#so feel free to make me write whenever

[wizisbored]

🎁🎁 dragon au? Or homunculus if you prefer ♥️

i choose Both

There’s something up in the tree, she realises, something she’s sure wasn’t there the first time. From the ground, it almost looks like her perch back home.

Leaving the ball in the grass but vowing to remember it this time, Lydia flies up to perch on a branch beside the new addition. It is, she realises, a little covered wooden bird table hung from one of the thicker limbs, and it only takes a brief sniff to tell her it’s housing beef jerky.

Immediately Lydia hops across to perch on the little platform, her tail swishing beneath her as she wolfs down the meat. Her mother used jerky as a training treat, and it feels fun and rebellious to just eat it for the sake of it, no obedience needed. Or at least, it does it first. After the first few mouthfuls it just feels… hollow. There’s no Emily to scratch her horns now, no tasks or tricks to keep her thinking and make her Mama smile. Nobody to tell her they’re proud.

///

Beetlejuice takes a rag in his little raccoon hands and wipes the milk from around her mouth while Charles combs her hair, and then the man scoops her up again to rub and pack her back until she dozes off. It still works to send her to sleep in minutes, and figuring out as much has been the only way he’s got her to bed at all since she’s been strong enough that tucking her in doesn’t trap her.

“Charles?” she mumbles sleeping from his shoulder.

“Mhm?”

“Don’t understand Mama gone.”

“I know, but it’s not time for that now.”

She grumbles, squirming groggily against him.

“Froglet, no.”

“Think… thinking more,” she mumbles. “Talk… bad. Hard?”

He gives a nonspecific hum in response to her sleepy babble.

[bbuzz28]

Memories

Old man Fiddlestan, my beloved-and what's this? It could be semi-canon compliant :O ?!?! Woof- this is one of the saddest things I have ever written. I know some of you gremlins (affectionate) love that sort of thing, but I don't. I like really really don't. This is my comfort ship, so I don't even know where this came from other than trying to figure out how they *could* work in canon. Truthfully though, I prefer my Fiddlestan heavy on the comfort when it comes to the "hurt/comfort" genre. This is my only “angsty” (i.e. no immediate happy ending) Notes-app fics, so don't get used to this level of sad from me lol.

“Stan?” an oddly familiar voice called. Mr. Mystery, Stan Pines, glanced up from the flyers he was organizing and found that Old Man McGucket stood in the doorway of his front door. The last tour of the day had just left, it was dinnertime, and he was exhausted. Stan rolled his eyes as he unfurled his tie, wishing Soos was still there to escort the crazy old man off his property. No matter what he did, the old hillbilly always managed to find his way back to the Shack. “Sweet Moses McSuckit, what are you doing in here? Shoo, scat, or whateva will get rid of ya.” Hearing no movement, he looked at the man again and found he was standing erect. His blue eyes were the clearest he had seen them in no less than a decade.

          Wait, what did he call- oh. Oh no.

“Stan…ley? Did I…did I do somethin’ wrong?” the other man asked, his hands twisted in knots in front of him. Memories flashed through Stan’s mind; Ford falling through the portal, Fiddleford finding him passed out in the lab, working together to bring Ford home again…being together. Being happy. They had been happy, if just for a little while, hadn’t they?

Then there was the cult, and his discovery of the damn memory gun that had finally ruined everything they ever built. He took a hesitant step forward, a thousand thoughts roaring in his mind at once. “Fidds? Wha-what do you remember?” A bandaged hand snaked up and rubbed over the faded scar on the side of his head “I…don’t rightly know. Did we…I think we had a fight? I just woke up in the…in the dump. N’ I don’t have any shoes. Do ya know why my arm is in a cast?” Fiddleford looked so lost.

Stan knew in his heart that all of this was fleeting- “clarity” would hit Fiddleford every few years after he had finally wiped his mind of himself. Almost like his brain was trying to jumpstart itself back together. The first time they thought it was a miracle but…it didn’t last. It just started a trend that would follow them both for the next almost thirty years. Fiddleford would seemingly “wake up” and be lucid for a few weeks in the beginning, then eventually only a matter of days. It had been so long since the last time that Stan would wager, they only had maybe a few hours together if he was lucky.

The last time Fiddleford was himself…they had fought. Stanley thought he had figured the only way Fiddleford could stay; he needed to remember. Remember everything he had ever forgotten. At the time, Fiddleford had been unwilling to try. He didn’t think he could handle it; he knew he had forgotten what he had for a reason.

Stanley had gotten as close to begging as he ever had in his life since surviving Tijuanna, and when it had no effect…Stanley had told Fiddleford to leave and never come back. He had left that night, and by the next day he had faded away again. After a while, Stan thought his last words had been the final nail in the coffin that was Fiddleford’s mind. He carried that weight along with every other mistake he had ever made. But here he was. Fiddleford. His Fiddleford.

