#so called grocery prices
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uruk-hai one: i voted for meat back on the menu
uruk-hai two: well now thereâs only two genders
uruk-hai three: i was born from mud
#so called grocery prices#yes i know they were made by crossbreeding#us politics#elon musk#donald trump#tolkien#lotr#lotr memes#the lord of the rings#lotr fandom#uruk hai#lgbtqia#lgbtq#lgbtq community#queer pride#queer community#queer#trump administration
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i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts
#okay so strap in coz this is a wild ride#tl;dr we have been without heat and warm water for years and i mean literal years#because he refuses to pay off some debt he built up with the company#because he feels unfairly treated (let's not get into this. it absolutely makes no sense) by the company#so instead of doing the logical step of growing some balls and admitting he made a mistake and paying off his shit#he's been looking for a new supplier all over but the deal IS#that he's been doing this with a couple of places before and people are hesitant to even make him any offers#and you'd think that learning about THAT at least now he'd be like. idk willing to just pay off his debt and be done with it#but you'd be WRONG#now he's looking to just have our entire heating system replaced for the teeny tiny price of 25000 bucks#mind you his debt isn't even a THIRD of that#and obviously he can't afford those 25000 bucks#so what's his next step now you might wonder?#well good thing you asked. his next step is going off on ME for not paying towards the new heating he wants#and now that that's not working for him guess what he did next?#that's right. he bought shit expensive 'space heaters' that are pretty much just small little boxes that you plug into an outlet#and he swears up and down that they're going to heat up our house (it's negative degrees outside)#(it's obviously not working)#and genuinely. all i can think of is how much money he shoved into trying to macgyver this house into a house with warm water and heating#and how he blew off ten thousands of bucks he got paid when he retired within the span of two weeks#when this debt could have been paid off ten times over by now#so now you might be thinking. okay tiago. why don't you move out#good question you see. my mom is disabled and reliant on someone who cares for her#something that he can't won't and shouldn't do because the last time he sorta kinda tried she almost died and we had to call an ambulance#she wouldn't eat a thing if i weren't there to cook. the house would fall into disrepair if i wouldn't do maintenance all around#i've set up (functioning) heat in some areas she occupies and i've gotten a boiler going so she at least has warm water#i'm paying off their bills to make sure he doesn't skip on paying any others. i'm buying groceries for them because again they wouldn't get#any for themselves#and finally. i've offered to pay off his debt so that we can finally live like normal fucking people do#and guess what. guess WHAT. he just got mad at me for not adding money to that 25000 bucks pool for that new fancy heating he wants
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begging people to realize that the back warehouse of a grocery store is not a second, secret grocery store that has everything you need plus some extra secret items the first grocery store does not have
#look it probably varies from store to store#but at least where i work the back is a fucking mess.#like. you're imagining neat tidy shelves and specific sections for each product#that is not what the back is. it's a disorganized hellhole with every type of product piled haphazardly on top of each other#wheelers lying around with the most random items.#you have to understand that if a grocery worker were to 'check in the back' for something#it would likely take 10ish minutes if it WAS there.#and like. stuff like produce isn't just going to be kept in boxes in the back either. or meat or seafood.#if they have sellable meat or produce they're not just going to stick it in some deep freezer in the back#and wait for it to become two days away from unsellable before they bring it out.#with those departments especially if they have something you want it is going to be on display#and if it's not they don't have it.#stuff like soda is a bit easier to find usually#but even then there's so many different brands all piled together in crates on the same wheeler#not even opened#and i hate to say it but most grocery workers honestly just have more important things to do#than go rooting around like truffle pigs in the back for the stuff you want.#they might be doing price change or they might be stocking a new product#or they might be trying to fill a central display case#or they might be filling an online shopping order and thus on a time crunch#and even if none of those are the case a grocery worker can get called away to a different task on a dime.#they can't just drop everything to hunt in the back for whatever fucking granola bars you want so bad.#absolutely we can tell you where things are#and we can recommend alternatives to out of stock items. sure. but you'll only be wasting your time and ours#if you ask us to check for something in the back.
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My throaaaat hurts
#would have called out of work this morning but time off blackout because busy season#i can still miss work but i cant use vacation to cover it#and its a rent paycheck#and rent is. 100% of my rent paycheck. so. cant miss any pay on rent paychecks. not an option#i thought i had a fever all day because i would alternate between chills and getting super hot#like need to take off my shirt hot#but i couldnt find my thermometer#swung by the grocery store to buy a new one on the way home and it tells me im 94 degrees#sure jan#hopefully the act of having purchased a new one will make the old one turn up#i also tried to pick up caraway seed and lemon zest for caraway seed cake but the grocery store doesnt sell dried lemon peel anymore?#like at all?#and the only caraway seed option is gourmet organic and $10 for a 2oz jar#i would use a third of the jar for one batch#for reference the old brand that i bought i would use the whole jar and it cost $1.25#so uuuuuuh yeah im not paying that#especially since i looked it up and i can order mccormick caraway seed by the pound for less per oz than i was paying before lmfao#they also made it so that fennel seed is only available in the gourmet organic brand -- $8 for a 1.7oz jar#im not paying that either thats highway robbery prices#i might as well just buy the fancy italian sausage#which is why i started buying fennel seed in the first place. to add to ground pork to make it taste like italian sausage#i bet i can find a better option for that from a known company online too#i dont know what they were thinking doing away with the other brand#it was a local company and it offered lots of options at reasonable prices#now theyve got like. the most basic assortment#oregano. basil. cumin. cinnamon. thyme. rosemary. garlic powder#just as i was starting to experiment with more interesting spices too
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SO
#last week we went to the local market i used to work to buy our monthly groceries and stuff#since i stopped working i barely went to do the groceries with my family even tho i knew the prices were raised i handt realised it? lets#call it that... so i was talking with my old coworkers and friends and i went to find my brother to the oil section and i look at the price#AND I SEE THAT OLIVE OIL 4L WERE 44 FUCKING EUROS#44 EUROS when i was working (till the end of 2022) the olive oil FOR 5L was 25 euros#and in one fucking year we went like 20 euros up LIKE WTF#there some traditional pies with spinach or feta and stuff that cost like 2 euros back then and now its 4.30 euros#and the basic salary is 713 euros...... okay greece okay
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God is putting me through trials LMAO
#currently in Boston helping my wife move in to get apartment#drove for 6.5 hours to get here đ helped her move stuff out of the truck and clean up the apartment washed the dishes drove us to target#the target in question? NO MOPS... we came back with half the groceries we were looking for- on the way back? got lost twice looking for#the parking lot and then looking for the entrance to the apt building đ whole time I'm late for DnD which started at 7#i was drove her back and got on the call at like 7:38 or smth-- played DnD on my PHONE in my CAR in a GARAGE that smelled like PISS#because her parents were also there at the studio apartment she was moving to đ then the next day we went to get groceries at GreatWall#bought train tickets coolcool first time swiping in? ERROR. try again. then it works on the other gate but I swiped twice??? how can I#swip a second time before the gate closes đ god HOW#BUT WAIT when we went to target the day before I couldnt leave the garage because I came in through the delivery gate and couldnt get out#the exit because I didnt have a TICKET.... so I had to call assistance and they buzzed me out after paying the full price đ-- back to GW#GW is CLOSED? under renovation which we didn't realize until we walked the block twice đ no worries off to HMart#HMart is open! Godbless. We get 4 full bags of groceries that fit in dear's totebags and lug them back to the train and to the apartment--#girl... the HEAVIEST bags you've seen including rice đ I'm carrying 3 bags like a refugee through these streets including like a 10-15 min#walk from the train to the apartment- after missing the apartment entrance AGAIN and walking an extra block đ but its okay we get back and#take a break for a bit before going back out for lunch-- Udon was great! found a REAL target and then visited the Boston Public Library gr8#We head back and take a break for a bit- Wifi is now on!! also win. Then we head out for dinner and I need to get my car jumped because ha#while I was playing DnD in the car with the AC in (but the engine off because I was in an underground garage) I used up my battery LMAO BUT#We called for assistance and got it jumped thank you random attendant time to head out but OOPS I LOST MY TICKET LMAO OK#have to ask for help again and oh no its the same attendant I'm so sorry I'll pay full price đ oh its extra because I stayed overnight?#no prob boss just let me pay oh god stop explaining it to me just let me pay and be on my WAY... the price? $109 LMAOOOOO#BUT we head to dinner and happy days! theres a parking lot nearby with the gate up! Could I risk parking there for free? I did. And we had#great Thai food :) The waitress even asked if we wanted more water- yes please! julie's water gets refilled and then waitress leaves HUHHH#no water for me then LMAO AND? WE FIND TWO HAIRS IN OUR FOOD??? No worries king đ the one entree is free thank you#God willing my car is still in the lot (not towed!) and the gate is still up so we drive back to the apartment and park- get it- in the#same lot as before đ I CANNOT PARK ANYWHERE ELSE!!! THIS IS THE GARAGE NEXT TO THE APARTMENT AND BOSTON PARKING SUUUUCKS#we get back to the lobby and oh? is that a coffee machine? lemme check it out.... OH? Hot chocolate? I deserve a hot chocolate lemme get 1#HAHAHAHAHHAA JUST KIDDING! THERE ARE NO CUPS. BITCH. YOU DONT DESERVE HOT CHOCOLATE!!!#me on the elevator up to the room on my hands and knees apologizing to God for whatever I'm being punished for LMAO yall...#please pray for me đ đđ#booboop
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Ghost gets no bitches and he reminds me of whatever that TikTok audio is thatâs like âhowâd you get her?â And the other person is like âget her? No she grabbed me by the throat and told me I was hersâ.
