#so allergies never came up
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jankwritten · 11 months ago
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Jasico Bingo Challenge: Comfort Food
Jason has just managed to slump onto the bench at table one for lunch when, seemingly from thin air, a brownie materializes before him. 
He stares down at it. It is smooth along the top, ribboned with cracks like all the best brownies he’s ever had in his life. 
He imagines this is how Tantalus feels. To be so close to something he wants so bad, knowing that he won’t be able to reach it, not really. That he can try all he wants, but surely wherever the brownie appeared from, it will just as fast disappear if he reaches for it. 
Jason, unfortunately, has a lifetime’s worth of training in not reaching for it. 
Moving over so the temptation isn’t directly before him, Jason pulls forward his empty plate and, with a pitiful sigh, summons the lunch he’s eaten every day since he turned ten. 
The brownie follows him. 
Jason tries not to notice, because, frankly, admitting he’s being haunted by a pastry is a step too far, even for his standards. He does not notice when a brownie shows up on his nightstand after he’s had a hard time breathing in a normal pattern. (It’s not a panic attack.) He does not notice when a brownie appears beside the ambrosia one of the Apollo kids tried to give him. (He doesn’t need it, he’s fine.) He looks the other way when a brownie shows up on the napkin he’s handed for s’mores at the campfire. (He can’t eat the s’mores either.) 
He can handle it. He can handle the constant, demanding temptation. He will not succumb to it, gods dammit, he’s stronger than whatever fucked up test the fates are throwing at him. If this is one of his Herculean tasks, so be it. Jason will endure. 
Nico throws himself to the ground at Jason’s side. Peleus, around the other side of Thalia’s Pine, snorts. 
Jason simply shuts his book and directs his attention to the dramatic lump of Hades spawn at his hip. “Yes?” 
“You keep disappearing,” Nico mutters. “I’m exhausted.” 
Something warm and fluttery beats into Jason’s chest. “You were looking for me?” 
Nico lifts his head up just enough to give Jason a flat, dead look. Then, he flops back over. 
Jason tries not to be too pleased. Nico was looking for him, which means Nico was actively seeking him out, and by his lack of urgency, it doesn’t seem like it was for anything more than hanging out. They’re friends now, or to the point where Nico will admit they’re friends, but Jason is still getting used to Nico showing up around him to just…be around him. Sure, with the others it makes sense - Percy loves getting attention from his friends, and Piper and Leo demand his attention so they can all three silently sit together in a room doing their own thing. Nico is more distant, to put a name on it. He’s fiercely loyal and everything, Jason knows Nico’s always got his back, but he’s not really the kind of guy who likes to hang out. 
When he does, though, of his own volition? It feels pretty damn nice. 
Which is why Jason feels so awful when he looks down to his book on his plaid picnic blanket, and spots a fucking brownie, innocent and perfect on a pristine napkin. 
His stomach turns. He closes his eyes immediately and tilts his head up to breathe. 
Gods. Not a fucking second goes by that he’s not being tested. 
“What’s wrong?” 
Jason reopens his eyes to the foliage overhead - the pine needles are lush and thick, dappling the sunlight enough to create comfortable shade. He inhales, and exhales. “You ever get the feeling the gods are screwing with you, specifically, on purpose?” 
Nico scoffs. “Yes. All the time.” 
Jason peeks down at him and, though he does smile, it fades fast. He sighs, tilting his head all the way back to the tree trunk. 
The tone of hanging out shifts and Jason feels pathetic about it. Nico sits up. 
“What’s going on?” 
“It’s nothing.” 
“It is not nothing, you- tell me.” 
It really feels like nothing, compared to what Nico’s been put through. A stupid brownie sitting in his peripherals for the last three days has nothing on walking through Tartarus, getting kidnapped by Giants, and being held prisoner in a fucking jar. 
Nico puts a hand on his shoulder. Jason feels infinitely worse. 
“Whatever it is, you can trust me, Jason, seriously. I’m here for you.”
Burying himself alive sounds like a decent option. “You could just open up a crack in the ground, frankly,” Jason says. 
Nico, unfortunately, only looks more concerned. 
Jason supposes if there’s anyone to begrudgingly admit the brownie haunting to, it would be the boy who can summon ghosts. Who is unfortunately also the most likely to be offended that Jason sees this as a fucking trial. Gods dammit. 
“Jason-” 
“Brownies keep showing up everywhere I go!” Jason blurts out, before Nico can start any more well meaning, heart rending shit. Jason buries his face in his hands. “Which would be fine because I like brownies, but I can’t- it’s like they’re trying to trick me, like someone’s got a sick vendetta against me, or, like, the gods are trying to teach me to not give in to what I want!” 
Nico’s stretching silence is, frankly, not reassuring in the slightest. 
Jason hunches down further and waits for the retreat. For Nico to say something soft but cutting about how he has to handle real problems while Jason gets chased around by fucking dessert foods. 
This is it: the most humiliating moment in his life. 
“You…can’t eat brownies?” 
“No,” Jason says, muffled. “I’m allergic to fucking tree nuts.” 
More horrific silence. Here he is, Jason Grace, whining that his hardest trial in life is a fucking nut allergy. 
Nico’s hand moves from his arm. Jason’s stomach sinks to the pits of the Underworld. 
“I had no idea,” Nico says, under his breath. “Since when?” 
Jason lifts his head back up, though he refuses to open his eyes. His face is hot like a sunburn. “I think since I was a kid? I-I forgot, y’know, with the amnesia, but I would get these awful stomach aches after eating stuff, and I’d feel like I couldn’t breathe right and- I talked to Frank about it a few months ago and he told me I was probably allergic to something. Reyna confirmed it.” 
“Oh,” Nico says. 
Jason, hating himself deep in his lungs, looks at his friend. One of his best friends. Likely about to be ex-friend. 
Nico looks…constipated. 
“I know, it’s stupid,” Jason says in a rush. “I made it sound really serious and it wasn’t, it’s nothing like, you know, bad, it’s only annoying. I mean- it really sucks, y’know, this thing I love keeps appearing but I don’t know if I can trust it to not make me sick, and it’s like- like some god out there knows all that. It just sucks.” He’s such a loser, isn’t he. 
“Jason,” Nico says, again in that soft, almost pitying tone. “It’s- It’s not a god.” 
“What?” 
Nico swallows, and shuffles around on the blanket. He folds up his legs, and then tangles his hands together and looks down at them. 
If Jason didn’t know better, he’d say Nico almost looked…
“I’ve been the one sending you brownies. I know you like them, uhm, and I wanted to help you feel better. Cheer you up, I guess.” 
…guilty. 
Nico looks back up at him, through his eyelashes, then immediately back down. “I didn’t know you were allergic,” he says. “I-I’m really- I’m so sorry.” 
“You’re the brownie ghost?” 
This time, Nico looks up with fluttering eyelids, a confused wrinkle to his brow. 
Jason stares back at him as his stomach launches back up from underground, as his chest squeezes and his shoulders lift, “you’re the brownie ghost!” 
“I, uhm, sorry?” 
There was no god taunting him! No awful portent of an oncoming apocalypse! Just a misguided friend trying to do something nice, oh, gods, Jason could touch the clouds right now. 
Nico was being sweet! To him! 
“Are you mad at me?” Nico asks. 
Jason only barely refrains from bear hugging him. “No! Nico, gods, no, I-I thought- I mean, you heard what I thought, but- you were trying to cheer me up?” 
“I really didn’t know.” 
“No, I know you didn’t. I know you wouldn’t do that. Oh my gods, that is such a relief, you don’t even know. I was so freaked out-” Jason stops himself, catches the pinched up look on Nico’s face. “It was a really, really nice thing, with context. 
Nico doesn’t look totally convinced, but he drops his shoulders, relaxes his fingers. “I’m still sorry.” 
“Already forgiven.” Jason looks down at the brownie again, and laughs. “You’re incredible, you know that?” 
He doesn’t have to look to know Nico’s ears are red, to know he’s shaking his head to himself either in disbelief, or an attempt to shake off the compliment. But it’s true, no matter what Nico tells himself. He’s incredible. 
“Whatever,” Nico mutters. Then, after a moment, he slumps all the way back to the ground, and sprawls. 
Jason tosses the brownie to Peleus and dusts the crumbs off on Nico’s shirt. 
When Nico cracks an eye open to glare at him, Jason grins, with one last petty swipe of his hand. 
(Later that night, after the campfire, Jason settles into his cabin, still smiling about how silly he’d been. When he rolls onto his side, there is a brownie on his nightstand, lit by the yellow glow of the only lamp. 
Written on the napkin, in shaky, unpracticed handwriting, it says, “no nuts. I triple checked.” 
Jason has never eaten anything faster in his life.) 
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queenbeedarling · 9 months ago
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North: *tries to give Sonic flowers for the first time on a random Tuesday*
Sonic: Aww, thank you, babe. I'm actually allergic, but you're so sweet.
North: *Quickly retracts the flowers and leaves the room* Stupid.
North: *Hits the flowers against the nearest wall* How dare you hurt my baby?
North: *Shoves them to the first person he sees* You! Take these evil things away from here!
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stellewriites · 2 months ago
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i’ve got a cold :((
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mimbotomy · 1 year ago
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I'm sorry to hear that planning has been stressful, but best wishes this Saturday!!! I'm so excited for you and your wedding and your marriage and wish you every happiness 💕.
Thank you! I am very excited too! Mostly because I get to marry the love of my life 🩷🩷🩷 but also because there are only four days left and judging from my track record this last month that means I will probably have to deal with🤞🏼only🤞🏼four more things going wrong! 🎉 And then I’ll be married to my favorite person and the stress will probably be gone! ✨
(Please send good vibes my way it’s been a very weird hectic month 😂)
#if anyone’s interested in all the stuff that’s gone wrong#I’ve had to deal with my venue#my caterer#and my photographer all cancelling last minute#I still might not have a photographer bc I need the venue to sign off on his insurance and he still hasn’t sent it#my fiance asked me to wear a Pakistani dress and the one I ordered came late and was terrible#like who uses BLUE MARKER to mark out where the embroidery is going on PAPER THIN WHITE SILK????#I got a new dress tho and the tailor should be done by Friday morning#our guest list just keeps growing bc his family doesn’t seem to understand the idea of an RSVP#my fiancé’s family also doesn’t seem to like the idea of specifics 😬#or understand that we are trying to keep things small#aka his mom invited five more people last week and told me about them today after I already submitted a final guest count#communication has just kinda been terrible all around tbh#my phone keeps trying to commit suicide#we were informed of a serious allergy like two days ago#so now the menu has to change and our caterer is super unhappy about that#my fiance asked me yesterday if I was wearing a veil and then asked me to wear one so now I have to find a veil#I realized on Sunday that I never actually asked my cousins to be my bridesmaids#which isn’t so bad since no bridesmaid dresses but it was embarrassing#and my anxiety caught up with me yesterday and I spent the night stress puking!#it’s been great 👍🏼#but I’m going to marry the love of my life on Saturday and that’s what matters#even tho it kinda feels like the universe is trying to tell me otherwise
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cocklessboy · 1 year ago
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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
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cheyisagirlkisser · 25 days ago
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what if reader is a cat burglar and breaks into pitfighter vi’s apartment one night and vi catches her and at first she thinks it’s kinda funny and says “are you dumb? there’s nothing in here worth stealing.” but then she sees how cute and scared reader is and decides to punish her for her actions
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CONTENT: Vi x fem! reader, spanking (r! receiving), fingering & oral sex (r! receiving), spit play, hair-pulling, impact play, overstimulation, rough sex, degradation & some praise, dom / sub roles (dom vi, submissive reader), punishment, aftercare in the end
WORD COUNT: 3.1K
A/N: Thank you for the request I loved this one! Also if it's unclear because I only hinted to it, Vi comes back early because she forgot her bandages!! Enjoy<3
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Your hands leisurely sift through the jewelry box, fingers brushing against a few rings and necklaces. Then, you feel it. Jackpot. A beautiful emerald, a real emerald necklace. You recall your friend telling you about how Pilties loved their jewels; frisking the accessory out of the box, you didn't expect to find such quality from an undercity home. Once again, another good snag. You smiled to yourself in pride though you were alone and slipped out the window you came out of, onto the night to bring your find to an.. 'old friend.'
