#so don't worry that ending won't happen
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OK SO
I had an idea snippet for the ending of the Ineffable Family series but it made me sad and I dunno if I will ever draw it so Im just gonna share my idea with you in written form:
(btw It's not fanfic quality, it's more messy bulletpoints written out within 5min or so)
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Astra is growing up, getting older and lives a happy life amongst human society with her parents on earth. One day she falls in love with a human and they share the kind of deep bond like Azi and Crowley do. At some point Astra even announces that they gonna get married and her parents are super excited and want to make her the bestest wedding gift ever.
They wrack their brains over what this gift could be for a quite a while but nothing seemed right.
A book? To generic and boring. A kitchen aid? Nah, probably an other persons idea already. Money? Missing the deep meaning behind it.
It's one day before the wedding and Astra asks Crowley and Azira to meet at their special spot at a wonderful lonely flower field somewhere in the nowhere. They loved to visit this special place and spend hours being together, having picknicks or gaze at the stars (Yes, in this version Crowley can see stars). C+A arrive at the spot where Astra is already waiting for them and they are quite curious why she wanted to meet up here.
Astra turns around and looks at them with a smile, but it's a mix of a happy and sad one.
She knows what she would like the gift to be and she describes how she feels different from all the angels and demons and that she never experienced an existence before the beginning or witnessed when everything started. She loved growing up between humans and experience change herself. But she knows her true love, her human, will wither away in what feels just like an eye blink in the life of an immortal being.
Astra comes closer to her parents and holds their hands, telling them how much she loves them and apologizes that what she will say next, won't be easy.
The best gift, she could ever ask for is Azira and Crowley combining their powers and making her mortal.
Ofc both seem bewildered at such request and try to talk sense to their daughter but in the end they recognized that they would have done the same for their partner because a life without them would hurt too much.
With a heavy heart A+C respect Astra's wish and grand it to her.
She lives a happy life with her human, both equally growing older and A+C watching over them like guardian angels to make sure no sickness or harm comes into their house... till the day they have to say goodbye.
Astra and her love are not going to Heaven or Hell. They return back to the stars where they can be together and where A+C can see them from earth.
And then the end says
"Ad Astra"
(lat.= to the stars)
#ineffable parents#mystery baby#Yeah just wanted to share this one with you because I am sure it will just land in my notes and never see the day light again#Also I wanted to keep this series a bit more light hearted and not too angsty#so don't worry that ending won't happen
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alright everybody can we please stop tagging me/talking about me in the notes of pro keefe/sokeefe posts. i know strieefe has made it so that it's really funny to talk about how much i love him and how much i'm in denial when i say negative things about him under those posts (and that's all in good fun and not the problem), but we have to think about the fact that the ops are just trying to make a positive post and probably don't want a keefe hater in their notes /srs
#i'm not mad or anything like that. promise. it's just a phenomenon i've noticed that has slowly started becoming a trend#it just becomes increasingly difficult to respond in a way that stays true to my opinions while ALSO trying not to offend op#so i usually end up ignoring those mentions or reblogging with like “no comment” or something. which isn't fun for anybody#i've had this happen more than once by more than one person. this is a pro keefe/sokeefe post why are we talking about me of all people#i don't want to offend op with my inevitable anti keefe opinions. talking about keefe haters on a pro keefe post is . . . a choice#i make an effort to try to stay out of pro keefe/sokeefe spaces. trust me when i say i have seen whatever post you're tagging me in#i'm a kotlc tag stalker to the core. i have SEEN these posts don't worry. i just don't interact with them. that's all#when i see them i am definitely tempted to go on a rant about how wrong op is about sophie and keefe's dynamic and how it actually SUCKS#or how much keefe is a shitty character with a poorly written arc and atrocious six-year-old humor. i have written about this AT LENGTH#but guys. the notes of a pro keefe post is NOT the place to be summoning me of all people. what do you even want me to say#i've been @ed on posts like “i love sokeefe” “keefe sencen. you agree. reblog” “people that don't understand sokeefe just don't get it”#<- all fake examples btw. but close enough to real posts i've been summoned to#and it's like. i mean yes i COULD go on a rant about how much i thoroughly disagree. but like. it's just not polite. so i won't#atp how am i even supposed to respond to your mention? i don't even know#on top of that if i reblog a pro keefe post with an anti keefe response for all my probably mostly anti keefe followers to see----#----then they'll agree with me. that version will get reblogged and soon there might be more people on op's post that disagree with them#okay this got way more incoherent than originally intended. hopefully it got the point across. and so on#just things to think about! nothing wrong with @ing me on keefe posts just think about how you want me to respond before @ing me----#----or if i will even be able to respond in any real capacity at all#kotlc#kotlc fandom#keepblr
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I think I'm growing up alright. I'm gonna keep at it.
