#so actually i was much happier home
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so i "did nothing" today of what i had planned (groceries, 'mental health walk') but i also : - did the laundry - put away the dry cloth of the previous laundry run - waxed (which i wanted to do yesterday so i'm glad i did it now) - practiced my instrument (twas not great as it was a bit mindless, but i finally found the source of one recent sound problem) - washed my hair - did a little callisthenics - downloaded some songs to begin making a collection - learned that even if i'm not feeling it, putting the right song WILL give me the energy necessary to do the thing. i do not need to want to hear the sound for it to work.
so even if i didn't do a "specific activity" outside i still did things and that's good !
#3615 my life#this post comes from the fact that i always 'ruin / waste' my holidays by doing 'nothing'#when i want to do 'things'#and i'm beginning to see/add nuances to what is things and nothings and what feels like doing or not doing#it was sunny today (as much as it can be lately.) and in general i'm dog holding it's leash about it#and if i don't go out i feel like i shot myself in the foot and is doubly sad#but i thought about it and actually didn't want to go truly it was not uuuh i saw it again lately. it was not demand avoidance#because it's fucking wimdy and i hate the wind and behinf outside in the cold wind#so actually i was much happier home#day did not happen how i planned it but in the end i don't feel like i fucked it up. i did things that made me feel good#and or will help me later#and i shouldn't ask too much of myself. like for cleaning : one thing a day is already great ! all in it's time.#that's how the brain learn it's not a chore and is able to do it more readily and agreeably the next time
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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im going back to my emeryverse ash teams and im starting to regret trying to do these in order. mostly because kanto is gonna be the most annoying one to figure out. i crank ash's rotation team issues up to eleven with this one. and trying to add more pokemon to his roster that will only stay for a bit is like... "ok am i giving him this pokemon because he would actually go for it or am i giving it to him because I Like It"
#im making him like ACTUALLY a bad trainer here at first. not maliciously obviously he is still a good kid#i mean bad as in ''this kid's guidance isn't really fantastic and he isn't all that supported.''#i worry that it sounds meanspirited towards kanto to say that my version of ash doesnt feel at home with it (besides pallet town)#given how much i bitched about kanto favoritism during my rewatch. but i swear its not that. i do appreciate kanto more now#its that like. ash is noticably happier once hes in the orange islands and johto in the show and i wanna play on that.#combined with how nasty kanto could get towards him#ALSO i dont like dupes and like to avoid them as much as i can besides starters#so i dont wanna give him something a companion already has. so my fave gen 1 mons are all off the table because of this LMAO
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So is anyone else going rabid thinking about ostaros and nightshade parallels or is it just me
#babbles#sORRY FOR ALL THE EARTHSPARK TALK I JUST#MY BELOVED SPIDER F/O. HE IS HOME AND I COULDNT BE HAPPIER HES PERFECT#SO SO SO PERFECT....#earthspark spoilers#maccadam#transformers#earthspark#i wasnt expecting much of his idw characterization here but they actually did really really good#at translating those themes and general concept into this new context#the themes of parenthood and possessiveness and everything they did REMARKABLY well at#like it really is just idw tarantulas for kids and i dont say that to demean it they do really good at making those themes#for kids. like we all joke like haha tarn in earthspark or w/e but that could never happen#but this? they really really made 'idw tarantulas but defanged for kids' WORK andits sooo good#the dynamic w him and nightshade is so perfect...#and the talk of alt modes in the first batch of episodes (im 4/8 through) is so. Good. and so transgender also#it makes me happy. god i love this show a lot im so excited to continue#tarantulas my love<33333333333333
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Tbh my life would be pretty perfect right now if my current part time janitoring job paid. Like. A livable wage. Genuinely love doing it, the hours are perfect, I like my coworkers (and don’t have to interact with them much which might contribute to that lol), it leaves me so much time and energy afterward to enjoy my day and live my life—
Except I’m still scraping the bottom of my savings to pay the Existing Fees. Not quite as fast, which is nice, definitely, but like. What if I wasn’t in the red and had this job I think is important and enjoy but also doesn’t consume 110% of my whole life. What then, huh? I might have a good time? I might actually have a chance of kicking my constant SI at some point? Can’t have that can we? Misery is the currency that runs the world isn’t it? Can’t have people having a good time. We might be better off as a society then and that’s not allowed obviously
