#so having this strong of a connection for the first time in what feels like ever is something i hold onto if even too tightly

[mortalityplays]

Forgive me if I'm mistaking you for another person, but I remember you speaking at multiple points on the unsustainability of free social media services (I think especially in response to the cohost collapse?), and I'm curious on what your thoughts on bluesky are so far. I'm not an expert on the subject, but from what I've read previously it seemed like they were on track to be financially sustainable, but I don't know if the recent floods of users has thrown those projections off. Sorry if I'm mixing you up with someone else on my timeline, in that case just ignore me.

bluesky will almost certainly follow the same trajectory of monetisation => bloat => enshittification => decline as every other major platform built on venture capital and user hoarding. it's a terrible model that only works in the short term as a mirage for attracting funding and making founders look good for a year or two before they sell.

you can see the same effect in the decline of all the subscription box services that came into vogue just before covid: they feel great to use for as long as the initial injection of venture funding lasts, because the purpose of that funding at that stage is to attract users and impress the next round of funders with how pleasant/intuitive/efficient/ethical/good value the service is. that's the stage where they're handing out freebies and bowling over influencers, and every ingredient in the box is fresh and high quality and locally sourced. wow what a good deal, what a great system!!! why hasn't anyone done this before? the answer is because it's unsustainable by design. they rack up good reviews, sign on a billion new users, attract new funding from a bunch of much more credulous investors, and then gut all of the expensive parts. portions get smaller, ingredients get worse, packaging gets flimsier, prices go up, freebies turn into "5% off your first 9 boxes when you invite 3 friends", and customer service vanishes.

with social media (and platforms like discord) the logic is the same, it's just a little less glaringly obvious to the end user because they're not coming home to leaking packages of rancid chicken on the doorstep. bluesky has an advantage over tiny operations like cohost because it was founded by a billionaire making a point for the sake of his own image. it got a really significant chunk of startup funding, and the owner had existing connections and rep in the space to attract more. That's why it has survived the goldrush period, why it still feels good to use, and why users who have been burned so many times before are finally accepting it as a stable, reliable option. It's still in its venture capital honeymoon phase where the only thing worth spending money on is making the service attractive to users.

What I expect we will see next, with another mass influx of users from twitter and new funding from a rogue's gallery of tech venture sickos led by Blockchain Capital is a strong ramp up into monetising that userbase. They've already been pretty forthright about how they plan to do this, and I think it's a solid roadmap of how Bluesky will bloat and decay over the next few years:

this is a huge lol. don't worry, we're not going to hyperfinancialize the social experience through NFTs. the thing even crypto freaks started feigning amnesia about a year ago. real "our health conscious sodas are 100% arsenic free" messaging here. They know perfectly well that rubes users are suspicious of their typical 5 dimensional tech finance chess games and are patting our hands about last week's bogeymen so nobody worries too hard about whatever 'decentralised developer ecosystem' just happens to be helmed by a bunch of crypto guys. this definitely means something good and based and not a google-like single sign on user data harvesting operation.

This is the same shit that's currently rotting the floorboards of discord. Bluntly, there is no way to run a platform on this scale without gating functionality behind paid services. Discord has been squeezing free-tier file uploads and call quality etc. down steadily and cranking up subscription costs over the last year or two, throwing in chaff like animated avatar frames to try and justify the user cost. They're also doing the same misdirection thing again here, pointing to Thing We All Hate to deflect from thing we might not like very much when they do it. Booo elon booo we all hate elon!!! wait how do we feel about subscription models again,

watch out for this to kill porn on bsky like it has killed porn on every other social platform 👍 boooo we hate elon boooo stupid idiot and his 'everything app' booooo wait why do you need my tax information, what's that about mastercard,

Look, we are all aware social media is a money pit. Let's not forget dorsey was looking to sell twitter in the first place, long before elon's very public plunge into total online derangement. Subscription services are not going to plug the hole, so we are gradually going to see more and more spaghetti thrown at the wall while early funders shuffle cards and do their pyramid scheme bit bringing in stupider and stupider investments. this is the window in which bluesky will be temporarily worth using for us, for the idiot public, the poorly rendered crowd jpegs in the background of their venture capital MOBA. it's in their interests to slow and pad the decline as much as possible, because that is how they get maximally paid.

Given the scale of the money involved, and dorsey's weird ego investment, I think bluesky will probably manage a controlled drift for a good few years before it gets really bloated and painful. and by then we will all be so used to the *checks notes* decentralised developer ecosystem that we'll just be posting through it, watching another generation of columnists call another collapsing platform 'their beloved hellsite' and passing around that meme about not getting out of our chairs no sir until idk we all get on a fediverse neurolink alternative to stick it to the elongated muskrat and our brains pop peacefully in our sleep. which I guess is the closest thing to viability any social media platform can achieve.

anyway diogenes the cynic is also on bluesky

[maybefae]

How do others perceive you?

Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3

Remember, this is a general reading and it may not resonate for everyone or completely. Tarot is a tool to help guide but you are responsible for your actions and life, you choose your path.

Tips!

Pile 1

Tarot: Page of Cups, The World (Life on Earth), Queen of Cups, The Hermit (The Cosmic Tree), The Chariot (The Spirit Plane), Page of Wands, The Star (The Veil), Four of Wands, Death (Past Lives), Wheel of Fortune (Life Map)

There is an air of being from the energy of the Earth itself. Not necessarily in a grounded way but in a more light way. People definitely think you have a beautiful smile and you have a laugh that almost sounds like bells ringing. I don’t remember if there’s a scene like that in the Tinker Bell movie or if her voice/laugh sounds like bells, but that’s a message. 

They think you’re really connected to Earth, to the energies that be, and that’s something maybe you don’t even notice about yourself. Since I’ve pulled the cards, I had a feeling of “they don’t even believe it” even when they were telling me all these lovely things. This feeling is something I wish for you to feel, and you can! Especially since it’s your energy. 

There is a feeling of familiarity with you. You flitter in and out of people's lives for brief moments, and if you believe in past lives (since energy is continuously recycled), you probably have met a lot of the people you come in contact with in lives before this one. There’s a safety, like stopping by a fire on a long journey. Strangers may get reminded of loved ones when they meet you. 

They see you as a healer. And this may be something you notice about yourself actually. You may get tired easily because it seems like you have to help people all the time or people ask a lot of you. And I do wish you returned this energy to yourself, even if it’s for a small time in the day. Set boundaries. This could also be a reason why you filter in and out of connections with people. 

I also wanna add that this deck was really excited and wanted to be the first in line. People are probably really excited to see you and talk to you. You may have a really bubbly energy and like being a social butterfly. You may also be the subject of friendship crushes, like people really wanna become friends with you.

Pile 2

WARNING: This pile was more on the “negative” side. If negative readings aren’t for you, I would suggest not reading this one.

Tarot: Three of Wands, King of Wands, Queen of Swords, Two of Wands, Eight of Swords, Five of Swords, The Star, Seven of Cups, The Magician

Before I even pull cards, there is an air of seduction. It’s like I made eye contact with a feline in the wild or a snake just slithered in. A large portion of the deck was in my hands but the other half was stuck in the box and fell onto my desk very noisily. You probably don’t give a lot of tells right away and it takes a lot of time for you to show your other self. The air of mystery is what makes you seductive; people want to figure you out. And, from experience, this could drive you absolutely insane because once they figure you out, they leave.

I’m going to be honest, I think a lot of people perceive you as “bitchy.” It could honestly just be because your stubborn and you know what you want, you go for it, and achieve it. A lot of men see you as a threat just because of your strong personality. In some ways, you could be seen as selfish because you won’t bother looking from someone else’s view. If you are an ex-people pleaser, this could be an absolute compliment. You know your worth and you want to achieve your dreams, people being threatened by it are none of your business.

If you are actively being selfish and not bothering to have empathy, well…I would do some self reflection.

Something about this pile seems so angry? There’s an aggression about this reading. Some people could take you as someone that constantly feel like you have to defend yourself, in an angry way, or you’re someone that has a hard time taking accountability. 

I’m getting Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You, “Planet Look At Me, Look At Me.” Some people think you have to be the center of attention. They acknowledge that you definitely can get whatever you set your mind to, but they might not think you deserve it.

There is an air of being very misunderstood, my loves. For the people that don’t mean to come off this way, I feel like you have probably gone through a lot in the past. You’re defensive due to past hurt. You honestly may not even love yourselves and it comes off as anger to others. I couldn’t move on to Pile 3 because I kept over thinking. You may feel really bad with how you react…There’s heartache. I wanted to come back since I felt the need to hug you all. For readers (and you don’t even have to like this series or author), but you give me Nesta vibes (iykyk).  

Pile 3

Tarot: The World, Three of Swords, Five of Cups, Seven of Swords, Page of Swords, The Hermit, Knight of Pentacles, King of Cups, The Star, Ten of Cups

Ah, this is my melancholic pile. People see you guys as troubled, wounded from your past. You are well loved! But I think you have a hard time accepting it or you don’t see it. There is a feeling of always having to fight, sword raised, but you are very tired from battle. I’m getting the image of a knight falling to their knees after a battle is over, some with their heads looking up at the cloudy sky and others with their heads lowered. 

There had been a painful heartbreak where you went into hermit mode. You turned into yourself so you don’t get hurt again. It’s not that you aren’t friendly! But you certainly keep everyone at arms length. You’re constantly looking at the past, at the empty cups, at what you don’t have anymore…I don’t even think you’d even see new and beautiful things and people that will come into your life. You could, unfortunately, have had things pass by you without realizing. 

You are ones to focus on the material world. I don’t necessarily see back-breaking work, but enough to get by. You’re numb and can only exert as much energy as you can. You don’t have any battles with others, more of the battles come from yourself. You beat yourself up. But you don’t realize the potential you have.

There is an older man here. A wise man. This could be someone in your life or someone who has passed…he watched over you. He has so much love for you and it pains him to see the turmoil you cause yourself. He wishes to share the burden with you. He wants you to talk to him and seek his comfort. And honestly, he could offer you very good guidance/advice. 

Decks Used: Ophida Rosa Tarot by Leila and Olive, Ethereal Visions Illuminated Tarot Deck by Matt Hughes, White Numen Tarot: A Sacred Animal Tarot Deck by AlbaBG

Dividers: @inklore

[hereforthehitsbaby]

prompt: hugh is your sugar daddy and he just bought you a new dress to wear at a movie premiere after party, but he cant resist wanting to take it off of you (also ur writings are fantastic 🩷)

Don’t I Look So Pretty? | Sugar Daddy!Hugh Jackman x F!Reader

Warnings: Sugar Daddy, Age Gap (Reader is in their late 20’s – Hugh is 56) Secretive Relationship, Heavy Make Out, Hugh is Touchy Feely, Mentions of Smut, Mentions of Divorce, Choking, Biting, Thigh Riding, Slight Pain Kink,

Rating: M – No Minors

Word Count: 4.1k

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for being my first ever High request! I was on the fence about doing RPF but you know what? I cannot pass up Sugar Daddy Hugh like that! Also I 100% spaced on the fact that you said after party and just wrote the premiere. I hope that was okay!

To be tagged in any future work of mine, please fill this out.

How did you get so lucky? That was the age-old question in your mind. How did you go from working a 9-5 office job directly after getting your Masters, to now being a sugar baby? It still surprised you, knowing this was your life. A small studio apartment turned into a lavish penthouse. Your car that barely turned on anymore got upgraded to a brand-new Aston Martin; You’ve never driven it though – why would you if you have a private driver now? How you went from living and working independently to being a princess in less than a few months boggled your mind, but you wouldn’t trade it in for the world. You were happy, for the first time in a long time.

Meeting Hugh Jackman was luck of the draw. You never realized how close your old job was to his home in the city, nor to his favorite coffee shop downtown. That was your solace after long days and dreaded mornings; Extra strong coffee and a bagel was your go-to. Seeing him each time meant that your day was going to be okay, his tender smile and short but sweet conversations got you through your week. It first started off as your favorites being already paid for, not having to waste your own dime anymore. Then it was your parking lot fees being comped, gas being prepaid, food constantly being delivered – all the way up to your rent being paid in full for four months. That is when things took a turn, Hugh didn’t just chat you up to keep your company in the mornings, this time around he was setting terms. Falling into the roll of his sugar baby came so naturally, it was hard to know anything else. You felt bliss, complete happiness knowing you didn’t have to go back to your boring office job. You didn’t have to appease people who truly wanted to use you as a stepping stool for their own success, you could be free from the bullshit of it all. You never looked back, and you never would. Everything you needed was in front of you, and you wanted to keep it that way.

A year of being Hugh’s sugar baby was everything you wanted, and everything he needed. Though this was the first time he had ever asked you to come to a movie premiere with him. It was hush-hush, especially after the divorce he went through. Hugh didn’t take you on as his sugar baby for sexual reasons, but more for companionship. You both were lonely, seeking a connection and why not do it with someone who made you two feel comfortable. As time went on though, those fleeting touches and longing stares burned right through you. Ryan always said it was a match made; He could see through the charade. So here you sit in your closet, at your vanity getting your makeup done. Staring into the mirror while your personal glam team dolls you up, you reminisced about how things have been for the last year, how much happier you are, how deeply you fell in love with Hugh. Not that you’d ever admit it to him, what you had now was good. You didn’t want to ruin that.