#i worry a lot#you know#i'm afraid of other people#i'm afraid of the future#but i know i can overcome#or at the very least#the worst that can happen is that everything falls apart and i die#which would solve a problem i was looking for solutions way back when#so no worries there#i want to be connected#i want to hold onto something real#i want to become something real#i having become real want to reach out to you#with my weak arms and this slender spider's thread to carry us#maybe i'm doomed to fail#i don't know#i won't find out till the end#and there's just one chance anyways#so whatever#i'll keep going#i hope i can become someone worth relying on#not just an amusement or someone to ogle (though i'm not averse)#but i want to make the world just a little bit nicer#for those of us who fear it too#hand in hand#but i have wings that can take me anywhere#so i know i'll reach that distant sky
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every once in a while i see an out of context spoiler post about fma03 and get just a little bit more scared
#what the fuck do you mean ed takes on al's appearance and identity. what do you mean the 'he won't that's the end' blooper is canon in 03.#what the FUCK happens in 03#fma#fma03#razi talks#i oughta watch it at some point but im too dedicated to my manga boys and don't wanna destabilize my view of them with diff versions...#worried theyll be too similar characters to separate in my head xP#edit: so apparently al takes on ed's appearance and identity?? and he's from an alternate dimension?? what the fuck is happening
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mad & mad & mad & mad & mad & mad & mad &
#I hate how whenever I look forward to something fun I always think half-jokingly haha I wonder what one thing will go wrong because#there's always something#and then. every time. something goes wrong. and my brain is like yep we still have no precedent for things going the way we wish them to#and it makes a little note in some mental excel spreadsheet of a long line of things that went wrong when we wanted them to go right#and this is why I go to therapy lol#yeah it doesn't happen all the time yeah it's usually small things that don't really matter yeah I know things never work out ~perfectly~#but. but still.#I'm sure this is all fine and it won't be as big of a deal as I think...but I had been so looking forward to having a good day#and I did! I have two days off for fall break and my mum and I went to a bakery and had gâteau au yaourt and croissants#and we went to some bookstores and I got the iliad (belovedest) so it was a good day!! but why does it have to end in tears#why do I have to suddenly be reminded that I have one foot in the chronically ill pool#why do other people get to have their dreams come true seemingly so easily while I have to fight for everything#oh well. at least I'm home and don't have to worry about getting dinner. and we have ice cream. and I still have the iliad.#and I am still blessed.#it's *sighs* fine.#earl crow ramblings
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i plan on staying single until i'm at least 30. tubal ligation has many dangerous side effects like post tubal ligation syndrome that according to some statistics affects even like 30 percent of women who undergo it and apparently is more prevalent in younger ppl and well, i'm in my early 20s but i've seen also posts from women in their late 30s who suffer from it (so maybe it's not dependent on age of patients but it's just once again medical misogyny??). i can' even research these things bc i get sick and disgusted after seeing words related to female r*productive system
#i said i'm staying single until at least my 30 birthday but its more of a general idea. like waiting for a really long time#it's quite possible that i will always be single my whole life bc men are pornwatchers etc and it's better to spend life without a#shitty worthless partner than to accept something degrading#my reasoning is: in my celibate life i don't have to worry about it UNLESS something happens. and then if i won't have my tubes tied i woul#be in real trouble :/#i would kill myself rather than accept biological reality#i know it. i'm so disgusted by the biological aspect. all the dangers. risks. i wouldn't let my body undergo it. i would just choose to end#i'm not even thinking about the consequences and implications of not killing myself. ewwwww no#tw reproduction implied#tw reproduction mention#moje
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my 7 yards of silk-rayon burgundy velvet has been handwashed, dried, and properly hung up so it won't get creased before I get around to cutting out my pattern pieces
