#so i appreciate questions like these that make me reflect on the series and characters i love and how they map onto my preferences :D

[vraisetzen]

V, who's your favourite hashira?

Ooh, that's a great question, Anon! How does one choose! I think it's a testament to Gotouge's writing that I love all characters in KnY — though some more than others, haha.

When I first started watching this anime, I really fell for Rengoku (as with Tanjiro and the rest of the Kamaboko squad); I was just so inspired by his steadfast, positive attitude and his righteous spirit, and I cried a lot when he died.

But then, as I waited between the Mugen Train film and the adaptation of the Entertainment District, I went and read the entire series from start to finish, and by then pretty much decided Uzui was my favourite Hashira.

On his own, Uzui shares many characteristics with my other favourites from other series — he's very charismatic and charming with the ladies, but he also has a true heart of gold and beneath that easygoing exterior is someone who is committed to the right cause and protecting others (think: Gintoki from Gin Tama, Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen, Shunsui from BLEACH, and Schönkopf from LOGH). In fact, there is a specific scene from the Entertainment District arc that makes me swoon every time:

I can't think of any other Hashira who would be willing to do this — granted, Uzui had a very personal stake in this mission, with his wives and Zenitsu missing, but I think he was the only Hashira who understood, more than anyone else, the ways of the real world.

Uzui turned his back and fled from his family, at the age of 15, with his wives. Before that, he was forced to grow up in an entirely different setting — one where he learned that to survive was to be ruthless and rose above the others. It's a completely different backstory from, say, Sanemi and Giyuu who had their childhood innocence destroyed by demons. But it also gave Uzui an edge in perceiving the world differently from the rest of the members; sure, he wanted to rid the world of demons, but at the same time, he cherished and loved his wives more than anything else in the world. His family meant as much to him as his duty to the Corps.

(That scream he let out when he saw Gyutaro holding Hinatsuru hostage was one of the most chilling moments in the entire arc — a shoutout to Konishi Katsuyuki's fantastic voice acting!)

Even if it meant sending three junior slayers into Yoshiwara to investigate the whereabouts of his wives (something he would come to regret), and even if it meant an early retirement (much to the dismay of Obanai) so he could spend the rest of his days with his family.

In a world where many of these characters seem to live by extremes — to be a slayer and die protecting one's humanity than to succumb to being a demon — Uzui's perspective of the world sets him apart from the rest of the Hashira. He actually has something to lose, and by god would he fight to death protecting that. It is a perspective that I relate to, at least; saving the world and making it a better place is just an important a responsibility as it is cherishing your near and dear.

So, yeah — I think there are so many aspects to Uzui's character that I find immensely compelling. He's an extroverted person with a complex inner life that not many are privy to, and might even consider to think about because of his outlandish person. But as Shrek might put it, he has layers, and beneath that flashy exterior and flamboyant accessories is where one can see who he really is — very much like when he removed his makeup for the first time, and we see how handsome he really is.

xoxo, V ♥️

[muniimyg]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!jk (16) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ debrief ! + kimi's note

hi !

i've gotten a few asks in my inbox regarding part 16 that (i feel) lean towards negativity @ babydaddy!oc.

as much as i appreciate interactions,, it surprised me with how it (my work) was received. i understand that everyone has their own opinions, but some of the asks come off more as a vent/hateful pov,,

and listen,,, i get that this is a fanfic LOL

but the reason i'm making this a post is that, truthfully, i don't want to (individually) answer these asks. i've spent the past few days reflecting on the feedback i was given and the chapter itself... i've concluded that i’m all abt conversation (!!!) but don’t think these asks lead the ones i want to have on my blog. i also don't want to share them because i feel that these opinions undermine the experience of other readers who enjoyed and resonate with the chapter.

at the same time, i also don’t want them to go unaddressed because these are real ppl who spent time and sent thoughts in. one way or another, i believe my work resonated with u and the most i could ever really ask for as a writer is to write something that makes people feel.

so to those anons that sent in these asks, i want u to know i that i’ve let your thoughts sit with me and i think you made good points. in that same sense, i want to defend my work and explain a few things..

context:

full bbydaddy timeline (as of 16)

bbydaddy was originally meant to be a one time scenario

upon request, i extended the series multiple times

since the series extended,, in terms of plot,, i took as an opportunity to dig deeper into their dynamic (as a family, as lovers, and as individuals)

one: bbydaddy!jk and bbydaddy!oc's lore

first and foremost,,, there are no sides.

there are layers to their relationship. both characters go through and process differently. oc's experiences should not be invalidated just because her emotions are voiced 'wrong.' the career and the depth of it can and should be looked from different point of views. though i didn't write it in, i personally pictured oc to be the eldest daughter in her household. the constant need to be the best is a natural feeling for her and isn't necessarily seen as a flaw through jk's eyes. if anything, she believes in him more than he believes in himself. in her pov,, that's how she loves him. she wants more for him because she believes he deserves more and that he's worth more. it wasn't meant to be a 'greedy' attribute but i understand where it initially comes off as that.

all in all, i think this is one of my very few fics where i picked her flaws on purpose and wrote some in by accident. as a writer, i thought this brought more authenticity in her character as well as sparked the ongoing questions of; what does it really mean to love someone and how much of yourself can you give until there's nothing left? and when there's nothing left; what then? do you pick the pieces together? do you learn and move forward or do you stay where you are and feel it. feel everything and drown in it so you don't miss a thing?

i think oc's character dives into those concepts really well. initially, as i read the asks and 'reviews' on oc,, i felt bad for her (LOL) because truly... she's so misunderstood.

as for jk... i think that man is delusional to the core. but !!! that's my error. i think in the beginning,, bbydaddy jk has this... douche-ness in him that really captures and captivates their dynamic. over time, as the story goes on, you see how fragile he actually is and how pathetic he can get. him proposing to oc was 1) bad timing 2) inconsiderate since he was definitely in his own headspace for thinking and putting his feelings first 3) jus for the drama. LOL !

all in all, i don't think jk did anything wrong (neither did oc) i jus think their relationship is the sole definition of timeless but untimely.

two: asks and anons

please don’t send in asks that bring negative vibes. if u don’t like a character (it’s ok to feel frustrated and all) u can jus move on. no need to send in 'fuck her' if its not in an ironic way 😭 be mindful and remember ur manners. jus cos u’re on anon doesn’t mean u’re held any less accountable !

if u have nothing nice to say,, don’t say it at all. i may not be ur fave writer and this may not be ur fave character or fic ….

and that’s ok.

u are probably not my fave reader anyway 😝

i am not the only smau writer on this app or fic writer at that. i'd encourage u to branch out and find new writers if my characters frusterate u so much (ToT)"

i love receiving silly asks and heartfelt ones even more so when they’re abt my plot and are positive notes regarding my writing! i look forward to those because they remind me of my growth and make me feel appreciated. these fics and smau i make take time btw. like... lots! unfortunately, i'm not talented enough to wake up and write a fic all the way through the end in 1-3 sittings. i need like 5 business days to figure out which jk pic i'm using bro

anon will be turned off for my peace of mind (for now). ikkk it's annoying bc most of u guys are so kind and sweet ,, but it feels like every time i turn it back on,, ppl get ballsy and like srsly???

i am scared of balls

three: kimi's note

at the end of the day, i’m jus a girl writing a silly little story in her free time!

did u catch that? in my free time. the time i put into sitting down, writing, fixing and pacing plots, etc; are all unpaid. i do this because i want to share my creativity and delusions. with that, as a fic writer, i understand and have accepted that there are times when i should feed into the audience/readers' expectations and needs...

and that’s exactly it.

i get to pick and choose what to feed into, what i give out, and what i keep.

with being on tumblr for 4yrs, i've seen so many fic writers leave bitter notes because of how nasty their asks inbox gets. (thankfully, mine is nothing like that) i will not let my inbox become that. i refuse to let my blog and fics burn me out.

i’ve grown so much as a writer over the years. i'm so proud of myself too. yet, i am aware and understand that i am still continuing to learn abt what boundaries i need/have when it comes to my work. i am learning what that means with my social media presence. i am learning how to not let passive/negative asks bother me. i am learning.

if u've been following me long enough, u know how often i take breaks to take care of my mental health, school/work schedule, and maintain/improve my quality of fics.

to be honest, i was really hurt and discouraged when anons gave their 2 cents with my break idea. i posted that to communicate where my headspace was and to have received entitled and inconsiderate responses really threw me off. although, i understand it may not be that serious to the ones that sent it in and i (probably am) overreacting,, i would still like to put it out in the universe that i am not okay with receiving responses like those. please think before you send in. some things are better left unsaid and often unnecessary as it makes me feel like i'm jus a content machine or smt.

and in case u forgot— 

i am a real human with feelings (sometimes with too many).

i'm thankful to have realized and accepted my (known) boundaries. i'm grateful for the confidence and security i have with my wonderful readers and work, knowing that i'm worth the wait.

i know i can and will be taking all the breaks i want. i will binge/content dump all i want. i will take 2 weeks if i want.

through all of this,, i promise to do my best and be better in the future !

if u read everything,, thank u. i wanted to say everything from a place of love and reflection,, so i appreciate u taking the time to understand me. i hope i continue to be a writer u look forward to.

promise ! i'll make u proud ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

all the love,

kimi ♡

[majycka]

Megumi stans....we won, I guess? maybe just for now..

JJK 266 THOUGHTS AND SPOILERS AHEAD!

Aight megumi enjoyers, at least one of us has been in the trenches when Megumi was getting SHOVELED PILES OF SHIT ON for losing his will to live when he's a traumatized 15 years old boy having a valid reaction to a death of a loved one (aka who may I repeat, HEAVILY REITERATED in the manga is someone whose his entire desire to live hinges on). As of from the currents chap, I'm considering Yuuji's acknowledgement/understanding to Megumi's actions a W for us or idk maybe that's just me because he gives Megumi the empathy and understanding he needs in his crazy ass suicidal life, and it raises the question of whether this is gonna fully push Megumi for his comeback moment?

More yapping under the cut

In order to explain why the magnitude of this chapter is such an important development for Megumi, his trauma needs to be discuss first and, there's four people we need to go through to reflect his stages of life. Toji, Tsumiki, Gojo, aaaannd Yuuji! :D

TOJI, the dad who left for milk.

Although we barely see any interaction with these two (only one fight scene from them), Toji no doubt kickstarted the trauma of Megumi the moment he decided to left for milk and never return again. He's traumatized by the Zenin's which explains why he acted out in that way and abandoned his child. All he's life he's treated as the outsider for being the odd one out. He lashed out from it as he got stronger, calmed down when meet Meg's mom who then died, and went back to lashing out again, forgetting that he has a tiny son waiting for him at home. Big L for Toji.

I know that Gege reiterated in his interview that he wants to craft a story where there's no right and wrong people, but I'm gonna proceed to be harsher towards Toji here because he's the ADULT situation. Yes, a traumatized adult who's fucked up and not perfect, but I still hold him accountable in perpetuating Megumi's trauma because Toji proceeded to repeat the cycle of trauma that moment he decided to leave, thinking that turning over Megumi to the Zenin is the best option cuz he got The Ten Shadows Technique. From Toji's perspective, it seemed the better option because he was raised knowing his no cursed energy made him an outcast in his family. It's drilled to him that cursed technique was everything for Zenins, so of course, he thought that his son with a valued technique will make the Zenins, olympic gold medal holder of abuse, treat him better. But, heck no! Just look what happened to that Naoya, who despite being raised differently as Toji or Maki and Mai, ended up as a piece of shit. In the end though, I gotta give him the bareeeessst minimum because he kinda pushed Gojo to interfere with Megumi being sold off to the Zenins(which has another set of problems discussed for the later part of discussion).

I try to stay true in including Gege's intention in writing here, and also other nuanced perspective cuz that's the type of series JJK is that yes, Toji DID care for his son in the barest minimum and in his most emotionally stunted way.

However, the damage is done, and Megumi is left with no prime adult caretaker to protect/guide him with only an older sis to have any resemblance of it .

2. TSUMIKI, the manic pixie dream girl sister.

To define the term (as I've stolen from Google) , manic pixie dream girl (MPDG) means "a type of female character depicted as vivacious and appealingly quirky, whose main purpose within the narrative is to inspire a greater appreciation for life in a male protagonist." They are often associated as love interest in movies, BUT I AM NO WAY SHAPE IN FORM ENDORSING MEGUMI SEES HER THAT WAY. Instead, I am using MPDG as a loose term to describe Tsumiki because like most MPDG, we barely know ANYTHING about her actually and we only saw her through the eyes of Megumi which is being pretty and dead.

Not essentially dead and not essentially just pretty because Megumi described her to be the model of a kind person and someone that Megumi wishes to protect, aka his greater purpose of life, which is yah, great, but we are stuck with this perception of Tsumiki. We don't know her, and I think the closest thing we got an unbiased perception of her is when she chucked a cartoon of milk to Megumi (she will call out his BS). This connects back with Megumi's trauma because who else are you gonna hinge your will to live on when the prime adults in your life failed you? He sees her in a brighter light in order to survive. A way of coping mechanism even.

AND YET, despite all his talk appreciating her kind traits and killing people in the culling game to get back to her, you would be surprised that instead of apologizing to her that he was all emo about, he was a dick to her when they reunited. 💀💀

And in fact, the narrative punishes him for this flaw.

To the point that when Sukuna took over his body, he "killed: Tsumiki in his hands which didn't just left Megumi the guilt and shame of being a dick to his sister before she dies but also the impression that Megumi was the one who "killed her." This makes Megumi an active participant to his own tragedy, and it serves a big slap on his face that he's also at fault here.

3. GOJO, the traumatized bro who tried his best.

This is definitely the raging hot debate of the fandom which is their dynamic, and my take breaks this perception of the uwufied Gojo a lot of the fandom seems to like. Yes, I do see Gojo as another perpetrator to Megumi’s trauma, another adult that failed him but not in such of a black and white way thinking of Gojo’s the wholly bad guy here. Believe it or not, he’s still a part of the chain of generational trauma, being a "chain" as in he's a victim AND perpetrator of the system. I called him the traumatized bro who tried his best here because as much as Gojo knows how cruel the jujutsu system is for the kids, he still unintentionally passes over the core mindset of such cruel system to Megumi since Gojo still did grew up in this system normalized in his eyes.

"Jujutsu Sorcerer is an individual sport."

I say "unintentionally passes" because no, Gojo doesn't have the same intention as Zenins/majority of the system who drills "strength is everything" in the most fucked up way possible. Yes, he enjoys Megumi’s company and treats him nicely. Yes, he sticks his neck out for him. Yes, he wants them to be strong so they can change the system. But this isn't about Gojo. It's about Megumi who still undeniably suffered from the accumulation of the few adults in his life failing him which includes Gojo. Gojo offers protection to Megumi. KEYWORD: Offers. It’s in exchange for Megumi working under Gojo as a jujutsu sorcerer. Now, for smol Megumi here, who truly going through the horror show of abandonment from his dad, agrees to it because apparently, according to Gojo, it’s the only way to protect his sister.

"I'll take care of things! But you're gonna have to work extra hard. I'm countin' on ya."

Annnd thus the cycle repeats! Although it wasn’t as bad as Zenin’s abusive environment Toji was raised, Megumi is still pushed in the same cutthroat environment of the jjk world that Gojo believed he can survive just because Megs has a valued powerful technique if only he himself fullfills his potential, like Gojo’s Six Eyes. BUT Gojo, who delights in his power, forgets a crucial part that…..Megumi isn’t like him!

Check out what Megumi has to say. (aka bud doesn't want any of that sorcerers shit and just wants a domestic life)

So the thing is, was Megumi ever asked his input in choosing to be a jujutsu sorcerer? Well, yah….and all it circles back to just protecting his sister and people like her. There’s a set of problems that comes with this mindset though that Gojo was valid to point out and that is Megumi doesn’t think about himself enough. “It’s ok to be selfish!” Gojo said in the context of being a stronger sorcerer.

But at the same time, he also gave Megumi the idea to that if he doesn’t work as sorcerer, then he won’t be able to protect his sister when he was a mere 6-7y/o boy.

You know that circulating meme of Megumi pulling Mahogora for minor inconvenience? Well, guess what that tells his suicidal tendencies in protecting anyone but himself. Kid got no sense of self-preservation because his self esteemed has completely tanked itself due to his abandonment issues, and now that he’s expressing how it emotionally and physically paralyzes him, he has every valid reason to do so.

Why, yes, Gojo was 19/20 at the time he first met Megs, still a kid, doesn't know shit, and has unaddressed issues being treated as The Strongest Weapon(here’s a dedicated gojo-centric meta I wrote previously about Gojo and his issues cuz he's one complicated fool). I describe this whole situation as an unaware traumatized kid taking in another traumatized kid which is not a fun mix to have, and I understand that Gojo ain’t exactly prepared for that kind of job.

HOWEVER, I’m way harsher to point out Gojo’s failure as an adult in Megumi in the later part of the series because at this point, Gojo's a grown adult, he waxes poetry in being responsible for the next gen , and we get to see his priorities throughout the series especially with the Sukuna’s fight, like seriously he had one legitimate fun fighting someone on par with him.

Gojo DELIGHTS in power no doubt, he chooses kids with most potential, he gets excited finding those kids, and this is the type of the closest dependable adult Megumi has in his life.

Yes, financially supported but Gojo isn't around much when he's working and on demand sorcerer almost 24/7. That's why growing up sure do sucked ass for Megumi especially when no one’s really there to guide and to keep an eye on your development AS A PERSON AND NOT JUST A SORCERER which the latter part is what unfortunately Gojo’s more eager to do.

4. YUUJI, the guy who just wants Megumi to know he matters to him as a person.

Yuuji and Megumi were definitely the highlight of this chapter because in the bleak world of JJK where everyone seemed to be succumbing to the repeated fuck ups of the previous gen (like that Yuta-Gojo situation), this chapter actually offers that THERE IS HOPE that the new gen can do better like what Yuuji just did that the adults in Megumi's life are too emotionally stunted to do. Yuuji take the time to listen to Megumi's emotional thoughts, what he feels as a person, and not just listen, but to understand and empathize. It even took lots of attempts for Yuuji to make Megumi open up.

