#so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.

[thedevotionaltour]

thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

[fallingdownhell]

Hello hello hello there, good writer! I was wondering if you'd be open to writing platonic HCs for the currently playable Archons in the game. Basically, way back when during the Archon War (or in Nahida's case, some point early on when she was instated as Sumeru's new Archon) the Archon's save a baby dragon's (the reader) life.Now, centuries later, at some point following the events of the Archon quests, they encounter Dragon!reader reader- now a fully-matured dragon (Dragon is the same element as each Archon. Individually, I mean, they aren't multi-elemental). The Archon recognizes them through any number of factors (a scar in a very particular area of Dragon!Reader's body, a discolored patch of scales, etc.) And as for how they encounter each other, maybe the Archon is accompanying the Traveler on a commission, and dragon!reader saves the Traveler or Archon's ass when the situation gets dicey, maybe the Archon senses a familiar presence and investigates, perhaps paths cross and they find themselves saving (or assisting) dragon!reader yet again, or maybe it's just a chance case of the stars aligning in just the right way. Apologies for the massive word dump, just thought I'd give you some prompts in case you have trouble coming up with ideas for this, if you want to do it, or course!

That is such a cool idea! And I really appreciate the word dump, it really helped me out a great deal this time around, so thank you, kind anon<3

Characters Included: Zhongli; Venti; Nahida

Content: gender neutral! dragon! reader; platonic headcanons;

Word count: 2,2k words

I hope this comes somewhat close to what you had in mind. Hope you enjoy<3

Zhongli

Zhongli often looks back fondly at the times where he had adopted this strange baby dragon

the Archon War was a though time period, both for him and the people at his side, but having that baby to take care of by his side and teaching it all sorts of things made it somewhat bearable for him

he would often play around with it, sometimes even play fighting to show it a few moves and tricks and the dragon seemed to enjoy that a whole lot

though cuddling sessions always seemed to be the dragons favourite, especially when a certain spot under his chin was being scratched

it was a difficult spot for others to reach, seeing as it was surrounded by brown spikes, indicating your resonance with the Geo element, but seeing the happy expression on the baby's face made it worth it in the end

When the dragon later got older and grew up in Zhongli's care, it would often join him in various battles while the War still lasted

On one such battles, the dragon got hurt pretty badly in it's left eye, ultimately loosing it in the process. But it adjusted rather well to living with only half it's eyesight

Later, when the Archon war ended and peace had returned to Liyue, the dragon was all grown up now as well. And one day, without any prior indication, the dragon had just left, never to return again

Zhongli wasn't sad or anything. He understood that this is simply how nature works and he only wished the best unto his foster child

Sometimes, the Ex-Archon wonders if that dragon is still alive, but those thoughts always leave him rather quickly again. It's no use pondering about the unknown

And yet, imagine the surprise on Zhongli's face when he saw another dragon roam the sky just as he finished dealing with Azhdaha alongside the Traveller

Finding an opportunity to slip away from the group, he began traveling in the direction he saw the flying creature

it took some time, but he eventually found the dragon as it rested besides a small lake, soaking in the rays of sunshine onto it's scaled skin

fascinated by it, since dragons were a rare sight to see in this day and age, he decided to approach the creature, silently as to not startle it too much

as he got closer to the dragon, the creature soon picked up a new scent in the area and opened it's big eye, now spotting the approaching Zhongli

quickly, the creature got up and began roaring at him, and that's when Zhongli noticed a particular scar on the left eye of the dragon

Could it be... was it actually you?

Your name slipped past his lips and it made you hold in the middle of your actions. Zhongli could see the uncertainty in the dragons form, so he said your name again, staying still in his spot, only a few steps away

the dragon, still unsure, took another sniff of the surrounding air, taking in the scent of the new arrival, and suddenly, memories from its time as a baby came flooding into his mind, and you recognized the man in front of you

now seeming much calmer, you got closer to Zhongli, your long neck extending towards him so that your head was right in front of him

with a smile, the Ex-Archon extends his hand as well to scratch that certain spot under your chin, like he had always done many, many years ago

at this, the dragon closed its eye and a low grumbling sound could be heard deep within it's throat.

Zhongli almost couldn't believe it. His old friend was still alive and apparently doing pretty well for itself..

for some time, the two of them just sat down in the grass, enjoying the light of the still shining sun, while Zhongli just began talking, telling you of all the things that had happened while you were gone

And you were listening to every single one of his words, feeling happy to finally be reunited with him again..

Venti

Most people know about Dvalin - or Stormterror - and his connection to the anemo Archon. How he was one of the four winds that protected the nation of Mondstadt

but what the people did not know, is that there was a second dragon with the anemo Archon that had been taken in by him when it was only a small baby

as a result, the baby dragon has been raised both by Dvalin and the anemo Archon at the same time. While it learned typical dragon behaviour from Dvalin, Venti provided the baby other lessons important for its life ahead

the little dragon has always been a playful and adventurous one. It was getting into trouble quite frequently as a child, but such was the nature of freedom

Venti had always adored looking at this little dragon baby as he found the light green colour of your scales to be quite mesmerizing. He liked to think that the colour represented your connection with the Anemo element, and himself.

But what he found even more adorable was the little patch of white scales, right between the beginning of your legs and your hind legs. It was about the size of the palm of his hand, the colour never really coming through on that spot

While Venti and Dvalin engaged in the Archon war, you always decided to stay behind, rather enjoying the serenity that the nation of Mondstadt brought to you than to engage with bloody battles all the time

As time went on, you grew older and older, and Dvalin knew that the time would come where you would leave them behind. To find your own place within this world, without them by your side

and sure enough, one seemingly peaceful day, you went up to them one last time, seemingly telling your goodbyes with your eyes before you turned your back to them and flew off into the distant world ahead of you. Excited to see what was liying ahead, but also sad you had to leave them behind

many, many years have passed since that fateful day and a lot has happened since then. A mysterious traveller has appeared in the world of Teyvat, helping Venti to bring his old friend Dvalin back to his senses

Since that incident, Venti couldn't help but think back to the old times quite often, reminiscing of the memories all three of them shared. He would often wonder how you were doing these days, if you were well off..

on one such days, when he was laying beneath the tree at Windrise, thinking of old times, he did not notice a bunch of Abyss mages and their underlings approaching

when he did, it was already too late and he was surrounded by enemies. Though he tried fighting his way out, the number of enemies just seemed to increase, instead of decreasing

Venti began to worry and just as he was about to summon his old friend Dvalin for some help, a roar echoed from above the sky. All heads turned up as a huge creature descended downwards, instantly attacking the abyss mages and their hoards

for a second, the colourful scales made him think of a certain dragon, but he quickly shook off that feeling, concentrating on the battle at hand

it didn't take long until the enemies were dealt with, and as a moment of peace came to them, Venti turned and took in the familiar colour of light green scaling..

But.. that couldn't be, right? It surely was just a coincidence.. another dragon that just happened to have a similar colour to the one he once raised..

But, as the dragon remained on the ground, patiently looking at Venti, he couldn't shake off that feeling of familiarity

And then, the dragon turned to its side, showing Venti the undeniable truth of a missmatched patch of white scales among a sea of green..

It really was you...

Joy spread over Venti's face as he realized it really was his old friend that had come back to see him again

It didn't take long until he was on your back and you began ascending towards the sky again. Up there in the sky, with only the winds holding you back, Venti also summoned Dvalin to him to complete this reunion

Many roars sounded all throughout Mondstadt on this day as there were now two dragons roaming the skies of this nation...

Nahida

As the god of Dendro, Nahida had always liked the nature and all of its inhabitants

she would always try to sneek away to find a spot somewhere within the rainforest where she could just sit down and listen to the sounds of nature all around her

while the sages at that time did not approve of her behaviour, she continued to do so with the excuse of wanting to form a connection between her and her nation as well as it's people

one day while she was out again, she stumbled upon a tiny dragon baby. As she got closer, she noticed that the baby appeared to be hurt quite badly, yet it still backed up when she got closer, scared of her

it took some time and gentle reassuring from Nahida's side, but eventually, the small dragon let her get close, inspecting the wounds inflicted to it

deciding that she wanted to take care of it, she used her powers to build a sort of little hideout where she nurtured the dragon back to health over the course of a few weeks

while doing so, the baby dragon began trusting her more and more, until eventually, they formed a kind of bond between them

once the baby was all healed up, it didn't dissapear like Nahida thought it would. Instead, it decided to stay with her, playing around and growing up with her

every single time Nahida managed to slip out, the two of them were always together. Either laying in the grass, listening to the nature around them, or playing around and sometimes, she even helped the little dragon in learning how to fly

when they got tired, they lay together on the ground, the dragon having it's head on Nahida's lap as she carefully caressed the top of its head where the beatiful, deep green scales where less sharp than everywhere else on its body. The colour reminded her of the rainforest itself sometimes..

but what she found almost a bit more beautiful were those missmatched eyes of the dragon. One in a beautiful, piercing blue colour while the other was deep red, a stark contrast between the two

But then came the day where Nahida was whisked away by the Sages and sealed into the Sanctuary

it took hundreds of years until the traveller arrived in Sumeru and with the help of some others finally freeed Nahida of her everlasting prison

Thankful to have finally escaped, she did her best to handle everything by herself the best she could. She guided her nation into a new direction and took care of everything that the Sages had taken over

which led to her not once having left the city since she has been freeed. Though Nahida yearned to just go outside and sit in the nature again, she had obligations to take care of, that required her urgent attention

until the Traveller came around another time, insisting on her taking a break for once. In his words, all those problems would still be there once she returned from the break, but her well being was important as well, especially for her people she needed to be in good shape

so, taking him up on the offer, the Traveller, Nahida and Paimon went into the rainforest like she wanted to. While wandering around, they passed the old hideout Nahida had once built for that baby dragon

Memories flooded her mind upon seeing it and she smiled a bit, though it appeared to be a bit sad. The Traveller noticed, but before he could ask Nahida about it, they heard some rustling behind them

Weapon at the ready, the Traveller was prepared to attack should the need arise

And then, from behind some trees, a dragon emerged, eyes fixed onto them

and Nahida instantly recognized you. Not because of the deep green colour of your scales that only seemed to have become even more beautiful over the years. But because of those disscoloured eyes that she was never able to forget

you seemed to recognize her as well, showing no signs of aggression at all, which made the Traveller lower his weapon again

finally reunited again after so many years, both of you seemed happy to be within the presence of each other again

you gently pressed the tip of your nose into her face, gently blowing air into her face which made her giggle a bit. She then climbed onto your back, resting there while the now four of you continued this walk through the rainforest

And even after that, you continued to stay by Nahida's side, always there to protect her should anything ever happen to her again. You were ready to make them regret their decision if people decided to ever mess with her again...

[oasiswithmyg]

Txon’ong (Nightfall)

Eetu x Sarentu!Reader

My first Eetu fic! I made it for my first request ! I hope you'll like it!

Word count : 1.1K

It was well into the night when Y/N and Eetu had finished a hunt together. The bioluminescence and the sounds of Pandora, with the forest, the waterfalls and the creatures, all created a beautiful atmosphere all around.

Laughter rang through the forest, as Y/N ran ahead, looking back every now and then, while Eetu was chasing her, occasionally pulling her tail, loving the squeak and giggle that would tumble out of her, as she tried to escape his teasing hands. He was grinning, feeling so happy, which always seemed to be the case with the Sarentu.

Soon they reached the Hunter’s Lookout, a place that became very dear to them after Y/N helped Eetu on his last journey with Zomey. Long were the days where he would call her Eylanay (acquaintance, potential friend), now they were well beyond that, becoming close friends, so close that the people of Aranahe doubted whether they were already mated. But alas, Eetu had yet to confess the ever growing feeling in his heart, but now he has finally grown the courage.

This special place of theirs was also going to be the place where Eetu will present his first courting gift to her, making it known that he wants to be her mate. The gift consisted of a riding headgear for her and one for her Ikran, I/K. All of which was made by him. It took him a long time to make, as he was always partial to hunting rather than weaving. He made sure to perfect it,leaving nothing undone.

Eetu had asked many of his close friends and family on what would be perfect for Y/N, all he would get in return was their teasing grins and rolling eyes. Etuwa in particular, just smiled knowingly and stated “when you first thought of courting Y/N, you already knew what it would be, didn't you?” and it was true, he knew as he already began weaving it but he wanted the best for her, which inevitably made him seek the help of others. 

He was there with her on her first Journey with her Ikran, I/K. He knew what it was like to have a special bond with your Ikran. He could still remember her expressions down to the tiniest of twitch, having carefully studied her whenever they would chat or hunt and sometimes from afar.

After they reached, “You know what I asked of you, yes ?” Eetu questioned, turning Y/N around by pulling her arm gently towards him. “Yes, yes, you told me to close my eyes because you have something to show, I know!” Y/N sassed, a cheeky smile on her face as Eetu rolled his eyes at her. She closed her eyes, feeling his hands on her as he guided her and made her sit down on the grassy land. It was only a couple of minutes, but to Y/N it felt too long. She tried to peek, but  Eetu saw it coming and gave a pinch to her waist, laughing as she squeaked, “I’m sorry!”. She tried to wait a few more minutes, but it just wasn’t happening.

“Dear Karyu (teacher) of mine, can I open my eyes now ? It’s been ages!” Y/n whined, squirming in place, with her tail curling around her and made sure her eyes were closed, because if she didn’t, then Eetu would pinch her again. Gently though, she knew he would never hurt her, not him.

Eetu looked at her affectionately while grinning, finding her pouty mouth cute. He had carefully hidden the gift where no one would find it, because it was only for her. “Ma’numeyu (student), you are so impatient, even the ayfrrnen (babies) in our clan are not this restless!” He teasingly jokes, a laugh bubbling out of him when he hears her offended gasp. “How dare you!” Y/N tried to say it in a threatening way, yet ended up giggling at the end.

Eetu held the courting gift in his hand, taking a deep breath, his tail swishing nervously and then asking, “Y/N, sevin (pretty),  can you give me your hands?”. She blushes at the endearment thinking, ‘he’s been calling me that for a while now’ and immediately holds them out curiously, then feeling something that is woven placed in her hands. She clasps them gently and waits for the next instruction.

“You can open your eyes, Sevin” Eetu whispers softly, making sure to look at Y/N face closely, not wanting to miss a single thing. She opens her eyes, the first thing she does is look down at the items placed in her hands, she gasps softly, it was a beautiful riding headgear made in her favourite colours and a headgear that would compliment her precious I/K. Y/N slowly looks up at Eetu, who had a hopeful expression on his face. 

As she was opening her mouth to say something, Eetu couldn’t handle his nerves and blurted out, “nga sunu oer (I like you)”, he continued, trying to be confident, “Ever since that day we first met I thought you were beautiful and the day we first came here, for Zomey, I started to feel different for you. My heart knew that you were the one, I could not stop my mind, I’m always thinking of you, everytime I hunt, eat or sleep, I cannot stop. I want to court you, to show you that I can be your mate. I want to build a home with you and give you a family. I made these for you as my gift, these represent our first journey together and I hope you like them, I know they are your fav-”

Y/N’s wide eyes were staring at him as he rambled, having had enough of his suffering though, she gently placed the gifts next to, already in love with them and took Eetu’s face and gently placed her lips on his. Eetu immediately responded after feeling her soft lips, pulling her in his lap and holding her close to him as they kissed, she could feel his tongue tease her, she whimpered, giving him the opportunity to slide his tongue. He did not need air if he could have her like this forever.

They parted slowly, their chests rising and falling heavily, panting as they gazed into the other’s eyes. Y/N smiled down at Eetu as she held his face and shyly stated, “I accept”. She then hid her face in his chest, feeling like her cheeks were too heated as she mumbled, “kop nga sunu oer (I like you too)”.

Eetu couldn’t keep the smile off his face even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He placed a kiss on her head, thanking Eywa that Y/N accepted him. They cuddled the whole night with Eetu, again surprising her with a makeshift tent and warm sheets, along with some berries. They whispered sweet nothings to each other and fell asleep, even without the bond of mating, they could already feel their hearts beat as one.

[yuseirra]

**alien stage final round spoilers**

I really enjoy looking at the feelings and relationship dynamics between characters when I see a work. I feel I got a better grasp of/understood that aspect after seeing that most recent alien stage video, so I'd enjoy talking about it. Before I begin, I respect all the canon interactions and appreciate what they give us. The major "ships" for this, I am aware of, they are all very valid and I find all of them intriguing and interesting to see!

This particular stage, I feel, shows a really good insight of how Ivan and Till's love's are conveyed in contrast to each other.

Ivan appears to be very mannerly and he's very kind towards the fans, giving a lot of fanservice, he's the "good boy" of the group (excluding Luka who's simply "made for the stage") while Till tends to be the rebel. He swears towards the aliens, tries to run away, and does the unexpected on stage, he's a loose cannon as they say, but when it comes to "love", their attitudes tend to be the complete opposite.