#and now I am le tired#sewing#fabric#velvet#my sewing#Yule dress#velvet Yule dress#Very Fancy Santa Hat#I did end up with a couple of teeny tiny marks from when I hung the fabric to drip-dry on the line before I could put it in the dyer#there's one visible in this photo if you know where to look#I've seen some techniques for getting those kinds of marks out of silk velvet but I'm not going to worry about it right now#once I actually lay this out to cut out pieces for my dress and Jack's hat (and whatever else this fabric ends up being) I'll deal with it#on an as-needed basis and not like. scouring the whole 7 yards for every little imperfection#generally it came through the washing and drying process FANTASTICALLY and is actually way less creased and marked than it was before#and I'm not such a delusional perfectionist as to think that I can keep velvet looking photoshoot-pristine when worn in real life lol#but at least this way I won't have to baby the fabric and fear spilling something on it and being unable to wash it out#and actually the silk brocade I washed for my Rhaenyra cosplay last year held up so well that even when I DID spill an alcoholic beverage#the dress just completely shrugged it off. I used a wet napkin on it at the time and it's completely disappeared#don't listen to anyone who says you can't get silk wet. you just have to wash it and dry it BEFORE you sew it and then it's fine#I bought this fabric from SYFabrics.com if anyone happens upon this in the tags and wants to buy similar fabric#highly recommend SYFabrics they have never failed me
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I have soooo much anxiety abt shit rn and lowkey I kinda wish I were just medicated and/or sedated at this point
#unfortunately the doctor I have is not gonna prescribe me anything and I've been through too many to even attempt trying to find a new one#but good god. tell me why I haven't been sleeping and have a stress migraine over shit that hasn't even happened yet#on something that hopefully never will happen#I've had so many stress dreams when I do fall asleep lately that it's actively poisoning the sleep I get#and it just doesn't end. like usually I can just be like meh I'm not gonna worry abt things I can't control rn. eyes closed I don't see it#but rn I'm just lying in bed nauseous as hell lump in my throat terrified of the future#it already feels like I'm standing on thin ice. I'm kind of convinced it won't be long until some sort of catastrophic failure.#and then what.#godddddddddd. I really do wish I were medicated. Idk how much longer I can do this
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the day me and marnie get our gym leader outfits in pokemas u will be hearing from me. u will
#i'll probably start keyboard smashing and saying senseless things and then i'll start to rant abt the beautiful weather that day#then i'll start screaming until i have no voice left and then i'll be dancing until i feel so exhausted i end up dead on the floor#AND THEN i'll start worrying bc what if i don't get them. what if pokemas is mean to me what if. what if i die the day they come out#ofc this'll only happen if pokemas actually makes this real. which probably won't even happen so yeah fjshdjjs
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man you ever wanna die just so you don't have to deal with the shit that is real life
#i mean ik i don't count bc i wanna die period. but this situation makes it even more so.#which is ironic bc the problem is i am in danger lol. but statistically speaking one is more likely to get injured than killed#and that is something i do NOT want 😐 idm dying - i encourage it even. i wish i did tonight - but getting severely injured is the worst#- thing that could happen to me i think. it's actually my biggest fear. it's essentially the only reason I'm not dead yet#(bc if it weren't for that fear i would just try to kms on a daily basis lmao 😭)#I'm just... very tired. i don't wanna live in fear. but that's impossible. my only other option here is death#this isn't even getting into the everyday life shit. i was supposed to send some files to set up some medical test#but idk if there's any point until the war ends?? like i won't be getting out any time soon probably#and idk if any medical ward that isn't the emergency one would work these days. so. eh#i lost track there. what i was going at is that through all this i also have my regular pains to worry about#and ofc my regular mental shit too. I'm doing badly enough as is lmao 😭#vent#negative //#suicide //#ask to tag#blegh. i hate it here
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My nightmare scenario for Vol. 3 is *that* one crappy leak from a few months back ending up being completely true 😬😬😬 But I'm, trying very hard to stay hopeful that it won't be and I'm just worried for no reason (as I am known to be)
#lex thoughts#gotg thoughts#universe: mcu#i won't say what exactly the leak entailed bc i don't want to spoil anyone and i don't recommend finding it (it's bad)#but the new trailer starting off with Peter clearly drinking heavily immediately made me go OH NO!!!#i got scared. i'm still scared bc what if the leak was true and ougugghghhghghghhhghhg#anyways im conflicted on the new trailer but im still leaning positive just uh cautious#i'm in a weird space between fearing the worst for everyone on the team and then being like all this foreshadowing is too obvious#-nothing is going to happen to them but ACK! I DONT KNOW !!#I worry the most about Peter and Gamora for different reasons... I'm being swayed that everyone else will end up. fine-ish#i will say that i luv Nebula's new arm that can turn into a flame sword that's so anime#lesbians with sword arms really are the future of the gotg#also i'm not a fan of how dusty and dreary the locations so far have been (i'm hoping we'll see more vol 2 esque locations at some point)#but i DO enjoy how things have been shot and framed so far... the visuals ARE nice. just dusty. i like the consistent uses of red as well
