#so a weee but upset

[karinamariee]

rafe x gf reader where she hangs out with Sarah and the pogues but doesn't tell rafe bc he will obv be mad and tell her no. Then he finds out and shows up to where they are and tries to fight jj and ends up bringing reader back w him and is really upset she lied bc all he ever wants is to keep her safe and he can't if he doesnt know where she is + he doesn't trust the pogues and she feels so bad for lying to him

listen.

pairing: toxic!rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary: rafe was sick and tired of y/n lying about where she was when he knew exactly.

warnings: none

authors note: guys, send in more requests!!🫶🏽 also, i decided to switch it up a little bit.

—————————————————————————

“you’re dating a fucking asshole,” said jj, “you know that right?”

sarah nodded. “like, why rafe of all people?”

why rafe of all people was an extremely good question. maybe because he fucked you good and loved you well.

“i love him,” you say.

jj was about to say something, but john b stopped him. “that’s a fair argument is what jj was going to say, y/n.” but you knew that jj had the hardest time trusting you. it makes sense. you broke up with jj to be with rafe, which jj is still confused and angry about.

“of fucking course it is,” said jj. “she’s the kooks princess. no one can touch her, say the truth to her, but here’s the truth, y/n, you’re just as fake as the next kook in line.”

“ahh jj!” sarah exclaimed. “i would much rather have the kooks princess than rafe cameron be here. i love you, y/n.”

you smiled and nodded. jj was right. you had broken his heart, you had loved him and then shoved it in his face when it was all over. you deserve whatever you got from jj which you’re sure there would be a lot more in the future.

“oh shit,” said pope, “speak of the devil.”

you turned around to see rafe marching toward you. your heart started racing a million miles per hour, not sure if you were ready for this confrontation or not. you knew you were fucked, you just didn’t wanna admit it yet.

“so here you are!” rafe yelled, making his way closer to you. he didn’t even look at anyone but you.

“i can’t be here,” said sarah. “no, no, no.”

“why you lying to me?” rafe asked once he made his way over to you. he grabbed your face. “answer the fucking question.”

“hey, hey,” said jj, “don’t fucking touch her.”

“she’s a woman, man,” said cleo.

rafe looked at jj, ignoring cleo. “what the fuck. shut the fuck up because i knock your fucking teeth out of your mouth.”

jj smirked. “please rafe, you wanna fucking go?”

“hey! hey, listen!” yelled pope. “if you wanna fuck each other up, be my guest, but just remember y/n is waiting to leave.”

rafe looked at you with something in his eyes. you didn’t know if it was hurt or regret, but something was in them that you’ve never seen before.

“come on, baby,” you said. “let go home.”

—————————————————————————

“i don’t trust either one of them, babe,” said rafe, holding your cheeks tightly. “i just want an honest girlfriend who wouldn’t lie to me.”

he let you go. “please, rafe, i’m fucking honestly with you.”

he laughed. you had to admit, you weee scared of him. the way he just would punch a wall when he was mad, or punched you when he blacked out. either way was scary, but you didn’t want another black eye.

you grabbed his arm slowly, wrapping it around your waist, pulling him in for a hug which he let you.

“i just want you, rafe, baby,” you said.

“but you’re still fucking around with those pogues,” he said, “you know i can’t trust them, not even sarah, and you know that hurts me, baby, it hurts so badly.”

you nod. “i promise to stay away from them.”

you promised to stay away from them because the next time you did, you would get worse than a black eye.

[ferg0s]

Completely out of left field from what I usually post…

But can you imagine being a nanny for the Wayne Family. Bruce hiring you as a way to integrate Damien into being a normal child - but you just think it’s because he’s a busy single dad who wants someone to look after his kid - and spending your time in the manor trying not to die every-time you find out there’s more rooms. Even though you lied on your resume and had your friends pretend to be your references, you get the job and you want to do the best you can bacsuse it’s either this or working retail. Most of your time is helping Damien with homework, listening to him tell you the most effective ways to skin a human without killing them or running around after him as he seems to glide across the room with ninja like agility because he doesn’t want to do the mandatory 1 hour reading he had to do for English class.

You chalk him up to be a quirky kid with quirky interests. God knows you were into some weird things when you were young. (🫵🏼 looking at you yes, you)

You see his other kids come in and out, often coming over for Alfreds cooking. You keep a low profile, saying hello and having small talk occasionally- when you’re not running around after Damien - and they know your presence. You can sense the familt dynamic is a likes strained, but you’re hell bent on being a professional nanny so you keep your head low and enjoy that you get triple the minimum wage for Gotham.