He took a deep breath before he opened his arms up. “Hey, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter. I’m right here.” Fiddleford rushed through the doorway, melting into Stanley’s open arms. “I went away again, didn’t I?” Stan could feel Fiddleford’s tears soaking into his chest, his own whispering at the edges of his eyes. Yes, and you will leave again. You will leave me and I will be alone all over again, you fucking asshole. “Hey cowboy, didn’t I just say not t’ worry about any a’ that? You’re here now, n' that’s what matters. You’re…you’re home.” A haggard laugh vibrated through the smaller man’s chest into Stanley’s own. “I know I keep tellin’ ya, tellin’ me not t’ worry is like” “…tellin’ a fish t’ stop swimmin’; I know Fidds, I know.” Fuck was really the only conscious thought that went through his head as he held his one-time lover. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, again.

Fiddleford looked up, eyes wide and searching Stan’s face. “How long do ya think we have?” Stan shook his head, unwilling to lie even if it eventually wouldn’t matter because he wouldn’t remember. You’ve always been the only person I couldn’t lie to. “I dunno, it’s been…a while. Probably not very long.” Fiddleford closed his eyes before he said “I need ya t’ know somethin’, Stanley.” Stan started to shake his head. “Fidds, you don’t have t-” The look on the other man’s face shut Stan right up-he had always had that ability. Stan wished he didn’t miss it as much as he did. “I need ya to know that even when I’m not here…I miss you. The part of me that’s somewhere in here-” A weathered hand tapped the side of his head to emphasize his point “ misses you. I’m just so sorry, Stanley. Sorry that I’m a coward. I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to be here all the time…but I’ll never stop tryin’. I’ll always try n’ come home to ya.”

Stan thought of the thousands of times he had chased Old Man McGucket, the neat little character that Stan had to compartmentalize his Fiddleford into when he wasn’t himself, out of the Shack. How many times he had found him curled up like a cat on the back porch. How every time they “met”, McGucket would say how nice Stan was or how good he felt to be around him “for some reason.” How many odds and ends McGucket would gift Stan from the dump for exhibits at the Mystery Shack with a large smile and nothing substantial behind his eyes.

It would be so much easier if he would stop trying to come back. Maybe the hole in Stan’s heart the size of the sweet, certifiably insane man would scab over. How many times had Stanley mourned him? How many times was he willing to hurt himself? They were now nearing their sixties, how long was he really willing to do this song and dance?

What’s one more time? he softly thought, his hand coming up to tenderly cup the grizzled face of Fiddleford Hadron McGucket. Mad scientist, friend, and unfortunately for them both…the love of his life.

“I miss you too, Fidds.”

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

can someone please banish this writer's block for me 😫

it's the worst i've had in such a long time and i've tried to be patient with it but it's been fucking weeks now. i want to write so much but whenever i try they just feel like words on a page. every evening i sit down and rearrange them a little here and there and add some new ones, but they all just feel empty and and shit and my brain feels totally devoid of the creative spark i need to make everything come to life.

i know in large part it's my perfectionism getting in the way, but i don't know how to break through it. i don't know how to feel connected to my writing again. i don't know how to shift this fear of not being good enough that surges up every time i pick up a pen.

it's something that's always been there - but usually it at least comes in waves, or my love of what i'm creating is big enough to muffle it. right now, it's all i can hear. my inspiration has been totally drowned out by it. and i hate it so, so much. the fact that i can't access the one thing that brings me the kind of solace and joy and escapism i can't get anywhere else and is so vital to my soul. that i am blocking myself from engaging in the one thing that makes me feel like me.

i just feel so stuck and so lost and i miss being in that creative headspace so much it’s like a physical pain. it feels like part of me is missing, and it terrifies me that i don't know how to get it back.

[bogkeep]

it was always a strange dichotomy. every middle school classmate i had told me i'd be a millionaire when i grew up, a Famouse Artisté. it's easy enough to imagine as a teen, i suppose: skill equals fame equals money. i was doubtful about this prophecy, not because i wasn't confident in my ability to draw, but because it was hard to imagine a world where i'd be paid for it.

it was an ice breaker game at summer camp. horrible one, really - everyone in a group were given a character profile. now we had to imagine that it was the zombie apocalypse, and the helicopter to safety was two seats short and we had argue why we deserved a spot. the character i got was an asshole doctor of some kind. i don't remember if i argued my way into the helicopter or not, but i do remember the feeling that's been hanging over me my entire life - if the apocalypse happens right now, i have nothing to contribute.

there's something really painful about it. i have cultivated a skill for my whole life, i can make art and tell stories that are entirely unique to me, there is no way to get someone else to create in the exact same way i can, and yet - i've contributed more to capitalist society by sitting in an empty hotel reception for eight hours a day.

which made me develop anxiety, to boot.

i illustrated two children's books. they're some of my best work. the contract i signed was industry standard and the indie author who had hired me was incredibly kind... but even after stock sold out i had earnt little more than some pocket change.

in high school we had an outing to dig our own snow caves that we would spend the night in. in teams, thankfully. i have so little physical strength to speak of, most i could do to help was clear away the snow rubble and toss it outside. i know, i know, my classmates reassured me it was an important job to do, i was an invaluable member of the group, sure - but it's that feeling, you know?

what would my task be in the communist solarpunk commune?

a person cannot be useless. it's a human being. they just exist, no ifs and buts about it. one can only be useless in the eyes of an ableist, capitalist society that sees no value in being alive beyond production and profit.

sometimes i receive messages from internet strangers to tell me something i said - often several years ago - was helpful to them. maybe it was a throwaway comment on a forum. maybe it was replying to a question they could've googled the answer to. maybe it was an encouraging reply to someone's artwork. turns out it mattered to someone. huh.