It appears that Ivan's feelings towards Till is very complex for it to be defined simply as "love"(although I believe it is) although he's reserved on the outside, I feel he's the one has the hardest time dealing with his own emotions, since it does exist, but even he himself can't actually make out what they are. Idk how it's been translated but I saw him defining what he had towards Till as "shallow(얄팍한)" and apologizing to him as being his victim of it, I think it's the contrary. It's way too muddled and complicated, the artbook also mentions that he'd be the only one who can know what that feeling he has towards Till is. And I'm not even sure if he himself does in a complete sense. What I can see is that he does care. However, it seems like Ivan doesn't know how to care for Till in a way that'd come across to Till in a way that he'd like. In turn, he keeps acting in a way that'd provoke him to make the guy look back at him. He ruins the flowers Till treasures that he's received from Mizi, punches him, follows him around, nudges him, and acts pretty imposing and unpredictable when it comes to Till, he does things that Till doesn't want. It's out of his interest and fondness but it just can't come across to Till as a good thing. He doesn't hate him (he's still pretty fond of Ivan when I read the artbook) but finds him annoying. The artbook defines Ivan's feeling as one-sided, and sadly, it is very much that way. Ivan is the one that looks most mature out of the 4 kids that grew up together (Sua, Mizi, Till and Ivan himself) but they phrase Ivan as someone who's grown in terms of body but has never matured from being a child (P 208, 211 in the artbook) The problem here is that he never learned how to express his feeling properly. It always... ends up in a way that hurts Till. Till fails to comprehend or make out just what's happened as he sees Ivan dead in the final moments of stage 6. While Ivan manages to achieve his desired results of having Till finally look back at him, that's also all he gets. It was predictable, though. I feel like they'd have had a much friendlier relationship if they grew up in a normal, humane environment. In the end, Ivan does realize he's being selfish. I personally believe it's both selfish and selfless, a bit similar to how Sua was towards Mizi. They do things for the other but also, they do realize it's what the other party wouldn't enjoy/fully comprehend while they do it. But they can't help it since they want the other to survive.

Till's feelings for Mizi has been always there, I kind of feel it could get overshadowed a lot from how immensely big and impactful Ivan's actions have been portrayed throughout the series, but I really appreciate how they acknowledged Till's feelings for her's also something that's very genuine and what's gave him light. I read that the idea that Till had a crush on Mizi was there from the very early stages of development from the artbook. That's a crucial part of his character. And unlike how the usual "reserved and gentle" Ivan can get pretty aggressive to get a reaction out of Till (nothing against Ivan, just analyzing) Till's love is also pretty much unrequited, but he acts very selfless and gentle towards Mizi, he never does anything that'd.. affect her in a strong sense except for trying to express his feelings through music. While Ivan pokes, punches, grabs, kisses his love to get his attention, Till tends to blush and run away. This guy is very aware of what his feelings towards Mizi is, yet I think he understood his position and how much Mizi loves Sua so he keeps at a distance. His commentary about Mizi is that he believes "she's the most beautiful being in the entire universe and he felt reborn when she smiled at him." Oh wait?? he's an INFP??? REALLY??? Looking at the artbook and..;;hshshg to imagine an INFP acting like him.. oh, he must have suffered A LOT;; I guess he was always on edge in those harsh conditions then. His feelings towards Mizi didn't really come across so much either, as it is said she thought Till was evading her, she wanted to be more friendly with him being the jolly and sweet person she is though.

The outcome for these two are very similar but different. When I watched Till's fate..(yeah, I was shocked he almost NEVER stood a chance against Luka despite how good he is too;;) I think I felt sad, but I was.. also happy for him that he realized Mizi does genuinely care for him. What Ivan got wasn't mutual, Till didn't understand.. and he was engraved, but as a source of trauma (I find this inevitable though seeing how that stage played out). Mizi smiled at Till and he was so happy to see her again he immediately lit up and tried to reach out to her while the stage was still going on, their eyes meet, the way Ivan and Till did on the previous stage, but it was welcoming and out of glee. Of course the one Mizi loves is Sua, but it was sweet to see Mizi really caring for Till as a friend. He's also what she's wanted to save, and Till was suffering after he thought Mizi was gone, but he got that sense of relief in his last moments. There was a comment I found that I found was quite insightful about this situation. He doesn't ask much in return, he always was that person that'd accept and appreciate what she gave him. Was that really enough for Till? I'm not sure but, he was still happy from everything Mizi had given him. I do see Ivan having a harder time being the same way because Till would have been so focused on Mizi to look back at him if he was as passive and accepting as Till was to her, and besides, I think the type of "love" they have may not exactly be the same although it can be categorized as "love". "Love" comes in many different forms and it grew in ways that were affected by their environment and personalities. I appreciate how that was depicted. I feel Till's love towards Mizi is just as powerful as Ivan's love towards Till was, it displays the different types of one-sided love.

I can talk about Sua and Mizi's dynamic too, with that I'd be talking about all the four major ships (I talked about Hyuna and Luka in another post earlier!) but maybe I'll do that another time.

However, I'd still like to mention what I found interesting in the artbook! They say that Sua wanted to protect Mizi's naivety and shield her from reality, because she found salvation in it. It was a place of escape for her, they say (p44) she gave Mizi hope that there would be a good ending, and that's how Mizi completely broke down the moment Sua was gone. Mizi really didn't see it coming while Sua actually did as she sang. Sua wanted to remain in that moment forever with Mizi, they say (p39) she depended on Mizi as much as Mizi did for her. The artbook gives out a really good insight in terms of about how the characters feel about things and it's very colorful and thick and great to see in general, so I recommend you to buy it if you are interested in the series. I'm not a hardcore fan of this piece (yet) but it was still worth every penny to me so, I bet it'd be a gem for those who really care for it~

[rekaspbrak]

thanks to my rewatch of Loki I’ve just been reminded how much I’m annoyed by (mostly) fellow Lokius shippers that insist Sylvie is problematic, abusive, toxic, rude to Loki and that she only used Loki for her own gain.

(And that’s coming from a person who also enjoys Lokius and I’m tired of fellow shippers pretending it’s not misogyny when it actually clearly is)

Are we really in any position to claim any of that when Mobius did the exact same if not even worse things to Loki?

Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, Loki was indeed used by him. The sole reason why Loki is alive, the sole reason why Mobius recruited Loki was for his own benefit. He needed to apprehend the variant that posed a threat to the stability of the multiverse and was eliminating their forces. Coming across Loki was a happy accident and in it, he saw the opportunity to finally capture that variant. Sure, he might have been fascinated by Loki’s nature and perhaps even harbored hopes that this partnership might work out for him even better than anticipated, but the main and primary reason why he even recruited him was to use him.

In fact, he explicitly stated in subsequent episodes that if Loki refused to cooperate, he wouldn't hesitate to prune him. He warned Loki that his survival hinged upon his willingness to comply.

He can be ruthless and manipulative to get what he wants and will not hesitate to take any means necessary to reach his goal. Mobius was not reluctant to strike at Loki's most vulnerable areas.

He’s smart enough to identify Loki’s weaknesses, and one of them is his affection for his mother. When he told him Loki killed his mother, while not entirely incorrect since Frigga’s death was an unintentional consequence of Loki’s actions, he aimed to shatter Loki emotionally and provoke a reaction. It's a classic tactic of emotional manipulation designed to coerce Loki into compliance.

He used a similar strategy in episode 4 where he deceived Loki, manipulated him into thinking that Sylvie, someone Mobius suspected Loki had grown close to, had been killed.  Then, he proceeded to taunt Loki, who was visibly distressed by his lies, all in an effort to provoke a response from him.

The finale made it evident that Mobius lacks physical combat skills, rendering him incapable of directly engaging in fights. Therefore, to gain an advantage over Loki, Mobius relies on identifying his vulnerabilities and exploiting them.

He can use the TimeTwister for when Loki misbehaves and controls him like a dog, or, he can throw him in a memory loop cell, subjecting him to both verbal and physical abuse for an indeterminate period, so basically someone else does that job for him.

That action in particular is something I noticed a lot of you tend to ignore. At this point, Mobius and Loki had already formed a camaraderie. It might not have been a full-fledged friendship just yet, but they were clearly on their way to becoming friends. Mobius was hurt that Loki decided to stab him in the back and destroy his trust in him by doing the exact thing he shouldn’t - running off with the Variant, even if that was for a good cause.

For Loki, Mobius risked a great deal: his own job, the friendship and trust of Ravonna, the trust placed in him and even Ravonna by the Time Keepers, and possibly even his own life. He had enough faith in Loki to believe that Loki wouldn't betray him and run off at the first opportunity.  And Loki betrayed that trust when he went after the mysterious Variant.

When Loki and Sylvie were captured by the TVA, it wasn’t jealousy that Loki had feelings for Sylvie that drove him (even though we like to headcanon that, we have to keep in mind Loki and Mobius’ relationship wasn’t written as romantic). Instead, it was his anger and resentment that stemmed from placing so much trust in Loki, only to have him do the very thing Mobius had believed he wouldn't.

Then, despite the fact that there was already some camaraderie between them, and despite the fact that Loki genuinely meant well, Mobius in his anger, completely dismissed the possibility of Loki being honest with him. He outright declared that he no longer needed Loki and, to make matters worse, he threw him into the Time Loop cell where he knew Loki would endure repeated instances of physical assault.

I know that some of you like to argue, “oh, well at least he didn’t choose a worse memory! He clearly cares about him then!” but honestly, that’s just very questionable and just....uh?

The reason Mobius selected that memory was because he knew Lady Sif would inflict repeated physical pain upon Loki and because of what Lady Sif says to him during that loop. She hurls insults at him, calling him a "conniving, craven, pathetic worm" and that he deserves to be alone for the rest of eternity.

Mobius made the conscious decision to throw Loki into the Time Loop cell, despite the budding friendship between them, despite the budding trust, despite everything that happened and was perfectly fine with that.

It wasn't because Mobius was manipulated by the TVA or forced to do this; he did it of his own accord. He chose to punish Loki and because he wanted to use him, break him to extract info out of him. Because he refused to believe Loki’s words.

I’m shocked that so many of you overlook that and pretend it didn’t happen, because as much as I love Mobius and their dynamic, what Mobius did in that particular episode alone was more severe than anything Sylvie did to Loki throughout the entire season.

In the span of a few minutes, Mobius:

insulted Loki, called him an asshole, bad friend and compared him to a cockroach

mocked his feelings to provoke him

lied to him that someone Loki cared about had been killed, manipulating his emotions for a reaction

despite Loki’s genuine intentions, he refused to listen to him

he bluntly stated that Loki was no longer of any use to him 

he threw Loki into a place where he would endure physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, intentionally subjecting him to suffering

through his actions, Mobius reinforced the idea that Loki deserves to be alone, (just as Loki was in the process of forming actual, meaningful relationships with at least two people; Mobius and Sylvie, Mobius goes and punishes Loki by reminding him he deserves to be alone)

and despite all of that, he still expected Loki to provide him with information, meaning he did all of that because he still intended to use him for his own benefit

Eventually, Mobius did go on a bit of a personal investigation and discovered that Loki had been telling the truth. However, by the time he discovered the truth, the damage had already been done, and Loki had already been hurt.

In short, he made a conscious decision to hurt Loki in every way imaginable to get what he wanted. 

The series showed that Mobius was aware that there was a possibility that Loki might be telling the truth. However, his anger, stubbornness and unwavering certainty in his own righteousness blinded him from considering the possibility that Loki could be right.

Again, I like Mobius very much and I like Lokius as well, but jesus christ guys, some of you need to take a step back from solely blaming Sylvie as the worst person ever when Mobius did the exact same things. If not even worse, because unlike Mobius, Sylvie at least never manipulated Loki into thinking his feelings were invalid, never claimed that his mother had died because of him, never tricked him into believing that someone he cared about had been murdered.

Sylvie never subjected Loki to a memory loop filled with continuous verbal insults reminding him that he is oh, just the worst and that he deserves the life of loneliness for the rest of eternity, all the while he also suffered physical pain.

You’re free to have personal preferences and to dislike a ship or a character, but for the love of Lord stop claiming Sylvie is abusive and toxic and what not, when our own ship is just as flawed if not even more flawed. 

Sylvie did this, she did that, but where’s that same vitriol for Mobius? Why are you only coming after the woman? They both did bad shit that hurt Loki, but some of you only see Sylvie’s actions and pretend Mobius was nothing but supportive of Loki the entire time, which is wrong and disgusting. No, Mobius and Lokius is not better than Sylvie and Sylki and it’s time for some of you to accept that.

I like Mobius and I like Lokius but I’m tired of being called a misogynist because of some of you who cannot accept the fact that Mobius has committed and inflicted just as many (if not more) morally questionable things as Sylvie.

And the worst thing is that those who call this misogyny are actually right.

Mobius is a good, compelling character and will likely prove to be a good friend to Loki in Season 2, but he’s not innocent either. He can be manipulative. He can be horrible. He can be brutal to get what he wants. Yes, even to Loki.

Even Loki acknowledged that, so why can’t you?

[breadvidence]

'34! The Les Misérables adaptation which asks "What if these characters talked straightforwardly to each other?" Quick top notes on part III only:

I felt catharsis from all the other version of these goddamn characters while watching Cosette and Valjean openly discuss Marius and the barricades. The dynamic here is believable and well balanced: Cosette is angry and afraid and a little hurtful with it, but still seeking comfort from her father (and comes across very much sixteen—as one might imagine, given Josseline Gaël was herself only seventeen); meanwhile, Valjean looks a little helpless (I am reminded of the novel dwelling on how unprepared life left him to raise a daughter) and very pained. Valjean hurts his own feelings asking Cosette if she loves Marius above all else, which gets the predictable answer that anyone would understand does not actually mean she wants to abandon her papa utterly, but which you can clearly see him interpreting as precisely that. All in all, this portrayal makes them much more normal, particularly Cosette, while still retaining the kernel of Valjean's profoundly damaged understanding of his role in Cosette's life. Not shoddy work for ten or so minutes of film.

Harry Bauer's strange hand flaps when he protests "I have my own reasons for emigrating!"—why are you being so relatable, sir?

Is Harry Bauer a fucking beast or did they use wires to help support Jean Servais' weight? Bauer tippy-taps his way around the streets and sewers as if he's not fifty-and-change with a grown-ass man sprawled over his back. You get a sense throughout '34 of Valjean's strength and imposing physicality even though Bauer is on the surface kind of dumpy looking, which I found impressive.

I am also impressed by the intensity of Bauer's "fuck this!" expression during the shit quicksand sequence. Later, he will refer to a "wound"—I never actually saw him acquire such a thing (probably due to Criterion's glitchy playback), so I'm left to think he's referring to the psychological/emotional damage of this moment.

Harry Bauer gives Marius a little pat after dragging him through the sewer, which for me echoes Gabrio, and just as in '25 I find the gesture very sweet and gentle. Bauer is a somewhat cantankerous Valjean—very growly—and moments like this balance him out.

Javert also picked up clear communication skills in this adaptation and writes a straightforward suicide note to his superiors, who proceed to cross his name out of a big book?? I laughed, I'm sorry, why is there always an element of comedy to these suicides?

Further catharsis: Valjean's attempt to gaslight and push away Cosette is strangled by a combination of Marius' equanimous reaction to his confession and his own inability to reject Cosette's need for comfort. I prefer the book—I'm here for the emotional agony that is this idiot character's idiot self-martyring—but I am nonetheless here for '34 going "that will take too long (and is too fucking sad)".

The final lines are giving me fits (bad). Namely: "God is just. It is man who sometimes is unjust." I might be going off harebrained on this, but it seems to me that Les Misérables is (among other things) about change, and this is a statement that proposes a kind of stasis, a things-always-are-thus. It isn't even particularly meaningful or thematically pertinent in the context of '34 taken as its own work. It's particularly galling me because I imagine it is riffing poorly off Valjean's "Parce que les choses déplaisent [...] ce n'est pas une raison pour être injuste envers Dieu"—which is a very clever line, meaning something entirely different, and doesn't deserve this treatment.

Irrelevant to Les Mis as such but occasionally a certain camera angle on Jean Servais' face would remind me how gay I am, while other times he has fuckboy vibes?

Overall: a solid film, not quite on par for me with '25, but I'll doubtless rewatch. In particular I appreciate that it deviates from the source material in ways that are consistent and meaningful (though I will say—god, does this movie ever have its silly moments; I forgive/applaud it for them).

[oculusxcaro]

[I portray Rorschach as gay but low-key his bond with Khare is so sweet and meaningful that I could see him being fine with platonically marrying Khare. In a world where that would even be on the table, which I'm sure is not.

but also Khare could get a green card that way. just sayin]

Rue, this is the sweetest thing and I'm sorry it's taken a while to reply to this because I kept coming back to this and grinning like an idiot until my cheeks hurt? Rorschach and Khare's relationship is by far one of my all-time favourite experiences, not just on this one thing but roleplaying in general.