“Alright gorgeous, you are set.” Your makeup artist smiled as your hair stylist finished up with the hairspray. Looking up into the mirror, you were taken aback by the image in front of you. You knew you were pretty, beautiful even but right now? You look ethereal. There was a glow on your face not even the makeup could cover up, the way your eyes shined like you were blissfully happy with life. You looked like a painting, nothing seemed real but a perfect portrait of a girl in love. Tears welled in the corner of your eyes as you took yourself in, gasping lowly as your makeup artist set his chin on your shoulder, smiling with you. “Those heart eyes are all you, babe. He’s going to drop to his knees when he sees you.” You couldn’t help but feel the heat creeping up your neck to fan over your cheeks, your body shivering at his words. “I hope, I really hope.” You smiled small into the mirror, heart hammering as you thought of Hugh.

Before you could even begin to silently ponder the reaction he would have to you, a line of giggles fluttered in from the open closet door, humming ensuing as the blonde bun came back in sight. “Special delivery for a special girl,” your hair stylist laughed as she held the box in her hands. You cocked a brow as you spun around in your chair, flicking a silent what in her direction before looking at her hands. An ivory box with a gentle purple ribbon tied in a bow sat in her palms, causing your heart to swell. Biting your glossed lip, you took the box slowly from her hands, seeing a little envelope with your name written out tucked beneath. As you placed the box on your lap, you reached out to run your fingers across the ink, feeling how your fingers shook with anticipation. Gently you grasped the corner of the envelope, opening the back with a quick flick of your finger before pulling the card out.

I couldn’t stop thinking about you when I saw this. I knew I needed to see you in it. Can’t wait to see my pretty girl tonight. Having you by my side is going to feel so right.

Yours, Hugh xx

If you had any doubts before, you knew now that no matter what, Hugh was going to be obsessed with you. It never crossed your mind that he was going to buy you a dress for tonight, much less get it wrapped and ready to go. Especially on such short notice, it was the little actions he did that made you love him even more. Holding the sweet note to your chest, you swooned softly as you let your free hand work the box open, seeing the pearlescent tissue paper covering your dress. Your hair stylist didn’t waste a moment to help you out, lifting the paper back so you could see what Hugh had picked. A deep sapphire blue dress, with little beads twisting to mimic vines across the bodice of the dress, all the way down well passed the hips. The sweetheart neckline perfectly complimented the sheer long sleeves that came down to your wrist.

As your makeup artist and hair stylist grabbed the dress out for you, holding it up, you noticed the deep slit up to the middle of your thigh, causing your breathing to become labored. It was stunning, truly a beauty you have never seen before. Hugh has bought you so many lavish pieces of jewelry, purses, dresses, but nothing ever so you. This didn’t feel like something perfectly curated to fit what you wanted, but something that you would’ve made yourself. Something you would’ve dreamed of wearing. The small notion that he saw this and thought of you made you want to cry – it was too sweet for you to begin. Quickly your makeup artist came over to fan your face, making sure no tears fell over his hard work. That simple action had you laughing away the emotion welling up within you, making it hard to overthink.

A couple face fanning and strategically helping you into the dress so your hair nor makeup go ruined, finally you were in your dress. It felt right against you, like truly it belonged to you, was curated for you, was meant to be for you only. Now as you stand in front of the full length mirror staring at yourself, you felt like you. The way the color complimented not just your figure, but your skin color was the best. You felt like a goddess, you felt like an angel on Earth. You felt powerful, enough to take down an entire empire. Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you took a deep breath as you smiled, ready to show Hugh what he had really bought for you. Your glamour team rubbed your arm and back as you began to walk out of the closet, giving you that extra boost you may need.

Thankfully living with Hugh made it so much easier to surprise him, not having to walk down a grand staircase or even stand outside of the door. Simply you could walk out of the closet, into your bedroom, and right into the living room where he was standing. His back was facing you as his front faced the fireplace, a hand pressed against the mantle as his other nursed a glass of water. In this moment you didn’t have to say anything or move an inch. Hugh could feel that you were behind him, he could smell your perfume and instantly felt his body run hot. He longed for you, each and every day. Though you two weren’t intimate, it didn’t stop the deep connection you developed with each other. Having that emotional connection was perfect, even if a physical one didn’t happen. Being a sugar daddy was new to him too; Ryan told him not to fall in love but, with you he couldn’t help it.

Slowly Hugh turned around from his position, his eyes unfocused behind his glasses. From his fuzzy vision he could make out the color of your dress, and knew he wasn’t going to be able to handle this. As his vision came back into focus, Hugh sucked a breath in, eyes dilating at what he was seeing. Starting at your face, he let his eyes wander over your features, taking in your beauty from a few steps away. He was wondering how the hell he got so lucky, how he had the fortune of existing at the same time as you, you were everything to him. Slowly his eyes careened down to your neck, ghosting over your chest and down your front. Each flick of his gaze caused your body to grow warm, the slick between your thighs growing more and more. Once his eyes fell upon the generous slit in your dress, once emerald eyes turned obsidian. His facial features never moved, they stayed in their frozen state as his eyes flicked back to you, his mouth agape.

“Woah,” Hugh breathed out, his heart pounding in his chest. You couldn’t stop yourself from giggling, biting your lip as you slowly made your way to him. The strawberry vanilla lotion you had used wafted through his nostrils, mixed with your perfume made him feral. It was then you noticed how his tie matched the color of your dress, causing you to feel warm and fuzzy. The little details like that made it special for you, made this relationship feel not monetary – but real. “That bad, huh?” You snorted out, running your fingers down the collar of his blazer as your eyes remained on his. You could see there was something more brewing beneath his gaze, but he wasn’t showing – he was shutting it out for his own sake. Hugh laid his hands on your lips as he looked deep into your eyes, smiling like a man obsessed. “You look perfect. I knew this dress was made for you.”

Hearing him say that made your smile turn wide, leaning forth to give him a small kiss on the cheek as you let your breath waft over his ear. “Thank you for this, Hugh. That was too kind. You’re too sweet.” They were the best set of words you could string together; Under his stare this time around, you couldn’t think coherently. The energy between the two of you had shifted – once full of pink and purple lights now swam in dark reds and emerald. It was thick, not suffocating but held you both in. You felt your body pushing against his without even thinking about it, Hugh could feel it too. Bringing his hand up to caress your jaw, his eyes fell to your lips, enraptured by the color chosen to compliment the dress. “Anything for my baby. You ready?” He smiled, his eyes never leaving your mouth. Nodding against his hand, you moved your head slightly to the side as you kissed his palm, holding your other hand against his chest. “As I’ll ever be.”

That was all Hugh needed to hear to grab your hand, bringing the back up to his lips as he let his kiss linger. Taking your hand into his, you both made your way out to the town car with his driver, making your way to the premiere.

-----

Everything that you could’ve possibly thought a red carpet for a premiere could be, you got to experience. It was a blur of lights and yelling but it was magical. Seeing how the cast latched onto Hugh and his excellence made your heart grow fond. Seeing how many of his friends came out to support him warmed your insides. Tonight was about him and his amazing performance, to be tagging along with him to experience this was a dream come true. Though you didn’t want the full red-carpet experience; Seeing the plethora of lights and cameras shuttering made you feel lightheaded. Instead, you made your way over his Hugh’s assistant, falling right behind him in step as he made his way around to interviews with Hugh. This was your choice at the end of the day, Hugh was okay with what made you feel safe, but a part of him wishes he could’ve had you on the carpet with him, showing off his girl.

Everything flew by in the snap of your fingers, interviews and pictures were completely done with now as you two made it into the packed theater. The complimentary concessions stand was buzzing to life with all the celebrities wanting a snack, the chatter gradually got quieter as people started to make their way to their seats. You could feel your nerves on edge as you looked around. Hugh leaned closer to you as he laced his arm your waist, holding you to him as he ran his thumb over the dress. Turning your face up to look at him, you could see that his brows were pulled together. He looked upset, worried even as his eyes panned around the room. It was something you have never see Hugh do before, and you wondered what was the matter. “You okay, Hugh?” You asked as you held him close, placing your lips near his shoulder

Your words seemed to have broken him out of his internal thoughts, causing him to come back into reality. “Hm? Oh yeah, I’m great!” He chimed, leaning down to lay a kiss on your temple. It felt staged, artificial. Was he nervous about all the people? About bringing you along? Was he not wanting to see someone? Too many questions placated your mind as you tried to read Hugh’s expression. You could see a small glimmer of pain in his eyes as he searched the room, his breathing become harsh. Rubbing your hand along his lower back, you placed your hip against his, leaning as close as you possibly could so only he could hear you. “You sure? You look distracted.” You knew he was, and you were silently hoping he would tell you why, but alas he looked down at you with a blank stare, trying to mask how he was feeling. “I’m okay, my darling.”

Nodding up at Hugh, you gave him a small smile as you looked back at the crowd. It was then that you heard a small gasp of success from Hugh’s lips, not giving you time to ask what was going on. Hugh was a man on a mission, and wasn’t going to stop until he got what he wanted. His hand wrapped to yours tightly, tugging you through the theater. As you pushed your way through the line Hugh had made for you, you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at his eagerness. Hugh wasn’t upset but he was excited for something, of which you could not tell. But the way he looked back at you made your skin alight in adoration, his eyes sparkling with something more than like. You felt your body run hot as he stared at you, pulling you closer. Rounding the corner near the theater entrances, Hugh noted the light blue door at the end of the hall, humming out as he started to sprint with you.

Gathering the skirt of your dress in your free hand, you made good pace with Hugh as he led you to the door. Pushing it open with ease, you were met with the brightly lit interior of the bathroom, causing you to squint slightly. The bright light threw you off your balance as Hugh fully pulled you into the bathroom, maneuvering your body while you tried to adjust to the light. As your eyes finally focused, you felt your back being pressed up against the bathroom door, locking it with a harsh click. Hugh had both of your wrists clasped into his hands, holding them strictly above your head. Your eyes went wide at the action, staring into his blackened ones, your breathing labored in comparison to his easy one. “Hugh! What-“ You yelped out, but were cut short by Hugh shaking his head. His salt and peppered beard ran over your cheek as he tucked his head down, his breath sliding across your neck. “Sshh, don’t talk. Don’t talk.”

You obeyed his command as you whimpered, letting your eyes fall closed naturally at the feeling of him pressed against you. Hugh pulled his head back from your neck as he stared down at you, bringing his left hand down to grab at your chin, pointing your face up towards him. You could see the feral nature wanting to slip out and play with you, wanting to add physical contact to your relationship. You could see how Hugh was fighting it back with each breath, the small line teetering the deeper you gazed. You didn’t want just an emotional connection anymore, you wanted to make good on your job of sugar baby, giving Hugh exactly what he needs. He could see that in your eyes as well, the conflict of whether it would be a good idea. Tonight was a night of firsts, why not add that to the menu? A slight whimper left Hugh’s mouth as you pressed your breasts to him, leaning forth to nip at his bottom lip. “Earlier you asked me if I was okay. I lied, I’m not okay.” He sounded as if he was in pain, causing a wave of arousal to slip through your lower lips.

You felt your mind going hazy at the lack of space you two had, adding to the tension you wanted to slice with a knife. “W-What’s up?” It came out more as a moan than a sincere question, and you felt Hugh’s reserve slipping away. A chuckle of arousal slipped from his parted lips as he slid his left hand from your chin, to your neck. The action itself made your body sing, your eyes rolling back as he pushed. He was holding you hard enough so you couldn’t move, but not hard enough to where you couldn’t breathe. Instead, his thumb and first finger found your pulse point, pushing down to restrict the blood flow to your head, making your sight go fuzzy. “Fuck it,” Hugh let out with a growl. There was not enough time to respond before he pressed his mouth to yours, invading your senses.

Time stopped in that moment, slowing down enough to fully take in this moment. The first kiss of your relationship with Hugh, something you two have been wanting so bad over the last year. The floodgates had broken in this moment, letting you two embark on this voyage of discovery. His lips slotting against yours like he was made for you, how your mouth formed perfectly to his. The simple flicks of your tongue against his ignited the fire from within, causing you to burn to ash and be born anew. You struggled against Hugh’s grasp, wanting nothing more than to hold him close to you, feel every ridge of his body under your palms, to feel his burning passion. As if he had read your mind, Hugh had let your hands go, deepening the kiss. A sultry moan slipped past your parted lips as he licked into your mouth, letting him swallow it down.

Your hands slid down as he released his grasp, finding purchase on his hips. Letting your left-hand maneuver upwards, you tangled your fingers into Hugh hair at the base of his neck, giving the roots a soft tug. A growl escapes his lips and pours into your mouth; His right hand working its way under the slit of your dress to hold your plush thigh. The tantalizing touch of his calloused fingers against your baren skin made you want to scream in pleasure, to let this man ravish you all across the world. Hugh pulled back, panting like an animal as he gripped at your neck tighter, his touch shaking. “I can’t stop thinking about stripping you out of this dress.” Hugh sounded like he was in pain, a primal sound you have never heard him make. He sounded like a man possessed, the only cure was to make you scream his name.

A moan slipped out of his mouth as his hand slipped between your legs, feeling how sopping your cunt was at making out with him. Feeling his fingers slide against your panties made your knees buckle. Hugh stuck his knee between your thighs to hold you up, burying his face into your neck. “God, I fucking need you baby. I can’t do this any longer.” Hearing his desperate he was for you made you feel powerful, your hand gripping his hair tighter as he ravishes your neck. Hugh’s lips latched on roughly to the skin of your throat, suckling against the sweet scent of you. His knee on the other hand, slid back and forth against you, letting your erect clit nudge the soft fabric. Everything was too much, every feeling was too much, yet you didn’t want any of it to stop.

