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absolutepokemontrash · 3 years ago

Note

I come bearing a request! The Brothers with an MC who's really good at cooking and baking? Like, the stuff food blogs dream of. Master-level instagram pastries. Could compete with the chocolate guy if they put their mind to it.

👀 ooooo, I do love me some pastries-

(I know you have an *ahem* distaste for Lucifer, dear moot, so enjoy Lucifer acting like a bit of a dingus in his section!)

Lucifer

Oh, the human can cook. *insert asshole eyeroll here*. Great. Wonderful. Groundbreaking. That’s what’s got all his brothers acting like- what was that word Levi used? Simps? This human has turned six of the seven rulers of hell into a bunch of simps.

Sure, the human has near godlike cooking prowess. Sure, everyone looks forward to their day for cooking. And sure, everyone thinks the human’s pretty great.

Tsk, not him though. He’s a refined demon. Some silly food isn’t going to make him a lovesick fool… did he smell eclairs..?

Lucifer peered into the kitchen to see MC carefully taking a tray of eclairs out of the oven and letting them cool off on the counter. His favourite dessert… right there in front of him…

Due to not being a total moron, MC notices Lucifer and asks him what the hell he’s doing just standing ominously in the doorway. Lucifer makes up some bullshit excuse about reminding MC to do their homework and just leaves. Okay, game plan, he needs those fucking eclairs or he will spontaneously combust.

As he snuck into the kitchen that night, Lucifer took a moment to briefly wonder why he was creeping around his own house. He was the Avatar of Pride for pity’s sake! He could eat whatever he damn well pleased! Oh shit was someone coming- no? Okay, back to sneaking.

Lucifer crept into the kitchen, saw the eclairs, and all logic was thrown out the window. Time to eat!

“BEEL NO! NOT THE- Lucifer..?” “…” “…” “…you’re very talented, MC, do you mind making more of these?”

SOMEONE SNAP A PICTURE! THIS IS THE CLOSEST LUCIFER HAS GOTTEN TO BEGGING IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS!

Mammon

Ugh, stuck babysittin’ some dumb human, how lame…

As Mammon was throwing a “I’m broke and I’m stuck in a pact with a dumb human” pity party, the most heavenly smell entered his nostrils. Cooking… good cooking… was Barbatos visiting or somethin’? Nah, Lucifer woulda made a big fuss about gettin’ ready for Lord Diavolo. Huh, so what was goin’ on in the kitchen?

Huh? The human? The human can cook? Well damn, maybe this whole deal wouldn’t be so bad. Oi! MC! As payment for babysittin’ ‘em, he got to have an extra big share of- OW!

Did- did the human just hit him with a spoon?! Th-they can’t do that!

Apparently they fucking can. Mammon gets told to sit the fuck down and wait for the food like everyone else. He grumbles on the way to the dining room, but he can’t fully hide his excitement to try the food.

The food even looked pretty! How did they do that?! Magic. It had to be!

After everyone’s tastebuds were blessed with the heavenly substance that is MC’s culinary exploits, Mammon decides he needs to get on this human’s good side in order to receive more food! Maybe even find some way to make a profit or somethin’!

After weeks go by of trying to suck up to the human without looking like too much of a chump, Mammon eventually realizes… hey, this human ain’t so bad. They’re nice, they make him feel good about himself, they give him headpats… he’s really hit the jackpot here!

He’ll offer to help MC bake or cook, but beware, he will try and sample the food before it’s done. Don’t let him lick the spoon!!!

Leviathan

First thought? This human ain’t shit. Thought after seeing their food? WOAAAAAAAH! JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME-

He was unceremoniously cut off by Beel asking demanding seconds. Humph, fine, he doesn’t actually care about this dumb normie food anyway.

…well at least until Levi saw a little something something on TV that he just had to ask MC to try and make. He shyly knocked on their door and when they answered, Levi shoved the screenshot in their face and stuttered out a dinner request.

On the day MC was supposed to make dinner, Levi poked his head into the kitchen and tried to make it look like he was just standing in the same room as MC and not checking to see if they were making his dinner request.

Not that he’d blame them for not doing that… who’d wanna make some anime dinner for a yucky Otaku- OMG JAHSHSHABA THEY’RE MAKING IT! *fangirl squeals*

As Levi continues to commit the SIN of being in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, MC eventually just asks him if he’d like to help out.

“Here! Just keep turning the takoyaki.” “R-really? You trust me?” “Yes, Levi. You watched how they made it on your show, right?” “Yes! I won’t mess up! I swear on my honour as an otaku!”

All in all, it was a very cute bonding experience for the two. Now it’s a regular thing. Levi requests something for dinner or dessert, MC makes it, Levi helps out.

Satan

So, the human can cook. That’s nice. At least someone in this literally god forsaken house can.

He makes sure to thank MC every time they cook, then he makes sure to thank whatever deity is watching over him that Solomon wasn’t the human staying with them.

As the months progress, Satan realizes, he should learn how to cook better. I mean, Levi and Mammon were somehow both improving in their cooking endeavours, and if MC could teach those two, then he would be a breeze.

Satan walked into the kitchen and simply asked if MC needed any assistance with what they were doing. MC just slid him some garlic to dice and that’s how this mentor/student relationship was formed.

Satan was a star pupil, but Mammon and Levi weren’t above trying to sabotage Satan’s progress to get him to leave.

Here’s the thing, the sabotage worked, but it only worked once, and the two idiots didn’t stop to think that maybe they shouldn’t sabotage the meal they were going to have to eat later.

Well, cooking lessons continued uninterrupted after the ghost pepper incident…

Even when he’s ‘graduated’ their little cooking class, Satan’s always willing to lend a hand if needed. He also will slyly hand over some recipe books and cute baking supplies that he finds. MC should be prepared for lots of cat related things to come their way.

Asmodeus

The human can cook? Oh frabcious day! He’s saved from a life of his brother’s mediocre cooking! And the human’s so cute too! What a bonus!

Not only is the human cute, but their food is just so… aesthetic??? Pretty???? Omigosh he just has to get a picture for Devilgram!

For the first few months, MC’s relationship with Asmo consists of Asmo not at all subtly asking to take pictures of their food and post it to his Devilgram. Listen MC, his followers would just love it!

Being the saint-sheep they are, MC lets Asmo sit in whenever they’re making anything in the kitchen. And Asmo slowly realizes “hey, this cute human with the awesome food is actually pretty cool too!”

New Mission: Make the human fall madly in love with him so they’ll want to hang out more.

Whether the mission succeeds is up to MC of course. (I mean, I’m already smitten with him sooooooooo-)

MC offers Asmo a lot of the pastries they make, but the Avatar of Lust almost always declines. Listen honey, he’s on a diet- wait, don’t make that sad face! He’ll eat it! Look! It’s- it’s delicious…

Diet cheat day is now every day MC makes dessert. The feeling of bliss Asmo gets when he takes a bite out of anything MC makes is only second of the treats is second only to the joy he feels at seeing MC happy that he likes their food. It’s just so wholesome I can’t-

MC’s food Devilgram has almost surpassed Asmo in terms of followers and honestly- he isn’t even mad.

Beelzebub

Gasp! Lucifer finally got him the pet personal chef he’d always wanted! Thanks big bro! :D he’ll be sure not to eat this human!

On the first night MC was supposed to make dinner, Lucifer needed to hold Beel back from breaking into the kitchen to see what was causing that heavenly smell. It was, difficult… especially because Lucifer hadn’t slept in three days.

When they all sat down to eat, Beel practically inhaled everything and held up his half bitten plate for seconds.

We here at Stupid Headcanons incorporated recommend that MC have as many bodyguards as possible stationed around the kitchen at all times to ward off a hungry Beel. We don’t want him eating the ingredients and half-tempered chocolate.

A cinnamon roll through and through, he’ll eat everything MC gives him with a big ol’ smile on his cute little face. He’s not the best person to go to if MC wants advice or critique because the best thing Beel can usually muster is “it was really good.”

As Luke said in Lesson 5, Beel would make an awful food reporter. But we love him.

Similar to Levi, he’ll give meal requests on what to make for dinner. (At this rate, MC’s going to have to make some kind of list).

He kind of just waits by the door like a sad puppy whenever MC is making anything because he can’t get into the kitchen :(

Belphegor

The smell of freshly made chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house did reach the attic and it only fuelled his rage more. How dare the human win everyone over with cookies?!

After the attic incident, Belphie was won over with cookies.

Belphie just stands creepily in the kitchen doorway whenever MC is making anything and just makes shit really uncomfortable. Why’s he doing that, you may be wondering, well, he’s trying to calculate the energy needed to swipe the bowl of cookie dough and sprint to safety.

He never succeeds, mainly because once he gets to the bowl, MC already has the wooden spoon ready to smack him, so he just freezes mid-theft and slowly puts the bowl down.

“Oh my gosh, it says let the bread dough rest overnight? Let’s get a headstart and go to sleep now.” “Belphie what-” “I made a pillow Fort, come in. Let’s sleep.” “In the kitchen????”

How’d he make the pillow Fort without MC noticing? Years of experience. He’s trained in the art of- MC? What do you mean you can’t sleep right now and you need to get a head start on shaping fondant?

…he may have eaten the fondant while MC wasn’t looking… whoops… Beel may have rubbed off on him a little…

#Obey me! Headcanons #Obey me Headcanons #obey me #obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me mammon #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Leviathan #Obey me Satan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me Beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor

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devildomdisaster · 4 years ago

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Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.

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obeymeluv · 5 years ago

Text

Cute + Awkward Headcanons (SFW/NSFW)

Trying to turn a bad day around, so I thought of these

Lucifer

Sometimes you can’t tell if he’s giving you bedroom eyes or if he’s actually angry. Lucifer has spent THOUSANDS of years glaring at his brothers and doesn’t know if he’s just staring or glaring

I think he’s super out of practice with romance so he’s hella awkward but when he gets that first positive sign that you’re into him, the charm and pride wakes up and suddenly he’s smooth AF

Flirts so formally he misses his shot 8/10 times

Has a habit of trying to police you like one of his brothers and it’s a knee-jerk, 1000+ year reaction to looking after 6 man-children of various difficulties. Always owns up and apologizes

Has accidentally almost made you pass out from kissing too long. Forgets you don’t have the same lung capacity

BRUISES YOU TO HELL! FORGETS SO MUCH! FEELS SO BAD!

That’s why he has the gloves, to soften his grip because he was one of the strongest in the Celestial Realm and that translates to power in the Devildom

Only complains to you about his back pain from long nights burning the candle at both ends. You find it cute and sad at the same time

Is probably physically very heavy given his stature and the weight of his wings, so if he falls asleep on you, you’re trapped

Rare midnight snack dates when he MUST finish papers by the deadline.

You may or may not have had a Demonus date in his study when a particularly bad batch of paperwork was finally done

You’ve probably cracked at least one (1) antique wood chair

Quickly learned he CANNOT spank you because that shit seriously bruised your ass. You either need a strengthening charm or he has to re-learn how to use his strength around people

That caused one awkward visit to the infirmary because you didn’t know if you were just sore, pinched, dislocated, or cracked. Turns out you were fine. There was no mistaking that hand print, though

It was the second time he’d apologized so profusely in his life. There was no pride left in this man.

You had a special cushion to ease the pain and it looked top of the line (hella fancy. Could probably resell it as fake Gucci in the human world.)

Lucifer gives me big dom vibes and orgasm denial/over-stimulation kink because of his pride basically demanding you beg for him. You passed out at least once from over-stimulation.

