#so don't worry that ending won't happen
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OK SO
I had an idea snippet for the ending of the Ineffable Family series but it made me sad and I dunno if I will ever draw it so Im just gonna share my idea with you in written form:
(btw It's not fanfic quality, it's more messy bulletpoints written out within 5min or so)
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Astra is growing up, getting older and lives a happy life amongst human society with her parents on earth. One day she falls in love with a human and they share the kind of deep bond like Azi and Crowley do. At some point Astra even announces that they gonna get married and her parents are super excited and want to make her the bestest wedding gift ever.
They wrack their brains over what this gift could be for a quite a while but nothing seemed right.
A book? To generic and boring. A kitchen aid? Nah, probably an other persons idea already. Money? Missing the deep meaning behind it.
It's one day before the wedding and Astra asks Crowley and Azira to meet at their special spot at a wonderful lonely flower field somewhere in the nowhere. They loved to visit this special place and spend hours being together, having picknicks or gaze at the stars (Yes, in this version Crowley can see stars). C+A arrive at the spot where Astra is already waiting for them and they are quite curious why she wanted to meet up here.
Astra turns around and looks at them with a smile, but it's a mix of a happy and sad one.
She knows what she would like the gift to be and she describes how she feels different from all the angels and demons and that she never experienced an existence before the beginning or witnessed when everything started. She loved growing up between humans and experience change herself. But she knows her true love, her human, will wither away in what feels just like an eye blink in the life of an immortal being.
Astra comes closer to her parents and holds their hands, telling them how much she loves them and apologizes that what she will say next, won't be easy.
The best gift, she could ever ask for is Azira and Crowley combining their powers and making her mortal.
Ofc both seem bewildered at such request and try to talk sense to their daughter but in the end they recognized that they would have done the same for their partner because a life without them would hurt too much.
With a heavy heart A+C respect Astra's wish and grand it to her.
She lives a happy life with her human, both equally growing older and A+C watching over them like guardian angels to make sure no sickness or harm comes into their house... till the day they have to say goodbye.
Astra and her love are not going to Heaven or Hell. They return back to the stars where they can be together and where A+C can see them from earth.
And then the end says
"Ad Astra"
(lat.= to the stars)
#ineffable parents#mystery baby#Yeah just wanted to share this one with you because I am sure it will just land in my notes and never see the day light again#Also I wanted to keep this series a bit more light hearted and not too angsty#so don't worry that ending won't happen
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alright everybody can we please stop tagging me/talking about me in the notes of pro keefe/sokeefe posts. i know strieefe has made it so that it's really funny to talk about how much i love him and how much i'm in denial when i say negative things about him under those posts (and that's all in good fun and not the problem), but we have to think about the fact that the ops are just trying to make a positive post and probably don't want a keefe hater in their notes /srs
#i'm not mad or anything like that. promise. it's just a phenomenon i've noticed that has slowly started becoming a trend#it just becomes increasingly difficult to respond in a way that stays true to my opinions while ALSO trying not to offend op#so i usually end up ignoring those mentions or reblogging with like “no comment” or something. which isn't fun for anybody#i've had this happen more than once by more than one person. this is a pro keefe/sokeefe post why are we talking about me of all people#i don't want to offend op with my inevitable anti keefe opinions. talking about keefe haters on a pro keefe post is . . . a choice#i make an effort to try to stay out of pro keefe/sokeefe spaces. trust me when i say i have seen whatever post you're tagging me in#i'm a kotlc tag stalker to the core. i have SEEN these posts don't worry. i just don't interact with them. that's all#when i see them i am definitely tempted to go on a rant about how wrong op is about sophie and keefe's dynamic and how it actually SUCKS#or how much keefe is a shitty character with a poorly written arc and atrocious six-year-old humor. i have written about this AT LENGTH#but guys. the notes of a pro keefe post is NOT the place to be summoning me of all people. what do you even want me to say#i've been @ed on posts like “i love sokeefe” “keefe sencen. you agree. reblog” “people that don't understand sokeefe just don't get it”#<- all fake examples btw. but close enough to real posts i've been summoned to#and it's like. i mean yes i COULD go on a rant about how much i thoroughly disagree. but like. it's just not polite. so i won't#atp how am i even supposed to respond to your mention? i don't even know#on top of that if i reblog a pro keefe post with an anti keefe response for all my probably mostly anti keefe followers to see----#----then they'll agree with me. that version will get reblogged and soon there might be more people on op's post that disagree with them#okay this got way more incoherent than originally intended. hopefully it got the point across. and so on#just things to think about! nothing wrong with @ing me on keefe posts just think about how you want me to respond before @ing me----#----or if i will even be able to respond in any real capacity at all#kotlc#kotlc fandom#keepblr
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I think I'm growing up alright. I'm gonna keep at it.