The door jingled so comically and shut behind you. There, standing behind a tall desk and in front of shelves of treasures was Harlan: the pawn man of Zaun. He was intimidatingly tall and a snake if you ever did see one, but he was convenient, his building open at all hours of the night. Though most came to sell their own items, he didn't particularly need to know that yours were not technically.. well, yours. All he needed was something to sell up to the top-siders.
"Well, well, well. You've got something new for me today?" Voice so nasal, you'd think he was always in bouts of allergies, but no. Just a natural snake. "Show me what you've got for me, dear."
Your grin was as wide as the Cheshire cat's, "you'll never believe the haul, Harlan."
With raised brows, he bit. "How much?"
"One." Your hands found purchase at the front of his desk, amusingly starting up at his now impatient expression.
"You've come to me with only one item?" He sighed. "Fine, show me. What's so great about your find?"
Your toothy smile only widened, having lured him in for the catch. Then, your nimble hand fished through your pocket, pulling out the fish in question, the emerald shining as if to say, "I cost more than your Zaun home is worth by twice-over."
You had him hooked, and you were happily able to return back to your home with a bag of coins and a few heaps of gold stuffed into your pockets. Once your feet returned back to your humble apartment, you were quick to collapse onto your stiff mattress.
Your life mainly consisted of the routine of thievery. At night, you dressed to cover yourself and bade off to homes to snatch their possessions. From watches to even just coin itself, you were particularly good at going undetected. This was all you knew, and you didn't feel an ounce of empathy. What was fair was fair game, and what wasn't fair were the cards you were dealt with early into your childhood; why should anyone be offered what is simply 'fair', if you are not? You had rent to pay, your own mouth to feed, and everyone in Zaun in fact knew that money did equate to happiness. Everyone in Piltover may have been able to snuff those thoughts down as they mindlessly bought their way through life, leading more extravagance in a nanosecond than any person who'd lived in the undercity could see in a century-length lifetime.
Tomorrow, you thought, would be an even better haul. You usually did not plan through missions, for you were witty and able to go undetected. However, you knew what apartment to pick from tonight. You knew who to pick from, more precisely stated.
Her shoulders were broad, her hair dark. A glint of metal from her piercing flickered through visions, and her betters were smug. Vi was the name all undercity could ever think to talk about anymore. Vi was well-known for her abilities in the ring, and you knew she had a lot of money in her pockets from that. Little did you know that all of the cash went straight to brothels and beer, not to anything you could pick-pocket, though you did love a good quality drink or two.
You planned the perfect burglary: leave before Vi's first fight of the night starts so that she won't be in her apartment for a while, giving you enough time to find yourself her most valuable possessions. Every fight probably lasted under 15 minutes, but that did not include the time she spent at the bar with Loris or preparing for fights, so that added quite some extra time onto however many fights she'd be taking on that night. When you were satisfied with the haul, you would be careful not to leave a trace of yourself anywhere or make any noise that may pin you to the crime; you heard rumors that Vi was sweet on enforcers, and you wondered if that meant that she could possibly make it easier for you to be pinned to all of the robberies in the under-city if she were to ask for it. A trial like that? You'd be easily looking at decades.
You knew that without a doubt, this could go terribly wrong. Not only was Vi disgustingly connected to enforcers, but she was extremely strong. If you were to be caught, your life could be on the line. You weren't weak, but you were in no means fit to take on any pitfights, let alone Vi. However, you were quite foolish and the money from the emerald necklace would only get you so far. Plus, what's wrong with stealing from some enforcer suck-up?
So, you carried out your grand plan. At 8 p.m, the first fight began. Vi had not locked her front door, which surprised you but you were ironically grateful. Made it a lot easier than slipping through a window. Now, here you were, in Vi's apartment.
Taking it all in left you dumbfounded, to say the last. There was almost nothing in sight worth stealing. The room was tinier than you could even imagine; hell, it was smaller than your apartment and that was saying a lot. How in the world does a successful woman like Vi live in a place the size of a college dorm? The bed was hardly a mattress, and all of the valuable items you expected to see within the room were somewhat empty bottles of alcohol, dirty clothes all over the floor, and a few empty plates. Really the only thing worth stealing was the punching bag, but that would be difficult to carry, and you couldn't fit it in any bag you had on you. You momentarily noticed Vi's bandages on the mattress (if you could call it that), which was peculiar knowing that she was known for always fighting with those wrapped around her hands, but you were starting to panic over the fact that you plan was for naught. In a bit of a frenzy, you began sifting through her wooden nightstand's drawers for anything of importance. A flask, a small amount of coins, and a palette of black eye-shadow was all. And then, before you could get a chance to even take those items, you were caught.
"What the fuck are you doing in here?" The door slammed. You whipped back around to see her standing a few feet away, looking cautious but not exactly furious.
"I-I..I was just..." Your words seemed to fail you. Everything you could think of, any possible explanation, it all vanished. You thought of coming clean, but she quickly caught you off guard with a burst of laughter.
"Oh my god, are you that thief everyone's been complaining about?! It's you?" She didn't sound even irritated anymore, just purely entertained. You stood, defensiveness creeping into you.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" You shouted, fingers clenching into fists. Okay, so you did not appear to be thief material, to say the least. You didn't look like some big-time robber, only like a 20 year old girl. Still, you almost wished she would've just turned you in. This was humiliating.
"It's just that... you're visiting me of all people? Are you that stupid? There's not a single thing in here even worth taking. You could probably find a mouse who lives in the wall and sell it for more than this place is worth." She laughed once more, looking over your body in a way that made you both offended and somehow hot.
"Oh, please. Says the one who's soft on the top-siders." Your mouth was going to get you in a lot of trouble, it seemed.
Vi's laughed quickly died down, and she began walking towards you. There was nowhere to go but backwards until your back hit the wall. "You wanna say that again, thief? I could have you rot in Stillwater, you know." That threat caused you to begin to panic. You'd heard countless stories of what the guards do to their prisoners, and you didn't think you could even survive an hour in one of those cells.
"I'm sorry, please don't...please don't tell anybody. I'll do anything."
"Anything?" Vi raised a brow at that.
"Yes! I'll do anything, I'll give you all the cash on me, I'll never break into another house again, just..." You were starting to sound desperate, and Vi seeing some cute thief begging, offering her anything at all for her troubles... a wicked idea popped into her brain.
"I wanna fuck you."
"What...?"
"You heard me. I was planning on spending tonight's earnings on the brothel, but you'll work, I guess."
Her demand was met with silence. For some reason, more heat spread through your face at the thought of getting fucked by Vi than you'd care to admit. You knew that if you agreed, she probably wouldn't go easy. Then again, you didn't exactly have a choice. You were in her apartment after trying to take all of her shit. Before you could protest any further, Vi had you pinned against her wall, a hand gripping your chin to keep you from looking away. Her next words were quiet and low.
"Thieves deserve to get punished, am I right?" She let out a small hum at the way your breath hitched, "I mean, 'specially the pretty ones. So what'll it be, sweetheart?"
Your eyes widened at her words. "W-What will...what be?"
Vi laughed, a soft sound. "What'll it be? The enforcer's idea of punishment or mine?"
Your body was already betraying you, heat fluttering in your lower stomach at her words. This was the last thing you were expecting at the previous worries of getting caught, but you had to admit that Vi was hot. She had experience, too. You swallowed and tried to keep a steady voice with her.
"You."
Vi was a fucking maniac, you concluded.
She had you laid naked across her lap, your ass red with her handprint. Her hand spent what felt like hours slamming down onto your ass-cheeks, hitting both with an amount of force you knew that she contained, but didn't expect to feel. Each smack required a number. She forced you to count each and every spank, and if you hesitated for too long or lost count, she would start over. You didn't even remember how many times you were forced to restart because each blow on your rear left you a mess. All the while, she'd throw filthy words at you, somehow causing your pussy to grow wet and drip onto her mattress.
"Whores get punished when they get greedy. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you baby?"
SMACK!
"Every time I spank you, you seem to get even more soaked. A damn mess all over my bed. It's okay, baby. You'll make up for it."
SMACK!
When you were thinking about getting punished sexually, you imagined just a rough fuck. Maybe some heavy kissing and the usual lesbian stuff, not to be bent over this girl's lap and spanked like it was discipline, forced to count and basically stripped of any ounce of dignity your soul had. You had to admit that you loved it, though. The more her hand met your skin, the louder you got. It was absolutely hell, and you looked like it, too. Your hair that was once tied back was frizzy and tangled from the amount of times she'd gripped it to lift your head up. Your eyes were watery, rimmed with tears that reached your cheeks. Your bottom lip was sore and swollen from you biting down onto it to brace yourself for her punishment. Each moment was absolute torture.
And just when you thought it was over, Vi's fingers slipped inside of you, giving you no time to adjust before fucking you senseless. You cried out at the mix of pleasure and pain, trying to squirm away but Vi's hand on your hip kept you right in your place on across her lap.
"O-Oh, fuck!! Vi, please, take it easy on me-" You didn't even sound like yourself now, your voice broken from all of the crying and your words muffled from your face in the mattress. You were so fucking embarrassed, naked on top of this woman's thighs with her fingers thrusting into your pussy like she hated you. You were convinced she did.
"Why should I take it easy on you? You're just a filthy thief who's desperate enough to steal from anyone, and apparently desperate to get fucked." She berated you, voice so unlike what you'd heard before when she was lightheartedly laughing at you for breaking in.
"It's too much, please!! I can't take it.." You pleaded, crying into her pillow. It was too much, that much was true. Each hit to your g-spot wasn't like a brush but instead like a punch to it, and it felt like overstimulation before you were even able to cum yet.
Vi seemed to take mercy on you, at least that was what you assumed.
Her digits slipped out of you, but before you could sigh in relief, she had you flipped over and onto your back, laid out on top of her mattress with your legs spread in a matter of seconds. Soon, one hand returned to your pussy, three fingers pumping into you at a relentless pace as her other hand gripped your chin. Her eyes were dark with something you weren't used to seeing in anyone, and you began to realize why she was so good at fighting - she was fucking insane.
"Open that fuckin' mouth of yours. Right now." You didn't even wait to oblige, quickly parting your lips which were spilling out whines and cries for mercy. Vi spit into your mouth and used her own hand to close your jaw. "Now, swallow."
You swallowed graciously, and a flutter went through you at her taste. She hadn't even kissed you yet, and you now wanted her to. Her saliva was thick with alcohol and iron, perhaps from blood from a previous fight, but you needed more.
"V-Vi, need a kiss.." You begged breathlessly, expecting her to cave.
"You think you deserve a kiss?" You nodded eagerly, trying your best to even maintain the conversation with her fingers picking up in speed. "Yeah? You're getting a kiss after you've learned your goddamn lesson."
Before you could even whine in protest, Vi's head was between your legs, making out with your sopping cunt while three fingers curled to meet your g-spot. "You wanna complain about me fucking you like this, but you're soaking wet enough to take it and this sweet pussy's just clenching around my fingers like she never wants me to leave," she pulled away to remark before diving back in, tongue circling around your swollen bud.
"Oh, fuck!! Vi, no- You're gonna make me cum, Vi!!"
Only, Violet didn't seem to care. In fact, she wanted you to. She wanted you to so that she could do it again, and again, and again.
Vi coaxed the first orgasm out of you with the flat of her tongue and a deep plunge into your stretched-out hole. Each flick of her tongue sent you both squirming away and bucking up into her mouth. Every hit your sweet insides endured had you only gripping at her stained mattress harder. You cried, pleaded, and begged her for more. You could feel her smile against your pussy. She'd give you more, alright.
You were starting to regret your word when her mouth stayed latched to your clit and her fingertips abused your spongey, tender insides. You were practically fucked raw now, ass still red and sore, cries sounding more like a wounded animal than a real girl, and all you could even process was the sensations. You forgot what you came here for, forgot about wanting a kiss. You wanted mercy.
The second orgasm was a brutal paradise. Ecstasy flowed throughout your body in waves until once again, your pussy was feeling the raw overload of pleasure she was dealing you. You didn't remember how many more times this cycle continued, only that by the end of it, your lower half was numb and you recalled through teary vision, her chin coated in your juices and her lips parting to suck the taste off of her own fingers.
