#so he'd probably be aware of the tradition

[zylphiacrowley]

ErenWoL Week day 1: Preperations

X'vahl also had to take a brief personal detour to Radz-at-Han to prepare for the journey to Tural...

How about that bit of lore about the woven bracelet tradition in Radz-at-Han :eyes: (featuring the return of one of X'vahl's best friends and Radz-at-Han native; Levi'ra Bajhiri)

thanks to @zeloinator for putting together the prompt list. ♥

[brittlebutch]

bill and ted and their efforts in education is something thats So Important to me - they really do want to learn and find new things soo interesting, its just that traditional teaching methods fail them. even stuff they love (music) took them so long to learn !!!! which is something i feel like ppl miss a lot. choosing to learn smthn that is difficult and has a steep learning curve is actually So Hard and frustrating and bill and ted actually put in so much effort to learn!! and ofc it works out (they win battle of the bands, become famous, save the world etc) but i feel like they wouldve worked at it even if they never met rufus and all that bc they approach life with such genuine earnestness. which is a trait i admire so much and they make me so happy :)

yes dude you absolutely hit the nail on the head!!! i love love love that Bill and Ted don't make it through any of the movies thanks to any kind of special skill or innate talent, they manage to make it through just because they're so affable and enthusiastic that people around them (even some who would have reason to actually dislike them) just can't seem to help but be taken with them and decide to help them out - no perpetuating the myth of independence anywhere!!

and you're so right about the time travel probably not being strictly Necessary in their development like, their audition at the beginning of Bogus Journey isn't very good but it's still technically way more musical than their garage jam sessions were in Excellent Adventure! (You could argue that's just the Princesses carrying the sound, which is probably true to an extent, BUT I don't think that's it entirely bc there's not any discordant distortion-noise like there was in EA and parts of the melody do seem to cut out when Bill and Ted pause playing to speak) So they were learning and improving between movies, it's just that they're naturally kind of slow at it AND they've also probably not been able to focus on learning all that well bc they're working full time and struggling financially - once they take like a year and a half outside of time to practice nothing but guitar they're able to show off some serious musical acumen, and THEN i love how Face the Music shows how even though they've both gotten pretty Technically skilled at a huge variety of instruments, they're still 'bad at it' bc they struggle to write music that other people enjoy/understand and they still aren't overly bothered by that at all!

Also love that the same applies to Billie and Thea - they seem to have a much easier time of things than their dads do wrt learning/innate skills BUT they're still 24 and haven't moved out or gone to college or gotten jobs or anything and no one (other than Chief Logan ofc) puts them down or admonishes them for this! They're both loved and supported wholeheartedly by their parents (who OFC understand it all completely) and they make it through the movie the same exact way Bill and Ted did! Even though Billie and Thea do rely on a more-than-solid grasp of musical history to navigate the circuits of time, their ability to sway the historical figures to their cause largely thanks to their enthusiasm for the topic and general affability and i love how that's always upheld by the movies as a Valued Trait i love it SO much

[k0juki]

pls some joost fluff (cuddling n maybe some making out??) headcanons bitte bitte🙏

🥴 danke danke for request!

Cuddles

Joost Klein x fem!reader

English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes or errors! More posts here.

A/n: I wrote it a bit different, hope you won't mind much!🙏

Warnings: bit suggestive and making out, so be aware!

Wc: 736

---

Okay, so Lazy Mornings would probably look like this.

Joost loves to sleep in on any day, but what he loves more is when he wakes up to find you still cuddled up beside him, he wouldn't have it any other way.

He'd pull you even closer, wrapping his arms around you protectively, and nuzzle his face into your hair, content to stay tangled up in bed with you for as long as possible.

"Good morning to you too, Joost." You said with a small smile and felt him tighten his hold on you from behind.

"Morning." He whispered and kissed your neck. "I didn't want to wake you up."

"It's alright. I have to get up anyway." You answered and turned in his hold.

"Not possible, you're staying here, with me." He spoke and as he was about to kiss you, you turned your head to the side and said. "No, no, no, I will give you a kiss after we brush teeth."

---

Post-Eurovision Comfort would be absolutely necessary and nobody can tell me otherwise.

After a particularly tough last few days at Eurovision, Joost would come home exhausted.

You'd meet him at the door with a warm hug, leading him to the couch where you'd lay his head in your lap and gently massage his shoulders and back.

"It's gonna be alright Joost, it will be alright." You would softly whisper to him.

He'd close his eyes, letting out a contented sigh as he relaxes into your touch, grateful for your soothing presence.

"Thank you love."

---

Movie Nights are a must.

You and Joost have a tradition of having cozy movie nights at home. He'd make a big bowl of popcorn, and you'd snuggle up together under a blanket on the couch.

As the movie plays, Joost would absentmindedly run his fingers through your hair, occasionally pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

"I know what you're trying to do Joost. It won't work." You warned him, clearly knowing what he was up to.

"I'm not doing anything love, you're just paranoid." He chuckled and threw himself at you, pinning you down on the couch.

He started kissing you as you put your hands on his shoulders and then to his hair, lightly tugging on it. Joost moaned to your mouth.

He suddenly pulled away and said. "If you're going to tease me like this, then it's not my fault. It's yours."

"No, it was you who started kissing me. It's your fault." You moaned, feeling him kiss your jaw and then neck.

"That sounds fair."

---

Unexpected Cuddles are like:

Whether you're cooking dinner together or just lounging around the house, Joost loves to surprise you with sudden cuddle attacks.

He'd sneak up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist, pressing his chest against your back as he peppers your neck with gentle kisses, making you giggle and squirm.

"It tickles!" You gasped and then you started to laugh, trying to pull away, but he didn't budge.

Now, that he was fully pressed against your back, he turned you around, so you were face to face. He bent down and took your thighs and pulled you up at the counter as you wrapped your arms around his neck for support.

"You realize I'm cooking, right?" You asked him, feeling all hot from sudden friction. Looking into his eyes, you see the hunger behind them.

You bit your lips and pulled him closer to yours lips kissing him with passion, but still soft enough.

"Who's the clingy one now." He laughed against your lips, kissing them again.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

---

Rainy Day Cuddles:

When it's pouring rain outside, Joost would suggest building a blanket fort in the living room.

And guess what? You agreed, because it is fucking good idea.

You'd gather up all the blankets and pillows you could find, creating a cozy nest for the two of you to hide away from the storm.

"It's cozy here." You whispered to him as you laid on his chest. He had his arm around you and his other was in your hair, gently playing with it.

"Yeah, it is." He quietly said and kissed the top of your head.

Inside the fort, you'd cuddle up together, listening to the sound of the rain on the roof and he was sharing stories with you until you both fell asleep in each other's arms.

---

Don't copy or translate my work! Also the picture is not mine! Credit goes to owner!

[ryescapades]

hi hello how are you?? i would like to request a yor forger!reader with hoshina where it's friends to fake marriage if that's alright?

they both agreed to the arrangement just to get their families' pestering off their back, but they ended up catching feelings in the process.

basically married shenanigans with pining hoshina with his insanely strong (fake) spouse in the third division 🔥🔥🔥

thorny predicament | kaiju no. 8

characters: hoshina soshiro x fem yor forger!reader

genre/warning: fluff, fake marriage, idiot to lovers? pining, this is more like a character study i think, mixed use of present and past tenses (don't mind my grammar guys pls)

a/n: hi hii i’m doing well tq for asking and requesting dear anon ! sorry for the delay and i hope this is to your liking :3 it's been so long since i first watched spy x family so i'm sorry if the yor characterization is a bit butchered :c 2.98k wc

"ya have been quite distracted in battles lately. any problem we should be aware of, y/n?"

almost stumbling on the kaiju carcass on the ground, you let out a startled yelp at the voice. you switch your attention from the gun in your hands to the man behind you, holding in the grimace from showing on your face.

"vice-captain! apologies, um... i'm just exhausted, i promise!" you laugh, though you can't help but to cringe inwardly at how obviously forced the sound was.

hoshina gives you a long, scrutinizing stare. he then glances at your surrounding, making sure no one is around to eavesdrop. "alright, i know somethin' is wrong with ya. out with it," he presses. you make a gesture with your hand, attempting to brush it off. "no, no, i'm fine, sir! it's nothing, really—"

"it's just us here, y/n." hoshina cuts you off, mildly bothered that you're still addressing him in a formal way.

realizing you have no way out of this, you sigh in defeat. "it's my parents again... and their marriage shenanigans. they've been pushing me about it and if i don't make any progress, they'll have me do an omiai soon," you huff, kicking at a stray pebble on the asphalt.

born into a family who valued tradition above all, you've already known that you're going to be subjected to it soon enough. sure, your parents are proud that you're always out there saving the country, but true to their beliefs, there's no way they'd allow you to die a lonely maiden.

but for it to be conducted this early? you almost tear your hair out at the thought. you can barely cook anything to save your life!

knowing your parents, they'd probably pick your potential suitors from family friends or the sons of people they're close with at work. how can you stop that from happening, you wonder... hm, would eliminating them work? maybe let a honju go rampant near their houses— wait, no, no, stop! don't go there, y/n!

meanwhile, hoshina's eyes widen, blissfully unaware of your inner deviant thoughts. he's reminded of his own conversation he had with his father just a few weeks ago. it was exactly the same thing.

well, not that exactly.

his father only talked about how old he's getting and how nice it'd be to see some kids running around in the family estate. in other words, he's hoping for grandchildren.

hoshina vividly remembers the old man saying he 'doesn't want to bother soichiro because he's busy running a division'. he scoffs to himself. as if his job as a second-in-command isn't as important.

and as if he'd agree to marry some random woman his father picked for him anyway. because deep down in his heart, there's only one person he could see himself tying the knot with. though he never really indulges himself to acknowledge that fact, too afraid of what it could mean and the uncertainty of it to work out.

he watches as you continue to fuss over your dissatisfaction at the poor concrete below, panicking about the possibilities of getting a perverted and alcoholic old man as a husband and whatnot.

there's a notion in his head, it’s bugging him to voice it aloud. an idea, a way to dissolve this messed up situation the two of you have been thrown into.

and so he finds himself saying, "mind stopping by my office after we wrap up this operation?"

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

"i— we... excuse me?" you sputter in disbelief, gaping at your superior who's calmly leaning his hip against the desk behind him. you think this is the first time you've ever been this speechless in your whole life.

understandably, of course. never would you have thought that your family issues were something you can relate to that of hoshina's. and it's not every day you find yourself hearing your good friend suddenly proposes that you two get married. it's only a fake marriage though. but still.

"i know ya heard me the first time, y/n. don't make me repeat myself," hoshina gruffly says, shifting in his stance. little do you know there's a trail of cold sweat running down the back of his neck.

the line between your brows deepens even further. "sorry, it's just... i honestly don't know how to respond. are you sure you're up for something like that, hoshina?" you question.

