and never once did her expression falter or her body language shift negatively. There was so much freedom and joy radiating from her and despite his optimism he’d been scared she’d stay shrouded in darkness for forever. So to have that voice in his head silenced because she was there and existing outside of it was just the best thing to happen to him.

Everything wasn’t fixed, but it was better than nothing.

Yoongi was at the meeting point with an irritated Beau who held a large stuffed bear. Most would question why Beau looked that way, but by the shifting that Yoongi was doing and the wide smile it was clear that he’d challenged his boyfriend to a few games and then mercilessly beat him.

Upon seeing a smiling YN though Beau’s expression shifted to mimic the smile on her face and so did Yoongi’s for a moment. However, YN was in competition mode and when he noticed that he was as well.

Not a word was uttered between them as they left their significant others to head towards the games and neither of them said anything about it. They merely trailed behind them and watched as they tried to one up each other.

Who knows how much time passed or how many prizes were handed over to kids or anyone standing nearby before everyone was gathered together watching them. Though it was tiring to stand there and see them go on forever there was also this mutual contentment as they all looked on. It was as if they were all on the same wavelength with how nice it was to see either of them back to some sort of normalcy.

“Has she been like this all day?” Beau whispered.

Hoseok nodded, his eyes never leaving them.

“Yeah. She’s been so happy and carefree. I don’t think she’s thought about it once all this time. And it doesn’t feel like she’s faking it,” he said.

There was a nod from Beau in response and then all the focus was back on them.

YN being that happy that quickly wasn’t what Hoseok foresaw at all, but it was nice to see that the second part of what he planned worked out well. He only hoped that it was doing some actual, concrete good for her mentally and that the last part of everything would go as smoothly.

Four days into their trip YN decided that Hoseok was acting weird. Though weird was something normal for his behavior it was a different type. He was attentive and kind, but also drifted off into his own head a lot and didn’t put up a fight when asked to do something that wasn’t necessarily in his comfort zone. She hadn’t pushed his limits by any means and accepted no when he said it, but for the most he gave in without a second thought.

Of course, his efforts were appreciated greatly, but that was what worried her the most. She knew how down she’d been and how the call from her mother’s husband had changed her. It was clear as day to her how she was acting and she wished she could snap her fingers and stop, but that wasn’t possible. And since she knew that, so did Hoseok and that meant he’d ramped up on trying to keep her at the very least not actively sad. All his free time was spent trying to help and look after her. The trip was just another one of those things and though she jumped at the prospect of being away from home to enjoy herself – and had enjoyed herself – she feared him taking things a step too far to please her.

No matter her mental state there would be no excuse for any damage she could do to his if that was the case. So YN planned to talk to him about it one morning, but she was redirected by Yoongi to get ready. Apparently he wanted to take her out for the day, just the two of them. Something she happily agreed to on the compromise of her going to talk to Hoseok about a thing first, but that was shot down by being told he’d headed out a few minutes beforehand. Which meant she had no other choice but to do as she was told, but with a pout.

Despite her mopey mood she didn’t take long to get dressed. Mostly because when she’d entered the room she found a pair of shorts and one of her long sleeve tops laid out for her. Yoongi promptly informed her he didn’t want her taking forever so he’d done it for her. It wasn’t out of the norm since he’d done it many times throughout their lives because supposedly she moved too slow or always grabbed the one thing in her wardrobe he hated with a passion. After a while she learned to just let it happen.

Once ready to go Yoongi grabbed her hand and practically dragged her from the house. It took some begging and mild threats to get him to not hold her hand so tight and slow down. From there he was less aggressive, but still held her hand firmly in his. She was fine with that because it was a habit from childhood that they never grow out of. As long as his bony fingers didn’t dig into her hand or squeeze too tight she was fine.

During their walk they didn’t speak, which was fine. They both tended to be quiet people and silences were rarely awkward. Walking for ten minutes to the nearby cafe bookstore was nothing in the realm of how long they could be around each other and not utter a single word.

“I wanted us to relax before dinner later. You know they’re all going to get drunk and it’ll be a mess. So, some peace and quiet for now,” Yoongi said once they entered.

That made YN smile wide. Even without the reason she loved the idea of spending a few hours there.

“You sure it’s not because they let you take naps here whenever we come?” she teased.

Yoongi laughed. “That too. A peaceful nap.”

With that she nodded and finally removed her hand from his. She shooed him away to see if any good seats were open and then headed off to buy their drinks. All of her will was used not to stop and look at books that caught her eye as she walked to the counter. The man wanted a nap, but him waiting too long for his favorite hot chocolate wasn’t on the table. Plus, there was something about being inside the place that calmed her so much that she was a bit tired herself.

