#so anyway because they didn't cut enough out 2 weeks ago i have to have another operation

[emmavakarian-theirin]

not my doctor saying my skin issue is superficial and suggesting chemotherapy as an option in the same sentence 💀

[skzcollision]

take the breath that's true | lee felix (1/2)

pairing: non-idol!lee felix x fem!reader

content info + tw: time travel, angst, fluff, felix is called yongbok in this, wrote this when i was sleep deprived lol, violence + bullying

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It had begun as a small lie, really. A lie so good, you believed it yourself.

"I'm taking a semester off."

You would be doing a paid internship to fill that time, so it's not like you're not doing anything because god forbid you take a break from your studies to backpack through Europe or something so useless. Your parents would have a stroke.

And then, you did the unthinkable.

You dropped out of university.

Got a full-time job at a bookstore. Began living life peacefully, all the while deceiving your parents who lived a few hours away.

The liberation you felt by doing this was nothing you had ever experienced before.

Of course, it had its drawbacks. You were practically living a lie. Because you dropped out of school, you no longer saw your friends every day. They often hung out without you, and over the years, you eventually turned into something of a social recluse.

You had one good friend from work who invited you to go out every once in a while. Each time you declined because blowing out your eardrums whilst standing in a room packed with strangers either drunk or high on something never really appealed to you.

Soon enough, you reached a place of discontentment.

Would your life have turned out any better if you pushed through with school?

That was something you wondered about every single day.

"Are you eating well?"

The line fell silent, save for the distant sounds of your mother chopping up something on her cutting board. You could hear something boiling on the stove.

You stared blankly at the bowl of instant noodles by your sink.

"Yes."

Another small lie amongst all other lies.

"You sure?" She pressed, disbelief evident in her voice. "Why don't I come over there sometime, fix you up a proper meal-"

"No. Mom, you don't have to do that. It'll just be a waste of gas, I'll be really busy these upcoming weeks."

"Well, when is your break? It's been a while since you've last visited us, you know. Your poor father has been wanting to see you, he misses you."

Your mother knew just how to pull at your heartstrings.

"I know, I miss you guys too. I'll visit on my birthday, okay? In a couple of months, I promise."

Seven years ago;

They were at it again. The three biggest pompous assholes of your grade.

This time, it was this short, lanky kid. You recognized him from homeroom.

Your eyes flitted to his so-called friends, turning away sheepishly when he looked to them for help. Just one moment ago, they were all at their table, talking and laughing.

Why was no one doing anything?

Just as you were lifting yourself from your seat to inform a teacher - someone, anyone - another boy stepped in front of the smaller one.

The bullies were blocking him from your line of sight, but you could see that he wasn't much taller than the former. They were still towering over him.

"Isn't that Yongbok?" The girl behind you whispered to her friend. "He does taekwondo, right?

"Yeah... but there are three of them. And they're double his size."

You promptly slid out of your seat, gripping onto your metal lunch tray. Your friends glanced at you in a snap, all visibly concerned. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just..." You didn't get to finish your sentence as you neared the guys. Not that you knew the answer to that anyway. You were acting on pure impulse.

Now you could fully hear what they were saying.

"Rich guy, huh?"

They were apparently laughing at the boy's choice of accessories. He wore a gold watch on his wrist. It did look quite funny on him - only because it seemed a bit too big and grown up for the boy.

Something did surprise you, though.

If he was intimidated, he was great at hiding it. It was as if they were all having a normal and friendly conversation. On the other hand, the kid behind him was close to wetting his pants.

"So, if you're done talking to my friend, we would like to have our lunch now."

This did nothing to defuse the situation.

"What did you just say?"

Sweat pooled between the palms of your hands, the utensils clattering as they shook in your tray.

Your mind flashed to the first week of school. That kid, who got beaten up so badly he was coughing up blood.

Was this just going to keep on happening?

Without much thought behind it, you drew your arms back and flung your tray at them as hard as you could.

It made an audible plunk as it collided with the back of their leader's head.

There was momentary silence before the cafeteria exploded with stunned gasps and sputters of laughter. You remained frozen at your spot, arms still above your head. Your lunch was now on his white shirt, staining it orange.

"Who the hell-"

Everyone in the room was staring at you. Your gaze fell to the boy with the gold watch. He looked afraid now.

But not for himself.

You were so, damn lucky.

One second, you were receiving the deadliest stare from the scariest guy at school, and the next, a teacher had come to break them up.

For the next few days, you went everywhere with your friends. Needed to use the restroom? Needed to grab something from your locker? The whole group was coming with you.

You had never once been so scared for your life.

One afternoon, one of your friends had overheard the bullies talking. They were teasing their leader for letting you off the hook so easily. He apparently refused to bully a girl - a cute one at that.

"Oh my god, ew. Unbelievable." You shook your head with an expression of disgust. "There's no way. You made that last part up."

"He really said that!"

Your friend next to you released a wistful sigh, pursing her lips. "I wish someone would fall in love with me right after I'd just chucked a full tray of food at them, too..."

Things weren't so easy for gold watch boy, though.

He became their target. And he made it so easy for them, too. Every time any of them had a problem with anyone, he would be there, at their rescue. Taking their place. He didn't fight back either.

You just didn't get it.

How could someone possibly endure that much? That had to have taken a physical and mental toll on him. Yet you would see him in the hallways every single day, with that same bright smile. Despite the cut on his lip.

They kept getting interrupted on school grounds, so the bullies had made it routine to take him somewhere after school. You decided to follow them one day, and you were led to an alleyway just a couple blocks away from school.

Why didn't he just run away? You had seen him on the track. He was one of the fastest in your grade.

"... just not on my face, guys."

You ran and snuck up behind some stairs, peeking over the railing.

Whatever he had said earned him some scoffs.

"Pretty boy doesn't want his face ruined."

"What a vain little shit."

Yongbok blinked widely, almost innocently - as if it was all just one little misunderstanding.

"Oh, it's not like that at all. It's just my mom... I don't want her to know about any of this."

"Alright," the biggest of them all chuckled, lip curling smugly.

Your heart twisted in anger.

"We can have that arranged for you," he ambled towards the boy.

"Sike!"

His body turned, and his foot suddenly shot up out of nowhere.

You winced with your entire self as the boy stumbled back, holding himself up against the brick wall.

"Shit..."

From your angle, you couldn't tell what exactly happened. But you knew you had to do something before the situation escalated.

You could swear your whole life flashed before your eyes as you sped towards them, yelling. "Stop!"

"The hell?"

"It's that bitch that threw the tray!"

You stopped just a few feet from them, your thoughts racing a mile a minute. A deep sense of regret - then anger, at these stupid bullies, and at yourself for not knowing what to do next and just charging at them like an idiot.

Someone then yanked on your wrist, ending your train of thought. You were forced to move on your feet again as Yongbok dragged you with him through the alleyways. Several voices followed, hollering at you - but you couldn't register anything they were saying as you were focused solely on getting away.

It felt like it had gone on forever. Fortunately, you had run into some policemen, and that managed to scare the guys away.

You now sat at a convenience store, icing Yongbok's jaw where a bruise was starting to form.

"Man, what am I going to do about this?" He clicked his tongue as he stared at his reflection. "This isn't gonna go unnoticed - and I'm running out of excuses."

You were brimming with anger once again.

"Why do you let them do that to you?"

He stared at you, dumbfounded.

"If they don't pick on me, they'll just pick on someone else."

He had said it so plainly and simply. It was mind-boggling. You genuinely could not tell if he was the bravest and most selfless person you had ever met or just an idiot. Somehow, you felt he was both.

You walked away momentarily to pick up something from the cosmetics aisle, paid for it and went to sit back down again.

"So..." You began as you gently dabbed some coverup on the bruise. "You think this makes you like some sort of hero then?"

"Hadn't thought about it that way," his eyes darted across your face absentmindedly. "I'm sorry I didn't get to thank you, for the other day. In the cafeteria."

You waved him off, cleaning your finger on a piece of napkin. "You take their hits on purpose, don't you. I can tell."

He bobbed his head, looking down at his shoes.

"And you dodge some so you don't end up seriously injured."

You sighed through your nose in exasperation. "Why haven't you reported them?"

"You don't know, do you?" He gazed out the window. "Nothing will be done about it. One of them - his father donates large sums of money to the school."

"Doesn't make him untouchable."

"It kind of does."

You hated it. That deep down, you knew he was right.

Yongbok slid a packet of ice cream towards you. "Here," he grinned. "For saving me from the bullies, twice."

Present;

On the ride home, the car passed by your old high school. It did - every time you came back.

And you were always left wondering what ever happened to that freckled boy since you last saw him.

If he was happy, and if he was doing better than you now. You hoped so.

It was comforting how much had remained the same, as if you had never left - a time machine in a way.

You longed to go back.

To the summer before you began your first year in university. The last time you were ever truly happy.

Despite it being the night before your actual birthday, your parents had thrown an event for you. So many people had shown up - neighbors, old friends from high school that stayed back.

It felt very reminiscent of the past when everyone would get together, and you slept that night content for the first time in a very long time. You dreamt of your life before, how those warm memories felt closer than ever now that you were here.

Such happiness...

"Wake up, my precious girl~"

A grin was spreading across your face before you could even fully open your eyes. You ignored the ache behind them as the sun greeted you first thing.

Your mother smiled kindly back at you, her fingers gently combing through your bedhead.

"Mom..."

"Hm?"

"Can't I stay here..." You mumbled. "Stay here forever?"

She laughed softly, and your smile grew at the sound. "Don't you want to see your friends today? They must have something planned for you."

"My friends?" You rubbed at your eyes, still disoriented from sleep.

"C'mon," she stood, patting your leg. "Let's get up. I've prepared breakfast."