When she was finally done with you, she pulled you into her lap and held you tightly. Sure you were a little thief, but a cute one. Vi wasn't a monster. Her hands traced patterned over your back and squeezed you tightly. You sniffled, still coming down from the intensity of it all.
"Shh, you were a good girl 'f me...took it all and now you're here in my lap.." she comforted you, planting her lips onto your hair.
Then, you remembered what you really wanted to feel before you had to leave.
"Can I please get a kiss?" Your head pulled from her shoulder so that you could see her. Vi nearly melted at your eyes staring up at her, so vulnerable and in need of her care.
Of course she leaned in, pressing her lips onto yours with a gentle warmth just for you to have. She didn't rush it or invade your mouth, only spoiling you with her tender affection you craved after her harsh lesson. Her lips made soft smacking sounds against yours, causing you to softly hum against her mouth and lean in closer for more. You needed this stranger's care more than you needed anything else in that moment. When you pulled away, you placed your head onto her bandaged chest, letting her heart beat and sweet coos lull you to slumber. You ended up falling asleep in her arms, and you hoped to come back to her apartment, but rather for her than for stealing. Your body ached with the previous events, but Vi's hold on you didn't leave you throughout the night, squeezing you so softly to hear those sweet, sleepy squeaks.
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shebsart · 2 years ago
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Im sick with flu so naturally I picked up my newly bought copy of Howl's Moving Castle which includes DWJ interviews in the back.
And im in love with the way she tells these stories feels like a part of her books.
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And my favorite:
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The magic in the mundane :)
edit: I'm copying the ID by @princess-of-purple-prose below, thank you!
[ID: Excerpts of printed text which read:
I suppose there's also a biographical element in that Sophie is the eldest of three sisters, and so am I. The idea for Sophie grew out of the time I discovered I had a very severe milk allergy. I almost lost the use of my legs and had to walk with the aid of a stick. I was moderately young, but because of this I suddenly became old.
I had to wait until I knew what Wizard Howl was like. I began to discover Howl about the time when one of my sons took to spending several hours in the bathroom every morning and I got really, really, really annoyed with him.
Where were you when you wrote it? I wrote the book the way I write everything, stretched out on the big sofa in my sitting room, in everyone's way. This often annoys my husband rather a lot.
which made me burst out laughing. I laughed and laughed at the seven league boot, and when I came to the bit where Sophie accidentally makes Howl's suit twenty times too big for him, I laughed so much that I fell off the sofa. My husband was really irritated by this time. He snapped, "You can't be making yourself laugh!" And I gasped, "But I am, I am!" and rolled about on the floor.
Are any of your relatives or friends included in the book? Yes, well the thing that started me off writing the book was a friend of mine who never does her laundry. She has it around the place in huge bags for often as much as a year. When she does tip it all out and try to wash it, she discovers all sorts of clothes that she has forgotten she had.
Which is your favourite part of the book and why? I like the book all over, but I suppose if I had to choose a bit, I'd choose the place where Howl gets a cold. It so happened that when I was writing this bit, my husband caught a bad cold. He is the world's most histrionic cold catcher. He moans, he coughs, he piles on the pathos, he makes strange noises, he blows his nose exactly like a bassoon in a tunnel, he demands bacon sandwiches at all hours, and he is liable to appear (usually wrapped in someone else's dressing gown) at any time, announcing that he is dying of neglect and boredom. So all I had to do was write it down. End ID]
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totallynotsloughjykk · 3 months ago
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one detail I'd like to mention is that he got zhanmandao as a mortal (he already wielded it during zhongyuan festival, when he was 17). as a mortal, when he was still xie lian's personal attendant
ZHANMADAO IS THE ONLY SPIRITUAL WEAPON WITHOUT A NAME IN TGCF AND I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY MU QING DECIDED TO KEEP IT LIKE THAT.
Like, the cultivation and training meant a lot to him, he always tried to act properly regardless of his status AND YET HE DIDN'T GIVE HIS SABER A NAME??? naming a weapon is a big thing for a cultivator, the sword have spirits, yet he keeps calling it by its type???
NEED YOUR THOUGHT ON THAT
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docdudo · 2 months ago
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Hybrid 141 As Parents - Foster Human Child!Reader (Part 5)
You were never one to complain. Living in the foster system means accepting all kinds of shit that comes with being an orphan in a stranger's house.
You almost never received any presents. It was rare the times you did get something at your placements, but if you did, it was a hand me down. Like the thin blue jacket you came wearing, that was a present from a divorced mother who kids were already too big for the jacket. Or the white dress that a christian family gave to you so you could go to church with them 'dressed appropriately'.
Well, you couldn't complain about that one. The simple white dress is to this day your 'fanciest' piece of clothing.
You wouldn't say you were that much of a picky eater either, but you certainly didn't like all kinds of food... which is pratically torture in the system. You just learned to push all kinds of food down your throat quietly, and if it was truly too bad for you to manage? You would simply come up with a weak excuse and run away from the food.
Being any kind of picky eater in the system was torture. Even worse if you have allergies. You knew a boy at your last group home that was allergic to glutten and peanuts, and he was basically as thin as you were. He was still bigger, being a cat hybrid and all, but at least you knew you weren't the only one suffering at these houses.
So imagine your surprise when John, the big hybrid dragon, spend his whole morning gently coaxing you to go shopping with him and Simon, to get 'things you might need', and 'snacks you might like to eat', and even 'go grab lunch at the mall'.
At first, you were too nervous and anxious to say anything, mostly just staring back at him as you fidgeted quietly in place. It took Johnny joining the conversation excitedly, Kyle sending you stupid thumbs up quietly from the living room couch, and Simon picking up the keys to their car while looking at you expectantly for you to finally agree to go with them.
So here you were, walking between two giants of men at a big and loaded shopping center, nervously trying to keep your pace matched up to theirs as Simon made sure to keep a hand enveloped tightly around your much smaller hand.
Worse of all? A lot of people were looking your way. Big hybrids like Price and Ghost weren't unnusual, but the small little human holding their hand surely was. Not only human, but a human under the care of hybrids. You wanted to burry your head in a deep hole and never come out.
"Darlin'." John's deep and purred voice called your attention immediatly as you looked up at him quietly. "Don't try and wander off, understood?"
You nod quietly, slightly intimidated by his tone and serious face.
"Good baby." He purrs out, giant hand coming down on your head as he messes slightly with the small strands there. "Now, sweetness, let's buy you some things."
"I... I really d-don't need anything..." You murmur quietly, a bit anxious about them wasting money on you.
Both of them looked at you with those serious expressions for a few seconds, considering you. John smiled slightly as he compromised, lifting both hands up.
"Then let's look around, if we find something, then that's good." His laugh is deep, slow and rough. It's clear the smoke from his dragon side had some effect on his throat. That, and he probably smoked cigars and cigarettes too.
You just nodded quietly, not willing to go against his word, as you three kept walking around. That is, until Simon grunted, fixing the surgical mask on his face and looking down like he was thinking of something.
".......what...?" You murmur softly, confused.
"I think you're breaking Simon's back, hun." John laughed deeply, shaking his head slightly.
"W-Wha...?"
"You're too small for me to hold your hand confortably." The wraith deadpanned. "Stay still."
"W-Wait, wh- Aah!"
You were stunned for a second, as you were suddenly held high up. Big, thick arms held your legs easily, making you sit in the crook of his elbow, as he held you to his side like a toddler. It was enough to shut your little squeak of surprise as you were just in shock now.
"Simon, I told you to be gentle." The dragon smirked slightly, tho his voice a bit more rough than usual as it seems to always have an edge of a growl on it.
"I am." The wraith grunted quietly as he started to walk once again. "This is the best option for the both of us. Right, luv?"
"A-Ah... I..." You were too flustered to properly say anything, but you still nodded your head slowly, trying to settle on his arms.
"See?" Simon smirked under his mask to John, as the older man simply rolled his eyes with a smile on his face.
"Say, darlin'. Do you like ice cream?" John offers out of nowhere as he smiles confidently, ignoring Simon's remark.
".....some flavors, yeah..." You mumble back, a little arm holding on Simon's shoulder as you looked around quietly, trying to ignore other people's looks.
"What's your favorite?" He asks easily, taking a different path as Simon followed close behind.
"...Vanilla is good..."
"Good, then vanilla is what you're gonna get." He answers simply, with the confidance you don't think you have ever seen on anyone else.
"...it's... it's really okay if you don't..." You try quietly, only to see him shaking his head slowly, looking over his shoulder that didn't have the wing, expression serious and stoic as his rough voice murmured.
"I provide to my hoard, little hatchling. It would do you good to remember that."
Those words, spoken in that way, was enough to immediatly shut you up, your body instinctively curling on itself (more on Simon really) at the sigh of an intimidating predator.
Tho, Simon didn't let you suffer in your fear and anxiety, as his big and wide palm settled on your small back, pulling you closer to his chest for confort as he was speaking, slow and quiet, even if his voice always sounded rough.
"Price's not mad, fledgling. Stay calm. He's not mad, much less mad at you. He's just a protective bastard." He snorted quietly, bouncing you a little on his arms to help you calm down.
"Watch it, Riley." Price mumbled, tho he had a small smile on his face as he slowed his pace a bit to stand by you and Simon, big hand now being placed on your upper back, which was a slightly shock due to how warm it felt. Simon was wearing gloves, but he felt much cooler. "And i'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to scare you."
He was also doing that subtle baby voice, keeping his voice much quieter as he leaned in and gently nudged half of his face against yours, making you freeze a bit at the action. It really felt like a big animal was trying to be apologetic.
"If Kyle was here, you would've gotten an ear full." Simon commented simply as he watched, amused.
"Thank god he isn't." John huffs a little, stepping back. "I don't need mother hen scolding me for this. I didn't even growl." And now, he was leaning slightly closer again, that quiet and gentle tone coming back as he looked at your small, nervous face. "I'm not that scary, am I, darlin'?"
"'Course you are, for a small little thing like this?" Simon laughs roughly, shaking his head, his grip in you getting firmer.
"I-I'm not scared..." You mumble quietly, playing a bit with the sweater that they lent it to you yesterday, not making eye contact with either of them.
"Of course not, darlin'..." John cooed deeply, tho his tone made it clear that he wasn't taking your answer seriously, rubbing your head gently. "Come on."
In the end, they got you a vanilla ice cream on a big cone, that you were licking it quietly. They were speaking with eachother as they planned what next things to buy, and what stores to visit. You weren't paying that much attention, just focusing on your vanilla ice cream as Simon carreid you around.
You got used to him carrying you, and now, you were much more confortable on his hold.
"Baby, look here." John's voice once again called your attention as you lifted your head from the ice cream to stare at him. "What do you think of this blanket?"
You tilted your head to the side, slightly confused, but you reached for the soft blanket he brough close, feeling the fuzzy, confortable texture.
"It's... good." You mumble, unsure about what to say.
"Just good?" John asked, considering your answer, looking between you and the blanket, before putting it back in place. "Let's see others, then."
You were not entirely sure what John was trying to do. Maybe buy you a blanket, but... you already had lots of blankets on the bed they gave you. And on the weird nest on the middle too.
Still, you got distracted once again with the ice cream in your tiny hold, going back to licking it. You were already getting a bit full... you were never the biggest fan of ice cream, you got tired of it fast. So, as you looked quietly to the side to stare at Simon's face, you gently brought the cone close to his face, making him look at you passively.
"Do you want a bit...?" You mumble softly, only to see the man pushing his surgical mask to his chin and taking a big bite out of the ice cream you were holding in front of his face.
You managed to see his scary, pointy and large teeth, the slightly too long and sharp tongue at the action, making you instinctively shudder on his hold. It was natural, a human watching their predator showing their dangerous teeth like it was nothing. Still, you were thankful for his help.
"Oww...." You turned a bit alarmed to John's direction as you heard the dragon's deep croon, his eyes getting half-lidded and pupils dilating. "Always soft for the hatchlings, aren't you, Simon?"
Simon just hums, swallowing the ice cream and licking his lips simply, keeping his serious expression.