But it seems like who ever enters the manor is cursed with the Wayne family secret. Maybe it was fate that your stomach started to act up just as you were getting ready to leave - and thank god you had found a secluded powder room in the end of the west wing that you claimed as your own - because you spent an ungodly amount of time there that night. You figured you’d apologize to Alfred or Mr.Wayne for staying to late if they caught you at the manor so late - blaming the Joker positioning the water supply for your stomach being upset, which was true to be fair - and you tried your hardest to move towards the front door without making a sound.

As you pass the double doors for the dining room, you begin to hear bickering coning from the other side. You loved job way too much to be fired for snooping on the Waynes, so you ignore it and keep walking until you see what’s happening inside from the small crack of the door being open. Your eyes landing on the sight of the Batman. His back Atleast.

You knew it was wrong - but god you needed answers. You wondered if the conspiracies were true, that Bruce Wayne secretly sponsored Batman and his gang. But as you peer inside, you realize that it wasn’t. You put two and two together when you saw the entirely of Gothams crime fighting heros standing in the living room, going over how they fumbled the two face lead. Nightwing, Red Hood, Robin… the puzzle pieces started to connect in your head.

You quietly exited the manor without saying a word. And what did you do after that? Nothing. You acted as if you saw nothing. You weighed your options. You could keep quiet and pretend like nothing happened, keep your job and enjoy the dental plan that came with it. Or you could blab about it on the news and be crucified by the Bruce Wayne Stans for suggesting such a thing.

The scariest thing in Gotham wasn’t the villains, it was the Bruce Wayne Stans. Every Gothamite knew that.

But it seemed like the more you wanted to ignore the problem the more you got caught up in the web. From walking into Jason cleaning his Red Hood mask in the dinning room, staring at him, turning around and walking out without saying a word to ignoring when Damien casually dropped the tidbit of information about how he was mad at his father because he was grounded from being in the batcave unsupervised.

It all came to a head on a random Wednesday evening when you weee getting water form the kitchen. “How long have you known?” You hear Alfred ask As he polishes the silverware. You tried to play dumb, asking if it was about Damien sneaking in ice cream after bed time - but he quickly cuts you off. “About a month now,” you confess. He nods, putting the polished fork back into the cabinet and picking up another one. “I cannot say that I am pleased to hear that-“ Alfred signs. “But I presume you’re more than capable of saying within the limits of your employment agreement-“ he asks as he looks up at you.

You did sign a NDA saying you wouldn’t leak information to the press.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys.” You reply as you turn around to the sink to rinse the glass you had used.

“I’m pleased to hear that.” Alfred smiles.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting upset at my best friend for calling me a hoarder in passing?

My (29NB) best friend (also 29NB) have been going through major crises lately at the same time—we will call them Sun. So, yesterday, they sent me a text, when we weee talking about how they haven’t wanted to be over at my house for a while, mostly bc they don’t like my partner…although the subject was in discussion bc my partner and I are splitting up, and I will be living alone again in a couple months. At some point in this discussion, they mentioned the more pressing matter that’s caused them not to be over as much is that they are very allergic to one of my cats—but only the one I just adopted a couple years ago, they’ve had no allergy issues w the other one and they love her very much, she is their niece.

However, at one point, they mentioned that a few years ago, when I was using drugs a lot more irresponsibly than usual—to the point where I got injured from falling down the stairs—they had been speaking to my other close friends. Which is appreciated, and I knew about this already obviously since there was an intervention that happened around that time…the way they mentioned this was upsetting. Specifically, they mentioned that “they approached [other friend of mine] about my drug use bc they thought I was becoming a hoarder” and that MAJORLY triggered me—specifically the hoarder comment. The woman who gave birth to me/raised me is a hoarder, which is a well known fact to just about anyone who is close to me irl, especially anyone who’s known her irl, and ESPECIALLY Sun, who worked as her caregiver for quite a while. Also being compared to/told I am just like my abusive egg donor is the thing that will hurt me the most, bc she is the most cruel, manipulative, abusive people I’ve ever had in my life.