Grinding yourself down against his thigh, Hugh took that as an opportunity to bite into your neck, not hard enough to break skin but enough to mark what’s his. That was enough to send you over the edge, digging your nails into the back of his neck as you tossed your head back against the door. Against your core thigh you could feel Hugh growing harder, silently begging to make him cum. The mere size of him shocked you, knowing he would give you a good stretch if you tried. Just the thought was enough to put you on edge, his words aiding in your arousal. “If I’m not inside of you in the next two seconds, I might pass out.” You couldn’t take it anymore, you were sweating like a bitch in heat. You needed Hugh, and needed him now. You needed to feel him inside of you, to mark you, show everyone that you are his. “Would you-“ You began, not able to finish as Hugh pulls his face back from your neck.

“Yes.” How quickly he responded made you laugh, which in turn caused Hugh to roughly press his knee against your clothed clit, sending a wave of arousal through your body. Never tearing your eyes away from his, you licked your glossed lips sensually, putting on your best innocent eyes you could muster as you spoke. “You didn’t let me-“ Hugh had heard enough to know what you meant, because he needed the exact same from you. Hugh brought his face up inches from yours, pecking your lips slightly as he groaned out, your hand gripping his erect cock through his slacks. “Would you like to go home and let me worship you? Yes, I would baby.”

-----

Taglist: @anamiad00msday @coowayeoo @craziersarah98 @tezooks @pedroscurls @logansbaby

[helslastangel]

Mini Observations #5

based on my synastry with a friend/unrequited love interest

Sun Sextile Pluto

Powerful chemistry. Both parties are left changed by the connection. Can become completely obsessed with each other if not controlled. Both Sun and Pluto feel a bit lost or displaced without each other from the first time they meet. Especially Sun, as Pluto is less averse to isolation. This is generally positive bit can take a very dark turn if Pluto has bad intentions. The Sun person loves the Pluto person "first" if you will, or at least expresses it faster and more confidently than Pluto, who will either lower their inhibitions and reciprocate the sentiment or give and withdraw their attention at will to break the Sun person's confidence and keep them under control. This is one of those aspects where when it's good, it's truly amazing, but when it's bad, it's downright horrible for both parties.

Sun Sextile Venus

A soft, supportive aspect. Love at first sight vibes, even if not acted on. Not the strongest connection indicator out there but the emotional connection is real between them. The Sun person feels happier and more radiant when around the Venus person. Very much "life is worth living when you're here with me" vibes. Venus thrives on the Sun's energy and is attracted to their charm. Venus feels the urge to do anything to make Sun happy ("Oh hey, I notice you really like x, so I got 3 of them for you"). Sun adores Venus and will protect them at all costs ("They said WHAT to you at work? Oh no they don't! Drop the name and address, who do I need to beat up?").

☆●☆○☆●☆

Pluto Conjunct Venus

Strong sexual attraction. Moderate emotional attraction. Can be one-sided or more commonly lop-sided in terms of willingness to emotionally invest. Karmic. Love-hate dynamic possible. Pluto person can easily read the Venus person. Pluto person can become extremely attached to the Venus person, who is aware of this but may or may not be able to reciprocate.

☆●☆○☆●☆

Mars Trine Venus

Again, mutual sexual attraction. The Venus person admires the Mars person's physique, energy and confidence in themselves and their appearance. The Mars person admires the Venus person's spirit, aura, general behavior and way of being. This is a comfortable connection. Warm. Both romantic and lustful. Likely to keep the "spark" alive for s long time.

Mars Trine Pluto

Possessive. Intense. Soul ties are very strong here. Can be explosive or have many power struggles if not careful. Mars person is the muscle, Pluto person is the mind of the relationship. Mars person gets things going after Pluto person has given it thought and come to a conclusion. Can have an on-and-off friendship or relationship. Or tend to drift apart and back again regularly, even if in very small ways.

☆●☆○☆●☆

Venus Square Saturn

Could go either way. Other aspects and placements can heavily influence this one. Venus views Saturn as wise and an authority figure in a sense, but Venus might feel restricted from expressing themselves freely and creatively. May feel a sense of always being in trouble, annoying or disappointing the Saturn person in some way. Saturn views Venus as a ray of sunshine-that never sets. They enjoy the exuberance and freespirited nature of the Venus person whether they admit it or not, but feel irritated by it at the same time. Saturn may be overcritical of the Venus person, leading the Venus person to leave in frustration or stay but become depressed, if other placements do not balance this out. This aspect can also indicate 'right person, wrong time' relationships, or one-sided, unrequited love between friends. Delays of one kind ot another are common with this aspect.

☆●☆○☆●☆

Mars Opposite Neptune

Difficult aspect to balance. Mars wants to do everything now. If it's an argument, they want to finish it then and there. If it's a task, they want to get it out of the way. If it's a fun activity, they want to jump in and immerse themselves in it. Neptune is easily fatigued, easily overwhelmed and finds it difficult to keep up with Mars-and probably does not even want to. Mars is also blunt which Neptune can only handle in tiny doses, if at all, leading them to need space often, which hurts Mars' ego and leads them to push even harder, which in turn leads Neptune to resort to white lies to get the recovery time they need to remain in the connection. This is a difficult aspect that is only sustainable if Mars learns to be quiet and slow down and Neptune learns to speak up and pick up the pace. They can meet in the middle, but both have to be willing.

↤ go back to the masterlist

[mari-lair]

For Bonnie writing I think a lot of people get so hung up on them being a kid that they forget that Bonnie is decently smart and they do understand what's going on around them. I fully believe that Bonnie understands that they are looping and that understand Siffrin can't remember. i think they go through a lot more effort trying to 'fix' what they can control. Make people happy make sure everone eats, make sure everyone is standing in a fight with their items. But because Bonnie is so much younger I think they have much more fragile breaking points. They get overwhelmed a lot easier not because they don't understand the loops but because no matter what they'll always be the most helpless to do anything. Even if they get stronger they can't fight the king. Even if they make sure everyone eats and is healed they can't stop the loops. Cant save their sister, cant keep everyone's spirits up. I think Bonnie suffers most in the way that they're forced to be a bystander because they're 'the kid' they dont feel like their efforts are enough. Of course they're incredibly wrong but if isat had reliable narrators it wouldn't be isat

That's it, that's my biggest struggle, juggling what Bonnie would understand, what they won't, and what they know but don't want to talk/think about it. That's easily the hardest part of trying to write Bonnie T-T

Exemple: siffrin being crushed by a rock in the 'death corridor'? Even if the adults don't let them see the body they can connect the dots of exactly how 'hurt' siffrin was. But I personally think they wouldn't want to think about Sif being gone, even if temporarily. It would take a few deaths for them to explode "i am not an idiot i know what happen everytime sif 'get hurt,' and we loop!"

But Siffrin saying "sure I remember that very important moment we had, power of friendship is strong." like a liar, would make them go "you do?!" instead of going "you're not in the time loop, rationally I know that you don't, liar." cause they want siffrin to remember so bad, and siffrin is enough of a good actor to be able to fool a kid once (and accidentally make things way worse for bonnie) depending on what scenario plague my vision I can even see the first lie not being caught until hindsight so Sif gets to lie a solid two times about it.

I personally think Bonnie would understand they are in the timeloop (world restart, only the family beside Sif remembers. Consequences don't last. ) but it would take a considerable amount of loops for them to get the full extent/implications of how that affect things, especially since everyone acts at least a tad different each loop (perks of the family not going out of their way to repeating their lines/ acting very different all the times) and bonnie complicated relationship with siffrin.

Your ask gave me a lot of inspiration though. Bonnie trying to fix the loops makes so much sense, SO MUCH SENSE.

[painted-flag]

OF FLOWERS AND DEATH - aemond targaryen

Chapter 15: Know Your Enemies

☾⋆⁺₊✧ dark elf!Aemond Targaryen x f!human!reader series. ✧₊⁺⋆☾ series masterlist. ☾⋆⁺₊✧ word count: 3.4k ✧₊⁺⋆☾ series warnings: 18+ depictions of violence/gore, eventual smut, warfare, sickness/disease, some moments of misogyny, and mentions of alcohol consumption. ☾⋆⁺₊✧ New information forces you to reckon with unwelcome developments.

Everything had changed after that night. There was a shift in the dynamic of your relationship with Aemond. Both of you had become more approachable and more tender in your interactions. There was, for the first time, patience. Both of your strong personalities required it, and with the revelation of Aemond’s newfound trust towards you and your discovery of the origins of his scar, trust was in surprising abundance.

The morning afterwards, even the guards could sense the shift. You remembered how Aemond had left his tent and sat with you around the fire to break his fast. You also remembered the bewildered look you received from Elias as he loaded some chests onto one of the wagons. You had shrugged, unable to come up with a response. How could you, when this was so new to you?

It was only the beginning. That day of riding Aemond had joined you. The two of you rode side by side on your horses at the front of the group. However, any conversation took a lot of work. It was still so recent to that night that the two of you were unsure how to proceed. He was your friend now, it should have been easy to speak to him. His unpredictability and lack of familiarity undercut the previous apprehensiveness you felt towards him. Now your apprehensiveness was shadowed by the uncomfortable nature of your thrumming heart and twisted stomach when he glanced your way.

When your company had reached the inn you had previously stayed in, you had rushed off the horse to get away from Aemond. He could surely hear the thumping of your heart and see the red that spread across your face. Yet, he made to acknowledgment of it. You had spent the better part of an hour in the bathhouse trying to scrub the feeling of his gaze away in hopes that it could wash the budding feelings from you. It was with great relief that he did not come to the bathhouse like the previous stay, for you were not sure what you would have done. Perhaps perish in the waters to avoid any further embarrassment.

A year.

You just had to make it through the year and you would be gone. No need to worry about him and each can go their separate ways. You had struggled to come to terms with how you would survive the year when Aemond was hostile to you. Now, your chances seemed easier with that hostility over, but the crisis-eliciting level of adoration that bubbled within you had become more threatening each day.

Thankfully, that night at the inn, Aemond had not joined you and the guards for dinner. If he had, you were sure to crumble under his gaze. You greatly disliked how one glance from him was enough to make your legs feel weak. It was something that deeply angered you. No one had yet to make you feel this way, so why now? Especially with someone for whom is in no way remotely possible to connect in that way.

It is best that you finish your job and continue with your normal human life.

The next day of riding was spent similar to the first; you and Aemond side by side. Only this time, the conversation seemed to flow just a little easier. The events of the conversation you had with him had started to lessen more on the conscience, so comfortability slowly took its place. There was by no means a complete ease between one another. That would only come with time.

The last night of camp you had tossed and turned to get to sleep. Aemond had helped you down from the horse when the group decided to stop for the day. All you could think about was the heat of his hands as they gripped your sides. You did not know if your mind was playing tricks on you, but you could have sword his thumbs brushed up and down gently before releasing you. He had swiftly left to help unload things. One thing you noted about him was that he was an active king and did not wait around to be attended to. Yet another trait of his that had you admiring him more.

It was now, with the gates of the castle coming into view, that you had let out a sigh of relief. Here you could get wrapped up in your work and create some distance between you and Aemond to get your mind and your feelings sorted out. If you were not constantly around him, maybe those feelings would fade. It could only be temporary.

You hoped it was only temporary.

Your party had entered the grounds by the stables. Your thighs ached from the bouncing of the horse and you were glad to be back. Surprisingly, Aegon waited by the entrance to the stables. Aemond had ridden in beside you and had dismounted his horse. Before he could go to help you off, Aegon had beaten him to it. He lifted you up and off before setting you on the ground.

His face was what threw you off. Aegon’s mouth was twisted into a smile, but you could see concern and paranoia behind his eyes. He held one of your hands and his grip tightened.

“Welcome back,” His voice was almost shaking, but disguised with a pleasant tone, “And to you as well, brother.”

Aemond looked between the two of you with his eyes squinted, “Yes, a pleasure to be back.” There was a degree of uncertainty there. You had no idea where such tension back from and were almost frightened by Aegon’s off-putting nature. This was so unlike him.

“Welcome back, my king,” A voice sounded from behind you and Aegon. Criston Cole had come from behind Aegon and you. His greeting to Aemond was not extended to you and he only sent a quick look your way.

“Have there been any problems since I’ve been away?” Aemond questioned.

“None that raised any alarms. Though they would not have happened if such a trip was never made,” Criston side-eyed you from where he stood. He had understandably been frustrated at his king’s absence in court, but you felt his complaints were immature. Aegon sidestepped to almost block you from Cole’s view.

“Ah, well I am sure your capable hands managed to solve whatever it was,” Aegon spoke. There was underlying aggression in his tone. The prince derived great pleasure from teasing Cole. You had looked back and forth between the two elves trying to calculate what was happening.

“My king, there are sensitive matters to address,” Criston told him. Both of the elves walked away from Aegon and you. Criston would occasionally glance at you with disdain and you tried to ignore it, but it was such unabashed animosity that it threw you off. The distance between you and him did not feel like enough.

Aegon turned to you and whispered, “Pretend I said something funny.”

“What?” You queried. The skin between your brows crinkled.

“Cole is looking, pretend I said something funny.” At his words, you began to laugh, but it was uncomfortable and shaky. Aegon joined you in laughter and then looped his arm in yours.

“Do not make any face of discomfort or alarm, but there could very well be threats from any guard here. Maintain a smile until we get to your room. Understand?” Aegon began to lead you out of the stable grounds and into the castle. The flickering torchlight cast shadows across the dark stone walls.

“What do you mean, Aegon?” You tried to get to his reasoning, but he just shook his head and motioned for you to be quiet. Each time a guard passed, Aegon would stare at them and pull you closer to him. He would pick up his pace and have you across the hall in record time. He continued to do this, down every stairwell, hall, and passage.

