#so i feel a little bit bad for not making nice compilations from the start but if anything uhmm maybe you guys gotta take another round of

[meringuejellyfish]

here we go, i went ahead and made more proper compilations of neopet brushes for my silly purposes

- the idea is that you take requests where others will give you a brush and a character, and after that you just go crazy and interpret it however you like ! -

 this has been one of my favorite art challenge concepts for years, it just itches something in my brain.

 -> my one piece of personal advice for this is that going with instinct and interpreting a brush however you like is good, but if youre looking for a little inspiration then seeing how different pets look when painted by certain brushes can be fun! for example, the transparent brush makes their skeletons visible, and maraquan is aquatic themed !

brushes excluded (for a multitude of reasons

-stone paint brush

-lutari island paint brush

-invisible paint brush

-lost desert paint brush

-mystery island paint brush

-scritchy sketchy paint brush

-swamp gas paint brush (sorry to the true swamp gas heads out there i guess.

-tyrannian paint brush

[comicaurora]

I've started making my way through the playlist hbomberguy made of actually good video essays by queer creators and spotted a comment of yours on the one about the relationship between Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, which was fun xD red in the wild!

Anyways, just wanted to appreciate how both you and Blue and you are very good at showing your sources! It's always nice to know that the people you've watched for years have good habits after an event like this, and I hope you guys are among the people that get some new fans after this whole debacle, because your channel definitely qualifies for "good educational videos made by queer people"

I'm glad! Blue's much better about listing his sources and follow-up reading than I am.

To be honest, I loved the video, but my imposter syndrome always flares like crazy when I watch an essay like that. It might be the ADHD or it might just be who I am as a person, but I feel like I've lived my whole life striving to make everything I do the best it can be, and still managing to fuck up and get criticised for things I could've done better if only I never missed anything. It's an actual gut-drop when it turns out a source I used wasn't trustworthy, or when in older videos I only went wiki-deep for some claims and didn't check every source to be 100% sure I wasn't being goat-fish'd. And this being the internet, I can get criticized at any time for things I've gotten wrong years ago, since it's evergreen online and to the new-viewing critic it's as fresh as yesterday. It makes it hard for me to stay proud of my work past the first moment of "oh I would've done that different now". There's a cocktail of complicated, scary feelings around this space, no matter how little I actually have in common with the bad guys of this scenario - it's less about the reality and more about who my imposter syndrome tells me I am. I saw several people saying that the video actually made them feel much better about their own work because it made it clear that accidental plagiarism on that scale is impossible, but if my anxieties listened to reason I would've successfully machete'd them out of my skull years ago. I just hope I never fuck up badly enough to deserve an hbombing of my own.

But my own stress aside, the hbomb essay exposed a level of laxness, laziness and entitlement on the part of these plagiarists that I think is almost incomprehensible to people who actually create for a living or even just the joy of it. How hollow do you have to be to take in someone else's writing and not consider it, digest it, let it reshape your views and then formulate your own interpretation on it, but instead to file off the serial numbers and pretend it's yours, trusting that the person whose thoughts and words you valued enough to steal will never be powerful enough to call you out on it? I go down research rabbit holes because I love the frustration and thrill of putting something together! How joyless it must be to skim the surface and borrow someone else's conclusions!

I've sometimes had people email asking for sources on parts of my interpretation of various myths, possibly in the interest of source-citing for school papers (a nightmare concept in and of itself) and with very few exceptions I usually have to tell them "the only sources were the english translations I used of the primary source where the myth was originally written, like I said in the video, and the part where I said I was conspiracy-boarding has no source other than my own analysis of the given source, which is why I called it conspiracy-boarding" and I was always a little baffled by those emails - half the videos are introduced like "this is The Prose Edda" or "this is in Ovid's Metamorphoses" or "this bit is Hesiod" so what else could they want - but seeing the hbomb of the week made me realize that truly original analysis might not be what most people are expecting from a "thing summarized." They might be expecting a compilation of other people's summaries instead.

[randoimago]

I’ve had this idea floating around in my head for a bit, but what about a githyanki tav attempting to woo some of the companions with normal non-githyanki tactics they totally didn’t learn from a cheesy romance novel they found?

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Character(s): Gale, Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Wyll

Note(s): I love this idea so much (need more githyanki love tbh). Decided to add Lae'zel because I just find it very funny to imagine her reaction and how often she'd roll her eyes.

Gale

Was reading his own books when you approach and begin your attempt with reciting some cheesy line. Gale can't help but cut in and help you by correcting your pronunciation. He asks you to keep going though, you're doing great.

As smart as he is, it takes him a little bit to realize that you were flirting with him. When Gale does piece it together, he recites his own line from some book he read. The metaphor probably doesn't completely translate to you and he has to explain it a little, but his words are sweet even if the reaction is delayed.

Gale will compile a list of romance books where you both can read from and pick out very romantic lines in. And he can explain some of it to you as well to help you learn more too. He views teaching you and sharing knowledge as the most romantic of dates.

Lae'zel

She is unbelievably unamused when you approach her and start talking like one of the noms on this land (you try to correct her that it's "Gnome" but she doesn't listen).

You tried to explain that you found a book and thought it'd be helpful to learn the mating rituals of the people on of this land and she thought you hit your head. Will not stand for any of the name calling you do. It is insulting to be called "pretty like a rose" when she should be as strong as a dragon.

If you wish to really inspire her for a night of passion then she'll show you how to actually accomplish that. Her determination to take charge and show you how it's done isn't quite what you had in mind, but it worked.

Shadowheart

She's very wary when you approach her. And then you start spewing some poetry? Shadowheart is confused and doesn't know if this is some kind of manipulation tactic you have or what. But then she sees your own confusion over some of the lines and now she's a bit amused.

Each time you approach, she's crossing her arms and listening to you very obviously recite lines you rehearsed. She'll wait until the end and comment that she never heard of a gith enjoying poetry. When you bluntly tell her you read from a book in hopes of wooing her, well that completely surprises her. And she feels a bit bad at being so on guard at first when you were trying to flirt.

Shadowheart will tell you that poetry isn't always the way to her heart, some compliments would be nice. But really, if you want to romance her than join her for some alcohol instead and your lips can be used in other ways than speaking.

Wyll

Wyll is definitely a hopeless romantic and to see you come up to him and begin saying some rather cheesy lines, well he can't deny how flustered it starts to make him. A soft smile is on his face as he listens to you attempting to flirt.

Finds it so adorable that you do have a bit of confusion on your face as you recite some lines. Probably because you don't quite understand the meaning due to the cultural difference, but he stays quiet and lets you continue without correcting.

There's a good chance that Wyll has already read the cheesy romance that you stole the lines from. He can't help but bring it up and ask. When he hears your confirmation, it makes him happy and he recommends other cheesy romances that you could read together and he can explain the meanings to some of the flowery language (as well as use his own cheesy lines as well).

Taglists: @reo-the-leo @unhelpfulnpc

[drawingdroid]

Count Dooku x Dressmaker Fem Reader

One shot | 3368 words | Smut & Romance | Age Gap

A/N: Bestie @dookuswifey has a lot of big feelings about the Old Man, so I had to write here a little treat using The Prompt List.

Prompts:

11. "Spend the night with me." 28. "Each of my thoughts about you are important." 34. "I'm afraid I can no longer remain professional." 38. "I'll let you do anything if you just touch me now."

It'd been some time since you arrived in Serenno to work as a tailor. Fresh out from the University of Naboo, you caught the eye of the person in charge of looking for new personnel for the palace. They noticed the love and care you put into each of your designs and your attention to detail and immediately contacted your teacher about an open position in the palace. You didn't expect an offer like that at all, humble as you were about your craft. But the last thing you thought was that you would be serving the one and only Count Dooku.

He had been a Jedi and was a respected politician and aristocrat. Those were the things you knew about him before flying to your new planet.  In his public appearances, he was always elegant and well-spoken, and maybe you thought he was actually a very attractive man. But from what you knew, you would be just one of the numerous tailors and seamstresses working for him. You probably won't meet him ever.

At your arrival, your anxiety about fitting in with the other personnel of the palace spiked, but everyone was so nice to you. Being the youngest on the staff, soon you felt welcomed and everyone tried to help you. The palace was indeed beautiful and your quarters were quite decent for a servant, with lots of natural light and a soft bed. You wondered how your working day would look while unpacking your belongings.

The next day, a protocol droid showed up at your door to walk you to your workshop. It was a huge room with lots of sewing machines. Some of your coworkers were already starting with the sewing projects they had in hand. Then the droid showed you where everything you needed was, and you could admire the fine materials you would be working with. In the centre of the room, there was a circular platform surrounded by ornate mirrors to make the fittings. Everything looked classy and expensive there, from the wood flooring to the chandelier. Finally, you were shown to your personal workstation, and the droid went through every tool there and the sewing patterns that were most used. You also noticed a huge sewing mannequin that was obviously custom-made, since it wasn't the standard men’s one. The droid gave you a notebook with a thorough compilation of measurements and sketches from the previous dressmaker. It told you they had to retire due to arthritis and you felt bad for them since they looked like an organised person who had put a lot of thought into their craft.

The droid bowed to you and excused itself after explaining everything everything you asked, and shortly you were left on your own. You introduced yourself to the seamstresses and explored a bit on your own until a different droid came to you.

"Master Dooku requests your presence in the breakfast room." Your blood froze inside your veins, absolutely not expecting that. Checking your hair in one of the mirrors, you rapidly gathered pins, measuring tape and the notebook the previous tailor left for you. But for your confusion, the droid said that such tools won't be needed. You felt like throwing up while you followed it through the quiet corridors under the morning light.

The holos didn't do him justice, it was your first thought entering the room. The was sitting with a display of various choices of breakfast, the place service being the most delicate you had ever seen. His gorgeous side profile looked godly illuminated by the morning, and you had to actively hide your admiration for your new employer. He left the holopad he was reading when he noticed you, and stood up to his full height to receive you.

"Good morning young lady, it's a pleasure to have someone of your skill joining my team." His voice was deep and he had constant eye contact with you. You thought you'd break under his gaze like one of the delicate glasses on the table.