After she grabbed the hot chocolates she searched for him and was beyond happy to find him at the reclining chairs in a back corner. Not daring to destroy the nice atmosphere of the space she merely handed him his drink and plopped down into her own chair. Her body relaxed instantly. It was asking her to sleep, but she wanted to drink her hot chocolate first. That lasted maybe ten minutes before she and Yoongi drifted off.

Sometimes she didn’t remember how much having a good time and being happy could drain from a person, no matter how much sleep they got.

When they finally woke up, panic filled YN because she’d misread the clock as saying four hours had passed, but it was barely an hour. The darkness only exacerbated that, but she was thankful her eyes adjusted before she shook Yoongi awake.

Since she felt refreshed from the nap the urge to explore books overcame her again. Instead of ignoring it she left Yoongi to continue his napping and looked around the store.

A lot of what did interest her were things she had read, were on her to read list, or by someone who wasn’t the greatest person despite their excellent writing. The things she did find that didn’t fit into that were all so tempting and she wanted to get them all but knew better than to do that. Her to read list was long and she didn’t need a million more books. So, she settled on getting the top three and took pictures of the others to buy at a later date.

By the time she made her purchase Yoongi had woken up and joined her at the register. He appeared rested and much peppier than he had before, which made her happy to see.

“Should we head back now?” she asked.

He nodded and then they were holding hands and walking back to the beach house.

The silence on the way back didn’t exist. Yoongi asked about what books she’d gotten and some other book she’d gotten a while ago that he’d been interested in. She agreed to give it to him and just as they reached the house and she prepared to ask if he wanted the book’s sequel as well he stopped abruptly.

Confusion coloring her face YN turned her head to look at him and was met with a tense expression. However, before she could question it he spoke.

“You’re okay, right? Actually okay, not the fake okay?” he asked.

YN felt a pang in her heart and her eyes watered for a second, but she pushed that all down. She wouldn’t dare make him more worried than he’d already been, especially when there was nothing to worry about.

“I’m okay. In fact, I’m as close to content as I’ve been in a while,” she said.

His entire demeanor changed when she said the word content. It was a signal of sorts. Something that they’d both learned they wanted through therapy. Happiness was great but being content and not so much good or bad was always the goal. As long as they could reach contentment all would be fine.

Though relaxed he didn’t stop staring her down for a moment and then after a firm squeeze of her hand – that she returned – he started walking again.

Inside the house everyone was putting the finishing touches on the dinner they’d decided on for the evening. It was a night in, which meant cooking and Jungkook had said that meant it needed to be an extra meal. So, him, Jin, Jimin, and Namjoon had spent a lot of time getting everything prepped and cooked. YN had wanted to help and even offered once Yoongi and her returned, but they were done and shooed her out to the patio so they could bring the food out.

Hoseok, who she’d seen maybe twice that whole day, pulled her down onto the seat next to him and immediately moved in for a kiss. That elicited some gagging from Beau which was met with a middle finger from both Hoseok and YN all without pulling away from each other.

They did part when the first of many dishes were placed on the table though. And without hesitation – once everyone was seated and Jin gave his go ahead – they began grabbing the things they wanted or moving them in range.

There was just so much. They’d made kimchi stew, bulgogi, pork ribs, fried rice, curry, and braised chicken. And of course, enough white rice that would satisfy even YN.

Bloated wasn’t even the word that truly captured how YN felt by the end of it all. Though happy was definitely a descriptor. They’d eaten, talked, and down alcohol. Jokes and stories were told, laughed about, and denied with intense vigor all around. It was a peaceful moment despite the chaos and watching her family just be together always filled her with such joy.

She could stay like that forever, but of course that was a no.

About thirty minutes after she’d had her last bite Hoseok suggested they go on a walk while they waited for the others to return with the chosen dessert. No was on the tip of her tongue, but he reminded her walking could help her feel better. Plus, he had a look in his eye that reminded her that she’d wanted to talk to him about something before.

So, they kicked off their shoes and headed down the beach. Hoseok laced their fingers together and led her away from the house. At first they said nothing, but then at the exact same time they spoke.

“YN-”

“Can we talk-”

They both paused and looked at each other with wide eyes before descending into laughter. It took a moment or two, but they collected themselves soon enough and continued their trek.

“You first,” he said.

YN nodded. “I want to thank you for all of this. It was what I needed and I’m so happy to have all this time with you and everyone else. Being with the people I loved most and who love me. Having fun that I haven’t had in a while. Having moments where I feel content, even if it’s fleeting. I haven’t had a bad day for the last few days and I haven’t even thought about anything really. And even if I did it was such a fleeting moment that I only barely remember it happened at all.”

