#so i dont TOTALLY hate myself

[dogfags]

honestly the only thing keeping me afloat is obsessively budgeting and planning for the future and it's the only thing bringing me peace. I am so extremely focused and I never have had an issue with procrastinating and I wake up early and am at my job or school early. like I loveeee to fill my planner with what I need to do and categorize all of those things. I love lists and organizers and being places early and getting shit done that needs to be done. I love being productive !! I am an extremely hard worker!! and I'm fast at it too. these r the things I actually do like about myself and think I am good at. it is my type A personality and need for structure and discipline

[amphibianaday]

Taking a break from amphibianaday soon and may or may not return

Day 1821 is coming up soon, marking half a decade of amphibians! After day 1821 I will be taking break to re-evaluate if I'm still drawing because I want to or because it's become a habit. Between fulltime work and hrt turning me into some kind of extrovert I have a lot less free time now. I guess I'm figuring out how I want to spend it?

I don't want to promise any kind of return but I also can't quite commit to deciding to stop for real yet. So. I'm waiting until day 1821 so I can end on a good milestone if I don't decide to keep drawing! :D

a bunch of personal soppy thoughts about it below if you're curious!

It's been part of my life for so long, it's hard to imagine not drawing every day now. But my life is in such a different place now than it was when I started, in so many different ways. When I started I was living with my parents, working a part time job I hated, hoping to study to become a game animator. I had only barely figured out my gender situation after years of questioning and denial. Since starting this blog I have:

come out as trans

got accepted at my dream school

changed my legal name

moved out

realized I didn't want to be an animator actaully

fell in love with rigging and programming

graduated and started working as a professional technical animator

started HRT

got top suregery

Kind of wild to think about how drawing amphibians has been with me quietly in the background through all this. I'm sort of moving away from bein An Artist™ (at least professionally), but drawing all these amphibians so far has been awesome and improved my art so much. I've made lots of art I'm really proud of!

Alos gotta take this time to say a Huge thank you to anyone who has ever said something nice in an ask, dm, reply, tag, etc. I read and treasure every kind message and it's always made my day to hear my art has brightened someone else's, or been an inspiration :)

See you in 2025!

[the-random-phan]

Sides of a Coin

[3-aem]

im bored of animal crossing will be drawing gj again will be mental illness-ing once more.

[quaranmine]

i just went to bed, then 15 minutes later got out of bed and turned the lights on, grabbed a pencil and sticky note, and began frantically calculating my total possible annual leave between now and December 2025. Again.

just in case anyone is wondering just how meticulous and obsessive i am over future travel and time off

[koifoxes]

me disliking han sooyung because im pulling a kim dokja with kim namwoon with her writes the story for itself lol

[silverselfshippingchaos]

man... this crush is.. certainly something!

[linkedin-corp]

everyone im rlly close too that doesnt dabble in ttyd does not rlly follow this acc so im rambling here

for some reason i feel like maybe there was a time when vivian had a different name that was given to her, one she didint like . or i think that could be a thing

and the thought of her constant uphill battle of confusion and then wanting to try something different. asking for this change and it being a huge problem. that internalized self hate stuff blossoming

and when she finally gets past that goalpost of wanting the name "vivian" granted, she feels relief and feels like maybe shes doing something right. but of course theres the whole. 1 step forward 2 steps back thing thats happening. so while she mightve gone forward theres always pushback from beldam and her own self doubt

and the past just manifests in her guilt about if shes right. even though its so clear and through , and the end of the tunnel is so close, theres doubt that lingers, even if she cant remember it to the fullest extent of what it used to be

(and yes im going insane bcus of this song. im going crazy.its literally her)

this can also apply to the chimera au .. people who dont care about that stop reading here im getting autism about it

the whole. becoming something you arent to do the bidding of another , but this time its worse and youve lost yourself.sure she had control of herself before but the only thing keeping her loyal to her sisters was the guilt and familial aspect. all it took was mario being kind to her and understanding to break free from that

but as a chimera shes entirely out of control, being a puppet for something far worse than beldam could ever be. she isnt vivian anymore, but meerly a shadow puppet for the queen. now, she has no choice

sure, maybe she retains some personality .. but now she belongs to the enemy. becoming something she isnt against her will after discovering something about herself so crucial just makes me fall to my knees honestly. the irony of it all