So the thing is, my house is indeed very messy…I have too much junk around, and it’s very difficult for me physically to keep anything clean. It’s actually one of the reasons I’m separating from my partner, and as ashamed as I am about it, I understand. However, it’s not a hoarding disorder at all—I don’t hold onto anything I don’t need out of sentimentality, and if I could wave a magic wand and simply get rid of all the extra shit I don’t need/make everything nice and clean, I would. Unfortunately, I am very disabled with too many chronic pain/fatigue conditions, and actually cleaning the house/sorting through shit to get rid of takes immense physical effort. But whenever someone offers to help me, I jump at those opportunities! I take things to be donated all the time (if I’m able to sort through the stuff that needs to go) and it’s entire worlds different than my egg donor refusing to give up several bins of my baby clothes bc she can’t bear to part with them, despite them never seeing use in her possession ever again.

So, I responded to Sun’s mention of a past conversation thinking I’m a hoarder, with offense and saying it hurt me. We had been discussing just downsizing and how we will be going through my stuff as we pack for the new place, and had mentioned that I should make sure to get rid of certain clothing things if they have holes/are worn out/whatever, which to me, sounded like they think I have a hard time throwing clothes away even if they’re not even wearable anymore. With that and the hoarding accusation in mind, I told them I was very hurt by this. I made sure to be respectful and kind yet assertive, but after explaining how this was an unfair assumption/description of me, they got upset and said I should’ve asked for clarification before coming at them.

Now, do me, I wouldn’t have even considered they meant anything other than how I interpreted it, so it would never have even occurred to me to ask for clarification if I’m not even aware there’s a miscommunication. Apparently, the reason they mentioned getting rid of clothes that have been too worn out is an issue they have themselves, but this isn’t anything I was ever aware of, and once again never would’ve thought was referring to anyone but me. They also say they’re aware that it’s my physical difficulties that make cleaning physically painful for me…but honestly, that’s not anywhere near the same as having a hoarding disorder, which is indeed what they’d accused me of.

Of course, I know the both of us overreacted—me, being offended about being accused of being a hoarder (especially since my immense difficulty cleaning the house is part of why I’m separating from my partner and is therefore something I’m incredibly sensitive about right now) and them, being offended that I took what they said wrong and being upset over some things they didn’t actually intend w what they said…but I’m just not sure if maybe I AM in the wrong here, for expressing being hurt by being called a hoarder here, or if I really am making the entire thing a big deal out of nothing.

So, AITA for voicing my offense at being called a hoarder?

What are these acronyms?

[masterjedilenawrites]

Helloooo :) I lovet to read your work! It's amazing!🤍

I was wondering if you have any idea how the bois and TBB would react if their S/O had a mental breakdown?

Again love your work! And don't forget to take care of yourself hun🤍

Weee mental breakdowns are fun

Cody, Wolffe, and Crosshair may not be the best with soothing words or gentle touches, but they have their own way of making sure you don't stay down for long. They are fighters to their core, so anything that upsets you, be it petty annoyances or devastating breakdowns, is immediately being "taken care of." After the fight is won, then maybe they'll consider a moment of cuddles, if you want.

Rex, Kix, and Wrecker will let you have your moment... but only a moment. They'll pull you away and give you all the space you need to let yourself fall apart, safely in their arms. They have a sixth sense for knowing when to start calming you down and picking you back up again. They're full of encouragements, reassuring you that everything will be okay.

Dogma, Tup, and Hunter hate to see you going through something like this. They feel so inadequate, wishing there was more they could do, when in actuality they are literally dropping everything to tend to you. They fuss and they fret and they're scared out of their minds. They don't want to let you out of their sight, afraid of what may happen while you're feeling this way.

Fives, Jesse, and Hardcase have no idea what to do, so they start crowd sourcing ideas. Ways to calm you down, cheer you up, or just give you a break from whatever is troubling you. And before long, they've gathered a network of clones, friends, family, whoever they can find to come to your aid as well. They'll make sure you get the help you need to turn things around.

Fox, Tech, and Echo remain calm and methodical as they help you work through this difficult time. They are your anchor in the storm. They want you to still have some sense of normalcy, a routine and a rhythm that you can rely on while you work through these difficult feelings. And when you're ready to make some changes, they're at the ready to help.