#i worry a lot#you know#i'm afraid of other people#i'm afraid of the future#but i know i can overcome#or at the very least#the worst that can happen is that everything falls apart and i die#which would solve a problem i was looking for solutions way back when#so no worries there#i want to be connected#i want to hold onto something real#i want to become something real#i having become real want to reach out to you#with my weak arms and this slender spider's thread to carry us#maybe i'm doomed to fail#i don't know#i won't find out till the end#and there's just one chance anyways#so whatever#i'll keep going#i hope i can become someone worth relying on#not just an amusement or someone to ogle (though i'm not averse)#but i want to make the world just a little bit nicer#for those of us who fear it too#hand in hand#but i have wings that can take me anywhere#so i know i'll reach that distant sky
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mad & mad & mad & mad & mad & mad & mad &
#I hate how whenever I look forward to something fun I always think half-jokingly haha I wonder what one thing will go wrong because#there's always something#and then. every time. something goes wrong. and my brain is like yep we still have no precedent for things going the way we wish them to#and it makes a little note in some mental excel spreadsheet of a long line of things that went wrong when we wanted them to go right#and this is why I go to therapy lol#yeah it doesn't happen all the time yeah it's usually small things that don't really matter yeah I know things never work out ~perfectly~#but. but still.#I'm sure this is all fine and it won't be as big of a deal as I think...but I had been so looking forward to having a good day#and I did! I have two days off for fall break and my mum and I went to a bakery and had gâteau au yaourt and croissants#and we went to some bookstores and I got the iliad (belovedest) so it was a good day!! but why does it have to end in tears#why do I have to suddenly be reminded that I have one foot in the chronically ill pool#why do other people get to have their dreams come true seemingly so easily while I have to fight for everything#oh well. at least I'm home and don't have to worry about getting dinner. and we have ice cream. and I still have the iliad.#and I am still blessed.#it's *sighs* fine.#earl crow ramblings
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i plan on staying single until i'm at least 30. tubal ligation has many dangerous side effects like post tubal ligation syndrome that according to some statistics affects even like 30 percent of women who undergo it and apparently is more prevalent in younger ppl and well, i'm in my early 20s but i've seen also posts from women in their late 30s who suffer from it (so maybe it's not dependent on age of patients but it's just once again medical misogyny??). i can' even research these things bc i get sick and disgusted after seeing words related to female r*productive system
#i said i'm staying single until at least my 30 birthday but its more of a general idea. like waiting for a really long time#it's quite possible that i will always be single my whole life bc men are pornwatchers etc and it's better to spend life without a#shitty worthless partner than to accept something degrading#my reasoning is: in my celibate life i don't have to worry about it UNLESS something happens. and then if i won't have my tubes tied i woul#be in real trouble :/#i would kill myself rather than accept biological reality#i know it. i'm so disgusted by the biological aspect. all the dangers. risks. i wouldn't let my body undergo it. i would just choose to end#i'm not even thinking about the consequences and implications of not killing myself. ewwwww no#tw reproduction implied#tw reproduction mention#moje
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my 7 yards of silk-rayon burgundy velvet has been handwashed, dried, and properly hung up so it won't get creased before I get around to cutting out my pattern pieces