#still a bit jet lagged so it’s 2 pm and I’m delirious but like#come on#come the fuck ON I could actually be HAPPY it’s like RIGHT there I can fucking see it#it’s just an entire decimal point away#and that might as well be the other side of the universe#ramblings#tbh this is the most optimistic and well-adjusted I’ve managed to be about my life in. well pretty much ever#I am happier than I was and you have no idea how amazing it is to wake up at 5 am and be like ‘alright! let’s get ready and go to work :)’#and have that be genuine!! not a forced smile hanging onto my last thinning thread! I’m#I walk to work and every day I think ‘it’s a beautiful morning’#and I come home and think ‘I’m tired but satisfied. let’s take a break and get some chores done’#and I’ve NEVER been that. idk. FUNCTIONAL in my life before#but this is unsustainable#bc I need to get a different job that pays enough at some point#or replace the time I have to maintain my home with another job#which I know would overtax me and make me miserable unless it was a /perfect/ fit as work for me#it’s not fair#it’s so STUPID#it’s just. INEFFICIENT#and I’m still fairly privileged and lucky#like. fuck. everything is just so fucked
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fresh out the slammer personal thoughts in tags
#okay well. as someone who was kind of floundering and thought grad school was like my only REAL path forward and then fell in love#immediately after i applied to school and ended up getting accepted and having to move away and spend some of the worst months of my life#finding out grad school is actually NOT the end all be all and i was much happier before and understand now why they lost their minds and#fought the wars bc i will (and have) move(d) mountains for her because she is my favorite person and we’re doing the work and#now i’m abt to leave school in 3 weeks to move home and see her for the first time since january……#fresh out the slammer making me bawl like a fucking BABY#i think all the time about something sarah marshall said during ywa series on princess diana that’s like: something shifts in your life and#suddenly a thing that seemed so insurmountable before just. doesn’t feel insurmountable anymore…..like yeah#this is probably incoherent because i’m typing through my tears but if u read all of this just know ily
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okay. Just planned out my next two weeks and change and i THINK i will not die!
#there is soooooooo much schoolwork but i’m managing my time soooooooooo well#i’m honestly really fucking proud of myself for what i’ve accomplished#but i’ll be MUCH happier when it’s all actually done#we are SO close!#HOME STRETCH BABEY!!!!!!!!!#anyways in the end i’m glad i made a billion plans over the next three weeks#i DESERVE a good time and - with proper time management - i CAN do it all!#i’m fuckin READY#actually literally hate that i thrive under pressure but also like. thank GOD lmao
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There's a joke in here somewhere about slapping and hurting me hits the "get wet" button but I'm too tired to write it
#i don't think i can fully express how happy i am here#just over a week left which sucks#but i get to sleep in their bed in their clothes#even if my body sucks and is bleeding a tonne for some reason#feral goes mia because they get to spend time with the wife tm#honestly my biggest realisation while being here is that eventhough having kids grosses me tf put snd id rather die than having any#i understand why people have them now#for the first time in my life#like i actually understand#because when they're cuddled in my arms and their cat is on my stomach ive never been happier#and when we're both just giving scritches to the baby its just so nice#feels like home#and like family#and i understand ehy people want that#anyway im gay for them eventhough anxiety is bad and my body is making it so much worse#queer nsft#lgbt nsft#nblw nsft#nsft#lesbian nsft#sapphic nsft#wlw nsft#nsft wlw#wlw ns/fw#ill write about what happened at some point if i dont forget
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Tomorrow I am going to buy baldurs gate as soon as I've finished work and I am BUZZING WITH EXCITEMENT
#delete later#good luck to me sleeping tonight#and i gotta write my report tomorrow but ive finished the coding part of the project#im excited#im so happy work is nearly finished for a week#and im staying home!!! im gonna eat good food and play fun games and make chainmail!#Christmas makes me so much happier when i just ignore most of it. its too overwhelming otherwise#ill probably watch the muppets christmas carol bc i love the Muppets but otherwise i honestly like treating it so casually#i think i just find big holidays so overwhelming that i need to keep things level. same as my birthday. i dread it every year#but this year it was relaxing and nice and we did one thing and otherwise it was a normal day just with gifts#living with autism is wild and learning that sticking to my routine and other regulating things even on days when#youre supposed to be spontaneous and busy is very good. it helps. and staying regulated is a high priority now that i can#actually do it and have control over my life#ANYWAY im so excited for baldurs gate 3. my flatmate has told me the things that will frustrate me which is actually very#helpful in preparing me so that i dont immediately get frustrated and upset. very excited
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I saw Barbie last night, I dont think i have a long film review of it for yall but idk I'll put some thoughts under a readmore I guess?
