#so i can look for other kinds of jobs
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well i have a phone interview on monday. its for a job im not like. that excited abt, but its related to my field and pays ok.
#its basically case management... which i can do its just not my favorite#id prefer working w/ a broader scope than just on the individual level#but its a start#and maybe then i'll be able to afford the $400 to get licensed#so i can look for other kinds of jobs#i also have another application sent somewhere else#so lets hope i hear smth back and get good news uwu
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like âI thought you weren't scared of anythingâ#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#âwho said i wasn't?â âi doâ âwhy?â#ânobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting awayâ#âyou'd be surprisedâ#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#âkeefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrenderedâ âpleaseâ ânoâ#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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Backstory theory for Sukuna? I wanted to say Kenjaku and Tengen too but let's just stick with Sukuna for the sake of your sanity
(Written as of JJK 262 using TCB scans and raws. Click images for captions/citations. I want to see how poorly or well this ages.)
I already kind of went into how I think Sukunaâs birth occured answering this ask, and we know for a fact he was born as an unwanted little wretch. But that's not really a full backstory. I was a conjoined twin truther before the reveal so I'm definitely deranged confident enough to propose something.
What is Sukuna's deal anyways?
When I say Sukuna and Gojo are twin flames, I'm referring to how their internal logic and their narrative framing are very similar. For this reason, I believe how they respond to trauma is also similar.
Much of early JJK is a different reread knowing Gojo's specific trauma. His use of the childish Boku as his personal pronoun, his obsession with sweets, having Infinity on all the time, his avoidant attachment style, and his fierce desire to ensure teens enjoy their youth...all these little trauma-induced quirks hidden in plain sight, sometimes as humor, are now depressing reminders of what Gojo went through. You also start to see how paranoid he is about another Toji incident with how he treats Miguel and Hanami...
Sukuna's backstory has probably been set up in the exact same way. It's likely that most of Sukuna's actions and attitude are influenced by some unrevealed/hinted at trauma. Since he and Gojo are twin flames, I'll try to piece it together using Gojo as the blueprint.
Sukuna's Way of Speaking
In the same way Gojo's manner of speaking is unusual for his age, Sukuna speaks really weird even compared to other incarnated sorcerers. If you're not aware, Japanese pronouns do not carry gender, but they do indicate how the speaker views themself and the person they're talking to. (This wiki summary table is quite helpful for this sort of thing.)
Sukuna's personal pronoun is äżș (Ore) which is very informal, rough, and masculine. And he uses ăć (Omae) as the you pronoun for others which is either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. (It's probably the later given how arrogant Sukuna is.) These are also the same pronouns Yuji uses for himself and others. But because of his personality, we can infer that Yuji uses Ore because he's a sporty boy from the countryside and Omae because he's friendly and views everyone as equals. Same pronouns, but completely different characterizations that get lost in translation.
Sukuna also uses èČŽæ§ (Kisama) as the you pronoun for Gojo. Historically, this was a formal way to show respect and then it evolved into an ironic hostile insult sort of thing, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old, uses Omae for Yuji, who he hates, we can reasonably assume him using Kisama for Gojo is the formal version. (This would be another very funny instance of Gojo thinking Sukuna hates him but heâs actually trying to be nice.)
All of Sukuna's pronoun usage combined with his personality suggests a very tough and rude individual, which he is. However that rough speaking style is exactly why his frequent use of flowery language, double entendre, clever wordplay, art references, and puns is bizarre.
The weird way in which Sukuna uses words is most known by how he speaks to Megumi during their fight at the detention center. (I'm paraphrasing all this person's translation work for this.)
Sukuna uses the phrase "misetemiro" which is commonly translated as "show me/show me what youâve got". The caveat here is that the "mi" of "misetemiro" can be written as èŠ or é
. When using èŠ, translating as "show me" is most accurate. When using é
? The better translation is "bewitch me/enchant me/charm me/fascinate me".
Sukuna, of course, uses é
, which means he's saying "enchant me" when he uses "misetemiro". It should be noted that this exact phrasing is used for Mahoraga before it cuts off Gojo's arm. (This is apparently what what Sukuna finds to be enchanting. Violence against Gojo Satoru.)
The thing is, Megumi heard Sukuna say "misetemiro", so he likely assumed the common meaning "show me". This is either a case unintentional misunderstanding or Sukuna making his true feelings dubious. That in of itself is the best example of the double-meaning wordplay Sukuna gets up to.
Sukuna seems to be really fond of puns in particular (very old man of him). He calls Yuji ć°ć§ (kozĆ) which can be translated as brat, but it also means young/novice monk.
He also uses extremely outdated words. (An example of which was provided by this user.)
You have all of these conflicting speaking mannerisms balled up into one character. It's as if a gangster/ruffian majored in Literature Arts. And thatâs precisely why I think he was of low status at birth.