Every Character Tag: @dangerousstrawberrypie, @justanothersadperson93, @arctrooper69, @sleepycreativewriter, @techie-bear

Clone Bois & Bad Batch Tags: @kaijusplotch, @rebel-finn, @lucyysthings, @marvel-starwars-nerd, @nekotaetae, @severalseashellsbytheseashore, @lackofhonor, @flowered-bicycles

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[specialagentlokitty]

Reid x brother!reader - my shield

- Spencer Reid x Male! Twin or Husband - based after 7x01 where they found out Emily is alive. Spencer is upset and Reader comforts him - @mxacegrey 💜

You knew the death of his friend had hit him hard, you knew Spencer was struggling and you didn’t everything you could to help him.

When you weee finished with your shifts at the station you would go see him, you would let him sleep at your place whenever he needed it.

You were getting ready for work when your apartment door was thrown open and you grabbed your gun, walking around the corner.

“Spence?”

Putting your gun back into the holster on your work belt, you finished tucking your shirt in before you walked over.

He had tears in his eyes and he was shaking his head, running his hand through his hair.

“Hey, hey come here.”

You quickly pulled him in for a hug, and he collapsed against you.

He sobbed into your shoulder, tears soaking the shirt of your uniform but you didn’t care, you had a spare in your locker at work.

You still had loads of time before you had to go in so you lead him over to the couch and sat him down.

“What’s up bro?” You asked softly.

He pulled away, taking a few deep breaths.

“I… I… they lied to me…”

“What? Who?”

He took a few minutes to calm down before he was able to talk to you, and he did, and he told you everything.

He told you about how he’d been going to Hotch and JJ when he couldn’t get ahold of you, he told you he nearly went back to the drug he managed to shake.

Then he told you about the meeting they had today, and the fact Emily was still alive.

“I… I don’t know what to do…”

“Look Spence, I’ve always been your big brother, I’ve always protected you, but this is your choice, you know that right?”

“I can’t forgive them…”

He looked up at you, wiping a few of his tears.

“I can’t…”

You nodded your head.

“I know Spence, and you don’t have to. Just take some time off, hang out here if you want, alright? I’ll stay with you when I can.”

Spencer looked up at you feeling a little bit lost, and you hated it.

You hated seeing him look like this, he didn’t know what to do.

“Give it some time, then go back, but remember what I told you when we were kids, right?”

“Never take your anger out on other people…” he mumbled.

You nodded and ruffled his hair.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta finish getting ready but I’ll be back in the morning.”

Spencer looked up at you and he followed you to your bedroom, standing in the doorway as he looked at your uniform laid neatly on the bed.

“Can I come…?”

You stopped at looked at him in the mirror before turning around, adjusting the radio on your shoulder.

“Course you can bro, but you have to stay at my desk if I’m called out.”

He nodded and waited for you to finish getting ready before he followed you out to his car.

His phone was blowing up with texts and calls, and he looked at you, holding it out and you looked at it.

Getting him to unlock it, you found his bosses contact and sent his boss a photo of you sticking up your middle finger. Sending a quick text telling him to leave your brother alone and you handed it back.

Spencer looked at what you had done and gave you a disapproving look.

“Hey, he can’t do anything to me.”

Spencer cracked a small smile and turned his phone off, stuffing it into his bag as he focused on the road while you drove to the station.

He didn’t really feeling like talking, or doing anything for that matter, but he needed to be with you.

You were his support, and being with you made everything seem a little less complicated for the time being, he could pretend it wasn’t real and he didn’t have to confront it right now.

Because that’s what he always did.

You were his older brother, his shield, and he always hid behind you when he was scared or upset, because he knew you would protect him

[barghest-land]

thinking about very human things rn, like getting upset over stuff on the internet lol. sometimes i really don't like mostly making fan art (like rn), because with time i get used to people liking my stuff. and then when i post things that aren't related to the fandom (or they are but not really), the internet punishes me for it. even tho i might like those drawings even more, they'll never be that popular and it makes me wanna write something smart about it here. i'm not gonna be smart today tho i'll just be upset over it cuz it feels like a natural thing to do lmao 😭 i hate that it makes me think that the drawings i'm so proud of (!!!) aren't that good because of how people react to it. it shouldn't be that way. i mean, drawing for giggles and for a good response (we all can get stuck in that loophole sometimes) is fun and all, but it shouldn't affect my creativity and how i think about my own art. but unfortunately i have a silly human brain. and it does affect it. also i know it's something smart probably about an easy serotoning boost because u post something -> people like it!! weeee! -> u feel good too!! WEEE!!!!!!!! so it's logical to be upset when u don't get the same "weeee!!!" doing the very same thing. and this pattern annoys me too tbh.