When you first start dating he wouldn’t want to own up to any awkward boners so if you sit in his lap while he’s taking a paper break, he’ll make every excuse under the sun (”That’s my belt,”, etc.)

Mammon

This boy is nothing but awkward moments, are you kidding me?

It’s a lot of ‘open mouth, insert foot’ because he can’t be upfront with his feelings. It’s partly not wanting to lose any ‘cred’ he has with people, but also because he’s embarrassed and can’t be honest

There’s lots of tracking you down to sort out things you might have overheard (that he didn’t honestly mean if they sounded bad)

Super sentimental about anything to do with you. You once kissed a piece of Grimm as a good luck charm for his exam and he’d kill someone over it. Always has it on him.

This lovable doofus just assumes you’re dating because you’re always together and you’re perfect and he’s your best man so who’s better?!

When you actually ask him out (with something silly, like ‘I think us dating would be pretty cash money’), he’s so confused. (”But we’ve been dating for, like, a month! Right, human?!”)

He talks big but he’s weak. You’ll always be able to fluster him

Wanted to make love to you on some Grimm and quickly realized that it’s uncomfortable. Porn lied to him and the idea’s ruined. You guys cut the session short to find every piece of Grimm so you can actually lay in the bed

Tends to plunk his head down on your chest and demand scratches/cuddles and has bruised you several times.

Accidentally fought you once or twice for his glasses while half asleep. Levi, Asmo, and Satan used to take them and hide from him

You learned he’s actually hella blind (contacts with non-prescription sunglasses or prescription yellow glasses) and have walked him around the House of Lamentation several times when his glasses went missing

He’ll complain about his brothers having it out for him and getting back at him, but it turns out they just wanted to make an excuse for you guys to hold hands. It’s like a date!

Made you hit your head on the headboard once when he was doing missionary style. Had to stop and check on you, then it got awkward. He cuddled and kissed you the whole time, though. Even got you an ice pack!

The type to flirt with you, try to lean on something, and take himself out on the way down

You’ve had a few of those cliche ‘trip and fell on each other’ moments

Has accidentally swung you into doors and walls trying to scoop you up and run/march out of a room

Levi

This boy is also super awkward

When you’re alone, he’s an absolute sucker for any kind of affection you can give. This boy will literally slither across the floor to make himself comfortable in your lap so he can game.

Pet his hair. He loves that.

Will also have to re-train himself on how to be with you in public. With him, it’s not making fun of a ‘normie’ as much.

Not big on PDA but will definitely hold your hand. How ELSE are people going to know you’re together?!

You get cute matching shirts or jewelry with the ‘Player 1, Player 2′ theme

Does a lot more snake-like things with his tongue. Especially when frustrated. Rub his jaw and chin to see it come out a little bit. It’s like a happy floppy dog tongue, just not as long or wide.

Craves a soft, warm thing to sleep on. You will be his new bed.

The first time you had sex, he broke out his demon form because he looked at you and loved you. He knew he’d get jealous if anyone ever saw you.

Was a little clumsy but determined. Sank in and started going at it, but wanted to look down and watch. He got his horns stuck in your hair and had to stop.

Is #1 fan when you’re naked. (”Ugh. Smother me.”) Boy can’t stand it. He needs it.

Tries to dress a little nicer (even if it’s casual) when you guys go out on dates.

You pack little snack bags when he stands in line for midnight releases and GODDAMN he’s gonna marry you?!

If you’re napping together and someone comes to wake him up or needs you, he just glares at them from underneath you, tail swishing threateningly. No one takes his human, okay?!

He has over-the-ear headphones but I bet he carries earbuds and has probably done that ‘share an earbud’ thing to hold you close and listen to music

Do you need to get up while he’s still sleeping? Untangle yourself and tuck your pillow in his arms. He’ll be fine. Bonus: you get to see the snuggling in action.

Between all the anime and centuries in the Devildom, he’s gotten used to using tails as another way of expression. They act subconsciously based on what the demon’s thinking. He’s surprised both of you several times by accidentally wrapping you up in his tail because he doesn’t want you to leave.

When he gets visibly uncomfortable in social situations, slip him something with your scent on it. It’s comforting. If you make up an excuse to get him out of there (he’s your escort and all), he’s over the moon.

Satan

Had more awkward moments than he’s willing to admit, but he’s more open about them than Lucifer. Basically, if someone guesses it happened, he won’t deny it.

BOY HAS A BOWTIE KINK. PLAY WITH HIS. STEAL ONE AND WEAR IT!

Has probably tripped over books walking you through his room or rushing to answer the door (not that you’d know how happy it makes him).

There’s a 50-50 chance that he’ll steal a glance and act like he didn’t, hiding behind an upside down book or something

Has definitely dropped books on his head after charming them down from the shelf. Your voice just sucks all his concentration up. You get bonus points for checking on him because some of those books are HELLA HEAVY

Say the right thing during a quiet tea session and you might hear him choke

Has probably been outed by one of his friends. Satan always seems to make friends without trying and gets invited to tons of stuff. What didn’t seem like a date turns out to DEFINITELY be a date (according to the friend).

Plan some silly treasure hunt/detective date and this guy is yours for life (especially if you’re the prize at the end).

Isn’t the most upfront about the disdain for his demon form, or how he feels weird about not being a true angel (just an extension of Lucifer), so expect a lot of raw, near-tears conversations in his demon form.

Hold him, run your fingers along the inside of his wings and the tips of his horns and Satan hugs you like there’s no tomorrow. He’ll cry, but he doesn’t regret these tears because they’re healing.

Weak for hand kisses. Smooch them hands.

Not super into PDA, but he’ll do other things to show he cares like carry your books and make sure you know what the weather’s like before you leave

Satan still hasn’t lived down the time Lucifer and the others broke down his door because they smelled blood and thought he’d hurt you. Turns out you guys were having sex and he just bit too hard.

Wouldn’t talk to any of them for a week. He swept you up on an impromptu hotel vacation and you continued to avoid everyone by shopping and eating at cafes.

The type to hold your panties hostage or like a trophy. Gives them back eventually, and enjoys watching Mammon almost have an aneurysm as he tries to figure out why his room smells so strongly of you.

Tea dates, cat cafe dates, and plenty of couple pictures with cat filters. Satan’s Devilgram activity goes up substantially when he’s dating.

You’re not his lock screen, but you’re his background.

Asmo

When you two start dating Asmo is literally the happiest demon in all of Devildom. Yeah he’s smug and cute like ‘how could they NOT fall for beautiful me?’ but boy is literally so stoked. All of that babble’s just a cover for how sickeningly happy he is

Thinks the world of you.

Wants to spend all his free time with you, be it napping and cuddling, shopping, getting pampered, or just doing your nails.

Now that he has that real, true love he doesn’t want to be without you.

You trend on Devilgram at least once

SO MANY PICTURES

Took you shopping for perfumes and has the tester strip you used to pick your perfume taped to his vanity. Then he can smell it whenever he likes!

Gives you a small thing of his cologne for when you get lonely or want to smell like him

Boy is super, super extra. Probably has matching shirts that say he’s yours and you’re his.

The type to get couple’s pillows, cups, and pajamas. You also get couple’s massages.

If you wear lipstick, he’s definitely made you a custom one at some exclusive-invite Devilgram event. He put your initials on the base of the tube and thinks it’s the cutest damn thing. His pride and joy--it’s basically a child.

There’s no shame in the bedroom with this one. I really doubt he’d have awkward moments because he has a lot of experience and has run into a lot of things that he’s handled one way or another. It’s gentle coaching and some sweet teasing.

The most embarrassing thing he’s ever done is probably moaned/whined at the wrong time. Or said something semi-naughty at a bad time. He’s not easily shamed so that doesn’t really matter, either.

He melts at the gentlest touches and will be SO dramatic about it, like half fainted into his bed.

Is easily hypnotized by jewelry. He’ll massage your ears if you have earrings in, cooing over them and wanting to look at them. If he’s laying on you and you’re wearing a necklace, he plays with it the whole time.

Beel

Smart but distractable. Beel’s love language revolves around protection and food so pack him a lunch for practice or bring him something from a town date with one of the bros and he’s super excited

He means well but forgets his own strength so there’s a lot that can go wrong in the bedroom

Has probably broken his bed several times

Had sex on the kitchen counter and the bros only found out because one of them was setting up dinner prep and one of the legs just gave out

Big, snuggly bear. Best hugs.

Hardest to wake up because he tends to sleep well and easily. It’s a side effect of being connected to Belphie. Will hug you to him and keep snoring. You have to get someone else to wake him up because he’ll just snuggle you the more you move around and talk

I headcanon that Beel does a tongue thing like Levi, mostly because his cardinal sin is gluttony and that helps get the food in his mouth faster. It’s not as slender or serpentine as Levi’s, but it definitely moves.

Has licked you in his sleep as an affectionate thing.

Loves to snuggle into your hair when he sleeps.

Bite mark king. He’s so affectionate and earnest when he makes love that he just ends up leaving all kinds of signs on you--mostly bite marks but when he’s conscious of leaving too many, they turn into hand prints.

Makes the purr sound when he’s inside of you. Purrs very easily.

Most of his awkward moments come from being oblivious. He’s the kind of guy you have to out-and-out tell you’re flirting with him, that you like him and want to date him.

Beel’s also very shy with flirting. He thinks you’ll just understand that he’s flirting when he shares food or wants to hug, or just anything. It can be missed because he’s generally chill and friendly.

Was royally embarrassed by Asmo (on accident) when he didn’t eat as much at dinner one night and you were ‘too tired’ to come down. Beel went to carry your food up and Asmo somehow found out he’d eaten you out right before. He was filled up on the human energy and you couldn’t walk to come down.

If you ride his face, grab his horns to hold on. It does something for him and his hands go crazy and he really eats.

Scratch his back and he’ll be your forever heater.

His PDA is carrying you because why not? It’s a workout AND you’re close. It makes him give that big, nice smile.

Belphie

The biggest issue is that he falls asleep on you all the time. He doesn’t mean to but he’s TIRED, okay?

Has a name for the cow pillow. Calls it ‘my moo.’ You are one of seven people that know that. Apparently it’s been a thing since he was little.

Has accidentally called you ‘my moo’ when he’s sleep delirious. It means you’re highly thought of. Beel used to be his moo, too, and now he’s been replaced.

This sloth will smother you. He’s like a koala that demands total contact to sleep

Gives you back rubs and massages. Sometimes he stays awake through them, sometimes you get sleepy and that makes him sleepy so he ends up falling asleep on your back.

Not big on PDA, but his version of caring for you is making sure you’re not bothered by annoying people. Wants you to sit with him at lunch though, and he’ll sulk if you don’t.

His favorite kind of dates are where you stockpile food and drink in the room and just feed each other while lounging in cozy blankets

If you make him any kind of pillow or blanket for a birthday, it’s at the top of his collection. Everyone will see it when they walk into his room.

You’ll plan dates in the star room where he just holds you and points out constellations until you fall asleep. Knows a lot of the mythology/stories behind them and shares that.

No matter the size, Belphie likes to cuddle between your boobs. He says it’s for your heartbeat and that they’re comfy like pillows. His tail wags like crazy when he does this.

Also big on physical contact due to his time in the attic. You just have to be alone.

Brush and play with his hair. That’s what he likes most.

Just hold this boy, okay? He needs it.

If you guys are trying to nap and the other brothers are being noisy, he’ll do the demon scream thing to tell them to shut the hell up. He’s an absolute angel to you though. You’re tired too, he knows.

If you get a little purple streak or something in your hair, he’s smitten.