He responds to Megumi's vulnerability with care and love, and Yuuji understands the pain Megumi is going through from losing his sister. With someone in pain like that, Yuuji knows he can't just go around saying "just live" to someone who's practically suicidal.

The treat of this all is when this scene comes next. Yuuji also shows his vulnerability and expresses that Megumi matters to him!

"It's lonely without you..Fushiguro."

This scene clearly parallels Gojo and Megumi's first meeting, so I'm gonna try to throw my two cents here and explain why Gege choose this direction. Remember what I said about Yuuji giving us the hope of the new gen escaping from the shackles of generational trauma? Well, I think this parallel is a way in saying that what Megumi needed when he was so young was someone to see him and his pain who's just a kid abandoned and forced to fend for themselves because the prime adults decided to to dip out. This is Megumi we are talking about here who's unaddressed issues stays hidden beneath all the pressure of him being The Ten Shadows Technique. He's valued for his technique. That's why Gojo showed up to meet him in the first place. That's also what the jujutsu system looked after for their child soldiers. Yuuji tries to break this chain of trauma their mentor unknowingly repeats. He'll show up for Megumi again and again because he's his dear friend even if Megumi's being difficult to be pulled out of Sukuna. And the beautiful thing is Yuuji didn't had some grand inspiring speech or grand offer to convince Megumi, he wasn't even sure Megumi will be up for it. Yuuji simply want to say that he matters to him. That understands him. That he's important to him so much he'll be sad when he dies, and it mattered.

"This is...Fushiguro Megumi's...!!"

And now that Megumi is showing signs in taking his body back, it's now his turn to save himself. Yuuji did his part, and for someone whose future has been controlled by everyone but himself, this time Megumi gets to decide what comes next.

[project-sonadow]

hello—i have a question to ask, and i figured it’d be better to do it here than to bother an individual artist about this. (sorry in advance for bringing the mood down w/ a serious question, btw.)

so, i’ve seen posts going around lately where people are like “hey, stop being explicit about sonadow, it’s weird”. and i agree that making explicit comments on sfw work is not cool. forcing the creator to see stuff that might make them uncomfortable is rude. /gen

however, if the characters are explicitly stated to be aged up (like, have lived several years beyond the games) or are in an au where they’re older, is that still bad? /genq because i always thought that the authors/artists were specifically going out of their way to say “we’re actively not wanting to make these pieces about children, we just want to see these two personalities and how they would behave in nsfw situations”.

sorry again. i’m just very confused (and a bit scared by the hostility /nm) and was hoping that i could maybe get some clarification.

(btw, thanks to all the artists on this blog for making such cute art. it’s all really nice stuff.)

Hi there. This isn't the type of thing we would typically address here, but your approach tells me that you're looking to learn and understand, so I'll give you my thoughts.

First of all, to address hostility - it's intimidating and intense, because this is the kind of thing that fires people up. We're not exempt from this, because we do not want to see explicit content about minors, and we will be direct about this fact. And for some reason, some people get very offended when you tell them this.

I'm going to respond to you in good faith, and I don't assume any bad intentions on your part.

On aging characters up. I will be specifically talking about the sonic franchise as my example here, but this applies to any series where the focus characters are children.

Sonic and Shadow are kids. They are teenagers. Age discourse is NOT relevant. They are depicted as teenagers, they act like teenagers, and they are meant to be viewed as teenagers. And so this begs the question: why is there a need to see them in adult situations? Why is there a drive to depict minors in explicit situations?

Even if a creator is theoretically not making a piece about minors, when they choose to age up minor characters, that tells me that they thought about those minors in explicit situations, or that they wanted to see those minors in those situations, but needed a way to justify it.

This is why I fundamentally disagree with aging characters up to put them in adult situations. The core characters are children. Wanting to see a child character in explicit situations so badly that there is a need to justify it by aging them up or making an au or whatever is strange and disturbing, and I personally would not want to associate with someone who does that kind of thing.

Reflect on the issue yourself. All I can do is explain my reasoning, and say that I will choose not to associate with people who make and/or consume content of minor characters in explicit situations.

I appreciate that you want to learn. I am answering this question specifically because of the way you asked it, and that I see this as a way to tell you why we think certain things, and why we vehemently disagree with certain types of content. To others reading this, this post is NOT an invitation to discourse with us. I will not be arguing about ages or logistics or whatever. Do not try to convince me that nsfw of minor characters is okay, you'll get blocked immediately.

[kingofbodyrolls]

My Heart's Home (m) | pjm | three

🐴Chapter summary: You win some and you lose some— isn’t that how the saying goes? But when you keep messing up, how long does it take for your sister to get enough of your fuck ups? 🐴Chapter title: Sometimes 🐴Pairings: jimin x reader (main), jungkook x reader (only happens once in the first chapter), jungkook x OC (jessi), namjoon x OC (jessi), yoongi x hoseok, namjoon x oc, seokjin x oc, taehyung x oc 🐴Characters: female reader (isn’t mentioned by name and no “y/n”), Jimin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Seokjin, Taehyung and four female original characters. 🐴Genre/AU: ranch!au, slice of life!au, soulmate!au, cowboy!au + smut, humor, fluff, romance, slow burn and angst 🐴Rating: mature/explicit/R18 – this is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact!

🐴Disclaimer: I do not own BTS or know them personally and this work of fiction is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. The actions and personalities described in the story do not reflect those of BTS— it’s just fiction. Also, if you would kindly read the tags/warnings before reading, that would be lovely: and if you don’t like whatever is described in the tags, just hit return and find something else to read. Thank you 🌸 🐴Chapter warnings: some sexual tension and angst! A storm is brewing ⛈️ + a horse in pain (colic), also Jessi is a real pain in the ass in this chapter, sorry. 🐴Status: completed 🥳 🐴Word count: 11.8k 🐴Taglist: @kookswifesblog, @kiki-zb, @babejinnie, @ownthesunshine, @allie-is-a-panda, @glllhjh, @bergandysam, @13-manggaetteok, @jeonsbabygirlsworld,

*tumblr isn’t letting me tag you! There could be a lot of reasons for that, check out this lovely post about it.

🐴Now playing 💿 “Sometimes” by Rebecca Lavelle. [Wanna listen to the serie’s playlist?] 🐴Author’s note(1): I’m not a vet okay– so some of the descriptions regarding veterinary treatment of horses might not be 100% spot on, lol. 

Also, I know that you all want MC and Jimin to get together, and it is coming soon— I promise! 🫶 The next chapter is actually one of my favorites 🥰

It’s been cross posted to AO3 if you prefer to read there. Wanna see the book cover?

← previous | s.masterlist | m.masterlist |  next →

“Sometimes at the edge of sight Something moves which isn't there You turn to look but it's gone, it's gone Was it ever really there Yet it touches you Softly touches you And then it begins again” -  ��Sometimes’ by Rebecca Lavelle

Perplexed, you question why Jessi deemed it a brilliant idea for you to single-handedly corral the sheep into the pen. You move at a measured trot, employing subtle cues with your legs on Marshmallow to orchestrate the intricate dance required to guide the sheep to their destination.

Eager to excel and make a lasting impression, you're determined to master the task your sister entrusted you with. The desire to earn Jessi's approval fuels your determination, pushing you to strive for excellence in her eyes.

With a subtle click of your tongue, you skillfully guide the reins, prompting Marshmallow to gracefully trot to the right and deftly corral a stray sheep back into the fold.

A sense of surprise washes over you as you realize just how adept you are at this task. It feels surprisingly easy, and a newfound energy surges within, allowing you to even whistle a tune as the ranch comes into view on the horizon. The girls await your successful return at the shed, a testament to your growing confidence. Almost there.

Grinning ear to ear, you reach the gate of the pen and energetically wave to Ara, Soo-ah, and Ha-rin, your sister nowhere to be seen.

Approaching the gate, you deftly lean over Marshmallow, swing it open, and expertly turn the horse around. With determination, you guide the sheep into the pen, where the girls await, poised for the upcoming shearing.

“You did such a nice job!” Soo-ah's voice echoes with admiration, her wide smile and doe-like eyes expressing genuine appreciation. You nod in gratitude, turning Marshmallow toward the barn to return him to the field, a sense of accomplishment swelling within you.

Guiding Marshmallow into the barn with deliberate ease, you orchestrate a gradual slowdown. With a practiced motion, you swing your leg over the saddle and dismount, grounding yourself with a gentle touch on the barn floor. “Such a good boy,” you murmur affectionately, your hand caressing Marshmallow's neck, eliciting a delighted response from the appreciative horse.

Effortlessly unhooking the girdle from the saddle, you carefully lift it off Marshmallow's back and return it to its designated spot on the saddle hook in the corner. He stands patiently, awaiting your return to relieve him of his bridle. A soft click of your tongue signals him to follow as you lead him gracefully to a paddock.

As you swing the gate open for Marshmallow, you marvel at the grace with which he bounds into the paddock, joining the rhythmic dance of the other horses. A peculiar warmth envelops your heart, a sense of fulfillment washing over you. The silent camaraderie among these majestic creatures stirs a deep nostalgia, making you keenly aware of how much you've yearned for the company of horses.

With a heart brimming with affection, you stride purposefully back to the shed where the girls await assistance in shearing the sheep. The prospect of shearing, an uncharted territory for you, looms uncertainly. Doubts flicker like fleeting shadows—will you navigate the shearing process with finesse, or fumble in your attempt? The anticipation lingers, but optimism threads through your thoughts as you hope for a seamless endeavor.

The girls deftly corral sheep, ushering them one by one into the bustling shearing shed. Jessi, now a commanding presence, orchestrates the operation with vocal precision, her directives ringing out amid the flurry of wooly activity.

“Go grab a sheep!” Jessi commands, her voice cutting through the wooly chaos. You heed her directive, but the task is easier said than done. The sheep evade your advances, darting away like fleeting shadows, leaving you in a comical dance of pursuit.

Balancing on the delicate line between assertiveness and consideration, you tread lightly with the sheep. Jessi's voice echoes in your mind, emphasizing the significance of stress-free herding. You avoid being too imposing, a mindful dance to ensure the flock remains undisturbed by your presence. Struggling to find the right pace, you navigate the delicate task of herding without causing distress. Yet, your caution results in a slow, deliberate progress that doesn't align with Jessi's brisk expectations.

“What's the hold up?” echoes your sister's impatient voice from within the shed, prompting an audible sigh of frustration to escape your lips.

“They run away as soon as I approach! I can't catch a single fucking one…” you lament with a deflated sigh, watching Ha-rin effortlessly wrangle a sheep into the shed for Jessi to shear. The task seems so effortless for her, and you can't help but feel a sense of frustration settling in.

“You've got to assert yourself without stressing them out!” Jessi's instructions echo from the shed. Easier said than done, you think to yourself. 

Why can't she take charge of the herding, leaving you to shear the sheep? After all, how hard can that be? You've handled clippers while cutting hair before!

“Can’t we switch places?” You groan audibly, surrendering and entering the shed. Inside, you find a visibly sweaty Jessi and Soo-ah hard at work shearing sheep. They sport tank tops, drenched in sweat, and you glance at your hoodie, realizing it's time to shed that too. Without second thoughts, you peel it off.

Jessi looks up, setting down the clippers after finishing with one sheep. As it walks off into another pen, she questions, “Do you really want to shear the sheep?”

“Yeah,” you affirm, standing in your tank top, determined to dive into the task at hand. After all, how challenging could it really be?

Jessi chuckles, clearly amused by your determination. She powers down the clippers and stretches her back, beads of sweat tracing a path from her hairline down her face. She breathes heavily, as if she's just completed a vigorous run.

She explains, wiping her face with a cloth, “Just pull this to start the clippers, and again when you're done with a sheep.” Her smile is encouraging as she heads outside into the brisk, hot sun to fetch sheep for you.

Jessi hands you a squirming sheep, and its resistance is evident as you grapple to steady it in your arms for shearing. The sound of Jessi's laughter echoes through the shed as you wrestle with the stubborn creature. You grasp the clippers, initiating their hum, and lower them toward the sheep's wool. Yet, the distressed animal resists, and your attempts to shear off even a single piece of wool are thwarted as it breaks free, darting around the shed in a state of panic.

Laughter erupts in the shed, a symphony of joy, and Jessi joins in with such enthusiasm that she clutches her stomach. Tears, mingled with sweat, streak down her face.

“You have to hold it down, gently though,” Soo-ah instructs, her hands expertly guiding the clippers through the wool of her own sheep. The ease with which she maneuvers the tool makes you realize that she's mastered the art, turning the seemingly complicated task into a graceful dance with the clippers. You watch, determined to learn, as she transforms the shearing process into a captivating display of skill.

“Okay,” you affirm, a newfound determination burning in your eyes as you prepare to make another attempt.

Jessi deftly catches the elusive sheep that had evaded you earlier, guiding it back to the pen with a gentle touch. She shares insights about the importance of letting the sheep de-stress before attempting to shear, imparting her seasoned knowledge in a blend of expertise and empathy.

Jessi strides out to fetch another sheep, its wooly resistance evident in the struggle against her hold. Passing the lively bundle of wool to you, she entrusts you with the task. Cradling the spirited creature in your arms, you activate the clippers, their hum filling the air as you carefully guide them over the sheep's body, determined to conquer the challenge of shearing.

The sheep surprisingly cooperates, holding still as you work the clippers through its wool. Just as you start feeling victorious, Jessi reenters the shed, her expert eye catching a potential mishap. 

“Not that close to the skin, or you’re gonna cut it,” she advises, and a frown creases your face. Examining your progress, you notice the sheep's skin perilously close to being nicked. Quickly shutting off the clippers, you release the half-sheared sheep, which makes a hasty escape. Fortunately, Soo-ah intercepts and expertly completes the shearing process.

Frustration bubbles within you as you groan, “Fuck. This is hard.” 

The sense of failure looms large – unable to smoothly handle the sheep, struggling with the clippers, you question your competence. What, in this unfamiliar environment, can you actually accomplish?

The stifling air in the cramped shed starts to feel suffocating, prompting an urgent need for a breath of fresh air.

“Did you expect it to be easy?” Soo-ah inquires, a knowing smile playing on her lips. Your head shakes in uncertainty. Perhaps. All you yearn for is to excel, to instill a sense of pride in your sister, to debunk the notion that you're merely an inept city dweller. However, in this moment, that's precisely how you perceive yourself.

“You know what– I'm going to take a breather and catch some fresh air,” you declare to the girls, conceding once more. This situation is not to your liking; you yearn to contribute meaningfully on the ranch. Yet, you can't shake the feeling that you're merely impeding everyone's progress.

The girls offer silent nods as you exit, no further words exchanged. Your head hangs low; pride in your performance is absent. You could have done so much better. You just feel so fucking useless.

Your feet guide you outside, greeted by the blazing sun and its intense heat. Grateful for the comfort of a tank top, you make your way to the paddock where the horses leisurely graze. As you open the gate, a mental note reminds you to turn around and ensure its secure closure this time.

Your steps lead you without a clear destination, winding through the landscape until, unexpectedly, you find yourself atop a hill. From this vantage point, the entire ranch sprawls beneath you, yet you choose to avert your gaze. Instead, you turn to face the captivating expanse of the blue sky meeting the rolling green horizon.

As you exhale, your body gives in to a slight slump, settling onto the soft grass. The weight of perceived failure rests on your shoulders. Despite the rational acknowledgment that shearing sheep for the first time comes with a learning curve, the nagging desire to impress Jessi fuels your frustration. 

Why can't you do better?

It's a question echoing in your mind, a silent plea to yourself to rise above this initial struggle.

As thoughts of obtaining Jessi's signature to sell your share of the ranch swirl in your mind, a surprising realization hits you—you're starting to embrace the charm of this vast, open land. The expansive landscapes, the crisp air, the vibrant green grass under the endless blue sky, and the twinkling stars at night, all things the city never offered. Despite labeling yourself a city girl, you're slowly discovering a newfound connection to the land you used to call home. Could this place, once abandoned, become home again? 

Now, as the landscape of the ranch paints a new picture in your mind, you question whether you could reclaim that sense of home. The uncertainty hovers, a cloud casting shadows on your future. Is this rural life meant for you? While Jessi revels in your recent misadventures, you can envision her sharing a beer or uncorking a bottle of wine with the girls the moment you depart. A smirk tugs at your lips as you ponder her probable preference for beer, and you find yourself smiling at that fact.

A yearning for deeper understanding tugs at your core as you grapple with the realization that you might not know your sister as intimately as one would expect siblings to. The echoes of your departure from this place, a mere kid back then, reverberate through the unspoken words that now hang heavily in the air between you and your sister. 

The scars of the past loom large, raising the daunting question: Can time and memories ever bridge the chasm caused by years of separation and untold pain?

As a sigh escapes your lips, a subtle uneasiness takes root in the pit of your stomach, casting a shadow over your thoughts. The gentle caress of the wind on your face seems to mock your inner turmoil, and a low groan escapes you. Despite the reluctance gnawing at your resolve, the undeniable truth lingers – you must return to the shed and confront the unfinished task that awaits.

Maybe you could do something different instead of shearing or gathering sheep. You don’t really want to do that again anytime soon. Maybe you could collect or sort the wool that the others have sheared?

As you gaze up at the vast expanse of the sky, its hues shifting subtly with the passage of unnoticed time, a realization dawns upon you. It's a silent cue to return to the shed and rejoin the collective effort. As you descend the hill, the silhouette of a black and a blue Ford Ranger gradually comes into view, parked near the paddock. A peculiar flutter dances in your chest, a subtle rhythm that you attempt to dismiss, choosing to bury it deep down.