“But?” Hoseok said when she paused.

“But I worry about taking advantage of all of you. I know that I’m not and everyone is happy to be here for a good time and to offer all the support in the world. I know that that feeling is for naught. But I realized how much you’ve given into me the last few days and it makes me feel like I may be crossing a line. You’ve had to deal with me being distraught and not myself for weeks. Never able to escape that unless out at work or I’m with someone else. And then you plan this and you give into my every whim. You do things that I know make you uncomfortable. Even if I’m not pushing you on certain things and I know I’m not crossing any hard lines it still feels wrong. And I’m sorry about that,” she said.

That ended in them coming to an abrupt stop. Hoseok released her hand and moved to stand in front of her, his hands moving to cup her face.

“Baby, you don’t have to worry about any of that. You have not crossed a line or made me do anything I didn’t choose to do. I’m fine. Did I agree to a few things that scare me or make me cautious? Yes. Did I do them partly because they made you happy? Yes. But like I said, it was my choice. I wanted to try them and that was an extra incentive. Seeing you smile or be in the moment was the greatest incentive in the world. I wouldn’t change doing those things. And I know you’re worried about what all this or your behavior could have done to my mental health, but I’m good there too. It hurt me to see you like that, but I processed that in therapy. Dr. Seo was more than willing to take me in more than once a month to process all this. I swear to you I’m fine.”

There was clear uncertainty in her eyes despite what he said. Hoseok could see it and though he wished she’d just believe him he knew that wasn’t how the mind worked. Sometimes things took a while to process or a little more assurance needed to be given.

After taking a deep breath he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, one she returned without hesitation. When he pulled away one of his hands slipped from her face as their foreheads pressed together.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

The next few moments happened in a weird space where everything moved too fast and too slow. Hoseok’s other hand moved from her face and he pulled away from her, but before anything could be said or done on her end he was down on one knee with a ring in his hand.

YN had no time to process it before he started talking.

“This week was about making you feel even an ounce of happiness, but it was also about finding the right time to ask you. YN you know I love you with my entire being. How you love yourself, me, and our little family brings me such joy. How you live to be the best you and know that you’re not always going to get it right. How you know yourself enough to know how to handle your problems. You realize how off you’re being and take the time to self-assess, not just because of you but because of me. So you’re not doing anything that could affect me. That could lead to unintentional behavior that could harm me. You grow so much all the time and it feels impossible for you to put forth any more effort than you already do.

“You just make me feel so happy. Doesn’t matter if it’s from watching you be that way, you making me feel that way, or the reminder that I can be happy on my own despite you. That I can stand alone in happiness that doesn’t revolve around you or anyone else. Something I struggled with so much before. You’ve helped so much by just being you. And though I know that we have cemented our relationship already, I still want to do this. It would truly be the best thing in the world if you married me, baby.”

YN had worked through the initial shock and was much calmer than when he’d started talking. Her brain fought to keep up with the words and her heart soared as she took them in. It’s why she didn’t hesitate in responding with a yes.

Without missing a beat Hoseok slipped the ring on her finger and rose onto his feet. He pulled her into a tight hug and whispered ‘I love you’ over and over. In the distance there were cheers from their friends who had watched on from the back patio. She hadn’t even realized they’d turned and walked back towards the house once she’d started talking. But that didn’t matter at all. At least not in that moment.

The calm that she felt mattered. The excitement she felt mattered. The content feeling that washed over her mattered.

[orange-waterfalls]

I Won't Miss You Much

Illinois x gender neutral!reader

@just-bts-trash-00 ty for the prompt

A/N: the title is a lie from our very own adventurer. Illinois being a lonely boy and getting a taste of his own medicine I guess. He leaves for adventures for weeks on end and just goes "haha y/n will be fine" yeah it's not so GOOD IS IT, ILLY? sorry I'm tired. Uuuuuuh comedy??? And fluff??? I took a jab at Hallmark movies at one point lol. Rated T for cursing. I didn't intend for the end to be suggestive but I think that's what happened. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.8k

--

Illinois drove back home, smiling from ear to ear. He'd just found an entire chest of treasure. Gold, silver, jewels, you name it. He'd give a lot of it to museums, like always, but even with what he'd have left, he wouldn't have to adventure for a month! A month to spend time with you. That sounded lovely.

He'd been going on a lot of adventures recently, so you two didn't see each other much. He was pretty okay with it, but he knew how much you wanted to spend time with him. This was a great opportunity. He didn't call to tell you he was coming home. He wanted to surprise you.