Get him a kanigiri and the boy is super stoked. He’ll wear it all around the House of Lamentation. Bonus points if it has a hoodie or something he can throw up to annoy Lucifer.

Might get you a little stuffed cow toy so you have something to hug if you have to go away or can’t be with him.

The type to be restless if he can’t sleep with you. Will come to your room in the dead of night and ask to snuggle. It’s the only time he’s nice about it (and vulnerable), so say yes.

You get to be a human body pillow. He loves it very much.

#Obey me!#Obey me x reader #Lucifer x Reader #Mammon x Reader #Leviathan x Reader #Levi x Reader #Satan x Reader #Asmodeus x reader #asmo x reader #beelzebub x reader #Beel x Reader #Belphegor x Reader

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beelsnack · 4 years ago

Text

Obey Me! Boys and the Cute Date They Would Take MC On

Lucifer: “I feel like I don’t belong here.”

When Lucifer had mentioned that an orchestra was going to be performing, they had been so excited to go that they nearly vibrated out of existence. But now that they were here, that excitement had morphed into a heavy lump of anxiety hanging out somewhere between their heart and stomach.

Lucifer glanced down at the human with a raised eyebrow. “And what in the Three Realms would make you think that?”

For a moment, they were quiet, looking around at the crowd of demons dressed to the nines. Elegant silk evening gowns and smart tuxedos abound. Their black slacks and dress shirt made them feel so under-dressed that they might as well have shown up naked.

Lucifer, sharp as ever, pulled them closer and leaned down the speak in their ear. “You needn’t feel intimidated, my dear.”

“I don’t feel intimidated, I feel stupid.”

“That isn’t any better.”

They sighed, casting another look around the hall. Golden mantle pieces, an elegantly-winding staircase, chandeliers absolutely dripping with crystals...everything made them feel incredibly insignificant.

“Should I have gotten more dressed up?”

Lucifer chuckled. “So that’s what has you worried?”

He lead them away from the entrance into the hall proper. “All of these demons are dressed the way they are because they must work at being beautiful. You, my dear,” he stopped in front of them, reaching down to carefully hold the peacock pendent hanging from their neck - the only piece of jewelry they wore. “Are the only one who is naturally radiant enough to wear my symbol. These peasants could turn themselves into pure gold and they would only shine half as bright as you do.”

They could feel their face grow hot enough to catch fire. They opened and closed their mouth like a fish, intent on refuting Lucifer’s compliment, but he gave them no option. With a deep laugh that they felt travel up their spine, he offered his arm to them in a move straight out of a Victorian romance novel.

“Now then, shall we go? You’ll love this orchestra, I promise.”

Mammon: “I can’t believe there’s street fairs in the Devildom!”

It was surprisingly similar to something you would see up in the Human Realm. Strings of fairy lights lit up the cobblestone street that was lined with all kinds of stalls. Food stalls selling a variety of things that probably shouldn’t be deep fried but are anyway, games of chance, craftsman selling their wares - “Don’t buy anything from that one, all of their crap is cursed and they charge a fee for removal.”

“Come on,” Mammon clicked his tongue as the two of them wandered throughout the fair. “Did’ja think the Devildom was all doomed souls and torture chambers?”

“...Yes?”

The demon paused before shrugging. “Ya know, that’s fair. But we have an image to keep, don’t we? Can’t have the little humans knowin’ about our bitchin’ carnivals.”

“I’ll take the secret to my grave.”

Somewhere a little down the street, they could hear the spinning of a roulette wheel, and Mammon immediately perked up.

“Aw yeah, now we’re talking! Come on, human, you get to see the Great Mammon in all of his glory!”

A thin spike of fear ran through their body as Mammon grabbed their wrist and tugged them through the crowd. “Didn’t Lucifer ban you from gambling? Like, forever?”

“Whatever, what he don’t know won’t hurt ‘im,” they finally reached the roulette booth. “As long as I don’t lose and you don’t squeal, we don’t have anything to worry about!”

“Mammon, there’s a big, gaping hole in your logic there - “

“Have a little faith, human!” Mammon grinned and he slapped some Grimm down on the counter. The glint in his eyes was damn near predatory, and it sent a different kind of shiver down their spine.

The demon behind the counter chuckled gleefully as they spun the wheel. The crowd surrounding them hooted and hollered and shoved each other to be able to watch the wheel, but Mammon looked surprisingly calm. He stood with his arms crossed, eyes trained on the pointer at the top of the wheel.

If they hadn’t been standing right next to him, they wouldn’t have noticed him rhythmically tapping against the sleeve of his jacket.

It was almost imperceptible, but the clicking of the wheel appeared to be following the beat that Mammon was tapping, slowing as the pauses between beats got longer. Eventually, both Mammon and the wheel stopped...

Right on the number he had bet on.

The crowd groaned as Mammon collected his winnings, some hissing at him as they dispersed. The Avatar of Greed looked truly in his element as he flipped a Grimm in the air. “Told ya.”

“You were...using magic?” the human looked back and forth between the wheel and Mammon. “You manipulated the wheel.”

“Aw, man, I was hoping you wouldn’t catch that.” he sighed, pocketing his earnings. “Can’t ya just pretend I have incredible luck?”

“I will if you buy me food.”

“Deal.”

Leviathan: Going to the arcade on a Wednesday at noon was definitely one of Levi’s best ideas.

“Why does your aim suck so bad?”

“Oh, you are SO lucky this game doesn’t have friendly fire, Levi.”

“You couldn’t hit me even if it did.”

They were standing close enough that it wasn’t difficult for them to learn over and bump him with their shoulder. His grip on the orange plastic gun slipped and the virtual bullet went flying off into cyberspace. By the time he managed to correct himself, the zombie he had been aiming for was in the process of devouring the character on screen.

“Hey, what gives?!”

“Oops, sorry. My aim really sucks, you know.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

Despite their dirty tactics, Levi still wiped the floor with them, cackling gleefully as their scores tallied up on the screen. "Beat that, normie!"

They pouted and blew a raspberry at him. "Jerk. I want a rematch!"

"You're on!"

Satan: If they hadn’t been in the Devildom for so long, they probably would have been scared out of their mind.

That being said, they had been in the Devildom for a while, and seeing an intricately detailed panorama of a demon cat devouring a person alive was only a little unsettling at this point.

“Wow, that must have taken a while,” they got up closer to the exhibit. “It’s like I can hear the screams of agony.”

“Apparently the artist spent a century just on the expression,” Satan came up behind them, slipping his hand into theirs. “It shows, doesn’t it?”

The Devildom Art Museum was having a special exhibition on Demonic cats, and of course Satan had managed to snag tickets for the two of them. They didn’t particularly want to know how he had managed that.

“So, where to next?” they asked.

“The next room has a collection of cursed cat collars.” Satan nodded his head towards the door. “Apparently there’s one that causes whoever puts the collar on their cat to choke to death.”

“Okay, but if there are any there that harm the cats we’re firebombing the place.”

Asmodeus: “See, I told you this place was cute!”

He hadn’t been lying. The little cafe was tucked into a little side street, and the outside seating provided one of the best views of the lake that they had seen aside from being inside the castle grounds. The moons were just beginning to appear as they sky transitioned from the dark lavender color that served as the Devildom’s “day time” into full darkness, and the reflection from the lake made everything sparkle like diamonds.

“How did you even find this place, Asmo?” they asked as they were seated by the host. “This is pretty hidden.”

“Didn’t you know, darling?” Asmo laughed, reaching across the table to weave their hands together. “Some of the most beautiful things can be found in the strangest of places.”

“That’s pretty, but it doesn’t answer my question.”

“I slept with the owner’s son.”

They couldn’t hold back the definitely-not-cute snort. “Yeah, that tracks.”

“I never pass up an opportunity to fuck someone who can cook.” he said sagely. “I want to be fed before I have to do my walk of shame.”

“Don’t you have to have shame for that?”

“Hush,” Asmo giggled. “Here, they have a human-safe section.”

Beelzebub: “I don’t know, Beel, this place, seems awful expensive.”

The conversion rate between human currency and Grimm sometimes threw them off a little bit, but anytime you say three zeroes it was never a good sign.

“Does it?” Beel glanced up from the menu to look at them quizzically before peeking down at the prices again. “Ah, I guess it would. You don’t have to worry, I’ll pay for it.”

“That’s not - “

The server arrived, cutting off their protest. From the sheen of sweat on their brow, the human took it that the staff knew Beelzebub and his famous appetite. Even just the appetizer was enough to feed a whole family. When the waiter finally turned to them, he had to flip over to a new page in his pad. He looked rather relieved when they simply ordered water and fried bat wings (which they had discovered early on tasted a lot like chicken wings and it was therefore their go to.)

When the server dashed off to place their massive order, Beel turned back to the human. “What were you saying?”

“I don’t...” they sighed. “I won’t be able to pay you back.”

“Why would you have to?”

They blinked, tilting their head. “Huh?”

“I don’t mind paying. Plus, I get a discount here.”

The human glanced around the fancy dining area. “This doesn’t look like the place to give out discounts.”

“A lot of places give me and my brothers discounts. Well, Mammon lost a few of his, I think.” Beel shrugged. “I think it’s because we’re considered nobility? I usually leave the discount as a tip though.”

That explained the grin the host had on their face when they sat them.

They smiled up at him. “You’re so sweet, Beel.”

Belphegor: Nights in the Devildom were surprisingly peaceful.

Once you got past the ideas of torture chambers and crypts, the nights were just like ones up in the Human Realm. Quiet, lazy, and on clear nights, you could see the stars.

“Do you know what that one is?”

The human followed where Belphegor was pointing. “Hm...Orion?”

“Ding.” Belphie laughed. “I knew you would be good at this.”

In typical Belphie fashion, he had texted them out of the blue and told them to meet him in the courtyard at midnight. They thought about just ignoring him and going to sleep, but now they were curious. Which was probably the demon’s plan.

When they arrived, Belphie was laying down on a blanket he had spread out on the grass.

“Took you long enough,” he yawned. “I almost fell asleep waiting for you.”

“It’s only 12:02!”

“Bold of you to assume I can’t fall asleep in two minutes. Are you going to sit down or what?”

And that was how the two of them ended up cuddled next to each other and stargazing.

Belphie knew a surprising amount about constellations.He was able to point out which star was named what, and knew most of the myths that the constellations were named after. Unsurprisingly, listening to him talk was very soothing, and they could feel their eyelids drooping.

“If you want to sleep, you can.” he finally murmured, sounding close to drifting off himself. “We can keep each other warm.”

“...I don’t think Lucifer would appreciate finding us passed out on the lawn.”

“All the more reason to do it.”

#i just needed some fluff okay #this is self indulgent #obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie

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meyeselph · 4 years ago

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Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

#gwenpool #fanfic #deconstruction #outofloveiswear #fortheoriginalwritersnotmarvelordisney #tw mental health #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of drug abuse #tw violence #tw gun violence

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soulvomit · 3 years ago

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Like, in my own life, I’ll never know what is possibly female autism vs being raised outside of the female social silo and having to learn it as a cultural outsider - I literally CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE. I don’t know what is what. I didn’t really begin to feel conformity pressure to a huge degree until 1) the Dot-Bomb, when I had to work in other spaces besides tech (and *that* had been weird and fraught because while I was like a lot of male techies, and had a lot of common personality traits with them, I clearly stood out from the female ones) and 2) divorce, and had to actually survive as a lower socioeconomic class than I’d been surviving at. I could no longer afford to live alone *and* I could no longer count on just leaning on my better-paid partner. I just literally could not afford to be weird if I wanted to survive. I hadn’t been able to get stable people as roommates, hadn’t been able to interact with stable people, like, I could fake at least being culturally normal enough to work with stable people but the facade fell apart if I spent another minute at the job after clock-out. They went to their normie friends and coworker friends and I snuck off, changed clothes, and hung out with neurodivergent queers who all, like me, had Problems. (I don’t even know what of this is masking, or just pretending you fit into a different corporate culture than you actually do.)

