#so basically 1) the town where my job is or 2) one of about 3 major towns that have train stations

[fingertipsmp3]

Literally NEED my job to send my contract through so I can find out how much I’ll actually be earning and budget for rent and stuff because my god if I don’t move out I’m going to [redacted]

[cosmerelists]

The Favorite Food Show of Each Order of the Knights Radiant

I do love a good food-based show, like the ones on Food Network or the Bon Appetit youtube channel before it imploded. So naturally I wondered which show the various orders of the Knights Radiant would like best. The result...is this.

[Previously we've seen the Knights Radiant play boardgames, go to musicals, have sleepovers, have fandom jobs, and be birds]

1. Stonewards: Cutthroat Kitchen

Cutthroat Kitchen is a show where contestants can bid money to give each other silly disadvantages (involving a LOT of spreaders, for some reason). You get to keep the money you don't spend at the end, if you win.

Honestly, I think the Stonewards would be good at being on this show, not just watching it: they'd naturally just accept every disadvantage thrown at them without ever harming another player, prove to be really good at putting up with any and all "torture," and then win in the end.

It's the Stoneward way.

2. Edgedancers: Diners, Drive-ins and Dives

This is a show about discovering greasy spoon restaurants and giving them attention for their great food. I am not only saying this because of Lift either! I think there's a sense of bringing attention to restaurants that might, uh, otherwise be forgotten or something. Look, it makes sense in my head.

3. Truthwatchers: Reverse Engineering with Chris Morocco

This was (is?) a Youtube channel with Chris Morocco on Bon Appetit. He's blindfolded and present with a dish, which he can smell, taste, touch, but not see. He then has to try to reverse engineer the dish based on his initial investigation. I think the Truthwatchers would dig a show like that, about investigation, trying to figure out the truth...

4. Bondsmiths: Chopped

On Chopped, contestants are given a basket of four ingredients that are...unusual or hard to put together, and then they have to make a coherent meal out of it. Doesn't that sound like something a Bondmight would like? You gotta unite the four ingredients into one coherent whole.

5. Elsecallers: Good Eats

This is a show hosted by Alton Brown, and it's basically a quiet informational show about food, its history, ingredients, which kitchen gadgets you really need, etc. It tries to take a scientific angle toward everything as well. I just think it would suit the intellectual Elsecallers more so than some of the wilder Food Network shows.

6. Skybreakers: Iron Chef

I haven't watched much Iron Chef, but it is a one-on-one battle between a contestant and one of the current Iron Chefs, who are a board of, like, really good chefs. And they have a signature ingredient and each have to make a dish which then gets judged by a panel of judges. Somehow this formal cooking battle feels like something that would appeal to the Skybreakers.

7. Dustbringers: Kitchen Nightmares

Now, this one I've never watched, but I know it's a show where Gordon Ramsay goes and yells at restaurant owners who are really bad at maintaining their restaurants. I get the sense that it's the fun kind of chaotic disaster, especially if you like to see people who are bad at things get called out on it. For all of these reasons, this feels like a show a Dustbringer might enjoy.

8. Willshapers: The Great Food Truck Race

Per the webpage I found about this show, it's all about "adventure" and "new challenges." It's a show about new food truck owners who travel to new towns every week and then try to sell their food and complete various challenges. That sense of freedom and adventure seems like something the Willshapers would be really into.

9. Lightweavers: Cake Wars

I think the Lightweavers would enjoy any of the many shows about elaborate decoration and presentation, so I picked Cake Wars since I think that's what it's about. They'd probably also like those "Is It Cake?" shows as well, to be honest...

10. Windrunners: The Great British Bake-Off

I have no real justification for this. I just want to imagine Kaladin and the rest of Bridge 4 bundled up in blankets, snacking on sweet treats (for the women) or whatever they can scrounge up that is vaguely similar to a sweet treat for the men (fruit?), watching a purely wholesome show where the worst thing that ever happens is somebody messes up their bake (we don't talk about the Baked Alaska incident).

I just think it'd be good for them.

[dcxdpdabbles]

hi first of all I looooove your stories so damn much especially The Royal Consor also how old is cave boy!dany and if you had the time can you explain the timeline for each one?(I got it mixed up all the time😅)

Thank you for liking my writing! I got you on the timeline stuff. These will be based on Danny's age. There isn't really a set time frame as in the era they are in. It's a mix of early two thousand to twenty-seventeen.

I hope these re-caps help!

Royal Consort

No one besides Team Phantom knows Danny is Phantom. He lies to protect his ID

Danny becomes King Phantom (Age fourteen)

When he is crowned, he finds the Consort necklace and puts it on (Age fourteen)

Justice League finds out the USA passed the anti-ecto Act (Age fifteen)

Danny refuses to remove the necklace, so it appears in the class photo (Age fourteen)

Danny continues to wear the necklace in all class photos afterward (Age fourteen - age seventeen)

Justice League managed to abolish the Anti-ecto Acts after much struggle (Age Seventeen)

Wes takes a picture of Phantom and posts it (Age Seventeen)

John Constantine stumbles across Phantom's photo as a long-time Wes' Superbat fanfiction fan. (Age Seventeen)

Justice League realizes that Phantom has appeared on Earth a lot in the last three years in the small town of Amity Park. The same place as a boy wearing the Ghost Consort Necklace (Age Seventeen)

The world finds out the same news the same morning (Age Seventeen)

The story of Royal Consort takes place over two weeks, basically. In Part 1, Danny wakes up to the heavy hitters (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and John Constantine) in his living room three days after Wes posted the photo. The necklace he is wearing is the ghost speak for "Royal Consort," so everyone thinks he eloped at age fourteen.

In part 2, it's the same day, but they go up to the watch tower and find out about Dani, who was watching the breaking news on TV.

In part 3, the Fentons are hiding from the paparazzi for three days in a place Bruce rented until Danny gets cabin fever and goes exploring. He is caught by the paparazzi and rescued by the Waynes.

In part 4, it's been four days since the Waynes rescued Danny- precisely one week after Danny was confused as King Phantom's husband instead of King Phantom- and they throw a gala to welcome him. It's a rush job of trying to control his introduction to the world, but that same night, alien evasion is heading to Earth, where they kill Batman and Superman. Danny is sent back from the future by Clockwork after the world gets taken over to stop the aliens and Future! Danny is pretending to escort Danny to the gala as cover to stop the attack.

Cave Boy

Danny is the same age for most of the stroy (Age fifteen- No one besides team Phantom knows he's Phantom)

By latest part (Part 9) Danny turns sixteen since he been there a full year.

In part 1, Danny crashlands in a different dimension while taking the Specter Speeder on a joyride in the Ghost Zone. It's so bad in shape that he has to fix it from scratch. He spends three months exploring the cave system and the Gothanm at night to avoid being seen and collects tech to try to fix the speeder. He accidentally wanders too close to the Batcave, where the Batfam captures him. They run tests on him and thus realize he's a version of Bruce. Danny rolls with it.

Part 2 is the following night since he was let out of the Batcave. The Batfamily is having dinner. There, they see how Bruce used to act as a teen and find out Alfred told him he was only allowed to date people who could beat him up. Danny pretends to be called Brucie.

In part 3, Danny is in Wayne Mannor for a month. At that time, the Bats gave him a fake ID as - Danny Kane- a made-up descended from Bruce's maternal grandfather. By acting as lazy as possible, he works hard to throw off the Waynes, thinking he is not a version of Bruce. Tim starts to suspect him of being evil since no version of Bruce would ever be lazy and unwilling to involve himself in her life as a hero or a villain. He earns the name Rabid Dog at a gala where he bites Jason until he bleeds and creeps out the elites with Jazz's psyche training.

In part 4, Danny lived in Wayne Manor for two months (Five months since the crash-landed). By that point, he had been secretly sneaking away any tech he could grab to try and fix his ship. This is also when part 6.1, where Danny loves random animals and starts sneaking them into the manor, happens. Towards the end of the two months he grows tired of Alfred's ban on junk food and sneaks out to go buy some. He ends up traumatizing some Scarecrow goons who take over his bus with Jazz psyche training again.

In part 5, Danny has lived in Wayne Manor for almost three months. A week after the Scarecrow Goons Buss incident, he mentions Sam and Tucker, changing their names to Selina and Ethan, unknowingly linking them to DC people. The Bats learn he has a crush on them and that Danny has adoptive siblings back home. He changes Dan's name to Tommy and Dani's name to Harley. Jazz becomes Kate, another adoptive sibling. Another week later, Part 6.2 happens when Danny wakes up and decides to cook for everyone. No other Bruce across the Multi-verse can cook, so they are nervous about it. He comments about the food coming to life, and only Tim and Cass know he wasn't lying or joking about it

In part 6, Danny has lived in Wayne Manor for five months (It's been eight months since he crashlanded, and he's starting to get homesick). Alfred worries that Danny does not bother to go out or do anything (He does everything at night out of sight) and suggests a trip to the mall alone. Before this, if he did venture out, one of the Waynes would always be with him, limiting his tech-stealing chances. At the mall, Joker takes him and Bernard hostage as revenge for Tim helping the families of his old victims. Phantom's uncontrolled rage triggers after seeing Joker torture Bernard, and he realizes that Joker hurts others for the fun of it, which is the opposite of his protective core. Phantom rips Joker apart, leaving a smear of blood and flesh. An hour later, he is rescued by the Bats.

In part 7, Danny has been in Wayne Manor for six months. In the month following Joker's death, the Waynes have become wary of Danny. They do not like that he killed and are more upset by his lack of remorse. The rest of Gotham, however, hail him as a hero and send him gifts/thank you cards. Danny doesn't like how distant they are, and he is hurt by the sudden change in the Waynes, though he tries to hide it. The latest gifts from the people who wanted Joker dead arrive, and Tim once again accuses him of pretending to be a civilian. Danny lets it slip that his parents are alive, and the reactions of Tim and Alfred make him realize he should not pretend to be Bruce. He flees the Manor into the caves.

In part 8, Danny hides from the Waynes for two months. (A whole year since his crash landed. He turns sixteen during his hiding) He freaks out that he can't get his ship to work and stops caring for himself. He does not eat; he sleeps only when he collapses. He refuses to shift back to Fenton for fear of the Bats finding his heartbeat. By only going out at night time and actively avoiding everyone, Danny also puts a nasty strain on his mental health. He eventually nearly dies when his body gives out, and shifts into Fenton as he is passing out. Jon- who was helping Damian look for him- hears his heartbeat and works together to get him out of the cave-in he was hiding in.

In part 9, Danny wakes up in Wayne Manor. Unknown to him, he had been unconscious for three days. His human side is really banged up, and it's a close call of him almost dying. Tim blames himself and is left sitting at his bedside in guilt. Danny wakes a few times, too medicated to make sense, but blurts out information about himself to Tim. He tells Tim his real name and the coordinates of his dimension. Tim starts to build a ship for him as an apology, while John Constantine is called in by Bruce to see what the unknown energy around Danny is. John confirms its otherworld energy and places wards up, thinking he is protecting Danny from an unknown otherworld that is bothering him. Danny wakes to find himself trapped within the wards and threatened by one of his own Rune carvings of the Fenton family name.

[some-stars]

it's gonna be months until i can finish my vanessa/wade/logan fic (if i ever finish it) so i just want to jump in right now and drop "vanessa pegging logan" into the chat so we can Discuss amongst ourselves.

so there are basically three scenarios i like for this:

1. the way it's gonna happen in the story i currently have in progress is a very emotional DP scene, which happens after the first round of their first time during which logan is assuming that this is a Fun Sex Thing bc they both think he's hot and want to play, and he is of course hopelessly in love with wade (and, after the last few months of hanging out with them at their insistence, getting dangerously close to falling for vanessa too) but he'll take what he can get. so he gives them both a good time and then, after they've all had a few minutes to recover, makes himself start to get up and leave. and then of course a lot of Feelings explode everywhere and, well, y'all can imagine it. and the second round is wade and vanessa very insistently showing logan that they do, in fact, want all of him, by fucking him together until he falls apart in their arms and cries a little.

2. I also have a longer and more complicated idea that will probably never get written, where they invite logan to sleep with them and it actually does start as a fun "casual" thing, because wade and logan and vanessa are all trying to be careful with the other two and not push too hard. but while logan at first assumes the friendship that's been building will fade away once they've gotten what they wanted, they both very insistently continue wanting to be around him and having him over for dinner even when they don't fuck him after, and hanging out with him one on one, even vanessa. and the first time vanessa invites logan over for dinner while wade is out of town on a job, that's when she pegs him for the first time, and in the story it's this important step for their relationship and i have a Lot of feelings about the two of them exploring what they like together and building something special that just the two of them share, etc. but also it is. extremely hot. one thing i really like about this scenario is the emphasis on how much logan trusts vanessa, to a degree that actually startles him to realize, and makes her feel really, really good.

3. and then something very similar to the first scenario, but instead of double penetration it's vanessa pegging logan in missionary while his head is in wade's lap and wade is petting his face and telling him how incredible he looks, so hot and beautiful and perfect for them, letting logan suck on his fingers in a desperate attempt to keep himself from saying something he can't (and won't even want to) take back. meanwhile vanessa is telling wade how tight logan is and how good his ass is going to feel around wade's dick, what a needy cockslut logan is being for them, their good good boy who they're never ever letting go of.

i will attempt to come back at some point in the near future and elaborate further on one or more of these but that is pretty much the essential parts. as i said, PLEASE discuss this further with me, i always always want to hear other people's thoughts on my nonsense <3

[tothebestofmyabilities]

@seemoreseymoursbay day 3! OC day

So in the episode 'Bad Tina' Zeke mentions that his dads girlfriend just had a baby, assuming that the dads gf he talks about in early seasons is Cheryl his step mom and that the father of that baby is Zekes dad we can also assume that Zeke has a very young half sibling. And I did go ahead and assume all those things so this is Zekes baby sister Cherish (Cherry for short).