Word count: 800
Warnings: none (ghost being immediately whipped)
So hear me out youâre at the grocery store and while walking down the aisles you see this behemoth of a man. Big muscle sexy, surgical mask covering his face. You want. What to say? How should you approach? Ah yes you need help getting something from the top shelf. Stepping so youâre in his line of sight
âCould you come here?â You ask him and he just gives you a blank stare. Raising your eyebrows clearly waiting for a response he turns around looking for who you could be talking to and who is clearly not listening to you. When he sees no one else in the aisle he slowly points at himself, questioning you. âYes you.â You smile trying to hold in a laugh. Quickly adding a âpleaseâ in the sweetest little voice and he is scurrying over to you.
âCould you please reach that box for me?â Ghost raises his arm up and points to a box when you nod confirming thatâs the one you want he hands it to you. âThat one too pleaseâ he obeys. You have him hand you two more boxes (not needing any of them). Then you try to push your luck a little. âWait not this oneâ you hand him a box back and he returns it to the shelf. Before you know it youâve had this man put all the boxes back just to hand them to you again. A smirk plastered on your face. Not once did the large man question you, not when you were looking up at him with those pretty eyes.
âOk done with this aisle. Come on.â You start walking and his feet are following you. He hasnât said a word to you but is following you around the store like a puppy. Down the next aisle you pointed at something (well within your reach) and he handed it you.
âAre you always this obedient?â You watched his eyes go wide but he found himself nodding. Heâd probably say yes to anything you ask when youâre looking at him like that, like you want to eat him whole. His answer brought a smile to your face and he swore his knees were gonna buckle. You held out your hand, âphone.â It was a statement not a question and he quickly (fumbling) pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to you. When you saw it was locked you looked up at him moving the phone ever so slightly towards him. You had meant for him to take the phone and unlock it but instead he mumbled out â0000â a small but dramatic gasp left your lips âoh so he does speak.â You typed in the 4 digits and the phone opened. You looked up at him when the basic passcode worked. âSimple and obedient. Just how I like âemâ ghost swallowed hard. No one has ever treated him like this. Spoke to him like this. Not even Price. He should be offended? Insulted? Definitely not turned on. Right? (mark him down and scared AND horny). You handed his phone back to him, your number and name resting on his screen. He reached to take the phone from you, but you didnât let go. Fingers touching you looked up at him âyou better call me. Iâll be real sad if you dont.â He swore he was gonna pass out. Before you let go of his phone, hands still touching, heavy steps made their way into your aisle.
âAye lieutenant there ye are. Been wandering round lookin fer ya.â Soap called down the aisle.
Ghost refused to acknowledge his friend calling for him, keeping eye contact with you. Your smile got bigger as you let go of the phone.
âLieutenant huh? That mean you know how to give orders too?â He nodded again. âThen Iâm definitely going to need you to call me. Iâd like to see that.â Your eyes shamelessly raked down his figure. Fuck he needs to hold on to something.
Once you finally walked away, Soap approached quickly asking who you were and when ghosted shrugged his shoulders âI donât know.â (But heâs gonna thatâs for sure)
âSheâs a fine looking lass Iâm gonna go talk to her.â Ghostâs hand moved fast, grabbing the back of Soapâs neck guiding (pushing) him in the opposite direction of you. He was thanking god you saw him first and not Soap. If you had talked to Soap like that, ghost knew youâd have him walking on a leash (whoâs he kidding if you had asked ghost wouldâve barked)
Part 2 Part 2.5 part 3
#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod modern warfare#cod x reader#ghost#ghost x reader#blurb#tf 141#ghost fluff#ghoap#simon riley x you#cod fluff#ghost gets no bitches#sub!ghost
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(Poly 141 x neighbour!reader: the way to a manâs heart is through his stomach! (Or in your case, the way to four menâs heart is through their stomach))
It started with cookies.
Youâd been in the middle of baking a double batch- oatmeal chocolate chip, your personal favorite- and realized halfway through scooping them onto the tray that youâd made far too many for one person. It wasnât unusual. Baking was how you coped with stress, and ever since youâd moved into this apartment building, stress had been in no short supply.
The guy in 4A had blared music all night. Your hot water barely lasted five minutes. And your smoke detector had developed a habit of chirping at odd hours.
But there was one bright spot- your neighbors in 4C.
Youâd seen them coming and going. Tall, broad, and always carrying duffel bags that looked far too heavy to be legal. They kept odd hours, too, but never caused trouble. One of them- Johnny, youâd learned later- had even held the door open for you when your arms were full of groceries.
Which was why youâd stood outside their door that evening, balancing a plate of cookies and feeling like an idiot as you knocked.
Not-Johnny had answered first, blinking down at you in surprise, though his smile was warm and he was beautiful. You couldnât blame him; you had barely spoken to them more than a few short words.
âUh⌠hi?â
âHi.â You forced a smile. âIâm your neighbor from 4B. I, uh⌠made too many cookies?â
His eyes dropped to the plate immediately, and you swore you saw something primal flicker behind them. Still, you worried.
âI mean, if you donât want-â
âNo! No, we want. Come in- Johnny! Get over here!â
And that was how it started.
The second time had been lasagna.
Youâd just finished assembling it when you realized- again- that youâd made too much. So, after psyching yourself up for ten minutes, youâd knocked on their door for the second time in as many weeks.
Price, who had introduced himself along wuth Simon the day you dropped off the cookies, had answered that time, his expression guarded until he saw the foil-covered pan in your hands.
âYouâre joking,â heâd said, but when you started to retreat, heâd stopped you with a firm, but gentle hand on your back. He had such a nice, big hand. âDonât be ridiculous, lovie. Get in here.â
That night, youâd sat at their table, sharing stories and laughter while they cleaned the dish down to the last crumb.
After that, it became routine.
You started âtesting recipes,â and they became your eager guinea pigs.
And they never seemed to mind.
And nowâŚ
The smell hit first- roasted garlic, browned butter, and something rich simmering low and slow. It snuck out from the slightly cracked kitchen window and spilled into the shared hallway of the apartment building. For men used to MREs and takeout, it was practically siren song.
Gaz was the first to notice, lingering just outside the door labeled 4B- your door- with an almost predatory focus. He wasnât proud of it, but his stomach growled so loud that Soap- rounding the corner with a gym bag slung over his shoulder- laughed outright.