Their connection is one of those things I never saw coming but holy crap, it's so good, the way their bond has grown so much and whenever I'm having a bad day, I just think back to one of their many interactions and start smiling like a loon all over again. It goes without saying your Rorschach is absolutely-fucking-phenomenal - all your muses are, but your writing in particular pulled Watchmen from the deepest recesses of 2009 and dragged it right back into the forefront again. Dan, Liz and Adrian are all beautifully written but I can't deny these two are something deeply special to me. Guilty as charged, your honor. ♥ Your Rorschach being gay (which I adore about him) is so brilliantly portrayed and reasoned, so it's all the more meaningful that, in the best case scenario, he'd actually be okay with platonically marrying Khare? I don't think she'd mind either; sure he's no Bruce Wayne, but that doesn't matter to her because she adores him and he really is the closest friend she's got, both in Gotham and probably in her life which was nothing special until, you know, the whole getting-kidnapped-and-turned-into-an-experimental-guinea-pig type thing. He's been good to her though, and even though not a lot of people like him very much, he's important to her, so even though it's not likely there's a world where this would actually happen given the issues™ our two have, just the thought that he'd willingly do this for her says a lot considering his attitude about women. She gets a green card, he gets a beard so nobody looks at them too closely and Rorschach can continue contending with his feelings and accept his being gay. It's a win/win situation if, you know, Rorschach didn't have a crippling deathwish and Khare wasn't basically rotting from the inside out. Still, it's a very sweet thing to think about and these two being able to heal from their pasts and come out as better people for it.

[goodlucktai]

Prompt: rise!Raph’s relationship with sweaters/jackets and how they always tear

x

Raph is twelve when he finally gets the jacket he’s been dreaming of forever—since he saw it in a magazine April left in the lair weeks and weeks ago. 

Pops doesn’t usually go in for new clothes. They’re harder for him to get his hands on, and Raph can definitely understand his school of thought—new clothes would only stay new-ish for a handful of hours, given the rough way he and his brothers tumble around and play. 

But Raph really wants this jacket. And he swears up and down that he’ll take care of it, he won’t practice ninja or skateboard or play in it. 

April’s mom works at a big fancy department store and she’s happy to use her perks for one of her daughter’s best friends. Pops has lots of ‘savings’ leftover from his old job, even though he refuses to tell them what he used to do, no matter how much they pester him about it. So on Raph’s next birthday, he gets the jacket. 

He’s so excited. Normally his presents are things that he and his siblings can all share—and he’s happy with that! He loves to share with them! But this is nice, too. Having something that’s just his. 

“Put it on, Raph, let’s see!” April says eagerly over the sound of his brothers’ raucous cheering, so as soon as Splinter hands it over, Raph does. 

And it rips. 

He can hear the sound of shredding fabric. It seems impossibly loud. It shouldn’t cut through the noise of the party like it does, but it does. Everyone gets very quiet. 

The thing is—Raph is built different, just like Donnie. But where Donnie is soft, Raph is sharp. He’s always had to be very careful with his brothers, because one wrong move and he could accidentally hurt them. He’s grown up that way, being careful of others. He forgets to be careful with himself. 

“Red, it’s alright,” Pops says quickly, laying a hand on his arm. “We can get you a new one.”

But the same thing would just happen again, no matter how many replacements they buy him. 

Raphael is the oldest, and he has to set a good example, and throwing a tantrum or bursting into tears at his birthday party isn’t a good example. So he wrestles for control of his expression and says, “Let me just stick this in my room real quick,” and then vanishes as quickly as he can so the sniffles don’t start until his siblings can’t hear him. 

In his bedroom, he slides the jacket back off, wincing when the torn parts of the sleeves catch against his rough skin. He wants to throw it far away from him, but it's still a gift. He sets it down instead, folded inward so none of the tears show.

When Raph gets back to the atrium, he’s managed to come up with a grin, and he waves away his brothers’ worried glances. April has forced the party back into momentum by sheer force of her substantial willpower, though she does spare Raph a soft, big-sister-look that promises they’ll be talking about it later. 

Years and years down the road, that particular birthday is a crystallized memory, one he thinks back on a lot. It’s the first time Raph remembers hating something about himself. But he also remembers that the feeling only survived until that same evening, a few hours later, when Leo poked his head through Raph’s bedroom door.

“Raph, c’mon, birthday dinner.”

It’s tradition, by now, for each of them to end their birthday with their favorite takeout at their favorite place in the underground, just the four of them. (This has to be negotiated days in advance of the twins’ birthday, because arguing for sport, and sometimes in song, is one of their favorite hobbies.) Raph’s is easy, though—the City Hall loop station, with its massive arched ceilings and the beautiful broken skylights. Donnie even gets the lights on for him, so the whole place is glowing and warm.

He can already smell pepperoni and garlic. He can hear Donnie and Mikey talking further down the hall, a little more subdued than usual. He should go out there since they’re waiting for him. He doesn’t want to disappoint them, but he isn’t sure if he can find a cheerful face to put on. He thinks he wants to just…stay in his room, maybe. 

Then Leo says, “But can I please wear your jacket?? Please please pleaaaaase, Raphie?”

Raph blinks, glancing up at him. The gaping surprise makes his tear-sticky face feel funny. 

“The one I just got? Leon, it’s—” Ruined, he can’t bring himself to say. He can’t even bring himself to look at it.

“The coolest thing ever, I know,” his little brother says enthusiastically, pushing the door open the rest of the way and hurrying inside. He snatches the jacket up off the back of the chair it’s resting on and holds it out at arms’ length, admiring the details. “Honestly—can I be honest with you? I didn’t think much of it at first, like, when I saw it in the magazine. But after your modifications?” He whistles low, something he learned to do specifically to annoy Donatello.

“Modifications?” Raph says uncertainly. 

“Yeah! DIY style is big, you know! And ripped clothes are in.” 

Leo slides the jacket on. It’s comically big on him, and the holes in the arms are mostly hidden by the way the fabric bunches up; the tears along the shoulders are more obvious. It does something unhappy to Raph’s stomach when he sees them. 

But then Leo starts posing in the mirror, and pats himself down for a camera he doesn’t have, and hollers down the hallway for Donnie to come get a picture of him. 

It must be cool if Leo thinks it’s cool. 

“So?” Leo asks with those big puppy-dog eyes he taught Mikey when they were little, to absolutely everyone’s detriment and Leo’s eternal chagrin. “Can I, Raph?”

“It’s Raph’s birthday present, he should wear it,” Donnie scoffs as he comes in, clearly having caught the gist of the conversation. 

But he has his tablet in hand and takes a few agreeable pictures of his twin in more and more outrageous fashion model poses. Raphael is laughing by the time Mikey shows up, and his youngest brother brightens visibly at the sound. 

“Save the photo shoot for the loop station!” Mikey says earnestly. He frames his hands around Raphael like he’s lining up a shot. “Raphie, you’ll look so cool! Those stained glass windows, the lights, that jacket—it’ll be perfect!” 

Raph is looking at the torn jacket in a brand new way. He thinks he can kind of see what they see. Maybe it doesn’t look as bad as he thought. When he comes over to the mirror, Leo slinks out of it immediately and presses it into Raph’s hands. 

Raphael holds it and runs his thumb along one of the rips, but it doesn’t nearly bring him to tears this time. Now he’s recapturing the way he felt when he first saw it in the magazine. It’s changed, not ruined. Modified to fit exactly him and nobody else. 

He puts it back on, and this time his spikes don’t tear through the fabric, because they already have holes to live in. He glances at the mirror, and maybe there’s a second of a gut-punch when he sees the way his skin comes through the sleeves and his shell pokes through the shoulders, but it’s drowned out almost immediately by shy, pleased joy at the way his brothers hoot and cheer and hype him up. 

“Raphieee, you gooootta let me borrow,” Leo moans, draped bonelessly against his arm. 

Raph grins and scoops him up, then Mikey in the name of fairness when Mikey scrambles to be included, and says, “Maybe on the way back, Neon.”

Donnie scoots away before his big brother can get any big ideas about carrying him and leads the way back through the lair to collect the food. They call a goodbye to Pops, who watches them with gentle eyes as they go, and then they run into the deep, dark underground they know so well—the secret sprawling playground that stretches for miles and miles, just for them. 

Raph remembers being upset about tearing his clothes exactly once, when he was twelve. Ever since then, he’s always thought it looked cool. 

[jonghyunar]

i hope you know that you'll never be forgotten and how much you were, are, and will continue to be loved, jonghyun. your smile, laugh, voice, and bright personality never fail to warm my heart, even on the darkest of days. i know you're smiling down on all of us today and even if you're not physically with us, i know we'll never truly be without you. thank you for continuing to inspire me everyday and for spreading love, positivity, and happiness, even from up above.

you did so well, kim jonghyun.

this year has been... tough, to say the least. on top of the mental stress of the pandemic, US election, and personal issues that have come up throughout the past few months, it's been a whirlwind of emotions for me personally. as a shawol though, there have been three beacons of happiness at the very least shining and lighting up the end of this year: the return of jinki, kibum, and minho, and that leading to the reunion of our boys.

i can't put into words how happy i've been to see their interactions, their smiles, their laughter, their cringiness... i think the sentiment minho expressed when jinki made a classic pun / dad joke-esque statement during their first instagram live together summed up a lot of what we were feeling: how much we've missed not only jinki's gags, but just their interactions and them being together. minkey's bickering, their questioning of taemin's everything, and their loving acceptance of onew's sangtae (condition) no matter what he does. the four of them together has given me something to look forward to every morning, to see a new interaction or video or just any sort of news... but at the same time, for me, there's something missing, and that gap is apparent no matter how happy i am to see them all together.

i don't like lingering on your absence, but i can't help but wonder what things would be like if you were still here. would minkey still have enlisted along with jinki? would you have gone with him instead? would there have been more subunits of shinee if you had stayed? how would you have continued to inspire all the younger idols with your music? your love of performing? what would your legacy have grown to be if you were still with us?

three years later and my heart still hurts. of course i put this off to less than 12 hours before i'm supposed to post it, but when gathering these gifs, i found myself watching more ot5 content and missing how you made everyone laugh with your bright, playful personality. your saltiness when anyone brought up your height, your talkative energy whenever you got excited, your hilarious acting on snl... i miss so much about you, jonghyun. and when i got to 2017 and i saw clips of people talking about you, leeteuk's speech in particular when he mentioned shinee in an award acceptance speech... of course it broke me. the feelings of you being gone returning once again made that gap all the more apparent. the reunion that jinki, kibum, minho, and taemin all had earlier this year... i wish it had included you too.

i know you're with the boys no matter what. even when you're not there, you are in spirit; i'm sure that the four of them wouldn't be able to get rid of you that easily anyway, but i guess it just makes me sad that you're not visibly or physically present. you would've turned 30 this year, you would've made so many people's lives all the more brighter by just existing, but of course i know that it is selfish of me to think this way. today, i want to focus on remembering you for what you've done and what you continue to do with your legacy, not what you could've done if you were still here.

regardless of the sadness that comes with this day, i hope you know that you continue to make me and a lot of other people happy. i still listen to your music, i still smile whenever i see a picture or video of you, and i still miss you, jonghyun; i hope you're doing well, wherever you are, and that you know that you're still so loved. thank you for everything.

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

[midgardianweasley]

I‘d love to see you write an angsty fanfic with Natasha x reader (male or female is up to you) with a bad ending of your choice.

No pressure of course ✨

as requested Violet!! I hope it's okay<3

How could you do this to me?

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha hasn’t been around recently and Y/N’s been really missing her company, but that changes when some CCTV footage is discovered.

Warnings: Cheating, swearing.

Word Count: 3.6k

there was an attempted proof read, but sorry in advance if i've missed anything!!

message/ask to be added to the taglist<3

Requests are open!

You weren’t surprised when you woke up to an empty bed once again, the space beside you missing a red-head assassin. You’d grown used to the sight of bedsheets spread lazily on your side of the bed, almost completely thrown off of the edge. It wasn’t unusual, however, the feeling of disappointment that lingered in your chest every morning never eased with time.

‘I’m just off to train, baby.’

‘I need to go and see Fury about this next mission, you go back to sleep’

‘I forgot to debrief the team last night, so we need to have a meeting this morning instead.’

‘Off to get some breakfast, my love. I’ll save you some eggs.’

Those were the typical reasons you received whenever you questioned where she was going in such a hurry in the mornings. You knew she was busy, of course you did. But, you missed the mornings when she’d pull you back into her chest, refusing to let you leave until you gave her a few kisses, which never ended up just being kisses, but you always gave in either way.

Now that you think of it, you can’t remember the last time she held you. Not properly. She used to hold you in a death grip, so tight that you could almost feel her heartbeat in your own chest. Nowadays, you were lucky to get more than a few taps on the back, it felt like you were being congratulated for something.

You’d always brushed it off, thinking that you must’ve been selfish for wanting so much of her attention, you had to be more understanding of how demanding her job is. It wasn’t like you never tried, you did, everyday. It would just be nice to feel her love for you a little more, even if it was just a quick peck before she left in the mornings.

“Hey Wan’, Hey Vis” You smiled at the pair as they stood at the kitchen counter, cracking eggs and buttering some toast. They loved cooking together, Wanda always told you how cute it was when Vision was trying to learn, especially after his fiasco with the Paprika.

“Hi Y/N, want something to eat?” Wanda handed you some toast, which you took gratefully, slowly munching on it.

Vision looked up as though to engage in conversation, when he then looked around in confusion. “Where’s Ms. Romanoff?”. You shrugged.

“I’m not sure, I think she’s training, I’ve not heard from her yet.”

You were looking at Vision, but it was near impossible to miss the sympathetic look Wanda was giving you. She knew about how you’d been feeling with Natasha not being around so much, she had tried to help, to hint to Nat that you’d been feeling a bit neglected for a while now, but she hadn’t gotten very far.

“Nat, nat, I just think that maybe you should spend a little more time with Y/N” It was obvious the assassin wasn’t listening to her, shrugging it off and trying to walk past the witch, only to have a hand pressed on her chest to push her backwards.

“Wanda, I need to go, I'm running late.”

“you’re always running somewhere. I'm sure Fury, or Tony or whoever you’re in such a rush to see, can wait. You haven’t seen your girlfriend in forever.”

“I saw her last night.”

“Crawling into bed in the early hours of the morning and sleeping next to her, isn’t seeing her, Nat.”

Her words fell on deaf ears as she watched her friend turn around and walk the other way. She could’ve used her powers to stop her, she didn’t see a point though. She wasn’t listening, and she couldn’t force her to.

“It's fine though, honestly! I can hang out with you guys today if you’re not busy?”

the couple shared a look of awkwardness before looking back towards you.

“Actually, we were going to go into town and do some sightseeing. You’re welcome to join us though!” She smiled, not wanting you to be alone, which you were grateful for, but you couldn’t intrude.

“No no, don’t worry! I think I've got something Tony wanted me to check out in the Lab, now that I think about it.” You didn’t. “You guys have fun though! take pictures!” You winked, knowing full well that your best friend didn’t believe you, she hesitated before nodding her head in agreement and beginning to walk off with Vision in tow.

__________________

An hour or so went by, you still hadn’t seen Natasha at all, or anyone, really. They all seemed to have disappeared to do their own thing, leaving you to find yours. So, you found yourself wandering into your lab, where you found Tony observing the screens with an endless amount of data changing every couple of seconds. You never really understood how he made sense of it all so quickly, but you’d always been intrigued nonetheless.

He must’ve sensed someone was there, as he broke away from his train of thought and glanced over towards you, fully acknowledging how your shoulders were slumped and your eyes lacked your usual sparkle. Tony alway had a soft spot for you, he’d known you for years, taking on a role similar to a father’s. Seeing you look so defeated recently, it’d hurt him a little more than he cared to admit.

Gesturing for you to come in with a gentle smile before moving and adjusting various chunks of metal on the table in the centre of the lab.

“Ah ah!” He tapped the bridge of his nose

“You can’t be serious! Tony I-”

“Nope”

“I’m a grown woman!” You laughed in disbelief at his

“Yes, you are, and I do not plan on taking said grown woman to medical because she got a shot of electricity through her eyeball. Put them on.”

You rolled your eyes, picking up a pair of the obnoxiously large lab goggles and put them over your face. He really took being a ‘father figure’ too seriously sometimes. With your goggles on, you took yourself over to where he stood, hoping to help him out somehow and keep yourself occupied.

You watched him move around blueprints on the screen above. “So, whatcha working on?”

“Well, remember that last mission we went on? How that ended?”

“Well, considering I had to get bullets removed for the last two hours, I’d say I remember pretty well.”