Your heart rate had begun to pick up at the secrecy and frantic nature of his intentions. When you reached the hall where your room was located, you were overcome with a sense of relief as if you had made it home. Aegon surged forward, flung the door open, and all but pushed you inside. He stuck his head out and looked both ways down the hallway to see if anyone was around. Upon being satisfied that there were no guards he shut the door and locked the deadbolt. The whole time you had watched him with confusion.

Aegon turned and let out a breath he had been holding in. His shoulders slouched and he looked relaxed. You raised a brow and held out your hands.

“Well?” You questioned.

He sighed and approached your reading table. From the fold of his doublet, he pulled out folded parchment, “I told you I would work on your father’s disappearance. It is surprising how much work one could achieve while sober.” He now held your undivided attention as you stood next to him. Your hands wanted to reach out and seize the parchment to see what could be revealed on those pages.

“It took me a while, but I began pouring through the scouting records. Seven hells, I never thought I would be thankful for the stick up Aemond’s ass for having such extensive records written of every damn thing in this kingdom.” Aegon placed the parchment on the table.

When you went to grab it, his hand gently stopped you, “I–” His voice trailed off and it only made you move faster. You grabbed the parchment and began to unfold. Once looking at the stained pages, you could not decipher the elvish language.

“Scouting record,” Aegon began, “For Lake Rosemagne. I went back to the period you said your father disappeared. There was one group in the area… It was led by Criston Cole.”

Your hands gripped the parchment more, almost tearing it apart. Aegon moved his hands to yours and removed the parchment from your hands to set it down on the table. He went back to holding your hands, his thumbs brushing the knuckles as he noticed you had begun to become overwhelmed.

“If Cole was in the area… Look, I’m sorry but your father…” Aegon tried to console you, but he was admittedly no expert in that field. You began to shake your head in denial.

“Aemond said a human had not been spotted in that area in a century. I questioned that legitimacy, but it was only out of anger.” It was overwhelming to be at that lake, where your father may have once stood. You had snapped at Aemond then because you had lost control over your emotions. You realized that it had been wrong to accuse his guards of lying, but now as you were seeing it, there had been truth in those words of doubt you flung at him.

“I will not incriminate my brother. But Cole, on the other hand, well, I have never trusted him.” Aegon informed you. You did not respond and pulled your hands back from him. Your feet had you moving across the room toward one of your chairs. You sat in the plush chair, its comfortability providing little comfort. Aegon spoke your name, once and then twice, but it fell on deaf ears.

There was no way Aemond could be part of this and had lied to you. You refused to believe it. You thought back to his vulnerability that night from around the campfire. The flames had reflected off the mythos of his swirling blue eye and within those depths, you could see both the past and future sprawling out like an endless field. He had yet to ever lie to you, there was no reason for him to do so.

However, doubt had always been your worst enemy. Cole was as untrustworthy as anyone could be. His rampant hostility towards you was not disguised. There could be a deeper meaning behind that hate besides your humanity.

And he was incredibly close to Aemond. Guilt by association was the wrong way to go about this, but this was your father.

“Tis not all I had found,” Aegon told you. He shuffled to the chair you were on and placed a small book he had pulled from his pocket onto your lap. He crouched down to be at eye level with you.

“I may have snuck into Cole’s room after finding that scouting record. This was buried under discarded armour.” You looked down at the book. It was bound in black leather with no markings on the outside to reveal what it was. Your fingers grabbed the thick cover and pulled it to the side. Your movement was slow as mental exhaustion and your days of travel caught up to you. The parchment was old and weathered. It looked older than the human kingdom likely was.

On the pages sat weird inscriptions and symbols. The peculiar nature of the notetaking was all in an ancient language you had no knowledge of but looked eerily familiar to the scrawls of the current elvish language. It was likely some early form of it. You kept flipping through the pages as if that would help you make sense of it. You then gripped the edge and started flipping the pages at a faster rate than turning them. Drawings and ink scrawls flashed through your field of vision.

Your hands ceased their movements upon seeing one page. While you could not make out the words, the drawings struck familiarity. The mortua terra flower, the same one you had snuck into the dark woods for, was sketched onto the page. Beside it was a myriad of ingredients, none of which were dark magic but basic components of many types of brews, poultices, and other oddities. In the bottom right corner was the wobbly black outline with a blue filling that looked like the shoreline of Lake Rosemagne.

This information was all too much.

What could your father’s disappearance have to do with Cole? Or more accurately, what does Cole have to do with it? There was a burning sensation behind your eyes and you felt the sting of saltwater. Why does Cole have a tome on dark magic? There was, perhaps, a possibility that Aemond could have aided him. Many of the ingredients listed in the pages you had discovered are locked up; of which only royals have access. Daeron had to fetch many of the experimental ingredients himself because no one else among the healers could.

If Cole was using dark magic, he would need an accomplice. There was no other way.

If that were true, the needed accomplice would have to be Aemond. How else would he have gotten access to those stores?

A hand waved in front of your vision. You had not even acknowledged how your vision had gotten blurry in your moment of thinking. Aegon was crouched down, a crinkle prominent between his eyebrows as his face was morphed with worry.

“Come back down to the ground here. Shit, did I break you?” Aegon shook your shoulders gently and his voice dropped to a near incomprehensible whisper, “Gods, Aemond will kill me.”

A heartbeat passed. Then two, then three. On and on until you could ground yourself. Your hands dug into the arms of the chair. The haze of the room began to go away and your breathing calmed. It was like your heart had dropped to your stomach and the world was collapsing around you. But, like water against a shore, these feelings gradually pulled away.

“Tell no one.” Your voice was scratchy. You had to escape the chair as it felt confining. You stood and marched to the desk where the parchment was with the book in your hand. You picked both of them up and then headed to your bed. The items were then stuffed into your pillowcase. It was not the best spot to keep them, but you could not think of any other place to store them at the moment.

“That goes without saying,” Aegon responded but he still looked at you with worry, “Are you alright?”

You crossed your arms, but one hand reached up to hold the top of your chest and feel it rise and fall at every inhale and exhale, “Honestly? I have no idea. With Cole I would not be surprised of any misdeeds, but Aemond…” You sucked in a breath.

Aegon shifted from leaning on one foot to the other, “As I said, I will not incriminate my brother, but there are things you do not know about him.” You huffed out what could be close to a disappointed sigh and laugh before returning to a serious manner.

“He told me,” You confessed, but Aegon looked confused by your words, “He told me how he got the scar.”

There was a moment of silence between you two. His gaze took you in, dragging up and down your form as if he was looking for a tell that you were lying. Something was unsettling in his manner as if Aemond’s own story left him exposed as well. You could not help but wonder how that incident, his brother's maiming and the subsequent war, affected him. That type of stress and trauma left lasting damage on the mind.

“He is in deeper than I thought,” Aegon spoke just above a whisper. He made his own revelation in the moment. Aegon ran his right hand down his face, making sure to cover his mouth for a moment as you stood. His words were vague and left you wanting answers, but your head had begun to pound. It was a dull ache that started in the back and began to spread.

“In deeper?” Your arms unfolded from being crossed. Aegon was staring at you with reluctance and some kind of sympathy. You hated it; loathed not knowing what he was talking about. Every time you pulled the curtain from concealing one mystery, a myriad of others were discovered behind.

“You need not worry about another thing.” He reassured, “We shall sit on this new information before we take any more steps.” He was making sense, but the overwhelming nature of such a short conversation was rendering you immobile. It was like a heavy lead had been cast upon you, weighing your body down.

“Will you not answer my question?” You approached him and poked your pointer finger into his chest.

“It is not my secret to tell.” Aegon held up his hands in mock surrender. You huffed but relented. Perhaps, one day, you could coax an answer out of him and find out what he meant when he said his brother was ‘in too deep.’

The weight of it all on you caught his attention and Aegon moved forward to wrap his arms around you. His body posture was awkward, but welcoming. You could easily tell his experience in the act of physical reassurance was not exactly honed. His weird pat on the top of your head all but confirmed that suspicion. You returned the hug and wrapped your arms around his midsection.

“I’m sorry to have stressed you out like this,” Aegon apologized.

You shook your head, “Without your investigation, I would be nowhere near closer to finding answers.” The two of you pulled away from one another. Aegon was still awkwardly fidgeting in his spot, reeling from being close to someone.

“Well, I’ll let you get settled in,” Aegon all but skipped to the door to get away from affection he was not used to giving and receiving. However, just as he had opened the door and exited the room, he stuck his head back in again to smile at you, “Oh, and welcome home.”

He left just after. You stood in your room and looked around. Everything was where you left it all. You sat back down in your chair and faced the large window of your room and stared out at the garden. The darkness from the elder trees was a welcome sight. While you enjoyed being out in the field and feeling the sun, there was something comforting about the dark depths littered with flashing fireflies and lightly swaying lanterns.

Indeed, it was home. 

Chapter 16: Every Little Thing Preview

“Words said in heat are often more destructive than battles.” It was a whisper, as if he was recalling it from a deep memory from his past. His hands tightened into fists and he leaned on the balls of his feet, “I have told you the truth as you are my friend. Let us not fight when tensions are high. We shall talk later.” 

You wanted to scream at him, to lug one of the pillows on your bed directly at his head. How could he be so reasonable? Gods, why was he so reasonable?

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[cloudxgears]

I like to think that the way Jinx reacts to seeing Vi in the enforcer uniform is less about what happened to their parents and more about how her Vi never would have done that and realising the Vi she understood and who was familiar and safe and recognisable to her is gone for good. Because obviously no one in the Undercity likes enforcers or their topside oppressors, but Jinx is never once shown with the same vehement hatred of enforcers that young Vi had.

I think this is just about Vi. It's about Jinx's disappointment towards the big sister she spent her life looking up to, and her shock that Vi's life experiences were that bad that they've led her to lose any character and principles she used to have.

I really don't think Jinx ever cared as much about gaining freedom for Zaun and revenge on Piltover as young-Vi and Silco did. Jinx' world was always quite insular. She focused on her special interest and developing her talent, making bombs and weapons, to enable her survival, improve her self-esteem and to try to help the ones she loves. Everything she did was about proving she could survive after coming from nothing and being the kicked puppy, and to prove herself to the ones she admires.

The whole point of the teaparty scene was about deciding who to trust and who to choose and if it had happened differently she would have gone off with Vi and done what it took to make Vi keep loving her and if that meant not using the bomb she wouldn't have done it.

She isn't exactly driven by revenge like pre-teaparty Vi and post-Cassandra Cait, or by wanting dignity and wider respect like Silco and young-Vi. She's driven by loyalty and her desire to be valued and seen by those she loves, and she has no one left to be loyal to, Silco is dead and her Vi isn't there anymore, so she's dead inside.

Having her own daughter to care for (and probably losing her) is what will make her want to become a symbol and put the fire in her to truly want revenge for the first time.

But that moment in the smog seeing Vi in uniform below her is the moment the teaparty and watching Jinx use the bomb on the council building was for Vi. It's Jinx' first moment realising Vi isn't safe for her anymore and has become a total stranger. That's when she's confronted by understanding that she'll never get her Vi back again and she doesn't have the history or connection to this new woman anymore to be able to understand her. It's the first time realising the memory of the Vi she has loved and hated and held on to all this time has been extinguished by this imposter.

And she naturally has a total panic attack at the loss.

It gives you more understanding of Vi's internal feelings about Jinx. Vi doesn't show her reactions in the same big way Jinx does. She had to be Powder's parental figure as a kid and she desired to follow in Vander's footsteps and become a leader one day, so she had to constantly maintain a positive and strong front and suppress anything else. She always made sure whenever Powder looked up at her to project, 'Everything is going to be fine, because I will make it so, don't worry :)' because she was a great big sister.

And then she was locked in prison for 7+ years where she couldn't afford to show weakness or have obvious breakdowns. Also I like how her coping mechanism is shown by her general attitude to be optimism, and even in somewhere as desolate as Stillwater it's easy to imagine her against all odds fighting to maintain a can-do attitude and having a mantra of 'It will be fine and I'll get out of this one day because I have to', and that mindset takes a lot of suppressing too.

So she implodes rather than explodes in a way that's difficult for an observer to notice or understand. Which is why her S2 actions so far look so wack to most people.

The moment in the smog and the panic attack after is the first time Jinx is having the same big realisation Vi had to her during Season 1, realising that is not her safety or the big sister she can look up to anymore. It's losing a part of herself that Jinx admits at the end of S1 has kept her alive all these years.