"i wouldn't have brought it up if i'm not up to it. are you?"

you continue to ponder over your options, slightly stressing out because of how impetuous everything is.

it’s not like you think the idea is bad, no. if anything, you’d finally get to push your parents— and your whole family, in fact— off your back. god knows how many more ‘you’re getting old, y/n. it’s not good to marry so late. you’d lose your appeal as a woman, do you understand?’ you could take from your mother before you completely lose your mind.

your femininity is alright, but you don't think you'd make a fine wife-material out of yourself. then again, you're too much of a kind soul to outright say no to your parents about it. lying to them is a no-go either, for they'd always known how bad you are at lying and how hard it is for you to keep up the act.

it’s clear that the burdens of being a daughter in a family such as yours are too much for a benign spirit such as yourself to bear.

another thing is that your parents had once emphasized to take anyone but a defense force officer as your spouse. again, highlighting the fact that they don’t want you to suffer the despairing fate of a soldier; losing a partner in battle.

it’s not just that. there’s the case with hoshina too, where you think your relationship with him has always been in the grey area. you two are considerably close, though you’d rather describe it in a more-than-coworkers but less-than-best friends kind of way, given how the two of you have never actually confided in each other about something explicitly personal as this. so basically, this is the first time you’ve heard him confessing such problems to you.

apart from that, there were also some of those moments where you’d catch him doing something that threatened the thin, fragile line of your relationship. it’d send your mind into an impasse every time it happened, making you question about it more times than you’d care to admit.

although with that being the reason, you still end up agreeing to his proposal, knowing fully well the arrangement can bring you both mutual benefits.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

the day you formally introduce yourself to the hoshina family turns out rather smooth. the meeting with your parents, however...

you don't think you've ever been this nervous before. not when you held your first ever presentation in school, not when you were anticipating your jakdf acceptance letter, and definitely not when you fought your first kaiju.

another first experience added to the list of that involving hoshina soshiro...

simply put, the entire meeting was nerve-wrecking.

as expected, your parents were skeptical with your so-called husband of choice. they interrogated the hell out of him, asking this and that, commenting on every little thing about him with the intention to see him squirm in his seat.

but you know hoshina. he's confidant, undeterred and he knows how to handle his opponents well. with honeyed, dialect-thickened answers slipping from his tongue at every turn, your parents gradually warm up to him.

if only you knew the praises he had uttered about you all came from his honest heart.

since then, your relationship with hoshina grows closer, born out of correlative understanding and acknowledgment towards your newly shared status as each others' spouses. both of your parents have dwindle down a bit with their pestering, now opting to support you two in their own ways.

hoshina becomes a tad bit more bold with his gestures too. he grazes his hand a lot more with yours, stands a bit closer to you until your shoulders brush, suspiciously eyeing men who he thinks were looking at you wrongly. he even asked captain ashiro to let him have the same meal times and off-duty hours as you.

"you called for me, captain ashiro— oh, vice-captain hoshina, you're here too!" you salute just as you step into the captain's office.

hoshina gives you an easy smile, one which you gladly mirror as you stand beside him in front of ashiro's desk, now consciously aware of the engagement ring you wore as a necklace hidden beneath your uniform and a complementary one you know is looped around his neck.

"at ease, y/n. i just called to ask whether you'd be alright with having a schedule change starting next week?" ashiro asks straight away, her attention still fixed on the papers in front of her.

your brows raise in confusion. "um... respectfully speaking, captain, since when do i have a say in something like this? i thought that's only for you to decide?"

"well, seeing as hoshina is the one who requested it, it's only right that i properly ask consent from you first, since it's your work hours we're discussing about here." she says.

ashiro then continues, not giving you and your 'husband' a chance to utter a single reply, "besides that, i'm quite surprised you're still calling him by his last name, given that you're also a hoshina now, y/n."

thoroughly amused, the captain revels in the way the two of you blush almost simultaneously, turning away from each other in bashfulness after being called out.

right, you forgot captain ashiro is the first person to know about the true nature of your relationship... and yet despite that, she genuinely roots for you two, praying that someday hoshina will eventually confess his painfully deep-rooted feelings for you.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

hoshina enjoys watching you in action. polite and kind personality off the field but with impeccable fighting abilities, your unleashed force could soar through the roof on a good day, and your hand-to-hand combat skills are considered on par with his own. not to mention your extremely high agility and fast reflexes, hoshina has rarely seen any kaiju catching you off guard mid-fight.

in short, you're strong. monstrously so.

he's reminded of that fact during one celebration party, where you've emptied one too many glasses, drunk out of your mind to even think straight.

"you know, soshiro-kun... this is like the best decision i've ever made! like, ever!!" you slur in between hiccups, cheeks flushed as your heavy eyes shine brightly at him.

your husband's slanted eyes crinkle at the corners in clear ardor, though you never noticed it due to your intoxicated state. "what decision? you mean drinkin' till you're all trashed and plastered like this?" he drawls with a teasing lilt in his tone.

hoshina lets you drunkenly lean the entirety of your weight on his side, an arm hovering just above your figure in case you fall over. choosing to indulge himself a bit, he rests his cheek on your head, taking in the soft scent of your shampoo.

most of the others celebrating around you don't even bat an eye, already used to the sight of you and the vice-captain being so physically close together. the new recruits never asked about your relationship. they just assume that you're already dating since they've seen you two like this even before they got officially appointed as officers.

though they have no idea how unbearably frustrating it was for the older members of the division to keep watching their vice-captain pine for you for years now.

one is hopeless, and the other is oblivious. it's sickening.

"ehhh, me? drunk? no, no! the decision is me marrying you, of course! i'm so happy i said yes to you that day! cheers to my lovely husband, guys!" you giddily hoot, raising another glass in the air before downing it all in one gulp.

and then chaos ensues.

shocked exclaims of "you two are married already?!", "wait, why was i not invited??", "since when?!", and among others fill the already rowdy hall.

hoshina internally combusts, his ears burning hot for he doesn't expect you to suddenly reveal your status like that but you seem so delighted about it that he doesn't have the heart to deny anything.

at the table beside you, furuhashi shouts in victory, "hah! i told you guys l/n-san and vice-captain hoshina are together! pay up, suckers!"

the swordsman raises a thin eyebrow at the new discovery. "that's quite a bet y'all made there. think some good extra laps could fit in somewhere?" he provokes.

the newbies sit upright, body rigid as they're about to send apologies his way but then you cut them all off.

"l/n? soshiro, you had a partner before me? am i getting in between your relationship?" you shakily ask in your hazy stupor, barely able to get your words out correctly as you jerk back, tears pooling in your eyes.

hoshina halts, finally realizing that you're too far gone to grasp that they were talking about you. "wait, what? that's not—" he tries to console, but you move fast, more so now that you're drunk. "no, don't touch me! i'm not a man-stealer, i swear!" you cry out.

before anyone can say or do anything, your fist connects with his jaw, so strong and forceful that the sound echoes in the hall as everyone else freeze in their spot, almost in horror at the spectacle.

the powerful yet underserving hit left hoshina's pretty face sporting a nasty bruise for the next few days, and it got you apologizing every chance you get.

nonetheless, at least he finds it endearing that you're not the type to handle your liquor well.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

another thing hoshina adores about you is that you're protective of the ones you care about.

he can distinctly recall the sagamihara neutralization operation when officers furuhashi and ichikawa had stumbled upon the humanoid version of no.9.

after losing connection with the two boys, you knew something was wrong at that moment. deciding to trust your instincts, you immediately head towards their last reported location, hoshina's concerned warnings from your earpiece going unheeded.

relief washed through you when you managed to arrive on time, though the sight of two direly injured officers made something boil deep inside your stomach.

your heart leaped to your throat when you see no. 9 with its hand out towards furuhashi, seconds away from blowing him to bits. with an enraged vigor, you lunged towards the man, pulling him behind you and aiming your gun at the monster before straight away pulling the trigger.

furuhashi cried out your name but you felt your pulse quicken then, not because of the daikaiju's hand separating from its arm and its core almost exposed due to your piercingly pin-point shot, but because of the figure appearing just behind no. 9. it was kaiju no. 8.

the next thing you knew, no. 9's head was flying away, and you held furuhashi closer, your aim changing its direction to the new humanoid kaiju. "keep still, furuhashi." you grit your teeth when you felt him stagger behind you, eyes narrowing warily at the way no. 8 gently handled ichikawa to sit up.

you wanted to question how it was possible for a kaiju to act in such a humanely way, but you figured that was something to be figured out later, as you now have two wounded officers to worry about.

hours later, as the mission came to an end, you approached hoshina who was seated on the ground with a sullen look on his face. "soshiro?" you called.

your husband immediately turned at the sound of your voice, clambering to a stand and dusting off his suit. "y/n! you're fine, thank gods," he exhaled before fussing over you, peering here and there to make sure you're not injured anywhere. "you're crazy, you know that? runnin' off to face against two daikaijus like that. ya had me worried sick!"

your fingers mindlessly fidget with the ring necklace, heart melting at his concerned sentiment. "sorry... i was worried too, you know. to hear furuhashi and ichikawa-kun getting isolated with an identified kaiju like that. they're under my care so i have to be responsible for their lives. and then you just had to go off and fight no. 8 on your own!" you huffed.

finding solace in his safety and well-being, you dropped your head to his shoulder and brought his own ring close to brush a kiss on the smooth surface of the glinting metal. "but i'm glad you're safe, soshiro," you murmured quietly.

when a tense silence greeted you, you slightly winced as embarrassment slipped into your conscious thoughts.

were you making him feel uncomfortable? fuck, you shouldn't have done that. you're just his fake wife, you don't have any right to succumb yourself to such intimacy with him.

you moved to pull away, but a palm situated itself on the back of your head, making you settle back on his shoulder. the hand felt warm, and so did hoshina's ears, cheeks, neck and anywhere his blood rush could reach.

"soshiro...?" your voice muffled on the material of his suit. his grip on you tightened just a little, an airy whisper of "stay," brushing against your ear almost affectionately. slowly, you snaked your arms around his back, burying yourself further into his welcoming embrace.

hoshina's mind seemed to settle. calm like the ocean waves during a slack tide, rustling like the tree leaves on a bright, sunny day. his feelings for you grew tenfold, adoration and love blossoming like flowers on a ripe spring season.

at that time, all he could think about is how much he desperately wanted to make you his real wife.

no official wedding ceremony written bcs my brain just couldn't come up with anything TT also i wanted to add more tension-filled scenes BUT I'M SO BRAINDEAD HELP I WANNA CRY

anyways, title inspired by yor's nickname, thorn princess hehe

—

©🅁🅈🄴🅂🄲🄰🄿🄰🄳🄴🅂. do not steal, translate or repost my work anywhere else !

[kenganbreeder]

So well know the Kure clan only do selective breeding. What if Raian genuinely falls in love with someone who doesnt fit the Kure standards? How would he react to being involved in a loveless relationship, while being in love with someone for the first time?

(SFW slightly looong hcs) tw; Slight infedility(?), forced marriage, possessiveness, light yandere/jealous!Raian, slight fwbs

(Non proofread)

Being genuinely in love doesn't fall in the category of the Kure tradition. Knowing Raian, he probably pledges deeply to his clan which considers his interest in stronger women so he could leave a strong heir. But him being genuinely in love with someone that does not fit the Kure clan standards? You either have to be someone special or some soft head that can only deal with his dumbass for hours, or someone he genuinely finds fun in. He simply hates what you do to him if he ever catches himself thinking of you. He might avoid you and act even more rude, but all that does is make him feel bad sometimes. He does not like being a sorry ass though, so he keeps that attitude on until he's forced into a loveless relationship.