Sukuna's Upbringing
We all know Gojo's Limitless Cursed Technique (CT) is a literal and metaphorical barrier between him and other people. His technique is his isolation. And how it developed informs us directly of how his interpersonal relationships changed with it.
Back when Gojo only had Blue and Infinity had to be manual, it meant that he had downtimes where he was vulnerable. That physical vulnerability doubled as emotional vulnerability and Gojo was able to form a close relationship with Geto and befriend Shoko. After he awakened, Infinity could be on nonstop. Gojo became untouchable to everyone at all times and it destroyed his relationships.
In the same way Gojo's CT compliments his changes from child to adult, I believe Sukuna's CT does the same.
As we all know by now, Sukuna's Shrine or ćŸĄćšć (mizushi) could be referring to a Buddhist shrine used for storage or a imperial palace kitchen. I think itâs both at the same time. To me Sukuna's CT indicates he initially cooked for the emperor and then became an object of worship at a shrine. But I have some additional caveats to this theory.
We know that Sukuna learns by mimicking others. It wouldnât be a stretch to say he picked up on formalities while being near nobility if he was of low birth. But how did a lowborn like Sukuna get near nobility in the first place?
So historical Japan had a social caste system called RitsuryĆ (you can read more about its application in the Heian Era here). The upper class was called RyĆmin (good citizens) and the lower class was called Senmin (low citizens). Amongst the lower class there are the following subcastes:
RyĆko (dedicated to the imperial family or guards of imperial tombs)
Kanko (dedicated to public ministries)
Kenin (servants of high-ranking families)
Kunuhi (slaves of the court)
Shinuhi (slaves of families)
I think Sukuna was a Kunuhi or court slave during his time as an imperial cook. That would give him access to the higher art forms directly or by listening in while also explaining why his speech appears to be a mesh of two completely different backgrounds. (If he were of noble birth, his personal pronoun would likely be Watashi, Waga, or even Ware-Ware like most snobby upper class characters in Japanese media.)
Another trait of the slave class is their forbiddance from having a registered family name. Both Sukuna and Uraume use full names as a show of respect. The fact they only use single names for each other suggests that they have no family names at all and fall under this low class category.
The other thing to note about this caste system is that class mobility in both directions was possible. To what extent I'm not sure (thereâs not a lot of in depth literature in English), but this would allow for Sukuna to rise from a lowborn status and fall back to it as the Disgraced One.
In summary:
Sukuna is born and branded an undesirable. (Some of his tattoos match up with markings for both criminals and outcasts. Particularly the single band around the wrist labeled Hinin, a term that translates to non-human used for the lowest social class.)
Sukuna is taken into slavery where his talents start to show. (Durable, 4 limbs, and quick learning make for great labor exploitation.)
Sukuna, as a slave, eventually finds himself working in the kitchen for the emperor where he meets Uraume, who is there under similar circumstances. (Heian nobles were fascinated by commoner life and sometimes took peasants into the palace for entertainment/exploitation. Please read this entire thread on Heian commoner life itâs very good.)
They rise through the ranks together because of hypercompetence.
Eventually Sukuna becomes so strong that he becomes an involuntary saint/warrior monk. (Heian nobles mobilized monks for rituals and maintaining power.)
The court nobles start a smear campaign out of fear of his power and lowly upbringing, which causes Sukuna to have his Joker moment and start eating people. (Based on the mythological Sukuna stories.)
Sukuna's Theoretical Coping Mechanisms
After Gojo endured the fallout from Toji and Geto, he developed coping mechanisms to deal with it. They're all quite unhealthy to be frankâGojo is very stuck in the past and seems to be in a near-constant state of trying to relive it, but better.
Those traits were all initially introduced as gags. It all made Gojo appear like a very strange, childish, and questionable adult. In retrospect it's all tragic. So with that in mind, I want to examine some of Sukuna's traits that could be a manifestation of past trauma.
It goes without saying that being a slave is traumatic. And the coping mechanisms developed to deal with that level of dehumanization don't go away if someone escapes it.
Sukuna's extreme aversion to being told what to do and self-centeredness reminds me of the ex-slave character, Izutsumi from Dungeon Meshi. She starts out as a slave paraded around as a circus freak after being experimented on before she's sold to a wealthy clan and forced to be a retainer. A curse is placed on her to keep her from escaping in the form of a tattoo around her neck. When she finally frees herself, she is very cat-like in her selfishness, poorly socialized, and abrasive. (Also she is canonically aroace!)
If you noticed, her personality sounds like a description of Sukuna's, so I'm left thinking he has some variation of that backstory (kind of like a combination of Toji and Geto's). It would fit with him being an unwanted child, explain his bizarre manner of speech, and give him a pretty good reason to be the way that he is.