He pulled into the driveway, turning the car off and walking up to the door. He knocked 7 times in a rhythmic pattern. He heard a bit of shuffling from inside before you opened the door a crack. Upon seeing your boyfriend, your eyes widened and you threw the door open.

"Illinois?" You asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my house?" He laughed. You pulled him into a hug and he backed you into the house, closing the door with his foot.

"I thought you'd be gone until tomorrow…" you said and pulled out of the hug.

"I wanted to come home early," he shrugged. "Besides, I don't have to adventure for a month." You blinked at him.

"A… a month?" You repeated with less enthusiasm.

"Yeah! So we can spend a lot of time together, just like you want."

"Oh…"

"What's wrong? Were you planning on breaking up with me?" He chuckled. He looked behind you, seeing a suitcase on the couch. He looked back at you and frowned. "Please don't break up with me…"

"Oh! Oh, no, no, no! That's not what that's for!" You reassured. "I just…"

"What?"

"I'm… going on a business trip…"

"Business trip? To where?"

"Uh… Brazil…"

"Brazil?"

"Yeah…" you said apologetically. "A client hired me to take photos… in Brazil… I'm sorry…"

"It's alright," Illinois sighed. "We can have quality time after you get back."

"I'm gonna be gone for a month…"

"What? Why?"

"They want me to take pictures of everything. Families, animals, there's a parade that'll happen… I have to be there." You checked your phone. "And I my flight leaves soon, so I have to go now." You walked over to the couch and grabbed your suitcase, then back up to Illinois.

"Alright." He nodded. You gently kissed him, and pulled away all too soon for his liking.

"I love you! Goodbye!" You said as you walked past him to your car.

"Love you too…" he answered. You put your suitcase in the trunk and got into the driver's seat. You waved goodbye to Illinois as you pulled out of the driveway and headed to the airport.

Illinois stood at the doorway for a minute. So, he couldn't spend time with you. That was fine! You were a fantastic photographer, he couldn't blame people for wanting to hire you all the way from Brazil. He'd miss you a bit, but he'd be fine. I mean, you spent days, even weeks on end without him. He'd be completely fine.

--

Illinois was completely not fine. It had been three days since you left and he already felt like dying. How the hell did you last without him? More importantly, how was he supposed to survive without you?

The first day was probably the best one. He slept on the couch because of how tired he was. When he woke up in the morning, he went through the basics. He took a shower, washed his face, changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and ate breakfast. He usually woke up before you, so he knew how to cook for himself. He was pretty awake when he got up, so he didn't make any coffee. He just made some of your chamomile tea. It was really good, he didn't know why he didn't try it before. He went through the rest of a pretty boring day. He watch TV, read a book, made lunch, watched some more TV, went through all of his trophies from adventures, made dinner, then fell asleep.

The second was a bit more chaotic. He was more tired that day than the first day, but he made tea instead of coffee again. He remembered you had told him that a brownie recipe you knew went very well with the tea, so he tried to make it. You were out of eggs, so he went to the store to buy some. Once he did, he got started on the brownies.

Now when I say he set the kitchen on fire, this dumbass set the kitchen on fucking fire.

He had made the batter and put it into a pan, and then into the oven. He decided to watch TV while he waited on the brownies. He landed on a Hallmark Christmas romance movie. That was a bad idea, because he fell asleep almost instantly.

He awoke to the smell of smoke and the alarm frantically beeping. He jumped up and ran into the kitchen. He swung the oven open and threw the extremely burnt baking onto the floor. He grabbed a nearby towel and waved at the air until the alarm stopped He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, noticing he was sweating.

"Well, that's unfortunate," he sighed. He looked at the time. 10:24. There was still time for brunch.

He decided to make an omelette for himself.

He made the omelette for the most part, and let it sit on the stove for a minute. He wanted to make sure it was just right. he walked over to the couch and sat down, deciding to rest his eyes for a minute. The brownie incident was very stressful. Yet again, instead of just sitting there, he fell asleep.

For the second time this same damn day, Illinois woke up to the smell of smoke and the fire alarm beeping like mad. this time, he didn't jump up because he didn't think it'd be that bad. he slowly walked into the kitchen and almost screamed when he saw that his omelet was currently on fire. He panicked, not knowing what to do, because you two had an electric stove. What was he supposed to do? Throw some water on it? He looked around for a moment before seeing the towel he had to use to wave the smoke away. He grabbed it and threw it on top of the piece of breakfast, patting it to make sure it died. After about a minute, he gently lifted the towel. The fire was out. He sighed and, again, waved the smoke from the smoke alarm to get it to stop beeping. Illinois quit trying to make breakfast and just took some of your cereal. He honestly thought that that was going to catch on fire as well, so he stayed a little bit away from it at all times. Once he finished his cereal and his tea, he went back to the couch and just collapsed. he decided that another quick nap was in order, given the chaos that happened that day.