Raian have never really considered being arranged into marriage. The rest of the clan wouldn't be in charge of convincing him though, but he knew it's his 'duty' anyway so he'll agree to the marriage being sorted out. He thought it was foolish that he's practically marrying a stranger, someone he wasn't even aware of what kind of history they had to do with strength. He's honestly lost interest in anyone ever since he realized that at the end of the day, you weren't his.

Raian wouldn't be able to confess to you in time, and if not more, he will never, ever, do it. He's not the person who often prioritizes his heart, but more so to his pride (and mostly duties prolly). Basically he has the mindset "Love is for the weak". He would keep telling himself that you're just an underling who's weak and stupid and...cute. YuP he finds you cute in an aggressive way aka cute aggression and he freaking hates it. The way you look at him is different from the rest. Soft, warm, and genuine. Like he's a saint instead of a murderer. So innocent, so...corruptable

Others might have those soft features, but your eyes have always told him you'd never betray him once. He would always try to come up with a comment to downgrade that tho, just so he could move on with his feelings. But no, each comment just worsens it. He overthinks a lot at first but eventually came in heels with the fact he's definitely possessive in love when he felt jealousy for the first time. The man himself isn't one to feel insecure. He's the strongest Kure member. One that could definitely take down anyone who gets in his way, especially if you were just hanging around with dogs like Rihito.

Raian despises the thought of you ending up with someone else, even if you can't be his at all. You're the one good thing that he sees light in, and he can't stand the thought of you with someone else. If he couldn't have you in the first place, then no one should.

He's still conflicted with his feelings though and they will remain untold and kept. Once the wedding ceremony ends, Raian would have no interest in making love to his arranged wife. Certain reasons like him genuinely being turned off completely, or just isn't interested at all. Would literally just walk out and leave the arranged wife to visit you instead. He'd have no problems being yelled at by the wife as long as he gets to see you by the end of the day. (Treats you more like a wife than the arranged wife herself)

[onyourowndaisymae]

obey me characters hands hcs (demon brothers, dateables, + side characters)

college has whooped my ass but your girl has officially graduated with two degrees!! finally!! hopefully i will be able to get out more writing soon. i think i am also going to tweak my request rules in the coming days to make writing easier on myself and my schedule, so expect that soon. anyways enjoy these random headcanons that came to mind one night out of nowhere

content warnings: none

Lucifer

lucifer is usually wearing gloves, so you rarely get to see or feel his hands. so when you do, it's a treat.

his hands are cold, but not unbearably so. they perpetually feel like he's been out in the cold just a few minutes too long. when he touches your bare skin, it makes you jump-- but keep them close for a few minutes and you'll chase the cold away completely.

his hands are soft. probably not super surprising considering he's always wearing gloves, but it's still pleasant.

he's got big ass, strong hands. they may be soft, but that doesn't mean they're weak. lucifer is the type of person that could open a jar for you with such ease that he'd almost look disappointed in your weak little human arms. if he's in a good mood, he might tease you about it.

he's pretty pale, so you can see the color of his veins under his skin. he's also got just a few prominent veins-- nothing excessive, but just enough to hit that sweet spot between too much and not enough.

his nails are always pristine. he's the avatar of pride. do you think he'd willingly walk around with chipped nail polish? if something somehow happens, they will be redone by the next day, almost like they'd never chipped in the first place. either he'll call asmo over to fix them, or fix them himself, depending on how much time he has.

Mammon

mammon has pleasantly warm hands. sometimes they get a little sweaty, but it's not much of a problem honestly. he's like a nice little heating pack on a winter day. because his hands are warm, though, yours usually feel cold to him... and he will complain. it's mammon.

his hands are also pretty soft. gotta look nice, y'know? i can see him keeping lotion (and chapstick-- not relevant here but it's worth a mention regardless) on his person pretty often. this came about bc he got tired of the lotion he borrowed from asmo smelling all perfume-y getting him odd looks.

this man is always wearing at least one ring and you cannot convince me otherwise. i can see him wearing a lot of matching gold ring sets. they just look like they belong on him, y'know?

i think he's got a few subtle veins across his hands. he knows that people like that, so i think he's pretty proud of his hands. he even takes care to avoid chipping or otherwise messing up his nails so the whole look will stay cohesive.

Leviathan

oh you know this man's hands are clammy as fuck. sorry bud. facts are facts.

he's blessed with very pretty hands. his nails just grow in a pretty shape (and asmo makes sure to keep them that way), his fingers are slender and proportional, his hands are a normal size, and his skin stays pretty moisturized, even in harsh weather. he doesn't have to try. which is good, because we all know he wouldn't.

i think levi actually hates the feeling of rings and hand jewelry. he'd fidget with it too much and eventually become so aware of it that he'd need to take it off before he goes crazy. if he gets married and wears a traditional wedding ring, it would have to fit perfectly and be very comfortable for him to eventually get used to it.

levi picks at the pads of his fingers a lot when he's anxious, but he's not super prone to scaring there, so it isn't super noticeable. he'll go through bursts of trying to break this habit where he covers his poor hands in vaseline, but nothing even quite breaks him of it.

Satan

satan has hands crafted by god specifically to play piano and look nice holding books. look at him. there's no way he'd have ugly hands. they're soft and pretty, but i think he has to put more effort than expected into maintaining them.

he's another one that i think would be anti-ring for much of the same reason as levi. i think it would just feel odd on his fingers and he'd get irritated by their presence. he's okay wearing bracelets though.

his hands, slender and pretty as they remain, are also quite strong. he's the avatar of wrath, after all. he's probably the second or third best to go to when you need a tough jar opened.

his nails and cuticles always look presentable, but i think he finds grooming them unpleasant. he lets asmo do it for him-- the younger one's chattering distracts him from the irritating feeling of pushed back cuticles and trimmed hangnails. his hands aren't naturally soft, either, but asmo has developed a routine for him so they stay nice with a bit of regular (secret) effort. satan's all about seeming effortlessly perfect, after all, and his hands are no exception.

Asmo

softest hands in the entire cast. simeon and mephistopheles are good competitors, but this is not a battle he will lose.

his nails are always perfectly manicured and soft. he's got a million different lotions scatter across his room, the HoL, RAD, etc., all to make sure he never encounters even a hint of dry skin. he's got emergency nail polish, too, just incase a nail were to chip while he's out and about.

asmo reaches a lot for daintier, tasteful jewelry. think small rings, delicate bracelets, pretty gemstones, the works. he's very particular about matching the jewelry both to his outfit AND his nails.

he doesn't have any visible veins, so his hands seem inhumanly perfect at times. he likes this. compliment his hands and he'll swoon-- not that he cares more about them than the rest of his body, but because it shows you notice the smaller details he puts effort into, and he appreciates it.

Beel

big boy's got big ass hands. even if you're grown yourself, putting your palms against his will make you feel like a kid again. he could palm a basketball like shaq.

he's got his fair share of callouses. i think he mostly leaves them alone because they serve the purpose of improving his grip, which is nice for the gym or fangol. asmo probably gets on him for it, but beel doesn't care enough to do something about it. i can also see him having quite a few prominent veins on both hands.

his hands fluctuate in temperature a LOT. it's pretty unpredictable, too. you can touch his hand and find it scorching hot, then touch it again ten minutes later to find it eerily lukewarm. nobody knows why this happens.

beel has to be very conscious of his hygiene, or his hands will get really dirty in a matter of minutes. he's constantly eating and touching things, so he needs to either be careful or have a napkin on hand. i think lucifer carries hand sanitizer for this exact reason (although he won't admit it).

Belphegor

belphegor's hands are upsettingly lukewarm. it's like touching things or inclimate weather has no effect on him. they're always lazily warm, like a glass of water sitting out in the sun.

his hands stay soft mainly because he doesn't do much with them. he is, however, prone to hangnails. he's lazily bite them off and accidentally cause more in the process-- not that he particularly cares.

he leaves nail and hand maintenance in asmo's hands. he'll let the fifth born do anything to them so long as he gets to sleep through it.

not anti-jewelry/rings per se, but doesn't care enough about it to a) put any on, or b) make sure he doesn't lose whatever he's wearing that day. if it somehow falls off, the most you're getting from him is a quick look around, unless the piece was really meaningful and/or borrowed.

Diavolo

is anyone surprised to hear that diavolo has massive, strong hands? no? didn't think so.

he's got really thick fingers, too. you feel like a toddler comparing hand sizes with him. he's just a mountain of a man.

his hands are always hot but never sweaty. it's comforting most of the times, but if you're already hot his touch is like fire. dawg. don't touch me. i'm sweating. his entire body is like this, too.

his nails are always very particularly manicured (it's an image thing) and fairly soft. he cares enough to use lotion but not enough to carry it. he's not one to be super vain in that regard.

there's a tasteful amount of veinage on this prince's hands. enough to be attractive, but not enough to make him seen overworked or to age him.

Barbatos

definitively the coldest fucking hands in the entire cast. barbatos' hands are cold enough to wake the dead with just a touch.

his hands are always covered by gloves as well, so they're not as rough as you'd expect. still, though, the butler is always keeping his hands busy, so i imagine there are still some minor calluses across his hands. nothing enough to be super noticable, but still there.

he's got long, slender fingers. very regal. his hands themselves are average sized. compared to someone like diavolo, though, they're dainty.

his hands are also very pale, but for some reason you can't spot a single vein. it's odd. you can see the tendons and bones shift when he moves so you know his hands are built like normal... but something about the veins just seems so odd. mammon tricked luke into thinking barbatos doesn't have any blood, so that's why no one can see his veins. this is wrong, but luke is too polite to ask about it. (the real explanation is that, although he's pale, he's got pretty thick skin-- demon perks-- so you don't really see much below it).

Simeon

simeon's hands are pleasantly warm at all times. you can feel the heat through his gloves. it's just a very comforting thing-- he'll hold your hand anytime you ask, so don't be afraid to ask if you're a little chilly or in need of some reassurance.

when he takes the gloves off, his hands are silky smooth. did you expect anything different? i can see him being very methodical abut hygiene in general, and in this case i think he's always using a nice lotion on his hands before he puts his gloves on for the day. when they come off, his hands are soft and sweet-smelling-- like cocoa butter and vanilla.

he doesn't paint his nails or anything, but they always look very nice. his liberal use of lotion pairs well with his other grooming habits. his cuticles are never overgrown, his nails are always short and uniform, and his nail beds are healthy and clear. it's minor, but it just adds to the overwhelming perfection that simeon exudes.

Solomon

solomon's hands are somehow both clammy AND cold. pick a struggle, peepaw.

on the plus side, his hands are soft. even in the winter, solomon never has to worry about rough knuckles or dry skin. which is good, because you cannot convince me that this man would remember to regularly apply lotion. he's a menace.

his hands are pale, like the rest of them, but also more veiny than i think most would anticipate. he's got one prominent one heading to his ring finger, and the rest are a bit smaller but still noticeable. his pale skin allows you to see the blue of his veins underneath. they're interesting to just stare at at watch move when he flexes his fingers.

i can see him wearing a ring or two on occasion. i don't think he'd care a whole lot about the aesthetics, but i think he'd put in enough effort to wear gold when his outfit has gold and switch to silver when wearing outfits with silver in them. it's a small thing, but it lets your know he's putting in at least a little thought.