His face cringed slightly “Yeah, that’s the one. I’m basically just trying to layer the suits more, but keep the weight to a minimum so that there’s more protection, but the speed and mobility is almost, if not, the same.” He pondered, mind wandering off again to try and figure out how he could make this work.

Suddenly springing to action, he started assembling some pieces together, chucking some aside and reaching for different tools he required.

Looking towards you, he tilted his head “Can you pass me the-”

His sentence was interrupted. “Hey Tony, hey-” Banner. You didn’t mind Bruce, he was always quite quiet and polite most of the time, a little awkward, but, when you have a literal Hulk inside of you, it’s probably the least of your concerns.

You waved at the Avenger. “Hi Bruce” You gave him a friendly smile, for it to be returned with an awkward gaze, which he tried to quickly shove off.

“Yeah, uh, hi, Y/N. W-what brings you here?”

“Oh, no particular reason, I wanted something to do so I thought I'd come down, just pay a visit.” He nodded, acknowledging your words but appearing a little on edge, almost.

“Hey, you okay?” You asked “You look a little pale?”

“Yeah, yeah n-no I'm fine, just a-a bit tired.” He stuttered before suddenly directing his attention towards the man standing beside you. “How’s it coming along, Ton’?”

“Not bad, I have a wonderful assistant to help me out.” he nudged you playfully.

“Haha, yeah. She’s great. Anyways, you seem to have a good hold on things, so, I’ll leave you to it and come back later.”

Neither of you had managed to get a word out before Banner had walked out and was already out of sight. You turned to face Tony again.

“Was that- did you find that weird at all?”

“I find most of the people in this compound weird.”

It was a serious question, but you couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the millionaire’s response.

“I do pride myself on it.”

“As you should. You’re the weirdest one.”

“Hey!” You slapped his arm. “Rude!”

“I’m kidding! Now, pass me that screwdriver, goggles.”

Chuckling, you threw him the screwdriver and zoned out thinking about Bruce’s weird behaviour. While Tony was right, the majority of us are weird. You couldn’t stop thinking about how unusual it was, even for him. You put it to the back of your mind though, focusing back on what the man beside you was working on. You’re sure it’s fine.

________________________

You thought you were going crazy. First you had Nat, who was disappearing every chance she got, Then you had Bruce who couldn’t look you in the eye and when you finally believed it couldn’t get any weirder, you picked up on some strange vibes from Steve.

“Oh finally! I was beginning to think no one else actually lives here.” You approached Steve who seemed to be walking and talking with Bruce, both taking a step back when they looked towards you.

“Hey Y/N, we were just-”

“We were just about to go and have a shower. Training.” Steve cut in, earning himself a glare and a shake of the head from the scientist beside him, subtle, so you hadn’t noticed, otherwise you would’ve questioned it.

“Oh? You were training too, Bruce?”

“Well, I-” He glanced at Steve. “Yeah. Yeah, I, uh, wanted to get some combat down, just in case I needed it.”

“Considering our last mission, I think we all should.” the super soldier quickly added, sending you an enthusiastic smile, which you had returned. You went to speak again, possibly inquiring as to whether or not they knew where your girlfriend was, but you hadn't had the chance as the pair of them quickly rushed off, muttering something about catching you later, leaving you on your own, once again.

What the hell was going on?

_____________________

Feeling defeated, you trudged your way into your bedroom, just wanting to shower, get into bed and sleep, and hope for some form of normality.

What you hadn’t expected, was to walk in and see the back of a familiar figure sporting the black suit she practically lived in, tying her hair into a low bun and beginning to change into some more comfortable clothes.

You were dating, so it wasn’t new to see Nat changing, but you still thought it would be decent to make her aware of your presence. The small “ahem” was enough to make her spin round and flash you a smile, her pearly white teeth on show.

“Hi babe, i’m just changing for bed. You okay?”

The words felt so unfamiliar to you, having not heard them in what felt like forever. Still, you decided to humour it.

“Yeah, yeah I'm okay. A bit of a weird day is all.”

She laughed, returning to laying out her clothes. “Well, we are surrounded by some weird people.”

“That’s what Tony said.”

There was an atmosphere in the air that you couldn’t quite pinpoint. It had always felt comfortable with Natasha, you would describe her company as being like a safety blanket, enveloping you with warmth and a sense of security. This felt different. It didn’t feel familiar anymore, it was like you were face to face with a stranger and the more you looked at her, the more it upset you.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Natasha put her palms on your cheeks, bringing your Y/E/C eyes to meet her emerald ones in the process. You hadn’t realised that tears had fallen until the pad of her thumbs gently brushed them away.

“I just, it sounds so stupid.”

“Tell me.”

You let out a sigh, eyes beginning to dart around the room. “It just feels like I’ve never seen you, I don’t remember the last time we’ve spoken and it’s, it’s been lonely.” Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at your response, lips falling into a frown, but you were quick to speak again.

“It hasn’t just been you though, I understand that work gets in the way, but, it felt like some members of the team were acting differently around me.”

“Really? Like who?”

“Well, I mean, Bruce could barely bring himself to say anything more than a sentence to me and I tried to speak to Steve just before I came here and he rushed off like his life depended on it. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being a bit paranoid.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Detka, I wouldn’t worry about it.” She whispered, hands pulling you forward with ease to bring your lips together. You smiled at the contact, you’d missed it.

You were so caught up in it, that you hadn’t noticed you were the only one smiling.

It wasn’t long before the both of you were interrupted by an electronic voice in the room.

“Miss Romanoff, Miss Y/L/N.” It was F.R.I.D.A.Y. “Mr Stark is asking for you both in the conference room.”

“Alright, thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y., we’re on our way.” Your girlfriend replied, rushing away from the kiss and leading you to the door.

Why was everyone in such a rush today?

_______________________

“So, I was messing around with some things in the lab, and I think I've found a solution to our suit issue. It’s still a work in progress because I'll need to tweak some things and then tailor them blah blah blah, but I thought I'd show you guys the latest. JARVIS?”

“Bringing up footage 182.”

While you waited for the video to be up and running, you took note of everyone sitting around you. For the most part, they looked tired, though you don’t blame them, it was pretty late.

Shuffling to your left, you held Natasha’s hand in yours, sending her a loving gaze before resting your head on her shoulder, just content that she was close by. She sat a little straighter at the action, careful not to push you off of her, but not entirely relaxing either.

The large tv screen lit up, a view from the corner of the lab came into sight where you could see Tony installing different wires and pieces of loose metal into the suit, watching it light up as he did so. He was in the middle of explaining what he was doing as the recording went on, when the screen suddenly turned to static, black and white lines taking over the screen.

“JARVIS?”

“Minor technical issue, working on it, Mr Stark.”

You caught Wanda’s eye across the table, a playful smirk plastered onto her face at the mishap, watching the billionaire get stressed over a television. You couldn’t help but laugh at the words flying from his mouth as he started hitting the remote, as if he was someone who didn’t understand technology.

It wasn’t long before an image appeared back on the screen, however, this wasn’t the same recording. This is from the gym. It focused on one of the square mats in the middle of the room where two people were sparring. One of which, you immediately recognised as Natasha.

The other person definitely wasn’t a girl, their hair was short and muscles so big you were worried that one slice would be the end. It zoomed in a little, and from the blonde hair and dark blue outfit, you pieced together who it was.

“Oooh, Black Widow and the SuperSoldier, one vs one. Now this should be interesting.” A previously tired looking Sam clapped his hands and leaned forward, now fully invested in the scene in front of him.

You turned to Nat, who now looked a little paler than she did before.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost, don’t tell me, you lost this spar?” You joked, expecting her to join in and tease you back. Instead, her face displayed an emotion you weren’t entirely sure of.

Before you could question it, you noticed the room fall silent. Not even a breath could be heard in the room. Your head turned slowly, meeting a mixture of shocked and sympathetic faces. And that was when you saw it.

Nat had kissed Steve, and he didn’t stop her.

If you weren't aware of your heartbeat before, you couldn’t be now, for it felt like it had completely stopped. Your jaw fell as your eyes filled with tears, only worsening the longer you saw the two of them on the screen. It was only turned off when a third person walked into view, not needing to ponder on who it could be, you immediately faced guilty stares. Three of them.

“You- you kissed-” You stuttered, incapable of forming a sentence towards your teammate. “And, you knew?” Your voice broke, tears now beginning to find their way down your cheeks for the second time as Bruce couldn’t bring himself to answer you.

You swiftly rose out of your seat, attempting to keep yourself composed until you could be alone.

“Baby-” Natasha murmured, trying to take hold of your hand, which you snatched back before she could lay a finger on it.

“Don’t.”

“Please-”

“Leave me alone.” You spat, speed walking out of what now felt like an overcrowded room.

You didn’t hear it, you’d left too early, but if you had stayed, you would’ve heard the team give Nat and Steve the scolding of their lives, mainly from Wanda and Tony, telling them how disappointed they were in them both. How they’d be lucky if you were to forgive them for what they did.

________________________

You don’t know how long you’d been sitting on your shared bed for. It could’ve been an hour, it could’ve been a couple of minutes. All you knew, was that you couldn’t stay in this room much longer, looking at the picture frames and the shared wardrobe, it just felt painful.

So, you walked over to your wardrobe and gathered every item of your clothing into your arms, lacking any care for if there were hangers or labels in the way, and chucked them on the bed and started to chuck it all into a suitcase intended for holidays but, you don’t see that happening anytime soon.

The sound of sniffles and rustling was all you could hear in the room, so much so that it was suffocating, and it didn’t help when you heard the door creak open.

“What are you doing?” A voice squeaked. Natasha stood beside the door, fidgeting with her fingers as she anxiously bounced from one foot to the other. You didn’t even bother to look up in her direction, focusing solely on getting out of there as soon as you could.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened, I didn’t mean it.” You scoffed at her attempt at an explanation. “I love you.”

That’s what made you whip your head to see her red and puffy eyes, if this was any other situation, you would’ve rushed over and engulfed her in a hug, tell her that everything would be okay and you’re there for her. Now? All you felt was anger.

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have kissed him.”

“I didn’t know-”

You stood up straight, almost laughing at her choice of words. “You didn’t know? Bullshit. I’m pretty fucking sure everyone is aware when they kiss someone. Did you know when you were kissing me then? Or did you not know that either?”

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“I don’t think I care.”

She tries to step closer to you, only for you to take one back, holding your hand out, indicating for her to stop.

“No. no, you know what Nat, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to treat me like a stranger for weeks, like I'm sharing a bed with someone I don’t know, for you to then kiss someone else and expect me to forgive you. You have no idea how I've felt these past weeks, blaming myself and thinking I was selfish for wanting your time. It’s funny, really.”

She looked away from you, regret taking over her features, both of you now having tear stains covering your rosy red cheeks.

You broke the silence once again. “Was that the first time?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Y/N-” She pleaded

“Answer the question, Natasha.” You spoke through gritted teeth.

Silence returned to the four walls.

“Get out.”

“No, no, we-” She stepped forward, only to halt herself when she realised what she was doing.

“There is no ‘we’. We’re done. I’ll have my stuff moved back into my room by tonight, though I'm sure it won’t make much of a difference to you.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Whatever.”

She walked out of the room, hesitating slightly, wondering if it’s worth staying and trying to figure out whatever this is. She shook her head to herself, knowing she’d fucked up. There wasn’t a fight anymore. It was done.

Collapsing on the bed, the feeling washed over you again as the finality of it all set in. You didn’t stop though. You packed your clothes, your perfumes, all of your loose hair ties and left the room with only one thought on your mind.

Natasha won’t even notice the difference.

Taglist: @natashas-favourite-knives @wandaromanova

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted 29 - Miracles and Endings [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: Oh my goodness, the last chapter before the epilogue! ❤ Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback my loves, I hope you will like it! ❤ Ilysm! ❤❤❤

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Murder, serial killers, death, mentions of sex, drinking.

Word Count: 4600

Summary: Sometimes, miracles happen.

The following weeks were more of a bliss than you were used to. It was like you could finally breathe, finally lose yourself in peace.

You heaved a sigh and snuggled into the soft covers, not ready to leave the pleasant haze of sleep yet but when you felt the empty space beside you, you opened your eyes and sat up straight in bed, looking around.

“Spencer?” you called out and heard the footsteps in the living room. You yawned as you stretched your body, then pushed the covers off of you, grabbed your dressing gown to put it on and made your way to the living room.

You found him by the desk, busy with something you couldn’t see just yet and you cleared your throat, making him jump out of his skin before he pushed whatever he was holding into his satchel.

“Hey,” you said when he turned to you, “What have you got there?”

“Nothing,” he said way too quickly, “Nothing, I- I didn’t hear you wake up.”

“Oh, clearly,” you grinned before you walked to him and pecked him on the lips, “You’re not thinking about bailing on the brunch, are you?”

“I can’t believe we put your family’s brunch and team’s dinner on the same Sunday.”

“Yes but that way, we can do whatever we want the next Sunday,” you pointed out, “Including staying in bed whole day.”

“The whole day?” he mused and you kissed his lips again,

“I mean, I’m sure we can find something to…entertain ourselves.”

“Oh I’m sure,” he wrapped his arms around you, and your phone beeped, making you heave a sigh.

“That’s our cue to get ready, I guess,” you said, “Before my mom barges in here.”

“Does she even know where I live?”

You shot him a look, “Spencer. Come on.”

“Right.”

You reached out to run your fingers through his curls, “So, your last week at BAU,” you said, “How are we feeling?”

“I mean, I’m already teaching most of the time, it was just…formalities at BAU at this point,” he said, “But yeah. Next week will be interesting I guess.”

“A new slate,” you reminded him, “It will be fun. And you know, I will still love you when you’re this old and hot professor, so keep that in mind.”

Even though your joke was supposed to make him laugh, you couldn’t help but notice that look of hesitation on his face.

“You—you do, right?” he asked, and you raised your brows.

“Hm?”

“You love me?”

You blinked a couple of times, then let out a small laugh.

“Oh wow, sex makes you clingy doesn’t it professor?”

“Y/N.”

“No seriously, having to wait for a couple of weeks because of something so trivial-“

“Broken ribs are not trivial,” he corrected you and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever. If this is your way of saying last night was mind blowing for you,” you said “So much that it made you forget one very simple fact…”

“Very simple fact, huh?” he repeated with a smile and you nodded.

“Consider this your daily reminder,” you said and stood on your tiptoes to give him a kiss, “I love you,” you muttered against his lips, kissing him again, “So, so much.”

He pulled you closer to himself, deepening the kiss, his fingertips caressing your neck before you pulled back with a sigh.

“We should get ready,” you told him, “No distractions professor, come on."

                                                   ***

Since the weather was so nice and warm, your mother had decided that you could have the brunch outside. The maid let you in and Lily screeched, then rushed to hug Spencer as soon as she saw you two and he lifted her up.

“Is that a new headband?” he joked and she giggled.

“Yes!” she said “Hi auntie!”

“Hi bug,” you kissed her cheek, “What, you like him better or something?”

“No, but you can’t lift me yet,” she said with her nose in the air, “Mama said it’d hurt you.”

“She does have a point,” Spencer pointed out and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“I’m fine!”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Mina commented from the living room, making Kenzie let out a laugh. Spencer’s phone started ringing as soon as you stepped into the room and he had to put Lily down.

“Excuse me,” he said and made his way to the hallway while Nolan approached you to kiss you on the cheek.

“Hey there,”

“Hey, where’s mom?”

“Upstairs, picking earrings,” he said, “The table isn’t ready yet but if Spencer wants, I have this wonderful coffee, he needs to try it.”

“Why do I get no love today?” you asked to no one in particular and Kenzie smiled before wrapping her arms around you.

“Aw but I love you!” she said, making you grin.

“Only you are going to be in my will, none of these people.” You motioned around the room and Mina scoffed.

“I think I’ll be fine thank you. I’ve seen your wardrobe, I’m not impressed.”

“How dare you?” you gasped, making Lily giggle.

“What’s a will?” she asked and Mina shook her head.

“It’s a grown up document baby.”

“Speaking of grown up documents,” you grinned and turned to Nolan, “Please tell me we won’t have any surprises during brunch. Because me and Spencer have this bet going on—“

“Oh please, he’s not going to ask her here,” Mina said, “It’ll be on top of a mountain or something.”

“Mountains are cold this time of the year.”

“I just want to point out,” you said, “If it is a plan that will take place in near future—Lily, cover your ears baby.”

Lily put her hands over her ears, looking up at you curiously.

“My assistant tried to kill me very recently, so I’m behind my schedule and my client list is full.”

“It’s not full, and you’re not getting out of this that easy.”

“I almost died!”

“Yeah and see, now you have another excuse besides my father is a serial—“

“Can I listen now please?” Lily asked very loudly, making you smile and you nodded so that she could uncover her ears as Mina pulled her to her lap to press a kiss into her hair, fixing her headband.