The rest of the day was pretty calm. He watched TV, went to the store to buy some other food, made lunch, watched some more TV, read a book and got takeout for dinner because he didn't feel like cooking again.

The third day was the one where he finally started to feel the effects of you not being there. It was a Wednesday. You always woke up early on Wednesday. He wasn't sure why, and neither were you. But you always woke up at the same time as him and made breakfast. He always made the coffee before hand so you can be more awake. And that's exactly what he did. He woke up, went through the motions, went into the kitchen, and made coffee. He got two mugs from the pantry and set them down on opposite sides of the table. When eating breakfast, you two always sat across from each other so you could talk. Illinois poured coffee into both of the cups and sat down. He stared across from his seat at the table for a moment, seeing the empty chair, and realizing that you were, in fact, not here.

And then he broke down.

He missed you. Oh, God, he missed you so much. How long were you supposed to be going? A month? And how long have you been gone? 3 days? He wouldn't make it. He couldn't make it. He started to pace around the kitchen.

"Ok… ok… you're ok…" he told himself. "You've been away from them for a longer amount of time, you can handle a month."

But the thing about Illinois being away from you for long, long, long amounts of time was that he had something to do. He'd be on an adventure. He'd be in some temple ruins, or a cave, or something of the sort running for his life. But this time, you were the one with the job, and he had absolutely nothing to do. Illinois didn't have many friends, mostly because he adventured so much. He was honestly pretty surprised when you agreed to date him. Now he realized why you wanted to spend more time together.

Okay. Okay. This was fine. He just had to find something to do… What did normal people do when they were bored?

He went to the museum. It was pretty interesting, and they were doing a lecture on treasures that he had donated there. He figured that could be pretty fun. He soon found that trying to correct to the tour guide on every single thing he was saying was not the best thing to do, because he got kicked out.

The next day, he went to the zoo. He informs people on the different types of spiders and bats and bugs that lived in caves. Heated ventured for so long that he figured it would be smart to learn the kind of animals he'd come into contact with when he went somewhere. Everyone was very interested in it, until he decided to take a tarantula out of its enclosure. Again, he got kicked out.

Third time's a charm. The next day, he went to the park. He sat on a bench and read a book and watched the kids play on the playground. One kid walked up to him and asked him if he was in an adventurer.

"Why, yes I am," he said smugly, "do you want to be one when you grow up?"

"No, you just remind me of Indiana Jones," the child answered. Illinois' hand squeezed the book in anger.

"Well, could Indiana Jones do this?" He asked while unsheathing his gun. He shot a nearby tree a few times to make a smiley face. He smirked at the kid.

"Probably," they shrugged and walked away from him. He snarled.

"Fuckin' kids…" he mumbled. A parent had apparently called the police on him, because he ended up in jail. They told him he had a phone call, so he called Mark.

"Hey, Mark! So, uh… I'm in jail," he said, trying to keep his cool, "I need you to come get me…"

"Dammit!" Mark cursed.

"What's wrong?"

"I bet Wilford that you would get arrested a week after Y/N left." He explained. "He bet 4-5 business days…"

"Ha! Told you!" Illinois heard another voice from Mark's end of the line.

"Oh, shut up!" Mark yelled. "Listen, uh… I'll get there soon as I can. Bye." He said and hung up. Illinois sighed and slumped on a bench.

This was gonna be a long month…

--

Illinois had the most boring month of his entire fucking life. For the first half of it, he sat in his living room, watching romcoms and almost crying because he wanted to be lovey-dovey with you. Why should these assholes get to be together? They were cheating on the one girl's boyfriend! She can have two spouses, but he can't be with his one?

For the second half, Illinois stopped being such a pissy little fuck and actually did things. He learned how to play the guitar, he finished three books, and he painted a picture from a Bob Ross video.

It was awful.

He was so completely bored without you. He hadn't realized how much you'd improved his life up to that point. You two had figured out how to video call halfway through the month, but you were almost always busy or asleep when he was ready. It was horrible.

But now, it was over.

You got back today.

And Illinois was fucking elated.

He jumped into his car and went through three red lights to get there, not to mention he was going 50mph in a 40mph zone. This man was going to die before he was late. He didn't even give a shit he was 5 hours early, he was gonna fucking wait for you at the airport. He brought a blanket and snacks, he'd be fine.