Luke

luke has got such little, cute hands. his fingers are small and a little stubby, just like his nails. his nails also grow slowly, too, so he doesn't have to do much to keep them presentable.

unfortunately, they're often a little sticky. he bakes a lot, and while he's not usually dirty or messy, he's still young and somehow just attracts stickiness like any other child. it's especially bad when he uses honey in his recipes-- his hands are perpetually sticky for like two or three days after, no matter how often he washes his hands.

luke is a nervous little child, and for that i could see him being someone that picks at his cuticles. simeon gently discourages this habit, but at the end of the day he can't do much but make sure they heal properly.

BONUS:

Thirteen

she gives barbatos a run for his money in the cold hand competition. her fingers are ice. unlike barbatos, she will use this to her advantage. you'll find her frigid fingers on the back of your neck or under the hem of your shirt when you least expect it. she doesn't have any reason to do this. she just thinks it's funny.

her hands are a little dry, mainly around the knuckles. she strikes me as someone that constantly rubs her dry hands together and bitches about needing lotion, while simultaneously never remembering her own. she probably bums a dab of lotion off of someone ever day (i'm thinking asmo).

her nails are always really nice. they're just naturally shaped really well, round at the top and pretty straight. they're strong and don't break easy, which is good, because a hangnail can throw off her concentration for an entire afternoon.

Raphael

like belphegor, raphael's hands are an upsetting temperature-- no matter how warm or cold your hands are, his feel lukewarm against yours. it should literally be impossible, but then again, a lot of things you've encountered in the devildom should be impossible.

he's got some calluses. they're pretty interesting, honestly-- if he was a human, he'd have the bumpy, dry hands of a weathered veteran or lonely woodworker, all rough skin and long years embedded into his flesh. but he's an angel. the calluses on his hands are small and fairly easy to miss if you don't touch him. but run your hand along the ridges of his fingers or the fatty parts of his palms and you'll find them just fine.

raphael has really pretty nail beds. something about the way they look is just so clean and nice. he never has overgrown cuticles or anything, either. just really nice hands for a man that does not spare a single thought to the way they look.

Mephistopheles

this man has hands like butter. they're just so soft and luxurious. you think they'd be a bit more rugged seeing as he's a rich boy with a penchant for horseback riding, but no. i can see him being very anal about his hands. they're always soft with not a callous or imperfection in sight.

speaking of perfect, this motherfucker has amazing nails. they're just a tad longer than you'd expect to be traditionally "masculine", but that just enhances how slender and pretty his fingers look. no wonder he's always pointing and gesturing so dramatically-- he's gotta show off all that hard work!

pretty boy here just has really nice, strong hands. not really veiny, but very smooth and even. his palms are a bit lighter than his skintone, naturally, but across the board there's no discoloration or scarring to be seen. you can tell he's a noble just by looking at his hands.

he's usually in those gloves but, if not, i could see him being a rings kinda guy. only tasteful ones, though, and in moderation. not like mammon.

[joohanisms]

xdh + their favorite way to make you cum 💭💫

this is soo silly and more of a characterization exercise than anything else but!! i hope you guys like it <3

cw: oof here we go, afab reader, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, mention of thigh riding/dry humping, overstimulation, mention of squirting and dacryphilia, edging, slight begging, fingering, twitter porn link in junhan's, oral (fem receiving), mention of face sitting if you squint wc: ~900

gunil

dick.

a traditional man

Nothing beats some pounding. he Will make you cum with his dick inside your cunt.

big fan of cumming together <3

he's all about the connection, honoring the making love expression, fucking you deep and slow...

but dw, he Will have his balls slapping your clit while taking you from the back if the situation (your sex drives) requires.

likes making you a little cock dumb. it boosts his ego in unimaginable way – he's making you feel so good you can't think about anything else other than him <3

will probably go a bit insane if he ever hit it raw. like there had been very few times he came before you. but this was a moment.

he'd be sooooo overwhelmed over how much he Loves and Wants you + your pussy ain't helping him at all :-(

jungsu

idk how to say what i mean but. non-penetrative stuff

dry humping, having you hump his leg, thigh riding, being used i guess? but in a loving way <3

his thoughts are somewhere around damn this is so low maintenance?? i'm not even doing anything?? and i make you feel good this easily?? this is all i've ever asked for??

but not in a "lazy" way. you know how he's always looking out for everyone? now he can take care of you only by standing still/rutting himself against you. not having to think is refreshing sometimes, you know?

in his opinion, it's sooooo absurdly hot to be able to make you cum without barely doing anything!!

has accidentally cummed in his boxers multiple times in his haste to make you cum.

btw if you can cum untouched (only by nipple stim, for exemple) he might die on the spot

if he's in a dommy mood, he will also play with you through your underwear just to be a tease :-(

jiseok

absolute menace

likes overstimulation very much.

doesn't really have a favorite method to do so, but is best with his fingers (as expected from a guitarist)

has a vibrator.

looovesss to play with your clit. will go LBLBBLBLHLLLBLBLHL with his tongue (i laughed writing this)

bonus points if you either squirt or cry!

even more bonus points if your mascara runs off!

aaand it's top tier sex if he gets to cum on you later!!

will hold your hips down and pull your hands away if you squirm too much – but if you start uttering the first syllable of the safeword he is immediately off of you.

if you ask nicely, he'll let you use a vibrator on him and give him a taste of his own medicine <3

and just a psa: i think that because of his love to overstimulate you and wreck you, he'd be one of the members who would be so down for a threesome he'd suggest it himself <33

seungmin

another menace.

as insane as jiseok but all the way on the other side of the menace spectrum = edging king

so controlling and aware of his every move. will make you INSANE, sobbing pleaseplewspelspelseseungminseungmin, have you like 5 seconds away from cumming .. and then he STOPS????

although you know the orgasm will hit you harder after being edged, you cant help but want to kill him /lovingly

will get you worked up and stop touching you (you whine) only to go hard on you (you nearly scream) in any way he'd like :-)

if you favor any method, he'll be more than happy to comply!!

likes it a lot when you get a little desperate. he will shush you, say "it's okay, baby" and start POUNDING. you see stars when you finally cum <3

hyeongjun

i have a vision bear with me.

fingering. but you're across his lap. like this. (PORN LINK for reference)

really likes fingering you in general because it doesn't matter how lazy he is at the moment, he Will be making you cum! cleanup is pretty easy too :-)

his sex drive is something like a low thrum. he's not usually insanely horny, but he's slightly horny (nearly) all the time, willing to make you feel good (as long as it's not public. he has limits.)

so if you come onto him, he's ready to give it to you – sometimes he won't even take his clothes off. he'll just focus on you.

the power trip it gives him + the feeling of being in control makes his head spin... 😵‍💫

will inevitably get hard by the time you cum and you inevitably get him off then.

jooyeon

absolute MUNCH!!!!!!

pussy to his face all day. smother him. hold his hair in a ponytail. give him thigh earmuffs. could probably go a month with only pussy and a cup of water

sit on his nose. if he dies he dies

absolutely sloppy with it but insanely good

drooly boy <33333

when he's in his usual bratty mood he will be SOOOOO cocky and smug to the point you would slap him on the back of his head if his tongue wasn't making you see stars.

in a subby mood though... puppy. puppy boy. if you pull his hair, he'll moan so sweetly against your cunt :-(

if you pull him away from you while he's at it, he'll rest his head on your thigh and look at you with sparkling eyes and a wet chin, waiting for an explanation as to why you're interrupting his 5-star meal.

[halfagone]

Is Good Parents Maddie and Jack Fenton even possible?

Specifically, would they be able to change their mindset after over twenty years of bigotry and scientific curiosity?

If they saw their human son turn into Phantom, would they still think of him as their kid? Would they love him, accept him and support him?

I, personally, can't see the canon reveals as anything but a kid friendly compromise of giving the viewers the satisfaction of a reveal and keeping the status quo of the light-hearted show going.

But with everything the Fenton parents did, said, and invented... is it possible for them to turn their backs on their research and start from scratch? To admit that they were wrong after decades of being called quacks, crazy and idiots?

The only thing they were right about was the existence of ghosts, but now they endangered the whole world by building their portal that half-killed their son and traumatised millions of people.

So. Is it possible to write a Good Parents Jack and Maddie fic that doesn't shy away from all the awful things they did and how would you go about it?

Thank you for your time!

The short answer: Technically? Yes. Realistically? Probably not.

The long answer: Everyone is capable of change but not everyone will. For all intents and purposes, they are capable of growing as people and learning to recognize their mistakes and biases and leaving those behind... It just likely wouldn't be a simple flick of a switch. At the same time there is reason to believe that the Fentons wouldn't change their minds.

You said it yourself, over twenty years they've acted like this and so logically you would begin to assume that's just how they've always been and always will be. That shows this goes far beyond their parenting style and skills, and has everything to do with who they are as people.

(Buckle up, this one's a long post.)

We don't actually know all that much about the Fenton parents in canon. We don't see any grandparents or relatives other than Aunt Alicia. Although we have headcanons as a fandom that Jack and Maddie have ghost-related trauma, or it's a family tradition from the Fenton side with Jack Fentonightingale, to explain why they've always been like this, that is still no canon confirmation. (Fentonightingale was a witch hunter, not a ghost hunter after all.)

As far as we are aware, for one reason or another, one day Jack and Maddie started to believe ghosts were real and not just real but malicious. I may not be a scientist by career but even I can tell you they've failed in their duties as scientists the moment they chose their hypotheses over the evidence. That is literally something they teach you in high school science class; you ask a question and then research for evidence supporting that question. (Otherwise known as the "if... then" statement.)

Sometimes that means your first assumption was incorrect, but the evidence cannot be changed. So to me, the Fenton parents aren't ghost scientists, they're ghost hunters and those implications have connotations all of their own. And those connotations reflect poorly on them. And this isn't even to mention their general lack of workplace safety.

When we look at their friendships- they have no friends. They had Vlad in college, but they fucked up that relationship and don't even seem too broken up about it. They hadn't spoken to each other in twenty years until the reunion, and they obviously knew he'd made something of himself; Jazz recognized his name from Billionaire of the Year I think the magazine was supposed to be or something.

When Jack explains what happened to Vlad in "Bitter Reunions", he literally mentions how he thinks Vlad has forgiven him now. So obviously he acknowledges that what happened between them was due an apology.

Do you know something that's noticeably absent? A single apology from either Jack or Maddie. Yes, Jack might be more at fault in his accident, but Maddie ignored him for twenty years too. Vlad can talk whatever crap he'd like about Jack, but Maddie is just as culpable in his 'abandonment' as her husband is. We have proof from "Masters of All Time" that Maddie isn't afraid to go behind her husband's back and do what she wants. If she truly cared about him, she would have made an effort and she never did.

But of course, now we have to talk about them as parents. That's where things get... a lot more complicated.