In the same way Gojo used Hanami to relive his trauma but control the outcome, I think Sukuna uses Binding Vows relive and conquer his enslavement. The vows he constantly makes and breaks with himself are a show of control over thing that hurt him.
When binding vows are first introduced, it's by Sukuna and with chains. In the anime the chains constrict Sukuna until they destroy him.
This imagery is rather oppressive in nature. Similar to a prisoner's chains or a slave's chains. (And it's quite common for prisoners to be used for slave labor too.)
I've previously discussed how I view Kenjaku as someone who exists through nonconsent and causes others to relive their trauma. Gojo's sealing illustrates how this kind of manipulation works. And since Gojo's twin flame is Sukuna, I believe Kenjaku did something similar to him.
We've already established how much Sukuna hates taking orders from people and how much he wants to fight Gojo. Everything he has done for the past 6 months was for Gojo. And guess who stops him from obtaining what he desires? Kenjaku through a binding vow.
Sukuna also calls Yuji an æȘ» (ori) which can be translated as cage. The type of "cage" ori can refer to is either one for animals or for criminals. Kenjaku pretty much created Yuji to contain Sukuna in this manner.
So we have 2 forms of restriction encroach on Sukuna's boundaries in a way that would be reminiscent of slavery. If Sukuna and Uraume are former slaves, their treatment of Kenjaku and each other makes sense.
With Uraume, Sukuna is gentle and reassuring. He faces towards them when speaking and will initiate conversations, going out of his way to praise their work. This seems a bit out of character given how harshly Sukuna treats others, even those he respects.
Uraume is constantly apologizing to Sukuna in a way that suggests in the past they were punished severely for the slightest mess up. Given their relationship and how little Sukuna cares when they're not perfect, I don't think Sukuna was the one to make Uraume feel this way. If they're ex-slaves, this constant groveling would read as trauma response, and Sukuna's reassurance would be him showing consideration for someone who went through something similar.
With Kenjaku, Sukuna never makes eye contact, often has his back turned, and only responds when spoken to. Uraume is constantly pissed at Kenjaku's presence and tries to keep the two separate as much as possible.
Whatever binding vow Kenjaku has wrapped Sukuna in is clearly upsetting to the both of them. I imagine those were the tools used to subjugate people within the Jujutsu hierarchy. Wait I don't need speculate on that point, Yuta already did this for me when he was forced to execute Yuji via a binding vow with the higher ups.
And you know who else might have suffered the exact same way? Uro.
And boy is Uro strikingly similar to Sukuna, enough for Yuta to notice. She had no name, was groomed into being a weapon by nobles, discarded after being used, and is now someone who toys with sorcerers as she tries to become her own person while scorning bonds/love.
And if you recall, Sukuna obliterated the Fujiwara Subjugation Clan and Uro isn't really mad at him for that.
Not just Uro, but Ryu is similar to Sukuna as well in his hunger and seeing others as meals to satisfy him.
These parallels seem deliberate and may hint of how Sukuna was treated in the past and what his true motivations are. Uro seeing the incarnation as a chance at a second life as her own person is probably how Sukuna feels. But you know. Both of them are beholden to Kenjaku so that âfreedomâ came with a steep price.
What separates Uro and Ryu from Sukuna is that they acknowledge exactly why they're here. They reflect on their old lives and take action to address their problems. Sukuna seems to be in some kind of state of denial.
I have no doubt Sukuna is serious when his ideals don't go beyond himself. What's troubling is how unaware of why he feels this way. He won't even acknowledge his hunger for an equal which is obvious to everyone else. He also doesn't seem to know why he incarnated, dodging Kashimoâs question on it entirely. It reminds me of Gojo, who despite being blatantly motivated by Geto and Toji, never shows it except in fleeting instances. And those instances are either internal or deliberately vague to whoever is hearing it.
I think this is because acknowledging he experienced weakness at one point in his life is admitting that he can be put in a position like that again. That can be a scary thing to confront. Gojo doesn't deal with the fact he can be made vulnerable and does everything in his power to prevent it while pretending nothing is wrong. Sukuna is doing the same thing when speaks of the past as briefly as possible and crushes anyone who might have power over him.
Uro herself kind of puts that motivating trauma in the back of her mind until Yuta's Fujiwara heritage and ideas trigger her. Not wanting to recall your life as a nameless slave and having it incidentally brought up by the phrase "live for others" kind of sounds like the beef Sukuna has with Yuji.
And imagine if Uro was trapped in Yutaâs body, where this lucky individual, born free, decides to become a Cog of his own volition. She would probably never stop hating him. (I think Sukuna is mad Yuji chose the life he escaped.)
This would also fit well with his initial view of heriarchies. As long as he's the strongest, he doesn't have to worry about becoming a slave again.