“Besides, Nolan won’t have something huge, right Nolan?”

“Yeah like… hundred people, maximum.” Nolan stated and you shook your head.

“Unbelievable,” you said, “I’m going outside to get some fresh air.”

You grabbed your cigarette pack from your purse, then made your way to the backyard while the table was still being set, and you lit your cigarette, closing your eyes for a moment, laughing to yourself.

You had already prepared a plan for your mom’s wedding but it didn’t mean you couldn’t whine about it.

You exhaled the smoke, then looked over your shoulder when someone touched the small of your back.

“Hey,” you smiled at Spencer, “Is everything okay?”

He swallowed thickly and nodded, “Uh huh,” he said, “Everything is fine. But um- Luke just called.”

“About tonight’s dinner?”

“No, about um…” he pursed his lips for a moment, “I’m only telling you this because you should hear this from me, not anyone else.”

“Oh God, what happened?” you pressed a hand over your chest, “Spencer, is everyone okay?”

“Yeah!” he said quickly, “Yeah, it’s not like that. It’s just um…”

“What?”

“Lincoln is dead.”

You gawked at him, trying to wrap your mind around it and ignoring the goosebumps on your skin. “I’m sorry?”

“There was an accident,” he said, “Apparently some inmates got into a fight, and while they were closing the doors, there was this glitch so his door didn’t close completely before someone could get into his cell.”

You blinked a couple of times, “A glitch,” you repeated, “What glitch?”

“It’s all automatic, the doors are connected to the security system.”

“What security system?”

He crossed his arms, “I didn’t ask—“

“Yes you did,” you said, “What security system?”

He didn’t even flinch. “Yates Security.”

“You can’t be serious,” you covered your mouth and he shrugged his shoulders, as if it meant nothing.

“These things happen.”

“They don’t just….” you trailed off “That wasn’t an accident, you know it as much as I do!”

“No actually, I don’t,” he said, “I just know that the FBI has no reason to investigate it further.”

You let out a breath, still staring up at him.

“Did you know?” you asked him, “That it would happen?”

“No,” he said, “But even if I knew, I wouldn’t have stopped it.”

You shook your head, “You don’t mean that.”

He let out a bitter laugh, “I do,” he said, “I really do. Hell, I’d help if I knew.”

“Spencer-“

“You don’t think I wanted to do that?” he cut you off, “While we were waiting for you?  I could’ve just gone to his room and make sure it was done. Make sure he wouldn’t wake up again— I was going to do it, Y/N. I stood up to go to his floor, right before a nurse told us that you were out of the surgery.”

You were supposed to feel guilt. You were supposed to feel something, but you knew what he meant. You knew that red haze of anger all too well, that was exactly how you had felt back at the cabin, when Lincoln had mentioned hurting Spencer.

“I… I need to talk to my mom, excuse me,” you said and made your way upstairs to your mother’s bedroom before you opened it.

“Oh welcome honey!” she said, putting her earrings on, “I’ll be right downsta—“

“Lincoln is dead,” you cut her off and she froze only for a moment before she shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, not a huge tragedy.”

“Mom.”

“I doubt anyone will miss that monster.”

“Nolan wouldn’t do it without you asking him,” you shook your head, “It was your idea, wasn’t it?”

She rolled her eyes, then looked at you. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Mom you—“ you lowered your voice, looking around before you took a step towards her, “I never asked you to do that. I would never. Me doing it is one thing, you doing it—“

“Is exactly the same thing,” she finished your sentence for you, “I made my decision while waiting for you to wake up, Y/N. Don’t feel bad about it.”

“I don’t feel bad about it!” you insisted, “That’s not it! But it’s my mess, you guys aren’t supposed to be involved in this—“

“Why did you go with Lincoln again?” she asked you, taking you by surprise, “You and I both know you were more than capable of taking him down. Remind me, why did you follow him to that cabin?”

That was more than enough to make you fall silent before you shifted your weight.

“I thought he had Lily.”

Your mother smiled slightly, “There you go.”

“Mom it’s different though!” you said through your teeth, “You and Mina—you guys don’t have it in you!”

“We all have it in us, Y/N,” she said, “When it comes to protecting the ones we love. I wasn’t going to let him hurt my daughter and get away with it. I don’t care who gets hurt in the process as long as my family survives.”

A silence fell upon you as she heaved a sigh.

“Let’s go downstairs, I’m starving!” she said and pressed a kiss on your cheek, then walked out of the room while you stood there, frozen.

Through the shock, your mind was slowly putting the pieces together.

When your father had threatened Spencer and you unleashed hell on him, that look in his eyes wasn’t just intimidation. It was a familiar fear because he had seen your mother in you, that was why he was shocked that much.

Contrary to everything he had said, you weren’t really his daughter.

You were your mother’s.

                                                     ***

You didn’t feel bad. In fact, you didn’t feel a damn thing about Lincoln’s death to be honest, this dinner with Spencer’s friends was of higher importance than that monster who had tormented you for months.

Prey dies, predator moves on, your father would say.

Or as your mother had said, as long as your family survived…

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked as he pulled over in front of a mansion that he had said belonged to Rossi, and you turned your head.

“Yeah,” you said, “Yeah, I’m just thinking.”

“About Lincoln?”

“Yeah,” you said, “It’s just that… I think I now understand that everyone has some red lines, right? Maybe I’m not that different than the rest. The rest just doesn’t really think about it, that’s all.”

Spencer tilted his head, “So in other words, I was right?”

“I didn’t say that,” you pointed at him as he grabbed the wine bottle and got out of the car with you, “Speaking of death, my mom and Nolan’s wedding will have one hundred guests.”

“Okay?”

“And they will make me plan it and I’ll die.”

“You won’t die.”

“My mom has the fury of ten brides combined,” you grumbled as you both walked to the mansion, “On a good day, if I may add.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I wish I were. Once I showed up to brunch wearing a silver ring,” you said, “She gave me a speech for a whole hour. An hour, Spencer!”

He let out a laugh and rang the doorbell as you shifted your weight, insecurity hitting you out of nowhere.

“Your whole team, you said?”

“And their spouses.”

“So no pressure at all,” you said, making him smile.

“You already know most of them.”

“Yeah but it’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“Well it’s—“ you started, but then the door opened and Garcia squealed at the sight of you two.

“Finally!” she hugged you carefully and then pulled you both into the mansion, “We were wondering where you two were!”

“Can we eat now that they’re here?” Luke called out and Garcia shook her head.

“Unbelievable, honestly,” she said as you followed her to the living room. Everyone was already there, and you greeted them, then Garcia introduced you to Matt’s wife and JJ’s husband before leading you to the kitchen where Rossi was cooking.

You hadn’t really had chance to talk to him a lot during the case, but you guessed it was a good sign that he had allowed Spencer to bring you there, considering everyone in there was either in the team or their spouses.

“Hi,” you smiled at him while Garcia and Luke bickered about food, and the man who was talking to a woman by the corner of the kitchen looked up, then both of them approached you.

“Pretty boy!” he greeted Spencer and Spencer hugged him.

“Hi Derek,” he said with a huge smile, “Savannah.”

“And this must be the girl you kept calling me to get some advice about,” he said and offered his hand, “Derek Morgan.”

“Oh I heard so much about you!” you said as you shook his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Not as much as I heard about you,” he said, “This is my wife, Savannah.”

“Hi,” you shook hands with her as well and Derek grinned.

“So now that you’re here, has he ever told you that he once called me at one in the morning to talk about you?”

You let out a laugh, looking up at Spencer who was rubbing the back of his neck, averting his gaze.

“Aw, that’s so cute,” you said, “What did he say?”

“Don’t.” Spencer shook his head fervently and Savannah raised her brows, then turned to Derek.

“Mmm, does this mean we can’t talk about the time he called me to help him decide which magnet looked better?”

Your jaw dropped, “Wait, what?”

“I suffered for two hours, you guys can’t whine about that!” Luke called out, “I was there with him in that damn shop!”

“I’m begging everyone in this kitchen to tell me more embarrassing stories.”

“Oh how about that time—“ Derek started but Spencer cleared his throat.

“Rossi, we brought wine!” he said loudly as he put the wine on the counter and Rossi tilted his head.

“I’m guessing the lady picked that,” he said and you smiled.

“Spencer mentioned you were making carbonara,” you said, “I um- I visited this small city in Italy couple of years back, and the cook there swore by this.”

Rossi stared at you and Derek let out a laugh,

“Yeah, you won him over just like that.”

“Where was it?”

“Parma.”

Rossi put the towel over his shoulder on the counter, “Please tell me you have tried torta fritta.”

“Are you kidding? I basically lived on that for the whole weekend!” you said and Rossi’s jaw dropped, “Seriously, I ate it for breakfast, and then for lunch with—“

“Rich people,” Luke shook his head as he reached out to get the wine bottle from the counter “But now I want to try it out.”

“Have you learned how to cook carbonara while you were there?” Rossi asked and you shook your head.

“Nah I don’t… I can’t cook. I know how to buy stuff but I don’t know anything about food aside from that.”

Luke frowned, “Your parents never taught you?”

“Not really. My mom taught me how to walk in heels and my dad taught me how to stab someone in the jugular.”

A silence fell upon the kitchen and you shifted your weight.

“Wrong crowd,” you murmured and Spencer pulled you closer to him while Luke shook his head.

“No, now we know that you were raised by wolves.”

“Newbie!” Garcia hissed, making him grin.

“This is why you’re no longer allowed to drive my car, Luke,” you said as Spencer rested his chin on top of your head, “No croissants for you either.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he shot back and Rossi clapped his hands together.

“Dinner is ready, everyone to the living room, come on.”

“Um- Derek, can I talk to you for a moment? And Luke?” Spencer asked and you looked up at him.

“If this is about embarrassing stories, I’m so going to find out.”

“Oh we can tell you,” Savannah motioned between her and Garcia and you grinned.

“Victory.”

“I’ll be right there,” Spencer said and you nodded, then walked to the living room with Rossi, Savannah and Garcia. You took your seat beside Garcia, and JJ frowned.

“Where’s Spencer?”

“Talking to Derek and Luke in the kitchen,” you said while Rossi put generous amounts of pasta in everyone’s plates, and Garcia squeezed your hand.

“I’m so glad you’re okay and here with us now,” she said, “We all are.”

You couldn’t help but smile at that, “Thank you,” you said, “It…it means a lot.”

“So, do you want to hear an embarrassing story?” Savannah asked and JJ turned to look at you two.

“We’re exchanging embarrassing stories?”

“About Spencer’s romantic side.”

JJ let out a laugh, “Oh I have a lot of them, if you’re interested.”

“I’m very interested,” you said and Savannah cleared her throat.

“So do I start with the one when he called Derek right before this…ball you were attending? Apparently he panicked because you looked too good and he didn’t know how to talk to you.”

Your jaw dropped, “You’re not serious.”

“He told me to fix his phone while you weren’t texting him, because he thought his phone was broken.” Garcia tipped her glass towards you as if toasting.

“Oh my God.”

“He walked into my desk when Luke was telling Tara about you.” JJ added and you let out a laugh.

“Am I dreaming?” you asked, “I’m begging you, please give me more stories like these, I thought I was the one who was a mess in the beginning.”

“Not at all, you should’ve seen the texts he sent me.”

That reminded you to check your phone, but then you remembered you had left it in the kitchen and you nibbled on your lip before pushing your chair back.

“Excuse me,” you said and approached the kitchen, the voices reaching you now.

“I just…” Spencer heaved a sigh, “I don’t think you understand.”

“I don’t?” Derek asked, “Spencer, you do realize that I went through the same thing, right?”

“I mean I didn’t,” Luke said, “But I still don’t think it’s that difficult, man.”

“See? He doesn’t understand the stress it puts you under, not me.” Derek said and Luke scoffed.

“You guys faced serial killers, that’s what scares you off?”

Ah. They were talking about changing jobs.

Of course Spencer was stressed about it. Derek had already left the BAU and Luke didn’t, and he wanted to get their opinion.

You knocked on the doorframe and cleared your throat before stepping inside.

“Sorry, I left my purse here,” you grabbed it off the counter and Spencer ran his hand through his hair.

“Oh it’s- it’s okay, we were done.”

“I’m starving.” Luke commented and Derek grinned, and both of them walked out of the kitchen, leaving you and Spencer there. He stared at you like he was almost hesitant and you tilted your head.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, and he cleared his throat.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” you stepped closer to him, “Because you know…changing jobs and all, it might be a little stressful.”

“What?” he asked as if he didn’t understand what you were talking about, then it dawned on him, “Ah no. No, I’m not stressed about that.”

“Then something else?” you asked, “Spencer, you can tell me anything, you know that right?”

He squeezed your hand and pulled you closer to wrap his arms around you, “Yeah, I know.”

“But you won’t,” you said with a smile, reaching out to smooth the lines of worry between his brows and he let out a breath.

“I will,” he said, “It’s just that um… not right now?”

“Okay. That’s alright, whenever you’re ready.”

He nodded, then pressed his lips on top of your head.

“I love you,” he mumbled into your hair and you ran your hand up and down over his arm, then pulled back,

“I love carbonara,” you said, making him laugh. “Come on, dinner is getting cold.”

                                                    ***

By the time you got home, it was already night time. You kicked off your heels and made your way to Spencer’s bedroom to change into an oversized shirt, then whined to yourself when you realized you still had make up on.

Well. That could wait until you checked your email.

Apparently, Kenzie had sent you a list of her colleagues that worked as assistants and you really needed to replace Erica with someone hopefully less tendencies to want you dead. You had left your laptop in the living room so you stretched out and made your way to the living room.

“I wish Kenzie could just decide on someone instead of me,” you said as Spencer took a deep breath, looking for something in his bag “It would make it so much easier. What are you looking for? Maybe I saw it around.”

Spencer looked over his shoulder, the look in his eyes softening almost immediately and a smile pulled at his lips.

“What?” you asked, and he held out his hand.

“Come here,” he said and you took his hand before you let him pull you closer.

“What’s happening, professor?” you giggled as he pushed your hair behind your ear.

“You’re so beautiful.”

“I know, it’s the eyeliner.”

“It really isn’t,” he said and a fire crept under your cheeks, making you scrunch up your nose.

“It’s the oxytocin,” you corrected yourself, making him laugh before he licked his lips and grabbed something from his bag.

“I..I got you something,” he handed you something that looked either like a notebook or a book wrapped in giftwrap and you gasped, snatching it out of his hand.

“Thank you! Can I open it now?”

“Yeah,” he sounded breathless for some reason as he stepped back and you turned around, carefully unwrapping it.

Paradise by Dante.

“Spencer…”

“It’s um- it’s a special edition,” he said from behind you, “You should check out the preface.”

You nodded fervently and opened the cover to see this preface, but Spencer’s handwriting caught your attention, and it took you a second to actually acknowledge what he had written on the page.

Will you marry me?

Your breath got caught in your throat and your heart started pacing in your chest, making you stare at the page for a couple of second with your jaw hanging before you looked over your shoulder, then turned around to see him on one knee, holding the tiny box which had the most gorgeous ring you had ever seen in it.

“Oh my God…” you heard yourself breathe out, tears already filling your eyes, “Yes!”

An almost giddy laughter escaped from his lips, “Can I- can I ask first?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I just— Spencer, how did you afford that ring? Not that it—just let me know if you robbed a bank. I feel like that’s something I might need to know.”

Spencer pulled his brows together, “For a person who specializes in weddings, you’re terrible at this part.”

“Because this part isn’t my specialty- just ask me so that I can say yes.”

He smiled as if he was hypnotized, then nodded.

“I um…” he cleared his throat, “I asked your family first because I know how much it means to you to have their blessing even if you pretend like it doesn’t matter,” he said, “And um- they all gave their blessing. Mina sat me down and threatened me for a full hour before that, but she did in the end.”

Jesus Christ, how had no one told you anything? Not even an implication?

“When we first met,” he said, “That morning, I didn’t… I don’t know what I expected, but not you. It was supposed to be just a case, up until that point it was like any other and then you showed up in that hallway and for a second, just for a second, everything got silent in my head. I wasn’t…I’m not very used to that.”

You bit at your lip, holding your breath.

“And then, when I saw you again you told me something about Dante and Beatrice. You said, he sees her as his savior, his light, his eternal love. Even if they weren’t together. It didn’t make sense before, I’d read Dante multiple times but I didn’t exactly understand the depth of love you could….feel for someone that changes you completely,” he smiled at you sweetly, “I do now.”

You could only stare at him,

“So…” he took a deep breath, “The lady who imparadises my mind. Will you marry me?”

You let out a teary laugh and nodded fervently, tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Yes,” you managed to say through a sob and he grinned, then stood up to put the ring on your finger, pulling you into a deep kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes.

“I love you so much,” you sniffled, wiping at your eyes, “God, you’re….this is perfect.”