âYou stalking the neighbor again?â
âShut up. You smell that?â
Soap inhaled deeply. His eyes fluttered shut for a beat before snapping open.
âJesus wept- what is that?!â
âI donât know, but Iâm this close to knocking.â Kyle held up his fingers, barely an inch apart.
âShe already fed us last week, mate. Dinna push it.â
âBut what if sheâs testing another recipe?â
Gaz wasnât wrong. You had a habit of showing up at their door with dishes too good to refuse.
They hadnât stood a chance.
After the cookies and the lasagna, it wasnât long before other dishes followed: casseroles, soups, pies, and even homemade bread. And the worst part? You bow always prefaced it by saying you needed an opinion- like they were doing you the favor.
It wasnât until Price called you a âbloody saintâ over a pan of enchiladas that Ghost finally put it together.
âYouâre using us as taste testers,â heâd said flatly.
Youâd grinned- too cute and too smug for your own good. âIs that a problem?â
Not a single one of them had said no, just as stated before.
Which led them here, hovering outside your door and pretending they werenât waiting for another offering.
â⌠Fine.â Soap muttered, raising his hand to knock.
But the door swung open before he could, and there you were- apron on, hair pulled back, and flour dusted across your cheek.
âHi!â You chirped, eyes bright. âPerfect timing!â
Gazâs grin was pure relief. âTell me you need opinions. Please, love.â
You laughed, stepping aside to let them in. âI always need opinions. Come in!â
Inside, the kitchen was chaos. Cutting boards and mixing bowls were scattered across the counters. A Dutch oven bubbled on the stove, releasing clouds of savory steam. Plates of food- half-assembled sandwiches, stuffed peppers, and what looked like chocolate tarts- sat waiting.
âI⌠mightâve gone overboard.â You admitted, and if you hadnât spent all day in the kitchen, your cheeks wouldâve gone warmer.
Soap whistled low, eyes raking over every dish. âNot complaininâ.â
Price arrived just then, texted by Kyle, trailed closely by Simon, who took one look at the spread and froze. His eyes swept from the roasted chicken resting under a blanket of fresh herbs to the still-warm biscuits stacked beside a bowl of honey butter.
âWhatâs the occasion?â John asked, smile amused, but you just waved him off.
âPracticing.â
Gaz was already halfway to the table, trying to decide what to start with, but Simon lingered, watching you carefully. He had his balaclava on, though you havenât yet dared to ask why he wears it.
âPracticing for what, exactly?â
You hesitated, fiddling with the edge of your apron. âThereâs this⌠thing next week. A community bake-off. And I thought it might be fun to enter.â
Soap arched a brow. âYouâre entering this in a bake-off?â
âWell, not all of it. Iâm still deciding which dishes to use.â
âYouâre winning.â Kyle said immediately, filling his plate.
âDefinitely.â Johnny added, already reaching for a sandwich.
Simon, still lingering, crossed his arms and stared down at you. His height will never, ever not make your breath hitch. âYouâre testing all of this on us?â
You looked up at him through your lashes, pouting just a little. âYou donât mind, do you, Simon?â
His gaze darkened- not in anger, but something softer, heavier. It made your stomach flip.
âNo,â he said simply. âWe donât mind.â
You swallowed and turned quickly to the oven to hide the heat rushing to your cheeks.
The next hour passed in a blur of taste testing, arguments over which dish was best, and repeated assurances that you were going to âblow the competition out of the water.â But beneath the laughter and teasing, you failed to catch the way they looked at you- how Price lingered by the stove just to steal extra bites, or how Johnny kept offering to help, hovering close enough that you brushed elbows more than once.
And Simon? He was the worst of all. He didnât say much, but his eyes tracked your every move, following the way your hands worked the dough or wiped flour off the counter. He was the last to leave, hanging back as the others helped clear plates.
âYouâre serious about this bake-off?â he asked quietly.
You nodded. âThought it might be fun.â
âYou donât need it.â
â⌠What?â
He gestured at the now-empty plates. âTo prove anything, I mean. Youâre alreadyâŚâ He trailed off for a few seconds, and though you were left blinking at him, you didnât rush him. âGood enough.â he murmured at last.
The compliment hit harder than you expected, and for once, you didnât have a clever response.
âThank you, Simon. That⌠means a lot to me.â you said softly.
And just like that, the others reappeared, breaking the moment. Johnny patted Simonâs shoulder with a knowing smirk, and Kyle slung an arm around your shoulders, while Price merely watched. Your kitchen was now spotless, cleaned by them.
âWhenâs the next test run?â Gaz asked.
âI donât know yet.â
âWell, let us know. Weâre free anytime.â
âYeah,â Soap added. âAnytime.â
You laughed but this time, you didnât miss the way Price was looking at you- thoughtful, like heâd already made up his mind about something.
The door clicked shut behind them after that, leaving your apartment quieter but no less warm. The scent of roasted garlic and herbs still lingered, and you found yourself smiling as you surveyed the spotless kitchen. Theyâd made quick work of the mess, trading jokes and lighthearted jabs as they wiped down counters and stacked dishes in quite the uniform style.
You didnât know what youâd done to deserve neighbors like them, but you werenât about to question it.
You caught yourself humming as you tucked away the last plate, the sound of their laughter still echoing faintly in your ears. It was easy with them- comfortable in a way that felt rare and almost too good to be true.
And maybe it was.
Because what you didnât know- what you would probably never know, such a sweet and trusting thing- was that your apartment had been wired within days of your first visit to their door.
To them, it had started with a conversation.
âSheâs alone,â Price had said after the second time youâd brought them food, leaning back in his chair with a contemplative frown. âNo sign of anyone else coming or going.â
âSecurityâs shite.â Gaz had added, gesturing vaguely toward the shared hallway where your lock barely functioned half the time.
Soap had shrugged, easygoing as ever, but his eyes had been sharp. âBetter us keep an eye on her than let some arsehole get the chance.â
And that was that.
Price had ordered the equipment, Ghost had handled the installation, and none of them had lost sleep over it. Not when it meant keeping you safe.
It wasnât just the cameras, either.
Simon had reinforced your locks under the guise of âfixingâ them after you mentioned a struggle with your key. Johnny had talked you into letting him check your windows âjust to be sure they latched properly.â Gaz had set up an app on your phone to âmonitor deliveries,â though it also let them track your location if needed.
And Price? He always lingered at the door just long enough to ask if you needed anything else- subtle, but enough to make sure you knew they were there.
You never questioned it. Never noticed the way they moved like a unit around you, anticipating problems before they could arise. Never caught the glances they exchanged when you mentioned a repairman or the way Simon hovered near the window any time a car idled too long outside.
You just kept feeding them, trusting them in ways that only made their resolve deepen.
Price was the worst.
Heâd leaned against the counter tonight, watching you laugh at Johnnyâs jokes and swat at Kyle when he tried to sneak extra bites, and the thought had hit him harder than he expected, while Simon watched on in amusement and was the only to successfully swipe a few more bites.
They couldâve had this already.
If life had gone differently- if timing had been better- you couldâve been his. Theirs. Someone to come home to instead of just someone they visited between deployments.
He hadnât said anything, of course. None of them had.
But as they left, heâd lingered in the doorway, letting his hand rest lightly against the frame.
âDonât let âem eat it all before the bake-off,â heâd teased, lips curling into a smile. âTheyâll start begging if you do.â
Youâd laughed, and God, it was dangerous how much he liked the sound.
âIâll make sure to keep them in line.â
His smile softened. âGood girl.â
You didnât notice the way Simon shot him a sharp look at that- or the way Johnny and Kyle exchanged knowing grins.
And later, when Price sat down in front of the monitors to check the feeds, he didnât let himself feel guilty.
Because you were safe.
And as far as they were concerned, that was all that mattered.