He took a nap after an hour, and woke up three hours after that. For the next two hours, he looked at pictures of you and thought about what he'd do with you when you got back. Finally, the time came when your plane was supposed to land. He knew it'd be a bit after that, but he stuffed his blanket and leftover snacks in his backpack and ran up to where you were supposed to enter the airport. He didn't have a sign, which he probably should have, but he'd find you soon enough. He looked through the crowd of people exiting the plane. All he saw were old rich people and young rich people. He looked across the herd of people, searching for any hint of your suitcase. You had gotten annoyed with the fact that you kept mistaking yours for other people's, so he bought you a neon rainbow suitcase. That didn't seem to be very useful at this point in time. He felt a buzz on his thigh. Groaning, he checked his phone. It was a text from Mark.

Hey! It said, Is Y/N home yet?

Illinois growled.

That's what I'm looking for.

Tell me when you see them

Sure thing. Illinois shoved the phone back into his pants, continuing his search. He suddenly saw a flash of color out of the corner of his eye. He whipped his head to the side.

There you were, trudging your suitcase along the floor. Your hair was all over the place, you were dragging your feet, and even from where he was, he saw the bags under your eyes. You were a hot mess.

In his eyes, you were an angel on Earth.

He wanted to be patient and keep up his suave persona. He noticed himself bouncing in his spot a bit, a smile forming on his lips. If he waited any longer, he swore to God he was going to explode. He eventually decided it wasn't worth it, and dashing over to you.

You were so tired. You were so, so very tired. The people who hired you were so nice, but they never fucking slept. Anytime they did something, they wanted you to take a picture of it. Mostly because they'd just gotten married, and you could respect their enthusiasm, but holy shit. Not to mention the PARADE. You got no rest. None. You couldn't wait to get home and just relax with your boyfriend…

Speaking of which, wasn't he supposed to pick you up?

You saw something coming towards you in your peripheral vision and turned, only to see said boyfriend sprinting at you. You opened your mouth to scream, but the wind was knocked out of you by Illinois pulling you into the tightest hug you've ever experienced and you simply wheezed.

"Oh my God, I missed you so much," he nearly cried, "do not ever do that to me again, please…" in response, you coughed. He realized you were having trouble inhaling and loosed his grip. He didn't let go.

"I missed you too…" you wheezed. He stood holding you for a second. A couple of girls giggled as they walked past you two. You flushed.

"Illinois, you're embarrassing me…" you whined.

"Oh?" He asked, the smirk audible in his voice. He pulled out of the hug and crashed his lips against yours. You basically collapsed into it and he had to hold you up against his body. He pulled away after a minute. You sighed.

"Can we go home now?" You pleaded.

"Of course, darlin'! We gotta spend some time together!" He answered. You let out a soft whimper.

Looks like you weren't getting your rest anytime soon.

my phone's at 5% lololol.

[final-girl96]

Let's Save The World

Chapter Five

After getting Klaus a suit from dad's closest we headed back to Meritech. We went up to Mr. Bigs' office, the man Five had threatened early that day.

Like I told your son earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential. Without the client's consent, I simply can't help you," Mr. Bigs said.

"Well, we can't get consent if you don't give us a name," Five hissed at him.

"Well, that's bot my problem. Sorry, now, there's really nothing more I can do, so...." Bigs said but Klaus cit him off.

"And what about my consent?" Klaus said.

I raised my eyebrow as me and Five looked at me curiously. Me and Five looked at each other then back at Klaus.

"Excuse me?" Mr. Bigs said.

"Who gave you the permission... to lay your hands... on my son and his girlfriend?" Klaus said dramatically.

"What?" Bigs said.

"Yeah, what?" I mumbled.

"You heard me," Klaus said.

"I didn't touch tour son or his girlfriend,"

"Oh, really? Well, then how did he get that swollen lip, then? And how did she he that handprint on her cheek?" Klaus asked.

"He doesn't have a swollen lip and she doesn't have a handprint..." but before Bigs could finish Klaus turned and punched Five in the mouth.

I gasped and stared in shock and then he looked at me and mouth sorry before he slapped me across the face. My head snapped to the right towards Five and my hand flew to my left cheek.

Five looked furious at what Klaus just did. I turned and looked at Klaus and glared at him. He turned putting his hands on the desk and leaning forward. "I want it. Name. Please. Now," he said.

"You're crazy," Mr. Bigs said.

Klaus chuckled "You have no idea," he said and pick a snow globe up. "Peace on earth," he read and shook it. "That's so sweet," he said before smashing it against his head. Glass, water, and glitter went everywhere.