"I'm used to being the kids' trashcan." He... joked? You were not sure, since he kept his face and tone so stony, but by John's laugh, you deduced it was a joke.
"Here, hun, how does this blanket feel?" John asks as he brings another fuzzy blanket close, light blue and full of colorful little dots.
"Good... confortable..." You mumble, feeling the material.
"Hmmm...." John considered once again, humming as he squinted his eyes.
"John, you know humans don't nest. She's not going to have hard instincts towards blankets." Simon comments, almost bored as te took another bite of your almost finished ice cream.
"I know, it's just... different to see it." John nods slightly before shrugging. "Do you like this color, little one?"
You just nod quietly, now understanding a bit more what was going on. Indeed, you shouldn't expect nesting instincts from a human, but even you could tell when the blanket was confortable and made from a good material.
"Come on, doll. Let's see what else we can find for you before having lunch." John mumbles softly, leaning close once again, quickly kissing Simon on the lips, who kissed back easily, and then kissing you on the forehead gently.
They were... very nice. Even if a bit scary.
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batfambrainrotbeloved · 8 months ago
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Bruce Wayne, mentor to many- father to none.
I want the angst of B having to come to terms that he doesn't know ANY of his kids not anymore at least and maybe never and the fact his kids are just- used to it?
Visiting Dicks apartment, he finds a picture of him smiling while surrounded by a bunch of little kids in spandax uniforms. Turns out he'd been a gymnastics instructor for about four years now and his most recent team had everyone qualify for state. (Bruce didn't even know he still practiced)
Jason stopped accepting Wednesday night patrols, but when he looked into it he found out that was the night he went to DND nights with his roommates every week. The roommates he met last semester after he decided to go to college and get an english major. (Bruce didn't even know he had applied)
Checking the library he found a small pedastal plague put up by Alfred displaying just one book. It said Cass was the author. Apparently she had gotten super into writing and published a book talking about language deprivation and lack of accomidation for deaf/hoh children born to hearing families. She had a book signing last month, Alfred had gone and grabbed this copy now on display (Bruce didn't even know she liked to write)
Tim finished a case early and let it slip he needed to sign off early to "meet up with his boyfriends" and hung up before Bruce could process. It only took a small glance at his middle child's latest social media post to see him alongside Superboy (what was his name?) and a blonde boy he didn't recognize. Both were leaned in to kiss his cheek and the caption said "Happy 3rd anniversary!!" (Bruce didn't even know he was interested in boys)
Steph's birthday came around and Bruce got her a new account and shoved a couple thousand for her to buy whatever she wanted. But he quickly noticed a pattern of everyone getting her- cat supplies? Apparently She had adopted a cat about a month ago to celebrate her new apartment, Mister Mystery was his name, and she had asked everyone for supplies instead of other gifts. (Bruce didn't even know she had moved)
He decided on some impromptu father-son bonding and tries to track down his youngest. But Damian is nowhere to be found. He gets pretty close to calling an emergency meeting but the moment he messages Oracle she reminds him Damian is in Chicago. Damian had won an art competition at school and his piece qualified for a gallery spot. The entire family had gone days ago and he was due back the next day. (Bruce didn't even know he cared about art)
Then Duke- his youngest in terms of time spent. But one he had grown fond of just as fast as the others. Especially working the day shift the time they spent was limited. Bruce got them both lunch, but it wasn't until halfway through eating that Duke had turned to him with panicked eyes and asked if the stew had shellfish. Duke had a severe allergy, thankfully Jason had been just up the street and had an epi-pen ready before they took him to Leslies. (Bruce didnt even know he had any allergies, let alone one so severe)
The worst part? There was no blow up. His kids didn't take his idiocracy as a personal insult or even raise a fight. They just rolled their eyes and moved on. As everyone crowded in the room, surrounding Dukes bedside he could hear Barbras voice. "Its not your fault, Batman may be omnipotent, but Bruce doesn't know anything really"
He wasnt meant to overhear or maybe he was, Oracle had always been petty But he couldn't refute it.
"But you have us"
Well- thats just it wasnt it? Even when Bruce was absent- his kids had each other. But was that ever meant to be enough?
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st4rpiece · 2 months ago
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dealing with a rude server
SWF
characters: luffy, zoro, law, crocodile x f! reader summary: how the guys would handle a server being rude/disrespectful towards you in front of them CW: not proofread, killing (law and crocodile), toxic behavior from servers, but mainly fluff [different kinds of reader traits are mentioned in different scenarios: allergies (not specified), height + weight (kind of specified), speech impediment (more specifically stuttering)]
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Monkey D. Luffy
luffy doesn't bother reading the menu at any restaurant you guys go to, and that's because he gets the same thing every time; one of everything. you, however, love taking your sweet time examining the menu and familiarizing yourself with the items, especially if you guys are on a new island. 
another reason was because of your allergies, you wanted to make sure the food you were eating didn’t contain anything that could trigger a reaction. unfortunately, a lot of the food served at this particular restaurant contained that exact ingredient, so your options when it came to food were limited. usually, you'd pick a dish you’d like with a couple of new dishes to try, but as a precaution, you stuck to just one. 
while deciding, you noticed how overly friendly the server had been with luffy, answering all his weird questions and agreeing to his even weirder requests. had you been treated the same, you (like luffy) would’ve brushed it off as just over-the-top service, but you weren’t. it was clear that they had a thing for luffy, so clear that they didn’t even bother to hide their feelings towards you. 
while ordering, they would cut you off to properly pronounce a word you had mispronounced, or answer your questions in a condescending tone, a stark contrast to the way they had treated luffy. and although you didn't ask, they began recommending meals they knew you couldn’t have because you had already told them about your allergies. 
the treatment was unfair but not worth fighting over so despite all that, neither of you commented on their actions (although it was clear that luffy was bothered by it). he didn’t like that they would recommend a dish you couldn’t eat as if mocking you. still, he kept quiet, thinking that was all you guys had to deal with.
when your food arrived, and instead of getting what you ordered, you got the exact dish the server had recommended earlier. everything about it was exactly as they had advertised it to be, and while it did look and smelt nice, it wasn't what you ordered. luffy could turn a blind eye to any harm done to him, but he wasn’t as lenient when it came to you. seeing the server stand there with a smirk on their face as if they didn't just hand you something that could kill you pissed him off greatly. 
“is this some fucking joke?” luffy asked, his voice a mixture of disbelief and anger as his eyes bore into the server, demanding an answer. 
“you know she didn’t order this,” he said, pointing at the offending plate in front of you. the server's eyes darted from luffy’s intense gaze to the food and back again, their cheeks flushing a deep red as they realized their mistake.
“i-i’m so sorry, i’ll get your order fixed right away,” they stammered, their hands trembling as they hastily retreated to the kitchen.
after the stunt they just pulled, their words do nothing to ease luffy’s anger or anxiety. so despite not being allowed in the kitchen, he still went. demanding he keep an eye on the cooks, making sure your dish was prepared quickly and correctly.
once it was done he would personally bring it out to you, intensely assessing you for any weird reactions as you took your first bite. after giving him the nod of approval and your usually happy smile, his eyes would light up with relief before joining indulging in his own meal.
Roronoa Zoro
zoro never orders his food cause he doesn’t care what he eats as long as there’s some good alcohol. so, by default, you've always been the one in charge of ordering. something you enjoyed doing because of the praise you'd get whenever he liked the dish you picked out. the server, unfamiliar with your relationship dynamic, placed all the attention on zoro, waiting for his order with little to no acknowledgment towards you.
“what are you looking at me for? she’s the one ordering,” he’d say, nodding his head in your direction. his brows furrowed in annoyance, eyeing the server intensely, watching them apologize frantically before they finally turned to you, giving you their undivided attention.
seeing this you began ordering a mountain of food; ones you liked, ones you knew he’d like, and a couple of new things for you both to try. you were ordering a lot, especially for just two people, but with zoro’s appetite and your love for trying new dishes, you knew it wouldn't go to waste. the server, watching you order all this food, couldn’t keep their negative thoughts to themselves. 
“no wonder she’s so big,” they mumbled under their breath as they wrote down the rest of your order. unprepared for the sudden blade aimed directly at their neck, scaring them in the process.
“come again?” zoro asked, his brows still furrowed, but this time in anger as his blade hovered mere inches from their neck.
the restaurant was silent, the usual chatter of customers and clanging of kitchenware had ceased abruptly. the server’s eyes were wide with terror. they truly didn’t think anyone could hear them.
“i-i just meant she’s tall and muscular like she must work out a lot!” they stuttered, their voice trembling.
zoro’s grip tightened around the blade, the insult was clear. you both knew what she meant; still, he decided to withdraw his blade, sliding it back into its sheath.
“watch your fucking mouth,” he warned his voice a dangerously low rumble that sent a shiver down their spine. they nodded fervently, their eyes never leaving the spot where the blade had just been. after apologizing some more, they quickly left to go get your food, not wanting to anger him even more. 
her words didn’t bother you, and if they did you could’ve easily handled it, but the sight of your usually level-headed boyfriend threatening someone’s life for your sake was pretty hot. you couldn’t help but tease him about it, loving the way his ears redden in response.
Trafalgar Law
law doesn’t eat out much, nothing against it he just hates rowdy places, the extroverted personality of his crew was enough for him to deal with. however, after getting together with you, he found himself at a lot of different restaurants watching you gush over a new dish, excited to recreate them back on the submarine. he usually kept quiet while you ordered, trusting your judgment on whatever you picked for him. 
food was one of the few outlets that allowed you to express yourself without words. due to your speech impediment, you tended to avoid talking to anyone you weren’t close with, as it was something you were insecure about. but, when it came to food, you could ramble all day regardless of how many times you stuttered. and it helps that all of the restaurants you've been to had servers who were patient and kind, giving you the time to order without judgment. 
when visiting a new place law would always ask if you wanted him to order instead, usually after assessing the environment of the restaurant or, in this case, the server's attitude. one he picked up on as they gave their introduction still, you insisted on being the one to order. things were going fine with you ordering as you normally would, before becoming aware of the growing look of disinterest and impatience on the server's face. this made you feel like you were taking too much of their time, causing you to speed up, rushing through your words. something you instantly regretted after coming across a word you weren’t familiar with, butchering it along with your stutter.
noticing the sudden shift in your mood, law takes your hand, drawing small circles on your palm as a way to calm you down. but the warmness from his hands was overshadowed by the muffed chuckle from your server. you weren't sure if they were laughing at your pronunciation or at your stutter either way, you were too embarrassed to say anything else. 
“what's so funny?” he asked, a noticeable edge in his voice. the server, however, failed to detect it.
“my apologies,” they said insincerely, mockery evident in their eyes. “what was it that you wanted again?”
you didn't bother answering instead, turning to your boyfriend, hoping he’d take over. unprepared for the sight of the server’s heart clutched in his hands. 
coming face to face with their heart made them realize the gravity of the situation that they were in, but before they could plead for their life, law squeezed tightly around their heart, silencing them with the pain. 
“get us a different server,” he demanded, watching them frantically search for the nearest coworker with a gaping hole in their chest drawing the attention of the nearby patrons. after arriving with their replacement, they began apologizing for their actions, hoping that law would spare them. 
as if he'd spared them after disrespecting you like that. so in front of the new server and all of the patrons watching law, pierced his sword right through their heart, killing them on the spot. the atmosphere in the restaurant completely chilled as everyone was shocked at the lifeless body on the ground while you and law remained unfazed.
“go on baby tell her what you wanted” and that's exactly what you did telling the new waitress who patiently waited for your next words about what you and law would be having that evening.