of course you can learn new skills. i have learnt plenty over the years! i have also learnt that there are limitations to what i can do. that some of the obstacles i face are not in fact obstacles everyone faces. it's not that i can't break tasks into smaller steps, it's more that half of those steps are going to be "rinse your hands because you Touched a Thing and now you're going to have to touch Another Thing." i wonder if that's adding to my cognitive load or something.

i was never raised to be a man, so by all accounts i do not understand why i'm so haunted by the spectre of toxic masculinity - what would i do if i was a medieval peasant and a war broke out? what if i was in a pre-historic hunter gatherer society and i was expected to hunt? what if i was a humble farm boy discovering the sword of the chosen one and the world depended on my non-existing courage to face certain death?

look, it's stupid. these are not scenarios i will find myself in. besides, pre-historic humans depended on community and taking care of each other. that's how we survive.

i'm not useless and i decided to make peace with being useless anyway.

we're surrounded by digital clocks. we can't really escape them. do we need watchmakers? would they save me a spot in the zombie apocalypse helicopter? no, don't answer that. i'm just happy i found something that requires a light touch and an observant eye.

[shadowqnights]

*grabs a can opener*

Spill them worms

oh my gosh i started writing out an essay, accidentally refreshed and deleted it, and now i'm back trying to figure out how to word this.

i'm one of the freaks who actually likes mcd aaron and i love rewriting him. and i'm of the mind that one of the best ways to make aaron and aph more interesting in both universes (and fix a lot of stuff in aph's case) is by having them as werewolves - aph, whether knowingly or unknowingly, entering pdh as a werewolf. aaron being a werewolf in mcd. reversing their roles in each universe.

but the aph thing is a whole OTHER can of worms so specifically in relation to the dog rule in mcd. i'm super passionate about werewolf aaron. this is a crash course for some of my rewrite thoughts. strap in because this one is going to be so long i am so sorry.

in my rewrite aaron is actually not a werewolf at all by technicality since he's cursed by a member of the divine. as opposed to the other wolfkin, there's no way for him to have wolf features in his human form, no ears or tail. he's got a purely human form and a purely wolf form - albeit an unusually massive wolf, but in all other manners resembles a natural animal. he can only be one or the other, nothing inbetween.

his backstory ties very strongly into the ultima origins that you see in mystreet as well. simply put because if i start i'm not going to stop - aaron makes a sacrifice to try and save his dying lily, angers a member of the divine and is transformed into this new form as punishment only to find the efforts in vain nonetheless. cue falcon claw's tragedy.

being a wolf fits aaron to me in a number of ways - firstly that he's literally a lone wolf. he's determined to isolate himself, wander alone and unbothered. he believes that the only way to fulfill his end goal is on his own because his beef is personal. there's no need to get involved in other people's affairs. he has walls up, and while being very gruff and self-serving, has a secret soft side - usually with children. otherwise not much matters to him except vengeance and dying. he's a wandering wolf vigilante of sorts, without even meaning to. he describes himself as a broken human. to me he leans entirely into his cursed form in his grief and becomes very much animal. he barely ever speaks as a human and barely even takes that form unless critically injured/fatigued; he is nothing but a wolf. he tries incredibly hard to see the world as an animal would, but there's a frustrating shred of his human morality that forces him to do the 'right thing' - like saving aph, like saving dante. it's also just a plain interesting approach to his character that makes him more complicated

and because he's this gruff, silent old dog who's convinced he has to die alone, of course the young bright kids are going to flock to him. in this way i love indulging in the dog rule in the way that aaron is the oldest, in some ways the wisest and has lived through a lot of hardships in both human and animal form. and in that animal form he can become the perfect mentor for members of the younger cast who need his guidance. as a wolf aaron is more than anything else a survivor, and other survivors tend to seek him out of instinct. he tries to distance himself, insist that he is a lone wolf *doomed* to live out the rest of his days spiraling in animal hate, in anger, fighting and mauling and earning new scars until the day he can kill zane and then die. but that is very much the human part of him reflecting on the animal part. the animal knows violence. the human justifies it because his suffering has led him there.

aaron's dog rule functions best with others. his relationship with aph works best starting from distrust and disinterest and growing into a friendship/mentorship. because there is a canonical foundation for them to have a bond - because they are/were both lords, both once cared incredibly deeply for their chosen people, both have survived hardships and both of them despise zane. they have a mutual goal and their working together makes sense. if you're that one oomf who likes aarmau then i like to think of them in mcd as having a relationship akin to that of Wolf Children (please watch highly recommend) but as a wolf i feel he would make a great mentor for her too. in a way that only aaron specifically can deliver. i don't explicitly make aph animal, per say, the way that nicole and aaron can shift. but metaphorically there is very much something animal in her. same as dante. the both of them, to me, are younger, they're like cubs trailing at aaron's heels and after some time he takes them in, but aren't physically transformed in any way (though i have AUs where they definitely can).