"The pleasure is mine, Count Dooku. I'm honoured to have joined the palace staff." You didn't know how you had put together so many words, but he nodded satisfied with your answer.

"Please, sit with me and serve yourself." He indicated with a broad hand. "Coffee or tea?" 

"I actually prefer hot cocoa, thank you." Your brain must had glitched, because how the hell you were commenting on your personal preferences to an aristocrat who happened to be your boss? You started to panic, but he surprised you with a belly laugh.

"Our new dressmaker has a sweet tooth." And someone in the way he said it made you feel things you shouldn't about your boss. A droid appeared with a actual pot of fresh hot cocoa for you and you thanked it thoroughly, enjoying the warm beverage in silence while your heart was beating like a crazy horse.

"Now that we've eaten, let's talk about your job requirements." He said after finishing his breakfast, cleaning his moustache with a cloth napkin. You listened attentively while he communicated to you his main preferences and necessities regarding his wardrobe. You couldn't stop wondering about why his valet wasn't the person meeting you for this, but maybe Count Dooku was the kind of man that wanted to attend to all his business personally. He definitely looked like that.

He needed a new cape, three tunics and a special outfit for the upcoming Life Day gala, so you will be busy. He told you that he trusted your fabric choices and that you would be able to comment with his valet his preferred silhouettes and the dress code of the gala.

"Let me walk you to the workshop." He offered after both of you were down commenting on the specifics of your job. In your stroll until there, he commented on some architectural facts that you found really interesting. 

"Again, it's a pleasure to have such a skilled young woman as my personal dressmaker." You had been guessing it by now, but he had made it clear. Anyone had told you before accepting the job there you'll be his personal tailor. Maybe they thought that you could be intimidated by it, you couldn't know. 

"The pleasure is mine sir, I hope my work fulfils your likes and needs." You responded politely in a small voice. Then to your surprise, Count Dooku kissed your hand as a farewell, and left you at the door in a twirl of his cape.

What had just happened? and why was your heart beating that fast?

The first fitting

You had busted your ass to create something incredible to Count Dooku and now the first fiting was here. You haven't seen him since your breakfast together, but maybe it was for the better. The man had the capacity to make you feel weak on the knees and you needed a cold head to fulfil this project. The reality was that you recalled that first encounter every day, sighing like a teenager and imagining the big mannequin was him. Pathetic, you thought.

But the day arrived and he was there in his full glory. The other tailors and seamstress were on their time off and it was just the two of you. He smiled widely at your sight and then stepped on the room. You first showed him the cape and the tunics, the less complicated projects, and he was delighted with your progress. 

"You're working at an amazing pace young lady, I hope you're not overdoing it though." He commented, a frown of worry adorning his forehead. You laughed tired, it was true you had been working extra hard.

"Don't worry about me sir, my only goal is to have your suit in time, the rest is important."

"Each of my thoughts about you are important," he responded in a commanding, but gentle voice. You stopped what you were doing absolutely stunned. You knew you shouldn't be looking at him like that but you had turned to stone. He then cleared his throat. "What I mean is that I care for your well-being and I wouldn't want you overworking yourself." His clarification didn't make much to stop your crazy heart and you didn't know how to act now.

"That's very kind of you, sir." You responded submissively, not looking at him in the eye. His presence was everywhere, but it was only going to get worse. Your throat was dry. "Could you try your suit now sir?" Your petition came in the smallest voice, but he nodded and went up the fitting platform obediently.

You were actively trying not to touch him too much, but Maker, you were his tailor. From the expanse of his chest to his strong arms you started to learn every part of his clothed body so well. You could see your reflection and your cheekbones were burning. He now was silent and observed you working around. The platform made you even tinier next to him, and that was exactly how you felt.

"Do you like it, sir?" You asked shyly after the full suit was finally on display over his broad body. 

"Is perfect dear," he responded turning around to admire your design. By now all your face was a violent red, but it became even worse "Good job." Just the two words of praise made you melt and you were sure right now he had noticed.

"I'm happy to serve you in any way I can, sir," you responded, and you'd swear you saw his gaze darkening for a moment.

"I'll just need you to adjust the design to be able to hang my sabre, if that is okay." He asked with a deeper voice than before.

"Of course! Just tell me where." You responded, eager to improve your design to his needs. To fulfil the strong need you felt to please this man. 

What happened next just made your brain glitch. Dooku grabbed your hand and slowly, positioned it in the part of his hip where he preferred his lightsaber to be. Your mouth went dry. 

"There." He indicated, and you nodded flustered, running to make annotations to position the holster. Your hand burnt.

While you did so, he redressed and your firing session was over.

"I can have the design change in one week."

"Don't overwork yourself though." He was adjusting his cape but wasn't getting it well so you helped with it standing on your tippy toes.

"Thanks, dear," his gaze was fixated on you, between his lashes his pupils won't stop registering your little hands going over the cape clasp.

Ready to go sir, is there something more you need?" Your big doe eyes are so eager to help that you have been messing with Count Dookz that's the only explanation to his petition.

"Spend the night with me," he blurted and you opened your mouth in disbelief. Had you heard wrong?  "I mean, the gala, would you accompany me, miss?" He clarified, and you sighed in relief because it couldn't be what you first thought.

"I can't see how you would want to be accompanied by a plain dressmaker sir, even though I'll accompany you if that's your wish." You responded in your most diplomatic way, trying to not scream internally. "Nevertheless, I don't have a gown to wear to such an event." Your pout made Dooku's heart shiver and that's the only explanation for why he caressed your cheek next for a brief moment.

"Don't worry about that, darling." And after kissing your hand like he did the first time, he disappeared followed by his cape.

You had to take the rest of your day free to assimilate what had just happened between both of you.

The second fitting

To say you were nervous was the understatement of the cycle. As expected, you didn’t listen to him and busted your ass to create the perfect suit. That day, you even did your hair in a fancier updo and put your favourite dress on. Both of you had been coinciding briefly here and there, but in the end, you were staff so your routines were so different. He’d always smile at you during those encounters and even stop a moment even though he had important meetings to attend.  

You were daydreaming looking through your room’s window, thinking about your next fitting session with him, when you saw it. You knew he had been a Jedi and you talked about his sabre, but you didn’t actually think he engaged in combat. That was until that day, your jaw dropped at the sight of Count Dooku training in the gardens with the sabre. The vision was magnetic. He looked so agile and strong going through the different feints he was practising. You noticed he was wearing one of the tunics you had designed for him. The garment fit him like a glove. You were mesmerized by the sight until you noticed he had stopped working out. And he was looking in your direction. It was impossible that he could see you in this distance but you felt weird, like he was just there with you. With your heartbeat spiking, you moved away from the window and continued preparing yourself for the day.

It was still soon in the morning when the protocol droid announced that Coun Dooku would be coming for his second fitting session that afternoon. You swallowed hard, eager to have a private moment with him again and even realized your perfume. A part of you felt silly because why an aristocrat would want to mess with you? But on the other hand, under his gaze, it was the first time you had felt truly seen. And then it was that strange moment this morning. You didn’t want to give it more thought, but it had felt weirdly intimate.

The afternoon arrived and your coworkers left and you started getting more and more nervous until the door finally opened.

“It’s nice to see you again young lady.” He had changed from the tunic you saw him with this morning and smelled incredible. You stood immediately and bowed in respect, but your hands were already trembling slightly.

“Welcome to the workshop sir. Shall we start the fitting?” He then eyed you from head to toe lazily, not moving an inch from where he was standing. The thing was that you were eager to have your hands all over him, even though it was supposed to be in a professional way.

“I can’t wait,” he responded in a raspy voice, and you wondered for one second if he was waiting for you to touch him too, but rapidly discarded that thought. This was strictly a professional physical touch and Count Dooku was just being nice. He went up the round platform and you rushed to get the suit and the pins. But this time, he wasn’t undressing and you looked at him quizically for a moment. 

“Would you allow me, sir?” You asked, pointing at his cape, and he nodded. On your tiptoes, you found the clasp, and with the corner of your eye, you saw the reflection of you both and thought how good you looked together.

“Have you thought about my invitation, dear?” He asked as if he could read your mind. Moving away, you folded carefully the heavy cape and put it on a chair.

“I don’t have anything to wear to an event like that,” you responded carefully, turning again to face him. 

“I’ll have the most beautiful dress crafted for you, sweet girl.” 

Your eyes opened widely and your head started spiralling. Did he really want to bring you to the Gala as his companion? Why? You were a girl from a good Nabooian family, but nothing worthy of an aristocrat like him. While your brain was working on overdrive, he had been removing his tunic and was now only in a high-neck undershirt. You swallowed hard and it took all the self-restraint in yourself to not look at him like the eye candy he was.

“Why me?” You asked finally, your gaze fixated on your task of helping him with his new tunic. It fitted him perfectly, and you would be proud if it wasn't for the incessant pounding of your heart. Next, you went to grab the new belt to close his tunic and hang the lightsaber, trying to remain professional at all times. You offered it to him, but he just lifted his arms, indicating that he wanted you to put it. 

“You have caught my eye, little lady.” You blushed incapable of looking at him. It wasn’t anything you already knew, but hearing it was a different deal.

“Can I put your belt now, sir?” You asked approximating him, feeling hotter and hotter. Count Dooku leaned over your shoulder and you felt his hot breath when he spoke.

"I'll let you do anything if you just touch me now." You actually squeaked at his words. Your eyes finally met his and they were dark and inviting, but you had a job to do. Putting your arms around his waist, you adjusted the new belt, but this time you didn’t avoid touching him but the contrary. Then, with trembling hands, you adjusted the tunic around it. Your hands started to travel to his ample chest and you looked at him in search of reassurance. He was looking at you with his mouth agape, eyes semi-opened and the most adoring look. It was the yes you needed before letting your hands roam through the expanse of his chest and shoulders. It was adorable how he let a deep sigh leave his lips as if he had been waiting for this as much as you. His desire fueled yours and made you feel bold, hands travelling south to the new belt again.

“I think everything fits well sir, do you feel comfortable?” You asked, keeping the illusion of professionalism. “Is the belt appropriate for your lightsaber?” With doe eyes, you looked at him while tugging at the belt casually, when you noticed how hard he was and your jaw dropped.