Used the prompt wonder wharf

Im gonna talk some more about her under the cut bc im sure that will devolve into infodumping zeke lore/headcanons and i dont want anyone to get stuck scrolling past a wall of text

Interestingly she's the only oc i have that's part of a different piece of media rather than one of my own projects.

She's a spunky little toddler for sure she's always got tons of energy, she's extremely confident and fearless constantly running off when she sees something that excites her or to ask strangers questions. She has a big sweet tooth but also loves spicy foods, off the top of my head I don't think its been discussed in canon where Zeke is from originally but recently I've been thinking of him and his bio mom as being from louisiana (projection on my part my mom is from louisiana and bc I like Zeke as a chef and the food there is soo good) I love the idea that his mom taught him to cook the local dishes and that he makes them for Cherry. She dresses in a chaotic mix of her own love of bright, clashing rainbow colors and dingey hand-me-downs from Zekes childhood and from their other cousins. I definitely think Zeke has adhd and Cherry does as well.

I tend to draw her/think of her around age 2 1/2- 3 (so when zeke is 16ish) but in canon time she'd still be a newborn. I love the idea of Zeke with a young sibling he's portrayed in the show as being super caring, protective of and loyal to the people be cares about, and good with younger kids all of which read as big brother qualities to me and he's also mentioned wanting siblings hes closer too. (He mentioned having a 44 year old brother in Presto Tina-o but also has said his bio mom was pregnant with him at her prom which is probably just a continuity error with his throway lines but taken at face value makes his dad out to be a gross old creep which is my personal headcanon idk if there's anyone out there who are big fans of Zeke's dad and step mom but my headcanons do not paint them in a nice light so beware of that)

Based on pretty much everything Zeke has ever said about his family I get the impression that the adults in his life are pretty neglectful and irresponsible and definitely not super present (he rarely ever speaks about his dad I hc him having a job that keeps him away from the family most of the time probably something like trucking and Zeke has mentioned Cheryl being an alcoholic I also hc her as much younger than the dad maybe she's a bartender? I definitely see her having a nightlife kind of job also for reference picture her as a redhead with blue eyes and a lot of tattoos that's where cherry gets her eyes and freckles)

I believe with Cherry a lot of parenting responsibilities would be placed on Zeke and while i think he has qualities that are really well suited to that the parentification of an older sibling is not ok and would negatively impact him, I like the idea of him applying for a job at Bob's Burgers bc he needs a more stable way to provide financially than doing odd jobs around town and not only getting a job but also getting a support system and adults who care about him and his sister and their wellbeing. I think Bob would take Zeke under his wing and help him make himself and his education a priority (the belchers helping out with Cherry when they can so he can focus more on school and extra curriculars) and help him get into a culinary school after graduation. Linda would fall completely in love with her (we know how much she loves babies) and basically treat Cherry like she's her own grandbaby. They all babysit her when needed but Louise is her favorite babysitter and maybe person also she really looks up to Louise and likes to imitate her fashion style and the way she speaks, Louise would pretend that this annoys her but not so secretly finds it adorable.

Anyways clearly i could go on and on but ill just cut myself off there hope y'all like her!

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

how the six family roles in an addictive household are shown in shameless, season 1

so i said i’d make this post a while ago and guess what? i lied. oops. anyways i finally did it so here you guys go!

also, i’m only doing season 1 here because season 1 is the season where the roles are the most clear. after that, some siblings share roles or change roles. in many, many ways, season 1 is much simpler, as we all know.

i most of my information from this article, and i copy and pasted some of it.

 the addict, is frank. you could also say that it’s monica, however she left the family/household years prior to the start of the show. as the consequences of addiction begin to form, the addicted family member will often portray negative behaviors to others in the family including lying, manipulating, and pointing fingers of blame; frank does all of this in season 1 constantly. he lies about where aunt ginger is, manipulates his family by assuring them that he is sober, and he puts the blame on other members of his family, such as ian or monica. half of the family views him as a nuisance, and the other half views him as beloved.

the enabler, is debbie. enabler’s don’t set boundaries and excuse a lot of the addict’s behavior. for debbie, it’s not that she doesn’t understand frank’s addiction or how shitty frank is, she does (1x08), but she chooses to pretend like things are alright. she loves her dad a lot, and she wants to pretend like everything is okay. she wants to pretend like things won’t go back to the way they are, even though she knows they will. we see her caring for her dad, waking up in the middle of the night to check on him and bring him a pillow, asking him if he’s okay, she cares. nobody else really cares that much. we see her become more of an enabler in season 2/3 especially, but again, only season 1 here.

the scapegoat, is lip. many people would like to argue that it’s carl (or debbie or ian) and maybe later on, but not here. the scapegoat of the family often gets blamed for the family’s issues, usually the scapegoat is the second oldest (!!) or middle child. in many cases, this person feels their purpose is to provide their family members with an outlet for blame. so, they can take on a parent’s and other sibling’s blame in order to protect them from feeling these emotions themselves. commonly, the scapegoat of the family will eventually be unable to manage their anger and act out in avoidance behaviors, often leaving town and not returning. so, yeah, this can be season 3/4 ian, or season 6 debbie or carl, but overall, this is lip in season 1. however, lip doesn’t often take the blame. fiona does. he and fiona share the hero and scapegoat role, and eventually share the addict role, but overall the scapegoat is lip. he acts out, purposefully gets into trouble, and is blamed. does he accept the blame? no, but he gets it. and he goes off to do his own shit often, when shit hits the fan he either fixes the problem or just leaves. lip can’t manage his anger. ever. it’s something he never learns how to do from season’s 1 through 11. he uses avoidance behaviors (such as drinking himself sick) and anger to cope with his family’s hardships.

the hero, is fiona. fiona is basically the definition of the hero, which is: the hero of the family is the one who is most controlling and often a perfectionist. by keeping up with personal goals, they feel they can provide their family with the illusion that everything will be okay. normally, the hero of the family is the first child, as they are the most likely to have a type a personality and feel as though they are a leader to their siblings. because of the position they put themselves in as a leader, they may experience extreme amounts of stress. and, become unable to manage their anxiety. that all screams fiona gallagher. she works multiple jobs, attempts to control everyone and everything in her life, and provides for her five siblings. she’s the firstborn child, and the youngest child literally refers to her as his mother on multiple occasions. she dropped out of high school for her siblings, and basically risked everything for them. they are her life.

the mascot, is carl. season 1 carl is sort of hard to characterize because he’s almost never a very serious character, hell, throughout the entire show he cries like three times. but that unseriousness kind of makes him fit into the role of the mascot. the mascot of a family is the person who may utilize humor to try to resolve tension during family arguments or drama. this may be due to the fact that they require approval from those who surround them due to their fragility. most commonly, the mascot of the family is the youngest sibling. basically, they use humor as a defence mechanism in order to not have to experience the negative emotions which may be brought about by addiction in the family. carl wasn’t the youngest sibling, but he was for about seven years, so it kind of counts. at least at this point it does. carl isn’t as aware as debbie is when it comes to the issues in the family, (1x08), and in the first (or second technically) scene, debbie tells carl he’s almost nine and needs to begin pulling his weight. he doesn’t take on the same understanding or responsibility as the rest of the siblings do, but there is a possibility that he understands and masks it by acting clueless. or, he simply is clueless. who knows. either way, if anyone’s going to be the mascot, it has to be carl.

the lost child, is ian. the lost child is a sibling who may not be as involved in family relationships as the others. this is due to the fact that they may not have shared as much family attention as the other siblings. typically, they’re the youngest or middle child. and, characteristically showcase behaviors like isolation and the inability to maintain lasting relationships as a result of addiction in the family. so, ian obviously does end up maintaining a lasting relationship, blah blah blah, but he literally doesn’t until like the last season so THAT DOESN’T MATTER. anyways. for like the entirety of ian’s adolescent years on the show (seasons 1-4), he is forgotten. he’s the stereotypical middle child, the least favorite, and forgotten. fiona never has to worry about him, monica is nowhere to be seen (but i made a post here that talks about their relationship that you should totally read), and frank hits him and simply doesn’t really give two fucks about him. ian isolates himself from the rest of his family, and rarely is actually at the house. he’s often with kash (a man in his fourties), or mickey or just doing his own thing. he becomes even more of the lost child later on (and eventually morphs into the scapegoat) but that’s irrelevant. ian’s hiding a big secret, ian is rarely home, the most attention ian probably ever gets out of frank is just getting hit or insulted. ian’s forgotten.

liam isn’t on here because he was so little in season 1. but much later on, he takes on the role of the lost child. if you want to know more about this/how the gallagher’s were based on actual people rather than just roles, read this article. i highly recommend it.

[starcurtain]

Haikaveh Fanfics I Really Want to Read (Part 1)

Part 2. ->

1. A run-in with a cursed artifact on a research trip leaves Alhaitham intangible and invisible. He can't be seen, heard, or even open his precious books (which is the real tragedy here). Things go from bad to worse when it's discovered that the only person who can break the curse is someone who "knows Alhaitham by heart."

Problem is, nobody does. The only one who might even come close is Kaveh, and will he really be willing to go out of his way to research Alhaitham's deepest secrets just to bring his scathing roommate back?

Turns out the answer is yes, and Alhaitham is left invisibly watching over Kaveh's increasingly desperate attempts to learn more about the most private person in all of Sumeru.

Yeah... Alhaitham's probably doomed.

(Or: The Akademiya's erstwhile scribe has nothing better to do than stalk follow his roommate around unseen, gets a front row seat to Kaveh's tough life, undergoes the mortifying ordeal of being known, and realizes just how much his own cold nature has left him isolated from the world.)

Rest under the read more:

2. Another research trip gone wrong: While Kaveh's out of town on a job and without a shield this time, Alhaitham takes a nasty knock to the head during a fight. Although he wakes up all right, he doesn't have the faintest idea who or where he is. Quick-thinking nature intact, Alhaitham decides to fake his way through on context clues for a while. It's an interesting experiment, after all, to learn about his own life from an outsider's perspective.

Too bad a very silly series of coincidences occur (i.e. Kaveh took most of his work things with him for his trip, so his room is pretty bare; they wash their laundry together to save water; and everyone keeps asking Alhaitham why some mysterious "Kaveh" guy isn't with him), all of which lead Alhaitham to the absolutely incorrect assumption that this missing "Kaveh" person is his significant other. Imagine Kaveh's shock when he returns home to a very out-of-character greeting...

(But I mean, really, does Alhaitham need his memories back? This is kind of nice, you know...)

3. Requirements for a Desirable Life (According to Alhaitham):

1. Match your actions to your talents (read as: go with the flow) 2. Low stress, high paying job (read as: the balancing act between making oneself seem indispensable while underachieving as much as possible is a talent) 3. Nice home with a short commute (read as: at-home lunch hours every day) 4. Books (read as: soon as possible) 5. Kaveh (read as: the light of my life who I moved into my house through admittedly somewhat underhanded tactics just to keep him close to me, but what was I supposed to do--tell him I have actual feelings? Impossible, in the most literal of senses)

Or: Alhaitham pursues his plan for an ideal lifestyle in an utterly single-minded and undeterrable fashion... except when comes to his roommate, who--for someone so good at drawing up his own designs--also seems terribly good at ruining Alhaitham's.

Just fall in love with me already.

(Basically, I just want to see Alhaitham be the pining one for once. He is one checkmark away from his dream life, but he'd rather sell his soul to Lord Sangemah Bay than confess without knowing how Kaveh feels first.)

4. Alhaitham is preeminently capable. He's beyond a genius. His research could rewrite the laws of reality if he tried hard enough. But he's also... terrible with people. Actually, terrible is an understatement. If Alhaitham is murdered one day, it'll be because he finally committed one too many social faux pas and honestly the masses will probably say he had it coming. Thank the lesser lord that the Akademiya's scribe has someone as gregarious as Kaveh around to help him mend his obtuse ways, right?

Or: Five times Kaveh tried to lecture Alhaitham on social skills, and the one time Alhaitham put all those lessons into practice... on Kaveh.

5. The very silly comedy one: If someone were to ask Kaveh what the very worst thing about living with Alhaitham is, he'd say--well, first he'd say "Who told you?!", but after that, he'd say something that might come as a surprise. The worst thing about living with Alhaitham isn't their constant snarking and diametrically-opposed mindsets. It isn't the tacky, asymmetrical furniture Alhaitham keeps bringing home because it was "practical and inexpensive." (Kaveh's skin is crawling.) It isn't even the fact that his so-called "landlord" reminds Kaveh all too often about his unpaid rent while never lifting a finger himself to do the dishes.

Nope. The worst thing about living with Alhaitham is the experiments.

"How many books can I leave on top of Kaveh's sketches before he yells at me?"

"How angry will Kaveh get if I drink the expensive wine he brought home last night?"

"How many days will it take Kaveh to notice I keep rearranging all the stuff on his shelves while he's out?"

"How many times can I suggest he add Aranara statues to his designs before he tries to strangle me?"