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finally looked up whether ill lose my state scholarship if i drop out after lowkey deciding i probably need to and the answer is yes 😶
#it's. we'll. uhh#idk what to do tbh. should probably just focus on not completely collapsing and fucking up my grades#right at the end of the semester like i always ALMOST do#such that it never feels like a victory but it never looks that worrisome to my parents (who are immune to worrying about me)#ugh that's not completely true they just like. never voice it or do anything about it or say much besides 'sorry' or 'go fix it' when i#gesture vaguely at the absolute state of me#which is not the same. but to get out of this i might need to make them worry about me and i don't wanna do that either#both for emotional wall reasons and not wanting to hurt them reasons#they're not going to let me drop out but i think college might actually kill me so idk#i don't think im capable of begging enough to make it happen assuming it's something i can beg my way into at all#but it's not like i have any other ideas#and hey if this works and i can clear up my burnout maybe I'll draw again. or paint something even just once#i could get a part time job and my license and get some money. maybe start streaming. have friends again even#make video essays or write something for real. idk. it's like im physically incapable of having creative ideas anymore#im extremely lucky to be able to fall back on my parents but no matter how guilty i feel about that it benefits no one not to take advantage#of that opportunity y'know? assuming i could like. get them to believe beyond a surface level that i am Struggling#which i don't feel like. super confident in. bc they'll totally believe im struggling but not the details or that it means i can't do school#which in this case is functionally the same as them not believing me at all#should clarify that i love college. biiig ol middle finger to my brain for fucking this up for me#ough. agh#i also don't want to promise them i'll work either bc what if i can't what if i ruin that too etc#even just what if it takes me a long time to be ready for it and they don't want to wait that long#if they badger me im still going to feel like im running from everything all the time but there's no way they won't have any conditions yk#whatever
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As someone who selectively believes in miracles and fate and magic...the constant tugging for classics in the back of my mind for the last whole month is getting harder to ignore
#im working a decent job. im earning okayish like i could do w a better pay but classics doesn't have that#so i dont understand the pull...i decided on smth so the pulling and tugging and tossing and turning right now doesn't make sense#i will not forget. i have not forgotten. but what do you mean im reading up forums and constantly looking for things to engage w#it would've not been a point of concern had it not repeatedly happen during work hours#I don't understand tbh#personal#like. yeah i AM worried that this won't stop and I'll end up making a bad financial decision I'll regret and won't be able to justify
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#Delete later#There's so much shit happening in my life right now and this has been haunting the back of my mind for ages and I just ugh#What do you do when your boyfriend is going through some fucked up shit and won't respond to your texts asking if he's ok if he wants to#Hang out later or even just talk about things#Like I asked if he wanted to go to a mall later and it turns out he's going to mfing Arizona and. Didn't tell me at all?#He's going through a lot of stuff right now but I kinda want just like. Basic details of what he's doing?#So I can talk to him without sounding like a idiot? And not have to worry about him when he ghosts me for a couple weeks?#And the whole reason I'm questioning things isn't because he's being frustrating I've been thinking about this for a looong time#At first I thought I might have just been demi aro? Because like we were best friends before we were in a relationship#And I really do care about him I just don't know to what extent (what defines romantic attraction anyways? Never been clear on that)#And I'd break up with him and say I just need a couple weeks to sort things out and I think he'd understand#But also he really doesn't need that stress right now things have been getting really bad on his end#Our relationship isn't actively hurting me but if this trend continues it might eventually#I just really want to talk to him. About things. I hope I'm not doing a bad job handling this#Ufhfhdjajajajahrgehehh#Worth mentioning that Phoebe from Ghostbusters is making me question things as well.#Things are confusing all of the time :(
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hey so i want you to imagine you had a really big and inconvenient box in your bedroom that you always had to navigate around. and you were always knocking your knee into it and it wasn't the right height to use as a desk but it was too big to use as an end table and it kept you from putting your bed where you wanted it and it smelled kind of weird if you got too close. and this was your life, your whole life, knocking around this stupid fucking annoying fucking painful fucking box.