Sir. Crocodile
despite him being the leader of a wanted criminal group with a bounty of over one billion berries on his head, crocodile always finds the time to spoil you even when he isn't home. you'd wake up to mountains of gifts or a surprise solo trip to one of the summer islands. while being with him, you never had to ask or even lift a finger crocodile's always a step ahead, catering to your every need. 
as someone so used to being independent, dating someone like crocodile made you feel so fragile and princess-like. despite your initial barriers, you loved depending on him for simple things you could easily do on your own. like holding doors, planning dates, tying your shoes/putting on your heels, and choosing your meals. it’s been two years, and you’ve stopped reaching for doors and picking what to eat, always letting him do it. 
but what you loved the most was being able to spend quality time with him, something you couldn't do often due to his hectic "job." sometimes you'd go months without seeing him, so whenever you guys had that downtime, you cherished it.
he had just returned home after being away for a month, establishing a base in the south blue, and while he doesn't think it's something worth celebrating he knows you do. so, he made dinner reservations at one of the fanciest restaurants on the winter island. it was a pretty restaurant with an even prettier view, but despite the warm atmosphere you couldn't help but be bothered by the server's attitude.
while crocodile ordered you noticed the server's lust-filled gaze as they looked at him, but what bothered you wasn't her looking at him (you knew your man was fine) it was how she purposefully ignored your presence while doing so. for the sake of keeping peace, you don't call her out, planning to vent about it to him later.
after the server left crocodile got a call from mihawk and you figured it was urgent since mihawk never calls unless it was.
“i’ll be right back baby, just need to take this,” he said placing a small kiss on your forehead before leaving to take his call.
not long after, the server returns with your drinks with the same flirty smile that immediately drops the moment they noticed he was gone. 
“the sex must be real good if he’s willing to take someone like you here,” they mumbled disgust evident in their voice as they sized you up.
“and what? you think he’d bring someone like you here instead?” you asked. your tone and expression filled with mockery as you returned their heated gaze. it was clear they had expected their words to have a greater effect on your confidence not expecting you to have a sharp tongue.
“don’t get so cocky, i’m sure you're not the only one he’s seeing,” they said with a sneer, their voice rising slightly above the murmur of the restaurant unaware of the looming figure behind them.
while making his way back to your table crocodile had managed to catch the last bit of their words. he didn’t know what they were talking about or who started the argument and honestly he didn’t care. they had disrespected you and to him that good enough reason to kill them. without bothering to make his presence known, he snaps their neck earning a chorus of gasps from the horrified patrons as they watched the servers body drop dead on the floor. his expression unchanged, as he wordlessly looks around looking for the nearest worker, requesting a different table with a new server.
the manager rushes over, sweat beading on his forehead as he frantically apologize for the disturbance the dead server had caused. crocodile calmly hands him a wad of cash, enough to cover the meals of the entire restaurant for the night. "make it right," he instructed, his voice as smooth as the whiskey in his glass.
the man nodded fervently, snapping at his staff to clean up and move them to a different section. the murmurs grew louder as people whispered about what they had just witnessed. but crocodile's eyes remained on you, his hand reaching out to take yours. "you okay?" he asked his grip firm and reassuring.
“oh please,” you said rolling your eyes at his unnecessary worry. “as if her words could bother me. i know you’re all mine,” you said taking a sip from your wine and watching as his eyes narrowed slightly in amusement.
“damn right, i am,” his voice was a low growl sending a shiver down your spine, not one of fear but of excitement.
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One Piece Masterlist
having an idea is so much more fun then actually writing down that idea T~T plus i had no time to write these past couple of days due to school. (neuroscience has been kicking my ass).
also i hope i did the reader traits justice or at least done them properly (if not let me know so I can tweak it!)
anyways i hope you guys enjoyed this !! (wrote mini version for the usual people but i ran out of ideas so theres no part 2 :p)
and for those that sent requests i see you and i promise will get to them when i have time 😭😭
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lady-harrowhark · 2 months ago
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love that i posted this two days before getting hit with another unexpected $600 bill 🙃
listing stuff for resale online and i'm just... so tired of taking pictures. cropping pictures. taking measurements. weighing out postage. finding boxes. writing descriptions. i'm so tired.
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shdysders · 1 month ago
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too late
pairing: jenna ortega and reader
summary: in which, after weeks of hesitation, you finally decide to tell jenna the truth—only to realize she has plans of her own.
word count: 7.1k
warnings: sensitive topic - lung cancer
authors note: in honor of november being lung cancer awareness month.
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It began with a cough.
Not the kind that comes and goes with a cold or allergies, but one that lingered—sharp, persistent, and out of place.
At first, you brushed it off, chalking it up to stress or the changing seasons. But days turned into weeks, and instead of fading, it seemed to grow heavier, like it was pulling something deep from your chest.
You'd ignored it longer than you should have, convincing yourself it was nothing.
Jenna had even teased you about it once or twice, her laughter light and dismissive as she handed you a bottle of water and told you to "take better care of yourself." You'd laughed along with her, but deep down, something about it unsettled you.
When the pain started—a dull ache beneath your ribs every time you took a deep breath—you knew you couldn't ignore it anymore.
That's when you made the call.
The appointment came and went in a blur.
The doctor had been kind but direct, asking questions you couldn't answer with certainty. How long had the symptoms persisted? Had you noticed anything else? Fatigue, weight loss? You'd nodded at some points, shook your head at others, feeling like each response was pulling you further into a place you didn't want to be.
"We'll run some tests," they'd said, their tone neutral, almost too neutral. "Just to be safe."
You'd left the office that day with a sinking feeling you couldn't quite explain, like a storm cloud had settled just over your shoulders. But even then, you told yourself it was nothing.
It had to be.
When the call came, days later, their voice was calm but edged with something you couldn't place.
The voice on the other end, professional but cautious, had asked if you could come in—today. It wasn't a suggestion; it was an urgency wrapped in sterile politeness, and that was when it hit you—that it wasn't nothing.
The drive to the clinic had felt like an eternity. The silence in the car had been unbearable, but every time you'd reached for the radio, your hand had fallen back into your lap. Music felt too loud, too intrusive, as if it would force you to acknowledge the knot in your stomach that had been tightening since the moment you hung up the phone.
The streets blurred past you, familiar landmarks losing their meaning. All you could focus on was the road ahead and the gnawing thought that something was wrong—something worse than you wanted to admit. Your hands had gripped the steering wheel so tightly your knuckles turned white, and at one point, you'd realized you were holding your breath without meaning to.
By the time you'd pulled into the clinic's parking lot, your chest ached—not just from the persistent cough but from the weight of your anxiety.
You'd sat there for a moment, staring at the sliding glass doors, wondering if you could just... drive away. Pretend the call never happened. Pretend nothing was wrong.
But then you'd thought of Jenna. Her face had flashed in your mind—her smile, the way she always seemed to know when something was bothering you, even when you tried to hide it. You couldn't hide this forever, and if you didn't walk in now, it would only get worse.
The waiting room had been quiet, save for the soft hum of a fish tank in the corner and the occasional murmur of voices. You'd checked in at the front desk, the receptionist's cheery smile making your stomach twist, and then found a seat near the window.
The minutes stretched on.
There had been an older man across from you, his hands trembling slightly as he flipped through a magazine he clearly wasn't reading. Beside him, a woman with a scarf tied around her head stared at the floor, her expression distant.
You couldn't stop wondering about their stories—what they were going through, what battles they were silently fighting. Compared to them, your cough and aches felt trivial, like you didn't belong in this space.
You'd convinced yourself, even as you sat there, that you were wasting everyone's time. That whatever was happening to you couldn't possibly be as bad as what these people were enduring.
Maybe it had been an overreaction to come at all, you thought, even though you knew deep down that wasn't true.
When your name was finally called, your heart jumped into your throat. You stood, legs feeling unsteady beneath you, and followed the nurse down a hallway that smelled faintly of disinfectant and something metallic.
She'd led you to a small room and asked you to wait for the doctor, her smile kind but fleeting, as if she knew what was coming.
The seconds ticked by in excruciating silence. Your eyes had scanned the walls, landing on a framed picture of a mountain range, a feeble attempt to make the space feel less clinical. It didn't work.
When the door opened, Dr. Patel had stepped in, clipboard in hand, his face calm but serious. He'd greeted you with a nod, his usual warmth muted, and gestured for you to sit.
You'd perched on the edge of the chair, your hands clenching and unclenching in your lap. Dr. Patel had sat across from you, his gaze steady but unreadable as he placed the clipboard on the desk.
"I wanted to go over the results of your tests," he'd begun, his voice measured, like he was trying to soften the blow before it landed.
He'd turned his computer screen toward you, the image of a scan glowing faintly against the dim light of the room. He'd pointed to an area on the scan, circling it with the cursor as he explained the findings.
The words he used were clinical, detached, but you caught enough to piece it together. Something about nodules, abnormalities, and how the mass in question hadn't been there before.
And then he'd said it. The word you'd been avoiding, the one that made everything crash down around you.
Cancer.
You'd felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. For a moment, you couldn't breathe, couldn't think.
The word echoed in your mind, bouncing around like it didn't belong there. You'd stared at the scan, your eyes unfocused, as Dr. Patel continued to explain the next steps—biopsies, treatments, consultations—but his voice had become background noise.
You hadn't cried, not then. You'd just nodded numbly, your hands gripping the arms of the chair so tightly you thought they might snap. Your chest had tightened, the ache you'd been ignoring now unbearable, but you'd forced yourself to stay still.
When the appointment ended, you'd walked out of the clinic in a daze. The world outside had felt too bright, too normal, like nothing had changed when everything had.
You'd sat in your car for what felt like hours, staring at the steering wheel as the weight of it all pressed down on you. And for the first time, you'd thought about what this meant—not just for you, but for Jenna.
How would you even begin to tell her? How could you?
She was the person you turned to when things felt too heavy, the one who always knew how to make everything seem a little less impossible. But this time... this time felt different.
You'd closed your eyes, leaning your head back against the seat, trying to imagine how the conversation would go. You could see her face so clearly in your mind, the way her brows would furrow, her lips parting as she searched for the right words.
You could almost hear her voice, the way it would waver as she asked, "What does this mean? What do we do?"
And that's where your mind stalled—because you didn't have the answers.
You didn't know what it meant, not really, and you definitely didn't know what to do. The idea of seeing that kind of fear in her eyes, of being the reason her world tilted off its axis, made your stomach twist.
Then there was her work. Jenna had always been busy, but lately, it felt like the world was pulling her in a million directions at once.
She'd been running from set to set, juggling interviews, photo shoots, and endless calls with her team. You'd seen how tired she was, how she tried to hide it behind a bright smile whenever she came home, but you could see the strain in her eyes.
How could you add this to her plate?
The thought hit you like a punch to the gut, the realization settling in with a kind of brutal clarity. If you told her, it wouldn't just be your burden anymore—it would become hers, too. And that wasn't fair. Not when she already had so much to carry.
You'd opened your eyes, staring at the dashboard, trying to convince yourself that waiting wasn't the same as hiding. It wasn't like you were lying to her, not really.
You just needed time to figure things out, to understand what this meant and what came next. Maybe once you had more information, once you knew what the treatment would look like or what the prognosis was, it would be easier to tell her.
Or maybe that was just an excuse.
The truth, the part you didn't want to admit even to yourself, was that you were scared. Not just of the diagnosis, but of what it would do to her.
Jenna was strong—stronger than anyone you'd ever met—but this felt like too much, even for her. You couldn't bear the thought of seeing her break under the weight of it, of watching her world shift because of something you couldn't control.
And then there was the selfish part of you, the part that didn't want to see the pity in her eyes. You didn't want her to look at you differently, to start treating you like you were fragile or broken. You didn't want this to define you, not yet, not in her eyes.
So you'd made the decision, sitting there in the stifling silence of your car. You wouldn't tell her—not now, at least. You'd keep this to yourself, at least until you knew more, until you could figure out how to explain it without falling apart.
It wasn't an easy decision. In fact, it felt like the hardest thing you'd ever done. But as you sat there, the weight of it all pressing down on your chest, it felt like the only choice you had.
You thought that, for now, you'd carry this alone.
But after a while, things felt different.
The days had turned into weeks, and with each passing one, the weight of the secret grew heavier. It wasn't just the diagnosis itself; it was the way it bled into every part of your life, a shadow you couldn't shake.
And Jenna—she'd started noticing.
It was small things at first, things that were easy to dismiss or laugh off.
You'd caught her watching you more closely when you coughed, her brow creasing ever so slightly. "Maybe you should get that checked out," she'd said once, the words half-teasing but laced with genuine concern. You'd waved her off with a smile, promising it was nothing, but the look in her eyes had lingered.
Then there were the nights when you'd felt too drained to do much of anything. Jenna had curled up beside you on the couch, her hand brushing against yours as she asked, "Are you feeling okay? You've seemed... tired lately."