-Right off the bat, I enjoyed it, it was fun. It was a fun pink poppy romp. Thats about what I expected of it, and thats pretty much what I got
-Its not particularly radical in its gender/feminism takes, its very basic, which, I saw a number of ppl mention that before I saw it so I wasnt expecting anything radical. It couldve done better. it was. fine. im shrug about it i guess.
-My mom enjoyed it and was apparently not expecting any sort of emotional depth or story at all so it caught her off guard. I heard her crying. she cries easy at movies. I'm glad my mom liked it. Maybe she'll absorb some of the very basic feminism it drops idk.
-I knew the Kens adopted patriarchy and introduced it to Barbieland but it felt lile that happened very fast, idk.
-The ending....I. is her going to a gynecologist supposed to be like. shes gotten a vagina by deciding to be human?? or is she trying to schedule a surgery or something? that felt pretty weird to me if im honest, i thought it was gonna be a job interview or smth... Especially with how everyone was like "Barbie is ace (heheeh i agree) cos she has no genitals! (sorry what. excuse me. wanna run that by me again?)" like okay that makes that headcanon reasoning even more dewply uncomfortable that it already was?
-I enjoyed weird Barbie. i wish theyd cast someone else cos iirc ka/te mckin/non was a transmisogynist? unless she apologized or said she changed her mind on the topic since like 2017?? but i havent seen anything? idk. just. annoying to keep platforming these ppl. i guess theres probably other actors involved that have shit views of trans ppl. whatever i guess.
-I did dress up a little. i feel like my outfit had Weird Barbie Vibes. maybe ill post a pic.
-I did enjoy it and it had a number of shots and or transitions i liked, i think the one with the disco ball to the moon or whatever was enjoyable.
-god we really are so weird about barbie
-it just feels factually incorrect that all dolls pre barbie were baby dolls? idk. im sure it was the most common kind. but idk. not to be weird about The History Of Dolls but like. the porcelain dolls from the Victorian era. idk if those count as baby dolls. iirc those were to help young girls practice prepping dead bodies of loved ones for funerals or smth??? but i guess porcelain dolls have a sort of babyish look about them. and are fragile so you cant play rough with them.
-Like i Know its a 2hr long toy commercial for mattel but also god that cant be right. even if they werent filling the same niche as barbie as idk basically a fashion doll? there had to be other dolls right?
-I know the flat foot thing is Supposed to be over the top and silly for them all to get upset about but also tbh. as a bitch with falling arches the way some of yall make jokes about flat feet still is uh. well. rude. but also lmao man. the day my arches started hurting for no reason while i was barefoot did sorta feel emotionally like her feet falling to the ground lol.
-i want to introduce barbie to margot robbie's harley quinn owo. i think that would be Fun :3
-i want Ken's job. how do i do Beach as an occupation.
-I actually liked how they handled Ken and Barbie's rship til the end. i feel weird about that ending overall and also it feels weak wrt her dynamic as Ken. they make him grapple w her not reciprocating his feelings the same way but then she just leaves barbieland anyway?? and ig they dont get to explore a friendship or qpr dynamic. ok. its fine i guess.
-her saying she has no genitalia felt so transgender in a way im not sure it was intended to. ken saying he has all of the genitalia felt even more transgender. headcanoning them both as extremely transgender in fun weird new ways and no one can stop me.
-Allan is my favorite character i think. bro me too
-bibbleless movie. add bibble.