With your eyes half-shut, you felt your way out of the room and sat yourself on a wooden chair.

Your mother settled a bowl of soup in front of you on the table. "Happy birthday, sweetie..."

"I have something for you." Excitement shone in your father's eyes as he pushed a dark blue box towards you.

He didn't... again?

"Dad, you don't need to get such expensive gifts."

He chuckled heartily. "Can't I get something nice for my only daughter just this once?"

You flipped the lid open and grew puzzled at what was inside. It was a simple, silver necklace with a round diamond pendant. The one you wore every single day.

The one your father gifted you a few years back. It was the first time he had spent so much on a present.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes, but dad - isn't it..."

Everything felt eerily familiar.

You shot up from your chair, and headed back to your room.

"What's wrong?"

You searched for the necklace on your nightstand where you had placed it last night, then on the floor, if it had fallen by any chance.

It wasn't there.

As you rose to your feet, your eyes caught the screen of your phone.

What? It couldn't be right. Yesterday was Friday... so shouldn't it be Saturday?

"You guys aren't... playing some sort of prank on me, are you?"

Your parents glanced at each other with momentary confusion, then back to where you stood in the hall.

"Are you that surprised with my gift?" Your father laughed, then beckoned you over. "Come on, you can put it on now. Then we can eat."

It was happening again - all of it.

The things your parents said at breakfast, you wouldn't have been able to recall it but now that it was in front of you all over again, there was no doubt about it.

Everything was the exact same.

You looked in the mirror and had bangs again.

Your phone was blowing up with the same messages from your friends in that old group chat.

This only meant one thing.

He was still here.

⭒

[lady-harrowhark]

If anyone remembers/still cares about my bizarro jaw bone spur debacle from this summer, I have an update for you! I'm fine now, this is all past tense, but probably don't read this if you don't want to hear about dental/bone stuff.

So to recap, earlier this summer I felt some irritation in my mouth and when I checked it out in the mirror, there was a tiny little off-white shard of something sticking out of my gums on the inside of my lower molars. I figured it was a little piece of food that poked me, but when I touched it, it 1) was hard and sharp, 2) would not move, and 3) hurt so bad that it about knocked the wind out of me. Even in the moment I knew this sounded dramatic and highly improbable, but I was immediately Very Sure that it was a little shard of bone.

By the next morning it was so swollen that I couldn't see if it was still there, and after four or five days I ended up calling around and found a dentist who could get me in to take a look because my usual dentist at the student health center didn't have any immediate openings. By that point I was taking Tylenol + ibuprofen around the clock as well as using Orajel numbing gel and icing it, but nothing was touching the pain. Also, the side of my face and down into my neck was starting to swell, and sleeping and eating was extremely difficult due to the pain.

The dentist I ended up seeing was very friendly and pleasant but ultimately pretty dismissive. Nothing showed up on an X-ray but he could see a spot of "hyper-irritation" where I'd had the little shard, and he said it was possible that a "bone spur" worked its way out through my gums. Usually that only happens after oral surgery or an injury, but I'd also had a dental cleaning a few weeks prior that was weirdly aggressive and left that part of my gums bleeding and sore for several days, so it was possible that was enough to dislodge something left over from when I had my wisdom teeth removed years and years ago. Or maybe it was just a little cut. He then told me to alternate the Tylenol and ibuprofen instead of taking them simultaneously and to call back in two weeks if it wasn't better or if it started getting hard to eat or sleep. I reiterated that it already was hard to eat and sleep, and asked if I was understanding him correctly that he wanted me to take LESS pain medication. He paused, and then said to call back in one week if it wasn't better.

So obviously I went out to my car and cried. I have a very skewed pain tolerance from a lifetime of chronic illness experiences and I'm a very smiley and friendly person in general, so I do acknowledge that I don't usually LOOK like I'm in pain, especially to someone who's only just met me. But for me, the fact that I even made an appointment for it is a giveaway that this is like, off the charts levels of pain. I called my dad since he's a doctor and he was able to prescribe some antibiotics for me just in case, and walked me through how to adjust the ibuprofen dose to be the equivalent of prescription strength. I'd decided that if it wasn't any better by the next day, I was going to urgent care. Thankfully it was a smidge better, and over the next maybe two or three weeks it mostly went away, although for while I could still feel sort of a divot on my gum where the bone spur had been.

ANYWAY yesterday I had my regular dentist's visit, the first time I'd been in since then. I told the hygienist about it, and she seemed kind of alarmed, especially because she could also still feel the little spot on my gum. The dentist ALSO seemed pretty shocked and could feel where it was as well.

So here's the update: I apparently have a little bit of extra bone built up around my back lower molars, which is unusual but not unheard of, and mine is very very mild in comparison to what you see when you Google "mandibular tori" - mine is really just that it's slightly rounded or mildly bowed right below my molars rather than going straight down to the bottom of my mouth as is typical, minor enough that no dentists have ever mentioned it to me. I never even realized that wasn't what everyone's were like until this spring when a massage therapist I saw for TMJ stuff mentioned that she noticed it. So in general that's not any sort of issue for me, EXCEPT that the dentist yesterday said that the gum tissue can be pretty thin where it has to stretch over the extra bone, which can also be kind of pointy or sharp.

Given that plus the fact that I hadn't had any sort of recent injury or surgery in the area like you would expect for a bone spur, she said it was more likely that I somehow scraped or cut the gum right down to the bone.

It wasn't a bone spur. That was my literal, actual jaw bone showing through my gums.

[forestshadow-wolf]

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

"How?" Soap whispers the broken word after a nameless amount of time, bags and food and everything else had been long forgotten. "You didn't come back. They- they gave me your tags." The words no less broken than before.

Simon opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out, his lips seal again. Johnny can see in his eyes some inner turmoil, like simon doesn't quite know how to explain. A lock of sandy blond hair falls over his forehead, nearly reaching his eyes. Simon will probably want it cut soon, he doesn't like it getting too long, especially since he said it makes the mask uncomfortable. Simon's not wearing the mask, he realizes.

It's that thought that makes him realize he really could have never seen that hair again, his eyes water but the tears don't fall. Johnny sniffles, nosing into Simon's neck. He feels small, like he's a kid again and just woken from a nightmare. He runs his hands through that hair, over his neck, along his arm, down his torso, feeling just to feel. And simon smells like simon. Alive. And safe. And at home. Simon is alive and is wrapped as tightly around johnny as he is around simon.

"Kate's wife, Joan" johnny had no idea where this was going, but he stayed silent. "she's also CIA, 11 weeks, and 4 days ago her team found me while they were looking for someone else. They found me wandering the woods in some sort of daze. I must've hit my head in the explosion 'cus I don't remember much for the first couple days after." The more words out of Simon's mouth, the more worry worms into soap's gut. It was supposed to be a simple milk run, get the target and get out, simple. None of this... explosion shit. "They had to put me into a medically induced coma for 2 weeks. I have no records so they had no idea who I was. That's why they didn't cantact you or price. Laswell works hand to keep my record scrubbed, so Joan couldn't exactly tell them who I was. But she helped get me back here herself, stocked the fridge with easy meals, made sure I wouldn't accidentally kill myself, but she couldn't stay any longer, only had one day. I was still kinda fuzzy after that, couldn't barely figure out how to get myself food and water, much less work a phone.. I was sleeping most of the time anyway. I did try to call a few weeks back, but I think either the power went out and the router needs to be reset or the router broke or something, I don't know any of that stuff but I got no signal, and I haven't exactly been able to get around to looking at it, and the car's at base obviously so..." simon scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"I'm so reading the report you give to price. How'd you even manage to fit an explosion bad enough to give you amnesia on a simple in and out mission?"

Johnny opended his mouth to say something else, but simon beat him to it. "And before you ask, Joan and Kate don't share anything about their cases with eachother.. plus I think Joan's tean found me somewhere classified or something. She wasn't allowed to say anything. Also I'mnot the one who caused the explosion, so don'tblame me." He closed his mouth.

Johnny hugged him again, "you're alive." He whispered, "I missed you." And simon hugged him tighter.

"How long'd you get sent on leave?" Johnny mumbled something into his neck, sounding disgruntled. "C'mon, johnny, can't hear you like that." Simon smiled.

"Whose to say I got sent here." He huffed, Simon laughed

"Because if you'd have listened to me you'd have been here a month ago. C'mon how long?" Simon prodded.

"... 6 weeks."Simon whistled at that.

"What'd ya do to get that long?"

"... beat up one of the first day recruits." He grumbled, "but they were talkin' a loada gob 'bout you." He sank deeper into a pout.

"Defending my honor? And they say chivalry is dead, thank you." Simon kissed the top of his head.

Should I make a part 3?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for defending my friend lying about his dog dying?

Cw for animal abuse and Is ableist language (using sociopath as synonym for bad person)

I was in a friend group of three. Me (24f) my best friend since age 7 (24m) and we have a mutual friend he met in college when he moved away and has known for a little over a year (23f). Callin' them Liam and Rory for ease. Liam had an Esa (not a service dog, an esa). His whole life has revolved around this dog since we were 16 and he moved away. He keeps a very strict schedule with this dog. We are all aware of it because he will leave group chats mid conversation to make sure "Buddy" gets walked or fed or whatever time it is. He takes really good care of this dog and hand-makes its meals and takes it to the vet every 2 months.

Few weeks ago he was acting weird but trying to cover it up. I had been meaning to ask what was going on more privately but I kinda dropped the ball because my aunt died suddenly.

Flash to a week ago Rory sent a huge wall of text to our group chat calling Liam a barrage of names like "sociopath". It turns out that his dog died but he'd been acting like everything was the same which is why he seemed off. She found out when she came onto his property to check on him and he had to "confess."