And in a way, this is also him showing concern for Gojo. Youâre this strong and letting these fudgers push you around? Kill them.
I also think that's why this Yuji quote is going to age poorly.
I don't think Sukuna ever had the chance to live normally. This would also make this exchange really interesting.
Sukuna suggesting he has suffered more than Yuji fascinates me. Of all the things that could possibly be worse than what Yuji went through, I think existing as a slave and being subject to discrimination since childhood would make for a pretty compelling case.
Rejecting Love as Cope
Iâve been on about how Sukuna hates on love as a cope in other posts. I think the former slave angle gives a little more weight to this idea, his poor social skills, and general aversion to other people.
Love is a type of tethering to another person. Sometimes it results in marriage, a legal contract that binds you to another with a myriad of social expectations. If Sukuna is a former slave, his aversion to that sort of thing is only natural. Relationships of anykind are a bond that comes with restrictions.
I keep bringing up Yorozu because analyzing the ways in which she upsets Sukuna is useful for understanding him. Sukuna is most dead-eyed when marriage comes up and he sees losing as the same thing as death. The common problem here is Yorozuâs desire to control Sukunaâs life.
If you know anything about ex-slaves, itâs that they would rather die than go back to that.
Sukuna being the strongest means that no one can ever hold that kind of power over him again. And like Gojo, he believes human connections and love are a point of weakness that need to be discarded to obtain absolute strength. If Gojo is using that excuse to run away from others, Sukuna is using it too.
Despite rejecting all forms of love for the sake of self-preservation, Sukuna expresses cravings for it in very roundabout ways. Usually with how he mocks it.
Another puntastic bit of foreshadowing with Sukuna and Yujiâs binding vow, Enchain also doubles as a discussion about love.
Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.
In summary, itâs about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Kind of sounds like how Sukuna ruins Yujiâs life.)
Sukuna canonically reads literature about love and he will use that knowledge to torment people. Thatâs pretty interesting for someone who hates it. Thereâs also the underlying theme of exploitation and discardment in this poem that reflects how Jujutsu Society treats sorcerers. And in both cases, the strength to survive and love canât be had.
Sukuna calls Kashimo greedy for wanting both. But much much earlier Sukuna warns Yuji that there are consequences for being greedy.
I really wonder why he believes that.
Jujutsu Society and Labor Exploitation
The other interesting thing about Izutsumi is how aimless she is after learning the modifications to her body are irreversible despite obtaining freedom. She simply doesnât know what to do with this. And that makes sense. Grand ambitions take a backseat when all you know is surviving. Her development involves slowly learning how build relationships with others that arenât exploitative and coping with the permanent changes to her body. And it only comes about because the people she finds herself with are other social weirdos who give her the space and time to change.
Thatâs what seems to be the problem with Sukuna. He doesnât have a space within sorcerer or non-sorcerer society where heâll be accepted and wonât be exploited. But I donât need to tell you that, Nanami will.
Heâs miserable as a sorcerer or not. Might as well pick the one he is good at.
Later he recounts exactly what made him come back.
And if you noticed, his listlessness after escaping Jujutsu and âI always thought that having a 'purpose in life' had nothing to do with meâ is very similar to Sukunaâs boredom and âI'd never though about it. ...Ideals. Desires that go beyond oneselfâ.
Itâs weird that Nanami and Sukuna have similar realizations about their place in society while arriving at completely different ways to deal with it. I think thatâs intentional.
From an interview with Gege:
"If there was one thing worth mentioning, it's that no one has the ultimate truth. The âgood guysâ and the âbad guysâ. Some seek to kill the hero out of pure selfishness, but others are led to this decision by logical reasoning. If no one is really right, then no one is wrong either. Each character is guided by their own ethics."
I've interpreted this quote as the author telling me to consider the characters as having similar motivations, but completely different methodologies and logic driving their actions. With that in mind, I have concluded the following:
Every single character thatâs kind of insane has recognized the same problem. Japanese work culture sucks. It grinds you to dust, leaves you with no freetime, and even corrodes your identity under the guise of collectivism. âThe nail that sticks out gets hammered down.â is the go-to Japanese proverb to justify conformity to this suffering. Uro calls it out exactly.
Toji and Maki are beaten into place, used as scapegoats, and isolated by their families for being born wrong and staining the Zenin reputation by existing. Toji decided the solution was killing sorcerers and leaving Jujutsu society. Maki decided the solution was killing her family (she did nothing wrong) and building a better Jujutsu society with allies.
Geto, Nanami, and Gojo all broke from overwork that isolated them and never allowed them to grieve. Geto decided the solution was killing non-sorcerers and leaving Jujutsu society. Nanami decided the solution was leaving Jujutsu society and doing non-sorcerer work. Gojo decided the solution was reforming Jujutsu society and eventually killing the higher ups (based).