I stood there shocked but I had a smile on my face. Klaus groans "God that hurts!" He yelled.

"No shit," I mumbled.

"I calling secur..." Mr. Bigs started as he picked up the phone.

Klaus snatched it away from him and put it to his ear. "What are you doing?" Bigs asked him.

"There's been an assault... in Mr. Bigs' office, and we need security, now. Schnell!" Klaus says into the phone and slamming it on the receiver.

Klaus leaned on the desk again looking at Mr. Bigs as blood dripped down his forehead. "Now, this is what's going to happen, Grant," he said.

"It's... Lance," Bigs said.

"In about 60 seconds, two security guards are gonna burst through that door. And they're gonna see a whole lot of blood, and they're gonna wonder, "What the hell happened?" And we're gonna tell them that you... beat the shot out of us," Klaus said dramatically.

He stepped back and looked at Mr. Bigs. "You're gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I've been there. Little piece of chicken like you. Oh, my God, you're gonna get passed around like a..." he said and paused. "You're just... you're gonna do great. That's all I'm saying," he said.

"Jesus, you're a sick bastard," Mr. Bigs said.

Me and Five stood off to the side smiling. Klaus could actually be useful when he had a plan. I wasn't too sure at first but now that I've seen he can come through if needed, I trust him more.

"Thank you," Klaus said smiling and he spits out some glass onto the floor.

Bigs lead us to the files and we stood on the other side of the filing cabinet as he looked up the serial number of the eye.

"That's strange," he said looking at the file.

Klaus walked around and stood behind him. "What?" Five asked.

"Uh, The eye. It hasn't been purchased by a client yet," he said.

"What? What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, uh, our logs say that the eye with that serial number... this can't be right. It hasn't been manufactured yet. Where did you get that eye?" He said looking at Five.

"Well, this is no good," Five said.

We turned and left the building. As we walked out Klaus started yapping at the mouth. "I was pretty good, though, right? Yeah, what about my consent, bitch?" He said.

"Klaus it doesn't matter," Five said annoyed.

"What? What? What's up with this eye, anyway?" Klaus asked.

"There is someone out there who's going to lose an eye in the next seven days," I said.

"They're gonna bring the end of life on this Earth as we know it," Five said.

"Yeah, can I get my 20 bucks, like, now or what?" Klaus said.

"Your 20 bucks?" Five asked angrily.

"Yeah, my 20 bucks," Klaus said.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"The apocalypse is coming. And all you can think about is getting high?" Five said.

"Well, I'm also quite hungry. Tummy's a rumblin'," Klaus said rubbing his stomach.

"You're useless!" Five yelled.

"Oh, come on. You need to lighten up, old man," Klaus said.

They both walked over and sat on the wall by the steps. I stayed out on the sidewalk and paced back and forth. It had become a habit I did when I was anxious or stressed out.

"Hey, you know, I've just now realized say you're so uptight, " I heard Klaus say. I was curious soon listened in but made it as though I wasn't.

"You must be horny as hell!" He said laughing.

"All those years by yourself," Klaus said and I stopped. What the fuck was he talking about I was there too. Except for the five years, we had gotten separated.

"It's gotta screw with your head, being alone," he said.

"Well... I wasn't alone," Five said.

"Oh? Prey tell," Klaus said.

That's when I spoke up "I was there, remember?!" I said pissed off.

They both looked at me and both flinched as they looked at me glaring at them. "I was alone for five years when Eight and I got separated but I had someone. Her name was Delores. We were together for those five years and then she stayed even after Eight found me. She was there for 30 years," Five said.

He talked about her like he missed her. Like he rather her be here than me. I felt my eyes fill with tears but blinked them away. "Thirty years? Oh, wow," Klaus said.

I felt myself start to shake with anger and sadness. I could believe him. I guess he only asked me to marry him because I was the only living girl around. I looked at the ring on my finger and started playing with it.

"God, the longest I've been with someone was... I don't know, three weeks. And that's only because I was so tired of looking for a place to sleep he did make the most fantastic osso buco, though. It was..." Klaus said but when he looked up me and Five were in a taxi.

Five had walked over to me and grabbed my hand and jumped into the backlit of the taxi going by. The Man looked at us in shock. "Don't stop. Just keep going," Five told him as we passed Klaus standing on the sidewalk looking at us as we went by.

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[onebangtanstan]

Power Style - Chapter Three : The panic

I stare at my phone. I just got a text from Kim Taehyung. The fact that I met him just a few hours ago is already insane to me, but the fact that he has my number is unthinkable.

