#so do I take the ritalin or not
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Definitely not me on a Saturday afternoon lying in bed struggling with existing
When a person with ADHD complains of severe anxiety, I recommend that the clinician not immediately accept the patient’s label for her emotional experience. A clinician should say, “Tell me more about your baseless, apprehensive fear,” which is the definition of anxiety. More times than not, a person with ADHD hyperarousal will give a quizzical look and respond, “I never said I was afraid.” If the patient can drop the label long enough to describe what the feeling is like, a clinician will likely hear, “I am always tense; I can’t relax enough to sit and watch a movie or TV program. I always feel like I have to go do something.” The patients are describing the inner experience of hyperactivity when it is not being expressed physically.
At the same time, people with ADHD also have fears that are based on real events in their lives. People with ADHD nervous systems are consistently inconsistent. The person is never sure that her abilities and intellect will show up when they are needed. Not being able to measure up at the job or at school, or in social circles is humiliating. It is understandable that people with ADHD live with persistent fear. These fears are real, so they do not indicate an anxiety disorder.
holy SHIT
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literally not gonna get anything done until i've figured out whether there's actually something wrong with my heart or if it's just anxiety so i booked an ekg lets hope they can do it tomorrow so i can get some PEACEEEE
#it hasn't gotten any worse so thats good i think the new meds are fine#but it also hasn't gotten any better even though i haven't taken ritalin in almost a week#idk i don't like that it kept being weird all the days i didn't take any meds at all#hopefully just anxiety! but!#unfortunately the signs of anxiety and about ten different heart problems are the exact same. so.#i haven't had health anxiety in my fucking life so i'm like 🤨#i wouldn't be that stressed about it if i didn't like desperately need to work on the cookbook and to do so i desperately need the meds#and all stimulants are scary when idk if the last ones fucked me up or not#Lets Hope Its Fine#ok my arm hurts now so im literally dying though like fr#its fine.
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me doing work again after i stopped doing work hrs ago a miracle is literally taking place rn nothing like it has ever been seen before
#michelle speaks#unfortunately. i was given a ton of work all at the same time AND my period made me comatose for 2 days#so i had to not go to class today to catch up on my work instead bc my ritalin only lasts so long 😩#but i am caught up now i have smth due at midnight tomorrow which i am going to finish part of rn & then i can finish the rest tomorrow#bc it shouldn’t take me longer than like 3 hrs total & if i finish this today then even less so it will be fine probably 😭#i am so tired rn too but i am still doing this somehow i am going to finish it 😭 i just need to find & download pdfs it’s not that hard……..
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LISTEN TO ME BOY. I AM TALKING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EAR. U GOTTA PUT THIS SONG IN UR EMIZEL PLAYLIST. YOU KNOW YOU MUST. YOU WILL DO THIS FOR ME.
youtube
#THREW THIS UP ONTO TWITTER BUT I NEED MORE MINDS TO INFECT#its also just sucha good song i love you viagra boys i looove youuu#i need more ppl to understand. also im so happy that its canon that emizel has adhd. we are comrades#shout out adderal all my homies fuckin love some adderal. i love taking too much and then feeling really really angry.#i remember posting on twitter b4 da ep; do i still need to take the ritalin if ima vampire' and the QUESTION STILL STANDS..#IF IMA VAMP DO I STILL HAVE THE ADHD#LIKE i probably do but im immune to potion effects or watever so does the adderal even help. do i need to drink a guy who took adderal#hey soda hows it going man are u free rn#Youtube
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it's days like this where i get to bed time and remember after struggling all day to do stuff that i have meds that. let me do stuff. and i forgot them
#like. i did most of the things on my to do list#but none of the FUN things i wanted to do#bc doing the important stuff took Energy#if i remembered to take ritalin i could be so powerful.........#bel speaks#(i'm posting this while procrastinating taking out the trash shh don't tell)
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taking ritaline on days off feels like a treat, i feel good and not using my brain working well for capitalism
#these days it depresses me to think that ritaline works so well for me but at the end of the day it wears off meaning i get home and feel#like an old beat up sock#that can't do shit#(im still not taking it on sundays because you shouldn't take it non stop ? so i skip it on sundays. and i'll do a full week off d#during my holidays in december and then maybe another during the summer ? )#anyway get that diagnosis go see a psychiatrist it's worth it#and i hope you all get the care you deserve to feel better
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whaog i forgot to say i finally got adhd meds :thumbsup:
#not going to have them until tmrw#and obvs idk how these ones will work yet. but we will see#theyre starting me off on non stimulant (like ritalin but a different brand) rather than a stimulant (like adderall)#luckily im not taking any classes so if its no good for me it wont be a huge blow. and we can try the stimulants#depending on how this first month seems to go basically#very excited. maybe i will be able to do stuff
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I have truly been in the weeds with my mental health lately but I found a stray vyvanse pill this morning and unfortunately my doctor was right this is fixing a lot of things for me
#em overshares#its wearing off now (indicated by my presence on Tumblr instead of doing tasks) but its ok im gonna eat some food then take smth else#save me 10mg of ritalin. 10mg of ritalin at 4pm save me)#i still have so much work to do im painting 1 singular room and haven't even finished doing the edges by the ceiling/floor yet#i am simply not a professional so doing home improvement projects does take me 5 business days
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okie time to brush me teeth and tuck myself in with the count of monte cristo
#had to take two ritalins today so i havent been able to relax enough for an audiobook#but two beers and oasis sadness might just do the trick
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life is so good and awesome peace and love on planet earth
#my plans r that im probs gonna go shopping tomorrow bcos i need a few bits in town#need to try out sports bras n then also stock up on vitamins and see if they have a pill box w more than 2 daily compartments#plus itll b nice to walk around a bit after pretty much living in my apartment w only corner store trips for the past couple days#and then the day after that i need to go 2 my parents house bcos ill b out of ritalin and i left the rest there#and ill chill all weekend bcos my next essay isnt until the 20th so i can afford it#and then on monday morning i have a phone call w my psychiatrist (!!)#so ill probably be at my parents house for that#and then try and go back to my apartment. itd b nice to do it in the morning-ish but idk if anyone could drive me 2 the bus stop#so itll probs b in the evening#and then once im in my apartment again ill try get cracking on the essay!!!#i know my '1.5k essay in a day' skillz r likely more a response to deadlines than a skill i can enact at will#but like. ill try and enact it#one of the essay prompts is talking abt a local museum exhibit so i might go do that itd b nice to go to the museum#take the day go to the whole museum and take notes on the specific section and let myself think for a little bit#and then do the essay the next day#and then ill b fucking done for the whole summer!!!! yippee#well there'll be assorted miscellanea needs to get done but whatever. final assignment home free#yayyyyy yippee life so nice and fun. i needed this#gonna finish changing my bedsheets and then do my dishes and get myself some ice cream and then just chill!#ough hang on i can kinda feel myself crashing after my meal. tired again. goddammit. hopefully this is temporary#anyway erm yay yippee things looking up for eimear
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how do you get a life. i want and need one.
#now that im spending precisely 100% less time and energy worrying abt my partner’s wellbeing#my life is lookig remarkably empty#priority one: find more energy#maybe by taking quick release ritalin in the afternoons for a lil boost so i can finish out the day#<- suggested by my shrink and honeslty WHY did i not think of that sooner#priority TWO: make a list of enriching activiities to do and DO THEM#thats it thats my priorities#for now anyways#any ideas? for enriching activities which i can do?#whatever the fuck
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that's it. im writing a suicide note on linkedin
#bheart talks#suicide tw#this is a joke but indicative of how much im GOING THROUGH IT#been making an effort not to talk about personal stuff online anymore but FUCK dude#whats the point of meds and therapy if im still broke as shit#these meds wont help me pay the bills man fuck all of this i have to wait 2 weeks#to adjust the doses every time and something happens in thsoe two weeks#that sends me off the rails spiraling with a hundred new problems#i can only see my therapist for one hour once every two weeks and i just#cant say everything and honestly idk what im even supposed to be DOING there#she just says nice things to me and i waste time talking so much and then time runs out#and i walk away with basically nothjng#and i just realized they o ly prescribed me 30 pills of ritalin instead of 60#so now i have to ration these until i can get more#meanwhile i cant get hired anywhere and my job has cut my hours so bad i only got %7#i only got $70 for my paycheck#im not going to fucking make it this month#i have no car insurance no food in the house no gas in the car and no hours to work#i applied for unemployment but it's taking forever to figure out#im hemorrhaged#im doing bad im doing bad im doing bsd#literally bg3 is the only thread im hanging by this is literally the only thing keeping me together#unsure where id be without it. definitely somewhere worse thats for sure.