#and now I am le tired#sewing#fabric#velvet#my sewing#Yule dress#velvet Yule dress#Very Fancy Santa Hat#I did end up with a couple of teeny tiny marks from when I hung the fabric to drip-dry on the line before I could put it in the dyer#there's one visible in this photo if you know where to look#I've seen some techniques for getting those kinds of marks out of silk velvet but I'm not going to worry about it right now#once I actually lay this out to cut out pieces for my dress and Jack's hat (and whatever else this fabric ends up being) I'll deal with it#on an as-needed basis and not like. scouring the whole 7 yards for every little imperfection#generally it came through the washing and drying process FANTASTICALLY and is actually way less creased and marked than it was before#and I'm not such a delusional perfectionist as to think that I can keep velvet looking photoshoot-pristine when worn in real life lol#but at least this way I won't have to baby the fabric and fear spilling something on it and being unable to wash it out#and actually the silk brocade I washed for my Rhaenyra cosplay last year held up so well that even when I DID spill an alcoholic beverage#the dress just completely shrugged it off. I used a wet napkin on it at the time and it's completely disappeared#don't listen to anyone who says you can't get silk wet. you just have to wash it and dry it BEFORE you sew it and then it's fine#I bought this fabric from SYFabrics.com if anyone happens upon this in the tags and wants to buy similar fabric#highly recommend SYFabrics they have never failed me
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I have soooo much anxiety abt shit rn and lowkey I kinda wish I were just medicated and/or sedated at this point
#unfortunately the doctor I have is not gonna prescribe me anything and I've been through too many to even attempt trying to find a new one#but good god. tell me why I haven't been sleeping and have a stress migraine over shit that hasn't even happened yet#on something that hopefully never will happen#I've had so many stress dreams when I do fall asleep lately that it's actively poisoning the sleep I get#and it just doesn't end. like usually I can just be like meh I'm not gonna worry abt things I can't control rn. eyes closed I don't see it#but rn I'm just lying in bed nauseous as hell lump in my throat terrified of the future#it already feels like I'm standing on thin ice. I'm kind of convinced it won't be long until some sort of catastrophic failure.#and then what.#godddddddddd. I really do wish I were medicated. Idk how much longer I can do this
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the day me and marnie get our gym leader outfits in pokemas u will be hearing from me. u will
#i'll probably start keyboard smashing and saying senseless things and then i'll start to rant abt the beautiful weather that day#then i'll start screaming until i have no voice left and then i'll be dancing until i feel so exhausted i end up dead on the floor#AND THEN i'll start worrying bc what if i don't get them. what if pokemas is mean to me what if. what if i die the day they come out#ofc this'll only happen if pokemas actually makes this real. which probably won't even happen so yeah fjshdjjs
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man you ever wanna die just so you don't have to deal with the shit that is real life
#i mean ik i don't count bc i wanna die period. but this situation makes it even more so.#which is ironic bc the problem is i am in danger lol. but statistically speaking one is more likely to get injured than killed#and that is something i do NOT want 😐 idm dying - i encourage it even. i wish i did tonight - but getting severely injured is the worst#- thing that could happen to me i think. it's actually my biggest fear. it's essentially the only reason I'm not dead yet#(bc if it weren't for that fear i would just try to kms on a daily basis lmao 😭)#I'm just... very tired. i don't wanna live in fear. but that's impossible. my only other option here is death#this isn't even getting into the everyday life shit. i was supposed to send some files to set up some medical test#but idk if there's any point until the war ends?? like i won't be getting out any time soon probably#and idk if any medical ward that isn't the emergency one would work these days. so. eh#i lost track there. what i was going at is that through all this i also have my regular pains to worry about#and ofc my regular mental shit too. I'm doing badly enough as is lmao 😭#vent#negative //#suicide //#ask to tag#blegh. i hate it here
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literally every single person i am going with is doing drugs tonight 😭