Shes upset at him for lying but I knew there was more going on. So I talked to him about it privately over the phone and he just shattered. He had no idea what to do or say because he thinks his dad killed Buddy but he doesn't have direct proof. I had never heard him cry before this, because he was raised to really keep that stuff close to his chest. He's tried to open up to me over the years but it's visibly difficult for him especially with how his father still treats him. I believe him because if he truly wanted to manipulate me I still do not think he would have let me see that. He kept apologizing and sounding really lost and ashamed so I really don't think it was an act, you can't fake that kind of helpless abused kid feeling.

I forgave him for keeping it from me because it was obvious he was going to tell us once he processed the situation because that's a lot to say the least. I explained what happened to Rory and said sure maybe it wasn't 100% in the right but he was obviously expiercing trauma and him acting like everything was fine wasn't about hurting us, and we knew something was wrong but didn't ask, she thinks he's trolling for sympathy and that if I forgive him it tells her everything she needs to know about what kind of person I am. And says if he really thinks he dad killed his dog he would have called the police.

There are several reasons he shouldn't call the police one being that his dad has always treated Laim really badly but we never thought he would kill a dog and my friend has to live with him because he's a broke college student. She said he should have figured that out on his own but instead he manipulated us and is now trying to make us feel bad that he got caught.

I also feel like he was in danger from his dad and if he told us Buddy was gone he'd have to say why and then he'd be lying to us anyway until he figured out what the hell happened or if it was safe to tell us. We don't have enough information so I just don't think it's fair to totally write him off as a bad person over what is obviously and extremely traumatic situation? Without even talking to him? She found out Buddy was dead, left and refused to speak to him before announcing her departure from the group and blocked him on everything and basically made me choose between her or him.

I told her that was a really heartless take and that she's over reacting and she told me if I wanted to be best friends with a sociopath that was none of her buisness but she wanted nothing to do with either us because I'm just as bad as him if I don't agree with her so she doesnt loose anything by cutting me off.

She really made me feel like I was helping Liam hide a body. So I'm wondering if she's right. I don't think I'll change my mind, I won't abandon him but I am willing to admit I was wrong if I am.

Am I the assshole for sticking by him?

What are these acronyms?

[blackfairy312]

Songs of Disarray Cast so far (need to finish James' reference along with Harry and Mike (Mary's dad and brother)

askbox is closed right now because there are like 16 asks in there and i don't want to overwhelm myself so i'll slowly answer everything in my own time!!! mental health had been AWFUL. after my ex broke up with me i was stuck in a terrible bpd episode for weeks, and ultimately decided to cut myself out of his life for the sake of my own mental health. it's already a bad time of year for my PTSD (i had very intense flashbacks for a little while before i got my ned medication), and dawg don't even get me started on election day. america is fucking awful and i'm angry that people want to take away the rights of women and minorities. being a transgender mexican/black male in texas sucks ass. but i don't want to talk about it any more than i already have.

my motivation to do things has been very low, i think what the plan for Songs of Disarray is gonna be that i'll finish the character refs, maybe edit them, and work on the chapters last. i want the story to be GOOD and as a perfectionist i'm gonna be reworking stuff and constantly thinking of what exactly i want to do in this story (or how i want to write it). maybe in the far future i'll try to find a few artists to help me turn it i to a webcomic? i don't know cause i'm like mentally disabled and am having a VERY hard time getting a job, so if i were to hire an artist i don't know if i'd be able to pay them. i get like 40$ for weekly allowance and am not good at saving money.

anyway i also beat silent hill 3 for the first time (i played it once a long time ago and went back to play silent hill 2 to get all the endings, then my computer broke and i couldn't play either for a while). GREAT GAME!!!!! might replay it a few more times before moving into silent hill 4, which i am VERY excited to get to cause i am FASCINATED by the lore in that one. walter sullivan seems like an interesting character and i want to digest any and all lore about the order. after 4 i'll find a way to play 1, idk cause my laptop has 57gb of storage and i cant even download two games for my emulator 😭 i have to download one at a time and i have NO IDEA what is taking up 90% of my storage?????? its so annoying and i might have to get a new laptop if i want to continue playing emulated games but i like my current laptop, it works very well despite that (all the five nights at candy's games run perfectly on it, except fnac 1 remaster sometimes will have lag/framedrops if i'm clicking on the cams too fast, which happened a lot when i played null night but it didn't happen enough for the game to be unplayable. and i ended up beating null night anyway)

so uh yeah

[noacfapologyst]

telltale heart — matty healy. part 2

´part 1´

summary: you and matty have a pending meeting at some awards where you promised to go as a couple. but something goes wrong.

wc: 2,5k

a/n: hey! i'm so sorry for the lateness. a lot has just happened these days but here is the second part. thanks for the love, x.

The weeks between the awards and the proposal to take Matty as your date have been from the moment he left the studio, the only thing you've ever seen going on in your mind.

You haven't been able to sit down and compose peacefully, or be able to just have a conversation without mentioning him without you slipping through your cheeks. Or that he appears in stains on your writing, the references may be exhaustive at some point, but your brain is about to explode just to think that he'll be there for you, and just for you. You wish his hand would occasionally slip into the waist of the dress you will wear and you would use that touch to keep it forever in your memory.

Even in your best dreams you wouldn't have had the courage to ask him to accompany you to prizes like your date, you can actually stand near him without trembling about it by mere chance.

Two weeks before, you go back to the conversation that tortured you several days ago with your team.

"Matty Healy, are you really sure?" Your manager inquires again, you cross your legs again. It's a sequence you've been living since Friday. "It dissolves your image too much in front of his. I don't know if it fits."

"Really, I don't care." You shrug your shoulders with heaviness. Your image is ruined anyway, but you're not going to let them take this off your hands. "Whether i go with someone or not, there is a stir. I was cheated, remember." You point again and you look at your fingernails, you need to finish defining everything now. "I don't care if it ruins my reputation. Matty is my friend, end of discussion, Helen."

Maybe it's the tone of voice or maybe you've just fed everyone up with it but Helen, your manager for years, sighs and nods with discontent. A winning smile sits on your face. You understand the worry in that office really, but you have one more card to play. You don't really care what his image is from doors to the outside because with everyone around him he's never been more than a gentleman and that's the only thing you really stick with when you have to talk about him.

"Plus, we give the media what they want. The antithesis of Sam." Helen decides it's time to let the argument go and even though her face is a weak grin they decide to move on to the other agenda items.

"Have you decided the dress, at least?" Your innocent smile betrays you and you're nowhere near getting a blow to your head.

You run into a bubble of teenage foolishness, she should understand that. But you won't discuss that either because deep down you've let him look distracted.

"I'll see the dress later, I'll let you know which one I choose." You inform her at the end by taking a sip in the cup of coffee. Helen doesn't make any sound anymore, and you know you've officially won.

--

Stylists really only want to kill you now or throw some fabric over your head. But they are right in their anger, you shouldn't have waited until the last week to choose the dress or gather too many designers in one place without having a very clear idea of fabrics, cuts and necklines. All you know is it has to be red, it can't be any other color under any forecast.

But it's not that you didn't want to choose it, you just couldn't find the right one. Which is kind of a lie.

No one can deny that there is an attraction in you posturally just by seeing you from afar, there is some light in you that stands out without you trying. You know that you're actually beautiful and that you're lucky enough to fit in dresses and that anything would be fine to show off on you. Your face has small freckles and you have good proportions between your nose, your eyes moderately green and almond, and your round lips. Your hips and abdomen are fine although you've never paid too much attention to them, or at least lately. But you know that your figure is imposing and immutable when the line is drawn between your low back and your high back and everything stands out there.

But this is different, it's a dress for and by Matty. It has to be perfect, not close to it. It may be one of the few opportunities you have in your life to receive his look on your body and make you tremble even just by looking at your cheeks. And that's also why the red dress has to be camouflaged on your cheeks.

In the end you find it and you couldn't be happier with the result. Red satin, straps around the back and neckline. When you test it automatically your body functions like a teenager and you start spinning around it without even finishing tying your high heels properly. But as you see yourself spinning in the mirror a smile sits on your face from ear to ear.

"It honestly feels like it was designed for you." After everyone in the room approves it by nodding as they take the measurements for the final adjustments, your image advisor shows up at the door and his confirmation lets you see that you're going to be relevant at the awards and with several glances on it overshadowing several more artists. "You look like the fucking winner."

And that confirms that you've finally found it. And it's perfect.

---

"Hey." Matty's face appears on your computer screen when he calls you on FaceTime. They haven't seen each other in person since the night at the studio, but their contact has been maintained anyway. "How do you feel about the awards?"

"Why the question?" You better place the device on the table and rest the guitar on your legs. You take the opportunity to spend some time watching how the hair on his front move each time he accommodates the camera.

"I wanted to make sure you remembered that we will be the best couple at the awards." Your heart stops for a second. "Believe me when I tell you that Sam is going to vomit with resentment when he sees us." The archness in his voice, the change of tone, the punctuation of the latter. The silly smile and the wink he makes. Too much for three o'clock in the afternoon.

That's when you realize something else. Ever since Matty became your supposed date, you haven't spent a second thinking about your breakup or your ex or who she's going to take. Just now you're rethinking it.

"You still there?" Matty claps his palms and looks at you from the screen with a frown. He doesn't mean it in a blunt way, but he knows how your brain works and he knows you've frozen to yourself.

"Yes, I don't know, I had forgotten he was going to be there." In fact it's a confession would be because it's realistic. You've been in your pink bubble about Matty that you forgot your ex would be there. "I don't wanna see him. I would like he stop exists sometimes." You laugh silly and he gives it back to you with a supportive look.

"It won't bother you, darling. I'll protect you." You feel like you're gonna throw up rainbows for the next five minutes and you don't know exactly what the trigger is. But luckily you can hear George's voice in the background and you know Matty's going to say goodbye. "See you on Friday. I'll get a red bow for the suit."