It's bullying, is what it is! There's no limits to Alhaitham's behavior when his curiosity is piqued--the only thing that matters to him is the answer to whatever outrageous new question he's thought up in that thick head of his. And of course, the louder Kaveh shouts, the more "experiments" Alhaitham seems to dream up...

Honestly, someone ought to give him a taste of his own medicine!

(Or: Alhaitham and Kaveh end up in an exponentially escalating social experiment competition, pushing as hard as they can to find the other's boundaries. One of them has to break and give up soon, right?! Too bad Alhaitham's the god of stubbornness, and Kaveh's eternal peace of mind is on the line--if he can just win this, Alhaitham will finally give it up and quit bothering him! He can't chicken out first!

Because they're both very Normal™, it turns out there's not a single boundary to be found.

Well, at least answering the question "How many times can I walk in on him in the shower before he kicks me out of the house?" might save them some money on the water bill?

By the way, Kaveh wins. It turns out the answer to "How many dog ears can I fold into the pages of Alhaitham's books before he tries to kill me?" is 0.)

[celebtf]

Card game with Luke

During the summer in the town there's always a carnival for the kids and I guess the adults can have fun too. There's rides and some tents with activities and some mini-games where you can Ofcourse win some prices.

Me, on the other side was sitting in a tent, I needed some money and some type of extra job just for the summer. I called the boss and got a place In the " Futrue Tent ". The station is basically like Tarot or seeing people's futrue, do I know how to? No, but my boss came me these card and just roll with it.

The day was slow, it was late, we were about to close down the carnival for the night when I saw him walking towards me.

That was Luke Hemmings from the band 5 Seconds Of Summer. " Hey, you the blond guy, want to know your futrue? " I called, I didn't want him to know I knew who he was, I didn't want to seem crazy. Luke came over to my station and sat down at the small table I had sat up.

" Can we switch this up, I know my futrue, what about yours? Can you tell me yours? Luke asked me. I said yes Ofcourse, I didn't want to be exposed for being a fraud.

I layed out the Card one by one and hoped Luke didn't know about Tarot, I was about to improvise this." Card 1, I'm going to go through a event that will change my life" I smiled, and he laughed at the saying, I just did two cards for not taking up his time too much. "Card 2, you will piss somebody else off because of something that will happend out of your control " I was a little confused but I played the part. Luke said goodbye and waked away and I got my stuff and closed.

Everything went black, Everything was spinning, I couldn't keep my eye open and I faithed.

I woke up in a room, the room had some mirrors, four to be exact. I got up from the couch I woke up on and went to one of the chairs infront of the mirror, it had water, makeup, drinks, snacks. " Where am I" that's when my whole body started to ache.

I saw my hair get longer and it started to bleach itself, my arms got more muscular and grew more hair. My eyebrows changed form so did my eyes, nose and Jaw too, I felt the pain in my spine and down my legs, I cired out, but the pain went over to pleasure. I could finally see what happend, it was the Cards, I had become Luke Hemmings.

The sight of my new look made my dick very hard, I needed to do something. I ran and locked the door, threw the clothes on the floor and jumped on the couch and started stroking Luke's... I mean my new dick. " Fuck Luke, your soft hand around your dick feels amazing, never felt this good before" I moaned out in my new Australian accent " I need something more" I spit in my hand and I started to fingering my ass " Oh my god " in and out, in and out, 1 finger, 2 fingers and finally 3 fingers up Luke's tight ass. I was a moaning mess and I came right on my new face, I licked it up " Luke you.. I taste amazing "

I cleaned myself up with a towel and unlocked the door. I went to the mirror to grab some water and calm down.

"I got a show to get ready for" I laughed out.

[aimportantdragoncollector]

O o o for the new ask game what about a no quirk AU where after Yoichi moves out, much to his brothers chagrin, he meets Second. They have a whirlwind romance and marry. Except. Yoichi never tells his brother.

All of a sudden, Hisashi makes a surprise visit. Then he meets second. They stare at each other They all have a family dinner. Basically like the dynamic of Yuri, Yor and Loid from SpyxFamily

How fun, I'm going to add in even more identity confusion for maximum drama.

1. Since this is a no quirks AU, Hisashi is a corrupt businessman but has fortunately never killed anyone. Not directly anyway, he's racked up a lot of environmental violations. Second is an environmental rights activist bringing a massive lawsuit against All for One incorporated. The Shigaraki brothers are orphans and Hisashi more or less raised Yoichi. Because Hisashi is still a controlling brother even though he doesn't own a bank vault, Yoichi moves out as soon as he can get a job after college.

2. For months, Hisashi refused to speak to Yoichi because he moved out. Hisashi was under the delusion this would lead to Yoichi apologizing and returning home.

3. While Hisashi was sulking, Yoichi was acting like a kid from a controlling family experiencing freedom for the first time. Yoichi hit up every gay bar in town and didn't really know how to handle his alcohol due to no one teaching him responsible drinking. Second found Yoichi passed out, saved him from choking on his own vomit, and got him to a hospital. Yoichi has called Second his "hero" ever since. Their whirlwind romance included a trip to Las Vegas where they got married in a legally questionable casino ceremony like something from a romcom.

4. Hisashi eventually had to lower his pride and reach out to his little brother first to reconcile. Yoichi had long enough to start missing his brother and invited him to a family dinner to introduce his new husband. Hisashi's stunned look was mistaken for shock that Yoichi had a husband. Second was equally flabbergasted because he hadn't realized Yoichi came from the same Shigaraki family since Yoichi didn't seem rich and didn't talk about his family. At this point, Hisashi wishes he had a bank vault.

5. As soon as they were alone, Hisashi accused Second of seducing his brother to get information on him. Second panicked and was scared Yoichi would think the same, so he started trying to cover up his big court case against All for One. Meanwhile Hisashi also wants to cover everything up so he doesn't fight with his brother over his unethical business practices and risk another estrangement.

6. Cue a ridiculous comedy of errors with Second hiding his phone and exchanging these angry yet clearly transmitting information looks with Hisashi. He's not a very good actor and Yoichi is getting suspicious. The good news is that Hisashi actually cleans up his environmental act because the only thing more important to him than making money is winning against his brother-in-law in court.

7. Matters come to a head when Yoichi demands to know if Hisashi and Second are exes. They're so horrified that they come clean. And Yoichi is so relieved that he forgives them.

8. Family dinners continue to be combative with Hisashi and Second trying to spy on each other and make the other look bad in front of Yoichi. But it's still a relatively happy ending by Shigaraki Family Drama standards.

(Reminder that all of these are free to use in my Three Weeks of Trioholders event.)

[antialiasis]

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: all of my thoughts (part 3)

Once again, here is me watching The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) and blathering about absolutely everything as I go, this time for the final forty-five minutes or so of the movie. Last time, Blondie and Tuco had just teamed up again and I was rooting for them to both live and split the treasure; here's how that all shakes out.

(Part 1) (Part 2)

The bridge

Blondie and Tuco are on horseback again; I'm guessing they took some of the horses Angel Eyes' men had when they rode into town. It's not totally clear why they get off the horses when they do, though; one would think it ought to be because the Union encampment is right there, but they specifically act like they have no idea that's there because of the they-can't-see-what's-offscreen rule.

Blondie still keeps very casually asking Tuco about the cemetery as if to catch him slipping.

When Blondie wants to wait for nightfall, Tuco goes "Trust in me, Blondie!" and Blondie gives him a subtle side-eye that's very funny. (Tuco's acting like he knows exactly where they're headed, of course, despite the encampment that he's about to walk them into that he mysteriously can't see.)

Blondie gives Tuco another look as they get ambushed and their guns taken away. Told you we should've waited for nightfall, goddamn it.

And here's where we get the war proper coming into focus! We had the prison camp, but that's a prison, soldiers but not active warfare. Here we're finally seeing active soldiers prepared for battle, and it is about to be hammered in how brutally depressing this is in so many different ways. This sequence really caught me off guard first time watching; even though the war's been omnipresent in the background, I was not anticipating how starkly this was about to turn into an anti-war movie.

When asked where they're from, Blondie says, "Illinois," which is probably just a spin the mental wheel, name the first Northern state that comes to mind, although of course Blondie's background is a blank slate so who knows. Tuco goes with, "I… I'm with him," which I find very funny -- he's Mexican, couldn't really hide that if he tried (even if he could, I wouldn't be surprised if Tuco couldn't confidently name a random Northern state), but he just happens to be attached at the hip to this guy from Illinois and want to enlist in the Union army with him, sure.

Tuco blurting out that they want to enlist and saluting is very in line with his general tendency to just decide he's totally on the side of whoever it would currently be useful to be friendly with and see what happens. Blondie gives him another look, understandably -- we had this whole bit earlier where he was concerned about getting caught up in the war, and now, after escaping a PoW camp by a sheer stroke of fortune, Tuco's getting them literally enlisted in the army just because it's the first reason to be there that pops into his head. (Of course, Tuco's probably planning to just desert anyway; he is he of making big commitments and then breaking them.)

The captain grins as he tells a soldier to go write his will because he might die today, and the guy just goes, "Yes, sir," which implies this is basically a normal thing for him to say at this point. God. What a sad picture of the state of affairs (and of how the captain is not exactly doing a great job of keeping spirits up).

Tuco completely sincerely buys the idea that he'll make colonel in the Union army just by drinking enough. I love him. (Meanwhile, Blondie is apparently not much of a drinker at all; he takes a small sip and that's it.)

I enjoy the way the captain says "Volunteers." The idea that anyone would volunteer for this is just depressing to him. But then he just grins and gestures for them to follow. Sure, let's show them what they've volunteered for!

There's a little bit here that was cut in the International Cut: the captain spells out a bit more that whoever has more liquor to get the soldiers drunk is the winner, that the only thing they have in common with the guys on the other side is that they all reek of alcohol, and then he asks Blondie and Tuco's names and they go, "Uhhh," until he laughs and says names don't matter. We can definitely get the idea about the alcohol just fine without this bit, and it feels a little funny/surprising that Blondie and Tuco are at a loss when asked for their names, given Tuco already has "Bill Carson" as a handy fake name and Blondie already earlier in this same scene came up with a state off the top of his head on the fly without trouble. (To be fair, giving a fake name sure ended badly back at Batterville, so maybe they have some sense that giving the wrong name could cause problems.) What this bit does add, though, is the specific suggestion that the soldiers on the other side reek of alcohol too, and that the captain has noticed that; he knows the men they're going off to slaughter every day are just as scared and traumatized and also get their fighting spirit from liquor (he has this great despairing expression on his face at All of us reek of alcohol), and that does add another layer to the sense of how awful this all is. While he says that's the only thing they have in common, really it suggests they're all a lot more alike.

Either way, I enjoy the captain a lot generally. He's in pretty much the most war-is-hell possible situation -- going out with the men under his command twice a day to die completely pointlessly over a bridge that's been arbitrarily designated as important but is plainly just going to remain contested until they're all dead. He deals with this, extremely healthily, by just keeping himself and the troops drunk enough to stop caring, all the while fantasizing wildly about just blowing up the bridge so they can stop all this and his men can stop dying -- he's got a full-on plan for how and everything. But he knows it'd be treason if he did, and at least in his already-hopeless state he doesn't have the courage to go ahead and do it anyway even though he wants to, so drowning it all in booze it is, while uncomfortably aware that the men they're killing on the other side are in exactly the same situation. I love this poor, scared, despairing man and his terrible, terrible coping mechanisms.

(Obviously, this situation is constructed specifically as the cruelest, most senseless possible distillation of war. The film makes reference to some genuine historical events -- Sibley and Canby were real people -- but for this sequence it is not interested in historical accuracy or any specifics of the Civil War at all, just the pure, abstract concept of sending a mass of human beings to maim and murder one another in the interest of advancing arbitrary strategic goals set by distant, faceless higher-ups.)

Blondie immediately asks why he doesn't just blow up that bridge, once the captain's explained the situation and that he'd like to blow it up; he sees the cruel pointlessness of it all, without the fear of going against orders and committing treason that's holding back the captain. Tuco seems initially confused at Blondie's suggestion but follows with, "Yeah, Captain, it's nothing. Let's scare the hell out of them!" -- he clearly isn't really seeing it in terms of breaking this awful, fatal stalemate these men are in, but goes along with Blondie's suggestion more on the basis that sure, it might be a neat way to scare the Confederates.

Enjoy the explosions that go off as they're talking and Blondie and Tuco flinching and ducking towards a wall while the captain just sort of briefly blinks and looks over there; he's so used to this that it doesn't even faze him anymore. The daily slaughter, right on time. Again, something that just really shows how normalized all this horror has become.

The captain grins up at the two of them as they watch from above and then turns back to call for the companies to report with this awful wince before going to his death. This man, coping.

Blondie shaking his head the tiniest bit and just straight-up saying he's never seen so many men wasted so badly is such an oddly effective culmination of this extremely quiet, soft buildup of him taking notice of the suffering of the war -- first the men that lay dying near the monastery, then the prisoners who are tortured at the camp, then this whole sequence learning about what's going on here and asking why the captain doesn't just actually blow up the bridge, then this. It's all so understated, but the fact it's getting to him enough to just bring it up, out loud, by itself, not in the service of any other point, is kind of monumental for such a quiet guy. I think it was Christopher Frayling's commentary that mentioned people cheered hard at this line at the cinema back in 1967, in the middle of the Vietnam War.