#i hate being the only sober person in a group of drunk and or high people#and i was just told one person is bringing shrooms#like i don't care if people do drugs and i don't judge for it at all#but i just feel weird being the Only sober person and maybe if we were just gonna be at home i'd drink a little#but i am definitely not going to at the concert especially when i know there is a good chance that even though someone else said they'd DD#there is a good chance that i will have to end up driving because it has happened multiple times before#and being in such a crowded public place i am just going to spend the whole time worried about them since they won't be as aware#of their surroundings and that's stressful#i just feel like i have to become the parent and i don't love it#and it has happened so many times and it gets exhausting
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My nightmare scenario for Vol. 3 is *that* one crappy leak from a few months back ending up being completely true 😬😬😬 But I'm, trying very hard to stay hopeful that it won't be and I'm just worried for no reason (as I am known to be)
#lex thoughts#gotg thoughts#universe: mcu#i won't say what exactly the leak entailed bc i don't want to spoil anyone and i don't recommend finding it (it's bad)#but the new trailer starting off with Peter clearly drinking heavily immediately made me go OH NO!!!#i got scared. i'm still scared bc what if the leak was true and ougugghghhghghghhhghhg#anyways im conflicted on the new trailer but im still leaning positive just uh cautious#i'm in a weird space between fearing the worst for everyone on the team and then being like all this foreshadowing is too obvious#-nothing is going to happen to them but ACK! I DONT KNOW !!#I worry the most about Peter and Gamora for different reasons... I'm being swayed that everyone else will end up. fine-ish#i will say that i luv Nebula's new arm that can turn into a flame sword that's so anime#lesbians with sword arms really are the future of the gotg#also i'm not a fan of how dusty and dreary the locations so far have been (i'm hoping we'll see more vol 2 esque locations at some point)#but i DO enjoy how things have been shot and framed so far... the visuals ARE nice. just dusty. i like the consistent uses of red as well
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Few Against the Wind (DAI)
In honor of hitting 10 chapters the first long fic I’ve written in ages, I’m gonna actually make a post about it.
Few Against the Wind by KiaStirling on AO3
Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition (drawing from other Dragon Age media as well in pieces, but not compliant to the full Dragon Age canon)
Main pairing: Solas/Original Inquisitor (Modern Character in Thedas) - slow burn (as in they’re barely even friends yet, expect no romantic overtures for a good while)
Important tags: Multiple PoVs, Asexuality, Religious stuff (author is not religious), Canon-typical violence, languages, Fade Buddies, Fantasy Racism
Summary: A woman falls from the sky just when she’s needed, what could it be but the work of the Maker? Why else should she speak in tongues but for being struck dumb by His grace?
She would disagree if anyone asked her. Could ask her. But by the time she has the words it’s too late, and June is heralded the Herald of Andraste. Burdened with knowledge and an entire system of faith carried on her shoulders that she holds no stock in, an earthling muddles her way through Thedas.
Current Length: 82k+ words/10 chapters (chapter length 5-10k words each) Projected Length: Unclear because scope creep.
#dragon age fanfiction#modern girl in thedas#self-promo#idk I haven't really been this excited about writing something since HPatHC so I'm gonna talk about it#but yeah if Modern Character in Thedas isn't your jam then give it a skip#This fic definitely draws on some established tropes in the genre#and while I hope I've got some fresh takes and new directions#I've hardly read everything to say this is unique in the fandom#idk#prolly won't post again until we're finally at Skyhold#oh right yeah in case you don't want to read Haven stuff yet again uh we're still in Haven#Chapter 10 is post Val Royeaux but pre going to mages/templars#spoilers it's gonna be mages#oh and uh#We also have yet to hit June's PoV#even in the backlog#tldr I didn't wanna write from the PoV of someone who couldn't communicate with anyone#we'll start getting her PoV at the end of the first arc (the attack on Haven) so don't worry it's happening#why am I writing an essay in the tags#oh right 'cause it's 11pm and I should be in bed#um#bye#I hope you didn't actually read all these you poor soul
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.