[ritzcuit]

i found a bunch of dialogue that ive 100% either forgotten abt or just nto seen in a while so i posting them here for me and me only

this when they're talking abt the family photo....i YELLED!!! the day WEEEEEEE all went out fishing!! WEEE!!! I KNEW DATZ WAS THERE!!!!THEY ALL SAID I WAS CRAZY BUT I KNEW IT No one doubted me. literally no one. but im still vindicated. from "well someone had to take that photo" to "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" oh datz... Also 'seems like datz has a lot to say', i know it's just the "yuty's CHANGED..." stuff but i want to read it more emotionally. i know that man has complicated and upset feelings on this kid he saw raised from a baby to now...Ok? uncle.

this one i never rly fully forgot abt bc i cite it so often but it's just nice to have a screencap.. that yeah without a doubt dhurke and datz were friends pre-fire... also everything he says abt jove is very "dhurke told me this/said that" so they didnt meet. Which idrc about. jove means nothing to be to be honest

cowards for making it metaphorical LIKE DATZ SHOULD HAVE A DRAGON TATTOO. i dont draw the tattoos ever cus i keep forgetting and am lazy but datz should have one and it should be on his heart because he's a freak. And it should be a gay thing. it should be a young dhurke and datz stick n pokeing their convictions on each others bodies like insane revolutionaries. And it's about the revolution but it's about dhurke. OKAY!??!? oh you dont fukcing get it

i didnt rly forget abt this one either but it's cutie to me i just like them Oh they are so oomfies. it'uahhhgh Datz how many conversations are you trying to cheer dhurke up and being his optimism when dhurke cant be optimistic. like that's what this always reads to me as. is datz compensating for dhurke's pragmaticism even though i do really like to think that dhurke is the optimist and datz is more pragmatic underneath it all. but they switch off they bear each others loads. (not in a gay sex way rn) like it's so. No of course he still cares about you! bc he's not gonna say "yeah i bet that little squirt doesnt gaf LOLLLL" that's crazy.

also i like dhurke was never a hands on kinda dad. And i like when datz's role in the family is as a connection. like. this is very novel to me it's very literature. apollo and datz go out into the woods for a trip and then over the course of their trip it's apollo getting closer to his dad thru datz's stories and whatnot...Like?

well OBVIOUSLY *i'd* want it to be datz as his own character and person with feelings and ideals but i get his function for writing. i understand it. it makes me crazy tho. Um anyway

i just like him

[mokadevs]

i know people have rightful reasons to be upset whenever arknights has like alts of characters or whatever but i am simply small brained and full of whimsy so im just “WEE!! EJYA MY DAUGHTER! WEEE!! SWIRE TIME!!!!”

[nerves-nebula]

Out of curiosity, what would the teetle's favourite amusement park/fair rides be? Part of me thinks Donnie would be more for like, the big spinning swing rides bc its kinda like flying and its also a p chill ride.

The other part of me thinks He'd go on a drop tower bc Leo dared him and it unlocked something unhealthy in his brain that gets him addicted to thrill rides (close to death) so he goes after the sling shots and the insane coasters.

I also feel like if Mikey and Leo get into one of those teacup rides TOGETHER anyone else with them needs out because itll be the 1 (One) Cooperation Time because of their shared goal: Go spinny fast weee weee go so fast go until anyone else with them is hanging on for dear life if someone wouldnt get nauseous from just watching its not fast enough gogogogo.

Why is no one at this amusement park bothering these turtle kids??? Uhhhhh next question dont worry about it.

*has never been to a real amusement park*

i could not even begin to answer this. i dont really see the pleasure in any of these kinds of rides. if i wanted to feel like i was dying i'd call my parents and that doesn't even cost me anything.

yeah so because i don't like amusement park rides, this is something i'd have to think about for a while to figure out the answer to and honestly im not up for that right now.

edit- monster anon has come up with their own theories so im sharing it here:

For that fair park question I can absolutely answer it because I love tiny obscure things that seem completely random but ultimately help build the characters.

First they probably wouldn’t get to go to an amusement park until they’re way older. Mikey and Leo would be hyper competitive with each other over the games and have to take frequent trips to the car to put prizes away and come back.

Raph I feel would be more of a water park guy and even then be more into the lazy river than any high speed rides UNLESS Casey was there. In that case, they’d both be riding all the highest speed rides to see who can ride the most without getting dizzy/vomiting.