When Tuco tells him the money's on the other side and Blondie asks where again, and Tuco chuckles and says it's on the other side and that's enough, this has become basically a banter routine, none of the real suspicion and guarded hostility of the earliest times he asked. A fun evolution to follow.

Tuco says they can't get across while those Confederates are there, and Blondie asks what if somebody were to blow up that bridge. That would be a way to let them to get across, sure -- but Blondie already suggested blowing up the bridge earlier before Tuco had ever even indicated that getting across would be a problem for them, so it's pretty plain that that's not really why Blondie's thinking about doing it. After listening to the captain explain what's happening here, after seeing all these men fighting and falling and dying and knowing this is happening and will continue to happen twice a day for no purpose at all until they're all dead, he already wants to grant the captain's wish and blow up the bridge so that they can stop all this, and getting across the river in the process is a nice bonus.

As Blondie says that, he takes a match out of his pocket and lifts his fist up to light it. In response, Tuco grabs his wrist and sort of pulls it down and goes, "Yeah! Then these idiots will go somewhere else to fight!" -- what he's figuring will happen is the battle will just move somewhere else and these soldiers will continue to fight there, and Tuco's perfectly content with that view on it, because he's not one of those guys. At which Blondie pauses and says, "Maybe," striking the match in that lower position and then looking down to light his cigar as Tuco lets go of him. He wants blowing up the bridge to actually do some good here, and Tuco's just obliviously rained on his parade a bit with this cynical but probably true point that the soldiers will likely end up just being sent to fight elsewhere. Tuco probably doesn't even pick up that Blondie had a nobler goal in mind when he suggested it. I enjoy the way that Blondie's hand here sort of symbolizes his state of mind -- first this high-minded idea that by blowing it up they'll save these men, then Tuco drags him down with his oblivious cynicism and Blondie has to reluctantly concede that there's a chance his act of heroism might be undermined by the ever-churning war machine. (But he's still reluctant to concede it entirely -- it's a maybe.)

We have sure just taken a full-on dive into an anti-war parable, and I for one don't mind in the slightest. After my first viewing, I felt like this had all been almost a funny little episodic tangent to make a side point, but really the war permeates this movie both before and after this, and this is just the bit that really highlights it in the foreground and brings out the thematic thesis of the film.

We're also bringing into focus Blondie's character development and why ultimately he gets to be the good: of the three main characters, he's the one who sees senseless suffering going on and actually cares and wants to do something about it. Tuco is sympathetic, he's lovable, I adore him, but empathizing with suffering strangers is something he's long since had to suppress in order to get by as a bandit -- and even if Angel Eyes did feel something on some level for the soldiers back at the Confederate fort, he was only there to get the information he wanted and thought nothing of abusing similar soldiers later when it served him. Blondie, though, just wants to help these men out of genuine empathy. He's still a pretty morally questionable outlaw who kills more people onscreen than the other two combined, but he has enough of a conscience, at least at this point in the story, to be repulsed by this.

All in all, this is a movie about empathy and Blondie developing more of it in his quiet way, and empathy in the face of the senseless suffering of war specifically, and these are themes that speak to me.

Blowing it up

Convenient box of explosives, go! I enjoy Blondie taking the cigar out of his mouth and holding it further away once he sees the label on the box.

Really it's amazing the captain hasn't been mortally wounded before, if he was going out on the front lines twice a day. Perhaps he'd been lucky -- or perhaps he was only relatively recently promoted to captain after whoever preceded him also died.

Blondie starts out trying to help by giving him more alcohol, but only tells him after a bit of a pause to keep his ears open with a wink, realizing the captain might not actually make it until the explosion but wanting him to at least be able to die knowing that it's going to happen if so. I enjoy Blondie's tiny little acts of caring in this last chunk of the movie; again, so understated but made a lot more meaningful coming from a guy who's so quiet and unsentimental generally.

The worst thing Blondie and Tuco do in this movie is steal a stretcher carrying a wounded soldier. Jeez, guys, you could have at least just grabbed an empty stretcher. (I guess the stretcher is for passing as medics to the soldiers on the other side -- though it's a little silly that no one notices these two "medics" are carrying a big box prominently marked EXPLOSIVES on their stretcher.) Likewise, a little later they act like they're picking up a guy and then just leave him when the actual medics stop looking -- though at least that guy looks probably already dead.

The slow, mournful choir version of the theme that was cheerfully whistled when they entered the PoW camp plays as they make their way down to the bridge past so, so many dead bodies just lying around. Really drives home how oh, that war backdrop from an hour ago? Remember how ha ha, they got captured as prisoners of war after Tuco yelled pro-Confederate nonsense at the Union troops? Here's the actual war, and it's piles of bodies strewn along the ground in an endless cycle of pointless misery and death. There's a humorous quality to the two of them there with the stretcher grabbing a dead soldier's limbs and then letting them go when no one's looking, keeping the overall tone from becoming too grim, but in a way, that just accentuates the gruesomeness of it all.

Tuco opens the talk at the bridge by saying they might be risking their lives, and Blondie preempts his thought process by saying, "Yeah, and if I get killed you'll never get your hands on all that beautiful money," immediately figuring that's what's on Tuco's mind. Tuco reacts by stopping and turning his head with a "Huh?" -- he thinks Blondie sounds like he's leading up to telling him in order to prevent that outcome. But instead, Blondie just goes, "Yeah, Tuco. Sure would be a pity. :)" What a troll.

Tuco leaves his hat over the first bundle of dynamite he ties to the bridge -- probably he meant to come back to retrieve it, but whoops, Blondie ends up lighting the fuse before he has the chance. RIP hat. The dollars trilogy keeps doing violence to hats.

The captain having the sense that he's dying and asking the doctor to help him live a little longer just so he can actually hear the bridge explode first sure is grim, huh. I also enjoy the pained grunt he makes when the doctor changes the covering on his chest wound rather a lot. The way to my heart is dying depressed alcoholics making pain noises.

Also enjoy Blondie casually taking a coil of fuse that Tuco is carrying on his head. Working together!

Finally Tuco broaches the topic of sharing their respective secrets. Blondie deadpans, "Why don't we?"; Tuco suggests he go first, Blondie says no, it's better if Tuco starts. At this point I'm pretty sure Blondie assumes this is just a slightly altered flavor of the usual back-and-forth about where the cemetery is, that obviously neither of them is actually about to share his secret. He only turns his head when Tuco actually goes, "All right. The name of the cemetery is…"

Tuco is so hesitant about giving up his secret. A couple of times it looks like he's about to lie, his lips clearly getting ready to say something entirely different -- but in the end he does blurt out Sad Hill, trusting Blondie for real with the real name of the cemetery. Implicit in that choice is that he thinks, at this point, Blondie wouldn't just kill or ditch him and go find the treasure on his own, even though now he could -- and also that as much as he clearly considered it, he thinks lying to Blondie would not be worth it. Perhaps he thinks Blondie might be able to tell. Perhaps he just figures they're probably going to be heading there together (the main reason they ultimately don't is that Blondie stops to comfort a dying soldier just when there's an irresistibly convenient horse right there), and then inevitably he would have to take them to the correct cemetery anyway, in which case all lying now would do is make Blondie trust him less.

Blondie also pauses. I expect he has a pretty strong hunch here that Tuco is in fact telling him the truth, unexpectedly, and he takes a moment to think about what to actually tell him, which he hadn't had the chance to plan for because he didn't think this would happen. Blondie's calculating as ever, of course, simply working out how he can win and ensure his own survival at the end of all this. The fact he says anything at all shows that at this point, like Tuco, he does not think Tuco will simply murder him in his sleep in cold blood once he's heard him say a name (a very real possibility at the start of this quest). But he's still quite sure that if he tells the truth, then Tuco is very much liable to attempt to ditch him and get to the treasure first. And Blondie is certainly very conscious that Angel Eyes will probably show up at some unknown point as well, and by that point he would really like to still have leverage: if Tuco goes to the correct grave, and Angel Eyes arrives to find him there, he just shoots him and shoots Blondie too if he comes anywhere close. Blondie should tell Tuco something, though, and the only name he knows in that cemetery is Arch Stanton -- and if he tells him Arch Stanton, then conveniently if Tuco ditches him he would probably find that particular grave for him, as a bonus.

Man, all the completely real debris raining down after that bridge explosion. Something hurtles hard into a sandbag like a meter away from Blondie (I do believe that's a stunt double and not Clint Eastwood, though; some featurette talked about how he was adamant that he and Eli Wallach would be watching the explosion from wherever Sergio Leone himself was going to be watching it from and not one inch closer, having gotten to know the sometimes-questionable safety standards on Leone's shoots). The stories of the making of this movie where Eli Wallach nearly died multiple times sound absolutely wild and kind of horrific.

(If you haven't heard, they also had to blow up the bridge twice, because it got blown up by accident when no cameras were actually running.)

RIP captain. At least he looks pretty fulfilled in his final moments, with his one wish for no more of this particular hell finally coming true.

Of course both sides just go nuts firing at each other after the explosion, each thinking the other side blew up the bridge. So many more people must have died here. But maybe, hopefully, fewer than would have died in the endless cycle of skirmishes if it had stayed intact. Blondie at least hopes so.

The main narrative purpose of the bridge sequence for the plot per se is the bit where Blondie and Tuco share their secrets. Once again they're working together, and doing it well and fluidly, and after all they've been through, Tuco struggles fiercely with it but nonetheless decides he genuinely trusts Blondie not to screw him over if he tells him the cemetery after all. After how hard he tried to torture and kill him in the first half of the movie after Blondie had betrayed him, the fact this happens and it completely tracks at this point is kind of amazing. This fascinating character dynamic never stops evolving in interesting ways.

We, the audience, know that Tuco's telling the truth about Sad Hill. We don't know if Blondie's telling the truth about Arch Stanton, if he really trusts Tuco or not, which creates a fun sense of tension here. It turns out he did not trust him with the real grave (quite sensibly) -- but he does trust that Tuco wouldn't just kill him right now if he said a name, which also tracks perfectly. Tuco may be obsessed with money and liable to betray anyone when it suits him, but at this point, he wouldn't jump at the chance to kill Blondie, and he knows it.

The aftermath

It is quite something that Blondie and Tuco just end up falling asleep in the open air in the middle of all that noise, and by the time they wake up the entire army is gone, and also Tuco was in this ridiculous pose the whole time. We are of course being somewhat misled here: it looks like they both just fell asleep right there, but in reality, Blondie stayed awake at least long enough to unload Tuco's gun after Tuco'd fallen asleep. Tuco legitimately seems to have just fallen asleep like this, though.

With more time to think through what's going to happen from here, Blondie has worked out that there's a good chance of him, Tuco and Angel Eyes all winding up in the cemetery together, at the grave of Arch Stanton. He'll still have the ace up his sleeve, the location where the money is really buried. He'll be able to manipulate the situation into a standoff between the three of them. He's probably pretty sure Tuco would join him in taking down Angel Eyes, in this situation. But he can't fully trust that Tuco wouldn't ultimately also try to shoot him, when the money is at stake, and trying to juggle watching out for both of them at the same time sounds pretty dicey. It's safest by far if he just removes Tuco from the equation. Which he can, by quietly emptying his gun while he sleeps.

And probably a part of it is also that making sure Tuco can't shoot him means that he won't have to shoot Tuco. At this point, he doesn't want to do that either.

(Noteworthy: Blondie could have easily gone on without Tuco here if he'd wanted to; he was both awake sometime in the night when Tuco was fast asleep enough to let him unload his gun, and then he wakes up ahead of him in the morning. But he didn't; he fully intends to head to the cemetery with Tuco. There are many reasons for this, of course: trying to beat them to the gold is just needlessly risky; if he were to start digging at the correct grave he would have to worry about both Tuco and Angel Eyes catching up with him afterwards and he would have no leverage left and no reason for them not to just kill him; and all in all, he has a plan all laid out, and that plan involves getting both Tuco and Angel Eyes there at the wrong grave before he plays his trump card.)

I enjoy Blondie waking up Tuco by tipping him over with his foot and Tuco's flailing start. What a pair.

When all the sound is added in post, a choice like the birdsong that they wake up to becomes very considered and symbolic, representing this fragile peace that's descended over the area now that the armies are gone as nature takes its usual indifferent course after the horrors.

There are so many goddamn bodies. War is horrid. Both Blondie and Tuco look at the dead a bit as they walk onwards. Some of them are wearing extremely dusty Union uniforms, bringing back this funny gag from earlier in a more serious and somber way; the area's not even that dusty, but here it becomes more of a symbolic thing, of how really, in death, these men all look the same.

Tuco looks inside the ruined chapel and just isn't super interested, looks at Blondie whose gaze is lingering on the wounded soldier, and then walks towards the horse that happens to be tied nearby, probably already thinking about how if Blondie's distracted, and he grabs the horse, then he can beat him to the cemetery and the grave, and then he can just get all the money, right…? (I think Tuco has sort of forgotten about Angel Eyes, as I think the viewer is probably also meant to; Blondie definitely has not.)

Meanwhile, Blondie goes to comfort a dying soldier, in whatever small way he can, the final escalation of his small acts of caring for the casualties of the war -- there's no additional motive for this one at all (and in fact it actively delays him in his goals), just a moment of pure, genuine sympathy for someone who's suffering. The Blondie at the beginning of the movie would in all likelihood not have concerned himself with this at all; he just wanted to avoid the war and not get caught up in it. But as it is, over the course of the story he's had to face his own mortality a few times, seen the suffering of the war over and over, been personally imprisoned in a PoW camp, and witnessed the endless senseless slaughter of the war machine from the midst of it, and at this point he can't turn away and can't help but just feel for this kid, on a basic human level.