His smiled widened and you pecked him on the lips again before hugging him tight and you buried your face into his chest, inhaling his scent.

You had been wrong earlier.

You would get to have your own fairytale ending after all. 

Epilogue

[stressedoutcanary]

Do You Ever Feel Like A Misfit (Everything Inside You Is Dark & Twisted)

Dick Grayson x Reader

Word Count: 3.5K (I don't know how tf that happened)

Warnings: Explicit language, Blood and Violence, lots of angst, Hurt/Comfort ✌

A/N: Guess who's back! Just for some context the reader is a magic user and her style is similar to that of Zatanna <3

•°•°•°•°

She’d have reasoned with herself that stealing from one of the most secure and heavily guarded safe-houses of a deranged sociopath was probably not the brightest idea she’s had all day. It never even made it on her to-do-list for the weekend, but here she was, running across rooftops, holding on to the stolen totem like her life depended on it, it probably did. The three assassins sent after her were no Lady Shiva or Talia Al Ghul but they weren’t exactly amateurs either. The deep cuts and two broken ribs she got from their earlier encounter were proof of that.

She glanced back and even though there was no sign of her would-be-killers she knew better than to assume they’d just let her be. They were sticking to the shadows, exploiting her blind spots. The only thing she was sure of was that they were still hot on her trail and would happily plunge a dagger into her back given the opportunity.

She was right. As of this moment she hated being right.

She caught the glint of the two sharp objects slicing through the air, hurtling towards her at full speed. A slight shift of her upper body was all she could manage as one of the daggers got embedded right into her scapula while the other one, fortunately so, whirled past her, slightly grazing her left hip. The impact of the blade on her shoulder made her lose what little balance she had left. Despite her best efforts, when the wounded shoulder made contact with the hard concrete, a loud, ear-piercing cry ripped out from her throat before she could push it back down.

Cursing under her breath she knew, she knew all she had were those few seconds of numbness and disorientation to get a grip and figure out her exit strategy. However, all her hopes started to sink as she saw one of the assassins come closer, appearing more of a blur than a person. Then again that was probably because of the nice, little concussion she got from her fall. The assassin walked over to her, unsheathed their sword and placed it right on her neck, blocking any and every way out.

“You were warned. The Demon’s Head does not tolerate treachery. We are here under his orders to bring back the totem along with the witch’s head; your head”

If she could, she would’ve rolled her eyes at the classic villainous dialogues thrown at her.

“Witch? Who’re you calling a witch Snow White? I’m clearly a sorceress, don’t they teach you the difference between the two in assassin school or something? Hell, I’d even let you call me an enchantress, though that name’s already been taken but you get my poin-” 

The remaining words died in her throat as the sword on her neck shifted slightly. She knew she had extremely poor self preservation skills considering she’s clearly been instigating the very person sent to kill her, but even she wasn’t dumb enough to keep talking when the tiniest movement on either part could result in her having a severed jugular or carotid. 

‘This is a pretty shitty way to die’ 

She thought back to how she used the last of her mystic energy to hide the totem away before her fall and how stupid that decision really was because now she could actually feel the agonizing pain coming from her shoulder. It started to spread throughout her back like wildfire, eyelids grew heavy against her wishes. Suddenly she felt really tired and the idea to close her eyes just felt so goddamn appealing. 

‘No (Y/N) that’s the blood loss talking. Blood loss doesn’t get to make decisions’, she mentally scolded herself, still not breaking her eye contact with the person standing above her.

“Give us what you stole and we shall grant you the mercy of a quick death.”

That made her raise an eyebrow, “Ah, lemme think...the correct response here would be…”, she hummed, making a show of how hard she was thinking about the offer she was granted, “How about a fuck you? How would that do for you?”, she gave them a vicious grin, it was all teeth.  They probably weren’t impressed by her response and it showed.

She knew there was no way out but she had promised herself once that if she were to die, that if she ever goes out, she’d be anything but a whimpering and sobbing mess. She was scared shitless, more so than she’d ever been while fending off the league, she won’t deny that but she would rather die than let them know that.  ‘Well at least I got that ‘rather die’ part down to a T.’ she thought, eyeing the sharpness of the blade which was now raised up in the air

She felt bad for just giving up the way she did. Her whole life she was told to fight her way through the impossible, to attain the strength rivaling that of Zatanna Zatara, John Constantine and Doctor Fate himself. To be better than them, and there she was lying on the ground limp as a sword came down on her throat; all for a silly necklace. She would’ve huffed out a laugh if only her ribs weren’t broken, if only her body wasn’t screaming in pain, if only she had a way out. She didn’t. She was too tired, too drained, too numb to do anything else. Closing her eyes she stopped fighting, she let her growing unconsciousness claim her.

‘This is what you deserve anyway’, her barely there conscience remarked.

‘Fuck you too.’ she replied.

Everything went pitch black. The darkness encompassing her was peaceful, unlike the pain she had felt before. It was nice for a change. It sounded pathetic  but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

•°•°

 When she came to, the first thing she observed was the feeling of something soft against her back, next was a dull rhythmic sound which she realized was her own heartbeat. Though opening her eyes was a tiring task. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. She used all the energy she had into it and her eyelids fluttered open. She stared at the white ceiling and stayed like that for a few seconds; a few minutes? She couldn’t tell, but the pain was back now, not too much but enough to tell her it was there, to tell she was still alive.

She saw something shift in her peripheral vision and her body instinctively went stiff. Her mind which was blank before now ran in all directions.

‘Could be Ra’s Al Ghul… Could be worse’, she tried not to think about the worst case scenario, but she knew she had pissed off a lot of beings, beings far more powerful and far crueler than Ra’s himself. An involuntary shudder passed through her at the thought. That must’ve caught her captor’s attention as she felt the person move closer to her. Begrudgingly, she tore her gaze from the spot on the ceiling which she had been staring at this whole time and tilted her head. The man in black and blue who appeared, was probably the last person she had expected to see.

“Nightwing…”

Her voice was barely above a whisper and the hoarseness with which it came out it took her by surprise, but her body visibly relaxed at the sight of the familiar figure, at the sight of someone who would never hurt her.  

She watched him pull out a chair from the desk nearby. He sat next to the bed she was lying on and gave her a soft smile, a smile that spelled one word ‘relieve’. She remembered how when she first met him two years ago, she found that particular smile extremely annoying, she had no reason to, but she did. What she couldn’t remember was when she had grown so fond of it.

“How do you feel?”

“Like shit.”

He snorted a laugh which made her pout. She was planning to point out how he was being mean; laughing at her when her response truly defined the way she was feeling, but any words she thought of were cut off by the change in his expression. His smile faltered, lips were now pressed in a thin line, face contorted in a way which showed his genuine concern.

“This is the second time, this week.”

That you almost died, he didn’t say. That I had to save you and bring you back from the clutches of death, he didn’t say.

“I know.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“I know.”

The silence that settled, stretched far too long for comfort, but she wasn’t going to be the one to break it. She wanted to, but there was nothing she could say, that would make it better. Nightwing ran his fingers through the locks of hair, burying his face in his hands.

For the first time since she woke up, she took in his appearance, he looked disheveled,  his suit was torn in different places along visible faint cuts, most likely he got them when he rescued her. She felt a pang of guilt rising in her chest. He risked his life for her, she knew he had done it before, she didn’t get it then and she didn’t get it now. Why would someone do that? Why would he? She was pulled back from her spiraling thoughts when he spoke again, exhaustion evident in his voice.

“Why are you so reckless?”

“Excuse me?”

She looked at him like he had grown another head. She wasn’t ready for this conversation but by the looks of it they were gonna have it anyway.

“What if I hadn’t been there today? Or any of the other days you almost died. What then?”

“My best guess? I would’ve been dead.”

“And that fact doesn’t bother you at all?!”

She flinched at little when his voice rose, but she stood her ground, at least figuratively since she was still in bed.

“I don’t know, should it?” She didn’t try and tone down the venom dripping from her words. Her words cut deeper than the wounds he got from the assassins; she saw it clear as day on his face. She let out a deep sigh but continued. She had to get it out and he had to hear it, that’s the reason she gave herself for the confession that followed.

“I don’t need your help, Dick. I don’t know what gave you the impression that I did but I’ve never needed it.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘Why was it getting harder to speak?’ “I don’t need you to save me every time. I don’t need you to risk your life for me and I definitely don’t…” She moved to sit up straight, her back resting on the headboard. She shifted her gaze on her open palms resting in her lap; palms covered in blood, in her blood, not very long ago.

“I don’t need you to care...”

The last part was a whisper and Dick was silent, so silent that for a brief moment she wondered if the man she’d come to care about even heard her, admitting something that was so painful for her to say out loud.

Dick moved to sit beside her, his shoulder bumping hers. He didn’t know where all this was coming from but he knew better to leave it unattended.

“(Y/N) I help you because I care about you. I always will, you know that.”

“Why? You have nothing to gain from it”, blinking back the unshed tears in her eyes, she looked at him with a hurt expression as if she couldn’t bring herself to understand.

“Why… as in why do I care?”, Dick tilted his head to look her in the eyes, trying to understand what she meant all the while making sure not to let his own surprise at her words show. She nodded not trusting her voice to not betray her anymore than it already had.

“I don’t care about you because I feel like you need it nor because I would gain something from it”, Dick knew he shouldn’t have to explain it to her. He briefly wondered what she had gone through to make her think that she needed to be useful to be cared for or that she had to need it to be cared for. He felt something pull at his heart at the thought; It was sorrow.

“I care about you because… well I do and there’s nothing you could or couldn’t do to change that. And it is because I care about you that I ask you to be better at taking care of yourself. Now I know for a fact that whatever you stole from The League’s safehouse definitely did not belong there, but I also know that whatever it was, it wasn’t worth your life (Y/N) It never will be.”

Dick grasped one of her hands, interlacing his gloved fingers with hers; she hadn’t even realized she was shaking until he did so. Closing her eyes, she forced herself to take a deep breath despite her protesting ribs. Opening the palm of her free hand she muttered an incantation with practiced ease

“Eveirter tahw saw neddih “, her hand glowed, the golden aura taking the shape of a object. When the light subsided, Dick saw the object in her palm as she rubbed her thumb across it, quietly leaning her head on his shoulder.

“It was this totem. It belongs to Madame Xanadu. Don’t know what Ra’s wanted it for though”, she shrugged as best as she could with an injured shoulder then continued, voice firmer than it had been the whole evening,“ She asked me to retrieve it in exchange for information on a girl I was looking for. The girl was somehow sucked into some other dimension, a mystic one and her mother was so desperate when she approached me that I just couldn’t say no. So when I say the Totem was important, then I want you to know that it really is.”

Dick shook his head at that. “Still not worth your life.”

“Dick…”, she sighed. It was all she could do at the moment because she was really getting tired from all the arguing.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

“You mean the time I met the infamous vigilante Nightwing in a dumpster of all places.”

“In my defense I was badly injured”, she hummed in agreement.

“You smelled bad”

“You try smelling like flowers after falling from a building and into an open dumpster.”

His playful grumbling pulled a short laugh out of her. She was more than a little confused at the sudden trip into the past but happily accepted it as a change of topic. She should’ve know better than to think he’d have let the matter go.

“Anyway my point is when you saw me that day, you first instinct was to help me. You pulled me out and used your magic to heal my wounds. You didn’t have to. You could’ve dropped me at a hospital. You could’ve even walked away and pretended that you never saw me, but you didn’t. Why is that?”

“Because I thought you were handsome?”, she said trying to lighten this too-heavy-for-comfort conversation he was trying to have.

“Nice try. I know you. You saved me because you cared. You helped me and the Titans save the city more than once because you cared. It is who you are. I’ve seen you care about and worry over complete strangers without conditions. So why do you think that there has to be some kind of a barter system when it comes to you? Why think that I would want to gain something if I cared about you?”

“Because everyone else did.”

The words shot out from her mouth quicker than she realized. She had voiced her greatest insecurity to the one person who never had anything to add to it and Dick’s heart clenched at the implications of her words, ‘She has never been loved unconditionally before’ his brain provided.

The tears she blinked back earlier came back with full force. She felt two strong arms that wrapped around her, all the while being mindful of her injuries. Dick pulled her into a hug and that was it. She couldn’t control the sobs that tore through her throat, the pain in her body flared due her erratic movements. She knew once the tears started flowing they wouldn’t stop at least not for a while, but now that her façade had been broken she couldn’t bring herself to give it another thought.

He waited for her to let it out, let out all the pent up emotions she had. Now that he thought about it he had never seen her cry. He never questioned it, maybe he should’ve.

“I don’t know who’s responsible for hurting you (Y/N), God, how much I wish I did”, his arms slightly tighten around her at that. “I am so sorry that you have felt like you have to have your walls up all the time, even around me and I should’ve seen that, I should’ve realized that before but I didn’t and I am so sorry for that. I can’t undo the damage you’ve endured and I will not pretend that I can. What I can do is promise you that I’d never let you down like that, never.”

The words he spoke were clear. He didn’t try to tell her to put her walls down, to trust him when she had no reason to. He also didn’t need to justify himself or make such over the top promises but it felt nice to hear it. She had already stopped crying the moment he started speaking again but she still had her forehead pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, it was calming in a way she couldn’t describe. She pulled her head back to look at him, and the honesty in his voice earlier matched the one in his eyes.

“Okay”

Hearing her response, he gave her his signature grin. It sent unexpected warmth through her, he always had that effect on her. She was sure she was just blushing at this point and was suddenly thankful for the dim lighting in the room. 

She ended up composing herself rather quickly, jabbing a finger at his armored chest with her usual smirk plastered on her face.

“Now that you’ve made that promise, know this, Dick Grayson, if you let me down I will drop a mountain on you.”

“You mean that figuratively?”

“No I mean that geologically”, he waited for her to say she was kidding. She didn’t.

“Alright, alright”, He held his hands out in mock surrender. After considering the look in her eyes, Dick refrained from questioning the feasibility of that action nor did he want to question her magical abilities or intent. Last he remembered, Wally did that and that conversation ended with him being teleported to Sahara and Dick would very much like to avoid the same fate as his best friend.

Deciding that was more than enough exhaustion for one night, he got up from the bed and kissed her goodnight, informing her that he’d be sleeping on the couch so that he wouldn’t accidently hit her injuries in his sleep. She agreed and watched him slip out of the room before falling into the blissful sleep she had been putting off since forever.

•°•°

She knew Dick Grayson was full of surprises but the next morning when he put forward the offer of become a full time Titan, in front of her, she wondered if she fell from the bed in her sleep and ended up  getting another concussion because he was so not making any sense.

“So let me get this straight, you want me to come live with you and your superhero friends, in the Titans freaking Tower?!”

“I was hoping for a little less yelling after an emotional evening but yes that is exactly what I’m asking.”

“Dick that’s just ridiculous!”

“Look, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

He looked like a kicked puppy which made her feel kinda guilty for all the yelling.

“It’s not that…It’s just there is still a lot about me I haven’t told them. There is still a lot I haven’t told you. I don’t see a reason why you all would want to trust a possible threat, let alone live with it”, she gestured to herself.

Dick felt like there was a deeper meaning behind her words, as if she was voicing her own fear rather than theirs but he trusted her enough to tell him about it when she was ready, on her own terms. He could wait till then but for now he crossed the short distance between them, going around the breakfast table till he stood in front of her. He grasped both of her hands in his and ran his thumb soothingly across her knuckles. He bent down to place a soft kiss on her forehead, and then moved to meet her gaze.

“(Y/N), I know you and I trust you and…It sounds silly considering I was raised by the worlds greatest detective but I believe that you don’t have to know every little detail about someone as long as you already know what’s in their heart.” Bruce probably would’ve disagreed but he wasn’t Bruce.

“And you know what’s in mine?”

“And I know what’s in yours.” His statement was firm and left no room for argument, not when it came to this.

“If you’re sure about this, then I guess...”

“Is that a yes I’m hearing?”, There was that smile again, seriously what was up with him and his smile that made her giddy inside.

In between thoughts she realized he was still waiting for a response so she nodded. Any underlying doubts she had about her answer vanished when she took in how happy it made him. As cheesy as it sounded seeing him happy made her happy. A part of her said it wouldn’t last long, but seeing her boyfriend hop onto the couch full of joy as he called his friends about the latest development in their lives, she wanted to believe otherwise.    

°•°•°•°•

[seriouslysnape]

Miscommunication (pt.2)

James Potter x Remus Lupin x Sirius Black x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Language. Poly! relationship. 

A/N: Part 1 is here!

Word Count: 3,376

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

It had been three weeks since you had stormed out of the boys’ dorm in a scurry of anger. It had also been three weeks since you had touched, talked to, or even spared Sirius a passing glance. As far as you were concerned, he didn’t even exist. Despite your dramatic exit, Sirius was confident that you’d crack soon enough and come running back to him, begging for forgiveness. But the more time that passed, the more that he was beginning to realize that might not be the case.