#toy txt post#barbie spoilers#barbie movie#everyone kept trying to get my dad to come see it and like.i get it.but genuinely he would hate it even if not for his conservative bullshit#he hates goofy fun movies. OR. he wouldve actually enjoyed it a little bit and been REALLY ANNOYING ABOUT IT bc he would never admit it#and insist he hated it#and hed enjoy the ken patriarchy thing too much#basically im very glad we didnt drag my dad along cos i have to live with him and i think he would be insufferable about it#he has no appreciation for any kind of whimsy or fun! he would hate this silly movie#also this was the first time id been in a movie theater since pre2020.#i enjoyed dressing up in a silly little outfit. but i think i wouldve been happier to wait for it to be out of theaters tbh. theaters teste#tested my patience even before covid like oh im gonna sit uncomfortably in this chair and crane my neck up at this screen and i cant pause#it and theres no captions and people are Eating all around me and now i go and its all the same but im the only one wearing a mask so i dont#get to have a lil snack either and i still have to hear ppl eating around me and part way thru the movie someone across the aisle was making#some kind of horrible very wet and loud gulping noise with their drink or Something?? and i did feel violent about it#i would never be violent about it but my god do i feel like biting. you know. anyway. not sure if ill bother seeing any more movies#in theater now. i just would like them at home. idk#i will give props to barbie. it was like kovie theater loud but at least it wasnt giant major booms and inaudible ass dialogue
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my dad keeps talking about me going to grad school in canada… god……..
#i am so homesick like i do yearn to be home and it would be so cruel if it didn’t end up happening…..#idk. i have time.#but it’s actually insane how much happier i am when i’m in canada just for the sake of being there…#i love the cold i love the snow i love the slush on the roads��� i even love how it gets so early in the winter…#it’s just SOO tricky because i’d need to get set up with a dr and an endocrinologist…#idfk. like can he stop
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my little suncatchers make me so happy
#i have so many now#and i make and customise them as i please#there are so many rainbow dots and stripes on every surface and they just make me so happy#in my childhood home we used to have these crystal candlestick holders that would catch the sunlight in the morning and around noon#and they refracted these huge long rainbows sometimes#and they made me just elated#they were quite rarely seen by me since yaknow during winter the sun didn't rise until i was at school#and during summer i either wasn't up or was outside or whatever#and actually now that i think of it the candle holders moved around the house quite a bit#but when they were there and caught the light it was a spectacle!#and i thought one day#why the fuck wouldn't i have that every day possible? i have huge southwest-facing windows and plants hanging there already#why the fuck wouldn't i add crystals and make every sunny day a little bit happier?#the hanging suncatchers and crystals fit my aesthetic and it's literally an instant smile-producer to see a rainbow#btw so much of my mood and productivity is dependant on weather it's ridiculous#same with my sister#sunny weather = instant mental health boost#i fucking baked bread today#and cooked#and cleaned#planning on tidying#and starting on changing the soil for my plants#i always look forward to that all year#i hope the weather goes below freezing again actually#i've some soil in my trunk i need to freeze before i replenish my soil storage#there's no hurry but i just feel like doing it#on the other hand im also happy sitting here hearing the snowmelt dripping on my windowsills#internal monologue
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i’m pretty sure studying abroad was a poor decision with regards to every single aspect of my life, but i’m saying this sick and tired and after a long day of being on a mandatory field trip i’ve been dreading all week so. grain of salt etc
#doesn’t help that i just finished listening to a self described cozy mystery audiobook set in oxford#& so now i’m nostalgic and utterly convinced i should have gone to england#but still. i am trying to be positive i am trying to keep an open mind i am Putting Myself Out There as much as i’ve been able#i’ve been talking to people i’ve been asking questions i’ve been making conversation i’ve been searching desperately for someone i like#but also like. if i could get my money back and go home right now. or go to a different program even. i would in a heartbeat#a diff program wouldn’t solve everything but it would solve the academic failure of this program#which is that i’m not interested in any of the classes i’m taking bc i’m trying desperately to take classes that fulfill major requirements#but that’s almost impossible here esp for psych which is the one i need credits for#and so on an academic level this program is a waste of my time and actually actively harming me academically and i very well might have to#take a summer class. bc i can’t meet all my requirements in time#and then on a social level. well it’s me#i don’t like anyone yet and of COURSE bc its fucking day 6 but i have talked. to so many people. and it’s so hard#AND on a culinary level i don’t like any of the food here and i have to figure out how to feed myself and i genuinely considered just buying#a pallet of meal replacement shakes and drinking those. but i don’t even know if i can buy those here#anyway it would all be fine if i was just lonely and didn’t like the food that’s to be expected im homesick#but this program is like actually literally negatively impacting my degree progress and i not only would be happier but would be on a much#more stable path to graduation if i wasn’t doing it#i wish i had picked a better program I WISH I WAS TAKING CLASSES. AT A LOCAL UNIVERSITY. IN ENGLISH. AND NOT AT A STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM#HQ WITH EXCLUSIVELY OTHER AMERICANS!!! WHAT IS THE POINT?????#personal#isa bcn