Donnie would probably love the 3d fake-coasters that just take you around and shake the cart to make you think it’s dipping and dropping.

There’s also competitive shooter-type coasters that aren’t overwhelmingly fast that I feel they’d all get on to try to see who could get the most points.

They all try park food. Donnie can’t stand any of it because the textures are bad, Mikey gets sick on churros, Leo buys overpriced pizza that makes his stomach upset, and Raph snacks through the whole day without any real “meals”.

[rleonard9]

fighting with easton would be so hard because he just looks so soft and cosy and his gf would cave instantly and just cry for his cuddles

you weee sobbing in your bed, not even 4 minutes ago you have a full blown argument with easton because he was frustrating you to know end and now you miss him, opening yup your bedroom door, you creep downstairs seeing him laying down on the couch watching hockey

“east.” you whimper, he looks at you

“hi baby.” he says softly, you walk over to him, “why are you crying, you know i’m not upset with you.”

“i know,” sniffle, “i feel bad for arguing and i just want your cuddles.” he opens up his arms for you to go into

“i know you do baby, it’s ok you were just frustrated and had a bad day but that doesn’t mean i deserve to be taken out on ok,” you nod your head

“i’m sorry.”

“no more sorry, let’s just have a good rest of the night.”

[eyenaku]

YOU SAID SEND ASKS EVEN IF THEY'RE DUMB SO I'M GONNA SEND ONE.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE DAYCARE ATTENDANT WHEN SAW THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME (IN GAME AND IN FANDOM) AND WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU REALLY, REALLY LIKED THEM?

okokokok so basically i was avoiding fnaf like the plague bc i am terrified of animatronics and horrible with jumpscares in particular! but my best friend is a long time big time fnaf fan and so since like 2017 i was consuming fnaf content passively through them, and even since the game came out i was seeing stuff about it i just never got into it bc it wasn't super appealing

i was really invested in afton family lore n such so i got into fnaf because of that but was avoiding most animatronic content bc weee big fear (a few exceptions of animatronics though i.e. ballora) I could not figure out why i was so scared of them but I FIGURED IT OUT!! more on that later-

so fnaf sb came out n ofc I was watching playthroughs on call w/ my friend (before i played it, i played it soon after) and when sun showed up i was very much,,,, not scared of em?? i could not figure out why?? but i didn't really *focus* on them cuz i wasn't super into fnaf outside of afton family stuff

my friend kept sending me sun and moon fanart bc I did not have an upset reaction to them which was abnormal up until that point, and so i started to actively think they were neat! not super into them to the extent i came to be though- but i did figure out that the reason i have no issue with them and do have an issue with outer animatronics is because of their eyes! even moon who has "pupils" doesnt have the horrible doll-like "realistic" eyes most of the animatronics have- which is what was so unnerving about them to me. absolutely hate dolls and stuffed animals with eyes i have no idea why but one day they were just BAD and as a kidd i threw all the ones i had away and never looked back for the most part,,, but anyways sun and moon's designs were very appealing to me as i've always loved clown/jester type designs, celestial designs, pantomime-esque designs, marionette/bjd type designs (every time i draw them they have ball joints even now), etc. i also love love play structures and i've also always lowkey wanted to work in early education or in a daycare so the very environment was appealing! the designs really hit all of my interests AND were free of what was terrifying about the other animatronics

ANYWAYS i think the turning point (like it was for a lot of people in this fandom) was bamsara's work/solar lunacy! up until that point i had specifically avoided and never touched self insert fics + art, but it's so well written it changed my initial views about the whole category entirely ! because of that i was able to appreciate/consume more of the dca fandom content, which has so many talented creators! aside from that i remember being really really invested in 8um8ble8ee's dca work!

the designs being so appealing to my interests is likely one of the main reasons though aya!! jesters! bells! glow in the dark! stars! sun and moon motif! they remind me of those porcelain pierrots- one of my interests is the history of pantomime/commedia dell arte! i really don't think there's one thing about them or one moment i can remember that i was like YOOOOOOOOO!!!! it kinda just took over my brain hdsjkhsad

