#this is it for now. hasta the vista mother fucker

[skyburger]

i think its pretty awesome that you can go online and look at cool plants & animals whenever you want for free

[evita-shelby]

Video Call

Another modern mp!tommy x eva one shot.

Sequel to the Eva goes viral one

Thank you @cillmequick for asking for a second part

Gif by @breakfastonuranus

“How bad is it?” He asks already wishing he had stayed home.

But his wife had said he wouldn’t want to miss today.

“They literally just headlined it MP's wife reacts to the Great British Bake Off, really they reduced me to just your wife.” Eva complained about it through a video call. “Your fanbase loves it, conservatives hate it and people are calling me a bad mother for swearing while holding a baby.”

“Its not like a month old baby understands, love. You’re not a bad mother, Evie.” Tommy knows that is what hurt her most, having people question if she was worthy of being a mother.

“Tell that to the people on the internet, and those racist fuckers with their newspapers.” She ran her hand through her hair and scoffed.

“The Sun didn’t even know alv doesn’t mean hasta la vista, fuck their opinions. They don’t know us.” Tommy would have hoped to spend this call talking about anything else, looking at baby Gabe or on the off chance he was asleep, fuck through video call.

“Stop being horny, trust me you need to behave today. You’re about to witness the Tory party eat itself like an Ouroboros today.” She scolds him with a laugh and forgets her feelings of inadequacy for a while.

“Can’t believe they didn’t see it was a trap, fuck, even Finn would’ve seen it coming.” The fracking vote had been too obvious and yet the Tory whips had kept on going. “Did you curse her? When you met her, did you curse her?”

Eva swears she can’t curse, but he knows damn well that bad luck follows those she hates.

“I don’t think so, but she doesn’t look like someone who needs help from a higher power on fucking shit up.” Eva answered and then added. “I think the only person who beats her at being in power for so little time was Pedro Lascurain.”

“How long was he president?” he asks thinking perhaps he should borrow that for a tweet. He hates social media, but sometimes Tommy can’t help himself.

“Forty-five minutes, why?” Eva liked history, knew a lot of it and could moonlight as a professor if she hadn’t found her calling in being his business partner, social media manager and wife.

“Idea for a tweet, proofread it for me, will you?” he types it out and sent it to his witch of a wife. Tommy had learned the hard way that no one forgets a typo.

“You misspelled Pedro, you wrote Perro Lascurain.” The witch chuckled and sent him back just as quick as he wrote it. “There.”

“Want to make a bet, wife?” he knows he won’t win, but Tommy can’t remember the last time he didn’t enjoy losing to Eva on a friendly wager.

“Now you’re talking, baby.” The witch smirked.

In 2017 British newspaper, The Sun mistranslated alv (a la verga) as hasta la vista when reporting about the 2017 September earthquake in Mexico City.

A la verga means to the cock/penis, it is our verison of holy fucking shit

[fatechica]

I can imagine The Party randomly throwing movie quotes into their conversations all the time throughout their teen years and beyond. Like, Mike would definitely use the “as you wish” line after The Princess Bride comes out, which is sweet, but unfortunately Dustin sees the movie too and starts saying “inconceivable!” all. the. damn. time. and they low key want to strangle him. But yeah ... movie quotes. What do you think?

LMAO, yes, I can totally see this. ESPECIALLY the whole Princess Bride thing.

Like, yes, Mike absolutely uses “as you wish” with El (because of course he would, the sweet lovable nerd that he is). And Dustin would so drive everyone crazy with “inconceivable!”

But they would quote so many movies! Like when T2 comes out when they’re about 20? Lucas and Dustin absolutely quote “hasta la vista, baby”. Or the boys quoting Top Gun: “She’s lost that loving feeling.” - “I hate it when she does that.”; “That’s a negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.” Or quoting Die Hard: “Now I have a machine gun, ho ho ho.” or “yippee ki yay mother fucker”.

I mean, really, the possibilities are endless. And they would just quote so many movies, because they’re the biggest nerds ever and we love that for them.