"That would be fantastic." You wink at him revealing the color of your dress and he smiles waving his hand around the camera as if he were a small child. "Bye bye, Matty."

When you cut off the call you have your head burning up from the amount of information you're processing right now, and then you go back to the first point you noticed today, the initial cause you owe to being able to go with Matty to the awards has stopped crossing your mind the moment this whole plan happened. It's also when you realize how self-destructive it is to have portal notifications on your computer just to keep abreast of public opinion about you.

You shouldn't let it get to you so much, but it actually does. Sam and her, the girl the rumors of your infidelity fed on and then confirmed, holding hands in front of the last bar you and he went to as a couple, two days before the breakup. His hands on his waist, he looks happier than he ever was with you. Smile more, he has a genuine expression in it. She's cute and it hurts you because you thought you were her ideal type and she, ironically, is completely different from you.

Your breath is cut short and you force yourself not to blink so fast and control the splash in your eyes. Yeah, maybe it's been a few months, but you're back in front of that studio and you're back in front of the words that stuck like a dagger in you when he said he didn't really love you and you just bored him. That feeling makes you get carried away and after weeks of holding back you get carried away and you just cry liberating yourself. At some point you let go of a drowned cry when you think about how you imagined a life full of it or at least imagined it would last more than a few months.

In the epitome of your catharsis you stretch between the guitar and the notebook and reveal that not letting yourself feel in its totality is what has not allowed you to put words in a line. And that is now broken from the moment your fingers prick the guitar in a melancholy and sad way, your thoughts fly and stay on the page when you denote the betrayal in your story, the lie and the reality of the facts. As your facet of strength and pretending smile and well-being collapse and leave you reduced to your tear-filled role, your knees on your head and the floor next to the gray armchair.

Maybe one of the best songs of your career. How you died waiting for a sign that never came even if they had sworn you everlasting love. Like you would actually have given up everything to keep it.

Suddenly you calm down just as quickly as you have acquired the previous state, when you manage to breathe properly thinking that Matty said he would be there and accompany you in front of Sam. That he has used the word protect gushes warmth within you, and you know that you can rejoice in the feeling of affection that he inevitably gives you. Therein lies the essence and effect Matty has on you and how important his friendship is to every aspect of your life. He's been there in every stage of your life and he's never stopped accompanying you even when he wasn't at his best.

Then you relax thinking about how lucky you are to be able to take him to those awards regardless of the terms agreed between the two and what the media put on. At the end of the day you'll be going to the awards that you and him have been talked about for thousands of nights being the best choice of both because understanding was never faked and that chemistry is always instantaneous.

When you realize you're tapping the guitar without a predetermined note, it's glimpsed between scratches of melancholy and a pink bubble. But now you're back to your usual thoughts and now you can't stop thinking about Matty dressed in a suit (and looking awesome, by the way) with him basically matching you in his tie.

--

Since you open your eyes on Friday, the day becomes chaos. Dress test, hair test and make-up test. The walk in heels, the review of the speech. Thinking about what to say about the breakup, that your figure remains dazzling no matter if the person able to disarm you is the one standing next to you. Both for your ex-partner and your date. Then they'll come and tell you about your nomination and how some song will be better than yours. The vicious circle of being an artist.

You wish it was a quick day, but it becomes extremely heavy. You hardly have time to stop for a drink of water and when you realize you are already changed for the event.

You look in the mirror with your stylist and then he starts to take shots while he changes between different angles to have the best pictures. Your hair is semi collected in a braid from behind and only a few waves break off on the wind but it gives the feeling that you have a princess collection and is not in danger of collapse.

Your dress gets all the attention, you look taken off the cover of a magazine. The red satin falls on you adjusting your curves and marking your figure in a rather attractive way to see, the cut on the leg does not take out the dainty of the dress. Your neckline falls on a beak held by a very thin thick straps that connect the dress with the neckline at the back, leaving your back open only with a few straps crossing to your low back.

You're perfect but you can't help but want to bite your nails because you feel there's something still missing even though you're being manic checking your makeup all the time. And if it wasn't because you don't have a second for your stylist to talk to you about important things, you'd have tried to touch up your makeup many more times.

When you get in the limo, you breathe until you calm down, and then you have a millisecond to talk to Matty.

see you, x

hey

we're coming for you soon

You turn off the phone and leave it on the seat when you feel your manager's gaze pointing at you.

"Where's Matty?" You ask after a while starting to listen to your senses that tells you something is wrong. They should have passed Matty's house a few miles ago, and your heart speeds up when you know you are entering the freeway.

Your phone vibrates and lets you see the Brit's messages making you form a thick grimace between your lips. Your brow automatically frowns and you feel your makeup heavy as you read each word carefully and feel like someone is playing a heavy joke on you.

only a thing

if you promise someone a date you have to keep it or at least warn that it's a fucking joke

Your vision becomes blurry for a few moments and you feel your world just stop in front of a polarized window and the body of the seat. You don't want to believe that what your head is thinking is actually what's going on, you can't just go overboard like that. The chances were very slim.

And then, come the words that confirm how you dug your own grave without it being your fault. You feel like someone's slapping you right where it hurts the most.

"Oh yes, about that. Matty isn't a good look for you, so we just got you someone else. You'll thank me later."

actually i think it sucks but will be rewarded in the next part? anyway let me know what you think <333

[themultifandomgal]

Matt- Meeting Him

My first day as the new trauma surgeon and I'm already late. What a great first impression. I slide into the drivers seat of my car, placing my bag on the front seat I put on my seatbelt and pull off my driveway.

It's winter and so cold in Chicago that I go go turn the heating on, that's when I realise a car is heading straight towards me. Am I on the wrong side of the road? No. It's them. Swerving so I don't have a head on collision I end up rolling down a bank hitting a tree then I black out.

My head is pounding when I come to... not a good sign. I reach up to touch my head and see blood... great I've cut my head open and probably have a concussion. I go to open the car but the door won't budge. I lean over to try the other but I can't reach, my belt is in the way. I try to unbuckle my seat belt but it's stuck. My phone is on the floor where I can't reach. I'm stuck. All I can do is hope that help is on its way and soon, because I'm pretty sure I can smell gas now.

Thankfully I'm not waiting long when I hear sirens so I do the only thing I can think of to get their attention and that's honk my horn. I then see some men in fireman gear stood at the top of the bank. I can relax. I manage to roll down my window when one of the men arrive

"My seatbelt is stuck. I can't open the door" I tell the man

"Ok we're going to get you out of here. Capp get the spreaders. Can you tell me your name?"

"YN YLN. Today was meant to be my first day as the new trauma surgeon at Med"

"Well you sure are going to make one hell of a entrance YN" the fireman jokes with me

"I think I can smell gas"

"Ok. Hang in there. Capp the spreaders now!" He yells and a guy who I'm guessing is called Capp runs down the bank "let's get you out of here"

"What's your name?" I ask

"Severide. Kelly Severide"

That was 2 weeks ago. Im now back at work and feeling a lot better than I did that day so I've baked the firehouse cookies on my day off

"Hey can I help you?"

"Oh errm hi. Is Kelly here? I wanted to drop these off for him and the guys who helped me a few weeks ago"

"Yeah come with me" I follow the man to see Kelly sat at a table with Capp and Cruze who helped me

"Special delivery"

"I just wanted to say thank you for helping me. These are for you guys" I give Kelly the box of biscuits

"You didn't have to"

"Yeah I did. Anyway I best go. I have an appointment to go to"

"You got another car?"

"No" I say quickly "No I'm well it's kinda embarrassing really but..."

"I get it. Want a lift?"

"Oh no I couldn't..."

"It's ok. I'll take her. Gotta go fill up the truck" the man beside me say

"Well there you go. Don't be a stranger YN"

"I won't. Thank you again"

"If I'm giving you a lift I guess you best know who I am. Matt Casey, Lieutenant"

"It's good to meet you Matt. I'm YN. Trauma surgeon"

"Ahhh your YN. Severide was on about you when squad went out that day" Matt helps me into the truck. I take in a deep breath when he closes it the door. I'm ok, everything's ok. I tell myself. Matt opens the door his side and gets in

"You ok? You look pale"

"Yeah. Just since the accident I've struggled with cars and moving vehicles"

"You'll be ok in here. Don't worry" I give Matt a small smile, his presence seams to calm me for some reason

"So where shall I drop you off?"

"At Med"

"Is everything ok?"

"Oh errm yeah. It's with Dr Charles about the errrr the anxiety with driving"

"I see. Well if you ever need a lift anywhere you can call me"

"I don't have your number"

"Yet" Matt gives me a wide smile which makes me laugh

"Isn't it frowned upon to flirt with the people you save?"

"I didn't save you. Severide did"

"Fair enough"

Before I know it I'm outside of Med

"Here" Matt grabs a piece of paper and pen and scribbles something onto it "my number. Phone me if you want picking up"

"Thank you. Seriously thank you" I take his number making a mental note to add it into my phone later. I leave the truck and wave him goodbye before heading into Med for my appointment.

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

sh🌟p update is LIVE hello

welcome a couple new additions, i have these new rainbow acrylic magolor charms which i'm super happy with, and pin badges/buttons, with preexisting art from my other charms on them, as a sort of cheaper alternative for people. i also got a restock of my existing meta knight charms, which i ran out of last week, if anyone was looking forward to that. as usual i would appreciate if people checked it out if interested!