#i wouldn't go so far to say that i have a particularly self-depricating image of myself#but let's just say that far too many times in the past i've been treated as the disposable one in the relationship#or just.....what i give isn't returned like maybe it should be#so it's just automatic for me to not....have the highest image of myself#so like I said not exactly self-depricating but not exactly the highest either#point with this being that in the situation where in a situation where concern from others is appropriate and warranted for myself#and it is suddenly in my face from very well-meaning friends who are really good friends#i don't know what to do and find the question popping in my head of#why am i suddenly on the receiving end of care and concern like this#it should be me worrying about you guys not the other way around#lasdfjlkslkfjkd#it's hard to explain something like this because logically i know that things are a two way street but i also thing that maybe i don't know#cause sometimes i feel like i get stuck in this scene in my head that goes something like#a warm melancholy of loving others and being loved back but maybe not quite enough#and not being seen quite enough and feeling like sometimes it's too much of a thing to ask for more or for a hug#where everyone is piled on the couch and i'm sitting in the armchair nearby but i don't know how to ask to join in on the couch#even though i really want to#but i don't want to be a hassle or a nuisance so i won't be and remain quiet#i'll watch from afar and long for more and know that one day forever will arrive and this will end and they'll move on without me#because it always happens#and the day someone reaches out or asks for me to stay or tells me i'm not greedy or i'm not too much will never happen#heh
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every once in a while i see an out of context spoiler post about fma03 and get just a little bit more scared
#what the fuck do you mean ed takes on al's appearance and identity. what do you mean the 'he won't that's the end' blooper is canon in 03.#what the FUCK happens in 03#fma#fma03#razi talks#i oughta watch it at some point but im too dedicated to my manga boys and don't wanna destabilize my view of them with diff versions...#worried theyll be too similar characters to separate in my head xP#edit: so apparently al takes on ed's appearance and identity?? and he's from an alternate dimension?? what the fuck is happening
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As someone who selectively believes in miracles and fate and magic...the constant tugging for classics in the back of my mind for the last whole month is getting harder to ignore
#im working a decent job. im earning okayish like i could do w a better pay but classics doesn't have that#so i dont understand the pull...i decided on smth so the pulling and tugging and tossing and turning right now doesn't make sense#i will not forget. i have not forgotten. but what do you mean im reading up forums and constantly looking for things to engage w#it would've not been a point of concern had it not repeatedly happen during work hours#I don't understand tbh#personal#like. yeah i AM worried that this won't stop and I'll end up making a bad financial decision I'll regret and won't be able to justify
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#Delete later#There's so much shit happening in my life right now and this has been haunting the back of my mind for ages and I just ugh#What do you do when your boyfriend is going through some fucked up shit and won't respond to your texts asking if he's ok if he wants to#Hang out later or even just talk about things#Like I asked if he wanted to go to a mall later and it turns out he's going to mfing Arizona and. Didn't tell me at all?#He's going through a lot of stuff right now but I kinda want just like. Basic details of what he's doing?#So I can talk to him without sounding like a idiot? And not have to worry about him when he ghosts me for a couple weeks?#And the whole reason I'm questioning things isn't because he's being frustrating I've been thinking about this for a looong time#At first I thought I might have just been demi aro? Because like we were best friends before we were in a relationship#And I really do care about him I just don't know to what extent (what defines romantic attraction anyways? Never been clear on that)#And I'd break up with him and say I just need a couple weeks to sort things out and I think he'd understand#But also he really doesn't need that stress right now things have been getting really bad on his end#Our relationship isn't actively hurting me but if this trend continues it might eventually#I just really want to talk to him. About things. I hope I'm not doing a bad job handling this#Ufhfhdjajajajahrgehehh#Worth mentioning that Phoebe from Ghostbusters is making me question things as well.#Things are confusing all of the time :(
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