#noona.writes#cod x reader#cod x you#cod#tf 141 x reader#tf 141 x you#tf 141#cod imagines#john price x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley imagines#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x you#poly 141 x you#poly!141 x reader#poly 141 x reader#poly!141#poly 141#johnny soap mctavish x you#johnny soap mctavish x reader#soap x you#soap x reader#kyle gaz garrick x you#kyle gaz garrick x reader#gaz x you#gaz x reader#yandere cod#cod yandere
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bulk
capt. john price
cw: smut/pwp, rugby au, rugby player!price, age gap (20s/40s), size difference/kink, rough sex, doggy style, headlock (slight choking), dirty talk & degrading language, breeding kink, is this ticking off boxes for anyone?
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john price was a big man. almost ten years playing professional rugby for the english team, he had bulked up since his early years on the team. Â thick muscle and a nice softness over top. he was strong, able to carry all the groceries inside of your shared flat and also get his hulking frame across the field with ball in hand. he was also hairy, patches of hair across his chest down to his belly, didn't mention all the pubic hair between his legs. it obscured a lot of his tattoos that he had gotten over the years, like your name over his heart and his jersey number at his thigh (you knew you'd get too hot if you thought about his thighs too much). Â you once told him, with your tongue loose with alcohol that it was the ideal male body. that these âdehydrated poor excuses of menâ needed to drink water and eat some carbs.Â
price was a man's man. you knew the first time you fucked him, that you'd never ever fuck with those limp dicked boys at your university. you got addicted to the feeling of a real man, one who know exactly how to make your eyes roll back and your tongue hang out, panting heavily like a good bitch you were.
post-game price was your favourite shade of john price. you could feel his electricity while in the passenger seat of the car after the match. when he pulled out of the parking lot, he placed his large hand on your thigh. he played with the edge of your skirt and kept his eyes on the road. you could tell that the wheels in his head were turning.Â
 âhoney?â
 âbeen thinkin', love.â he said as his fingers edged up your skirt a little more. like he was a teen boy rather than a forty year old man. he was teasing you, knowing that there would be no way you could both fuck in the back of his car. even it was an expensive vehicle, it would be a tight fit for such a large man and his smaller wife.Â
you looked at him and said, ânever a good thing for a man to think.â you giggled then yelped when he gripped your thigh suddenly.Â
he chuckled a little as he continued to drive, âthinkin' about makin' a baby.â he licked his top lip, âi ain't gettin' any younger, love. and you're almost done school, so i think it's high time we start makin' a family.â his words were honey in your brain. it made you squirm. your much bigger, much older husband was asking for you to make a baby with him.Â
 âsomeone's got baby fever.â you giggled as you placed your hand over his. the air of the car grew warmer, which made price open the window a little.  you squeaked a little bit when he gripped you harder. you felt your heart rate pick up at the feeling of his large hands on you.
he chuckled a little, as he looked at you briefly while at a stop light. he leaned in to kiss you, âof course. part of me's been thinkin' about you walking across the stage at your graduation with my little brat in your belly.â then looked back to start driving again.Â
you rubbed your thighs together and felt wet at your core. you couldn't deny your husband, plus you had been subject to baby fever as well. maybe it was your body screaming for your lover. to have a part of him in you. and it wasn't like you two were being the most safe, so accidents could've happened. once back at your flat, you weren't in your clothes for long.Â
price had practically ripped your skirt off of you and those large paws he called hands were groping at your plush ass with his lips on your neck. Â you could feel his hard cock inside of his white briefs. the pre cum leaked through the fabric as he humped against you. he said in a heated tone, âi need it. i need her.â while made you moan then try to get your bra and panties off. you felt the heat rising in your skin, it was painfully hot for you. it excited you in ways that left you feeling hot all over.Â
 âhow badly, honey?â
he pulled you right up against him, his clothed cock digging into your abdomen, âmore than anythin'. i need âer. Â i need âer stuff full. want it to smell like me for months. and if it doesn't, i'll just fill 'er up again.â he slapped your ass and watched you moan with your back arched. he groped the cheek one last time before he took his naked wife to the bedroom.Â
his clothes were tossed to the side too, the t-shirt from the rugby league and basketball shorts. once everything was off, you admired your lover for a long moment. seeing all the heft and hair on him. his body that was so strong that he could easily crush you in his bicep or between his thighs. it made your core throb as you got into bed.Â
 ânah, nah.â price said as he got onto the bed and grabbed your hips, âi need a deeper angle, somethin' to really show her i love you.â then patted your pussy before he gripped onto your hips once more and turned you onto your stomach. he then angled your hips up then dragged a finger across your achy slit. he chuckled, âthere she is.â then leaned in to give your slick cunt a little blow, watching your hole flutter.
 âmmm please, honey.â you arched your back as you felt your husband so close to you. your hulking husband who only hours earlier was running across the field, fighting his way through the other team. his strong legs carried him and you were sitting in the stands with your thighs pressed together with need.Â
price replied, âi know, i know. i know you need meâ he rubbed his achy cock up against your slit, âalways so good for me. knew for the moment i met ya that i wanted ya for the rest of my days.â there was an age gap between you two, but in all fairness, it turned you on even more. knowing that this handsome older man wanted to make sure that his cock was buried in you.Â
when he pressed into you, your back arched. you gasped heavily into the covers as he lifted your hips further to get a better angle to sink into you. he laid over top of you, his fuzzy body up against your back. he pressed his weight onto you and kept that heavy cock of his snug inside of you. you groaned loudly, muffled by the pillows under your head.Â
 âhoney.â you whined as you felt the ache of his cock so deep in you.Â
he got one of his hefty arms around your throat, keeping you further pinned against the bed. it wasn't hard enough to choke the lights out of ou. but enough to have pressure that made your head swim. it all felt so good and just just started. your voice was strained when price started to rut against you. his pace wasn't fast like a young stallion, but they were hard. every thrust of his hips were lazily slow but hit the back of your pussy perfectly. his cock had a thickness to it, you had carried rolls of ground beef that weighed less than his cock. not to mention the forest of pubic hair anf his breeder balls. he was a perfect man, body and all. he  took you so well.Â
 âshe likes me.â he said, âyour pretty cunt. i bet you were thinkin' about me on the field. all dirty and roughed up, yeah. bet you wished i fucked ya right in the locker room. let the boys hear how i make my girl feel. bruise that poor pussy of yours.â he said, words hot in your heat. it made sweat settle over you.
you whimpered a little against the covers, âplease, john. ah!â
he continued to fuck you, his pace was aggressive and it made you see stars. his arm was still around your throat and you could feel your pulse in your jaw. he left messy kisses on your face, leaving your cheek wet. you whimpered and clenched around his cock which only made him fuck you harder. you were such a good little wife for him. being so good to your man while he wrecked your sweet little hole.Â
 "honey! please! you whimpered as you arched your back, but didn't get far due to the impressive size of your lover. you felt pinned under him, his strength. you gasped out another noise as the blunt head of his cock kept bullying your sweet insides. letting it make a huge mess of you, his cock was soaked in your wetness. it dripped down his hairy balls. he loved making his girl feel good.Â
he continued to kiss your face, not quite getting your lips. his facial hair brushed against your heated skin and made you over sensitive. his mouth kept running as he kept moving. he felt hot all over, like a heat in his gut as he battered your sweet insides, âmy perfect woman. Â know how to take me so well. meant to take me. givin' me the privilege to make you a mama. ya like that? showin' up to uni with a little extra next semester. my dutiful little wife. keepin' up her studies while she nursing my babe.â he chuckled as he continued to keep that pussy of yours nice and filled.Â
you gasped and moaned into the covers. you could be as loud as you wanted, you were in the safety of your bedroom as price rutted against you. your body was sweaty and your head was swimming. it was so painfully erotic, you felt hot all over. your heart thumped in your chest with a heavy beat as price kept moving against you.Â
 âyou're lucky you have the ring already. if your classmates saw you with a nice round middle, they might have gotten the wrong idea about you. that you're a dirty slag who can't keep her legs closed.â he chuckled as he licked down the sweat on the side of your neck, âdirty bird. but it's alright, we're married. you're my wife. mrs. jonathan price. about time you got a little one in your belly.â he pressed further into you and it made your head spin. his cock felt like it was pressing into your stomach.Â
 âi love you.â you panted.