[fairyhaos]

https://twitter.com/vobowooo/status/1726417509845238215

you can get the details here

tw // pedophilia

they are hating on woozi and soobin for watching an anime called "made in abyss" which allegedly has provocative loli outfits and had pedophilia somehow, woozi was asked to recommend certain animes and he recommended that, jjk, komi can't communicate and more. the thing is— many animes have very dark content and they said that they won't recommend it because the anime itself is very provocative but... as the anime has pedophilic content, ppl are hating on them :(

Korea's censorship is very effective and the anime itself was censored highly and was broadcast on national television, so it's highly likely that certain pedophilic things were cut out from the anime as the idols watched it. although, in no way I'm condoning their actions, but I do feel as if the idols were kind of misunderstood. because if korea has a history of banning songs because it showed drunk driving, I'm pretty sure they would have censored pedophilic themes.

ah... i see.

i'm not going to defend him or condemn him for what he said, but i can tell you that as a korean person who speaks and understands korean, all he says is that he's watched it. the clip doesn't really give much info, but in it, he lists animes that he's begun to watch and from what i've heard, he goes into detail about komi and spyxfamily and doesn't mention the others.

from what i can tell, he doesn't specifically recommend mia, which i think is the main part of this issue right now.

i don't know anything ab the actual content of the anime. i looked around, and apparently it's only just g*re in the first season and, esp since he didn't finish, i don't think he knew about any other problematic things w it.

and seriously. censorship of inappropriate themes is genuinely really rather rigorous in south korea especially with what's broadcast on the tv, which is where i presume he was watching his animes from, esp if he couldn't finish most of them bc of tour.

is it a bit uncomfortable though? perhaps. but all i can say is that if it makes you uncomfortable to know an idol watches things that include things like body horror then maybe just distance yourselves from them.

[ghostcrows]

me praying to get any kind of IT job and now just being so embarrassed that it happened because I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING? like you'd seriously think i would but i dont know a goddamn thing. a coworker watched me struggle to turn back on a monitor that went into sleep mode today. i couldnt find the fucking button on it. like i want to kill myself over that and i wish i was being funny but im being hilarious. they watch me fumble putting in my password on these 2000 goddamn websites i have to have accounts for for some reason AND they put me on the phone to squeak mousily at angry people who are calling for higher stakes problems than the library (but that part wasnt that bad bc most of them i got to just transfer the call)....i just want to SCREAM. i just want to scream because of the enormity of my incompetence. but its not even that serious. but it is. it is

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[skyburger]

i think its pretty awesome that you can go online and look at cool plants & animals whenever you want for free

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

[transgender-bruce-wayne]

Any trans!Bruce headcanons but with the Batfam??

always

i feel like he would honestly just forget to tell the batfam. he's too caught up in training them up so they don't end up dying when fighting and in the justice league and the countless mysterious, etc etc

but then he might say or do something offhand, like automatically know what kind of pads to get steph or cass or mention something about testosterone—a bunch of little things that will add up over time until most of the family has figured it out for themselves.

i think the only person who bruce would tell would be jason. i think i just feel that way because jason's the golden child LMAO maybe bruce cant administer his t-shot one time and alfred is taking a much needed vacation and jason does it for him or something.

it's not until years after damian has taken the mantel of robin that he realizes, "oh shit i totally forgot to tell them about that" but by then he can tell that everyone already knows, so theres really no point to it. he does apologize to dick especially for omitting that bit about himself even after dick being around for the longest (except for alfred who, of course, already knew) (not a straight out apology tho, he's still batman of course. he apologizes in his own kinda stiff and awkward way).

he also realizes that the justice league doesnt know but he decides that thats not his problem

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

[crabs-nonsense]

Accidentally gave myself exposure therapy! Results? Police report.