“To be honest, my pants are feeling a bit tight miss.” He purred and your mouth went completely dry. 

“Let me fix that for you, sir,” and you actually put the little act of pretending you were adjusting his pants, even dropping to your knees. You could see his Adam’s apple move when he swallowed, his gaze not leaving yours for a moment. “I think I’ve found the problem,” you cooed and slowly stood up again caressing his outer thighs while doing it.

“Oh, yeah? And was is it dearn?”

You tilted your head and looked through your long lashes coquettish. Your little hands travelled again to find the waistband of his pants. Maker, he was even harder.

“The problem is…” You started tracing patterns with your thumbs over his hipbones. "I'm afraid I can no longer remain professional, Mr Dooku."

Your boss groaned and all hell broke loose. In a moment, he had manhandled you into the ample pattern table. He was nestled between your tights, your skirt hiked up and he looked so manly while needy over you.

“Is this what you want, little one?” He asked while kissing that soft spot behind your ear.

“Yes, oh yes, sir.·

Thanks to the Maker, the old piece of furniture was sturdy enough to endure the rest of the passionate fitting session.

You ended up accompanying Count Dooku to the Life Day gala, both of you looking radiant together in your tailor-made garments. All the eyes were on you, but you only could see the gorgeous man who was holding your arm the entire soiree. When the first notes of music started, he was fast to bow and ask you a dance, and you complied happily. That was only the first of the many events you would attend together. For every one of them, you would design the most amazing suit and he would gift you the prettiest gown. Everyone would talk behind your back, but the thing was you only had eyes for each other.

[stunfiskz]

Please tell me about the deltarune pokemon au. I wanna know about the teams

apologies this took me a bit to put together, i have had a Night LOL

this started as just a thing i like to do for a lot of fandoms where i make a handful of pokemon teams for characters, but it’s kind of expanded into its own concept in my head now X) i’ve been watching a lot of pchal’s videos lately and so my image for a full project with this au would likely be a romhack but i doubt it’ll ever actually get made lmao 

basically, you play as kris still in it. they’re beginning their journey as a pokemon trainer a couple years after their brother asriel left on his own. almost all of their party will depend on what the player catches, but they have a starter honedge (can fully evolve it) that you cannot remove from the party. honedge is a fun choice to me because it doubles as both the knife they have in the light world and their weapon being a sword in the dark world.

susie, ralsei, noelle, and berdly are rivals. the latter two are more of the professors assistant (professor is alphys probably) type rivals, though- berdly in particular would focus on filling up his pokédex and would brag about all the pokemon he’s caught. susie is your traditional asshole rival and ralsei your friendly one. the idea i have for noelle is that she is like… a walking glitch cause, lmao. i always loved watching pokemon glitch compilations when i was little and think its a really fun idea for her. it could start with small things- like, a scene in the school where the curtains turn black when she enters and go back to normal when she leaves, up until she starts getting some REALLY weird shit like the bad egg in her party. unsure what exactly the climax would be for that but i think it’ll be really fun to mess with haha

i think that each chapters main boss would be leaders of their own evil team. i could see it like… king leader of team spade and queen leader of team cyber, maybe? rouxls could be a team spade admin (and maybe lancer i initially didn’t think of that but the idea of there being a like 8 year old as an evil team admin makes me lose it) and swatch & tasque manager as team cyber admins.  unfortunately being rouxls brained means i’ve thought quite a bit for him in this au lmao, i think it’d be funny if he was a former member of basically every evil team imaginable but just kept getting kicked out for being incompetent 😭

as for the teams, i currently have

kris with their starter honedge

susie with a final team of hydreigon, hydrapple, druddigon, tyrantrum, scrafty, and toxtricity. all funny lizards, lol. in particular, hydreigon was chosen for a few reasons- one, i’m biased because the deino line is one of my favorites, but also because the progression of deino and zweilous having their eyes covered, the whole ravenously hungry thing, and all that fit susie very well imo. hydrapple was also chosen specifically because of the whole apple thing she has with kris.

ralsei has an umbreon, absol, altaria, cacturne, comfey, and zoroark. i initially wanted to give him a mono dark team but felt altaria and comfey fit him better than my previous picks. umbreon is a cute dark type with a fluffy prevo, absol is a fluffy dark type and i feel that its whole omen of disaster thing fits nicely with ralsei delivering the prophecy, altaria is fluffy + the whole soothing song thing fits well with ralsei’s pacify spell, cacturne looks like his hat lol, comfey is a healer and has the flowers thing like that one fuckass fangamer shirt i think about constantly, and zoroark is fluffy and ralsei himself has his whole mimicry thing going on.

noelle has an alolan ninetales, sawsbuck winter form, venusaur, azumarill, kabutops, and mew. alolan ninetales was chosen because she needs at least one ice type lmao, sawsbuck because Winter Deer, venusaur because a lot of glitch Pokémon will default to using bulbasaur’s sprite due to it being first in the dex, azumarill both because of the transgender marill glitch and the pikablu rumors pre gsc, and kabutops because one of the sprites that missingno can use in gen 1 is a fossil resembling it, and mew because Mew Under The Truck. i really want her team to be mostly themed around glitch/playground runor stuff but i'm a bit worried that these picks aren’t that recognizable/don’t make as much sense for her because of that 😅

rouxls has a leavanny, vivillon (polar), frosmoth, larvesta, dunsparce, and orthworm. leavanny has the Sewing/Caretaker thing as well as being an early bug evo, vivillon polar form in particular looks like him and is an early bug (easy to get), frosmoth is shiny and is a friendship evo meaning it doesn’t take much effort to evolve, larvesta is little worm, dunsparce is worm adjacent and has the whole “useless silly thing” going on as well, and orthworm is big silly worm. i tried to only chose evolutions that wouldn’t require a lot of effort, which is why larvesta and dunsparce are both unevolved. additionally, i didn’t actually realize this til i was sharing the team with gummy and it pointed it out, but he has a couple friendship evos, which is just always fun when evil team members have those lol.

lancer has a gastly, spheal, voltorb, gible, galarian darumaka, and munchlax. silly and round….

the rest i don’t have full teams for yet, but have some sort of idea for

i want king to have a mono dark team, particularly of more imposing pokemon. i currently have him down with a pangoro, obstagoon, and tyranitar. i really want to give him a guzzlord but im unsure how to be able to justify him having an ultra beast in universe haha. maybe the fountains could be like ultra wormholes and each main boss could have one?

queen has an electivire because. wires lol. and also a tsareena because queen pokemon + kick attack + i like it a lot that’s always been one of my favs lol

swatch has a smeargle, staraptor, porygon 2, indeedee, and spritzee (thank you jay for helping me with the last one lol). i still feel like im struggling a bit to find a real direction for their team though :p

i think it would be funny if tasque manager had a team full of luxray but im unsure how much im willing to commit to it lol

in theory i want berdly to be a bird trainer, but he could also fit well with other pokemon like alakazam for his smart boy gimmick. unsure what direction to go for him as well

ah, also! i think it would be very funny if jevil, spamton, and any other secret bosses had their own weird mechanics for fights, but im unsure exactly what. my first thought was jevil’s fight locking you into hardcore nuzlocke rules and spamton trying to steal your pokemon throughout the fight but the first feels a bit too morbid and the second im unsure how that would actually work so XD will probably go for something different there lol. also reminds me, i think it would be fun for the shopkeepers to still be shopkeepers, and each sell different items like tms or held items used for competitive play! 

thank you for enabling me to ramble abt this lol

[sorinethemastermind]

Fluffcember 2024: Snowed In | Rayllum & Sorvus & Clauderry Callum is determined to ask Rayla to be his girlfriend this Winter Break. But if he can't even start a fire, how is he supposed to create the perfect moment? Soren has decided to stay on campus this Christmas, but with Rayla and Callum as his only company, he's starting to feel like a third wheel. Except maybe it's not just the three of them left on campus after all. Meanwhile Claudia is trying to have a nice Christmas with her family, but maybe her family isn't at home...

 Usually Terry would have loved to be snowed in with his girlfriend. He still loved to be snowed in with his girlfriend. His girlfriend’s family… not quite so much. 

 But what was a bad situation but a chance to make things better? Nowhere to go but up! That’s what he told himself, anyway, when Claudia suggested they all gather in the living room after dinner for a board game night.

 Viren had said he was busy and Lissa had muttered that he was always conveniently busy when it was time to spend time with his family, after which Viren had cheerily decided that he did, in fact, have time to play boardgames with them. In fact, he was going to take the rest of the day off from work to do just that.

 Claudia had beamed at them both and jumped up, clapping her hands together as she rushed around to gather various games from across the house and compile them in the living room.

 Now it was time. Dinner had been eaten (silently, except for Claudia) and the two girls were gathering some snacks from the kitchen before they began. Terry glanced out of the corner of his eye at Viren. He was scowling at his phone, swiping through messages as though each had personally wronged him. Terry did not want to be whoever he was texting. 

 He considered waiting for the man’s mood to brighten, but it rarely did. Here goes nothing, Terry thought. Or everything.

 “Ahem. Uh, Sir, uhm, Claudia’s dad?”

 Viren took a moment to finish what he’d been typing, exit out of the text thread, and turn off his phone before turning to face him. “Yes?”

 Terry shot a quick glance towards the kitchen, making sure that the others were still distracted. “I wanted to talk to you about Claudia.”

 “Oh? And what about her?”

 Terry swallowed, and then it all came out in a single breath. “Spending the holidays with the both of you really matters a lot to her. It’s all she’s been talking about for months and months! And I won’t pretend to understand what happened between you and your ex-wife, and Claudia is strong and resilient, but I think that it would mean a lot to her if she could feel like you’re all a happy family, for just a little bit. Especially with her brother not being here.”

 Viren stared at him for a moment, forehead creasing into a scowl. “You’re right. You do not understand what happened between Lissa and I.” Then he sighed, the scowl fading. “But I will think about what you said.”

 “Thank you, Sir.”

 “I’m not some noble lord, Terry. Call me Viren.”

 “Yes, sorry. Viren.” Terry corrected himself, giving the man a smile.