Blondie hears the horse neighing (probably reacting to Tuco coming up to it) and looks away, causing him to miss the actual moment of the soldier's death -- I suspect Sergio Leone likes the idea of affording someone dignity by not having someone straight-up watch them die (which comes up in Once Upon a Time in the West as well), but here it's portrayed as not a choice Blondie makes but as an accident that he feels kind of bad about if anything.

I like how Blondie's about to take his jacket again but then changes his mind, just pats the dead soldier and picks up the nearby poncho instead. The soldier's dead and will never know the difference, but he just can't bring himself to take this back from him. (Instead, the outfit from A Fistful of Dollars and For a Few Dollars More is finally complete.)

Meanwhile, Tuco has betrayed him. There was no way Tuco could not grab this chance, with a horse up for grabs and Blondie preoccupied. Blondie is completely unfazed, of course, because he pretty much predicted this.

Blondie doesn't aim the cannon at all, not trying to actually hit Tuco, just scare him a bit and potentially slow him down. (It does mean it could have hit him if he'd happened to ride into the path of the cannonball, and in fact he came perilously close to doing just that -- Blondie's not going out of his way to make sure he doesn't get hurt, not when Tuco's in the process of trying to screw him over.) The poor horse is an innocent victim in all this, but we do at least seemingly see the horse standing up and okay in the shot where the second shot is fired.

This whole bit is pretty somber, though punctuated by a bit of humour -- the aftermath of the battle, the culmination of Blondie's character development, the dying soldier. We're lingering on the effects of the war.

Tuco's betrayal and Blondie shooting after him is pretty noOOoooOOo moment when rooting for them to split the treasure -- you were so close! Don't do this, guys! But of course, we're nowhere near done with them with this little breakdown of the fragile potential mutual trust we'd established; instead, this is more of a buildup moment to bring back the tension between them and make them more wary of each other for the finale in spite of the ways they've grown to like and almost trust each other. The film never stops being about the relationship between these two guys.

The cemetery

I enjoy how once Tuco realizes he's at a cemetery he starts by crossing himself and then looks at the map to make sure before just throwing the map away. Tuco's religiosity, genuinely important enough to him to come first here.

The sheer size of this cemetery, spreading almost endlessly out from the center, is so immense, and so drives home the scale of mass death that is happening -- and Tuco's running around in it for three and a half full minutes, all these graves just zooming past until they become a blur, and the only reason the film can actually get away with spending so much time on Tuco just running around in a cemetery is that "The Ecstasy of Gold" makes this scene in which nothing is technically happening absolutely exhilarating and thoroughly climactic. Ennio Morricone went so, so hard on this particular piece and it was exactly the right decision.

It's also very symbolic how the graves all blur together. Tuco's here for one particular grave; the others are background noise, like horrors always tend to become, just blending together into a mush. None of the actual characters visibly take in the scale of death that this cemetery represents (to be fair, they're all pretty busy); the viewer just has to look at this sequence and absorb it from beyond the fourth wall.

Tuco's a shaky reader, as we've established; he's absolutely not reading all those names in full as he's zooming by the graves. But he's had a moment to piece together in his head how Arch Stanton's name is probably written, so he's probably going past all these graves mostly looking at the start of the name and whether it looks like ARCH.

The way Tuco hugs and caresses the Arch Stanton cross first thing and the excited breathing and grunts as he digs through to the coffin, man. He's like a man possessed. This gold represents everything to him right now.

(Will getting a bunch of money actually make Tuco happy? I doubt it, but all he really understands and clings to is that money is how you improve your lot in life, so having this much money must solve all of his problems forever, right?)

All these crosses are so makeshift. Arch Stanton's cross is made of misshapen pieces of wood that don't even fit together. Really tangible sense with this production design of how hastily all these graves had to be dug, which also adds to the scale of horror silently conveyed with this cemetery.

When Blondie shows up, Tuco looks at him and veeery slowly drags his hand up to his pistol. If he can catch Blondie off guard, he can shoot him and keep all the treasure. At least back at the monastery, that was definitely his plan for when they found the grave, I expect. But at this point he seems decidedly hesitant even before he's grabbed hold of his gun. He doesn't really want to kill Blondie anymore at all.

Blondie is not caught off guard, of course, immediately notices, and just shakes his head and lifts his poncho to show his own gun: don't even think about it. Tuco fiddles with his vest and plays it off with a little shrug like that's all he was doing, and Blondie smiles just a little bit. So very Tuco -- and confirmation that Tuco's not actually particularly determined to kill him. Blondie knows Tuco has no bullets in his gun, of course, and is harmless to him regardless. But if Tuco had actually gone ahead and tried it, this might all have had to end a little differently -- Tuco would have discovered early that his gun was empty, for one, which would have meant a confrontation with just him about that immediately.

I love how Tuco picks up the shovel and looks to Blondie for permission to keep digging. Even though Tuco thinks his gun is loaded, he's basically just accepted Blondie's in control here. Implicitly, he's still expecting that what Blondie wants is to split the treasure (otherwise he'd hardly want to keep digging), and although he'd of course like to have all of it he's basically made peace with that.

Both Blondie and Angel Eyes throw a shovel at Tuco, and both times it looks inches from hitting the real non-stunt-double Eli Wallach, first his hand and then his head. Did they practice shovel-throwing beforehand to be sure they wouldn't actually hit him or what.

Blondie sure takes his time pulling out a match and lighting a cigar as Angel Eyes has arrived, even with a gun pointed at him. He probably figures Angel Eyes is already unlikely to actually shoot until he's absolutely certain they are at the correct grave -- after all, Angel Eyes is the one who, back at the camp, figured that Blondie was too smart to talk.

As Angel Eyes cocks his gun at Blondie, Tuco grabs the handle of the shovel, ready to act. Sort of fascinated he goes for the shovel rather than his gun -- perhaps, if he went for the gun, that'd be the kind of escalation that'd give Angel Eyes cause to just shoot him immediately, but being ready with the shovel lets him prepare to go on the attack without prompting that.

When Blondie reveals the skeleton in the coffin, Tuco starts by reacting in disgust and crossing himself frantically… and only then realizes that wait. Blondie lied about Arch Stanton, to Tuco, when Tuco'd just told him the truth. Tuly top ten anime betrayals. I love how Tuco will betray anyone and anything but that doesn't stop him from feeling very, very betrayed when someone betrays him back. Of course Blondie couldn't trust him -- Tuco has already betrayed him! -- but Tuco thought he did. ("You thought I'd trust you?", indeed.)

Thanks to Blondie's gambit, everything is going according to plan. Angel Eyes is here, but Blondie is still the only one who knows the real grave, giving him the leverage to make Angel Eyes put his gun away and set up the rigged Mexican standoff -- the 'truel' -- where he can kill Angel Eyes and test Tuco one last time. And if things should go wrong and Angel Eyes does manage to kill Blondie… there's no name on the rock, and at least Blondie can die spitefully knowing they'll be left with no idea where the gold is at all.

(I wonder what Blondie would have said to Tuco if Angel Eyes had taken more time to get there; he would have had to either stall somehow or just plain tell him he's not saying anything until they know where Angel Eyes is. Theoretically he could have told him that from the start, of course, but Blondie isn't huge on telling other people what he's planning, and he probably wasn't super keen on giving Angel Eyes the sense the two of them are working together against him from the start, either; that might have made him more trigger-happy on Tuco.)

The truel

Angel Eyes doesn't turn his back on Tuco as he takes his position, instead turning with his back towards Blondie; he figures, probably correctly, that Tuco might be liable to shoot him in the back if he had the chance but Blondie probably wouldn't.

(We briefly see Angel Eyes' horse in the background in one of the shots here; eventually, Blondie's going to ride that horse away from there. The horse that Tuco briefly stole should also be around here somewhere -- we saw it standing and apparently okay after falling over during the cannon fire, so Tuco might be able to ride that horse back to town.)

The truel is a delightful masterclass in tension, buildup and visual storytelling -- just a sequence of intense close-ups and music. It was the one bit of this film that I had seen before the screening we went to in September, in a film class about fifteen years ago. All I really remembered of it from there was that it had zero dialogue and a lot of close-ups; I don't think it hits nearly as well when shown as a clip out of context, unfortunately, when you have no idea who these characters are or why they're here or what has led up to this.

I will confess, though, that even first time watching it in context in the movie, I had some trouble following the flow of it. By the time we started just cutting between close-ups, I hadn't quite made firm enough note of the characters' positions relative to one another (and thus who they were looking at with each glance), or of whose gun was which -- both things that in hindsight and on repeat viewings are extremely obvious but that I genuinely struggled with first time -- such that I just didn't have time to piece together exactly what a given shot was actually showing me before it cut to the next thing. I don't know if this is a common experience for others on a first viewing. But the fun thing is it still works even if you can't really follow the moment-to-moment flow, because it's still effective buildup and tension. Even if all you're getting out of the individual shots is the rough gist that they're all reluctant to be the first to go for their gun while trying to watch for whether the others seem to be making a move (well, mostly Tuco and Angel Eyes; Blondie is stoic and inscrutable as ever, of course), the way that Ennio Morricone's score builds and the cuts get quicker and the shots keep getting tighter until it's just their eyes builds the tension perfectly toward a climax.

However, here's the moment-to-moment flow laid out, for anyone else who had trouble with it: as they initially size each other up, Blondie raises his eyebrow at Angel Eyes, and Angel Eyes visibly tenses at that, sensing that Blondie wants to go for him and is the greater threat. Tuco starts out with his eyes flicking between the other two, starting to reach for his gun early, at which Angel Eyes looks at him with contempt; Tuco stops and hesitates. Blondie looks at Tuco, and Tuco looks back at him, then back at Angel Eyes, then at Blondie's gun: Tuco's wondering if, if he shoots Angel Eyes, Blondie's going to shoot him. Tuco fidgets but doesn't draw. Angel Eyes, meanwhile, swallows looking at Blondie, notices Tuco's fidgeting, and then looks back at Blondie with a slight lick of his lips, hand moving towards his gun: he's thinking about going for Blondie, now that he's looking at Tuco rather than him. But once Blondie looks back towards him, his hand withdraws again, not wanting to attract a shot. Tuco's still glancing back and forth, but as he's looking at Blondie, Blondie looks back at him with the tiniest nod. Angel Eyes notices, looking nervously between the two of them, and then slowly goes for his gun again. Blondie keeps looking at Tuco, and Tuco keeps looking back at Blondie, eyes widening. Angel Eyes gives one more look back at Tuco, then stays on Blondie, hand still slowly approaching his gun, Blondie and Tuco fixed on each other all the while. Then, with the last few rapid cuts, Tuco's eyes dart back to Angel Eyes just as Angel Eyes moves to grab his gun, Tuco immediately goes for his to try to shoot Angel Eyes first, and then Blondie's shot rings out.

Angel Eyes had the advantage when he arrived on the scene in the graveyard, gun at the ready, but once Blondie has forced him into this truel setup, he's out of his element, no longer in control: even though he's a quick shot (as we saw at Stevens' at the beginning), he's still dead if the other guy then goes for him. And Blondie proceeds to psych him out by first indicating subtly that he's going for him and then very deliberately shifting his focus to Tuco and nodding at him, to both make Angel Eyes more nervous (the nod suggests they're together in this and will both shoot him) and bait him into shooting him (because Blondie doesn't seem to be paying attention to Angel Eyes). All in all, Angel Eyes is tangibly nervous for this whole buildup, backed into a strange corner he didn't expect, which is pretty interesting after he's spent the whole movie up until now very confident and in control.

Blondie's true attention for the truel was always going to be focused on Angel Eyes, of course: he shamelessly cheated at the Mexican standoff by emptying Tuco's gun, so Tuco is harmless and ultimately irrelevant for all this. But in the process of this, and probably as a secondary purpose to drawing out the setup like this at all, he also gets to test Tuco a bit. Nodding to him suggests Let's team up and get Angel Eyes, and he will get to see if Tuco actually does or not.

Tuco starts out very nervous, just off learning Blondie didn't tell him the real name of the grave, and thinks that Blondie might shoot him -- but Blondie gives that tiniest of nods to him, and when Angel Eyes is about to try to shoot Blondie, Tuco goes for his gun to try to shoot Angel Eyes first. Even after Blondie has shot him down, Tuco's still trying to shoot Angel Eyes, not going for Blondie. We've come a long way from the first hour of the movie.

(It's kind of hilarious to think about how realistically these guys are all standing way too far away from each other to actually be able to see these microexpressions on each other. But if the law of the movie is that the characters can only see is what's in frame, perhaps they also get the benefits of intense close-ups.)

It's all over so quickly. As has been noted often, Sergio Leone really likes to draw out the buildup to violence and then make the actual thing incredibly brief -- the truel is almost five full minutes of buildup, and then it's effectively concluded with one single bullet fired, with a second one merely added for good measure several seconds later. Blondie just shoots him; Angel Eyes never gets to shoot at all; Tuco attempts to but his gun is empty. No flashy action sequence here, just that rising tension ending in almost an anticlimax.

It's a very considered anticlimax, of course: the real point of interest turns out to be not how Angel Eyes is defeated, but the revelation that Tuco's gun is empty, was empty this whole time, and Blondie had carefully rigged this entire situation in his favor, because he is one very smart, devious man. The true finale is about Blondie and Tuco, as it always had to be, because most of the movie is about Blondie and Tuco.