You'd blamed it on work, on stress, on anything but the truth, and she'd let it go—though not without a small frown tugging at her lips.
The tipping point had come a few nights ago, when you'd caught her staring at you in the mirror.
You'd been brushing your teeth, the rhythmic sound filling the quiet bathroom, when you noticed her reflection watching yours. "You've lost weight," she'd said softly, her voice more curious than accusatory.
"I haven't noticed," you'd lied, avoiding her gaze.
She'd hesitated, her arms crossing over her chest as she leaned against the doorframe. "Maybe we should book a check-up or something," she'd suggested, her tone light but her eyes serious.
You'd shrugged it off again, changing the subject, but the way her gaze lingered on you made it clear she wasn't convinced.
And that's what finally pushed you to make the decision. You couldn't keep brushing her off, couldn't keep pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn't.
She was already worried, even if she didn't fully realize it yet. And sooner or later, she was going to piece things together on her own.
So when she told you she finally had a night free—no calls, no meetings, no obligations—you decided it was time.
The two of you had been planning this date for weeks, trying to carve out time amidst the chaos of her schedule. It wasn't anything extravagant, just dinner at your favorite little spot downtown, but it felt significant in a way you couldn't quite explain.
You told yourself it was the right moment, that you couldn't keep putting this off. You didn't know where this illness would take you next or how much time you had before the symptoms became impossible to hide. The coughs were more frequent now, the fatigue harder to mask. It was only a matter of time before Jenna noticed something you couldn't explain away.
This wasn't how you'd wanted to tell her—not like this, over a quiet dinner on what should've been a happy night. But you didn't see another choice. You couldn't keep lying to her, and you couldn't bear the thought of her finding out some other way.
As you got ready for the evening, the weight of the decision settled over you, heavy but resolute. You weren't sure how you were going to say it or what words you'd use, but you knew it had to be now.
Tonight, you'd tell her.
You'd been rehearsing the words in your head all day, trying to prepare yourself for what felt impossible to say.
But now, sitting in the car, you couldn't ignore the way the air seemed heavier, weighed down by something you couldn't name, and Jenna—Jenna wasn't herself.
She'd been trying to act normal, you could tell. Humming along to the radio, her fingers drumming against the steering wheel like she always did, glancing over at you every so often with what you guessed was meant to be a reassuring smile.
But there was a tension in her movements, a stiffness that wasn't usually there.
It was subtle, barely noticeable if you weren't paying attention. But you were paying attention.
Her hands gripped the wheel a little tighter than usual, her knuckles pale against the leather.
Her gaze lingered too long on the road ahead, as if she was focusing on anything but you. The way she adjusted the air conditioning, even though it didn't need it, or fiddled with her bracelet, slipping it up and down her wrist—these weren't things Jenna usually did.
Your chest felt tight, and not from the illness.
Had she figured it out? Had she found something—a paper you'd forgotten to throw away, maybe, or a note scrawled hastily with an appointment reminder? You'd been so careful, but the thought that you'd slipped up sent a sharp pang of anxiety through you.
You replayed everything in your head, scanning for mistakes, for signs. She hadn't said anything outright, but that only made it worse. If she had found something, she wouldn't confront you about it—not Jenna. No, she'd let it fester, trying to give you space, trying not to pry. But that didn't mean she wouldn't act differently.
And she was acting differently.
Even the silence between you felt louder than it should have, thick and charged with something unspoken. You'd always been able to sit comfortably with her in quiet moments, sharing space without the need to fill it. But this wasn't that. This was an entirely different kind of silence, one that pressed down on you like a weight you couldn't shrug off.
Your mind raced, chasing every possible scenario. Maybe she'd pieced it together herself, noticed more than you thought. Jenna wasn't oblivious.
She'd seen you brush off dinner more often than not, heard the cough that hadn't gone away, seen how you'd flinched the other day when she wrapped her arms around your ribs from behind. She'd even asked, once or twice, if everything was okay.
"You're sure you're fine?" she'd said a few nights ago, her brows knitting together in concern as you forced down a glass of water to stop the coughing fit. You'd laughed, waved her off, told her you'd been pushing yourself too hard at work.
And maybe she'd believed you. Or maybe she hadn't.
The thought gnawed at you as you stared out the window, the glow of passing streetlights streaking across your vision.
You turned to look at her, and for a moment, she felt impossibly far away. She was still Jenna, your Jenna, but there was a distance now, something fragile and strange sitting between you. Her profile was calm, unreadable, her lips pressed into a line that wasn't quite a frown but wasn't a smile, either.
You tried to convince yourself that you were imagining things, that your own guilt and nerves were making you see something that wasn't there. But deep down, you couldn't shake the feeling.
When she finally pulled into the restaurant parking lot and shifted the car into park, she sat there for a moment, her hands still on the wheel.
"You okay?" she asked, her voice steady but quieter than usual.
"Yeah," you answered quickly, too quickly. "You?"
"Of course," she said, the words slipping out a fraction too fast.
Her smile came next, bright but brittle, like it might crack if you looked at it too closely. And as she turned away, unbuckling her seatbelt and reaching for her purse, you caught a glimpse of something in her eyes—hesitation, maybe, or something close to it.
You didn't know what it meant, but it lingered, heavy in your chest, as the two of you made your way inside.
The restaurant was warm and softly lit, the kind of place where the low hum of conversation mixed with the faint clink of silverware on plates. You'd picked it because it was one of your usual spots—familiar, comfortable, with memories stitched into every corner. But tonight, none of that comfort seemed to settle in.
You couldn't stop picturing how the night might unfold, how Jenna might react once you finally told her. Would she cry? Would she be mad—at you, at the world, at herself for not noticing sooner? Would she try to fix it, as if sheer determination could somehow erase what was already happening?
The thought of her being mad was the one that stuck, looping endlessly in your mind. Would she think you'd waited too long to tell her?
Or worse, would she be upset that you'd told her at all, that you'd burdened her with something so heavy when her life was already so full?
You could see it so clearly—her soft features hardening, her voice laced with frustration as she asked why you hadn't come to her sooner. Why you hadn't trusted her enough.
You swallowed hard, trying to keep your nerves from spiraling further out of control. But it didn't help that Jenna was acting off. You'd been together for two and a half years—long enough to notice when something wasn't right. And tonight, something definitely wasn't right.
She was trying, you'd give her that. She smiled when the waiter brought the menus, chatted with him about the specials like she always did, and even reached across the table to brush her fingers lightly over yours. But her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, and her touches felt more like a distraction than a comfort.
When the waiter came back to take your drink orders, she didn't hesitate. "A glass of the house red," she said, her voice steady, almost automatic.
You were about to do the same—it was your thing, after all. A little tradition you'd fallen into on dates like this. But the doctor's voice echoed in your mind: Avoid alcohol, caffeine, anything that might add strain. So instead, you said, "I'll just have a Diet Coke, please."
Jenna's head snapped up, her brows knitting together as she looked at you. "No wine?" she asked, her tone light but curious. "Since when do you skip wine?"
You scrambled for an excuse, heat rushing to your face as you waved it off. "Just... not feeling it tonight. Wanted something lighter."
Her eyes lingered on you for a moment, like she didn't quite believe you but wasn't going to press the issue. "Alright," she said, leaning back in her chair. But there was a flicker of something in her expression—confusion, maybe, or concern. You couldn't tell.
As she turned her attention back to the menu, you tried to steady your breathing, but your chest felt tight. You knew she noticed things, little things, even when you thought you'd been careful. And now you couldn't help but wonder if she was piecing them together in real time, one by one, until the truth clicked into place.
You looked down at your hands, twisting the napkin in your lap as the nerves swirled in your stomach.
You weren't sure how much longer you could keep this up—pretending everything was fine, acting like tonight was just another date. Because it wasn't. And you weren't sure how to tell her that without everything breaking apart.
And still, you couldn't shake the feeling that she already knew.
But you tried to keep the conversation going, forcing yourself to focus on Jenna and not on the crushing weight of your own nerves.
She talked about work, the projects she was excited for, the roles she'd recently turned down. You asked questions, nodded at all the right times, even laughed softly when she mentioned something funny one of her co-stars had done. But the way she was looking at you—it made it impossible to relax.
Her gaze was soft, too soft, like she was trying to protect you with just her eyes.
There was a sympathy there, gentle and unspoken, that only made your stomach churn harder. Did she already know? Had she pieced it all together? The thought gnawed at you, turning every word you said into an effort just to keep up the act.
By the time the food arrived, you were too nervous to eat. The plate in front of you looked like it belonged to someone else—steaming, perfectly plated, entirely untouched.
You picked at it, moving the food around your plate, but your appetite had vanished. Every nerve in your body was screaming, the weight of what you were about to say threatening to crush you.
You didn't understand why. You loved Jenna. You loved her more than you could ever put into words.
She was the reason you smiled when you didn't feel like it, the reason your laughter didn't sound hollow. She was the first person you thought about when you woke up and the last one before you fell asleep. She was your person.
And that's why you had to tell her.
You told yourself that over and over again. This wasn't just about you. Jenna deserved to know. If there was anyone you wanted to be the first to hear, it was her.
Not a friend, not a family member—Jenna. Because no matter how terrifying this was, no matter how much it hurt, she was the one who deserved to know the truth.
You tried to convince yourself that it didn't matter how she'd react, that you'd find a way to deal with whatever came next. Whether she stayed, whether she left, whether she cursed you out for not telling her sooner—it didn't matter.
This illness was a part of you now. There was no escaping it, no undoing it, no pretending it wasn't there. And if Jenna didn't want to stay, you'd have to accept that, too. But you couldn't let her find out some other way. You had to be the one to tell her, no matter how hard it was.
A little while into the dinner, you glanced up from your untouched plate, the words balanced precariously on the tip of your tongue. You were going to tell her. Right now.
But then you noticed Jenna again. She was fiddling with the edge of her napkin, her fingers smoothing and crumpling it over and over.
She hadn't touched her wine glass in minutes, though she'd ordered it with enthusiasm. And when she wasn't fidgeting with the napkin, she was twisting her bracelet up and down her wrist or tapping her nails lightly against the table.
Her nervousness was palpable, radiating off her in waves. And it made you pause.
She looked like she already knew. Like she was bracing herself for something—maybe for you to say it out loud. The realization only made your own nerves spike higher, your throat tightening as you tried to steady yourself.
What if she was waiting for this moment? What if she'd guessed and had been dreading it ever since? It was impossible to tell, but the thought made the words stick in your throat, suddenly too heavy to push out.
You took a shaky breath, gripping the edge of the table to ground yourself, but the question remained, lingering in your mind like a storm cloud: Did she already know.
The silence between you was thick and unyielding, like a barrier you couldn't push through. You stared at your untouched plate, willing yourself to speak, to just get it over with. Your heart hammered in your chest, each beat echoing in your ears, and you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something vast and terrifying.
Just say it, you told yourself. You've rehearsed this a hundred times. Just say it.
But the words didn't come.
Your throat felt dry, the air between you charged with everything unsaid. And then, in that fragile quiet, you finally opened your mouth, the beginnings of your confession trembling on your lips.
"I—"
You barely got the first sound out before Jenna interrupted you.
"I need to talk to you about something."
Her voice cut through the moment like a sharp blade, and your eyes snapped up to meet hers. She froze, realizing she'd interrupted, her brow furrowing in apology.
"Sorry," she said quickly, her hands lifting slightly as if to physically backpedal. "You go first."
The tension in her expression, the nervous energy radiating off her, should've made you more anxious. But instead, you felt a wave of relief so profound it nearly knocked the breath out of you.
You didn't want to say it.
You didn't want to tell her, to put it into words, to make it real. Because once you said it out loud, there'd be no going back.
The illness that had already seeped into every corner of your life, consuming your thoughts and your body, would become something undeniable. And it wasn't just your burden anymore—it would become hers, too.
So you nodded quickly, your voice barely above a whisper. "No, it's okay. You go."
Jenna hesitated, her eyes scanning yours as if to make sure you meant it. Then, with a small, almost imperceptible sigh, she shifted in her seat, her fingers tangling together in her lap.