 Viren glanced at him for a moment, then directed his gaze to the kitchen, where Terry could see Claudia spinning about as she pulled things down from the shelves before passing them to her mother.

 “You care about my daughter very much, don’t you?” Viren said, more a statement than a question. Terry answered it anyway.

 “How could I not? Just look at her.” he sighed, smile widening. “She’s perfect.”

 “I agree.”

 Terry glanced over at him, a little surprised. He thought it might have been the first nice thing he’d said since they’d arrived at the cabin.

 Viren let out a small chuckle upon spotting his expression. “Claudia is my daughter, I realized she was wonderful long before you did, Terry.” He let out a long sigh then, expression darkening. “I have always been willing to do anything for my family. I try to push them to be the best versions of themselves they can be. The strongest and greatest. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder if, perhaps, I’ve also pushed them away.”

 “You’re talking about Soren.”

 “Yes.”

 Terry wasn’t sure what to say to that, and they both fell silent for a moment. Finally, he asked; “What did you think was the strongest and greatest version of him?”

 “I’m not sure I know anymore.” Viren admitted. “I think maybe… it was too different from who he was. Who he is.” He sighed. “He reminds me a lot of his mother.”

 “And that is… hard for you?”

 “Sometimes.”

 “Have you ever told him that?”

 Viren scoffed. “Of course not.”

 “Maybe you should.”

 Whatever moment they’d been having ended abruptly as Viren got up, tone sharpening again. “You know less about these things than you act like you do.”

 “I’m sorry.” Terry said hurriedly, not entirely sure what had changed. “I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 Slowly, Viren sank back down onto the couch. “I suppose you are a part of this family as well, now. Aren’t you, Terrestrius?”

 Terry gave him a nervous smile. “I think that’s up to you.”

 “It’s up to her.” Viren jerked his head in the direction of the kitchen. “And she likes you. So I will trust my daughter’s judgement. If you make her happy, then I suppose you are here to stay.”

 Terry’s smile widened. “Well, thank you.”

 “Do not thank me. I had no choice in the matter.”

 “You had a little bit of a choice.” Terry offered.

 “Then don’t make me change my mind.” Viren said, picking up his phone again and returning to tapping at it.

 “Yes, Sir. I mean, uh, Viren.”

 The man rolled his eyes, smiling almost imperceptibly, but Terry caught it.

[one-winged-babygirl]

There's one thing that has been bothering me with Rebirth as I've been playing through it, and it's the constant tonal shifts.

I mean after nearly every serious scene something else happens right after it, that lightens the mood. I'm not saying that the whole game has to be serious all the time, but there are a lot of scenes where it just feels so forced and unnatural.

In comparison to everyrhing else in the compilation of FF7 (exluding Dirge of Cerberus and Before Crisis from this, because I still haven't played or watched them yet so I don't know enough to make a comparison) pretty much nothing else in the franchise has any big issues with this. All them either have managed to include tonal shifts naturally or keep it pretty consistent.

The OG keeps it pretty consistend throughout and only has one tonal shift that I can quickly think of that is rather unfitting, but since it's the only one that is like that it makes it a little funnier. And that part is the snowboarding, it's simply just absurd enough in that part that it's kinda funny. Overall the OG's funny moments are mostly simple jokes that subtly lighten the mood without complete tonal shifts or they're unintentionally funny, like Sephiroth yeeting a materia at Cloud, doing a frontflip and floating away.

Advent Children also stays very consistent in it's tone. It is very serious throughout other than a couple jokes. It's almost too consistent, which only really shows through one scene where it's kind of unintentionally broken by a very well known comment by Tifa. Then again that line of dialogue is just a strange choice, no matter how serious or unserious the movie was overall. (Someone on tiktok described the scene as Cloud pouring his heart out and Tifa just basically telling him "womp womp" 😭💀)

In Crisis Core there are a lot of tonal shifts, but they work. Zack is just such an energetic and happy character that it makes sense that even in tougher situations, he still sometimes acts that way. However when there are very serious moments they let us sit with those moments long enough to process them until throwing us something funny or something else distract from the seriousness. So the tone is inconsistent but still feels natural enough.

The First Soldier seems so far to also go for the consistent route in it's tone, and does it well. It's just really sad and you can't help but feel bad for Sephiroth, even if it seems a bit hopeful like once.

Despite being the same trilogy Remake does it's tone a lot better. Then again there are far less serious moments in Remake than in Rebirth. There absolutely are serious moments but those are really all at the end while the early game has a less serious approach. It works it's way up to get more and more serious gradually making the tonal shift from less to more serious feel like a natural progression.

NOW SPOILERS FOR REBIRTH BELOW!

For an example after Cloud nearly kills Tifa, just right after she wakes up and her and Cloud are having a serious conversation, Yuffie and Cait are outside the door chanting "kiss kiss kiss" which I mean it is funny and shifts the tone for a less serious one, but it does feel like a strange timing for it. Like Cloud is losing his mind and nearly killed Tifa, are none of them are worried? Like at all!?

Now finally Rebirth. It's tone feels very cheery kind of overall. It's sunny and nice and beautiful everywhere and I don't mind that really. Like I already said, what I do mind is that after anything actually serious happens there has to be some unserious stuff happening almost immediately after.

Overall since that whole thing was in Gongaga, I also just want to mention that the way the whole area was handled, just feels tonally wrong considering the tragedy that took place there only 3 years prior. But I'm not gonna get any more into that rn.

After the whole thing with Dyne too, the game barely gives us any time to sit with the scene, until Dio and Rude start their goofy ahh fight scene. Like this game really just breaks your heart and goes "anyway look the silliest characters ever fight each other now."

And where it really started to bug me was after finding our about Red's father. Like it's a really emotional scene and we even see Barret literally cry over it, despite him and Red not really getting along before. It had all the potential to be a beautiful, gut wrenching scene that would showcase these two characters bond, if it was just a bit longer. But no fucking Gi Nattak is apparently too busy being undead, that he just has to show up immediately and ask the party to follow him! Like he could have waited for when the party was just about to like turn around and leave and the scene would have been so much better, butt nope.

This is just something that I've noticed and it doesn't mean that I don't like Rebirth, just a thing I wish was handled better in it.

Also I might remember some things incorrectly, my memory is not the most reliable.

Thanks for reading my rant!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Hurdles and Challenges

Wow. Sometimes the world goes to lengths to give me a break. Though honestly, it's kind of backfiring because apparently the world doesn't know me very well.

See, I was debating calling out today. It was nearly 5am before I got any sleep because the stress and worry and ... well, everything ... caused pain flare and migraine. I woke up before my alarm, feeling a little bit better overall, but still kind of crap. Still, I know that we're struggling a little at work and I'm off all next week so I decided to take painkillers about it and carry on.

Apparently the Small God of IT had other ideas, because there is currently a hiccup with our patient records system and it's not letting me log in. I've spoken to IT and this is not a me-problem; this is an IT problem and while they are working on it, they have no idea when it's getting fixed. Though I have to say, IT was a little stunned when I got on the phone to them and they started the, "Have you refreshed the browser?" thing and I went, "Refreshed the browser, restarted the browser, cleared the cache, restarted the entire computer, everything. Nothing worked". I get why they had to go through all that, but I kind of wish they'd looked at their notes before running me through the "A statistically significant percentage of end users are ignorant of anything beyond 'press button to do thing'" spiel. We could have skipped a whole part of the interaction that way.

Anyway, so I'm sitting here, wiggling my work mouse every so often and keeping an eye on my email client, and honestly getting shit all done. I could check the typing queue, at least, and that honestly isn't too bad right now ... though it's about to get worse because Goblin's going out to an appointment and may or may not be back today. (I hope she's okay.) The thing I said about the world not knowing me very well is ... well. I could probably take it easier, not worry so much about immediately knowing when I can get to work, maybe even say, "Maybe this is for the best because I feel horrible and could use a sick day" ... but I can't stand being forced to not do things. I get nervous when IT things are going wrong, because what if it's a huge problem that won't get fixed for days? I need to know when it's fixed, so I'm going to keep trying. Plus, if I'm honest, I am an ornery so-and-so and I only get more determined when faced with a set of hurdles between myself and a task - whether I need to do it or I just want to, I want to know I can.

On that subject, Veilguard. I woke up nearly an hour before my alarm, which means I'm running on maybe four and a half hours' sleep right now. But I figured since I was up, I'd check in on Veilguard. Now, it would have been nice if someone had warned me how long it takes to configure shader settings, but never mind - my early wake-up meant I still had some time to poke at things. From the looks of things, I can play it, at least in early stages. I might want to look at whatever invincibility mode the thing has, and will be careful to not stand near any cliffs just in case, but I've been making it through the prologue without too much issue. It helps that this isn't my "real" playthrough yet, mostly because between compiling shaders and figuring out the character creation thing, I didn't get that much time to actually play. On short acquaintance, though, I think the issue is mostly the visual noise, so to speak. So much is happening on the screen that it's hard to know what you're supposed to be focused on at any give moment. I'll probably get used to it. I'm not going to be seeking a refund, anyway - which is good because I barely have time to do so. If games are going to spend over half an hour configuring shader settings at launch, Steam needs to be more generous with its return policies.

So ... yeah. Today's been me dealing with the hurdles technology sets. Not entirely winning, but coping. I'll have another try at restarting my work browser just to see, and then find something to do. I mean, maybe I could even get through the Veilguard prologue on this practice character. (I don't even remember what I named them; that's how tired I am.)

[gay-s0ck-puppet]

in honor of me not having the energy/mental capacity to tune into the riptide stream i have decided to compile all my favorite gillion quotes/moments from episode #90. obviously spoilers ahead. behold:

~ “Well that wasn’t your teeth so I’ll assume that was just a playful threat. The difference is: I’m going to actually eat you.”

~ Kuba: “I do wanna make sure I’m crushing you at your peak.”

Gillion: “You know actually, it’s funny you mention that because I was gonna get this new armor commission, so right now you’re fighting a very very weak, weak, unarmored version of me. So when you lose it’s gonna feel even worse.”