🌟 https://www.etsy.com/shop/DeafeningGardePanda 🌟

other notable shop updates, under the cut:

the b-grades listing is no more. b and c grades have now been absorbed into their respective listings. apparently most people don't look around at a shop's other listings when buying, so people kept missing that there were b-grades in the first place. hopefully this will lead to them getting sold now. unfortunately this has the side effect of making everything look way cheaper than it is, however, because et//sy will have the cheapest option on your listing appear as the default price before you click on the listing. no sorry i regret to inform you the morpho/galacta charms are Not $2 each lmao

speaking of b-grades, i went and took new pics of all of them. if anyone was on the fence about them before because i didn't provide enough pictures, lo and behold b-grade pictures galore. this meta knight restock i received ended up having my highest defect rate ever (which sucks, but it happens) so i have a lot of them to get rid of. again, if anyone doesn't mind a few dents or white marks and loves a couple bucks off their order, please take a look!

some eagle eyed folks might notice there's a design in the pins that isn't one of my preexisting charms. crowned magolor is a different thing that is in production (or just finished production a few days ago, actually), though it'll be probably a good 2-3 months before it goes up in the shop for reasons anyways. that one will be its own full charm too eventually

anddd last thing. anyone who orders might get a freebie test pin in their order. it's not a promotion or anything i just have a ton of these things i practiced with that i can't sell. the only issues with them are they were scaled too big or theyre Very off centered. enjoy if you receive one

[starboybutler]

Poor Boy ( CH. 1 )

summary: Jess Wade finds an injured boy on his property one day.

word count: 3060

warnings: violence, kidnapping, anxiety

notes: decided to start posting my multichapter clint/jess fic to tumblr and not just on a03! i hardly post over here so this should be a treat for my three followers here (also bc i wanna use these cute cowboy dividers i found). i'm already three chapters deep into this story, and currently working on the fourth- so i'll upload the rest of the chapters sometime this week to space em out a lil. in the meantime, please enjoy chapter one!

chapter 1 (you are here)

chapter 2

chapter 3 (coming soon)

jess wade was fifteen years old when he first saw his name on a wanted poster.

his mom was devastated beyond belief. she nocouldn't even begin to think that her little boy was running around with a group of troublemakers, looting and vandalizing and stealing- but that wanted poster stuck out in their small town like a sore thumb.

the people were outraged that a delinquent was in their town, ruining their reputation and committing petty crimes like it was a fun after school hobby. they never liked jess much, even before they knew he was stealing, honestly. he always heard the town gossiping to his momma about how she should take him to a doctor because 'something wasn't right’ with him.

jess never paid them any mind, all he needed was his momma.

but when that wanted poster showed up, he lost her too. she yelled at him, which she had never done before- and jess felt his heart shatter into pieces.

that's the last time he remembers crying.

the town shooed him out, with nothing but the clothes on his back and a horse to get around. at least they were nice enough for that.

but he wasn't completely alone, even then. he still had vince, who he'd committed the petty crimes with. vince didn't have his mom or dad either. he ran away a long while ago, and began his side gig of stealing from small towns wherever he could find them. when he found jess’s town, he saw jess sitting on the porch and scrubbing away at his only good pair of shoes, trying to get the dirt out of them.

vince approached him and said he needed help getting something back. said a kid in this town stole his money and he wouldn't give it up, so he had to go take it by force.

he chose jess because he was mean looking- tough. he was an outsider, even in his small hometown, and that was just fine with him.

jess knew he was stealing, but he went along with it anyway. to this day, he doesn't know what possessed him to join that lanky ginger kid.

eventually he cut vince off, but that damn vince hackett still knows how to get under jess’s skin like a goddamn bug.

after the messiness of getting out of the bond he had with vince, jess decided that he was better off alone. he didn't need anyone. all he needed was his horse- and even then he could replace that. he just needed to stay on the outskirts of any town, far away from anyone and anything.

jess hummed to himself quietly as he poured grain into his horse’s feeder, gently petting his nose as he leaned down to eat. his horse truly was the only thing he cared about anymore.

jess set down the grain and wiped at his forehead, exhaling as he turned on his heel towards the exit of the barn. just as he stepped into the sun, the familiar sound of a gunshot echoed loudly in his ears.

he'd heard gunshots more times than he could count. he would hear them at any time of day, but for them to be this close to his cabin was unusual. had vince found him again?

jess reached for the gun on his hip, placing his hand on it as he stalked out of the stables and into the hot sun, observing his surroundings carefully. nothing looked out of place. no suspicious figures on the horizon, no horses, no nothing. just the land, like it always is.

jess moved his hand away from his gun and hummed lowly, rolling his shoulders back. wherever it came from, it wasn't his problem. nothing ever was anymore.

he began to walk towards his cabin, but something in his gut told him to turn around. he glanced behind his shoulder, and saw an unusual lump on the ground a little ways in the distance.

a person.

jess spun around and quickly made his way over to the body, standing over it and staring at it, dumbfounded.

it was a boy.

he looked to be a teen, maybe eighteen or nineteen maybe. his hair was blonde, but dirty and matted with dried blood and dirt, and his skin was pale. save for the fading flush on his cheeks from the blistering heat. his clothes were ripped and stained, and jess could faintly see scratch marks and ripping on his clothes from a struggle. jess knelt down and gently pressed his fingers on the boy’s neck, feeling for a pulse.

it was there, but it was awfully faint. jess furrowed his brow in thought, looking over the boy once more.

he was in bad shape. there was a chance that even if jess took him to get help, he’d die before he could even begin to recover. on the other hand, it never hurt to try, just a little. it never hurt to have a little hope.

without a second thought, jess gently took the blonde boy into his arms bridal style, trying not to jostle his head too much as he headed towards his secluded cabin. he had some supplies laying around in his room for emergencies, maybe he could patch him up well enough for a few days or so.

jess kicked his door open and sat the unconscious boy on his shoddily made couch, jogging to get his supplies from under his bed. he set everything down on his coffee table and exhaled through his

nose, grabbing some gauze and pressing it to the wound on his head gently, sopping up any blood that was still dribbling out.

the boy twitched weakly, and jess cursed to himself as he swabbed up any blood. this wasn't going to be perfect, but jess wasn't a doctor- it didn't need to be perfect. this boy just needed to survive.

jess grabbed the bandages and wrapped the wound tightly, cutting it short with his teeth and tucking it under the others so it stayed in place. he began dabbing the other wounds and wrapping them in the same fashion, holding his breath as he prayed that this boy didn't die on his couch.

as jess wrapped up the last wound on his arm, he looked over the boy once more.

he was barely breathing, but he looked a little less pale. he was sweating bullets, shaking and twitching from the shock of whatever happened to him. his eyes were screwed shut, tears running down his cheek every once in a while.

jess sighed softly, reaching to the side of him and pulling a blanket over the boy as he twitched and trembled in his sleep. jess decided that trying to wake him up now wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. he’d probably scare the boy out of his mind and send him into shock again. the kid just needed to rest, they could talk when he woke up.

as for jess, he needed to freshen up after handling this boy’s beaten up body. his clothes were stained and dirtied now.

jess lifted his chin, gently dragging the razor across his neck carefully. he let his facial hair get a little out of hand lately.

the seasons were changing, so he didn't have to go into town as often as he used to. the heat was dying down ever so slightly- so his crops weren't dying as often. he could survive for a few months without having to go visit the sheriff for some goods. the sweets his wife made were good for storing up when he needed it, but the ride was draining.

he set the razor down and washed the remaining shaving cream off of his face, dabbing his face dry with an old towel as he sighed deeply. the boy had yet to move on the couch, but his breathing had evened out, and he had stopped shaking. he seemed to just be in a deep sleep now.

hopefully he woke up soon. jess had a lot of questions about his whole ordeal.

jess turned and placed his hat back on his head, freezing in his steps as he saw the boy sitting up on the couch. he looked dazed, his eyes fixed on his dirty hands and tattered clothes. the poor thing seemed like he was still in shock.

jess carefully took a step forward, and the blonde’s head snapped up towards him. his eyes were big and blue, glassy with unshed tears. jess held up a hand in front of him, setting his jaw.

“i know you're confused,” he starts slowly, his voice firm. “but i ain't the one that hurt ya.”

the blonde blinked, looking away from him and staring at his filthy hands once more. he seemed so out of it- almost like he wasn't even sure he was real or not. it was creepy.

“i shot him,” the boy spoke hoarsely, before breaking into a harsh coughing fit. the poor thing probably hasn't had a drink for god knows how long. jess rushed to the sink and filled a glass with water, pressing the cool glass into the blonde's trembling hands.

“drink something,” jess muttered, guiding the drink to his lips.

the boy obeyed almost mindlessly. when he got that first taste of water, he was gulping it down quickly like it was the last time he’d ever get to drink anything.

the boy exhaled loudly as he finished the water, reaching to messily wipe at his mouth, smearing dirt on his face. jess would have reached and wiped it off, but he didn't want to startle him even more. the boy’s hands were bandaged. were those bandages there when he found him?

“better?” jess asked, setting the glass to the side and raising an eyebrow.

the boy nodded ever so slightly. he sat and stared at the ground, before large tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his dirty cheeks, wetting his shirt. his body shook as he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, palming at them desperately to stop the tears.

jess had never been good at dealing with emotions. his own, or others. he found them to be too complicated, and he rid himself of any feelings long ago, when he was young. the people in his town called him heartless when he shed no tears at funerals, or when he didn't smile at the get-togethers. that's just who he was. life was easier that way- and no one understood but him.

“i dunno what i did wrong,” the boy started, his body trembling as he sat up, trying to compose himself. “i-i was jus’ doin’ chores for ma, in the fields, and then,”

his eyes darken, and he clutches at his head like he's in agony.

“th-they snatched me up- t-took me away an’...they tried to….and i shot ‘em.” the blonde hiccuped frantically, tugging at the matted hair on his head.

jess quickly grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from his head as gently as he could manage. the boy’s hands twitched in his grasp, and he weakly tried to pull away before he gave in, his body much too weak to put up any fight.