[sayitwithsarcophilus]

Women of Marvel as @dril tweets

Peggy Carter: “The Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender” i argue as i overturn my uncle’s barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

Lady Sif: U cant wear a sword. A sword is not clothes. Yes, A SHeathe, is clothes. The sword goes in the sheath, but that doesnt make it clothes bitch

Kamala Khan: what happens when kirby swallows the qu’ran and is granted its considerable power. my 81 chapter fanfic explores this issue – and more

Emma Frost: ive eaten more $14 hamburgers than youve eaten regular hambufrgers, you low engagement galoot

Dottie Underwood: i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everoyne here is so rude, and pieces of shit

Hope Summers: Numerous hospitals no longer make a Baby New Year public due to concerns that the infant will become a target for criminals.[13]

Susan Scarbo: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes… Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

Rosalind Price: This woman is an FBI agent sent to jingle her keys through the library to intimidate me about jail.

Jiaying: Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge – Except Rap And Country

Madelyne Pryor: i rise; spreading my arms, exuding fluorescent spheres of energy, each representing an Unfollower, Cuasing me a great deal of pain,Screaming

Elektra Natchios: if your grave doesnt say “rest in peace” on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war

Raven Darkholme: @ninwoman BRIDE OF DECEIT

Tilda Johnson: i would not discount pua techniqes just b/c girls are wise to them now. for instance,w. a few modifications i can use them to rear pit bulls

Natasha Romanova: (playing russian roullette and its my turn)

hasta the vista mother fucker

(shoots the other guy

Jean Grey: Leut me make this clear: gloves are Next-Gen mittens , mittens are trash, i will never wear a mitten, i will take down anyone whos mad at me

Shanna the She-Devil: tarzan is garbage. he sucks more than anything. people need to stop encouraging his shit by making films of him. go home tarzan. fuck tarzan

Betty Ross: i just thoughgt about those commercials with the stupid fucking mouth in the dishwasher that begs for jet dry & ripped a door off its hinges

[sinbinsidney]

NurseyWeek Prompt #3 - Challenge.

“Oh, it is fucking on, bros,” Lardo shouts over the incessant thumping of the bass. “You two are going to get obliterated.” She points an emphatic finger at Ransom and Holster, who stand shoulder to shoulder on the other side of the beer pong table. Holster cups his hand over his chin, rubbing it thoughtfully, and side-eyes Ransom.

“She shouldn’t be able to say words like ‘obliterated’ three cups of tub juice in,” he says. Ransom is just beginning to nod in agreement when he’s beaned smack in the middle of his forehead with a ping pong ball. Holster gets hit in the same spot half a second later, sending both of them reeling back, spluttering.

“You know, I figured four years was enough time for the two of you to learn not to underestimate my abilities,” Lardo says, tossing another ping pong ball up in the air. She cocks an eyebrow and catches the ball, meeting their gazes. “My mistake. Clearly, you need another lesson.”

She turns and scans the crowd briefly, letting Holster and Ransom set up beer pong on the table behind her.

“Nurse!” She calls, beckoning. “Get your ass over here, we’re playing beer pong.” Nursey grins as he sees their opponents.

“Oh, hells yes,” he says. The kegster hasn’t been going on for too long, so he’s not too schwasted. Lardo looks him over solemnly and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Young padawan, you have learned well. It is time for you to come into your own,” she says seriously. Nursey bows his head, fighting to keep the smile off his face.

“I won’t let you down, master. I promise.” Lardo nods and pats him twice on the bicep. She and Shitty had invested hours into teaching Nursey how to properly play last year, explaining the different techniques and strategies they’d tried throughout the years. Now, her little baby bird was ready to get kicked the fuck out of the nest and play for real.

“Yo, we gonna play, or what?” Holster calls, smiling when he sees Nursey next to Lardo. “You ready to get your ass kicked, Nurse?” he chirps.

“Try me,” Nursey says back, flipping his snapback backwards on his head. Ransom laughs and does the same, white cloth standing out brightly among the flashing lights and moving figures behind him.

“Rock, paper, scissiors?” he asks, holding out a fist to Lardo. She nods, and the battle commences.

Ten minutes later, Ransom and Holster have a solitary soldier standing at the edge of their side of the table. Holster is kneeling on the floor, face level with the table surface, pleading with the cup to “stay strong, little buddy, we’re gonna make a comeback.” Ransom is chugging the last of the beer in Nursey’s last victim, hand on Holster’s shoulder.