As you approach the shed, the crescendo of voices builds a symphony of anticipation. Upon pushing open the door, a medley of scents assaults your senses—sweat, the unmistakable essence of hard labor. The scene unfolds before you: men toiling away, clad in tank tops, their bodies glistening with the evidence of their exertion, each droplet of sweat a testament to their dedication.

At first glance, your eyes lock onto Jimin, his tousled blonde locks clinging to his perspiring forehead as he skillfully shears the sheep handed to him by Ara. His muscles ripple beneath the strain, defining every inch of his biceps—a visual feast that leaves you momentarily captivated. Unconsciously, you find yourself licking your lips, entranced by the alluring spectacle of him immersed in his work.

The veins in his arms dance beneath the surface, as if daring to break free from their confines, a mesmerizing display of controlled strength as he maneuvers the clipper with precision around the sheep's body. A surge of something indefinable stirs within you, igniting a cascade of flutters in your chest. Flutters dance in your chest, and the heat intensifies, making it suddenly challenging to draw in a simple breath in the midst of the scorching atmosphere.

The beads of sweat cascade from his hairline, tracing a rivulet down his face, and the droplets rhythmically dance along his arms as he deftly pulls the lever, silencing the clipper. The sheep, now freed, scampers towards the other pen, leaving a tangible sense of accomplishment lingering in the air.

Entranced by his every move, you find yourself in a spellbound reverie. When his gaze locks onto yours, revealing that he's caught you stealing glances, a mischievous and knowing smile curves on his lips. 

In that moment, you sense the impending danger he poses to your heart.

As your gaze shifts to Jungkook, you observe beads of sweat mirroring his brother's exertion, his muscular biceps defined beneath the strain of wielding clippers on the sheep. The strands of his black hair cling to his head, forming enticing curls at the ends.

As your eyes traverse the scene, they settle on Hoseok, his luscious brown hair adhering to his face due to perspiration. In a tank top that clings uncomfortably to his sweaty body, he expertly drags sheep from the pen to join Jessi, Jimin, and Jungkook, who are engrossed in the current shearing process.

Next, your gaze descends upon Yoongi, immersed in the task of sorting the wool. With silver hair that curls at the ends from the heat, he emits a groan of frustration while scrutinizing the wool. Intrigued, you approach him, a curious lilt in your voice as you inquire about his current endeavor, genuinely captivated by his activities.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m classifying the wool,” Yoongi's fingers deftly navigate through the wool, inspecting it for imperfections as he classifies it. When he looks up at you, his gaze locks with yours, and a hint of invitation colors his voice as he asks, “Do you want to help? It's easy,” he adds, extending the offer with a subtle challenge in his eyes.

You smile warmly at him, nodding in agreement. The prospect of contributing in a meaningful way lifts your spirits. Yoongi takes the lead, guiding you through the intricate process of classifying wool. He imparts the nuances of the task, pointing out imperfections that could downgrade the wool's quality. 

Yoongi proves to be excellent company. While he remains mostly silent, the occasional grumble escapes his lips as he meticulously identifies imperfections in the wool. 

Out of the blue, you turn to Yoongi, curiosity lighting up your gaze. “Do you like horses?” His response is a subtle smile accompanied by a nod. In the quiet exchange, you sense that he might be a man of few words, his thoughts and emotions hidden beneath the surface, waiting to be unraveled.

As you glance upward, you find Jimin's eyes fixed on you, an intensity that seems to penetrate your very soul. Uncomfortably exposed, you quickly shift your gaze away, unable to withstand the weight of his stare. It's as if he possesses the ability to see through your every layer, leaving you feeling vulnerable and laid bare.

As you approach the halfway point, beads of sweat dotting everyone's exerted faces, a welcomed break arrives. Ha-rin swoops in as the savior, distributing ice-cold water bottles to the parched crew. You practically guzzle down an entire bottle, the refreshing liquid providing a much-needed respite from the relentless heat.

Cool water trickles down your collarbones, and you sense Jimin’s gaze lingering on the droplets. Sweat continues to bead on his face as he dives back into the task of shearing the remaining sheep.

Jessi reenters the shed, her sudden return catching you off guard. You didn’t even know she left. “What the hell is this?” Her eyes narrow at the sheep tags, a visible frown creasing her face—oh, she’s not happy.

Your fingers pause their work on the wool as you look up, meeting Jessi's intense gaze. The tension in the air becomes palpable, and you can't help but feel a knot forming in your stomach. “What’s wrong?” 

“These are the wrong sheep,” Silence descends like a heavy shroud as Jessi's words cut through the air, freezing every motion in the shed. Her revelation hangs in the space between the hum of the clippers and the suspended breaths of everyone present. Your hands, once deftly working with the wool, now hover in limbo, caught in the gravity of her words. All eyes converge on you, and the weight of your mistake settles like an anchor in the pit of your stomach. Unable to face the accusing gazes, you avert your eyes, well aware that you fucked up big time.

Your sister marches towards you at the wool pressing station, her voice cuts through the air like a whip, each word laced with frustration. “You gathered the wrong sheep!” 

Her accusation lands on you like a blow, and you instinctively shrink under the weight of her anger. Hovering over you, she delivers her disappointment with venom, making your body tense in response. The air thickens as she paints the picture of the setback you've caused, and the realization of your mistake casts a shadow over the shed. 

“Now we have to gather the right sheep and shear them too..” Frustration lines her face, and beads of sweat form a trail down her hairline, leaving traces on her tank top. 

In the blistering heat of her frustration, your sister's words cut through the air like a searing wind. “We are going to be behind! And it’s your fucking fault!” Her accusatory finger points directly at your retreating form, each word a sharp pang echoing in the shed. 

The weight of your mistake presses down on you, and you can't bear it any longer. Stepping back, you find yourself in the spotlight, all eyes still fixed on your figure. The suffocating tension hangs heavy in the air, leaving you with a sense of regret that matches the scorching heat around you.

As you retreat towards the door, you catch the remorse and sadness in Jimin's eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the chaos unfolding. Pushing yourself outside, you crave distance – an escape from the suffocating atmosphere, from the weight of your failures, and from the relentless series of mistakes that cling to you like a shadow.

Without warning, your feet break into a sprint, the sting of unshed tears threatening to overflow. In the midst of your rapid escape, you acknowledge the bitter truth – a familiar refrain that echoes in your mind: you should have seen it coming; after all, you have a knack for unraveling everything you touch.

Barely a few steps away, a familiar silhouette catches up – it's Jimin. As you reach the outskirts of the main house, standing in the yard, he utters words that echo with a plea, “Please come back,” his voice infused with a tenderness that tugs at your heart.

You exhale a heavy sigh, pausing before taking tentative steps toward the house. Slowly, you pivot your body, facing him with a mix of reluctance and curiosity.

“I fuck everything up Jimin,” you confess, releasing a heavy breath and exhaling deeply. “I feel utterly useless on this ranch.”

You sense your mind descending a ladder it shouldn't tread, but you can't resist. The overwhelming feeling of uselessness sends your thoughts into a tailspin.

“It’s to be expected. You’ll get better.” As he attempts to reassure you, his words only partially register, drowned out by the surging frustration within. A turbulent blend of anger and irritation courses through your veins, and you clench your fists, struggling to steady the rapid rhythm of your heart.

Out of the blue, you throw a question at him, breaking the silence. “Do you think I belong here?” The unexpected inquiry catches him off guard, evident in the momentary gape on his face.

“I do,” he starts, his words carrying a subtle plea, and you're left wondering why. What prompts this earnest assurance from him?

“I believe you just need time,” he adds, a reassuring smile gracing his face. 

“I don't think I fit in, and I feel like an imposter,” you state, the words escaping your lips with a blankness that mirrors the emptiness inside. It's as if all the fight has been drained from you. Thoughts of returning home and calling it quits start to seep in, contemplating whether this life is truly meant for you. The allure of the city beckons, a retreat from the challenges on the ranch and perhaps a way to keep a safe distance from your sister. The idea lingers, tempting you with the notion that everyone might be happier that way.

You feel the raindrops patter on your skin, a cascading rhythm that mirrors the tumult within. Jimin appears unfazed, embracing the downpour without hesitation. The deluge intensifies, nearly drowning you in its relentless flow, mirroring the suffocating feeling of your struggles on the ranch. Is this torrential downpour a sign, urging you to contemplate the idea that perhaps it's truly time to head back to the city?

“We should get back,” Jimin suggests, attempting to guide you back, but the allure of the rain refuses to release its grip. The downpour descends heavily, clinging to your hair, a weight that feels like both burden and baptism. With raindrops tracing trails down your skin, it’s almost as if you’re being cleansed. As he observes your entwined hands, Jimin releases an audible sigh. 

“You belong here,” he whispers, his voice a gentle caress, and a distant memory awakens within you— Childhood days resurface, a time of carefree laughter, a handsome boy uttering those same words when your father tore you away from this very land.

His touch crackles with an electric charge, igniting your skin in a dance with the pelting rain. It's a strange collision of fire and water, the contrasting elements creating a sensation that defies the damp surroundings. Instead of quenching the internal fire, the rain seems to stoke its flames, the intensity growing and nearly overtaking you.

His simple words act as a catalyst, reigniting the spark within you. With a heart fluttering to the rhythm of a wild stallion's gallop, you sprint back to the shed hand in hand, a small newfound determination propelling you forward in the pouring rain.

The lingering sense of uselessness persists, a relentless storm within. The weight of failure bears down on you, exacerbated when Jessi emphatically states that wet sheep can't be sheared. Her reminder echoes in the air, emphasizing the crucial task of gathering the right sheep after the sun works its magic to dry and warm their wool.

Amidst the tumultuous events, a haunting trio of emotions persists – regret, failure, and the sting of embarrassment.

As you move, the gentle yet commanding gaze of hazel eyes tracks your every step, sending a tingling sensation across your skin, creating an undercurrent of anticipation.

Frustration fueled by recent setbacks propels you to reach for your phone, fervently scouring the internet for information on handling your inheritance. Can you maneuver through the legal intricacies to sell your share of the ranch without the elusive signature of your sister?

In a moment of urgency, you delve into the unexplored territory of your inheritance, frantically searching on your phone. To your surprise, the results reveal a glimmer of hope – selling your share of the ranch without your sister's consent is not just a possibility, but a potential reality.

Despite the unsettling churn in your stomach at the thought of selling your share without your sister's knowledge, there's an undercurrent of reassurance. The knowledge that you have this option as a fallback provides a sliver of comfort, a lifeline in case Jessi refuses to grant you her signature.

Even as the warmth of this place and its people seep into your heart, the truth remains unchanged—you were never destined to stay. The allure of a potential sale, with its promise of financial security, continues to beckon, a lingering reminder of the transient nature of your stay.

As Ara flashes you a warm smile while tidying up a horse's stall in the barn, she extends an invitation, “Do you want to come into town with us?” 

You're already lending her a hand, a task you're proficient at among the few things you've mastered during your stay.

“Sure,” you respond with a nonchalant shrug, the prospect of joining them in town offering a welcome diversion. With nothing pressing on your agenda, the possibility of a change of scenery beckons.

After completing the task of clearing out the stalls, you step into the yard, heading towards the pickup truck where Ha-rin awaits. The afternoon briskness plays with the strands of her short black hair.

As you all squeeze into the car, Ara takes the driver's seat and steers towards town. The road stretches out, and a contemplative silence envelops the vehicle. Unsure of what to discuss, you resist the urge to fill the void with forced conversation, allowing the rhythmic hum of the engine to create a canvas for unspoken thoughts.

Ara, surprisingly swift behind the wheel, navigates the journey to town in under two hours, leaving you both impressed and slightly questioning the safety of the speedy drive.

Nevertheless, here you are, immersed in the charm of the small town, wandering the aisles of the local grocery store.

Your trio navigates the aisles in unison, methodically checking items off Jessi's list. The simplicity of the task doesn't escape you, and you're determined not to let this be another thing you mess up.

As your gaze sweeps across the formidable grocery list, you notice an abundance of canned goods, sacks of flour, bags of rice, heaps of pasta, and an array of frozen items. The sheer quantity raises an unspoken question in your mind – is Jessi preparing for an impending event, or is this a routine restocking?

You cast a frustrated gaze away from the overwhelming list, you can't help but voice your exasperation. “Do we seriously need every single thing on this damn list?” The question hangs in the air, met with amused chuckles from the girls, their eyes twinkling with shared understanding.

Ha-rin offers a smile, her explanation accompanied by a purposeful stride as she guides the cart through the aisles, steadily accumulating the items on the lengthy list. “It's mainly for backstock. Stocking up helps us avoid frequent trips to town,” she shares, her words carrying a practical wisdom that resonates with the challenges of ranch life.

As you navigate through the aisle, the sultry tones of a familiar voice reach your ears. “Come on. It'll be fun in my car.” 

Turning the corner, you spot the source—Jungkook, once again in the midst of his charming antics. A chuckle escapes you at the scene: his body leaning into the woman's like a predator and its prey. The pang in your chest is fleeting this time, a mere echo of the past encounter when you found yourself pressed against a wall with Jungkook.

Ara joins you, a shared chuckle escapes her lips as both of you catch sight of Jungkook's flirtatious spectacle. Deciding not to linger, you continue your journey further into the store, leaving the scene behind.

“I feel like I see Jungkook everywhere I go,” laughing, you share your observation with Ara as the cart, now laden with supplies, glides toward the cashier. The recurrent presence of Jungkook in unexpected places has become a quirky pattern in your days.

“Jungkook's reputation with the women in this town is legendary,” Ha-rin remarks, rolling her eyes with a smile. “Not that he's not sweet, but it's as if he's eternally searching, never quite satisfied,” she muses, the words more of a contemplative murmur than a deliberate statement.

As you ponder Ha-rin's remark about Jungkook, a fleeting thought crosses your mind. Could it be true that he, like everyone else, is on a quest for ‘the one’?

At the cashier, you efficiently load all your items onto the till, settle the grocery bill, and proceed to wheel the cart out to the pick-up truck. The teamwork flows seamlessly, and thankfully, the task is swiftly accomplished.

Securing the tarp over the backload of the truck, you turn to Ara and Ha-rin with a curious glint in your eyes. “Do you guys know when Jungkook moved here? I don't recall him being around when I was a kid,” you inquire, a tinge of nostalgia coloring your voice.

As you all climb back into the truck, you can't help but feel a sense of relief with Ha-rin taking the wheel this time – a decision that, for some reason, gives you a comforting notion of safety.

“Jungkook actually moved here shortly after you left,” Ara reveals from the front seat. The engine roars to life as Ha-rin takes control, steering the truck back towards the ranch.

“His mom married Jimin’s father, and they embraced the Park surname as their own. Jungkook’s actual last name is Jeon,” Ara shares, her laughter filling the truck's cabin as she turns to face you more directly. “And here's a tidbit for you: Jessi and Jungkook are actually best friends.” The revelation catches you off guard. Despite their apparent closeness, you hadn't realized the depth of their friendship until now.

“They’re always bickering,” Ha-rin chimes in with an eye roll, steering the car down the main road.

“They just need to fuck each other, that’s all.” Ara declares with a laughter that echoes through the truck.

You join in her laughter, though a peculiar unease settles in your stomach.

You sprint down to the main house, your feet drumming angrily on the dirt, the rhythmic pulse of your heart echoing in your ears. Bursting through the door, you dash into the kitchen, seeking out Ha-rin. Panting, you lean against the door frame, catching your breath.

Gasping for breath, eyes wide with urgency, you implore, “Do you have the vet's number?”

Worry etches across her face as she abandons the vegetables on the countertop. With a swift motion, she retrieves a piece of paper from the fridge, hastily jotting down the vet's number. 

“What's wrong?” she inquires, concern lacing her words. 

You spill the urgency in your voice, “It's Cinnamon, he's just laying down in his stall and I can't get him to stand. He seems to be in pain.”

“This is Namjoon’s number. Call him, and he’ll get here as soon as possible.” She hands you the slip of paper, and as you're about to turn away, heading back to the barn, you flash her a soft smile, gratitude lingering in your gaze.

“It sounds like he might have colic; do everything you can to make him stand up, okay?” She continues with a sense of urgency, turning her attention back to preparing the vegetables for tonight's dinner. You respond with a firm nod, then hastily leave the kitchen, the house, and sprint toward the barn, the piece of paper tightly clenched in your hand.

Cinnamon remains on the ground, emitting a strained whine that sends shivers down your spine. His condition is visibly deteriorating. Anxious, you retrieve your phone and the piece of paper bearing the vet's number. Your fingertips glide across the glass of your phone, tracing unfamiliar numbers before decisively pressing ‘call.’

“Hello, this is Namjoon. How can I assist you?” His voice carries a gentle warmth, hinting at a reassuring smile even through the phone.

“Hey there! My sister's horse is in bad shape. Any chance you could swing by and check him out?” you implore, crouching beside Cinnamon and gently caressing his soft coat.

“Absolutely,” he responds, and a brief pause follows, suggesting he's gathering supplies, the distinct rustling audible. “Mind filling me in on what's going on with the horse?”

After a brief hesitation, you gather your thoughts. Uncertain about Cinnamon's ailment, you decide to echo Ha-rin's suggestion, your voice conveying the worry that grips you. “I suspect it might be colic. He's lying down, and I can't get him to stand up.”

As Namjoon offers advice over the phone, the urgency in his voice becomes apparent. “It might be colic. Try your best to get him up and walk around if possible,” he instructs, the audible sounds of a car door opening and closing in the background. Then, he queries, “Where did you say you were again?”

You chuckle, realizing you hadn't given any information about yourself, let alone an introduction. “I'm at Bora Ranch,” you quickly provide, hoping the vet can navigate his way to your location without further delay.

The silence on the line for a few seconds feels like an eternity, but then his voice resonates close to the phone, “Wait... Are you Jessi’s sister? Is Cinnamon sick?” The urgency in his tone heightens the gravity of the situation.

You nod fervently, forgetting for a moment that he can't see you, and respond, “Yeah, that's right.”