One thing that happens as a woman with roommates is that... you know how male roommates are allowed to just “check out” and lock themselves in their room? I think there’s more tolerance for men hiding from social interaction? I’ve never, ever lived with anyone who would allow *me* to do that (except for my partner). So often, just being around other women is a level of emotional labor that I don’t have the energy for, and I’m required to do it to survive. And like, a ton of stuff in masking discourse is just missing me because it’s like. “Be free! Be you!” but like... I literally don’t have the luxury of Being Me And Being Free, not if I actually want to have a place to live, or access to anything, or a relationship, and there is NOTHING FOR IT. I would not have the relationship I’m in if I hadn’t literally made over every aspect of my personality, because he could not have lived with me and I could not have contributed anything to this partnership. I was an extremely selfish partner before my last relationship blew apart and I spent six years single (much of that convinced I couldn’t be with anyone). I find more comfort in *older* discourse if anything about the resigned sadness of Silent Generation and older people who had to just suck it up somehow, because sometimes there is nothing you can do but keep sucking it up and there is NOTHING FOR IT and at least some narratives let you feel seen!

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dinopant · 5 years ago

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Just put this in tags in another post buT I wanna make a full post on my full thoughts

Mapleshade good i love her

She was introduced as this character who was just a dark forest cat

All you know about her is that she was evil

Then shes this figure of torture in crookedstar promise

All you know about her is that she is evil. For these reasons we hardly understand or that are explained and that crookedstar was no part of. She seems evil and irrational. All you know about her is that she is evil and your meant to think nothing else

Then mapleshade vengeance happened

And most of yall seemed to read it and continued to think mapleshade was evil and that was it. plain and simple Because you've been told this for so long that you haven't considered ever that she can be seen as anything else.

Mapleshade is already a character written in a poorly written book series that tends to make things very black and white. Especially with rules and how cats feel. Stuff along these lines. If the writers say a cat is evil we for some reason can’t seem to be allowed to see them as anything else even if some of their evil stuff is agreed to be ok on other characters or isolated without the characters name attached.

Mapleshade is a cat who lives in the clans, and anyone with the ability to think knows the clans kinds suck. There are rules that are ridiculous and even harmful such as these mixed clan romances and shit.

Mapleshade also appears to be living in a time where the clans are cruel and strict.

Mapleshade is a cat who made a mistake with the cat she chose to loved. Appledusk never loved her and she made the mistake of getting close to him.

She wasn't in love with Birchface. She never had to be. But when someone ask if that's her kits father, of course she says yes. Because she knows the laws and isnt looking to start up more trouble than she is already in.

Mapleshade killed appledusk, who more than deserved it. And was surrounded by cats who let her kits die. Cats who despite seeing and knowing her loyalty and young young kits decided their laws were so important that the death of one cat (Birchface) was worth ruining a whole family and letting children drown. (I really don’t see anyone talking about blaming the cats who let all this happen, only yall you want to say mapleshade let her kits die and shit like HELLO?)

Mapleshade loses her kits, I often see people say 'she killed her kits it's her fault for making them cross the river' like hello the books are badly written?? You think this lady who clearly loved her kits so much would have done that just because and not because she thought she needed to. You act like bluestar didnt take her kits out of camp in the freezing cold and lose one. Mapleshade was desperate and afraid with no where to go but with hoped riverclan. All she had was hope, and at her kits death she had nothing. With appledusk and darkstar and everyone else turning her away at this point she had less than nothing. She is upset and she goes on her quest of vengeance against cats who wronged her over and over. ( I really don’t understand how this isnt seen as an epic tale of a mother who sought vengeance for her three lost children sPECIALLY when we on SO many occasions have seen cats murder others for equal to less reasons. its a fucking fantasy book about WARRIOR feral CATS yEAH sometimes a killing gonna happen and it DOES A LOT!)

Mapleshade lives in world that chose to be nothing but cruel to her and she dies by its hands.

Normie warrior cat fans dont have a single sympathetic bone in their body

'Mapleshade is a murderer!' So are a lot of cats yall dont NEarly give as much shit for also it's a fantasy cat book where they fight and shit big woop

BUT the real point I'm making, my idea for better writing

Mapleshade has killed these cats who wronged her and starclan sees her through their glasses of black and white. She is a murderer. She goes to the dark forest.

But miraculously despite their stupidity, they recognize some of the cats she killed as rule breakers. they are also sent to the dark forest

Mapleshade spends the afterlife tormented by the ghost of her past.

She stands on the edge of the dark forest and thinks of her family

Then

Crookedstars promise

But instead of just a story where mapleshade haunts and torments crookedjaw

Crookedjaw struggles with mapleshade as she tries to get revenge, tormenting him however she can. She has become twisted and dark with her time spent in the forest.

However, Crookedjaw learns about Mapleshade. hears the stories of mapleshade. Here's the vile way people say her name. They see her as evil because it's what they've been told. A story of this cat who killed Riverclan warriors for what their told, no reasons. Shes only a murderer.

But Crookedjaw gets the full story from Mapleshade and potentially others.

He sympathizes with her and understands why she would be so hateful and spiteful of his family despite many moons past.

Crookedstars promise becomes a book of healing. Crookedjaw does what he can to atone for his family's mistakes and what they did to mapleshade.

Mapleshade isnt sure she can ever forgive what happened.

Crookedjaw and bluefur fall in love and she has their kits.

Mapleshade watches. She is seen by crookedjaw less and less as she had begun to watch over bluefur and her new born kits. She sees herself in the new queen. She wants her to thrive and be well.

When mapleshade knows bluefur has decided to take her kits to riverclan so she can be leader. Mapleshade wants to yell

She watches bluefur get up and take her kits. Mapleshade yells and yells to bluefur. she tells her to turn back. It's too cold, turn back. They wont make it, please! Someone else can be deputy. Do this another day. Anything! Please dont do this!

Mapleshade frantically tries to get her ghostly cries to reach bluefur

Snowfur's ghost walks on in silence. Eyes on mosskit.

Mosskit drops. She dies and Mapleshade cries for the kit who has died too young. For the blue queen to has made a mistake that got her own beloved kit killed. Much like Mapleshade has many moons ago.

Mapleshade is heart broken as she watches bluefur get her kits to riverclan. the only thing that brings her joy is watching Crookedjaw and Oakheart accept these kits to their side of the river lovingly, accepting them fully as family.

Snowfur leads mosskit to starclan. Mapleshade follows as far as she can go to make sure they make it ok.

She stands at the edge of starclan like she has so many times. Watching the two cats walk right in.

Snowfur stops. Still quiet. And gives a single nod to follow.

Mapleshade enters starclan. She sprints into starclan until she is met with her babies

Mapleshade lives out her days with her babies, and her new found family with snowfur and mosskit. Soon oakheart. Stonefur and bluestar. Crookedstar is there happy to see the cat he knew deserved a second chance. They wait for mistystar now.

Mapleshade is finally at peace

Appledusk replaces maples position in the dark forest.

All you were supposes to know about mapleshade was that she was evil. But maybe she could be more.

#also mapleshade au where she gets adopted by crystal and is lesbian #or birchface who doesnt hate mapleshade and would be a lot like thrushpelt #loving and kind and like a father to her kits #gost chatter #warrior cats

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yodawgiherd · 4 years ago

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Show, Don't Tell pt.2

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Rejoice! Because we once again got a continuation of fanart that is literally EVERYTHING. Check it out check it out ----> https://twitter.com/AnnLuVazzel/status/1396084472450269185/photo/1 *cocks gun* this is not a request. Anyway - I promised a second part if things went down and they DID so, here you guys go. Rating - E, but did you really expect anything else? 🤨

“No, you don’t have to, I got it.”

Mikasa blinked a few times, unsure if she heard him correctly.

“… You do?”

“Yea, of course.”

Taking the ball gag back from her, Eren put it around his neck and….

Closed it, letting the red rubber dangle in the hollow of his throat.

“Mikasa, this is one of your chokers, right?”, he tapped the ball, “Why have I never seen you using it?”

“T-That’s not…”

Oh god, she could feel the sweat running down her skin. How could he be so clueless? So innocent? So…

Cute. Damn it all but he’s so cute, Mikasa wanted to bite into his neck just to leave a mark on that untarnished boy.

Unaware that he just sent his girlfriend’s mind to the gutter, Eren looked in the small mirror Mikasa kept on her nightstand, admiring the new “choker” around his neck.

“If I’m being honest, I definitely prefer those you wear normally. Even the one with spikes is better than this, I guess that the ball in front is a bit of a revolutionary design but the red clashes with black too much, and…”

“Babe.”, unable to take it anymore, Mikasa got his attention with that single word, “That is not a choker.”

“No?”, frowning at the mirror, Eren took a step back, fingering the toy, “Then… What is it?”

Carefully, she reached out to undo the buckle on Eren’s neck, retrieving the thing. At the same time, Mikasa’s mind was racing because this explanation had to be both accurate and careful if she wanted her boyfriend to give it a try – and she really, really wanted him to be open-minded enough.

Here goes nothing.

“It’s a gag.”, she said, pulling back while the mentioned toy dangled between her fingers.

“Like… a joke?”, Eren’s eyebrows furrowed, “I don’t get it.”

For understandable reasons Mikasa felt like facepalming but managed not to. She was a strong woman.

“No – a gag like a thing that prevents you from speaking.”

“Oh… “

“…. Yea.”

“Ok, this might sound weird,”, Eren scratched the back of his head, “but is it normal for girls to have these lying around?”

Fine, if that’s how he wanted to play it.

“But of course! Next to make-up and lipstick, every girl has a few gags just rolling around the place. This design? it’s all the rage lately.”

She stared at him with a challenge in her eyes, but the wide innocent look in Eren’s eyes didn’t go away. He wasn’t joking, she realized, he meant every word. Oh, Satan.

“Really?”, he squeaked, the onslaught of information about the fair gender hard to digest.

“No.”, Mikasa deadpanned, “They don’t.”

“Then… why?”

She sucked in a breath, mentally steeling herself.

“I have it because I use it as a sex toy. I like it, I like toys and stuff, you could say that I’m…”

She hated that word she hated that word she hated that word - so much.

“…. Kinky.”

“Miki I’m sorry but I never heard that in my life.”

Mikasa, who was torn between slapping him for being so ignorant and kissing him for being so cute, let out a long breath. Cinnamon roll, he was a cinnamon roll.

“It’s, how do I say it, I prefer having some assistance in bed from sex toys such as this gag.”, she held it up, “I enjoy it more than vanilla.”

Eren’s face was slowly but steadily becoming red, because talking about sex stuff was too much for his normie brain, but he held on, doing his best to decipher the cryptic info Mikasa was sending his way.

“Uhm, so you want me to use ice cream in bed?”

“What?!”

Well, not that Mikasa would be opposed to it, temperature play was great and all but where did he…

Oh.

The vanilla.

“I didn’t mean vanilla as flavor.”, she explained patiently, “Vanilla sex means normal one, without any toys and stuff.”

“Okay, okay, I get it now.”, he grimaced, “ I think at least.”

“All right…”

“One more thing – when you said that you like using toys in bed, does that mean that you have more than this,”, he pointed at the red ball, “thing?”