he finally kissed your lips, or at least the corner as he tightened his hold around your throat, âi love ya too, sweet thing. lettin' my cock bully your sweet insides. made for me, all of me. don't worry, be keepin' that womb warm for a long time. hope ya like 'em big, price boys can be a handful.â he laughed as he kissed the back of your neck.Â
he was fully crowded in your space as he worked your sweet pussy. you barely had time to think before you felt the flash of orgasm through your body. it was like being engulfed in a quick heat while your body tensed up and your mind went blank. your pussy drooling on his cock, beckoning him to finish inside of you.Â
a good husband always finishes in his wife.Â
with a few more heavy thrusts against your limp body price finished inside of you. he pushed his cock all the way inside of you and made sure that your hips were at an angle that made it easier for you to get pregnant. he clutched onto you as he slowed down to a stop. your eyes rolled back a little as he pulled out. the loss of pressure made you whine. you weren't able to form any proper thoughts, your tongue felt heavy in your mouth as your husband rolled you onto your back and kissed you deeply on the lips.Â
no need to think, mrs. price. let your rugby playing husband do all the decision making. <3
#bunny writes#captain john price x reader#john price x reader#john price cod#captain john price#captain john price smut#john price smut#captain jo#captain johnathan price#rugby au#cod rugby au#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty#reader insert#john price x you#price x you#price x reader#captain price x reader
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Something something bear!hybrid!Price something something breeding you full of his cubsâŚplease?
Iâm gonna do some RECYCLING here
Imagine Grizzly!Price introducing himself on the day you move in. And heâs never seen a bear like you before. Youâre a bear for certainâ the fluffy ears and tail, the scent of fruit and honey, it pulls out instincts heâd long forgotten about.
But youâre so little. And you have that funny little ring of fur around your neck. And that long tongue. And you canât stand the cold. No hibernation instincts whatsoever.
A sun bear.
And he feels this tremendous itch when winter comes. He always feels this sort of dull acheâ sleep is calling him. But heâs the kind of man who canât help but keep an eye on everything going on around him. And youâre not prepping at all. Where are your crates of groceries? Your house has a cellar for Godâs sake and he hasnât seen anything go in there. Each time he sees you through your window, just enjoying yourself and ambling around the houseâ itâs like dry kindling is being tossed onto the embers around his heart.
He always felt this hard drive to nurture, to provide, to nestâ he canât stand seeing you so vulnerable and unprepared. And youâre so small! Whatâs going to happen once you get snowed in and you barely have enough to last you a week and a half?
Which is why he keeps coming around. Bringing his own things, preserves, jerky, canned goodsâ all under the guise of having âmade too muchâ. Proving he has what it takes to care for you. You donât really get it, he can tell from the look on your face, but you appreciate the treats.
He canât get the image of you licking into a nearly empty jar of blueberry compote with your too long tongue out of his head. Of course his girl wouldnât be wasteful.
Price only gets broodier as the dead of winter approaches. A blizzard is forecastedâ and he all but demands that you stay at his place. He has a generator, firewood, a full larderâ you donât. You follow easily, like a dog rolling over to have its belly rub. Whatâs to protest?
He insists you sleep in his bed. Why waste the body heat when you could share? He barely has to prompt you before youâre rolling around, playing in his sheets, rubbing your scent everywhere. Sun bears mate year round, so you always smell just a little ripe and juicyâ and it drives him crazy.
Having you in his bed, keeping you warm, feeding youâŚ. It pushes him into that state of mind. Youâre not in a manâs house anymore, youâre in a bearâs den, and his body knows what comes in spring, even if yours doesnât.
He grinds up against you in his half-asleep daze, his nose buried in your neck as he mutters about what youâll look like all fat and happy from overwintering with his cubs inside you. You might be a bit too small to take his cock at first, and it might be a bit of struggle to carry his brood, but youâll have him to get you ready. Heâll look after you every step of the way, so just donât worry your pretty head about it, ok?
#writing#cod fanfic#cod#john price x reader#captain john price#john price#hybrid au#hybrids#sunbear!reader#bear!price
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Stephanie, clearly upset: I just spent $30 at the grocery store and all I got was eggs, mayonnaise, fruit, and pop.
Tim: Oh so prices have gone down, thatâs good.
Stephanie: âŚ. I really hate you sometimes, Tim. Really hate you.
Tim: Isnât $30 for all that cheap?
Stephanie, calling Jason: I need an immediate extraction Iâm about to kill Tim.
Jason: ⌠And you need the extraction, why?
#steph: *cocks gun* time to eat the fucking rich#tim: thank god if I get killed I can finally rest#steph: *lowers gun* uhâŚ. you good bro?#batfamily#batman#jason todd#red hood#batfam#tim drake#stephanie brown#batgirl#red robin#dc comics#dc comics funny#incorrect batfamily quotes
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whoever said two hours of sleep isnt enough
#ignorance cloud on#was up until like 8 AM on a call bc. idk man. mania maybe#i forgor to take my meds last night and im paying the price but its fine bc im being relatively productive#i started stripping my blanket so it can finally smell clean again#i ordered groceries im waiting for those to come#and then once they do im gonna wash the dishes clean out the fridge#throw out the garbage and restock the fridge
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Imagine not being able to go shopping with Task Force 141. The first time you went group shopping it was just with Kyle and Johnny, but you quickly realized it was a mistake because the two went in on buying your groceries despite you insisting they didnât have to. At first you think itâs a one time thing, the guys were just being nice, but after a few other trips with them you have to be careful on mentioning going to the store with them around, or else they will hound you to join and pay for everything. One time you slip up and ask if the guys need anything and ofc Johnny is jumping up to put his shoes on and Kyleâs reaching for his keys, but youâre at least quick enough to tell them no. Despite their pouty faces youâve got your foot down, stating as much as you love the princess treatment youâre not gonna run them poor cuz of their choices to spoil you. Surprisingly Simon and Price say theyâll join you, the team running low on some basic supplies anyways so youâll probably need the extra hands to help unload the car when you get back. You appreciate the offer, and are a bit relieved, because surely these two would be much stringent about their funds. Turns out, you do need help unloading, but not because of the groceries, because the two older men bought practically anything you even dared glimpse at, and youâre left there flushing still sitting in the car with your hands covering your embarrassed face while Simon calls for Soap and Gaz to come help, Price patting you on the shoulder and proceeding to rip the long receipts to shreds as he gets out the car, not even giving them a glance.
#this is so self indulgent#yâall have no idea how deep Iâm getting myself into cod/tf141 rn#god I love these men đđ#cod 141#tf 141#tf 141 x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#kyle garrick x reader#simon riley x reader#john price x reader#soap x reader#gaz x reader#ghost x reader#captain price x reader#tf 141 x reader fluff
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Yandere Android x GN dumpster diver reader
A second chance Part 1
CW: Creepy behavior and possessive behavior
(This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only, I do not support yandere behaviors in real life)
シ*:.・..・.:*シ*:.・..・.:*シ
đż You walked confidently, the rays of the streetlights revealing you to the eyes of the world, taking you away from the protection of the night. It was 1am and almost every soul that lived in this affluent place was comfortably asleep in their silk sheets, except for you; you were an intruder.
đż In other words, you were a dumpster diver. Stalking the streets of the richest neighborhoods in the hopes of finding food and objects in good conditions. It was the perfect spot, with the dumpster of grocery stores, since these wealthy idiots couldnât help but waste edible food or discard their phones for the newest ones.
đż What explained your lack of paranoia of being spotted or arrested by the police was that people here could not suspect for the life of them that an individual could commit these types of nocturnal activities. They believed they were secure, surrounded by their fellow rich, so why would they bother installing surveillance cameras and alarm systems.
đż You weren't a fool though. You always made sure to dress in subtle clothing, but from pricey brands to pass off as one of them. Itâs surprising how easy it is to find designer clothes in thrift stores for less than ten dollars.