So despite all these different solutions, some of which are indefensible, I understand exactly why they became that way. Theyâre dealing with labor exploitations and dehumanization without the theoretical framework to be productive about it. (Gojo is the closest person to discovering what a union is.)
Geto snapped from a single traumatic event coupled with the knowledge that his labor would be exploited until he joined the mountain of sorcerersâ corpses. Though he was introduced as a mass murdering lunatic, there were always hints of how badly he wanted sorcerers to be free of exploitation. (Karl Marx couldâve saved him.)
Sukuna experiencing the most egregious form of labor exploitation, slavery would fit into these themes nicely I think. It's the ultimate form of dehumanizationâbecoming a literal commodity for people to sell, trade, and break. (And him deciding to be this wild about it would be understandable to me at least because I truly believe in the John Brown solution for slaveowners.)
Sukuna is fond of Megumi, Maki, Gojo, and Jogo. Megumi was sold by his father to a clan, the Zenins tried to make Maki subservient for being female, Gojo was bossed around and run ragged by the higher ups, and Jogo was puppetted around by Kenjaku. All of these characters are powerful individuals that for one reason or another were shafted by societal constraints that had them exploited by others weaker than them. Since Sukuna likes people similar to him, it's not a stretch to assume heâs recognizing their hurt as his own.
And just like Geto, instead of abolishing the hierarchy that subjugated him, Sukuna has chosen to sit atop it to escape. But unlike Geto, Sukuna doesn't dream of a world where he enforces it. (The guy clearly hates having responsibilities and doesn't want to be a ruler. He just wants to do what he wants whenever he wants. You know, having freedom.)
Sukuna existed within a society where it was acceptable to own people if you were strong enough. The fact he treats Uraume, a voluntary servant, so well and refuses to keep slaves speaks volumes. Sukuna may live for himself but he clearly has some form of ethics about it.
Wait, what about Megumiâs subjugation?
Well, sometimes people are hypocrites. Nanami, Mr. Wouldâve Loved Unions and outspoken labor critic, is content with pushing all the work onto Gojo, who has suffered in the exact same way he has.
Maybe itâs resentment for his Gojoâs birth making curses stronger and therefore harder to deal with. Maybe he sees Gojo as everything wrong with Jujutsu and is lashing out. The point is, I donât know why Nanami made the exception to his rules for Gojo and thatâs why Iâm clueless on where Megumi fits into this theory.
Iâm not sure if Sukuna intends to keep Megumi as a puppet forever. For the sake of his own entertainment, heâll probably release him after ingesting his final finger if Yuji canât separate them first. And in a very twisted way, his treatment of Megumi could also be seen as a cruel training regiment. Sukuna thinks suffering and isolation brings strength. Thatâs how heâs justifying whatever happened to him.
But on the other hand, maybe he wonât. Because now Megumi has the blueprint for surpassing him. Defeat means being a slave again and Sukuna canât have that.
#cactus yaps#Iâm so excited to see how off Iâll be.#Sukuna was definitely exploited in the past. Iâll stake a toenail on it.#It seems that exploitation scales with power so whatever the fudge happened to Sukuna is worse than everyone else combined.#If Iâm picking up on themes correctly then slavery will come up again.#Which not a lot of people picked up on Uro being a slave. The poor girl had no name and was used as a living weapon.#I think itâs because chattel slavery is more common in media.#When you get to the ââless violentââ kinds of slavery it can start looking like a sucky exploitative job.#And capitalism doesnât want workers to make that connection because then they might demand better.#My other favorite ex-slave character is Isaac from Netflix Castlevania.#There's something so cathartic about watching him destroy the society that enslaved him. My fave quote from him is:#''You know⊠One day the last one of you will ask me; âWhy did you work with Dracula himself to murder all the people?â#And you know what Iâll say? Itâs because youâre all so fucking rude.''#ryomen sukuna#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#asks
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on âšthin iceâš for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on âš yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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wait idk anything about the tevisââ why would tommy tevis call dick his son? would you be willing to give a quick rundown
After Dick failed to get himself incarcerated, he became an enforcer for a mob boss named Tommy Tevis. Tommy took Dick in and made him part of his family. Tommy considered him an honorary son and thought very highly of him.
Nightwing (Vol. 2) #107
He even told Dick that everything he had (his home, his reputation, his family, etc.) was Dick's as well. Lynette, Tommy's wife, told Dick that Tommy would let Dick do anything. The whole family loved Dick, including Tommy's 15 year old daughter, Sophia. Sophia actually had a crush on Dick, but Dick acted like an older brother to her, helping her with her homework and such.
While Dick was away from the family for a few days, the cops busted into the Tevis's home. Lynette got killed in the gunfire, Tommy got taken to jail, and Sophia got taken in by the state.