[wadewnstonwilson]

housewife wade wilson headcanons || suggestion by anonymous

pairing: wade wilson (deadpool) x genderneutral!reader

author note: let me know if you guys want me to make this into an actual fic!! also would love to make more headcanons in the future featuring logan or wade so please feel free to drop me an ask!

the minute you leave for work, wade starts bombarding you with text messages. It starts out sweet—“hope you have a killer day, sugarplum!”—but quickly turns into a series of selfies, random thoughts, and (usually chaotic) updates about what he’s doing at home. it’s part of his way of staying connected, even if you’re in a boardroom meeting.

wade clings to you in the morning, draping himself over you dramatically and whining about how you’re “abandoning” him for corporate life. he might even joke about chaining himself to your briefcase just to keep you close. he knows it’s ridiculous, but it’s his way of getting a few extra minutes of affection before you leave.

knowing how particular you are about cleanliness, wade makes an effort to keep the house pristine. he wears a pink apron with “kiss the cook” emblazoned on it, vacuuming and dusting with the same enthusiasm he has for a mission. but he’s still wade, so sometimes you’ll come home to find him balancing on the couch trying to clean the ceiling fans or experimenting with “creative” cleaning solutions that smell way too strong.

even if you prefer something professional and sleek, wade insists on packing you a lunch every now and then, filled with your favorite snacks. he’ll sneak a little love note or even a crude drawing of the two of you, knowing it’ll make you smile when you find it at work.

wade is in awe of your polished, expensive style. every time you’re about to leave the house in a sleek suit or designer outfit, he goes over the top with compliments and jokes. “who needs a superhero when you’ve got this hot-shot executive look going on? can you even handle the power you’re radiating?”

when you get home, wade is the first to greet you at the door, practically tackling you into a hug. he refuses to let you go, playfully clinging to you while peppering your face with kisses. you’ve learned that, once you’re home, wade is glued to your side for the rest of the evening, practically following you around the house.

wade’s idea of romance involves surprising you with homemade dinners—even if they’re a bit chaotic. sometimes it’s a full, fancy setup, complete with candles and flowers, and other times, it’s just pizza with your favorite toppings. either way, he’s thrilled to play “perfect spouse” and waits eagerly for your reaction.

wade “borrows” your wardrobe regularly, despite the sharp contrast with his usual style. he’ll strut around the house in your blazers or designer coats, doing his best CEO impression. “look at me, babe, i’m ready to fire people and make millions!” it’s all in good fun, and he knows it makes you laugh.

wade’s clinginess reaches its peak at night. he wraps himself around you like a human octopus, insisting it’s for “optimal cuddle coverage.” if you try to roll over, he’ll grumble and pull you back, claiming you need his warmth to survive the night.

wade takes pride in being the stay-at-home husband. he jokes about being your “trophy spouse,” but he’s honestly thrilled to be there for you however he can. he wants to make your life as comfortable and happy as possible, even if he’s not the conventional choice for a high-powered CEO’s partner.

[badaboomx]

Tick, tick (Bada Lee x Fem!Reader)

PAIRING: Bada x Fem!Reader. SETTING: Part three of the SWF2 AU where Reader is a contestant. Previous part here. WORDS: 4k

ⓘ This one contains smut. Ah, I'm quite rusty but I hope you enjoy it anyways. Proceed with your own caution!

If people noticed before, you can only imagine what they’re saying about you and Bada now. 

The tension was evident, palpable and almost suffocating to those around you. A ticking time bomb that was too far gone to deactivate. It was only a matter of time before something happened. No one knew exactly what happened between the two of you, but they could just tell things had changed between the two of you. Your crew only knows you both had talked things, hugged and perhaps maybe almost kissed – but you didn’t tell them about the piping hot sexual tension. Yet, given the way you both were behaving with one another now, your crew was wondering if you told them the truth at all.

At first it was in the details that only those paying attention could catch. 

You both magnetically seemed to find each other closer in proximity now, both looking for the opportunity to interact and to see each other. In the very few times since Bada and you met, Bada opened doors for you, moved to give you space to walk past her, would visibly cheer for you or be hypnotized looking at you. You weren’t slacking at all either, taking some time to walk over to Bada during down time to fix her attire, her hair, any excuse to be up close to her and touch her before letting her go do her work. Her subtle smile was worth it every second, the soft gratitude she showed and the restrain she showed as to not touch you�� God, something about that was so hot, like she was keeping a beast caged – and it made your imagination fly.

However, with the Mega crew mission and the subsequent mess after it, you and Bada would have your time cut abruptly short.

In a surprising turn of event, you and your crew landed on the bottom and had to fight your way to remain in the ranks. Until one of your crew members, your very leader, suffered quite the injury. An injury that pushed them out of dancing and that had forced all of you to forfeit your spot on the competition. Without your leader, you do not find it right to continue.

A noble way of bowing out, but bowing out nonetheless. You and the remaining members did cry for leaving such a great roster of talent behind, but such a big experience will not be easily forgotten. Engulfed in many hugs and drying many tears with a smile, your heart truly clenched tightly when you saw – among the mass of dancers – a towering figure looking at you.

Bada didn’t hesitate for a second, taking strides to get to you before anyone could drag you away, engulfing you in such a warm, comfortable hug. Tight, strong, desperate, and you made sure Bada knew you felt the same way by clinging to her, snuggling your head comfortably into her chest. You could feel the beating of her heart again, but you could also feel the bass of her voice as she spoke.

It was a vulnerable plea for you to not leave, not without saying goodbye. 

An interesting realization, this one. Beyond the tension and lust, you seemingly both realized in this abrupt separation that you both actually had far more to explore than just that. The magnetic pull you both felt for each other, dancing together so in sync, the instant connection… 

The world around you stood still or at least they let you have this moment with Bada, so no one heard when you responded. Only Bada could hear it.

Your leader was fine and in good spirits, the entire crew was making them company in the hospital room while visiting hours were still there. Among the heartfelt talk and the laughter to lighten up the mood, your sweaty palms and uneasy stance became the topic of conversation. What began as playful prodding soon turned into your leader connecting the dots sooner than later. 

“Aren’t you going to say Goodbye to her?” your leader whispered to you as the other members chatted amongst themselves and discussed how they felt during the fight. 

You looked at your leader a bit flabbergasted, but you soon shook your hand. “I don’t think we’ll be allowed to. After we’re done visiting, we have to pack up and leave–.”

“You WILL say Goodbye to her,” your leader corrected, pointing at you with that accusatory finger. “The girls can take care of me until visiting hours are done,” she paused, looking at the clock and noting there were still two hours left. “You go and say goodbye, sneak in if you have to.”

With that encouragement, your leader excused you and told you to prepare for packing and let the rest of the people know that she’s okay. The members looked a bit confused at first but then squinted, all at the same time. They would piece it together after you left the room and the leader gave them a shit eating grin.

In the desperate blinks of your eyes, you were in the building. After letting a few people know that your leader was alright and going to recover in the coming weeks, you excused yourself to go to your crew’s hideout, being told to pack up belongings and the sort.

You actually barged into your own hideout with intentions of leaving some stuff behind and going to find Bada but much to your surprise, when you barged in, Bada was standing there. Fist clenched, breathing a little labored, you were almost confused. 

“The security guard told me you came in,” Bada said, exhaling loudly. “I came here as soon as I heard.”

You couldn’t help but to giddily smile at that, making her smile that beautiful smile of hers in return. But none of you moved yet, the door behind you still open. You gave her the sign to wait, looking outside and seeing not a soul down the hall. Coast clear. When you closed the door behind you and locked it, you unlocked part of Bada’s caged beast with it.

It was as if she heard it and did not want to wait any longer, fast approaching you and pinning your body against the closed door with her own tall and sturdy body. The warmth of her body and the surprise already had you reeling and needing more, but she stopped there, eyes traveling between your eyes and your lips – holding back, waiting for your move. But with the way she was breathing, the way her eyes looked, the slightly parted lips that looked ready to devour you? You could tell Bada was almost overwhelmed by desire. 

Playfully, you placed a hand on her chest again and felt her heartbeat, rubbing with your thumb as you spoke. “I can almost hear you growl, you beast," you teased, tugging a smile out of her again. 

“Do you want me to?” Bada playfully replied, making you giggle and shake your head. Once the giggling softly faded, a curious fingertip of hers caressed your jaw, her thumb grazing your bottom lip, too. Relishing in the feeling, like wondering how they’d look swollen thanks to her. Then, she held your chin and did not wait a moment longer.

For the first time since you both started this cat and mouse game, you’ve kissed. Her lips like soft, sweet marshmallows against yours in what began as a chaste and innocent kiss. Within a moment it was engulfed in the flames of passion, both of you instinctively deepening the kiss almost instantly, then you let her lead this passionate waltz. You could hear her soft moans vibrating on her chest as the kiss kept going, as your hands slowly moved to wrap themselves around her neck – and you yourself could feel those unstoppable moans when Bada’s hands boldly traveled down from your hips to your butt, giving them an appreciative squeeze that drove you mad. But the surprise of her suddenly grabbing you by the thighs and lifting you to pin you against the door with an indiscreet thud was enough to make you gasp and pull away from the kiss. Bada was smirking, knowing it caught you off guard, and you could barely say ‘Oh my god’ before she leaned back in to kiss you with a fervor you’ve rarely felt before. This time, her tongue boldly made its presence known, rubbing against yours and wanting more, a heavenly sensation that sent goosebumps down your entire body. It was so wild, the way she suckled your tongue and smirked afterwards, the way she bit your lower lip and encouraged you to do the same, and once you did her moan was so ethereal that you felt like you were losing your mind. It stirred something within you that could only be described as primal, indomitable, and that you hoped Bada would take care of.

Wrapping your legs around her and holding on tightly, you braced yourself for when she pulled away from the kiss. Labored breath soon tickled your neck as she dove in with nibbles, kisses and licks – all with the passion of a woman who was pent up for more than a month since you both last danced together in this very room. You couldn’t help but to moan out her name, tangling your fingers in her soft hair. That seemed to please her, you could feel her smile against your skin as she kept on kissing and biting. As she did, too, she growled softly in between. 

“I need you so badly,” a pause, a kiss, a hand hungrily from your thigh up to your chest. “You’re driving me crazy, I can’t stop myself now.”

“You don’t have to stop,” you softly said, but it sounded more like a desperate plea for her to keep going until she was satisfied. 

And she would not stop indeed, lifting you back up in her arms and carrying you away from the door. You held tightly not out of insecurity that she might drop you, but because you didn’t want to get away from her for a second. Not when you felt yourself throbbing in agonizing need for Bada. She reached the couch and sat down, pulling you into her lap and not missing a beat to let her hands touch all over you with mad desire. Of your own volition, you got rid of that bothersome shirt of yours and let her relish on the feeling of your skin and the natural warmth of your body. To be gawked at like that by Bada, to watch her as she bit her lower lip looking at you like you were the greatest meal she could catch. It made you feel so…

“C’mere,” Bada softly said, holding you closer and diving into trail kisses from your collarbone down to your chest. With every kiss, she took her time, cherishing each inch of your skin like nothing mattered in the world more than worshiping you, sometimes even brushing her nose against your skin tenderly before diving back in. Slowly, her hands caressed your sides and traveled up your lower back, her face burying themselves between your breast and kissing every little spot she could put her lips on – humming in delight at the feeling, softly whispering sweet words. “These feel so fucking good baby,” with that soft tone that drove you crazy. 

Your hand caressed her head and you held her close, intimately close at that. She smelled good and soft, she felt so nice to hold against you, and she was every bit as romantic, passionate and detailed as she was in her dancing. Which only made you look forward to seeing her in action.

So, you wanted to set her off. When she pulled away, she looked up at her with lust-filled eyes and you didn’t hesitate to make the next move. Slowly but surely, you grinded your hips against Bada’s lap, hands resting on her shoulders to hold yourself steady. The moment you did she closed her eyes, bit her lower lip and tossed her head back – a growl came out of her and her hands gripped your hips. You swear you heard her mutter a curse even, which was admittedly an ego boost and it made you giggle. However, she seemed not to lose her mind just yet, so you dove down to that lovely neck of hers and licked a random spot that just happened to hit the spot for her, a guttural moan instantly drawn out of her and her grip on you became firmer. You  tickled that spot with soft kisses, brushing it delicately with your lips and the tip of your nose before delivering one swift bite to it that Bada couldn’t resist anymore. It was as if you almost felt the physical jolt run down her spine that made her hold you closer, made her moan a little louder and made her bold in her coming movements.

You had set her off, just like you wanted.

In the blink of an eye she had put you on your back, growled out a command for you to take off anything standing in her way, helping only after you’ve started doing so. You liked this, just as much as you liked the slow and romantic side of Bada, so you obeyed eagerly. Shoes off, trousers off and you were about to take your underwear off but Bada stopped you, moving to get between your legs. Before you could even question anything, her hand pressed against your clothed pussy and rubbed firmly but agonizingly slowly. By gods it felt so good, a mixture of relief and pleasure that made your body limp instantly, hips bucking against her hands as if to ask for more. 

That kind of response pleased Bada, tugging a smirk on her lips as she applied more pressure to her rubbing. “Look at you,” Bada softly tutted, shaking her head. “So wet and needy already, I can’t let you leave like this.”

Oh, this woman could drive you insane if she wanted to just by talking. You bucked your hips more against her hand, earning another firm and long rubbing but nothing more concrete than that. “Please, Bada,” you pleaded lowly, a whiny mess under her palm. 

With no words, Bada rubbed your tummy tenderly, as if to placate your desperation, leaning in to pepper some kisses around that area and slowly descending to your clothed pussy. Then, without more dilly-dallying, she stuck her tongue out and let you watch it for a second before dragging it across your wetness, from the bottom to the very top of it. Firmly pressed against you, agonizingly languid as she licked but still muffled by that thin, annoying fabric. Just a few times to get you all riled up and extra sensitive for when she finally got rid of that bothersome muffler. Just to catch you off guard though, she dove right back in. A long lick, accompanied by a moan of her own vibrating against your pussy that was all levels of tantalizing – you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes back, arch your back and cling to whatever you had near you. 

That woman had an appetite for you and it was evident by how relentless she was. She licked like she was savoring every little inch and enjoying the taste, over and over. One hand grabbed hold of the nearest cushion while the other landed on Bada’s head, instinctively pushing her head to keep going. But, you could barely keep her head in place once she started giving sharp suckles to your clit, alternating between that and caressing it and licking with her tongue. It was such an exquisite pleasure that shocked your entire body, tensing it up in a way where you felt like you had no control of your body for just a second. Yes, it felt like you were Bada’s favorite toy, but you were more cherished and worshiped than any toy you could think of. The way she delighted herself in tasting you, in finding the spots that made you react the loudest, the way she couldn’t stop moaning with every lick and every suckle. It was perfection. You had to muffle your moans with one of the cushions at this point, feeling like they were getting too loud for the walls to hold them in, and Bada was going to make sure to stretch this moment out as much as she could. Just as you felt that exquisite, warm knot forming in the pit of your stomach, Bada pulled away cruelly, leaving you with no contact and no relief.