You watched her, noticing for the first time how truly nervous she looked. Her hands moved constantly, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve, twisting her bracelet, pressing her palms flat against her thighs.
For a fleeting moment, your mind latched onto something completely irrational: Was she going to propose?
The thought felt absurd, but it burrowed into your brain anyway. The way she was avoiding eye contact, the way her fingers clasped and unclasped like she was gripping something small—it all seemed so... deliberate. Like she was holding onto something important.
You could almost picture it: a velvet box, hidden in her jacket pocket, the hinge creaking as she opened it to reveal something glittering and perfect. Her nervousness would make sense then. Proposing was a big deal, a life-changing moment, and Jenna would want to get it exactly right.
It had to be that. Maybe it was wishful thinking, your mind scrambling for anything to distract you from your own nerves, but for a second, you almost let yourself believe it.
Then Jenna spoke, and it all came crashing down.
She didn't look at you right away. Her gaze dropped to her lap, where her hands were still fidgeting, and she swallowed hard before starting. "I've been thinking about this for a while," she said softly, her voice barely audible over the hum of the restaurant.
Your stomach dropped.
Her words were slow, halting, like she was trying to choose them carefully but wasn't quite sure how. She glanced up at you briefly, her eyes heavy with something you couldn't place—sympathy, maybe, or regret—before looking down again.
"It's just..." She paused, exhaling shakily. "With everything going on—with my career, and the projects, and traveling all the time... it's a lot. And I know it's not fair to you."
You didn't respond. You couldn't.
"I'm barely home," she continued, her voice trembling slightly. "And when I am, I'm... distracted. By work, by everything I have to do. I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in a million different directions, and no matter how hard I try, I can't... I can't give you the time or attention you deserve."
Her hands tightened in her lap, her knuckles pale against her skin. She looked up at you again, forcing herself to meet your gaze even though it clearly took effort.
"You've been so patient with me," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "So understanding, even when I didn't deserve it. And I hate that. I hate that I've let things get to this point, where I feel like I'm failing you."
She gulped, her Adam's apple bobbing as she struggled to steady herself. "I've been thinking about this for a long time," she repeated, almost as if she was trying to convince herself now.
The words hung heavy between you, suffocating in their weight.
"I just... I think it's for the best if we—if we break up."
The final words came out like a whisper, but they might as well have been a shout. They echoed in your head, over and over, until they drowned out everything else.
She was still looking at you, her expression raw and vulnerable, waiting for you to say something—anything. But you couldn't.
Because in that moment, it felt like the ground had opened up beneath you, pulling you into a freefall you couldn't escape.
For a moment, you couldn't even process what she'd said. It didn't feel real, couldn't feel real. The restaurant around you blurred into nothing—voices faded into static, the clinking of plates and glasses became a distant hum. All you could hear was the sound of her words echoing in your mind.
Break up.
You blinked, and suddenly your throat was tight, your chest heavy, and your vision stung with tears threatening to spill over. You tried to swallow, but it felt like there was a lump lodged in your throat, growing bigger with every second of silence that passed.
All you could manage was a quiet, broken, "Oh."
It was barely a sound, barely anything at all, but it carried everything. All the confusion, the hurt, the disbelief—it was packed into that one syllable that trembled out of you. And the moment it escaped, you felt like you were collapsing from the inside out.
Your hands trembled slightly as they rested on your lap, and you clenched them into fists to steady yourself.
But it didn't work. Your chest felt like it was caving in, your stomach churning violently as if you were going to be sick. You suddenly felt more ill than you'd ever felt before, like every bit of strength you had left was being drained out of you all at once.
You blinked again, and a tear slid down your cheek before you even realized you were crying.
Jenna didn't look away.
Her gaze stayed locked on you, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, and that only made it worse. It made your chest tighten further, your throat burn hotter. Because why was she crying? Why was she crying?
If she thought this was the right thing to do, if she believed that breaking up was the solution, then why did she look like she was on the verge of breaking, too?
The thought stirred something sharp and bitter in your chest—something close to anger.
You didn't want to be angry, not at her. You loved her more than anything, more than yourself, more than anything you'd ever known in this world. But in that moment, it bubbled up anyway, unbidden and ugly.
How could she say this was for the best and look like she was about to cry? How could she sit there, tearing you apart with her words, and act like she felt guilty about it? Like she didn’t want to do this but was doing it anyway.
If she didn't want to do it, then why was she?
Your hands unclenched, trembling as you wiped hastily at your face, trying to erase the tears that kept coming. But it was no use. They kept falling, hot and relentless, leaving tracks down your cheeks that you couldn't hide, even if you tried.
"Okay," you whispered, though it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. But you didn't have anything else to say. Your mind felt blank, empty except for the deafening echo of her words and the ache that spread through your chest like wildfire.
Your lips parted like you were about to say more, but nothing came out. There was so much you wanted to ask, to scream, to cry, but the weight of it all held you frozen. You could only sit there, staring at her through the blur of your tears, wondering how it had come to this.
Why now? Why like this? Why, after everything you'd been through together, was this the moment it all fell apart?
Your heart felt like it was breaking, splintering into a million pieces you didn't know how to put back together.
You stared at her, searching her face for something—anything—that might explain this, that might soften the blow. But all you saw was sadness and guilt and resolve. And that, more than anything, made you feel like you might throw up.
You didn't know how to respond—what could you say? Everything felt so wrong, so heavy, and all you could do was sit there, your throat too tight to speak, your heart too shattered to form words.
And Jenna, maybe out of nervousness or guilt—or both—began to ramble again. Her voice was softer now, tinged with a slight tremor, like she was trying to steady herself but couldn't quite manage it.
"I—I've just been thinking about this a lot," she said, her words spilling out in a way that didn't quite connect. "With... everything. My work, how busy it's been, and I don't know. I've been trying to figure it out, and it's like—like maybe it's just too much."
Her fingers fidgeted in her lap, twisting her rings and pressing into her palm as if she could ground herself that way.
Her gaze flicked up to you, then away, then back again. She looked like she was searching for something—understanding, forgiveness, anything—but couldn't seem to hold your eyes for more than a second at a time.
"It's not that I don't care," she added quickly, almost desperately, her words tripping over themselves. "You know I do. You know I care about you so much, and that's why—" She stopped mid-sentence, pressing her lips together hard, her brows furrowing like she didn't know how to finish the thought.
Her voice was uneven when she started again. "I just—everything's so complicated right now. With filming, with traveling, and—and I feel like..." Her words faltered again, and she let out a shaky breath, her shoulders sagging as if the weight of her own thoughts was too much.
Her sentences were fragmented, scattered, like she didn't fully know how to explain herself. It wasn't an argument, wasn't a definitive declaration—it was just... messy.
And that made it worse.
Because nothing she was saying felt concrete, nothing felt like a real reason. It was all just vague, unfinished thoughts that left you sitting there, trying to piece together what she actually meant. Trying to figure out if she even knew what she was saying.
Jenna swallowed hard, her throat bobbing as she glanced down at her lap again. "I don't know how else to say it," she murmured, almost to herself, her voice barely audible.
But that didn't make it any clearer.
All you could do was sit there, still frozen, still unable to speak, as she rambled on, her words tangling together in a way that felt more like she was trying to convince herself than explain anything to you.
And it felt like every word she said was chipping away at something inside you, leaving you raw and exposed and aching.
You couldn't even process the idea of why she was doing this, because she wasn't giving you a reason—she was just... saying things. Vague, messy things that didn't feel like they added up to anything but heartbreak.
"What were you going to say?" She asked, clearly getting the point of her rambling not helping anybody at the table. You felt your stomach twist violently. Her tone was soft, hesitant, like she was trying to patch the cracks she'd just shattered into existence, but it only made everything worse.
You stared at her, your heart thudding heavily in your chest. Was she serious? Did she really think she could just ask that now—after everything—and act like it hadn't happened? Like you weren't sitting here, choking on the weight of her words, trying to make sense of it all?
You couldn't believe it. And yet, part of you could. This was so her—to try and smooth it all over, to shove the pieces of normalcy back into place even when it was painfully obvious they didn't fit anymore. But you could see it in her face, in the way her lips trembled and her eyes flicked nervously over your expression. She knew it wasn't working. She knew this was ridiculous.
Still, you couldn't answer right away. Because, what could you even say?
What you were going to say—what you needed to say—wasn't something you could tell her now. Not after this. Not after she'd sat across from you and torn everything apart, leaving you to sit here, raw and exposed, trying to make sense of her fragmented reasoning.
You couldn't tell her. You couldn't tell her that you were sick. Because now it would look like a desperate attempt to make her stay, to guilt her into taking it all back. And that was the last thing you wanted.
No—more than that, it would make it real. Actually real. Saying the words out loud, to her of all people, in this moment, would make it something you couldn't take back. And you weren't ready for that. You weren't ready for any of it.
"It was nothing," you muttered, your voice flat and quiet, barely recognizable as your own. You stared at the table, refusing to meet her eyes, because the weight of her gaze was too much to bear. "Just... nothing important."
You hoped she'd leave it at that, though you could tell from the way her expression softened into something unbearably sympathetic that she didn't believe you. She was probably going to ask again, probably going to try to dig deeper, but you couldn't give her more. Not now. Not like this.
She didn't press you for more, but the silence that followed felt louder than anything she could have said. You didn't look at her, didn't dare, because you knew what you'd see—concern, confusion, maybe even guilt—and you couldn't take it. Not after everything.
You tried to focus on the table in front of you, the half-empty glass of soda that had gone warm, the plate of untouched food that suddenly felt miles away. But your mind wouldn't stop racing.
This wasn't how you'd imagined it. None of it.
All the words you'd rehearsed, the courage you'd spent all day building, the carefully planned moment—it was gone now, swept away like it had never existed. And no matter how much you wanted to, no matter how desperately you wished you could take it all back, it was too late.
Too late to say what you'd come here to say. Too late to stop what she'd said instead. Too late to fix whatever had been shattered between you tonight.
And now, you'd have to face it all alone.
The waiting rooms. The cold sterility of hospital walls. The appointments that stretched on longer than the days themselves. You'd prepared yourself for those things, or at least tried to, but you'd never prepared for doing it without her.
You couldn't blame her. You wouldn't. But that didn't make it hurt any less.
You swallowed hard, willing the tears to stay put, and reached for your glass, if only to give your hands something to do. The carbonation fizzed on your tongue, sharp and bitter, but you barely tasted it.
And as Jenna's gaze lingered on you, hesitant and uncertain, you told yourself the same thing you'd been trying to believe all night.
You would be fine. You had to be.
Because now, it was too late to say otherwise.
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millersfinest · 1 month ago
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can u make some like generic dating ellie headcannons? (tlou universe preferably)
i love ur writing sm!!
dating ellie williams ◡̈
cw: usual fluff, mentioned love languages, mention of joel’s death (i wanted to be as canon as possible), a little nsfw but nothing too crazy.
note: here are some semi-ooc ellie hc’s!! i feel like im so bad at headcanons, but here you go. thank you for enjoying my work, i hope you like this too pookie!
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ellie! is a total introvert to her core, so no matter how she found out about you taking interest in her… she’d probably need some time to think about it.
ellie! would have you freaking tf out over it too. but she means well, she’s just a really bad over-thinker—never wanting to say the wrong thing. but she’d come around and never stop apologizing to you.
ellie! would take a little while to open up to you, if you weren’t friends first. she’s been through a lot in her life, and she fears that her trauma could scare people away.
now, if you were already friends (specifically close friends), you probably would’ve already known her deepest darkest secrets and feelings by the time you started dating. every traumatic event and every fixation she’s had since she was a child.
ellie! thoroughly believes in physical touch and quality time as a love language.
for physical touch: it doesn’t always have to be sexual (she doesn’t complain either way), she just likes to touch you—knowing you’re right there next to her. you could be doing the dishes and she’d come up behind you, leaning her head on your shoulder, with her hands delicately placed on your hips. or standing by the bar at the tipsy bison, with her fingers dipped into any of the pockets of your jeans. keeping you close.
for quality time: she does love her moments alone, but they’re always better with you somewhere near by. sometimes, when she would spend hours painting or drawing in her art room, she’d ask if you could come sit in. so you’d bring your book, or whatever you were doing, and read silently in the same room as her. while a smooth record played in the background. but sometimes, she doesn’t even ask. you could be doing the most boring thing ever, and she’d float around you like a curious bumblebee.
ellie! love, love, loves being babied—even though she’d never admit it. she has a reputation to uphold, of course. during the spring, due to the patrols and supply runs, her allergies would wreck havoc on her. that’s where you come in to nurture her back to health. she’d have tissue stuck up her nose, with her head lying in your lap on the couch. you rubbing your hand over her hair, soothingly.