“Okay. I'll be there soon,” he assures you before the line goes silent, the distant hum of a car engine starting in the background. Anxious, you pray that Namjoon arrives quickly; the agony of watching Cinnamon in pain becomes more unbearable by the moment.

You attempt to coax him with a gentle tug on his halter, but Cinnamon remains stubbornly unmoving. It's as if he's determined to stay sprawled on the ground. You wrestle with the conflicting thoughts racing through your mind – would it truly be detrimental if he stayed down? Uncertain, you recall the vet and Ha-rin's advice, urging you to encourage movement. Faced with uncertainty, you resolve to heed their counsel and make a concerted effort to get him back on his feet.

“Come on, buddy, rise up... I beg you to get up,” you groan, attempting to lift Cinnamon's head, but your efforts prove futile. Time seems to blur as you persist in coaxing Cinnamon to stand, your frustration mounting. 

Just when despair threatens to settle in, the distant hum of an incoming car reaches your ears. A surge of gratitude washes over you as the vet's arrival feels like a lifeline in this desperate situation.

The nearing footsteps echo steadily, building anticipation until a towering figure emerges before you. Lifting your gaze, you lock eyes with the imposing presence that has just arrived.

His physique commands attention, a robust build accentuated by broad shoulders and encased in a blue coverall with sleeves artfully rolled up, revealing powerful biceps. Yet, his face carries an inviting warmth, and a friendly smile plays on his lips, instantly putting you at ease. Dimples grace his cheeks, adding a touch of approachable charm as he surveys you and the ailing Cinnamon.

“Greetings, I'm Namjoon, the vet,” he declares, placing his toolbox down before extending a hand for a firm shake. His neatly cropped black hair impeccably frames his face, and you take note of his confident yet gentle demeanor. As you introduce yourself as Jessi’s sister, you step aside, creating room for him to enter the stall and assess Cinnamon more closely.

“I'll conduct a thorough examination, but at the moment, colic appears to be a likely diagnosis,” he mentions, retrieving a set of instruments from his toolbox. With precision, he begins scrutinizing Cinnamon, attentively listening to the rhythmic sounds of the horse's stomach through a stethoscope

“Hmm. Could you fetch that tube protruding from my bag?” He motions towards his toolbox, and you swiftly identify the requested tube, presenting it to him. “Appreciate it,” he responds with a grateful smile, his eyes reflecting a mixture of professionalism and warmth.

“Could you hold the tube for me? I need to step out to my car and retrieve a bag of fluids,” he entrusts you with the tube before swiftly heading outside, returning promptly with the life-saving liquid in hand.

“Appreciate it,” he acknowledges, reclaiming the tube from your hands and linking it to the translucent bag of vital fluid. Squatting down beside Cinnamon, he gently coaxes the horse's mouth open, inserting the tube into his throat. The sight is unsettling, prompting you to avert your gaze; it's too distressing to witness.

“The fluids will aid in rehydration,” Namjoon enlightens you, sensing your reluctance. 

“The tube is in; you can turn around now.” A soft laugh accompanies his words, prompting you to face the scene unfolding before you. Witnessing Cinnamon receiving the vital fluids is a reassuring sight, and you find a glimmer of hope in the expertise of the skilled veterinarian.

“I've administered some medication to help him relax and alleviate the stomach discomfort. You should be able to get him on his feet in a few minutes,” Namjoon explains, rising to his feet and offering you a reassuring smile. His confidence in the treatment plan eases your worry, and you feel a sense of gratitude for his expertise.

“Jessi never brought up having a sister until about a week ago, so your existence was a bit of a surprise,” Namjoon chuckles, casually leaning against the stall's wall.

“That's not entirely surprising. I left this place as a kid, and now I'm grappling with this unexpected inheritance that's become a puzzle I can't quite solve,” you admit, absently scratching the back of your head in a gesture of nervous uncertainty. It's not that Namjoon is making you uneasy; rather, it's the delicate balance of deciding how much of your story to unveil. Some cards, you’ve learned, are meant to be held close to your chest.

“You know, you could always stick around and build a life for yourself here with your sister,” he suggests, a contemplative smile playing on his lips.

“I've been thinking of heading back to the city... Things are a bit complicated around here,” you admit, reflecting on the numerous times you've stumbled and the strain it has put on your relationship with Jessi.

Without waiting for Namjoon's response, Cinnamon unexpectedly stirs, lifting his head with a renewed vitality. Rushing over, you grab his halter and gently coax him back onto his feet.

The tube slips from his mouth with a resonant clatter, and Cinnamon vigorously shakes his head, dispelling the fatigue that weighed on his robust frame. As he rises to stand firmly on all four legs, a wave of relief washes over you, reassuring you that he's on the path to recovery. You offer him a gentle pat, your touch a soothing affirmation of his regained strength.

“If you've got other matters to attend to, I can handle walking him around. My schedule is clear at the moment. I'll look after him until Jessi returns,” Namjoon suggests, securing a tow rope to Cinnamon's halter before leading him out for a stroll.

“Sure thing,” you respond, reflecting on Ha-rin in the kitchen, realizing she could probably use an extra hand. Expressing your gratitude, you head down to the house, relieved that Cinnamon appears to be on the mend.

Teaming up with Ha-rin, you dive into preparing tonight's dinner, savoring the lively conversation between you. A part of you acknowledges the inevitable longing for these moments once you return to the city. For now, you hold onto these cherished times with everyone on the ranch.

As the clock ticks towards dinner, and with no sign of your sister in sight, you notice Namjoon's car still parked by the barn. Determined, you make your way up there, ready to announce that dinner is served, extending an invitation to Namjoon to join if he wishes.

In the warm embrace of the lingering weather, you embark on a short walk towards the barn. The muffled voices of your sister and Namjoon greet your ears, growing more distinct as you draw near. As you gently push the barn door open, an unexpected sight unfolds before you—they share a tender kiss. 

Stunned, your mouth hangs agape, and instinctively, you retreat behind the barn door, veiling yourself in the shadows to avoid catching their attention.

Your decision to conceal yourself feels somewhat irrational. The sight of your sister engaging in a kiss is surprisingly jarring—perhaps it's the sheer unexpectedness. In your mind, you didn’t think she had a romantic bone in her body, and this revelation leaves you in a state of bewildered surprise.

You push open the barn doors, breaking the tender moment between your sister and Namjoon. A faint blush tints your cheeks as their gaze shifts to you. “Dinner's ready,” you announce, a casual invitation extended to Namjoon. Without waiting for their response, you swiftly retreat, your steps carrying you back down to the house.

The unexpected sight quickens your heart, a strange warmth flickering within. It's comforting to see your sister finding solace, someone to lean on as you prepare to depart. Reflecting on your own shortcomings, you realize you've been more of a burden than a support. But perhaps, in Namjoon, she's found a source of stability you couldn't provide.

The dinner unfolds seamlessly, with Namjoon proving to be delightful company. A subtle undercurrent of emotion lingers between him and your sister, evident in shared glances and unspoken words. Witnessing this connection stirs a surprising sense of joy within you, a genuine happiness for your sister.

“Thank you for calling Namjoon, when you saw that Cinnamon was sick,” Jessi's gratitude catches you off guard, her eyes expressing a tenderness you've rarely witnessed. It's a surreal moment, as if a different, softer version of your sister is speaking. She’s even thanking you. Is this moment real?

Namjoon's words carry a reassuring smile, his gaze fixed on you. “Thanks to your prompt call, Cinnamon will be back to his spirited self in just a few days.” His words accompany a gentle smile, his touch offering comfort as he playfully nudges Jessi's shoulder. 

At last, a glimmer of success amidst the string of mishaps. 

A warmth blooms within your chest, and a genuine smile graces your lips. It's a small victory, but in this moment, you revel in the relief of having played a part in something that didn't unravel under your touch.

As the sun shines high, casting a warm glow upon the barn, the rhythmic symphony of saddles being fastened and horses being prepped fills the air. You meticulously saddle up Marshmallow, your loyal companion, while Jessi tends to Cinnamon, who has thankfully bounced back from his bout of colic. In the background, Ara, Ha-rin, and Soo-ah bustle around, collecting saddles and bridles for their own equine companions. Each of their horses, with coats of varying browns, don distinctive stockings, that makes it easier to tell them apart.

“Are the guys meeting us here?” Curiosity colors your expression as you inquire about the guys, your gaze following Jessi's skilled hands as she readies Cinnamon. 

With the saddle securely in place and the bridle in hand, Jessi exudes confidence, her words carrying a definitive tone, promising the imminent arrival of the guys, “Yeah, they’ll be here at any moment.” Stepping out of the barn, she leads Cinnamon with purpose.

As you prepare to tack up Marshmallow, the task of fastening the girth on the saddle demands your attention. Yet, in the midst of the routine, Marshmallow stands patiently, a paragon of trust and reliability. With practiced ease, you secure the girth, appreciating the unwavering steadiness of your equine companion before moving on to put on the bridle.

While you meticulously attend to Marshmallow, the trio of Soo-ah, Ha-rin, and Ara prove to be swift in their preparations. The clatter of hooves signals their efficiency, and before you can lead Marshmallow out, they're already guiding their horses into the open, joining Jessi in the vibrant embrace of the outdoors.

After meticulously preparing Marshmallow, you guide him out of the barn to find the girls eagerly mounted on their horses, a scene brimming with anticipation. They sit poised, their eyes on you.

Gracefully mounting Marshmallow, you settle into the saddle with practiced ease, a seamless fusion of rider and horse. Alongside the girls, you wait for the guys to arrive.

On top of the hill, four men adorned with cowboy hats emerge as the charge down the hill with an effortless equestrian elegance. The rhythmic cadence of hooves makes your heart feel giddy with anticipation and you take a moment to appreciate how incredible they all look on horseback.

Jungkook commands a fiery red stallion, its thick mane billowing gracefully in the wind, embodying untamed vitality. Meanwhile, Jimin guides a sleek black horse, distinguished by elegant white stockings that accentuate its majestic presence. Trailing closely behind, Yoongi and Hoseok navigate their sturdy brown horses. 

As they approach, the undeniable allure of these men becomes even more apparent. Is everyone in the country just handsome?

However, it's Jimin's eyes that captivate you instantly—deep pools reflecting a passion that seems to run as profound as the countryside hills. The cowboy hat sits stylishly on his head, allowing strands of his blonde hair to playfully escape. His green checkered button-down shirt clings snugly to his well-defined torso, sleeves casually rolled up. The denim pants and boots bear the marks of hard work, adorned with the earthy traces of the ranch.

Jungkook dons a shirt that molds perfectly to his sculpted pectorals, paired with snug denim jeans and sturdy boots. Yoongi opts for a white tank top, showcasing his lean arms and defined biceps. Meanwhile, Hoseok sports a loose gray shirt that complements his easygoing style, paired effortlessly with denim pants.

“Hi,” resonates in unison from the group of guys as they approach you near the barn. A smile graces your lips, but your attention quickly shifts to your sister, fully aware that she's likely crafted a meticulous plan for the upcoming cattle drive.

“Nice of you to make it in time,” Jessi grunts, a small smile playing on her lips, punctuated by a chuckle.

“Someone had to spend an eternity getting ready,” Jungkook quips, rolling his eyes and nodding toward Jimin. He follows it with a nonchalant shrug, not bothering to deny it.

“What’s the plan, boss?” Hoseok asks, brimming with eagerness to get started. Jungkook scoffs beside him, “Boss? She’s not your boss– I am.”

Hoseok burst out in a beautiful, contagious laughter, echoing through the air and drawing a chuckle from you.

“Kook, just shut up,” Jessi laughs, her voice carrying a hint of playful exasperation. Then, she takes a deep breath, steadying her posture, “We'll move the cattle from the northeastern paddock to the one closest to the Bell Ranch.”

Amidst nods from everyone, Yoongi leans down, patting his horse's neck with a soothing touch that elicits a deep, resonant whine from the animal. “Anything else?” he asks, his voice a calm undercurrent in the anticipation-laden air.

Jessi's gaze sweeps across the group, her eyes meeting each one in turn. A stern but determined expression settles on her face. 

“This is a stress-free drive, so remember, no pushing the cattle!” Her words hang in the air, setting the tone for the upcoming task.

Jessi orchestrates the plan with precision, assigning roles to each member of the team. “Me and Soo-ah will take the front, Ha-rin, Hoseok, Kook, and you,” she points directly at you, “will cover the sides, and then Jimin, Yoongi, and Ara will handle the back of the herd.” Her directive gaze holds a sense of purpose, and a unanimous agreement ripples through the group.

“Let’s get going!” Jessi announces, her voice bubbling with excitement as she nudges Cinnamon into a spirited gallop. Eagerly, the rest of the group surges forward, and you, too, urge Marshmallow into a rhythmic canter, the rhythmic beat of hooves creating a lively symphony as the cattle drive begins.

To reach the north-eastern paddock, the journey takes you over rolling hills and through a small forest, where fallen trees create impromptu jumping courses. Jungkook, seizing every opportunity, guides his horse with finesse over the natural obstacles. Yoongi and Hoseok follow suit, while Soo-ah and your sister eagerly join in on the exhilarating equine adventures.

As the group revels in the joy of riding, laughter fills the air as they expertly guide their horses over logs and obstacles, showcasing their agility and camaraderie. Meanwhile, the rest of you opt for the smoother path, enjoying the less rugged terrain.

Amidst the playful antics of the group, you observe Jimin refraining from the lively jumping games. However, his infectious laughter resonates, and his eyes crinkle in mirth.

you sense his attentive gaze lingering on you as you ride, creating a flutter that dances in your stomach reminiscent of the last time you felt his eyes roam your body.

As you reach the paddock, Jessi gracefully maneuvers Cinnamon into position, opening the gate from atop his back. With a synchronized pace, you guide your horses through the entrance.

“Alright, everyone, let's find our positions. And keep in mind— stress-free!” Jessi's eyes pierce through the group, emphasizing the importance of a calm approach. 

The importance of a stress-free approach for better cattle sales echoes in your mind, a principle she insists upon even when the herd isn't up for sale yet. It's Jessi's commitment to consistency, and you brace yourselves for the task ahead, determined to maintain the calm demeanor required for a successful drive.

Jessi and Soo-ah kick their horses into a measured trot, leading the way towards the grazing cattle. The rhythmic beats of hooves on the ground set the tone for the impending drive, as you and the rest of the group follow, creating a unified force propelling towards the herd.

With precise coordination, Ha-rin and Hoseok elegantly flank the right side of the cattle, while you and Jungkook synchronize on the left. Together, you form an unyielding circle, ensuring the cattle remain contained within your guiding presence. Bringing up the rear, Jimin, Yoongi, and Ara stand as guardians, securing the boundaries of the moving cattle.

As you gradually set the cattle in motion, your horses step purposefully, nudging the herd forward with a deliberate yet gentle momentum. The realization dawns on you that this endeavor could stretch into hours at the current pace. A silent acknowledgment passes through your mind – a subtle premonition that your ass is going to hurt after this damn long cattle drive. Sigh. 

Adjusting yourself in the saddle, a subtle awareness creeps over you, when you feel a tingling sensation run through your body – the distinct sense of Jimin's eyes tracing your movements. Expectantly, you turn to meet his gaze, only to find his attention fixated on the cattle, his expression unreadable. 

The vast expanse of open land surrounds you, the lush green grass beneath your horse's hooves and the endless blue sky overhead create a beautiful image, like straight from a painting. Despite the scorching summer heat, you appreciate the breathability of your t-shirt, confident it shields you from overheating. 

Glancing at Jimin, clad in a button-down shirt, you can't help but wonder if he's feeling the heat, beads of sweat possibly forming beneath the fabric.

As the chatter of small groups fills the air, you and Jungkook maintain a contemplative silence, guiding the cattle towards Bell Ranch at a deliberate pace. The rhythmic hoofbeats and the collective murmur create a serene backdrop to your silent partnership, each of you immersed in your own thoughts as the herd moves forward.

Jungkook maneuvers his horse closer to yours, prompting a curious look from you. Leaning in, he turns his head in your direction and asks, “Are you alright?” His voice carries a genuine concern, and you find yourself captivated by the unexpected tenderness in his eyes.

His unexpected question catches you off guard, leaving you momentarily wide-eyed. A soft chuckle escapes him as you gather your thoughts. 

“I'm fine,” you assure him with a gentle smile, the warmth in your expression matching the pleasant day unfolding around you.

His words hang in the air, laced with a playful smile that reaches his eyes. “I've sensed a bit of avoidance on your end since the barn party,” he says, punctuating the statement with a wink and a teasing smirk.

Your words rush out, a mix of surprise and reassurance. “I really wasn't avoiding you,” you start, hoping to convey that any perceived avoidance was unintentional. 

“Are you hurt because you wanted a relationship with me?” His words, delivered with an air of casual curiosity, strike a chord within you. The nonchalant tone belies the complexity of the question. In the initial moments, a pang of hurt may have flickered, not due to a desire for a relationship, but from the lingering sense that there might have been more beneath the surface between you.

His unexpected question leaves you momentarily flabbergasted. “No, Jungkook. I've just heard a lot…” Your sentence hangs in the air, interrupted by his swift interjection, “That I fuck around a lot?” The weight of his reputation hangs in the air, injecting a charged energy into the conversation.

As you nod in acknowledgment, he erupts into laughter, exuding an undeniable sense of self-contentment. There's a certain admiration that sprouts within you, witnessing his unapologetic confidence.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly cut out for relationships. I just wanted to clear the air, make sure you weren’t expecting something more from me,” he grins, and you reciprocate with a smile of your own.

“I don’t, but I’d love to be friends with you?” His face lights up at your words, a radiant smile nearly outshining the sun. Laughter bubbles up from within you, a newfound lightness filling your chest now that you’ve cleared the air.

Just when you anticipate him riding away, he edges even closer, your horses nearly touching. “Actually,” he leans in, whispering in your ear, “I've noticed the way Jimin looks at you.” 