Babe, if you only knew.

“I do have several,”, Mikasa confessed, “but I think that it would be best if we moved at a slow pace, no need to put them all to use at once.”

He nodded and she felt a weight fall off her shoulders. If Eren saw the strap-on she was hiding in the lowest drawer he would be out of the door and gone from her life faster than a diving bird. Not that she ever used it, only admired herself wearing it in the mirror a few times, but the design was cool and they had a sale for it once so…

Maybe she would get the opportunity to bust it out one day.

Not now though, now was the time for the most basic of stuff - slow and steady wins the race to better and more fulfilling sex life. Now to the most important question.

“Eren, I want you to know that me liking this stuff doesn’t mean that you have to be into it too. I won’t pressure you into anything, nor demand that you do something that makes you uncomfortable – that’s not how this thing works.”

He was listening all right, his eyes in that mode that betrayed eating up every word.

“This lifestyle – I would like if you shared it with me, or gave it a try at least, but it has to be consensual from your side.”, she went on, “If you don’t want to I can just stash this thing and we can forget about this incident. I promise that I won’t bring it up.”

All right then, decision time. Eren had never seen anything like this in his life but couldn’t say that he was repulsed by it. This darker, kinky she said, side fit Mikasa perfectly, her visage screamed that she was special and that was in part why he found her so attractive in the first place.

No, he wasn’t disgusted by this – not excited either but he was curious. Curious and hopelessly in love with the girl, which meant that Eren was more than willing to give this thing a try. All things considered, it wasn’t like Mikasa was going to make him sign some binding contract, if it turned out that he truly cannot handle this side of her they would stop, easy as that.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know the first thing about this, as you probably noticed.”, he began slowly, “But I am down to try it if you are willing to teach me.”

Was she willing to teach him? No. She was itching to do it – but let’s move slow for now…

“Okay, great!”, was covering about ten percent of all the excitement that was now bubbling in Mikasa’s chest, but it would do, “Let’s start with some basic – first of all, if you want me to stop at anything I will do, just say “Red”, okay?”

“Okay.”

“If you will be unable to speak, we will figure out a different way.”, she held up the gag, “Which is fitting because we will be starting with this.”

Eren was all-ears. Figuratively.

He nodded at her, and Mikasa began the first lesson.

“As I said before, ball gag serves to silence the submissive – in this case – you. It gives the dominant, me, power over the other party, and by taking away your ability to speak it also “reduces” the sub to a plaything for the dom.”

“I’ll assume that sub is short for submissive?”

“Yes Eren, I wasn’t talking about sandwiches here.”

“Just making sure.”, he murmured.

“That’s good! Ask about anything you want, curiosity is good. Any other questions?”

“Did you ever do this with someone else?”

“No? I told you, you are my first boyfriend.”

“Then, did you ever use this?”, he pointed at the gag.

“Well, sometimes I use it on myself when I… you know…”

Despite her best efforts, Eren’s eyes remained clueless.

“Masturbate.”, she said out loud, finally igniting that spark of knowledge, “Now, anything else?”

“What’s the worst thing you’ve done?”

“What do you mean?”

“I imagine that since you were working solo till now, you didn’t get many chances to try stuff out.”, wasn’t that the truth, Mikasa thought to herself as Eren continued, “So – what is the weirdest of kinkiest thing you’ve done?”

Hmmm. Oh!

“I once wore rope to school.”

“Huh?”

“Do you remember that day, like a month back, when I was all bothered and wouldn’t talk much?”

“You normally don’t talk much.”

“Fine, less than usual then.” she waved her hand, “I also didn’t want you to walk me home after classes.”

He tapped his chin a few times.

“I remember, I thought that I angered you somehow.”

“You didn’t, but I had a rope harness on me for a whole day so I needed to take it off as soon as possible.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like – rope wrapped around your body in places that makes you feel it when you move. My boobs and inner thighs and stuff.”

He blinked a few times.

“Wow, that sounds intense.”

“It was, mostly because I pulled it too tight.”, she gave him a small smile, “I may be more experienced than you but I’m far from being a pro.”

Add that to the pile of things he was learning about his girlfriend.

“Anything else you want to know?”, she asked.

Satisfied, for now, Eren shook his head.

“Very well, in that case we will move to the practical part.”, she stepped close to him, holding the gag in front of his face,” Open your mouth…”

He did so, a bit surprised when she put the red ball between his teeth. After that came the strap that was buckled behind his head, and before Eren realized what was happening he couldn’t talk.

“Mmmmm.”, was his reaction.

“See? Useful gadget isn’t it.”

“Mmm.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Now while Eren was getting used to having a ball gag in his mouth, Mikasa had mental work to do. In her mind, she went through the list of items that were hidden in her room, picking out those that wouldn’t freak out her boyfriend too much. Whips, paddles, and canes were ruled out for now, so were the candles and ice. Ropes took too long to set up, vibrators, dildos, and magic wands were scary…

No need to complicate things.

Passing Eren who was still caught in his battle against the ball gag, Mikasa rummaged through the nightstand and pulled out two more items. A blindfold and a pair of leather cuffs connected by a fine silver chain - this would be more than enough for now.

Turning towards Eren, she gestured to the back of his head and luckily he got the message for once, reaching there and unbuckling the gag from his mouth. Showtime.

Holding the toys in a way that Eren would notice them, Mikasa posed that one simple question she needed an answer for.

“Do you trust me?”

“I-… Well…”

If there was one thing that Eren didn’t expect to happen when he woke up in the morning it would be this – standing in the middle of his girlfriend’s bedroom with Mikasa right in front of him, leather cuffs dangling from her finger and a blindfold in the other hand, that damn question on her black lips.

Did he trust her?

Of course, but this was not something he ever saw himself doing. To say that Eren was vanilla would be an understatement, he was like a snow-white sheet of paper, so pure and normal.

Maybe that was why Mikasa wanted to ruin him so much.

She saw him suck in a breath, eyes wandering over what she was holding. Unlike the gag, it was quite easy to get what these two were used for even without her explanation, that was partly the reason why she chose them. Talking about it was fun and all, but the action itself….

That was where the true fun began.

“I trust you.”, those three words left Eren’s lips and Mikasa was in heaven.

“In that case let’s do this thing.”, she took the gag back, completing her collection.

“Starting now I am your mistress and you are my slave-…”, nah that didn’t feel right, “Let’s stick with sub.”

For some reason, that made him giggle.

“Something funny?”

A snort.

“Sandwich.”

Fine, keep up with the lame jokes Eren, let’s see how much you like being punished for them.

“You will obey my orders without question, and in turn I promise not to do anything you won’t like.”, she nodded at the toys, “I will use these on you and nothing else, and we will have a safeword for me to stop if you want to – “Red” if you can speak and if not just knock on the headboard three times. Got it?”

“Yes.”

Ah, first offense.

“That sentence is missing something…”, she half-corrected him.

Eren looked at her for a moment before he got it, even deeper blush on his face.

“Yes, mistress.”, he murmured, embarrassed.

“Good boy.”

Those words flew out of Mikasa’s mouth before she caught them, but as soon as they left she didn’t want to take it back anymore. They fit.

“Now – take off your shirt.”

“Uhm, you sure? I mean….”

“Eren, what did I say about questioning my orders?”

“S-Sorry.”, a raised eyebrow from her was enough this time, “Sorry m-mistress.”

“Good. Let’s try again –“, Mikasa made her voice more confident, hoping to get that “dominant” vibe across, “Take off your shirt.”

Lips pressed together Eren obeyed her command, pulling the simple black t-shirt over his head.

“Now your pants.”

“I-“.

“Pants. Off. Now.”

Now it was teeth that Eren had to press together to cage the words in, but he did so. This new dominant Mikasa was doing things to him, things that he didn’t know his mind was capable of but one truth was clear. He was enjoying this, that much was obvious from the way her words tingled his spine and of course the reaction that his… pride … was having – one that was immediately visible to them both when Eren slid his jeans down and kicked them away.

An erection? This fast? Now that was something Mikasa liked to see. Not only because she was horny, but mostly because it meant that Eren was also liking this little game. Very nice, let’s continue.

Dumping the rest of the toys on the bed, for now, Mikasa motioned for him to come closer. When he did, she took hold of one of his wrists and closed the cuff around it, repeating the process with Eren’s other hand after. The chain connecting them was short, giving him a tiny bit more freedom than classic handcuffs, but the leather was much gentler to the skin than the steel.

“Is this okay?”, she asked him, watching Eren tug at his hands with a strange expression.

He was cuffed, hands tied together. Yet another experience that Eren never had in his life and for good reasons only – he was a good boy, a good student and never had the pleasure of being escorted in a cop's car. Make no mistake, he was still arrested right now, but his jailer filled his head with dirty thoughts instead of worry. That was good, so good that the cuffing thing didn’t feel half bad.

It felt… good. Kind of

“Yea I’m fine. Mistress.”

Saved it.

There he was, shirtless, pantless, and handcuffed, standing at the foot of her bed and Mikasa had to hold herself back from jumping at him right here and there. Patience.

“Lay down on your back,”, she instructed him, “I’m going to put the rest of the stuff on you.”

Obeying her order while she retrieved the toys, Eren slid down on the jet-black sheets of Mikasa’s bed. It was comfortable as always but the added novelty of having his hands restricted overrode that information successfully. She leaned over him, holding the blindfold.

“Put your hands above your head and keep them there.”, she commanded him, and he obeyed with a slight clink of the chain. Seeing that her orders were fulfilled, Mikasa raised the blindfold “I’m going to use this on you now, okay?”

A nod.

“Good, raise your head a little bit…”

The black material slid over his face and Eren couldn’t see anything anymore. She waited for a moment while he adjusted to the sudden darkness, before moving onto the last thing which would be used today.

“Open your mouth.”

He did so, but the rubber didn’t appear. Instead of that Mikasa’s fingers pushed into his mouth, her nails dragging against Eren’s tongue. He could feel her rings too, the cold metal contrasting with the warm skin as she pushed the digits deeper.

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do this.”, a heated whisper from the right, “To be able to play with you like this.”

Even deeper they went and Eren gagged slightly around the slender fingers. In response to that she scissored them, forcing his jaw wide open and at the same time her other hand moved, attacking the place where he was weakest. Palm rubbed against Eren’s raging hard-on, pressing down and giving the thing an over-the-cloth massage.

The sudden contact made him moan around her fingers, and Mikasa’s black lips split into a huge grin. Good, good, come to the dark side.

“I promise that you’ll enjoy this,” she whispered, “so don’t be afraid. Or be afraid, but just a tiny bit.”

He gurgled something around the fingers in his throat that resembled “Okay.”

As suddenly as they were in they were out, letting Eren gasp for breath and…

Be slapped from the left, a flare of pain appearing in his cheek. Before he could react the same flare happened from the right and now he was equally slapped from both sides.

“Wh-“, was all he managed before yet another thing found its way into his mouth, this time it was Mikasa’s tongue.

The kiss was more of an assault on Eren’s mouth. He didn’t control it in the slightest, had no agenda at all, simply gasped and moaned while Mikasa ravaged his mouth with her tongue and teeth. Dirty and messy was the best way to describe it, but Eren had no intention of ever complaining – why would he when her tongue gliding against his felt so good?

It got even better because Mikasa’s hand was back, this time at Eren’s throat. Slightly she squeezed the sides, restricting the flow of air, and combined with the deep kiss he was lightheaded sooner than expected. Just as he wasn’t handcuffed before, being choked was a new and exciting experience.