'what's in this box, anyway?' you would ask, and everyone else in the house would say, 'that thing's not supposed to be there, we don't have one,' and you'd say 'cool, but it's too big to get it out the door. it won't fit. i tried.' and everyone would just shrug and say 'well, that's your problem then.'
and you'd say, 'so what's in the box?' and everyone would just say 'you're not even supposed to have that box.'
anyway one day you open the box and it turns out what was in it the whole time was a version of you from a future where you're happy. and you sit there looking at your curled up fetal future of happiness, and everyone in the house stands there at the door and stares at you in horror.
and they all say, very worried now, 'you're not supposed to have that box. none of us have a box like that'
and you say to all of them, 'well that's your problem then,' and you let your future out.
and that's what happens when you're transgender.
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── ★。𖦹°‧ KENJI SATO SEEING THE SCRATCHES ON HIS BACK .ᐟ
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୭˚. ᵎᵎ content warnings: mention of sex, oral, back scratching, sexual content.
⭑.ᐟ Everything happened, properly, while Kenji was getting ready to mark his presence, alongside the team, heading to the arena for the match later on. — Coach Shimura ordered him to appear early, something that bothered the player. — Sato didn't need this, it was something dispensable, and he was forced to agree.
⤷ Due to the fact that he was unfortunately removed from your side; unable to cling to your body, cling to your touch or worship, lasciviously. — Longing to feel you once again; even though he had done this moments ago, he was still insatiated by you. — God, just by clicking his tongue, your taste reached his palate.
⭑.ᐟ Getting up from the bed, half-heartedly and with little enthusiasm, and admiring your serene and moderate image as you rested, Kenji fought the urge to ignore the order and lie down next to you; unfortunately and evidently, the sense of responsibility spoke louder.
⤷ And, knowing you like the back of his hand, Kenji knew you would disapprove of him if he did that. — Like a good boyfriend, he wouldn't make you upset.
⭑.ᐟ On his walk to the bathroom, assuming that he could put an end to the indolence that coursed through his body, Sato did not fail to feel some burning pains, small discomforts in his back, awkwardly running his hand around the area. — Ignoring, for now, the mental questions and went to the mirror.
⭑.ᐟ Kenji could already imagine the coach's voice echoing, unbearably, in his ears, scolding him for arriving at least a few minutes later than expected; and he was already reasoning out the most understandable excuse in his mind. — Or he would just say "don't worry, it won't hinder our competence", no, better not; but deep down he would like to say that.
⭑.ᐟ In front of the mirror, which showed his hair, in pure disarray and mess and his discouraged face, feeling bored, but, enigmatically, seductive, Kenji is worried, once again, about the discomforts of his back. — While uttering incoherent mumbles and swear words and directing his hand towards his skin for the second time, Sato allowed himself to turn towards the reflective glass, wanting to know what was bothering him so much.
⤷ And that's how he came across your art.
⭑.ᐟ Kenji's eyes examined, in fact, venerated with prudence and eccentric attention the marks, made by your nails, prominent and so protruding and, at the same time, deliciously burning exposed on his back; expressing an exotic, inconceivable and voluptuous sexual countenance. — The red lines, which blended into the tone of his skin, burned him both physically and mentally.
⤷ He couldn't imagine — oh, this cynical, shameless man believed it — that there was a small, furtive possessive streak coursing through your blood as you yearned, longed, to mark him.
⭑.ᐟ His fingers moved, still in disbelief, over a part of the skin he could reach, and he felt the current protuberances there and Kenji's lips couldn't stop themselves from forming a slutty, depraved smile. — He fucking loved what he was seeing, maybe more than he should have.
⤷ The moans, whimpers, and murmurs, that begged with desire for more, that came out of your beautiful mouth cried out in Kenji's mind; remembering, again, them like a song lyric he had memorized. — Sato began to identify a pulse, a throbbing in his dick and a wave of excitement flood his chest.
⭑.ᐟ Your boyfriend didn't care how fast he had to get to the arena, he would miss the time anyway, and then he contemplated what was captivated about him. — Showing off his corpulent, athletic back, wanting to see the marks better and not wanting them to disappear from view. — Kenji would beg for more of them later, he was sure of it.
⤷ Well, you better pray your nails don't break.
#kenji sato#ken sato#kenji#kenji sato x reader#ken sato x reader#kenji x reader#kenji sato smut#ken sato smut#kenji smut#ultraman#ultraman rising
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