Your ears and cheeks blaze with heat, and your heartbeat quickens, as if a spark could set you ablaze at any moment. Has Jungkook truly sensed the simmering tension between his brother and you? While in conversation with Jungkook, the weight of chocolate brown eyes drilling into your back intensifies, a silent observer.

A nervous chuckle escapes you, blending with Jungkook's laughter beside you. “I've also noticed the way you look at him,” he adds, his eyes glinting with a playful understanding that hints at the unspoken connection between you and Jimin.

This revelation tightens the grip of anxiety around your chest, your heart threatening to burst forth. You believed your feelings were veiled in subtlety, yet Jungkook's revelation suggests otherwise. Your palms turn clammy as his warm breath grazes your ear, a sensation that sends electric shivers coursing through your entire body.

Jungkook straightens up on his horse, creating some distance that allows you to breathe more freely. However, his words hang in the air, echoing in your mind. “You should make a move,” he suggests casually. Yet, his words echo in your mind, almost making you choke on the fresh air, and your eyes widen. Does he really think you should make a move on Jimin— won’t that be weird?

An awkward chuckle escapes your lips as you voice the concern that's been gnawing at the edges of your thoughts. 

“I mean, he's your brother… Won’t that be weird?” The words stumble out, a bit disjointed, revealing the nervous energy that now dances between you and Jungkook. The admission of your attraction to Jimin hangs in the air, making the situation more delicate than ever.

His honest words wash over you, a tide of reassurance in a sea of uncertainty. “I don't think it's weird, at least not for me,” Jungkook confesses, and suddenly, the weight of apprehension begins to lift. His understanding response offers a newfound comfort, nudging you to consider the possibility of embracing your feelings for Jimin.

He leans back into you, his voice dropping into a conspiratorial whisper, “Also, he's looking at you now, practically undressing you with his eyes.” The words send a thrilling shiver down your spine, creating an electric surge inside your body and a charged atmosphere as you process the realization of Jimin’s lingering gaze.

You gulp, acutely aware of Jimin's lingering gaze that has been like a steady flame throughout the day, igniting a fire in your body that you're hesitant to stoke. Jungkook chuckles at your nervous reaction, and in that momentary distraction, you both fail to notice two cattle slipping away from your side.

“The cattle are out!” The urgency in Yoongi's shout pierces the air, and without a second thought, you and Jungkook kick your horses into a gallop, chasing after the errant cattle. Jimin swiftly takes your place at the side of the herd, seamlessly filling the gap left in your wake.

Side by side with Jungkook, you expertly corral the two stray cattle, seamlessly reintegrating them with the rest of the herd. Yet, a discerning glance from your sister reveals your momentary lapse in attention.

Her voice carries a hint of frustration as she scolds, “Didn't I emphasize a stress-free drive?” Her eyes reflect irritation as she shakes her head disapprovingly. Resuming your original positions with Jungkook, Jimin strides purposefully back to his spot at the rear of the herd.

Apologizing, you attempt to justify, “I'm sorry, but they were making a run for it…” However, Jessi isn't willing to accept your explanation.

Her frustration boils over, “You always mess things up—the feed, the tire, the gate, and now this!” With an exasperated exhale, she falls silent and resumes her position at the front of the group.

Your complexion drains of color, the weight of Jessi's accusations sinking in. Has she been keeping a tally of your every misstep? You're well aware of your frequent blunders, but Jessi's direct call-out stings. 

Gripping the reins tightly, you feel frustration coursing through your veins. With a deep breath, you fight to regain composure, not wanting to distress Marshmallow with your unsettled state.

“It’s okay,” Jungkook attempts to offer reassurance, but you're in no mood to accept it. The exhaustion of another setback on the cattle drive weighs heavily on you. “It's not okay,” you groan, a sense of deflation settling in. It seems like setbacks always find a way to plague you.

You pivot on Marshmallow, addressing Ara with urgency, “Ara, can we switch places?”

Ara offers you a gentle, reassuring smile, nodding in agreement as she guides her horse to your side. With a turn, you position Marshmallow at the back, now flanked by Jimin and Yoongi.

Frustration envelops the atmosphere at the back, and it's mostly yours. A silent tension lingers between you, Jimin, and Yoongi. It crosses your mind that they might be hesitant to engage in conversation, a realization that irritates you further.

“Just let it go,” Yoongi utters, his gaze fixed ahead, and for a moment, it's unclear if the advice is meant for you. Your retort comes swiftly, “Easy for you to say; you're not the one stumbling at every turn.” A frustrated exhale follows, tension thick in the air.

“He did in the beginning,” Jimin chimes in, a playful smile accompanying his laughter. Yoongi, rolling his eyes at Jimin’s jest, contributes, “I did. You learn from each and every one of your screw-ups.” 

“It's pointless,” you sigh, a heavy sense of defeat settling over you. It's time to call it quits.

Jimin visibly startles at your candid statement, a subtle flinch in his movements. The tension radiates through him, evident in the stiffening of his shoulders. Yoongi, wisely choosing silence, refrains from adding anything further, sensing it's not the moment to provoke.

The remainder of the drive proceeds with minor mishaps, and you successfully avoid major blunders in the back. However, upon reaching Bell Ranch, Jessi's dissatisfaction with your performance becomes glaringly apparent as she candidly expresses her discontent.

“I don’t want to get into it,” you share, burdened by your own errors and unwilling to hear your sister enumerate your shortcomings in ranch life. Surprisingly, she heeds your request, allowing you to brood in solitude while the others relish a well-deserved sip of water, celebrating the triumph of a fruitful cattle drive.

A somber cloud seems to loom over your head, making it challenging for you to partake in the joy and success radiating from the others.

“I’m going back to the ranch,” you announce to the group, their expressions registering surprise before they nod in acknowledgment. Striding purposefully, you make your way back to where Marshmallow is tethered to a post, swiftly mounting him. A gentle squeeze of your legs, and he bursts into a rapid gallop, carrying you away.

You surge over the undulating hills, the lush green grass beneath you, a cascade of dirt trailing in the wake of Marshmallow's swift strides. Granting him the freedom to unleash his energy, you, too, allow your emotions to unravel. This gallop, akin to the refreshing rain, brings a cleansing sensation, each stride lightening the burden on your mind.

As the ranch emerges on the horizon, you guide Marshmallow into a brisk trot, the anticipation building with each step. Upon reaching the barn, you meticulously strip away his gear, setting him free into the paddock alongside his equine companions, the sun casting a warm glow on the familiar surroundings.

Determined to shift your focus, you stride purposefully toward the main house, contemplating the idea of preparing a hearty dinner for the returning group. The uncertainty of their arrival lingers, but the thought of a satisfying meal upon their return fuels your motivation to create something special.

Seeking refuge in the kitchen, you throw yourself into the rhythm of meal preparation, attempting to drown out the echoes of your perceived failures. However, just as you find solace in the routine, a gentle pattering on the roof and windows interrupts your thoughts – the subtle arrival of rain. 

As you lose yourself in the culinary dance, time becomes elusive. When you finally lift your gaze from the bubbling pots, a captivating sight unfolds outside the kitchen window – the girls, drenched from the rain, riding back on horseback. The tantalizing aroma of dinner fills the air, and with their return, you hope to satisfy not only their hunger but also the unspoken cravings lingering in the rain-kissed atmosphere.

In a swift transition, they sweep into the house, their laughter mingling with the aroma of the rain outside. Together in the kitchen, a collaborative symphony ensues as you and the girls put the finishing touches on dinner, setting the table in the warm glow of the living room. Despite the subtle undercurrent of Jessi's irritation, you forge ahead, determined not to let it cast a shadow over the convivial atmosphere you're creating.

Amidst the shared warmth of the dinner table, Ha-rin expresses her gratitude, breaking into a chuckle that echoes the sentiment of relief. “Thank you for taking the reins in the kitchen,” she acknowledges, savoring the anticipation of a meal without the familiar duty of preparing it.

As you share a smile with Ha-rin, a peculiar tension lingers around the table, casting a shadow over the meal. Your appetite wanes, reduced to absentmindedly stabbing at the food on your plate.

“Why do you keep messing up?” Jessi's voice pierces the air, frustration palpable as her gaze locks onto you. The question hangs in the room, demanding an answer you're not sure how to provide. Honestly, the reasons behind your repeated slip-ups elude you, leaving a disconcerting silence in their wake.

You release a frustrated sigh, the weight of uncertainty pressing down on you. Clenching your hands in a bid to contain the brewing storm of emotions, you admit, “I... don't know.” 

The confession hangs in the air, a raw acknowledgment of your own confusion and struggle.

Jessi's frustration explodes, her voice cutting through the air like a sharp gust of wind. “I give you clear instructions, but you manage to mess it up every time!” 

Her words reverberate across the table, a storm of tension settling over the room, leaving the rest of the girls in hushed silence, their eyes darting between the two of you as the confrontation unfolds.

“I'm well aware that I mess things up, but damn it, I'm trying!” Your voice echoes with a mix of frustration and desperation, the words carrying a weight of both anger and a plea for understanding.

“If you can't handle it, then I don't want you here,” she declares with unwavering determination, and you find yourself gaping at her. The simmering anger within threatens to boil over, your hand involuntarily unclenching as the tension in the room tightens like a coiled spring.

“Maybe I should just leave then! Sell my share of the ranch,” you retort with a sharp edge, your heartbeat quickening as anger boils inside, transforming your thoughts into a seething red haze.

She scuffs, “Just go, but you’re never getting my signature.”

“I don’t need your signature. I consulted a lawyer, and he said I don’t need it,” you assert, crossing your arms firmly over your torso. 

Jessi's face turns pale at your revelation, and she hisses, “You wouldn’t dare!” 

She's fuming, but you don’t care. 

Unaware of the startled looks from the girls, Jessi has risen from her seat, poking her finger at you. “You wouldn’t dare,” she repeats, her voice seething with disbelief.

“I would,” you declare with unwavering certainty, rising from your seat across from your sister. The air crackles with tension as both of you yell at each other, and it feels like there's no turning back now.

Blinded by rage, you find yourself panting and seething, the room tainted with the color of your fury. The atmosphere becomes oppressive as Jessi slams her hands down onto the table, her words cutting through the air like venom. “I don't want you here. Get the fuck out, and I mean it this time,” she commands, each word carrying the weight of finality, stinging and lingering in the charged silence that follows.

“FINE,” you hiss, your hands clenched in frustration, a turbulent storm of emotions swirling within. It's a bitter realization that this place isn't for you, that your sister neither wants nor needs your presence. With a resigned exhale, you retreat from the table, striding out of the dining room and into the solitude of your guest room, the weight of rejection settling heavily on your shoulders.

You yank open your bags, tearing the closet apart to gather your belongings. The relentless rain pelts against the windows, mirroring the storm of emotions inside you. Frustration wells up within you, and as you navigate the room to collect your scattered belongings, the blur of tears makes it challenging to see. 

Damn it. 

This wasn't the outcome you anticipated.

You never quite found your place here, and perhaps you never truly belonged. Uncertainty engulfs you, a whirlwind of thoughts storming within your mind. Yet, now you're bound for the city. Your heart tightens at the prospect of returning, leaving behind a place that, against all odds, had grown dear to you.

But in the grand scheme of it all, none of it holds significance now. You hastily cram the remaining belongings into your bags and sling them over your shoulders. Your initial packing was minimal, and your city friend's contributions were modest, a reflection of the short-lived stay you had anticipated from the beginning.

A heavy sigh escapes you as you exit the guest room, traversing through the familiar dining room. Pausing in the doorway, you let the weight of the moment settle, and with a resigned tone, you utter, “I suppose this is our farewell.”

Ara, Soo-ah, and Ha-rin bid you a somber farewell, their eyes reflecting sadness, but as you turn to face Jessi, her gaze remains stubbornly averted. The palpable tension weighs on you, causing your shoulders to slump in defeat. With a heavy heart, you step outside, making your way to your parked car.

As the rain continues to cascade around you, you disregard the wetness, traversing the distance from the main house to your car. The downpour soaks you thoroughly as you hurriedly stow your bags in the vehicle. Seated inside, a poignant moment unfolds, mirroring the tears glistening in your eyes with the relentless rain outside.

With a heart weighed down by the burdens of departure, you insert the key into the ignition, the mechanical click echoing the emotional weight within. As the engine hums to life, it serves as a reluctant melody to the bittersweet symphony of leaving.

An unsettling sense of déjà vu envelops you as you bid farewell to this familiar haven for the second time. Yet, this departure bears the weight of your own volition, amplifying the melancholy that lingers in the air. 

Regret creeps in, leaving a bitter aftertaste as you press down on the gas, steering the car away from what you once called home, now fading into the rearview mirror.

Author’s note(2): Thank you so much for reading! 🌸 I would very much appreciate it if you reblogged the chapter, if you liked it ✨ A small review or a comment would also mean a lot to me, and even a like. But please, don’t be afraid to let me know what you think; your kind words makes me extremely happy 💜 I’m not really feeling very well at the moment. I’m very depressed and I was even hospitalized last week because of trigger warning suicidal thoughts… anyway. I’m struggling, but I enjoy writing this, and I’m gonna see it to the end, even though I feel very disheartened by the notes (I really shouldn’t look, but I’m only human, lol. And I’m comparing it to my other works, not other’s because that can get dangerous real fast!). But anyway. Writing is therapeutic for me, but posting seems to be the hurdle for me now… so I’m thinking— only thinking, that this story might be the last one that I post. I don’t know yet. Just a thought. Anyway. I’m very happy to have some lovely friends here— thank you guys! You already know who you are 🫶✨

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[tsumuus]

the bachelorette | chaper three; dinner date °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

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The evening had arrived, and you were excited for your one-on-one date with Akaashi. The day had been filled with anticipation, and you were eager to explore the connection you felt during the group date.

As the sun began to set, the sky painted in hues of pink and orange, you found yourself in a luxurious, dimly lit restaurant. The ambiance was intimate, with soft music playing in the background and candles flickering on the tables. Akaashi, dressed in a well-tailored suit, greeted you with a warm smile.

"Keiji," you said, smiling back as you took your seat. "This place is beautiful."

"I'm glad you think so," Akaashi replied, his eyes reflecting genuine warmth. "I wanted tonight to be special."

The two of you started with a light appetizer, and as the conversation flowed, you found yourself genuinely enjoying Akaashi's company. His calm demeanor and thoughtful responses created a relaxed atmosphere.

“So, Keiji,” you began, glancing at the menu, “what’s your idea of the perfect evening?”

Akaashi looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’d say it’s a mix of good food, meaningful conversation, and great company. It’s the little things that make an evening special, don’t you think?”

You smiled, feeling a connection. “I couldn’t agree more. So far, I think we’re on the right track.”

As the evening progressed, the conversation flowed effortlessly. Akaashi’s insightful responses and thoughtful questions revealed his depth of character. 

"So, Keiji," you began, "what's something people might not know about you just from first impressions?"

Akaashi chuckled softly. "I think people might see me as reserved, but I have a quirky side that I usually keep hidden. I’m a huge fan of classic literature, and I have a collection of rare books that I’m quite proud of."

"That’s really interesting," you said, leaning in. "What draws you to classic literature?"

Akaashi’s eyes lit up as he spoke. "I love how timeless the themes are. Despite being written centuries ago, the emotions and experiences are still so relatable. It’s like having a conversation with the past."

You nodded, appreciating his passion. "That makes sense. I’ve always admired people who can find meaning in the classics."

As the evening progressed, you shared more about yourselves. Akaashi talked about his love for photography and how it allowed him to capture fleeting moments. You learned about his close-knit family and how they supported his dreams.

In return, you opened up about your own interests and experiences. The conversation flowed effortlessly, filled with laughter and genuine curiosity. Akaashi’s ability to listen and engage in meaningful dialogue made the date feel effortless.

Back at the main house, the remaining contestants gathered in the living room. The atmosphere was relaxed, with everyone lounging on couches and chatting about their day. The conversation eventually turned to you, and the men began sharing their thoughts and feelings.

“I’m curious,” Bokuto started, leaning forward, “what does everyone really think about yn? I mean, aside from the obvious.”

Kuroo chuckled. “Well, for one, I think yn is incredibly down-to-earth. It’s refreshing to meet someone who’s so genuine and approachable.”

Semi nodded in agreement. “I’ve noticed that too. There’s something really special about how yn interacts with each of us. It’s like she truly wants to get to know us.”

Atsumu, who had been quiet for most of the conversation, added, “I agree with that. yn’s got this way of making everyone feel at ease. It’s kind of rare, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely,” Oikawa chimed in, his usual confidence evident. “I’ve seen how she interacts with each of us, and there’s definitely a genuine interest there. It’s refreshing to see someone who’s truly invested in getting to know all of us.”

Sakusa, who had been relatively quiet, spoke up. “I think yn has this natural ability to make people feel comfortable. It’s not something you come across every day. I can definitely see a potential future with her if things continue to go well.”

Iwaizumi agreed, adding, “She’s got a great sense of humor and a positive outlook. It’s easy to see why she’s a fan favorite. But I also feel like she’s someone who genuinely wants a meaningful relationship, not just a flashy romance.”

Tsukishima, who had been listening intently, finally spoke. “I think it’s her authenticity that stands out. She seems like someone who’s genuine and real, which is something I really appreciate.”

The conversation continued, with each contestant sharing their perspectives on why they were there and their thoughts on you. There was a mix of admiration, excitement, and vulnerability as they discussed their feelings and their hopes for the future.

“Well, I’m here because I genuinely want to find someone special,” Suna said. “yn seems like someone who could bring out the best in me, and that’s something I’m really looking for.”

Sugawara nodded. “I agree. There’s something about yn that makes you want to be your best self. I can definitely see a lasting relationship if we continue to connect on this level.”

As the night wore on, the atmosphere grew more contemplative. The contestants reflected on their experiences and their hopes for the rose ceremony that was fast approaching.