Eren never felt this way before while Mikasa kissed him, but the blindfold and handcuffs and chokehold on his neck made it an otherworldly experience. It was different from the simple pleasure he usually found in her lips, a way darker and deeper feeling, but he loved it the same if not more.

Just as his brain was running out of oxygen to keep functioning, Mikasa pulled back and released the restricting squeeze. A breath of fresh air was gulped down Eren’s lungs while she admired the way her lipstick was smudged all over his face now.

Let’s not dawdle on that, they still had plenty of ground to cover.

“I’m going to gag you now.”, she announced, not waiting for an answer.

Eren did have the safeword if he wanted to get out, and god knows that it was the last thing he desired at that moment.

Mikasa’s fingers were back between his kiss-swollen lips and she wrenched his mouth open, popping the red rubber ball in after. The straps were secured behind his head with a practiced hand and that was it – he was now completely at her mercy.

Now, this was a perspective Mikasa adored. She was sitting on the edge of the bed fully clothed, even her rings were on for Satan’s sake, while Eren squirmed beneath her. Hands cuffed above his head, eyes covered by a blindfold, a red ball gag between his lips.

Oh yea, it was all coming together.

Deciding that sitting on the bed was not appropriate for this position, Mikasa climbed onto Eren instead and seated herself on his lap. There, this was much better, especially considering that she could feel his hardness strain against her inner thigh. Her move was accompanied by yet another “Mmm” from her victim, a sound she liked very much.

Apart from Mikasa’s weight on him Eren had no way of tracking her, couldn’t say what would come next. She may have not tied his hands to the bed but she ordered him to keep them above his head, and her word was as strong as any chain. He couldn’t see her, he couldn’t talk to her, and hearing was also rather impaired because of the rush of blood in Eren’s ears. Truly helpless beneath her, all he could do was wait for what his mistress would grace him with. And then it came-

Nothing serious, just a simple touch, as Mikasa placed her hand on Eren’s chest, right above the heart. Still, in a state that Eren was in it was enough to make his whole body jolt.

“Easy there,”, she murmured, “I promised that I won’t hurt you.”

The slap didn’t count. Why? Because she said so.

Trailing her fingers up she patted his cheek in a small show of affection.

“You look so good like this.”, she stroked his face, “My Dark Knight, so good for me, so open and vulnerable…”

Vulnerable was a strange choice of a word, but when Eren tried to question it the gag came into play.

“Mmmmm.”, was all he could make, followed by a shaky inhale.

Mikasa wouldn’t hurt him, she said so… Would she? Ehm…

Abandoning his cheek Mikasa’s hand went exploring downward, her touch alone sending Eren’s brain into overdrive. When a human body is robbed of its senses, it tends to sharpen the remaining ones – this meant that his skin felt super sensitive right now, and the little path Mikasa was doing with her nails made him squirm and sweat beneath her. Didn’t help that her weight was pressed against his achingly hard length.

Tap-tap-tap, down her playful fingers went, doing nothing more than touching and occasionally scratching a little. Over the planes of his chest and there Mikasa found the first point of interest. Eren gasped out loudly through the gag when she tweaked his nipple, a small tremor running through his body.

“Sensitive? Good.”

Putting her other hand to work Mikasa tweaked both at the same time now, getting a heartfelt “Mmm” In return. What a load of fun, and she was regretting her choice of not using the clamps tonight. Oh well, she had other ways to play with Eren’s nipples too.

Ending the hold with a pinch on each one she leaned forward to press a kiss to the side of Eren’s neck. She should get him a choker of his own, Mikasa reasoned In her head, or even better – a collar to show who he truly belonged to. Not very realistic considering that they were only beginning this journey but hey. A girl can dream.

Exchanging lips for teeth she bit down on his flesh while her fingers once again assaulted his sensitive nubs, torturing her boy to the best of her ability. With no toys at her disposal, as she didn’t bring them in for a reason, her body was the only device she could use. Then again, from the way Eren sweated and cursed into the gag, it was working well.

Biting into the neck was a lot of fun, especially considering that Eren didn’t fight back, and Mikasa didn’t move on until he had a solid collection of black – from her lipstick – and red – from the teeth – all over the skin. Changing into her gentle mode she began kissing her way down over his chest, following the same way her fingers took, which meant that she arrived at the same destination in the end.

The nipples, tortured and abused by her cruel hands were soothed when Mikasa’s tongue gently lapped over the pain. And it felt good, great even, the content sigh leaving Eren’s throat on its own. It made her giggle, just how naïve her Dark Knight was.

The pleasure changed into pain at a moment's notice because now teeth were clamping down on his nipple, forcing Eren’s body to trash around some more. Pain was a great teacher, but Mikasa shouldn’t be overdoing this. There would be time to play around with that later, once they are more comfortable with this whole setting.

Then again…

She did abandon his nipples, after a few more bites, but couldn’t resist the plane of pale skin that made up Eren’s abdomen. That area simply begged to be marked, and Mikasa obliged, dragging her nails over it. Black fingernails created red scratches in their path, and they looked so angry that she had to bow down and soothe the area with a few kitten licks. There, all better?

Oh right, Eren couldn’t talk. What a shame.

This whole journey had a single destination in mind, and Mikasa was finally nearing it. Her pain-and-pleasure train was pulling in the end station, leaving an artistic creation of red and black in its path. What a beautiful canvas Eren’s body was, and Mikasa couldn’t wait to create some real art with wax one day. Or a whip for that matter.

Or maybe something more permanent, a tattoo, if she could convince him….

Back to the present – she reminded herself – there was still a lot to be done. The rest of Eren’s body covered, it was high time to move on to the main prize, a statement that he would very much agree with if he could. Eren did know what foreplay was and did it in the past, but being this ruined without having Mikasa even touch his member was something new. There was a lot of sweat on his skin, tears in the corners of his eyes beneath the blindfold, and the gag had the unfortunate side effect of drooling. He was truly nothing more than Mikasa’s toy right now.

It was a good existence.

Now then - Blowjob was a thing that Mikasa wasn’t very keen on at the start, because how was a girl supposed to find pleasure in sucking a cock? Eren has been the one who broke the barrier of oral sex, and him going down on her was a thing that she cherished. Admittedly he sucked at first but was a very quick learner and eager to please his goth girlfriend. Combine these two and soon Mikasa was enjoying very quality cunnilingus at a healthy rate. She liked French kissing already but having Eren’s tongue between her legs was a much, much better alternative. Not very suitable for public places though. Unless...

More on that later, because enjoying his mouth so often meant that Mikasa’s strong sense of equality bit her in the ass.

Begrudgingly curious, she tried the oral thing too and honestly it wasn’t as bad as she feared. Sure, the taste was nothing to write home about and it gave her nothing apart from a sore throat but there were other benefits to it. It made Eren fall apart at seams very easily and because of how the act was performed it fed her dominant side – she was in charge of his pleasure and could take it away at a moment’s notice.

Now it was even better.

Tied up, blind and mute he was her plaything. When Mikasa’s mouth slide over his stretched boxers, kissing the length that strained against the cloth, Eren let out a whine of a dying animal. His underwear had a wet spot at the head, and she made sure to kiss that more than once, knowing where the sensitiveness was.

“Would you like me to take you in my mouth?”

“Mmmm!”

“What was that? I can’t hear you…”

“Mmm.”, Eren trashed above her, mouth working around the gag to make another “Mhhm.”

“Oh well, since you can’t speak I guess I’ll have to decide for myself.”, changing her hold Mikasa let the tips of her fingers drum against the head, “Hmmm, what am I going to do with you…”

Eren gave up on “mmm-ing” for now, knowing that she would just make fun of him for it and fell back to his previous tactic which was praying silently and hoping that Mikasa won’t do anything too cruel. For once luck was on his side.

“I guess that I can give it a try.”, she decided, tugging his boxers out of the way and throwing them somewhere in the room. Now he was fully naked beneath her while Mikasa didn’t take a single piece of clothing off. Domination, what a magical activity.

Finally uncovered, Eren’s length was now standing at full mast, begging for attention that Mikasa didn’t know if she wanted to give. Seeing the head glisten so much just from the foreplay did make her happy though. The process of converting her vanilla Dark Knight into a “Darker” one was going along swimmingly.

Ever the tease Mikasa took her time in kissing and biting the sensitive skin of Eren’s crotch, completely ignoring the erect part in the middle. Only when the whines from above grew truly desperate did she grace it with a look.

Just to see the reaction and because she wanted to Mikasa's finger flicked the glistening part, causing a flair of pain to shoot up in Eren’s brain. Look, nipples are sensitive but it's nothing compared to this, and he gave it the appropriate reaction by the tension that appeared in his legs and the protesting noise.

Too bad, because Mikasa found it fun.

Grabbing the length and angling it to the side she sank her teeth into it instead, and that was quite something. The muffled scream amused her greatly, especially knowing that it wasn’t so bad because she didn’t put much force behind the bite. To his credit – Eren didn’t move his hands from where they lay, fisting the bedding instead. In a corner of his mind he was very much aware of the fact that should he disobey Mikasa the punishment could be severe – even worse than this small innocent bite.

Seeing that he didn’t protest or fight back, she decided that it was a time for a reward. The carrot and stick analogy worked only if there was some carrot to balance out the stick. Closing her mouth around the head she sucked on it lightly, moving her hand up and down over the rest of his length.

It was amazing, and if Eren would be pressed he would confess that it was even more amazing than usual. Mikasa, during their relationship, did the thing she always did – set her mind on becoming good at literally anything and fulfilled that. Her blowjobs evolved from okay to fucking great to oh my god I could die right now and I would go as a happy man. That was the one Eren was getting, and combined with how restrained his body was?

Perfection.

All the pain and suffering Mikasa put him through was instantly worth it and he would go through it again and again just to feel this – the way her tongue toyed with the head, how she swallowed around his length to ease the passage down into the throat.

It was a test of Mikasa too because she really wanted to push her finger up Eren’s ventilation shaft – if you catch her meaning. But no, jamming your digit into your partner’s ass is a dick move if done without consent, plus it was something they had to work towards first. One day she would claim that place too, but not today. Eren was already giving her so much, there was no need to push his boundaries.

To prevent herself from doing something she would regret Mikasa occupied her hand differently, by sliding it into her underwear. She was wet, understandably so, and her fingers slid nicely along her opening. As her mouth slid down his length so did her digits found their way inside herself.

Dividing her attention between the blowjob and her own pleasure, Mikasa worked them both up to a nicely excited state but not too much – she didn’t want either of them to finish right now. With a few more swallows around him she let Eren in deep, the tip bumping the back of her throat and forcing a gag reflex. Not one to give up she fought against it, managing to deepthroat him in a few tries.

So low she went that Mikasa’s nose brushed over the pubic hair in the region, giving him as much space as she physically could. The pleasured groaning from above was worth it, and tilting her head she could see the trail of drool running down Eren’s chin, proof of just how much control he was losing over his body. She liked that, and it made the place between her legs tingle. Okay, that should be good enough. With a pop Mikasa pulled the fingers from her wetness, intent on finally getting on with the show.

But not before playing with Eren’s balls for a bit.

Forcing herself to stop after a while, Mikasa pulled back and straightened her back, not minding the spit that was now smeared all over him. Fishing a condom from her nightstand and reminding herself for like a hundredth time that she has to look into other forms of anti-conception because she wanted Eren to do her raw, Mikasa tore the packet open with the teeth. The implant thing looked good as a long-term solution, or maybe some pills so she could…

Another “mmm” from Eren reminded her that she should focus on the task at hand.

“Relax babe,”, she praised him a little, “I got you.”