In "Maternal Instincts" at one point Maddie is shown carrying Danny piggy-back style. It's never explained, it's not played off as a joke. Danny isn't injured and neither is he faking an injury. It's literally just something Maddie did, probably with the idea that she's taking care of and protecting him. And Danny isn't embarrassed by it at all, even when he's been shown to be ashamed of some of his parents' other antics.

In "Girls Night Out", Jack takes Danny fishing as a father-son bonding activity. And I mean that literally, he got the idea from a book called 'Father/Son Relationships For Stupids!'. That might imply that he's a bad parent but that also goes to prove that he's aware of his shortcomings as a father and is genuinely trying to do more for his son. Not everyone comes to parenthood naturally, so for Jack to actively search for advice- even if it comes from a book- says that he wants to do this parent thing.

But in my opinion, the episode that best reveals how the Fentons function as a family is "The Fenton Menace" (and no, that's not just because my blog description references it lol). In that episode, we see Jazz's failings as a supportive sister almost from the very start; in her opening narration, she talks about how she knows his secret and yet when he insists through and through that he sees a ghost, she still thinks she knows better/otherwise. We also get a touching moment where Maddie talks about spending quality time with the people you love (which is a line almost word for word from the show, by the way).

However, there are two things that stand out the most from this episode. This is the episode where we get the line: "Whether it's air, land, or sea I won't stop until we capture a ghost and tear it apart. Molecule by molecule." In response to this, Danny gets visibly upset. It is probably one of the most damning pieces of evidence in the entire series that his parents' behavior genuinely bothered him. He makes jokes about them shooting or experimenting on him, but humor can and often is used as a coping mechanism. After that quote? Danny didn't try to hide his reaction until later on when Jazz asked him. And even then he dismisses it with a quip.

The second thing from this episode also so happens to feed into my main point for this entire argument: This is the episode where Jack and Maddie attempt to 'spin the crazy' out of Danny. That kind of behavior is something you'd find in places like Arkham Asylum, which is notorious for their inhumane treatment of its patients. Decidedly not something you expect to see from supposedly loving parents. That absolutely constitutes as cruel and unusual punishment and yet it's not even meant to be a punishment.

They sincerely think that they're trying to help him by doing this. And that's the heart of the issue, in my opinion. Jack and Maddie don't think about other people. They don't think about their feelings or their safety or their privacy. They are so caught up in the idea that they are doing good that they never stop to think that they're part of the problem. Or the entire problem altogether.

The only time that we get some decent self-reflection is during Reality Trip, when Danny's identity is revealed by Freakshow and the Fenton parents and Jazz are taken as hostages. While they're stuck and trapped, they question why Danny had never told them his identity before, which is when Jazz comments about the poor way they used to treat his ghostly side. It's only then that it clicks for them that oh yeah we did that. That's what it took for them to recognize that their actions have consequences and even with good intentions, you are capable of hurting the people you love.

And I think that's one of the best ways to go about it. You need to give them the time and opportunity for that self-reflection and reclamation. Jack and Maddie are- naturally- a shoot first and ask later (if ever) type of people. One way or another, there needs to be a way for them to pull back and sit and look around for once.

There are many ways to address this too and make way for the possibility of Good Parents Jack and Maddie. One of the fics that immediately comes to mind for me is @akela-nakamura's Not Everything Is As It Seems. In this one we focus on Jack's perspective, and this fic made me So Unwell with its quiet gravitas, I can never recommend it enough. But if you want something from Maddie's perspective, then you can read @peachdoxie's incredible Trust Your Instincts fic. It is 36 chapters, already completed, and it's this beautiful journey through Maddie's Outsider POV.

As for me personally, I explored the subject in Chapter 51 of my fic lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood, Interlude III: Dynasty. We actually get two different reactions from the Fenton parents, one that is more from a 'Good Parent' and one from a 'Bad Parent'.

I think the most important part is to never shy away from talking about and exploring all the horrible things they did and have done. It's difficult to discuss, but the subject is complicated and to address it as anything less than complicated wouldn't be fair to those moments where the Fentons genuinely did want to be there for their children.

Does it make any of their behavior right? No. Does it prove that they can change? Yes. Will they? ...That will have to be left up to each individual writer.

If you found yourself in a similar family situation, of course you're gonna want your family or your parents to grow or choose you. Because you love them, and you want to keep them in your life. But at some point you have to think about yourself and your own safety and health. That doesn't mean you give up on them, but you protect yourself from the fallout in case they don't change.

Every person is capable of it, but not every person is willing to. The Fenton parents are no different in that regard.

[spell-cleaver]

Do you think vader looks at lukes escapades and it like "So was that a Skywalker move or a Naberrie move?"

Luke gets rescued after his 12th swlf sacrificing stunt of the month and all he hears as he's dragged off to the Executor is Vader muttering about damned Naberrie genes

I don't think Vader would ever speak a word against Padmé haha. If Padmé was reckless, well, she was brave and bold and brilliant, wasn't she? If Anakin was reckless, what an idiot. So I definitely don't think he complains about Naberrie genes. I think if he looked at Luke he'd find a way for every single feature about Luke he liked to have come for Padmé, while every feature that worried him came from Anakin.

So I think he definitely looks at Luke's insane shenanigans and thinks, "He's such a Skywalker." BUT! There are two other important influences to add to the equation! He definitely blames Kenobi. And he probably blame the Lars family as well.

For Owen and Beru, this is patently unfair and hypocritical. I frequently think about that post that talks about Owen Lars holding the longest record for holding off Skywalker bullshit. I think Vader is out here complaining that growing up on a crime hole like Tatooine, Luke has clearly picked up horrible habits, a disregard for his own life, an unnervingly familiarity with recklessness - clearly this is all those farmers' fault. Which is so not fair! Luke grew up on Crime Planet but in fact did not see anything of it until his aunt and uncle died. I would argue that the only instincts of self-preservation that Luke has, he has because Owen and Beru drilled them into him.

But for Obi-Wan? Yeah, that's fair. Biggest hypocrite of them all. He complains about Anakin being reckless and is afraid of Luke being reckless, but then in a day he undoes all of Owen and Beru's hard work by taking Luke to a wretched hive of scum and villainy, introducing him to the worst smuggler in the galaxy, and getting him captured by the Empire. Also, in this time he has taken Luke's dreams of adventure and dialled them up to the max by telling him all about his father so Luke wants to be cool and adventurous like him.

All this to say: There's no way Vader blames Naberrie genes for Luke's insanity. He probably does have some awareness that Skywalker genes are at fault. But what's far more convenient is for Vader, in the tradition of many Sith Lords of his time, to just shout, "KENOBI!!!" and be done with it.

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 30

First / Previous / Next

Fen could only describe the next few days as odd. Around her extended family Zhe started to change. Her language became more gruff and she carried two soar-knives. They were thin, razor sharp leaf shaped blades connected to her wrists with a reel of monofilament wire. She showed Fen how they're used. She can toss them lightly or with force and they fly from her hands and soar across a room. If they don't find a target, she can swing her arms and cause the monofilament to fly around, causing mayhem where they touch. They were originally developed by the Gren who never really developed traditional throwing weapons, but their bladed weapons were bar none. Fen thought it odd that they made the soar knife one that could be thrown, but Zhe explained that it was developed after the Gren made it to space, so it was probably an accommodation for microgravity.

Regardless of why it was developed, it was a wicked weapon and Zhe was a master in its use. Fen started carrying around her battle rifle as well, slung to her back. It wasn't out of place, most of the pirates were armed on the Heap. Fen offered Northern a pistol to carry, but she turned her nose up at the weapon. "The day I need a gun to defend myself is a sad day Fen." She refused to elaborate.

Everyone onboard was friendly, but standoffish. Fen was willing to chalk that up to them being new on the Heap, but Zhe was worried. "Sure, they're careful about visitors, but I'm family for Ancestors sake. Once I vouch for you, it should be songs and drinking time. Instead they're... polite." Zhe's ears twitched, irritated. "Something is going on."

"Like what? Do you think Hemmi is causing trouble?" They were back onboard the Frigate. Northern wasn't connected, so it was just some rooms and a kitchen for them. The airlock was sealed though.

"Or in trouble. If he was here, I'd have a better handle on everyone. Hemmi has been in charge for cycles. He's practically an institution."

Northern glanced at Fen who tried not to make a face.

"What?" While they were with the pirates, Zhe also seemed to become more aware. It was fascinating to Fen. She was practically developing into another person - or her real personality was starting to surface.

"I wonder if we arrived at a bad time, Zhe. It feels like leadership on the Heap is changing."

Zhe's tail started to flick back and forth. "You're thinking a coup? Hemmi wouldn't stand for it, he'd space everyone he could find that was planning to oust him. It's not like he's never done it before."

Fen blinked, "He... spaced people?"

"Sure, how else are you going to send a message that insubordination won't be tolerated. Hemmi is in charge, what Hemmi says goes."

Fen leaned forward, fascinated. "Hemmi is like your father, right?"

"Like? Hemmi is my father." Zhe smiled.

"K'laxi don't normally care about that sort of thing. At least my famililal line didn't. There were the adults, there were the kids and there were the elders. Who came from whom was never discussed."

"Hemmi was not into that whole thing. He cared about the kids he sired and where they came from. Moms thought it was silly, but he always ran paternity tests. I was Hemmi's kid and he was raising me to lead after him." Zhe turned away from them. "Then, I left to go straight and I know it broke Hemmi's heart. I hope he's all right. I want to see him."

While Zhe was brooding in the kitchenette, there was a repeating tone over the speakers. Northern looked up and made a face. "Fen, that's a radio beacon. We're being hailed."

Fen unfolded her pad and tapped and slid until she found ship controls, and then tapped and slid again until she found the radio. The signal was scratchy and weak, from far across the system. "-dentified frigate, unidentified frigate, this is Hemmi Navarren and I'm hoping you're here to lend me a hand." His voice sounded out of breath and tired.

Zhe's ears pricked and she shouted. "Daddy! It's Zhe, what's wrong?"

There was a pause on the line. Fen had thought it was cut, but then there was a shuddering sigh. "You came back sunbeam. You came back. Ancestors, it's good to hear your voice." As soon as he heard Zhe's voice he sounded stronger, as if he was given a burst of energy. "Listen sunbeam, there's trouble. Rev knows about it, but he has declared himself to be neutral. Have you been aboard the Heap?"

"Yes Daddy, everyone seems standoffish, but they were polite enough."

"That's because they knew what was happening, and didn't want you to know. I imagine they were hoping you would come, and then leave right away."

"Wait wait wait, everyone was treading on eggshells because they didn't want Zhe to know? Why?"

Even through the weak radio signal, everyone could hear Hammi's grin. "Because Zhe is merciless. Once I turn her loose, It will be like a hull breach. It will be like a hurricane." He pronounced the human word oddly, like he wasn't used to speaking Colonic. "Zhe hon. They tried to kill me. They nearly succeeded. I beat them back and spaced the rest, but my runabout is damaged. I'm printing some parts to fix the wormhole generator, but I won't be able to link to the Heap until tomorrow. Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything Daddy." Zhe's voice was a tight whisper, and her furred hands were already gripping the soar-knives.

"Go take care of them. Leave Rev, leave Elmar, and leave Xiian."

"See you soon Daddy."

"See you soon, sunbeam."