they have differing relationships to him. aph certainly begins as a naive sunshine character - and as she slowly learns about her world and its history, that sunshine fades a little. she wants so badly to fit in amongst the ordinary people of phoenix drop; she works hard to learn and become one of them. even when (in rewrite + rebirth) she becomes lord out of desperation, merely thinking she's doing these people service by keeping phoenix drop alive, she's trying to be One of them. this animal side of aph to me arrives in the form of her magicks. she finds that not only does her light heal, that it is also quite literally a searing, burning light, something that can hurt. worse, that she feels a sickening rush of power, realising that she has this violent and unpredictable form of self-defense. as this naive pacifist, it offers the bridge to a new chapter of her life that she isn't prepared for; it solidifies that she isn't ordinary, that she woke up for a purpose. and that her allegiances are changing - especially in s2, in the wake of everything falling apart, everything being different and wrong, the people who went into irene's dimension with her are very much the only people who understand. she seeks companionship with aaron because she is ashamed of the feelings inside of her, that she describes as animal because she doesn't know what else to make of it. her magicks feel like an animal separate to her human self because in a way those are irene's magicks, that's irene as a distinct Piece of her, and those things are wilder than the body she was reborn in.

-> incorporating parts of loverman into this, also why aph becomes so strongly bonded with katelyn. because their magicks call to each other. fire and light. they both burn and they end up relating strongly to each other and being weirdly attracted to each others magick. they are both destructive and animalistic, it's just that katelyn is far more attached to her humanity.

aph finds aaron's silence comforting rather than disarming. everyone else finds him weird and a little bit offputting / alienating. she is rather comforted by it. she's spent so long trying to learn what it means to be human because she was born into a human body without any memories - so much so that being with aaron, who is hardly ever human, brings her a lot of comfort. in a way, she finds the most peace with people who are very grounded and well connected to the earth and nature - with zoey, kiki, cadenza, namely, and then aaron. her friendship group, excluding that of her guards, have certain connections to the earth and have very nurturing personalities. she's drawn to that by nature (thanks irene!).

and aaron specifically, who spends the most time as a wolf. when he's not fighting, he's hunting, travelling, and resting. in a human form, i feel there's not much for him to teach her because she's already been through this period of struggle in her mortal body - she's already learned from people like garroth, donna, brendan, namely in rewrite. she has people who can teach her how to fight and how to be a diplomat. she's had a number of mentors and a strong circle of friendship to guide her. she has so many human companions. but aaron is so much more complicated than that. as a wolf, i feel she would seek him out as a teacher. even on the more metaphorical sense that she feels like a broken human, and the only individual who could possibly understand or at least empathise with her place in the world is him. she wants to run wild with him, wants to be in the thick of the woods, the middle of nowhere, wants to pretend as if she could be cursed, too, as if she could find a form that relieves her of the weight of human fears. perhaps then she could embrace this power inside of her.

dante is different because its dante and he's ALWAYS different in some way. god. where to begin. okay so dante is also metaphorically animal in a way that is specifically only in reference to his relationship with aaron. he is aaron's brother and a cub to him in a way that starts out transactional. back to the loverman elements of rewrite for a second:

-> at this point aaron is almost Always using his wolf form . ignore that he was human when he saved aph because i didn't know what i was doing yet. aaron, as a wolf, still has a Shred of 'justice', hence why he finds himself so regularly saving people. because even as a human he considered the circle of life very sacred, and in keeping with kul'zac's teachings as a hunter he was very much so respectful of wildlife and only killing out of necessity rather than for sport or selfish gain (as in, hunting for food and using the absolute Most of those bodies, not taking more than needed). he was very faithful to his shepherd in that regard (until the period when he was cursed. but that's a whole other post). post-curse there is a very deliberate change when aaron becomes a little bit carried away but through it all, he is very conscious of that circle of life. that cycle. even as this vigilante figure, he's very specific with the fights he picks. he saves lost children in the woods, he mauls shadow knights & and in short he sees fit to punish the people/creatures who harm the weak and defenseless for sport, for selfish gain, because (1) that personal justice that is a part of his former worship/morality he can't shake, and (2) maybe a small part of him hopes that if he lives that way for long enough, kul'zac will restore him OR take pity on him and let him die.

he's secretly very particular. even when he can't admit it, his sense of justice is strong. saving aphmau was dubious because she was unknowingly in fer salem (southern wolf tribe) territory and was injured. but she cried for help and he answered. but specifically when aaron is hanging around phoenix drop, he's tracking a volatile shadow knight that attacks him immediately in wolf form, and that alone is enough for aaron to decide that the shadow knights (or just merely. the dudes with That scent specifically) are bad and kill regularly in mass for sport, therefore need punishment.

he sees dante for the first time and thinks of him as a bird, a prey animal, because he acts like one. he is skittish and tentative and blindly wandering through unfamiliar woods. and aaron goes ok that one isn't to be hunted. so when later he finds a shadow knight cornering the group including dante, who he vaguely recognises, the Right thing to do is to attack the shadow knight. (which happens to be gene, therefore saving the life of dante + his companions. so by extension saving aph again, plus garroth and laurance).