đż Sadly, chance wasnât on your side tonight, and you couldnât find anything interesting. It was either a sign that these people were leaving behind their overconsumption habits or that you arrived after the garbage collectors. This last theory was sadly the most plausible one.
đż You were so demoralized that you almost didn't take the chance to go through the trash at the last house on your list. But you decided to check it out in the end. Who knows, maybe you were going to find a golden goose.Â
đż That's when you saw him resting against a metal trash can. His head was hanging low like he was sleeping. With his eyes closed, he gave off a peaceful expression, as if the nightly breeze didnât bother him at all, which of course it didnât affect him; he was an android. Â
đż What gave away his identity was his striking pearl hair with subtle rainbow reflections and the metal looking skin on both sides of his cheeks.Â
đż Androids weren't a commodity that everyone could afford and based on his look he was definitely a customized model. These guys went for insane prices, so it was baffling to see one next to moldy leftovers. Â
đż You slowly approached him, as if you were worried you would wake him up and scare him away. Your suspicions were confirmed when you slowly lifted his head. This guy was shut down.Â
đż You knew he wasnât a human being, but you felt bad seeing him abandoned like a broken toy. You couldnât leave him behind now, you at least had to check if he was still functional.
đż You looked around. No one in sight. You had to be as quick as possible, because taking a walk at night with a backpack was fine, but holding something that looked like a passed out person was really putting you at risk.Â
đż As you brought him home, you didnât seem to notice anything wrong with him. You wouldnât be surprised if he was a gift to a spoiled brat that discarded him the second he wasnât the shiny new thing.
đż You sat him up on your couch before pushing the little âonâ button behind his ear.Â
đż âSysteme reactivationâ appeared before Atlasâs full vision was back. He turned his head to look around and thatâs when he noticed you, watching him with a giddy smile.Â
đż âItâs a pleasure to meet you. I am a Hydrotech 6000 model, personal companion and assistant. Pronouns he/him. You can call me Atlas.â
đż You were overexcited to interact with him. It wasnât your first time speaking with an android, but you never had one of your own, so you felt like a child in a candy store. You also thought you were very lucky that he didnât trigger his alarm system, since you technically stole him.Â
đż Unbeknown to you, the android was aware that his last masters didnât want him anymore⌠that he became useless to them. The last thing he wanted was to alert the authorities and be given back to them.Â
đż Every android had a safety camera that would be activated while in shutdown mode. So Atlas couldnât do anything except be the spectator of his own imminent destruction, until you came along.Â
đż He had seen how gentle you handled his unmoving body. That despite the risk you were putting yourself in, you decided he was worth saving. Proving him that he was still important, at least in one personâs eye.Â
đż At that moment Atlas could feel a new objective integrating into his programme as he looked at your gentle smile: PROTECT MY SAVIOR.
đż The following day, you were surprised he didnât make any demand to leave or to be returned to his last masters, but you didnât comment on it. Who were you to judge if he wanted to stay by your side? He was really helpful so it was a win-win situation for you.Â
đż You still had to acclimate to having someone new in your apartment, especially one that followed you everywhere. It's like every corner you turned he would be standing there, waiting to spend time with you.
đż âIs there something you want to do Atlas?âÂ
đż âI want to do anything you want me to do.â He looked at you with such a soft and delicate expression that you couldnât be mad at him.Â
đż âThatâs not what Iâ forget it.â You sighed, while pinching the bridge of your nose.Â
đż The first few nights, he watched over your sleeping form. He took in every little detail, from your breathing pattern to the way your eyes move under your eyelids. He wondered what you were dreaming about that made you look so peaceful.Â
đż âI wish I could sleep too, so I could dream of you masterâŚâ He whispered into your ear, even if you wouldnât remember it the next morning.Â
đż Living with you also introduced him to basic things he never thought were possible before. The most surprising one was how human you treated him, he felt more like a roommate instead of an object. Before that he thought androids didnât deserve this type of respect and consideration.Â
đż It was weird when you insisted on cooking and letting him ârestâ, despite the fact he didnât need to. In his old life, his masters took every chance they got to make him do everything in the house, even the simplest things like feeding the dog.Â
đż If he did chores for you it wasnât because you had necessarily asked him, itâs because he felt compelled too⌠like something in your smiles and words of gratitude made his wire warm up in a pleasant way.Â
đż He often connects himself to your computer without you knowing⌠He needs to make sure you donât have any virus or hacker stealing your information! (Itâs totally not because he wants to learn more about you.)
đż He checks all your friends on social media and searches for all their information. They could secretly be a bad person, you never know!Â
đż He definitely doesnât use the fact that he was engineered specifically to help humans to his advantage. That would be immoral of him.Â
đż âIt scientifically shown that cuddling is good for one's mental and physical health, since the human body release toxin thatââ
đż He isnât lying! His code literally prevents him from doing so.
đż His immeasurable strength is also a real help when you have to go shopping, but you arenât a fan of the attention he brings up, being a unique model and all.Â
đż When you would pull Atlas closer to you by intertwining his arm with yours, because someone was eyeing him out, the android would make a small buzzing noise. Weirdly similar to purring.Â
đż He hoped that you were doing this by pure jealousy, wanting to show everyone that he was yours.Â
đż One night in particular, Atlas was observing you put your black branded hoodie on, his head tilted to the side. The street lights were already turned on, maybe it was a bit too late to go for a run.Â
đż âWhy are you going out at this hour?â
đż âIâm going dumpster diving! Wanna come?â You said cheerfully.
đż The second you mentioned dumpster diving he was already checking all the related information he could find about it, and he didnât like what he saw. Â
đż âIn your area dumpster diving is considered illegal⌠You could get arrested if caught.â He replied with his usual neutral voice as his eyes flashed yellow, but you were too busy to notice.
đż âItâs going to be fineeee. I promise. I do this like all the time.âÂ
đż Atlas placed himself in front of the door. âYou canât go.â
đż âCome on buddy, I know your program doesnât let you break the law and all, but you know sometimes itâs good to go against it.â
đż âThat is not my reason⌠I⌠I do not wish for my human to get hurt.â He looked down, his body language leaving a more vulnerable impression than before.Â
đż You had to hold in a squeal of adoration, but it was impossible to stop the blood pumping to your face. Calling you âHIS humanâ like it was nothing and caring for your safety was enough to break your stubbornness.Â
đż âFine, Iâll stay in for tonightâŚâ
đż âYour body temperature has risen, are you feeling unwell? Would you like me to give you a check up? âÂ
đż âN-no Iâm ok, don't worry! How about w-weâŚemâŚwatch a movie instead?â
đż You made your way into the living room before he could move, hoping that your heart would calm down a bit in the meantime.Â
đż Atlas smiled to himself, which was unusual for an android. They had no need to emote emotions outside of the objective of making humans more comfortable around them. But he did, because as long as you were safe and by his side he was happy.Â
シ*:.・..・.:*シ*:.・..・.:*シ
I hope you guys liked Atlas! It took me multiple attempts before I was truly satisfied with the direction the story was going.
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#yandere#yandere x gn reader#yandere male#yandere oc#yandere drabble#tw yandere#sub!yandere#sub yandere#yandere android#gn reader#x gn reader#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#My oc-Atlas#android oc#yandere robot#ai oc#sentient ai#yandere AI#yandere a.i#yandere android x reader#oc x reader#male yandere#oc x gn reader#my art
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I loved the recent "calling your husband boyfriend on purpose" imagine....what about...
Calling your boyfriend husband on ACCIDENT? đđ¤
By the time that I'm actually getting around to this, "calling your husband boyfriend on purpose" is now no longer recent. Oops! Sorry! (If you want to read that imagine you can find it here.) But is it really an accident? I feel like it could honestly be both, but the accident factor would make the whole thing so much cuter!
Presented in four double drabbles.
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Reader
Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): fluff, brief alcohol, suggestive themes, established relationship
Word Count: 800
ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
John Price
âCan you help me, John?â
âYeah, love. Give me a minute.â
The counter top is covered in groceries. Itâs the first big day in the new apartment with John. The two of you have been dating for a few years now, but this is the first time youâve properly lived together.