~ “You [pointing at Kenta] are gonna have an opportunity to attack but you’re not gonna do it! Cuz this is the small boy we keep on the ship, and that’s not what we fuckin do around here ok?”

~ “I was worried I was gonna need to use a spell or something. But I can save it all for you.” *rips his fucking shirt off and lets it fly dramatically into the wind* [i need everyone to understand that he did the 80,000lb anchor bit shirtless this is so important. also fuck canon his hair definitely came loose from its bun and flew dramatically behind him.]

~ *puts on the dread helm* “This is the helm I put on when I no longer need to be Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep. This is the helm I put on when I’m going to cut off your fucking hands. And I’m gonna make sure that whatever nightmares you walk out of here with are gonna be far worse than mine.”

~ *cuts off Kuba Kenta’s hand* “You know, I had some pretty bad nightmares recently myself. The crazy part of them was: you weren’t in them. Because the nightmare was I’d never be able to do That.”

~ “No I’m going to eat you! Not if i eat you first!” *Kuba Kenta grapples him with a bite* “No! You weren’t kidding!”

~ [directed at the moon] “Mommy help.”

~ “You know the crazy thing about nightmares, Kuba? They keep getting worse!” [makes anchor 80,000lbs and starts falling, grabs onto Kuba] “NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE!”

~ “Huh. That is really soft- AAAGHHH”

~ Charlie: “I look at Chip then I look down at the cat then I look back up and give him a little thumbs up and then I fucking fall through the ground at 1000 miles an hour.”

Bizly: “I open up the door. I close back the door and look at Jay. (as Chip) ‘There’s a lot goin on out there.’”

~ ‘Light Mode!’ being the command word for the anchor because the command for Chip’s sword is ‘Hot mode’

~ “I just have a feeling if i get out on the dock wrong and hit my shin I’ll die. That’s kinda where I’m at right now and I do that, Chip, a lot.”

~ “When he’s up, and if he ever decides to come after us ever again, I will literally eat him as promised!”

~ “Is it just a thing then you people in the navy say to fuck with us before you die? Like just some shit like ‘I’ll be back’? Cuz that is kinda wrong.” *looks at kira* “We’ll be back.”

~ “Nice to meet you! Gillion Tidestrider. Sorry it couldn’t be on better terms. Thanks for being down there, I appreciate it. Um. Your vice admiral is a bit of a cock. Huge cock.”

~ Gillion: “I didn’t know you had gills, by the way. That’s great! That makes things a lot easier.”

Jay: “Yeah, no, they kinda hurt. When I put them in.”

Gillion: “…..When you what?”

Charlie: “And Gillion is deeply disturbed by this, enough to just leave the situation.”

~ *looking at the scratches from Kuba Kenta* “I’m sure I’ll figure it out. *looks at Chip’s bed* Hopefully he, at least, is sleeping a bit more soundly. And then I narrate as I crawl into my barrel, head first, and rotate into a fetal position.”

.

i am so very normal about him. anyway rb/tag with you favorite riptide quotes (gillion or otherwise) but please no spoilers for the latest ep.

[theletterwsartflap]

Unpopular opinion i guess, but i think mega man got really good at four and everything before four was kinda flawed

1 is bad because it’s not very well designed

2 can’t seem to decide if it wants to be hard or relatively easy and thus feels unbalanced

And 3 feels unfinished

That's a valid take, actually. It's easy to look back on the first three titles now and pick at the flaws, but game design was pretty much non existent back then. Devs just threw things at the wall to see what would stick.

MM1 came hot off arcades which explains a lot about its design- particularly the score balls. It's nothing amazing, but I could see it potentially becoming a notable quarter muncher (looking at you, Ice Man Stage Footholder section) back then. Being on a home console instead probably did give it a little more accessibility and while it wasn't anything incredibly groundbreaking, it was notable enough to warrant a sequel.

... Which would be MM2. Usually I like to joke it's the beta to MM1's alpha, the two of them essentially being the prototypes for what would become the rest of the series. The music was amped up -1's soundtrack isn't bad, but 2's is more where the rest of the series would follow from, the stages got punched up quite a bit visually (Goodbye blue sky!), and things started to have a bit more of a coherent identity. Love it or hate it, I don't think Mega Man would've continued as strongly as a franchise if MM2 wasn't what it was back then.

You are spot on with 3 being unfinished however. Ambitions were big for 3 and while I'm not particularly clear on the details (I remember reading the original work for Top Man was lost because someone tripped over a power cord), the game basically was released unfinished. Maybe if they hadn't wasted so much time with the stupid DOC* robots they could've had a better game. Shame really, the stages themselves do look nice, the robot masters are well designed in their simplicity (even oddly nekkid Magnet Man), the soundtrack is pretty good, the slide was introduced, and there's the whole WHO IS BREAK MAN thing, or an attempt at telling a story rather. I don't particularly care for 3, mostly because of the DOC* robots and their stages making it feel like a huge slog.

4 does seem to be where they started to really compile everything they'd learned from the first three entries and really built upon them. It's nothing overly grand, but I think what it does good, it actually does rather well. It even does the extended fortress better than 3 did, what with Cossack's Citadel not being too much pain to get through with Wily's Fortress following after.

So, yeah. The 90s were a different time for game design basically. Designers know now generally what works and what doesn't, but back then it was a lot of trial and error. Trial and error I'm glad the Mega Man series persevered through, even if it did get a little bloated not long after.

*Dumb Orange Cuck (i fucking hate them.)

[jakowskis]

Day 22 - Discuss Owen. Opinions? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? Any unpopular opinions? Any fun headcanons?

under the cut for length xD

im actually gonna try to keep this short bc g-d knows like 80% of my brain power’s gone into constantly babbling about owen for the last year. so im gonna speed run this. main opinion? he’s character of all time to me. hes mentally ill hes mean he thinks love is weakness he loves so hard he’d burn down the world for it hes a bitch he cares for his friends sooo much hes good at his job hes bad at his job. hes misogynistic hes a woman hes homophobic hes gay he prioritizes casual sex hes a little bit in love with all his friends hes tries to save others he wants to be saved hes wants to die he gets angry when hes killed he wants to contribute something good he destroys everything he touches hes loyal to a fault he judas’d jack. everyone he loves leaves him he nearly destroyed the world to keep from being abandoned his parents didnt want him his mom never liked him. hes just some guy he’s the most insane bitch to ever exist. hes transmasc shes butch hes a straight guy she could be the worst woman ever hes a bi imbicile. hes mean and bitter and angry and awful and he tries to remind everyone and himself of it but hes good hes good hes good in the end.

other opinions uh… i think the writing handles him irresponsibly at times, and is disrespectful towards him, although maybe they thought it was justified cuz hes an ass sdjkfhds. but the undead arc is fucking mean to him in a lot of places. dmw in particular is like… idk it just strikes a particular tone at his expense, i don’t like it. it’s cruel. but torchwood isn’t exactly a show that respects its characters much. something that particularly bothers me is the way he oscillates between being fucked up and fine in a way that’s like… not realistic, it’s obvious it’s just a writing issue. like, the way he’s magically better and healthier and less of a prick after season 1, and then again after the undead arc. like that’s not how it works. that character growth wasn’t earned. that’s a pet peeve i have, and also kind of why s2 owen exists in a different place in my head as s1 owen. the main owen that lives in my head is him at his worst, not a version of him who’s randomly and inexplicably doing better and being kinder, and as a fic writer i like starting at that unhealthy baseline and trying to actually put the work into making him better, too. lord knows the show didn’t care enough to do it well. then again, it’s torchwood, yknow. the characters aren’t the focus. unfortunately. 

my fav and least fav owen moments are my fav and least fav eps of the whole show fdshfkdjs so they can be found here and here. but tldr, fav moment is everything that happens in the last two eps of s1. least fav is every time he interacts w tosh. lolol. dude i could list sm moments of his that i love i have like five compilations of him on my phone. im ill lmao. there are 11k mentions of his name from me on discord across all my servers ;-; guy im deranged abt fr

unpopular opinions 

i think he’s easily the best written character (not the best character, that's subjective ofc - but i also lowkey think he's the best character. but also im slam dunking him into a dumpster cuz he sucks)

tbh i don’t completely like his backstory? but it is what it is. i just think s2 owen feels very different from s1 owen and they worked so hard to make him more likeable which is nice and all but it’s almost at odds with his original characterization. like i said, s1 owen and s2 owen are practically diff characters to me

mmm and i dont like s2 owen quite as much ;-; i much prefer him in s1. i do like his undead arc though. well. i like aditd. dmw 😒 my beloathed

in general i dont like nice owen fdhfjsdhfkd which i think is an unpopular opinion. im just v picky abt him tbh

i fucking HATE adam!owen he’s not cute. i loathe him. talked about that more here.

(THIS one’s controversial but imho!) him and jack have a very unhealthy + borderline abusive relationship but! it’s in a lowkey fruity way and not a, gag, paternal or brotherly way. ill talk about this more at some point, i wanna do an analysis of their relationship but i don't fully have my thoughts on it together yet. but i think they have smth a bit psychosexual (in the tomgreg definition of the word. where my succession freaks at) going on.