You whined and Bada almost laughed, instead seeking to kiss your inner thighs lovingly. Between each kiss she spoke. “Shh, shh, I’m sorry,” a sweet, tender tone contrasted to that hungry beast from moments ago. 

She didn’t want it to be over, as much as you didn’t want it to be over. But the nagging in the back of each other’s mind was that at any moment they could be interrupted by producers, staff or even other dancers coming in to leave their goodbye letters. Gosh, you didn’t want this to stop, but… 

“Bada,” you breathlessly spoke, caressing her head. “Please just–,” a moan interrupted your sentence, as Bada trailed those kisses down back to your sensitive pussy, going back to sucking your clit so hungrily. It distracted you for a second, feeling a stronger wave of pleasure that was soon to build up. But you held strong, and battled to get your words out. “W-we don’t have a lot of time, Bada,” you gulped, grabbing a fistful of Bada’s hair as she hummed in acknowledgement. “I-I want you to come as we–.”

With a pop, Bada pulled away, drawing out a frustrated sigh even though you knew it was probably for the best if she wanted to talk. Such a conundrum you were in, huh? She looked so satisfied with herself though, licking her lips and wiping her chin and smiling at you. “I know, I know,” she started crawling up to meet face to face with you. “I just couldn’t resist you.”

Your ego couldn’t be higher at that moment. “I-I know, but we don’t have a lot of time left.”

“I’m going to be without you for god knows how long,” Bada said, getting up and beginning to take off her sweatpant and underwear. “I had to get as much as I could.”

In the blink of an eye, Bada was between your legs again. You clung to her hoodie as she hovered over you and aligned herself with you perfectly, eyes locked, lips hovering just small inches away from one another. You almost go for the kiss, but Bada starts to move those treacherously good hips of hers, her own wet pussy rubbing against yours. Finally, Bada’s moans and yours came out, unmuffled and together. A little too loud at first, but you both did your best to keep it down. You clung harder, grabbing two fistfuls of her hoodie and instinctively holding her close; Bada kept your trembling legs apart and in place for her to keep grinding, leaning down to your ear to let those restrained moans be heard only by you. Now Bada couldn’t start slow, already too excited to even command her body to go gently. It was like her passion became unrestrained bit by bit, starting at a moderate pace and growing firmer, harder and faster. 

In that moment Bada was stripped from her persona, her restraint, succumbing to her whims and desire for you. She moaned out your name, could barely make sentences – strung together by a thin line in between countless moans and gasps – and desperately held you in place. The rhythm and consistency in her luscious movement suddenly felt slightly erratic, like she was losing control over herself, and you could tell this was true by the way her moans were turning higher in pitch, no longer as subdued. The sheer feeling of Bada losing her composure like that, the feeling of her body getting warmer, her pussy getting wetter and growing more sensitive against yours, that alone was starting to get you closer to your orgasm. Instinctively, you pulled her and made her look at you into your eyes. You cherished that look on her eyes, you let her see yours, before you both leaned in. Lips clashed sloppily, clumsily, tongues clashing frantically as Bada’s hips moved faster. Faster. Faster. 

Until both of you threw each other over the edge, unable to continue kissing each other, unable to stop digging your nails into each other’s skin, with Bada being unable to keep a more consistent pace as she came. In that moment, brief but so stretched out in your perception, Bada’s back arched a bit and her parted lips could only gasp out your name helplessly, taken over by such cathartic pleasure. You couldn’t even coherently call out for her, not as the highest of high kept both of you completely and totally out of your minds.

Then it started to descend, nice and easy, and just like that both of you limply embraced each other. The room, once filled with gasps and moans, now was quiet with some panting here and then. Not a sound could be heard outside, not one single distraction. Just you and Bada coming down from such a mindblowing high.

After a few moments, Bada lifted her head from the crook of your neck, whimpering at the feeling of her oversensitive pussy rubbing against yours at her own movement. You chuckle at it and she smiles, giddily, lifting her body up for a second. “Y’okay?” she slurred her words a bit.

You could only nod, still clinging to her hoodie. “You?”

Bada exhaled loudly with a smile, nodding. “That was so good.”

You giggled, placing a hand on her chest. There it was, her heart resting easier, her smile making your own heart skip a beat. What privilege to be able to feel her like this, to see her smile like that, to watch her take your hand and kiss it lazily. But before you could even say anything, your phone’s alarm went off. Signifying visiting time was over and that you had to begin packing things up. Without saying a word, you and Bada got up and dressed up hastily. Frankly, a rather chaotic scene that made the both of you laugh while doing so. Especially when you still felt like jelly and Bada had to stop you from falling over when your legs still trembled. 

At one point, the handle of the room rustled, giving you the sign that your crew was here. Bada looked at you with wide eyes, unsure of where to even hide herself. But you merely told her to stay there as you opened the door. Your crew was… surprised, but they didn’t make a fuss, only smiling and greeting Bada – ignoring that Bada and you were still pretty red in the face and… lightly panting.

Bada bid her farewells with everyone cordially, they didn’t say a thing, but when it came to you…

“You better win this,” you told Bada, keeping yourself in check even though you wanted to climb on her and hug her like a koala.

Bada nodded. “I will,” and she started to walk away.

Then she stopped.

You were confused, until you saw her turn around and walk back to give you a simple but fervid kiss right in front of everyone. The sweet taste of a lustful affair still fresh on those marshmallow lips, that alone made you blush more. But the boldness of it, how it seemed that she was no longer hesitating, that was everything.

The kiss was over even though you both were reluctant in stopping it. You both shared a complicit smile and she finally walked away, perhaps with a new found vigor and inspiration.

You were left with your crew mates and the moment you turned around, their faces looked priceless. You didn’t have any explaining to do, letting that kiss tell them everything they needed to know.

“Alright, let’s pack.”

[low-budget-korra]

My comments on Arcane s01

-Vi is the sister I wish I had, fr. And as an lesbian older sister myself, it wasn't hard for me to connect with her from the very first episode.And now that I've watched the show, I don't understand how some people blame her for wherever she did to Jinx. Yeah, Jinx was just a kid but guess what, so was Vi. Jinx lost everything? So has Vi.

"but Violet abandoned Powder" No! She was protecting her lil sister. And she just saw her sister murder their entire family, how y'all think she feels? And she was about to save Powder before she was kidnapped.

And the fact that she manages to be so soft and good besides everything she went through... Vi is THE exception.

-Powder/Jinx was just a kid and all but damn. Vi forgives it all she has done, and in the one time Vi needs her forgiveness, she's so quick to hate her for good. Did she really realize what she had done?

Well, now I see why some people compared her to Azula. The difference is that Azula never had anything like Vander or Vi, Jinx had that and still went nuts. And also, Azula never goes for the murder, not really when it was expected (like when she was betrayed by Mai and Ty Lee). While Jinx would give 2 shits about kill people for funzies.

Yes, I feel sympathy for her, just as much as I feel anger towards her. She is a complex character that's for sure. And mentally ill

And my hate for her is mostly for the way she treats Vi honestly

Anyway, there's this joke on Brazilian fandom that Jinx is homophobic and that's why she can't stand Caitlyn and can't stand seeing her with Vi, and I think it's honestly hilarious

-CaitVi is a wonderful ship. Nothing against the explicit and big gestures such as kissing and all but damn, I missed the subtlety. The minor and meaningful touches, the gazes...it reminded me so much of Korrasami

-I loved Jayce and Caitlyn's relationship. When united, gays and lesbians are strong.

And I still don't get why people keep pretending Caitlyn actions on s2(as far as I saw in the trailers) aren't justified. Her mom was murdered by the people she tried to help, if it was me, I would also raise hell upon them. Anyway, let's talk about s1 Caitlyn and she is just so adorable.

She really wanted to make a difference, to help. She got out of her bubble and got a taste of the real world, and I bet it hurt. She just wanted to help and to do what's right but she paid the high price and has all the right to me mad at s2

And from the way she flinched at Jinx during the "dinner" scene, at bet the hours she spent under Jinx mercy weren't nice

-Im sorry, I didn't care much about the hextec plot. I know it's important and it's what makes the character on the road but their inner struggles and their subplots are far better to watch.

The only interesting part of them was Jayce cuz he is such an interesting character. For the way I've seen people talk about them, I thought he was gonna be the worst but no. You can see he struggles with some decisions. He ain't bad, he just does bad decisions

-Ekko is such a G man. If something happens to him in s2, I will riot. I like how he is the exact opposite of Jinx.

Ekko also lost everything and everyone, but instead of Jinx, he turned his pain into something good, into helping others the way Vander and Benzo helped him and the other kids.

I wasn't expecting him to be friends with Heimerdinger but I love that for him

-Lets talk about something serious, Jinx was right in her anger towards the upper class but blowing things up was not the answer. Vander knew and saw things how it was, making deals is better than having innocent blood in the streets.In fact, I saw a lot of simplified comments about the politics and social aspects of Arcane and now that I've watched the show I see how damn immature and naive a lot of them are.

Do not get me wrong, we should rebel every time we need and violence is a part of that. No revolution happened without it. But we should be wise about the battles we pick.

Let's look at Caitlyn for example, she is born rich and a good person. It's naive to expect someone born with everything and disconnected with the lower class problems and needs, to all of sudden be an ally to social causes. Born rich and privileged doesn't necessarily mean you are born a bad person, just as much as born poor doesn't automatically make you a good person.

Now, do you think Caitlyn deserved to lose her mother like that? Do you think she deserves what Jinx did to her just because she was from Piltover? That's when you lose potential allies and gain strong enemiesIt's not that simple. Social problems such as class differences, poverty, violence...it's not something that you can fix that easily. Oh man, I wish it was but it ain't.

With all that said, Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Ekko, Vander...none of them are evil and most of their actions (if not all of them) have a solid reason behind it, but this doesn't mean they were the best thing to do.

-Fuck you Silco. He is what happens when you put a "wherever it cost" mentality, cuz sometimes the cost is high. Too high. Also, he doesn't want justice or revenge, he wants power

-The animation and sound design is a masterpiece too. And the fight choreography? Damn shit was fire

[hopefulprotect]

Will was purposely careful with his words. Because one he didn’t want to pull his own hopes up for a future, nor did he want to lead Hanna on. He was protecting his heart while still being straight with her. Our history was no picnic, it was hurtful, sometimes felt devastated. Because Hannah was strong, independent, she was fierce despite her struggles. And I loved her once, and I couldn’t deny the feelings were felt sitting here with her. But given the juggled history; she was on a new clean slate; I would never jeopardize  that. I wanted Hannah to have a great future; she was one of the best. Surgeons didn’t have the same magic touch she did. 

Today was proof enough the abilities, the skillsets she had compared to other surgeons, she also held the compassion; Hannah should’ve put me in my place today being reckless, putting her in a position with Goodwin, but instead she came along for the ride. A part of me thought it was to make amends, she felt guilty for ghosting me back then. But I also knew Hannah she cared about Alyssa and getting her the chance to see her child. It made my heart swell up; I could feel the vibe between us, the connection was present. But it came down to trust; it came down to being able to communicate your wants; your future to the other. But I wanted Hannah to be the one to hold the cards; Will was cautious obviously so; she broke his heart. But he also hurt her by lying to himself before he saw real love, the passion, the need to lean on the other he did want to save her from herself. 

But our connection now wasn’t about saving, it was real. I missed her; I missed her laugh, how easy it was to get lost in conversation; have fun with the other. “ I was holding a grudge when I first saw you today, A part of me believed you wouldn’t come because i called. Because once upon a time you left without a word, and you supposedly cared about me, But those actions to some may feel unforgivable. But I also know back then I wanted to save you, protect you. But now, I know you can handle yourself; and you believed I was making the right decision today with Alyssa, despite my own impulses.” A short laugh in the awkward air now, was Hannah saying she regretted leaving? Will didn’t know what to believe nor was he going to hope right in. A trust needed to be earned again. All that to say; he wore a tender smile and allowed his eyes to take her own; take time to consider the options; ultimately I wanted the blonde to be happy. Weather it was here in Chicago or California.  The boldness, I liked in Hannah, I definitely was picking up on the feelers she was attempting to give out when it came to us, get to know each other; work together again. And man did I miss her; but I also had to be cautious now. Offering a friendly sentiment now, the male spoke. “ I’d love to spend more time together, I missed you.” And I did; and where the roads led now was up to us; friends, co-workers.. I knew what was in my heart I just had to protect myself once in a while.

continued

@drhannahasher

It was a big ask; a beg even for Hannah to overcome her struggles to come into Med to help me. And honestly thinking back to the call I had the low expectations she’d answer or yet come for my benefit. Hannah made it clear over a year ago when she left Chicago she left us, left me behind. It took the hold of constant rejected calls and unanswered messages to understand to see the bigger picture. She wanted nothing to do with me; she had tossed me aside when she had her relapse. And it stung; I cared I wanted to help her. I believed in her when she thought the worse version of herself. I saw the good in her; and yeah I wanted to keep her off the wagon, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for her. I knew she past; the struggles, but I also saw how strong she was. 