Back at the rooftop restaurant, you and Keiji had said your goodbyes, and you returned to the house with a sense of anticipation. The evening had been both enlightening and enjoyable, and you were eager to see how the connections would continue to develop.

As the contestants gathered for the upcoming rose ceremony, you felt the weight of your decisions. Each man had shown a different side of themselves, and you were prepared to make the difficult choices necessary to find the connection you were searching for.

(vote for whoever you'd like to keep safe, a rose will not be given to three guys this round)

taglist:

@yvqip  @hyenagoated  @wakashudou  @twinklingmelon  @dazqa  @cosmiicdust  @oqqti  @keikokashi  @jojo23allegra  @jaynawayna  @staarism

[quirkwizard]

You haven't gotten a lot of Non Quirk questions in a while, so I wanted to send one that I think would be fun. What do you think would be the favorite anime/series of each 1-A Character? I know Tokoyami would be a Jujutsu Kaisen fan, but the rest I'm not sure.

Can I just say how much I enjoy questions like these? It's always really fun to get questions unrelated to Quirks, especially more light hearted, character focused questions like these. I appreciate you sending this in and encourage more non-Quirk related questions. That aside, I will expand this to include manga as well. There are some choices on here that I think are perfect, but I know that certain animes aren't the best adaptation.

Sato: Food Wars. Maybe Toriko if you want something more on brand with him. I would say more about it, but that would imply there is anything deeper to read into with Sato.

Koda: Pokémon. There really isn't anything complicated about this choice. Just a fun, lighthearted series with wonderous creatures under the main character's control.

Mineta: Without question, it's Kill La Kill. He's actually one of the few people who are able to read into it on a deeper level and what it's trying to say but nobody believes him.

Denki: I don't know, Seven Deadly Sins? Kaminari just seems like he would be the most basic, go with whatever's is the most popular kind of fan, never really commiting to anything for too long.

Tsuyu: I think she would be into cute and happy series. Something light and fun that puts a smile on your face and could enjoy with other people around. Think something like Spy x Family.

Sero: Maybe Steins' Gate? He's on the same level as Denki, but it's usually more along with critics are going with then general audiences and at least takes some time to think about it.

Ojiro: Pretty much any heavily technical fighting anime, like Hajime no Ippo, but has a special place in his heart for Dragon Ball Z. Who knew that a martial artist with a tail would hit a chord with Ojiro?

Hagakure: I think her being into Sailor Moon would make sense. Something fun and flashy. I could easily see her using her reflective powers to do the whole Moon Prisim Power thing.

Aoyama: I could see him being kind of anime snob, being more interested in really old animes like Revolutionary Girl Utena or Rose of Versailles. Just something really pretty looking for his Bishonen soul.

Mina: Again, another character like Denki, but instead of focusing on shonen, she's more into whatever is popular with rom coms or slice of life, like Don't Bully Me Nagatoro or Dress Up My Darling.

Jiro: I honestly see her being more pulled towards the soundtrack of an anime rather then it's content. Though I do think she'd be interested in Cowboy Bebop with it's general "cool" feeling to it.

Tokoyami: He certainly seems like the guy that would be into the whatever edgy anime flavor of the month. First Death Note, then Tokyo Ghoul, and most recently Jujutsu Kiasen.

Shoji: He'd be into the Berserk manga. Just one of that people that reads super mess up stuff and is one of the chilliest people around. The only time he gets angry is when you mention any of the adaptations.

Kirishima: His favorite would be Gurren Lagann and there is nothing you can do to change my mind. It's just too perfect. That being said, if you want to pick something more ongoing, I'd say Jojo's Bizarre Adventure for obvious reasons.

Uraraka: I think she'd be into One Piece. I'm not sure why exactly I picked that out, I just think that she would like it. Maybe it's the mix of good, light heart adventures, lots of action and heart renching movement that makes me think she'd like it.

Tenya: Pretty much anything related to Gundam. I could see him being into the mechanics of the robots and the amount of stragy involved in the fights. Out of all of them though, his favorite would be the objectively best Gundam series: G Gundam.

Bakugou: Bakugou is both sides of the deep Naruto fan coin. He's simultaneously the guy that's actually reading into it and understanding what's it's saying, but also the obnoxious dude bro that talks about it like it's the greatest manga ever without question.

Shoto: It was honestly really hard to think of anything for him. He just doesn't seem like the kind of that would be into it. I was tempted on Fire Force for a joke, but I like the choice of Fruits Basket better. I feel like the complications of family and bonds would speak to him.

Momo: I was tempted to go with Doctor Stone, but I had to go with Fullmetal Alchemist. She's definitely one of those people who slaves over all the little details and themes in whatever she is watch, her face glowing as she talks about Elric's character and journey.

Izuku: I really wanted to pick One Punch Man for obvious reasons, but I think he'd be more pulled towards Hunter x Hunter. I think he'd especially be interested in the power system that's one of the few in all of manga that doesn't have to do with whatever you're born with.

[rabbiitte]

Character analysis #2

Ray's Self-Destructive Spiral: Unveiling the Repetition Compulsion.

We previously talked about how Mew can be associated with the idea of "control", today we'll talk about how Ray can be associated with the idea of "repetition". Specially, Ray can be associated to the idea of repetition of traumatic experiences. But “Why would anyone want to repeat a traumatic experience?”, you may ask. I've been asking myself that question since EP2, since that episode contains the bases and fundamentals to understand two of the most complex characters in the series: Top and Ray. However, today we'll concentrate on Ray and his tendency to repeat self-destructive patterns rooted in his mother's death. I'll share with you my study about the repetition compulsion concept within Freud's psychoanalytic theory and how it can be related to Ray. We'll also address the concepts of acting out and transference. This is going to be extensive, but if you are interested, keep reading and join me as I delve into Ray's intricacies!

1. Unearthing the Patterns: Ray's Repetition Compulsion.

We all go back to doing what gives us pleasure. It could be something like watching a movie that makes us happy or something deeper. Do you remember when we talked about Top's need to be rewarded? This repetitive behavior of constantly asking for rewards obeys the need to be recognized and appreciated. When we are rewarded (we get the reward itself but also) we know we did things right and feel appreciated, which provokes pleasure. According to Freud, when we repeat actions/situations/patterns that give us pleasure, the repetition is positive and when we repeat actions/situations/patterns that don't give us pleasure, the repetition is pathological. In the series, pathological repetition can be seen reflected through Ray.

I think the vast majority will agree that Ray's alcoholism takes a new meaning after learning that his mother died from alcohol consumption (and perhaps due to other substances too). Why does Ray repeat his mother's alcoholism if he knows that it led to her death? Why do parents repeat the unhealthy patterns they experienced when they were children? Why an individual tends to choose friends who mistreat him/her after being mistreated? According to the psychoanalytic theory, this is due to the repetition compulsion.

Repetition compulsion: The repetition compulsion is a psychological concept introduced by Sigmund Freud. It refers to a person's tendency to unconsciously repeat past experiences, often traumatic or distressing ones, in their present behaviour or relationships. This repetition can occur despite the individual's awareness that it may not be in their best interest. Freud believed that this compulsion stemmed from an innate drive to master or resolve unresolved issues from the past, even if doing so is painful or self-destructive. The repetition compulsion can influence various aspects of a person's life, including relationships, choices and reactions, often leading to patterns of behaviour that seem illogical or counterproductive.

As stated, the repetition compulsion includes both positive and negative patterns of behaviour. But, when an individual unconsciously reenact harmful or destructive patterns from their past and these repetitions result in negative or harmful outcomes, we're talking about destructive repetition.

Destructive repetition: refers to the repetition of harmful or self-destructive behaviours. This can include self-harm, substance abuse, or engaging in relationships with patterns of emotional or physical abuse. Destructive repetition often reflects unresolved psychological issues and can be an attempt to gain control or find meaning in past experiences.

That's why parents repeat their parents' parenting patterns, to gain control over the traumatic experience. That's why an individual will unconsciously choose friends who mistreat him/her, to gain control over the traumatic experience. And that's why Ray repeats his mother's addiction/s, to gain control over the traumatic experience. Ray's choice to engage in alcohol consumption despite its destructive consequences mirrors the destructive patterns associated with his mother's death. In other words, Ray may be unconsciously repeating the addiction his mother experienced to try to make sense of her death, in a context where he feels a false sense of control over his own alcoholism.

In addition to being a case of destructive repetition compulsion, Ray's repetition could fall into the following categories:

Repetition of Traumatic Events: Individuals may unconsciously recreate or reenact traumatic events from their past in an attempt to master or make sense of them.

Repetition of Self-Sabotage: Some individuals repeatedly engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as substance abuse or destructive habits, despite knowing the negative consequences.

Repetition of Childhood Experiences: People may unconsciously repeat patterns or dynamics from their childhood within their adult lives.

Based on the scene of EP4, in which Ray asks Mew if he thinks he'll end up like his mother, I'd say there's a chance Ray is aware of his destructive patterns of behaviour. He has the self-awareness but he doesn't have the will to change. Perhaps because he thinks he deserves it? However, it seems that Ray is still trying to understand and gain control (it's interesting how we always come back to this idea) about his mother's death. At the same time, he seems to be also interested in discovering his role or influence on it.

2. Ray's Inner Turmoil: Acting Out and Suicide Attempt.

The nonverbal way in which the destructive repetition compulsion manifests itself is through acting out.

Acting out: refers to the expression of emotions or internal conflicts through impulsive and disruptive actions rather than expressing them verbally. It can manifest itself in behaviours such as tantrums, defiant behaviour, verbal or physical aggression, or even self-destructive behaviours. "Acting out" is often an attempt to communicate emotional needs that are difficult to put into words, but it manifests itself in disorganized and disruptive ways.

With this in mind, in the opening scene of EP4, the "acting out" would be Ray's impulsive and disruptive action of taking an overdose of pills, which is a self-destructive attempt and a way of expressing his emotional conflicts in a non-verbal way. In that time period, Ray might have been struggling to express his need for affection and his feeling of loneliness, prompting him to act self-destructively. Had he died, he would have died in the same way his mother died: consuming alcohol and drugs.

The moment of acting out shouldn't be confused with the nervous breakdown Ray suffered. Acting out is related to the presence of disruptive behaviours in a nonverbal way as a form of expression of internal conflicts. While the nervous breakdown (in this case, it happens after the acting out moment) is characterized by:

Uncontrollable crying: the person may cry intensely and for a long time without being able to stop.

Feeling of despair: the person may feel overwhelmed by sadness, fear or anxiety, and may think that there isn't a solution to problems.

Loss of emotional control: a person may experience a feeling of emotional lack of control and feel that the emotions are out of reach.

Isolation: The person may withdraw from others and seek solitude as a way to cope with the crisis.

Expression of negative thoughts: the person may express negative thoughts about themselves, such as feeling worthless or guilty.

(a nervous breakdown may include physical symptoms too but only the visible symptoms present in Ray's scene were shared).

This is Ray's way of manifesting his inner conflicts based on unresolved traumatic experiences through destructive behaviour.

3. Ray's Unresolved Emotions: The Impact of Transferential Patterns on Romantic Choices.

Let's keep talking about EP4, but this time focusing on Mew's importance (because it's impossible to talk about Ray without talking about Mew) and this line: “she never hugged me like this, you know?”. According to Ray, in this scene, Mew provided him with something his mom didn't: affection. However, Mew didn't provide that solely in this scene. Mew provides affection, comfort, support, security and discipline on a regular basis to Ray (even today).

These features are typically associated with a mother figure and, as we explained in Mew's analysis, these are features that Mew has. Here the idea of “Ray isn't in love with Mew, he's in love with the idea of Mew” becomes relevant because everything suggests that Ray could be projecting onto Mew the caregiver and support figure role he didn't have in his relationship with his mother. But guess what? Sand also possesses these characteristics.

So it's no accident that Ray becomes romantically involved with the only two people who can provide him with what his mother couldn't, it's a pattern.

This could be Ray's way to look into adult relationships for what may have been missing in his relationship with his mother during childhood. This kind of search for relationships that fill emotional voids from the past is a common element in the transference theory in psychoanalysis.

Transference: refers to the reactivation and projection of unconscious feelings, desires and attitudes towards an authority figure or significant person in an individual's life. This often occurs when an individual develops strong feelings, positive or negative, toward their therapist or significant person, which are actually related to important figures from their past, such as parents, siblings, or significant others.

It's possible that Ray, with time and personal work, may come to terms with the fact that his unmet needs are, in fact, unmet needs. This would be an important step towards emotional maturation.

The emotional maturation process involves recognizing and addressing past emotional wounds, learning how to healthily meet emotional needs, and developing more balanced and fulfilling relationships. This may require therapy, self-reflection, and self-work. Each person has their own rhythm in this process, but awareness and the desire for change are positive steps towards emotional maturity.

However, as long as Ray doesn't stop projecting his unconscious feelings onto his partners, he may continue to experience difficulties in his relationships. Ray's relationships may be threatened by instability and unhealthy attitudes (like codependency) as a result of expectations and unresolved needs that can be difficult to fully satisfy through partners.

It's possible to interpret that Ray is trapped in behavioural and emotional patterns that reflect unresolved wounds from his childhood. His constant search for mother figures in his romantic interests and the repetition of these patterns could indicate that he's struggling to overcome his childhood trauma and feels trapped in his emotional childhood. It's as if Ray is frozen in time, still searching for answers about his mother's death and the affection he lacked as a child.

If you liked this analysis and want to read more, click here to read Mew's analysis.

[wordsarelife]

hiii !!! i really love your writing style, and i'm just obsessed with your account in general, i'm just wondering how you started writing?? any tips for beginners? i'm trying to start writing more, but i can't think of a scenario, or i get stuck at some point. any help is appreciated 😭 thank you !!! mwah !! 🫶🏻

hello my love, please excuse my late answer. first, thank you so much for the compliments, you're the sweetest!!! i've been writing basically all my life and i think whats most important for writing is inspiration. i spent so many years reading fanfiction and thinking about topics i would like to read about, just to notice that no one had written them yet so i tried to fill that space myself, with a lot of failing lmao.. but at some point i realized that it's just as fun to write as it is to read other people's stuff.

when i start to write something, i always make sure i'm passionate about the project. i start by imagining scenes that i would love to read about myself, decide on a taylor song i want to use, which does generate even more inspiration and search pinterest for aesthetics and more insparation.

i know what it's like getting stuck while writing (ask the thousand unfinished wips of books i tried to write), but sometimes i try to just write anything, even if its rubbish at first, at least you wrote a few more words.

or just think about the least expectable answer to a simple question and keep in mind that every answer reflect your characters personality. if you let your character answer something unexpectably it might turn the conversation into a different direction. and different is good, it's fun and sometimes you just feel what could be right for the story, without knowing it before. but if you need help to come up with a concept, try to look at blogs on here, who provide prompts or funny quotes to start your story off on.

one of my favorite creators is @creativepromptsforwriting (she also has great tips for writing, far better than any i could give you)

and just to emphasize what i said before, i'm going to show you what i mean by wiriting a little scene between theo and pixie from my series don't blame me:

example quote: you look good

so, to accurately write this scene, you should think about your characters personality, but also the relationship between them.

so it could be like this:

theo: you look good

pixie: thank you

and that would be it. but this conversation doesn't fit either their personality nor their relationship, and a great plus is also that it would be a longer interaction if you let them react differently:

theo: you look good

pixie: what are you trying to do right now?

theo: i don't know, genius, maybe compliment you?

pixie: well, don't expect to get one back, i wouldn't want to inflate your ego any further

theo: aren't you just a ray of sunshine...

pixie: complementing me again huh?

theo: sure...

so this is what i would come up with on the spot and i hope i could help you a bit, but this is mostly what i do when i write and then i just keep writing honestly. what i can tell you is that it will be easier the more you write, you get a feeling for it eventually. so in simpler terms: don't stress too much for perfection (had to learn that the hard way) just write and see what happens and just keep in mind that any word you write will help you to get better at writing, so nothing has to be perfect from the get go. i mean, has anyone ever sat down at a piano and just started playing?

good luck on your journey, i wish you all the fun at writing!!! ❤️

[lej222]

hiii i'm a new fan of aslfua and also recently discovered ur tumblr! i appreciate ur analysis and insight so much because it's made me enjoy alsfua so much more and ur brain is so smart to connect all these references 😭😭 i'm curious, what is the ending that u hope for aslfua/mi-ae? :)

Hi!🙂 I'm trying my best thank you so much for the kind words❤️❤️❤️ Even though I might be totally wrong, it's fun to find those little clues😁

This is such a good question, and I will include spoilers from the latest Episode on Naver (155) to tell my opinion.🙂

So I've said this before, but I mainly started reading this series for nostalgia and because I used to work in education. For these reasons, I always viewed it as a growth story about kids whose biggest narrative role is to mature and learn throughout the story. I think so far some characters have had great character arcs that showcase this, like Cheol, Johan, or even Honggyu. In my head, their narratives are almost completed because they have changed a lot and matured - you can clearly see they were very different at the start of the story.

For Miae, I want to see a similar journey. Miae is still pretty much immature and she keeps running away from/ignoring problems that would destroy her "dream" world that she lives in. She has unrealistic expectations about life and doesn't grasp the seriousness of certain situations, or why she has to be responsible for her own actions. I think I've also mentioned this before, but Miae's biggest "teacher" seems to be Jisu just like how Miae was Cheol's. By hanging around with Jisu, Miae needs to be reliable, patient and understanding, but most importantly- Miae cannot run away from her problems because Jisu calls her out for it. Every time Miae tries to act like a kid, Jisu, who is a naturally blunt person points out her behaviour and becomes her voice of reason. Like when she tried to interrupt the confession or how she wants to keep secrets from everyone as to keep peace with her friends, basically she's avoiding conflicts. Miae reflects on Jisu's words because he treats her as someone of the same age, while others just accept her sometimes irrational behaviour which doesn't help her to change. Miae has to be super honest about her feelings and intentions when she's with Jisu because that's the only way he understands her intentions. Just like she has to be honest about his behaviour so Jisu can see when he's being too much/oversteps boundaries. So in the upcoming episodes I really want Miae to realize that Jisu is also a human being with emotions and she's actually hurting his feelings by not telling anyone they're friends and she enjoys his company. Or that she should stop hitting him/ruining his clothes and listen to what he says about himself.