The line was cut. Fen listened to the backround of radiation of space for two beats before she looked over at Zhe. She was already making her way towards the airlock. "Zhe! Wait!"

Zhe turned and whipped her face around to Fen, her mouth a snarl, and her ears vibrating. "Fen, either come help or lock yourself in the frigate until I'm done. I've got work to do."

Fen spun her rifle to the front and racked a fresh round. "You're not doing this alone. If you're sure this is what you need to do, I'm with you all the way."

For just an instant, Zhe's face registered something Fen was surprised to see. She saw, anger. Anger at Fen coming along? Fen found it odd, she was having an easier time reading body language. She was always decent at it, but now it was like nobody had any secrets for her. She then softened. "It will be dangerous Fen."

"The way everyone here is frightened of you? The way Hemmi said you were like a hurricane?" Fen winked. "I'll come along. I need to make sure you survive to meet Hemmi at the dock."

Zhe turned to Northern. "And you?"

Northern held up both her hands. "And ruin my clothes? These are the latest from Hyacinth. No, I'll go become the ship again and keep an eye out for people trying to make a getaway, and waiting to hear from your Dad."

"Thanks Northern, thanks Fen." Zhe pushed the cycle button on the airlock. "Let's go make sure my Dad has a place to come home to."

As they stepped into the Heap, there was a K'laxi that Fen didn't recognize standing around. His gun - a human pistol modified for K'laxi use - was in its holster around his chest, and his tail was limp and his years droopy. He was clearly bored. Zhe flicked the soar knife at him and took his head off before he even registered their presence.

With a twist of her wrist, the soar knife reeled itself back to her hand, the blood flying off as it returned. "This way Fen." She pointed towards one of the doors over to the side. Striding up to it, the door slid open automatically.

"Oh Hey, Fe-" Another K'laxi's head removed before they could even finish their sentence. As they continued down the hall, Fen would see someone, kill them, and continue on. Fen followed mute, wondering what was going on. Surely there would be an alarm by now? Wasn't there some kind of central administration? Was the Heap really just a pile of ships loosely tied together?

They reached a bar or cantina or something. There were a few dozen people inside eating, drinking, playing games, nothing special, nothing specific. Zhe walked in and scanned the crowd. She gestured for Fen to stand back. As they did the bartender looked up and said, "Hey Zhe, are you here-" As their head was removed.

Zhe flicked both soar knives out and spun. This time, there was enough people that the screams could be heard. Fen would stand and gesture with her arms as the nearly invisible monofilament wire careened about the room. Tables, chairs, lights, flesh, nothing stopped it. People would stand up to reach for their gun and their top half would slide off their bottom half. They'd drop to the floor and try and shimmy away, and the blade of the knife would find the back of their neck. All Fen could do was watch and see if anyone got away.

None did.

Eventually, the screams turned to gurgles and whimpers, and then stopped. Zhe reeled the knives back to her hands and turned. In the corner was Rev, who was standing still as a statue, his hand still holding his drink, halfway to his mouth.

She was next to him in a flash, one of the knives in her hand millimeters from his eye. "Hemmi says you live." She looked down at his arm. "But living is a spectrum, isn't it?" She twisted her wrist awkwardly and the hand holding the drink popped off like it was a toy. To his credit, Rev didn't scream, but Fen could see the color run from his skin under his fur. Zhe reached into a pocket and slapped a portable med over the stump. "If I find that you reattached it, I'll take another and cauterize the stump with a laser." All he could do was nod.

"We're not done yet, Fen." Zhe didn't even look back as she left the bar.

They continued on, and there was a sound like thunder, distant and rumbling" Northern's firing the slug throwers." Zhe's answer was distant, distracted.

"Sorry ladies, had a ship try and make a break from the Heap. Zhe, do you want it destroyed or just disabled?"

"Disable it. No sense in wasting scrap. We'll take care of the crew and strip it for parts later. If nothing else, it'll have a wormhole generator." She stopped and thought. "Actually Northern, can you hole it? We can patch a hole, and that saves us the effort of boarding."

"If I couldn't do that, I'd have no right piloting a frigate, Zhe." They heard a sound like a single loud muffled thump, like someone dropped a dictionary in the next room. "They're holed. I can see them venting atmo. Should be gone by the time you're done with your massacre."

"Thanks Northern" Zhe continued on. "That ship probably held Xiian, daddly will be sad he died, but he'll understand."

"Who is Xiian?" Fen had decided a while back her only job was to follow along and give Zhe someone to talk to when she needed it.

"He's the one who tried to usurp daddy last time. He kept him alive as a warning."

"A warning about what?"

"A warning to others about what happens when you cross Hemmi Navarren. The idea was that anyone who got ideas would speak to Xiian and he'd set them straight. Worked for a few years, until it didn't." Almost as an afterthought, an alarm sounded throughout the Heap. Zhe looked up and frowned. "That'll be Elmar. She thinks that I won't kill her."

"Why would she think that?"

"She's one of my moms."

"Oh." K'laxi mating practices are... chaotic. Part of the reason that they didn't tend to place a lot of emphasis on who came from who was the fact that that nobody was ever really sure. Hemmi was unusual that he would run paternity tests to find 'his' kids, but apparently he never did that to find out which one of the females birthed them.

Zhe broke into a run and she took off down a hall. Fen ran to catch up. "Zhe, it seems like there's not a lot of people here?"

"Yeah, I think most of them left when word of the coup got out. People either loyal to Daddy but who didn't want to get involved, or people who wanted to just wait for it all to blow over. Makes our job easier at least. Hey Northern!" Zhe had toggled her comm. "Anyone else try to leave?"

"No Zhe, not yet. Though, I think I see your dad's runabout. I just caught a glimpse of a ship linking in nearby. They're a good distance out though, and keeping station."

"Yeah, that'll be dad. He's giving me a chance to finish the job."

"You have an odd family, Zhe."

"Oh, they're fine once you get to know them Northern. We'll have a reunion soon."

[setokaibapetty]

5 + 1 Fic Friday Roundup: On Campus

One of the things that April is an awareness month for is community college. So, have some fanfic with student//teacher characters or a school setting.

Mahogany (AO3) - "Shepard and squaddies are students at the elite Galactic Training Academy. (Think Starfleet meets Hogwarts. In space.) Reapers have been dead for hundreds of years, but there are still plenty of baddies out in the galaxy. Shepard-in-training rises to the occasion, with the aid of her squad and a certain snarky flight student. Currently Rated M for language and mature situations."

The Night Will Come but Not to Stay (AO3) - "Jazz is excited about going to Gotham University for college. It's halfway across the country from Amity Park and anyone who knows about her weird family or ghost nonsense. Finally, she can pretend to be a normal woman who just wants to go into psychiatry. She meets a cute guy named Jason, and they seem to be getting along great."

Form 23-C: Application for a New Roommate (AO3) - "After battling ninjas, aliens, madmen, mafiosos, other heroes and death itself, Jason was about to face his most unknown foe yet: a normal life. It's fine. He'd always dreamed of going to college and for once reality sort of lived up to expectations. He loves the classes, he can handle the workload and his cases too. His roommate is a total douche, but whatever. Jason's fine, he's got this. Then he meets his roommate's brother. Jason totally doesn't have this."

Holy Romantic Overtures, Batman! (AO3) - "After the heist of a lifetime, henchman!Jason decides to go legit and enrolls in college. The last person he expected to see there was Robin, and he certainly didn’t expect to fall for him either. But somehow it all works out. Maybe it’s all the labels?"

campus cryptid vs. future valedictorian (AO3) - "Mara Glass did not care about "weird hot guy," the supposed "campus cryptid." She had heard of him her first couple years and had him pointed out to her by a classmate once, but what was there to notice? Okay, he was probably thirty, a nontraditional student, so what? There were a number of those around. Apparently he was hot--well congrats to people who were into people, they could keep him. And if you asked Mara, from her extremely objective perspective, those Disney-green eyes were doing a lot of heavy lifting. There was nothing particularly noteworthy about a thirty-something guy who didn't talk about himself to twenty-year-old classmates. He probably had, like, a real life. There were rumors he was married, although Brittany noted that the only reason people thought that was because one time someone heard him finish a phone call with, "You light the candles, I'll bring dinner. I love you." None of that was remotely interesting to Mara. He sounded like a normal person, and she wished people would shut up about him. Then in third year, she had a history class with weird hot guy."

Bonus: Scholastic Nightmare (AO3) - "Nara Sayuri, a religious studies major from a traditional household, would be hard pressed to come up with a worse nightmare. It was her first time presenting a paper at a conference and apparently her paper was so wrong that one of her ancestors - a deified ancestor, the Shikabane-hime herself - came down from the heavens specifically to point out how off base Sayuri was."

[wing-ed-thing]

Hidan x Reader x Kisame Love Triangle Headcanons

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns, Vulgar Comments, Boundary Pushing

𓆃 Insufferable and quite dangerous, too! While there are most definitely insufferable and dangerous dynamics to beware of— especially with two members of the Akatsuki fighting over you— being stuck between Hidan and Kisame is probably one of the most dangerous dynamics.

𓆃 Bless your soul, because both are unbearably pushy and quick to a make altercations physical with little regard for their surroundings.

𓆃 The real factor to be aware of is Hidan's temper. While Kisame may be around for a good time, he's also an instigator, and with Hidan's hairpin temper, their feud will be as traditional and blatant as a love triangle gets.

𓆃 Make no mistake, both men are going to make their interest in you very obvious and very explicit.

𓆃 Hidan is far more blatant with his flirting, stating exactly what he wants and what he likes. Hidan isn't above commenting on your physical appearance. Everything is fair game and he doesn't care about your environment or anyone who may hear in the slightest.

𓆃 Telling him to stop will make him confused, because he doesn't find anything wrong with what he's saying and will insist that, "Ya know, there are some real sickos out there with no self restraint. Some real perverts" before making a vulgar comment in the same breath.

𓆃 "What's wrong with me sayin' I like your ass? It's a nice ass; what am I supposed to say? I like other things too if that's the problem. I can go into detail. Want me to go into detail?" No matter the answer, he has already started going into detail.

𓆃 He's also surprisingly particular on a certain level, laying out the kind of relationship he wants with you, what he expects from you, and what you can expect from him.

𓆃 Which, might be mistaken for intelligent thought if it weren't for the fact that his terms are stupid and change constantly.

𓆃 He wants monogamy, but if he thinks someone else is hot, he doesn't want you to be mad if he has a relationship or relations with other people. But he doesn't want you to... unless he also thinks that person is attractive in which case he wants to— wait no, scratch that, monogamy—

𓆃 Oh, and he wants a homebody, but he doesn't want to do mission work any more so you'll have to take a good amount of high-class shinobi missions. But he doesn't actually know what a homebody does of what that is, so—

𓆃 Kisame is a bit more subtle and one to poke at you and tease you. He likes getting a reaction, no matter if it's positive or negative. And while he'd prefer it from you, he's not above getting his kicks from the people around you (Hidan).

𓆃 Hidan, on the other hand, is completely oblivious to Kisame's mental games and will respond accordingly.

𓆃 It feels like Kisame is always trying to lure you into something. Whether it's just a verbal blunder or a literal "how about we take a walk... I don't think anyone will notice" he's always got something up his sleeve.