“don't be yankin’ and pullin’ at your head like that,” jess scolds softly, letting his wrist go. “you're gonna hurt yourself more. it's a miracle you're even alive.” he said bluntly.

the boy looked away, his eyes still dark as his hand balled into his pants, tears threatening to spill from his eyes again.

“why'd you save me?”

jess set his jaw. hell, he didn't even know why he saved this boy. a near-dead body was a common sight where he lived, in the middle of nowhere. it was common for people to dump and leave bodies for dead around here, and jess would ride and walk past them like they were nothing but another rock in the sand.

but when he saw this blonde boy on the verge of death, something gripped at his heart and he couldn't walk away from him. he didn't know what that feeling was when he saw him. maybe jess did it because he genuinely felt bad.

“i don't know.” jess admitted, adjusting his hat. “but i just knew i couldn't leave you to die out here. especially not on my property,”

the boy swallowed and just nodded, just looking absolutely defeated. it wasn't fair, someone so young having to go through something like this. jess knew that feeling.

he crouched next to the boy, finding his eyes under the bangs of his messy locks. “let's get you some clean clothes.”

“okay,”

jess wandered to his room and opened his drawer. he didn't have many clothes, as it was just him, and he didn't really go anywhere. he did still have some old clothes that didn't really fit him anymore, back when he was in his early twenties…but the boy obviously didn't want to get dressed in a whole get up right now.

he eventually settled on an oversized sleep dress he had laying around. it was a little faded, but other than that it didn't have any tears or holes in it.

he walked back into the living area and tossed the sleep dress onto the couch. the boy picked it up and observed it, before muttering out a small ‘thanks’.

“need help getting dressed?”

“no,” the boy said quickly, clutching the fabric to his chest. “get out.”

“alrighty,” jess hummed, confused by the sudden hostility. maybe he was just self conscious. jess could sympathize somewhat, he didn't like people seeing him shirtless much either. he was almost always wearing about three layers of clothes.

he shut his bedroom door behind him to let the boy get dressed, but not even a second later he heard a loud cry from the living area.

he opened the door and saw the boy clutching his side, his face screwed up in pain as he laid on his side, the sleep dress sprawled on the floor. jess slowly approached him, his hand held out.

“you sure you don't-”

“i’m fine, damn it.” the boy hissed, obviously embarrassed, sitting up slowly. “i just…ugh-”

“i’m not gonna do nothin’ to hurt you.” jess states firmly, looking the boy in the eyes. “i’ll help you get dressed, and then i’ll leave you alone if you want.”

the blonde stared at him, as if searching for an ounce of proof that he was lying, before muttering in agreement. “fine,”

jess gently grabbed the boy and sat him up with ease, slowly beginning to unbutton his tattered shirt. he slid it off of his arms and put it to the side, moving to undo the button of his pants.

the boy squirmed, and jess looked up at him. his face was pink, and he was looking off to the side as jess slid his pants off slowly, as to not hurt him. he suddenly reached down, swatting jess’s hands away and fumbling with his pants.

“i can do this part,” he mutters, kicking his pants off.

jess shrugs and grabs the sleep dress, rolling it up as he stands. “arms up, if you can.”

the blonde lifts his arms as much as he can, groaning as he feels the wound on his side shift. jess presses a hand to his shoulder to stop him, moving to slip the garment over his head and arms the best he can.

it was a bit of a struggle, but he eventually maneuvered it to get over his head.

while the boy wiggles into the sleep gown, jess’s eyes rake over his body curiously. he's covered in bruises, which wouldn't be concerning, considering the state he found him in, if they weren't old bruises. some of them were small, purple blotches, others were deep purple or even greenish-, mostly along his legs. his chest was untouched, pale and smooth. they were obviously caused by someone hitting him- but the question was who-. maybe they were caused by the struggle earlier, with whoever he supposedly shot. the gown dropped suddenly and jess looked up at the boy, who was droopy eyed.

“i…thanks.” he mutters, curling himself into a ball, pulling his knees to his chest, looking away. “i, uh…’m real sorry for everything. i’m just not right in the head right now,”

“i know,” jess says. “you've been through some stuff.” he mutters. “i won't make you talk about it until you're ready.”

“i appreciate that,” he mutters, his cheeks flushing slightly.

the kid was well mannered when he wasn't freaking out. jess appreciated that.

jess’s lip curled up slightly, and he tilted his head. “what's your name, kid?”

the boy set his jaw, fidgeting nervously as he answered quietly. “clinton. clinton reno.” he answers softly, his eyes darting up to jess. “you can call me clint,”

“clint,” jess says, standing and gestures to the kitchen. “hungry? i can whip something up.”

the boy- clint- shakes his head, grabbing the blanket tightly and laying back on his side with heavy eyes. “no, i’m…i'm really tired.”

“alright,” jess hums, adjusting his hat. “you get some rest. i’ll be here in the morning.”

clint nods and shuts his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately afterward. jess blows out the candle and heads towards his room, shutting the door quietly.

he sat on his bed, sighing heavily. this might be a lot more than he bargained for. if this reno boy had really shot someone, there wasn't no way the constable wasn't gonna come looking for him. he suspected he'd get a visit from sheriff ramsey soon, but he could lie to him easily enough. he hated to do it, but if he had to, he would.

he laid back and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes falling shut as his mind began to run. what was he going to to with this boy once he was healed up? that wouldn't be for a while. it was already come fall time, and he would probably be a wanted man in a few days, so it's not like he could send him off on his lonesome- but jess only had living space for one person.

jess fell asleep with an image of clint crying fresh on his mind.

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[postgamecontent]

Nintendo Switch Weekly Round-Up for the Week Ending October 26th, 2024

Hello gentle readers, and welcome to the Nintendo Switch Weekly Round-Up for the week ending October 26th, 2024. This week is absolutely bonkers, with the number of interesting releases on Thursday alone exceeding the limit for screenshots in a single post on this site. I had to choose to either cut a bunch of games or give them short summaries with no screens, and I've opted for the latter. Not much else I can do. Anyway, let's check out this week in the world of Switch!

Featured New Releases

Romancing SaGa 2: Revenge of the Seven ($49.99)

Square Enix's spiffy remake of Romancing SaGa 2 is here, and it seems to be a lot easier for a new player to get into than even the reissue from several years back. That said, this is still a SaGa game. If you're expecting something conventional, you're going to be disappointed. This one's for the people chasing a different flavor of RPG.

Sonic X Shadow Generations ($49.99)

One of the few 3D Sonic games that didn't get a good kicking back in the day returns with some new old stages featuring Sonic's Venom, Shadow. The word has been very good about this remake on other platforms, but SEGA not giving review codes for the Switch version is… somewhat concerning. Someone is going to jump on this, and I'd wait for that someone to report before buying on this platform if I were you.

Yakuza Kiwami ($19.99)

This one on the other hand I can fully vouch for. Yes, there are better looking and performing versions of this game, but this is a more than acceptable way to play Yakuza Kiwami on the go. It reminds me of the PlayStation 3 version. If you're new to the Yakuza series, you're in luck. This is a remake of the first game, so you don't need any prior story knowledge. And it's pretty awesome, even if it isn't necessarily the best game in the series. I reviewed it on the TouchArcade Patreon, so do check that out.

Ys X: Nordics ($59.99)

Urgh, too many good games aimed at my interests today. This is the latest Ys release, and this time around Falcom handled development of the Switch version itself. The result is a game that actually runs better than the previous games despite being technically more demanding. This is another great installment in the series, and one that seems to be going over better with people who didn't care for Ys IX.

The Smurfs - Dreams ($39.99)

I've had a startling revelation since receiving my review copy of The Smurfs - Dreams. The Smurfs platformers from Microids kind of rule. The first two have an exploratory Mario 3D platformer vibe, and this one here? It's like Mario 3D World. It's not quite as good, but it's more than good enough to recommend. The worst thing I can say about it is that it's a bit easy, but if you don't mind that then I can heartily recommend this. I reviewed this on the TouchArcade Patreon too, and here's that link.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms 8 Remake ($59.99)

Lots of remakes this week, eh? Here's Koei Tecmo's pitch for your gaming dollars, and it smells a lot like a giant strategy game that will eat dozens if not hundreds of hours of your time if you get into it. That's a big if, because this game is only slightly less difficult to sort out as a new player than the original game was. Lots of new elements here, and of course the presentation has been fully redone.

Shin chan: Shiro and the Coal Town ($39.99)

After the Kaz Ayabe-led Shin-chan game from a couple of years ago scored a decent hit, it was practically inevitable that a follow-up would arrive. This game follows a similar template to the previous one, following Shin-chan on a summer vacation-style adventure. There are interesting side-quests to tackle and one big, curious mystery to solve. Kaz Ayabe wasn't involved with this one and it shows to an extent, but I think this still merits checking out if you enjoyed the last one. Look for my review on TouchArcade's Patreon next week.

Card-en-Ciel ($24.99)

While it's true Inti Creates used to work on the Mega Man series, it did not work on the Mega Man Battle Network series. That isn't stopping the developer from taking its own swing on the concept, and you know what? That's cool. I don't mind seeing more games like that, in principle. In practice, this one feels more committed to the idea than in trying to be its own worthwhile game, and I think that's where it differs from the also homage-tastic Gunvolt. The story is not very interesting, and while the gameplay certainly feels similar to Battle Network, it all feels a little hollow. Not bad, but not up to the series it draws inspiration from.

Botworld Odyssey ($25.00)

Explore an open world, find and build new bots, and engage in tactical real-time battles as you try to become the very best, like no one ever was. If you like your creature collectors and don't mind if they come in metal, you'll want to give this one a closer look. It's a good time.