(This does mean Angel Eyes feels a bit underutilized in the movie -- how easily he ends up being dispatched here does feel like kind of a letdown, after all the time we spent building up how competent and terrifying he is. It might have been neat to see a bit more of him being tangibly competent and scary here towards the end, one way or another, even though Blondie ultimately has to end up outwitting him.)

Initially, Tuco just looks confused that his gun didn't fire. Blondie cocks his gun again -- and Tuco flinches, immediately, instinctively thinking it means Blondie's going for him next. But no, he's just going to shoot Angel Eyes again (though not until the moment Angel Eyes has managed to point his gun again -- Blondie could have just shot him right at the start and been done with it, but he has his thing about generally not shooting until the other person starts to draw). Blondie's sparing Tuco, like in his introduction -- and like in his introduction, there's a bit more to it than that.

It's very funny how he shoots Angel Eyes right into a convenient open grave, and then casually shoots his hat and gun into the grave too. I enjoy that this film is stylized enough to get away with this kind of indulgent silliness. (The dollars trilogy continues to commit hat violence.)

Tuco continues to look so confused, until Blondie walks up to the stone and then just smiles at him, again pleased to see Tuco did not even try to shoot him. And Tuco gives kind of a hesitant smile back. So it's the two of them? Blondie does want to share the gold with him after all? Blondie goes to pick up the stone, casually…

…and that's when Tuco looks back at his gun and realizes. It's not jammed, it's empty. He knows he loaded it. The only way it can be empty right now is if Blondie did it, while they were together. It's another betrayal.

I enjoy Tuco going "You wanted to get me killed!" specifically -- emptying his gun and making him defenseless generally would be a recipe for getting him killed, and in his current state of betrayal, it's reasonable to feel that way. But really, if anything, Blondie did this to not get Tuco killed -- it meant he could afford not to shoot him, and to focus on baiting Angel Eyes' shot.

"You see, in this world, there's two kinds of people, my friend: those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig." Turning Tuco's thing back on him sure is a thing that Blondie is very deliberately doing right now and is about to be doing more of. His plan worked, Angel Eyes is dead, and he's left completely in control here with a helpless, unarmed Tuco -- and now he can do whatever he wants. And one of the things he wants is to not have to do the grunt work here.

Tuco, bless him, does not even really consider the position he's in right now, or the slightly malicious undertone to Blondie's words -- he just hears that apparently he can go dig up the treasure.

This is a magnificent scene, of course. The standoff itself is iconic, but the reveal of how Blondie cheated at the standoff -- the three-way duel was really just a two-way duel after all that -- is such a fun twist on it all. On a first viewing we really aren't fully aware just how calculated Blondie is until we get here: we've just seen he's very observant, smart enough to know talking won't save him, and savvy enough not to trust Tuco with the real name on the grave. But no, this man is wickedly smart and he played them both and the audience to get the outcome he wanted, where he wins. Tuco is alive right now only because Blondie wanted him to be.

The finale

Blondie drops Tuco's gun a short distance away from the grave, where Tuco will be able to get it once he's down from the noose but no sooner.

Once again Tuco has trouble reading "Unknown", and once again I love this little character trait. It really is a very counterintuitively spelled word; I can't blame him.

Blondie reveals he wrote nothing at all on the stone, which also means that bringing the rock with him over here at all was pure showmanship. Tuco doesn't even react to that at this point; of course Blondie orchestrated everything in his favor, but he's a bit too preoccupied with the bit where this is the real grave with the real money.

Blondie smiles pretty genuinely as he tells Tuco to go ahead, even though the earlier ominous line about how you dig was more threatening. He knows how much Tuco wants to dig it up, in the end, so this is effectively an invitation rather than an order.

Tuco's excited giggling as he unearths the bags of money and holds it in his hands is precious. He's so utterly giddy about this.

"It's all ours, Blondie!" he says, and that kinda breaks my heart. He's totally accepted they're sharing it, and is excited about it, and unthinkingly speaks of the whole cache as ours rather than as mine. That feels pretty monumental, from Tuco, and I think it's completely genuine in this moment (much as he would probably be liable to betray him later). Only then he looks up to find a noose.

Blondie has probably been planning this since the monastery. He'd play the long game, he'd go along with Tuco to find this gold, and then, once they'd done that, he'd take his own revenge. As far as Tuco was concerned, both the hanging and the desert walk were about turning what Blondie did to him back on him -- but Tuco went quite a bit further in both cases. Blondie may have left Tuco hanging for a couple of seconds, by accident, but the next shot got him down; Tuco tried to make him hang himself. Blondie may have left Tuco to fend for himself in the desert with nothing, but he was alone, able to rest when he wanted, and got back to town fine in the end; Tuco forced Blondie to walk on and on with no breaks until he collapsed, while actively tormenting and humiliating him. They were never even after all this, and beneath it all, even as he grew fond of Tuco in spite of himself -- Blondie has spent this whole journey with the quiet, simmering urge to turn all that back on Tuco, at the end of it all. As I mentioned before, I particularly enjoy the unstated implication that the hanging must have left a pretty strong impression on him, even though he didn't show it much at the time, because he specifically goes out of his way here to replicate that, by making Tuco get up on the cross and put his own head in the noose. But also, leaving Tuco staring at this money that he desires more than anything while unable to get it evokes the water in the desert. Rendering him completely helpless and letting him believe he's going to die evokes both.

(There is, of course, also a practical reason Blondie would do this: given he wants to ride out of here with his share of the money without Tuco on his heels, it ensures he gets a good head start before Tuco could follow. But the details of it decidedly didn't need to be like this. He could have skipped the bit about telling Tuco to get up on an unsteady cross and making it look like he was just leaving him there and specifically disappearing off behind a tree for a bit before returning. No, Blondie definitely wanted to make Tuco squirm, in specific and twisted ways, just like Tuco did to him.)

Originally, I suspect the plan would have ended with just leaving him there, and probably with Blondie taking all the money out from under his nose while he watches (which, after all, is an even better match for what Tuco did to him in the desert). But over the course of the film's events, Blondie's softened a little, and he really has grown fond of Tuco -- not quite so fond he could just shrug and forgive him for the literal torture, but fond enough the plan has changed. He'll let him squirm for a bit, let him fear, but then he'll shoot him down one more time, for old times' sake. And -- perhaps cemented by the fact Tuco went for Angel Eyes during the truel despite everything -- he'll leave half the money for him, too. This is genuinely very soft for Blondie under the circumstances; last time he left Tuco behind with a rope around his neck, Blondie took all the money just because.

(Back at the beginning, Tuco told him, Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he knows nothing about Tuco. Blondie probably knows Tuco might come after him again for this. He chooses to leave him alive again anyway.)

(All in all, I think it's pretty safe to assume both Blondie and Tuco had originally meant to kill the other at the cemetery, but ultimately abandon those plans before they ever come to fruition. Parallels!)

It kills me how disbelieving Tuco is, after all this. Blondie wouldn't play a joke on him like that! Only he sure did, back when he left him in the desert at the start, didn't he. But now?

I enjoy how Blondie's putting his gun away even before Tuco actually gets in the noose. He could try something at this stage, but he still thinks Blondie's not actually doing this, that sure, okay, he'll just get in the rope quickly and then maybe Blondie's going to say something about that time Tuco tried to hang him or whatever and then he'll let him down. Right??

…only then Blondie just goes and silently ties his hands behind his back, tightly, and then pulls on the rope. I love the dawning fear on Tuco's face, his eyes widening and shifting back and forth with the creeping feeling that Blondie could be serious about this.

Even then, Tuco remains there silently confused, waiting for Blondie to turn around and say just kidding, until Blondie's loaded his half of the money onto Angel Eyes' horse, and even then, he only speaks up with this little, hesitant, "Hey, Blon-- Blond--?" (and of course trying to speak just puts him off balance, and Blondie ignores him completely to mount the horse and prepare to ride off). Truly so reluctant to believe this and it's painful.

Blondie's "Sorry, Tuco," is definitely intentionally designed to evoke "Sorry, Shorty," where Shorty did indeed get hanged. This is a cruel, cruel little bit. But lest we forget, Tuco was very, very cruel to Blondie. Their revenge on each other is always so specifically prompted.

Tuco watching Blondie ride off, yelling, repeatedly starting to lose his balance as the noose tightens, increasingly close to tears, is just a magnificent bit made for me and my buttons specifically. Thank you, Sergio Leone and Eli Wallach.

Once Blondie has reappeared and taken out his rifle, he really takes his time aiming carefully with the sight up. It's a shot from much further away than usual, but I like to think it's also a sign that he's absolutely not planning to miss this time.

Tuco's first thought when Blondie reappears is relief, but then as he aims, there's this little moment of Tuco looking uncertain again -- is he going to hit? Is he even going to free him, or is he aiming to shoot Tuco?

There's this simple percussion rhythm that kicks in just as Blondie goes, "Well, now. Seems just like old times," which sort of evokes a pounding heartbeat. It stops when Blondie disappears, comes in again when he reappears, then stops again once he's aiming at the rope and Tuco has that moment of doubt, and then kicks in again after he makes the shot. I think it's largely there for the impact of the bits where it falls silent, as if Tuco's heart has gone still.

Tuco's scream as he falls is probably both just the fact he's suddenly falling with his hands tied (and he lands with his face on the money bags, ouch), the pent-up emotion of all of this, and the instinctive primal fear of having a gun pointed basically at you and then hearing a bang.

Blondie looks so pleased with himself after pulling that off. Tuco's alive, has his gold, can't follow. He made a pretty badass shot that definitely makes up for that one that missed. Tuco may be left with his hands tied and a rope around his neck, just like at the start, but this time he does get his fair share, and Blondie's happy for him to have it. This bit of retribution was enough, and I think he and Tuco are now basically square as far as he sees it -- if not, why leave the gold, after all.

Tuco… feels considerably less pleased about any of this, of course, yelling after him that he's a dirty son of a bitch (or dirty son of a WAAEEAHEEAH, rather). Obviously this was a thoroughly harrowing experience on his end and it makes good sense he's pretty mad about it (Blondie did betray him first!). But he's fine and he has his money, and I definitely imagine he makes it back to town with it, especially with the second horse who's hanging out there not too far away. From there, maybe he pursues Blondie again, hoping for another bout of extremely specific revenge; maybe after he's recovered a little bit he manages to reluctantly let it go for now and enjoy being rich, for real. Which I'm not sure is actually all that enjoyable -- being a wanted outlaw with obscene amounts of money in a society full of money-hungry bounty hunters sounds like a pretty stressful time, actually -- but I'm sure Tuco will squeeze any enjoyment out of it that he can and insist that he's doing great.

Really, though, I root for Blondie and Tuco to meet again one day in a capacity where they could actually just chill and be friends for real. The potential is so clearly there: Blondie obviously can't help being fond of and entertained by Tuco's Tuco-ness; Tuco so clearly really needs the company of someone who actually likes him, even if he thinks what he needs is money; they get along and work together so well when their goals aren't in conflict. I can see Tuco coming after him for revenge and it ending with them coming to a funny mutual understanding instead. It could happen.

Blondie couldn't just let the torture go, though. And I think that's basically the thing that captivates me most about this movie -- this extremely tangled dynamic and the wild extremes that it represents and the way it plays with the audience's emotions. By this point, we don't want Blondie to do this to Tuco -- but it makes sense, doesn't it, that he did not in fact just shrug off and forget about what Tuco did to him. The stoic, unruffled guy was actually silently ruffled enough, beneath it all, to be harboring this plan, and yet over the course of the story has developed enough affection for Tuco to ultimately execute it in this way that is cruel but still leaves Tuco unharmed and with half of the gold. The fact he is that fond of him but still could not find it in him to just ditch this plan entirely says a lot about how it must in fact have messed him up a fair bit. I'm just captivated by this man and the fact he would do this, in this exact particular manner.

(To be clear, my thesis here is that Blondie doing this is interesting and coherent, as a dark, twisted response to some very specific trauma, much like Tuco's own actions were interesting and prompted by specific ways that Blondie had been cruel to him, not that it is justified. These are a couple of fucked-up guys doing fucked-up things to each other for interestingly fucked-up reasons. Maybe, if they do meet again, they can actually talk about it on a slightly more even footing and deal with all this in a healthier way; I want that for them. In the movie itself, though, I'm just enjoying this twisted dance of hurt and revenge lovingly threaded through their genuine bonding.)

Meanwhile, we've grown to love Tuco over the course of all this, in spite of everything, and it's an enormous relief when Blondie actually does come back and shoot him down. We've been following these two characters for three hours, we weren't expecting Blondie to pull the rug out from under us like this now, but it makes a horrible amount of sense, and we're rooting for them but there's enough ambiguity and enough enormous baggage going on between them to genuinely worry he's just going to leave him, which would be awful. There's a very particular emotional progression for the audience going on here that I enjoy a lot (not that that's going to be the exact progression for every member of the audience, because people are different and have different reactions to media, but you know).

All in all, this movie just really got into my head the more I thought about it, and I love it a lot. There's a lot of specific me appeal (what an exquisite amount of executions), but it's also just enormously engaging to my brain on about fifteen different levels. It has definitely taken a spot somewhere on my favorite movies list; I'm not unseating O Brother, Where Art Thou? for official #1 fave, but next time I try to make an ordered list I might put it at number two.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

[hisui555]

Hazbin Hotel thoughts : Foils 2

(Foils 1 here)

(Foils 3 here)

(Foils 4 here)

Masterpost here.