(in general i HATE the fatherly jack & owen angle it makes me super uncomfortable when jack flirts w him in canon. this is the horny show dude. why does authority figure automatically equal father figure to ppl. weird. jack's his commanding officer, guys. also the inherent homoeroticism of being someone's second in command. yknow. he brought him back from the fucking dead, dude. that was fruity with gwen & suzie and it was fruity with jack & owen idc.)

slightly adjacent - i think owen’s a lot gayer than he lets on / than people see him as. i don’t think he’s women-leaning at all, i think he’s more of a 50/50 bi, he’s just got some p heavy internalized issues going on. he’ll sleep with men, if the opportunity presents itself (so he can justify it, lawl), but i think he has issues with the idea of loving and dating one. but i think he’s just as attracted to men as he is to women. 

that being said, i dont think he’d call himself straight. one of my biggest pet peeves is fics where owen’s like “im not gay btw” he wouldnt fucking say that. i think if you asked owen about his sexuality he’d do a hand wavey motion and thatd be that

tosh x owen bad btw ive made my opinion on that clear. i like him with suzie and gwen and martha and even diane, but not tosh. not a cute dynamic. 

and speaking of, he doesnt secretly like tosh lol. ive seen ppl who think he’s secretly very fond of her - i don’t agree with that at all, cuz canon sure says the opposite. he respects her but he doesn't particularly like her very much. (cuz hes a bad taste MORON imagine not liking tosh. what a fucking freak.) which SUCKS i want them to be friends. i want them to be nerd buddies. but nooo. 

in general he’s a “bisexual man who treats women like shit therefore im shipping him w men till he learns be behave” type of character to me

gay love would fix him. btw. i think he needs a boyfriend i think it’d heal him

hcs… i have a lot but a lot of them r private OR i eventually intend to pepper them into my fics so im kind of hoarding them… but i do have some like

for starters he’s a bpd icon

also hes audhd af

he was rlly into punk shit as a teen + played with gender a little bit back then, + sexuality (kissing his guy friends in public to make a statement / piss someone off, that sort of thing). that was kind of his first experience with queerness + figuring himself out + bc of that it was born from a place of defiance that he never fully got over. helped him feel like he was taking back control over smth that made him feel like shit (his mom was. Not an ally. to say the least)

in fact a lot of his behavior is a result of his mom believing he’d always be a fuck up, that he’d never amount to anything. he wears spite like a badge. being a poor kid who became a doctor and getting engaged at 23 were both ‘fuck yous’ to his mom. 

he dabbled in playing drums as a teen (i stole this from burn but i mean owen already canonically skateboards just cuz burn brought his on-set. the rest of burn’s interests owen would probs find dorky tho). he still drums his fingers + pens on his desk a lot this drives everyone crazy. he needs fidget toys

oh he chews on pens also. and hes a chronic leg bouncer. (gwen also has anxious stims actually. if u get those two together on a bad day its a lil cacophony of sound. shes more a nail biting sort tho)

i dont come up with stuff for undead owen much cuz it bums me out but one of my few hcs is he gets rlly into gaming cuz its smth to do. cant skateboard anymore cuz he might hurt himself so he picks up thps *taps temple*. also he shreds at guitar hero but only privately (he thinks its cringe). hes mainly a ps2/ps3 player but tosh builds him a gaming pc (partially just cuz she wants to like the reward of getting to make smth w her hands dhfkdsj). he also gets into doom + postal from his youth again. hes a little more wary of shooter games now that it's his career but also its good for his anger fff

in my owandy verse he has an english bulldog named alfie and he babytalks him but its a very “no one will ever believe you” situation HFSDJHFSDKJFK

i think about owen and pets a lot bc it amuses me <3 i dont think hes a very pet-oriented person but i like the thought of him with reptiles or ferrets. i think he should be a ferret dad. ive been trying to weasel this (ha) into my owento verse bc i think ianto would be displeased. 

ok ill stop before this gets too long.

[apriilessthan3]

social anxiety online

i used to have rly bad social anxiety online and after the social anxiety talk during aksel's stream yesterday i decided to compile some things that have helped me feel more comfortable interacting with people online. also, yes this is a little bit inspired by aksel's comfort media tumblr post :p

twitch

i think the easiest way to start getting yourself out there online is by chatting during streams. you could start by only sending emotes in chat. a lot of emotes are bttv emotes so make sure you have bttv installed. there is also a bttv setting that allows you to tab emotes, so you won't have to type them out completly. usually the chat reacts to certain parts of the stream the exact same way, so you could copy the emotes you see in chat. i would sometimes even wait for other people to start sending emotes and then i would just copy them lol. it's a nice way to get yourself out there while still also being hidden in the crowd. since everyone is sending the same emotes you won't stand out.

once you feel a bit more comfortable sending emotes you could try sending some chat messages. i feel like this is easier to do when the chat is moving fast, since there is a smaller chance of standing out and getting unwanted attention from anyone really. also sending small messages like 'hi' or 'bye' to people is another way to move on from only sending emotes.

i know social anxiety also entails a lot of observing, so if this is too much for you right now that's fine! look at what other people are doing and you will get a hang of the vibe eventually. then whenever you feel comfortable you could start chatting, if you want to obviously.

twitter

i wanted to include twitter in here too, because i think that sense of community mostly happens on twitter. another reason is because twitter is a lot scarier compared to a twitch chat, in my experience at least. so i thought it might be helpful to share how i got over that anxiety on twitter.

by being on twitter, you're being a lot more vulnerable i feel like. in comparison to a twitch chat where you are all in one chat, on twitter you're kind of on your own. they're your tweets, it's your profile.. it is a lot more personal is what im trying to say. the aksually mental illness community can be a great start to find people. i personally don't go much in there, but i've seen some people posting in there regularly. by interacting with those people you can start building your own 'network' online and finding friends! follow people, like tweets and maybe even comment under people's tweets if you feel like you're able to do that. i remember being so anxious about replying to people's tweets. sometimes i even had to put my phone down after replying because it gave me so much anxiety. at the same time i think that also helped me in a way. it is ok to send a tweet, close ur phone and act like nothing even happened. this can be hard, but closing twitter after something so anxiety inducing, i think, can help you not to overthink your actions.

after a while you'll start to realize that it might not be as scary as you thought it would be. also there is a lot of sweet and kind people online. i am forever thankful to the people, who i would now call friends, in this community who accepted me with open arms. sometimes it only takes one person to be kind to you, for you to realize it is all ok.

i hope this was helpful in some kind of way. social anxiety can be so isolating. it can make it really hard to navigate your way in life, whether that is online or offline. getting yourself out there online can be the first steps to overcoming or at least lessening that anxiety, and i wish that for everyone who's also struggling with it. <3

[feuilly-cakes]

Vampire Academy Series Review

This year, I decided to challenge myself to read all 6 Vampire Academy books in 6 weeks. I prepared by finding out the minimum pages I had to read every day to achieve this goal, then prepared myself to probably end up about a quarter of the way through the final book by the end of the 6 weeks, making a good effort that I was proud of. I did it in a month. I had plenty of thoughts while reading and posted reviews as I finished every book, so I'm going to compile them here. Be warned: although none of my reviews have straight up spoilers, each one can easily spoil the book that comes before, so just be careful of that.

Vampire Academy is a series that follows Rose Hathaway, and by connection Lissa Dragomir, as they navigate being thrust back into the politics of vampire high school and life beyond after running away in mysterious circumstances pre-series. Unlike a lot of teen vampire books of this time, this series has swearing, sex, period typical slut shaming, violence, self-harm, and murder. Most of it is handled well, but the slut shaming isn't really addressed as something bad.

Vampire Academy - 4*

I really wasn’t expecting to enjoy this book so much while not liking the main character basically at all. Rose is annoying for her unearned pride and generally mean actions, and Lissa barely has a personality at all, and yet it was fun to read this book. I’ve surprised myself honestly.

The Moroi vampires are glorified witches who have to drink blood, the Dhampirs are just stronger humans with a genetic flaw, and from what we’ve seen of the Strigoi they are very traditional vampires and I really want to see more of them because I feel there’s a mystery there.

Speaking of mystery, this was technically a reread but it’s been so long and I cared so little the first time that I barely remembered anything and what I did was from the film, and yet I still figured out who was doing all the animal cruelty pretty early on (already knowing the major player).

I was pleased to see that aside from general cattiness between characters there was basically nothing offensive despite attitudes when this book was written. It’s like a breath of fresh air compared to all the little remarks that pop up in other books from the same time.

Frostbite - 4*

If not for the setting being at a ski slope this might have been 5 stars. I really just don’t care for skiing.

I enjoyed the character growth in this book. Rose acknowledges her faults and tries to fix them, with little success but still she tries. Her relationship with her mother is very interesting to see and the way it changes as Rose grows as a person and gains new experiences is really quite nice to read.

The thing with Dimitri is still not icking me out like I thought it would. It’s a tiny bit uncomfortable but the reasons are discussed in the book and they do make an effort to move on.

Lissa remains largely personality-less though there are hints to her caring about Rose every so often. She’s very caught up in her boyfriend though and that’s most of her personality.

I was surprised at how this book does not shy away from the inherent horror and trauma of the situations these characters find themselves in. It’s very heavy and Rose most certainly has some sort of ptsd that is shown through flashbacks. Truly, this was darker than I expected it to be and the larger mystery and action had me quite hooked.

Shadow Kiss - 4*

I felt a lot of things while reading this book, and most of them were frustration and sympathy. A lot of things seem stacked against Rose in this one, from her instructors being biased to literal ghosts stalking her. It’s definitely a story for character growth more than anything, and a lot was spent on setting things up for the next book.

I’ve started to realise that Rose isn’t that bright. We as readers get exactly the same information she does and yet I figured out almost exactly what was happening to her as soon as it started, while she takes nearly the whole book. Some things I knew from the last book. I love the growth for her though. Finally she gets to be selfish for a change and put her wants first. There is however an aspect I didn’t like very much and that is that she gets a bit overpowered seemingly out of nowhere. Taking down the 2 Strigoi in the last book was a great achievement, but the way she could suddenly do so much more less than 2 months later? Not a very clear progression of abilities.

As to the Rose/Dimitri relationship, I definitely felt more icky reading it here. Until certain things happen it was lovely that they were getting to know each other better and trusting each other, but it crossed some boundaries and I was uncomfortable. I had the barest knowledge of Dimitri’s overall storyline in this series so other events didn’t hit me quite as hard as they might have but I did feel a lot of feelings.

On a surprising note, I’ve found myself rooting for Adrian. I like him better than Dimitri even, and really although Rose treats him not the greatest they could’ve been a more acceptable forbidden romance in other circumstances. He’s never been Rose’s teacher after all.

On a final note, another aspect of Lissa’s personality has been unlocked and that is selfishness. She’s spoiled. She takes Rose for granted and it takes being shouted at for her to be more understanding of everything Rose has gone through. So to recap, we have loves animals, is often sad (because of magic), has boyfriend, sometimes shows caring for Rose, and has a selfish side. That’s more than what we started with but I still can’t figure her out.

Blood Promise - 4*

I’m having a lot of emotions right now so bear with. That ending had me shrieking and swearing is all I’ll say about that.

