#so full of love today

[chalkrub]

dinosaur in a lab coat - would you trust her with operating the centrifuge

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[taffywabbit]

i have lots of flaws but i do at least take a fair amount of comfort knowing that, if i were a customer NPC in a fast food/retail management game, i would be one of the chill early-level ones that can wait a super long time before they start getting impatient, and you breathe a sigh of a relief when you see them show up in a harder level

[ionomycin]

Low tide

[crimeronan]

it kind of gets overshadowed by the horror of the rest of the episode, but. how funny is it that hunter Takes Off His Mask to yell at luz in the beginning of hollow mind. he's the perfect boy i just-

sorry i know it's my usual agenda rearing its head but i do think this is adorable. the Second the rebels are gone, hunter is like well fine. you just tackled me and fucked up my whole arrest and you're an anarchist shithead who constantly ruins my plans. but i KNOW you aren't going to attack me. for some reason i trust you implicitly. i don't need full armor here. what i NEED is for you to see JUST HOW LOUDLY I'M FROWNING-

[aimbutmiss]

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THIS SEQUENCE Zoro looks so concerned

[nicsian]

Ohhh the Big Bad Wolf Pearl trailing Red Riding Hood Gem everywhere because she's just so hungry.. she just wants to take Gem's life once and for all because wolves feed and Pearl wants to bite.

But the Red Riding Hood is just too clever, knows all of the wolf's tricks and traps, knows when to move and when to irritate, because nothing is more fun than a silly goose chase, right?

[kirby-the-gorb]

[gomzdrawfr]

it's hard loving yourself

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Person with no whimsy: Why are you trying to trick g-d with loopholes? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[thanotaphobia]

o7

what a wild week

[soupandflowers]

CHINAS IN CHAPTER 525.... THERE IS A TOTAL OF 35 DIFFERENT CHINAS IN THIS CHAPTER!!!! i think i just experienced the most ethereal feeling ever in my entire life

couldn't fit all the chinas because of tumblr's limit... so here is the other post with the last 5.. thank u to ramen on discord pointing out a china i have missed

[littlelightfish]

HOLM NATION HOW ARE WE FEELING

[morastfrck]

bucket of wings and a large coke please

[myokk]

Eloise🥹💓

[samdragons-official-art]

Submas gang still says winning y'all

Uncolored sketch under cut