Hannah wasn’t how everyone perceived her after the accident; after being seen as a drug addict, after she left town. I believed she’d find what she was searching for. Even if it never included me. I had Jay on my back teasing about the pinning love I lost, as if he had something to say, given the fact he was not so subtle pinning for his partner might I add. Let’s just say our nights of going out for a drink had become quite frequent. But today wasn’t about my feelings, or my lack of covering what i felt for the blonde. It was about Alyssa a friend who I cared for. And her unborn child; her husband was on another table; one Ethan was working to fix, but my priority was in Hannah’s gallery because even if she didn’t want my support in the OR I was going to be in the gallery to oversea the process, I would never forgive myself if I never showed up. I was scared for Alyssa my childhood friend, but I knew the consequences if Hannah had messed up; not that I believed she would. 

Because I knew the female; she had skill, she worked with grace, which was only confirmed as I stood in the gallery. I glanced to the prying eyes of the residents; of interns who only knew of Hannah Asher through the whispers. But I saw Hannah first hand and I wanted to be proud of her. But her last comment stood in my head. “ Reunite you with Alyssa and the baby.” What does that mean? I had rack my mind on it. I was probably coming off as dumb now, but right now I was confused. Did Hannah think Alyssa and I were..? Did she believe I was the dad because of how far I fought for Alyssa? The questions kept looping around in my mind. And honestly I wouldn’t blame the blonde if she assumed. I did fight for Alyssa, I fought to get her the best care. The only OB I trusted to care for her. She was a friend someone I’d always go to bat for. But did I want to be with Alyssa? No of course not. Once a crush but now I was happy with being a doctor, of being the caring surgeon; the one that oversteps on almost every occasion. 

Hand rested on the wall; eyes glued to the scene. Hannah was working against her own OR, she was preparing to close up when it happened. She lost the stats, the baby was at risk, and Alyssa the blood flow was subsiding, I felt the lump that formed in my throat, and I knew the way her own staff spoke to her. No belief at all. I felt the rage, the anger coursing through my body. She was alone; and man it took every fiber in my body not to run down there; not to intervene, because I knew Hannah she was strong and brave, but she also felt the way people saw her. An addict. She probably wanted to run and never turn back. My heart ached for her, but I wanted to respect her boundaries which was me staying far from the OR. So I stayed in the gallery; I held my breath waiting; but by the end of the surgery I felt pride, I let out the exhale of relief i had been holding. She did it; the baby was okay, and Alyssa she was stable, I felt like I might cry over how phenomenal she was. I was proud of her; and that’s why I released my hold of the wall and I turned to leave the gallery. 

Each step I went with ease, as he walked the stairs, until I reached the ground floor. Will had made his way to the scrub room; where he knew he’d find her; as he pushed through the door he paused wanting to admire her handy work, the surgeon she was. 

“ I knew I put my faith in the right person, You did good. I don’t care what any one in that OR says, you showed what you are capable of.” And Will meant each word; as if it was close to his chest.

[youngpettyqueen]

I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for

[jils-things]

me when i stop caring too hard

[ikemenomegas]

Nightmare for Gojo? Because he's kind of a nightmare 😂

He is kind of a nightmare [affectionately] isn't he XD. Hmm how about in a nightmare?

i.

You wake with a quiet gasp, alone in a room that is familiar but not yours.

Throat feeling too thick, you sit up and fumble for the cup of water on the bedside table. It is stale, but it forces you to hold your hands steady and you grip it just a little tighter than normal while you slowly cycle cursed energy through your body.

It warms your limbs and wakes you up. You're unsure whether to be disappointed about that. It's still dark outside and the dull white numbers of the clock in the bookshelf read some time late after one in the morning. Too late to be wandering but you shrug a thick oversized shirt over the clothes you had put on - too wary of being woken by more than your own mind to change into pajamas - and pad out the door, into the chill November night.

You can't sit still while images, real and imagined, tear around your mind. The path before you goes up and around the mountain the school is built around, and you start to climb, lungs tingling with cold.

No one stops you.

You weren't there in the barrier on Halloween. You're not on trial. You're not under arrest or even truly censured. You're just... remanded to the school. Waiting. While they decide whether or not you're enough trouble to execute outright.

Satoru has made enough of a nuisance of himself that you're fairly confident they'll ignore you in comparison. Especially once they won't be able to prove any binding connection. It makes you wonder for a moment how intentional it is the way he pushes away everyone but the college's dozen wayward teenagers, and how much is just his bad personality.

Children he can protect. The world of sorcerer's is a harsh one, but it has still learned to excuse youth and its inexperience.

It makes you wonder again why he has you.

Your nose is cold by the time you run out of road and end up at your destination. Night washes out color and it hasn't helped the constant replay in your head, like the pages of a book flipping back and forth: bodies surrounding a bed, moving the bare figure on it, dead to the world.

When you enter the infirmary, the familiar scent of antiseptic and medicine just makes you shudder. The lights are low, half of them turned off given the late hour, tiled walls and floors gleaming dully. You move deeper into the building, listening, but the only footsteps are yours.

At every corner, you're apprehensive of what you might find.

The infirmary is dim and gray as the vision that woke you where pooling light doesn't touch. You hesitate once, just the tip of your finger on the door to a room you have been in before, and then steel your nerves and slide it open.

The fact Shoko can't describe how to create or use reverse-cursed energy used to frustrate Satoru. You'd thought she was enigmatic, since then you've come to understand.

Even when you can lay out the rules of a technique in perfectly comprehensible terms, the feeling is not so easy to describe.

How does Gojo Satoru make something that literally shouldn't exist? The answer lies in mathematics. The way Shoko repairs the human body is based in biology and physiology. Your own technique is only an answer to certain laws of physics.

Even Suguru, whose power was the closest to the kind of pure and terrible magic that you used to think existed only in storybooks, who didn't want to explain himself...

You'd guessed over a decade ago that his physical form was acting as some kind of barrier but the truth is you still don't understand it.

Even knowing what you know, maybe you don't understand any of the people around you.

Just like how Shoko can't quite explain herself, she can't explain why Nobara hasn't woken up yet. The curse called Mahito should have rent her to ribbons like it had done to Nanami but sorcerers are good at subverting what should happen.

Instead, she like so many other things, is simply a secret here, her injury frozen while Shoko carefully tries to augment whatever technique Nobara discovered at the edge of death.

She'll be fine, that's the verdict, but with nothing else to do, you come here to see her, to remind yourself of what it is you're protecting.

You sit on a hospital's version of a some kind of padded bench, and rest your elbows on your thighs and drift into an uneasy sort of vigil.

ii.

"Nightmare?"

Megumi's voice jolts you out of your doze. You can't have been here long because you don't yet feel the chill, but you hadn't heard him approach the door. He doesn't look convinced when you try and smile at him.

"You always did know. Even as a child."

"You shouldn't try to hide it."

You just give him another smile and Megumi sighs, settling down next to you on the bench. It's familiar the same way you sat down was familiar. The heaviness is a mirror to your own. You've seen him here and have left him alone while he works out whatever he has to at his healing teammate's side, silencing your steps to give him privacy.

"I'm proud of you, you know."

Megumi starts. He's been different, since Shibuya. You all have been, the world has changed, but there's a weight to his steps that's just... different.

Megumi rests his head against the wall, disordered hair even messier at the back than usual. He must have been here before you and stepped out. You must really look worn down if he broke the unspoken rule you'd both been abiding by. Or maybe he just wanted to be around a familiar face for a while.

The light in Nobara's room is turned down, and it's like the scratch of discordant strings, the screech of a train, the way the grey false memory of your dream cuts through your chest.

There's no such thing as prophetic sorcery. Nothing is set that far in stone.

And yet.

"I know what you're trying to do. The strategy is good, but if it's a choice between your lives and accomplishing your mission--"

You trail off while Megumi looks curiously down at where you're still hunched over your folded hands. You have just enough courage to let your hands shake a little in exchange for meeting his eyes and seeing the guard there, and the trust.

You turn away before you can see that most precious thing break.

"Take your lives."

You can feel the way Megumi stiffens beside you. He's been raised by the Strongest sorcerer in the world and told more than once that he has potential to be that equal. He can be forgiven the hope and arrogance that one can win it all.

Although... they'll be with Hakari, so maybe not.

There's always a price to be paid though. If the kids don't come back, if this kid you've known since he was six and far too serious--

"Gojo-sensei has done a lot for everyone," Megumi says, voice dark and low.

He tries to keep you out of it, is what you don't say. There's lines he won't cross. The spirit possessing our old classmate's body found one of them.

Even though the kid's taken up the mantle, clan head at his age, it's still worlds cleaner than it could have been.

"The world needs him," Megumi adds, and you say nothing to the slightly desperate edge. The world needs a lot of adults to do more than they are and some adults to do less than they've done.

"The world might be able to rise to the occasion," you reply, and you're trying for dry but even to your ears you just sound tired.

"Don't you want him back?" Megumi finally asks, quieter. He doesn't talk about the thing between you and Satoru. It's been what he knows most of his life even when he hated the "lanky layabout teenage delinquent" that showed up in front of him like some kind of criminal. He's old enough now to assume what is still, for the time being, true.

"I think that Gojo is a little safer in there than the rest of us out here." It's stupid to be this emotional about it, it was just a dream. "Don't you think?" you try and joke.

He gives you the kind of look he sometimes give Satoru when he does something to try and derail a conversation in the worst way possible.

"Well whatever Megumi-kun is going to do, is what Megumi-kun is going to do," you say, leaning back so your head touches the wall too, the chill seeping through your skin as you speak blithely into the air.

Megumi leans back and sags a little sideways, sighing. "You shouldn't worry so much," he finally says.

I wouldn't worry so much if you valued your own life a little more, but how can he? A sorcerer's life is lived in the service of a world which barely knows they exist, fighting the kind of battles that barely hold the line against curses. Protecting people from their own creeping self destruction.

You had normal friends, once upon a time. Sometimes you still see those people. You make excuses for your absences and fend off well meaning attempts to get you to try and date someone, to come out drinking and catch up, to see them more often than middle school reunions.

Satoru doesn't get it. He's never had any of that. A normal life? It's pointless to try and you don't miss it. Being a sorcerer is what you can do. It's just a hard truth that you have to do it alone.

Satoru wants the students strong enough to be an indispensable threat, to fill the ranks and tip the balance of power. You want them strong enough to stand together.

Sometimes you think that makes you the worse of the two of you.

"You don't have to take it all on your own. I know I'm not around a lot, so it's okay if my words don't carry as much weight. If it makes you feel better though, you all are the plan, so you can't go around dying. Satoru knows you're important to changing the world so--" don't let him ask you to die for him.

The mark between your shoulder blades burns.

"I'll be careful," Megumi says, but his voice is weird, too close, and you know why a second later as his head lands on your shoulder, curling up a little into himself like when he was younger. "I'll make sure Itadori is careful too."

He's hidden his face in the high collar of his jacket but your own embarrassment is harder to hide up close. "Well," you settle in, moving the bare minimum so Megumi can rest a little more comfortably without being embarrassed into leaving completely. "I'll be here. Probably."

His elbow digs into your side hard enough to knock your breath out.

"Ouch. I think Nobara is rubbing off on you. You know she's going to be insufferable about the reverse cursed technique once she wakes up."

Megumi hummed, amused, but went quiet after that. You felt as his breath deepened and more of his weight dropped against you and he eventually fell sleep.

iii.

"You smell like him," Shoko says, leaning against the wall. She doesn't have to say who. You are wearing a piece of clothing you'd left in his room for far too long and your old classmate has always had a sharp nose.

"Hmm," you distracted yourself by checking on Megumi again. You want to smooth the unruly hair from his forehead like you had done when he was a mistrustful boy, tug the wrinkles from his collar like you had when he was an angry middle schooler.

Now he's a sorcerer, somewhere between a man and a child, steady and kind and tired. You can see the dark circles under his eyes and the way he slouches when he walks has to do with that new weight he carries.

When you look up, Shoko is still looking at you. She hasn't given you a look like that since first year when none of you liked or trusted one another further than you had to.

You incline your head towards Nobara's bed anyways, giving her permission to enter the room. She doesn't need it. The infirmary sits squarely in your mind as part of Shoko's territory. When she's administering to her patients, she is the only one in charge.

Still, she gives you a wide berth on her way to check on Nobara and it gives you an odd sense of relief. You want to say it's because you came to talk to her as much as checking on the injured students, but begrudgingly you admit she's treating you like she would treat any Alpha guarding their pups. She comes close only to the one you've granted permission until you feel safe around her again.

They're not your kids, you remind yourself guiltily. You don't have that kind of right, no matter how protective you feel.

If I am ever incapacitated, look under the loose floorboard in his old room. You know the one where he kept Shoko's--

Cigarettes, yeah.

As if any of you could forget. It was so long ago, more years spent apart than together, but that year still haunts you like a ghost.

Earlier in the afternoon, you'd followed those instructions and found your own piece of Satoru's contingency plan. Then you'd watched it burn between your fingertips, turned to less than ash.

You wonder if Shoko is here for Nobara or for you.

She checks the girl's pulse and you watch her close her eyes in concentration, a golden glow filtering through Nobara's veins.

You're glad to see her chest rise and fall a little easier.

When Shoko finishes you use a tiny bit of your technique to draw her scent towards you on a breeze. She smells like smoke.

The scent flashes grey over those old memories of delinquent days.

What the hell are you two doing?

It's disconcerting to be left out of the loop, but as Satoru's letter proved, maybe it's the right thing to do. You do have your own part to play after all. It won't do to die yet.

You don't want to wake Megumi though. It's been a long time since the last time you've been able to take care of him. It's the only thing that's felt right since Satoru was sealed, since Nanami died.

It's not going to be yours much longer in any case. Maybe that's why Shoko quietly sits down at a desk in the corner and starts making notes in Nobara's chart.