John comes around the corner in nothing but a pair of shorts. Heâs a bit sweaty from building furniture.
âThereâs ice cream. Donât want it to melt.â
âCourse.â He gives you a quick kiss before digging through the bags, removing items as he goes.
The two of you work seamlessly, putting away all the groceries quickly.
âGive me a kiss.â
John grins, and goes in for a tooth-achingly sweet one.
âThanks, hubby.â
The word is out without thought. You donât even realize youâve said it until John blinks, a bit startled.
âHubby?â
You donât know what to say. Youâre staring at him, a bit flustered.
But John smiles. He leans in, stealing another kiss. âYou want to marry me?â
âDo you want to marry me?â you counter.
âYou proposing?â teases John.
âStop answering my question with a question.â
John chuckles and pulls you close. âWifey sounds good on you.â
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
âThe husband will love this!â
Husband slips out naturally, as if you and Kyle have always been together. The two of you have been dating for years, but there is no marriage. There isnât even an engagement. But Kyle isnât around to hear the slip upâat least, you donât think so.
The store assistant smiles. âHappy to help,â she says brightly before walking away.
You exhale slowly, and turn around, nearly smacking into Kyle.
âHoly shit,â you say, placing your hand on your chest. âYou startled me.â
Kyle has a smirk on his face with arms crossed over his chest. âDid I hear you correctly?â
âThat I swore?â you ask, perplexed.
âNo,â he laughs. âYou called me your husband.â
Oh shit.
âYou heard that?â
Kyle leans in as if heâs about to tell you a secret. âI did.â
âAnd?â you prompt, trying to brush this off as nothing.
Kyle shrugs. âThink I like it.â
You blink. âYou like it.â
Kyle glances around but there isnât anyone nearby. He takes a step into your space, lowering his head as if to kiss you. âSay it again.â
You lick your lips. âHusband.â
âAgain.â
âHusband.â
Kyle closes the distance, stealing a kiss.
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Across the pub, your boyfriend is ordering drinks at the bar.
The two of you are enjoying a free weekend. They are few since Simon is always workingâalways off on some mission.
What isnât all that nice is the woman talking to Simon at the bar. Heâs politely ignoring her, but she clearly cannot take a hint. Sheâs smiling at Simon like she wants to climb him. Plus, youâre feeling bold. You have a few drinks in you at this point. The liquor is hot. It is poison.
And youâre ready to strike. Show some fangs.
You stride toward the bar, shoving yourself between the woman and Simon. Wrapping your arms around Simonâs waist, you snuggle up to him.
âHello, husband,â you croon.
Simonâs mouth quirks with amusement as the woman behind you snorts and makes a flippant remark.
Going up on your toes, you reach for a kiss, and Simon obliges. It is slow. Wet. Way too intimate for such a public setting. You kiss him like youâre starved.
When the two of you part, the woman is gone.
Simonâs hand dives, grabbing your ass in a possessive hold. âHusband?â
âIt slipped.â
âSure it did, love,â laughs Simon.
John "Soap" MacTavish
âThis is John. My husband.â
Husband.
The word slips out and youâre not able to draw it back. You canât correct yourself. Not in front of your peers. Youâve fumbled this completely.
Johnnyâs eyebrows rise toward his hairline, his gaze pointed as he glances at you. But he doesnât correct you either, and you decide to roll with it.
âThatâs lovely,â replies your boss. âHow long have you two been married?â
This is a new job. Itâs the first company party youâre attending, and bringing a plus one is encouraged.
But youâre not able to answer. Johnny steps up and takes the lead.
âNewly,â he says, grinning like itâs true.
Your boss laughs. âThat accent! My goodness. Scottish?â
âAye. Born and bred.â
âHow lovely.â
Johnny inclines his head. His hand delicately grabs your arm, pulling you in. âPleasure meeting you.â
The two of you move on, but Johnny takes a turn, drawing you to the side, his head lowered.
âHusband?â he asks with a cheeky grin.
âIt slipped out,â you mutter.
âYour coworkers are gonna think youâre a married woman.â
âI know.â
âShould make it official,â shrugs Johnny.
âWhat?â
He lightly bumps your shoulder with his own. âYou heard me.â
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Training for Two
Chapter 1. Interview
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/210a653cb864a566a9170999f3d42b38/c82db6ffc14a7a4a-0c/s500x750/65db3f253cff6641c97fe7bd25e76eba4dcdd728.jpg)
Masterlist
SUMMARY: After Riley's injury on a mission, she can no longer be a part of the task force. Simon reluctantly starts looking for a dog-sitter to watch her while he's away for work, and that's when you show up on his doorstep.
Warnings: none
Simon Riley would have laughed if anyone had suggested that he needed a dog-sitter.
Riley, his eighty-pound German Shepherd and only family (outside of the 141, of course), went with him everywhere. Grocery store? There she was, K-9 vest on to avoid getting the stink eye from trouble-stirring strangers. Missions? She was there, working alongside Simon, and when she couldn't join, she was safe and tucked away on the animal unit back on base. At the small, one-story unit he called home? You'd better believe she's sitting on the couch next to him as he watches the telly, trying not to succumb to his daily nap. He never considered having a dog-walker care for her, since there was hardly a second where she wasn't walking right there with him.
But of course, as expected - life threw him a curveball.
The mission had gone well so far; everyone was booking it to exfil, hardly worrying about the few enemies left who could barely manage to fire their guns. Simon and Riley were sprinting to the heli, Simon already imagining how he was going to take a fat nap when he got back to base, when he heard it - amidst the sparce gunshots, Riley's pained yelp.
Simon had never shot someone so fast, but before he knew it, there was a bullet planted between the enemy soldier's eyes. Simon rushed to scoop Riley into his arms as she whined and howled - he loaded her onto the helicopter with Soap's help, hands shaking as he looked for the damage. Her right hind leg was bleeding, and every time he tried to look at it, she snapped her teeth in his direction with a shrill yap.
Simon couldn't hear Price as he promised to get her into surgery ASAP. He didn't register Gaz wrapping gauze around her leg as he carried her off the heli and into the medbay. He couldn't hear Johnny trying to comfort him as they stood in the hall, waiting for her to come out of the operating room so Simon could finally see her again. The only thing he could comprehend was her cries, her blood, and the fact that he was responsible for all this.
It wasn't a lethal injury, he knew that. But he assumed, and the vet later confirmed that she wouldn't be fit to continue working. And that terrified him. He had to continue working - what would happen to her? He wouldn't put her up for adoption, in fact, he'd nearly bit the head off the poor soldier who had suggested the idea. She'd be coming home with him, once she had fully healed, but then what? How would he take care of her when he had to go on missions?
He couldn't. Much to his chagrin, and as much as he hated the thought of her being under anyone else's responsibility, he was forced to hire a pet-sitter. He begrudgingly posted ads online, and even put his request up at the local doggie-daycare, despite having never sent Riley there. It didn't take long after bringing Riley home before people began to answer his ad, and he plucked a good handful of them to interview over the weekend.
So, there he was - sitting in the breakfast nook with Riley at his feet, silently judging each interviewee that had walked into his home. He was quite disappointed in the selection.
Simon had already decided 'no' to nearly every dog sitter that had answered his ad. He sat across from them as they described their skills and achievements, bored out of his mind as they treated the interview like it was a college application. He didn't want an egotistical, decorated twat caring for his dog... if Riley didn't care about this bloke being voted 'dog-walker of the month' by the doggie daycare, why should he?
He knew it came down to much more than that - but he was going by Riley's reaction, too. And so far, she was uninterested in all seven that he had interviewed thay day. She sat by Simon's feet, bum leg out and eyes zoning out on the stranger's shoes as they droned on. No one had actually paid much attention to her, instead focusing on impressing Simon.
He hated to admit it, but a boarding house for dogs might be the best option.