With a movement that she learned from practicing on bananas, Mikasa rolled the condom over his length in one swift movement. She could do that with her mouth too, but since Eren was blindfolded there was no reason to use that now – no one to impress.

The next step was to prepare herself, so the goth pushed the – at this point quite soaked – panties down her legs, kicking them away. Unlike Eren she was still fully clothed, and that gave her a feeling of power Mikasa enjoyed. No other piece needed to be removed, because she was wearing a skirt and her fishnet stockings ended at the upper thighs, held in place by garters, meaning that the important part of her body was uncovered.

Or maybe the skirt could go too, it would only get in the way.

Unzipping the short red-and-black piece and throwing it away she moved herself up on the knees, positioning her opening above the latex-covered head. To tease a little she dragged it against her slit but didn’t let Eren in yet, rubbing it against her clit instead. It felt surprisingly good.

“Mmph.”, from above, a crinkle of the chain as Eren’s hands moved involuntarily.

“Shhh, patience.”

A few more slides had Eren truly groaning into the ball gag, drool leaking from the corner of his lips even more. Okay, enough is enough, it would be a shame for him to tap out now.

“Time for your reward,”, she purred, “since you behaved so well.”

Grabbing the length and angling it correctly Mikasa sat down, moaning slightly when the tip penetrated her outer lips. She was wet and the condom was lubed, so it went in fairly nicely yet Mikasa still went slow, loving the feeling of total control. Down and up she slid, impaling herself inch by delicious inch, feeling the stretch of her sex as she accommodated the length.

Beneath her, Eren was having the time of his life. Blowjob into sex was an incredible treat, and he was slowly realizing that being a submissive can honestly be pretty damn great. Sure, he was in Mikasa’s power but she was also focused on his needs only. Not that he didn’t enjoy going down on her, because she had a unique taste that he honestly liked, but this was an interesting change of pace. And, if he was being honest with himself, the pain did tingle a part of his brain that Eren didn’t know he had.

Ever since they broke the “intimate” barrier and started having sex, Mikasa enjoyed the cowgirl position. Riding Eren gave her the control she enjoyed, same as with the blowjob, and unlike that activity this gave her pleasure as well. He was far from complaining about it too, as Mikasa on top was an amazing experience – not only because of the feeling but the sight too. Her sitting on top of his hips, those amazing mouth-watering abdominals jerking back and forth or up and down, pleasuring both him and herself by their connection. He loved when she touched herself while being on top, rubbing her clit in rapid tiny circles, did his best to assist her too. He loved that uncontrollable spasms of her muscles once Mikasa got close, leaning back to grab onto his thighs as she rode him to their completion. He loved it when she tilted her face up, hair fanning behind her head like a midnight curtain, moaning out loud.

Yup, amazing.

The blindfold unluckily robbed Eren of such a sight right now, but the loss of senses meant that everything he felt now was that more intense. Which was nothing short of amazing, considering that the most sensitive part of his body was squeezed in a vice-like grip of Mikasa’s sex, parting wet and hot walls as she kept sliding down and down.

And then she was fully seated on his hips, taking a moment to catch her breath. The stretch was there, and despite being delightful Mikasa had to move a bit to make her body truly appreciate it. For now, she was only feeling full, too full maybe as he was quite well endowed. So, after a small breather, Mikasa began sliding back and forth, stretching herself.

The sliding changed into circles, her hips knowing what to do automatically at this point. Small, then bigger ones, she circled until the unpleasantness trickled away. Stretched out and ready Mikasa moved on to the next part of her plan.

Up and high she went, almost too high as Eren’s length was taken away from its warm happy place, an act that he didn’t appreciate. With a needy “mmm” from his gagged mouth, hips moved in chase of hers, trying to place himself back into that amazing muscled sheath. Normally this would be okay, as Mikasa appreciated when he tried helping her riding him, but tonight was not a normal night.

“Down.”, she growled, her hand pushing at Eren’s abdomen with that unnatural strength her lean body possessed, “No moving.”

Forced back into the mattress, Eren whined in protest but obeyed. To remind him of her dominance, Mikasa leaned forward until her face was right in front of his. Taking a hold of Eren’s chin she forced his head to stay still – gazing into the place where his emerald eyes were, hidden beneath the blindfold.

“I said,”, her hot breath washed over Eren’s face when she spoke, “Stay still.”

There was still a little rebellion in the creak on his forehead, and Mikasa wanted an obedient sub tonight.

“If you disobey me again I will stop completely, get off of you, pull out my vibrator and then all you can do is listen to me moan while I make myself cum.”, she threatened him, “Understood?”

Eren’s nostrils flared when he breathed, his fucked-out brain filling with the dread this course of action would cause. Being kept on the edge was one thing but edging without a happy ending was not an experience Eren would like. A defeated “Mmm.”, left his gagged mouth, indicating his full surrender.

Like the kind mistress she was, Mikasa patted his cheek again.

“Good boy.”

And then she was leaning backward – ready to take her cowgirl to the next level. Hands anchored on Eren’s thighs, feet found purchase on her black bedding and slowly yet surely Mikasa was striking a tempo again. Slowly was the right word because she started very slow, testing if Eren would truly obey her. Once more she went up, unsheathing him from herself almost completely, and waited at the top. To her pleasant surprise there was no reaction apart from the little whine. It would appear that Eren had been truly broken.

Very well then.

With no need to test him anymore and more than ready to go at it Mikasa began riding him in the earnest. Up and down, up and down, up and down. The bed creaked beneath them, the slaps of her ass into his hips loud in the room. The gag that until now was only robbing Eren of the ability to speak was useful for once because he could sink his teeth into it. Close, he was very close but finishing before Mikasa would be disrespectful to all the work she did, and he clenched his muscles to hold himself back.

Realizing how on edge Eren was, Mikasa slid one hand down to rub at her clit, the wet sounds joining those already produced by his length disappearing into her. And the coil tightened and tightened and tightened, and it was doing so faster than usual because anytime Mikasa opened her eyes she saw this-

Eren beneath her, hands above his head in complete surrender, red lips clenched around the gag and eyes behind a blindfold. Wrists – cuffed together too. The proof of her conquest was everywhere – the scratches on his body, the trail of black lipstick everywhere. The bites were there too, littered all over the skin, and it all culminated into one thing and one thing only.

Finally, they were doing it, moving past the vanilla stage into something Mikasa enjoyed more, and it did wonders to her libido. At the threshold for now but Eren was one foot over, being pulled in by his enchanting girlfriend. Their exploration began here, but where did it end? Well….

The possibilities combined with the pleasure Mikasa was receiving both from her hand and the twitching length inside her and finally keeled her over. The coil snapped and Mikasa gasped loudly, her body going into that strange mode where she had no control of it yet it kept moving. Unable to bounce anymore it resorted back to sliding and it only made the climax that much better.

Eren could hear it because she was loud enough to overcome the rushing blood, and he could most definitely feel it because her sheath collapsed all around him, the walls caving in and squeezing him almost painfully. There were limits to what his body could do and resisting the incredible massage Mikasa’s sex could produce once it was stuck in its climax were far above them.

With yet another long and drawn-out moan Eren came too, emptying himself in the rubber with several jerks of the hips. And then they were still, with Mikasa’s body collapsed on top of his, doing little more than breathing…

….

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that she regained enough control to push herself up and roll away from his body. Mikasa disposed of the condom too before pulling the blindfold from Eren’s eyes. The first thing she noticed were the small tears in the corners of his eyes, but the fear that she’s overdone her first lesson disappeared the moment the gag was pulled out because his mouth formed a huge, immensely satisfied smile.

“So?”, she asked, still nervous about his answer, “Did you like it?”

The nervousness came from several sources- first – this was the first time Mikasa ever dommed anyone other than herself, second – she wanted this to work because she enjoyed it so much. But any feeling of dread was useless because Eren’s answer blew it out of the water.

“Did I like it? I loved it!”

“You did?”

“Yea! That was amazing.”

“Well… good.”

“No, good doesn’t cut it honestly.”, knowing no other way to say thanks, Eren surprised Mikasa with a kiss, one that she happily returned.

“Thank you.”, he whispered against her lips, covered by smudged black lipstick, “I love you even more now that you showed me this.”

“Does that mean that we are doing more in the future?”

The grin was everything Mikasa hoped for.

“You bet.”

But now he was tired, and so was she, and both of them needed a shower. While they both shared sweat and other things, Eren’s body was also covered by black smudges, a reminder of the route Mikasa took to reach that place between his legs.

And honestly? She should finally undress. Oh, and take the cuffs away from Eren’s wrists, that should be done too.

“Shower?”, she asked, getting a quick nod in return.

“After that, can you show me some other toys you have?”

“Damn, this eager?”

“I don’t want to use them! I mean, not yet, but I would like to see what else you have stashed.”

You know what? A small fetish-exploring tour of Mikasa’s collection was a better plan for the night than watching a movie. Yes, even if it was Twilight.

“Sure.”, she agreed, getting up from the bed and pulling Eren up too.

Hand-in-hand they headed towards the bathroom with Mikasa leaving a small trail of clothing behind her. They could always pick them up later, and Levi wasn’t here to chew her out for it.

Luckily.

#eremika #fanfic #snk #fanart inspired #🙏

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serinemolecule · 4 years ago

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Not to harp on the obvious, but the discussion feels hollow without it: the only reason some people - not all, maybe not most, but definitely some - push for "equality" and "inclusiveness" and etc. in tech is because it's seen as a desirable and powerful position. No one's been belly-aching about it back when it was fashionable to tell nerds to stop being fat and ugly and what a bunch of losers they are. It's only up for discussion now that there's something to be gained from it. It's hypocrisy.

(context: a lot of women-in-tech discourse)

I mean, I was belly-aching about it.

I like to say I was a feminist until I met other feminists. I definitely saw plenty of things nerds could be doing better for equality. But then the first time I met other feminists, they were harassing nerds and writing long essays about how nerds were even worse than average men (which still seems to me like an absolutely insane position).

That was... a really big crisis of faith there. I spent years reading feminist literature, trying to understand their point. And the crazy thing was, a lot of the principles and concepts do appeal to me. But then the way they’d apply it, talking about how privileged nerds were, or just using it as an excuse to be assholes to people, that’s always seemed wrong to me.

My approach at the time was just to try to understand it better in private, and never talk about it in public. This lasted until I read the SSC essays on social justice which I entirely agreed on, then I joined Tumblr to hit on Scott, and since then I started getting more comfortable with writing out my thoughts, but also the really bad SJ of the early 2010s just mostly faded away from the spaces I’m in. I still hear insane stories from other places (like the New York Times! wtf!) but it no longer feels like a crisis afflicting my own community, so I never wrote anything out.

Part of it’s that my community is the rats, now. SJWs may still exist here, but they don’t have a social power to turn us against each other. Whatever effect Topher’s tweet had on the rest of the world, it means he’s no longer welcome among rats anymore. We dismiss them with equanimity using the ancient proverb, “Haters gonna hate”.

Anyway, I suppose now’s as good a time as any for me to talk about what I think about feminist theory.

I get the impression that Scott is embarrassed by his old posts on gender politics, but I still endorse every word. Even the words people like to criticize the most, I endorse as an angry expression of “Why don’t you care about how many people your ideology is hurting?” That said:

Privilege theory – I remember encountering privilege theory and thinking “yes, this totally fits the model that normies are privileged and nerds are marginalized”, until I got to the part where they started talking about how privileged nerds were. I think the theory is still pretty good, and of course the practice about writing privilege checklists and using it to silence people is incredibly fucked up.