anyways i do remember distinctly sometime last year going wait- wtf?? because i'd thought this was a small time interest! something small i'd only taken casual interest in for a month or so, like so many other things, but then realizing i'd been making ART (not just consuming media) of them since at least december of 2021??? which is kinda insane to me!! (/pos ofc) before that time i was going through a really messy and just bad point in my life, and one of the ways I was tracking time was by the way my hair looked- i'd gotten obsessed with mykull afton after all the bad stuff and impulse cut my hair into a mullet and re-dyed it my natural colour after having bleached it brown, but this "first" drawing of sun was BEFORE my hair changed?? which i had not realized at all?? somehow in my head it was bad thing->mykull->dca but it looks like i was consuming and creating dca content through it all

anyways hsjhsjakjas i forgot what i was saying but i think i just really really liked them since i first saw em- i just didn't realize how much they had infiltrated my life until later somehow?? so ~may 2022 was when but really it was more like ~dec 2021? they make me so so happy i have no idea what it is to be honest

so ye in-game wise it was sorta on sight, fandom wise it was bc of solar lunacy + 8um8ble8ee !!

i still think its really funny that i like em so much, considering some of my biggest fears are Animatronics, Jumpscares, and The Dark BAHAHAHA

[nmzuka]

The energy some people waste just being angry is astounding smh

Go outside and touch some grass

Sorry you're jealous of gay people being happy together, sweaty, sorry nobody loves you

Literally

It was so baffling to me when I just started making positive posts and they had nothing better to do then refresh my page and comment on everything I posted

The only reason I kept doing it was because they weee clearly obsessing over being upset about everything I'd say ffff

Like dude I'm not shoving my gayness in your face if you're the one constantly checking my page to see what I'm saying

[fandom-fae]

thinking abt that one ex friend again:

- at the beginning i warned her that my mental health (at the time was pretty bad and that sometimes i struggle to reply so much that it could take weeks. i told her this early just so she could nope out if it’s a problem for her (because at this point it had been an ongoing issue for a while - and while it currently isnt really a problem as much it’s still partially there, just less extreme)

- anyway, she said that’s no big deal and that it’s fine and that her mental health isn’t perfect either so she gets it

fast forward to a few months later:

- the thing i told her could happen started happening

- she got so upset about it that she broke off the friendship mostly due to that (from what she said at least)

AND THEN. months later when we weee very much not friends anymore, she messaged me again and apologised and now we’ve been casually texting a bit and since i don’t rly care about her anymore, i’m replying rly fast lmfao

[mentallyillnotchill]

I can’t count the times I’ve punched myself today

Both hands weee involved in the wailing

My husband is upset that I’m like this

There’s nothing either of us can do

I want to die so badly

I’m trying to get help but no one will help me

I actively self harm in public, I tell anyone who will listen that I just want to kill myself and die. No one can do anything. It’s like that time the spelunker got himself stuck and no one could save him and all they could do was listen to him die

That’s exactly what I feel like with my mental health. I’m not ok. Everyone is aware I’m not ok. There’s nothing to be done except watch me die.

[fullcupceramics]

A year in review

I started the year with two loves of my life and pizza. I said goodbye to my magical northern Israeli life. The quiet and calm. The isolation. The finding of beauty in pink streets, moo hikes, and farm runs. To my arab school and my sweet classroom. Children who found love in a forbidden relationship.

The finding of love.. the sharing of intimate moments in our sacred bubble. This was ours. A girls trip with my best friend and chosen family. Fuck Beer Sheva. Where are my keys?! So much weed. Eilat hikes with my sweetie, Allison.

Moving to Tel Aviv. Feeling overwhelmed. I miss the north. To starting ceramics and crying. I can't fucking communicate. This isn't me. To finding crochet and girlfriends. To breaking my heart. To crying and feeling withdrawn. To running along the Tyelet and buying a bike and seeing the city pass. WeEE. Wow. This place is freedom. Young and vibrant. Is this what it means to be happy? Finding tutoring jobs and nannying with families that became my own. Joining protests and marches. Somehow ending up in the front. To running my first half marathon. I did that. I became the person who does things. Mom and dad visited. Feeling that this feels like home. This is my home. Can I tell you this? Should I? How will you react? Do you trust me? I went in front of the camera. I posed. I felt radiant. I am beautiful. Yes, I AM beautiful. I AM beautiful. JORDAN. IZZY. food, petra, wadi rum. My hair in the jeep. I couldn't drive shift. Petra is SO much more than that one picture. Yoga festival. Meeting angel Yael. My first sign. My first tent. I went in a car with Rotem. I went alone. Bold. You are fierce. to finding dance. Ecstatic. Look at them. Look at them feel. Energy transfers, soul alignment, connection. Intimacy. Sex. Blindfolds and oil. Coconut water and fruit. An animal hunting for substance. Bite. Lick. Smell. Women. Love letters to Noam. I feel heard. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for lifting my. Higher frequencies. Yoga. More women. More sacred spaces. How graceful my body. How glorious my body. Each scar. All the cellulite. All the flubber. All the muscles. All the inconsistencies. Thank you for bring me here. August rain. August home, comfort, planning. Yearning. Its Israel I need to be. A little longer. I'm not done yet. Midburn. Mystic Queens. What could have been. Bikes. New friendships. Vitamin D. Starting. Leaving.