“if you kiss me right now, i think my sinuses will re-open.”
“ellie, you just sneezed two minutes ago.”
“baby, pleaseeeee! i need it!” and she’d give the craziest puppy dog eyes known to man. and, of course, you’d give in. giving her the sweetest smooch ever. it didn’t open her sinuses, but she knew that. just know… she’s gonna convince you to give her another to be sure.
another scenario would be coming home after a long day at work (idk i feel like doing patrols would be like her main thing). she probably had a rough day with the lingering infected, and came back with a few injuries. the moment she stepped through the door, she’d be calling for you. wrapped in your arms, smelling like the outdoors, you’d slowly undress her and then run a bath. she loved when you’d cater to her in that way—cleaning her cuts, washing her skin from dried blood and dirt. after all that, you’d cuddle in bed, pillow-talking until her eyes shut before yours.
“goodnight, els.” smooch.
ellie! was a little iffy when it came to holidays, but when it came to your birthday it was a special affair. jackson was a healthy and happy little bubble, but because the idea of loss wasn’t foreign to her—celebrating her loved ones was very important to her.
if you didn’t like grand gestures, she’d keep it lowkey. maybe throwing a little surprise for the two of you at home; cooking you dinner, having a movie night, and giving you little trinkets she found on the road. or painting something for you in secret, then giving it to you as a gift.
speaking of cooking…
ellie! has thing for making good food. a part of me feels like joel put her on when she was young, and after he died (yeah, i’m sorry) she made an effort to keep it up. playing guitar was much harder for her since she only had two fingers and a thumb on her left hand—so she decided to pick up something else to stay close to him.
so every chance she can get, she cooks for you or both of you. when you would go on patrols, you’d make sure to pick up cook books from before the outbreak since she found them so fascinating. and you loved being her little food guinea pig. spoiler: she was a fast learner so her cooking skills were pretty good.
ellie! 100% taught you to play the song (that we all know and love) that joel taught her on the guitar. and whenever you knew she needed to hear it, you’d play it for her. and, i swear on everything, there’d be tears in her eyes every time.
and for some freaky stuff… (i won’t get into crazy detail but i just wanna be thorough ;D)
ellie! just loves loving you… making love to you—doing everything that she can to almost prove that you’re everything to her (not that she needs to but she does it anyway).
meaning: at the very best, she’s a service!top. however, i can get behind her being a switch/verse (or maybe i’m bias lmao).
ellie! probably wouldn’t strap as often as the fanfics show. especially being in this apocalyptic world—where would you get them?? if they weren’t hella old… and, i feel like she’d think they were a little silly (but if you wanted to try it, she’d oblige because what you say goes).
ellie! loves to watch the expressions of your features contort into visuals of pleasure. it’s how she knew she was being good for you—doing everything that you asked but better!
your first time: of course she was super awkward. not really knowing where to put her hands at first. but once the heat began to rise, and your bodies began to press together, her entire energy changed! she’s her most confident when she’s in service to someone (in some way)—so she makes it her prerogative to make you feel good and comfortable. you weren’t really expecting that from her, though. it only took one airy moan coming from your lips for her to completely flip the script.
her hands were firmly delicate, and she made sure to be very vocal in your ears and over your body.
overall, ellie williams is a very attentive lover. in many ways than just one.
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literary-lesbo · 10 months ago
Text
𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵
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ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴜᴘ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀꜱ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏɴ ᴘɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ
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𝘏𝘶𝘳𝘵/𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵
♡ "can you please come get me?"
♡ "hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself"
♡ "no, don't cry, I hate it when you cry"
♡ "you look sad"
♡ "oh god, you're bleeding"
♡ "I could just use a hug"
♡ "don't touch me"
♡ "it's okay, just breathe"
♡ "I'll stay for as long as you need"
♡ "you can trust me"
♡ "can I touch you? is that okay?"
♡ "you don't need to apologize, ever"
♡ "hey, hey, you're alright! it's okay, just calm down"
♡ "shh, shh, you're okay now"
♡ "here, hold my hand"
♡ "there's no shame in crying, I promise"
♡ "are you crying?"
♡ "you are what's important right now"
♡ "I've got nowhere else to be"
♡ "I'm at the hospital"
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𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵
♡ "I don't want to die"
♡ "I was only using you"
♡ "stay away from me"
♡ "why am I always your second choice?"
♡ "we almost made it"
♡ "leave I don't want to see you"
♡ "why are you helping a monster?"
♡ "I'm barely holding on"
♡ "can I leave now?"
♡ "I guess that's just how little I meant to you"
♡ "I just want to know you care about me"
♡ "stop looking at me like I'm damaged goods"
♡ "there's no us and there never was"
♡ "you deserve so much better"
♡ "don't do this here"
♡ "am I too late?"
♡ "say something, just fucking say something"
♡ "I know. I know I wasn't enough. I always did"
♡ "I did care, I used to care"
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𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧
♡ "shh, stop fussing. I'm just braiding your hair"
♡ "can I borrow your sweater? it smells like you"
♡ "you're my new pillow"
♡ "I'll be here to protect you"
♡ "it's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway"
♡ "you make me so happy"
♡ "aww, you're blushing"
♡ "wait...is this a date?"
♡ "can I kiss you?"
♡ "I'm glad you came"
♡ "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"
♡ "thank you for being her for me"
♡ "you're so pretty when you first wake up"
♡ "I want you to stay, please"
♡ "dance with me"
♡ "your eyes are so pretty"
♡ "is someone sleepy?"
♡ "can I kiss you?"
♡ "you're so warm"
♡ "this/these are my favorite"
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��𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘧𝘪𝘤
♡ “you’re sure I’m sick?  ‘cause I feel fine”
♡  “I really cannot be sick right now”
♡  “everyone gets colds.  I’ll live”
♡  “I really hope this is just my allergies”
♡  “stop thinking so loud; my head hurts”
♡ "I'm scared"
♡ "I can't even talk properly"
♡  "I feel like I'm letting everyone down"
♡ "you're making a big deal out of nothing"
♡ "I'm so tired..."
♡ "no, you're not fine. you're burning up”
♡ "you need to rest. I'll stay here with you until you feel better"
♡ “just let me take care of you"
♡ "here, take my blanket”
♡ “I’ll make some tea”
♡ “you're in no condition to go anywhere”
♡ “just rest and let your body fight this off"
♡ “take this medicine, please"
♡ "I'm here now”
♡ "right now, the only person you need to help is yourself”
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luveline · 11 months ago
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You said you might need ideas for stripper reader! And Spencer and well….
Post Prison Spencer coming home and just being so afraid to touch reader (what if he hurts her?), to take his shirt off in front of reader (the scars - the bruises that didn’t fade, the lost weight) and afraid to tell you about the drugs/what happened because what if you leave and stripper!reader just being like “I love you”, ya know?
No worries if you aren’t interested in this though!!! Love all your works 💕
thank you for your request angel!
—Spencer’s reluctant to touch you in the week he’s released from prison, and you just wanna know why. stripper!reader, 1k
“I don’t like when you stretch like that.” 
“Too provocative?” you ask in a murmur.
“Too painful looking. Does it hurt?” 
You lay on your back with your legs underneath you, having initially been kneeling, but now lowered with your shoulders touching hardwood. It used to hurt more, but dancing requires limberness. Though you aren’t sure you’ll be dancing much longer. 
You hold your hands out for him to help you up. Cruel, he ignores you, sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee curled in his nice hands. “That’s not nice,” you say. 
“Sorry.” He crosses his legs. “I just don’t want you to pull something.” 
“This is so I don’t pull something.” 
“You’re not dancing tonight,” he says. Not demanding, just stating a fact. You haven’t been to the club once in the week since Spencer came home, and you’ve no plans yet to return. 
“I’m going to give you a lap dance.”
Spencer laughs. You’ve known one another a long time now and you’ve never given him one. He’s never asked, and you’ve never wanted to. There’s not much fun in it, maybe, because it’s work, and you associate it with needing things, and selfish hands. 
You get up, holding his gaze as you stand in front of him. He thinks you don’t notice, but Spencer Reid is reluctant to touch you lately and it’s breaking your heart, so you aren’t going to give him a lap dance, but you do need to get close to him. 
“Can I sit in your lap?” you ask quietly. 
Spencer might not want to touch you of his own volition, but he’s yet to deny you something you want. He holds out an arm, his hand a beckoning as you climb into his lap, or over if. You put one knee on one side of him and one knee the other, thighs spread, careful not to press on anything too soft. His lips turn up into a frantic smile. It’s sort of funny, the panic you’d see on men who clearly aren’t used to being touched, but it has a strange thread to it that unnerves you. He’s your boyfriend. He’s very in love with you, he talks of marriage often, he’s begged you to move in. Why is he reluctant to be near you now? 
“Have you changed your mind?” you ask. 
Even as you do his hand is settling on your hip like he can’t help himself. He sounds guilty as he asks, “About what?” 
“‘Bout me.” 
“I could never change my mind about you, I wouldn’t want to,” he says. 
His eyes feel huge when he’s looking at you like this, brown and dark pupil mixed together, expression finally cleared of shame and replaced with a tenderness you’d never seen aimed at you until you met him. You pull one of his curls between your fingers. It isn’t enough. You bury your hand in his hair and hold it out of his face, in love and allowed to be. You can’t believe you had to go almost three whole months without him. 
“Why do you think I did?” he asks. 
“Come on, you know why. You’re acting like you’ve developed a sudden allergy to me.” 
“No,” he says, leaning into your touch. “Is that what’s happening?” 
“Is it… me? Like, I don’t know. Did you have a prison girlfriend?” 
“It’s not like that,” he says with a little laugh, pulling you closer in his lap. Your back arches under his hand, your faces inching closer. 
“It feels like it is, though, Spence. You were gone for so long and you’re acting like you didn’t miss me, and maybe I’m full of myself but I know you did so it has to be something else.” You give his cheek a squeeze, his lips pouting. 
You’d kiss him, usually. 
“I just don’t wanna hurt you,” he says, eyes on your nose. “Again. I don’t think I have it in me.” 
“No, you don’t, and you’ve never hurt me before.” 
He smiles and closes his eyes. “Just left you all by yourself for months while I was on vacation…” 
You’re not quite laughing as you lean down for a small, careful kiss. “That wasn’t your fault,” you say against his lips. 
“I made stupid decisions.” 
“I make them all the time.” 
You kiss him again. He’s relaxing now, you wouldn’t kiss him otherwise, though you can tell he doesn’t know what to do with you like this. “You’re not that out of practice, are you?” you ask, letting your lips follow a trail of their own volition up his cheek. He’s fun to kiss, soft, though not as soft as he was, and your chapstick leaves little kiss prints all over his pale cheek. 
“Spencer, you know I love you? Like, I really love you.” 
“I know.” 
“And nothing you do, nothing that happens to you, could make me stop.” You lift his face by the cheek. “Right?” 
He bats your hand away from his cheek and takes your face into his palms, as if to say, Stop it, I get it. He looks good like this with his scrub of stubble and a bit of confidence about him. “I don’t know what I did to get so lucky with you,” he says, pulling you in, squishing his nose to yours. 
You cover his wrists with your hands and close your eyes. 
He saved you a bunch of times. “You have a very selective memory when you want it to be,” you say gently. “But you can tell me anything. Everything that happened, I want to know. Please, Spence.” Stop carrying it around by yourself.
He nods his head, you can feel it against your nose, his breath on your lips as he says, “Don’t say please.”
“Okay.” You grin. “Is that the only rule?” 
His hand sneaks around to the back of your neck. “Stay where you are,” he murmurs, his lips dragging down to yours. 
You melt in his arms. 
my requests are wide open! please like or reblog / reply if you enjoyed, i hope u did!!❤️
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