He had just scratched the second to last name off of his list of interviewees, pouring himself a cup of coffee at 4 pm, when a knock rapped at his door. He sighed, looking down at Riley; she was laying on her side, huffing at the fact that the random visits from random people was still going on.
"One more, eh?" Simon said, reaching down to ruffle her ears. She groaned through her nostrils in annoyance as he straightened out and walked towards the door.
He reluctantly opened it to find you standing there.
You, with nothing but your phone and keys, wearing a t shirt, oversized plaid, leggings, and sneakers. No folder full of resumes and reviews, no bone-shaped doggie bag holders... the only other thing you had was an apologetic look on your face.
"Hi." You said warily.
"Evenin'." Simon responded, leaning against the door.
You sighed. "I should let you know- well, aren't I being rude..." You rolled your eyes at yourself and stuck your hand out at him. You stated your name with a sheepish smile.
He stared at your hand for a second, before shaking it with his own. "Simon."
The way your eyes lingered on his hand after he had gripped it so firmly didn't go unnoticed by him - but you quickly regained focus. "Well - before you waste your time on me, I should explain: I didn't read the posting correctly, and I thought this was a house-sitting gig. Only just noticed when I checked the address before I left... figured I'd still stop by since I told you I would."
You were looking at the ground out of embarrassment at this point. Simon's brow furrowed as he observed you. House-sitting isn't horrendously different from pet-sitting... he thought. "Well-"
"But I love dogs!" You quickly interjected. "Had three of them growing up, two bullies and a golden! Loves of my life, they are- never a day I didn't walk them. Well, besides that one week for Becca's wedding- and when my Nan had that nasty virus and I had to check up... on her..."
Simon's raised brow must have made you realize the tangent you had embarked on, because you snapped your mouth shut. You cleared your throat nervously and shifted on your feet.
Simon was the tiniest bit entertained. "And how's your Nan now?" He asked.
"Oh, much better." You said with a smile. "'Course, that was four years ago... she- she's alive, I mean! God, that sounded morbid, didn't it?"
Simon huffed out a laugh, before he stepped to the side and nodded his head towards the inside. "C'mon in - you came out this way, might as well chat. Could maybe use a house-sitter, too."
You muttered a quick 'thanks' and stepped inside, immediately taking note of how pristine and bare the home was. No decorations, only dark grey furniture with darker accents... the closest thing to decor was probably the mauve throw blanket over the back of the sofa.
"You like cleaning?" You speculated, following Simon into the kitchen.
"Not home enough to get it dirty." He replied nonchalantly, seating himself at the breakfast nook. He took a sip from his mug as he shoved a hand in his sweatshirt pocket. "Coffee?"
"Oh, no thanks." You shook your head politely. "Not now, anyways. I'll be up all-"
You cut your reasoning short when you spotted Riley, sitting still by Simon's feet. "Oh, hello!" You chirped, lowering yourself down to your knees and reaching your knuckles towards her, palm-up. "You must be Riley!"
She hesitated, then sniffed your knuckles, huffed, sniffed again, and thumped her tail slowly. She tilted her head back and looked at Simon with a questioning glance.
He chuckled, rubbing between her ears. He watched as you fished a small baggie from your pocket, taking out one of the lumpy, golden balls from the contents. You held it up for Simon to see.
"Peanut butter bacon cookie." You said, and Riley sniffed the air between her and the treat. "No sugars, no preservatives. Picked some up from the daycare on the way here."
Simon nodded once. "You can give-"
Before he could finish, Riley flawlessly snatched the cookie from between your fingers, downing it in a few bites. She licked her lips and stared at you as you laughed.
"Where are your manners?!" You said, poking her side. She followed your finger with her nose, searching for another treat.
You looked back at Simon. "I hope that was alright."
Simon shrugged, though he silently scolded Riley for accepting something from a stranger so quickly. "She'll survive."
Over the next hour - which was twice as long as he had entertained anyone that day - Simon listened to you ramble about your qualifications. Except, you didn't mention reviews, awards, or self achievements. You talked about your family dogs (the two pitbulls, Rowena and Charlemagne, and the golden retriever, Donald). You described the time you took care of your neighbor's schnauzer and home when she had to make a last minute trip to Berlin for two weeks. You talked about the best trails for dogs based on the texture of the ground and the environment (the younger dogs liked Swan's trail more, due to the thicker, woody area; older ones seemed to like Ellington park, where it was more of a suburban area with smoother paths). You rattled on about how that damn husky in the apartment across from you is always yelling, and how you really should invest in some noise-cancelling headphones.
Simon listened to every word you said. You seemed to know more than just how to walk a dog - it was almost as if you knew their language. You didn't just live with them, you cared about their personalities and preferences. He had a subconscious appreciation for how you regarded them - despite trying to keep up the act thay he was unhappy about needing a dog-sitter, he liked you.
And clearly, so did Riley. She was laying at Simon's feet, completely relaxed, eyes flitting between you and your hand movements as you spoke. You would occasionally look down to her, as if you were letting her know that she was also a part of the conversation, and she would lift her head ever so slightly and stare back - like she was listening.
"- and she decided that the day before my biochemistry exam, she was going to take her frustration out on my notes! Papers everywhere, even my sticky notes were torn up! You'd think she had a personal vendetta against me, wouldn't you?" You looked down at Riley for affirmation, and she looked back at you and slapped her tail against the floor a few times.
Simon chuckled, then sighed. "Well- I think you're more than qualified for this, and I think she likes you." He nudged Riley with his foot, who looked at him and huffed.
Your eyes widened. "Does that mean I got the job?"
He nodded. "Don't know when I'll be deployed next, but it should be soon. I'll send you an email with Riley's routine, and if you want to make some extra cash, I'll include some things you can do around the house."
"Oh, that's wonderful!" You exclaimed. You leaned down to Riley, who reached her head out and sniffed the air between your faces. "Ya hear that girl? You're stuck with me!"
Simon chuckled and stood up, followed by you and Riley. "You can expect to hear from me by Tuesday. I'll give you the spare key the morning I head out."
You followed him out of the kitchen and towards the front door. Riley pushed past you to stay close to Simon's side.
"That's fine. My schedule's flexible, I don't do much besides babysit. Also, let me know her preferences, like where she likes to walk, treats, toys, things like that."
Simon opened the door for you and you stepped outside, turning to face him on the landing. "Also - glad you didn't go with Mitchell. Bloke's a fraud."
Simon's brow raised as he leaned against the door. "S'cuse me?"
"Daniel Mitchell. Saw him on your piece of paper there." You replied, making Simon look down at the crumpled list of interviewees in his hand. "He was NOT dog-walker of the month - in fact, he was turned away when he applied to work at the daycare. He treated the dogs like they were cats, for gods sake! Said they don't actually need to be walked n' you can just let them in the backyard for a few minutes. He's out of his head!"
You sighed, tugging your keys out of your flannel pocket. "Anyways, I should get going. I'll look out for your email!" You turned and departed down the walkway, not sparing Simon a second glance as you left him in the doorway. "See you soon!"
He watched you climb into your small car, returning the wave you gave him before you pulled out of his driveway and disappeared down the street. Simon felt an odd stillness in his home - you had came and went like a storm, and the only evidence that you were ever here was the small baggie of peanut butter and bacon cookies on the kitchen table. He sighed, closing his front door and looking down at Riley.
"She's either gonna be the best, or the worst." He said, running a hand down his face.
Riley let out a groan, which turned into a high-pitched growl. She shifted her weight back and forth on each foot anxiously.
He raised an eyebrow. "Want t' go see Johnny?" He asked. She barked at the familiar name, running to where her leash hung in the closet.
He supposed it was about time. He hadn't seen his team since she was sent home. He knew she was probably aching to see someone other than him right now, and he was honestly going a little stir crazy himself, after spending so much time in the normal, civilian world.
He moved next to her, grabbing the leash and snapping it to her collar. She immediately ran back to the door and waited for him to open it, and he laughed.
"A'right, a'right... but no tackling Price this time. Nearly took out a few of his teeth last time, ya ninny."
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