Dick, while mentoring Rose, broke Sophia out of the state home. He got Sophia to help him with the mob. Then, when Chemo fell on Bludhaven, Dick saved Sophia and left her with Amy. When they reunited at the hospital, Dick asked Sophia to leave the mob behind and join a boarding school.
So, yeah, that's Dick's relationship with the Tevis family.
#no but i love when tommy tells dick that bruce must be proud of him--and dick gets this shameful look on his face and stays quiet#and then tommy playfully pinches dick's cheek and tells him not to worry bc he thinks dick is great/he thinks highly of dick#i mean say what you want about tommy being in the mob and all--but he does seem to be tuned in to dick's emotions#and when the other mobster was kinda grilling dick about being bruce's heir--tommy was frowning real hard on dick's behalf#and he later checked in with dick and was like hey that was kind of shitty and i don't want you feeling like your back's against the wall#like idk it just shows that tommy does care about dick--and he knows bruce is a sore spot for dick#dick--on the other hand--is a bit more emotionally distant from the family#he's just gone through some very traumatizing events and now he's doing some morally questionable things#so there's no way he can be truly authentic with the family when his whole lifestyle is now inauthentic to who he really is#and we see that when dick goes on a job that has a kid involved--and he didn't know there would be a kid there#and he gets very upset about a gun being involved and having a kid watch her dad get beat#so even though he might care about the tevis family--i don't think he could ever feel Truly part of the family#honestly wish a writer would bring back sophia though. would be nice to see dick still in contact with her#Dick Grayson#Tommy Tevis#anon
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my job makes me want to kill myself but maybe spending all my money on theatre tickets is the way
#i am literally so damn tired#and also mad at everything idk#i'm tired of living alone & having basically no friends here#because most of my friends live so far from me we are seeing each other like once a year#my only friend who lives near me doesn't really get me most of the time#the only thing we can do together is to go for a walk once in a while or go see a movie#i literally cannot find a normal job with normal boss who's not a fucking asshole#all my coworkers look at me like i'm crazy when i say i don't go to the clubs because i'm not that kind of person#what the fuck is wrong with people really i am so damn tired maybe i should just come back home and live with my parents#for the rest of my life#and finally admit that i fucking failed#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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why is everyone pretending like cyberpunk edgerunners is good. the writing is so bad i hate it
#i'm rewatching it for the third time đ#i remember seeing a post i think from demilypyro abt how 2077 was a shitty game that everyone forgot how bad it was because of the anime#and the anime is terrible#all of the reviews online call the ending sad but it's literally just đ§ââïž okay so. big whoop.#which would've been great for like to explore the futility of doing jack shit in this world bc it can be taken from you like that#they did a good job of this in the first 6 episodes before the timeskip#but the timeskip ruins everything#and u have to balance how unsatisfying that kind of thing is w the reality of that's just how it is#but NO#it's SAD because EVERYONE DIED#we didn't get a chance to slow down with the characters and get an update post timeskip#and the timeskip negates everything interesting about lucy (my fave 4evr)#and it changes her from a strong independent character that's scary good at her job because she was a lab baby and trained since birth and#an archetype of character i like in cyberpunk (a character that looks sexy without sexualising themself or getting sexualized by others)#(and in context most people wear something similarly revealing regardless of gender or presentation and modesty is the outlier)#wait i take that back she does flirt with david in her introduction scene. but i think it was done tastefully to show that she's confident#in herself and her abilities. and not in like an i'm hot do what i want way. we see her in the same episode being genuine and vulnerable#on multiple occasions. and then it reveals she was just buying time for her group to ambush him#she's a really interesting and cool character guys i swear#but the timeskip takes that and turns her into a stay at home expecting mother damsel in distress wanting to settle down and start a family#and the domesticity is so disturbing bc its like. i guess she wants to leave the edgerunner life behind to live on the moon.#BUT THAT'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY DID HERE#she doesn't pass the bechdel test anymore suddenly. who is she#they mischaracterised my blorbo so bad#it's like their writing budget got slashed mid show.