Speaking of this, I hope that Miae and Cheol's relationship becomes healthier regardless of the outcome. It's sad to see that Miae has to keep being Jisu's friend a secret because Cheol is annoyed with him. In a relationship, communication is the key and Cheol and Miae struggle with it. When one of them is closed off, they keep following and cornering each other instead of giving time, and it only leads to misunderstandings. They keep avoiding talking about the status of their relationship because of their pride and Miae's expectations about dating are so naive I just cannot imagine them dating in the close future. Plus I also think Miae relies on Cheol to take responsibility for her and solve her problems, like when she wanted to call him to make peace between her friends. And not surprisingly, it was Jisu who showed up and called out her behaviour, which makes me think Miae will have to solve her own problems. So I hope all of these things will be resolved without other characters getting hurt, like Jisu.

And lastly, I really want Miae to realize her mother is coming from a good place. Because even though she's strict, she only wants the best for her daughter. I want to have one scene where Miae has a serious conversation with her and they both open up to each other. It's been theorized that Jisu doesn't have a good relationship with his father, so it might be the push for Miae's realization because both her and Cheol come from loving families. And Miae takes a lot of things for granted, that's why she keeps dodging responsibility. And she's a kid, so it's understandable, but if other characters have matured significantly, Miae should also be more mature by the end. She will go to high school and most likely very few of her friends will attend the same school, so she has to learn to let things go and accept negative experiences. Like the narrator pointed out, there are certain circumstances one cannot get over with sheer willpower because they happen anyway. So my final thoughts are that I want to have a closure that doesn't leave these kids with regrets, but rather when they look back on these years, they will think of them as fond memories.🙂

[chdarling]

Hello CH.  I’ve not contacted an author before and I don’t know Tumblr all that well, so I don’t know if you’re actually going to see this.  But if you do…I was disheartened reading your post about how some were being unkind.  I wanted to contribute to the positive voices you hear, and hopefully outweigh any negativity.

I’m not a writer (grammar, sentence structure…what?), please bear with me.

I just wanted you to know how much The Last Enemy project means to me and how much I appreciate you.  I stumbled onto The Howling Nights about the same time that I had a health scare.  I had four or five months of talking to doctors, tests, and waiting for results.  A surgery.  Lots of stress and worry. Reading your fic played a huge part in me getting through that with a lot less stress and fewer tears.  I cannot begin to express how much your writing meant to me during that time. I could just fall into your world and put mine on pause for a bit.  

It’s just so easy to fall into the world you made. The Last Enemy is just so beautifully thought out and written.  I’ve seen it expressed more masterfully by others when you respond to them on Tumblr so I just have to echo a few points already made.  I love the different flavors of each chapter depending on which character’s POV it is.  There’s a different tone and manner of thinking for each character.  I can only imagine how much planning, character analysis, and time went into thinking about each event from multiple POVs to explore how it should be told.  I love all the small details that you (probably) agonize about; it makes a world of difference in continuity.  I love how we’re inserted at one point in time, and we learn about the past from someone’s point of view.  Like here’s Lily, a Muggleborn thrust into a new world and learning about wizarding politics/history through Dearborn and Dorcas’s bookstore.  We can see the pendulum of wizarding politics and culture and the effect it has on Hogwarts; for example, students eschewing Muggle clothing as a reflection of the current political leanings(Welcome to the backlash, baby!). I love how you’ve even brought in unconscious biases (Sirius - The Whisper of Trees), which is such a subtle but important detail in prejudice and breaking out of it.  And the relationships set within this context!  Lily thinking James acted the way he did because of blood purity.  James realizing that Lily went through so much more than he initially thought because she’s a Muggleborn girl and you know how these muggle girls are. The Muggleborn group! James teaching Quidditch because that’s the only thing he can do right now to fix something. Okay, I’m just rambling now, so I’ll be shorter.  Lily and Severus’s relationship…just so twisted.  Remus and Sirius - so much there. How James and Sirius confront Lily about Remus to protect him; aw. Lily’s “medicine” for Remus…I can’t even.  There’s so much more about your writing that I admire; I just can’t keep going or this will take forever to read.

I don’t even know how many times I’ve re-read the series, but there is always some new nugget I’m finding or some connection I’m making.  I also joined Tumblr because you were on it.  When you answer a question someone has or a reader points out something I missed, I have to go back and read it again.  It’s so much fun.  Whenever I start reading the series again, it’s like talking to an old friend. On a side note, I’ve also found a ton of new authors through Tumblr.  I wouldn’t have found them without you.

Ramble ramble.  Okay.

I’m always super exciting when I see that you’ve posted a new chapter.  Of course I am.  I sincerely hope you finish the whole series.  Of course I do.  And I will read every word and probably re-read more times than I can count.  But I’m happy knowing that it’s something you’re happy with and it’s what you want to post.  No matter the length of time between updates.  You exist beyond the keyboard.  You have a life. Rational people know that.  Also, I’ve been through grad school…it’s a lot.  Yikes. That you’re creating this series during grad school…um, how?

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the time and effort you’ve put into this and for sharing with us. Lots of love.

This made me rather teary (in a nice way!) 🥹

Thank you so so much for taking the time to send such a kind and supportive message. It truly means a lot to me. And I’m so sorry to hear about your health scare and all the stress from that. I hope you’re doing better now. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[folkloriansolitairian]

hyper-analyzing and looking too deeply into ben hopes final scene in heartstopper season 2

so i think it’s needless to say that ben hope is a terrible human and everyone hates him (at least i would hope so), but after rewatching heartstopper more times than i’d like to admit, i’ve discovered how multi dimensional and complex of a character ben is, and how much there is to analyze in his scenes this season. so it’s deep dive time! buckle up mother fuckers this will take me a minute.

so basically this is bens final scene in both the season and show as a whole, when he goes to elle’s art exhibition and gives a lousy attempt at apologizing to charlie. first and foremost i want to say how JOYOUS it makes me that alice and the writers didn’t take the easy way out and hand him a impactless redemption arc on a silver platter. i loved to see charlie’s response to bens apology and charlie basically saying “that’s nice you want to be a decent human but i don’t want to be there to see that happen” that was amazing!!! a common thing i see in media, especially with queer storylines is that a character does something to hurt another queer character, and they just accept their apology no questions asked, which is super belittling to the character and the community it’s representing in the show. i really appreciate that ben maintained the asshole image he’s had the entire series, no strings attached

on the topic of this scene, the rainbow wave coming from lamberts doors after nick and charlie walk away from ben has so much meaning and foreshadowing that needs to be talked about more. so the first layer meaning of this scene is that the queer community is welcoming him and this is his invitation to join them and begin his journey in finding comfort in his sexuality and accepting himself and becoming a better person, and since you, the viewer, hates this character SO much you’re thinking come on, just walk in and accept the warm and comforting embrace of the community. there’s other people just like you in there! you as the viewer know that there’s a community there notorious for their abundant acceptance that could help him embark on his journey of self discovery and acceptance, is he would just reach out and accept it, but he doesn’t. and even though you have such a deep, burning hatred for this character, it still breaks your heart a little to see him walk away. this shows that he will never be able to accept himself for who he is, and that this will always be apart of him that he will never be able to express.

this scene also has parallels to nick and charlie’s relationship. the rainbow at bens feet is reflective of a wave at the ocean, which nods back to nick and charlie’s beach date at the end of season 1. ben walking away from this symbolizes the fact that accepting himself and the queer community would also open the opportunity to experience a raw, deep love like nick and charlie, something that ben expresses in his apology to charlie is something he longs for. walking away from the rainbow wave means ben is walking away from any opportunity to heal and accept himself and in return experience a real, happy relationship with someone he truly loves, not someone he thinks he’s ‘supposed’ to be with.

so to summarize ben hope - though very hateable - is such a detailed and complex character who i could go on and on for hours about his few scenes and little screen time and how much thought goes into all of them, and how much meaning they all have, not only for ben but for the other characters as well. i could make many other posts about ben and his character arc in s2, but i thought for this post specifically i’d just keep it contained to this scene in particular, because i’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately and i just had a lot to say. so yeah comment if you want to hear more about my thought in ben i guess? thanks for reading!

[endsupes]

Indie Billy Butcher from The Boys Amazon series (possible small comic influence) . Non-selective and open to AU, OC, and crossovers. Discord given to mutuals only. Personals do not interact.  Rules under readmore.( Sideblog @riplander )

Rules and Notes

First of all, thank you for visiting this page.  Even if you only skim this, I’ll love you forever.  Most of these rules are pretty basic, common sense stuff, but I would really appreciate it if you read them.  I know it’s long, but I’m just trying to make sure no one is offended or uncomfortable.  I’ll try to make this as painless as possible.  Bear with me.  I’ll try to bold the basics.

            — the basics.

I have a few verses to choose from, and I’ll probably place you in the one that will most easily fit with your character’s canon unless otherwise specified.

Butcher isn’t always the most pleasant person. Please know that anything mean said is not a reflection of the mun’s feelings.  IC =/= OOC.

Don’t god-mod.

OC and Au friendly, but please have an about page so I can gauge whether our characters will be able to interact.

Memes and opens are free game – anyone can send one or respond to one.  However, I may not respond for some reason or another: it may be in violation of one of my other rules, or due to external factors.  If you’re worried that I missed something, feel free to come to me about it, but please don’t constantly badger me for replies.  It’s rude.

I reserve the right to refuse to roleplay, especially if I’m uncomfortable.

DO NOT under any circumstances try to bring me into out of character drama.  If you have a problem with me, contact me privately or just unfollow.  Vague blogging, callout posts and the like are annoying, and I ask that you would tag them.  This is something I will unfollow over if I so please.

            — on selectivity. 

I will be selective with my threads and who I interact with.  I would love to interact with everyone, but I’m very busy with school and other blogs, and I don’t want to overload myself.  If this bothers you, feel free to unfollow.  If you have any questions about whether I have time, feel free to jump into my ask.

Also, I am far more likely to RP with mutuals. That’s not to say I won’t RP with those I don’t follow or those who won’t follow me, there may be exceptions. But it is far more likely.  That being said: if I follow you, I want to write with you.  Probably a lot. I’m just too shy to say anything because I’m a weenie pissbaby.

Starter calls, unless otherwise specified, are for mutuals only.

            — on content.

I’m 20+, so mature content is cool with me.   NSFW and triggering content will be present on this blog, but it will also be tagged in the following manner: n.s.f.w., tw:

As for smut: first of all, I will not smut with anyone under the age of 18.  Don’t ask me to; the answer will be no.  And just in general, don’t come to me looking for smut.  I’m not terribly good at writing it, so it’s very unlikely that it will occur on this blog.  I need to be pretty comfortable with someone to smut with them.  If by some miracle a thread is looking like it’s going to get smutty, feel free to hop into my ask and talk to me about it.  We’ll figure something out.

In relation to that, please do not send me overtly sexual memes if we have not interacted.  Kissing memes are fine, but I tend to get uncomfortable with anything beyond that.  Please respect this.

            — on replies.

I’m an adaptive roleplayer, meaning I’ll likely respond in a manner similar to yours.  If you format, I’ll format.  If you don’t, I won’t.  That sort of thing.  I also try to match length with my replies, but some days I struggle.  If you’re ever unhappy with the quality or length of a reply, please let me know and I’ll do my best to fix it.

I don’t always get to things right away.  I’m notorious for avoiding drafts, and especially right now, I’m pretty busy with schoolwork.  However, sometimes I’ll reply at the speed of light.  It’s really varied, and I’m sorry about that.

Sometimes, I’ll drop things that’ve been in my drafts for too long, or things that I feel aren’t going anywhere.  If you think I’ve dropped/missed/lost something that you wish to continue, come to me politely and we can talk about it.

            — on shipping.

I’m admittedly kind of a ship-whore.  If there are sparks, I likely ship it.  I ship Butcher/Chemistry, but again, it’s rather unlikely that Butcher will engage in a sexual or even a romantic relationship.  Them’s the breaks.  BroTPs are great though.  Also, I’m only human: I sometimes play favorites with my ships.  Sorry.

Please please please DO NOT force a ship on me.  It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I will not hesitate to unfollow or even block you.  I will try to politely let you know if I feel that our characters do/do not have chemistry.

            — on credit.

Most icons, art and edits are made by myself, and are usually tagged as #my art or #my edits. Otherwise, I do not own anything!

          — on the mun.

My name is Élise, I’m 20+, living in Midwest America, EST.  Feel free to contact me via ask at any time. I love talking to you guys! Discord is available to mutuals upon request – again, I reserve the right to refuse to give these for whatever reason.  I have no triggers, so as long as you talk to me prior to introducing something triggering to a thread, I’ll be cool with it. Just talk to me about it beforehand and I should be fine, but if I’m not feeling it, please respect that.

That’s about it.  Thanks so much for reading these.  Smooches! <3

[sassykattery]

Celebrations of the Heart, Pt. 2

Welcome back to part 2. As I stated before, I will be doing three uploads a week for this chapter! I will still upload on the usual Wednesday/Saturday [Thursday/Sunday for further eastern time zones] schedule, but also a random day of my choosing! Enjoy!

CW: MC is afab, uses she/her pronouns. MC is a demon and poly. *Smut scene: quickie. f! receiving penetration, piv. Creampie.* Barbatos refers to MC as "Mistress" as a formality and does so sporadically throughout the series.

Themes: Romance. Mental health. Makeup sex. DiavoloxMC. LuciferxMC.

Characters: MC="you", Barbatos, Diavolo, Lucifer

Minors and ageless blogs DNI

18+ only

Masterlist

Enjoy~

"Ah, mistress, thank you for doing this for me. I greatly appreciate your help. Could I brew some Hell Rose tea as thanks? Or I could make you a treat if you'd prefer," Barbatos said, smiling at you after seeing the fully stocked pantry and fridge.

"I'll take some tea, and it's no problem. Anything for you," you replied softly. "I'll be in my suite," you added.

After settling in your room, you pulled out your notepad, turning to your law research. You stared at the two questions, considering everything that had transpired over the last few days between your vacation and returning home, and then thinking about what Solomon said.

It was truly unfair of me to say that, you thought. I enjoy being a demon, and I don't regret giving up my soul. Solomon's right, I put too much pressure on myself.

Putting your notepad back in the desk drawer, you pulled out your finances book, feeling a new vigor in your studies.

But it didn't take long for you to be interrupted.

"MC?" Diavolo called, knocking on your door.

"Come in," you replied.

Diavolo walked in, seeing you at your desk. "Ah, perfect, there's something I'd like to discuss with you," he said. He instantly saw your shoulders slump just a hair, and his heart sank a little. "It's nothing bad, I promise," he added.

"Sorry, I just assumed after our last conversation..." You started to mutter. You stared straight ahead at your desk, still not looking at the prince.

This didn't go unnoticed either. "No, no, my love, don't worry about that. I have given some consideration to a few–" He stopped, , trying to assess the situation. "Darling, can you at least look at me?" His change in tone caught you off-guard: it was serious and bordering on irritated.

Slowly, you turned in your seat, your gaze dragging across the desk, the floor, landing on his shoes, and slowly traveling up to his golden gaze. His arms were crossed, and he looked down at you with frustration in his eyes. Instantly, you flinched.

Diavolo was utterly confused. He felt like he was doing everything wrong with you all of a sudden. You were never one to shy away, flinch, or not want to meet his gaze.

You two stared at each other, unable to speak. It was weirdly tense between you two, unlike anything either of you have ever felt with the other. Unfortunately, Diavolo was still struggling with what Lucifer told him about you. He took it personally, seeing it as a reflection of his ability to be a good partner. Though he knew that it wasn't about him or a reflection of him, it still affected how he acted toward you, but all that did was actually make things worse, so he was frustrated.

Abruptly, he turned and left your room, without a single word, leaving you to wonder what it was that he even came in for, and now you were frustrated as well. Actually, you were livid, your wrath instantly spiking your blood pressure. In a fit of fury, you put your study materials away and left your suite to go outside, hoping the Devildom air might calm you down. You weren't exactly quiet on your way out, with the prince hearing the slamming of doors from his office as you stormed your way out of the palace.

Barbatos stood in the wake of your warpath, holding a tray for tea, and simply watched as you left wordlessly. Immediately, he set the tea back down in the kitchen and went to Diavolo's office.

"Sir–"

"I know, Barbatos, she left," Diavolo interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The butler tilted his head. "My lord, did something happen?"

"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong," Diavolo snapped. "Ever since Lucifer told me about that, I just can't help but be angry."

"And who precisely are you angry at?" Barbatos asked, raising a brow.

"Her. How could she even think to do that to herself? Do I not give her everything that's mine to give?" Diavolo replied bitterly.

Barbatos lowered his tone into that of a warning, something he only did to discipline the prince. "Perhaps you need to reconsider that, my lord. You don't know what it's like to be in her shoes, nor do you know what it's like to go through everything she has. She's lived quite the life in her short time, as a human and now a demon, and now her plate is the fullest it's ever been, for you. I think you should give her more grace. You've lived a rather privileged life to not know that sort of pain, sir."

The butler sharply turned on his heel and exited the office, leaving Diavolo speechless. Truthfully, Barbatos was a touch aggravated with the prince. He immediately went outside to search for you, finding you sitting next to the black roses in the palace gardens.

"Mistress," Barbatos called to you, approaching.

"Ah, Barbatos, I'm sorry, I'll come have tea," you said, getting to your feet.

"No, mistress, it's something else. May I speak candidly?" Barbatos asked, seeming flustered.

"Of course," you said, confused by his state.