Slay the Princess - The Pristine Cut ($17.99)

An interesting one, this. You've been sent to kill a princess. If you fail, the world will be doomed. She is going to try to persuade you to spare her. She is a liar. Be very careful what you say and do, because if you give her the slightest chance things will go pear-shaped very quickly. This Pristine Cut adds a ton of new stuff to the game, to the point that if you've only played the regular edition I think it might be worth the double dip.

Wildermyth: Console Edition ($24.99)

This is a story-driven tactical turn-based RPG, and it's very good. It aims to evoke a tabletop RPG theme, and despite using procedurally-generated bits and bobs, it manages to make you care about all of it. It's quite beloved on other platforms and I'm very sure Switch owners are going to take to it just as well. The battle system isn't anything fancy, but it doesn't have to be to get this game where it's going. Highly recommended.

Care Bears: To The Rescue ($14.99)

Who's that coming from somewhere up in the sky? Moving fast and bright as a firefly? Right, that's the old cartoon. This one is based on the new one. Well, the important thing is that this is a Care Bears platformer for up to four players simultaneously. You have to collect Caring Energy to power up your Zorlon Cannon and destroy the Quotile. Wait, no. That's Yars' Revenge. You need to fill up your Heart Cannons and destroy the Bad Seed in this one. All you have to defend yourself with is your kindness, and a belly-beam you can use to blast your enemies with caring. I'm going to review this one, and that should be fun.

Potionomics: Masterwork Edition ($29.99)

This game has done its tour on other platforms, where it has earned plenty of acclaim from critics and players. It's a shop simulation game where you're making and selling potions to try to dig yourself out of debt and eventually make some money. There is a lot going on in this game, so don't come into it with too much of a relaxed attitude. Indeed, it's almost a little stressful. Is that good or bad? It depends on your expectations, I suppose. This game scratches a particular itch, though it isn't the one you might think at first glance.

Hatch Tales: A Heroic Hookshot Adventure ($19.99)

Holy smokes, it finally came out. Way back when the Switch was new, Atooi released a charming little platformer on the 3DS called Chicken Wiggle. It starred a cute little chicken who used a worm to grapple around the levels. Atooi wanted to bring it to the Switch, and did a Kickstarter to get the necessary funds. Around a half-decade later, here we are. To be fair, this is so different from Chicken Wiggle that it comes off as a new game entirely. A better game? Hm. I'll need to spend more time with it to say for sure.

Rogue Flight ($19.99)

If you've been waiting around for a new Star Fox game, I'm sorry to say that Nintendo probably isn't going to be cooking up one for a while. But you know what? Rogue Flight scratches that itch. It's a very, very good arcade-style behind-the-ship shooter that pays heavy homage to classic Japanese anime. While this Switch version isn't as pretty as some of the other ones, it carries itself very well. A solid pick-up if you like this kind of thing.

Fear the Spotlight ($19.99)

It's that Halloween season, and if there's ever a time where the scary games shine, it's now. Fear the Spotlight is a survival-horror game that throws back to the PlayStation 1, which is the style of our time. Solve puzzles! Look around! Watch out for the bad things! Not what I'm into, but those who do enjoy these seem to be warm on this.

Arcade Archives Metamorphic Force ($7.99)

Oh wow, I've been waiting a long time for this to pop up. This is Konami's excellent 1993 belt-scrolling beat 'em up. It has terrific visuals and is about as advanced as a Konami arcade brawler got. Up to four can play, locally of course. If you like this genre, this is definitely worth adding to your collection.

The Rocky Horror Show Video Game ($9.99)

We've got a whole thing going on lately with old properties being shoehorned into a 2d platforming framework, it seems. This one comes from FreakZone Games, who you might remember from the Angry Video Game Nerd games or Manos: The Hands of Fate. Set your expectations appropriately. At the very least, you get some spiffy chiptune versions of the tunes from the musical. I have to believe there are better ways to serve this property, but I won't begrudge FreakZone for doing what it knows how to do.

SINce Memories: Off The Starry Sky ($39.99)

Set ten years after the events of the original Memories Off visual novel series, this spin-off features a new cast of characters and more or less stands alone. Junya Mizumoto is grieving his late brother, who died in an accident one year earlier. He meets a mysterious girl who says that she should have been the one to die. She quickly disappears, leaving Mizumoto to try to figure out what she's on about. But he has a job to do, renovating a traditional Japanese house with his childhood friend, and I'm sure these two plot points won't dovetail at all. No sir. This is the first game in the series with an official localization, and I wish I could say it lives up to the quality of its predecessors, but it fell a little flat for me. Maybe you'll like it more.

The World of Kungfu: Dragon and Eagle ($17.99)

A Wuxia RPG? Sure, why not. That sounds cool. This is a fairly traditional RPG in structure, so expect lots of exploring, town visits, and turn-based battles. But you get to use kung fu, and that makes it all a little cooler. The battles here are similar to a tactical RPG in some ways, so that's interesting. Reviews over on Steam are all over the place, but it does appear to have its fans.

Stilt Fella ($12.99)

A silly physics-based game where you're walking on stilts through more than fifty levels. You know, one of those games where walking properly is the challenge. These can be fun if you're in the right mood, and this is a pretty well-done take on the concept.

The Jackbox Survey Scramble ($9.99)

The latest Jackbox game, this time focusing on a Family Feud-esque challenge of trying to guess the most popular survey results for various questions. Things like cat names, what is bad to touch, dating red flags, and so on. You'll naturally want to play this with others, and as usual each player will need their own mobile device to play with.

Stickin' the Landing ($7.99)

This is a cute little puzzler where you have to place stickers to guide a rocket to its goal. The stickers will have some gravitational pull, you see. Stick them just right and the rocket will be able to get where it needs to go. I like it.

Voidwrought ($19.99)

A Metroidvania-style game that deals with cosmic horror. Yes, this is going to draw on a lot of elements from that game, and no, it doesn't do things as well as that game. Lots of spongy enemies, and there's a certain weight to the character that takes getting used to. Not bad, and I would say that its running time of under ten hours makes it appealing to me in a world of Metroidvania games that take twenty-plus hours to complete.

Soul Stalker ($7.49)

Here's another Vampire Survivors-style game, this one with a visual style that uses flat characters. It's fine as these sorts of things go. I've played worse, I've played better, and I'm probably going to recommend saving your money for the Vampire Survivors Castlevania DLC next week. Yes, that's what I'm going to do.

Kingsgrave ($9.99)

This action-adventure game sees you as a king who is trying to restore his ruined kingdom after being awoken from a long slumber. It has a Metroid-ish lock-and-key design, where you'll earn new abilities that will give you access to areas you couldn't reach before. You earn these new abilities by freeing your subjects and helping them out with their requests, which typically involve gathering materials. The combat's clunky and it's bit grindy for its own good, but there's something here worth poking at.

Cute Bite ($14.99)

Essentially what we have here is Princess Maker: Vampire Edition. You're in charge of raising a vampire girl into a fine vampire adult. What vampire future waits for her? Vampire celebrity? Vampire superhero? Vampire overlord? You'll plan her schedule and manage her skills to try to lead her to whatever outcome you think is best. That outcome may or may not involve punching bears.

dotAGE ($17.59)

That's an amusing pun with the title. It's a roguelite but the reason each run is different is that it's a story being told by an old fellow whose memory isn't so hot. He remembers more details over time, unlocking more things. It's a city builder sort of thing, with an emphasis on worker placement. You'll also have to deal with various calamities that come your way due to the impending apocalypse. Well, these things happen.

While We Wait Here ($4.99)

It's the end of the world, and you're working at a diner in a mountainside town. With nothing to do but wait for the end, how will you spend the final hours? Serve the customers and try to maintain normality? Try to encourage people to take shelter? This is a really neat concept for a game. I haven't had a chance to try it yet, but I'm definitely going to.

MiniGhost ($3.99)

An affordable little Metroidvania-style game that is trying to evoke the look and feel of an MSX game. I'll leave it up to the reader to decide how successfully it does that. There are one hundred rooms to explore, four bosses to battle, and twenty-four collectable items. It's quite brief and is upfront about only taking a couple of hours to complete. It's a prequel to Ghost 1.0, so if you liked that game then you'll definitely want to check this out.

OnePunch ($4.99)

This looks like one of those simple mobile games you'd pick up and play for a weekend, delete on Monday, and never think about again. Two buttons here, so it's as simple as can be. Just land those single punches on the sandbags, and it might be okay. Lots of unlockable skins that you'll need to grind for ages to unlock. You'll almost certainly be bored before getting them all.

Orange Season ($29.99)

You want another game like Stardew Valley or Story of Seasons, here's another game like that. It has a few twists, but nothing too dramatic. Still, for a game from a rather small developer, it has most of its t's crossed and i's dotted.

The Bridge Curse 2: The Extrication ($24.99)

Another spooky port to the Switch, one that got decent reviews elsewhere and will likely earn the same here. As with its predecessor, this is based on a popular movie and tells some proper scary Taiwanese ghost stories. Solve puzzles, gather clues, and try not to die.

Crash Puzzle Hammer-San ($9.99)

This is an action-puzzle game with three hundred stages and an editor so you can make and share your own. You play as a character with a hammer, and you'll use that hammer to do what needs to be done in order to reach the goal. A demo is available, so you can give it a try if you're interested.

EGGCONSOLE Murder Club PC-8801 ($6.49)

Really not much to say here. This is an adventure game, and like other EGGCONSOLE releases, it's being put out in its original form. That means all Japanese text in this case, and in this genre that means you might as well not bother unless you can read the language. Oh well.

Pixel Game Maker Series Chrotopia ($5.99)

This game presents a world of black and white, where the main character is searching for their missing sister. You get some adventure-style scenes where you're going around the town talking to people, and some action scenes that are a little on the clunky side. I didn't get much out of it, personally.