Nursey shares a look with Lardo and can’t help but laugh at his captain’s antics. Lardo shakes her head and claps her hands together, gathering the attention of the crowd and their opponents even over the noise of the kegster. She picks up the ping pong ball with the gravity of an executioner.

The ball arcs perfectly over the table, shining brightly in the lights. Derek thinks someone is playing the Chariots of Fire theme song in the background, which, objectively, is hilarious but, really, all he can think is that it just feels right.

The ball lands smack in the middle of the cup, not even brushing the rim. The crowd goes nuts around them, seeing as the hockey captains have only managed to sink one cup, which Nursey happily drank. Lardo raises her arms up in an imitation of Christ the Redeemer, grinning as Holster and Ransom wail in the background. She turns to celebrate with Nursey, pouncing on him in a hug and clinging to his back.

“That’s my baby bird! Way to fly!” She cheers in his ear. “Fucking destroyed them!” Nursey laughs and yells back.

“All you, babe! All you!”

God, she loves her team.

Nursey is staring blankly up at the sun-filled windows of Faber after practice when he hears someone slow to a stop next to him. He turns to see who it is and finds Whiskey leaning on his stick. His face is in sharp profile as he follows Nursey’s gaze towards the light.

“Top shelf, from the top of the circle,” he says quietly, still not looking at Nursey.

“What?” Whiskey turns to meet his quizzical gaze.

“We’re gonna play P.U.C.K.” he says. “Or B.E.A.U.T.Y., whatever works.” Nursey tilts his head.

“I don’t think I’ve played P.U.C.K. since I was in mites,” he replies. Whiskey shrugs.

“Loser does puck clean-up after next practice,” he offers.

“You’re on,” Nursey says, narrowing his eyes.

He and Whiskey skate back to the bench, toss off their helmets, and knock a few pucks over to center ice, companionably quiet in a way that the two of them had eased into over the course of the year. As cliché as the whole rookie-mentor thing seems to be, it really does hold true on the Samwell Men’s Hockey Team. Just like Chowder became Bitty’s to take care of (not that he doesn’t take care of everybody, because, you know, it’s Bitty), like Dex matched up with Ransom and Nursey with Holster, the newest tadpoles found their way to an upperclassman to watch their backs and help them out.

Whiskey, for some reason, had gravitated to Nursey right off the bat. He’d sat down next to him during team lunch one day and took one of Nursey’s chicken fingers, leaving behind one of his biscuits n’ gravy things for him instead. Nursey had blinked down at his plate, looked at Whiskey, and shrugged, continuing to eat. It had evolved from there until they were comfortable bitching to each other – Nursey about his various run-ins with assholes on campus, Whiskey about the idiocy of the lacrosse team. They’ve gotten pretty good about picking up on each other’s moods, at this point. Whiskey, apparently, figures that Nursey needs a distraction, a bit of fun to drive away the buzzing of anxiety about testsreadingspaperspoemsfriendsfamilywork that’s hovering over Nursey’s head.

He’s right.

Nursey sucks in a breath before he releases a wicked slapper from the faceoff circle, slamming it home in a snap of twine.

“Nice,” Whiskey comments, lining up his own shot as Nursey skates backwards to get out of his way. His shot rings home, too, though with a little less power.

The shots get increasingly elaborate – “coast to coast, between the legs three times, wrister”, or “using your off hand, from the dot”, or “spin-o-rama backhander.” Nursey basks in the sounds of hockey in the quiet arena, leaning back and listening to his skates carve into the ice, the thud of his stick as he lets it drop, the echoing snap of a shot as it hits the boards.

“Damn,” Whiskey whistles as Nursey lets a beauty of a shot fly from the blue line, eyes closed. Nursey grins at him.

“You’re up,” he says. Whiskey takes a deep breath and lines up the shot before squeezing his eyes shut, nose wrinkling up slightly.

The puck flies just left of the post, slamming into the far boards and ricocheting back out into open ice. Whiskey groans the second he hears the puck hit, leaning back on his skates and pressing his stick flat against his thighs, tipping his head back to look forlornly at the ceiling. Nursey grips him by the shoulder and gives a little shake.