dante and aaron are all about transaction. aaron saves dante's life. so then when dante finds him bleeding out in the woods, he saves HIS life. the debt is repaid, but then the other does something to begin a new debt, and they become trapped in a cycle. dante kind of despises him because at that point he has such horrifically complex feelings on gene. such terrible baggage that he doesn't know if he hates him for attacking gene or loves him for attacking gene. it's weird and fucked up and more than anything he knows that he at the very least owes aaron something, so with that in mind he grits his teeth and helps to heal him. which is a slow, gradual process, because aaron has a LOT of wounds, more than just the ones gene inflicted in the fight. dante doesn't even know that he has a human form at this point - it's merely his sense of kindness to take pity on this animal that tried to (and possibly succeeded, since he has no idea of gene's fate yet) kill his horrible older brother. in aaron's weakness, he can't control the wolf, so he turns human briefly and dante realises that he's getting involved in something way more complicated than he bargained for. story of his life. still, he perseveres - and aaron is a stubborn, lonely idiot, and a wolf does not need human medicine. so dante gives up on trying to convince him to come back to phoenix drop and treks into the woods on the daily to tend to aaron's wounds. which he protests but all in all is wayyy too weak and tired to actually Fight it.

in this way they very gradually earn each other's trust and aaron begrudgingly hangs around. dante saved his life again, so now he owes ANOTHER life debt. and aaron is all about paying back debts. in his youth his love language was acts of service, his very bonding with lily was full of debts and transactions and trading.

so as a wolf he lets dante stick around and protects him. the cycle of debts continues in increasingly obsessive/codependent ways [in ways that i'm reluctant to talk about unless asked because loverman spoilers but in short aaron becomes a brother figure for dante, relieving him of the baggage left by gene.]

in this way i consider dante a cub because he's young and he's CLINGING to aaron in a way that, while still a little bit pathetic, its made better by the fact that aaron reciprocates some amount of care towards him and they take care of each other. he's a good brother. when they get close, they get CLOSE. it takes a while, of course, like a year+ to fully earn each other's trust. he's a cub in the way that he's young, barely 19 and has been treated akin to a sopping wet stray dog abandoned too many times. and in a metaphorical sense his shelter becomes an older, wiser wolf who is somehow far more kind and gentle and less animalistic than his human biological brother. and beneath that gruff exterior there is genuinely care in aaron; his care for dante specifically re-inspires a certain purpose in him and opens him up to a future Beyond zane that doesn't just involve his own death. in that way, by association, dante to me is a dog/wolf of his own, and would even consider himself as such because of his relationship with aaron. he is very attached to the idea of being non-human because of his suffering, in which i think he would relate so incredibly strongly to aaron. maybe he secretly wishes he too was gifted with a curse that allowed him to endure pain in the form of a wolf and spare him of human things like regret and remorse. and he's drawn to the mystery of the shapeshifting characters - he is enamoured with nicole at first because he is the first to pick up on her fox form.

aaron also draws dante down a path of maturity and sets his character development in motion - he becomes a bit more merciless, brutal, unforgiving, able to stand up for himself better because of aaron's influence. as if he grew up as a dog kicked down, abandoned and mistreated and neglected, and as he grows up he is taught that he has teeth, and he is allowed to use them. plus the fact that you can take dog rule dante really literally and explore his entire life through that lens but specifically i also love the idea that this pathetic human boy is so attached to his teacher/brother, so obsessed with the idea of sharing someone's blood that isn't gene's, that he fully leans into it. he is someone's animal brother. his wolf brother. his kin. they protect each other. and when the time comes aaron has also grown and while he's always been far more gentle and protective over children, he is especially fond of dante's child [ dmitri, not nekoette's rewrite self, i'm a dancole believer. ].

and in this way they kind of make a fucked up little family. dante and aph consider each other brother and sister - dante finds a new brother in aaron, who thus takes on the role of mentorship for aph.

and . and that's literally just a starter. a very basic crash course but yeah idk i approach them in different ways dependant on what AU you're asking me about. everything i've talked about here is specifically rewrite thoughts + dog rule but honestly i wouldn't be opposed to making dante a werewolf in kennel au or something. and aph as a werewolf would also be really cute and i'm a big fan since she already is one in my mystreet rewrite . one big wolf found family.

[pardonmydelays]

Hi so i only recently got into hamilton and really liked lmm in it but ive been seeing a lot of pjo fans talking about not wanting him as hermes and you are a lmm expert so i wondered if you knew why people are hating on him for being casted in pjo?

first of all, i am actually flattered that you called me an expert (i am literally not but i do know a lot, i observe, i go through lmm tag every day, i get mad when i see people talk shit about him, basically i'm super loud about my love for this guy so there's that some call it dedication, i call it obsession lol).