𓆃 "No"s are met with prying before he eventually gives in with a hearty laugh which makes you wonder if he was ever serious to begin with.

𓆃 "What? You don't like nature? Afraid I'm gonna get ya?" he'll laugh.

𓆃 He likes to phrase his pushing of your boundaries as teasing questions, a favorite being, "What? You're too good to have friends?"

𓆃 Yes, Kisame loves to insist that you're friends. All the time, and that's practically his excuse to seek you out for fist bumps, conversation, and sparring.

𓆃 You think he just wants your attention and your time, but it's up to you to determine how sinister he's feeling on any given day. It's less that he wants to hurt you specifically and more the fact that Kisame plays rough.

𓆃 And if you can't handle that, well, then Kisame supposes you weren't the one after all.

𓆃 He also seems to always have you on lock as Kisame likes to keep track of you visually whenever you're in the same vicinity. Although, Kisame doesn't try to be so blatantly near you all the time.

𓆃 He isn't "desperate" like some "other Akatsuki members."

𓆃 Hidan, on the other hand, likes your attention to feel recognized rather than more playful reasons. Kisame does not need your approval or validation, which can be one of the more refreshing aspects of your relationship.

𓆃 Unfortunately, Kisame is too smart to be distracted. While Hidan is very easy to distract, you can often find yourself stuck in between misdirecting Hidan and avoiding Kisame.

𓆃 If you can pull it off, you might be able to pit them against each other. Kisame wants a fight and Hidan can be riled up enough to engage, but too much of this can easily land you in hotter water.

𓆃 Sending Hidan out on random tasks and staying assertive with Kisame might be your best bet for survival... you know, until you figure out what you actually want to do...

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Err on The Side of Awesome

(Not my gif)

Kol Mikaelson's Daughter Headcanons

Requested by: @katherinereilly19

Here lies my Masterlist

You were adopted by Kol and Davina Claire-Mikaelson at age six from a Catholic orphanage run by nuns who all thought you were some sort of demon child.

See, like your adopted father, you were a witch and had come into your power rather early. Davina had been sensing some odd power flares in the area and, when she and Kol had gone to investigate, there you were - a sweet, little bundle of mischief with more power than you knew what to do with.

To say that you had Kol wrapped around your little finger from the first second he saw you would be no exaggeration. Seriously. 

Kol had never thought himself fit to be a husband, let alone a parent. It still baffles him some days that Davina agreed to marry him - most days in fact - it just seemed too good to be true. They traveled the world for a while and then… Well, Davina, she…

She said she wanted kids.

She didn't say that she used to want kids or that she would have wanted them had she married someone else. Davina said she wanted to be a mom. With him. She said she wanted to have a kid with him and she wanted Kol to be that kid's dad.

At first, he almost thought it was a joke. Who in their right mind would trust him with a child? But no, Davina was serious. 

And it terrified him.

Kol is well aware of just how miserably his parents screwed up their job and he's pretty sure he couldn't do any worse but that doesn't mean he'd do well.

But the guy took just one look at you and he knew without a doubt that there was no alternative realm, no obscure future, and no minuscule probability in which he could cause you any harm.

For the first little while, you were convinced (thanks to the nuns) that you would have to be an absolute angel of a child in order to be wanted by your new parents. You helped clean things, refrain from using your magic, made your bed, brushed your teeth, and never asked for anything.

Three months in, you dropped a plate and broke down crying, begging Mr. and Mrs. Claire-Mikaelson (because you wouldn't dare call them mom and dad) not to send you back.

What began as your average Tuesday afternoon turned into a deeply formative experience when Kol sat you on his knee, looked you in the eyes, and said:

"Y/N, darling, I want you to listen to me very closely, alright? There is absolutely nothing on this earth you can do or say that will make your mother and I love you any less. There is no such thing as good enough - there is no bar you have to meet - only what you are. Now, a plate is infinitely replaceable, but you are our daughter and I will love you until the end of time. That makes you infinitely more valuable than a plate. Okay?"

"O-okay… dad?"

That was a day you never forgot as you grew older. 

Speaking of growing, no matter how old you get, Kol can and will pick you up by the ankle and hold you upside down. It never gets old.

Also, piggy-back rides.

You did go through a phase where you were convinced there was a monster in your closet.

"Dad! There's a monster in my closet and it wants to eat my toes!"

"Really? Well, I must applaud the audacity."

There were quite a few nights you spent cuddled up between them as Davina braided your hair and Kol told you a story until you fell asleep. 

Kol always refers to you and Davina as "his girls".

He's always willing to play with you, whether it be a game of tag or a complex drama plot with your dolls. (His personal favorite was when you decided to reenact the French Revolution in Barbie form.)

Daddy-Daughter Days are 100% a thing. The two of you are huge movie and arcade goers. Not to mention huge fantasy nerds. From Deltora Quest to Harry Potter to the freaking Wheel of Time - your fascination with the fantastical never fades as you grow. You never thought yourself too old to be read to at night, so Kol never stopped the tradition.

You're a little (a lot) spoiled. But not in a bad way. You're not ungrateful but let's just say you have quite a few pets.

Auntie Bex is always more than willing to babysit when your parents want some time to themselves. You remind her of Kol when he was a kid and she adores that.

Play-Dates with your cousin Hope mean quite a few headaches for your uncles Klaus and Elijah. Aunt Hayley thinks you're absolutely hilarious while Aunt Cami is convinced you're like 4 different varieties of insane. She might have a point there.

When you're old enough to be in school, you can always count on your parents to help you with your homework. You never would have made it through middle or high school without your dad, Kol is insanely good at math and chemistry. However, when it comes to anything to do with history or government, he passes the torch to Davina because even though he lived through it, he literally never paid enough attention to remember anything.

Parent-Teacher conferences are always interesting. 

"Y/N is so intelligent. Truly a joy to have in class."

"Is she now?"

Neither of them buys it for a second. You have a mischievous streak a mile long, the teacher just doesn't know that you're the one putting tacks on her chair. Kol is honestly proud and Davina may try to be the voice of reason but she can't help laughing at just how alike father and daughter turned out to be.

Now, if Hope is "miraculously well adjusted" then you're probably something like a thirty-year-old in an eight-year-old body. You're like the most chill child perhaps ever. However, just like your father, your maturity level varies with the situation.

For example, Klaus once decided it would be a good idea to whip out the "You're not even a real Mikaelson" card at a family reunion. It wasn't long before Davina had thrown Klaus into a wall and Kol and Marcel were at each other's throats. 

You honestly weren't even bothered. You knew your parents loved you and that was enough so you simply said:

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

And went back to eating your dinosaur chicken nuggets.

Marcel - apparently still a little touchy on that subject - was the last to sit down again. Little did he know just how proficient you had become with teleporting objects. Naturally, you were smirking when the whoopie cushion did its noble work.

Kol is terrified that he'll lose touch with you as you grow older.

This fear never comes to fruition.

The trust between you and your parents is something every other child ever would envy. They trust your judgment and, in turn, you trust the very few restrictions they put in place for you. It's crazy because they honestly never get mad. Like ever.

However, their disappointment is the worst thing you'll ever endure. 

 They told you not to go out one night because an old enemy of Klaus' was wandering around town. You went out anyway and you were attacked. Now, you were powerful enough to fight off your assailant and kill him, but you didn't come out of that fight unscathed. You had to limp home and tell your dad what had happened. 

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. I've done much worse in my life, for much dumber reasons. To be mad at you would make me a hypocrite. I just know you're better than this - Y/N, you've shown me that you're better than this. I'm not angry with you. I'm just extraordinarily disappointed."

It happens only once and never again.

Growing up with those two for parents ensured that you quickly mastered your magic and became one of the most powerful and skilled witches of all time. But don't think for a second that you would ever be used. They would never allow that to happen.

As you reach middle and high school, a rumor begins going around that your dad is a vampire. You just snort really loud and make no further comment. It leaves everyone wondering.

First boyfriend?

Heaven help the poor sod. 

"If you ever lay your hands on my daughter against her will, you will find that you no longer have hands. I will use the bones of them to fashion myself a new pen, with which I shall write your death certificate. Do I make myself clear?"

Once you're old enough, the basement becomes something of a witchy lab space.

Explosions are… frequent.

*Coughing* "Thank goodness your mother wasn't home for that one."

"Think again, Mikaelson."

"Oh shi-"

"Uh… Hi mom!"

You're probably the healthiest Mikaelson.

When the time comes for you to graduate, it's a hard dose of reality for Kol. He understands he has to let you live your life and he would never dream of taking that away as it was taken from him, but it's just hard.

You'll never stop being his little girl.

Special thanks to: @her-violent-delights

[eerna]

Do you think Madoc views Oak and Jude differently when it comes to fighting? In TCP, Jude said Madoc barely paid attention to her when she was fighting in the tournament and even left during the middle of it. I feel like if that was Oak, things probably would've been different. His training with Oak seems different from when he trained with Jude too.

Are you asking if Madoc is more dismissive of Jude's fighting than he is of Oak's? I do not think so. But I do think he views them very differently, and yes, trains them differently too.

Madoc sees fighting and strategy as his family legacy, a tradition he is meant to pass onto his children. Jude was the only one of his kids actually interested in "learning the trade", but all three sisters got good battle training. However, he doesn't think any of them possess the ability to kill, which is needed for a great warrior, so he doesn't think any of them is gonna truly inherit his ways. In addition to that, Jude isn't the BEST fighter, and Madoc doubtlessly knows that - she's better than many, but not good enough to stand out among immortal warriors. It's only after the tournament, after the everapple fiasco, that she shows him how badly she wants to keep learning from him. And even then, it's all theoretical, he sees her as a child he's teaching, and it's not until the very end of the book that he understands the true scope of her capabilities - once they are turned against him. So, with all that said, I don't think he was DISINTERESTED in Jude during the tournament, I think he was using the opportunity to go scheme with Balekin. The book specifically mentions Balekin also left the royal box while Eldred and Dain stayed behind, so I think it's hinting at a secret reason for Madoc's absence that Jude isn't yet aware of.

On the other hand, Madoc did not give Oak the same education his sisters got. Oak says it's because Oriana wouldn't allow it and he wasn't interested in learning, and since he moved to the mortal world when he was only 7, we will never know if Madoc planned on getting around her ban eventually. Oak was meant to be Madoc's puppet king, and Madoc could only hold power over Elfhame as long as Oak lived, so I'd imagine he'd do anything to keep the kid alive. And of course, the difference in training was because Jude and Oak had totally different issues. Jude had to learn the technique, but was mentally ready to fight because her life was often threatened. Oak knew the technique, but had to mentally prepare himself for hurting others because he was sheltered and didn't have to personally take care of any threats to his wellbeing. Jude's first impression of Madoc was that he was a killer who could end her at any moment. Oak didn't learn that until he was 10 years into calling him dad. In both cases Madoc gladly turned his children into killers, as per the family tradition.

TL;DR I think Madoc left the tournament because he was scheming with Balekin, which means he would have done so no matter which of his kids was competing. Jude and Oak got different training because they are different people with different needs. In any case Madoc is a proud dad.