Patriarchy theory – Fortunately, no one talks about patriarchy theory anymore. It came from the radfems and it always seemed horrible to me. It's uncontroversially true that ruling class is mostly male, but patriarchy theory seems to just equivocate between that and insane conspiracy theories.

For example, “culture is built for the benefit of men at the expense of women” requires you to just dismiss everything that hurts men and helps women, to excuse that fashion policing is nearly solely perpetuated by other women, and even if it’s true, the fact that it is perpetuated by everyone means pointing the finger at a specific group will not help fix the problem. Did Kamala Harris exercise “girl power” when she kept black prisoners in jail past their release date?

Cultural appropriation – The usual steelman I hear for this is “it sucks when white people take your culture for themselves, and yet still call it cringe when you practice your own culture” – but the only objectionable part is the latter! Stop objecting to the former part! There’s nothing wrong with culture mixing and it is in fact one of the most beautiful things in the world!

Part of it’s that I’m a first-gen immigrant, and cultural appropriation attitudes often come from insecurities second-gen immigrants have. Cultural appropriation just means I’m now an expert on your new culture and you’re not allowed to stop me from infodumping on it.

The other steelman is “misusing religious artifacts is bad” and I think to the extent that it’s bad, it’s bad whether you’re doing it to your own culture or to other cultures.

In general I think Halloween was, among other things, a great celebration of diversity that did not need to be cancelled, and I don’t think any costume was offensive to the majority of any culture.

Intersectionality – This word confused me for so long. People kept explaining it as “black women often have problems specific to their group that neither women’s groups nor black groups themselves are equipped to fight” which just seemed obviously true and didn’t seem like we needed a word for it.

Over the years, I’ve seen it be used as a reminder of “don’t forget how your activism affects other marginalized groups”, so it’s probably a useful concept to keep around.

Microaggressions – I think being oblivious to microaggressions is an autism thing, but I still think it’s insane to make them a political issue. Sure, you can vent about them, but acting like they’re on par with actual aggressions just seems like a losing cause.

On second thought, I don’t think I have a problem with making them a political issue in general. I think the whole tactic of SJWs being a hateful harassment mob makes the microaggressions thing just come off as especially petty.

I also think there’s a lot of competing access needs here. I actually really like infodumping about what kind of Asian I am to anyone willing to listen, and I think acting like the question is the root of all evil is really unfair, especially since literally everyone who’s ever asked has been happy to learn about the finer points about Chinese ethnic groups.

Isms as prejudice + power – People have mostly stopped discoursing about this, which is good. Language policing always seemed bad to me.

Objectification – SSC says everything I feel on the topic: https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/03/17/my-objections-to-objectification/

The last time this came up in Discord, people said that objectification is more than the straw-man being criticized in this article, that it’s about people being entitled to your body or whatever. But I think the article does address that: “This is obviously a legitimate complaint. It’s just not a complaint about objectification.”

I got exposed to objectification as a criticism of hot girls in video games. And I just can’t see hot girls in video games as a bad thing.

Rape culture – [cw rape] This is an incredibly sensitive subject so I’m going to give you some time to stop reading here.

Our culture has a serious problem with rape. I think it’s important to understand that it’s usually committed by friends and family, that it’s depressingly common and has nearly definitely happened to people you know, that it’s usually committed by people who don’t think of what they’re doing as rape, and that all the discourse on it is really fucked up.

I also think that calling this “rape culture” entirely misses the point. I’m sympathetic that SSC doesn’t understand it: https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/19/i-do-not-understand-rape-culture/

Our problem isn’t that we glorify rape. Our problem is that we consider it a special kind of evil so bad that of course no normal person would ever do it, and this makes it easy to rationalize that whatever this normal person did couldn’t have been rape, which causes huge harms.

I don’t have answers, but I think it’s incredibly clear that calling it “rape culture” doesn’t help.

In general, I don’t think feminist activism on the topic of rape goes in the right direction. The smug “consent is like tea” video has the exact same problem. People don’t need to hear more “normal people would never rape” messaging.

#gender politics

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obeymeaskme · 3 years ago

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Obey Me!: Human and Demon Hearts!

A/N: Just a reminder to check out my pinned post to see all the chapters!

Chapter Four: The Incident (1/2)

Word count: 1,604

Rating: 18+

By the time Tuesday morning had arrived, Satan had already bragged to the whole household about how he 'found a cure for Noelle's pesky ailment'. This was the reason everyone was sitting at the table waiting. After all it was the first time most of the brothers saw Noelle since Sunday morning, excluding Asmo who tried to charm her a second time at school, and Levi who was forced to be near her due to being her guide. Thankfully the relations between the others in the house hadn't gotten any worse than before.

The explanation was simple. She has to learn to control, her own magic.

"Someone has to teach her magic." Satan said with a blissful smile. The others groaned against it. Most of them. Asmodeus seemed to want to take that responsibility in a heartbeat.

"Oh! I can do it! After all I'm one of the few who won't try and tear her to shreds~"

Noelle and Bella shared a concerned look at his request. Neither fully confident his intentions were pure. Thankfully, Lucifer was on the same page as they were.

"You will do no such thing Asmodeus. We will let Leviathan handle it."

"WHAT!?"

Everyone turned their heads towards the serpent demon and his outburst. He hadn't been paying full attention to the conversation. So the news of him being forced to teach the 'Normie' shocked him.

"Why me! That's so unfair!"

Lucifer gave his final retort.

"You're the only one who hasn't spent nearly as much time as the others. Perhaps if you weren't lost in your anime fantasies and actually tried to get along with Noelle, you could have gone under my radar…"

The conversation seemed to end there, and so did the meeting. Everyone had gone off on their own ways, eager to continue their activities. Everyone but Levi, and Noelle.

Even under Lucifer's instructions Leviathan had managed to keep her at a distance. He had her follow him to the library, and tossed her a book. It was a book on beginners' magic. His grand plan was for her to learn on her own while he played games on his hand held device. No matter how hard Noelle tried, she couldn't gather the courage to ask him questions when they occurred.

The rest of the day went by slowly, and Noelle and Bella finally had a chance to catch up with each other. Both of them burrowing themselves under Bella's mountain of stuffed animals. Her being the first to speak.

"So… You and Levi huh?"

Noelle sighed and nodded in response, letting her friend do the talking.

"I'm sorry if it's not going well for you. Look at the bright side! You get to learn magic. That's pretty cool."

Noelle gave another nod, this time adding a forced smile, and verbally interacting.

"Yeah. I asked Satan for help but when he starts, he doesn't seem to slow down. We both figured I'd be better off on my own."

"What about Lord Diavolo? He's such a big shot, why doesn't he get you a tutor?"

Noelle shrugged.

"I tried that. A tutor is too much use of the school's resources, and Lord D is really keen on the brothers being our guide…"

"That sucks…"

Night came around which it gave Noelle a chance to rest before tomorrow. The only hope of her gaining Levi's companionship was just a sunset away.

Morning came with it's usual dark and hazy atmosphere. Bella had stretched her way out of bed, trying not to trip over the passed out Belphegor who made his nest on her floor. They had watched a movie the night before, both falling asleep halfway through.

On her way going downstairs she came across Noelle, who was just now coming out of her room. They exchanged a quick hello, and gathered their school supplies. Noelle took a deep breath and followed her out the door. On the way to school a group of lower level demons had been slouching around the gates of the entryway. These were the same group of demons that have been bugging both girls throughout the week prior. But most of their pranks were pretty plain, and nothing to be concerned about, especially when Beel was hanging around them. At least, up until today.

"Hey Human Meatballs! Where do you think you're going?"

The girls did their best to ignore them. But sometimes ignoring someone in hopes they go away doesn't work. Especially with demons. In one quick motion one of the demons had snagged Bella by the hoodie, pulling her back into their grasps. Noelle had panicked and followed them, trying to grab onto Bella as much as possible. Anger in her voice.

"HEY! Let go of her, you dumb asses!"

The demon's mocking tones was their only response. Thinking quickly on her feet she unzipped Bella's sweater, giving her friend a makeshift get away. Noelle on the other hand felt a sharp pain in her arm, as the others grabbed and pulled on her. Then all at once, they stopped. Hands frozen in place.

The air surrounding them grew thick and heavy. Out of Noelle's eyesight, a familiar growl was heard. Without warning all three demons turned on their heels and ran off. Noelle had turned around to see what made them flee, her heart beating in her chest. She calmed down quickly seeing the familiar blue eyes of Satan as he rushed to her side.

"I saw everything. How's your arm?"

"My arm-"

As soon as she moved her limb, a shot of pain rippled through it. Satan had pulled the sleeve back, even against Noelle's howls of protest. The skin was cut deeply and it was bleeding. Satan rubbed his hand over it and growled, dragging her along to sit on a bench.

"I have to go get Lucifer. He's the only one who can help-"

"NO!"

Satan looked at her in shock. His head tilted in confusion.

"It's… not that bad. Please, promise me you won't tell him. If he figures out I got into a fight, let alone one that got me hurt, he'll send me back to the human world! He'll force me to leave Bella by herself!"

Satan took a deep, unsure breath and agreed to keep it a secret. For now he patched her up to the best of his abilities, and they went through school like nothing happened.

Neither of them saw the demon bullies for the rest of the day.

The school day itself went along well. Assignments had been finished in most of the girl's classes so they found themselves wandering the hallways multiple times. Noelle had checked up on her, and returned her sweater during a study hall. Both of them trying to find ways to patch up the holes that were left behind.

Satan had joined them on the way back to the House, along with Beel and Belphegor who both apologized for not being around during the earlier encounter. But that didn't matter. They were back home where it was safe.

Noelle had just barely flopped on her bed when a knock was heard on the door. Once back up on her feet, she found a small package sitting outside of her room. Her excitement grew knowing exactly what it was. She all but slammed the door and sat at her crafting table, taking out a sharp knife to open the package.

Sitting inside was the Ruri-chan figurine she'd been waiting for. She'd never really won anything with raffles, especially not with something so wide-scaled. Immediately she took Ruri-chan out of the cluttered shipping paper and ran to Levi's room, knocking on it.

"What's the password?"

Noelle giggles to herself, not knowing the password but knowing how to get his attention.

"Does the sound of a Ruri-chan special edition Soda Brand Figurine count?"

Almost instantly she was met with Orange eyes, and swept hair. Her high energy quickly faded the longer he glared at the box in her hands.

"How did you get that?"

Noelle shrunk back as black hot ashes flaked off from Levi's body.

"I heard about the figurine contest and decided to give it a try?"

They locked eyes, and Levi gave an airy hiss, backing her up across the hallway, demon form unleashed.

"So what? You came here to rub it in my face? Mock me for being an Otaku or something? That's pretty stupid, not to mention low-"

Noelle began to squeeze her eyes shut, not being able to look at him out of fear. She didn't even see him grab her injured arm until it was too late. Even when she was brought to her knees he still persisted.

"And all you ever do is mock me behind my back right? That's why you're so chummy with my brothers too, right? You think I'm so below you, even if you're just a Normie-"

"LET GO!"

Noelle had quickly tossed the box at him, hitting him in the face. He released her, ignoring her silent sobs as she gripped her arm. It took him a few minutes to process the blood on his hand wasn't from his face. Looking down at her, he slowly pieced together the two things that had just happened.

A 'Normie' had wanted to help him win something he wasn't going to get on his own, and how aggressive he was towards her. Concerned that he broke her arm, he pulled her up and ran with her to the bathroom. His heart beat finally steadied as he saw bleeding scratch marks, and nothing to indicate he broke any bones.

#obey me: human and demon hearts #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphagor #obey me fanfic #obey me oc

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