Crawling back out of my cave because my stupid brain won't let me rest. Synapses fired all night yesterday, I'm sure there's some structural damage in the front lobe from all the fireworks going off and bouncing around the walls of my skull, but mostly color me impressed that my asocial side actually got cowed into submission, by PRODUCTIVITY of all things, holy shit, why can't it happen for job interviews ?

...Anyway.

Aaaand without transition I would like to talk about Rosie VS Carmilla (I'm putting a "VS" so that it's clearer from a couple/team, see Foils 1), especially around Ep 7, which has just this magnificent parallel between them, respectively coaching Charlie and Vaggie (yes, TV Tropes already covered that one, shhhh, don't tell my spark of productivity, it might disappear and play dead for months again). For the A plot, we have Charlie, led by Alastor, who's going to Cannibal Town to meet Rosie and ask for reinforcements - basically getting an army of cannibals to lend a hand, even if it's not theirs and has some bite marks on it. For the B plot, on the other side, Vaggie goes to Carmilla to learn how angels can be killed, and from that on asking her for the appropriate weapons. On both sides, the two girls learn about confidence and fighting for the right thing - Charlie grows into the leader she's capable of being, Vaggie steels her resolve and grows her wings back.

What's interesting about those parallel scenes is how much Rosie and Carmilla contrast each other, and are similar to Charlie and Vaggie respectively yet have differences : again, a square of foils. But let's talk about the (seemingly) older women first.

When we stumble upon Cannibal Town, it has a very gentlemanly aesthetic, streets are clean, people are well-dressed and polite, and if you forget the minor detail of cough eating people cough, they are quite the amicable bunch - something Charlie herself comments on, how "surprisingly nice" it is. The second we meet Rosie, we understand why : she's a councelor, the unofficial mayor and of course the Overlord representing them all. She's a faultless host (again, if you don't care much about her specific ingredients), very accomodating, and doesn't rebut Charlie right away despite her enormous demand. In fact, once Alastor chimes in that her citizens would be not only well-armed but also well-fed, she's happy to give it a go and coach Charlie on how to convince them (well, for the most part. Susan.), showing she knows her community very well. Rosie is shown as more of a knowledge broker : she trades information to Alastor in exchange of favors, seems to know things about him that even our deer friend doesn't ("A what now ?" *Pats your shoulder in ace, buddy. You'll get the hang of it.*), and overall comes off as very well-informed.

In the meantime, we follow Vaggie to the industrial side of the Pentagram, where it seems to be more smoke, steel and craft than rural, pictoresque town. Carmilla doesn't let Vaggie enter until she threatens to spill the beans out in plain view of the street, and once she's inside, Carmilla is immediately verbally hostile and commandeering the whole speech ("Ninety seconds."), rebutting each of Vaggie's claims with clinical precision - rightfully countering that she doesn't want to bring the trouble to her doorstep, and put her loved ones (+ workers) in danger, to which Vaggie counters (also rightfully) that if the Hotel fails to defend itself, Carmilla might still kiss her pointy shoes goodbye. Once the time is up, Carmilla attacks, but it's quickly blatant that she's actually stealthily coaching Vaggie into fighting better, both physically and mentally. She's ruthless, brutal, and elegant, but not with the same elegance as Rosie : Rosie's charm and mannierisms are day-to-day, yet she's a proud cannibal, so her elegance hides a very carnal nature by the way of eating human flesh (even if she wraps it in pretty ribbons in a candy box), while Carmilla's cold and sharp demeanor hides her graceful but efficient fighting style - I mean, have you seen those twirls and acrobatics ? Hot dang, she's cool. Rosie is a knowledge broker that knows damn well how to use her information, Carmilla is a weapons dealer that knows damn well how to use her weapons : no wonder she arms herself (and her daughters) first. Carmilla, on the surface, rejects Vaggie's deal, but after a few moments, we see that she's turning it into her own way of helping.

Now we arrive to the two main songs, Out For Love and Ready For This, who are almost back-to-back. Charlie has had her moment with Rosie, who genuinely helped her through her personal problems and her moment of uncertainty concerning Vaggie's secret, and it's time for the big rallying song. And, Charlie, you're cute and all, but sightseeing and camaraderie aren't the things cannibals are interested in - they might have a child's heart (somewhere in a jar behind a desk), but EATING is where it's at ! Good thing Alastor chimed in, hm ? Which kinda rebounds on his private part of the song with Rosie ("Stick with her, you'll be on the winning side !") : their motivations are more selfish than we think. Rosie is genuinely kind and empathetic, but not altruist : doing the Princess of Hell a solid might be a real advantage in the long run, especially for someone like her who trades in favors. On the other side, Carmilla has it out for her own reasons right away, but does a selfless move by teaching Vaggie and lending the weapons : while she doesn't directly stick her neck out, she still helps from the shadows. Her main motive is to protect her loved ones and avoid bloodshed, while Rosie's and the cannibals are to get their belly full and gain political advantage.

It's really like an hourglass between the two : Rosie hears Charlie (and Alastor) out and accepts to help but actually for selfish reason, actively and directly helping Charlie to assert herself, talking her through therapy and words - a language Charlie is very receptive to - teaching her confidence and leadership (something Vaggie already has). Carmilla on her side rebukes Vaggie but actually for more selfless (even if personal) reasons, indirectly (but still actively) helps her to rekindle with her own emotions and be honest with herself (something Charlie already is), all that through physical training and fighting - a language Vaggie knows quite well. You'd think they have the names of the songs crossed and mixed up, yet they fit perfectly : Charlie needs to be Ready For This and finally face physical confrontation, while Vaggie needs to be Out For Love and honest with her feelings and past. They both complement each other.

The smiles Carmilla and Rosie also give at the news are contrasting : Carmilla hears the news and smiles a little smile, to herself, looking proud that it worked, and proud of her 'student'. Rosie on her side has a charming, calculated, wide smile that seems to spell out 'now there we go' and 'ooh, this was nothing, darling' more than 'good job', complete with a cup of tea. It's like she smiles more at the camera than out of genuine pride, unlike Carmilla who just smiles to herself. You'd think tough-as-nails Carmilla would be the last person to teach people to fight for love, yet here we are, while ladylike elegant Rosie, who does show genuine understanding and kindness, is also planning to use Charlie for her own gain.

Wrapping this up, Charlie & Vaggie VS Carmilla & Rosie : Carmilla is kind of a more experienced version of Vaggie (a figther, determined, devoted to her loved ones), with Charlie's core ideas (love, compassion, avoiding fights) while Rosie is a more experienced version of Charlie (connections, empathy, people person) with Vaggie's way of thinking (strategic, knowledgeable, prepared).

Like Vaggie, Carmilla is a fierce fighter that you don't want to piss off, with people to protect, an expert in dealing with weapons (cherry on top : both about angelic steel), even physically they're quite alike : long white hair (especially when Carmilla lets hers go in response to Vaggie's grumbling), similar tone of skin, palette in dark grays and white mostly (Vaggie has more pink where Carmilla has black), both are also Hispanic. They already (unknowingly) share a duet in Whatever It Takes, with personal reasons very close to one another. Carmilla is the perfect combination of Charlie's ideals and Vaggie's realism, leaning more towards Vaggie's side as a fighter. They also look the less relatively demonic, past some features (like Carmilla's oversized arms).

Rosie on her side looks like an upper-class lady who is the leader of her town and an Overlord (mirroring Charlie being a princess and the founder of the Hotel), sharing some reds in their respective palettes (even if Charlie's is more solid red and Rosie's burgundy), pale hair and a very affable, accomodating demeanor. Rosie is the perfect mix of Vaggie's pragmatism and Charlie's kindness, leaning towards Charlie's side as an informator and councelor. They naturally stand in the spotlight, one way or another, and guide people through their problems. They're also both more "demonic" : Charlie is the literal Princess of Hell and hellborn demon, while Rosie has notable very sharp teeth, pitch black eyes (like the town citizens) and... what was it again...? oh right ! Eats people.

(Don't worry, I'm not always a smartass : sometimes I'm asleep.)

That went longer than expected (...as always), but, well, enjoy. Skyscrapers like those are useful when you have time to kill. I might need to consider doing a masterpost for those... might be more practical for those crazy enough to want to read all of my inane rambling (boredom is such a pain, right ?)

Hope you enjoyed.

Again, Masterpost here.

[feministsouthpark]

South Park Filler Guide - Season 4

Link for Season 1  Link for Season 2 Link for Season 3

I find the existence of filler guides quite amusing, since for some shows it makes sense (like Naruto), but for others (like Pokemon) it absolutely doesn’t and they still exist. So here is an attempt to do an absolutely unnecessary one just for fun. 😅

The classifications are CANON (an episode with major storylines present), LORE (in which we get significant backstory or world building, but could be skippable)  and FILLER (completely skippable episodic storytelling, not connected to overarching story arcs)

PLS my analysis will have spoilers, if you’re a first time viewer, just scroll to the bottom and read the list and only read full text if you are familiar with the content of the show already! S4E1 The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000 is CANON

Loogie will be in a later episode, not in a major role, but Kyle having one of his greatest speeches here in important, since his speeches become a focal point later, might as well include this one. S4E2 Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000 is FILLER

Let's be honest, Eric IS actually racist, so the point of this episode doesn't even stand in the long run. We all know this one for telling us that Clyde is the second fattest, but that's not even lore material, as Clyde is a very minor character at this point, and the only time it will matter at all is a time where it's also stated. S4E3 Timmy 2000 is CANON

Basically, the main storyline this season has is Timmy's integration with the kids and the community. So his episodes count, since this is the one string that really connect this season. This one is big, for introducing him as a character and classmate. (in the premier he has but a minor role) S4E4 Quintuplets 2000 is FILLER

Kenny has an interesting storyline of his own, but both that and the rest of the boys find themselves in a very self-contained story. S4E5 Cartman Joins NAMBLA is CANON

This is a big one regarding Kenny's deaths. We have the first big clue to his resurrections. Also, this episode has the incident that would later convince the school to fire Herbert. S4E6 Cherokee Hair Tampons is CANON

Herbert gets fired from school and becomes a writer. What the kids have going on is a classic Kyle/Eric plot. S4E7 Chef Goes Nanners is FILLER

A random crush that gets resolved by the end of the episode? Check. An old relic of the town which we have never seen before and will never see again? Check. S4E8 Something You Can Do With Your Finger is CANON

Yes, we get a lot of Randy backstory that explains so much about him. But that's nothing on its own. Fingerbang gets formed and it will return in one of the show's most important episodes! S4E9 Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? is CANON

Wait, so many canon episodes next to each other, is this season 1? Seriously, a lot of serialization happens in this season, unlike the last one. Satan and Saddam story arc continues. Timmy story arc continues. S4E10 Probably is CANON

It probably is. I mean, it's a direct follow-up to the previous episode, and delivers continuation. S4E11 Fourth Grade is CANON

Diane is introduced, Herbert storyline continues, the boys advance to a whole new grade! S4E12 Trapper Keeper is CANON

Herbert gets a new job, Ike starts at kindergarten. S4E13 Helen Keller! The Musical is CANON

Because as I said earlier, Timmy's story really makes this season a cohesive whole. S4E14 Pip is FILLER

I have always seen this episode as a different continuity, since it's basically just Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. Some people seem to believe this happens with regular continuity Pip, but I hope not, because -HUGE SPOILERS- this version of Pip gets a much happier ending. S4E15 Fat Camp is FILLER

Eric doesn't really get skinny. S4E16 The Wacky Molestation Adventure is FILLER

But it's darn good filler! Episodic characters get the main roles and everything is back by the end. S4E17 A Very Crappy Christmas is FILLER

We never see Mr. Hankey's family again. We get a meta story on how Trey and Matt created the show.

SPOILER-FREE RUNDOWN

Again, CANON means you should watch it, FILLER means you can skip it.