In a general sense, life continued on as it always had. You walked through the Hogwarts’ corridors with the three Gryffindors, laughing at James’ jokes and blushing red under Remus’ kisses. You gave all your love and time to James and Remus, not offering Sirius a drop of your attention. 

He tried to ignore it. He tried to brush it off like it didn’t bother him and like it didn’t make a difference whether you were with him or not. His attempts to drown you out the way you had been drowning him out were successful at first, but it only took about a week for him to realize how much this was killing him.

In the mornings, you woke James or Remus up (depending on whose bed you slept in the night before) with bubbly kisses and sweet giggles, something that you had always done for all three of the boys’ wake up calls. Sirius had gone almost 23 days (but not like he was COUNTING or anything) since he had any kind of interaction with you.

No cuddles.

No hugs.

No kisses.

Nothing.

The whole situation put James and Remus into a bit of an awkward position. You were on great terms with the two of them, considering they hadn’t insulted you and invalidated your feelings right in your face. This was a difficult challenge to tackle, because they felt guilty for continuing to love up on you when Sirius wasn’t getting his usual share. This was a rather particular arrangement that had taken lots of trial and error to make the right adjustments. Now that the balance had been thrown off, the whole thing didn’t feel right.

James and Remus had both tried to convince you to talk things out with Sirius. They knew that deep down this wasn’t what you wanted, and things couldn’t go on like this forever. James and Remus knew Sirius better than anybody. They were fully aware that Sirius was regretting what he had done and was kicking himself for it...even if Sirius wouldn’t show it or admit to it. 

Sirius was beginning to lose precious sleep over this. He tossed and turned in his bed that had grown so lonely without you. His arms felt so empty not being wrapped around you, holding you snugly to his body. Suddenly, he didn’t have anyone to help him with his Potions homework or someone to remind him about his Transfiguration exam coming up. He didn’t have the girl that completed the complex puzzle that was Sirius Black. He felt so unfinished without you.

He missed you.

But his pride was winning out.

“How’s the brat today?” Sirius questioned dryly, not even looking up from his Herbology textbook in his lap.

“Sirius.” Remus and James echoed, clearly displeased at Sirius’ cold name for you.

Over the last three weeks, Sirius would ask about you when you weren’t around and he was alone with the boys. He would ask how you were doing, but what he really wanted to know was if you had said anything about him or given any indications that you were close to giving in. James and Remus were growing impatient with Sirius. They had tried to step back, allowing both yourself and Sirius to have time to allow your fog of frustration to air out. They had hoped that Sirius would come around to realize that he had been wrong in all kinds of ways, and you both could work it out on your own.

Between stepping all over your feelings like they were a sidewalk and calling you a bitch for being rightfully upset, Sirius had one too many strikeouts on his record.

“What? If she’s going to act like a child, then I’ll treat her like one.” Sirius growled.

James crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in the chair that he was sitting in by the common room’s fireplace. Remus watched the two of them from over the rim of his cup that contained his favorite hot tea. 

“She’s hurt, Sirius. You hurt her,” James snarled, eyebrows furrowed in agitation, “I don’t blame her for not wanting to talk to you.”

“Did you not hear the things she said to me? She was totally out of line.” Sirius argued, his demeanor going rigid and his defensive mode kicking into high gear.

“Because you pushed her too hard,” Remus cut in, “She has every right to be upset.”

Sirius was shocked that they were taking your side over his. You were never allowed to speak to any of them the way you had talked to Sirius that day. You weren’t allowed to talk back, get an attitude, touch yourself without permission, as well as other rules that had been established early on in the relationship. They all took the rules very seriously, and the fact that James and Remus were brushing it off was mind boggling to Sirius.

“I didn’t push her at all. She caught an attitude with me.” Sirius remarked tossing his textbook aside.

“Because you don’t always treat her the way you should,” Remus snapped, “All she wanted was for you to listen and talk to her.” 

“Do I not already do enough for her? I walk her to class, I let her sleep with me, not to mention that I fuck her pretty much whenever she wants,” Sirius pointed out, “And now I’m still not doing enough?”

James shook his head, sighing harshly. He was disappointed that he still wasn’t getting it. 

“She’s our girl, Padfoot. She responds so well to Moony and me because she knows how much we love her,” James explained, “You’ve got to start treating her like you love her.”

Sirius’ hardened features went light at what James was saying. He looked between his two best friends, who were sharing matching expressions of urgency. Sirius felt a sickening feeling creeping into his stomach that he could feel all the way up into his throat. Had you gone this whole time thinking that he didn’t love you like the other two did?

“But...I do love her.” Sirius spoke, almost in a whisper.

James and Remus looked at one another briefly, a bit relieved that he was maybe starting to see clearly now.

“She doesn’t know that. You’re going to lose her for good if you don’t change some things, Pads.” Remus added once he saw that Sirius was beginning to have a serious breakthrough moment.

That surely got Sirius’ attention. That wasn’t something he wanted at all. It made his heart hurt even to think about possibly never being with you again. He had to fix this, no matter what he had to do or say.

He just hoped that it wasn’t too late.

The remorse and the contrition that he was feeling that had been building up in him over the last three weeks was finally seeping through the cracks of the surface. It was like a fire that just kept spreading and spreading until the only thing he could see were the hot, orange flames and black smoke that would suffocate him if he breathed in too hard. It was like a switch had flipped. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t care about his pride or his image or his dignity. 

He just wanted you back.

So, the boys began to devise a plan. Sirius admitted that he didn’t know how to even begin apologizing to you. He wasn’t great with apologies, considering that even the word ‘sorry’ probably had only fallen from his mouth only a couple of times in his life. This was going to take some calculation and planning to get it right. 

You had been doing a bang up job of ensuring that you weren’t ever alone with Sirius. You made sure that either James or Remus was by your side whenever you were in Sirius’ presence, to avoid being forced to speak to him. Remus and James were confident that they could get you two in a room alone together. That was the easy part. The hard part would fall to Sirius, which came down to the actual apology.

James and Remus knew you’d be suspicious if Sirius apologized first. You’d likely only think he was apologizing because he was touch starved and wanted sex, not because he cared about you and was terrified of losing you. In their eyes though, as long as he was honest and didn’t lose his cool, you’d be able to see his real intentions.

Remus had told you to meet him in their dorm, and that no one would be there until later in the day. That seemed pretty normal to you, so you didn’t even give it a second thought. The dorm was empty when you arrived, prompting you to slip out of your uniform and into one of Remus’ sweaters all while getting comfortable on his bed. Shortly after you were settled, the three boys congregated just outside the door, whispering in their semi-circle formation.

“You got this, mate. Just be normal and be honest,” James instructed, “I guarantee you that she’s missing you just as much.”

Sirius was nervous. Not because he didn’t know what to say or what to do, but because he had half convinced himself that you had already decided he wasn’t worth your time anymore. He couldn’t live with himself if he was the reason you had left him.

“We’ll be out here just in case you need us,” Remus piped up, “It’s gonna be fine, Pads.”

James and Remus gave Sirius reassuring grins as Sirius took a deep breath before turning the knob of the door. He entered the small dorm room, his heart fluttering when he saw you sitting on Remus’ mattress. Your head snapped up, your face full of delightful expectation for Remus, but it faded just as fast as it came when you saw it was Sirius. He definitely noticed, but tried not to take it to heart. Your eyes were locked in with his, and you could already tell something was up.

“Hey.” Sirius said plainly, and in a bit of a squeak.

“Hi.” You replied.

He was honestly surprised that you actually gave him an answer. He thought you might’ve ignored him completely. The joyous relief that he felt from you actually talking to him was almost enough to send him to his knees, pleading for you to give him another chance. 

His gaze did shift to the book that was placed next to you. It was your Herbology textbook, the same one that Sirius had been studying from earlier that day.

“Studying for Herbology?” Sirius asked, but obviously that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about.

“Yeah,” You answered, unsure of what exactly was happening, “I was just waiting for Remus.”

Sirius nodded, avoiding the sting that burned in his chest at the reminder that he hadn’t truly seen you in almost a month. You looked so comfortable in the large sweater and the blanket that was draped over your lap. Your hair was slightly messy from the breeze outside that you had walked through to get here. Your skin was glowing from the warmth of their room and the sudden interaction you were having with Sirius.

You looked perfect to him.

He knew he needed to say something now. He needed to kick start this conversation before things got awkward and weird. Although, he never minded silence as long as he had you to occupy his every thought. All the things that he had planned to say were abruptly wiped from his mind. He was going out on a limb here, totally about to wing this. He just had to go for it.

“Can I sit?” He questioned, referring to the slight open space next to you.

You nodded hesitantly, shifting over so he could have a little more room. He sat down just about a foot in front of you, both of you turning to face each other. James and Remus were just outside the door, their ears pressed up against the door to be sure they didn’t miss anything.

Sirius looked at you for a few moments, taking in your curious, attentive behavior. He took a breath, and spoke again, but it came out as more of a ramble.

“Baby, I know I’ve hurt your feelings. I didn’t want or mean to hurt your feelings, but sometimes I just say stupid shit and then I’m too proud to admit that I said something stupid and...” He trailed off when he realized that so far he wasn’t saying anything that you didn’t already know. 

This was yet another reminder that Sirius wasn’t a great talker. But he wanted to let you know the things that you didn’t already know. He wanted you to know that he was truly sorry. He was sorry for ever making you feel like you weren’t worth anything to him. 

He wanted you to know that you were his world.

“I miss you,” He began again, preparing for any possible reaction from you,  “I’m sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry that I hurt you...I never, ever wanted to do that.”

Your silence wasn’t because you weren’t believing what he was saying or because you didn’t want to listen. You were silent because you were floored that this was happening. Never in a million years did you think that you’d be sitting here listening to a real, heartfelt apology from Sirius Black. The thought of you leaving him had really scared him, and you could see it.

“I know I’m different from Moony and Prongs. They’re a bit better at this than I am,” He admitted, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

Truth be told, you weren’t really mad at Sirius anymore. You could never stay angry at him. Your whole avoid-Sirius-at-all-costs routine hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park for you either. There were several times where you were tempted to just let it go and forget about it. But now you were glad that you hadn’t done that, because you would’ve lost this opportunity to understand one another a little better.

“All I had wanted that day was to talk to you. I like talking to you,” You explained, “I just get frustrated when you don’t want to listen and the only thing you can think about is fucking me.”

Sirius sighed, his eyes diverting to his hands that were fiddling with the edge of the blanket in your lap. He had known that the other two boys were right, but hearing it come from you made him feel even more guilty.

“I know. I guess I’m just not good at talking. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just...not what I’m good at. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t important,” Sirius confessed, “But I do love you. And I don’t want to go another day without you.”

Another silence filled the room, one that had Sirius’ heart pounding in his chest. He felt like his entire life was on the line. Like, his entire fate was resting on whatever you were going to say or do next. You had every right to get up and walk out and never speak to him again. He knew he had crossed so many lines so many times that it was a wonder you were still here. He just hoped that you’d give him another chance. He hoped that he deserved another chance.

You were starstruck. You were completely touched and moved by what he had said. Maybe it wasn’t the most flawless apology ever. Maybe it was a little rough around the edges with a couple of hiccups. But deep down it was true, honest, and pure. 

Just like the Sirius Black that you had come to love.

He didn’t have anything else to say, and he hoped that what he had said was enough. Your warm hand came to his face, his head lulling into your palm when you brought his worried eyes to look at you once more. 

“I love you. I promise you don’t have to go without me anymore.” You smiled, accepting his apology and offering your forgiveness.

All color returned to Sirius’ face, his shoulders relaxing and his chest releasing a bated breath. You captured his lips into a needy kiss, one that was nothing short of long awaited. Sirius’ hands came to the side of your neck, his blood pumping in his ears. He had missed this. 

He had missed you.

He was even more thrilled when you crawled over into his lap, his hands guiding your legs around him as he refused to let you go from his lips. Although, when the other two boys came bursting in, your hot make out session was forced to a halt. They came in as if they had no idea what was going on, fake surprised expressions plastered on their faces.

“Well, hello there.” James chided with a smirk.

“Did we miss something?” Remus asked.

You and Sirius only laughed, as the four of you crammed together on Remus’ bed. Sirius continued to pepper kisses wherever he could while you craned your head to look at James as he spoke.

“So, I guess the two of you got things worked out?” James acquired. 

“We sure did.” You smiled, giggling when Sirius’ kisses brushed against a particularly sensitive spot on your neck.

Your lips found his again, Sirius leaning you back onto the mattress and keeping secured there. When your breathing began to get heavy and your noises became a little hungrier, James and Remus announced their exit.

“Well, I suppose Prongs and I will leave you to it.” Remus winked.

Sirius broke the kiss only to respond, but that didn’t stop you from leaning upwards to suck on his pulse point, not even phased by what Remus had said.

“You two aren’t going to stick around?” Sirius wondered, groaning as your hips rolled into his quickly hardening dick through his pants.

James shrugged.

“We’ll let it slide this time,” He said triumphantly, ushering Remus out the door, “Besides, the two of you have some catching up to do.”

Sirius let out a guttural laugh as he took a moment to look down at you. You looked so beautiful sprawled out underneath him; your lips swollen from the kissing and your eyes blown with lustful expectation. He knew he’d never be able to take you for granted again.

“My pretty girl...” He mewled, “I love you. A million times over I’ll tell you that I love you.”

“I love you, Siri,” You hummed, swiping a loose piece of hair from his forehead, “Now make me cum the way I know you know how to.”

Sirius chuckled lowly at your boldness, his pupils dilating at the flush of arousal that sent through him. You knew better than to tell him how to run his show, but he knew this was a special occasion, so he didn’t mind taking an order or two. 

“Well, now, what happened to ‘sex doesn’t fix everything’?” Sirius joked.

“It doesn’t, but we already fixed what needed to be fixed by talking,” You smiled, “Now we just both get something we want.”

Sirius laughed out loud, continuing his shower of kisses and swiping your skirt off in one swift move, your body squirming with anticipation. He felt confident that things would be better now. He was more than thankful that he had another shot at this. He was happy he had you back, and the four of you could go back to normal.

And now things would be even better than before.

***

Tags: @justadreamyhufflepuff​ @satellitespidey​ @blackpinkdolan​ @gubleryum​ @gxtitobxby​ @risingtripletaurus​​

[stellocchia]

Since I really enjoyed yesterday's stream I decided to do one of my overly long analysis on it

So, here's my analysis of (DSMP LORE) Healthy Competition

Dialogues will be color-coded as usual, so here's what I used: Phil, Wilbur, Ranboo

As always I am incapable of brevity, so everything's under the cut

The stream starts with a conversation between Phil and Wilbur in which Wilbur admits that he hasn't been to visit Phil in a while, which makes Phil's later threat about throwing him out feel that much more ridiculous since Wilbur clearly doesn't really live with him either way...

"Alright, it's got one for Phil, one for Ranboo, and one for Techno. Is that all that live here? Just you three?" "Yep, just us three, just chilling"

The only reason why I'm singling this out is that it was right after the mention of Techno's birthday and Wilbur was pointing at the seats occupied by the 4 members of the Syndicate so it feels slightly weird that Niki wasn't mentioned at all. But also it's technically not a lie, she doesn't live there and she only comes around for the Syndicate meetings.

Another thing to add is that Wilbur did notice the chest Ranboo left for him and consciously decided to ignore it.

"I must admit I've come to you with a bit of a- a bit of a proposition. You're into propositions Phil? Are you a bit of a 'propositions' kinda guy?" "Oh, depends, depends. You- you've had some pretty... let- let's just say, uh- not- not a great track record on propositions that you've had in the past" "Alright... I mean, I'm trying to move past that"

I wonder what exactly Phil is referring to here. Because, like, Wilbur did bad things, don't get me wrong, but what's his track record with "propositions" in particular? Because he isn't talking about "Tommy, let's be the bad guys" here since he doesn't know about that. Is he talking about Wilbur founding L'Manburg? But then again, I don't think Wilbur interpreted it that way. I think that, from Wilbur's reaction, he clearly interpreted it as a jab at him exploding L'Manburg (which is the one thing he's trying to move past) which would be extremely hypocritical from Phil since he did the exact same thing but worse.

Also, I really do think that Wilbur is trying to move forward. He's lonely and he has the lowest possible opinion of himself so it doesn't feel weird that he'd want to move on. He isn't putting the work in it right now and he hasn't really changed, but he does seem to want to (though I think he may not know how).

"He [Quackity] didn't seem afraid of me, which is cool. Not many people- I mean you don't seem afraid of me. You aren't afraid of me, are you Phil?" (little look into Wilbur's mind and his fear of isolation once again. And this is fear of isolation, he's worried that other people are afraid of him and therefore are only waiting for him to step out of line so that all their fears would be confirmed)

"'Cause I'm not afraid of you [Phil]" (bold words for someone who spent who knows how long lying to his dad because of a crippling fear of disappointment...)