there are a lot of reasons actually but all of them are just so silly to me. for example, some people say he is a bad actor (if hamilton is not enough for you, please go watch his dark materials, he is excellent and i will fight). others say he can't sing (he can, he may not have the most incredible vocals ever, not like most broadway stars and i know a lot of people compare him with the best singers out there, but it doesn't mean he can't sing, also, he is much better now than he used to be years ago, for example i'd recommend listening to vivo soundtrack, especially keep the beat or one more song, i mean EXCUSE ME BUT MY MAN CAN SING). another reason: some people say he is annoying because he puts raps everywhere. ok, and? he is a great rapper, i'll say more: he is also a freestyle rapper, very talented indeed (i recommend checking literally any freestyle love supreme video on youtube or you can just go through my fls tag here. making up rhymes on the spot? pretty insane if you ask me). there is also a group of people who think he is cringe, his rhymes are cringe, some of his songs are not good, etc etc (i bet those people can write better songs). i think he is one of the greatest composers of our generation and i will, of course, fight (haters, please shut the fuck up about the scuttlebutt, this song was supposed to be annoying, you just don't get it apparently? same with my own drum actually. can we just stop pretending that he is talentless because of those songs you guys literally have no taste and you hate fun and also shut tf up). oh, and also, people these days very often say he is everywhere and it's annoying (this is literally his job but whatever). and my all-time favourite: some people are mad that he was playing hamilton because they think he didn't deserve it (he literally wrote the whole thing but ok). one more thing: i have never read pjo, i literally just started reading it only because of lin, so i know nothing about hermes, but personally i really hope he will sing/rap, just because i want to see them all suffer.

there were also other controversial stuff (with in the heights, hamilton and puerto rico) but we are not going to discuss it on my blog, sorry (mostly because i have my own opinion about it and i know i will get a lot of hate for speaking my mind). one thing i can say is that nobody's perfect, we all make mistakes sometimes and i will always fight for him, no matter what.

[shoyostar]

r u never gonna update haikyuu dear future husband cause it’s literally been 4 months 💀

no actually it’s never being updated. infact i am deleting dfh in .2 seconds as we speak .

[rainbow-nerdss]

👧 👧 👧

Hey Purple!

Some girldad Buck just for you 😁😁

She's quiet. Buck can hear a rustling sound, and he figures she's moving around, doing something more important than talking to some guy she slept with a handful of times six years ago. “Why are you calling, Buck?” She asks, when it becomes clear Buck is t about to break the silence. He feels silly now, thinking of his reason. The presence of the kid has thrown him off. “I, uh… There was a call, and I—it reminded me of you, I guess?” “So you just called to check in? No other reason?”

She doesn't sound like she believes him. She sounds almost accusatory.

Make me Write!

[stormyoceans]

I'm telling you, this vice versa fever is never going away, and I owe a HUGE chunk of it to you. A few thoughts I had in the past hour:

1. There isn't enough good peuntalay fics on ao3. My boys deserve so much love. I am a sucker for feelings and emotions and i think about them post vv so many times in a week it's just sad. I always welcome recs 🙌🏻

2. Jimmysea went from being almost the same height to SEA being taller than jim and this is something i stay up thinking about. There's just SOMETHING about that height difference that's so DELICIOUS, it makes my imagination run WILD (not in a sexual way, only pure thoughts here)

I will forever come to you about my random peuntalay and morkday thoughts so prepare your inbox 🤭😚

PEOPLE THINK IM KIDDING WHEN I SAY I’LL BE 90 YEARS OLD AND STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW BUT WATCH ME TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS AT THE RETIREMENT HOME LIKE EXCUSE ME DO Y’ALL KNOW ABOUT QUEEN VICE VERSA THE SERIES THE FIRST OF HER NAME

right now im just so very grateful to have you sharing this endless derangement with me tho 💜 also the fact that im even partly responsible for your vice versa fever makes me way happier than it probably should sfjksgfjsg

unfortunately i don’t have many fic recs ;;;;;; part of it is because these days i have so little free time that i usually give priority to watching shows or reading books, but i also have to admit that i am annoyingly particular when it comes to fanfiction: i need the characterization to be as similar to the one i have in my head as possible, otherwise i just can’t bring myself to fully like the story ;;;;;;;; if you checked ao3, you’ve probably already read the few recs i have, but let me share them anyway to spread some love!!!

a glitch in the universe by @morkofday

After spending almost eight months in their own universe, Puen and Talay are finally getting married. Their wedding day is supposed to be the best day of their lives, the perfect start for their forever together. But as Talay recognizes Tun in Puen's body moments before their wedding ceremony is meant to begin, it becomes obvious that the universe has very different plans for them.

home by NgumNumNom

A 3+1 fic where 3 times Puen felt lonely and didn't know what the comfort of home was vs the 1 time when his home was right beside him. Plus a bonus because we all love fluff.

husbands to be by @distant-screaming

“I just can’t wait to get married to you,” Puen's grin widens. “My husband.” (Puen and Talay plan their wedding. As usual, they don't stay on track for long.)

regretted anticipation by @distant-screaming

Puen knocks on Talay’s door. He hopes the person who opens it this time will be Talay.

they're not that many, but imho these are really good!!!!! i agree with you that we do need more tho!!!!!!