Wait how did he get it? Nevermind, I actually don't give a fuck because he wants to see me.

I think about what to answer, but I can't think too long, he knows I've seen the text. Fucking iPhones.

I quickly type "That sounds good! Do you have something in mind? Gina Douglas"

I throw my phone away. Why is this so hard for me? I always do this with my clients, meet with them for drinks or whatever throughout the whole process. They always open up more outside of meetings.

My phone dings again. I go pick it up from my desk, realizing just now that I had been pacing around my office.

I look at the screen. I can't believe I'm texting Taehyung. "I was thinking you could come to my place, I would feel more comfortable."

Breathe. You've just been invited to his house. No big deal. AS IF! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! What does this mean, what does his house look like, what am I going to...WHAT AM I GONNA WEAR!!

Another bing from my phone stops the panicked stream of thoughts. Him again "How about 8? I'll send a car for you, just send me your address."

I quickly type in my address. Wow, I'm being picked up by a car, I feel so fancy.

I go back to my panic mode in less than 3 seconds. Ok, I meeting Taehyung in the evening at his place, to discuss a project we work together on.

I almost want to laugh at how ridiculous that sounds. No way I would've ever believed something like this would happen to me.

I try as hard as I can to keep working for the rest of the day, even though I can't stop thinking about tonight. I anxiously wait for my clock to read 4:30 so I can finally leave and go into panic mode at home.

I get back to my place in less than 10 minutes. It's usually a 20 minute walk from work to home. While I'm on the lift, I scroll in my phone, looking for Sarah. Sarah is my foster sister. We grew up together, she my only family to this day. Hell, she's my only friend.

It's 3:30 am in Philly, she'll definitely be awake. I press call, and hear her quirky voice after 2 ringtones.

"Baaaaaabe, how are you?"

"No time for that!" I shoot back. I'm happy to hear her voice, but I need her for something way more important than that. "Ok so my new clients, the K-Pop Idols BTS, Taehyung the beautiful one, you know right? Ok so he -"

"Wow wow wow, slow down babe! I didn't understand a single word"

"Sorry" I try to calm down as I'm getting out of the elevator, towards my apartment door. I explain the situation to her while I look for my keys in my bag. "Ok so, I have new clients at work, BTS. Fila are partnering up with them for a collection and sponsoring their tour. I'm in charge of the account, and met with them this morning."

"Babe that's amazing! Your first account as Director! And BTS, I've heard about them, their quite huge, right?"

"I guess so, but anyway. This one member, Taehyung, I've kind of crushed on him since I've seen him pretty much everywhere here in Seoul. Every magazine, all over social media and all that shit, right. After the meeting he texted me, and long story short, I'm going to his house tonight to discuss the campaign."

"Ooookay, just a sec'" She answers "Oh fuck, he is beautiful" I figure she was looking him up while I was talking. "You are one lucky girl!"

"Yeah maybe, I don't know but whatever! I'm calling because I don't know what to wear." I learned everything I know about fashion from her.

"I got you girl. But first, what vibe are we going for? What are your plans for tonight?"

"It's only a business meeting dude." I'm lying. I really want it to be more.

We spend an hour on the phone, switching to Facetime, and we finally have the outfit. A high-waisted teal pair of trousers, with detailed pockets, suited with a loose blouse in the same teal tones with dashes of white and soft pink. Very professional but also cosy. Very ME. I'll pair the outfit with my black boots. The short heal they have will keep the comfortable feel of the look. I'll of course be wearing a coat. It's the end winter, and it can get quite cold here in Seoul.

Gina’s outfit for the night

I get ready slowly. I know I have time, and don't want to be stressed about the stupid things I could face.

I pour myself a glass of white wine to help my nerves. I finish it at the same time as my makeup. I look at the clock. 7:30pm. The car should be here any minute.

As I was putting my makeup away, my phone rang.

"Hello, Gina Douglas?"

"Ms Douglas, this is the driver that M. Kim has sent for you. I have just arrived."

"I'll be right down!" I throw my coat on, grab my purse, and am out the door.

When I get downstairs, the driver opens the backdoor for me. I feel myself blushing, I'm not used to luxury.

We drive for about 20 minutes towards the fancier part of Seoul. I'm not surprised. The car stops at the bottom of a huge building. I'm dizzy just looking up.

I get even more uncomfortable as I realize that I am expected by the staff.  They guide me towards the elevator and press the highest button once I get in. Obviously, he has the penthouse.

The doors open to a hallway, with just one apartment. I ring the bell, and to my surprise, Yoongi opens the door.