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Not only have several of my former classmates gotten married, just found out that now one is having a kid?? đđ just reiterating: i cant believe some people my age are doing that dklsldls. Where do they find time to work/study AND develop intricate crown prince rudolf headcanons once they do that
#married people and parents still have hobbies yadda yadda. you dont need to tell me that kslsld its a joke#its interesting how strong an emotional reaction of Otherness i have to these types of news dkkdld. like its always 'good for them but i#dont think i could ever want this'#i mean im not opposed to gay marriage in my future depending on how life plays out but i would not want to do it to 'settle down' i think#dont necessarily want a big house a garden a golden retriever or a car đ#and def no kids#i guess its partly a reaction to kind of.... idk at a younger age more people are more 'restless' like me and then many change their minds#so its invalidating to be 'left alone' when you used to have allies who could relate to your life choices/wishes haha#i think being gay complicates this... i used to think it was a blessing for making it less of an expectation but actually turns out soooo#many girls on dating apps and online have or really want kids đ and i'm just like. good for you but this doesnt work for me#ugh anyway yeah. you guys better still be following me for rudolf posting when i'm 45 with a mortgage and an evil day job x#xD#you can take time off from your spouse and kids to log onto tumblr com and look at this shit đ„°đ„° for md âșïž#me*
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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something a little silly
(he's not actually angry at the "drugs" thing, just busy trying not to die)
oh i almost forgot
transcript of my bad handwriting:
Page 1 Panel 1: 2013, 1:38 pm (sfx: DING DING DING)
Panel 2: 9th period, 1:40 pm
Peter's internal thought bubble: "Oh shit my meds"
Panel 3:
Student 1: Hi, Mr. Parker!
Peter: mm-hm
Panel 4:
Student 1: Mr. Parker? Hello?
(Student 2: Huh?)
Panel 5:
Peter: Hm?
Student 1: What are those, tic tacs?
Student 2: No, he's doing drugs!!! (In class!)
Text pointing to Peter's hand holding his pills says "PTSD medication"
Peter: HKFGH (choking noise)
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Student 1: Are you okay?!
(Student 2: oh fuck)
Peter: COUGH COUGH
Panel 2:
(sfx: WHEEZE)
Peter: It's not DRUGS!
Panel 3, Peter cont.: Well, I mean, it is drugs, but it's prescriptionâit's medication. OK?
#came in through the window last night#peter parker#nadiart#fanadiart#rough art#comics#spiderman#always feel weird tagging the au stuff just cause it's so specific but... well i won't pretend i look at the peter parker tag lol#a post arguably still about a somewhat serious topic but with a more lighthearted mood#bright blue capsules = 5mg generic prazosin just fyi#he takes it starting in early 2013 to prevent flashbacks and nightmares (technically it's a blood pressure medication tho)#he takes it in morning. afternoon (at work). and bedtime. otherwise he can barely leave the house.#i was picturing this in fall after he's a little more functional but still kinda fucked#In Retrospect I'm not sure that him getting a job in 2013 makes sense though like it's a miracle he graduated from his master's program#on the other hand he strikes me as the kind of guy who works himself harder when stressed... but a few months is a very quick turnaround#maybe i should have him doing full time classes instead of pt and finish his degree over fall 2012 or smth... idk#i'll figure all that stuff out Later#anyway my approach to peter's shirts is generally anything that looks thrifted where he saw it in all its hideousness and said#''i love it''#also don't get it twisted the only reason peter even carries a water bottle is for his pills#accidentally pavlov'd himself into being hydrated but not into buying a reusable bottle lmao
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cupping your face gently between my hands. there are people in the world whose whole entire job is 'explaining terrifying bureaucratic processes that dont make sense' and you can ask them any questions you want. for real.
#truly my number 1 adulting life hack is. when you look at a set of instructions and go Ok my head is so not going to wrap around these.#you find the 'info' or 'intake' or 'advisor' email address on whatever stupid incomprehensible website you're on#and you email them and you say Help Me. and theyll help you.#having BEEN the bitch on the other end of these Help Me emails i can PROMISE you that they want to help!!!#so long as you are friendly polite & patient they will be perfectly pleased to answer even questions that seem silly!!#honestly. when you remember the kind of vitriol that people throw at customer assistance staff on the daily... like.#nobody is judging you for not understanding!! it doesnt make you dumb and even if it did they wouldnt care! the bar is low!#literally so long as you're nice they will at WORST send you back a moderately helpful form email#and at best theyll sit on the phone with you for 45 minutes walking you through the whole thing in excruciating detail.#until you could literally explain it yourself.#this is their JOB they get PAID to do it. YOU PAY THEM.#YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER. even if its the government you pay taxes. theyre there to help you!!!#ASK FOR HELP!!!!!#rhi talks
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Recent ones of these even though they all look the same lol.. forcing myself to document progress..