“P.U.C.K. Better luck next time, broski,” he says, laughing. Whiskey shoves him off good-naturedly and goes to collect the pucks they used. Nursey follows after and taps his legs with his stick. “Hey, Whiskey,” he starts, hesitating as Whiskey looks at him over his shoulder.

“Thanks, man. I needed this, today.”

Whiskey gives him a rare smile, the standoffish exterior he keeps up completely melted away.

“Anytime, Nurse.”

“Motherfucker, how dare you!? Fuck. You.”

“My god, Nurse, is this what it takes to push you over the edge?”

“Fuck you!”

“Wow, holy shit, Dex, what did you do?”

“I blue-shelled him.”

“Like a little bitch,” Nursey spits out vehemently. He can hear Ransom and Holster laughing as they wander away from the living room and into the kitchen, but he’s so focused on getting back into first place that he doesn’t dare look away from the screen.

“You know, if I had known that MarioKart was the thing to make you break, we would’ve played this a long time ago,” Dex says conversationally. Nursey can feel the muscles in his shoulder bunching when he twists the Wii remote sideways to avoid a stray banana. He leans into Dex for a second, shoving him just slightly out of the way and hitting a mushroom boost to bypass Princess Peach.

“Hasta la vista, Peachy.” He can see Dex out of the corner of his eye, mouthing “Peachy” to himself incredulously. He jumps as Nursey abruptly lets out an “Aha!” the second he sees Yoshi up in front of him.

“Nurse, let’s be reasonable about this,” he warns, making Yoshi perform evasive maneuvers up on the screen as Nursey fires off two green shells in his direction, keeping the third circling around him as protection.

“Bud, we passed reasonable five minutes ago. Nobody blue shells Toad and lives.” Dex cracks up, eyes crinkling as he leans forward, elbows on his knees. Nursey hits the jump and flips the Wii remote up, nearly smacking himself in the face, but he manages a trick before he lands, so he gets the boost bonus. It rockets him forward until he’s just behind Dex. Quietly, he starts humming the Jaws theme song, steadily increasing in volume as Dex concentrates next to him, biting at his lip.

“Nurse, fuck off! Get away!” He yells, laughing as he catches on to what Nursey is doing. “Oh, shit,” he continues as they both see the finish line appear in the distance.

“It’s on, fucker!” Nursey shouts, leaning forward so he’s pressed shoulder to shoulder with Dex again, like that’ll make his character move any faster. Slowly, bit by bit, Toad comes neck and neck with Yoshi, the smaller character moving just the slightest bit faster.

“Come on, come on,” Dex chants under his breath. Nursey’s face splits into a grin as the whirling sound effect of the finish line happens twice, practically overlapping – appearing on his half of the screen just a millisecond before it appears on Dex’s.

“Toaaaaaaad, mothafucka! Take that!” He crows, tossing his controller up in the air and throwing  himself to his feet, beginning to dance around the room. He’s almost immediately tackled as Dex launches himself at his midsection, wrapping both arms around Nursey’s chest as he wrestles him down.

Nursey begins laughing almost as hard as Dex is swearing at him, trying to block as many swats as he can, even as Dex flips them over so he’s sitting on Nursey.

“Aw, come on, Dex! No one likes a sore loser!” He chirps, grinning up at his defensive partner.

“Yeah, well, no one likes you,” Dex says. Nursey pouts exaggeratedly.

“Now, we all know that’s not true,” he says. “You looooove me.”

“God help me.”

“Admit it!”

“I hate you. You’re terrible.”

“Dex!” Nursey gives a toss of his hips, impatient.

Dex isn’t expecting it, though, letting out a little gasping noise at the sudden movement. He ends up kneeling over Nursey, straddling his legs, hands on either side of Nursey’s head as Nursey’s own automatically go to Dex’s narrow waist in an attempt to steady him. Dex’s eyes are wide with shock as he gets much closer to Nursey’s face than is strictly buddies, a red blush rushing up his cheeks.

“S-sorry,” he stammers out, blinking rapidly. Nursey is just as surprised as he is, but he hides it better, keeping an easygoing expression on his face.

“No problem. It’s my b, Poindexter.” He grins. “Though, if you wanted to get all up on this, you could’ve just asked.”

Dex goes firetruck red, mouth dropping open as he stammers through the start of a few sentences, all the while sitting back on Nursey and letting him prop himself up on his elbows. Dex looks down at his own chest and takes a breath.