"Rather, I would like to tell you about myself. Why don't we walk for a little bit?" Barbatos suggested. You nodded and the two of you walked the gardens.

"When I was younger, before the prince came along, I found myself lonely and in despair, and I wasn't sure how much more of this life I could tolerate. There wasn't much left for me at that time, having lived for so long. It was when I was presented with the opportunity to serve my lord that I did find some enjoyment and feeling of purpose in my life," Barbatos said and then stopped, turning to you. "Now you have come into my life as well, and I cannot begin to imagine it without you, nor do I want to."

Your face heated up, unsure of where this is going.

He continued, "I do not know of your particular suffering, that is only something you will ever experience, but I do know what it's like to be buried in the weight of desolation, and you shouldn't carry that burden alone. It's far too heavy, and I offer myself as someone you might consider confiding in, if necessary, mistress," Barbatos explained.

Tears welled up in your eyes, and for the first time, Barbatos opened up his arms and pulled you in for an embrace. Instantly, your arms came around his waist.

He let go first and put his hands on your shoulders. "MC, you are loved dearly, by me and everyone around you. I know the young lord isn't the best with his temperament at times, but I implore you to give him some grace. Sometimes, he isn't the best at putting himself in the shoes of others. And, you're his first love, and I would surely hate for things to become strained before you two have even begun to work together in this next chapter," Barbatos finished.

"Thank you, Barbatos," you replied, placing your hands on top of his.

You looked over at the palace behind him, and then back at the demon before you. He nodded and you nodded in silent reply.

You ran, and Barbatos watched with a small smile on his face, proceeding to walk the gardens for a while.

Dashing through the halls at inhuman speed, you threw the door open to Diavolo's office. He immediately looked up at you, brows raised in surprise. The look on your face told him everything. He stood and came around his desk, and you ran up to him, jumping up into his open arms for him to easily catch you and hold you against him.

"I'm sorry," you rasped, burying your face in his neck.

"Darling, I should be sorry, and I am," he murmured into your hair. His hands gripped you tighter. "I've been unfair to you. My unjustified anger has pushed you away when you needed me the most. And I've made this entire ordeal about myself rather than listening to you. Please forgive me."

He set you back down on the floor and cupped your cheeks, checking your expression. Tears ran over, and he ran his thumbs over to wipe them away. "I love you. Please never forget that. I know things are hard right now, but I don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone. I may not understand fully what you are experiencing, but I can still be here for you and be the support you need."

You nodded, nuzzling your face into his large hands. "I love you too. I promise to take care of myself, and when things get too hard, I'll ask for help. I won't leave you, ever," you stated tearfully. You looped your arms around his neck and his hands dropped to your waist, bringing you in closer. Both of you leaned in for an emotional kiss, filled with silent apologies, promises of love and adoration, and fervent passion.

*The two of you started to stumble around, finding a place to land as his hands, as well as yours, started to mindlessly unbutton jackets, pull off shirts, tear off pants, and eventually landing on the couch fully naked. He laid you back and climbed on top of you, fully laying himself on you as you two grinded into the other. Both of you were flushed with red hot desire, needing to feel the other as close as inhumanly possible.

Your hands went to his hips and pulled them into you, silently telling him what you wanted. He pulled away to take hold of your legs and put them on his shoulders, immediately lining his cock up to enter you. Both of you were already ready, and the familiar ache of need was pooling in both of you, pining to be soothed with the feel of your lover.

Again, you pulled him into you, his member slipping into you with ease and both of moaned. He leaned forward, your knees pushing back into you, and sank as deep as he could go.

"Ahh-ah!" you moaned out. His lips took capture of yours, his tongue slipping in to tangle with yours. The pace of his thrusts was slow but deep, seeking to reach your deepest sweet spots. His hands each grabbed a hold of your ass, holding you in place as he pumped into you. He rested his forehead against yours.

"I love you, MC, please never forget that," Diavolo said in a hushed tone. All you could do was nod as the sobs of pleasure overtook your ability to speak. His pleasure was also starting to overtake him, pushing him to thrust into you faster, but still just as deep.

"I love you," you finally rasped out as the heat in your core flashed out to the rest of your body. Within seconds, your moans turned to a silent scream, his cock kissing your sweet spot relentlessly as you came undone, causing your juices to run down and coat your thighs as well as his. Feeling you come apart on his cock sent him over the edge as well, and he sunk himself to the hilt inside of you to cum, relishing in your mutual pleasure.

He brought your legs down to relax, still inside of you, and buried his face in your neck, fully laying on top of you.

*Just then, Lucifer happened to walk in, seeing Diavolo still balls deep inside of you, both of you panting. His eyes went wide to see the two of you like that, still in the throes of pleasure and intimacy. Though, he was actually rather turned on to see you in particular, blissed out. It made sense now why he didn't see Barbatos anywhere on the way to the office, but not as to why the door was open. Slowly, he backed away and waited in the hallway.

Slowly, your eyes opened, looking up at Diavolo's sculpted face. He looked back down at you and smiled. "I missed your touch, my love," he murmured.

"I'm sure you did," Lucifer called out from the hallway. Your eyes went wide, and you looked at the open door to the office that you completely forgot to close. Diavolo smirked and pulled away from you.

"Apologies, Lucifer, I suppose I forgot about our meeting today," he called from the couch.

"I suppose it's not the worst thing to walk in on," Lucifer replied.

Both you and Diavolo quickly got dressed and cleaned up. Lucifer came in and smirked at your flustered appearance. When he walked by you, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. But once he sat down in front of Diavolo's desk, you perched yourself on the Avatar's thigh, much to his pleasant surprise. Lucifer wrapped an arm around your waist and held you there. Your two lovers began to talk about work, and you listened patiently until fatigue took hold of you, so you settled back into Lucifer's arms and curled up on his lap and fell asleep.

"Hmph, I think we've done this before," Lucifer mused, looking down at you with adoration.

"Indeed, shall I go ahead and steal her away again?" Diavolo teased.

Lucifer frowned, clutching you tighter. "I do believe you already had some pretty intimate time with her," he retorted.

Diavolo sighed and nodded, "I suppose you are right."

---

Tags: @delphi-dreamin @itsmeninerz @leavesandflowers @obeymediasimp @frozengoldie @flemmingbamse @marvelous-maniac

Thanks for reading <3

Post made by sassykattery. Do not repost. Reblogs and comments appreciated.

[asonofsoddensoil]

So uh if anyone in the brave little toaster fandom finds this, hello, hope you enjoy my ramblings. The themes of these two works are just so fascinating and parallel in ways I find very interesting. This movie was my first fond memento mori in fiction and gave me a safe place to explore existential and societal fears early on in life. It gave me a more conscious appreciation for the horror genre with how gently yet seriously it nudged me towards facing my fears.

Also I refer to Toaster in this post as a she because if Toaster were human I'd headcanon her as a trans woman and the first two movies taking place during her egg phase. I also headcanon Lampy and Radio as trans, Blanky as genderfluid, and Kirby as occasionally gnc if he feels more relaxed. All of them are gnc to me by virtue of how many people with a difficult or heavily tested relationship with gender love this movie. Gender norms are very arbitrary yet are used to define people by function. So, while it's not as directly applicable to the characters as appliances, the ideas sprung up about identity and purpose overall bring up interesting questions about gender.

🍞 All those nightmares robbed Toaster of restful sleep for years. Toaster tried desperately to protect everyone and keep them all together, so afraid of being the spark that ignites their doom that she kept her distance from them. But watching the gears of the crushing machine turn, its image inverted against her reflective chrome, she felt for a moment that she fully knew this was what fate had in mind for her all this time.

🥀 Blanky was swept up into the trees, shroud in a darkness so deep that a strike of blindingly bright lightning barely even glowed there. It was horribly homesick and wished for someone to hold it tight, feeling as helpless as the child it once warded from monsters under the bed and in the closet. The wind threatened to blow it away at every moment, but it held on tight all through the night, clinging to the branches that tore and dirtied its fabric.

📻 Radio got so used to trouble at the cottage that he readily took on whatever role the situation called for when they left. Leading the charge or signing off for good, he always made sure to put on a good show to keep morale up. But who would put their life on the line to save the one who brought their butcher to them, he wondered...?

💡 Lampy surrendered to the storm in a rare moment of certainty, surviving though he knows now he very much shouldn't have. That night, he would have done anything to pierce the cruel, unyielding darkness, and lightning struck to provide him the way out of it. He learned to trust in himself and others, and from that night on he let compassion be his guiding light.

🧹 Kirby stood at the edge of a cliff, heart heavy with regret for being too weak to hold on tight enough to keep them from falling, for being so closed off, for the last things he said to them, for the last thing he said to him. He's so distant up here that his friends disappear into the mist below. Choking down his fear, he steadies himself and takes a leap of faith.

List of episodes I associate with the main 5 and other important characters directly below the cut. Then there's a buffer space prevent spoiling those who haven't listened to the whole series.

Toaster: 8, 11, 26, 29, 37

Blanket: 9, 12, 15, 22, 32

Radio: 1, 7, 16, 29, 31

Lamp: 4, 12, 17, 23, 38

Vacuum cleaner: 2, 10, 13, 31, 33

Air Conditioner: 8, 13, 19, 26, 35

TV: 3, 5, 24

Rob: 5, 24, 38

Kris: 1, 3, 25

Parts Shop appliances: 14, 18, 30, 34

Junkyard appliances: 5, 15, 30, 32

Tinselina: 21, 24, 28, 34

Ratso: 7, 26, 31, 32, 35

Wittgenstein: 8, 16, 23, 32, 35

Spoilers for episodes 80-200 below this point.

Anyway so now that only the ones knowledgeable of TMA are here, the Dread Powers seem to both kick their asses and love them. Which dread powers I think they'd be aligned with, you likely get a clue based on my descriptions and chosen episodes if you're down here. But I'll make it clear here because the implications are so much to me.

Toaster: Terminus, The Mother of Puppets, The Lightless Flame

Blanky: The Forever Blind, The Crawling Rot, The Future Without Us

Radio: Butchery, Viscera, I Do Not Know You

Lampy: It Is Not What It Is, Beholding, Vertigo

Kirby: Too Close I Cannot Breathe, Everchase, The One Alone

Air Conditioner: The Mother of Puppets, The One Alone, Ceaseless Watcher

TV: I Do Not Know You, The Future Without Us, It Is Not What It Is

The scene where they all sink is like watching the swamp of sadness in The Neverending Story, it's so sad to watch everyone's last instinct be to save their own lives, if it ever comes to their minds. I've thought way too much about this subject in particular because this scene reveals their impulses under crisis very handily. That it's a scene that handles Kirby's greatest vulnerability after we see him overcome his greatest fear is heartbreaking in itself on top of everything it reveals about everyone else. It's his final instinct rather than his first to call for help, and Toaster doesn't even try to save herself when it comes down to the wire before trying to tell someone already sinking deeper to do so.

Radio then saves their lives by not shutting up, as usual, but the helper they receive puts them directly in danger. 😭 He's so slaughter aligned that he maladaptive daydreams about war and always picks fights with everyone even if it's clear he's outmatched.

Kirby calling Blanky crying "disgusting" is honestly so horrible because he's so averse to weakness he can't stand to see it in others, but it's also a perfect way to show the difference between them too cause Kirby likes things clean. It's like he sees Blanky's open vulnerability as a contaminant that will infect him, and Blanky really needs the kind of support Toaster provides.

If Toaster's chronic nightmare is not End and Desolation coded I really don't know what is. The inevitable loss and mortality vs lost potential burning out, it's kinda crazy to consider the fact that this movie's plot begins and ends with a death. If this movie were a Leitner, it would absolutely be of the End. I can even envision a corrupted version

[gay-mathematician-portmanteau]

Single thread compendium episode 1: my single thread math series isn't gaining the traction i’d hoped for. rather than believing the series just isn’t good or that i’ve possibly failed in some way, we’re going to go ahead and explain the joke (because obviously, that will make it funnier).

the series might be beyond my skills as a writer, so we’ll see if this actually helps.

the series is obviously centered around math. it’s best defined as a loose collection of absurd math jokes, which may or may not be interconnected in some way. the hope is that people who aren’t necessarily interested in mathematics can still understand the jokes and find them funny. at the same time, i’m trying to include enough mathematical depth that those who are into math will get a little extra punchline to enjoy. i succeed more often at the latter than the former,  but i genuinely believe you don’t need math knowledge to enjoy the series. 

if this sounds interesting to you and you’d like to experience the series as intended, i’d encourage you to stop reading here. From this point forward, i’ll be discussing topics that are intentionally left vague in the series. if you do decide to keep reading, that’s totally okay—the speculation i’m hoping to encourage can be pretty energy-intensive, and it’s completely valid not to have the space to dedicate to such a ridiculous project. you can find the posts under the tag #single thread math on my blog.

the truest focus of the series is on unnamed characters. my hope is to encourage the reader to grow attached to the characters and assign to them personhood through their beliefs, actions, and interactions without my ever having to explicitly discuss the characters (i’ve clearly already failed at this goal).

in this post, I’m featuring the first two (and my favorite) characters. i usually refer to them as the algebraist and the analyst in my head.

for those less familiar with the politics of theoretical mathematics: there are algebraists and analysts who view their subjects as irreconcilable. while i don’t share this opinion, i thought it would be funny to highlight this “war” between the characters (whose personalities reflect stereotypes about real analysts and algebraists, along with the subjects themselves).

the algebraist is smug, arrogant, and clever. her problem is that she never stops to consider whether she might be wrong. she’s so fixated on meta-mathematics that she loses sight of the concrete. i felt this was an important trait to highlight right from the first story arc of the series (the posts i’ll feature here).

the analyst, by contrast, is neurotic, devoted, and meticulous. she has a near-fanatical obsession with propriety and rigor, often rejecting conclusions if she finds the proofs invalid for any reason. i also decided early on that she would hate cantor. For those unfamiliar, cantor is most famous for proving that there are more real numbers than natural numbers (yes, some infinities are larger than others—very original reference). his work is foundational to analysis, so the analyst’s hatred of him is a bit of an issue for her prospects.

i’m not going to explain the math the posts contain here, but i hope anyone who wants such explanations will be willing to reach out to me via dm or ask. i’m truly always willing to answer such questions!

that’s all i have right now! the following entries in the series make up the first story arc, introducing the dynamic between the algebraist and the analyst. if you don’t enjoy math, i hope you’re able to find humor in the characters themselves. if you do enjoy math, i hope you appreciate the balance I have attempted to strike between absurdity and depth—i worked very hard on it.

episode 2: i’m pretty sure that if i write the derivative of the maclaurin expansion of \e^x\ out far enough, i’ll find a term that doesn’t perfectly match the original. this is how a real analyst proves something. take notes, cantor.

episode 7: if you’re close enough to the equator, polynomials are actually just piecewise-defined lines.

episode 8: okay, the derivative thing didn't take me quite as long as i expected. admittedly, i was wrong. nonetheless, i'm absolutely certain that the integral of the maclaurin expansion of e^x will have mismatched terms and i'll finally be vindicated in my support for cantor's institutionalization. 

episode 9: there's been a lot of talk on here about these taylor polynomial things, so i went to the equator to prove that they're nonsense.

claim: the maclaurin expansion for \e^x\ is not equal to the function \e^x.\ proof: consider the maclaurin expansion given by $$1+x+(1/2)x^2+…+(1/n!)x^n$$. this is trivially equivalent to $$1 \land x \land ((1/2)+2x) \land … \land (1/n!!)+nx$$. this can be rewritten as the piecewise function $$\begin{cases} 1&\text{if} x \le 0\\lim_{n \rightarrow \infty} \frac{1}{n!}+nx&\text{if} 0 < x \end{cases}$$ examine also $$e^x = \prod_{1}^{x}(e) = \sum_{1}^{x}e = ex$$.

it is easy to see that these functions are not equal to one another.

i don't know why anyone studies anything other than algebra. you're welcome, analysts.

episode 12: i just learned about this nifty induction thing. if only i had known about it a couple of weeks ago, then i wouldn't have needed to spend eternity writing out every single term of the derivative and integral of the maclaurin expansion of e^x. now, though, no cyclic set is safe from my proofs.

claim: the maclaurin expansion of \e^x\ is its own derivative.

proof: consider the maclaurin expansion of the function \e^x\ given by $$\sum_{n = 1}^{\infty}\frac{1}{n!}x^{n}$$ the derivative of sums is the sum of derivatives, allowing us to focus on terms of the form $$\frac{1}{j!}x^{j} | j \in \mathbb{N}$$

consider now the base case n=1. $$\frac{1}{1!}x^{1} = x$$ examine the derivative of this function. $$\frac{d}{dx}\left[x\right] = 1 = \frac{1}{0!}x^{0}$$ since this is a term of our original maclaurin expansion, the base case holds. now, examine the case $$n = k | k \ge 1$$ this term is given by $$\frac{1}{k!}x^{k}$$ suppose it has a derivative in the original maclaurin expansion given by $$\frac{1}{(k-1)!}x^{k-1}$$ lastly, examine the case n=k+1. $$\frac{d}{dx}\left[\frac{1}{(k+1)!}x^{k+1}\right] = \frac{d}{dx}\left[\frac{1}{k+1}x\frac{1}{k!}x^{k}\right]$$ which allows us to apply our assumption with the product rule. $$\frac{1}{k+1}\frac{1}{k!}x^{k}+\frac{1}{k}x\frac{1}{(k-1)!}x^{k-1}$$ we can now simplify the products in each term $$\frac{1}{(k+1)k!}x^{k}+\frac{1}{(k+1)(k-1)!}x^{k}$$ adding the fractions normally gives us $$\frac{k+1}{(k+1)k!}x^{k} = \frac{1}{k!}x^{k}$$ by induction, since this step holds for n=k+1, this holds for all natural numbers n. as a result, the derivative of any term of the maclaurin expansion is a term of the maclaurin expansion, demonstrating that the two functions are equal.