The Cheese Chase: Pizza Madness ($14.99)

This is a game about trying to deliver pizzas while hungry folk try to swipe them from you. It doesn't look very fancy at all, but the concept might be silly enough for some people to want to give it a try.

That's all for this week, friends. We'll be back next Saturday with another Round-Up as we finish up October and step into November. It's going to be a big month, especially if you like RPGs. And who doesn't? As ever, I will plug both my Patreon (where you can find lots of cool exclusive articles) and my Ko-Fi (tips help me run this blog). There, plugged. I hope you have a super Saturday, and as always, thanks for reading!

[deltastra]

My Thoughts on Tower of God Season 2 Episode 1

Hey guys, I hope to make this a regular thing every week! Before I begin, I want to state that I watched episode 1 and 2 when it first aired, but I didn't have the time to write anything about those episodes. Now I do! At the time of writing this, I have not watched episode 3. Anyway! Let's go!

WEBTOON SPOILERS WAS TEASED BUT NOT OUTRIGHT STATED

Rating: 9/10

Summary: A solid premiere that showcases what this new season will offer with the change in studio and artstyle! Some scenes felt a bit off but it wasn't too much of a bother!

I like the short recap at the beginning of the episode! It lets us adjust to the new artstyle and direction the show is going while also giving us a bit of a refresher as it has been 4 years!

This scene is interesting because first, AWWW ENDORSI NOOOOO SHES CRYING, and two, does this mean that they will add in the Bam and Endorsi scenes that were skipped? I sure hope they do their best to add in key scenes for characters that were changed or skipped in season 1!

OH MY GOD SHE SAID IT SHE SAID THE THING GUYS OMGGGGGGGGG

Why did Yuri's VA change? It will take some time for me to get used to it, but it's alright.

I like her look, they made sure to design her as closely to the webtoon as they could.

KEVIN PENKIN YOU'RE COOKING SO DAMN HARD WITH THIS SOUNDTRACK. THIS SCENE FELT LIKE MADE IN ABYSS FOR A SECOND WITH THAT MUSIC. LOL

If y'all are curious, I already gave my thoughts on the new OP here.

Loving the voice acting for him!

Maybe it's just for Wagnan, but I love the expressions!

I'm not ready.........

I love how the inspirational music playing as Wagnan steels his resolve gets cut out with a loud chanting ost when Viole comes into frame.

Love the details on his eyes. He looks tired. First glimpse of Bam as Viole!

The start of a beautiful friendship!

Yup. this scene was funny years ago, and it's still funny now.

HORYANG HAHSHAHAHAHAHAH

THE TEAM DAD IS HEREEEEE

i liked the music here! And love this scene because it shows how nice Wagnan is despite his strong personality.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO LETS GOOOOOO

AND HERE IT IS. THE ROUGHLY 10 SECONDS OF FIGHTING THAT WAS SHOWN CONSTANTLY IN TRAILERS!

Jokes aside, it was VERY well done. I smiled like an idiot watching it and even replayed it many times.

I am unsure if it was done by a solo animator, but I hope they save their resources for this type of animation during very important fights.

Season 1 had very animated fight scenes too but they all felt slow to me. This? I love, the dynamic camera really adds to the action. Music is great too! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its better than other popular shows' fight scenes with sakuga animation. I'm just saying that if they maintain this current standard, I will be satisfied!

I do wish it was slightly longer and I am worried that this episode may be the only one with good animation for its fight scenes due to how much it was being used for promotion. However, I will keep my fingers crossed that they are cooking for THAT important fight later in this cour.

OH THE SHINSU LOOKS BEAUTIFUL HERE

NAHHH VIOLE WAS TRYNNA CATCH A BODY HERE. HE WASN'T JUST GONNA "FAIL" WAGNAN LMAO

Istg guys this ability only appeared like once and never again. Maybe I just don't remember. Anyway, close enough. WELCOME BACK TOKYO GHOUL!

NAH WAGNAN SAW THE REAPER IN THAT SPLIT SECOND. VIOLE WAS DEADASS TRYNNA WIPE THIS GUY OUT OF THE TOWER COMPLETELY LOL.

:(

I LOVED the ending to this episode. Viole's flashbacks, and him standing in that elevator with the music playing. It gives you so much regarding Viole's feelings about his life and his surroundings at that moment. And the way the music distorts at the end adds to the tragedy of Viole in my opinion!

I LOVE THIS ED SO MUCH GUYS. THEY DID IT IN WEBTOON SCROLLING FORMAT!!! THEY EVEN ADDED SIU'S WAY OF CREDITING HIMSELF EVERY CHAPTER (He removed the TUS after coming back from hiatus tho oh no)

To me, this ED not only pays respect to the source material and how many of us read Tower of God. But also a way, in my opinion, of telling the audience that "Yes, we know about the source material, and we will follow it this time." And I like that it will show more every episode. (Also covering up all the events with Jahad's symbol like its "blocking memories" is kind of funny. I doubt the studio did it with that in mind but its still a neat coincidence)

Overall, a fantastic premiere to the new season! If they maintain this quality, we are in for a treat!

[mario8th]

All Hail Our New Short King

Hunter X Hunter Chimera Ant Arc Episodes 89-92

Wholly Cow. Jeezus Christ. My Goodness Gracious. Heck, Man.

Ants. ANTS!

This batch started out a bit slow. I do think, pacing wise, 89 should've been included in the previous batch. But Does It Even Matter? I audibly said "No" when I realized I was at the end of 92. Because the ride I was just on was EXHILARATINGGGGGG

I'm sitting here, Amazed, at what this show just did. What this show is SEtting Up! How did 3 (technically 4) episodes have That Much Payoff! And still set up the next, I dunno 40 or so, episodes SO WELL?

Yeah, the fights were neat. It's fun to get characterization from Knuckle and Shoot(?) (doesn't matter if I remember their names they will Not be alive after the next batch), and bringing their neat Nen tricks was fun enough.

I should add, I'm pretty sure that at some point a few years ago, one Austin Walker posted on twitter part of the final Knuckle fight? I think? I've gone into this series almost completely blind, but I did watch at least part of that.

Okay I found it https://x.com/austin_walker/status/1554557950554939392 And it is so much funnier now that I've got context. I definitely watched this, but at the very least I didn't remember what Knuckle even looked like by the time I started watching. So. I guess take this year+ long experiment with a grain of salt knowing that I watched that over 2 years ago.

Anyway the reveal of who won was really good too, although we've yet to see how discount Sadako will respond.

ANYWAY ANTS. I cheered when we finally cut back to the Ants because I am adoring what they're doing with this part of the story. I am gripped in a way no other part of the series has managed thus far. Interesting to hear that some people dropped off during the Ants, because truly this is the show at its best for me.

It is amazing to see how the politics have shifted with the arrival of our new Short King. He is Amazing. I hate him! I cannot wait to see what happens! Like, it is amazing that, at the top of 89 we all agreed the Queen should die. But by the end of 92 we're sad that she did! And now the ants are spreading like…. ants…

I love Gon and [bubble gum girl]'s foolish belief that Kite is still around (in the way they remember). And she definitely signed her (and probably the other two in the driver's seat's) death warrants by giving her sad backstory. Why'd you ask her that Killua? Probably that fast one, huh!

My God This Show. I can't wait to see what Short King does. I cannot wait to see what Colt and That Wild Thing That Happened gets up to. I cannot wait to see this next Knuckle Shoot fight. Who is Netero going after? How will Killua protect Gon? Will he really leave!? I want all these answers! I want them soon! I'll get them in about 2 weeks! Or at least some of them! aaaah!

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[suddence]

08.15.2023 - Part 5!

Using the cooler banner because EXCITING NEWS! I FINISHED THE DRAFT!!!!!!!

As a reminder, I've been working on the third draft, or the polish pass, of Suddence since August 1st. (Yes, that's THIS August 1st. A simple two (2) weeks ago.) Huzzah????

The final word count comes in at 60567! That's about 10k more than the previous draft, which was 49054.

Guys. I have never finished a writing project to this degree before. My main wip, APHELION, which I've been working on for over five years, has never reached this level of completion. And by "this level of completion" I mean "if this accidentally got published now, I wouldn't mind."

I'm sweating as I type this! I mean, it's hot af in my room, but like! I finished a story! It's done! I did it!

I'll put a retrospective in another post, just to keep this one shorter.

The main struggle I had with Part 5 was I needed to figure out what my goal was. For a long time I was insistent on Zahira giving some big, inspiring speech, but I realized that was simply not going to work. I just needed this scene to be hopeful. I needed it to feel natural. I needed it to have closure. I definitely didn't need a scene where I force feed the readers the message of the story. I want readers to FEEL the message. The characters' intentions may not be 100% clear sometimes, but that messiness is part of what makes the scene more natural. At least, I hope it does. That's what beta readers will help with.

Another thing was the pacing, and I realized part of it was that I was missing a scene where some core mysteries finally get explained. But I didn't want to do it in a boring, infodumpy dialogue way, so diary entry it was! Honestly, diary entries are simply so much more fun to write.

Anyway, that's enough of that! I'll be putting together stuff about critiques later. For now, here is an excerpt :^) I don't want to spoil too much, so this is Dany and Zahira's first meeting.

Transcript under the cut!

“Hi,” I say.

The woman looks up. Her eye makeup is a little smudged. From crying, I guess. She looks left and right as if my parents might be around.

I clear my throat and put on my best smile. “You’re heading east, right?”

She scowls. “What?”

“Can you drive me to Ornament County?”

She looks around again. I want to tell her that doing that won’t make my parents suddenly appear because they died when I was a baby, but that would ruin the story I worked up.

“My family and I,” I say. “We were on a roadtrip. We got separated. I know how to get home, but I just need someone to drive me there.”

She looks around. Again.

Finally, she says, “I think that’s something you should tell the police.”

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me