“Is that – is that a challenge, Nursey?” Nursey smiles at this ridiculous idiot and reaches up to wrap a hand around his neck, pulling him down as he leans back against the floor again.

Their first kiss is a little rushed, a little nervous. Nursey keeps his hand on Dex’s neck, weaving his fingers into the short hair he can reach, letting the other curl over Dex’s lower ribs, feeling the warmth of him through his t-shirt. He controls the kiss as Dex flails a little, keeping it chaste until he feels Dex begin to settle into it.

Dex gets one hand onto the floor, balancing himself, and flattens the other just over Nursey’s heart, feeling the nervous, thumping beat of it as he leans into the kiss, leaving a little kitten lick on Nursey’s lower lip, asking permission. Nursey’s mouth drops open on a little gasp, heart going thump-thu-thump in his chest.

It feels like hours, but the kiss lasts maybe thirty seconds. Dex lifts his head slowly, eyes still closed, feeling Nursey press a palm to his cheek. When he opens his eyes, he sees Nursey smiling up at him, green eyes sparkling in the afternoon light.

“Yeah, Dex. It’s a challenge.”

[desertdevils]

next gen + dril tweets

Aurora Murdoch: ive hired 3 of my clumsiest dumb ass followers to spy on my wife and uncover her plots against me, just the worst bumbling fucking imbeciles

Angelica Murdoch: back in the dog house after the wife caught me photo shopping her into vintage car ads

Libby Clarence: me and SnakeMom1956 are in love and we are laughing at all of th e people who think that our flintstones themed wedding is a sham

Marcella Siska-Braddock: i feel truly blessed ,knowing that everyone who has spoken ill of my brand is eating bugs in a cold prison cell

Cassandra Braddock: youll never shut me the fuck up , no matter how many times you unfollow me, you will never shut me the fuck upon here!! get lost Cyber scum!

Isadora Teller: Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)

Desiree Preaker: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian .

Nathaniel Teller: (playing russian roullette and its my turn) hasta the vista mother fucker (shoots the other guy

Celeste Fairfax: Rather tiresome that people would rather Threadshit my mentions than say, enjoy a whimsical boating tour through the fair canals of Venice.

Phillip Hilliard: i shall say this only; ive ended peoples careers by reporting them for "Ironic" typos & spelling errors., i do not give a shit. im a warrior

Malachi Bird: Antonio Vivaldi six violin concertos, strings & continuo in A major " Burger King Theme " Op. 2 N°11 published in Venice by Bortoli - 1708

Valerie Bird: forced to remove my famous "DANGER: MAY CONTAIN LETHAL LEVELS OF SARCASM !!" sign from the front door of the poolside shed that i live in

Angel Bird: for every year that He is not featured in Forbes Magazine as the worlds richest man... GOD will sink one of our battle ships

Dove Bird: am I the most dark & twisted psycho god online?? hm lets see: - When the dow jones industrial average goes down i say simply the word "Good"

Star Bird: mods!! mods! one of those obscene low follower count boys stole a lick from the delicious lolly that Father bought me!! ah! how dreadful !

Marlena Brar: yea i torched the dennys. and i woudlve gotten away with it, if i werent the only guy in town with a custom jersey that says "My Wife" on it

Petra Idreis: (in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch

Lillian Locklear: pleased to announce i am pissed off due to Stress,. and the Block All Girls initiative is now officially underway

Septimus Locklear: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom

Samantha Locklear: pushing one of those home depot mobile staircases onto its side., getting that shit wedged between the aisles, because they dont sell Geodes

Estelle Ewart: "RESULT You are the Serpant. YOu dislike loud places and people are constantly putting drama in your life. But you're strong." This is true

Carter Ewart: i may be a dim-witted narcissist but at least i hafve really good opinions about life and other things

Vivian Blackwood: in the midst of jade helm 15 and high gas prices. a good boy looks to the stars and asks where have all the angels Gone ……………

Archer Dietrich: ive trademarked the term “The guy who fucks up” so if you see someone else using it pleaase stick my Fair Use brochures to their car

Emmett Barlow: my being a shit head can be traced back to boys school, when i was expelled for using the headmaster's computer to search ebay for " LUNCH “