I experienced the most intense anxiety I have in my life. I hurt my ankle and couldn't run the marathon; I was devastated and couldn't handle it. I couldn't comprehend loving a place so far away from "home." I am still making sense of the word "home." I had debilitating anxiety trying to figure out how to spend my summer. Whether or not to come back to Israel. How to make a decision that I knew would upset the ones I love. Resettling in Tel Aviv only to realize that the bubble had broken and while the city is magical, you still need to pay for bills and deal with maintenance people who you can't speak to and figure out a confusing visa process and figure out how to get a new bike tire after yours was stolen and figure out how to get a job and fill out a tax form... Only 3 weeks later to be caught in the midst of a war. Feeling so desperately out of control. Feeling so desperately in pain. Screaming out, "this wasn't part of the plan." To temporarily move back to your parent's house but unable to see the temporary nature in it. To be in a dark spiral for 7 weeks. To lose all sense of growth and thrill for the life I had just built, had just discovered. Wondering, would I feel that again? Would I find her again? Or would I stay lost in this girlhood version of myself who needed a hug but I refused to give it to her. I couldn't. I was traumatized. My thoughts spiraled. They looped. A broken record. Each day. all day. To feel that this was all a dream. That I was living a dream. Not now, but always. If I touch you, will you feel it? Will I? ... To decide that the only way out of this would be to return to my magical place. The place I never mentally or emotionally left in the first place. Only then did I believe could I see clearly. Could I return to myself. To return and breath a sense of calm and peace, of knowing that I will dance again. Feeling unsure and confused but trusting. Feeling angry and numb but trusting. Diving inward. Studying guitar, art, Hebrew, and psychology. Returning to movement. Returning to my breath. Returning to dance, to bring on a new year.

I dance for the ones who can't. I dance for the child that didn't. I dance for the moment I wanted to jump. I dance for the moments of dark. I dance for the tears, the joy, the laughter, the anxiety, the depression, the friendships, the bad weed, the hospital visit, the loss, the love, the closeness, the distance... I dance because it's the only way forward. I dance because I trust.

[dex-starr]

I don’t know how people don’t understand when I explain myself. I want things to be simple, yes I’ll get annoyed if plans get complicated but I don’t not do it usually. I subscribe to that ain’t my cup of tea but I’ll do it for you for most people.

Like I get annoyed at changes of plan that’s how my brain is but I’m not pointing fingers, I get annoyed at complicated plans but I don’t point fingers. I don’t have strong feelings about doing certain things so I’ll say yeah, I’ll change my mind immediately on some things I said okay too but try my best to go through with it. That’s the way it’s always been, I still do it.

Do I go get a haircut bc I want to? Not really, I go bc of convenience or it being unavoidable or not wanting to hear a comment about my hair but I could care less most of the time. When I do want to cut my hair it isn’t the way it gets done anyway and that fucking changes like the wind.

The only person on this planet I hardly felt this annoyance at or for was my ex. And even then there weee still situations where I put the choice on her and I wasn’t really happy with what she chose but I did it bc hey it’s what you want and I really fucking care about you so much. Like I’m not even pointing fingers to blame, I’m not even angry or like saying this in protest.

I just don’t feel strongly one way or the other but I’m fine “inconveniencing” myself mildly

But man dude all this shit really puts into perspective how much I loved my ex because there’s only so many people I would ever let her away with some of the shit sprung onto me like that. Did I really get upset? No. Maybe bothered at best. I don’t know if I’m doing a good job of explaining myself. But I’m legitimately just calm and not bothered about this. I just have the perspective and maturity to know it’s a me thing and not reflective of other people.

And trust me it’s a very weird me thing bc I don’t choose to be like this and I actively try to not be like it but I just don’t feel strongly one way or the other about some plans just please make them for me I’ll mold myself around please make it simple for me that way