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(when i say general i mean standard 2 and 2 unit is advanced)
#i picked was good in school and hate it now#and the reason I picked that is because it was me hating maths in school that pretty much lead to my netherlands obsession so#i have that to thank#but its only because i hated maths so much that I left#and i couldn’t stand doing it for the hsc#and that decision lead to me choosing the netherlands as my study abroad#BUT i was apparently super good at it#like for year seven and eight i was in extension#and we got harder tests and shit#but even then i hated it bc I preferred writing stories and shit (wow!)#and in year 9 they split us off into 5.3 (best) and 5.2 (average) and 5.1 (worst)#no one in my school did 5.1#and basically i was already struggling with study habits and shit so my mum went into the school and says#please put her in 5.2 she’s going to be miserable as fuck in 5.3#and the school was like ‘fuck off she has potential’ and put me in 5.3 but lower 5.3#AND YOULL NEVER FUCKING GUESS WHAT I WAS! MISERABLE!!!!#it didn’t help that the teacher that i had in year 8 and 9 wasn’t amazing but like whatever#which was something i only just realised lol#ANYWAYS i did 5.3 but not extension until year ten and then i had a choice and that was what maths to do for the hsc#and i was tossing up between two unit or general (i cant explain in the tags the difference so I’ll include a screenshot or something)#i picked general maths bc it felt more like life skills maths and i was like ok seems funky if i have to i will#and then we had the yearly and the teacher wrote it a bit too hard and only two ppl in my class passed and guess who was one of them#me with my stupid 51%. we’re ignoring that I didn’t finish and cried the whole way home. and the teacher was like ‘you should be in 2 unit’#so i switched to two unit and that was MEANT to be it but i was still sacrificing something i loved for maths and ppl in my year did drop it#like completely. and like four weeks into year 11 i was like. no. why am i here when i could be doing legal studies or ancient history!#and so i went and fucking fought the school bc why was i making them happy and after a week they let me win and not do it#and let me tell you calling the maths department to say ‘I wasn’t coming tomorrow or ever again’ was a top ten life moment for me#so tldr i was good at it but i hated it#looking back it wasn’t that bad but i was happier for it#it was actually probably a case of neurodivergent me who just Wasn’t Interested
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"Yuuji-- if you don't mind, can I ask you something?"
Yuuji looked up from his phone, feeling so grown up to be in the Jujutsu High staffroom with Kento. He raised his eyebrows, the scar across his lip tugging up.
"Uh...yeah, sure. Go crazy."
"What is scary dog privilege, exactly?"
"Scary dog privilege? Huh, well...let's see, uhm...so it's like..."
Yuuji explained, all peaches and wide eyes and animated hands. Kento nodded occasionally, listening intently. His mind, naturally, strayed to you; you were what this was all about, after all.
As with any thought of you (you being his blossoming latent obsession), Kento's stomach flipped, his grip tightening fractionally around his coffee.
Kento remembered.
He remembered when he dropped you home. You checked over your shoulder, again, and again, and again, before you unlocked your door and hurried inside.
He remembered how he had once walked up behind you without much thought, and you spun with panic in your eyes. Kento recalled how quickly you had relaxed, to see it was him, and how high his hope climbed as a result.
He remembered how you had spilled the contents of your bag. You snatched your pepper spray up in the hope that his keen eyes had missed it.
He remembered how you headed to the subway after a staff night out. Your keys had been curiously gripped between your fingers, a weapon that wasn't a weapon.
He remembered, how just the day before, he and you had walked together through central Tokyo to get lunch. You had sat on a park bench together, and Kento had been so overwhelmed by the need to hold it together, Kento, keep it together, that he barely registered the relief written on your skin.
You had eaten in comfortable silence, then leaned over to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek on the way to the bins.
"Thanks for the scary dog privilege, Kento. It's the first time in a long time that I've relaxed in public."
Kento's eyes had drifted closed for just a few moments too long, with the warmth of your lips on his skin, and he stuttered, fumbling, unlike himself.
"Ah...scary...dog privilege?" He asked, quiet. But you were already gone; throwing your crumbs to the ducks.
Yuuji's voice snapped Kento out of memory, and back to the staffroom.
"Dunno if that makes sense, Nanamin?"