ALSO JIMMYSEA’S HEIGHT THE ULTIMATE LONG LASTING MYSTERY IN THE NOMNOM FANDOM because if we listen to them then jimmy is 180 cm while sea is 178 cm BUT I SWEAR MOST OF THE TIMES SEA DOES LOOK JUST A TINY BIT TALLER SO WHAT'S THE TRUTH!!!!!!!! either way sea really has grown a lot in the past couple of years and it makes me sooooo emotional, he was so teeny tiny back then 🥺

i actually love that they don't have such a big difference in height and build, just enough to have their characters be perfect for cheek kisses and back hugs GOD BLESS

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

if you’re still doing mutual bingo may i please get BINGOED :3 (only if you want/are still doing it hehehe) also here are 2 lil memes that reminded me of you as a little treat………. P.S. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR MYSTERY FIC I’M SO EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHO IT IS/READ IT!!!! MWAH MWAH MWAHHHH 🙂‍↕️🩷 - @dollsuguru

KAIROOOOO MY BESTIE <333333 OFC YOU CAN GET BINGOED!!!!!!! AND THANK YOU FOR THE MEMES SOBSS I AM COLLECTING THEM ….. jinshi n kenny our silly little guys…… they’re so Me

[right-hand-of-the-black-sand]

A Man of Presumed Importance

[No content warnings for this one. Just having fun while writing]

It was around midday when Aladdin and his group of allies broke into the Citadel. Sitting upon the throne awaiting their arrival was Mozenrath, proud as he ever was and grinning from ear to ear. Finally, he had Aladdin in his midst. He would have preferred a smaller number of people or animals in his presence, but no matter. Today was the day that he got what he wanted, all because of a previous intruder who looked too similar to Aladdin for it to be a coincidence!

“Oh, you’ve arrived safely!” Mozenrath exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in mock-excitement. “I was so worried in this climate that you would be too busy for me!”

“Cut the chatter, Mozenrath,” Aladdin snapped, his eyes dark with anger. “Where is the prisoner?!”

Mozenrath barely held back a smile as he let out a gasp in mock-offense, clutching a hand to his chest. “Why, your manners, street rat! If I didn't know better, I'd say you weren't excited to see your family again!”

Aladdin grit his teeth hard, glaring at the necromancer. If what they had heard from Mozenrath was true, then he had taken a person hostage that was connected to Aladdin by blood. Was it his father?! He hadn't seen him in so long! Was this how they met again?!

Mozenrath's grin grew wide in sadistic pleasure as he watched Aladdin fume to himself. “Oh, strike a nerve, did I?! Well, why don't I reunite the two of you, then?!”

With a final laugh that seemed to echo throughout the room, Mozenrath raised his gloved right hand in a fist before flicking out all of his fingers at once. Immediately, a pitch-black substance emerged from the floor in between the lord and his guests, growing upward until it was about five feet tall. Once it seemed to reach its limit, it splashed outward, opening itself like a flower and spreading its adhesive surface all around it, revealing the trapped upper-half of the man squirming about in its center. A man who looked awfully similar to Aladdin. ...Someone whom Aladdin was all-too familiar with.

“YOU?!” Aladdin snarled.

Mozenrath laughed, humored by the street rat's shock and anger. “Aw, aren't you happy to-”

“WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!”

Mozenrath’s voice faded, his eyes widening in an offended expression. He didn't expect his evil gloating to be cut off so quickly. The necromancer glared down at the street rat, only to find that Aladdin wasn't looking at him in the first place. The prince-consort’s eyes were wide and his teeth grit in anger as he stared at the man in the black sand.

Even Princess Jasmine looked surprised. Her eyes went from Mozenrath to his captive to Aladdin as she tried to understand the situation. “Aladdin, what is going on?”

“He knows what's going on!” Aladdin snarled, pointing an accusing finger at the sorcerer's captive. Mozenrath looked over at the man in the sand, his eyes now narrowing suspiciously.

“Behan,” Aladdin continued, almost sounding like he was scratching the name out of his throat, “did you not learn your lesson last time?!”

The captive in the sand looked both surprised and rather sheepish upon being called out in such a way. He quickly raised a hand up to rub at his neck as he spoke. “Well, I wished to see my nephew, and I got it. Another plan of Behan Yerbak!”

“ANOTHER PLAN?!” Aladdin snapped before pointing at Mozenrath. “Are you working for him this time?!”

Now things made more sense. Mozenrath frowned and narrowed his eyes further at his troublesome captive. “Oh, have I brought you in the middle of a family spat?”

This seemed to trigger something in Jasmine's memory. She gasped and then pointed accusingly at the Aladdin-lookalike. “YOU! Do you have any idea how much trouble you brought to my father?!”

Behan seemed to be taken aback for a second before giving Jasmine a classy, toothy grin. “Ah, so my name has been on the tongues of the people! Another reason that I should be-”

Aladdin cut him off. "You are not welcome back in Agrabah."

Behan seemed to perk up, for whatever reason. "Ah, but nephew, think of the riches that-"

“That's enough from you,” Mozenrath cut in sternly, raising up his gloved hand. In an instant, the tar-like sand surrounding the prisoner rose up and splashed over him, enveloping Behan within its magical depths before he was able to talk himself into any more trouble.

With the prisoner out of the way, Mozenrath glared down at Aladdin, who glared up at Mozenrath alongside with his wife and non-human friends.

“Territorial dispute, I see,” Mozenrath grumbled sourly.

Aladdin paused for a moment before nodding slowly, still holding his glare. “Something like that.”

It took a few more seconds before Genie started up with a “WELL-” and was immediately cut off by a blast from Mozenrath's gauntlet, sending the group flying back. Once they regained their bearings, they each hurtled themselves forward. Even if the fight was to free a captive that none of them seemed to care for, they had a score to settle, and being in each other's presence was practically an invitation to bring it up.