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since starting class a month ago i have been on time to class approximately 5 times. none of these times have been on thursdays. so i ask u all now
#michelle speaks#there is a specific reason why. so on thursday i have class for 8 hrs there r breaks but yeah#so on tuesdays & wednesdays i have class for a shorter time so i take my ritalin early & go back to sleep#but i can’t do that on thursdays bc i have class for so long. & ritalin makes it so that u cannot sleep while u have it in ur system#it usually wakes me up but even if not u cannot sleep on it u can go into like a fugue state at most 😭#that’s why they give it to ppl who have the sleep disorder where u randomly fall asleep#so anyway. when i wake up on thursdays i am totally rawdogging it PLUS i know i have 8 hrs of class#PLUS i know i have 8 hrs of my externship the next day so i have no will to live#which translates to me laying in my bed & making pathetic noises for 20 mins which leads me to be late#so given the information i have given i feel there is a correct answer to this poll#or there WOULD be. but i am going to beat the odds……i made it to class on time today 😊#also ftr i am on time to my classes that r not my first class of the day i am only late to the first one 😭
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who was gonna tell me neurotypicals can just get up and do things like this like it's not problem
#I'm taking ritalin for my adhd now and what the FUCK!!!!!!!!#I CAN DO THINGS?? ? ?? I HAVE ENERGY??? IM NOT PASSING OUT FOR A NAP AFTER 4 HOURS OF BEING AWAKE? ? ? ?#I want to run around and stim and throw myself at the wall like a sticky hand im so happy. what the fuck#teo talks
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#le sigh#the sadness returned…#idk what to do#i think it’s that wretched website#ughghghghgghghgghggghhg#i have a therapy session booked when I get home to talk about trans shit so I’ll bring it up then#i almost instinctively went to say tranny shit GET OUT OF MY HEAD#ugh#this is literal brainrot#i feel like I’ve been stuck in my own head so long I’ve forgotten how to live#vyvanse better save me#also im going to try taking a little more ritalin than im supposed to at home to try make me feel better
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one week left
#i think i have to do it#i’ll be miserable my whole life if i dont#there’s bound to be a way to get like#srs and maybe ffs before im 18#get it before uni#then go semi stealth in uni#i’m free from ritalin today so im clear of mind#i think#in my current mindful state#i maybe only need srs and maybe height reduction shit#depending on my final height#and maybe shoulders? idk i’ve been finding them fine lately and my hips getting wider will make them normaler#in terms of ffs it’s just brow lift and maybe jaw slimming and maybe chin reduction#again hrt should help with a lot of that#in terms of coming out the main thing is relating it too my mental health issues and explaining that diy is an option and i should take it#even if my parents aren’t accepting i still have some options in front of me#i can do the ‘suicide method’ where i threaten to kill myself unless i can diy#but that will probably get me pulled out of school and sent to an institution#but apparently it works for some ppl#i can always do it in secret too#the needles will be a hassle but im sure i could pay for it#i also need to figure out the legality of doing diy under 18#and also how going to the doctors would be like#but ultimately that’s stuff i can figure out with my parents#if they are accepting#i could always come out to my sister first#bcs she would be accepting#i’ll ask how she came out and how it went for her#i think my ultimate transition goal should be to pass by the end of highschool#and be able to stealth in uni
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