Anyway, this book is very much leading into an expanding world I would say. We get a new category of people, find out more about Dhampir life outside the academies, and get a closer look at Strigoi behaviour. At the same time we are still getting looks back into the Academy through Lissa, which at times felt very much like the author wanted to write dual POV but didn’t want to fully commit, which I noticed in previous books but was definitely more obvious here. This gets slightly corrected later on in the book but I don’t see that lasting long.

Most of this book is about Rose and her personal journey, and with this we get to see flashbacks of her time with Dimitri. Those moments were very sweet and actually felt like Rose and Dimitri had been in love and not just lust. We also get to see Rose meeting and interacting with Dimitri’s family, which considering from the very beginning she’s looking for their town shouldn’t come as much surprise. I really enjoyed those moments, especially as Rose’s views on Dhampir communes changed and became more informed. These more peaceful moments makes it all the more jarring later on when Rose gets slammed back into the action as she always does.

For the sake of avoiding spoilers I can’t share my thoughts on certain sections of the book specifically, but I did find it a bit disappointing that the Strigoi are basically all they’ve been said to be. I was hoping for a bit of a commentary about how Strigoi can have feelings too and they aren’t automatically evil if they didn’t choose to kill but that did not happen. To be vague and if you know you know, I knew as it happened that a certain thing was a red herring and felt all the more vindicated when that was confirmed.

As to Lissa, her plot line seemed more obvious as to where it was gonna go. Basically she gets a new friend and is also acting weird and flying off the handle a lot. Hmm I wonder what could be the cause? I didn’t really enjoy her sections until the end of them where things got a bit more fun for me. Really feel bad for her though.

The ending was a lot but in a good way. I think I gave myself a bruise in my excitement at having guessed something directly before it was revealed. I loved the payoff of all the character development too, it was just a bit overshadowed by me screaming into my duvet. I just love a big reveal.

Spirit Bound - 3*

I was pretty bored for the first half of this book but it picked up about half way. So many things happened it felt like I was bopping about from plot line to plot line without much emotion for a while. There was relationship drama, political drama, a heist, and this whole thing with Dimitri turning into a comic book villain as a Strigoi.

Despite all these many dramas, the most messed up part of the book was Lissa being jealous of a literal 14 year old girl. Like stop, she’s not going to steal your boyfriend, she’s 14. On a similar note, why does Christian blame her for kissing that guy while compelled in the last book? She was being MIND CONTROLLED. It’s stupid and I’m mad about it.

I wasn’t mad about the thing that happens about halfway through though. I loved that. Perfect way to get both hurt and comfort in large doses. Another thing I kinda loved was Rose’s relationship with Abe. There’s a lot that could be done with that after the information the end of the last book gave us.

The heist bored me. It felt too easy and lacked real consequences.

I’m going to be purposefully as vague as possible for the next paragraph but be warned this is VAGUELY SPOILERY.

I feel that despite how far Rose has come concerning her growth as a person, she’s still unbelievably selfish. She is more concerned about her feelings for Dimitri than about the horrible things he’s gone through and his trauma from that. He needs major therapy and she’s like wah wah wah my poor broken heart. Like girl give him space and focus on your actual boyfriend please. She uses all the people around her with little to no thought about how they are being affected by her actions.

Last Sacrifice - 3*

I'm not really sure how I feel about this book as a conclusion to a series. It's not that I was completely unsatisfied with how it all ended, but I didn't really like some of the ways we got there.

The whole dual POV thing got super convenient there to let Rose suddenly be able to read past thoughts as though she has always been able to when that could've been achieved through just adding in a little tidbit of information since it comes up like once and then is never used again.

I found the whole concept of vampire communes interesting and there were some hilarious moments, but it seemed thrown in there as a way to get the characters from a to b. I kept waiting for it to come into play later and it never did.

The mystery aspect kept me on my toes. The 'who is the secret Dragomir?' mystery that is. I had no idea until they turned up at the door and I liked that because it made sense to not know. For the murder mystery I had an idea of who the killer was for a while that got proved completely wrong, and I'm not so sure even if I read this book through again I'd be able to figure out who it really was. I like to be able to put the pieces together so I wasn't really satisfied with how that turned out or how it really took a backseat to the rest of the story even while being the driving force for the rest of the plot to happen.

I can't complain about Dimitri, he's done nothing wrong, but Rose irritated me. She cheats on Adrian. This isn't a spoiler. She's been emotionally cheating on him this entire time they've been together. I'm mad at her for what she did in this book and I feel bad for Adrian. He honestly deserves so much better.

I kind of want a novella about Rose's parents because I like them a lot. Their relationships with Rose are actually nice to see.

Can I just say this is the Lissa redemption book. She's acting like a person and doing things for herself! She's experiencing more thoughts than just 'boyfriend' 'jealous over a child' and 'boohoo I'm supernaturally sad'. My feelings have actually flipped to where I was more interested in what Lissa was doing than Rose most of the time. Love that. It's what I've been waiting for.

I can't be mad about the ending but I wish something had remained the same as it was. It was such a defining thing for the entire series and I think it would have meant more if it had still been there. I'm being vague on purpose but if you've read the book you can easily guess what I mean.

Look, I know what I said about Lissa literally in every other book except this one, but I kind of want to see everything from her perspective instead now. Maybe there's a fanfiction...

Overall thoughts: I enjoyed this series. It started out very strong and really only started going downhill as it drew to a close, which makes sense because I definitely had feelings on how I wanted it to go and when that didn't happen it annoyed me. Me being a little irritated doesn't mean I think the series is bad, however, or even those last 2 books which I enjoyed less than the others. I actually think this is a great series! It's memorable, decently short (unlike some other vampire series' I know) and has a great example of character growth. It even stands up to the test of time, where it's not immediately obvious how long ago it was written because it's not hugely offensive or outdated in terms of technology or slang. In fact, beyond the slut shaming that happens I didn't notice anything really offensive at all. I'm going to watch the tv series soon and I may even check out the sequel series at some point when my tbr dips below 100.

[stanwixbuster]

Things That (Should) be Happening in 2023

You can also read and boost this on itch.

I've gone back and forth over making a post (or chain thereof) like this for some time, but always flaked out on some lazy excuse of "I like dropping things with no warning for the surprise factor," and "Being scared of accountability."

And, yeah, project jumpscare is fun for a while but I'm starting to feel left out of the cycle of teasing little bits of what you're working on for people to comment on. Before that felt pointless because I had no comments point blank, but now I've got a few eyes on my stuff it feels like a decent time as any to start. One game even got fanart. Wild.

I'm currently on the forth of this cycle, so I'm riding it and making a full deal of it. If it ends up I hate doing this I'll just stop and never acknowledge it again. 

Here's things that (should) be happening this year.

I'm Exhibiting at WASD Curios

Yeah I still don't believe this either, and ENGLAND ON FIRE got accepted into the WASD Live "weird" indie selection.

I'm going to be at WASD in person at the Curios booth from March 31st to April 1st. If you're going, feel free to drop by and say hi. I'll be handing out some pins if you do.

The PC Problem

As some of you may or may not be aware, I'm currently without my main PC. Most of my stuff was left with my parents when I moved down on a short let, and I am living in what feels like a closet right now and only have access to a chromebook that stutters trying to open discord. Lack of Windows aside, next to no computing power puts intensive game dev out of the question. It can barely survive bitsy once projects start getting chunky.

Fortunately, I'm completely unimpeded doing pure writing, which does work out nicely for me. The games I make spend well over 90% of their time in google docs, and only leave it to get shoved into an engine at the last minute. And for the last 10%, I'm lucky enough to work a job where I can fuck about for an hour on a stupidly powerful PC. 

The good: for the games you guys are used to seeing from me, I can make these mostly unimpeded, if not a little slower than usual. Once I get used to the new workflow, it should be business as usual. The bad: this locks me out of doing any complex projects, of which I had several I wanted to take a crack at. This is annoying, for now, but I have enough in mind to keep me occupied—

Until the PC Comes Back

I've got a series of Quinn & Flynn sequels in the works, and this will fill the gap until I get my PC back. Currently, it's looking like a series of 5 games including the first (and even as I'm writing this now, I'm looking at my notes and a tentative 6th). I'm also not making any guarantees that all of them will be released by the time my PC is back, but I will make a guarantee that the run will be finished, at some point, and probably later compiled in omnibus form.

The series is also headed into adult-only territory. There's going to be on-screen sex and no real way to dodge it that doesn't impact the narrative. My apologies if you were under 18 and wanted more Quinn content but also congratulations to the sickos who want more stories with cum.

The 2nd game is going to follow Elias' POV. What happens, you'll have to wait until it comes out.

Pun not intended. I just noticed this while proofreading.

The PC Returns

So, the PC is back, and now I can work on those bigger projects I keep mentioning. Right now, I've got two I've been rotating in my mind and getting increasingly mad I can't pull together.

The first, in full spirit of what inspired it, would be a not-quite remake, and a not-quite sequel, of one of the most popular games I've made so far. I had a whole stack of cut content I wanted to put in that I couldn't because of the jam time limit, and now I want to redo it from the ground up in a bitsy-like engine that's far more flexible. We might even see the old Spdrcstl Special and have multiple engines glued together. You'll have to wait and see what that inspires.

The second is going to be a Proper Game. As in, something with a play time well over a couple hours. It's a Narrat game and leaning hugely into the disco-like mechanics. I'm planning to have enough content to sell it for about 10 quid or so, with the obvious caveat that I don't give a shit if you steal it if you can't afford it.

You'll be a paranormal investigator, tasked to a rural town in Cheshire where, to no rational explanation, buildings have been disappearing. The big twist, however, hinges on how you approach the case. A sceptic in this town may get a completely different story to the superstitious. It's on you to see where belief takes you.

This is going to be extremely heavy, British, and Northern. CWs abound for this one.

Since we're on a wider timescale and I'm still unsure when my beloved returns to me, I have no guarantees I can make here. At the very least, I'd like the first game to be fully released, and the second to have a demo that runs to the end of day one. Keep your eyes peeled.

Other Bits

This bit's a dumping ground. These are projects that have been floating around my head or I have some notes for down already. I decided to throw these here in case one or two make you go "Hey, that sounds cool, line it up next."