#I can average like 2500 words a day for a while and then something gets in the way and I don't write for a week or something#which then sort of erases my previous Doing Good At Keeping Up With It lol.. but... alas#Still moving slowly forward...#There's a 'community board' place in game where you can go to look at a few things and some of whats there is little 'odd jobs' the player#can do for a little extra coin (since you can buy items in the game/might need coin).#Thhough of course since it's just interactive fiction/visual novel it's not like... actual minigames or something. Just like..#mini stories of your character going places and doing stuff and having some interactions with the other places in the world#Like for example since modern refrigerators don't exist in this world one of the odd jobs you can do is help with doing ice deliveries#or there's one odd job where you assist a guy recharging the city's main bell tower/time keeping place by helping him go around and replace#the iriminel crystals (kind of like magical batteries - stones that are able to store energy that way and be used to fuel passive#enchantments). or one where you help food prep for the cooks at a nearby automat. etc. etc.#Just little short things to get a better glimpse of how the wider city is outside of just interacting with the main characters. plus earn#a tiny bit of coin. Though because they're so short there's not really branching paths or anything much for choices beyond#usually an optional dialogye menu where you can talk to the person you're working with and ask them personal#or work related questions if inclined to do so. It'd be cool if they were more in depth but.......erugh...#I have so much writing left to do already lol.. Also since it's really just to get money I could have just had them#all be like a single sentence of 'you go here and you do this all day then you come home. + 15 coins. yaay' and thats all#So maybe it's a middle ground to elaborate upon them at all. Just enough extra details to maybe be a little interesting#like ''ooh my character is in a little cart riding through the misty morning forest on their way to deliver ice'' . but also not so much#that it takes away time from like... the literal actual main game lol#ANYWAY. That's what all these are. There are like 10 optional little world exploring/job things you can do. and each I guess seem to be#about 2.500 words ish. That's including the optional chatting menus though. but still. reasonable for a little side thing I guess.#I got finished with one character's quests and stuff so I decided to take a break to work on some of the other little things like the Odd#Jobs and the 8 characters you can find around the world to have short conversations with that aren't actual main characters either. etc.#Then I shall return back to the Main Actual Things. ... augh...... still so much to do...#Which I could also just cut everything extra out but... idk.. since it's mostly all text I feel the need to give more options to flesh out#the actual setting somehow. Since in a 3D game you can walk around and explore the world and stuff. And of course there#are pictures. but it would take me infinitely longer to do detailed art of so much of the entire city youre in or etc. So i guess my versio#of still having some amount of ''exploration'' is just.. set up optional paths where more of the world can at least be Described.#You can't actually walk through a 3d orchard. or an elaborate bell tower. or an elven shrine. But you can Read About being in them LOL
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#lately i have been thinking about looking for another job#i have been working here for nearly 7 years now and i just. idk i feel like i need a new adventure#but then every time i am tempted i think. is it worth it? to give up all the perks i have right now just because i am bored? lmao#there are worse things to be#like i have it good tbh. i can decide where i work and for how long i work as long as i do the work#it's never the same because it all depends on what kind of clients i have#i like my coworkers. the pay is good.#idk idk.#and the job openings i am attracted to is pretty much the same kind of work i am doing now so like#is this a case of the grass is always greener on the other side#orrrrr what.#though i guess i could always try and apply#another thing that worries me is that my boss will find out i am applying to other jobs because the world i work in is very small lmfao#but okay. hmmmm. much to think about
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#and i dont even want to talk to anyone about this like i dont want ppl to ask me howâs the new job!! and i have to say âdisappointing!!!â#and get just. that :/ sympathy#i dont want the âthat sucks :/â treatment because i know this sucks and thereâs no other way to put it n frankly itâs getting embarrassing#how much things keep sucking#and no one can do anything about it#not even me apparently#and so itâs just gonna be the kind of âidk what do for you girl :/â and i dont want that. i dont want to look at that#m
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my favourite side episode that ive been planning for 5ever is the team gets invited to a fancy ball and aja gets a handmade gown for it and feels really Normal about all this
#theres more to it but thats the relevant part#basically this is a s2 episode so after shes died and come back and hutch is really insistent that aja has to put effort into making friends#outside of them. because they know she doesnt really have anyone else. and they really only made it through losing her because they had#people in their corner to help and be supportive. and she doesnt because she doesnt. like people or want anyone else#so they get these invites to this gala and hutch is like nah i dont wanna go. find someone to give my ticket to and have a good time#basically forcing her to go without her safety blanket yk#and she doesnt know who to ask and the whole episode is over the prep week for this while shes getting measured for the dress and#its getting made and fitted and whatever. and the costume girl whos been a side character the whole time but aj has never really paid much#attention to is SO excited to make this fancy dress and will hold aj in there for hours just to make sure its perfect#and at some point after a convo with hutch aj realizes she doesnt. listen when other people speak to her. and actually sits down to listen#to what seffie has to say and actually talk to her. and she talks about growing up watching princesses and celebrities on tv and being poor#and wanting more than anything to look like a princess on a red carpet like that and then does some like haha well at least i get to do my#job! and youll look beautiful! and aj is like. well actually. i have a ticket.#and thats the episode its mostly just about aja learning that other people DO understand her and she CAN relate to them#things she has convinced herself are impossible#and then it has the bonus of these two girls who never get to feel beautiful get to play dressup and go to a fancy party and enjoy each#others company. its kind of a filler episode but i love it#đ
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