[fistfightinganxietyandlosing]

let me in your atmosphere [1/3]

In which Xingqiu concocts a brilliant scheme to win the approval of his boyfriend best friend's auntie

Xingqiu prides himself in being many different things to many different people.

To most of Liyue, he's the esteemed son of the Feiyun's Commerce Guild, quiet and dignified, never wavering in his sense of duty.

To those closest to him, he's adventurous and gregarious, impish in his ways, yet possessing a strong moral compass.

But a trait that had previously remained indefatigable across all opinions(-at least, Xingqiu muses to himself, those that matter, anyway) of him thus far was likable.

...until now.

Xingqiu prides himself in being observant, in being able to discern things others did not.

He remembers how, only a year prior, he'd been able to work out that his father's newest 'business parter' had been scamming him.

The man had claimed to be an Inazuman merchant that found himself stuck in Liyue as he, rather unluckily, had been there during a business venture, when the Vision Hunt Decree was set in motion.

He'd asserted that he was carrying several boxes of exotic goods from his nation and that he believed the Feiyun Commerce Guild would make sufficient distributers.

Xingqiu's father had just been about to sign a contract with the man when he'd gotten to his feet, revealing what he'd deduced.

The man was not, in fact, a merchant- nor was he Inazuman.

He'd claimed to have been displaced four months ago when the Vision Hunt Decree had only been enacted three months ago. He had also described the fabrics which the supposed traditional Inazuman garments were woven with- fabrics which were not Inazuman at all.

Spluttering and red-faced, the man hadn't even attempted to refute his accusations, bolting out the door before Xingqiu's father could even utter a word.

Truly, one of his finest moments.

Yes, Xingqiu is certainly observant. There's no denying that.

Definitely observant enough to realize when his best friend(and maybe something more)'s auntie, despises him.

"She doesn't hate you," Chongyun tells him, his arms cross and one eyebrow raised.

Xingqiu adores Chongyun. He adores the way his face scrunches up in determination when training; adores the way his eyes light up at the thought of vanquishing evil spirits; adores the way he can never seem to remember the last line of an exorcism verse(for the record, it's 'world be saved'), and he's well aware of it too.

So are his friends, family, and probably the the entirety of Liyue Harbor at this point.

In fact, Xingqiu would readily bet all his mora on Chongyun, himself, being the sole person who's yet to realize it.

In spite of all the adoration he has for the boy, Xingqiu can't say that he finds Chongyun's words particularly reassuring, given his history with picking up on hints...

Chongyun matters(a lot) to Xingqiu which unfortunately means that the things that matter to Chongyun matter to him.

Ugh. Why does Chongyun of all people have to be Shenhe's nephew? Surely, the universe could've picked some other young exorcist for the role. It'd save Xingqiu a lot of time for more important things like being chivalrous and reading.

He's never been one to speak ill of others, preferring to deal with any and all issues privately- and it isn't as if Xingqiu has any inherent dislike for the whitehaired exorcist.

On the contrary, he finds her quite enthralling and interesting. Yet, Xingqiu cannot help but feel frustrated with her.

She seems to dislike him most vigorously, shooting him dirty glances every time they happened to come across one another and rebuffing any attempts at a pleasant conversation.

Normally, if someone acts as though Xingqiu's wronged them, he'll apologize with a lengthy but beautifully written speech.

However, as regrettable as it may be, Xingqiu doubts it'd work on Miss Shenhe.

What is, perhaps, the most maddening aspect of the situation is that he doesn't recall having done anything to offend her. He's been nothing but polite since they'd first been introduced.

For the life of him, Xingqiu cannot place his finger on the reason as to why the ropes that restrain her murderous urges don't seem to work around him.

Xingqiu decides that he's actually quite good at planning. In less than half an hour, he's managed to concoct a scheme that is almost guaranteed to result in him winning Shenhe's favor.

He's based his plan off 'how to get people to like you: a foolproof guide!', a book which Xingqiu's never needed before, but one that's he's read nonetheless.

For brevity's sake, he's summarised the book into five simple steps:

Compliment them

Discuss their interests

Aid them in the most meager of tasks

Encourage all of their pursuits

Buy them gifts

Hah, surely there's no way this can go wrong!

i made this at like 3AM 🥹

[ohblackdiamond]

the story of mandate

I have wrestled with sharing this in detail for many months, both because it is a goofy story and because, well, it is a goofy story.

I went on a protracted hunt for a number of months for the issue of Mandate (a gay pornographic magazine) in which KISS have an article, because Peter's book explicitly states it was the first magazine they ever got an article in (this is actually incorrect, but I wasn't aware of that at the time) and because I could find absolutely nothing online about the writeup itself, and I was very curious. (The text is here, and some rather lazy scans are here, if you are interested.) KISS fandom has a bit more focus on stuff like the guitars and albums (imagine that), and if there is a repository of old KISS articles, I've never found it. I've never even found where anyone posted the full text of Paul's Playgirl article, although that issue used to be easy enough to find.

That, I thought, was the end of it. It's a puff piece, even if the picture of Paul in particular is pretty nice and even if they refer to them as "boys" and their look as "spicy." An offbeat piece of KISStory (incidentally this was not KISS' first or only foray into gay magazines-- Paul, as mentioned, was in Playgirl, which while ostensibly marketed to women, had a majority gay male audience, and KISS was featured in After Dark in July 1974), that I could never unload on ebay with anywhere near the ease or success of, say, the KISS Hello Kitty Beanie Babies.

That was it, until over two years later, when--

I went to a Gene event with my dear friend @elrohare in May 2023. On a whim, I had brought the magazine along with a couple other more traditional things (the RARO and Love Gun albums), trying to decide which of these I should get him to sign for me. @elrohare as anticipated/hoped, encouraged me to get him to sign Mandate.

I was extremely torn. Mostly, though, I was worried he'd take it in a way I didn't mean it, like it was an attempt to embarrass him. I didn't, and don't, think there's anything shameful about them being in the magazine. It is not an indication of their sexuality.

But wouldn't it be neat to have a signature on Mandate, instead of a signature on, say, Rock and Roll Over? At the very least, it probably wasn't something he'd had thrust in his face often, if ever. Probably ever. While Gene is known for being exceptionally friendly regardless (at a price), I thought it might, if he was receptive, start an interesting conversation.

And if not, I had those stupid KISS baseballesque (bubblegum) cards he could sign instead.

The day came and we both were starting to regret what we had decided to do. Cynthia suggested I just turn the magazine straight to the page he was on so that Gene would hopefully ask no questions and simply, blindly, sign. I did exactly that. My nerves were so bad in general that I was shaking and Gene's handler was having to wave his little Gene-hand-puppet (he'd drawn Gene's makeup on his fingers and thumb) to distract me and Cynthia into calming down.

Not only did Gene know exactly what magazine it was, even with it turned to the correct page, he exclaimed "Mandate!" got a big smile on his face, said, "I'm texting Paul right now," stopped the entire meet and greet to text Paul, had me hold up the magazine for him to take a picture, which he then sent to Paul, and simultaneously made and ruined my life right then and there.

"Paul's in this. They thought he was--" and he kind of waved his hand.

"You're in it, too!"

"No, Paul is in it."

"But you're... okay, okay, Paul is in it..." One does not simply argue with Gene Simmons. I tried. "I...if you don't want to sign it I have baseball cards!"

He opened the magazine and then declares it to be sticky.

"It's not sticky..."

He licked his thumb and proceeded to smear it on the pages as he turned them. Slowly. He just kept on going and going and going. Page after page of black and white vintage pornography.

"Okay, where is it?" he said after awhile (apparently, even Gene can eventually tire of seeing naked people).

"Page eight!" I said, very, very, very quickly. Everyone laughed. "And Gene's on page 9!"

Gene did turn to page eight and nine. But instead, he proceeded to deface my copy of Mandate with his artwork. The mostly-naked blonde on the front cover suddenly and incredibly was graced with Paul's 1970's hair and star on his eye. I wailed "Geeeene" in a pretty pathetic squeak.

"Where do you want me to sign?"

"On your picture...." (inside the magazine) (which he did). I think, had I stopped with his signature, I would've preferred he sign it on the cover, by his artwork, but already I had an idea. An awful idea.

Let's call this the Mandate Reunion and leave it at that.

Several months later, immediately after an Ace concert, I found myself in front of Cynthia in line (we had to do this one individually). Ace's entourage gazed at Mandate magazine with great interest and murmuring. They were accustomed to records, posters, comic books. They had not seen it before. I have rarely heard great things about meeting Ace and was anticipating total silence, and Ace to just blindly sign as I'd thought that Gene would.

Ace did not.

Ace took one look at that magazine, recognized it immediately, and looked me dead in the eye, even with the sunglasses.

"That's gay." (His tone was as a statement of fact, not as a judgment/anything derisive.) "Paul is in it."

"You're in it, too. Page nine."

Ace did not acknowledge that he was, in fact, in it.

"Do you really want me to sign this?"

No, Ace, I just brought this to you so you could look at it. You never have seen a picture of yourself before.

"Yes!"

Ace acquiesced, signing by his picture (making sure his signature was larger than Gene's), and was so distracted he forgot to switch pens or ask my name (he will personalize one autograph for you and typically swaps pen colors throughout autographs), though he wished me a safe trip home.

Two out of four. Now I was obligated to try for Peter, who, happily, had deigned to do Mad Monster Atlanta, which would not require me to fly out or book a hotel. Unlike the other adventures, I couldn't do this one with Cynthia and had to fly solo. I had met Peter prior at Creaturesfest and he was incredibly kind to me-- even teased me, gently, for my high, somewhat squeaky voice. I did not think he would object too hard, but was curious. Would he, like Gene and Ace, immediately go to, "That's gay, Paul is in it," and never really admit he was in it, too? Would he have some odd inside information about how Bill had gotten them the magazine space?

None of the above.

Peter looked at that magazine, immediately said, with great interest, "Is that guy on the cover naked?"

"No, no, he's got a rug-thing... he's not naked."

"Who is that, is that David Lee Roth?"

"No, I actually don't know who it is." (Apologies for my less than stellar responses-- I should have, obviously, told him that Gene had been the one to doodle on the front cover-- but I could not believe he was responding like he was responding!)

"He's got a nice ass, though. I've seen all kinds of asses." He continued to talk about asses for a solid bit of time there, looking quite pleased with himself (I think I told him there were lots more in the magazine), though I don't remember what he said exactly.

Peter was so far removed from the gentleman-of-KISS image that, for some reason, Kissfaq enjoys espousing. It's almost like they think not trashing the rest of the band equates to sainthood and erases all memory of hotel romps, threesomes, orgies, and asses. It was incredible. Gigi looked completely and absolutely appalled, but she did manage to ask if I wanted it signed in black (to match the others), and I said yes, ma'am, and she handed him the pen. Then she said that I was "too nice a girl for this [I think she meant to hear this/have the magazine]" and I said, "Oh, I dunno about that, it is my magazine" as I departed.

I guess the real KISStory was the porno the OGs signed along the way.

In summary, I'd like to thank the wonderful @elrohare for aiding and abetting and being a thorough part of both this very ridiculous quest and throughout so many of my KISS misadventures. Something weird always happens with KISS, guaranteed.