A molten pit of spite and rage ignited in Kento once he put two and two together. Scary dog privilege. He gave you scary dog privilege. Why was walking the streets in safety a privilege? Shit. Kento kept his voice level, patting Yuuji on the shoulder as he left, his steaming coffee abandoned.
"Thank you, Yuuji. Stay safe out there this afternoon, and call me when you're finished, please."
If Kento hadn't already felt dirty enough with the knowledge that he pleasured himself to thoughts of you every night, he felt worse, now. He stalked through the corridors of Jujutsu High, calling Ijichi, calling Shoko, determined to find you.
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Once you noticed how one man's gaze lingered on you, you noticed them all. To you, almost all seemed to do it, and to every woman, be they 18 or 80, tall or short or curvy or lithe or gay or straight or anywhere in between. Then, when you began to notice the gazes on 16 year olds, or 12 year olds, or--
You had nauseated by the time you turned the corner to grab lunch. Simultaneously built up and dragged down and accused, you were a madonna and a whore and a bitch. You wondered, vaguely, how deeply, how incurably the disease ran, as you entered the bustling café. You didn't want to think about it. You'd just grab food, and go, and--
"Ah. Good afternoon."
You blinked, to see Kento before you in the queue, and felt a warm burst of joy from your tummy to your toes.
"Kento, I'm...happier than you know, to see you, actually."
A satisfied hum. "I had a feeling you might be. Now...about something you said yesterday...."
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Nanami Kento didn't immediately strike one as a scary dog. He was built, yes, but his suits hid it well, and he was only a little taller than average, and really quite mild, but--
-- oh.
The way his glares could frost a soul. The way other men bounced off him, a stone wall, when a shoulder 'accidentally' hit his. The way his eyes found wayward gazes like a sniper, with the dulcet loading of a bullet behind his sneer. The silent commanding respect. The dares that other men would not dare.
It was no wonder, then, how you and Kento, became you and Shoko and Kento, became you and Shoko and Maki and Nobara and Kento. While individually able to fight your own fights, feeling Kento's scary dog privilege melt threats with acid, was a burden blissfully relieved.
With Kento's protective Midas' touch, your daily lunches turned to gold, unsullied and unmolested. Still...he was there for the whole group.
So why, then, in such a large group, did you look up to find his gaze on you, and only you? How could his eyes caress without staring? It was sorcery, surely.
Kento sequestered you one day, throwing his crumbs to the ducks alongside yours, as the others chatted on the benches behind you. You looked up, shooting him a sideways smile, and wondering how you could ever be good enough for him. He spoke quietly.
"I always believed a dog to have just one owner."
You felt your stomach twist with insinuation. You laid the thread.
"...oh?"
"And while I'm happy to offer my privileges to the benefit of a group, I...would like to be in the position to make such a privilege exclusive."
You swallowed hard, looking sideways again with hope against hope against hope against--
"Are you...saying you'd like to be my scary dog?"
"Very, very much so."
#pseudowho#jjk#kento nanami#haitch#nanami kento#jjk nanami#kento nanami x reader#kento nanami x you#nanami my love#nanami fanart#jujutsu kaisen nanami#jujutsu nanami#kento nanami smut#kento nanami x y/n#nanami#nanami fluff#nanami kento fluff#nanami kento smut#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x you#nanami smut#nanami x reader#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#nanamin#Papamin by Haitch#Papamin by pseudowho
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I think half the time my escapism fantasies are just a desire to escape the internet
#yes I dislike the city and I would be much happier somewhere more rural#I know this. but my escapism fantasies aren't that#they are rural living taken to the extreme mixed with adventure fantasy vibes and zero actual responsibilities#I know living outside the city won't magically make me like to cook or that my home would always be perfect#or that I'd have a field of trees and wildflowers to go lay in for hours on end with no pressing matters to take care of#and generally that's not what I want at all#I just only realized that I really only seriously start desiring that when I have spent too long online#reading things that make me feel terrible about myself or people I care about or the general state of the world#(I am not talking about the news. that can be rough and hard of course.... but this is more specific#'you should hate yourself or people you care about because of xyz' 'you can't trust any of these people' 'you are constantly unsafe'#'these people are most oppressed' 'no these people are'. it's just very personal hatred and moralism that does nothing useful)#and then because I feel so awful I want to go somewhere that feels good#maybe the answer isn't a complete farcical caracture of rural life but rather getting offf the internet and spending more time at a park
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