These, in no particular order, are:

A wiki-style game a-la Excalibur. I'm planning one in the same universe and as compliment to No Saints Go to Heaven. The main problem is I've gone Motherfucker Unlimited on the worldbuilding of this setting, and beyond that being a task in itself is filtering it all through an in-universe lens. Happening, but a while out. And speaking of—

No Saints Go to Heaven, in a full demo form. I still want to tack bullet hell quasi-rhythm game battles onto it and see if people like it. The problem being this requires a musician and probably a dedicated programmer who knows what they're doing, so this one may be out of the question for a while, as dearly as I love it.

Something with the 12 Cannettes engine. It captivated me the instant I played it and I've been desperate to make a game. I've got something in mind already, but might wait for a jam to fully flesh it out.

Something with Decker. Need to play with this to see where the limits are but I promised myself I would try it after having to pass on Decker Jam. Pending experimentation.

A web engine. It will let you make point and click adventures in the same style as the Club Penguin PSA missions. I am deadly serious about this. Pending more web dev knowledge.

A Len'en fan game. This is literally just that sentence in turns of planning, but I'll make one as soon as an idea comes around. I am very normal about Len'en.

Something using King Gizzard's Polygondwanaland. It's CC0. Album of all time. Have to. Pending what I'm actually going to do with it.

Other Other Bits

Also known as "Stan has a back-and-forth debate over starting a kofi and/or patreon or not."

On one hand, it feels a bit iffy when I have a fulltime job. That money could be going to devs who fully need it rather than me, you know? On the other hand, people are free to spend their money how they want, and extra pizza money sounds decent.

If I do the patreon route I haven't got any ideas for it beyond it being a glorified tip jar that auto-renews. Maybe down the line when I'm working on a Proper Game that has enough meat for update posts it could be a bonus dev log. But if I were to start it up, like, tomorrow, it would be a glorified tip jar.

aight

I think that's about it, for now. I need to put a disclaimer that any and everything mentioned in this post is subject to jam inspiration, scoping, Shiny New Tool syndrome, random hyperfixations, explosions (figurative), explosions (literal), "I didn't feel like it"-itus, and other bullshit under the helpful label of Life.

With that said, Elias & Flynn is definitely happening.

Have a good one.

[spadefish]

thank u guys for saying nice things to me... sorry for being a downer the last couple days, i think my new meds might possibly be exacerbating my normal issues. either way i appreciate you for taking the time to say something nice and help dissuade my brain from going "everyone on earth thinks you're evil and wretched". ;_;

ehhh i started rambling so i'm putting a cut here

i'm really hoping that my brain will get used to the chemical change but it's possible that the next couple weeks are gonna be rough bc i have to steadily increase my dose over the course of fifteen days and THEN i can wait and hope that it plateaus out.

it's kind of scary bc i know when i get to That Place mentally my ability to ignore or *~Logic~* my way out of acknowledging that i have feelings dissipates entirely and instead my brain starts doing math to prove how awful i am etc. then that compiles onto circumstantial issues that are tangible and that i cannot fix and things get very bad.

i think the fact that it's been almost a year since i've been able to see my family / FL friends is impacting me really negatively, but every means of getting there is very expensive. :( I'm planning on driving down this december but trying to make sure i have enough money to do so has been very difficult and stressful. i feel rly awful bc i genuinely don't think i'm going to be able to get down there AND get christmas presents for people, i just don't have a way to make that much money.

i spend a lotttt of time isolating when things get bad but every now and then i really do need some kind of physical human comfort and there's only so much oxytocin i can trick my body into making by holding hot cups or petting cats.

i find that i generally don't find it productive to talk to people about problems that i can't fix or mediate in some way... commiserating doesn't feel productive to me and i feel like i'm wasting the time and energy of the person i'm talking to. i like to just figure out solutions to problems but if there isn't a solution then i just get frustrated and sad. posting stuff here is a little bit different at least because i'm not cornering someone into a conversation that they feel obligated to respond to. people are allowed to ignore or block my posts and even if you read them you're never obligated to say anything. i like not putting that pressure on people. even still sometimes i feel like i'm just talking for no reason so i write a post and delete it or go put it on my private vent blog.

anyway sorry to anyone who does read this, that was a lot more talking than i thought i'd do, haha. that's your spadefish von tumblr mental health lore for the year i guess

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary303

7/18-19/24

thursday-friday

wow...303...like the tb 303 bassline synth... crazy.

the fact i can make the day text in that stupid font is like endlessly entertaining to me. i might keep doing that but like having one day like that is really funny too.

anyway, i didn't do very much today w/ music. feels stupid, like it makes me feel stupid and bad and like guhh like i guess i feel like i have to be writing riffs like have have have to. but maybe i should rest a bit on that. think about what i want from grind and pv riffs... what i wanna play. what's something that feels and sounds good? it's hard to figure that out when my gf is home all day. also hard to figure out when guitar rig crashes ableton sometimes. and then not other times. !!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, today was not a bad day or anything, i called my work about my check, and they said last time, they mailed it to my address which is my parent's place, so like i called them, they were all we didn't get it, i was like okay, i need to call my job again to get them to mail it again. i called them, they said oh we have it here. i was like why!! they were like well we got paid and that's where tha checks go. and then my ex boss said if i want it mailed it's just going to take longer and like why did you tell me it was being mailed to me????!!! so whatever. i walked over because it was a little rainy and weird today, the cloudcover was really not the best but i brought my umbrella cuz it was raining sometimes / sometimes not, so it helped me not feel like death, obv i was sweating the whole way there cuz it's crazy hot out here in vegas + humid cuz of the rain but the humidity is kind of nice, i don't mind sweating a lot it feels kind of good for you and humidity keeps your skin moist in a way so i like that also. it's not like your insides are being evaporated out of you by the sun. instead the world is a pool you're always trying to get out of but failing.

i got my check, as usual the people there were oh so confused by me dressed how i normally dress and a little put off or something like there's some kinda crisis and they don't know who i am or how i know my boss' name. what ever!! i never have to see them again. it's not even everyone, i have no hate for all the people there just the fucking management. why would they jerk me around like that??? it feels intentional, such scummy shit.

also, i didn't take pics but i think my outfit today was cute and i think i looked kyute too. i am happy about feeling good about myself.

anyway, i listened to this record today, this is a song off it i'm a little obsessed with, cuz the riffs are so simple but they've got that slide shit i always hear and get envious of cuz it's harder to get right on the stuff i do:

it's good to listen to this stuff though. i wonder if they have any tabs out there.

good they have a tab for this song:

happy to have access to that. it's funny how this song's main riff, to me it sounds more complex but it really is just these 4 chords, one's low but then it's this chromatic move kinda, the kind i'm a fan of where you start in the middle, down a half step, then up a whole step up from that half step, so it's like a half step from where you begin there but it's a little abstracted feeling. i also like how most of the song is just all this disso chord thing into a dead note bit.

their 2 records i've heard are really good.

also, while walking, i got to listen to something i haven't listened to in a while, this record:

as well as a couple others, the compilation of the encyclopedia of american traitors, glad i was reminded of them, i ought to listen to that comp more, lots of interesting riffs and the vocalist really loses his shit when he screams, you can tell he's not really feeling good doing that, he shreds his chords it seems, hopefully he did no permanent damage. anyway the closing track on this ep:

i really like the bit he does about how issues of race, gender, environment, do not distract from class struggle, but are in fact part of class struggle, it really moves me to be honest... how are people regressing from that point!!! this band from years ago got it, these are factors which are part of people's struggle for material security, and part of their exploitation and how they're exploited... idk. it's so strange how a lot of the political stuff in screamo/emoviolence really does feel watered down. you had so many bands talking about hating shitty men, talking about issues of gender, men making some kinda effort, and i know a lot of it was also really annoying breakup stuff, but that's what it seems to mostly be now... or maybe not actually. i do know some of these new bands, especially the grindy ones, do take after the other grindy earlier bands, orchid being so political i suppose helps keep that in their minds.

now i am listening to arab on radar... i got someone to listen to them... that's so crazy to me. he was listening to solo john lennon. now he's listening to arab on radar.

this song really is a masterpiece. i mean this double comp is some of the best music evarr, their whole discog is basically perfect.

anyway... i'm getting sleepy. for some reason i did waste a good chunk of the day looking at that rnc stream to see what anyone would say. basically it's the usual racism/everything else, trump did decide he had to talk about "men playing women's sports", which is crazy to me. i mean not really but it's baffling people care so much, they think they see it everywhere. i do wonder, somewhat often these days, if people are gonna get more bold about hating anyone who is not cis.

obviously though, the big deal is racism, these are the things the reactionaries seem to be focusing on, tales of murdered women and foreigners. hideous ways to frame this information. anyway it's best to not dwell, another take away is how hollow and pathetic that whole thing was, how sad it is, also these photos are insane to me:

there's more but this one's like got everything going on. her face, her earring is crazy, why is it like a safety pin, why is she kind of trying to be punk rock. is that what punk rock is. i mean obv not. but it's really funny.

anyway like i sad: sleepayy so i should just go now, before i go to bed at 3 am again. we're going to my gf's friend's birthday @ korean bbq tomorrow. i am excited for that, though i do not want to overeat. though it's not like i really ever do, it seems like. the worst i ever feel is bloated from salty food. not like... heavy with too much food. just kind of gross at times. i am looking forward to that, though last time her friends saw me i was wearing a one piece swimsuit and i guess they're all like, now unsure of what pronouns to use, or one is, i don't really ever like saying what anyone should call me, if he asks idk what i'll say. though i guess at this point i sometimes feel like saying "everything's okay" is maybe, it's like only half true, like it basically is, but idk, there's times where people use he with me and it doesn't feel good. sort of like they say it in a panic, to make sure i really am or something. and then because i'm... well floaty's not the right word because i am entirely feminine, in how i present myself, even if i am androgynous generally i do think it's heavily feminine, so it's not like loose in that way, it's just like, i'm whatever, but whatever in a funny way. i am just my self!! i don't want to ever be made to feel like i am anything in particular..

with that ,, , ,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!