---------------------

[sickly-qt]

This is @lisupsanddown - sending on anon because I'm still having Tumblr issues (submitted an error report to admin but haven't heard back). Asking writers I particularly like this question:

How do you pick whose POV to tell a fic from - sickie or caretaker? Both have their benefits but also limitations and I always struggle with how to decide. For me at least, that choice changes the way the story "feels" and I often find myself halfway through wishing I could somehow show how the other person or people are feeling from their POV. Any thoughts? Thank you!

Hi Lis! I gotta say that i'm honestly rather surprised that anyone wants to know my thought process behind writing at all lol.

But! Much like what @bellysoupset said, my POVs are very loose and vibes based. When it comes to choosing what POV a certain fic is going to come from it's basically purely vibes based and how I start writing a story. Whatever feels right really. With that being said since my POVs are so loose and it's easily to kinda float from character to character it feels like less of a commitment when I start writing from one character's perspective.

That probably wasn't very helpful but I hope that you can gather something from that!

I hope you get your hellsite issues sorted out soon :)

@lisupanddown

[mars-ipan]

i think i’m always gonna be a little bit insane about aziraphale asking crowley to dance. yaknow

[madewithsilk]

hi sweetheart!! i saw your post asking for reqs but feel free to ignore this!! ive been so into bestfriend!ellie recently so maybe fix something up for herrr?? and if youre up for it maybe somwthing a tad bit dark…?? i see you write that alot :) no pressure ily

— ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ? 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚

pairing; bestfriend ellie williams x f!reader

cw; spit, cheating, male relationship, strap-on, biting, dumbification, filming, dubious consent.

𝜗𝜚 Bestfriend Ellie that hated the fact you got a boyfriend, resenting everything about him. She knew he didn’t pleasure you, he wore you out. You always looked exhausted.

𝜗𝜚 Bestfriend Ellie who didn’t back down from telling you how she felt at any moment. She’d shout whenever you cried about another thing he did unfairly, hand running through her hair in frustration.

𝜗𝜚 Bestfriend Ellie who realized you stopped telling her about him since. She’d hear you complain on a call with another friend, crying about him flirting with other girls or scaring you. Or how he could never find your clit nor make you cum.

𝜗𝜚 Bestfriend Ellie who took that as a challenge, whispering sweet words into your ear to convince you into letting her pleasure you. “He’s good for nothing, huh?” She whispered into your ear, caressing your tummy and hips. “I could cure that ache, promise,” She mumbled gently, kissing down your neck an nibbling down.

She made you dumb enough to believe her, letting her strip every article of clothing off of your body and position you into a full nelson. Her strap was so big, so thick. The girth hardly fit inside you, nudging at your cevix. “Shiit, baby, thought it wouldn’t fit?” She chuckled, ramming her dick further inside you. You babbled in response, head thrown back against her shoulder.

You shook your head, tongue lolling out. Ellie felt so lucky you hadn’t even noticed the camera set up, filming your cunt clenching around every inch of her cock. “Els— Els-“ You were rambling only her name and pleads, whimpering at the feeling of being stuffed to the brim. “His cock isn’t as big as mine huh?” Ellie cooed, pressing her palm down on your belly to feel the imprint of the strap.

You didn’t reply, too lost in the feeling, trying to flutter your half-lidded eyes open to look at Ellie. Her hair was disheveled along with a cocky smile plastered across her face. She mocked the pout you had on your lips, wiping it off with a kiss. “Don’t frown, baby.” She reprimands and breaks the kiss, increasing the pace in which she dug into you. “So big,” You moaned out, hiding your face into her neck.

The camera was picking up every second of your cunt drooling onto the silicone, eyes filling up with tears of pleasure. Ellie’s hips angled to hit your g-spot, abusing it over and over again. She swore she felt you get tighter, knowing you were just so close. Her hand slithered between your thighs, rubbing at your clit in gentle, teasing circles. “Gonna cum on camera to show him how much of a nasty bitch you are, baby?” Her voice was so sweet, it was nearly absurd the words that actually left her lips.

Your eyes wideed at her words, noticing the camera and pushing against Ellie. Either way, it was useless, every moment was there for it to be sent to him. The tears that weled finally spilled, streaming down your place. “Ellie— Ngh- Els please stop,” You babbled. She hushed you gently, thumb pulling out your bottom lip and spitting on it. “So dumb, baby, thought you could get fucked dumb with no consequences?” She tuts, watching you give her the doe eyes she loved as you swallowed her spit.

Your jaw went slack with her harder thrusts, cumming on the silicone and leaving a white ring of it. Your grip on her arm was so tight, trying to get her to no overstimuate you with the little rubbing on your nub. “Hey, hey, let me take care of it,” She said muffled against your cheek, bottomed out inside you but not moving. You murmur with tears, “Please don’t send that to him..” She bounced you on her lap with one harsh thrust. “Why shouldn’t I?” She laughed gently, taunting you and copying the little whimpers you gave her.

Ellie pulled her strap out, elicitng a whine from you at the empty feeling. She quickly crams you with her fingers, “Can’t even live without something inside you, such a baby.” You hummed pleasantly at her fingers curling inside you, kissing Ellie’s jawline in hopes she’d listen to you. “Just a warm hole to be filled.” You nodded mindlessly, leaving a purple hickey against her jaw.

“Think I’ll keep you here till I say so.”

[drchucktingle]

THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

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