S4E1 The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000 is CANON S4E2 Cartman's Silly Hate Crime is FILLER S4E3 Timmy 2000 is CANON S4E4 Quintuplets 2000 is FILLER S4E5 Cartman Joins NAMBLA is CANON S4E6 Cherokee Hair Tampons is CANON S4E7 Chef Goes Nanners is FILLER S4E8 Something You Can Do With Your Finger is CANON S4E9 Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? is CANON S4E10 Probably is CANON S4E11 Fourth Grade is CANON S4E12 Trapper Keeper is CANON S4E13 Helen Keller! The Musical is CANON S4E14 Pip is FILLER S4E15 Fat Camp is FILLER S4E16 The Wacky Molestation Adventure is FILLER S4E17 A Very Crappy Christmas is FILLER

CANON counter: S1: 9 out of 13 S2: 3 out of 18 S3: 6 out of 17 S4: 10 out of 17 Overall: 28 out of 65

[knee-stockings]

So I’ve been listening to lots of podcasts at work lately to break up the monotony of my office job. Mainly they’re horror, suspense/thriller, drama, that kind of thing. Trying to give ratings without spoilers~

(Check out updated pod recs here)

The Left Right Game (a journalist investigating an urban legend that gets increasingly more dangerous as they go): 5/5, this being one of the first ones I listened to set the bar really high tbh, it was great, immersive sound design, genuinely suspenseful and creepy moments, interesting plot, my only gripe is that I didn’t love the ending but I couldn’t dock a star just for that, highly recommend, maybe I’ll retire to Wintry Bay someday 

Alice Isn’t Dead (delivery trucker goes searching for her believed dead wife, comes across supernatural towns and creatures and a conspiracy that goes way deeper than one missing woman): 5/5, so so good, enjoyed a lot, I loved learning the truth about the Thistle men, still don’t completely understand oracles but that’s okay, some delightfully creepy moments, this will be high on my recommendation list (also it’s by the Welcome to Night Vale people, which I actually haven’t listened to lmao)

Harley Quinn and the Joker: Sound Mind (it’s a Harley Quinn origin story basically): 5/5, very enjoyable, sound design great, plot was fun, I don’t know how accurate this story is to the original Harley Quinn origin story but I liked this a lot

The Burned Photo (two women try to fight a familial curse haunting their bloodlines): 4/5, not bad at all, I thought the sound design was great and immersive but I thought the monster’s voice was a bit goofy idk, the plot wasn’t bad though ofc it was pretty bittersweet and sad in the end, tho I think it was never going to be happy for everyone involved

Blackwood (group of teens investigate the town urban legend and uncover more than they bargained for): I can’t decide…3.5 maybe? It was okay. I didn’t love it or hate it, I’m pretty neutral about it. It was interesting enough

Gaslight (girl goes missing and then reappears to her best friend years later with little explanation): 3/5, feels like there should be another season, wasn’t as dramatic/suspenseful as I thought it would be (maybe that’s my own fault tho, from the description and stuff I thought there would be more to it)

Ice-Cream (teens suspect the friendly neighborhood ice cream man of abducting little kids and uncover a dark secret): 4.5/5, interesting and a lil creepy, there’s something oddly funny about hearing someone scream “fuck you Beelzebub” even in context, sound design is pretty good and voice acting is great, finale was also pretty good but I’m docking half a star bc of that very last bit and bc I said so, overall short n’ sweet, no pun intendo (I’m kinda glad that it’s only the one season and not super long, gives the feeling of not overstaying its welcome. Also in awe that they made it within like a month, gonna go listen to their other podcast Cascadia too)

Cascadia (submarine expedition to uncharted waters, gone wrong, we almost died!?): 5/5, by the Ice-Cream people so I expected great sound design and voice acting and said expectations were met tbh, yes god love the drama, ocean depths are inherently scary to me so this is top tier horror, season one was chef’s kiss beautiful and I heard season 2 is coming so I’ll be waiting eagerly for that

Listening now:

Within the Wires (season 1 is relaxation cassette tapes from another world, season 2 is a guided museum tour I think): also by the WTNV people, interesting so far, the plot that unfolded in the first season was cool to watch as it played out, but also I am so sad. I like it so far

Rabbits (girl goes searching for her friend who disappeared because of this mysterious Rabbits game): feels like a really slow start after a few episodes, I kinda wanna get to more action soon please

Wake of Corrosion (apocalypse where characters are trying to find other survivors and also answers): mild shrug, not sure what to make of it just yet. Only like 2 episodes in so I think I need to give it a bit

Ars Paradoxica (scientist accidentally invents time travel and is thrown back to the 1940s): pretty interesting so far, science is fun 

Spoiler comment for Cascadia under the cut bc it's the one I just finished and I have Thoughts

As much as I enjoyed Cascadia, when I think about the expedition for more than 2 seconds I get confused. Not the whole alien thing, that’s fine, it’s Badger and Maria and their ulterior motives. Why in the world did Badger spend millions of dollars to make a submarine that’s faulty on purpose? And there was so much media coverage around it so the second something went wrong reporters were practically beating him over the head with microphones, so why risk so much bad press? Plus sacrificing three other talented divers who trusted him with their lives??? That’s the most confusing to me. There’s no way Badger foresaw them getting attacked underwater and losing Declan alone, so he must have been fully prepared to lose captain AND crew. Holden said that he saw Badger as a father, and yet he chose Holden to die? He said he handpicked them, so what did Holden, Alia, or Iris ever do to him to deserve being sent on a suicide mission? Doing all this just to get rid of Declan and be with Maria doesn’t feel right. Feels like there should be something more there. Tldr: surely Badger had another reason for conducting the suicide mission, right? Also since season 2 starts with Lila all grown up, a diver just like her father, I wanna know her opinions of her mother and of Badger. Did she learn about her mother’s betrayal? Is Badger still involved in funding deep sea diving or did the FBI take him out of that? Omg who’s the father of her little sibling…I’m so curious…

[charliesinfern0]

☔

WIP Ask Game

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

literally all my fics it’s out of my hands if I ever get one done or not lol

seriously though uhhh I do have a fic idea it’s an aichi cafe au fic where ai owns a cafe and she’s literally the only worker there lol shes finally moved out of her dad’s house and is trying to make it on her own. She makes it work tho bc she’s a robot and she can do a lot at once. One day when business is slow there’s a cat sitting outside and meowing and ai goes to it and is like “aw kitty :) are you hungry? let me get u something to eat” and she goes back in to get smthn for the cat to eat and when she comes back out ichi is there and this is like their first time meeting in this au. Ai is like “oh, is this your cat?” and ichi is just staring at her looking mortified and then he just SPRINTS away and ai is just left standing there like “uh… ok then” and she places the bowl of food down for the cat.

the cat keeps on coming back, and sometimes more cats come over too, so she leaves out a bowl of food and a bowl of water for them whenever they come back. the cats catch the attention of customers, so more people come to her cafe. ai is grateful for the business, but it’s starting to overwhelm her a little and also she has just been feeling really lonely ever since she moved to Akatsuka, so she posts up some help wanted ads around the town.

cut to ichimatsu sitting in his living room staring at the help wanted poster he had gotten from when he went to the grocery store with osomatsu the other day. he doesn’t know why he grabbed it, but he did, and he hid it from osomatsu in his hoodie pocket as he walked out of the store, and he kept it hidden until he finally worked up the courage to stare at it for like an hour, his thoughts racing like “why did I even take this home with me, it’s not like I even have a chance of being able to get a job, let alone have the chance of being able to work with a cute girl you dont even know… this is her phone number on here right? a cute girls phone number…” and then he’s like “IDIOT THATS PROBABLY JUST THE PHONE NUMBER FOR THE WORK PHONE THERE!! AND ITS NOT LIKE SHE HANDED IT TO YOU PERSONALLY, YOU GOT IT FROM A FUCKING HELP WANTED FLYER” and as he’s like banging his head against the floor one of the stray cats he takes care of hops in through the window and like is being all cute and ichi is like “awesome yes a distraction I’m never going to think about this ever again because I have no chance of ever being able to exist in society” and then the cat just takes the flyer and runs away and ichi is instantly booking it down the street trying to chase after it.

back at the cafe, ai is just doin her thing, and she thinks about the guy that ran away from her a while ago. Her mind has been wandering back towards him lately, wondering what was up with him and why he ran away. Just then, she hears the cat meowing outside, and is like “omg it’s that same cat!” And she goes out and right when she does ichi runs up and then he freezes when their eyes meet and ai looks down and sees the help wanted poster in its mouth and then she looks at ichimatsu and asks “do you want to work here?” because 1) this is quite literally kismet via cat 2) he must be the one that attracted the cats to come here and 3) she really needs the help. and ichimatsu is just staring at her like 😦

hard cut to ichi standing behind the counter with an apron just over his hoodie wondering how he even ended up in this situation lol

it’s basically just a cute slice of life fic where ai and ichi work at a cafe together and get closer to one another ^_^ ai also ends up meeting his brothers and many other characters, and she starts to feel more at home in Akatsuka, and with ichi <3

the whole fic was inspired by Music For Animal Cafes by Nobonoko. I have all of the chapter names written down and almost all of them are based off of some of the songs from that album, is some of their other EPs and singles (some of these i might change and I might add more if I actually get to writing this lololol):

We’re Open! (We’re Opening! from Music For Animal Cafes)

Cat in a Sea of Soap (Cat in a Sea of Soap EP)

A Little Background Mewsic (B-Meowsic I and II from Music For Animal Cafes)

Raining Cats and Dogs (Storm from Music For Animal Cafes)

Chat au Chocolat (Chat au Chocolat from Music For Animal Cafes)

To the Moon and Back

10:30 In the Morning (10:30 am Single)

Strawberry Cake (Strawberry+ Album)

Change the Channel (TV2 EP)

Coffee, Hearts, Machines (COFFEE MACHINE from Music For Animal Cafes, and My Heart is a Machine Single)

Six Cats Ate Six Plates (Three Tigers Ate Three Plates from Music For Animal Cafes)

Hope To See You Again Soon! (Thank You! from Music For Animal Cafes)

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

crisis time, I’m taking a poll about wtf to do again now that I have more info.

Play my life like a choose ur own adventure game!

Option 1, working in a very hot humid climate in summer (think Florida). You live 10 min from the beach and it’s a tropical paradise but like. It’s HOT and might rain a lot, could be a little miserable at times. Again, think a Florida beach town in summer (but no republicans or capitalist mouse). Easy job in hospitality industry - all in air conditioning etc, and you can go swimming and scuba diving and snorkeling and surfing all the time, but the cost of living is higher and no guaranteed housing. Gotta sort that out just how you would moving to any random town.

Option 2, get a job in the middle of nowhere farther south (think central California). 3+ hour commute to literally anything, but “literally anything” includes your favorite city ever so you can still see your friends in said city sometimes (important), go to concerts (important), etc. However since your favorite city is the one closest, you’re not going to explore much. The weather will be pleasant to hot, but you will be doing difficult physical work outside 6 days a week. Housing gets sorted for you, minimal expenses or places to spend your money at all. This option is a little like going to jail but you can visit not jail and u come out rich

Secret 3rd option (new!), basically option 2 but on a very beautiful island (Tasmania) with tons of hiking and beaches (water is cold) + higher cost of living and not as high pay. Pleasant temperatures, physical work outside. You are stuck on this island, though, and it is significantly harder to leave or go anywhere else. You could probably leave once or maybe twice in 3 months. Sucks if you get bored of it. This is the only place of the 3 you haven’t been to at all before.

[away-ward]

I think you were talking about me oops 🙈. Anyways if there was an AU where willemmy actually got together during their highschool years and stayed together. What do you think it would be like?

I was, but I was able to figure it out!! Thank you though. I'll answer this one since you beat me to it!

I actually think about this au lot! My basic willemmy high school au is

1. Martin's busy and strict, but not abusive.

2. Banks lives with her mother (also not abusive) but attends TBP because Damon wants her around and he agrees to stay out of "trouble" (loose term) which is a load off Gabriel who'd rather not be called 15 times a day about his unruly son.

3. Banks and Emory are good friends on account that they both come from underprivileged backgrounds (and secretly both have a crush on a horseman)

4. Emory starts dating Will first because Kai has to work around Damon to get to Banks. Benefit is that Will is usually seeking Emory out, and where Emory is, Banks is probably close by.

And from there it's stupid little high school plots, like Emory falling off the gazebo and the group rushes to the hospital. Or, Elle and Banks sneak Emory out of the house under the lie of grabbing dinner and driving around, and then dragging her to a party. Movie dates, concert nights, etc.

This of course would require Emory to be more easy going and less driven than she is in the series. She puts a lot of time into her projects around town, and truthfully if she'd had the distraction that Will would be, she might struggle to meet her goals. Not that it's impossible. It would just be more difficult. It would also require Will to be more mature.

I used to think the biggest problem would be Emory wanting to go to Berkeley and Will being a legacy at Princeton. But Will only had to go to Princeton because he was a legacy. His grades weren't good enough for anywhere else and it's the only school his parents were willing to pay for. In NF, Will said he was had no direction for his future and until he did, his father would be making the decisions. However, if Will had Emory, he'd most likely have tried to get into wherever she wanted to go, which would mean he'd have to work to get there and I think he would. His parents would be willing to pay if he had a plan, so that probably wouldn't be an issue at all. He might go to Trinity in Meridian his first year and then transfer.

I think if Will and Emmy were in a sweet romance, they'd have been fine. I'm not sure what their third act breakup or scare would be though? Probably something personal on Em's side and she shuts Will out because she doesn't know how to talk about it, and then Will gets mad because doesn't she know she can trust and rely on him? Maybe?

I think it'd work out in the end though.

Future-wise, they might have a close call or near break up during college, but nothing serious. I think they'd get married pretty early, possibly soon after Em graduates. Of course, Will proposed years ago. Once, formally, with his mother's ring, and several times while drunk or tired.

They might live wherever Emory gets a job to start (I don't know why, but I get the impression that whatever Will chose to do, he could do anywhere), but after a few years Emmy decides they should move back, at least to Meridian if not Thunder Bay. It's clear how much Will misses his friends and home town. And after five to six years away, it's a small sacrifice on her part. Besides, she loves the town too.

But also her grandmother is still there, so maybe they go back right away. Or maybe since Martin is okay, Emory's fine leaving and just visiting until she gets older. Point is, Will let's Emmy decide their location since her dream job is more important, and travel is easy for him and his family.

From there, I think their family would progress much the same: Three kids and a dog, successful businesses, friends and family close by.

What do you think? Any specific plots or ideas that catch your daydreams?

I don't have an au where Emmy is still abused and ends up with Will in high school, unless you count Pursuit, in which Will has to kill Martin to make it happen. But that's a little different. Either way, I think the overall point was nightfall was that they wasted time not being together, so anything that gets them together sooner equals a happier willemmy.

Thanks for the question. It was nice to flesh out some of these ideas.

-Ko