He's not your kid. He's not even Satoru's kid, he was never adopted as a ward, the clans just didn't fight the sponsorship. And he's a few years too old to be able to pretend, which is probably a good thing. What kind of parent wants this kind of job for their child, for children to meet early deaths? Some of the students grew up being told there was honor in it, some that this was what they were born to do.

Megumi's smart, loyal. He could have found a way into the world of non-sorcerers and to a normal life. But he would never leave his sister behind or the promise he made. You don't think he's capable of leaving behind the people he's decided to care about. It would carve out his heart.

That more than anything reminds you you're not his Appa. He had a father and Satoru killed him.

"Megumi-kun" you say softly.

He stirs, but doesn't open his eyes. A muffled chuffing chirp is all you get as he turns his head into your arm.

Shoko's pen stills on the paper for a second before restarting. Still it's a second too long and it's probably the tension in your body that makes Megumi blink open his eyes before you call for him again.

"Sorry to wake you," you whisper.

Megumi sits up slowly, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You should go sleep in a bed. I'll come get you if anything changes."

He tips his head around your body to see Shoko, probably doodling nonsense right now to keep your instincts at bay.

Maybe he gets it because he nods sleepily and stretches when he stands.

You shrug off the oversized shirt, leaving you in your typical sorcerer blacks. The shirt is more like a jacket anyways, with a thick weave and heavy material, and it will help keep him warm on the walk back. "It'll be colder now, so don't linger, okay?"

He takes it with a little bit of red in his cheeks, but you already guessed he was leaning on you at least partly because it smelled like Satoru. Satoru who's always been there no matter how much Megumi didn't want to ask too much. He puts his nose in the collar as if he's cold.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

You hope your expression is a little more convincing this time. "I'll be fine. Get some rest."

When he leaves Shoko stays. She sits heavily beside you, her fingers tapping on her thighs like they want for something to do.

People don't look at Shoko. She is, like the school, a secret kept with silence. She keeps her own counsel the same way.

Once, you thought you would always know where to find her, but sitting here, in the pre-dawn dark, she is both familiar and a stranger.

The dream is fading, as dreams do. Already it has slowed so that it is no longer a familiar body, limp, spare, Hellenic muscle of his naked flank and thighs dimpling under some masked, gowned creature's handling. Turning your mate so that he lies lateral, faced away from you while horror yanks you back like a hook through your navel.

The scene turns to snapshots and the dull, ill feeling remaining to thrum through your body. It's a bitter match to your resolve.

"How's Toge?"

Shoko shrugs. "The wound is sealed but it's still resisting my technique. We have to wait for his blood supply to build back up before anyone tries again."

"I'll see him when he wakes up then."

"You're planning to stay the night?"

"You expect me to sleep after this?"

Shoko sighed, looking suddenly more tired. "You're really going through with it then? It's only been three days."

"They made the declaration this evening. Against any argument that this Getou isn't Suguru, the higher-ups have decided. Satoru's conditions have been met."

"Being his mate could still give you some pull," Shoko said, "even mated to the exiled clan head, you'll carry weight with some of the factions."

"They're already hunting Yaga. If I want to live long enough to make any difference at all, it has to be before they start sincerely going down the list and assigning bounties."

Her lips twist in distaste. She might be aware of sorcerer politics but you've always gotten the distinct impression she tries not to be.

"I didn't expect you to try talking me out of it." Aren't you in on whatever he's planning? Either way you're getting close to dangerous territory.

"It's not exactly a standard procedure but you should still know what your options are."

You carefully pressed the tips your fingers into into your left palm. You'd never thought of yourself as having pride exactly in the bond-mark. People in the non-sorcerer world could show theirs off but it meant something different in the sorcerer world.

Even though both of you typically had it covered, it's been there for almost four years, a constant reassurance of the promise you'd made to him. One hand comes up to grip your own shoulder.

Will he feel it?

"It's what has to be done," you say. You remember Satoru's wide hand coming to rest on your back, steering you clear of the Harajuku crowds. You remember brushing against the mark with the tip of your nose as you leaned over the back of the sofa, arms wrapped around his shoulders. You remember talking with him about it in the weeks before you'd bitten the mark bloody and deep at the very base of his neck. You remembered the way you own spine had bent when he placed his own mark on you.

"Ready?"

When could anybody who has made this choice be ready?

When you nod and Shoko's hand slips down the back of your neck and under the hem of your uniform to where your bond-mark hides.

The three steps of mating in the sorcery world are each a binding vow.

The bond vow is a less formal, more emotional tether, and the fear of loss makes one stronger. The emotional difficulty of leveraging that fear lending a sorcerer increased power. A marriage vow is a declaration, saying that this was someone important to you whom you would protect as family placed a target on each sorcerer in the bond and heightened the sense of risk. In the mating vow, the bond-mark that goes with it claims ownership and power, one over the other, sealing the other two bonds so that no one else could easily break them.

In return, its destruction destroys all physical evidence of the other two.

The bond-mark is a seal and can only be broken by the death contingency or by cursed and reverse-cursed energy being used on the seal at the same time. It's intentionally difficult, meant to protect the powers achieved by sorcerers entangled this way.

Shoko sets her fingers into the faint indented marking of the bond-mark bitten over where your heart chakra would be pierced through.

The mark resists her, but the crawling of your skin lets you know that the scar is already changing.

Better not to draw it out.

With your hand on the other side of your chest, you push cursed energy into the mark, swirling slowly around the elliptic shape. It feels hot and cold and like pins and needles as you break the muscle and collagen apart and Shoko knits it back together.

She presses her fingers into the smooth skin, checking on her work. But you can feel it. The bond-mark is gone.

As if it were never there at all.

It doesn't make any difference. You couldn't feel Satoru's presence before he was sealed or after.

It shouldn't make a difference, but you feel both lighter and heavier, like Gojo's gravity is still rooted somewhere in your body.

You drop your hand back to your knees.

Shoko doesn't leave.

You listen for Nobara, for her still-human breathing.

When you look over at her, Shoko is also looking down at the ground.

"I didn't think you'd do it."

You look back at the black and white pattern on the ground. You weren't sure you would either. It had felt too much like admitting defeat but then...

"I dreamt of him."

You shouldn't be saying anything. Shoko doesn't do this. But she's staying even though she should leave so you can make your confessions to a comatose fifteen year old who won't ever know you've been here.

"A bunch of scientists, rolling him on a table," you say, wry and feeling ridiculous. The dream doesn't sound terrible when you say it aloud. "Just... faceless people manipulating him while he just lies there." Unable to stop it. You, unable to stop it because you'd been as frozen as that day in the city, and then you'd woken up.

The dream might be fading but you feel like it's still happening.

Shoko straightens up and you know she's finally leaving. You know what she's thinking too because you made sure to say it that way, in the way that would make the dream a metaphor of what's happening right now. If you'd hinted at your simply literal horror, she'd be within her rights to laugh at you.

"So it's not like a vow will be useful anyways," you force your voice light and slightly self mocking. "He can't do anything from in there so why not pretend it never happened."

You raise your head only meet Shoko's apprehensive expression and falter. There aren't a lot of people who know for certain that Satoru is your mate. Now your place by his name in the family tree will be burnt away. The sealing ink on the marriage documents will fade to nothing. The bond itself might still exist, but any promises intentionally attached to it are blown away like so much sound in a gale.

There's a pinched edge to Shoko's usually cool expression. It's too bad that even with this, you can't promise not to leave her all alone. "Let me know if you need anything for it," she says before spinning on her heels and clicking away down the hall.

iv.

You bury your face into your folded hands, thinking of that body, his body, knuckles pressed hard to your forehead, while the vision shifts slowly to Shoko, to the dead-limp body of the students, to Nanami's hellbent flesh, and back.

You hadn't told Shoko everything.

The only part you can't shake was the way that grayscale atrocity began - with Gojo Satoru torn open and bloody like that day, something bundled and birthed dead being taken from him, and how you knew even while he was turned away from you that he was back to being as pristine as he was when this began.

Megumi leaves again in the morning and you don't say goodbye from the window where you're watching. You didn't go back to sleep, there's too much to do. Your power courses like a livewire inside of you.

You started cycling it to see if your typical energy was still there. You should feel weaker without the vows and restrictions weighing you down, but for now you don't. Anger pours molten through you, fear slinks under it like ice. Grief lays over it all like it lays over everyone and the black and white terror of truly losing what Megumi really means when he talks about the world needing Gojo Satoru is both more stark and more abstract in the morning.

You've never thought of yourself as living in Satoru's shadow. Suffering that particular misconception was thankfully prevented by having a good insight into the reality. You hated that there were so many things he took care of alone.

Megumi doesn't think you have it in you to burn the world. You'd seen the faint disbelief in his eyes when you'd told him to give up on Satoru if it meant surviving. And maybe he's right.

But what he doesn't see, behind the mask Satoru wears and Shoko's distance and Suguru's death and your silence is that you all became monsters. Maybe Gojo Satoru chose to keep you close because for a while you were the only one left.

If the kids don't come back, you think it might just be enough.

Gojo Satoru isn't the only nightmare in the world after all.

[cele-ish]

I am so so glad someone's bringing this up!

While usually I am strong defender of Genshin's localisation, most of Mona's constellation lines were butchered. The Chinese version gives us this:

「雄狮」早早离群，但她会继续成长，直到能完全继承狮群的荣耀。

which roughly translates to:

The "male lion" left the group early, but she will continue to grow until she can fully inherit the glory of the lion group.

It's not about her being separated from her pack. It sounds like it's about Diluc leaving and throwing his responsibilities on Jean's shoulders. He was the leader of the pack, the Favonious prodigy and from what we've heard about him, he was most likely considered to be Varka's successor. Jean was not prepared to shoulder all that unexpectedly at the ripe age of 17 and she always has to live up to the legend of the knight that Diluc was - at least in her head.

He was to be the sword, she was to be the shield, as indicated through their c6 constellations. Now she has to carry both.

Add to that the fact that Jean carries the burden of guilt for what happened to Diluc and that the Knights harboured a traitor. She thinks it's up to her to make the Knights as an organisation worthy of Diluc's respect again, so that his tragedy does not repeat ever again.

It doesn't help that Varka seems to take Jean for granted and has no consideration for her capacity - and since she was raised in the belief that she's only worth what she's able to offer Mondstadt, she will not protect her boundaries.

He sounds extremely dismissive even when talking about Jean to her mother. He doesn't respect the effort Jean is putting in at all. it's just odd errands, haha.

Most people in Mondstadt only see her achievements and are completely oblivious to their cost. She's wearing herself thin because she believes she has to work twice as hard to barely match the expectations and make up for her "shortcomings". She wants to have a perfect schedule, as her mother intended for her, but no matter how much she adjusts it (she's on version XVII, mind you!) she can't match the unrealistic standard and keeps falling behind and sacrificing her wellbeing trying to chase it. I also think of her to be a girlie who buys all the fresh produce, makes a weekly meal plan just to lack the time and energy to actually cook so she ends up eating random 'girl dinner' stuff (or takeaway pizza!) while her groceries rot away and she feels bad about it.

I even see her relationship with Klee as a result of "someone's gotta do it" state of mind. She's not well suited to taking care of a child, she's so awkward with Klee and even snaps at Kaeya's joke that she could pose as Klee's mother during the Golden Apple Archipelago. Yet she recognises that this child, with very unpredictable pyro powers, left behind in the city by her mother, is in need of formal protection and parental figures, even if unconventional ones. She has no idea how to connect with Klee yet still she does the right thing, enrolls her into the KoF as means of protection and making sure she's sheltered and taken care of.

If I were to choose her theme song, I wouldn't hesitate and pick "Surface Pressure" from Encanto right away. "Under the surface, I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service"? Please, that's Jean right away.

Both Kaeya and Lisa see through Jean's mask of professionalism and poise. They always look after her, voice their concerns. Lisa after Weinlesefest says how she's disappointed with Varka, Kaeya during the first Archon Quest even straight up mentions how becoming Acting Grand Master "must have been hard on Jean" if you talk with him in her office. Both of them are willing to push their boundaries to help out Jean, staying up late and finishing up her overdue work.

Additionally, Kaeya is always quick to put people in their place and remind them of Jean's authority. He always, always is trying to help Jean relax, whether it is through TCG, throwing her a party (and even clearing out her tasks so that she can actually enjoy it), or going out for drinks in Simulanka. These lines were not anyhow pushing the plot yet they were added either way. That means all of this is important. Given how close he was to Diluc, only he would truly know first hand how hard it was (is?) to walk in his shoes. Both him (as the Cavalry Captain) and Jean have to face it and do the heavy lifting. It's a unique mutual understanding.

So, tldr, under all that reliability and elegance is a stressed out disaster girlie who always thinks she's not good enough so she overworks herself to compensate for it.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, now I am late to places but I regret nothing.

I love all the hints at Jean not coping that well with being Acting Grand Master, because to nearly everyone it seems like she is but she just kinda isn't. Like, obviously there's her story quest where she just collapses from overworking herself but there are all these other examples that show that homegirl is not alright.

Like Jean this is not a normal way to consume coffee. This seems a lot more like dependence than "coffee just makes me feel a bit more awake" or just liking the drink.

And like wdym she's completing random reviews at 3am because she got sick (probably from overworking) and then not allowing herself to buy a book. Like that's just sad.

Like bro Mona took one look at Jean's constellation and was like "girl you've had too much on your plate for FAR too long". And then probably realised how depressing that sounded and was like "idk she's like really strong thoughhhh, it's not all baddd"

Like even Kaeya's concerned bro. At least she's got him looking out for her though.

[antisocialxconstruct]

oooughfhfg in my head about Maksim tonight folks