"Technoblade spent his entire time taking down the establishments, what he left is, as predicted, a power vacuum for a new establishment to come in" (in case it wasn't obvious, Wilbur is not the biggest fan of anarchy. And he actually got this one criticism spot on, indeed all taking down L'Manburg did was getting 4 new governmental-like structures to sprout in its place)

"Phil, I want to make a burger van" *Phil sighs and walks away* (I'm more sure now that Phil really meant "creating L'Manburg" as Wilbur's bad track record with propositions)

Wilbur repeating 4 times that he has no ulterior motive with the burger van managed to make me think the exact opposite. That said that ulterior motive may just be to create a safe little home for himself and Tommy for all we know honestly. Also, the whole thing with Phil trying to convince his grown-ass kid to go play with the neighbor kid and Wilbur throwing a tantrum in response was hilarious...

"If he's [Ranboo] shit you gotta come help me okay? If he's shit you've gotta come be burger boy with me, okay?" (he still is mistrustful to an extreme and pretty childish admittedly)

"Why is he [Phil] treating me like a kid?! Why is he treating me like a little baby?" (remembering how Wilbur treated Fundy I think it may be a family problem)

Another interesting thing to point out is that Wilbur was openly scared of the spider attacking him here, and fights it off, but he doesn't move away from the explosion later on and he didn't move away from the exploding creepers last stream. Other people already made this connection, but I do think it may be a sort of way to punish himself. Specifically, it's brought up later on that he thinks he got off easy for what he did, so he's using what he hurt others with (explosions) to hurt himself now as a sort of punishment for that. Which is another indication of just how much his stay in Limbo didn't help with his mental health.

"Am I being- is this [Ranboo having both cows and wheat] a setup?" (the paranoia never left)

"Ranboo I'm gonna go out on a limb here: do- do you wanna be friends?" "Su-sure yeah, I don't see why not" (I think that at this point it was still just Wilbur following along with what his dad told him to do and trying to find out more about Ranboo. That does seem to change later down the line)

"And then we decided that it [the 'cookie' outpost] was too much trouble so we kinda just left it" (So we have confirmation that the cookie outpost was abandoned)

"We're not gonna annoy Quackity" "That's good" "We can't annoy- we can't annoy him because we're simply put- we're simply put gonna be making...- I got the real estate! He's giving me the area and we're gonna be making a competing business"

Wilbur says this as if he wasn't perfectly aware that this would annoy the sh*t out of Quackity. As if the point of it wasn't exactly to annoy Quackity. Or well, annoying him isn't the end goal, it's just the means to an end. We don't know the actual end goal (though I think Wilbur still wants to either be let into Las Nevadas or actually instate a rivalry between them as he said, one of the two).

"We [he and Quackity] were a part of the same cabinet during New L'Manburg or whatever" "Cabinet?" "Yeah a cabinet is like-" "Was this- was this with Tubbo?" "Yeah yeah" (...) "So you were part of the old L'Manburg? I didn't know that actually, I thought you were a bit of an independent"

Once again: Wilbur is missing A LOT of knowledge. He wasn't aware that New L'Manburg had a cabinet and he wasn't aware that Ranboo was ever part of the country either. He has a lot of misconceptions about what happened during the time he was dead so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that his views on a lot of things are as warped as they are. Wilbur is getting to his conclusions with an incomplete and sometimes wrong set of data.

"Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?" "Not too much I don't think. I mean there are other people I don't, like, agree with what they've done of course, but I think that everyone is just a product of what they've gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand the person!"

There is nothing inherently wrong with Ranboo's reasoning here. It's true that most people are a result of their environment and, once you understand what they've been through you can understand them better as a person. It's also fine that he personally doesn't want to hold grudges. But that way of thinking isn't applicable to those who have been hurt by others, sure they can reach an understanding, but an understanding of a person doesn't justify shit and doesn't change shit unless that person works towards repairing old broken relationships. It just all sounds like a nice way of thinking about things in theory, but in practice, it just takes away responsibility from those who have wronged others to fix things and moves it to those who have been wronged. (Ranboo isn't advocating for everyone to think that way though, but I know the fandom will).

Either way, they arrive in Las Nevadas and Wilbur talks about how their place doesn't benefit the consumer and puts down 3 signs.

"I've been trying to think of a name for it [his and Tommy's area], I'm thinking about 'Paradise'"

There are two possible reasons for the name that I can think of:

1) It's in reference to Las Nevadas itself and how Las Nevadas is based on Las Vegas, the famous city of sin

2) It could be a reference to Tommy insistently calling Las Nevadas Paradise in the last stream and Wilbur trying to convince him that their place is the true Paradise

Wilbur does decide to make the Burger Van right at the border which really feels like a very obvious provocation. The other thing is that he makes it clear that he wants the van to be red and white which could be a random choice, but really feels like a reference to Tommy (since they are famously his colors) or an imitation of their opposition. Or both considering how much Tommy liked the restaurant of the opposition and the fact that Wilbur is still trying to convince him to stay.

"I'm not very fond of blue" (at this point it's obvious that Wilbur has quite a bit of pent-up animosity against Ghostbur. I wonder if it is because it still feels like people liked the ghost more than him...)

"Like, the Cookie Shop, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop, to begin with, because it was a little... fortified if I'm entirely honest, I realize that now" "Really?" "Yeah did you not see- oh wait- that giant stone structure?" (Ranboo really did fail to realize that the cookie shop was actually a military outpost, huh?)

"See, I like Tubbo. He's strong-headed, he doesn't let people push him around, you know?" (this is both an interesting change in what he thinks of Tubbo if he actually thinks that and further confirmation that Wilbur isn't a fan of people he considers to be 'followers')

"Why do you claim that you're so 'peaceful' and 'neutral' and yet somehow appear in almost every conflict this server's had since I died?" (since I saw people claiming this is manipulation already, just know that it isn't. He's just confused because, admittedly, Ranboo is a confusing guy and Wilbur doesn't really know him at all)

"Ranboo, why did you come to help me?" (...) "And then also I just think, you know... you can, you know- I think- I think you're an alright person, you know? So I wanna- I did kinda wanna get off on a better foot with you then what happened-" "Why?" "Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me" "Nonononono not the bit about the right foot, the 'why don't you think I'm a bad person'" "Well I mean, I think that you did bad things, but like, I think that you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you've changed now (...) but I think that now you've- apparently you've been away long enough that I think that if anyone goes away for that long eventually they'll have a thought about their morality and everything and maybe become a better person because of it"

I know this quote was absurdly long, but it is one of the most interesting conversations of the whole stream and it is really important and it tells us quite a bit as well. For one thing Wilbur was left quite emotional from someone simply admitting that he's an "alright person" and that they think he's capable of changing and this does bring him to open up to Ranboo right after. What Ranboo says to be exact is that anyone would have changed after going through what Wilbur went through and that change could be positive and while I completely disagree with it, it's clearly something that Wilbur needed to hear.

Now as to why I disagree with the notion that 13 years of semi-complete isolation could change anyone for the better should be rather obvious. But if it isn't, well, that's torture to put it simply. Psychological torture. Just like abuse it's one of those things that only cause trauma and a worsening mental health state and we see this with Wilbur because he didn't change, he only became more self-deprecating. Hurting someone doesn't make them become a better person all of a sudden, that's really not how it works. Hurting someone makes them become more traumatized.

"I think I scare people" ( as I said, immediately opening up about his insecurities)

"I think that a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them" (for a bit here Wilbur talks about how he feels like everyone else is just waiting for him to step a foot out of line, which does really show that he's still interpreting all his interactions with people through the lens of his paranoia and self-deprecation, because no one is really interacting with him with that objective in mind)

"Dream's had his comeuppance and I've not" (this seems to be the crux of Wilbur's insecurity. This idea that he got off scot-free for his crimes, the idea that the only difference between him and Dream is the punishment that's been bestowed upon them which, of course, is wrong, but he doesn't know this, because he doesn't actually know why Dream's in prison)

"I've been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo, I've been investing into the wrong people" (This is either a reference to Tommy, to Phil, to Quackity, or to all of them)

"We're kindred man, we get each other" (the reason why he thinks that is because he seems to think that Ranboo has a similar type of paranoia to what Wilbur experience himself and he's not entirely wrong. Ranboo is deathly afraid of conflict and of being disliked so much so that he never stands up for anything in fear of angering others)

Little definition of "neuroticism" for you all since Wilbur kept mentioning it: neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.

I'd say it's quite fitting for both characters...

"I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is that you built your trust by showing people your cards whilst I- I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the big difference" (I felt like this was interesting. Especially knowing how much Ranboo actually doesn't share and how much he actually also keeps close to his chest)

They talk about tubbo in general for a bit and about what's been going on the server in general. Ranboo also that he's part of both Snowchester and the arctic commune (mostly the latter though).

"This has been chill, this has been good, I'm excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?" "Oh, he's- he's great. Tommy's awesome" "I agree I agree" "Definitely gone through a lot but I think that it's made him a good person" "Well you seem to think that everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said" "I mean, yeah. I mean if- if no one- the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because- just because and they don't have any reason why"

Included the whole thing here because if I stopped at Ranboo saying that Tommy going through trauma is what made him a good person it would have sounded really bad. As things are I think that that was just poor wording on his part and that this mostly goes back to the mentality he expressed before about how people sometimes do bad things because of the environment they're in pushing them and this idea he seems to have that actual hardships (like 13 years in Limbo or whatever he knows about what Tommy has been through) can encourage people to be better which is... sort of naive honestly. Again, trauma isn't a catalyst for the betterment of a person, and any improvement Tommy has made came from his self-reflection, not what he's been through.

After they're done with the van Wilbur brings Ranboo to their competing establishment and asks him to smash the windows, which Ranboo does with no hesitation whatsoever. After that Wilbur proceeds to place down one single block of TNT in a corner and Ranboo starts being a little more hesitant.

"You trust me right?" (I feel like that was a trick question considering how their common paranoia is the thing that Wilbur praised in Ranboo before)

Wilbur hands Ranboo the flint and steel to detonate the piece of TNT which Ranboo does, albeit with some hesitation.

"You passed the test, good job man, you go back to the van (...) Ranboo- Ranboo... I'm proud of you man. You've taken a side, you've proven that you can choose a side"

Quite a few people have already pointed out how similar this scene was to the time Wilbur tested Tommy in season 1 to decide if he was fit to be his right-hand man. In both situations, Wilbur gave someone a chance to cause some destruction against someone on the opposite side. Tommy passed the test by refusing to do so and showing that he was willing to uphold his morals and what he believed in. Ranboo passed the test by doing the exact opposite, by showing that, as much as he talks about how he chooses people and not sides, he's not willing to prove that even when all he would need to do to do so is doing nothing.

And it's an interesting scene to analyze as a parallel to that, but it's also interesting to note that Wilbur knows about Ranboo and Tommy griefing George together. He knows that Tommy was the only one to face any consequences for it (not that exile was actually the consequence for the griefing, but this is from Wilbur's point of view). Now putting this in the context of Wilbur seeing himself in Ranboo and thinking that he himself got off scot-free explains this next part perfectly in my opinion.

It explains why he made sure to leave this sign:

To me at least. This is only a theory honestly, we don't have an actual full explanation. But I do think that Wilbur may feel like the both of them never got the comeuppance they deserved, which is why he did something that's sure to get a reaction from one of the most powerful people on the server. Though considering that he also left 2 diamonds as retribution + a chest with all the materials he picked up it could have also been Wilbur's idea of a bonding moment and he could actually really be proud of Ranboo.

[elainevc]

please stay

fem!reader x levi

⚠️ Trigger Warnings ⚠️: Mentions of weight loss, low appetite, disease, illness, angst

Please take care of yourself if these things are triggering. Stories on the internet are not worth you risking your mental health <3

Levi watched as you scrubbed away at the window. He appreciated the times when you would stay longer to help him. You knew he was particular about his cleaning and felt the need to keep him company at least.

He liked that about you.

Your willingness to help those you cared about was admirable, especially coming from the stone cold captain.

Both of you felt the strange romantic tension, but you were comfortable the way things were, so why would you change it? He was mostly scared of your rejection if he confessed and decided to keep it to himself.

That was until you were sick one day.

Levi's not one to worry, and definitely not about someone he knows is strong. But you didn't join him for breakfast like usual and when he asked Hange, they said you were resting in your room.

She reassured him that you were just feeling a little under the weather and needed some time to relax and get better.

His anxiety was quenched, but only for a short amount of time because you didn't leave your room the next day, or the day after that. Before he realized, it had been weeks since you were bouncing around the halls, offering your assistance to anyone who needed it.

Even Erwin was starting to worry at your state.

Hange did their daily examination when they spoke carefully.

"Some of the cadets wanted to visit you today," her tone didn't have the normal chipperness that you'd grown so used to.

You were sat up on the edge of your bed in your bra and shorts. Hange looked at you and saw the bags under your eyes.

She glanced at your paling skin and chapped lips. Your hair was greasy and knotted and you were starting to smell a little ripe. She could tell you didn't give a damn about your appearance.

You strained a smile and replied, "they can if they want. I wouldn't mind some company, but I don't think they'd want to help me get from the bed and toilet every time I feel sick."

You laughed but there was no amusement behind it.

The days continued and these times were joined by Sasha who always brought a large tray of food--even though you always ate very little--or Connie and Jean doing your paperwork, at least what they can do, or Armin who always brings a book to read and a snuggly blanket.

These kids cared about you too much to let you spend your days alone.

Everyone visited you at some point with reassuring words and hugs. Everyone except Levi.

He was still trying to figure out what to say to you. He had no idea where the two of you stood but Hange encouraged him to speak to you one day after the examination.

They weren't the best at hiding their emotions and Levi could tell your condition was only getting worse.

The short captain entered the room to find you by yourself. The blankets were pulled up to your chin and sweat formed on your forehead.

You opened your eyes to find him standing there, and at first you thought it was a dream.

"Levi..."

"Hey brat," he said without the usual sass on the last word. He walked over and pulled the chair to your bedside. You moved to sit up so you could see his face better.

His cravat was slightly ruffled and uneven. Your hand moved on instinct to readjust it. The motion was slow and tedious. You knew how he liked his cravat and it was strange that he left his room with it in such a condition.

"Sorry, it was kind of tilted," you said as you leaned back. He eyes followed you with every movement. You rested your back to the headboard.

He grabbed your hand in his. You were surprised how warm his palms were wrapped around your cold hand. His eyes didn't meet yours as you watched him think silently.

"How are you feeling," he asked quietly.

"Eh, I still think I could kill more titans like this than you could."

He chuckled. The sound was like music to your ears. No, it was music to your ears. You could listen to that for years and never get tired of how easily it fell from his lips. You wished it was a happier sound, but it was genuine nonetheless.

"Yeah, I'm sure you could," he stated blandly, still avoiding your gaze.

You wanted to make him look at you. You wanted to get lost in his steel blue eyes once again. Every time you stayed after to help him clean, you loved seeing his eyes light up just a little at you. It wasn't something you could notice the first time, but it was something you looked forward to after the second.

"Levi, can you look at me please?"

Your voice cut through his heart. No, he didn't want to look at you.

He didn't want to see the life draining from your face and the same happy expression plastered over it. Even as you died silently in your bed you had a smile on.

It hurt him more than anything to see your cheeks cave into you, and your collar bones pushing onto your skin.

But you wanted to see him. You were asking for him to look at you, so he bit his tongue and did so.

Your smile immediately returned and your hand gripped his. He couldn't stop the tears from forming at his eyes. The first came down quick, then the second, then the third, and soon his face was drenched with his tears and the room was filled with his sobs.

You didn't know what to do. You'd never seen your fellow soldier break down like this and you were confused why it happened so suddenly.

"Um.. Levi? Are you o-okay?"

He put your hand to his chest. The salty tears didn't seem to be slowing down. You wanted to hug him but you were scared it wouldn't only make him cry harder.

His hands were grasping at yours. It felt like he was clinging to you for life. Dammit, what were you supposed to do?

You let him cry for a moment. He sniffled slightly and finally spoke him broken sobs.

"You can't- you can't leave me too," he choked out. "They're all gone and- and you're all that I have left. Please y/n... please just- just stay with me."

There was no hesitation when you grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. He didn't stop as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. You felt the tears on your skin and soaking into your shirt.

You put your hand on his head and softly ran your fingers through his hair.

Despite your weak form your grip on the man was still strong. He wanted to be in your arms for the rest of his life. He wanted to feel your heartbeat and pulse because that meant you were alive. It meant you were with him.

He hated seeing you like this. It reminded him too much of his mother and how she died.

She left him too early, and he wasn't going to let you leave him too. He held you close, and at some point Levi lost track of how long he'd been like this. You were going to stay.

Walls, he needed you to stay. And you didn't want to leave him either.